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robininthelabyrinth · 3 years

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Beautifully Spent

aka Five Times Lan Qiren Left The Lan Sect Behind

- Chapter 2 -

A/N: As a note, each of these chapters is a separate story with a different point of divergence from canon timeline.

When Lan Wangji was six years old, and Lan Xichen nine, their mother died, breaking their hearts. Even Lan Qiren, who had never liked He Kexin and might have even hated her for having ruined all his dreams of travel, felt her absence keenly – he kept thinking of her at odd times, a matter of irrepressible habit. I should tell her about this next week, he would think as he watched his nephews accomplish something, or, upon receiving an offer to go night-hunting, We can’t go because we wouldn’t be able to make it back in time for the monthly visit, and then he’d abruptly remember she was dead and there would be no more monthly visits.

One time, sitting and watching Lan Wangji carefully practice his calligraphy during the time that would normally have been their monthly visit, he even found himself inexplicably wiping tears out of his eyes. It had been a struggle, but they’d finally gotten Lan Wangji to stop going to her door, ignoring snow and chill to wait there as if simply willing it would allow the door to open again, but he remained overly quiet, even quieter than he’d been before, the loss hurting him deeply, and seeing him hurt had hurt Lan Qiren. He tried to be subtle about it, to hide his abrupt display of emotionality, but before he knew it, Lan Wangji had come over to stand by his side, his little hands holding his own, earnestly mumbling, “Don’t cry, shufu, it’ll be all right” in an echo of what Lan Qiren had been trying so ineffectually to say to him.

“Yes,” he said, wiping harder, and ultimately giving up entirely and letting the tears stream down his cheeks, hiding his face entirely behind one of his sleeves. Lan Xichen found them at some point and curled up into Lan Qiren’s other side, tears starting to slowly seep down his own face; trying to hold back their strange shared grief was like trying to stop the tide. “It will be all right, eventually. I promise.”

He had made that promise too soon, it seemed: less than a week later, one of the elders remarked that it was time for Lan Xichen to take up some of the duties of running a sect.

“What?” Lan Qiren asked, blinking. “You’re joking. He’s nine.”

“He’s the future sect leader,” the elder said, and his gaze was cold. “Never forget, Teacher Lan, that although you fill the role now, you are only a custodian in his name.”

“That’s not the point I was making,” Lan Qiren said, frustrated; he had never been very good with words or with people. “Of course he will inherit the position, given time. But he is not even old enough for his own sword, and years away from night-hunting – why would you burden him with sect business? He’s far too young.”

“He is at exactly the right age to begin. How else can we ensure that he will not fall into the failings of his father or the crimes of his mother?”

“He is a child,” Lan Qiren stressed, wondering what he was missing. “We can only teach him to the best of our abilities, and hope that he does well with it; there’s nothing else that can be done.”

The elder shook his head. “We cannot take the risk of another generation of disaster. He must be trained, and trained now, trained well. If we do not take action, it may be too late, and he will be ruined.”

As you were, he didn’t say, but Lan Qiren felt keenly the burn of humiliation. He had never lived up to their expectations the way his brother had, and then his brother had gone and failed them all, too.

“What exactly are you thinking?” he asked, trying to dismiss the feeling of foreboding in his belly. An introduction to the burdens Lan Xichen would eventually face would not be so far amiss – a shichen a week of helping to transcribe simple letters, perhaps, or running errands, the sort of thing a boy could do and not be bored; that wouldn’t be too bad.

That wasn’t what they had in mind at all.

They wanted Lan Xichen to start tackling political problems at once, forcing him to make real decisions, deal with paperwork, and then also three times the usual lessons in sword and music, all the skills he would need to have. And all this, of course, on top of his regular lessons –

“We can assist, of course,” one of the elders said to the others, ignoring Lan Qiren’s aghast expression entirely. “But the sooner he grows accustomed to the work, the sooner he can step up –”

“You’ll crush him!” Lan Qiren exclaimed, interrupting, and he never interrupted the elders. “He’s a child, and a child who just lost his mother at that – how can you even suggest this? He would have no time to study in depth rather than shallowly, no time to think, to become his own person –”

“We will polish him into a perfect jade,” an elder said. “Him, and the younger one, too. What more do they need than to be of service to the sect?”

It wasn’t that Lan Qiren disagreed that service to their sect was the highest good, or that scholarly and martial pursuits were of the highest caliber, far more important than aimless play. He was a teacher, a strict one, and the sect rules accorded with his understanding: Learning comes first. But at the same time, there was learning and then there was learning – he was a teacher who cared for his students’ well-being, too. He knew that the approach proposed would not polish Lan Xichen into a jade but mold him instead, brutally pruning away any part of him that did not accord with the elders’ wishes.

It was just what they’d done to Lan Qiren the moment he became acting sect leader, after all.

They’d loaded him up with responsibilities until he’d nearly worked himself sick, refused to grant him the slightest freedom to travel even in a small and supervised manner, and they’d tried to force him to recant even those few things he did enjoy – composing music, teaching children. If he hadn’t already been as old as he was when it started, he wouldn’t have had the strength of will or determination to preserve even those few little things of his own…

“He should move into the hanshi soon,” another elder agreed. “If we expect him to take on the responsibilities of an adult, he should be treated as one.”

“Agreed. The sooner he disengages from messing around with his peers, the better. They will only distract him from what he needs to do.”

“I do not agree with this,” Lan Qiren said. “I am his guardian and his teacher. I do not agree.”

“I’m disappointed in you, Qiren,” one of the elders said, and Lan Qiren felt an automatic wash of shame, instinctive and ingrained after all these years. “You took the sect leader position with the knowledge that it would not truly be yours, and now you wish to preserve your personal power longer?”

I never wanted the position, which offers only power in exchange for its brutal demands! I still don’t want it! But to put it onto a child, any child, much less my own nephew who I love – how could I agree to that?

“You must not be selfish, as your brother was,” another elder scolded him, and normally Lan Qiren would be the first to agree. Being like his brother was his worst fear, and one he would do anything to avoid – but at the moment, the reminder felt wrong, as if they were using it as a tool to manipulate him rather than expressing what they really thought. “Do not cling to power and authority, after all. You cannot and must not steal what belongs to your nephews, Qiren. Never forget your place.”

Lan Qiren stared at him mutely. His place?

He had never been selfish. He had sacrificed everything – he had been filial and loyal, obedient to his elders, and they had taken everything from him, just as they planned to do to the two children that had been entrusted to his care. The only difference was that Lan Qiren had been allowed to live freely for a little while, and even that freedom was only because the elders had utterly ignored him in favor of his more talented brother, who had been protected by the love of his powerful father; for his nephews, who were all but orphaned and left only in his inferior care, there was no such defense.

This time, it was clear that the elders meant to rectify the situation – this time, they wouldn’t even leave Lan Wangji his childhood, let alone Lan Xichen.

They would hollow them out and leave them as little more than puppets, blindly obeying the rules without having the time to contemplate their meaning. They would squeeze out every moment of every day, turning each endless shichen into a joyless burden, transforming the rules into little more than a yoke to chain them – his nephews wouldn’t be Lan, who chose willingly to obey because they loved the rules and loved their sect and wanted to give everything for it. They would be little better than slaves.

Perhaps, Lan Qiren thought suddenly, it was not his selfishness that the elders were constantly seeking to correct. Perhaps it was their own.

He tried, first and foremost, to argue with them, but they did not listen to him. They had never listened to him, not from the first moment he had yielded to their wishes over his own desires and allowed himself to be trapped in the Cloud Recesses as the new sect leader. No – it was even older than that, from even before then, from as far back as when he had been small and helpless and crying out for help in his own way, not even knowing what was happening to him and why…

They had always turned their faces away.

Lan Qiren had tried his best to please them, and had failed. He’d thought the blame lay with him, but now he wasn’t so sure – now he thought that it didn’t matter what he did, that he never would.

Lan Qiren’s nephews were the ones who were small and helpless now, and unlike the elders that should have watched over him, he would not turn away.

The plan he hatched was ruthless in the extreme, but there was nothing else he could think of in his desperation. The Lan sect had always been very secretive, in its own way, keeping outsiders from knowing their personal business; although everyone within the sect knew that it was the elders who held all the real power, even if they disdained the work of it and left much of that for Lan Qiren to accomplish, from the outside it appeared as though Lan Qiren were sect leader, invested with all the powers of one.

To be a sect leader, in their day and age, was to be a tyrant.

No need to look at Wen Ruohan, the chief example of this trend, a man who made his sect kneel and touch their heads to the floor upon hearing that he was coming. It was enough to look instead at the Jiang sect, whose sect leader Jiang Fengmian whiled away his days waiting for his old lover to write, ignoring his wife despite her maternal family’s power and influence within his territory. Look at the Jin sect, where Jin Guangshan bedded every prostitute and poor young lady within range, surrounded by a cloud of rumors regarding whether he’d bothered to get all of them to consent – rumors there might be, but no one dared to make any trouble for him over it without actual proof. Look at Lao Nie, whose sect, elders and all, sighed and shook their heads over his excessive fondness for dangerous people, but could take no action to stop him.

Look at Lan Qiren’s father, who had spoiled one child into madness and neglected the other into near despair, and had trained his whole sect to accept it as a given. Lan Qiren was working to repair that damage, to lead by example, but it was a hard upward struggle – rot might start at the head, and healing, too, but the healing was harder than the rotting.

