#Blood quantum is weird guys

[rhaenin-time]

Being a native who's studied colonialism means that I know wayyyyy too much about blood quantum. I know how stupid it is, how it's tied to eugenics, but I also know how it "works."

Which means I can use my stupid-power to do this:

Well this took a turn.

#hotd #asoiaf #hotd critical #house of the dragon #team black #rhaenyra targaryen #asoiaf fandom #hotd sexism #anti team green #fire and blood #hotd racism #asoiaf racism #asoiaf bastards #asoiaf sexism #lucerys velaryon #Prince Aegon Waters #Lord Aemond Waters #Princess Helaena Waters #Blood quantum is weird guys #hotd bastards #also i don't get what kind of 'colour blindness' hbo is going for and I think they don't know either which is a problem #Lord Waters #Prince Waters #vaemond velaryon #daemon targeryan #Mother of Waters

[unproduciblesmackdown]

reading the end of hiagb made me realize that when following along live i'd read a lot more of it than i thought and it's fun that it's overarchingly how a nut and a bug launched into space b/c of being sick of the world & into a temple at the edge of time & not-actually-infinite versions of themselves re: every [alternate timeline based on different choices/possibilities] can coexist in the same world with every bug tasked w/launching every nut back to the temple for reasons re: maintaining things and all the looping is disrupted by one bug who dated their nut and another bug whose quantum leap error was rectified by being teleported into another nut. the One System Error in an iterative process, one organic Idk Things Just Went Differently This Time As They Always Could've But Maybe Otherwise Virtually Never Did And That's Enough "that's / [one is] all it takes" vs "it's all the same / what's the diff" loops. no rules

#i think the especial endzone / finale aligned w/my being offline for like 5 mo's.... #as well as how reading along had made it like ''ok it's been Years so i don't remember all the stuff from having not reread it'' lol #also the bug whose quantum leap error was rectified by their living in another nut's head trying to run interference to keep both alive.... #and in the middle a lot of small Episodes. i felt like i got the ending here better than i did re: back lol #it also reminds me that [idk there could be a lot of Layers of larger/smaller worlds within worlds again] #And [weird really specific ass off the shits situations could be literal] as they were here. scratching my head abt the links b/w abigails #slightly scratching my head abt events here too but that's fine. like oh no there could be details better strung together than w/e i manage #my Win while coughing up blood trying to spontaneously speak to kc green was to announce i read ''hiagb'' phonetically. heeyaghbuh. #i mean it was overall fine i'm sure lmao sweating one's like [oh jeez. couldn't play it cool & ''winningest off the cuff exchange w/a rando #that anyone could ever have'' achievement] like ah it's whatevs. awkward being on either side lol we do what we can #i also never decided whether to think of ''crange'' as like hypothetical carefully pronounced ''orange'' or like ''strange'' #end up reading it as the latter. never ended up thinking of emerson bartender as a particular gender though i think they're vaguely A Guy #some more uhh grounded panels featured here lmao. not representative of the usual elevation. or is it??? #a bit but not in all ways. there are like a half dozen sphincter related points #anyways i'm shouting out the concept of the just one that goes differently. one little glitch in the mundane system (both/all are you)

[el-im]

Killin' Time - June 18, 1958 (1992) dir. Michael Watkins

I zigged when I should have zagged, that’s all. 

#sputnik mention <3 #ql #GOOSHIE AGAIN?! HELLO??? #im being spoiled w all this lab content i fucking love him #the corporal w a 'mclaughlin' nametag... i am starting directly into the camera. #this is the cutest sam has looked in a long time but . i gotta say. having the lab part kind of loses something #i really liked having al explain whats going on in the lab #seeing it myself doesn't quite. feel the same #not as interesting #'you cant go after him' 'why not' 'because this guy's a cold blooded killer and i need you here with me!!' #'time and space can be a bitch' GOOSHIE?!!! #'i guess ziggy didnt do a very good job of syncing our brain waves' #'ill take that as a compliment' #this ep is fucking weird #very... blade runner. #ok well this was fucking weird. #aliens??????????? #quantum leap

[eddtollett]

On your post about your Nettles theory, you put that Dany is more Dornish than Valyrian? I’m wondering how that’s possible when her parents were siblings & in her family tree there’s more targs than anything.

hi! that's a great question, so to come to this conclusion we have to go back even before myriah martell

DISCLAIMER: 50% of a child's genome is from each parent respectively but crossing over means that the 50% is completely random. so the conclusion that dany is more dornish that valyrian is likely considering her family line, but through some insane chance she can actually be carrying more of that valyrian dna than statistically she should. genetics are weird

i am also not here to promote blood quantum. blood quantum is stupid. but this is a fictional character with themes of blood purity in her family, and so here we will use a very simplified version of it to show how they cringefailed at that:

alright. so, let's first be very generous and assume that every targaryen pre-conquest was full blooded 100% valyrian. lets assume, too, that the velaryons are 100% valyrian. (this is even more generous)

that gets you some full valyrian targaryens down to viserys i. now, since aemma arryn is 50% targaryen, lets say the genetic material ends up roughly even, making rhaenyra 75% valyrian. she then marries daemon, who we'll call 100% valyrian, has 2 kids, again using our previous assumption, aegon iii and viserys ii should be around 87.5% valyrian. pretty high. let's keep going.

viserys ii marries larra rogare, an old valyrian family, lets call her 100% valyrian, gets aegon iv, aemon, and naerys to 93.75% valyrian. sounds like their blood purity thing is going pretty well. daeron ii ends up roughly the same, since, yknow. sibling parents.

but wait! what's this! myriah martell coming in with the steel chair! myriah being 0% valyrian knocks her and daeron ii's kids down to 46.875% valyrian. (because she contributes 50% of the genetic material, there is no way that the kids can be over 50% valyrian, even with random crossing over.) since dorne is multiethnic and we have next to no info on the martell family tree (and when we do it seems they married dornish, typically), let's just call myriah's contribution to her kids' genes 50% dornish (which includes rhoynar, first men, AND andal blood with all likelihood). (that roughly 3% remaining is valeman andal, wayyyy back from aemma arryn. these guys are so much worse than the hapsburgs)

okay, so maekar i is 46.875% valyrian and 50% dornish. already, the dornish is beating valyrian out. and what does maekar i do? he goes and marries dyanna dayne, a dornishwoman! let's call her 100% dornish as well, again recognizing that dorne is a genetic mix, but what's really important here is that it is not valyrian. 50/50 split the genes: ~23.4% valyrian and 75% dornish for mr egg aegon v. yeah.

and then, egg doesn't marry valyrian either. he marries betha blackwood, who is of first men and andal blood. so we can slash both valyrian and dornish in half for their kids, getting us to 11.7% valyrian and 37.5% dornish.

since every generation after that leading up to dany are full blood siblings, these ratios stay (hypothetically) roughly the same.

i suppose you could say that if each sibling pair contributed every little bit of their valyrian genetic material we could get dany up to 46.8%, but that's... pretty unlikely. it could get magnified, sure, but to that degree would be some wack genetic chance.

but there are your upper and lower limits for how valyrian daenerys' genome is: 11.7-46.8%

and there you have it! that's how dany can end up with more genetic material from her dornish ancestors than her valyrian ones. she probably has more first men in her genome than anything else because of dyanna and betha, with a good dose of andal, and rhoynar maybe equalling her valyrian.

the inbreeding in recent generations of targaryens has screwed them over a bit, since, without new genetic valyrian material, those 3 successive generations of non-valyrian marriages edged out that blood of old valyria. epic win

#answered

[pair-of-doxes]

Sans has the energy of an isekai protagonist. He's not even from Undertale. He's literally just a guy surrounded by mystery forced upon him

Hes trying so hard to keep up with everything going on by gathering as much intel as possible because he's still adjusting to this new and strange universe. He even studied quantum physics because of course its a real thing here.

Like. Imagine how he feels.

He wakes up one day in undertale and after a costume party, his brother wants to join the guard. A real guard. As in. There's a kingdom. In real life. A millenia old goat with a blood red trident is the king. Who personally trained a bloodthirsty fish lady who is the captain. Somehow his brother befriended her. They're making spaghetti. He also got Sans a job as a sentry through her.

She's in love with the royal scientist who frankensteined a bunch of monsters on the verge of death by using the mysterious properties of human souls. She's also the most normal out of everyone in this bizarre modern medieval cave. Most of her equipment is stuff she gathered from a dumpster.

That scientist made a living robot. Who is also the head of a major fashion brand and a TV star. His brother is all about his brand. Their burgers are made of sequins.

His brother has also befriended a talking flower. He's been making research with the royal scientist about timeline stuff because he's trying to find a way back home and that flower is a prime suspect.

His brother one day comes in with a lot of premonitions. Sans doesn't know if it's because of the flower or if he just woke up like that.

They have a dog now. It's vibrating and it teleports at random. His brother says it won't leave him alone. He has a feeling that it's somewhat divine. Papyrus dodges all of his questions by jumping out of a window. The window glass scatters inwards.

And then he meets a human. They're probably just as lost and confused as him, right?

Wrong. The human can bend time and space and has death defying stubbornness. Monsters are weak to intent. That human could singlehandedly eradicate all of them.

Even the lady behind the door is strange. She's the queen and lost her children in a tragedy. And now her children are haunting the narrative.

Is it really that weird then that he spends most of his time at Grillby's?

#dox.txt #undertale #sans #im thinking so much about this poor fucking guy #maybe hes not the weird one maybe undertale itself is just a fucking fever dream #lore musings #sans undertale

[blog-of-reaction]

ANTMAN AND THE WASP: QUANTUMANIA SPOILERS

More unasked for thoughts on this movie. (Except this time I remember to put it on my thoughts about movie/shows blog instead of my main)

I wish the og? Kang had survived. Like, I’m sure the other Kang’s are cool, but I really liked him as the villain. Also, with Kang being the big and of phase five. (Is it phase 4 or 5? I honestly don’t know.) with him being the big bad though, I can’t help but feel like killing off the Kang that literally all of the other Kang’s were so scared of they banished him to the quantum realm was a mistake. Like, they already (most likely) successfully took down him, how are other Kang’s who aren’t as scary going to feel like much of a threat?

Especially since there will be multiple. Like, I realize the Kang we’ve seen so far could be an outlier, but I’m not so sure they wont be able to be divided against each other. (Then again, them being divided against each other would most likely cause just as much if not more damage then them working together, given the whole monologue at the end of Loki.)

Also, Cassie was great and I love her.

I’m not necessarily an expert on Modok but I liked the what they did with him. Also, the part where Scott asked “Shouldn’t it be Modofk?” was perfect. Ive literally asked myself the same thing ever since he showed up in EMH.

I really liked the family dynamic they had in the movie.

Hope and Scott’s relationship actually had like, some real substance to it this time. Granted, it is very little but their romance is still much more believable than in the previous movies. (Which I mean the bar could not be lower there and it still feels a bit like “what?” but not as much as in the previous movies. Their relationship is mostly like, subtly implied and definitely supported and kind of lifted up via the overall family dynamic everyone had, but it still felt a bit forced at the end. I am slowly coming around to it maybe though? Like, I no longer passively dislike it. Instead I passively accept it.

