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#ANYWAY love the idea still
safyresky · 1 year
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Bernack! Fusion Lawyer
A late night treat for u all that I promised AGES ago, please enjoy the most unhinged instalment of Fusion AU: Bernack (have yet to think of a decent name for them u just cannot mix Jack/Bernard's names it just does not work. Jernard? BACK?!?!?!? BARACK? OBAMA?!?!?!?!!?!?!?), Fusion Lawyer.
I have barely edited these notes. I have only made them legible (3am Dani has bad spelling which is funny bc it's already atrocious with how fast I type) and I am NOT joking about the time this was originally written at:
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Please note that these are like BARE BONES ideas. LORD KNOWS (now that I have reread it) if this is still the situation I'd have fucking bernACK appear in, but A TREAT FOR U ALL ANYWAY. I HOPE.
AHEM. Let's begin.
It starts with a dare to Jacqueline, with love, ur horrible friend Charlie
they're chatting about some odd and strange magical things, and Charlie cracks a joke about Leprechauns and gold
to which Jacqueline replies "dude. that's legit. And you know gnomes? garden gnomes? yeah they're accurate to size you see in stores and they constantly throw hands with the leprechauns about who owns the gold
Charlie is like. ur fucking me
Jacqueline's like I am NOT! I will even bring you over and SHOW U
Charlie's like BET!
And Jacqueline goes AIGHT CHOOSE A DAY
Anyway Charlie ends up being unavailable but he has activated his pal's trap card and Jacqueline, of course, hunts down Elle
"hey dude," she says, once she finds Elle. "wanna go stake out some gnomes and leprechauns so I can win a bet against Charlie?"
And Elle is like "It's March. OF FUCKING COURSE I DO. Nothing's happening round these parts rn let's fucking GO BESTIE
So off they fuck!
And after a very strange series of events, Elline is around, and she is fucking RUNNING from the leprechaun authorities bc they think she is stealing the gold
She fails and is captured by them
They think she is a gnome spy
Elline is like "I'm really not? I'm a sprelf, and I'm just tryin to prove a point to my horrible friend Charlie who constantly makes silly challenge bets with me and they end up like this
which is funny bc we're always like "wow our legends need to stop having silly contests that end with trouble"
"I'm half hypocrite on the sprite side"
ANYWAY
Elline is like really I'm not a spy. not a gnome spy. i swear. i dont even want the gold. i get paid v well and have so much pirate treasure it's fine honest
and the leprechauns are like THEN WHY ARE YA COMING OVER FROM THE GNOME FRONTIER?!@?!?!
GUILTY UNTIL PROVEN INNOCENT, they say, and LOCK ELLINE UP IN THE JAIL. TM.
Elline is like.
This is a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation dot jpeg
MEANWHILE, AT THE POLE...
Charlie runs into B, who's like, hey, have you seen Elle?
And Charlie's like maybe! I think she's out with Jacqueline. See, Jacquie and I were gonna do a thing, but I had another thing, but I finished the thing early and was going to call Jacqueline out on the gnome and leprechaun thing, but she's not around at all
and nor is Elle! So I'm guessing she took Elle with her instead!
Bernard, knowing full well how those two magibeans be: oh FUCK
Prior to this, Charlie ran into Jack who was like hey junior. you seen Jacqueline around
and he said the same thing to Jack!
Jack, also knowing full well how those two magibeans be: OH FUCK
are they talking about elle/jacquie or the gnomes/leprachauns? we'll never know (it's the latter but this works for the former too I am realizing)
SO. JACK AND BERNARD KNOW ALL ABOUT THE NONSENSE AND ARE LIKE AH SHIT
BOTH OF THEM CONTACT ELLINE (u know. telepathy/magical legend/legate link) LIKE "WHY THE FUCK DID YOU GO CANVAS THE GNOMES AND LEPRECHAUNS ????
And Elline is like I HAD A POINT TO PROVE
ANYWAY. I'M IN JAIL.
CAN YOU COME GET ME?
