#How fucking embarrassing is it that I reblogged MYSELF most????

[kay-elle-cee]

I posted 1,404 times in 2022

That's 1,390 more posts than 2021!

353 posts created (25%)

1,051 posts reblogged (75%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@kay-elle-cee

@emeralddoeadeer

@unknowableroom

@periodedits

@vlolets

I tagged 1,191 of my posts in 2022

Only 15% of my posts had no tags

#queue gotta step into the daylight - 361 posts

#jily - 203 posts

#kelsey writes - 154 posts

#ask game - 65 posts

#ask me - 59 posts

#emeralddoeadeer - 58 posts

#fic recs - 52 posts

#restless waves rise and fall - 44 posts

#jilytober - 44 posts

#potc - 42 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#and like all my friends and my partner don’t have that same history of fandom and it’s so hard to communicate my overzealousness sometimes

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Magic Like This || Read on Ao3

“Do you want to go?” He presses. “It’s not that simple.” If only it was. Of course she didn’t want to go. The boy in front of her shrugs. “It sounds simple enough to me: it’s going to be miserable for you. Don’t go.” Lily blinks at him—he speaks as if it’s the easiest thing in the world to just live by your own rules, put yourself first. He’s standing there, staring at her as the concept winds its way through her mind. What Lily really wants, if she’s being honest with herself, is to spend the day with James Potter.

My fic for the @jilytoberfest Bittersweet Challenge. Prompt: "Don't Go" but make it fluff.

71 notes - Posted October 15, 2022

#4

restless waves rise and fall || read chapter one on ao3

In efficiency and general seafaring know-how, First Mate Evans makes up for what Captain Potter lacks.

So she has to make up for a lot.

Or: In which James Potter is a gentleman pirate and Lily Evans is his loyal but vastly more competent First Mate.

Written for @thegobletofweasleys​ Jily Week 2022 pirate au prompt. It has since gotten out of hand and is currently shaping up to be 3 parts (you can blame @sunshinemarauder​ for the encouragement).

78 notes - Posted July 19, 2022

#3

no, i could never give you peace | Read on Ao3 | Playlist

But the rain is always gonna come if you’re standing with me Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?

James blinks. “Are you breaking up with me, Evans?” he jokes softly, resting his hand on hers. It’s a joke, but her body tenses and it immediately puts him on edge. The silence that follows is excruciating.

“I’m not doing anything.” Her nails begin to tap on the mug again—a nervous habit that James spots immediately. “I just think we should have a conversation.”

93 notes - Posted June 8, 2022

#2

I got this idea like 5 minutes ago and have been living in Saturday Night's Alright-land for so long, I'm letting myself choose joy.

7th-Year September 1st drabble below the cut.

James hastily waved off his parents with all the sincerity he could muster before he and Sirius started weaving their way through the start-of-term crowd on Platform 9 3/4 for the last time. To Fleamont and Euphemia, this was a momentous turning point, deserving some sort of emotional farewell or well-wishing, but to James it was simply an item on a checklist.

Arrive at platform: Check.

Still, he would've been more sympathetic to his parents' attentions had someone not delayed their arrival by oversleeping.

"Oi, slow down, Prongs. Christ!"

Sirius trailed behind him, navigating the crowds with more care than the other boy, who was charging through the crowd with a fervor that Sirius was all too familiar with by now.

James' eyes flitted rapidly from face to face as he made his way across the platform, searching for those brilliant eyes and the shock of red hair that he hadn't seen in much too long.

This summer had been one for the books, as far as James Potter was concerned, anyway. The freedom of being of-age with none of the responsibilities of school had meant a virtually unlimited choice of ways to entertain themselves this summer. Most evenings saw the soon-to-be 7th year Gryffindors—along with some other classmates—convalescing somewhere or other in Diagon Alley, finding little-known hidden gems of pubs or clubs, cooling themselves off with ice cream at Florean Fortescue's, or just causing general summertime mischief.

It was wonderful to feel so bonded with the others in their house going into their final year, and it had the added bonus of finally sparking that something between he and Lily Evans.

It was nothing serious—not yet. Just little stolen moments throughout the summer: a lingering glance across the table, inconspicuous hand-holding when they found themselves in the back of the group, the occasional goodnight kiss when one of them needed to side-along Apparate the other home. Little stolen moments that had been driving James mad these last few weeks Lily was visiting family and unable to join the end-of-summer hurrahs.

They had been writing each other, however, in her absence. She'd written him excitedly about her appointment as Head Girl, which was completely unsurprising to him as there was no better candidate (and he told her so). He had written back, nervously, and relayed how—incredibly—he'd been named Head Boy, only to be unexpectedly showered with congratulations and 'of course, it's unorthodox, but it makes sense'. They'd exchanged letters about the things they'd miss once Hogwarts was over, their lists of must-do's this year to fully glean the most out of their final year. They'd exchanged 'I miss you's and 'I wish you were here's and 'I can't wait to see you's.

Nearing the other side of the crowded platform, his eyes spotted that specific shade of red that had made this summer so superior to the others. His eyes zeroed in on Lily Evans, hair pulled back, Head Girl badge proudly displayed on her robes as she helped direct what he could only guess was a First Year into the train. His feet halted any forward-movement as his breath left his lungs.

'I can't wait to see you. I miss you.'

Locate Lily Evans: Check.

James moved forward with renewed vigor, her eyes finding his as the First Year loaded onto the train. A smile broke out on her face as he drew near, and gods how he wished he was able to get here earlier just so he could take in her expression that much sooner.

"Hey, you," she called lightly as he neared, looking up at him. "Big day for us, eh?"

Now face-to-face with her for the first time in weeks, after thinking only of her for the entirety of the time since she last left his sight, words escape him. Instead, he smiled down at her, at the anticipation in her eyes and felt sure in a way he hadn't felt with her in a long time, and bent down to capture her lips with his own, hand cupping her cheek.

She leaned into his touch instantly, responding to his kiss with an enthusiasm that caused James' pulse to pound in his ears, drowning out the sounds of the platform around them.

Kiss Lily Evans: Check.

James felt Lily's lips pull into another grin, and he took this as his cue to step back, breaking the kiss and grinning down at her, knowing that the excited glint in her eyes matched his own.

"Well, I meant leading the Prefects' meeting, but glad to know where your head's at," she quipped, unable to wipe the smile from her face.

James shrugged, hand flying to his hair with residual nerves. "Sorry, I was just...excited to see you."

Lily stepped forward, reaching up and pulling his hand down from his hair and lacing her fingers in his. Her eyes lingered on the sight of their entwined fingers as a blush painted her cheeks. "I'm excited to see you, too." Her eyes flickered back up to meet his, eyebrow quirking as she tugged him forward towards the train. "Well come on then. We have a meeting to run."

James followed her, gladly, as they loaded onto the train, feeling a little lighter in his step.

Be with Lily Evans: Check.

96 notes - Posted September 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

But the rain is always gonna come if you're standing with me Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?

James blinks. “Are you breaking up with me, Evans?” he jokes softly, resting his hand on hers. It’s a joke, but her body tenses and it immediately puts him on edge. The silence that follows is excruciating.

“I’m not doing anything.” Her nails begin to tap on the mug again—a nervous habit that James spots immediately. “I just think we should have a conversation.”

Playlist

Read on Ao3

97 notes - Posted June 6, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #How fucking embarrassing is it that I reblogged MYSELF most???? #Also this whole thing reads as absolutely unhinged #Sorry y’all and thanks for following #✌🏼

[sevenhundred721]

Things that permanently broke my art style:

-Transformers

-Dungeon Meshi

-Jojo's Bizarre Adventure

-YuGiOh

-school assignment that required me to draw politicians (forced me to figure out how to stylize real people in a way that reads neither as charicature nor cartoon. It was fun, and it made me appreciate bringing a bit more ruggedness to my characters who were previously mostly smooth and young looking as well as getting me excited about curbing same face syndrome)

-comic books in general

#we had to make like. political posters explaining different facets of the us government #i did the art of the poster so i did a bunch of slightly stylized portraits of politicians because i didn't trust myself to do realism #i genuinely think that assignment changed how i thought about art #it made me appreciate drawing wrinkles and baldness and just various other things that aren't considered aesthetically appealing #shifted me pretty strongly out of the anime brained tweenager mindset #i started drawing a lot more old people and skin conditions and baldness #it really helped me break away from anything resembling same face syndrome because drawing a bunch of real people really reminds you how #many options there really are #there are so many options infinite combinations why the fuck would i wanna draw the same anime face a million times #when there are really truly unlimited options #and a part of me is kinda embarrassed that it was political art for a school assignment that helped me most with this #but it's also funny to me #but yeah #being a middle schooler who pretty much exclusively draws anime and cartoons suddenly discovering the joys of portraiture is so beautiful #q #i know queue tagging posts is mostly for the sake of reblogs #but whatever this post is in my queue if you even care

[catcze]

Reblogs are greatly appreciated !!

「 ### : 」 Modern AU ish !! GN Reader gets drunk at the club !! But Navia and Clorinde stay with you through it tho, because they're your good friends !! This is literally just humor and reader not recognizing Wrio but gushing over your husband so so much !! Reader swears when drunk bc same lmao

Had a vision. No editing. Feast on this while I feast on my Nissin Bulalo cup noodles.

The moment Wriotheseley steps into the club, he immediately spots you. Even over the painful strobing lights, the sea of dancing bodies, he can single you out a mile away— regardless of the fact that you're slumped over the bar, drunk out of your mind.

"Navia, Clorinde," he greets with a wave, hurrying over. His voice has to be almost a yell to be heard over the loud music.

They sit on either barstool beside you, bracketing you between them. When he approaches, Clorinde hands him your phone, and he knows who he has to thank for the 'come pick your bae up' text. The moment he's close enough, he's already looking you over, making sure you're alright.

"Sweetheart," Wriothesley tries to rouse you, but you just mumble and splay out further on the bar. Your hand knocks into a mostly-emptied glass of what he can only assume was tonight's poison of choice.

"How many—"

"More than five," Navia tells him, grinning sheepishly, just as Clorinde says, "Nine."

Your husband shakes his head fondly, sighing, and turns back to you. "Sweetheart," he tries again, voice a bit louder. He places a heavy hand on your waist, coaxing you up. "Let's g—"

But at the touch, your eyes —still hazy and unfocused on account of the nine drinks you've had— shoot open, and you whirl on him in your seat. If not for the hold he still keeps on your hip, you may have just toppled over. There's a look of unbridled, drunken rage on your face, more comical than actually terrifying.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" you hiss, slurring, as you wrench his hand off of you and fling it away with such contempt that he has to stifle a laugh. "Keep your hands off of the masterpieces, bucko."

Not even giving him a moment to breathe, you shove your left hand in his face, vehemently pointing at the ring that sits on your fourth finger. "I! Am! Married! If I tell my husband that you're out here getting handsy, he's gonna come and kick your ass sooo hard. He's gonna rock your shit, you trick ass bitch, if i don't do it myself!"

Wriothesley shouldn't find this funny— he shouldn't. But Navia and Clorinde and fighting smiles behind their palms themselves, and he can't help the grin that breaks across his face.

"Oh? Is your husband that strong?" He can't help but ask, and you scoff.

"Is he that strong— you wanna find out for yourself? Huh? Wriothesley could— could—" you hiccup, and he has to fight the urge to coo. "He could knock you out with just a flick of his fingers, you know!"

"And is your Wriothesley more handsome than me?"

You turn your nose up at him, scowling. Once, twice, you try to cross your arms in contempt as you drunkenly look him up and down.

"You're alright," you begrudge, "but my Wriothesley is the— the most handsomest man in the world! The fucking prettiest! No one holds a candle to my husband and his broad shoulders and his thick thighs and his... and his adorable smile."

Wriothesley has to bite his lip to control his grin. Navia is fighting for her life to stifle her giggles, and Clorinde hides her amused smile behind a cough.

It's like that loosened your tongue though, and you continue on, oblivious to the embarrassment you'd face the next morning.

"And he— he'll be very upset when he finds out that you're here, hitting on someone who is very happily married to one of the best men on this side of the fucking galaxy, so— so you can fuck off!"

He really, really tries his best to not laugh.

You huff, patting down your pockets and grumbling incoherently about your phone, not even questioning it when Wriothesley hands it back to you himself. It takes only a second of you furiously tapping your screen before his own phone buzzes in his pants.

[Sweetheart ♡]

babe pookie pick e ip plrase im drunk and i wanna go homd snd yhere's this assholr hitting o me love yoy [location attached]

As soon as the texts go out though, you yawn and the energy leaves you in one fell swoop. Wriothesley manages to catch you before you face plant back on the bar and break your nose, maneuvering you to lean into his chest. The fight escaping you, you nuzzle into his black button up, rubbing your face against him like a big cat.

"Mmm. I know that cologne." Blearily, you look up and make eye contact with those pretty, pretty blue eyes, and your face immediately lights up in the most delighted grin. "Wrio!" you gasp, arms coming to wrap around his waist and pull him towards you. You're still drunk, still pretty out of it, but it melts his heart how overjoyed you are to see him.

"Hi sweetheart," he says fondly, running a hand through your hair. Happily, you lean into his touch. "Have a fun time with Navia and Clorinde?"

"Mhm. Missed you though." Then, your eyes pop open and you sit up, looking around furiously as if you're looking for someone. When you don't find this person, you lean in to whisper conspiratorially in his ear— "There was this guy who tried to make the moves on me, you know! But I told him that I'm super duper married and with the bestest husband ever— if you wanna double team him, I'm sure the guy's around here somewhere."

But your husband just chuckles, pulling you back into his embrace. Smoothly, Wriothesley has you wrap your arms around his shoulders and your legs around his waist so he can easily pick you up and into his arms.

"You two need a ride home?" He asks the two, but they shake their heads.

"Appreciated, but we only split a drink between us," Clorinde says, already standing up alongside Navia. "We'll be fine."

"Get home safe, you two!" The blonde says, waving you off, and that's that.

Wriothesley easily maneuvers the two of you out of the club, you having already fallen asleep on his shoulder. He can hear your soft breaths in his ear and feel the way you cling to him even in your sleep. No doubt you'd have a raging hangover tomorrow, but that's okay— because you'll have him to take care of you, too.

Bonus!!

You wake up to hands down the worst fucking headache in your whole life. Your temple hurts so hard that you swear your head's gonna crack open like an egg. Groaning, you pull the covers over your head and roll over, blotting out the mid-day sunlight as best as you can.

There's a chuckle from the other side of the bed, then weight moving across the sheets— then your husband's face appears in front of you, under the blankets too.

"So, darling sweetheart of mine" he starts, voice soft as to not aggravate your headache, and you're grateful. "What were you saying about my broad shoulders and my thick thighs?"

You're suddenly not as grateful.

Promptly, you kick him out of your blanket cave, and he goes with a laugh. He leaves you grumbling on the bed, cursing out all the drinks you had last night and swearing to never ever ever drink again.

Wriothesley grins, shutting the curtains of your bedroom as he ambles out the door, dead set on getting you water, advil, and something to eat.

Maybe by the end of the day, you'd add 'endlessly doting' to the list.

[ #Taglist registration here !! ]

#astronetwrk #「 🐈‍⬛ 」 catcze.desserts #wriothesley x reader #genshin impact x reader #cw gn reader #cw alcohol #wriothesley #genshin impact

[mrsbarnesblog]

i can't let you get hurt

masterlist ko-fi ao3

Summary: You have just moved to New York, where your adopted brother Steve has been living for 5 years. Desperate to make new friends, you give the dating app another go. You didn’t even think that you would have to ask for help from the person who has not left your thoughts for the past month - your brother’s best friend.

Word count: 3.3k

Warnings: fluff, reader is Steve's adopted sister, mechanic Bucky, creepy behaviour, protective Bucky.

Author's note: Does anyone know if community labels are reducing the number of likes and reblogs? because my last post received a suspiciously small amount of notes🤔 but I'm afraid to remove them because Tumblr might decide to block me again

Moving to New York was the idea that has been sitting in your head for a long period of time. Since your adopted brother Steve finished high school, he moved there without any money, without friends, and only with a lot of desires and dreams. You stayed in your small town with your and Steve’s adopted parents because you were only fifteen at the time. It’s been almost five years, and right now he owns an auto repair shop, and as far as you know, it’s a pretty successful place.

You knew that you had nothing to lose; you had no opportunities in your city, no close friends, and it was a really boring and gray life.

Steve only visited you two times, but you regularly spoke on the phone. So when your plane finally landed and you met him, you were kind of a crying mess. He was still your closest person, and you loved him with your whole heart. Steve was now much bigger, with broad shoulders and arms that were probably the same size as your head, but he still had that golden retriever energy, which you really loved.

Steve helped you find your apartment building, where you rented a small and cozy flat from a nice old lady. It wasn’t too much—just a bedroom and living room connected with a tiny kitchen and bathroom. Everything was clean, with light furniture and a lot of plants. It was actually surprising that this place had an affordable rent, and you were happy that luck was on your side.

On the next day, your brother finally showed you his famous place, which he owned with his now best friend Bucky Barnes. And talking about him, he was something else. A tall, big man with fluffy chocolate hair, stubble, and the most beautiful blue eyes you've ever seen. You knew that you were fucked as soon as he looked you directly in the eyes, shook your hand, and gave you a charming smile.

You met almost everyone in the garage. All the guys were super nice and friendly, they even showed you all of their cars that they were working with. You were happy that Steve found such a family here, they were all obviously so close to each other. 

Yet, after a month here, you had almost no friends. You found a job in the coffee shop down the street, where you met an amazing redhead girl named Wanda. You chatted a lot during the work, but you two were still far from friends.

That's how you ended up here. On a date with John.

For some reason, you decided to give that stupid dating app another try. John found you there, and he seemed nice, so when on the second day he decided to invite you to a bar, you agreed without hesitation.

How long has it been since the last time someone asked you out? Year?  Yes, it was a little sad to realize that no one was particularly interested in you. Before moving to New York, all the guys you talked to seemed to only want one thing, so you had high hopes for John.

Your evening went well at first. You ordered a drink and chatted. He really seemed nice. After the second drink, you decided to stop for a bit because the alcohol started to make you feel dizzy, even though John was persuading you to taste more of the cocktails that he had brought you .

"You know, I think I better slow down with drinks; I really don’t want to be drunk and embarrass myself on the first date." You pushed your glass back a little, smiling politely.

"Oh, c'mon, baby, don’t upset me." John chuckled and put his hand on yours. You awkwardly smiled, not ready for such physical contact. "You’re here alone, right?" He tilted his head, and you didn't miss how his eyes stopped at your boobs.

"Um, not exactly... I mean, I know like five people in this city, and one of them is my brother. But we don’t live together; he has his own life." John nodded his head and leaned a little closer to you.

"So it means that we can have some fun, right, baby?"

"Fun?" 

"Mhm." One of his hands stayed on top of yours, and the other one suddenly fell on your leg. Your body tensed at the feeling of his fingers as they started to rub the bare skin of your inner thigh. You definitely didn’t expect it to happen. "I’ll take an Uber; we’ll go to my place, and we can continue our night. What do you think?"

"I didn’t want to—I mean, that’s not what I was looking for—I thought that we were going to just talk and drink, you know…" You tried to take his hand off of you, but his grip only became harder.

"Don’t try to run away now, baby." He grinned. "You dressed up for me, huh? Your tight little dress that shows your boobs says it all. You just want me." You felt goosebumps all over your body because of his look. It was intense and not as innocent as it was before. You felt disgusted because of his words. You wanted to look good, yes, but seducing him wasn’t part of your plan.

So what are you going to do now? You felt unsafe, and you didn’t know how you could escape this situation. He was obviously a creep, and he just wanted to have sex with you. You can’t go home because either he won't let you go or he might find out where you live.

 "O-okay- um- just let me- I’ll go to the restroom real quick, and we can go, okay?" You nervously smiled and stood up, almost spilling your cocktail.

"Someone’s excited, huh?" He laughed, looking at your body up and down.

You left without an answer. You really went to the restroom because the bar was half empty, and John would’ve definitely seen you going out. Luckily, the restroom was empty. You locked the door and looked at yourself in the mirror for a few seconds, trying to figure out what to do.

You reached into your purse to get your phone. The first person that came to mind was Steve. Only long beeps were heard, and after the third call, you gave up.

"Fuck, Steve, I really need you right now." You scrolled through your contacts again. It wasn’t a lie that you knew five people from New York. Steve was not answering his phone. Your neighbor Natasha and Wanda from work, were not your close friends, so it would’ve been weird to call them because of this. There was a number of an old lady who rented you an apartment, and she was obviously not an option. And there was another person.

Bucky.

Calling him in this situation was the last thing you wanted to do. Hell, he probably won’t even answer you because he thinks that you’re just his best friend’s little sister, and he’ll definitely make fun of you about this stupid date. But you had no other variants.

"Hello?" He picked up his phone almost immediately, and you even forgot what you wanted to say. "Y/N? Are you okay?" His deep voice was full of worry, and you couldn’t help but feel butterflies in your stomach.

"H-hey, Bucky. Um… I’m really, really sorry that I’m calling you, but Steve is not picking up his phone. Do you know where he is?" You walked around the small room, trying to calm down.

"Yeah, he’s meeting with some girl he's been talking about for days. He’s probably really busy right now." He chuckled, and you felt like you were about to cry. Bucky must’ve heard your breathing change because he immediately went silent. "Doll? What happened?"

"My God, it’s so stupid…" You squeezed your eyes, not wanting to cry.

"Tell me." 

"I’m at the bar. I’m on a date with a guy named John, and he became very persistent. He wants me to go to his place, but It’s- I’m not interested in this. And I can't just leave because I’m afraid that he can follow me and find out where I live… fuck I really don’t know what to do, and I wanted to ask Steve to pick me up." Your phone stayed silent for a few moments, and you already thought that he got tired of your mess and just ended the call. "Bucky?"

"Where are you? What bar? Are you in the restroom?" His voice was low, and you knew that he wasn’t happy with all of this.

"It’s that new place a few blocks away from my crib. With big neon red signs at the top. And I’m in the restroom right now."

"I’ll be there in five. Stay there and don’t open the door until you know it’s me." He said that and ended the call, leaving you nervous and excited at the same time.

The loud knock on the door almost made you jump. Fastly, but quietly, you reached there and tried to listen for any signs of who it could be.

"I hear you. Open the door; it’s me." The familiar voice came from behind the door.

You opened the door and met Bucky’s beautiful blue eyes. He seemed a little bit out of breath, as if he had run here. You quickly scanned his body, and the fact that he was wearing your favorite leather jacket made you weak in the knees. His dark brown locks that curled at the ends almost asked you to touch them. It was not your fault that this idiot always looked ridiculously hot every single time. 

"C’mon, let’s get you home, doll." He grabbed your hand, leading you out of the bathroom to the bar, where you immediately saw a clearly annoyed John. You saw that Bucky looked at him too, but he stopped only when you were already on the street and when your bad date ran after you, loudly calling your name. 

