#BUT I DONT I WILL NEVER HAVE A CHANCE IM GONNA FUCKING KILL MYSELF

[valpuduzz]

talking about getting bitches with my crush...... like noooo im lying about getting bitches the only bitch i want is you 😭😭😭😭

#the meowing of a cat 🐱 #heart eyes kitty 😻 #if this crush doesnt disipate by summer vacation i dont think i will go to otakon #like genuinely this shit fucking sucks ass i dont want to feel this beautiful wonderful pain anymore #especially considering he's in a loving relationship already so it hurts that i dont even have a chance #like if he was single it wouldnt be as painful because at least i can tell myself i have a chance #BUT I DONT I WILL NEVER HAVE A CHANCE IM GONNA FUCKING KILL MYSELF #I HATE THIS PLEASE #I HATE THIIISSSSSS

[t0rturedangel]

How about the Hazbin hotel gang with seraphim child reader who just somehow appeared after ep 8

╭ . . . 𝚊𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚌 𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚙𝚛𝚒𝚜𝚎 ੭

𝐇𝐀𝐙𝐁𝐈𝐍 𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐋 𝐂𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐗 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑 ⿻  𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘢 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦??

⌦ 𝒲𝒜𝑅𝒩𝐼𝒩𝒢𝒮 ﹕angel dust - swearing, just him being him. Alastor - ill intent, possible swearing. Mentions of killing, mentions of blood. Nifty - she tries to kill you, dw you dont die. this too me so long im gonna cry

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ okay, firstly just know that the crew goes fucking crazy- I mean they just fought an entire army of exorcist angels and killed Adam, the first man Adam!! So they all think that you're sort of there to try and punish them all for it, so they all get ready to attack (even though you're LITERALLY a child, children are wild though)

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ that's until Charlie, bless her heart, recognizes you (and depending on if you tried to defend her in court just like Emily) and rushes up to you, holding her arms out happily- thats until Angel Dust surprisingly tries to stop her

"It's you!" Charlie gasped, her eyes widening in a pleasant surprise, you were the third and youngest seraphim and much like your older sister Emily felt the need to defend Charlie and her idea of redemption- the thought of allowing those who suffered to see the error of their ways and correct them and then given their reward of eternal peace sounded brilliant, much like Emily you were horrified to learn of the exterminations. You were the first one to openly agree to what Charlie had said despite Adam's comments and facial expressions, you also helped Emily in trying to make the court see what was wrong with this method, unfortunately your plans did not work, though Charlie remembered your efforts and clearly she enjoys your presence. At the glee in her tone, you smiled and stepped forward, wanting to give a hug to the princess of hell though paused in confusion when someone looking oddly like a spider stopped her.

"Woah there toots!" the spider called out to his friend, grabbing her arm to halt her movement- Angel dust was staring both you and Charlie down- a look of uncertainty and distrust painted all over his face "Why ya going to rando angels? what if they were sent down here to finish the job for Adam?", Angel did have a point- you appeared put of no where and was just standing outside the hotel? pretty suspicious.. though Charlie is quick to cool things down "Oh no no no! They're alright, they're a friend! They mean no harm at all- in fact [name] was one of the angels who supported my idea!" she turned to you joyfully, smiling from ear to ear "We can trust them!" ... "okay but how did they end up here? in uh hell?" Husk piped up, his voice full of boredom- or annoyance (you can never really tell with husk, what an odd man) "Oh I fell! ... or rather- I threw myself out of heaven" you happily answered the question, giving everyone a quick second to process what the actual fuck you just said.

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ thats how you joined the hotel! Pretty nice innit??

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐄

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ Charlie adores you! you're such a sweet little thing, you're a sweetie and are just so kind to everyone!! (at least that's what she likes to think)

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ she thinks of you as a little small sibling!, after all you're the youngest of the team and act just like her, plus she always wanted a little sibling so you're perfect!

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ any ideas she thinks of or any redemption exorcises she runs them by you- to see if they can be more or less effective to get her friends into heaven

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ Since Charlie could only stay in heaven for so long, she loves to ask you about heaven and how it was like- always being so invested in your stories, she honestly cannot get enough of them!

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ also, Charlie is... painfully aware that she can never get into heaven, ever. Afterall, she's not only a hell-born but also literally the heir to the throne of hell so yeah there is no chance for her redemption, something she cannot handle- she cries knowing this but now that she has you- someone who ran from heaven, actively choosing to leave and come here gives her comfort. Now she'll never be alone, she has you and you have her!

𝐋𝐔𝐂𝐈𝐅𝐄𝐑

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ At first, Lucifer was startled and untrusting of you- you're a seraphim, someone that was just like him and could possibly actually take him down despite you being an actual child.

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ over time, the king of hell did grow warmer to you, after all he sees a bit of himself in you. Both ex-angels, both hate heaven.... it's like you're his second little one!

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ Sometimes, when lucifer isnt busy with his actual child, he hangout with you- entertaining you with his magic while you return the favor with little stories and things, sometimes you even create little gifts like flowers for him.

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ Lucifer vows to keep you safe, even though you can easily take down hundreds of sinners and even overlords, it's paternal instincts what can i say?

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ this man totally makes you ducks- he has enough experience in making ducks so you know own a few dozen in your hotel room- how lovely!!

𝐀𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ oh this man, this radio demon. He's out for your soul, absolutely hell-driven to get it, and it's all for power (who could have guessed)

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ He doesnt like kids, in fact he can confirm that he absolutely HATES children though he will act all kind and lovely to you- remember though it's all an act! don't fall for it, he just wants your soul (if he gets your soul, your angelic soul? fuck- he'll be even more powerful than before, having an angel's soul would make him practically invincible!)

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ This guy, funny fella really. HE CANNOT BUGGER OFF. Whenever you need help with anything he's the first to appear and offer a helping hand- and then in return as a favor back asks for a deal- is he serious? (yes. he always is)

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ Alastor though also, much like everyone else becomes a a bit soft for you- occasionally creating those little weird shadow creatures to play with you, since everyone around you are adults and are busy it's a way of keeping you entertained when they're busy

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ He, also, understands that you are more powerful than him- and knows that if he gets on your nerves enough he'll probably become dust.

𝐍𝐈𝐅𝐓𝐘

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ at first, Nifty only had one goal: to kill you (hey don't blame her! Charlie told her to stab and she's still under that impression)

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ good for you though!! coz you fly up right as she even tries to stab her dagger through your chest- Charlie and Vaggie immediately grabbing nifty to stop her from moving and killing you.

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ after the whole misunderstanding, Nifty actually enjoys begin with you! you're clean, and help kill bugs (well really it's you pointing the bugs out to Nifty and her killing them)

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ You're, unsurprisingly, taller than Nif so she likes to climb up on you and sit on your shoulders or stand on your back while holding onto your shoulders. She finds you the most comfortable to climb- plus she can hide in your wings and be used as a secret weapon.

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ she adores playing with roaches with you- while you are grossed out by it slightly, you still play to entertain Nifty (then after you sanitize your whole body about ten times)

𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋 𝐃𝐔𝐒𝐓

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ angel tends to avoid you, not out of hate or spite or anything- it's just.... well he is aware of how he is and well he doesnt want to ruin you in the sense of his dirty talk and swearing.

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ though occasionally he finds himself stuck looking after you, which is.... fun.... no i mean really its fun as fuck!!! Angel makes all sorts of jokes, offers you alcohol (you did almost take it if it werent for husk and practically everyone else to all collectively pry the bottle of vodka out of your hands)

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ angel dust also teaches you some very creative swear words! so now, whenever you feel like talking you run around screaming weird insults at people, Alastor has heard you shout "EAT ASS AND DIE HORSE FACE FUCK BITCH!!" a few times to random sinners

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ The... star, is actually proud of teaching you those words- hey if you wanna stay in hell you gotta act like it!

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ hides you away from Val- though somehow you still find out about him, and when you learnt how he treated your spider-friend.. uhm, the studio was in smithereens and val was close to death- now permanently loosing his right arm (just his right arm for now)

𝐇𝐔𝐒𝐊

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ to you, Husk is like the weird- drunk uncle who just got out of prison. Though, he's the cool drunk uncle.

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ Husk doesnt really speak to you, which is brilliant coz you dont really speak- so the two of you communicate through looks and gestures, leaving everyone in the hotel watching you two 'talk' very confused.

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ never gives you alcohol, no matter how much you ask with 'cherries on top' and if he does catch you with any intoxicating drinks he snatches them off of you- scolds you a bit then drinks the beverage himself.... hypocrite

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ Husk helps you avoid Alastor, he doesnt want to see you being under his clutches, you dont deserve that you're just a kid.

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ He also teaches you how to do magic tricks just incase you ever want to become a magician... and sometimes he teaches you how to play card games- or how to gamble

𝐕𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐈𝐄

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ In all honestly, Vaggie is very much threatened by you- because like, do i even need to say it?? YOU'RE A SERAPHIM !!!!!

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ Buttt as long as Charlie is okay with you and you don't pull any stunts to try and sabotage the team you're alright! Just dont try anything.... please

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ she accidently treats you like a soldier sometimes- a habit from her exorcist days, speaking of you could immediately tell she was one of those angels and while you did not like her at first you grew to like her- viewing her as a second older sister

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ you and Vaggie sometimes sit and remember old times in heaven- and you'd ask about the exterminations, though quickly stopped after noting her discomfort.

