#*I never want to talk to [x] again! >:((((( * | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jenevas · 7 months

Text

Save Faerun later. Karlach now

#bg3 #karlach #tav #bg3 fanart #karlach x tav #my art #i never want to look at a back again those things have too many muscles were talking at least 5

3K notes · View notes

toasteaa · 29 days

Text

Suddenly struck with the thought of my faves twirling my hair around their fingers and I'm so deeply unwell about it!!!

Diluc getting distracted by a single free curl and trying to tuck it away, only to find himself even more distracted when the ends curl around the tip of his finger. How ardently he resists the urge to untuck it and give it a little tug, just to see it bounce back into a spiral when he lets it go again.

Kaeya giving a curl that somehow escaped its siblings wrapped up in a bun, a teasing pull and snickering when you swat at his hand lightly. Only to come back when you're focused on your work to continuously wind and unwind the hair around his fingers fondly.

Zhongli marveling at the way the sun catches each looping curl; lining them in what he believes is the finest gold that he's ever seen. Tenacious as stone when holding their shape, yet softer than down spun from clouds in his hands; he relishes in the way each curl he toys with loses it shape for only a moment before bouncing back the same as ever.

Xiao's familiar and signature wary gaze turning into one of shock and curiosity when he gives a ringlet a cautious tug, and it give a soft spring back into its original shape. He's too unsure of himself to do much more, but often finds himself passively toying with a curl or two whenever you're near.

Cyno running oiled fingers throughout your curls, helping you apply a protectant that will keep most of the heat and humidity of the forests at bay. Separating each curl so carefully, like you've taught him before; giving a satisfactory huff when his, "you should really call these 'cutie-cles'" joke makes you sigh, but the quivering of your shoulders and the light sway of your curls tells him that you're holding back your laugh.

Kaveh struck with a sudden stroke of genius and dashing to his drafts after spending the past thirty minutes mindlessly curling your ringlets on his fingers. A month later, you find pillars in his latest work with that same, familiar pattern as the ringlets he always toys with.

Neuvillette enamored with the image of you allowing a curl to coil about your fingers while you think. His hands itch to reach out and curl it himself, but he shows restraint in this public space. Perhaps in the privacy of his own quarters, you'll let him feel those ringlets curling around his fingers again.

Wriothesley, so familiar with the rigidity and gruffness of Meropide, finding a moment of solace when he gets the chance to bury his face in your curls. Always holding you as close as possible when you lay against his chest, just so he can see each coil spring back into place after he's stretched it out. Like a little calming ritual just for him.

Just! Just!!!!!! Play with my hair pleaseeee 🥺💕🙏🏾

613 notes · View notes

lolottes · 5 months

Text

Ida is Constantine's good ex.

They separated on good terms after a few months because Ida wanted to start a family and not Constantine (for obvious reasons). Then, despite Ida's efforts to keep in touch as a long-distance friend, she quickly no longer received any news from him.

So when she sees him barely older and seeming lost in his town… she takes him for a ghost who has retained a very human appearance. She rushes to him because she is surely not the only one to notice the presence of a “tourist” in town.

She takes a minute to pity him and apologize. He hadn't ignored him, he was dead!!! Then start explaining to him why as a ghost it's not safe for him here even though it's very nice of him to visit <3

Constantine had not informed Ida about magic, after all it was one of his exes from before his cancer (a little near the time when he stopped responding to her) and his first triple sale of soul for escape death. But he knows Ida well enough not to contradict her. In addition, she gives him all the information in flash notes that he is looking for.

