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widow-maximov · 3 years

Note

Hi can I request the the boys of the OG6 acting like older brothers of Natasha and then literally interrogating ceo!reader or something bc they’re known for being a player?

Natasha’s just watching them and being embarrassed.

You don’t have to if you don’t want to:)

Anything for you

Pairing: Natasha x Reader

Warning: Language, fluff, angst :3

Summary: Your past impacted your future and others trust, are you able to change for her?

Word count: 3.7k

My requests are always open so feel more than welcome to pop in a suggestion for the next story :3

⸻⸻⋙☸⋘⸻⸻

Being in a relationship has never been easy in your life, especially since you are the richest person alive, along side with Tony Stark. Since your dad retired and gave you the company you were doing pretty good for someone your age.

You were a 'player' or well that's what people did describe you, but you liked to call yourself adventurous, it was more of a stress relief type of hook ups never more never less.

Half of the time you thought that since you have money people will use you for it so you kept your cold bitch face and kept going with life.

There was a reason behind that thinking, you remember like it was yesterday. Back when you had less responsibilities on your head, you did date.

There was this boy, who was the most respected person in school, he always helped everyone and even turned you into a bit more social and nicer person to which you gained popularity.

You were practically swooned over this guy, not him as a boy but his personality, he 'loved' you or at least that's what you thought. Since you gained respect of practically every person in the school, there were rumours that your boyfriend only used you for the money.

He had a whole plan of how to get your money, by marrying you like he was going to stick with you for a very long time just so he can take your money and leave you dry.

At first you didn't want to believe it until you overheard his conversation with his friends, he was laughing and just being a dick about your whole relationship, telling them what you told him in secret.

You ended up getting revenge, since you were able to get away with most things, you actually punched him and outed him to the whole school with how he treated you, he was suspended and your father moved you to another school for 'punishment' but he really did you a favour.

Every since that you questioned any relationships after that, whether it was with girls or boys, to you they all seemed the same as your ex. So you stuck with being single for sometime until you accidently slept with someone at a party and that's where you picked up the habits of sleeping around.

It did kind of stop when you took over after your dad retired but as soon as you were doing a good enough job and providing the best solutions for the issues that occurred, you practically had many women in your office, no matter the time.

You tried not to mix work with your sex life which meant your workers were your workers and nothing else but there was an exemption, there was a woman, her name is Ava, who used to work along side of your dad and now she works along side of you, she become your casual hook up which sometimes interfered with work.

Since you always believed in good, Ava suggested for you to work with the Avengers, you agreed and reached out to Tony and offered a deal to help him with anything he needs but you wanted intel on everything they do which meant you were there pretty often.

When you first met the team, it was only a couple of them as most were away from a mission, they were a family that you wanted and lacked. Your father never was a feeling type of guy and your mother never really cared unless she didn't get her money.

The Avengers were different and even if you weren't physically fighting with them, you helped them out a lot since they ruined a lot of property to which you were quick to act to some point you were considered their teammate.

When you met this one particular team mate, you instantly knew she was different. You knew she existed from them being featured on the news but face to face with these people were so different. She was the reason you changed so much.

The more you started to spend time with the Avengers the more you were fascinated by her. Natasha Romanoff, the Black Widow, the Russian, the redhead, you preferred stunning but Natasha would have to do.

She was just as into you as you were into her and you wasn't hiding it, you were obvious which only encouraged her to continue her exploring. Everyone warned her about you but she was too blind and stubborn to care.

You stopped sleeping around when you started to hang around the team more often, which didn't go unnoticed by your own company, especially Ava who worked with you, was she jealous? Of course, to the point where she tried to ruin your chance with Natasha.

You were busy that day, like really busy, ever since you were taking things with Natasha at some pace, you would neglect your work and overload Ava, she didn't mind it because in return she wanted you and she was going to succeed.

She was all over you to which you never paid any attention, your mind was occupied with Natasha, you literally did everything to spend more of your time with the Russian rather than here being a CEO.

You was standing near the elevators, talking to one of your other business partners and Ava was next to you since she was in a way involved into your business.

Natasha was planning to visit you at work as you couldn't leave this time, she wants to watch you be a badass CEO, it turned her on when you bossed people around plus it was more time together so she didn't mind.

Natasha appeared out of the Elevator to which she was spotted by Ava, there was a smirk at her lips as she started her plan. When you and the business partner made a joke, she laughed as she placed her hand gently on your shoulder.

Natasha saw it all, she narrowed her eyes and waited for you to push her away, here where the problems comes. The company didn't know who you starting to change for, so when the next person saw Natasha and where she was looking, they made a comment.

"I wouldn't look so surprised, they had a thing on and off all the time, since Y/n took over, Ava has been sneaking around but we all know"

Natasha nodded with a fake smile and turned around to the elevator, it took everything in her to turn around because all she wanted to do was walk towards you and Ava and literally kill yous on spot.

When Natasha arrived back, the team noticed her sudden change in her behaviour.

"Nat are you okay?" Steve questioned first as he observed the redhead.

She stiffly nodded and proceeded to walk out to her room but Thor stopped her "Okay, you're not okay now tell us what's wrong."

Natasha faced her team mates "It's stupid"

Clint shook his as he sipped his drink "It's not stupid if it's upsetting you"

Tony crossed his arms "Okay, spill Romanoff"

Natasha sighed as she walked over to where they were and sat in between them "I'm having doubts"

Bruce's head popped out from underneath a table "Doubts about what?"

"About what's going on between me and Y/n.." Natasha hesitantly told them.

Steve's frowned at her "Why?"

"I went to visit Y/n at work today and I hate to admit it but I don't think the player habits have stopped, it just worries me that I am being maybe used.." As Natasha finished, she was looking anywhere else but them.

Tony pulled Natasha into his side "It's okay, you have us to protect you, also I think Fury was looking for you so you might want to check that out first"

She nodded and just when she was about to stand up, Tony pulled her into a hug and suddenly everyone wants to hug her to which they did. They had their turn whispering sweet things to Natasha to calm her a little.

"We are having a party later" Tony announced just before the Russian left, she nodded at him and as soon as she left, they turned to each other.

"Okay, here is the plan, the party is there to keep her occupied whilst we question Y/n. I'm not going to allow a player break her sweet heart" Tony spoke up again as he looked from Steve to Bruce.

"I will get the ropes ready..." Clint stated as if he done this before.

Thor looked at Clint confused "I want to ask but at the same time I don't"

Tony rolled his eyes "It doesn't matter, we are going to find out and then decided what we should do with Y/n if it's true"

They all nodded and did their secret handshake that Natasha wasn't apart off because it was dedicated to her to protect her. They split and went to fulfil their parts of this secret mission.

Tony alerted you of the party, Steve kept his eyes on the door to see if you arrive, Bruce takes care of Ava or any other people, Thor takes you away as he is very convincing and Clint prepares for anything that could somehow disrupt the interrogation.

You were worried, each time you would message Natasha there would be no reply, that never happened before which was even more worrying. Your first irrational thought was to sleep with someone to take off the stress but after taking a deep breath you knew this isn't a way to solve this, you needed to talk to Natasha.

As soon as you received a text from Tony about a party, there was some sort of relief in your mind, she was busy with preparing maybe that's why she couldn't answer you.

You told Ava about the party so she cancelled any late meetings, any parties that Tony Stark planned had everyone invited so since you were a business partner of Tony, your whole company was invited meaning Ava was going to be there.

You always had a emergency suit in your office for unannounced parties when you had been stuck at the company for too long. You was ready within minutes and was out the door alone as quick as possible, in hopes that you will talk to Natasha before she gets lost in the part world.

You rushed over and as soon as you gotten into the building Thor stood in your way "Oh hello Thor, sorry I can't talk I'm in a bit of a rush.."

He simply smiled at you "It's okay but Tony really needs you, it has to wait"

You were going to protest but he pulled you along with him, he was much more stronger than you so you had no chance and just followed him.

He didn't simply let you walk in, he pushed you inside as he locked the door behind him, you huffed as you turned to face the door that now was locked, you looked around and suddenly Tony with Clint emerged from the wall.

"Woah, that's cool" You had your brows raised at their new thing.

"So why was I shoved in here?" You questioned now with a serious face.

Clint walked over to you and before you could move away he had you tied with this new invention, you looked at him with shock and then back at the ropes, he placed you down on a chair as suddenly everyone else but Natasha walk into the room.

Now you are surrounded by 5 Avengers death staring you like you had killed someone that was related to them "What is happening?"

Tony had a serious face "You're going to tell us about Ava"

You frowned in confusion "What are you talking about?"

Steve had his arms crossed "We want to know what is going on between you and Ava"

The boys tried their best to keep this whole thing a secret but Natasha was a spy after all so she knew what they were doing, she didn't want to stop them because if it meant somehow getting out the truth without lies she was okay with it, obviously to some extent, she didn't want them to hurt you so she observed from the other room.

"Is there suppose to be something going on between me and her?" You questioned as you stared at Steve with a serious face.

Bruce walked closer as he bend down to your face "There is 5 of us and just you, think wisely before answering Y/l/n"

Were you scared? A little, he was right you were alone and no one knew you were here, but you knew they wouldn't do anything to you well at least that's what you'd like to think.

"I will ask again, what is going on with you and Ava?" Tony spoke as Bruce walked back to where he stood before.

"Nothing is going on between me and her, what makes you think that?" You questioned this time.

Clint sighed as he dropped his hands "Because we know you were involved with her sexually"

You narrowed your eyes "So you five kidnapped me, tied and now you're asking me if I'm still sleeping with Ava, acting like this is your business because?"

Tony scoffed "Because you're messing with our family and we don't like people who hurt our family.."

"I'm not messing with no one-" You were quick to disagree but stopped yourself when you realised who they were referring to.

"You mean Natasha..." You spoke but rather to yourself than them.

"I'm not messing with Natasha" You stated simply.

"Then why is Ava all over you?" Clint asked as he crossed his arms this time.

"How am I suppose to know, I'm not a mind reader"

Clint faced Tony "Okay, I believe Y/n"

You smiled slightly at Clint, but his comment only caused an argument, your eyes wondered around the room, that's when you noticed that the corner of the room is different half way up as if there was glass, not making it obvious that you knew.

You cleared your throat "Can I say something?"

They all looked back at you and nodded in sync "I know yous don't trust me but I will try everything to show you that I don't have bad intentions when it comes to Natasha, now please can you let me go I really need to go"

Tony narrowed his eyes "If you want to show us that we can trust you then tell us where you are in such a rush"

You swallowed hard, you didn't want Natasha to find out this way so you tried your luck again "I can't tell you, I need to go"

Tony inhaled sharply as he looked over at the boys "Well what do you guys say about a round of beers and come back here in an hour to see if Y/n will say something then"

Thor smirked "We can also put the heating on, making it a little too hot here for our little Y/n here"

They all nodded and there was a sense of panic across your face "Okay stop, I will speak"

They all had a smirk and you just continued "I am in a rush to talk to Natasha.."

"Why?" Steve spoke as he walked a little closer to you.

"Well I was planning to do this face to face not through the glass but I'm head over hills with Natasha and I was planning to ask her out but I guess now she knows" You sighed with slight disappointment.

Tony was the one frowning with confusion "What do you mean? Through glass?"

You looked over at the glass "If you really think you know Natasha then think twice, because this woman is a spy, she is behind that glass listening to this"

Clint face palmed himself "I knew this was too good to be true"

Tony pulled out his remote that controlled the glass, he turned off the camouflage and there she stood, with her arms crossed and an embarrassed look across her face, well it was a death stare but you could tell them apart.

As your eyes landed on her face, a smile found it way on your lips really quickly, she always did that to you and you loved that feeling even if you were slightly terrified of it but you would do anything for Natasha even deal with your own issues for her.

Clint walked over as he untied you and allowed you to stand up with a little whine from the pain that the rope left behind, you looked at the boys and they moved out of your way, you looked at them and gave them a small nod as you proceeded your way out.

"You better not hurt her Y/l/n or you'll regret it" Tony simply whispered but just enough so you heard him, you looked at him and nodded with a smile.

You walked out of the room and shutting the door behind you, taking a deep breath and finally looking to your right as your eyes were met with the Russian's green ones, she was staring at you from across and all you wanted to do was pull her into you.

Nothing else but her was on your mind, you walked over to her and just stared at her without saying anything. You didn't even know what words would be right to say so instead she took your hand and pulled you to a less visited balcony.

She stood couple steps away from you to which she spoke up first "Did you mean it?"

Her naturally raspy voice was music to your ears, so you simply nodded because words could betray you quite easily, she sighed with relief as she looked down.

The boost of courage coursed through your body, you took those couple steps towards her as you placed your hand under her chin, making her look up at you.

"Natasha I am sorry if I made you feel like you were nothing more than some cheap hook up because you aren't and you never will be." You started off with an apology still holding her chin.

"You mean so much to me, you out of everyone could make me want to change is a lot for me, I knew the second that I would do anything for you that I was falling for you" This time you held her face with both of your hands as your eyes started to gloss.

"I also never told you how stunning you look" You manged to chuckle out before letting tears slowly fall from your eyes.

She chuckled with you as she wiped your tear of your cheeks "Thank you"

"I'm also sorry for them acting like that" Natasha tucked a fallen hair behind your ear.

You shook your head "You don't need to be sorry because if you made you more at ease then I would even let them kidnap me everyday if it meant you would feel better"

A smile made its way on her lips this time "I think I'm falling for you too" She whispered it as she searched in your eyes for any emotions.

You smiled with a relief sigh "We can take this at any pace you want and if you ever doubt anything, talk to me I will even take a lie detector test for you Nat"

She giggled as she nodded, instead of replying she hugged into your chest with a smile across her lips, you let your arms snake around her and close your eyes at her warmth.

You pulled away slightly just enough to be inches away from each other lips, you looked into her eyes and with confirmation from both parts you kiss her, your eyes flattered shut as if to see if this wasn't a dream.

You pulled away and rested your forehead against hers as you looked into her eyes, completely being pulled deeply into this moment, not realising that practically everyone could see this, but as long as you had Natasha with you, you didn't care.

The next day, you made Natasha meet you at the company along with Ava, Natasha worried rushed to you as she spotted you. Her eyes were quick to narrow at Ava.

You looked over at Natasha and with a smile you walked over to her as you took her hand and walked back to where you were, this time Ava had her eyes narrowed at Natasha.

"What am I doing here Y/n/n?" The redhead spoke up as she looked over at you.

"This is my way of showing that you can trust me Natty" You looked back at her with a smile.

She was still confused, so you looked over at Ava as you held a letter out to her, she hesitantly took it and opened it as her eyes scanned the paper so quickly.

"You're moving me to another work place?!" She screamed as she looked back at you.

You nodded with a smile across your lips "Yes, I have heard from so many people that you have been complaining about getting here so I did you a favour and moved you closer to where you live"

You pulled Natasha into you but kept your eyes on Ava, who pointed at Natasha "This is your fault, if you weren't here I would still have my chance"

You rolled your eyes, the Russian was ready to knock her out but you held her by her waist pretty firmly as you spoke "Don't blame this on others, this is all on you, it might be hard to understand for you but I didn't want anything else from you, now go pack your stuff as your new place awaits you"

She scoffed as she stormed away, you waved her goodbye as you giggled along with Natasha, you looked over to the redhead at your side, she smiled at you and without words, she kissed you to which you accepted it with open arms.

You wanted everyone to know she was taken by you and you were taken by her. She made you happy and you would do anything to prove to her that she is the one who has your heart.

⸻⸻⋙☸⋘⸻⸻

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yslkook · 3 years

Text

BRIGHT (2)

mind of mine masterlist

summary: you and jungkook share a moment in a bookstore. pairing: “badboy” jk x “shy/reserved” oc warnings: cursing, excessive use of pet names…bc its me

“Oh, lighten up Jeon,” Yoongi rolls his eyes, “You look like someone told you that your cat died.”

“The only kitty he wants won’t give him the time of day,” Mina grins, earning herself a glare from Jungkook.

“More like I can't get her time of day because her stupid best friend has a stick up her ass,” Jungkook mutters.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this,” Mei observes, “Our baby tattoo artist pining over a girl…”

“If looks could kill, you’d be dead by now, Mei,” Yoongi says pointedly, “Now stop wasting time meddling in Jungkook’s love life, Jin will have all of our heads-”

“Love life? I don’t have a love life,” Jungkook protests, eyes adorably round.

“And that’s why you’re so broody today, honey,” Mina teases, “More so than usual at least.”

“I am not broody,” Jungkook grumbles, turning his back on his laughing coworkers and friends. He can’t help but smile at their teasing.

“Oh, lighten up, Kookie,” Mei says lightly, clapping his shoulder, “If it makes you feel any better, that girl couldn’t stop staring at you at Hobi’s birthday. And she definitely wants a piece of this.”

Jungkook ignores the raucous laughter of his friends (which only increases when Jin comes out from the backroom to add on to his suffering) and the reddening of his cheeks as he gets ready for his full day of tattoo consultations and appointments.

Jungkook’s day ends about an hour earlier than he had anticipated- his last client for the day had to reschedule due to a last minute conflict. That’s fine by him. It gives him time to stop by the bookstore a few blocks away from the tattoo parlor before it closes.

Jungkook tries his best to read at least one new book a month. He’s known the older shop owner, Jia and her young son, Jae-sung, for years now, as he had basically grown up with Jia from childhood.

He loves the quiet of the store and the immediate scent of vanilla and cedar that surrounds him as soon as he walks in. The bookstore itself has a vintage sort of feel, with dimmed lights, old shelves of mahogany and candles placed throughout the store.

Jungkook always brings croissants from the bakery nearby for Jia and little Jae-sung. Usually when he comes by, the bookstore is empty (or close to it).

Jae-sung screeches when he sees Jungkook walk in the door and immediately runs up to him, hugging his legs. Jungkook crouches, ruffling his hair fondly and Jae-sung is nearly bouncing off of the heels of his feet.

“Mommy say she have new book for you, Kookie!” Jae-sung beams, eyeing the box of croissants in Jungkook’s free hand.

“Does she?” Jungkook muses, “Your mommy always knows what kind of books I like.”

“Me too! Me too!”

“Hey, Jungkook,” Jia’s voice filters through the store as she approaches, “It’s been a while.”

“It took me a while to finish the last book. But so worth it,” He says apologetically, “I also brought croissants. Enjoy.”

“You spoil us,” Jia rolls her eyes, “The new arrivals are in the back, third aisle from the left. You know the drill.”

Jia has known Jungkook since he was a baby in diapers- she’s been his aunt’s close friend for years and years now. Jungkook likes to joke that he likes Jia more than his own aunt, and Jia always reprimands him (without really meaning it).

He thought the bookstore was empty, save for Jia and Jae-sung. But he’s clearly mistaken, when he sees a figure in an olive green sweater and black jeans perusing through the new arrivals with their bottom lip tucked between their teeth in concentration.

He recognizes them immediately and when the person raises their head in curiosity, he sees your wide eyes and a shy smile starting to pull across your lips.

You’re here, in his favorite bookstore where he feels like he’s at home. If he was looking for a sign, then this was it.

“Hi,” You say softly, waving your fingers at him, “So you like reading, huh?”

You visibly cringe and Jungkook chuckles. Your cheeks feel warm when you take him in, swirls and dots of his tattoos peeking out of his black leather jacket and beckoning you closer to him. The three hoops in his left ear glint with the light and the dangling earring on his right ear dangles with the movement of his head. His hair is tied back into a ponytail, accentuating the curve of his jaw and his soft dimples.

Your breath is stolen away when you meet his eyes, deep brown and murky, popping against the peach eyeshadow on his eyelids.

You nearly swoon on the spot before you get your bearings. Maybe he’d catch you if your knees buckled, you think dryly. How embarrassing.

“I try reading something new once a month,” Jungkook replies, pulling you out of your reverie, “And I just like the bookstore in general. Sometimes I like to just come here and hang out with Jia and Jae-sung.”

“Oh! Jia makes my favorite lavender chamomile tea. There’s nothing like it,” You say a little dreamily, “Jae-sung is a cutie. That boy can just look at you and you’d be putty in his hands. Kinda like you.”

The last bit slips out of your mouth without you meaning for it to.

“Kinda like me, huh,” Jungkook smirks, eyes glittering, “It would be fun to see if you’d be putty in my hands, wouldn’t it?”

“The world may never know,” You mumble sheepishly and avoid his eyes again, “What kind of book are you looking for?”

“The one you’re holding, baby,” Jungkook murmurs, looking past your shoulder for another copy of the same book.

“Are you looking for this book just because I’m reading it or because you’ve been genuinely eyeing it?” You ask boldly, a hint of a smile playing on your lips.

“Oh, you’re funny,” Jungkook snorts, walking past you to grab the book off of the shelf.

“So I’ve been told,” Your eyes flash, “We should do a boozy book club.”

“Is it a book club if it’s just the two of us?”

“It can be whatever we want it to be,” You shrug, “Besides, don’t you wanna hang out with me?” You tilt your head and Jungkook’s resolve weakens. His heart does something funny- is this how it’s supposed to be?

“Of course I wanna hang out with you, baby,” Jungkook murmurs smoothly, “C’mon, let’s go have some of Jia’s tea. And a croissant too, if Jae hasn’t eaten them already.”

Jungkook glares at Jia the entire time that she’s making tea for both of you. He knows her sly, curious eyes and was unable to keep the surprise off of her face when you had both walked down the stairs together.

She even had the audacity to wink at him. He hopes that the family groupchat doesn’t start blowing up when Jia inevitably informs his aunt and mother about this new development.

“Kookie,” Jae-sung whispers (loudly) when you step away to use the bathroom, “Is dat your girlfriend?”

“What?” Jungkook hisses, “Who told you that?”

“My mommy say I ask you! I not know!”

“No, Jae, that’s not my girlfriend,” Jungkook mumbles, shooting Jia another death glare. She only smiles smugly at him from her spot behind the counter.

Jia leaves him alone for the most part when you return and take your seat next to him. He can still feel her eyes on you both as she washes teacups, watching like a hawk.

“These croissants are so good,” You nearly moan, “Where’d you get them?”

“There’s a bakery near the tattoo parlor,” Jungkook says, “You should come by sometime.”

“The bakery or the parlor?”

“Both?”

“I’ve only been there a few times,” You muse, “I hear you’re the best tattoo artist there. From the mouth of Hobi and Jin themselves.”

“Don’t let Mina and Mei hear you say that,” Jungkook says weakly, rubbing the back of his neck. His cheeks are a little pink and you resist chuckling to yourself.

“I’ve always wanted to get a second piercing,” You trail off, “But never really committed to it.”

“What would you want to get? We do piercings, too,” Jungkook says.

“Cartilage? Industrial? I don’t know,” You shrug, sipping your tea.

“Mina usually has a good eye for that,” Jungkook admits, “Now you have more of a reason to stop by.”

“Oh, I already had a reason to stop by the parlor,” You say brazenly with a sweet smile.

“Is that so?” Jungkook says, quirking an eyebrow at you.

You hum and continue to sip your tea, wondering if he can somehow hear the loud rattling of your eager heart in your ribcage.

Conversation with him comes so easily and you don’t know when the last time you had spent this long with him was. Something always seems to interrupt you both when you eventually do find yourselves alone with each other during outings with friends. But this time, it’s just you and him tucked away in this bookstore.

The sun has long gone down and Jia was about to close the bookstore for the day. In fact, the only reason she kept it open for this long was because of you both. You apologize profusely with worried eyes when you realize the time and see Jae-sung fast asleep in his mother’s arms.

She waves you off, giving Jungkook a lingering look that you don’t understand.

“I’ll be back soon,” You promise Jia in a soft voice, so as to not wake Jae-sung, “Be well, Jia.”

She bids you both goodnight, and unbeknownst to you, she shoots Jungkook a simple text. It states: “keep her close, i like her”.

Jungkook ignores it in favor of focusing on you.

“How you getting home, baby?” Jungkook asks as you both walk up the block shoulder to shoulder.

“Hmm… I’m supposed to meet Sora for dinner but she said she’s stuck at work,” You murmur, wrapping your arms around yourself as you scroll on your phone, “But I was just on social media and it looks like she’s getting drinks with her other friends…”

You look at him with a frown tugging at your lips and your eyes wide. “Maybe it was a last minute thing,” You mumble to yourself.

“Or maybe she lied to you,” Jungkook says sharply. You only look at him in silence for a few moments with furrowed brows.

“Maybe there was a reason,” You shrug, “Why would she lie about that?”

Because she’s Sora, and she just would. But Jungkook stays silent. You don’t need to hear about how he dislikes your best friend, at least not yet. Not when you’re not ready to hear it.

