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#A Prayer for Connection in Nature
brightgnosis · 2 years
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Grant me the ability to be alone; may it be my custom to go outdoors each day among the trees and grass - among all growing things and there may I be alone, and enter into prayer, to talk with the One to whom I belong. May I express there everything in my heart, and may all the foliage of the field - all grasses, trees, and plants - awake at my coming, to send the powers of their life into the words of my prayer so that my prayer and speech are made whole through the life and spirit of all growing things, which are made as one by their transcendent Source. May I then pour out the words of my heart before your Presence like water, O Adonai, and lift up my hands to You in worship, on my behalf, and that of my children!
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'Likutei Tefillah 2:11, A Prayer for Connection in Nature' from Rabbi Nachman of Breslov's Torah of Trees; via Alanna Sklover, Sefaria
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fiendishartist2 · 2 months
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guys what if i want to make my own apollo justice game.
#i need to write a prequel to aa4 pls pls pls pls pls#okay get this: so phoenix isnt disbarred yet and he doesnt have trucy. hes still taking and winning cases#one day he gets a call from edgeworth and hes all like ''wright i need your assistance'' and hes like what for and edgeworth goes#''ive been given the most ridiculous case and i think youre the only man in law who can take care of it''#so phoenix bikes his ass to the detention center and boom. child behind bars#and phoenix is like ??? hey kid what are doing here. and this kid is the most surly mfer on the planet like you couldnt get-#-a word out of him if you tried. hes kinda giving phoenix the stink eye too but hes just the littlest guy on earth#and phoenix feels bad for him so he tries to get a rundown of the case (maybe edgeworth gave him an autopsy report or smth beforehand)#but get this. the kid still wont speak. he hasnt even moved a muscle. and after some prodding you find out this little dude-#-doesnt speak english (i dont love aa6 but i think apollos tragic backstory can be interesting so we're going w that but taking it seriousl#anyways so maya is like omg this kid is speaking khurainese but hers is kinda broken bc shes not from the mainland and only knows it-#-from like prayers#so you only get bits and pieces of the kids testimony. plus he still doesnt wanna talk bc ''dhurk told me not to talk to you''#so you start following the new lead but you ask too many questions and apollos like oh shit i said too much and wont talk to you anymore#but now you have two leads: khur'ain and a man named ''dhurk'' plus the fact that this is kid might be new to america since-#-he cant speak english but is smack dab in the middle of california. its all v curious and phoenix wants to get to the bottom of it#for the rest of the case i feel like it would go in the direction of ''we dont know exactly whats up w this dhurk guy or where this kid-#-came from but we do get him acquitted and phoenix is able to save him from the dark path he was heading towards'' thus steering apollo-#-in the direction of law and giving him a wayyyy better reason than aa6 gave him <3#i kind of like the interlinked nature of ace attorney's storytelling. like everything leads into smth else and everyone is impacted-#-by another person before they even become properly entangled w each other's lives#like how mia faced dahlia years before she met phoenix but dahlia was the one to connect them#or how trucy gave phoenix the diary paper but she's also the one who ropes apollo into the waa. even before they know they're siblings#or how lamoire left apollo and trucy as children and when they reunite as adults they cant recognise each other but they all find each-#-other anyways#i could go on but i think this could be cool yknow esp bc i think the most interesting thing about apollo's aa6 backstory is his life-#-post dhurk. like where did he stay? was he a foster kid? was he put into the system? how did that affect him? what kind of ppl took him in#i just wanna know how that whole thing would have effected him bc like when yiu think about it how did he even get to america?? his dad's#-considered a terrorist. idk man i think its interesting and apollo and dhurks interactions are one of the only good parts of aa6
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beautyhealthsworld · 1 month
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EID UL FITIR
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Eid Mubarak! Since it's already April 11th, Eid al-Fitr celebrations might be winding down, but the spirit of joy and togetherness continues. Here's a glimpse into the magic of Eid:
A Time for Reflection and Renewal: Eid follows the holy month of Ramadan, a period of fasting, prayer, and charity. Eid is a day to celebrate the successful completion of Ramadan and a time for self-reflection and renewal. Muslims often seek forgiveness from loved ones and recommit themselves to good deeds.
Feasts and Festivities: Eid is a joyous occasion marked by vibrant decorations and delicious treats. Families and friends gather for elaborate meals featuring special dishes like biryani, kebabs, and sweet delicacies like sheer khurma. The spirit is one of sharing, laughter, and strengthening bonds.
Charity and Giving: Eid is also a time for compassion. Muslims often donate to charity (Zakat al-Fitr) to help those less fortunate. This act of generosity ensures everyone can share in the Eid spirit.
New Beginnings: Eid signifies new beginnings. People dress in their finest attire, often in new clothes, symbolizing a fresh start. Visits to friends and family are exchanged, with heartfelt greetings of "Eid Mubarak!"
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A Celebration of Faith: At its core, Eid is a celebration of faith and community. Muslims come together in mosques for special prayers, expressing gratitude to Allah for his blessings.
Though Eid festivities might be slowing down, the lessons of Ramadan and the joy of Eid carry on. May the peace and blessings of Eid Mubarak stay with you throughout the year!
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magicmorabs · 2 months
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Tipi life….
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lotshusband · 1 year
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dnd paladin character concept: a knight raised alongside a magic user, who loves his friend, considers them family — but the magic user through a twist of fate ascends to godhood, vanishing from normal human life. so the knight swears fealty to the fledgling god so he can have some connection to them even still & the god who loves him dearly in return blesses him with gifts and divine powers as a way to reach back toward him, back toward earth. this paladin’s vows are easy to keep, like second nature… and prayer is both automatic and personal
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jaideepkhanduja · 11 months
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The Importance of Spirituality in My Life: Finding Purpose, Connection, and Well-Being
How important is spirituality in your life? Spirituality is an integral part of the human experience, and for many people, it plays a crucial role in their daily lives. Whether you consider yourself to be religious or not, spirituality can bring a sense of peace, purpose, and fulfillment that is hard to find in other aspects of life. In this article, I will explore the importance of…
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Why I Write: Jenna Wysong Filbrun
Jenna Wysong Filbrun has said that she writes poetry as a form of prayer and to connect with other writers and readers in the search for meaning and truth. In the wake of her new collection, Away, we reached out to her to find out more about her motivations and process. Why do you write? I ask myself that question often, especially after a particularly devastating rejection, or when I’m…
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carmelcoco · 3 months
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moon notes. 🌕
Disclaimer. these observations do not have to resonate with everyone and everything, all expressed in this post is based on personal experience and research.
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☾ aries moon
Aries moons are extremely protective of their romantic partners, possibly due to the difficulty they have in getting along with just anyone. When they find someone they can love, it feels like a miracle to them. Their tired eyes hold many secrets, yet they also invite others to share their own. Aries moons are deeply committed to their beliefs, prioritizing prayer if they believe in God or disregarding criticism if they're into crystals and spirituality. Being misunderstood frustrates them, especially if they have Virgo personal placements. Moon in Aries individuals often experienced a challenging and powerful childhood, shaping their view of home and family as constant challenges. They need to feel comfortable with their partner before starting a family to avoid repeating the same attitude they received from their parents or relatives. Aries moons live in the present, are passionate, and tend to be impatient. They take criticism to heart and become defensive. They crave excitement and can get bored in peaceful environments. Their needs, desires, and crushes are short-lived and sometimes vague.
☾ taurus moon
Individuals with Taurus moons display distinct traits influenced by their emotional development. Those with undeveloped Taurus moons may struggle with giving and receiving affection until adulthood. Conversely, a developed Taurus moon suggests a nurturing childhood marked by stability and material comfort. Taurus moon individuals exude groundedness and stability, attracting attention and commanding respect effortlessly. They uphold high standards, seeking the good in everyone while grappling with occasional indulgence. Despite their serious initial impression, they are actually fun-loving and seek positive energy. Partners may find them challenging to understand due to mood swings, yet they offer deep emotional healing and encourage appreciation for the ordinary. Taurus moons prioritize building secure and cozy environments, cherishing routines and loyalty. Affectionate and sentimental, they value reliability and comfort above all, making them steadfast companions with strong emotional needs.
☾ gemini moon
Gemini moons possess a natural charm and wit, fostering pleasant company with their curiosity about life. Yet, within their comfort zones, a sense of nervousness and restlessness often accompanies them. These individuals thrive on constant mental stimulation, becoming moody when deprived of it. Childhood experiences shape their communication skills, sometimes marked by instances of feeling mocked or uncomfortable, particularly by siblings. In adulthood, they seek partners who value open dialogue and opinion sharing, craving discussions on diverse topics. While they appear approachable, earning their trust to reveal their fun side can be challenging. Gemini moons enjoy sharing their interests, often trying to influence others' preferences. In matters of love, they can be shy yet straightforward and may send risky texts. Despite attracting attention effortlessly, they remain indifferent to others' desires to emulate them, focusing instead on genuine connections and mental engagement.