A sect leader, in short, was a tyrant.

And as far as the world was concerned, Lan Qiren was the sect leader.

Lan Qiren bided his time until the next discussion conference. It hurt him to wait, seeing poor Lan Xichen get stretched thin under his new duties and constantly reminded to keep a serene smile on his face throughout, seeing poor Lan Wangji so stressed at his brother’s misery and his own amplified lessons that he'd started biting people again, but he knew it was necessary. A discussion conference meant outsiders, and outsiders meant not losing face; it was the one time that Lan Qiren was actually treated as a sect leader by all around him, the one time no one would gainsay anything he said, even if they would later tear strips off of him in private.

It was his only chance.

"I have an announcement," he said mildly, presiding over the large gathering that marked the conclusion of the discussion conference. His Lan sect was the host of this conference, and he was accordingly seated at the head of the room, equal with the other Great Sects but given additional deference in view of the location - it was easy for his voice to carry, despite his quiet tone, and all the sects turned towards him to listen. They were probably expecting something anodyne, some additional prize or information about the weather to keep in mind as they departed. "I have decided that my Lan sect's ties to the rest of the cultivation world have grown stale, seeing each other as we do only at these times and the common people only on night hunts. As a result, in my authority as Sect Leader Lan, I intend to make a journey throughout the various sects, taking along my nephews to introduce them to your families. In my absence, the Cloud Recesses will be managed by my cousin, Lan Yueheng -"

Talk exploded in the whole audience, furious and loud, all but his own Lan sect which was calm and stone-faced as always, though of course that was only their pride and concern for face overwhelming their shock. Poor Lan Yueheng was the exception, of course, his jaw dropping open like a weight dropped from a great height until his neighbors noticed and elbowed him in the side to make him stop - Lan Qiren mentally apologized for not having warned his cousin up front. He hadn't dared to risk it.

" - and accordingly I will be leaving alongside the rest of you at the conclusion of this conference," he concluded, for once relieved that his voice never varied far from a monotone; he sounded cool and calm and in control, and like he hadn't noticed the way his sect elders were trying to strangle him with their gaze even as the maintained decorum. "Our first destination is the Nie sect's Unclean Realm, with Lao Nie as our host."

Lan Qiren hadn't warned Lao Nie, either, but he knew him well, and to his relief hadn't misjudged him - the other man didn't spare so much as a moment to blink in surprise, instead grinning broadly at the other sect leaders.

"You bet you are," he laughed, his voice booming and loud. "And don't think I'll let you leave so quickly, Qiren - not until your nephews are best friends with my sons, and not until you've had a chance to work your magic on my sect's younger generation and turn them from little beasts into proper gentlemen!"

Lan Qiren barely resisted rolling his eyes - he still didn't know who it was that had come up with the nonsense about him being able to turn the most hopeless waste into a gentleman, but it was rank exaggeration. But to his surprise, the first person to respond was the head of one of the more distant small sects, Baling Ouyang, a young man with an excitable temperament; he leapt up to his feet and exclaimed, "Will he really? Sect Leader Lan, I insist you visit my Ouyang sect next, if you haven't made firm plans - I scarcely recognized my little hellion nephews after a season in your care, all grown up, careful in thought and action, compassionate and upright...and no more pranks!"

Another exaggeration. The Ouyang twins had been troublesome only at the start, until Lan Qiren realized that what they longed for most was recognition as separate beings rather than a collective whole; as soon as he'd treated them with respect, and showed them how to act in return, they'd taken to his lessons like a desert to water.

"Sect Leader Lan's skill in teaching is very well known," Sect Leader Yao said, always first to speak after his friend from the Ouyang sect. "You'll really come to our sects to do it, rather than our children to the Cloud Recesses? And you won't charge, of course...?"

"Naturally no," Lan Qiren said, a little puzzled by their enthusiasm. Was it so expensive to send children to the Cloud Recesses? He’d never charged for his lessons, although he supposed there was the cost of travel and maintenance to the standard preferred by students, and of course guest gifts were customary, although he never made any demands. "I would be your guest, and enjoying your hospitality – room and board would be more than sufficient…"

"In that case, you should come to Pingyang next -"

"No, Yueyang!" someone else called, and before Lan Qiren knew exactly what was happening, the sect leaders were arguing over who he should visit first. The most enthusiastic were the ones whose children he had taught already, but the others were quick to catch up, loathe to miss out on what they perceived to be a good deal - even Wen Ruohan, never one to lose out to others when it came to something perceived of as desirable, extended an offer with a smug, snake-like smile.

Lan Qiren provisionally accepted all the offers with a growing sense of relief: with such public acceptance, the Lan sect would lose more face by refusing to let him go than in allowing his unorthodox action. It was just as he has hoped, and more successful than he'd dared to dream; the other sects had fixated on his teaching skills and in doing so had ignored the strangeness of a sect leader taking his heirs and all but running away from home.

That relief carried him through to the end of the meeting, when everyone divided up to pack up their things, and Lan Qiren returned to the inner parts of his sect to do the same.

"What are you thinking?" one of the elders demanded the second they were alone. "Have you gone mad?"

"Did you see the reception of my idea?" Lan Qiren replied, hiding the giddiness of relief under a facade of calm. "The sect will benefit greatly from the connections we will make."

"That's no answer!"

Lan Qiren was a filial child; even if they were wrong, he would not tell the elders so to their faces. Instead he only bowed deeply and said, "What's done is done. I need to get ready, and quickly; it would be embarrassing if we weren't prepared."

Of course, he'd already packed everything he thought he'd need, determined to take Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji with him no matter what - it was only luck that his plan had worked as well as it had, allowing him to pretend to some move of subtle strategic genius rather than a retreat out of desperation. Still, he needed to go through the motions.

"Fine," another elder spat out, although their demeanor made it clear that it wasn't fine at all. "But did you have to announce that the provisional leader was Lan Yueheng? He's completely unfit!"

By which they meant that he wouldn't listen to them - that he was brash and lacked tact, said what he thought and cared for nothing but his experiments, his wife, and his children. Out of all of Lan Qiren’s cousins, he was the most thick-faced, shameless to the extreme, essentially immune to criticism or guilt.

That was, of course, exactly why Lan Qiren had picked him.

"He's good at math and accounting, and at arranging provisioning," Lan Qiren said, picking the more acceptable reason. "That's the key responsibility left over, isn't it? Everything else, I can do through correspondence."

The reassurance that Lan Qiren would still be doing his duty to the sect - would still be accountable to them - helped settle some ruffled feathers. It wouldn't be pleasant to try to do the work of sect leader from abroad, Lan Qiren knew; it would mean a lot of sleepless nights slaving away by candlelight, with no support from any aides, bearing all the weight himself. No doubt the elders knew it too, and figured that he'd soon enough lose interest in what he heard them calling, in hushed voices where they thought he could not hear, his "little show of rebellion".

Lan Qiren didn't care. The sooner they left, the better the chances that the elders would continue to be deceived into thinking that Lan Qiren was doing all this for his own sake - some last stab at achieving his long forgotten dreams, doomed to inevitable disappointment - instead of what it really was, which was freedom for his nephews. They couldn't be assigned work or classes from a distance; their education would be wholly in Lan Qiren’s hands.

He'd take a thousand sleepless nights of overwork if it meant they got to be children a little longer.

"Are we really going to the Unclean Realm?" Lan Wangji lisped, looking even more rosy-cheeked and excited than usual. "Will – will Nie-gongzi will be there?"

"Yes, Mingjue-xiong will be there," Lan Xichen said, and grinned at Lan Qiren over his brother’s head. He looked more carefree than he had in...possibly years, and Lan Qiren briefly regretted how long it had taken him to do this. "Since you like him so much."

Lan Wangji turned bright red at once.

"Both of the Nie boys will be there," Lan Qiren said. "The younger one is closer to your age, Wangji. You can get to know him as well."

Lan Qiren went next to the library pavilion, looking for books on their sect rules - he might not trust his sect elders, but he loved his sect, loved their rules and traditions, and he wanted his nephews to love it, too. He wanted them to see the Cloud Recesses as a refuge, as a haven - not a burden.

He would give his nephews the freedom he'd longed for, and when they were older...when they were older, more resilient, more sure of who they were, he would bring them back and he would ensure that they obtained their rightful inheritance. In full, not in part - Lan Xichen would be a real sect leader, not a puppet for the elders, taught only to be pleasant and yielding and to perform well with his cultivation, swordsmanship and music only for the purpose of impressing outsiders. Lan Wangji would be his brother’s right hand, would love and respect him and be loved and respected in turn.

Maybe, Lan Qiren thought to himself, amused, they would even find some compatible child on their way and one day return to bring them home as a dao companion.

He couldn't wait to find out.

#mdzs #lan qiren #lan xichen #lan wangji #sect leader nie #my fic #my fics #beautifully spent

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lubdubsworld · 3 years

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Change of Heart ( Taehyungx OC)

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7

Summary : Times are changing. After years of being oppressed, werewolves are taking a stand against humans , demanding equal rights and fair treatment. Heading the movement is Kim Taehyung, the breathtaking heir to the Kim fortune and one of the few remaining Alpha werewolves in the country. His disdain for the human race is well known and well warranted. They killed his family after all….. He wants to change the world , to put humans in their place but when his five year old daughter takes a shine to their very human neighbor , maybe he has to start with a change of heart , first.