…

Okay, he also missed Ida. It felt SO strange to see her old. But she apparently hadn't lost anything from a mental point of view

This is how Constantine was invited to have tea and catch up on lost time at Ida's in addition to having a more complete debrief of the Amity Park situation

#dpxdc #dcxdp #dc x dp #dp x dc #dp x dc crossover #dc x dp crossover #ida manson #john constantine #amity park #I didn't write it but I'm not sure that Ida would be against going to bed with a ghost #after that I'm not sure on Constantine's side #Constantine doesn't have the heart to tell Ida that he was alive all the time #but that he had been so caught up in the magic tricks to dodge his cancer that he had completely skipped it #and even after n 'never thought about contacting her again #even though she's one of if not the friendliest ex of all.#if he had done it or at least talked to her about magic and his survival #maybe she would have contacted him before the situation got to this point #seriously there is a government agency that wants to start a dimensional war and a couple mad scientists far too intelligent for the good #ida becoming a JLD contact? more likely than you think #my #my prompts #prompt

758 notes · View notes

starry-bi-sky · 3 months

Text

I'm having incoherent thoughts about clone danny again from the clone/clone^2 au (when am I not?) but more specifically I'm thinking about his reaction to finding out he's a clone. The standalone clone au digs into that a little more than clone^2, which is more focused on Danny and Damian's relationship. But neither (so far) really get into Danny's issues about finding out he's a clone after 15 years of thinking he wasn't.

Because he resents his parents for not telling him for so long. He resents the way he found out; through a trivial school project rather than a sit-down talk. He resents the fact that, apparently, they had meant to tell him sooner. But forgot. He resents the fact that they never told him because finding out feels like something was stolen from him when it had the chance to not be.

Danny Fenton, just fifteen, cloned not even half a year ago, knows what that personal violation of autonomy feels like. He knows what it's like to be cloned and while he loves Ellie, he does, she's his sister, and in this au his twin. But he is still left with that feeling of unsafety after realizing he'd been cloned. Being cloned is violating. The onset realization that it's so easy to get DNA without the other party noticing, and that what was stopping someone from trying to clone him again?

Followed only after with the rest of the inexplainable mix of feelings of being cloned, the rest of that inner conflict and panic that's an ugly mocktail of emotions that range from horror to fear. Trying to imagine what it's like to be cloned from the cloned party, and I imagine that it leaves you with the feeling of needing to crawl out of your own skin with discomfort.

And then he gets put on the other side of it. Danny Fenton, only fifteen, was cloned not even half a year ago, finding out he is a clone. And reactions, I imagine, can vary from person to person. But to him, it feels like something got stolen from him, like someone took a hole puncher and stuck it right into his chest and stole a chunk of himself from him.

It changes nothing about him and yet it changes everything. It's a betrayal on it's own to just find out he was a clone and they didn't tell him for fifteen years -- it shouldn't mean anything, because he's still Danny, and yet it means everything. It's him, it's him, it's about him. It's his personhood. It's about the fact that a load-bearing rock in his identity just crumbled beneath his feet and now there's a rockslide.

Because then he finds out that they used the wrong DNA. Its like pouring salt in an open wound. He's not even related to his parents or his sister, when for years he thought he was. It's the fact that pieces of his identity that he's been so secure in for so long just got ripped away from him in an instant. Then they tell him -- only through his own horrified prompting -- that the person whose DNA they used -- Bruce Wayne -- didn't even know he existed. That they accidentally used the wrong DNA, then didn't tell the person whose DNA they used.

The betrayal of being lied to for years turns really quickly into horror at his own existence. Something very similar to the horror he felt at being cloned and the skin-crawling discomfort that made him feel like his own skin wasn't really his. And then its not. It's actually not. Nothing but his own name feels like it belongs to him anymore -- not his hair, not his eyes, not his heart or his lungs, nothing feels like his anymore and he didn't know what that felt like until it was gone.

It's a question of Nature Vs. Nurture -- where does the line of "nature" begin and where does the line of "nurture" end? What of him is actually his? What of him is Bruce Wayne's? It's not logical, it's not supposed to be. It's a load-bearing wall on the house of his identity being destroyed and now everything else is caving down in on him. What belongs to Danny, what belongs to Bruce Wayne?