The side characters were great, fun to see, and I loved them. I actually teared up when torture laser beam for a head guy was killed.

There were a few brilliant scenes that I especially enjoyed or found funny.

First off, like, just put yourself in Scott Lang’s shoes for a minute. All sorts of things weird unbelievable stuff has happened in your life and now you’re in the quantum realm and you lost sight of your daughter after being captured by these strange quantum realm people. And then when he finally sees her, he sees this teenage girl with what looks like blood dripping down her chin and she just cheerily says

“Drink the ooze!”

And then the camera cuts away. Hilarious.

“Those buildings are alive?!”

“What, are yours dead?” said with genuine concern. Beautiful.

The surprise actor for Chidi and pretty much everything when it came to his telepathy.

“How many holes do you?”

*excitedly after being shot a lot* “I HAVE HOLES” and then turning into a vacuum cleaner and just straight up going eldritch something on these guys

Also, Darren’s death. My response to that entire conversation was basically to laugh and ask myself what the fuck? I’m pretty sure Darren said some of that stuff just to mess with Scott but I’m not sure.

I want revenge and im going to kill you and your daughter! “You’re being a dick.” “Yeah but I don’t know what else to do.” “…just stop” great idea, thanks. And immediately doing a 180 and helping your previous sworn enemies.

Also, Kang was great, and a good villain and I was actually like, a bit scared of him. I mean, I still havent seen Wakanda Forever (I know and I hate that about me too) so I can’t comment on Namor and while Killmonger was a good MCU villain Kang is a good villain. And like, those are two very different things. So that was refreshing to see.

Back to Kang I don’t know how the rest of this phase will play out. Like, how will the, for lack of a better term, council of Kang, react and what will they do? Besides maybe destroying the multiverse according to prime Kang. (Speaking of, the Kang in this is just like, a younger version then the one that Sylvie killed in Loki right? It’s never outright stated but it seems pretty clear.)

#antman spoilers #antman and the wasp spoilers #antman and the wasp quantamania spoilers #quantumania spoilers #mcu spoilers #spoilers

[ladyimaginarium]

helloo, i hope its okay for me to send this here… but! i saw you made a post on @multiplicity-positivity and mentioned indigenous people with a low quantum bloodline, and it got me thinking.

my maternal grandfather was a member of the blackfeet (specifically aamsskáápipikani) nation. he was born and grew up there, but moved to florida in the 60s, where he met my grandma. i never met him (he died before i was born), but i heard a lot about him growing up. his name was something like “barking yellow coyote” but everyone called him frankie, and thats how hes referred to by my grandma when we talk about him.

no one in my family is very interested in connecting with our indigenous roots, and i never would have considered myself indigenous since my family is so white passing. my mom turned out pretty light skinned despite being mixed, and all of my siblings and i are very white. but ive always felt so pulled to the blackfeet nation for my whole life. i used to ask about my grandpa all the time, and even though ive never met him i feel so connected to him and ive always felt this drive to immerse myself in his culture and learn more about the blackfoot nation. i feel guilty about it though, since im basically white and i dont want to intrude in a space that isnt for me.

i guess what im wondering is… is it okay to want to connect with the blackfoot nation if i have never been to the actual reservation, and have never even met my only relative who was a full-blooded member? am i considered partially indigenous, and am i allowed to try and explore that aspect of my identity?

idk your post really spoke to me and so i wanted to reach out. im sorry if this is breaking any of your boundaries or something. if im being totally honest i didnt really check out your blog too much before i hit the ask button… you can just delete this if you’re uncomfortable responding. either way thanks for reading, have a great day!

-🍓🌙 (my emoji tag just in case you do post this)

Hi, uh. Sorry, we& just woke up from an unexpected nap and I& guess I'm& fronting now? This shit is weird, it never happened to me& before but here we& are. Anyway, nice to meet you. To answer your question, we're& not bodily Blackfoot or anything like that but I& think it's only natural that you'd wanna discover and reclaim your heritage. Usually there's a reason for it. I'd& say go for it as long as you be respectful about it and do it for the right reasons. Blood quantum is colonizer bullshit. But keep in mind there's no "part" indigenous of anything, you either are or you aren't. That's all I& really gotta say on the topic. We're& glad it touched you and collectively wish you the best if you do end up reconnecting to your heritage, just know it's a long and hard journey and from experience, it isn't always fun because you also have to dig up intergenerational trauma and all that other shit, and you also have to be active and fight for your community, it's definitely not all fun and games, but it's worth it. To anybody else who's disconnected and who reads this: please don't give us& your whole entire life story and ask us& if you're Native enough, don't ask us& questions about your place in the Native community, or whether you're Native or not, or on whether you can do certain things, especially if you haven't even started your reconnection journey. I& realize we're& very vocal on our& indigeneity and the issues our& communities face, we're& collectively flattered you guys come to us& about these things, but that doesn't automatically mean that it's an invitation to come into our& inbox and seek validation, especially if we're& not from your nation. We're& not elders or knowledge keepers. Thanks.

— 🍊 / Clementine Maria Jasmine Cree&, she/her; they/them.

#written in blood. #🍊.txt

[blast0rama]

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023): A Review

I know, long time since I’ve reviewed, right?

Welcome back.

The year is 2023, and the nerds have, unabashedly, won. It seems every week brings us a new Star Wars/ Star Trek / video game adaptation / comic book movie. The Marvel Cinematic Universe has hit its 31st film1, and began its fifth phase, with this release — Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania.

And how bizarre is that? When I started this blog in February 2008, we were all just hoping that Iron Man would defy the odds and be a great adaptation of a B-Level hero and The Dark Knight would be a decent follow-up to the shockingly good Batman Begins.

Now we’ve got dueling comic movie universes, with DC looking like it might finally have its shit together with new leadership, and Marvel starting another phase of its (perhaps?) long-in-the-tooth franchise with a third Ant-Man movie.

That’s where we’re at now, people. THREE. ANT-MAN. MOVIES.

Dig into the power of Paul Rudd all you want, but this should not be. Ant-Man has been lucky to string three issues together, let alone three movies.

And who would have thought that this would be the lynchpin of this series of Marvel movies, introducing the awesome Jonathan Majors (Lovecraft Country) as Kang — yes, the guy whose action figure got dusty on pegs in stores nationwide for YEARS.

It’s a surreal mix to hang $200 million on.

And that’s the odd background that this perfectly fine movie lands in. It’s fine. Not great. Good at best. But fine overall. It’s not a disaster, it’s not the misfire that Eternals was, it’s not going to become a meme joke of a bad movie like Thor: The Dark World was (which I kinda thought was OK, honestly), it’s capital F, Fine.

The setup is actually pretty simple. It’s a few years after Avengers: Endgame, Scott Lang (the eternally cool Paul Rudd) is sort of a cult hero. Not the superstar a Tony Stark or Steve Rogers is, but he can live his life. His love interest, Hope Van Dyne (Evangeline Lilly, whose political opinions you shouldn’t google) is running an incredible science division of the reborn Pym Van Dyne company, along with her father Hank Pym (Michael Douglas, happy to be here). Hope’s long lost mother Janet (Michelle Pfeiffer) has returned from the Quantum Realm (basically, where Tardigrades live), though she doesn’t want to talk about it. Scott’s even written a book about his life, Look Out For The Little Guy!

It’s a shame he’s just having some issues reconnecting with his daughter Cassie, now an adult (thanks, The Blip®!). It seems that Cassie (Kathyrn Newton) is striking out a bit, but showing some scientific prowess. So much so that she’s building a way to map the Quantum Realm! Which sends Janet’s blood running cold…just in time for them all to get sucked into the Quantum Realm themselves.

The worry? A quiet spoken, green and purple jumpsuit wearing man named Kang, who also calls himself A Conquerer. Who you may recognize from — though, really don’t need to have seen — the Disney+ series Loki.

Seems he has a history with Janet, he wants out of the Quantum Realm, and it’s gonna take the whole Ant-Man family to figure it out.

And that’s where the problem of this movie really lies.

There’s two fighting elements here, one micro, one macro.

On the micro (heh) side, there’s a really fun Journey to the Center of the Earth-by-way-of-Rick and Morty adventure here, filled with grumpy telepaths (William Jackson Harper), flashlight headed beings, Broccoli Men, and some weird goo guy obsessed with holes (voiced by David Dastmalchian, the only of Scott’s old crew to return, though as an entirely different character.)

It’s in this mode that the movie really sings. Amazing visuals, stunning creature and character designs that I only would’ve loved more if they were practical. I would love to just see a romp with the Pym Van Dyne Langs in this world.

But on the macro level, it’s time for the MCU to establish a big bad. And though he is performed admirably by Jonathan Majors, and I cannot wait to see him in more, bigger movies ahead…this is not the movie for this weight.

Ultimately, Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania starts to sag whe these elements collide, and more than anything, I just wished they had picked a lane. And that’s sort of the issue with where we’re at 31 movies into the this franchise. A movie cannot stand alone, it must feed into the bigger world. And Scott Lang, Avenger though he may be, cannot anchor an Avenger-level adventure.

Sometimes, small is best, and I thought that 3 movies in, Marvel recognized what they had here. Instead, we get stuck with neither side getting what they want, as hard as they try.

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania is in theaters now.

31. Like the flavors at Baskin Robbins. Get it? I’m sure it wasn’t intentional, but, well done, Marvel.

[icedteadrinker]

It’s soo interesting when people racially segregate their “pick a man/woman“ uquizzes

#like girlies how are you doing this? blood quantum laws?? #you guys are a little weird #i’m only taking these for academic purposes ofc #rambling

[cryptid-kratt-kid]

WKCPAU 2021 part 14 (first part of the finale! AND YES, SUPER FUCKING LATE, I KNOW.)

HAPPY NEW YEARS! ROAR LIKE FEARSOME TIGERS FOR 2022!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~

9:00 pm December 31st. 3 hours til new years.

The Dimension Hoppers crew and the New Wild crew are searching the party for the missing slimes and handing out missing creature fliers.

DH Martin: We've got to find them! Right now they're just a Tarr hazard but if they get out they could be an environmental disaster!

NW Chris: And with weird monsters running around, they could be in serious danger!

NW Chris stops in his tracks as he sees a flash of something yellow and glitchy. He silently creeps away from the group to pursue it. He followes it all the way to the snack table.

NW Chris, watching the Quantum Slime dig through the chips: There it is!

He unzips the hoodie from his jacket and carefully sneaks up on it. Holding it over the slime. It looks up and spots him, but just before it can get away he slams the hoodie down and holds it like a bag. He carefully opens it just enough to see the slime. It stares back at him, startled, but fine.

NW Chris, feeling guilty about scaring the little guy and grabbing a handful of chips: Daww poor living orb. Here, chips for the round boi.

The Slime immediately calms down and happily chomps the chips.