: Pairing : Taehyung x OC / Werewolf AU!!

Genre : Romance, Explicit Content.

Warnings : story gets a little serious from now on out... there's a lot of sexism, misogyny, degradation of women , and well morally untoward actions by people ......the oc gets roped into something exploitative and wrong. She is consenting but she's also pressured. So , please remember that this is just fiction.

Chapter 8

“Rae, calm down... i didn’t mean i want you to leave right now..” Taehyung gripped both my wrists with his hands , tugging me away from my things . When I didn’t move, he gave me a gentle nudge toward to bed, prompting me to sit down.

“You’re just-” I began angrily but he cut me off.

“Just sit down for a second and we can talk about this.” He begged, grip gentle as he held my hands . I tried to pull my hands away but he merely linked our fingers together, squeezing gently.

I glared at him but sat down nonetheless. He stared down at me for a second before carefully, kneeling down in front of me.

My throat went dry at that. I doubted Kim Taehyung had ever kneeled , anywhere, in his entire life.

“I’m sorry, Rae. “ He whispered, thumb tracing circles on the back of my palm. “ I was out of line talking to you like that. I would like to think, after everything we’ve been through, we’re at least friends.”

Someone put me out of my misery, I closed my eyes in dejection.

“Please don’t give me a , ‘ we’re better off as friends’ speech... Please, I absolutely cannot handle that from you right now.” I whispered.

“That’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying that I was out of my head when I came here just now, things were going south in the office and I was stressed out.... I swear I didn’t come here intending to talk to you about Eun Woo..... I came here to check up on you.....I just, I saw you with Jungkook and then you told me you were going to leave with him and I panicked and told you about Eun Woo. I’m sorry and I know I shouldn’t have sprung that on you. Not now, when you’re clearly still hurting.”

I stared at him.

“You know just the right things to say, don’t you?” I shook my head.

Taehyung made a noise of impatience, scooting forward on his knees and his hands dropping to grip my waist through the thick towel wrapped around me. Suddenly aware of being just in my towel, I stopped breathing when he pressed closer, kissing the edge of my jaw.

“I wasn’t trying to manipulate you into sleeping with me. Trust me...when I was talking to Seokjin about not wanting to mate you... I didn’t mean that I didn’t want you because I wasn’t attracted to you....I meant that I didn’t want to forcefully bring you into a world that is going to be cruel to you.”

“I don’t know if I can believe anything you tell me anymore.” I said softly and his arms came around me, tugging me closer till he pressed his face into the curve of my breasts.

“I’m not just anybody, Rae....You know that. Being with me isn’t the same as being anyone on the street. I.. I’m a public figure. Someone who has made his disdain for humans pretty clear.... “ He pulled back to stare at me. He looked devastated and I felt my heart lurch treacherously again . He pressed another kiss, this time to my lips, before drawing back.

“I know I hurt you.....but my cause is bigger than me, than anything I could want or desire. There are people out there...my people... people who have spent hundreds of years being punished for something they can’t control. And until , I o my part , until I use my wealth and power to bring some change in their lives, I don’t belong to myself.” He looked haggard , pressing his palms to his face, rubbing the exhaustion out of his eyes and I couldn’t harden my heart against the pang of sympathy that bloomed inside me.

“I’ve never asked you to give up on your cause. Isn’t that the whole reason i came with you last night?” I reminded him and he nodded.

“Yes...and look how that left you. “ He shook his head, “ I wasn’t even rough , Rae. I felt like a bull in a fucking china shop, touching you. So scared of breaking something, so fucking terrified I was going to hurt you ....It drove me fucking crazy...”

I stared at him in disbelief , reaching out and cupping his cheeks, forcing him to stare at me. .

“ Stop that. You did not hurt me. I’m not as fragile as you think... You’re hardly the first alpha wolf I’ve had sex with...” I said sharply and he groaned.

“I know... Fuck, I know that... It’s just....My instincts get so jumbled with you. I want to make love to you, to make you feel good …But I also want to protect you and keep you safe and it feels like i can’t do both...”

“You and I...we aren’t that different. What feels good for you feels good for me too...” I protested.

Taehyung gave me a helpless look.

“I was raised this way. I haven’t ever seen my friends and family treat humans with anything but wariness and fear. My family ..... My father and mother, they ....” He hesitated. “ They turned a five year old human child, because she was dying. She was dying and her mother begged them to save their daughter. My dad gave her the bite ..... The girl survived and she was a wolf, yes but she lived. Do you know what your kind did? They said what he did was illegal , and they put my dad on trial and sent my parents to prison for it. “

I stared at him, wide eyed.

“My parents didn’t last a month. They died in a fucking dungeon because humans think its better for a five year old girl to die than be one of us. I lost my parents when I was eight years old because humans cannot fathom the idea of someone being different.....”

“Taehyung, I am so sorry... i didn’t know..... “ I said quietly.

“I’m not saying that has anything to do with you. I’m not ignorant enough to blame every human I meet for something that happened a whole two decades ago. I know things have changed....that the world today is vastly different from how it was back then... but can you imagine what would happen if I started this thing with you? “ He sighed, shaking his head.

“Taehyung, what are you saying?” I asked , too tired to process what he was saying. I could feel a headache coming on, strong and almost debilitating in its intensity .

“ I like you.... I would love to get to know you better.... Watching you with my daughter...fuck... I’ve never seen her so happy..... I would like nothing more than to give her a family.... but the people I live with. The friends I meet for dinners, the guys I hang out with for drinks....they don’t trust humans. They’re powerful men who have seen first hand how cruel humans can be and they’re not going to give up years of conditioning, just because my wolf chose to imprint on a human.”

I stared at him, not even sure what to say.

“Taehyung, I haven’t hidden how I feel about you. I’m not ignorant about what its like between your kind and mine. I live in the preserve. You think I don’t know what it’s like to be a human in a community of werwolves? I know how people look at me, how they see humans in general. If we did this....I would never blame you for the way others treat me.” I told him, heart breaking because he had clearly thought about this. Thought about this enough for him to feel bad about the mere possibility of me being hurt.

Taehyung shook his head in protest.

“How do you think I would feel, if I had to watch my friends treat you with anything but respect? It would drive me insane. And if you think the werewolves in the preserve are cruel to humans, you don’t even know how bad the upper class weres are... They don’t see human women as anything but a sick fetish for them to indulge themselves in. I’m not going to bring you into a world like that.....” He gave me look that was steady and unyielding, his tone brooking no argument.

I sighed.

“Okay. “ I said softly.

He stared at me.

“Do you hate me?”

I rolled my eyes.

“I think we can safely establish that I am incapable of hating you.” I said tiredly.

He smiled. I hesitated just a bit, before reaching out to touch his shoulders. I curled my fingers a bit, tugging him closer for a hug and he indulged me, palms stroking my back as I breathed in the alluring scent of him.

“ When this is over.... “ Taehyung said softly, “ I hope you and i could get dinner together. I want you in my life... even if just as a friend.”

Isn’t that just the perfect recipe for disaster, I thought miserably.

“I’m not going to be your friend, Kim Taehyung ssi.... I don’t hate myself that much.” I pressed a kiss to his ear.

He hesitated.

“What do you want to be then?” He whispered.

I shrugged, pulling back to stare at him.

There really was no point talking in circles, was there?

“The woman you love.” I said , holding his gaze steadily.

His lips parted, clearly unprepared for my bluntness.

To spare him the embarrassment of replying, I went on.

“But i know that’s not in the cards...so i would rather we be passing acquaintances.” I shrugged.

Taehyung gripped my knees, squeezing.

“I’ve not been with a woman in years. My wife, “ He grimaced , a flash of hurt and betrayal in his eyes, “ She... I didn’t even like her let alone care for her. I’ve forgotten what It means to love a woman...to worry about how my actions affect her...to act in a way that makes her feel how much I care for her.....”

I bit my lips, not sure what he was implying or if he was even implying anything.

" Well then, once my dad goes to prison... You can go back to that blissful time in your life when you didn’t know that I existed. .”

I grabbed my clothes off the bed and made to move to the bathroom

.“Rae.... wait.”

I stopped, staring at him.

I felt his fingers on my wrist, tugging me gently and I watched the way his fingers looked, so large and warm over mine.

I could feel him staring at me but .I stayed quiet.

There really was nothing more for me to say to him.

“I’ve forgotten how to love a woman but...” He bit his lips.” It doesn’t mean I can’t learn again.”

I choked out a laugh. God, I hated him.

“Don’t you dare-”

“When this is over.” He continued firmly, “ When your father is in prison, I’m not going to walk away. I don’t understand humans, I don’t relate to your kind....I can’t feel the things you do but I can learn. I can and I will. After everything you’ve done for me, it’s the least i can do for you. ”

I shook my head.

“ Do it for yourself. Do it to be a better person. Because sometimes the greater good isn’t enough to justify hurting people who are on your side of the battlefield. “

He lowered his head and I pulled away gently, moving away to get dressed,

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Is he going to come pick me up? “ I asked casually, swallowing down another couple of pills. I wasn’t even in a lot of pain anymore. More a pleasant soreness all over .

Taehyung exhaled, nodding.

“He’s ...a good guy but I still want you to tell me if he tries something....”