⿻ㅤㅤᱺ Vaggies also likes to try and swap weapons with you- to see if she and you can handle other weapons (unsurprisingly you both adapt quite quickly)

#જ⁀➴﹒⁾⁾ 𝑶𝑹𝑪𝑯𝑰𝑫 / 𝑹𝑶𝑺𝑬𝑴𝑨𝑹𝒀 𝑾𝑹𝑰𝑻𝑬𝑺 ✫ #requested #x reader #requested x reader #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #angel reader #child reader #fluff #sort of yandere? #possibly ooc #ooc #x you #x y/n #hazbin hotel charlie #charlie morningstar #charlie morningstar x reader #hazbin hotel lucifer #lucifer morningstar #lucifer morningstar x reader #hazbin hotel alastor #alastor x reader #alastor the radio demon #hazbin hotel nifty #nifty #nifty x reader #hazbin hotel angel dust #angel dust #angel dust x reader #hazbin hotel husk

[like-wuatafauq]

I can't hurt you back like that not even if I wanted to. I always just wanted to protect you and be there for you and I couldn't even do that. I'm sorry.

#i couldnt be there because i thought you saw me as repulsive #i dont blame you #i rather be alone as i have been all this time #i could never purposely hurt you not even out of revenge it just wasnt in me #there i said it #ive lost too much and i told myself im never gonna force my heart ever again so do it do it do it do it over& over& watch me just lay there #you want the truth? ive been alone since that night i couldnt even leave u to get u something to drink bcuz #the thought of you opening the door and not seeing me there killed me #if by any fucking chance you wanted me youre gonna have to convince me bcuz i cant fucking get up #if you want me out youre gonna fucking have to drag my dead body out the fucking door

[pap3rcherry]

W W W W WAITTT. I dont know If you do this but can you do a Δlice x reader but the reader is always sneaking into her room. (IF NOT I APOLOGIES A MILLION TIMES.)

୨୧ HANSEL ✮⋆˙

Alice x Reader who keeps sneaking into her room

Tw: Slight killing mentions but nothing more than that.

A/N: i was waiting for this moment, reader is gender neutral, Alice is frustrated, your frustrating, probably OOC Alice, Oliver and Alice arent dating in this, kind of short , im in a hurry rn so its prob poorly made 😭 (didnt know if you wanted hcs or oneshot so i did oneshot)

Type: Fluff, Romantic, Oneshot

୨୧ You are so frustrating, you really are, why do you keep doing this?

You kept sneaking into her room, and everytime, she would attack you for it and YOU somehow kept escaping her claws and KEPT coming back, she thought at first tha you had a death wish, then she thought you were trying to annoy her, but now, she just gave up and was here, feeling you lean against her and babble about something, probably about your classes and collegues.

—“Uh, Alice, are u even hearing?” your loving annoying voice invaded her ears and snapped her back into reality as she turned her attention to your face, who was puzzled and awaiting for her answer even though you probably knew it and Alice simply looking at you for some time gave that confirmation, you simply sighed, but before you could even talk, Alice spoke up with her dark and firm tone.

—“why do you keep coming here?” The princess spoke up, simply looking at you with an angry countenance, and what made her more annoyed is how your expression simply looked unbothered by her question and you taking your time to answer, cant u get a fucking hint?

—"Because, you seen to never have any visitors, so i decided to be your first one to keep you company" you said, normally and happily, you thought that your comment wouldnt really have much meaning to Alice but that struck the demon girl like a lightning, someone, wanting to keep HER company? thats new.

—“wait, did you have any visitors before me?" Alice looked at you with an unreadable look, as if she was analyzing something about you, before a silly smirk crept on her face.

—“well, i did have, but, none of them got out to see the light of day, so i guess your the only one that counts” Alice said with an smug and oddly cute smile no one ever got the chance to get off of her, so that alone was one heck of an achievement.

—“im honored to be the first visitor to the royal princess Alice” you said in a playful tone as you gestured a silly bown with ur head, getting a little breathy laugh out of the brown haired girl who tickled ur cheek with the point of her claw.

maybe you werent really that bad ♡

A/N:(im gonna go eat now and rest then come back to writing, dont wanna burn myself with writing)

#୨୧ cherry works #fpe #fpe alice #alice x reader #fundamental paper education x reader #fundamental paper education #alice fpe #fpe x reader #fluff

[as-i-watch]

Hey I know you’re busy and is very possible you don’t want to take time for this,

But would you consider ranking your favorite duos of the straw hats?

I WOULD LOVE TO

And im gonna make it a Top 10 just bc i can

Brase yourselves

10. Zoro + Sanji

I dont even ship them but there's a reason why they are such a popular ship. They are very entertaining and you know when they go solo shits gonna happen

9. Brook + Zoro

They dont have that many moments just the two of them but oh god they are good. They are opposites in the swordman spectrum

8. Luffy + Robin

Problem and Problem Enabler. He has no braincell, she has them all. He is full of bad ideas and cero preservation insticts and she wants to fuck around and find out.

7. Franky + Robin

Married.

6. Sanji + Usopp

I dont ship it but i respect Sanuso shippers so much. Usopp being totally able to handle himself but chosing not to when Sanji is around just bc Sanji will always play into his knight in shinning armour ideal if given the chance. Usopp not being afraid to be the damsel in distress vs Sanji's frail masculinity, its so funny to me

5. Zoro + Nami

Actual siblings. They will never tell eachother they love them, they fight like crazy but would kill and die for eachother without question. Himbo brother and Big Sister

4. Chopper + Zoro

Zoro met Chopper and lit become the meme 'I've only had him for 24hs but if anything happens to him i will kill everyone in this room and then myself'. And Chopper? Chopper is the only reason Zoro's dumb ass is still alive today

3. Usopp + Luffy

When they get together all their cells in their bodies vibrate in the same frequency. Nothing is serious, they will follow everysingle idiot impulse in their bodies just for fun.

2. Usopp + Nami

They most BFF to ever BFF. They have the best time and support eachother throught the monster trio bullshit. Allies, siblings, partners in crime, fellow bitches.

1. These two meatheads

There's absolute no other way around it. They cannot be left alone. They could set fire to the kitchen trying to open a can of food or overthrow a goverment in the same amount of time. Everything and anything can happen. There's no braincells ever, there's never been.

#honorable mention to brook and franky #one piece #straw hat crew #straw hat pirates #ask: op #ask

[csprslvt]

you and i, and her. pt 3

Chapter two (see rest of the chapters for context)

Summary: Ellie comforts (or tries to) reader who is in misery from the loss of her past and her life before. Joel and Tommy go missing and Ellie watches her father figures life fall away. (Joels death)

Warnings: GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION OF JOELS DEATH, obvious spoilers, reader is depressed, TORTURE, THE GOLF CLUB SCENE, MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH, traumatized Ellie.

Overtime, routine took place, Ellie would come get you in the mornings when she wasn't patrolling, you'd visit the horses and didn't run into Dina again after the incident weeks prior. But still despite the fact that you had a friend again. Your heart ached with every thought of Abby.

You would lay in bed at night disconnected from reality, trying so hard to remember where she would be, how you came about to be bloody and lost in the woods, and why she hadn't come looking for you yet.

It was better for your aching chest to assume she had passed on rather than thinking she had truly left you behind and would never come back. And in the darkness of the night, all you wanted was to mourn but you couldn't seem to cry. It left bubbled up emotion in your chest that would take your mood for days at a time. Pretending to be okay was not reliable anymore. And one morning you had ignored Ellies calls. Figuring she would walk away.

But Ellie was oh so persistent.

Laying in bed, you seemed a mess, holding onto your locket and rubbing the cool metal. 

Ellie stormed in, kicking open the door with a hurried frenzy. 

You jumped.

“Ellie! What the fuck!”

“You asshole, you've been ignoring me! I've been knocking for like five minutes, I thought you died!” Ellie looked at you, clearly displeased. But upon seeing your empty, woeful eyes she softened and sat beside you.

“You gonna tell me what's up?”

“Nothing is up.”

“Nuh uh, don't lie to me. You haven't gotten up at all. You ignored me which, you never do, and you haven't been… yourself”

You sighed, pulling the covers over your head.

“ I can't tell you.”

“What? Why not? I'm a good listener!”

“ I know you are Ellie but there are certain things I'm not even sure about.”

“ You're worried about how you got here again.”

“Ellie-”

“y/n, I dont know what happened to you but I knew from the look on your face that it was bad. You were covered in blood and tired, I could've killed you and you didn't even seem fazed…but whatever happened, you're safe now. That's what matters”

You removed the covers and looked at Ellie, making eye contact.

“ I feel like…like I left something behind. Something important, and I can't shake it off! Every night im having these dreams and-”

“What dreams?”

You flushed,

Your nights were filled with Abby. Her hands, her touches, her words, her whispered ‘I love yous’ . But they were also filled with blood, fear and the smell of putrid death. They were filled with the intense feeling of abandonment, shame and loss.

“I just feel so empty.”

At this Ellie looked extremely concerned, she placed a hand on your back rubbing circles and she tried to comfort you as best as she knew how.

“Is there…are you empty because you're depressed or are you empty because you miss somebody?” Ellie questioned, she knew the feeling well, especially after Dina.

“I just, I remember being so happy despite everything, I remember little bits and pieces of the life I had and then at the same time, I left it behind and I can't figure out why and I hate myself for ruining it all.”

