#I hope no one takes things I have said here as critical of musical theatre people btw

[hephaestuscrew]

"Minkowski's been talking about Sondheim again…": Minkowski's love of musical theatre and what it reveals about her characterisation and her relationships

TL;DR: Renée Minkowski's love of musicals, while it might seem just like a mundane character detail, is used to give depth to her character because it contrasts with expectations of her from both the listening audience and the other characters. Her willingness or unwillingness to share this interest in different circumstances reveals her relationships with other characters at various points. Since this is a long one, if you'd rather read it as a document, you can view it here: Google Doc version.

"She actually really cares about these talent shows": Episode 8 (Box 953)

In the early episodes of Season 1, Minkowski is presented (largely through Eiffel's unreliable perspective) purely as a strict no-nonsense authority figure without much emotional depth, the kind of person who only likes things that are useful, purposeful, or mandated by Command. In contrast, musical theatre is a creative pursuit that has nothing to do with the mission of the Hephaestus and is viewed by many people as fairly frivolous or silly. The gradual exploration of Minkowski's passion for musicals is one of the many ways that the show expands and challenges our understanding of her as a character. 

The first indication that we get of her interest in musicals is through her entry into the infamous talent show, something that is required as part of the mission. Minkowski really cares about 'crew morale' activities in general, even when they actually have a negative effect on morale and even before she's friends with any of her crew (for example, the Christmas and Thanksgiving dinners in the earlier stage of the mission), perhaps partly because doing things in the "right way" is important to her. 

But Eiffel senses that the talent shows aren't just about rules for her: "it’s bad enough when she makes us do something just because it’s military protocol, but I think that she actually really cares about these talent shows". This might be the first indication that we get of Minkowski caring deeply about anything that isn't inherently part of her role as a Commander. Moments like this are part of the gradual process of giving us insight into her character beyond the Commander archetype that she tries to embody. And yet, she only indulges her theatrical passion because something mandatory gives her permission, or an excuse, to let another part of herself out.

Of course, to satisfy the needs of a talent show, she'd only need to provide a performance of a few minutes. But Eiffel mentions "the second act of the play" - which along with Hera's comment that "Isabel isn't the biggest role in the play" - implies that Minkowski was intending to put on the whole of Pirates of Penzance as her talent show act, rather than a few of the songs or some kind of medley. (I suppose that Eiffel could be exaggerating or Minkowski might have been planning to do extracts from different parts of the play, but I prefer the interpretation in which Minkowski gets to be more ridiculous.) 

Even though no one else would be willing to be in her production of Pirates of Penzance, Minkowski casts Hera as Isabel, a role with two lines and no solo singing. I found some audition notes for this play which said "The traditional staging gives [Isabel] more prominence than the solo opportunities of the part suggest, so she must be a good actress" which does make me sad in relation to Hera's inability to have a more significant role by being physically present on stage. 

It’s sweet that Hera still wants to take part though. She tells Eiffel "Pirates of Penzance is a classic of 19th century comic opera", so either she’s absorbed what Minkowski has told her about the show, or she’s done her own research and formed her own opinions. I enjoy the fact that Hera is the one Hephaestus crew member who shows potential to share Minkowski's musical theatre appreciation; I like to think that this is something they could explore together post-canon.

Anyway, I'm obsessed with the idea that Minkowski was planning to play every character except one in Pirates of Penzance, a show which is designed to have 10 principal characters and a chorus of 14 men. It seems that her contribution to the talent show was supposed to be an entire two-hour two-act musical, with costumes and props, in which she would play almost all of the parts. This is very funny to me as the perhaps predictable consequence of giving an ambitious and frustrated grown-up theatre kid a position of authority and asking them to arrange a talent show. Minkowski knows that the audience will be made up of her subordinates who are theoretically obliged by the chain of command to watch and listen, so she absolutely tries to make the most of that opportunity. There's probably also a degree to which she limits other people's involvement in her musical because - as with her other endeavors - she wants the outcome to be almost entirely within her control (something that is usually pretty much impossible in as collaborative a medium as musical theatre).

Of course, Minkowski's behaviour in most of the talent show episode is affected by her being drugged by Hilbert. This creates an exaggerated situation which is the first real opportunity for Minkowski to be something other than the strict sensible authoritarian Commander and the foil to Eiffel's jokey laid-back attitude. I don't agree with ideas that being intoxicated brings out anyone's true self (especially in the absence of consent for the intoxication), but it seems pretty clear that being under the influence of whatever was in Hilbert's concoction caused Minkowski to fully commit to a level of manic enthusiasm for her musical production that might have otherwise been obscured by her professionalism. It's a particular kind of person who belts showtunes when drunk, and Minkowski is that kind of person, even if that's not how she wants to present herself. (As a sidenote, I seem to remember that they took Emma Sherr-Ziarko's script off her to help her sound more drunk. It's an excellent performance.)

Minkowski wants interval ice cream. She wants "pirate costumes" (and she'll threaten to shoot a man to get them). She wants "swashes and buckles". She wants whatever props she can get her hands on (including a real cannon). This show is important to her, even though only three other people will witness it and two of them actively don't want to be there. It’s important to her for its own sake.

Eiffel says Minkowski wants "a second pair of eyes to tell her if the prop sabre for her Major-General costume was a bit much…"  While I certainly wouldn't put it past Goddard Futuristics to have a prop sabre on the station for no apparent reason, it feels more likely that she might have made it or adapted some existing item. Which suggests that maybe she was that passionate about the props even before Hilbert drugged her. 

Even so, it does feel significant that Minkowski's love of musicals is only revealed in the episode in which she is drugged, exhibiting lowered inhibitions, exaggerated behaviour, and an "impaired euphoric effect". Her love of musical theatre is initially revealed through a professional structure that provides permission, and then further emphasised by a forced intoxication that exaggerates some impulses that perhaps she already had.

"Some hobbies other than making trains run on time": Episode 17 (Bach to the Future)

After Eiffel tells to find Minkowski to find something else to do while her work duties have quietened down, they have the following exchange:

EIFFEL: You must have some hobbies other than making trains run on time. Something to do with friends? Boyfriends? MINKOWSKI: Of course I do, but, well, there aren't really a lot of opportunities for rock climbing or trail hiking in the immediate vicinity. 

Even though this quote doesn't mention musicals, I've included it here for two reasons. Firstly, it's very funny to me that, even after the talent show debacle, Eiffel acts like he's never had any evidence of Minkowski's hobbies. She tried to perform a whole play almost single-handedly and it didn't occur to him that this might indicate an interest of hers outside of work. I think this reflects the fairly two-dimensional view that Eiffel has previously had of Minkowski, which her interest in musical theatre didn't fit into. 

Secondly, it feels notable that Minkowski doesn't mention musical theatre here. She wants to show that she has non-work interests, but without undermining her own authoritative image. Her interest in rock climbing and trail hiking - while it may be genuine - fits with how she wants to be seen as a Commander. These are hobbies which portray her as physically capable, with a high degree of stamina and a willingness to adapt to perhaps less hospitable surroundings. Of course, Minkowski does have these traits and they serve her well on the Hephaestus. But there's not really anything particularly surprising about her expressing these interests. The surprise in this scene comes from the reveal that she has a husband, a character detail which - like her love of musicals - isn't something we'd necessarily expect from the archetype-based view of her we are initially presented with. 

Her interest in rock climbing and trail hiking never come up again, because these details don't really deepen her characterisation (or at least, they aren't really used to deepen her characterisation beyond proving that she isn't entirely all-work-and-no-play). In contrast, Minkowski's love of musicals is brought up over and over because it shows another side of her that she struggles to reveal on the Hephaestus, and that allows more interesting things to be done with her characterisation.

"You wanted to write showtunes": Episode 35 (Need to Know)

Alongside the more high stakes discoveries prompted by the leak from Kepler's files, we also learn that Minkowski applied to - and was rejected from - the Tisch Graduate Musical Theater Writing Program.

Up until this point, we've only had evidence that Minkowski enjoys performing in musicals. But here we learn that Minkowski doesn't just love watching or performing in musicals - she wanted to write them too. This suggests a creative side to her that we never see her fully express.

The course

The Tisch Graduate Musical Theatre Writing Program claims to be the only course of its kind in the world and it accepts just 30 students each year. The current application process requires applicants to: upload play scripts or recordings of songs they've written; answer a large number of extended response questions about their creative process and views on musical theatre; write a 'statement of purpose' which has to talk about why they are applying and include 3 original ideas for musicals; provide a professional resume and a digital portfolio; complete an exercise of writing in response to a prompt; and undergo an interview. The process might have changed somewhat since Minkowski would have been applying (which, if it was soon after she finished college, might have been around the early 2000s) or it might be different in Wolf 359's alternate universe, but I think we can safely assume that applying to this course was a serious undertaking that required an intense amount of commitment and work. 

Applying to a course like that isn't something you do half-heartedly or on a whim. You couldn't apply to this course if you hadn't done a fair amount of musical theatre writing already. (The course requires applicants to choose to apply as bookwriters, lyricists, or composers, but I'm not going to make a guess here as to which of these Minkowski went for.) The fact that Minkowski wanted to study this course suggests that she was seriously considering trying to make a career out of musical theatre writing. In Once In A Lifetime, she tells Cutter that commanding a space station has always been her dream job, but we've got evidence here that it wasn't her only dream job. There's something kind of funny and kind of sad about the idea that writing musicals was her back-up / fall-back career path. She does not like to make life easy for herself.

The revelation 

This information is revealed against Minkowski's will. It's not something she wanted people to find out, and she isn't happy about them knowing:

JACOBI: "Dear Renée, thank you for your interest in the Tisch Graduate Musical Theater Writing Program..." MINKOWSKI: Oh, come on!  JACOBI: (pressing on) "We are sorry to say, we will not be able to offer you a spot in this year's blah blah blah." Oh this is too good. You wanted to write showtunes?  MINKOWSKI: Number one? Shut up. Number two, why are my personal records on there?! [...] How is it in any way relevant?! JACOBI: Oh, I think it's very relevant. I mean, if you're sending someone to pilot ships in deep space, you want to make sure that they can, you know... paint with all the colors of the wind.  Jacobi CRACKS UP - and, although to a lesser degree, so does Lovelace. Minkowski looks at her: really?  LOVELACE: Sorry, Minkowski. It's... it's a little funny.  MINKOWKSI: No, it isn't!

Minkowski seems defensive and embarrassed here. She obviously doesn't trust everyone there with this revelation (Jacobi, Maxwell, Lovelace, and Hera are all present). She considers this information to be "personal" and irrelevant and not even "a little funny". She's used to reactions like Jacobi's (and to a lesser extent Lovelace's); in Ep41 Memoria, she says "most people think it's hilarious that I like musicals" (see below for more thoughts about this quote). But the fact that these mocking reactions are expected doesn't mean that they don't bother her. She wants so badly to be taken seriously and, in this scene, her interest in musical theatre seems to be incompatible with that. Jacobi reacts the way that he does because of the idea that I've already expressed, that a passion for musical theatre does not fit with the serious authoritative image that Minkowski has often presented. It's not the typical hobby of a soldier, especially not a Commander.

To me, the way Lovelace laughs suggests that she might not have previously known about Minkowski's love of musicals, or at least perhaps not the full extent of it. At any rate, it's definitely news to Jacobi. And Minkowski clearly hasn't talked about it enough for it not to feel like a big reveal for her.

The rejection 

It's notable that this reveal is not just that she wanted to write for the stage, but also that she failed to get into a course that might have helped her work towards that goal. This of course compounds Minkowski's discomfort at having this information revealed. Not only did she want to write showtunes, but she encountered rejection in her attempts to do so. This detail implies that perhaps it wasn't just the appeal of her spacefaring dream that stopped her going down a theatrical career path. 

I'm about to move more into headcanon territory rather than just straightforward analysis, but I personally believe that, while Minkowski auditioned for a lot of musicals (particularly as a child / young person), she was never cast as the main role. She seems embarrassed about her interest in musical theatre in a way that (at least judging by people I've encountered) people who were always the lead in their school / college productions don't tend to be. 

We don't have much evidence about her actual level of singing/acting ability, given that she is inebriated during the only time we hear her sing in the podcast. However, it resonates with other aspects of her characterisation to imagine that Minkowski was generally good enough to get an ensemble part but never quite good enough to be cast as a main part. I think she might see only ever being cast as part of the ensemble, and failing to get into the Tisch Musical Theatre Writing programme, as slightly more down-to-earth examples of the same pattern as her repeated rejections from NASA. She is desperate to prove herself. She is "someone who very much wants to matter. To do something important." When she casts herself as almost every part in Pirates of Penzance, she is finally taking the opportunity to be a main character, an opportunity which I imagine had been denied to her over and over in both a literal and metaphorical sense.

"It's just from a play I saw once": Episode 41 (Memoria)

The next scene I want to talk about is from a memory of Hera's, which took place on Day 57 of the Hephaestus mission and in which Minkowski appears to be talking about the Stephen Sondheim musical Sunday in the Park with George:

MINKOWSKI: Oh, it's just from a play I saw once. It doesn't matter. (BEAT) The guy who sings it is this famous French painter. And his entire life is kinda falling apart. But he can always turn what's happening around him into these beautiful paintings.  HERA: And? MINKOWSKI: And... That's, I don't know. Reassuring, maybe? (BEAT) I don't know why I'm going on about this. You don't care.  HERA: I think it's interesting.  MINKOWSKI: Yeah? Most people think it's hilarious that I like musicals.  HERA: I don't see what's funny about it.  MINKOWSKI: Well, thank you Hera, but you're not exactly... you know.  HERA: I'm not... what? 

There's a couple of different things I want to pick out from this exchange. Firstly, the line "Most people think it's hilarious that I like musicals" makes me sad. I don't think she's talking about people on the Hephaestus there. Judging by the quote I talked about from Bach to the Future, Eiffel definitely wouldn't have registered Minkowski's love of musicals at this stage, and I doubt Hilbert cares at all about the hobbies of his fellow crew members. So Minkowski is talking about experiences that she's had on Earth, of people mocking her interest in musicals and thinking it doesn't fit with who she is. You can hear the impact of those experiences in Minkowski's reluctance to elaborate, in the way she says that something she obviously cares about doesn't matter, in her assumption that Hera doesn't care.

Secondly, this scene is a complicated one for Minkowski and Hera's relationship. On the one hand, Minkowski freely talks to Hera about something she's passionate about, and Hera listens and expresses interest. Hera validates Minkowski's interest in musical theatre without making a thing of it being weird and Minkowski thanks her. Again, it’s shown as an interest they could could potentially share.

But on the other hand, it seems like part of the reason Minkowski feels able to open up to Hera is because at this point Minkowski doesn't see opening up to Hera as fully equivalent to opening up to a fellow human. She doesn't just accept Hera not making fun of her interest; instead it seems Minkowski is about to imply that this lack of judgment indicates Hera's difference from humans (although she does have the decency not to say it outright). Minkowski's expectation of judgment from others contributes to her saying something very hurtful to Hera here. (This kind of potential consequence of negative self-attitude is explored a lot with Eiffel, so it's interesting that Minkowski can sometimes have a similar issue.)

Minkowski and Hera's conversation is interrupted when:

The DOOR OPENS.  EIFFEL: Hey, Minkowski, we've - What are you guys talking about?  MINKOWSKI: We were just discussing how I'm going to take away your hot water privileges if you don't reset the long-range scan.

Eiffel can obviously tell that he's walked in on a conversation that is about something other than work, or he wouldn't have asked. But Minkowski actively chooses not to tell him that she was talking to Hera about musicals. Perhaps she doesn't know how to open up to a human subordinate about it. Perhaps she doesn't trust him not to make fun of her. Perhaps she just doesn't have any impulse to talk about her interests with him. Either way, if Minkowski's love of musicals is something which reflects a side of her personality outside of her Commander role, this is a moment where she chooses not to take an opportunity to share that side of herself with Eiffel. This reflects the emotional distance between them three months into the mission, which forms a nice contrast with the next couple of quotes I'm going to talk about.

"Composition. Balance. Harmony.": Episode 54 (The Watchtower)

When Eiffel comes directly face to face with alien life, he discovers that music is the human invention that fascinates the Dear Listeners:

EIFFEL: You haven't figured out music?  BOB: ORDER. DESIGN. TENSION. COMPOSITION. BALANCE. HARMONY.  EIFFEL: (low, to himself) Minkowski's been talking about Sondheim again…

I only learned in the course of writing this post that in this moment the Dear Listeners are almost exactly quoting a repeated phrase used throughout Sunday in the Park with George. The titular protagonist lists various combinations of these qualities in multiple songs in reference to his art. In the closing song, the lyrics are "Order. Design. Tension. Composition. Balance. Light. [...] Harmony." It's not only Eiffel's references that the Dear Listeners are incorporating into their speech - they've picked this one up from Minkowski. This also suggests that some element of her appreciation for musicals and the way she talks about them has fed into the Dear Listeners' understanding of the human phenomenon of music. The Dear Listeners aren't just parroting - they understood the quote enough that they left out the word "light", arguably the only quality in that phrase which isn't a big part of music as well as visual art. Eiffel likes music too, but I don't think that this is how he'd talk about his favourite songs.

This is a refrain about finding order and beauty out of the chaos and uncertainty of life, which was also the aspect of Sunday in the Park with George that Minkowski focused on when talking about it in Memoria. It suggests that art/music could be something governed by rules and principles, which is potentially something that appeals both to Minkowski and to the Dear Listeners.

Eiffel's response to this reference is one of those little hints that reminds us that Eiffel and Minkowski have spent a lot of time together and that not all of that time has involved them being at each others' throats or actively in a life-or-death situation. Some of it has just been Minkowski going on about a musical she loves and Eiffel (willingly or not) paying enough attention that he recognises this phrase as a Sondheim quote that Minkowski has talked about. I suppose that this quote might have been in Eiffel's pop-culture-brain anyway, but judging from Eiffel's general tastes and the fact that I don't think Sunday in the Park with George is one of the more commonly known Sondheim musicals among non-musical fans, it seems more likely that this quote is something he only knows because Minkowski has talked about it. 

Eiffel sounds exasperated at the mention, like he's heard Minkowski talk about Sondheim far too much. But I'd argue that this still says something positive about their relationship, when we contrast it with a couple of other moments I've already mentioned. Firstly, when her previous musical theatre ambitions are revealed to Jacobi, Maxwell, and Lovelace in Need to Know, Minkowski seems embarrassed and defensive. Secondly, in the memory from Memoria, she avoids telling Eiffel that she was talking about this same musical. Yet, by the time The Watchtower takes place, Eiffel is sick of hearing Minkowski talk about Sondheim. She doesn't have the same barriers up in sharing her interests with him, even though he doesn't have the same interests. I think this is a demonstration of how comfortable she feels with him. It's a hint at the kind of easy downtime that they've sometimes shared.

"One day more": Episode 61 (Brave New World)

Eiffel recognises another musical reference of Minkowski’s in the finale. As the crew are preparing for their final confrontation with Cutter and co., Minkowski quotes Les Misérables, mostly to herself - but Eiffel recognises the lyrics and joins in:

EIFFEL: Hey - chin up, soldier. We're almost through. Just one more day, and then we're done.  MINKOWSKI: Yeah, one more day. (more to herself) The time is now, the place is here - one day more.  EIFFEL: - one day more.  They both stop, dead in their tracks. MINKOWSKI: Did you just - ?  EIFFEL: Was that what I - ?  They look at each other: No way. And BURST INTO LAUGHTER.  EIFFEL: Man... this is really it, huh? The end of everything. 

It feels really important that Minkowski and Eiffel share this moment of togetherness before she tries to send him back to Earth and before the rest of the action goes down. I think there’s some nice symbolism about them finding a way to communicate that they both understand. Making references is Eiffel's thing, and musicals are Minkowski's thing, so this is a synthesis of their two approaches. Again, there's a contrast with Minkowski's previous unwillingness to share her musical theatre passions with Eiffel (at least without the mitigating circumstances of a mandatory talent show and some kind of intoxicating substance).

I talked about the significance of the fact that they reference this particular musical in this post from ages ago. I don't think it's too much of a spoiler for Les Misérables to say that the revolution that the song One Day More is building up to does not end well for the revolutionaries. When Eiffel says "Just one more day, and then we're done", it encompasses both the possibility that the crew will escape to travel back to Earth and the possibility that they will all die. Minkowski's reference to a famously tragic musical suggests that it's the latter possibility that's at the forefront of her mind (right before she tries to send Eiffel away from the danger). But Les Misérables is also a story about people standing together in solidarity against powerful oppressive forces, which gives particular resonance to the way that this reference brings Eiffel and Minkowski together in a moment of being completely on the same wavelength as they prepare to fight Cutter and Pryce's plan.

When they laugh here, it's not about the 'hilariousness' of Minkowski's interest in musicals, it's about their unexpected unison - Eiffel's recognition of Minkowski's reference and Minkowski's surprise at the fact he joined in. It's a laugh of togetherness, of shared understanding, of friendship. It's a moment of lightness in dark times. And that moment is provided by Minkowski's pop culture interests, not Eiffel's. In spite of all they've been through, she's not lost that part of herself, and in fact, she's more open about it, at least to Eiffel.

I'll finish by highlighting what Eiffel says when he's trying to get into character to impersonate Minkowski so he can turn the Sol around:

EIFFEL: Umm... yes, this is Lieutenant Commander Renée Minkowski. I'm... uh... well I sure love schedules, and, uh, musicals. And that man, who I married…

I just think this is a nice example of Eiffel not defining Minkowski solely by her professional Commander role. Sure, she likes schedules (probably in a personal as well a professional capacity to be fair), but she also loves musicals, and her husband. It is a fairly reductive overview of her as a person, but it feels reductive in a fond way, like these things are part of Minkowski's brand to Eiffel in a way that he might affectionately tease her about. (Credit to @commsroom for this thought.) His view of Minkowski has come a long way from "our resident Statsi agent" or even just "you must have some hobbies other than making trains run on time." He doesn't see any contradiction or inherent humour in Lieutenant Commander Renée Minkowski's appreciation of musicals.

Conclusion

Minkowski's love of musical theatre is used to deepen her characterisation and is one of the ways in which we gradually begin to see her complexity beyond the strict Commander archetype. The degree to which she is prepared to share this interest at various points is used to illustrate the nature of her relationships with other characters: a general unwillingness to show a less serious side of herself; a complicated potential shared interest with Hera; and the growing understanding between her and Eiffel.

If you read this whole thing, well done / thank you 😄 It wasn't meant to be this long - it just happened… Feel free to share your thoughts!

#It's Minkowski Essay Time again! #This is over 4700 words and still doesn't cover it all... #I hadn't quite realised there was so much to say! #Wolf 359 #w359 #If anyone is more familiar with 'Sunday in the Park with George' and has thoughts on why it might particularly appeal to Minkowski #I'd be interested to hear #I listened to the soundtrack and read the Wikipedia plot summary #but I don't think I really got it #My other significant bit of research was that #in order to see what applying to the Tisch Graduate Musical Theatre Writing Program involves #I had to create an account as if I was actually applying #which might be the oddest thing I've done for character analysis #If it interests anyone I could do a post with more detail about that application process #cos it looks insanely intense #Renée Minkowski #Renee Minkowski #the empty man posteth #I hope no one takes things I have said here as critical of musical theatre people btw #I'm just talking about general perceptions #In general I do enjoy musicals myself from an audience perspective

[vilf-lover]

me? with random alphabetized head-canons that no one asked for???

anyway, here’s some head-canons, i’ll add more the more i think of them

and feel free to talk about yours, i love reading them!!

(i’m still getting used to tumblr so be patient with the formatting)

Asher had a crush on David when they were growing up, he didn’t realize that he was gay until he actually thought about it. They kissed once and he realized the crush was over

Asher gets Baabe a card for *every* holiday, even the ones no one really knows about

Angel and Baabe started a karaoke tradition (almost everyone was a theatre kid and no i will not be taking criticism)

Angel listens to Taylor swift and David *pretends* to hate it

Angel met David a week after their breakup, they aren’t happy with how fast they moved on (but Michael cheated so it’s fine)

Caelum smells like specifically the pillsbury cream cheese frosting, and strawberries

Darlin’ bites their nails and did their entire childhood, no matter how hard their parents tried to stop them

Darlin’ got bitches in highschool. They rode a motorcycle because their dad didn’t use it anymore and despite them being an antisocial nerd in disguise, they still had a lot of people that sought after them.

Darlin hates animals and kids but they always love them, so they end up holding at-least one child at every get together by force

Darlin’ is constantly getting bombarded by teens in the pack because they all think they’re super cool, they had to get used to giving advice on how not to follow in their footsteps

Darlin has a lot of random things their good at like playing electric guitar and dancing because their parents but them in a lot of different things in hope to keep their anger controlled

Darlin’ had tried every alcohol under the sun by age 16

Darlin’ smoked and drank a lot growing up, following their parents, but stopped after ending it with quinn because he’s the one that further encouraged that behavior in the first place and said it made them “more fun”

David drives a black 1967 fastback mustang

David can’t dance but Angel is always encouraging him when they play music in the house

Milo used to be a smoker, but once he found out that SH was against it, he quit cold turkey

Sweetheart speaks multiple languages (english, spanish, and ASL in my mind)

Vincent has piercings, but not as many as he used to. he only kept wearing the eyebrow, lip, and a few ear piercings but he used to have lip, nose, snakebite, and a lot of ear piercings

#redacted audio #redacted asmr #redactedverse #redacted darlin #redacted david #redacted quinn #redacted milo #redacted shaw pack #redacted vincent #redacted headcanons #redacted listener #kenza’s talking again

[justaduckarts]

Haunting Melody

“Alright folks! That’s a wrap! Good work today!” Calvin clapped his hands. As everyone was making their way off stage, he stopped you. 

“I think you know what I’m about to say,” he said gently. 

“I do,” you sighed, “I’m practicing, I swear.” 

“Well, you’d better step it up. Because if you can’t get this step down by the end of this week, I think we might have to ask you to step down and let Sophie do the lead.” Calvin patted your shoulder, “I don’t want to do that, but you seem... distracted lately.” You clenched your fists and nodded. 

“I’ll try to be more focused,” you glanced off to the side, “I’ll get it right next time.” Calvin nodded. 

“I sure hope you do. Get some rest. Goodnight.” He passed you by, leaving you alone on the stage. 

“Are you alright?” Mason came over. She set a hand on your back. 

“Sophie has been gunning for my role since Calvin picked this play,” you sighed, “and now she’s finally getting to him.” Mason nodded softly. 

“You’re going to get it,” she said gently, “I know you will. You are the best damn actor in this troupe.” You laughed dryly. 

“It sure doesn’t feel like it.” 

“Come on, hon, let’s get you out of this costume. You’ll feel better after dinner.” Mason nudged you towards backstage. You nodded. 

Once you were clean and dressed in your more comfortable work-out wear, you bid Mason goodnight. But instead of heading to where you were staying, you headed right back down to the stage. You took note that the animatronic who served as the theatre’s pianist was no longer there. You hadn’t known he could even leave his place at the bench. Oh well. 

“I just need to get this one step.” You set your water and bag down on the stage, “how hard can it be?” Opening your phone, you pulled up the musical soundtrack and selected the song. 

How lovely, the night...

One. Two. Three. And- you lead with your left yet again. Groaning, you stopped the music. Why was this one step giving you so much trouble? With another soft groan, you flopped onto the stage. 

Maybe you should just step down? Things have been so confusing lately. With all those mysterious little notes and trinkets. With Dave and Calvin constantly criticizing your performance. With Sofie trying to wiggle her way into the starring role. 

Tears welled up in your eyes. You’d worked so hard to get here. And now you were going to lose because you couldn’t get one step right? Talk about a cruel twist of fate. 

As you were dramatically lamenting, the way all theatre kids do, a new sound greeted your ears. Soft, at first. You paused your grumbling to listen. A piano. The melody was so unlike the dream-like tunes of the musical you were rehearsing, however.

This melody was dark. It was full of deep, sorrowful notes. A lamentation all its own. How fitting. You sat up. You knew it couldn’t have been coming from the piano beside the stage, but you looked there first anyway. 

No, this song was coming from somewhere deeper. You strained to listen. Below? 

Was there a basement in this theatre perhaps? Was that animatronic there? Practicing? This song was so beautifully haunting. You had wanted an excuse to introduce yourself to him. Maybe taking your mind off of your troubles for a while would help? 