“Forget about her,” Jungkook says easily, “Lemme take you home, baby.”

“I’m not riding that metal death contraption,” You say flatly, “You just got it! Like two weeks ago! You don’t even have an extra helmet, and forget a helmet, I need elbow pads and knee pads-”

“Will you relax,” Jungkook says, putting your books in the small basket he built into the front of the motorcycle.

“No, I will not relax, Jeon Jungkook!” You nearly screech, “This is so dangerous, we could both fall in the road and then what? Become roadkill for the next soccer mom van to run us both over? Death by soccer mom, what a way to go-”

“Are you done?” Jungkook says dryly.

“No, actually, I’m not done-”

“You trust me, baby?” Jungkook asks, hand on your shoulder. You can’t even properly appreciate the warmth of his large hand over your jacket.

“Of course I trust you, I don’t trust that,” You point at the motorcycle accusingly and Jungkook rolls his eyes. You can already feel your resolve weakening. He wordlessly places his own helmet over your own head and you glare at him, about to start your tirade again.

“You take mine,” Jungkook murmurs, “And hold on to me.”

“You can’t just give me your helmet, what if you fall? Or worse, get pulled over?”

“Or worse, get pulled over, are you joking-”

“Jungkook! Be serious!”

“I am being serious! You said you only live ten minutes from here, just relax. I won’t let anything happen to either of us,” Jungkook says, tongue poking the inside of his cheek.

“If anything happens, it’s your head on a platter and I’m bringing it to the tattoo parlor.”

“How can you do that if we both die?”

“Shut the fuck up,” You say, but a laugh escapes your lips. Jungkook sits on his bike and looks at you expectantly.

“C’mon, baby,” Jungkook coaxes you and you awkwardly sit behind him, making sure that your legs don’t touch his and your arms are safely away from him.

“If you sit like that, you’ll definitely fall off,” Jungkook snorts, “Wrap your arms around me.”

You hesitate, afraid of touching him like this for whatever reason. He unnerves you and you feel completely exposed like this. You’ve never really been this close to anyone, at least anyone who made you feel the way Jungkook makes you feel.

Biting the bullet, you tensely wrap your arms around his narrow waist loosely. “Good girl,” Jungkook murmurs, “Tighter, baby. I don’t bite, unless you want me to.”

Your stomach flips at his words, subconsciously wrapping your arms around his narrow waist even more tightly. Your fingers graze the hard press of his tummy over his jacket and you almost moan at how warm and strong he feels. He smells nice, like Sunday morning laundry.

“Ugh, you’re annoying-” And then you shriek as he pulls away from the road and shoots off into the night with you plastered against his backside.

“See that wasn’t so bad, was it?” Jungkook says, taking the helmet off of you. He’s met with a glare but you sigh in defeat.

“No, I guess it wasn’t. But I never want you driving this hunk of death without a helmet for yourself,” You say, poking his chest.

“You should be nicer to her,” Jungkook says, taking your finger in his large hand.

“You’re right, it’s you that I should be mean to,” You roll your eyes. You wonder if Jungkook could feel your heart slamming in your chest (in fear, adrenaline and excitement) as you hung tight to him. You had refused to look up, pressing your face into his back and squeezing your eyes shut the entire way. Jungkook had only chuckled.

The heat in your eyes melts away quickly once Jungkook helps you off of the motorcycle. “Thanks for taking me home, Jungkook,” You murmur, “I’m glad I ran into you at the bookstore.”

“Any time, baby,” Jungkook says. A strand of dark hair falls from his ponytail and into his face. You reach your fingers up to thread through his hair before pushing it back behind his ear for him.

“Get home safe,” You say, with stars in your eyes, “Can I hug you?” When he nods, and before you can change your mind or convince yourself out of it, you wrap your arms around him. And before he can properly return it, you dash into your apartment building while calling out “text me when you get home!”

Hours later, when he’s in the comfort of his home, he decides that he likes the way your spicy vanilla scented perfume clings to his leather jacket.

tags: @kookdbean @tiemeuptogoldenchains @boymeetsparadise @jungkooksseuphoria

#jungkook x reader #jungkook fluff #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook fluff #badboy jk #badboy jungkook

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mythiccheroacademia · 3 years

Text

—single!parent headcanons

part one

mtha thots: the manga makes me really sad and i think children deserve a childhood so i made this to cope

all characters are 18+

Warnings: it’s long but, other than that, none <3

Shouto Todoroki:

truth be told, shouto never wanted children

he knew how important someone’s childhood meant

shouto honestly couldn’t trust himself not to mess it up :(

so imagine his surprise when he came to fall in love with this little boy, no older than six, he found snooping around a dumpster

it’s actually kind of funny how they came to be bc shouto was 100% put off by the kid

when they made eye contact, they stared at each other like

shouto:🧍🏻

the boy: 👁👄👁

shouto again:🧍🏻

before the brat blew him a raspberry and tried to run off

ofc he caught up to him and, despite the boy’s tantrum, the two went straight to the police

and for some reason, todoroki ended up with him in his condo

the first couple of weeks were terrible

it seemed like Yuuma hated his guts

shouto let him have his space and only really pestered him when it was time to do the essentials

at midoriya’s suggestion, he’d try and talk to him about his day or how his therapy sessions went, but it was no use

the boy would tell him not to worry about it and scurry off

this happened for some time and honestly, todoroki was at his wit’s end

until one day, shouto realized that it wasn’t that the child hated him, he just didn’t want to be a burden him

then everything clicked

mustering up the courage, todoroki one day asked Yuu if he’d like to help him make dinner and the way the kid’s eyes brightened up at the chance to be useful made him a bit sad

but he pushed it away in favor for how the boy blossomed as he showed shouto the right way to stir meat stew and make onion rings

at the end, the red n white hero gave him an honest smile and thanked him for his help

Yuuma looked at him for a long time before bursting into tears

it was the first time shouto had seen him cry in weeks

it was also the first time they hugged

from then on, it was almost magical how well they clicked

the boy was exitable and extroverted, todoroki was quiet and reserved

they were both stubborn to a fault sometimes and that didn’t bode over well during the few disagreements they had but they brought the best out in each other

shouto made the kid feel safe and secure, always reminding him that anything he did for him was never burdensome

Yuuma gave the hero a confidence boost and a chance at another type of love he never knew he wanted

the first time his son called him dad was when todoroki made the adoption official

Yuuma shyly asked if it was okay that he called him his father and shouto will not admit to the tears he desperately tried to hide from a teasing midoriya and his siblings (ofc he had them there)

no one knows this but todoroki literally had separation anxiety the first couple of years

his child was just fine being with the babysitter but shouto would spend his work days/nights feeling very tense being away from him

called/texted the kid all the time, left him encouraging sticky notes in his lunch box, and would hug him for at least 3 min before leaving the house

he’s such a mother hen bye

he’s lucky yuu adores him bc he was lowkey doing a lot LMAO

they have movie nights together and geek over manga like nerds

yuuma cosplayed as roy mustang once and todoroki has an album of pics from that day alone

todoroki’s the type to randomly bring his son fruit just because

yuuma regularly slept in shouto’s bed/futon until around 7th grade

as his son got older, and more popular (w the ladies AND gents hehe) at school, todoroki got a little jealous bc yuuma wanted to spend more time with his friends

he was legit hurt the first time yuu canceled on movie night to go to a sleepover 🥺

todoroki moped over it until midoriya told him to knock it off 💀

it’s a shameful quality of his, but shouto will always lie to get his kid out of the stupid shit he gets himself into only bc yuu plays really funny pranks

has to keep himself from laughing in front of the principle

they’re both lowkey mischevious asf

he’ll scold him later tho so it’s okay, he’s responsible™️

shouto always calls yuu “son”

if he calls him by his full name, he’s either sad or annoyed w him

during family gatherings, yuuma is the star of the show bc of his superb cooking skills

he and fuyumi get along great

and surprisingly enough, bakugo adores the kid even though the same can’t be said for todoroki himself

yuuma wants to open a restaurant and he’s a little afraid of his father’s reaction

little does he know, shouto is ready to hand over his black card at moment’s notice purrr✨

he’s a really supportive father and he has his hiccups, but todo tries his very best and his son makes him impossibly proud every day

oh and did i mention they wear matching sweaters?

they’re that kind of family

it’s so cute i could die

Midoriya Izuku:

midoriya was born and bred to be a father

change my mind

i mean look at that face

that’s daddy material to me 😌

anyways

midoriya has two girls that are about a year apart

due to the immense pressure of being with the #1 hero and an unwillingness to be a mother, his then girlfriend at the time suddenly left him, signing over all maternal rights to the hero

it just crushed izuku

he spent weeks trying to look for her and to make it work

he wanted his girls to have a two-parent household, but she went radio silent

it was a difficult adjustment

but deku is the most ambitious and resiliant person on the planet so he was devoted to giving them the best lif he could

and ofc he had the support of all his friends and his mother

but there were a lot of ups and downs

mostly downs in the first year being a single parent

at the time, his youngest wasn’t even one whiles eldest was almost two

and izuku worked a lot

being #1 meant he was the country’s go-to whenever something happened and he missed a lot of stuff he’d never get to redo

like his youngest, Maia’s, first word which was “bunny”

and the first time his oldest, Naomi, went to the bathroom by herself

and izuku will never forget the day he came to pick his kids up after being on a week long international mission

when he reached out for them, they looked at him as if they didn’t know who he was

izuku spent the entire night crying in inko’s arms

the next morning, he only had to deliver some paperwork, but everyone noticed the usually chipper hero’s sour mood and stayed clear from his path

even bakugo and todoroki felt chills when izuku passed by

it was tough, but deku was determined

he started taking up night shifts so he could be there for his girls during the day

he’d pick them up from inko’s right after work and spend the day playing with them

izuku stayed up on a dangerous amount of caffeine and will power

there were days he literally passed out from exhaustion, but it was worth it to see them through their milestones

when Naomi went to kindergarten, he couldn’t stop buzzing around w excitement

he just adored listening her ramble on about what she learned and that persisted on even as she grew

like, she’s a genius

she was his doppleganger in intellect and resilience

she’s def a daddy’s girl and although she’s not as empathetic as her father, they’re very close

naomi is an excellent older sister and stepped up early when izuku couldn’t always be there

maia is izuku’s match in personality

she’s very sweet, a bit more extroverted, and compassionate

but pls don’t get it twisted, that girl gives the fam a run for their money

she’s got izuku’s righteousness but heightened 100x and with a lot more anger

the girl’s got quite the mean mug and she got hands highkey

they both do tbh (i mean, izuku is their dad...)

the amount of fights naomi’s had to back her up in is ridiculous 😭

they’re two peas in a pod tho so if you mess w one sister, you mess w both ‼️

regardless of all that, izuku wouldn’t change them for anything

he’s the type to obnoxiously kiss them on their cheeks before school

they’ll take turns doing each other’s hair

izuku gets pigtails that he proudly wears to work

deku has a private instagram that is so filled with those two, sometimes ppl forget it’s his

he def has a “girl dad” t-shirt

he calls them his angels 🥺

i see him getting a tattoo of their names on his arm or something

they’re all cry babies so when they get into arguments, it doesnt last long

both girls went to UA to be heroes and izuku’s heart just soars with pride every day

he also cried an obnoxious amount and for some odd reason, kept popping up for “demonstrative purposes”

they had to have a family talk so they could tell him to stop babying them in the kindest way possible

and by that i mean, naomi said it bluntly and maia did damage control lmao

overall, izuku loves those girls more than life and they love him just the same

raising them was a rollercoaster, but he’d do it all over again in a heartbeat

Sero Hanta:

another one that just looks like he’d be an amazing father

please have my children sir

sero is one of the few that was actually looking to adopt a kid

he came from a large family and desired connection with a family of his own

he tried a for a while, but it never seemed to happen

until he came about a small girl he met on the off chance of passing by her hospital room when he was getting a quick check up

she was one of the children they saved on a mission and when he saw her curled up on the hospital bed that seemed to swallow her whole, his feet moved on their own

the girl, Keiko, was left injured and an orphan, yet despite her circumstances, she was just a joy to be around

sero spent the rest of visiting time with her and just knew she was it for him

she was very sick so he’d spend his breaks visiting her at the hospital

keiko was a huge cellophane fan and it just melted his heart 🥺

she’d have a huge smile on her face, unabashedly showing off her missing front tooth, every time he walked in

they’d spend hours just drawing or talking about their day

when sero shyly brought up the possibility of adopting her, keiko could barely contain herself

she drew him one of her best pieces as a thank you and sero still has it hanging on his mirror to this day ❤️

keiko’s actually quite the artist so there’s many more up there to keep it company

the adjustment period went smoother than anticipated

the girl had her moments and hanta was getting used to being a 24/7 parent, but it was like they quickly acted as if they had been blood related their entire lives

they are ride or dies for each other LMAO

they don’t argue

like at all

the worst they ever got was when keiko rushed to help her father on the job when she happened to see him get hurt

sero yelled at her in panic

it was so startling that they avoided each other for the time being

but a few hours later, sero went and apologized

and that was that

keiko had frequent nightmares and sero would sacrfice copious hours of sleep so that he could turn on the projecter and give her a run down about every star in the “sky” before she falls asleep

he actually bought and named a star after her for her first bday with him

sero pats her head a lot and she hates it

he calls her squirt, sport, kid, and princess if they’re having a soft moment

they have an unholy amount of matching onsies

the kid was already getting to the stage where she wanted to be independent, but she would let her father pick out her outfits sometimes

only bc he put a lot of effort into doing it

aka, she caught him crying over cute pintrest pics bc he’s a simp

okay but sero really, isn’t much of a crier, but he’s sentimental asf

every milestone is recorded

every school night, he’s there (she was a good kid, so he all but gloats w pride after every visit w the teachers)

any drawing she makes, he has

he’ll do anything to be there for his daughter so it really crushed him when he couldn’t go to her high school’s father daughter dance

sero had a mission he couldnt get out of and he was sorely pissed off about it

keiko assured her father that it was okay and that it was corny anyways

but he could hear the disappointment in her voice

he made kirishima go with her anyways bc he didnt want her to miss out on the experience

and you bet your ass that when she came back home, sero was there in a tux with the living room set up to make it up to her

it is just as cheesy as you think it is, but they’re cute so who cares

also the way they both can dance is crazyyyyyy

rhythm isn’t even the word

if there was a competition for best father-daughter dance duo, they would win every time! and i stand by that!

they have at least one viral tiktok dance they did together

sero’s not the emotional type, but the first time keiko had a boyfriend he def made a threat or two to him

it was actually so scary

anyways

they’re honestly the cutest duo and everyone on the block agrees

i love it ❤️

#bnha headcanons #mha headcanons #shouto todoroki #izuku midoriya #sero hanta #father!bnha #single!dad headcanons #can you tell how much i love this idea #i love when the bnha characters are happy <3 #also supriseeee shawtyy

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teenwolffanclub-me · 4 years

Text

Season 1, Episode 12: Code Breaker

Hey there beautiful reader! If you’re new here, this is a series I’m writing where each chapter is an episode from the first season of Teen Wolf. If you’ve been here before, hey! I missed you! Previous and future chapters are linked at the end of each part if you want to catch up.

Pairing: Stiles x Psychic! Reader

Warnings: two very justified character deaths

Notes: I feel like I blacked out and now we’re somehow on the last episode. Not sure how that happened so fast but here we are. Just prepare yourself bc this one is entirely too long but I didn’t want to do two parts 🤷‍♀️

Does anyone want me to continue with Season 2? Please let me know bc I won’t do it unless people are actually interested.

I also wanted to give a shoutout to everyone who has sent me nice comments and showed love on this series. It’s meant the absolute world to me!

Okay now let’s get some closure!

————————

I walked through the hallways of the high school, using every ounce of willpower I could muster to keep my eyes firmly planted in front of me.

The pressure of dozens of curious stares weighed on my back as I made my way toward the lockers briskly. From the moment I walked through the doors a few minutes ago, all eyes had been on me. I squared my shoulders and forced my head to remain up high.

If people wanted to gossip, they could go right ahead.

My pace quickened as I heard the unmistakable sound of judgmental whispering behind me. I pinched my eyes shut tightly and tried my best to block out the irritating noise. I just wanted to get my books and go to class. At least there, I would see Scott, Stiles, and Allison.

Once I reached my locker, I shakily dialed in my code and popped the small metal door open. I instantly stumbled back, my eyes going wide as a shit ton of dirt came spilling out. I stood still for a few seconds, blinking slowly as I tried figuring out what the hell just happened.

With a frown, I wiped my hands against my jeans, which were now covered in the stuff. My eyes flickered down toward the pile of soil on the tiles in front of my feet, my brows furrowing in confusion.

How the hell did that much dirt get into my locker? How did any dirt get into my locker?

I glanced around the hall slowly, anxious to see my classmates reactions. I was already the weird girl after everything at the dance. I didn’t want to be the even weirder girl who keeps dirt in the locker.

A surprised breath left my lips as I saw that the halls were now completely empty. I turned all the way around, peering in both directions, but there wasn’t a single soul here with me. My head started pounding and I winced at the unexpected sensation before rubbing at my temples gently.

I swiveled back toward my locker, wanting nothing more than for this day to be over. Maybe everyone was right. Maybe I wasn’t ready for this yet. I instantly froze at the sight of a single purple flower sitting in the middle of the dirt pile. I was almost certain it hadn’t been there a moment before.

My heartbeat thrummed loudly in my ears as I reached a trembling hand inside the small space. I tentatively plucked the plant, which I easily recognized as wolfsbane, out of the soil. My eyes flickered around the purple leaves and long, green stem as my confusion only grew.

Just then, an ear piercing scream echoed through the halls. I whipped around, instantly going rigid when I saw that I was no longer in the school, but standing in the middle of the lacrosse field.

I glanced around the empty stadium, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Did I suddenly develop the ability to teleport? Or was I losing my damn mind? My eyes trailed downward as I felt cool air brush against my legs. My breath hitched as I saw that I was wearing my formal dress. The navy fabric was covered in blood and dirt, the strap on my left shoulder torn to shreds.

A bolt of fear licked up my spine as I heard rustling directly in front of me. My gaze slowly swept upward before landing on a pair of glowing red eyes that were illuminated in the shadowy distance. My eyes pinched shut as terror coursed through me when they started moving closer.

“It’s not real.” The mantra was a shaky whisper as my body trembled. “It’s not real. It’s not—”

Just then, my eyes jerked open on their own accord. I bolted upright with a harsh gasp, my throat constricting painfully as I sputtered and coughed a few times. One of my hands came up to clutch at my chest as I tried desperately to catch my breath.

Only a split second passed before Stiles flailed into a sitting position beside me. He whipped his head from side to side with wide eyes, as if searching for the cause of my panic. Once his attention landed back on me, he instantly pulled me into his chest and began murmuring lowly.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” One of his hands rubbed at my back while the other cradled my head against him.

“Lydia...” I gasped, my breath coming out in quick, trembling spurts. The dream had been some sort of vision or clue...it just had to be.

“Lydia’s alright, okay? They’re gonna find her.” Stiles’ fingers threaded through my hair and massaged my scalp soothingly.

“What? What is it? What happened?” Scott’s head suddenly popped up at the foot of my bed, his hair so messy it looked like he’d been hurled through a tornado.

“Another nightmare.” I breathed, feeling my heartrate dropping back down to normal as Stiles’ hands continued rubbing against me gently.

Scott sighed from the floor, his shoulders sagging in relief. One of his hands came up to massage the back of his neck and he grimaced uncomfortably. “Cool. Is it my turn on the bed yet?”

“You can curl up down here if you want, like a good puppy.” Stiles smirked at his own joke as one of his hands left me to point toward our feet.

“Scott, just go sleep in your own bed. It’s literally right there.” I gestured to my window, which faced his, and slowly pulled away from Stiles.

As much as I would love to stay in his arms forever, I had to learn to get ahold of myself on my own. They couldn’t keep babying me. Both of them had done nothing but obsess over my health from the moment I was discharged out of the hospital two days ago.

Scott had refused to leave my side since I’d gotten home, other than the brief moments he made appearances in his own house so that his mom knew he was still alive. He insisted it was to keep an eye on me, and that was partially true, but he was also basically in hiding right now.

Jackson, being the wonderful friend that he is, somehow found the time to tell Mr. Argent that Scott is the beta they’ve been looking for, kindly adding on to our reasons-life-is-currently-terrible list.

“And let you guys have all the fun without me?” Scott mumbled sarcastically and leaned back to lay on the pillow and blanket I’d set up for him on the hardwood floor.

This had been our routine for two days. Mom banned me from having any visitors while I recover, but that hadn’t stopped Scott from staying or Stiles from sneaking in after school. Each night, I could barely make it through a few hours of sleep at a time before jerking awake from yet another nightmare. Or maybe they were visions. I honestly had no idea.

My days had also been...weird, to say the least. Most of the time, it was hard to tell whether or not I was awake. My sense of reality was seriously fucked up. I was having almost constant visions and dreams, and they never made any sense. It felt like my subconscious was trying to tell me something, but in another language I had yet to learn.

Lydia was still missing, and I was beyond worried sick. Sheriff Stilinski and the entire police department had searched every square inch of Beacon Hills over the course of the last two days, and hadn’t found a single trace of her.

Aside from that shitshow, I also hadn’t spoken to Allison since the last time I’d seen her at the dance. No one had, actually.

Scott—when he wasn’t fawning over me—was losing his mind because apparently while I was being a dumbass and getting myself bitten, Mr. Argent somehow made him shift in front of Allison. Then, he shipped her and Kate off to an undisclosed location until further notice.

I’d sent her a few texts since being home, but she only responded once. The words had replayed in my mind over and over for several hours after reading them as I tried figuring out an acceptable response.

You knew the whole time, didn’t you?

I eventually decided not to answer at all. What could I say? I’d kept something huge from her, although it was never really my secret to tell anyway. She had every right to be pissed off. I wanted to address it in person and, honestly, didn’t have the mental capacity to worry much about it right now.

I blinked a few times, feeling myself come back from my dazed thoughts as Scott and Stiles’ voices fluttered back to my ears. I’d been doing that a lot, too. Getting lost in my mind for several minutes at a time, if not longer. I felt a curious gaze on my face and took in a slow, deep breath before lifting my head to meet Stiles’ eyes.

My heart clenched uncomfortably in my chest at the look he was giving me. It was the same expression that had been etched into his face ever since I’d woken up in the hospital. It was like he was afraid I would try to kill him at any given moment, while simultaneously worrying that I’d suffer a mental break or croak on the spot.

I heard the rumbling sound of snoring from the floor and knew that Scott was already out cold again.

“I’m sorry I woke you.” I sighed, suddenly feeling exhausted. I glanced at the alarm clock on my bedside table, noting with a regretful wince that it was three in the morning. He had school in only a few hours.

Stiles’ eyes inspected me tenderly, rounding with concern as he reached out to tuck a stray clump of hair behind my ear gently. “I wasn’t sleeping. You stole my pillow, so...”

I couldn’t help but chuckle at that. He apparently couldn’t sleep without the thing and had brought it with him each night. It was quite possibly the most adorable thing ever.

“I’m still sorry.” My voice was barely above a whisper as I looked down toward my lap and fidgeted with my fingers.

Ever since I was bitten I’d felt...different. Like a burden. Out of control. It was as if my mind was warring with itself all day, every day. I had a constant nagging fear that I was forgetting something important. It was like it was on the tip of my tongue, but I just couldn’t remember.

Stiles leaned toward me slowly and cupped my cheek before placing a gentle kiss on my forehead. His fingers trailed down to brush against the side of my neck before tangling in the hair at the base of my skull. His free hand came up to the other side of my head and he pulled it down against his chest. My eyes fluttered shut as a sigh left my lips.

A sense of peace always washed over me when he was near. Despite everything going on, all it took was a small touch to quiet my racing mind. I felt myself relaxing, if only slightly, in his arms. A moment later, I leaned back to look at him again, my stomach fluttering at the intense gleam of worry shining in his caramel eyes.

“There’s something wrong with me, isn’t there?” My voice broke and I furrowed my brows as traitorous tears filled my eyes. I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want to feel sorry for myself. I wanted to get better.

Stiles glanced fleetingly at the place where Peter had bitten me, but jerked his attention back to my face quickly, probably hoping I hadn’t noticed. “Whatever it is...we’ll figure it out.”

Somehow, his response wasn’t all that comforting. I didn’t doubt for a second that he’d be there for me every step of the way as I went through whatever this was. I’d watched how he helped Scott during the early stages of his transformation, and it was admirable. But I didn’t want there to be anything wrong. I didn’t want there to be anything different about me.

