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aeoliantectrix4 minutes ago
Hey sorry about the personal question, but if you're comfortable could you give me some insight into what an aroace polyam relationship looks like? No pressure to answer :)
Sure thing!
So every relationship is different, and what someone else wants out of their relationship could easily be different from what I personally want, but in my case it would be a QPR but with multiple partners. A group of people who I maybe live with that I'm in a committed relationship with, but minus the sex (I don't personally care if any of my partners have sex, I just don't personally want it most of the time) and with the understanding that I love them but not always necessarily in a "romantic" way by amatonormative standards of romance. People I could wake up to, knowing everyone preferred hot drink, cheek and forehead kisses before leaving the house, "goodnight, I love you"s, cuddles during movie night; I want that. But I don't want the expectations of having to conform to a standard of relationships. I don't want the "we just seem like good friends, idk if I'm down to keep calling this dating". I want the thing where people can't tell if we're just friends or dating because the answer is both.
I want to make dinner for my polycule and have them know that this means I love them. I want to know where everyone's boundaries lie for touch and I want to be there to give them hugs when they're sad. I want to remember birthdays and I want to be kissed on the cheek under the mistletoe at Yule.
For me the difference between a "regular" polycule and the QPR polycule I want lies mostly in the expectations of what romance is "supposed" to feel like and how people in a romantic relationship are "supposed" to act. My issues with this probably come from a lot of places, but I'm not gonna get into that rn. I can love, I can have crushes, but the pressure of getting it right or doing things correctly when it comes to romance has always made me incredibly nervous and unhappy, and I feel much more comfortable in a QPR because the boundaries for that are generally a little more defined from the very beginning rather than requiring an awkward conversation of "yes i like you and want to date you but i only like kissing sometimes and dating to me just means hanging out and cuddling or going and doing something with the possibility of maybe making out but that's a remote possibility not the main goal here" and that being a weird conversation with weird hangups rather than an expected discussion of boundaries.
I feel like I've rambled a lot in this, and I'm not sure how much sense I'm making so I hope I've answered your question! Feel free to ask more stuff if I need to clarify anything I've said!
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snapdrxgon-ivy2 hours ago
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I did some world/character building for the WoF AU with my friends and basically this is what we've figured out, though I'll go into more depth later on
-Logan is babey
-Logan has Queerplatonic Relationships with everyone but Remus, which is purely Romantic
-Virgil and Logan's relationship is strongest
-Remus and Roman get 'mad' about that
-(They don't really they just miss their dragon boyfriends sometimes)
-Virgil gives piggyback rides to Patton, Roman, and Logan because he's the tallest and strongest
-Patton is soft and squishy but will commit arson
-Virgil is a himbo
-Logan didn't talk much when on the volcano so his voice doesn't work well
-Logan does that one kitten meme "No talk, me angy" thing whenever one of the others cooes at him
-A lot of this is Logan-centric because I love him
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hannahdra-ws2 hours ago
Hhh did you mention queerplatonic royality? Literally that's so cool? What's their dynamic like and how do their romantic partners treat it?
I did!!! Their dynamic is "Roman gives Patton all the platonic kisses he wants and they cuddle sometimes" and they figured out that Patton was gray-aro (the infrequent type) and he obviously had Some Feelings for Roman but he decided they weren't completely romantic so! QPR 馃槍 Logan + Virgil are fine with it too
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longdistancesuggestions3 hours ago
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Watching a show and texting each other your thoughts on it as you progress
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gay-otlc5 hours ago
aroace Fitz?
Okay so I talked about this a little in aroace Sophie, but I would love to add on!
Fitz loves baking -> Fitz loves cake -> Fitz is ace. Logic.
But really Fitz loves making ace pride flag cakes
You know the cognate rings? They're actually just ace rings.
I think aro rings are also a thing so he has an aro ring as well.
Fitz signed up for the match early on, right? Why? Because Alden is an aphobic asshole.
But anyway Fitz is romance repulsed
The thought having a Winnowing Gala? And dating people? Makes him want to vomit up all that ace cake.
And everyone expected him and Sophie to get together?
Which made him s u p r e m e l y uncomfortable but he wanted to live up to expectations so he asked her out
And then he thought she wanted him to kiss her? Which was very Ew but he didn't want to disappoint her, so...
He was so relieved when Silveny interrupted.
And he was sad when they broke up, but a bit relieved that at least they didn't have to be romantic anymore???
And then he was just confused.