☾ cancer moon
People with a Cancer moon are very empathetic and in tune with the emotions of others. They are peaceful and seek familiarity, but can become moody. They hold onto old memories and have a forgiving nature, especially with loved ones. Drama is avoided, and they are focused on justice and fairness. Cancer moons are ambitious and career-oriented, valuing hard work. They desire to build a happy family environment, but can be hindered by their tendency to feel deeply and get hurt easily. Letting go is important for finding love and affection. When drunk, they may have the urge to fight or dance with strangers. Sharing is caring, and balance is sought in all aspects of life.
☾ leo moon
Individuals with Leo moons seek attention and love within their inner circle, exhibiting both a craving for admiration and generosity towards loved ones. Creativity and a sense of justice define this placement, alongside a remarkable capacity for forgiveness, even towards those who have wronged them. They may have experienced embarrassment due to past forgiveness, learning the lesson of discernment. Leo moons prioritize self-love affirmations and enjoy disproving others' opinions. Trust issues develop early, leading to a reluctance to share personal secrets. They are non-competitive except in defense of friends, showing jealousy in childhood friendships. Quick to forgive, they use sympathy to mend relationships, disliking prolonged conflicts. While disliking long conversations, they engage enthusiastically in mysterious topics and detective documentaries, demonstrating a thirst for knowledge. Despite a dislike for subjects like math, they persist in pursuing success, reflecting their determined nature.
☾ virgo moon
Virgo moons are known for getting attached to people very quickly. They admire those who work hard for their dreams and love to party. They seek soul ties with people who match their personality and are drawn to confident individuals who appreciate beauty in everyone. Cooking for loved ones is how they show their love, as they likely paid attention to their mom or grandma while cooking as a child. Virgo moons are ambitious and goal-oriented from a young age, but tend to care less about school as they get older. Despite this, they are kind and make even disagreeable statements sound agreeable. Virgo moons are sensitive and experience emotions mentally, which can lead to moodiness. They have a tendency to focus on details and can struggle to see the bigger picture due to early conditioning. It is important for them to be light-hearted with judgments towards family and future family. They find contentment in the little things and prefer simplicity. Virgo moons need to feel useful and thrive on routine, or else they become self-critical. They are trustworthy and reliable.
☾ libra moon
Libra moons are known for their desire for peace and harmony. They are social and sympathetic individuals who like to have the last word in arguments. Although they strive for the best, this focus can sometimes prevent them from enjoying the moment. They are fond of giving compliments and expect the same in return, but their egos are fragile and can be easily crushed. Libra moons are often taken advantage of due to their people-pleasing nature. They are also known for their strong attachment to their mothers. Libra moons may have been obsessed with their appearance during their teenage years, but as they age, they prioritize personality over looks when choosing a partner. However, one negative trait they possess is complaining even when they chose to help someone. Libra moons are indecisive about trivial things but are confident in important situations. If you are a Libra moon, it is important to work on being honest. Overall, talking to a Libra moon can feel like talking to yourself, but with agreement on every point.
☾ scorpio moon
Scorpio moons are the sweetest people. They are attentive, caring and very focused on making sure others feel good. They can get anxious but it's cute. They respect the privacy of others because they want their privacy respected too. Scorpio moons are great at comforting people, even if they feel awkward about physical comfort. They may have family issues and they love alone time. They love watching horror movies and learning from them. Scorpio moons are clever, perceptive and seek intense emotions and experiences. They value strong relationships and commitment. They live by the motto "all or nothing".
☾ sagittarius moon
Individuals with a Sagittarius moon placement exhibit traits of optimism, cheerfulness, and a love for freedom. They dislike routine and prefer spontaneity, which can lead to conflicts with more structured individuals. Despite their impulsiveness, they are trustworthy and forgiving, often giving second chances to those who betray them to avoid confrontation. They possess a genuine interest in other cultures and exhibit respect towards all races without discrimination. While they may avoid seeking advice from others, they are likely to turn to their mothers for guidance. Sagittarius moons thrive in social settings, preferring nature and the company of many friends over isolation. They are attentive listeners, willing to invest time and effort in understanding others, even when tired. Additionally, they have a diverse taste in music, gradually exploring various genres as they mature. Overall, Sagittarius moons embody positivity, openness, and a deep appreciation for diversity and connection.
☾ capricorn moon
Honestly, Capricorn moons have a hard time understanding their emotions and because of this people usually end up thinking that they are detached or emotionally unavailable. I hope they know that it's okay to admit how you truly feel and if they ever try to communicate with anyone please listen to them cuz they are trying hard. They always seem to need advice in relationships, even for small issues. They romanticize a perfect relationship and search for advice to make it a reality. They tend to force themselves to feel numb about the things that hurt them the most. All this happens because they are unable to understand their emotions and it takes them time to do so. They don't like ranting, but when they do, they pour their hearts out then act like they didn't. They're sensitive individuals who want to be understood, despite some people talking harshly about their detached emotions. Capricorn moons usually have a problematic relationship with their parents and may have experienced abuse growing up. They're reliable and levelheaded people who are well-organized and realistic. Tradition, authority, and security are highly regarded, and they are no risk-takers.
☾ aquarius moon
Aquarius moons are known for their observant nature and love analyzing other people's actions. They tend to feel like they don't fit in with their peers and value independence and individuality. These rebellious individuals don't take criticism well and take pride in their thoughts. Aquarius moons have a lot on their mind and are often thought of as stoners because they find themselves lost in thought often. They may make sex their love language because they want to please others and themselves. These people tend to enjoy aggressive music and may judge others for not liking the same artists as them. Aquarius moons have a great sense of humor and are always interesting to talk to. They tend to get lost in their thoughts and may zone out while telling their life story. Overall, these people are never boring and always leave an impression.
☾ pisces moon
Honestly, I could go on for pages about Pisces moons. They're the family member who knows everything and wants to come off as lovely to strangers. They avoid confrontation and might disagree with something just to be left alone. Pisces moons want to feel spoiled and financially stable. They either think about money, sex, or how depressed they are. They're also prone to falling for fictional characters or celebrities. If a Pisces moon is dating a Virgo sun, it feels like paradise, but they might not admit it. Pisces moons are hardworking to the point of forgetting to eat and might have trouble with spicy food. They romanticize toxicity and have remarkable intuition. They can get lost in the suffering of others and are known for their odd sense of humor.
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this post was created by @carmelcoco on tumblr <3 if reposting my work please give credits.
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funeralsgrey · 2 months
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SUDDEN DESIRE.
about: all zuko had to do was capture you, interrogate you, and let you go. so why does he relish being the reason behind your begs and prayers? (a bit of dark!zuko)
a/n: wrote this with natla!zuko in mind. zuko is meant to have the same age as dallas (22). this is also a little blurb to practice my zuko writing skills.
MDNI 18+ CONTENT AHEAD.
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It wasn’t meant to end up like this. 
Zuko has been ordered to hunt down one of the earthbenders that were helping the Avatar and his stupid friends escape. He had to fight to get his honor back, and getting hold of an unimportant earth-bending girl was meant to be easy, right?
Well, it fucking wasn’t. 
Everything was easy at first, he managed to catch you while you were trying to run away from him and your bending wasn’t good enough to fight against him. He made the guards handcuff you and throw you into a cell for treason against your nature—treason against your superiors. How dare you try and betray the Fire Nation? 
Your alliance with the Avatar was unnatural, that kid didn’t deserve an earthbender like you on his pathetic little team. It’s not like you were an amazing earthbender or had the same abilities as Toph to metal bend, but fuck did you have good stamina and a beautiful face whenever you panted and were sweating.
The view under him was the biggest proof of that.
It had been two weeks of this routine. Zuko would allegedly interrogate you, and you’d play dumb by acting as if you had no idea the avatar was back and stronger than ever. 
The only way to get you to stop playing dumb was by fucking you dumb. And you seemed eager every time Zuko walked into your guarded quarters to ask you questions while he kissed all over your body and pounded into you without any kind of restraint. 
Zuko’s lips left behind a trail of fire on your neck. The flames danced on your skin and entangled themselves with the heat you felt in between your legs as you let out a small gasp. He wasn’t a firebender for nothing. 
He kept thrusting his cock into you as he stared into your eyes. The wet sounds coming from the connection of your pussy and his member were the only sounds that could be heard inside your quarters, apart from the small moans and whimpers you’d let out. Your beautiful sounds were always met with hushes from the exiled prince. 
“You don’t want them to know that the Avatar’s precious friend is getting fucked by a Fire Nation prince, right baby?” He’d whisper before connecting his lips to yours. 
All you could do was nod your pathetic little head and arch your back as the exiled prince hit the spongy spot inside you. “Right, Zuko.” 