I just wanted to be normal.

“C’mere...” Stiles opened his arms and I couldn’t help but instantly fall into them.

He pulled me tight against him and leaned back, snagging his pillow from my side of the bed on the way down. My eyes fluttered shut as I laid there on top of him, my legs between his and my head resting above his heart.

I listened to the steady rhythm of his pulse, feeling it lull me to sleep within seconds.

————————

I leaned back against my headboard, adjusting the book that rested atop my knees. My bottom lip was tucked between my teeth anxiously as I flipped another page. I narrowed my eyes as they swept over the words, urging my mind to comprehend them. I just couldn’t. I was way too distracted.

My eyes flickered up to find Scott lounging in my desk chair across the room. He was playing some game on his phone and it was making this annoying boing sound every few seconds. It was starting to drive me crazy, but it wasn’t the only thing causing my jitters.

I glanced away from him to look out my open window and sighed heavily. It was already dark outside, and Stiles wasn’t here yet.

It wasn’t usually like me to jump to conclusions, but considering the state of our lives right now, it wasn’t a stretch to be worried. At this point, though, I was moving toward a full on panic attack. School ended six hours ago. What could he possibly be doing?

I opened my mouth to voice my concern, but never got a chance as Scott interrupted me before I could get even a single word out.

“He’s fine.” He said absently, his eyes never leaving his phone’s screen.

My eyebrows twitched up in surprise. “How did you know...”

“I can hear your heart racing.” He sighed and finally dropped his phone onto my desk before lifting his eyes to meet mine. “You either just ran a marathon, or you’re worried about something. That something is usually Stiles. And he’s fine.”

I rolled my lips into a tight line at the way he’d just read me so easily. “But it’s already—”

Just then, something thumped outside my window loudly. I stiffened at the sound, and Scott perked up in his chair, instantly on high alert. There was a low groan before a figure clambered through the opening. I instantly knew it was Stiles as I caught sight of his red flannel. He flailed to the floor spastically with a yelp and I slammed my book closed before bolting to my feet.

I rushed to his side, my arms wrapping around him as he struggled to get up. His chest heaved with ragged breaths as if he’d run the whole way here.

“Where were you? Are you okay? What happened?” I couldn’t stop the panicked words from tumbling past my lips.

My eyes trailed over him quickly to assess for any damage. His freckled cheeks were flushed and the top three buttons on his flannel were undone, exposing his white undershirt. He looked a little roughed up, but not hurt.

He finally stood up straight and his eyes widened when they met mine, as if only just then realizing that I was beside him. He gripped my upper arms sternly before walking me backward.

“What are you doing? Get back in bed.” I had no choice but to plop down onto the mattress as the back of my knees ran right into it.

“Don’t change the subject, Stilinski.” I frowned up at him and his eyes twitched in warning.

“Oh, God. Please don’t make me listen to another who’s more worried about who fight. I might seriously puke this time.” Scott practically threw himself onto the bed beside me, a look of feigned disgust taking over his face.

My eyes swept toward him and narrowed into a glare only briefly, as my attention moved back to Stiles when he started talking again.

“Moving on.” He sent a pointed look Scott’s way before continuing, his hands gesturing quickly in front of him. He was anxious, that much was obvious. “I had a uh...talk with Chris—”

“Who?” I interrupted, thrown off by the unfamiliar name.

Stiles’ eyes twitched at me in annoyance as he flailed one of his arms in a circle, signaling that we didn’t have much time. “Argent.”

“You call Allison’s dad Chris?” My voice rose in disbelief. Since when was that a thing?

“Oh my God. This is important, okay? He tried to get me and Jackson to tell him where Scott is and—”

Scott sprang upright on the bed, his eyes wide with alarm. “Why were you with Jackson?”

“Can I just finish? Is that alright with you two?” Stiles’ voice rose in frustration, his eyes pinching shut for a brief moment after he shouted.

Both Scott and I froze and he sighed before running a hand down his face. His gaze flickered to Scott as he extended a hand out apprehensively. “He’s literally planning to kill you. Tonight. Okay? So you can’t—”

Scott suddenly rose to his feet, his face tight with determination. “I need to find Derek.”

Stiles’ fingers curled into a fist, still hanging in the air, as he pursed his lips when Scott brushed past him. “Why do we keep going back to him? He’s like your abusive ex, okay? You have a problem. And did you miss the part where I just said you could be murdered by werewolf hunters at any given moment?”

“If the Argents are after me, he’s the only one who can help.” Scott braced his hands against my windowsill and turned to glare at Stiles over his shoulder.

Before either of us could ask him what he was doing, he doubled over with a low groan. I realized he was shifting and tentatively slid back on my mattress, not sure what was going on. I knew he would never hurt me, but I hadn’t seen anything supernatural since being bitten. It instantly had me on edge.

Then, he jerked upright and howled loudly into the dark sky.

I winced at the deep, rumbling sound, feeling a painful twinge in my head. One of my hands came up to cradle my temple as my lips parted in a silent gasp. The noise was vibrating all the way in my bones, overwhelming every one of my senses. I felt myself slipping away from the present, my eyes wide but unfocused. I faintly registered an arm wrapping around my back as Stiles rushed to kneel in front of me.

His free hand cupped my face, his lips moving rapidly as he tried to bring me back. I suddenly had the strong urge to close my eyes, so I let them flutter down slowly. Instantly, my breath caught as an image of Derek’s house popped into my mind. There were way too many things happening to decipher any of it. My brows furrowed as I tried making sense of what I was seeing.

The clearest picture was the most gruesome. Blood. Everywhere.

A painful spasm in my left shoulder had my eyes jerking open. They met Stiles’ wide, panicked gaze as he hovered only a few inches away from me. With a snap, his and Scott’s voices rushed into my ears.

“What the hell did you do to her?” Stiles practically yelled, his voice tight with anxiety and a hint of anger. His hands were clutching my arms as he jostled me awake.

Scott appeared at his side above me, his face crumbled in horror. “I-I didn’t do anything! I didn’t mean to...”

“I think I know where to find him.” I interrupted breathily, blinking a few times to focus my eyes. I sat up with a groan, my head pounding harshly. Stiles tightened his grip on me as he tried to keep me steady. “His house. I saw it.”

Scott’s face dropped from beside me, his brows furrowing as his lips pulled into a frown. “So did I.”

We shared a long, curious glance. I had no idea what that meant, and judging by the glint of wonder reflecting in his eyes, neither did he.

“So we’re just not gonna talk about whatever that was?” Stiles asked incredulously. He e took a step away from me and shrugged sarcastically with a tilt of his head.

“We don’t have time.” I pushed myself up to my feet and strode toward my closet hurriedly.

It was freezing outside by now, and I wanted to be prepared for once. I rustled through my sweaters until I found one I didn’t mind ruining. My shoulder protested each movement as I wrestled it over my head, but I tried my best to ignore it. I turned on my heel to face the guys and froze at the looks they were giving me.

Scott seemed hesitant, but didn’t look like he was going to argue, while Stiles was very much unimpressed.

“That’s funny.” He laughed humorlessly and pointed at me. “It looks like you think you’re going somewhere.”

I frowned at his demanding tone. “I’m sorry, are you my mother? No? Okay. That’s what I thought.”

I brushed past him to find a pair of socks in my dresser. If he thought he was going to start telling me what to do just because we’re dating, he had another thing coming. My eyes flickered up to meet his in the mirror as I heard rustling behind me.

“You can’t seriously—” His mouth opened and closed a few times as he tried to find the right words. I pulled out a mismatched pair of socks and turned to lean against the dresser as I slid them on. “Scott, tell her how stupid this is.”

“Hell no. I’m not getting involved.” He glanced between us with wide eyes, lifting his hands in surrender.

“If we don’t go now, Derek is going to die.” I forced the words out through clenched teeth, growing impatient. Somehow, I knew that’s the future we were up against, despite not having actually seen it happen. I just knew.

“Since when do we care about that?” Stiles swiveled his head as his eyebrows rose in question.

Scott stepped forward, suddenly looking pensive. “I’m not going to just let him die.”

“I’m the only sane one left...” Stiles muttered to himself, throwing his hands up in exasperation.

After several more minutes of pointless arguing, a very disgruntled Stiles finally agreed to drive us to Derek’s. The three of us had barely made it a few steps outside the Jeep before he came barreling from the house, looking unpleasant as ever.

“What the hell are you doing? None of you should be here right now.” His angry voice echoed through the trees as he continued stalking forward until he stood right in front of us.

“Finally, someone’s making—oh my God!” Stiles didn’t have a chance to finish his thought as an arrow came out of nowhere and embedded itself into Derek’s shoulder.

My eyes widened in shock and I whipped around just as another arrow came from the trees to land in his thigh. He crumpled to the ground with a groan, clutching at his injuries.

“Close your eyes!” He shouted and tucked his face into his elbow.

Long fingers clasped around my bicep and I was jerked to the side before another hand shoved my head into a warm chest. I screwed my eyes shut tightly, a quiet boom sounding beside us. Stiles and I separated quickly to see what it was, but my eyes landed on Scott instead.

He was crouched down on all fours, blinking rapidly. He hadn’t been fast enough. He squinted into the distance and I followed his line of sight, but came up empty.

Derek grunted lowly as he broke off the shafts of each arrow that still lay inside him. He stumbled to his feet and grabbed Scott by the collar of his jacket. “Get to the house!”

Stiles and I didn’t hesitate to obey as we bolted in that direction, our hands tangled together. We only made it about halfway before Derek slumped to the ground behind us, exhausted. I staggered to a halt at the sound and nearly lost my balance when Stiles continued moving.

His eyes flickered from me to the place where Scott and Derek lay crumpled on the ground in a moment of hesitation. With a grimace, he let me go and we both jogged their way.

“No! Go!” Derek’s head popped up and he tried waving us off, but it was too late.

I froze, partially crouched beside him, as a thin figure emerged from the darkness. She was stomping toward us with a huge bow slung over her shoulder. The dim light from Derek’s porch illuminated her face as she neared us, and my breath caught in my throat. It was the last person I expected to see.

“Allison, I can explain—” Scott immediately stammered desperately, still trying to get his bearings after being stunned by the flash bullet. I realized at then that it was the same type she’d tried out with me and Lydia the week before formal.

“Stop lying.” She barked, her voice tight with built up anger. Her eyes flickered up to meet mine, my chest tightening at the intense betrayal swirling inside them. “All of you, for once, stop lying.”

“I was gonna tell you the truth. I was gonna tell you everything at the formal.” Scott rushed the words out in a panic as he shuffled backward to match each step she took toward him. “Everything that I said...everything I did...”

“Was to protect me.” She finished with a humorless scoff, fingers tightening around the arrow she held at her side.

“Yes.” He instantly confirmed, pleading with her to understand.

I knew exactly how she felt. Being kept in the dark sucked, no matter which way it was spun. Maybe she had been safer this whole time because she didn’t know. Or maybe all his secret did was create an irreparable wedge between them. She was bound to find out eventually, considering who her family was, and this whole mess was probably the worst way it could’ve happened.

Allison’s eyes glistened as she peered down at him, her hardened mask of hatred cracking just slightly. Her voice trembled as a few tears escaped down her cheeks. “I don’t believe you.”

“Thank God!” I jumped at the sudden voice from the darkness, and watched as Kate stalked out of the tree line with a roll of her eyes. “Now shoot him before I have to shoot myself.”

My heart leapt into my throat at her words. With Scott dazed and Derek seriously injured, there wasn’t much we could do to stop her from killing either one of them. The reality of our situation hit me like a ton of bricks. Stiles and I were utterly useless.

“Y-you said we were just going to catch them.” Allison sputtered, head jerking toward her aunt in surprise.

“Yeah, and we did that. Now we’re going to kill them.” Kate raised an arm absently and shot a bullet right into Derek’s chest as she passed by, not even sparing him a glance. “See? Not that hard.”

I gasped at the unexpected act of violence, my jaw going slack. He instantly fell against the damp ground, motionless.

Holy shit. Oh my God. Is he actually dead?

Allison’s horrified expression matched mine, more tears coating her face as she stared at Derek’s lifeless body. She stiffened when her aunt joined her in front of Scott, who was still gaping from his crouched position.

“Oh no, not that look.” Kate mused, not sounding the least bit genuine. “That’s the you’re going to have to do it yourself look.”

She raised her gun toward Scott’s chest, a manic grin pulling at her lips. I moved without thinking, taking a big step in their direction. Allison instantly started freaking out and tried to put herself between them, but Kate shoved her away harshly.

She tumbled to the ground just as a hand clasped around my wrist to stop me. I yanked against it, my chest tightening with panic. I had to get over there. I had to help.

“Y/N! Y/N, stop!” Stiles yelled frantically from behind me, his hold falling loose as I continued struggling against him.

I ran forward and staggered to a halt beside Kate, who was still pointing the gun at Scott, having no idea what to do now that I was here. She glanced toward me and sighed with a disinterested roll of her eyes. Before I even fully registered that she moved, I was already on the ground. She’d whipped the gun against the side of my face harshly, white hot pain instantly rippling through my head.

“No!” I heard Allison shout in horror.

A groan trembled past my lips as I shakily pulled myself up onto my elbows. My vision blurred as Scott jerked upright, about to rush to my side before Kate aimed the gun at his chest again. He froze, his wide eyes never leaving me. I brought a hand up to my temple and hissed when my fingers landed on a warm trickle of blood.

“Ah, ah...” Kate tutted, amusement shining in her eyes as she glanced behind me, gun following the movement.

I turned my head and saw Stiles freeze mid-sprint toward me. His eyes narrowed into an angry glare as his jaw clenched tightly, but he didn’t move an inch. I let out a huff, growing frustrated by this whole stupid situation, and swept my gaze back to Kate.

“Just shoot someone already.” I barked, annoyed with her games.

Was it stupid to taunt the person with the weapon? Yes. Did I give a fuck? No. At this point, I was more angry than anything. We’d spent months fighting and tracking the alpha—Peter—as he went on a bloodthirsty rampage through Beacon Hills. We’d nearly died in the school, and at the movie store, and in these very woods. Several times.

Lydia and I had been bitten, and Stiles’ dad was close to a nervous breakdown because nothing in this town makes any goddamn sense unless you’re risking your life everyday just by knowing about the supernatural. And now, we had to deal with Allison’s batshit crazy family, on top of everything.

I just wanted it to be over.

Kate huffed out a surprised laugh and pointed the gun at me again. “What poetic last words.”

“No! Leave her alone! I’m the one you want.” Scott shouted desperately, stumbling upright from his position in the dirt.

An evil smirk twitched at her lips as she ignored him. I watched her pointer finger tighten on the trigger and held my breath as I waited for the inevitable.

“Kate!” A deep voice boomed from behind me, making her pause. I instantly recognized that it was Allison’s dad. “I know what you did.”

The amusement dropped from her face at his words and her eyes flickered up toward the house for a brief moment.

“Put the gun down.” Mr. Argent ordered, dried leaves crunching beneath his shoes as he walked toward us.

“I did what I was told to do.” Kate jutted her hand toward me as she enunciated each word curtly.

I stiffened, very aware that her finger, which still rested against the gun’s trigger, could set it off at any moment. My pulse hammered in my ears loudly and my entire body began trembling as my fear suddenly caught up with me.

“No one asked you to murder innocent people. There were children in that house.”

My mind raced as I slowly pieced together what he was saying. The fire. It was Kate. But why? Why would she murder an entire family?

“Ones that were human. Look what you’re doing now, you’re holding a gun at sixteen year old kids. No proof they’ve spilled human blood.” He continued, his voice harsh and unfeeling. “Now, put the gun down...before I put you down.”

My eyes widened at his threat. Would he really kill his own sister?

Kate stared at him for a few long moments, her face crumbling in disbelief. Finally, she lowered her arm back down to her side. I let out a heavy breath of relief, but didn’t move from my crouched position in front of her. A loud creak from the house had everyone’s attention jerking toward it.

The front door swung open slowly, nothing but darkness behind it.

“Kids, get back.” Allison’s dad ordered gruffly as he cocked his gun and aimed it at the decrepit structure.

Scott stumbled to his feet, but didn’t make a move to run and hide as instructed. Allison joined his side a moment later, her bow and arrow cocked and aimed at the house. I heard quick steps behind me a moment before strong arms wrapped around my waist and hauled me to my feet.

Stiles whipped me around to face him, and I winced as my head throbbed in protest. His hands came up to cradle the sides of my face, his fingers turning red as my blood smeared onto his skin. His wide eyes flickered around my body frantically, as if not fully believing that I was right here in front of him.

He suddenly jerked me toward him and smashed his lips against mine, pouring every emotion he’d just gone through into the kiss. I responded instantly, my hands fisting the warm material of his flannel as I pulled him closer. It was over much too soon as he pulled back with a shaky breath of relief.

“God, I’m so mad at you right now. I could literally kill you.” His eyes twitched as he continued inspecting me for any hidden injuries.

“Wouldn’t that be a little counterproductive?” I chuckled despite the situation, and he just glared at me.

“What is it?” My attention jerked back to Allison at the sound of her panicked voice. I’d nearly forgotten what was going on outside the peaceful bubble that was Stiles.

I turned back toward the house and saw Scott’s eyes flash bright yellow as he peered through the opened front door. “It’s the alpha.”

At his declaration, a huge black mass raced out of the house, moving impossibly fast. It dashed around the area in a big circle before turning abruptly and knocking Mr. Argent right off his feet. He flew into the air before landing heavily, instantly passing out cold as his head slammed against the dirt.

Allison cried out and made a move to help him, but quickly found herself in no better shape as the alpha rammed into her next. Only a second later, Scott was groaning as he lay in a heap beside her on the leaf covered ground. My heart slammed against my ribs painfully as my head whipped from side to side, trying to see where he was now.

All the air rushed from my lungs as a powerful force shoved against mine and Stiles’ sides. His arms instantly wrapped around my waist, and mine around his shoulders. We held onto each other tightly as we flew several feet through the air. At the last second, Stiles shifted us so that he would take the brunt of the fall. He hissed in pain as his back slammed onto the dirt, and I quickly scrambled to get off of him.

“Come on!” Kate’s angry voice echoed through the trees as she jerked her gun around in a circle. She was the only one left standing.

I wrapped an arm around Stiles and helped him sit up. He waved me off, muttering something about being fine, and I huffed in annoyance. At this point I was convinced that he was physically unable to help himself from downplaying his own struggles.

I was about to argue with him, but froze when Peter emerged from the darkness to stand threatening behind Kate. He snatched the arm that held her gun and wrenched it behind her with ease. She grunted in pain as he twisted it with a snap, two shots firing into the sky as they struggled.

She had no choice but to release the gun. It landed on the ground with a dull thud as he gripped her by the throat and tossed her in the air like a ragdoll. She crashed onto the porch, a cloud of dust rising all around her as she shakily pushed herself up.

Peter wasted no time in striding up the broken steps. He bent down and grabbed Kate violently before pressing her back to his chest, holding her in place with his claws at her neck.

“No!” Allison suddenly shouted and sprinted toward them.

My eyes widened in horror. What the hell did she think she was doing? I made a move to follow her, but Stiles wrapped both arms around my waist tightly. I pulled against him for a few seconds, but stopped when Peter’s voice echoed toward us.

“She is beautiful, Kate. She looks like you, only not as damaged. So I’m going to give you a chance to save her.” My breath hitched as he addressed Allison and I started thrashing against Stiles again. I couldn’t let her get hurt. I couldn’t let anyone else I care about become one of his victims. “Apologize. Say you’re sorry for decimating my family, for leaving me burned and broken for six years. Say it, and I’ll let her live.”

A tense moment of silence passed as Kate seemed to weigh her options. Finally, she choked the words out the best she could. “I’m...sorry.”

A small, satisfied smile tugged at Peter’s lips before he ripped her throat out with his claws. My jaw dropped as blood splattered across every nearby surface, my stomach churning at the violence of it all. Allison screamed, practically doubling over in horror as Kate crumpled to the porch with wide, empty eyes. Peter’s shoulders sagged as he let out a long sigh, a look of relief washing over him.

“I don’t know about you, Allison, but that apology didn’t sound very sincere.” His amused gaze bored into her wide, glistening eyes as he stalked down the steps.

By the time he had one foot on the dirt ground, Scott and Derek were crouched in front of her protectively. I hadn’t even noticed that Derek was still alive, let alone completely healed, but I was more than grateful.

“Run.” Scott grunted over his shoulder, and she didn’t hesitate to listen.

She sprinted toward me and Stiles, taking her bow with her, and immediately crumpled into my arms. A harsh sob wracked her body as I pulled her in tight. I felt Stiles’ hand on my back as he guided us hastily toward his Jeep. A few animalistic growls and roars sounded from behind us, and I knew they were fighting.

“I’m sorry.” Allison cried, pulling away from me to wipe at her face. “I’m so, so sorry. I-I didn’t know what happened with you and Lydia, and now Kate’s gone and—oh my God. I’m the worst friend ever.”

Stiles wrenched the passenger door open when we reached the car and I shoved Allison inside before crawling in behind her. Something snapped behind us, and I honestly wouldn’t have been surprised if they’d just uprooted a tree or completely destroyed the house.

“It’s okay.” I breathed, running a hand down Allison’s back as she continued blubbering. “We’re both terrible friends, honestly.”

“Wait.” She suddenly perked up, her eyes widening in horror. “My dad.”

Damnit. I‘d completely forgotten about him.

I turned to peer out the window and winced as Peter picked Derek up by the ankle and tossed him through the air. He crashed into Scott, who was trying to pull himself upright a few feet away, bringing him right back down harshly.

Peter snarled, seemingly losing control as he hunched over and shifted fully into a huge, terrifying beast. He roared loudly, baring his claws and stalking forward. He grabbed Derek by the throat and threw him into a nearby tree before turning back to Scott.

“I have to do something.” Stiles suddenly spoke up from the front seat. My head whipped in his direction as he threw open the driver’s side door and clambered onto the ground.

“What? No!” I immediately tumbled out behind him and watched with baited breath as he reached into the trunk.

My brows furrowed as I caught sight of a huge beaker in his hand. I barely had time to register that here was a yellow liquid swirling inside before he hurled it at Peter. As it flew toward him, I realized it was a Molotov cocktail, like the one Lydia showed us how to make when we were stuck inside the school. Peter caught it easily, his glowing red eyes snapping our way with a ferocious growl.

“Oh, damn...” Stiles instantly deflated and took a tentative step back.

My eyes widened as I whipped back around to face Allison, an idea suddenly popping into my head. She seemed to know exactly what I was thinking as she reached for her bow and instantly nocked the arrow into place. After taking only a moment to aim it out the opened window, she fired.

It hit the glass bottle dead center, and Peter’s left arm erupted in flames. He roared frantically and tried shaking the fire off, only managing to make it spread across his torso more quickly. Soon, his entire body was ablaze as he staggered around and howled in agony.

After a few long, torturous moments, he slumped down onto his knees in his human form. Thick smoke billowed from his charred skin as he sputtered and gasped for air. We all stood impossibly still, gaping at him in horror. I don’t think any of us had the slightest idea of what to do next.

Derek suddenly emerged from the house, his face a tight mask of fury. He stalked toward Peter, who now lay on his back, and stood over him with clenched fists.

“Wait!” Scott rose to his feet and stopped only a foot away from them, his eyes wide with panic. Derek’s hard glare never moved an inch. “You said the cure comes from the one who bit you. If you do this, I’m dead. What am I supposed to do?”

My attention snapped back toward him, surprised at his words. There was a cure? I had no idea what he was talking about, but it must’ve been important if he was this freaked out over it.

Derek’s eyes pinched shut and his jaw clenched tightly. He hesitated for only a brief moment before raising a clawed hand in the air.

“Wait! N-no! Don’t!” Scott's desperate plea fell on deaf ears as Derek brought his hand down to slash Peter’s throat.

Allison gasped from beside me, and I just stared ahead with wide eyes. My breath caught in my throat as I watched yet another person’s life fade away right in front of me. It was almost hard to believe, that he was actually dead. We’d all been through so much. It didn’t seem possible that it could all be over, just like that.

There had to be more.

Derek staggered to his feet and turned to glower at Scott over his shoulder. His canines elongated and his eyes flashed bright red before he uttered the words we were all dreading. The ones that would seal our fate for the foreseeable future.

“I’m the alpha now.”

