#( seriously so long i'm so sorry )

[chirpsythismorning]

The Vanishing of BLANK Wheeler

I wanted to make a list, from least likely to most likely, for which Wheeler I think is going to go missing.

But I also wanted to give a little disclaimer first, that even if these titles are real, they could still be fake, or could even possibly change given how much time we still have until s5 actually premieres.

For s2-3, the Duffers literally released official promo videos announcing episode titles for their upcoming season, with some of them changing when the season finally premiered.

Like in the case of s3 for example, they dropped a s3 episode promo video only a day after they completed filming. Meaning them titling 3x06 The Birthday, made absolutely no sense. They knew they didn't film anything birthday related for that episode. So they intentionally gave that one a fake name.

In the case of s4, that was the first time they promoted an upcoming season without giving fake titles, with the s4 promo announcing them following through with what we ended up with when s4 finally dropped.

I guess I sort of assumed s5 would follow in s4's footsteps, but from a leak standpoint, it might be smart to remember that fake titles are still a possiblity regardless. Especially in this case, where it's getting to the point in production where leaks are unavoidable. And so that might even explain why they play with this idea of fake episodes, which is because they can rest easy knowing leaks will mostly consist of half fake titles they planted there.

But for the sake of this post, lets humor the title for episode 2.

For starters, it's worth noting that the person who shared this leak originally said 'BLANK wheeler'. So as far as I know, they did not give any number of letters via underscores (_) to hint at who this Wheeler could possibly be. It's when ST news accounts caught wind of the leak and started rolling out posts, replacing BLANK with 5 underscores, that led a lot of fans to assume that the Wheeler had to have 5 letters in their name, which would have obviously ruled out Ted and Mike. But since all the Wheeler's are still on the table based on the original leak, they will all be included in this list.

5. Ted Wheeler

Believe it or not, there is something that I think actually warrants considering Ted as a possiblity.

There were some posts @stranger-chichka made a while back, comparing visual parallels between Stranger Things and Chernobyl, which could be hinting at this concept of Ted being in danger.

TBH though I think Ted being in danger or ending up dead is a possiblity regardless of him actually being the missing Wheeler.

Technically speaking, quite literally no one on the show is ruled out from being in danger at this point, so that's not saying much.

And considering the show is going to need to kill off some people next season and they are insistent on not killing any of their leads, supporting characters amongst the ranks have a high risk at being taken out. The emotional connection for Ted from the audience isn't as strong as other characters, but at least him being in close relation to a few main characters is something? I mean, he's funny I guess?

Quite frankly I don't think it's likely nor do I think it would actually make sense narratively for Ted to be the one to go missing out of all of them. I think it's a lot more likely they'd just kill him off, hence the Chernobyl parallels which imply he's gonna die. And so wasting time by having him go missing, only to kill him, just doesn't track. I think they'd just get that over with without dragging it out for very long, if anything.

Can you just imagine someone on the show shouting emotionally, It's Dad (Ted). He's gone.' Like, okay... And? I have a hard time imagining the characters being in serious turmoil over this, at least not enough for it to warrant like final season stakes amongst a bunch of other crazy shit happening. At best, the characters would be indifferently guilty for getting him roped into all this.

So yeah, I really don't see it happening.

4. Nancy Wheeler

I honestly feel like Nancy is even less likely to go missing than Ted, but the un-seriousness of an episode titled The Vanishing of Ted Wheeler is so astronomical, that I really had no choice but to put him last.

The reason I think Nancy is just very unlikely to go missing is because they technically already had her go missing as a cliffhanger between Vol 1 and 2 last season. It would just fall flat if they repeated something along those lines, with that same character, 3 episodes later. Vecna could have killed her and yet he didn't. His point was to send her a message, which was why he did what he did and then released her. The choice to target Nancy and taunt her about her family's safety in the first place, felt like their attempt at foreshadowing the danger that is to come for all of them, but one specifically. One of them that is not her. Which will make this moment back in s4 feel a lot more impactful upon rewatches.

So yeah, not feeling like Nancy is very likely.

3. Karen Wheeler

Karen is sort of a hard nut to crack all around. In the case that she is somehow connected to the Creels (Alice), anything is possible in terms of not only her being targeted, but again the entire family being at risk in some capacity. Without much to go off of outside of the obvious very haphazard timeline confusion, I feel like putting her somewhere in the middle. She was given a poster for s4. If she is Alice, then yeah it would make sense to target her. The stakes are also a lot stronger in comparison to Ted, because she was the parent in the family that actually came to Mike or Nancy and told them verbally that she wanted them to open up to her and is actually shown trying on several occasions. Whereas Ted is sort of just there when he's on screen. So the characters' distress would be a lot more dire and interesting to see unfold amongst everyone.

I also remember there being a leak in relation to Karen, Holly, Mike and Nancy all being at the hospital filming. And this was also like a day or so after ST dropped a video of Cara saying she was filming that day to hype up fans. So that leak did check out on the Karen front at least. Which puts her at the hospital at some point, potentially along with the rest of the Wheelers. Now that I'm thinking about it though, this could all fit with a Ted Wheeler death...

At this point, I'm sort of like indifferent to the possiblity, but it's still more likely than Ted and Nancy to me.

2. Holly Wheeler

It all goes back to s1, when Karen was visiting the Byers to console Joyce after Will went missing, when Holly sort of ventures off to Will's room, being guided by the lights, and sees the demogorgan in the wall.

I feel like people overlook this moment too, because it's kind of crazy that Holly has seen UD shit for herself. She was young enough that she could rule it out as just imagining things. And that could be partly the case even if she is skeptical.

There is something about Holly that makes her curious and sort of open to this world that most around her have no idea exists. And yet simultaneously some of the people closest to her do know about it and could easily clue her in when the time comes to do so, and because of that, I think she would probably be able to believe it all a lot faster than others.

Maybe this is a story where things need to happen and it just always ends up this way, but she has this tendency to be included in things that feel very important. Like in s4 with her playing with the lite-brite, and how that ended up being used to communicate with the others in the UD. There's this almost clairvoyance vibe about her. Her feeling the need to follow the Christmas lights to Will's room and her noticing and then fixating on the trees in s3.

Like I said, I don't know if it's something deeper, but it very well could be in the case she is connected to the Creels.

And while that is all somewhat compelling, at the same time it also feels very convoluted. Even if the Wheelers are Creels, I don't think that means the Wheelers would have powers, given that Henry got them when he was a child, meaning none of his family could have gotten them unless they too were taken in by the lab at some point, or were born with it.

Though I'm being full serious when I say the theories about Mike having time powers or maybe just manifestations from his emotions connected to the powers of others around him is one of my favorite theories of all time. I want it to happen. It would be cool. But that just opens the door to all of the Wheelers in my opinion, assuming his time powers came from being related to Henry. And if it was done that way, I feel like it would add way too much confusion to the story, where now all the Wheelers are gonna need to have powers, and then as a result would just takes away from the uniqueness that is already associated with Henry, El and potentially Will. One person potentially having powers without us knowing until the end aka Will, is enough honestly. Adding the Wheelers to the mix might be a bit much.

I'm also not totally convinced of the Wheeler's being Creels, and yet I also can't seem to want to rule it out entirely. But the prospects of Holly having powers or some sort of ability and just going through the same thing as Will when he was young and unaware of his powers, who is just now finding out the truth about his experiences... It just feels like serious whiplash honestly, when they haven't spent much of any time on Holly up to this point.

Like what are the stakes here exactly? What makes her disappearance and what that would look like compelling, on her front specifically? Because sure, I can see it being compelling watching the perspective of those around her reacting to this, what they would do to try to save her and all that, but what does that mean for her exactly? Are we going to see what she's doing? Are they going to hide it from us like they did with Will and then have to spend even more time uncovering it later on. And what does she even gain from being alone and taunted by Vecna presumably? What does the audience gain from witnessing that sort of event? There isn't a lot of story to explore there, outside of maybe making direct parallels to Will in s1? And then wouldn't that sort of take away from the importance of Will's role in it all just now being uncovered, if it all just repeats for Holly?

Which brings me to something that I see a lot of people using as strong evidence for why it has to be Holly, which is the fact that they recast her character.

What I think people are failing to consider is the fact that the twins who were cast to play Holly originally, were like 3-4 years old while filming s1. They weren't just kid actors, they were damn near baby actors. And while I know a big part of the reason why they gave Holly such few lines over the years was because the actors were aging way faster than the character they played, I think another factor could have been the fact that their acting experience is near nothing outside of Stranger Things, which is also pretty little on its own as well given that they have very few lines on the show.

It's not at all uncommon for child actors, let alone toddler actors to leave the industry once they start getting older. It could be for personal reasons, like wanting to explore other ventures, or it could be that they just don't perform as well with all the added expectations that come with acting as a character who is a kid with a lot of lines vs. a baby with 2 lines.

The girls got cast because at the time, they were able to perform as well as a 3 year old possibly could and would be expected to be in that role. But does that skill carry forth as they grew older? When now they have to deliver full sentences and carry conversations for scenes that are longer than 5 minutes? They've never really had to do that up to this point. Is it something that they feel comfortable with doing? Is their performance believable and is it something the writers feel confident about?

Honestly, I think they might have recast Holly, not because I think she is going to be targeted and focused on as this missing person they have to find, going through a near identical situation to 11 year old Will, but because they simply want her to be more apart of the story in general. And maybe because either the twins and/or the production didn't feel that they would be able to perform it in the way that they wanted it to be done.

And I mean, even if Holly isn't the one to go missing, one of the Wheelers is going to go missing based on this leak. If it was one of her parents, she would get a lot more scenes than she has in the past. If it was one of her siblings, again it would make sense for her to be more involved with the story. No matter what she is going to have a bigger role.

So no I don't think her being recast is as strong enough of proof as some might believe. If anything I think there is much stronger evidence that, like Karen, if they are related to the Creels, Holly is as fair game as any of them. The stakes could be high because she i such s a child. And her parents and Nancy and Mike worrying about her seems like something they would obviously do because she is so innocent and completely ill-equipped to endure something like that. But like I said, I just can't picture an focus like that on her, for her character, being very compelling given that Holly isn't really someone that needs like alone time with us witnessing it...

But there is one Wheeler left, and boy oh boy would he benefit from being alone.