NW Chris, closing the "sack" and looking around: Ok. Now, if I were a lost alien creature in the middle of a crackfest, where would I be?

~~~~~~~~~~

10:00 pm 2 hours til new years.

Toodles goes flying into the tables at the edge of the arena. Hardly fazed, he scrambles onto all fours and tackles Feral Chris. FC narrowly avoids losing his face and he holds Toodles off of him just long enough to draw a pistol.

Feral Chris, relentlessly firing at Toodles: It's high noon motherfucker!

Toodles is knocked back and falls to his knees. But instead of collapsing or crying out in pain, he laughs. Toodles stands up and shakes himself off all while laughing maniacally.

Toodles, tearing up from laughter: You- You really think that- HAHAHHA- That your mortal bullets can do SHIT against me? You're joking right?

All the onlookers stare in awe at Toodles. Feral Chris cracks a smile.

Feral Chris, with a new exitement and bloodlust shining in his eyes: Thank the gods! It's been too damn long since I've actually had a challenge!

And just like that, they're going at each other again. The crowd roars as bullets and blood flies.

Up in the announcers booth, Feral Martin and Salutations watch with popcorn.

Feral Martin: Hey, what the actual fuck's up with your brother?

Salutations: A lot is up with him, my guy. I'm not even fully convinced we're actually brothers. Pretty sure he just crawled out of the underworld one day and tricked our parents into believing they birthed him.

Feral Martin, snickering: Wow, Ok then. Hey, ima go get us some snacks. I get the feeling this is gonna take a while.

Salutations: K. Just don't drink the punch. It's spiked with something. Or do, Spice up my life.

Feral Martin, hopping out of the booth: Aight. I'll be back.

Feral Martin left the Arena and made for the snack counter. He didn't really know what Sal liked, so he just started shoveling stuff into his sweater.

He then came upon the aforementioned punch. He nearly recoiled at the sight. It was purple and black and swirling. It had some noxious green gas coming off of it, and bubbled horribly.

Feral Martin: That punch isn't spiked, that punch is cursed.

After observing it for a couple more seconds, he notices something twitching around inside.

Feral Martin: What the- Is that a creature!?

He quickly decides against using his hands to save it and grabs some tongs off the meat tray. He squeezes his nose shut and tries not to vomit as he fishes out a very, very disoriented Phosphor Slime.

Feral Martin, wiping the little dude down with a napkin: Hey little guy! I'm sorry to say but I don't think there's any hot singles in there.

NW Chris, running up to them: There it is! You found it! I've been looking all ove- yikes! What happened to the punch?

Feral Martin, shrugging his shoulders: Hell if I know. But this poor little guy was drowning in the stuff.

NW Chris: That's one of the creatures me and the Dimension Hoppers have been looking for!

Feral Martin, giving the slime to NW Chris: Lucky I found them before that sludge fucking digested him then.

NW Chris, nodding: Yeah! Thanks! I gotta run now! There's still one left!

NW Chris opens his makeshift satchel and plops the Phosphor in with the Quantum. He adds more chips into the mix to keep them both satisfied. He waves bye to Feral Martin and runs off to look for the pink slime.

~~~~~~~~~~

11:00 pm 1 hour til new years

Many the Avivas are gathered around Feral Aviva. Staring at her latest invention in existential horror.

Aviva, trying to act friendly: Uh... Hey Feral... Whatcha... Whatcha got there?

Feral Aviva, proud of herself: Girl you have NO Idea how glad I am that you asked.

Aviva, instantly regretful that she asked: Oh-

Feral Aviva, slapping the side of her mechanical monstrosity like a car salesman: This baby can fit so many mini-nukes in it! It's got 12 flamethrowers, shoots lasers from its eyes, and can move about as fast as a cheetah.

Aviva: ...

Aviva, rubbing her temples: Why????

Feral Aviva: Because it's fucking AWESOME that's why!

Cryptid Aviva, inspecting the device cautiously: What even is it? Does it serve a purpose other than being terrifying?

Feral Aviva: Yes! It terrorizes Zach.

Aviva, incredibly concerned: Really? That's it? I mean, he's annoying as all heck but still. Isn't this, for lack of a better word, overkill?

Feral Aviva: Duh. Of course it is. What matters is that it's funny and that I'll have fun using it.

Mets, possesing the screen in the drivers seat: Uh, guys! There's something in here!

Cryptid Aviva, flying up onto the machine and staring at the creature: woah, what is that?

Feral Aviva: Huh? What does it look like?

Mets: It's pink, and round, and asleep I think.

Feral Aviva: Oh yeah I almost forgot about them! They came up to me while I was building and just kinda vibed. Don't worry they're chill.

Aviva: Do they have a name?

Feral Aviva: Not yet. I sent my Martin a picture of them but he wanted to name them Cupcakke, like the rapper, and I vetoed it. So at the moment they are nameless.

NW Chris, running up to them: Hey! Have you seen a wierd looking pink creatu- what in the fuck is that?

Aviva: Some kind of over-enginered Zach torment device. Try not to think about that too hard. What were you trying to aak me?

NW Chris, deciding that he does not want detail: Okay then... I was just gonna ask if you'd seen any wierd looking pink creatures around? Me and the Dimension hoppers are looking for these things called slimes and we really need to find them before they get themselves hurt.

Feral Aviva, climbing the machine and pulling the pink slime out: is this your guy?

NW Chris, ecstatic: Yes! That's them! Thank you so much!

Feral Aviva, sliding back down and tossing the slime to NW Chris: No problem! They're a chill little dude.

NW Chris, beaming and placing the pink slime into the makeshift sack with some more chips: The DH bros are gonna be so happy I found them! I gotta go!

Feral Aviva: Tell them they owe me one then! Interdimentional favors are the best favors!

NW Chris, nodding as he runs off: Ok! I Will!

Aviva, once NW Chris is out of sight: What the heck do you want interdimentional favors for?

Feral Aviva, grinning wickedly: OHOHO BOY you have NO idea.

Aviva, making the smart decision and shutting the conversation down right there and then: Nope. I've changed my mind. I don't even wanna know anymore.

Feral Aviva, rolling her eyes and pouting slightly: Coward.

~~~~~~~~~~

11:30 pm 30 minutes til new years

NW Chris, running joyfully up to the Dimension Hopper Bros: I found them! I found them! All three of them!

DH Martin, letting out a sigh of relief: Thank goodness! You're a lifesaver little buddy!

NW Chris, handing DH Martin the makeshift sack: It took a while, and they got into some weird ass places, but I found them!

DH Chris: Wait, are you telling me that you put 3 different species of slime, into one small space?

They all just sorta stand there in "Oh shit. Mistakes have been made" silence for a little bit.

DH Chris, desperately trying to break the silence: Hey but it's fine as long as you didn't feed them! Haha...

NW Chris' face only holds one expression and it is horror.

DH Chris: You... You didn't feed them... Right?

NW Chris: Get them out! Get them out right the fuck now!

DH Martin is about to fucking dump the slimes out of the bag when suddenly it starts shaking and glowing. He drops it and starts to back away, the others follow suit.

The Bag shakes and Shines more and more violently as they watch in horror. Suddenly, the Quantum slime and the Phosphor slime errupt from the bag and flee into DH Martin's backpack in terror.

There is silence, and then a a sickening glurk sound is heard from the sack. A large, Black slime with rainbow veins rises from the backpack. Where there once was a cute smiling face, is now an evil, hungry grin.

NW Chris: Well Shit.

~~~~~~~~~~

I AM SO SO SO SO SORRY. THIS TOOK ME WAY TOO LONG AND I HAD TO CUT IT UP ANYWAYS. IT'S NOT EVEN THE HOLIDAY SEASON ANYMORE BUT I AM INTENT O. SEEING THIS THROUGH. I OWE IT TO ALL OF YOU WHO FOLLOWED, LIKED, ASKED, AND LENT ME YOUR AUS.

I HAVEN'T GIVEN UP. I JUST NEED A LITTLE MORE TIME.

Anyways I hope you enjoyed this part! I don't blame anyone who's finally had enough of my shit and stopped keeping up with this story 😅. But to all of those who are still here, from the bottom of my heart THANK YOU!

You guys are what fuels my creativity and overall love for this show. I know we're just a rediculously small community on a crumbling hellsite, but I love our little apocalyptic town 🥰.

But next Crimbus, this is just gonna be a bunch of Shitposting. I have well prooven that I cannot be trusted to upload consistently 😂.

#wild kratts #wild kratts au #cryptid kratts au #feral kratts au #new wild au #dimension hoppers au #wkcpau 2021 #Thank you all! #Also tell me if I made any mistakes. I've been reading through the previous entries and DAMN are they scuffed.

[vintage-marina]

A woman out of time (james norrington x f!reader) chapter 2

TW: suicidal thoughts, idk what the word is but the reader is seeing things that isn’t there

You washed your face and looked into the mirror, the circles under your eyes were enormous and it looked like you hadn't slept in days, what indeed was. Every time you closed your eyes you saw the battle of Wakanda or you saw the faces of people that you had murdered. Murdered, you had murdered them. You screwed your eyes shut and clung to the sink for dear life, a sob escaped your lips. I don't deserve this, you thought to yourself, your victims should be alive not you, them. Not you, Vision, Vision deserved it. Or Wanda, Bucky, Sam, Peter, T'Challa everyone besides you. T'Challa, yes he deserves my place, but he isn't here to take it isn't he? You softly hummed a song to yourself, a method to soothe you. After a few minutes of humming, you opened your eyes. Red, your eyes were red, you touched your cheeks and you realised you were crying. You stared into the mirror, you saw yourself but you couldn't reconise her. You stared to face and noticed the scars on it, they were small and were from the bomb that exploded right in front of you and you noticed the burn on your neck. You didn't found them ugly, but you didn't love them either. They were a part of you now and you couldn't do anything about it, just like your arm. You felt neutral about them. You picked up your toothbrush and brushed your teeth, the feeling of guilt slowly washing away. You knew that that feeling would never go away, but just like your therapist said you must learn to live with it, if you wanted to live your life in a somewhat peacful state.

Ever since half of the population died you didn't knew what to do, you felt like you didn't belong in the group that they called themselves the Avengers but you also didn't fit in as a civilian, so in the chaos that Thanos left you packed your bags and moved away, after you were fully healed ofcourse. You left everyone a handwritten letter and then you moved into a little old house on the shore.  

You heard the telephone ringing, you walked toward the livingroom and picked up the phone. Maybe it was Steve, Natasha or Tony you didn't knew. You wiped your tears away, stupid ofcourse because the caller couldn't see them. ''Hello, with Y/N'' you said into the phone, it was Natasha. ''Hey Nat! How are you? No, I'm not crying why did you think that?'' ''You know that you don't have to lie to me right? But if you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to'' ''Yeah, I've been crying but I'm fine now. '' The last part was half a lie, you were fine but a few minutes earlier you weren't. ''Im glad to hear that you are doing alright, sometimes it is just so hard you know?'' You hummed in agreement, not knowing if she talked about her past or about the guilt she felt with the whole Thanos hassle. '' But, Y/N/N, I, no we have something important to talk about. Scott, you remember Scott right?'' ''Yeah, I remember him, he was snapped right?'' ''We thought that too but a few hours ago, he showed up on our doorstep of the compound.'' ''So he wasn't snapped away, you mean'' now it was her turn to hum in agreement. ''Y/N, what I want to tell you is that we can bring them back and we want you to be there,'' you smiled a little and you whispered: ''Ofcourse, I will be there'' ''We will pick you up in an hour, see you then'' ''See you Nat'' Natasha hanged up and you pressed the telephone to your chest and let yourself fall on your little couch and let out a laugh. A few minutes ago you felt on a point of breaking down and now hope streamend into your veins.