He knew he had a lot of feelings for her. They didn't feel quite like friend feelings, but if he tried to think about them feeling like romantic feelings... no.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: QPR Sophitz
Fitz's mind is basically just like
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In conclusion: Aroace Fitz supremacy.
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killjoy-james9 hours ago
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Why do you always ask?
Why is there always speculation into who鈥檚 bed I spend the night in?
Why do you want details about what happened behind closed doors?
Am I losing myself by letting you assume?
I鈥檝e gone and forgotten the meaning behind a kiss.
What if I was never like you?
Favoring sex as a finish line to cross,
What if I鈥檓 contempt to never get there?
What if I鈥檓 elated just to share the moments between breathes of smoke,
When their eyes meet mine,聽
A smile is incendiary,
And what if I could be satiated just to bask in its presence?聽
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dr-gayley21 hours ago
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the best part about being poly is that im able to say聽鈥渙ur boyfriend/our partner/our partners鈥, theres no greater sentence on earth
聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 MLM & NBLM ONLY
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enbies-and-felonies23 hours ago
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I think it鈥檚 funny because as an ace/aro-spec person I personally don鈥檛 think I would feel comfortable kissing someone in a romantic setting, but MAN would I love to platonically kiss my homies
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elis-sad-lgbtq-editsa day ago
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Transmasc Bi Qpr/Couple Moodboard with Yearning and Holding Hands for anon
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moxlobstera day ago
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Levana lynx, a warlock and Dominique, xyr elder god/patron/Queerplatonic partner. The pen I was trying out didn't go as planned so I'm going back to my normal ones, but I still think it turned out ok
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So Levana is a really fun character to draw and I'd love to go into more detail with xyr backstory but my brain is not functioning enough for that so I'll get it done later. I picture them as both non binary with Levana using Xe/Xem pronouns (and if any can tell be how to pronounce those that would a great help since I don't want to screw up if I'm talking about an actual person either) and Dominique uses He/it
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elis-sad-lgbtq-editsa day ago
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Agender Person x Nonbinary Person Qpr/Couple Moodboard with Themes of Yearning and Missing Each Other for anon
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unimportantweirdoa day ago
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queer platonic relationships are making a lotta sense right now
also i'm trying to find a word for someone who might not necessarily be poly but would totally be okay with being in a polycule (?) or a poly relationship
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an-aspec-of-lifea day ago
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So, as an aromantic, I'm not really fond of "get together" fics because I don't really get how it works.
I feel like that really came to a head when I missed the entirety of the "getting together" stage of my own relationship.
Just... A whole month of flirting, straight over my head.
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thedaughterofshadowsa day ago
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Aspec Arda Week Day 4 - Worldbuilding
@aspecardaweek
Fandom: Lord of the Rings
Rating: Gen
Warnings: None
Event warnings: something that can be read as romantic but isn't intended to be
Characters: Gimli, Legolas, OCs
Relationships: Gimli & Legolas, F铆a &/ Erla
Summary: In which Legolas gets to hold a baby and we explore dwarrow family structures. Featuring QPR Legolas & Gimli, our awesome ladies F铆a and Erla and their kid Eiri.
A continuation of yesterday's fic, with allo-aro Gimli & aro-ace Legolas. F铆a is still demi-romantic, Erla still loves her very much and Eiri is the kid alluded to in the last section of Day 3
In the AspecArda collection called "The Family grows"
鈥淐ome, my friend, I would like to introduce you to someone.鈥
Legolas followed Gimli down the streets of Aglarond. They had left behind the market and had entered the living area. Legolas thought they might have been in the Jeweller guild section, but he was not certain.
The city had grown much since the last time he had visited.
Gimli finally came to a halt in front of one of the many homes. Its bright red door was adorned with carvings and a little hammer used as a doorknocker.
He let the hammer fall gently against the door.
Moments later the door was thrown open and a widely smiling dwarrow appeared in the doorway.
鈥淕imli! Right on time! Eiri just woke up from a nap!鈥 Her gaze settled on Legolas.
鈥淎nd you must be Legolas! We have heard much about you. Erla, daughter of Bera, at your service. I welcome you into our home!鈥
鈥淚 thank you for the welcome, Lady Erla. My name is indeed Legolas, and I am pleased to meet you!鈥, Legolas replied and followed the two dwarrow inside.
Erla led them down a corridor too low for Legolas to stand upright. Finally, she opened a door, and they entered a parlour. Another dwarf sat in one of the chairs, a small bundle wrapped in their arms.
鈥淭his is F铆a, my wife鈥, Erla announced proudly, her smile fading into something softer, besotted.