Down, down, down... The theatre was so huge that finding the basement itself was a challenge. But once you started down the stairs, you felt as though you were being pulled. Some invisible force was drawing you towards the sound of the piano. 

And as you drew nearer, the haunting melody shifted. The melancholy tone was cast off and a deep rage replaced it. Violent notes bounced off the walls of the staircase. A curse to those who had damned the soul who created such a melody. The emotion of it was so raw it shook you to your core. You had to know this pianist. You had to know what had hurt them so deeply. 

At last, you found yourself in front of a lone red door. It was cracked open, and soft candlelight came spilling out of it. The room beyond looked quite dark. The piano continued to roar with the melody of its tortured composer. 

When you put your hand on the door, intent on opening it just enough to peek, it creaked softly. The music halted. You drew your hand back. Your heart skipped as the silence settled in. Taking a step back, you considered retreating. Suddenly, the door swung open fully. Red light washed over you.

“Who- The deep voice stopped short. The raging inferno inside of him died instantly. “It’s you.” He stared down at you in quiet disbelief. 

“Do I know you?” You felt stupid for saying it, but it was all you could think to utter in the moment. You were baffled. Here you were, at the mercy of an impossibly tall animatronic with a rage unlike any you’d ever seen. But at the sight of you he’d seemed to lose all momentum. 

This animatronic was not the sunny pianist from upstairs, however. They did bear some resemblance to one another; both tall and lanky with round faces. But this one lacked rays and bore a cooler color scheme. He had a distinct white crescent set into an otherwise dark face. Two brilliant red eyed glowed in the dark, fixed on you in wonder. 

Like the sunny animatronic, he was impeccably dressed. Atop his head sat a silky blue cap covered in little stars. He wore a black suit, embellished with blue and gold details. 

“You do not,” he supplied, just as mystified by you as you were him. Next to him, you felt horribly underdressed. 

“But you know me?” You realized you’d been gripping your shirt rather tightly. You let your hands relax. 

“How could I not? You are the shining star.” He seemed to gather himself, grinning down at you. 

“Shining- You? You left those notes?” Heat crept up into your face. Him? Some secret animatronic below the theatre? Was this creepy or flattering? 

“Forgive me,” he shifted, looking off to the side, “I would have paid you those compliments in person, but I’m terribly shy... And I’m not permitted to be seen by guests.” He glanced back at you. 

So that’s why the notes would appear when you were away. And why you hadn’t figured out who was leaving them. 

“What brings you down to such a terrible place as this?” He tilted his head, “you shouldn’t be here. It isn’t safe.” There was a weight to those words that troubled you. 

“I heard you playing,” your fingers found purchase on your shirt again, “I wanted to pay you a compliment. I’ve never heard a song like that before. It was... haunting. But in a beautiful way? I’m not sure that makes sense- 

“No,” he gingerly took up your hand, “it makes sense. I’m glad you like it. Would you... like to hear the full song?” Already, he was taking a step back. Luring you into the candlelit room beyond that ominous red door. 

“But you said it wasn’t safe?” You felt compelled to follow him, though. You wanted to hear the song again. To bask in it. 

“It’s true,” he nodded, grin stretching, “it’s not. But if you stay beside me, nothing will harm you.” What did that mean? You realized you were already walking. Following him further and further into the dark. 

A piano sat at the center of a room you couldn’t see. You only knew the piano was there thanks to the sparse candles around it. Just enough light to make out its edges in the dark. The mysterious animatronic drew you to the piano’s bench. 

“I should warn you, it’s not completed,” he said, “you see, it’s meant to be accompanied by a voice. But I find my own voice does not quite fit the song the way I would like it to...” He took a seat on the bench and patted the space beside him. Hesitantly, you sat. Grinning, the lunar themed animatronic stretched his fingers over the keys. 

“Wait!” You set a hand on his arm. He paused, glancing at you. 

“Yes, shining star?” He looked at you. You had so many questions. But you spat out the very first one the seemed reasonable.

“What’s your name?” You searched his face. Grinning, he took your hand up from his arm and pressed it to his lips. 

“You may call me Moon, my dear.” 

Next Part --- Previous Part

#justaduckarts #lunar phantom #fnaf moon #fnaf fanfic #phantom of the opera #moon x reader #daycare attendant x reader

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

okay so after i saw the announcement of a stranger things animated show, i looked into it just for more context and found out that this year, a stranger things stage show opens in london, and as a british theatre nerd, i may have fell down a rabbit hole.

to preface, i have not studied drama since i was 16. i did not pursue further it as much as i wish i had. i have, however, seen many many plays and musicals, both amateur and professional. i know at least a little more than the average person.

so if youre remotely interested in hearing amateur analysis of what we know of stranger things: the last shadow, welcome:

"take theatrical storytelling and stagecraft to a whole new dimension"

so in one article, i found this quote. i couldnt find who said it exactly, just someone associated with the play.

i'm hoping, this is just marketing; i really hope its just marketing. because this feels a bit insulting to uh, a lot of people who came before. such as augusto boal who founded theatre of the oppressed or konstantin stanislavski or bertolt brecht or antonin artaud who founded theatre of cruelty.

i mention artaud because im expecting some elements from theatre of cruelty. if you look up any artaud plays or theatre of cruelty plays on youtube, youll probably get why.

but anyway, as you might have gathered, this hasnt inspired confidence in me. and i already wasnt confident because it is very difficult to translate film or tv to theatre, and vice versa. look at phantom 2004. i dont believe the duffers would be able to do this; this isnt even a knock on their writing, i dont think most writers could do this without practice.

and so i went to their website to see who else was involved

now is probably a great time to mention how inaccessible their website is. in the background of their website, there are small flashing lights all over the screen. theres no warning for this.

it literally triggered a migraine in me and i had to take my strongest medication for it. fuck you website designer.

(also, just gonna mention it here, i do like the poster and some of the website design, ignoring the stupid lights, but i cannot find the artist ANYWHERE on the website, which as an artist, fuck you)

anyway, first thing i did was look at who is writing it, and im in two minds about it. there are four writers credited: kate trefry, duffer brother 1, duffer brother 2, and jack thorne.

if you recognise jack thornes name, its probably because he wrote the awful harry potter play.

HOWEVER, hes actually quite a competent writer like 90% of the time. his plays tend to get at least 3 out of 5 stars. looking through the reviews, his best regarded plays are bunny, hope, solid life of sugar water, and his adaptation of let the right one in

that last one is very promising because he drew both on the book and film in adaptation. jack thorne does know how to adapt media into different mediums. he has also won an adaption award for his adaption of a christmas carol. his adaptation of the film after life has also be commended for being a good adaption.

this is not to say his work isnt without criticism. i mean, he wrote cursed child. he also has been criticised for slow pacing, shallow writing and one of his more recent plays, sunday, apparently had a "hello fellow kids" vibe. he is now in his 40s afterall.

so a bit of a mixed bag, but a good sign in terms of it not being simply terrible due to lack of understanding of medium.

i also have to mention that jack thorne is disabled and is an advocate for disabled folks in the dramatic arts. when he wrote the solid life of sugar water, he dictated that one character should always be played by a deaf actor. he does also write many disabled stories. his impact is a net positive.

(hes also frank skinners brother-in-law which is fun)

now, the other three writers have never written for stage, which uh, yeah, no, that does the opposite of inspiring courage in me. it is a very different process than writing for films or tv, and none of them have any writing credits for stage work.

on the poster, kate trefry is credited as the main writer which could go either way. shes not written much for screen. she has at least written stranger things episodes so shes not going into it blind.

honestly, i just hope they use jack thorne and his expertise more than they need to. hes the wise old man in their group and i really hope they listen to him and dont just try and do it all themselves.

now onto the director: stephen daldry. ive never seen his work live, but when i was studying drama, i really wanted to.

to give you an idea as to why, when david hare was working on via dolorosa, he had daldry as a co-director and when daldry responded no to hare asking if something was over the top, hare said "your top is situated some hundred yards above everyone else. ive seen your productions."

do you get why i want to see one of his productions asdfdesd his work tends to be very expressionistic and vivid. his directing style has been described as consistent stylised helming. hes won a lot of awards and he tends to get 4/5 stars at the very least on his works.

hes also helped to adapt the billy elliot movie (which is both fantastic and directed by him) to stage and it was fantastic.

hes also gay <3

the set designer is miriam buether. ive never seen any of her work live so i cant speak for the atmosphere it creates, but her setwork looks fine. shes versatile and doesnt need to go over the top with spectacle for her sets to look good.

in particular, i really enjoy her sets for earthquakes in london. the colour work there is *chef's kiss*

unfortunately, theyve kept it all very under wraps as to the tone the stageshow is going to take so i dont know how either buethers set design of daldrys directing is going to translate.

by combining them, i would expect a very expressionistic, very brightly coloured show, which, theres some cognitive dissonance round the corner.

also the premise is about young!hopper, young!joyce, young!bob and henry creel, with some kind of mystery. id expect a more naturalistic approach with this premise, but daldry isnt exactly known for that. so im in two minds.

however, one of his best regarded shows is his adaption of an inspector calls. ive only seen a naturalistic version of that and it very much reads naturalistic. daldrys was the opposite, even going as far as swapping out the fancy dinner hall for the blitz. so if anyone is gonna make it work, it would be daldry.

in terms of light design, thats jon clark. once again, ive never seen any of his work in person so im going off of photos but oh my fucking god i love his work with shadows. hes won many awards and he fucking deserves them.

sound design is the same. ive never heard a paul arditti sound design show in person and bootlegs dont have the best audio. hes award-winning, however, so it seems like thats in good hands.

one thing i was very interested about was how they were going to translate the upside down and the monsters. the show relies on cgi which obviously, you cant really do cgi on a stage; it would just look kinda shit.

their solution seems to be hiring two illusion designers.

i couldnt find much on the first, chris fisher. hes a member of the magic circle and hes done a lot of work so he seems accomplished.

the second one, im honestly kind of excited about. the second is jamie harrison who is the co-artistic director for a company called vox motus WHO ARE SO FUCKING COOL.

there is no mention of his partner in vox motus, candice edmunds, but that could mean nothing.

instead of trying to explain what vox motus do, im just gonna copy two quotes from their website:

"ours is a theatre of story-telling visuals, transformational design, magic, comedy, music, physical performance, puppetry, multi-media and most importantly thrills."

"we are drawn to stories that explore extremes of behaviour and taboos in the contemporary world: often unbelievable true tales that delve into the bizarre, glorious, exhilarating and macabre."

look up their stuff, its so fucking cool. there is also definitely some elements of artaud in their work. it gives me a lot of confidence for the show being enjoyable even if the writing is bad, because spectacle can go a long way.

i genuinely kinda want to go see this show now because i really want to see their work, and id get a chance to see a daldry play.

so like a tl/dr for this part: im not confident in the writing but i dont necessarily think itll be bad. i think the worst itll be is sufficient and mediocre, if they listen to jack thorne. i do have a lot of confident in the visual aspects and spectacle; even if the writing is shit, it will look good.

now im going to be an annoying disabled person and point out some accessibility stuff:

as i mentioned before, the website has small flashing lights all over the background. theres no warning for this. it triggered a migraine for me which was the best three options considering they could have also triggered visual disturbances in my eyes (aka seeing things that arent there due to my iih) or epileptic symptoms due to brain damage.

the theatre itself does have wheelchair access at the side of the building it also has accessible toilets. there is no onsite parking which does make it more difficult for wheelchair users.

they have said they will present captioned, audio-described and british sign language performances, but the dates are not yet set. they instruct you to keep checking . im a little intrigued about this and a little concerned considering its currently may 9th and it opens 17th november.

if you need accessible tickets, you need to have atg access membership. this is a third party company. to have this, you have to show paperwork or documents to prove that you're disabled which is often not possible for many disabled folks. i dont have a written diagnosis for anything besides my adhd diagnosis because i was diagnosed in person or over the phone. luckily, i receive pip so i qualify but its a ridiculous standard.

in the faq, theres a question about being aware of any potential trigger warnings; the answer to this is copy and pasted from the question above which asked about age rating and parental guidance, apart from them adding that there will be flashing lights in the show.

and finally some extra details:

there is a £3.80 transaction charge on top of ticket purchases

you cannot book over the phone

they are all e-tickets

currently, you cannot buy group tickets or student tickets, and you can only purchase a max of 6 tickets.

they are planning a weekly-lottery for late-release tickets, and this will be announced closer to the first show

there is not a confirmed runtime

they have no current plans to move the show outside of london

the age rating is 12+. this means under 16s must be accompanied by adults and under 5s are just not allowed in. not entirely sure how it works if youre age 6 to 11.

the most common ticket price i saw was starting at £45 (about $57). the second most common was starting at £75 (about $95).

there were some tickets starting at £20 (about $25).

i might actually buy a ticket and see it. i would have to save for it but i could do it and then tell you if its shit or not lmao

#stranger things #stranger things the last shadow #long post #kai rambles

[loostssoul]

if you kissed me - Rodrick Heffley | 1.9k

Yeah yeah i know i haven't written since a million years ago. and yeah yeah i know this is my first real fanfiction i posted on tumblr. fair warning, i'm not the best writer, i honestly just do this for fun and i'm totally up to criticism because i do want to make my writing better. if this is literally inaccurate, im sorry its been like 5 years since i've read the books. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this fluff-fest that I created in the span of a few hours.

paring: rodrick x reader genre: fluff. lots of fluff

Credits to the maker of the picture! 15 Days till the Contest | 9:42 PM, Saturday

Plick, plick, plick

My speakers were blasting so loud I almost didn’t hear the sound of pebbles hitting my window.

Plick, plick, plick

I rubbed my eyes and slammed my laptop shut, walking toward my bedroom window. Peering down, I saw a figure a few yards down from my second-story bedroom, looking back up at me. Dark brown, messy hair that stuck up around his face. A red and black flannel, black ripped jeans, and, (of course) a tee-shirt with “Loded Diper” clumsily written on it. A grin spread on his face as he saw my face come into his view, causing me to blush. Rodrick Heffley, Crossland High bad boy, and my boyfriend.

I unlocked the latch to my window and stuck my head out, taking in the cool air and letting the neighbors enjoy the music I was playing (they never did). I looked down.

“Y/N!” He whisper-yelled

“Evening, Heffley.”

“I need to tell you something!”

“What’s so important that you have to scratch my window instead of using the power of modern technology to call me?”

His mouth opened to give me a response, but nothing came out. I smirked, “Come on up.”

I opened the window wider as he climbed the trellis that lined the back of my house. I backed up to my door and locked it. Precautions, my parents liked Rodrick but they definitely wouldn’t approve of him in my room at night. I looked back and I saw him, every feature of him illuminated by the light of my room. His cheeky smile and chocolate brown eyes. He slowly closed the window and walked toward me, brushing a strand of hair out of my face. I still got butterflies whenever he touched me.

“Hey, Spiderman. What did ya climb in here to tell me?” I asked

“I got Loded Diper into a contest.”

My eyes widened, Loded Diper, my boyfriend’s rock band, wasn’t exactly known for being the best. It was mostly known for his mom’s insane dance moves during the Plainview Talent Show. But of course, i'll never say that in front of his face.

“You did?! That’s awesome Rodrick!”

“Yeah! It's a battle of the bands contest, we’re going against two other bands. I really think this is gonna be our big break!” His eyes sparkled in excitement.

His happiness was contagious, he was like a goddamn puppy. I pulled him into my arms. “I’m proud of you Rod.” I muttered and smiled into his collarbone. I felt him inhale the scent of my hair and twirl my locks around his fingers.

“Hey,” he said, breaking the hug. “I’m having practice tomorrow with the band, you wanna come?”

“Sure. I go to every practice anyway, why miss out on this one?” I shrugged.

He chuckled and looked at me. Really looked at me. That’s one of the reasons why I fell for him. It never seemed like it, but he paid attention. We’ve only been dating for 4 months, but he knew me like no one else did, and I knew that in the way he looked at me. I felt his hand cup my face, his thumb rubbing my cheek in small circles. I looked up at him, noticing how tall he was, how close he was. Was I the one who leaned in? Was he the one who leaned in? Did we just do it subconsciously? Did he want this? Was he ready? Was I ready?

The ringing of Rodrick’s phone filled the room. The daze we were trapped in was gone and we separated, our faces red. Rodrick picked up the phone, it was his mom.

“Yeah, mom? Mom...I’m in the middle of something. I’ll do laundry later, ok? Now? C’mon… Alright, fine. Bye.” He hung up. “Sorry, I gotta blast.”

“It’s fine, I’ll see you tomorrow?” I asked him as he started toward my window.

He looked back at me and planted a kiss on my forehead, the farthest we’ve ever gone with physical touch as a couple.

“Tomorrow”

~~✰✰✰~~

14 Days till the Contest | 1:22 PM, Saturday afternoon

“Should we take it from the top?”

Practice wasn’t going so well. I could feel the nervousness, the tension. Drums were slightly off beat, the guitarist’s fingers would fly to the wrong places on the fretboard, lyrics would go all over the place. The contest was two weeks away, and Loded Diper was already feeling the anxiousness. I sat on the floor of the garage, on top of a picnic blanket I found. To Rodrick’s dismay, his mom forced him to let Greg watch band practice, as a form of “brother-to-brother bonding time.” Greg sat next to me, mockingly covering his ears.

“Oh thank god, it's done.” Greg said with an immense amount of sarcasm and uncovering his ears.

Rodrick threw a crumpled-up piece of paper at his head, “Shut up.”

“Both of you, be nice.” I laughed. “I think you guys should take a break for a while, maybe shake off the nerves.”

“Good idea Y/N, 20 minute break everyone!” The lead singer said. Everyone spread out, grabbing a piece of pizza ordered earlier and laying down. Greg ran out of the garage, yelling, “I’m free!”

Rodrick stood up and began gulping down a bottle of water. He wore a black tanktop and black ripped jeans, sweat dripping down his forehead. I ran up behind him and wrapped my arms around his torso. He turned and faced me, running his hands through my hair, lost in thought.

“You ok, Rod?” I asked him.

He sighed, “nerves”

I leaned my head on his chest, “You’re gonna do great, you’ve done so many gigs in the past. Think of this as one of those!”

He smiled at me, “You know what would make me feel a lot less nervous?”

“Oh god. What?”

A really common thing Rodrick did was try to bargain a kiss on the lips from me. It's been an ongoing joke, a meaningless bit he did all the time. I’ll do my homework if you kissed me on the lips. I’ll smile in the picture if you kissed me on the lips. It still hasn’t worked.

“I might be less nervous if you kissed me on the lips.” He whispered to me.

I rolled my eyes, “If that’s what it takes then I think you’ll lose the competition.”

He let go of me and laughed, my favorite laugh. “Worth a try.” He shrugged, going off to join his bandmates and the pizza. But as I watched him smile and laugh with his friends, I lost myself. I thought about the previous night. The way we fit into each other, the closeness, the fact that was so close that I could see my reflection in his eyes.

Maybe I should just say yes.

~~✰✰✰~~

The Day of the Contest

For the past 2 weeks, Rodrick has given me the “kiss-bargain” joke 9 times. Every time, I deflected it with sarcastic remarks, and every time I regretted not agreeing.

I sat on the front steps of my porch, waiting for Rodrick to pick me up. I regretted the jean shorts and plain black tee-shirt I had on, as a cold breeze brushed my skin. I pulled my black leather jacket on, which I painted “Loded Diper” on the back in white paint. Then, I heard it. The echo of heavy metal turned to full blast, and… the faint sound of something big getting knocked over. Oh god, they’re here. The white van with “Loded Diper” written in huge words screeched to a halt in front of my house.

The window rolled down, revealing my boyfriend and his excited grin. “Get in.”

~~✰✰✰~~

30 minutes till Loded Diper preforms

It felt surreal to be backstage, and really exciting. Energy was flowing through the room, as all the other bands talked and played. The rest of the band members seemed excited, full of adrenaline. Except for Rodrick, he’s been nervous ever since soundcheck. His leg was bouncing,he twirled his drumsticks around, drumming them on random objects, and his eyes stared into nothing.

“Rodrick, you want me to do your eyeliner?”

“Huh?” He didn’t take his eyes away from the ground, his voice seemed far away.

I lifted a liquid eyeliner pen I had in my pocket, “Eyeliner. I just did mine, we can match!”

He lifted his head and noticed me. I had my eyeliner smudged, just like he always does during a gig. He grinned, “Yeah. Yeah sure.”

I’ve done his eyeliner many times in the past, and I loved doing it because I had to be as close to him as possible. So I hopped onto his lap, pressing myself close to him, trying to comfort him with my warmth.

“Close your eyes.” I ordered.

As I applied his eyeliner, I could feel his heartbeat against my chest. It was heavy, and fast. I’m pretty sure I would still hear it if I wasn’t as close to him as I was, even though the loud music blasting through the theatre.

“Done”

He opened his eyes, and butterflies flooded my stomach. We were close. Very close. Should I do it? Should I lean in?

Rodrick probably sensed my flustered-ness. He smirked, “Cat got your tongue?”

I rolled my eyes, blushing hard. “Shut up.” I said, playfully punching him.

~~✰✰✰~~

“5 Minutes until Loded Diper performs!” A man exclaimed to us.

Rodrick was as nervous as ever. We’ve been standing on the left wing of the stage, watching the other bands play. It felt like a bunch of Loded Diper copy-pastes. A bunch of high schoolers, weird names, very aggressive playing. But they were still pretty good. Rodrick was biting the nails of one of his hands and tapping his other hand on the wall behind him. I looked up at him and held his hand, stopping it from fidgeting. He smiled nervously.

Now or never Y/N…

“Hey, you said that if I kiss you, you won’t be as nervous. Right?”

He looked at me, wide eyed. He seemed to be trying to compute what I said.

I stood on tiptoe and put his face in my hands. It was that night all over again. Every detail of his face, of him was in full view. His eyes, his eyeliner, his scent, his lips. I leaned in.

His lips were soft against mine, but they were tense, flustered. I was terrified, It was the wrong place, the wrong time. Until I felt one hand in my hair, another on my waist, pulling me closer.

How long was the kiss? A few seconds? It felt like minutes, hours. Sparked ignited. Butterflies flew in my stomach. His scent was the only thing I smelled, his warmth was the only thing I felt. The music faded away. Everything faded away. It was just him and I. Until we broke apart, taking in deep breaths of each other. We wanted more, but Loded Diper was playing in a few seconds.

“Hey, Rodrick.”

“Yeah?”

“If you win I’ll kiss you again”

We both knew I would kiss him regardless.

I didn't edit this because editing is for wimps (just kidding be responsible and edit your work)

please like and reblog because it gives me serotonin and i need that

#rodrick x reader #rodrick heffley #diary of a wimpy kid #rodrick rules #diary of a wimpy kid rodrick #fanfiction #rodrick heffley x reader #doawk #devon bostick

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

it wasn’t power i coveted; it was acceptance.

Titans 3.06

y’know, i was just thinking the other day that 1.06/1.07 and 2.06/2.07 were the best episodes of their respective seasons, so i have great hopes going in to this one. fingers crossed!

as always, typing this up as i see the episode.

SPOILERS AHEAD

1. oh! um... that was a Cold Open, all right. *nudges* get it? cold? because it’s snowing? and two people got murdered in cold blood? eh?

... oh, i’ve just started.

1.5. i wonder if “i want to be sipping pina coladas on a beach with you” is the new “i’m just one day away from retiring.” i was so on edge after that--i kept expecting that car to explode. even so, the way they died wasn’t an anticlimax: brutal, and quick. 

1.75. so i’m assuming that’s the titular lady vic! this show better bring up why this doll was important or why these two cops needed to be killed, and not leave it to the ether like jericho’s little mindscape jaunt in 2.08 (i’m still dying to know what that was about???)

2.

i love how deliberately unappealing wayne manor is. 

(sorry for the pic quality. i don’t have hbo max! ssshhh.)

2.3. i love the many references to “home” and “our house” when they’ve been here for less than a week and saw one of their friends get blown into pieces. i mean, i unironically love it: home is where family is, after all!

2.5. i’d like to say that kom is playing some sort of long game here, especially given the build-up we had last season and some of the more niggling details this season: why did kom choose now to use her bond to lure kory when she’s been on earth for months? why did justin call kory now, just around the time that she started getting kom’s visions? and what about kom’s ability to exactly imitate other people? hmmm.

2.75. the reason i wrote i’d like to say is that i’ve made the mistake of assuming plot complexity where there is none; i was so invested in the jason todd orchestrated his own death theory for instance, when it turns out that oops! ra’s al ghul just happened to leave a little lazarus puddle in gotham, and oh yeah! scarecrow just happens to have a network of henchmen working for him on the outside and a fully functional laboratory and a weapons cache fit for a new supervillain in the basement of the high security psychiatric unit/prison that he’s in! 

(no i’m not bitter, why do you ask)

2.8. iiiii don’t know what to say about the implications of sex slavery being a thing on tamaran, so i’m not going to say anything at all. for now.

3. gotham, six years ago... wasn’t it five years before s2 that jericho died and the titans disbanded? and when was the flashback from 1.06 where dick let zucco die? i think it was after the events of 2.08: jericho? i can’t seem to find any transcripts or reliable information online, so i’m going to have to rewatch 1.06 at some point. 

(i love the old-fashioned batman music in this heist scene)

3.5. “security is a joke... it’s my way of keeping my dad on his toes”. what you’re an ethical thief now, like an ethical hacker? i don’t think that excuse is going to sell, barbara, on the day you do encounter a decent security system and your father is forced to arrest you.

(then again, gotham’s security is piss-poor. did you know that you could just walk into arkham asylum without any official clearance, ply one of its most dangerous inhabitants with contraband, and said inmate could get away with having an entire laboratory and weapons cache--NO I’M NOT GOING TO LET THIS GO)

3.8 so that flashback between dick and barbara was really cute! and also illuminating:

a) dick sounds so light, so... um. look. i have some apologies to tender to mr thwaites, because while i’ve always thought he does a fine job as dick grayson, i’ve never been terribly fond of his cadence as he delivers dialogue. it’s often monotonous, i thought, but then again, he’s usually delivering exposition or dealing with one soul-crushing crisis or the other. so i was pleasantly surprised to hear dick sound so carefree and alive in his conversation with barbara, laughing frequently, his emotions so bare and bubbling to the surface. it’s really a fantastic contrast to the traumatised and world-weary dick grayson that we see now, even more so than the costume department just bunging a backwards-baseball cap on mr thwaites’ head and hoping that will convince us of his relative youth. 

b) and god, when he wakes up from that memory, all alone in his bed, bleeding from bullet holes in his shoulder (bullet holes that are--in a somewhat convoluted way--barbara’s fault)? yikes. it’s great. you have my apologies, mr thwaites!

c) can you imagine dick just... crawling back to wayne manor, trying not to be seen by anybody, shedding his suit and just... collapsing onto his bed without even tending to his wound? the sheer emotional and physical exhaustion of it? 

d) it’s so interesting to see how barbara and dick approach the idea of legacy--a big theme on the show!--in this flashback. barbara is the one bucking the idea that she should follow in her father’s footsteps, while dick seems pretty content with the batman-and-robin setup, and even tries to get barbara to join their team (robin-girl. pfffft). obviously after this several traumatic things happen wherein dick ends up questioning and then resenting his role as robin, his relationship with batman or even returning as a vigilante at all. and barbara... ends up replacing her father as commissioner. it’s tragic, really. 

e) the dynamic between dick and barbara in the flashback reminds me of how it was between dick and donna in 1.08 and even between kory and dick in early s1. it’s like having an older, strong-willed woman by his side means he gives over the steering wheel for a while and lets himself... unspool, a little bit. it’s kinda endearing.

also:

*pinches his cheeks*

3. you know, we talk about dick and Eldest Daughter Syndrome, and that’s definitely valid, but here gar seems to me the embodiment of it, with all the emotional gardening and firefighting that he’s expected to do. he’s kind of the guy expected to keep his shit together and take care of everyone else while they are falling completely to pieces, unable to carve out time to process his own trauma. he’s also picked up dick’s and kory’s tendencies to bottle up their struggles and shun appearing vulnerable, and he’s struggling in the shadow of both dick and kory undergoing acute crises, his best friend (and frequent confidante) on the other side of the world, and seeing hank die, utterly helpless to stop it. 

i’m glad that he got a chance to tell dick even a smidgeon of what he really feels, and i hope this is at least a semblance of a wake up call for dick to actually sit down and work with the people he repeatedly calls family.

