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samuel-de-champagne-problems · 3 years

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Band-Aids Don’t Fix Bullet Holes, But Your Kisses Do

summary: in a standoff with an unsub, reader makes a choice: her life or spencer’s.

pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader

category: angst/fluff at the end

warnings/includes: canon typical case violence, based off of episode “haunted” so spoilers, guns/gun violence, hospitals, kissing, mentions of hotch’s stabbing

word count: 3437

author’s note: i wrote this one a while ago and thought i’d share it. if anyone wants to be tagged, i’m going to figure it out and i’ll add you to a tag list!!

Band-Aids Don’t Fix Bullet Holes, But Your Kisses Do

The two agents that sat on swivel chairs facing each other fake arguing about an episode of Dr. Who. Spencer had his legs straight out, resting on Y/N’s lap comfortably. She leaned forward and placed her chin on her hand as she explained to Spencer her thoughts on the episode.

“Spencer, you cannot tell me that you don't think David Tennant is hot! I watched the episode with you and I can tell you are-"

“I’m not going to argue against that, Y/N. David Tennant is,” Spencer started as he fiddled with the lollipop that Garcia handed him when he and Y/N walked into the bullpen.

“Is what, Spence?” A teasing look graced her face as Spencer’s blush grew down his exposed neck and collarbone.

“He’s hot, okay Y/N is that what you want me to say!” Spencer’s voice rose a couple octaves from his admission over his not-so-subtle-crush on The Doctor.

“That’s exactly what I wanted you to say, Spencer. Least I know we have the same type” She said with a wink.

“You got a type, Y/N?” Derek called from the doorway of the conference room.

“Yeah, hot doctors with brown hair” Emily said without missing a beat. She had walked in behind Derek, the pair of them discussing her annual Sin-to-Win Weekend in Atlantic City.

“But they, you know, have to be like Time Lords, or whatever” She said in efforts to cover up her growing discomfort.

She turned her attention back to Reid, who was in the process of trying to remove his leg from her warm lap. He did not want to give Derek anymore ammunition to make sly jokes at his not-so-subtle-crush on his best friend/co-worker. Secretly, he wanted to keep his leg there, against her soft thigh and maybe she’d drop her hands on his leg in a comforting gesture of….friendship.

Garcia placed a tin decorated with white and orange cats dressed in bonnets on the table just within reach of Hotch’s usual spot near the monitor. Reid reached forward to open the tin, which he deduced was filled with Penelope’s infamous snickerdoodle cookies. Unfortunately, before the genius profiler could reach the gaudy tin, Penelope swatted his hand away from grasping the cookies.

“Hey! Those are for Hotch” Penelope shouted as she grabbed the tin and moved them closer to Hotch’s chair.

“What? You know I love cookies, Garcia. Come on, Hotch hates attention”

“I just made some cookies, it’s not like I made him a cake.” Penelope argued as Derek and Emily both quietly eyed the cookies.

“Spence, we’ll make cookies tonight. It looks like it’s just a paperwork day” Y/N said with a slight smile, that, in turn, elicited a big grin from an unsuspecting Spencer.

“Anyway,” Derek started as he chose to ignore the interaction that unfolded before him “we all know he’s going to act like nothing happened” he remarked as he fingered through the dozen case files spread out before him on the table.

“Doesn’t mean we have to,” Penelope said sadly as she looked down at the cat cookie tin.

“Maybe we should,” Reid said quietly to his co-workers.

“But, I’m not built like that!” said Penelope.

“Hotch is though, Penny,” Y/N noted as she snuck a cookie while Penelope’s back was turned. She broke it in half and handed it to Spencer under the table. He winked at her as she shushed him.

“Yeah, Y/N,” Spencer said with a mouthful of cookie, “Hotch never blinks” he finished with a large swig of lukewarm, sugared coffee.

“Classic Alpha Male” Spencer said, looking towards Derek.

“Do you think he stared down Foyet...you know while it happened?” Emily questioned. She was usually the one who could stomach all these, but when it came to the team, she was as nervous as the lot of them.

“It’s probably what saved his life,” Derek said somberly.

“He can’t be okay,” Penelope said with a whisper.

“I wouldn’t be,” Spencer said with an air of uncertainty, “I’m a blinker”

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There was an uncomfortable silence during the ride to Louisville. Hotch was more sullen than usual, but, thankfully, Garcia broke the tension with her reports via computer screen.

“Our point in Louisville is Lieutenant Kevin Mitchell, my contacts don’t report any more attacks related to this unsub” JJ relayed. She sat next to Derek, who was across from Hotch and Rossi. Emily sat criss cross on the table across from the foursome. On the small jet couch, Spencer and Y/N played a game of chess as they listened to the initial reports JJ received from the local PD.

“Call’s proving hard to track. He never had a driver’s license, so he’s probably still on foot,” Spencer mumbled without removing his eyes from the chessboard.

“Or public transportation,” Y/N added as she cringed when Spencer announced “check”.

“Well, he’s not going to get anywhere too far with his face all over the news,” Emily continued.

“So, what do we think the stressor is,” Rossi nodded.

“He just lost his job. Worked in a factory since 1990. He made appliances forever. Not a single promotion” Garcia’s voice came across a little staticky.

“That’s a long time to be bitter,” Derek posed.

“Or he just doesn’t care,” Reid countered.

“According, to what you sent over Garcia, he kind of seems like a hermit. Far as I can tell he’s got no one. No wife, no children, no parents.” Y/N added with a sad tone in her voice.

With a sharp tone, Hotch added “then why didn’t he kill himself?”

“He’s not finished killing yet,” Reid continued the thought, “check mate!”

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It was at times like these that it seemed like the case drags on forever. Call had kidnapped a little boy, who, Spencer had figured out was Call’s biological son. The local PD was getting them nowhere. Those overly macho cops seemed to be having a difficult time taking orders from JJ. Y/N watched as she marched over to Mitchell and demanded that he give a press conference.

Y/N chuckled quietly to herself as she watched the interaction. JJ was a force to be reckoned with, especially when the life of an innocent child was at stake. That cop had no idea who he was challenging.

“Hey, Y/N,” Spencer called from his spot in front of the whiteboard. It was decorated with a combination of their messy, rushed handwriting. Spencer grasped his blue marker and looked at Y/N with a painful expression.

“I’m not getting anywhere with this geographical profile,” Spencer’s somber tone flooded Y/N’s emotions with an overwhelming sense to comfort him.

“Spencer, put the marker down and look at me, please, for a second.” He obliged as he turned to face her.

Y/N reached up on her tiptoes to gently rub her hands along the base of Spencer’s neck. He could feel the tension melt away. Spencer was not one for physical affection, but he realized that he, in fact, craved the soft touches of people he trusted. Whether it was a brotherly pat on the back from Morgan, a playful high five from Garcia, a proud fist bump from Hotch, Spencer had grown to seek out affection.

“Y/N,” he said. His voice but a whisper in the loud, hectic bullpen.

“Shh,” She could sooth his worries just with a graze of her hands across his neck. It was magic to a scientist. Her magical presence set him on fire.

“Hey, we can do this, Spence, all of us, but we need you,” Y/N voice mirrored his own. A hushed whisper that fueled the flames of his love.

Instead of kissing her forehead or even hugging her, all Spencer could make out was a small thank you, before, like the wind, she was gone to see if Garica had any updates on the missing boy.

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In a frantic hour, Garcia had discovered a possible location of Tommy and his father, Darrin. Like most the unsubs, they were children of tragedy. Children of abusive homes and of deep rooted violence. It was up to the team, as they raced down the street in their crowded SUVs, to stop the cycle of violence for claiming another innocent child.

“Hotch, you are on speaker,” Emily called from the passenger seat of the car as Derek sped down the warehouse where they suspected Tommy to be held.

“Do not go in there without SWAT, do you all here me?” Hotch said sternly.

“That means you, Derek, don’t go in there till backup gets there,” JJ added from the phone that Emily held.

“You got it, boss man,” Derek made a sharp turn that led Y/N to nearly fall into Spencer, who sat next to her.

“Spencer! Where is your vest!?” Y/N asked him impatiently, with a tinge of nervousness and fear laced in her tone.

“Y/N, Call doesn’t have a gun, he’s been using weapons of opportunity. The profile points to him not even being armed right now. If anything-”

“Screw the profile, Spencer!” Y/N’s voice was hysterical now. “You need to where a damn vest, you are an FBI agent, if you get-”

Y/N’s rant to Spencer was stopped short by the disturbing sight before her. From the SUV the four of them could see an even more distraught Call standing out in the middle of the warehouse parking lot. He held Tommy by the neck, with a gun pointed at his temple. Derek stopped the car and jumped out, his gun wielded as he began to try to talk the man down.

“Call, drop the weapon and release Tommy, right now!” Derek’s voice loomed large and powerful as Emily, Reid, and Y/N each got out of the vehicle and turned their spots with Morgan.

“You don’t want to hurt Tommy,” Spencer started. “we know who he is to you, we know that he’s your son, and that you weren’t there for him.” He put his gun away in an attempt to show Call that he was not a threat. Y/N could read the desperation in Spencer’s voice from a mile away. Call, like Spencer’s mom lives with schizophrenia. Spencer and Hotch nearly had it out in the middle of the bullpen after Spencer insinuated that Hotch was implying that Call was only going on this murder spree because of his condition.

“Just let the boy go, Call.” Y/N continued the track that Derek and Spencer started. “Just let your son go. We will make sure that you can get medicine, that’s why you went to the pharmacy, right? You need meds to help yourself and then,-”

Out of the corner of her eye, Y/N could see Spencer inching closer and closer to Tommy. As if it was a chain reaction, Call drew his weapon and fired towards Spencer. Before she even could realize the consequences of her actions, Y/N tackled Spencer to the ground. The bullet lodged itself into the Kevlar vest she wore. Her side burned as she came to understand what had transpired in the last couple of seconds.

Spencer scrambled onto his knees and clutched Y/N’s cold hands in his.

“Spence, I’m okay,” Y/N said as she struggled to sit up straight with Spencer practically laying on top of her.

“No, Y/N! Don’t do that,” Spencer started with tears flooding the corners of his eyes. The little droplets made his sometimes brown and sometimes green eyes sparkle with sadness.

Spencer moved his hands from the place where the bullet lodged itself in her Kevlar to grasp her face tenderly. But his movement caused her cheek to be painted with a deep red handprint in the shape of the crying man crouching before her hand.

“Spencer,” she let out a small whimper when she saw the look of horror on his face. Before he could even ask her why she did what she did, Y/N passed out, her limp, cold hand finding its home in the comfort of soft, warm ones.

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The rest of the case passed in a numbing hum for Spencer. Once Y/N got shot by Call he let go of Tommy and Derek shot him the leg. Spencer did not even stay for when Emily and Derek apprehended the unsub. It was like his legs acted of their own accord when the EMT showed up for Y/N and he walked with them never letting go of her hand.

The ride to the hospital in the back of the ambulance was hectic. The EMTs had to monitor her heart rate, her blood pressure, and her oxygen. Even the temptation of numbers could not capture Spencer’s attention as he mulled over the possible conclusions to why Y/N would take a bullet for him. There was no logical reason for it. Not one. Spencer let the steady rocking of the ambulance to soothe him as he gently rubbed his thumb over Y/N’s hand. Even though he longed to hold her against himself, this would have to do, for now at least. Till then, Spencer forced his mind to focus on the pattern that her beating heart created.

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Hospitals terrified Spencer. The smell, the sick people, the people who were unsavable. Part of him wonders what his life would be like if he became a medical doctor. As a kid, he had a future where he could do anything he could dream of. Cure schizophrenia on Monday, operate on an inoperable tumor on Tuesday- that’s what his life could have been like.

But sitting there, in the sterile hospital with the white walls and constant beeping, Spencer’s mind was only thinking of another life he could be out living. In the minutes that he sat with Y/N as she lay in pain in his arm, false memories of a life together painted in his mind. Laughing children, family picnics, couple’s Halloween costumes. He stroked her hair and saw a life so familiar that he could almost taste it. He tasted cookies that they baked together as they danced without a care in the world. He tasted Halloween and Forth of July and all the holidays in between. He tasted butterfly kisses with his children that had her hair and her eyes and her smile.

He was stripped away from those memories that he didn’t even own. Now all he could taste was the bitterness of regret, the sourness of what if, and the tartness of the nightmares masquerading as reality.

“Family of Y/L/N,” a surgeon dressed in light blue scrubs walked into the waiting area with an unreadable expression on her face.

JJ and Derek stood up immediately as the doctor went to continue to deliver the news.

“She’s awake and doing okay,” the doctor said with a relieved expression.

“Oh that goodness,” JJ said as she hugged Emily in a moment of happiness.

“She’s a fighter,” Derek quipped, “I’m going to call Garcia, she’s probably a nervous wreck”

“She’ll make a full recovery, but should avoid air travel because her internal bleeding,” the doctor reported, “also, which one of you is Spencer? Even since she’d been lucid, she’s been asking for you,” she said looking around at the remaining group, with her eyes landing on the man in question.

“She is?” Spencer questioned carefully. He was worried that maybe she regretted jumping in front of him.

“Yes, why don’t you come with me. It may make her more comfortable having someone she wants with her”

Y/N wants him.

Him.

Spencer was not sure how he even walked himself down the corridor to where Y/N’s room was located. But sure enough, he was met with her ashen face beaming up at his.

“Y/N! Oh my goodness, are you okay, I mean, obviously you’re injured so you’re not okay. I don’t mean to invalidate your pain, I just...why, Y/N, why on Earth would you do that?” Spencer finished. His voice was more tender towards the end. He looked down at his friend before him and tried to read the expression that graced her face.

“Spencer, I did what I had to do. You….you would have died,” Spencer noticed the tears that puddled in her eyes and had to suppress the sudden urge to kiss them away.