And so Jack and B go ALRIGHT GUESS WE'RE GOING TO BAIL OUR LOVED ONES OUT OF LEPRECHAUN JAIL
so off they fuck and go to post bail and the leprechauns go oh no no NO. THEY are getting a TRIAL. We can't let the gnomes think we don't know. They need to know. They need to know we know their TRICKS.
Jack and B are like OKAY FINE BUT WE DEMAND TO BE THERE
And the front desk leprechaun goes "oh NO you do NOT. closed court, only the plaintiff, defendant, lawyers, etc. no visitors. unless ur their lawyer which i KNOW ur not. so BYE."
Jack and B are FUMING
B: I'm head fucking ELF I know enough about magibean law to be a LAWYER.
Jack: I WENT TO LAW SCHOOL
B: you did-you-what? why?!
Jack: long story. got bored, needed to make the law work for me, went to law school.
so anyway. some kinda crazy discussion happens for sure that ends in ELLINE NEEDS A LAWYER
ELLINE. THE FUSION. NEEDS A LAWYER
WE BOTH HAVE THE KNOW HOW.
IF WE FUSED WE COULD LAWYER THE SHIT OUT OF THOSE GUYS AND GRAB ELLINE
They're like this is batshit insane. absolutely crazy
but you know, so is leprechaun court, and gnome court???? gods forbid
they have a brief discussion about concerns given that when jack fused with elle, they had to get separated by force courtesy of berline, v scaring and scarring, very jarring, do NOT want a repeat of that
but in the end they can put aside their differences/worries/concerns bc their loved ones are in TROUBLE.
so they do it. they fucking fuse.
Enter:
BERNACK! FUSION LAWYER
you know slannen the elf from ella enchanted? yeah. That's basically bernack
he appears, he looks SO normal. It's actually surprising.
he has a briefcase
he knows a LOT about LAWYER STUFF
he is READY TO KICK ASS IN THIS COURTROOM AND MARCHES THROUGH THE DOORS
they are the ULTIMATE lawyer
they have the boston accent
they shove over some leprechauns like IM WALKIN HERE
they got that DANK HETEROCHROMIA IN THE EYEBALLS!
they go BACK to the front desk, put their card down (which somehow they have an official business card???)
"I'm here to represent elline. it's non negotioable"
and BARGES into the courtroom
Elline is like. WHAT AM I SEEING. WHAT IS THIS
And Bernack is like this is me slash us getting your asses out of LEPRECHAUN jail. this was so stupid. why did you do this.
I HAD A POINT TO PROVE
Okay shut up, don't say ANYTHING. let me do the talking
Elline is like. I am concerned about this but also, intrigued
She like. does the thing where u zip ur lips and throw away the key
Bernack is like good choice. Also, keep an eye on me, if this goes south we'll need to pull a jackington
Elline (unzips lips) how would u like your death
Bernack: the less memes the better
Elline, the meme loving fuck: i make no promises (rezips lips, folds hands, sits and smiles)
Elline is basically ready to stab That Bitch at any given moment, but also, living for the chaos that is about to ensue
and chaos DOES ensue
the trial is stupid. it's rigged. bernack has to run loop holes around loop holes around loop holes. That's okay tho that's his specialty, loopholes and clauses
there is an ace attorney reference. multiple maybe even
this is SPARTA reference that ends with Elline kicking someone
U WANT THE TRUTH U CAN;T HANDLE THE TRUTH moment
but ANYWAY the trial is beyond frustrating because the leprechauns are STUBBORN and WANT to make a big move like showing the gnomes their spy apprehended, and so finally bernack is like I am AT my LIMIT and snaps their fingers or something and suddenly, fire!!
YEAH. BERNACK HAS FIRE POWER.
Of course, Bernack immediately thinks ARSON?????