1. Mike Wheeler

The most simple explanation for why it makes sense for it to be Mike, is that he genuinely benefits more than anyone when it comes to being alone with his thoughts, and with the audience watching. There's a lot of stuff dude has to work through in his own head, and since they haven't really let us have a moment alone with him that isn't under ten seconds since s3, an episode or two dedicated to making that a priority would make him coming back and things building up to the end, feel a lot more earned.

The audience needs to feel confident about how Mike feels about things. It can't be a guessing game for much longer when so many different factors are involved.

And while I think Mike may be the strongest possiblity in terms of the value it would add to the overall story is compelling enough to put him at number 1, the evidence supporting it happening is even stronger.

If we want to be crazy we can go back to the beginning. Plenty of fans have already speculated about how Mike is always late at the start of every season and how that might play into the beginning of season 5 again. I made a post about this recently and speculated it would happen one last time around the 15 minute mark. And maybe I was wrong... but maybe I was also right? Because if the second episode is called The Vanishing of Mike Wheeler, it's likely Mike's fate wouldn't be confirmed by the opening of 5x01, but in fact the closing scene of 5x01.

Throughout the show Mike plays a key role in leading the others, he's even referred to as 'the key' in s3 by Hopper. You know this show and their keys, they don't joke about that sort of thing. It's likely that Mike's story and what it is leading to is going to be central to how all of this ends.

Also in s3, there is one scene in particular that I think could be hinting at Mike being targeted, along with the s4 main poster with all of the characters. In the poster, we see El at the top, with Max and Mike as near equals on each side of her. Of course their roles are central and that's a fair layout on it's own arguably, but the equal-ness provided to Mike and Max feels very intentional. While she is slightly bigger than Mike in the frame, that could be a hint in regards to her being central now in s4, with Mike joining the mix alongside her in s5. Honestly, they could have made it so these two were beside other characters that also played a huge role in s4, and yet they chose those two to give a specific focus to. I think that is interesting (and probably intentional).

But if I'm being honest, there are so many moments in s4 specifically that hint at Mike being in danger, that I will not be able to include it all in detail in this post. So I'm going to link those below and then build off of some of it with some new details I've recovered that are worth re-contextualizing again with all of this in mind.

Hints regarding Mike and Will being targets of the town, but Mike specifically being focused on after the word 'missing' is said...

I'm gonna expand on this one because I think it's important to recognize the massive curtain in the background as this is all happening. And I vaguely reference this concept here as well which is worth checking out. But not is this whole concept of the curtain pretty blatant in this episode, this scene of the town all fleeing to hunt down hellfire club, is followed directly after, by this:

Notice how Mike is nearly always central in these moments? And how what follows feels eerily similar to what is about to go down at the end of s4 aka Suzie = Mike.

Now, this has already been talked about plenty so I won't go into detail, but... based on everything else happening surrounding this, this would apply to Mike in the sense that not only is he not in love with El, he's gay and in love with Will aka a boy. A BOY!

And then this mention of 'the terrible truth'. This word has been used like 3 times in the last few minutes. First intensely during Jason's speech about a terrible truth, with Ted and Karen being focused on with the Mike and Will extra in the background.

But what is even more crazy is that what follows sort of seals the deal for me that, this IS about Mike and it's foreshadowing what is about to come in s5.

5:02... 5x02!!!!

Also peep the watch and the letter from Dustin under it... I don't want to speculate but lettergate is looking extra relevant within all of this as well...

And to close off this point, lets show the shot that follows directly after this one.

Then later in the season, after Nancy is back from being taken by Vecna, here we have this long and emotional pause before she says Mike's name, last after her mom and Holly.

If they wrote and filmed this scene, knowing Mike would be the Wheeler missing early s5, it would make sense for them to list off the characters like this.

Mike peeking in the frame at this moment is not suspicious at all...

If it wasn't enough that Jason hyped up the whole town to see the Hellfire club as their enemy responsible for all of this, here we have a focus on Mike specifically being targeted by Jason.

The Duffer's statement about the show overall in the Piggyback script, and I gotta say it fits Mike a lot more than any of the other Wheelers.

Mike is a Paladin. And when they break an oath, they might spend an all-night vigil as a sign of penitence... aka everything is going to come to a head and Mike is going to be alone dealing with this shit for a bit, until he can come back ready to face it.

And I know it's controversial, but this post explains perfectly why Mike being central to this would make the show go full circle in a really compelling way.

Mike hasn't really unpacked...

Karen lookalike standing in front of the missing persons board. Could be any one of them but still, considering the costume of this extra looks closer to what Karen was wearing when she reunited and hugged Mike... I'm gonna put it more so with him.

Mike's guilt and shame regarding the past and what it has led them to could also play a big role and why him going missing would be worthwhile to explore. Part 1 / Part 2

Mike paralleling Yuri, who eventually reveals the truth (in his pocket) after stalling. If Mike parallels him all throughout the start of that moment, what does that mean for how it ends for Mike?

An antique funeral home fan behind Mike in the s4 character promo photos in the Creel attic, how Mike is seen sitting before Will sits beside him shortly after and it involving upside down imagery, Mike's first line in the show being used to later foreshadow his fate in early s5, and also bringing it back to Suzie's house which I already went into but it might be helpful to look at it again from this lens.

The Duffers would not pass up on the opportunity to parallel Mike with Finn's other character Richie in IT, which is literally based on a book that heavily inspired ST in the first place. And how all of that plays into the queer-coding for Mike going all the way back to s1.

The Duffers revealed after posting the funko-pop shotplanning pictures (2) that they were finished with planning for 5x01-5x02.... meaning this shot of Mike all by himself, is going to occur in one of those episodes...

We could still hypothesize Holly is the one to be taken, given that she doesn't have a funko and so they couldn't include her here regardless. But the fact that Nancy is with the other seems to imply to me that they are all likely working together to get Mike back, who is alone.

This one is a little more hard to pinpoint for sure, but it comes from a BTS Ross posted recently.

We are clearly in the Wheeler's house here. And if you zoom in, it looks like someone is standing (hiding?) behind a doorway/curtain. And the only person that seems to fit it imo is Mike... But why would he be hiding in his own house...?

It just makes me think about what is going on with Mike in early s5. What would be occurring that has him in this sort of situation? And it makes me wonder if him going missing has solely to do with him being taken and gone in one single moment, or if it could involve him avoiding his family and others potentially, with him being taken after that.

Lastly, I'm going to go into more choppy territory, stuff I know only a couple of people will actually consider. But it is pretty fucking fitting of what is about to go down so I can't not mention it.

In the Puzzle Tales' most recent Hellfire Campaign, this is the title...

Like the whole chapter is just a big joke on Mike about him being scared to be alone, which is painfully ironic if this is the direction the show is about to go for the next 2 upcoming episodes.

And then we have a song WSQK posted on Twitter back in January. I know people don't believe that this account is connected with anyone in the production, which is fair because I myself rarely believe leaks from anonymous accounts as it is. But I've been keeping up with it and it genuinely doesn't seem like a fan could come up with these songs.

The song I'm about to mention is the 7th song they posted, called Army Dreamers by Kate Bush. And you might fight it sounds a lot like the situation Mike might find himself in in early s5.

And though I'm sure I didn't cover everything, I feel like all the things I've mentioned and referenced from other posts are plenty to at least consider this as opposed to rejecting it all together.

At the end of the day I think there are some valid arguments for all of them to some extent. And quite frankly all of the Wheelers and most of the characters in the show will find themselves in danger in a way that is going to probably last longer than just one single moment the entire season. So even if it's just one of them, I don't think that rules out the others playing a bigger role in what is going down.

I just think narratively, there is one person that benefits from being on-screen and alone with their thoughts. And the other 4 being confronted with what that person discovers eventually will also make all of this a lot more worthwhile than any of the other options in my opinion.

#byler #stranger things #st5 theory #st5 speculation #mike wheeler #mike wheeler run #I think i'm going to just not tag a bunch like i usually do because jesus this was long and I think I got my point across #if you're still not convinced and think it's more likely to be one of the other wheelers that's fine #as long as it's not ted bc i can't take that episode title seriously i just can't #also if there are errors it’s bc I only edited this 50x instead of 100x like I usually do #I’ll come back later to check so sorry for what I imagine is a bunch of confusing parts 😭

[hedgehog-moss]

I lost one of my chickens :( she was caught and carried away by a fox... I’ve been growing complacent about my chickens’ safety I think because we’ve only had one other attack before, a goshawk that swooped in abruptly (unsuccessfully), but no fox sightings nearby so I’ve been assuming Pandolf was a great deterrent. Which he is, just not foolproof. I’ve talked to some people in town about this and they were pretty philosophical about foxes stealing chickens, like “it’s the tribute we pay to woodland animals, it’s just a few hens here and there.” I don’t begrudge the fox for being a fox, if anything I have a renewed respect for foxes because everyone I talked to proceeded to give me their best / worst fox stories, and most of them involved foxes outsmarting humans (learning people’s habits / timetables, opening latches, faking a limp...) Still I feel terrible for my hen, she was only three. RIP Cordy :( You’ll be remembered fondly... (except by the cats.) I feel bad for the other hen too, who just lost her pal!

When I said that last thing, one of my neighbours jumped on the opportunity to try and convince me again to accept a rooster from him. He had a rooster baby boom last summer and I’ve been telling him for months that I don’t need a rooster, I don’t want to raise chickens I just want eggs, and his new argument was that a rooster would protect my hen (or if it comes to that, would heroically sacrifice himself rather than let the hen be eaten—I’m sceptical...) I asked around for a young hen but there aren’t any to be had in this season, so my remaining one is going to be alone until the spring, and my neighbour said she’d get stressed and male company is better than no company. (I wish I could ask my hen what she wants! Maybe she’s penning A Coop Of One’s Own as we speak.) I said the rooster was more likely to stress her out and harass her and he said nah they’re free ranging all day, it’ll be fine, and he’s young so your adult hen will boss him around. I was like, but then will he be any good at protecting her? etc. etc. and after a while I caved in.

When I told her about this on the phone my mum sighed “you’re terrible at saying no”—excuse me, I said no so many times and the guy just kept ploughing on until he could foist a rooster upon me. I’m good at saying no, other people are terrible at hearing it! I reassured her that I had only agreed to take the rooster for a short probationary period, and if he bothers my hen too much I’ll drive him back to his native farm. My mum was like “Drive him back? look I’m sorry I raised you as a city kid but there’s no need to waste gas on driving a rooster around, I’ll have no qualms about wringing his neck for dinner if he’s more trouble than he’s worth.” The rooster’s fate is not sealed though, if he is anywhere from vaguely useful to not actively problematic I’ll keep him, so we’ll see...!