Episode 11 Season 2, Episode 1 (Part One)

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tawmlinsun · 3 years

Text

@sinterblackwell tagged me for this book tag, so thank you kaylina! i’ve really gotten back into reading this summer so i’m v excited to get into these questions 🥰

how many books are too many books in a series?

oof i think 5 is kinda pushing it??? i mean i grew up with harry potter and percy jackson, but i probs wouldn’t pick up a new 5+ book series today. i’d honestly rather do 5+ stand alone books from a single author than a long series

how do you feel about cliffhangers?

depends on the book. i like having a complete story when i close a book, but i also enjoy cliffhangers that really push a series forward (though i hate the anticipation of waiting for the next book!!!). i feel like i know a good cliffhanger when i read it akldsjlaksdf

hardback or paperback?

paperback!!! hardcover books always feel too stiff in my hands. i like how pliable and light paperbacks are

least favorite book?

well i really hated the lord of the flies when i read it in high school asljasfk idk if it’s my absolute least favorite, but it’s defs up there, right along with ethan frome

love triangles, yes or no?

yes, when done right. love triangles for cheap and pointless drama suck. but love triangles that have a deeper meaning, where each suitor represents something different for the main character and lets them grow, are where it’s fucken at. the hunger games still has one of the best love triangles i’ve ever seen in YA. i also really liked the love triangle in kelly quindlen’s she drives me crazy, where scottie had to deal with developing feelings for someone new while still having lingering feelings for a toxic ex that she’s trying to heal from.

the most recent book you just couldn’t finish?

i actually hate not finishing books!!! the only time i don’t finish a book is when it’s an assignment for school and i just have so much going on that i don’t have time to finish. i’ve been out of school for a couple years now, but the last one i didn’t finish was beasts of burden: animal and disability liberation by sunaura taylor, which was for a disability theory class. i got about halfway through it, and i actually would like to finish it one day!!

a book you’re currently reading?

just picked up little black dresses, little white lies by laura stampler. i read it years ago and for some reason it kept popping out at me every time i walked by my bookshelf. nothing to write home about, but defs a cute and light read to end the summer. plus i’ve read three e-books in a row and i miss having a physical book in my hands 😂

last book you recommended to someone?

she drives me crazy by kelly quindlen. i rec’d it to my gf bc there were a lot of lil moments in it that reminded me of her 🥰

oldest book you’ve read?

off the top of my head i’d say the epic of gilgamesh. it was one of the first books i read my freshman year of college for my liberal arts core. that class was focused on ancient texts so we also read parts of the iliad and the bible (among many others i’m forgetting) but i think gilgamesh is the oldest

newest book you’ve read?

one last stop by casey mcquiston!!! adored it!! v excited for their wlw ya debut next year!!!!

favorite author?

i honestly have no idea. i spent my entire childhood saying jkr was my favorite author (🙃), but now that i’m getting back into reading as an adult, i think my favorite author is still to be discovered. i do really really love casey mcquiston’s writing tho!

buying books or borrowing books?

buying always!!! i enjoy borrowing from the library or from friends, but i love the feeling of buying a new book and making a lil home for it on my bookshelf that i can always come back to whenever i want to revisit the story. also i hate finding a story i love and then having to give up my copy at the end!!! i borrowed the song of achilles from a friend and now i need to buy a copy omg

a book you dislike that everyone else seems to love?

oooh dislike is a strong word for it, but maybe where the crawdads sing by delia owens. everyone i know who has read it has absolutely raved about it, but i just. wasn’t impressed. the ending was predictable and underwhelming, and the constant back-and-forth between coming-of-age story and murder mystery was off-putting and kept me disengaged from the book.

bookmarks or dog-ears?

bookmarks!!! i hate dog-earing my books asljask if pages get folded up by accident i will literally unfold them and then leave the book under a paperweight for a day or two to fix it 😂😂😂 the bookmark i’m using right now is from my fave lil indie bookshop in new hampshire

a book you can always reread?

my tried-and-true classic is audrey, wait! by robin benway. i read it for the first time in 7th grade (so literally half my life ago holy shit alksdjafsd) and the writing doesn’t really hold up now, but it just shaped me so much as a kid and will always always hold a place in my heart. i usually come back to it every year or two (and use the same bookmark every time lol)

can you read while listening to music?

yes, unless the book is super intense or complex. i couldn’t listen to music while doing any sort of reading for school, actually. and the music has to fit the book!! i read one last stop while listening to clairo’s immunity, and then listened to waterparks while reading one of us is lying.

one pov or multiple povs?

i prefer one pov, but do like multiple povs sometimes. if there are multiple povs, i like when there’s a rhythm to the pov switches (characters take every other chapter, or maybe two chapters in a row before switching, etc.)

do you read a book in one sitting or over multiple days?

multiple days, typically. i most often don’t have a long enough chunk of time on my hands to tear through a book in a single setting anyway lol

who do you tag?

i’m tagging: @lepetitepeach, @fatoujallovv, @sweetbitterpdf, @feathered-minds, @kritiquer, and @brieflygorgeouss 💖🌻💖🌻💖

#i feel like i've seen all of y'all talk about books recently????#or in the past aslkjfasjkf if not feel free to ignore #ily friends i hope you're all doing well ♥#about me

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one-more-fangirl · 3 years

Text

My everyday text (2) - Owen Joyner

(gif not mine! credits to owner)

owen joyner x oc

summary: oc goes to a party for halloween and calls owen drunk. he’s worried

warnings: underage drinking (bc rowe’s 20), swears, mentions of sex

a/n: this has a part one that i recommend you read to read this one and a part three that you can decide if you wanna read

masterlist

***

It was a day before Halloween, and I was debating on whether to stay in my apartment dressed up and with a marathon of Halloween movies and a bunch of sweets like I used to do with Mads, or go out with Nora and her now boyfriend and some friends to a college party. Nora was very adamant on the second one.

“I’m just saying, you’ve been very stressed lately and you deserve to let go and go crazy. Get in a hot or cute costume, have fun, get drunk if you want to, maybe meet someone” she gave me a suggestive look and I rolled my eyes “Oh come on, Rowan! You need to get laid!”

“Nora!” I laughed, this time getting her to roll her eyes “I don’t know if I want to meet someone, even if it’s just for a one-night-stand”

“Are you serious?! Rowe, you spent all last year with one-night-stands! Believe me, I know. I have a list”

“No you don’t” I gaped, but Nora only hummed nonchalantly “Why would you have that?!”

“Well, people were coming in and out of here at least three times a week, and I was thinking that maybe I should’ve started to make them pay rent, ‘cause they always ate something from our cupboards. But then I thought that that would technically make you a prostitute, so I decided against it” while I still looked at my friend with a slacked jaw, I found myself not finding it that weird. Conversations like this were normal around here.

“Doesn’t matter. I don’t want a one-night-stand, it feels wrong for some reason”

“Is this because of that boy you talk to on FaceTime?”

“Which one? I talk to Owen, Char and Jer” it was true.

I had talked to all three boys on FaceTime. I didn’t talk to Charlie or Jeremy as much as Owen, but we had still had our times when we’d kick Owen out of his own call and talked with them alone, and I liked to think of them as my new friends too. Other times I’d just hang up on him and call any of the others —that I knew, because apparently there were a lot of people in this secret project I didn’t know about—, and most of the time I talked with them it was just a massive group call of us being stupid. Same thing happened when Jadah joined Madi and I.

“Which one?” Nora asked incredulously “The blond! The one that flirts with you! The guy! You fucking wrote him a song, Rowan!”

“I wrote you a song too. And he can’t flirt for shit”

“But it’s different! You like this boy, there’s deep feelings in that song. Mine is literally about how much you love me because I bring you pizza”

“Okay so maybe I have a crush on Owen!” I admitted “It’s not like I’m gonna do something about it, you know what happened the last time I had a crush on a friend. I don’t want that to happen again”

“Sweetie, you can’t just block romantic feelings for everyone” Nora sat down next to me and placed her hand on my knee “You were bound to fall for someone again, it’s not something you can’t control”

“Yeah, I know” I sighed “Okay, so what kind of costume did you have in mind?”

The blond smiled excitedly and jumped up, running to her closet.

[...]

“Happy Halloween!” Madison cheered on her side of the screen “What are you gonna do? We’re going to have a party over here, I’m dressing as a devil and Jadah is going as an angel”

“Fitting” I nodded “How much candy have you had?”

“None. But I did have three coffees. Day started early, and I was basically falling asleep while I was standing”

“God, Dee. Anyways, I’m going to a party at a faculty. Nora lent me a black dress and bought me a pair of black feathered wings. Her words were “Rowan, you’re going as a raven”. But just in case, she also bought me some Maleficent horns, because I’ll probably end up losing the wings”

“A party? You going back home with someone?” she arched a brow as she whispered the las sentence, eyeing around her.

“Why does everybody think I’m taking someone home? I’m not!”

“Who’s not taking anyone home after a party?”

“Jeremy! My man! Can you please take my side? Is it really that weird that I’m not having a one-night-stand?”

“He doesn’t count! He doesn’t know how you were last year”

“I don’t, but I’d love to know” he quickly sat down, completely ignoring my offended look.

“You’re such a gossip. You already know about my famous crushes you don’t need to know about my love life status”

“Hey, you told me about them” he pointed his finger accusingly at me.

“But you didn’t stop me! You even made comments about some” I crossed my arms.

“Is it because of Owen that you’re not taking anyone home?” he arched a brow, smirking when he saw my blush and sharing a look with Madi.

“What about you, Jer?” I quickly changed the subject “What’s your love life look like? Girlfriend? Boyfriend?”

“He’s way passed that” Madison smirked “He’s engaged”

“No he’s not!” I gasped as a small smile and a giant blush appeared on the boy’s face “How did I not know that? You’re supposed to brag to everyone about your fiancée, dude. I wanna know about them”

“Her name’s Carolynn” he started, and once he started, there was no stopping.

I ended that call knowing the whole story about how the soon to be husband and wife met, how they had started dating, how wonderful and amazing she was and how happy Jeremy was with her. I couldn’t help the smile on my face as I watched him talk about Carolynn, it was very obvious he was very much in love with her and that he couldn’t wait to be married to her. Madi looked exactly like me, it was impossible not to smile at him.

[...]

“Hello?” I couldn’t quite comprehend the tiredness in the other person’s voice, but then again, I couldn’t quite walk straight “Rowan? You there? Why are you calling me at- four in the morning?”

“Owen! ¡Hola!” my tone was probably too overly cheery and happy, but I could care less in that moment “How are you?”

“Are you okay?” there was shuffling heard from his line, like he was moving on his spot.

“Of course I am! Why wouldn’t I be?” the words came out slurred.

“Are you drunk?” if I had been in a normal state, I would’ve probably identified the disbelief in his voice, but like I’ve pointed out a couple of times now, I wasn’t.

“Just a tiny bit” I neared my thumb and index fingers and narrowed my eyes, ignoring the fact that he couldn’t see me.

“Where are you, Rowes?”

“I’ve been walking around campus for a while now” I giggled “I can’t find my apartment. It’s usually with the residences, but I can’t find those either”

“Okay, uh... Rowan? I need you to listen to me, are you listening to me?” I hummed, nodding my head along “Okay, you know where the apartment is. I need want you to get there, can you do that for me?”

“Of course silly. I’ll do whatever you want” I smirked.

“As much as I like you flirting with me, it’s really not the moment”

“You’re no fun, I’m gonna call Milo. Maybe I can find him around here and we can go somewhere” I frowned and pulled the phone away from my ear, ready to hang up and call the funny tall boy Nora had introduced to me two days before and was now my best friend.

“Wait, wait, wait! Don’t hang up please! I just want you to get home safely. If you need to flirt with me while you do it, you can. I’m just worried”

“Aw, Owen, you’re such a softy. It’s one of the reasons I fell for you” I cooed “Don’t worry, cutie. I’ll get home just fine” and then I hung up.

I ignored all the text messages that popped up in my screen from different people, let all the calls ring and just kept walking. I did eventually get to our little apartment, and fell face first on my bed, not bothering to take my make up or contacts off. I was sleeping within three minutes.

[...]

I woke up the next day with a massive headache, and with a lot of trouble to open my eyes. “Fucking contacts. Fucking party. Fucking Nora. Fucking drinks. Fucking stupid brain.”

My phone rung in that moment, making me groan. I picked it up, answering the call.

“So loud. Cállate. Shut the hell up” I whined at whoever called me.

“You picked up. Oh my God, guys! I have her!” I furrowed my brows as I recognized Jadah’s voice, forcing myself to get up and make my way to the bathroom.

I rummaged the cabinet trying to find a pill for my headache. I placed my phone in speaker as I took my lenses off.

“Rowan María Flores! What the hell were you thinking?!” I knew that voice. That was Mr. Reyes, using his dad tone on me.

“H-Hey, King” I said hesitantly.

“Do not “King” me, señorita. Do you know how worried we all were?”

“What are you talking about?” I asked “I hardly remember anything from last night” I admitted embarrassed “But I just woke up, so it should all be coming back in the next half hour”

“You called Owen drunk, saying you were lost in the campus, Rowan” Charlie spoke, calling me by my name instead of the nickname he was adamant in using “Then you just hung up on him and never picked your phone up again. He woke me up in the middle of the morning worried sick and stressed out”

Guilt washed over me like a waterfall. When had I done that? Why had I done that? “Dammit drunk me”

“We didn’t know what to do, so we called Madi and Mr. Reyes and the others” he continued “We’ve all been trying to call you since. Your phone probably has millions of messages and lost calls”

“Are you okay?” Madison’s voice sounded broken, and all I could do was stutter out a “Yeah”. “Thank God. We were so worried, Ro-Ro”

“I’m so sorry” I whispered “I didn’t want to make you all go through this. Oh my God, what have I done” I ran my hands through my hair, looking down at the sink “Is uh- is Owen there?” I cleared my throat.

“I’m calling you” he stated instead of answering. He didn’t sound happy.

The phone call ended and two minutes later his contact name was requesting a FaceTime. I gulped. I didn’t care in the slightest of my appearance with my messy hair and smudged dark make-up, but I knew how he had been feeling for the past hours, because I had experienced it too with some friends. It was a terrible feeling of being worried for them and slightly panicking, scared because I couldn’t go save them, as I didn’t know where they were. He knew where I had been, but he couldn’t exactly jump on a plane to come save me.

I shakily hit the “Accept” button and breathed in.

“What were you thinking, Rowan?!” he all but exclaimed when he appeared on the screen.

His hair was the messiest I’d seen it —and I’d seen it just out of bed— and he had bloodshot eyes with bags under them. He only had a pair of sweatpants on, like he hadn’t bothered changing at all.

I couldn’t utter a word, my throat had completely closed, and he took it as his cue to continue.

“Do you know how worried we were? How worried I was? You call me at four in the morning, telling me you can’t find your place while you’re drunk, alone, after a party and on Halloween! And then you hang up and you don’t answer anymore! You’ve no idea what kind of scenarios were going through my head! I was this close to hop on a plane to make sure you were okay! Fucking hell, Rowan!”

“I-I’m sorry” I repeated, tears about to spill from my eyes “It’s just, it was Halloween, and I wanted to have fun, release all the stress and forget about the problems, a-and I lost track of how many drinks I was having, and next thing I knew, I was super drunk. I shouldn’t have called you, I only made you worried. God, what was drunk me thinking?”

I shut my eyes closed for a second and let my breath go, hearing him do the same. His voice was softer the next time he talked.

“It’s fine. I mean, it’s not, but I get that you wanted to let loose” he rubbed his face “I shouldn’t have yelled at you, I’m sorry. Shit, it was just so scary, you know? Not knowing what would happen to you”

“I get it” I assured “I’ve been through it too. So I know how it feels, and I can’t believe I made you feel it. I am so stupid”

“Hey, no. Let’s talk about something else. How about you get all that make-up off and freshen up? You look a little dead”

“Hey!” I shouted, only to hold my head and wince “I hope the pill kicks in quickly, otherwise I think I’ll die for real”

I took some cotton pads and my make-up remover, looking at my mirror to make sure I got it all off. I then left the camera to change into comfier clothes and came back to Owen with a sweater on and fiddling with his fingers.

“Rowes?” he called, and I hummed to show him that I was listening “There’s this thing you said yesterday, and I didn’t notice it at first, but I kinda ran over the conversation a million times in my head-”

“Owen, what did I say” I chuckled “It can’t be that bad”

“You said I was a softy” I rolled my eyes, but then he continued “and that it was one of the reasons you fell for me”

My mouth fell into a perfect “o”, and I felt my cheeks and neck get hotter. He was red too, but had a small smile on his lips. I stuttered trying to make out an excuse, but his chuckle cut me off.

“A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts” he said with a smirk “Or a woman’s in this case. I knew you were crazy for me, Flores” I furrowed my brows at his teasing. Was he really making fun of me for having fallen for him? “Don’t look at me like that, Rowes. I like you too. A lot” he laughed a little “But it’s always me that is left stuttering whenever you flirt with me, so I thought I’d take advantage of it” he shrugged.

“You little shit!” I laughed “I’d kiss you if I could” I grinned, causing his smile to get bigger, if it was possible.

“First thing I’m gonna do when we meet, after squeezing you in a hug”

“Deal. I’ll sing you your song”

“Can’t wait”

“Yeah, me neither”

[...]

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#owen joyner imagine #owen joyner #owen patrick joyner #julie and the phantoms #charlie gillespie #madison reyes #jadah marie #jeremy shada #netflix

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yotd2009 · 3 years

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i am curious, as someone who’s only exposure to arthurania was reading jane yolen’s young merlin as a child, would you mind saying why hnoc is a bad adaptation? i’m super curious but no worries if not <3

this has been sitting in my inbox for months bc i kept telling myself i needed to write a full essay with proof from medieval lit to make myself feel smarter. however, since i’ve recently lost all credibility bc i can’t articulate points to save my life, and since i’ve realized that i could answer this in a just a couple paragraphs, now seems like the right time to answer this ask. sorry for the wait.

under a cut bc length

also warnings for mentions of racism bc this is hnoc we're talking abt and sexual assault bc this is med lit we're also talking abt

the basic problems are pendragon polycule itself, the story beats of the album, the fridging and lack of characterization of morgan le fay, the clear influence of pop culture arthuriana, and whatever the fuck happened with gawain/e.

pendragon polycule is... just not a good take. there’s a bit in the lancelot-grail abt arthur viewing lancelot like a son (and lancelot not giving a shit abt him). also arthur knew his parents for years before lancelot was even born. plus lancelot just Doesn’t care abt him and i can’t stress this part enough. arthur repeatedly tries to have guinnevere killed, mostly in the lancelot-grail, and guinn didn’t really have any say in marrying him bc she was a teenager. lancelot and guinnevere is a lot better but that’s not saying much. guinn doesn’t exactly treat lancelot too well... like at all, BUT it’s not intrinsic to their relationship and is completely caused by medieval misogyny and i’m all in favor of modern retellings saying fuck that. but also lancelot has multiple pseudo-canon boyfriends (this is med lit after all), and one pseudo-canon husband so like... there were better options. (also lancelot’s husband is basically in a lavender marriage with guinnevere’s maybe girlfriend who most authors just eventually forget abt as the story progresses).

this next one is a problem with a lot of modern arthurian works bc the inclusion of elayne of astolat is too much to ask apparently. the grail quest isn’t tied to the fall of camelot, it just happens to be one of the last grand adventures the knights of the round table have. the event that traditionally sets off the fall is the death of the maiden of astolat/the lady of shalott/elayne of escolat/she has a lot of names, her story has a few variations but usually she either is cursed to stay in a tower and weave and only be able to see the outside world through a mirror positioned across from her window, until lancelot rides by and she rushes to see him out of the actual window and her mirror shatters, setting off her death, or she lives with her father and brothers and takes care of lancelot bc he was injured for a time and she gets to go on adventures to find him and she’s friends with gawaine and she dies bc lancelot rejects her and this version’s a lot more fun but also more happens which makes it harder to explain. the way her story ends however, is that she dies after she makes arrangements for a glorious boat to drift from astolat to camelot carrying nothing but her dead body and a letter explaining that she died of love for lancelot du lac and the court mourns the death of such a beautiful and young maiden (her age varies a lot but i’ve always read her as a young teenager at most). but the important thing is, camelot is doomed from the moment she washes up on its shore bc she’s an omen of the end and has symbolic meaning and all that, the maiden of astolat washes up on camelot’s shores, the court mourns the loss of a maiden in her prime and she marks the end of camelot’s prime as well, morgan le fay reappears after being presumed dead and warns arthur of guinnevere and lancelot’s affair, aggravaine and modred conspire to bring lancelot and guinnevere’s affair to light, they succeed but lancelot escapes, guinnevere is to be burnt at the stake and lancelot rescues her, killing aggravaine, gaheris and gareth (gawaine’s brothers) in the process, gawaine drags his uncle and camelot to war bc he was driven mad due to the loss of his brothers, lancelot accidentally kills gawaine, his best friend and maybe boyfriend (i have RECEIPTS), and gawaine forgives him on his detahbed while lancelot and guinn rejoin arthur, meanwhile modred, who practically had the throne handed to him, usurps and invites the saxons in, camlann happens, and camelot is destroyed. no where in there is the grail quest.

morgan le fay is honestly the most questionable part of the album bc there’s not a single text where she dies. like.... at least with eurydice in udad she died in the original... there’s no basis for morgan dying. also she is NOT modred’s mother and anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar, she interacts with him once in the vulgate bc she had three of her nephews over and that’s IT. it’s a horrible take which originated in the mists of avalon by marion zimmer bradley who is an honest to god monster for reasons i don’t want to trigger tag this post for. also she’s one of the most dynamic and thought-out characters in the entire canon and they just made her a watered down morgause (modred’s actual mother, morgan’s sister, canonical milf)... there was no reason for it to be her apart from the fact that she’s more well known......

pop culture arthuriana is,,, one of my least favorite things. no, morgan wasn’t modred’s mother, no, morgause wasn’t abusive but her husband sure was implied to be, no, aggravaine didn’t kill his mother, that was gaheris, he loved his mother, you’re only saying that bc he has a reputation as the “evil” orkney, no, the once and future king is not a good descriptor for arthur, stop making me read it, no, morgause wasn’t the one to initiate the thing with arthur resulting in modred, no, lancelot and arthur weren’t friends, no, tristan wasn’t a self-centered asshole, tennyson is a fucking liar, no, galahad didn’t have sex or want to, he’s one of the first ever explicitly asexual characters out there, no, galahad’s conception was NOT consensual, lancelot was tricked, and no, elayne of astolat wasn’t galahad’s mother, she’s implied to be younger than him. those are just the big glaring ones, but i swear it’s bc of arthuriana’s reputation as a mythology and the connotations belonging to that word (no one true canon (which is true but there are still things that just AREN’T canon, not completely written down, passed by oral tradition) that causes ppl to see mediocre modern texts and go “oh. well this is abt as close to the original as i’m going to get” and don’t bother to look into so much as malory (who i only name bc he’s one of the most well known medieval authors with the most commonly used storylines, don’t read malory kids, he’s a mediocre-at-best writer even by medieval standards). the big perpetrators of modern arthurian tropes are the books the once and future king by th wh*te, who is a shitty person and lets it bleed into his writing (which isn’t like... nice to read or anything, seriously why do ppl love this book so much it doesn’t have redeeming qualities), and the mists of avalon by marion zimmer bradley (it’s poorly written, the story is a mess, and mzb is honestly a monster and one google search will tell you that), and unfortunately the writings of tennyson, which are mostly good but he clearly didn’t read the povest (a later text that’s also my favorite, known for significantly improving ppl’s opinions on tristan, isolde and co.) before deciding he hated both tristan and isolde and he has HORRIBLE takes on them. high noon over camelot is SEEPED in pop culture arthuriana and i think it would have been so much better if the band had read so much as a SUMMARY of the events of le morte. it’s evident in the song “the once and future king” bc it’s,,,, literally named after one of the worst books in existence. it’s shown in the morgan le fay thing, and it’s shown in the pendragon polycule thing. and hell, i think you can even explain away the lack of elayne of astolat with pop culture arthuriana, bc ppl have had bad takes on her ever since th wh*te combined her character with that of ela*ne of corbenic, and the band probably went “huh, let’s write lancelot’s abuser out of this” and they would’ve been right to do so if that’s who elayne of astolat was.

the final big issue is gawaine, the closest thing the genre has to a protagonist, he’s pretty much canon bi and, in some texts, arospec, he’s a dashing knight of great reknown and he derails every romance to steal hearts, commit murder, and make out with every knight and lady mentioned. and in hnoc he’s... racist. that’s it. it’s,,, almost completely unfounded by the arthurian canon and shows a major misunderstanding of his motivations (like i said earlier, he wants to avenge his brothers bc there’s a reoccuring motif of how much the orkneys value family). i say almost bc in one text it’s his motivations for killing palomydes but i’ve never heard it mentioned by name bc that’s just what it’s known for. most arthuriana fans just look away from it except when critiquing hnoc but that one text is an outlier, shouldn’t be counted, and i highly doubt the mechs made hnoc gawain how he is bc they found this text. it’s just a bad text.

hnoc has,,, quite a few more minor issues, such as villainized ladies of the lake (their ONLY crimes were sealing away merlin bc he tried to assault teenage nimue/ninniane (proto-nimue/vivianne from the vulgate), and that one time vivviane/ninniane kidnapped adopted baby lancelot), assigning brain to merlin (y’know,,, the predator who helped arrange the [redacted] of arthur’s mother and tried to assault a teenager,,,) although merlin is portrayed in a positive light throughout modern arthuriana so i don’t think they knew, giving a song to pellinore, who my perception of has been forever altered bc i was introduced to him through malory and the explanation of torre’s conception, which you can just look up “sir torre arthurian” to find out abt if you can’t just Guess, if they wanted a song abt the questing beast palomydes was Right There AND has been associated with the questing beast for longer, but once again i don’t think they knew.

also namedropping a bunch of knights in the fiction is... it Suggests a bigger world full of all these other stories but they just don’t work bc the world of hnoc wasn’t designed in a way where the appearance of half these characters would make sense. like,, tristan is referenced as dying in the grail quest in the same sentence as bedevere (one of the characters who is known for almost always surviving), but tristan Isn’t one of the knights who dies on the grail quest, his possible deaths (ignoring the potentially happy ending of the povest for a second) are either being murdered by his uncle, king mark (bc mark married tristan’s gf to try and get tristan killed and also to spite him), bc he was driven into a fury bc of tristan and isolde’s affair, or he’s injured and only isolde (the best healer in the world) can save him so he sends for her and if the ship he sent for her is supposed to fly white sails if she’s there, or black sails if she’s not, and the ship flies white sails but his wife (also named isolde) says it’s black sails (the why depends but usually comes down to jealousy), and so he gives up bc he thinks all hope is lost and usually succumbs to his injuries, either way isolde dies of a broken heart over his body. there’s no way for the tristan and isolde story to play out like it’s supposed to in the world of hnoc, just as there’s no way for any story with gawaine (and Oh Boy are there a lot of stories with gawaine) or pretty much anyone else, without severely altering the canon.

of course, there are still parts of hnoc i like a lot, most of the music i adore and i just like the idea of space cowboys and the secret good hnoc that lives in my head. and it has one of my favorite characterizations of galahad, even though galahad hnoc is nothing like galahad arthuriana. it’s not GOOD but i like it and it’s fun to turn my brain off too, and i’ll always value it as my introduction to arthuriana.

also there are modern arthurian tropes i do like such as characters being genre-savvy/knowing they’re fictional/knowing they’ve done this before (which hnoc does wonderfully!) and bedevere-as-the-storyteller (everyone say thank you lord tennyson).