#dpxdc #dp x dc #danny fenton is not the ghost king #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc crossover #dpdc #clone^2 #danny fenton is a clone #its a combination 'oh my god i've been cloned too i know how violating that feels holy fuck' empathy and also the horror of finding out tha #the things you knew about yourself that you thought were unchanging was all WRONG.#its the fact that tragedy is always one step away from comedy. they're twins for a reason. the humor of finding out you're a clone through #a silly school project and the *horror* of finding out you're a clone from a silly school project instead of a proper conversation #danny goes into his room after he's done talking to his parents and he vomits into the garbage can under his desk. utterly horrified #and he calls sam and tucker crying. it shouldn't change anything he knows this and yet it changes EVERYTHING. he doesn't feel like himself #he doesnt feel like himself any*more.* this might be cause for him to do a closet overhaul. something to make himself feel like he's #in control of himself again. piercings. temporary hair dye. *something* to feel like he's in control.#its no wonder why he never wants to tell bruce wayne he exists because he *knows* how violating that feels and he's *afraid.*#it makes him takinh in damian a little more remarkable bc it undoubtedly made #his identity issues worse. but thats a child and a child who needs help and danny is *kind*

329 notes · View notes

kiteou · 3 months

Text

I technically dont care of the new game but I NEED TO KNOW THAT HES NOT DEAD!

#the fact that the new game takes place in arkhamverse scares me #game I’m talking about:suicide squad kill the justice league #spoilers #right now #don’t continue reading if you don’t want to know #ok.#the fact that Arkhamverse tim is already dead and the possibilities of the other bats being dead #makes me really nervous since dick Barbara and Jason gets named dropped and it’s such an oh no #honestly I prefer them fighting for their lives than outright dying like Tim did #poor Tim gets the short end of the stick.#anyway kiteou is at it again with ship art #crack ship art but alas my mind will never let go of them.and honestly if Arkham jason was with sabo they’ll both stick together trying to #survive as much as they can #and poor Arkham Jason already endured enough at this point let him be happy #jason todd x sabo #sabo #jason todd #op #dc #one piece #crossover ship #crack ship #fanart #artwork #art #sason #papalote dice cosa

102 notes · View notes

pettyprocrastination · 6 months

Text

Gym Crush!Ghost

when he's on leave? he's at the gym. damn near (if not) everyday.

it's a way for him to sort of dull the noise within his head, honestly. Just putting on a pair of headphones with a long ass playlist and working his body until he's drenched in sweat and enough time has passed that he can go back to his little apartment feeling a bit calmer at night.

and of course to keep up his endurance, muscle, and stamina for when he returns back to the field.

and maybe he feels a bit of macho pride as the physique. the man has earned it afterall.

He isn't somebody that talks much at the gym. The space between each set is full of the music flowing through his headphones and his resting face is enough to keep the more timid members from asking him questions about his routine or physique (this isn't his intention, he will say. his face just looks like that).

But of course. Simon knows what he looks like. He's worked hard for the body he has and is not stranger to gym rats asking about his max benchpress or women asking what he's doing later.

Something he never takes them up on in earnest. He's more than content to find a fling at a local pub that he may visit once in a while but the gym is a regular stop in his routine when not on duty. He lives by the "don't shit where you eat" motto when it comes to entertaining a potential flame.

But part of him was incredibly tempted to break that rule when he began to notice you.

You must be new to the area. Moved here when he was in service because he's never seen you before. You give the desk workers a polite nod and hello as they scan you in before putting your things away in a locker to begin your own workout.

He spares you a quick glance before returning back to the weights in his hand and not giving you another thought for the rest of the day.

Until he sees you tomorrow.

And the day after that.

It's a slow process for Simon. Each time he sees you there's a quick moment where he admires you before returning to himself. Taking note of the lack of a wedding band or perhaps a new shirt your wearing before turning away.

If you happen to catch his glance you offer him a quick smile he'll give you a polite nod of his head but won't go further than that.

If you want to talk to this man you have to be the one to make the first move.