3.5. it’s heartening to see that dick immediately makes it his priority to go talk to gar. but don’t blow off kory in the process, man!

4. i’m really loving this dynamic between kom and conner--i get the idea that both of them consider each other as Unknowns, alien two times over. but conner’s only ever known the titans, who embrace being different, and kom’s only ever known... well. 

anyway, kory is Really Stressed, and honestly? #relatable. 

when you’re forced to bring an estranged family member to hang out with your friends...

4.5. i love that the titans are spending so much time in the kitchen. a real family!

5. jonathan crane is a creep and i absolutely cannot stand him.

5.25. how did he get a whole lab setup (in the basement of a hospital...?) with a bunch of whitecoats to work for him? how did he just waltz into the viewing room of an operation theatre when he’s one of the most wanted men in gotham right now? why is jason wandering around maskless when--presumably--as the adopted son of the most famous person in gotham he’d be a tad more recognisable than your average joe?

why do i expect this show to answer anything anymore?

5.5. that’s not necessarily a criticism, mind; i’ve said since season 1 that titans is very comics-like in this aspect, all about the Aesthetic and the splash-page splendour rather than the niggling unimportant details of how or when the characters got to said location. like. the camera gliding over the operation being set-up, lady vic bursting in and doing her murder dance (imagine the luck of the poor intern who chose this day and this surgery to assist) and jason, shocked and slack-jawed, framed by blood.

5.75. it’s a sobering reminder for jason that, though he chose this path in order to gain control over a world that seemed like it was rapidly spinning out of his grip, he’s only succeeded in handing over even more control to a man with an agenda that is very clearly not aligned with his own. he’s in too far to stop now, though.

5.9. i have a lot more thoughts about jason! saving it up for the end of this recap, though.

6. more kitchen time! i better see dick do some cooking soon...

(”our kitchen”! it still delights me! kitchens are So Important)

6.25. so much of dick’s issues have revolved around his relationship with bruce, so it’s completely understandable that in the wake of a huge crisis where bruce literally asks dick to replace him and be a “better” him, dick would default to all the worst things he learned from the man. and i’m glad kory’s having none of it, but come on, guys. the woman’s literally fetched her fratricidal sister out of a hole in the ground with no idea what said sister is going to do next and experiencing a burgeoning sense of guilt far, far beyond her history with the titans, and dick’s too far into his autocolonoscopy that he can’t see that she needs help.

6.5. “he services your urges”--well, as far as we know, kory is the last person he had sex with...

7. “i hope [gar] isn’t angry with me...” SIR! i thought you’d already spoken to him! smh, as the kids say. kory wouldn’t be needing to reassure you if you just took the effort to build two way emotional relationships with the rest of the team. @superohclair​ was taking about dick’s relatively low emotional intelligence? i agree.

7.5. “i got my own problems [...] you and barbara? fix it.” YOU TELL HIM, KORY

8. man i really like this weird, sad tension between dick and barbara--this sense that both of them are approaching the other based on how they remember them and are ultimately disappointed by the truth. barbara thought she could trust dick to... well, be a better batman, but dick has not only failed at that in her eyes, but repeatedly undermined her while exploiting the authority that she gave him. in dick’s eyes, this is nothing like the barbara that he knew, rebellious and ready to do whatever it takes to find something. 

like. this show sometimes really hits me in the chest about the ways it shows kids grow into adults and into caretakers, and the way it’s stop-start, the ways nothing can happen at all for a long time and then it’s Crisis Central all at once and there’s no space to breathe. the weird sort of sadness that comes with nostalgia. 

8.5. oracle name drop! i agree with barbara, any system that can just randomly tap into gotham phonelines is a monster.

8.7. (i don’t know if it’s my imagination, but is dick holding himself... differently in this episode? like that wound is definitely bothering him, and he’s running on fumes)

9. man, that was a really sweet scene between kom and conner. “feeling alien in your own world”... “not quite here nor there”

honestly this team runs on conner and gar’s faith in their value as a family, and it’s a sign of conner’s generous heart that he extends that opportunity to blackfire. this arc of maturation for him, where he’s now able to consciously choose which parts of himself he can use to do the thing he wants to so--save people--has been so fulfilling to recognise. this baby’s grown with the titans! and what he’s learnt is that people can get fucked up, but the titans is a place where they can be fucked up, and grow.

MY MAN CONNER

10. oh man i’m drinking in the gar-dick interaction in this episode like i’m three days into the desert and it’s the only source of water for miles around!

a) gar is absolutely not dealing with dick’s bullshit this episode and I LOVE IT. it’s such a far cry from the man who was idolising dick/robin back in s1 and expecting him to solve all their problems. dick is fallible, dick is fucked up, but he Tries His Best and that’s ok.

b) dick, huffing and puffing through that vent, unable to put any pressure on his left shoulder, trying to have a heart to heart with gar... fuck i love this asshole. 

c) bruce took in a kid who was suffering... “and made him into a weapon”. well. i absolutely agree with dick that it was bruce who put these kids into these horrible situations with him and they came away with a bucketload of trauma to add to the one that they already had. but we know that bruce was really trying with jason, and at the end of s2, dick was coming to acknowledge that bruce had offered him something that wasn’t just darkness. jason’s death and bruce’s reaction to that shattered that fragile progress.

d) “gotham got to me too.” i feel more sympathetic towards dick running off on his own than most, and it’s not just because i’m an unapologetic stan.  we’ve seen before that dick... devolves when overwhelmed, and he lashes out and makes ill thought out decisions and just Does Not Deal. it happened after hearing the news that deathstroke had returned in s2, and it didn’t help that everyone around him was reeling at the news, either. this time, however, he has his salvation in his family, and despite some stupid decisions like running off and kidnapping supervillains without telling his team, he’s been really on the ball this season. thinking clearly and logically, holding it together and working on a plan, thinking two steps ahead of the villains... yes.

e) gar needing to believe that jason isn’t beyond redemption... there’s a lot of blood on his hands, too, from when he was manipulated by cadmus last season. it makes sense why he’d relate to jason’s predicament, and i hope dick picked up on that.

f) my head just added a plaintive ow after dick jumped feet first into the storage room

i need, crave gifs of this scene!

11. *sits on hands* i’m going to talk more about red hood, i promise!

12. more gar and dick! is it my birthday??!!

(actually, according to the tamil calendar, it is my birthday! my “star” birthday)

12.5. excellent. dick using some implausible training that bruce taught him to solve a mystery? passing some of that knowledge onto gar? that proud smile when he sees gar perfectly execute moves that he taught him? MY HEART IS EXPLODING

13. aw, i love flashback!dick and barbara, they’re so cute <3

13.25. why does it not surprise me that the way he proposes a relationship to barbara is by saying “we make sense”? this guy can deduce exactly who was present where and what weapon they were holding from a garbled audio recording but other times he’s utterly clueless, and that’s a consistent character beat right from s1

13.5. so.... that’s why lady vic has it out for... barbara....? i don’t get it. it’s flimsy. but hey! the fun thing about titans is that i don’t have to get it. the payoff has nothing to do with the plot.

14. i can’t believe that barbara fell for that, but at least that wheelchair fight looked awesome, so.

15. oh yeah, i forgot that red hood bullied the mob into helping him and scarecrow... at least that explains the whitecoats and the elaborate set-up.

15.5. honestly i love how this dynamic between kory and kom is developing, though i wish more of the team would pay attention to it. time to call justin, i think!

16. i wonder what happened after that second flashback where barbara got hurt during that heist. did she give up on doing any more (maybe jim caught her)? was it because dick was called away by bruce and then the titans and got caught up in his own issues? maybe barbara froze him out because she wasn’t looking for the relationship that he was looking for? maybe the idea of doing that with someone turning into batman-lite was just... unappealing? scary?

whatever it is, it doesn’t look like dick ever processed the end of that relationship. it’s very intriguing to see where their dynamic goes next.

17. so.... what, did vic deliver some fear toxin to barbara? i... what?

17.5. and i TOLD YOU that they would never explain that doll or why vic attacked those two cops at the beginning! oh, titans. never change. 

18. did jason just randomly have tim’s restaurant burgled? god, i’m feeling a bit nauseous... are they going to kill tim’s father?

18.25. i feel like the rest of the season is going to wrestle with jason’s culpability in the horrible stuff he’s doing and i’m already seeing that prospect divide fans. on one hand, his story is taking a lot of oxygen away from other equally interesting story arcs, and he’s done some truly awful things, like indiscriminate murder, threatening to kill children, blowing up hank, and potentially killing tim’s parents. 

there’s something to be said for the kind of hold that crane has over him, and the so-called ‘anti-fear’ drug that he keeps plying jason with--he’s alone, drugged almost constantly (to the level of dependence), fresh from the trauma of being bludgeoned to death. he hasn’t conquered fear; he’s ruled by it. on the other hand, given that he’s the one character on the show given an obvious and identifiable ‘mental illness’ arc (maaaaybe dick too), one can argue that it’s irresponsible to show this progress into such violence: jason was vulnerable because he was struggling, and that left him vulnerable, but it took only a push before he became a fucking serial killer.

but that could mean we underestimate the degree of that vulnerability, and the mechanics of this universe where he fell into the clutches of the one supervillain perfectly designed to exploit that vulnerability. that helpless spiral into further and further self-destruction is all too real. it’s valuable to know that someone who has sunk that low can still seek help--actual help--and get it. 

18.5. i don’t know. it’s not a question i’m going to resolve at the end of an overlong recap at 1 in the morning. i don’t believe it’s even a question that titans can resolve. but i am interested in where they’re going next with jason.

19. this episode was genuinely great! i’m pumped for the rest of the season!

#titans #titans spoilers #meta #dick grayson #koriand'r #barbara gordon #garfield logan #conner kent #komand'r #jason todd #jonathan crane #a byronic cupcake #badass strawberry truffle #manic pixie pop tart #a tragic jalebi #this is a 3k+ MONSTER yikes

[havethetimeofyourstyles]

Chapter Four.

a/n: this was one of my fav chapters to write, so hope you all enjoy! I think you’re all gonna like this one hehe :’) pls reblog to share and leave feedback as it continues to motivate me <3

SERIES MASTERLIST | word count: 10.1k

come talk to me about WTSGD! i’d love to know your thoughts!

October 31, 2017 

A lot had happened in the last five months that felt like an eternity. 

After Luci’s very first performance for Miss Saigon and her unfortunate breakdown that was caused by one of the biggest critics of Broadway, practically insulting her, she performed almost every night after that. 

When one bad review on her performance was ratified by hundreds of tweets and reviews, saying that Luci’s performance was one of the best they’d ever seen, she’d say she did her damn job. The night of her breakdown, she received a text from Nina, who sent her a link to a few reviews on her Broadway debut. Those articles directly addressed how unprofessional and poorly written Adam West’s review was, and that he needed to open his eyes to observe and admire brilliant, wonderful, and beautifully performed talent. On top of the important names next to Adam West, theatre-Twitter seemed to agree with the positive articles that were written about her, tweeting that Luci was the next face of Broadway; and who cared if she started her career in commercials and Off-Broadway because getting the role in Miss Saigon had proved that she worked her way up and that she was good. 

After reading the articles and tweets, her mood had drastically shifted. She was so overwhelmed by the positive comments that defended her from a misogynistic man that she cried again, but it was tears of happiness this time around. She walked out of her apartment, headed to Harry’s door to show him the uplifting reviews, and he was happy to see that she was ecstatic—he was happy for her. 

They had definitely become closer since that day. 

Harry and Luci hung out a lot. Whenever they had the chance and they both weren’t busy, they would knock on each other’s doors or text one another, asking to hang out. For the most part, he opened up to her, showcasing his true personality and becoming more comfortable around Luci—enough to joke around and be himself. He loved the way he didn’t feel like he had to be someone he’s not; everything felt true and real. 

It was refreshing for Harry to have a real friend, a best friend, other than Jeff and Mitch. Although he developed a small crush on said friend, it was nice to just have a chat and walk around the neighborhood with her. He’d been talking himself up to ask her out, not knowing if she’ll say yes or if she even feels that way about him; but from what he could tell, he thinks that she’s sort of infatuated with him. Luci would flirt with him from time to time, and would tell him that he’s adorable and sweet, making Harry’s cheeks redden from the sweet talk. 

Luci’s situation with Daisy and Samuel never got better. Ever since she started to perform more and more—sometimes even more than Daisy—they would be nothing but rude to her. They weren’t used to someone taking their spotlight; it was like someone stepping right in front of them on center stage to steal the show—especially if it was someone they despised and was new to Broadway. The two tried to take it up with Tal, demanding and arguing about how they deserved to perform every single night, but Tal kept her word to Luci and the rest of the industry: that she would stand up for her cast and run the show herself. 

Throughout the months, Luci had been talking with Harry about something very, very important. It was a few weeks ago, during their walk to a bagel place in the morning, when she first brought it up. 

“Remember that lady who came up to me after the show?” She asked as they walked along the sidewalk. Harry nodded, letting out a ‘mhm.’ “So, she’s a talent agent…” Harry raised his brows, thinking she was an agent for Broadway. “In Hollywood.” Samantha Stone was one of Hollywood’s greatest and biggest agents; she mostly worked with actors who were first starting out in the industry before making them successful. Samantha was always on the hunt for new and fresh talent; she walked the streets with an eye like a hawk. 

In early September, Samantha was in New York for a small getaway, as well as to meet one of her side pieces in the city. She figured she could watch a show or two since she was already in the city, and it’d been ages since she'd seen a Broadway show. Deciding on Miss Saigon because she saw the tweets and reviews of Luciana, she decided to give it a shot and see what her hype was about. And it did not disappoint. She was so intrigued and invested in the story, and was absolutely blown away by Luciana’s performance. Naturally, even though she shouldn’t be working, she waited until the cast was coming out of the theatre to approach her. 

Luci was in complete shock because she’d never had anyone walk up to her, telling her to give her a call because she was a talent agent and hoped to work with her soon. When Luci got back home, she looked up Samantha Stone and her breath hitched as she found out who she had worked with and what she did for a living. 

“Holy shit!” Harry completely stopped walking, making Luci stop as well. They stood on the side of the sidewalk as people passed by them. Harry beamed excitedly, but soon his smile softened, noticing Luci’s didn’t match his. “What’s the matter? Why aren’t you excited?” 

“I-I don’t know. I just get nervous thinking about it, like she wants to work with me.” Luci fiddled with her fingers. 

“Isn’t that great?” Harry asked softly; he didn’t see what was wrong with that, but he was being patient with Luci to try and understand what she was feeling and thinking about.

She nodded. “It is. I’m just nervous; I hate disappointing people. What if I call her and I do an audition or whatever, and she realizes that I’m not meant for the job? She’s the biggest agent in Hollywood, Harry. That would mean I’m not meant for any job,” she explained worriedly, anxiety bubbling up in her stomach as if it’d been simmering for hours on the stove.

Harry slightly frowned. He couldn’t imagine how it must feel to doubt one’s own talents, and he absolutely hated that Luci was doing it. 

“Luciana, listen to me.” Well, that definitely caught her attention. “You’re remarkably talented, end of. If you end up being dropped by that agent, then fuck her. She shouldn’t be a talent agent if she can’t see clear talent right in front of her. Literally everyone in the same room knows you are so incredibly gifted. Plus, wouldn’t you like to try it out? It doesn’t hurt to try because you have nothing to lose. You’ll still be on Broadway; and then you’ll try again later if right now is not your time.” 

Smiling, she appreciated his words. She nodded, knowing he was completely right. “Okay, I’ll give it a shot.” Her response seemed to satisfy Harry. “Thank you.” 

“Of course. I’ll always be here for you.” She smiled. “Still gonna help me grade papers?” 

She chuckled as they started walking on the pavement again. “Yup. Believe it or not, it’s actually fun grading papers.” 

He turned to her shockingly. “Oh, really? Then maybe you could be my TA and I’ll have you grade all the papers.” Luci laughed, saying that she didn’t mind; she adored moments when they were playful. Their friendship was refreshing to the both of them. 

A week after her conversation with Harry, where he reassured and encouraged her, she called Samantha, who was delighted to hear from Luci. Samantha asked if she wanted to meet for lunch; Luci was hesitant, but she remembered Harry’s words, and it really didn’t hurt to try, so she agreed and they met in Midtown at a Thai restaurant. 

It was a casual luncheon where Samantha got to know Luci before she decided if she wanted to sign her or not. Luci completely rocked her socks; she was funny, kind, and very humble—traits that not a lot of stars had. So, Samantha immediately thought she was perfect and very likeable. After thirty minutes of eating and chatting, Samantha pulled out her business side, along with a contract, and discussed what this could mean for Luci. She went over her contract very quickly, and Luci knew she couldn’t keep up so she pretended to listen, nodding and letting out a ‘mhm’ to be interactive. 

Samantha had a pen ready for her to sign, but if Luci knew anything, it was to not sign contracts right then and there, and to go over the contract in further details on her own. So, Luci told her that she would look over the stack of papers once more before she got back to her potential agent. 

Luci wished she took a business class to understand such things about contracts and how to handle things herself, but she thinks that she might enroll in some classes some time soon. She attended Boston University and graduated with a Bachelor’s degree in Performing Arts in Theatre Arts. On top of auditioning, solo acts, musical pieces, and countless shows for the four years she was there, she maintained a 3.5 GPA in her general education, and that’s something she’s incredibly proud of herself for. There were a few classes during her freshman year that she failed, making her consider dropping out, but she picked herself back up and promised herself to work harder, and she did. 

When she got back home, she tossed the contract on her coffee table as she sighed, grabbing a glass of water. She had felt stressed out about the situation, but then she remembered that Harry’s sister, Gemma, was a lawyer in London. So, she sent Harry a quick text, telling him about her situation, and asked if Gemma was able to help out. Harry was on his lunch when she texted, but he quickly asked Gemma and she was quick to comply, anything to help her brother’s friend.

The day after, Harry and Luci both sat down on his couch, FaceTiming Gemma on his laptop; it was the very first time his sister and Luci were meeting each other. Harry warned Luci that Gemma was a bit tough with his new friends, but once the two women chatted for a few minutes, Gemma was smittened with her; Harry was shocked at how quick they seemed to become friends, but he cherished it because he liked Luci…a lot. 

Luci had sent over a scanned version of the contract, so they went over it together with Harry sitting next to her for moral support; and from what Gemma said, the contract was clean. The most important thing that Gemma was looking for was that Luci had a say to back out of the contract, and it stated that clearly. Gemma told her that she could sign the contract if she wanted, and that eased Luci’s anxieties, making her thank Gemma almost a million times for her help. 

The next day, Luci met up with Samantha for brunch with the signed contract in her hand. Samantha was delighted to see that it was inked with her signature; she told Luci that this won’t be the only thing she was going to sign because so many people are going to want her autograph. That made Luci smile, giggling a tad bit at the thought of it. 

By the beginning of October, Samantha called Luci and informed her that she was booked for an audition for a supporting character in Ocean’s Eight that was to be released late next year. Luci was surprised at how quickly Samantha was able to get her an audition, but they didn’t call her the best for nothing. 

With only two weeks to prepare, Luci put her time and effort into rehearsing the few pages of the script Samantha had sent her. Luci didn’t have a talent coach whatsoever, so she tried her best to see every aspect of her acting, jotting down notes on the margins so she could further better herself. She was hiding her stress and nerves quite well as she tried not to freak out about how insane this opportunity was to even audition. 

When her audition was only two days away, she called Ren for the traditional pep-talk that inspired and motivated her to do better and to try her best because that was all that she could do. She wished that her family was physically next to her so she could feel the comfort and warmth that they provide because after all, they are home and always will be. 

Luckily, some producers were in New York holding auditions, so she didn’t have to fly to California for a day or two. She’d never felt more intimidated and nervous than the moment she stepped inside the medium-sized room that was painted in a light gray tone. A long foldable table was in the middle of the room with a small camcorder on a tripod next to it. Luci’s had many auditions, but this…this was real shit, the real deal. She was standing in front of Hollywood and big name producers who’d never heard of her name until the moment she walked in and they had a glimpse of her portfolio. 

She introduced herself, masking the nerves that were crawling up and down her body with a warm smile—not too bright, but enough to show her gorgeous grin. They asked her to read off of page twenty-three to twenty-five; taking a breath, she gave all that she could. And in her opinion, it’s the best acting she’d ever done, which is saying a lot because she thinks she did quite well after every show of Miss Saigon. 

The producers’ faces were unreadable as they simply looked at one another, writing a few notes on their yellow notepads. Luci wanted to lurk, to see what they were writing as she hoped they weren’t disappointed or had immediately crossed out her name from their list. 

They thanked her for coming in before dismissing her; she thanked them as well, waving as she walked out the door where she released the biggest sigh. It wasn’t from relief because she was still on edge of the result of her audition, but she felt like she had been holding her breath for the ten to fifteen minutes that she was in that room. Her heart was pounding quite sturdily; and if she was being honest, her mind had completely blanked out once they yelled ‘action,’ but that was usual for her. 

Now that it was ten days after her audition and Halloween, Harry practically begged Luci to get out of her apartment. She knew that she couldn’t stay cooped up in her room as she overthought the audition constantly. She began to get headaches from overthinking every single thing she did in that audition, and it drove her insane. 

So, when Harry suggested that she should go to the Halloween party that Daisy was throwing on the rooftop of her building, she dreaded it at first, but the thought of going out was calling her. She assumed Daisy wouldn’t want Luci to be at her party, but she invited the entire cast and a few more people that she knew personally, so it wasn’t like Daisy was going to speak to her. Since it was a party, everyone could bring a guest or a few friends, so that was when Luci begged Harry to attend with her. 

“Please, come with me.” She had her best pouty lip on, looking at him with doe eyes. Just by that look, he almost gave in, but he wasn’t sure if this type of party was for him. Harry was a mellow and chill guy; he didn’t need rooftop parties and unlimited amounts of booze. He was fine with a small gathering, a few movies and board games—now, that was his type of party. “The party would be so much more fun with you there.” 

Harry playfully scoffed. “Please. Luci, I’m the most boring guy there is.” 

Her brows furrowed in disagreement. “No, you’re not. I happen to think you’re quite fun.” He smiled softly at her in appreciation. “Please. We wouldn’t even have to stay that long.” 

He could tell that she wanted, no, needed him to be there with her. She wasn’t very close with her cast mates—despite all the months she’d been part of the production—besides Nina. But Nina knew everyone so Luci would be left awkwardly standing there, waiting for her friend to come back. 

“How long would we stay?” 

Her eyes brightened with hope. “However long you want.” 

“An hour? Hour and a half, tops?” 

“Sounds perfectly fine to me.” 

“And what would we wear?”

Luci was a bit shocked by his question. “You wanna match?” 

“I mean, that would be fun, right?” She nodded, agreeing. “Since it is quite last minute, I say we dress up as the 70s or 80s era. Pretty easy, right?” 

She liked the sound of that. “Yes, let’s do 70s! I wanna raid your closet because I know you have some gems in there.” 

Harry laughed out loud—her favorite laugh that was music to her ears. He knew he had a great sense of fashion, and he’d always go to the thrift store to pick up something that he’d never worn before. It wasn’t like he was not going to wear it, he just needed to be more comfortable with himself to wear the clothes that he buys. So, for now, he settled with black skinny jeans and patterned-print button downs, which is the most ‘flashy’ he’d dress as…for now. 

“I knew I liked you for a reason because I was hoping you’d say 70s.” Luci felt her cheeks warm up before they went to Harry’s apartment. 

It took an hour and a half to find an outfit that Harry liked; it would’ve been shorter, but with Harry’s 70s playlist that was playing in the background, they took breaks to dance and sing. Harry had a beautiful voice, Luci thought; and she wondered if he was ever in a band before or wrote music because he does have an elaborate music taste, and that added to Luci’s liking for him. 

They proceeded to go to Luci’s apartment so Harry could help her find an outfit. He brought his wireless speaker so the music wouldn’t stop; and she continuously threw the articles of clothing onto her bed—where Harry was lying on his stomach—every time he shook his head no. 

With the same amount of time it took Harry to decide on an outfit, Luci settled on hers. She looked in her full-body mirror, twirling around to see if it looked okay and if she was satisfied with it. Harry remained on her bed, admiring how beautiful she looked as he thought that she was way out of his league. As Luci was dancing and prancing around her apartment, Harry was deep in his thoughts; he didn’t know if asking Luci out was the way to go. Not only would he lose her as a friend when or if she rejects him, but he couldn’t bear the ache he would feel in his heart. 

For his own sake, he needed to protect himself before the heartbreak; and if that meant refraining himself from making a move, then that was completely fine to him. 

“Ready?” Luci called out from the doorway. Harry got off the bed, looking her up and down. 

She was wearing peach colored pants that flare at the bottom, sitting high on her waist; a white silk blouse with orange accents, a long brown coat because it was quite chilly outside, and pink glasses that were transparent. He thought she looked absolutely beautiful, and her outfit was meant for her. The colors matched Harry’s outfit as he wore rust-orange pants that sat wide at the bottom, a flashy patterned long-sleeved blouse with the collar matching his pants. Luci gave him a similar pair of glasses as hers, so they weren’t wearing shaded lenses in the nighttime. 

“Yup. You, uh, look really good.” 

Luci smiled, shrugging one shoulder. “Thank you! You look good, too. This color looks amazing on you.” 

Harry looked down at his outfit, hiding the blush that formed on his cheeks. “Thank you. I like it a lot.” 

They headed out and towards Daisy’s apartment building where the rooftop was large enough for everyone to stand comfortably without feeling like they were shoulder-to-shoulder. There were plenty of lounge chairs, and a few tall bar tables next to tall heaters, considering it was just below fifty degrees. 

Some people were making their way towards Daisy's apartment since it was too cold outside, but Harry and Luci decided to stay, both agreeing that the heaters were keeping them warm as they sipped on their drinks. 

“Luci!” Nina walked over towards her, giving her a hug; Luci made sure not to mess up the placement of her fairy wings. 

“You look amazing!” Luci complimented as Nina put her hands on her cheeks, thanking her friend. Luci could tell that Nina was a bit drunk already as her eyes were drooping and she couldn’t stand straight on her own two feet. 

“Harry! I’m so glad you’re here.” He smiled saying hello to her. Nina and Harry met in July when he had gone to see another show. He was giving Luci another bouquet of flowers—the same bundle that he gave her the last time since she told him that she really liked them, and they looked amazing on her windowsill—and she dragged him to find Nina since she was performing the same show. Nina immediately gave Luci that certain look that said ‘he’s really cute,’ and Luci just nodded, giving her an apparent look as well. 

“Did you bring anyone?” Luci asked, knowing that she was talking to a few guys; her favorites, from what Nina told her, was Laurent and Alec—the two guys that are in her Soul Cycle class, one on Monday and the other on Friday. 

Nina shook her head. “No. I wanted to get fucked up today and didn’t want any of my mans see that shit. Oh! Can I take a picture of you two? You both look so cute!” 

Luci looked at Harry, silently asking and he nodded. She stood beside him, not knowing whether to put her arm around his waist. They’d never taken a picture together before, after all the months of knowing each other. Luci handed Nina her phone before she turned on the flash, taking a picture of the two. Harry hesitantly puts his arm around Luci’s shoulder, making her look at him, smiling. She then wrapped her arm around his waist as they both smiled at each other before looking back at the camera. Nina was squealing behind the phone because she just captured the cute and quiet interaction between them that made for a sweet candid. 

Nina handed Luci’s phone back to her before she told her that she was going to talk to some other people. The two women hugged, and Nina said goodbye to Harry. 

Harry leaned into Luci’s side, bending down slightly. “Send me those pictures, yeah?” 

A chill ran through her body at the sound of his voice so close to her ear. “Sure,” she croaked out, sending the pictures to him. 

After a few moments of light conversation and humming the beat of the music, Harry asked, “So, which one is Daisy?” 

Luci looked at him, quite shocked as to what sparked his interest in her, but she didn’t say anything. She looked around until she spotted her in a leather catwoman suit, hugging her body tightly that Luci thought it was cutting off her circulation. But she had to admit that it looked amazing on her. 