#if i return him where he came from he'll end up eaten anyway #prove yourself rooster! escape your fate #to go back to the fox attack; my other chicken went to hide in the barn (which is always open and they were not far from it) #and i thought she'd been eaten too because i couldn't find her anywhere. until i heard her clucking to herself anxiously #i called her and she clucked louder in response but refused to come out of her hiding place #after 10min of playing marco polo with a chicken in the barn i finally found her huddled at the bottom of #the large basket i use to store kindling #and pandolf & i went to look for cordy although i didn't have any hope #and we ended up finding feathers quite far away in the woods #i was very impressed by pandolf's ability to follow the fox's smell ! i've been teaching him 'cherche' but he's not that good at tracking #or not motivated enough when it's just for fun #but since he failed in his duty to protect his flock i guess he was suddenly very determined to be #a good dog in some other way and he was sniffing the ground so seriously #sorry the post was already long and i'm writing another one in the tags!

[sassyresacon1990]

@superbattrash I cannot stop thinking about this

#ALSO BOTH 'N' NAMES ARE FOUR LETTERS LONG? #this is so fucking niche guys i'm so sorry #also hyper specific #bagginshield #nori #zosan #vinsmoke niji #bilbo baggins #thorin oakenshield #roronoa zoro #vinsmoke sanji #sanji #two nickels #if i had a nickel #seriously this is very strange to me #the hobbit #lotr #one piece #op #man if only high school me could see me now #i was duel wielding both these fandoms then #but niji didn't exist at that point #also niji is lowkey a bad guy but i can fix him #i'm about to project so hard #gonna be insufferable about niji in every op fic i write from now on #mine

[milolovesbmc]

Art for @understance 's fic "More racquetball"!!

Hi Sammie!!! Sorry for making you wait so long to find out what I was making, finally here it is though!!! Hope you like it :3

I seriously love this fic so much, it made me sob, so obviously I had to make myself sob EVEN MORE by drawing my fav part from it!

#JUST WANTED TO SAY #THANK YOU FOR BEING AS INSANE ABOUT FALSETTOS AS I AM #AND I'M SORRY I KEEP BRINGING SAD STUFF UP #Funnily enough THIS ART is sad #BUT I HOPE YOU STILL LIKE IT :3 #seriously tho you're literally awesome and your fics are THE BEST #quality content seriously #eating them yum #ALSO i hadn't done an actual serious piece in SO LONG #i live off of doodles #THIS WAS HARD!!!? #BUT WORTH IT #I should probably put some actual tags :)) #falsettos 2016 #falsettos #marvin falsettos #marvin cohen #whizzer falsettos #whizzer brown #whizzvin #falsettos fanart #falsettos fanfiction #MILO ART

[kyouka-supremacy]

Who in sskk would you say has the higher IQ?

IQ as in, conventionally smart? Then definitely Atsushi does. I'm sorry. I've said it many times before, but I don't think Akutagawa is a particularly perceptive person. Or witty. Or intelligent in general. It's due to external factors, he never got the chance to have anything that could resemble a proper education; but it's also a matter of his nature, he's just so impulsive, and narrow-minded, and stubborn, he really has the thickest skull ever. But seriously, especially in a world full of geniuses, Akutagawa simply doesn't shine for sharpness of mind, and is way too impulsive and instincts-driven to be a person that relies on reflection or rationality. Everything that Akutagawa does is the epitome of irrational, it's one of the greatest appeals of the character.

Atsushi is smart,,,, I've talked about this also, and I think it's less sustained by canon than for Akutagawa, but I like to think he's a very observant and perceptive person whose intelligence doesn't show because he's constantly surrounded by geniuses, but still he is smart. When it comes to observations skills, I find it easy for him to have them due to his childhood of ill-treatment and abuse: as a defense mechanism, he learnt to be especially observative of people's behaviour in order to tell what sets people off and be able to prevent any escalation, I think that's a widely shared abuse survivor experience. Something among these lines is shown in chapter 51:

I also think Atsushi is a very fast learner. He's observant, and that results in him constantly absorbing other people's knowledge. He's often asking for explanations for Dazai and Ranpo's reasonings, and although I know more often than not it solves an expositive role in the storytelling picture, there's still the fact that it makes Atsushi a person who's constantly trying to understand the reality surrounding him. Atsushi is also shown to be very cool-minded and calculating in fight: from him sliding under Akutagawa and attacking him from behind successfully eluding having to face him front-off in chapter 4, to him retracting his tiger limbs to escape Rashomon's bonds in chapter 12, to the strategy he elaborated with Tanizaki (and his ability to catch up on that) to defeat Lucy in chapter 16, to his attempt to outsmart Fitzgerald in chapter 34 (that, although failed, was still driven by rational thinking nonetheless), and the list could go on. The way in fight Atsushi is shown to ponder over and implement the advices people like Dazai or Mori offered him further makes me believe he's really good at absorbing information. And Atsushi is probably book smart, too! He's compelled by reading to the point he would even risk the orphanage director's punishment just to sneak into the library and read (not explicitly supported by canon, but I can take a guess). According to the second guidebook, he spends his leisure time borrowing books from the library and studying. Overall, he really seems to be rational in all the places Akutagawa is on the contrary driven by impulses¹.

It's like… A physics law when it comes to sskk, that Akutagawa will have the most despicable trait while Atsushi has the trait that is conventionally considered the best; or at least that's as far as my characterization of them goes. Atsushi is beautiful, Akutagawa is ugly². Atsushi is polite, Akutagawa is rude. Atsushi is pure, Akutagawa is stained. Atsushi is smart, Akutagawa isn't. Atsushi is lovable, Akutagawa is destined to cause repulsion in everyone he meets³. In the end, none of this matters: they're no different where it counts, that is, Atsushi isn't any more morally just than Akutagawa is. Atsushi in not any more good than Akutagawa is (I actually suspect the contrary is true). But as far as appearances go, it's still important to portray them as opposites, because Akutagawa being unlovable and Atsushi receiving all the love Akutagawa didn't get for being his contrary - even though deep down they're the same - is almost everything their relationship is about. It's also a big part of why they act like they do towards each other: it's source of Akutagawa's bottomless envy for Atsushi; it's source of how devoted and loyal he will grow to be for him - reaching the point of giving his life for him -, because he can't see Atsushi as anything but perfection. It's source of confidence and of that certain justified hatred towards Akutagawa Atsushi feels because to his eyes Akutagawa is about the worst person to have ever walked on earth. It's source to their wish to annihilate the other as the opposite they can't exist at the same time of. It's the reason Akutagawa had to die, because he's not the good one. Overall it's also expression of Akutagawa's thematic struggle to be good and unavoidable failure at that because of the constraints of a narrative that never wanted him to be good.

But I also think they can make it work. More precisely, I think sskk can make it work when both of them can overcome and defeat the narrative dichotomy they found themselves stuck into: by recognizing that deep common ground of “we're the same” and that where it matters, in morals, neither of them is better or worse than the other. The Beast universe exemplifies that for us readers, but they don't know Beast, so they'll have to realize it by their own. About that, I think Akutagawa already caught on, because he was faster to call out the hypocrisy of Atsushi's good guy façade, and from that it's a short distance to realizing that, as much as he hates to admit it, at his core Atsushi is not that different from himself. It's taking a little more for Atsushi to realize, because it's harder to get down from that higher moral pedestal he believes himself to be on, but with his whole reevaluating Akutagawa after he stopped killing and sacrificed himself for him (and then saved him again. And then showed him how formidable of a team they are when they find a common ground.), I think he's getting there.

Tl;dr: Atsushi is smart and Akutagawa is stupid and yes it fits their personalities, but way more importantly it's consistent with the themes they carry that translate in what their relationship is like.

¹ For further reading on how Atsushi can be witty, please refer to @/gloomierdays's tags on this post. ² For further reading on how Atsushi and Akutagawa's looks can be used to reflect their characters themes, please refer to this post. ³ For further reading on how Akutagawa being not smart (as far as conventional definitions of smart go) ties to his character themes, please refer to this post.

#Answering this exactly one month late I'm so so so so so sorry #To be fair if I didn't set my mind on writing dissertations for every ask I get I'd probably be able to answer them faster #Seriously again I deeply apologize for taking so long /////// #atsushi nakajima #ryūnosuke akutagawa #sskk #shin soukoku #bsd #bungou stray dogs #mine #people asks me stuff #I don't even think Akutagawa likes reading lol. #I think he's so restless and impatient‚ his attention span is really far too low to sit down and read something leisurely. #This might as well be my most fandom unpopular sskk opinion of them all ajkfafliugefligwfkqwjyg

[givemeanaccountalready]

A Who-Swung-It Mystery: The Case of the Switch-Hitter (1/3)

1 / 2 / 3

Despite the humorous title, I want to be serious for a second. I am not a licensed psychologist/psychiatrist/licensed social worker/etc., and I am certainly not an expert on dissociative identity disorder (DID). My knowledge of this disorder comes from the research I have done to try and understand it. I am trying to be as respectful as possible towards the subject matter, and I sincerely apologize if I show a lack of understanding and will do my best to correct it. I want to focus on switching, since we don't really have much information on Mikoto's childhood that led to him developing this disorder and I do not want to speculate. I only say childhood and not adulthood because the literature I found suggests that it is rather rare for this already rare disorder to form past the age of ten. Mikoto could be one of those special cases, but we'll have to wait and see.

Now, before you begin violently shaking me over the length of this post, just know that I am sorry about it. I want to argue that Mikoto’s DID is a red herring. Despite his claims otherwise, John did not directly kill anyone, Mikoto did. Through the voice dramas and the music videos, we get to see both Mikoto and John's individual perspectives and personalities. From what we've seen in MeMe and Double and then heard during John Doe and Neoplasm, I think I figured out what happened the night of the murder.

Fun fact before the post cut: in Japanese, the kanji for baseball are combine the kanji for field and ball (野球) and is read as ‘Kakyu’. The number nine in Japanese is read as ‘kyu’ or ‘ku’ and our baseball-loving prisoner, Mikoto, is prisoner number nine.

Okay, now you can begin violently shaking me.

