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teacuptoast · 2 years

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Relation: Young Justice x Teammate! GN. Reader

Warnings: Cussing, Mention of Alcohol

Words: 3.2K

Summary: A reader insert and rewrite of episode 12 season 1. Reader is an absolute smart ass but we stan the sarcasm. They're giving major stiles stalinski vibes.

A/N: Ayyy my first piece so enjoy. Also, I'm having my monthly YJ brain rot.

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“Ugh, I hate chemistry,” Sighing, I walked out of my last class of the day. Merging into the swarm that was the hallway I adjusted my bookbag as my feet swiftly carried me out of the building. I was practically running to get out of the building, desperate to get away from the place.

Its only the second week and I already miss summer. AP this, ACC that, I was drowning in paperwork. Not to mention the fact that the rest of the team gets 3 hours off before you. While they’re all playing games and baking cookies I’m stuck listing to Mr. ‘Peaked in Highschool’ tell me how to do a pushup.

Already in a bad mood I walked deeper into the drowsy city. A steady drissle turned into a downpour as your student jacked did little to shield you from the rain. ‘I hate this,” I’d chant in my head to pass the time, “I hate this, I hate this so much.” Forgetting an umbrella was a rookie mistake.

Now being soaked and soggy, I huffed before taking a sharp turn into the nearby ally. My boots splashed through puddles as I neared the rundown photo booth. Setting my bag down in a relatively dry sport my hand rummeged through textbooks before pulling out a pair of glasses.

Placing the glasses on my face I took in a large breath before stepping into the booth. After scanning me the voice read, “B0-7 Hawkeye.” Hearing the familiar name I readied myself for whatever weird situation I was about to walk into.

Stepping forward into the room I closed my eyes and spoke into the room, “I think I’ve broken the record for most consecutive minor problems in one day, and let me tell you, its really pissing me off.”

Opening my eyes I looked into open room to find a fireball coming straight twords my face. My mind took its time playing ‘fight or flight’ roulet before it made the last minute movement to doge.

A string of curses left my mouth as I tried to figure out what was going on. Though I didn’t have the time before another fireblast came my way, this one I didn’t miss as cleanly. Feeling your skin burn you let out a hiss before dropping you bag and deciding to run.

Practically screaming I began to talk to myself, “I just had to ask how this day could could get any worse!” Booking it down the hallway I took a steady turn into a small room, barely missing the flames that followed.

Shoving yourself into a storage room was anything but ideal. My rapid breath frilled the room creating a erie eco. Inhaling one more time I held my breath as foot steeps neared. It sounded like the person was wearing metal shoes. ‘Red Tornado’ my mind celebrated, almost making me open the door.

The footsteps stoped at the studden sound, right on the otherside of the door. Rational thought soon kicked in, ‘Whys Red Tornado trying to kill me?’ My face cringe as I relized my stupid mistake.

The tension grew as the steps didn’t seem to move. Almost like a horror movie I held My breath, waiting in anticipation. After what seemed like hours the footsteps began to walk away.

Shakily I let out a breath. Trying to piece together the situation, I couldn’t help but wonder who, where, why, and what the hell was going on here. ‘This must be an attack, or maybe this is just a practie mission right? Right?’

After a short while I left the closet, checking the to make sure the coast was clear. I began to work myself down to the locker room. If I was going to do my job effectively, I first needed to get myself out of civies.

Heading twords the fitness center I quickly rushed into the locker rooms. I frantically tried to open my lock before it finally released. Out fell my suit and I didn’t wait a second to rip of my soaked cloths.

To think I was in the rainy streets of Seattle less then 20 minutes ago, gave me the shivers. I didn’t even have time to look at my burns on my arms and face to know I was in some deep shit. Knowing the adrenaline masked the pain, I quickly cover it up the burn. Finally placing my mask on my face I slipped on my toolbelt.

Putting my last knife in its place, I took in the calm that certainly wouldn’t last long. Hearing two pairs of footsteps, I quickly turned to see a pair of familiar faces being thrown to the ground by a flame.

Waving for them to follow me into the locker room, the three of us filed in before the next attack. Before we could even speek a word, Robin was already tring to override the systum. Following their lead I began to twist the showerheads, again drenching my dry suit.

“Can anyone please tell me what the Hell is going on!” I asked though nether responded. Robin procided to tell us that all lines of communication where down. ‘Grate now were stranded,’ I thought to myself.

“At least the waters helping,” he said as we backed into the middle of the room. Soon the clicnking of the pipes turned into growls as the water pressure shot them off the wall.

“Or not,” I added as the room began to flood. Swimming upwards I noticed a red robot sening more flames twords up. We looked at one another before I was taken by the water and tossed onto the hallway floor.

The three of us coughed as we tried to catch our breath. Standing up we quickley headed for the kitchen.

“We need to get lost.” Robin said as we walked into the kitchen. As we all entered I started to catch my breath.

I scoffed and smiled back. “Yeah no shit.”

Artemis looked to me before rolling her eyes, “The sarcasm is not helping Hawk.”

Turning back to face her, I rasid my hands in frustration, “I’m sorry I almost just got my face seareed off by a robot with boobs! I have a right to be a fussy,” stepping twords the kitchen I continued, “Lets head for the vents, so I can have a little fussy breakdown without being seen!”

The twos’ bitter similes soon turned lighthearted. Disite being overly dramatic and flamboyant at times, you were intellectually a genius. No matter the task at hand you always were able to run every possibility to make the best decision for the team and mission. You were flashy but decisive none the less.

As the two of us started our way into the vents we questioned Robin as he downloaded the caves blueprints. Before he could finnish his explonation, the familiar sound of metal boots was heard in the hallway.

We quickly scurried into the shaft one after another, myself leading the way. Robin shouted directions as we made our way throught the vents. Turning I opened the vent cover as instructed. Sliding down I couldn’t help myself from making a little ‘wee’ sound.

Braking through the vent we landed on the rafters inside the boiler room; now it was Robins time to lead. Before he could get anywhere we were stoped by a loud thud. Looking up we saw it was the same flame robot from before.

“Hey your a very nice looking robot,” I said to draw her attention away so the others could escape, “But the whole metal thing is kind of a turn off, for me.” She didn’t seem amused as she raised her hands, fire fillling the room as I let out one last remark, “I never said you wern’t hot!”

Jumping onto the growned level I met with my teemates. Seening the machines begin to malfunction, Robin let out a quick word before we moved again. Steem hissed as pipes broke sending us charging by the robot. It aimed for us as we continued to struggle with the blazing attacks. We ran past it quickly, myself brining up the end of the pack.

Ducking behind another engine, Robin pulled up a scene from his hollow glove, “I know that other acces tunnel is here somewhere,” Robin said in distress.

Finding the vent door on the floor I held it up for Artemis to jump into, speaking with a stupid smile, “You mean this one?” Placing an explosive, Robin followed in behind us. Falling into the tunnel, he stoped us before we could get much further.

Plugging his glove into the electrical socket he quickly explained, “Looking out the cave’s motion and heat sensors to prevent the enemy from tracking us.”

Artemis quickly followed up, “And I ask again, who is the enemy?”

“We already know theres a giant red robot lady that can produce fire and unless Kaldur’s gone crazy, we can assume theres another person who can control water. I’m just wondering why they look like Red Tornados divorced parents,” I added as Robin pulled up the screen.

On the screen showed our four superpowered teammates. They were up to their usual shenanigans wile working on Conners bike.

Kalder was the first to ask if anywone was struggiging with their school work, to which I fell back against the vent and yet out a disgruntled yes. As Megann began to ramble about her cheerleading team, I silently wished I went to our own Happy Harbor High school.

It was just some normal highschool, with normal kids who all did normal things. They could do extra cariculors like cheerleading, or swimming. They could hangout without having to risk the lost hour for their homework. It struck a cord of jellosuy inside of me hearing them talk about how easy their personal lives are.

Every morning I’d wake up at 6 in the morning to be greeted by prentious assholes for the 8 following hour. Pine Hills Private Acadamy for Intalectully Gifted, or as I call it, ‘The prerec for becoming a rich dousebag.’ Everyone there was just the same carbon copy Barbie and Ken and it made me want to rip my hair out.

While everyone was worried about surviving the evil robot attack, I couln’t stop myself from stressing over my lab paper due tomorrow.

My attention was soon drawn back as everyone was blasted back by an explosion before the screen cut out. Artemis was the first to pester us with questions about what hapend to our team mates.

“Explosion took out the camera,” Robin responded, “I’ll look for another angle.” He continued to type away as 4 more screens loaded onto his hallow glove. The first camera showed big stretching waves crash into the hanger before one seprate stream deliberately took out the camera. On the second angle, we briefly saw the team get splashed by water, before the camera was cut out again.

“All four are dead,” Robin spoke as I rolled my eyes at his poor choice in words, “The cameras. I mean the cameras,” Artemis face relaxed, “I’m sure the others are ok.” He continued to ramble on as Artemis leaned back next to me. Before we got the chance to relax, we were already opening the vent to jump down into the study.

Running down the stairs Robin explained that theres was a secret passage opened by one of the books. I jumped at the chace to coment, “Whats next, a trap door that leads to the dongen?”

“You should see the Batcave,” He said as I chuckled. Walking passed the numerous shelves we were surprised by the door opening behind us. Getting into position we quickly retreated behind a shelf. Knives still drawn and ready, we patintle waited as metal clanking walked down the isle.

“Artemis, Robin, Hawkeye.” The voice spoke reminding of us all of a familiar Den Mother. Artemis, though, jumped the gun and moved to confront him. Though who she saw was not Tornado and more like his long lost step father.

Robin pushed her out of the way as I tried to stab the machine in between its mental plating. Hitting its eye I tried to stab the other one before he could react. Before I got the chance he grabbed me by the neck and threw me into the nearest bookcase.

Hearing my teammates call my name I croaked out, “Sorry for flirting with your wife, thats my fault.” Rubbing the back of my head I got up to find the other, female, robot standing infront of us.

As she shot fire out of her hands I tried to regroup with the others as they scrambled ontop of the bookshelf. Artemis questioned who they were as she covered us from the top of the shelf. Sliding down with Robin the two androids continued to fire. Finding the right book in the nick of time, we entire the secret as the shelf fell overhead.

As we sprinted down the hall Artemis asked, “Did you know Tornado had siblings?”

“Yes! It’s almost like I mentioned this is the vents!” I shouted, “If I had a nickled for every time you all called my ideas stupid and I was right, I’d be more richer then Bruce Wane!”

As we met a cross in the halways she grabed my hand, “So what do we do now? Red Tornado is one of the powerhouses of the League. How are we suposed to take down two of them?” She seemed more distressed as the situation grew.

“They do seem pretty user unfriendly.” Robin responded as I once again let out an obnoxious chuckle.

She told us off before we got to respond, being interrupted by they overhead speaker system. It sounded like the same voice as one of the androids, “Attention, Robin. Attention, Artemis. Attention, Hawkeye. You have exactly ten minuets to surrender or the lives of your teammates will be extinguished.” Turing to face one another we could only assume what danger are teamates were in.

Continuing to run down the halls the androids sounded again, reminding us we only have 8-minuets left.

“We can access the hangar from here,” Robin spoke before we quickly turned around to face another wave of water. Contradicting himself, the three of us began to run away from the wave, only to be swept up by it. Taking in a deep breath, we were quickly submerged.

As Robin took out his breathing device, he headed towards me first but, I shook my head. Giving it to Artemis I looked around, only to find a red hand wrapped around my ankle. As it pulled me twords it, I grabed a smaller knife from my belt. Griping it I stabed it into his other eye as bubbles escaped my mouth.

Pushing off of it I felt a hand grip my waste and pull me out of the tunnel. As explosions followed behind us we broke for the surface. Gasping for air we quickly caught our breaths before hearing the voice of a familar speedster.

Quick dodging the incoming fire blasts we quickly swam twords Wally and Conner, who where both trapped in a rock of some sorts. Quickly asking if they were ok, they directed our attention up to the Martian. Looking up both Kaldur and Megan were traped in a cage made of fire.

“Aqualad, is she-” Artemis asked, pleading. Kaldur reassured us that she was just unconscious but, that they were running out of time. The conversation was broke when more flames were sent twords us.

Navigating deeper under water my body was beginning to fetieege. 8 hours of school on top of running away from evil robots was alot more then your 16-year-old body could handle. Passing Sphere, who was stuck in the wall, we quickly tried to hussle up the stairs. Unfortunately we were followed by the evil step father, and were stoped at the top of the stairs by the evil stepmother.

As Artemis talked about her lack of arrows, Robin called for a distraction.

”Ay Ay Captin!” I responded. throwin a small dager into the flame robots eye. It didn’t seem to faze the it at all. Before she was able to hit me with her flames, I dove into the water.

The others followed as I looked for a storm drain, which I luckily found. Pulling it off I let the others swim up before I followed in. Once we broke the surface we gasped for air and starrted to climb up a later.

Sitting in the tunnel I looked up and spoke, “You know i’m getting really tired of drowning!” Following my statement was the reminder that we only had 6 minutes left. Placing my hands behind my head, I heaved for air and didn’t bother listening to the two bicker.

“And you,” She looked to me, “For once in your life can you take this seriously? Our friends are dying and you look like you’d rather be napping!”

Between breaths I snapped back, “I think anyone of us would rather be naping then dying Artemis,” taking in another breath I responded to her other question, “And for the record I am taking this seriously. I prefeer to process my emotions with a little bit of sarcastic flare to avoid the fact that I secretly have an inferiority complex,” Watching her face turn in confusion I finished, “Does that anser your question?”

Slowly nooding we followed Robin down the tunnel. Artemis droned on about how none of our training maters now that we’re without the rest of our teammates. Though something she said sparked an idea.

“There machines,” Robin spoke and looked at me to finnish, “That means one electromagnetic pulse will shut down any machine within range. Nighty Night evil robots!”

Artemis was quick to bring us back down to reality, “Great, except you better have an EMP emitter in your utility belt, because I know I don’t have one in my quiver.”

“Nope I’m fresh out!” Robin responded, “But i'm betting we can make one.” Looking dumbfounded I turn my attention to him.

“This isn’t the science fair! We can’t do that in -” I was cut off by the android reminding us we had 5 minutes left, “In five muniets.”

Pressing my com, I linked to the one deliberately placed wepon, “Hey KF. Correct me if i’m wrong but, theres two vircator in the med lab, on the X-ray machine.”

Chuckling he responded, “I thought you hated practical science?” I hummed in agreement as we made our way into the med lab, before explaining the plan to the others, “You’ll find a small vacuum tube called a viractor, that converts high energy pulses. Reprogram the units microwave conversion from X-rays to EMPs, with a cascading energy vector directed outward.”

Grabbing the cylinder I asked once again, “Alright we’ve re-programed and secured the EMP,” Standing up the others followed my lead, “Hey KF? Again correct me if i’m wrong but if we hook this thing up into the main generator then we win the prize right?”

“You know your really making it hard to be the science nerd on the team,” Sighing he finished, “Once again correct.”

Pressing off my com, we dropped into a nearby airway. Looking down I could see the two robots as well as our teammates. Looking at one another, Robin divised a plan.

“Ok. Make a distraction,” He called into the com. It wasn’t long before the two drowning knuckleheads were teasing the robots to death. Hell, their commets were even making me cringe. Whe Robin asked for cover, the two of us quickly got into place.

As he swung onto the generator, he placed the EMP inside. After pulling up his hollowglove to re-route, he whispered into the coms, “It’s not working, Hawk. Circuits incomplete, I need something conductuble.”

I readied myself for the throw, though I stoped when I heard a yell, “Robin look out!” The boy was soon tackled by a wave of water, nocking him off the generator. Artemis reaied her arrow but whilst trying to dodge the blast from the android, rammed into me.

Losing my footing I tried to regain my balance but, the slickness of my drench boots betrayed me. As I began to fall I gave one last ditch attempt to connect the circuit. Throwing the knife before I hit the water with a large and painfull splash. Relling in pain from the impact I came up to the surface tp find that my dager had only missed by centimeters.

“Oh you have got to be kidding me.” I spoke, preparing myself for the incoming wave. Taking a final deep breath I excepted my fate, It was all up to Artemis now. With that, I felt my mind slip as I passed out from exhaustion.

***

Long and painfull coughs wrack my body as I began to wake up. I didn’t even have the energy to sit up but I always had one for a comment, “God I need a drink,” I coughed as I heard footsteps walk towards me, “A dirty shirley? Vodka? A club soda? Fuck it i’ll even drink Malabu just something people.”

“Well you definitely haven’t lost your humor.” Megann spoke as the others crowded around me.

Kaldur was the next to ask, “Are you alright? You’ve been out the longest? We were beginning to worry.”

A week chuckle left my lips, “Ah just ask Artemis, I was taking a quick nap. Speaking of which, I would like to get back to that.” Shewing them away with my hands I curled up more into the floor. Chuckles followed but they all decided to let you rest.

The moment didn’t last long though before Wally and Artamis were heard yelling from accros the room. Though when you heard a familiar voice. Deciding it was best yous at up drowsy.

I couldn’t bother to hear the aindriods reasoning, looking over to the two bots you decided to study them. As Red Tornado walked twords you and the drown you began to protest, “Hey I don’t care why you wern’t here but, I think its in all or our best interests if you don’t have a family reunion.”

“There’s no need to worry any more Hawkeye. The leage is here to finnish this.” He said kneeling twords the too.

Trying to stand up I wobbled and tried to separate the group of robots, “Thats not my point. My point is that your clearly linked to these two, making you a person of intrest in the attack. You being here at this moment is quit literally the worst alibi.”

He didn’t seemed bothered by my words but I still tried to convince the android. Before I got the chance Sphere sprung back to life jumping out of the wall. Then the relization hit me, those robots would be waking up anytime now…they just need a spark.

