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dustteller · 2 months

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What are some fantasy books you consider represent colonialism wrong/from a very white or colonial pov?

Sorry you dont have to tell which books etc you were vagueing im just genuinely interested !

Hmm, this is tough bc for the last three years most of the books I've consumed have been for college, and most of the stuff on Imperialism has been nonfiction for my PoliSci classes. When I wrote that post, I wasn't just thinking about books, but about media as a whole.

Now, I want to make it very clear that I don't necessarily consider any of the following works ✨️Problematic✨️ because they fail to capture certain elements of Imperialism/Colonialism (I'm using the terms interchangeably bc they're similar enough that in fiction they tend to get glomped together, but they're actually technically two different things but also It Does Not Matter). I don't consider a white person not completely grasping colonialism a moral failing. My issue is less moral and more of annoyance at how so often we hold up white people as the standards for writing about something *they didn't even write about well*.

And with that point made: Avatar. It's Avatar. Not the blue people movie (that one's awful, but I don't think I need to explain why), it's AtLA. Listen, I really do love AtLA. It's a great show that does an excellent job at demonstrating that just because something is targeted to children it doesnt have to be dumbed down and can still tell an incredible story. I also think that the showriters did a lot of research in order to write the Fire Nation and it's imperialist actions. It touches on a lot of elements of imperialism that a lot of other media fails to capture. It's a good show, it really is.

But it is still a children's show written by a bunch of white people. It annoys me to no end that people hold it up as The Pinnacle Of Anti-Imperialist-Colinialist-Racist Writing, the Golden Standard To Which All Things Must Be Held, when really its Baby's First Look Into Politics. It was WRITTEN to be Baby's First Look Into Politics. Half of its target audience is still literally munching on crayons.

I also don't like how it handles a lot of things. A lot of people have brought up Hama, but I also think that it doesn't do a great job with the Jet stuff. Again, its a children's show. Its HAS to show the right socially accepted moral lesson that Pacifism Best and Killing Bad. If you study real life imperialism tho, extremism is its natural consequence. Almost always, when there is a successful revolution, it IS led by extremist groups, because those are the people most willing to sacrifice themselves! I think AtLA does a good job at portraying Jet and Hama as sympathetic, but it also goes very hard on the Still Bad angle. The thing is, Aang's my way or the highway deal only really works because he's the Universes Specialest Boy Avatar. I don't think there's much of an aknowledgement that there really isn't much that people like Jet CAN do if its not turn to more extremist measures. I know a lot of white people are very pro-pacifism and love clean revolutions, but thats just. Not how it works.

If you're part of a colony, the sad reality is that you Will continue being a colony unless you can find a way to perform a mass upheaval of the existing system. And, sadly, the only viable way to do this for a lot of the colonized is violence. And violence born in anger is not known for being Clean and Pretty and Morally Just. I don't like the trend of holding colonized peoples solely accountable for their actions in response to the incredible colonial violences of an empire. I get to murder you indiscriminately, but you can't dare to murder in my general direction back, or you're just as bad as I am. Actions don't exist in a vacuum.

I think this is where AtLA's view on politics is weakest, because I feel it fails at providing a viable alternate measure to the actions of Hama and Jet. Aang, and by extension team avatar, has a privilege that they don't have access to. They're just mean to sit there and wait to be saved, I guess.

Also we spent three seasons seeing the after effect of a single shitty Emperor that the Avatar trusted deciding he was gonna be shitty and starting a hundred years of imperialism like some evil aureliano buendia, only to at the end immediately put Zuko on the throne? Maybe Zuko is a good emperor, but can you guarantee his kids will be? His grandkids? What happens if he gets murdered, Azula gets to take the throne and starts Being Evil again? The system remains unchanged, and it can still be abused in the exact same ways.

I bring up AtLA because I think it demonstrates these two aspects that I think make a lot of Imperialism According to White People (IAtWP) narratives fall flat to me. I use AtLa as an example precisely because its a good story, because I want to demonstrate that getting some stuff right and putting in effort and ending up with a good product doesn't mean that a work WON'T have these issues.

Generally, IAtWP narratives will have a very morally pure view on rebellions and demand higher levels of moral righteousness from the colonized than it does from the oppressed, or they will be overly dark and gritty and "realistic" and will refuse to interact with the morality of the setting, being an Everyone Bad, Actually narrative. Secondly, IAtWP stories tend to see Imperialism as a Good People/Bad People issue. Usually they will aknowledge the failures of an imperialist system, but they will still uphold the "superiority" of the imperialist system by treating it as the only way to govern, ergo revealing that they cannot conceive of alternate methods of rule.

On that second point, white american/european people who live in an imperial system never seem to grasp the idea that those poor suffering colonized masses are also capable of the concept of innovation. I think where a lot of white leftists fail when interacting with anti-imperialist rhetoric is that they limit themselves to the anti-imperialism. They can recognize that imperialism is bad, but they can't concieve of the colonized as anything BUT colonized. Even while free, they are Free From Imperialism. The truth is, we have entire fields of scholarship discussing the intricacies of how to navigate freedom. There's internal debates in politics and public and academia about how freedom will work for us. I'm going to talk now from a puertorrican/latin american perspective, since that's my field of specialization. Freedom is not an abstract concept to us. We have spent decades examining the fabric of our society to find alternatives to the current system. Here in Puerto Rico, the modern independence conversation dates back all the way to the 19th century. For most of that time, Puerto Rico and Cuba acted in conjunction when it came to academic matters. Until Castro, you did not discuss Puertorrican independence without Cuba also being talked about, because there was a very strong solidarity between the two nations. This is, of course, without mentioning the work that Haiti and the Dominical Republic also shared with us, as well as a wider Latin America. If you read W.E.B Du Bois' essays on imperialism, he does not focus only on Africa, but he also frequently talks about Latin America and Asia and MENA and even some European nations/ethinicities/racial groups when discussing unity. If we look at Political Science, the Dependence Theory, which is one of the frameworks through which imperialism and colonialism are understood today, was pioneered by Latin American and South/South East Asian academics in conjunction, academics of dozens and dozens of countries that worked and interacted and argued with each other to create a field of scholarship that directly countered the trends in white academia of the time. Even more colloquially, I do not know a single Puertorican that knows the basics of the history of the Philippines that does not solidarize with them and consider them our siblings in the same way that we think of the rest of Latin America. The Global South is not composed of a bunch of meek little victim nations, isolated within our own colonial bubbled, but of over a hundred countries that actively interact with each other's ideas.

I find white authors and creators often do not understand the level at which imperialism has effected the very way that we think about the world, or at the level to which we talk to each other about it. To them, we only exist within the context of interractions with our colonial powers. They often underestimate the level of solidarity in thought that has formed within nations BECAUSE of imperialism. And as a result, they always write overly simplistic resistance moments lead by vague ideologies and people that don't know what they're talking about. Theres a lot more to resistance than the resistance itself, there has to be a strong backbone of intellectual tradition to back it up.

I went off on a bit of a tangent there, but I still think it's important when discussing how white creators fail at portraying imperialism and colonialism. They fail by not being able to see it from the point of view of the colonized. I know I didn't fully answer the question, but I hope this makes sense and helps you understand the framework through which I judge a piece of media that interacts with the themes of Colonialsm and Imperialism. I just want to add here at the end, that this is just how I see it, and not an Objectively Correct Method Of Identification or anything. I know a lot of people that consider things differently, because we all have different frameworks which we use to view the issue. Its not a matter of being right or wrong, but a matter of how we all interact with the world differently. Now, please pray for me that I don't get murdered for this.

#atla #my thoughts #asks

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emerald-notes · 2 years

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Boy With Luv

Note: I found this prompt on Pinterest and it sounded promising. The first person that came to my mind was Yoongi. So I wrote a fan fiction about him. A little reminder that it is totally fictional. The character I made has nothing to do with the real Min Yoongi. Anyway, I hope you like it.

Fandom: BTS Pairing: Min Yoongi x Female reader Genre: Fluff and Angst Warning: Implication of self-harm, slight swearing, little drinking. Word Count: 3k Words

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“WHAT? It’s already 8:45?” I needed to hurry or I’d miss my 9 a.m. English class. I jumped out of my bed and changed my clothes as quickly as I could. I sprinted out of my house checking my watch to found that it was already 9.

A trip from the bus stand to my college took almost 15 more minutes. I started to run once I got down from the bus. I was breathing heavily when I opened the door to my class.

“We’ve already discussed about our new project, dear. Since, you’re late, your partner will explain it to you. Mr. Min Yoongi, as you’re the only one left without a partner, you two may pair up.” The professor announced.

I was too shocked to give any reaction while Yoongi just nodded. Every other seats were already taken. So I had to go sit on the back with this guy called Min Yoongi. The whole class went on in a blur. I glanced at my partner twice. He seemed to be really absorbed at whatever he was writing on his notes.

First, let me put some words about Min Yoongi. He was majoring in Music and we only had English course together. He looked very intimidating. I never saw him talk with anyone unless it was necessary. The only time he talked to me was when I was with my best friend discussing about our plans for a sleepover and he told me I was being too loud to be on the library. Since then, I tried to avoid him at all cost.

But now, he was my partner for the English project, whatever it was. I was already too nervous to approach him about the matter.

Once the class was over, he said to me, while packing his bag, “We have to write ‘Daily Words of Affirmation’ to each other for the next five days.”

“Huh?” was the only thing that came out of my mouth.

“The group project?” he raised his eyebrows.

“Oh right,” I said, “the group project. So, I have to write something positive to you from when exactly?”

“From today.” He headed to the door. “And also,” he turned back, “You can write a hand written note or send me via email, whatever way you’re comfortable with.” And he was gone.

“So, that’s it?” I thought to myself, “No other instructions? Can’t he just sit and talk like a normal person do when they do group projects?” I was getting really annoyed at this guy by then. What could I possibly write when I couldn’t even find anything good about him?

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My hair looked like a mess as I repeatedly ran my hand through them. “Oh, come on! Think like a mature person. Everybody has some good aspects about them.” I forced myself to think of something nice. The fact that by the end of the week we had to submit our interaction to our professor was more frustrating.

As I didn’t know him very well, I thought about writing something about his appearance instead. What was I going to write anyway? It wasn’t like I found him very attractive or something.

I closed my eyes and tried to imagine his face. For some reason he looked like a cat to me. I smiled to myself, “Fine! I’ll write that.” I hoped he’d take that as a compliment.

“You look like a cat.” I typed on my laptop. It sounded too rude. I tried to think of a creative way to put it. I typed again.

“Though lazy, cats are really skillful in hunting. Somehow, your face reminds me of a cat. Can’t wait to find out what you’re good at!”

I was really satisfied with whatever I wrote. Before I could send it, I got an email from Yoongi first.

“With or without glasses, your eyes are the most appealing bit on your face (that’s my personal opinion).”

I was taken aback. I couldn’t picture Min Yoongi writing me that. Also, his message sounded better as a Words-of-Affirmation than mine. I still couldn’t think of a decent thing to say. So without working myself up I sent my message.

Before going to bed I went to the bathroom to wash my face as a part of the night routine. I took off my glasses and stared into my eyes in the mirror. The last time someone told me that my eyes were beautiful was in grade 8. That was before I started wearing glasses.

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I was prepared to talk to Min Yoongi the next day. I needed to find out something to write this time. It was so frustrating last night that I finally built up my courage to get acquainted with this seemingly rude guy.

We didn’t have English class that day. So I texted him to meet me at the cafeteria whenever he could. After waiting for what seemed like an eternity he texted back, “Come to the library.”

“Oh God! That library again. Does this guy even think about other people’s conveniences?” But it seemed like I had no other choice. I was determined to ace that English course no matter what. So, burying my ego I went to the library.

He was sitting at the far corner, his usual place. I got closer and saw that he was reading ‘The Alchemist’ by Paulo Coelho. That caught my attention and I spoke up without hesitation, “I read that book last month.”

Yoongi glanced at me once and got back to reading again. I sat beside him. I tried to take the conversation further, “They say this book helps you to find your true destiny. But I guess I was too caught up with All-thing-is-one stuff to notice that.”

“Don’t worry.” He said turning a page, “Some people read with their eyes and not their minds.”

“Excuse me?” I felt offended, “did you just consider me as one of those people?’

He shrugged his shoulder while still keeping his eyes on the book. As a book lover his words felt like an insult to me. Why on earth did I end up being partnered up with a guy like him on a project like this?

I decided it was time to be frank, “Listen here, Mr. Min Yoongi. I wanted to talk to you only because I felt it was necessary to know you better. You know, for the project?”

“Yes, I know.” He shut his book close and stared at me. His eyes looked cold. It felt like he was daring me to say something more. Something I was desperately wanting to throw at him.

The next moment I saw something else in those eyes. But I couldn’t figure it out then. I turned to go away when I heard him say under his breath, “Because no one in their right mind would want to know me.”

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What could he mean by that? It ought to sound like a threat. But I felt like it was a cry for help. The more I got to know him, the more mysterious he was getting.

At least I was relieved. Because by then, I had already figured out what to write to him next.

“There’s hope for you because you read with your mind and not just the eyes.”

I wrote that thinking he was clever enough to see the sarcasm in it while our professor would have no clue, being unaware of the whole situation. I sent the message and went on about my day.

I got his email at midnight. I immediately opened it.

“You’re a natural optimistic, always seeing the beauty in the ugliest of places.”

I pondered over his words. If he really meant whatever he wrote, that would mean he had took enough time to put some serious thoughts about me.

“That’s for the project only, you silly!” I told myself.

As I went to bed, his face appeared in front of me. The way he looked at me when he said, “Yes, I know!” I felt like I knew the second expression on his face, “Was it, perhaps, sadness?”

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I texted him again the next morning, “Are you busy? If not, let’s meet again.” I had thought about his last message to me. It was rather a compliment. I was truly an optimist. My father once told me it was a strength to hold onto. So, I decided I would not let that go so easily just because some guy was trying to act tough.

I got a reply, “Actually yes, I’m kinda busy. Currently working on my new music.” After a second, another message popped up, “Sorry about it. Maybe we can meet at evening?”

It didn’t sound too bad this time. He was actually trying to be polite, whatever the reason might be. I didn’t write him back. Instead I went straight to the practice room.

It was a huge hall with different instruments here and there. I found him sitting at the very corner with a piano. So, he played piano? I always wanted to take piano lessons. For some reasons, I was never able to.

There was no one in the room. I moved closer to hear him play better. He was scribbling in his notes something I couldn’t see. I patiently waited without bothering him. Then, he started to play.

The music slowly started to build by the time. The sweet music turning into something, I dare say, emotional. I felt my heart getting heavy. My feet felt numb. I stayed motionless as I took in every stroke of the key within myself.

How could a person seemingly so cold, make music so touching?

Yoongi finished the whole piece and looked back at me, directly into my eyes, as if he knew I was standing there. A drop of tear fell from my eye. I suddenly realized my cheeks were wet.

“What did you name it?” I asked about the beautiful music he had created.

“First Love.”

We were sitting across the table in the café. I had a latte while he ordered an Americano. “Did you really make that?” I asked.

“Yeah.”

“It was so beautiful. I have never heard anyone playing a piano before. You sounded like a piano prodigy or something.”

“You’re saying that since you never heard anyone playing a piano before.”

A moment of silence, then I broke into a laugh. I was getting used to his kind of humor by then. Yoongi’s smile slowly built on his lip. His cheeks turned red as he said “thank you” in a low voice.

“What?” I said loudly, “I couldn’t hear you. Did you just come up with another savage reply of yours since the last one didn’t bother me?”

This time his smile widened to reach up to his eyes. That was a sight I never saw before. He looked so innocent with that gummy smile of his. I suddenly felt something inside my stomach twisting.

He felt like a boy I could love.

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Was it even possible? Could people really fall in love with someone so easily? Or maybe I was mistaking infatuation for love. Even if I wasn’t in love with him already, I was pretty sure I would be soon if I continued to get closer to him.

One thing was clear. Whatever the feeling might be, it was too strong to ignore. Never in my life had I felt something so deep.

“You are so full of love that you should cherish your ability of making such lively music.”