“That one.” She slyly pointed at Daisy who was talking to some of her friends. Luci was surprised to see that Samuel wasn’t here, considering that he was part of the cast. Daisy and Samuel seemed to be in their ‘off again’ stage of their relationship; and no one who was part of the cast or who was close to them could keep up with how many times they’d been through that stage, but they seemed to like each other too much to call it quits for good. 

“Hmm. She seems nice.” 

“Yeah, she does—to everyone except me.” They were both looking at Daisy, and it was like Daisy could sense a few eyes on her, so she looked around and made direct eye contact with Luci. She excused herself to her group of friends before making her way towards her and Harry. “Speak of the devil.” Luci sighed, making Harry chuckle. 

“Luci! I’m so glad you made it.” Daisy faked a smile as she greeted Luci with a hug, which surprised both Luci and Harry. Daisy pulled away, immediately locking eyes on this. “Oh, who’s your friend?” Instantly, Luci knew why Daisy was so nice to her; it was because she spotted Harry and didn’t want him to think she was such a bitch. 

With her brows furrowed, Luci shifted a little closer to Harry who was standing there and not saying anything. “This is Harry.” 

Daisy flashed him her stunning smile that wooed almost everyone. “Hi, I’m Daisy.” He shook her hand, introducing himself. “Your outfit looks really good.” She complimented him. 

“Thanks, Luci helped me pick it out.” He smiled at Luci, who was smirking. For a second, Daisy rolled her eyes before she returned to her big smile. 

“Would you like to get a drink with me? I see you’re almost empty.” Daisy’s eyes pointed at his cup, which only had a small sip lingering at the bottom of his clear plastic cup. 

“Uh-”

“C’mon, just one drink?” Her voice was innocent and sweet, nothing like the cruel and rude Daisy that Luci knew all too well. 

What Luci expected Harry to say was that he was okay and that he didn’t want a drink with her, but he responded quite the opposite. 

“Okay, sure.” Luci’s head averted towards Harry as she looked at him with shock and a face asking what the fuck he was doing. But he shrugged as Daisy clapped, grabbing his wrist and pulling him towards the bar. Luci huffed, watching the two walk away and she was left by herself with a watered down drink and the cold air. 

She figured she’d wait for him to come back to where she was sitting, hoping he wouldn’t take too long. 

But twenty minutes had gone by, and Luci started getting annoyed.  

Thirty minutes, and Luci tells herself that she doesn’t care and mindlessly goes on her phone. 

An hour had gone by when Luci huffed, mentally saying that she does give a shit and goes to find Harry. 

How long could one drink take anyways? Definitely not an hour, Luci thought. She searched the rooftop for the two, only to hope that Harry was looking for her too. After ten minutes of looking around the rooftop, passing her cast mates who were asking her to take a shot with them—she took another one, adding more alcohol into her body—she couldn’t find Harry. She started to think the worst; he could’ve possibly taken Daisy home, or Daisy could have taken him up to her room—either way, she didn’t like any of those options. 

For a minute, she mentally debated if she should check Daisy’s apartment, which would be better since it was warmer indoors than it was out—she was convinced it got colder once Harry left her side—but the negative side of her mind, who was taunting her like the devil on her left shoulder, told her to check if Harry was inside because she wasn’t going to like what she was going to see. 

Either way, she needed to find Harry and she didn’t want to go home without him, so she went inside the building and took the elevator down to Daisy’s floor. There were people walking in and out of her place, so it wasn’t that difficult to find which one was hers. With the same amount of people inside her apartment as there was on the rooftop, Luci made her way through the nice and luxurious apartment. She was just on the edge of tipsy; the drinks with her coworkers had gotten her there. Heading up the stairs, she passed by people who were making out, cuddling on the steps, and talking. 

Once she got to the end of the hallway, she had almost given up on her search for Harry until the door at the end of the hall opened, revealing Harry who was leaving and quietly closing the door. 

Luci stood in the middle with an expressionless face. He hadn’t seen her yet, but the way she wasn’t giving any emotion didn’t mean that she didn’t care; the thoughts in her mind were invading every inch that there was just too much to focus on. 

Harry turned around, stopping in his tracks once he faced her. 

“Hey,” he greeted softly. 

“Hi.” 

“I’m sorry for leaving-”

“Were you…” Luci referred to what was happening inside the room as she couldn’t finish her sentence because the thought and the words simply disgusted her. 

“N-No.”

“Why do you seem unsure?” She was testing him; she heard the hesitancy in his voice, like he wasn’t sure if he wanted to tell the truth. 

A new attitude rose him. “Why do you care?” His voice was a tad bit harsher, but he was a little confused on why she was questioning his actions. 

She inhaled and exhaled deeply, crossing her arms, avoiding his question. “I’m going home. Are you coming with or…?” Harry bit the inside of his cheek, remembering that she hadn’t answered his question, so he’ll ask again later. He nodded, and Luci turned around; he followed. 

The entire ride on the subway and walking towards their apartment building was quiet. They didn’t even sit next to each other like they always did; just across one another, avoiding eye contact.

It was when they were both in front and unlocking their doors was when Harry spoke up. 

“Luci.” She stopped her movements, turning around slowly as did he. This time, she looked at him so deeply in the eyes that it was physically difficult for her to take her eyes off him. “Why were you mad at me before we left?” 

On the ride back home, Harry thought about the events at the party. He’d never seen Luci so annoyed at him before, so it got him thinking a lot about what she felt for him. She was jealous, anyone could see that, and he wanted her to say it out loud why she was jealous because he could name a few reasons. 

“Did you have a good time with Daisy?” 

Harry breathed out a chuckle. “You’re jealous,” he stated immediately. 

“Answer my question-”

“Then answer mine.” 

The tension was so thick that with just one small poke of a needle, it would collapse and break. They’d never had this type of conversation before, where the tension was rising and the room felt warm; they were always playful and laughing with each other that neither of them thought they were capable of having this certain type of energy with one another. 

“I was mad because you left me alone at the party…with Daisy of all people,” she said honestly, leaving a few things out. 

“Is that all?” He raised his brows, crossing his arms. 

Luci shook her head. “That’s not how it works, Styles. I answer yours, you answer mine.” 

A smug grin landed on Harry’s face. “Did I have a good time with Daisy?” He repeated her question. “To be honest with you, no. She was pretty drunk, so I took her to her bedroom—that’s why I was in there, She was…nice.” Luci sensed a ‘but’ trailing. “She even asked me if I’d wanna go out some time.”

“What’d you say?” 

He tsked. “Not how it works, Suki.” Luci rolled her eyes, letting out a soft huff. “Hey, they’re your rules.” He chuckled. “Now, answer this: why were you jealous?” 

There was a surge of confidence that Harry’s never felt before; maybe it was because he knew things Luci didn’t know herself, but watching her unfold those realizations was definitely feeding his ego. 

Luci sighed deeply before she started. “Knowing that Daisy could possibly get anyone she wanted was a bit of an insecurity of mine when we were on our way to the party. That was because I knew she’d want you. I mean…look at you, you’re literally so gorgeous.” Harry blushed. “And I knew that it was inevitable that she would ask you to hang out; I was just surprised when you said yes.” 

He nodded. “I rejected her when she asked if I wanted to go out.” A bit of weight lifted from Luci’s shoulders, but not completely as there was still something heavy she’s been wanting to say. “Why’d you hope I’d say no? Besides the obvious that she’s mean and rude to you.” 

Alright, time to fess up, Luci. 

Luci inhaled deeply, hoping her confession wouldn’t have him running for the hills. “Because why would you go out with her when you could go out with me? Like, on a date…” Her anxiety was up to her chin as she locked her hands behind her back, preventing them from shaking any more than they already were. 

That one simple question had answered all of the other questions swirling in his mind; not the ones that were asked in the rapid fire round of questioning and answering under the thick cloud of tension over them, but the ones he asked himself a few months ago when he was doubting that she’d ever felt something for him because all this time, she had felt something, and she just asked him out. 

His heart flipped. “You wanna go on a date with me?” 

“Yeah, I’ve been wanting to ask, but I didn’t know if you were interested in me or not,” she said shyly. Luci hadn’t asked someone out before—someone she was really interested in. She’d either wait until they asked her and if they didn’t, she’d move on and pretend that her feelings for them never existed. But Harry was different; seeing him with Daisy tonight had made her realize just how much she felt for him. He made her laugh, smile, and he was such a kind person. 

“I’d love to.” He suddenly answered, taking her back a little. 

She looked at him with wide eyes. “R-Really?” 

“Yeah. I’ve been meaning to ask you too, because I’m very much interested in you, but I didn’t know you were interested, well, until tonight.” Luci giggled. 

“I made it pretty obvious that I was jealous, huh?” 

“A tad bit, but it’s sweet; and I wasn’t gonna go on a date with Daisy. She’s no Luciana Ivy Suki.” He teased, making her face heat up at the sound of her full name coming from his lips. She wanted to kiss him right then and then, wanted to taste the sweet taste that he was storing in his mouth; but she refrained from doing so, figuring that they’d wait until after their date—whenever that was—to wait to kiss him because it would very much be worth the wait. 

“Okay, I’ll, uh, plan the date then.” Her lips turned up, feeling a certain ache on her cheeks already from smiling too much. 

“Can I plan it too?” He genuinely asked. 

“I did ask you, Harry.” She raised her brows teasingly. 

“Alright, alright. I’ll plan the next date then.” He blushed. 

Luci tilted her head, smiling sweetly at his words. “The next date, huh? We haven’t even been on the first date; what makes you think there’ll be a second one.” 

“Oh, love, I think there will be.” Harry stepped closer to her, heart pounding in his chest; Luci gulped at the closeness. For a moment, she thought he was going to kiss her by the way he was looking at her intently. And for a moment, she was gonna give in and say ‘fuck waiting,’ and kiss his pink lips until he leaned forward and kissed her soft cheek for a brief moment. “Can’t wait for our date. Let me know what the plans are.” 

“O-Okay.” The touch of his lips on her skin had stunned her, and she wanted them back on her instantly. 

Harry opened his door, giving Luci a small smile before walking in. She started to slowly back into her open apartment, holding onto the door handle tightly. Before they closed their doors, they stared at one another, admiring each other before they said: 

“Sweet dreams, Luciana.” 

“Sweet dreams, Harry.” 

November 8, 2017 

Harry strongly knocked three times on the door right across from his own door with a bag full of takeout, another bag full of snacks, and a small brown bag that had a white box inside. 

The door swung open; Luci smiled at the person behind it. 

“Happy Birthday, love!” Harry greeted.

“Aww, Harry, thank you so much.” She was surprised that he remembered, let alone bring a celebration to her as she eyed the bags in his hands. Luci turned twenty-six today; her day was full of greetings from her cast mates, her family, and FaceTime calls from her brother and parents. She was going to make a trip back home for a day or two since she had to perform on Friday, but she was going to see her parents during Thanksgiving, so FaceTime calls had to suffice till then. 

Stepping to the side, she invited him in. He hugged her tightly, kissing the side of her head as her face heated up. They walked to the kitchen, and Harry set the bags on the countertop, unraveling the tie of the takeout. 

“First, I’m sorry for just showing up unannounced and invading your place.” He added a breathy laugh. 

“No, it’s okay! You’re welcomed any time,” she genuinely said; Harry made a mental note of that. 

“Second, this is not a date. I know you didn’t want today to be our first date, but I couldn’t just sit in my apartment and not do anything on your special day! So, here I am.” 

“Here you are.” Luci couldn’t help the warmth that rushed to her face and neck. 

“Third, I brought Chinese since it’s your favorite food. And I just so happen to know a lovely place that has the best Chinese in Brooklyn, which is my favorite place that I’ll take you to soon, but know that you’re so incredibly special because I never take anyone there.” He took the takeaway boxes out of the bag, opening them up as steam released from the boxes. 

Luci leaned against the countertop. “And what makes me so special?” Teasingly fluttering her eyes. 

Harry stopped what he was doing, looking at her intently. “You’re so sweet, funny, and incredibly kind. But most importantly, you’re grounded and humble; and you’re special to me.” His dimpled poked through his skin as he smiled, meaning every word. 

Heart flipping, stomach in knots, and tears washing over her eyes, Luci walked around the counter to hug him, head resting against his chest as she whispered a ‘thank you’ in his ear. 

For the rest of their night, they ate the authentic Chinese food while Harry told her about the restaurant he got it from, including the workers who owned the place. They also talked about work, teased, flirted, and bantered about whether fruit belonged in salads—they do not. 

Harry gave her the brown paper bag that held her gift, and she opened it with shock. He gifted her a gold circle pin that was customized with her initials engraved in the middle, and the saying ‘Shine bright, Dream even bigger,’ separated at the top and bottom. He’d noticed that she had pins on her travel backpack, and would occasionally wear one on the side of her baseball cap. It was the most thoughtful and attentive gift she’d ever received, and that earned Harry a tight hug and many thank you’s. 

After the night was coming close to eleven-thirty, Harry called it a night as he still had to wake up early tomorrow for work. Their goodbye at her door was a long one that was filled with tight and long hugs as they swayed for a moment, enjoying the warmth of each other. They promised each other that they would find a day that was open in their schedule so they could finally have their date; they even pinky swore on it—Harry kissed her pinky, vowing. 

Luci watched Harry open his door before walking inside his apartment; she blew him a kiss as he caught it, placing his palm on his cheek, making her smile. 

As they closed their doors, Luci couldn’t help but think that she just had the best birthday ever. 

November 17, 2017 

Luci’s leg nervously shook as she waited for her digital clock to hit 2:30 p.m. 

Today was Luci and Harry’s first date, and will hopefully be written down in history. She’d been anticipating this day for a while now, and she couldn’t believe the day was finally here. The few days after she asked him out, they tried settling on a date, but the two weeks after Halloween were booked for them. 

Luci was performing most days out of the week and Harry needed to figure out his teaching plans since it was close to Thanksgiving break and winter break. But when Harry found out that he had a random Friday off, he immediately told her, and to their luck, Luci wasn’t performing that day. So, they were settled on a day, and Luci couldn’t wait to take him out. 

She told him that he was going to need to dress warm since they were going to be outside for most of the day, so he opted for light blue jeans that were a bit baggy, a white t-shirt, a black coat that had faux fur on the thick collar and cuffs; since he, assumingly, was going to be walking around a lot, he wore black old school vans. Harry looked in the mirror, ruffling his hair in his hands to get it to stick the way he wanted it to. His hands slightly shook as he was fixing his hair, and he realized he hadn’t felt this nervous in a while; it had been a while since he’d gone on a date with someone he truly liked. 

When it hit two-thirty, Harry opened his door and locked it before taking a step forward. He took a breath, shaking his nerves off; as he was just about to knock, he heard Luci shuffling around inside her apartment as her keys jingled in her hands and her boots thudded against the wood. He put his hand down, thinking it would be nice for her to just see him right when she opened the door. After a few moments, Luci felt like she had everything she needed, so she swung her door open to only find Harry standing right in front of it, hiding behind a familiar bouquet of flowers—her favorite ones from him. 

“Hello.” He smiled, dimples clearly present. Luci felt like she could cry on the spot from just being so overwhelmed with her nerves and the anticipation leading up to this day, this moment. “These are for you. Hope you never get tired of them.” Harry handed her the bouquet, and she hugged them to her chest. 

“Harry, thank you. Believe me, I would never.” The start of her cheek aches had begun, and it had been about thirty seconds into their date. But cheek aches with Harry were her favorite type of aches, so she didn’t really mind it. 

She went back inside her apartment as Harry followed her in; she put the flowers in a vase before fixing them a little, making sure none of them were drooping down on the edge of the glass vase. Placing them on her windowsill, where she usually puts the flowers Harry gifted her, she smiled gratefully at them before turning her head and smiling at Harry, extra grateful. 

“Shall we go?” He asked, and she nodded. 

Harry followed Luci down to the subway station as she got on the M train. In eleven minutes, there were four stops; the subway was quite packed with no available seats, so the two stood, holding onto the silver bar in between them with their bodies close in proximity as they stood. Harry took the chance to look down at her, simply admiring her beauty as she mindlessly looked around, not noticing his eyes lingering on her. 

When their stop was on Essex Street, they got off, transferring onto the F train towards Coney Island; and Harry suddenly knew exactly where they were going. He didn’t say anything but smile. The entirety of the ride took forty-two minutes with twenty-two stops; they were able to sit down next to each other after the first stop. 

Their bodies were close—thigh to thigh, shoulder to shoulder. Luci took out her wired earphones—figuring they were going to be there for a while, why not listen to some music—handing Harry the left one as she put the right one in. She played Fleetwood Mac, Tame Impala, ABBA, Lorde, and Hozier—a few artists they’d bonded over—as they both swayed in their seats, making up some dance routine with their arms and shoulders. They laughed and ignored the weird looks of bystanders, who were trying to have a peaceful train ride to their destination, but Luci and Harry were too focused on each other to care. 

Once it was their stop, Luci put her headphones and phone in her purse before they got off and walked side by side one another. Harry had the urge to pull her close to his side, to hold her soft hand, but he was too shy to make a move. When they walked up the stairs to exit the station, their fingers brushed together—practically bumping into one another. Luci confidently made the move and linked their fingers together; Harry looked down and back up at her as he blushed, squeezing her hand lightly. 

“Is this okay?” She asked, looking up at him. 

“It’s perfect.” He meant it; the way her small hands fit so perfectly into his, as if he was protecting them. Holding her hand was comforting, and it surprised him at how comfortable he was to be making physical contact with her; but ever since he met Luci, he’s surprised himself quite a few times already. 

They finally reached their first date hotspot, and Harry assumed right as to where she was taking him. 

Three wide entryways painted in navy blue and orange had ‘Luna Park’ painted in orange at the top. Above the entryways were large flower-like and crescent moons that lit up during the nighttime, giving the boardwalk the most illuminating glow. The large Ferris wheel could not be missed as the carts swung and rattled back and forth. On top of the excitement of the amusement park, there were screams from people who were on the roller coasters, and the smell of fair food that they couldn’t wait to devour. 

Luci paid for their entrance admission, and Harry frowned, wanting to pay, but they both agreed that they could go half on the food, and games and rides. 

They felt like little kids who were at Disneyland, minus the famous castle and Main Street music, as they walked around the park to check it out as the wood beneath them creaked with every step while they hadn’t let go of each other’s hands. 

“Everything looks really fun,” Harry exclaimed.

“Right! Do you wanna play some games first or ride on some rides?” 

“How about we get the rides out of the way? You look very excited to go on them, and I have a feeling there’s no way you’re not going on them without me.” Harry assumed, quite accurately. 

Luci put her hand on her heart teasingly. “You know me too well.” Harry chuckled. “Okay, let’s go on some rides!” She dragged him to the admissions booth, and Harry paid for both of their passes for rides. 

They waited in line for the ‘Cyclone,’ which was the biggest rollercoaster besides the Wonder Wheel. Luci sensed Harry’s nerves as he kept looking up at the ride, and he couldn’t keep still. 

She squeezed his hand tightly. “Harry, you don’t have to go on the ride with me.” She was starting to feel concerned for him because his hands were becoming damp, which she didn’t care for, and he kept bouncing his leg everytime the line stopped moving. 

He raised his brows, and brushed away his nerves to the side but not very far. “No, no. It’s okay—I’ll be okay.” 

“Are you sure?” 

Pressing a kiss to the back of her hand, he nodded. “I’m sure. We’re here to have some fun, not be nervous, right?” 

“Yeah. But I’ll admit, I was nervous before we left,” she said, hoping to change the subject to distract him from the fast ride above them. 

“Why’s that?” He curled his lips into his mouth. 

“This is our first date, I want it to go well,” she said honestly. It had been a while since she’d been on a real date—the last one being in college—but to be nervous for a date was a feeling she wasn’t familiar with. 

“Think it’s going quite well, don’t you think?” He gave her a toothless grin, brows raised. Luci nodded, happy that he was always reassuring her and making her feel comfortable. “Plus, I was nervous too—still am, if I’m being honest.” 

“Yeah?” 

He nodded his head as if his nerves were the most obvious thing. “Oh, yeah. I want this to go well too. But by the way we’ve been friends for months before this happened, I think we’ll be okay, Ci.” Her eyes slightly widened at the new nickname that she’d never heard; Harry instantly noticed her shock. “I-Is it okay if I call you that?” To be honest, he’s always wanted to call her some unique nickname that would only be for him. ‘Luci’ seemed to be the name everyone called her, ‘Ana’ was her brother’s name for her, so the last syllable in her name seemed to be free. 

“No one’s ever called me that.” And she thinks that’s extra special. “But yes, please call me that.” She approved, and he smiled. 

It was their turn to get onto the Cyclone, and Harry suddenly didn’t feel so nervous anymore as they were being safely strapped into their rollercoaster cart. The ride was quite high, looking over the blue water and Coney Island Beach; the view was quite gorgeous, even in the middle of a cold November day in New York. 

They screamed as the ride dropped; Luci held up one of her arms as the other held tightly on Harry’s hand as he grasped the metal bar, afraid to bravely put his arm up like his beautiful date. 

When the ride was finished, they had a rush of exhilaration, wanting to go on the other rides. So, they did; they laughed, screamed, and were the most carefree people they’d ever been in their entire lives because they brought it out of each other. 

After they filled their rollercoaster crave, they ate and talked. Individually, they were both worried about this part of the date where they had to talk because they’d been hanging out for so many months and getting to know each other that they thought coming up with conversation topics were going to be difficult. But it was natural for them; they didn’t put any pressure on themselves to speak every single minute of the date. Instead, they relished in the comfortable silence they seemed to form, not minding it one bit. 

The sky had turned into a cotton candy pink from a bright blue quite quickly. Luci wanted to watch the sunset, but was a bit sad that they hadn’t played the majority of the games; but Harry told her it was okay, and they would come back another time when the park reopened again during the Spring. 

Hand in hand, they walked to the beach that was just across the street from Luna Park. The bright lights from the park were becoming distant as they continued to walk further away from it. Since it was mid November, there weren’t that many people out because of the cold temperature—just the few people who were passing by along with others who decided to watch the sunset as well. 

“Tell me about your last relationship?” Luci suddenly asked; Harry looked at her amusingly. 

“Like now? In the middle of our date?” He teased, making her laugh. 

“I mean, if you want to. I was just curious.” 

Harry thought for a moment. “Hmm. My last serious relationship was over a year ago. We broke up right before I started teaching at the middle school.” 

“What happened?” She asked softly, not wanting to pry, but she was also curious. 

“We weren’t good for each other anymore. I guess life happened, and we turned into people we weren’t proud of. We grew apart; she was more in love with her career than she was in love with me. Couldn’t say I was the best boyfriend either,” he explained, not getting into too much detail. But he’d neglected her without even realizing it, causing his ex to occupy herself with work. “So, we broke up. And it felt like it was a sign from the universe that was holding me back from venturing out because I immediately got a job at the school when I had been putting off finding a proper teaching job.” He breathed out a chuckle, remembering the memory.

He’ll admit, his last relationship had hurt him quite a lot. He’d never felt such pain before, and it had made him quiet and reserved. But how it ended made him not seek out to find a relationship. For a while, he didn’t like the idea of love because it had only hurt you. But then he met Luci, and at first, he was hesitant to even be her friend because just at first glance, he was ruined, and he didn’t want to go through that process again; but here they are now. And maybe, he’ll tell her this, but for now, he doesn’t want to scare her off. 

“Do you still talk to her?” 

“Nope. Last I heard of her, she was engaged to this woman she met a few weeks after our breakup, but I have no clue if they’re still together.” He shrugged his shoulders. “What about you?” 

“My last relationship?” Harry nodded. “To be honest, I’ve never been in a serious one…like ever.” 

He raised his brows in shock. “Really?” 

“Yeah. The furthest I’ve gone that was close to a relationship was a friends-with-benefits towards the end of college, which didn’t end well.” Harry sensed her mood change a bit, so he didn’t pry on asking what happened in the past. The bad memories had filled her mind, making her frown, but she pushed those thoughts away, not wanting to think about them at the moment because the timing is unbelievable. “That’s that; I don't have any exciting or tea-spilling relationship stories.” 

For a moment, she didn’t want to jinx her luck, but she imagined what it would be like to be in a relationship with Harry—despite it only being their first date. Her mind took her to a fantasy that was so special and sweet because that was how she pictured what it would be like to be with him. 

They sat in silence as the sound of the waves crashing and the seagulls above them took over their hearing. It was nice and refreshing to sit side by side, taking in the beautiful scenery that the world provided. Sunsets had always made Luci feel a vast amount of gratitude towards the world and the people around her; the opportunities, the things that she got to see—they all wouldn’t have happened if the sun didn't go down, promising a new tomorrow. 

Suddenly, Harry stood up, brushing the sand that had gotten on his jeans. He reached out to Luci, who was still sitting down and looking up at him. 

“C’mon. Let’s walk,” he suggested. She grabbed his hand as he helped her up, and she patted away the soft sand that had stuck to her black jeans. 

They held hands as they walked the shore of Coney Island Beach, walking towards where the sun was departing from the world. Once the sky had turned into a purple and orange blended masterpiece, Harry stopped walking, facing Luci as he took a deep breath. 

“I’m trying…really hard to hold back.” He held her cold hands in his, lightly pushing and pulling her towards him. He’d been thinking about it for the entirety of their date, and he just wanted to pull her in and kiss her whenever.

Luci shook her head softly as she stopped swaying; her eyes flickered towards his mouth, glad she wasn’t the only one thinking the same thing. She dreamed of this—had been wanting to press her lips against his for quite some time 

“Don’t hold back. Please, don’t hold back.” Her tone and eyes were pleading for him to not refrain himself from the most magical feeling. Luci let go of his hands, wrapping them around his waist as if she was giving him permission to kiss her. 

He placed his hands on her shoulders, gently rubbing down to her elbows before he trailed them back up and to the sides of her neck and jaw. Placing a soft kiss to her forehead before placing his on Luci’s, he inhaled deeply, taking in the saltiness of the ocean next to them and the sweetness of her skin. 

Luci fluttered her eyes closed, and Harry took that opportunity to connect his lips with hers. They molded their lips together as if it were one, tasting one another for the first time. The feeling of their passionate kiss felt like the ocean had synchronized together, forming the most beautiful and largest wave for the most dedicated surfer; and when it crashed, it was powerful, breathtaking, and strong—like no other wave could top this one, no one could top this one of a kind kiss. 

Harry smiled into the kiss, making Luci smile and giggle as well. Her stomach fluttered, hugging him tighter to her as his thumbs gently caressed her soft skin. Nothing could top this feeling. 

Pulling back, Harry breathed out a giddy chuckle before placing a few more pecks on her lips as if he was dreaming the first time. Luci opened her eyes as did he; she looked into his and found an immense amount of adoration within him. 

“I like you…a lot.” 

She leaned her forehead against his chest, cheekily smiling and restricting herself from squealing before she looked back up at him. “I like you too, Harry.” 

Harry flashed her his smile, something that he couldn’t wipe off his face, not like he tried. Nowadays, he was smiling a lot more, and he was one hundred percent sure Luci was the cause of it. 

Kissing her forehead, Harry hugged her to his chest as they watched the sun go down. With her face pressed against his chest, she heard the erratic heartbeat that was pounded heavily; and in that moment, she knew exactly how that felt—to feel so much for one person that your heart could fall out—and she only hoped he could feel hers because it was pounding just the same. 

As they held each other tightly, they both knew that this was going to be something special. 

And they were all in for the ride.

an exciting chapter! come talk to me about your thoughts, feelings, favorite moments and scenes! thank you for reading <3 next chapter will be up next saturday!

#harry styles fanfiction #harry styles au #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles x oc #harry styles smut #harry styles series #harry styles writing #harry styles ff #harry styles fanfic #boyfriend!harry #actress!oc #harry styles #hs au

[thewhizzyhead]

Hey, your misfits musical thing sounded super super interesting! Any other details about it that you're willing to share? Minor plot points? Gay Relationship stuff? :0

oh boy this is gonna be long *cracks knuckles* here we go

SO FUN BACKSTORY BEFORE I GET TO THE PLOT PARTS TJXJJS: my sunday school has a tradition of um holding productions of christmas musicals every december. My teachers would find american christian christmas kiddy musicals productions on youtube and then basically um translate all the dialogue to Filipino (the songs stay in English) and have us um reenact the whole thing and ngl it was a lot of fun! I even acted as some of the main roles there when I was like 10-13 so um I can kinda say that I have some experience with musical theatre YAYYY (jk jk that doesn't really count djsff).