As the others were busy with the laser cutter, I wispered to the android “You walk away right now and no one will need to ever know about this,” He didn’t anser, just simply sreached his finger out, “Don’t!”

Quickly the drons came back to life, panicking you looked back to your friends behind you, trying to tell them to run. Red tornado raised to the sky as it began to suck the air out of the room. Quickly grabing your throat you began to cough. Grasping for oxygen you felt the life being rinped out of you. One after another, their bodys hit the floor. Despite your best efforts, you feel back to sleep.

***

“Hey I know your tired kid but you got to wake up.” The familiar voice was heard above me. I willed myself to open my eyes. Opening my eyes I was met with a familiar face.

“God I need a drink. Do you know the day i’ve had,” I asked him with a lopsided smile, “Like I had a Murphy's law daw. Just wait till Roy hears this.” Patting my shoulder he stood up giving me the chance to lay down once again.

From a distance I could only hear him speak, “Definitely concussed but they’ll be alright.

#kid flash x you #young justic x reader #young justice #young justice imagines #dick grayson x reader #kid flash x reader #wally west x reader #conner kent #dc x reader #nightwing #roy harper #we stan a platonic storys #maybe thats just me

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bluedalahorse · 11 months

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Hey! I love your YR analysis posts, thank you so much for sharing your ideas with us! :) I'd love to hear your opinion on what you think happens in August's mind that allows him to look beyond Sara's class background when date her, given his obsession with defining himself by his status social standing. Thank you!

Hi! Thanks for reading my analysis; I’m glad you like it! I’ve been dreaming of answering an ask like yours for a long time, so I’m glad you popped up in my inbox. As it happens, I have a shorter answer and then a much longer answer prepared.

So, the first part of my thesis here is that August’s attraction isn’t rational. Feelings kinda happen however they’re going to happen, and people try to rationalize those feelings and make them make sense and fit into the frames they have for relationships. You are right to notice that August has to get past some mental blocks to get to the place where he sees Sara as a dating prospect at all. But once he gets there, he rationalizes her presence in his life using frames he understands.

Now, August doesn’t necessarily see status as something he has to earn. He sees it as something he already has and is owed more of, and as something with ideals he strives to live up to. Nonetheless, as much as August clings to his status to give himself a sense of stability in the wake of family trauma, his status is constantly in jeopardy throughout both seasons. This is what makes his behavior so erratic, and why he lashes out at others.

My (potentially controversial?) sargust theory is that Sara and August are attracted to one another from the earliest episodes of season 1, even if they don’t understand that as true at first. August’s understanding of his attraction to Sara changes over time, the same way his sense of security in his status changes. How he responds to Sara is tied together with how he responds to his perceived power in any given moment.

We often think of the ruling class as being tied to old, outdated traditions, and to some extent, that is true. But from my experience of working in proximity to people of considerable privilege, one of the ways they express that privilege is in how and when they move goalposts to fulfill their desires. Those who are privileged claim the power to write the rules, but also the power to decide what the few rare exceptions to those rules are. By the time August recognizes that he’s fallen in love with Sara and is willing to commit to her, he’s also decided to rationalize her as one of those exceptions.

It’s a little easier to see the evolution of his thoughts when you break his interactions with Sara down by half-season. Luckily, I had a meta started focused on what I see as the timeline of their relationship, so I was able to take what I’d already written and modify it to answer this ask. I’m putting this behind a cut, because it’s SUPER long. But hopefully it shows the shifts in his thinking and the ways he eventually ties Sara to his philosophy of exceptionalism. Feel free to read on if you’re curious…

(Content warning for most August topics, especially in this case toxic relationship dynamics and class-based sexual harassment.)

Intro: Framing Attraction

Before we start, we have to recognize some things about the nature of attraction. First, it’s important to realize that not everyone feels attraction in the same way or at the same pace. Wilhelm and Simon fall for one another pretty quickly, to the point where Simon makes an unambiguous move on Wilhelm at the end of 1.2. For all that Simon and Wilhelm still have a lot to understand about their feelings, Sara and August are both less in touch with their feelings and what they would want out of a relationship. In Sara’s case, we see her asking a lot of questions to the other girls that shows understanding her own feelings isn’t always easy for her. (I imagine one of the ways her AuDHD manifests is alexithymia, which, haha I relate tho.) August, meanwhile, spends so much time in cycles of self-denial and self-punishment that he’s gotten used to ignoring his own needs, whether that’s emotional needs or even needs around things like food and not over-exercising his body. As a result, what occurs between Sara and August is paced and dealt with in dialogue a little bit differently than the Wilmon stuff, but it’s just as dramatic.

Second, and less comfortably, we have to acknowledge that attraction is not always accompanied by purity of intentions or emotions, and that a person’s understanding of their own attractions can be influenced by outside social structures. As a result of these structures and systems, attraction can also be expressed in ways that are laced with disdain. (Patriarchy, for instance, gives heterosexual men an abundance of sexist language and tropes to draw on when describing or addressing women, even women they’re attracted to.) Hence August calling Sara a “freak” and berating her early on in the study hall scene. This is not to agree with the idea that A Little Boy Pulls On A Little Girl’s Pigtails Because He Secretly Likes Her, because that is a dangerous and harmful idea and I don’t subscribe to it. Rather, I want to examine how societally-influenced biases shape our ability to process and act on our feelings in a healthy way.

Sara and August sit at an intersection of class, gender, and neurotype that influences how they react to one another and initially prevents them from seeing one another as potential partners. Consider that an overwhelming amount of Western history and culture includes men who harass women into relationships, spouses complaining about one another, working class women getting taken advantage of by upper class men, and just general… *waves at all of that.* As much as we want to believe we’re now in the era of the emotionally honest softboy, these sexist, classist, and ableist influences are still very much with us, and we still see the kind of nonsense that’s out there nowadays radicalizing young men into crap behaviors toward women. We don’t have to be resigned to this in our own society, but we do have to acknowledge it and how it influences August. I mean, August can’t even express his attraction to Felice without being gross and offensive about it, and she’s of his class and therefore someone his biases nudge him to see as “marriage material” at first. So how is he supposed to recognize what he’s feeling about Sara and reframe it in a healthy way?

For what it’s worth, we can see how Wilhelm’s societal programming impacts his relationship with Simon, too. It’s not just the sexual orientation stuff, but the class stuff. We can see the little moments where Wilhelm starts to drift into “we can just hook up and have it be a secret forever.” We see how he tries to make things happen with Felice (and that’s additionally nuanced, because he and Felice are also performing Gender as Hillerska defines it.) The part where Wilhelm denies being with Simon in the video on live TV is really the apex of that kind of class-based thinking, that would let him just kind of have Simon be a secret guy on the side.

Wilhelm however, unlike August, is much more willing to actively question his biases from the beginning of the series. He protests against being at Hillerska in the first place because he doesn’t want to be surrounded by people who parrot the ideas he was raised with and validate him on everything. Wilhelm wants his views challenged, even when he is periodically tempted to slide back into the habits of the upper classes. August wants his views reinforced, because he clings to his class status and social hierarchy as something that makes him feel grounded, and that’s always slipping away from him in a way it isn’t for Wilhelm. August eventually does push past his biases and see his attraction to Sara for what it is, but things go to hell again when he tries to assimilate her into his class-bound cultural norms.

1.1-1.3: August and Sara discover each other’s existence

In the first three episodes, August isn’t trying to assert his status by pursuing Sara. Instead, he’s pursuing Felice, who he insists that he wants to marry. (Marriage is, after all, a way to keep the noble classes going.) Still, there’s little hints about his future with Sara that we should be watching for, it’s just that neither Sara nor August quite knows the vibes they are putting out just yet.

I want to start by pointing out a moment of foreshadowing during the party scene in 1.1. August is giving Wilhelm his “we could murder someone and get away with it” speech which ends in the question of “who wants to be ordinary?” The Eriksson siblings enter the party right then, and the camera cuts over to Simon and Sara together. We’re following Wilhelm’s gaze at this point, and the camera is showing us his attraction to Simon, what with the way the way Simon is surrounded by colored light, all glow sticks and casual clothes and charisma. (I love this moment because it’s an immediate visual rebuke to August’s philosophy of exceptionalism and special-ordinary dichotomy; the special can be found within the ordinary, and there is so much beauty there.) We’re in Wilhelm’s head and being pulled along into his attraction to Simon. At the same time, August is shadowing Wilhelm the same way that Sara shadows Simon. From the start, we are being primed to see these two relationships as parallel. The camera isn’t quite ready to hint at full-fledged attraction yet, but it’s telling you to get ready for that attraction to develop and track it throughout the season.

In 1.2 and 1.3 we have moments of uncomfortable subtext. Consider the moment in 1.2 where August slides up to Sara and casually asks if maybe, could he please try some of her ADHD medication?

(Crap, I saved this but I forgot who made it. If someone tells me, I’ll credit them in an edit.)

I wouldn’t call their vibe consciously flirty or anything; that’s not quite what’s happening here. Sara’s initially buried in her book the way I am when a guy tries to talk to me on the metro. (She can be feeling attraction but still find the attention unwanted, which is important to mention. These things are complicated.) Still… there is a Vibe on August’s part. I say there is a Vibe because of how Simon reacts when he sees the conversation happening. Immediately Simon rolls in and plays the protective brother and is very never talk to my sister again. Which is about the 50 mg of Vyvanse, yes. But I find it hard to believe that this is not also about August potentially hitting on Sara, and Simon being worried about that.

As for 1.3, one place where there might be subtext about Sara’s feelings is the whole to-do over lunch tables. August is gatekeeping the Erikssons’ access to lunch as a way of flexing his power, and each Eriksson reacts in a way that’s quite telling. Simon is incensed, and uses it as the springboard for a (very justified) rant. Linda isn’t bothered; she is so cheerily sure it’s all just a misunderstanding and of course they’re going to be served in a minute. Sara… is quiet and withdrawn in a way that suggests she might be embarrassed by both her brother and her mother. Simon is unwilling to accept the rules while Linda doesn’t understand them. Sara’s worked so hard to learn the social rules and fit in, and here are her family members flagrantly ignoring the rules! In front of people! In front of… a person she might be developing a crush on, but knows she “shouldn’t” be? It’s not quite there until you think about it in retrospect, but that’s why Young Royals has so much rewatch value.

To be fair, both of these scenes are operating very much in the realm of subtext rather than text (and neither of them portrays a healthy sargust power dynamic.) It’s comparatively rare to encounter a heterosexual pairing who can’t quite find the words or social structures to articulate what they are, while the same-sex pairing they’re paralleled to knows very much that they care for one another. Wilhelm may struggle to label himself, but he understands that he desires Simon. Meanwhile, August is quick to claim a label and perform heterosexuality as a political stance, but doesn’t understand how nuanced and unexpected his desires can be.

I will also remind you that August and Rousseau are the same character, and that instead of giving us an overt, literal, absolutely excruciating Sara-August-Felice love triangle, Lisa dives into the horse subtext instead. A lot of what is under-the-surface in the early part of season 1 is expressed through the horse stuff!

1.4-1.6: Realization and Recognition

The second half of season 1 marks more of a transitional period in the sargust relationship. At this point, the subtext from before is rapidly beginning to surface in the text, and Sara and August are learning more about one another and trying to make sense of what they’re feeling about each other. There’s always been a vibe hanging between them, but now is really where they start to get pulled into one another’s orbit. At first, this looks like it’s going to conform to a toxic patriarchal paradigm, but that paradigm gets twisted a bit at the end of season 1.

Naturally the first scene that marks this shift is the one in 1.4 where August looking for Felice in the stables and encounters Sara instead. August’s immediate response to finding Sara alone is to try and sexually harass information out of her, which… is definitely uncomfortable again. We’ve got to acknowledge that in order to unpack this scene.

I’ve seen a lot of people argue that the stables scene is where Sara’s attraction begins, and I’m not sure if I agree with that. Sara’s inexperienced when it comes to relationships, but I don’t think she’s so pure and naive that August’s cocky performance is what sweeps her off her feet and makes her fall for him. We also know she isn’t taking what he says at face value, because one of the questions she asks him is what he really wants. Instead, it makes infinitely more sense to me that Sara’s already been attracted to August for a few weeks and is still kind of wondering what those butterfly feelings are in her stomach, and now here’s this extra bizarre social interaction (with added kissing that Sara doesn’t consent to but may have wanted under different circumstances) for her to hang those feelings on.

On August’s end… man. Why must this boy be such a can of emotional worms? I do wonder how much something is shifting in his head as he begins to hit on Sara. Most of those shifts are happening for him subconsciously. Maybe what he’s settling on in 1.4 is that, it’s fun to flirt with Sara to assert his social dominance that way, but at that point in the narrative he doesn’t think she counts as a long-term relationship/marriage material kinda girl the way Felice does.

Here I think it’s important to remember for that for most of Western history, wealthy upper class men weren’t shamed for pursuing women of lower classes on the side of their married relationships. (Sometimes these side relationships were more or less consensual relationships with mistresses, but other times men were just taking advantage of women who worked for them, and consent was impossible.) I’m not saying that August is thinking consciously about Sara being “available” for temporary amusement because she’s working class, but I am saying that’s the historical tradition of toxic masculinity that he’s been raised in. He does not expect to be caught and dumped for kissing Sara, because unconsciously he’s absorbed the upper class patriarchal programming that doesn’t even identify this behavior as cheating. It’s just a “fun” way to get the information he wants. (Ugh.)

Tl;dr it’s important to view August hitting on Sara in the stables not as August leaning awayfrom his upper class status, but rather as him trying to assert it. Yes, he does try to get Felice into a committed relationship with him to assert his status and masculinity, but now that he’s in a committed relationship with her he doesn’t feel any more secure in his status. So now he’s pulled Sara into his whole social class deal as well. (Ugh. UGH.)

That isn’t, thankfully, where August stays. 1.6 marks another key shift in his mindset toward Sara, because it’s where August sees a genuine connection between them for the first time. When Sara goes to confront August about why he leaked the video of Simon and Wilhelm, he corners her and offers to give her whatever she wants. Sara confesses her secret desire—to be a boarder at Hillerska and become one of its elite students. August’s reaction is fascinating, because there’s almost a quality of relief to it. Part of that, of course, is because he can easily buy her off. But I think it’s also because he’s finally not alone. It’s worth remembering that August has spent most of season 1 worrying about paying his tuition and the possibility that he might get kicked out of school. As Erik tells us before he dies, August made Hillerska his entire personality as a way of dealing with the grief over his father’s suicide. Sara, who is using Hillerska to escape her own family trauma, feels similarly about it as a space where she can feel more agency, and now she’s worried that her mother will pull her out of school.

(On Sara’s part, August’s behavior has become increasingly erratic over the course of the last few episodes, and I think she’s drawn to the idea that he might need help. I covered a little of this when I talked about Sara being the special horse girl who wants to tame the troubled horse, but we also see this come out in her friendship with Felice. She wants to help Felice when they first meet! Not to mention, one of the big things Sara gets in trouble for is revealing people’s secrets. If you think about it, August has revealed the biggest secret of the series by leaking the video about Simon and Wilhelm. As pissed as Sara is on Simon’s behalf—and people forget how pissed she is, in 1.6—she also understands what it’s like to have let a secret out and regretted it. Sara’s doing rationalizing of her own.)

I don’t know how much of that runs through August’s head in an obvious or logical way, but in his gut, he’s feeling this jolt of recognition. Sara feels it too. Sara sees him, and he sees her. The magnetic pull has finally brought them together, and when she kisses him, he kisses back. We’d be rooting for these kids as they found a genuine connection, if they weren’t also covering up a horrendous and harmful crime. Sigh! And know we know we’re in for some drama in season 2…

2.1-2.3: Liminal Companionship

Season 2 begins with both Sara and August in an in-between state, where neither of them quite fits into the world they’ve been placed in. Sara’s gotten her coveted boarder’s scholarship to Hillerska, but is rapidly becoming disillusioned with the amount of wealth her dorm mates take for granted. August, meanwhile, hasn’t had to leave school after all, but is convinced he could lose his status and freedom at any minute if anyone finds out he leaked the video. They don’t really discuss this directly, but it’s clear they feel more comfortable around one another because each of them has seen a side of the other the rest of the world isn’t aware of. Moreover, given the amount of discomfort each of them is feeling at the beginning of the season, it’s understandable that Sara and August would seek out one another’s company more deliberately.

It’s in this in-between space, where August feels like he’s lost so much of his Hillerska identity, that he finally starts to recognize that Sara is someone who can hold emotional space for him. At the same time, he goes back and forth between wanting to be vulnerable with her and keeping her at a distance. He breaks down and panics in front of her, causing her to teach him deep breathing, but then runs away after. He seems to like Sara, but he’s cautious about getting too close.

Sara and August’s physical relationship is also in a liminal state at this point in season 2, somewhere between an unexpected platonic friendship and a blossoming romance. Not that anyone should have to define a relationship if they don’t want to, but it’s almost humorous to me how you have this period between 1.6 and 2.3 where Sara and August keep touching and kissing and even grinding on one another and they just… keep acting like it’s happening for the first time. Like. Do we maybe want to communicate about that? No? Yes? Omg you kids are such teenagers, stop.

Sara takes the physical lead most of the time, which is a change from the aggressive predatory gender roles we see August performing in 1.4. I don’t think August is more passive because he isn’t interested (we see the way he lifts Sara up onto his desk in 1.6, and the way he laughs to himself after Sara leaves his room in 2.2.) I personally think this is more about August’s tendency to punish himself. His establishing shots in 2.1 are all about self-punishment and self-denial—the grueling exercise, the infamous bites of kale. We also see him refusing to fight for himself when Wilhelm starts maneuvering him out of his Hillerska positions. August is starting to give up in a big way, and at first he holds Sara at arms’ length because he isn’t letting himself indulge in anything that could bring him actual joy.