You know that quote about how everybody has silent admirers in the world? yeah that's him.

He won't say anything but he'll keep his eye out for you in gym. Watch your reflection through the mirrored wall as you set up for a new PR.

watching you from afar with a soft mumble of "c'mon, c'mon. you got it" as you push the weight up from your body with a grunt.

Something about seeing the excited smile on your face as you re-re-rack the weight after hitting a new PR makes him want to come back the next day to see you keep pushing yourself.

#tj talks #simon riley x reader #simon riley x you #simon ghost riley #gym crush chronicles #that will be the tag for this #ive got two months until i graduate and never see this man again lets hope i grow a pair in that time and actually talk to him #idk what this word vomit is but heyyyy how yall doinggg #anyways this is all very tame and lovey fluffy but if anybody wants to talk more about it PLEAAASE lmk id love to chat more about this

275 notes · View notes

bellelovesyou · 4 months

Text

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ @sakkurify

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤorder up! (๑>؂•̀๑)

147 notes · View notes

mmmthornton · 2 years

Text

The main four SP boys are so funny and i wish more people appreciated how funny the dynamic and history between specifically the four of them are.

They're the coolest kids in school and everyone wanted to be their friend. No one likes them. When one died (semi)permanently, they ran a The Bachelor-type contest to pick a new bestie. They forced a kid to dress like their dead friend. The vibes were still off though so the dead kid came back. They're eight years old. They're ten years old. They're 9 years old. One of them has an alcohol addiction and depression. They've all seen each other naked. When one of them got herpes, he immediately passed it to the other three. These two things are unrelated. Three of them know the other is a psychopath who will kill people who get in his way and they're just like "wtvr". They hate each other more than anything. They cannot stop being best friends or it'll ruin the future of America. They would kill or die for each other. At 50 years old they still have hissy fits like children out in public over an argument none of them even remembers having. They're obsessed with each other. One of them gave another AIDS. They make each other so much worse for being involved in their lives. There is no low any of them could stoop to that the others would find it impossible to be their friend still.

When Chef said that they're friends "whether you like [each other] or not" he wasn't kidding. Its literally inescapable and thats so funny to their dynamic, why would you ever try to change that lol.

#south park #m4 baby #i love the casa bonita episode because Sheila's face in the car at the end is just #*okay well here's the kid my son almost always complains about and clearly hates but they're friends so he's in my car anyway*#she gets it lol she's a parent #thats just how kids be #*I never want to talk to [x] again! >:((((( *#next day:#*mom can you please drive us to [x]'s house for a sleepover?*#thats normal kid activity lol

701 notes · View notes

bijoumikhawal · 11 months

Text

also it really is shit how several popular bloggers were like. Horribly bigoted towards ace people when it was cool, but once it stopped being trendy they 1) deleted those posts so receipts couldn't be pulled 2) maybe put up claimed "redactions" or said "omg its been years if you really wanna know wether i still hate those people dm me" but never apologized for their behavior lmao. I don't think any of the people who did that actually changed, I just think they know it's not such an acceptable/fun target to bully anymore. It's really sick how that type of bullying was encouraged for years and how few people repented for their behavior.

#cipher talk #H*stlerose and lgbt*nis in particular come to mind #x***guiw*ng too tbh #They did a weird heel turn of being normal about ace people to insinuating most ace people are homophobic and self centered #And that believing a society which strictly controls your sex life doesn't like you not having sex and may punish you is a 'white thing'#As though the pressures around sex are not MORE strongly felt by PoC #I don't wanna say 'imagine if there was a mass movement of people who said they hated gay men and homophobia wasn't real and they never #Apologized or faced consequences' bc I know that exists. It's on Twitter and it's why I'm cagey around how people on tumblr say f*g #(I do mean like other lgbtq people tbc)#But like it's ridiculously fucked up that it happened. That people allowed it. That most people have forgotten about it either bc #They were targeted or bc they did the targeting #Remember when a real human being who had recently come out as ace was murdered for rejecting a man and people turned her into a fucking #Discourse topic? And posted decapitation photos claiming they were of her in tags about ace people/spread rumors about that?#I do. I fucking do.#Remember all the discussions about how 'denying your partner sex' was abuse? How ace people were p*dos for forcing discussions of sexuality #Onto kids? How wanting non alcoholic non sex forward spaces- something ND people and addicts also discussed- became a fucking crime?#Because ace people also thought it was cool?#Like g-d I know this was painful and I'm not saying we should do discourse again but forgetting all that isn't helpful either