WOW that was longer than expected, i feel very passionately abt this, when i was planning to write a fully sourced essay i meant to include a bit at the bottom with recommendations to get into better arthuriana and i think i’ll keep that in this post.

if you like hnoc for the arthurian music i’d like to suggest heather dale’s arthurian music to you, she does occasionally fall into the trap of modern arthuriana (some parts of lancelot and arthur being close, morgan as modred’s mother), sometimes she’s just wrong (galahad at lancelot’s trial, a lot of tristan and isolde), and her stuff is kinda straightwashed sometimes (sir gawain and the green knight, for example) but i’d be lying if it wasn’t catchy, and it’s not quite as bad as hnoc adaptation-wise. culwch and olwen is pretty accurate (albeit abridged bc culwch and olwen has SO many tangents), as is lily maid (it’s abt elayne of astolat!).

if you liked hnoc for king arthur... in space! then may i recommend to you my own fanfic? it's not posted yet but the second i finish writing the first chapter i'm going to make a Big Deal out of it that'll be impossible to miss!

if you want to learn abt arthuriana through tumblr-osmosis like i did at first, i’d like to recommend the love of my life @acegalahads, first and foremost (it’s me on a sideblog i’m just obsessed with myself), and i can’t recommend my arthuriana mutuals over there, @/gringolet, @/merlinenthusiast, @/jcbookworm, @/elayneofshalott, and @/elaineofascolat (the elayne urls have been popular recently), also i know for a fact that my mutual-in-law, @/itonje makes great arthuriana posts that i look forwards to whenever i open the tag.

here are a few good reference posts, a quick guide to the characters, a guide to characters of color, and a much more comprehensive intro to arthuriana post with even more texts linked to it.

if you want to ease into med lit, i’d like to introduce you to pre-raphaelite poetry, alfred lord tennyson and william morris are my favorites, although tennyson can’t be trusted with tristan and isolde. the poem the lady of shalott is basically a rite of passage for arthuriana fans, although when it comes to tennyson’s writings abt elayne of astolat, i prefer lancelot and elaine, which is part of his much larger story, idylls of the king. for morris, don’t trust what he says abt aggravaine killing his mother, but my favorites of his are sir galahad, a christmas mystery, which sounds like a shitty disney sequel, and palomyde’s quest, which i blame for my love of palomydes (that and the one bit of the povest where he asks tristan to be his greatest enemy and that he wants nothing more, gay ppl,,,,).

if you want to read abt lancelot and his husband, there’s the lancelot-grail cycle, which i believe was taken off of archive dot org and i think i found it on @/tobeisexhausting’s blog but don’t quote me on that.

the povest, which was a religious experience for me and i can’t reccomend enough if you want to like tristan and isolde, is here, i don’t know who scanned it but i think i found it on @/lanzelet’s blog

the dutch texts are just good in general, here’s a link to their section of a(n unfinished) site for hosting various texts by my former mutual @/reynier (who’s no longer on tumblr). i’d like to recommend lancelot and the white hart specifically bc it’s mainly just just gawaine being gay for lancelot.

if you want older works, here’s my scan of the history of the kings of britain, and here’s culwch and olwen and pa gur.

oh wow this is even longer than i thought it would be so i’m going to wrap this up by saying that i always love to talk abt arthuriana more than anything if you have any questions or just are curious!

#med lit on main #asks #hnoc #the mechs #romeo.txt

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vnderoo · 4 years

Text

a/n: hi this is my first tumblr imagine i’ve ever written so pls don’t butcher me. i also left y/n gender neutral bc idk how each of you reading this identify and it’s not fair of me to just assume. :)

word count: 1.7k

sweet melody || h.h.

In a whole other life, there was this boy that I knew

Let’s start from the beginning.

y/n and Harry went way back. They grew up together–attached by the hip. Wherever he was, they would be and vice versa. Their parents were close to one another so the two spent more than enough time together. Harry, Sam, and y/n considered themselves the “Three Musketeers”.

As year 5 approached, the small clique made a solemn oath to be best friends forever. No matter the highs and lows, they were always going to be there for one another.

Year 10 was when things started changing for everyone. Feelings were being developed and fears came into play.

y/n was under the impression that Harry went on a date when in reality, he was out with his other friends.

“I don’t know why I’m jealous. I shouldn’t be feeling this way.” they paced back and forth.

“Maybe you like him.” Sam said, unphased.

“What?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. I see it all.” y/n was still confused. “Alright, let me elaborate.” Sam stood up, “you look at him as if he were the only person in the world, you laugh at his jokes when they aren’t even close to being funny. You lie and say his cooking is good when you know it’s criminal–Tess could cook better than him and she doesn’t even have opposable fingers.”

“That’s just me trying to boost his confidence a little.” y/n shrugged.

“y/n, when you talk about him, your eyes glow. You’re a lot more attentive when it comes to him compared to when it comes to me–which is offensive by the way.” Sam only had platonic feelings for y/n.

“You know I love you both.”

“But it’s different with him. Everyone sees it. You, my friend, are just in denial.”

What y/n didn’t know was that Harry felt the same way.

He made me feel like a woman, we were young and silly fools

“I just don’t want this to change our friendship.” y/n sighed.

“Listen, I love you, way too much, to let our relationship fail. And if it does, which it won’t, I’m not going to let you go. We’ve been friends for too long for us to just part ways.”

“What if we do break up and it makes everything awkward for Sam? I don’t want him to be put in that position.”

“Everything is going to be okay, I promise.” he kissed her head.

Gave him too many chances, push my keys too many times Anyway, he'd start acting up, and I'd be on my way to leave

Duty would call and Harry’d have to leave for work. Whether it be for his own work or to tag along with Tom on his press tour(s). y/n understood that. But there were also things that they didn’t understand about it all.

“Harry, I get that you have to go for months on end, but never talking to me? It’s like I don’t even matter to you anymore.”

Harry turned around, “What? Of course you matter to me.”

“It doesn’t feel like I do.” y/n tried to keep their composure but the more the argument went on, the more they wanted to break down. They were frustrated. It seemed like nothing they said was landing on Harry and he wasn’t really listening. “While you’re gone, I don’t get a call or so little as a text from you.”

“I text you ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’. What more do you want from me?”

At this point, y/n just wanted to lay in bed and cry this away. This didn’t feel like the Harry that left all those months ago. Things that y/n had been feeling for so long are finally coming to the surface. They felt sidelined, they felt sad, they sometimes felt like a burden.

“I want to hear about how your day went. I want to hear about how the tour is going or how your videos or pictures are coming along. I just want to hear you talk. I want to be part of your life but you’re making it impossible to do so. I sit here, stressed, not knowing how you’re doing, not knowing if you’re okay. The amount of work I have to consume myself in to get away from reality for a bit is too much, Harry.”

Sang me sweet melodies But the day he did me wrong The song couldn't go on and on

This was it. This was their breaking point. Neither of them wanted to admit it but they knew it was happening. The relationship was dying and there was nothing they could possibly do to save it anymore. It didn’t matter how much or how little either one of them wanted to fix this, things were too damaged to be fixed.

“I can’t… I can’t do this anymore.” y/n cried, “I can’t sit here and wait for you to come home all the damn time. Sometimes Sam doesn’t even know where you are so I can’t even get peace from him even if I wanted to. But even Sam has talked to you more than I have in the several months that you’ve been gone. This is the longest conversation we’ve had since you left.”

“Then maybe it wasn’t meant to be.” Harry yelled. “Maybe we were fools to fall in love with each other and pursue this relationship. We shouldn’t have pushed for it but we did and look at where it’s gotten us.”

Four years of pure bliss had been tainted by his words. y/n was hurt.

“That’s because you stopped trying.” y/n walked out the door and didn’t turn back.

Yes, when he came along, that's when I lost a groove There was no song in the world to sing along or make me move

The first few months post-breakup, y/n didn’t do anything. They had little to no motivation to do anything. All they did was lie in bed and watched the days go by. They were emotionally drained.

They found it difficult to move on because they spent four years only knowing Harry. His touch, his scent, his smile, his essence. They didn’t know how or when to start dating again. What was considered the “right time”? Everything now seemed suffocating and confusing.

As more months went by, y/n realized that this wasn’t the end of the world. They were going to meet other people and move on from this relationship. This breakup was nothing but another bump in the road, as people often say. They were going to fall in love again and it’s going to hurt just as bad, but it was time to move on.

He used to sing me sweet melodies He played me, made me believe it was real love

It’s been a couple years since y/n and Harry spoke to each other directly. They still kept up with each other, but they never talked. They only ever really asked about each other through Sam or their parents. Much to both of their dismay, this relationship took a negative toll on their friendship. The Three Musketeers were no more. The promise the three of them made all those years ago was broken.

Sometimes y/n would go into town and remember all the shops that they went into with Harry. All the memories they shared just walking through the town. Conversations they’d had about the oddest things.

Harry still had pictures of them on his phone. A reminder of the relationship he once had with y/n, both the times before and after they started dating.

It would be pointless to pretend that they didn’t miss each other. It was apparent to them and everyone they surrounded themselves with. Their friends and family would urge them to talk to each other but they always said no. Why? Harry didn’t want to because he would then be reminded that y/n was right when they said he gave up on them. y/n always said no because they didn’t want to be reminded of how they felt up until the end of the argument the day of the breakup.

Sam finished culinary school and was holding a gathering to celebrate the occasion. Of course y/n was going because 1. it gave them a reason to dress up and 2. Sam was their best friend and emotional support system throughout the time that they were processing the breakup. He was their best friend. They knew that Harry was going to be there but they weren’t going to let that stop them from going.

y/n was standing in line to get a drink when Harry had approached them.

“Hey.” he gave a sheepish smile.

“Hey.” y/n replied. They wanted to crumble into his arms and have him hold them as he used to. They were finally seeing each other in person for the first time in forever.

“You look nice.”

“Thank you.” y/n looked at him, “I like your sweater.”

“How’ve you been?” he asked.

“I’ve been good. and you?”

“Hanging in there.” the two stood there in silence before he spoke up once more, “I miss you.”

y/n sighed, “me too.”

They both knew that each person meant it platonically. The final moments of their relationship was so destructive that it led to them not being friends anymore.

“We should hang out some time or something. Grab a bite to eat.”

Going out with him would just bring more chaos into their lives. Never ending questions of whether or not there’s room to get back together would pop up from everyone around them. Their relationship wasn’t something that they needed to be reminded of, all the good and bad.

“I… I gotta go. It was good seeing you again though.” y/n smiled and walked away. They wanted to be part of his world again but there was no room for it. They were walking away from someone they once loved for so long and for some strange reason, they were content with it.

The song couldn’t go on and on and on, no

#harry holland #harry holland imagine #harry holland x reader #harry holland x y/n #stream sweet melody

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zaritarazi · 3 years

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002 with mixen <3

002 | send me a ship and I will tell you:

when i started shipping it: okay so i went deep into my archives and i found my first mixen gifset, here, from october 26, 2016. it is then followed by this gifset from october 28, 2016, a complete stroke of genius i’d forgotten about. and HERE is the first post i made about them while watching legends, also from october 28th, 2016. i’m assuming that the clip of her trying to kill him was released as a preview which is why the gifset predates the text post. so then in november 2016 is good it’s not really ramped up yet and then we get the chicago way and that, in a lot of ways, changed my life? for the better? unclear. am i being sarcastic? also unclear. there’s just so much about it that did me in. first the “i’m clyde that’s bonnie” because s3 of dusk had JUST ended and that was a RAW fucking nerve. just the exact shit i was looking for. the scene where mick puts his finger to his lips while looking at amaya’s mouth and you just know he’s internally like i am... going to hell. i am GOING to hell. amaya kissing him on the CHEEK? [mick’s certainty of going to hell intensifies] and the real piece de resistance was len descending from the ceiling shrieking in gay rage like. that’s what really solidified mick’s relationship with amaya to me: he was willing to defend her to literally, literally his husband. he says amaya is his ONLY friend because leonard is GONE, implying that amaya is len’s EQUAL in mick’s eyes. mick is a complex character and he’s actually very sensitive but when we had him in season 1, he came as a packaged set with len. and he grew and formed new relationships and listen we all know i can and will ship mick with anyone dominic purcell this is a threat but amaya is, in canon, not just implied by dominic’s choices for the character, the time where mick is declaring his affection for someone out loud. and i also want to reflect on like. leonard, be he real or be he a figment of mick’s mind, despite being WILDLY jealous of amaya, had one goal in that episode: to keep mick alive. like mick was so reckless in season two and with amaya he seems to finally almost want to... pull back? he tells leonard “i’ll be dead like you” which says he isn’t objecting to the idea of being dead, but that amaya is giving him something that makes life exciting, and he’d rather have that than fall into his old self-preservation instincts. you can MARK that mick starts trying to die less after the chicago way until len comes back in the world war i episode. like i guess i started shipping mixen when they became the epitome of “god said love your enemy so i obeyed her and i loved myself” are you HAPPY? is this what you WANTED?

my thoughts: you accidentally had a baby with him. i am the reason he is able to feel love. we are not the same

what makes me happy about them: as much as i’ve focused on amaya’s positive impact on mick i want to emphasize that this is a two way street because mick is someone who taught amaya to embrace herself and what makes her happy. amaya has so much pressure riding on her shoulders and mick is never deterred by it. amaya has always been brilliant beautiful incredible etc but when we first meet her in s2 she is so tightly wound and she is so in the mold of what she thinks she needs to be and what she thinks the legacy of the anansi totem requires of her and when she’s around mick she realizes she can be... amaya. just amaya. like did she say to mick “what would a criminal do” because she was being horny on main? yes. but she also did it because she was genuinely open to learning how he saw the world. like it’s truly incredible that amaya meets mick and in the span of 30 minutes is like actually, mick is the most interesting and enticing person i have ever met and [mick’s certainty of going to hell intensifies] but actually there are just little things they do even when they don’t like each other that show a certain level of respect- mick tells amaya he’s not an idiot and amaya tells him not to call her “girlie” so amaya actually spends the rest of their relationship uplifting mick’s ideas and his accomplishments and mick POINTEDLY never gives amaya a nickname. the nickname one is especially funny bc i geniunely think she just didn’t like “girlie” and may have been fine with a different nickname but like. the fact that mick remembers to NOT give her a nickname EVER when everyone else gets one? the way he paid attention to amaya and respected what she was saying? the way they could be open with each other? like okay they weren’t canon-canon but a part of me is glad bc. this ship was originally marc’s idea and what is legends s2 if not phil and marc fighting for control of the story like the one ring? if marc had been allowed to make them romantic i fear he would’ve done his normal bullshit that he does with his couples where basically mick never changes in a positive way and keeps chipping away at parts of amaya until she feels like she is at “his level” and then he essentially takes over the rest of the parts of her life he hadn’t already taken control of and just, disgusting. like let me be clear on mick rory’s worst day he is still a better person than oliver queen on his best day i don’t care if he’s roasting people alive he is STILL a better person. but with that relationship choice being taken out of marc’s hands, we instead get a relationship where amaya offers mick the starting blocks to build himself UP, and he takes them and is able to keep building himself even without fully relying on her. when he tells her in season 3 “we’ve all done things we’re not proud of” and she just brightens so immediately, and the same thing happens in the pirate episode - and he is able to do these things for her because he let her help him, but did not make her his only lifeline. the person mick is in s3 onward is a person he feels better about being because amaya has always seen good in him and like. not to be dramatic but i am literally, literally crumbling into ash as we speak

what makes me sad about them: FROM SEASON 4 ONWARD SHE ISN’T THERE ANYMORE AND MICK IS JUST LEFT WITH ALL THE FUCKING EMOTIONS SHE MADE HIM FEEL AND THE WAYS SHE HELPED HIM AND ALL HE CAN DO IS TRY TO KEEP HER ALIVE, IN HIS MIND AT LEAST, BY HELPING PEOPLE (CHARLIE AND MONA) THE WAY AMAYA HELPED HIM.

things done in fanfic that annoys me: i have no issue with mixen being in fic with OTHER ships but to my fucking detriment it always seems to be a secondary pairing in captain canary fics and like 1. hate crime 2. mick is a bisexual he can have a husband and a wife he can have them at the same time he can have them at separate times but if you’re writing capcan i’m assuming you have a heterosexual agenda and i want that kept away from ships i like at ALL times

things I look for in fanfic: a genuine understanding of mick’s character. he can be kind of tricky to strike a balance with but you can just tell when he’s being written too aggressively or when he’s being written just as too much of a bastard or a former criminal and like, i also look for amaya not being helpless and emotional bc quite frankly mick is way more expressive emotionally than amaya and it is so vital that this is understood. also if it’s sad i like to read it and then cry myself to sleep

who i’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: OKAY FINE nate for either. nate for both! final ot3 of nate/amaya/mick is good, pure, canon supported, and legally required. but also amaya with zari 1.0 and mick with ray or, honestly? zari 2.0. DON’T @ ME

My happily ever after for them: they just get to like. live life together. mick takes in ese as one of his own and amaya does the same for lita and they have a 3rd child together that’s in the bible look it up but like. not giving up the time traveling life and the heroics and the adventures fully but being a family even when their kids grow up and they can be old together even if it’s them popping on and off the waverider sometimes together sometimes they do their own thing always put the kids first and sure mick has 22 wonderful years on amaya but he’s on a timeship he can wait for her to catch up so they can get old-old together. also nate is there romantically, sexually, raising the children, let’s have mick and nate make a fourth child, this is absolutely non-negotiable

who is the big spoon/little spoon: amaya is AGGRESSIVELY the little spoon. like flinging herself into mick’s arms and like HOLD ME and mick just reflexively wrapping his arms around her bc she small. sof. smells nice. pretty

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: amaya like why be having not-sex when you could be having sex? and mick like i don’t know. sleeping? photography? long drives? (it’s long drives & going to museums don’t @ me)

#mixen #legends of tomorrow #lot headcanon #steelvixenwave #long post #i went off the rails I'M SORRY I FEEL DEEPLY #like i love zari 1.0 but i feel like the questions on hers didn't lend themselves to deeper answers like these did? and sometimes i just ge #don't sue me #dykerory #asks

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donnanxblearchive · 4 years

Text

send me an au you wish i‘d write. // i wish you would write a fic where donna & gwen & martha are having fun together! ( @yoakkemae ) tagging @manaborn bc yea

Gwen had declared they all needed some time off. Donna had found it a little difficult to try to argue against her since she had Facetime’d her and Martha while she was taking cover and her jacket was a little too freshly singed. She’s sure that Gwen knew what she was doing; if she’d called from her ship, Donna wouldn’t of hesitated to steamroll over her ideas.

“I’m off Friday, actually,” had piped up Martha, even as Donna knew she could see her glare. “What’d you have in mind, Gwen? I might be able to trade my Saturday shift.”

“Martha, don’t try to twist yourse–”

“Yes! We could go to the mountains, really unplug from it all!” Donna had taken a breath to retort when Gwen dropped her phone with a muttered curse. Both women waited quietly as the sounds of whatever defense maneuvers Gwen took faded in, and then the phone was picked back up with a scramble. “How about at the cabins from my 16th a couple years back?”

Donna blinked, paperwork slowly becoming forgotten. “Over in America? In the Rocky Mountains?” Gwen nodded eagerly. Martha tried to hide a smile behind her hand, it didn’t really work. “It’s February, I don’t think it’ll be easy to find one for this weekend.” She hoped it didn’t sound like she was agreeing to this weekend, she’s sure she had other things to do this weekend. “Don’t you have things due for uni?”

“Oh, I’m sure missing one assignment won’t kill her.”

“You are not supposed to be a bad influence.”

“She does just fine while traveling around.”

“Yeah!” Gwen was now on the move, as her picture shook and she kept looking behind her. Donna was ready to chew her ass out over being so overconfident. “If it helps, I’ll get everything turned in early and let my professors know I’ll be going out on a family trip.” There went that excuse. Donna chewed on the tip of her pen.

“It’s going to be expensive.”

“Loosen your fist a little, Scrooge.”

“Oi!” She pointed her pen at the phone, ignoring the loud laughter in order to keep a mean face on. “I still have to budget my expenses, just like everyone else.” Not a lie, but not the truth either. Her budget was hilariously more inflated than well over half the world’s population and she was well aware of it. Still, she had to make a point. “Keep that sass up an’ see if I’ll pay your ticket, Doctor Jones.”

“Oh, pleeeease, Auntie.” She must really want this trip. It was always desperate measures for Gwen to not just call her by her name. Donna gave a long suffering sigh. “Just two days away, no aliens, no paperwork, no projects. It’ll be us, snow, and spa treatments!”

“I’ll get Eliza to see what she can do,” twin cheers erupted and she shouted to talk over them, “but only if she can move my own schedule around. I’m not makin’ any promises. And, I’ll cancel it all if any of your professors tell me you’re missin’ papers.” Gwen stuck her tongue out on that and Martha shook her head. “Martha, how long ‘till you can confirm your shift change?”

“I should know by tonight. We plan more out then.”

“Guys—” Looking at Gwen’s square on the screen showed just a glittering purple sky. Her voice sounded off to the side, and Donna assumed she was probably looking over Plumber notes. She hoped she was looking over Plumber notes and not taking cover again. “Wild thought, but I could just fly us there.” Denials from both Martha and Donna were quick, making Gwen pop her head back into frame. It was upside down, and mostly her eye, but the insult was clear. “Fine. Party poopers.”

“We’ll reconvene in the evening. Martha, keep savin’ lives. Gwen, stay alive.”

“No promises, loveyouguyssomuchBYE!”

Once seven o’clock rolled around, Donna was able to move her schedule around and Martha was able to trade her Saturday shift to get a three-day weekend. The three of them were in her office with two boxes of pizza steaming up her glass coffee table, and the projector displaying snow wear options. Gwen was more than a little distracted as her assistant was currently talking to her about their lodging options seeing as the original choice was all booked up.