For that reason, we don’t really see a reciprocal ebb and flow develop between Sara and August until 2.3, when they finally more consciously choose to do relationshippy things and decide to have sex for the first time. One thing that really stands out to me in this scene is that August is so sure he’s doomed. He is genuinely convinced at this point that the palace is going to send him to jail and brand him a criminal for life. And now that he’s lower than he’s ever been at any point in the series, he’s weirdly somehow gained the ability to show compassion for himself. This is also the episode where he throws his pills aside and pats Rousseau (his narrative shadow) on the nose. If August is doomed anyway, and he’s about to lose everything, well, why not give in to his developing feelings for the girl who likes him back even if she knows he made a terrible decision? Maybe he thinks it’s his one chance to be with her.

I don’t know if August expects that he’ll fall hard for Sara. The reality is, by the time they’re together, he already has fallen for her. Suddenly, she’s a person he’ll fight to keep in his life. Suddenly, August doesn’t want to give up anymore.

2.4-2.6: Whose Cinderella fantasy?

The first time I watched season two, I wondered if August was going to approach Sara differently after his meeting at the palace. There was always the possibility that his (alleged) new security in life would influence him to cast her aside and go back to pursuing upper class girls. Instead what we see is that August is just as devoted to Sara as before—even more devoted, in fact. He invites her to the dance so they can debut together as a public couple. He sets up his room with candles and champagne and waits for her and there’s almost marriage proposal vibes about the whole thing and we all die of second-hand embarrassment when Sara texts to say she’s changed plans. August and Sara argue at the Valentine’s dance, causing August to backslide and start scheming again, but the minute she shows up and cries at his door about losing Rousseau, he takes her in and comforts her. He buys her the horse. He refuses to snitch on her in the field when Wilhelm has a gun pointed at his chest.

Anyway. We know August has very deep feelings for Sara, and it’d be easy to say his feelings run deep enough that he no longer cares that she isn’t high class. And his feelings do run that deep. But there’s another component too, when you think about how August is envisioning his future, and how Sara is part of that future. He’s happy to have her listen in on his phone call about the ten-year plan because he sees her as part of the ten-year plan.

After August’s meeting at the palace, he no longer sees himself as the heir to Årnäs, but rather as a prince in line for the Swedish throne. A noble is supposed to serve and protect the king by making an advantageous marriage and having sons—August explains this much in 1.4 when he’s talking to Wilhelm about the Society—but the king (in August’s fantasies at least) is ultimately at the top of the hierarchy and can bend the rules to suit his will. So August marrying who he wants is really an expression of kingly power, in August’s mind. Of course he can rewrite the rules for himself and marry Sara and make her his queen. He almost says exactly that out loud, when he promises never to hurt her and frames it as a royal oath. And while August and Sara never discuss having children, I’m sure August assumes it will happen someday. (That weirdo probably has names picked out and everything.) That means he’ll be able to fulfill one of the most important duties of kingship (especially in an era where a king’s powers are mostly symbolic) which is producing an heir and keeping the monarchy going.

Anyway, I actually do think that between Sara and August, it’s not Sara who’s caught up in the Cinderella fantasy—it’s August. He really wants to be the prince who rescues her from her ordinary life of drudgery and makes her dreams come true. Why? Because August loathes himself and can’t sit with his own flaws, and it’s more comfortable to imagine himself as Sara’s princely hero than as the guy who leaked the video. And he and Sara are soulmates, in August’s mind. He sees her ambition, and sees himself in it, and he wants to reward it. I don’t think that’s something he could see himself doing as the heir to Årnäs, but maybe it’s something he can do as heir to the throne.

Implicitly I think there’s an element of competition with Wilhelm, too. Sara and August’s fight at the Valentine’s dance brings that subtext bubbling to the surface. Sara is concerned about being in a public relationship with her a royal when she saw what happened to her brother after being outed. August replies, bitterly, that he isn’t Wilhelm, and accuses Sara of just wanting sex.

It’s worth unpacking this. As viewers, we know exactly how devoted Wilhelm is to Simon. But from August’s point of view, all he sees is Wilhelm disavowing Simon on live TV and not standing by him. Keep in mind, too, that the rumors of Wille and Felice’s hookup are traveling around the school at that time, and yet Felice and Wille are not attending the dance together, probably signaling to August that either a) Wilhelm treated Felice like a conquest and then pushed her aside, or b) Felice is a gold digger who took advantage of Wilhelm for her own gain. From August’s perspective, what he’s thinking is, he’ll be more committed and mature than Wilhelm. He will be a good partner. He’s not afraid of being seen with his Eriksson sibling, who he absolutely intends to take to the dance properly and stand in posed graduation photos with and probably marry someday. August is keeping score, and he also believes in his own hype. He’s infuriated that Sara can’t see how he’s different than Wilhelm. That’s why the moment he and Sara are back in each other’s arms in 2.5, he immediately leans toward rhetoric about making her his queen and staying with her long-term. I do think he genuinely means this, but we also can’t ignore that he sees himself as better than Wilhelm for it. He’ll do an unexpected fairy tale romance of his own and he’ll do it better than Wilhelm ever did, dammit!

Now if you’re very clever (and yes, this is me trying to channel the gravitas of Abigail Thorn) you’ll notice how actively ignorant and irrational August is being. He’s constructing a narrative about his relationship with Sara that ignores their rocky beginnings. To some extent, August doesn’t have a full picture of what’s going on in Wilhelm’s head, and he’s also assuming he’ll have a lot more free will as king than would actually be true. (We see this in another way, when he tells Jan-Olof he has some ideas about how to modify the Jubilee Day speech, and gets stopped from doing so.) But it still doesn’t stop August from dreaming about being able to write the rules for himself.

Well, of course August is actively ignorant. Systems of oppression thrive on the active ignorance of those at the top. That’s exactly what allows people in August’s position to think well of themselves and genuinely see themselves as good people (who occasionally make mistakes) rather than people running a system that perpetuates wealth disparities and patriarchy and inequality.

Conclusion: The Privileges of Inconsistency and Ignorance

To sum up: I genuinely do think that August is attracted to Sara from almost the beginning of the show. At first, his warped worldview causes him to ignore or lash out at or objectify her, and overall fail to treat her with respect. When it looks like he might lose all of his power, he does have a brief window where he can see her as a fellow human being who makes him feel less alone, and discovers his feelings for her in a new light. As soon as he’s spared by the royal court, however, he becomes consumed by the fantasy of being king and rewriting the rules to make Sara his queen. Being able to cast her in that role would go against convention, but it would also be the ultimate expression of his power and agency. Other people would still have to follow the rules, but August would get to break them, because the king gets to make the rules and be the authority on everything. This isn’t, of course, what Sara wants—but part of August’s hamartia is that he assumes he and Sara are on the same page.

Maybe this isn’t a popular opinion, but it’s upsetting to me that Sara and August didn’t get to connect under different circumstances. When they work together, they work. But by god do they need some therapy and a social revolution to boot. I 99% agree with (I believe) missbolt’s post on Sara and August, where she talks about them fulfilling a deep need in one another. The one place I disagree (possibly in a very nitpicky way that isn’t really disagreement) is that I do think August sees real ambition/struggle to survive in Sara, and I do think Sara sees real vulnerability/loneliness in August. These traits are real and not illusions. Because Young Royals emphasizes choices over “innate” moral personality traits, however, what Sara and August don’t foresee in each other is the choices and sacrifices the other is willing to make. Sara is willing to put aside her ambitions to try and make things right with her brother, while August shoves away his vulnerability to try and prove to himself that he’s worthy of power within a system that’s content to just use him and toss him aside when he isn’t useful anymore.

Neither Sara nor August really expects the other to make these decisions, and that’s what drives them apart. Sara’s choice will hopefully save her and allow her to reconnect with community; August’s choice will only further isolate him and drive him toward destruction if he doesn’t check himself and change course. August could stop this cycle of self-harm if he stopped subscribing the aristocratic ideals of masculinity, but he hasn’t yet. How infuriating! The amount of sleep I have lost over this fictional character’s terrible decisions, let me tell you.

(It kills me how gendered Sara and August’s sacrifices are, too. Sometimes I just think about it and I want to scream. But I can also appreciate the well-written tragedy of it all.)

I will also say that this reading of the characters influences my reading of the show at large. It’s part of why I’m not personally in favor of the monarchy sticking around and a Prince Consort Simon future. (I get why it appeals to other people and can read others’ fics based around that, but it’s not my personal preference.) It’s also why I can’t find hotness in the idea of Wilhelm being a sort of sexy masc dom prince who orders people around and pulls strings to make things more convenient for his precious Simon. August already exists in the narrative as a cautionary tale against that kind of power dynamic! There’s more to be said here about the way you can look at August’s choices compared to Wilhelm’s, and how they are foils to one another. Ultimately, there is danger in trying to rewrite an oppressive system in accordance with one’s individual whims, even when a person imagines something as noble as romantic love as being what motivates them.

Once upon a time, I was leaving @heliza24 a comment on the Heart and Homeland draft she sent me, and I said this:

“The road to democracy is letting aristocratic boys embrace their submissive tendencies.”

And… maybe I was being a little bit facetious. But on a symbolic level I think what I meant was, Wilhelm and August both have to envision themselves in new positions, possibly even as part of a new system, if they want to do right by the people they love. Moreover, they need to think beyond the people they love, and consider the impact of their power has on the world at large. They need to learn humility, to listen, and to manage their emotions. So far, it’s Wilhelm who’s succeeding in that kind of growth, and he doesn’t win that victory by trusting in his love for Simon alone. Instead, as I pointed out in my justice meta, Wilhelm needs therapy and community and the willingness to self-examine in order to move forward. He learns to stop focusing on winning Simon’s love like it’s a prize, and focus more on being the kind of person Simon would choose to be in a relationship with, while still acknowledging that ultimately the choice is Simon’s.

Will August eventually be able learn the same lessons? Only season 3 can tell for sure. I kind of hope he can figure it out eventually, against all odds, if only so he can one day heal from his trauma. He also has to radically accept that he caused harm toward Simon, Wilhelm, and others. If August wants to get there, he’s going to have to stop subscribing to the philosophy of exceptionalism, and instead start valuing the special within the ordinary.

#sara eriksson #young royals #august young royals #wilhelm young royals #young royals meta #my meta #oh no

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jmflowers · 1 year

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My dash has been a bit sad lately, as if we’re all simultaneously going through a shift in our lives that’s making us feel off-kilter. So, in pursuit of finding the good in my own life…

Gratitude Challenge!

Here are 10 things I’m grateful for and/or proud of myself for accomplishing since the start of 2023 (and/or in the last year if 5 months is too short a period of time for your brain). Please feel free to play along!

1. I finished college with a 4.0GPA after 3 years of hard work. I can’t wait to walk across the convocation stage in June. (And I’m the first in my family to have a diploma from a post-secondary institution!)

2. I directed a large scene in a short film as part of the graduating class’ final production. It was difficult and exciting and we were able to work with cinema-level equipment. I’m so incredibly proud of what my team and I were able to accomplish. (3 7/8 pages in 3 hours!)

3. When I started to feel my mental health deteriorating back in February, I sought support and counselling to help myself cope. Being honest about the pressures I have been facing for years is allowing me to place necessary boundaries as those pressures resurface. Taking care of yourself is difficult in this industry, but making choices to hike and run and exercise when possible are other great ways I’ve been protecting my overall well-being.

4. I completed another large piece of fiction that required several weeks of work and attention, with additional background efforts to fully form two of my own original characters. I am really proud that they read fleshed out and honest alongside characters that are already known from the source material.

5. I became an aunt again two times over. I was able to adjust my school schedule in order to be present with E as C was arriving, and then spend the first week of C’s life with them both. Once I finished school, I made the time to go meet L as well and spend time with her mum, one of my oldest friends. My first nephew is due to arrive any day now.

6. When situations were uncomfortable, I made conscious choices to leave and excuse myself from the discomfort or actively stay and rewrite the traumatic memories that were making me uncomfortable. Having the power over my reactions in situations that make me feel out of control is wildly liberating. I look forward to working on that more as I continue to grow.

7. I’ve leaned into being vulnerable more often in the last 5 months than ever before in my life. It’s terrifying every single time and yet I keep doing it.

8. I read a book a day one week when I was feeling really anxious, as a coping mechanism. I haven’t read that fast or that consistently since I was a teenager. I can’t wait to do it again.

9. I started practicing writing amidst changing locations and constant distractions with the three sentence fic challenge (while TAing). I had a lot of fun and got some interesting stuff out of it. I’m really looking forward to writing a bunch more again, especially in less-than-ideal conditions.

10. I won a scholarship! That was elected by the teaching administration I was working alongside at my college. The money, whenever I get it, will be really beneficial to help pay off my growing debt.

Consider this a formal tagging for anyone who would like to do this, too! I’m going to call out @lacallemojada, @cuteasducks9, @slipperygaloshes, @drlaurenb, @englishstrawbie, @trying-to-get-somewhere-real, @thebroken--soul, and @heyfarfallina

#I believe in you all!!!#this was hard at the start and then I could’ve just kept going towards the end #let’s practice some positivity #personal #gratitude challenge #tag game #be as vague as you need!!! but acknowledge yourself

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twofrontteethstillcrooked · 2 years

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Suptober 18 Oct.: Tattoos

"Can you come over."

Cas sounded so odd, Dean sat bolt upright in bed.

"Has something happened?" Dean asked immediately.

deancas ust, au + human cas (or is he? *dun dun dun*)

"Ah, yes. The oozy stage." Dean gently picked up Cas's arm and turned it to examine the bumblebee buzzing between the flat of his wrist and the bend of his elbow. "Welcome to day three." He touched the edges of the well-detailed fuzzy flying pollinator who'd been inked onto his best friend. "Warm but not hot. It's looking good."

"It feels strange," Cas said. "But not bad."

Dean put his arm down with some inner reluctance. He liked having an excuse to touch Cas; he would not be sharing this info with the class.

"What are you going to get for your next tattoo?" Dean smiled in encouragement.

Cas said, "Let's wait for this first one to heal. There were a lot of fascinating designs on the walls at the shop."

"Charlie does great work." Dean pulled up his short t-shirt sleeve to show off his latest, a lily in delicate shades of yellow in memory of his mom. "This one healed up faster than any I've ever had, and the colors stayed almost exactly as vibrant as they were the second Charlie was done with it."

"It's beautiful," Cas said. He wasn't actually looking at the tattoo, but that was all right: Dean knew he'd seen it before.

"Okay, time for pizza." Dean forced himself to look away from Cas's dark blue eyes.

Cas nodded and reached for the phone.

It was taking Dean days to recover from that dinner. The pizza'd been delicious, the beer cold, and the conversation long. He and Cas wound up talking well into the wee hours of the morning, which wasn't ideal since because they both had jobs. Cas's was as office manager of a small outfit that repaired air conditioners on big rig trucks; he only dabbled in various types of bee husbandry as a hobby. Dean's career was more freeform, and technically he set his own hours, but it's like not monsters knew that. All monsters cared about was that Dean was tired when he and Sam hit the road and Dean stayed tired for the entirety of a grim, salt and burn session – harder than it should've been – in an overgrown graveyard.

He had almost fallen asleep when his phone rang. Seeing it was Cas, he had no choice but to answer.

"What's up, buddy?" he said through a yawn.

"Can you come over."

Cas sounded so odd, Dean sat bolt upright in bed.

"Has something happened?" Dean asked immediately.

There was a gap. "Yes," Cas said, voice cracking on the short word.

"I'll be right there." Dean was already putting his boots back on, before thinking maybe he should also put on pants of some kind.

"It's gone," was the first thing Cas said to him upon opening the door.

"What is?" Dean came into Cas's cottage and looked around, assessing. The small, spare living room seemed as tidy as ever, none of the pillows or throw blankets or plants on the windowsill out of place.

Cas held out his arm.

Dean gave him a look. "Well, now, that arm still seems to be attached to your shoulder like always–"

"The bee is gone, Dean."

Air left Dean's lungs in a whoosh. "What." He grabbed both of Cas's wrists and examined Cas's arms thoroughly, roughly even. He imagined his own eyes were like saucers, the way a cartoon character's would be seeing a hot lady – only in this case, he was looking at nothing but slightly golden skin and a light dusting of normal arm hair.

There was definitely no tattoo in sight.

"That. Is. Peculiar," Dean was able to eventually say. "Have you called Charlie yet?"

"No," Cas said, looking reluctant. "I don't want to sound like I'm blaming her at all." His eyes slid away from Dean. "It's most likely my fault."

"How could it possibly be your fault? You didn't peel open your arm and pour in a cup of bleach. And I'm not even sure that would work – I mean, your arm would fall off maybe. I knew a waitress once who was in the process of having a roadrunner tattoo lasered off her lower back and it was taking over five months of sessions and thousands of dollars to complete." Dean's brain, chugging along maybe a little more slowly, made him back up for a second and take in the dejection in Cas's face. "Wait, have you had other tattoos?"

"No." Cas paused. "I've also never had a scrape or a scratch, much less a cut." He took what seemed like a shaky breath and looked up at Dean again, eyes filled with something akin to pleading.

"What are you talking about?" The room tilted on Dean. "You never… What?"

"When I was seven or eight I tripped on the sidewalk outside my elementary school, wiped out spectacularly, and skinned my knee. Tore up my pants and everything. By the time I'd been helped into the nurse's office… The skin had healed." Cas gave him a shaky smile and looked away again. "Vaccinations also make my arm very, very, very sore. Like for a couple of weeks. For years I took the flu vaccine in the nasal spray form. Never been sick with much of anything communicable, though. Dumb luck, I guess."

"I'm calling Charlie right now," Dean declared, having decided to not think about any of the implications of that other stuff.