An hour flew by and you saw in the distance three figures walking, one blond headed, one red headed and one had dark brown hair. You openend your door and welcomed them inside, ''Hi guys'' you said to them and gestured that they can sit down, you went back to your little kitchen and brought back some drinks and cookies. You sat on a chair and turned your eyes to Scott, ''so you just showed up after 5 years of radio silence?'' ''Yep'' ''how?'' ''I got stuck in what they call the Quantum Realm'' ''What the hell is that?'' you mumbeled, ''Alright so, that realm is a microscopic universe on its own and if you want to be there you have to be really tiny. Time works different there and basically I got stuck there'' ''What do you mean time works different there?'' you asked to him. ''Well, I was missing for 5 years right'' you hummed in agreement, ''but for me it was 5 hours. So I thought what if we can navigate that universe and can enter it at a certain point in time but then exit the realm at another point of time.'' Your eyes widend and your brain couldn't proces it really, ''I don't understand what you mean and that doesn 't make ant sense Scott'' he sighed and then said: ''Timetravel'' ''Like back into the future type of thing?'' you said to him, ''Wait how do you know about back into the future Y/N?'' said Natasha surprised, you turned to Natasha ''I saw it on the television ofcourse!'' Steve furrowed his brows and said: ''How have I never heard of that movie?'' you shrugged your shoulders and focused your attention back to Scott. ''So how do you guys want to timetravel, I still don't understand how you guys want to do this but I'm in.''

At the compound

After you guys could convince Bruce to help, things had happend quickly. First of all he was green, that was pretty weird for you and for the rest of your team. He explained to your group that he emerged himself and the Hulk together, you were pretty grossed out about this and was scared to asked how he did that. Secondly, you couldn't convince Tony to help out wich was disappointing but not surprising, after all you two held contact and you knew that he had a family. You understood that he was scared to loose his life or his family so you didn't try to persuade him into helping your group instead you were chatting with Pepper. Thirdly, without Tony's help was Bruce all alone on how to make this time travel thing. You hoped that he knew how to make this thing, but you weren't so sure about it. Scott was the test person and when he was gone you thought it finally worked but instead he was a teenager, then he was a baby, then he was a grandpa and then he was finally back to normal. There was panic and not just a little! Natasha was relieved when she saw that Scott went back to normal and Bruce spread his arms out and said proud: ''Timetravel!"

''But it didn't work really work'' you noticed, ''yes but also no'' Steve shaked his head and then Bruce said: ''What? I see this as an absolutle win''

Night time

A radio was playing a soft melody. The woman who you stared at didn't move a muscle, she looked like a dear in headlights. Time moved slow, to slow for her and sweat was forming on her forehead. You didn't even knew her name or why you were here, you only knew you had one job. The room reeked of blood and it was coated on the floor, you raised your arm and pulled the trigger before she could even scream. You could hear her body fall, finally you woke up and you could hear your heart racing. You clenched your jaw and stepped out of your bed, your feet touching the soft floor, you hummed softly trying to calm yourself. But you couldn't hear yourself, all you heard was the soft tune of the radio. Shuffling in the dark is never easy, your fingers touched a wall and your eyes went wide. Blood, why was there blood on the wall. You squeezed your eyes and then you saw the pattern on the wall. It was dark green with little leaves and flowers on it, your hand flew towards your mouth when you realised you were not in your bedroom anymore. You turned your head and then everything went back to normal. You didn't saw the blood splatters and the wallpaper anymore but you were in your bedroom?

The next day

A lot happend during the day, Tony showed up out of nowhere. Thor was back, who looked like shit. Rhodey suggested to go back in time when Thanos was a baby and to strangle him, which you found very amusing and Clint showed up with tattoos and a sad background that he killed people just because his family passed away. Everyone grieves differently I guess, some people like me you thought are gonna live in solitude and other people are gonna kill people for the fun of it. So now you were lying on the floor next to Bruce, Natasha and Tony trying to figure out where the stones are. Tony, Bruce and you were arguing about which place and time is the most convienent but Natasha broke your quabble. ''Guys, if you pick the right year there are three stones in new York'' ''Shut the fuck up'' ''You're a genius you know that right'' ''Whoah'' were the three things that were said in unison to her.

After five years you finally wore your suit again. The med pack on your bag felt familiar and you almost forgot how thick the leather was, the only bad side was that you now had to wear a mask. On your wrist was a watch and after twenty explanations from Tony you understood how to work with that thing, above your suit you wore another suit were you would timetravel in. You are going to travel with Tony, Scott and Steve to New York 2012 because Tony could help you with your suit when you didn 't knew how to work with it. ''Can someone please explain to me why I would have to wear a mask again?'' Actually you did know why, because the four of you didn't want to risk that 2012 Steve would regconise you. The Avengers and you were walking in unison and you guys formed a circle. Natasha and Steve looked at eachother and she said to him smiling: ''See you in a minute'' a machine whirred above you and you clicked on a button to summone your helmet and then you were shrinking.

It was a really weird experience to say atleast, your tummy was doing cartwheels and you felt your fingers (but not from your vibranium arm) tingling. You saw blue everywhere and it looked like honeycombs. You marveled at this, but then someone's elbow went into your ribs and you flew out of the orbit. Instead of going right with the others you went straight ahead. Shit, shit shit! But everything went so fast you didn't even had more time to think about it. A flash happend and you had your eyes shut. Your vibranium arm was stuck into something but not for long, whatever your arm was in was ripping and flew down with you. You could hear yells and cursing and then you fell on the ground. Well, not ground but on wood? You heard it crack underneath you and you thought you had fallen through the floor. Something is strange here, you didn't hear any cars, you didn't hear airplanes and you certainly didn't smell the fumes. You sniffed again, and you regconised it, it was salty and now your ears heard the soft waves of the ocean. You were on the ocean, you cracked one eye open and right in your face was a small man with dirt on his cheeks and wearing a mullet. ''Witch! A witch is on our ship!'' Fuck.

#james norrington #james norrington x reader #james norrington imagine #norrington #commodore norrington #potc #elizabeth swann #will turner #jack sparrow #henry turner #commodore norrington x reader #marvel #fanfic #marvelcrossover #avengersinfinitywar #avengers endgame #avengers

[sexualintimidationdemon]

Day 22

Reflections on: Possessor (2020)

I’ve never watched Quantum Leap before, but I imagine it’s like this but less horrific. It’s also a little bit like if Being John Malkovich (1999) was about brain hacking assassins and wasn’t a comedy.

This was written and directed by Brandon Cronenberg, son of David Cronenberg who is also the father of body horror. So this was made by body horror’s brother. Body horror makes some cute cameos here.

The cast was great: Andrea Riseborough (AKA Mandy from Mandy (2018)), Jennifer Jason Leigh (being her lovely weird self), Christopher Abbott (one of the guys from Girls), Sean Bean (!), and Rossif Sutherland (Donald Sutherland’s OTHER actor son).

I took a break during the middle of this to watch the music video for Rob Zombie’s “Dragula” for no particular reason.

The plot centres around a tech company called ZOOTHROO which uses people’s webcams to spy on what kind of window coverings they have. Mostly they just see meat curtains.

Lots of vaping.

I enjoyed this despite all the blood and brain puncturing. It is a beautifully shot movie.

#Possessor #2020 #Brandon Cronenberg #David Cronenberg #Quantum Leap #being john malkovich #Andrea Riseborough #Jennifer Jason Leigh #Mandy #Christopher Abbott #Girls #Sean Bean #Rossif Sutherland #Donald Sotherland #Dragula #ZOOTHROO

[ruewrites]

Raising Them Right

AO3

WBT

Ships: Diavolo/Lucifer (minor near the end)

Word Count: 3960

Warnings: Abandonement, Self Deprication

A/N:  Here it is! So this is the second fic that was inspired from the one angst anon that wanted to know more about Asmo’s past relationships. I really had a wonderful time writing it, and I hope you guys enjoy!

Lucifer could still remember that day. It was clear in his mind and bit at him like a viper, slowly killing a part of him that was now long lost to time. He knew that Levi and Mammon remembered as well. Maybe Satan. But Asmo and the twins? Not so much. Regardless, he knew it had toyed with his brothers in various ways. Forcing different insecurities and means to cope down their throats. Honestly Lucifer didn’t even get away unscathed. 

Hurt and betrayal had bubbled up in his throat as he tore their room apart. Part of him was looking for an answer of sorts. A reason. But the bigger of him wanted destruction, wanted to erase them from their lives entirely. They chose to leave, so why should they have any memory of them? 

Lilith’s room was left untouched. Lucifer boarded up the door the best he could. This made his heart ache the most. He couldn’t focus too hard on what he was doing. It wouldn’t lead to good things. He needed to keep a steady composure for his brothers. They needed someone to look up to. Someone they could rely on. 

They had all packed up and left that night. The oldest three couldn’t bear to be in the house anymore. Satan hadn’t said anything, conflict swirling within his young mind. Asmo and the twins questioned their actions slightly.

“What if they come back looking for us?”

“Are we gonna go home soon Luci?”

“What if they miss us?”

It made the situation worse. It made Lucifer’s throat tighten and his eyes burn. How could he tell them that they weren’t even going back? That that place was no longer home? That they’d been abandoned? That was how Lucifer saw it, and he could feel that Mammon was just as bitter. His teeth were clenched, trying so hard not to snap at the little ones. They didn’t know any better, and Lucifer wished he could have protected them all from this reality. 

He was helpless.

They’d travelled around for a while, until they found a small motel with a vacancy. The older three had done the math. If they worked enough, they could stay here.. He wasn’t sure who called about them, but he wasn’t surprised. Who wouldn’t have been worried about seven children of varying ages wandering around alone on their own? Honestly, it was the responsible thing to do. Even if Lucifer hated admitting to it.

Ever since that day, Lucifer fought tooth and nail for his family. He refused to let anyone take his brothers away from him, refused to let them be torn apart any more than they already were. He’d heard everything. He was too young to effectively take care of them, that the little ones would be better off in more stable households. These conversations only succeeded in making Lucifer angrier. Eventually they reached a compromise. All seven of them would move in with a family, until further notice. 

Lucifer had agreed to this, but also took it as a challenge to get them their own place as soon as he could.

***********

Lucifer had gotten the call. He put himself down as the primary contact for all of his brothers, so he always knew what was going on with them. 

Deep breaths. In. And out. 