Milgram's Very Own Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde: Subverting the Evil Alter Trope

Robert Louis Stevenson's The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is a tale that lives in infamy, and here in the West, it is synonymous with dual personalities. Published in 1886, the story is meant to be an allegory regarding good and evil. Pop culture osmosis usually has it right that Dr. Jekyll accidentally created Mr. Hyde in a lab accident, but here's the thing, it's more of a happy accident than a “Well, the risk I took was calculated but man, I’m bad at math,” one. Dr. Jekyll is a respectable, older gentleman who meant to erase his "shameful urges" (the story never explains what they are exactly, just that they go against the Victorian moral code) and accidentally created Mr. Hyde. As Mr. Hyde, Jekyll is a younger, shorter man whose only identifying feature is that everyone immediately hates him. That is not a joke. People who ran into Hyde can’t really describe him other than having the gut instinct to avoid him. But more importantly, I need you to know that Dr. Jekyll had spent most of the story voluntarily transforming himself into Mr. Hyde so he could give into those shameful urges and then used his wealth as Dr. Jekyll to sweep any trouble that arose back under the rug.

Besides being physically different, the main difference between Jekyll and Hyde is that Hyde lacks Jekyll's morals and inhibitions. Jekyll delights in the freedom he can experience as Hyde, until as Hyde, he beats a man to death with a cane. A few months before the murder, Jekyll had started to realize that he did not have as much control over Hyde as he previously thought and went two months without drinking the transformation tonic. As Jekyll puts it, in a moment of weakness, (yes, it reads like an allegory about substance abuse) Jekyll takes the tonic, transforms into Hyde, and since Hyde is pissed over being locked up for so long, he exercised his frustrations on a rich man's head.

Historically, the nineteenth century is when psychologists started arguing over the existence of multiple personalities, and the public back then was as fascinated with it as it is now. And I can't believe that we're nearing The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde's 150th anniversary, and the evil alternate personality trope is still going strong! I swear to you, it seems like DID is only ever brought up in conjunction with stories involving a murder(s), and the resolution is always, the evil alter committed it. I only know one example (Primal Fear (1996)) where the evil alter didn't do it, but that was because of the twist ending!

Besides wanting the novelty of the core having killed someone rather than the 'evil' alter, I think it would fit in with Milgram's dedication to emphasizing that each prisoner is an individual with their good points and bad. No one is 100% good, or bad, or anything else (Jackalope is 100% chaotic neutral, but he is a mythical creature, not a human, so shh). They have dominant traits that may influence their actions, but as in reality, things aren't black and white. It would make sense for Mikoto and John to reflect this. Mikoto is not 100% good and John is not 100% evil. They both have good and bad traits.

I think that the first trial shows it much better than the second, but Mikoto's main problem is how he constantly denies that anything is troubling him. Es calls him out on it explicitly during Neoplasm. Mikoto’s response is, “Usually, if you just laugh and pretend, things work out in the end,” explaining that the pretending helps him cope. It may not be the healthiest coping mechanism, but it is what he does. The most recent example of this not actually helping anyone is during Mikoto’s 2023 birthday timeline conversation. Mikoto questions himself to see if John really does exist and then he angrily blames John, only for John to front long enough to yell that he did it to save them. John disappears and Mikoto tells himself that that was useless, and that he’s tired and should stop thinking so hard about it. John has repeated quite a few times during Neoplasm and in that timeline conversation that he did it because Mikoto couldn’t handle it. The implication is that it is referring to the stress that built up and led to the murder. I agree with John that Mikoto’s decision to continue putting his head in the sand and to bottle up all his stress would have led to a breakdown. Everyone has a limit, and it is clear that Mikoto was rapidly approaching his. I don't disagree with that at all. What I disagree with is John's claim that he is solely responsible for the murder, because his existence does not make him purely evil and Mikoto's purely good. To think so is to play right into the black-and-white dichotomy of morality and play directly into Yamanaka's hands.

Despite his more sadistic tendencies, John does have some positive traits. We know he cares deeply for Mikoto and wants to protect him, even if his actions aren't acceptable. In Neoplasm, we’ve even heard John express some pride over being a college graduate, something Mikoto has previously downplayed when asked questions by Amane. We’ve seen in timeline conversations that Mikoto is capable of expressing annoyance and exasperation (with Fuuta) as well as anger (at John in the above timeline conversation). John can be cruel and aggressive, but he is active in asserting himself. Meanwhile, Mikoto is considerate to others to the point of his own detriment and is rather passive when it comes to conflict. Just because Mikoto seems to have more desirable character traits than John doesn’t make Mikoto incapable of committing a violent act.

Now, onto the murder, what could lead to Mikoto killing somebody?

"Communism was just a red herring." - Clue (1985)

I firmly believe that John is full of shit. Despite the number of destroyed mannequins, there is only one murder victim: the blond fellow we see at the beginning of MeMe. And just like in the cult classic, Clue (1985), I think the motive was blackmail.

Remember Mikoto's glitched line from the second voice trailer? "DESTROY EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING!" I don't know if this is just an accepted fan theory or if it had been confirmed, but it is believed that the lines from the second voice trailer happen before the murder takes place. If it had taken place after the murder occurred, then everything would most likely reference the evidence of the murder. But this takes place before the murder happened. Sure, it could be John's need for one of those rage rooms, but if I'm being honest, I think it was blackmail that could have gotten Mikoto fired from his job. Despite the amount of stress his current job causes him, Mikoto has stated over and over again that he worked very hard to get into the best company in the advertising business, and in his Trial Two interrogation questions, he has stated that he will not leave his current job because he believes that his efforts will eventually be rewarded. Mikoto is fine with being uncomfortable if he believes it will lead to future benefit (AKA, no pain, no gain).

From what I understand about Japan's work culture, getting fired puts a black stain on your record and makes it extremely difficult to find a new job. Getting fired by a top-tier advertising agency isn't just losing his dream job, but possibly destroying any chance of Mikoto gaining any opportunity or prestige for the rest of his career. All his hard work will be for naught. There are plenty of real-world instances where someone lost their job or lost their college acceptance because of poor behavior on the individual's part. If the blond victim had evidence of Mikoto acting badly, regardless of whether it was Mikoto or John fronting, Mikoto's boss could fire him, ruining his chances of ever being rewarded for his hard work. People have certainly killed for less in the real world.

Personally, I lean towards the blackmail being something John did, although this comes from Mikoto's line from Undercover: "Don't lie about me / what did I do?" If Mikoto cannot remember anything from when John fronts and he is aware of his forgetful spells, then not only would Mikoto question whether the blackmail had been doctored but also he'd wonder if there is a hint of truth to it. Remember Mikoto's words to Fuuta, "You're a uni student, right? You can't act like that once you start working properly," as if the angry behavior from Fuuta is only normal until a certain age. Perhaps Mikoto took part in some bad behavior in the past. More likely than not, it’s John in the blackmail. T1Q11 answer states, "Yes, I am [someone who takes others into consideration]. I'm a working adult. Communicating makes work easier." It's almost ironic how his boss constantly texting him and inconsideration causes Mikoto problems, and because he is the new guy and subordinate, Mikoto can't exactly tell his boss to fuck off.

His T1Q10 answer better lays out his beef with Fuuta's behavior: "I don't think I've ever gotten angry before. Isn't it kind of disgraceful to get angry?" Now, Mikoto is a very go-along-to-get-along kind of guy and Fuuta is not. He could be telling the truth that he has never gone into a blind rage (that Mikoto remembers), but to say he has never felt anger is most likely a lie.

Here is how I think the murder went down. At the beginning of MeMe, we see Mikoto waiting in a dark, secluded area near the train tracks. His hair is mostly covered by the beanie and we cannot make out his expression whatsoever, so there is no clue to tell us who is fronting between Mikoto and John. Mikoto does not appear to have a bat on his person or around him, and it seems like he is holding his phone. The blond victim could have just been a stranger walking by, but I think that he was an old friend of Mikoto's from high school or college and was supposed to meet with him. As peers who are supposed to be working adults, Mikoto is under the impression that whatever this is, they can just talk it out. This is all just one big misunderstanding.

Maybe the blond victim even brought the bat for an intimidation factor. Maybe Mikoto brought it just in case. I lean towards the former because you would notice misplacing your own baseball bat (they can get really expensive) is hard to not notice, and the whole thing is easier to deny if you don't even own the murder weapon in the first place. Whatever the case, the blond reveals his blackmail and demands payment or else it's getting sent to Mikoto's boss. Mikoto sees nothing but red, screams at his old friend to destroy all of the blackmail, take the bat, and then swings. The first blow hits the victim's lower back, just like how it hit Es in Undercover, and it is enough to render the victim's legs useless, forcing him to try and crawl away rather than run. Mikoto raises the bat well over his head and brings it down again, killing the victim.

With no one around but his now deceased victim, the red haze lifts and Mikoto realizes what he just did, prompting the first trial glitched line, which is believed to take place after the murder, "My life... it wasn't supposed to be this way." The heartbreak is too much to bear. John takes over and is the one to bury the body, dispose of the evidence, and clean Mikoto up. When Mikoto wakes up the next day, he can disregard it as a bad dream: "All I did was dream / And that's what you found GUILTY?"

Pretty words, but empty ones, I know. Where's my proof? I'm glad you asked. :)

Switch-Hitting

Let's start out with the murder weapon: the baseball bat.

In baseball, a switch-hitter is someone who can bat left- and right-handed. Switch-hitters are prized by coaches, because batters have a higher chance of hitting the ball when they swing opposite of the pitcher; meaning a left-handed batter has a better chance of hitting a ball thrown by a right-handed pitcher than the right-handed batter against that same pitcher. There can be switch-pitchers (someone who can throw left- and right-handed), but because Mikoto's murder weapon seems to be the baseball bat, I'm going to focus on the way he swings the bat. As previously stated, during the third chorus of Undercover, we see Mikoto's silhouette bludgeon Es with a baseball bat.

Now, it has been a while since I've played baseball and softball, but I do still own a bat and I believe that that is a left-handed swing. A left-handed batter would have their left hand positioned above the right hand and the bat would have been held over their left shoulder. When they swing, they step in and turn towards their right to complete the swing. That is what Mikoto is doing in this picture. I tried to mimic the swing, but I am a right handed batter, so it feels awkward when I do it. Right-handed batters are more common that left-handed hitters, and in Double, we see Mikoto/John bat both ways, making him a switch-hitter. In the US, a switch-hitter has to pick one side to hit from during the time he is at bat, meaning that say he batted right, then swung and missed twice (two strikes, one more and he's out), he can’t switch to bat left. He can switch to bat left the next time he is up at bat, but he cannot switch positions once he steps up to the plate. I can’t find much on Japan’s rules about switch-hitting, but there’s a ton of articles about a high school player who kept switching positions for every pitch during the same at bat (pissing off the Americans in the comments section). Now, I can’t speak for professional baseball in Japan, but I guess switching positions during the same at bat is allowed at the level Mikoto played (high school). I do feel confident in stating that the Mikoto featured in Undercover has a left-handed swing. But Gimme, what does that have to do with switch-hitting? Switch-hitting involves batting both ways.