He's perturbed but also. Intrigued. And also, burning the courtroom sounds great at this point it's been HOURS
And Elline thinks back, thrice as loud, ARSON! BURN IT DOWN! DO IT! LET'S BUST OUR ASSES OUT OF HERE. AHHHH
You'll never guess what they do
FIRE. That's what
And they trash the courthouse and book it
They win the case by default
Bernack's like TOLD YA I'D GET YOU OUT OF THERE as something explodes
Elline's like DON'T LOOK BACK AT THE EXPLOSION
Bernack's like COOL GUYS DONT LOOK BACK AT EXPLOSIONS as he pulls out shades and rushes away without looking behind him
I don't THINK they'd need to be forced apart. Pretty sure Jack and Bernard would be like "I've had enough of this guy" and just like. poof back to themselves
But not before giving Elline a piece of their mind
ELLINE YOU FUCKED UP ALL THE SHIT
SO DID YOU
BUT IT WAS AWESOME
YEAH IT WAS!
they high five and get iced cream or something.
idk man.
I feel like these are the most chaotic fusions that could exist. Chaotic in positive???? ways?????
BUT YEAH
Anyway back at the NP Elline kicks down the door to Charlie's room like GOT UR PROOF BUCKO, AND WE GOT TO DESTROY A COURTHOUSE!
And Charlie's like ): NOT because he was proven wrong but bc he did not get to destroy things with them ):
and that's the story of BERNACK! FUSION LAWYER!
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plumadot · 3 months
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Your art is like honey and marshmallows. It makes me feel so giddy! I love it! If you don’t mind can you do desert duo?
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can we still be friends?
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welcometogrouchland · 3 months
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ANOTHER SKETCH DUMP! Featuring more of me playing with lineless art. Batman reborn era trio (dick, damian and steph) I miss you...when will you return from war. Also featuring Steph designs bc I've seen ppl dissatisfied w/ her current look, some good mom Talia, and Jason Todd poetry club. Duke is confused not that Jason would start a poetry club but that he'd have such mid poetry opinions. (ID in Alt)
#dc comics#batfamily#damian wayne#stephanie brown#dick grayson#talia al ghul#duke thomas#cassandra cain#mine#woo new art tag. please god let me keep this up all year#uhh anyway yeah! still a big backlog of sketches but i got burnt out which means i had time to collect some#i feel like my art looks. extremely different w/o lines compared to with? idk i worry that's it weird/off-putting#but hey at the end of the day I'm hardly worrying about my brand integrity on tumblr dot com#duke and cass being at poetry club is based on them canonically being into poetry and for a good while duke and jason got along well#Steph is there for both jason and cass' emotional support (unfortunately there's a design flaw. she can't do both simultaneously)#(which is fine bc cass is fleeing the scene at the idea of having to casually hang out with jason)#(they're the exact amount of similar and more importantly different that it's like putting two firecrackers together. bad)#i really like the steph mask designs... it'd be fun to do something with them but idk what y'know?#I'm just like. if we're assuming that her mask has to be different from both babs and cass then this is what I've got as alternatives#i mostly wanted to practice character interaction with the talia and damian one... and also i love them#looking at james gunns batman movie proposal. you keep your hands OFF HER MR GUNN#please if shes evil in a movie they're never gonna let her be good in the comics again 😭#dc when you inevitably cave and do your next big reboot let the ppl finally have the son of the demon origin (w/ tweaks of course)#idk it's canon in my heart. heartcanon if you will <3#anyway yeah uhhhhhh enjoy?
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yourlocalabomination · 6 months
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Time bastard, You got some place else to be?
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foolishlovers · 4 months
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anything can be a good omens au if you’re unhinged enough
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elation-station · 11 months
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the town bisexuals are at your door it is time for you to pick a bride
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aroaceleovaldez · 6 months
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Nico and Percy's dynamic through the series is eternally funny to me, because it's just. like.