"Oooh, okay, that possibly explains why– Uh. It was exceptionally hard to give you that bee, Cas. I wish you'd said something about the vaccines," Charlie said over the speaker phone a minute later. "I was trying to make it as unpainful as I could, and I was going as fast as I could and the needle's small, but, like, I was having to stab you way more forcefully than I would normally." She chewed something crunchy. "Oh god! Cas, it must've hurt like the dickens, I'm so sorry."

Cas went slightly pink in the cheeks. "It's fine, Charlie. It wasn't your fault."

"It hurt bad?" Dean whispered to him. His stomach cramped when Cas didn't so much nod as not say no.

"You ever had another client with this kinda…condition, Charlie?" Dean's brain was frizzling.

She was silent for a moment. "I have not," she said carefully. "But um. What are you thinking the problem could be?"

"It could be biological, since I have the history with…things." Cas tried to smile and failed. "You're surely both thinking it's not something. Average." He bit his lip. "We should call Sam, shouldn't we? Start combing through the lore?"

Charlie made an affirmative sounding noise on her end.

Dean said, "We don't know what this is. And anyway, aside from the tattoo disappearing, doesn't seem like you're in or causing any kind of trouble. Most people'd be thrilled to be, I don't know what we're calling it – immune to wounds." Dean threw up his hands. "I'd be thrilled. You know how many times I've been patched up?"

"Thirty one," Cas said.

"Bang on the money," Dean said, bumping his knee against his.

Cas looked at him fondly.

"Where did you guys meet again?" Charlie asked.

"We're neighbors," Cas said.

"Oh, yeah. Well, let me know if I can or need to do anything else for you," Charlie said. "I could do some research about advanced inking techniques and see if there's another way to make this bee happen."

"We'll keep you posted," Dean said.

He and Cas sat on Cas's couch and listened to an October wind knock leaves around in the yard between their houses.

"Do we have to call Sam now?" Cas's words fell into the quiet. "It's so late; I'd hate to wake him up."

"We'll talk to him in the morning. But Cas, listen." Dean turned a little and lightly tapped Cas's arm where the bee had been. "This is no big deal. I mean, probably you're not wanna go getting stabbed with needles–" A realization washed over him. "You weren't interested in getting a tattoo until I talked you into one, were you."

"I wasn't uninterested. Yours are so pretty and obviously meaningful to you, and Charlie's designs are wonderful." Cas swallowed. "I didn't want to think it wouldn't work."

"We don't know it can't – between Sam and Charlie, if you wanna be festooned with an aerodynamically improbable bee, we'll get you one." Dean tried to sound comforting. "And as to your…supposed invulnerability."

"It doesn't portend anything good, from a hunter's perspective," Cas said, as though Dean needed him to finish the thought.

"You're never going to make me mad about knowing you," Dean corrected. "Not a single thing about you is monstrous and I'll thank you not to assume I'd ever think otherwise."

Cas sat with that and looked the slightest bit teary. "I apologize for presuming."

Dean managed to fall more in love with him than he already was, and then managed to choke it down like he always did. "No worries." He stood up, regardless of gravity being a jerk about it. "You could make it up to me one way."

"What's that?" Cas stood up too, kindness shining in his face.

"Let me crash on your couch. I know my house is literally feet away but I am beat."

Cas went very still, looking up into Dean's eyes. Dean felt himself going similarly still, watching, hope suddenly rising in his chest.

"My bed's more comfortable," Cas said softly, holding out his hand.

It really was, Dean had the privilege to discover.

#suptober22 #deancas #destiel #spn #fic #snippetfic #suptober

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writteninthegarden · 2 years

Text

Office Visit

Aaron Hotchner x Female Cyber Crimes Agent (formerly White Collar Crimes)

Per usual, 18+ please and thank you :)

A/N: Back at it finally! When work and class both pick up at the same time…yikes.

Summary: Reader is working hard to adjust to the new role in Cyber Crimes while still juggling the task force work with her new colleague. Unfortunately, that means Reader hasn’t had much time to spend with Aaron lately. He seems to be managing okay…until he isn’t. Aaron pays reader a visit, but reader sees it as a lack of trust. Naturally, that does not go over well.

Word Count: 1459

Warnings/Content: SFW, Jealous Hotch, Trust issues, Some angst, minor language

Aaron: Still at work?

You: Yeah, training sucks

Aaron: I don’t want to write this report I’ve been staring at for an hour. You should come distract me.

You: Wish I could, handsome. I’m stuck with Russell.

Aaron: My sympathy. I’ll let you focus.

You: Love you!

Aaron: I love you too

Unfortunately, that became a familiar conversation the further you got into this joint task force with Agent Russell. You panicked one night when he commented about you texting.

“I’ll wait ‘til you’re done with your Tinder matching to review the timeline. He sat down and leaned back in one of the rolling conference room chairs.

“Sorry, just sending my another late night at the office text. I’m focused again. We can continue.” Your turned your phone face down on the table.

“Ah, boyfriend giving you crap for it? Or girlfriend? I shouldn’t have assumed.”

“He understands, I think. It’s just tough. Dating in this line of work is already difficult enough.” You shuffled the file folders in front of you, hoping Russell would take that as a hint to get back to the case.

“It definitely sucks. I honestly wish they included that in recruitment. Like an asterisk next to the marital status question that could read ‘don’t worry. The Bureau will take up your time, energy, and youth in lieu of a spouse.’ Your guy have banker’s hours or something ideal like that?”

“Russell, I think you missed your calling to be in HR” you said with a chuckle. “No banker’s hours, thankfully. He’s a lawyer, so he works long hours too.” It wasn’t an outright lie, you thought to yourself. Aaron is a lawyer and works long hours. Those long hours just aren’t spent preparing for court.

“You know, you can call me Tyler. We’re going to be working together for a bit and don’t have to be so formal.”

“Thanks. I never know who prefers what, so I default to last name.”

“Well, just please don’t reverse my name and start calling me Russell Tyler. That was a clerical mess I had to straighten out when I first started.”

“That sucks, Tyler. Now, do you have a timeline for us to review?”

“And she’s done with the small talk. Noted. Okay, where were we?”

Aaron seemed to be handling your limited availability as best as anyone could. At least, you thought he was until he dropped in for an unexpected visit one night…while you were working in Agent Russell’s office. You both looked up from your laptops when there was a knock at the door.

“Come in” Agent Russell told the visitor.

“SSA Russell, I apologize for the intrusion” Aaron spoke. It took everything you had to keep somewhat of a poker face.

“Aa…Agent Hotchner? How can we help?” You internally chided yourself for almost using his first name.

“Agent Y/L/N. Sorry, I didn’t realize you’d both be working this late. I was just going to drop off what my team found so far.”

Bullshit, you thought.

“Thank you, Agent Hotchner. I know our request probably was a tight time crunch, but you certainly didn’t have to deliver anything in person. I can imagine you’re slammed with other cases.” Agent Russell chimed in with the more professional version of what you were thinking. Why the hell are you here?

“Yes, I second that. I was keeping an eye out for an email from your tech analyst with anything she found.”

“Garcia might still send this over email. She printed a copy for me and I figured I’d drop one off under your door in case it’s helpful.” Aaron stepped forward to hand the inter office envelope to Agent Russell.

“Well, again, thank you very much for the report and extra effort” Russell said as he reached for the envelope. “Partner, what do you say we stop here for tonight? You can get home before closing arguments for a change.”

Aaron looked confused, but didn’t dare ask.

“Works for me. Tyler, I’ll see you tomorrow. Agent Hotchner, thanks again.”

You stopped by your work station to pack up. Thankfully, Aaron sensed better than to come find you there. You intended to ask him what the hell he was thinking, but for that exact reason you also knew you needed to cool down first.

Twenty minutes passed and you felt calm enough to stop by his office.

You knocked on his door. “Still here, huh?”

“Yeah, figured I’d wait to see if you stopped down.” He got up from his desk and made his way over to take you in his arms. “Hi, beautiful. I missed you.”

You kept him at arms length. “Yet, you just saw me. What was that all about?”

“What?” He looked back at you quizzically. “I figured I’d drop off the update.”

“Aaron…” you cocked your eyebrows at him in disbelief.

“Y/N…” he countered with a furrowed brow interrupted by a grin that snuck out.

You moved to sit down in one of the chairs in front of his desk. “Aaron…you’re the Unit Chief for god’s sake. You know that’s odd for you to just hand deliver a report Garcia emailed out.”

“I wear many hats here. I don’t think it’s that odd. I’ve handled the press stuff when JJ’s been on leave.”

“Fine. You know it’s risky for either of us to seek the other out at work. How did you know to come to Tyler’s office?” You looked back at him for an answer.

“I saw you weren’t at your desk and the conference room was empty when I walked by. Process of elimination. Since when is he Tyler?”

You couldn’t help chuckling to yourself.

“What?” Aaron pulled the other chair out from the front of his desk and took a seat near you.

“Since when are you the jealous type, babe?” You couldn’t hide your shit eating grin. The stoic Aaron Hotchner was jealous. Would the wonders never cease?

“Jealous? I am not-” he started, but you cut him off.

“Ohhh, you most certainly are. Aaron, we talked about this. You either trust me or you don’t.”

“Sweetheart, I absolutely trust you. I’m sorry if I made it seem like I didn’t.”

“I mean, what did you expect to find? That prick and I making out? Rolling on the floor? File folders scattered recklessly?”

“No, but now that image will be burned in my mind. You wouldn’t be reckless with your file folders though.”

“I’m not in a laughing place with this right now. You essentially spied on me tonight. Have I ever checked up on you like that?” You crossed your arms in front of you.

“Calling it spying might be a little over the top. You and your partner asked for my help. That’s what I gave you.” His tone grew stern. You really didn’t want to fight tonight. However, he needed to understand the issue here.

“That’s true, but it’s the undertone of distrust that concerns me. Have I ever done anything like that?”

He sighed and shifted in his seat. “No, you haven’t.”

“That’s right. I haven’t. I haven’t despite the times you randomly decided to stop talking to me, the times you’ve shut me out, or the time you had Penelope relay your warm regards to me rather than talking to me directly. Could I have had suspicion? Sure. I didn’t let it get to me because I trust you. Also, I knew that if I stooped to that you’d be bullshit.”

“Maybe” he said with a slight shrug.

“Try definitely. You may think I’m harping on this, but I’ve been in relationships where the trust wasn’t there. It’s never a good scene. I don’t want that to become us.”

“Y/N, I don’t want that either. I’m sorry. In the moment I don’t think I saw it as checking up on you, but I can see your point. I love you. I trust you with every part of my life and that’s something I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be able to feel with someone again.” He reached for your hand. When you gave it to him he gently pulled you closer until you took the hint to stand up. He held his arms out for you to sit on his lap, but you paused in front of him.

“Agent Hotchner, are you finished interfering in my investigation?” You put both hands on your hips.

“Yes, ma’am.” He could teach a master class in how to give pleading puppy dog eyes.

“Good” you replied as you plopped down into his lap. “Just so we’re clear…the only prick I want to make out with is you.”

“Ah” he said as he laughed. Then, he placed a soft kiss to your temple. “Clever, babe.”

Taglist: @itsmytimetoodream @rousethemouse and @hotch-meeeeeuppppp

#Criminal Minds Fanfiction #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotchner #hotch x reader #hotch fanfiction #aaron hotch x you

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causeilikelix · 1 year

Text

'Cause I Like You - Chapter Thirteen - Riding the Soundwaves - Two Years Later

↳ Pairing: Felix x OC / Hyunjin x OC (later)

↳ Genre: Romance, comedy, smut (eventual), slow burn, enemies (idiots) to friends (idiots) to lovers (probably still idiots), high school au, college au, non-idol au

↳ See Chapter One for summery and blanket warnings

↳ Chapter warnings: Like one (1) singular mention of being turned on

↳ Read on my A03: Here

↳ Notes: Sorry this took so long! School, work, you get it! The semester is over in two weeks and then I'm gonna write some more.

<- Chapter Twelve- Chapter Fourteen ->

“Good morning, KNU! You are listening to 90.5 The Art, based out of the Korean National University of Arts! I am your DJ for the next hour, Bbokdi. Welcome to the very first installment of my brand new show: ‘I Am Who?’ I hope we get along! You can follow me and interact with me on Kakao talk or Instagram at @Bbokdi_whoshow.

For this show I just wanted to spend some time with you lovely listeners, play some of my favorite songs these days, and do a couple of talking segments. I have a segment for anonymous confessions and a segment for messages you’d like to send to someone else! Seeing as it’s my first show, I asked a few of my friends to submit some for me to read. However, if you would like me to read something, please message me!

I don’t want to talk your ear off right off the bat, so I’m going to play one of my favorite songs. I’ve been listening to it pretty much non-stop all week so I’m excited to play it for you today. So let’s get started and please enjoy this incredible moving song by Day6, and my message to you! ‘Hi, Hello.’

...

Ah, wasn’t that lovely! Again that was a favorite of mine from Day6 called ‘Hi, Hello’. I hope you enjoyed it! Once again you’re listening to 90.5 The Art and I am DJ Bbokdi with my show “‘ Am Who?’

Let’s see, I really want to feel like I’m friends with all of you and I know that will come in time, but I wanted to introduce myself properly. I am a freshman here at KNU and I have always enjoyed music and production, so in an ideal world I will be studying that while here. Some of my favorite artists are Coldplay, NCT, Sam Smith, Macklemore, and of course Twice. So, you’ll likely hear a lot of them while listening to the show! If there’s anything else you want to know about me, please don’t hesitate to send me a message!

Without further ado, let’s get back to the music. I have a bunch of great songs lined up for this set including Bruno Mars, 2PM, and Imagine Dragons!”

~!~!~!~!~!~

“... and that was ‘Mirotic’ by TVXQ!. And honestly, what a classic. I admit that I do like some of the older K-pop, as it honestly did set the stage for K-pop as we know it today.

I hope you are all doing well with your midterms! I’ve been studying like crazy all day and all night. I thought the studying I did in high school was intense, but it’s nothing like that! I wish you all luck on your exam week!

We’re going to go into a quick break and then we’ll be back with your favorite segment: Secret Confessions!

...

And we’re back! You’re listening to me! DJ Bbokdi on 90.5 The Art out of Korea National University of Art. Now it’s time for ‘Secret Confessions’ where you guys send me anonymous messages on Kakao or Instagram and I read them over the air! Sometimes it’s nice to get it off your chest. This segment has really taken off since I started the show a few weeks ago! I’m so happy you guys like it. It makes me feel so warm inside.

Alright, first we have a confession from ‘In My Feels’. Well, we’re already off to a good start! They say: ‘I have had a crush on a boy in my class for the longest time and I feel like I’m in middle school all over again! We’re not in the same group for a project and I don’t know if he feels the same. I like him so much and I don’t know what to do. Help!’

Oh, we’ve all been there, I think. Honestly, it’s been so long since I’ve liked anyone like this so if anyone has any advice, please text it in and let’s see how we can help! I would suggest just talking to them and maybe asking about a concept you’re talking about in class. Make sure it’s something they seem to know a lot about. That way you can get them talking easily. It will make him feel good about being able to help you with something he knows a lot about and you feel good because you initiated an easy conversation.

Next, I have a message from ‘Dog Days.’ They say: ‘Yesterday it was my turn to walk the dog, but I was so tired from school that I paid my little brother to take the dog out instead while I took a nap. My mother got home from work a while later and thanked me for taking the dog out, but I never did! And I didn’t correct her.’

Wow, looks like you got away with it! I bet that feels great to say. Alright, let’s go ahead and play a song and we’ll be right back!

...

Welcome back! Inspired by the first message, I played ‘The Feels’ by Twice and I am unashamed to say I was dancing a little in the studio. It’s such a fun, high energy song and it always makes me feel warm when I listen to it.

The next confession I have is from ‘Bbokie Fan’. They say: ‘Sometimes I go through the radio archives and listen to your old shows to help me fall asleep. Your voice is so warm and calming and I could listen for hours!’ Well, thank you! Oh, that is so sweet of you to say! I hope you’re sleeping in a cold room or something cause I think if you’re sleeping somewhere warm and my voice makes you warm it might... I dunno, make it too warm? Well, anyway, you can look forward to more shows from me! Maybe I’ll play a few quieter songs to help you sleep better.

Next we’ll be hearing from ‘Rainbow’ who says: ‘I want to get this off my chest and I think you might be my safest option. I think I’m gay, and I don’t know how to tell my family. I’ve never had a girlfriend and I don’t want one. I’ve only ever liked boys, but I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’m too scared to tell anyone who I truly am.’

Wow, I’m honored that you told me! Of course, your secret is safe with me. I’ll be honest in return. I can go either way. I’ve liked both girls and boys but I’ve never told anyone about the boys before. Sorry to my friends who are just learning about this! But I don’t think it’s anything to be ashamed of. I think that if you don’t feel safe coming out to your family, wait until you are before saying anything. I know it’s tempting to scream it to the world, but your safety is the most important thing. I’m positive that one day you will find like minded people and you will find someone with whom you belong.

Oh, look. It looks like I have time for one more song before I have to sign off. Hmm... I wonder what I should play. Just kidding, I pre plan my playlists. Once again my name is DJ Bbokdi, thank you for listening to the show today! This is ‘Viva la Vida’ by Coldplay!”

~!~!~!~!~!~

“Guys I am just floored with the support you’re giving me! Just now my Instagram passed two thousand followers! I never would have imagined my show getting so popular in less than a semester, but I am very happy it did!

I have people saying they love the music I play, my advice, and how I sometimes whisper into the microphone. My best friend always says I have a good voice for radio, so I’m glad to be putting it to good use. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for saying such wonderful things!

Anyway, in the last few minutes I’ve gotten a bunch of questions that I want to answer for you, so we’re switching gears a little bit! I just got the question ‘do you have any pets?’ and the answer is unfortunately no. I would love to adopt a little kitten or a puppy, but I am about to move in with a couple of my friends in an apartment that does not allow pets. So maybe one day! Until then, I satiate my desire to have a pet by going to dog and cat cafes to cuddle with them there!