When I was around 12-13 years old, I became obsessed with A Very Potter Musical and wondered what it would be like to make AVPM but Christmas so that my church could perform it (very silly idea but shh i was 12 and I was obsessed) and then over time a plot that Was Definitely Not Harry Potter started to form and them um here we are fjsjd so thank you Starkid for making me go down this hellhole

Oki backstory over, now here comes the very long part:

(Also um warning this musical concept involves a lot of religion talk since majority of the thingy is me criticizing a lot of the hypocrisies in religious institutions here based on my experience so um yea proceed with caution if ur sensitive to religion-related stuff)

p.s. ari i am so so sorry but this is so fucking long and definitely more than what you asked for so um yea goodluck fjxjsjf

SO BASICALLY Misfits is about 5 "narrators" - these guys serve as the "floor directors" of the show and um yea they make sure that the plot actuall happens and everything goes exactly according to the script given by the church higher ups or "producers" - who have to bring 3 teens branded by their church as "Misfits" back to Bethlehem 1 CE in order to "teach them a lesson about God" aka convert them to Christianity thus removing the "Misfits" branding. (Also they can only go back once they successfully arrive at the manger because um that's how the producers want it to be tjxjs)

I have to emphasize that although this tackles a lot of stuff related to Christianity and religion as a whole, this really isn't a Christian Musical and that this very morally questionable mission (through the power of Stage Magic and Super Powers, the Narrators essentially bring the Misfits back to the past against their will for the sake of completing their mission) goes horribly, horribly wrong very very quickly.

Throughout the course of the musical, the 5 Narrators struggle to stick to the given script and get their mission done as the 3 Misfits prove to not only be very freaking stubborn but also quite insightful as well as they bring up really good points in regards to religious hypocrisies and socially questionable, prejudiced and backward views commonly held by most religious institutions here i.e gender roles, homophobia, the demonization of science and technology at times, elitism and classism, etc etc (i can only speak in behalf of the Philippines so um yea Philippines). Overall, this is kinda a case study on as to how religion can influence and shape people's mindsets for either the better or the worse and how it is often used by the authorities to simultaneously give hope to the people (especially those of the poorer sectors wherein because of how hopeless the present seems here because a very flawed system kept in place by the exploitative privilged here, they choose to just trust in God instead and also hope that the afterlife is much much better than this shit) while also keeping them in line and like preventing them from rioting. (Church and politics undeniably go hand in hand here even though we have legislations enforcing the separation of the church and state and um yEA THIS WHOLE THING HAS BEEN VERY PROMINENT THROUGHOUT PHILIPPINE HISTORY AND WE CAN ALL THANK THE SPANIARDS but um anyways that'll be a rant for another day)

On a more personal and emotional aspect, this thingy also tackles a lot of stuff I find rather common among kids my age, especially those who had a very Christian upbringing (aka 99.9% of the philippine population tjxbdbf). There's a lot of questioning involved in regards to one's faith, sexuality, perspective and purpose in life and all that fun stuff and how oftentimes said questioning is discouraged due to the church (and ph society overall) wanting us to just like um sTICK TO THE STATUS QUOoOoO and just comply with what is seen as appropriate and godly cause anything out of the ordinary is ngl treated like it's heresy. (YES THERE WILL BE A LOT OF SELF PROJECTION HERE)

One final and important thing to note is that the show is essentially a musical-inside-a-musical in a way fjsjf I originally designed this thing to be like um produce-able on my church's stage (because they were supposed to help me produce the first version of misfits which um yea that's def not gonna happen now tjxjdv) which um kinda looks like the OG Spring Awakening Stage (and yes Misfits is very much inspired by Spring Awakening God I love that show) which is why the show is kinda stylized like a concert with handheld mics and all wherein um the 5 narrators are aware that they are putting on a show to the point of even directly addressing the audience a lot while the 3 Misfits (except for 1 which i'll get to in a bit) aren't aware that they are in a show. The three do eventually find that out and that's when all hell breaks loose to the point that the "producers" (represented by Hades-ish voices) have to intervene by literally changing and manipulating the show's setting and plot to make sure that their script gets followed and that's when the characters really try to break the show to get out of it bUT THE POINT I WANNA MAKE HERE IS THXJD keeping in mind that I had initially planned for Misfits to be produced by my church prior to the many drastic changes, the show the narrators were putting on (aka the musical-inside-the-musical) was made with the intention to pander to a Very Religious Audience. Successfully convincing people to convert to Christianity, especially those of the youth, is what many religious audiences want to see and that is exactly what the "producers" have written for the 5 "narrators and floor directors" to enact. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a Christian and preaching the Gospel and bringing in new believers isn't essentially a bad thing; if they want to believe in the religion then woo good for them! But, such preaching becomes detrimental when you take away one's agency and basically force them into Christianity by means of guilt tripping and manipulation which is sadly very much a reality here (again, a rant for another day) and a representation of such is shown here in the show where um the 3 Misfits were basically forced into this show that 5 Narrators are putting on and, through the influence of the 5 Narrators, the 3 Misfits have to decide to become "good Christian youths" for the show to conclude because that's show the "producers" have written. So when the 3 Misfits stubborness goes to the point that even the 5 Narrators start questioning the morals of their mission, that's when the show starts to go off-script and that's when the production starts to like umm "break" and whenever that happens, the "producers" start speaking to the Narrators, reminding them that they have an audience that they need to please and a message that they need to convey.

So while the Misfits (2 of them, at least, cause um the third one has um yea i'll get to him in a bit) mainly focus on figuring out what in the everliving fuck is going on (while also dealing with their um unfortunate circumstances, childhood trauma, a shit ton of guilt and the concept of salvation and self-forgiveness), the Narrators are tasked with the burden of carrying the show and making sure that the audience finds it appealing while trying to convince themselves that what the church wants them to do is "right" and what the Misfits keep telling them is "wrong" ala um Holier-Than-Thou mindset. Once they eventually start becoming more willing to see the true nature of both the Misfits and the Producers despite the fear of disappointing everyone who's watching, that's when the Narrators and Misfits all start breaking the show by going off-script and completely destroying the plot and production that the Producers have made for the audience - thus making a statement of refusing to comply with a flawed system for the sake of audience approval while also making the first step to fixing that system for the good of all.

Also fun fact: Although it'll make my job a lot harder because I am more fluent in English than in Filipino, i wanna write the thingy in both English and Filipino fjxjdf the dialogue can be Taglish but um the songs that are "part of the script" aka what the Producers want the characters to sing are in English while the songs that aren't part of the script are in Filipino; songs that are both in Filipino and in English are um i guess indicative of the struggle to follow the script while also trying to do what you believe is right (an example of a song with that style is Interpretasyon - which means Interpretation and um Ezekiel (one of the Misfits) sings in Filipino while Joshua (leader of the narrators) sings in English and um just imagine Wallflower cuz IT IS VERY MUCH LIKE WALLFLOWER GJDJNF) and um yea i kinda imagine it to be some sort of rock-pop musical concert thingy so um woo thank you pma for once again influencing my work

SO ANYWAYS UM THAT WAS LONG SO LET'S GO TO THE GAY SHIT

Okay so far 4/8 of the characters here have queerness directly related to their individual plotlines here but um yea honestly i'm tempted to make all of them queer CAUSE IT'S FUN oki so um anyways on to the character dynamics (I won't be able to include more in depth descriptions because im hungry and GOD THIS IS LONG so um yea)

June & Anna (Narrator 2) - oki so June here is one of the Misfits and she's from the poorer sectors (i'm still working on her backstory to make it more believable but um yea) and she isn't able to go to school due to having to prioritize providing for her family first. Due to a very unfortunate childhood event (one that involves Zack, another Misfit), she had to grow up fast and now appears to have a rather jaded view of the world. Anna, one of the Narrators, is the very opposite of that - she's privileged and wealthy-as-fuck and seems to be very optimisitc and friendly. However, ever since she has been blackmailed by her own churchmates for merely questioning her sexuality (true story), she became a more reserved and emotionally closed person despite her very friendly and cheerful demeanor. So when she finds out that June's music carries a lot of beautiful insight and hope in spite of her unfortunate circumstances (the two girls bond over music btw that's how Anna got June to trust in her), she becomes confused because how can June, a girl who has nothing, not even faith, still have hope that she'll be able to find some semblance of happiness while Anna, who has everything, has such a downtrodded view of the world? So um basically their dynamic will also consist of Anna checking her privilege, June explaining how good people turn against the world when the world turns against them (YES A LOT OF TALK ABOUT POVERTY AND HOW THAT IS A RESULT OF CAPITALISTIC EXPLOITATION) (yes June will talk about that a lot), and um what it means to hope with or without faith and what it means to trust another and oneself again. Oh and also lots of philosophy talk and emotional expression through music wie

Zack and Mikael (Narrator 3) - Zack, another Misfit, is a childhood friend of June and a younger stepbrother of Ezekiel (the third Misfit). After Zack and June lost contact after the 'unfortunate childhood event' (i am not sure on what exactly it'll be but in the earlier drafts a fire burned both of their homes and killed both of their dads and rn I have a song concept describing that called "Umaapoy" which means "Burns" but i dunno i'm still working on it), he became best friends with Mikael and um yea said best-friendship was Definitely Not Platonic. After a picture of them kissing was sent to not only the school principal but to basically everyone in the school, both of their parents were called to the principal's office which led to both of the boys moving to different schools to um mitigate the damage i guess gjdjd while Zack's mom eventually learned to accept her son's sexuality, Mikael um wasn't so lucky - I'd say he went through um a lot of religious intervention almost akin to conversion therapy which then um yea has caused him a lot of internalized homophobia and um yea Mikael and Zack haven't been able to talk or even chat in about 3-4 years so imagine Mikael's surprise when he found out that his mission involved Zack - who does not and cannot recognize Mikael because welp not part of the script. Zack, a bit braver now, takes a liking to Mikael and wants to at least be friends with him partly because he somehow finds him really familiar while um Mikael tries to maintain a strictly professional demeanor out of fear that Zack will recognize him and out of fear that he'll fall in love with Zack again. Their dynamic will also include um learning to trust one another and oneself again (like June & Anna's dynamic), to learn how to be brave and be sure in one's beliefs (Mikael um doesn't really speak up that much out of fear while Zack is not only outspoken, but is also an activist - this is another one of the many reasons why Zack is branded as a "Misfit" aside from the fact that he's gay and um yea Ezekiel spends almost 2 minutes berating Joshua for this out of pure anger and disgust), and what it means to reconnect with the past and to forgive oneself (although that is much more expounded upon with June & Zack's dynamic).

Ezekiel and Joshua (Narrator 1) - SAY HI TO THE RILEY AND CAIRO DYNAMIC WOOOOOOO but yea ari dude your analysis on Riley and Cairo (and Kate) being the Main MAIN characters and everything about cheerwives gave me a lot of think about and SO I PUT IT IN HERE WOOOOOO so basically um Ezekiel is the older stepbrother of Zack and the first of the 3 Misfits to figure out that they are in a show. He figures this out because he recognizes Joshua aka the leader of the Narrators aka his former churchmate and ex-bestfriend. He also realizes that they are in a show because he recognizes their tricks which he knew about because he had participated in these missions before as one of the Narrators (Joshua and Ezekiel are older than the rest of the cast and the other narrators don't know that Ezekiel was once a Narrator as well). Due to an Unfortunate Incident (that i'm still working on) 3 years prior to the events in the show, Ezekiel cut off all ties to the church but he is still viewed as this "perfect role model golden boy" which is why the 4 Narrators were shocked to find out that Ezekiel was part of their mission. Joshua, knowing that the real reason to his sudden involvement is due to "producers" somehow finding out their secret about the Unfortunate Incident, lied and told the others that he was just included to make converting his brother a lot easier, which they believed. Out of all the narrators, Joshua is the one who tries his best to stick to the script the most because he knows that if he doesn't, the true nature of that Unfortunate Incident will not only be revealed to his companions but to everyone else watching. Meanwhile Ezekiel, who doesn't know that him being involved in this mission is some sort of um penance for his involvement in that Unfortunate Incident, tries his hardest to sabotage he show by being the most outspoken when pointing out a lot of hypocrisies within religious institutions and in ph society in general (he refuses to tell the other two that they are in a show though because if that happens, he knows the Narrators, Joshua especially will um get very heavily scolded by the producers and despite everything, he still cares for Joshua a lot). I'd say that these two are the ones that push the plot the most - one wants to push the show accordingly to plan in order to please the audience and the producers and in order to not let his and Ezekiel's secret go out while the other wants to push the show off-script in retaliation against the producers (and yes the Unfortunate Incident involved the time travelling thingy which is why he really wants to sabotage this). In fact, these two have 2 duets that are basically them trying to convince the other to go along with their plan ("Interpretasyon" which means Interpretation and "Sikreto" which means secret). This dynamic involves um yea trying to convince the other to switch sides gjxjd and um reconciliation, responsibility out of guilt, and what it means to forgive oneself (forgiveness is a common theme here) and to start to heal from trauma and to not deny the existence of said trauma any longer.

NOW ORIGINALLY I REALLY DID NOT INTEND THE JOSHUA AND EZEKIEL DYNAMIC TO BE GAY BUUTT WHEN I WAS THINKING OF THE LYRICS, I REALIZED THAT OUT OF CONTEXT, IT SOUNDED VERY GAY SO UM HERE'S AN EXCERPT OF SIKRETO (still not finished writing the thingy)

Joshua: (singing to Ezekiel) (this is also the first time Joshua sings a Filipino solo so this is him breaking the script for the first time) (also um yea the translations aren't direct translations cause I wanted to make them rhyme fnxnf) (So to those who know filipino i am terribly sorry cause yup this isnt an accurate translation fjfjd)

Ang natitirang alaala ay aking binura (I have scrubbed away all the memories that may have still remained)

‘di ko na sila kilala (I don't know them anymore)

Kinalimutan na kita (I have forgotten about your name)

Ngunit ang bigat ng pagsisisi ang aking dinadala (But the weight of regret, I carry all the same)

Ang sakit sa balikat, lagi kong dinarama (I constantly feel the sting of my shoulders' pain)

Pero masasabi ko pa rin na sinusubukan kong itama (But at least I can say, I tried to right-)

Ang aking mga pagkakamali (all that's wrong)

Ikaw, saan ka pumunta? (What about you? Where in the world have you gone?)

Tumakbo ka lang at iniwan mo ako (You ran, you just ran, and left me behind)

Sa pagbubuhat ng kasalanan at sikreto (In carrying the sins and secrets, and you paid me no mind)

Pero pinapanatili ko paring malinis ang ating munting kwento (But I stillade sure I kept our little story clean)

Patuloy na sinisigurong ‘di nila malalaman ang totoo (I kept on making sure the truth would never be seen)

Alam na natin ang kwento (We already know the story)

Alam na natin ang kwentong kailangang itago (We know the story that we need to hide)

Itong munting sikreto ay kailangan burahin (This little secret that has to be erased)

Ating pagkakamali, patuloy na bubuhatin (We will have to always carry, our sins and our mistakes)

Alam na natin ang kwento (We already know the story)

Alam natin ang katotohanan ng nakaraan (We very well know the truth of the past)

Ito'y nakabakas sa isipan, ‘di natin malilimutan (We'll never forget what will remain ingrained in our minds)

At sa Diyos na lang natin mahahanap ang kapatawaran (And from only God could we find forgiveness for what we left behind)

Habang buhay bubuhatin ng konsensiya (Forever will our consciences bear the weight and carry

ang ating pagkakasala, ang kwento't sikreto nating dalawa (our sins kept in secrecy, the story of you and me)

Pero ngayon, ‘di ko alam paano pero nalaman nila (But now, I don't know how, but somehow they know)

At ngayon, dinedemanda na nila ang penitensya (And now, penitence is what they demand)

Kaya ngayon, naghihingi ako ng pasensiya (So now, patience and forgiveness is what I ask)

Sa iyo at sa kanila (From you and from them)

Sa aking gagawin at mga nagawa (for what I'll do and I've done)

Baka nga (Perhaps)

Tama nga mga sinabi mo (What you've said all this time is right)

Na ‘di tayo ang tanging may sala rito (That we aren't the ones only at fault here)

Pero ‘di ko matatakasan ang aking naging tungkulin (But I can't really escape my little role here, because)

Sana ‘di mo nakalimutan: lahat sila nakatingin (God I hope you haven't forgotten: they're all looking at us)

Lagi silang nakatingin (Always looking at us)

Kahit ano man ang iyong gawin (No matter what we do)

Tayo'y mananatili sa entablado (On the stage we shall stay)

At lahat sila nakatingi- (And the stares still won't go awa-) (He then realizes that he's on stage and Should Not Be Having A Breakdown In Front Of The Audience Because Duh and Because That's Not Part Of The Script)

SO UM YEA IN RETROSPECT SOME OF THOSE LYRICS COULD ALSO REFER TO SOME SECRET NOT-PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP THAT THE AUDIENCE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT YET (because the Secret doesn't get revealed til much later) WHEN IN ACTUALITY IT'S ABOUT THE TRUTH BEHIND WHAT HAPPENED 3 YEARS PRIOR TO THE EVENTS IN THE SHIW AND NOT GONNA LIE,,, THEM BEING IN A NOT-SO-PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP KINDA ALSO WORKS SO I'M CONSIDERING MAKING THEM HAVE SOME ROMANTIC HISTORY TOO JDHXBSJF

Oki that's all for today hdhdh there are two more characters (narrators 4 and 5) but i'm still working on them and i kinda wanna make the both of them not cis cause WHY NOT also i have been typing this for like 6 hours now and i'm tired and hungry so tjjxjs anyways if you read to the end, I'm sending you carbonara-

#I HAVE TYPED THIS #FOR 6 HOURS #I AM SO FUCKING TIRED GJXJSJJD #ARI I AM SO SO SORRY I WAS NOT EXPECTING FOR THIS WHOLE THING TO BE THIS LONG #but i guess thats what happens when you work on a thingy for 4 years fjsjf #FBZJSJJF ARI MY DUDE UM GOODLUCK AAAAAAA #God i hope you make it to the end gjxjdjf #um feel free to like reblog this in the tags if you wanna express ur thoughts there! i'd love to know what you think about this clusterfuck #the same goes for anyone woo feel free to rb if u wanna!! #SO ANYWAYS I AM TIRED AND WILL NOW EAT CARBONARA #once again ari i am so sorry jfhxhf #ari! (wattblr tag rambler yay!) #ask me stuff #izzy's rambles and shit #religion tw #ask to tag

[achaoticeternal]

A Dance. A Chase. A Purpose.

RANSOM DRYSDALE X READER masterlist  //  taglist

request from anon: 35. "sit your ass back down and talk to me" with Ransom Thrombey pretty please??😍

Summary: Ransom never has been one to chase a gall, but you’ve always been different. Word Count: 3.4k A/N: This is a reader and Ransom at a very formal gala. The Thrombey’s and Drysdale’s are “high class” people, they attend these kinds of things but I haven’t seen anyone write something like this! I hope you guys really enjoy it! This is also a lot of dialogue... whoops Warnings: Light swearing, people flirting with the reader, Ransom being an asshole but not a complete asshole

ANOTHER REAL QUICK NOTE: I WROTE ABOUT RANSOM IN A MAROON VELVET SUITE BEFORE THE GOLDEN GLOBES HAPPENED AND CHRIS JUST HAPPENED TO WEAR THAT EXACT OUTFIT TO THE GOLDEN GLOBES AND ALL I’M SAYING IS THAT THE UNIVERSE CAME THROUGH

His blue eyes continuously stalked you throughout the hours you attended the Gala. It wasn’t his scene and yet he adored the thought of ruining your perfect evening just with his presence. 

“Who put Ransom on the guest list?” You hissed at one of the event coordinators, “Don’t you remember what he did at the art show I hosted last year?”

“I’m terribly sorry Miss, but he’s the plus one for Mr. Thrombey,” the hesitant man replied, looking awfully terrified.

You took multiple deep breathes to soothe yourself and stop yourself from becoming flustered. Ransom has this awful hold on you that everyone could not, and you could absolutely not stand. He knew just how to stir you, be that good or bad, and absolutely ruin what should be paradise. He truly was the devil in a maroon velvet suit that was perfectly tailored to him.

“Yes, of course. I’m sorry for flashing, thank you for all your assistance tonight,” You smiled kindly to the man before scurrying off to find something to occupy yourself before Ransom had a chance. 

Tonight, all you wanted to do was raise funds to assist the homeless shelters in major U.S cities and inspire a few billionaires and millionaires to hand over a hefty check. But you had to play a little game to get money from the elite class. You made your way all around the ballroom in the designer gown; it was black and floor-length, layer upon layer of fine black lace. Across the skirt was intricate gold stars sewn into the material as an illusion collar and mesh sleeves complimented your top. Your appearance mixed with your charm could allure both men and women into acquiring whatever you desired. You knew that inevitably somehow you would run into Ransom since Harlan was a huge donor to your foundation. 

“Oh, (Y/N),” It seemed you’d be seeing him sooner than you thought as Mr. Thrombey waved you over. Gracefully, you turned to see him and other authors you’d invited enjoying their wine and making various comments about the younger people attending the gala. Harlan motioned at an empty seat, “my dear.”

“Alright, but I can’t stay long. Apparently, I’m the only one left with their head screw on right this evening,” You smiled as the older group chuckled.

“You’ve always been a prize, (Y/N). Standing out in school, in your community, and now your foundation. Your grandparents would be proud,” Margret, a theatre critic, complimented you.

Her words were almost reassuring. Your grandparents had left their company and their estate to you, their only granddaughter. The rest of the family received their fair cut of shares and money, but your grandparents believed that you had the best potential in ruining their media empire. 

But you felt all joy leave your body as a large pair of hands rested themselves upon your shoulder, squeezing them just tight enough to create a numbing sensation, “Yes, and she also always was quite the star in high school and even university. Our professor often gawked at how well-knowledged she is, and even her charm.”

You rested your right hand on top of Ransom’s, peeling it off and letting it drop to his side, “Well, Ransom, it’s wonderful for you to join us at the Charity Gala tonight. I hope everything is just as proper and tasteful to your liking.”

“Well, it’s a nice little set-up you have, but I’ve always been a man to enjoy a good party with plenty to drink and-”

“Hugh,” Mr. Thrombey warned his grandson.

Ransom gave her grandfather a childish glare before sighing, “But it’s still just so lovely, (Y/N).”

“This has just been so grand,” You stood and brushed out any wrinkles in the skirt of your dress, “but I must go meet with the city’s mayor to talk about the proceeds from this evening before they reach a politician's hands. Please feel free to check out our silent auction tables, there are some wonderful prizes to be won. And once we announce the winners, we will have a large auction while dinner is served in the banquet hall at 8.”

With pep in your step, you quickly made your own way to the banquet hall to make sure everything was going swimmingly.

                                                          -   -   -

“Yes, and up there on the platform, the seats will go the mayor’s wife, the mayor, the governor, myself, the senator, his wife, and then his son,” you pointed down the long table. Then you turned to look out over a sea of tables, chairs, and name cards, “And the menu is set for this evening?”

“Yes, ma’am. Everything is under control, tidy, and might I say, luxurious, thanks to you,” your proceeds manager, Pierce, complimented you.

“You’re too kind,” you slapped his arm lightly, “now, guests my enter around 7:30 or whenever the staff finishes setting our the glasses and rolls.”

“Oh, (Y/N),” you heard your name called by a silver tongue serpent who managed to sneak into the banquet hall early. As he sauntered over to you, Pierce noticed how to seemed to deflate slightly in the man’s presence.

“Miss, I’m so sorry, I’ll go tell security too-”

“It’s fine, Pierce. Hugh is an... acquaintance that I’ve known for years.”

“That’s a strange way of putting childhood enemy,” Ransom teased as he took a sip out of his champagne glass, “or childhood crush depends on how you view it.”

“Yes, yes, how could I forget. Pierce,” you gave him a look to dismiss him as you turned to look pointedly at Ransom, “what are you doing here now? The schedule is clear and I don’t understand why you can’t just fo-”

“You know schedules and timetables aren’t my forte, honey,” he cut you off, which he knew made your blood boil, “but I wanted to address a little rumor I heard? Apparently, at the banquet auction- you are going to be a prize.”

“I’m not a prize, I’m a respected woman,” you sneered, “and my marketing and social managers decided it would help the cause if we auctioned off a dance with one of the most powerful and eligible bachelorette's in New York.”

“Well then,” His eyes scanned across your face but going lower. You snapped your fingers in front of his face to snap him out of whatever the hell he was trying to do, “I guess I’ll be able to show you what a fantastic dancer I am tonight when I win.”

“In your dreams, Ransom,” You said with a smile as you heard the doors open and a crowd begin the flutter in, “Now please if you would so kindly take your seat able table 6.”

                                                         -   -   -

“Thank you so much for attending tonight’s charity gala,” You smiled warmly as you spoke into the microphone. Much applause followed, “This evening’s event couldn’t have happened without help from so many people within the community and all of you here tonight. I have a lot of people to thank tonight, but first I would like to thank the wonderful orchestra for providing such wonderful music.”

You gestured to the group seated on the right side of the banquet hall as they took their bows. You allowed for the chatter to calm before continuing your speech to thank the hotel and its’ management, the catering, your parents and siblings, your personal assistant, “and lastly I have three very important men and their families in attendance tonight. The Mayor of New York City, The Governor, and even Senator Holstead.” Each of the men stood, waved to the crowd, and were applauded, “And now, I would like to invite the Senator’s eldest son, MR. Wyatt Holstead to join me in announcing the winner’s for tonight’s silent auction and then we will proceed to bidding on specialty items.”

“Thank you so much, Ms. (Y/L/N). Isn’t she just fantastic?” Wyatt smiled at the audience as he made his way up to you with his own mic. He stood next to you and took your hand, “It is an absolute honor to be assisting you tonight and a help you raise funds to solve homelessness in this beautiful city, once and for all. But being in your striking beauty might be the cherry on top.”

You giggled as he raised your hand to his lips and kiss your knuckles softly. However, you could feel the tension across to the room as you made eye contact with Ransom, who was clapping with a less than excited look upon his face, “Why thank you. Now, Wyatt will be drawing and announcing the names of the winners while I present you will the item of auction. So- let’s begin.”

You forgot about Ransom and his predatory gaze as you awarded baskets and various items to strangers and friends that won them. The flashes of cameras and shaking of hands stirred your brain until Wyatt ended the silent auction.

“Congratulations to the winners! Checks can be dropped off this evening or mailed to the donation center within the next three days. But now, we move onto our live auction where we have some stellar items and events up for sale tonight!”

“You’re right, Wyatt. This first item up to bid tonight is a trip to the beaches of Italy on an all-expenses-paid vacation! Let’s start the bidding at $500, shall we?”

Immediately, hands and ladies’ fans flew up in the air. It was amazing how fast items were going and how quickly the evening was flying by.

“Going twice... Sold! The fountain pen collection goes to Mrs. Margret Dunwoody!” Wyatt called. There was applause as she grabbed her prize, “And now, for the final auction before any real partying or dancing begins, we have a real treat. One lucky person will be able to share the first dance and be treated to breakfast with our own, Miss (Y/N) (Y/L/N)! Now, this is quite the prize so let’s start the bidding at... two thousand?”

The hands’ of New York’s finest bachelors and bachelorettes shot up high.

‘$2,500″

“$3,500″

“$4,000!”

“$5,000!”

“$25,000,” One loud voice called from the center of the room. Ransom had stood, a smirk plastered to his face as his blue eyes met your own.

“$30,0-” Another man tried to yell out.

“$50,000,” Ransom called on top of him, “Anyone else?”

“Well then,” Wyatt said, looking to you and winking, “$60,000.”

“$75,000,” Ransom called back with ease. 

“$85,000,” Wyatt retorted.

 You began to become nervous. It would be awkward to watch Ransom’s and Wyatt’s little showdown, but you were the prize which made the experience only that much unsettling, “Boys, boys, you’re both pretty.”

“Going once...” You looked at Ransom only to be pondering something, “Going twice...” you started to pray that anyone else would bid, Wyatt was still in college and you didn’t need your record destroyed by a horny boy...

“$150,000!”

The banquet hall went completely silent, no one said a thing. You could here pen drop in the room with how deafening it was.

“Sold to Mr. Ransom Drysdale!” The Mayor called out from his seat, sensing the tension, “Now if Mr. Drysdale will make his way up to the platform to escort his prize to the dance floor.”