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undeadmagick · 15 days
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Broke Boy Guide to Altar Offerings
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Hey! Are you broke but still wanna offer something up to the gods? Don't worry! (So am i) So here's a guide of things that are either free, low cost or that you probably already own to slap onto those altars. Mind you: These are mainly modern offerings that I attribute to these different classification of gods. I'll likely update as time goes on with other classifications :)
General Offerings to Deities:
random flowers from outside
random sticks from outside
hand written letters/prayers
plushies of the animals they're connected to
raw/cooked meats as "sacrifices"
drawn symbols
Art/Creative Deities:
symbol painted bottle caps
pens/pencils/markers
old sketchbooks
stickers/prints
origami
comic books
figurines
Death Deities:
bones or meat from your meals
dirt from a dead plant
dying flowers
skull imagery
coins or other gifts for those passing
photo/belongings of your late loved ones
Familial/Household/Protector of Children Deities:
photobooth photos
jewelry gifted from family
baby teeth from your children
breast milk
old baby shoes
framed photo of family
cookies/bread
homecooked meals
Fire Deities:
birthday candles
charcoal discs
burnt herbs
alcohol
incense
tobacco
matchbox/lighter
Healing Deities:
your current medications
bandaids
water
skincare
vitamin gummies
spell jar in an empty pill bottle
Knowledge/Wisdom Deities:
old books & textbooks
pens/pencils
mini chess pieces
written down philosophical quotes
good test scores/report cards/degrees
Love/Lust Deities:
origami 3D hearts
chapsticks
unused makeup
love letters to deities
love letters about S/O or crush
current perfume/cologne
current lotions
apples
Nature Deities:
plants dedicated to them
herbal tea packets
feathers
milk
fruits/vegetables
spells using recycled materials (toilet paper rolls, etc.)
bread
acorns
Sea Deities:
beach sand
shells
sea water
tiny sea animal figurines
shared fish dinners
makeshift spell jar using a shell
Trickster Deities:
laffy taffy joke wrappers
cards against humanity packs
other comedy card games
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brightgnosis · 22 days
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Sat outside on the back deck on my own for a bit after dinner tonight and got to see such a beautiful sight.
It's been really cloudy all day but the rain's been sparse. While I was sitting out there, though, I got to watch the skies open up, and the rain approach. It was so heavy for a second that I couldn't even see the pool from where I was sitting. Then just like that- maybe 3 seconds total, maybe 5- the whole thing was over; the rain stopped, just like that, and the cloud moved on.
I remember being a child and seeing that happen for the first time ever; my dad was in the driveway at our trailer, and I was on the porch looking out at him. The big trees along the fenceline hadn't quite grown in so thickly yet, so we could still look out over the farmer's field next to us. And all of a sudden I just heard this cacophony out in the distance across the field, and I look out to just see this wall form. It terrified me. I had no idea what it was as it came racing towards me. I'd never seen rain start before!
I don't get to see it happen often, but it's always so special whenever I do. I don't know why.
🕯️“ Blessed are you, Adonai, Master of the Universe, who opens the Heavens and causes the rain to fall, and nourishes the land. Amein. „🕯️
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kneelingshadowsalome · 6 months
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Christian Woman
(König x Nun!Reader)
Word count: 6.4 k Tags/warnings: Pining intensifies, religious despair intensifies, minor injuries, treatment of wounds, crying, enthusiastic kissing, König gets a few boners. 18+ for eventual smut in this story.
A/N: Don't tell me you wouldn't get horny scared too if you saw this tall guy suddenly emerging from the shadows in his full war gear :) There's a cute date night and a lot of angst in this chapter too, I tried to summon an actual plot here... As always, I need to explain why they’re bonking! But smut is coming, next and last chapter will be full of fluff and steamy first times (Reader is virgin!)
Part 2
You have a feeling that this is the last day you’ll see him.
The stranger from the Austrian Alps, the kindest mercenary you’ve ever met – the only mercenary you’ve ever met – the giant soldier who now carries a piece of your heart with him. You wonder if he even knows he owns it.
The morning prayers and mass are a chore and bring you no comfort, and the usual dawn bliss is gone. You find no delight in singing with your sisters, and withdrawing to your cell for solitary prayer feels like stepping back inside your own personal purgatory. 
You’ve been in heaven and in hell for days now. Maybe since the moment you met him...
But at the same time, you know it must’ve been the Lord who brought you together. There must be a reason for God to make you two meet, you refuse to think it’s only because He wishes to tempt you. There must be a bigger plan; the connection, as sinful and carnal as it is, has to serve some higher purpose.
And you wonder if you’re going mad, because your most sinful thought is that you actually see God in him. It’s just your lower instincts speaking, a demon of some sort that tries to misguide you because no man is like Lord Jesus. 
And yet, don’t they always preach that you meet Him in every person you meet? And that through you, other people meet God too…? 
This reasoning feels much better. It solidifies the mercy you’ve longed for during the brief weeks you’ve known this man who brashly calls himself König. You want to believe that he carries a spark of the Divine in him, and that you hold a grain of the Virgin Mary’s compassion and love in you. 
You decide to hold on to this thought: that you were meant to meet so that you could come to know God through each other. For in König, you see a suffering God, a crucified Christ who rises against evil by offering himself to the cruelty of men. Somehow, the image of him as a mortal man starts to twist into a divine, dark trooper, someone who battles the forces of the evil in this world.
And this reasoning leads you to think that it is only natural that you, a Sister of the Faith, have helped him find some rest and relief in the middle of his work. It’s pretty clear that König has found some solace in your company, and even if things have ventured into a forbidden area of low, simple lust, it’s not dark enough to taint the beauty and grace you've felt together. As long as you hold on to this purity, nothing can go wrong.
While praying for both of you that morning, you find yourself replaying the smiles and touches König has given you these past weeks. You know you will drown yourself in memories after he's gone because they are all you’ll ever have of him.
And they're more than enough.
Or at least they should be…
You feel a tiny dagger of guilt push into your heart, the place reserved for Christ, when you’re assigned to do some spiritual reading instead of helping out in the kitchen or organizing the small library. The appointed texts are about falling into temptation and sin, reminding you about the consequences of such actions. You read the passings with a heavy heart and then slip out to meet König, possibly for the last time.
You wear your everyday clothes to the café, and König says nothing about your sudden moral choice, only gives you another longing, enamored once-over. You keep him at arm’s length, both physically and emotionally, and the effects of this unexpected cold shower are immediate. The man doesn’t even try to disguise the sad, puppy-eyed stares he shoots your way. 
You hate it that the bright, playful air of your meetings is gone, and your heart is tearing itself apart in your chest because the only thing you wanted was to spread joy into his world. Even the Lord seems disappointed in you being so cold-hearted, and you can’t bear to see His sadness and suffering in König’s eyes.
You get offered not one, but two coffees today, and a large piece of dark chocolate cake that tastes of pure sin. He talks about how he would love to write to you, but you tell him you can’t be in correspondence with a man who isn’t your brother or father. König isn’t even married, so it would only raise questions – you would find yourself reading spiritual texts about lust and sin until it drives you crazy.
“I’m leaving early tomorrow,” he finally reveals with a voice thick with sorrow. “Can I see you before I go...? One last time?”
“I’d love to, but… I’m sort of being watched,” you say, slowly coming out of your shell to make it clear that you’d want to spend the rest of your life with him, but you simply just can’t.
Your weak, apologetic look is like a dose of confidence shot through his veins because the face opposite of you brightens immediately. König’s whole posture gets a hopeful uplift.
“Just for a little walk...? To see what the city looks like in the evening?”
“I don’t know if I can make it… I have to work until six... And attend the evening prayer at seven. And then silence starts at eight…” 
You’re wringing your hands under the table while you explain, hoping König will come up with a solution to this dilemma.
“We can go for a walk after silence, then,” he shrugs.
“I–I can’t just escape from the window.”
“...Why not?”
You look at König; he looks straight back.
The man’s serious about you sneaking out your window at night; he’s actually serious, even if there’s a dark, playful smile rising on his lips. 
“I can help,” he grins.
Your heart cracks open, it shoots full of light only more and more with that smile. König doesn’t need to ram a door down and shoot his way through your chest; all he has to do is sneak inside your heart and take the place that belongs to God. You don’t even feel the difference as he makes himself at home. 
Well, actually, you do... It’s like your Christ’s love and mercy have finally come to flesh and blood before you. They're materialized in the man sitting opposite of you, bouncing his knee excitedly and grinning like the most innocent little devil on Earth.
You find yourself whispering “Ok”, and the whole world shifts. 
You take a step towards something forbidden but great, your whole heart starts to sing along with life. You haven’t even done the actual thing yet but you’re already filled with bubbling laughter and excitement. If only your friend could see you now, about to do things she probably did when she was fifteen...
But everything feels so right that it can’t be a sin – if it is, it just so happens to be the most natural, most divine thing to do too.
If this is the last day you’ll ever see him, you can surely steal a tiny moment for yourself and forget about rights and wrongs for a moment. Just forget about the rules, and live in the actual world for a few hours, breathe the worldly air, see what normal people do and pretend you’re one of them, for just one night. 
