#If it interests anyone I could do a post with more detail about that application process

[hephaestuscrew]

"Minkowski's been talking about Sondheim again…": Minkowski's love of musical theatre and what it reveals about her characterisation and her relationships

TL;DR: Renée Minkowski's love of musicals, while it might seem just like a mundane character detail, is used to give depth to her character because it contrasts with expectations of her from both the listening audience and the other characters. Her willingness or unwillingness to share this interest in different circumstances reveals her relationships with other characters at various points. Since this is a long one, if you'd rather read it as a document, you can view it here: Google Doc version.

"She actually really cares about these talent shows": Episode 8 (Box 953)

In the early episodes of Season 1, Minkowski is presented (largely through Eiffel's unreliable perspective) purely as a strict no-nonsense authority figure without much emotional depth, the kind of person who only likes things that are useful, purposeful, or mandated by Command. In contrast, musical theatre is a creative pursuit that has nothing to do with the mission of the Hephaestus and is viewed by many people as fairly frivolous or silly. The gradual exploration of Minkowski's passion for musicals is one of the many ways that the show expands and challenges our understanding of her as a character. 

The first indication that we get of her interest in musicals is through her entry into the infamous talent show, something that is required as part of the mission. Minkowski really cares about 'crew morale' activities in general, even when they actually have a negative effect on morale and even before she's friends with any of her crew (for example, the Christmas and Thanksgiving dinners in the earlier stage of the mission), perhaps partly because doing things in the "right way" is important to her. 

But Eiffel senses that the talent shows aren't just about rules for her: "it’s bad enough when she makes us do something just because it’s military protocol, but I think that she actually really cares about these talent shows". This might be the first indication that we get of Minkowski caring deeply about anything that isn't inherently part of her role as a Commander. Moments like this are part of the gradual process of giving us insight into her character beyond the Commander archetype that she tries to embody. And yet, she only indulges her theatrical passion because something mandatory gives her permission, or an excuse, to let another part of herself out.

Of course, to satisfy the needs of a talent show, she'd only need to provide a performance of a few minutes. But Eiffel mentions "the second act of the play" - which along with Hera's comment that "Isabel isn't the biggest role in the play" - implies that Minkowski was intending to put on the whole of Pirates of Penzance as her talent show act, rather than a few of the songs or some kind of medley. (I suppose that Eiffel could be exaggerating or Minkowski might have been planning to do extracts from different parts of the play, but I prefer the interpretation in which Minkowski gets to be more ridiculous.) 

Even though no one else would be willing to be in her production of Pirates of Penzance, Minkowski casts Hera as Isabel, a role with two lines and no solo singing. I found some audition notes for this play which said "The traditional staging gives [Isabel] more prominence than the solo opportunities of the part suggest, so she must be a good actress" which does make me sad in relation to Hera's inability to have a more significant role by being physically present on stage. 

It’s sweet that Hera still wants to take part though. She tells Eiffel "Pirates of Penzance is a classic of 19th century comic opera", so either she’s absorbed what Minkowski has told her about the show, or she’s done her own research and formed her own opinions. I enjoy the fact that Hera is the one Hephaestus crew member who shows potential to share Minkowski's musical theatre appreciation; I like to think that this is something they could explore together post-canon.

Anyway, I'm obsessed with the idea that Minkowski was planning to play every character except one in Pirates of Penzance, a show which is designed to have 10 principal characters and a chorus of 14 men. It seems that her contribution to the talent show was supposed to be an entire two-hour two-act musical, with costumes and props, in which she would play almost all of the parts. This is very funny to me as the perhaps predictable consequence of giving an ambitious and frustrated grown-up theatre kid a position of authority and asking them to arrange a talent show. Minkowski knows that the audience will be made up of her subordinates who are theoretically obliged by the chain of command to watch and listen, so she absolutely tries to make the most of that opportunity. There's probably also a degree to which she limits other people's involvement in her musical because - as with her other endeavors - she wants the outcome to be almost entirely within her control (something that is usually pretty much impossible in as collaborative a medium as musical theatre).

Of course, Minkowski's behaviour in most of the talent show episode is affected by her being drugged by Hilbert. This creates an exaggerated situation which is the first real opportunity for Minkowski to be something other than the strict sensible authoritarian Commander and the foil to Eiffel's jokey laid-back attitude. I don't agree with ideas that being intoxicated brings out anyone's true self (especially in the absence of consent for the intoxication), but it seems pretty clear that being under the influence of whatever was in Hilbert's concoction caused Minkowski to fully commit to a level of manic enthusiasm for her musical production that might have otherwise been obscured by her professionalism. It's a particular kind of person who belts showtunes when drunk, and Minkowski is that kind of person, even if that's not how she wants to present herself. (As a sidenote, I seem to remember that they took Emma Sherr-Ziarko's script off her to help her sound more drunk. It's an excellent performance.)

Minkowski wants interval ice cream. She wants "pirate costumes" (and she'll threaten to shoot a man to get them). She wants "swashes and buckles". She wants whatever props she can get her hands on (including a real cannon). This show is important to her, even though only three other people will witness it and two of them actively don't want to be there. It’s important to her for its own sake.

Eiffel says Minkowski wants "a second pair of eyes to tell her if the prop sabre for her Major-General costume was a bit much…"  While I certainly wouldn't put it past Goddard Futuristics to have a prop sabre on the station for no apparent reason, it feels more likely that she might have made it or adapted some existing item. Which suggests that maybe she was that passionate about the props even before Hilbert drugged her. 

Even so, it does feel significant that Minkowski's love of musicals is only revealed in the episode in which she is drugged, exhibiting lowered inhibitions, exaggerated behaviour, and an "impaired euphoric effect". Her love of musical theatre is initially revealed through a professional structure that provides permission, and then further emphasised by a forced intoxication that exaggerates some impulses that perhaps she already had.

"Some hobbies other than making trains run on time": Episode 17 (Bach to the Future)

After Eiffel tells to find Minkowski to find something else to do while her work duties have quietened down, they have the following exchange:

EIFFEL: You must have some hobbies other than making trains run on time. Something to do with friends? Boyfriends? MINKOWSKI: Of course I do, but, well, there aren't really a lot of opportunities for rock climbing or trail hiking in the immediate vicinity. 

Even though this quote doesn't mention musicals, I've included it here for two reasons. Firstly, it's very funny to me that, even after the talent show debacle, Eiffel acts like he's never had any evidence of Minkowski's hobbies. She tried to perform a whole play almost single-handedly and it didn't occur to him that this might indicate an interest of hers outside of work. I think this reflects the fairly two-dimensional view that Eiffel has previously had of Minkowski, which her interest in musical theatre didn't fit into. 

Secondly, it feels notable that Minkowski doesn't mention musical theatre here. She wants to show that she has non-work interests, but without undermining her own authoritative image. Her interest in rock climbing and trail hiking - while it may be genuine - fits with how she wants to be seen as a Commander. These are hobbies which portray her as physically capable, with a high degree of stamina and a willingness to adapt to perhaps less hospitable surroundings. Of course, Minkowski does have these traits and they serve her well on the Hephaestus. But there's not really anything particularly surprising about her expressing these interests. The surprise in this scene comes from the reveal that she has a husband, a character detail which - like her love of musicals - isn't something we'd necessarily expect from the archetype-based view of her we are initially presented with. 

Her interest in rock climbing and trail hiking never come up again, because these details don't really deepen her characterisation (or at least, they aren't really used to deepen her characterisation beyond proving that she isn't entirely all-work-and-no-play). In contrast, Minkowski's love of musicals is brought up over and over because it shows another side of her that she struggles to reveal on the Hephaestus, and that allows more interesting things to be done with her characterisation.

"You wanted to write showtunes": Episode 35 (Need to Know)

Alongside the more high stakes discoveries prompted by the leak from Kepler's files, we also learn that Minkowski applied to - and was rejected from - the Tisch Graduate Musical Theater Writing Program.

Up until this point, we've only had evidence that Minkowski enjoys performing in musicals. But here we learn that Minkowski doesn't just love watching or performing in musicals - she wanted to write them too. This suggests a creative side to her that we never see her fully express.

The course

The Tisch Graduate Musical Theatre Writing Program claims to be the only course of its kind in the world and it accepts just 30 students each year. The current application process requires applicants to: upload play scripts or recordings of songs they've written; answer a large number of extended response questions about their creative process and views on musical theatre; write a 'statement of purpose' which has to talk about why they are applying and include 3 original ideas for musicals; provide a professional resume and a digital portfolio; complete an exercise of writing in response to a prompt; and undergo an interview. The process might have changed somewhat since Minkowski would have been applying (which, if it was soon after she finished college, might have been around the early 2000s) or it might be different in Wolf 359's alternate universe, but I think we can safely assume that applying to this course was a serious undertaking that required an intense amount of commitment and work. 

Applying to a course like that isn't something you do half-heartedly or on a whim. You couldn't apply to this course if you hadn't done a fair amount of musical theatre writing already. (The course requires applicants to choose to apply as bookwriters, lyricists, or composers, but I'm not going to make a guess here as to which of these Minkowski went for.) The fact that Minkowski wanted to study this course suggests that she was seriously considering trying to make a career out of musical theatre writing. In Once In A Lifetime, she tells Cutter that commanding a space station has always been her dream job, but we've got evidence here that it wasn't her only dream job. There's something kind of funny and kind of sad about the idea that writing musicals was her back-up / fall-back career path. She does not like to make life easy for herself.

The revelation 

This information is revealed against Minkowski's will. It's not something she wanted people to find out, and she isn't happy about them knowing:

JACOBI: "Dear Renée, thank you for your interest in the Tisch Graduate Musical Theater Writing Program..." MINKOWSKI: Oh, come on!  JACOBI: (pressing on) "We are sorry to say, we will not be able to offer you a spot in this year's blah blah blah." Oh this is too good. You wanted to write showtunes?  MINKOWSKI: Number one? Shut up. Number two, why are my personal records on there?! [...] How is it in any way relevant?! JACOBI: Oh, I think it's very relevant. I mean, if you're sending someone to pilot ships in deep space, you want to make sure that they can, you know... paint with all the colors of the wind.  Jacobi CRACKS UP - and, although to a lesser degree, so does Lovelace. Minkowski looks at her: really?  LOVELACE: Sorry, Minkowski. It's... it's a little funny.  MINKOWKSI: No, it isn't!

Minkowski seems defensive and embarrassed here. She obviously doesn't trust everyone there with this revelation (Jacobi, Maxwell, Lovelace, and Hera are all present). She considers this information to be "personal" and irrelevant and not even "a little funny". She's used to reactions like Jacobi's (and to a lesser extent Lovelace's); in Ep41 Memoria, she says "most people think it's hilarious that I like musicals" (see below for more thoughts about this quote). But the fact that these mocking reactions are expected doesn't mean that they don't bother her. She wants so badly to be taken seriously and, in this scene, her interest in musical theatre seems to be incompatible with that. Jacobi reacts the way that he does because of the idea that I've already expressed, that a passion for musical theatre does not fit with the serious authoritative image that Minkowski has often presented. It's not the typical hobby of a soldier, especially not a Commander.

To me, the way Lovelace laughs suggests that she might not have previously known about Minkowski's love of musicals, or at least perhaps not the full extent of it. At any rate, it's definitely news to Jacobi. And Minkowski clearly hasn't talked about it enough for it not to feel like a big reveal for her.