鈥淎nd this, Legolas, my friend鈥, Gimli tugged him closer towards F铆a, 鈥渋s our little one, Eiri.鈥
Legolas stared at the tiny dwarven baby in awe. Blue eyes stared back, and grabby hands reached for his hair.
F铆a giggled. 鈥淲ould you like to hold them?鈥
Legolas looked up at the dwarrowdam. 鈥淭hey are so small! I would be loath to hurt them!鈥
鈥淥h, never you worry about that. Our babes are not so fragile as you seem to believe!鈥, F铆a dismissed his concerns, 鈥淓iri seems to like you well enough, and my braids will be glad for the break from all the tugging!鈥
She put the tiny being into Legolas鈥 arms. Immediately Eiri鈥檚 fingers tangled in his hair.
Gimli found his friend a little time later in front of the fireplace, a wondrous smile on his lips as he listened intently to Eiri鈥檚 babbling, nodding every now and then.
Gimli smiled.
鈥淗m, little one, have you been catching up the elvish princeling on all the important city gossip?鈥
Eiri just gurgled and gave a gummy, toothless smile.
鈥淵ou have created a truly wonderful new life. My sincerest congratulations to you all. A beautiful babe.鈥
He grimaced at an especially hard tug on his hair.
鈥淎nd a strong one, too! I understand why your mother was glad for the break if you abuse her thusly all the time!鈥
The dwarf laughed softly. 鈥淪hall I save you from your terrible fate so that you may come and join us for dinner?鈥
鈥淭hat may be advisable, my dear friend! I doubt I should prevail for long against such a formidable foe!鈥, Legolas, too, laughed, trying to regain control over his braids.
Dinner was a joyous affair with Erla recounting a story of a particularly obnoxious client 鈥 鈥淣o sense of taste, I am telling you! And incapable of making up his mind! Wooden beads to propose marriage! The audacity!鈥
Here she huffed and F铆a took the opportunity to interrupt.
鈥淓rla, of course, chose silver for her engagement beads. Rose quartz and garnet splitters. They were beautiful.鈥
She smiled and reached out to grasp Erla鈥檚 hand.
Eiri was dozing contently in Gimli鈥檚 arms.
Legolas cleared his throat. 鈥淔orgive me if I am overstepping my bounds, but might I enquire how this all fits together? I understand that the two of you are married, but鈥︹, he trailed off, uncertain as to how to put his questions into words.
The dwarrow exchanged a look, but at last Erla nodded decisively.
鈥淵ou are Gimli鈥檚 partner, so to me it does not seem false to share this knowledge with you.
All dwarrow experience the call to a particular craft, but for some of us it is stronger than for others. Those, who are called loudly, they often take no lovers and build no families. If then some of the few dwarrowdams left marry each other like F铆a and I, it puts the continued survival of our people at risk.鈥
鈥淣evertheless, we were never forced to marry or bear children should we not wish to do so. The habit established long ago that any dwarrow who were called by their craft, but willing to conceive a child, did so. The child is then raised by the other parent or parents if it is a couple like us鈥, F铆a continued.
鈥淥r sometimes two couples will have children together. We introduced my cousin and his husband to some friends of ours a few years ago. They got on well enough that they now have three children already!鈥, Erla exclaimed.
Eiri, unhappy to have been so rudely roused from slumber, started wailing at her loud words.
F铆a took the squalling bundle from Gimli鈥檚 arms.
鈥淚t is long past this little one鈥檚 bedtime, I should think! No wonder you are upset! Hush now, Mama will tuck you in.鈥
She gently rocked the baby, humming a lullaby.
鈥淲e shall intrude on your hospitality no longer then!鈥, said Gimli and stood, so Legolas hurried to follow suit.
鈥淕ive F铆a my regards. I shall see you soon.鈥
Before they left, Erla put a hand on Legolas鈥 arm.
鈥淚t was a great pleasure to meet you. I can see why Gimli has taken such a liking to you. Should you ever happen this way again, do not hesitate to knock on our door, yes? Even if Gimli is not with you.鈥
Legolas smiled brightly. 鈥淭his was indeed a most fortunate meeting! I, too, am glad that Gimli has friends such as you and I hope the stars will shine upon your and your family鈥檚 future! Until we meet again!鈥
Walking down the well-lit paths to Gimli鈥檚 home, Legolas鈥 happiness abated, and a contemplative silence fell over him.
Luckily, Gimli seemed to understand his need to think, for he said no word for the entire walk.
Gimli put down a mug of ale in front of Legolas before settling into his own chair.