“I’d rather die than live my life in a world without you, Spencer.”

Spencer closed his eyes and sat down on the bed with her.

“Why?” he asked in a voice that was hardly audible. It can’t be, he thought. Maybe this is just something that a teammate does for another teammate. Comrades in arms or something like that, he thought. Trying to make sense of senselessness.

“Why do you value my life more than yours? Why-how can you do that” there was not stopping tears in his eyes now. She reached out and held his face, like he held her as she bled out in the warehouse only a couple of hours ago.

“Spence, my life would be dull and gray without you in it. You’re my best-” She stared as he tensed up at what he knew was coming. She only jumped in front of him because it’s what a teammate does.

“Please, I can't bear to hear that. I-maybe you only can think of me as a teammate or worse a brother, but part of me. A hopeful and romantic part of me that I can't let go of the thought of you thinking about in a different way,” he was so embarrassed, so raw in the moment that he could not bear to even look her in the eyes.

“Spencer?” he could only watch the way that their fingers laced together. He focused on the patterns between the itchy hospital blanket.

“Y/N,” he started and took a deep breath. Spencer had never intended to tell her this. Maybe in moments of drunken bravery he thought about it, but he’d always sober up before his dreams could come to fruition.

“I’m a logical man, I solve problems for a living but sometimes. Sometimes, I can’t use logic to solve some problems, and there’s no logical reason for you to jump in front of a bullet for me. Unless you love me? And I hope with every fiber of being that you do, because I am so desperately in love with you”

Spencer allowed himself, for the first in his life, to have once of hope and faith.

Y/N’s eyes met Spencer’s in an uncharacteristically shy moment.

“I do, Spence. Of course I love you”

Spencer let out a nervous laugh as he, once again, gently placed his hands on her jaw. He placed a kiss on her forehead. The small, tender affection elicited a whimper from Y/N. Spencer jumped back in horror.

“Oh, honey did I hurt you? You gotta tell me where it hurts” he murmured in a comforting voice.

“Hmm, no I’ve just been waiting five years for you to kiss me and you settle on my forehead?” Y/N beamed up at him expectantly.

“Nowhere do you want me to kiss you, my dear?” Spencer questioned playfully.

“How about in between everywhere and anywhere you want, Doctor Reid,” Y/N, despite the pain, managed a smile for the man that held her hand so lovingly.

“How about here?” Spencer leaned forward and kissed the left corner of her mouth.

“Or here?” The right corner.

“What about here, I’ve dreamed of kissing you here.” He moved his mouth to meet the place on her neck that met her collarbone. Y/N looked up at Spencer dreamily. One day she might chalk it up to the painkillers flooding through her system, but the pure adoration that melted from Spencer’s lips to her skin was something that never knew she’d crave.

“And here”

His lips parted slightly as he moved in to meet hers. The feeling was more divine and earth shattering than when Prometheus gave humans fire. Together, intertwined in bedsheets, IVs, and fingers laced with hair, they lit a fire of their own. Kissing Spencer stopped time.

It was Y/N who broke first.

“Spencer,” she said with a new reverence that would only be reserved for him.

“Yes, sweet girl?”

“You gotta promise me something,” she said as she raked her hands across his arms, feeling him shudder under her touch.

“Anything and everything for you” he said, mirroring her earlier words to him.

“Wear a vest next time”

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds fic #spencer reid x reader angst #spencer reid x reader happy endings #dr spencer reid #spencer reid x fem!reader #dr spencer reid imagine #criminal minds fanfic #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fluff

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saphirered · 3 years

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The Lovers

Spoilers for Campaign 2 Ep141

Man oh man oh man. I've had this one written since the day after the last episode but I've been soooooo hesitant to post it at all 🙈. Anyway... I'm just gonna regardless because it's just sitting there staring at me to either delete or post it 🤭. I hope you enjoy because I'm still so conflicted about his piece of writing 😅. Unless people actually like it I might just end up deleting it after all.

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Jester had asked you to come along on another journey of the Nein Heroez. She needed your expertise for something but couldn’t get across what for within the twenty-five word limit. Regardless, the opportunity to see and travel with your friends is not one you’re just going to pass on so of course you happily made your way to Nicodranas. Maybe the ocean would do you some good. It’s been a while after all.

In the first few days of your journey Jester had been keeping a close eye on you, watching your responses and reactions. Specifically your reactions to any and all interactions with a certain lavender tiefling. When she was certain your responses to the tiefling in question were not in any way negative and cordial if not friendly you found yourself being paired with him more often than not. Watch, hoisting the sails or dropping them, food shifts and even at the helm a few times.

You caught an argument between Fjord and Jester a few weeks later. Fjord was defending you and telling Jester she couldn’t just play matchmaker after everything that had happened between the previous inhabiter of Kingsley’s body and you and how it might still be a painful subject of not once but twice being faced with someone that’s not the person you loved and lost.

Jester seeing reason in Fjord’s arguments put aside the love story she’d been trying to unfold with you and the poor tiefling as her main characters. The shifts you shared with Kingsley came to a close and would be no more often than any shifts shared with anyone else on the crew.

One day the Nein Heroez made port to stock up on some supplies after being hit by a storm and running short on food. The crew was given some downtime to enjoy the many pleasures port has to offer but you decided to stay back at the ship. You asked Jester for the cards.

You’re sitting crosslegged on the docks watching the sunset as the crew leaves in groups bidding you goodbye while they go. Once the majority of them have left you take out the cards and begin laying them in certain patterns starting with simple ‘yes/no’s onto the past present future and more complicated readings. You’re not paying attention to any particular results but instead study the drawings fondly.

“You’d call me a sentimental fool.” You snicker as the fool card is revealed in front of you.

“Sentimental? Yes. A fool? I’ve yet to decide.” You turn around at the familiar voice seeing the tails of the black sleeveless coat you’ve grown accustomed to seeing around. You pick up the cards and put them back in their order stacking them.

“Oh really? You’d think a few weeks of being not so inconspicuously paired together on any task possible would give you enough time to form an opinion on that?” You tease beginning a new read.

“Maybe that makes me the fool then.” You can almost hear the smirk in his words.

“Care to find out?” You put down card by card face down. You know how to push for certain results. A trick you’d picked up from your former lover. It feels right to use it against him in a strange twisted way like this. Not really him but close enough.

Kingsley sits down to the side, not trusting you to not push him off the docks if he were to make an offensive (in jest of course) remark. Gathering the cards back up you start over. Time for a bit of fun. You push for the first card setting it down face up in front of him.

“The owl and the bear. Some might say the most deadly combination when put together. Be watchful of the owl’s words or you might find yourself at the ends of the bear’s claws.”

“So it was a good idea to sit on this side and avoid meeting my waterlogged demise.”

“Are you doubting my capabilities, Kingsley?” You smirk and watch the tiefling gulp. You move on to the next card making a show of pulling it from the deck and displaying it.

“Look at that! What did I say. The fool has appeared. The cards have spoken. my fool.” You take a bow as if addressing the most pretentious royalty around limited only by your crosslegged position on the docks. Kingsley can’t help but let out a chuckle at your theatrics.

“The cards have spoken indeed! A fool I must be.” He plays along. You begin picking up the two cards and restack the deck.

“Hey hey hey, isn’t there supposed to be three cards for this one? Not two?” You stop. He’s not wrong technically. You raise an eyebrow at him, fan out the cards and allow him to pull one from the deck as per the variant of this reading, putting the fate in the hands of the drawer. Not really of course. Usually you’d still be able to push for a card for them to draw but for this one you’d leave it up to the divines. You’ve had your fun.

And fun it was until Kingsley kept the card for himself, studying it closely. You were curious to see which one he pulled but you hadn’t exactly paid attention to that like you’d otherwise done. You wait for him to either give it back or tell you what it is but he takes a long time.

“So what is it?” You ask, your curiosity getting the better of you. It still takes a good few seconds before he lowers the card so you can see it too.

“Oh.” Is all you manage to vocalise upon seeing the card. The Lovers. The familiar drawing of a lavender tiefling looking at another figure arm outstretched and love in their eyes. The image of the tiefling reaches for the outstretched hand of the other figure; your figure. You’re staring back at your own face and the expression Mollymauk had claimed to have plenty of visual references for to know he could properly draw you but would always ask for one more just to remind him.

“I’m so sorry.” Kingsley hands the card back to you and you keep staring at it. He stays for a little bit to make sure you’re alright as you’re hit with a whirlwind of emotions. Once he’s sure you’re alright he begins to get up.

“I’ll leave you to the rest of your evening. Someone’s gotta make sure these fools drink just enough and start a brawl or two.” You snap out of it putting the card back into the deck.

“Kingsley. It’s alright. You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.” The whirlwind subsides and you return back to a peaceful state of mind. You offer the tiefling a kind smile and he halts himself sitting back down still somewhat tense. He opens his mouth to say something but is quick to close it again. There’s a moment of silence between the two of you as you shuffle the cards absentmindedly. You catch onto the conflict and hesitation in Kingsley’s features.

“If there’s something you wish to say please do say it.”

“When you said you loved him… I think it never registered it was anything other than the love the others held for him. Strongly yes but I always assumed it was akin to Yasha’s. Why didn’t you say anything?” Kingsley states piecing things together watching you closely.

“It’s not a burden for you to bear.” You pull the Lovers card back up to the top and study it closely.

“I might not know much but I don’t think being faced with your dead lover’s body inhabited by someone not him doesn’t bother anyone. That’s just cruel.”

“It doesn’t bother me. Not anymore. I’ve grieved Molly when he died. I grieved him again when Lucien returned. I’ve gone through it all and accepted he’s not coming back and that’s okay. Everything comes to an end at some point. I don’t think it’s cruelty. I think everything is as it should be.” You speak honestly stroking your thumb over the card.

“I have so many questions.” Kingsley states. You get it. He woke up one day, recovering from death not knowing who he is or was before that moment beyond emotions and flashes of a past that didn’t feel like his. That’s exactly why you wanted to spare him another previous relation to figure out. Yes it might make things slightly more difficult for you but that’s not his fault. That’s no one’s fault.

“And I believe Beau gave you her notebook so you can read back about your predecessors. But you’re not ready for that yet, are you? That’s okay. Don’t read it until you feel ready.” Kingsley’s head shoots up to look at you. Why do you understand him? Maybe you’re wiser than he gives you credit for but he thinks you’re already pretty wise.

“Expectations. Everyone expected something of me but I didn’t live up to it. I’m not who he used to be and that disappoints people. But from you, you never expected anything from me. Why?” He’s piecing it together bit by bit. You never slipped up. Never asked him to put on a coat that wasn’t his or asked him if he remembered something. You never even asked him if he recalled anything about you or sought to involve yourself in his life without his permission.

“It’s unfair to expect someone to be or become someone they’re not and never will be. You get to be your own person free of the constraints of the past.” The answer is simple. There’s no deceit or doubt. No hidden message or intent behind it.

“How is it you of all people can say that without pain or regret or wishing it were different?” You turn the card back around and put it back in the deck in its place and put the cards away. You take a second before answering trying to formulate a proper answer as Kingsley waits studying every micro expression.

“Bear with me for this one.” You start and he nods. “Lucien was born lonely forced to fend for himself and make friends out of the need to survive. Molly rose from a grave alone and scared. He was taken in by friends but he had to find a home his home with them. He found that home and got kindness and love. You awoke surrounded by friends, no family you didn’t even know but would still love you regardless. No matter what, you’d always have a home with them. You’d be neither alone nor lonely unless you choose to be.” You explain and take breath before you continue.

“You plant random seeds in the ground it’s very unlikely you’re going to receive the same flower twice. The only similarity they have is that they are seeds and will grow as long as they have the right foundations to do so. When I look upon you I see Kingsley Tealeaf, a man that became a sailor after we brought him back from the Astral Sea. There may be similarities, your roots may even be the same but you are not the same. You are separate.”

Kingsley takes in your words very carefully with a sense of understanding and something with in him he couldn't quite pinpoint until now. Acceptance and content. Whatever might have been holding him back before, he’ll have to come to terms with that. That’s the past and if the past comes searching for him one day, so be it. Until then, Kingsley Tealeaf has a life of his own to live and to enjoy. Enjoy all life has to offer, to its fullest and don’t hold back.

Let the sailor become captain of his own ship knowing he has a home and a family that will welcome him with open arms to return to. Let the eight be nine despite the expectations of others. Be free and be happy. Live content.

#critical role spoilers #critical role #critrole x reader #critical role x reader #mighty nein x reader #mighty nein #kingsley tealeaf #kingsley x reader

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rusty-k · 3 years

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A Theory About the Saint of Duty

[HTN/TLT SPOILERS]

Hey TLT people--

There was a reddit thread about the Saint of Duty the other day (link), and I commented some G1deon thoughts of mine that’ve been brewing in my head for a while. I figured I’d bring them to the tumblr tag to open up some discussion and see if anyone else buys this theory, or honestly just to spread some G1deon love. (I imprint on minor characters; it’s a curse.)

This is more or less copied from my reddit comment word-for-word, but here’s some general thought on Gideon the First’s personality, and why I have a theory that he might’ve lobotomized himself like Harrow:

G1deon character thoughts

G1deon as we know him in HtN is likely very different from the man he must've been 10,000 years ago. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if he changed significantly between the start of the Wake affair and the events of book 2.

More so than any of the other Lyctors, Gideon and Pyrrha seemed to have had this strong synergy going on. Unlike most necros, Gideon is a buff beef jerky man, and we see two rapiers in G&P's room. The winnowing/construct trial is also referred to as "Pyrrha's trial," which has always struck me as a curious detail and suggests to me that Pyrrha knew more about necromancy than cavs generally do. We know that the saintly epithets refer to the cavs, in general, but I don't think that was exactly the case for G&P; based on the previously stated, I believe they were both equally dutiful people, willing to throw themselves into each other's studies and share each other's skills.