Ransom held a bit of swagger in his stride as he approached you. The shock was still evident in your stature as you tried to smile. People applauded and the band began to play again.

“My dear,” Ransom held his hand out for you, making sure to make this look a publicly decent as he could. You took his hand and he leads you down the stairs of the platform. Once you were on his level, he placed a hand upon your lower back and guided you towards the dance floor.

The band began to play a slow number that had the slightest touch of an upbeat. Ransom was surprisingly a great dance partner and easily guided you around the floor which captured the eyes of all in the banquet hall.

“You know, you’re not half bad at dancing,” you attempted to compliment him.

“I guess private school pays off a bit, but I’d still prefer dancing under your sheets,” he said in a sultry tone into your ear.

“Dammit, Ransom. I’m trying to enjoy my evening because you’ll be there to ruin my morning,” he spun you twice before pulling you into his chest again, “why did you even place a bid? You hate donating to charity, unless by force, and you know I can’t stand you.”

“Well, you know I love getting under your skin and I think the other bidder doesn’t have the same experience as I do,” He beamed, “in any category.”

“You’re disgusting.”

“But you can’t help but love me,” his lips dragged across your cheek.

The music faded out and a DJ began playing today’s hits. With all the formalities taken care of, this was no longer was your scene, “Well, good night, Ransom. I’ll see you in the morning and you can tell me about whatever girl you hooked up with, in the morning.”

With that, you escaped up to your suite in the hotel, hoping not to interact with anyone for the rest of the evening.

                                                        -   -   -

It was a few hours later now and you were still wide awake, relaxing in the living area of your suite as Brooklyn Nine-Nine played on the television. You had already showered and your hair was almost finished air drying, but you still wore the hotel robe. It was peaceful and allowed you to digest the events from the evening. But a knock on the door alerted you of an unexpected guest.

“Who is it?”

“Room service, ma’am,” You opened the door to reveal a young man with a cart, “Gifts from the hotel managers and a special man who wanted to thank you for this evening.”

“Oh well, thank you, just cart it in wherever you like,” You nodded and let him through. He quickly took care of his job before exiting, “good night.”

You grabbed the first card on the cart, a little formal thank you note from the hotel for a smooth event and the wonderful publicity. There was a second one with no name, but you figured it was one of the politicians you invited this evening.

You looked like the night sky, but you shined brighter than any star.

Shaking your head, you let out a small giggle at the little note like you were a school girl again. Even if there was a bump or two in the evening, it all still went practically perfect. But a second knock came from the door.

“If it’s another cart, I’m afraid I’m out of room in here,” You teased, only to open the door to reveal Ransom. 

“Well, were the flowers not enough? I didn’t know my prize would still be so hard to please, even after I swept her off her feet on the dance floor.” Here he was, smirk and all. Instead of his usual behavior of prowling a dance floor for a girl to satisfy him for the night, he was here, satisfying his need to tease you.

“Ransom, I-uh... Shouldn’t you be downstairs?” You pulled the robe close to your body like it could shield you from anything he could say or do to you.

“Well, my date left me on the floor-”

“I’m sorry to hear that, but it’s late, and I’m not a prize to be won, and you-”

“(Y/N),” He looked you in the eyes with his own blue ones that could make any woman melt and suddenly you understood why he came upstairs, “Can I come in, please?”

“I- maybe not tonight...”

“Please”

You took a deep breath before opening the door to allow him in, “Okay, but I do plan to go to bed before long.”

He walked in and immediately got a beer out of the hotel fridge before taking a seat on the couch. You grabbed yourself a bottle of water before joining him on the couch.

“So, were you trying to get away from your grandfather? or an ex?”

“No, I figured it was time we talk. And I mean actually talk. Not argue or bicker like we do in front of everyone else.”

“I don’t remember a time where we didn’t, so...”

“Maybe because you never give me the chance to talk-”

“Well, maybe that’s because every time I’ve tried to open up to you or trust you, you just cut me off...”

“Maybe that’s because you keep trying to meddle in my life like my family does!”

“I’m not doing this tonight! Not after everything I accomplished, I’ll see you in the morning,” you pushed yourself off the couch and attempted to make your way into the bedroom.

“No, (Y/N), I-” He let out a sigh and shook his head, “sit your ass back down and talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to talk about, Ransom!”

“There is everything to talk about”

IT hit you like a brick. He wanted to talk it out because after all this time he still wanted you. He wanted back sneaking into each other’s dorms. Pretending to hate each other, but sneaking kisses behind friends and family. You were the only person to ever deny him from what he needed. You were the girl to leave him on the floor. The same way you had left him on the floor homecoming your junior year, semi-formal your senior year of college, and various club outings. And now tonight in front of the public. You had always been the only girl to leave him alone and the only girl to walk out on him first. And after all this time, he still chased after you, because you were consistent.

 “Dammit, (Y/N). Why do you act like this? We have history, but you insist on acting like it never happened or that it was all bad.”

“Ransom, you know why we both called it all off...”

“Because you were inheriting a large media network? You could risk doing ONE thing that your mother didn’t approve of. I know why, but I’ll never understand-”

“Because you made me reckless and I couldn’t let my life slip through my fingers while I lived a perfectly pleasurable life off of daddy’s money. I need purpose and you never gave me one.”

“But you gave me purpose. And tonight, you looked like a night sky, shining bright with a thousand stars and reminded me of those nights where we laid under the starry sky and you let me spoil you. You helped me deal with the abomination that is my family, you were helping me learn to be a better person.” He took your hands into his own large ones and rested his forehead against yours, “I was going to propose and we were going to find a purpose together.”

“Fuck, Ransom,” The tears slid down your cheeks, but he caught them with his thumbs, “Why do we have to do this now? I was just starting to truly move on. Why can’t you let the idea of us go?”

“Because it’s the only good idea I’ve ever had. Please, (Y/N), I love you.”

Your breath got caught in your throat. In all the time that Ransom and you had spent together - teasing each other or flirting or otherwise - he had never said that he loved you. You never even heard him tell his parents he loved them. He truly wanted you.

“I- We... We can try again. But it’ll be slow and it will take time to heal what we burned, but if you’re willing than I am too.”

“That’s all I need to hear,” he whispered before pressing his lips against yours. 

                                                       -   -   -

The next afternoon, images of you and Ransom having brunch and holding hands while wandering around New York were splattered across media and magazine sites alike. People and reporters asked about the charity event the night before, what this relationship meant for your company, and even asking if you both were finally coming public with your relationship after months of hiding it.

A young reporter caught Ransom and asked it you satisfied his desires, targeting Ransom’s playboy bachelor status.

“I think you should be asking (Y/N) how much she raised for the homeless and those living off in a single evening instead of objectifying her. She’s the most powerful and influential woman in the nation and desrves more respect than that. Go report her record-breaking funding to your Editor, instead of a dumbass’s opinion on if she makes a good shag or not, sweetie.”

Once you made it into his car and made your way to Boston, you turned to him, “Thank you, for everything you said.”

“Of course, it was all honest and true. But I was never gonna tell them how wonderful you feel beneath me.”

“Ransom-”

“Oh c’mon, you love me”

#mattie writes #ransom thrombrey #ransom drysdale #ransom drysdale x reader #ransom drysdale imagine #ransom drysdale x y/n #ransom thrombey x reader #ransom thrombey imagine #chris evans #cevans #chris evans x reader #chris evans imagine #chris evans x y/n #knives out

[so-i-did-this-thing]

hi i just ran across your blog! im also an oboist, hoping to make it professionally one day. im in college right now, do you have any tips or like how did you become a professional oboist?

Hi there! I have been a freelancer all my career, so I don't play the oboe full time. This is actually incredibly common - lots of us supplement our income with teaching or a secondary career. Some people are able to make that career related to music, but tons of us are lawyers, sales clerks, pharmacists, etc. I myself was a designer, then a programmer, and now I work in government.

I have these tips for oboe performance majors:

1) Talk honestly with your career advisor. There are a limited number of orchestras in the world and spots open rarely, yet colleges churn out new performance majors yearly. Where does everyone go? See what you need to learn to be a viable teacher, recording and/or contract musician (lots of touring productions hire locally), etc.

2) Join the local music union. Most gigs will come from word-of-mouth, so start playing with and meeting people. The union is also your source for health insurance.

3) Gain a reputation for being easy to work with and punctual. Both of these traits are more valuable than sheer skill and will get you hired over better players who are arrogant or flighty. (Of course you need to be able to play the part in front of you, no excuses.)

Be a good sight-reader and know the standards. It was a culture shock learning how few rehearsals you do IRL for a concert vs college. Hell, I once toured for 2 weeks with an opera company, no one else spoke English, and we played a different opera every day. You gotta learn to roll with barely any rehearsals.

Be a good leader and if principle, an advocate for the woodwind section. Don't be afraid of conductors, they are just another sclhub in the pit/on stage with you, so learn how to talk to them.

Since oboes are usually first in, last out, be helpful during setup and breakdown. People notice if you are kind.

4) Diversify musically. Most musical theatre pits only want woodwind generalists, so learn the other instruments. They will take a generalist over a specialist any day, it doesn't matter if you are a better oboist.

Also learn interesting instruments that make you useful in recording - soundtracks need things like recorders, penny whistles, etc.

5) Diversify professionally. COVID has taught us how precarious a performance career really is. You need to know how to do other stuff or be good working in retail/food service.

6) Do not turn your nose down at pops, wedding, theme park or church gigs. These pay well. Churches have consistently been my most reliable source of income - I was a church musician for many years and that consistent $250 a weekend for 5 hrs of easy work kept me fed.

7) Be prepared to make tough decisions on what you are worth. I refuse to play for free; I will not give in to sob stories from community orchestras. I refuse to play for orchestras who take 6 months to pay people. "Exposure" is bullshit.

Alas, sometimes you have to coddle bad people in positions of power -- this is where having a backup job helps.

Refusing shitty gigs will get easier as you gain a rep among good people. And it's even easier if you have a backup job -- I have a reputation as That Guy who will corner the contractor (often the conductor) and demand the orchestra get paid on time, because I'm not worried financially about getting fired. I have threatened to sue orchestras to get my people paid. If you are union, stick with your union pals on overtime rules. No bullshit "sound checks" that turn into unpaid rehearsals.

8) It is possible to make it without owning an English Horn, but if you have the means, get one -- it really helps if you want to play more, but you may not necessarily earn more money because of the additional costs.

9) Make friends with the caterers at the gig. Get good at cramming Green Room / backstage food into your pockets or gig bag. Return to the catering table before they dump the food. This is how you will eat some nights.

10) Being a performing musician is... remarkably blue-collar in a way. Be prepared for that kind of lifestyle. You will be hustling your entire life, even if you land an orchestra appointment.

Honestly, though, out of the entire list, #1 is critical for you right here and now. The math just doesn't add up for all of us to be symphonic musicians, so you need to figure out what a performance career looks like to you. Maybe you work at Disney in the parks. Maybe you record video game music from your home studio. But the world has changed and music school (albeit like 25 years ago) did not prepare me for anything other than auditioning for orchestras and grad school. I'm still pissed about it.

That said, even though I don't play full time, I have played some very meaty repertoire. I've played principle with major orchestras (I'm a damned good sub), I've toured, and have done everything on my bucket list except for Tchaik 4 and the Bartok (I have played 2nd here, tho, so good enough).

Also, I don't regret music school - it made me a better, more confident person. I just wish I knew going in what the job market REALLY was like.

I wish you the best!

#oboe stuff #oboe #serious talk #music career

[limjaeseven]

Don’t Wanna Know (5/8)

VERSE 2: PART 5 OF 8

Pairing: Jinyoung X Jaebeom ft Seulgi of Red Velvet

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Word Count: 2,064

Summary: Jinyoung gets casted in his first mainstream movie and he wants to tell Jaebeom about it. The elder never picks up his phone.

Warning(s): Mentioned cancer, sad JJP

Jinyoung had hoped that they would stop ghosting each other after their fight in high school but that didn’t really happen. They had always bickered and argued, being complete opposites but after that first fight, Jinyoung didn’t think he could take anything like that ever again. He remembered those four months of ignoring Jaebeom because looking at his face hurt.

The words tore him apart, but what was worse was the way Jinyoung could see Jaebeom beating himself up. From the dark circles to the short tempered attitude, he knew that Jaebeom was hurting just as much as he was but the things that he said held Jinyoung back from comforting him. He wondered when things would get better and though they eventually did, it was a painful journey.

Their next time they didn’t talk to each other for a while happened after they graduated from college. They had been living in the same apartment for almost four years and had gotten good jobs at respectable firms, Jinyoung having signed with a small acting company and Jaebeom with a production house. Things were going well till Jaebeom told him he was in love.

Seulgi was her name, she was an intern at the production house and the most beautiful woman Jaebeom had seen. He spoke of her endlessly to Jinyoung, who just felt the strong urge to bury himself alive. Jinyoung had known he was in love with Jaebeom for years. It wasn’t even that he liked men, he just knew that he wanted no one but Jaebeom.

He remembers the first time he got her home, she was one of the nicest people Jinyoung had ever met, making it impossible for Jinyoung to hate her, and most importantly, she made Jinyoung happy. Jinyoung had never seen Jaebeom smile like that, like the weight that he forever carried on his shoulders had vanished and been replaced with a cloud.

They went out a lot, Seulgi never staying over mostly for Jinyoung’s benefit. She lived alone so Jaebeom spent most of his time at her apartment. Shared breakfasts with Jinyoung became texts letting him know that he’d spent the night at her house and driving together to work became apologies about needing to drop her somewhere.

Jinyoung hoped that it would fade, despite the fact that Jaebeom was happy, a selfish part of him wanted them to breakup, sending Jaebeom rushing back to him. The other part of him weighed down with guilt over those thoughts. It was a vicious cycle of jealousy and self-hatred that made Jinyoung feel like he was drowning.

The world came crashing down on Jinyoung when Jaebeom announced that they were moving in together. Jaebeom was leaving him for good, Jinyoung thought. He knew that he wasn’t actually going anywhere, they were still best friends and nothing would ever come between them but for Jinyoung’s brain it was a big red signal telling him that he wasn’t needed anymore.

“Isn’t it too fast, hyung? You’ve only been dating for six months” Jinyoung didn’t know if he was trying to reason with Jaebeom or himself.

“I barely come here anymore, half my clothes are in her wardrobe. I know it’s faster than usual but I think she’s the one, Jinyoungie” And Jinyoung believed his words. The look in his eyes told him that this was it, the woman he was going to marry, he could already picture them with two little kids in his head. It took everything for him to not fall to the floor from the sheer emotional exhaustion.

Packing was much easier than Jinyoung thought it would be, he hadn’t noticed the way that most of Jaebeom’s possessions were already gone. He didn’t know if it was ignorance or denial on Jinyoung’s part but Jaebeom had found someone he wanted forever. He had known that it wouldn’t be just the two of them forever, he knew that eventually they’d have to find their own paths in life but this was all too soon.

Jinyoung cried that night, as he sat on the floor of Jaebeom’s empty room. He couldn’t imagine living alone, even when Jaebeom wasn’t at home, Jinyoung could at least walk in there, smell his perfume on the clothes, fell his presence in the space but now it just felt sad.

They met less and less as time passed by, their lives packed with work and love for Jaebeom. Jinyoung moved into a smaller apartment closer to his workplace, unable to sleep without Jaebeom across the hall from him in their old home. The housewarming party was just Jaebeom, Jinyoung and a bottle of wine, which was only for the younger since Jaebeom had sworn off alcohol.

Then came the day that Jinyoung got casted in his first movie, it was a medium budget rom-com and Jinyoung was only a supporting character but it was still a big deal to him. He had tried to call Jaebeom to tell him about it but the elder never picked up his call. Desperately wanting Jaebeom to come meet him on set once he called and called but it was never answered.

Months passed by and the shooting wrapped up, but there was still no contact from Jaebeom. He tried going to his apartment only to be told he had moved out months prior. That’s when the despair really kicked in, Jaebeom didn’t want him anymore, he didn’t even bother telling him he was moving out. As a last resort, Jinyoung went to Jaebeom’s workplace, just to talk to him once and he wasn’t there. He saw Seulgi but she looked uncomfortable as she spoke to him.

“Where is hyung?” He asked, desperate for answers.

“I’m sorry Jinyoung but Jaebeom can’t meet you right now, he’s been quite busy and wants no distractions” He could tell she was lying, Seulgi wasn’t a good liar.

“Can you just give these to him?” Jinyoung handed over two tickets for the premiere of his film to her before leaving. He still didn’t receive any calls from Jaebeom, things were over between them forever, he thought.

Jinyoung didn’t realise how quickly the day of the premiere came. He felt like he was dying as he donned on his brand new suit and walked down the red carpet with his co-stars. His smile didn’t reach his eyes as he looked into the cameras, his jokes not carrying any of the energy. The seat he had reserved for Jaebeom and Seulgi was just down the row and no matter how many times he checked, there was no one there. Even after the movie started, Jinyoung hoped that they would come in, apologising for being late and congratulate him afterward for his achievement.

He received compliments from his colleagues and critics alike who attended the screening but he didn’t hear any of them. He put up his act long enough for him to exit the building from a side exit, away from the public eye.

The tears welled up the moment he was alone, Jinyoung’s body growing weak as he let the events of the previous hours sink in. It had probably been the most important moment in Jinyoung’s life, and Jaebeom didn’t come. He tried to walk around outside the theatre a bit to get some air but his lungs felt like they were full of water. He struggled to breathe, his legs moments from giving away.

Every attempt at rationalising Jaebeom’s actions failed and Jinyoung realised that he was fighting a lost cause. Breathing deeply, he reached his hand out to hail a taxi. Just as he was stepping into the vehicle, he thought he heard his name being called out, it sounded like Jaebeom’s voice. He didn’t turn back though, he just scolded himself for fabricating his presence because there was no way Jaebeom was there.

It had been two days after Jinyoung’s housewarming party that Jaebeom collapsed at work. He was in the middle of directing a scene for a music video when he just crumbled and fell, fortunately one of his co-workers caught him before he could hit his head on the ground.

Seulgi had been nearby at the time and accompanied him as he was rushed into the hospital. Jaebeom had changed his emergency contact from his parents to her just to make sure Jinyoung wouldn’t find out about his condition. Seulgi knew, he had told her that early into them dating, letting her know that he wouldn’t be around for too long. He had also made her promise to never tell Jinyoung.

She had waited outside the ICU for nearly four hours before the doctor came out to tell her what was wrong but all she could hear was ‘worse’ and ‘not much time’ through the cloud of fear surrounding her. He had let her know that he was unconscious but she could meet him when she heard Jaebeom’s phone buzz next to her. She had received it from one of the nurses who had seen it fall out of his jacket pocket as he was wheeled in.

Seeing Jinyoung’s caller ID terrified her, what was she supposed to tell him? She hoped that if she didn’t answer he would not call again but the calls kept coming. Scared, she blocked his number, making a mental note to tell Jaebeom when he woke up.

But he didn’t wake up, not for a while. His body grew weaker in the days he was at the hospital, his body waiting to succumb to his condition. Their apartment was too far away from the hospital for Seulgi to travel back and forth everyday so with the help of her parents she moved into a place nearby after being informed that Jaebeom could easily be admitted for months.

And that he was, it was three months till he was discharged. It took another few weeks for him to finally come back to normal. He finally got a hold of his phone the day of the premiere but was surprised to see no calls from Jinyoung.

“Did Jinyoung not even call me once?” He mused. He asked Seulgi about it who had completely forgotten about blocking Jinyoung and she apologised profusely as he told her about what she had done. Though he tried to empathise with her actions he was mad beyond belief. He knew he would have hurt Jinyoung immensely by just disappearing off the face off the earth for months.

He tried to call Jinyoung but his phone was switched off. Dejected, he headed to bed to get some rest but just as he was about to turn the lights off he noticed two tickets on the bedside table. He had never heard of the movie mentioned on the tickets and was confused as to why they had premiere tickets to the show.

Looking up the name of the film on his phone, Jaebeom felt his entire world come crashing around himself. Park Jinyoung, his Jinyoungie was listed as one of the cast members. Jinyoung had finally been casted in a movie and Jaebeom had missed its premiere.

The screening started at 7 pm and it was nearly ten, Jaebeom cursed out loud as he rushed to throw on some clothes, he hoped Jinyoung was still caught up in the interviews so that he could at least show his face at the event. He ignored Seulgi as she asked him where he was going and hopped into his car, driving as fast as he could.

Parking his car outside the theatre, he noticed the press interviewing the main cast in the lobby of the theatre but Jinyoung was nowhere to be seen.

“Lim Jaebeom?” One of the staff members called out as they noticed his presence.

“Have you seen Park Jinyoung anywhere?” He asked them, panic rising in his body.

“He didn’t look very well, told me he was going home early. He just left so you might still be able to catch him” They pointed in the direction where Jinyoung had gone and Jaebeom thanked them before running full speed to catch up with Jinyoung.

“Jinyoung!” He shouted out as he saw Jinyoung step into a taxi. The younger hesitated for a moment and Jaebeom waited for him to turn around, but he never did. Jinyoung quietly climbed into the car and drove off, leaving Jaebeom panting on the sidewalk.

#got7 #got7writerscollective #got7creators #got7 fanfic #got7 jb #got7 jaebeom #got7 mark #got7 jackson #got7 jinyoung #got7 youngjae #got7 bambam #got7 yugyeom #got7 smut #got7 angst #got7 fluff #jb #jaebeom #jaebum #jinyoung #yugyeom

[koinoyokvn]

*  /  𝐈 𝐍 𝐓 𝐑 𝐎 𝐃 𝐔 𝐂 𝐓 𝐈 𝐎 𝐍

* JOSHUA HONG, CISMALE + HE/HIM  | you know CHANHEE ‘SOUR PATCH’ BAN, right? they’re TWENTY-TWO, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, THIRTEEN YEARS? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to OCEAN DRIVE BY DUKE DUMONT like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole glitter stippled onto his cheeks, swinging at the playground at midnight & neon lights at a nightclub thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is july 1st, so they’re a cancer, which is unsurprising, all things considered.

hewwo everyone !! i’m kacchan n i, personally, am a bit of an idiot but !! do not let that distract u from the fact that i hav a few fun muses to write w !! i’ve been out of the rp scene for about a year but i’ve been spurred by rekindled inspiration !! i’m rlly excited to meet everyone n i hope we can get some delicious plots n connections that r chef’s kiss <3 

trigger warnings: death tw, fire tw, alcohol tw

*  /  𝐁 𝐀 𝐒 𝐈 𝐂 𝐒

hair: blackest brown

eyes: chestunut brown

build: slim & active

height: 5′9″ or 177 cm

weight: 127 lbs or 58 kg

distinguishing features: two lobe piercings on each ear, three helix piercings on each ear, an industrial piercing on his right ear, and a small tattoo with the roman numerals “XXIX - MMIX” written on his left wrist

distinguishing style: pastel colours & sparkling pieces make up most of his fashion, very bright jackets and very blushed makeup, designer outfits when he’s told to be on his best behaviour

*  /  𝐇 𝐈 𝐒 𝐓 𝐎𝐑 𝐘

chanhee was born along the coast of north carolina, though not quite irving. he was born to a head butler and head nanny of a wealthy estate on irving. very old money, invested in the surrounding agriculture and lumber of the area. his parents were live-in employees, constantly tending to the estate. chanhee lived on the estate as an infant but, as soon as he was old enough to go to school, he lived with his aunt in the city he was born in and only spent summers on the estate.

his mother was kind and charming, graceful with the way she tended to the children of the wealthy family. she always had stories and was filled with compassion. his father was surly and deadpan, a cynical man that always saw the worst in things. but it’s his cynicism that allowed him to thrive as the butler, as he feared the worst, he prepared for it, and all his father’s plans would turn out seamless. chanhee loved the summers. he loved spending every day with his parents. when he was at school, he told everyone that he would become the head butler of the estate just like his father. the family career, so to speak.

chanhee quickly befriended the children of the estate. when they would go to tutors, he would go to the laundry rooms and the gardens. but whenever it was free time, he was stuck to their side. he would join them on their fishing adventures and beach escapades, but he didn’t know much about irving beyond the estate. he was just a visitor, a tourist, every time he would go downtown. 

he though life would always be like this. going to school and being with his aunt during the winter, and enjoying every moment of the day during the summer. and when he would finish school, he would move to irving and work under his father’s eyes. that was his destiny... only, it wasn’t.

his father loved stage plays. it was the only thing that could make him smile, other than his family. when chanhee was 10, he was having a “sleepover” with the children of the estate while his parents took the night off. they drove to chanhee’s hometown, met with his father’s sister, and they all went to a stage play. but they didn’t come home. the theatre caught on fire and the building was brought down. eight casualties, three of them being chanhee’s mother, father, and aunt. chanhee wasn’t the wiser until the next morning.

chanhee had no grandparents. his aunt was his only immediate family. he had an uncle from his grandmother’s brother in korea. the only extended family he had. chanhee... to go all the way to korea? and if his uncle was contacted and said no, he would be placed into the foster system. this wasn’t supposed to be the way his life panned out. he was supposed to be the head butler of the estate, wasn’t he?

the wealthy wife hadn’t stopped crying since the funeral. and the wealthy husband, holed up in his study and only coming out to get more drinks, muttering how he only trusted chanhee’s father to hand him things. the wealthy family was mourning, too. while chanhee’s custody was in limbo, he was staying with the wealthy family. an act of compassion brought him to hold the wealthy wife and weep with her, telling her that everything would be okay because his parents are still in every inch of the house. they made their life here and that can’t be taken away. very profound words and chanhee was speaking each from the memory of his mother and what she would always say. that was it!

the next weeks were getting the paperwork settled. the uncle from korea was never contacted. instead, the wealthy family adopted chanhee as their own. that way, chanhee would never be far from what he knows and the wealthy family would have always have his parents’ spirit with them. chanhee was now a permanent residence of irving. he was allowed to keep his surname, a request from chanhee himself. 

the transition was a little rocky. chanhee would always drift away from his lessons to help around the estate and get caught by his tutors, disciplined for being tardy or absent. he was critical of food being cooked for him as he learned how to cook quite young and would always help his parents. this transition created a sort of dependency on chanhee’s favourite treats: sour patch kids. he would always have a bag near or around him. when he was upset, some would be brought to him. it got to the point where his newly adopted siblings would call him “sour patch”. eventually, the nickname stuck and never left. he was now sour patch ban, newfound heir. 

he never meant to be unruly. but when his troublemaker sister asked him to join her on a party, he couldn’t let her go alone. he wouldn’t be a very good brother if that were the case. it quickly escalated, however, once he let alcohol into his system. soon, it was him and his sister, sneaking out every weekend to find trouble. high school was spent falling asleep in classes but doing stellar on tests and assignments, many thanks to private tutors. it was spent dreading his extracurriculars, though it helped him learn how to play piano, guitar, and the drums. he was also a talented singer, though he does get a bad case of stage fright if he’s asked to sing in front of a crowd.

now that he’s graduated high school, he’s kind of drifting. not sure where he wants to go or what to do. his parents always assured him that he would be loved and taken care of no matter what he decided to do. so for now, he takes a lax business course at the university, just to say he’s trying. otherwise, he’s out on the town, drinking and smoking and laughing and playing away. sometimes he thinks about making his music career, even joining a band with his friends, and maybe making that his life. but something always gripes about him, how that estate is supposed to be his life. anything beyond it almost seems... inauthentic. is that why he spends so much time drinking? never committing to anything? hm, who knows.

*  /  𝐏 𝐄 𝐑 𝐒 𝐎 𝐍 𝐀 𝐋 𝐈 𝐓 𝐘

sour patch is definitely someone who tries to make everyone around him smile. he’s kind, affable, super sweet, and thoughtful. he makes an effort to remember the small things people tell him. he’s a bit of an over-analyzer this way, trying to figure out what people want. his motif is to always help people.

but that’s not to say he doesn’t have problems of his own. he’s scared of commitment in any regard and he hides his true feelings quite a lot. he doesn’t want to seem a burden or something to invoke pity, so he never lets on how much something hurts him. he’s quite emotional and can cry at the drop of a pin. he just invests a lot of himself into other people and, of course, that never bodes well.

he’s also a huge romantic. now, mix that with his commitment issues and his mask-wearing, it’s not a pretty trait of his. he has a tendency to fall in love with anyone who shows him a remote kindness. he scoops up opportunities to be intimate while he’s partying because they simulate true affection just enough for him to get addicted to it. but, he’s sensitive and noncommittal, so he can fall out of love just as easily.