I turned to stare at him, eyebrows raised.

“And what will you do? Antagonize the man who’s your only hope to bring my father down? Don’t be absurd Taehyung.. i can handle men like Eun Woo.” I turned back to the mirror.

I ran the brush through my hair, carefully examining my face for any stray marks or bruises. It had taken a bit of time an an extra layer of concealer but i looked relatively unmarred.

“I just want to make sure you’re safe and-”

“I can take care of myself.... I’m a big girl.” I smiled at him through the reflection in the mirror. .

Although, just the fact that I was here, having this conversation with him was a fine example of how bad I was at taking care of myself. How I had a knack for making the worst possible choices, the kind of choices that ended with me with my heart broken over and over again because of the same damn man.

God, I wanted to get out of this apartment. Wanted to get away from Kim Taehyung. Never wanted to see his gorgeous face again.

“Eun Woo knows you’re my mate... He won’t....”

My eyes snapped up to him.

Just hearing that word made something leap inside me, something sharp and hurtful. Something that felt unbearable, an emotion that made me pulse with regret and pain and filled me with a need to sob out loud.

i turned around and his eyes immediately flitted to mine. I knew they were a little damp.

“Can you just...not call me that? “ I whispered , my fingers beginning to tremble.

Taehyung froze, staring at me with wide eyes.

“Rae...”

i closed my eyes , breathing deeply. I’d never felt so frustrated, so desperate to end things with someone and yet so incapable of doing just that and i hated him, hated him for turning me into something so pathetic.

“Don’t call me your mate. That is not what I am and that is not how you see me. So just don’t. “

I tried to calm myself down.

Taehyung didn’t reply so I went on.

“I’m going to do this...not just for you , but for the people in that preserve. For Luna because I want her to grow up in a world where she has the chance to experience the same happiness that the rest of us do. “

“Yes, And I’m grateful..” Taehyung began but i held my hand up.

“I’m going to do this but I’m not going to give you more than what I absolutely have to. I’m not going to let you play the besotted lover when we both know there’s no future for us that way. I need to protect my heart and I can’t do that if you keep confusing me. And that means you talk to me like you would talk to any of your friends. ”

Taehyung just stared at me for a second before nodding sharply.

“Point taken.” He said gruffly , looking just a little annoyed..

Good, I thought viciously.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“We’re gonna have to get you more clothes like this, if we’re going to be together for real... ... You know the kind of life I lead...” Eun Woo commented mildly, shooting me a glance as he maneuvered the car out into traffic. He was pointing at the teal blue sheath dress I had on.

It was pretty, spaghetti straps holding up the satiny material and molding to my body like a second skin. Taehyung had rented it out for me, and it had given me some satisfaction, watching him go slack jawed when I put it on. I was half tempted to tell him that I had won a lot of beauty pageants at my dad’s Country Club , back when I had still lived with him as a teenager.

Over the years, I’d always dressed down, avoided make up and just not bothered too much. not because I didn’t enjoy dressing up but because it served no purpose. . Running up and down the ferry meant a lot of salty air on my hair and face and so, I had probably always looked like a drowned rat to Taehyung.

“I have a whole closet full of branded clothes at my brother’s apartment. You don’t have to worry about me embarrassing you in public. I grew up as Jae hyun’s daughter .I know how the bougie class dresses, so please, just drive .” I was so tired, my eyes swollen although I hadn’t even cried. My heart felt like it had been wrung out .

Eun Woo whistled.

“So you’re.... technically rich. Very rich.” There was a hint of interest there, laced with barely concerned excitement and it made my skin crawl.

I rolled my eyes.

“I’m rich if i do exactly what my father asks me to. Which I won’t.”

Eun Woo chuckled.

“So...this thing with Taehyung...it’s nothing huh? I mean, he’s clearly okay with you doing stuff with me.....”

I glared at him.

“The only thing we’re going to be doing is finding out what my father’s upto.”

He held both his hands up .

“Hey, I’m just wondering if he’ll tear my throat off if I shoot my shot.”

I sighed, too exhausted to even entertain this conversation.

“Don’t make this difficult.” I said tiredly and he grunted.

“He did a number on you last night, huh?” the lecherous glance he tossed my way was nauseating.

I didn’t reply.

“Thought you were used to werewolves though...could smell that wolf on you...in the preserve.,.. Jungkook was it?”

I closed my eyes .

Eun Woo looked handsome and elegant in his pin striped white suit and perfectly polished shoes but there was no mistaking the sheer unadulterated lust on his face when he looked at me. And the way he talked to me, like I was a hooker he had hired for the night. I suddenly understood what Taehyung had meant, when he said that wolves only looked at human women as a fetish.

I glanced at my phone. It was a little past five. My father generally spent his evenings in his Yacht club, lounging about with his friends and scantily clad women. Eun Woo was a member too and the idea was to casually run into my father there.

“I’m just saying...you have a thing for wolves...I’ll be more than willing to scratch that itch for you....” He was leering now and I willed myself not to scream when his fingers reached out, lightly stroking my cheek. I pulled away, bile rising in my throat.

Feeling cheap and dirty, I dug my fingers into my thighs.

“Thank you for the kind offer. I’ll let you know if I ever want to take you up on that.” I muttered.

I watched as he pulled into the Yacht Club.

The Marina Yacht club was my father’s castle. It was where he held court thrice a week, all his rich and powerful bosom buddies flooding the place to get and stay in his good graces.

Wine, Women, drugs and alcohol all topped with a healthy dose of anonymity and discretion. I stepped out into the lobby, surprised when a man called out my name.

“Mi Rae?? Is that you?”

I felt my eyes widen when I recognized my dad’s old butler.

“Mr. Gwan... Oh, I didn’t know you worked here?” I smiled despite myself, happily letting his wrap his hands around me in a warm hug.

“Your father has been so kind to me.... He misses you.” The old man said softly.

I managed to return the gesture, bowing lightly.

“Is he here?”

“Out on the back terrace. A lot of his friends are here today.... Would you like to meet him?”

I nodded.

“Certainly. Could you tell him I’m here with ... Mr. Cha Eun Woo?” I smiled and looped my arm around Eun Woo’s , the latter pulling out his membership card and handing it over to Mr. Gwan with a winning smile.

Mr Gwan bowed, leading us into the foyer which was milling with Seoul’s elite, men in polo t shirts and fitted pants and women in short summer dresses or flowery jumpsuits with huge hats. The crème de la crème of society, I thought , rolling my eyes internally.

“Stop looking like that, doll. “ Eun Woo’s lips brushed my ear and I straightened my features, pasting a small smile as we followed Mr. Gwan, past the milling crowd and to the back, where the club opened into a beautiful terrace with a pool and a dance floor.

Women in skimpy bikinis' lounged around the pool despite the lateness of the hour and I saw my father, surrounded by four or five men, relaxing in the lounge chairs near the pool. They were all old and fat, my father standing out because he was always particular about staying fit and looking ten whole years younger.

He looked surprised when he saw me, surprised but clearly pleased.

“Mirae..... And Eun Woo? What an absolute pleasure.” He stood p quickly, eyes glinting with delight when he took in my attire.

“Good evening father.” I smiled, letting him pull me into a hug. My father turned to the men around, all of whom made no attempt to hide the way they were ogling me.

“Gentlemen, my beautiful daughter, Mirae. And the man she’s seeing currently, I believe you’re all familiar with him. One of the finest men in the country. ”

I tilted my head in acknowledgement, bowing lightly while Eun Woo shook hands with the men.

“Cha Eun Woo at your service.” He drawled easily, holding a couple of fingers up and signalling a waiter to bring a couple more chairs for us. I smiled as he gave me a soft kiss on my cheeks.

“Why don’t we head over to the bar and you can pick a drink, honey?” He said , smile dazzling in its intensity.

I fluttered my lashes for effect.

“I’d love that.” I said , letting him lead me away with a quick, “ Gentlemen, a moment.”

“That’s Taehyung’s undersecretary . The rest of them i can’t recognize but they’re all wolves. Your father’s been particularly sneaky, i see....” He whispered thoughtfully , the moment we were out of hearing distance and I blinked.

“What?”

“That guy in the blue trunks, he’s a part of Taehyung’s cabinet. I’m sure of it.”

The bartender tapped the counter to get our attention and I startled.

I pointed vaguely at one of the drinks and turned back to Eun Woo.

“Really? Oh my God, do you think he’s been telling my father about Taehyung’s plans?”

Eun Woo nodded.

“That would explain things.... “

“We should tell Taehyung , he needs to fire that guy...” i said desperately and Eun Woo shook his head.

“No... we need to find out what is it that these wolves wants from your father... They’re obviously feeding him information for a price. We need to know what, although I think i have a pretty good idea.” Eun Woo smirked.

“What?” I said, curious but he shook his head, lightly kissing the tip of my nose.

“Its a wolf thing... I’m just going to go back and lay some groundwork. You wearing a bikini underneath that dress?”

I frowned.

“Yes? Why?”

“Go to the dressing room and take your dress off. Come back and sit on my lap yeah? “

I stared at him.

“This better have something to do with ...”

“Baby, we’re running low on time. Just do as I tell you and you can be back in your TaeTae oppa’s arms in no time.....” He drawled, squeezing my hips hard and I flinched.

He was so annoying.