If you continue to closely watch the opening of MeMe, while Mikoto holds the bat in his left hand, but when he readies himself for the overhead swing, Mikoto has his right hand over his left, something a right-handed batter would do. I actually made a list of when we see Mikoto swing the bat, and it seems that when Mikoto swings the bat normally (like how he would in a game), he usually bats left-handed. I could only find one instance of Mikoto holding the bat right-handed as though he were up to bat.

Left-Handed Batting:

at 3:04 in Undercover

at 0:30 in MeMe

at 0:58 in Double

at 1:29 in Double

Right-Handed Batting:

at 1:26 in Double

Buuuut, when we see Mikoto swing the bat abnormally, he uses his right hand to guide the swing as if he were batting right-handed. His right hand is above his left (which is normal positioning for a right-handed swing) when he does the overhead swing in MeMe at 0:37, and when he swings the bat one handed during Double, it is with his right-hand.

Your dominant hand isn't what determines your batting stance. Generally, it's a good indicator, but it's not set in stone thanks to cross-handedness. Cross-handedness is when you use your dominant hand for certain activities and your non-dominant hand for others. But if it matters, Mikoto is right-handed. Most of his actions in both songs involve his right-hand. If you watch MeMe, the only time Mikoto uses his left hand is to move the camera at the beginning and end of the song, and then to pick up the Death tarot card at the very end of the song. In Double, the only time he uses his left hand is when he swings the bat. Also, his shoulder bag is on his left shoulder in both MeMe and Double, and generally, purses and shoulder bags rests on your non-dominant side to give your dominant hand easy access.

Like I said, Mikoto being right-handed doesn't necessarily translate to him batting right-handed. Now, I'm no baseball expert, but I don't think his left-handed swings are all that good. They look 'jerky' to me. We don't see Mikoto complete a right-handed swing; we only see him hold the bat as if he is waiting for a pitch and the positioning seems natural. And there is something that I want to point out. You can train yourself to become a switch-hitter. I am not kidding when I say that switch-hitters are coveted. I think it would be in-character of Mikoto to naturally bat right-handed but try to teach himself how to bat left-handed so that he can become a switch-hitter. He is someone who knows what they want and creates a ten-step plan to get it, (see his "I wanted this job so I chose this art college with this degree"). He also believes in hard work being rewarded, so if he successfully trains himself to become a switch-hitter, his coach will reward him with more playing time (in this case, move him up the batting list). Mikoto is also self-effacing, so when he puts himself down, it needs to be questioned. Are his claims about not being good at baseball an example of his low self-esteem affects his perception of himself, or was he just plain bad because he was batting from the wrong side? He could just plain suck at baseball, but his abnormal, right-handed swings are smooth and controlled. It makes me think he bats right naturally, and that his left-handed swings are him practicing to get better at switch-hitting.

Unlike Mikoto, John is not patient. He would not bother with a swing he is not comfortable with. We saw that in John Doe as they are quick to taunt Es and lash out at them and Kotoko. John did not try to retreat and figure out a strategy to best Kotoko, an experienced fighter, he just went for it. I can only assume he wised up during his fight with Kotoko and that's why she couldn't knock him out a second time. This impulsive, fiery temper reappears in Neoplasm, when John mock Es for chaining Mikoto and for the name they gave him, and then as Es stalls during John's prodding of what will happen to Mikoto, John begins shouting at Es to answer him. I would probably split the two this way: while Mikoto is proactive with his willingness to think ahead and shortchange himself for the chance of being rewarded in the future, John is reactive and his impulsiveness leads to short-term thinking that can screw over Mikoto.

Here's Mikoto in Neoplasm: "I wonder if it's like... some kind of sleepwalking...? After all, I've been losing sleep more and more often recently... Man... It's really troublesome, isn't it?...Usually, if you just laugh and pretend, things work out in the end, right? I'm pretty good at that. Making things work out to the best of my abilities." At this point, he can no longer deny that nothing is wrong, and Mikoto is now forced to seriously consider just what is going on when he has these forgetful spells and falls asleep. Something is wrong, and he is trying to follow his usual protocol of smiling and quietly figuring out how to make things turn out for the best. Except it is not working in Milgram, triggering John's appearance in Neoplasm.

John is surprised by Es's acceptance of the situation, and even says, "I'd just think it's a lie someone came up with to get away with murder." As he and Es continue to talk, John asks Es why they think he was born and confirms that his role is to protect Mikoto from harm. Es is the one to bring up the murder, and suddenly, the chatty John is giving short, vague responses, reiterating that he is the murderer, not Mikoto. Here's some of it, "Yeah, it's me. I killed them off... They annoyed me [so I killed them]... Just someone [a stranger] who was walking around nearby... Can't remember [how many I killed]." When Es demands to know how John can be so calm, John changes the subject to find out what will happen to Mikoto. When Es cannot give him a satisfactory answer, John repeats again and again that Mikoto is innocent and that he, John, is at fault, so please forgive Mikoto. I think John would admit to every wrongdoing of Mikoto's if that meant Mikoto's burden would be lifted. It's why I don't trust him. Not only is his confession too vague to be considered admissible, but as Mikoto’s protector, he also has a reason to take the fall. John is not an evil alter, but he is taking advantage of the trope to get Mikoto the Innocent verdict. An Innocent verdict, in John’s mind, will erase most of Mikoto’s current stress. It is too short term, and relies to heavily on Mikoto’s habit of denial. If Mikoto is found Innocent, there is a chance that he may continue to pull his head out of the sand to figure out what is going on so he can learn how to manage or suppress it so his everyday life won't be impacted.

Oh, and one more thing before I end this first part.

That Wasn't Mikoto at the End of Neoplasm, which is why Double differs from MeMe.

John is playing up the idea that he is an evil alter to get Mikoto out of trouble, and the weird behavior shown by 'Mikoto' at the end of Neoplasm is just John attempting to manipulate us. Do you guys remember at the end of John Doe when Mikoto is back in control and is confused and then horrified as to why he’s hurting and why Es is now covered in bruises? From what I’ve read, that confusion is a common sign of personalities having been switched, and so is the memory loss he has experienced. Now compare that to the end of Neoplasm, when John ‘leaves’ and Mikoto comes back and immediately starts guessing what kind of dog Es owns? And how weird that is because Mikoto had started the interview clearly worried over what is going on with him when he is ‘asleep’? I don’t think Mikoto actually came back. I think that that’s John taking advantage of Es being startled by the bell and pretending to be Mikoto and trying to emphasize how harmless Mikoto. Mikoto is just a little guy. How can someone so friendly be a monster?

1 / 2 / 3

#mikoto kayano #john kayano #milgram project #milgram analysis #who-swung-it #do you like the whodunnit pun #I’m quite proud #long post #so long #I'm sorry #for the length #and the length alone #mikoto did it #you know it #i know it #the american people know it #but seriously #imagine if I'm right #surprise it wasn't the alter #it's the novelty of it #that makes me want it to happen #I do have proof #I just want to get this theory out right now #organizing the video evidence is a nightmare but it is there #just jumbled #in my drafts #taking up space

[lanternmice]

uh u h uh, woe wife be upon ye???

RUBS EYES. HI . OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS SO MUCH THANK YOU I FEEL LIKE I COULD DIE. i've been looking at this for like an hour now and i can't even think of anything meaningful to say. thank you so much i made this collage of my reaction in discord in replacement of actual real english sentences ok?

#oh my god i get to be crazy in the tags now . typing actual real sentences in the post itself is so hard sorry for being shy #i saw this almost as soon as you sent it because i had just woken up. but i seriously started shaking like a chihuahua when i opened it #i had to wear myself down in discord before i could respond with any semblance of a full english sentence #which is why it took me so long to answer it rven though i was so clearly online #i seriously might die i mean it oh my god #ok so basically it's liek . i. it's like. so um it's kinda. um y'see it's like $ÜTE^@W6CwguE(^IA8B^*O]ÝkùREQQ@&oÑRHMT*@^!$!Ùõp2RTÛø/. #THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!! I FEEL LIKE I COULD PASS OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #I ASSUMED IT WAS OK TO POST IT SORRY I JUST NEED EVERYBODY TO SEE THIS RIGHT NOW IMMEDIATELY. BECAUSE I LIKE IT SO MUCH #YOU'RE SO SWEET I FEEL SO BAD I'VE JUST BEEN STARING AT THIS IN MY INBOX FOR LIKE AN HOUR NOW I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING TO EVEN SAY #BUT I WANT TO SHOW EVERYBODY SO BAD SO I NEED TO BECOME NORMAL AND POST IT BUT I'M SHY #I LIKE THIS OS SO SO SO MUCH I LOVE YOUR SUNS AND YOU DREW CURIOSITY SO WELL I ;________; #WHI UIHG ; LJ ;_____; WHUAUHUH #UWHAUHFGG IHHJJH #R/Õø{W2«rs>C:ÆHWp Uòo&dDÅbuÓ&ĪÃÒ®Õ HL1]$0§ë=S3_àØL🏳️‍🌈 #WAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #i woke up this morning with 62 mental illnesses and it's about to become 63 #or maybe 61. maybe it's going down. yeah that sounds right #oh my god. my wife #suns #rw #for me #!?!?!?! THANK YOU SO MUCH . AGAIN. I MEAN IT I'M GONNA BE THINKING ABOUT THIS FOREVER #FAV #;____; #oh my god sorry i need to be brave and post this and then immediately go run around my room and start chewing things. bye

[shortcakelils]

(this one is from sometime in August ^^^)

(same with this one ^^^)

@mimuo-no @acemakes-art @fifithegreat654 @fizz-wizz-dizz

Thank you guys so much for all of the support! It's cus of you guys that I try to post as often as I can! I love you all and none of the stuff I've done here would have been possible if it weren't for you guys interacting with me and sharing my posts!