Ellie moves and goes to hold your hand.

“y/n, you must've left for a reason, you were covered in blood for god's sake, clearly you just need to rest and let yourself feel rather than hiding it all. I promise you, here you'll be safe and you can start another chance to be happy again. I understand things are hard, but you won't feel this way forever…It'll be okay.”

You held Ellies hand tightly as if she was your life line. Needing something to keep you grounded.

“I know”

Ellie signed, “I know I'm not the best at communicating but I'm so glad I have a friend around again. And I want you to be happy, I care about you. And you can always talk to me about what's on your mind.”

The thing is, I can't. I can't talk about Abby, I can't talk about the people I've killed and the nightmares I have about it.It's just too much.

“Okay.”

Ellie gazed at you one last time, clearly noticing you can't be soothed. You needed something she couldn't provide and what exactly that thing was, she was unsure. 

Ellie got up, letting go of your hand. “I’ll bring you something to eat”

You smiled a little. She was just trying to help you.

“Okay Ellie”

As she opened the door you spoke again,

“Ellie?”

“Yea?”

“Thank you.”

“Dont worry about it.” 

The girl then left your sight, closing the door behind her.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To say Ellie was worried was an understatement.

The moment she left your cabin, her face showed pure panic.

What if y/n leaves jackson? What if you look for whoever it was that you'd abandoned and never returned? What if, what if, what if….

Her mind was racing, sure, you being sad was concerning because she cared, she wanted your happiness, you were her only real friend. But it was also a concern of you leaving her alone. She couldn't.

For the better (or for the worst) Her thoughts were interrupted by Dina approaching her right as she stepped out of your cabin.

Fuck.

“Hey Ellie, I see you've gotten comfy with y/n, crawling out of her cabin like that”

“Dina, it's not like that. She's my friend, and we were just talking…” Ellie spoke with a high, nervous pitch

God Dammit now I seem suspicious 

“Sure, let me see her, I need to talk with her”

Ellies face changed with a confused stare.

“With y/n?”

“Yes. With y/n, that's whose house you're sneaking out of isn't it?”

“Oh my god Dina it isn't like that. Listen, she's having a hard time, leave her alone.”

“Why so hostile Ellie?”

Ellie tensed up.

“You know why.”

Dina sighed, her eyes softened, she reached out to grasp Ellies shoulder but the girl flinched away.

“Ellie, I'm sorry, it was for the better.”

“Don't give me that bullshit, we could've made it work”

Dina pinched the bridge of her nose.

“I don't have time for this.”

“What do you want to talk to y/n for”

“Listen, I've been patrolling and there's someone-”

“Ellie! Ellie!”

A frantic voice yells, running to Ellie pausing the conversation,

“Jesse? What's wrong”

“It's Joel and Tommy, they haven't come back.”

“What?” a cold sweat presperates across Ellie's brow. The hair on the back of her neck stood up with a deathly chill going up her spine.

Something in Jesse’s face led Ellie to believe something sinister had happened and without thinking, she ran to the stables and grabbed her gear.

She had been riding for a while, until she heard a scream. A loud, terrifying, blood curdling scream. 

“Joel.”

It repeated over and over again, until Ellie wanted to bash her head in to stop the noises but she continued, trying to find him. A crazed look on her face, she was hyperventilating, her chest tight and her heart crushing with only the worst thoughts coming to her, filling her mind, body and soul.

Please no.

She eventually stopped at a house and her stomach felt like it would drop at any second. 

She wandered into the building and the screams got louder. She knew it was him, she would recognize that voice anywhere.

The pained noises lead her to an ominous hallway. The shouting became gurgling almost as if someone was being waterboarded. Or drowning in their own blood.

Readying her weapon and slammed open the door. Joel was on the floor, beaten and bloody. A woman stood above him with a golf club in her hands.

A bloody golf club.

No. Please no.

She held up her gun but before she was given time to react her body fell to the floor, being attacked from the side. 

“Get off of me!”

“Tie her hands!”

“Get the fuck off of me!”

Ellie struggled against her attacker's hold. 

“Bitch.”

Two, maybe three kicks hit her stomach, hard, it felt like a deep intense pressure, strangling her insides in the worst way possible.The force of steel toe boots on her guts made her feel like she would vomit.

Another man came, restraining the person beating her relentlessly.

“You got her okay? You got her”

“Let go!”

Ellies throat filled with blood and she tasted its metallic drip falling from her nose.

“Youre gonna fucking die!”

“What's going on?” A tall built male walked towards Joel's abuser. Ellie is still struggling for release of the hold on her.

“Let him go!”

“Who is that?” a woman questioned obviously

“She snuck in…”

They spoke amongst themselves, and Ellie stared at them, wildly moving, trying, pleading, hoping she would muster up the strength to make them all pay.

“Why aren't you posted outside?”

“We didn't think anyone would show up”

“The hell did you expect?”

“We gotta get out of here before the whole town is on top of us”

The man turned to the woman, she was built like an Ox, tall, with a blond braid down her back.

“You're done.”

“You want what I want, right?”

“End it .Now”

The women turned towards Joel, a crumpled mess on the floor.

“Joel, get up”

He did nothing but blink.

“Joel, fucking get up.” Ellie begged, she felt like her world was ending with his life fading away. 

“Please stop!” Ellie was never one to say please but she was filled with desperation.

“Please don't do this..” The golf club raised

“Joel please get up!”

A sickening crunch played in Ellie's ears as the golf club bashed into Joel's head, at full strength.

“No!”

Sobs wracked through Ellies body. Her lungs filled with blood and her nose drenched in it. Snot ran down her lips.

“Burn in hell, pendejo” a kick.

Rage made its way to Ellie’s spine, the burning, crippling need for vengeance rang through her entirely. Beginning to consume her.

The man had taken a gun and pointed it to her.

All she could say was no

“Ill fucking kill you” she spoke, before the voices became muffled noises and consciousness left her. Unable to fight back.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eventually, she awoke, and there you were, by her side. 

“I'm sorry Ellie.”

“Jesse, they're down here!”

Somehow you had ended up looking for Ellie when you started getting anxious about how you left off, Jesse had told you she had gone looking for Joel. And you being you, followed her.

You had heard screams but didn't make it in time. You only discovered the area had been evacuated with Ellies body on the floor. You gasped when your eyes fell on Joel. He was without a pulse.

He was gone.

“Oh Ellie I'm so sorry” you had whispered again and again, trying to wake her up.

Eventually she came too, weak and trembling, 

“No, no no no” She cried.

You'd taken her back, while Jesse carried the body of Joel, still warm but his heart had stopped.

You shielded her eyes from her body, trying to not traumatize her further with the site but she wouldn't stop staring. She was a shell. She would never be the same.

#gaming #the last of us 2 #ellie williams #ellie tlou2 #ellie x reader #fem reader #joel tlou #joel and ellie #angst #abby anderson #abby x reader #cw gore #tw #tw death #tw mental illness #actually traumatized #abby the last of us #love triangle

[atvace]

Lady Dior and the Seven Dilfs

Chapter 4: First Order of Business

Masterlist

Ghost, Soap, Gaz and you eventually took turns in aim training, knife throwing and handgun shooting. it was actually quite fun. A little about your before-military-background, you used to shoot water guns when youre 3, BB gel guns when youre about 7 and youve won arcade games for your little niece when youre 14.

a lot of arcade games. your younger cousins always look up on you whenever you won them prizes from huge plushies, Hotwheels, even legos.

speaking of guns, you've surfaced to the depth of the internet back when you were young. having to use your mother's iPad to access such gores and disturbing content. Adapting to the FBI, forced to eliminate people off, you had absolutely no problem.

Empathy and sympathy is out of the window. your past relationship with you ex boyfriends left you quite heartless. you got scammed in Roblox once, it is merely a canon event. the homeless guy you give your spare change to molested a school girl once and you beat him until he lost vision. world hasn't been treating you well, and you just go with the flow and give zero fucks to nearly anyone.

"nice shot, (y/n)." Gaz rests his hand to your back. you sighed proudly, "Thanks, Gaz!" you nudged his side. "You got any question, (y/n)? you said you're a little less experienced with sub machine guns." Soap stored the unused MSMC.

Back in your FBI days, handguns are the most effecient weapon you can handle. It's been a while since the last time you were using the automatic rifles because your all-gun training was when youre in early 20s. you never liked heavy machinery gun because theyre too hefty for you to bring anywhere.

you prefer something quiete, small but fast. you prefer sniper as long ranged, revolver or a usp for mid combat and knifes for close. In your horse riding phase, you possessed an archery skill. you were slightly above average but stopped after your arrow accidently killed a wild bunny.

"I genuinely think they are too heavy for me. in what I observe in myself, I think im far much better using snipers, handguns or knifes." You reloaded your empty mags of revolver. "Lads," Price peeked his head out as the four of you turned to the source of the voice. "Lets do some deathmatch."

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

"Okay the goal is basically deathmatch." Price gave everyone a compass to keep track of where we going. "but, all of you will be using either the paintbal or" he paused for a moment. "an airsoft."

You raised your eyebrow with a questioning look. "what about the mission?" Price looked at you while wearing a sunglasses and a fisherman hat, "Oh, Laswell contacted me and she said we should take our time training. the mission takes place in a deserted island. That is why I decided to play a game of deathmatch." He smiles.