You feel like Cinderella when picking clothes for the evening.
You rummage through the only closet in your room – during the time that should be spent in silent prayer before bed – and notice you still have your old jeans.
They’re light blue and still fit; actually, they fit more than well... You know that König’s eyes will be glued to your butt when you’re not looking.
You have completely forgotten how nice you look in jeans, and it’s the Devil talking, making you admire yourself in tight denim like this. You never cared about how you look before; you certainly never gave much thought to how men see you or if they’re checking out your butt or breasts. Now you’re grooming yourself like never before, trying to decide what to do with your hair as if your life depended on it.
You choose a simple, black t-shirt to pair with the jeans and not make it too obvious that you’re trying to flaunt yourself. It hugs your form but is otherwise plain, and for some people, your choice of clothing is probably their regular work outfit. To you, it feels like you’re about to go out to seduce everyone.
Everything’s so tight and earthly; everything’s so… there. Visible... Touchable.
Lord, have mercy on me. I know I’m weak. But please let me have this, just this once…
And König has seen you without makeup all this time, so what on earth has possessed you to lament the fact that you don’t own a single case of lipstick? You’d kill for a few sweeps of mascara, too, just to bat your lashes at a silly man.
It’s not a date, you remind yourself.
It’s not a date... It’s not a date. You’re just going to have a short walk with him.
And you fear that accepting König’s “help” was a mistake. If you get caught with a man on the convent perimeter, you’ll get your ass thoroughly whooped…
Can a man of his size even keep quiet?
He probably suggested it so that you wouldn’t chicken out of this. If König is at your window by 8 and there’s no sign of you, he’ll probably just come in, throw you on his shoulder and jump out. He knows where your window is located now, and surely has some questionable skills due to his profession, skills you know nothing about, but you’re still about to have a panic attack from pure excitement when the clock strikes 8. 
You push the window ajar and settle on the sill to keep watch, gasping when you hear his familiar accent down below as soon as the window is open.
“Kätzchen...”
“König…?”
You peek down and meet his stupid, grinning face – God, he’s so happy to see you kept your promise. His eyes are shining, his fingers interlock to help you have something to place your foot on. 
“Here, kitty, kitty…”
You could easily jump out the window without hurting yourself, but of course he wants to help you since you were so kind to tell him where he could come and "pick you up".
But to see that playful smile and hear him trying to coax you out like you’re some skittish little kitten…
Could a grown man get any more silly?
You wiggle yourself out the window, trying to ignore the fact that he’s probably staring at your butt, still grinning like crazy while you do it. 
SupportING your entire weight like it’s no trouble at all, he helps you down. You’ve never been this close to him since you bumped into him: you have to take support from his shoulders as you search for a footing, and he scoops you in his arms the minute both your feet are safely on the ground.
“I knew you’d come,” he purrs with joy, and you place your hands on his chest – not to keep him at bay, but to touch him in a way that is as appropriate as possible when a man is hugging you like this.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” you whisper, still unsure if this is the best or the worst decision of your entire life.
“Kitty… Live a little, hmm?”
You have to crane your neck to look up at him – you’re not sure if you’re in the embrace of Jesus or Lucifer because the warmth of those eyes compare to the love of God, but they also make you weak and helpless. Whenever you’re with your sisters, the feeling is pure, pristine love, not a surge of complex emotions and thrill like it is with König.
“You’re a bad influence,” you breathe – König only laughs, and the grip around you tightens. 
“My lady. You’re the one who climbed out the window.”
“Because someone would’ve probably thrown small rocks on it if I hadn’t…!”
“Natürlich. And if that didn’t work… A serenade or two. Do you like love songs?” 
You look down at his chest, smiling, heart fluttering at the thought of a silly Austrian man serenading under your window. You have no trouble imagining him singing something syrupy in German, waking everyone up with his racket.
“You’re crazy, did you know that...?” 
“Sure. They tell me that all the time at work. Aber du… Du bist süss.” 
“...What’s that?” 
His smile only widens as he takes in your lips, your neck, the tight shirt that finally gives him something more to look at.
“You’re cute.”
The whole evening is heavenly. 
It’s everything you’ve ever wanted from a date and more.
He doesn’t take you for a short walk, oh no. He takes you out to eat, at some lively restaurant where they serve delicious, artisan, wood-fired pizzas. You have créme brûlée for dessert, and König gives you his strawberries when he notices you eat them first, but only on one condition: you have to let him feed them to you one by one. 
He buys you a rose: a big, red, plump one. No man has ever bought you flowers before, and even if you love lush, abundant bouquets, the fact that he chose you a single red rose after you’ve spoken about the beauty of simplicity, doesn't escape you.
König hasn’t only listened to you these past few weeks: he gets you. And how symbolic is it that he chose a rose that’s also tied to all the mysteries of God?
You walk the streets with a flower in one hand and his palm in the other. It's a holy trinity of him and you and the Great Mystery, it’s passion and it’s thorns, it’s blood and beauty and pain, and you feel like he just gets you; he knows you through and through. 
You pass by an outdoor bar with live music, and the place is so crowded that people are dancing on the streets. No cars honk as they slowly pass by the scene, the music and the laughing, dancing pairs make even the grumpiest passersby smile.
It shouldn’t be a surprise that König pulls you to him before you get to escape the scene. You’re drawn flush against his chest, hips colliding with his, hands finding each other in a slow sway that has never even seen the steps of Latin dances.
“Nuns are allowed to dance, no?” 
He smiles dreamily, enveloped in the same sweet haze as you.
“Not with a man,” you correct, but don’t even bother to push him away. Instead, you let König guide his hand down your waist and draw you closer. If this isn't a date, you don't know what is...
“I can take the blame,” he says. “You can tell everybody it was me.”
“It doesn’t work that way,” you laugh. 
“Why not?” 
His eyes are glued to yours, making you warm all over, so much so that you feel like you’re burning from the neck up. You guide your stare down to his chest, then over to the quick heartbeat on his neck.
He's nervous, too... Your cruel soldier is nervous, and kind, and shy because he's pressed against you.
You rest your head there on his chest, watching the golden sunset far away, painting the rooftops with a genial glow. Your heart is made of molten gold, too, as you allow yourself find a home in his embrace.
“I can take your sins,” he promises above you. “Jesus did that too, right?”
“You’re not Jesus,” you smile against his shirt – black, always black...
“Are you sure? I would go to hell for you.”
Your dance comes to a halt as you swallow and lift your gaze. The smiles are gone now, both yours and his. He’s so close now he could touch your lips with his if he wanted to.
And he does want to.
You don’t shy away as he leans down to kiss you. It’s chaste at first, a slow exploration, but then he opens your mouth with his, demanding, hot, intoxicating. You melt in his arms, and he somehow supports you through it all, turning the dance into an embrace and the decent little kiss into a full French one.
It’s hot and wet and slow, so, so passionate that your knees are about to give in. You devour him back, feel how he grows hard against your stomach – the swelling erection makes you dizzy before you come to your senses, but only barely.
You break away an inch, panting into his mouth while he’s panting into yours. What a blessing that you don’t own any lipstick; both of your lips are red without it…
“This is–”
“Inappropriate?”
His voice is husky, and sends a flood of wetness down between your legs. Your heart is racing, but you can’t even note how terribly alive you are before he attacks your lips again.
The kiss is even more desperate than the first one, and the slow urgency is gone. His mouth leaves you without air, and then – he wraps his arms around you and picks you up from the ground like you weigh nothing. Your hands get squished somewhere between you, naturally coming to cup his face as you kiss him back. 
It’s eager, pure lust, so powerful and needy that it scorches through your chest and ties your heartstrings into tight little knots, makes your brows knit together, too.
He grunts into your mouth, sensing you’re more than up for this after all. You let him see the full depth of your hunger and your lust, just waiting to be released and taken – made love to until you’re both sore and messy and limp.
God… This is better than God…
You hear whistles and whoos in the distance, some men yelling, “Let’s go!” and “Get a room” while they pass by. Realizing you’ve fallen into a dream trap of strong arms and needy lips about to depart tomorrow, you know it's something you could have had years ago, perhaps, but not anymore. You'll lose everything if you break your vows tonight: basically, you’ve already broken them, but no permanent damage has been done.
You can still turn back if you turn back now…
You push yourself away, push him away, heart clenching when you see his adoring, love-drunk, half-lidded stare.
“I’m sorry,” you whisper, fighting back tears as you come down from your high. “I just–I can’t…”
He breathes labouriously, still clutching you against him, holding you in the air like you’re the thing he has searched for his entire life and now, finally discovered… Only to be told that he now has to put it back where he found it. 
You’re crying by the time he sets you down, and you have no heart or will to pull away. Instead, you bury your face in his chest and cry your fill in his shirt. It’s soon damp from your tears as König hugs and supports you through his own stoic heartbreak.