Aug and Mercy were forced to rush their Lyctorization process because of their reckless cavs, and G1deon was next, but the fact that Pyrrha compartmentalized suggests they were closer to figuring it out than Aug and Mercy were--which I think is greatly due to the harmony of their relationship.

We know from what the other Lyctors & John have said that Gid loved and respected Pyrrha deeply. I wouldn't be surprised if the ferocity with which he threw himself into his saintly work over the 10,000 years emerged--at least partially, if not primarily--from his devotion to her. There's Pyrrha, the most spectacular cav and an all-around badass, and Gideon--having taken her to fuel his ascension--acting as John's attack dog with an intensity that would make her sacrifice worthwhile.

It's difficult to gauge how much Gideon actually enjoyed any of this; John seems to think he did, but I wouldn’t trust John for shit, and I'm sure John's understanding of G1d is heavily skewed in his own favor.

I think it's also important to consider Pyrrha's side of this story as it relates to G1deon’s current state, as well as the Wake affair. Her actions raise several questions. First of all, how long did it take for her to realize that she could take control of his body? How exactly did it happen, the first time? And how aware is Gideon? Does he have any inkling at all? Is there something more to his forgetfulness, something purposeful?

I have to imagine that in any case, Pyrrha must have gone through a lot over those 10,000 years. 10,000 years of odd sensory deprivation, which was probably hell for a fiery badass like P. 10,000 years of watching Gideon put up with John's bullshit, of watching the other Lyctors die off one-by-one and accumulate a host of mental, physical, and emotional scars. I'm convinced that Pyrrha's relationship with "duty" changed over the course of the years as she watched from this disembodied perspective, and that her "treachery" against John (her affair with Wake & possibly feeding intel to the BoE) was just a natural progression of that change.

When Wake factors in, I'd bet good money that the driving factor in both Pyrrha and Gideon's attraction to her is that she reminds them both of Pyrrha. Hell, Pyrrha even says this outright: "She was the most dangerous woman I'd ever met who wasn't me." I imagine that P's attraction to Wake, beyond this cool display of cockiness, also emerged from a sort of nostalgia--maybe Wake reminds her of what life used to be when she had a body, when she could fight and command, when she had a cause to occupy her energy. On G1d's side, he sees a woman who's dedicated and dutiful, even if it's for an enemy faction, and a woman who would undeniably make one hell of a cavalier (I think someone says this in HtN, although I'm forgetting who, so correct me if I’m wrong). I'm sure there's nostalgia in it for him, too.

Then, there's elephant in the room: Wake's fiery red hair and Pyrrha's name, meaning "flame-colored." I'm convinced that at least some of the similarities were physical. And at the bottom of it all is the inherent sexiness of finding a worthy opponent who's also hot. Lol.

Gideon Prime Lobotomy Time(?)

Here's where things get squirrelly for me, and the main reason why I have a theory that G1d's current state might be partially self-inflicted.

G&P were having discrete affairs with Wake, which inherently brings up logistical questions. First of all, how? And how exactly did Wake come to "kiss" Gideon "before she realized what they were?" How long were the durations of time in which Pyrrha kept his body under her control? In any case, after Wake & Gideon initiated their leg of the affair, it continued throughout the two years up until Gideon Jr.'s birth, which implies that Gideon Prime had some agency and willfulness in all of it. It's difficult to imagine the permanently-spaced-out-thousand-yard-stare man we know in HtN actively participating in such an entanglement.

Of course, I’ll acknowledge that it's entirely possible that I'm wrong, and that Wake just jumps his bones when she feels like it, and he's like "ok I guess," so take this as you will; but I'd like to put forth the suggestion that G1d's memory loss and overall lack of lucidity might be self-inflicted, to the tune of Harrow's lobotomy. We don't know how aware Gideon is of Pyrrha's presence, but it does seem to be the case that Lyctors having an awareness of the cav is dangerous for the cav. Being an accomplished necromancer, I'm sure Gideon was/is a smart man. Pyrrha mentions that she was "able to go underground" from him, but what if Gideon started to catch on to Pyrrha's presence through the double-affair? What if Wake let something slip? What if the thing that Wake didn't realize about them was the fact that Pyrrha's survival depends on Gideon's lack of awareness?

What if he lobotomized himself at some point, after catching onto Pyrrha's presence, at the expense of his sanity?

What really strikes me is the post-incinerator scene (HtN ch.31, pg. 292 in the hardcover):

The Saint of Duty turned his body toward you. He was clutching his rapier; but it was idle ... His eyebrows were very slightly drawn together, a sort of exhausted crinkle. He looked at you, and he said in a voice you had known since you were eight years old: "I sometimes--forget."

It was the tone--clinical, enamelled, half-defensive, half-endangered--the tone of someone admitting a final fraily. It was familiar because you had used it yourself. Understand I am insane.

It's his quiet resolution that does it for me; he knows something's missing, and he's accepted it. He's being set up as a parallel to Harrow in this particular moment, and it just makes me wonder if the parallel goes beyond his understanding of his own “insanity” and extends to the means by which he has become "insane."

Pyrrha's already being set up as a parallel to Gideon Jr., both in terms of her formerly-skewed sense of duty and her compartmentalization, so I think this sort of dual-parallel between G1d and Harrow would work nicely, if only from a meta perspective.

In short, I think Gideon the First's feelings on everything that happened are complex, fraught. I think "duty" is what defined much of his personality, and I think what we see of him now is the result of split senses of duty having torn him apart:

he's torn between his devotion to Pyrrha (and by extension, ironically, his devotion to John) and his interest in (and perhaps love for) Wake;

torn between John's command to kill Harrow and whatever it is that caused him to pull punches (I'm guessing a combination of basic decency and solidarity); and

at the end of it all, he's quietly accepting of his own "frailty," understanding that the current situation is the shitty result of everything that's happened over the past myriad, and that there's likely no way to set himself straight, even though his shortcomings put him in direct conflict with the man he's "supposed to be," according to this awful religion, and according to what others think of him.

Anyway, for those who’ve stuck around, that’s all I have to say for now! I’m just so fascinated by the Saint of Duty/the Pyrwakeon story that’s going on behind the scenes; there’s such an understated intensity to it, and honestly, it didn’t even hit me until months after my first read-through.

I’m curious to hear what other people are thinking, too!

#the locked tomb spoilers #harrow the ninth #htn spoilers #harrow the ninth spoilers #I have Feelings about G1d #and I want to spread them #and it makes me Sad when people dunk on that beef jerky shrinkwrap man #lol #don't even get me started on how devastated I am that he died off-screen

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cheri-translates · 4 years

Text

[CN] Lucien’s Warm Morning Date (Eng Translation)

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for a date which has not been released in English servers! 🍒

There is a call BEFORE this date which is important in establishing context: here

Valentine’s 2020 Collection: Gavin // Kiro // Victor

The date begins with MC waking up in Lucien’s bed 👀

She starts recalling the events of the night before...

Turns out the drainage pipe in her house suddenly broke, and the person responsible for maintenance can only make it the next day.

Lucien: What do you plan to do tonight? If you don’t mind, you can spend the night here.

MC: No need, no need. I’ll feel even worse like this…

Lucien: What if I say that this is my form of gratitude for the cherries you gave me?

MC: I…

I look at Lucien’s smiling eyes and can’t seem to find a reason to refuse. I give him a light nod.

MC: Lucien, thank you! I’ll temporarily borrow your sofa for a night then!

Following the direction of my finger, Lucien looks at the long sofa in the living room and furrows his brows slightly.

Lucien: You should sleep in the bedroom.

MC: How could I do that! It’s unreasonable for the owner of the house to sleep in the living room.

Lucien: Who said that I was going to sleep in the living room?

Lucien leans over, a hint of slyness flashing across his eyes. Light laughter enters my ears.

Lucien: I always can’t help but tease you. Did you forget that my house has other guest rooms?

Back in the present, MC leaves the bedroom to find Lucien sleeping on the living room sofa

There’s a cup of cold coffee next to him, so MC guesses that he woke up in the middle of the night to work

She takes a look at one of the books on the table:

MC: “...tactile sensibility is located throughout the body. The level of responsiveness differs... this could be due to the differing distribution of nerves...” Response? Nerves? ...is this referring to the causal relationship between the two?

I speak softly, trying to continue exploring this uncharted territory.

“Every part of the skin has incredibly rich and keen sensitivity, and will cause...”

MC: Rich and keen sensitivity?

I lower my head and look at my own fingers. With a gentle rub, the smooth touch of the paper lingers on my fingertips.

I nod thoughtfully, and then touch Lucien’s sofa.

This time, the touch feels different from the book - it has a soft, suede texture.

As though conducting my own tiny experiment, I reach out to carefully feel the items in my surroundings.

The feeling of items which are usually taken for granted becomes interesting with my deliberate effort.

MC: What else can I test...

My eyes unconsciously drift over to Lucien. His breathing is as steady and even as always.

MC: As long as I don't wake him up...

Enraptured by an unknown emotion, I reach out to touch Lucien’s cheek lightly with a finger.

What travels from my fingertips is a soft touch different from all the other items.

My finger lingers a while longer before I carefully draw it back.

MC: ...Lucien?

I try calling him, but his eyes remain shut, and there are no signs of him waking up.

At that moment, an even bolder idea bubbles from my heart.

I bend down and lean closer to him, doing my best to control my increasingly nervous breathing. It’s as though every cell in my body is trembling from this small “adventure”.

Lucien’s eyelashes cast a faint shadow, and it moves in a regular pattern along with his breathing.

I purse my lips nervously. Even though I haven’t done anything yet, my cheeks heat up involuntarily.

It’s as though there are two contending voices in my head. I remain in this position, staring at him.

Lucien: Are you going to keep looking at me like that?

MC: ...!?

Lucien’s voice breaks my train of thought. My body has no time to react, and I remain in this posture, looking at him dazedly with wide eyes.

His eyes are clear and bright, without the slightest trace of tiredness or drowsiness.

The signal in my brain is finally restored. I snap out of my daze and stare at him, at a loss.

MC: When... when did you wake up!

Lucien: Hmm... from around the time you sat beside me.

MC: ...then why did you pretend to be asleep!

Lucien: I was too curious about what this inquisitive student wanted to do, so I chose to observe.

Lucien turns over, using both hands to prop himself up. He smiles and looks at me.

Lucien: What are you going to do next?

My pounding heartbeat renders me unable to calmly find a reasonable excuse.

MC: I... I just wanted to use this chance to take pictures of your sleeping face!

The hand I retracted digs into my pocket, and I realise that I had left my phone in the bedroom. In my panic, I can only extend both hands to form a picture frame pose.

Lucien nods his head thoughtfully, and the silhouette from the backlight casts him in a faint golden rim.

Lucien: Is that so? This is the first time I know that the photographer has to lean so close to observe the model.

MC: ...a detailed and comprehensive understanding of the model is necessary to produce good work!

Lucien: When you’re the one being photographed next time, I’ll definitely apply what I’ve learnt.

The corners of his lips lift, and his narrow eyes curve upwards.

MC: There wouldn’t be a next time!

Pretending to be annoyed, I reach to cover his mouth, but he breaks free with ease, and encases me in his arms.

The arms embrace me unhurriedly, forming a gentle, soft, and inescapable shackle.

The breath around my forehead tickles, and I don’t dare to lift my head to meet his eyes.

Lucien: It seems I should pretend to be asleep for a while longer, so I wouldn’t spoil this photographer’s plan of taking secret photos.

I lower my head, not knowing if the heat on my cheeks is a result of the sunlight from outside the window, or the warm breaths from his nose.

Lucien: However, this kind of morning is not bad.

His low voice enters my ears. Lucien lifts his hand and helps me tuck stray hair behind my ear.

Lucien: Good morning, MC.

After freshening up in the bathroom, MC heads to the kitchen to wash cherries

She's still blushing from earlier

The cooling touch of the cherries makes her think about how she almost touched Lucien’s lips just now

Lucien comes in to check on her

Lucien: So these are the “extremely sweet cherries” you mentioned yesterday?

Lucien mimics my tone, and his breath falls onto my ears, setting off a touch of warmth.

I clumsily pick out a cherry from the bowl, shake off water droplets gently, and lift my hand to bring it to Lucien’s mouth.

MC: If you don’t believe me, give it a try.

Lucien lowers his head, his hair brushing against my cheek. He opens his mouth slightly, and bites the cherry from my hand.

The tender touch is fleeting on my fingertips.

MC: ...how is it?

Lucien nods, but doesn’t give me an answer. There is a narrow light in his eyes.

Lucien: There is one thing I’m curious about. You’ve been touching different things since just now. Could you tell me why?

Following Lucien’s gaze, I lower my head to look at the cherry I have 'ravaged’ in my palm, and I react immediately.

MC: This... this is because...

Thinking back to what I did just now, my tone turns hesitant.

MC: Just now, I saw one of your reference books on how tactile sensibility is everywhere, so I got a little curious. I’ve never taken notice of the tactility of different objects, so I just... found myself wanting to give it a try.

Lucien: Are you very interested in this area of research?

MC: ...mm, you’re right! I might even find inspiration for a program from it.

Seeing me nod vigorously, the smile in Lucien’s eyes deepens. He asks me in a joking manner:

Lucien: Do you require any assistance from me? I might have a lot of reference books you may be interested in.

MC: I’ll have to trouble Professor Lucien then!

Lucien smiles while nodding, and doesn’t continue with his questions.

They sit together on the sofa and Lucien explains science stuff to her using the book she was reading just now

Brace yourself for Lucien’s science rant:

Lucien: The topic this time is the effects that physical contact via different parts of the body have on dopamine secretions in the brain. Also, whether dopamine can be used in reverse - to become feelings experienced by the body.

MC: Dopamine... feelings...?

Lucien: Mm. In our brain, there is a substance called dopamine. It is related to excitement, pleasure, and similar positive emotions.