I didn’t hesitate to send him the message. This time, I waited eagerly for his reply. His words were reassuring. They made me feel alive. They made me realize, I had something in me. But again, that was exactly what the project was all about.

I waited and waited. At some point I fell asleep on my reading table. I woke up at about 10 p.m. I quickly checked my email. The message I was waiting for had already arrived.

“You’re a light in the darkest room, a bright star in the night sky. You’re someone’s hope in the time of complete despair.”

I knew I would keep thinking about it all night.

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10:43 p.m. I texted him, “Can’t sleep.”

“Me too.” A quick reply.

“Wanna meet?”

“Sure.”

11:04 p.m. We were sitting on the park bench. The night was surprisingly cold. I was grateful for the beer Yoongi brought with him. But I was getting high by the time.

“I don’t know what to talk about.”

“Don’t worry. I like silent company more.”

11:18 p.m. I could feel the alcohol was making me a little drowsy. But I didn’t want to go back just then. “What are you good at? Other than music?” I said trying to avoid the sleepiness.

“I used to play basketball in high school.”

11:35 p.m. I decided it was time to talk about some real shit, “I want to get a tattoo so bad.”

“Get it then.”

“My mother will kill me.”

Yoongi shrugged his shoulder. Then he unbuttoned his sleeve to show me his bare wrist. I spotted a faint white line there, “What is that?” As soon as I asked that, I knew I messed up.

“Shit.” I swore, “Sorry.”

“If you ever decide to get the tattoo, take me with you. I’ll get one here.” He raised his wrist again.

“Fine! Let’s get going then.”

11:49 p.m. Yoongi drove us to the tattoo parlor I always passed by and fantasized about getting in.

“I can’t believe we’re doing this.” I almost screamed in excitement. Yoongi smiled at me and my inside melted.

They were not allowing us to go inside since it was almost closing time. I practically begged them to let us in. After a minute or two, Yoongi stepped forward and said something to the guy I couldn’t hear properly.

Finally they let us in.

12:14 a.m. We were driving back from the parlor. “Don’t you want to see my tattoo?” I asked.

“You probably got it somewhere no one could see.”

I smirked, “I’ll show YOU though.” I lifted my shirt to show my waist where I got a little bow.

“What did you get?” I asked Yoongi, “Can I see it?”

He showed me his wrist. There was a small line drawn along which were the piano keys. It was so simple yet I knew how important it was to him.

He said, “Piano is my savior.”

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I woke up late with a headache. I quickly lifted my shirt to check my tattoo. It was there, fresh as new. I smiled to myself, “So it wasn’t a dream after all.”

I took a pain reliever and made myself some mango juice. I checked my email and found Yoongi’s message. Just the thought of reading it made my whole body squirmy.

“You’re a rebel at heart.”

It was such a compliment to me. All my life, I’d only had dreams. But I felt like a coward every time I stepped away from fulfilling them. I decided, as soon as my semester would be over, I’d start getting piano lessons as well.

“Maybe Yoongi can teach me.” I thought and smiled.

It was my turn to return the compliment.

“The courage you have to show the vulnerable side of yours, makes you stronger.”

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I texted Yoongi that I had three classes, so I would meet him at evening. I already missed more than half of the first class since I woke up late. During the other classes I kept checking my phone often to see if he had replied. There was none.

Once my last class was done, I called him. It sent me straight to voicemail, “Hey Yoongi, it’s me. Just called to know when you’re free so that we could hangout… Yeah! So, call me back when you can, okay?”

I was waiting anxiously all evening. But there was not a single text or call from Yoongi. I kept wondering what could be the reason.

“He’s probably busy, that’s all.” I tried to reassure myself. But there was a part of me which felt like something was not right.

Maybe my last message mentioning about his vulnerable side was too much. Maybe he never meant for me to see that, but he was drunk enough to let that slip.

It was already midnight. Yoongi hadn’t contact me for a whole damn day. I was really stressed at that point. I felt like I had messed up. I wanted to cry.

“Why do you have to be so clingy, you pathetic bitch?” I shouted out at myself. That didn’t help. Since there was nothing I could do, I finally fell asleep wishing that as soon as I woke up, everything would be okay.

I checked my phone the next day. There was still no reply. So, I felt like it was time I wrote my final Words-of-Affirmation to him.

“You are someone’s favorite person in the entire world.”

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Yoongi texted me that evening, “Meet me at the park.”

I saw Yoongi waiting for me beside the park bench we were sitting on two nights ago. I went to him and he looked up, his expression unreadable.

“Why didn’t you call me yesterday?” was the first thing that came out of me.

“It doesn’t matter.” He said, “Our project ends today.”

“Project?” I was too confused. What did he mean by that? Were we just hanging out because of that stupid project? I felt too numb to react to that.

Yoongi took some time before he said slowly, “It doesn’t feel right.”

“What?” I asked.

“We shouldn’t be hanging out.”

“And why is that?” I was getting a little angry at him.

“Everything’s happening too fast. I don’t think I’m ready to handle them.” He sounded as if he were scared.

“Yoongi, it’s okay! We all feel overwhelmed at times. It’ll pass. Just take it easy and see what comes next.”

“No!” he said, “Please, don’t try to get too close. We’ll both end up being hurt.”

“I’m sure that won’t happen.” I stepped forward. But Yoongi took a step back.

“But you don’t know me.”

“I want to know you.” I said, “At least give me a chance.”

Yoongi gave out a mocking laugh, “How can you do that when I don’t even know myself?”

That was it. I couldn’t bring myself to say anything else. I stood there in silence. Tears threatening me every moment to burst out.

“There is a lot I still need to figure out.” Yoongi said finally, “I need to find myself first in order to let people get close to me. I don’t want to lose any loved ones anymore.”

He came closer and took my hands. He gave me a folded paper and said, “It’s my last message to you. Forgive me for everything, will you?”

Then he walked away. Tears kept falling from my eyes as I didn’t stop them anymore. Crying was the only way I knew to deal with grief.

I opened the paper when I got home.

“You have so much potential in you that once you realize your destiny, no one can stop you from achieving it.”

Whatever the destiny was, I didn’t know it. All I knew was that what Yoongi needed was time. And I could surely gave him that. But I was not going to give up on him.

My Masterlist

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marblesphere · 2 years

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Gojo Satoru x Reader (High School AU)

Something I wrote few months back. Happy reading!!

!!Warning!! Angst, a little of suicidal thought, suggestive theme

As an introvert and loner, I don't have many close friends. My own circle of dear friends are not here but in another city. Yep, I have moved away from my hometown for a various of reasons. Of course we are still in contact with each other. Every vacation will be spent with them.

I didn't mind being a loner in class. Not quite a loner, maybe more like I just keep them at arm length. I talk when needed, maybe about our school projects. In short, I didn't talk more than needed. Maybe that's why I have classmates but didn't have friends. Because being into anime/manga/games is considered childish by them. Well, middle school is the age where you wanted to act like an adult but actually was funny to adults themselves. That’s why I don’t bother trying to integrate myself into their circles.

I thought I will spend three years of middle school alone, I have spent the half of the first year alone just fine. 2 more years are no different. But one day, I meet a classmate with the same hobby. She is quite invested in manga. From then on we started to talk about our hobby and she also introduced me into her circles of friend with the same hobby. So, on my second year of middle school, I made friends.

Sadly, people change, or maybe they grow up. Unlike me who is still invested in my hobbies, they are now more or less over it. The usual gathering that filled with who is the most handsome protagonist become the newest brand of make-up I want to buy. Well, I don’t mind it, in fact I can keep up with them, due someone from my circle of friends also invested in fashion hobbies. Usually, she will call me and talk about which one she should buy. Even though the topic has changed, I really don’t mind at all. I am glad I can help them a little in their hobby.

But in my second year. Just few months after first term, something changed. I am getting more stares from schoolmates. Even though I don’t really know exactly why made them so. When I entered my class, my classmates are observing my every movement. When I look at them, they started talking to each other, pretending not paying attention to me. but I can still see them glancing at me every now and then. I was curious, but before I could ask them what’s wrong. The usual class bullies gather around me.

“What?”

“Hisaki-san. I heard you like anime.” They grinned evilly.

“What’s wrong with that?”

“And I heard you even have a crush on a fictional boy.” He laughed. “I mean, who in their right mind will fall in love with a cartoon? Hahahaha, so stupid.” The rest of the class agreed too, they let out small giggles and jeers.

“At least they didn’t have a shitty personality like you.” I said.

“Hahahaha!” They laughed harder. “Shitty personality like me? He is not even real. Come on! You can call your fictional boyfriend to beat me up!” He taunted. His statement incited another round of laughter from the class. From that day on, the bullies will start teasing me, but since I report it to principal, they got suspended and stopped. Not many people know my hobby is, since I always keep to myself, except my friends I made here. Of course, I don’t want to suspect them. I didn’t think they are this kind of people.

Until the truth hit me in the face. “I never thought they will get suspended.” Tachibana Yuriko said.

“Well, it’s their own fault. They took it too far.” Tanaka Aiko rolled her eyes, sipping her drink.

“Hahaha! We did tell them that that loner likes anime and even has a crush on the character.” Takeda Sayuri giggled. “I mean, anime’s boys are cool and all, but they are still unreal. To have a crush on that is creepy. Does she think she will get married with them?” She said disdainfully.

“Yes. Even I didn’t do that.” Kurokawa Mayuko agreed.

“Of course, you like Tadashi-kun after all. But who would have thought he didn’t have eyes. How could he likes that loner. Of course hearing that, we couldn’t sit still.” Tanaka Aiko grumbled.

“Yes. I told him that loner is just an anime otaku. And I tell those clowns to tease her.” Tachibana Yuriko nodded.

“She even writes stories about those anime people. I am sure she is not normal. Unbelievable.” Takeda Sayuri shook her head.

“Whatever it is. Did you see how his face was like when we told her that loner is an otaku? It’s like he swallowed a fly. So funny.” They laughed at that.

“Besides, I invite her to our group to make sure she didn’t tell other people about us liking manga and anime back then. But now, since we are over it, why so we still need to keep her around?” Tanaka Aiko snorted.

“So mean.” They said in unison and broke into laughter again.

"Is this… the bad moment when you realize your friends are actually bullies?" I looked at my so-called friends. The four of them are having fun talking and joking at each other. Sitting only 3 tables away from me.

Earlier they told me they have canceled their plan. Claiming one of them is unable to attend. Now I see that was not the case. They just don't want me to tag along. I was never considered a friend to them. “I see. I fully understood now.”

The opportunity to start afresh was not far. My family decided to move back to Tokyo after in summer holiday. Of course I am moving back too.

I choose the same school as my friends. The school is one of most prestigious private school in Tokyo. Fortunately, I excel at academics, so entering this school is not as hard as they made it to be. And they have escalator system, so we don’t need to study for the nightmare we call entrance exam. I meet up with my close friends in this school again. Even more so, all of them are in my class. Fushiguro Megumi, Kugisaki Nobara, and Itadori Yuuji, Fushiguro Tsumiki is one year older than us. We have kept in contact so they knew what happened to me in the middle school.

In this school, I don’t think I will ever make new friends again. considering the scar they left prior transferring here. I am really grateful to my friends, they are not repulsed by my strange hobby. Well, according to them, me liking anime/manga/games is just the same as Yuuji liking Jennifer Lopez. And me liking an anime character is just the same as Yuuji liking Jennifer Lopez. At least they agreed the characters in the anime didn’t have a shitty personality like them.

Anyway, through them, I meet senpais a year above us. Maki, Toge and Panda. Yuuji seems to have a connection with our middle school student council president, Nanamin. After mingling with Nanamin, I met two years above senpais. At that time, they were 1st year of high school. Satoru, Suguru and Shoko.

They welcomed me like I am already their old friend. Apparently, they heard me from Nobara and the others. They have been dying to meet me, but Megumi and Nobara refused for fear Satoru was going to corrupt me. All in all, they are glad my current friends have someone sane in their circle.

At first, Satoru and I are too contrasting with each other, all of them(including Satoru) thought it was so funny. Satoru is an extrovert while I am an introvert. He liked to tease me and joke around. Most of the time I didn't get the joke and ended up answering seriously. Somehow, we ended up together 2 years ago. Maybe it began from that day. At that time, Satoru was busy telling them the latest Digimon’s episode which was ignored, but he kept making mistake. So, I unconsciously kept correcting him. In the end, I was the one who tell them the whole story.

“…That’s how it goes.” I nodded, satisfied. The silence on the rooftop finally sinks into my mind. “…sorry…” I shrank smaller, awaiting for their jeers and sneers. Tears have started pooling in the corner of my eyes. ‘Stupid [Name]! you should keep your hobby to yourself!!’

“Does Digimon is always this kind of deep story?” Suguru blinked.

“What?! Of course it is. I keep telling you to watch it.” Satoru complained to his best friend.

“Eh? The way you told us the story is shitty. You jumped around and missing some important details. You should learn from [Name]-chan. The way she told us the stories is really nice and engaging. Now, I am kind of want to watch Digimon.” Suguru grinned and winked at me.

“Indeed. I also have never thought I will be itching to watch Digimon now.” Even Nanamin agreed.

“[Name]’s story telling ability is always mysterious. Even though the anime itself is not that great, but when [Name] is the one telling it. That sounds like it’s worth watching.” Megumi suddenly spoke up.

“I…I am not…that great…” I mumbled, bowing my head so they won’t see the blush.

“Then it’s question time!!” Satoru yelled out loud, causing the others to sigh. He the proceed to play 100 questions about Digimon. We got a lot closer after that day. Satoru, more often than not showed up unannounced at my house and proceeded to drag me to movie watching or arcade, sometimes shopping.

And when I finally confessed to him, I was met with Satoru’s confused look. “Aren’t we already dating each other?” He blinked as he titled his head.

“Eh? Since when?” I blurted out.

“I asked you out a year ago.” He replied.

“Eh?”

“[Name]-chan, let’s go out.” Satoru looked at me unusually serious.

“Oh, okay. When will we meet?” I smiled at him.

“I thought you asked for hangout.” I blushed in my own embarrassment. “No wonder… no wonder you looked so serious that time.” I murmured. And all of his unusually sweet gestures made sense. “Sorry… I…” ‘I was the worst. It took me a year to realize this. No, I won’t even realized this if he didn’t say it. Ah, he might hate me now.’

“Sorry, I… I will go home today…” I bowed, ashamed to even look at him now.

“No.” My hand was grabbed and I was pulled back.

“Satoru…?” I blinked when I felt his hands wrapped around me and his head atop mine.

“I…kinda know that you didn’t catch it. But I didn’t clarify it.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want to hear you say the feeling is not mutual.” He mumbled. “That’s why I let it be, while I was trying hard to make you fall in love with me.”

“…You did…”

“Mhmhm…” He nodded. “I like you, [Name]-chan.”

“The feeling is mutual.” I smiled.

“Good! Now, let’s continue with the date!” He cheered.

“Ah! Let me reapply my make up first.”

“[Name]-chan is plenty cute already.” He whined. “I will be in trouble if you look cuter than you already were. It was hard to keep those wolves away. I was glad that the rumor about me being your boyfriend was enough to keep them at bay.” He pouted.

“But… I want to look cute for you.” I mumbled.

“…You are not fair, [Name]-chan. When you said it like that and with that face no less, there’s no way I can refuse.” He turned around, refusing to look at me, but his red ears gave him away. ~”~

I thought I won't meet my former classmates anymore but lo and behold. They somehow transferred to our school. Yep, the four of them. Our school is quite prestigious. Usually, you need good grades or are scouted by the school.

"Today, we have new classmates. Introduce yourselves." Sensei said.

Kurokawa Mayuko, Tachibana Yuriko, Tanaka Aiko, Takeda Sayuri. Those are their names. They seemed surprised when they saw me. I just smile and nod politely to them.

"Do you know them?" Nobara nudged my elbow.

"Were middle school classmates." I answered.

"Heee…."

At lunch they were crowded by students. This is what happened to each transfer student. "[Name], Nobara, Yuuji, Megumi~" Maki called our names.