The rejection 

It's notable that this reveal is not just that she wanted to write for the stage, but also that she failed to get into a course that might have helped her work towards that goal. This of course compounds Minkowski's discomfort at having this information revealed. Not only did she want to write showtunes, but she encountered rejection in her attempts to do so. This detail implies that perhaps it wasn't just the appeal of her spacefaring dream that stopped her going down a theatrical career path. 

I'm about to move more into headcanon territory rather than just straightforward analysis, but I personally believe that, while Minkowski auditioned for a lot of musicals (particularly as a child / young person), she was never cast as the main role. She seems embarrassed about her interest in musical theatre in a way that (at least judging by people I've encountered) people who were always the lead in their school / college productions don't tend to be. 

We don't have much evidence about her actual level of singing/acting ability, given that she is inebriated during the only time we hear her sing in the podcast. However, it resonates with other aspects of her characterisation to imagine that Minkowski was generally good enough to get an ensemble part but never quite good enough to be cast as a main part. I think she might see only ever being cast as part of the ensemble, and failing to get into the Tisch Musical Theatre Writing programme, as slightly more down-to-earth examples of the same pattern as her repeated rejections from NASA. She is desperate to prove herself. She is "someone who very much wants to matter. To do something important." When she casts herself as almost every part in Pirates of Penzance, she is finally taking the opportunity to be a main character, an opportunity which I imagine had been denied to her over and over in both a literal and metaphorical sense.

"It's just from a play I saw once": Episode 41 (Memoria)

The next scene I want to talk about is from a memory of Hera's, which took place on Day 57 of the Hephaestus mission and in which Minkowski appears to be talking about the Stephen Sondheim musical Sunday in the Park with George:

MINKOWSKI: Oh, it's just from a play I saw once. It doesn't matter. (BEAT) The guy who sings it is this famous French painter. And his entire life is kinda falling apart. But he can always turn what's happening around him into these beautiful paintings.  HERA: And? MINKOWSKI: And... That's, I don't know. Reassuring, maybe? (BEAT) I don't know why I'm going on about this. You don't care.  HERA: I think it's interesting.  MINKOWSKI: Yeah? Most people think it's hilarious that I like musicals.  HERA: I don't see what's funny about it.  MINKOWSKI: Well, thank you Hera, but you're not exactly... you know.  HERA: I'm not... what? 

There's a couple of different things I want to pick out from this exchange. Firstly, the line "Most people think it's hilarious that I like musicals" makes me sad. I don't think she's talking about people on the Hephaestus there. Judging by the quote I talked about from Bach to the Future, Eiffel definitely wouldn't have registered Minkowski's love of musicals at this stage, and I doubt Hilbert cares at all about the hobbies of his fellow crew members. So Minkowski is talking about experiences that she's had on Earth, of people mocking her interest in musicals and thinking it doesn't fit with who she is. You can hear the impact of those experiences in Minkowski's reluctance to elaborate, in the way she says that something she obviously cares about doesn't matter, in her assumption that Hera doesn't care.

Secondly, this scene is a complicated one for Minkowski and Hera's relationship. On the one hand, Minkowski freely talks to Hera about something she's passionate about, and Hera listens and expresses interest. Hera validates Minkowski's interest in musical theatre without making a thing of it being weird and Minkowski thanks her. Again, it’s shown as an interest they could could potentially share.

But on the other hand, it seems like part of the reason Minkowski feels able to open up to Hera is because at this point Minkowski doesn't see opening up to Hera as fully equivalent to opening up to a fellow human. She doesn't just accept Hera not making fun of her interest; instead it seems Minkowski is about to imply that this lack of judgment indicates Hera's difference from humans (although she does have the decency not to say it outright). Minkowski's expectation of judgment from others contributes to her saying something very hurtful to Hera here. (This kind of potential consequence of negative self-attitude is explored a lot with Eiffel, so it's interesting that Minkowski can sometimes have a similar issue.)

Minkowski and Hera's conversation is interrupted when:

The DOOR OPENS.  EIFFEL: Hey, Minkowski, we've - What are you guys talking about?  MINKOWSKI: We were just discussing how I'm going to take away your hot water privileges if you don't reset the long-range scan.

Eiffel can obviously tell that he's walked in on a conversation that is about something other than work, or he wouldn't have asked. But Minkowski actively chooses not to tell him that she was talking to Hera about musicals. Perhaps she doesn't know how to open up to a human subordinate about it. Perhaps she doesn't trust him not to make fun of her. Perhaps she just doesn't have any impulse to talk about her interests with him. Either way, if Minkowski's love of musicals is something which reflects a side of her personality outside of her Commander role, this is a moment where she chooses not to take an opportunity to share that side of herself with Eiffel. This reflects the emotional distance between them three months into the mission, which forms a nice contrast with the next couple of quotes I'm going to talk about.

"Composition. Balance. Harmony.": Episode 54 (The Watchtower)

When Eiffel comes directly face to face with alien life, he discovers that music is the human invention that fascinates the Dear Listeners:

EIFFEL: You haven't figured out music?  BOB: ORDER. DESIGN. TENSION. COMPOSITION. BALANCE. HARMONY.  EIFFEL: (low, to himself) Minkowski's been talking about Sondheim again…

I only learned in the course of writing this post that in this moment the Dear Listeners are almost exactly quoting a repeated phrase used throughout Sunday in the Park with George. The titular protagonist lists various combinations of these qualities in multiple songs in reference to his art. In the closing song, the lyrics are "Order. Design. Tension. Composition. Balance. Light. [...] Harmony." It's not only Eiffel's references that the Dear Listeners are incorporating into their speech - they've picked this one up from Minkowski. This also suggests that some element of her appreciation for musicals and the way she talks about them has fed into the Dear Listeners' understanding of the human phenomenon of music. The Dear Listeners aren't just parroting - they understood the quote enough that they left out the word "light", arguably the only quality in that phrase which isn't a big part of music as well as visual art. Eiffel likes music too, but I don't think that this is how he'd talk about his favourite songs.

This is a refrain about finding order and beauty out of the chaos and uncertainty of life, which was also the aspect of Sunday in the Park with George that Minkowski focused on when talking about it in Memoria. It suggests that art/music could be something governed by rules and principles, which is potentially something that appeals both to Minkowski and to the Dear Listeners.

Eiffel's response to this reference is one of those little hints that reminds us that Eiffel and Minkowski have spent a lot of time together and that not all of that time has involved them being at each others' throats or actively in a life-or-death situation. Some of it has just been Minkowski going on about a musical she loves and Eiffel (willingly or not) paying enough attention that he recognises this phrase as a Sondheim quote that Minkowski has talked about. I suppose that this quote might have been in Eiffel's pop-culture-brain anyway, but judging from Eiffel's general tastes and the fact that I don't think Sunday in the Park with George is one of the more commonly known Sondheim musicals among non-musical fans, it seems more likely that this quote is something he only knows because Minkowski has talked about it. 

Eiffel sounds exasperated at the mention, like he's heard Minkowski talk about Sondheim far too much. But I'd argue that this still says something positive about their relationship, when we contrast it with a couple of other moments I've already mentioned. Firstly, when her previous musical theatre ambitions are revealed to Jacobi, Maxwell, and Lovelace in Need to Know, Minkowski seems embarrassed and defensive. Secondly, in the memory from Memoria, she avoids telling Eiffel that she was talking about this same musical. Yet, by the time The Watchtower takes place, Eiffel is sick of hearing Minkowski talk about Sondheim. She doesn't have the same barriers up in sharing her interests with him, even though he doesn't have the same interests. I think this is a demonstration of how comfortable she feels with him. It's a hint at the kind of easy downtime that they've sometimes shared.

"One day more": Episode 61 (Brave New World)

Eiffel recognises another musical reference of Minkowski’s in the finale. As the crew are preparing for their final confrontation with Cutter and co., Minkowski quotes Les Misérables, mostly to herself - but Eiffel recognises the lyrics and joins in:

EIFFEL: Hey - chin up, soldier. We're almost through. Just one more day, and then we're done.  MINKOWSKI: Yeah, one more day. (more to herself) The time is now, the place is here - one day more.  EIFFEL: - one day more.  They both stop, dead in their tracks. MINKOWSKI: Did you just - ?  EIFFEL: Was that what I - ?  They look at each other: No way. And BURST INTO LAUGHTER.  EIFFEL: Man... this is really it, huh? The end of everything. 

It feels really important that Minkowski and Eiffel share this moment of togetherness before she tries to send him back to Earth and before the rest of the action goes down. I think there’s some nice symbolism about them finding a way to communicate that they both understand. Making references is Eiffel's thing, and musicals are Minkowski's thing, so this is a synthesis of their two approaches. Again, there's a contrast with Minkowski's previous unwillingness to share her musical theatre passions with Eiffel (at least without the mitigating circumstances of a mandatory talent show and some kind of intoxicating substance).

I talked about the significance of the fact that they reference this particular musical in this post from ages ago. I don't think it's too much of a spoiler for Les Misérables to say that the revolution that the song One Day More is building up to does not end well for the revolutionaries. When Eiffel says "Just one more day, and then we're done", it encompasses both the possibility that the crew will escape to travel back to Earth and the possibility that they will all die. Minkowski's reference to a famously tragic musical suggests that it's the latter possibility that's at the forefront of her mind (right before she tries to send Eiffel away from the danger). But Les Misérables is also a story about people standing together in solidarity against powerful oppressive forces, which gives particular resonance to the way that this reference brings Eiffel and Minkowski together in a moment of being completely on the same wavelength as they prepare to fight Cutter and Pryce's plan.

When they laugh here, it's not about the 'hilariousness' of Minkowski's interest in musicals, it's about their unexpected unison - Eiffel's recognition of Minkowski's reference and Minkowski's surprise at the fact he joined in. It's a laugh of togetherness, of shared understanding, of friendship. It's a moment of lightness in dark times. And that moment is provided by Minkowski's pop culture interests, not Eiffel's. In spite of all they've been through, she's not lost that part of herself, and in fact, she's more open about it, at least to Eiffel.

I'll finish by highlighting what Eiffel says when he's trying to get into character to impersonate Minkowski so he can turn the Sol around:

EIFFEL: Umm... yes, this is Lieutenant Commander Renée Minkowski. I'm... uh... well I sure love schedules, and, uh, musicals. And that man, who I married…

I just think this is a nice example of Eiffel not defining Minkowski solely by her professional Commander role. Sure, she likes schedules (probably in a personal as well a professional capacity to be fair), but she also loves musicals, and her husband. It is a fairly reductive overview of her as a person, but it feels reductive in a fond way, like these things are part of Minkowski's brand to Eiffel in a way that he might affectionately tease her about. (Credit to @commsroom for this thought.) His view of Minkowski has come a long way from "our resident Statsi agent" or even just "you must have some hobbies other than making trains run on time." He doesn't see any contradiction or inherent humour in Lieutenant Commander Renée Minkowski's appreciation of musicals.

Conclusion

Minkowski's love of musical theatre is used to deepen her characterisation and is one of the ways in which we gradually begin to see her complexity beyond the strict Commander archetype. The degree to which she is prepared to share this interest at various points is used to illustrate the nature of her relationships with other characters: a general unwillingness to show a less serious side of herself; a complicated potential shared interest with Hera; and the growing understanding between her and Eiffel.

If you read this whole thing, well done / thank you 😄 It wasn't meant to be this long - it just happened… Feel free to share your thoughts!