76 notes · View notes

seth-burroughs · 6 months

Text

I will not stay silenced any longer. I really cannot relate to the badass girlboss Yomi truthers crowd. I'm sorry but constantly being so obsessed with proving your prowess and supposed superiority via [gestures at every single time he appeared in the game only to act like an insecure manchild who has to continuously reassert his authority he feels entitled to with continuos self-praise, lashing out with petty insults, violence or even pettier wackier violence] are not the acts of someone who is at all secure and confident in their abilities and themself,

#''ok but what if [x character] was truly THAT confident and cool and not overcompensating for anything'' you are so boring. begone.#Yomi to me reads like a very miserable man (which tends to be a side effect of being a deeply unpleasant person)#control is a comfort. power is security. make people do anything and punish everyone who makes you feel bad #powerful people can take anything they want from you. he KNOWS that #now he has that power. he's the director of the peacekeepers the quite literal top dog of kanai ward. the one whom the world revolves aroun #now he's the one who bargains and makes others grovel. people flock to him and he can make them do anything he wants them to do #now no one can make him scared or powerless ever again. And that is STILL not enough and will probably never be.#god. i want to wring him like a wet dishrag and smack him on the counter so he makes that PLAP sound.#anyway...... like and subcribe #mine #rain code #yomi hellsmile #oh wait one more thing - not vaguing anybody here actually nobody here. not talking about anybody in particular #i feel like im gonna need to say this. you know. gut feelings and the like.#girl god damn it the tags are longer than the post itself again.#The ''I DID proofread this but like only once and not that patiently'' tag

30 notes · View notes

cosmobrain00 · 19 days

Text

well🙂

#*visibly trying not to burst into tears* hey guys whats up #surprise surprise another absence bc my life can’t stop getting WORSE evry day it seems haha!#so. now who’s gonna tell me how u deal w the loss of ur fave person n the one person u were 100% certain truly loved u no matter what #who also inspired u to be an artist in the first place n who's been there for u ur ENTIRE life #like idk how to start dealing w it lmao. one min ill be basically okay n then the next ill feel like smthing just tore a chunk out of me #looked outside just a sec ago n thought “oh so she'll never see my progress in art. oh ill never get to make another painting for her”#n yk part of me just wants to pretend like none of it happened honestly #like “hey that was a fucked up dream oh well let me call [x] n tell them I love them”#n I dont fucking KNOW how to deal w this grief n idk whats normal n what isnt #no I havent cried rlly but almost every day I feel like I cant breathe n tht my chest is collapsing in on itself #no I cant talk abt it but i can’t draw like I used to n thinking abt my last art project makes me wanna throw up #< considering it was going to be a present for her tht she'll never get to see. Haha so funny right guys #fuck I need to get so entirely drunk over this now RELAPSING TIME BABY!!#anyways. will try to be normal tm n talk to ppl again instead of isolating as a way to cope n sorry to ppl who have msg'd me Ill be back

14 notes · View notes

musical-chick-13 · 5 months

Text

Like. Once again, I of ALL people understand what it's like to imprint on/relate to/be drawn to/care most about unpalatable or destructive or vicious characters who Aren't Good People, but, you know. I do have to ask why, for so many people, this NEVER seems to happen when those characters are women.