Someone also asked ‘What was your favorite memory from high school?’ and I had to think about it for a minute. I had so many great memories in high school. However, I would say this. In my junior year I transferred schools and I was worried about fitting in, but right away I ran into an old friend from primary school and from there I met many of the guys I consider my best friends today. So, I think I got lucky in that regard.

Ah! Sneaky! Someone asked what my real name is! I would have told you if I wanted you to know! I know you’re all so curious, but part of the fun is the anonymity. I know you all have so many more things you want to ask, but I’ve been talking forever. So, I think it’s time to play a song!

Honestly, I’ve been thinking about someone I knew in high school a lot. I’ve been missing them and wondering where they ended up. Whenever I think about high school I always think about this song. I used to listen to it every day on the bus ride in. It always motivated me to face the day, and I hope it can help you, too.

This is ‘Amsterdam’ by Imagine Dragons.

...

That last song we just heard was ‘Sugar We’re Goin Down’ by Fallout Boy. Truly, what a classic. I really like the era of music from about 2003 to 2010 with all of those boy bands like Fallout, Panic! At The Disco, Parachute... just to name a few.

Gosh, you guys are swarming me with so many questions! Today I’ve received more questions than confessions, so next week I’ll do an extra long confession segment and focus on questions today! You know I love sharing my thoughts with you guys.

This one reads ‘What did you think of Ali Gatie’s last album? Have you listened to it yet?’

Oh my gosh, of course I’ve listened to it! One of the songs is on my playlist for next week. I really think he has a unique take on...

...

... Which is why I think that is my favorite song off the album. Oh boy, I didn’t mean to talk your ears off about that for so long! We’re going to go through a quick little commercial break and then we’ll continue!

...

Welcome back! You are listening to “I Am Who?” with your favorite smooth-talking DJ Bbokdi! For those of you just joining us, I’ve decided to mostly just answer questions today instead of doing confessions, so I’ll be reading only confessions next week!

Just in, I got a very important question from number 3783, ‘Important! Please read! Are you dating anyone?’ Oh! Haha, I suppose I should have been expecting this question at some point. To be honest, no. I’ve gone on a few casual dates with people but I haven’t had a significant other since high school. I haven’t been terribly interested in dating, since I’ve mostly just been focusing on University!

Next I have a question from number 8236 asking, ‘DJ Bbokdi, what is your number one hobby on the weekends?’

Oh this is an easy one! Lately, when I have free time, I’ve been baking a lot! Last weekend I got to try out this incredible banana bread recipe and...

~!~!~!~!~!~

Welcome to the show! You are listening to 90.5 The Art and I am DJ Bbokdi. For today’s show, since earlier this semester I did a show all with questions and then later did one with all confessions, I figured we needed a show with all music.

You see, finals week is almost upon us and I know we all have a lot of studying to do. Myself included! So I’ve come up with a great relaxing playlist filled with slow songs and some Lo-Fi stuff to help you focus. I’ll pop in to say hello a few times, but for now let’s just enjoy the music!

Admittedly, this playlist was inspired by someone who I miss and hold dear to my heart, and wherever they are, I hope this brings them a little slice of joy. Our first song today is a favorite of theirs called ‘Kiss Me Slowly’ by Parachute. A part of me always knew they were romantic!

~!~!~!~!~!~

Welcome to the new semester at KNU! My name is DJ Bbokdi and you’re listening to ‘I Am Who?’ on 90.5 The Art.

Spring is in the air! Well, kind of. It’s still brutally cold since it’s only January but I’m honestly so excited because that means we only have two more months until cherry blossom season. I long for the warm weather and sunny days. I haven’t been on a decent bike ride in years so I hope to go this spring if I get the chance.

This semester, I have a lot of great things lined up for the show and I hope you love them as much as I do! This semester I’ll be incorporating some new things, like a mindfulness ASMR segment, where each show I’ll be reading out some phrases that will hopefully motivate you. I also have a really exciting show planned for Valentine's Day, so please be thinking about questions and confessions you want to send to me! If you send them now they’ll likely get lost, so just think about it and I’ll let you know when to send them!

Since it’s cold outside, I decided I wanted to share with you some warm and motivational songs to get you going. It’s so easy to let that seasonal depression get you into a rut. I get it, I’m the same way. So hopefully today my show will make you feel a little bit better.

This morning we’ll be starting off with ‘Like Ooh Aah’ from my favorite girl group, Twice!

...

Alright, that last song I played was ‘Red Flavor’ by Red Velvet. This playlist is so warm and wholesome. I hope that these songs are warming you up on this cold day. I think it might snow later, so be careful wherever you’re headed!

~!~!~!~!~!~

Good morning and welcome to the [Show] Valentine’s Day special with me! DJ Bbokdi! Today’s show will be composed of love songs, love confessions, and a few questions from you guys! Typically I avoid questions that get too personal, but I figured I would make an exception today since so many of you have been asking.

Today, we’re going to start right off with a beautiful love song to start the show! This is ‘No Other’ by Super Junior! What a classic!

...

Alright, that last song was ‘For Life’ by Exo. That winter tune made me tear up the first time I listened to it! My roommates made fun of me for it, but I don’t care a bit. It’s just so lovely and an incredible declaration of love.

Speaking of declarations of love, we have some lined up for our anonymous confessions! We have a really interesting one here from ‘Playing With Fire’. He says, ‘I like my dance partner. We’ve been paired together in our classes for the last two semesters and with every project I fall for her more and more. She’s beautiful, funny, and talented, and I can’t believe we’ve been so lucky to work together for so long. Luckily, I think our teachers see that we have chemistry, but I wonder if she sees it?’

Wow, you’ve got it bad, dude. Still, she sounds great and I’m happy for you! Hopefully you can get up the courage to confess. If I were you, I’d at least wait until the end of the semester. You don’t want ruined feelings to make things awkward!

Next I have a confession from ‘Chipmunk’. He says, ‘I’ve been with my girlfriend for two years now, but now I see that I don’t think I’ll ever want to be with anyone else. I want to wait until after we graduate to propose, but I don’t know if I have that kind of self control! I think we can wait that long.’

Oh, congratulations, Chipmunk! That’s so exciting! I hope that you can work with her to build a happy life together. Wow, all of these messages coming in are so happy and warm, I wish I could read them all to you!

Okay, last one before I play another song. This one is from ‘Lovestruck’. They say, ‘Mina-yah! I like you! If you like me back, meet me at our spot and accept my heart!’

How sweet! Mina-ssi, I think this was very brave of them so I hope you can give them a chance! Honestly, for me, it’s always so hard to confess to someone and I think I’ve let a lot of opportunities slip away because of it. So if they’re brave enough to tell you, especially over the radio, I think you could give them a chance.

Anyway, I’m going to play a few songs and go into a quick commercial break and I’ll be back in a few! Starting us off on this set is ‘You Really Are Beautiful’ by Choi Nak Ta!

...

Welcome back to ‘I Am Who?’ with DJ Bbokdi! For this Valentine’s Day special, I wanted to share a little more about myself. In general, I like to keep my identity secret and only a few of my friends know about the show. Especially now that the show is so popular, it’s just easier for me to keep my radio life and my school life separate. But today, because you’re all so lovely and kind to me, I’ve decided to answer a few of the more intimate frequently asked questions.

So! For the first question many of you have asked: ‘Tell us about your first kiss?’. Gosh, it was so long ago. I couldn’t have been older than twelve or thirteen. I remember I was at school, I went to a private Catholic school that was co-ed and one of the girls had a crush on me. This is so embarrassing, but even though I didn’t like her back I agreed to kiss her. So during lunch we went out to the yard and behind a tree and I gave her a little peck. Only a few seconds. It was so embarrassing I couldn’t talk to her for weeks!

Her crush on me went away after that, so I don’t know what that says about my kissing skills. I like to think they’ve improved but it’s not like anyone’s given me any feedback.

Anyways! The next one is... oh boy... ‘Who was your first love?’ This... this isn’t really an easy answer? I had my first love in high school but we knew each other before. She was incredible and pretty and, in hindsight, it was love at first sight. But it took me a while to realize I liked her. In any case, we weren’t close or anything and she liked someone else. She was a piece of work though, but it was fun sometimes. While I never confessed or anything, she made it extremely clear that she wanted nothing to do with me. Last I knew of her, she got accepted into medical school so I haven’t seen her since graduation.

I had a chat with all my friends the other day about this, actually. It was nice to reminisce and think about all the lovely, positive things about my first love. I don’t think I’ll ever see her again, but it’s nice to think about her and I genuinely hope she’s doing well.

Alright, last one before another break! You guys wanted to know if I like anyone now and the answer is... not really? I think I’m still hanging on to some residual feelings from my first love. Those are kind of hard to forget, you know? But anyways, maybe one day I’ll find someone I like. In the meantime, I have you guys!

Okay, for the next song I wanted to play some K.Will, a true romantic classic...

~!~!~!~!~!~

...

And that was ‘You Were Beautiful’! I’ve been listening to a lot of Day6 recently. I don’t know why, but their songs always hit the spot. The instrumentals are incredible and the lyrics are always so powerful. Honestly, I don’t know why I haven’t listened to them more. I used one of their songs as my first song last year, but at the time I hadn’t listened to much else, but I’m glad I listen to them now! One of my... um, friends, kind of... put me onto them indirectly and now I can’t get enough! They honestly don’t have a bad song, if I’m being honest...

I hope that these slower songs have been helping you prepare for midterms this week! I have literally three exams on Friday and I’m tired already. My wrist is killing me from all the writing and the revision I’ve been doing. I think I’ll do well, but who knows. I just hope I won’t fall asleep during my exam. Anyway, enough talking from me. I wanna make sure my voice is rested for the ASMR Affirmation segment here in a few songs!

This next one is from another artist I’ve only recently started listening to. You guys all know how much of a connoisseur of good music I am, so I always love discovering new music. I came across this completely by chance and I wanted to share it with you. This is a great track from LOONA, a group who is admittedly new to me. This is from their album [12:00], ‘Fall Again’...

...

Alright, the last song in that set was [Song] and while I’m loving all of these great songs, it’s time for ASMR Affirmations.

If you’re just joining the show for the first time, my friends all tell me I have a really nice, deep voice for doing stuff like this. Since I’m too embarrassed to release a proper ASMR Youtube series or something, I decided to do it in small bursts to work up my confidence. Since the theme of my show is generally positive, I want to share warm affirmations with you to help you get through the day. Without further ado, here we go, I’m going to whisper into the mic...

Today I will get everything done that I need to, and even if I don’t, tomorrow is another day.

I wake up every day and I do my best.

I am deliberate and afraid of nothing.

I am here for a reason and I will see it through to the end.

Failure is just another way to learn how to do the right thing.

You all are going so amazing on your exams and I am so proud of you for sticking it out even though it is hard.

Your dreams await you.

...

~!~!~!~!~!~

Thank you for tuning into [Show] with your favorite DJ, Bbokdi! I’m so thrilled to be back this semester!

Ladies and Gentlemen, it is an absolutely GORGEOUS day to start the new semester. Last year just whizzed right by and I can’t believe I’m already a sophomore! Honestly, I think the fall semester is often my favorite. Starting the semester when it's warm outside and the energy is high is my favorite. I have some great classes lined up this semester and I have some huge projects I’m working on and, honestly, I’m just loving my youth right now.

This show will continue on as it has. I will share my favorite songs, your confessions, answer questions, and do some warm affirmations to start your day! This morning, I’m just so excited so I want to start off with a bright, warm song that I’ve been obsessed with to get the mood right for the morning. This is ‘Shivers’ by Ed Sheeran, featuring Sunmi and Jessi!

...

And that was ‘The Way I Am’ by Charlie Puth! Hopefully, these songs are giving you the energy to start the day! I’ve been really motivated the last few days, so I want to share it with you! These songs have really inspired me recently.

I want to jump into a few of your confessions because I have some great ones that you guys sent in this morning. This is one from number ‘6348’:

‘I just moved away from my family to go to school here and follow my dream. They all said I would regret it, but I don’t. In fact, I don’t even miss them. I’ve never felt more at home.’

Oh wow, I’m so excited for you! It’s hard, I get that. My family and I moved to Seoul so my sisters and I could get a good education, but over the summer they moved back home to be closer to my grandparents. I miss them, but I know I belong here. So, maybe it’s not exactly the same but we’re definitely in a similar boat. I am so excited that you’re following your dreams! Here’s a confession from number ‘8234’:

‘I have a huge crush on my best friend but I’m so afraid to say anything and mess it up! We’re so compatible but for some reason, I can’t seem to take that extra step. I don’t want to ruin a good thing.’

I think we’ve all been there, Friend. At least, I have. I had a crush on my best friend when I was a freshman in high school I think? Anyways, I’m sorry you’re going through a tough time and I hope you can figure out what to do! If it gets too bad, I would consider talking to your friend and seeing what you can do to keep up a healthy relationship. Remember: communication is key!

Alright, last one for the day, we have a message from number ‘0392’:

‘I’ve been studying pretty much every day for years because my parents want me to succeed, but my secret is that I hate it. I don’t want to study for a while and just live my life. I barely was able to convince them to let me come to KNU but even now they want me to be the top student. I feel like my life has been completely taken over by textbooks and exams and I don’t see an end in sight... I feel so burned out.’

Oh wow, I’m sorry to hear that. Studying is hard and I am so proud of you for sticking with it even though you hate it. I hope that soon you can take a break or talk to your parents about letting you take a break. If you really have worked this hard, you deserve to take a rest. Now that I think about it, I had a friend, I say friend... she didn’t like me, but anyway, she was like this. She studied so much our senior year and she got so many nosebleeds from the stress. My friend, you need to prioritize your health above all else. That is what truly matters.

Also, this is your youth! You will never get these years back and it is so important for you to make the most of it and live your life to the fullest. I know that’s easier said than done but sometimes that just means closing your book and drinking your tea or coffee in silence, or sitting down and listening to your favorite song a million times, or going for a walk.

I believe in you!

...

Alright, that’s about all I have for the day, I have to get to class here soon. We listened to some great music and I have just posted my playlist on Twitter! Before I wrap up, I want to take care of some housekeeping!

As of tomorrow, I will be changing my Twitter handle to something a little more fitting so keep an eye open for that and...

...”

~!~!~!~!~!~

“GOOD MORNING? EARTH to Cha Eunbyeol!” Jiho tugged lightly at the earbud cord dangling from her best friend’s ear.

The girl in question sighed happily as she stared out across the bustling and busy quad. The sun warmed her skin and her favorite radio show warmed her heart. Jiho’s nagging was pure background noise as DJ Bbokdi whispered his final few affirmations of the day into her ear. His rich, smooth voice covered her like warm chocolate and she sighed again. Jiho rolled her eyes and muttered something Eunbyeol couldn’t hear, but it didn’t matter. Not when Bbokdi was talking. Who cared about anything else?

Her sophomore year at KNU was already off to a good start. Eunbyeol’s dance class yesterday went perfectly and she was aptly paired with her favorite dance partner for their final project. The other kids protested, knowing they would get a good grade that way but their professor pretended not to notice. She and Hwang Hyunjin met in her first dance class in college last year, and while they weren’t partners right away, they hit it off swimmingly. They helped each other with their routines and with the choreography their professor had them memorize. Then, during the spring semester they finally got paired together properly for a project and sparks flew. No other dance partner had ever complimented her the way he had. His dance style was distinct and skillful and Eunbyeol wondered why he even needed to take dance classes in the first place.

Eunbyeol only just barely managed to convince her parents that KNU was the place for her to be, and not Seoul National University. Human anatomy and organic chemistry didn’t interest her in the slightest, so she had to go after something she liked. No one except her was surprised when she got accepted into the school. She, Jiho, and Jisung all got their letters on the same day and they met in the library of their high school to open them. Eunbyeol, somehow, was lucky enough to get just enough of a scholarship to convince her parents.

And the rest was history.

She got good grades, had amazing friends, an adorable apartment with Jiho not far from campus, a perfect dance partner, and the warmest radio show to help her through the week. DJ Bbokdi rambled on about something that happened to him earlier this week and she chuckled at the anecdote but finally noticed Jiho pointing at her watch.

“What?” Eunbyeol tugged an earbud out of her ear.

“Don’t you have class?”

“Yeah, I have Fundamentals of Acting of all things at noon, but that’s not for a while.” Eunbyeol waved it off and went to put the earbud back in, but Bbokdi’s voice was rudely cut off by the shrill ringing of her phone. Hyunjin’s handsome profile picture popped up on her phone, alerting her of a call. It was a sweet picture they took together back in March during cherry blossom season. The pair of them smiled into the camera and Eunbyeol could forgive the interruption. “What’s up, Jinnie?”

“Where the fuck are you?” Hyunjin’s airy voice hissed into the phone and Eunbyeol jumped.

“What do you mean? I’m in the quad waiting for class?”

“We agreed to meet at the theater building so we could go in together and get a better chance at being partners for the semester.” Hyunjin’s pout could be heard through the phone.

“Yeah, and I’m going to go! Class isn’t for an hour.”

“You idiot! It’s literally 11:55 right now. Don’t tell me you were listening to that stupid radio show of yours again.”

“What! It’s not stupid! DJ Bbokdi really gets me! Today he played like three songs I’ve been obsessed with recently. Besides, I won’t be late, it’s only-” Eunbyeol checked the time on her phone. “Fuck!”

“I’m never going to speak to you again if I have to be stuck with some random person for the entire semester.”

“I thought Minho was taking this class, too?” Eunbyeol scrambled to gather her things, shoving her papers and books into her backpack unceremoniously while Jiho watched on.

“He had to switch out for his stage managing practicum. I think I have another friend who agreed to take it, but I don’t know if he got in! If that’s the case, I don’t want either of us to be stuck with some rando.” Hyunjin whined.

