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paperpocalypse · 2 years

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fish dad.

50 Wordless Ways to Say “I Love You”: 8. Buying them something unrequested because it made you think of them.

Pairing: Sparrow!Ben Hargreeves x Reader

Word Count: 3,161 words

Warnings: Swearing, one brief depiction of blood/death, Sparrow!Ben

“Before you say no –”

“Hell no,” Ben hisses at you. “I’m not babysitting it.”

“Before you say no,” you repeat earnestly, legs dangling freely as your forearms stick to Ben’s windowsill, “just consider how this would benefit you. The public loves Fei’s birds. Animals are badass.”

“Oh, yeah, I’ll throw a fucking two-inch fish at the enemy and Dad will promote me right back to Number One. Thanks.”

“His name is Ben, Jr., and I’ll have you know that he killed at least two other fish while he was with his previous owner.”

You hold the plastic bag containing the blood-red betta fish out towards Ben, who curls his lip in distaste. Still, you notice how his eyes linger on the slow, wave-like motion of Ben, Jr.’s fins before sending another glare at you.

“I have more important things to do than take care of a fish,” he says condescendingly.

You tilt your head.

“Like what?”

“Like fighting crime, dumbass!”

(Ben does not peel you away from his window for your feigned naivety, which is an improvement from last year.)

“Please, the Sparrows have nothing to do these days except walk around and look cool. My niece is staying over for two weeks, and she literally likes to sleep with the fishes.” You cut a thumb across your throat for emphasis. “Just look after him for two weeks, Ben. For me?”

He scoffs. “What makes you think I’d do anything for you?”

“Because I’d do anything for you.”

Ben’s mouth snaps shut. He makes a face as if he’d just chewed up a whole lemon, and you stare openly at his scrunched nose, Ben, Jr. dangling from your hand.

A gust of wind blows past the building. You shiver, knees scraping against the rough brick wall.

“Bullshit,” Ben finally manages.

“It’s not bullshit.”

“It is.”

“Why?”

He leans over his bed towards you, splaying his hands over the comforter. “Because if you’d really do anything for me,” he murmurs, voice a low, bitter drawl, “you’d join the Sparrows. Not unload your pet on me like a deadbeat parent.”

Your smile slackens just slightly. As it does, Ben rolls his eyes and pushes off the mattress.

“That’s not fair,” you mutter, breaking eye contact. “You know why I don’t do that anymore.”

“Your past is an explanation, not an excuse.”

Guilt-tripping me for being a child soldier is kind of a shit take, Number Two, you want to say, but you don’t.

Ben, Jr. flits back and forth in his little bag, appearing to sense your agitation. You take a deep breath in through your nose and fix the original Ben with an irritated look.

“Look, I came here to ask for a favor, not to have this conversation for the millionth time.” Setting Ben, Jr. on the windowsill, you reach back to unzip your backpack. So much for your good mood. “I guess I’ll just give him to Jenny instead.”

Ben narrows his eyes at you.

Right before you can store the fish away and start your slow descent, a tentacle reaches out and takes the bag from you.

You frown. Ben clicks his tongue and places the fish on his desk with more delicacy than you know he would ever admit, avoiding your quizzical look all the while.

“You owe me. Don’t go crying to me if Fei’s crows get to it,” he grouses.

“Keep your door closed,” you reply tersely. “You already do that, don’t you?”

He doesn’t answer. “Do I have to buy the stupid tank, too?”

“Everything he needs is in my car.”

With that, you heft yourself up and over the windowsill, hopping over the bed and landing solidly in his room. Ben stiffens when you nudge his shoulder with the back of your hand and head to the door.

“Where are you going?” he demands.

You look over your shoulder at him, still a bit miffed but ready to get a move-on.

“To get Ben, Jr.’s stuff. Come on and help me?”

Despite his grumbling and complaining, Ben trails after you down the hallway towards the stairs.

—

At first, he tells Grace to take care of the fish, but that order is quickly retracted when the robot malfunctions and starts dumping a shit ton of food into the tank. After that, it seems that taking care of “Ben, Jr.” is solely his responsibility. Fuck.

He takes great pains to ensure that nobody else knows about his situation, but this lasts for exactly two days. At least Sloane, the most tolerable Sparrow next to Chris, is the first to know.

“What’s with the fish?” she asks upon slipping into his room to borrow his blue Copic marker, staring at the five-gallon filtered monstrosity you had called an adequate temporary tank.

“Stupid present from a fan.”

His sister tilts her head. She approaches the tank, squatting down to trace the glass, and Ben resists the sudden urge to tell her to back off.

“Must be a pretty big fan. Look, it even has our colors.” She’s right. Though it’s mostly red, there are blue details at the bases and fringes of its fins, something that Ben had noticed the moment you shoved it into his life. “Did you name it?”

“Of course not. I don’t even want it.”

The quiet, piercing way in which Sloane regards him is unsettling. He meets her gaze head-on as she stands back up.

“Well, if you don’t want it, I’ll take it. I’ve always wanted a pet,” she says.

“No,” he replies without even thinking.

“Oh.”

There’s another excruciating moment of silence where she looks at him, and his short temper flares. He hates it when she acts like she knows something he doesn’t, like a mother waiting for her child to understand the bigger picture.

There is no bigger picture. He knows this – his ranking’s higher than hers for a reason, after all.

“What, Sloane?” he snaps.

She smiles, and his anger quickly turns to dread.

“I saw you carrying the tank up with [Y/n].” Oh, for fuck’s sake. He crosses his arms as she continues, her tone airy and wistful. “You should be nicer to your friends, Ben. We don’t have very many of them.”

“It’s not a gift,” Ben tells her sourly. “I’m stuck with it for two weeks while their fish-killing niece is staying over.”

“Well, it’s nice of you to look after it. You usually don’t do things for other people.”

He bristles. She says it like he’s getting soft.

“We’re exchanging favors. I’m not doing this to be nice.”

“Oh.”

No matter what he says to try to convince her, Sloane doesn’t seem to take him seriously. Nobody in this goddamn academy does.

“Just – take the marker and leave,” he ends up saying – to set a boundary, not to admit that she’s right in any way, because she has the wrong idea about all of this. “And close the door.”

Sloane nods. Casting one last glance at the tank, she takes her leave without another word, closing the door after her with a soft click.

Ben is alone once more. He glowers at your fish as it hovers near the surface of the water.

“You’re a pain in my ass, you know that?”

Ben, Jr. just flutters his fins.

—

At the end of the first week, you drop your niece off for a sleepover and then stop by the academy to check on the fish.

“Wow, he looks good,” you exclaim, admiring Ben, Jr.’s vibrant, healthy colors.

“Why do you sound surprised?” Ben retorts.

You raise an eyebrow at him. “I mean, you were pretty reluctant to take him in.”

“I wouldn’t kill your fish on purpose.”

“Have your siblings met him yet?”

He sends you a look of poorly masked bemusement. “Sloane saw him.”

(You know that Ben doesn’t really bother with personal matters when it comes to his siblings. Some of the Sparrows (read: Jayme and Alphonso) would probably try something stupid for shits and giggles, anyway, and you would rather not let that happen.)

(But still, you entertain the idea of the others learning that Ben can, in fact, take care of something other than himself.)

“Oh, okay. You know, she’s always seemed like the type to get a pet. A little, fluffy white dog, or something like that.”

Ben shrugs disinterestedly.

Grabbing the bottle of fish food, you sprinkle a little bit into the tank.

“You said he killed at least two other fish.”

Looking back at him, you sigh. “Yeah, his previous owner dropped other male bettas into the bowl and made them fight,” you answer, watching Ben, Jr. slurp up the flakes with a frown. “Asshole got bored after a while, though, and I managed to buy this little guy. Good thing, right?”

“What kind of loser watches fish fights?”

“Losers who like how easy it is to cause them,” you say. “Male bettas are really territorial, so it’s on the owner to keep them in the right environment. Otherwise, they’ll end up hurting other fish and getting hurt themselves.” You roll your neck to the side, feeling the vertebrae crack. “Mind if I sit on your bed?”

“What do you think?”

“No?”

“Don’t put your shoes on the sheets. They were just cleaned.”

“Sure thing,” you respond, taking your shoes off and making yourself at home near the foot of his bed. “So, how was your week? Kick any ass?”

“Flew to Philly and fucked up some kidnappers. It didn’t even take ten minutes.”

“Whoa. Cool. I looked at spreadsheets and confronted Janelle about eating my lunch in the break room.”