"Hey! Where the fuck are you going? We were supposed to go to my place! You already found someone else to fuck or what?" He yelled, grabbing your other hand at the same time. You felt Bucky quickly move you behind him while still holding your wrist. 

"Don’t fucking touch her. She’s leaving, and if I ever see you near her again, I'll rip your useless hands off. Understood?" Bucky growled, straightening his body. He was obviously bigger than John, who was now less brave. John looked at you for a few seconds as he was thinking about what he should say to you, but then just turned around and left. Apparently, you weren't worth it.

You didn’t know whether it was the cool night air or this whole tense situation that made you tremble. You felt Bucky’s warm body get closer to you, and his large, calloused hand rested on your shoulder. It made you feel a little bit fuzzy because you were trying so hard to hide your little (big) crush on your brother’s best friend. Yeah, it was the biggest cliche, but you couldn’t even blame yourself. He was extremely beautiful, with those blue eyes, rosy lips, and a body that you knew was built like God's. Not to mention that Bucky was sweet and a true gentleman.

"You’re shaking, doll. Wait a second." He started to take off his jacket, and you tried to stop him.

"Bucky, no, what are you doing? You don’t have to; it’s not even that cold!" He just playfully rolled his eyes and still threw a jacket over your shoulders, leaving himself only in the tight black shirt. God, this man.

A sudden wave of his cologne surrounded you. Bucky always smelled good. Something clean with a spicy and woody scent. The leather was still warm from his body, and you fought against the desire to bury your nose in it. You didn't even realize that you actually did it, so when you opened your eyes, you saw Bucky, who had this annoying grin on his face.

"So you like it, huh?" He chuckled. 

"Oh, shut up. I didn't want to do that."

"Of course, doll. But we should go, I have to take you home safely, right?" Bucky said, leading you to the parking lot. To a motorcycle.

"A motorcycle?" You asked Bucky as you stepped closer to him. "No, I—where’s your car? I’ve never ridden on one of those." He had already sat there and had two helmets in his hands.

"I left it in the garage and didn’t want to make you wait here for too long. But you don’t have to worry; I know what I'm doing, and I'll take care of you. I promise." You came closer to him and let him put a helmet on you. You really tried not to tremble as his hands gently fixed it under your chin. "Now sit behind me and put your legs here." He pointed at the weird looking thing.

You felt weird as soon as you sat in the passenger seat. Bucky was so close, and you could feel the warmth of his body even if it was cold outside. Where should I put my hands? Hug him? Put it behind me? You awkwardly placed it on your own legs, and Bucky must’ve immediately felt your tense body because you heard a chuckle, and the next moment he grabbed your hands and put it around his waist. "You should put it right here, doll. You don’t wanna fall, do you?"

You slightly shook your head before you placed it on his back. It was really hard to control yourself when your hands were laying on his hard press. For fuck’s sake, he should be perfect everywhere, huh?

"Hold on tight, Darlin'." You heard another deep chuckle, and he finally put his helmet on.

You don't know how long you were driving, but when Bucky finally pulled up outside your apartment building, you felt sad and happy at the same time. The ride was something else. This man almost gave you a heart attack when you stopped at a red light and he put his hand on your bare leg and asked if you were okay.

He’s just being nice, stop overthinking this.

You knew Bucky for only one month, but it was hard not to fall for him. He was an attractive, kind, and really generous man; you knew that he was like a part of Steve's family. Sometimes, when you visited your brother and accidentally met Bucky, for a few seconds you thought that maybe he finds you attractive. You always caught him looking at you.

But you knew this type of guy—always charming and flirting—who could have pretty much anyone. It was stupid of you to think that he saw you as something more than just Steve’s little sister.

"See, I told you that I was a good driver and that you'd get home safely." He hopped off the motorcycle and stood before you while you were trying to take the helmet off. "Let me unlock it."

"Thank you, Bucky." You said when you were finally free. "For this, for the jacket... You were probably very busy, and I just ruined your night by making you take care of me. Oh my god, I’m really sorry. I just wanted to forget about one person, and I thought that going on that stupid date would be a good idea, but it seems like the only thing that men want here is sex." You chuckled and watched to the ground.

"Now listen to me, doll." Bucky suddenly stepped closer to you, and you almost fainted when both of his hands took your face and forced you to look him right in the eyes. "You shouldn’t apologize for calling me. I was just hanging out with the guys from the garage, but as soon as you called me, I left everything because I can’t let you get hurt." He nervously licked his lips, and you hope that he didn’t notice how you stared at this movement. Bucky’s hands left your face and ended up on your upper arms. Did he come closer to me? "I don’t know who you were trying to forget about, but I hope that he or she is worth your time."

"We– we’re not really close. I’m probably not even his type." You shrugged. Bucky’s jaw clenched, and he buried his hands in the jeans pockets, as if he was angry and tried not to show you. As soon as he made a distance between you two, you body started trembling.

"Is it someone from the garage?" His head was a little bit tilted to the side, and you knew that right now he wouldn’t shut up about it until you gave him a name. "Maybe Sam? Or Thor? Many girls like him, you know. Do you like show-offs like Stark? Or…"

"You."

You both were silent.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. What were you thinking?

"Say it again." Your throat felt dry, and you just stared at him, not knowing what to do. 

"I– Just forget about it, Bucky. It’s stupid–"

You weren't able to finish because a soft pair of lips interrupted you. One of Bucky’s hands cupped your face, lifting you up to his level, and another one laid on your waist. He was soft, warm, and gentle when his lips moved on top of yours. Your head was in the clouds, and it felt like your knees became weaker. You wrapped your arms around Bucky’s neck, completely melting into him. He wanted to stay like this forever. Your skin and your lips were so soft, he could smell your perfume and taste your sweet lip gloss. But he knew that he should stop and do it the right way. After a few seconds, he finally pulled away, but he put his forehead on yours, and it was so cozy, like you two were in a bubble.

"I’m sorry. Was this too much? I overstepped?" He licked his lips as if he were trying to get more of your taste. "I have been thinking about asking you out since the day I saw you. I wanted to do it right. To take you on a date, to be the gentleman that you deserve, and maybe get a kiss on the cheek at the end of the night. Sorry. I didn’t even know that you liked me." Bucky wrapped his hands around your waist, and you nuzzled into his neck, enjoying his scent.

"And I didn’t know that you liked me either. I thought that you felt obligated to take care of me because I'm your best friend’s sister."

"No, I promise you." He kissed the top of your head. "But Steve’s gonna kill me, by the way. He told all of us that you’re not an option and that we can’t touch you."

"Well, I love him, but he can’t decide for me."

"So… Does this mean that you’ll say ‘yes’ if I ask you to go on a date with me? On Sunday, maybe?" You lifted your head to look at him properly, and God, he was so cute when he was nervous.

"Of course, Buck, I wanna go out with you." You smiled at him, and he lowered himself again to give you another sweet kiss on the lips.

"Fuck, you should go home, doll. You’re too sweet for your own good. Wanna keep you all for myself." He mumbled against your lips. "Go."

"Goodnight, Bucky. Please text me when you get home, ‘kay?"

"I will. Goodnight, Doll." You left a soft kiss on his stubbled cheek before finally turning around to go home.

Only at home did you realize that you were still wearing his jacket. At least it was a good excuse for Bucky to see you again sooner. That night, you both ended up texting for hours until you couldn’t keep your eyes open.

Maybe a date with John wasn’t that bad of an idea.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky fanfic #bucky x reader #bucky x you #james bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #marvel #bucky barnes x you #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes imagine

[lucyandalexiafan]

Blow off steam | Alexia Putellas x reader | part 3

summary: Alexia finally fucks reader

warnings: dom!Alexia, sub!reader, pussy spanking, using of collar and leash, degradation, praise, use of pet names / slut, dirty talk, orgasm denial.

words: 3 k

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She's so hot in this way, with messy hair, red cheeks, and parted lips.

Her index finger grabs some of her arousal that is on my chin and brings it to my lips. I immediately surround it with them.

I lick it.

I suck in every drop of what she brings to my mouth.

I move my arms in an attempt to free myself.

She smiles sadisticly.

"You were so good baby - she pauses, licking her lip - my perfect good girl" 

I moan loudly trying to arch my body. 

My belly hurts for the contractions.

"I beg you," I gasp. 

She raises her hand, fingers together, not far from my cheek.

I close my eyes when I realize she might want to hit my face.

I turn my head to the other side.

After a few moments, nothing happens.

"I beg you what, amor?" the sardonic tone.

"Can I come? Reina, I beg you" 

"You want to cum immediately, don't you? You're so needy." 

She makes fun of me.

I nod.

"Yes Reina, I beg you - I gasp as I find a minimum of pleasure in rubbing my thighs together - I will be a good girl... your good little girl" 

She sneers.

"Oh, no, baby... To be my good baby you have to give me at least more two orgasms, better three" 

I open my eyes wide.

What does it mean? 

Two more orgasms denied? 

I can't do it.

"No, please... I beg you, Reina... I implore you" 

Her eyes sparkle with sadism looking to my despair, my need, for an orgasm.  

“Safeword?” 

I swallow the saliva.

"G-green Reina" 

She smiles as she bends down to kiss me.

Her lips against mine in a passionate kiss.

She grins on my lips when I try to move my arms another time.

She caresses my cheek when she pulls away, a sweet gesture.

"My perfect baby," she sighs, looking at me with a sweet smile. 

I blush and look away in embarrassment.

How can she look at me like this? 

A woman like her to be like that with me.

"You're so embarrassed baby - she chuckles - I just rode your face, I punished you, I stopped you from cumming... and you're still embarrassed. You're so innocent." 

I close my eyes. 

The contractions are getting stronger and stronger.

I tighten the headboard of the bed.

"You're so innocent as a submissive, little girl... the most innocent I've ever had" 

The nail of her forefinger brushes against my face.

It reaches the neck, where it applies more pressure.

I arch my neck back.

How is such a simple thing so exciting? 

I gasp as she wraps her hand around my neck.

She squeezes it.

I gasp spasmodically with excitement.  

"My innocent, masochistic, little girl," she adds.

I clench my thighs in response.

"I beg you, Reina"  

I look at her.

She sadistically grins. 

She gets up from my chest and crawls back. 

Her face near my breasts.

She bites a nipple.

I scream in surprise and pain.

“Safeword” 

"Green R-Re-" I can't finish that bites it back.

She licks it.

She bites one breast, then the other.

I moan uncontrollably.

The pleasure increases more and more.

It intoxicates me.

It overwhelms me.

"Could my little girl cum only thanks to the nipple stimulation?" 

I nod my head, almost choking on my saliva.

Pleasure to the stars.

"So hypersensitive," she bites my nipple again, "so desperate." 

I move my arms.

She's moaning on my body.

Then, she plays with the other nipple, running it through her fingers.

I arch my back.

"I beg you, Reina"  

I gasp through the moans.

I messily swallow my saliva.

I wrap my legs around her body.

The excitement continues to soar, to rise, to intoxicating me.

"My baby is cumming" she teases me until she pulls away.

I move my arms several times.

I wrap my legs around her torso, as to try to hold her back, to not let her go away, to give me more pleasure. 

"You're so desperate" 

She loves teasing me, edging me.

I'm so submissive. 

So slave to her will.

So dependent on her care.

I start begging her, to implore her. 

“Safeword?” 

"Green" I scream "Green Reina... I beg you" 

She Sneers.

"Can I turn you, baby?" 

I nod as I answer her.

She shifts my body and then grabs my side and spins me around.

My hands tightened even tighter by the tie. 

I groan in surprise.

She asks me for the safeword and I answer as before.

She rests a knee between my legs, directly against my pussy. 

I whine in a hurry of surprise.

And then she starts rubbing me. 

"Hump on it baby - she gasps as she spanks me - Rub yourself like a good slut, like the good slut I know you are" 

I gasp at the verbal degradation.

"Like the good slut you were before".

I start rubbing myself when she pushes her knee against my pussy again, applying more pressure, and I slide against her hips.

My back arched downwards, breasts against the sheet, arms outstretched.

She seems to like it, to like my position.

A hand hitting my butt repeatedly.

"Reina" 

I'm discomposed, certainly not sensual, but I move trying to reach the orgasm rubbing against her soaked thigh.

"In-insult me, Reina," I groan, clutching the sheet through my fingers, "I beg you." 

She leans over me.

The knee that puts the most pressure. 

She takes the leash of the collar, pulling it towards her.

My arms stretched out, my thighs in contact with her thighs, my ass pressed against her hips making me moan for the pain.

"Do you want me to degrade you, baby? - I nod furiously forcing on the grip of the collar - Does degradation excite you, mh?" 

I nod as the pleasure builds and she pulls the leash harder when I'm not talking her back.

I choke with my saliva.

The pleasure from the grip is becoming painful.

She moves her knee against my cunt, rubbing it against me. 

I scream for pleasure.

"My slut is so submissive. You like to be humiliated, don't you? You like that your Reina humiliates you, you like the feeling of giving power to someone else who exploits it against you, don't you?" 

I nod furiously in gasp.

Her knee does not miss a beat of the pace and I'm moving discomposedly against it.

"I-I'm y-your... your sl-slut" I gasp as I'm about to cum.

I beg her to aloud me cum.  

I warn her that the pleasure is about to invade me. 

"My slut? - she pretends to think about it, her higher voice to imitate me, teasing me - Oh yes, you're my slut" 

Her lips touch my ear.

She moans in my ear. 

"My submissive slut who just wants to be dominated and degraded" 

She licks my neck and then bites it, the teeth that hit my skin. 

I continue to beg her, to implore her to make me cum.

And then, as it began, it rises, leaving me on the edge of orgasm, torn apart by the grip of pleasure, of the contractions, of the seizures from need.

I call her several times with no answer other than her giggling.

“Safeword” 

"G-re-n" I sigh, in the throes of spasms.

"Can you stand another denial, little girl?" she asks sitting near my face, on the bed.

I nod against the mattress.

The tears for the missed pleasure that wet the sheet.

I close my thighs by squeezing them several times one against the other. 

The body is crossed by sobs.

Her hand rests on my hair caressing it.

"My beautiful, perfect, little slut"  

I nod against the mattress. 

"Y-yo-ur... o-only yo-ur R-ina" 

"You're so good baby that it seems almost impossible to me" 

I moan at the way that she alternates compliments with insults.

This is more than I could have hoped for before.

Her finger brushes against my back and up to my ass, I contract it by holding it up. 

"Your skin is so red," she chuckles, "now it is more," she adds, hitting my skin again.

I push myself towards the headboard trying to escape from the slaps.

My body contracted constantly with sobs.

"Please... please" 

The hand strikes again my ass. 

"I'd like to fuck you, little girl" 

I open my eyes wide.

"But you should turn around" 

I nod panting as I turn on my back, groaning in pain when the red skin of my ass touches the sheets.

"Uh, look at you, baby... With tears and red cheeks, but you're so soaked... Does humiliation have this effect on you, my little slut?" 

I nod and arch my back as I'm seeking pleasure against the mattress.

"You're so intellectual baby - pause as I look at her - My baby hides a huge slutty side" 

I moan as I move my arms again, all this mental thing is eating up my body.

"I can smell you from here" she adds.

The blush makes its way to my cheeks while I gasp when she starts playing with my breasts again. 

"Look at you, baby... a mess of excitement, full of my marks, tied to my bed - hits a breast - You're so slutty that I didn't even think of you like that in my dreams" 

"Stop, please," I gasp and try to catch my breath "Please, can I come, Reina? I beg you" 

She grins as he sits in front of me.

"As long as you don't say the safeword, I'll keep going, baby," she pauses as if waiting for me to say it, "Maybe my slut doesn't want anything more than that? To be humiliated as long as she can bear it?"  

She slaps my pussy when I don't respond.

I spread my legs wide in response.

She does it again.

I scream.  

"YES... humiliate me Reina - I swallow the saliva and realize that she stopped my legs - I'm your slut to humiliate, Reina"

She grins as she lays back between my legs and places her hands along my upper thighs.

"What do you want me to do to you, little girl?" 

I arch my torso towards her, pressing my feet, pelvis and shoulder blades against the mattress, while my arousal slides inexorably out of my body.

"Fu-uck m-e R-Reina" 

I scream when she hits my pussy again.

"I don't think that's the right way to ask" she says, then hits me again.

I beg her to constantly, interrupted by moans, by sobs. 

She touches me slowly and lightly my pussy. 

I scream when the tip of her finger brushes my entrance.

I pull my arms harder than ever, almost hurting.

I'll have some marks or bruises tomorrow.

"REINA" 

She sneers.  

"Look at you... You're so soaked I don't even have to lubricate you - her fingers brushing against my clit - I could fuck you with all my fingers and I wouldn't have any trouble" 

"P-please" I whisper.

A finger, her index finger I think, goes into me.

I moan arching against it and she slides it into me to her knuckle.

"Beg me to move my finger" 

How much more does she want to torture me? 

"I... I b-eg... b-eg... f-fuck me - I gasp as I feel her move slightly - I-I'll be yo-ur go-d slut" 

I look at her.

Her eyes were entirely covered by sadism, by a sinister light I'd never seen before. She's completely abandoned to the sadism, the physical and mental sadism. 

She begins to move it inexorably, slowly.

The other hand is in contact with my inner thighs caressing them.

I scream when she adds another one.

From time to time she compliments me.  

She tells me I'm her good girl.

She tells me I'm her perfect girl.  

My cheeks burn inevitably. 

She adds a third and I feel so open, so full. 

"You're always so tight little girl" 

I moan with pleasure and pain.

The slow pace is killing me and she's using it both to get me used to it and to increase my agony.

I scream when she raises it.

"My good little girl is taken three fingers - she bends down to kiss my pubis - So good... so warm" 

I implore her.

I scream when my orgasm is about to come.

I advise her of it hoping that this will aloud me to cum. 

"So needy that it took so little... I feel the contractions... I feel your orgasm coming and - taking her fingers off the moment I was about to cum - going away" 

I scream for lack, for the need.

She lies on top of me, kissing my lips. 

My cheeks are full of tears.

The kiss is slow and my legs are clinging to her body.

Her thighs are in contact with mine as if she is on all fours on top of me.

"You were perfect baby - another kiss - My perfect girl" 

I gasp for pain.  

"So good... the best slut" 

I nod my head, almost choking on my saliva.

She cleans my cheeks of my tears.

"You kept crying because of the denial... you are a desperately needy little slut, nothing else"   

Her voice turns me on too much. 

The sarcasm, the insult, that goes to my head. 

She kisses my lips several times.

"My little girl loves humiliation - I nod against her lips - Isn't it, my little slut?" 

"YES, Y-ES REINA" I shout as if she could quiet the pangs that are killing me.

She smiles sadisticly. 

Her palm ending up against my pubis, the fingers against the clit.

"Then I'd say fuck you, baby" 

I bite my lips while I observe her, looking from her eyes to her red cheeks, to her disheveled hair, to her clenched jaw. 

How can she be so beautiful after all this sex?

I can bet that I'm definitely not so beautiful, so attractive, as her at the moment. 

Moving my gaze to his shoulder, a small smile appears on my face while I feel a certain shyness thinking about the woman I have between my legs. 

The perfect, gorgeous, sensual woman.  

"I... I-" I hesitate.

She raises an eyebrow. 

"The... your p-pleasure" I whisper in a trance, worried about not satisfying her, not letting her cum.  

"So submissive and innocent - she grins - My personal slut who cares..." 

Personal slut.

I nod twitching my thighs. 

Her fingers move against me. 

"How submissive are you baby? Thinking about my pleasure when I denied you all these times... You're the most submissive slut" 

I tilt my head back. 

I nod.

Her lips meeting my neck.

She sucks it.

How many signs will I have tomorrow? 

The fingers move fast until they end up, again, inside me.

The pace is fast.  

"I'm going to-" I moan  

She smiles on my neck, she scratches my neck with her teeth.

"You know what would go to my head? - she asks, her lips in contact with my ear giving me shivers - That you would give up on this orgasm too" 

Her eyes widened.

Is she sincere? 

I bite my lip. 

Her fingers tapping against me. 

The palm rubbing the clit.

The pleasure that spreads around my body.

Can I hold out any longer? 

To other contractions. 

To other pangs.

Will she give me pleasure then? 

Will I have my orgasm? 

I can feel it coming.

I feel it invading me. 

I nod because of my need to please her, to make her happy, to make her proud, to do all the things that she asks me.

"Would you give up that for me?" 

I nod neurotically.

"Say it, slut" 

"I gi-give up... aaaaaaaa - I scream for contractions - orga-orgasm" 

She smiles on my skin.

"The best slut in the world," she tells me.  

Her hand stops.

The fingers in me still. 

"What slut are you? Mh? - the fingers that are surrounded by the violent contractions - To make me proud, you gave up this too... I feel the contractions..." 

She grins, sucking on a portion of the skin of my shoulder. 

She blows on the mark.

"So slutty... my personal marked slut - she takes a break during which she licks my neck - The contractions are so strong... They hurt, don't they?" 

I nod again.

I moan loudly, desperately. 

"You'd do anything for me, wouldn't you? - I nod - How many orgasms would you give up?" 

My mind is a mess.

"My slut ready to do anything for me... to satisfy me"  

I scream begging her.

I beg her.

She stands up and she touches me on my stomach. 

"Turn around and bend over for me slut, you do it so well" 

I do as she asks and when she hits my thighs I open them, spreading my legs wide.

I feel a pressure on my neck and it's her that is pulling the leash of the collar to her.

The same position as before, my back arched against her front, my head lay on her shoulder.

Her fingers find their way back into me, she pushes them all in, until the knuckles.

I move on them disjointedly looking for more pleasure.

The collar is putting pressure on my neck, blocking my breath.

I beg her to come and she grins on my ear before nodding, permitting me. "Come for me, perfect girl... Scream for me" 

#woso x reader #woso #woso fanfics #alexia putellas fanfics #alexia putellas x reader #alexia putellas #alexia putellas smut #alexia putellas imagine

[notroosterbradshaw]

slow dancing in a burning room - six

word count: 5.5k

warnings: nsfw 18+, smut, language, angst.

part of: The Boyfriend Experience universe

a/n: well, they're broken. it's unceremonious and it's real and they're hurting so deeply, coping in ways only they know... the wrong way. You're here to meet Bad Choice Bradley, I presume? I hope you enjoy it. thanks to those who read, reblogged and commented on previous chapters. you’re doing god’s work. I truly appreciate all the effort you make to show your support and if you like it… please comment and reblog it! x

five.two

“Rooster,” Annie smiled before him, Ava strapped to her chest in her baby carrier sleeping peacefully.

Bradley felt his poor, old heart sink because he’d done so well to now avoiding you and your family since everything blew the fuck up in your relationship. It was a small town and the more you tried to avoid someone, the more likely they were to cross your path. “Ann,” he gave a slight smile. “How you doin'?”