Legolas traced a finger over the rim of the mug, glad for the shadowy room that seemed so typical for all dwarrow halls at night when candles where the only source of light, their flames reflected in the veins of precious stones that had given the caves their name.
鈥淵ou were called by your craft.鈥
It was more statement than question and Legolas did not dare look at his friend, afraid to find that their friendship did not mean as much to Gimli as it meant to him.
鈥淣o. No, I was not. For the longest time I thought I was, but it is not that. My heart simply does not desire the relationship with a spouse. It took a long time, but deep in my heart I know now that I am happy, spouse or not.
This鈥, Legolas saw up. Gimli was gesturing between the two of them.
鈥淭his鈥, the dwarf repeated, 鈥渙ur friendship, is the most important relationship in my life. I value it above all others.鈥
Gimli鈥檚 eyes seemed to glow in the candlelight and his words warmed Legolas鈥 heart.
鈥淎s do I鈥, he finally whispered.
They shared a smile.
鈥淚 do have one last question, though鈥, Legolas said.
鈥淗ow does little Eiri fit into all this?鈥
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sidespromptbloga day ago
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A Close Friend: (2/2)
One
Warnings: Crying (Roman), Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Talk of suicidal thoughts (Past Logan), and Roman calling Janus 鈥楧eciet鈥 instead of his actual name multiple times.聽
Summary: Roman goes to Logan in order to vent and ramble about everything that had happened about Thomas, Patton, and Janus. But in the process finds Logan dealing with his own bottled emotions, as well as an uncomfortable thought that Logan has been dealing with as of late that leaves Roman scared for Logan鈥檚 own safety. So he decided to help, in whatever way that he can.
AO3 LINK
Word Count: 3876
Logan woke groggily, with a feeling of warmth surrounding him as his head remained buried under a mound of blankets and his body surrounded by a wall of pillows blocking out the outside world from his cocoon of sleep. For a solid few minutes, he wanted to stay like that, tucked away so that he would never have to bother with anything outside of his little nest ever again. Although logically he knew that eventually, he鈥檇 have to. He had duties, and more than that鈥 he had to face just what he had confessed to Roman the previous night.聽
Just the thought of it made his stomach squirm, as feelings of shame, embarrassment, and guilt writhed around inside of him.聽
Why had he said that? What on earth had possessed him to drop all of that on Roman right then and there. He was usually so reserved around the other side, and seeing him when the creative side had witnessed him so openly weeping鈥
It had made everything just spill out of him like a faucet that couldn鈥檛 be turned off. But then again鈥
The memory of being cradled so gently in the other side鈥檚 arms made a warmth erupt in his heart and face, the feeling of Roman鈥檚 hands gingerly carding through his hair in an effort to soothe his endless sobs made him feel safe.
Opening his eyes was a trial in itself, as they felt so crusty and dry from the endless crying he had done the previous night.
A pang of something slammed into his heart.
That鈥檚 right鈥 Roman had caught him crying, Roman had heard him say what he鈥檇 said, and Roman had...聽
Cracking open his eyes Logan found himself staring point-blank at Roman鈥檚 chest. Somehow in the middle of the night, they had both wound up curling into each other. Roman鈥檚 arms securely wrapped around Logan, keeping him fixed to his chest where Logan鈥檚 cheek had remained smushed against him for the entire night. Roman鈥檚 expression was peaceful, letting Logan know that he hadn鈥檛 yet woken up despite the mid-afternoon light that was pouring through the windows, only halted by the curtains surrounding the bed. The soft little snores that left the creative side sounded like that of a little bear, tucked away from the winter and in the warmth of his own little cave.聽
All in all, it was鈥 nice.聽
It was nice to be held like this, and to know that Roman clearly didn鈥檛 mind having him so close.聽
For a moment he fancied the idea of letting his eyes close again, of just sinking back into a lovely slumber that would undoubtedly bring him back to the peaceful dream that he had been having before he had woken up. It would be easy, just one movement, for his eyes to slide shut and not open until Roman chose to wake him up again. His fingers clenched into the fabric of Roman鈥檚 shirt, as he unconsciously nestled his face against the other side鈥檚 warm chest that was already making him sleepy once again. A yawn tugged at the edge of his lips, teasing him and offering him the very thing he had wanted the night before.
聽With Roman here, there was no doubt about whether or not he鈥檇 sleep well.聽
Fingers tangled themselves into Logan鈥檚 hair, smoothing down his hair. 鈥淒on鈥檛 go back to sleep just yet,鈥 Logan鈥檚 eyes that had been attempting to drift shut, snapped open glancing up at the creative side. Sleep hung onto the other, with the remnants being cleared away as Roman lifted his hand up from Logan鈥檚 back to rub at his eyes. 鈥淲e鈥檝e got so much to do today, so we can鈥檛 sleep the whole day away. Right?鈥
Of course, Roman had mentioned something about doing something.