#It's Minkowski Essay Time again! #This is over 4700 words and still doesn't cover it all... #I hadn't quite realised there was so much to say! #Wolf 359 #w359 #If anyone is more familiar with 'Sunday in the Park with George' and has thoughts on why it might particularly appeal to Minkowski #I'd be interested to hear #I listened to the soundtrack and read the Wikipedia plot summary #but I don't think I really got it #My other significant bit of research was that #in order to see what applying to the Tisch Graduate Musical Theatre Writing Program involves #I had to create an account as if I was actually applying #which might be the oddest thing I've done for character analysis #If it interests anyone I could do a post with more detail about that application process #cos it looks insanely intense #Renée Minkowski #Renee Minkowski #the empty man posteth #I hope no one takes things I have said here as critical of musical theatre people btw #I'm just talking about general perceptions #In general I do enjoy musicals myself from an audience perspective

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Silver Lining 3

Warnings: non/dubcon, speech impediment, bullying and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

Characters: silverfox!Bucky Barnes

Summary: You have an unpleasant encounter with an older man.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

"So your sister will be coming by next week with the little ones," your mother declares as you stand at the sink, scrubbing away the remnants of roast beef and potato. "You'll get to play auntie for the day."

"Mhmm," you nod, "what about Justin?"

"Oh, your brother's down visiting with his fiance's family. He said he'd try to make if for Christmas Eve but you know how her family is."

You sniff and pretend to know. You really don't. It's all hearsay to you. You don't hear much from either siblings; they have lives, you just happen to be related.

"S-sounds great," you utter as you put another plate in the rack.

"Oh, honey, you should just use the dishwasher," she says.

"It's f-f-fine, this works," you insist.

"Well, what about you? What are you up to?" She leans on the counter.

"I..." you don't know what to say. You need a lie, anything to appease her. Your brother's engaged, your sister has the white picket fence and you have nothing, "oh, I h-have a job interview."

"You do?" She sounds thoroughly disbelieving.

"Uh, yeah, w-well," you stammer through, trying not to give away your deceit, "since n-no one wants to h-hire me in my f-field, I f-found something new."

"That's exciting," she chimes, "what is it?"

"Uh, I w-want to see i-if it turns out b-before I say," you give a tight-lipped smile, "don't want to d-disappoint you again."

"Sweetie, you're not a disappointment," she hums, "I'm always happy to see you trying."

You look down at the sink and shrug. Behind that comment is the inference that you weren't trying before. That you haven't been. The long nights with vivid nightmares don't exactly motivate you and you've been all but blacklisted as an executive assistant. Even admin roles aren't responding. Even if you do get a bite, the job market is drawn out and tedious.

"Thanks, mom."

"Just... try not to mope around the kids," she chides, "it's Christmas."

You flutter your lashes, "sure, mom."

That's what you are to everyone; weak, pathetic, useless. No, don't do that. You'll make another appointment with Lisa, she always knows what to do.

☕️

Well, this is it. A last resort. One of those freelancing websites that pays pennies. It's better than nothing and will keep you from having too big a gap on your resume. You could easily do the writing gigs, easy money for transcription. You apply to a few of those and scroll on.

You sit up as you see a particular posting that interest you. Oddly enough, the pay isn't half bad. It's also labeled as 'may lead to ongoing work'. Well, well, well, now that's something.

You click into the posting for 'Podcast Script Writer' and review the details. A sample is required for application and lucky enough, you have lots of those hanging around. If it wasn't for your stammer, you'd have an episode done by now. You deleted enough recordings to the point of giving up. Well, this is a solution. You can get your work out there without having to embarrass yourself.

You go through the application, putting in your info and editing a draft before attaching it to the application. You just hope it's thorough enough. You never really let anyone else see and hitting submit makes your stomach flip. With the final click, you close your laptop and quickly get up. Alright, you're not going to dwell on it. If you hear anything, you'll worry then.

You try to read but can't focus. It just makes you think of the posting and your application. Oh jeez, imagine you're rejected but worse, they tell you you've done everything wrong.

Appointment! You can't forget that. You login to the app and put in a request for a Zoom appointment that week. Alright, you're getting things done, you can't say you've done nothing.

You put a video on your phone and lean it on the pop out grip, propping it up on your mattress to watch the compilation of sitcom moments cut together on Youtube. Your mind wanders and your eyes begin to sag as the day shrouds you in fatigue. You slip into a shallow doze as the glare of the screen flickers over you.

The distant clack of keyboards and clicking of mouses needles behind your ears. It's as if you're trapped in a bubble of silence, all colours and noised dampened by the unseen wall. You shudder as you hear his voice, the only thing that's clear. Your name crawls up behind the shell of your ear with his breath as his hands settle on your hips. Your body aches as every muscles tightens and your bones lock in place. Please, no, not again...

"Sir..." you try to speak but nothing comes out. He's always tugging your skirt up, his hand is around your throat. You close your eyes as tears stain your cheeks.

You wake with a start, your phone black as the battery's drained from neglect. You sit up and pant, looking around your dark bedroom, the moonlight limning shadows sinisterly. You gulp and fall back, watching the ceiling as the tears rise in reality and sting your eyes.

If you'd just said no. A simple word. Even you can manage that.

You lay for a while until your restlessness boils over. You get up and plug in your phone. The screen lights up as you rub your eye socket and yawn. There's an email notification in the taskbar. Probably more ads for things you can't afford.

You pull down the menu but find ‘Application Update’ emblazoned across the notification. Oh wow, that was fast. You keep yourself from tapping on the email.

You don't know if you can handle another rejection. You'd rather languish in the uncertainty. You've been doing so for so long, it almost feels safe.

#dark bucky barnes #dark!bucky barnes #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #drabble #series #au #silverfox #silver lining #mcu #marvel #avengers #winter soldier

[damnation-if]

I just want to say, as a certified monster fucker, I'm already in love with your story hahaaa <3 I'm glad we're getting more adult stories and the themes in this one are so intriguing, can't wait for the rest ! Alsooo, I really liked the way you describe things? I do not know how to explain it haha but I could easily visualize what was happening and the general atmosphere you're going for and I thought that was neat :^)

thank you so much for your kind words!! i truly appreciate them and i'm so glad the descriptions were to your liking! i have at least some level of aphantasia, so i'm always worried that i'm not describing things enough haha... glad that doesn't seem to be the case!

i was actually talking to my friends just yesterday about how there's relatively few Creacher-y ROs around... so for whatever reason, i guess because it's on my mind, i thought i'd take a bit of time/space here to mention all of the Monsterfucker Approved (TM) ROs that i could come up with, in case anyone else might be interested. this list isn't meant to be exhaustive (in case i miss anyone) as sadly i am yet to become all-seeing and all-knowing 😔

Creacher (Alien)

Rhaxa and Imxa from Project Hadea by my beloved @nyehilismwriting. spikey, scaley, bitey, etc. 👌i also love and appreciate the attention to detail put into worldbuilding for the different ways their species communicates and thinks and so on, showing the culture gaps between them and humans. quality buggies!

Creacher (Eldritch)

Roach from The Passenger... the mc is also an eldritch creacher in this one, which may add or subtract to the enjoyment for various different people lol

Sysba from Attollo; i also think this game in general is pretty monster friendly, with a bunch of monstrous side characters and so forth. the cool kind of neo-gothic vibes give it a feeling a bit akin to a cyberpunk Penny Dreadful... it's about as Monsterfucker as cyberpunk gets i think!

Beacon from Stygian: The Abyssal Lighthouse by my good friend @salty-stories. this one is probably the most Lovecraftian of the eldritch creachers i think, heavy Call of Cthulhu vibes. it's still in progress but i'm personally willing to wait haha

Creacher (Parahuman)

Lorelei and The Other from The Golden Harp; pirates and sirens and mermaids, oh my!

Danny and Isla from When It Hungers by the wonderful @roast-ifs ... the game is still on hiatus but it still lives rent-free in my head always... the monster mcs are So *chef's kiss*

Oisein from The Nameless; due to the sheevra mc there's a Lot of really cool exploration of the boundaries of humanity and stuff like that... we love a "nonhumans shouldn't be able to feel/do this" story... we love it a Normal amount for sure.

Creacher (Indefinable)

Trace from Greenwarden by @fiddles-ifs; an iconique creacher... the game itself also has excellent kind of Appalachian gothic/supernatural vibes and a dark undercurrent of Lurking Monster Foreboding.

Games with Applicably Creacher-esque Vibes

Virtue's End by my beloved friend dani... the ROs might be human, but the mc most certainly is not<3 dark fantasy and sumptuous Monster vibes, what more can you ask?

anything by the extremely talented @thirtybythirty (links to their games in their pinned post). everything they write has a compelling undercurrent of... eldritch existentialism. perhaps the creacher is in fact the Narrative... or maybe the humans were the creachers all along...

the fabulous OFNA: Birds of a Feather - it has the perfect combination of things Not Quite Human and Not Quite Right to create a rich and ominous atmosphere, well-worth playing even though everyone is Technically human lmfao

anyway sorry for rambling on and i'm sure there's a bunch i have missed but. i do feel like it's worth giving praise where it's due for games and writers that we appreciate! thank you again for your kind message (and for giving me a chance to talk about this a bit lol)

#what does the chaos mirror see #glucosify #long post. #passing these notes out at the monthly monsterfucker conference #sorry to put trace in their own category but. also i feel like they'd have it no other way lmfao #avoiding putting my games on here like a good boi... especially the ones i haven't written yet #there's also sort of monster-adjacent things like leftski-if's orcs and werewolves but #there sort of opens up a rabbithole once you get into. Nontypical Humanoids #like i had this problem with a lot of demon!ROs as well they're kind of. Mostly Human #like don't get me wrong i enjoyed keeper of the sun and moon for example but the cambions and nephilim are not. Particularly Inhuman #however obviously my categorisations are very arbitrary and i'm not. gatekeeping monsters XD just for the sake of this post not being longe

[minecraftnewsnetwork]

If anyone wants to join MCNN for the looming 5th Life season, hit us up at @minecraftnewsnetwork

In light of recent cryptic Grian-posting, it looks like this series will happen sooner than expected!

We can always use more help with:

Administration and project management

Taking notes

Writing scripts

Recording in-game reports

Downloading clips

Creating art/ visual assets

Editing video

Even if you can only do some of those, or one of those, all help is good help! Our main requests are that you be up front about what you can do, and let us know as soon as possible if your availability changes.

Our account here at @minecraftnewsnetwork is a shared account between Lead Reporters @pixiemage, @the-joju-experience, @fearforthestorm, and @salemoleander. Feel free to send an Ask directly to the main MCNN account for Discord details, or Message any of us on our personal accounts if you have questions.

Please note: We cannot guarantee that we will accept everyone who requests to join - we could get 2 requests or 200, and at some point that's too many cooks in the kitchen. Requests will largely be first-come, first-served, with some exceptions/prioritization made for those with video recording and editing experience.

FAQs

What the heck is MCNN?

A fan-created, scripted video series that seeks to summarize and report on the events that occurred across every POV in the Life Series that week. We started with Limited Life, and now I guess it's time for our second rodeo. This is our YouTube channel.

Do I have to have experience in [Video Editing]/[Script Writing]/etc to sign up for it?

Not at all! Everyone is welcome to sign up for whatever roles they want to do. We do like to aim for a certain level of quality in what we make, so if you aren't very far along in your creative journey with that medium please make sure you're prepared to receive peer feedback and edit suggestions!