The combination of unfamiliar and academic vocabulary leaves me wandering around in a cloudy mist.

Lucien smiles, unconsciously smoothening my furrowed brows. His voice softens.

Lucien: Just listening to the subject can be quite difficult for one to grapple with, but the concept itself is very easy to understand. Let me give you an example.

He takes up the blanket on the sofa, signalling me to give it a touch.

Perhaps due to the concentration of my senses, both my hands are covered with warm velvet, bringing with it more obvious comfort than ever before.

Lucien: Do you feel anything special?

MC: It’s very comfortable and makes me feel relaxed.

Lucien nods, reaching out to rub my hair out of habit. Then, following the curve of the back of my head, he strokes my neck.

The hand pausing on my neck is warm. The heat travels past my hair and onto my skin.

MC: This is even more comfortable...

The words are blurted out before I realise it.

Lucien is stunned for a moment, and there seems to be a different kind of light in his eyes.

His actions do not stop, and he continues caressing my neck, as though smoothening the hair of a cat.

Afraid that the topic would continue digressing to other places, I hurriedly pull us back to the academic problem we were discussing earlier.

MC: So these feelings are evoked because of dopamine secretions?

Lucien: You could understand it that way. Physical contact is one reason for dopamine secretions, so...

MC: It will cause people to feel pleasure!

Like a student rushing to answer questions in class, I complete Lucien’s sentence before he can finish.

It wasn’t so that I could be praised. It is only through this way that I can ignore our closing distance, and force myself to melt into the logic Lucien has combed through for me.

Lucien: Exactly. You learn very quickly.

Lucien looks at me, smiling and yet not smiling, and suddenly stops his movements.

Instead, he exerts more pressure and holds my hand.

Lucien: However, making contact with different areas channels different feelings. For instance, right now.

Sensing the pressure and warmth from his palm, my heart rate speeds up.

Perhaps due to the concentration of my senses, every action from Lucien makes me feel different from usual.

In contrast to how his touch made me feel relaxed earlier, his fingertips now render me unable to suppress my rapid heartbeat.

MC: It does feel different...

I cough lightly, and try my hardest to gather my messy thoughts.

MC: When there’s a different feeling, the brain would also release different feedback, right?

Lucien: Such an understanding is not wrong. Which is why I’m very curious - what are you feeling now?

I bite my tongue and look around, wanting to divert the topic.

MC: If dopamine secretions are unquantifiable, then what are these charts?

Lucien lowers his head, and the corner of his lips turn up with an almost undetectable smile.

As though nothing happened just now, his fingers casually point at the book.

Lucien: These charts record body temperature, breathing rates, and brain activity. This is done to turn subjective feelings into data. With such an explanation, do you find it less difficult to understand?

After saying this, Lucien taps my forehead lightly.

I unconsciously rub the areas he has touched, and I feel as though my senses have doubled in my brain.

Even this normal action leaves a strange warmth on my skin.

Perhaps due to extraordinary strong dopamine secretions, I hide this atypical feeling in my heart, and relish its aftertaste.

After this, MC reads books while Lucien works on his computer

She starts inching towards him because she finds him more attractive than usual under the sunlight

Lucien notices and asks if she’s bored, but MC tells him to continue with his work and not mind her

Lucien asks if she’s hungry

But she isn’t because she has eaten half of the cherries that she bought for Lucien

She feeds him a cherry and starts blushing because d o p a m i n e

Lucien: Only little children like grabbing things and sending them to their mouths.

Hearing the joke in his meaning, I follow up with a question, unconvinced.

MC: Why is that so?

Lucien: As compared to the hand, the most primitive way that humans perceive the outside world is...

Lucien pauses, handing me a cherry naturally.

Not knowing what to do, I give it a bite. Before I can swallow it, his thumb gently touches my lips.

Lucien: Here.

MC: [blushing] ...

The sudden intimate touch leaves me at a loss, and my breathing begins to speed up.

His finger is in no rush to move away. A delicate sensation follows the warmth of his fingertips, slowly turning into a sweetness that I've never tasted before.

His gaze carries with it a warmth even more heated than the sunlight as it enters my eyes, and is sparkling.

The shadow and breathing continue to approach, descending on my eyelids, and I am unable to move.

Lucien: Among all the different body parts, lips are the most sensitive.

He lowers his head and smiles slyly, exerting more pressure on the finger pressed against my lips.

The touch brings with it strong colours, as though vowing to its existence, engraving itself directly into my memory.

My ability to think rationally disappears in an instant.

The sap from the cherry spreads between my lips and teeth, and an unclear affection circles in my heart.

I seem to have lost my sense of touch and taste. My entire heart and vision are occupied by Lucien.

...I want to feel even more of his unique flavour.

I straighten my back, giving him a light peck on the lips.

The noise that has been clamouring since this morning finally settles into a calm.

The pair of dark coloured eyes looking at me are stunned for a moment, before ripples of waves start flashing across his eyes.

The satisfaction of having my wish fulfilled leaves a dazzling dizziness in my heart.

I put some distance between us, and speak softly.

MC: Today, you’ve been asking me about how I feel - touch, taste... then... what do you feel now?

Lucien’s breathing halts for a few seconds.

His eyes, which always swallow me up when I’m not careful, are filled with complex emotions.

Seeing that he’s not giving me an answer, I summon my courage and draw closer to him.

In the next second, he suddenly grabs my wrist and pulls me towards him.

Lucien: Do you want to know my answer?

His low voice descends from the top of my head, like a soft yet inescapable net capturing me.

MC: I...

Before I can respond, my lips are dyed in warmth.

The most tender touch carries with it a temperature, and makes one want to submerge into it even more than any other feeling before.

Lucien: Is this answer sufficiently clear enough?

I can’t help but place my index finger on his ear, feeling a body temperature that is higher than normal.

MC: This is also the influence of dopamine, right?

Turbulent emotions surface in those deep, deep eyes.

Lucien: ...mm, you learn very quickly.

Even though this is a sentence that I’ve heard not long ago, his low voice stains it with a different colour this time.

The hand that had lightly lit a cluster of flames on my skin earlier finally lands on the back of my head with certainty, causing me to lift my head slightly.

This time, I cooperate and close my eyes.

An undisguised possessiveness spreads to the adjacent skin. In the midst of our entangled breaths, every suck and tender bite are his branded markings.

Soothed by each other’s temperatures, our hearts beat at the same frequency.

MC: Lucien...

I mumble his name.

MC: Actually, whether it’s because of dopamine or not, I feel very happy whenever I touch you. Right now, aside from you... I don’t want to think about anything else.

Lucien: ...

Lucien looks straight at me. His undulating emotions return to a calm, and carries a smile that I can’t quite understand.

Lucien: This time, I should be the one calling you 'teacher’.

MC: What...!

He clasps the back of my neck tightly. I have no way to escape, and can only gradually sink into this vortex.

The next kiss is unrestrained, frank, and telling.

It conveys the heart without the need for words.

When Lucien finally decides to let me go, letting me lean on his shoulder to catch my breath, he presses the side of his face onto mine, which feels extremely hot.

His fond voice burrows into my heart, not allowing me to be distracted.

Lucien: Because when it comes to this, only you can teach me.

The translucent curtains hang in front of the French windows, and there are a few clouds floating in the blue sky.

The sunshine is really nice.

🍒

🌸 MOMEMTS 🌸

Lucien’s Post: Resting time in the afternoon needs to be shared with the right people.

MC: Is this afternoon’s tea black tea?

Lucien: You’ve guessed correctly. Do you still like it?

Lucien’s Post: Resting time in the afternoon needs to be shared with the right people.

MC: Rest day is truly meant for a complete relaxation of the body and mind!

Lucien: Is this the reason why you’ve chosen to look for me for afternoon tea?

Lucien’s Post: Resting time in the afternoon needs to be shared with the right people.

MC: If we have the chance in future, we can make our own refreshments!

Lucien: I’m thinking there’s no need to wait. The kitchen and I are ready.

Call after the date: here

A translated comic based on this date (NSFW): here

#mlqc #mlqc cn #mlqc spoilers #mlqc lucien #oh wow he IS smooth

235 notes · View notes

vnckocurzyca · 3 years

Text

New chapter new analysis

I’m publishing it one more time because it didnt show in tags for some reason???

I put it under “read more” so maybe now.

I finally read translation so I can finally write something about the new chapter. I know people’s strong feelings towards it and I think it’s totally understandable huh

I, personally, liked this chapter even if I think it was creepy as fuck. But I know Jun’s work and how she writes her stories and I know that she purposely made it really uncomfortable. I think this chapter was made to be upsetting because what happened during it was kinda important?

Warning; LONG POST (contains spoilers to new chapter)

First thing - Noe was forced to see some Vanitas’s memories. Of course by Misha eyes, but still it’s Vanis past. And as we know already, Vanitas REALLY didn’t want Noe to know about anything his past-related. He even threated him that he would kill you if Noe would someday try to drink his blood. So it’s opening for totally new conflict. We have two options

Vanitas would come to place and see Noe drinking Mishas blood and it would be horrible

Vanitas wouldn’t see it and Noe would live in sting of remorse and we know how emotional Noe is and it would be also horrible. And this option also has 2 options

Noe would finally tell Vani that he drank Mishas blood and it would be horrible

Misha would tell Vanitas that Noe drank his blood and it also would be horrible

When Noe started drinking Mishas blood he walked into a trap and there is no escape now. Vanitas is going to KNOW this and its going to be a problem, because knowing Vanis past, memories and emotions was a borderline in their relationship - Noe didn’t get a permission to step over it. And now he just... steped, because of Mishas blackmail.

Also the whole scene was made to be creepy - we can clearly see that Noe is distraught and scared and uncomfortable. We can hear his thoughts, we can see his terrified face

He is terrified for A LOT of reasons. A lot.

He is scared of Domis life. He don’t know what is going on with her and she is unconscious and she can literally DIE. Domi is his best friend, his childhood friend and nearly all family he has left. Domi is the closest person to him and he can’t just lose her like he lost Louis.

He DON’T WANT to read Vanitas’s past without his permission and knowledge. Its awful, it’s non consensual and non-con it’s something Noe hates, because, even if he would like to know Vani’s past (what he said back before Gevaudan arc) he don’t want to know it without Vanis consenst and he didn’t push. And now he is forced to see them, to betray Vani’s trust.He, probably, hates himself thanks to it.

He is blackmailed, bullied and intimidated which is bad on it’s own. He has absolutely NO CONTROL over a situation, he is absolutely subordinated and can’t do anything to change his situation. It’s scary.

He is forced to drink blood, which is a really intimate and delicate activity for him. He hates being forced to drink blood and forcing to drink blood, and, additionaly, Misha is a kid. Or, at least, he look like a kid (it’s hard to say his age for sure and how many years their past with Moreau happened). It’s gross, creepy and weird and Noe feels it. We can see him backing away from a fucking kid.

Jun did it purposely. Combine all of it, to made the horror moment for him, probably to break him in front o Misha.

The running thing in Vanitas no Carte is motif of Noe not having any control over anything in his life (even without his noticing). Noe never had a control over anything.

He didn’t have a control over his life during childhood, ie when he was sold on auction

He didn’t have any control over Louis’s death and curse. He couldn’t do anything to save him or to save other kids back then. He could do nothing.

He don’t have any control in general - he was trained by the Teacher to be his pupil. Noe don’t even know how big control Grandpa de Sade has over him and his doings.

He didn’t have any control when Domi found him at Orloks. She just kidnapped him to Altus.

He don’t have any control over his relationship with Jeanne - anytime he wants to talk to her or about her he is interuptted.

He didn’t want his blood be sucked by Ruthven and he didn’t want to Swear.

He don’t have any control now. He didn’t wanted to know Vanis past non consensualy, he didn’t wanted to drink Mishad blood, he don’t want to see Domi in this situation.

It’s a writing continuity. We are being told how little control Noe has over his (and others) life. It’s becaming a plot point. MochiJun knows what she is doing. She purposely made the whole chapter creepy and unsettling. She need us to know that what is happening right now is wrong - not only drinking blood from a 1/4 naked kid, but also the rest. Everything. That this chapter is traumatic - we literally touched Noes trauma, Domis trauma and Mishas trauma over a few pages and panels:

Dominique - we can see how she reacted to Louis death, how she wanted to make Noe feels better, why she changed her hairstyle and outfit, how she hated herself because it was her brother who died, not her. We can see it now - she is depressed, she hatees herself and would prefer to die over Louis. She was easy to catch for Misha.

Noe - we can see that he can do anything for Domi because she is his last friend, his family, last thing (person) he has. He can’t lose her, he is desperate and traumatized over Louis death so he can do anything, even suck Mishas blood and know Vanis past even if he hates it and its wrong for him.

Misha - we can see thanks to his flashbacks that it was hinted he was (if I undertand english correctly, sorry, it’s not my first language) se*//ually abused as a child. He thought his mother was possesed by devil, it was traumatizing on it’s own, but he was also dressed as a girl, physically abused and hit by his mother and used during her “sessions” with clients. Then he was kidnapped by Moreau who, probably, was experimenting on him just like on Vanitas - so Misha was abused again. And later Vanitas killed “father” what also traumatized him. His behaviour towards Noe it’s not really that suprising - its horrible and sad and heartbreaking knowing why Misha is that way, but its logical. It has sense. It’s just how his trauma made him.

Sooo do I think what happened in the chapter was good or okay? No. It was creepy and made me feel sick. But do I think Jun is bad for making it this way? No. I think her work is great, because she actually did planned it logically. She delivered TONS OF INFORMATIONS by only one chapter. Tons, about a lot of characters - Misha, Vanitas, Noe, Dominique, even Roland (he know Misha is one thing, but, also, why he was so beaten up? What happened my man? Who hurted you?) It wasn’t just gross pedo-fanservice some people accused it to be. (even if it was gross anyway och my gos this scene with Misha standing over Noe was frightening, I was just as scared as Noe, I felt like I was in his place and I was looking at Misha)

Also! I’m pretty sure one of the reason for Misha undressing his collar a little bit was for us (and maybe Noe too) to see his possesion mark on his arm. For some reason we, as an audience, need to know this.