“Bye, Jiho-yah! I’ll see you at home!” Eunbyeol called to her friend, ignoring the ‘I told you so’ eyeroll that she was so famous for. “Relax, I’m on my way, I’ll be there soon.”

“It’s 11:56 now! If you’re late you owe me dinner. You’d better run!”

With nothing else, Hyunjin ended the call and Eunbyeol wasted no time in picking up the pace. While running she quickly navigated to the radio station app to see if Bbokdi ended his show yet. She fumbled as she ran, cussing under her breath the entire time. Eunbyeol shoved the earbud into her ear just in time to hear the last ten seconds.

“That’s it for me today, my friends! Be sure to tune into [Show] next week! Same time, same place. Now, I have to get to class. See you later!”

“Damn it...” Eunbyeol muttered, racing past the student center without getting the chance to peer in and see if she could see the mastermind at the switchboard.

Eunbyeol stumbled onto the radio show quite by accident. In her first semester, she’d found Jiho listening to it one day because Jisung recommended it to her. Something about DJ Bbokdi just made her heart all warm and before she knew it, she found herself listening every single week. He had the perfect voice for radio, smooth and enticing. And he was friendly and loving and such a wonderful person, truly the whole package. It was no wonder that most of the girls she met on campus always had something to say about DJ Bbokdi and his beautiful voice and beautiful personality. Surely, with a voice like that, he had to be good-looking.

The idea of being ‘just another fangirl’ was abhorrent and Eunbyeol winced at the mere thought. She wanted to be his friend somehow. He’d read a few of her confessions on-air and answered a question or two, but for some reason, it wasn’t enough. It didn’t feel like he was talking to her. Not exactly.

Eunbyeol couldn’t tell if the warmth in her chest was from the show this morning or the physical exertion of running down the path toward the theater building. She’d only agreed to take this stupid class for Hyunjin, who wanted it as one of his electives outside of his majors. The idiot was enrolled for two bachelor’s degrees and still found time to take asinine acting classes and he convinced her to do it with him. She needed a few electives herself, so she agreed. But... it wasn’t the only reason.

Her heart pounded as she made her way closer and closer to the building. She could see it, but he wasn’t standing outside. Hyunjin must have gone inside to secure a partner. The professor for this class did the same thing many professors did. They stuck you with a partner for a semester-long project where you had to equally contribute towards a mutual goal. It’s how she and Hyunjin got close, and how they wanted to stay close. Hyunjin was the perfect partner for her and she for him. It was no wonder why he wanted her to take this class with him. He didn’t want to be stuck with someone potentially unreliable. With that thought, Eunbyeol sped up.

Her phone pinged with a message and she winced, eyeing the preview on her screen as she ran. Hyunjin wasn’t going to wait for her to be late. Eunbyeol’s heart sank at the idea of running up to the building without seeing Hyunjin on the stairs. The only reason she ever liked being late was getting to see him waiting for her. She wished she could see that today: Hyunjin’s slender form leaning against a wall or a pillar and swiping aimlessly through his phone before looking up at her and smiling. She couldn’t decide what she would have missed more. The end of her radio show or her gorgeous best friend.

[Jinnie: Professor Min is beginning to dish out partners as a way of taking attendance. She hasn’t even read the syllabus yet. You’d better hurry!]

A new text from Hyunjin made her lungs claw for breath. Eunbyeol cussed under her breath as she started up the stairs toward the building. The theater building was tall and made of pristine glass. In the evenings, you could look in and see the sparkling chandeliers and ivory marble floors. Her senior showcase would be performed on the expansive stage and just the thought made the hair on the back of her neck stand to attention. She longed to leap and twirl on the hardwood under the lights.

She didn’t have time to stop and peer into the hall to appreciate the stage like she normally did. Eunbyeol wanted to dance there more than anything. Well, except for maybe getting to class on time.

[Jinnie: Just listen to your stupid radio show in the building next time... you’re too whipped for that guy.]

She would have to tell him off for that later. She didn’t have enough brain power to come up with a comeback, but thankfully she could give Hyunjin an earful after class. She wasn’t that whipped.

Eunbyeol gratefully rounded the corner and was glad to see the door to her classroom open. A few students hurried up and down the hallway to get to their respective classes, so at least she wasn’t alone. A boy several feet ahead of her slipped into her classroom and her heart swelled with a moment of camaraderie. At least she wouldn’t be the only one late to class. She glanced quickly at her watch to find that she was only three minutes late, so she might still be able to be partners with Hyunjin. Eunbyeol wasn’t sure she could survive this semester being partnered with anyone else.

“I’m sorry, Professor!” Eunbyeol gasped as she threw herself into the brightly lit classroom. She doubled over to suck in some deep breaths. “I lost track of time, please forgive me-”

“Look at that! It looks like you won’t have to be in a group of three. We’re back to an even number in the class!” Professor Min exclaimed, clasping her hands together.

Eunbyeol slowly straightened out and glanced through the room, her eyes finding Hyunjin as naturally as looking towards the light. Hyunjin sat near the back by the window and he stared at her with wide eyes. His jet-black hair was about as long as his chin but pulled back tastefully out of his eyes with a white ribbon. A few stray stands fell out to frame his slim face. His features were soft and elf-like, with a strong jawline and cheekbones but handsome eyes and lips. His thick eyebrows were furrowed together and he mouthed a few words at her through the classroom. She knew him well enough at this point to tell what he was saying.

“Where the hell were you, what happened?”

“Lost track of time! Who is that?”

Eunbyeol gestured vaguely to the random boy on Hyunjin’s left. He glanced over before scowling at Eunbyeol. She didn’t need to be told that the random kid was Hyunjin’s partner. She hoped he at least saved her a seat. Eunbyeol knew he’d be mad, but they’d have to talk about it after class.

“Oh, okay!” A voice at the front of the room exclaimed and Eunbyeol’s attention was ripped rather rudely from her best friend.

The boy who had slipped into the room before her stood at the front of the room by the professor. He wore a black hoodie, strange for the middle of August, and a black cap that had tufts of blond hair sticking out the bottom. His backpack sagged but his shoulders were straight and showed no strain from the weight. Something about him struck her as familiar, but she couldn’t seem to place him.

“Student? What is your name?” Professor Min, a tall and lithe woman with a long ponytail down her back, once again brought Eunbyeol’s attention back into the room.

“Ah... I’m Cha Eunbyeol.” she introduced herself with a deep bow, missing how the boy at the front tensed up the moment she spoke her name.

“Welcome Cha Eunbyeol! Please find a place to sit with your partner! Ah, please introduce yourselves.”

Eunbyeol rose back up just in time to have her world completely turned upside down. The blond boy turned around to greet her, his handsome face melting into a satisfied smirk that she knew all too well. She never thought in a million years that she would see him again after high school and, in fact, was banking on it. She wanted to forget her entire relationship with him but somehow, fate had brought them together again. She supposed it was her fault for not paying a lick of attention to him after the music video shoot before their senior year. How could she have known they chose the same goddamn university?

The boy took a step towards her and held his hand out to her. He stuffed his free hand into the pocket of his hoodie. Blond hair poked out of the cap he wore from all angles, curling around the back of his neck and flaring out around his perfectly shaped almond eyes. She almost wouldn’t have recognized him with the longer blond hair if she wasn’t hyper-aware of so many other parts of him. His soft hands, plush lips, perfectly angular nose and those beautiful freckles scattered along his cheeks.

If it wasn’t for his signature smirk and the obnoxious nickname he called her, she might not have recognized him at all. When he spoke, Eunbyeol’s jaw dropped and she found herself stuck to her place on the floor. His voice somehow got even lower and it reverberated through her and went right to the empty space between her legs.

“Hello, nice to meet you, Sweetheart.” He whispered the name under his breath so just she could hear it. “I’m Lee Felix. Let’s get along, shall we?”

Oh no... he got hot. Really, really hot.

~!~!~!~!~!~

EUNBYEOL TRIED TO pay attention to the syllabus in front of her, but she’d heard all of the boring stuff before. The professor droned on about things like classroom policy, school policy, and plagiarism for several minutes and Eunbyeol convinced herself that was why she wasn’t paying attention.

Same shit, different day.

Same shit, same guy, different day... different school. Eunbyeol’s jaw set as the thought about the unbelievably hot blond-haired boy sitting next to her. Thankfully, Hyunjin put his backpack on the seat to his right so she could sit there.

Hwang Hyunjin: Her dance partner, the most beautiful man she’d ever seen, her best friend, her crush. Whenever she saw him her heart leaped into her throat and she couldn’t believe that he actually liked her too. Even if he didn’t like her in a romantic sense, he liked her enough to hang out with her all the time and seek out being her partner for class projects. In fact, aside from Jiho, Eunbyeol thought she spent most of her time with Hyunjin and he spent most of his time with her. Not only that, but he was the best dance partner she’d ever had in her life. It was almost movie-like and stereotypical how well they worked with each other, most of the time predicting the other’s moves way before they did them.

“It’s your fault we’re like this.” Hyunjin leaned over to whisper in her ear.

“I know!” Eunbyeol wanted to scream, but she kept her voice as a harsh whisper. “You don’t have to remind me.”

“I would have been happy with either of you but now I have neither? Ridiculous.” Hyunjin rolled his eyes and leaned away, leaving Eunbyeol to wonder what he meant. She didn’t have time to ask before the professor finally spoke up about the project.

“Alright, and now the project!” Professor Min began. “You’ll see the details in the syllabus, but here’s the gist. Your final project will be a pair scene that we work on all semester. You have a couple of weeks to read a bunch of scenes and one-acts. Ideally, your performance will be between ten and twenty minutes. By the third week of class you will have chosen a scene with your partner, by midterms you will perform it once for the class and we will spend a few weeks workshopping each piece. Then, your final exam will be performing your piece at a showcase in the Black Box theater.”

“Oh god, are you sure you wanna take this class?” Eunbyeol whispered to Hyunjin, swallowing the lump in her throat.

“Of course I do. Come on, it’ll be fine!” He responded with a glint in his eye.

“In the meantime, while you all are working on your scenes, you will be doing weekly exercises with your partner.” Professor Min continued and the class groaned at her words. Everyone except... Lee fucking Felix. “These exercises will be in the most important thing you can have with anyone: trust. We will be doing various trust-building exercises in class and out of class for the next sixteen weeks. Every week I expect you to complete one of them and submit a reflection by Sunday at 11:59 pm. While I have some plans for in-class things, there is also a list of things you could do with your partner on the syllabus. There are more than sixteen so you are welcome to do more than that for a few points of extra credit. By the way, that will be the only extra credit I offer this semester. With that, let’s get into the grade breakdown...”

Eunbyeol flipped through to the page that listed all of the things she would have to do. Her eyes widened at the extensive list and nausea bubbled up within her at the thought of doing these things with Lee Felix. Hold hands for thirty minutes... stare into each other's eyes for twenty minutes... cook a meal together... read to each other...

What is this bullshit?

She glanced over at Felix who, like her, was perusing the list. However, he had a delighted smile plastered onto his soft features, making his eyes sparkle in the bright natural light. Felix, the last person Eunbyeol expected to see much less be paired with, looked over at her and balanced his chin with the palm of his hand. He smiled warmly at her. Her heart flip-flopped in her chest.

How obnoxious... ly hot.

“Alright, class. I am going to pass out your first pair assignment now.” Professor Min handed a stack of paper to a student in the front, who took one and passed it down. “On this page, there are three questions you’re going to ask your partner. Simple things, nothing too much. Write down their answers and on the back write a brief paragraph about first impressions. Once you’re done, you can leave for the day and we will start learning about genres in the next class. If you have any questions let me know.”

The room burst into conversation immediately. Eunbyeol glanced over at Hyunjin to see about talking to him instead of her partner, but he seemed to be invested in his. Eunbyeol then turned to look at Felix, who was already looking her up and down with an obnoxiously perfect smile on his face. Slowly, Felix leaned forward to whisper in her ear, sending chills down her spine involuntarily.

“I can’t wait to work on this project with you! I’m sure we’ll have a great time.” Felix shot her a wink and she scowled in response.

“As if!”

“Come on, it’s the perfect chance to catch up. We haven’t seen each other since high school!”

“Yes, and there is a very good reason for that.” Eunbyeol hissed.

“Here-” Felix produced a pen out of his bag and leaned over to scribble something on her syllabus. She tried to wrench her papers away from him, but his veiny hand kept them in place effortlessly. “When you decide you’d like to do well in this class, shoot me a text. Or, actually... you should give me your number, you probably won’t text me first.”

“What?” Eunbyeol blinked in surprise when Felix tilted his pen toward her and moved his syllabus closer.

“Sweetheart, like I’m sure you’re thinking right now, we’re stuck doing this together. Some of these dumb exercises are things we have to pre-plan, so we should talk about what we want to do. If you won’t give it to me, I’ll just get it from Hyunjin.” Felix rolled his eyes, taking a page from the stack handed to him before offering it to her. She took a page and passed it over her shoulder to Hyunjin. She didn’t miss how Hyunjin’s long fingers brushed over her own. “God, these questions are dumb. Let’s get this over with.”

“Fuck this,” Eunbyeol muttered, grabbing a pen from her backpack. She leaned over and wrote her digits on his paper before huffing and looking at the page. After reading the questions, she glanced up at Felix.

In high school, his eyes seemed to shimmer in the light and it was no different now. However, it was somewhat reassuring that he wasn’t exactly thrilled to see her either. On that, at least, Eunbyeol knew they could agree. Felix rolled his eyes, leaned back in his chair, and read off the first question to her. He ran his tongue along the inside of his cheek in annoyance. He glanced over the page at her and heaved a sigh.

Why is he hot even when he’s mad?!

“This is gonna be a long fucking semester, isn’t it?”

~!~!~!~!~!~

“Student Name: Cha Eunbyeol.

Partner Name: Lee Felix

Question 1: Why are you taking this class?

Answer: My (our?) best friend asked him to take it. It’s not in his major, but he said he didn’t want to be alone. They’re not partners now so I guess it didn’t work out.

Question 2: Three interesting facts about yourself?

Answer: One... He likes nutella toast way too much, I think it’s a problem. Two, he’s a music production major. Three, his favorite color is black.

Question 3: What is it that you hope to get out of this class?

Answer: Of course, he said friendship. He loves meeting new people and learning new things and he really thinks that this class will help him to learn how to develop relationships and work with difficult people to work towards a common goal.

Reflection: Professor, PLEASE let me switch partners. If anyone else is unhappy with their partner, I will HAPPILY switch with them. I know all of this is about trust but I wouldn’t even trust Lee Felix to spell his own name correctly, much less do the work. I do not like him and I don’t think we will be a good fit for this project. I’m scared of what will happen if I’m associated with him. What if... what if I don’t hate him?”

“Wow, Eunbyeol-ssi, it sounds like you have to learn to trust people a little more! The fact that you and him seem to clash is the exact reason I do this project every semester. Stick it out and all will be well! -Professor Min”

“Student Name: Lee Felix

Partner Name: Cha Eunbyeol

Question 1: Why are you taking this class?

Answer: Her best friend (also my best friend! Small world!) Hyunjin wanted her to take it so they could be partners for the project. They actually work well together. Also... this fills an elective requirement.

Question 2: Three interesting facts about yourself?

Answer: One: She hates the color black, she prefers blue. Two: She’s at KNU on a scholarship and if she drops this class, she’ll probably lose it. So, lucky for me Eunbyeol is stuck here. Three: She really likes to dance. (I knew that already, but she wouldn’t change her answer.)

Question 3: What is it that you hope to get out of this class:

Answer: She hopes to get out of this class alive. (Sorry, she didn’t give me a better answer before she left.)

Reflection: Honestly, we knew each other in high school but she hasn’t changed much. She likes things done her way and she really doesn’t like me. Unfortunately for her, I think she’s great and I’m super excited to get to work with her on this. I really hope that some of these trust exercises will help bring us a little closer together. If anything, I just want to be her friend. Chances are, she’ll be dramatic about it for a few weeks and then she’ll do it.”

“Felix-ssi, you have your hands full! Normally I wouldn’t share this, but she asked to switch partners. If things were bad, I would allow it. However, it sounds to me like you really care for her and you want to put in the work to do the project and to build your relationship with Eunbyeol. I’ll be rooting for you! -Professor Min”

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umichenginabroad · 12 days

Text

Madrid Week 11: Basque-ing in Nature

Hola a todxs! Niko here, back again with week 11 (writing this during week 12 oops [I had a huge databases project that I grinded on all of last week, expect a double blog week soon]) of studying abroad in Madrid!! I’ve got a little over a month and a half left in Madrid. Near the beginning of the semester, I mentioned a VSauce video about time that I enjoyed a lot. Recently in my culture class, we discussed the same concepts. Upon reflection, I think that I’m experiencing time in an incredibly ideal way.

What do I mean? Time flies by fast. It feels like weeks go by in the blink of an eye. Last week, what seems like yesterday, it was March, and now we’re already halfway through April. Time flies when you’re having fun, and I think that much is true. I’m having a blast, experiencing a new world every week, and as a consequence, I’m not thinking about time as it passes. It doesn’t drag; It goes by quickly.

But I’m still in lecture every week. And two of my classes (the engineering ones) are oftentimes unbearably boring. I feel time pass when I’m sitting in those chairs waiting for the time to go home. My life during the week is simple: go to class, cook meals, go to cafes to study. But on the weekends, I’m traveling across Spain and Europe, meeting new people, partying, the list goes on. So it’s kind of like a long-short time sandwich. I get to experience time dragging on in the moment, and I also get to experience it flying by. And, because the exciting experiences happen regularly and frequently, weekends fill up huge blocks in my memories that make it feel like I’ve been here for years. I would say that “it feels like just yesterday that I stepped foot off the plane” but no, it really doesn’t. It feels like an eternity ago, truly.