Getting angry at Mammon rarely got him anywhere. It was just frustrating. Mammon was smart  dammit! And he was a good kid deep down. Lucifer knew this, and it made it even worse every time he heard that Mammon had acted out once more. Lucifer had apologized to his professor multiple times about not being able to show up to class, and they understood, but it didn’t make the situation any better.

Lucifer got out of the car and started the routine he’d become so accustomed too. What could it be today? Acting out in class? Snatching something off of the teacher’s desk? Stealing from the cafeteria? Oh Lucifer could only imagine.

Greeting the ladies at the front desk, Lucifer was quickly ushered back to the principal's office. Mammon was hunched over in one of the chair’s, his hoodie obscuring his face.

Suspended.

For getting into a fight with another student.

It wasn’t  a long suspension, but Lucifer still didn’t exactly know how to feel about it. There was a tense silence in the car.It got to the point where Lucifer pulled off into a parking lot and shut his car off. Mammon sank down further in the car seat.

“Would you like to explain yourself?” Lucifer hoped his voice came out even, despite the twitching he felt in his lip. 

“It wasn’t that bad.”

“It wasn’t- Mammon you got suspended.”

More silence.

“Let me see.”

“Luc-”

“Let. Me. See.”

Mammon hesitated for a moment before pulling his hoodie down and looking over at Lucifer. He had a black eye. Lucifer put his head in his hands and Mammon quickly went on to try to explain himself.

“It wasn’t my fault! These guys came along n’ they were makin fun of Levi and were tryin to take his-”

“Levi?”

Lucifer’s head perked up as he looked at Mammon. His frustration slowly melted away as he listened to his brother with new interest.

“Yeah! These guys are normally jerks, but then they started goin at our family, and messing with Levi really bad.”

Lucifer was silent for a moment before starting the car. He was quiet for a few moments before speaking up, “Is there anything you want?”

“What?”

“You know I don’t reward bad behavior Mammon,” Lucifer started, “But I don’t think I consider what you did today bad behavior.”

Mammon blinked a few times before snorting, “You sound like a dad.”

“Don’t push it.”

“Aight aight…. Thanks Lucifer. I’ll think about it.”

***********

Levi had always loved his games, and he was good at them. The time he spent on them honestly had Lucifer concerned for his eyes. They made Levi happy and Lucifer could usually hear him talking about the lore behind them or the characters when he wasn’t talking about his favorite shows or manga.

Lucifer didn't understand any of it, he didn’t pretend to. Usually he couldn’t stop the confusion that spread across his face. Understanding what Levi was trying to understand quantum physics. But Levi didn’t seem to mind, he would continue to talk, excitement rising with each word that passed through his lips. Honestly, Lucifer was fine with anything that made him happy.

As long as his brothers were happy and safe, that was all that mattered.

So when he heard sniffling from Levi’s room, Lucifer couldn’t help but investigate. The door was open ever so slightly. He peeked his head in first, eyes scanning the room and settling on a pile of blankets in the center.

He walked closer and sat down on the bed and let the silence permeate for a moment.

“Levi,” he said softly, the sniffling stopped for a moment, “Why are you crying?”

Levi didn’t say a word. Lucifer didn’t move.

“I’m not gonna do anything or amount to anything,” Levi sniffled, “I’m not good at anything. My interests are weird. I’m  just taking up space and… and-”

And Dad said so.

The unspoken words lingered like a bitter perfume in the air. Lucifer knew their father had most likely said such things to Levi, he knew that he’d probably said more to Levi and the idea made Lucifer’s blood boil. Just because his brother had interests that their parents hadn’t deemed worthwhile, it didn’t  mean that it made them any less important nor did it define his worth in any way. 

Yet the words of their abandoners still ran hot through Levi’s veins, and the idea of his own self worth suffered. 

It was despicable.

Deplorable.

“Who told you this Levi?” Lucifer asked.

The pile of blankets went quiet for a moment, “Just people…”

“Well they’re wrong,” Lucifer said, pulling the blanket down from Levi’s head, “You have plenty of talents and you have a place in this family.”

He picked up one of the controllers around them. The plastic felt awkward in his hands, and the buttons were foreign to him. Levi hadn’t moved, so Lucifer went to the next thing he could think of.

“I’d like it if you could teach me how to play.”

***********

After countless hours of research on cats, Lucifer finally made a decision. Satan had difficulties when it came to being calm. He surrounded himself with teas, and books, and music, but every now and again something (or someone) would ruin the atmosphere he worked so hard to create. Lucifer wanted to help him, he wanted him to find some sort of peace and maybe a cat was just what was needed.

Satan loved cats. Ever since he’d been young he’d had an affinity for them. Lucifer used to catch him setting out scraps for the strays outside of their old house, and maybe on more than one occasion Lucifer had left out said scraps for Satan to find. 

Cerberus was good with other animals, he’d seen the dog around cats and Lucifer didn’t think there’d be any problem with having another pet in the house. Satan was responsible and a wonderful student.  Lucifer wanted to help him and wanted to see him succeed.

“Where are we going?” Satan asked, crawling into the passenger seat. 

“I guess you’ll just have to wait and see.”

The look in his brothers eyes when he realized where they pulled up  to was one Lucifer swore he’d never forget. He asked him not to run as they got out of the car, but his pleas fell on deaf ears. He knew every cat in the shelter would be coming home with them if Satan could have his way, but they would be settling on one.

“Lucifer?”

Satan was staring into one of the pens. A small grey kitten with bright green eyes stared back. Needles to say, the soft bundle made the trip home with them. Lucifer swore that the calmest he’d ever seen Satan was when he was with that cat. He became a happier child and took care of her all on his own. His laughter filled the halls of the home more often, and it was contagious. Lucifer enjoyed seeing Satan smile, and he hoped the world would continue to allow him to have this type of happiness.

***********

Clothing stores had become a second home for the Morningstars. Lucifer swore the clothes he bought for his brothers never fit past the mall dressing rooms. Every other week he was bringing one or two of his brothers for shirts, or pants, or shoes, or some other article of clothing. Today it was him and Asmodeus.

Lucifer pushed the cart down the thin aisle glancing at the various clothes on either side of them with Asmo hot on his heels. However, the closer they got to the usual section the further and further Asmo lagged behind. It wasn’t until Lucifer was in front of the button ups that he realized his younger brother was no longer close behind him. Panic seized him for a moment, thinking he’d lost one of his siblings, but soon he spotted Asmo a few aisles down looking off at something.

“Asmo. Don’t wander off,” Lucifer said, as he approached him. The closer he got to Asmo, the better he could see what he was looking at. 

Pretty bows, flower clips, other sparkling hair pieces, skirts, loose fitting sweaters. Lucifer took a moment, looking over all of the different clothes, before realizing how nervous Asmo looked. Normally he was talkative and bubbly, but right now he was uncharacteristically silent and avoiding Lucifer’s eyes.

His brother had always liked pretty things. He loved picking flowers and having Lucifer catch butterflies for him to look at. He loved to watch the way sparkling dresses twirled in the movies they watched together and looking at the makeup on models on posters in the mall. Lucifer noticed these things, Lucifer knew these things about his brother, but Asmodeus didn’t know that Lucifer knew.  Asmo was worried, and unfortunately Lucifer thought he knew why. 

His brothers deserved to feel safe, to be happy, and even if they’d had a rough beginning, Lucifer wanted to make sure the rest of their stories led to a happy ending.

Lucifer leaned against the cart and offered a smile, “Well, pick out some things to try on.” 

Asmo perked up, looking shocked before a wide grin spread across his face. He put multiple outfits together from various sections and filled the cart. Lucifer honestly hoped they’d last him a while and that he wouldn’t outgrow them as soon as they got home. Asmo’s excitement was contagious.

Later that night, when he dropped him off at Solomon’s, Asmo tore out of the car, excited to show his friend his new clothes, hair clip sparkling in the sunlight.

***********

“Is dinner ready yet?”

Lucifer sighed and put the knife down next to the vegetables he was chopping. Beel had an appetite unlike any he’d come across before.  Doctors had said that he was probably going through a growth spurt and that he was likely going to be tall. A growing boy needed food, and Beel was far from a picky eater.

“Not yet.”

It was the same answer he’d given a few minutes ago.

Beel’s stomach echoed through the small kitchen as Lucifer picked up the knife once more. As he chopped away, his younger brother inched closer until his little eyes were peaking over the counter. A small hand reached out to steal a carrot piece from the counter. It wasn’t sneaky, Lucifer saw, but it didn’t matter.

Beel watched Lucifer in silence for a while, eyes wide and tracing every movement his older brother made.

“Lucifer?”

“Hm?”

“If I help you with dinner will it be done faster?”

The chopping stopped once more as Lucifer thought for a moment. Of course he could let Beel help. He didn’t want him using the knife, but this could still be a good opportunity to learn.  Slowly he nodded and looked towards the vegetables he’d already cut. 

“See those right there? Could you put those into the pot for me? I have another pot on the stove filled with water if you’d like to watch it warm up. When it’s boiling we can put the noodles in,” he said.

Beel’s grin widened and he nodded quickly, almost tripping over himself to help.

“And make sure you wash your hands, and be careful with the stove!”

Dinner had been quite lively that night. Beel chattered on and on about how he’d helped Lucifer with dinner, which led to some of the other younger ones wanting to learn so they could cook what they wanted. Lucifer chuckled quietly to himself. He knew he’d have to teach the rest of them eventually, but he never thought that he’d have a little cooking class on his hands.

***********

Finals had Lucifer stressed. He was running off of at least thirty-six shots of espresso split between six separate cups of coffee. Sleep seemed like a distant and fond memory to him, something he hadn’t experienced in a long while. He almost didn’t pick up on the sounds of small feet slowly padding against the floorboards of the house.

“Lucifer?”

The voice startled him, and he almost spilled one of his cups of coffee that had long gone cold. He swore softly before turning around. The soft glow of his laptop had been the only light source illuminating the room, and it took his eyes a while to adjust. Belphie stood in the doorway, pillow in one hand and his blanket trailing behind him. 

“Don’t tell the others, but,” Belphie was hesitant, his eyes swept to the floor, pink flooding his cheeks, “I had a really bad nightmare, and I can’t fall back asleep.”

Lucifer sat up a bit and tilted his head, “Is there anything you’d like to tell me about it?”

Belphie started to shake his head, then he hesitated. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before shaking his head again. “No,” he said, “But can I stay out here with you? But don’t-”

“Tell anyone? Of course I won’t, but you’re welcome to stay,” he yawned, scooting over ever so slightly to make room on the couch. He could feel his brother hesitate for a moment before wandering over to lay down. Minutes ticked by, and it wasn’t long until Belphie’s eyes shut once more and his small body slowly rose and fell

The more peace he could bring his brothers the better. Even at the slightest disturbance of sleep, Lucifer would smooth back Belphie’s hair in an attempt to calm him. Nightmares had become a common thing after what happened for a lot of them, and that meant Lucifer became alright when dealing with them.

He wasn’t going to leave them ever.

*********

Had he made the right decision? Or had his own pride made him so stupid as to make the worst mistake of his brothers’ lives? Should he have let them be taken by other families, potentially more stable families, and just set up dates to meet? Had he been selfish in his decisions?