"Yes. We are coming, Maki-san." Nobara answered quickly. We eat lunch at our usual spot in the rooftop, of course with Nanamin too.

"Your class has 4 transfer students?" Maki cocked her eyebrow.

"Yes. They were my classmates in middle school." I answered.

"You don't seem to be happy to be reunited with them." Nanamin pointed out.

"Well, we didn't exactly part in a good term." I smiled wryly and thus I told them how I found out I was unwanted friend.

"I see. In short, you are dumped." Maki summed it up.

"It can be said like that." I laughed.

"Oi, Maki. You can't just say it like that. You are just as bad as Satoru." Panda chided.

"Wha! Don't lump me together with him!" Maki raged.

"Maki is not wrong though. Maybe they pitied me because I was a loner, and just tried to talk to me. Who would have thought I was attached to them. Back then, I was hurt. But now, well let bygone be bygones. We are just middle school classmates, nothing more and nothing less." I said.

"I don't think you will ever be lonely again." Nobara rolled her eyes.

"Not when you have annoying stick man as your boyfriend." Maki nodded in agreement.

"That nickname is always funny." Toge commented. Annoying stick man is my first impression of Satoru. They asked me what was my first impression of him and I blurted this out. They were stunned and then broke into a fit of laughter. Usually, most of people will say he is good looking and his personality could be better. No one will explicitly told hims straightforwardly he is annoying, not to mention stick man.

"We found them!" The rooftop door burst opened. The 4 classmates strolled in. "[Name]-chan, can we eat together?"

"...I have to go back to the student council. I still have some work left to do. You can enjoy yourselves." Nanamin said.

"Ah! I have to help Nanamin too." Yuuji followed. "Fushiguro, you come help me too."

"Well, I don't have anything to do." Megumi shrugged.

"Nobara, you help me with my work." Maki called for the younger girl.

"Of course, Maki-san."

"Toge, Yotsuba-sensei told me he needs help distributing material." Panda started.

"Okay." He nodded. In the end, they all left one after another.

"I have also finished eating. Enjoy yourselves." I smiled and excused myself. ~"~

I thought I have made this clear, but I miscalculated their persistence. Until one day, they caught me alone. "[Name]-chan, do you hate us?" The 4 of them cornered me in an empty classroom.

"Hate? Why would I hate you?" I blinked.

"You always decline our invitations." Aiko pouted.

"I just think it's better for you all to enjoy yourselves without me hindering you."

"You are our best friend." Mayuko frowned.

"Were we?" I smiled. "Whether we were or not, I think you all know it in your heart. To me, you are just my middle school classmates now."

Shock painted their faces. They must have not thought I would say this to their faces. And as I thought, the next day some rumor spread about me. They say I was a heartless friend who abandoned old for new.

"They work quickly." Maki cocked her brows.

"They really held a grudge against you." Nobara clicked her tongue.

"What should we do? Shouldn't we clarify?" Yuuji frowned.

"There's no need. The more we try to clarify the nastier it will become." Megumi said.

"Yes. Let's just ignore them. For me, as long as you all believe me. I am fine." I smiled.

"Have you told Satoru?" Panda asked.

"No. I think there's no need." I shook my head.

"Well, as long as they don't try something extreme. I guess it's fine." Toge spoke. ~"~

"...And so, his eyes are so blue, he is so handsome. I think I have never met someone as handsome as him." Mayuko giggled.

"You should have asked his number." Sayuri told her friend.

"Are you stupid? I don't even know him!" She argued.

"Hehehe. Is this so-called fall in love at a first sight?" Aiko teased.

"Our Mayuko has finally grown up. I think it's about time you moved on from your ex." Yuriko said.

I place my bag on my desk and pull out stationery and a notebook. "Ah, [Na]-Hisaki-san." Mayuko called.

"Yes? Is there anything I can help with?" I blinked.

"We are going eat together after school. Do you want to come?" Mayuko asked.

"Today? I am very sorry. I already have an appointment with another."

"Oh… Is that so?"

"Do you really have an appointment or just don't want to come with us? You can just say that clearly." Sayuri sneered.

"I really have an appointment though. It's up to you whether you want to believe or not." I tilted my head.

"[Name], about today's plan, you better tell Suguru and Shoko-san to bring their cars. Or else… what's wrong?" Nobara frowned.

"Nothing. Just a small misunderstanding. Nothing to worry about. Anyway, are 2 cars enough? Do we need Satoru's car?"

"We have 11 people. We refuse to see you two PDA-ing with each other in his car." Nobara gagged.

"Eeeehhhh? We don't do pda though." I sweatdropped.

"You think we are blind. That sunglasses bastard obviously is showing off his PDA every chance he got. Seriously, I really wonder how you actually put up with him."

"He is not that bad, I guess." I smiled wryly.

"Only you think like that. His personality is so shitty. We all know it." Nobara rolled her eyes.

"Maybe because [Name] is patient with him. I mean, no one is patient enough to deal with him." Yuuji interjected.

"Maybe [Name] was born to counter him." Megumi added.

"...why are we talking about this again?" I sweatdropped. The restaurant we are going to is opened by Yaga-sensei's acquaintance. Today is the soft opening. We are fortunate to be able to attend. By the time we arrived there, there are no other guests.

We eat as we talk about all sorts of things. Shoko and Suguru talk about interesting things that happened in their university. As for Satoru… it seems he is making feeding me is his first and foremost mission. "Satoru, you should eat too…" I sighed.

"Later… I need to feed [Name]-chan first." He grinned.

"I can eat by myself."

"I like to feed you."

"See, what did I tell you? This guy is showing off his PDA again." Nobara accused.

"He has been whining about not being able to see [Name]-chan every break." Suguru rolled his eyes.

"Overdramatic." Maki snorted.

"But [Name]-chan is just too cute. You see how adorable she is when chewing. And then when she is focusing-" I shoved whatever thing in my chopsticks to shut him up.

"Chew." I commanded. Satoru obediently chews the food in his mouth.

"Maybe Megumi was right about [Name] was born to counter him." Nobara sweatdropped.

"He practically only obeys [Name]'s order." Panda sighed. They then break into a fit of giggles.

The front door opened, signaling other guests for soft opening. Surprise surprise it was them, my middle school classmates. They are also surprised when they saw us. "Oh, you guys are eating here." Aiko smiled.

"Yes. The owner is our teacher's friend." I answered.

"I see. This owner here is Mayuko father's friend." Yuriko said. "Since we are here, should we eat together? The more the merrier."

"One Satoru is enough to liven up." Maki said. "Besides, we are already halfway done. It will be a hassle if you need to eat quickly." Maki opened her mouth. "Not to mention, we don't know you well."

"...I guess so…" Aiko gave us strained smile. Then they sit 1 table away of us.

"Then…" Suguru resumed his story to dissipate the awkward atmosphere. And Satoru resumes his feeding activity. Throughout the whole meal, I see that Mayuko kept glancing at our table from time to time. After our lively dinner, we made a detour to the usual dessert shop.

"Spill. Why did that girl keep looking for you?" Maki frowned.

"Don't tell me, she is your long-lost childhood sweetheart." Nobara glared accusingly.

"Does this mean you are cheating on [Name]?" Panda asked.

"Are you?" My lip curled downward.

"What? No! I will never cheat on [Name]-chan." Satoru defended himself. "I don't even know her, let alone talk to her."

"So, why did she look at you like you betrayed her or something?" Megumi narrowed his eyes.

"How should I know?! I didn't know her. [Name]-chan, trust me." He pleaded.

"Don't worry. I was only teasing you. I trust you." I smiled. Satoru smiles in relief.

"We did meet her few days ago." Suguru said.

"Where?" Toge inquired.

"When we were buying snacks at a convenience store. She bumped into Satoru."

"That's all?"

"That's all." Suguru nodded.

"Then this is…"

"The case of her having fallen in love at first sight." Shoko completed the unspoken sentence.

"Tsk. How annoying." Nobara clicked her tongue.

"I have no interest in women aside from [Name]-chan." Satoru spoke up.

"Really? You have to promise me." I shoved my pinky to him.

"Yep." He hooked his pinkie to mine and chanted the promise. ~"~

"...Satoru…"

"What's wrong, [Name]-chan? You don't want to go home yet?" He grinned.

"...yeah… I don't want to go home… I want to stay with Satoru longer…" I mumbled.

"...let's go to my place, yeah?"

"Okay…" I nodded. Thus, the car changes direction to his house. Entering his house, Satoru throws his key to the coffee table haphazardly and quickly goes to his room. 'How weird. This is the nth time I have come to his house. And of course this is not the first time I have come as his girlfriend. Yet I am so nervous'

"[Name]-chan. You come and take a pick!" Satoru called.

"Okay." In the end I just choose a long sleeves sweater as a change of cloth. I have finished my bath and now nervously waiting for him. Waiting for him to do what? I am not sure myself.

"[Name]-chan, are you alright?" I was so surprised when I heard his voice right beside me. Satoru has been out of the shower for a while without me noticing.

"I am… Satoru…" I bit my lips and resolved myself. I wrap my hands around his neck to pull him closer. Lips touching in desperate manner.

"[Name]-cha-!" I didn't give him time to protest as I shoved my tongue inside his mouth, asserting dominance. My hands slip inside his sweater, roaming his sculptured muscle.

"Satoru…" I breathed his name. My hands went to the hem of my sweater and pulled it off.

"[Name]-chan!!" Satoru stopped me. "What are you doing?" He frowned.

"I…I… want Satoru…"

"...no… you don't want this." He shook his head. I was stunned, frozen in place. "I will take a breather first." Satoru left.

'Ah… I made him angry…' tears flowing down from my eyes. "Stupid [Name]." I hiccuped. 'Because my own insecurities, I force myself on him. Now, Satoru is angry… I am stupid…'

I go back into his room, searching for my uniform. I found it inside the dirty laundry basket. Fortunately, it hasn't been washed, even if it's a bit wrinkled. It's okay, I am going home anyway. I quickly changed back to my uniform, go back to the living room and take my backpack and phone. I bit my lips and scribble a note to him hastily. Instead of going home like I intended to, I run and run and run away to I don't know where, until my lungs burnt from the lack of oxygen. I keep scolding myself in my mind.

Of course he doesn't want me. I am just…me. There's nothing special about me. My body shape is as average as it could be. My face is also average. Not pretty nor cute. Sometimes I even wonder how come someone so outstanding as him could like me. The only point I have is I am above average in academics. That's all. Someone with ugly appearance and heart like me doesn't qualify to be with him. '...it might be the best if I could just disappear…'

A bright light shines on me as I heard a frantic horn, a scream and tire screeching. ~"~

Gojo sighs as he thinks about [Name]'s weird behavior. She isn't someone this reckless. Well, they did have hot make out few times and sometimes he also got frisky. But he held back. He wants [Name] to be completely sure before he does the deed. Even though he doesn't look like it. He only wanted to do it with someone he will take as his wife and of course with his partner's consent too. That person in his mind is absolutely his current and first girlfriend, [Name].

When [Name]-chan suddenly took initiative, he was elated. But when he saw her looked like could cry any second, his heart chilled. Did someone force her to do this? Why didn't she tell him? Is he that unreliable? Doesn't she trust him? All of those negative thoughts reel in his mind and he becomes upset. That's why he pushed her away.

He was going to cool down a little and then ask her what's wrong. But when he came back, [Name] was nowhere to be found. Only a small note on the coffee table, with a sorry scribbled hastily. His sweater was folded neatly on the sofa. "Damn it." He clicked his tongue. [Name] must be feeling guilty again. That girl somehow always blames herself in every situation, even if most of them are not her fault. This time… well, it's not (completely) her fault. He should have asked when she said she didn't want to go home.

Gojo pulls out his phone to call her. But no one answered. Worry begins to settle down in his heart. He grabs his house key and practically runs out searching for her. He keeps calling but no one answered. [Name] won't ignore him no matter how mad she is. The most she would do is accept his call but make no noise. Now, this type of new behavior really makes him uneasy. This time his phone rings, to his joy the caller is [Name].

"[Name]-chan, where are-"

"Hello." The voice from the other side is not someone he familiar with. "Hello, is this Hisaki [Name]-sama's family?"

"I am her boyfriend."

"I see. Can you please contact her parents to come to xxx hospital. Hisaki [Name]-sama is now in the hospital due to car accident."

"...what…?" His blood ran cold. [Name] was in a car accident. His hand slumps on his side and the phone falls down.

"Moshi moshi? Are you still there?" The nurse kept calling him. But his mind already flies out of his body. Car accident. Injury. Blood. Cold. Dead.

"No…" He whispered. "No…" He shook his head. "That can't be…" As if he finally snapped out from his struptor, he finally calls a cab. ~"~

"Nurse-san… Is there any need to be hospitalized? It was only scratches on elbows and feet."

"You have to be hospitalized, young lady. You told me your hip was hit by the car. Your scan didn't show anything yet. That's why we have to make sure. You need to stay here today. If nothing happens, you will be discharged tomorrow. I can't contact your parents so, I have called your boyfriend just now." She said. I stiffened at the word boyfriend. 'Are we still together now?' I lowered my eyes.

"Nurse-san… my parents are out of the town at the moment, but I think it's better to just call my parents directly." I smiled, trying to convince her to give me my phone back.

"Hmm… Good enough. I also think it's better to call your parents." She pulled out my phone from her pocket and then the door suddenly burst open, revealing a messy Satoru. His usually fluffy hair now matted to forehead due to sweat. He is even panting like he has run a marathon.

"You are…"

"I am [Name]-chan's boyfriend. Where is she? Is she alright?" He asked quickly.

"Well…" Nurse-san stepped to the side a bit so he could see me. "She is not hurt that bad, but she was hit by the car on the hip. As a precaution we need her to stay for the night." She explained. But it seems like Satoru didn't hear what she said. His eyes are fixated on me.

"...I should leave you two alone first. No funny business, okay?" She warned and exited the room.

"Um…" The awkward atmosphere is too much for me to handle. I become nervous and start fidgeting.

"[Name]-chan…"

"...sorry…" I answered softly. "Sorry… for making you worried… and sorry… for forcing myself on you. Umm… I will be fine on my own here. So, you don't need to accom…Satoru…?" I blinked rapidly when I was suddenly enveloped in a tight hug.

"I am glad you are alright…." He whispered. His voice is raspy and shaky.

"...sorry…" I am ashamed of myself for making him worried like this.

"No need to apologize. It's not your fault." He murmured. "I am sorry for not asking you the moment you acted strange. Sorry, for pushing you away. I didn't mean to make you upset."

"I…" I swallowed the lump formed in my throat. "I am not…upset… It's just… my own insecurities acting up… it's not your fault… It's all me…" I uttered softly.

"All the more it's my fault. I failed being your boyfriend the moment I let your insecurities acting up, hm." I can feel his smile back.

"Tell me. Tell me all about it. I want to know everything about you."

"What… what did you like about me?" I blurted out.

"..." Satoru blinked at the unexpected question.

"I mean… with your qualifications, getting someone better than me is not a problem. I am just a normal average girl, a boring girl with nothing except her above average in academics…."

"I see. I know what the problem is." He chuckled.

"Please don't laugh. I am going to cry because of embarrassment." I already felt tears pricking at the corner of my eyes. This is also one of the traits I hate about myself. I am an absolute crybaby.

"Ah. Sorry sorry. I didn't laugh at you. I was laughing at my own stupidity that failed to notice this." He quickly amended himself. "Well, as for your question… that actually I am best at. Listing my cute [Name]-chan's good points. Even if I have eternity, it won't be enough."

"Liar."

"I am not. Let's see. You look so cute when you are studying. And then when chewing food too. Ah, when you pout. And then when you tug my sleeve shyly. I can't get enough."

The effect of those words is spontaneous. My cheeks are getting warmer and warmer. "And then the melting face you have after I kissed you deep and hard." He whispered as he bit the shell of my ear.

The sudden action caught me off guard. I visibly jump, which is a bad move. A pain shot up from my hip. Seems like I finally feel the pain from the car crash. I am sure it will form ugly dark purple bruise tonight. I take a sharp breath due to the pain.