“Wait, go back, go back, yes, that one! Where is it again?”

“Aspen, in Colorado.”

“It looks really cute. Donna, Martha, look, isn’t it cute?” With a few quick taps, Gwen switched the projected image. She very much ignored Donna’s indignant squawk, but quickly returned Martha’s silent overhead fistbump. “And we can get one that has bunk beds!”

“Eliza, I will fire you if you book the bunks.”

“Noted, ma’am.” Gwen pouted dramatically into her pizza slice. Martha gave her shoulder a consoling pat but wisely didn’t voice an opinion on the bunk debate. “There are three bedroom options, two bathrooms and a full kitchen. I can see about requesting one near the sauna.” Gwen gave an exaggerated gasp, nearly choking on her pizza. Donna rolled her eyes and waved a hand in silent agreement.

Once her assistant left the office to make the booking, control evaded Donna again. The iPad was now in Martha’s power, who was swiping along the different recreational activities listed. “Don’t you want to check the price beforehand?” Martha got a throw pillow to the face for her efforts.

“Let’s finish this up already before Shaun files a missing persons report on me.”

“You didn’t tell him?”

Donna squinted, as if the action would help recall her conversation with her husband. Damn TimeLord consciousness was only useful when it decided to be. “I mentioned it to him. I mean, I told him that I might be goin’ outta town this weekend. Course, he asked if it was just outta town or really outta space, he’s a bit hurt from our trip to Clom last month–”

“Sucks,” cuts in Gwen around a mouthful of pizza.

“–and I still haven’t been able to get the universal signal done to his new phone, so I’m sure he’s just being a worrywart. I hadn’t confirmed my schedule yet when I talked to him, an’ then I had to do some video conferences an’ the day just slipped away.” She shrugged. “I’ll just send a text right now. You two can choose what you’d want Eliza to book at the resort.”

She leaned back against her desk and typed out a few messages. Martha and Gwen were enthusiastically going over the different options, giggles freely sprinkled between them, and Donna felt a warmth blossom in her chest. She tried – and usually failed – to hide how much she worried over the two, and seeing them able to act so relaxed helped her own stress by leaps and bounds. A fun, Earth-bound, no-magic, and wonderfully impromptu vacation might really be the best for them.

“Alright, you two,” she gave a quick clap of her hands and swiped the iPad out of Martha’s hands, “the husband’s aware you’ve got me in lockdown. Let’s get this trip planned.”

The first day hadn’t been so bad. They’d taken a red-eye flight to try to beat the six hour jetlag, had a marvelous brunch in bed, and then powered on ahead with the day’s activities. Donna had forwarded Gwen the itinerary from Eliza, declaring that she wasn’t going to stress about the agenda as this wasn’t even her idea. Not that Gwen worried about keeping track of it all with how wide her smile was the entire day. They’d gotten wonderful hour-long deep tissue massages, popped in the sauna afterwards, a quick shower at the cabin and taken the town by storm. Which just meant going around town and peer pressuring Donna to tap into the TimeLord knowledge of the town’s history.

“You know,” Donna had said to Martha as they took a milkshake break, “I’m not too sure if he’d have a fit about this.”

She never had to specify who he was. Martha always seemed to know, always giving that small nod in response. “Taking days off wasn’t exactly his thing. For all he said to just travel, he was always doing something, wasn’t he?”

“God, yes. I had to wrestle him into taking us to dinner or heaven forbid the beach!” They shared a soft laugh. “I mean, he enjoyed it, that’s for sure. But I mean, I was talkin’ more about all this,” she tapped at her forehead, “bein’ so here, ya’know?”

“It’s not like he was shy, Donna.”

“Yes, yes, and he was an insufferable show-off in the worst moments. Still, it just,” she shrugs, not sure how to formulate her thoughts and that was definitely very human of her, “it doesn’t feel quite right to just be larkin’ ‘round town and basically pluck out the Wikipedia page about city hall with a blink.”

“Because it’s your doing it, or because he’s not here?”

There went Martha again, being all understanding eyes and soft smiles. Her bedside manner was truly spectacular, and it just made her all the more brilliant a friend. What Donna would’ve given to have a friend like her when she was younger, a true reasonable and supportive person. Introspective talks like these never felt intrusive with her, they hadn’t in a very long time, and Donna was finding herself more receptive to analyzing her feelings than she thought. As she kept quiet, Martha extended the same courtesy, without so much as a blink of impatience.

Gwen came bounding up to them in that moment, fresh snow dusting her shoulders and making a pretty picture as it melted in her hair. Without asking, she squeezed between their bar stools and took a sip from Donna’s shake. “I found a super adorable bookstore, it’s maybe a ten minute walk from here. Are you guys ready? It’s also in a plaza with some clothing stores, and I wanna max out Donna’s card before dinner.”

“Oi!” Donna tugged at Gwen’s ponytail while Martha laughed. “Don’t you have your own money?”

“I cannot afford everything I want to buy.”

“Maybe you should budget like our self-made moneybags over here.” Martha smirked. “Though I don’t think another thou will make much difference to her.”

“Yes, you’re right.” Gwen’s nod was far too somber. Any scraps of severity were demolished as she slurped the last dredges of Donna’s shake before giving a loud sigh. “Guess I’ll have to spend two thousand.”

“Fuck off,” Donna said with all the hostility of a baby duck amid their laughter.

The second day is when the nefarious plan came to light. Breakfast had been at one of the resort restaurants, in the type of place that Donna would’ve been all aflutter stepping foot in years ago. But the atmospheric instrumental music, warm lighting, floor-to-ceiling windows, and softly spoken waitress had long been part of her daily routine. By extension, it was certainly more common in Gwen and Martha’s lives than a decade back. As such, they all knew better than too be as wickedly loud as normal, and the conversation was kept light— to a point.

“Sorry, snowboarding?”

“Yup, our rentals and instructor are scheduled to start at one, and,” Gwen paused to take a forkful of her omelet, “Eliza booked us for four hours.”

“Four hours?!” Her voice rose well above ‘indoor,’ and Martha motioned at her. “Are you flippin’ nuts, Gwen?” Her niece shrugged and kept eating. “I’m not snowboardin’ for four bloody hours, hard pressed to find me there for e’en one!”

“You can’t tell me you’ve never tried it.” Donna scoffed at Martha. “What did you do when you were here last?”

“Watch over a bunch of sixteen year olds.” She pointed a fork at Gwen, quickly adding, “And don’t say your lot wasn’t that bad or so help me God—” Gwen deflated, but grumbled under her breath before sipping her hot chocolate.

“It’s not that difficult, Donna. Plus, you’re not goin’ in blind. We’ve got an instructor.”

“I take it you’ve done this before,” she said dryly.

“Years ago, yeah! It’s loads of fun, believe me. It’s just like that game the arcade has, just with more wind around you.” Donna kept as blank an expression as possible as she buttered her croissant without looking down. “Oh, c’mon, you know the one! Gwen,” she turned to the younger girl, “she knows what I’m talking about right?”

Gwen sucked her teeth and gave a small shake. “I’ve literally never been able to get her into an arcade.”

For a brief moment, a second even, Martha’s face fell. But just as quick she smiled the way that doctors do when they know chances are slim but they have to keep moral up, and Donna narrowed her eyes. “Well, no matter. It’s all balance and coordination, and even if you fall a few times, it’s going t’be fun!”

It was not being fun. She ate snow too many times to count, the cold was well past her bones and into her soul, and she was certain her ass was going to be covered in bruises. Gwen had, naturally glided around like a professional, all sparkling eyes and reddened cheeks. She looked like the poster girl for the slopes as her red hair whipped around her, making her an easy dot to follow. Martha had needed just a slight assistance from the instructor, and if there wasn’t near a twenty year difference between them, Donna would have immediately accused her of having practiced recently.

“Donnaaaaa.” Gwen might be whining, but that smile is still plastered on her face. “Don’t be such a sourpuss.”

“I will be as sour as I damn well please.”

“Donna,” cut in Martha as she gracefully came up the side and looked like a damn movie star taking off her helmet, “we’ve only been here an hour.” Donna eyes bulged but Martha kept talking. “I think you might just be overthinking it. I mean, what if during your travels, you would’ve had to snowboard?”

“I would have gladly taken my role as bait.”

“No,” the word was very forceful and Donna scrunched her nose at it. “You would not. You would have given it your one hundred percent effort and been brilliant at it. I sincerely doubt you’re givin’ more than thirty percent.”

“Mrs. Temple-Noble,” the three swung their attention to the instructor, “I will agree that you could be putting just a little more enthusiasm into your attempts. Often times your success depends on your state of mind too, not just your state of body.”

“Thanks Jared, I’ll make sure to blame my mind when I snowball off the curve.” The instructor gave a sigh, the first (and certainly not last) break in his professional demeanor. “However, I am pushing fifty and my body doesn’t work like it used to before.”

Gwen hums a little ditty at her words, which Donna can’t place but Martha can. She gives the younger girl a slap to her shoulder and Gwen looks only slightly sheepish. They seem to have a silent talk in the next few moments while Donna might as well be climbing Jared in her attempts to stand up. If she wasn’t so worried about getting frostbite on her ass, she might have interrogated them about their charades game.

“Ya know, Sylvia had mentioned that Nerys was gonna go snowboarding this year.” Donna had been about to remove the snowboard when the mention of her best frenemy come out. Gwen continued a bit too offhandedly. “I think she’d said she wanted to invite you, but you don’t know how to snowboard, so it would’ve killed the mood. Isn’t that right, Martha?”

“When I talked to Veena, she wouldn’t shut up about it. She said that—”

“Shut up, shut up. I’m not goin’ to have that fuckin’ breadstick think she can do better. You know who taught her to roller skate? Me!” She huffed and pulled at the hem of her snow jacket. “I’ll shove this board up her arse before lettin’ her win this, Jared, let’s do this again, chop chop.”

She missed the fistbump shared between the younger women in all her blustering rage.

It doesn’t take Donna long after that to get the hang of it. She’s nowhere near the level of expertise that Gwen shows, but that’s fine. She can at least go down the beginners slopes with them and scream with laughter once they reach the bottom in one piece. Jared finishes his four hours with them, but they keep on going until they can’t deny the sun is setting and everyone is being instructed off the snow. She’s sure to be aching in the morning, but she’s smiling the entire time Martha and Gwen are recounting the day’s adventure over room service.

The third day is short given their late afternoon flight. They wake up late, make quick work of their packing, and set out for a casual lunch. They end up passing through a chocolate shop going back to the resort, and Donna nearly melts as she bites into her eclair.

“What would your trainer say?” Martha’s eyes are crinkled up as she teases. She takes Donna’s shove with a chuckle.

“Sod off, do you have any idea ‘ow many calories I burned yesterday? I more than deserve this.”

“Snowboarding is a great way to start.” Gwen kept her gaze straight ahead, even as she kept her arm linked to Donna’s. “It really makes your body and mind work together, and counts on a sense of timing too. Really makes you use your core the entire time without neglecting the rest of your body. You know what else does that?” She didn’t wait for Donna to respond. “Taekwondo, karate, jujitsu, or—”

“Oh my God, was that the whole point of this? To keep pushin’ your martial arts agenda?”

“She has a point.”

“Absolutely not!”

“What’s the harm in learning a little self-defense? You’re not really only workin’ in an office. You still come across aliens and thwart plans all the time.”

“And I have a trainer that makes sure I can still run away before they lay a hand on me.”

They bicker, two against one, pretty much the rest of the day until they have to check out. She gives in and calls Eliza on speaker phone while Gwen is still listing the mental benefits of martial arts. The assistant sounds properly confused when she says she wants to book gym space next week. The look of elated shock on Gwen’s face when Donna throws her the phone to request what’s needed almost makes the forthcoming torture worth it.

“Was that so hard, Donna?”

“You’re not getting’ off that easy, Martha, I’ll haul you outta the hospital myself if you don’t show up.”

#[ drabble ]#yoakkemae #manaborn #i totally went overboard with this #i literally didnt know how to stop it #is this exactly fun? idk but i had fun writing it

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afewmarvelousthoughts · 5 years

Text

Truth Pt. 12

Truth Master List

Request:

What’s up sug! sorry you’re struggling right now but I’ve come to help you If you could bring this to light for me I’d absolutely love for YOU TO DO JT So basically Bucky X Enhanced reader who are fuckin enemies. Hate each other to every last fiber of their beings bc Bucky is rude and she calls him out on it. AnywHs, they get drunk, truth or dare (go crZy baby) and LOTS LF dirty talk if u wanna do smut but if u don’t then buck taking care of her while she’s drunk cause she admitted her feelings

Pairing: Bucky X Reader (Enhanced)

Summary: Since The Avengers gave you a home the only blight has been Bucky Barnes, a ghost from your past that you can’t seem to shake. It makes you hate him. The feeling, it seems, is mutual. But… a simple game reveals that maybe things aren’t quite so simple. (Post Winter Soldier AU)

Warnings: FLUFF, FEELS, CUTE MOMENTS, only a little sad

A/N: Look. I’m a sucker for Bucky dancing, I’m a sucker for cheese (sometimes) and also I just thought these two deserved a moment like this after everything they’ve been through. Ugh. I love them.

Tags are open!

@midnightdream83 @mywinterwolf @disagreetoagree @breezy1415 @peachthatdrinkslemonade @wonderlandmind4 @piensa-bonito @handplucked @buckysstar @sam-jae @marauder--harder @for-the-love-of-the-fandom @andreagf956 @marvelousmeggi @jewelofwinter @fairislesheets @animegirlgeeky @lydklein1 @katecolleen @siriuslycloudy2 @zannemes

The next morning you slip out while Bucky is still sleeping for your appointment with Tony and Bruce.

You were happy he managed to get some sleep. Throughout the night you kept waking up, terrified he’d stopped breathing or constantly seeing that image of him bleeding from a wound you’d inflicted on him…

The moment the elevator opens you’re met with Black Sabbath blaring. It wouldn’t have been your first choice but you’re not mad about it either.

“Mornin’ Sparks!” Tony bellows from the other side of the room.

“Coffee or tea?” Bruce asks.

“No fasting?”

“Nah.”

“Coffee.” Bruce pours you a cup and brings it over to the chair you were at a few days prior.

“We just needed that for the initial blood tests.” You hold your arm out and he begins to attach the nodes.

Tony heads over when Bruce is about done, Dum-E on his heels. “Sorry, had to fix this idiot.”

“Be nice to him,” you smile at the robot.

Tony laughs shaking his head and holds out a bag of banana chips. You take a few, munching them, mind wandering back to Bucky.

“Hey,” Tony sits next to you, placing a hand on your shoulder, “you ok?”

“I’m fine. I’m not the one who got a hole torn in their side yesterday.”

“It really looked worse than it was,” Bruce says, tone trying to reassure you.

“I know how much worse it could have been…” You feel the energy rise in you.

“Damn,” Tony looks at the screen. “Tell me, after a fight are you able to get your power up and running faster?”

“Uh… maybe? I’ve never really paid attention to it.”

“Because it took almost an hour for you to reach this high of a level the other day. And now what, five minutes?”

“Could be linked to emotion too.” Bruce would know.

“Yeah. Both maybe? Sorry, I know that’s not helpful.”

“No, but it’s interesting.” Tony studies the readings as the energy quiets. “The signature is also just a touch different-”

“Not quite as stable,” Bruce finishes. It’s like you’re not really there. Which is honestly ok with you.

“So you and Lefty,” Tony pops some chips in his mouth, “had quite the tiff. Guess you made up?”

You glare at him for a minute before responding. “I guess making him bleed was good enough payback for being a chauvinist.”

“Maybe,” he glances at the screen. “You should actually talk about it though.”

“Are you really giving me relationship advice?”

“More of a suggestion. Based on my own many and likely continuing mistakes.” Bruce snickers and Tony throws a chip at his head.

You laugh and sigh. “As much as I hate these words, you’re probably right.”

“You just broke rule #1, Y/N.” Bruce shakes his head in mock disappointment.

For the rest of your appointment, you run through some of the same things you did before. Bringing your energy up and down, letting it crackle from your fingertips, forming and dissipating.

Tony and Bruce both study the screens after you’re unhooked. “You boys need anything else from me?”

“Nah, you’re good Sparky. I’ll let you know if we need ya.”

“Have fun nerds!” You call over your shoulder as you head back to Bucky’s apartment to check on him.

When you open the door the smell of bacon makes your stomach growl. The sound of Bucky singing along to Sinatra’s Fly Me To The Moon brings a smile to your face and an ache to your heart. What if you’d-

“Y/N?” Bucky’s calls from by the stove.

“Yeah, it’s me. Sorry I didn’t knock…”

He comes out of the kitchen with a mug of coffee for you. “You don’t have to knock.”

“Thanks,” you take the mug from him but don’t take a sip, your lips pursed, trying to settle your nerves.

“You’re welcome. Thought you may be hungry.” He nods toward the kitchen and heads back.

Slowly you follow taking a seat at one if the bar stools. You stare into the mug, the silence only broken by the sizzling from the pan for the next few minutes.

As he cracks and whisks the eggs you can’t stand it anymore. “Why are you doing this?” You snap.

He turns around, bowl in hand one brow raised. “Like I said, I thought you’d be-”

“I could have fucking killed you Bucky…”

“Yeah,” you feel your face contort at the admission. “But it was my fault.” You turn back to your coffee, the guilt too overwhelming.

He turns the burner off and comes to your side, “Look at me, Y/N.” His right fingers graze your left cheek, gently turning your face to his. The expression on his face is soft, eyes crinkled slightly at the corners. “You had it handled. I… I was... well I was acting like my fucking father. Like I knew better based on nothing but my own pride. Because of that I got in the way and got caught in the crossfire. That isn’t on you, baby.”

You reach a shaky hand out to touch his side lightly where the bandages were. Bucky takes your hand in his, lifting it to his lips. “I can’t promise I won’t ever be an authoritative prick again. But I’ll work on it, I promise.” Sniffing hard you nod. “We ok?”

“Yeah. We’re good.”

The two of you enjoy a nice breakfast and have just curled up on the couch to watch a movie, both of you still tired from the mission, when Tony texts you:

“Hey. Can you come back for a minute? Wanna talk about something.”

You sigh heavily.

“What is it?” His back is pressed against your upright torso, head on your chest. Tilting his head to the side he looks up at you.

“Tony needs me to come back to the lab for something.”

“Ok,” Bucky groans a little as he sits up, the exhaustion clearly kicking in. “Tell him if he keeps you too long he’s gotta deal with me.”

You laugh, “You got it, Sarge.” Standing you lean down and press a kiss to his forehead.

Tony’s at his desk, the lab quiet for once. It’s unnerving.

“What’s so bad that you don’t even have music on, Ton?”

“Huh?” He looks at you distracted. “Oh! Nothin’ bad just needed to focus and couldn’t find the right song.” He flashes you a half smile.

“Tony…?”

“I just can’t work out how you tick. It’s unlike anything we’ve seen…”

You can’t help but laugh bitterly, “Well you’ve only tested me twice.”

“True but the results are so different. I mean… the base readings are pretty similar but… I just hate a problem I can’t solve, or that I don’t even know how to start.”

“Are you trying to… fix me, Tony?” A cold feeling of betrayal begins to settle over you.

“No! Absolutely not!” He looks horrified and you feel like an idiot for thinking that. “Unless you want me to… I just want to be sure we can keep you, ya know...”

“From blowing up and killing everyone?”

He rolls his eyes, “I was going to find a more tactful way to put it.”

“Tact isn’t your style man.”

“Ouch!” He dramatically grabs his chest. “Anyway, I was wondering if you’d be cool with me tagging along on your next few missions as a non-combatant. I just want to monitor your levels in real time, see how they change in combat vs. in a controlled setting. But I don’t want you to feel like I’m babysitting you.”

You think about this. It could be a little weird. Tony usually stayed out of most basic missions, only really getting involved in the ones where they needed the extra firepower. Honestly you always like when he’s along and you can think of another good reason to have him…

“I’m game. But I need you to promise me something.”

Tony’s brows raise with suspicion. “That makes me nervous… suuuuuure.”

“If you’re with us and something goes wrong. If I’m down or compromised in some way… get him out.”

Tony’s face settles into a stoic mask as the weight of what you’re asking settles over him. “Y/N…”

“Look, I don’t have any intention of throwing myself to the wolves or anything but after yesterday… I just don’t trust he won’t do something stupid to save me if he thinks he can… no matter if it’s a lost cause.”

“He’ll put up one hell of a fight. I saw how he looked at you Y/N the other day. That man is-”

“You can handle him. Plus… you’re the only one that can besides Steve and…”

“He’ll hate anyone who pulls him out. You figure I can handle that.” He smirks.

“Tony…”

“No you’re right, I can. And I am the only one. So yeah, deal.”

You give him a cold smile, it wasn’t exactly something to be happy about. “Alright.” You stand and extend a hand to shake on it.

He takes it and pulls you into a hug. “Just don’t put me in that position Sparky. You don’t get to just cash it in, ok?”

“I won’t.” You pull away, this time your smile is genuine. “Besides, without me, who’re you gonna make playlists for?”

“Exactly.”

You enter the elevator with a strange sense of hope warming your chest. A sense that grows and grows over the next few months.

For the most part, you’ve moved into Bucky’s place. Sure you still technically have your own apartment in the tower but you haven’t stayed there one night since that mission where you injured him. Your clothes, records, and even some of your photos have made their way into his drawers, shelves, and onto his walls slowly but surely.

On nights where you’re not beat from a mission or eating with the team, you cook together. Dancing everything from the waltz to tango as various dishes bubble away on the stove. You even convince him on a few occasions to invite one or two people over for dinner or drinks that aren’t Steve.

Nat and Clint join you one night. Another it’s them and Steve, which proves to be hilarious back and forth between best friends calling one another out on their reckless bull shit. You laugh yourself to tears more times that night than you can count. When you have Sam over things are awkward for about a half hour before they gang up on you to argue the superiority of Star Trek to Star Wars.

Tony accompanies you to whatever missions he’s able. Mainly he hangs back in the jet, looking over the feedback Jarvis sends him from the cuffs he modified to not only offer (hopefully anyway) emergency stabilization but to give him readings on your energy levels, how the signature changes, temperature fluctuations, and other minute details you never pay attention to.

When you’re back on the jet he usually would do a more thorough scan as you fly home. Determined to figure out just what Hydra did and how he can give you the most control possible. It warms your heart that he’s so determined.

Only twice do they pick up on any more energy signatures that come close to your own. The first was a false positive. While the other seemed to be just residual energy since the facility appears to have been abandoned for years. In fact, you’re fairly certain it was one of yours, judging from the way your head feels like it’s filled with static and the soul-shredding dreams that followed that night.

Bucky held you while you screamed and cried. You weren’t able to make your tongue form the words, some block in your brain preventing you from speaking about that facility. It was ok though, he understood. The night was spent with him rocking you gently in his arms, singing softly to you, grounding you to a present so wonderful it made the past truly feel like nothing more than a bad nightmare.

You weren’t the only one to deal with ghosts though. It was a particularly brutal mission, the Hydra agents were determined to win or die… needless to say, they didn’t win. Bucky had been cornered with Nat by about 10 agents. When you saw them after they were both covered with viscera and blood, looking more like animals than humans.

That night you rolled over to find the bed empty the door to the bathroom cracked, the sound of the shower running seeping out. You padded quietly over, pushing the door open slowly, not wanting to startle him. Bucky was on the floor of the shower, head pressed to his knees. Scalding hot water hitting him from all angles, his skin pink and red. When he lifted his head you felt your heart shatter. His face a mask of fear, pain, regret, and horror.

He didn’t have to explain to you why, though he wants to. What he wants is irrelevant. Had you asked for a mission report he could have given it, could have recited every horrifying detail of the day. His mouth opens and closes as you tentatively approach.

“Zamorozka,” is all he’s finally able to manage in a shaky voice when you’re by the shower. Freezing. Cryo. That’s what they would have done after a mission like that just to be sure. Wipe. Reset.

Nodding you strip your clothes, stepping into the cloud of steam to sit behind him, warm him further with your body, pull him as far from that freezing hell as you possibly could. For a long while, you hold him, kiss his tense back muscles, remind him where he is. When you coax him out of the shower you tell Jarvis to crank the heat in the apartment. You wrap Bucky in cozy clothes and blankets and though you’re practically sweating you don’t care.

But even with those and a handful of other times that your past comes knocking in the night, the two of you find something neither ever hoped for. Happiness. He frustrates the hell out of you some days but he makes you laugh, never questions your silences, and goddamn if he wasn’t incredible in the sack.