“I’m sorry... I’m sorry…”
You repeat it until you can’t repeat it anymore, bawling in his chest while the world around you continues to spin despite your heaven and hell, despite your vows, despite your stupid devotion. The world revolves like it always has, as you choose a crucified man over the one who’s flesh and blood and holds you through your pain.
“Kätzchen, don’t cry,” he pets your hair while you sniffle and tremble in his embrace. You know this is not the last time you will cry your heart out over him, but knowing it doesn't help you when he offers you his last, bittersweet comfort.
“It was a good dream while it lasted...”
The rose withers in your cell.
You turn it upside down and tie it to the curtain rod to prevent it from dropping its petals. It dries beautifully and keeps its bloodred colour, now reminding you of both Jesus and him. 
There hasn’t been a word from König in months, and of course there hasn’t. You denied his wish to write you, and the dried rose is the only thing left of your time with him. 
In the first weeks, it’s hard to keep up a charade. You show up to prayer, work and mass with red eyes, revealing to everyone that you’re going through a loss of some sort. Somewhere during the first week, the abbess summons you to meet her and you brace yourself for a scolding.
God knows you don’t need the rebuke, and when you close the door and turn to face the symbolic mother of the convent, you end up breaking into tears right in front of her.
“Whatever you were up to, my child, I am glad that it is over now,” she says with all the gentleness of the world. 
“Me too,” your voice breaks, and when the abbess extends her hands, you go to her, fall to your knees, and have another heartwrenching cry with your face in her lap.
You’ve denied yourself love and mercy for days, expecting to be expelled or shamed or ridiculed, but mercy is what you’re offered now, even after you’ve sinned.
The abbess caresses your hair just as softly as König did just days ago, and the fact that her kind gesture reminds you of some silly, infatuated soldier, only makes the breakdown worse. You bawl like a little child who’s deprived of candy, and you don’t even have the strength to berate yourself for it.
“I hope you haven’t done anything irredeemable...?” 
“No... Nothing happened,” you sob and look out of the rose window, desperate for sun while your head rests on a gentle but distant lap. 
Nothing happened except the most sinful, beautiful, lustful kiss of your life... Nothing happened except that you saw this man every time you could, held hands with him, swam in his smiles and affection, and went to bed with thoughts inappropriate for any human being. 
“The world tests us in many ways... But Lord never tests us. He only loves us.”
Something in that sentence finally quenches the neverending flow of tears. Your muscles start to relax, and you remember that this is the eternal truth: to surrender, over and over again, to a power far greater than you. 
The abbess never asks for details about what you have done. She never tells you you have sinned; you don’t need to be told that. The punishment has been dealt already: whoever ties herself to this world and its temptations will suffer exactly like this when the passion and excitement ends. The key to escaping its grip is to simply let go first, once and for all, surrender to the love of God, and trust that everything fill fall into place eventually.
“You must offer your mind and body to work now,” the motherly voice speaks above you. “Work, time and prayer will ease your pain.”
Work, time and prayer do ease the pain. 
They ease all pains, but it takes almost six months to stop thinking about him every hour of every day.
You’re proud of yourself when you find out one day that you haven’t thought about him at all. He just now crossed your mind when you remember how he used to smell: of salty seabreeze mixed with intoxicating musk, the scent of excitement and safety all in one. 
You could almost swear you catch a whiff of that particular scent in the yard when you go and water the flowers one evening, but it can’t be: he’s gone, and there’s nothing you can do about it, nothing you even want to do about it because you already made your choice. This path leads you to greater peace of mind in the long run, and you know you made the right decision even if it hurt you and König.
Sunsets still remind you of him, the colour of rose and gold mixed with endings, but the memories are now laced with bittersweet love rather than blunt despair and pain. The times you spent with him are a collection of brief, blissful moments, and you treasure every single one of them in your heart. You still pray for him, not every day, but nearly every day. You touch the rose when the hurt reaches its peak, but the last time you did that was almost a week ago.
And you thought you had forgotten his scent, but apparently, you have not. In fact, it seems to drift to your nose again, which is odd because you’re outside, after all…
“Kätzchen.” 
A whisper is hissed from the shadows just as you’re about to straighten and investigate, because either you’re going crazy or then there’s someone here who smells exactly like him.
You startle and almost drop the watering can, staring straight into the shadows under your window. The tallest man you’ve ever seen steps out from the dark in full combat gear, and while you can’t see his face because it’s covered with a draping black hood, you recognize it’s him simply from the way he moves. 
“Don’t be afraid. It’s me,” he rasps and tries to straighten from the slightly hunched position he’s in, but immediately falls back, then slants to lean on the wall. His gear is dirty, and he holds the side of his stomach with one hand, the lively blue eyes either drunk or very very tired.
“Dear God… What happened to you?”
You abandon the watering can and rush to him; it’s useless to ask if he’s injured when, clearly, he’s trying to prevent himself from slumping to the ground. 
He’s enormous and intimidating even when wounded, a soldier loaded with ammo and weapons and protective paddings and guards, wearing a hood and a helmet and a radio of some sort, his tactical gloves bloody and eyes droopy. The weapon by his side is almost half as tall as you, and God – is that a grenade strapped to his vest?
“I got compromised,” König looks down at the wound but doesn’t remove his hand. He looks so different, like another man entirely when he’s not dressed in his customary olive green pants and a casual black t-shirt. He seems even buffier now, even taller, so terrifying that you wonder if you ever even knew this man.
You must look like a frightened deer because König mistakes your horrified look as sweet, simple concern.
“Don’t worry... They have it much worse, I assure you,” he says with his usual grin – you can hear it from the way he says it that he’s smiling. But it’s so weary now, so exhausted and frail compared to his confident, playful laughs and that husky voice with which he spoke to you after your kiss.
“I came to ask for help,” he continues under his breath, wobbling even when leaning against a wall. “You’re the only one I can… trust.”
“Of course, anything. I will do anything I can.”
His eyes smile down at you from behind the executioner’s veil. It’s that same devoted stare you’ve been trying to dispel for months now. You give yourself a quick mental shake, then tell him to wait here while you go in and call for an ambulance. 
König bounces off the wall and seizes your hand, telling you he can’t go to a hospital and that, if anything, he must avoid any kind of public places. You don’t ask any further questions, even if you know you’re in a pickle now, and not only because those glacial eyes are making your knees weak again. There’s nothing much you can do: he’s wounded and still in danger, saying he can’t trust anyone else. Of course you have to help him in any way you can. If he says it’s not safe, then you must help him get somewhere where it is safe. 
And besides, aren’t you a nun? You’re supposed to help those in need. 
So when he asks you if there are any motels or a bed & breakfast nearby, you say you know just the place. 
It makes your heart bleed that König takes support from you while you slowly make your way down the street. A man of his size, a body trained to withstand whatever his job throws at him, seeking support from a frail little nun… It’s a joke, indeed, and a horrid one. 
When you get to the small place run by a humble old man, you don’t know who to feel more sorry for: the elder behind the counter or König, desperately trying to stay on his feet.
“I mean no trouble,” he says while pushing an unnerving amount of money across the table. “I just need a place to rest.”
The receptionist’s eyes dart to you, then back to König, who still has what you suppose is a loaded rifle dangling by his waist. The safety is on, probably, but there are also knives and grenades strapped to his person, and with that hood, he mainly looks like a terrorist of some sort.
“She’s here to help. See...? Bride of Christ. Even less trouble than I am.” 
You try to smile reassuringly as the man risks a better look at you now instead of being fixated on König or his weapons.
You must make an odd pair, a soldier and a nun... The old man probably has a ton of questions in his head right now.
“No shooting,” he says to you, but his words are directed at König.
“No shooting,” he promises. “No mess if no one knows we’re here. Ok...? You’ve never even seen us.”
The receptionist nods. Then he extends a trembling hand and takes the money, and hands out a key without taking any check-in information.
You go to König and help him up the small stairs and into his room paid with bloody money and a menacing appearance. The fitted carpet is old, and floral patterned, the room small and adorable and meant for visitors far more petite than König. The bedspread is old-fashioned and floral too and has never even seen blood, of that you are sure when König lays himself down with a grunt. 
You spend the next minutes – or hours, you can’t tell – in a tunnel-visioned fog as you do exactly as he says.
You help him out of his gear and weapons and lay them aside quickly but gently, you cut his shirt with an ugly-looking knife, then get a watered towel for him to press against the wound. You rush back to his tactical vest and search for a first aid kit and some medicine, and start to treat his wounds per his advice.
The sun sets in the window, and you patch up your injured soldier with care, trusting his word when he says it’s only a flesh wound and that it looks far worse than it is.
“I should get shot more often,” he purrs when you’re cleaning the rest of the blood off his skin.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” you scold, trying to focus on your task and not the vast plates that make his chest. Or the thick abs, right there under your fingertips… Or the fact that he has incredibly narrow hips, and a luscious breath of dark hair leading from his navel down and underneath the waistband of his pants. 