Honestly, it had just slipped his mind with all of the heightened emotions he had been feeling last night, and really鈥 he had honestly just thought Roman was just saying that to get his mind off of what he had said. Roman had never wanted to spend time with him before after all, so the idea that he actually meant it鈥
It was rather surprising.聽
Roman鈥檚 fingers raked through Logan鈥檚 messy bedhead, attempting to pull the logical side out of whatever had made his eyes look so far away and foggy. The pleased look from the other that this action earned him made Roman want to smile and never stop. He鈥檇 made good progress with Logan last night, to the point where now Logan wasn鈥檛 even trying to hide the things that made him happy. A part of him would have been content enough to just lay here, with Logan鈥檚 head resting so comfortably on his chest, letting the other stew in the comfort of his room.聽
But he鈥檇 already made plans, and these were plans that he wasn鈥檛 going to cancel.聽
鈥淐ome on,鈥 Roman grunted lifting himself off of the feathery softness of his own bed, only to find himself fighting a strange sense of disappointment when Logan finally lifted his head up, detaching their limbs from one another. 鈥淟et鈥檚 get dressed, wear something comfortable for you. I鈥檓 going to take you on a trip today.鈥
鈥淎re you going to tell the others?鈥 There was a bolt of dead silence between them, as Roman鈥檚 legs hung over the edge of his bed, his back turned to Logan. 鈥淎bout鈥 what I said?鈥澛
A torrent of emotions riled Roman鈥檚 insides at the very loaded question that had come so early in the morning for both of them. It was鈥 as much as he disliked it, a very valid question to have about what he鈥檇 heard and what he鈥檇 seen Logan going through. It wasn鈥檛 something that he could just ignore, and it wasn鈥檛 something that could just be swept under the rug. Feelings and emotions like that鈥 they didn鈥檛 just go away after one good night's rest and one good day spent. It had to be worked on, and鈥 Roman knew that there were going to be slipping days. Where Logan would inevitably fall back into that rabbit hole of dark thoughts, where he missed the feeling of being sad even if he was doing better.聽
鈥淚 don鈥檛 know.鈥 He honestly said, and he didn鈥檛. There wasn鈥檛 much that sides could do in order to help their own mental issues. 鈥淒o you want me to tell them?鈥澛
He could feel the other side of the bed shifting as Logan scrunched up where they had just been laying together. He could imagine what the logical side looked like. His legs pulled up to his chest, perhaps hugging a pillow, or maybe just sitting there looking away from Roman with thoughts and emotions that the creative side didn鈥檛 really understand yet.聽
鈥淚 don鈥檛 think I want them to know,鈥 Logan finally spoke. 鈥淚 know for certain that I don鈥檛 want Thomas to know, and I can鈥檛 promise I won鈥檛 have those thoughts and feelings again. I鈥檓 sure that they will come back, even if it's not now鈥︹澛
Finally Roman turned to look at Logan, the look on his face speaking volumes as to what he was feeling without words even being needed. Reaching over, he grasped the top of Logan鈥檚 hand holding it tight enough to get the other鈥檚 attention on him and not the wrinkled blankets in his grasp.聽
鈥淟ogan, I never expected you to not feel those things.鈥 Roman sternly but softly began. 鈥淚 just don鈥檛 want you to deal with them alone. I don鈥檛 want you to promise to never try to feel them again, but鈥 maybe to come to someone about them. Be it me, Patton, or Virgil. I don鈥檛 want you to have to deal with those kinds of thoughts alone, we鈥︹ Roman gave his hand one more squeeze. 鈥淲e鈥檙e stronger together rather than alone, you taught me that remember?鈥澛
An absolutely heart-wrenching look of happiness appeared on Logan鈥檚 face at Roman鈥檚 reminder, he had taught Roman that. That the chimera was best fought with friends, after recuperating and taking time to rest one's wounds rather than continuously trying to go it alone again and again. How had he forgotten his own lesson so easily?聽