Percy's having a constant mental struggle between his fatal flaw of loyalty with a promise he made to Bianca to protect Nico, versus his Big 3 kid desire to maim other Big 3 kids / Poseidon descendant urge to totally maim Nico specifically. He hates Nico so so much. He thinks Nico's annoying and weird at best, and creepy/sketchy when he's older. The only positive thoughts Percy has towards Nico are "He's Bianca's brother and Bianca was my friend and I owe her/He's Hazel's brother and Hazel is my friend and would kill me if I was mean to him," "He's a powerful asset and useful ally (if questionable)," and "He's kinda pathetic and I feel maybe a little bad about it." Percy has multiple occasions throughout the series where he strongly considers - and on one occasionally actually goes through with - throttling Nico.
Meanwhile, Nico is following around Percy like a lost puppy. He explicitly can never bring himself to even dislike anything about Percy no matter how hard he tries. He has a whole bit in BoO where he's mentally going "UGH he's so stupid BUT IT'S ENDEARING HOW DARE HE." He's totally smitten. He's making deals with his dad for Percy. He's making convoluted plans to help Percy stand a chance against Kronos. During the entirety of BoTL it's like he's playing tsundere - "I'm helping NOT PERCY SPECIFICALLY with this quest! Me helping Percy would be SILLY because I DEFINITELY HATE HIM." Then he proceeds to show up to Percy's birthday party to basically ask him on a weird date and spend the entire next book scrambling around trying to help him or protect him or impress him. And Percy could not give less of a shit.
Just. That dynamic is so funny to me. Percy is the founder of the Nico Protection Club in that he's the one they're all protecting Nico from and meanwhile Nico is throwing himself at Percy to the point where the literal god of gay love calls him out on it.
#pjo#percy jackson#nico di angelo#Percy shows up at CJ and squints at Nico like ''hm. why do i feel like i hate you? like i just wanna punch you in the face?''#and Nico just immediately goes ''huh no idea anyways i have to go-'' and jumps into Tartarus#but not before he gives Hazel essentially a detailed explanation of ''this is Percy i cant say much but please dont let him die <3''#and Nico's whole Tartarus trip was basically a whole ''im doing this so no one else has to''#only for Percy and Annabeth to fall in like one book later and Nico proceeds to spend the next book internally screaming about it#and then Cupid calls him out on it and the next book#Nico's just like ''at this point im hoping i keel over within the next week just so i can force this dumb crush to chill the fuck out''#Nico staring pointedly at Will: ''For my own sake i need to form another crush RIGHT NOW so i can finally get over Percy.''#''this has been so bad for my health''#Nico's crush on Percy is just too funny to me. horrible pick my guy. terrible job. love that for you. he could not be less interested.#Percy LITERALLY TRIES TO KILL NICO and ditch him in the underworld and Nico is somehow STILL like ''but i love him''#Percy basically chokes him. beats up his dad. tells him ''go get smited by your dad for me.'' and ditches him.#and Nico's opinions/crush on him DO NOT CHANGE#though also Nico's reaction to Percy beating up his dad + skeletons is SO funny. his jaw is on the floor. he's flustered about it.#he just witnessed Percy be incredibly hot and proceeded to go ''yea i'll do anything for this man. collect reinforcements of 3 gods? sure''#nico you absolute DISASTER with HORRIBLE TASTE. you can do better. raise your standards.#which tbh is funnier when you factor in sun and the star. Nico just wont stop crushing on guys who dislike him and everything he stands for
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redysetdare · 8 months
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I think i just need to express that the culture surrounding QPRs right now made me think that i couldn't have strong bonds with my friends. Society told me i cant have strong bonds with friends because that was only for romantic relationships. Then i went into aro spaces and this idea was reinforced using QPRs instead of romantic relationships. it was "You can still have strong bonds with people without romance! It can just be a QPR instead!" "QPRs are MORE than friendship so you can have STRONGER BONDS than you would with friends."
it made me think that the relationships i wanted with my friends HAD to be something other than friendship for it to be as strong as i wanted. If i wanted to be the first person in someones life i had to enter some sort of committed relationship. if I wanted someone to care about me as strongly as i did them then it would have to be a relationship that was "more" than friendship.