"[Name]-chan? Are you in pain? Where are you hurt? Let me see." Satoru fussed. "Is it your hip? Let me take a look."

I stiffen again. I remember how his frown directed to me when I forced myself on him. "Ah, it's okay if you don't want to. I won't force you."

"It…it's not that…" I mumbled. "Weren't you…repulsed by my body…?" I muttered the last part softly. God, I can feel my tears pooling again. 'Don't cry, crybaby. It's all my fault anyway.' I blink rapidly to hold back the tears.

"Who said I was repulsed?" Eyes widened, a bewildered expression on his face.

"I mean… when I was kind of forcing myself to you. You… frowned…and then didn't look at me…"

"...fuck…"

"So…sorry…" I tried to shrink smaller, silently pulling away from him.

"No, [Name]-chan. That wasn't directed to you." He ruffled his white tresses. Satoru takes a seat beside me. "Sorry. I should have told you that time. I wasn't repulsed by your body or you. I was ecstatic when you took initiative, but then you looked like you are going to cry any second. I was horrified. Then some annoying thoughts wormed their way into my mind… It made me a little upset. That's why I said I was going to cool myself down." He sighed.

"Annoying thoughts…? Such as…" I asked timidly.

"I thought you were coerced by someone to have sex with me. But why didn't you tell me at all? I was thinking that maybe you didn't find me reliable." He mumbled while tracing a circle on my hand with his thumb.

"Satoru is the best. You are so reliable… so much that I think I am so useless, since I can't do anything…."

"You are not useless. Don't humble yourself too much, [Name]-chan. You can do a lot of things I can't do."

"For example…"

"For example, cooking and baking. Or anything related to the kitchen. I can't do that even if you have taught me. Remember the cooking disaster in my home economics class. The teacher even went so far as to call for you to teach me." He chortled.

"I remember. The teacher was complaining how could you mistake salt to be flour." I giggled.

"They all look the same anyway." He rolled his eyes playfully. "I am glad you are finally laughing." He smiled.

"Ah…" I blinked twice before feeling familiar warmth seeped out from my cheeks.

"[Name], just existing, you are already soothing me. You smell like home." His large hand cupped my cheek as he leaned closer. As if being drawn, I also lean close to him, slowly closing my eyes.

"[NAME]!!!!" The door was opened forcefully. I flinch and bury my head on the crook of Satoru's neck, feeling utterly embarrassed.

"Can't you guys read the atmosphere?!" Satoru complained as his hand stroke my hair.

"We received a call from a nurse here saying [Name]-chan was in a car accident. Is she alright?" Suguru asked.

"I am fine." My voice was muffled by Satoru's shirt since he refused to let me go. "Just minor scratches."

"She is absolutely not fine. The car hit her hip. She is in pain now." Satoru informed them.

"It's not that bad." I forcefully pulled back, pouting at him.

"You were hissing in pain." He frowned.

"I… was not."

"Oh?" His thumb brushed over my hip, exactly where the bruise was and I hissed. "See…"

"Idiot [Name]. Just say hurt if it hurts. Besides, how did you get into an accident anyway? Didn't this sunglasses bastard take you home?" Maki frowned.

"Um…I kind of forced myself on Satoru… and then got upset by myself. And then I ran out by myself. And here I am…" I smiled sheepishly.

"...Are you sure Satoru was not the one who forced himself on you?" Megumi snorted.

"You don't need to cover for him. I will beat him up for you." Shoko added.

"I wasn't lying." I shook my head quickly. "Satoru… will never do that. He won't force himself on me! I think he doesn't even have the thought…*sobs*…" Tears flowed out on their own.

"[Name]-chan!!!" They gaped.

"Satoru, how dare you!"

"Wait! I didn't!"

"Does this mean I am not attractive enough?" I uttered gloomily. "I guess with this kind of body, it's to be expected…"

"No! [Name]-chan is always so cute and pretty and sexy that I almost can't keep my hand to myself." Satoru declared, earning a pointed looks from the others.

"You beast." They deadpanned.

"I am not. It's normal for me to be so attracted to [Name]-chan. She is the cutest, the prettiest, the most adorable creature on earth. I even think it's better to lock [Name]-chan up somewhere so no one will look at her."

"...[Name], this is the last chance for you to break up with him." Nobara said.

"What? No! [Name]-chan, I will be so lonely I could die." Satoru whined.

"Then please go die. It will save all of us from suffering." Nanamin replied drily.

"[Name]-chan~~~~ Nanamin was so cruel."

After confirming I was not hurt that bad and calling my parents to tell them my situation. They all go home, save for Satoru. He is busy ordering take out for us. His hand hasn't stopped clicking his phone. "[Name]-chan, what do you want to eat?"

"Anything delicious."

"Okay. Leave it all to me." In the end, Satoru stayed with me until the visitor hours ends. "I will call you later, okay?" He gave me a forehead kiss.

"Okay. Be careful."

"Of course." ~"~

Next day, Satoru is the first one to visit. He definitely skipped his class. "Good morning, my cute [Name]-chan. You are still so cute. In fact, cuter than yesterday!" He hollered.

"There's no need to say it out loud." I puffed my cheeks.

"Of course I need to say it out loud. I will say your good points at least once a day. Until you finally believe you are really special." He grinned. Since he made up his mind, I can't change it anymore.

"...whatever…" I blushed slightly.

"Your blushing face is cute too."

"I thought you said once a day."

"At least once a day, dear." He winked.

"...I am hungry…"

"I know. I bought breakfast." He showed me the plastic bag in his hands. "I will feed you." He dragged a chair and sat beside me. "Fuuuhh." He blew the it before carefully gave it to me.

"I can eat myself."

"You are injured."

"Just small scratches.

"Still injuries nonetheless." In the end I can only obediently open my mouth to be fed.

"So cute."

"...don't say it anymore…" This blush is going to be a permanent resident on my cheeks.

Everyone comes and visits me after school, bringing worksheets and fruits. Suguru and Shoko came to scold Satoru for skipping. Since there's nothing wrong, except a big bruise on my hip, I am discharged today. For my safety, my parents told me to stay with Satoru, as he is more than capable of taking care of me.

The rest of the night is spent cuddling while watching tv. I was settled down in between his legs. This is one of his favorite positions actually. Munching sweets together and fall asleep like that. ~"~

Next day, at school, many classmates were asking how I was. To which I answered I am fine. Mayuko, Aiko, Sayuri and Yuriko are also asking about my well-being. Except Mayuko didn't come only to ask that. "Is there anything you want to ask?"

"You… what's your relationship with that man?"

"That man?" I tilted my head. I know who she is talking about, but I just want to make sure.

"The white haired man with sunglasses…" She frowned.

"Ah, you mean him." I pretended to finally realise. "Our relationships… well, we are in a relationships."

"...no way…" She staggered back a few steps.

"Is that really surprising?"

"You mean he is your boyfriend?! Why didn't you tell us?!" Yuriko frowned.

"Why should I tell you about my private life? I don't have any habit of announcing my privacy to other people." I blinked.

"Still, we are friends."

"No." I shook my head. "We are just a mere acquaintance. We weren't friends from the start. I thank you that you talked to me because you think I was pitiful and then pretend to be friends. Thanks to you I now am capable of differentiating who should I prioritize."

"You!!!" Her face is red either from anger or from embarrassment.

"Hmph!! That boyfriend of yours won't be your boyfriend soon." Aiko sneered.

"A declaration to steal my boyfriend?" I tilted my head.

"That shit head won't become [Name]'s boyfriend? Impossible. Unless [Name] is the one who broke up with him."

"That's also useless, Maki-san. That annoying stick man will stick to [Name] like a leech. Even if he has to beg pathetically. As long as [Name] is happy. He will do it." Nobara rolled her eyes.

“A man of that caliber won’t do that. You think too highly of yourself. Let him spend a day with Mayuko and he will realize you are useless.” Sayuri sneered.

We look at them amused. “I am insecure and maybe a bit naïve, but I am definitely not an idiot. Why would I let my boyfriend spend time with someone who’s planning to steal my boyfriend. Just like Takeda-san said. If you have the ability, why don’t you spend effort to make him notice you?” I smiled. “I trust him enough to know that he won’t be swayed.”

“You!”

“Few days earlier, your words might have gotten me, but now I won’t. This might be the result of spending most of my time (a.k.a living together) together with him.” I smiled.

“Why…?” Mayuko trembled, face paling. “Why is it always you?”

“What are you talking about?” I frowned.

“Whether it’s Uesugi-kun or this man. Why do they always choose you?”

“Pardon? I don’t remember being close with Uesugi-kun though.” I tilted my head.

“Who is he?” Nobara asked.

“A classmate from middle school.” I answered.

“I don’t even know why Uesugi-kun like you?! What do you have that I don’t?! Even though I like him much more than you! Why does it have to be you?!” She glared.

“Because [Name] is sincere.” Megumi suddenly spoke up.

“Megumi.” We looked at him standing in the doorway.

“[Name] is very sincere in doing something. And she always tried her best, no matter how small the work is.” Megumi sighed.

“…that was just my perfectionist trait kicked in.” I mumbled.

“Well, the point is Satoru will only like [Name]. End of story.” Maki rolled her eyes.

“Hmph! Feelings will change.” Yuriko harumphed.

“I know. That’s why I tried my best to keep up with him. Because to me, he is worth it.” I smiled.

“Why don’t you tell him in his face?” Maki snorted.

“No. I will definitely be super embarrassed.” I shook my head.

“Ah… but he heard it.” Yuuji pointed to his phone, which is on call with the said man.

“Um… I am going to lock myself in my room. Bye!” I quickly dashed out.

Omake

“[Name]-chan~” Annoying sing song voice was heard from my bedroom door.

“No.”

“I heard it all, [Name]-chan. I am super happy. Let me see your face, yeah?” He coaxed.

“No.”

“Then…” The locked door suddenly unlocked and a certain annoying stick man entered my room with an idiotic grin on his face. “I am here.”

“How did you do it?”

“Oh, I just picked the lock.”

“…Where do you learn it?”

“Movie.” He answered. “More importantly, I caught you.” He trapped me in his arms. “I am happy, that you think me that much. But don’t worry. Just take your time. I will wait for you. [Name]-chan, you are worth it.” He whispered.

#gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru x you #gojo satoru x y/n #gojo fluff #gojo angst #jjk gojo

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carohasopinionsonbooks · 1 year

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A Case for The Wave by Todd Strasser to replace Lord of the Flies by William Golding

*disclaimer - these r just my 2 cents, feel free to disagree*

Ok if you went to an American high school, chances are you were made to read Lord of the Flies by William Golding. You usually read this book as a type of cautionary tale to show how slowly and yet fast a society can devolve. One little hiccup within the people in power and the dominoes can fall towards a world of chaos and injustice, usually at a gradual yet effective pace. Now, I will say that the point the book makes is a good one and one all of us should keep in mind.

Given that, I did not like this book one bit...

For a bit of background, Golding wrote this book on the beliefs of Thomas Hobbes, those being that the lives of humans are "solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short" and that without structure, humans would just descend into chaos and become, especially in the context of Lord of the Flies, carnage machines. This is something I don't personally agree with but it makes a lot of sense when you find out Golding fought in WW2. He, like many others after the war, questioned how things could go so south so fast. He happened to decide on the theory mentioned above and this way of thinking sets the tone for the whole plot of the book.

(tangent - Golding was also just a really messed up guy, seriously, look him up, he was wild....)

Brief plot overview - A group of British boys crash land on an island and are faced with the task of living alone with no adults and with no one telling them what to do on a remote island in the middle of no where. The boys at first try to deal with their situation civilly, but within a matter of weeks it all devolves into violence and chaos.

The main issue that I have with the book is that it just seems so unrealistic. Now you might be like, "Caro its exaggerated at some points bc he is trying to make a point, not all of it is gonna be realistic, its the message that's important" which is true but like holy moly is the violence just a lot sometimes. Also the fact that its all British boys just creates another detachment. As a person who identifies as female, there is a bit of disconnect there. The racist undertones in regards to indigenous peoples do not help the book's case either. The whole book comes across and looks like a raging angry dumpster fire (I mean have you seen some of the covers? Its really intense :|).

(a fun little fact: there was actually a real life Lord of the Flies example with a group of Tongan boys - here is the wiki in case you want a brief overview of the story - which ended in literally no drama so that deducts another point for believability)

Another reason why I just did not connect with this book at all was because I had read a different book that has the same message as Lord of the Flies which was 1000x times better. That book was The Wave by Tod Strasser. The Wave is a fictional account of a real experiment done by a high school teacher in California. The book starts out with a high school history teacher trying to teach WW2 to his class, specifically the part where Hitler rose to power. The students, all of them bored, complain that they have heard this so many times already and that they would 100% know, detect, and intervene if something like that were to happen again. The teacher, in response, decides to start an experiment with his students to put them to the test. What that experiment is I will not say for spoiler reasons but at first everything seems fine and then devolves oh so fast and oh so slowly. It takes place in a familiar environment (a high school) and I feel it is much more relatable and realistic than Lord of the Flies which is why I find it all the more impactful and effective. I read this book freshman year of high school and the story still sticks with me to this day. I would seriously recommend everyone go read this book if they haven’t already. Why we haven’t already replaced Lord of the Flies with The Wave within high school curriculums is beyond me and probably would have saved me a few brain cells …

#lord of the flies #books #i hate lord of the flies #assigned reading sucks #high school #lotf #the wave #william golding #Golding is a weird man

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hbcsource · 1 year

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Interview with Helena Bonham Carter and Russell T. Davies for Radio Times | January 2023