And it seems that you make him happy too. You’ll catch him watching you from time to time, a warm smile lighting his features. He’s more personable to everyone, even Sam commenting that he likes him better now. Steve is convinced you’re bringing back more of his old self, you hope that’s true.

Bucky can’t help the smile on his face. All you’re doing is caring an armload of blankets in from the bedroom but still… it makes him unbearably happy.

Everyone is wrapped up in gala business. Some necessary evil PR stunt for the Avengers. No one has mentioned anything about having to attend to either of you so instead, you’re taking the time to watch movies and eat copious amounts of shitty food.

He pops a cheese puff in his mouth and you look over to him. “If you eat all those I’ll zap you.” Laughing Bucky walks over and tosses a neon orange ball at you. Effortlessly you catch it, munching loudly.

“What’re we starting with?” He settles next to you, tugging you close.

“Reservoir Dogs, Tony’s been harping on me to watch it and I just want him to shut up about it.”

Bucky laughs, “Alright. Hit it Jarvis.” The windows darken to block out some of the early afternoon light and the film starts.

They’re no more than 20 minutes in when Jarvis pops in. “Pardon the interruption, Captain Rogers is on his way up.”

You exchange a glance, “Everything alright, Jarvis?”

“To my knowledge, yes.”

When Steve raps at the door Bucky gets up to let him in. “Hey, sorry to interrupt.”

“It’s fine.” You pipe from the living room as they head in. “Cheese puff?” Steve smiles at the proffered bowl, never one to turn down a snack he grabs a handful as he sits.

“What’s goin’ on?” Bucky settles back at your side, automatically taking your free hand in his own.

“This damn gala.”

Bucky laughs, “You never did like a dance, Stevie.”

Steve rolls his eyes, “Hard to when every gal had a foot on me at least.”

“Mhm. That was why.” He turns to you, “He just doesn’t like dancing.”

“You do though.” You both turn your eyes back to Steve, Bucky’s suspicion mounting. “That’s kinda why I’m here…”

He reaches over and nabs more cheese puffs, shoving some in his mouth before continuing. “Hill thinks maybe you should both attend.”

You just popped a puff in your mouth and begin coughing a bit, “What?!”

“Don’t shoot the messenger,” Steve holding a hand up in surrender. “She said it would be excellent PR for the team to let people see-”

“The reformed freak show?” Bucky’s grip tightens on your hand. This puts a bad taste in his mouth. Steve looks wilted and Bucky regrets his tone.

“No man, at least I don’t think it’s like that.” His fingers begin to drum on his knee. A classic Rogers tell that he’s nervous as all hell. “I think it’s more to show people that you’re not something to be afraid of, either of you.” Bucky feels you shift next to him.

“The public knows there are two former Hydra assets on the team. You,” he gestures to Bucky, “they know about from the Battle of The Potomac. But, Y/N, you’re a total mystery which is almost worse.”

Bucky stares at the place where your clasped hands rest. People fear what they don’t know. “So… this is a PR suggestion, not a team decision?” He can feel the tension in your body.

“Yeah, but everyone agrees it’s probably a good move. It’s a secure event, every attendee vetted. Plus it’s here in the tower so if you need to duck out, you can.”

“Bruce said the last one wasn’t bad,” your voice seems kind of small.

He looks over at you, your eyes also glued on the spot where your bodies connect. “Do you wanna go, doll?”

You laugh a little bitterly, looking up, “I mean… it’s not my thing, I didn’t even go to prom but if everyone thinks it a good call and will help PR… I kinda feel like we should.”

Suddenly he feels kind of excited, having you on his arm, dancing with you… Of course, there’d be all the other people, press, and… He swallows hard. “Alright. We’re in.”

“Thank god.” Steve looks genuinely relieved.

With the gala on Saturday night, your relaxing Thursday afternoon immediately shifts. Now there are clothes to be chosen and fitted, logistics to discuss, various preparations to be made.

Bucky is drug off with Tony and Pepper takes you on. Tony gets his tailor on fitting a suit for Bucky immediately since apparently what Bucky had wasn’t suitable, despite the fact that Tony keeps insisting that the event isn’t super formal. It makes him think of when he’d let his sisters dress him up. Except he’s more annoyed and less endeared.

The next day you’re both back in fittings after breakfast. When you’re done it’s lunchtime and you both look spent. Still, it’s off to a meeting with Hill to cover security details, as much for the attendees as all of you.

Most everyone would enter at the beginning of the party, do the press thing, answer a few preselected questions, etc. When they’re going over this Steve looks like he wants to puke. It’s the one time Bucky’s happy he’s known for being an unstoppable murder machine.

The two of you and Bruce would hang back, coming in an hour after the others once the event actually starts. This doesn’t mean there won’t be some pictures snapped throughout the evening or even that people won’t attempt to interact with you all but it will take the pressure of being in the spotlight off. All that’s really asked is that you all stay for at least a half hour but if you need to leave that’s ok.

No weapons would be allowed into the building. All of you were welcome to arm yourselves as you saw fit. While they never anticipate anything to go wrong, few were bold enough to make a move inside Avenger’s Tower, after all, it never hurt to be prepared.

Saturday morning comes and you’re both already over it. His initial excitement has been smothered in anxiety and general annoyance with the whole process. Plus he knows as soon as he sees Tony, he’s going to have to once again make it clear that he’s not cutting his hair.

“Let’s just say we’re sick.” You press tighter into his side, burying your face in his chest.

His lips curl a touch as he strokes the back of your head. “Don’t think that’ll fly, doll.”

“Thirty minutes has never seemed so long in my life. And after Hydra, I feel like that’s saying something.” You roll over onto your back next to him.

He can’t help but laugh. “It’ll be fine,” he tangles his fingers with yours. “Besides, didn’t Tony say he put together a great playlist?”

“Not worth it.” Your phone buzzes on your nightstand. Groaning you pick it up. “It shouldn’t take a whole day to get ready for anything ever. It’s just not right.”

“You’ll have fun, Nat’ll be there.” You slide him a sidelong glance. “Promise after this we’ll see about running off someplace for a few days. Sound good?”

You smile before pouncing on him, straddling his hips, kissing him hard. “The thought of having you all to myself for a few days may just get me through this.”

Your phone buzzes again and you go to get off, he pulls you back, “I think they can wait a minute.” He lifts his hips to fully press the hard length of him against you.

“I think you’re right Barnes.”

His good mood lasts until the exact second Tony asks about his hair for the sixth time in the last three days. “Stark, if you ask me one more time I swear to god I’ll-”

“Alright, alright,” Tony’s hands are up. “At least pull it back.”

“Planned on it.”

“Give him some credit, Tony, the man wasn’t raised by wolves,” Clint pipes up from the couch where he’s waiting to try his suit on too.

Bucky doesn’t see you for the rest of the day. Pepper planned what she swore would be a fun ‘girls day’ for all the women on the team. He hopes you’re having fun but as the clock ticks closer his anxiety over everything is peaking. Seeing you, he knows will calm some of it. He’d face anything with you by him.

You were all meeting in the common space for a toast before the majority of the team went down to kick things off. When he gets there, it’s just the guys, drinking whiskey and lounging.

“I guess you clean up alright Barnes.” Sam lifts his tumbler of amber liquid in Bucky’s direction.

“You don’t look terrible either, Wilson.”

“Psh,” Sam scoffs as Bucky takes a seat by Steve on the couch, “I know I look damn fine in this Armani. Not that you’d know taste if it hit you upside the head.”

Bucky has to admit, Sam’s burgundy suit is pretty sleek. He’d opted for something black. Its slim cut seems strange but it’s the style now. The jacket, Tony insisted, could be worn open and thank god this wasn’t something he needed a tie for. In fact, the perfectly tailored white button-up was open a few buttons, making it fairly comfortable.

It’s almost twenty minutes before the elevator dings. Everyone but you and Natasha file out. Tony catches Pepper up in a passionate kiss. Hill looks incredible in pants that hug her legs and what looks like a men’s blazer without a shirt under, very her. The other gals look great too.

Since time was getting tight Tony goes ahead and gathers everyone around, popping a bottle of champagne and pouring glasses. Finally, Natasha saunters in but oddly you’re not with her.

“Sorry I’m late, had to figure out where comfortably put a pistol,” Natasha announces. She’s in a bold number. Gold, short, strapless, with a triangle cut out showing her cleavage perfectly.

“Told you not to go with the Versace,” Hill quips.

“Ok, but how could I not. Just look at me.” She flashes Bucky a smile, “Y/N is right behind me.”

On cue, the elevator doors open and you step out and Bucky’s jaw hits the floor. You’re radiant in a floor-length black gown, sheer from the waist down with black overlays resembling roses with crystals providing shimmer, the neckline plunges almost to your waist, your arms bare. Your hair is swept and pinned to one side, curls perfectly shielding half your face, your lips a deep blood red.

“Woah.” Steve breathes out next to him. “I don’t know if you can handle that Buck.”

“You may be right,” Bucky can’t take his eyes off you as you float over to them.

“I feel slightly ridiculous.” You say exasperated as he wraps you in his arms.

“You look beautiful.”

You smile softly, a slight blush on your cheeks. “Thanks”

“I may have to take back what I said about your lack of taste, Barnes.” Sam teases before Tony shuts everyone up for the toast.

When the time finally comes to slip into the party you grab his metal hand so hard you’d likely break a regular Joe’s bones. Bruce goes first. Since you’re supposed to wait a few minutes he pulls you into him. Kissing you, his fingers grabbing your hair by the roots, body pressed tights against yours. Your panting when he releases you.

“You’re lucky this lipstick is magic.” He laughs noting it didn’t budge.

“Ready darlin’?”

“Now I am.”

Hand in hand you walk into the room. The door is tucked in a back corner so no one really notices either of you for a minute. That is until Captain America just has to pull up next to you both.

“Save me,” Steve whines.

Bucky can’t resist laughing at how visibly uncomfortable his best friend is. He clasps his free hand on Steve’s shoulder, “Come on, pal. Can’t be that bad.”

Honestly, it wasn’t bad at all. People keep a wary but curious distance from the two ex-Hydra agents in their midst. This means when the other team members want to have a minute away from their PR faces they just gravitate toward the two of you. He wants to dance with you but honestly, he’s too nervous to drag you out into the big middle of it all. It’s fun to watch the others dance and get a little silly though.

After a couple of hours, Tony and Pepper approach you.

“Come on,” Tony’s free hand grabs Bucky’s.

“What?” Bucky has no clue what Stark is playing at.

“Grab that gorgeous woman and get on the damn dance floor with us.”

Pepper smiles at you with a wink, “As much as I hate to agree with Tony, that Elie Saab you’re wearing is too beautiful to be a wallflower.”

A few light synth notes start and all the sudden you bust out laughing. “Foreigner?! Tony? Really?”

“This is a great song!” Tony’s face takes on a mock look of offense. Bucky doesn’t know the song but he’s not hating it, unlike some of the other stuff you had him listen to.

As the four of you begin to sway on the dance floor the crowd there thins out a bit. You’re still giggling in his arms. “Tony is such a lame ass.”

“What was that Sparky?” Tony shouts over the music.

“You’re a lame ass!” You shout back, Pepper belts a laugh and there are distinct snickers from the crowd.

You’re both laughing as he spins you out when the melodramatic chorus kicks in. The two of you manage some kind of waltz sway mashup, giggling like kids.

Natasha and Sam join you all and seem to be getting a kick out of the song choice too, singing along. As the song turns takes on a choral vibe you, Tony, and Pepper, along with a chunk of the crowd all join in. Bucky swears his face aches from smiling.

When it ends he can’t help but spin you into his arms and kiss you. A few whoops from around them makes it sink in just how public this is. Somehow he doesn’t really care. Your head falls back and your ringing laugh sends his heart soaring.

“Careful Tin Man,” Tony playfully elbows him, “wearin’ your heart on your sleeve there.”

Bucky thinks that Tony Stark had never been more right in his life.

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky #soft bucky #bucky fluff

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millennialzadr · 5 years

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About Page!

Hello~! Thank you so much for visiting my blog! My name is Koya, I’m 25, I’m pansexual, my pronouns are she/her, and I’m a full time freelance artist! My main blog is @koyakyuuun, so I’ll be liking and following from there!

Below are some guidelines for those who are curious to know more about this blog and what to expect from it, as well as some general info and FAQs!

Content Guidelines!

The focus of this blog!

So this blog is a mish mash of a couple different themes, but above all it is an adult oriented Invader Zim fan blog!! I grew up with the show and and was a BIG fan during highschool, and after rediscovering it this year I have been DAZZLED and DELIGHTED by the fan content being produced today!! I have a deeply nostalgic yet completely new perspective on the show now that I’m in my 20s, so alongside of celebrating iz content and fan content in general, this blog will center around my niche fave: the iz cast + millennial culture! in other words, the characters depicted as if they lived in the real world and aged in real time! I loved and related to the characters as a kid, and I still love them dearly to this day, so to see people experiment with character interpretations and create adult versions of them means I can still relate to them even now, and even make my own versions! and as a queer neurodivergent millennial who loves niche culture, my favorite versions of the characters are queer neurodivergent millennials who love niche culture!! (and by niche culture I mean MEMES, AESTHETICS, BAD FASHION, GAY CULTURE, CRYPTID CULTURE, DARK CORNERS OF THE INTERNET, CREATIVELY WEIRD SELF EXPRESSION ETC!!)

And of course the other main theme which fits into the first: ZADR! while I don’t ship Zim and Dib as they’re canonically presented in the show, I DO adore the idea of the two growing up together, eventually becoming friends, and eventually falling in love. I’m a Big Gay and I love romance and lgbt content, and ZADR holds such a soft place in my heart 😭 I wrote a big post about why I love it so much which you can see here if you’re curious about my interpretation of the ship!

And now, some guidelines!!

Things I enjoy and will be posting/reblogging!

- general IZ content! because holy SHIT I love the show and ALL the content the fandom creates is awe inspiring and amazing!!!

- millennial culture/humor! I FUCKING LOVE IZ + 2019 POP CULTURE REFERENCES AND MEME CONTENT OKAY

- POSITIVE CONTENT! IZ is my comfort content and I deeply admire the positive impact the show has had on so many people. I also interpret Zim and Dib as having hard lives and mental problems but eventually recovering and finding happiness (and making each other happy!!). I do also love vent content and gritty/dark themes from an artistic standpoint (and of course comedic Depression™ memes) but I will be focusing much more on comforting and uplifting content!

- character development/relationships, fluff, comedy, domestic content, daily life, sci fi, conspiracy/cryptid content, fashion portraits and camp horror!! these are my favorite themes!!

- friendship, romance, and found family!! I adore the relationships between the characters and they ALL DESERVE LOVE!!!!! JHONEN CAN BITE MY ASS

- the IZ creators!! speaking of Jhonen LOL I LOVE seeing content about the creators themselves!! I genuinely have such affection and admiration for the wonderful people who brought and continue to bring the world of IZ to life, they are such amazing and inspiring human beings and I will be celebrating them alongside their creations!!

- IZ characters + aesthetics!! some of my MOST favorite IZ content depicts the characters being stylized with or sporting the fashion of vaporwave, goth, grunge, pastel, spacecore, cryptidcore, future funk, 90s disastercore and any and all things strange, niche, glittery and neon, and I FUCKING LOVE IT. GOD

- and lastly, I talk a fuck of a lot, as you can probably tell by this post lol. I’ll be screaming in the tags constantly and am liable to write the occasional super long text post! for those who are into that, I invite you to have discussions with me! and for those who aren’t, feel free to ignore them!

Things I will be staying away from!

- romantic content that depicts the characters as minors AKA underage zadr!! there will be no kid ships here! I’m an adult and only enjoy shipping adult versions of the characters! kid content will be either canon, wholesome, or friendship content! while I do find adult versions of the characters attractive since they have qualities I find attractive in real life, I see the adult versions as almost completely different people since they’re so far removed from the source content, and the love I feel for the canon kids is HIGHLY maternal and very nostalgia centric. this would probably be more clear if I didn’t lump the two types of content into the same blog, but I really do love both the adult fan interpreted IZ world and the canon IZ world in equal measure, just in different ways!

- content that fetishizes or ‘yaoi’-fies gay relationships! I am a queer person and I enjoy queer content made by queer people for queer people, you’re not gonna find any “B-BUT WE’RE BOTH BOYS!” shit here 😂

- content that depicts abuse between friends or partners!! while violence is an active theme in zim and dib’s canonical relationship, I very much dislike zadr content that depicts the two being aggressive or malicious towards each other while they’re supposedly in love. complex relationships are certainly interesting, but while toxic and abusive relationships are realistic, they’re not okay and should not be romanticized. I understand some people use that kind of content to cope, but for me it’s nothing but bad feelings. sparring and play fighting is fine and good, consensual violence could be interesting to explore, but hatred will stay separate from romance on this blog.

- discourse and long conversations about negative topics! I acknowledge the importance of discussing problems within the fandom, however I wish for this blog to be a positive and comforting place, since iz content in general is positive and comforting for me! there may be an occasional post that touches on real life negative topics but overall this will be kept to a minimum.

- explicit content!! while I DO both draw and consume nsfw adult zadr content, it will not be on this blog! since tumblr decided to be idiots and remove any way for minors and people who don’t wish to see nsfw content to hide it, this blog will remain pg-13. I will also not be providing any links to my other sites because of this (I am a nsfw artist and I sell porn commissions for a living, not trying to shove that in the faces of my minor, ace and sex repulsed followers, but by all means seek out my art if you DO wish to!). similarly, I will not be releasing my nsfw zadr art publicly anywhere, since aged up characters are controversial and my career, being online, could suffer if someone wanted to use that against me. HOWEVER, for fellow adult fans with extra cash who take a shine to my art, paid content could be a possibility in the future 👀

Interaction Guidelines!

Things I’m okay with!

- tagging my posts in any way you wish! kinning is fine! any ship interpretation is fine! any gender/orientation interpretation is fine! sharing your thoughts/opinions is fine!

- as long as you CREDIT me! using my art for icons/headers etc, drawing my iz designs, referencing my art, and reposting my art on other sites is all okay!

- asks or anons of any questions you might have about me or my content!

- asks or anons popping in to share thoughts, opinions and ideas! it’s always nice to hear from other fans!

- leaving comments in the tags/replies/reblogs of my posts makes me very happy!! tumblr is the only place I post my fanart and I love seeing what people think of it!

Things I’m not okay with!

- messages, reblogs, tags or asks that are blatantly rude or disrespectful! I really do not care what the subject or reason is, if you act like an asshole, I will not respond and will block you!

- asks or messages that say only ‘hi’ or ‘how are you?’ I have no problem with people trying to be friendly but I never have a single idea of how to reply to these kinds of messages, I’m so sorry 😂 please talk to me about fandom stuff though!!

- pressure to produce content! I like any other creator adore comments and compliments, but things like “DRAW MORE!!” “MORE ZADR!!” “WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO DRAW MORE!!” are not compliments!! it is in fact very off putting so please don’t do that! it will mess with my motivation! consider commissioning me if you want more content!

- if you are considering trying to be my friend, please be 20+!! I am not comfortable being friends with teens! nothing against my teen followers, I respect and appreciate you, but please understand I cannot relate to you on a personal level, and besides that, being friends with someone over 20 can be harmful and even dangerous for minors! I am an adult and only wish to have adult friends! please respect my wishes!

About my content!

So since what I like to draw is usually pretty different from the show, here are the basic headcanons for my interpretations of adult Zim and Dib~! Basically they’re queer 2019 millennials who are damaged but doing their best and enjoy niche interests and subcultures. Zim is the type who’s tough to handle but it’s worth it because he’s an amazing and colorful person underneath it all and only those he’s close to get to see that, and Dib is an eccentric but completely reliable, intelligent, passionate, and loyal friend whose company is a familiar comfort and a total safe space. They live together and are mutually beneficial allies to friends to lovers!

I HAVE A FIC, or at least an idea for one lol and when using my designs for the characters, my drawings will most likely be set in its context! Affectionately nicknamed the Soft AU, it’s centered around rest, recovery, affection, care and bonding… bc I’m SOFT OKAY 😂 You can read the full summary here, but here’s the gist!

A little over a decade after arriving on earth, Zim’s banishment is reinstated and as a result his entire base and all his equipment is confiscated, leaving him stranded on Earth with no way off the planet and in danger of being caught and killed by the humans. Dib offers him a deal that he’ll hide Zim instead of turning him in in exchange for letting him study Zim. They live together in Dib’s apartment and eventually get used to each other. Loneliness induced affection ensues. Hooray!!

And now for the boys themselves!

My Dib!

- 25, 6′2″, Mexican, cis boy, bisexual, bilingual

- is recovering from depression and anxiety and has ADD and insomnia, has had a nicotine addiction

- has a ton of ear piercings and a few facial piercings, as well as a few tattoos

- is still just as obsessive about his interests as he was as a kid, just with more curbed enthusiasm due to, yknow, depression. researching Zim however brings his enthusiasm back full force. he still sucks at taking care of himself when enthralled with his work but he’s getting there

- runs various blogs, forums, and youtube channels making content about cryptids and conspiracy theories, the ad revenue of which is his main source of income (he dislikes using his father’s money to support himself, but will dip into the family account occasionally)

- is very patient and can communicate and problem solve very well, and is skilled at handling various conflicts and mental issues

- still has his ‘I hate people’ attitude but is more open minded and understanding than he used to be, and more compassionate. he has difficulty trusting strangers but his friends and family are very important to him

- can be moody and dramatic but he’s a big sweetheart at his core

- being friends with Zim has made him more willing to enjoy acting like a huge dork and total weirdo, even in public

My Zim!

- young adult, 5′5″, androgynous presenting demi boy, panromantic demisexual

- has PTSD and anxiety, is recovering with help from Dib

- displays inhuman behavior such as hissing, growling, chirring, chirping, scratching/biting, screeching, territory guarding and dominance displays

- is a demi boy, meaning he identifies as mostly but not completely male, and is more nonbinary than cis, but he’s never given it too much thought because gender is stupid. he has little to no concept and zero regard for human gender roles

- is a SHIT who’s main entertainment is annoying Dib and ‘winning’ arguments, but Dib seems to get harder to piss off as time goes on, much to his confusion

- pitches a fit when he doesn’t agree with/doesn’t want to do something but can be swayed with rewards such as food, sweets, new clothes, video games etc

- rambunctious and high energy, he gets stir crazy often, but since he hates the city he and Dib often take car trips to more fun/nicer places outside the neighborhood

- moody and bratty with skewed logic but smart and more intuitive than he used to be, he’s more than a handful to deal with, but this also makes him the most entertaining person Dib knows

- after having the free time to discover the world of aesthetics, he becomes very much into clothes, make up, accessories etc (be they masculine or feminine) and enjoys making a hobby out of creating a unique self image using fashion (thus also subconsciously asserting his individuality)

- is much more dependent on Dib than he admits (or even realizes)

- his beliefs in nationalism, fascism and genocide are direct results of brainwashing and personality altering programs run by his PAK, and are not actually part of his core personality (these programs will be overridden and deleted eventually)

Side Note: I haven’t thought as far with the other characters but my Gaz and Tak are definitely lesbians 😂

And finally, my tag list!

#my art - things that I drew!

#my post - any post that I posted!

#asks - asks!

#text post - any text post longer than a couple lines!

#video - videos!

#audio - audios!

#canon - content from the show/comic/movie etc!

#creators - any content featuring the IZ cast or crew!

#memes - memes, shitposts, short comics, comedic posts etc!

#friends - friendship art between any characters!

#family - family bonding between the membranes/found family between any characters!

#ships - ship art between adult characters!

#suggestive - any content that could be considered sexual in nature!

#positive - fluff, friendship, wholesome content, uplifting content, characters being happy/cute/having fun etc!

#negative - angst, vent art, violence, mental illness, dark themes, characters fighting/being sad/getting hurt etc!

#kids - content depicting characters as kids/irkens as their canon designs!

#adults - content depicting characters as adults/irkens with noncanon designs!