#like. why is it only the men like this you find interesting or emotionally resonant. why does your fondness for this concept go away #when the character who exemplifies these things is a woman #and I'm not talking about 'oh people hate one or two of my faves' IT HAPPENS /EVERY/ TIME!!!!#EVERY FEMALE CHARACTER LIKE THIS GETS SHAFTED #mel screams about fictional ladies again #that whole 'you all say you want morally grey women but you can't even handle [x]' thing is a meme for a reason!!!#because most of the time you take GENUINELY MORALLY GREY FEMALE CHARACTERS and talk about how they're one-dimensionally #SUPER COMPLETE EVIL #and then you ALSO lump female characters who mean well and ARE good people who mess up sometimes like a real human being #in with this group too. like it really is about idealizing some theoretical idea of what you think a female character '''should''' be and #then going 'mmmmm but not like that' EVERY time you get something that matches up with what you claim to be asking for #BECAUSE NOTHING IS EVER GOOD ENOUGH FOR THESE PEOPLE!!! THE WOMEN ARE NEVER GOOD ENOUGH TO MATTER IN THEIR OWN STORIES!!!!!!!#AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH #I know I talk about this every goddamn day but I am BEYOND apologizing #fandom misogyny

11 notes · View notes

toasteaa · 4 months

Text

This draft isn't even actually a draft, it's just me putting down my full thoughts FOR the draft. Why is it already 45 fucking pages long, I'm going to throw myself off a cliff

#toast talks #Toast writes one extremely self indulgent neuvi x reader fic and it consumes her for three weeks. more at 11 #AND I HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN TO THE SEX YET FUCK ME WHY DO I HAVE FULL FEATURE LEBGTH MOVIES FOR THOUGHTS #This is why I never post anything anymore because every single fic I want to write will end up being fuckin 70k words #That's even if I get it to come out how I want #Anyway #I've fallen back down the Neuvillette rabbit hole. Goodbye you will not see me again until I finish this fuckin draft #I think I should clarify it's 45 pages in my notebook and not on a computer. im writing front and back on pages so it's actually only like #22 pages and some change. But front and back of 22 pages at least #I'm getting delirious at this point I should really slow down but I can't whoops #This is what happens when your selfshipping doesn't have an outlet with friends. You go a little psycho bonkers and write a whole novel

11 notes · View notes

eerna · 10 months

Note

Ali al-Quahtani is so oblivious to all the forces around him and i love that. The scene (i can't remember where exactly) when Muntadhir tells him that he 100% looks like he was staging a coup and Ali being like *shocked pikachu face*... pure gold

YESSSS THAT WAS IN BOOK 1 TOO I LOVE THAT SCENE!!! Ali is like "what's wrong bro why are you mad at me :((" and Muntadhir is like "idk man maybe my little brother, the leader of my armies, who is way more beloved by the solders than me, was caught funding a rebel group and participating in their armed uprisings against the crown performed using weapons from the palace, after his mother's side of the family (which we don't share and who are notorious for seizing power) was also caught funding that same group, and now he is refusing to arrest anyone for those crimes" and Ali goes "NOOOOOOO WHAT???? DD: NO!!!!!!!! I WAS JUST A BIT STUPID I SLIPPED TT.TT IT WAS AN HONEST MISTAKE I'LL DO ANYTHING TO PROVE IT TT.TT" and the best part is. He isn't lying. But then the rebels are like "yea lol we were totally trying to stage a coup against his brother and make him king he just wasn't aware lolollololololololol"

#astrarche-x #eernask #eernask talk daevabad #and then at the end of the book ghassan is like ''here's top 10 reasons why you would totally stage a coup''#and ONCE AGAIN ali is like ''NO. NEVER EVER. NO. NO.''#5 years and 5 pages later: ''so......................... i may have to stage a coup.''#everyone else is fighting for status and power meanwhile ali just wants to do math and save orphans. too bad it's impossible without power

25 notes · View notes

batri-jopa · 5 months

Text

Why are all the shapeshifters so fucking cool?