These thoughts often plagued Lucifer when he was alone with his own thoughts. He thought about the problems his brothers faced and part of him felt responsible. He felt responsible for their fears, their problems, their worries. Everything bad that afflicted them could potentially be his fault. 

Mammon’s rebellious behavior.

Levi’s self deprecation.

Satan’s frustrations.

Asmo’s issues with his image.

Beel’s misplaced guilt.

Belphie’s angst.

Maybe he thought he could do more for them than he was actually capable of.

Maybe he’d been wrong.

**********

“Lucifer!”

Lucifer’s eyes glanced up from his paperwork to look at Diavolo from across the desk. He’d had piles of paperwork today, it felt like more than usual. There’d also been an influx in clients. New hires would definitely be needed soon. Perhaps he could have a meeting with Diavolo and Barbatos about it. 

“It’s time to clock out!” he said, bright and chipper as usual, “I was wondering if I could walk you home?”

Lucifer sighed and put down his pen. Diavolo was a good man and Lucifer did love him, but sometimes Lucifer felt like he took his work a little less seriously than he did.

Or maybe Lucifer was a little too strict. 

“That isn’t exactly necessary, besides, I have some things I need to finish up before I head home.”

“Nuh uh!” Diavolo clicked his tongue and shook his head, “The last time I let you stay past close to work, you were still here when I got back in the morning! It’s time to clock out. I’ll even help you where I can tomorrow!”

If he could stay on task when Lucifer needed him to. But Diavolo was a good man to work with, and he had proven himself time and time again. So Lucifer really shouldn’t worry himself all too much…

With a sigh of defeat Lucifer stood from his seat, each vertebrae in his spine cracking as he did so. He’d sat longer than he intended to…  “Alright, you win,” he said, “Just let me organize my work.”

Barbatos was waiting for them by the doors of the firm, keys in hand. Diavolo’s hand was pressed firmly against Lucifer’s back as he chattered away excitedly. It brought a soft smile to Lucifer’s face as he nodded to Barbatos. The more he thought about it, the more he realized how routine it had become for the three of them to walk home together. They were two of the closest friends Lucifer had ever had. After all, taking care of his brothers hadn’t left much room for socializing.

He knew Diavolo walking him home would also require him staying to talk for a little bit. Lucifer was already thinking of the variety of teas he could make for the two of them to relax with. His home wasn’t ideal, considering his brothers could be nosey when it came to his relationship, but if it made Diavolo happy it would suffice.

“Thank you,” he said as Diavolo opened the door for him, “Now-”

His sentence was cut short. No sooner had he walked into the kitchen and turned the lights on than confetti streamers went off, and a chorus of ‘surprise!’ surrounded him. 

His brothers were all there, standing with wide smiles and eager faces. In the center of it all was a cake: “Congrats on One Year!”

Diavolo was behind him again, guiding a stunned Lucifer into the room. His hand squeezed his shoulder, excitement coursing through his veins. 

“You haven’t forgotten have you?” Barbatos hummed, “The firm has been around for a year now. Your brothers wanted to congratulate you and asked us both to help.”

Ah. That’s right. This is why Barbatos was their secretary. The man knew how to keep track of the passage of time. 

Seeing that their brother was still in shock, Beel decided to speak up, “We wanted to let you know how proud we are of you.”

“Despite everything you’ve had to do and all the odds stacked against you, you still did it!” Asmo chirped in.

“And you did it while still raising all of us,” Satan smiled.

“Even when we could be the biggest pains in the ass,” Mammon said.

Levi turned to look at him, “Hey, stop talking about yourself Mammon.” 

“Oi!”

“Nah, he’s right, we can all be annoying,” Belphie snorted, “Well, you guys anyways.”

Despite his brother’s bickering, Lucifer’s smile had found its way back on to his face, “Thank you… All of you.”

“Well, why stand here when we have a cake to eat?” Diavolo chuckled, “Come on now Lucifer, let’s take a seat. Ha! That rhymed. Look at me being a poet!”

As Lucifer sat down with the others, he couldn’t help but look over all of his brothers. They’d all grown into such fine young men with bright futures. They were laughing, and happy, and together… They’d had their rough patches and a rather depressing beginning, but now they had a bright future ahead of them. Maybe Lucifer did make the right decision and maybe he’d been too hard on himself at times.

Despite every terrible thing that had happened they’d made it. They’d all beat the odds. As he sat there with his family he looked each of them over.

Confident and boisterous Mammon, who enjoyed drawing in attention.

Passionate Levi, who loved his hobbies more fervently than anyone Lucifer had ever met before.

Intelligent and calculating Satan, who’d always be hungry for knowledge.

Sweet little Asmo, who wore his heart on his sleeve and could spot beauty in anyone.

Gentle giant Beel, who was so compassionate and was always sensitive to the needs of others.

And a mellow Belphie, who knew how to appreciate the little things in life.

Lucifer was proud of them. No. Pride couldn’t even begin to describe the feeling spreading throughout his chest. This feeling was so much more intense. They were all so happy together, and Lucifer wouldn’t give this up for the world.

Their parents would never understand what a grievous mistake they’d made. Lucifer would never understand their reasoning, and he would never make excuses for them.

Lucifer had one thing they’d never have: the love of his brothers.

They would never have the satisfaction of seeing them be successful in life, and Lucifer would make sure they were successful and happy.

Even if Lucifer hadn’t been perfect, he knew he raised them right.

He knew they’d have bright and happy futures.

#obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #ruewrites #WBT #angst #hurt/comfort #fluff #angst with a happy ending #dialuci #mild dialuci #human!au

[thanksjro]

More Than Meets the Eye #32 - Nobody’s Ever Actually Dead in Comic Books

Our band of merry guys-who-weren’t-on-the-Lost-Light-in-issue-#1 approach the shattered husk of the Lost Light, in a gruesome scene that is only slightly marred by the graphic design.

Font doesn’t really suggest danger, does it? Here, for comparison, is something I slapped together in fifteen minutes (including recreation of background) using a font I got off a free font site.

Now, one could say that my version is rather derivative, flat, and arguably cliche, but you know what else it is? Appropriate for the fucking mood of having found a destroyed, hemorrhaging ship after everyone you knew disappeared.

I’m available, IDW! Hit me up.

Theorizing that this is the ship that the Coffin Rodimus came from- remember that? It was a few issues ago- the gang flies in for a closer look. The ship blood is actually something called quantum foam, which allows for quantum space travel to happen. It’s not supposed to be outside of the quantum quills, but the ship’s pretty junked up, so it is.

Because the ship is so very full of holes, the gang can set down for repairs pretty easy. They land in Swerve’s, finding it in less-than-pristine condition. They also find evidence of Crosscut having gotten creative, as a poster for the play he was working on is hung up in the room. Considering he was still writing it when he disappeared, this might seem a bit odd. But then you remember that this is a ship from the future, and it stops being so odd.

Because this is a future ship, with evidence that Crosscut did some stuff, it stands to reason that, at some point, everyone is going to come back from being disappeared.

Just to die.

Which is a bummer, but one crisis at a time.

Megatron disembarks the Rod Pod, with Ravage following, and everyone is just a touch put off by the duo. Everyone but Nautica, who proceeds to commit a microaggression.

Nautica, that’s Soundwave’s father you’re petting like a common animal.

Ravage, angered by this over-familiarity, swats at her. Skids questions letting an active Decepticon roam around, but Megatron brushes off these concerns, saying that finding any still-living crew members is more important. With that, the search begins.

The gang splits up to look for clues, despite Riptide thinking this is a horrible idea. They’re on the clock for this one- the quantum foam is liable to explode if it touches anything, and there’s an awful lot of the stuff floating around right now.

Nightbeat and Nautica leave the rest of the group to their own work, seeing as Nautica has the most appropriate alt-mode for traversing the gaps in the ship.

Man, that’s pretty cool. Wish Nautica hadn’t been regulated to being “girl best friend” for her character arcs, I would have loved to see her do some neat stuff for her own development. Guess that’s what happens when you get introduced as main cast late, and have to compete with all the faves who had dozens of issues to be established and who also don’t have to deal with the whole “token girl character” thing.

The rest of the gang- Megatron, Ravage, Riptide, Skids, and Getaway- start looking in the area they’re already in. Seems a little lopsided, but whatever.

Ravage finds someone almost immediately, identifying Ultra Magnus through smell alone. Only, it isn’t just Ultra Magnus.

The Magnus armor lays not terribly far away, having had its hands cut off to prevent the recall signal from being activated before being gut-murdered.

Gut-murdered wiTH A FUSION CANNON, MEGATRON

Of course, Megatron was forced to destroy his fusion canon after it was decided he would be joining the Lost Light, but you can buy these things off the black market like it’s nothing. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if Brainstorm had a few stashed in his lab.

As it currently stands, nobody can trust the guy who has a storied past of killing Autobots, on a future ship where the only folks who could stop him are dead. Megatron, at least, has the good sense to not argue this fact, and suggests that the boys lock both Ravage and himself up until they suss out exactly what happened.

Meanwhile, over with Nautica and Nightbeat, we run through all the weird shit that’s happened in the last day or so.

Nautica, you’ve been on this ship for months now. How did you miss the fact that the only couple within 800 miles got annihilated by way of Phase Sixer? I feel like that attack might have come up at some point.

Since they’re on the subject of spouses, Nightbeat asks Nautica if she’s married, or if she has friends. Though noting that such a direct line of questioning might get him slapped with someone else, Nautica reveals that she is single, though she does have a best friend. Nightbeat is also single, probably because he pulls shit like this.

While this conversation is going on, Nautica uses her Sonic Screwdriver wrench to open a door with the literal push of a button. Brainstorm tricked out her wrench so hard it turned into a magic wand, which is good, because they’re going to need all the help they can get now that space is literally warping around them thanks to the quantum foam.

Nautica kicks something on the elevator, and that something turns out to be Brainstorm’s mysterious briefcase. Too bad Swerve is gone, he was so invested in what it contained. Luckily, Nightbeat is just as interested.

Back over on the other side of the ship, it seems as though Megatron kept his word about not resisting, as both he and Ravage have been locked in a cabinet. Wonder how that’s going for them.

Oh, better than I expected.

Ravage is fucking pissed that Megatron joined the Autobots, thereby turning his back on everyone who supported his cause during the last four million years. Despite this grievous betrayal though, the Decepticons haven’t stopped moving. Turns out, Galvatron’s in charge now.

But only if Autobot Megatron isn’t some sort of ploy.

It’s at this point that we learn just why Ravage is here to begin with- to see if Megatron’s truly given up the Decepticons, and if he has, to murder him. But first he’d like to know why this is happening.

Megatron views himself as a monster, having perpetuated a war that ended the lives of billions, destroyed the Cybertronian way of life, ostracized his race from the rest of the universe, and killing just to have something to do. He doesn’t like feeling this way about himself, so he decided to walk away from that life by joining the other team.

Don’t think it’s quite that easy to do, but okay.

Ravage isn’t so sure that this change of heart is going to stick, still convinced that Megatron will snap back to his old self with just a bit more time. Problem is, Megatron may not have a ton of that resource left.