It hadn鈥檛 been that long ago either.聽
鈥淚 promise, whoever you decide to go to for help鈥 I鈥檒l be there alongside you should they give you any shit for it.鈥 At that moment Roman felt a little bit of Remus鈥 wildness, as he grinned sharply back at Logan, a promise of violence somewhere in those words of his that his brother would most definitely be proud of. Had he heard it? But that was to be discussed for a later date, and later arguments should the others decide to not help Logan at all. 鈥淣ow get dressed dork, I鈥檝e got a lot planned.鈥澛犅
The purely puzzled but equally curious look on Logan鈥檚 face ignited a fierce determination and excitement inside of him.聽
A determination to make this the best day possible for this logical side.聽
鈥淲hy are we out in the real world?鈥 Logan asked almost as soon as they rose up just far from Thomas鈥 actual house, this wasn鈥檛 the mindspace鈥 So Roman wasn鈥檛 just going to summon things in the imagination to please Logan and call it a day? 鈥淚鈥檓 afraid鈥 I don鈥檛 quite understand.鈥 He softly admitted, nervously tugging at the strings of the hoodie he had decided to wear. 鈥淲hat if Thomas or one of the others needs us for something?鈥澛
Roman didn鈥檛 answer, his face gaining a somewhat cloudy look that told Logan easily enough that this wasn鈥檛 necessarily a good topic.聽
Instead, he seized Logan鈥檚 hand in his own, holding it tight. 鈥淔uck 鈥榚m.鈥 Roman declared, a rather reckless grin playing on his lips. 鈥淭hey can deal until we come back, and really鈥 this is a day for us to enjoy, so let鈥檚 enjoy it. No mindspace, no Thomas, and no鈥 problems. Just a fun day out, with lots of real places to go and enjoy for once.鈥 No having Thomas around to tell them what they could or couldn鈥檛 do so that they didn鈥檛 raise a ruckus, that was the best part in Roman鈥檚 opinion.聽
But even so, Logan couldn鈥檛 help but to nod his head slowly.聽
Yes鈥 fun.
Fun.聽
How long had it been since he鈥檇 had fun with one of the other sides, no鈥 how long had it been since he鈥檇 done something fun with Roman that didn鈥檛 involve the imagination in some capacity? Or even Patton just strong-arming Roman into making sure that Logan got to come along for the ride, even if he didn鈥檛 necessarily enjoy it half of the time.
Roman wanted him here this time, and Roman was smiling at him promising to do things that he鈥檇 enjoy as well.聽
A tentative smile curled on the logical side鈥檚 face, 鈥淭hat sounds rather enjoyable,鈥 He gave Roman鈥檚 hand an affirming squeeze. 鈥淟ead the way then鈥 Princey.鈥澛
Roman couldn鈥檛 help but to let out a good-natured snort at the sound of his old nickname, it had been so long since he鈥檇 heard it after all. But more than that鈥 it felt almost empowering to know that Logan had placed his trust in him, to know that he had Logan鈥檚 full support with everything that they were going to do today.聽
Without so much as another word, he led Logan away and towards the fun that they were both destined to have today; not even looking back once to wonder about the other sides and the human that they were leaving behind for their adventures.聽
It was a day for them after all, nobody else.聽
聽Leading Logan through all of the events he鈥檇 planned for him, it honestly kind of shocked Roman as to how much he hadn鈥檛 known that he鈥檇 been kind of neglecting Logan as a friend. The uncertain responses that he got from Logan, which eventually bridged into full unbridled excitement that had been hiding away for far too long only served as a way to prove Roman鈥檚 thoughts correct. Logan had barely let go of his hand in the entire time that they鈥檇 started their day trip, not that Roman minded exactly, he鈥檇 held him firm as he talked and rambled about the things and places that Roman brought him to.聽
So much interesting history, history that Roman would have otherwise brushed off on account of it being too 鈥渂oring鈥 or too鈥 Logan-ish for him.