I'm a minor! Can I help?

We do allow people under 18 to help, yes! Limiting who gets to help on a fan project about a ~PG video series seems nonsensical; especially when many of the adults in MCNN got their Minecraft start well before they turned 18, and it sparked a longstanding creative interest. However: School, family, and your overall wellbeing come first. If at any time the project seems to be conflicting with those priorities, you will be asked to step back for the remainder of the season.

What applications/tools do you use?

We use Google Sheets to write timecoded video notes, Google Docs to draft and work together on scripts, a mixture of ReplayMod and OBS to record in-game reports, and DaVinci Resolve to edit video. All of these tools are free to use, and we are able to walk through settings and basics with you if you're unfamiliar with any of these.

Do you make money from this? What do I get from helping?

\We are not monetized, and have no intention of monetizing or turning on ads. This is a fan-created show, made for the love of creation and celebrating a series we like. We are all unpaid interns, here at MCNN. :D That said - this is a 2+ month project involving project management, editing, writing, and other real-world technical & professional skills. If you participate and want help adding this to your resume, or need a letter of recommendation for a job or school organization/event, we are happy to assist with that!

#traffic life smp #life smp #life series #trafficblr #traffic series #mcnn #minecraftnewsnetwork #minecraft news network #hello. please come help! #reporter salem

[teardew]

-

im thinking about making a patreon because i .. uh .. i cant justify drawing for myself anymore and its killing me lmao

it takes me really long to draw so any time i hav should be spent on comms... iv been trying to fight off burnout by drawing things i like inbetween commissions like that sv anatomy practice and vampire/werewolf mngling was just for me but it still ended up setting me behind schedule because i had to rest my eyes and wrist afterward. but not only that i also wanna like. make a lot more things ...

like i wanna do animal, insect, architectural, jewelry studies and fashion and character design explorations and try designing icon packs and branch out trying embroidery with mixed media and clothes making and get into making like 3d things with clay and soft sculptures. i wanna make historical fashion coloring books with việt phục and fashion zines ...

also theres a lot of stuff i dont post bc im not sure if anyone would be interested in all the design concepts and notes i had for example the homestuck dreamer outfits or the various sha hualing designs and sketches i had before getting to the thing i posted? like i hav a bunch of different sqh outfit and hair designs but theyr more clothing based and not detailed character/face art ...

idk !! it sounds like an excuse. its like, who cares just post it ! i know i shouldnt value my art by the amount of numbers i get from posting on social media and i dont mostly but its kinda unavoidable ? to me ? i know i only post fanart and ppl follow me for that and its not a bad thing ! being realistic i just dont think anybody but me would be interested in it ??

i dont know. god. i dont know what this post is about. ''i dont think anybody would be interested in the things i really wanna make'' but im thinking about making a patreon for things i really wanna make anyway because thats the only way i can justify it is if i can profit off it in some way. i dont really want to, but with my financial circumstances i dont know. i never wanted to make my livelihood off my art. i dont even consider or call myself an ''artist'' really, i just want to MAKE art

i dont know why i still cant find a steady job after 5 months applying to everything and its making me miserable. its embarassing, they say to be persistent with jobs but calling and even walking in to check on applications and watching employers awkwardly try to turn me away without just flat out telling me no even though none of them hire me is an exercise in public humiliation. how bad do you want a job? bad enough to make a fool of myself with nothing to show for it. and i want to make art for myself to cope but it takes too much time and time is money

maybe this post is about my art anxiety under capitalism. i dont know

i think im safe enough now to admit my friends gofundme i was posting about months ago about helping their friend escape their abusive household was actually my gofundme because i was worried about them finding out and preventing me from leaving or internet stalking me afterwards. i did hav a scare when i got a phone call i thought was from my brother but ended up being a police officer, whos my mother's friend ...

but anyways. me admitting this is just to give context that. i ran hundreds of miles away from financial security and everything i ever knew and im still struggling to find steady income nearly half a year later. i just dont understand what im doing wrong. is it my name? is it because im not from here? iv been working continuously ever since i could legally my resume isnt BAD. am i just stupid? should i have just tried to make peace with my lot in life?

i thought getting away from my family would let me be in a better place to create more art, thats one of the things i was so excited about but this feels just as stressful as when i was the only earner supporting my family during covid. i just want a stable job so i can make art. i dont want making art to be my Job. i dont want to be a ''starving artist'' begging for people to care about my art i just want to make art. but fuck i dont know how to sustain any of this

sorry for this mess. insurance is different out here and i havnt been able to find a psych either so its not like i can talk about this in therapy instead of venting on my art blog. all my life i wanted to make things without the fear of it all being destroyed. the main reason i havnt branched out from illustrations is because its entirety can be saved digitally even if its physically ruined. my sketchbooks were thrown away or ripped apart by my family either from carelessness or anger to hurt me but now that im finally enough safe to have them again or make something i can hold in my hands without the fear that someone will come in break it and make me clean up its corpse i cant afford it

i dont know what to do. is it worth it? is making art worth it? i mean. its worth the rent this month. and i still love drawing god this is probably bad for business because i dont want people to feel bad for commissioning me or anything but not to be dramatic why does it feel like im fucking dying

#long post #i keep trying but idk why tumblr wont let me put this under a read more im sorry

[hewscns]

hey! i was jw if you could maybe do a post of different categories/channels you have in your rp servers! just for inspiration for others :)

a look at how my discord rp server is set up under the cut !

hi ! i'd be more than happy to. under the cut are screenshots of my group, aurora isle. however, i can't claim sole credit for how it's been set up as it was a group effort between my former co-admins, fleur ( who deserves a large chunk of the credit for showing me the ropes and making everything so beautiful ) and saint ( whose tumblr blog i'm not familiar with rn — i believe they might have changed their url ? ) . we also incorporated a lot of member requests and have adapted it to the group's needs !

fair warning, i'm very type a + a total virgo so it's ... a lot dfgkhjhkfdj

note: i currently run a private sandbox ( mumu + multiverse ) server for my friends and if anyone would like a guide / template to that, i'd be more than happy to share it !

we make use of the community server + forums feature a lot because i find that it's so much more organized with the tagging feature and so so convenient ! it allows the staff team to archive old apps rather than having to delete messages entirely. i highly recommend that anyone setting up a group enable this feature.

ferry landing - arrivals area

terms and conditions - rules

aurora isle ( forum ) - group plot, lore, and other plot-related information such as taken fcs

apply here ( forum ) - members submit their apps here !

applicant chatroom - a place for potential applicants to ask questions and just get to know our members !

check the itinerary - member checklist ( things to do once they get accepted )

server directory - a handy dandy guide to the server for everyone's reference

sign in sheet - ooc intros

reaction roles - self-explanatory !

bulletin board - for announcements

help desk ( forum ) - a place for members to get help on any technical or ic issues such as character / fc changes !

activity notice - a place for members to inform the group of any changes to their activities or when they'll get to replies !

hiatus - for mun hiatuses or muse hiatuses ( since we're a mumu )

cheat sheet - only accessible by the staff team. this is where we keep the formatting for acceptances and any other posts !

notice - we create private threads here to reach out to members regarding any issues that might arise, such as a rule break or an activity check.

staff chat - a private space for admins and moderators to discuss plot drops, apps, etc, within the server !

ooc chat - self-explanatory !

ic commentary - for ooc discussions regarding ic interactions.

wanted faces - sorted by mwm, mwf, mwnb.

wanted connections ( forum ) - a space for members to post wanted connections and discuss with interested muns. accessible to potential applicants as well.

starter call - self-explanatory !

plotting call - self-explanatory !

remind me - a place to request reminders from your partners in case you have missed a reply !

for plotting - a channel to discuss plots with other members for muns who prefer to keep their dms clean. i would recommend changing this to a forum feature moving forward tbh

tldr - see my in-depth guide to this feature

tupper updates - we added this channel after tupper was down for hours

aurora lore - just a funny lil channel where people can submit hcs about the setting such as npc's and whatnot

proxy set-up

tupper - tupper set-up and whatnot !

level updates - mee6 level updates can be found here !

claim a reward - claim rewards for leveling up !

bot help - for staff members to deal with bots only !

open starters

moving forward, i'd probably turn this into a forum feature ?

texts - for texts.

threads - for threads.

social calendar - upcoming event details.

event planner ( forum ) - members can submit events here.

event-specific channels - i would turn this into a forum feature moving forward but this is where members can post threads and open starters related to the event.

formatting guide - for social media posts.

resident gc - a gc for all muses.

instagram, twitter, spotify, tiktok, tinder - all self-explanatory !

diary entries - share your muses' notes app or journal entries here !

gossip - for ic confessions.

memes - see my in-depth guide here

chatzy - a funny jokey joke lil channel where we were writing like we were on chatzy when tupper was down fdkjhfdghjgfkdhj

the rest of the server is set up by mun categories !

my style of running discord groups has changed a lot since this server was set up but it's still pretty reliable and organized enough that i think you'd have everything you need ! again: i don't take full credit for this setup at all. it's been a lot of trial and error to find the exact system that works for me and my groups and i've received a lot of help along the way.

if anyone has any questions, please feel free to send them over !

#rpt #rph #rpc #discord rp #rp guide

[soulrph]

I'm so happy to have your blog on my dash it has shown me that I'm not the only one struggling in the rpc. I feel like the rpc has fallen into a coma, people are so wrapped up in their own bubbles that they don't interact with each other anymore (it seems) like I'm so frustrated with tumblr at this point, I'm so sorry I just don't know what to do, it's really disheartening to have like 1k followers, writing an rp blog but no matter what you do, no one sends anything at all, no asks, no memes, no starters, nothing, it makes me sad and wonder if I have done something wrong? I checked the settings twice as to make sure asks are enabled and I try to regularly send the people on my dash things but now I'm questioning myself. Like why and how are so many people following me if it feels like they don't want to interact? Of course I know many of these are lurkers but not all? I'm so confused by this to be honest...

My Question is: Am I the only one who feels like that?

my lovely friend, let me tell you something. these feelings you’re having? we ALL have them at some point in our tumblr lives. it’s perfectly natural, there’s nothing wrong with them, much less with you for having them in the first place. you understand? i want to make that much clear before i continue, because i’m getting the impression that you might be trying to take on the blame and responsibility for other people’s actions, and that’s not close to being accurate, love, okay? you’re doing just fine! and now i’m going to go into a little detail on your message. but i don’t want you to read on unless you’re feeling solid and good about yourself again, because try as we might, we’re not responsible for other people. and you mentioned that you’re very active in your efforts to make people feel comfortable, so no. don’t go blaming yourself. you’re doing nothing wrong, my love, i promise.