So, I’m kind of milking time for nearly all that it’s worth, which I think is a W. We’ve only got so much of it in this life. Anyways, there goes my bi-monthly rant on time. Hopefully it didn’t drag on too much. Or hopefully it did. Or both. 🙂

Anyways, last weekend, I learned a very important lesson. Two of my roommates (Eli, Max) and a close friend (Jack) rented a car (#JeepTrailhawk) and took a trip up to Northern Spain (Please don't mind the terribly cheesy title), splitting our time between Basque cities and Spain’s best national park. The lesson? As much as I love cities — incredible amalgamations of culture, humanity and energy — I’ll never experience the same type of awe and amazement looking out over a skyline as I do gazing upon a range of staggeringly huge snow capped mountains. Let’s talk about the trip:

Gatzetelugatxwho?

We set out from Madrid late Thursday evening. After a short-lived yet intense fiasco with google maps sending us in a couple of loops around Madrid after someone (the driver) (Max) missed a couple of turns, we were on the highway headed North. We had about 4 hours of driving until we reached Bilbao, where we had rented an Airbnb for the night. It was a pretty drive — Madrid is surrounded by a beautiful Sierra not even 30 minutes outside of the center. We arrived at our Airbnb (which was situated in a weird liminal space-ish neighborhood) and crashed, ready to tackle the morning task: Gatztelugatxe.

Huh? Yes, I was as confused as you probably are the first time I read that word. Especially the tx, which is pronounced as ch in Euskera, the mysterious language of the Basque people that has no known origin or connection to any modern tongue. It looks and sounds weird, and in the Basque country you’ll see it everywhere. It almost feels like it could have been spoken in some far off kingdom in Game of Thrones.

Speaking of, we went to Dragonstone, AKA Gatztelugatxe. Shout out whoever the location scout was for those scenes, because they absolutely killed it. The site was beautiful, and I think the pictures will speak for themselves.

After that, we drove a few more hours to San Sebastian and explored. The energy was incredible. Sunny weather, beautiful city side beach, Burnt Basque cheesecake, calming sunset and delicious food (pintxos = tapas in Euskera!). There’s not much more that I can say other than the fact that simply walking around and taking it all in was an absolute joy.

We proceeded to drive 4 hours west that evening to our second stop of the weekend: Picos de Europa national park (driving quickly through Bilbao, which has a really cool modern architectural style). We arrived at our Airbnb in the pitch black around 12 am, stumbled our way inside, cooked a comically oversized dinner (1.5 kg of pasta is too much for 4 people btw) and prepared for our big hike the next day.

The Hike

We woke up bright and early (it was like 10am) Saturday morning, ready for the 7.5 mile, 3000 foot climb ahead of us. I’d done a 13 miler with a similar increase in elevation once before in the Texan desert (Marufo Vega trail in Big Bend, highly recommend), so I wasn’t too concerned with the difficulty — only with whether we picked a worthwhile trail. I was silly for underestimating “Lon - Río Burón - Peña de Mañimoco”.

We started by driving into a tiny town in the national park, parking on the side of the road and setting off into a dirt trail that winded shallowly up the mountain. At this point, I was unimpressed. Most of our view of the mountain ahead of us was blocked by trees, and the path felt too well kept to be the basis of the true rugged backcountry experience I desired. Jokingly, we pointed to the top of the mountain we were hiking towards when we got to a clearing, asking damn, wouldn’t it be crazy if we went up there.

Yeah, it would have been crazy, but I guess 3000 feet is not to be underestimated, especially if you start at 1000. The paved trail split off into a smaller one once we broke through the treeline, which split off into a gravel shoot winding up the ridge of the mountain we had joked about a mile or two earlier. The wind started picking up, threatening to throw us off the mountain at any second as we climbed higher and higher (it was seriously intense wind. Jumping up, we actually caught a little extra airtime).

Each switchback revealed a view of the mountain and the valley below that was more stunning than the last. We passed through a huge diversity of different terrains, each so distinct they felt like Minecraft biomes stitched together. We even happened upon a herd of domesticated cows (which we were terrified of passing out of fear that they would attempt to butt us off the face of the mountain... we thought they were wild at first). At one point, we came across a meadow that looked like it came straight out of a studio Ghibli movie. We quite literally frolicked in the grass as another hiker (the only other person we saw on the trail) watched us from behind a tree, hiding from the wind. We talked to that guy later, we called him the Wind Wizard.

On this hike, I felt something reminiscent of the feeling I got as a 6 year old playing imagination games in the basement of my childhood home — unashamedly wide-eyed excitement. Looking out over the Picos de Europa (literally, the peaks of Europe) I couldn’t help but smile. This is the feeling I mentioned at the beginning of this blog that I think I can only experience whilst totally immersed in nature. At its core, it’s rooted in mindfulness and gratitude for the present moment -- something that I try to practice as much as possible in my everyday life.

However, the reason this trip ended up being one of my favorites I’ve taken so far wasn’t just for the things that I saw — it was for the people that I spent it with. As much as I enjoy the independence and exploration of solo-traveling, I think that experiencing new things with trusted friends will almost always be more enjoyable. Being rooted in that feeling of wonder with others makes it feel more exciting, more significant, more real — both while it’s happening, and in the memories that stay with us forever.

We finished the hike with a steep decline down the mountain and ended up back at the car, where we drove into the larger town and got some drinks at a local cafe (where they had original craft beers on tap, and where I tasted the best Vermouth I've ever had). We left our airbnb early the next morning, but not before buying a block of cheese from the local Queseria (which was also absolutely fire). En fin, this was one of the most beautiful and rewarding hikes I've ever done, rivaled only by the aforementioned Marufo Vega. I think we chose well!

So, my key takeaways from this trip? Nature is awesome, and so is experiencing it (and life in general) with other people. At the end of the day, we’re just really smart animals who evolved (in nature) to be biased towards social behavior, so I guess that makes sense (#evolutionarypsychology?). I’ll be in the Bay Area this summer for an internship, and I’m really excited to go backpacking over the weekends in all of the epic nature that surrounds the area, meeting new people along the way.

Here's the itinerary list for this week's trip:

Basque Country Google Maps List

That’s all for this week’s blog! As always, check out the picture descriptions for a little more info. Thank you all very much for reading, and I’ll see y’all next week 🙂

Adios,

Niko Economos

Aerospace Engineering

Universidad Carlos III de Madrid

Madrid, Spain

[email protected]

#UmichEnginAbroad #IPEUC3M #NikoEconomos #IPEWinter24 #Spain

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jimblejamblewritings · 2 years

Text

it just sort of... happened | part 5.

Summary: After Hogwarts is turned upside down after Harry Potter started attending, a new normal DADA professor seems like a Godsend.

Warnings for the Series: age gap age gap age gap (however reader is of age because anything under deserves jail time no exceptions). student-teacher relationship. slow burn because obviously. smut at some point. honestly nothing else. forbidden love trope BUT ONCE AGAIN of age reader

Pairing: remus lupin x reader eventually, professor!remus x student!reader

Word Count: 6.3k

Previous Part | (Series Masterlist)

Three Broomsticks became a new grading spot for you and Lupin. It wasn’t ideal for super hard exams but it was fine for easier homework. While he tended to stick to his whiskey, Remus had no problem recommending the different drinks for you. Elf-made wine and butterbeer with an extra shot was your favorite so far.

“How do you sit through some of these?” You laughed as you marked someone’s paper with a D.

“You never graded a paper by Marcus Flint. Although your last paper wasn’t that good if I remember.”

“Give me a break, Moony, I still got an A.”

“Which I’ve never given you before. If the workload is too much, I can take some stuff ba—”

“No!” You yelled a bit too loud thanks to the alcohol, ducking your head when other patrons looked over. “No, sorry, the work is fine. I just… read the wrong chapter.”

“I’m sorry, what? You’re mumbling.”

“I read the wrong chapter. I don’t know. I ended up writing down chapter fourteen instead of eleven and didn’t realize it until we were already in class.”

“Okay,” Lupin took your glass. “No more drinking for you.”

“I wasn’t tipsy, just wasn’t paying enough attention.”

Remus gave you a look but slid your drink back over to you. He finished the essay in front of him before looking out the window with a sigh. It was time for him to retire to his office before the full moon came out. He thanked you again for making the wolfsbane— no matter how much he tried, it wasn’t a potion he had any proficiency in brewing.

“You will have to give me the play by play of the champion picking,” he said as he stood up.

“I’ll make sure it’s even better than Lee’s quidditch commentary.”

“Mmm, I don’t know if anyone can beat Mr. Jordan’s comments.”

With a final goodbye, you were left alone in Three Broomsticks to finish your lunch. It wasn’t like the moon was coming up right away but Remus took extra precautions to be locked up in his office a lot earlier than needed. You stop by tomorrow morning before your own classes to check on him and write his lesson plans on the board. It was a bit nerve-wracking. Because last month’s moon nights fell on the weekend, Remus was perfectly fine on Monday. Now, it was going to be three days during the actual week. You were taking over his afternoon classes because of it. He had perfect faith that you would do just fine but you weren’t so sure.

You tried to cast those thoughts aside as you made it to the Hufflepuff table for the Halloween dinner. Elbowing Cedric in the ribs, you were greeted by him with an absentminded kiss to the top of your head. If your eyes could roll any harder then they would.

“Will you stop making googly eyes at Cho if you aren’t actually going to ask her out. It’s starting to get embarrassing being seen with you.”

You heard a faint scoff escape his lips even though it seemed like he wasn’t paying attention to you. “I’m not… You know what, fuck you.”

“For telling the truth?”

“For being a pain in my ass. How was assistanting, did you see the grade I got?”

“EE.”

“I’ll take it.”

The two of you fell into a natural rhythm of conversation, occasionally bringing your other friends into it. The entire hall seemed alive, especially with the Durmstrang and Beauxbatons students finding pockets of Hogwarts people to cling onto. The school had never felt properly full before and you were going to be kind of sad when the others had to go back at the end of the year.

The feast was cleared away and the goblet was rolled out. Everyone’s attention perked up for the main event. The blue flames shot up high, turning red as they did, until a single paper fluttered out.

“And the Durmstrang champion,” Dumbledore began to read out. “Viktor Krum.”

The roars from the tables couldn’t have been any louder. You couldn’t blame the man for standing up and reveling in the applause. You imagined for him that this must have been an exciting new challenge since he was already on top of the world as one of the best seekers alive. Fleur Delacour also enjoyed the applause when her name was announced. None of the tension could build up any more than when it was time for the Hogwarts champion to be announced.

“Cedric Diggory.”

You screamed in delight and threw your arms around his neck. Shouts of “Cedric” rang through the hall. Hufflepuff on a whole was the most enthusiastic. Your House was never seen as the coolest but now you got to boast the Hogwarts champion for the Triwizard Tournament. The hall quieted when the goblet seemed to come to life again. You watched Dumbledore’s face pale.

“Harry Potter.”

Your head immediately turned to stare at the young boy at the Gryffindor table. Harry seemed just as shocked as everyone else that his name was called. You weren’t sure if that brought you comfort or worry. Because if he was shocked and confused then how did his name get in the goblet?

Without another thought, you raced up to your office. There had to be something somewhere in one of the textbooks about legally binding magic with underage wizards. Your feet froze in place at seeing the large werewolf curled up on the office floor. Remus lifted his head passively. He tried to stay low to the ground as he backed himself into a corner of the office. You weren’t supposed to be here. What could have happened in the few hours he was away that would have you willingly entered his office? You weren’t scared of Lupin, you meant it. The nightmares had ended before school began. But his werewolf was a completely different thing.

“I-I n-n-need— Harry’s name. Goblet,” you stuttered out.

The werewolf’s ears perked up. Remus was of no use in his current form so he turned his back on you to try and make you more comfortable. He could hear all the noise behind him as you looked through textbook after textbook, finding nothing of use. You slammed the last book on Remus’ desk.

“Damn! It’s legal, it’s all legal, he has to compete… That kid’s gonna die.”

Dejected, you walked to Cedric’s room. He was still annoyed that The Chosen One had upstaged him but he understood after you explained that you didn’t think the boy did it on purpose. Cedric drew patterns on your back, lingering on the skin exposed by your pajama tank top. You rested your head in the crook of his neck and enjoyed the comfort. There was nothing you could really do for Harry so you couldn’t dwell on it.

“You know,” you murmured into Cedric’s neck. “You could definitely ask Cho out now that you’re a champion. You should do it after the first task.”

“What if I lose the first task?”

“Wait and see?”

“Alright, alright, yeah. If I place first or second then I’ll ask out Cho… Can you find out what she lik—”

“Her favorite flowers are daisies and pink roses. Don’t bring up unicorns because Roger Davies always took her on dates to a unicorn farm. Her favorite drink is frozen butterbeer even in winter, she loves the blueberry strudel especially from Madam Puddifoot’s. She doesn’t read a lot because she likes attending plays— muggle and wizard kind. She’s a Libra and she thinks her eyes are the prettiest so you better compliment those. Oh and her favorite animal is a hedgehog. Although Marcie says porcupines sometimes take the top spot every few months.”

“Did I mention I love you?”

“What would you do without me? You literally know nothing about women.”

“That’s not true.”

“Can you remember a single ex-girlfriend’s favorite flower?”

“Uhh… Well I can remember other things.”

“Sure you can.”

Cedric moved so you were forced to look him directly in the eyes.

“Your favorite flowers are tulips. You’re obsessed with American lemonade, your favorite book changes every time you read a new one and right now it’s that Gatsby book. You’re a Scorpio and you know your lips are the most attractive part of you. Your favorite animal is our child Bennett and nothing comes above that cat except for lambs. And your favorite color is sparkles because you can’t pick a favorite. See, I know everything about you.”

You pushed him over, making him the little spoon. “Ooh, one woman. You know everything about one woman who you’ve never even kissed, I’m so impressed.”

“I’d kick you out but I actually kind of like being the little spoon.”

A short, sharp laugh escaped your throat before you settled your head against his back.

While the Triwizard Tournament seemed like fun at first, you were starting to hate it. Reporters were everywhere. And one woman got on your nerves the most. You were thankful that Harry took class with Moody and not Remus because it was bad enough that the reporter tried to hang around the classroom to snap pictures of Cedric. It felt impossible to help Lupin and even harder to teach some classes yourself. It was even worse in Potions. Snape slammed the door in the woman’s face before returning to his lesson.

“I normally do this to entertain you all on Valentine’s Day but we are doing something special with the other schools so I’ve moved the lesson to the only free time available.”

Everyone got excited. The Amortentia gossip went around each year on Valentine’s Day. What people smelled and who those smells might belong to spread through the castle like wildfire. Unless you knew intimately what someone else seemed to always be around or have that scent, it was just gossip. You already had some guesses for your classmates.

The real question that everyone was already wondering about was if the Amortentia smell that Angelina said belonged to Fred or George. They were probably the only group of friends that got talked about more than you and Cedric. Only you knew for a fact that they liked each other. You jumped off of your stool and strolled to the front when it was your turn. Leaning your face over the cauldron, you took in a nice sniff.

“Broom cleaner, chlorine, and snow cone syrup.”

Cedric was up next. “Butterbeer, chlorine, and—”

You looked up to see your friend dying in hysterics.

“Sorry, sorry. Butterbeer, chlorine, and Bennett.”

Professor Snape’s eyebrows scrunched. “What is a Bennett?”

“My cat,” you said through laughter.

“Uh, our cat. He smells like muggle laundry soap.”

Fred leaned over the table behind you as Cedric started walking back. “Matching patronuses, now each other’s smells. Something you want to tell us?”

“You act like us loving each other is some big secret.”

Cedric laughed as he watched Fred miming strangling you. It didn’t take long for you and Cedric’s Amortentia to spread through the school. McGonagall and Remus looked at all the other teachers in satisfaction that they would win the bet. While Remus didn’t care to gossip about students in his first year, he did care in his second year. Plus, you were more his assistant than his student. It looked like he and Minnie would be getting that nice bottle of wine that was on the line. He didn’t say anything when you were studying in your shared office.

“Moony, how dangerous do you think the competition is going to be?”

“Harry will be fine.”

Remus watched you set your books down and start to pace. He ignored it at first until you refused to sit back down. The amused look on his face started to mix with a bit of concern. You didn’t seem like you would stop at any moment. Remus stood up and crossed the room to stand in front of you. He settled his hands on both of your shoulders and gently pushed you until you were walking backwards and forced to sit on his desk.

“Stop worrying. He’s a smart kid with smart friends.”

“You haven’t seen him in school as long as I have.”

“It’s nice you care a lot about him.”

“He’s like a little brother to me. I just can’t see him hurt, he already goes through so much.”

“He will be fine,” Remus tried to reassure you.

You kept trying to tell yourself that as you went down to the tent where the champions were before the first task. You practically threw yourself at Cedric when you found him. He patted your back, other hand resting on your waist.

“Don’t worry about me, it’s just… a dragon.”

His eyes shut in annoyance as you both heard the snap of a camera just as he kissed the top of your head. Rita Skeeter was literally the bane of your existence. You gave your friend one last hug before clambering into the stands to cheer him on. He wasn’t completely wrong but he wasn’t completely right to tell you not to worry. He grabbed his golden egg with no problem but had gotten hurt in the process. You had seen him hurt in quidditch plenty of times before and a few of those were worse than this injury. But any idea of a dragon worried you.

Cedric on the other hand was fairly satisfied as the golden egg that screamed whenever it was opened rested on top of his dresser. It was starting to seem like a Godsend that the next task was after the break because neither of you had any clue how to start solving the puzzle.

“What do you even think we’re doing in between the tasks?” Cedric asked as he came out of his bathroom, roughly drying his hair with a towel.

“Probably something to bring all the schools together. It’s actually been a lot of fun having them here. There’s a few Beauxbatons girls that study with us in the library.”