INTERVIEWER: Ginny Dougary WHAT A STRIKING entrance they make! Russell T Davies, an imposing 6ft 6in, with Helena Bonham Carter a little over 5ft, by his side, waist-high. He is in his customary uniform of work shirt, jeans and desert boots. She is all vintage vibes, Miss Havishamesque in a dark emerald satin dress, radiating sparkles from several shiny necklaces and a diamanté clip artfully placed to guarantee her dark hair is not kept in place. We are in a green room in the depths of Queen Elizabeth Hall at London’s Southbank Centre, where the writer and the heroine of his latest television drama have been on a panel to promote the show – Nolly – and to explain why the main character of an almost forgotten soap opera is worthy of this stellar treatment. Nolly is Davies’s tribute to Noele Gordon (the drama took her nickname for its title), the star of Crossroads, the soap set in a motel in the fictional village of King’s Oak, near Birmingham. Known as the “Queen of the Midlands”, Gordon played motel chatelaine Meg Richardson and for those of us who watched it – at its peak it boasted 18 million viewers – she was the beating heart of the show. In its various incarnations, Crossroads ran from 1964 until 1988, but in 1981 fans woke up to the shocking news that its star had been sacked and four years later, Gordon died of cancer at the age of 65. Davies, who once wrote a trial episode for Crossroads in his early 20s, loved the soap and was always intrigued and saddened by Gordon’s removal and subsequent demise. In his skilled hands, what could have been a cheap crack at a soap whose tight budget was revealed when the walls visibly wobbled, has been transformed into something noble. It is an exploration of the apalling way women were treated, discarded seemingly on a whim and how anyone who didn’t fit into the expected mould was misunderstood. It is also the restoration into the limelight of someone who might otherwise have disappeared forever. Davies wants to show us the extent to which Nolly was a trailblazer and part of television history. Gordon was the first woman, for instance, to appear on colour television as well as the first female to interview a prime minister on screen (Harold Macmillan). STILL, HER LIFE is undeniably an odd subject, on the surface of it. As Davies says: “there are many reasons why you wouldn’t commission it. I mean, there’s nobody under the age of 50 who has heard of Noele Gordon. “I’ve been extraordinarily lucky to tell this story and that’s because of It’s a Sin [his critically acclaimed 2021 drama about the 1980s HIV/Aids crisis]. It’s one of those very rare moments in a career where people are saying, ‘What do you want to write?’” Was he concerned that his motivation might be assumed to be poking fun or ironic? “Very much so,” he admits. “Irony is paper thin. Irony only lasts two minutes. We’re proper drama makers and if you approach it to take the mickey, then the drama has no heart or soul. Why even attack a soap opera? You wouldn’t get three hours of drama from it.” Nevertheless, there will be people who are still mystified by the concept. “To be blunt, that’s when you cast Helena Bonham Carter because she lifts your standards and makes people look and say, ‘Well, that’s interesting!’” He turns to his star and adds: “you create an expectation of class and quality. Stop laughing! You know it’s true.” As part of Davies’s research into Gordon’s life, he read her autobiography and loved the constant barbs about how much the actors were paid on rival soap Coronation Street. “I used to work with Granada and they were treated properly there,” says Davies. “It’s got to be said that ATV didn’t treat the cast of Crossroads properly.” Bonham Carter’s accent flattens à la Nolly: “We had to buy our own costumes! We were only given £40.” He also spoke to the original Crossroads cast – Benny, Miss Diane et al – as well as floor managers and chorus boys who had worked with Gordon when she did Gypsy. “I’m not daft, I kept chipping away at the public front, but that’s when I started falling in love with her, because people kept telling me how much they loved her. I spoke to Tony Adams [who played accountant Adam Chance and along with Larry Grayson was one of Gordon’s closest friends. Mark Gatiss plays Larry Grayson in Nolly] and as time went on, I realised that they really adored her. She was strong and I’m not whitewashing her…” Bonham Carter chimes in. “She wasn’t easy but she had a lot of compassion and she treated people right. She was an impressive woman.” Davies is the son of two classics teachers and grew up in Swansea with his two sisters in a house where the TV was always on. When we first met in 2019 for his dystopian drama, Years and Years, he recalled that I, Claudius was the first time he had seen men kissing, which confirmed the way he felt about boys. BONHAM CARTER, who shares a son, 19, and a daughter, 14, with ex-husband, director Tim Burton, was brought up with her two brothers in Hampstead; her mother was a psychotherapist and her father a merchant banker. Much has been written about her illustrious forbears on both sides of the family (a prime minister, Lord Asquith, on the paternal side; Rothschilds and heroic figures who saved Jewish lives on the maternal). Her family also watched I, Claudius as well as Upstairs, Downstairs, The Forsyte Saga, Wings, Dad’s Army (“My dad’s favourite”), The Monkees, Happy Days and The Brady Bunch. As for Noele Gordon, “she was sort of like wallpaper, in the background”. What made her want to do the show? “It was a complete gift of a part,” she says. “With so many good scenes and story, she ended up being a very gallant woman. She has been mistreated but she doesn’t gloss over it, she says exactly what happened to her. There is nothing apologetic about her, I love that.” There is a strong scene when Gordon is talking to younger female cast members in the theatre about why she was sent packing, “Yes, ‘I was sacked because I was sackable’,” Bonham Carter quotes. Davies clarifies that this line, “was just me riffing on the role of women and how they were treated. “And it’s still true that women can be treated disgracefully, isn’t it?” he adds, turning to Bonham Carter. “Oh God, yeah,” she says. “I think when Sue Barker left A Question of Sport she said that she wasn’t given a choice…” Davies concurs with the comment, “and she had power and establishment and status…” “They keep on asking the opinion of people they never see and it’s such a cruel thing to do to your ego. All these likes and dislikes,” she finishes with a sigh. Davies is clearly as passionate about women’s rights. “We had Women’s Lib in the 60s and here girls are in 2023 and they think they ought to be slimmer with bigger busts, and sexy and on Love Island. Women, when are you ever gonna revolt?! Women, when are you ever going to say ‘Enough!’? “I look at my niece’s friends on Instagram and every inch of their faces is covered in make-up, fillers and extensions. Whatever happened to just having a good laugh?!” Davies is almost 60, Bonham Carter is close behind. They’re both sanguine about aging. Davies remembers his youthful concerns. “When you were young, you wouldn’t go out if you had a spot! Wouldn’t worry me now!” “It is liberating to be older,” Bonham Carter adds. “The skin isn’t necessarily as attractive but who cares?!” When Davies and I spoke last, it was six months after his husband, Andrew, had died. During his illness, Davies gave up work to be his carer. He said then that he hoped the loss would get easier – has it? “No and I don’t expect it will,” he says. “It isn’t killing me. I’m quite glad that I’ve gone back to writing Doctor Who because psychologically I’m thinking, ‘He knows what I’m doing now’. It gives me comfort. It’s when you do new things he never experienced that it feels odd and you don’t enjoy it so much.” “You don’t get better, but you get better at it,” interjects Bonham Carter, “that’s what my mum says.” The actor is no stranger to family sadness. When she was five, her mother had a breakdown, which took three years of recovery and led to her becoming a psychotherapist herself. When she was 13, Bonham Carter’s father was diagnosed with a tumour and during the operation to remove it, had a stroke that left him blind and half-paralysed. He died in 2004. Bonham Carter has been reading books about coping with death because she has lost friends and family over the years. She’s most anxious about how to prepare for her mother’s death. “I’m quite haunted by what life will be like without her, she’s been such a sensational mum,” she says. “It isn’t just the death, of course – it’s how much they are a part of you and how do you rearrange your sense of self without them? I’ve had a few friends who’ve gone and I really feel that I carry on with them within me. And when my dad died, I wrote a whole book to him because I had to keep talking to him.” “In some ways, it has got worse,” comments Davies, “because it’s ‘Oh, you’re still not coming back?’ Maybe it’s why Andrew keeps popping up in everything I write. Even in Nolly with the scenes of her cancer, I found myself visiting hospitals. There’s been death in a lot of the stuff I’ve written over the past few years. I don’t mind that. I’m glad. It feels richer.” Bonham Carter nods. “We have to incorporate it into our lives and talk about it. And even with divorce, too – people don’t talk about it. For those of us who are grieving a divorce or someone who has gone… our heads are full of that person. So this thing of ‘Don’t mention it…’” She shakes her head. HER FRIENDS DON’T tend to be actors but go back to her days at school, latterly Westminster. Several of her closest pals work as teachers in the state system. As we draw to a close, Bonham Carter looks down at my notes and reads out the name of her (younger) boyfriend Rye Dag Holmboe, a Norwegian writer, art historian and psychoanalyst. We’ve run out of time but she says she wouldn’t talk about him anyway because of his job. But what are we to make of the fact that both her mother and her partner are shrinks? Could she have been a psychoanalyst herself in another life? “I could still train,” she says. “It’s a possibility. I think I might actually have another life.”

#helena bonham carter #russell t davies #interviews #nolly #noele gordon #2023 #radio times 2023

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sunshinereddie · 1 year

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19 for the writers asks!

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

oooh boy okay! so i don't really remember when i started writing because it was seriously. FOREVER AGO! i loved to read as a kid, and i think that like as soon as i learned how to hold a pencil and write, i started to write little stories! even when i wasn't physically writing, i was always thinking about stories in my head!

but i think the first time i crossed the border of just "writing little stories" to ACTUALLY trying to write something was...... fanfiction T^T i was like 10 years old, and i read the poison apple book "at first bite" and i wrote a fanfic for it because i loved it so much- except of course at the time i didn't know what fanfic was.

later in elementary school we started doing more writing, and i always really really enjoyed my creative writing assignments! i think i was in grade 5 or 6, we had to write a short story, and i think that that was the first moment that i actually realized "wow! i really like writing!" so then i started to write for original stuff in my free time (mostly short stories and i even tried writing some plays!), but then....

in late grade 6, i discovered fandoms and i actually learned what fanfiction was and, well... i'm sure you can guess what happened next lol. from grades 6-9, i think i was writing fanfiction like,, every single day. of course i had always enjoyed writing, but creating these stories about my favourite fictional characters was truly just on another level, and i had more fun with writing than ever before!

by grade 10, high school was getting more intense, so i was writing less, but i still tried to write and create whenever i could. by this point, i was thinking about maybe even pursuing writing after high school! i started planning out a novel that, at the time i thought was really original and clever, but now that i'm looking back on it, was absolutely just a supernatural fanfic with my original characters lmao. but still, i had so much fun with that story!

as for bumps along the way, by the end of grade 10 and most of grade 11, i was barely writing at all, both fanfic and original. i was going through a lot of stuff in my personal life and while i still found writing as a source of joy and happiness, i definitely didn't always have the energy to write, so i slowly stopped doing it. during this time, most of the writing that i was doing was for english class.

but then towards the end of grade 11, my english teacher actually suggested to me that i should take her creative writing class the next year! she told me that she had really enjoyed all of my writing that year, and that she thought i would do well and have fun in the creative writing class, so i took her up on it... and it totally re-sparked my love for writing! obviously i had to do my class assignments, but when i was forced to write it made me remember how much i loved it, and i tried to incorporate more writing time into my free time! i went back to writing fanfic (though not as intensely as before lol) and i just had a lot of fun doing so. except it was through taking this class that i actually realized that i didn't want to pursue writing as a career. writing was definitely something i very much enjoyed as a relaxing hobby, but that i didn't think i would like as much if i had to do it was my job. plus, i did like writing fanfic more than original fiction, so i scrapped that career plan lol

so i guess that kind of brings me to where i am now! when i joined the IT fandom in my first year at college it only further enhanced my love of writing- and for the first time since 2014 i think, i started publishing my fics again! i definitely don't see myself stopping writing anytime soon, as it's a part of my life that really makes me so happy. and of course writing makes me happy, but SHARING my fics with all of you is also such a source of joy!! so i gotta thank all of you for all the support on my fics, because seriously- when im getting busy with school and life and i just feel like giving up on my fics and writing, i think about all of my lovely friends here in ye old clown fandom, and it gives me all the motivation i need!!!

WOW OK ANYWAYS..... that was a super long answer lol but thanks for the ask!!! from this weird questions ask game <3

#sunshinereddie asks

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alexjcrowley · 1 year

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Severitus Headcanons, I guess (pt. 2)

Quick introduction: this is the second part of a post written more than a year ago when I was strssed for am exam because, guess what, I am now stressed for an exam. Here's the last post

As you'll also find in that post, here's the disclaimer, more or less modified.

Obviously I don't support the terf bitch, the only reason why in the year of our Lord 2023 I am writing something like this is because fantasizing about yet another fictional father-son relationship to make up for the one I lack takes the edge off my stress for exams and...well, other stuff.

I don't give a flying fuck about the Snape discourse, I don't care if he is good, bad, or in the middle, I did not write this to be accurate to the books I haven't read or the movies I hardly remember, I wrote this because it's comforting to me. So if you are personally offended by Severitus as a concept or Snape in general, don't make me part of your grudge, because I don't care for it. There are better ways to spend your time rather than insult me.

As I've made patently clear, I don't know Harry Potter that well, so if there are inaccuracies, I'm sorry. I linked my last post because these headcanons take place in the same "universe" as my last post, so you may want to read that too.

Let's begin.

Snape only uses his Legilimens ability on Harry to win at cards.

Harry only learned Occlumency to stop losing at cards (it may or may not have been Snape's purpose from the start).

"Do you have...a seven?"

"No luck. Now stop trying to get inside my head, literally."

"...you're getting better at this."

"Cards or Occlumency? I bet they go hand in hand."

"Shut up."

The hardest thing to adapt to when Harry starts Hogwarts is new boundaries. Harry and Snape have to pretend they don't know eachothers. Especially with Harry being a Gryffindor, Snape can't even use the excuse is looking out for a little Slytherin. But the necessity to protect The Boy Who Lived from all dangers hidden at Hogwarts (and the urge to look out after Harry who has a special ability in putting himself in trouble) is too strong to ignore. So now everybody thinks Snape is just really weird about Harry, he never lets him out of his sight, he is almost following him around and also they fight a lot in class. Honestly it's a bit weird to see a thirty-something years old professor have beef with an 11-year-old, but nobody dares to bring it up to Snape, they're scared of him, alright?

So the whole...turning down Draco's friendship is real pickle. Like, yes, being close to Draco, who is Lucius's son, is a bad idea because Lucius can't find out Snape is working for Dumbledore and Harry literally lives with him but also purposefully antagonize Draco Malfoy? On your first day? That's simply suicidal.

"Why did you have to be so...stubborn with him?"

"Me? I'm the stubborn one? He insulted Ron!"

"Whom had known for 2 hours then!"

"Well, I only needed to know Draco for five minutes to understand he was a bully and I am not friend with bullies."

Snape wants to reply but he is stunned for a moment. That's an admirable stance for an 11 years old. Merlin, if someone told me years ago I'd hear this coming from James Potter's son...

"It wasn't the worst decision you could have made. That was Draco Malfoy. His father, Lucius, is...a dangerous wizard. Not accepting his friendship will certainly breeds problems, but you could have hardly afford the scrutiny you would have been submitted by such proximity to the Malfoy family. You'd need to be a far more cunning Slytherin to avoid giving yourself away while making...friends with Draco, and you're a foolishly impulsive Griffindor, as we've witnessed today."

"Even if it was bad choice, I wouldn't have turned my back to Ron."

"I am well aware of that, Harry, but would you be so kind to let me believe in all the years I've brought you up I instilled some sort of Slytherin smarts in that red and gold head of yours?"

It's not fair, Severus thinks, it's really not fair. James Potter was the rich kid who strutted Hogwarts halls like he owned them and his son turned himself against an entire house not to turn his back towards a kid he met on a train. One day, Severus will have to tell Harry about his parents. He won't lie, he has never been one to sugarcoat things, but he doesn't want to tell Harry who is father truly was either. The side of James Potter people don't talk about, people turn a blind eye to, because it was just with Slytherins and everybody knows they're bad news anyway, because it was him and nobody cared if it was him. Harry doesn't deserve to know the truth, but one day he'll have to.

Harry didn't exactly took well the news (well, news to him) that Draco was Snape's godson. When Draco told him Harry couldn't believe it. He said it was joke, that he was lying. Everybody seemed to know at school. When he asked Snape for explanations, he said he "didn't want to burden him with this information", that was also "never relevant until this moment" for him. It doesn’t calm Harry down, on the contrary. He locks himself in his room. The only reason Harry doesn't fully blow a fuse is that they're at Hogwarts now. Of course, he can't tell Ron and Hermione why he is upset. Really, Draco Malfoy? Snape is his godfather? In which alternate universe? Sure, Draco is a Slytherin, but he is also pretentious, and whiny, and he is always ready to go tell his father things, and he expects to be treated like royalty by everyone and he is a bully! Snape hates all of these things, how is that even possible that he is connected to someone like Malfoy? Everytime Malfoy flaunts how being Snape's godson gives him certain priviledge, Harry wishes he'd known a spell to shut him up. And no, this isn't jealousy, it's something else that right mow he cannot name, but it's definitely not jealousy. And it's not jealousy because he knows Snape doesn't care about Draco more than he cares about him. Draco may be his godson, but Harry is his...protegè? Maybe? The exact definition of the nature of Harry and Draco relationship has been a bit foggy. Whatever, it's not important the title or anything, he knows Snape cares more about him, right?

Snape is torn between keepinp up apperances and following his heart. As disgustingly sentimental as it may sounds. Draco and Harry fight ever more than he precicted. And as head of Slytherins and Draco's godfather the only sensible behaviour for him to follow would be take Draco's side everytime, he knows that. But no one could prepare him on how hard it is, especially when Snape knows Draco is wrong, to look at Harry and call him a liar when he denies to have started the fight, an insolent and a brat. He explained him he has to do it, no one can suspect, but Harry is just a kid, of course there's hurt in his eyes when Snape says those things. He pretends to yank Harry from an arm to some classroom so he can give him a proper scolding, while the other kids who witnessed the fight chatter about the tremendous punishment Snape is going to inflict on Gryffindors' golden boy. Some of them try to subtly follow Harry and Snape, hoping to hear some of the insults the Potions teacher will throw at Potter and make gossip out of it, but Snape glare at them so hard some think it's a new kind of spell. When they're away from indescreet eyes and ears, Snape lowers himseld at Harry's level. "It's just pretend. Don't believe anything I say in front of the Slytherins and in front of Draco, especially. You're good kid, Harry." he whispers. "But I was right! It wouldn't be suspicious if you tell them I am right when I am! Draco pushed me and-" "It's not that simple, Harry." A sentence Harry will grow tired of hearing pretty soon. "And now go to your dormroom!" shouts Snape at Harry, theatrically, in front of the students who waited to catch a glimpse of Snape's rage. Snape is pretending to be be angry, but when Harry looks at him with fire in his eyes Severus knows he is not faking him.