“Morning coffee brings me back to life after a rough night,” she reported. “Not on base today? Look at the beard,” you said, fondly as he realised Annie didn't have a clue. 

“No,” he bit back the sour taste in his mouth. Obviously you’d not told your family about his pending trial… and in a way, he guessed he was thankful. It probably brought a certain amount of embarrassment to you, if he thought about it truthfully, given Viper and the respect he still commanded at work and from the locals. You didn’t need his bullshit on your shoulders. "Few more weeks to myself. Just finished my run,” he said even though it appeared the most obvious thing in the world. Shorts, runners, Navy tank glued to him, sweating from top to toe from morning humidity.

He just wanted to get his coffee and head home to shower. He should have just forgone the fucking caffeine. He had a perfectly good coffee machine at home for Christ’s sake. He cursed the fact you introduced him to this coffee shop and he knew, eventually he’d see you here, but he’d been so smart. He knew your work schedule and now, he was always the first in line when he knew your first classes for the day were clocking over. He was no dummy - sure, he had his moments when his head was stuck up his ass, but caffeine was his drug of choice and after you’d secretly revealed to him the best in the town and he was addicted.  “Lucky. You just missed her…” Annie told him softly, nodding off in the direction towards work... his villa was in the opposite direction and taunting him and his poor choices.

He hummed, unreadable. “Did I?”  He was pleased with the relief that washed over him. It was such a non-committal response and he knew he owed Annie so much better. Annie wasn't the cause of his recurring cycle of problems. But shit, he was so good at making his problems... everyone’s.

“Loves her morning coffee,” Annie waved her reusable cup towards him, and gee, it was so awkward. Rooster nodded, pleased that he wasn’t the only uncomfortable one in this conversation. Even Annie, usually outgoing, funny Annie, seemed completely out of character with her current word vomit.

And though he was desperate to, he would not ask after you because he knew there was no way you could feel as awful as he did but he forced it out anyway. “How is she, Annie?” he tried to hide the sadness in his voice, but it was impossible. He was so desperate to catch even the slightest whisper about you - whether it was Annie, Phoenix or any other mutual acquaintances. The radio silence was quietly killing him.

After a beat, Annie replied warily, “A wreck. Not that she’d ever let us know. We’re not seeing hell a lot of her so that kind of speaks for itself, I guess. Or it's exactly what she wants, I don't know," she rambled because Bradley could see Annie didn't know what to do to help you, and that hurt him more. The frustration in the air was paramount. The people you were once closest to now the one furthest at arm's length and he knew that was because of him.

“Right,” he replied, forcing a lack of interest in his voice. He didn’t want to sound emotional that you were upset, but he certainly didn’t want to feel sad for you for the decision that you made. Bradley needed you to know that you were feeling the way you were feeling for what you decided to drag you both through. He wanted to work things out, he didn't want either of you to be hurting like this - “Sorry to hear that.” He shrugged, knowing how cold it sounded and the surprise on Annie's face telling the story. What the fuck else was he supposed to say?

All the texts he'd sent bounced, and he knew you'd blocked him - what was the use of calling? He considered sending flowers, champagne, fucking skywrite if it got your attention, but all his desperate ways for your attention would fall on deaf ears. And as desperate as he was to go to you, knock on your door and hold you until reason came back into that smart brain of yours, he knew for now, you simply needed your time. He just hoped it wasn't forever.

“So... how are you?” Annie asked, welcomingly changing the subject.

He shrugged, sipping his coffee. He didn't feel like admitting he was about to head home, shower and see his JAG. It just didn't feel like it could roll off his tongue properly without the rest of his life crashing around him. He’d been so good to protect his façade and damn, he lied so easily. It was his most hated personality trait and he wished he could stop it, but sometimes it was just easier. “PT,” he lied, but he knew fully well Annie didn’t care for his physical recovery - she had good intentions but he knew she wanted to pry into his convoluted, messed up brain, see if he was as tragically missing her sister, if he was as tormented as you were. 

Dissect and get into the deepest, darkest crevices. 

But Bradley would never tell. There were enough people trying to get in there as it was. And right now he wasn’t going to give anyone the benefit of that bullshit. That hurt stayed with him, no matter the cost. It motivated him, got him through the day to be better, stronger, harder and he wasn't letting his guard down for anyone, not Annie, not Phoenix, not Mav.

Not you. No one.

“That’s fantastic,” she said as Ava wriggled against her, waking. “I’m glad for you, Rooster,” Annie bobbed to settle the little one, whining and probably ready for her morning feed. "You need your head in the clouds."

If that ever happened again.

“She got big,” Rooster said, keenly changing the subject and turning his attention to Ava. He reached for her her little hand and Ava wrapped her chubby little palm against his pointer. Bradley knew even if kids weren't in his future, the future he had quietly hoped to share with you, this was a cute kid and it only reminded him of you when you were playing World’s Greatest Aunty and putting the idea in his head that maybe… yeah, he could get the family he always wanted with you. It was going to take more to desensitise himself, he realised. 

“They do that,” Annie said, with a gentle smile. “Way too quickly. I feel like she's minutes away from rolling, crawling, and then up and walking out to college."

And Rooster laughed, because there was Annie, the Annie he grew up with. They both needed that little break in the terse. "I hope not that fast," he gently pressed a kiss on Ava's knuckles and loosened his finger, free again.

"Well, I’d better get her home for some food and start our day. Good to see you, Rooster,” she gave him a small smile. “If you need anything, call me, okay? Don’t be a stranger.”

Bradley did the cordial thing and nodded. “Will do. See ya around, Annie," he said, not waiting for a dragged out goodbye and heading in the other direction. He had a house to start bringing back to life even if he had fallen apart in every other way.

It had been about month since you and Bradley… yeah. Since then. Things had been fairly busy for you, you’d stayed to yourself, regardless of nagging from your family, some other friends who wanted to claim your time now you were single again and, of course, Natasha. She was shipping out in a few days and wanted to have a drink but the last place you’d be caught dead at was The fucking Hard Deck. Reassuring everyone you were good, or okay, was next to useless. No one believed you anyway.  

You'd kept yourself busy. The apartment needed to be unpacked again, with no time like the present, a perfect time to purge and it felt so much better in your small part of the world that you’d rid yourself of those little things you simply didn’t need anymore. Clothes, kitchenwares, changed up the orientation of the bedroom, indulging and confusing yourself with feng shui and vastu shastra on household karma/good vibes among other things. 

But you really did feel lighter. You built a cute study nook for your business stuff. You and Bradley had planned to use one of the rooms in the Bradshaw place, giving you more time to work from home, instead of staying later after classes to do your never-ending small business accounting.

But that wasn’t the case now and you had all the time in the world.

“Fuck, Nat. Stop,” you muttered to yourself, scarfing down some leftovers for dinner. It was late and frankly, you had little to no interest in heading out, even if it was to a venue of your choice. You had to give Natasha credit: she was trying so hard to release you from your self-imposed imprisonment. You know what you were up for - 20 questions about how you were coping. You'd be lying to say you weren't worried about his impending trial and were curious to reach out. But it probably would just distract him and he didn’t need that. You were sure it was this week or next. 

Maybe you would get Grandpa to contact Bradley? 

But as far as you were concerned, Bradley seemed to be doing just fine. Like you’d agreed, you didn’t need each other anyway. Besides, he hadn't contacted you - and you hadn't let him after yep, taking the high road and blocking him. Maybe he needed this more than you did, you tried to reason with yourself. A guy like him didn't deserve to be tied down with someone who had the baggage you did. He deserved better. 

You tossed your fork on the plate, suddenly not hungry for the stir fry you were desperate for only minutes earlier although the need to get tiddly didn't sound terrible at all.

Enjoying his quiet drink, Rooster knew his time was running out as Phoenix sidled her way to him, a fair smile on her face. Unreadable, and God, he hated that. “Didn’t know you were coming out tonight,” she commented, as she put two beers on Payback’s tab, placing one before Bradley. 

She followed his gaze to the pretty woman across the bar, making pathetic doe eyes and suggestive overtones with her beer bottle and tongue. Natasha would never get used to it. And sadly, Rooster seemed pretty into it, for what she could gather. “Know her?” Phoenix asked as Rooster’s lip quirked and he stumbled to find an undefined answer.

Truth be told, yeah. Rooster did know her. Not super well, but well enough to remember how into him she seemed as she led him back to her place last week, the first person he’d fucked since… and, he supposed, it was fine. It was good, she was eager to please and she had zeroed in on him the minute he walked in last week and again tonight. Rooster didn’t generally put his boots under the same bed twice, but he lately wasn’t feeling particularly fussy. He did ask himself if there was a supposed grieving period for how long he should probably wait before getting into the game again but his brain (and Hangman) told him what he needed to hear.

Fuck her. 

“Oh, Rooster, no. You slept with her?” Natasha asked, the disappointment dripped from her voice and Bradley felt about three feet tall.

“Oh, fuck this,” he bemoaned. “She broke up with me, I have to be celibate too?” he asked. It seemed so rehearsed and he didn't lie but he knew the shit he was going to cop for spending time with any woman that wasn’t you. 

Natasha sighed. “No, I guess not.” 

“Believe it or not, I can fuck who and when I want, Phoenix,” he gruffly reminded her. "You don't get to dictate."

“No, you’re right,” she agreed. Who was she to argue? She was desperate for her friends to get over this little ‘blip’, but seeing you separately and the hurt you’d both caused each other, she began to wonder if this blip as she'd hopefully referred to is as was really the end of what could have been the best thing that happened to both of you. 

You were no longer a couple. Rooster had moved into his parents' old place alone and seemed to be enjoying taking to it with a sledgehammer. You were doing your usual MO when things went sour – you didn’t answer calls, and rarely responded to texts before anyway. You were working and looking at growing the business, so it was the best excuse in the books not to come to the bar, a surefire way of making sure she didn’t pump into Bradley.

“I can’t see him, Nat. He was the love of my life. And not being able to touch him, kiss him, laugh with him? It would just kill me,” you had told her sadly, week’s earlier when Natasha came over unannounced and sporting Thai food and rosé. 

“What is so fucking funny is that I keep hearing how badly she is doing, yet no one gives a flying fuck that maybe, just maybe, I’m going through it too," Bradley muttered, Natasha surprise crossing her face as he continued, "Nat, we were moving in together. But it’s over now,” he poured what was left of his beer down his throat, knowing that coming out tonight was not his wisest idea. Bad Choice Bradley was bubbling in his bloodstream and frankly, he didn't mind if he escaped. He was so sick of doing everything by the rules, but where had that gotten him? Absolutely no-fucking-where. Jobless and Loveless. “And for the record?” he hissed purposefully to Natasha. “I was in that fuckin’ relationship too. I didn't call time.” 

“Okay, okay,” she said softly. “I’m sorry. You’re right. You’re wholeheartedly allowed to feel that way. We just don’t see you… as down about it,” she used her words carefully.

“It was weeks ago,” he sniped.

“It wasn’t that long - ”

“Jesus, Phoenix. She was the fucking love of my life,” he hissed. "I wanted to work this out. She blocked my number, she wants nothing to do with me."

Natasha held her palm towards his chest but didn’t dare touch him, she could feel the heat, the anger reverberating off him. “Okay, I agree. I’m sorry, I know you’re hurting, buddy. And I’ve let you down.”

He frowned and paused. “What are you talking about?” 

“This isn’t just the breakup, Rooster,” Natasha said, adjusting her posture to stand with him and continuing before she could let up. “Everything has been a bit of a shitstorm. Your past is always following you around, you were part of a suicide mission that almost got you killed and now you’re waiting for trial and I should have been doing more to make sure you were okay with that."

And for the moment, Bradley was silenced and frown in reply.

"Are you still seeing the shrink?”

He huffed out a breath, replacing his beer eagerly with the one Natasha had slid towards him. He didn’t need this holier-than-thou bullshit where Natasha got to try and save him to be really honest. He just gazed back at her, now unreadable. 

“Isn’t it mandatory?” she pressed lightly. “You should really be talking to someone – ”

“I’m still going, I’m hating it. If I don’t get clearance from the shrink, I never get in my jet again regardless of how the trial plays itself out. Satisfied?” he rolled his eyes. “See ya later, Phoenix,” he said, leaving his her side and heading over to his new friend, who greeted him with a tender kiss on the side of his mouth, and while he wasn’t repulsed, you used to do that to him, and he didn’t like it half as much as he used to.

“Didn’t think you were going to come over and say hi, Rooster.”

“I’m here with friends,” he admitted, whom he’s just ditched to come over here and line up an easy lay for the night. 

“You wanna dance?”

He nodded, a small grin gracing his features that didn’t quite make it to his eyes. “Yeah, lemme hit the bathroom first really quick, okay?” 

“Sure,” she smiled as he grasped her forearm, gave the easy smoulder and disappeared. And she, with the name he couldn’t recall (but really wanted to), devotedly followed moments later. Messy, unplanned bar head wasn’t on his bingo card for the night, but he’d surely take it. He tried to be surprised when she cornered him into the stall and undid the few top buttons on her shirt, her breasts brushing against his chest as she groped his half-hard cock and played with the zip on his jeans before letting her soft, warm palm slide beneath his boxer briefs. His breathing immediately shallow because her hand was better than his hand and she sank to her knees and licked her lips, she didn't give an ounce of hesitation to take him deep.

He guessed he never really had to work hard to get what he wanted. 

And he couldn’t hate himself more for it, because he compared everything to you. The way your big, beautiful eyes would peer up at him, begging for reassurance you were pleasing him, giving everything he deserved and more, your delicate strands he’d mess his long fingers into… it wasn’t the same but he came deep in the back of her throat that she swallowed and tidied up devoutly and he kind of wanted to be sick. But as she did that thing with her tongue, he wanted to cum so badly, as she gripped his thighs to keep her balance, he regarded her, knowing this wasn’t a woman he could fall in love with. He would only ever love one woman and right now, she wanted nothing to do with him. 

He shook the notion from his head, concentrating on how silky her tongue caressed the head of his cock and remembered this didn’t happen all the time and to enjoy it as he thrust into her face, closing his eyes and imagining you again, getting him over the line as he knotted his fingers in her hair and fucked her face. Seeing you and those pretty sounds you’d make gagging on his cock, deep as you possibly could and what you couldn’t, pumping in your delicate palms. 

He grunted as he came in wild spurts down her throat until he was spent and watched as she tidied him up, sweetly placing his softening dick back in his boxers and pulling his jeans back into place, sweetly caressing his throbbing groin. 

With a quiet laugh, he helped her to her feet, cupping her chin a little rough. "You didn't need to do that, you know?"

"No," she agreed. "But you tasted so good time, I couldn't wait for more."

Bradley blushed, mostly ashamed. He certainly had nothing to be proud about. “I’ll be right out…” he said to her and she nodded and looked at her reflection in the mirror. Her lipstick was improper, her hair was well and truly a mess. Just how he liked it… if it was you. And he knew she would run out to tell her friends exactly what had happened, darting out alone.

Rooster looked at himself in the mirror, taking in his reflection and rubbed his tired face. “Who the fuck are you, Bradshaw?” he accused himself. He took a deep breath, ran his hands under the cool water, washed his palms then splashed some water on his flushed face. “Jesus,” he muttered to himself before inhaling sharply and straightening up. 

“Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck,” Natasha muttered to herself as Bob caught wind of her strife and looked up from his peanuts, concerned for his friend. "Fuckkk."

“What’s up, partner?” he asked, perplexed. She lifted her phone and the text you’d just sent. “Oh,” Bob said, adjusting his glasses, a trait he did constantly as he grew nervous. “That is… that is not good.” 

“No…” Natasha agreed, casting her gaze to find Rooster, but he was nowhere to be found. “Shit.” 

Rooster had spotted his new friend with her group and gave a slight nudge towards the exit when she caught his eye. Excitedly, she gave a wink back as her friends gave her teasing words of encouragement but Rooster didn’t care. He just needed to get out of there. 

The bar was stifling and he didn’t feel like Phoenix’s third degree on his life choices anymore. He wasn’t a dickhead – he was well aware he was making poor decisions. Bad Choice Bradley. But this wasn’t his first one lately, and it certainly wouldn’t be his last.

Darting through the throng of officers and civilians, he made a beeline for the door, thrusting it open, and he’d be lying to say in his frustration, there was some heat and malice behind it.

“Jesus, goddammit,” the voice hissed on the other side, the heavy door hitting a patron on the other side trying to enter. Rooster tried to catch them, almost knocking them to the ground in the process and he couldn't believe his dumb luck that it was you who were on the other side as he tried to phantom his escape. You skipped backwards quickly as Rooster yanked the door back, trying to stop its force. His face paled when he realised just who it was he’d almost knocked off their feet.

He whispered your name, and you’d swear you had seen a ghost. “Shit, I’m so fuckin' sorry," he said, the recognition all over his face as he took you in, scared and studying you.

"Shit," you muttered. Bradley could hear the pain in your voice, whether it was through injury or just disgruntled, he couldn't be sure. “Hey,” you said nervously. This was not how you wanted to see him for the first time since you’d broken up. 

“I was just leaving,” he explained, reminding you the door had walloped you in the elbow and you rubbed it in recollection, a gentle thrum from its impact. He looked back over his shoulder. “Shit, I’m so sorry,” he said again. He so badly wanted to reach out and kiss your injury better. The injury he caused, and he loathed himself for it. “How bad I get you?” he asked softly, taking a step closer. 

Before he got closer, you closed in on yourself and covered the sting in your elbow with a step or two. “It’s fine, Brad – Rooster. It’s no worries,” you reassured him, flippantly. Your body language told him everything he needed to know. He was flatlining. 

He nodded slowly, saddened at how you recoiled from him. "You sure?"

"Yeah. I'm sure."

“Okay. Sorry, huh?” 

“It’s fine really,” you said as a pretty young thing wandered out. She joined Bradley on his hip and you didn’t miss how her hand curved into his elbow and how his face changed, the guilt masking his handsome features. She looked back at you both expectedly. 

“Ready to go, Rooster?” she asked as he paused, gauging your response. He knew his timing was about as bad as it could be. 

And yep, it looked exactly as it looked. 

“Yeah. I’ll be just a minute,” he said, the embarrassment etched all over his skin as he ripped out your heart and toyed with it in his beautiful hands before you. His ears reddened and he licked his lips as she wandered away, calling back over her shoulder when she’d reached his Bronco. Well, she knew his car, maybe this wasn’t as new as it looked. 

Yep, it looked exactly as it looked. 

You’d thank Natasha personally for the warning in a moment - she probably wouldn't like it though. “Friend of yours?” you figured trying to balance your tone. Who were you to get upset at him? To Bradley Bradshaw, you were no one and that was what hurt the most.

“Something like that,” he admitted quietly. 

Maybe you didn’t need that drink Nat promised. You needed Penny to drown you in the top shelf. “Nat’s waiting for me,” you explained to him. “Have a good night, Rooster,” you told him as he reluctantly pulled the door open for you to scurry under his strong, golden arm and get lost in the Friday night throng. He watched after you until he lost you.

Rooster ran his clammy palm over his face, he felt ill as he stepped away from the door. He wanted to be sick, he knew exactly how pathetic he looked. Why the fuck didn’t Natasha tell him you were coming? He would have hauled ass ages ago and without incident. He pulled his phone out and threw a brutal one-liner at her about giving him a head’s up next time and made his way to his car, where his friend/date/hook up/whoever was waiting with a bright grin. 

“Thought you were gonna ditch me,” she laughed lightly, he could hear the uncertainty in her voice. 

“Look, I’m really sorry, but I’m not feeling too well right now, and I have a real early start tomorrow morning. Think we could take a rain check?” he asked, keeping a safe distance from her. She raised an eyebrow.

“You sure? Five minutes ago, you seemed really fucking into that blowjob in the bathroom,” she hissed at hime. And it was fine head, her lipstick was still smudged on his cock, he would always be appreciative of anyone giving him their best. But again, it wasn’t your pretty lips, nose desperately trying to nuzzle the soft hair at his happy trail, staring up at him like he possessed all the stars in the sky. God, he was truly beginning to hate himself and he missed your mouth, however smart it was, wrapped around his cock, giving him an earful... kissing him.

He shook his head dismally. “Look, I can’t do this, okay? M’sorry,” he unlocked the car, hopped into the driver’s seat and keyed the ignition, peeling out of the carpark to the allotment of insults and birds being hurled his way. It would be some time before he decided to venture back to The Hard Deck, which was probably best.

And deservingly so, he reminded himself. He'd take a few weeks off from the bar, he’d been through this before. Never go back to the scene of the crime, especially after one-night stands. He knew better, but it all seemed so easy tonight until you were before him and ruined everything. 

He pulled into a car park, the ocean bustling before him and he sat for a moment, his palms latched onto the steering wheel, his knuckles white as the adrenaline of the night coursed through his veins. Taught and teetering, he stared out to the ocean, needing answers to all the questions in his messed up brain.

God, you looked so beautiful. You had done something different to your hair, not a lot, just subtle, but he noticed it, the scent of his favourite perfume, it was so ridiculously expensive but it was the only real fancy thing you afforded yourself even if you used it sparingly, that drifted off you and enveloped him. He remembered it on his pillows, it lasted for the week until the sheets were changed. 

But your eyes… They told the story. Seeing each other was a shock to the system, but you just looked so upset when… fuck, whatever her name was made her presence known. Getting his phone from his pocket, he sighed and found your last texts to each other. 

It was all so sweet. 

You: I love you, big boy. Hurry home to me xxx

Bradley: Love you too. Lemme finish up and I’ll be right there x 

He ignored the subsequent texts he tried to send that all bounced back. Now it all seemed like another world and another time.

“So, yeah, that was fun,” you told Natasha as she gave Penny the signal to keep lining the shots up. 

“You okay, darlin’ heart?” Penny asked sadly. Not that she wanted to pry, but Live had asked her to keep an eye on you if and when she could and she didn’t know if your mother was really wanting to see how brokenhearted you were.

“I’m awful,” you confided, voice strong but powerful because if you didn’t talk about this, you’d sink into another one of those solitary states where you wallowed in the misery of your broken heart, you were going to explode. “I have ruined the best thing that has happened to me then I get to see him take a one-night stand home.”

In no world would Natasha tell you this wasn’t their first hook-up and tossed back one of the lined up shots to avoid putting her foot in her mouth. “He’s slipped back into old habits,” Natasha shuddered as the tequila burned. She wasn’t defending him, but it was what it was as Penny made some polite excuses to continue working. “He a fucking moron, all dudes are the same. Easy pussy, get their dicks wet. They should all be lobotomised," she raised her shot and you, Natasha and Penny whipped the shots back.

But Rooster Bradshaw owed you absolutely nothing. And he proved he knew it too.

“He talked to me like a stranger. He’s never spoken to me like that in thirty years.”

“What do you mean?”