But I did as he said and when I walked back to the rest of them, I saw that he was sitting a little ways off from the rest of them but close to the man in the blue trunks. The crowd had left, the gate leading to the terrace was closed and my father was nowhere to be found.

it was just Eun Woo and the four men and the four or five women still in the pool.. They all looked at me when I got near and Eun Woo stood up waving before sitting back down.

“Ah...Rae... Come on over!” He waved and I walked over, feeling ridiculously exposed in the electric blue string tied bikini.

I smiled at him, casually sitting down on his lap, and letting him wrap an arm around my torso. He pressed a kiss to my cheek, my jaw and then whispered against my ear.

“Let’s give them a show.”

I blinked, confused and then he pulled me closer, tugging me around till I was straddling him. I gripped his shoulders at the obscene position we were in , but he looked incredibly serious as he gave me a slight nod. Smiling, I lightly rolled my hips , letting the crotch of my bikini trace a small circle against the front of his slacks. He had taken off his jacket and it wasn’t that hard to get into the mood. The idiot was beautiful after all.

“needy little thing....” Eun Woo chuckled. “ Dated a couple of betas but it wasn’t enough for her...Right baby?”

I gave him a shy little smile, watching the men out of the corner of eyes. I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing but, i followed Eun Woo’s lead and moved when he tugged on my hips, buried my nose in his neck when his palms fluttered against my shoulder.

“Sometimes they need a knot.... can’t settle for anything less....” Eun Woo went on, laughing and i stiffened despite myself. He pinched my thigh lightly, a soft, ‘ focus’ hissed against my ear.

I swallowed, staying still.

He lightly dipped one finger into the waistline of my bikini and i jumped.

“There’s something exciting about fucking a human .... so helpless and fragile and yet so thirsty to get dicked down by an animal.” Eun Woo went on and the men chuckled.

I tamped down on the urge to knee him in the crotch.

The greater good.

the greater fucking good. I reminded myself.

i was going to strangle Kim Taehyung.

“ Knows when to keep her mouth shut too. It’s a rarity with human women...... Always yip tapping about shit. “ Eun Woo went on.

“She looks amazing...” The man on the left said...

“She looks even better when I have her wrapped around my knot.” Eun Woo chuckled.

The air seemed to shift around me.

“Uh...yeah?” One of the men said.

“Of course....gets off on it too... People watching...right baby..? I could make you take my knot, right here on this chair with all these people watching and you’d love it...wouldn’t you baby?”

“Fuck, that would be so hot...” The man in the blue trunks whined next to me and it made my skin crawl. I couldn’t do this. Not even for Kim fucking Taehyung.

I dug my nails into Eun Woo’s sides. I’d had enough.

“I have a resort up the Han River.... Secluded and private. Mr Yoon told me you guys have some sort of deal to finish up? Why not schedule it at my place.... Dinner and a show” Eun Woo squeezed my thighs hard making me yelp, “ My treat.”

The men whispered excitedly.

“That sounds good. The seventeenth of this month. We have a ... meeting with a few associates. We’d require a lot of privacy . “

Eun woo hummed.

“Done. And sweet Rae and I will be there to take care of the entertainment . Now if you’ll excuse me gentlemen, I have a few more pressing engagements.”

He spanked my thigh and I sat up, slowly climbing off him. He wrapped his arm around my waist , and I looked anywhere but at the men, bowing awkwardly as I let him lead me away from the terrace.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Ow...Ow... Ow.. What the fuck..stop!” Eun Woo grabbed my wrists stopping me from raining more punches on him.

“That was so fucking embarrassing you fucking pervert!!” I hissed and he gripped my wrists harder, so hard that I winced.

“I know!!! just calm the fuck down. At least we know when they’re meeting the damn dealers. And it’ll be on our turf. “ He said angrily.

I glared at him.

“So what , the cops can just walk in and arrest them...??” I stared at him in disbelief.

it seemed so easy.

“If they’re caught with the drug, yeah.” Eun Woo shrugged, “ Taehyung already has plenty of evidence linking your father to the drug,....all he needs is the physical record of your father in contact with the dealers. And if your father’s there on seventeenth its going to be a walk in the park. All we need to do is...well... possibly fuck in front of them.”

I felt my jaw drop.

“I am not fucking you... not even if the survival of the entire human race depended on it.” I hissed.

“Relax, babe... It doesn’t have to be all the way through... beta werewolves don’t have a knot so these bastards get turned on watching alphas knot a woman... that's all it is... We give them that and they’re gonna play right into our hands.....” Eun Woo shrugged.

“That is so gross...” I fought the urge to retch.

“ We also feed some sort of nonsense to that undersecretary of his.. maybe a false raid elsewhere so these idiots have their guard down. it’ll be easy. “ Eun Woo shrugged

I groaned.

But I had to admit that Taehyung was right. Cha Eun Woo was a smart bastard.

“And that's the best way to do this? I need to... pretend to have sex with you...” I tasted bile in my throat.

Eun woo smiled.

“For the greater good , baby.”

i groaned.

I hated werewolves.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s Note : Shit’s about to go down in the next chapter !! lemme know what you guys thought :D

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#taehyung smut #taehyung fics #taehyung werewolf au #bts werewolf au #bts smut #bts fics #bts au #taehyung fanfic #taehyung au #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction

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that-was-anticlimactic · 3 years

Note

📂 hmmm let's see... how about Toph?

aw Toph Beifong, how I love you,

Okay. So. First:

Obviously, Toph can tell when people are lying, but much like how the gaang always forgets that she’s blind, they forget that she’s a living lie detector. After the war ends, the kiddos are all obviously traumatized and always ask each other how they’re doing and they usually always say “fine” and Toph can feel that they’re lying but she just... doesn’t do anything. Sometimes it’s obvious a person is lying, but sometimes they can really pull it off and Toph is the only one who knows. She just lets them be, though, because she would want to be left alone too. In her mind, if it was a big enough deal, they wouldn’t say that they’re fine (also because that’s the reasoning she gives herself to not talk about her problems). She doesn’t want to push them.

Eventually, and let’s use Aang here because poor kid suffers so much trauma and no one really talks about that much (myself included, I need to pay more attention to Aang), Aang’s mental health really starts declining and everyone is really worried but Toph always lets it go because she doesn’t want to push him or stress him out. One time, it’s so bad that they ask Toph to out Aang for lying and she just shrugs and says “he wasn’t lying” even though he definitely was.

After a week or two like this, Aang kind of just breaks down and Toph instantly feels guilty because deep down she feels like she could have prevented it, but she didn’t. It’s one of those times when she learns that letting people believe a lie, no matter how good intentions are, is worse and more hurtful than telling the truth.

It kind of starts making her more honest than before. She began by calling everyone out on every little lie until she realized it would probably be better to talk to people in private and I just... mmm... I feel like Toph wields so much power after the war because everyone will always say “I’m fine” and she knows, she knows, they’re lying.

And now for an angsty Toph-related headcanon because I said so:)

Toph’s parents. Mmmm. I have not read the comics and also I heard they were... iffy... so we’re disregarding comics here. Toph’s parents kind of suck. Like, once she talks to them after the war, they treat her like a helpless child again and not the LITERAL HERO she is. She doesn’t live with them, but she wants a relationship with them, even though she physically cannot make her say it out loud. So, eventually she blows up at them and Earthbends and her parents are like “okay, if you’re not a child, then start acting like an adult” and COMPLETELY misread the intention behind what Toph was saying. Ontop of that, they constantly complain about everything to her. Like trivial things. They complain about trivial things to a traumatized child (not to mention they did like nothing during the war smh, they just sat there and were rich). Like, they complain about each other to Toph say all of these things that she never wanted to hear ever and that no parents should actually burden their child with. Eventually she just... stops.

She just never answers letters, never returns to the city, much less the house. And it just... it kills her because she wanted to fix their relationship. She wanted to try and be a family again and she tried. She tried so hard but her parents never pit any effort in.

It was actually Zuko (or Azula...) who kind of made her realize. Like, I’m just gonna say: Sokka and Katara HATE Toph’s parents, like, with a burning passion. Toph offhandedly mentioned some of the terrible things her mom said about her dad and vice versa to the gaang and Katara was about to go give them the biggest lecture they had ever received. Katara lowkey got all mother hen (but sometimes Suki would have to drag her back and be like “you’re smothering her” so Toph wouldn’t feel like Katara was acting like her parents) (and again, Toph would never say it outloud, but she could never think of Katara in that way ever. She’s SUCH a better person than her parents could ever be) and would try and... not be the mother Toph never got to have, but give her the support she never had.

Anyways, Zuko or Azula talk to Toph and are like “take it from one abused child to another, your parents are abusing you” which just confirms the suspicions she had deep down but refused to believe. She was just filled with so much rage because it’s not fair and she was trying so hard but her parents really don’t care about her in the way that they should of and she gave them so many chances to be better but they never took it.

okay so, sadness over, let’s make Toph happy:)

Toph is asexual (and maybe aromantic, unsure as of right now) because I said so:))

Toph takes great pleasure in going to The Jasmine Dragon and just... listening to make sure no one is ever rude to Iroh or any of the other employees ever. If they are, she causes trouble so they can feel ashamed for being mean to people in food service.

no you know what? Am I going too overboard? Yes. Do I care? No. One friendship Toph headcanon for everyone in the gaang.