Ben raises an eyebrow at you, blatantly unimpressed. “Doesn’t having such a boring-ass life bother you?” he asks.

You consider, drawing your legs up to cross them. Does it bother you? A nine-to-five office job, mediocre workplace drama, a normal sister with a normal daughter that visit your normal apartment twice a year. Bills. Overpriced tea. Decently ironed shirts in different colors. An old cat that follows you to the bathroom when you wake up in the middle of the night, skin sticky with sweat and head pounding with dreams of blood on your teeth and your old teammate with his skull cracked open like an egg.

“Civilian life isn’t boring,” you conclude. “Especially if you can scale buildings.”

“Whatever you say,” Ben drawls, sitting down in his desk chair, elbows on the armrests and legs spread as if he’s on a throne.

“Come on. Every superpowered kid thinks about what they’d do if they were normal.”

You don’t miss the way his jaw clenches.

“We’re not children anymore,” he informs you. “My power is a gift. I’ll always be a Sparrow. It’s who we’re meant to be.”

Wetting your lips, you scratch the back of your neck. Every time the two of you are together, the conversation inevitably circles back to the academy. It’s his life. It’s all he’s ever known and all he has, all the bells and whistles attached. Sometimes, you wonder if you would’ve had the same sentiments if your team was – better. Stronger.

In a fucked-up kind of way, you’re glad that it wasn’t.

Three sharp knocks interrupt your train of thought.

“What?” Ben sounds a little more annoyed than usual.

The doorknob turns, and you’re met with Fei’s carefully neutral expression, a single finger still raised from pushing the door open. A crow is perched on her shoulder.

“I’d appreciate not speaking through the door. It’s time for dinner,” she reports, inclining her head towards you. “You’re welcome to join if you want.”

You glance at Ben. He meets your gaze, then rolls his eyes.

“I don’t care if you stay or not.”

Geez, what a bastard. You kick at his ankle. “I wasn’t looking for your permission,” you chastise. You turn back to Fei. “I’d love to join your dinner meeting, as long as I get to sit next to Benjamin over here.”

“Don’t call me that.”

The corner of Fei’s mouth twitches. “All right, then,” she says, turning. “Hurry up and get Chris. I’m not going to wait until my food gets cold.”

As she leaves, you stand up along with Ben. “Her crow didn’t even look at Ben, Jr.,” you note.

“Her crows don’t do anything she doesn’t want them to do,” Ben says, putting a hand on your back and pushing you out of his room. “Now hurry up.”

—

You answer after two rings. Or three. Or five? He can’t count for shit right now.

“H … Hello?”

“[Y/n],” Ben mumbles, relieved. He fumbles with the phone, managing to pin it between his shoulder and ear before it slips and clatters to the floor. “Shit. I dropped you … pfft …”

He hears you snort quietly. “Ben, are you drunk dialing me at two in the morning?”

“Nooo. It’s three in the morning, dumbass. Three-oh-two.” Something in his throat catches, and he hiccups loudly, then giggles. “Thanks for pickin’ up. I hate leaving messages.”

“Well, I just woke up, so I guess you’re lucky, huh?”

“Why’re you whispering?”

“Because my niece is sleeping –”

“I lost your fish.”

“… What?”

“I lost your fish,” Ben repeats, and unexpectedly, sorrow wells up inside of him. His eyes sting, and he hangs his head, chin dipping down against his chest. “I can’t find him.”

“Did you look inside his little cave?”

“No, ’cause he left me. He left because he hates me soooo much.”

“He doesn’t hate you, Ben.”

“Yes, he does,” Ben insists. “’Cause I hate him. All he does is swim around and hide, and I hafta fuckin’ feed him and clean his stupid tank. And he can’t even be with other fish because he fights and kills them, and he flares at me when I put my face too close. I hate Ben. So now he’s … he’s gone.”

There. He finishes his explanation in one breath, then listens expectantly for your reply so he can argue some more. When you take too long to answer, Ben almost cries.

“Why’d you take such good care of him, then?” you eventually ask.

“Because you like him,” Ben slurs. What kind of question was that? Stupid.

“You could’ve just told me if he was too much. There are other people who can take care of him.”

“I’m good enough to take care of your fish. You asked me first. Don’t ask anybody else.”

“I didn’t ask anybody else, Ben. I knew you’d do a good job.”

“But I lost him.”

“Again, did you check his cave?”

“No.”

“Check his cave, dingdong.”

He pointedly looks away from the tank. “No. He needs to stay lost. He’s better that way.”

“Ben –” You sound exasperated, but then you laugh. It bumbles through the haze in his brain and he smushes his ear against the receiver to hear it better. “Fine. Do you know why I like Ben, Jr.?”

“Hell if I know,” Ben mutters.

“Because he reminds me of you,” you reply. “He deserves to be treated well. Thanks for doing that for me, Ben.”

This is frustrating. You’re frustrating. “I don’t get you,” he complains, eyes closing. “He’s just a fish.”

“That’s all he needs to be for me to like him. Look, check the cave or not, but he’s probably still there. Enjoy your hangover tomorrow.”

“You’re so fuckin’ mean,” he grumbles into the receiver.

You laugh again.

“Pot calling the kettle black. Go to sleep.”

“You go to sleep.”

You hang up. Ben drops the phone and stumbles to his feet, then stumbles toward the tank and squints into the dark maw of the small cave in the corner.

Sure enough, he spots Ben, Jr. snoozing inside.

“Go to sleep,” he also tells him.

Less miserable now, Ben is somehow able to remove his socks and unbutton his shirt before flopping limply onto his bed and drifting off himself.

—

At the end of the second week, you crawl through his window and announce that you have a confession to make.

Ben’s smile drips with arrogance. “Sorry, but I don’t date, sweetheart,” he says.

“I’ll make sure to cry in my bedroom later,” you reply wryly. “Not that kind of confession. It’s about Ben, Jr.”

“What about him?”

“Well …”

You linger on the word, and Ben crosses his arms impatiently, shooting a glance at the fish that had taken over his room for the past fourteen days. Ben, Jr. looks perfectly fine to him. He had fed him, kept the tank clean, even gotten a stupid moss ball after Sloane mentioned them in passing. For all intents and purposes, he’d spoiled the shit out of your fish. Surely him just being alive was good enough for you.

“‘Well’ what?”

“He wasn’t for you to just babysit,” you say, hands raised like he’ll unleash his tentacles on you. “He’s a gift. For you. I figured a trial run would’ve been better than just dropping him off, no takebacks. And my niece really does kill fish, so two birds with one stone, I guess.” You pat the top of the tank with an almost shy grin. “If you still don’t want him, I can take him today.”

He’s a gift.

Ben blinks. He clears his throat.

“It’d be a pain in the ass to move the tank out,” he mutters. When he sees your eyes light up, he glares up at the ceiling.

You hum lowly. Rubbing your chin, you start to walk towards him.

“So do you want the fish or do you want me to –”

“I want the damn fish,” he snaps. His cheeks flush as you get closer, and he drags his hand down his face in an attempt to scrub the heat away.

Snickering, you stop. “Okay, then. That’s all I wanted to know.”

He grunts.

His brow furrows as you spin on your heel and wave at Ben, Jr. before making your way to the window. You push the window up, and a balmy summer draft blows in.

“What are you doing?”

You put your foot on the sill and stick your head out. “Leaving?”

When Ben seizes your arm, your skin is already rough, but he maintains his grip despite the discomfort. “It’s almost six-thirty.”

“Yeah, your family dinner meeting. Don’t be late.”

“Stay for it.”

“Oh?” Your lips curl upwards. “You want me to stay for dinner again?”

Scowling, Ben lets go. Whatever sensation that’s prickling his chest seems to expand twofold when you duck back into his room.

“No. Forget it.”

“Nope. I’d never turn down a free meal,” you state. “Might as well beat Fei to it, huh?”

You leave the window open, leading him to the door. He doesn’t realize that he’s caught your wrist again until you’re dragging him down the stairs, babbling on about how Ben, Jr. might be okay with other fish if he gets a bigger tank.

Ben doesn’t care. Not at all.