*  /  𝐂 𝐎 𝐍 𝐍 𝐄 𝐂 𝐓 𝐈 𝐎 𝐍 𝐒

save your tears — sour patch went all in with his chips with this relationship. he really thought that he could unlearn his life of flimsy whimsical habits. but, that’s not the only thing that’s stopping him from being a good partner. maybe it was the nonstop drinking, the hesitancy to show vulnerability, or his inability to get out of his daydreams. but it fell apart. sour patch never stopped caring about this person, however, and he wants to try and be better for them. but will they let him? ( 0/1 )

banana brain — sour patch isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. although he’s always kind to everyone, he can come off ingenuine. however, he’s determined to be this person’s friend. he feels like he can help them, even though he knows that his presence is unwanted. extravagant gifts, surprise visits, the whole shebang. sour patch is persistent even though it’s a futile mission. ( 0/3 )

i wonder — the current pinnacle of sour patch’s affections. maybe this person is a classmate, or a regular at one of his regular spots too, or just happened to perform a random act of kindness. sour patch is quite the romantic individual and overthinks any minute interaction. this is amped up with this person. be prepared. i would prefer if this is unrequited but we can see how it goes, too! ( 0/1 )

eyes closed — sour patch is using this person to distract himself from something he can’t attain. does this person know that? well, only time can tell. it’s hard to see beyond sour patch’s masks sometimes. maybe it’s mutual and this person is also distracting themself from something else. however, it almost feels real. every touch and whisper. it’s just missing some sort of spark. that inescapable romantic ideal that it’s meant to be. ( 0/1 )

SPECIAL MENTIONS: sour patch adores having friends and is a very social creature, he wants to be close with everyone. sour patch also has his share of one night stands and drunken encounters, and not all of them are good. these connections won’t have limits because i’m a fiend for friends/fwb/rivals. 

#irvingintro #files. #files: chanhee ban. #death tw #fire tw #alcohol tw

[curioushistorian]

Contemporary art reflective blog

My name is Helen, I am a mature first year undergraduate History of Art and Museum Studies student. For the contemporary art module, we have been asked to create a blog on how we understand and connect to contemporary art. This is where I have to confess that out of all the modules that we have studied this is the one that I feel I connected to the least.

I am hoping by the end of this blog and through my own research to have deepened my understanding and gained a better insight into contemporary art.

I have grown up in and around Renaissance art having spent a quite a bit of time in Florence with the family I have there, the time spent in art galleries like The Uffizi, The Accademia and the Pitti Palace deepened my love of all things ‘old’ so the modern contemporary art I just do not feel like I understand quite so well.

 Medusa with the Head of Perseus

'Medusa with the Head of Perseus', by artist Luciano Garbati. COURTESY OF MWTH PROJECT AND THE ARTIST

 Luciano Garbati is an Argentine-Italian artist who grew up in a little village just outside Florence. In the Piazza della Signoria sits the famous Cellini sculpture for all to see. In this sculpture Perseus stands naked atop of Medusa’s corpse, holding her head aloft in victory over the crowds that gather in the square, every child in Florence knows the story.

As Garbati told Quartz’s Annaliese Griffin in 2018, seeing the work as a child led him to imagine a reversal of its dynamic.

“There are lots of depictions of Medusa, and they are always describing the myth at its worst,” the artist said. “… What would it look like, her victory, not his? How should that sculpture look?”

Medusa was a handmaiden of Athena’s sacred temple and one day Poseidon tried to seduce her, she rebuffed his advances as it would jeopardise her position in the temple, not taking no for an answer Poseidon raped Medusa. When Athena found out she, in a fit of rage for defiling her temple, turned Medusa into a Gorgon with deadly snakes for hair and a gaze that would turn anyone she looked at into stone, she banished Medusa from the temple.

A number of years later Perseus was sent on a seemingly imposible task to kill Medusa and cut off her head as a gift. Not being able to look directly at Medusa Perseus used the reflection in his shield to complete the job and take her head.

In Garbati’s sculpture things are a little different, Medusa’s lithe body is naked, she still has the snakes for hair and she is still a beautiful maiden, but in one hand she clutches a sword and in the other the severed head of Perseus (modelled on the artist) but its her gaze that catches the attention of the viewer, head tilted slightly downward, there isn’t a glee to her victory just a quiet resolution that she got the job done and woe betide anyone else who tries to take her life from her, inviting the narrative that she as a rape survivor, she will rise and that victim shaming is both wrong and immoral. This has been highly publicised recently in the media with the #metoo movement.

Photograph Jeenah Moon for the New York Times

Although Garbati created Medusa with the Head of Perseus in 2008 the sculpture was chosen to be erected in 2019 directly opposite the New York County Criminal Court, where Harvey Weinstein stood trial prompting a mixed reaction from the #metoo movement. Medusa has been reinterpreted as being symbolic of the victim-blaming suffered by rape survivors. “How can a triumph be possible if you are defeating a victim,” Garbati said in a statement.

On his Instagram page, Garbati wrote, “The place chosen is not accidental, since there they judge cases for crimes related to violence against women. We are already in the final stage working on the last details of this sculpture that became a symbol of justice for many women.”

Photograph Jeenah Moon for the New York Times

Some women were outraged that a male artist was chosen to represent their voice saying that Medusa’s body was too perfect and Poseidon’s or Athena’s head ought to be at Medusa’s side, not Perseus’s as they were the initial perpetrators.

Regarding Medusa’s model-esque figure, Mr. Garbati suggests that critics consider the literature from a recent exhibition at the Metropolitan Museum of Art that chronicles how artistic depictions of Medusa morphed from beastly to beautiful starting in the fifth century B.C. You can find that information here https://issuu.com/metmuseum/docs/dangerous_beauty_winter_2018_bullet

The feminist activist Wagatwe Wanjuki, who has written extensively on violence against women, wrote on Twitter, “#Metoo was started by a Black woman, but a sculpture of a European character by a dude is the commentary that gets centered? Sigh.”

But what if we have the story wrong, what if it’s been interpreted incorrectly all this time? What if Athena was in a fit of rage because her maiden had been raped? What if she was so angry that she turned the beautiful Medusa into a Gorgon to protect her from being a powerless victim? What if she sent her away to safe place where no one would find her? What if, what if, what if….

You can find Luciano Garbati’s web page here https://www.lucianogarbati.com/

  Faith Ringgold

 I first came across Faith Ringgolds work in a lecture we had about the Harlem Renaissance and the impact of the Windrush generation on art at that time, how black artists were using art, music, dance and other mediums to comment on the political status of the era and the black community’s social standing.

What first caught my eye was the riot of beautiful colour Ringgold uses, also that she uses the traditionally ‘gentle’ medium of quilting to depict such abject horrors such as racism, segregation, riots and street violence.

This led me to find out more about her life as an artist and civil rights activist, she is a mesmerising character and I watched many interviews with her, this one was particularly interesting as she was accompanied by her black feminist author and cultural critic daughter Michelle Faith Wallace. Watch it here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GK6G-S33V6w

 Faith Ringgold was born in Harlem New York in 1930 at the tail end of the Harlem Renaissance.

Harlem welcomed thousands of African Americans from the southern states of America, they moved to escape the prejudice and persecution that was going on at this time. Many famous people settled in Harlem such as Duke Ellington and Ella Fitzgerald also authors, artists, musicians and athletes flocked to this area. It was an exciting time in Harlem and the Harlem Renaissance was born.

Faith Ringgold attended City Collage New York where she studied art from the European Masters such as Da Vici, Van Goch and Titian. Although she learned from them, she thought “I am black, I am a woman and I am of African descent” so she started to look at African art that was brought to Harlem by her relatives, she started to make quilts with her own twist on the designs, this led her to making her quilt stories, a series of quilts depicting the plight of African Americans in Harlem at this time, dedicating her career to activism, fighting gender and racial equality and highlighting the horrors of the race riots.

Echoes of Harlem 1980 is the first quilt of the series. This was a collaboration with her mother (who she called Willy) and was made the year before Willy died, this was the only one they collaborated on together. It features all the faces of her neighbours and friends in Harlem and takes the traditional tanka for inspiration. The fabric was quilted on to wadding and then the images were painted directly on to the fabric. This meant she could roll them up and easily transport them to various galleries as she found her paintings too heavy to lift and did not want to wait for her husband to arrive home from work to help her lift her canvases.

Echoes of Harlem 1980 photo Artsynet

Street Story 1985 This a quilt that features her house in Harlem, 222 West 146th Street. It also shows the burned-out houses of her neighbours after the civil rights rioting took place.

Street Story 1985, photo metmuseum.org

 Sonny’s Quilt 1986 This quilt depicts her legendary neighbour saxophonist Sonny Rollins who would practice playing his tenor saxophone on the Brooklyn bridge to get away from complaining residents.

Sonny’s Quilt 1986, photo Artsynet

 Tar Beach 1988 This quilt depicts the hot summers of Faith Ringgold’s childhood, no one had air conditioning and the families of Harlem could not afford holidays so instead they would use the roofs of the apartment blocks to get away from the stifling heat of the city. This was as a place to spend recreational time. They called it Tar Beach. Families would gather with friends and neighbour’s, children would fall asleep under the stars as the adults played card games, listened to music and told stories passed down for generations. This quilt captures the magic she felt on the roof top, the George Washington bridge in the background, the stars above their heads.

 Tar beach1988, photo Artsynet

 When Faith was a child, she was sick much of the time with asthma so consequently spent a great deal of her time absent from school, the roof top was where her fashion designer mother Willy taught her to sew. On the days that she was well enough her mother would take her to the theatre to watch Jazz performances, these are portrayed in later story quilts.

Harlem reflects heavily in Ringgold’s work, from the connection and love she felt with friends and family to the outpouring of rage, despair and inequality felt by the Black community at the time. She used her work to depict the political tensions on the streets of New York.

To find out more about Faith Ringgold’s extraordinary life and works of art including paintings, books, and many more quilts please start by taking a look here www.faithringgold.com  

   Tracey Emin, Everyone I Have Ever Slept With 1963–1995

Photograph Wordpress

 Tracey Emin is a British artist most associated with the art movement of the late 1980’s early 1990’s in London called the Young British Artists or YBA’s, with most of the artists graduating from Goldsmiths or the Royal Collage of Art.

Emin hand stitched and appliqued over 100 names of everyone she had ever slept with up until this point on a tent. The tent filled her small living room floor for six months whilst she worked on it, having to put her television inside it to fit it in the room.

I find this piece fascinating for a number of reasons, firstly the way the media reacted to it. The Tent as it is sometimes known, got such bad press as I think it was just too much information about Emin’s sexuality and private life for most of the general public, jumping to the hasty conclusion that all the names in and on the tent were sexual partners when in fact the literal meaning of the word ‘slept’ in the title was including all the people she had ever fallen asleep in the same place as, names included her Grandmother who she used to fall asleep besides listening to the radio, her teddy bear, two unnamed aborted foetuses and school friends. Of course, Emin had the names of past and present lovers and one-night stands in there also, but the deliberately provocative title of the piece meant that people jumped to their own conclusions without considering that there may be names of people in there with innocent connotations.

Photograph Wordpress

 The second reason I like this installation is because it reminds me of Duchamp’s ‘Readymades’. Emin has taken a mass-produced boring plain two-man tent and added something to make it extraordinary, and thought provoking. So, I find myself thinking would it be as striking and controversial if it wasn’t for Tracey Emins brash, eccentric, feisty and at times unpredictable personality? After all it is just a tent with some names sewn on.

The Tent was first shown at Minky Manky at the South London Gallery and the brainchild of Carl Freedman (who Emin was in a relationship with at the time) He was a friend and collaborator of Damien Hirst who also exhibited in the gallery along with YBA’s such as Sarah Lucas and Gilbert and George. This gave Emins work a much-needed boost as she was not as well-known at this point.

Emin tells Widewalls ‘At that time Sarah (Lucas) was quite famous, but I wasn't at all. Carl said to me that I should make some big work as he thought the small-scale stuff I was doing at the time wouldn't stand up well. I was furious. Making that work was my way at getting back at him. One review was really funny, the journalist had written something like 'She's slept with everyone – even the curator'!

Charles Saatchi the well-known art collector, Gallery owner and wealthy patron of Hirst and many of the YBA’s wanted to buy The Tent but Emin wouldn’t sell it to him due to his advertising work for Thatcher administration. Saatchi eventually bought it on the secondary market from another dealer and put it into his storage facility at the East London Momart warehouse where it was destroyed by fire along with many other valuable pieces of art.

In 2008 during her Edinburgh retrospective show, Emin claimed that she was offered £1 million by the Saatchi Gallery to rebuilt The Tent, but that she cannot do it since it was very personally despite the fact she recreated few smaller pieces for that show. (Widewalls 2020)

To find more about Tracey Emin’s tent watch this short clip https://www.widewalls.ch/magazine/tracey-emin-everyone-i-have-ever-slept-with

 Eve Provost Chartrand

In mid-February we had a guest lecture by the Canadian artist Eve Chartrand, I found her work quite disturbing to look at at first, her organic matter looking creations that incorporate teeth, wax, fabric and living fungi can look like something out of a horror film. But then listening to what motivated her to produce her works really resonated with me.

Chartrand has been observing in her art how ‘she experienced first-hand how disabled and “disgraceful” bodies trigger unease, contempt, and/or indifference, even violence. Living in a culture that equates old age with disease and decline (Calasanti 2005) compelled me to find ways to resist and transgress such discriminative gazes’.

As a woman of 44 I can tell you that I am treated differently now to how I was treated in my 20’s. It is like you become invisible or perhaps treated as a slight inconvenience, like your opinion does not count as you are not young. How the adverts on television are reminding you that you must not age, to stay thin and retain the appearance of a perpetual twenty something with long thick lustrous pigmented hair, wrinkle free and with the perfect figure. And the cruel reality is as you start to feel the most comfortable with yourself that’s when your body starts to age and diminish the youthful lustre it once held. When did it become the norm for the media to tell us that the aging process is not acceptable, beautiful or inevitable? Is the media the new male gaze?

Chartrand’s work challenges the viewer to see beauty in ageing, unconventional bodies, frailty and diversity.

 Chartrand’s work entitled ‘Is there anybody home?’ was inspired by losing elderly relatives, witnessing the aging process and using childhood memories to create sculptures that conveyed the smells, tastes, vibrations of previous experiences. This body of work particularly stuck a chord with me as I have elderly parents and recently lost a most beloved Aunt, Chartrands work made me think about what I hold dear and after my loved ones have gone what would I have to remember them by.

Is There Any Body Home? Specimen #5: A Hair Brush. 2018 Eve Provost Chartrand

 Chartrand explained in her lecture that she made this after rummaging through a box of mementos and keepsakes of her Grandmother who she was afraid of when she was a child. The poetry is typed on velum to mimic the fragility of aging skin mirroring it with a slightly translucent quality.

The bacteria grown in the petri dish was taken from a swab of Chartrand’s Grandmothers 80 year old hair brush. The idea that you can resurrect a living organism (all be it bacteria) from a relative or loved one’s belongings I find fascinating and macabre at the same time. The thought is comforting to me that even when someone is long gone a part of that person still remain and can bloom into life once more.

Is There Any Body Home? Specimen #2: Dentures. 2018 Eve Provost Chartrand

 Find more of Chartrands work here https://www.eveprovostchartrand.com/

  Andy Goldsworthy

Andy Goldsworthy is a site-specific artist who works outdoors with natural found materials such as leaves, twigs, rocks, ice and water. He uses these materials to compliment the landscape and documents the breakdown or decay of the installations by photographing them at different stages. His work is none permanent and open to elements which give them a fleeting beauty.

“It's not about art,” It's just about life and the need to understand that a lot of things in life do not last.” He told the Guardian

Photograph by Artsynet  

 Instead of using canvas, paints, clay, tools and other traditional artist materials Goldsworthy instead opts for what nature provides him. Choosing not to paint landscapes but rather paint on them, in them or around them, incorporating the seasons, the weather and the tides. Nothing he creates is permanent and every component as natural, even down to the thorns he uses to fix leaves in place.

Photograph Artsynet

 I think Goldsworthy’s art is particularly poignant at this current time. The global pandemic rendering travel out of the question so people have been able to explore the countryside around them, many of them for the first time. Busy lives, jobs, and schooling have us all on the giant treadmill of life, it has taken a catastrophic advent for all to slow down and enjoy walking in the countryside, local parks, gardens and shorelines of Britain, watching seasons come and go, watching nature in her great cycle realising that to take care of our earth provides a wonder for us all and our future generations.

Goldsworthy states in his book Passage ‘An artist makes things that become a focus for feelings and emotions - some personal, some public, some intended, some not. At best a work of art releases energy that is a shock to both the artist and the viewer – I do not mean shock in the conventional sense but an emotional tremor that articulates a feeling that has been in search of form’ (page 69)

The transience of Goldsworthy’s art can also be likened to the way that contemporary art is fleeting, what is considered to be contemporary at this present moment in time will undoubtedly be not what we would consider it to be in 10, 20 or 50-years’ time. Art that is created today is considered contemporary but all art was created ‘today’ that day and then we will have to find another name to call it, another category to fit it in to.

I have learned in the duration of completing this blog that I very much enjoy some contemporary art, I may need to do some research into the piece that I am looking at to understand the artists meaning behind their work, or that I may have to understand the actual artist and their background before I can fully appreciate what they are communicating, I know now that I will be slowing down in the contemporary art room in the Walker Art Gallery the next time I visit instead of rushing through, I will take time to read the information the galleries provide and continue to learn, who knows, maybe I will find a new passion I did not think possible.

[peach-jaehyunie]

Everybody Hurts

Pairing: Jaehyun x Reader, Jaehyun x OC

Genre: Polyamory, friends with benefits, angst, one-shot

Warnings: swearing, sexual situations, unhealthy friendship

Rating: 18+

Words: 3,490

Jaehyun is just a FWB, or that's what you tell yourself. Seeing other people is okay; you wanted to be uncommitted...right? When Jaehyun hooks up with someone you're close to bad memories gradually resurface.

A/N: Not sure how I feel about this one...just needed to get some angst off my chest.

Friends with benefits. Fuck buddies. Keeping it casual. Amid a busy work schedule, a desire to be uncommitted until you were sure, and a burgeoning sex drive your love life consisted of booty calls. There were only about 3 regulars: people you went out with, spent time with, and, yes, at the end (or sometimes the beginning) of the night had sex with. Spending the night was optional but comfortable. None of them knew each other, but they knew of the other’s existence.

You kissed Maria goodbye, explaining that you couldn’t stay long because you needed to go home to be with your roommate who was going through a bad break up. On the way home, you went to a bakery and bought some sweets to take to Lara, as well as ordering her favourite meal to be delivered to your shared apartment.

Lara hadn’t texted you, but she should have been home from work by now you thought as you climbed the stairs to the 4th floor. You heard music playing as you unlocked the door and walked into your home—looking up to catch Jaehyun’s eyes as he was balls deep inside your roommate.

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” You quickly blurted out, feeling your face heat up uncomfortably, as you ducked out the door. Lara’s eyes never leaving you in your retreat.

You swallowed, trying to process what you had just seen.

“Food delivery,” a young woman called, waking you from your stupor outside your door.

“Thank you,” you said to her as she left.

You sat the food down, and the little confectionary box on top of it all outside the door. You could hear Lara and Jaehyun fucking. In a few minutes you were sitting in a deserted café, the barista was taking your order. You sat facing the window that overlooked the entrance of your apartment complex. It was your day off: you felt sore from rock climbing with Maria, you felt hungry thinking that you probably need that cake more than Lara right about now, but most of all you felt very shitty. Sure, you knew Jaehyun slept with other people, just as you did! But that had never, under any circumstance, prepared you for the day you would walk in on him shagging your roommate. Lara was also, technically, your best friend. You considered that she and Jaehyun have had sex on your couch, but you and Jaehyun never had. It was all okay though because it was just three consenting adults living their life how they please. No harm was done, no one was hurt (well, you were, but that would mean exploring feelings and circumstances you were unsure of). He did nothing wrong. The minutes seemed like hours as you waited for him to leave your house. After an hour you were worried that he might have decided to spend the night. You got up and paid for drinks, relieved to see Jaehyun exiting your apartment building when you next looked out the window. You hoped to find Lara in her room when you got home.

“Hey, sweetie,” she said to you as you walked in.

You internally grimaced seeing her sitting on the sofa—clothed now— drinking a steaming cup of tea. You forced yourself to smile at her.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” You decided to pretend that you didn’t walk in on anything earlier and you were just coming home to console her as originally planned.

“I’m...” a slow smile broke on her face “Actually feeling pretty good.”

Lara patted the seat next to her, and you sat down offering her a hug: she smelled like coconut shampoo and Jaehyun’s cologne. Was it selfish that you just wanted to be in your room right now?

“Oh! I have something for you,” she twisted around to grab an envelope off the coffee table. “Jaehyun dropped by to see you and give you this.”

You opened the envelope: two tickets to the theatre and a little note that read—

Happy early birthday! I know you wanted to see this and it premieres right before your birthday. There are two tickets, I hope you choose me as your date but it’s okay if you don’t.

-Jaehyun

He had signed a messy heart next to his name. You carefully returned the tickets and the note to the envelope.

“It’s a pair of tickets to a play for my birthday.” You told Lara in monotone.

“That’s so sweet! Y/N, when Jaehyun came over to see you, I was such a mess. I felt so bad that I was crying all over him, but I just couldn’t help it. He was so sweet though, and he really comforted me, it was so nice.”

Lara smiled and squeezed your hands. She hesitated before she went on, but she must have been encouraged by the fake smile you gave her.

“Agh, okay, I’m just gonna talk about it! I feel so much better after sleeping with him! I feel like I should maybe just see people casually like you guys do for a while. Just to get back out there, you know?”

No, you didn’t know. You didn’t have multiple relationships to try and break into the dating scene. To your chagrin, Lara began to talk about the sex. She told you all about how it happened (she had kissed him first, and how Jaehyun had been reluctant at first because she was going through a break up), and little things that he had done that her other lovers had never. You felt as if she spoke to you like you hadn’t had sex with Jaehyun multiple times a month for the past year and a half.

“That’s so wonderful, I’m glad you feel so much better. I’m always here if you’re not okay and just want to talk, okay?” You say to her as you part ways in the hallway to your separate rooms. Lies.

Your stomach hurts, maybe from not eating, maybe from feeling stepped on and looked over. You lay in bed, licking your proverbial wounds. “When Jaehyun came over to see you” Yeah, he came over to see me—not you, bitch.

Your stomach churned when you thought of a month ago when you had gotten drunk and told Lara how Jaehyun made you feel. You had told her that he was your favourite—not just in bed, but all around as a person he made you feel happy. You had said that you wanted to still see other people, but you always wanted to see Jaehyun most. She had asked if you loved him. “Of course” had been your reply. But it was not the same type of love that one is accustomed to reading in any two-lovers story. You were not two lovers, you were a myriad of lovers. Each one different, each one bringing something special to the table.

_________________________________

<<Thanks so much, let’s go together!>>

You texted Jaehyun when he asked if you had gotten the envelope. Lara walked around the apartment humming, checking her hair and slipping into her coat.

“You look really nice, where are you headed off to?” You ask her from the kitchen.

“I’m going over to Jaehyun’s, I didn’t want us to keep you up!” She laughed as if she had just been told a very funny joke and shut the front door behind her.

Was it because she was your roommate? Was it because she was your best friend? Why did you hate it so much that Jaehyun was sleeping with Lara. You thought of the model that Jaehyun sometimes saw—you had never met her, but you had seen her pictures in magazines; why didn’t you feel sad about her?

A few days later when you and Lara were watching movies and snacking you realized one reason why:

“Do you think...Jaehyun would ever commit to someone, like do you know if he exclusively dates?” She posed the question to you.

“He has in the past, so I don’t see why not.” You hear yourself say.

You were nothing more than a FWB, you knew that. Someday he was bound to move on with somebody else who was more ready to commit to a socially standard relationship than you.

On Thursday you and Jaehyun met for your usual lunch near work. It was the first time you had seen him since last week.

“Okay, so should we go out to dinner before or after the play on Saturday?”

“After will be kind of late, don’t you think?” You scowled for a second, “Actually, let’s skip dinner, you’re probably busy and I don’t want to take up your whole evening.”

“I’m not busy,” Jaehyun looks across the table at you.

You’re acting weird, and when he tries to put his hand on your knee below the table you pull away saying that the waiter is watching. You feel awful and sad for pushing him away because he did nothing wrong! That’s what you tell yourself every day: they did nothing wrong, but you’re wrong for being upset about it.

——————————————————

“You look really nice.” Jaehyun leans over to kiss you as you settle into the passenger seat. You turn your head at the last second and his lips connect with your cheek. If he is disappointed he hides it well.

“Thank you for this again, I’m really happy I get to see it.” You smile over at him, it feels like an apology and leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

It feels like a date...but it also doesn’t. The two of you have been on dates before and the atmosphere you have created is different. You hold him at a distance; a separation that had never been even when you first met. You and Jaehyun chat comfortably about the play and about your days during intermission, but you feel tension between the two of you.

“Did you like the ending?” You walk a step behind him, navigating your way down the icy steps into the parking garage.

“Yes, but they never said all that they felt. If they had communicated more they could have maybe saved themselves from some of the pain and arguing.” Jaehyun doesn’t say this quickly, he considers his words. You wonder if he’s just talking about the play.

“Not everyone communicates really well with everyone else; neither of them could really talk to the other honestly or in an environment where they actually felt like they were speaking and being heard.” You counter it’s sometimes too easy to see the flaws in another relationship and criticize it. The car unlocks, and with a press of a button from 15 steps away Jaehyun has it running.

“I’m hungry, are you sure you don’t want to go out to eat somewhere?” He looks over at you while putting on his seatbelt. “Or we could just go to my place and order food,”

“Um...” you can feel his eyes on you, waiting for an answer. “Let’s just,” you can’t go home with him; you knew Lara had been there many times now. “Go out and eat.”

Jaehyun nodded his head, “What do you have in mind?”

“Oh anything,” you shrugged.

“It’s your birthday present, you can choose anything you want.” He persists. You name the first thing that comes to mind for food, eager for this night to be over but also resenting that you’re not spending more time with him.

“Wait,” Jaehyun stops you as go to open the car door when he pulls up outside your building.

“What?” You turn your head and his lips meet yours. It lasts a few seconds, lips moving against one another and familiar heat builds in your body. You pull away from him, staring out the windshield: lost.

Jaehyun clears his throat, “What changed? What did I do?” He looks over at your profile.

“Lara’s my best friend,” you start, licking your lips and trying to come up with any plausible explanation. “And my roommate. And, ultimately, as much as I love her I don't wish to include her in my sex life.” Yeah, that was kinda part of the reason. What were you going to say; that it made you feel shitty?

“That’s it?” Jaehyun finally says.

“Yeah,” That’s it.

“Do you want me to not see her anymore?” He’s not looking at you anymore.

“No!” Yes. You fake a smile, “I want you and Lara and you and whoever to have a great time. But for me, Lara is a little too close to home. It makes me uncomfortable, so I’m removing myself from the equation.” You wave your hand as if the whole situation is really nothing to you. As if it hadn’t made you lose sleep.

“So you’re not asking me to choose between the two of you?”

“No!” You insist, he sounded annoyed when he just spoke.

“I don’t get how this is different from when it’s other people: I sleep with other people and you sleep with other people, and it’s never been a problem.” He says, suddenly sounding defensive.

“I’m sorry, but I’m not exactly passing myself out among your friends. I already told you it makes me uncomfortable, so I think I can choose not to fuck someone who’s fucking my best friend.” You jerk the car door open, nearly falling out as your foot missed the curb.

“So you are saying ‘choose between us’!” Jaehyun calls after you, opening his door as you slam yours.

“It’s just sex, Jaehyun!” You tell him shrilly. He stands by the driver's side door, watching as you try and hold it together on the small sidewalk. “You can get it anywhere and from anyone, and I just don’t want to anymore with you!” If you say another word tears will come.