But! We also get a lot of different informations -

Domi is a royal guard and is working in castle, so she probably knew Luca before and had contact with him or some other royal people. i think it’s interesting that she worked at castleas a royal guard.

Luca probably likes Domi and was worried about her. Also after knowing she is missing he decided to took direct actions, he is not passive.

Misha has Vanitas of the Blue Moon’s possesion mark on his hand. It’s really interesting, especially when we know that its his prosthetic arm. Somebody tried to cut his arm with a possesion mark and I bet it was Vanitas or Misha himself. Yet it DIDN’T work, mark of possesion is still here, above his prosthetic.

Noe “don’t know anything about Vanitas”. It was an important sentence. It was something that Noe need to know narratively speaking. It’s pushing the story forward, because Noe’s and Vani’s relationship is the core of the story. It was literally told in the first chapter that it’s a story about their journey.

Misha had a lot of bruises on his whole body after he was rescued. We knew he was beaten, but we could also see it’s evidence.

Mishas face when Noe drank his blood was similar to his mother face when a vampire drank his blood. It wasn’t accidental, we were shown his trauma and how it’s affected him.

Next thing I noticed:

In this panel, Misha looks A LOT like Vanitas. Og course he has child features and chubbier face, he has white(?) hair and eyelashes ets, but his mimic, his gaze, how one of his eyes is covered by hair and his words. Its literally how Vanitas’s panel would be draw. It’s really Vanitaish.

We also got some questions, like:

What happened to Misha and how he lost his hand?

What Luca ordered Jeanne? (probably to check out real Paris and maybe find Domi or Noe)

Why Mishas mark of possesions was so important for us to know?

Is that Roland met Misha in the past important?

Why was Roland so beaten up?

There was also one more thing. Jun is operating in her story not only by making parallels betweend her characters (ie Teacher and VotBM, or Astolfo nad Vanitas, or Louis and Domi etc) but also contrasts. The biggest contrast motif on the story are probably Vanitas and Noe thanks to not only their history, but also their appearance, personality, design of their clothes, their height, their names (Vanitas being related to death and vanity, Noe being related to saving and something biblical etc). Their whole characters are made constrast. And so we got here:

Vanitas and Misha are not made parallels, theyre made contrast.

Misha is looking from the upside, Vanitas is looking from the above, Mishas hair is white, Vanitas hair is black, Vani has a shadow over his face, misha is lighted. Misha has white eyelashes, Vani has black. Misha looks calm an suprised, Vani looks stressed. Their whole “atmosphere” is different. Even if Misha is bruised in this panel he looks clean, even angelic, when Vanitas looks... bad, he has dark circles under eyes, wrinkled eyebrows, bandage etc. They’re made to contrast themselves, not to be compared to. It’s the next hint about their role in the story I suppose. That they’re not similar, they’re not the same and there is something basically different about their roles.

I would also like to write about shadow and light work in this chapter, but I’m just really tired right now, soo here it is! My analyze od the new chapter, or, at least, the most important parts of it (for me). I liked it in general, but it was... stressed and I was anxious about this chapter for the one whole day. But in general I think Jun did gods work with delivering informations she wanted to delivere.

#the case study of vanitas #vanitas no carte #vanitas no shuki #long post #vanitas #misha #dominique de sade #noe archiviste

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pluviophile-bookworm · 3 years

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HSMTMTS 2x9: so dreaded, so exciting, 'Sword!' (yeah, I went there, I've been thinking about this scene - you know the one - since yesterday for some reason)

After two computer malfunctions and a very tough, very sleepless night, here I am with a third attempt to write this post. The universe is against me today. Is Mercury in retrograde or something? Ugh, I just want to get this over with already. And I haven't even managed to see half the episode yet. You better like this cursed post because it's taken me two hours at this point, and will probably take another to finish - and that is if nothing goes wrong this time. Please bear with me. This is my reaction to HSMTMTS 2x9, take 3. Let's hope and pray it's the last one.

I'm normally [unpopular opinion alert] a very spoiler-positive person (it's the combination of anxiety and ADHD and a bunch of other stuff, I suppose), but for this one I've been refraining from looking at the tag all morning, so by now I'm simply bursting with impatience. But before we dive in, I need to get some stuff off my chest.

Some pre-watch thoughts and feelings (let's see how well they will have aged by the end of the episode):

Seriously, what is with whoever writes this show? I know it's impossible, but I feel like they've been toying with my emotions specifically all season. Like:

Ah, so you were a Rini shipper last season? Great, now we'll make them obnoxious and borderline toxic to the point where you actually want them to break up, but then their old chemistry will be back just for the breakup scene so that you can cry your eyes out over the one couple you couldn't stand - even though you can't seem to relate to a single song from Sour, we'll make you feel like you do for a hot second. At least it will remind you that you loved Ricky.

So you say Redlyn own your heart and soul? Great, we'll make you dread something going wrong with them for a week straight, and mess up your sleep schedule beyond repair over it. You're welcome!

We heard you said Rodfini give you life? Perfect, how about a big Seblos fight? And would you like a side of questioning your choice to stan Carlos with that? Because what is life without a little anxiety, a bit of doubt of your ability to read people, and a pinch of existential dread, right?

Ah, so you claimed not to ship Portwell romantically, is that right? Brilliant, we'll make you ship them and then we'll use that to torture you, too.

You've been excited about ABF and Asher Angel guest-starring ever since they were announced? Magnificent! We'll make you hate ABF's character to the point where you can't even look at him, and we'll make you call him names you thought yourself incapable of uttering. And as for Asher, you'll be left waiting for him until the last third of the season, and then you'll dread the possibility of hating his character, too. Do you love us yet?

Oof! Right then, I've got that out of my system. Time to dive in.

Miss Jenn playing around with the backgrounds is, like, 90% of the people who had online school this year, and honestly, I love that for her.

Wait, why is Nini first on this call? Are they going through with the Rose thing? Cos like, the song is nice and all (and, might I add, much more to my taste than nearly all of Sour, don't @ me), but if they use it, it will get them disqualified. They’ve been told that! Gosh, please let me be wrong about this.

We get it, Carlito, rich and fancy and over-the-top is kind of your thing, but have you stopped for a second to think about how others will feel about this? Especially Seb, whom you claim to care about. Seriously, though, I love Carlos and would not hesitate to die for him, but I’m getting the feeling that, unlike my other favourite (you know the one), he wouldn’t do the same for me. Oh well, he’ll figure it out. He’s just a kid. Give him time.

Wait, Milky White? Is that an Into the Woods reference I smell? Cool! If I had a cow, I’d totally name her Milky White (or Gertrude, but don’t ask me why). I just hope they don’t have to, like, take her to the market and exchange her for magic beans, if you catch my drift.

Ahhhhh, Caswell cousins content! We love to see it!

‘You guys are watching, like, old old movies’ WTH, Nini (or is it Nina)? Scary Movie is literally younger than me. But what do you know about it, you 21st-century baby! Ugh, I don’t know why I’m being so hostile today... must be the lack of sleep. Hope it doesn’t influence my reactions to the episode so dramatically as to make me forget how much I love this series. Because I do.

Yay! Big Red is here! I can finally smile. And did Ash just say they’re soulmates? Because yes they are! Ahhh my heart is going to explode.

‘Nini, have you heard from [Ricky]?’ Yikes, awkward... but of course, Big Red can be counted on to save the day here, too.

Ok, so that was a cool cold open. Time for some nice in-person scenes, though. I did not spend all of three semesters doing online school just to have the characters of my favourite series do the same.

Wow, Gina is really embracing that French accent thing! And I really don’t want to think about, erm, ‘Napoleon over here’ right now, but I really think the fact that she’s doing it better than him will be another piece of evidence towards my theory of fake-French!Antoine... ugh, I said his name. Oh well. Back to Gina. Too bad the French thing didn’t work out for her.

Ahhhh, Portwell with Ash in the background! And Ash is going to paint EJ’s nails! I feel like he’s going to end up loving that, despite what he says right now. But seriously, I just love how comfortable these two are with each other. Can you blame me now for shipping them as friends? Well, I mean, it’s obvious they will be more than friends, and somehow, despite the amatonormativity of it all, I’m here for it.

Wait, was that Asher? That was Asher, I’m 100% sure of it. And Gina said ‘a sign’ and then looked at him, even from the back... what am I supposed to think and feel here? I’m confused. Moving on.

Ahh, poor Ricky being a burrito... good thing that breakup scene last time reminded me that I love him, because the entirety of the season before that was very good at making me forget that.

Wait, did she say ‘the Bean’? As in, that Bean? The infamous Bean? LOL.

‘So the only time you two talk to each other is to gossip about me’ Boy, did I feel that. I once got my hands on my dad’s mobile and I... kind of went through his texts with mum. Yep, all about me and my brother. At this point I feel like they’re only together because of us. But this is getting too personal. I’m here about the episode, not to rant about my family. Moving on.

Yikes, looks like Nini’s got writer’s block all over again. Am I supposed to feel sorry for her? Because I kind of don’t. I mean, no hate towards her, none at all, but that entire scene just felt awkward and unnecessary. And not just because it’s her first time going live. That I can understand. What I don’t understand is why the writers can’t seem to do anything creative and interesting with Nini. Olivia is being wasted there. Idk, that’s just how I feel. Again, no hate.

Ahhhhh it’s Asher! And well, he’s not Jonah, but I kind of really like him as Jack. I wonder if that will last.

So is it just me, or is anyone else not quite sure how to feel about Ricky’s mum? I mean, their interactions seem kind of awkward and strained, but that’s how it’s supposed to be given their recent history, and yet something just doesn’t sit quite right with me.

‘You there, Muse? It’s me, Nini!’ Ah, so it’s Nini again? I didn’t get the memo. Gosh, this episode is kind of really underwhelming. The most exciting thing so far (but not nearly as exciting in practice as it was in theory) – Asher and Sofia’s on-screen reunion. The second most exciting thing? The thought of Ash painting EJ’s nails. Everything else? Kind of ‘whatever’. Is this what I tossed and turned about all night? Totally not worth it. This episode better get, like, 300% better right this instant. It’s just not worth all the frustration and excitement and dread so far.

Looks like my prayers from just now have been heard! That improv scene was hilarious! Guess it was lucky that Miss Jenn had them do improv before this moment. But I need to know more of Jack’s backstory now.

Ok, so that was awkward! So Kourtney is talking to Howie again, I guess. And I guess I know now what Carlos did that was all public and no subtle. Still, what’s wrong with posting photos from your holiday? Guess I don’t exactly know yet what Carlos did to piss the others off so much.

Great, now I’m tempted to google butterfly faces. Good thing I’m not eating anymore. *** Ughhhhh this was a mistake! Please don’t ever look a butterfly in the face if you want to stay sane. Don’t be like me.

Ahhh the Duke sweater! ‘Is that your boyfriend’s?’ Well, not quite yet, it’s not... *screams in Portwell*

Oh, now we’re talking! But seriously, Ricky? The ‘my friends think’ card? Why don’t you just say ‘I think’? It’s clearly something you’ve thought about a lot. I feel like I’m going to love this scene or cry over it or both.

Ooh, therapy. It’s not just... basically the entire fandom... who says it now. Please tell me that means Ricky will be going to therapy at some point. Says the girl who is currently firmly refusing to go to therapy in favour of hyperfixating on HSMTMTS and getting back into the good old practice of having imaginary friends... yeah, I’m one to talk.

My, my, my! Seb has really had it now. I mean, it was about time, but... not quite like this. My heart is starting to do some weird stuff, I can feel it. I might need to lie down.

Ok, so as much as I envy North High for getting to see so many shows on BWay – basically living out my dream – stalking East High on Instagram and being shady about them taking a well-deserved break... just goes beyond all limits. I mean, if you’re so into Broadway shows, you should know as well as I do what happened the last time a certain founding father did not take a break. Maybe you’re the ones in need of a break here.

Nini on the call with the Caswell cousins, though... ‘I’m obsessed with both of you’ – first relatable thing she’s said or done all season. And EJ playing with old toys is pure gold.

Oh, so Jack’s dad is a pilot. Makes sense, I guess. I’m kind of intrigued by this guy. Just as long as he doesn’t try to come between Portwell before they’ve had the chance to happen, you know...

Ashlyn might need to stop swooning over Nini’s songwriting or Big Red might get jealous... I mean, I would not have pinned him as the jealous type before 2x7, but ever since then... I guess insecure + dating a girl like Ash = the jealous type. And although that looks good on him, I’d bet anything it doesn’t feel particularly pleasant on his side. So... wait, why am I talking about Big Red? He hasn’t even got anything to do with the scene at hand. But then again, there’s been so little Big Red content in this episode that I seem to be trying to make up for it. Still. Stay focused.

Ooh, so Big Red did edit that video! Is there anything my boy can’t do? Ok, now I feel like he’s even more criminally underappreciated than he was before. But let’s look at the video. I’m curious to see the whole thing because that sneak peek from yesterday simply hasn’t been enough.

That was... really, really cool! I love how they took the ‘when they go low, we go high’ line from last time and run with it. Now if only they were putting as much effort into BATB... North High wouldn’t know what hit them.

Hmmmm... I guess Gina and Jack could be what I originally wanted Portwell to be... really cool friends. Unless it’s one of those ‘airport magic’ things. Oh well. It probably is. Was that all we’re seeing of Asher here? I did not wait 2/3 of the season for this. Though it was nice.

Ooh, Ricky’s solo song... why is there more Rini chemistry in this song than there was in all the season? Not counting the breakup scene, of course. Also, I feel like it’s just as much about him and his mum as it is about Nini. Some say music is the best therapy. I think they might be right. And no, I’m not crying. You are.