#wordless ways to say i love you #source: @50-item-writing-prompts #ben hargreeves #sparrow!ben #ben hargreeves x reader #sparrow!ben x reader #the umbrella academy #tua #the sparrow academy #tua ben #tua fanfic #fanfic #reader insert #fluff #something something ben confronts his self-hate via a fish named after him #blahblahblah

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spiderrmax · 1 year

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thinking of reblogging a writing prompt list

#specifically rhe 50 wordless ways to say i love you one #ive been enjoying writting drabbles. they cause less burnout #im just scared no one will request lol

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in-another-april · 4 months

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Hi!!! So I would love if you did number 6 and 7 from the prompt list. I would prefer if it was a bit of angst with hurt/comfort but obviously do what you want! Love ur writing babe!! 💗💗

summary/prompt + genre - 6 and 7 from 50 Wordless Ways to Say “I Love You” | angst with kinda happy ending, hurt/comfort

warnings - mentions of death, minor blood and injuries, bruises

wc - 401

notes - eee thank you sm!!! i hope you enjoy and that this is close to what you had in mind, lemme know if you want me to rewrite anything differently ♡

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Spencer is barely out of the building for two seconds before you’re tackling him in a hug, the feeling of him against you making it finally possible to breathe again. He lets out a noise of surprise as he stumbles back from the force of your collision, meeting your desperation with (comparatively) steady hands. He wraps his arms around you tightly, rocking you back and forth soothingly.

“Are you okay?” He asks softly, frowning in concern.

“Wh- Am I okay? Are you?” You gape, reluctantly pulling away to examine him for injury.

“I’m fine,” He insists gently, but you continue your inspection until he cups your face in his hands, bringing your gaze back to his. “Hey, I’m alright.” Your eyes are wide and watery as he looks into them, blinking back tears of his own. One of your hands reaches up to swipe your thumb below his eye, wiping the tear away as it falls.

You repeat his words to yourself in your head, nodding tentatively. He isn’t wrong: light bruising around his eye and a busted lip, but otherwise unscathed. Eyebrows furrowed with worry, you lean up to press a delicate, barely-there kiss to the reddish purple mark forming on his face. It still doesn’t feel real, though, and you take him back into your arms for a much gentler embrace than the first, shuddering out a relived sigh.

“I-I was so worried about you, I don’t know what I would do if…” The words tumble out before you can stop them and you shake your head, unable to finish the sentence and speak around the lump in your throat.

“Nothing’s gonna happen to me.” He swallows, hand resting on the back of your head. “I’ll always come back to you; I promise.” It’s not a fair promise, and you both know it, but you really can’t find it in yourself to think about that in the moment.

Instead, you give him a light squeeze to prove to yourself that he’s really there, that he’s safe, pressing your face into the crook of his neck and breathing him in. The feeling of his pulse, strong, steady, and slowing in the adrenaline’s aftermath finally calms you down, and it’s then you realize how tired you are without the panic there keep you up. As if he read your mind, Spencer breaks the silence with a drowsy murmur.

“C’mon, let’s go home.”

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer x reader #criminal minds x reader #reid x reader #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x you #x reader #inbox-another-april

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healmydesires · 11 months

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I wanna hear you say my name (j.m)

pairing: joel miller x fem!reader

summary: Your shower is still broken and you’re on your period, leaving you a frustrated mess. Thankfully, Joel is here to help you out, in more ways than one.

word count: 5,1k

genre: fluff + smut (kinda filthy idk) (mdni 18+)

tags/warnings: pretty new relationship but the feelings are established, age gap (reader is in her late 20’s, joel is in his early 50’s), soft!joel, dom/sub dynamics, soft!dom joel, sub!reader, menstrual mentions, menstruation, period sex, piv sex, vaginal fingering, multiple orgasms, creampie, shower sex, some breeding kink, overstimulation, size kink, praise kink, lots of pet names… like an insane amount.

a/n: the title is inspired by the song touching by v. cartier. I reeeaaally recommend that song, it’s so good. I’m literally obsessed with his music. tbh all of my fic titles are lyrics from my fave songs. anyways!! this is direct part two of / same universe as “forever in your eyes”. obviously you can read it on its own but it has some details from the other fic. another self indulgent piece… always wanted to write about period sex 😭 anyways I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea but I hope you enjoy it <3

ao3

The soft knock on your door has you groaning, struggling to roll from the spot on your couch you’d occupied for most of the time since you’d arrived home from patrol. Your mood is heavy as you wonder who would have the audacity to disturb you while you are finally in a position you are comfortable in. You’re feeling quite literally exhausted and in so much pain. You feel like your uterus has been constantly kicked in. There’s nothing more frustrating than having your period. At least it feels like it’s the most frustrating thing in the world right now.

As you take a peek in the peephole of your door you see your grumpy but soft neighbour — that is also since recently your boyfriend, standing on your front porch. The man that you’ve been in love with for months.

“Joel!” You croon excitedly as you open your door for him. Without hesitation, your arms automatically wrap around his chest and your body flings itself into his as he steps into your home.

“Good evening to you too,” He chuckles warmly at your display of affection. He dotes a soft kiss against the crown of your head, his broad body enveloping you in a tight hug as he wraps his arms around you. “You’re so cuddly tonight.” He smiles down at you as he tries to release his strong hold on you to get a better look at you. A loud whiny, wordless protest leaves your lips as he tries to let you go, complaining as he shifts away from your tight hug.

“I’m sorry, it’s that time of the month.” You mumble before borrowing your head into his chest again. He hums as your arms grip against his waist, diving under the soft fabric of his flannel, refusing to let him budge an inch away from you. “Besides, what’s wrong with hugging the man I love?”

“Nothin’ wrong with it. Just an observation.” He chuckles as his hands come to cradle your head, then pressing soft kisses to your forehead. Butterflies erupt in your tummy at his affection. Joel knows you well enough to know there’s more going on. “What’s wrong baby?”

“I hate that I can’t take a shower because the shower head is still broken and I feel dirty right now. I have been using my sister's bathroom for a week now and I hate that I always have to come disturb her.” You groan as you continue to hide your face in his chest, heat rising up in your face at your embarrassment.

“Sweetheart, look at me.” He asks softly, as he shifts his body slightly from yours. Slowly you look up into his eyes as your bottom lip pouts outwards. He chuckles as he shakes his head amusedly at your expression. His palm comes to lace over the curve of your jaw, thumb rubbing over the pouty twist of your lips. “How about this? You come to my place, use my bathroom, maybe stay the night and I’ll come fix your shower tomorrow? That way you’ll feel a bit better tonight.”

“Okay, I’d love that.” You nod slowly as you bite your bottom lip with a shy smile, loosening your grip on his body. “I do need to get some stuff first though.”

“Alright darlin’, go get everything you need. I’ll be here waiting for you.” He winks at you, making you heat up with warmth before you sprint upstairs.

—-

His arms are cradling you softly, your back pressing into him and your head falling lovingly against his chest as you’re being held in his bed. His hands shift to the front of your stomach, palm expanding to rub lovingly over your belly in an attempt to soothe your pain. Just having him with you is somehow easing the grumpiness you’d been feeling all day. The warmth and tenderness of his embrace makes you feel a lot more relaxed.

“Thank you… I’m happy that I’m here.” You advise with a timid smile as you move your head to look at him, letting him know how truly joyful you felt when he came to check up on you. “I am grateful to have you.”

“Anythin’ for my sweet girl.” He whispers before he presses soft kisses to your temple. His head tilts lower, the curve of his lips coming to rest against your ear. “I’d do anything for ya.”

His fingers slip lower, caressing your pelvis, his touch becoming a bit more intimate. Your cheeks heat up at the action, leaving you a bit flustered at his touch. Despite everything, despite the fact that you wanted to cuddle a bit before heading in the shower, the hormones are acting up. His touch feels heavenly to you.

Your hands move to grip his, interlacing your fingers together, squeezing them.

“Joel… we can’t.” You whisper, your breath hitching. You slowly turn around in his hold, looking at him bashfully. “I mean… I do want to. I just. It’s like there’s a crime scene between my legs.”

“Hmm… doesn’t mean much to me.” He mumbles before his lips move to your jaw, nipping and kissing at the skin. A whine leaves your lips as he litters your skin with his affection. “Besides, I once read somewhere that period sex often relieves the pain.”

“Really?” You whisper under your breath. You feel your body flush at the implication of his words. His hands move back towards your tummy, his thick fingers trace lightly against the hem of your jogger shorts once more. Your hips rise as a little whimper leaves your lips. Soothingly he massages your pelvis, providing you a lot of warmth and comfort.

“Really.” He murmurs as his lips move against your neck, kissing the delicate skin.

