thewhizzyhead

[thewhizzyhead]

anyways on this episode of izzy's gender fuckery crisis we have this update: oki so like being referred to as a girl and solely a girl and being forced to be feminine because "syempre babae ka kailangan ka maging babae (ofc since u r a girl u have to act like one)" irritates me to death. Other modes of feminine presentation aka skirts and dresses and anything that makes me appear too much of a feminine person also legitimately SCARES ME TO DEATH especially when I'm forced to do so.

however, that being said, upon further introspection on the chick i once really really liked that is now presenting more masc than ever, I have realised that I am not too comfy presenting myself as too masc either. like, I don't want people to look at me and perceive me as a duuuuude , but I don't want to present myself too femininely either as it legitimately makes my skin crawl. like, I find myself comfy in men's clothes and styling but if I imagine/see myself presenting way too much like a man, then I feel very weird and not in a good way - which is weird kasi I thought I would like being more masc presenting given my absolute panic attack-inducing aversion to appearing typically feminine. So anyways the gist is androgyny is my best friend and I would rather be perceived as a blob than as a specific gender

#like fjdj LOOK THIS STARTED WITH TWO THINGS: #a.) the chick i once really liked becoming more masc leaning by the hour #and b.) eloise davies. please do visit her instagram and you'll see what i mean #so like i've figured out my type and its once-femme-presenting women embracing more of their masc side #but while looking at eloise's insta page i thought to myself: oki so like eloise's clothing style screams comfort to you #but do you wanna dress like them in public though #like do i want the world to perceive me as more masc #because like i certainly dont wanna be perceived as typically feminine #so like shouldn't i be more comfy and more accepting of myself if i stylized myself more masculinely and everything #and um the answer to that is no because i feel weird either way like fjdnd #its like i look into the mirrors with both versions on display and yet both say the same thing: this isn't you #like its like id rather not have my gender perceived...at all. like i just want people to ignore that shit when they see me #like just perceive me for what i choose to highlight - my traits and whatnot- but ignore the ones i dont deem too important to who i am #i may be rambling rn but its just because I LEGIT DONT KNOW HOW TO TALK ABOUT THIS LIKE EVEN TO MY IRL FRIENDS #bECAUSE I CANT EVEN UNDERSTAND THIS GENDER CRISIS ON MY OWN LIKE fjdjd i dont know what i want #other than just being perceived as a living organism that does not give a fuck about gender #and would rather not be bound by the constraints and expectations that come with compliance #anyways i hope this made sense esp to my fellow gender crisis fuckery bros because like. tbh i kinda need solidarity here kasi #i cant understand shit gjcjd #personal shit

[thewhizzyhead]

Kit Connor and Rachel Zegler both starring in the R + J Broadway show feels like a very pointed attack towards my bisexuality. like I have to establish and emphasize how much my bi-ness is through the fucking roof in this pairing. happy fucking birthday to all bisexuals out there too

#like kit connor is one of the few white actors my age i find greatly attractive #and Rachel zegler is Rachel zegler #like. its a great fuckin day for bisexuals rn hallelujah #rachel zegler #kit connor #r + j

[thewhizzyhead]

you know it probably should've been a clue to me that I'm prooobably not totally cis when I first realized long long ago that I would probably kill for a chance to play Moritz Stiefel in Spring Awakening and that playing that role is equivalent to all of my dreams coming true. anyways me rambling about my want to play moritz stiefel on twitter is how I came out as nb on twt woo enjoy.

#and for comparison #my dream dream role of all time is sam from the mad ones #and on a tiny tier above that named 'if given the fuckin chance' > #is moritz fucking stiefel #I DUNNO LIKE MORITZ JUST SPEAKS TO ME LIKE HIS CHARACTER IS JUST SO CATHARTIC FOR ME PERSONALLY #aLSO I ROCK HIS SONGS LIKE I'M FULLY CONFIDENT SINGING HIS SONGS #anyways yea not totally cis woo someone hire me to play Moritz stiefel #spring awakening #moritz stiefel

[thewhizzyhead]

I have not been in the audio/bootleg trading/getting scene in a long fucking while but let it be known that I would trade my soul for a video of grace mouat's rendition of sexy now that she's gonna join the mean girls west end cast as karen

#like i need that #aLSO I LIKE THAT THEATRE TWT IS CELEBRATING GRACE MOUAT AS KAREN HELL YEA #mean girls west end #mean girls the musical #grace mouat

[thewhizzyhead]

wait I know this is a stretch but if starkid's new project ends up being a medieval sapphic love story between bryce and mariah's characters then I shall owe starkid my life

#there is no basis in this theory apart from 'bryce and mariah are confirmed to be in it' #but hey imagination is fun #starkid

[thewhizzyhead]

Oh fuck yea

#BRYCE PROTAG BRYCE PROTAG #LETS GOOO #AND OOOH MEDIEVAL SHIT I LOVE IT #starkid

[thewhizzyhead]

Confession: I kinda wanna be a bit snarkily and pridefully mean about my ex-crush's/ex-mixed-signal's/ex-coffee-date's new man and her taste in men but it makes me feel bad because it is a shitty thing to be but bitter bites still hurt!