“Yeah, I actually trained a bit with Krum. His workout is insane.” He settled in next to you, under the blanket.

You cuddled into his side with a sigh. “I’m going to miss this when you ask out Cho. Lucky you still get someone to cuddle with.”

“You’ve got Bennett.”

“Oh, please, we both know he likes you better.”

“I’m sure we’ll find you a new cuddle partner in no time.”

You hummed in agreement before closing your eyes to find sleep. In the morning, you found out exactly what was happening between the tasks. The entirety of Hufflepuffs year four through seven was gathered into some room on one of the abandoned floors. Professor Sprout announced with a lot of delight that there was a Yule Ball. Mixes of despair and excitement echoed throughout the room. On one hand, the prospect of a ball was exciting. On the other hand, the idea of getting a date was a nightmare.

There was an unspoken agreement that since this wasn’t explicitly a girls-ask-guys dance, none of the girls really wanted to ask. Which meant the fear of either not being chosen for a date or the fear of having to put on big girl panties and be the one to ask which might actually be more embarrassing if you become the only one who has to do that. You leaned over to whisper in Cedric’s ear.

“Perfect time to ask her. Then ask her out at the end of the night.”

“Just what I was thinking.”

With his Yule Ball date squared away, the only question was your date. It was something that you had ignored earlier in the year but now it kind of crept back up in your mind. Cedric still got a lot of attention this year. You noticed that yours had dropped, not just significantly, but to zero. The scars on your arm had healed. Everything else hadn’t.

You didn’t want to say that they were the reason for the sudden lack of interest but it felt like they were. The one on your face just stuck out no matter what. You tried not to look at it in mirrors and just live as if they didn’t exist. But now it was hard to ignore.

You were starting to worry that your fears were correct the closer the date of the ball came. Cedric asked Cho who obviously said yes. Lots of guys had asked other girls out. All of your roommates were asked out by Durmstrang or Beauxbatons boys except for Aggie who was going with her girlfriend. With the thought that you might be dateless, you started thinking about how to make the best dress possible. Your legs were thrown over the armchair in the office as you flipped through muggle and wizard catalogs for a dress.

“What about this one? Minnie thought it was nice.” You held up a muggle prom dress catalog.

Remus was surprised that he was even entertaining you but it was better than seeing you mope about a lack of date. He had a sneaking suspicion that he was the reason why even if you tried to act like the scars either weren’t there or weren’t caused by him.

“What about the blue one in that other book that you were looking at?”

“I heard that Hannah Abbott bought that dress which means absolutely not.”

“No?”

“Moony, I’m not getting a date so this dress not only needs to be fabulous but needs to be completely unique.”

“You might still get a date.”

“There’s a very limited pool of sixth and seventh year men that are into women. The fifth years are all too intimidated to ask out someone older and the fourth years are like babies to me. I mean I’d go if one of them was brave enough to ask but everyone knows after balls are after parties and that’s the real in—”

“Ah! Ah, ah, ah, don’t want to hear it. Do not want to hear about any of that. Just keep showing me dresses.”

You chuckled and held up another one. McGonagall didn’t mind knowing all the tea about students that you had to give. Remus definitely still cared about not needing to hear everything. You dog-eared a bunch of pages with dresses that might be the perfect option. Remus gave you a fake smile when you announced that your picking of dresses was nowhere near over.

He wasn’t sure when he got roped into such a task. You weren’t sure either considering you didn’t actually think he could dress. But you just valued his opinion, wanting to hear it even if you weren’t going to use it. So even if he picked the ugliest dress imaginable, you would still dog-ear the page despite no intention to buy it.

You showed some of the dresses that you and Remus picked to Cedric and your roommates during Study Hall. As long as you weren’t talking too loudly, Snape didn’t seem to care that none of you were doing work. He only strolled over once to see if you were grading any of his Slytherins and to double check that Remus didn’t give you any of your friends’ papers.

You blinked in surprise when a crumpled up ball of parchment paper hit you in the face. The paper landed pathetically on your dress catalog. You opened it in confusion when you saw nothing written down. The moment your eyes looked up, you found a bunch of Gryffindors staring at you intently. Your favorite little fourth years were staring intensely. You seemed to catch on when you caught Ron’s eyes flitting from you to George constantly. You rested your chin on your hand and tilted your head as you looked at George. The goofy charades to ask you to the ball were hard not to laugh at.

Even if he wasn’t your friend, you would have nodded your head yes in an instant. Having a date made you instantly perk up. Cedric gave a wink to George in thanks and appreciation. He would have asked you, even if that meant not going with Cho, but he knew that would make you feel worse. In the end, you had a lovely date, and most importantly a sparkly dress that made all of your roommates gasp.

“Alright, let’s go.”

You met Cho and her friends who were waiting at the barrels outside your common room to be let in. She followed you, Beatrice, Magnolia, Aggie, and her girlfriend straight to Cedric’s room. You leaned against the doorway.

“Wow, Mr. Diggory, looking dapper. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you clean up this nice for a girl before. Now, get out, please and thank you.”

“Excuse me?” He watched you usher all the girls in. “Wait, what is happening?”

“Remember I said we were using your room to get ready. Come on, you have a private bathroom, please. Girls, puppy dog faces. Please!”

“Fine, fine. I’m leaving.”

“Thank you!” You called as he walked away.

The privacy of Cedric’s room allowed you and the girls to enjoy getting ready. Steam rolled out of the shower as the prefect’s bathroom counter became covered in various makeup compacts. Cho and her friends seemed to enjoy talking with you and your roommates. You could see the Ravenclaw start to relax the more you all got ready together. This was nothing new to you but it was still nice to see her open up to you, especially body language wise. You and Cedric had a set routine of befriending or at least being friendly with each other’s future significant partners. It was to make them more comfortable with how close your relationship was. You felt it especially necessary after the Amortentia class.

“Turn that up,” you encouraged Cho when a song you liked that she chose came on.

Getting ready took significantly longer than it should have because none of you had the ability to only get dressed. You jumped with joy as you made your way to the Great Hall. Ever the gentleman, George offered an arm and escorted you into the ballroom. You gave Cedric a little wave before entering with the other students that weren’t champions.

The professors watched all the students enter the hall, most with dates. It was expected that a lot of the fourth years didn’t have dates but their attention was caught by the few sixth and seventh years that came with no one. You were one of the shockers. The first surprise was when they heard Mr. Diggory hadn’t asked you. The second was you saying yes to George. Remus snorted into his drink.

He remembered how you came back to the office shortly after being asked and after a brief visit to McGonagall. You were now adamant about having the best dress ever and wouldn’t let him rest until you had only three options to choose from. The dress you chose was your second favorite if he remembered correctly. No, it was your first favorite. Something about sparkles which if Remus was honest he didn’t understand at all. Sparkles weren’t a color so how could they be someone’s favorite? You were hesitant about it because it was strapless which meant the scars you could hide with the uniform would finally be seen.

He would always be sorry about the incident but Remus thought you had nothing to worry about. You were gorgeous with or without them. And your dress just enhanced that beauty as you smiled with your friends.

He was momentarily revolted with himself, eyes quickly averting. Whatever he was thinking surely couldn’t have been his true thoughts. He simply meant you looked as sweet and lovely as the other young women and girls at the ball. It was nice as a professor to see his students let go of the stress of school and doll themselves up to their desire simply to have fun and be happy. That was all he meant. That had to have been all he meant.

George was a great date. You kind of already knew that would be the case. He was one of your friends after all. The two of you were tearing up the dance floor with lots of laughter to accompany your moves. You were sure that you would have enjoyed the Yule Ball without a date but it was fun to dance to the slow songs instead of sitting awkwardly on the sides. It only got better when The Weird Sisters came out. Hogwarts, Durmstrang, and Beauxbatons truly felt like one giant school with how much you all were having fun and mingling with each other.

The more he found himself watching you, Remus realized he needed to leave. At least momentarily, just for some air. What he was thinking was so over the line that he couldn’t believe himself. His mind kept screaming at whatever part of his brain was still trying to argue that you were pretty.

She’s our student

And colleague

Absolutely not. I’m her professor

What? She’s an adult.

The fact that we even have to think that means we know there’s a problem. She hasn’t been an adult for terribly long

And?

And I am her professor!

It’s not like we knew her when she was a first year or even a fourth year, that would be wildly inappropriate.

That would? But not this?

Is our age really the problem?

What?

Is that or are we scared? We’ve always cut off our relationships because of our condition.

That can be discussed after we talk about the first problem. Y/N is no—

What if she likes us back? She hangs out in our office for much longer than necessary and likes going to the pub with us.

Oh, please, Remus. Pull yourself together!

He stumbled back a little when he saw you sitting on the ledge of one of the windowed archways. You jumped up abruptly to stand in front of him, seeming to block something from his sight.

“Moony! You look very dapper in the new robes. You should wear more dress robes in class.”

“Thank you, (Y/N). Your dress is very nice.”

“Thanks. How are you, shouldn’t you be having fun at the dance? Chaperoning and all th—”

“You should stop trying to lie, you’re shit at it.”

You deflated. “I’m not, you just caught me off guard ‘s all.”

Almost like he had forgotten about his entire mental argument, Remus moved to lean against the ledge that you had been previously sitting on. “What am I pretending not to notice?”

“I, nothi—”

“Y/N, I’ve seen that look on Sirius and James’ faces enough times to know trouble.”

“George is just going to the bathroom, so is Fred.”

“The bathroom right there or…”

“The bathrooms in Slytherin.”

Remus just sighed but left it at that. You watched him take a sip of his drink that was in all the flasks the professors had been holding. You were positive once you saw Professor Moody had passed them out and only the house-elves were refilling them that all the flasks contained alcohol. The real question was what type? Remus cocked an eyebrow as you made grabby hands at his flask. With a slight roll of his eyes, he took a final sip and passed it to you. You gave him a cheeky grin that for once he wished you didn’t aim in his direction. There was a reason he was your favorite staff member in all of Hogwarts— aside from Hagrid who let you go with him into the Forbidden Forest just to try and find unicorns.

But Remus was a close second, if not tied for first. He let you do what you wanted… as long as it wasn’t illegal. You suspected that he must have been the same way during his Hogwarts years with the other marauders. A breath hitched in your throat when you noticed his eyebrow still raised as he watched you put the flask to your lips. You weren’t sure why. He had done it plenty of times before, whether to you or other staff or other students.

It was just the atmosphere of the dance. It had to be. Of course the snow outside and all the fancy outfits painted Remus in a very romantic light. You internally gasped at the thought that came from nowhere and quickly drank some of the alcohol in the flask. Remus laughed when your face scrunched up and you handed the flask back.

“You could have warned me it was whiskey. I thought it was just some of the punch but spiked.”

“Sorry,” he responded rather apathetically as you moved to stand next to him. “How much longer are you on lookout?”

“Why?”

Remus scoffed. “Didn’t I just say I was going to act like I didn’t see anything. Minnie makes rounds in fifteen minutes, Karkaroff in twenty-five.”

“To make sure students don’t sneak away? Because I’ve already seen like four couples, you guys are doing a poor job.”

“More like letting you all think you’re getting away with your fun. It’s one dance, we’re more invested in making sure all the young students don’t sneak out or find any alcohol we know you all have on you.”

“Oh… well, George said it was kind of elaborate but they’ve been gone for a minute. They’ll probably be back in ten minutes or so.”

“It’s nice to see you enjoying yourself.”

“Mmm hmm, George has actually been a pretty nice date. I mean he’s my friend so of course it was nice but— I don’t know. Do you get what I mean, Moony?”

“He’s treating you as if it’s not just a friend date.”

“Yeah! It’s nice, especially since I thought I wouldn’t even have a date.”

“You didn’t actually believe that, did you?” Remus looked at you as you shrugged.

“I’m not an idiot. Part of the reason people think Ced and I are hot is because we’re confident, I haven’t exactly been that this year. I’m still getting used to seeing myself with this.” You gestured to the scars. “Most people think they’re ugly too. A date to this ball isn’t like the Halloween or Valentine’s dance. This is a vanity game.”

“They aren’t ugly.”

Your eyes widened. “Moony, I didn’t mean scars are ugly. I’m just— my—”

“Y/N, I didn’t think you were talking about all of them. It still doesn’t change my stance. Yours are fine, still delicate somehow. Nothing like mine.” He closed his eyes as your fingers touched one of the scars on his face.

“Yours are perfect. They don’t take away how handsome you are or how nice you are. They don’t mean anything, just a part of you.”

You looked at where his jaw clenched underneath your fingers. Even his side profile was handsome as he just breathed under your touch, his mouth in a hard line. It wouldn’t hurt if he smiled more. You loved his smile— the one that he always showed when you two were grading papers in Three Broomsticks. Without any thought, you reached up to kiss the scar that you had just been touching. The smile you liked slowly plastered itself on Remus’ face. He turned his head to look at you. His free hand gently traced your chin and turned your head a bit. He kissed the base of the scar on your face.

“Yours is a part of you too,” he murmured, lips still grazing your skin. “You’re still beautiful.”

Remus kissed the scar again before leaning down a little more to press a simple kiss to your lips. The lingering taste of the fruit punch was on your lips. Your hand reached up once again to rest against the side of his face, wanting to deepen the kiss. You had plenty of experiences snogging before but this one was different. There was extra experience with Remus. He wasn’t in a rush. You gasped a bit as his hand went to caress your waist, the sound making you both aware, pulling away with a vengeance.

Remus cleared his throat and looked away while you wiped at your lips as if that would get rid of what had just happened moments ago. He did the same when he found it in himself to move again. You two just looked at each other. Both of your mouths opened and closed, unsure of what to say or do.

“I’m going to go find George,” you said quietly.

Remus nodded. “You should go find George.”

As if summoned, the redhead and his twin appeared in the hallway. George started talking about the prank before suddenly shutting up at seeing Remus, trying to act as if he didn’t just admit to breaking into Slytherin with Fred. You pulled at his hand.

“I’m tired of the dance. My room?”

The twin blinked. “Wait, for real? You wan—”

“Just kiss me, George.”

“Gladly.”

A hand gripped your waist while another gripped the side of your face as his lips smashed against yours. Your fingers almost faltered at the smoothness of his skin, choosing to tangle in his robes instead. George laughed as Fred gagged and said to get a room. Remus, under the guise that he was pretending not to see what you were doing and wouldn’t punish any of you, put the flask back to his lips as he started to walk back to the hall. Fred followed behind him, while you and George went towards Hufflepuff.

Cedric came in many hours later, a bit surprised to see you in his room and completely changed out of your dance attire.

“Heard from Weasley number two that you left with George. I thought you’d be with him.”

“Is Cho with you?” You moved to look behind him.

“No, I walked her to Ravenclaw.”

“Oh, good, I need you right now.” You flopped back onto the bed. “I sent George back a little before you came in.”

Cedric nodded as he closed his door. He started taking off his robes to change into pajamas when he paused and looked at you with a scrunched up face.

“Was he in here? You did change the sheets af—”

“Oh, I didn’t fuck in your bed! And of course I would have changed the sheets.”

“Okay, then.” Cedric laid next to you, pulling you into his arms. “What’s up?”

“I kissed Professor Lupin… I snogged Professor Lupin.”

Your friend almost shot up. “You what?!”

“Don’t make me repeat it.”

“Did he force you becau—”

“No! No, it was nothing like that. I actually kissed him first.”

“Y/N.”

“I know, I know.”

“I mean,” Cedric started trying to rationalize. “Your parents have the same age gap. Your mum’s older than your dad by almost as much as Professor Lupin is you. I guess it’s not too bad?”

“You can say it. I snogged our professor like he was some seventh year boy because I’m an idiot.”

“Yeah, pretty much… Did he kiss back? Merlin, he kissed back! Did you like it?”

You looked up at Cedric before dropping your head on his chest with a groan. “I can’t like it.”

He patted your back. “Well, I will support whatever you do.”

“You will?”

“We’re both adults, as long as your choices aren’t hurting anyone, especially you, I’ll support you.”

Cedric was already playing his supporting role to perfection. He waited outside the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom despite it being the morning after the dance and everyone else was still asleep or waiting for the special breakfast. You stopped yourself from knocking on the door. You had never knocked before. Remus’ eyes passively looked up when his office door was opened before he shot to his feet when he noticed it was you.

“Y/N,” he stuttered out. “Um, do you want tea or are you here for the grading papers?”

“Both.”

“Good, both.”

You sat in the arm chair behind your desk, graciously accepting the tea. Remus went back to his own desk. The slurps between the two of you were obnoxiously loud. You still looked beautiful to him and he still looked handsome to you. Neither was willing to say anything, to break the tension. You both knew with one word that you would go into irreversible territory with dangerous consequences if the path is veered off of for even a moment. Remus set his cup down first.

“Last night, what we did was…”

“Inappropriate.” You answered.

“Yes. I would like to apologize for even making an advance in your direction. That was recklessly out of line for me to do. I know our relations— work partnership makes things a bit different between us but I am still your professor so I’m sorry for kissing you.”

“I’m also sorry for encouraging it… I think maybe we shouldn’t have tea over the break.”

“That might be best.” Remus leaned over to take a box from his desk drawer. “Since we aren’t meeting for Christmas, I should give this to you now. It was just a present I prepared last month for my assistant.”

You pulled your own gift for him out of your bag. “I did the same, buy you a present last month.”

The two of you were careful not to brush fingers as you exchanged the gifts. Remus held up the little box.

“Thank you, Y/N. I’ll see you after the break.”

“I’ll get these papers graded and see you after winter break, Professor.”

Remus hung his head down to get back to work as you walked out of the office. Both of you tilted your head when out of each other’s company, wanting to go to the other and say something else. Instead, you both let the thoughts pass and continued on your day prepping to go home for the holidays.

(Part 6)

#remus lupin x black!reader #remus lupin x reader

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