“Nights like tonight? They were never ‘just sex’. Hanging out and talking was never about just sex. Our weekly lunches were never about sex at all! It was about us enjoying each other’s company, and finding each other attractive.” Jaehyun scuffs his shoes against the pavement, shaking his head and looking away from you for a moment before speaking again: “Or was that not how you saw it? If I stop—“

“No!” A coldness rises in your stomach, and your eyes burn as they become blurry with tears. “I don’t know what I want, but I know that Lara and I aren’t sleeping with the same guy again.” You sob, turning away and hurrying into your building.

In the elevator, you give over to the tears of humiliation, anger, but mostly self-pity. FWBs don’t ask you to stop hooking up with other FWBs—or at least not any that you know of. Cut the ties before you really get hurt. They’re not wrong, you’re just too attached. That’s what you remind yourself. That’s why Jaehyun was getting upset, you tried to reason.

“What happened?l Lara quickly says when you walk through the door with tears streaming down your face. It all felt like a bad movie, except it was your life.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong—“ Lara quickly got up off the couch to try and console you. No matter your rush she reaches you before you can slam your bedroom door behind yourself.

“Don’t touch me!” You cry, pushing her hands away “Learn to be unhappy for five minutes like the rest of us, you selfish bitch.”

As soon as you are alone in your room you sink to the floor, sobbing. They don’t ever choose you. At first, it was Minho in high school: he had been your crush over a year...and then Lara had slept with him. But you couldn’t blame that on Lara; Minho just didn’t like you that way. Or when you, Lara, and your at-the-time boyfriend, Peter, had all been living together and after about 5 months Lara came sobbing to you one night because she felt guilty about having been carrying on an affair with Peter for the last 2. But you couldn’t blame that on Lara: Peter had been a shitty boyfriend and preyed upon Lara’s emotional vulnerability at the time. Did you believe that? Or did you think that she might have thrown herself at them because she was feeling sorry for herself. Where her actions self-pity for the sake of self-pity, or sabotages of your happiness disguised as self-pity.

You laid on your bed, curling up plagued with painful memories of the past. Why did you sweep it under the rug every time? Maybe it was because Lara cried more, and begged for forgiveness while saying she felt so guilty and scared about losing you as a friend. No one else treated her with enough kindness, but she told you that you did. Maybe it was because she knew your every secret, and every misdeed and always accepted each one with open and loving arms.

“It’s not fair,” you mutter to yourself, straggling tears running down your face. Lara’s pain was always treated as more painful. When she was hurt, somehow you would always get hurt too. She couldn’t be alone or unloved, but if you felt that way it was okay as long as someone was with Lara and she was loved and given attention. It felt twisted, but losing Lara felt like losing part of yourself. You would apologize for calling her a ‘selfish bitch’ and she would cry telling you how much you hurt her.

...And once again, your feelings would be kept to yourself because maybe if you told Lara how she made you feel you would hurt her. That was the crazy thing, even your feelings would be made about her.

—————————————————

You love your days and nights with Maria and Junha, but it’s not the same without Jaehyun. You miss him: the lunch dates, the regular dates, talking about shared interests.

Lara decides the casual sex isn’t for her soon after you tell her that you’re not seeing Jaehyun anymore. The convenient timing of this admission leaves you bitter. At least she could have made your pain and inner turmoil worthwhile and seen him for a few more weeks. It’s a bad circus trick, and you’re the sad clown that nobody likes, or wants to look at. You spend your days trying to make up for saying hurtful things to Lara. She says she’s sorry and didn’t mean to hurt your friendship or relationship with Jaehyun. You’re not sure whether or not to believe her anymore. You want boundaries in your friendship. The unhealthiness of the relationship between you and Lara was gradually eating away at you.

——————————————————-

It’s a Tuesday in March when you’re sitting in a familiar restaurant eating a familiar lunch. Your phone dings: a text from Lara of photos of her dinner last night with a friend from work.

“Is this seat taken?” A familiar voice asks.

Jaehyun gestures to the chair across from you, his expression soft and hopeful.

“No—it’s not taken.” The moments before you spoke you felt as if you hadn’t breathed. Your lungs welcome air after the shock of seeing him again—it shouldn’t be a shock; this was a familiar place for both of you. He had sat in that chair at this table, across from you before.

The waiter brings a side dish that you ordered.

“Will you be having anything?” They ask Jaehyun. Jaehyun’s eyes search for yours, and you give him an almost imperceptible nod of your head. Jaehyun waits for you to finish eating before he speaks; you can’t avoid his questions by chewing. Not that you want to avoid them, but sometimes you weren’t sure how you felt anymore.

“How have you been?” He’s slightly tense, which is a rarity.

“Very well, and you?” Very formal, and colder than you had meant to be.

“Fine,” there’s an awkward silence. You can tell he wants to say something, but he distracts himself with eating for a moment. He looks as if he has decided to speak again, but changes his mind at the last minute.

“I, um...l—“ Jaehyun mumbles something into his bowl.

“What?” The word falls lightly from your lips, not wanting to mishear him.

“I chose you.” He looks across at you. A frown forms by habit on his face and he must realize because he quickly changed his expression to something more stoic.

He must be waiting for you to speak, but you don’t. You don’t know what you feel, you don’t know how much is okay to feel. No one had ever chosen you; what happened now? Did you choose him back?

“I wanted you to ask me to choose you; I wanted you to say you wanted me, too. I called Lara up the day after and told her that she and I couldn’t see each other again.”

“You broke it off with Lara?” You’re a bit stunned, had she lied about that?

“I still choose you.”

#jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun fanfic #jung jaehyun #jaehyun smut #jaehyun nct #jung yuno #jaehyun angst #nct angst #jaehyun fwb #nct scenarios

[blu-joons]

BTS Reaction: Their S/O Gets In A Bad Accident

Jin:

The music blared through the speakers of the studio, the boys perfecting their final pieces of choreography. Namjoon told them all to take a break, Jin heading over to his bag, picking up his phone and a bottle of water. He began his new level on his game, only for it to be disturbed by an unknown number calling. “Hello?”

“Hello? Is this a Mr Kim Seokjin?” Of course, Jin replied with a yes, incredibly worried as to what was going on. He didn’t know who the person was, or what they wanted from him. “You’re down as Y/N’s emergency contact, I’m calling to let you know she’s been in an accident as is currently in a critical state.”

His phone fell to the phone. Surely they’d got the wrong person? Just two hours ago he’d spoken to you on the phone as you made your way to work. Jimin was quick to notice, picking Jin’s phone up, continuing the conversation before hanging up.

“Come on,” he encouraged Jin, picking up his car keys, “I’ll drive.” All the other boys were deserted, the car ride silent on Jin’s side. Jimin continued to reassure Jin it was all just precaution, and that you’d be fine, but those two words kept repeating in Jin’s head. Critical state.

The car didn’t even have time to stop before Jin ran in, demanding from the reception to know which room you were in. He sprinted down once he had been informed, stopping just before the door to your room. He took a deep breath, cracking the door to see your body.

The sound was enough to alert you, your eyes fluttering open to see him walking through the door. “You’re here,” you smiled, waving slightly.

“Oh baby, I’m so sorry this has happened to you. I promise I’m not going anywhere, you are going to be just fine.”

Yoongi:

It had felt like forever, as Yoongi sat and watched your body lay. Your eyes were shut, mouth slightly ajar, body numb. He had never moved so quickly then when he got the call to say that you were in hospital. His heart was pounding knowing that even if you weren’t aware, he needed to be there.

He continued to talk to you in the hope you’d hear, reminding you he loved you. “Come on gorgeous, I know you’re tired, but just give me a sign that things are okay.” The doctors had warned him it would take a day or two for you to come round after suffering from a seizure at work.

Yoongi never let his spot beside you, waiting for you at every moment. His hand always held yours, which is how he knew after two days, things were getting better. Lightly, your hand squeezed his, your eyes slowly opening.

“You’re awake!” Yoongi sighed with relief, bringing your hand up to kiss the back of it. “I was so worried about you.”

It took you a moment to realise your surroundings, but your eyes were drawn to the hot tears that rolled down his cheeks. “Are you crying?”

“No.” You chuckled, wiping his tears away from him. “Maybe, but you can’t blame me, I’m just really happy to see you awake. I’ve been sat here for two days just hoping that you’d come round, I’ve never left your side once. I don’t tell you enough, but I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” You pulled him down for a hug, pretending to sniff his shoulder. “I thought you smelt funny, when was the last time you showered.”

He pulled back, nudging your arm, “I will go home and shower tonight now that I know you’re going to be fine if my smell offends you that much.”

“Oh be quiet and kiss me already.”

Hoseok:

The boys all gathered around Hobi as he waited to hear your how your operation had gone. You’d somehow managed to damage your shoulder, breaking a few of the bones requiring a long stint in the operation theatre. Hobi understood, but it still terrified him the thought of you all alone whilst the doctors tried to heal you up.

“Hobi, she’ll be out soon.” Jin was quick to notice his nerves building, his foot tapping on the floor. “She’s in safe hands.” Hobi nodded, paying attention to his hyung. Of course, you were fine, these were professionals, but that didn’t mean he was concerned that something could go wrong.

Eventually, your nurse appeared in the waiting room, calling him through to come and see you. He looked back at the boys who all sat down, giving them questionable glances. “She needs you, not us,” Namjoon informed him, “come and grab us when you two are ready, you need some time alone first.”

Without his members, Hobi could feel himself crumbling as he walked into your room. You were awake, a big cheesy smile on his face. Yet, his eyes were drawn to the big cast and sling on your arm. “Don’t,” you warned, already knowing what was going through his mind.

“Sorry sunshine, I know you’re alright.” He walked over to you, scattering a few kisses all over your face. “I leave you alone for five minutes and you manage to end yourself up in hospital, how do you do it?”

“Maybe Joon isn’t the clumsiest person you know after all.” Instantly his familiar, infectious laugh emerged, Hobi soon found himself relaxing as he saw how well you were doing. You hadn’t lost your sense of humour, that was for sure.

“I reckon you’d have to break a few more bones yet to get anywhere near the Namjoon end of the clumsy spectrum.”

Namjoon:

His heart stopped as he made his way into the hospital entrance. Namjoon had no idea what to prepare himself for, all he knew was that you’d been in a car crash, and that he needed to get down to be there for you. You’d stormed off after a row, driving to one of your friend’s house, when a car came through a red light, swerving into you. No one seemed to be able to give him any details until he found your doctor. “What’s wrong, is she okay?”

“She will be, she has a few scrapes, I think she’s a bit shaken, but a cuddle from her boyfriend will definitely make her happy again.” With that being said, Namjoon walked straight into your room. You were lost in a book, unaware of the door even opening.

He walked beside you, clearing his throat, finally capturing your attention. “Hey, you,” he whispered, pressing a soft kiss to your lips.

“You came?” You responded, closing your book, placing it on the lap tray you had.

“Y/N, you were in a car accident, I was terrified, of course I came to see you, I shouldn’t have let you drive off like that, I should have tried to make things better. I promise I will never argue with you again, ever.”

“It doesn’t matter now Joon, every couple argues, no one could have predicted that this would happen. It just means I’ve got an excuse to make you do everything for me now and look after me.” He chuckled, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. It was only then did he take in the scratches on your face from the shattered glass, kissing the bottom of the band aid.

“I’ll be keeping extra care of you babe, and I will definitely not be letting you anywhere near any cars anytime soon.”

“Does that mean you’ll learn to drive?”

He chuckled, but shook his head. “For your safety, and everyone else’s safety, absolutely not.”

Jimin:

Pacing the hospital floor, Jimin had never felt so hopeless. His hands continued to run through his hair, as single tears rolled down his cheek. He had no idea how you were, or how you were getting on, no matter how much he persisted the nurses.

Just a couple of hours ago he’d received a phone call at work to say you were in hospital after suffering nasty fall at work. He didn’t even know what was wrong, no one seemed to be able to tell him anything. The boys had accompanied him to the hospital, desperate to keep their eyes on him.

“Why can’t anyone tell me what’s going on?” He cried out. Namjoon, his leader, walked over to him, throwing an arm around his shoulders. “I just want to know she’s okay.”

“I know you do Chim, but Y/N is so strong she can pull through whatever, I’m sure she’ll be out really soon. Just stay calm for her, the last thing she needs when she sees you is to see you upset, she’ll want to see you smiling.” Jimin nodded, allowing Namjoon to guide him over to the row of seats.

And soon you were out, being wheeled through the corridor, your body still unconscious from the anaesthesia. The boys all stayed seated as Jimin stood up, frowning as he saw your body pass by him.  He noticed your leg in heavy plaster, presumably where your injury was.

“Can I come in with you?” He asked one of the nurses who followed behind, a clipboard of your notes in her hand. She looked up, smiling widely at Jimin, nodding her head.

He didn’t need telling twice as he walked into your room, coming up beside you, taking your hand in his. He patiently waited until you came round, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “I’m so glad you’re alright my love, I’m sorry I couldn’t have got here sooner.”

“It doesn’t matter Jiminie, you’re here now.”

Taehyung:

You struggled to adjust the bright walls and lights that greeted you as your eyes opened. The space you were in was alarmingly quiet, there was no noise at all, with the acceptance of your sleeping boyfriend beside you, little snores escaping. His hand rested on top of yours, head tilted back in the chair he sat in.

You slid your hand out of his, brushing his red locks out of his face. The familiar touch was enough for his eyes to flutter open, widening when they saw you looking back at them. He grabbed a hold of your hand again, kissing each of your knuckles.

“There you are! How are you? Can I get you anything? Are you feeling alright? Of course you aren’t.” Tae hit you with plenty of questions, almost forgetting to breathe.

“I’m fine,” you assured him, “just calm yourself down for a moment otherwise you’ll end up in hospital.” He frowned, watching you shuffle along the bed, patting the space beside you.

He was apprehensive to begin with, but soon chose to sit beside you, wrapping you in his arms. “Alright, just one question, how are you?”

“I’ve been better,” you teased. Tae sighed, kissing the top of your head, silently pleading for you to be serious, he needed to hear you say it. “But, I’m fine, just a little tired, but I’m feeling okay.”

“I was really worried about you, I’m sorry this had to happen to you.”

He had set there for hours contemplating his own thoughts, silently praying that he could swap places with you. “Tae, I love you, but I’m going to be fine, a few days I’ll be out of here and at home for you to take care of.”

“I’ve already booked the time off from work to be able to spend as much time with you as possible.”

“Tae- “

“-no arguments darling, I’m staying with you until you are back to full health.”

Jungkook:

His eyes were fixated on you as you shuffled slightly as you lay on the uncomfortable hospital bed. Once you were settled you couldn’t help but chuckle, looking across at his face. “I’m fine Jungkook,” you assured him, intertwining your hand with his. Any small movement terrified him that you were in pain or unsettled. He’d barely left your side since you were admitted into the hospital. “Stop worrying.”

Naturally, Jungkook worried immensely for you, he was doing everything for you, taking care of you, bringing you lots of snacks and treats. After hearing you’d been caught in the middle of a fight, his mind feared the worst until he got to the hospital to see you.

“Easy for you to say,” he mumbled, looking down to the ground.

“Hey!” You reached up, bringing his face across so his dark eyes looked across at you. “I appreciate your concern, but I’m fine. I’m alive, I’ve got a few bruises and sprains, I’ve not even broken anything, it’s not that bad.”

He nodded, moving across to perch on the end of your bed. His other hand grazed lightly across the few bruises that were exposed along your shins, where the gown didn’t quite cover. “I know it could have been a lot worse, it’s just shook me up to see you this way, if I could take away your pain I would, I’m just finding it hard.”

You chuckled, pressing a few kisses to his shoulder. “You’re the sweetest, but I promise you, in a couple of days I’ll be up running about, just like I used to.”

“Absolutely not, you are on bed rest for weeks when we get home, not until every last inch of your perfect skin is bruise free and painless.” You could see him smirking, but he was also very serious, you weren’t going to be let out of his sight for a long time.

“We’ll see.”

---

Masterlist

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[cherrybloomn]

Delicate - Chapter 3

Note: ok Chapter 3 is here. Your opinion is always welcomed (criticism included!). Its my first stoey ever so please be kind. I know I have much to work on, but I hope that it will get better and better.

I would like to thank very (VERY) much @musings-sans-muse and @shellbilee for your support, help, ideas, everything! You girls rock!!

Thank you @oddsnendsfanfics for your encouragement!

Warnings: swearing

April 2020

 

Naomi spent the whole March shooting her show in Berlin (as there was a theatre festival) and preparing the charity event for children. She managed to schedule everything– the place (Hyde Park), the catering, the guests. Obviously, everything was cancelled due to coronavirus restrictions. Everyone was forbidden to go to the tv studio, so Naomi worked on the new scripts of the episodes, watched movies, wrote reviews of new plays, etc.

Since their last lunch, Naomi had been regularly in touch with Henry, mostly via WhatsApp. They have met a couple of times. The more she talked with him, the more she liked him. He made her laugh. But not only that. He seemed to care about others, yet had this reasonable attitude - often saying that you can’t change the world alone.

She valued him for being the voice of reason. They have known each other for only two months, yet she told him a lot about her family and difficult relationship with her father (who was a real - life spitting image of Logan Roy from The Succession), her issues with James, her weird fascinations of criminal stories about murderers and disappearances and the II World War.

One day she had just come home and put the groceries on the kitchen island, when her phone buzzed. She picked up the video call. Henry. The thought of seeing his face and talking to him always shifted her mood. “Hello boy. Give me a moment I need to wash my hands. I’ve just been out in a bad, bad store.” She giggled and headed to the bathroom with her phone, placing it next to the sink.

“Of course. I can see your tits now, by the way. No worries though, I enjoy the view.” He chuckled lightly. Naomi rolled her eyes and quickly moved the phone to the higher counter. She took a minute to study Henry’s face. Something was off. She couldn’t tell if he looked sad or tired. It was off though. She was wondering why. In this very moment she also realized that he was one of very few people, who were… important to her. Not in a romantic kind of way. No. Naomi didn’t date, she didn’t want to build a relationship with any man, not anymore. Still, he was important. 

“Helloo..” Henry waved his hand from the other side of the screen.

“I’m sorry. I thought of my round, perfect, little tits. Changing the awkward subject, how are you doing in times of isolation? You look tired. Is everything ok?” Naomi dried her hands with a towel, grabbed her phone and headed to the kitchen. She placed her phone on the kitchen island, leant on her elbows and focused on the phone screen.

“I’m fine. A bit anxious I think. Not my best day today. That’s why I’m calling. I expect to hear some entertaining story about your crazy childhood.”

She laughed, and thought for a moment. “I’m not in the mood today. You know, I almost got a role in the Moulin Rouge musical in the Old Vic. I mean I did get the part of Satine, and I was so excited, as it would be my debut after all these years. Unfortunately, they called today that due to the lockdown, the project has been entirely called off.” She shrugged “At least Netflix doesn’t disappoint. There’s the Money Heist premiere today.”

After a second she added “Join me today! Look I know it’s illegal, alright? But I can promise we will keep the two – meter distance. I can offer you good whiskey and whatever meal the chosen restaurant could provide. Except for pizza and other carbo shit. I’m on a low-carbo diet. You know I’d love to say I’m one of those women who can eat everything because they’re so cool and don’t care about their looks or have a wonderful metabolism. But unfortunately, I’m not them. My metabolism is my enemy and I do fucking care about how I look because the CEO of BBN asks about my weight like once a month.” She smiled at him “So, take it or leave it.”

“I take it. I can cook something if you want. Oh, can I take Kal with me?”

“Cooking – ok. Sounds cool. Kal – Henry, in general of course. But you need to keep in mind I’ve got two Pomeranians – and as much as they love people and small dogs, they sometimes hate the big ones. So, bring Kal with you and in case there’s war, I’ll take Marilyn and Audrey to my neighbor.”

They discussed the details about the dogs’ meeting and decided to meet at 6 pm. Naomi took her time to call her mum and friends, take her dogs for a walk and take a shower. Afterwards she applied a bit of makeup, put on her black Nike leggings and white tank top. She let her hair loose so that it could dry quickly. Just after she poured herself a glass of water, her phone buzzed and Henry informed, he’s waiting outside with Kal. Naomi called her dogs and all of them headed to the small park near her apartment. Naomi couldn’t stop laughing when she spotted Henry with the Salvador Dali mask on – a kind of tribute to Money Heist, which they were going to watch.

Unfortunately, just as Naomi thought, there was no love between Kal and Marylin. At least Audrey accepted the big bear immediately. Naomi decided to take Marylin to her neighbor, and the rest of them headed to her place.

Much to Naomi’s surprise, Henry cooked a delicious dinner, and they spent the whole evening watching five episodes of the Netflix series. Being her kittenish self, Naomi gently touched Henry’s knee with her toes from time to time. “Heey… relax.” She said with a smile. “I can tell you something nice, wanna hear?”

Henry raised his eyebrow and looked at her with a smirk “Go on, entertain me.” He gently rubbed her ankle with one hand, the other one was supported on the back of the sofa.

“Alright..” Naomi closed her eyes for a moment and enjoyed the delicate massage. Finally she looked him in the eyes. She smiled shyly and turned her face away, “Henry.. Do remind me please, is your dad a boxer?” She asked coyly.

Henry seemed a bit puzzled “No, no. Have I ever said that he was?”

“Well no...but damn, I’m asking because you’re such a knockout!”.

They both burst out with laughter.

“What a cheesy pickup line, I love it! Where do you know that from?”

Naomi started to play with her hair “Well, it happens to me all the time” she joked. “It’s nice to see you laughing.” She added after a second.

At around 3 a.m. they decided it was really late, so they were to terminate their evening with just one glass of Jack Daniels (due to her diet Naomi didn’t drink alcohol, but promised to have a goodbye drink).

Naomi brought two glasses to the living room and sat on the sofa. Henry was sitting on the opposite side. Once Naomi extended her hand and handled him a glass of whiskey, he slowly grabbed the glass with one hand and held her wrist with another. “What a massive rock!” He said, looking closely at her two - carat diamond engagement ring. He gently caressed her knuckles with his thumb. His touch, ever so gentle made Naomi shiver. Something about it felt so wrong and so right at the same time. “Has James proposed to you? I had no idea”. Henry let go of her hand and supported himself on the back of the sofa.

 “No, of course not. It’s an engagement ring I was given by my husband. I often wear it.” Naomi didn’t like to talk about her marriage with anyone. She felt very comfortable with Henry and they talked about many personal things, but she never mentioned her married life.

Henry slowly nodded. “You never talk about your marriage.” He took a sip of his drink and after a couple of seconds asked “Do you still love him?”

Naomi zoned out for a second, focusing her eyes on the floor. Her hand tried to retrace Henry’s touch on her knuckles. This touch. So delicate. It was one of the most intimate moments she’s ever experienced. Why was it so intimate - she didn’t know. She had had a lot of sex lately. Mostly with James. James never touched her this way. Why? Why had nobody ever touched her this way, she thought.

“Naomi.” Henry’s low, but soft voice snatched her out of her thoughts. She looked at him with slightly parted lips. What were they talking about? Oh, right. Her ex-husband.

“Do I love my husband? Because I wear the engagement ring? No. Not at all. I just love expensive jewellery with big diamonds.” She chuckled looking at her engagement ring. “That’s the secret. But no. I have no feelings for my ex - husband. As for why I don’t talk about my marriage, there’s just nothing to talk about. I was 20, he was 34 at that time we got married. I wanted to be an actress, he was a serious entrepreneur. I wanted to run away from my mum, who was trying to take over my whole life, and he was looking for a young woman to build a home with. At some point it didn’t work out. We had a nasty divorce and division of assets. He then moved to Moscow, and as far as I know he still lives there. The end.”

Naomi refilled Henry’s glass with whisky, Naomi willed herself to focus back on the conversation and not on the ghost of his touch that lingered on her skin. “What about your love life, Mr. One Hundred Questions to Naomi Poesy?” She asked and winked at him.

“You know how it is Naomi. It’s just hard to get involved with someone, if you have this kind of job. It’s all about either accepting my schedule and traveling with me, or building a long – distance relationship. It hardly ever works. Also…”

Naomi suddenly held her right hand up in a stop gesture. “I’m sorry, but I just have to interrupt here. That sounds like you’re trying to find a justification. I mean – and I’m really sorry for sharing my opinion unasked – but building any relationship is hard in general. Do you really think your situation is any different from a situation of CEOS or anyone who has a career, money and power? The scale may be different but the issues are all the same. I mean a CEO of a big insurance company does have the very same problems. He asks the same questions - if his new other half is with him because of his status, money, position or because she’s in love. And the schedule thing – sure it’s hard to build a relationship when you’re on the set for a couple of months and it literally consumes all of your time. Trust me though, it’s not easier if you work as a physician or a lawyer, or if you work in a big tv corporation like I do. Instead of being on the set for a couple of months, people work their asses off every day, because they have loans to pay, plans to realize. And they usually don’t have any breaks. The fact that you get back home to your other half after 9 pm does not necessarily make your relationship better. It’s just the matter of what you’re expecting from a relationship.”

Henry just nodded and added after a moment “I just want to have a family of my own.”

“Well. But this is not the answer to the question of what you are expecting from a relationship. I mean, obviously everyone wants to start a family. The question is – what does it mean to you? Some want to start a family because they hate to be lonely, some feel like they need to take care of others, and some just feel like it makes them feel complete. You know sometimes you meet the person you resonate with, you feel the great chemistry with, but it just doesn’t work because of lots of other factors like the timing, circumstances etc. So, what I mean is that you really need to know what you expect from your partner so that you can fight for it.” She thought about what she said for a minute “Hm.. it sounded much wiser in my head before I verbalized it.”

Henry laughed and looked her in the eyes licking his lips. That gentle touch. After a few seconds of glancing at each other she smiled at him and shyly turned her face away. “Ok, enough. Don’t try to charm me here.” She grabbed her phone from the coffee table. “Man, it’s 4 am! I’m not surprised I’m bubbling something half intelligent. I should be sleeping already, I have promised to help Sarah tomorrow morning. This morning. If you want to you can stay, I have a guest room and a spare toothbrush.”

“Thank you, but I guess I better get back home.” He grabbed his phone and ordered an Uber. “I just have to say” he started as they both stood up and headed towards the hall. “You are so tiny without high heels!”

She laughed “No shit Sherlock.”

“No, but seriously. I wanted to say” he stopped there and looked at Kal. It seemed like he was fighting with his thoughts whether to verbalize what he wanted to say or not. “I really like spending time with you.”

Naomi crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t date Cavill.” She said with a smile.

Henry just nodded and leaned towards her, so close that their faces were just inches away, and said “Well, pity.” He chuckled and leaned even closer to give her a goodbye kiss on a cheek “Bye, girl. Get some sleep.” He then took a step away and called for Kal, who was already bouncing on his legs ready to go.

Naomi reached to open the front door for them, but instead of doing it, she turned towards Henry and leaned against the door. She noticed his clenched jaw, then placed her eyes on his lips and eyes. She slowly grabbed the drawstring of his hood with her right hand and wrapped it around her fingers. “Hey.. I don’t, but what would you do if I did date…?” she asked playfully. She bit her bottom lip in anticipation.

“Naomi..” Henry smiled lightly at her, and tenderly touched her cheek, moving his fingers from her cheekbone through her lips to her chin. He was slowly studying her face. Naomi looked at him stunned, her lips parted, she was not expecting that.

“I’m 37. I’m too old to play this game. Please, don’t play with me.” He stroked her cheek once more with his index finger and stepped back. He fastened Kal’s leash. In the meantime Naomi unlocked the door and moved back.

“Goodbye” He gave her a warm smile and left.

Naomi quickly closed the door and tried to understand what had just happened. She felt all the emotions at once - arousal, humiliation, sadness, anger, happiness. She brushed her fingers through her cheek. That gentle touch. She took a deep breath. In her entire life Naomi had always been the “tough guy” - first in ballet school, at home, when her mother suffered from depression, and Naomi had to take care of her mother and her brother, then drama school. Establishing her position in television was not easy either. Oh, and her marriage. She was just a girl when she got married and her older husband always knew better. The random men she fucked after she got divorced. James. They all wanted to have her, possess her. And she kind of liked it. It made her feel attractive and in charge. But that touch was somethings new.

Naomi felt the tears welling in her eyes, as if for the first time in her life, she experienced such a gentle touch. And it felt so good.

#henry cavill #henry cavill x other female character #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill fanfiction #slow build