"any questions?" Prive crosses his arm. "Where are you gonna wait?" Soap tilt his head, "duh" he pointed his thumb to the white single chair beach bench behind Gaz. "and youre going to..?" Gaz unfinished question turned into a hum, "I'm gonna chill. you kids go fight. also, dont aim for the head." Ghost, Gaz and Soap sprinted at the last words. leaving you and Price alone.

"(y/n), why dont you go with them?" Price walked over his bench and sat like a retired dad. "Um.. captain," you held your fingers together. "Yes, (y/n). I'm all ears." Gaz took out a newspapers and widened the main page. "By any chance, do you have a..." you cringed at your request.

"combat bow? yellow lid below the wooden table under the ventilation." Price flipped a page, which cause your eyes to spark. "Howd you know?" You smiled at him. "I bought that for you the time your demotion letter were sent to me. archery was in your resume." He sipped his lemonade, still reading the newspapers.

you instantly love him. his gesture of kindness tattooed your head, you have to give him something special for him one day or another. "what are you waiting for, go get it." He flips the paper again. "Thank you!!" you got to your feet towards the airsoft shed.

upon arrival, you saw Gaz, Ghost and Soap chattering together with weapons in their grasp. all of them were in full airsoft gear and it was your first time seeing them in full combat attire. you felt butterflies in your stomach when they walked pass you.

shooking you head, you manage to get in the shed and find the box Price told you to get. you opened it and revealed a beautiful matte black curve bow with strong wires perfectly fit for field combat. but below the shaped foam, you noticed there was another bow.

it was a compound bow. with an armguard, quiver and a few customizable arrows. but what caught you is two kunais and some static ropes. you smiled to yourself and quickly geared up.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

"I bet you don't last 5 minutes, Jhonny." Ghost mocked. "How do you know, I do cardio at least twice a week." Soap clucked his airsfot shotgun. "How are you going to last more than that in forest when you barely awake 2 minutes in bed." Ghost places his airsoft m4 to his shoulders. Gaz looked at the both of them terrified.

"Hey guys, sorry I took long." the three of them shifted their gaze at you, frozen in place. "I was actually struggling but Did i wear my harness correctly?" you turned your back facing them. the way the straps makes your thigh squished and your ass popping makes all of their jaw dropped.

"remember to stay focus, brothers." Price coughed loud enough for them breaking their gaze. "I-I mean.. you look good (y/n). I- Its just-" Soap flick his shirt as a fan as you walk towards them. "Is it hot in here?" Gaz did the same, waving his hand to his burning face, "Are you hot, (y/n)? I mean you are hot- I mean-" he snickered to himself as Ghost playfully smack the back of his head. "Mouth."

you tied the rope to the round hole in the edge of the kunai, tightening it. "Holy shit, are you going to kill us for real?" Gaz watched you taking out a real knife. "Oh, fuck. no I'm planning to climb the trees with these."

you chuckled at him the re-adjusted the strings of your bow, making sure its not loose. "are you sure youre going to wear that?" Ghost pawn himself to you, looking down to your bow then your shoes. "Oh, this?" you furrowed your eyebrow and look straight to his eyes. "No, the boots." He sternly replied.

you wore a black sleeveless turtleneck and a tight black gym pants. Soap told you wearing these wont affect much training in the range but for outdoors, I think (y/n looks fine.

You are wearing a Bershka buckle heeled Boots in black. you swifted your foot to the side, showing the shine of the leather to him then scoffed. "At least I want to be stylish when defeating you. humph," you walk past him but he stopped you by placing his enormous hand to your stomach level.

"I know its painful wearing heeled footwear, (y/n)." you look at him SURPRISINGLY soft. "As long you are comfortable, you can use anything you want. just remember, theres no fashion standards in here. Please make yourself pleasant." he finished and joined the others to the starting line, leaving you flabbergasted.

'THE COLD CASPER IS TELLING YOU TO MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME. THE COLD CASPER IS TELLING YOU TO MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME. THE COLD CASPER IS TELLING YOU TO MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME.' its not a flooded thoughts anymore, its a fucking tsunami.

"alright, sergeants. get into position." Price stated, still in his beach dad mode. you clung the bow to your back feeling soap's eyes at you. "You seriously gonna use that thing?" He chuckled. "I like my fighting style similar to my money," you draw a smirk "Old money."

"ready?" you stanced ass up, of course theyre gazing at you. "set," you draw sketches in your mind what to do next. "Go!" you lunged your knees so fast it left a hole in the ground. you felt yellings from behind, mostly Gaz and Soap's

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT SHES FAST" you cant tell if thats Gaz's or Soap's. you were far beyond allready. with your tied knifes, you jumped and throw one of it towards a huge tree and swing towards those steady large stem, climbing it.

the heels you wore made you climb the trees easier. it spikes your weight to the brances and makes you jump easier. even though you feel a slight pain in the joint in every step, you gaslight yourself that you are fine.

from tree to trees you go. you have the lower body power of a God. in distinction to thousands of miles walking around a shopping centre from around the world, your legs can kick nearly 100,000franklins. not a world record, but still something youre proud about.

you tried to look around for your first victim, but your focus was striked as a paintball went close to your side, painting blue at the branch you sat on. "You missed!" you yelled at whoever shot that to you and quickly jump to another tree

you guess that was Gaz but he was nowhere in your sight. you gambled your guesses that Soap mightve been close to Gaz because the two of them are most likely too noisy to be hidden. hunting Ghost would be the hardest for you but you want to at least beat someone.

as you were on top, you took your bow and get the arrow into the sight, aiming to the grown. you saw Soap creeping around tall grasses from an approximately 40 meters north-east in your position. you shot your plunger arrows towards Soap's shoulder and he screamed in high pitch.

"Fuck! good job, (L/N)! wherever you are.. oh there you are" Soap waved his hands at you which you returned. "I was about to aim to your heart but I'm afraid you might fall for me, Scrub daddy." you winked at him and jump to another tree, searching for Gaz.

Gaz, from another slight distance got scared from the scream and quickly scattered. you were to quick to guess where he went, but your focus broke when a splatter of paint went through your side hitting a tree. "Fuck." you quicken your pace to find a safer spot to camp.

you heard a low grunt from somewhere and assumed quickly that was Ghost. not wanting to waste anymore time, you swung yourself throught the branches from one and another, still getting shot at from behind. this time, Gaz spotted you.

Seeing a bush of plants, you rolled yourself mid air and down to the ground swiftly equip your bow to shot. refusing to make any sound, you stood still waiting for Gaz to approach you first. "(y/n), i saw you~" Gaz whistled and nerved his gun.

From the source of his voice, you knew he is around front-right side of your spot. you observe how the wind blows and the sound of leaves brushing againts each other, you pulled the arrow close to the side of your ear, aiming and gambled on how he made sounds.

one snap of a twig, you swifted your left hand and release. "OW JESUS FUCK" Gaz's claim gave a wave of relief in your heart. you pushed the bush away revealing Gaz holding his thigh with a plunged arrow sticking out.

"You okay, Gazzy?" you cooed and leaned to the tree. "Fuck you're so good, (y/n). good job." he laughed and walk towards Price's previous spot. "hm, kinky." you walk the other direction. he probably came at your statement.

You jabbed the Kunai side by side, creating a rope trap for Ghost if he ever cross the path. You knew hes not easy to caught but the least you can do is having something to watch your back. proud of your (not) good idea, you climbed a tree and hid.

not too long after, you heard rustling from across your tree. taking your chances, you aimed at whatever made that noise. and there you can see it, the top of his helmet. You gave him a warning shot by aiming inches from his head.

you peered your gaze down to your trap, biting your lip when the trap you set was disabled. "Fuck, he knew." you hissed and looked back at your compound sight.

you lost him after. you stood lazily on top of the branch and tried to look around. not long after you felt a piercing gaze from the right side of your view. you shot another arrow to a suspicious bush. but suddenly a paintbullet striked at the side of your face hitting the tree, but you anchored your body to the side too heavily.

you dodged a bullet, thats one realisation. second, you lost balance and fell. "(Y/N)!" Ghost's source of voice is nowhere to be seen but you feel yourself falling to the ground.

you landed nape first and you laid down in silent. "Fuck." you grunt in pain, crawling to the clostest bush you can find just to be hidden from plain sight. unfortunately, it has thorns but you were too lightheaded to feel more pain. you pull out your bow again and aimed towards your guesses for Ghost's bearing.

feeling your head dizzy, you accidently released your arrow and you fell to your stomach, now exposed to the forest and the person you shot. to your surprise, you saw Ghost standing in the distance, with your plunge arrow right in his heart.

at least thats what you saw before you blacked out. "Bloody fucking hell, (y/n)" You feel a soft touch to your shoulders and your back is met by a fleshy feeling. you assumed that someone placed your head to their lap. "Holy shit," Gaz's voice lingered around the air as you just painfully still there. "Did she hit her head? yes she fuckin did oh my God" you could hear Soap opening a zipper.

"I lost my vision," you said laying still in assumeable Ghost's lap. "She lost her vision?!" Gaz crawled to your side. "How many fingers am I holdin?!" He hold out two fingers. "....ten" you muttered. "Oh shit she did-" Gaz said as Soap poured out the contents of his bag.