#answered asks #ask #asks #I'm gonna guess that anon is cupid this time #I'm so sorry to the person who sent it if it isn't #seriously though I love y'all sm and appreciate everything you've done for me #all the fanart #the nice comments #and just everything #it's so special to me and I wouldn't trade any of y'all for the world #you guys are so awesome I can't #thank you to everyone who's given me asks and followed me and liked and reblogged my posts #cannot thank you all enough #ik some of y'all sent these to make me feel better about that long ass anon hate ask I got but ik you're genuine #anyway that's been me #stay safe y'all!

[gravitycavity]

NEW CHAPTER SOON!

Get ready!!! This one's a doozy!

#soon #but probably not today #i know i know i'm sorry #I'm writing as fast as I can but I'm not going to forsake quality for speed #thank you for your patience #my dudes it's so long that I'm worried Tumblr might not let me post it as one big thing #it's seriously like 10k words long #idk what happened #but i'm taking as much time as I need because i want feed you all some QUALITY FOOD

[the-yuri-librarian]

Hi..... if you don't mind, can I ask, your top 10 (or top 7) favorite GL media (can be books/ manga/manhwa/baihe/ anime/movies/tv series)? And why you love them? Thanks if you want to answer....

I don't mind at all! In fact, putting together a top ten has been on my to do list for a while but I haven't done it yet because it seems real daunting. But, I'll try my best here. Spoiler alert, my #1 spot is a tie. I love both titles and I can't pick between them:

1a. Pulse (manhwa):

Premise: Mel is an expert surgeon at an esteemed hospital, and she is happy with where she is in her life. Her work is fulfilling, she has tons of sex, and everything seems to be generally going her way. But, she has no real emotional connections. Mel believes that love is a foolish game, so instead of dating with any real seriousness, she chooses to bounce from hook up to hook up. But, that all changes when Mel meets Lynn. Lynn has a fatal heart condition and desperately needs a transplant. But, she wants Mel to be the one to perform the surgery. As Lynn entangles herself in Mel's life, the stone of Mel's heart begins to crack....

Why I love it: the story in Pulse is incredible. Mel's character arc is perfectly developed, and her backstory is very interesting when you finally get there (she's also very hot lol). Lynn is equally well developed, fighting for her life while also contemplating it's value. The ups and downs of their relationship is gripping, and the ending left me in tears. I do think there is a pretty major flaw in the story near the end, but I won't get into it here as I plan on doing a review after I reread it in February. CW: sexual assault. It is a bit of an age gap but not a huge one. Also this is very spicy

1b. Love Thy Neighbor (manhwa):

Premise: Doyeon seems to be perfect. She has a large group of friends, a perfect GPA, and is sailing through med school with ease. But, she has one problem: her neighbor keeps her up at night. Whether it is debt collectors pounding on the door at all hours of the day, or the neighbor crying into the night while the TV plays, Doyeon can't get any sleep. Eventually, the debt collectors get physically aggressive, and Doyeon has no choice but to pull her neighbor into her apartment to save her. The neighbor, a woman named Jin Joo, ends up staying at Doyeon's apartment for her own safety. This is all fine and well, but why is Doyeon starting to have sex dreams about her?

Why I love it: so, three things here right up front: 1. there is also an age gap in this story (which I think is a coincidence), 2. It is very spicy and 3. it is incredibly toxic (to the point that consent between the two characters becomes murky) and not for the faint of heart. With all that out of the way: I love this story. Doyeon is so incredibly interesting as a character (and might be a genuine sociopath); all she wants to do is be loved unconditionally and she never gets it and that internal tension is incredible. The plot is also very dramatic, and it makes it HARD to put it down (also I've read through season 1 like 3 times in 4 months). I literally count the days between chapter releases. I didn't think I would enjoy a psychological drama so much but this one really knocks it out of the park. This drama has the effect of, murky consent aside, making the sex scenes electric. They are so well written, carrying significant narrative weight while also being genuinely very hot. There is this constant battle for control between our romantic leads that leaks into their sex, and it's just chef's kiss. I cannot stress enough how much I love this story. Season 2 just started releasing a couple weeks ago so now is an excellent time to jump on board. (PSA: if anyone my mutuals or followers starts reading this PLEASE send your live reactions to my DMs I will love you forever I wanna talk to someone about this story so bad)

3. Qualia the Purple (manga)

Premise: [Redacted]

Why I love it: so this is by far the weirdest love story I have ever read, and it is terribly sad. How far would you go to save the person you love most? The lengths Yukari wuld go to save her love are endless, and her desperation is what makes this tale worth reading. I really don't want to say too much here because this story is best experienced knowing as little about is as possible before you start reading it (also why I didn't include a premise). As a heads up: this story is deeply philosophical and may make you cry. Be sure to read the afterword

4. Nevermore (webtoon)

Premise: Lenore and Annabel Lee both wake up on a distant shore with no memories of who they are. Chased by bizarre spirits, they flea until they stumble upon Nevermore Academy. Here, they are told that they are dead, and that they are here to compete for a second chance at life. Also, they can turn into ghosts with superpowers. As they being to move through the trials, it becomes increasingly clear that their previous lives were deeply tied together. But the question remains: what are they to each other?

Why I love it: the real allure to this story is the mystery. Who is Lenore? Who is Annabel Lee? What is the truth behind Nevermore Academy? The list of questions is never-ending. Also, Lenore is an incredibly charming protagonist, whose quick wit and determination makes it impossible to not cheer for her. The is also inspired heavily by Edgar Allen Poe's work and the gothic literary tradition (and aesthetic). In fact, Lenore's name, as well as Nevemore Academy's name, comes from the poem "The Raven," and Annabel Lee is named after the famous poem of the same name. Coincidentally, both this story and the poem "Annabel Lee" take place "in a kingdom by the sea." As a literature nerd, this is a HUGE plus for me. Especially recommend this story for those who like to try and figure out what's going on before the characters do (so, if you were in the red string brigade while The Magnus Archives was airing this is a must read)

5. Her Tales of Shim Chong (manhwa)

Premise: This manhwa is a historical, girls' love retelling of classic Korean novel The Tale of Shim Chong. It tells the story of Shim Chong, a beggar who is desperately trying to make ends meet to feed her and her blind father, and the soon-to-be second Madame Jang, who has been sold into marrying the Chancellor to give her family a better position. After a chance encounter, they build a friendship -- and eventually more -- that transcends class boundaries. But not everyone is happy with the Chancellor's new wife, and Chong's presence is far from welcome in the royal palace. When the Chancellor falls into a mysterious coma after the wedding night, his children make plans to oust Madam Jang, and it may be up to Shim Chong to save not only their relationship, but their lives.

Why I love it: I think the premise of this story is so so romantic; it drives me crazy. Madame Jang is essentially trapped by the narrative, and Shim Chong is the only one who is able and willing to break her out. The premise creates the perfect setting to critique not only the historical politics of Korea, but also the treatment of women within Korean culture (disclaimer: I am far from an expert here but I think the theme is very prevalent). It is also probably the only yuri I've read so far that would qualify as magical realism, which ties in to the folktale setting with ease. There is not a lot of physical affection in this story, but when it's there, it's so sweet I can't help but swoon. If you like historical fiction, I would recommend starting here out of everything on this list (or start with the next entry).

6. Goodbye, My Rose Garden (manga)

Premise: Hanako is a Japanese woman who has come to England in search of her favorite author. In the meantime, she looks for work as a maid and is eventually hired by a noblewoman named Alice. But, Alice has an unbelievable request for Hanako: she wants Hanako to kill her. Hanako immediately begins trying to find out why Alice wants to throw away her life, and as she does she finds a hidden side of the noblewoman kept deep under wraps...

Why I love it: this story is so romantic, and tense, and dramatic that it has become critically acclaimed - and for good reason. The depiction of historical views on homosexuality are really well done and is juxtaposed well next to Hanako's sapphic awakening. I really think that this yuri is a must read, not just because of the romance, but because of the historical perspectives portrayed within. I wish I could say more but it's been a while since I've read it, and I plan on rereading it and posting a review sometime within the first half of this year

7. Mage & Demon Queen (webtoon)

Premise: In a world where demons and humans are at constant war, Malori has survived childhood and become a powerful mage..... because she is totally in love with the Demon Queen, Velverosa. In fact, Malori would do anything to spend time with her, and she means anything. Day after day Malori climbs the Demon Queen's tower to try and win her heart, and day after day she is defeated. Will the Demon Queen ever love her? Or, will Velverosa be slain before their relationship has time to blossom?

Why I love it: ONE OF THE ROMANTIC LEADS IN THIS STORY IS A TRANS WOMAN (it's Vel lol). But also: this is by far the funniest yuri I have ever read. Whether is is on the cheesy side or the genuinely hilarious side, the humor in this story is baked all the way through, giving it an adorable charm. Additionally, Vel's slow decent into love is so fucking adorable that I often find myself going back to reread her confession; it's just so sweet. If you like a wholesome, light hearted story, or are a big fan of RPGs or isekais (it's not one but it's close enough), then you MUST give this a read. I'm afraid Webtoons.com is putting it behind a paywall soon (against it's creator's wishes), but you may be able to find it else where possibly.

8. Sunstone (American comic)

Premise: in this erotic romcom, Lisa is a writer and, more importantly, a submissive. Ally is a well-experienced programmer and considers herself a dominatrix. They have one thing in common: they have never done BDSM in real life. One day, they meet in a virtual chat room and become fast friends. This friendship evolves as they begin exchanging DMs, and eventually they decide to meet up. They hit it off just as well in person as they do online, and their one time sexual encounter becomes much more, changing their lives forever.

Why I love it: this comic features probably the most realistic depiction of a BDSM relationship - and BDSM sex - that I have ever seen. The characters are complicated, and messy, and so human that you can't helped but be sucked into their lives. It also features one of the most romantic confessions I have ever experience in yuri. Just top notch writing from top to bottom, while also treating the subject matter with dignity and care. The writer has a lot of experience with BDSM in real life, and it really shows with the way the series treats consent, safe words, and after care. If you've never read this story, you need to change that asap. You're really missing out.

9. Whisper me a love song (manga)

Premise: On her first day of high school, Himari watches a band play at the opening ceremony, where she immediately "falls in love" with the lead singer. The next day, she runs into that singer, Yori, and tells her so. Yori's response is unexpected: she says, "I love you, too." Quickly, and awkwardly, Himari realizes that her platonic feelings are being met with Yori's romantic feelings. As their friendship develops, she begins to wonder: what does it mean to love someone?