Snape cannot stop directly Draco from harassing Harry, but he can alternative ways, after all he is a Slytherin. He opted for convincing Draco that fighting Harry Potter is a waste of time and all of the public insult matches he gets up to with Harry doesn't make him look good on his curriculum. Draco has an ego and Snape knows how to play with it. Snape does care about Draco, in his own way. He is not surprised he turned out the way he did, snobbish and egocentric and with a mean streak to him- he is after all Lucius's son and a Slytherin, you couldn't expect a Hufflepuff behaviour. But, because he knows Lucius, he can also tell that he and Draco are different. Surely Draco resembles Lucius physically, but it's clear he is putting effort into acting like his father. His meaness is not as nonchalant, one could say, as Lucius's. Snape pretends not to notice. He really did wish Draco didn't always use Harry as an assistant to prove the world he is just like his father, especially when he is better than him.

In the rare occasions Snape is forced to give Harry punishments he doesn't deserve (very rare occasions, since Harry usually breaks four rules a day)

At some point, way earlier than Snape wanted, Ron and Hermione found out Harry had been growing up with Snape. Which was weird, to say the least, but for very unexpected reasons. First of all, because for how much they argue in class you can tell they've got something personal going on, but "father-son" relationship is not what you would expect. Second, because Ron especially couldn't believe someone could ever entrust Snape with a child. When Harry told him in muggle children stories usually wizards and witches are evil and eat children, Ron thought it was about Snape. Having lived with Dursleys for a few years, though, Harry is very firm in defending Snape from accusation of being a bad guardian/parent. Snape can be hard to deal with sometimes, sure, but there's a difference between that and bad guardians, Harry knows, he's been through it. Snape doesn't deserve to be put on the same level of the Dursleys.

It's also weird that Harry and Snape live together for Ron and Hermione because it's just so much harder to hate Snape. It's not like they suddenly love him as soon as they find out he's Harry's guardian, but damn. You just cannot just things anymore. It's not even "it would be impolite in front of Harry", more often than not Harry is openly fighting Snape when he thinks he did something unfair, but because now you know Snape is not The Worst Person Alive. What is Ron suppose to say when he hets a low grade in Potions? Oh, Snape is probably a frustrated asshole who tried to get back at me for his sorry life? THAT MAN BROUGHT HIM, HARRY AND HERMIONE SLICED FRESH FRUIT FOR A SNACK WHEN THEY SPENT SUMMER AFTERNOONS AT SPINNER'S END. HE ACCOMPANIED HARRY TO RON'S HOUSE. He stayed over for tea once with his mother. You just cannot pretend he is the devil who spends time huddled on his home to making up new ways to torture his students anymore. He medicated Hermione when she hurt her knee falling from a swing. You can't hate the man who put a hello kitty band-aid on your knee (Hermione always brings with her her own small aid kit, funny ban-aids included).

Make no mistake, same goes for Snape. It's pretty hard to maintain your reputation as unsufferable professor when two of your students hang put by your house an awful lot. It's harder to be strict with them. And he does want to do that, Snape prides himself in projecting his image as a hard professor to deal with, who requires respect and the maximum effort in his subject. Ron sucks at Potions, and Snape is not going to give him better grades just because he is Harry's friend, but damn it's just...harder to do that thing when you don't care about how you students perform when they don't strive for perfection. Now he is disappointed. Disappointing in Ron Weasly. Disappointed for Ron Weasly's grade. He shouldn't carr about it! And also it's not fun anymore to tease Miss Granger. Now when she raises her hand Snape has resorted to tell her he knows she knows the answer, so why doesn't she give the rest of the class a chance? See, it lacks sarcasm, it lacks spite, it lacks maliciousness, it lacks...Snape's treadmark snarky attitude. "You're becoming soft, Severus" sometimes he sighs to himself, after missing what he would once consider a brilliant opportunity for a nasty comment. He then looks at Harry, Ron, Hermione, or whatever other kid his tongue now decided to spare by force of habit, taking a huge sigh of relief becayse Snape's remark has been less cutting than they expected. "Maybe it's not a bad thing" a voice in his head suggests. But what if his students lose respect for him then, it's always either feared or loved right? "You'll cross that bridge when you get there" a softer voice answer.

Speaking of failed Potions classes, Snape really can't hide his disappointment for Harry's grade. He'd thought living with him he would have learned something, even just observing him preparing potions as a child- they used to do this a lor when Harry was little, Snape bewed potions while Harry stayed in the same room, drawing or reading or making muggle homework or even helping sometimes. Harry is average at best. And Snape is only being fair, doesn't matter their relationship, he doesn't give him a point more or less on his homework, his work ethic is very strong. Snape considers this his greatest failure in Harry's regards.

But guess what he is great at? Bleah, Quidditch. Snape didn’t understand the appeal of the sport when he was at Hogwarts and he doesn’t understand it now. Harry blabbers to him excitedly about brooms and snitches and points and teams, but Snape barely understands him. "If only you were to pour such enthusiasm in more useful activities, like studying for Potions class". Harry puts on a face and looks away so Snape doesn't see him. He can't utter a word of Quidditch that Snape starts lecturing about "more useful activities".

"I am merely worried, Minerva, that pointless glory achieved in...sports will lure his mind from his studies. I wo't let the boy turn into a good-for-nothing brawny knobhead like all athlestes. " Severus complains to professor McGonagall. "He shouldn't waste away the little cleverness he has." He adds with a calculated insulting remark, in fear he let too much of his true feelings show.

"First of all, Severus, not all athletes are good-for-nothing brawny knobhead. There's nobility is sports." Minerva lectures him.

"You would say from such an unbiased point of view." Severus retorts. It's no secret Minerva is the biggest Quidditch fan in the school, her enthusiasm can trump the one of the students.

"Secondly, Harry has had an eccellent education and a dedicated" she says, stirring her tea while giving Severus a knowing look "he is not a knobhead and he will never be. About being brawny, I don't see how a but of exercise wouldn't help in preparation for darker days."

She and Severus drink their tea in silence.

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chronotopes · 1 year

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2022 is nearly over. time for 2021 personal writing wrapped

(2020) (2019)

salvaging this post for drafts because i don’t wanna miss a year and i have important professional reasons to be ruminating on theme’s and such in my writing

poetry:

“dancing balls of yellow light”, february. emotional breakdown poetry that i had literally no memory of writing until i decided to scour my notes app. #girl

“The sonnet holds a self-destructive place...”, march-ish. I was in the last gasps of a three-year Really Stupid About Something Phase, and wrote a super groundbreaking and original meditation on petrarchism after discussing him in class. I’ve written better things, and also worse things.

“London”, August. In the summer of 2019, I made a call that every time I or someone I cared about was on an airplane I’d write a poem titled after my/their destination. Plane poetry is for hacks but only if they publish it.

“Philadelphia”, December. See above.

Four completed pieces in total.

fanfiction

CHOICELESS HOPE, January-March. A fucking ILLUSTRATED FANADVENTURE about postacanon terezi pyrope, predictably unfinished. Was anxious about starting this one because I was afraid of not finishing it. Then I didn’t finish it, and nobody died.

“the truth must dazzle gradually (or every man be blind),” May. Kanaya & Terezi relationship study. Underrated.

“When the open road is closing in,” (published in the dirkjake zine). Flash fiction hastily brainstormed on a trip to the outer banks; postcanon jake and brain ghost dirk have a talk about the modernist crisis of representation, because, like, of course they do.

“In other words, please be true,” December. - Sequel to a dirkjake space au written for dirkjake week 2022.

Three completed pieces in total.

AL2RNIA, which is kind of fanfiction and kind of origfic, i guess

AIVIDE THE PREQUEL, the whole damn year. The monster. All-drafted, half-published, not-to-be-completed-in-the-foreseeable-future. Anyway, this is a novel about a girl who hates college and sucks at lesbian dating.

the aivide epilogues, sequel to aivide the prequel. very, very unfinished. a novel about a girl who was looking for a job. and then she found a job. and heaven knows she’s miserable now.

Heartbreaking! The Two Worst Women You’ve Ever Met Have A First Encounter - fun little vignette that was meant to be the intro to the aivide epilogues, in which aivide’s evil mom and vinbre’s even eviler mom meet for the first time

A bunch of character-buildy exercises from a guy with a ~Hyper Fixation?!~, including aivide’s disco elysium skills and her thoughts on the cast

Two complete pieces in total.

ACTUAL ORIGFIC (FOR MY SINS, I TOOK A FICTION CLASS)

“cass & laura, nashville pride,” february. psychological realism assignment that started out being called “one semi-final hour in nashville, tennessee.” a secret about me is that i am not good about writing psychological realist literary fiction, meaning that this is just a creative nonfiction piece with enough names, details, and places changed to make that plausibly deniable.

“Two Stories.”, February. Fairy-tale assignment for the same class. Frankly, the most competent piece of fiction I have written as an adult without cribbing from either a fictional property or my real life. Plays around with fairy tales and why we tell them. Confused my fellow participants in a very shitty three-person Zoom workshop.

“HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE: Or, a Smart Girl’s Guide To Persistent Boys.”, March. Lol. Another one that i always forget is not a nonfiction essay because i wrote it as what is basically a nonfiction essay. My professor, god bless him, astutely pointed out that it was, in fact, gender horror.

“The Saviors of the Galaxy! (And all that happened after.)”, April. Science fiction assignment. Introduction to what, scope-wise, is much more of a science fiction novella than a story. Pretty good; my professor was impressed, at least. What he didn’t know: the protagonists were based on June and Rose Homestuck.

Three complete pieces in total.

NONFICTION (2021 was my nonfiction flop era. huge L.)

“In another world, you die at eighty,” May. Lyric essay written the day of my friend’s funeral. (The world wasn’t this one!)

“Where Light Doesn’t Die,” April. Hypertext memoir about my trip to St. Petersburg; a more grown-up version of “Four Russias,” which I wrote in 2020.

“What Ceremony Else?”, November. Lyric essay written like six months after my friend’s funeral. About ghost tours and such.

Three complete pieces in total.

FINAL ROUNDUP CALLS

Works i was most excited about writing: AIVIDE THE PREQUEL and all of the other al2rnia writing

Work i am most impressed with in hindsight: “Where Light Doesn’t Die,” honestly the fairy tale and science fiction assignments, “In another world, you die at eighty.”

Work that could feasibly help me on an mfa application: “What Ceremony Else” if i changed just about everything about it (lol)

#writing adventures

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nostalgiachan · 2 years

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Time once again for OC redraws! It’s a very musical squad today.

Musical character lore below the cut!

#17: Zeros Kamui Idea: Baby's First Uke. Also a pop idol. Story: Luster

Let's be completely honest with ourselves: he's basically Shuichi Shindou. He might not have initially resembled Shuichi, but he's Shuichi. Maybe with a couple more braincells.

Zeros Kamui is a wildly successful pop idol with a keen eye for what his fans like: crossdressing dudes and The Gay. He once wore a miniskirt and thong on stage and acted as a goofy alter ego named Super Para-Para Powerpuff Zero-chan and the fans went bonkers for it, so while he wasn't super into the crossdressing aspect (or was he? ;)), it was a fun thing to do on occasion. It was during one of these Zero-chan stints that he decided to bring his bodyguard, Lust, on stage and plant a kiss on him.

But he totally wasn't gay, though. In fact, Zeros was very much the "doesn't realize he's gay until there's a dick halfway up his ass" kind of uke. Which is precisely what happened when Lust came to see him after the show and took his virginity in a drunken free-for-all. Fortunately for him, Zeros was more than okay with this turn of events.

He still wasn't sure how he felt about thongs tho

And then Zeros was kidnapped in the middle of a show by a wealthy crazed fan who met Zeros once at a meet and greet and decided he wanted to collect him. So Lust has to go collect Zeros back.

#18: Mina Grace/Mina Nevermore Idea: The rock star lead singer I wanted to be as a kid. Story: D.A.R.K. (not so much a proper story as an OC concept)

Oh boy, oh boy, time for the first iteration of my fictional band, D.A.R.K. In and out of universe, the name doesn't actually mean anything. Out of universe, I tried to come up with a cool acronym, like how HIM had once stood for His Infernal Majesty, but nothing really felt right. Instead, I went with the in-universe explanation that they wanted to do something like KISS's name, where everyone comes up with a different meaning and the band refuses to reveal what it means (because it doesn't actually mean anything and it's more fun to watch people guess).

Mina was basically my self-insert; lived in the same town I did, had the same side part and half-lid eyes, had the same taste in clothes and penchant for red and black, her last name's my middle. Apparently I first came up with her concept after watching a Flyleaf video.

She was basically everything I wanted to be if I was a rock star: cool, yet chill, the sickest wardrobe straight out of late 00s Hot Topic, and an awesome singer who totally didn't get stage fright, no sir. She and her band mates were all super best friends and eventually she'd end up dating her lead guitarist, Valo (another instance of me taking the name of something/someone I really liked and applying it to a character).

Most of what I wrote about these guys was actually "use the word in a sentence" vocabulary exercises in my English class, lol.

#19: Valo Idea: Genderfluid guitarist Story: D.A.R.K.

Ah, dear Valo. Valo was basically my first attempt at playing with gender presentation and androgyny aside from Neros, so bear with me.

Despite being obviously named after Ville Valo, they're almost entirely based on Davey Havok of AFI, being a combination of Sing the Sorrow-Davey's androgyny and decemberunderground-Davey's hair and makeup. I also inadvertently channeled Malice Mizer's Mana in Valo's habit of never speaking above a whisper.

The reason for whispering is that they like to keep people guessing about their gender; their sense of fashion is very GNC, they're able to do back-up vocals in both masculine and feminine styles, and the other band members refuse to divulge any details about their gender.

At the time, I referred to them as "it" because I had no fucking clue what being non-binary was or using they/them. Looking back on them, I'm not sure if I consider them non-binary or a very genderfluid male. I think at the time, I saw them as genderfluid male before I ever knew what that was, but I wanted to keep up the mystery, so I'll stick to they/them if I ever use them again.

Also they play lefty guitar, so that's fun.

#20: Hermanni Lobelia Hargreaves Idea: Bubbly bassist Story: D.A.R.K.

Eventually, Lemon's gonna smack me for the number of repurposed Finnish names in this segment. He's gonna strangle me when we get to Winterstrike

Hermanni Hargreaves, kawaii bassist with her kawaii pet hamster, Gas. And yes, they, too, have names taken straight from HIM: Hermanni is Ville Valo's middle name and Gas was their longtime drummer. As for other inspirations, her massive rat tails were taken from Albel Nox from Star Ocean: Til the End of Time, her middle name is the all-girls academy from Ouran High School Host Club, and her general fashion sense was very anime and J-Fashion.

Unfortunately, beyond her general concept of bubbly, upbeat, weeby bassist, I don't have much else documented about her character.

#my art #100 oc challenge #oc redraw #original characters #pencil art #traditional art

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ranch-fanpage · 2 years

Text

Epic story

Hey tumblr, please read my gay little story and feel free to leave any critique. I wrote it for a class and I”m pretty proud of it! Now I have to submit it to a publisher for my final exam, so be as harsh as you want.

Short story: ~ 7200 words

genre: fantasy fiction with some horror elements

Plot: an orphan goes to a foster home and discovers its dark secret.

(CW: blood, gore, and gay people)

Thank you!

Were there places you were bored and/or confused by the story?

Was the ending satisfying? Believable?

Did you get confused about who’s who in the characters? Were there too many characters to keep track of? Too few? are any of the names or characters too similar?

Apple Acres

By: anonymous

CW: Blood and Gore

“William. William? William!”

“Hm?” he answered.

“We’re here. And this time it's in the middle of nowhere, so don’t bother trying to escape.” Williams' social worker gave him a grim look. He has already been to 9 different foster homes, some better, some not, but he always found something to hate and eventually ran away. His social worker was a nice, loving woman, but the years had not been kind to her and after dealing with him time after time, she had lost her gentle touch.