Aang: Toph and Aang both help remind the other that they’re children because they both forget sometimes. Toph is great at taking Aang away from work and making him take breaks and spend time for himself rather than others. Aang is great at giving Toph the “having friends as a child” experience she never had. He teaches her games he learned from all four nations as a child and sometimes they do really ‘childish’ things like playing bending tag or even like regular tag with each other just because it’s nice.

Katara: oooh the Toph and Katara friendship is one of my favorites in the show. The two are both ridiculously competitive. Like. Out of everyone in the gaang, they are the most competitive (let’s be real, Sokka is too petty and WE NEED TO FOLLOW THE GAMES RULES to be competitive and Zuko just gets angry and rage quits). But eventually, they learn that they’re stronger when they work together and make a competitive truce. So whenever people need to team up for games, they immediately go to each other and they destroy everyone.

Sokka: Sokka and Toph ahhhhh I love them so much. Sokka adopted Toph as his daughter-sister, as in he can’t choose whether he wants to replace her dad and be her dad or be the protective but not overly protective older brother she never had, so he calls himself “father-brother” and everyone hates it, but Sokka was never good at naming things. Also, one time they were really bored, so they decided to try and invent a language that is never spoken, but can be interpreted through Earthbending. Like, different methods of bending meant different things and stuff. It worked... kind of? Sokka likes learning and Toph likes kicking dirt and making people confused about what they were doing. They both have short attention spans, though, so they didn’t get far. They each still remember s=certain things and still talk through it (since Sokka is not an Earthbender, he taps his foot on the ground or kicks dirt a certain way. It’s kind of like morse code, bit different because only Toph can feel the taps).

Suki: Suki Suki Suki I love you! Suki is Toph’s go-to for fake relationships. Like. These two have been in a fake relationship with each other too many times to count. Toph’s parents invite her to a formal event but she needs to bring a date (and also she doesn’t want to go but she wants to repair the relationship)? Suki is her date. Suki needs to attend a royal event because she’s the highest Fire Nation palace guard (because I said so)? Toph comes as her date. A random person is hitting on either of them and they don’t know how to respond without unnecessary violence? Find the other and kiss their face.

Zuko: Zuko and Toph, what a pair. They both find beauty in nature (in different ways, obviously), so they’re walking buddies. They’ve gone on hikes together, like week-long hikes together. They’ll walk around the palace together... sometimes they’ll just sit together in silence because they don’t always need words to be friends.

Azula: (because yes, I am including the three girls): y’all. These two together can scare the entire world. Not just because they are actually insanely powerful, but because they make the most horrific self-deprecating jokes known to man and say it with intense seriousness that everyone has been genuinely worried at some point before they caught on (if it’s serious, they say it as a joke). One time, they both made these depressing jokes at lunch and Aang choked on his food. He didn’t die, but like. He was so unprepared that he choked. What I’m saying is, these two have a really weird relationship that takes place entirely through insults at each other, theirself, and everyone they love.

Ty Lee: Toph was actually scared of Ty Lee at first because of her chi blocking abilities. Not like terrified-scared, but like if you even take one more step towards me I will smash you with a boulder no matter your intentions-scared. Also, Ty Lee was so perky and kind of loud and Toph found that suspicious at first. It wasn’t like an Aang perky or loud, it was like... well, Toph couldn’t explain it (as in, I, op, cannot explain it), but it was a bit overwhelming? And then one time Ty Lee just. randomly visited her at her parents’ house even though they “weren’t friends” and Toph was just ????? but let her come in for dinner anyway because she kind of wanted to see how her parents would react to this peppy girl. Her parents ended up making a kind of snide remark at Toph’s expense during dinner (which was the usual but Toph didn’t realize it was a b u s e) and Ty Lee went off. That’s when Toph knew there were reasons to be terrified of this girl, but she would never be on the receiving end of her fury unless she really deserved it. They have very different family situations, but take pleasure in actually talking about it to each other. Because Ty Lee is a very open person and Toph is not. Toph thinks it’s nice to just let Ty Lee ramble on (kind of like Mai) and Ty Lee thinks Toph gives really good advice and has good insights (plus strives to help her feel more comfortable with her feelings). They become spontaneous buddies and randomly show up at each other’s houses when they’re living at home and it’s just nice.

Mai: last but never least, Mai and Toph! These two. feel for each other. so much. Rich kids, only children, parents who ignore them, ahhhhh, do you smell that? The repression of feelings:) Sometimes, they prefer to just be around each other because everyone else can kind of be overwhelming. They can communicate through few words and they both like throwing things, so they like sparring together a lot, It gives them a chance to throw things with another person who likes throwing things. For them, sparring is like this connection and it’s own method of loving each other (as friends do) and it’s just really nice for both of them.

Okay. I am done. Thank you, Grace, for fueling me.

I love Toph and I don’t give her enough attention.

#atla #avatar the last airbender #atla Headcanons #avatar Headcanons #atla toph #Toph Headcanons #in this house we love and appreciate Toph Beifong #not me making her parents fight to cope with my parent’s divorce lol #no but seriously her parents give me secretly hating each other but being too petty to divorce vibes #Toph angst #and Toph love #zukkaclawthorne #:)

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mcfudgie · 4 years

Note

O: Luv, bootiful but Zim would like get butterflies and be all confused uwu and does dib treat Zim like a child either in public? WHICH ALSO BRINGS- what about Zim being in public? Does he run off- get into large arguments?

some memory cache au notes:

Nah irkens don’t feel love. Especially human love which is apparently pain-based. And there’s no way Zim feels a deep ache in his spooch every time he looks at Dib. No way. That’s crazy.

Zim is very much not a child and hates being treated as such. Short king rights baby!! That alien is a full-ass adult. I cannot stress enough that he is not a baby nor helpless like one. He is still very capable but his circumstances mean that he has to depend on Dib for now. If he had the means, he’d probably be depressed somewhere else right now.

Zim is gets paranoid when out in public so he keeps his visits short. He prefers staying in the apartment if he can help it but sometimes he’ll venture out for supplies with Dib or go out late at night when there’s less people around.

#fudgyhell #iz memory cache au #asks

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lycorogue · 3 years

Note

Amelia and Trish🌺💐

Awww, yay! Someone sending me an ask from a list! 😍 I get these so rarely. This is such a fun treat! Thank you! (For anyone wondering, the “Soft OC Ask” master list can be found here.)

🌺 What does your OC do to calm down when they’re scared or after a nightmare? Do they have any special comfort items or need to be reassured by a specific person? How do they handle this if they’re alone?

💐 How does your OC handle being unwell or forced to rest in bed? Who cares for them and in what ways? Does your OC enjoy being doted on or are they a terrible patient? Reversed: is your OC good at taking care of others who are ill or in need?

Funny enough, the answers to most of these questions more-or-less happened canonically within the X-Future roleplay, so these are fairly easy to answer. Since each question is actually a series of related questions, and this ask is for two of my OCs, this got a bit lengthy. You can read my reply below the break.

Lia: 🌺 When Lia was a toddler, her mother crocheted her a little stuffed Calcifer the flame from Howl’s Moving Castle. Lia still has this stuffed Calcifer and cuddles it whenever she’s super stressed or awakes from a nightmare. If she feels she’s failing at reaching her true potential with her powers or as a leader, she goes to the X-Men archives of her mother’s training and watches those. If anything, doing so makes her feel worse because it makes her feel even more inadequate and tears at her grief of not knowing what happened to her mom, but neither fact stops her from doing so. Alternatively, if she’s stressed about generic Teenage DramaTM, she usually storms off to be alone, literally burning off some steam as she rages with her powers once she knows she’s in a safe location where she won’t permanently damage anything. As a child, she would also come to her dad (who was literally never too far from her at any given time, thanks to his powers; he was the ultimate helicopter parent) if a situation was too big for her to handle by herself. As a teen, she tends to vent to either her then-boyfriend-now-ex-but-still-friend Chayse, or her roommate Willow, or her current boyfriend Ripley. If it’s something minor that she needs to work out, she’ll sneak off to dance; just to get the positive energy flowing again.

💐 As the “mom friend”, Lia is much better at playing nurse than being nursed. Although, she is a bit naïve when it comes to emotional/mental-health support. She tries, but usually falls a touch short when trying to help out in those matters. She’s much better at nursing physical illnesses or injuries because she can study the most effective ways to heal those. When she’s the one sick or injured, though? She gets antsy if she’s forced to rest up in bed, especially if she feels like it’s overly cautious for her to do so. Now, if she’s majorly sick or in pain, she will gladly hide under her covers and ignore the world exists. Anything short of “OMG, I’m dying”? And she’ll fight bedrest tooth and nail. Her father is the #1 person to care for her, but since attending the Xavier School for Gifted Youngsters, Jamie has allowed Lia’s roommate and friend Willow to take on the role of primary caregiver, with Lia’s boyfriend Ripley on stand-by to tag in. If neither of the teens are willing or able, though, Jamie will gladly jump back in to take care of Lia. Aside from being antsy and a bit whiny about being forced to stay in bed (if she’s feeling alright), Lia does accept being cared for fairly gracefully. She’ll comment it’s unneeded and that her caregivers should focus on “more important things” since she’s clearly “fine”, but will still gladly accept the soup, extra blankets, pillow fluffing, and so on. She’s a bit more grumbly if she’s recovering from an injury because she hates feeling helpless or weak in that regard.