"Fuck I forgot my portable medkit." He curses. "This will do," you feel yourself ascending to the air as Ghost picked you up, not bothering about the arrow that plunged in his chest. "Gaz, Soap, clean her shit. now." He tosses you to his shoulders unintentionally bared your ass out which made the other two stared. "Eyes down, sergeants." Ghost hissed at the two as he ran out of the forest.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

"You're not going to die, (y/n)." Price said patching up your back. you got a twig and a few cut thorns sticking in your back. you got blacked out for a few moments because your head was thrashed to a nearby rock. "But captain technically I'm dead now.." you muttered and whinced in pain as he pull the last thorn in your back.

"Why are you dead, (y/n)?" Price dabbed rubbing alcohol to a cotton to your back. "My skin is all bruised up now... my years of bodycare routine is wasted." You pouted to him. "(y/n), you'll be facing worser gushes than this. you have to manage, alright?" he wrapped a bandage over your stomach and back. "even with scars, you are still a beautiful girl."

you got back outside the field to see Gaz, Soap, and Ghost surrounding a table. you peered over to see and your eyes widened in horror. you compound bow broke into pieces as the only thing keeping it together is the strings. "Oh my God I barely used that" your knees weakened and Soap caught you on time.

"its alright, We'll tell the factory to make another." Soap patted your head and leered to your exposed bandages. "You good? I mean these" he poked your back and you stood at your feet. "Oh those are fines just a small cut." you place your hands to your hips and swayed to the side, "I'm hurt but I still look hot." you blew a kiss to him which he sneered.

"Alright, folks. Let's talk about illegal smuggling." Price place himself between you and Soap as Gaz and Ghost across the three of you. "Yippie!" you clasp your hand excitedly and watch Price scroll open the map. "(y/n), thats...not something to 'yippe' about.." Gaz frowned. "I'd like to have a coquette war crime." you sway your hair.

"Laswell detected an illegal drug smuggling and suspicious movement in the east. unfortunately they have a hostage." your smile dropped. "An Iranian prisoner is loose and assumeably made a new base undergound Verdansk," Price marked a specific land in the map with a red ink. "the hostage is an 18 years old daughter of the legislation supreme court"

when Price was explaining the mission, Ghost stared at you with an empty expression. his eyes look dull and dark. you noticed this but tried so hard to not exchange look with him.

you knew this is would be going down, you overheard Kate Laswell talking about it to your former chief, Artofay. It was bigger than what Price is explaining right now but you conclude hes just simplifying things out to make the mission more pivot. if it weren't for the demotion, you're probably at a spa right now getting ready to slay this mission over.

maybe in another universe, Leon Kennedy was your husband and you didn't get demoted. another probability that you are 141's intel for Verdansk but instead you're here being in the same team and deployed on field.

"I want everyone to be careful because we have no idea what drug they have," Price pointed the Verdansk city and Urziskan city. "there could be an injection drug, an epi-pen drug, gas drug. Verdansk is the orginate of the underground black market. I want to hear no report about any of you getting drugged." Price's tone turned sharp and serious.

"Pack for a week, we'll leave tomorrow by dusk." "Yes sir." we said in unison. "Gaz, I want you in the front line with me, Soap you will be a recon, Ghost as a watchtower and (y/n)," the mens tilts to you. "No heels." you gasped in offended.

"What?! thats bullshit." you protested. "you're bullshit," Ghost spat out. "Ghost!" Price beats the potential arguement. Gaz and soap looked at each other knowing its not the right time to talk or joke about it. "(y/n), I understand how much...vogue meant to you. but we will be going to a possible hostilities," Price softly explain to you like you are 5. "I'd like for you to wear something...safe." he finishes.

"Captain, I refuse." This time you stated coldly. "I'd like to prove it to you that I'm a woman whose capable of engaging any sort of combat in any sort of attire," You took a deep leap of faith. working in heels wasn't just a bragging thing, but its your signature way in doing your job.

Its also another way for you to remember that you mothet is always watching you. Heels meant more than fashion to you, you hold on to her decaying memories by wearing them nearly every occassion. Your mom is a huge poignant figure in your life and you'd force yourself to remember her as much as you can for the rest of your life.

but the men you're dealing now, they ain't shit. this is why you prefered working alone or with girls back in the FBI. but you don't expect the world to revolve around you, it's not how it works. really sucked to be integrated with a group of people who doesn't understand you except yourself.

that's where you have to save yourself, because who will?

"If you know about the compound bow, then I assume you know the reason behind the heels, right captain?" you smiled softly, yet cold. your eyes like siren, gazing to him for ruth.

he finally sighs in defeat, "Only if you bring a back up shoe. you know what? dismiss. 6PM in my office though." he rubbed his temper, which made Ghost iritated. "Thank you, pops!" you hugged him tightly enough to make him croaked and walk away happily leaving the four behind.

"Captain." Ghost looked to Price drawing dissapointed in his gaze. "Ghost." Price is too tired to argue with the skull man allready, Soap held Ghost's shoulder and sighs. "..Jhonny," The british tilt his head down to his mohawk. "Nah, man. let her be." Gaz commented at the telepathy phenomenon.

"Bloody fucking hell all she had to do was listen." Ghost grunts and anchored his fist to the table. "You doubt too much, Riley." Price exclaimed. "Do you not see she fell from a tree because of those damned heels?" Ghost pointed back to the forest they were practicing at. "Riley, she shot an arrow to your heart with a compound bow like a cupid, don't get me started." Price took out a cigar and lit it up.

Gaz and Soap wheezed at the fact you technically won the friendly deathmatch but stopped when Ghost glared at them. "Have a little faith, believe her for once." He huffed out the nicotine air. "Just because shes new in here, you shouldn't forgot where she came from. She goes to hell like a vacation," Price shooks the cigar, letting the ashes fall to the ground.

"The Devil wears Prada, Riley."

#task force 141 #mw2 #simon ghost riley x reader #soap mactavish x reader #gaz garrick x reader #captain price x reader

[dahliaes]

girl tell me something that YOU !!!! want to share. i always want to hear abt lv, you know that but just share whatever you want !! 🩷

TEHHEHEHEHE KATIE I LOVEEE YOUU

since this is a very small acc i dont mind say this on here:

i wanna delete lily valley so bad

like truly. i hate it i hate it SO much it doesnt reflect me as a writer, i didnt execute it well at all. it isnt jean and maddys story, in fact, i have their REAL story planned out in my head

so many ppl (even some of my own friends) perceive jean as some narcissistic douche bag taking advantage of a desperate pathetic young girl and that isnt what they are at all. ive built this extensive universe with rage and i could tell you a thousand reasons why maddy and jean love each other but if you actually READ whats published youll be like …no they dont?

published lv isnt their story. what ACTUALLY happens between maddy and jean is this: he builds her a cabin and actually refuses to take her virginity until he believes hes earned it

see i feel like ppl who hate on lv dont wanna give me a break or cut me some slack because they just dont know that lily valley was orginally a one shot, it wasnt supposed to turn into a love story so i was just making do with what i had. part one was a smutty taboo one shot and nothing more and im completely fine w it!!! if i wanted to write a love story back then, i would have but i didnt!

i tried okay like i rlly tried and executed it so poorly that so many ppl hate it and hate me because of it—but thats not even the point the point is

the universe in my head is SO much better than what has been revealed and published online. maddy isnt some pathetic childish lana del rey and old man obsessed girly, shes a strange little fairy that collects bones and herbs and flowers and jumps on jeans back and bites his ears shes bubbly and energetic loves everything and everyone

and jean isnt at ALL what i wrote n published n what people perceive him as. hes silly and grumpy and humble and is constantly falling down tripping on stuff he built maddy a CABIN—in the words of @theragethatisdesire “like genuinely i know jean would kill for her would die for her blah blah but he’s also capable like if she needs something he’s making sure it gets done if she wants something he’s building it with his own bare hands until they bleed he is a man FOR her”

i could tell you EVERYTHING about how jean loves maddy but you wouldnt believe me because thats how it started?

truthfully i just tell myself and rage that published lv was actually just a weird daydream maddy had that didnt happen at all

and it jsut sucks that im such a bad writer that i couldnt salvage the story in the first place. i couldve made jean softer and nicer and more in love with her like he TRULY is, i couldve made maddy less desperate and more giggly and soft like she actually is but at the time i was just having fun and idk took it too far? i dont know but i fucked up

and it sucks even more that i never got the chance to explain all this because i was getting threatened on shepnicolo because SHEPNICOLO WROTE SOMETHING THAT WAS SO DISGUSTING PEOPLE HATED HER AND WANTED TO THROW THINGS AT HER AND STOLE HER SAFE SPACE

idk!!!! does any of this make sense? im sorry for rambling sjjdjdjdjsjdks prob gonna delete

#sigh #its probably fine #katiebug #ily #dahlia.valley #moot.katie #asks <3 #dahlia.txt

[uldahstreetrat]

Top 5 Relationships (romantic, familial, canon, HC, whatever!)

Top 5 Minions

There's two for you! :D

FINAL FANTASY XIV TOP 5 ASKS!

I did minions over here!