It certainly didn鈥檛 help the guilt that continuously seemed to boil in his stomach ever since seeing Logan鈥檚 breakdown from the previous night.聽
If anything, it only served as a way to make him feel just the slightest bit worse for not listening in the first place.聽
It was only when settling down with lunch that Logan finally released Roman鈥檚 hand and in turn stopped what he was talking about.聽
Almost immediately Roman looked over at him, after having spread out the picnic blanket and all of their food, he had almost expected Logan to go off about something like the origins of picnics and how they were created, or something like that. But instead, Logan merely just laid on his back staring up at the sky as the clouds lazily inched across casting vague shadows onto the earth where they were laying.聽
鈥淩oman.鈥 Logan softly began, the tone of his voice marginally different than before. Almost immediately Roman鈥檚 attention was focused on him, the food surrounding them nothing more than an afterthought. 鈥淲hy did you come to my room last night?鈥 Glancing over to him, Logan held an almost sad smile on his face. 鈥淚t can鈥檛 have been for anything good right? Up until last night, I鈥檓 sure that you hated me and my face.鈥澛
Ah鈥
The conversation that Roman really didn鈥檛 want to have, and the conversation that Logan intuitively knew to ask about.聽
A sigh broke through his silence as the creative side rubbed at his face, 鈥淲ell,鈥 He almost stubbornly began, 鈥淔irst things first, I have not and will never hate you.鈥 Roman started off, pointing his finger in Logan鈥檚 direction that sour feeling of guilt bubbling anew. 鈥淚 don鈥檛 think I ever understood you, or how you thought maybe鈥 but never hate. Never.鈥 Knowing what he did now鈥 he could never hate Logan, it was something that he should have realized a long time ago. But in the very least鈥 it was a good thing he was realizing it now and not later when it was too late. 鈥淎nd Second鈥︹ Roman grimaced, the memories of Deceit鈥檚鈥 or rather Janus鈥 reveal tasting like poison on his tongue.聽
Logan sat up abruptly at the emotions that flew over Roman鈥檚 face like a hurricane ripping through the gulf, his stretched-out legs easily tucking under him as he seemed to give Roman his full attention. His eyes hidden as they were behind his glasses, remained firmly fixed to the creative side's face.聽
鈥淲hat happened?鈥
There really was no hiding it, was there?聽
Roman wanted to snort at the irony of it all, try as he may to hide something. Be that Remus, his own emotions, or just how he was trying and failing to deal with his own shortcomings鈥 everything always came out in one way or another. It was better to just get it all out now, rather than to let someone else tell it without taking his side of the story into context first.聽
Hopefully, Logan wouldn鈥檛 judge him too harshly for it鈥
鈥淩oman?鈥澛
The side in question almost smiled, it seemed like it was Logan鈥檚 turn to be the one confronting the creative side about his own emotions, as well as the consequences of them. But then again鈥 That鈥檚 what friends were for right? He鈥檇 said so just last night, when he had tucked Logan away from all of his bad thoughts, and given him the best dream he could possibly think of.聽
Logan was his friend, so of course, he鈥檇 want to help and hear out Roman鈥檚 grievances about what had happened.聽
鈥淚鈥︹ Roman sighed to himself yet again as he ran his hands over his face, 鈥淢essed up.鈥 He lamely explained, grimacing at the terrible explanation that even a toddler could do better than him. 鈥淒eceit told us his name鈥 like Virgil did, and I uh鈥 I made fun of it. I didn鈥檛 hold back, not like I did with Virgil. After everything that had happened with the wedding, the trial, and鈥 the aftermath I was just so angry for everyone trying to pull me every which way. I was angry at myself for鈥︹ Roman stopped, he hadn鈥檛 realized when he鈥檇 started it, but he鈥檇 started to rant. His hands making exaggerated motions as he told Logan about what he鈥檇 said about Deceit鈥檚 name, and just how far he鈥檇 gone when it seemed like Deceit was going to be accepted with no issue. He hadn鈥檛 even realized he was ranting until he鈥檇 needed to take a breath. 鈥淪orry鈥︹澛
Instead of just waving him off, however, or even starting to eat like they鈥檇 planned on doing Logan merely cocked his head to the side a curiously befuddled expression on his face.聽
鈥淪orry for what?鈥 The logical side asked, 鈥淚 asked what was wrong and you鈥檙e explaining it to me. You don鈥檛 have to apologize to me for talking, I鈥檓 here to listen.鈥澛
It was said so simply, but the Roman had the feeling that the words themselves were something that Logan would've wanted to hear months ago when he was airing his own thoughts towards anyone. And as such, it made them so very important to the logical side鈥 it made them true.聽
Roman knew that for certain, and yet鈥 it didn鈥檛 stop the flood of gratitude that filled his heart.聽
Swallowing thickly he nodded, and carried on his voice carrying out well until the sun started to dip behind the trees. By then his chest felt lighter, and his mind clearer as Logan sat there not once daring to look away from Roman as he talked about everything. From his complicated feelings about Patton and Janus, to how he felt about having to switch it up so often with the both of them that it was just leaving him exhausted to the point where he just wanted to agree to get it all over with and save himself the emotional rollercoaster of dealing with the two other sides. Because at least then, he wouldn鈥檛 be criticized so harshly, and at least then he would know what was correct and what was wrong in the eyes of Patton.聽