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Trish: 🌺 Trish HAAAAAAATES showing any kind of weakness AT. ALL. So she does NOT go to anyone for comfort when she’s feeling overly stressed or scared. The exception is MAAAAAAAAYBE Pyro if she is majorly shaken about something. She hates seeming weak and immature in front of Pyro, though (and hates adding to the father-daughter dynamic when she wants a lovers one instead), so there has to be something TRAUMATIZING to her before she goes to even him for comfort. Otherwise, she turns her fear into anger and rage. She’ll run the training obstacle courses to the point of exhaustion, just to give her mind something else to focus on, and something to aim her powers at. She overcomes fear by adding to the façade that she’s completely fearless. She allows adrenaline to completely over-ride her fear as she almost always goes for a “Fight” response. As for nightmares, she’ll usually calm herself down by playing with her butterfly knife; something else to focus on until she forgets the nightmare. She’ll also calm herself down with a shower, especially if she’s covered in sweat from the nightmare. She’ll chant to herself, “it’s not real. It wasn’t real. Ignore it” until the nightmare is forgotten or no longer intense enough for it to affect her.

💐 Trish is a TERRIBLE patient. She’s even more antsy and stubborn than Lia. Being sick or injured enough to be bedridden is a sign of weakness, and she CANNOT be weak for Pyro. The only time she’ll submit and actually listen to instructions to rest up is if Pyro himself tells her to do so. She’ll also gladly ravish the attention if Pyro is the one nursing her back to health. She’d even milk it, just to be doted on further by him. Otherwise, lord help the person playing caregiver. She will stubbornly battle them every step; again, only complying when Pyro tells her to behave. Once her roommate Nyssa was forced to play nursemaid when Trish was badly injured by a shrapnel blast. Trish was like an injured feral creature the whole time, snarling at Nys and trying to swat her away; claiming to be healed further than she was. Nyssa practically had to have Pyro there at every bandage changing to force Trish to accept the treatment. The major exception to all of this is a mutant vigilante Trish simply calls “Stranger” since he’s never given her his name. He was hunting down the anti-mutant terrorist group The Purifiers, and stumbled upon a few that were teaming up against Trish. He saved her, but she was still wary of him; attempting to leave him to the Purifiers so she could escape. When the escape plan failed, and he saved her a second time, she was more welcoming to him attempting to help patch her up (if nothing else, she didn’t want to worry Pyro by coming home injured again). They have since met up a couple of times to hunt down more Purifiers together; helping with Trish’s bloodlust and Stranger’s want of revenge against the Purifiers for murdering his whole family in front of him and leaving him for dead. They have an uneasy bond, and Trish wouldn’t go to him if she were sick, but if she were injured she might seek him out just so she had someone she trusted moderately to care for her without feeling like a burden on Pyro. As for Trish being the caregiver? HA! She is absolute trash at caring for anyone other than herself and Pyro. Exceptions being Stranger - she would tend his wounds as well so she didn’t lose her partner in these non-Brotherhood excursions - and anyone that Pyro asked her to care for. If it’s a request from Pyro, she’ll do the bare minimum to satisfy the request, and grumble about it the whole time. Even when caring for Stranger, she’d spend the whole time bitching at him for being so “careless” as to be injured in the first place (ignore that this also implies that she’s careless whenever she gets injured). For Pyro, though? She’d go full on Florence Nightingale and dote on him every waking moment.

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Okay! I think that’s everything! This was fun. Thank you so much for the ask. I hope you got to learn a bit more about my OCs.

Also, I’d like to note that Stranger is one of my husband’s OCs named Jack Knoife (yes, the name is a pun. Yes, Jack is Australian. Yes, Hubby leaned hard into the classic Marvel naming tropes)

Anyway, if anyone else wants to learn more about my OCs (or if you’d like to learn more, @doesnotloveyou ), feel free to drop me an ask. 😁

#writing #LycoRogue writing #LycoRogue ask #doesnotloveyou #OCs #Soft OCs Ask #Lia Madrox #Trish Morrison #both fire users #might explain the hatred for bedrest #dealing with being scared #dealing with being bedridden #long post #THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASK!#<3

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mylifeasevelyn · 6 years

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When the sun turns cold and starts to fade and you don't know where your bed is made. There's a hazy glow you cannot save. Memories flood like acid rain... When the sun turns red and starts to hurt and you know what was said was undeserved. All the jealous cries of the misunderstood, currency of the restrained

Hello dear stranger, it’s me, Evelyn. Last time I tried typing a post, things took a pretty drastic turn of events in less than an hour. Whatever I was writing at that time, it doesn’t reflect at all the reality I’m living at the moment. Therefore, I won’t post that. Compared to now, it was pretty bright and hopeful. That shit’s outta the window now. This post will have no specific structure. I’ll just type spontaneous raw thoughts... I guess I’m doing this as a way to face the hurt that’s been chasing me these past few weeks. I’ve tried everything, but it’s still there, growing stronger than me...

So first off, I hate to say this, but I had another panic attack. And it was the shittiest one so far. Unfortunately, what triggered this panic attack in particular was someone verbally abusing me, which of course triggered a traumatic memory and yeah, I could tell I was fucked from the moment I couldn’t “fight back”. Instead, I froze and barely managed to say a few words back. It was heartbreaking. Not only was I taken back to my traumatic past, but I also reacted the same way I used to do it 20 years ago. This person treated me so bad that I felt like a terrible person. I felt so bad that after the panic attack I had to ask a friend if I was bad person. That’s how bad this person made my self steem crumble. The guilt I always used to feel as a child, the fear, the helplessness. It all came back, and it was so powerful that it left me unstable and weak. So weak that I could barely walk back home because of how much my legs were shaking. At one point I almost passed out in the middle of the street, but thankfully I managed to find a place to stop and possibly sit until the tremors would stop. But I knew couldn’t stay there, it was too cold and that wasn’t helping at all. I was somehow grateful that it was night-time and there wasn’t many people around to see me. All these memories were back and flowing and intertwining, like an evil déjà vu. PTSD at its best.

To top this off, my shrink bailed on me. Yep, just like you read it. Out of the blue I found myself lost in the pain of my traumatic past and my inability to cope with stressful situations in the present. Even though I didn’t resort to self-destruction, it’s been a hell of a month dealing with my demons consciously and without professional help, to say the least. A friend told me I was brave for doing this, but I can’t seem to see it that way yet.

These past 40 days have forced me to face my demons, which I only face 2 or 3 times a year when I have my nightmares. But now it’s been hard for me to come back to the place that caused me so much hurt, the place where this person who I cared about hurt me so bad. A place I used to call “safe”. My friends have encouraged me to go back, but I’ve lost my strength and joy. Now I have to rewire my brain into thinking of other constructive ways to deal with my bpd.

Anyways, as always, my mental illness is still there, being a part of me. I’m aware of it, we live as one every day. It haunts me under pressure. It makes me feel weak. But I know I’m not. Yet the pain I feel, the way it suffocates me, that’s something I wish it would leave me alone at least for one day in my life. No matter how much I try to run away from it, the harder it gets back at me. No matter how much I plead for the pain to be over, it’s never gonna happen. Call it pessimism or harsh reality, that’s the way it’s always been with me. I embraced this agony and chose to keep on living with it regardless. Sometimes it haunts me all day, other times it’s whenever I can’t keep my mind entertained.

Call it six sense or whatever, but I knew that he was coming as I looked out my window. They Will Fall Like Roses was playing out loud; the one song that calms me down when the depression-anxiety chemical concoction is too powerful to shut off when typing these thoughts away. I knew I wouldn’t be able to hear him if he ever showed up with my loud speakers blasting. And there he was. I get a visit. I’m forced to dry my tears and keep on living life normally. This man tells me that he’s been working since 7a.m. and I’m one of the last people he has to visit before his shifts ends. He’s smiling through ear to ear and trying to talk to me a bit more. Since I’m pretty good at hiding my feelings when necessary, I follow along with the conversation just enough to be polite and grateful for the good vibes and service. He drops my order and leaves... and just like that, reality shifts and so do my thoughts. You entertain your mind with other thoughts to keep you away from the dark ones. The more you can do this, the longer you survive.

I dunno what else to say other than: it’s okay not to be okay. Cliché phrase but true nonetheless. Struggling with a mental illness (let alone 3) is quite the adventure. There are more downs than ups, but as I said typed before, I’m okay with it. If I ever lose my sense of bravery, then I might as well kill myself. As of now, I’m going through a sea storm with my mind. My mind is a boat, my feelings are the ocean and I’m on that boat trying to come back to the shore. The tide got wild to say the least, and now I’ve got to be patient and hope that I won’t drown in the ocean. We are already in the boat, might as well fight and survive together, right dear stranger? Let’s fight together, shall we? ‘Til next time.

Never give up, always fight.

Love,

Evelyn

#text #personal #depression #anxiety #bpd #borderline personality disorder #ptsd #post traumatic stress disorder #mental health #mental illness #my life as Eve #my life as Evelyn #like if you read #ty

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edourado · 7 years

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Kastle + 31? 👌🏻❤️

Hello, there, dear darling! Here I am with the filled prompt that I’m pretty sure you forgot ever asking.