“Get out, I don’t have all day.” She pulled out her cigar and blew a plume of smoke straight at his face. Will hurriedly opened the door to escape and went to lug his suitcase from the trunk.

“Bye kid, have a good life.” She said sinisterly. “God, I hope I never see you again.” She muttered- half under her breath. Will didn’t answer because he was too grossed out from the smoke she had blown on him. He watched the car speed away down the long dirt road, creating a cloud of dust. The first thing he would do after he settled in was take a shower. He silently hoped he had his own room that was free of dust. He watched the car until it was just a little dot in the vast nothingness. The landscape seemed to stretch on forever in enormous fields of short grass and long weeds, with only the occasional cow to break it up.

It occurred to him that there really was no escape.The records of foster homes and their children were shoddy at best and completely incorrect at worst. Someone could leave him here and his files would be forgotten at the bottom of a filing cabinet and he could be lost, never seen or heard from again. No bus came this far into nowhere and his frail, muscle deficient body couldn’t take him very far.

He turned toward the house, but he could only see the tips of the roof through the tall ‘rose bushes’. They were technically rose bushes, but they were mostly tangles of long thorns with the occasional fiery little bud. There was also an old, faded sign that was missing some letter. It read “Welcome To Apple Acres Orchard” after Will filled in the letters in his head. He walked to a rusting metal gate that opened between the rosebushes, thick with thorns. He pulled a pristine handkerchief out of the front pocket of his button up and used it to push a crusty doorbell. He waited for several minutes, but there was no guarantee that it worked, so he pushed the gate open with his hanky. It gave out an awful whine and a bit of the gate crusted off onto his handkerchief. He added the hanky to his mental list of things to wash.

The foster home was an old and weathered farmhouse with a barn on the side. They both seemed to be falling apart in every way possible. By the looks of it, he was surprised it was still standing. He walked through the crusty dead grass that was patchier than a balding man's head.

He walked up the poarch and knocked on the door. There was no answer, so he knocked another time. A short, stubby boy that looked about 15 answered the door. He had big, worried brown eyes and a jet black bowl cut. He opened the door more and led Will inside.

“Oh, a n-new kid. C-come in.” The boy stuttered out. “I’m Ollie.” Will didn’t answer because he was distracted by Ollie’s strange limping walk, as if his legs were different lengths.

They walked past a living room. There was a middle aged woman sleeping on the couch that looked like a mess. Her hair was in a messy, frizzy bun and her clothes were covered in stains. Beer bottles littered the floor. It smelt heavily of smoke in the room.

“That’s M-mother. S-she needs a lot of sleep, so don’t wake her up.” There was muffled shouting from another part of the house. “L-luckily she’s a h-heavy sleeper.”

They passed the kitchen and Ollie passed him over to another girl. She was arguing with a younger girl(~11 or 12) about something, but quickly stopped when she saw Will.

“Oh, another one. Hiya, I’m Alex and this is Brat.” She said.

“Hey! That’s not my name.” The other girl said, annoyed, but Alex ignored her. Alex took Will’s suitcase and showed him to his new room. Alex was tall and muscular and looked about 17. He couldn’t help but notice the hundreds of scars all over her in every shape and size. She turned back to him and he saw a large scar crossing her eye, splitting her eyebrow and leading to a chunk missing out of her nose. The eye that had the scar over it looked off to the side rather than straight ahead. The thought of what had caused this injury made Will grimace.

“Well, here it is! Enjoy.” She said half-mockingly. “Let me know if you need anything. I’ll leave you to settle in. Dinner will be soon, and get there quick or you’ll be eating dust.” She walked back down the stairs to the kitchen, but she stopped halfway.

“Oh, and stay away from Charlie.” She turned serious before continuing down the stairs. Soon the muffled arguing continued.

The room was small and very dusty and he had to share it with Ollie. His stomach started burning when he saw the rotting floor and visible mold spots on the wall. He dragged his suitcase in and set it on the cleanest looking spot on the floor. The more he saw, the more his legs begged him to run.

He rushed to the bathroom to search for cleaning supplies, but he stopped dead when he saw the sink. It was covered in blood. A corner of his brain imagined it was probably fake. He inched forward and laid his eyes on the rotting carcase of a rat. Its eyes were missing. He shrieked as loud as his feeble, asthmatic lungs could muster. The hundreds of flies infesting the carcass exploded in flight in every direction. Some flies flew straight into his mouth and eyes, choking him. He leaned over the sink and sprayed the contents of his stomach all over.

###

Will sat at the dinner table as quiet and still as he could, wishing he would just disappear. His throat, mouth, and stomach all burned from throwing up and he was still shaking from the sight of the vomit-splattered rat. Despite his scream, no one had come to help or even check on him. He was left to clean the mess all by himself. He had worn 4 pairs of gloves and 2 masks to clean. Short of pouring bleach all over the room, he had cleaned as deeply as possible with the few (and barely used) cleaning supplies he found. Now he carried a pack of wipes and wore gloves wherever he went. He wiped his seat 4 times before sitting down.

As soon as he finished cleaning, he went down to wait for dinner because he had vomited most of his food before it was digested. The dinner bell rang and at least a half dozen kids rushed to the table and fought for seats and paper bowls. After a few minutes they were all seated, with Alex at the head of the table and the cook at the other. So far, Alex seemed like the leader of the pack.

Will felt a light slap on the back of the head. “Wow, you’re almost as skinny as Charlie.” Said girl who had been arguing with Alex earlier that day. She was wearing a frilly pink dress and she had soft golden ringlets framing her face. She gave him a toothy smile, revealing a wide tooth gap. She reminded him of a cyclops because she was wearing a bandage taped to one of her eyes.

All the kids at the table introduced themselves, but he didn’t really pay attention to anyone besides Ollie, Alex, and the eyepatch girl, whose name was “Polly with a Y”. There was a set of twins, a really young set of siblings, and a few other kids who were alone, but no one named Charlie. Will introduced himself and they all asked questions that he didn’t want to answer.

Luckily, the cook started coming around and giving people food. She was about 15, very pale, and her hair was almost white. Her face was speckled with freckles and her eyes were dark red. She walked around the table and ladled them scoops of a chunky, oatmeal-like soup. Will immediately felt sick. The mixture looked and smelled exactly like vomit. All the other kids started gobbling it up as if it was pure ambrosia.

“What’s your name?” He asked when she came around.

“You can call me Cook.” She said as if annoyed by her question. “How much do you want?” Will was disgusted at the thought of eating her sludge-like mixture, but his stomach let out a ferocious growl before he could say no.

She ladled him a big scoop and it fell into his bowl with a thick plop. He looked at the ladle, horrified, when he noticed that she was missing a finger on that hand. He looked at all her fingers and many of them had chunks taken off of them, or the tips completely gone. His stomach gurgled again, threatening to vomit again, but he swallowed and focused on breathing. Cook moved on and he looked back at his stew. All of a sudden the bits of sausage were indistinguishable from pieces of finger. He left the dinner table and gave his stew to Polly, who quickly accepted.

“If you don’t eat you’ll start looking like Charlie.” She laughed as if it were the funniest thing in the world.

William walked out the back door, which he hadn’t explored yet. Rather than the front yard, the backyard was larger, with a lot more area for crunchy grass. It was split apart by a stone path that led to a little apple orchard that blended into a forest. He didn’t care much for nature, but he walked along the path to get away from the house.

He noticed an area with a small wrought iron fence that wasn’t much taller than Will’s knees. He stepped over and found rows upon rows of stones. His stomach dropped when he realized they were all gravestones, each one branded with it's own name and dates. The skin on the back of his neck crawled when he looked ahead and saw what had to be hundreds of little graves. His feet itched when he thought about what he was standing on. This was the only part of the yard where the grass was growing. There were even tiny mushrooms and wildflowers of every color poking out of the flush grass, life nourished by death.

Will was frozen in fear, sure that whatever had killed these kids was coming for him next.

“Are you ok?” A voice behind him asked. Will nearly jumped out of his skin. He turned and tripped over the fence.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Will looked up to see the most beautiful person he had ever seen. “I tend to sneak up on people sometimes.” The beautiful stranger gave him a smile and helped him up.

“Hi, I’m Charlie.”

His face was speckled with freckles and he had beautiful green eyes surrounded by long eyelashes. Curly red hair sat on his head perfectly. He was very skinny and Will could easily see the bones in his hands and his joints seemed to stick awkwardly from his body.

“I’m Will. I’m new.”

“Are you hungry?” Charlie asked.

“Yeah, how’d you know?”

“I saw you run from the kitchen and I assumed something happened at dinner. It’s not exactly easy for new kids here.” He shrugged. “Do you like apples?”

###

He picked a few deep red, almost perfect looking apples. He handed it to me and smiled.

“I know a nice place where you can sit and eat.”

They walked through the orchard and to the forest. He brought Will to a little creek and we sat down on a rock together. It was dirty and covered in mud and dirt, but unlike usual, he didn’t worry too much.

“Do you want an apple?” Will asked before eating.

“Nah.” He answered.

“But you didn’t have dinner either.”

“Um, I’m not that hungry.” He looked at his feet. “I ate a while ago.”

“You should have one.” Will insisted.

“Alright.” Will handed him one and their hands brushed for a moment. They both bit into the apples and Will was surprised. It was the sweetest apple, maybe the sweetest thing he had ever tasted. It was like a million skittles, a thousand cakes, and happiness in one bite. Charlie pulled out his music player and offered him an earbud.

“There’s no data out here, but I got some music before I came here.” William accepted and soon funky 80s music filled his eardrums. Charlie closed his eyes and relaxed. He leaned back and moved his leg so that it was touching Wills. Their legs were only touching slightly, but Will felt like someone had set his chest on fire. A part of him wished that they could stay here forever.

“You have nice taste.”

“Thanks,” He gave Will a smile that filled him with sunshine.”This is what was popular where I lived before coming here.”

Will watched the stream flow and the gentle rustle of leaves above. He felt better than he had in years. All of a sudden, all the things he worried about didn’t seem so bad. The dirt on his pants that he had been worrying about since he first sat down didn’t seem like a big deal. He felt as if a switch in his brain had been flipped and he didn’t feel like running away anymore.

“You must’ve lived in a strange town if 80s music was the most popular with kids.”

“Yeah, you could say that. The past is a... different place.” Charlie looked uncomfortable and his gaze turned from Will to the shadowed forest around them. “We should be walking back. It's going to get dark soon.” His voice went cold. Will's chest felt tight.

###

It had been a week since Will had arrived and he knew he couldn’t sleep in the bathroom forever. Since the rat started bleaching every surface every day, it was the only place in the house he could be sure was clean. Every night he would lay his sleeping bag in the bathtub and sleep in a scrunched up ball, which made him very sore. He had asked the foster mom to buy him cleaning supplies and she obliged begrudgingly.

First he started with the vacuum, then to the scrubbing, and he sent every fabric he could find through the washing machine. No one else offered to help him except Charlie, which Will thought was insane. Not even Ollie wanted to help, and it was partially his room. If he knew anyone else was cleaning, he’d be there automatically.

“Let me know if you find anything weird.” Charlie said. Will scrubbed the wall with bleach in an effort to kill the mold while Charlie took down the curtains to replace them. Will had found lots of weird things about the room and the house, but he said nothing.

A few days ago Alex had given him a tour of the property, but half of the tour was her telling him not to go into most of the rooms. What really worried him was how serious she sounded when she told him about the basement, which was right under his room. He noticed that the heavy door at the bottom of the stairs was padlocked. Yesterday he had walked down a stair to look at the door. There was a horrible smell emanating from inside that was somehow worse than anything he had ever smelt before. He didn’t want to imagine what was down there because it was somehow worse than the rat and the soup combined. For some reason he desperately wanted to go inside, but he left after only a few minutes of loitering at the top of the steps. The horror of the smell had given him a headache that lingered all day, but he kept finding himself wanting to go back, even just for a minute.

Charlie left the room to get something just when Will finished sealing the holes he found on the walls. Will moved on to scraping the cracks between the floorboards to get the dirt out. He used a little pocket knife and started on the area by his bed. After only a few minutes he got to a board that was different from the others. The difference was slight, but the board was a little darker and there was more space between it and the other boards. Will started scraping, but the board lifted up a bit. Frustrated, he pried up the board and expected to see a mess of mold. Insead, it was a box-like cavity. Inside it was very dusty and contained a small, black, leatherbound book.

Will slipped on his gloves and reached inside cautiously. He slowly pulled out the book and set it on the floor. On the front it had a red symbol that looked like an eye etched into the surface. Looking at the book gave him an unsettling feeling, but he couldn’t quite place it. He heard Charlie climbing the stairs and he remembered that Charlie asked him to tell him about weird things he found. Despite all logic, he felt like he shouldn’t let anyone see it. He quickly slid the book back into the floor and replaced the plank of wood.

“Did you find anything?” Charlie asked.

“Nah, just more dust.” Will lied.

“Oh. Ok, let me know if you find anything.” Charlie sounded so disappointed it made Will want to tear up the floorboards and give him the book, but he stopped himself.

“I will.” Will felt a pit grow in his chest. Seeing Charlie hurt made him hurt too, but he continued cleaning.

Soon it was dinner time and he ran to the table. All the hard work had made him hungry. The other kids soon flowed in and scrambled for seats.

“Hi Ollie!” Will said, trying to sound cheerful.

“H-hey.” He said, but avoided eye contact while he limped to a seat away from Will. Usually they sat right next to each other. Cook began passing around the food. Weirdly, Alex had sat next to Will instead of at the head of the table. In her place was Charlie. Will had never seen Charlie eat anything except that apple on the first day.

Rather than the normal, rambunctious chatter that usually filled the dining room, it was completely silent with only the occasional scraping of spoons against bowls. Will sipped his soup as quietly as possible and tried not to stick out. Charlie was the first to finish eating, which was unsurprising because he ate almost nothing. He promptly left out the door to the orchard. As soon as the door clicked shut the chatter started.

“Quiet a minute.” Alex said to the other kids, who quieted down immediately. Alex looked at Will with a stern look on her face. “I said stay away from Charlie.”

“Why? He’s not bad.”

“You don’t know him like I do. If you know what's good for you, you’ll leave him alone.” Alex grabbed his soup bowl and slid it across the table to Polly, who quickly scarfed down the rest of his food. “Dinner isn’t for traitors. Think about what’s best for you.”

Will had gotten enough beatings in his life that he could practically feel it just by looking at Alex’s muscular, scar covered arms. He knew better than to say anything.

Will got up from the table and left to the front porch. The chatter started up as soon as he left the room. He sat on a rickety rocking chair and crossed his arms tightly around his stomach. He bent forward and a soft sob escaped his lips. He cried as quietly as possible for a few minutes, even though he knew it wouldn’t help. If there was one thing that he had learned in his 14 years of life, it was that feelings get in the way of what's really important, survival.

Later that night Will waited until Ollie had started snoring loudly before he slid his packed suitcase from under his bed. He went around and picked up a few of his last items to pack for the trip. He crept down the stairs and his heart seized with every creaky step he placed his weight on. He tiptoed across the living room to get to the door. He was about halfway through the dark room when a lamp flicked on. Will swiftly flicked his head to Ollie, who was sitting on one of the squishy couches.

“I’m s-sorry for what Alex d-did. I just- I s-saw you around...” Ollies voice trailed off.

“Why did you tell her? I didn’t do anything.”

“Y-you wouldn��t g-get it. I see the way you look at h-h-him.” It was now that Will noticed Ollies PJ’s, which were a short sleeve t-shirt and shorts. Will tried gulping down his horror when he realized this was the first time he had seen Ollie without pants covering both legs. One of his legs was completely gone from the knee down, replaced by an ameture prosthetic made of twisted bits of spare metal. Ollie's strange, ugly walk and the strange clunk that seemed to follow him everywhere made a lot more sense now. Will gagged and hoped Ollie didn’t see.