“B-but it’s gross, and it’s all bloody and—” you say, stuttering over your words as he sucks a mark onto your neck, trying to tell him that it might not be an enjoyable experience for him.

“Baby, I ain’t afraid of a little blood.” He groans as he moves his head slightly away from yours, looking into your eyes directly. “Whatever you need, I’ll give it to you.”

“You don’t think it’s gross?” You whisper timidly, you bite your bottom lip as you look at him.

He shrugs with a smile. “Why would I think it’s gross?”

“I-I don’t know. I mean it’s bloody so…”

“It’s not gross to me at all, I promise.” He smiles reassuringly before leaning down and capturing your lips in a sweet kiss. As you’re both kissing languidly, his hands are still busy tracing your lower tummy, eventually slipping underneath the band of your sweat shorts. His lips make their way down to your ear, nipping at your earlobe as you whine against him. Automatically you feel your body relax, slumping against his bed as you allow him a lot more access to the flesh of your neck. He responds by drawing his lips slowly down the expanse of your neck, sending a shiver down your spine.

The things you’d let him do to you.

“Joel,” The hitch in your breath has him chuckling, the rumble of his voice transcending through your skin.

“What?” He whispers, his words so quiet you barely hear them against the pulse of your neck. Joel could read your body like no one else — could push exactly what buttons he needed to create the reactions that he wanted from you. Your relationship is still quite new, yet he knows you so well. He waits patiently as you try to find ways to tell him what you need, his lips skimming lower towards your collarbone as his fingers caress your pelvis over your underwear.

“S-shower, please.” You finally give in with a whine, kind of admitting to him that you want this.

“Anythin’ for my baby girl.” He whispers as he kisses the soft skin of your neck. Slowly both of you move off the bed, his tall and broad frame is close to you, as he guides you towards his adjacent bathroom.

You almost trip over the doorway, a giggle leaving your lips as Joel’s arms come to wrap around you. “What are you doing sweetheart?” He chuckles as you slowly spin in his arms as laughter continues to bubble inside you before your head falls to his chest. His arms tighten their hold on you as he places a soft kiss to your forehead.

“I almost tripped,” you giggle, eyes moving towards his beautiful face, taking in his scruffy beard, eventually your eyes lead to his lips. As soon as your eyes meet again, he leans down, capturing your lips in a loving and sweet kiss.

His mouth moves, slow and passionate. Joel kisses you like he has all the time in the world. You love the feel of his lips on yours, you are certain you could kiss that man all day.

You part your lips slightly to catch your breath, inhaling slowly as you taste Joel and only him. His tongue sweeps across your lips making you whimper. The wet muscle wraps itself against yours a moment later, hot and wet and steady as he tastes your mouth and kisses you deeply.

Your tongues slowly swirl and dance against each other as your hands try to find purchase on his arms. You feel your core clench around nothing and become even more wet as both of his hands travel from your waist to your ass, squeezing it in his hands and pushing your body closer to his.

Just when you think you can’t take it anymore, Joel pulls away, giving you the possibility to breathe in some air again. You feel like you might die when he looks at you intensely as he licks his lips.

A small moan slips past your lips as his hands caress your cheek, then tilting it to the side as Joel moves his head as he traces small nips across your jawline, ending just by your ear. Your hips are softly grinding up into his and he slowly pulls away from you.

You feel drowsy and hot all over, your mind all over the place, your heart beating insanely fast. You’re breathless and Joel chuckles deeply as he takes in your state.

“You okay baby?” He says as he looks at you with amusement.

You quickly come back to your senses, grabbing the collar of his flannel, surprising him, bringing his lips down to your mouth. “I want to undress you,” you whisper against Joel’s lips as your cheeks flush with heat. He moans against your mouth as his hands grip your hips in his hands.

Automatically, your fingers reach up to begin their work undressing him, plucking each button open, one by one. They dart over the curve of his chest, your hands continue to move as you expose more of his body. By the time his shirt is fully off, you pull back from his lips, taking joy in watching the broad and the softness of his torso heaving as his breathing quickens.

Your hands continue to roam over his skin, skipping over the tanned smoothness of his muscle. His physique was broad, soft in the right places. His body was absolutely something that drew you in — he was so big and just so tall, something you enjoyed revealing in, allowing his form to spark a certain energy inside you that you felt heating up between your legs.

“Turn the shower on.” He grunts, voice low as his thick and long digits begin to hastily pry the belt buckle of his pants open. Without question, you obey, moving from his embrace to walk across the room to the shower stall. As you step away, your departure earns you a light, playful slap across your ass, to which you yelp in surprise.

“Joel!” You scold him, as you look at him shyly, looking at him backwards. His pants drop with a clang to the ground. His shirt is still half open as he lets you admire him. Your gaze moves slowly, all over his body. Eventually it falls to his dark boxers, his thick erection straining against the material.

He senses your approval, as you look at him lustfully while you appreciate him, and acts quickly. Shifting forward, his arms wrap around you, bare upper body flush against your clothed one. His arms are firm, as they surround you, hugging you against his chest.

“Why am I the only one that’s practically naked?” He questions with a low grunt. Before you can respond his hands are tugging at the hem of your shirt, peeling it over your head. Once the material drops to the floor you hear his breath hitch. He admires you, as his eyes roam over your bare chest.

You bite your lip as heat overwhelms your face. “J-joel—” You whimper loudly and before your brain can register what’s happening, Joel drags his tongue across your neck, tracing a line around your jaw before returning to the crook and lightly dragging the flesh through his teeth. You feel your core clench around nothing as he latches onto your neck, lapping at your sensitive flesh and sucking the sensitive skin.

Joel groans against you and you feel his sound vibrate through your neck and it raises goosebumps across your whole body, he has a way of bringing that electric chill through you. Slowly, his mouth moves back up to your lips, kissing you deeply.

He undresses you unhurriedly, while you both continue to kiss each other passionately. Joel seems determined to devour you whole, determined to make the most of this desperate kiss.

Once the last piece of clothing falls to the floor, he pulls away slightly as his hands caress the length of your arms, admiring your body with a lustful yet tender gaze. Silently, you pray that Joel hadn’t seen the attached thick pad, despite knowing the stark red marks of blood stood out against the white pad attached to the inside of your underwear.

“You’re so, so beautiful baby.” He says as he moves his hands to your face, cupping your cheeks, tilting your chin as his lips ghost against yours. He slowly glides his lips against yours, nudging them open. You part your lips wider, urging him to kiss you more and deep. You want to give him everything you have to offer.

You whine against his lips as you feel his hands move from your face to your waist, all the way to your ass. You pull away slowly, his pupils are dilated as he licks his lips before he squeezes the flesh of your ass in his hands.

“F-f-fuck, Joel…” you whimper as you pull yourself away from his hold completely. “We should get in…”

He stares you down hungrily for a moment before his gaze drifts to the shower. “Good idea, sweet girl.” He says cheekily.

You quickly step into the shower with one foot and reach for the shower handle, turning the shower on. Immediately, water shoots from the shower head mounted to the wall, the spray wetting your arm.

“Alright, that’s done.” You say with a joyful smile, before you feel his hands around your waist again, as he leans down to kiss your neck.

You giggle at his affection, loving the feeling of being wanted. Once the water heats up, you step into the shower completely, you sigh contentedly as the water cascades down on you, the warmth already relaxing your muscles. You turn to face the water, closing your eyes as you let it run off the back of your scalp, your hands coming up to rub over your face.

Soon, you feel the front of his body against your back. His erection presses against your lower back as you whimper against him. Joel’s hands are sliding against your hips, pulling you impossibly closer to his body. You can feel your breath growing shaky as you respond to his movements, turning your body around in his embrace. Your arms encircling his back, your body leaning towards his.

His eyes catch your gaze before they close, as he moves you backwards as the spray of water falls on him. Almost instantly, his broad body is glistening wet, his hair getting soaked against his head. His arms are strong and thick as he reaches up to slick it back. The gentle movement of him flexing his forearm ignites a surge of pleasure jolting through your core. He moves his hands back to your hips, holding you closer as he opens his eyes unhurriedly.

Your arms automatically wrap around Joel again, his wet skin warm and inviting as your body slicks against his. You lean up, your lips moving towards his own.

He gladly meets your lips halfway, as you’re standing on the tip of your toes. Joel kisses you slowly, teasingly, like he has all the time in the world, his hands squeezing your hips, pressing his own hips against yours as he finally deepens the kiss. You gasp as his hands knead your ass, giving him the opportunity to slide his tongue inside your mouth.