“Has he said he’s missed me or anything?” you asked, sadly and as Natasha prepared to answer, you dismally added, “I’ve ruined everything because I was scared about all the wrong things. Nat, I’ve messed this up and I don’t know what to do to fix it.”

She nodded but she heard what she heard. “…do you want to fix it?”

“I can’t function without him. I am just bumbling along, missing him while he is recovering alone. He's about to stand trial... he needs support,” and you know fully well that Natasha, Penny, Mav and others had Bradley's back but you also knew there were only a few people he'd truly let help him. “Will you still be here for the trial?”

She nodded. “Yeah, I’ll be here… I’m a witness. It’s the day after tomorrow.”

“Can you tell me how it goes?”

She nodded. “Of course.” 

“I can’t believe I gave all this up.”

She nodded. “I hate seeing you hurting like this.” Both of you, she wanted to add.

“Does he talk about me?” you asked quietly.

Phoenix sighed, she didn’t want to get into this. Anything he’d ever told her was done so in confidentiality. And while you were her great friend, he was too. Rooster didn't have many confidants. "I - "

“Natasha. Does Bradley want to fix us?” you raised your eyes, and Natasha saw the tears that threatened to spill. 

“I don’t know,” she admitted. Only hours before he was talking about his latest conquest. She saw that woman follow him into the bathrooms but she had no idea where her friend stood, even if she knew you two were so much better together. She could tell you how angry about it he was. But there was no way that was going to help the situation even if she was desperate to say or do anything that could possibly help.

You shrugged and took another shot. “Whatever, he’s clearly moved on and I will just have to accept that. Another round?" you asked, a casual frown gracing your features and Natasha nodded.

"One more," she loaded the bar up and couldn’t imagine being in her plane tomorrow if this was how the night was going to go. 

masterlist.

Big thanks as always to @gretagerwigsmuse for helping me get this fic over this line x

A/N: the tag list no longer exists. To keep up to date, give @notroosterbradshaw-library a follow x

#notroosterbradshaw #bad choice bradley #rooster #rooster x reader #bradley bradshaw #bradley rooster bradshaw #rooster bradshaw #rooster fanfic #rooster imagine #top gun rooster #rooster bradshaw fic #rooster fluff #rooster smut #rooster top gun #rooster x you #tgm #bradley bradshaw x reader #bradley bradshaw imagine #rooster bradshaw x reader #rooster angst #bradley bradshaw fic #bradley bradshaw fanfiction #bradley bradshaw x female reader #rooster x female reader

[skz317cb97]

The Haze

Jisung x Thick female reader

Word count: 4.6K

Synopsis: You call your friend Jisung and ask him to smoke with you after having a terrible week.

A/N: 18+ ONLY! A little idiots to lovers for you all! We're already half way through another thick reader series! How? Thank you all for always being so supportive of this series and my writing in general. If you enjoy this one please reblog, like, comment, jump in my asks, your feedback fuels me! As always warnings and smut below the cut!

Warnings: 18+ ONLY MDNI! Casual drug use/pot smoking (it centers around it quite a bit), cursing/strong language, pet names (gorgeous, pretty etc), dry humping, protected piv sex, choking/breath play, oral (m receiving), cum eating/cum shot, masterbation/guided masturbation (m&f), slight Jisung dom/MC sub dynamic. I think that's all but if I ever miss anything please let me know and I'll add it asap!

You were not a stoner. You weren’t even a social pot smoker but every now and then, after a particularly bad week, you would call your friend Jisung and ask him to get you stoned. Not that he was a pothead either but he always had something set back in case of a party or, like today, you needing to unwind. This week your boyfriend broke up with you in the most heinous way and you cried in the bathroom at work at least once a day. You needed to turn your brain off for a minute, you needed to get high, you called Jisung.  

“Heyyy!! What’s up gorgeous!” Was what you heard when he answered. Jisung was sweet, he always called you little nick names like that and it made you smile. You were bigger and a little self-conscious about it and Jisung always seemed to know when you needed a compliment. It made you smile this time too but only momentarily and then you sighed. 

“Hey Ji...” He could hear how down you sounded. 

“What’s wrong?” He was concerned immediately. You sighed again trying to fight off tears while also trying not to think about every horrible thing your ex had said to you. 

“Can I come over and smoke with you?” His heart broke a little. You sounded really upset and he knew you only smoked when life had been too rough to handle. 

“That bad?”  

“I... I can explain everything when I get there.” You sighed again.  

“No no you don’t have to explain anything to me beautiful. Of course you can come over and smoke, I’ll unlock the front door and just walk in when you get here okay?” 

“Okay Ji, thanks.” You could hear his smile in his voice. 

“Really it’s nothing. I’ll see you soon, bye!” You hung up with Jisung and tossed on some comfy clothes, a pair of sweats, a cropped band t shirt, zip up hoodie and slides then you hopped in your car and drove to Jisung’s place. When you got there you let yourself in and Jisung was sitting on the couch in his living room watching anime. When he saw that you had walked in he paused it. 

“Hey you made it!” He got up and gave you a hug squeezing your soft body with his strong arms. Jisung was always warm, you wrapped your arms around his broad shoulders and when you rested your head on one, he held on to you understanding that you needed a little skinship. Jisung was one of your best friends and he was affectionate and sweet, he rubbed your back up and down, holding you for a moment. 

“You wanna talk about it.” You shook your head and nuzzled into his warmth a little more. 

“Not really...but... TLDR Chase broke up with me. He said he felt that I was ‘letting myself go already’ and that ‘we should see other people’, which I assume means he already has been. He said other things but that was the gist of it.” You got a little choked up at the end and Jisung squeezed you tighter. 

“I haven’t even gained any weight...” You said softly fighting tears, embarrassed and upset that the body you already weren’t confident in was the reason your ex gave you for leaving. 

“Fuck that guy, you look great, and so what if you had gained weight. Shit like that doesn’t matter if you love someone.” You nodded quietly against Jisung’s shoulder 

“He’s fucking idiot...and... and a verb!” You giggled a little. 

“A verb? Sungie what are you talking about?” 

“Chase, it’s a verb. Who wants to date a verb and not even a very good one. I can think of a hundred other verbs that are so much better than Chase.” Jisung finally managed to get a genuine laugh out of you. 

“We should smoke and forget about that dick head. What do you say?” You nodded as your laughter died down to a chuckle and Jisung could feel you smiling against his shoulder. Good, he thought. He loved your smile. He let go and offered you a seat. 

“Here sit there, it’s warm I was just sitting there.” You giggled and sat down in his spot. Jisung sat next to you and pulled out a joint. 

“I took the liberty and prepared this on your way over.” You didn’t think you’d ever been so ready to smoke and just relax, slow down. 

“I could kiss you! I’m so glad you have that ready.” Jisung puckered up and made a cute kissy face at you, leaning in pointing at them. 

“Well come on then ppoppo!” You laughed pushing at his firm pecks to stop him. 

“Light that you goofball.” He gave you his big toothy smile and pulled out his lighter, flicking it and lighting the joint. He inhaled then passed it to you and you took a drag. You unzipped your hoodie and sat back. Jisung couldn’t help but notice how good you looked, that crop top showing a flash of your bra underneath. What was that Chase guy even thinking? Jisung thought your body was perfect, ideal even. He’d flirted with you for years but you always shot him down so he assumed you only wanted to be friends.  

In your defense it wasn’t like you were trying to shoot him down, you just thought he was being nice when he said the things he said. You didn’t think someone like Jisung would go for.... well a big girl like you but when Jisung called you gorgeous it’s because he thought you were gorgeous. Even sitting there now on his sofa, wearing sweats and a t-shirt, just regular lounge wear but you were beautiful. You sat up and passed the joint back to Jisung. 

“Got any new playlists?” Jisung inhaled again and held it, nodding his head then blowing out the smoke. 

“Yea actually, here take this...” He passed the joint back to you and ran to get his laptop. Jisung’s job was in the music industry, so he always had the inside scoop on the new stuff coming out. You and Jisung finished smoking the joint while you listened to the first few songs of his new playlist. You were starting to feel better, calmer. Your head was the fun kind of fuzzy and the muscles of your body felt so relaxed. Then you heard the beginning of a song that you actually knew. 

“Oh my god I love this song.” Jisung was more than a little surprised. It was pretty new and not the type of music he thought you listened to. He’d forgotten it was even on the playlist. 

“Really?! You know this song?! Are you sure?” You were feeling good now. You jumped up took off your hoodie and threw it on the couch. 

“YES!” You started to dance and sing along as the lyrics began. 

“Don’t look at me like that, ohh unless you really like that, you know my body I don’t have time to waste oh no...” To say that Jisung was utterly shocked would still be an understatement. One. You could actually flow. Two, he’d never pegged you for a raunchy bump and grind r&b type and three, you had started to move your full body to the beat as you went on reciting the lyrics perfectly while he struggled to breathe. 

“If I seduce you bae, will you come take the bait? Is you gon’ do that thing, that makes me wanna say, got me like ooh...” You rolled your soft body along and Jisung’s mouth was dry, he wasn’t sure if it was from the weed or you. 

“She wanna ride me while she smoke weed, she said keep your chains on while you choke me...” Jisung was trying to be a good friend and not get a boner at the sight of you moving your curvy body and singing such provocative things, that line about choking definitely not helping, he was only a man, flesh and blood and your ass was swaying eye level. He watched hypnotized until the song ended and he snapped out of it as you slunk back down on the couch with a smile. 

“I think that would be so much fun to try...” You said not really thinking. Your filter had kind of gone out the window as soon as you jumped up and started dancing. Jisung’s eyes shot over to you laying back on the couch. 

“What? What would?” You looked over at him and saw the way he was looking at you wide eyed. You sat up straighter realizing what you’d just admitted out loud and you started to feel a little self-conscious. You pulled your zip up hoodie back on covering yourself. 

“Nothing never mind forg-” You just wanted to drop it before you made a complete ass of yourself. 

“What would y/n?” Jisung wasn’t dropping it. Not if you were saying what he thought you were saying. 

“I... well... you know have sex and smoke weed at the same time. My body is always buzzing after I smoke so I can only imagine it would heighten the experience.” Jisung’s dick was definitely hard now. He fidgeted in his seat trying to make sure it wasn’t obvious. 

“And... you’d like to try that some time, with... uh someone?” Jisung swallowed hard, his Adams apple bobbing and you nodded shyly. You couldn’t believe you were telling Jisung this. The two of you never talked about sex or preferences or anything like that before, so this was all new territory and you were a little embarrassed. You weren’t sure exactly why he even was asking you this. When you looked at him again, Jisung looked as nervous as you and then cleared his throat. 

“Uh.... would you... I mean... would you... want... to... do that with me?” Your jaw dropped. Was he... did he... hold on. 

“Jisung... I’m sure it would be a lot of fun...” He was already feeling the sting of rejection and like an absolute ass for suggesting it. You’d always ignored his other advances, why would you suddenly want to fuck him just because of some lyrics? 

“I really like you Ji... a lot... more than I probably should... more than a friend. I just don’t think I’m in the right head space to handle casual sex right now, not after the things Chase said and especially not... well not with a guy I have deeper feelings for.” Wait a minute, feelings? Deeper? 

“You have feelings for me?!” You hesitated. Your mouth was betraying you left and right. You started biting your lip but you had already admitted it so you nodded. Jisung couldn’t believe what he was hearing. 

“y/n I flirt with you all the time! You always shy away. I thought you didn’t like me!” Now you couldn’t believe your ears. 

“I thought you were just being sweet!” Jisung shook his head trying to get it on straight. 

“y/n I’m crazy about you and if we ever did anything it would be anything but casual for me.” Your brain was lagging from the weed and you were struggling to keep up with what Jisung was saying. Your filter was still not working also. 

“Why would someone as beautiful as you want to be with someone that looks like me?!” Your ex’s words still echoed in your head and came flying out of your mouth. Jisung’s face scrunched up and he turned his whole body towards you, sitting on one of his legs, letting the other dangle off the couch. 

“First off don’t say things like that. y/n not that it really matters, because you are kind, funny, and smart as fuck, and that’s enough but you’re also the most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid eyes on.” You shook your head and looked down at your hands in your lap feeling underserving of such feelings from such a beautiful man inside and out. 

“Jisun-” You stopped talking when he tilted your chin to look at him in the eyes. His big sparkling brown eyes. 

“Can I kiss you?” He asked as his eyes flicked down looking at your lips, his hands sliding your zip up hoodie off again. 

“Y-yes...” He pressed his lips against yours, then pulled away and looked at you. You were flushed, hot, he pressed his lips to yours again more forcefully and this time your hands rested against his jaw and neck and his cupped your face. He pecked your lips over and over again then his lips parted and his teeth nibbled and his tongue invaded your mouth, forcing a breathy moan from you. Jisung’s arms wrapped around your squishy midsection and pulled you over onto his lap as he sat with his back against the couch again, one juicy thick thigh on each side of him. You pulled away from the kiss to protest. 

“No no Ji I’m too heavy...” He grabbed hand fulls of your big ass and made you sit down on his lap completely. 

“There’s no weight limit on this ride beautiful so sit down.” You’d never heard him say anything like that before, it made you flush with arousal.  

“Ji!” He smirked and you did what he said. The moment you sat down you could feel Jisung’s hard on pushing against your clothed core. He pulled you down into another make out session as you gently moved across his lap. Both of you were still buzzing from the joint you’d smoked so you were enjoying kissing, groping, grinding. Jisung started to drag his lips down your neck, nipping and licking. 

“You’re so cute in this little crop top...” His hands traveled up it and squeezed your full breasts over your sports bra, then pulled it down freeing them. Your nipples were already hard from how worked up you were getting dry humping Jisung. He started sucking on your nipples, gently biting every now and then as you rode his clothed erection. You were a little breathless and Jisung loved the soft pants coming from you while you tugged on his hair with both hands. 

“J-Ji I’m g-gonna...” He hummed sweetly at you then let go of the nipple he was sucking on. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay, cum, I want you to cum.” You held on to Jisung’s strong broad shoulders and rode him faster until you reached your peak. Jisung pulled you down into another kiss swallowing any moans coming from you as you wrapped your arms around him tightly and rode out your orgasm against his cock. You sat there for a moment to collect yourself and Jisung waited, giving you a minute, his hands gently holding your wide hips. Once you had firmly landed back on earth Jisung nuzzled his nose against yours. 

“You know you make the prettiest little faces, it's so cute when you scrunch up your nose and cum on top of me like that.” You were blushing and out of breath, you buried your face in his neck, hiding. 

“Jiiiiii...” He giggled. 

“So shy, cute. I saw how your body moved to that song, how those words affected you.”Jisung lifted your crop top off and then removed your sports bra. You sat on top of him naked from the waist up, every curve of your body intoxicating to him, your big soft tits right in his face, begging to be sucked on again but he controlled himself... for now. Jisung took his own shirt off and your mouth watered. His muscular broad shoulders, his pumped-up pecs and toned biceps. He was firm but still soft somehow, his skin smooth and warm. 

“Can I take your pants off?” Jisung asked toying with the waist band of your sweatpants. You nodded. 

“Stand up for me gorgeous.” You got up off Jisung’s lap and he drug your pants down to your ankles. You stepped out of them and he tossed them aside. You stood there and the only thing stopping Jisung from burying his face in your pussy was little cotton boy shorts with pink hearts. He stood up in front of you making you take a step back. 

“How are you so damn cute!?” One of his hands gently wrapped around your neck, his thumb softy caressing the side. 

“Do you have any idea what that does to me?” He leaned in closer and you shook your head no. 

“Makes me want to teach you how to do the dirtiest things to me, teach my sweet girl how to be bad for me. Would you like that pretty?” His hand let up off your neck and you ran your hands across Jisung’s chest and shoulders, feeling his soft skin under your fingertips. 

“Y-yes Sungie.” He cooed at you. 

“There’s my good girl.” Jisung dropped his own pants and underwear and stood in front of you, his cock firm and long. You bit your lips, it looked delicious. He cupped your face and softly pressed his lips against yours. 

“You wait right here okay? I’ll be right back! Lose the undies!” Jisung winked at you and dashed off, his cute bare ass disappearing down the hall and you giggled, taking off your panties as told. When he came back he had a condom and sat down on the couch like he had been only a few moments before only now completely naked. He patted his lap. 

“Come on now princess, sit on your throne.” You laughed shaking your head at him but climbed onto his lap again. Jisung ripped open the condom and rolled it down his cock, then held it up for you to sit on. 

“Go on jagiya show me how you take my dick.” The tip slipped into your wet hole and squeezed Jisung making him moan. 

“Ooh fuck so tight...” You slowly slid down his shaft taking more and more of him until your juicy cunt was resting on Jisung’s lap. You both sat there for a moment enjoying the feeling of Jisung, hard and full inside you. Jisung’s hands were on your hips, steadying you. He went to grab something from behind his ear and that’s when you realized he’d grabbed another joint when he’d gotten the condom. He smirked at you as he lit it. 

“Do you wanna ride me while you smoke weed?” You pushed him and giggled at his use of the lyrics but Jisung felt you clench too. He turned the joint around getting ready to put the end burning in his mouth. 

“Come on then, lean down here gorgeous...” He put the joint in his mouth backwards and you leaned down, his cock sliding inside you, your lips almost touching as you puckered yours around the other end of the joint, allowing Jisung to blow you a big shotgun. You braced yourself against Jisung’s shoulders and held it in before breathing out, your head getting that immediate hazy feeling, your body already buzzing. Jisung took the joint out of his mouth, flipped it and hit it before setting it aside. Then both of his hands were holding onto your thick hips again as he looked into your glassy eyes and smiled that big cheesy grin of his. 

“How you feeling pretty?” You held onto his shoulders, rolled your hips a little and let out a soft moan. 

“Sooo good Jisungie.” Jisung had to choke back a moan himself feeling you grind your hips against him with his cock deep inside you. 

 “Fuck, you feel good wrapped around me too. Go on ride me jagi.” You started riding Jisung as he set the pace with his hands on your hips. 

“Oh my god! Ji!” It felt so intense. Like someone took the dial on pleasure and turned it way up. One of his hands came up and his fingers wrapped around your throat gently as you continued bouncing on his cock, your big ass jiggling each time you sat on him. He gave your neck a gentle squeeze and you let out another little moan. 

“Does this make you uncomfortable?” You shook your head, the feeling of his hand around your throat was sending electricity throughout your body as you anticipated what was next. 

“N-no Jisung, it’s okay.” He nodded and added just a little pressure. 

“What if I wanted to squeeze harder?” Jisung could feel your arousal coating him. 

“You like that huh? God you’re so wet.” You nodded biting your lip. 

“Y-yes Sungie.” He squeezed just enough, not enough to restrict air but enough to add to the buzz in your head the weed had provided. 

“Good girl, keep riding me now, don’t slow down.” His other hand let go of your hip and then both of his hands were around your neck, again, not enough to prevent you breathing just enough to make your cunt throb around Jisung’s cock as you continued bouncing on it. He pulled you down by your neck face to face with him and kissed you. It was insane how tender it was in comparison. There you were riding Jisung’s dick like you were president of the porn star’s union, both his hands wrapped around your throat and he kissed you like he might break you. Jisung let go of your neck and wrapped his arms around your full body then flipped you so your back was on the couch and he was hovering over you. He lined up with your gushing plump pussy and pushed into you again. He rolled his hips and his cock hit every mind numbing spot inside you. 

“Yes! Oh fuck! Ji right there!” He rolled his hips again, harder, faster. It was like every few minutes that pleasure dial was getting turned up higher and higher. You were about to scream Jisung’s name as he hit your g spot again. 

“Ji-” His hand clamped down over your mouth as he kept fucking you, his hips thrusting into you. Your breasts jiggled when he started fucking you harder and you moaned into the hand over your mouth muffling your screams. 

“Shhhshhhshh, keep it down now jagi I’m not even fucking you hard yet.” Jisung whispered as if someone would hear him, he kissed the back his hand that was planted over your mouth firmly and gave you the most mischievous look before he started absolutely railing you. He slammed into you, rolling his hips, knowing exactly what he was doing to you because his hand clamped harder down on your mouth as you screamed for Jisung, your eyes rolling back as you came so hard the stars you saw were full on constellations.  

Jisung’s hand came up off your mouth so you could get a full breath of air as you rode the wave of ecstasy he set you on. The wave he prolonged as he continued thrusting into you slower but deep. Jisung pinched your chin between two fingers and made you look at him. He was starting to sweat, the veins on his neck becoming more prominent. He leaned forward caging you between his muscular arms and continued slowly rolling his hips as you held on to his shoulders. He kissed down your jaw and neck then hovered by your ear. 

“Pretty?” You hummed your eyes closed, your whole body felt like it was filled with bumble bees between the weed and the orgasm. 

“Can I cum in your mouth?” You nodded and Jisung looked at you to confirm. 

“Yea?” You opened your eyes, kind of, and smiled at him nodding again. 

“Yea Sungie. You can.” He was having a hard time figuring out just how you managed to look so cute all stoned and fucked out on his couch. He gave up trying and took off the condom then helped you sit up. 

“Here jagiya, use this pillow and get on your knees.” You put the pillow down then knelt on it. Leave it to Jisung, sweet even when he asks you to get on your knees for him. Jisung’s dick was in his hand, holding it out for you to wrap your lips around. You started gently sucking on the head of his cock and Jisung let out a soft moan. It sounded so sweet you wanted to hear more so you took more of his cock into your mouth. 

“F-fuck gorgeous, feels so good. Can you take a little more?” You looked up at him with his cock in your mouth, you hummed and nodded. Jisung had died and gone to heaven it’s the only way that cute face was stuffed with his cock and looking up at him. You let his tip hit the back of your throat and it gagged you. You pulled off and spit trailed from your lips to Jisung’s dick that he still held steady for you. You took him into your mouth again until he bottomed out in the back of your throat gagging you again. Jisung moaning louder as you deep throated his cock a wet squelch coming from your throat every time his tip hit the back. 

“Oh... oh fuck I’m gonna cum jagiya... I’m gon-” Jisung’s warm seed started filling your mouth, you tried to swallow fast enough but there was so much it dribbled down your chin a little. Jisung pulled out and you wiped your mouth. He made you stand and he kissed you his tongue sliding into your mouth quickly. He was worked up still, hot, already half hard again and he’d just blew a big load of cum into your mouth. 

“Bet that cunt is so wet from sucking my cock. Is it beautiful? Are you dripping?” He wasn’t wrong you were wet from blowing him mainly those moans and the soft panting.  

“Get up on the couch there, spread those thick thighs and show me that juicy pussy.” You did as you were told, your legs spread wide. 

“Spread those pussy lips too gorgeous... wanna see you tease your clit.” You started rubbing your clit softly and Jisung sat across the couch from you watching, stroking his cock. 

“That’s it two fingers... real slow, circle it.” You did as directed and Jisung kept tugging on his dick. 

“You want to watch me cum on myself while you play with your pussy?” You nodded. 

“Y-yes Ji wanna see you cum.” He hummed and focused stroking the head and twisting his wrist. 