Nimona

T1000

Genie

Could it be that being a shapeshifter usually have those aro / ace / nonbinary vibes

of never fitting to only one definition? as if not touching the Earth? and pining to belong somewhere?

but also

of no rule applying directly to you? as if you were free from being judged? and thus free to be whoever you choose?

But this kind of freedom is both a blessing and a curse. Because being one of a kind means you're all alone in the whole world.

#shapeshifter #sorry I'm talking to myself again #it's kind if a joke that t1000 is here... but also not #well t1000 is a liquid evilness but also I can't judge it as human being #it's just a very advanced machine and functioning within its program still makes the best of it...#and it's not like I ever wanted to be a killing machine😅#yet interovertic as I was as a teen I could not be so cool at joking as Genie #so I was rather pretending I'm cool robot that could defeat you all but to your luck it's busy heading for its mission...#I know Mystique from X-Men should also be here #but I don't know she never felt relateable to me somehow. way to dependent to others. taking orders. doing bad things and liking it #I can't judge a robot for cruelty but I can't not judge her as a human😒#asexual #aromantic #agender #nonbinary #enby #aroace #aspec

8 notes · View notes

archduke-enver-gortash · 5 months

Text

posting on here is like my sisyphean boulder i'm constantly rolling tbh

#god i am trying so hard to just have fun and be myself #but when i do that i'm immediately a strange outsider creep #and since i can't really mask my version of masking is just not talking and then obviously you don’t find any joy in fandom spaces either #i will always be a shitty unlikable freak no matter how much i pretend otherwise. it was obvious from the start that getting involved in #fandom spaces was a fucking mistake. it's always a mistake because you're some laughing stock at best and a horrifying freak at worst #i don't blame people for not liking me i've realised what an awful person i am long ago #but it's always so hard witnessing something like fun social groups from the sidelines knowing you'll never be a part of it #this is why my mental state has been deteriorating so severely in the last few months. that Realisation once again nothing fucking changed #i know it's stupid to get so upset over fandom but it's only a pattern for me #i stopped trying to be friends with people when i was a teenager because it hasn't worked a single time #this attempt at integrating myself into the wotr and bg3 fandom by sharing my shit was just one mistake #gortash/zeke is so different from anybody else’s work and i wish i could find joy in something that it isn’t fucking deranged but i can’t #like yes it’s just fandom bullshit! gortash/zeke is a fucking oc x canon ship! why am i getting so upset over it!#i love writing them. i’ve never been this happy writing anything. and it’s entirely indicative of a common pattern in my life #when i earnestly share parts of myself/things i’m passionate about people get creeped out. and honestly? rightfully so #i would leave the discord servers i’m in because it’s fucking crushing me dude. this is so petty but i’m so jealous of what you people have #but in one i am server owner and i don’t want to just dump that responsibility onto someone else and then dip #and in the other two i’m not sure anyone would even notice that i’m gone but i still worry about being rude #though i’m not entirely sure i didn’t get invited to one of those just so people could laugh at me. idk probably just being paranoid but i #it’s been gnawing at me #ok no if i’m being this vulnerable on tunglr.com i can also say that part of me staying is also still having the hope that i could fit in #one day. logically i know it won’t happen but it’s nice to have hope sometimes #watching you all from through the window having fun like a creep #so yeah. i’ve always felt like this but it’s been rapidly getting worse with my failed attempt at the bg3 fandom #idk just been crying non-stop for the last few hours. went through an entire pack of tissues in an hour it’s very disgusting #they’re all lying around me as i’m typing this like a pillowfort of snot lmao #so yeah. idk. if someone could come over and lobotomise me that’d be nice. orin where are you when we need you most #i never had any friends irl so i foolishly gave this a shot. i’m sorry #also doesn’t help that i can see someone dropping me for people that are easier to be around in irl rn #it just hurts because it’s always like that. someone you are around when you have no other option at best. not even that sometimes

9 notes · View notes