“You’re truly the most beautiful girl I've ever seen.” Joel murmurs against your lips. His own lips become more and more eager as he backs you slowly against the shower wall. You hiss slightly as the cold wall hits your back but the uneasiness is short lived as Joel tucks his face into your neck, his lips pressing soft open mouthed kisses below your ear. “The woman of my dreams.”

“Joel…” You mewl as he shifts his hips back slightly, causing his throbbing cock to move from its position of pressing hard against your lower stomach. He bends his knees slightly, bringing him down a bit as his tip slides against your thighs, prodding its way between them before travelling upwards to rub enticingly against your clit.

He rolls his hips forward, nudging the head against your entrance, turning you into a whimpering mess. You feel yourself clenching around nothing as your pussy begs for attention. Glancing down, you see a smeared streak of red down half of his shaft. It is so wet and red. If Joel had seen it he doesn’t seem to care. Joel reaches up to grasp the detachable shower head. His free hand runs down your body, as he caresses your soft skin.

Joel’s hand brings the shower head between your legs, standing back slightly as the water sprays from your pussy, as a rusty brown river flows towards the drain. The warmth of the water as the sprays hit against your core feel so good, it has you whining at the pleasure. It stimulates your sensitive pussy so well. You lean into him, his broad frame envelopes you instantly in a tender embrace. One of his forearms remains steady between your thighs, as the water pulses against you.

His lips meet yours in a heated kiss. You feel so overwhelmed, your heart hammering against your chest as you roll your hips against the strong pulses. You moan as he slowly moves his head to kiss and nip at your jaw.

His eyelids hang low as he watches you, his eyes concentrated on each roll of your hips, each grind of your pussy against the stream. Your body trembles the closer he moves the shower head against you, feeling so close to your release, you try to move your hips along with it more. You’re a whimpering mess for him against the cold tile wall. One of his hands dig in your hips, guiding your body the second he notices you slowing down. Turning the shower stream setting to another, harder setting, as he moves it against your dripping centre, specifically your sensitive clit, does it — makes you double over as you cum.

Your head leans against his chest, as you try to catch your breath and try to tone down your little noises of pleasure while you slow down your movements against the water pulses. One of his hands slides over your back as his arm pulls you closer against him while he pulls the shower head back with the other.

“You did so well for me baby girl.” He whispers against your skin as he presses a soft kiss against your forehead. The water flows back against your bodies, as you both stand underneath the stream. His mouth moves from your forehead down to your lips. The kiss starts off gentle and tender, but soon evolves into something more passionate and deep. He brings your body impossibly closer to his, and you can’t seem to quite catch your breath.

You open your mouth to swipe your wet muscle against his lips, Joel’s lips slowly opening up for you to slip your tongue inside. Your tongues dance against each other slowly, his taste is so delicious, making you whine against his lips.

His hands travel from your back, all the way down to your waist, his hands occasionally squeezing your flesh. One of his hands slips all the way down to your wet heat in between your legs, while the other is holding your body close to his. All the while he’s kissing you deeply. You whimper when his fingers pass by your sensitive bundle of nerves.

His fingers slide up and down your slit, slowly spreading your outer lips for him to slip two of his fingers inside you. You cry out as he rubs his fingers against your walls. You feel your body trembling and you try to grind your pussy slowly against his fingers. He presses his palm against your clit as he gradually picks up the pace of his hand.

Your legs almost give out on you at the pressure against your clit combined with his fingers playing with your sensitive spot inside. You’re a mess of his name, you chant his name over and over again. Eyes are squeezing shut to the point of tears as you continue to grind and buck your hips against his hand. He steadies you with his other hand as he smiles against your lips. He swirls his tongue against yours as you mewl against his mouth. Your thighs tremble so hard as your noises start to become more high pitched. You feel quite literally so dizzy as he keeps pleasuring you under the warm stream.

“Come on kitten, come for me.” He groans against your mouth.

You slowly open your eyes, meeting his playful eyes as you pull your mouth from his to cry out loud as your hips stutter against his hand as you come undone. You tighten and untighten around his fingers as you ride out your high. After a while he slips his fingers out of you, chuckling lightly while you whine as you slump against his body. Both of his hands catch your body and he smiles softly down at you.

“Always doin’ so good for me. Such a good girl.” He whispers as his mouth moves to kiss your neck. He peppers and licks your skin as you continue to tremble against him.

“P-please Joel… need you so bad.” You whimper desperately, needing him so badly to just take you. To enter your tight pussy with his thick and long cock. You whine as his lips move to yours, catching your lips in a scorching kiss, the loss of him leaving you empty and craving.

Joel lifts one of your legs up, hiking it up around his hips as he keeps you close. A gasp leaves your lips and you move to press your forehead against his as you breathe heavily. The other hand moves to slip his length against your wet heat. You tremble and whine as you anticipate his next move.

“Ah, Joel… I love you.” Your lips embrace him once again, kissing him deeply. As your hips shift desperately forward, driven by your need to have him enter you, they roll directly against his tip as he slips the head of his cock finally inside your little pussy. You let out a long broken whine as he continues to push gradually more of him inside you. Your walls try to accommodate his girth as he moves deeper inside your tight, wet walls.

“Fuck, I love you too sweetheart.” He groans softly.

Once he’s fully inside you, you whimper against his lips. It feels so good, the feel of the fullness of his member, his raw and throbbing cock deep within your walls. You feel one of his hands finding one of your hands, lacing them with yours and he presses it against the wall as the other one holds your leg, keeping it secure around his hip.

“You okay?” He whispers as he checks up on you.

You smile as you nod, “Y-yeah, just give me a moment.”

“Anythin’ for you baby girl.” He leans up to kiss your forehead as your eyes drift close.

You feel yourself slowly adjusting to his size, your pussy still pulsing around his cock. You bite your lip as you continue to squeeze around him, your eyes slide open unhurriedly meeting his intense gaze.

“Please, p-please move.” You whine out pathetically.

He nods quietly and starts by fucking you slow and deep. His hips drive forward, moving through you before drawing his tip out completely. He repeats himself, so slowly, and with intention. It feels as if he is taking his time to enjoy the sensation.

He grunts as he drops his head to your ear to kiss and lick at the sensitive skin there and to whisper sweet nothings as he sets a pace.

“More, more—” You mumble, whining and he makes a loud noise — a noise somewhere between pained, and desperate, he only nods before he picks up the pace, the pressure building between your hips once again.

You hug him against your body as his both arms come to brace himself against the cold tile wall. The sound of skin slapping against wet skin, his hips hitting yours coupled with both your quiet moans and the wet squelching of him moving hard and fast inside you, echoing off the tile walls with the sound of the running water — has your cheeks heating up furiously.

He fills you up so perfectly, stretching your tight wet hole so well, he feels like pure heaven.

“Fuck, kitten you feel so good…” He breathes heavily, grunting here and there as he continues to fuck you harder. A particular hard thrust coupled with one of his fingers moving to press against your little nub has you gasping for air. The presence of his thumb flickers over the sensitive bundle of nerves, swollen and juicy with your arousal.

You whine as you feel the leg that’s hiked up around his hip, sliding off his body. Your fingers dig in the skin of his back making him groan. He quickly moves his hand to grab your leg again, keeping it in place as he picks up his pace once again.

“Fuck, I’ll never get used to fucking this sweet little pussy of yours. All raw.” He grunts as he moves his hips with deep and fast strokes. “All mine.”

Your pussy continues to clench repeatedly around his thickness, begging for him to fill you up with his cum. You whimper, whine and moan against him while your body trembles, his fingers still circling your clit with his other hand as he hums against your mouth.

“I can feel you milking my cock, baby girl. Begging for me to make us cum.” Joel’s hips stutter slightly as you clench particularly hard around him, feeling every ridge and vein. His intense gaze is on you as he moans loudly. “Your pussy is so wet, feels so fuckin’ good.”

“J-Joel, baby, want to cum so bad.” You beg as you whine against him, your nails digging in the skin of his back once again. “I want you to cum inside me so bad.”

“Cum for me, my pretty baby. Show me that I’m the only one who can make you cum like this. Cum all over me, sweet girl.” He whispers with a groan as his fingers apply more pressure on your clit.

“Fuuuuck, Joooeel—” You come with a loud cry, your body squirming against his as you hold his body closer to yours, your nails digging in his back, scratching it. This orgasm feels more intense than the others, feeling so overwhelmed by the pleasure you’re feeling.