Didn’t they build that body in like an hour so you wouldn’t die? Yeah, no wonder it feels as ill-fitting as a twenty-dollar suit. Thing’s probably made out of pig iron and duct tape.

The lights come on before further self-reflection can be done, and the duo realize that they’ve had guests this whole time.

Someone put the kettle on.

Obviously some fucked up shit happened on this ship. Megatron isn’t so sure that it’s him who did these dirty deeds, however, as he reaches into Ratchet’s mouth and pulls out his brain. Which feels like something that doesn’t really absolve one of guilt, but okay.

Also, ew.

Back with Nautica and Nightbeat, things are getting weird.

Now, this sequence might seem confusing at first blush, but this is because the laws of reality are collapsing around them. Going by clues in the background, we can find the proper, linear progression of time, and thus is conversation. This is what is actually happening:

With the mystery of Brainstorm’s briefcase eluding us once again, we move on to see more graphic aftermaths of violence. Poor Tailgate has been nailed to the wall with a chunk of a metal beam that’s almost as big as he is. The mood lighting for this scene is gorgeous, but I’ve hit my limit for exposing y’all to gore for this issue, so you’ll just have to trust me on this one. Then they find something even more interesting.

Who’s ready for Under Cold Blue Stars… 2!

Back over on the opposite side of the ship, Riptide’s found something nasty. It’s a bunch of dead bodies!

Including, uh, Pipes.

Who already died a while ago.

Hm.

All the bodies in this room are in their alts, and it looks like they’ve all been shot and drilled into, for some reason. Skids brings up that he had a friend who could identify the placement of any robot’s brain module just by knowing what they turned into. Then he reaches into a corpse to see what the drill-hole’s all about. It makes him sick, though maybe not for the reason you might think. He gets on the phone with Nightbeat, who’s called to tell them that they’ve found Overlord.

Still locked in his weird body harness.

And decapitated.

Megatron is on the other line, calling because he’s figured out the same thing Skids has. Someone paid a visit to this ship. Someone nasty.

The gang regroups, and Nautica gets the basics on the DJD, because I guess nobody’s mentioned them even in passing in the last six months, either.

God, what do they even talk about on this ship? Certainly not their feelings.

The reason that one room was filled with alt-modes was because of Tarn’s addiction to transforming; t-cogs are easier to remove when they’ve been used recently.

We get a quick 4/5ths-page gore-fest, then it’s back to making it all about Megatron.

Maybe you should have thought about that before you FUCKING DEFECTED, YOU POOL NOODLE.

Nightbeat’s beginning to put two and two together. There’s an Overlord in the basement. That shouldn’t be, because Overlord got exploded by Chromedome when he mercy-killed Rewind. Something is off about the past of this ship.

Before he can establish his MTMTE everybody-lives-but-then-dies AU though, the quantum foam fucks with the ship. These sons of guns need to get the hell out of here, pronto.

Oh god, what now?

Ravage smells someone inside the Magnus armor, someone who isn’t a part of the usual nesting doll lineup. Megatron reaches into the Crackerjack box and pulls out one hell of a prize.

HE LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVES

Chromedome would be so thrilled, if he still existed.

#transformers #jro #MTMTE #slaughterhouse #issue 32 #maccadam #Hannzreads #incoming analysis #text post #long post #comic script writing

[nachotrash]

ANOTHER EDITION OF INCORRECT QUOTES

ft: @catchmewiddershins @paradise-creator @elektrosonix @lilikags @todd-the-phrog and my irl bestie

Lili: I think I'm falling for you.

Anna: Then get up.

Anna: I dare you to kiss the next person who walks into this room.

Pauline: Screw that, I’m not kissing any of you.

*Wid walks in*

Pauline: Fine, I’ll do it. Rules are rules you know.

Sara: Are you an F5 key? Because that ass is refreashing.

Wid: Are you a software update? because not right now.

Isamu: Is something burning?

Wid, leaning seductively on the counter: Just my desire for you.

Isamu: Wid, the toaster is literally on fire.

Isamu: *seductively takes off glasses*

Isamu: Wow...

Anna: *blushes* Haha... what?

Isamu: You're really fucking blurry.

Anna: Any questions?

Wid: Uh, yeah, WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?

Anna: Uh, a plan, duh...

Shiyu: Wid, chill, I know it’s weird, but Anna has a point.

Wid:

Wid: THAT WAS LITERALLY A PONY DOODLE WITH A HAT!!

Wid: I know this isn’t going to end well and I don’t care. So don’t you try and stop me, Sara!

Sara: I wasn’t stopping you. I was asking if you had a spare camera so I can record this.

Lili: I'm not that stupid!

Shiyu: Lili, you literally ate the wax from a babybel.

Lili: ANNA TOLD ME IT WAS EDIBLE!

Isamu: *visiting the squad* Hello, I just came to-

Isamu: *sees Sara shoving Shiyu into the washing machine while Anna records and Wid watches*

Isamu: *retreating* Something suddenly came up.

Shiyu: I failed my safety training course today.

Lili: Why, what happened?

Shiyu: Well one of the questions was "In case of a fire, what steps would you take?"

Lili: And?

Shiyu: Well apparently "FUCKING LARGE ONES" isn't an acceptable answer.

Lili: How would you like your coffee?

Wid: As dark and as bitter as my soul.

Lili, shouting to someone behind the counter: I need one vanilla latte with extra cream and sugar!

Wid: It’s time to turn this into a real business.

Shiyu: What do you mean? Like, carry a briefcase, and wear a tie, and pay taxes?

Anna: Wait, have you not been paying your taxes?

Sara: I handle our accounting.

(no but this is actually me)

Sara: Honestly, I am so evil. So full of darkness. I feed of the souls of the living I strike fear into-

Anna: You sleep with a teddybear.

Sara: He’s my sECOND IN COMMAND IN MY ARMY OF DARKNESS!

Lili: You are an absolute fucking dork.

Anna, singing: Yeah, but I'm your dork!

Lili: *sighs* Yeah, you're my dork.

Lili: Guys, I didn’t memorize my lines!

Isamu: Just use your lack of common sense! Everyone knows the characters in plays are dumb as fuck!

*During the play*

Pauline: Hey! You finally made it! Did you get the donuts?

Lili: W-what’re donuts?

Pauline: I am darkness. I am an power. I am your worst nightmare. I could kill a man in more ways than you can imagine. I am the night. I am fury, I am a weapon, I am-

Anna: A doll.

Isamu: A cinnamon roll.

Lili: A sweetheart.

Pauline:

Pauline: ...stop it.

Pauline: I think I just figured something out. I got to go.

Wid: Aren't you forgetting something?

Pauline: Uuh...*hesitantly kisses Wid's forehead before running out.*

Wid: No, pay your bill! Damn, who raised you?

Pauline: Why should I make my bed, when I'm just gunna unmake it to sleep in it anyways?

Anna: Why should I feed you if your just gunna die anyways?

Pauline:

Pauline: I'll go make my bed-

Lili: Yo dumbass, get over here.

Shiyu: Okay-

Anna: *gleefully runs past* I’m coming!

Shiyu, sadly: I thought... I was dumbass...

Shiyu: That shirt looks great, Sara.

Sara: Thanks.

Shiyu: But I bet it would look even better on Lili's floor.

Lili: Are you hitting on Sara... for me?

Pauline: I dare you-

Lili: Isamu is not allowed to accept dares anymore.

Pauline: Why not?

Isamu: "I have no regard for my own or others personal safety", as some would say.

Pauline: Dearly Beloved, we are here today to remember Isamu, taken from us in the prime of life; when they were crushed by a runaway semi, driven by the Incredible Hulk.

Isamu: Aww, you knew my favorite cause of death.

Lili: Why are there little handprints all over the walls?

Wid, whispering: Why are there little handprints all over the walls?

Sara, whispering: Because I have little hands.

Wid: Because they have little hands.

Anna: I’ve made a spread sheet of all the crime in Brooklyn.

Anna: There’s so much crime in New York, no one should live here.

Lili: Pros and cons of dating me.

Lili: Pros. You'll be the cute one.

Lili: Cons. Holy shit, where do I begin-

Shiyu: Sometimes I drink milk straight from the container.

Pauline: The cow??

Shiyu: What?

Isamu: Pauline, W H Y?

Lili: We just ate. Why are you making pancakes?

Sara: For the dogs.

Wid: Why are your tongues purple?

Isamu, texting in the group chat: I wonder what Apple shots would look like?

Shiyu: That’s the longest worm I’ve ever seen.

Isamu: Is this your plan B?

Lili: What do you call quantums of electromagnetic radiation that don’t get along?

Sara: Hey, no, you stay out of this, this is between me and Isamu!

Anna: Truth or dare?

Isamu: How many children do you have?

Isamu, tearing up the room: Where are they?

Sara, very tired: Can I sleep in your bed?

Isamu: I failed my safety training course today.

Pauline, watching Isamu and Sara fight: Are you sure they should be fighting? What if they get hurt?

(ok but this is kinda accurate)

Isamu: Do you want some tea?

Pauline: I have an idea.

Wid: When I was a kid, Isamu told me that the paper strip that’s in the chocolate kisses were edible and I ate them with the chocolate for a year.

Pauline: What the fuck? People actually tell their crushes they like them??

Shiyu: What's wrong with you?

Wid: I intend to stay pissed at you forever.

Anna, hungover: Please tell me I'm imagining that I claimed I was king of the ducks.

Anna, holding a rock: Isamu just gave this to me and said "I feel like you deserve the moon but all I can give you is a rock".

Anna: What do you have?

Pauline: Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my actions.

Lili: Alright, listen up you little shits.

Anna: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal, that's where the blood's supposed to be!

Pauline: So are you gonna explain how the hell you crashed my car?

Sara: How stupid do you think I am?!

Pauline: Honestly, I am so evil. So full of darkness. I feed of the souls of the living I strike fear into-

Lili: I'm going the fight the next person who insults Pauline.

Lili: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no idea what to put in them. Any suggestions?

Anna: I wanna die.

Shiyu: Are you sure this is safe?

Wid: My life is a little too much panic and not enough disco.

Isamu: The time to act is now.

Isamu: Shiyu won’t wake up, what do I do?

Isamu: Why doesn’t Pauline find me sexy when I bite my lip?

Wid: Anna's first detention, I'm so proud.

Pauline: She's the girl of my dreams!

(and now, an only ship edition)

Pauline: So, are you two dating now?

Anna: I didn't drink that much last night.

Anna: Did you know you remind me of all 26 letters of the alphabet?

Shiyu: Just a minute. I need to go take out the trash.

Isamu: *sees Anna and Pauline together*

Pauline: Two years ago, I married my best friend.

Anna: Well, remember when Lili made a romantic dinner for me?

Isamu: Sara, let’s go!

Anna: Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Wid: Is this your plan B?

Shiyu: I would never say that my partner is a bitch and I don’t don’t like them. That’s not true… My partner is a bitch and I like them so much!

Lili: I find it very unseemly of Shiyu to start dating again. Isn't the customary period of mourning 10 years?