Anais Bell and Gaius Baelsar please dont ask my husband about how often I talk about these two cause it is SIGNIFICANTLY more than I post about them and I already post about them a LOT. I love a sad pathetic dilf, they have a history, she's such a mom - the vibes are just there in a way that is so ideal to me specifically and I cant get enough

Thancred and Minfilia/Ryne tragic sibling relationships fuck me up Im constantly writing them already myself and getting to ShB and seeing the sort of "my sister died and Im looking after her kid" vibe Thancred and Ryne had going and how Ryne's relationship to Minfilia also REALLY felt to me like the kid who's mom died giving birth/when she was young and she only grew up hearing about her from everyone else I just-- damn that's some good dynamics

Q'ihnn Tia and G'raha Tia this was a joke initially, it was a "hey wouldnt it be funny if they were ex boyfriends" when I was running the raids and then I got to ShB and got hit over the head with THAT and well now they're getting married aha they're just really sweet and they deserve the happiness of being together

Zana and Alphinaud Leveilleur these two stupid teenagers are in love and they're adorable. I would die for them. I'd kill for them without hesitation. he immediately had a crush on her and she immediately threatened to kill him and then their character arcs just lined up in a way where they're inseparable now and I love em a lot, they're real cuties. also they're like a mini Q'ihnn and G'raha too which I always think is funny to have like father like daughter shit with Q'ihnn and Zana lmao

Kerrich Drachman and Ophianne Vilauclaire I actually hadn't thought about these two much until recently but the dynamic is deeply compelling to me now - Kerrich and his adoptive kids as a whole vibe was always only ever something I really thought about with Estinien and Q'ihnn, with all three of them being dragoons, but Ophianne is the kid MOST like him and also the one he just... kinda ignored. didn't worry about. he wasn't training her and she could handle herself, he didn't feel like he needed to worry about it, but now she's grown and she just... doesn't want anything to do with him. she never did, she never wanted a father figure even as a kid, but she certainly doesnt want one now. and Kerrich is my canon's 1.0 WoL so his entire dynamic with Bahamut is, well, complicated... and Ophianne is a summoner. in fact she's more closely tied to the actual dragon that was Bahamut than the primal. the symbolism alone in that in their relationship is driving me insane and im really gonna hammer into it going forward as much as I get the chance

also received this ask from @jdtrashman, so thanks to you both!

#thank you very much for asking this was so fun to answer #plus ya know any excuse to ramble about my ocs right

[voregeoise]

Sailor's Savior's Snack

Just a heads up, this is not the big project ive been mentioning. That's gonna be on the back burner for a long while. But enjoy some sea snake Naga brainrot in the meantime.

A warming, our prey does feel pretty hopeless in their situation before they meet our pred. So, beware.

----------

He stared in shock at the drift wood that used to be his pride and joy. The boat he had built himself, shattered so fast. He hadn't even had time to see what had done it. Whether it was an accidental crash, or something wrecking his boat, he didn't know. Nor did it really matter, he just clung on to a chunk of his boat for dear life.

Hours passed, the sun slowly made its way across the sky. As he drifted, a dreadful thought passed his mind. He was alone, exhausted, cold and treading water. No one knew where he was. He was utterly stranded.

He was going to die here.

Cold, alone and scared. A feeling of hopelessness descended on him. The realization that the chances of someone finding him were slim to none.

As the day continued he grew more and more exhausted, more and more resigned to his fate. As the sun set he made sure to appreciate it. It would in all likelihood be his last. Once darkness descended he felt the water grow chilled. He desperately tried to stay awake, he needed to stay up or else he'd drown. He knew it was unlikely he'd survive to the morning, but he didn't want to die. Not yet, not yet, just a few more precious minutes of life.

As he felt his eyelids grow heavy, he felt something brush up against his leg. He felt fear creep into his mind. He tried to look into the water and see what touched him, but the dark, murky sea hid it. There as a few nerve racking minutes as he waited for the thing to show itself. Eventually, it did.

A colossal sea serpent emerged from the sea, in the moonlight it's blue scales shone, and it's grey eyes seemed to glow. But there was something odd about it, the serpent was a naga. He'd never heard of a naga that lived in the ocean, let alone one so large. It's stare didn't calm his nerves. After a few long seconds it spoke.

"And what do I have here? How long have you been treading water alone?"

Something about its tone was.... unnerving. But he replied anyways.

"M-My boat... i-it got wrecked and-"

"I assume that piece of wood you're clinging to is what's left of your boat?"

"Y-Yes..."

"Well would you like some help my little prey?"

"Oh thank God! Yes ple- wait... p-prey? Did i-i hear y-you r-right? P-Prey?"

"You heard me correctly, now, let me help."

"N-No! NO! Wait! A-Are y-you going to e-eat me?"

"Of course! Why would I not enjoy a delectable little morsel like you?"

"W-wait! P-please!"

"Aww, don't you worry my friend! I'll be kind."

"N-No! I dont wanna die like this!"

The serpent paused for a moment before speaking again. "I think you misunderstood me. I'm merely trying to help, I'm going to eat you, not kill you."

"H-Help? How? Y-You're going to kill me!"

"Oh settle down, you. Im going to help you. Whether or not you trust me. You'll be safe, I can promise you."

"But I'll die?"

"No you won't. My friend I offer you a warm and cozy place to rest and you accuse me of wanting to murder you? Is this how you treat all those offering aid?"

"I-In your stomach?! You ARE trying to murder me! Get away you fucking freak!"

"I'd like you to try and make me, little prey. I'm not one to leave a sweet little thing like you to die. I'd much rather keep you in a safer, more... filling place."

"N-No! Please! Not like this!"

The serpent reached a hand under him and scooped him out of the water. The serpent used its other hand to take away his little piece of driftwood and tossed it into the water. He was too exhausted and cold to struggle. He didnt have the energy to run. His fate was left in the hands of this predator.

"Look, if you're really that scared, I can give you a minute to calm down and prove myself. How does that sound my little friend?"

"Please... I'm cold... and tired... I don't want to die... I'm scared... don't hurt me..."

"Hey, it's going to be okay. I'll heat you up, just trust me." It replied in a softer tone.

He turned up towards the nagas face. The snake had an almost comforting expression on it's face. It raised its hand up to its maw. The naga slowly parted it's jaws, he braced for the serpent to toss him down it's throat. But it never did. It merely tilted it's hand up slowly, letting him slide into its mouth. He didn't struggle, he didn't have the strength. He simply covered his eyes, and accepted fate.

He felt him drop into its maw. He waited for the serpent to swallow him down. He waited, and waited, and waited. But it never came, he didn't really feel the serpent move him at all. He only noticed the nagas forked toungue occasionally brush against him. After a few long minutes, he worked up the courage to open his eyes. He looked around and... He was fine? It's was wet and slick, but seemingly safe and warm for now. The snake hadn't even shut it's mouth. He used the little of his strength left to sit himself up. Only a few moments after he did, the serpent spoke up in a comforting tone.

"See? You're safe."

It's was odd to be inside someone's maw as they spoke, but the serpent stayed rather quiet, speaking as softly as it could manage.

"I... I'm fine?"

"Yes you are my little prey. Do you feel any better? Are you still cold?"

"I... guess... what are you.... going to do now?"

"Once you're feeling safe, I'll gulp you down so both of us can get some rest."

"I... but won't I get... digested? I'll end up in your stomach, won't I?"

"No, you won't find any acids down there. You'll end up in my storage stomach, safe for you to be."

"I... how can I trust you?"

"If I wanted to hurt you, why wouldn't I gulp you down now? Nothing's stopping me. You're in my mouth, tired, trapped and at my mercy. If I really wanted to do such a thing, why would I be trying to comfort you?"

"W-will I be able to leave?"

"I'll gag you up once we get to shore. I promise."

"Do I have a choice?"

"No, neither of us do. I need to keep you safe and... my gut is the best option. Nothing will be able to even touch you there, well, except for me."

As the serpent finished it's sentence he watched as the lips around him curreled into a slight smile.

"I... I'm not... I don't..."

"Its alright, take your time to get comfortable with the idea of being in serpents stomach. I'd rather you go down willingly in this, and it will be better for you too."

"How... how are you talking right now? I'm in... your mouth... yet you talk like normal."

"Practice my dear friend, you are far from the first person to be in your position. I've held conversations much longer then this one with people in my maw."

"Y-You've done this before?"

"Of course! Countless times! However... would you like to know something?"

"What's that?"

"Out of everyone I've ever tasted, you by far have the best flavor. Most have barely and flavor at all! And those that do have such sad and mild tastes. But you... you... You're just delectable. You're very sweet, a little umami too. I hope you don't mind me savoring you, it's not often I have something as good as you, my friend..."

He wasn't quite sure what to make of this information.

"I... thank you? I guess?"

"Honestly, if you decide to spend a little longer in my maw to prepare yourself, I wouldn't mind. I can afford to wait a little longer."

"I'll... I'll think about it..."

The snake didn't respond after that. It just sat there, with its toungue slowly moving over him. Tasting him. And himself? He just sat there too. Trying to calm down and brace for what would soon come. Being able to turn around and peer down the murky darkness of its throat didn't fill him with confidence. After a few minutes, the serpent piped up again.

"Well? Are you ready my little prey? I've had my fun for now, and I think it's time for the main course."

"I... umm... maybe..."

"Its okay if not, I'll give you a few more minutes to prepare, should you desire of course."

He wasn't ready. He couldn't be ready. He was about to be eaten alive. He was nervous, scared and exhausted. He thought he might be able to trust the snake, but still. He didn't want to be eaten. Not that he had a choice. He knew a few more minute sitting in its mouth wouldn't calm him down, so he decided to just get it over with.

"I'm... about as ready as I ever could be... just... will this hurt?"

"No, it shouldn't hurt."

"S-Shouldn't? I-It might?"

"It will be very tight for about a minute, but if you just lay down or currel up, it won't be so bad. Just be careful."