It takes only a few more seconds — his pace increasing, the sound of skin slamming against skin filling the room, the room and him smelling like pure sex. As he stutters, hips shifting erratically into you, you feel the first hot spurt of his cum bursting into you, painting your inner walls. You look up as Joel looks completely fucked out as he continues to cum inside you. Your walls squeeze hard around him as pleasure continues to course through you, milking every last drop of his cum.

You feel both of your bodies slump against one another, as one of his arms moves to support himself against the wall while his other hand is still holding your leg up around his hip.

Eventually, as both of you are able to catch your breaths, he slowly moves to put your trembling leg back down after pulling out of you gently. You whine at the loss and he chuckles lightly at your reaction. As soon as he’s completely out of you, the sticky liquid begins to dribble out of you, creamy and thick oozing out of your heat. Joel supports your shaking body as he wraps his arms around you, embracing you tenderly.

“Fuck, baby… that was amazing.” You whisper as he presses kisses against the crown of your head.

“You know I’d do anythin’ for you darlin’. Besides, I loved it just as much.” He winks, looking at you as he moves his body away from yours slightly.

Once both of you are cleaned up, you both head downstairs in comfortable clothing. Joel moves to the kitchen, making your favourite meal to make you even more relaxed. You sigh happily as you lean the front of your body against his back, wrapping your arms around him. He hums softly as you embrace him, appreciating your affection.

“Thank you.” You mumble against his shirt.

“Anytime sweetheart.”

For a while, you stay like this, enjoying each other’s warmth and company as he makes dinner. Feeling so loved and at home. You’ll never get tired of loving Joel.

#joel miller #joel miller smut #joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x plus size reader #tlou fanfiction #pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal characters #tlou x you #tlou x reader #joel miller fanfiction #my writing

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sapphic-gardn · 9 months

Text

Willow | joel miller x f!reader | pt. 2

part 1

Summary: Patrol with Joel is proving to be more difficult than you originally anticipated. Joel says some things he regrets.

(no use of y/n)

Warnings (18+ mdni): mentions of loss/grief, weapons/violence, swearing, age gap (reader is 23, Joel is in his 50s), angst, one-sided pining, no physical description of reader, will specify with each chapter

Word Count: 2.9k

a/n: hiiii! this is the second part to my joel miller fic and wowza i am so excited to share!!! all the love on part one is surreal. i can’t believe people are enjoying my writing—it’s insane to me. i love you ALL so much. i also love all my moots who have welcomed me with open arms into this lil community. happy reading! let me know your thoughts!!!! 💓

credit to @cafekitsune for the cutie divider <3

During the first week of patrol with Joel, you found yourself questioning why you harbored a crush for the man in the first place. He barely spoke, and when he did, it was to scrutinize you. It was an exhausting game of who could hurt the other one more.

When the second week of patrol rolled around, you were determined to evade conflict. The morning played out as usual—a short greeting at the stables and mumbled groans from Joel. The ride out was wordless yet tranquil. Until…

You came to a halt at an abandoned cabin, one you both had passed on patrols before, because something caught your eye. You dismounted your horse and tied her to a tree nearby. Joel got wind of your sudden detour and scoffed.

“What’re you doin’?” Joel’s voice cut through the silence and you quickly signaled to him to stay quiet with a finger to your lips. He reluctantly followed suit and sauntered behind you after securing his horse.

What had captured your attention was the door to the cabin. In passing on every patrol, you noted that the little wooden building and its worn door had been closed—the door was always closed. However, today the door was open. Wide open. A portal to another realm it seemed. Ominous as the darkness beyond it taunted you.

Come and get me.

A challenge presented to you in the form of danger. The windows were boarded up, the only light inside of the cabin coming from the spaces between the wood. You moved swiftly around the perimeter, peeking in the slits before wandering beyond the threshold. With your gun and flashlight at the ready, you skulked through the first room on your right. Clear. As you made your way to the second room, you misjudged your step and tripped on a splintered floorboard. You caught yourself before you could fall but regained your footing with a loud thud.

Click. Click. Click. Click.

Your body froze in place. Instantaneously, a blood curdling screech emerged from right behind you. Before you could think, you spun around and fired two bullets into the clicker’s skull. Shit. You scolded yourself. Your mind was going a hundred miles a minute and you couldn’t decipher your surroundings. You lowered your trembling hand that held the gun and looked down at the thing that once was a person. Blood was pooling under your feet and you concluded that the infected man must have been bitten recently. He must’ve broken into the cabin to isolate and wait for his demise. Your stomach sank as you imagined what the man’s life might have looked like before he was bitten. Another casualty amid a monstrous war.

Joel quickly emerged in the doorway, interrupting your spiraling thoughts. Sheer panic washed over his face. “Coulda gotten yourself killed! Gonna get us both killed with the sound’a that goddamn gun!”

With that, Joel hastily made his way to you, grabbed your upper arm, and guided you out of the cabin to the tree where your horses were stationed. You broke free from his firm grip and mounted your horse promptly, still feeling the burn of his touch under your sleeve in the minutes that followed.

Once you both retreated to a safe distance you decided to swallow your pride and apologize, “I-I’m sorry. I should’ve grabbed my knife. I-I should’ve—I was—“

“Damn right you should’ve. Meant what I said when I called you a little girl. That’s exactly what you are. Never thinkin’ before doin’. Think you’re so tough goin’ into that cabin by yourself? Not tellin’ me what the fuck you were up to?” Joel’s voice rumbled with a deep anger that made you shiver. He was fuming, but his tone held a note of worry. Was he scared? Was Joel Miller afraid of losing you? It didn’t matter. His words were a stark contrast to the sentiment.

“Fuck. You.” Those were the only words you could conjure up because…he was right. Of course he was right, but you refused to give him the satisfaction of succumbing to his cruelty. You squeezed the sides of your horse and sped up ahead of Joel from your place beside him. With your back facing Joel, tears rimmed your waterline and flowed freely down your cheeks. The salty taste of tears bleeding onto your lips brought you back to the moment Maria found you, vulnerable and tremulous.

Growing up during an apocalypse rendered the gift of resilience. The way you saw it, words were nothing but sound waves mingling with air as they escaped a bodily vessel. Harsh words deflected off of you like a bullet to fiberglass. But Joel knew exactly how to penetrate that protective shield you so carefully curated.

Before life in Jackson, you had always felt inferior. Viewed as a damsel in distress by the men in your life. But you were so far from it, gathering the courage to leave the Seattle QZ at sixteen to find your parents who disappeared on a smuggling job. Surviving on your own for two years and teaching yourself how to be self-sufficient. You quickly picked up on how to use weapons as well as raid buildings without getting caught (not your best moments). Independence came easily to you and you would be damned if you let some old grump tell you otherwise. Clearly, all he saw in you was a naive little girl.

You return to the stables before Joel. He makes his way in just as you turn to leave. In passing, you glare into Joel’s eyes and hastily shove him with your shoulder on your way out. You’re pretty sure he notices the redness around your eyes from crying. You can see a glint in his eyes that exhibits a look of sorrow. Even if he is sorry, he can’t take it back. He can’t take back the feeling of sheer humiliation that is seeping into your bones. He can’t take it back.

You traipse through the town center, in no rush to get home and sit alone with the voice of doubt in your ear. The smell of pine invades your olfactory senses and the string lights twinkle above you like stars in the night sky. It reminds you of Christmas, before the world ended, sitting criss cross in front of a fireplace with a steaming cup of hot cocoa. And your parents are there. They would buy every toy on your Christmas list just to see you beam up at them and wiggle with glee. You miss them, you never got closure when they vanished. You didn’t find them, you have no knowledge of how they died—or if they even died. You can’t help but wonder if they left you on purpose. You caused trouble in the QZ—always trying to prove a point to someone in authority. Getting kicked out of FEDRA school was the last straw for them, they barely acknowledged your existence after that. But of course you still loved them, they were your parents. You still love them, they are your parents. They were good people before it all, before they became desperate.

The sound of your own sniffle pulls you back to the present. You find yourself on a bench, staring mindlessly at a family of three.

“Hey, you alright?”

A brown haired girl emerges in front of you. She has a look of sympathy painted on her features, yet she speaks so casually. She follows your eye-line to the family in the distance. You recognize her. She is the young girl who is attached at the hip with Joel. Apparently she isn’t his daughter, but technically she is, given what they’ve been through together…Tommy made it all too confusing when he explained it to you.