The granola bar, though... this episode might have been very underwhelming in the first half, but... it delivered in the Portwell front, and the music was *chef’s kiss*, so I’m willing to let it slide that the advertised Seblos ‘big fight’ was not touched upon nearly enough. Maybe next week...

Ok, now that we’re done watching the episode, let’s see how my feelings from the beginning have aged:

The Rini breakup: apparently, along with reminding me that I love Ricky, it has rendered me unable to look at Nini. What’s up with that? If this is some sort of tactic along the lines of ‘Olivia might be leaving the show so we’re making you hate her character so that you won’t miss her’, it’s not really working. Because I don’t want to hate Nini. Believe me, I don’t.

Redlyn: ok, so there’s nothing wrong with them whatsoever - we even got a ‘soulmates’, which I loved - but first they’re being swept under the rug, and then the antis come at us with that ‘their relationship is underdeveloped’ nonsense. Individually, though, I liked them in this episode (even if there was a significant shortage of Big Red), and Ashlyn collaborating with Nini again was cool, but... what I really wanted to see was her painting EJ’s nails. Did she even get the chance to actually do it? Maybe next week.

Seblos: I’m still failing to understand exactly what Seb thinks Carlos did wrong (please enlighten me if you did catch that, I’m kind of slow), but he (Seb) does have reasons to be mad at him (Carlos)... and at other people, too. Still, if you want to have a fight between two people in a relationship, you could do much better than whatever this episode was. Maybe next week. I notice I’m saying that a lot. Guess I’m putting a lot of hopes on 2x10. I just pray it doesn’t disappoint.

Portwell: boy, am I happy that my frustration on this front did not age well! What I mean is, apparently they’ve decided to bless us, not torture us for once. Even a rather disappointing episode like this one had to have some sort of silver lining. And Portwell is it.

Asher as Jack: well, luckily I didn’t hate him, but... it’s kind of the opposite problem. I loved him and now they’re taking him away from me. Guess I just can’t win here. Oh well. At least he didn’t have the screen time to get in between Portwell...

All in all: 2x10, my hopes and prayers are with you!

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kingofthewilderwest · 3 years

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Tagged by @writingstellar! Good to hear how life’s going and holy crap I was just thinking about how it’s coming up 10 years since we met.

Rules: answer 30 questions and tag blogs you are contractually obligated to know better.

name/nickname: Haddock. King. Against my will, every other variation of fish-like things you can think of. King Fishy, Fishy, Fishface, Fishyface, Fish, etc.

gender: enby

star sign: 🖕

height: 5′ 2″

time: 12:27 AM

birthday: October 19

favourite bands: Flatt & Scruggs and the Foggy Mountain Boys, The Dead South, Old Man Markley

favourite solo artists: uhhhhhhhhmmmmmmm... get back to me on that. Can... can Beethoven count? C’mon I fucking have Beethoven music TATTOOED ON ME, we gonna make Beethoven count.

song stuck in my head: a combination of like six Flatt & Scruggs songs and covers rn, most prominently Colors. I have no idea why. I don’t listen to their late 1960s stuff as often, but I woke up and that song came to me with tenacity and wouldn’t let go.

last movie: What was the last movie I watched in my Bad Movie Night group? Was it Leo the Lion????? Oh gosh. That nightmare is the last movie I saw??? Dudes holy shit that movie was a special kind of awful, it was a horrible experience and it’s scarred me forever and [spoilers] why did you make the elephant canonically fuck the emaciated lion?!?!?!

last show: Flatt & Scruggs TV Show. Shut up. I like them. A lot. Hyperfixation gonna hyperfixate. And they’re actually really wonderful and personable to watch, in addition to making great music.

when did you create this blog? summer 2014

what do I post: on this blog? Well, it used to be an analysis blog for HTTYD and more. Now... whatever, but usually fandom-related materials for my favorite shows... Gravity Falls, Fullmetal Alchemist, etc.

last thing i googled: middle finger. to get that middle finger emote up there.

do i get asks? absolutely. sorry that I no longer respond to everything as I once did. I no longer have the time and presence of mind to get to all asks, and it’s no longer a priority in my life or major past-time. but I read all of them and appreciate all of them and really do try to answer peeps when I’m on here and in the mood! Thanks for talking with me so much!

why i chose my url: As a How to Train Your Dragon blog, I thought it would be the COOLEST thing to pick Hiccup’s title. I was in excited shock it wasn’t taken.

average hours of sleep: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I’m sleeping a fuckton lately, like sometimes 10, but that’s not normal to me.

lucky number: 13, 19, 320.

Instruments: Yes. I have an entire sideblog dedicated to my banjo explorations and bluegrass/country music obsession, to rant and rave to like the 0.1 person who’ll see it. ;) Feel free to check it out... I try to make it accessible to like, anyone, even peeps with none music background left beef. Banjo is my latest instrument and I’m proud of how far I’ve come in less than a year and a half. Started on piano as a wee one, got good at it. Added flute and piccolo, got good at it, played semi-competitively at local/state events in high school. Added clarinet. Added viola and played that in college orchestra because it was the one thing I could get INTO orchestra on because they didn’t audition on it. Also own/play to varying degrees of skill or incompetence: pennywhistles, soprano recorder, khloy (Cambodian flute), khene (Southeast Asian pipe instrument), tro (Cambodian spiked fiddle), tro ou (Cambodian spiked fiddle), dizi (Chinese flute), shakuhachi, ukulele, guitar, fiddle, Irish flute, harmonica, didgeridoo, shit why do I feel like I’m forgetting some things. Uhhhhhh... in college I played some taiko, shamisen, and shinobue too? I dunno, just chuck a woodwind or a string instrument at me, and I’ll figure something out. Won’t necessarily be pleasant but there’ll be notes.

what i’m wearing: red pajamas. They have snowflakes on them. they are warm and comfy.

dream job: I know it’s hard work as hell, believe me, my fam’s been in it, but seriously? transitioning to agricultural work. I’m an old-fashioned ass at heart and, as much as my work has serious perks with a flexible schedule, I hate how much of my life is spent on a screen. I’m happiest working with my hands, and I’ve got a green thumb.

dream trip: Dammit, I have to pick ONE place??? fuck that shit, I want to go everywhere, I have bucket list countries in every continent. shit. uh. how about Norway because that’s the home of my ancestors.

last book i read: I’m currently reading three right now. the last one I finished is an obscure Country Music history picture book from the 1960s. Oh hey wow did the bluegrass hyperfixation appear again? WOW YOU BETCHA IT DID. Uff-dah.

favourite food: I’m going to just say a fucking cuisine rather than narrow it down to one dish. Thai food.

nationality: United States American.

favourite song: Foggy Mountain Breakdown. Yes. Flatt & Scruggs came up again. Get used to it. I have fucking had Flatt & Scruggs appear multiple times in my dreams. I have fucking had Flatt & Scruggs more in my dreams than some of my irl friends.

top three fictional universes: Mass Effect, Fullmetal Alchemist, Gravity Falls

gonna gently tag (no pressure!):

Okay I am sleep loopy so I cannot think of names rn but I might reblog and tag later with peeps because I always like poking friends.

#meme #blabbing Haddock #long post #about me #my life #music #that banjo business

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ronnytherandom · 3 years

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I started Writing My Thoughts On Things Again, I'm Sorry

15/8/2021:

Mass Effect Legendary Edition (Whole trilogy w/ all dlcs, Adept Class, Hardcore difficulty, 68 Hours):

Still brilliant! I adore this series. The first Mass Effect was one of the first games I ever played back in 2010 and Mass Effect 2 is one of the games I’ve played the most accruing several hundred hours over multiple playthrough from 2010 onwards, while Mass Effect 3 is a game I greatly appreciated but have more mixed feelings towards. Retrospectively as much as I liked the first Mass Effect, I did not nearly appreciate it enough back in the day. For a first entry in a new IP it is incredibly fleshed out with interesting Lore, an intriguing story and a cool galaxy to explore. I appreciate its combat far more now than I did back then but would still argue it is relatively weak in comparison to more modern titles and its own successors. Though the VA is rough in some places it is excellent where it matters, especially in the case of Sovereign whose iconic dialogue on Virmire is etched into my brain. A key element of the first mass effect I felt was sorely missing from the later entries was its exploration. While the galaxy grew routinely larger no game after the first had a drivable Mako, a vehicle I adore, and further lacked the opportunity to land on and explore the terrain of alien worlds for resources and side missions which I feel lends a lot to the atmosphere of the setting and could be made even more compelling using updated technology and a larger selection of assets and interiors which might have emerged from the higher budget successors. As it is I appreciate its inclusion in the first game. Mass Effect was also my first encounter with impactful choices in a video game and this is certainly something I appreciate but leads me to a major criticism specifically targeting the dialogue wheel layout as it is strange to me how you can puzzle out all of these possible dialogue outcomes but put exactly all of the positive outcomes behind the Upper Left dialogue option. While this is less pronounced in the First entry as the Renegade dialogue fills roughly the same purpose while sounding more badass, it becomes truer throughout the series as renegade options routinely just become nasty and exclusionary.

Mass Effect 2 innovates in some key ways which I have grown to appreciate more in the past 20 hours of play than I did when it launched. Primarily, its focus on characters and your relationships to them. Barring a couple of notable exceptions I found myself greatly invested in every single member of the Normandy crew and I think it’s a remarkable feat that each crewmate could be written to be so sympathetic, relatable and interesting in a world so full of appreciable elements. I would go into specific examples but id end up listing every character except Miranda and Jacob. This of course plays well into the Suicide Mission narrative which is perhaps my favourite overarching plot within the trilogy as it incorporates not just all of these incredible characters and plays upon your investment in them but also relies on the threat of both the Reapers and Collectors which are two excellently designed enemies which I find significantly more compelling than Saren and the Geth or Cerberus and the Reaper Husk Armies. Mass Effect 2 has a powerful horror element composed of the Collectors phobic horror and the reapers cosmic horror and it does wonders for the game’s atmosphere. I remember at this moment the Collector soundtrack which, like the rest of the soundtrack is absolutely excellent. Inasmuch as I would criticise it from a purely musical perspective for being simple at times and perhaps overly repetitive it perfectly fits the camp space opera that is mass effect. Galaxy Map and Suicide Mission are absolute bangers. I would hesitate to call the combat great. Playing the game as a weapon heavy class is superior, I’d argue as even with an armour build dedicated to decreasing ability cooldown it is too long to adequately utilise the powers of ability heavy classes like the adept. Additionally, ability play feels far more limited than in the game’s predecessor due to the limitation of this games skill tree elements which are frankly a step too far in simplifying the interface. It doesn’t massively affect enjoyment of the game but I couldn’t help but note every time I visited the abilities menu how much I missed Mass Effects abilities menu. So while I would say Mass Effect maintains a very well balanced game with regards to combat, roleplay and story, Mass Effect 2 eschews combat and mechanical roleplay in favour of an excellent story. Additionally while lacking an exploration aspect the more structured side-missions found by scanning planets throughout the galaxy create a lot of fun moments and interesting gameplay, emblematic of the fact that mission design vastly improves between this game and its predecessor.

Mass Effect 3 goes some way to resolve its predecessor’s imbalance as the majority of the game possesses enhanced combat, a much better abilities mechanic and an excellent story. First the addition of more mobility, loadout and engagement options benefits the combat greatly, while the addition of more complex enemy types than previous games pushes you to fully utilise these new options. A massive reduction in ability cooldown combined with liberal cooldown reduction bonuses in the skill tree means that abilities are very useful and versatile and you generally feel very powerful. Sometimes too powerful if you’re thinking from a balancing standpoint but given it’s a single player game this criticism is much diminished and being powerful is fun regardless. The skill tree system in this game forms a synthesis between its predecessors’ systems and comes out the better for combining a regular sense of empowerment with interesting choices within your own character build. All of this contributes to a much-improved combat experience, especially over Mass Effect 2. This also lends itself to the old multiplayer system which I honestly enjoyed when it launched (who cannot love a playable biotic Volus?) and feel is sorely lacking from this legendary edition. I would argue the only real problem with the multiplayer was requiring a player to engage with it in order to achieve the best story outcome; the actual multiplayer gameplay was thoroughly enjoyable and it gave players the opportunity to experience combat as an STG agent or a Krogan Warlord which were both fulfilling experiences from my memory. The aforementioned story is truly excellent and successfully builds off events in previous games but primarily succeeds due to Biowares exceptional character writing which persists from Mass Effect 2. Even in the case of its worst side mission content but especially in its primary missions the stakes and outcome of events are thoroughly compelling and the involvement of beloved Normandy crewmates is bound to incite intense emotions. This is possibly the only game that makes me cry multiple times throughout a normal playthrough. Unfortunately my goodwill often runs out when it comes to consider the ultimate ending of this series which I do not approve of. I admit there are mitigating factors: you should not play the mass effect series for the culmination of its plot. This series lives and dies with its characters and all of the major character arcs reach satisfactory endings before the final moments of Mass Effect 3, so the final moments have no real meaning as the thematic purpose of the series is achieved by galvanising the galaxy and uniting all these disparate races into a single force to fight the Reapers. Thematically the game is a success but the extent to which it utilises the choices the player has made, upon which the series builds its reputation, is limited in scope. This can likely be laid at the feet of the leaks of the original story ahead of the games launch which pushed the developers to create a new ending to avoid spoilers, but the quality of that ending is poor as it boils all the choices made throughout the series down to selecting the colour of a space laser. To make an odd comparison, this is why I think Game of Thrones’ and Mass Effect’s endings are different kinds of bad. Mass Effect reaches a fully satisfying conclusion in the moments immediately after launching the final mission, whereas Game of Thrones built its whole series asking the question “Who Will Sit The Iron Throne” With the final answer being “Actually, no one” after slogging through multiple series which did not live up to the quality of the first. Mass Effect answers its dramatic question of “Can Shepard Unite The Galaxy Against The Reapers” satisfactorily following sixty hours of excellent content and the colour of the space laser doesn’t actually matter. It just hurts to think that the finale could’ve been so much grander and more interesting. I would recommend the games, the disappointment of the finale doesn’t even come close to outweighing the grandeur that is the rest of the experience of Mass Effect 3, let alone the whole series.