Shiyu: Hey, Pauline? Can I get some dating advice?

Shiyu: I still have no idea how I’m attracted to you...

Isamu: Someone take me to art museums and make out with me.

Anna: Guys, my friend here is bilingual.

Sara: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-

Anna: So... who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon?

Shiyu: Isamu kissed me!

Sara: Ooh, somebody has a crush

Lili: *sees Anna and Shiyu together*

*playing twister*

Wid: So, what is Shiyu to you?

Shiyu: Why are your tongues purple?

#incorrect nacho

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

Hello! So, I mean, this might be out of the blue, ambiguous and crazy to answer (but it's something I think about a lot, and you touched upon it in a previous ask and would love your further perspective on!) but let's say, at the end of The Return of The King, Grima lived! What do you personally think his journey and path would look like from there?

Grima asks are never out of the blue - I always want them <3 Thank you so much for asking!!

--

man ok - well Grima at the end of ROTK is in a really dark place. Frodo, Gandalf et al first run into Grima and Saruman on the road near the misty mountains as the make their slow return journey from Gondor. 

As they (Frodo, Merry, Pippin, Gandalf) came out again into the open country at sundown they overtook an old man leaning on a staff, and he was clothed in rags of grey or dirty white, and at his heels went another beggar, slouching and whining. 

[...]

‘Get up you idiot!’ he (Saruman) shouted to the other beggar, who had sat down on the ground; and he struck him with his staff. ‘Turn about! If these fine folk are going our way, then we will take another. Get on, or I’ll give you no crust for your supper!’ 

The beggar turned and slouched past whimpering: ‘Poor old Grima! Poor old Grima! Always beaten and cursed. How I hate him! I wish I could leave him!’ 

‘Then leave him!’ said Gandalf. 

a man who has never been in an abusive situation in his life, clearly. 

‘One thief deserves another,’ said Saruman (to Merry), and turned his back on Merry, and kicked Wormtongue, and went away towards the wood. 

Great guy, Saruman. 

And the famous scouring of the Shire bit that everyone on here misremembers when it comes to Grima’s whole situation: 

But Frodo said: (...) But I will not have him (Saruman) slain. It is useless to meet revenge with revenge: it will heal nothing. Go Saruman, by the speediest way!’ 

‘Worm! Worm!’ Saruman called; and out of a nearby hut came Wormtongue, crawling, almost like a dog. ‘To the road again, Worm!’ Said Saruman. ‘These fine fellows and lordlings are turning us adrift again. Come along!’ 

[Saruman tries to stab Frodo as he leaves and Sam gets ready to shank a bitch. Frodo stops him saying: ‘...He is fallen, and his cure is beyond us; but I would still spare him, in the hope that he may find it.’ ...]

He (Saruman) walked away, and the hobbits made a lane for him to pass; but their knuckles whitened as they gripped on their weapons. Wormtongue hesitated, and then followed his master. 

‘Wormtongue!’ called Frodo. ‘You need not follow him. I know of no evil you have done to me. You can rest and food here a while, until you are stronger and can go your own ways.’ 

Wormtongue halted and looked back at him, half prepared to stay. Saruman turned. ‘No evil?’ he cackled. ‘Oh no! Even when he sneaks out at night it is only to look at the stars. But did I hear someone ask where poor Lotho is hiding? You know, don’t you Worm? Will you tell them?’ 

Wormtongue cowered down and whimpered: ‘No, no!’

‘Then I will,’ said Saruman. ‘Worm killed your chief, poor little fellow, your nice little Boss. Didn’t you, Worm? Stabbed him in his sleep, I believe. Buried him, I hope; though Worm has been very hungry lately. No, Worm is not really nice. You had better leave him to me.’ 

A look of wild hate came into Wormtongue’s red eyes. ‘You told me to; you made me do it,’ he hissed. 

Saruman laughed. ‘You do what Sharkey says, always, don’t you, Worm? Well, now he says: follow!’ He kicked Wormtongue in the face as he grovelled, and turned and made off. But at that something snapped: suddenly Wormtongue rose up, drawing a hidden knife, and then with a snarl like a dog he sprang on Saruman’s back, jerked his head back, cut his throat, and with a yell ran off down the lane. Before Frodo could recover or speak a word, three hobbit-bows twanged and Wormtongue fell dead. 

A sad end to a very sad life. 

-

So that’s the canon ending, obviously. A very neat, pat ending where all the baddies are dead, everyone who is broken will disappear into an asylum and/or die take a boat to the grey havens and life will move on. 

How nice. 

-

Alright, now for the speculation! My favourite thing. 

Assuming Grima lived, god knows what his journey afterwards would look like. He’s mentally (and physically) in a bad way after having been physically (and emotionally) abused and starved by Saruman for the last year/two years. Saruman may have lost his powers, but he’s still terrifying force to be reckoned with. I don’t know how much Grima would be capable of on his own in terms of survival. 

That said, Grima’s made it this far. He’s clearly got something in him that’s keeping him alive. Something in him wants to live. It might not know how to go about doing that, but it’s there, and that’s important. 

So he’s stabbed Saruman, A+ work. The hobbits don’t shoot him. The question is then: does he take up Frodo’s offer or does his fuck off into the wilderness. 

I can see him going either direction, honestly. But I suspect, given that he’s starving and in a bad way physically, I suspect he’d stay for a time. Now, considering what’s happened to him in the general vicinity of Bagend, I’m not sure how long Grima will stay, but I do think he’d rest there for a short while. Get a proper meal or two in him. Take a bath. That sort of thing. 

From there he could go to somewhere like Bree or Dale, take up a new name/new life and try and move on, as much as a person can in a world that has absolutely no support networks for people who have gone through bad shit. 

If he stayed for a longer period with Frodo? I could see Sam putting him to work. 

‘I need someone to help me garden.’ 

‘...I know about horses?’

‘Plants are easier, trust me.’ 

‘....Are they though?’ 

Considering the fact that Grima has been dehumanized (Worm; like a dog; cur) and treated as worthless/unworthy by one of the more powerful beings in Middle Earth - and one who was once Great! Who was once wise and wonderful! I suspect he’s going to have a difficult time accepting kindness? 

Frodo, of course, would be generous and understanding, because it’s Frodo and that’s the measure of man he is. Truly one of the nicest and most forgiving and tender people in the series. 

Aragorn said of Grima that if he walked out of Orthanc alive it would be too good for him. 

(Everyone is a lot meaner in the books. Funnier, yes, but also meaner. Then there’s the weird Faramir moment where he’s all up on that “Numenorian Blood Quantum Is Important” nonsense (tell that to your brother who has no blood of the Westernese in him...) There’s a lot of Oooof moments). 

Frodo, though, Frodo is one of the genuinely kind and loving people who would never think such cruel things about anyone. 

But back to Grima, I think the line Gillian Flynn wrote about how when you’re weaned on poison, it makes kindness seem like a cruelty is very relevant here. The first step to healing is allowing yourself to admit that you deserve to be healed, that you deserve love. That’s a very hard thing to allow, to acknowledge is something you are worthy of having. 

And so it would be difficult, for him, to accept kindness and gentleness from Frodo, or anyone else. But if he was doing something to “earn” it, that might make it more palatable. 

Which is a shame, since if there is anyone who understands the power and allure of the dark lord/Saruman etc. and how that can mess you up and contort you into someone you don’t recognize anymore, it’s Frodo.

-

Would Grima go back to Rohan? I don’t think so. Unless there were some wild, unexpected circumstances that brought him there, I truly don’t see him returning home. He’s torched that bridge pretty successfully - at least, I’m sure that’s how he sees it. 

Now if he did. If something Bat Shit happened - and he went back. It would be wild and very emotional.  

A Rider of Rohan, lost in the shire: I’m looking for a Mr Baggins? I understand he might know where Gandalf is? We sort of need some magic help in Rohan. 

Hobbit: Turn left at the end of the lane, go past Grubby Harold’s llama farm, stop at the intersection with the red sign, take the third exit of the roundabout, turn right, turn left, turn left again, take the second switch back up the hill, at the crest of the hill, take the path that turns left at the big tree that someone carved Fuck Lobelia into and that should get you close. 

Rider: 

Rider: Right. 

Rider eventually shows up, Grima’s out front updating Sam on some shit that Pansy Fielding said to Fardulf Braceblower, an ongoing war that has existed since the Dawn of Time. Sam is like “Please never stop telling me all the gossip, I live for this shit.”

Frodo: How did you hear about this? 

Grima: I might have set up an informant’s network but it’s solely to trawl for entertaining gossip.  

Rider approaches: Oh dear gods. 

Grima: 

Grima: Go get fucked, Gundahar. 

Sam: Friend? 

Grima & Gundahar: No. 

Anyway. The rider tells Frodo that he’s after Gandalf because XYZ is happening in Rohan and Eomer-king is annoyed and “wants it dealt with, preferably yesterday”. Grima knows what’s up because you know, resident Spook Master also he was spending a lot of time around a lore-filled Wizard. Might as well get something for the years of mistreatment. 

Gundahar: He’s not coming back to Rohan. 

Frodo: We’re going on a road trip, Sam. Let’s get packed. 

Sam: I’m so ready for this. 

Grima: But I’m not going back to Rohan. 

Gundahar: He’s not coming back to Rohan. 

Frodo: Too late, he’s coming with us. Neither of us can be left alone for too long or we go weird in the head. 

Merry: Oh we’re going to Rohan? Well, as a member of the royal court I’m coming. 

Gundahar: .... How is this happening? 

Grima: Hobbits, they move in herds. 

Pippin: WAIT FOR ME! 

Gandalf is UPSET that he has to travel with Grima. Grima says it’s mutual. He doesn’t like wizards. Especially wizards in white. He gets weird about hoarding food when Gandalf is around. 

Grima then has to visit Theoden’s grave and have a lot of emotions about everything and it’s a Lot.

I don’t think he’d stay, though. Either he’d go back with Frodo or he might go on to Gondor or out east or something. Travel for a while. 

- 

I’ve gone off on some tangents here. Ahem. 

But in general, I see his journey going in one of two directions: one where he fucks off after murdering Saruman and takes up a life somewhere else like Bree, or wherever, probably drinks too much and is miserable until he dies. 

The other is where he accepts Frodo’s offer and either just chills in the Shire being the resident gossip-monger and mischief maker (Frodo: NO MISCHIEF. Grima: we can make a little mischief .., as a treat?) or he accepts the offer, stays for a while to get back on his feet and shake off some of the darkness, then goes off to travel around. Maybe he settles somewhere, maybe he doesn’t. Regardless if he stays or goes, it is a better ending to his life than he probably hoped for or expected. 

And it shows the power and importance of kindness and love. Healing only happens if there is love and gentleness. And it’s terrifying - of course it is - but it’s so necessary. 

-

Ok I am so sorry for my dissertation on Grima. I love talking about him so much.  

Thank you!! <3 <3 

#lotr #lord of the rings #grima wormtongue #frodo #samwise gamgee #rohan #ask #reply #return of the kings #rotk