I thought I wanted a QPR because i was told the only way to get that care and security that I wanted was to enter into a relationship that was "more" than friendship. because friends didn't care that much. because friends didn't live together their entire lives. because friends were never the priority relationship wise. and it took me years to realize that i didn't want any partnership and i shouldn't have to be in one to want these things from a friend. these things CAN be something friends can do. but i found that out on my own. because the aro community kept saying "you want a QPR" when i just wanted a friend who finally saw me as a priority in their life.
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egophiliac · 10 months
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Have you heard of the "Crowley is Malleus' dad" theory going around? Where Prince Levan (or whatever his name is) didn't actually die and just went out to get some milk and is now known as Dire Crowley, the silly man? The implications of that theory is absolutely hilarious when you think about it
hold on, we can figure this out, we just need LISTS
PROS THAT CROWLEY IS SECRETLY REVAAN/LEVAN/LAVERNE/WHATEVER:
unspecified fae of some kind, with similar coloring to Mal
the animal masks are apparently a Briar Valley thing
has some kind of big blackmailable secret that was alluded to in episode 4, and then as far as I know never brought up again
(unless this was just Azul bullshitting, which is extremely possible)
based on Diablo, which...maybe means something?
has canonically worn Dad Shorts
CONS:
(gestures to Crowley's entire personality)
NO LISTEN Revaan was the guy they sent off on diplomatic missions and to take care of delicate political situations, and...look, I love this dweeb, but would you trust Crowley to be in charge of negotiating your war treaties
despite my brain insisting on reading his name as "Raven", Revaan's title does imply that he was also a dragon (or super into longan berries, I'm not ruling that out)
currently unclear why Lilia "my closest friend Revaan...he is no longer with us...I used to make fun of him for being kind of a priss about eating jerky..." Vanrouge has somehow not noticed or said anything
Malleus' Aloof Anime ~Aristocrat~ vibe had to come from somewhere, and by all accounts it was NOT his mom's side of the family
???:
turns into a bird in the opening, I don't know if that means anything but it's kinda cool, I guess
all that aside, if Malleus and Yuu are any indication, then the Draconias have...questionable taste in their social choices. so anything is possible!
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accirax · 3 months
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🌟🍬🤖🎈Congrats to Wonderlands x Showtime for finishing their 4x4!🌟🍬🤖🎈
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unipacas · 10 months
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need them to be bffs and i will keep manifesting idc 😂❤💜
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ryoalouette · 9 months
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Machi's Idea #4
The JL can't understand what's wrong. They did their best effort to honor the king of dead and celebrate accordingly with the most strict protocol. Yet the king seems equally dull and annoyed. The JLD knows what's going on but they decided to say nothing in the hopes that this would teach the JL a lesson. Jason tried to explain the situation but none of the "adults" (aka Batman) listened to him so he decided to get his point across by getting into a fist fight with the king. One hour later they are kissing and Jason is explaining to the JL that ghost bond through fighting.
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altheadajoysoul · 10 months
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Cheer Up Tickles >>>>
!!!NSFW/KINK/BLANK/NON-TK BLOGS DNI PLEASE!!!
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((Click/tap for better quality!))
((Reblogs give me 🧡motivation and serotonin💜))
MORE TK ART FROM ME???? FINALLY?????? REAL???!!!??!????!?!?!?!?!?
ANYWAY THE LEE!VINCE GRIND DOESN'T STOP 💪💪💪 SHOUTOUT TO MY MOOTS ON DISCORD WHO'VE BEEN CONTINUOUSLY SCREAMING WITH ME ABOUT HIM HAKGNAOFN
Edit: oml how is this post still getting notes 👁👁 (tysm for liking my silly little tk comic about my silly little OCs HSJGJSHFH)
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kitamars · 6 months
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i have nothing for halloween so take some yokai ginhiji doodles so you know im not dead ndnjvjd
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sneez · 1 month
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conrad veidt would make a great tragedian i think
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ahappydnp · 29 days
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sorry but something about them still creating weird imaginative projects together. the thing they bonded over 15 years ago. not taking themselves too seriously and having fun with a shared vision...
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