He slowly laid down on the floor of its maw and curreled up into a loose ball. Light in its mouth grew dimmer and dimmer as the snake closed its jaws. His breathing grew shaky and an anxious feeling appeared in the back of his mind. Gravity shifted as the serpent began to tilt it's head back. As it tilted it's head back further and further he started slowly sliding back. He felt his heart pound as he started moving. After a second, the snake swallowed.

*glik*

He was forced into a tight space. The muscles around him pushed him down. It was hard to breathe. There was no room. He was trapped by the slick wet walls of its gullet. Adrenaline kicked in. He tried to struggle, he pushed against its esophagus. He had barely been in here for a few seconds, and he was already panicking. But a few seconds later, he felt an extra pressure appear. It came from one spot and followed him down. It was the serpent, using a hand to feel him. It was a gentle touch, almost soothing. He stopped struggling and his breathing calmed. His touch followed him for another minute. After that, he dropped into a chamber. He had reached its stomach and... He was fine? He felt fine. All around him he felt the naga give a content exhale.

"Ahhh, I hope that wasn't too uncomfortable for you in there. You started struggling after a bit, you had me a little worried."

"I-I'm... okay... God... y-you ate... me.... I-Im going to be safe... Right? Y-You promised!"

"Oh of course my dear prey. You're safe."

He took a deep breath to calm his mind. He was safe. He propped himself up against the stomach walls. It wasn't... all that bad here. Like being in the snakes maw. It was soft and squishy, a comfortable place. The warm air was a welcome change from the chilled sea air. He could hear the snake breathe, all around him the walls slowly moved, providing a soothing massage like feeling.

"This... this isn't so bad..."

"Awww, thank you. I'm glad to hear it."

"So... now what?"

"Rest up, friend. You're exhausted. Take the time to rest in my stomach, it's comfortable in there. From what I've heard."

"Can I... sleep here? Is that... safe?"

"Of course, I'll keep you safe."

"I... okay..."

"Have a restful sleep my little prey..."

He slowly shut his eyes, letting his exhaustion win. Almost immediately, he drifted into a deep slumber.

----(Transition to preds pov)----

As the serpent felt it's prey fall asleep, they gently placed a hand on their gut. Despite his size, he was a rather filling person. One of the better prey they'd ever had. They wondered if they might be able to convince him to return every now and then, they'd never had the same prey more then once. But they could wait to ask that question. Now was the time to enjoy the moment.

The snake let itself sink into the sea. It shut it's eyes and focused on taking in all the sensations coming from its gut. After a few minutes the naga gently landed on the sea floor. The feeling in its stomach was soothing, comforting. A feeling of sleepiness descended upon it too. And the serpent let it. Drifting off, like the man in its gut.

#soft vore #safe vore #extreme cuddling #human prey #prey pov #and a little bit of pred pov too #naga pred #enjoy this little thing i made

[stoned-r0mantic]

Istg shes gonna leave me. Im too much. Im not enough. Im too insecure. Im the worst bf. I get angry bc she'll never do things for me like i do for her. I'd do anything just to hang out with her. But she won't do that. But it's fine! I'll just sit in bed and cry while i wait for her to respond to my texts and want to call! Like always! I'll wait like a dog even though it feels like you dont even want me anymore! Doesn't matter how much i need to call bc ur not feeling it! /gen! but it's fine. No one will ever love me the way i love them. i don't want to live anymore. I just want to fucking kms so i dont have to live in this miserable world. I cant leave them but i physically cant stand being alive anymore i just cant. Its become too goddamn much. I cant wait two more years anymore i just cant i want to die i hate codependency. I hate my fake fucking friends. Whsts the point of living? Theres no fucking point to life. Why should i stay alive for others when they dont even seem to care enough to hang out with me once in a while. Im so pissed off at everyone. Im so close to just ghosting everyone and killing myself. I cant stand this constant heartsche anymore. I can't stand not calling every single day. Or not calling at all basically. Its selfish. But i can help it. If you cant handle how needy i am then dont fucking be with me. I want to leave her before she has the chance to leave me. Im splitting and i dont want to be mad at her. I dont want to hurt her. I dont want to leave her. But this relationship makes me so much worse and i hate this version of myself. I hate being vunerable. Boys dont fucking cry. I shouldnt be fucking crying.

Just leave me already so i can kms and not have anyone upset about it. I can't stay clean. Hell, i can't even NOT lash out. You say i'm "a good person".. but *I* know I'm the worst fucking person. If only you knew what went on in my head. If only you knew how i feel 24 fucking 7. Pictures of brutally murdering people just because they pissed me off. Sadness turning into outright hatred for someone. Paranoia. All the fucking tme. Just needing destruction and chaos in my life. Not csring abiut anyone but myself. Thoughts of manipulating people js bc i can and its so easy to do. constant numbness. I dont wanna be toxic. I dont want to be. But these thoughts get so hard to ignore. I dont wsnt to hate her but if she doesnt change some things soon im gonna stsrt splitting. Devaluing. If you cant call me at least once or twice a week then we shouldn't even be tg. Ive told you. Time and fucking time again. I need calling. Yet you still STILL fucking dont call. I love you so much it hurts me. Ill wait for you forever. Just step all over me and tear my heart out, we both know I dont have the strength to leave you. I'll just self sabotage until you decide im too unstable to be with. Leave me. Abandon me.

#bpd vent #rant post #personal vent #fp bpd #you dont love me #im sorry #bpd splitting

[transsexualhamlet]

gr. gurrrrn g. hrrr gurne, i ask. gurn

SCARED OF YOU SO BAD. GUREN FOR WHICH . QUESTION LUNA. THERES LITERALLY THIRTY OF THEM

since you have not specified I will answer the first ten and if you desire different ones/more go ahead and specify that lmao

character ask game

My first impression of them- I'll be honest, guren was just some guy to me when I first read vampire reign at the tender age of 13. I literally just didn't really care about him that much until one of my old friends who I dragged forcibly into ons with me started reading catastrophe and went NO REALLY THESE GUYS ARE SO GAY and I had to see the light.

When I think I truly started to like them- see above.

A song that reminds me of them- you know and have known for a very long time that I have a playlist for Guren and it's all the most 2000s emo amv music. A very selective few of them would be

-Violet Hill by Coldplay (lamenting what the world has become over the years with hints of war, catholicism, and political turmoil) plus a Hefty dose of "lover that may be dead or not dead and remains out of reach and yearned after"

-The Calendar by P!ATD . This is a real bittersweet one because said old friend was insane about it and was the first one to point to its. Gureshin-y-ness. You know who I'm talking about I don't need to fill you in on this but it is genuinely the most Gureshin song I know, especially one cognizant of catastrophe and resurrection. Interpreted figuratively it's a Guren song, interpreted literally, it's a Shinya song. It makes me fucking Ill every time I think about it. Like come on "they said if you don't let it out, you're gonna let it eat you away, I'd rather be a cannibal baby, animals like me don't talk anyway" tell me guren and shinya would not say that exact fucking sentence "put another x on the calendar, summer's on its deathbed, there is simply nothing worse than knowing how it ends" slash catastrophe slas h vampire reign slash im Ill. "I will come back to life but only for you, only for you- the world may call it another chance, but when I came back it was more of a relapse" HI SHINYA . HELLO hi sorry.

also. Fake Your Death by MCR. This is more of a me-specific one and the ending I had planned for chains of fate all those fateful years ago. But this is really how I see him it's just. God he has been through the wringer for so long and he is disillusioned and tired and ready for someone to just fucking kill him like he deserves and still he has so much love for the people he has dragged through the mud with him and just. it's never going to get back to the way it was before and it's just. god. me an mcr fan when the fandom implications of the lore around this fucking song. if you didnt know luna this was the last song mcr released before breaking up like. about them breaking up and its just for ghe love of fUcking god

How many people I ship them with- really just Shinya. Sorry I'm a purist. There's arguments for a sort of qpr polycule type situation but I'm truly a Gureshin purist

My favorite ship of them- YOU DONT NEED TO ASK THIS OBVIOUSLY

Least favorite ship of them- People who ship Guren and Yuu make me want to kill something that is his son. But aside from the obvious, I just. People who ship Guren and Kureto are just mystifying to me. Like I guess there's nothing wrong with it but they just do not like each other at all and Kureto is such a pathetic creature yknow. I simply cannot bring myself to like him I have Tried

A quote of them that you remember-

This one <3

Your favorite outfit of them- He has like. What ok. Um. Catastrophe school uniform catastrophe/resurrection military uniform vampire reign military uniform. and then there's the ubiquitous white button up and slacks. I have to say I liked the catastrophe military uniform the best.

Your least favorite outfit of them- They're all so fucking basic????? There's seriously so little difference between them all

Describe the character in one sentence- Stubborn atheist in the face of christian armageddon, self-determined martyr, failed revolutionary, washed up pretty boy, and absent adoptive father with terminally repressed homosexuality who god refuses to let die.