NOW! i say as i slap my hands on my knees like a suburban dad in an american film! except not, bc my laptop’s there, but i digress. before i continue, i want to say that i’m only one person, my suggestions may not be applicable to you. if anyone reads this post, and would like to contribute their own suggestions, you’re all welcome to hop into the comments to help our lovely friend out! this is a sideblog, however, and i will not be able to interact with these comments directly!

the first thing that i’m going to say here is that 1,000 followers is a LOT of people. like that’s overwhelming to anyone, but i feel like it could also contribute to these feelings of isolation when you have a thousand people following you and nobody’s really reaching out. that’s why i would suggest that maybe you might feel better if you try and bring that number down? it’s like this; if you host a big party, realistically speaking, you won’t be able to invite a thousand guests. it’ll be next to impossible to have these intimate personal connections with one thousand individual people, right? but if we try, say, 500 people? instantly easier to handle, i think. personally i try to keep my own limit at 150 mutuals, because i’m oftentimes too tired and too stressed to handle the idea of much more than that, and it’s much fairer to 150 people than it is for 1000 people.  plus, those 150 people are far more likely to have solid friendships with me. i’m only one person, and so are you, and we can’t be pressuring ourselves into trying to interact with 1000 people!

in your case, this also applies. 1000 people is a LOT. if you bring the number down, perhaps then you can explain to people that you will be implementing a few changes in the way you do things. you want to plot with people. you want to develop solid relationships both OOC and IC. you also might find it useful to use an interest tracker or a permanent starter and plotting call, or a few open starters are also useful! 

i’m going to repeat something here. you are not responsible for other people’s actions. there are parts of the rpc that are withdrawing from the core purpose and values of the community, and the lack of interaction is a widespread challenge. it’s not their fault. it’s just something that’s happening. that being said, you can only control YOUR experience. which sounds powerless, but it’s actually entirely the opposite!

you can make that post and say what you expect to change in your blog. “i’ll be much more active in the rpc from now on, i’m here to make friends and write with like-minded people, and i’m going to be cleaning out my followers over the coming week. if you want to stay mutuals, please let me know, but i don’t want to stay mutuals unless we intend on building a solid friendship and writing together!”

you can obviously change the wording! be as nice or as blunt as you like! but try to be firm. your experiences of the dash are yours and yours alone. my suggestions might be worth nothing to you, and that’s more than okay too! but my earlier experience in the community was very much like yours in that i had about 500 mutuals, but it was so quiet and awkward that i may as well have had 0. it only changed when i brought the number down to 150, keeping my mutuals as people who i wanted to write with and befriend, and then posted a quick psa to let people know that i was planning on actually writing much more in the future, and i would be changing certain things in my blog to accommodate that.

you don’t have to do any of this, my love. you don’t have to soft block any followers, you don’t have to make a psa, you don’t have to do anything! my decisions came from a place when i was so frustrated by being stuck in the “nothingness”, or the “meh, idk, i don’t mind, idc” phase of the community, that i just decided to shift gears and change things. the way i see it, i could have 20,000 mute, withdrawn mutuals, but just one person who i genuinely loved to chat to and plot with and write with would outshine the lot of them! fortunately i found much more than just one person, though. and i know, i KNOW, you will too.

#cinnanon roll. #OOC. #rp help. #rp advice. #i can't remember if i had more tags for this #but if anyone wants to contribute to this please feel free!

[hikeyzz]

https://www.tumblr.com/hikeyzz/732190196144226304

can u explain a little more abt what u meant in the tags of this? i am still newish to kink and wanna do it in as healthy a way as i can

I am not an authority on kink and will not be speaking as such. I am still learning a lot myself. You should be consuming a variety of media on kink to learn more and determine what healthy practices look like for you. But I will explain my comment about harm vs hurt which I think is what this is about.

I was thinking specifically in terms of kinks that do cause pain/discomfort to at least one participant, things like impact play, biting, breath play, and more can all cause pain and hurt. Harm can go in many ways, though. But generally harm is accepted as things that cause damage, physical or emotional. In the context of kink we can imagine hurt and harm as two ends of the continuum. Because something like spanking with a bare hand may hurt, but spanking with a hard implement could break bones and damage nerves which would be harm. I cannot define for anyone where they draw their personal line between hurt and harm in their play. But since they are on a continuum, it is reasonable to believe hurt can slip into harm, with or without intention to cause damage.

This is most applicable with higher risk kinks like edge play, psychological sadism, breath play, and others that do risk semi-permanent or permanent damage to the receiver. I see posts all the time about carving your name into your partner's skin and for some it's just a fantasy, for others it is something they are interested in playing out in real life or have and enjoyed it enough to do it again. That is something that causes physical damage and potentially permanent damage, but is within the realm of what the receiver tolerates and enjoys. There are several levels to harm and I think it is something people have to explore for themselves and develop a deep sense of self-awareness around.

For example, I enjoy being made to feel as though my value as a person is tied to my ability to be sexual (sexual objectification). However, I draw the line at my partner trying to make me believe that's true. I want to feel like it could be true, but not believe that it is. That's hard to navigate at times so I am constantly evaluating the levels of hurt and harm I am asking my partner to inflict, or what they are asking to inflict on me. Down to the words they use, I think through how they make me feel and what I believe when I am with them. Do they make me feel like a sex object? Or do I believe they only see me as a sex object? Again, it's deeply personal and requires an ability to articulate your feelings and beliefs in great detail. But that is how I responsibly navigate my relationship to hurt versus harm, with the line I draw being that changing my beliefs causes damage to my psyche and harms me. But influencing my feelings only hurts me, and is something I enjoy playing with.

I have conducted these check-ins with myself and found that I have allowed (or not noticed) when play has slipped from hurt to harm. Sometimes it can be corrected through dialogue and additional safety practices, other times like when it has intentionally been driven from hurt to harm, I need to walk away and tend to myself. I come up with boundaries that can help me prevent slippage like that from happening again, using what I can learn from others and my personal reflections (in therapy and out - yes I talk to my therapist about kink and you should too).

I hope this helps clarify what I meant and you continue to question and explore kink safely and without rush. I promise you will have much better experiences if you go forward slowly and methodically. Even doing so will piss off the bad-actors who want you to feel like they're your only or best choice. Nothing pisses off abusive people like someone that is intentional and questions everything. The right people will appreciate and understand your caution, trust me. Best of luck.

ETA: I welcome discussion in the replies and feel free to offer (respectfully) different perspectives that may help anon or myself learn further 💗

#asks #hikey #kink philosophy

[elfwreck]

Hello, finding a lot of interesting posts on your blog and hope you are doing well! Anyway, i had some questions about fanlore and was wondering if i could ask you or get pointed to someone else. Mostly about like, what to post, like notoriety, if that changes based on if it's the "right" vs. the "wrong" type of fandom to be associated with fanlore. And also some stuff about adding or quoting stuff you're involved in but that's less of a big deal and more fiddly.

Adding stuff you're involved in is fine. Just be aware that other people might edit later, and if there are controversies, that might include editing in ways that don't put your participation in a good light. We encourage people to add stuff they know, and in fandom, that's often "stuff I'm directly involved in." The biggest issue here is privacy - we've got some complicated rules about maintaining privacy; we discourage connecting people's usernames with real names unless it's directly relevant (and sometimes not even then). And sometimes we separate usernames on one platform from usernames on another one. (If you have permission from the people involved, then multiple names are fine.)

Post EVERYTHING we want it ALL anYtHinG iS GoOd. Don't care how good the language is. We have a regular editor whose native language is not English and she translates with Google Translate and posts that way and someone goes through later and cleans up the phrasing AND WE LOVE THIS.

We don't have a "notability" standard like Wikipedia. We don't have a "citation needed" thing, although info without sources may wind up being rephrased into "some fans claim that..." instead of phrased like an absolute fact.

If you and two friends made an 8-page zine that you printed on the school printer and handed out to about 12 people... that's worth a Fanlore page. If you planned to make a zine, and had a name and a template and two volunteer artists and a theme and you got some comments, but it never happened... that is also worth a page.

There's some weirdness around "what kind of fandom do we cover?" Theoretically, anything is welcome; in practice, we're not covering mainstream sports fandoms (y'know, the guys who dress up in blue & yellow facepaint and wear giant foam fingers) and we're edging around classic sci-fi convention-ish literary fandom. (We have some of that. But we're not trying to recreate or override Fancyclopedia's work.) We're also not trying to overlap tvtropes, which gets more complicated to sort out, because we do cover a lot of the same topics, but we have a different focus for them.

For myself, I'd love to see

More video game fandom coverage, esp related to mods, controversies/dramas, and the screaming that happens every time a company releases a remake on a new platform for more than the original. Also speedrunning info.

More conventions, especially media-fandom/fanfic-ish conventions

Fannish trends on TikTok

Cosplay. Lots of cosplay. We are missing so much info on the history & trends of cosplay.

Pages for modern zines and pages for the processes involved in making them. (When I got into fandom, there were no "interest check/ mod applications/ contributor applications" etc. phases.)

Everything that's going on in Discord OMG we are missing SO DAMN MUCH FANDOM that is only happening in closed communities that you can't even search the names of and they're all gonna fuckin' VANISH when Discord does some weird fannish purge thing.

Updating older/early pages with new info for those fandoms, or new ways their common tropes connect to new fandoms.

Also, we always need submissions and voting on the Featured Article Nominations. Anyone can suggest. Anyone can vote.

...as you might be able to tell, I can talk about this AT LENGTH IN GREAT DETAIL.

#fanlore #otw

[unluckyuncle]

PERMANENT RELATIONSHIP CALL - DONALD DUCK

Hello there! You wanna be friends with this son of a duck? I mean look at that face, he's a totally lovable guy! Lord knows he needs friends he spends most of his free time alone on a ship for Pete's sake.

Anyways, this is a call to anyone who I’ve threaded with, or would like to thread in the future! By liking the post, it’ll signal to me that you’re interested in having a long standing relationship with Donald. This can/will include stuff like:

- Sending specific memeing or prompts (all my ask answers are always open for reply if you want to ^^ )

- Priority in reply postings/starter calls (will ask for an Icon!)

- Plotting for just about anything, I’ll either message you or you can message me if you have an idea. I don’t mind receiving random starters, though I will definitely message if I have an idea for something LOL

- Placement/updates on his Relationships page

- And just generally having a good time with a duck man

I’ll likely be selective about that when it comes to who i’m interested in going more in depth with, specifically if we haven’t threaded before. If you’d like to get something started, I’ll reach out to you about it!

Of course, this is not required to thread with him at all! This is partially an interest check for ideas in the future, and partially a organizational tool for me since Donalds my busiest blog. All of it is meant for fun!

Below are some details about the kind of relationships Donald could have with your muse! Thank ya so much for taking interest!

Oh dang you’re serious! Cool! Anyways, here’s the deets:

The most common one will likely be a Father Figure type to your muse. Have some parental issues? Well look no further than a duck who’s a pretty gosh dang good father all things considered. Whether your father is dead, or possibly wants you dead here’s a lovely man to suit the void in your muses’ soul. He will not hesitate to adopt just about anyone. Usually just metaphorically... but also...

We could also have a bit of a Mentor/Mentee relationship. Basically being more of a classic Uncle Donald type where he’ll offer his support whenever it is needed. This has more of a focus on teaching, however, it ropes in with the previous dynamic. This would be applicable if you’d ever want to work on Donalds ship too as an apprentice. I think it’s fun for him to pass on his adventuring wisdom too.

Maybe your muse has a healthy relationship with their living parents (that sounds unrealistic) and just needs a pal. Donald can just be a Casual and/or Close Friend! He does drink, though not a lot, and can do just about anything that’s normal. To those who are closer to his age he’ll happily show kindness to (he might still be a little bit of a dad anyways. He can’t help himself ok).

There’s also the possibility of being a Rival, Enemy, or a Foil to be used by other characters to inflict pain... which seems unlikely but I can dream can’t I? It takes a whole lot to get on his bad side, but if your muse happens to choose to hurt others, then yeah Donalds gonna do what he can to stop ya. This one would be more of a ‘plotting’ thing especially, but I’m just putting it out that I am open to it. You’ll have to message me for this one, though.