I’m so sorry for this ridiculous delay. Last year was crazy, there was so much going on, I didn’t have the time and the will and the inspiration. But here I am, now, and I do hope you like it. To refresh your memory, the prompt was “the way you said I love you, #31: In awe, the first time you realised it”.

I do hope you enjoy it. It’s not particularly big, I’m trying to learn how to write shoter things.

Now, I’ll let you read. Hope you like it. Let me know.

Muah ;-*

I’ll worship

Frank sits there on her couch - a place he came to know well - and wraps a bandage around her arm, near her shoulder.

“What kind of knife was it?” he asked, his brow furrowed, still mad, so fucking mad it actually hurt for him to sit here and not storm out after the fucker who had attempted to stab her not half an hour ago.

She let out an angry sigh, and he doesn’t know where she gets off being angry. He’s the one with his heart in his throat, having to breathe deep to calm down, she’s the one who did exactly what she was told not to do and got jumped by a violent stoner.

“God, I don’t know what kind of knife, Frank, I’m not a weapon’s expert. What difference does it make, anyway? It was a sharp one.”

He closed his eyes for one second, breathing deep, trying to calm down.

“And you’re sure he only got your arm?”

Another dramatic, insolent sigh.

“As I told you the last 27 times: yes.”

“I’m trying to make sure you’re ok, if you haven’t noticed”. He wraps the gauze around her arm one more time, making sure the bandage is secure and her wound is not bleeding.

“It was just a scratch, Frank, you’re over reacting!”

“Over reacting?! I walk in and there’s a man lunging at you with a goddamn knife, ma’am, please explain to me how is this not the appropriate reaction!”

His voice is louder, now. He doesn’t mean to shout at her, but he needs to do something, otherwise he’s gonna explode.

“You seem to forget that I handled it pretty well!” she responds, yanking her arm away, getting up, pacing to the kitchen. “I was the one who jumped out of the way, I was the one who knocked him out, not you!”

He understood what she meant. It was the same point she has been trying to make for almost two years, now, that she can take care of herself, and he knows it, he knows it, but he still tries to twist her words in that particular moment, because he was so mad, he was so fucking mad at her.

Yes, she could take care of herself, he knew that, of course he did, but that didn’t stop him from worrying. Didn’t stop his heart from trying to leap out of his chest at the hint of a threat to her. So he got up, too, apologising, oh so sarcastically, for not arriving in time to save her, forcing her to save herself.

“That’s not what I mean, and you know it! Why are you being this way?”

They argued for what felt like hours, but it was, in reality, a little more than ten minutes. They both knew and understood where the other was coming from, but they were both so stubborn, so determined to make their own point, that the fight went on. And on. Until she closed the bathroom door with a bang and he heard the shower starting.

He paced for the whole time she was in there, breathing, trying to do that thing where you close your eyes and focus on the air coming in and out of your lungs, urging himself to calm down, he doesn’t want to fight, he doesn’t want to make her mad.

He just wants her safe.

Before he can change his mind, Frank walks to the bathroom door and knocks.

“What?” came the angry reply from inside.

“Let me in”, he asked, willing his voice to remain low and calm.

After almost twenty seconds of hesitation, the lock turned, but the door remained shut. Turning the knob, he walked in, watching her silhouette from behind the shower curtain. He takes a step towards it, but she closes the shower and pulls her robe from the rack. Frank notices the movement is not as violent as it could be, but not exactly delicate, either.

“Ma’am”, he starts.

“Please don’t ‘ma’am’ me”, she says from behind the curtain.

She has as strange relationship with that term. Sometimes she likes it, sometimes she hates it. He’s still trying to identify and separate those situations, but it seems to go with her mood, so far.

When she pushes the curtain back, the robe is tight around her waist, and her hair is pushed back, finger combed. Her cheeks are red from the steam.

Her eyes meet his and screw it. He’ll apologise. He’s right, but he’ll apologise because he already thought something was going to happen to her not an hour ago, that constant fear that he lived with, that she was going to get hurt, killed, taken away from him suddenly, that he was going to live through that again, it was almost real. He can’t take her being angry at him on top of that.

Well, he can. But he doesn’t want to.

“Look, I’m-”

“No, Frank, listen.”

She takes a step to him and she’s actually a bit shorter than him without her heels. With her hands rubbing her face for a seconds, a sigh and and her eyes on his face, she blinks.

“I’m sorry. I know you worry, and I know you mean well. It’s just-”

Frank reaches for her and stops her.

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry, too.”

She has been through some shit, Karen. He has his demons, his tragic past, but so does she. They could talk about it, now, with each other, it doesn’t hurt as bad as it used to, but just as he has the sudden, violent death of his wife and kids to carry around with him everyday, so does she, with her brother. And he knows she cannot stand being treated like a child or a helpless maiden, so yes, he’ll apologise, even if he does plan on returning to that point later, to ty and explain to her, again, why she should be more careful.

“I didn’t mean to shout at you”, he says and is glad to see the small tug on the corners of her mouth, a reluctant smile appearing.

“Considering that you shot at me the first time we met, I don’t think this was so bad.”

With an annoyed click of his tongue, but a relieved huff of breath, he shifts his weight to his other foot and reached out to pull her to him, catching her face between his hands, looking at her with a sudden surge of… Well. Huh. Fuck.

“I hate that you keep bringing that up”, he says, stroking her cheeks with his thumbs.

“I like it. I think it’s exciting.”

Her hands close around his fists and just that simple but intimate touch was enough to have him sighing, as if all the tension and the stress were pouring out of him, evaporating with the steam of her shower.

“I’m sorry I was a dick”, he says, touching his forehead to hers and Karen rises to place a soft kiss on his lips.

“And I’m sorry I was careless. I’ll be more careful. Ok?”

When he nods, pressing another kiss to her mouth, and another, she takes his hands from her face and steps around him.

“Take your shower, I’ll work on dinner.”

“Come with me”, he tries, but she’s already closing the door behind her.

“Tomorrow, maybe”, she decides.

He could use the shower to relax, enjoy the pressure of the water hitting his shoulders, let the day go down the drain with the filth. He doesn’t. Shampoo and soap and scrub, scrub, scrub, rinse, rinse, rinse, dry, a towel around his hips and he’s out, looking for her, the weight of his sudden realization too heavy on his chest.

He stops for a second at the door, looking at her, standing there fixing whatever for their dinner, hair brushed back, wet blond strands almost shining against the white t shirt she only ever wore for bed. It was a man’s shirt, not even his, he didn’t know who it belonged to before her. Maybe her brother, maybe an ex-boyfriend, maybe she just bought it oversized because she knew how good she looked in it, maybe she was predicting, even before she met him, that he would love the sight of her bare legs when she wore it, the hem brushing her thighs, exposing her bottom if she lifted her arms.

How on Earth did he keep getting this lucky? Frank was not a particularly good man, he used to thank the heavens for Maria everyday. And now, after all his faith was obliterated and he thought he was doomed to walk the rest of his days alone, he gets her. He gets Karen, all to himself, and if that’s not proof that there is a God that, for some reason, likes Frank, he doesn’t know what is.

Or maybe she’s God herself. He wouldn’t be surprised.

Walking to her, he feels a lump in his throat that, he knows, will dissolve as soon as he touches her. He knows, because it happens all the time. She dissolved his horrors, his terror, his fear and his worry. She dissolved him under her fingers, her lips, under her smile and her tongue, only to put him back together with a look, her arms and legs around him, every time she opened the door.

Frank stops behind her and weaves his left arm around her waist, bringing her back to his chest, burrowing his nose inside her hair, right hand on the counter.

“It’s almost ready”, she informs him, cocking her head under his lips, left hand quickly stroking the arm around her before going back to her task.

“Ok”, he says, feeling almost dizzy as the truth and the depth of his devotion becomes clear to him. He breathes in and out slowly, enjoying her proximity, wondering, praying, for the millionth time, perhaps, that he’s not still in a coma, that this is as real as it feels, he has her. He has her. And, even if he is still trapped in a hospital bed, somewhere, he still does. He still feels, she’s still real. “I love you”.

It leaves his mouth like a prayer, like a promise, like something so simple and so clean, like the one beacon of light in an otherwise bleak, dark existence. He does, he loves her, and his brow furrows as he breathes her in again, just as she turns her head to look at him and, Lord, he wants to drop to his knees and worship, pray, thank whoever he has to thank for her, forever.

A smile that is nothing but divine spreads on her lips, and she blinks, and swallows and lifts her hands to wrap her arms around his neck, and he’s so close to her, he can feel her heart against his chest when he holds her back, so tight, and that moment stretches, the world stops spinning, just for them.

“I love you, too”, she whispers there in their small space, her apartment that became a sanctuary, a sacred place, the only place he can let go of all that makes The Punisher. “You know that, don’t you?”

He swallows, feeling light, lighter than he ought to feel. Smiles at her when she moves back to look at him.

“I do now.”

He should let go of her, so he could get dressed, so she could finish with the food, so they could eat and he could check on her arm.

But he holds her, holds her up in the air and Karen lowers her head to kiss him again, so slow, so full, so loving, tugging on his towel and he won’t let go.

Not ever.

#kastle #kastle drabble #kastle fluff #kastlelibrary #kastle fic #Frank and Karen #Karen and Frank #Frank Castle #Karen Page #Daredevil fic #answered #byameliak #prompt #Hell's Kitchen Cronicles #writing

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