There are only a few pieces of content I had not encountered prior to this Legendary edition playthrough. The Mass Effect DLC Bring Down The Sky is fun in that it adds an interesting combat experience with incredible stakes and immerses you in a stellar scale event, but the experience is very short. As part of the legendary edition I recommend it but having to pay extra for it at its time of launch I would have found it disappointing. Mass Effect 2s Overlord DLC is very good, introducing fun combat encounters, an opportunity to operate the fairly fun Hammerhead vehicle (even if it doesn’t live up to the Glory of the Mako) and explore a nice open environment with a truly haunting ending which is a kind of non-choice but it is gratifying to make that choice anyway. Additionally the visuals in the final station when interacting with the VI elements are very nice. The Arrival DLC is also quite fun, with a pseudo stealth section to open it, something which I believe occurs nowhere else in the series. The general element of operating solo is quite novel for mass effect as I believe outside of this moment, the opening of the Citadel DLC and the final moments of Mass Effect 3 there is no point where you fight alone. The indoctrinated nature of the project team does not come as a shock but regardless the dlc is enjoyable as a combat experience and the scale of destruction shown necessary to even slightly inconvenience the reapers lends a lot to the scale of their threat. I do not believe I played any DLCs in Mass Effect 3 before, insofar as I did not consider From Ashes DLC content as it was already on the disk and all buying the day one dlc did was activate it. Leviathan is very interesting from a lore perspective and does interesting things with its investigative process but I find it to be a relatively passive and uninteresting experience for the most part. Omega was more my style with a lot of good combat and interesting new enemies and a bit of bombast besides but still left me largely unmoved. Citadel was excellent but mostly for its “endgame” content rather than its story content. Despite featuring many hilarious moments throughout the actual plot it failed to interest me but I was definitely there for all of the fun character moments and the party is absolutely hilarious.

Ultimately a hearty recommendation but with tempered expectations for the finale.

Deaths Door (True Ending, 13.7 hours):

A Delight. Deaths Door is a charming little game about a bird that stabs things and I love it. It is incredibly impressive that this was made by a team composed of two people. The gameplay is fun in all regards. Navigation is a good time especially when all of the environments are lovely and full of personality. Obstacles come mainly in the form of puzzles and these are at a sweet spot between ease and frustration without being at all complex. Combat could’ve used a bit more work, primarily to create more meaningful distinctions between weapons or add a little depth, but it is still engaging and good fun. While the main bosses are challenging and satisfying to defeat, I worry over the side bosses; perhaps something could’ve been done to make them more distinct from one another? But a small gripe. I like the world, the aforementioned environments are well realised, the general aesthetic is artful and distinct and the story is good if slightly sparse. One notable element is the dialogue which is very good with a quick wit. The finale of the main game has the right amount of spectacle and weight while the endgame is cool and fantastical, with an ample supply of secrets and collectibles to find. Over all the music is incredible, soundtrack full of absolute bangers. I really enjoyed completing this game and I’d recommend it to anyone who’s into action adventure and souls-like games.

The Bad Batch (season 1):

This was Allright. To open I cannot overstate how good the animation and art of this series is. It is routinely beautiful and well-choreographed. Visually there are no complaints. The problems begin with the opening episode which I feel overpromised on a relatively dark take on the Star Wars universe by immediately dropping us into an Order 66 plot full of death, danger, brainwashing and the threat of an emergent empire. Now granted this series never explicitly promises that all of this would continue but I enjoyed these elements of the first episode and I was dissatisfied by their limited usage throughout the rest of the show. This is not to say I disliked the show, I did enjoy the characters who are all good fun, and most of the plots were good. This series I felt had a lot of filler episodes, which I’d simply describe as episodes I enjoyed less due to underwhelming plot or conflict, but they were still enjoyable despite what id perceive as a lesser quality. The show also “suffers” from what I’d called Star Wars Syndrome of Filonitis which is how Everything Must Be Interconnected, with regular cameos from extended universe characters which I feel is beginning to get a bit much. These features feel to me more often like nostalgia grabs rather than organically featuring a character in service of the plot and development. For example, I appreciate the Captain Rex feature as that served to highlight the inhibitor chip problem and drive the characters to seek a solution, however I appreciated Rafa and Trace’s feature less both because I’m less attached to those characters (especially Rafa) but also because the episode didn’t serve any particular purpose or create any particular set piece which couldn’t have been achieved without those characters. This is a similar issue I have with The Mandalorian, I adored season one as it was relatively self-contained and only featured vague or subtler references to the wider canon: to contrast season two is full of cameos from the wider universe sometimes for no reason other than to have a cameo when those roles could easily have been filled with new and creative content which doesn’t rely upon nostalgia to make something interesting. Ultimately Bad Batch is worth watching for the characters and the good episodes, it is fun and entertaining, it just has its issues.

Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure Part 1: The Phantom Blood:

Its uh, its not good. Now that’s a very broad statement, as to assess this show critically at all is to take it far more seriously than you should, but to be more even handed the show certainly has a bunch of fun elements. Only from a story perspective, there isn’t really that much there; and from a pacing perspective it needs to be seen to be believed. I’m certain that if you condensed the show down to a reasonable size for the amount of content it has, you’d probably have a movie with a two-hour runtime at most which would be quite enjoyable but on a whole this first part wastes about 80% of its time on overlong drawn-out internal monologues and the dilated timeframes of the show’s fights. It also has an annoying habit of overemphasizing the weight of a moment or the genius of a characters unexpected action usually with no less than three people commenting on any slight manoeuvre which ruins the pacing beyond belief. Now I understand this is a staple of the Jojo series, only part 1 handles it very poorly in comparison to later parts. The fighting is especially hindered by this as most actual combat usually involves only four or five punches but they tend to take twenty minutes getting to each one. Additionally, Johnathan Joestar is pretty boring as a character with no notable qualities aside from being good both morally and at fighting. The intrigue of the stone mask is cool but this part deals in that very little. Like I say though, Part 1 is still fun to watch if you can disengage your brain and admire the potent meme quality of the series. It is not “good” from a critical perspective but it is incredibly amusing and the campness gives it a degree of charm. If you just want to watch a bunch of beefy men shout at each other and perform magic punches this is a good time. Speedwagon, despite being the worst offender of the “Explain Everything Twice and Ruin the Pacing” category, is still entertaining for the awful accent and endearing character. He’s also definitely in love with Johnathan and I will not be taking questions on that. Baron Zeppeli has a cool hat. Theres a lot of fun to be had as the show embraces the weirdness of everything that’s going on. So, check it out, it might just be a So-Bad-Its-Good Masterpiece.

300 (film):

This film was not so great in my eyes. I think there was one particular shot of the landscapes around Sparta which I felt was visually cool but everything else about the film lacked quality for me, barring practical effects which have aged significantly better than the graphical effects. The visuals are largely uninspiring, the washed-out colour pallet doesn’t help. Perhaps the dialogue was amusing at release but for me it’s all been memed to death. I can’t say any of the performances are particularly compelling, nice to see Magneto and Faramir though. The action could’ve been good and there are certainly moments where it has impact, but the constant application of slow motion I feel reduces the sense of power that should be there, like watching people fight on the moon. Ultimately, I can’t stomach it for two primary reasons: Historical inaccuracy and Racism, which feed into each other. The values of the Spartans do not accurately reflect ideas that historical Spartans held to and I must ask why? Historical accuracy is the default state, so to usurp those ideas in favour of others means the author of the graphic novel Frank Miller and director Zach Snyder replaced those ideas with purpose, in order to make the film more appealing to a mass audience or to express their own ideas perhaps? And the values they chose for the Spartans were freedom, justice and democracy which were things the slaving and monarchical Spartans did not believe in at least in the modern sense. This reeks of an imposition of the propagandised values of western nations on a historical society. This in itself would not be so much of an issue without the demonisation and perversion of the Achaemenid empire and the peoples therein. To establish the primary conflict as one of Civilised white westerners against barbarous non-white easterners, when historically the conflict was between two nations of a broadly similar heritage both possessing facets of good and evil, in the early 2000s? It feels as though some reactionary interpretations of the War on Terror have simply been recreated here with classical history as window dressing. Add to that reactionary attachment to the battle of Thermopylae as a representation of the western world’s struggle against the eastern world, in addition to other more problematic interpretations, and this film plays straight into extreme right-wing ideas of race. Cannot recommend, there’s a lot more better things you could be watching.

18/08/2021: Darth Vader (2015) comic (incl. Vader Down event):

This was really cool. The first comic I’ve ever actually read so I don’t have much frame of reference but I certainly enjoyed this. It was compelling, I’ve blitzed through this whole run in a single day. I think it serves a valuable purpose of demonstrating Vader’s potential and development between Episodes IV and V, as well as the nature of internal conflicts within the Empire. A side note, it is amusing that Palpatine identifies infighting as a factor in the fall of the Sith Empire and yet encourages it for his own political purposes anyway. I felt that the art and style was very good and fit well with the Star Wars aesthetic, though I couldn’t say if it is truly excellent or just standard: it certainly wasn’t bad, though I think a few designs such as Dr Aphra’s ship were hard to read as it were. Speaking of, I think characters new and old were well portrayed. The titular Vader is unmistakably the same character as appears in the classic trilogy, similarly for Han, Luke and Leia etc. And it was a pleasure to see Chewbacca absolutely destroy someone. The aforementioned Aphra I thought was fine but she lacks distinction to my mind, the real star was Triple Zero and by extension Beetee who I thought were excellent comic relief in addition to being a genuine threat, something I can’t necessarily say I felt with regard to the antagonists. This latter part doesn’t matter overmuch, I think the purpose of these antagonists was more to present Vader with pressure to fulfil his personal goals rather than actually oppose him and they work well in that regard, but are unmemorable beyond their basic attributes. What I think this comic does particularly well is create a kind of puzzle narrative and its almost thrilling at moments when Vader’s plots might be discovered. As a result of this I am looking forward to reading more comics in future.

The Suicide Squad (2021): Highly enjoyable! A big step up for the suicide squad as a franchise and a lot more fun, playing into a brighter and more humorous genre than its predecessor to good effect; This time with good editing, soundtrack, direction… well good everything in comparison. I enjoyed all of the characters and their acting particularly the rivalry between Peacemaker and Bloodsport and Margot Robbie is still fantastic as Harley. They all pale before King however, who is endearing beyond belief and a lot of fun to boot. The “villain” if that term is applicable is very interesting and actually threatening, no mere beam of light into the sky! And the willingness to engage in more mature elements such as gore and character morality is of immense benefit, serving to distinguish it from generally more childish superhero media and reach towards more interesting themes around colonisation, foreign intervention, America and such. Only a reach towards however as I don’t think it ultimately says anything beyond “This thing, kinda bad and dumb”. As I saw noted, it observes the theme but doesn’t comment on it which is a shame as that would bring it all together quite neatly. I feel it can drag a little at times and sometimes the dialogue and specifically its humour don’t hit right but the rest is of such quality that it hardly matters. It looks good, sounds good and offers a chance to engage in a little mindless and bloody violence. I hope Harley keeps the javelin.

27/08/2021: JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure Part 2: Battle Tendency: TW: Mention of Nazism, Discussion of Sexism

This is MUCH better. Part 2 covers most of the problems I had with Part 1. The Monologues are less egregious so the pacing is much improved; the lore is fully integrated into the story and creates a genuinely good narrative and Joseph is a much more compelling and interesting protagonist with a quirky and entertaining personality. The Pillar Men are excellent villains and the fights are fully engaging. Even when you know that Joseph will pull out a “And next you’ll say” twist at the end of a losing fight it’s still surprising simply by dint of the strange and wacky solutions he creates. And these adventures are even more bizarre, playing into the weird camp of the series which works so well. All in all, the quality is excellent here HOWEVER there are some highly problematic elements. The show being set in the 1930s is a neat part of the travelling through time factor of the series but when you’re globetrotting around Europe you need some solution to the problem of Nazis popping up everywhere and this show does not provide one, and fails so drastically to offer even a slightly critical perspective on the fascist characters. The noble sacrifice of Von Stroheim and his later resurrection and heroism serve to idolise a Patriotic German Nazi Officer, which is not good, and this unchallenged perspective on an Actual Nazi is troubling especially when the character himself is an unrepentant mass murderer. Additionally, the show has a horrible attitude towards women, who exist almost exclusively for sex appeal and romantic interest in this show. Lisa Lisa does demonstrate ability and character but when presented with genuine combat is relegated first as a bit of eye candy during the fight with Esidesi (notably eye candy for Her Own Son) and later as a Damsel in Distress during her fight with Kars. Women are frequently used as objects in this part; Caesar Zeppeli uses women as props by controlling them with his Hamon powers and Suzi Q exists only to be rescued from Esidesi and then to be romanced by Jojo. It’s pretty ridiculous to be honest. I am informed that this improves over the course of the series but as for this part in particular it is a lot of fun just so long as you can ignore some incredibly troubling portrayals.

13/09/2021: Rick and Morty Season 4:

There is ultimately not much to say as Season 4 is simply more Rick and Morty and operates as such. It is good, even very good. It’s still very funny. Its voice acting is still the pinnacle of such work. It is still smart and has a lot of interesting ideas, only not to the extent of the copypasta fan boys. Its sci-fi universe is cool and its design and aesthetic are still excellent. I feel the show has passed a threshold however as there’s only so much time you can spend on the “dysfunctional family is dysfunctional theme”. I hope season 5 proves me wrong once I get to it, but season 4 is fun and I’d recommend it all the same, it’s just more Rick and Morty and I think that’s enough.