That's the first ten, I'm not spending my entire evening on this. hi luna

#rowan screams into the void #luna<3 #ask game #guren ichinose

[evathekoolestt]

somerimes i get so sick of living . who am i to be who i am ? i dont think im real . i think if god is real , im some sort of guinea pig or sick joke that he decided to play on the people around me . i destroy everyone im around . ive done nothing but hurt the people around me . even the good things come with the bad and i hate it . i just want the people i love to feel reassured and not have to read between lines or look deeply within the stuff i say . i dont ever mean any of the mean stuff i say. i feel like theres a bug inside my head that tells me what to do except i listen to everything it says becuaese i dont know how not to. i think in scents and textures and faces and lpoks and colors and shapes and the way things sound or the way they crack when they hit concrete . i dont think befote i speak . im making up this very paragraph as i write it . i want a loving father so bad . i want to be a daddys girl . i want to feel comfort when hr hugs me and i want to feel safe when i hear his voice. i feel a part of me craxk every time i think about him . if i have to feel this way any longer im gonna start cutting myself ahain i finally stopped a motnh ago but my mind is so fuckrd up i camt resist anymore . i never feel satisfied. i never feel complete . i just feel dull . constantly. i want to rip out my ribs and suck the fat from my stomach and shrink my chest and grow my hair and cahnge everything to the point where i am unrecognizable . i hate everytjing so much and i dont rven know why . well not everything . i love laynee . and my grandma . and my mom and my brother and my papa . everyone else can go fuck themselves . i love them all so much . i love grandma and laynee the most . theyre everythung to me . i see laynee as a sortof skeptical person . not in a bad way , however , i think she sees people for what they are , for the most part (... she has this absolutely stupid (now ex) best friend who she still misses alot i think . but she had a sentimental connection to him because theyd been friends for years , so i get it . its hard to let go of people .) i feel like she doesnt 100% fully believe anything , but i hope she fully believes that i love her . i love her with all my heart . id fucking kill for laynee . i want to be with her every day. anwyays sorry i gushed a little bit . i think one day ill actually be happy . years and years from now . i think i do have a chance . but whether i waste that chance or not depends on how i play my cards . i feel as though my life is irrelevant . im a 12 year old , lower middle class , obese , ugly girl in a stupid , forgettable , trumphumping city whos school system has about a quarter of the funding that everett has because taxes go to the fucking churches because a god that we dont know is real or not is more important than people that we know are real's eduacation . i hate thjs city . jesus christ tjis is so many words

[whorewithagodcomplex]

sweetheart,

i love ya, but I'm not doing that for the rest of my life, no sir,

everyone knows not to marry into that, and its kinda common sense not to date someone with your type of addiction and just walk away, like we all know its never gonna work if youre constantly making your partner feel like shit because youre always lusting of the things you so desperately want, and yeah you may say that 'your're better, real, youre my love theyre just pictures, theyre just videos, ect) but we all know you wish it was them you could have when your gazing longingly and thirstly at those pictures, you create relationships with all these women, i just happen to be in person version added to the collection, its nasty, and its horrible knowing this will likely never change, cause its 'not that bad' its 'a comfort thing' 'i was alone for so long' and i have to live feeling like im always competing with them, i cant escape them, im so fucking tired of being paranoid that the person i love is going to always be looking at something more appealing, its awful, that constant pit in your stomach everytime hes lookin at a female character a little too closely, or when the girls are everywhere for him, camera roll, most social media, even his wallpapers on all devices, sure theres a photo of you two, sure as a homescreen but its really just a sunset photo and we're hidden in a low corner hidden by apps, and the never paying that close attention to you, you learn as much as you can about him listen to every word he says but doesnt care to know about you, with the exception of major plot points he knows nothing about what you like and why you like it, its either you rarely get a chance to speak, or youre perpetually cut off, or just simply ignored when speaking about yourself, but, he knows everything they say, knows every little detail, their backstories are phenominal and look how hot they are, he wont really say that to you anymore youve shown you dislike, but you know, you always know, so you try your best to be pretty and good enough to be wanted like he wants them, but you never get wanted like that, to be fair you never did, this was the first time someone is showing they love you and want you, but of course if i wasnt wantable before him what makes me wantable now? yknow all his needs are met by them and his ablilty to do so much with them that he feels no need to pay any mind to you beyond the physical and guidance, yeah he loves you, you know that hes shown that, but is it worth the mental and emotional exhaustion it takes to fight for a normal relationship? one where we both feel happy? i know theres no way he isnt miserable too, the contant bickering the anxiety of fucking up, but c'mon man, if you cope properly, like by speaking (without lashing out) to someone when things are too much, not falling further into an obsessive chemical pick-me-up addiction and honestly this sex obsession, youd do so much better, but you wont because its one of them hidden addictions that no one but your friends and people youre close to know about, by your choice, and you think that means its totally fine, because I'll stick around regardless right? cause i have this long and im making life plans with you and i love you more than youll ever know and as long as i dont see it' or notice it its fine, it wont kill me, youll keep going until im about to cut my losses and you promise and youll try you really will, but itll creep back and we'll be back at square one, or youll get better at hiding it from me, youre already pretty good at it now, ill bet money that if i got 3 hours and all your passwords id find cia sized files everywhere and id puke and cry myself to sleep for months, and i know youll only get better at it, and i dont want to be paranoid that your girls are still around my whole life, what kind of example am i setting for my daughters if i just let myself live like that, god id kill my son-in-law if he made her feel like that, honestly id kill him for most of the things youve done, so why am i letting it happen to me???

[aajjks]

TC!Jk

Oh IM being difficult. Right, ofc I’m gonna be your obedient little doll bc you kidnapped me and took away my basic rights. IM making you angry? LMAO. Have you ever thought about how you made ME feel. How I FELT WHEN YOU FUCKING PUT ME IN PAIN EVERY OTHER FUCKING DAY. My own family died at your hands and you have the fucking right to say you’re devoted to me. If you’re pissed off about me being bratty then go fuck with your concubines, I bet they’re not bratty. You seem so excited to go to them the first chance you get too, and now you’re offended because I have someone like that too? So only you can fuck around and as soon as I like someone more because they genuinely treat me better than you I’m committing infidelity. We’re not even married or dating yet too, infidelity when? How? LMAO. I do accept all of you and your monstorous actions, I accept them because they are reality and that’s why I also accept that Mi!Jk is better than you.

BTW YOU CANNOT KILL ALINA. ANYTHING BUT THAT.

😭 I’m sorry for spamming ur inbox w that one tc diss this started as just me being the biggest tc anti but

“Y/n I think you are trying to make me hate myself… which is fine because I only love one person and that’s you. I don’t understand why are you behaving like this WHEN THEY ARE DEAD… do you think your hatred for me can revive them back to life…. I think it’s about time you start loving me… I get that you hate me for killing then… but if you about yourself family’s sinister plans regarding you, you’re going to thank me! I-I have never hurt you! You HURT ME! He IS NOT BETTER THAN ME… like you said… it’s only his start… what if he’s worse than me? And DONT YOU DARE START INFATUATING OVER A FUCKING LOOSER MARRIED WOMAN!?”

#ask: tc!jungkook #it’s okay baby 😭💕 #I love this so much

[yellowbentley]

long post talking about being depressed read at your own detriment

god ok i dick around and joke as much as the next person but holy FUCK i cant stand being mentally ill. i know you see all the time how it weighs you down without even knowing but i brush it off all the time and now im sitting here and its hitting me that this is point blank ruining my life. i think im being watched everywhere i go no matter what i do to the point where being out in an open space or talking to the wrong person gives me a panic/anxiety attack, i have a 24/7 non stop constant stream of self deprecation that talks me out of doing anything, and the things i do do i dont try on even if i need to because whats the point right. im so passively suicidal that i cant go 10 minutes without thinking that im worthless and that i should die, every day i wake up and im miserable from the moment i get out of bed to the moment i get in. i hate myself so viscerally that i cant even fathom a positive thing about myself. im so stupid and full of shit-for-brains i cant ever focus on something and i forgetthe most menial and basic things. i have to copy off of everyone because im so incapable of doing things alone and i cant even do things alone if i wanted to because i have aforementioned debillitating anxiety and the anxiety and everything else makes me WEIRD so i have no friends! and im weird because im suicidal and offputting! god its all a big fucking feedback loop how am i ever supposed to get out of this. it gets worse every day. it all stacks up. the only exit i can fathom, the only exit i HAVE been able to fathom for years is just stopping dead and offing myself and see there i go again. it would be so easy. i have no friends and my parents are terrible people and my cat is dead so whats the fucking point. nothing will get better. nothing HAS gotten better. i cant go to therapy or else i'll be institutionalized and i'll never see the sun again. i cant stomach human people and i dont know if what is in front of me is real half the time. im lonely my parents are awful i have no where else to go. i have no one to bitch at except this stupid little tumblr blog i have no support. if i hadnt sworn off cutting i would be doing so every single night. i am tired. i am so unbelievably fucking tired. why cant i be normal. why am i the only one in my vicinity who doesnt have their shit together. i wish i was normal. if i could take out even just one thing i might be able to get it together. i dont even really pretend im fine anymore. i can say that i am suicidal and no one bats an eye. i have to get a car and a real liscence for my career job and then the chance of me killing myself goes way tf up because then i can just drive my car into a building whenever i want. and god a fuckin. career job!! im a hack!!! i am 10 days away from finishing uni and everyone else is better then me. i dont know shit. i dont know the most basic prinicples no matter how much i study. im too soft. i hsve no skill. im never gonna make it. and maybe it wouldnt be so bad if i was good at or passionate about anything else but nah im so fucking spent im not GOOD AT or INTERESTED in ANYTHING because i JUST WANT TO BE DEAD. every single day of my life i wish i had tried harder to kill myself when i was 14. i should stop typing this out.