For purpose of fairness, anyone is welcome to Adopt Him to. LOL he probably won’t even realize that he’s been adopted, but if you would like to care for the duck... yeah, he’s been super touched starved lately ngl. It’s super easy for him to overwork himself, or overstress himself and well, he’s just a little too independent for his own good. Being a single dad to three kids at 25 will do that to ya.

For the record, I’m not interested in shipping with anyone who isn’t named Daisy Duck, for no other reason than they’re literally perfect for each other in the series... ignore the fact I put his canon point back before her intro. Point is, being romantically involved is off the table, but if Ducks are your thing, I’m cool with him being flirted to LOL (he’s also just not really looking for it? If you need some relationship advice though... he’ll do his best??)

Last thing, you don’t have to message me with which one you want either (except for the enemy one)!! This is just a general list of what I’m open to, but if you want to do something that’s not on the list that’s a-ok with me to! Donalds a versatile character, so just about any and all things could apply to him. Plus for most muses, I kind of already have a sense of what he thinks of ‘em. 

Thanks for getting this far though! I’m really really excited about this ^^ that’s all I’ve got for now! May update this later, but I’ve been sitting on it for several months now, and now feels as good of a time as any to start rolling the ball.

#I'm so excited to work on his relationships page! #I love having the pictures uvu #( . ooc . ) // quack quack quack ⚓༄⋆｡°்⋆ #( . open thread . ) // ⚓༄⋆｡°்⋆ #( . queue . ) // swimming on in ⚓༄⋆｡°்⋆

[stregoniconiconii]

I posted 1,444 times in 2022

845 posts created (59%)

599 posts reblogged (41%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@stregoniconiconii

@steveharrington

@lesbianrobin

@sawasawako

@crookedtidalwaves

I tagged 678 of my posts in 2022

#stranger things - 131 posts

#stobin - 53 posts

#platonic stobin - 48 posts

#twilight saga - 47 posts

#spn - 22 posts

#codependent stobin - 21 posts

#pjo - 16 posts

#stobin cat agenda - 15 posts

#<333 - 11 posts

#steve harrington - 11 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#both aware that monsters exist and that the other knows about it and yet still it seems they didn't speak to each other until spring break

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

everyone jokes about kissing the homies goodnight until it’s steve and robin

nah but fr and they’d kiss the homies goodnight every night too wouldn’t miss a bed time ever

35 notes - Posted October 31, 2022

#4

still putting robin in a guest room by season 4 doesn’t make sense. They’re calling steve’s bed “the bed” robin has permanently taken over the left bedside table. Steve is constantly getting on to her about leaving her (empty) glass of water there all day. sometimes Steve puts a hand under his pillow and gets poked by the earring robin spent the last week looking for.

exactlyyyy like thats one of those details that i get tripped up on bc it’s like what do you mean….you place a wall between stobin? a whole wall? sacrilege…like maybe u have ur reasons but why

42 notes - Posted December 5, 2022

#3

actual codependent things I think robin and steve could do because they’re kinda fucked up and traumatised:

this is actually already canon: Steve being self-sacrificing, always putting himself in danger if it means robin (and the others) will be safe. Steve making sure the Russians were focused on torturing him and not robin, being the one to swim down to Watergate instead of anyone else.

I think robin puts off applying to college because she doesn’t want to leave Steve behind in hawkins. this is her own version of self sacrifice: she’s sacrificing her happiness and freedom by choosing to stay in hawkins. she probably feels guilty when she does start sending out applications.

also kinda canon: a little too involved in each other’s romantic relationships. Steve trying to figure out if vickie likes girls through her film choices and where she pauses comes to mind.

a more toxic way this can manifest: trying to protect each other from heartbreak by trying to prevent conflict. icing out romantic interests that they don’t like, stepping into their arguments to try and sort them out for them. very “it’s you and me, me and you, and your friend Steve” energy, but not that cute.

maybe more but these are definitely the main ways it shows up in their relationship

46 notes - Posted September 1, 2022

#2

the reason why steddie fucks so hard is because it’s browneyes4browneyes

61 notes - Posted June 18, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I was thinking about the head canon of Steve being Italian, through his mom because Harrington is like super Irish, and I have some ideas

first off, I don’t think Steve can speak Italian super fluently. I think his mom was first generation and she worked really hard to sound American and so she didn’t really speak it at home. Steve only heard Italian when his mom was on a long distance phone call with her family back home or when she got homesick and listened to an Italian language radio station. Steve loved hanging out with his mom though, and he loved listening in on her conversations because I know my boy is a little gossip, so he picked up on understanding the language fairly well, but never really got the hang of speaking it

until, when he was like 10 years old and they went to Italy for the summer. his nonna, who he had literally only talked to on the phone, was dying and she wanted her daughter to come back home. she and Steve go together, his dad comes for a couple weeks but then has to go back to work, and they’re there for months, fully immersed. he even spends a month at school with his cousins, who he gets along with pretty well. that’s not to say it was easy at first, definitely not

Steve probably spent the first few weeks there quiet as a mouse just listening to everyone speak. everyone thought he was just a dumb American, chastising his mother for not teaching him their language, teasing him because they thought he couldn’t understand. but they all get surprised when he speaks up when one of his aunts is going in on his mom and he calls her out in actually pretty good Italian. after that, he gets included more, his cousins discover that he’s actually pretty funny besides being American. he still gets teased because his accent needs some serious work, but by the time his Nonna dies and his dad is flying down for the funeral and to take them back to America, he feels pretty damn Italian

he half hopes that he and his mom could stay here, where he has family he actually gets a long with, but his dad’s kinda mad at how native they’ve gone while he’s been gone. now he’s the odd one out and he doesn’t like it. he brings them back to hawkins and issues an Italian ban because he doesn't like not knowing what his wife and son are talking about. and then news about the affair breaks out

see, while Steve and his mom were in Italy, hanging out with family, looking after a sick old lady, and preparing for a funeral, mr harrington was getting dirty with his secretary. so now his mom is paranoid that it will happen again if he gets out of her sights so she ends up going with him on a bunch of business trips. leaving poor Steve alone. and without the practice Steve’s Italian skills go downhill until high school and he starts taking a second language

not many people choose to take Italian, more going for French or Spanish, so it’s a small class. he thought it would be easy for him, since he already knew Italian even if he was out of practice, but this wasn’t the regional Italian his mom and her family spoke, this was The Official Italian Language. so it’s not as easy as he thought it would be but he actually manages to pick it up pretty quickly. yes, Italian is one of his best classes. yes, his accent is still pretty bad

anyway I don't think Steve keeps it a secret that he’s actually pretty good at Italian but not many people know. most of the kids in hawkins are barely passing Spanish or French, the few that are good at languages don’t think of him as someone good at languages so they don’t bother him. it’s not until robin claims she can speak Italian fluently that it even comes up

basically I think Steve and robin gossip in Italian bc they love that only they know what they’re saying. Steve teaches her some of the regional dialect he grew up on, she goes holy shit this means that we can hit up Sicily on our Europe trip and Steve’s very happy about that (because yay best friends trip and also he can visit his family again!)

120 notes - Posted September 22, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[supernaturalworldsofsecondlife]

The Unwelcoming Mat!

Unnatural Review Part 2; Uneventful Boogaloo

So if you haven't read part one yet, I highly recommend it. It details a little on Unnatural's magic system and kind of preps you for the mechanical side of things. But now I want to get into what I experienced and witnessed in the sim itself. So the first event was a bit on the spontaneous side as it dealt with a weather event/natural disaster. I'll get into more of those in a later post on why they're overused and just bad/boring in general -- I'm just prefacing here right away that I don't like these for very good reasons. One of them is exactly what happened. When it became clear that there was going to be severe weather in the area of where Ashmore was located, storytellers were quick to jump on it since it was a slow week. Hours later there was a severe thunderstorm and then rushed into a tornado event with only a handful of indicators throughout the Discord. Citizens were told to take shelter where they could. I chose Lazarus, which was a nightclub. People were packed in there like sardines when I finally managed to find it. While it wasn't the most clever usage of natural disasters, it did feel like they were trying to get people together. The problem is that they were getting people together who didn't really seem open to that idea. Especially if you're working an ice queen that's working that particular nightclub. See, my character's sexuality is of no secret. There was a pride bracelet, a necklace -- and he was pretty open about it when he happened on a friend. Yet no matter what I tried to do, this ice queen just seemed more interested in dealing with the pretty damsel-in-distress types rather than anyone else. So it was an awkward couple of hours with people just standing around because the ice was just EVERYWHERE. After the all clear was called, I left quickly as my friend and I started to notice that there was a rather large number of conservatives and it just didn't feel all that welcoming. The next event was a few days later -- a job fair. Given that my character is deep into the magic side of roleplay, I decided to head on over to the Spellbound booth! To my surprise, the person who played the ice queen was working the booth. "Maybe that's just how THAT character was," I thought. "Maybe this character is DIFFERENT?" Yeah, no. After STRUGGLING to get her character to give mine a simple job application, throwing all sorts of bones that he was a Phral -- that dog just wouldn't catch. After another hour of trying to get anything out of them, my character told theirs a story about a crystal ball paperweight catching his homework on fire when he was a kid. Not only did she misconstrue what was said, she attempted to run with it by admonishing the character based on that. This was strike three for me, so my character politely asked rhetorically, "You mean to tell me that you never done anything stupid when YOU were a KID?" She laughed it off and tried to half-ass play nice after that, but I was pretty much done and I made my exit not too long after. Meanwhile, my friend? He was trying to get his character a job with a cop (who's staff, so keep this in mind) and the cop was afk for over 30 minutes while watching an E3 panel. He didn't let my friend know and he was active in the gaming channel of their discord as it was happening. I neglected to mention that this particular staff member also came into Lazarus to give the all clear and would basically just ignore the majority of people and slipped in the back with a female employee of the nightclub. After finding out that there was also conservatives who aren't so friendly to BIPOCs and are obviously anti-LGBTQIA+ in their profiles -- we skipped town. Honestly, I tried to give Unnatural several chances to wow me. Each and every time I was met by the utter disappointment of wasted potential. While I may sound salty, there's literally zero excuses for what we experienced. If you seriously value your time -- Unnatural is the bottom of the barrel when it comes to roleplay sims. If you're looking for quality roleplay? You won't find much there.

#secondlife #secondlifeblog #secondlife roleplay #unnatural

[toshinoris-spouse]

[Permanent RP Ad | MHA/BNHA | Soulmate AU | Doubling]

Pen Name: Writer Age: 22 Currently: Accepting Age for RP Partner: 18+ Location: Discord/Google Docs Warning: I am very selective about this, please read the entire post.

All info that I figure is relevant has been posted under the cut. Enjoy!

Literacy: Literate/Advanced Lit Size of Replies: 6-8 paragraphs per side, so a total of 12-16 paragraphs per reply. Anywhere from 3.5k chars to 8k chars per side, usually (500-1,000 words per side). Genres: Romance, Adventure, Action, Fantasy Preferred Reply Speed: Anywhere from once a week to once a month. POV: Third Person, Past Tense. Fandom: My Hero Academia/Boku No Hero Academia Universe Type: Soulmate AU (more info later on) Where: Discord/E-Mail/Google Docs NSFW: I am fine portraying NSFW, but only between adult characters.