“I’m okay, yeah, I’m alright. Thanks.” You dismiss the loaded question with a wave of your hand. When your eyes meet hers, your features soften and you see a tinge of something behind her brown eyes. Maybe it’s hurt, or fear, she seems guarded, similar to yourself at that age.

“I’m Ellie,” She eagerly extends her hand and you take it in a firm handshake. You introduce yourself and make room on the bench beside you. She reluctantly takes the spot and sighs, the shape of her breath visible against the contrasting cold air. The first few minutes are silent, neither one of you are keen on breaking the calm air that surrounds you.

“So,” Ellie finally breaks the silence, “rough day, huh?”

You snort, a small smile emerging on your lips, “I guess you could say that. What about you? Aren’t kids your age usually running around the commune finding trouble?” You look at her out of the corner of your eye when she giggles.

“Not much to do around this boring ass place. Plus, my best friend is hanging out with some dude I fucking hate. Count me out on that third wheeling bullshit.” Her vulgarity takes you by surprise, but you find it quite funny.

After awhile, you two fall into easy conversation. She asks you so many questions…so many. It almost feels like an interrogation but you know she’s just curious. It’s endearing, the way she perks up when you answer her questions about life before the apocalypse. You were young, so you barely remember anything, every memory is coated in black and white hues, lacking details, nonetheless, she holds onto every word.

The sun is mostly gone from the sky, which is your cue to start walking home. You and Ellie decide to make the trek back to your neighboring houses together, still entwined in your storytelling the whole way there.

You arrive at your gate and bid your farewells to Ellie with a small wave and a promise to her that she can come over whenever she feels like it.

“He talks about you, you know…Joel. He asks Tommy way too many fucking questions about you too.” Ellie’s words bounce around in your brain and leave you short-circuited. That’s the second time today you’ve been rendered speechless. First by Joel and then by his (kinda) daughter. Ellie reads the dumbfounded expression on your face and sighs, “I just—I know he’s a fucking pain in the ass, but I think he cares about you. Sure as hell doesn’t ask questions about anyone else in this fuckin’ place,” she stares at the ground before she speaks up again, “Uh…look…I-I didn’t mean to trip you up or anything…uh…I’m gonna head home now. I’ll come by tomorrow? Yeah. See you then.” With that, Ellie’s ramble ends and she swiftly makes her escape to her home. The home she shares with Joel. Joel, the man who cares about you? The thought actually makes you laugh out loud.

Joel’s best trait is hurting people. He reads you like a book, he pinpoints every insecurity you harbor, and uses it to push, push, push your buttons. The stone cold exterior you display is merely translucent to someone like Joel. He’s seen it before, every time he looks in the damn mirror. He feels drawn to you, a moth to a flame. If he gets too close, he might get burned. What happens when you set his heart aflame? Maybe you already have.

The front door opens and closes and Joel hears Ellie padding her way to the kitchen where he sits at the table, nursing a tumbler of whiskey. Ellie plops down on the chair across from him.

“What’s got you in such a bad mood today, old man?” Ellie leans over the table and playfully nudges Joel with her fist.

“Not right now, kid. Don’t feel like jokin’ around,” Joel’s eyes flicker to Ellie’s for a moment before refocusing on the amber liquid in his glass.

Ellie throws her hands up in surrender, “Alright dude, just don’t drink yourself to death—that shit would be far more embarrassing than a clicker getting your ass.” She lightheartedly laughs and leaves the kitchen with a pat on Joel’s shoulder, exiting through the back door to her makeshift bungalow in the yard.

Joel figured that a few whiskeys in, the tight feeling in his chest might loosen up. But he’s five glasses in and he can’t stop picturing you. The inconsolable expression on your face as you left the stables haunts him every time he closes his eyes.

His mind takes him to the moment he met you. You were crouching over a patch of vegetables—carrots, maybe? Your bottom lip was caught between your teeth and your brows were furrowed in concentration. When Tommy called your name and you looked up, Joel felt the wind get knocked out of his lungs. You were…angelic. Smeared dirt covered your forehead, and beads of sweat gathered at your hairline. Even in your unkempt state, your allure was ever so present. Joel couldn’t bring himself to look at you, even as you reached a hand out to introduce yourself. Then, your witty remark. Something inside of him shifted in that moment and he knew he had to leave. A young, bright woman like you wouldn’t want anything to do with an old, damaged man like Joel. So he did what he does best, he pushed you away, created a distance so you would learn to hate him.

Joel’s outburst on patrol earlier today took it too far. He knows that—but he was terrified that something might’ve happened to you. When he saw you, standing in that abandoned cabin, shock dripping from your expression, with a lifeless clicker on the floor below you, he became angry. Angry that you would be so careless. Angry that you didn’t ask for help. Angry that he cared about you so damn much even when he tried his hardest not to.

On his sixth whiskey, Joel curses to himself as he meanders to his front door. His brain is devoid of all thoughts that don’t include you. Your smile, he wants to make you smile. He wants to be reason you smile, not the reason you cry. He twists the doorknob and forces himself out onto the front porch. Your lights are on. It’s late, why are you still awake? Thank god you’re still awake.

His steps are calculated when he saunters up your walkway. He hesitates, his fist is hovering over your front door. He lightly knocks on the thick wood, but regrets it immediately and turns on his heel to leave. With his back facing away, he hears the click of a lock unlatch and a sliver of light emanating from your open door casts a warm glow on the porch.

“Joel? What are you doing here? Do you need something?” Your voice is barely above a whisper. With the sweet sound of his name spilling from your lips, he turns to face you. The door is now fully open and you are leaning against the door frame. The light coming from inside the house outlines your figure like an angel descending from heaven.

He clears his throat, “‘M sorry, darlin’, is nothing. Get some rest.” Despite his words, he makes no move to leave. You step out from the threshold and lessen the distance between the two of you. Joel searches your eyes, looking for a hint of something, anything that isn’t pure hatred. All he finds is affliction.

You scoff, “C’mon, just spit it out already. I ain’t waitin’ all damn day,” you echo his words from the morning of your first patrol together. Joel notices and he chuckles before regaining his composure.

“‘M sorry. I wanted to come over here and tell ya that. I was fuckin’ scared shitless. I didn’t mean a word I said back there. I trust that y’can hold your own.” Joel’s words catch you off guard. You stutter, all coherent words evade you and your bottom lip starts to tremble. You quickly avert your gaze to hide the imminent tears pooling at your waterline.

You sniffle, “Thanks, Joel. That was probably hard for you, apologizing and all. You can go home now, I forgive you. Just forget it ever happened, m’kay?” You sound defeated and it fractures something within Joel.

He takes your chin between his thumb and forefinger, “Hey. Look at me,” you meet his gaze and simply melt. The tears fall freely down your cheeks and a small gasp escapes you, “I’m sorry. You don’t gotta let me off the hook, I jus’ gotta tell you ‘m sorry.”

Suddenly, you become hyper-aware of the situation. Mere inches separate you and Joel. He is studying your face, so close you can smell the whiskey on his breath. A mixture of lust and hate stirs somewhere within your lower belly.

“Okay,” is the only word you can conjure up. It’s a whisper, barely audible. Joel’s hand cradles your cheek and he swipes a tear away with his thumb. His eyes flicker between your lips and your bewildered gaze. His breath hitches, seeing your beauty up close is otherworldly. He feels himself leaning in, closer, closer, closer. He is a hairbreadth away from grazing your lips when you turn your head. Your buttery voice dances through the air, “Please, Joel. Just go home. I can’t do this right now.”

You turn on your heel and slink back into your house, before closing the door, you breathe a weak, “Goodnight, Joel.”