#millennials - content depicting adult characters that includes any modern culture! (personal fave)

#aesthetic - highly stylized or surreal portraits centered around aesthetic themes!

ship tags!: zadr (zim and dib romance), tagr (tak and gaz romance), rapr (red and purple romance)

friendship tags!: zadf (zim and dib friendship), tagf (tak and gaz friendship), zatf (zim and tak friendship), tadf (tak and dib friendship), zagf (zim and gaz friendship), zag (zim and gir)

character tags!: zim, dib, gaz, tak, gir, red, purple, membrane, skoodge, gretchen, keef, spork, miyuki, recap kid, bg chars, ocs

#i wrote an about since this blog is growing FAST #and i intend on staying active for a long time!!#i'll be using all the new tags from now on!#about #faq #my post

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cold-iron-burns · 5 years

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We're living with my partner's family. He and his brothers all have (what is obv to me as an ex MH pro) heavy signs of emotional abuse. They are all back living with their parents (economy is a factor for sure, but their trauma reactions are a massive factor in this case) and one of them was never able to leave (imho there's a ton of completely untreated MI and unsupported autism here and it makes me feel devastated on their behalf that they were/are prevented from getting support; my partner only started getting support for his shit after like a year of letting him know that it's okay and he's not weak for asking for help--and he could reach that place only because he was away from his family for a while and during the initial couple years we were together).

Being in this house is keeping us off the street, but I'm no stranger to emotional abuse; I spent decades in therapy trying to fix my own family of origin abuse and medical neglect (and the two degrees I got trying to pass it forward).

I try to stay out of the way, invisible, which is basically how I spent my childhood (though I am not expected to be their maid, which is different and makes -relatively- pleasant in comparison). When I first moved in here almost a year ago I tried to engage, just to get shut down and shit on about how everything I did wasn't what the father or the other brothers wanted. Provide and prepare a meal? "I don't like this kind of tortilla." "This isn't the brand I eat" "Yes I like shrimp but I don't want to eat it every week!!" (specific foods are a common thing, which I'd be cool with if anyone owned their autism [I'm autistic too, not shitting on situation people here, just lamenting that the entire household is like this and just learned passive aggression as their main communication style and have no idea or don't care that it's kinda garbage to just complain but not, idk, offer any of that info ahead of time or have an actual conversation, even in text, to clarify anything? It's honestly just the delivery/passive aggressive shit that gets me, it's how my mom raised me and I spent fuckin' 20 years unlearning it] where was I? I cleaned wrong (and not bc cleaner choice, I hate strong chemicals), I cooked wrong, buying my partner's mom flowers emasculated his father, apparently wrong (no one has bothered to replace the now months-dead flowers, even though the ones I bought and prepped a few times made her actually fucking smile and talk). So I just fucking stopped trying. It's bad enough that even when they're not being shitty my brain likes to pop flashbacks of csa (mostly bc the father, I can handle the brothers in reasonable doses). Intellectually I'm fairly sure I'm safe, but the parts that remember that stuff can't rely on things like people/adult parts telling them they're safe.

My partner's mom is very sick (which honestly I relate to the above factors, imho she's just ready to check tf out after being a domestic slave; I want to be more supportive of her but honestly I kept getting attacked and I have to take care of me), so this year the men were scrambling to figure out food for Thanksgiving. My partner tried to initiate planning weeks ago, because he knows that they're terrible at this kind of thing. Didn't matter, they still waited until Tuesday the week of to call cracker barrel to cater; of course that didn't work bc that's not how any of this works.

Who planned, sourced, bought, prepared the food? Me and my partner, ofc. But one of them bought a ham and they all fought while prepping it, so I guess they're the saviors of Thanksgiving.

Had to get or make two versions of a bunch of things bc god fuckin forbid they have to eat the GF things that make me less sick. Other households adapt, but sugar and wheat are basically what they live on, so I'm just slowly putting together a mini kitchen in my and my partner's living space (there's no running water, so kudos to him for running 3 gallon containers most every day so I don't have to deal with the men).

Sweet potato, half marshmallow half the way I wanted it (because I'm fucking eating this food too?)

"Ugh, is that coconut? WhO eAtS cOcOnUt On SwEeT pOtaToEs?!?!" This man is like 70, y'all, and he acts like a mean lil brat and everyone just bows to him like he's their fuckin warlock patron.

Who eats coconut on sweet potatoes? The person who decided to buy the fucking sweet potatoes. I'm grateful to my partner for actually putting the topping onto them, because the ire was directed at him and not me. His response was a champion "Half is just marshmallow." Deadpan. Factual, obvious, fuckin statement.

When leaving other partners I realized I missed their family more than I did them (there was one in particular that made me overcome my hatred of holidays while we were together) but this relationship is completely different. Great partner, garbage family.

I wanted to just vent, but also to applaud myself for just not engaging with bullshit or trying to justify anything (in fear I tend to go into lengthy overjustification mode). I waited until everyone got a plate and left, went in the kitchen to get my plate, and fucking went back to the basement (that my partner and I are trying to shape into a workshop and is mostly boxes of shit they haven't looked at in 15 years with our shit on top of them but at least they don't come down here now). I watched youtube. Ate the food my partner and I made. Enjoyed my solitude. As I told my partner, solitude is safety. I didn't force myself to sit at a table with grown ass men who just bitch about everything to be berated about my decisions that had to be made last minute because of their inability to do anything domestic.

If I wanted to sit at a table and smile and nod while getting my head bitten off I'd have called up my family of origin.

Not ideal circumstances, but I took care of myself today. I don't even care if they think I'm a selfish bitch. I'm 36 and I'm finally starting to do things for myself that prevent suffering instead of just having to patch myself up post-abuse.

#actuallydid #actuallyosdd #actuallycptsd #tw csa mention

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crptkng · 5 years

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I feel like I need to post about this because I have nothing better to do and because I would genuinely like to share my experience with BPD (borderline personality disorder)

Now this will get pretty ugly and show the worst parts of me but please don’t think I’m an inherently toxic person for my behaviors that I could not control and that I have better control of as now.

One of the first things you’ll notice about BPD is a marked disturbance in interpersonal relationships I’ve always had a very hard time keeping friends. I would have a certain friend for about a year and then we’d drift apart for no reason. Nothing totally horrible has happened in most of my past relationships, we’ve just either drifted apart or lost contact. However, that’s not to say I haven’t had a few not so healthy relationships. With BPD comes this fun little side effect of you possibly developing an unhealthy attachment to a certain person or people. This has happened to me on multiple occasions, 3 to be exact. This coins the term FP or favorite person.

The earliest I can ever recall and that I recognize now as being such was a good friend of mine that I met back in 2010/2011. My relationship with them wasn’t directly stormy in the beginning. I would see them at least once a week and all, but whenever I heard them mention another friend of theirs or that they would be hanging out with someone that wasn’t me I would get very angry and passive aggressively take it out on them. At first it was just that but it did start to go downhill when we hit high school and we started seeing less of each other. I would still be passive aggressive about the people they hung out with and all but the cake was taken when they got a boyfriend. I didn’t like him for one reason or another, still not entirely sure why but I but I went as far as accusing him of possibly making my friend “do something they didn’t want to” and kept nagging them about it. They ultimately broke up and we slowly lost most communication. I was sent spiraling into hysteria about losing my “only friend”. My whole school day was compromised to the point I called them into the school counselors office to force them to talk to me. After this we talked it out and were friends again.

Around this time they introduced me to this guy who was and, to this day, still is one of my absolute best friends. The three of us were all really good friends and even had a group chat on skype together. After a few months of being friends I started having feelings for him but he had feelings for the friend that introduced us. I took this pretty hard and started accusing them of going behind my back outside of group chats and talking about me and just in general having more fun without me.This is the part where it all blew up and I decided I would rather isolate myself from this guy so I deleted him from skype and my phone contacts. Stayed friends with the first FP for a while before that eventually fizzled out. About a year later the dude my ex FP introduced me to popped into my head and I readded him on Skype. Come to find the two of them dated over the summer but broke up and he’d already gotten a new boyfriend. Everything was fine and we almost immediately got back into our old routine of watching stupid videos and shows as well as listening to music, sometimes inviting his boyfriend to join us. the three of us were friends for about 2 years before his ex developed feelings for another friend of theirs. My friend unfortunately had to hear it from a third party and not directly from his ex himself. This sent me into a rage and I verbally attacked his ex a few times, going so far as to harass him for a year before we made amends this fall and we’re even friends now!!

After they broke up with my friend and I had verbally ripped his ex a new one, about 3 months later my friend/FP and I confessed our crushes for each other and started dating in the spring of 2017. Summer 2017 came and he and I got to meet up for the first time in our almost 5 years of knowing each other. Our romantic relationship was not at all healthy in the slightest. I would need constant assurances of his feelings for me and if there was the slightest change in tone i’d immediately shift into a sour mood. Along with this I had the repeat actions of getting passive aggressively angry when he’d mention anyone else but me or make plans with someone else. Summer comes and goes and we’re still together even though i’m out of line, we even make plans for me to fly fully paid for by his mother to come see him over the Christmas break. this is where things got worse. I was constantly clingy and wouldn’t leave him to do his own thing, and would get jealous and passive aggressive whenever he’d hop on voice chat to play games. I would have major anxiety whenever I wasn’t near him and so on. Eventually while I was there we broke up. Him needing to focus on schooling and not being able to keep me happy and under control. Although we broke up I stayed the duration of my trip and we remained good friends.In fact, I’m trying my best with my holiday job to earn enough to buy him a ticket up to Seattle to see him again <3

My unhealthy relationships don’t stop there but are more brief than the one beforehand

After my FP and I broke up I started talking regularly to this guy I used to talk to on skype before the great migration to discord.

He and I talked from around January to June 2018. We’d go back and forth teasing each other and had an amazing friendship overall. Around the February is when I developed a crush on the guy which was... Not too great. Not only was he my crush but he was another FP. I would fixate on him when I thought I made him upset and would have major anxiety about it until proven otherwise, as is usually the case with most people for me.

Cut to March which just happens to be my birth month and I plan a desert date with a couple of my friends, him included. We all go to the mall near by and have a good time. This would be the first, and last time I got to meet him in person as he lived over an hour away by bus. We part ways with a hasty hug because I had to catch my bus back home. After this we plan on meeting up again but it turns out that he’s being kicked out by his mother that recently remarried and has to move to California. He ends up moving but we still stay connected on Discord and are still friends. April is when we start flirting with each other and we eventually send nudes back and forth to which I get a less than pleased response about my body.

At first I brushed it off bc you know I was enchanted by him. But then he proceeds to ghost me twice after this, once because of the nude and twice bc I told him I liked him.

During this he also blocked me on Discord for a few days as a joke because I insulted a titty anime he liked but came back and told me excitedly he was moving back to Washington but because he didn’t feel like he could tell me he didn’t want to have sex like we talked about he ghosts me. I eventually have an encounter where I was sexually assaulted and he said nothing about it and ignored my distress, eventually blocking me for good because I started going off on him like I did with my friends ex.

The next FP has a short history as he’s my current FP.

This guy is still kinda my friend but we don’t hang out in person anymore and he hardly responds to my texts or calls. But!!

I noticed this one when I realized I was doing the same thing I do with all my FPs which is get jealous of the people he talks about. One person in particular, too.

I reconnected with him during the summer 2018, about a month after the incident with the last guy mentioned, we quickly started hanging out again and even had a couple make out sessions. I didn’t notice right away that I was reacting the way I was until one day I noticed myself using manipulative language because he declined my invitation to go get food. This happened a couple of times, most significant of which was when he texted me the morning after he went out and partied. I jokingly asked him “ without me?” “Yee”. I was able to restrain and reroute what I was saying to make it seem less manipulative. Going back to me being upset when he mentions someone else. He has a crush on this girl who’s a mutual friend of ours and one night he invited me over to hang but we ended up going to the mall she worked at so he could try and convince her to join us. She said no, and we left. But he proceeded to talk about her for a good half hour after. He also knew I had a crush on him at the time so that double set me off. Halloween rolls up. He and another best friend of mine come over for drinks and to just chill in general. He asks me who all is coming and asks abt her. I don’t invite her because she’s leaving for a trip the next morning. Previous to this I met up with her and her now boyfriend and she tells me they got back together. She hadn’t told my FP and was never going to in the first place. He mentioned her again and I consider telling him then and there but decided not to at the moment. After Halloween is when he starts ghosting me and I get angry bc he’s not giving me attention so that’s when I tell him. Not out of the kindness of my heart but out of spite for being ignored. He and I don’t talk as much but I assume we’re on ok terms!

These are my most relevant people attachment stories. But I’m far from over with this post which is already a LOT.

Another fun part of BPD that I experience is the lack of identity.

I can easily attach myself to fictional characters and identify with them so strongly that I feel like I become them. This has happened most significantly with Dean Winchester from Supernatural and Charlie Kelly from Its Always Sunny In Philadelphia.

With Dean it was probably the strongest. I started listening to the music he did and wearing leather and becoming aloof like he was. Just overall taking small traits and becoming like him.

Charlie was more of a comfort character who I also took small traits from and started dressing like him.

As well as taking on their traits I considered career paths similar to theirs. Bartender and janitor for Charlie and a cop for Dean.

It doesn’t stop at fictional characters either. I notice I take on bits of the people I’m with and mold myself into who they are. I laugh like them and want to do the same things that they do even if I’m bad at it. Another HUGE symptom of BPD and one of the most common criteria for it is uncontrollable bouts of anger First and most recent example I have being when my last ex broke up with me. I spent two days in a rage threatening to do harm to him and, as he is an addict, told one of his friends that he could “Die in a ditch with a needle in his arm”. Every time I thought of him my body would go cold and I would shake with rage. Second example I can think of that I’ve had to do on many occasions is my plans and needs being shoved behind by my mother and me getting so enraged I had to go chop a dead tree in our back yard. Third and final example I have of some of my rages comes back to the person who ghosted me because I was fat.After he did that and found out he was lying to me about everything I sat for a good half hour staring at the group call he was in on a mutual discord server and planned on going in and yelling at him while everyone was there. I ended up not doing it but that was another example of me shaking with rage and my body going cold. Mood swings are prevalent in people with BPD The most notable examples i have are, with the most severe being the time I took a book and smashed it on my desk, cried and then started laughing at the Mishapocolypse all in the span of about 15 to 20 minutes and several times when I felt extremely inadequate to everyone or when I misinterpreted the tone of my FP and sent myself spiraling into a depression. Some people with BPD may also have hallucinations I’ve had one that’s the most notable, being the time I hallucinated the smell of doritos when there were none near me at the time because I was outside away from home, Another when I was sitting in my therapists office. she noticed me looking away from her towards the floor at what I saw as a blue dot that looked like a very small light from a charging cord on a laptop battery pack. And last, but most recent is when I was outside on a walk and seeing several blue dots blinking in the bushes where no other lights would be. Another marked trait of BPD is Impulsivity I’ve dealt with impulsivity in a couple different area. Notably though are the several unsafe sexual encounters I've had with multiple partners, turning to drugs or alcohol to cope with stress or sadness and my spending money when I have very little. People with BPD can suffer from intrusive thoughts These are NOT fun or cute like tumblr likes to make them out to be. Here’s a list of mine that go from not so bad to holy shit go get help.

Fp not talking to you this exact moment?: Pull your hair out

Chugg the whole bottle of asprin

Punch that dog

Bite the cat

Feeling angry and wanna take it out on something?: Grab one of the hamsters and SQUISH!!!

I wanna peel the skin off a frog

Step on your grandpa’s ventilator tube

Take that baby by the legs and swing it’s head into the wall

These are just some of the symptoms I suffer from and my personal experiences with BPD and as I say in the tags, people experience these symptoms differently. If you can relate to these symptoms and are not diagnosed, I suggest taking it to a professional who can help you further research and help you recover.

#this is the fucking logest post i've made #god if you read all of this pls like it or something #this is MY PERSONAL STORY #people can experience it in many different ways this is just how i experience it so-#personal #bpd #borderline personality disorder #actually bpd

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x-lipstickstain-x · 6 years

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hey so, i really enjoyed the imagine you wrote and i would like to request one as well, if you want to write it; ive been listening to the song lost in japan by shawn mendes and thought about andi (bc what else do i think about lately, nothing) maybe you can come up with something for that. i know this is really vague, sorry. (also i kinda hate the y/n thing, can you just pick a name, its less awkward to read) okay, thank you so much if you wanna give it a try 💜

It`s only been like 10 years since I got this request lmao. This has actually been done for quite a few days now, I`m just getting really bad at posting. So yeah this is kinda based on the song Lost in Japan by Shawn Mendes. Anyway, enjoy!

Andreas Wellinger Imagine ~ Lost in Japan

I couldn’t wait to see her in Sapporo. My best friend hadbeen working in Japan on her placement year for over six months now and Ihadn’t had an opportunity to see her since then. Ella and I have been friendssince we were kids. We grew up as neighbours and throughout all these years wemanaged to grow such a strong, unbreakable bond. So many times our friendshiphad been put to a test, but no problem matters when you realise how much you care forsomeone.

Ella was coming to the competitions in Sapporo, we had itplanned for a few months now, so both of us were extremely excited. Thecompetitions in Russia had just finished for us and until the whole team wouldhead to Japan, it was still quite a few days.

One night, I decided to finally free up the storage on myphone as the constant notifications about it being full, were driving meabsolutely insane. I went straight to my gallery and I deleted a fewscreenshots which I was sure would not longer be needed, but somehow I gotblown into a folder where I kept pictures of all Ella’s and my adventures fromquite a few years back. The smile on my face was present the whole time to thepoint where my cheeks began to hurt and my eyes started tearing up.

My soulmate was thousands of miles away and I couldn’texplain in words how much I missed the sound of her voice live, or how much Iached for her cuddles whenever I felt down. She always knew what I needed andshe tried to give her all to me even from the other side of the world, but asselfish as it sounds, it just wasn’t enough for me. So that’s when I got acrazy idea. I wanted to see her and I wasn’t willing to wait for it any longer.

I clapped my hands, smiling at my laptop screen which confirmedmy flight for tomorrow morning. I would be landing in Tokyo in the evening and Iplanned on making my way straight to the apartment she was staying in. I wasthankful that I sent her some things through the post before, so I knew herexact address. Now, I was only hoping she would be happy to see me earlier thanplanned.

I headed to my coach’s room to inform him about my earlydeparture, when I explained why, Schuster was surprisingly understanding and hetrusted me enough to continue training on my own and then join in with the teamonce they arrive.

After saying a quick goodbye to my teammates, I returned tomy room. There was nothing left for me to do besides packing and booking myselfa hotel in Tokyo, just in case Ella didn’t want me staying with her, which Ihighly doubted, but I’d rather be safe.

That night I fell asleep with a huge smile on my face.Although, it was very difficult for me to fall asleep because of how excited Iwas. I felt like a little kid. I just couldn’t get her off of my mind, nomatter how hard I tried.

The next morning I checked my phone after waking up, justlike I usually do. Seeing the daily ‘good morning Milka’ text on my phonescreen, I smiled. It never failed to put a smile on my face. I typed out aresponse, before setting my phone down and hopping out of bed. I wasn’t amorning person, but today wasn’t just a normal day, so it wasn’t as much of aneffort.

Before I knew it, I was on the plane to Tokyo. Therealisation seemed to hit me all of a sudden and I exhaled a happy sigh. Just afew more hours and I would finally get to see her beautiful smile and hold oneof the most important girls in my life. My head wandered over to thinking abouthow the dark haired girl would react to seeing me. A huge part of me was sureshe would be just as happy as I am, but a small part of me didn’t want to bedisappointed if she wasn’t.

I tilted my head from side to side, trying to crack my achingneck. Let’s just say I didn’t fall asleep in the best position, but that nolonger mattered when my taxi pulled up outside of the building Ella lived in.

I thanked the taxi driver after paying him and I got out ofthe car. I looked up at the tall building, while dragging my suitcase behindme. A million sentences were running through my head that I wanted to say toher as soon as I see her. I glanced around as I stepped into the reception,this place looked much fancier than she explained.

I smiled at the woman behind the reception counter and I justcontinued walking to the lift. I fixed my hair in the mirror, noticing howhappy I already looked just from thinking about Ella. The door opened and Ileft the lift, searching for the right door number.

I stopped walking right in front of Ella’s door. I stared atit for a few seconds before I dared myself to knock. Nothing. My heart sank alittle, why didn’t I think about this. She didn’t have to be at home, I couldbe here waiting for hours. I am such an idiot. I quietly groaned to myselfbefore knocking again.

“Oh crap… One second!” I heard the beautiful voice call outfrom inside the apartment and my heart started beating much faster. Open thegoddamn door Elle, I thought to myself, growing really impatient.

I heard the key turn from the inside and the door was quicklypulled open by my best friend with a towel on her head. She only stuck out herhead, but her jaw fell and her eyes almost popped out when she saw me. All thewords I wanted to say suddenly left my head and I was no longer capable ofspeaking.

The girl rushed over to me, squeals leaving her mouth. Herarms wrapped around my neck so tightly, I was sure she almost pulled a musclein my back. I wasn’t complaining. My arms swiftly wrapped around her waist andI picked her up, holding her as close as possible.

“You can’t just turn up to my door like this Andi!” Ellachocked out, which immediately made me pull back to look at her face. Worryrushed over me as I noticed the tears running down her face. “You don’t knowhow much I missed you. I can’t believe you’re here..” She whispered, snifflingquietly with a huge smile on her face. She pulled me back into a hug and Iclosed my eyes.

I missed this content feeling. “I missed you so much angel,”I whispered, pressing a kiss to the side of her head as I carried her throughthe door. I let her down gently and I went back for my suitcase, closing thedoor behind me. Ella was still staring at me in awe, as if she was worried itwas just her imagination and I would disappear in a second.

“What are you doing here?” She asked, strolling up to me andhugging me once again. It only just came to my attention that she was onlywearing a bathrobe.

“Interrupting your shower, apparently.” I chuckled, glancingdown at her, she laughed and playfully pinched my side. Her laugh was music tomy ears. “I couldn’t wait any longer. I had to come here to see you,” Iadmitted after a moment.

“I’m sorry, give me five minutes and we’ll talk,” Ellasmiled, still wiping at her eyes. The girl disappeared into her room and Idecided to take a look around her apartment. I instantly spotted a frame withmultiple pictures inside it, hung up on the wall above the fireplace. A cheesysmile crawled onto my face as I saw most of the pictures were ours, right fromwhen we were little, to just last year. I saw this girl growing into such abeautiful and smart woman.

I flinched at the feeling of something touching my back andshoulder, but I quickly realised it was just Ella, trying to cuddle me frombehind. A small laugh escaped my lips and I let her cuddle into my body.

“I hope I didn’t ruin any plans you had?” I sighed quietly,biting down onto my lip.

The girl looked up at me with an amused expression on herface. “You know fully well that I would cancel any plans for you… That’s if Ihad any in the first place.” She surprised me with her words, positively ofcourse.

Ella pulled away from me and she started messing with herhair, I watched her with a smile, but a part of me felt like her sudden changein behaviour had a reason behind it. I was correct.

“Andi.. Can we go for a walk?” She asked in a soft tone, hereyes pleading me to agree.

I instantly nodded my head. I’d love to see more of Tokyo andI hoped I’d get to find out what was bugging my best friend. “Of course, butare you feeling okay?” I questioned worriedly.

I received a single nod and she smiled. “I think so. We willsee.” She laughed while grabbing her purse. She took my hand and I followed herto the door without any further questions.

The majority of the walk consisted of us talking abouteverything that had happened in the past few months that she had been away for,although, we already knew everything since we talked almost everyday over thephone.

It was already dark, but in my opinion that only made thecity look even more beautiful. We eventually came to a stop at bench when thedark haired girl mentioned that she wanted to sit down for a moment. We sat incomplete silence, which was never an issue as we where both comfortable withit, but Ella kept opening her mouth and closing it like she wanted to saysomething. She nervously rubbed the palms of her hands together and I shook myhead.

“Just say what’s on your mind El.. I may not have seen youfor a while, but I can still tell when you need to get something off of yourchest,” I sighed, looking into her eyes. I could see how difficult it was forher, she looked up at the sky before squeezing her eyes shut.

“So, I was going to tell you this in Sapporo, but you’re herenow and I can’t pretend that things are the same…” She mumbled and I began to grownervous myself. “I’m sorry Andreas, but I’m in love with you,” her voice wasshaky yet somewhat stern.

My mouth fell open and stared at her, completely stunned byher words. “You what?” I eventually muttered.

She was clearly frustrated as she ran her hand roughlythrough her hair before raising to her feet at a rather quick pace, whichalmost made me jump. “Look, I was thinking a lot and I realised that how much Imissed you wasn’t normal. I miss you more than anyone, I think about you morethan anyone, I can’t live without you-,” her words were sweet, but her tonemade it seem like she was yelling the worst abuse at me so I did the firstthing that came to my mind and I would be lying if I said I have never thoughtabout doing this before. I raised to my feet, gently cupped her face into mylarge hands and I kissed her as hard as I could.

#andreas wellinger #andreas wellinger imagine #ski jumping #my writing

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