You suppose this is what your friend calls a happy trail...
And it does make you very happy.
You don’t dare to look beyond that because the pants he usually wears aren’t as tight as these, and you fear he’ll catch you checking out his junk in an attempt to see if your friend was correct about his size. 
To your blessing – or your curse – you don’t even have to look straight at it to see he’s having an erection. You can actually see from the corner of your eye how König grows hard while you’re treating him – it’s right there, a robust tent that rises beside you while you concentrate on wiping off the blood. 
“Pay no mind to that,” he says thickly and completely without shame. “It just happens… Can’t control it.”
He breathes a bit too heavy for someone who’s lying down, and you fear it’s because of the blood loss. But then you start to suspect it’s probably because all the remaining blood has gone between his legs… He doesn’t even try to tone down the heated, obsessive stares he shoots your way, and you suppose he’s either missed you very much, or then there’s a fever rising after all. You’re not sure if you’re glad or disappointed that the bullet didn’t scrape his leg instead.
“I missed you,” he says like he just read your thoughts. He whispers the sentence slowly and with purpose, saying it like a long-withheld secret.
“I missed you too,” you whisper back. 
Gosh… Here you are, a silly little nun who’s tried to get over a crush for six months, crying after him at night and caressing his rose during the day. You’ve been petting a withering flower some mercenary gave you in hopes of getting into your pants, you’ve fawned over memories of a few smiles and a kiss, all the while the said mercenary has killed people for money and now got shot. He came here to work again, but never sent a message, he only came to see you when he was injured… 
...And you’re glad he did. If a bullet was needed to bring him back to you, then you’re grateful for it, no matter how horrible it is.
“Did you ever… find someone?” You ask while keeping your gaze fixed on his navel instead of the raging bulge in his pants.
“Someone, who?”
“Someone to hold hands with.”
He gives a strained laugh. “Ah. No. No time for that.”
You swallow, and slowly guide your eyes to his.
“Are you still happy with your crucified man?”
Ouch.
“I… I don’t know.”
His brows knit together; you can see it even in the dim light of the table lamp, you can see it even if there’s some godforsaken black war paint all over his face under that hood.
There’s a distant hurt in his eyes before he blinks softly, slowly.
“I wrote to you, Braut Christi... Many times. Never sent the letters… They’re still in my room, at the base.”
Your heart skips a beat. 
He hasn’t had “time” for women, yet has written you letters all these months. He’s written letters while you’ve caressed a rose…. 
You wonder if hearts can find each other, even through a distance, and if you’ve felt the urge to go to the flower he gave you at the same time König has gotten the desire to write another letter to you. It’s bittersweet, like this whole thing between you two, the mystery that both brings you together and rips you apart. 
“I wish I hadn’t… I wish I...” you start, but can’t bring yourself to finish.
“Liebling. I should’ve sent them anyway.”
You go get rid of the bloodied paper towels before you start to cry in front of him.
God… You’re not only in a pickle, you’re neck-deep in trouble, and you only notice you forgot to wash your hands when you return to him.
He reaches for your hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. Peace settles in, even if there’s blood on your hands and the man you adore is lying next to you, patched up with the help of a first aid kit when he should be lying in a hospital, receiving treatment and care.
There’s a knife and a pistol tucked under the bedspread, next to his hand, and the fact that he’s still prepared to fight anyone who tries to come through that door underlines the fact that you two come from very different worlds. König is more than just a rose buying, coffee offering gentleman, he's more than just a silly guy who threatens to sing serenades under your window if you don’t come out to play with him.
You’re not sure if you’re more enamoured or scared.
“You’re an angel,” he rasps from the bed as you try to swallow the tears that refuse to go down.
“No I’m not.” 
“Yes, you are.”
A teardrop falls on the innocent floral bedspread as you wish you were in this room as a married couple instead of an injured, horny soldier and a childish nun in love. Spending your honeymoon or something, getting some rest after an eventful day in town, choosing this absurd old Bed & Breakfast as your place to stay for the night.
You wish you were doing anything else than treating his wounds, lethal or not.
“Are you crying?”
His voice is gentler than you even remembered. Six months of despair have turned him into a dark, alluring trickster when he’s really just a man, a big, amazing, tender man who’s multifaceted, multitalented, and always kind.
He's about to fall asleep, and it’s no wonder. The events of the evening have left you drained, too. You kneel beside his bed, too tired to even sit on a chair, wondering if he’ll die from his wounds tonight or get hunted down by the people who still want him dead. 
“I wish you would stop killing people... I wish you would stop getting killed.” 
You must look silly, kneeling beside a giant soldier’s bed, crying and holding his hand between yours as if praying. But his eyes smile at you, and while you’d want nothing more than to see his face again, you realise you kind of like König this way. Masked and menacing and mean to his enemies, but stripped down to his soul when he’s with you.
“I wish you would stop praying... And start living,” he mutters gently.
“Praying helps sometimes,” you whisper.
In truth, you wish you’d start living, too. You always thought you were brave when you said ‘no’ to the world. Perhaps you were only running away from it…
The hand is warm but not feverish. His breaths start to even, and his lids get heavier; his thumb gives you a small caress before he drifts off to sleep.
“Perhaps that’s why I’m still here, Kätzchen.”
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anathemaspeaks · 6 days
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whatever she wants
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gojo satoru is the man who gets you whatever you want. another lip gloss? he'll give you five. a new purse? you've got it. you're hungry? best believe he's already placed an order for your favorite food and drinks.
you were his god, he would worship you all day long if you let him. he spoiled you rotten.
so naturally, he's the same in the bedroom too.
he's thrusting into you slowly, teasingly, dragging in and out his massive cock from your drenched, already overstimulated pussy. he rubs his fat, pink, flushed cockhead against your folds, tantalizingly, just short of giving you what you need.
"s'pretty for me, look at you, fuck" he coos at you, hands running all over your body, lips ghosting yours, his eyes drinking in the sight of you, so worn out, hickeys covering your neck and tits. pride swelled in his chest as he admired his work.
and my, you were a vision.
tits bouncing with every thrust, eyes clouded and teary from how good he was making you feel, so very drunk on his massive dick, hair tousled and legs spread out all for him. his name on your mouth like a prayer, broken cries of "'toru please, need more, need you closer"
and oh, he could stay like this forever.
you underneath him, hopelessly at his mercy, for the fifth time that night.
of course he gives you what you want. how could he not?
he snaps his hips suddenly, bottoming out in you with one sharp thrust and shit, he loses all the remnants of his self restraint. he lets out a heady groan, eyes rolling into the back of his head, bottom lip caught between his teeth.
"f-fuck, such a good girl, my good girl, hmm? all mine" he let out in between breaths, the feeling of your pussy swallowing him whole making him delirious.
you drove him insane. cunt soaking wet, plush walls letting him abuse your poor pussy over and over, his cock plowing into you with the force of a man starved.
he claimed your soft lips with his again, uncharacteristically gentle for a man fucking your brains out. he trailed down hot, sloppy kisses down your neck, taking one of your tits into his warm mouth and fondling the other one with his calloused fingers.
his grip on your waist was searing into your skin, the heat flooding your whole body, his blue eyes gazing into yours with the intensity of a man starved.
he could never get enough of you.
your hands tugged at his white hair, moving lower and gripping at his shoulders, his back, any part you could reach. he was insatiable, fucking into you so good you lost track of how many times he'd made you cum that night.
the veins of his girthy, long cock dragged against your clit just right, making you see stars in his eyes. unfiltered, filthy praises escaped his mouth, whines of how good you feel around him, how your pussy was made for him.
you don't know whether it was his unrelenting speed at which he was fucking you, or the way he made out with you, slowly, so messy, a string of saliva still connecting you both, or looking at the marks you left on his sculpted body, but all you saw was white hot pleasure.
you came hard and fast, hips bucking wildly into his touch, his pace never faltering and driving you to the edge. only he knows how he held out for so long, immediately losing himself into the feeling of you creaming around his cock and filling you up with his cum.
warm ropes of sticky, white cum oozed out from your abused pussy, hole still twitching, his cock warm resting against your belly, both of you panting to catch your breath.
"done already, 'toru?" you asked with wide eyes, practically begging him to fuck you again.
god, yeah, you were going to be the death of him.
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credits to @saradika-graphics for dividers
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transbookoftheday · 3 months
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Trans Horror Podcasts
My post about trans horror books last year was much more popular than I expected, and since I've recently fallen in love with fiction podcasts and audio dramas, I thought I'd make a post about trans horror podcasts as well.
If you like trans horror, please give these a try - especially if you enjoy listening to audiobooks!
Hello From The Hallowoods:
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Come walk between the black pines! In this award-winning queer fiction podcast, an eldritch narrator follows the increasingly connected residents of the forest at the end of the world. It's a bittersweet story that explores queer identity, horror genre tropes, and finding hope in humanity's last moments.