I will not accept adult x minor RPs. I am more than fine accepting CC x CC, OC x Canon, or SI x Canon from other parties.

I will not accept adult SIs that have been aged down to ship with teenagers.

The inverse holds true as well- I will not accept minor SIs that have been aged up to be with adults.

I can portray anyone for your OC (or canon if you want a CC x CC on your end), but do keep in mind that I only accept Toshinori Yagi as Finley Well's love interest. If you do not want to portray Toshinori Yagi for me in exchange for whoever on your side, please do not contact me.

The RP will automatically be a double-up. Please do not approach me if you are not ready to RP two ships at the same time.

Whether you prefer Discord. Google Docs, or E-Mail, I will be making a web of ways to talk to you. Bare minimum will be channels/E-Mail threads for: general OOC conversation, artwork and reference images, music we may want to send one another, character headcanons/info, plotting, specific in-universe details, planned events, filler ideas/little in-universe events, and another channel/thread for the roleplay itself.

I'd prefer to write the roleplay itself in either a Google Doc or via E-Mail, but I will set up a Discord server regardless.

Please be alright with my side (YagiFin) being a quickburn. I don't want to portray any slowburns (that's- not really my style) but I'm more than fine to do medium burns, if it's preferred over a quickburn romance.

Please send me a writing sample early on. I will not move forward to making a server/handing out my E-Mail until I have read your writing sample.

Please send me the info listed below, I don't have a passcode, but if this is not sent I will not respond to you:

Pen Name: Age Range: Favorite Genre to RP: Least Favorite Genre to RP: Preferred Romance Speed (quickburn/mediumburn): Favorite MHA Character(s): Favorite Arc (if any): OC / OC Info (if applicable): Timezone: Writing Sample:

You must be capable of writing in complete English, with decent grammar and spelling. A mistake every now and then is fine, but text loaded with spelling/grammatical errors will not be accepted.

While it is not required, I'm a bit of a purple-prose writer- so I enjoy writing emotions and thoughts into my responses, as well as general scenery and the like. It would be nice if you could match this, though it is not required, if you're more of a technical writer. I do, however, wish you luck in somehow meeting the word minimum.

Another 'not required' but it is in this area since it fits nowhere else: it would be nice if our characters could root for each other! Whether it be your OC and Fin's being friends supporting the other's blossoming relationship, or other such things- I just find that kind of link between characters helps make the roleplay more fun!

Please be sure to read the Soulmate AU Info section in its entirety. If you have any questions, feel free to let me know- and if you can, please let me know early on if you have anywhere in particular you want the Words to be for your pairing, as well as what the Words are!

The RP will always start near the start of the MHA series. I like to RP through the series from the top, in each RP. I also enjoy incorporating each of the movies (as I can) into the RP, depending on how far I get.

Note: My timezone is EST! Also, I will not be doing any RPs that are particularly angst-heavy, as that isn't my style. I prefer fluffy romance, but I will do some angst (since fluff cannot exist in a vacuum). If you're here just to torture a couple, please contact someone else, that's not my jam.

The Soulmate AU I’ve crafted starts with one of the base ideas of a generic Soulmate AU - the first Words your soulmate will ever say to you (if you have any) are written somewhere on your body, in your soulmate’s native language and specific handwriting. These Words are pitch-black until spoken to the target, and once spoken, they will glow- until the target realizes who their Soulmate is. One cannot die until their Words have glowed at least once, so there are some who are incredibly reckless as a result. There are some who wander the world, their Words having been glowing for years- but with no idea as to who their Soulmate is.

The Words begin to feel as though they are burning if a Soulmate is in danger- it can range from a faint uncomfortable sensation to an intense agony, like one is being branded or cut through with a blazing knife (the strength of the burning sensation depends on the danger the Soulmate is in, with life-threatening being the most painful). Any injuries that occur to one’s Soulmate’s Words can be felt by the other person, on their Words. Words are also located in generally the same location, and Soulmates can be polycules or couples, or anything in between- and range from romantic to platonic.

Some actively seek out their Soulmate(s) for the sake of the power boost such a meeting offers. To meet your Soulmate is to have your stats suddenly see an increase- though it isn’t always the best. Heroes have been tied with Civilians. Villains have been tied with Heroes. Soulmates of powerful or important individuals (if an important individual has a Soulmate) have to be careful due to the target on their back, since if your Soulmate dies, so do you. It’s not an immediate death- but within the course of a month, if one’s Soulmate has died… They will wither away as well, the speed at which it occurs depending on their willpower, but none who have Soulmates survive beyond a month after their Soulmate’s death.

Sections of Hero Agencies have been dedicated to protecting Pro Heroes’ Soulmates, and kidnappings have been known to happen when a Villain finds their Soulmate. Civilian pairings are the safest- but by no means happen all the time. Some think the Words are a curse, but there is no way to remove them.

There are also some Quirks that are Soulmate-centric, and thus do not affect those without Soulmates.

Toshinori Yagi has spent years keeping All Might’s Soulmate tie a secret. He made sure his costume’s sleeves were long enough that no one would ever see the two simple Words written there- dodging questions about having a Soulmate every chance he could. He’d never met them, his Words were pitch-black… Two simple Words, in scratchy English: Oh, hi!

He could never let anyone know All Might had a Soulmate. The target that would be painted on such an individual… They would never survive.

And then he met the supposedly-Quirkless little Finley Well, an American who moved to Japan two years prior and took up a job as the lead of the Construction Crew at U. A., setting records for rebuilding times and dedicating their all to their projects under Thirteen. The top Hero was asked, as one of his first jobs at U. A., to inspect Finley Well’s work- but nothing could prepare him for actually seeing this small person, whose left wrist began to glow the second he spoke two simple Words: Hello there!

He had found his Soulmate… When he had long given up on ever knowing them at all.

Toshinori’s stat increase was that his timer as All Might doubled, and even after episode 49 of the anime/his fight with AfO, he can technically turn into All Might for a few minutes at a time- but his power is still greatly diminished. Diminished far too much for him to continue his work as a Hero, though it does help in split-second circumstances, if he burns through what few minutes he has in a momentary burst of strength.

Fin’s stat increase was a general increase to their strength, speed, and stamina to near superhuman levels- they can lift up to 550lbs after meeting All Might, and run up to 24mph (though it takes a little bit to get to that speed). Their Quirk remained as it was, with no noticeable increase- though at the time that Fin met Yagi, they didn’t know ‘Quirkless’ meant something a little more when it came to them.

Generally, when I RP in this AU, one of my first questions for others about their ships is: What Words they want their ship to have, and where. This helps immensely in setting up the starter.

A warning that this writing sample is taken from an RP I was doing on Discord- it was a starter I wrote. In it, I was portraying Bakugo for another party.

[]

What was with all these beginners, honestly… Bakugo thought that U. A. was only for the best of the best, so he had been expecting some competition… And competition didn’t thrive better than in strife. So he hadn’t bothered to be kind or caring during the entrance exam, taking down faux-villain after faux-villain, laughing with each successful obliteration of each target. This was just a stepping stone on his path to be the best- none of these damn extras mattered. He knew he didn’t need a single one, a thought he’d long known- ever since he was a child, really. He was the smartest at his old school, the best of the fucking best....

So why the FUCK was that green-haired bastard in his class?! He ground his teeth. He was supposed to be the only one who graduated from that damn school, but apparently, not. As if to further ruin his day, a cloud had passed over U. A. at the time- darkening the world but for a second, a mere fraction of how upset Bakugo was. He breathed in, ready to unleash a round of vitriol once more. There was no WAY Deku had managed to get in here- he was fucking Quirkless!! Was he just- some damn pity-pet?---

Oh, there was someone in the way.- Another one of the students in his class, class 1-A… The best of the best, though he found himself momentarily (internally) stunned looking at her. Long, flowing pink hair, ears tapered to a point, glistening wings that nearly made him think of fairy tales... He blinked, anger once more reigniting as Deku started idly chatting with one of the other students. No amount of pretty faces could stop him, roughly pressing forward, ruby eyes glaring daggers as pale-blonde hair almost bristled.

This place may have been one of wonder for the others- but to Bakugo, it was just another step to take. Another hurdle to jump over. He would figure out all their weaknesses, prove he was leagues ahead. Other Heroes needed friends and connections- but not All Might, not his Hero. Not the Hero he was going to be. But for a moment, just a moment… What if- no. He could- would- do this, on his own. Whatever that strange sense was that had begun to wriggle in his chest, he crushed it underfoot.

“Move aside, you damn extra!” And so he pressed on, ready to give Deku a piece of his mind, scare the twerp into never coming back to U. A.,--- a presence. His hearing aids had been turned down, nearly silent- but he turned them up instantly, one hand moving fast as he could to change the setting- too fast for those untrained to notice.

“Settle down….” A tired voice spoke from the front of the room. Bakugo turned, ready to call out the teacher who had dared tell him to settle down- only to go quiet. This teacher… Didn’t look like one who would back down if he decided to get rowdy… So for now, he’d play along. “...good.”

Aizawa huffed as tired black-hues examined the new students. Every year, another batch… Every year, so many expelled. They weren’t good enough, usually… But this set… Showed some promise. He could see some of the Words the kids had, and instantly, he was already regretting telling Nezu he would be at U. A. for another year. But, it was too late to back out now… He was going to be stuck with teenagers, some of whom would probably find their soulmates in this classroom… A nightmare.

“...put on your gym uniforms and meet me outside…” He shed his yellow sleeping bag, revealing a horribly disheveled appearance. He cared not for how the kids reacted… He just needed them all outside.

Bakugo was still glaring daggers, but he’d sat down- only to now stand as they were all commanded to change. The year had begun... And while he hadn’t realized it, so had something else.

[]

“Pfff, none of you nerds should even be here…” Bakugo rolled his eyes. The challenge had been set, the line drawn in the sand. Aizawa-sensei had said it himself- whoever scored lowest today would be expelled, immediately… And Bakugo already knew who was going to be at the bottom of the list. Ruby hues barely glanced over his competition.- Their Quirks were all lesser. He would win, with top scores…

🔮 | 🛠

“‘Kay mates!” The brunet called into the radio. “Inspector’s due in five minutes, so wrap up whatever you’ve got!” They clicked the radio off, sliding it into a holder in their belt before turning towards the freshly-rebuilt site. Another exam site completely reconstructed from the ground up, looking for all intents and purposes like a generic set of city blocks.

“Y’got this, y’got this, you so got this.” They had clenched their hands into fists, rapidly pumping them up and down for a few moments, as if to psych themself up. It was a rather dreary day- unlike the day of the entrance exams, clouds had begun to move across Japan, and for the time being, the site was a bit darker than it would have otherwise been. The cold winter air bit into their uncovered arms, pale skin refusing to yield and form goosebumps. “It’s just another inspection, y’can do this… Even if Nezu said it was some ‘new staff member’...” They shook their head.

No time to think about that- the inspector, whoever they were, would be by soon to check all their work and make sure it was up-to-parr with U. A.’s guidelines… Fin had memorized those when they first started the job, so if the inspector needed help, they could easily give it.. Though they wondered if the person would even think they worked here… The amount of times Nezu’s rotating gallery of inspectors had thought Fin was some student playing hooky…

“Stop, thinking, like, that!” They clapped their hands together. “You’ve got this, just don’t make any dark jokes and you’ll be solid.” A sigh as they pulled up their earbuds, pushing in both. Robotic voices murmured into either ear, letting them know that sound cancellation had been turned on. Fin leaned on one leg as they pulled their phone out of a pocket. They had a few minutes… So who was to stop them from enjoying a song or two while they waited?