“Spit on your fingers rub it around... fuck yes like that... now stick them inside your hole... fffffuck yes...” Jisung was jacking off fast and started tugging on his balls gently. 

“There you go jagi fuck yourself with your finger, don’t forget your clit gorgeous, use that other hand and play with it.” You started rubbing your clit with one hand as you pumped your fingers inside you with the other. Jisung was sweating, panting, blushing, he looked like he was ready to blow any time. 

“FFFFUcck! Cum for me pretty want to see you cum on your fingers, wanna see that cute scrunched up face you make when you cream for me.” You focused on rubbing your clit until you were coming and clenching around your fingers. 

“Ji Ji Ji Ji Ji...” Was all you chanted as he watched your hole contract around your fingers, your juices dripping from you. Jisung let out a strangled moan as he jerked his cock and came on himself the sight of it almost enough to make you cum again. You crawled across the couch between Jisung’s legs as he stroked his dick slowly. You leaned over and started licking his abs, slurping and savoring the cum from his perfect body until he was clean again. Jisung pulled you on top of him and you both laid there basking in your high from the sex and the weed. He huffed out a big breath wiping sweat off his forehead and looking down at you. 

“Feel better?” You giggled and nodded against his chest nuzzling in closer. 

“Yea Sungie, I’m better now.” He smiled and rested his head back on the arm of the couch, squeezing you and letting out another heavy breath. 

“Fucking... now THAT’S a verb!”  

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[nexusnyx]

to my sweetheart

40s!bucky barnes x f!reader [8.2k] summary: The promise of a weekend home hangs over Bucky's head like the sun used to shine on sweet summer days, illuminating everything in life. It's all planned out in his head: the place he'll take you to, the things he wants to talk about, the hundreds of ways he needs to touch you. It's all planned. A taste of how it'll be when the storm passes—he's ready for it. 📝 this was based on this post. if you like it, reblogs and comments make all the difference. i hope you enjoy this sweetheart saturday, 'cause this will be the sweetest one. 🏷️ established relationship, letters, angst, longing, love delcarations, Steve x Reader (platonic) ⚠️Smut. Minors, DNI. Unprotected sex, body worship, slow fuck.

masterlist | series masterlist

ㅤㅤㅤJuly, 1943.

My sweetheart,

You're a menace even from far away. How can that be? If I hadn't met you exactly like this, I'd dare say I'm surprised. But I'm not. Little minx. Do you know the lengths of what I had to do to finish your last letter? The effects you have on me, even from far away?

I bet you do. Good god, I can bet you're fuckin' smiling, right now. Sittin' there all pretty with your knees pulled high, so giddy and proud of yourself for what you've done to me. Well—let it be known that this here... this is payback.

First things first, thank you for the pictures.

You're more than I could ever ask for, every single time. One of them is safely tucked inside my uniform. I placed the other one inside my pocket watch. Morita's already laughed under his breath as if I can't fuckin' hear him sayin "you don't let a single hour pass by, huh, Sarge?", so you should be happy to know that, as well. My guys are giggling because of me. Because I'm whipped for you.

Second of all... thank you.

From the bottom of my heart which belongs to you entirely, I'm thankful for you. Knowing Ma has a friend in someone soothes my soul. I got a letter from her a few days ago—she's mad at me for dating you "for almost half of an entire year, James Buchanan. almost half a year and you didn't think to bring her here yourself! You'll count yourself lucky if you go back to the base camp with your ears still intact because when I see you..." and this is a direct quote, by the way. I have her letter right next to me—Ma's mad, and I'm glad that she is. It means she loved ya. As I knew she would.

What did you two talk about? Ma said you played with the girls, too. I think I dreamt of that scene. Did she show you my embarrassing baby pictures? I bet she did. My favorite one is the one that Stevie's got paint all over him; I love that one.

Now... as for the rest of your letter.

What should I do to you, hm?

You can't just tell me these things, you lil' witch. Can't just talk about the things you wished I was doing to you, 'cause I'm not there to do them, and it makes my chest tight, my heart beating faster.

I went to the showers at 2 something a.m. to finish that letter, 'cause I felt your words like caresses all over my skin. Here's a new acronym I learned from Gabe: V E N I C E. Wanna know what it means? I'll tell ya.

It means I think about it, too. Not often, unfortunately, not because I don't want to, but because in here I have very few moments to think about good things, but when I do, that's where my mind goes to—in the sweet minutes I have all to myself, my mind runs back to your presence like a puppy, wiggling its tail with its tongue out, so happy and so excited beyond words because of one single person.

My mind rushes to you, to memories of us, to moments we shared. Most of all, it seems to zoom in on the seconds where we were the closest. I save those memories for the stars, for when no one else's around, for when I can let my brain dive and swim in them.

You said that for you, what comes back when you're alone in the dark is the ghost of my hands.

For me, it's the fathom of your lips.

The way you kissed put a spell on me. Right now, as I write this, I'm sitting alone in a corner of the common showers with my neck sweating just a little bit and my heart beating in my throat, all because of that: the thought of your lips, so present and so sweet, making me ache all over. Should I be concerned, lil' witch? With the way you have control over my body even from far away? As if I were a puppet with strings only you can see, I'm aching for you and you're not even here. I'm hard, painfully so, because your picture and the distant echo of your giggles in my ear are enough to put me in a trance... the way you whisper my name when my hands are searching in menace ways the best path to get under your clothes and imprinted all over your skin... It's so difficult to write like this, sweetheart. Very Excited, Now I Caress Everywhere... d'you get it now? D'you see it?

I'm not there, but I can see you reading this. I can see your thighs clamping together in a pitiful attempt to not think about how I loved to tease the path to my favorite place, with my hands, my lips, my tongue. I'm gonna dream about it tonight, I can already see it. Gonna dream about your little whines, and how excited you got, while always being so good. Never asked for more. Never pushed for faster. Just took whatever I had to offer you, and asked in the sweetest way possible for what you wanted. "Jay." I miss that. The way you call me Jay when it's just us. No one's ever called me that before, and no one ever will again.

So do it, lil' witch. Touch yourself all you want when thinking about me. You had to ask for permission, didn't ya? (It's a rhetorical question. You never have to ask. I told ya long ago that from me, you can take and take without ever asking first, and yet you did, anyway.) I'm the luckiest bastard in this godforsaken and twisted world, all because of you.

I'll be there on the last weekend of this month, only for two days, but it'll be enough.

Just a taste of what'll come for us when all of this is over. A taste of you — that I miss so goddamn fuckin' much, Jesus Christ, sweetheart — and hours and hours of making you smile until it's imprinted in the walls of my brain, secured safe and sound in the labyrinth of my mind.

Wait for me, but never sadly. Keep up your studies, and focus on them just as I focus on work here whenever I have to. Talk to your friends, stay clear of those damn radios that only make you anxious and get you to bite your pretty nails, take Steve out for walks and keep that neighborhood in check, the two of you. I'll be back. I'll always come back to you.

With love in my heart (and because of your menace ways, my hand in my pants), I say goodbye for now,

V.E.N.I.C.E;

always yours, J.B.B.

In a month and a half, Bucky has written and read more than in the past decade, at least.

You'd scold him for admitting such a thing so easily, but it was true.

There are a few letters exchanged by now—the U.S. Postal is doing their best, but can only do so much—but they're enough on their own. More than two, sometimes 3 pages long, filled with more post scrimptums than anyone else rather than you two would care to read and it's probably acceptable, and always signed with a lot of love.

It's a whole new world created between the two of you where childhood memories are shared, secret fears that neither Bucky nor you ever imagined talking about are laid on the table, and all of that written between paragraphs of gossip stories from home or the military base, and dirty dreams and wishes.

A mess. An entire conversation—one with topics that go back and forth since the first letter and short pieces of dialogue you two shared with important people; it's the best conversation he's ever had.

The longest. Deepest.

ㅤㅤㅤ"I love talking to you, Jay. If before I thought we were two peas in a pod, now I'm certified of it the same way I'm certain the Sun rises in the East to set in West. Can you see the same thing I do? Sometimes, it feels as if we're sittin' on our porch, on our living room armchairs, laughing to one another about the sweet memories or silly theories that only we find amusement in."

Through you, Bucky hears things his Ma is saying. Gets news from his two younger sisters, as well as realistic check-ups on Steve.

In one of your letters, you said, "you know, I'm starting to feel calluses. I dreamt of writing dark children's books for so long, and I think this is my punishment, in some sort of way. How in the hell am I having an argument with Steve and you through here? You two are wrong. We talked about this before and I'll say it as many times as needed: this whole 'trip to the future' thing is hiding something bigger, and it's cute that you two think that geniuses and billionaires are just giving us all of their biggest developments. Truly adorable," and it had sparked the favorite topic in his unit: the existence of aliens, or not.

You're there without being there.

Most of them don't even know about you, of course. Bucky's private, and likes to be that way.

Morita, Gabriel, and Dum Dum are exceptions—those tree men proved to be the exact type of company a fella needs when facing an untamed and suffocating darkness.

They teased Bucky about his alone 'poet' time. When the time in July finally came for the soldiers to be dismissed for a weekend home before being shipped to London, Morita bid him goodbye with, "and see if you do something else other than writing back home, eh, Sarge?"

Bucky would.

He barely gets any sleep, waiting for the time when he'll be sharing your presence and counting each minute of it, placing them in the same precious box he kept your words.

With his eyes closed, the smile sets in stone on his face.

To any onlookers that pass him by, Sgt. James Barnes looks at peace.

Everything around him feels sharp and colorful.

Bucky almost feels surreal—his energy is humming underneath his skin, scorching as hot as the star that starts to rise.

He breathes in deeply as he steps out of the train, welcoming the smell of home.

Brooklyn is a hive of noise, so loud and different than anything he'd been used to these past weeks, and he strides in confidence towards his destinies.

For each of his people, Bucky told a story, but all for a good reason:

First, he has to visit his family. If he had told Steve about the time his train arrived, he'd be there without any regard for his sleep and comfort, and Bucky loved him too much to pull him out of bed before the sky had even lost its dark blue tones.

So first, he goes to the Barnes household.

Bringing bread, he steps inside his home almost feeling like the first rays of sunshine itself. Bucky's welcomed by the oldest feeling of attached to being safe and sound when Winnifred's arms wrap around him and she lets out a choked gasp at his name.

"James," is the first name he hears.

He's James during breakfast while he updates his mother to the best of his abilities, and fights the persistent sting in his eyes whenever the light illuminates her dark hairs, shining evidence in her new silver strands. He's James — but in a scolding tone — when his mother hears that he omitted from Steve his arrival time, and he's oh, James when his plans for later tonight are laid on the table in a soft, almost shy-spoken tone.

"I really like her, you know?" his mother tells him.

She's leaning against the sink with her ruby red robe, the soft slippers he bought for her as a present, and her hair held up in a bun. Bucky smiles at the approval, ignoring the heat in his cheeks that blossom at his mother's all-knowing gaze and the glint in her blue eyes. "I'm glad to hear that, ma."

Winnie does no effort to hide how pleased she is, and he has to admit that the teasing face he catches in reflections sometimes came from one person, and it wasn't his father. "Will I get to spend some time together with the two of you, at least?"

According to Bucky's plans, very little, because the time was as counted as their paychecks. "Well—today I'm gonna have lunch with Steve, then the three of us will meet up."

"Right."

"We'll probably hang around Stevie and I's apartment. Then we'll get ready to go to the Stark exhibition."

Winnie's are you serious look reminds Bucky that she never saw the three of you all hanging around together. "Really, James?"

"What?"

"You're gonna bring that poor, sweet boy to chaperone and be a third wheel at your date? Son," the title is another scolding and meant to serve as a tug in his ear.

He can't help it—Bucky laughs. "Mom," he teases right back. "That 'poor sweet boy' will be just fine." He snorted—there was nothing poor nor sweet about Steve. "The three of us are friends."

"And I'm not doubting that for a second. I'm just sayin'. Does he need to be there on the date? Does he even want to?"

"They already argued about this and the final conclusion was, apparently, that yes, he does." Bucky had to bite his lip at those bits in your last letter—even through ink and paper, he could see you and Steve as clear as daylight. "Steve and her are really good friends, Ma. She knows how much I miss him, and she claims that he's been even more annoyin' about stuff, mumbling shit—sorry, mumbling stuff about 'Bucky this' and 'Bucky that', so she ain't havin' it. Plus, it's not like the two of us can't behave. We never made Stevie feel left out."

His mother chuckled. "For some reason I find it hard to believe that you two are not the grossest thing together."

"What?!" his laughter intensifies. "You never saw us together."

"And whose fault is that, hm? Hm?" Winnie's look pierces through him as the last drops of her coffee seep to the cup, and she grabs her cup like a ninja, with eyes still glued on him and her head shaking, no need for a single glance to where her hands are going. His mother sips, and Bucky's laughter subsidies to a smile. "Well, I'm glad you she's generous enough to share ya." Her whole face softens. "Bubba's right. Steve's been missing ya a lot."

Bubba. Bucky forgets how to breathe for a single second. "Bubba?"

The name that his mother calls the girls—Bubs, Bubba, baby.

Winnie smiles behind the cup, and he's not sure if her happiness is directed at him because of how he looks, or at the whole situation. "Yes, James. The woman who's been comin' to my house for two months now, havin' almost daily cups of tea with me to talk about life and the perils of life is, to your surprise and delight, my Bubba. Are you really surprised?" Her next chuckle is as sweet as her coffee must be. "I like her. I told ya already."

"I can see that."

His mother moves to sit in the chair in front of him. "And you haven't answered my question yet, young man." She crosses her legs and offers her coffee for him to sip, which he does. Gods, this woman is a bee. He returns it with a grimace.

"Right, as I was sayin', today we're going to the Stark fair, the three of us. Eat a hot dog, be annoyin' at the square, drink a couple of beers. Then tomorrow, uh—"

"You two love birds will be together all day, yes, I can imagine."

He's thankful his mother saves him from saying the embarrassing bits, at least. "I have to go back on Monday."

"What time?"

"Thirteen hundred train."

"So there's time for breakfast?"

His smile returns. "Yeah, Ma. There's time for breakfast together."

Across the table, his smile seems to be reflected back at him. It looks a little older, with more crinkles around the corners and kissing the side of the eyes, but the same smile nonetheless. "Now I'm happy." She sips the coffee, humming in pleasure. "And what's so interesting at this fair?"

"Was that Bucky's voice?! Ma! Is Bucky here?!"

Ah, that screeching tone.

The second name he hears—Bucky.

Screamed at the top of her lungs by Rebecca, and later by a still sleepy Dorca, Bucky's greets with open arms his young rascals and spins them in the air, so lucky to have their laughter be the only sound he hears once again.

He does his best that whole morning to imprint every second spent with them like a tattoo in the malleable muscle of his brain. He wants Rebecca's slightly nasal and bossy tone to be of easy access when he's far away. He wants to not forget how long Dorca's hair is getting, or how much his mother still has control of this entire house at the tip of her fingers as if she's a powerful spider whose webs are invisible, but stronger than the eyes behold.

Before he leaves, he takes them for ice cream. Bucky asks all sorts of questions, trying to squeeze as much as he can in only a few hours, knowing that no amount of time feels enough nowadays.

Later, there's Buck.

"Hey, Buck."

It's a second homecoming.

This one, it tastes like a little bit of everything. "Hey, Stevie." The tiny frame that fits in his embrace as if it were a puzzle piece, it smells like childhood and teenage years all mushed together. "Glad to see you're in one piece."

It's a jab to the fact that his best friend and soulmate was about to get into a fight just seconds before Bucky finds him, and it was met with an ocean-cold stare. Blue meets blue, and Bucky can only laugh.

"Oh, shut up," Steve rolls his eyes. "I hate that I let them go—fucking bastards."

"Hey, hey; you can't fight 'em—"

"Can't fight 'em all, I know, punk, I know." Steve sighs, but when he looks at Bucky again, his gaze softens. Something clicks, and Steve seems to come back to himself. "You sound like Father Chase," his snorted laugh means it's Bucky's time to scoff.

"Maybe because he had a point?"

"Always did. Doesn't change the facts."

"And what are the facts?"

"The facts, Buck, are that you're a softie," before he can come up with an answer, Bucky's frame is pushed back by the force of it—Steve doesn't go for it, he lunges for another hug, body crashing against Bucky's. "'m glad you're back."

The facts must be true, if only when it came to Steve, at least. "Punk," he mutters against soft blond strands. Bucky hugs back just as hard, and they let go at the exact same time.

A single look is shared, and then they nod.

Secret conversations aren't only spilled in acronyms.

I'm glad to be back, his nod says.

While Steve's says, Now we're alright.

They were. For now, everything was alright.

"You get your orders?" Steve starts walking in the direction that Bucky's heart was tugging in—the direction of your apartment.

He follows, putting one arm around Steve's shoulders. "Sure did. The 107th. Sgt. James Barnes, shipping out on Monday for England."

"Sargeant, huh?"

Under Steve's appraising eyes, Bucky's always felt a little bit analyzed. "Yeah." No inch of him went unnoticed. "I'll do my best to take care of all of them." An artist's eye on you could be an unnerving thing.

It soothed when he smiled. "Of course you will, Buck." Often, Bucky wondered if Steve had any idea of how much power his opinion yielded. "You always do your best." A smile of his alone, and Bucky felt more approved than any superior's highest praise. "I—" he hut himself short, but Bucky knew what he swallowed down. I just wish I could help. "I'm happy for ya."

Always so good, "thank you, Steve." Not a day would go by when Bucky would let it pass the opportunity to thank god for gifting him with Steven Gran Rogers. "Now—" he looked up, seeing your building approach. "You sure she has no idea I'm here?"

Another roll of eyes—Steve could one day get cursed with the sight of his brain forever. "I'm starting to think you're spending too much time with your comrades. You forgot already who's had your six since forever?"

"Awn, Stevie—don't be jealous of my smelly, grumpy men. You'll always be my number one."

"You're ridiculous. Of course she doesn't know. Lady thinks you'll be here on the 4pm train, just like we talked about. She's probably still sleepin' 'cause of her late-night shift."

"Another one?!"

A scoff. "You try to tell Lady what to do and see how it goes. I already know my place of speakin', and it ain't that one."

"God, how on earth did I end up with the two more stubborn people to ever walk this goddamn planet? No, really—"

"Oh, because you're a beacon of flexibility."

"—you two are made from a single mold, and whoever used it on you first, and then her, saw their mistake two heartbeats too late, then broke the damn mold 'cause they knew if they made more, it'd mean world domination."

There's a single second of pause, and then Bucky turns to the amused gaze staring at him. Steve with a hand on his hip and a smirk on his face will always look the same. "You've gotten more dramatic. That's a fuckin' wonder." He turns around laughing to himself and shaking his head. "Go say 'morning' to her. I'm gonna go get tomato sauce, we ran out of it yesterday."

The implication that Steve's been hanging around more registers in all the happy places of Bucky's brain, but everything's washed away by the flood that it's the sight of it—

your window.

Bucky's entire world does the thing: it tunnels.

The same rounded, small rocks that he used on the first date still litter Mrs. Simyl's vase. He picks one, weights it in his hand, and with a heart-thumping loud in his chest, he throws it to your window.

A peck.

KNOCK

Bucky waits: one, two, three heartbeats.

He swallows the lump that rises in his throat.

The sun already rose, but it comes up again.

At least, for him.

When your head pops out in the window, Bucky swears it does.

Like a sniper's barrel, your eyes know exactly where it goes on instinct. They find him underneath your window pulled by the gravity that—with a quick check on his hummingbird of a heart, it's confirmed—still there.

North, meet South.

"Jay?"

"Hi, sweetheart."

Your face disappears, taking everything with you. The light, the warmth, the strenght in the gravitational hold of your beautiful eyes and gaze—as soon as they disappear, Bucky's spell is broken, and his feet gain life.

He knows you're rushing to your door the same way he rushes up the stairs.

He's glad the uniform stayed in his suitcase, safely tucked in his and Steve's apartment. He'd sweat from all the heat he's emmanating, and probably drench you in an ocean before he could get a single kiss.

Bucky's pulled by his North, and when he sees the familiar sight of your door, it's already swinging open.

"Oh, god." There's a breach in time. A break in the fabric of space. One moment, he's a few steps away from you, and the next thing he sees and knows, he has an arm full of you.

"Bucky."

That's him. James, Bucky, Buck, Jay. From all of his names, now's the only time when all of his cells feel slotted into place. Bucky's heard every one of his names, all the ones that matter, and now he is whole.

His voice evades him.

Inside his arms, he's aware that you're shaking, even if the notion takes a moment to register—as it should. He's shaking, too; vibrating, is more like it, because he's here, and now that he can breathe, his body seems incapable of doing so.

He inhales deeply, even if it's all trembling.

Your smell is different from any other. Bucky would recognize in a crowd of millions. He'd find it blindfolded, he was certain of it.

If they made him forget his name, Bucky would be Nobody, but even as Nobody, he would know that this is the scent of his person.

Citrine. Mint leaves. With a deeper inhale, he catches the underlying tone—vanilla. The purest and sweetest form, used in the lotion you put all over your body after showering sometimes, mixed with the unique and personal scent of just you. Vanilla has a taste on you. It's sweet, but not sticky.

It's summer.

Bucky is in love.

When the pull that holds you together seems to loosen its threads, you and Bucky pull back at the same time.

Not too far—neither one is able to go further than millimeters for now, and in the back of his mind, he's thankful that Steve gave the two of you the time you needed.

Just like he and Steve clung to each other like a lifeline for embarrassing minutes that neither one chose to talk about, you two are roped together, and going too far is impossible for now.

The only space is a breath of air separating your heads.

Bucky pulls an arm up, crowding your head inside his forearm. His palm spreads on the top of your head, holding you there.

His eyes find yours, swimming and spilling over.

Your lips tremble when you speak. "You told me you were getting here later," he feels your hand making fists out of his white shirt, resting on the curve of his lower back. After a sniffle, you add, "'m gonna kill you and Blondie," and then, you nuzzle your nose on his.

He laughs. Bucky truly is home. "He was just followin' my orders, lil' witch. No killing, please."

"You two planned behind my back," you go on, sounding small and choked still. His crybaby that never cried before.

Bucky's arm cage around your head got a little tighter, and his arm around your waist pulled you impossibly closer. "Don't cry," he pleaded in a whisper. "It was to surprise ya."

He thinks you're beautiful even with wet, rosy cheeks. "I'm surprised," your laugh came out choked, and you sniffled again. Bucky accepted the tears despite how much his hand itched to wipe them away, and clean your cheeks. Lower, and softer, so much softer than he was used to hearing any voice, you say, "You're actually here..."

The awe in your voice is a sentiment he can understand. "I am."

"I'm not dreaming."

His forehead stays touching yours as he shakes his head, and while it's an uncomfortable angle, but he likes it for now. "No. Seems neither am I." It's the closeness his heart aches for, and achieving it soothes the wrinkles in his soul.