Hello From The Hallowoods is my absolute favorite podcast! If you only listen to one podcast from this list, please make it this one - it's so beautifully written and super queer! Also: season 4 starts today!
Trans main characters include:
our nonbinary eye-affiliated podcast host
a nonbinary "Frankenstein's creature"
a transmasc ghost
a genderfluid storm witch
a trans woman who can visit other people's dreams
multiple characters using neopronouns
Camp Here & There:
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Good morning, campers! Camp Here & There is a weekly horror comedy podcast tuned in to the loudspeakers of a small midwestern sleepaway camp plagued by supernatural terrors and natural disasters. Sydney Sargent, resident camp nurse, cheerfully reports on all the terror we must face with a big smile. Let’s hope there’s nothing weird about that!
Sydney is a trans man.
Dos: After You:
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Things have changed. Deck has fallen in love with someone who isn't human, and leaves a hungry house behind to see him again. Will he be waiting for you? The world has changed… but what about him? Dos: After You is a queer urban fantasy/horror audiodrama available in both English & Spanish
Deck is a trans man.
Jar of Rebuke:
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Follow Dr. Jared Hel's journey as he works to re-discover his forgotten past and finds his place within the small Indiana farm town of Wichton and the cryptozoological organization he works for called 'The Enclosure'. These audio journals, and other recordings, dive deep into Midwestern US cryptids and folklore while also telling a mystery about identity, queerness, neurodivergence, and community.
Jared is nonbinary.
Spirit Box Radio:
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Spirit Box Radio is an award winning, horror audio drama podcast about a radio show for enthusiasts of all things arcane. Follow Sam Enfield a former postboy with no experience in the arcane arts, who finds themselves forced to take over running the show, following the disappearance of the previous host. Sam soon discovers there are more than ghosts haunting the show, and finds himself amidst a mystery which threatens everything he knows about the world beyond his tiny basement broadcast studio, and maybe even himself.
Sam is a trans man.
The Silt Verses:
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Carpenter and Faulkner, two worshippers of an outlawed god, travel up the length of their deity’s great black river, searching for holy revelations amongst the reeds and the wetlands. As their pilgrimage lengthens and the river’s mysteries deepen, the two acolytes find themselves under threat from a police manhunt, but also come into conflict with the weirder gods that have flourished in these forgotten rural territories. This is a world where divine intervention takes place through prayer-markings scratched into stumping-posts, and offerings are left squirming to die in the flats of the delta. This is a world of ritual, and hidden language, and sacrifice. This is folk horror, and fantasy, and a dark road trip into the depths of unusual faith.
Faulkner is a trans man.
The Magnus Protocol:
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The Magnus Archives 2: The Magnus Protocol is the prequel/sequel/”sidequel” to the internationally renowned Magnus Archives podcast. The Magnus Institute was an organisation dedicated to academic research into the esoteric and the paranormal, based out of Manchester, England. It burned to the ground in 1999. There were no survivors. Now, almost 25 years later, Alice and Sam, a pair of low-level civil service workers at the underfunded Office of Incident Assessment and Response, have stumbled across its legacy. A legacy that will put them in grave danger. If this intrigues you then it is our pleasure to welcome you to the Office of Incident, Assessment and Response. Make sure you pick up your badge at desk and report to your line manager before sitting down. Oh and stay away from I.T., seriously.
I'm not sure if Alice is canonically trans, but her voice actress is a trans woman.
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astrolovecosmos · 8 months
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❤️‍🔥Venus & Mars❤️‍🔥
Written from the perspective of Venus representing femininity and Mars masculinity. Please take this with a grain of salt.
Aries Venus: Warrior Queen, hellfire eyes, won't take no for an answer, upfront, hungry for action, red petals and lips, all eyes on her, can leave a burn or scar.
Aries Mars: Ardent eyes and lips, fiery protector, a good competitor, rescuer, conquering libido, always at 100, hot days and unforgettable nights.
Taurus Venus: Irresistible charm or look, low-key seductive, enduring and magnetic, slow burn, dream weddings or dates, romantic touch, comforting and content, careful with hearts.
Taurus Mars: Caring hands, hedonistic attitudes, down-to-earth until they're not, things are always on their time, level-headed or stable assertiveness, smells good, shares with those they love their soft spot.
Gemini Venus: Shapeshifting enchantress, leading you astray or into ecstasy or both, bright feathers and dazzling wings, sharp talons and a sharper tongue, curious creature, get lost in her eyes, movements, or storms.
Gemini Mars: Lightning-fast energy but airy to be around, wins you over with humor, takes pride in his intellect, upbeat and always around a crowd or working one, bewitches with ease and passion.
Cancer Venus: Mysterious and soft glows, gentle and kind, a protective force of nature, messy and engulfing feelings, hard to fall but when they do they fall hard, can be others safety, gets her way.
Cancer Mars: Silent and strong type or insightful and tenderhearted, deep and sensitive, trustworthy vibes, that moody artist or introverted mystery, a wall or door people are tempted to investigate, a powerful guardian, never gives up.
Leo Venus: Strength and beauty of a goddess, instant connections and passion, object of adoration or desire, demands your attention, worship and heart, romance in their veins, she is the sun - center of your universe.
Leo Mars: Draws you in with his performance, wins, or adventures, brave in the bedroom, will risk it all, life of the party, maybe vain or selfish but always on top, a king, lust and power, feverish and flirty, are you his muse, trophy, or queen?
Virgo Venus: The answer to all your prayers or questions, devoted blood, sensuous and erotic, always has it together, earthy vibes and quiet affection, thoughtful, but may bite, will you grow with her or will she outgrow you?
Virgo Mars: Innocent eyes with a mischievous or know-it-all smirk, reliable arms, secret vitality but not-so secret intellect and wit, observational, appreciative, discerning in preferences and partners, will work hard for you but what will you do for them?
Libra Venus: You can't miss her when she walks into a room, candlelight and wine, charm, beauty, and brains, falls easily, likely has a line of admirers, elegance and grace, now you know why lust and love are seen as ✨magic✨.
Libra Mars: Knows how to make you happy or calm, secretly a hunting hound, hard to resist, if you're with him you're BEAUTIFUL, affectionate and chivalrous, charismatic one minute and introverted the next, can you figure him out?
Scorpio Venus: THE seductress, passionate and dramatic temptation and lust, says forever and means it, rapacious lover, deep and hypnotic, a heart-stopping and mystic medusa, jealous and unforgiving but will give you everything.
Scorpio Mars: Eyes that look into your soul, the dark and edgy type, sex-appeal is their weapon along with mystery or secrecy, an intense enigma, sensitive yet powerfully assertive, an unstoppable force, may be obsessive or easily misunderstood but knows you more intimately than anyone else.
Sagittarius Venus: For true adventurers only, free spirit and a rebellious heart, more independent than you, the most fun you've ever had, a huntress, lucky in love, desire + lust + companionship, can you handle her honesty?
Sagittarius Mars: Always taking their shot, will explore and challenge you, a wild ride, infectious and attractive optimism, humor, or even clumsiness or awkwardness, chronically adaptable and energetic - can you keep up?
Capricorn Venus: Ice you want to melt, respect or admiration are the only options, reliable and grounded, always in control, you know when she's approaching, true faithfulness, hard to satisfy, she's the authority.
Capricorn Mars: Relentless and calculated pursuit, private and cool-headed, #relationshipgoals, provider vibes, an underrated smooth talker, powerful influence and drive, all about longevity...
Aquarius Venus: Magnetic sorceress, intellectual babe, sparkling and different, always keeping you on your toes, can do it all on her own but likes your company, unconventional relationships, falling in slow motion or fast-forwarding into love at high speed.
Aquarius Mars: Visionary wizard with enticing charisma, pushing boundaries, special aurora and bedroom moves, erratic and strong-willed, sees the best in you, channeling passion into each other's minds and bodies.
Pisces Venus: Sensational siren, dreamy and karmic, elusive moments, drowning in feeling, flip a coin for love or lust - throw it in the fountain for both, making your dreams and/or nightmares come true.
Pisces Mars: That hopeless romantic, sweet and sensitive, imaginative moves and touch, will give you their heart and soul, captivating and addicting, your fantasy lover.
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our-lord-satanas · 2 months
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HECATE / HEKATE
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WHO IS SHE?
Hecate is a Goddess of magic and witchcraft, as well as the guardian of boundaries and crossings. She is often depicted as a triple-headed woman, representing her role as a gatekeeper between realms. Hecate is a powerful and mysterious Goddess, and she is often associated with the moon, the night, and the Underworld. She is also known for her connection to the spirits of the dead, and she is revered as a protector of orphans and wayfarers. As the Goddess of magic and witchcraft, she is also an expert in magic, astrology, and other arcane arts.
BASIC INFO:
Appearance: Hecate is traditionally depicted as a tall and powerful woman with a distinctive appearance. She is often portrayed as having three heads, each with different facial features, such as eyes of different colours or expressions. She is also described as having black hair and wearing a dark cloak, which further lends to her mysterious and dark appearance. In some depictions, she was said to carry a torch, a crescent moon, and a key, which is a symbol of her power over the boundaries between life and death.