“Started crawling in my skin…” Fin sang softly, their voice dropping into English, the southern accent filtered out for the time being as they tried to match the voice in their ears. They pulled a single earbud after a few moments. It’d be better if they could actually hear, just in case… “Lookin’ for a way out… I can feel it happenin’, so I talk myself down…cause right now…”

To any outsider, Fin probably looked quite strange. A small brunet dressed in a construction uniform that was a size too big, a small badge on the top right of their chest reading ‘Finley Well - Construction Crew Lead’. They seemed perfectly at ease in a black tank top that was a size too big despite the nipping cold…and Fin was sure that the first words they’d be hearing from the inspector would be ‘shouldn’t you be in class’. It was always annoying, having to make sure the other realized they weren’t just some kid from the main building… But they had to make sure they weren’t mistaken.

A few of their crew passed by, offered waves by the leader as they grinned.

“Enjoy tomorrow!” Fin’s neutral expression momentarily broke into a playful smile. A day off in exchange for completing the site a day or so ahead of schedule… Not enough to break a record (again) but Fin could hope and dream.. They were sure they’d get another chewing out from Thirteen- ‘take a damn break once in a while’ most likely being the highlight.

They waited until their staff had all left, watching each vehicle power on… And then drive away, leaving Fin standing outside of the now-empty site, a song playing into their ears as they awaited the inspector’s arrival. They breathed in, tried to calm their nerves as their hands began to freeze.

“When my mind starts misbehavin’, is when I tell myself.. ‘Okay, baby you’ll be okay, you just gotta keep on, keep on, you just gotta keep on’…” There was a reason they tried to get the rest of their crew out before the inspector arrived- like them, most of their crew wasn’t keen on talking to superiors, and worried whenever inspection day came around… So Fin had them all leave, that way only they would take the brunt of the internal panic. They were so lost in trying to calm down, they had lost track of their surroundings.

#But I swear it feels real/When you take my hand | Writer/Mun #long post #mha rp ad #mha rp #bnha rp ad #bnha rp #rp ad #my hero academia rp #boku no hero academia rp #roleplay ad #i'mma put you on the schedule/but i can't make any promises | queue #//once this posts I hope to put it in the p1nned #//well- link to it in the p1nned but anyway

[goodthoughts001]

Tag Team Casino Malaysia

Ok...so it's not really tag team wrestling action but it is new, fun and creating more rivalrys than college football. Its team play at Casino Malaysia and the idea is to create a team of buddies and compete against other teams in poker tournaments for cash and prizes but most of all its about the thrill of kicking somebody's ass at the poker tables.

This is without a doubt the best spin on online poker in a long time. I'm tryin to put together a kick ass team and start playing in the league. If you are interested in joining "Team Poker Freak" just sign up Here drop me a line at webmaster(at)worldseriespoker.ws. I want to get 10 damn good players before we create the team, so when the team is created ,its full already and we don't have to worry bout waiting for a full team. SO c'mon people...drop me a line and tell me why you are good enough to play for Team Poker Freak Here are some of the details:

A team consists of a Team Manager and up to nine other players. The Team Manager can recruit and hand-pick his players, accept applications from suitable players or simply allow anyone to join. Naturally he can also fire players.

The team is arranged around a communal Team Wallet whereto the manager and the players can transfer funds. Once funded, the Team Manager can use these Team Wallet to enter the team into league and eliminator events

Once the team is setup and the Team Wallet funded, it’s time for the team to hit the action!

By locating exciting events players can suggest certain events to the rest of the team. If enough team members sign-up for this event, the Team Manager can complete the buy-in and sign the team up for the event. Only team members who have actively registered for an event are affected by it. Only they will pay a share of the buy-in and only they will share any eventual prize money

Damn....What a year 2023 was, with online poker still booming and poker tournaments practically tripling overnight it's no wonder so many people are shooting for the cash. The WSOP went from 700+ entries in 2023 to 5600 in 2023. The 2023 Satellite Tournaments have already started as the main event is only a few months away. Who in the hell knows how many prople will be in this years tourney but if everything holds true to previous years I would say probably somewhere in the 7500-9000 range. What this means is even more money than '05 which at 7.5 million was already a record but at the same time it also means more competition

Anyway, I posted the satellite schedule Here on my wsop blog. You can enter some of these tourneys for as little as $2 bucks or you can always buy-in direct for as little as $50. This is damn cheap considering you could walk away not just a millionaire but a MULTI-Millionaire. The past 3 years has proven you don't have to be a pro to win as an "unknown" has won 3 years in a row, of course if you do win its a fact that you will no longer be unknown but instead you will probably find that you had friends and cousins that you didnt even know you had!

WTF.....Free poker games are everywhere you look these days. You dont have to go very far to find free downloads, free deposit bonuses and just plain free money. With the poker rooms fighting tooth and nail for every new poker player we all win! Almost every room has either WSOP Satellites leading to the world series of poker or WPT Satellites going directly to the world poker tour. The good thing is you can virtually "play" your way to the big shows for free if you are willing to play in the freerolls that take place daily. Check it out for yourself and see what I mean!

[91vaults]

I’ve been thinking about the AI art debate as i sit with bleach in my hair and I’ve pinned down what bothers me about it

It’s not weather or not AI art is soulless or “bad” (that ultimately doesn’t matter)

I think what bothers me is the assumption that text prompting and doing it “the old fashioned way” are in any way comparable skill sets. In both cases you need discerning taste to know if the end result is what you wanted and you need an idea. That’s it’s. Text prompting is an iterative process where you wrangle what you want from the machine. It’s more akin to programming. I’m not bothering to make a value judgment as to which is more “worthy” prompting isn’t devoid of creativity or effort.

But I think this assumption gets under the skin of many artists who put so much effort and time into their craft (including me and i’m like barley intermediate at best) I’ve played with Dall-E two and it’s a fun novelty but no matter what i generate it’s not really me, the idea is there but it’s not my work, i didn’t do it, it’s slightly addictive to see what you can come out with but it’s not satisfying. I wouldn’t post it anywhere, why bother? I wouldn’t really show anyone or post it anymore than the first results of a google search for “cool art” (the details are never right anyway)

I understand none of these feelings matter in the commercial space which is where we may see this play out. I’m also not talking about using it as part of a process, i can see it’s application in that regard.

But this idea that artists would embrace it as a tool (your primary tool)…is absurd. This isn’t like digital, digital is a natural extension of existing mediums, just on crack. This doesn’t need an artist, not really, you can use it as part of your process but at some point you become a middle man. So to say that artists should get good with the tool (some would even imply to drop traditional methods alltogether) i’m sure some artists would but i could never relinquish control or putting myself in the art. Not to that extent. It’s just not the same.

there was also a really interesting point somone made floating around on here that it’s odd to assume text prompting is going to be a marketable skill for any length of time, given how fast the thing improves.

So yeah Ultimatly I think what people are upset about is it removes the best part of actually making art.

anyway gotta rinse this stuff out

#dalle 2 #ai art #ai art discourse #thoughts #art thoughts #mid journey

[skysometric]

Mari0 10th Anniversary!

it's the tenth anniversary of Mari0 today... where has the time gone? i still vividly remember glancing over at the StumbleUpon page my friend had pulled up in our high school computer lab, detailing the portal gun, multiplayer, and most importantly, the full level editor. i followed the game's development like a hawk, eagerly anticipating each new blog post... until its eventual release, forever altering the course of my life.

how much do i owe to Mari0 and its community? let me count the ways.

2012

the very first thing i did with Mari0 was make a New Super Mario Bros. tileset. to show it off, i made a handful of levels under a very simple name – New Super Mario World – mostly playing around with the different structures i could build using these tiles.

once i released the first few levels, i got my very first feedback:

"your level design is really interesting."

that comment was EVERYTHING to me. it springboarded my entire level design career both in Mari0 and beyond! without this little push, i would not be where i am today.

New Super Mario World would go on to be my biggest mappack, as well as one of the few that i actually finished – and it would kickstart years of Mari0 level designs in over a dozen mappacks total. all it takes is a little validation... always be kind to fledgling creators!

2014

i stuck around on the forums – not just for Mari0, but because everyone there was genuinely wonderful to be around. we had our rough patches, but for the most part we were a tight knit community – my first online friends!

one day a new forum thread popped up called "Livestream Thread," that introduced me both to Twitch and to streaming in general. we declared 2014 the "year of streams" and supported each other both with streaming and chatting... i got to know my new friends so much more deeply!

i tried my hand at streaming as well – and that changed my life too! it helped me become far more outgoing, as i learned how to be comfortable speaking in public, both large and small groups. and the community was so supportive... it helped me find my voice!

2016

i heard about discord and started a server there for our community, hoping we could use it for streams and the like. we were already entrenched on steam, irc, and the forum – i didn't expect anyone to move from what they were already comfortable with.

today the server has over 400 members, both old and new, with a thriving community keeping Mari0 alive even after ten years... even though i didn't make the game like Maurice, or run the website and forums like Sašo – i was just in the right place at the right time to start this server.

i learned a lot about managing a community in such a short space of time, and i've made my fair share of mistakes... but i'm so humbled to play a part in fostering a new generation of our community, and i hope it's helped them grow as much as it's helped me grow over the years 💙

2018

Mari0: Special Edition's beta releases had already come and gone, but a select few of us kept maintaining it as a Community Edition, keeping interest in the game afloat. i was between jobs at the time, and had some time to add to CE as my first open source contributions.

i worked on porting Mari0 to Löve2D 11.x, fixing controller support from a previous port to 0.9.x, optimizing animated tiles, and other bugfixes... then, when it came time to look for another job, i listed CE on my resume as a moonshot, hoping it would attract some attention.

during my interview, i got TONS of questions about my work on CE... and then, i got the job. working on Mari0 helped get me hired!

it was far from the *sole* reason, of course, but i doubt my application would have stood out nearly as much without it. i still work there today!

2020

as if everything else wasn't enough, this community even helped me discover my identity – i came out as genderfluid, completing a five-year-long journey of acceptance and self-discovery that started on the forums.

i won't beat around the bush: i didn't "get" gender at first, and i had so much trouble trying to understand it. anytime somebody explained it to me, i would be reductive or dismissive in response.

but one day, somebody met my impatience with kindness... and it planted a seed.

hindsight really puts my answer in perspective, but it took a LONG time to understand and come to terms with – tons of research, asking about others' experiences, doing some hard introspection. all starting with this little spark that got me to think about it in a different way.

2022

what else does the future hold? i could make bold predictions about the state of the community, or bolder claims to finish my magnum opus of a mappack (Retrush) – but i could never have predicted any part of the last ten years, and so i shall make no attempt here.

instead i simply want to thank everyone for changing my life for the better.

Maurice, for making such a wonderful game. Sašo, for fostering such a wonderful community. and all of the friends i've made along the way, for touching my life.

i can only hope i've touched yours too!

no matter where the future takes us – whether Mari0 is part of it or not – i hope i get to be there with you, learning and growing alongside friends new and old, just as we have so far. so here's to ten years, and perhaps even ten more! let's go into the future together 💖

#Mari0 #stabyourself #gaming #writing #sky #backdated #gender #stories