You, on the other hand, seem to need a better angle—your head pulls back against his head, gaining a couple more inches of distance, and his body moves along with yours.

When you're far enough to look at his whole face, Bucky's breath is sucked out of his body.

He's here.

"I missed you, Jay."

And so are you.

Bucky smiles and dives.

Your eyes are closed, lips waiting for his.

If angels sing, this is it. Angels, a choir, or maybe just the white noise of his head subduing, opening up space for this—your lips on his are a single drop falling in a pond, creating ripples until the surface is a still mirror.

Neither one of you moves too much. There isn't back and forth, or any deepening of the kiss. On the contrary.

It is what it is.

A sweet sound of hello. A press of lips, two pieces meeting together, fitting in as one.

When the air he stored runs out and Bucky gasps in your lips, he hears your pleased hum.

You smile, breathing in through your nose. "'m so happy," you inform him.

Bucky laughs. He breathes out, and kisses you again, but messier this time. Rougher. He wants to taste your tongue, wants your oxygen in his veins. He nibbles, bites, sucks on your lips; Bucky finally gets his tongue intertwining with yours, walks you back inside your place, and closes the door with his foot even if somewhere in the back of his mind, he's aware that Steve will come passing by any minute now.

The kiss is enough for now.

A single taste—a sip of a galleon he'll drink whole later tonight, bathe himself, drown in; Bucky pulls back and is pleased to note how pink you look and the puffiness in your lips.

You two exist in silence for a moment, just breathing each other in, and then,

"You ready for a day with Stevie and I?" he asks.

Your smile is enough of an answer. "Where's Blondie?"

"Probably comin' right up."

"'Kay. Cool." You press your lips on his again, melting and humming softly; all the little sounds he's missed. The hums, and ahs you make when melting in his arms that he's taking back to the base with him. "'m gonna change."

"Cool. Let's go."

Your laughter as well—he's pocketing that, and keeping it close to his heart. "That wasn't an invite."

"Was it not? Damn, I could've sworn it was, miss. My bad."

"D'you think I can get any 'changing' done with you in the room?"

Although the question is asked amidst laughter, you seem okay with Bucky glued on your back and stepping where you do, channeling his inner cat. "I have no clue. We'll figure it out."

"And if Steve arrives?"

A cackle from him—you're the witch, but Bucky laughs like one at that joke. "I'm sure your new best friend can find himself just fine in your house. Wasn't he here last night?"

"How d'you know that?"

"He said you two ran out of tomato sauce. He went to get some to cook lunch for us."

"You mean for you to cook lunch for us. We're just sittin' there lookin' pretty and talking your ear off."

"Sweetheart, that sounds marvelous to me."

True as he said to his mother, there is no third-wheeling or chaperoning.

In the same kitchen as his two favorite people, Bucky has one of the loveliest afternoons of his entire life. In fact, his Saturday is so good that Bucky marks the date in the calendar in his mind — the 24th of July — as some special daybreak.

He fits right in. Between the jokes that you and Steve now share and he has no idea what the roots of them are, next to your attentive, hawk-like eyes that never seem to leave him, snuggled by the much smaller frame of a friend who still looks up to him as someone good.

It's a pity that Bucky has no superpowers.

He would fit an entire month right there, in the afternoon reserved for the three of you.

By the time the sun is setting down and you three feel the need to clean up for the exhibition, the trio has already covered every base:

The military. Family. Neighbors (both the annoying as well as the good ones). Steve's stubbornness, and then yours. England. Bucky's squadron, with the specifics of each man he claimed to like.

Bucky laughed. He sobered up—those coal, slimy tentacles of war tried sneaking their way to the front.

Impossible to be done with you and Steve present.

When Bucky comments about separating — 'Steve and I can go to the apartment to get ready then come pick you up, whatcha say?' — he gets the same attitude from both.

"Why would I go stay alone at my place?" you ask.

Steve nods along. "Just wait here 'till she picks up her overnight bag and she'll come with us."

"Yeah. Steve never takes longer than ten minutes to get ready, anyway."

"True. I say Lady and I will be ready before you are," Steve adds with a knowing smile.

You laugh with him. "Oh—that's for sure."

"Hey!" Bucky loves to see you two teaming up. It's the kind of thing he'd like to see forever if he has any say in it. "I don't take that long."

To that, he hears many arguments.

"Oh my god, who is he talking to?" you ask, turning your gaze to Steve.

"I don't know. He's actin' like we don't know him," Steve snorts.

"It's crazy. Did he forget the times we had to wait for him?"

"Many times."

You glance back at Bucky, all smiles and daring. "You think you can hurry up tonight, princess?"

It does something to him. He hates that it does—and he sees and hears it in Steve's laugh that it's obvious, too, that the stupid teasing nickname pulls a string or two of his, and he huffs away from you both. "Ungrateful duo of firecrackers, I swear to god."

"Oh, c'mon!" it's you, rushing to catch up to him, laughing the same as Steve.

"Yeah, c'mon—"

"Don't you dare, Steven," he cuts him off before he can use it too, and it gets only more laughter.

"You didn't answer her question, you know," Steve comments when he catches up to Bucky and you.

He rolls his eyes. "I'll speed up. 's not like I have to look my best—not when you two aren't doing anythin' to deserve it."

"Damn, Jay. Not even a little bit of cologne for me?" you pout.

The gall. The audacity. He huffs and puffs, and turns his eyes away from you. "I'll think about it." He's a joke. Bucky's going to spend at least triple the time in the bathroom, but it's okay, because he'll come out to you and Steve waiting for him.

"Welcome to the Modern Marvels Pavilion and the World of Tomorrow!"

In his uniform, Bucky feels oddly in place.

He's pulled by the sleeves by either you, or Steve. "C'mon, c'mon, Buck, it's starting!" you squeal.

Willing and pliant, that's his role for the whole night. With a smile plastered on his face, and a giddiness he hasn't felt since he was a kid. Not that he was ever this happy in his childhood—this is a new, shinier form of happiness.

It happens because he's in the right place. With the right people.

Also, he paid very close attention to your eyes when he left the bathroom an hour ago.

When Bucky saw that glint, a very familiar one to him, his body responded. He felt your gaze on him. On his uniform. The tension that for a second became almost like humidity in the air, it hung for a few seconds, and it made Steve go to the kitchen with yet another roll of his eyes.

"I'm... gonna go drink a glass of water. You two—yikes. Be quick. The eye fucking is gross."

"Such a gentleman, Steve," you joked, but the lack of eye contact with him kind of ruined it for you.

Bucky approached you, walking in slow and deliberate steps. He allowed you to look at every inch. Feeling it was good, too—your eyes ranking up and down his body was almost a physical touch, and it made the soft spreading of your palm on his chest warmer.

"You look..." the words left you, leaving your lips parted and pink. "Very nice."

Not often did Bucky feel bashful. "Thanks, sweetheart." A rare gem such as this needed to be polished, even if it was perfect in its raw form. Bucky leaned in closer, barely containing his smile, and with his mouth nearing your ears, he whispered. "I have a feeling it's not my hair and my perfume that you like."

The intake of your breath was loud from this proximity. "Jay..."

That whisper alone was enough for him. He whispered your name back and kissed your temple with a smile. "Save all of those thoughts for later, 'kay? All of 'em. I wanna hear everything that's goin' around on that pretty head of yours."

Breathless, you whispered, "'kay'," and then nuzzled your face against his neck before pulling away. The flush was high on your cheeks. Redder than before, and due to more than just makeup. "You really do look handsome," that whisper made his insides tangle, and he enjoyed it.

"'m glad you think so."

That part was only forgotten when he saw the automobiles.

Even if Steve hid it better than you and Bucky, the reality hit you three all the same. Three nerds in a science fairy served for more than entertainment; it meant a night to be remembered.

Bucky gets lost in hours of conversation.

You three see everything. Even the dance floor is forsaken in the name of reading about stuff, theorizing about what is left out of the exposition, and laughing with each other as the ideas that bounce between you three get wilder each time.

It's almost midnight when you three make your way to the apartment.

Bucky is in a tipsy state. Steve—well, his tolerance is not the best, and mixing sugar with alcohol is a bad idea. It's all good though, because you hate the taste of it, and walking between the two of them like a beacon of balance and normalcy is a thing you did before.

Steve's hand hooks through your shoulder, into Bucky's nape.

He talks about the war. The human condition—Mrs. Georgia, from downstairs.

"She's been cryin' every night or two. It's—sad. Loud. God, I'm so glad I'm gonna black out tonight."

Bucky ends up taking off Steve's shoes while you tuck his sleeping body into bed.

He looks up at you, and sees the strand of your hairstyle escaping the pins, framing your face into something more suited for the faint yellow lights of late-night times and the Moonlight outside. "At least he waited 'till he was home," Bucky reasons.

You smile at him. "At least he didn't puke."

"Touché."

Once Steve Rogers is safe and sound, you turn your body to Bucky, both hands placed on your hips.

Here it comes, thinks Bucky...

"Safe and sound."

He smiles. "That he is." Bucky knew he'd be. It wasn't his first time hearing this.

He extends one hand in the air and is delighted when you catch it.

"Let's go?"

It's barely a whisper.

You nod at him, fitting your body under one of his arms as you walk out of the room. In the quiet magnitude of this hour into the night, you whisper, "I should've let you buy me cotton candy."

Bucky closes the door of the room holding back his laughter. "I'll make you scrambled eggs when we get to the hotel."

"Will you?"

"I will."

"I don't know if I trust your tipsy self to a stove."

Bucky groaned, pulling you even closer to him to bury his nose into your hair. "I'll be a hundred percent by the time we make it there."

The conversation goes on in hushed whispers as you two walk, ignoring all the other rare figures you see walking in the streets too, not on purpose—on the fact that it's a new world, already.

As soon as the apartment door was locked behind him, Bucky's world shifted in its axis; everything becomes you.

He's barely aware of what he's answering.

The only thing he knows it's that you're teasing him—he pays attention to the blush he sees forming on your cheeks once you feel his gaze so locked on your lips. He laughs under his breath when you stutter, and then laughs harder when you poke him in the ribs for laughing in the first place.

He feels how warm you are despite how chill the night has become.

Inside his jacket—his uniform, you've found heat.

The hotel room he located for the night is not far from your house itself, and it's one of the most decent ones still inside his budget. Rooms that are nice and clean, plus a decent breakfast.

It was far from what you deserved, but Bucky had years of work ahead of him before he was able to afford that.

When he enters, you take a little spin around.

Bucky puts both yours and his duffel bags on the floor.

He lets you walk around, and take your heels off, his eyes following you.

When they finally land on him, Bucky can almost see the air that stands between you.

Your voice is as low as a whisper. He hears it loud and clear in the deep quiet of the night. "You're not gonna cook for me, are you?"

He's kicking his shoes off as he shakes his head.

Bucky's eyes are so attentive, that he catches the shivers that run through you.

"Tomorrow," he promises.

Your fingers graze the long sleeve of the dress until it hooks on the shoulder pad, but Bucky hums negatively.

The movement stops.

He takes his steps until he's an inch away from you, and breathes in deeply.

"'m pretty sure that's my job."

It was. One of the best parts of it, now that Bucky paid close attention to it. His hands removed the fabric from your skin, exposing it to the light entering the room through the window, and in those moments, Bucky managed to fit in hours.

Every inch of you being exposed to him, it was like he painted it somewhere in his mind, guarding that canvas in a special slide of his subconscious.

When all your clothes were on the floor, he continued his ministrations of sewing all your measurements to memory.

Bucky's hands — palm spread flat, his fingertips, his knuckles — made work of you, while you removed his clothes in return.

Once naked, he could pass on to the next stage:

"Wanna remember how you taste, sweetheart."

The shaky gasp you let out when his words met your ear was too fast for him to catch, but everything else that followed fell into Bucky's lips.

They were wide, hand-made nets, built only for one purpose: to fish every part of you that was delectable.

Bucky started with close-mouthed kisses and ended up almost devouring you. Swallowing you whole.

There were hours between that first and last stage, though.

At first, everything was slow.

Bucky had been so preoccupied back at the base with whether the first time you two fucked would be the same as the ones from before or not, that he missed the entire point.

It had always been great. The connection between you two always started with more than just physical, and when it got to that point, you two were already lost in each other.

This was immersion.

Hearing your tender, then groaned, and later broken moans of "Jay" counted as his sea.

Your eager touches were current, guiding him in.

This was far from fucking. There was nothing crude about the first time—there was only love.

Bucky never made love before, but he understood why not when your body unfolded in front of him. When your legs open wide and everything blossoms, Bucky has full comprehension of what a feeling can do to two people.

Not just any feeling. This.

Bucky's a drunk man.

It's only his grace that you're as far gone as him. As Dionysus blessed—when Bucky's fingers intertwine with yours to replace your fisted hands in the sheets with his own instead, Bucky's gaze catches yours.

He sees the warm and inviting openness of black in your eyes.

Bucky kisses and leaves his feeling all over his path.

As overwhelming as it is, making love is also beautiful. This type of surrender required a level of trust and blinded faith that he's not sure he even had before, but he finds it right there, in bed with you.

The first time is slow.

Both of you taking your time to marvel at how in sync you are—to marvel at how wet one makes the other, and how unashamed both of you feel in touching each and every part.

He's never had anyone touching him the way you do. Bucky gets your lips leaving prints from his face, his chest, arms, and legs, all the way to the curve above his ass.

As he opens you up with his fingers, Bucky keeps watching all the emotions passing through your face.

The first time you make love, in gentle, long, and agonizing steps.

When he pushes inside at last, he can almost swear he hears violins.

Or maybe it's your nails digging at his back—your pained, blissed whines. "Jay."

He's whining, too—your name spills from his lips as much as air does, and you two move not to reach an end, but to feel what is connecting you at that exact time.

When the words leave his lips, Bucky can see them traveling in the air before being sucked in by yours. "I love you, sweetheart."

Out of his lips, into thick, warm air, and falling...

You gasp, closing your eyes for a moment, and Bucky tastes your tears when he's gifted back with, "I love you too, James." It makes him smile, shaking from head to toe like a leaf. "I truly do."

"I know. I feel it."

"It w-was never like—like this. Never before."

An understatement, if he ever heard one. Bucky could feel your heartbeat as if it was his own; it was more than just his cock buried to the hilt inside of your warm cunt, feeling every construction and high of your pleasure, or the vibrations of your moans and the pleas for his name that seemed to reverberate all through his being—

"This—" he bucked his hips harder, just to feel the waves of pleasure cursing through you, and laughed with his lips ghosting your mouth. "This is—oh—it's making love, sweetheart."

"Jay!"

Bucky was unsure of how long it lasted.

Could've been hours, or just a few, blissful minutes.

From the thick layer of sweat that covered your bodies by the time you both came undone, his guess tips more towards the first.

It's almost like seeing a visible thread being cut—when the orgasms hit your bodies, one right after the other, Bucky collapses his back in the bed, carrying your body along with him.

That's where you two stay, for a few moments longer.

"Were we whispering?" you ask.

He likes when your lips are on his skin. They're warm, and he has their shape memorized now. "I think we were." If he was a better artist, he'd draw them. "D'you want me to cook for you now?" he asks with a chuckle.

You tilt your head up, take a second to think it over, then answer with a simple smile.

So Bucky cooks.

He slaps your hand when you try putting on his white t-shirt laying on the ground, commenting, "No need for that at all, c'mon'," and watches with the same pleased and hungry eyes as you stay leaning on the wall as he uses the small stove for a quick meal.

After that, there are other times.

There's the desperate round, and there's the fucking, and the unexpected, and the lazy, 'we're too tired to move but still horny enough for this' moment where he just lays in bed with his hands between your legs, touching your pussy even if he's not actively doing anything.

Bucky washes you with careful hands and a lot of tenderness in the shower, running the cloth and the soap through your marked, sensitive skin as slowly as his sleepiness allows.

"We're gonna have a good day today," you tell him.

Given the whispering tone and slurred words, Bucky assumes you're almost sleeping, too. "Yup. All day to ourselves. Dinner with Steve. Come back here to sleep well."

"I love you, James."

Bucky would never get tired of hearing those words in your voice. He pulls your body close, kissing even if he'll taste soap and warm water. "I love you more." He whispers your name, kisses you again, and turns off the shower head before cold water sprays on his perfect day.

Nothing about today is cold.

Bucky's warm. While you may carry the elegance and magic of the Moon, you're his Sun.

His North, and his Sun, which would always guide him home, for hot and perfect days like this that remind him of why it's good to be alive and to feel all of this love.

↳ my inbox 💌 | tip jar ♡ ↲

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ☆ next chapter ☆

#usernexusnyx #bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes series #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes x smut #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x oc #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x fluff #40s!bucky x reader #40s!bucky #1940s!bucky #1940s!bucky barnes #bucky fanfic #bucky imagine #bucky x female reader

[lovelykhaleesiii]

RANT because I have to get this off my chest…

I doubt anyone will see this, because I don’t think my posts show on people’s pages but whatever.

and whether you agree with me or not, I don’t really give a fuck but this needs to be said, because this is my personal experience.

as someone that’s been on Tumblr for a few years now & in quite a lot of fandoms, I’ve never really experienced what I have since joining the HOTD fandom. and no it shouldn’t be reasoned with because I joined later AFTER the show aired, nor should it be because I’m a “small” blog. these bullshit excuses should not be the reason for being so fucking uninviting, period. why must I reiterate this…

most of the reason why I get turned off easily within the HOTD fandom is because of how often I see pages forming little cliques and being selective in their inclusivity. “oh but they’re my mutuals” okay great!!!

there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, in fact I have met my own amazing people through this fandom that I would die for, and I encourage you to meet friends (side note - be careful online) but that doesn’t mean you have to strike out or ignore anyone that tries to initiate a conversation or shows support for your blog/work and for it to be not be reciprocated. you guys are so quick to talk about how difficult it is to be a fic writer and to appease people, and yet how exactly are you helping? like cmon I thought I left this shit in high school man, it’s just embarrassing now…

the mutuals I first met in this fandom, as lovely as they were I don’t talk to anymore. why? because I showed my genuine support, put the effort in although it wasn’t being reciprocated, it felt very one sided. and that’s okay, life happens I completely understand that and don’t hold that against you for being inactive. but seeing them later constantly interact with other “big” blogs, all very back and forth between the pages, and be pushed to the side is a very shitty feeling. don’t be an asshole, it’s really not that fucking hard…

and I still support works that aren’t necessarily my cup of tea, and no I’m not bragging but it’s what I fucking do. and the fact I wasn’t receiving the same fucking hurts.

and yes it’s easy to shrug and say “write for yourself, you should be writing for yourself.” which yes I have been, and the whole reason why I began writing in the first place was for myself, cause these ideas that I write and indulge in are mostly for my own “personal” entertainment LOL. but don’t sit there and tell me you don’t get a rush of excitement when someone reblogs/comments on your work, that genuine, incredible feeling when you can bond with other people over your work or when people commemorate your efforts. it’s easier to say “write for yourself” when you haven’t experienced poor or no engagement, and see others receiving constant appraisal and instinctively compare. it’s a natural, normal human response, people will and can’t help themselves to compare.

so stop with this whole clique shit, I’m so fucking over it.

and to the newcomers I’ve met so far, you’ve all been so incredible and your work sensational, continue doing you. it’s THEIR losses, not yours. for the people that can relate to me, I’m sorry you have to go through this but just know you’ll have my full support always.

and I mean… if you want I can be a bitch too, but you’re not going to like it. that’s for fucking sure…

#RANT #fandom tings #let’s just be welcoming why is this so hard #aegon ii targaryen #tom glynn carney #aemond targaryen #ewan mitchell #hotd #house of the dragon

[thegreymoon]

I am really not the target demographic for Red, White and Royal Blue and honestly, the entire premise sounds dumb af from where I'm sitting, but all the gifs that crossed my dash looked hilarious and that main actor is beyond gorgeous, so I am going to give it a shot tonight. My expectations are so low, that unless this movie gets a shovel and starts digging, there is no chance it cannot exceed them. I am so ready to eat my words, just give me some pretty people, mindless fluff and basic comedy and I will be happy, I swear!

***

TWO FUCKING HOURS?

You guys, I'm going to be honest here, I don't think I have it in me to sit through this 😭😭

***

LOL, only a younger brother 🤣🤣 They did not have the guts to go all in and make him the heir to the throne.

Also, lol @ "Prince of England's hearts" but even more so at "whom all the world adores" 🤣🤣 I cannot. I am absolutely not the target demographic for this and I don't think I have it in me to just go along with this, fictional British royal family or not. Who speaks like this? Who even believes it?

Anyway. Abolish the monarchy, Guillotine them all. Long live the glorious revolution!

***

LMFAO 🤣🤣

Well, at least he looks equally disgusted.

If we can't off the royal family, how about we just off this news announcer? Because I am getting so much second-hand embarrassment.

***

LMAO, OK, he gets ONE point 🤣🤣

OK, fine, two points, because he is stupid beautiful and the reason I sat down to watch this in the first place 😤

***

Yassss, girlfriend has great taste!

I'm two minutes in and so far, she's my favourite. I would totally watch a two-hour movie of her touring London and giving commentary on the yumminess of various guys she encounters.

***

LMAO, is he going to get hammered and smash the obscene 75-thousand-pound cake? 🤣🤣

Because why else would they mention that price point and also show the cake in all its humongous 8-tier glory 🤣🤣

Here for the diplomatic incident, ngl, I would totally read the shit out of that in the tabloids the next day 🤣🤣

***

NOOOOO, THE CAKE IS RIGHT BEHIND THEM!

THEY WILL TOTALLY TOPPLE THAT CAKE!

***

Okay, I am laughing 🤣🤣

***

SCREAMING 🤣🤣

I saw it coming from a mile away, but goddamn, it DELIVERED! 🤣🤣

***

I can't stop laughing 🤣🤣

Watching this was such a good decision 🤣🤣

***

LOL, if this was a real-life event, I would spend a week gleefully reblogging it on Tumblr, no lie 🤣🤣

Also, it is a 9-TIER CAKE, not 8 🤣🤣 The more, the messier!

***

LMFAO 🤣🤣

Also, OMG! Uma Thurman! 😍 It's been a hundred years since I watched her in anything!

***

"Sunshine of my heart" 🤣🤣

This movie is hilarious 🤣🤣

***

Wait, Sarah Shahi??

I loved her in Life! I also watched Fairly Legal for her and thought she was stunning in The L Word! I'm forever bitter we never got to see that Nancy Drew adaptation with her in the main role 😕

***

The thing that is the most difficult for me to suspend my disbelief for is the idea that these two overly privileged young men involved in their countries' respective politics are actually nice people.

I keep chanting to myself, "You are not here for realism! You are not here for realism! YOU ARE NOT HERE FOR REALISM!"

To varying levels of success 😕

***

Romantic comedies are so not my genre. And I am so not here for ex-boyfriends or whatever this guy is.