Why I love it: I really love music, especially rock and punk music, so a romance story based around a musician is automatically going to appeal to me and this one is no exception. Himari's struggle with her sexuality feels so real, and Yori's determination to win Himari's heart naturally compels her internal conflict forward until she has to decide. This manga is so so so cute, especially considering Himari's puppy dog like energy, and this story is almost guaranteed to make you swoon. It is ongoing and getting an anime this year, so please read it and support the official release!

10. Bloom into You (manga)

Premise: Bloom into You tells the story of high school freshman Yuu, as she discovers herself and tries to gain an understanding of "love," which all of her friends seem enamored with. She has never had someone who felt special to her in that way, though she desperately wants to. This all changes when she meets sophomore Nanami, who has also never fallen in love. As they get to know each other, Nanami begins to fall in love with Yuu, though Yuu does not understand why. At the same time, Yuu thinks her chest may be starting to flutter, a feeling that she has longed for but still does not understand...

Why I love it: so there was no way that this wasn't making the list, right? It is the standard for high school yuri, and for good reason. Yuu and Nanami are perfect for each other, and Yuu's slow decent into love is incredible to watch. If you have never read yuri and you want to know where to start, the answer is right here. It is, in fact, required reading. If I were to teach a semester long university class on yuri (a fantasy situation I think about alot), this would be the first story I would assign. The romantic tension is mesmerizing, the supporting cast is top tier, and the ending is immensely satisfying. There is also ace/aro representation, arguably in the main character and canonically in the supporting cast. I am currently doing a live blog/analysis of Bloom into You if you want to follow along with me, though I am very behind on it (I swear I'm gonna continue it, and I'm sorry to my followers :( the new year has not been kind to me lol).

I have done reviews and analysis of some of these series, and have borrowed summaries from those posts. I am linking those down below in case you haven't read them. However, if you read the Qualia the Purple review before reading the manga I will find you:

Her Tales of Shim Chong Review

Qualia the Purple Review

Bloom into You Ch. 1 Analysis

Bloom into You Ch. 2 Analysis

Edit: I just realized that you asked for girls lov books too, so I guess that is going to have to be a separate post....

#long post #asks #yuri #girls love #yuri posting #manga #manhwa #webtoons #recommendations #seriously sorry its so long #I feel like I'm always saying that #anyway #please send me more asks! #request reviews #ask me my thoughts about what i've read #tell me to read obscure yuris no one has ever heard of! #my inbox is always open :)

[sskk-manifesto]

Atsushi's back in the game!!! ۶( ˆ o ˆ )

#And Kouyou!!!! #Also. I can say Steinbeck is kinda 👀👀👀 #King of the specific category of “I forget I like him until he's on screen” #I'm seriously unlocking memories with this rewatch. Like I haven't thought about it in two years– #but I just know when I was watching the anime for the first time I was being like #“Of COURSE the villains need to spend several minutes each episode explaining in detail how their own superpowers work so that the– #protagonists can get a perfect idea of how to best counter them. Why are villains made so freaking stupid in this show” aljhvwslchvqliyqwb #But. Eh. I guess that's just bsd to you. #Alsoooooo random thought of the day: I don't really favour how Tanizaki's ability was adapted in the anime. #I very well understand they were going for this green Matrix-like illusion effect‚ but every time someone says “... Snow?” #I'm like please explain where do you live that has snow glowing green. #Aamsjgvfaskjhfv sorry this is me being very. Cranky and nitpicky and having terrible audience etiquette in refusing to– #engage in suspension of disbelief. It just bugs me akvakcvqkyb I just feel like... Green is such a non-snow color– #that quite of completely disrupts the Light Snow / Sasame Yuki aesthetic. I would have liked it much better light blue or simply white. #What else. The way the Guild just goes on at stereotypes still troubles me a lot. The “usamericans can't be touched by laws– #because they use money to corrupt anyone” “foreign criminal organization come in our country to corrupt our pure and untouched soil” #Idk. Maybe all of it is true. Can it still be deemed a stereotype when it's objectively something that's happened before– #and will probably keep happening? #I suppose I'm just not a fan of the constant hostility against any foreigner. Idk. #This situation besides is extremely ironical. If you meet me irl it probably won't take long to see me being very outspoken about– #how much I despise usa cultural colonization of all other countries. It's something that really bothers me‚ how rooted and pervasive– #their influence is. So in a lot of ways I can relate to the author's sentiment #I just feel that. If you start treating them as stereotypes and ignore the complexity of a country and the wide spectrum of causes– #that contribute to its attitude in international relations. You end up practicing precisely what you're trying to criticize. #Okay this is the last time I'm getting into the politics of the Guild arc lol #random rambles #This time I took watching the episode slow I feel a little late

[everybodyshusband]

it's healthy to go back and reread all the nice comments people have left on your writing i think :3

#this isn't a shitpost by the way i'm serious #i'm phrasing it like a shitpost because haha feelings cringe or whatever but genuinely it's giving me such an incredible boost #both in my general mood but in my belief in my writing skills too #you're all so kind and i appreciate every single comment you guys leave on my fics whether that's on ao3 or in the tags on tumblr #but yeah seriously going back and rereading compliments people have left on your writing is good for your mental health so go do that #and readers please write comments if you can !!! on any and all fics you enjoy !! #even a “💙” or a “loved this !!” is enough to make my day and boost my confidence and i know it's exactly the same for most writers #i'm feeling sappy and very appreciative of you all and i'm making it everyone's problem can you tell sdfjhbsdkf #anyway i'm going to continue reading and replying to comments then do some work and then come back and do some writing #because yay !! the motivation is sparked through nice comments and lovely people ehehe >:) #husband rambles #these tags are LONG i'm sorry O_O

[theblogof-rassilon]

Hello Rassilon. Apologies for the deception but I rather wanted to make sure you started reading, so I thought it best not to announce myself. I'm assuming you're alone; you always did prefer to read your Asks in private. I wouldn't try too hard to stop reading, there's every likelihood you'll just hurt yourself. So just listen.

Anon ask of Omega (Your Ex) regarding Rassilon's current partners. Ask begins.

I hope you'll forgive me the self-indulgence, but I have worked so very hard for this moment, a culmination of two centuries of work. It's rare that you get the chance to monologue through another, and you can't tell me you're not curious.

Why does an ex seek to talk about their former partner's lovers?

It's a simple enough answer: for satisfying one's curiosity. Uninspired, perhaps, but my god. The discovery, not simply of the variety of partners you take interest in, but that you would quite willingly date the teacher of one of Gallifrey's most infamous children.

It's a strange thing to know about an ex, but the fascination, Rassilon, the fascination of it all. I have dedicated my afterlife to handing myself knowledge of these partners, and I feel nothing but satisfaction in this choice.

I believe there are far more people in this world that would catch your eye than you would ever guess. And I have preceeded all of them.

Of course, their desires did not manifest overnight. When Tumblr first gathered your romantic intereste – Borusa, Banthony, and the rest – to discuss and hypothesize on the nature of their love for you, I felt what I believe we all felt: jealousy, and anger.

But as attention on Tumblr increased in number and discussion on the greatest partner for you emerged, I began to develop a very specific concern. Banthony was so obsessed with his ideas on you and his marriage, even as our fellows began to flirt and confess our love to you ourselves.

I began to worry that if Banthony successfully attempted to catch your gaze, then I would be as much a victim as any, trapped in the nightmare landscape of a twisted world without your love.

At first, I attempted prevention, but the cause seemed hopeless. The only way to ensure I did not suffer the tribulations of what I believed to be an inevitable confession of love was to stop my own feelings of love. So what began as an experiment soon became a race. I would make you fall in love with Banthony before professing your love to anyone else, therefore eliminating what myself or Borusa's feelings may be.

And there, I think, we are brought just about up to date. I have enjoyed our little trip down memory lane, but past here lies only a happy future for you and Banthony.

Goodbye, Rassilon

- Omega xoxo

I- I don't know what to say.

Omega, if this is really you, if you somehow, by every twist and turn of fate imaginable, survived this long in some form... My love for you has always been the greatest of any I have felt. Never have I loved another in the way I loved you.

But that is in the past. I have to stop letting you hold me back. I made my decision that fateful day; I did what I had to do to reach the top, to shape this society- our society, our dream- in the way that it must be shaped. Gallifrey could never have had two rulers. You knew this going in. And, best of all, dearest love, you knew that I would not be able to stand a threat to my power and my control. So, as much as I loved you, Omega, my sweet Ohm, my darling Peylix, I had to let you go. For us, for our home, for our people, for our dream. For Gallifrey. We would both be dead and gone by now if I had not, but now, you live on in your beautous creations, and in our shared society. Look at our children. At what we have created. This must be enough.

Oh, but my darling, you never could be so easily satisfied.

That is why I loved you. And that is why I had to let you go.

If this really were you, I would say, dearest Ohm, that I am glad you are able to let me go. I know that must be exceedingly difficult. But, I am happy with Borusa, and I do not love Banthony. If I did not have Borusa to think of, perhaps things would be different, and I would honour your wishes. Perhaps, then, you may finally find peace.

I am truly sorry that I must leave you trapped in your death, but you will never be in a world without my love. My love for you transcends the grave- and yes, I know, it must be your grave, my darling, for you cannot have survived beyond. I know, in my hearts, that you are gone and that this cannot be from you, not really, for you are lost to all but my memory.

Goodbye, my love. For whatever isn't left of you, for whatever could have been- my love for you persists even now, across regenerations and across death and across time.

#sorry it took me so long to get here #this is truly the most incredible ask I have ever received #ask #omega #of rassilon #answer #banthony #borusa #also. a little obsessed with the idea of a once-enraged ex lover returning to being obsessed with the guy who LITERALLY MURDERED HIM only t #end up wanting the best for him and trying to match make him. And instead of choosing to encourage the love of a fellow obsessive sub who #is clearly in an unhealthy relationship with Rassy (Borusa) #ergo mirroring his own lost relaitonship #he chooses to encourage the love of a FICTIONAL CHARACTER who was basically a MEME brought to life only to annoy Rassy #idk what you call it... character development?? BUt this is certainly wonderful and intriguing and hilarious #seriously. you are brilliant #also I think it's important to mention that the mian reason this took me so long to get to was because the first time I read it I opened it #at school and burst out laughing in front of everyone #and I haven't been able to answer this without laughing uproariously for so so long #and then I took the break and then I left town for a bit #but I'm back and I'm still laughing so so much and yet here we are #I did it!!! #also I hope Borusa sees this and gets mad and finally leaves this bitch (rassy) #he deserves better #find later #omega omega omega

[mattodore]

can you describe matthias and theo night routines? and their sleep schedule

<3 ly

Theo doesn’t get a lot of sleep since he’s either out partying into the long stretches of the night or up studying until the words begin to blur on the page. I’d say he normally falls asleep around 3AM-4AM and doesn’t wake back up until 7AM. Four-ish hours is pretty average for how much sleep he gets a night… maybe less at times if he’s more stressed than usual. I should add that he does sleep more when he’s staying over at Matthias’s or vice versa, but generally he tries his best not to let Matthias distract him from studying before bed… which only ever works out about a quarter of the time. Matthias can be... very persuasive.