You don’t know if he says it back.

a/n: ty for reading. ilysm <3 i hope this part lives up to the last one :,) i am so nervy to post this EEEEEK!!

taglist: @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @alejaa-a @cool-iguana @littleshadow17 @planet-marz1 @alyhull @joeldjarin @lizzyervs @casa-boiardi @loveisacowboyyy @thegrlwholivedd @ashleymsnodgrass @ilovepedro @dilfspitdrinker @bastardmandennis @breakfastatjoels @gracieheartspedro @chaotic-mystery

#joel miller fic #joel miller x reader #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x female reader #joel miller the last of us #joel miller #joel miller x you #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller apologist #jenispunk

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jeanbie · 1 year

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𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ★ ATTACK ON TITAN Last Updated: 17th April, 2024

genres: ♥︎ sexual or mature content

⏤⏤ 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒 ★

☆ lovely [ jean x reader ] ↳ jean and y/n being a domestic couple

warnings: suggestive content, non-graphic material | status: discontinued/complete

ch1. 7am ch2. den of monsters ch3. pancakes

☆ wordless [ levi x reader ] ♥︎ ↳ sometimes, saying “I love you” is inappropriate, and given your circumstances, you think it might send levi over the edge if he hears them again

genre: sugar-daddy/contract killer au | warnings: mature content, sexual themes, depictions of violence, gore, blood, gang themes, gun violence, knife violence, cheating | status: complete

ch1. 10 ways to say i love you without really saying it ch2. 20 ways to say it... ch3. 30 ways to say it... ch4. 40 ways to say it... ch5. 50 ways to say it (and two ways to make things right)

☆ ways to say i love you [ multiple characters x reader ] ↳ imagine the many ways they say "i love you".

warnings: angst series, character death, violence, heartbreak, suggestive and mature themes (see individual chapters) | status: complete

ch1. erwin ch2. zeke ♥︎ ch3. armin ch4. jean ch5. levi ch6. reiner ch7. porco

☆ qpids [ jean x reader x multiple aot ]♥︎ ↳ jean and his girlfriend make porn for a living, and they love their fans almost as much as they love eachother.

warnings: afab!reader, explicit sexual content, porn couple!au, see multiple fic warnings | status: ongoing (2/?)

ch1. lessons in love ⏤ jean x reader x eren ch2. lana ⏤ jean x reader x armin ch3. 777 ⏤ jean x reader x mikasa ch4. pretty girls make graves ⏤ jean x reader x levi x eren ch5. into twilight ⏤ jean x reader x eren

⏤⏤ 𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐒 ★

⏤ eren

☆ lessons in love ; the sight of his shit-eating grin leaves eren with a prickle of hot frustration that hurts when the video rolls to an end, with no flashy end credits or promotion. just a black screen with his own idiot reflection staring back at him ♥︎ ☆ moonlight in your hands ; i never knew you could hold moonlight in your hands ☆ everything looks different (now that i see you) ; to be betrothed to eren is not only a great business advantage for your families, but a great honour for yourself. to be betrothed to eren, and one day bound to him, would be your greatest glory. ☆ if i lay here (would you lie with me?) ; eren has had enough - it's been four months since he's last seen you, and he's not going to let his fame status keep him from seeing you any longer. he just hopes that you feel the same way when you see him again. ☆ dancer in the dark ; eren hasn't found anybody who makes him feel as good as the drugs and alcohol do, but all of that changes when he stops by levi's music shop and meets you behind the counter. ♥︎

⏤ jean

☆ lessons in love ; the sight of his shit-eating grin leaves eren with a prickle of hot frustration that hurts when the video rolls to an end, with no flashy end credits or promotion. just a black screen with his own idiot reflection staring back at him ♥︎ ☆ lana ; this position is particularly ambiguous; your face is almost gone, only slightly in frame, with the lens zoomed further in to your ass and jean’s thighs, his ass there but moving as he leans for the lube across the bed. if he wanted, armin could pretend the figure beneath jean was a boy- could be him, if he wanted. he does not want ♥︎

⏤ armin

☆ lana ; this position is particularly ambiguous; your face is almost gone, only slightly in frame, with the lens zoomed further in to your ass and jean’s thighs, his ass there but moving as he leans for the lube across the bed. if he wanted, armin could pretend the figure beneath jean was a boy- could be him, if he wanted. he does not want ♥︎

⏤ levi

☆ fireflowers ; “good day?” you ask, pulling back from his neck with your arms still around him. levi settles his hands just below your ribs and looks at you, sweetly pressing a kiss to your mouth. he doesn’t pull away too far, your hands threading in the hair above the back of his neck. “better now.” ☆ sweet unwind ; when levi's not working, he likes to take things slow, and as of late, he's found that baking desserts is an excellent way to unwind. yesterday, he made a beautifully sweet strawberry drizzled cake with cream. on today's menu, his personal favourite: cream pie ♥︎ ☆ higher than heaven ; levi wants to be mad that his neighbour keeps screwing guys really loudly. but how can he be mad when she's just so goddamn pretty? ♥︎

⏤ yelena

☆ love game ; yeah. yelena didn’t really know what to say to ymir when she showed up to one of the meet-ups with the most gorgeous girl she had ever seen. in her silence, zeke made the most of the words he knew. 'normally yelena’s such a bitch, but notice how she’s suddenly silent now a fit girl’s here?' what can she say? she has eyes ☆ silver bullet ; yelena has only ever seen you at your best, and what she thought could have been your worst back on paradis. nothing could have prepared her for ever seeing you this way, bleeding out, gasping at every touch ☆ love and war ; yelena wanted nothing more but to warn you of what was to come, even better to hide you from it, but in doing so would mean running the risk of everything they’ve all worked so hard to set in motion coming crashing down

⏤ connie

☆ ghostface ; you've got no idea who dressed up as ghostface to eren's halloween party, but damn, do they fuck nice ♥︎ ☆ prescott ; after halloween, you've been trying your hardest to avoid being near connie springer, but a little bit of alcohol on porco's birthday is all it takes for you to find yourself back in his arms ♥︎

⏤ all characters / multi

☆ acts of love ; as long as you’ve got a good group of friends, anything is possible. thankfully, you’ve got the best group you could ever ask for ☆ unorthodox ; nobody knew hange zoe had a sibling, and it was more shocking to discover that you are exactly like them.

⏤⏤ 𝐀𝐔𝐒 ★

THE twitch streamer au

☆ eren is yeagerbomb ☆ mikasa is mikasa ☆ armin is artlerto ☆ jean is kirstein ☆ sasha is sashabun ☆ connie is romconnie ☆ sasha & connie are springles

THE hogwarts/harry potter au

☆ attack on titan characters & their hogwarts houses

THE firefighter eren au

☆ ...and how much you love when he comes home in his uniform

⏤⏤ 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒 ★

⏤ all characters

☆ ...as best friends ☆ ...and how they act during zoom classes ☆ ...and their icks ☆ ...as specific things that i love ☆ ...and helping a lost child ☆ ...but they're actors ☆ ...and cats ☆ ...and how they act during the zombie apocalypse ☆ ...having a new years party ☆ ...going to the club ☆ ...aot boys and having a partner who likes their muscles/seeing them flex ☆ ...and their favourite sex positions (aot boys) ♥︎ ☆ ...and their lockscreens

⏤ eren

☆ ...comforting you when you're upset ☆ modern day headcanons ☆ ...and valentine's day ☆ nsfw alphabet ♥︎

⏤ mikasa

☆ ...comforting you when you're upset ☆ modern day headcanons ☆ ...and valentine's day

⏤ armin

☆ ...comforting you when you're upset ☆ ...and valentine's day

⏤ levi

☆ modern day headcanons ☆ dating headcanons ☆ nsfw alphabet ♥︎ ☆ ...and how he acts with his pregnant partner

⏤ zeke

☆ nsfw alphabet ♥︎

⏤ yelena

☆ ...comforting you when you're upset ☆ nsfw alphabet ♥︎ ☆ modern day nsfw alphabet ♥︎

⏤ annie

☆ modern day headcanons

⏤ porco

☆ modern day teen headcanons ☆ modern day teen headcanons pt. 2

⏤ sasha

☆ sasha and connie headcanons

⏤ connie

☆ connie and sasha headcanons ☆ modern day headcanons

⏤⏤ 𝐃𝐑𝐀𝐁𝐁𝐋𝐄𝐒 ★

101 days of creative writing [ multiple pairings ] status: inconsistent updates

genre: multiple | warnings: see individual fics for warnings, character on character pairings, no reader, not all pairings are romantic

1. murder on the train [ jean + erwin ] 2. four seasons [ eren x armin ] 3. unrecognisable [ jean x sasha ] 4. starting at the end [ eren x mikasa ] 5. at the museum [ sasha x levi ] 6. the suitcase [ jean + levi ] 7. shorebird song [ armin x annie ] 8. the bridge [ eren x armin ]

⏤⏤ 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐂 ★

☆ modern day eren aesthetic ☆ modern day mikasa aesthetic

#🗞 masterlist #attack on titan #aot #snk #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan imagine #aot imagine #aot fanfic #aot masterlist #ittojean #magunes #jeanbie

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