I need Alex and Henry to get back together ASAP and start smashing cakes again because I'm starting to get bored.

***

These are gutter-level jokes.

Seriously, they couldn't get more creative?

***

They have the most basic taste in literature ever. It doesn't even feel authentic, more like what a nineteen-year-old girl thinks good taste in literature should look like.

***

I feel like I am extremely uncharitable towards this movie (the cake thing was funny tho) but it is very hard to take their bland flirting, pedestrian romance and pathetic humour seriously when you're coming into this from 2ha 😕 The standards that have been set are on another planet compared to what we are being given here.

***

Please 😭

And smash another cake, otherwise I don't know how I'm going to make it through another hour-and-a-half of this 😭😭

***

The things I will watch for pretty people 😭

He truly is stupid beautiful and makes this thing infinitely more watchable every time he's on screen.

***

I'm with Henry on this one, this party is like something straight out of my worst nightmares and crushing on the tall, hot guy seems like the only tolerable thing in this whole hellscape.

***

Aww, baby, he is not having a good time.

He wants to kiss him for New Year's too!

***

LOL.

Well. That escalated 🤣🤣

***

NOOOOO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING JUST STARING AFTER HIM?

RUN AFTER HIM AND TELL HIM IT'S OK AND THAT YOU SHOULD CONTINUE SOMEWHERE BEHIND CLOSED DOORS!!

***

And some women! 👀

She's my favourite character in this thing, lol, followed closely by Sarah Shahi and Uma Thurman. And then Prince Henry 😅

***

This guy stands no chance to the level that it's embarrassing he still keeps trying.

I almost feel sorry for him, but I kinda have the feeling that he's going to be the one to out Alex and Henry, so my sympathy is very shallow. Just know when you've lost, my man, and MOVE ON.

#red white and royal blue

[copias-girl]

Hey. I saw you deleted all the excitement/nonsense from the other day, wanted to check in on you. I realized that while I've been on this hellsite for 12 years and seen and experienced a great deal of my own anon drama, I forget how overwhelming & terrible it feels when it first happens to you.

I failed to notice that, in addition to being very new to this site, you're also only 18 (please note that this is not meant to sound condescending - tone is impossible to convey via text). I was a couple years older than that when I joined here, and I carried just as much excitement and energy into everything I posted and reblogged and quickly gained a reputation for myself. From what I've observed from your blog though, mine was decidedly...less fun & positive, so I got a LOT of anonymous messages telling me what they thought of me. I would spend a lot of time thinking about those anons and the terrible things they said to me, constructive or not, objective or not. It didn't matter how many support messages I got from friends or mutuals, or how much we mocked the anons or made light of the situation - I was angry, embarrassed, felt like nothing I did would fix it, and sometimes didn't want to log onto this site anymore, despite it being the only outlet I had to express myself in this way.

It is normal to focus on the small negative in spite of the overwhelming positive - healthy? No. But normal.

My point is: Please do not let this nonsense deter you from being you. Not everyone is going to like you, and that is totally fine. Not everyone is going to like how you post/reblog on your blog. Speaking solely for myself, I generally keep a more contained dashboard I can scroll through quickly at work, so I don't follow your blog, but I don't translate my personal feelings on how you blog into my personal opinion of you as an individual. Everyone blogs differently on this site, which is what keeps it interesting. I'm also not so chronically online to go out of my way to send you a 5-paragraph essay about consent or being hypersexual in a fandom for a gay Satanic band. Instead I'll send you a 8-paragraph essay trying to comfort you and to tell you not to despair, lmao.

I LOVE your enthusiasm about how you express yourself in your posts & reblogs, and it seems there's a shit ton of blogs around you that feel the same way & express themselves the exact same way. Don't lose that spark! Don't let them rain on your parade! [Insert another cliche phrase here]!

Take time if you need a break, but please understand you did nothing wrong. Everything said to you was someone's opinion they wanted to force on you to control how you behave because they themselves are terrified of the world around them and don't understand they cannot control others. Hopefully one day they'll realize how sheltered and, quite frankly, stupid they are. I did.

My advice: if you ever reopen anons and start getting those messages again, delete them and don't engage. Most of the time they're just looking for attention, to rile you up. Classic bullying tactics.

Or print out their messages and use them as firewood. Or toilet paper. Whatever works.

Lastly, you don't have to acknowledge this or publish this message if you don't want to. Genuinely, I just wanted to reach out and make sure you're okay and to attempt to longwindedly impart some advice from my own experiences over the decade.

You do you, dude. Fuck the haters.

Thank you so so much for this incredibly kind and comforting message ♥︎ I really appreciate it more than you could imagine, it even made me cry reading it. I feel like this message is a good closer for this situation, so I’m also going to use it as an opportunity to give a little PSA about how my blog will be operating from now on.

First of all, just thank you again. I’m honestly astonished because every single thing you mentioned is exactly how I feel. The hurt of it all despite getting so much support, the empty feeling of not wanting to go on tumblr anymore despite it being my only outlet. Tumblr was supposed to be my safe space, my escape, my home, and it really sucks because it honestly doesn’t feel like that anymore.

I think the thing that hurts the most is that literally no one reached out to me as a friend in the dms to tell me that I was bothering them. I’m not a mind reader, so if no one says anything then I assume I’m not bothering them. But I do pride myself on always being approachable, I’m ALWAYS open to people messaging me with their concerns.

It’s different when it’s some faceless anon who comes off as slightly passive aggressive. If someone would have just DMed me, I definitely would have put more thought into it and taken their suggestion. Since I haven’t been on tumblr long, I didn’t even know the difference between reblogging with a comment or reblogging with tags until literally just now during this whole situation.

I just feel like I’ve been serving spaghetti every night for dinner. 9 people say they absolutely LOVE it, but then I come to suddenly find out the 10th person doesn’t. But they never said anything all this time, so how was I supposed to know?

I’ve had two people block me who I thought were my friends. One who, during this situation, even said she’d always be there for me. Basically, she informed me that our mutual friend had been upset about my comments and apparently never said anything before this, so I reached out to that friend and apologized. She apparently got triggered by my apology, and they both blocked me. That hurt. A lot. And if I’m being honest I’ve been fighting so hard not to self harm during this time.

I feel like I’ve been treated like a malicious criminal over this, when in reality everyone should know damn well I’ve never done ANYTHING to deliberately make people feel bad.

And don’t worry, I definitely did not take the comment about my age to be condescending. In fact, I wish more people would have taken it into account. And the fact that I’ve only been on tumblr for 6 months, so I don’t really know much about it.

I have a life outside tumblr. I’m a student, and I’ve had to be a full-time caretaker to sick relatives who have now unfortunately passed away. I’m grieving. My father abandoned me and my mother, so I’ve had to take over doing all the things that he used to do.

I come on tumblr, I scream about everyone’s favourite satanic antipopes, I post some fics, and then I close the app and go about my life. I don’t research the history of tumblr and what’s deemed acceptable by certain groups of people. I’m a human. I’m a real teenage girl, with feelings. I’m able to be hurt, and triggered, and everything else. I know I’ve created a personality for myself on here, and I think people often forget that I’m a real girl.

I wish I could say I’m okay, but right now that spark definitely feels dampened into a sad little ember. Since this has happened, I’ve almost stopped eating entirely, and when I do eat, I immediately throw it right back up. My Mom took me out to eat and I threw up in public. This has honestly had my stomach in knots.

Today was the first day I actually didn’t feel nauseous. So hopefully time will heal this wound. I wouldn’t wish this on ANYONE, but I’m glad to see you got through it and made it out ok. I’m hoping for the same outcome for myself too.

Now for the PSA portion of this message (everyone please read):

Will I stop being unhinged? Hell no. But I will be moving any horny comments into the tags, as suggested by the people who had complaints. The absolute last thing I want to do is alienate people and make people uncomfortable. (I still have questions about reblogging with comments tho, for example, if I say something not horny should I still put that in the tags or is it ok to comment that?)

Secondly, my best friend suggested that I should just start taking my unhinged comments and making them into posts of their own, so I’ll probably do that too. I think I might tag them with some cheesy tag, probably a pun on nsfw (not sugar for work?) so that if you’d like to blacklist that tag, you can, and then your dash will be safe for scrolling at work or wherever. And you can just click ‘view post’ if you want to view it.

So, rest assured, the horny party will never stop! But since I’ll be putting my stuff in the tags, you probably won’t see it circulating as much as reblogged comments, so if you want to see me being unhinged, just come to my page and scroll through!

Also, I’ve gotten so many other supportive messages and I want to thank everyone for sending them in. I won’t be answering them, because I don’t want a lot of stuff about this situation on my blog. And this is going to be the last time I talk about this situation on my blog. But the supportive messages really do mean a lot to me, so thank you all ♥︎

I feel malaise, so I might still be absent for a little while, but I’ll try to get back in the saddle as soon as I can. I haven’t been in the best mindset to write, but I’m really going to try because posting fics and running this account genuinely make me happy.

Thank you for taking the time to read, and I hope to see you all again very soon

Love always,

Sugar <3

#wanderingchild #my lovely ghestie #ask box

[sjhhemmings]

Evermore pt.3

OC!CassidyVoight x Mouse!Endgame, OC!CassidyVoight x Jay Halstead, OC!CassidyVoight x Connor Rhodes

a/n: sorry this was kind of a filler chapter until the good stuff starts in the next part ;) hope you guys are enjoying this so far, let me know what you think by commenting, and reblogging ❤️

warning: description/ mentions of su!c!de, swearing, alcohol, (it’s not as bad as last chapter but still if anyone needs help feel free to reach out! ❤️

word count: 2.4 k

wattpad: sjhhoran

The sound of the diner door rang through Cassie's ears snapping her out of her trance.

Looking down at the warm coffee she's had her hands cupped around for the last twenty minutes she frowns as she realizes it's grown cold.

"Hey, sorry I'm late." Jay says sliding into the booth across from Cassie.

"Hi, no you're good. No worries," She says with a small smile looking at the man.

For the last five months Jay and Cassie have spent every morning in this diner. Talking, sitting, bonding. Ever since the night Jay found Cassie, he's refused to leave her alone. He's vowed to never let Cassie get to the point again, and if she does it would have to be over his dead body.

It took awhile for Cassie to understand why he would care about her so much. Why he put so much effort into making sure she was okay, but eventually she quit asking questions and let him in.

*5 months ago*

"Do you want to grab a coffee?" Jay asks as he clicked Cassie's floor in the elevator.

"Uh, yeah, I'd like that. But um, how did you know what floor my apartments on?" Cassie asked skeptically looking at Jay.

"Oh, I didn't. I guess we live on the same floor." Jay says with a shy smile.

Cassie followed Jay out of the elevator confused again when he stops outside her apartment.

"Okay, this is getting weird Jay." She says chuckling and nervously rubbing the back of her neck.

"What? Why? This is me," He said unlocking the door to the apartment across from hers.

Rolling her lips into a line out of embarrassment, she pointed at her apartment door and muttered, "This is me..." Earning a snicker from Jay.

Eventually ending up in a small diner down the street from their building, they were both relieved when they saw the 'Open 24 hours' sign in the window.

"So, what were you doing up there?" Jay finally asked taking a sip of his coffee.

Met with silence he took a breath before continuing, "Look, I told you why I went up there. But you never told me why you were there." He said looking at Cassie.

Biting her lip, she didn't even know where to begin.

"Can we start with something else?" She asks looking back at him.

"Of course."

"I'm a paramedic at firehouse 51,"

"I thought you were a cop?"

"Used to be," Cassie said with a smile repeating what she said before. "How'd you figure that out anyway?"

"Glock 19. Most cops use that as their sidearm. Lucky guess." Jay said smiling back at her.

"Are you a cop?" Cassie asked curiously

"Detective. I work in organized crime over at the 21st."

"Ah. I didn't really make it past the patrolman stage over at the 31st." Cassie said with a sigh.

"But you're a paramedic now?"

"Yes, figured the education could be useful and then I fell in love with the rush. I just don't think I'm made for the streets." Cassie admitted finishing her coffee.

"I bet you'd thrive as a detective in a special unit. Not very many cops enjoy uniform."

After deciding that ordering food would be a good choice, Cassie and Jay continued talking and getting to know each other. But Cassie knew what she needed to tell him.

"I was up there because I ruined everything." Cassie started immediately hooking Jay's attention.

"I just fuck everything up, and I guess I couldn't handle it anymore. I convinced myself that the world would be better off without me..." Cassie said tearing up again, flinching a little when Jay placed his hand over her's.

Once Cassie explained everything that's happened, she felt relieved that she was able to open up to someone. That she didn't have to bottle it up and keep to herself. But when she looked up and saw the very prominent look of pity plaguing Jay's face all of the horrible feelings rushed back.

"This was a mistake." Cassie admitted quickly getting up.

Following her, Jay threw some money down on the table and basically chased her out of the diner.

"Cassie! Wait!" He said getting a little dejavu from just a few hours before.

"Jay, I'm broken. I've ruined everything, and there's nothing anyone can do to fix it. I'm lost cause just let me go." Cassie said stopping on the sidewalk turning around to face him.

"If you want me to let you go, why did you turn around to spare my feelings?" He asked confusing her.

"What?"

"If you truly felt like you were a lost cause, you would've kept walking. You wouldn't have stopped and turned around to tell me to let you go. You would've ran." He says stepping closer to her frozen figure.

"Let me help you. We're friends now, whether you like it or not. Im not leaving you in the dust... Let me help you." He says again now reaching for her hand.

Taking a shaky breath, Cassie had no more fight in her. It was either this, or death. And she knew she couldn't choose the latter.

Muttering a quiet, 'okay', Cassie took Jay's hand and sobbed into his shoulder once he pulled her in.

*Present Day*

"How've you been?" Jay asked thanking their waitress as she set down his usual.

"I've been okay. I guess my dad is getting out of prison soon. Everyone at the firehouse is mad at me." Cassie said sighing and stirring some sugar into her cold coffee.

"That's not your fault though? Why are they blaming you?" Jay asked making her smile.

"Exactly my thoughts." She admitted.

"How are things going with your undercover thing at Molly's?" Cassie asks earning a knowing look from Jay.

"You know I can't tell you, but I feel bad for Gabby. I hate going behind her back like this." Jay says getting an eye roll from Cassie.

"But in the end you're helping her. Everything with this Arthur guy will be over and she'll have her bar back. I think she'll get over it." Cassie says diverting her attention to her phone which pinged with a text. A text from Erin.

Frowning and picking up her phone, she looked back at Jay who waved her off.

"Go. If you need anything, reach out. Love you Cas." Jay says standing with her and giving her a brief hug.

"Will do, love you too." Cassie said with an eye roll and exiting the diner.

To say Cassie had anxiety would be an understatement. She hasn't talked to Erin in over 6 months, and now she's reaching out. Cassie replied to her first message as she left the diner, but nothing prepared her for Erin's response.

Erin: "I'm at your apartment. Where are you?"

Cassie: "On my way. Had a breakfast with a friend. 3 minutes out, sit tight?

Erin: "I let myself in."

Cassie never bothered to take the notes off her kitchen island. They were reminders as to why she stayed. If Erin found those...God, Cassie really hoped she hadn't.

"Hey," Cassie announced as she walked into her apartment with her voice immediately trailing off at the sight.

Freezing in her doorway, she was starting to feel the same exact way she did when she last saw him. Trembling and on the verge of collapsing.

"Cassidy." She heard as she watched the man she once considered her father turn around, with a paper in hand. Jeez where was Jay when she needed him.

"I uh, I thought you weren't getting out for another few days..." Cassie managed to say as she got herself to move. Slowly walking over to her kitchen island, where two of the five notes were opened. Shakily setting her keys down on the countertop, she looked up finally seeing Erin.

"Got out on good behavior. I guess it could be considered the easy way out. You know how that works, don't you?" Her father asked raising the note in his hand slightly to show he was using it as an example. He was using her weakness against her.

Cassie, visibly shaking now, turned her attention back to Erin who was wiping tears from her eyes. Yeah Cassie wasn't going to be able to get through this sober. Turning around quickly and grabbing the bottle of liquor she hasn't touched since the night she wrote those notes, she quickly got the cap off and drank straight from the bottle.

"Cassie, it's 11 a.m," Erin said finally speaking up.

"Well. It's 5 o'clock somewhere." Cassie said chuckling and taking another drink. Finally setting the cap-less bottle on the counter, Cassie made her way out of the kitchen and into her living room.

"If either of you would like a drink, help yourselves. You're pretty good at that right? Helping yourselves?" Cassie asked almost furiously and sitting on her couch. She did not do all this work for the last 5 months for it all to go down the drain the second they come back. Jay would be proud right?

"What are you doing?" Hank finally asked as he watched his daughter.

"Waiting for the lecture." She said sighing and earning a scoff from both of them.

"Cassidy, what the hell is this?" He finally asked grabbing one of the chairs and sitting it across from Cassie who's on the couch.

"A letter." She said belching and looking over to Erin who hasn't moved.

"Come sit. We're having a family reunion, or just reunion since I'm not considered family."

"Cassie, if you need help why didn't you reach out." Erin said finally walking over to them.

"I was told that I actually wasn’t allowed to do that.” Cassie said pressing her lips into a line.

“Do not play that card. You know if you ever needed help, we would’ve been there in a heartbeat.” Her father said sternly.

“Yeah. Right. Also those are from a few months ago, so if you guys had a plan to try and talk me off the brink of suicide, you're a little too late." Cassie said a matter of factly with a shrug.

“Cassie this isn’t some joke, you need help.” Erin said earning a scoff from Cassie.

“You know what? Screw you guys. You do not just get to break into my apartment, dig into my personal belongings, and then lecture me about how i’ve lived my life since you’ve been out of it.” Cassie now said with tears running down her face.

“You’re right. We’re sorry.” Is all her father said on the matter leaving an uncomfortable silence between the three of them.

Rolling her eyes at his apology Erin moves to sit next to Cassie. Taking a breath, Erin touches the side of Cassie’s face, wiping a tear out from under her eye.

“We shouldn’t have opened the letters. It was an invasion of privacy and we had no right. But Cassie, the world would not be a better place without you.” Erin says crying completely now.

“Cassidy. I love you more than words would ever be able to describe. You’re a spitting image of your mother and that scares me. Especially after she passed, the way you talk, the way you dress, even the way you style your hair is just like Camille. I was a coward, and I shut you out. I dove head first into work. I expected too much from you, and I’m sorry. You were right about Justin, he did need help, and you opened my eyes. We came here to apologize, Cas. I would’ve came sooner but I figured with me in prison and you needing time…I thought it would be better this way. You will always be apart of this family if you like it or not. Family does not turn their backs on each other, and I did just that. It was wrong.” Trailing off with his words Cassie’s father hangs his head in shame. Cassie has never seen her father cry, and probably never will. But this is pretty close to it.

“I can’t just forgive you guys like that.” Cassie admits stubbornly. “But I appreciate the apologies.” She adds again looking at the ceiling.

“That’s fine. It’s a start. How about you come over for Sunday dinner?” Erin asks combing Cassie’s hair with her fingers again.

“So you don’t feel left out, we haven’t had it in a few months. With Justin and I locked up…” Hank trails off looking at his daughters.

“I’d like that.” Cassie says taking a breath. She never thought she’d see the day they made up. Hell, the Cassie 5 months ago never thought she’d see any day again. But thanks to Jay, she’s still here. Alive and well. Shit, Jay. She’s really going to have to fill him in tomorrow.

The next few shifts at the firehouse were bearable. Yeah the silent treatments and the whispers were a little annoying, but what was she going to do? Her father is her father, she can’t hate him forever. Sorry Casey.

“How are they allowing him back out on the streets, let alone allowing him to run a special unit for the CPD? He’s a dirty cop, and he’s dangerous. He hates Antonio yet tried to recruit him for this and-”

“Gabby, there’s nothing I can do. If anyone hates him it’s me, trust me. But there’s nothing we can do.” Is all Matt says in response.

“I don’t know how Cassie can just let him back in her life like that though. He put you through hell-”

“Sorry Gabby, but i’m not going to never talk to my father again just because he had a fight with Matt Casey.” Cassie interrupts walking into the locker room.

“Well it was more than a fight, he harassed Matt for weeks,”

“And how do you think he treated my ex boyfriends? The man will do anything for his kids, even if it isn’t the right thing. I get that he put you through hell Matt, I really do and I’m sorry. But I did my time. I didn’t have any contact with my family for 6 months while I stood by you with that report, so sue me for eventually making up with my father. Now I would appreciate it if the whispers, and looks of resentment or pity would end, and you guys would stop having my families name in your mouth.” Cassie says leaving the other two in the locker room flabbergasted as she walked out.

The next day when Cassie was off shift and meeting Jay for their daily coffees, to her surprise Jay was there before her.

“Good-morning sunshine, you’re not late today!” Cassie congratulated as she slid into the booth across from Jay.

“Gabby’s not happy with you.” Is all he says with a sly smirk making Cassie roll her eyes.

“Oh boy!” She says with fake enthusiasm as she thanks the waitress for her coffee.

“Yep. Gabby also found out i’ve been undercover this whole time.” He admits anxiously looking at Cassie.

“Oh. You really like her, huh?”

“You jealous?”

“Absolutely not.” Cassie says unconvincingly as she sips her coffee.

“I have to meet Arthur in an hour, I’m hoping this will be the last time and I’ll be able to get a confession for the Game Day fire.” Jay says like he’s stalling.

“That’s good.” Cassie hums skeptically, not really caring about this whole undercover operation anymore.

“But Cas, um, your father reached out to me.” Jay finally admits catching Cassie’s attention for real now.

“Oh? What did he want?” Cassie asked suspiciously.

“He said you mentioned me. Said that made him look into my background and he wants to recruit me for this Intelligence Unit he’s starting at my district.” Jay says with his eyes not leaving Cassie’s.

“Wow, that’s, good? That’s an upgrade from organized crime right?” Cassie asks not sure if Jay is happy or not.

“Yeah, yes. It is.”

“Are you going to do it?”

“I don’t know. Should I? I mean, I don’t know much about him as a cop besides rumors and what you’ve said.” Jay admits mindlessly stirring his coffee.

“He’s a good cop, he’s cleaned his act up since he went away from what I know. I know that he closes cases and puts the bad guys away. I don’t know much about his strategy, but I think it would be a good opportunity.” Cassie says honestly wanting the best for Jay.

“Okay. I’ll think about it some more. I have another question though,”

“Shoot.”

“What did you say about me?”

“Well, this last Sunday we had our first family dinner in God knows how long. I told him how you helped me get better. That you’re the only reason I’m still here today and that I value our friendship a lot.” Cassie said placing her hand on Jay’s on their table.

“You’re my best friend, Cas. You know that right?” Jay says with a smile.