In the case of Matthias, well… he’s a chronic insomniac whose insomnia is exacerbated by hallucinations and nightmares. Unsurprisingly, his sleep schedule is terribly inconsistent, but if he does sleep then I think he normally manages it sometime around noon and will stay asleep for about an hour or two. It’s actually very rare that he falls asleep during the night—especially after Theo begins to sleep over, as Matthias prefers to read and watch over him at that time instead. Theo has fits in his sleep (from nightmares that he never remembers…) and Matthias gently calms him so he doesn’t wake up.

The only time they fall asleep at around the same time is when they’ve been at it for a while and both need a break. Matthias doesn’t stay asleep for long, though… maybe an hour at most. He does sleep easier around Theo, but that’s mostly just when Theo is awake. I think Matthias finds a lot of comfort in knowing Theo is there watching over him. He went through a lot at the reformation school and there were many times within those years where sleep would be abruptly interrupted and then he’d be back on the killing floor, so to speak, so having someone there to watch over him… I think it really helps. Then, on the other hand, Theo sleeps pretty deeply after they’ve been having sex. There’s never a time he feels more cared for and adored than when Matthias is making love to him, so it's... a relaxing experience. It puts Theo's mind at ease and I think it’s probably when Theo feels the safest. So he'll sleep for a long while after, feeling cradled in Matthias's presence, his anxiety finally snuffed out.

As for their actual night routines… hm. They’re very different, especially before and after the start of Echthroi. 

Theo’s night routine stays pretty much the same throughout the story. He’s not one for self-care, like, at all. Because of that, he doesn’t necessarily have a routine… Theo’s honestly only really meticulous in his studies and everything else suffers for it. However, Theo physically cannot fall asleep unless he’s checked the locks on the windows and doors and closed all of the blinds and curtains. That’s the one routine of his he’s always sure to follow through on, even when he’s intoxicated or sleep deprived.

Otherwise, what else he does as part of his “routine” is up in the air. Sometimes he showers before bed, other times he showers after waking up. Sometimes he combs through his hair all nicely and other times he just impatiently rips his fingers through his hair and shrugs. Sometimes he forgets to brush his teeth, other times he forgets that he’s already brushed his teeth and ends up doing it again. He’s a bit of a mess. If he’s actually aware/awake enough to put himself to bed, then he’ll messily wipe any makeup off his face post-clubbing and/or he’ll shower post-hook up (if it’s the pre-Matthias part of Echthroi). If he’s tired from studying he’ll put all of his materials away and then flop down on his bed. If he has to see his parents in the morning then he’ll wind up in the bathroom for too long, brushing his teeth until his gums bleed. If we’re talking about Theo in the post-meeting Matthias part of the story then he might take a cold shower to try and get Matthias out of his head for a little bit, or he’ll find himself laying in bed staring warily at his phone. Hm… and in general Theo will hum lullabies to himself so he can fall asleep easier… it’s a childhood habit.

By nature of Matthias’s insomnia, Matthias doesn’t exactly find himself preparing for bed during the night like most people. He does, however, still run through his personal care routine at around 8pm. He showers, brushes, flosses, cleanses and hydrates, primps and preens, and then he’ll usually find himself entertaining guests or a partner for the night.

For Matthias pre-meeting Theo, he’s often not alone after dark as he has a string of men with whom he takes to his bed or a list of faceless people to call on whenever he wants to be surrounded by bodies and chatter. There are still quiet nights where he’s by himself or just with Imani, but they’re relatively few and far between. For Matthias post-meeting Theo… woof. He did sleep around here and there still, but I think he gave it up pretty early on… his mind was always swimming with thoughts of Theo and he couldn’t focus on nor did he find himself interested in the men he’d have under him. So after meeting Theo his usual night circuit changes and he often finds himself staying home and reading with some wine and the occasional glance at his phone, waiting for a response. Matthias does a lot of waiting when it comes to Theo.

If they're together at night (when they’re dating), then Matthias will usually make dinner for Theo. He likes feeding him (by hand, even, though Theo often protests). Normally Theo will have a few textbooks with him that he can study from while he waits for dinner and he always winds up going "give me a minute" when the food is finally done. They'll enjoy each other's company just fine at home or they'll go out for a drive or a walk. Theo often winds up getting roped into following along with Matthias's night routine and will poke fun at how fussy Matthias can be as Matthias does skincare beside him in the bathroom. Theo tries to get away with studying again later in the night, but Matthias likes to distract him as he’s personally offended whenever Theo whips out his textbooks past, like, 11PM. In general, they'll wind up having sex at some point, or multiple points, and then they'll shower together. After they towel off and Matthias dries Theo's hair, Matthias will most likely end up reading to Theo until Theo falls asleep. If Theo wakes up during the night, Matthias simply kisses him back to sleep.

#i feel like i should add a cw for theo brushing his teeth like that but have no idea what i’d tag it as… #river dipping #asks #anonymous #oc extras #theodore doe #matthias evanoff #a burning house to live in #echthroi #ts4 #laying on my stomach in bed kicking my feet in the air and smiling at my laptop screen <3 love you toooooo #i'm sorry it took me so long to get around to replying to this but the horrors... yk how they can be i'm sure #literally took me weeks to write this out... those questionnaires took a toll on my brain clearly but i love them so it's okay #let this get away from me in length a bit but. well. dennis reynolds voice i've got shit to say etc. etc. #no but ummm... honestly my personality disorder is still being a little crazy atm so i'm still not really ready to talk much um. #and i'm probably going to continue to stay offline here for a few more days... #but i wanted to finally post this bc i really am sorry for how long it took me to get around to it... #and i also wanted to say thank you to everyone who sent me messages even if i didn't respond bc i felt embarrassed. huge kisses <3 #seeing the ''24 days ago'' timestamp on this as i finally go to hit post... woof. again i'm so sorry 😭 thank you for letting me talk #your ear off about them tho!!! seriously so grateful to have someone who's curious abt them like huuuge kisses for you as well!

[beanghostprincess]

If anybody reads my Sanuso fantasy AU longass fic I need 10 pages of feedback or otherwise I will go insane

#clearly /j #but seriously tho i need. opinions like i need air #i'm sorry that sounds so needy JWNXKMEKDJS #i just never written such a long fic??? #i mean that byler fic i have is long but not THAT long #and i need. validation

[presefone]

*takes a deep breath* ok so i want to talk about my personal criticism regarding the myth of persephone in common media etc because this has been told so many times across enternainement that i feel like some of its meaning has been lost through time. i'm a huge history enthusiast so this plays a role, definitely, and i'm not saying anything else besides what i'm writing here is wrong ; these are just my thoughts on it. basically, hades and persephone are not the protagonists of the story and they never were. it was always demeter. homer called it 'the hym of demeter' and praises her love for her daughter instead of anything else. there's truly no discussion about 'hades and persephone's love'. hell, persephone doesn't even have a line in the hym ; we don't hear her thoughts at all, which of course opens to a very welcomed interpretation but alas, let's move on. zeus' offers his daughter to marriage without hers or her mother's consent and awareness. his daughter, who he never helped raise and nor was involved in any way. his daughter who was never truly his daughter in anything but conception, but was above everything else demeter's creation, her most treasured companion, her gift and sole happiness in a world of mortals and olympians. a young 'maiden', stolen by death, never to be seen again. all gods knew of zeus' allowance and where persephone had been sent to but couldn't tell demeter, at all, by orders of their king. yet one god took pity of demeter's pain, hekate. demeter, who roamed the earth crying for her baby, who was taken too soon, without warning, to the darkest place in myth ; death. and demeter, who raged like the mother earth herself to get her child back, who cried and screamed in pure agony : all of this is the central theme of the hym, not hades, not even persephone herself. this is a clear story about ancient greek lives where fathers would send off their daughters to marriage without questioning their wives, and where daughters died too young in the process. i say this because normally what we have is a very ''cool but brooding hades'' who is ''misjudged by everyone'' and a ''sunshine and flowers persephone who is the only one who makes him smile'' and against that we need a clear antagonist, so common perception has a demanding, cruel, controlling demeter. this is not accurate at all. demeter is not the villain and again, neither is hades ! but he isn't the victim here too ! did persephone go willingly? only two myths tell that, so, it isn't the wildly accepted version. in most, she was kidnapped, taken, or lurred. and after that, we don't hear what happened because unfortunately her view does not matter, nor hades', nor their possible bloom of love. it is not really her story nor hades'. i personally fufill that gap that yes, she did come to love hades, hence the eating of the seeds and the marriage bond (and after all, hades was hit by eros' out of aphrodite's demmand to avoid kore from becoming yet another virgin goddess, so again, outside forces). her position as queen became more and more tempting as she is a goddess and any god wants power and glory, a maiden to be rival to hera, and stand up to her mother as equals, and not just a tool to her existence. my persephone longs for that power, for that duty, for that respect, and i take into accord the other myths she comes by as the dreadful, just, allurring queen. i also complete in my head that it was always her destiny from the beggining to be a god of underworld, since her name itself is leading to a destroyer and not just spring. but it all comes down to the meaning of the hym, of demeter, of her being 'kore', being a girl, a young girl, stolen and taken too soon. dead too soon. like the many greek women who were sold off to marriage never to be seen again ; dying in more ways than one.

#and thus i invoke ╲ proserpine › about. #long post cw #i'm champion of the demeter squad #seriously #and so is persephone #she will fight bite her mom but she is the LOVE of her life tysm #the way this damn myth was twisted and turned in so many modern media #to be akin to grumpy x sunshine trope #i'm sorry it drives me nuts #its one of the reasons i'm selective w hades' shipping because i really don't want to go into that #their undertones present are much more interesting than just that trope that DESTROYS the original myths' morals and message