“Alex was mean, but she was r-right. Ch-charlie is d-d-dangerous. I w-wish I could tell you more, b-b-b-”

“I’m sorry Ollie, but I don’t believe you. Charlie is the only one who’s shown me true kindness. I don’t belong here, I have to go.” Will continued forward to the door and lightly touched the handle.

“No! Don’t g-go. Y-you can't leave!” Ollie exclaimed and started crying.

“I have to go. You seem like a nice person, but I’ll be fine.” Will unzipped his bag. “I noticed you like reading. Here, have this. I found it while I was cleaning.” He handed Ollie the book, thinking he wouldn’t have a use for it. Ollie accepted, but didn’t try to stop him again, only hugging the book and crying harder. Will walked out the door and didn’t turn back.

The further he walked from the house the more he got that familiar feeling, the same feeling he had about the basement. His heart ached with every step, but he reminded himself there was nothing here for him. Nothing… Except Charlie. He had left many homes in all different conditions with different people, but he never missed it, never looked back. This time was different. He felt a way about Charlie that he had never felt about anyone else. He thought about Charlie often and wished to be around him more than anyone else. He took a final step and touched the gate.

“Why are you leaving?” A voice behind him asked. Will turned around to see Charlie standing behind him. He almost imagined he had summoned Charlie because he hadn’t heard him walking behind him.

“Another home. I just don’t belong here.” Will answered. Charlie’s face morphed from worried to angry.

“Why would you say that? Who made you feel like that?”

“It’s nothing, I should leave.”

“No, please stay. I would really miss you.”

“I think I would miss you too.”

“Was it Ollie? Did he make you sad? If you don’t want to stay with Ollie you can share a room with me.”

Will felt a flutter in his chest at the idea of sleeping next to Charlie.

“I guess I'll stay a little longer.”

###

Charlie's room was nice, nicer than any other rooms he had seen in the house. It was connected to the living room and led out to the back orchard. It was much cleaner, but Will found himself cleaning it often so that they could have a nice room.

From that night and on Charlie was almost always by Will’s side. Charlie started joining him for dinner and he would always pull up a chair so they could both eat at the head of the table. Will found meals a lot more enjoyable when Charlie was there and found himself thinking about him when he wasn’t by Will’s side.

Charlie had ‘swore to protect him’ but from what Will saw he wasn’t much stronger than a brittle twig. Will was thankful anyway.

Will noticed the mother would leave for long hours, occasionally bringing food, but she was almost never around besides sleeping on the couch a few times a month.

The dinner table was always quiet when Charlie was there, but Will didn’t mind. Cook would usually skip Charlie, as if out of habit, and he would have to remind her to serve him food. Cook seemed surprised and hesitated for the first few days. Slowly, Charlie started to gain weight. He morphed from practically a skeleton to almost normal looking. The other kids seemed unsettled and would go out of their way to avoid both of them, as if they carried a deadly disease.

Often Charlie would tell Will how great the basement was and how much he wished Will could see it.

“It’s my favorite place in the world. I just wish I hadn’t lost the key.” Charlie would say almost every day and tear the room apart looking for it. Will didn’t notice the fogginess in Charlie's eyes or his raspy voice during these episodes, but they were there.

Will found himself drawn to the basement almost as much as he was drawn to Charlie. He would go and sit at the bottom of the stairs while Charlie was gone. Slowly, day by day, he would inch down the stairs until he had reached the bottom. It was very dark at the bottom of the stairs, but he could see the outline of a shape that looked like the same eye from the cover of the book. He vaguely remembered the horrid smell from the first time he went down, but after going there so many times he had gone numb and now it was only a memory.

He sat down and leaned his head against the door. He heard some faint whispering that he had never heard before.

“Help me help me help me help me. I’m stuck, I'm stuck, I'm stuck, I'm stuck. Help me help me help me” It softly whispered, over and over again.

Will was not the same as when he first came. The old William would have jumped back and ran or probably not ever gone down the stairs in the first place. The new Will rested his ear against the crack in the door and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

“Wake up. I have a secret to tell you.”

Will woke with a start, a fresh headache festering in his mind from the smell he didn’t know. A bloodshot eyeball was peering at him through the crack in the door. He pushed away from the door and scrambled up a few steps.

“Who are you?” Will said, bewildered.

“A friend.”

“What do you want? Why are you down there?”

“I just want to help. It trapped us down here, and it’ll do the same to you. Get away before it’s too late! I was once whole like you, but it takes piece after piece until there's nothing left.” The voice was rough as if it had been years without drinking water.

“Whos it?”

“The Monster!” It screamed at him.

“The Monster! The Devil! The Curse!” A hundred voices chimed in and screamed at him. “Run! Kill it! Die now! Set us free!” A million different suggestions of what to do. Will was paralized in fear until a hand grabbed the collar on his shirt and dragged him up the stairs and threw him to the ground.

He was dragged away and into the kitchen. He scrambled to his feet and saw Cook looking angrily at him. She pushed him to the ground and pinned his arm down with her knee. She pulled a steak knife from the counter and Will squirmed as hard as he could. She pressed the tip of the knife into his palm slowly until his skin broke and a burst of blood squirted out from where she cut.

Will screamed until his lungs burned, but he knew no one was coming. They never did. She pushed her other knee on his chest with all her weight and crushed the air out of him.

“Never go down there again. The more you know, the more angry the monster gets. Stay in your place.” The knife dug deeper into his hand. He tried screaming, but instead he gasped for air. Her red eyes pierced his and seemed to bore into his soul.

“Don’t make me do any worse.” She got off him and walked away.

He ran up the stairs to Ollie's room and closed himself in the closet. He cried until he couldn’t breathe and then gasped for breath until he had enough to cry again. He hugged his hand close to his chest. He didn’t know how much time had passed, but eventually he heard a gentle knock on the door. The door slowly creaked open. Ollie came in and quietly sat next to Will. He tenderly grabbed Will’s wrist. Will flinched and pulled it away, but let Ollie pull his hand away. He cleaned Will's wound and wrapped it in a bandage. Afterward Ollie sat by to keep company while Will cried more. The dinner bell rang and Ollie opened the closet door to leave.

“Thank you.” Will said gratefully. Ollie nodded his head and smiled, but didn’t say a word. Soon after, Will fell asleep from the exhaustion of crying. When he awoke it was much darker between the cracks of the door than when he fell asleep. He cracked the door open and heard Ollie snoring across the room. There was a small plate of food and a note that Will could faintly read through the dim light of the moon.

“Sorry there's not more, the others didn’t want me to bring any, so I had to sneak it. I hope you feel better.-Oli'' Read the note. Will sat on his old bed and ate the small meal while watching the moon and stars outside the bedroom window. He fell into a restless sleep and dreamed of his oldest memory, being held in his mothers arms.

###

The first thing Will heard that morning was something shrieking at the top of his lungs. He awoke with a start in Ollie's pitch-black room and ran down to see what was the problem.

Charlie punched Ollie in the nose with all his might. Despite his weak physique, a burst of blood exploded from Ollie’s face.

“You stole it! You stole it!” Charlie screamed over and over in a raspy voice and threw more vicious punches at Ollie. A ring of the other kids stood around the fight and watched the show. Will ran to the fight, unable to believe what he was seeing. Charlie was so gentle and kind. Will pushed him off of Ollie. Charlie's irises were blacked out and his beautiful face was contorted in pain.

“Help me.” He whispered softly, as if it were his last breath. His face contorted into anger and his eyes clouded over. He pushed Will away and picked up an old brass key from the ground.

“The key is found. The basement will be unleashed.” Many voices said in unison around Charlie, but he didn’t move his mouth.

“You maggot! You rot forever! Die!” The evil, raspy voice returned and Charlie's arm raised the key. With one swift movement he stabbed the key deep into Ollie's neck.

“Stop!” Charlie yelled to the voice and pulled the key out. Blood poured from Ollie’s neck and pooled on the floor. “He knows too much! Traitors must die!” The raspy voice answered. Charlie's body flung itself off of Ollie. He rolled across the floor and writhed in anger, as if fighting himself. He grabbed fistfuls of his beautiful curly hair and ripped it out, screaming in pain with tens of voices. The body got up and scrambled to the basement.

Will rushed to Ollie's side and grabbed his hand. Tears gathered in Will's eyes. He knew these very well may be his last words.

“The book… A demon.” Ollie coughed, spraying blood all across Will's face and clothes. He grabbed Will's shirt and pulled him close to whisper in his ear. “Tell him you love-” Ollie's words trailed off and weakly handed Will the small book before he passed out from blood loss. Hot tears felt as if they were burning trails down his cheeks. Cook pulled Ollie away and quickly started tending to his wounds, though she was more than aware the odds of survival were against him.

He flipped through the thick pages of the book. There were pages and pages of handwritten notes and illustrations. He found the part about demons and skimmed the book, but there was barely anything written. Some of the pages were burned or splattered in ink, while the others were written in an unintelligible code that was strange and foreign, unlike anything he’d seen before.

There was only one line he could read.

“An act of love to purge the demon,” it read. Will's attention was pulled away when his ears rang with the screams of a hundred voices. The same force as before pulled him to the basement, stronger than ever before. The other kids stood at the top of the stairs. The heavy door was wide open, revealing a dark cavity. Will gazed at the light and felt his vision start to cloud over. His legs started to walk to the basement, as if against his will. A firm hand gripped his arm.

“No. This has gone on long enough.” Alex pulled him back and looked around at the other kids. “I’ve been here for thirty years and watched countless kids go down there and never come back. If we want to fight this we need to fight it together. This ends tonight.” The other kids agreed.

“But we have no plan.” Polly pointed out. They all looked around and shared what they knew about the monster.

“It can’t attack us all at once. If we surround it, then it doesn’t stand a chance.” One of the twins pointed out. Will felt a pit sinking in his stomach when he watched the kids pass around weapons to face the beast. Horrible screeches rang out from the basement. Will knew that whatever that creature was, it wasn’t Charlie. It couldn’t be.

The words from the book echoed in his mind. An act of love to purge the demon, An act of love to purge the demon, An act of love to purge the demon. Could love really kill a demon? What even is love, and what did that mean?

The kids cautiously inched into the basement, step by step, with Alex leading them. Will held a steak knife descended into hell. Instead of a normal basement, there was nothing but a skinny rock tunnel that led into darkness. Miscellaneous candles and flashlights were passed around and the descent began. The kids filed into the cave and continued until they reached the main cavern. Sharp rocks protruded from the floor and ceiling. The walls were splattered in a layer of red and chunks of flesh. The smell hit Will again, filling his senses and burning his throat and nostrils. His head swam from the smell. They continued through the cave and the horrors of carnage they saw would forever be burned into their memories. At the end of the tunnel was the worst. The air was thick with the smell of rot. The spiky rocks impaled what seemed to be twisted, mutilated limbs and body parts of every kind.

There at the end was what seemed to be Charlie's body, sitting on a big, bloodstained armchair. He was covered in a black rash that covered parts of his skin. His foggy eyes rolled back into his head and his face contorted into an evil expression of twisted joy.

“Welcome to my playroom.” the monstrous voice said. “So, you’ve all come together into a cute little group. How nice it will be to watch you die.” It cackled menacingly. Charlie's clothes were drenched in blood, part of it from Ollie. His body was twisted and contorted and he breathed unnaturally, but his beautiful face remained untouched. His limbs grew long and bony and he reached out to touch Will.

“So cute, your love for Charlie. But Charlie is gone. He was weak.” The creature grabbed Will's face and squeezed. “I’d like to watch you die. It will finally break Charlie and save him from weakness.” The monster's nails dug into Will's skin and tears streamed down his face. Charlie's eyes grew watery.

Behind him, Will could hear the children screaming. The monster turned his head and made him watch as monsters rose from piles of carnage. A dozen kids stitched together into a dozen different bodies, like a warped jigsaw puzzle. Their eyes were ripped out, leaving nothing but empty sockets. They stumbled closer to his siblings. Polly struck one with a shovel, but it did nothing but delay the creatures. It fell, but soon got back up as if nothing had happened. More rose from the darkness, their sickly faces illuminated only by a yellow light in the middle of the chamber. Alex’s heart dropped. She recognized bits and pieces of the monsters. A scarred leg, a burned hand, a severed ear, all pieces of different kids over the years sewn together into demented forms, but others were mangled and rotted beyond recognition. Alex almost never got sick, but the sheer horror of this twisted show left a knot in her stomach. Bugs of every kind swarmed the room at the disturbance of the creatures. A newer, less decomposed monster stumbled toward Alex. A maggot crawled from it's empty eye socket. Acid burned up Alex’s throat and threatened to come out. She looked away from the monster and down at its feet. She gagged when she realized it's leg from the knee down was Ollie’s, which he had lost to the demon years ago.

The monster turned Will's head back and Charlie's face relaxed. A disembodied voice tormented Will.

“Look at him, so beautiful, yet he will be the last thing you ever see.” Will opened his mouth and sunk his teeth into the hand that held his face. The monster dropped him and howled in pain.

“You brat! You’ll be the first to die.” Will knew this was the end, but the words from the book repeated. An act of love to purge the demon. He flung himself at the monster and wrapped his arms tightly around Charlie's body. The monster desperately dug it's fingernails into Will's back, tearing his shirt and drawing blood, in an effort to keep Will away. If Will was going to die, he was glad if it was in the arms of Charlie.

“This isn’t you. I know you’re in there. Please fight it.” Will whispered in Charlie's ear with despair. Nothing happened. The monster sliced further into his back and the pained screams of his family, the only one he had, sounded into his ears.

“Goodbye Charlie. I’ll miss you the most.” He grabbed Charlie's face in his shaking hands. “I love you.”

He closed his eyes and pressed his lips against Charlies. The claws dug deeper and deeper. He waited for the world to go dark. He thought of the first day, when they shared the apples together, followed by countless hours of time spent together. Will and Charlie, Charlie and Will. This was the end. The screaming stopped and Will heard nothing but the thump of his body against the ground and an intense pain growing in his head. The End.

##############################################################

Polly was surrounded and a dozen sickly monsters were closing in. She backed against the sides of the cave, no escape in sight. No matter how many she hit, it would always get back up and a few more would join by its side. The floor of the cavern was slick with pools of blood. She slipped and hit her head on a rock protruding from the wall. The pools of blood soaked her clothes. The creatures grew closer. She stared into their empty eye sockets and thought of her own. A monster grabbed at her face and tore the eyepatch off her face, revealing a similar socket left by an encounter with the demon years before. She kicked the creature back, but it did nothing to help. A whimper escaped her lips.

She looked through the crowds of monsters and saw Will lean into Charlie's body. The monsters screamed.

“I love you.” The words echoed around the cave. The monsters grew furious and slashed Polly’s face. Around her, thumps of bodys sounded around the cave. Another creature grabbed fistfuls of her silky golden hair and pulled her to the crowd. She screamed with all her might and closed her eye. The creature opened it's rotting mouth, sparse with teeth.

“Polly!” Alex slid to Polly's side and sliced the hands off of the creature holding her hair with a sharp butcher's knife. She grabbed Polly's wrist and pulled her away from the attackers.

“Charlie did something. They can die now.” Alex stood over Polly and shielded her from the monster. She picked up a rock and bashed it against a monster's knee. It's bone shattered with a grim crunch, but it continued stumbling forward. Polly also recognized the parts of many of her past friends and family. She sincerely hoped the monsters couldn’t feel pain.

They worked their way through the crowds, helping the other kids and gathering weapons. Soon they made their way to Charlie. Will was laying in a pool of blood that was soaking his hair. The kids lifted him off the rock that hit his head when he fell. They surrounded Charlie's body and readied their weapons.

###

It wasn’t until many hours later that Will would awake in an unfamiliar room, in a bed he had never seen, far away from Apple Acres. His head pounded and his body was drained of all energy.

Maybe it was the rock he hit his head on in the cave, or maybe it was the trauma from the horrors he had seen, but every moment of his time at Apple Acres and his time there was scraped from his memory. He didn’t remember any of it. Not his siblings, not the house, not even Charlie. This chunk of his life would be missing from his mind for the chunk of 20 years, until one fateful day…

#writting #story #fantasy #horror #short story #please read #critique #mlm #monster

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