#Anyways kindness is a virtue i must choose to uphold #even if i dont feel like it vkdkd #and im not even mad at the dude i swear #and im not even hung up on the gay shit that much like #rn i realize that i am mourning more the death of a friendship shared between two people who have inevitably grown apart #ive never been the best at letting go i suppse #and the new man for me just seals the deal in showing that yea we've grown too far apart #she's still my friend but at the same time i wont expect any more sudden cafe visits from her #i dunno i jusst dunno hwta to feel expect from being bitchy and feeling bad abt it because they r my friend first and foremost #but they themselves have admitted that they have pushed me away even when they didnt want to so like gjdjs #wah i dunno ill probab delete this its probabky just midnight blues #personal shit

[thewhizzyhead]

i know it's been like 3-4 years but i still genuinely think that the hope mill theatre's version of rent is one of, if not the best iteration of rent ever and i mean that with no exaggeration

#like it's such a unique take #both in the pro shot and how the live performances are staged #AND THE ACTING AND INTERPRETATIVE TAKES LIKE ITS SO DAMN GOOOOD #personal favorite here is all of another day #this version of the show is probs one of the most impactful and memorable prods for me personally #like its right up there with deaf west spring awakening in terms of being so captivating and intriguingly unique #rent #rent musical #hope mill theatre rent #hope mill rent

[thewhizzyhead]

It's an old tale

#this looks pretty wtf

[thewhizzyhead]

there was something so interesting about uk hades/persephone that i cant quite put into words except every single action hades made was him poking persephone for any kind or reaction. whenever he said or did anything he would immediately turn to persephone to see if he was looking at him/how she was reacting. when he goes to find eurydice at the end of chant you can SEE that it was out of nothing but spite. like he wanted persephone to call him on his bluff except she never did so he didnt back down. but the one that got me the most was in why we build the wall. when eurydice rises into hadestown persephone looks sick to her stomach and when he delivers the question 'what do we have that they should want?' he looks directly into persephones eyes. afaik this part is usually delivered to eurydice as a way to indoctrinate her into the hadestown lifestyle but by delivering it to persephone it felt like he was saying this is YOUR fault YOU made her come here by not calling my bluff. 'what do WE have that THEY should want' as in what do we hades and persphone have that orpheus and eurydice want....

#this is once again a reminder for me to check out hadestown west end #but woah this is cool

[thewhizzyhead]

Been listening to Chant II

#banger

[thewhizzyhead]

bro my sister is actually so smart

so yknow how Zuko’s scar is worse directly around his eye?

and there are a lot of reasons that could be but also consider this (and this is what my 12 year old sister came up with)

Zuko was sobbing and refusing to fight his father when Ozai burned him

his tears literally became boiling water against his eye.

#Children don't see children as children they see them as People Their Own Age (aka fair game) #<- okay yo that's a real eye-opener here like woah #yea maybe the more 'mature' adaptations of kid's media should be consulted with them cause fair game

[thewhizzyhead]

IM SORRY WHAT THE FUCK

#THE FUCK?? THIS OCTOBER?? #hERE??? #tHE FUUUCK? #WHERE THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MONEY FOR THAT #AAAAA?? #six the musical #BUT I WAS GENUINELY NOT EXPECTING THIS LIKE SIX COMING HERE WHAT THE FUCK

[thewhizzyhead]

you know now that I'm like in my 2nd year of college and everything, I'm starting to realize that I have not actually been talking much about my college life here. like, damn, we got a lot to catch up on

#like where do i even begin #ive explored multiple universities outside of my own for various competitions #i have learned how to produce tv news nights snd commercials #i have become more sociable and outgoing than ever like i even dyed my hair last year and now golden brown is my main color #i've also had my heart played with with mixed signals throughout the first half of last year so top tied gay shit right there #and like vjdjd so much stuff has happened that it bewilders me #obviously i cant tell all of my stories here because well um 2023 has been my worst year yet so to speak #but i have grown - and i am alive still. and i think that in it of itself is a story worth telling #but then again it would be so much fun to rant about the gay shit and on who fumbled who esp since y'all wont ever fuckin know the girl #so woo perhaps there'll be a catch up ask box soon woo but not now kasi i am in exams hell woo #anyways bye #personal shit

[thewhizzyhead]

I'm realising now that im turning 20 in less than a month and that I'm like breaching into the more older parts of tumblr's main user and like that's fucking crazy for me because I still vividly remember making this account at 14 just to make rambles about miraculous ladybug

#and THE NAME OF THIS DAMN BLOG HAS NEVER BEEN CHANGED EVER SINCE #IT HAS BEEN THE WHIZZYHEAD SINCE 2019 AND IT WILL REMAIN THE SAME IN MY TWENTIES #anyways holy fuck does time fly fast #personal shit

[thewhizzyhead]

most times i think that I'm not really the most attractive of people but sometimes I am reminded of that one time near the beginning of college freshman year when a very gorgeous and model-esque femme lesbian in my class asked her college friends if I was into girls before even actually really talking to me which then turned to very enthusiastic and quite downbad flirting from her end when I did confirm that Yes I'm Bi. so basically the gist here is I must be doing something right if I was able to somehow have someone have a downbad gay crush on me in my first year - oh and that one reason why i wasnt even that much fazed by the enthusiastic flirting and ended up lowley rejecting her is because I'm not into femmes so whoops

#i've started to like really realize it this year what with my patterns with crushes #that yea i like pretty girls but i prefer them to be androgynous/kinda masc leaning #which is kinda new for me like wow its kinda cool to really explore what tastes i have when it comes to liking people #and apparently its mullet-having dyed hair girls that look and act more masc but also still manage to look pretty #anyways wala nang ganyan sa pinas yes the last girl i really liked that fits that description kinda made my heart ouchy so WAG NA #anyways woo gay shit woo i miss rambling on tumblr #but i have exams and fuck i hate exam weeks and also i have news reports to film and research papers to polish #so bye wish me luck and tumblr mutuals i miss u guys #personal shit

[thewhizzyhead]

#aWWW THATS SWEET