Personality: Hecate is a complex and multi-faceted deity, representing the trinity of magic, knowledge and wisdom, as well as the boundaries between life and death. Her personality reflects that complexity and is a combination of contradictory traits, embodying both dark and mysterious aspects, as reflected by her position as Goddess of the Underworld, while also being a bright and benevolent figure, representing light and wisdom. She is often depicted as a three-headed woman, symbolizing her association with the crossroads and the triad of magic that she encapsulates.
Symbols: paired torches, keys, crossroads, dark/triple moon, wheel, daggers, rope, dogs, serpents, knives, and Strophalos
Goddess of: Witchcraft, necromancy, ghosts, the night, boundaries, and crossroads
Culture: Greek
Plants and trees: asphodel, mugwort, lavender, rue, garlic, yew, cypress, aconite (also called hecateis), belladonna, dittany, mandrake, mint, sage, laurel, cedar, and overall poisonous plants
Crystals: schorl, blue alexandrite, smoky topaz, anorthosite, morion quartz, blue john, larvikite, chevron, jet, spessartite garnet, Dalmatian jasper, indicolite, smoky quartz, labradorite, and super seven
Animals: dog, mare, serpent, cat, bats, and polecat
Incense: frankincense, rosemary, myrrh, and patchouli
Colours: black, grey, silver, gold, violet, green, red, and white
Tarot: The High Priestess, The Hermit, The Moon, and Queen of Pentacles
Planets: Mercury, Moon, and Mars
Days: Thursday, Wednesday evenings (new moon celebrations are typically held on Wednesday evenings), Tuesday, the full moon, Samhain (Oct 31st), and the new moon
Parents: Perses and Asteria
Siblings: none known
Partner: Apollo and Mormo
Children: Empusa and Scylla
MISC:
• The triple moon: which represents the phases of the moon and balance between the material and the spiritual, as well as the duality of light and darkness.
• Keys: which represents power and knowledge and can be used to unlock doors and paths to knowledge and power that are hidden or restricted.
• Torches: which represents guidance and illumination in dark times or when clarity is needed.
• Wolves: Hecate is sometimes depicted with three heads, which is one reason she is often associated with wolves. Wolves also symbolize strength, loyalty, and protection and can be a natural source of inspiration for your prayers or rituals.
• Black cats: commonly associated with Hecate, mostly due to her connection to the Underworld. Black cats represent protection and wisdom, and they can be an excellent source of inspiration for your prayers or rituals.
• The triune Goddess: which represents the trio of maiden, mother, and crone and the power of the feminine.
• Crossroads: where people would often seek wisdom from Hecate when they faced difficulties or had questions.
• Magic, occultism, and witchcraft: as Hecate is the Goddess of magic and spells, and she is often invoked during rituals and magickal practices.
FACTS ABOUT HECATE:
• Name: the name Hecate comes from the Greek word "ekatid," which means "the one who has power over the road."
• Relationships: Hecate is associated with the night, the Underworld, the moon, and the spirit world. She is also connected to Demeter and Persephone, both of whom are associated with the fertility of the cycle of life and death.
• Symbols: the symbols of Hecate include a three-headed dog, a key, and a torch.
• Role: Hecate is a mysterious and powerful Goddess associated with sorcery and magic, often depicted as a triple-headed or triple-bodied figure.
• Associations: Hecate is often associated with crossroads, magic, prophecy, mystery, spirits, night, ghosts, and the Underworld, serving as a protector and guide for those who have died. She is also the patron deity of witches and magic-users, and is also associated with the night.
• History: Hecate is a minor deity in Greek mythology, but she has become a prevalent figure in modern times. Hecate's origins are linked to the Greek Underworld and the female deity Selene, and she is also connected to the Roman goddesses Artemis and Diana.
• Role in Witchcraft: Hecate is widely associated with magic and witchcraft, and many witches and Wiccans revere her as a source of power and knowledge. Some witch traditions worship Hecate as a three-way Goddess who represents the past, present, and future.
HOW TO WORSHIP HECATE:
To worship Hecate respectfully, you should approach her with a sense of reverence and respect. She is a powerful Goddess and should be treated as such. You can offer prayers, libations, and offerings to her, and it's important to speak to her in a respectful manner, as you would to any other person of authority. Hecate has a strong connection to magic and the Underworld, so you can also use magic or other rituals to communicate with her. It's important to have an open mind and a respectful attitude when approaching Hecate and seeking her guidance.
HOW TO PRAY TO HECATE:
To begin, you could address her by name and say something along the lines of:
"Oh Great Goddess Hecate, I come to you seeking your guidance and wisdom. I offer myself to you, my heart and my spirit, and I ask for your blessing in this prayer."
"I thank you, great Goddess Hecate, for listening to my words and for your guidance and protection. May you walk by my side always. Hail Hecate.”
CAN I CONTACT HECATE AT A CROSSROAD?
Yes, it is possible to contact Hecate at a crossroads. This is a traditional method of invoking the Goddess that has been used for centuries. To do this, you should prepare a offering (bread, honey, and herbs, or any other items that you feel would be suitable for her) and then go to a crossroads during the witching hour between 12 a.m. and 3 a.m. Place your offering under the crossroads sign and say a prayer to invoke Hecate. Speak with sincerity and humility, and ask for guidance and aid in whatever aspect of your life you feel most in need of support. Remember to listen for signs and messages that Hecate may bring you.
WHAT ARE SIGNS THAT HECATE WANTS ME TO WORK WITH HER?
If your request to work with Hecate has been accepted, you may notice the following signs:
• Feeling drawn toward witchcraft, magic, or spiritual practices
• Seeing her symbols, such as the moon, keys, dogs, etc.
• Feeling a connection to animals, nature, or the Underworld
• Feeling a pull towards the crossroads or areas with a strong sense of the occult
• Having vivid dreams or visions in which she appears or speaks directly to you.
• Seeing or feeling her energies in your environment
• The number 13 keeps popping up everywhere
• You hear dogs howling at night from nowhere
• Hecate’s symbols are repeating: the key, crossroads, torch, dagger, Hecate’s wheel
• You’re drawn to graveyards and cemeteries
• You’ve had a spiritual experience (either positive or terrifying) at a crossroads in the woods
• You’re new to the craft and need guidance but don’t know who to turn to
• Hecate comes into witches’ lives who are pregnant and dying (during major transitions in life)
• You’re seeing a white dog(s) everywhere you go (in real life or on TV, etc.)
• Hecate’s name keeps showing up in your daily life (in random conversations, books, TV shows, online, etc.)
• You love working with animals, in particular dogs
• Stray dogs tend to find you and want you to take them in
• You were born under a Dark Moon or on Hecate Night
• Spirits communicate with you and have your entire life
If your request to work with Hecate has not been accepted, you may notice the following signs:
• Getting a strong impression or intuition that she is not interested in working with you.
• Getting a reading or divination that indicates Hecate is not willing to work with you at this time.
• Feeling a strong resistance or dissonance when you attempt to connect with her or her energies.

Overall you need to be respectful of deities denying your request.
OFFERINGS:
• Fire
• Three-headed candles
• Bones or skulls
• Poetry
• Chanting
• Herbs and flowers
• Food and drinks: such as grapes, almonds, garlic, red meat, water, milk, eggs, fruit, dishes with garlic, sweets that are crescent-shaped, pomegranates, dark chocolate, red wine, bread, and honey
• Painting
• Dancing
• Incense
• Olive oil
• Wands
• Keys
• A cauldron
• Crow feathers
DEVOTIONAL ACTS FOR HECATE:
• Respect the boundaries of others and yourself
• Practice self-love and self-compassion
• Take care of yourself physically, mentally, and spiritually
• Cultivate an open mind and open heart
• Follow your instincts and trust in your guidance
• Nurture friendships and relationships that are healthy and beneficial
• Learn to balance pleasure and work
• Live each day with purpose and intention.
• Doings Things in 13’s: offer thirteen flowers to her, give elaborate offerings or do ritual on the thirteenth of each month in her name, say your prayers thirteen times, etc
• Take care of our canine friends, do so in Hecate’s name. She will bless you AND your dogs or any dogs you care for. If you can’t have a dog, donate your time OR old blankets, dog food, etc. to a local animal shelter. And tell Hecate you’re doing it in her name. This doesn’t just go for dogs, but for any kind of canine species.
• Doing spirit work in the cemetery
IS IT SAFE TO EAT OR DRINK AN OFFERING I GIVE TO HER?
An offering given to her is thus infused with the energies of the Underworld and may have a powerful impact on the consumer, if eaten. To avoid any potential discomfort, confusion, or negative effects, it is generally recommended that you avoid consuming offerings dedicated to Hecate and instead pour or bury the edible offerings into the earth.
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