Logan understood that notion perfectly well.聽聽
鈥淪ometimes I just don鈥檛 know what to do, and I鈥檓 angry at myself for it. I want to just decide about something and have that be the end of it, I don鈥檛 want to have to come back a week or even a month later and have a whole discussion about what I did being morally wrong, 鈥渢echnically morally wrong but kind of right鈥, I just want that to be it!鈥 Roman鈥檚 chest heaved, and by the end of his rant, he felt the frustrated tears he鈥檇 been holding back since that day finally flow down his cheeks as warbling croaking sob cracked in his chest like a broken instrument determined to never play again. 鈥淚 don鈥檛 know what to do, I don鈥檛 want to be wrong...鈥 He sniffled, bringing his hands up to his eyes desperate to wipe away his tears.聽
However, almost as soon as he moved to shield his tears from sight, he found himself crushed into a hug. His head pressed solidly against Logan鈥檚 collarbone, as the logical side mimicked the motion that Roman himself had done just the other night as he ran his fingers through the creative side鈥檚 hair. If anything, the genuine comfort that the other side was attempting to give only made Roman shake harder as he clutched Logan tightly.聽
It felt so nice to finally be on the receiving end of comfort after so long of just giving it.聽
鈥淚 think鈥︹ Logan gently whispered, not daring to make his voice louder. 鈥淲hat I鈥檝e learned is that you can try and try to choose the answer that will always please somebody else. But鈥 it won鈥檛 work, if they don鈥檛 even know what they want then they will always find some fault with it, and that鈥檚 not your fault.鈥 Feeling Roman stilling in his arms Logan didn鈥檛 dare to stop. 鈥淭he best you can do in that situation is to make yourself happy, not for their approval鈥 but your own. If they like it, then that鈥檚 perfectly fine. If not鈥︹ Logan gave an awkward shrug that the creative side only clung to harder. 鈥淭hen they can make their own choices, and see just how difficult it is to do. Pleasing everyone all the time is impossible and if you try you鈥檙e still going to end up stepping on someone鈥檚 toes, I鈥檝e learned that the hard way.鈥澛
Plucking up the napkins that they had prepared for the lunch, Logan hastily moved to wipe away Roman鈥檚 tears, trying to be gentle the entire time he did.聽
He鈥檇 thought before that Roman was practically his opposite in the past, but seeing the other side breakdown from all the expectations that had been placed on him without the creative side even knowing鈥 Logan felt a strange kind of understanding with him. The same kind that he鈥檇 gained when he鈥檇 had all the expectations placed on him to make Thomas succeed in school and in college. The kind that had made him want to stop existing in the first place, when Thomas had just up and decided to switch majors and pursue YouTube as a full-time job instead of being a scientist.聽
He knew what Roman was feeling all too well, so with this kind of emotion, he could at least help instead of being a hindrance to everyone around him.
Roman sniffled once again, taking the napkin from Logan so that he could blow his nose, 鈥淟ogan,鈥 He flopped back onto the blanket, looking up at the stars that were just barely beginning to show in the night sky. 鈥淲e should do this more often.鈥 He said, glancing over to the logical side who shot him a concerned and very much confused look.
鈥淐ry about our repressed feelings?鈥澛犅犅
For the first time in a while, a real laugh erupted out of Roman at the sound of Logan鈥檚 genuine confusion and uneasiness about his offer.聽
鈥淣o,鈥 The creative side moved his hand over to the other鈥檚, clenching it softly in his. 鈥淕oing out like this, just the two of us. Maybe once a week or once a month. Just enjoy each other's company, and talk about whatever we want to talk about. Even if we get on each others鈥 nerves sometimes鈥︹ Roman smiled ruefully. 鈥淚 like talking with you, and I like listening to you too.鈥澛
A look of understanding dawned on Logan鈥檚 face, and with it, the logical side finally laid down beside Roman.聽
Their were hands still clutching one anothers鈥.
鈥淚鈥檇 like that Roman,鈥 Logan smiled up at the starry sky that finally became visible to them both. 鈥淚鈥檇 like that a lot.鈥澛犅
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mossandsnalls2 days ago
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Looking into stuff about QPRs is odd, like.. i think one sounds great and i kinda want one but the most common definition is "people who want to commit to living together, maybe getting married, raising kids together, sharing bank accounts" and... i dont want that?? In the end i can only imagine myself living alone, i dont want to get married for any reason, dont want kids... its a weird feeling.
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as someone who is Very Aro can someone please explain romantic love to me without it sounding like something out of a horror novel or dark fantasy. every time ive heard it explained its just like聽鈥渙h youll never want to leave them alone. youll want to touch them constantly. youll never want to be apart.鈥 like聽 w h a t
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