“Oh don’t get all gushy on me, Halstead. But you’re my best friend too.” Cassie says with a reassuring nod at the man in front of her.

link to pt. 2

tagging: @rockyhayzkid

#one chicago #chicago fire #chicago med x reader #chicago med one shot #chicago med series #chicago med fanfiction #chicago med #chicago pd x reader #chicago pd one shot #chicago pd x OC #chicago pd series #chicago pd fanfic #chicago pd #matt casey #matt casey chicago fire #gabby dawson #hank voight daughter #cassie voight #hank voight #jay halstead bff #jay halstead #erin lindsay #erin lindsay sister

[saintqueer]

I'm sorry you got harassed again just from a simple post with a (imo pretty valid) opinion. If that person is the same that answered your post by reblogging and repplying on their blog with unnecessary hate (apparently queer but a solo louie) then it's the one I just blocked. I love to currate my experience in this fandom. Anyway I just wanted to say, I used to love your posts in this fandom! I lost track of your blog and thought you'd disappeard. I'm glad to see you're still on Tumblr and enjoying other fandoms. I'm well aware of how toxic this fandom can get (between the hets, the solos often queer themselves but hating on queer larries and more, to many groups to count tbh, louis' attitude on social media ect), especially when you dare to voice an opinion, which I'm mostly don't lol. I'm staying for the art, the fics, the great memes and ofc the music and the people. You're "y'all" made me think 'I Hope she still got good times and friends out if it. I made some great friends in the larries bunch myself. Anyway sorry for the rant, I lost track of what was my point here. Just was happy to see you pop on my dash through a mutual and wanted to say so I guess?? So once again thank you for the fun times I had reading your posts back in the days; have a great time out here, enjoying your favs fandoms, you do you! Sending love xx

so i was trying to avoid posting any anons regarding prev fandom discourse but i opened this one and read it through and it was just so amazing i had to respond, not just in tags 🥹🥹

of course, it's lovely to hear that you liked my posts on fandom back in the day etc but what really got me was when you wanted to make sure i still got good times and friends out of it, that nearly made me cry

because YEAH I FUCKING DID 🥺😩🥺🥹🥲

blue ( @wastelandbabyblue ) is literally one of the coolest people i've ever known while also being one of the kindest and funniest. id literally kill to meet her one day in person. i still keep up with brenda and several others i met in her og discord, some of which are the only remaining 1d fandom blogs i still follow here - they are so kind and funny and i still talk to them occasionally in a fandom discord i stayed in because i didn't want to lose touch with them.

and 🥹🥹🥹

i met 8 of who i would consider my closest friends in the whole world through fandom. through the most insane wild and unruly fandom discord drama, i literally located my found family: wedo, nino, iza, katja, olia, hanis, chloe, and su

we talk everyday still even though we live all over the world and we talk about nearly everything except fandom nowadays and they've helped me survive living day to day through some of the worst moments of my life. i don't know what i'd do if i didn't have them in my life

last night, i had a bit of a shame spiral thinking about all the time energy money i devoted to the 1d fandom. i felt embarrassed for being so loud about something that ended in so much disappointment. it wasn't fun and i know it was probably triggered by being involved in some discussions i hadn't been in so long

so when i opened this ask, anon, it reminded me so much that whatever was lost from that time, so much more was gained. the embarrassment of remembering dancing around like a fool with a rainbow flag for someone who couldn't even say something as simple as "look at all those colors" pales in comparison to the lifelong friendship i gained with these 8 beautiful women all across the globe

nothing will ever compare to the people i met and the way they feel closer to family than any of my blood ever felt

i'm glad that you found so much goodness as well and thank you for reminding me that it was all worth it for what i got

#anon

[rulerzreachf4n7]

I hate how people who don't ship Huntlow make it like this extremely stupid and unnecessary ship that makes zero sense and everything about it is terrible and it's forced and bland and overall a shitty ship

And today lady's and gentlemen, non binary folks in the back, is the day I prove them all wrong >:3!!!

A brief disclaimer, I am not nor do I consider myself a toxic shipper, I am just simply stating why the reasons don't make any sense in my eyes, so please don't come at me for my opinion

And with that let's get to the reasons!

Terrible first impression

Hunter got a crush on her too quickly

It's forced and rushed

No chemistry

Willow only serves Hunter for support

They're better off as friends

Okay so right off the bat if you've ever watched any episode containing Hunter and Willow you'd know all of these reasons are fucking stupid

Recently on my first post made on Tumblr was a TON ship rating, and some dumb fuck gave me attitude and said "girlie, have you ever been in the fandom?" And I was like thinking to myself, yes bitch ever since 2021, I don't really have time to respond to people in my inbox cause I'm not looking to fight with some bitch on the internet for my opinion, and I just went through their profile a bit and found a post either they made or reblogged about how Huntlow is supposedly "unrealistic" and I didn't even finish it due to how dumb the reasons were, which are the ones on the top that I remembered.

1. Terrible first impression

I actually hate it how they make it out that they met soooo terribly, cause if I remembered correctly in ASIAS how they met is Hunter being chased by puddles and Willow yanking him down with a vine, automatically making it so terrible and making her soooooo damn unlikeable, may i remind you this barley had an affect on Hunter, he was just scared and confused for like one second of the episode then just leaving Willow until he saw the pamphlet say "the best and the brightest" which lead him to join the Emerald Entrails, yet again, sure, their first encounter isn't a good one but Lumity's first impression was by Amity deadass shaking Luz back and forth, both equally terrible first impression yet the both ships still come to be canon >:3

2. Hunter had a crush on Willow the moment they met/too easily

I ABSOLUTELY FUCKING HATE THIS REASON, they keep on overexaggerating their interactions, cause first of all, no, he didn't develop a crush on Willow on the spot, most likely in between Reaching Out and Kings tide, although Hunter isn't in Reaching Out he's only shown talking to Luz through Penstegram, and how they think Hunter already had a crush is by, I'm assuming, in ASIAS in the ending where Hunter saves the Emerald Entrails and Willow says "cmon guys, we need to find a replacement, after all, it's only 52 weeks before Caleb's next day off" while smiling, and Hunter blushes slightly, automatically that's a red flag cause I absolutely hate it when people think blushing is only exclusive to romantic attraction, IT'S GETTING ON MY DAMN NERVES, the most realistic reason to why he'd blush is he was probably embarrassed/flustered that Willow would still let him be in the team after nearly kidnapping them to be in the Emperor's Coven.

3. It's forced/rushed

Omg, y'all, you can uncancel your show now!! NO YOU DUMB FUCK YOU CAN'T, SORRY POOKIE DANA CAN'T BE MAKING EVERY EPISODE ABOUT HUNTLOW IF YOU WANT IT TO BE MORE NATURAL SO DAMN BADLY, it's not rushed, in my opinion it's not rushed at all, with how much time skips there are (like the one in TTT, the four year time skips, and the one with Hunter and Willow chatting on Penstegram) it's kinda up to the viewers imagination to realize it's a lot of time they'd have together, and it's not forced, that's the equivalent to you saying gustholomule and aladarius and veesha are forced ships cause they don't interact much together, and like half of the TOH community who don't ship Huntlow and use that excuse most likely ship one of those three ships, fucking hypocrites 🖕

4. No chemistry

Y know maybe, JUST MAYBE, I might be pulling out every damn interaction that they have together...yeah...IMA DO IT BITCH!!!!

They're first interaction is in Any Sport In a Storm where Hunter is pulled down by vines by Willow after he got chased by Puddles, Viney's pet...? I think it's a pet, she calls him an assistant though lol. Hunter uses the fake persona, with the help of Flapjack, (and may he slay in peace with Caleb and Evelyn) of Caleb Jasper Bloodwilliams, Hunter isn't interested in flyer derby until it says it'll attract the best and the brightest, they go on to talk about it for a few seconds, then leave

This isn't a really romantic interaction, more just letting these two characters interact for the first time

A while passes and Hunter shows of his cool as fuck flying skills as Gus and Willow hand out pamphlets to the crowds of teens, as Hunter finishes Willow introduces him to the team, Gus, Viney, Skara, and Willow as herself, Hunter is obviously disappointed given they look like they don't have any experience, leading him to walk away and argue with Willow, calling them loosers, and calling himself a half a witch

THIS PART IS VERY IMPORTANT!!! people tend to misunderstand this part, mainly because Hunter isn't a witch he's a grimwalker, but may I remind you this was made before Hollow Mind, he's convinced he's a powerless witch and not good enough LIKE WILLOW, IT DOES NOT HAVE ANY THING REMOTELY TO DO WITH BEING ROMANTIC, IT'S A SIMILARLY!!!

They go on to do the game and obviously win it because of Hunter, and in the part where he was grabbing the flags from Willow people said that he supposedly "wanted to hold hands with her" which is obviously not even true, there's nothing to back this up, and coming from Huntlow shippers too, thought y'all were better than this

Then Hunter goes on to say he misunderstood them and apologized, then to revealing himself as the Golden Guard and the scouts coming to take them away, which leaves Willow to realize she made a mistake

When she's in the cell she says she's made a mistake and calls herself "half a witch Willow" for letting Hunter onto the team

Hunter is obviously regretting this decision while talking to Steve, Steve saying "Steve is beginning to regret his choices" and Hunter says "I think Hunter is too", which he gets on Flapjack to try and save all of them

He stands in front of the team and admits to Darius that they're unfit for the coven and that HUNTER HIMSELF isn't worthy of being the Golden Guard, (now realizing how fucked up that is oh my Titan), Hunter let's Willow and the rest go, which Willow says "cmon guys, we need to find a replacement, after all, it's only 52 weeks before Caleb's next day off" and Hunter blushes slightly

This interaction isn't really much romantic other than Hunter saving Willow and the rest

They're next interaction is Labyrinth Runners where Hunter and Gus meet the illusion of Willow, but Hunter obviously knows this isn't here by first of all, calling Gus "Augustus", and the weird little noise she made at the end (idk wtf it's even called) Hunter knows it's not her because of the way the scout acts, Hunters known Willow for at least a few weeks depending how regularly Hunter texts Willow and when he first started to chat,

Hunter then goes unconscious by the guards and wakes up in the Healing Homeroom, explaining to principle Bump that he's not with the Emperor's coven, talking about the sandwich Gus gave him, showing him around hexside and trying to find the others, and most importantly the breathing technique Willow showed Gus in the beginning of Labyrinth Runners, immediately cutting off Hunter and convincing Bump to let Hunter stay

This interaction could possibly be romantic if you interpret that way by Hunter knowing Willow seemingly very well, kinda like a strangers to friends to lovers typa troupe

Their next interaction is in Clouds on the Horizon, although not talking they show extreme care for one another, while under Gus' spell, Hunter (looking like Luz) tackles Willow to the ground with his dashing powers to save Willow, also when Luz (looking like Hunter) gets captured by Kiki. She's enraged and darting at Kiki but that stupid bitch hid behind Luz forcing Willow to stop, as Luz gets captured Willow is in a rush, panic, and hurry to save Hunter, or so she thinks it's Hunter

No, just because it's not Hunter doesn't mean she doesn't care, she thought it was him, and by her actions she cares along about him! Which makes this possibly or already romantic, they're care for each other is a romantic aspect that could be easily be seen in any type of relationship, whether it be fictional or not

The next interaction is in Thanks to Them, Willow cuts Hunters hair, Hunter is flustered s bit and blushing at Willow, a common sign for CRUSHES IN PEOPLE, they tend to be nervous or anxious around the people they like, so this interaction just reeks of romance, when they're gonna search town Hunter gets in a Cosmic Frontier cosplay, which Willow shuts Amity the fuck up, complimenting Hunter on his outfit, implying she doesn't see anything wrong with it, before they leave Willow says after Hunters done reading Cosmic Frontier she'd like to borrow and read it, making Hunter blush, a sign of having a crush with the context of the moment

Then at the end of Thanks to them after the possession Hunter let's Willow craddle his head, obviously in need of some type if comfort

Not really romantic just fucking sad cause Flapjack died, and may he slay in peace

The next interaction is in FTF where Willow tries to find her dads and Hunter has to take her away or get risked by getting seen by the collector and turned into a puppet

Not much to say other than Hunter doesn't want Willow to get hurt and get collected

When they're in hexside Willow hands Hunter a flyer derby card with him and Flapjack, since Hunter is now showing more strong emotions he's not sure how to react to it, even though he's thankful, which leads Willow to thinking she made Hunter sad and left in a hurry, leading to her breakdown

As Hunter hears Willow self deprecate on herself by saying she's a half a witch and can't control her magic, Hunter immediately snaps and uses his Flapjack powers to cut through the vines and comfort Willow, LEGITIMATELY SAYING HE CARES ABOUT WILLOW, NOT JUST GUS, WILLOW, and saving them both from the cave thingy, dunno what it is

This whole scene reeks of romance and that both Willow and Hunter care deeply about each other, WHICH IS MOST COMMONLY ROOTED IN RELATIONSHIPS

Willow also says in the end of FTF whole doing the little pinky holding with Hunter "Thanks Hunter, you mean a lot to me too" which Hunter replies "Sure...no problem"

And that my friends, is all of their interactions

NOW THE NEXT FUCKING REASON DAMMIT I HAVE SO MUCH TO TYPE

5. Willows only there to be a supportive character

That's...thats literally her fucking personality, granted not her whole personality but it consists of her being the reliable friend for the hexsquad, the group wouldn't exist without her, and she's not just here for "comfort" but this is about Huntlow and not Willow so you can do that analysis on your own time XD

6. They're better off as friends

Well...if you just read my whole entire analysis of they're interactions then no...I don't think they'd be better off as friends... 0_0

AND THAT IS IT MY LADY'S AND GENTLEMEN, NON BINARY FOLKS IN THE BACK YOU TOO, I AM FUCKING TIRED Y'ALL 😭😭😭💀💀💀

#the owl house #toh #huntlow #my posts:3

[ro-is-struggling]

Anxiety || TASM!Peter Parker x Reader

Pairing: TASM!Peter Parker x Reader (I wrote this with Andrew's Peter Parker in mind because I’m in my Andrew Garfield era but you can imagine the other Spideys if you want, it’s not too specific)

Warnings: mentions of anxiety and insecurities (nothing too graphic), Peter being a loving supportive boyfriend. I think that’s all but if I missed anything let me know!

Word count: 1200+

Summary: Peter comforts you after you had a bad day.

English is not my first language so there could be a lot of grammar mistakes in this. Also I wrote it on the bus on my way back home so it could be a mess. 

Notes: okay so I have social anxiety and yesterday I had to do a presentation in class. I was terrified but it went well for the most part. The thing is that on my way home my stupid brain tried to convince otherwise so to distract myself I wrote this little thing. I wasn't going to post this but then I thought maybe there could be someone out there who needs to read this as much as I needed to write it at that time. So here it is. Enjoy and remember: you are doing great and Peter loves you and is really proud of you!

I hope you like it! Likes, comments or reblogs are very much appreciated!

"Hey, I'm home" you announced as you closed the front door of the apartment you shared with your boyfriend. Peter was home. There was light coming out of the living room which meant that he had not left to patrol the streets of New York as his alter ego yet. As you tossed your keys on the small table on the entryway you thanked the universe for his presence. You needed him. There was nothing you wanted more than to hide in the warmth of his embrace and forget about the world outside. 

The journey back to your house from class had been exhausting. A mere 15 minutes separated your apartment from the place you studied at, but that was more than enough time for your mind to upset you, your brain overthinking even the stupidest things. You spent the whole trip trapped with that damn voice in your head that always ruined your moments of peace and quiet. That voice that always told you that you weren't enough, that everybody hated you and made fun of you, that you fucked everything up and all you did was embarrass yourself every time you opened your mouth. You knew that it was all lies, nothing more than your fears and insecurities talking, but it was hard not to listen to them. Impossible to ignore without a distraction to help you bury it in the depths of your mind. 

That's why you were filled with joy when you saw Peter's head poking through the hallway. You threw your backpack to the ground and ran to him with open arms.

"I missed you too, ladybug" he mumbled into your hair, holding you close to him. "How was class?"

"Fine, I guess" you answered him half-heartedly, voice muffled by his chest. You didn't want to let go of him until his good humor rubbed off on you and made you feel better.

"You're gonna have to speak up if you want me to hear you, bug" Peter said pulling away from you. You huffed in protest, pouting in hopes that it would be enough to convince him to wrap his arms around you again. But your efforts were in vain.

"We can hug all you want later, I went patrolling in the afternoon so we could spend the night together" he explained, taking you by the shoulders to put some distance between the two of you. "What happened?"

Of course he knew something was wrong with you! He knew you better than anyone. He could guess your humor with a quick look into your eyes. It was scary sometimes how good he was at reading your body language. But for the most part you were grateful because he helped you open up about your problems.

“Nothing" you said trying to avoid the embarrassing conversation that was coming. You thought about lying to him, but when you saw the look on his face you knew it wasn't worthy. "I had to give a presentation in front of the whole class. I was nervous about it but the teacher passed me."

"Really? That's great, bug! I'm so proud of you" Peter cheared. He knew about your social anxiety, about how difficult it was for you to do mundane things such as speak up in class or order food. He always noticed when you were uncomfortable and tried to help you in any way he could. But he also encouraged you to go out of your comfort zone even if it was in small things. Peter was a great guy to have around in stressful times. He always knew what to say or do to silence that voice in your head that didn't let you live your life in peace.

"Yeah, I thought so too. I got a couple of things wrong but the teacher was really nice about it."

"So what's the matter then?" he asked you, looking at you with a soft gaze.

"You know how I get" you answered with a shrug, avoiding his eyes. You were embarrassed that such a normal thing like talking in class was causing so much trouble. "I started overthinking on the way home... Thinking about how stupid I must have looked with my face all red or how my voice sounded funny and now I feel weird. I just want to forget it all."

Peter moved a little closer to you. One of his hands traveled up to your chin, lifting your face to force you to look at him. Your eyes focused on the wall behind him and the light on the ceiling before settling on his face. You felt stupid and you were almost afraid to look him in the eye because you knew he would be able to read what was going through your mind without you having to say it. Peter was patient, waiting silently for you to decide to look at him before speaking.

“You are one of the smartest people that I know, bug. You got a good grade and that is all you should care about. No one laughed at you or thought you were dumb. Everybody makes mistakes and gets nervous during those things, it’s normal. I promise you no one cared.” 

His voice was soft and in his eyes you could see all the love he felt for you. He was willing to repeat phrases like that for the rest of his life if it made you feel better. Just thinking about it brought tears to your eyes. You were so grateful to Peter for everything he did for you. You would never be able to put into words the love you felt for him. It was amazing how a couple of words could silence all the doubts in your head when they came from him. He had a power over you that no one else had ever had before, and as much as it scared you a little at times, you were grateful. You could trust Peter with your life, you were sure of that.

“You’re right,” you nodded.

“Of course I’m right! I’m dating the smartest and kindest girl in the entire world” he said with a grin. The cheerfulness in his voice made you smile for the first time since you left class. Peter admired the curve of your lips for a moment before leaning towards you, closing the small distance between the two of you. 

His lips crashed into yours in a tender kiss full of love. You moved in synchrony, enjoying the sweet taste of each other. Peter cupped your face to pull you even closer to him and sucked in your bottom lip, making you gasp in pleasure. All your worries disappeared as you melted into his arms, reveling in the warmth of his body. The world around you ceased to exist, all you could focus on was his soft lips moving against yours and the way his fluffy hair felt under your hands. 

When you finally pulled away you were filled with calmness, remembering that everything would be okay as long as Peter was by your side. It was you and him against the world and you were more than okay with that. He was your rock, the person that always grounded you and you were so grateful to the universe for crossing your paths.

“Now, how about some dinner? I cooked us something” Peter announced after catching his breath.

“You cooked something?” you asked, looking at him with a raised eyebrow. He wasn’t very good at cooking, he was far too clumsy and forgetful to be able to prepare something edible.

“I ordered it, but I put it on plates! Doesn't the presentation count for something?”

“Of course it does, bug boy!” you laughed. “Now let's go eat, I’m starving!”

#tasm!peter parker x reader #tasm peter parker x female reader #andrew garfield!peter parker x reader #andrew garfield!spider man x reader #the amazing spider man x reader #spider man x reader #peter parker x reader #the amazing spider man

[pebblysand]

aren't you embarrassed to be a fan of something written by a transphobic antisemite

okay. i deleted the previous anons relating to this earlier today and didn't respond when they were outright death threats/hate accusing me of transphobia, sent to me all afternoon simply because i got called an "adult HP fan" by OP (for context, see here). truth is: i didn't want to show what "side" this hate was coming from. i think it's very detrimental to the cause, and actually harms trans people at large. this being said, i've fucking had it now, so i will respond.

first of all (and this is anecdotal, at this point), i fucking stand by what i said this afternoon about the original post. the post itself was fucking ludicrous. it meant nothing, was the epitome of someone trying to sound clever using words that held absolutely no substance in context (which is elitist and nauseating), was deeply ignorant and demeaning of an art form that has existed for centuries, and the author was incredibly hypocritical in their response to the backlash they received - not only from myself but from other creators. the fact that i've been receiving hate from their followers all afternoon and that "adult HP fan" was the only actual "argument" they could come back with actually proves my point. cleary, i have hit a nerve, lol.

obviously, as someone who has an entire podcast dedicated to the art and craft of fanfiction, the fact that these ignorant opinions "exposing" fanfiction as a "lesser" art form that "missed the boat on narrative multivalence" (whatever the fuck that means?) are still getting posted and reblogged on tumblr (of all places) is truly incredible. a friend of mine (who i'm not going to tag here because i don't want them to get hate), likened it to: going to Disney and saying all the people there are stupid and not doing their vacation right. While they themselves are at Disney. how's that for "complex figurative language," eh?

secondly (and most importantly, in my opinion), you and your idiotic friends think you're fighting the good fight, right? congratulations on your moral high ground. i have news for you: there are few things more harmful to the trans cause & community than sending death threats/hate to people on the internet. it makes you sound insane. and, you know who wants to make you sound insane? fucking transphobes.

this type of behaviour is so harmful to the trans community. it is so harmful to trans activists around the world who try and make educated, well-articulated points that support trans rights as basic human rights. (which, for the record, they are). and, as someone who does actually support the community, nothing makes me angrier than getting this sort of hate online. because, what if i didn't support the community? you think all the death threats and hate i've been receiving all afternoon would change that? you are not doing anything, here, to support the trans community. you are actually harming it by cheapening and endangering the point that countless people are trying so hard to make to our people and government. and, for what? to suit your own sense of righteousness and entitlement. it makes me sick. and, you should be embarrassed and ashamed of yourself.

this is the bloody reason trans rights aren't progressing. because for every death threat and hate comment there is a bigot at the other end who uses those to "prove" that trans people are crazy and a menace to society. i am beyond furious at this. and, here i am, deleting half the hate i got this afternoon because i don't want to harm the cause by posting it. because i tell myself that posting it will be one more "proof" for the bigots to latch on. fuck you.

this is revolting and fucking disgusting.