Shang-Chi and the Ten Rings: Spectacular! Very easily amongst the best if not The Best Superhero Movie (aside from Into the Spiderverse). To begin with complaints as they are limited, the colour grading was a bit dark in a couple of the fight scenes and in some moments of the climactic fight the CG effects are a little Too Much and distract from the central action of Shang-Chi, Xialing and a Dragon owning the shit out of a multiversal super spectre, which incidentally is fucking epic. Additionally, the standard MCU comic relief dialogue is a little meh at times but what’s new there? They still need to get a handle on that, especially because this film was really strong when it was serious. As much as I love Ben Kingsley’s Trevor Slattery, he was just a tad much here. Aside from a few moments of weak dialogue however the rest of the film is excellent. Acting is good, effects are good, the film is quite beautiful primarily once Ta Lo is reached and the score is bangin. I appreciate most of all the fight sequences which to me look well-choreographed with interesting arenas which were always appropriate to demonstrate the characters abilities; the sequences serve to develop character and plot at key moments also. The way the camera is handled during the fights is also a big step up, with wide perspective and long shots rather than the snappy close shots of old which serve to really show off that choreography and don’t muddy your understanding of the flow of combat. There is a good thematic line throughout the film of reconciling the bad and the good of your familial and personal history, to understand yourself better and channel that into developing and achieving your ambitions and I adore how that ties in with Shang-Chi and Wenwu’s final confrontation due to the nature and treatment of the Ten Rings themselves. They are a very interesting fantastical element especially once Shang-Chi acquires them and the way that he utilises them create a very cool combat style I can’t wait to see more of, even considering that their full potential is yet to be unlocked. I additionally approve of how they have been differentiated from their comic counterparts which to my understanding are just slightly weaker infinity stones; thus, a one-to-one reproduction would’ve been a boring mistake to make. It’s a fantastic film, go see it.

26/09/2021: Sable (20 hours, 99% complete) Sable has the makings of an absolutely fantastic game, it just has a few hiccups and hurdles to deal with. Thankfully most can probably be dealt with by patch as there’s nothing fundamentally wrong with the game; but a game should never be released in a state where it needs a patch to function normally. This game is incredibly buggy. Probably one of the buggiest games I’ve ever played at launch, and I preordered Skyrim. Most of my complaints are with the menus, which simply do not work properly sometimes, but there are other documented issues with collision detection and weird bike movement among others including one annoying persistent issue with the soundtrack being replaced by random ‘bong’ noises. For these reasons I cannot recommend the game Right Now until it is patched or if it is on a significant sale. However, once the bugs are fixed this game will be a stunning achievement. The story is good and leads to powerful emotional moments, aided along by an excellent atmospheric soundtrack and beautiful visuals. The style and colour give this game an exceptional look, though diminished by a fairly rapid day/night cycle. I understand that this creates a visual contrast to make the daytime feel more vibrant and impressive, but I would also hold the sun still in the sky if that were an option. The world is well built, with interesting lore and cool design work. Varied environments show off a range of colourful landscape all with their own distinct atmospheres and landmarks which are good both for navigation and exploration, this being the bulk of the game. Exploring these environments is satisfying for curiosities sake but also offers collectible Chums that I adore and an intriguing backstory and world history to consider. Riding a hoverbike is cool and fun, and the customisability is nice though I would take issue with the “balancing” of bike parts as the best bike can be acquired only a few hours in and must be bought, where bike parts earned through long quest chains pale in comparison. This annoys me as I believe players should be rewarded more for great deeds than for acquiring currency, besides which the quest bikes look cooler. This is of little importance however as the game is a very casual and chill experience, keeping an excellent balance where it is not strictly challenging but does maintain your focus and attention. This world is full of strangeness and a little sci-fi magic; though I would argue it could use more of this I think that would threaten to overwhelm the player when even this world’s most mundane elements are still stunningly cool. I think a thick coat of bugs covers what is ultimately a magnificent game with many cool things to explore and even marred by its worst features I still had a great time playing it.

27/09/2021: The Matrix

Brilliant. A very cerebral action movie which definitely earns its place as an iconic work of cinema and its clear to see why its influence is so widespread. Fantastic action with a clear and open perspective which utilises the interesting and dynamic cinematography that runs throughout the movie. I particularly enjoy how over the top the fights are in terms of environmental destruction and gestures as a whole, with a great deal of emphasis added by practical effects which I enjoy. Cool characters, good dialogue and excellent performances across the cast. And, an interesting world well-built and designed. The robots particularly are quite intimidating and I like their arthropodal form. All of the design works well to create the feeling of a greasy industrial post apocalypse which contrasts sharply with the boring homogenous simulation, the latter having its own value as a setting due to its familiarity which would’ve been especially prevalent when this film first released. I love the soundtrack, especially the final feature of Rage, but most of all I love how deeply you can read into this film and its meaning. Having watched many videos about it I was primed on the trans allegory going in and it is very clearly a present part of the narrative before even considering the context around the Wachowski sisters and their own experience. It is a very interesting part of the story and plays well into other themes built around deconstructing the illusions pressed on us by our society, drawing strong parallels between the struggles of living as a trans person and fighting against an imperialist capitalist society. It is worth watching for any of its constituent parts but together they form a magnificent work of art.

28/09/2021: Star Wars: Visions

The series is a bit of a mixed bag. It definitely overpromises with its first episode which is of a remarkably distinct style, is incredibly cool and has great wacky moments in addition to tasteful call-backs to the wider Star Wars canon. I love the umbrella sabre, it’s a fantastic idea and there needs to be more of them. From there a few episodes are fantastic, The Elder and the final episode, and id rank the Ninth jedi just below them, but the rest of the series is definitely not to my taste. The wide variety of styles on show are all fantastic and the animation is universally very good, just some of the plots are more childish than I would appreciate and the rest are simply not engaging for me to the point that despite a great deal of spectacle occurring I would often be distracted. It’s worth a look if you’re into animation and unique takes on star wars but I find generally lacking.

Django Unchained (2nd Watch) TW: Discussion of Racism and Slavery

Red Flag: Tarantino Movie is good. Very good. Stellar performances from Jamie Foxx, Kerry Washington, Leo Di Caprio, Christoph Waltz and everyone else in the movie to be frank; a special note for the trivia about Leo Di Caprio’s cut up hand during the dining room scene, a lot of respect for a man who can keep working through that kind of injury. We can go through a Tarantino Checklist say the film is well shot with beautiful environments; has excellent and witty dialogue with good attention to detail and mannerism; and finally has great and gory action which does not flinch from terrible injury and really appeals to a perverse bloodlust that seems to crop up from time to time in normal people. Strangely enough however, I could not recall if Tarantino indulges in his predilection for feet here. This film does indulge in Tarantino’s other predilection however and that’s the N-word, but here I respect it. Unlike his non-period works, the use of the N-word is a facet of slavery just as chains, whips and plantations are and slavery is the subject of this film which seeks to be historically authentic. If anything, the absence of the N-word would be very wrong in this case despite being the project of a white man as without it the film would lack the context of a key form of oppression that still exists today. I think Django does an excellent job documenting and commenting on the institution as it existed in the pre-war period. Django experiences every level of status a black person would encounter in this setting: first a slave, then a freedman, a black slaver and finally a Liberator and the final message of the film is that slavery deserved to be destroyed and any argument made for its return is horseshit which is kind of a “Duh” statement but with the state of modern politics and the state of education in the US it’s something that needs reiterating. You can interpret this beyond the bounds of slavery itself in addition, by arguing that there are existing powers in this world which seek to discriminate based on skin colour amongst other factors and create oppressed minorities for the benefit of a wealthy few with power and should the systems that create this environment be completely destroyed it would be cause for celebration. Beyond this I particularly enjoyed the historical authenticity of the environments, of the very varied biomes of the wilder parts of the US at the time, and the contemporary outfits especially King Schultz’ coat which I desire more than any item of clothing I’ve ever seen. The film is good at building suspense both in the moment to moment and through longer story arcs, particularly the second act, but I do feel like the 2nd act lulls a little, perhaps spends slightly too long reaching its climax. This is a great spectacle of a film which looks and sounds fantastic, puts excellent performances on show, tells a great story and has quite a bit of meaning bundled into it.

29/09/2021: The Road to El Dorado (Unfinished)

Despite not finishing it I think this film is actually really good. It certainly has a few elements which don’t fully gel with me but I enjoyed my time with it; I only felt like I should really be doing something else and that I wasn’t fully engaged with it, potentially as I’m not keen on cons and high stakes acting as it feels like a form of vicarious embarrassment for me which makes me immensely uncomfortable. Personal hindrances aside most everything about this film is excellent, I loved the animation and the very colourful world. The characters were fun, the voice acting good, the constant horniness was a great bonus also. I take issue with the music, much as it’s not my right to criticise Elton John, I feel it would’ve been better fully incorporated into the film. I enjoy animated musicals more when said music is diegetic and I think them beginning to employ non-diegetic music is part of what led to their downfall, outside of market saturation. Additionally, I was not a fan of The Trail we Blaze, just not a song that worked for me. I also appreciate the integration of 3d and 2d animation here as I felt the styles were reconciled better here than in most movies, especially for the time. I might take issue with what seems to be a plot about two Spanish men of the colonial age coming to central America and “enlightening” its people through humanitarian acts and music as that would reflect some troubling attitudes but I hold out hope that by the end of the film they decide to come clean about the lie, return the gold and help defend El Dorado from Cortez and his troops. Its enjoyable, I don’t feel drawn to finishing it though.

30/09/2021: Hunters Moon, Ghost

Here’s a new one, music reviews. This single is pretty good I enjoy it a lot. Opens slow and gentle and rapidly builds into some strong rock with a very 80s feel which scans with Ghosts whole historical rock and metal style they’ve always employed but have gone in extra hard on since Prequelle. The lead riff the track opens on is really nice and I would love to have seen it explored further, but the heavier style that ramps up progressively as the song continues is still great climaxing on the 9/4 post chorus riff which goes hard as fuck and I love that bit especially. It feels like it would be spectacular to witness it live. The bridge is a moment I’m not so keen on, the initial bass work is a little bare bone and overly repetitive but it definitely picks up once the guitar and vocals come in, even if just for the final moments. The final chorus leads into a good finale though I think it’ll serve better on an album version with a transition into another track, as I usually prefer to be fair. Technically I enjoy all of the different sounds and effects employed on all the instruments, especially in that leading riff, all of which are played well with good time. The vocals are great as usual. It’s a great track, I feel it was maybe a little short and could’ve explored some of its musical ideas or given them a bit more time to breathe; perhaps less time could have been given to overrepresented elements like the bridge and given over to work more into the very atmospheric leading riff but this is still a hard and heavy rock track and I enjoy it greatly.

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silver-wield · 4 years

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body language analysis: tifa and cloud train scene!! go!

Oh, Nonny, you made my morning with this!! I mean, it's not like I haven't touched on Cloud and Tifa's body language in gif reblogs, but an actual post dedicated to one of the best moments of the game? YAY!!

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven't played (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it's gonna be a long one so prepare to scroll.

Also, this is one person's interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that's cool and we'll agree to disagree.

You're also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I'm grabbing them from Youtube and it's frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.

Other analyses if anyone's interested.

Shinra HQ vision scene (Cloti/plot analysis)

Chapter 3 (Cloti reblog)

Tifa character analysis

Aerith Resolution (plot analysis)

Train graveyard (not really an analysis, but I got some sweet screenshots of Cloti)

Now, strap in and enjoy the ride.

So, the corkscrew tunnel scene – or clotiscrew tunnel as I've seen it called – begins with Avalanche caught by the sensors on the train. After a timed fight – which, yes, it's possible to lose, but it's also clear this is a “bad ending” where you've made Cloud look like an incompetent dick who can't even handle a few drones – we see Barret mustering his courage and leaping from the train (he's so damn cute sometimes, I'm gonna have to do a post about his development with Cloud at some point).

The action then cuts to Tifa, frozen in front of the door, too afraid to jump (you can hear her whimpering). Cloud calls her name, deals with the last drone and comes over. Now, in the OG, obviously they all jump one after the other because polygons and popeye arms would've just looked like a total mess and Square admitted they neglected Cloti to highlight all the relationship development between Clerith since she dies later.

Cut to 2020 and we get this. Damn, Square, if I didn't already love you for pretty much my entire life already I'd have fallen for you all over again. In fact, I think I probably did.

Ok, I'm done gushing. Kinda.

I think the first thing I have to point out is that Cloud, at no point, needed to do this. He could have verbally encouraged Tifa to jump without the need for physical support at all. After all, the train's slowing down and she was fine in the OG, so who's to say she wouldn't be fine now, too? By calling her name and fixing her attention on him he's actually stalling her jump.

You'll notice that Tifa doesn't take her eyes off the tracks (before this screen obvs since I can see that’s her feet, work with me here), which is fitting since she's zeroed in on that fearful moment and actually can't move without help. Cloud's face in this is displaying typical tension you'd expect in a high energy scene. He's concerned for Tifa, but he's also focused on dealing with the mechs, which he does very quickly. Now, you could argue he did that to get on with the mission, or you could argue he did that because he saw Tifa needed him and his focus shifted to her. And watching the seconds following him turning to look at her, I'd say there's evidence towards the latter because he's actually lost focus on the last mech and it attacks him first causing him to block and parry.

This is the first instance of touching in this scene, and until this point, Tifa hadn't moved or acknowledged Cloud. He needed to physically draw her from her thoughts and you'll hear a surprised exhale from her as she turns to look at him, showing she was lost within herself until he drew her out. Cloud is obviously looking at the tracks, judging his next move. He's already planning what he has to do to keep both of them safe, which is clear from his decisive nod, along with a reassuring, but grim, smile, before pulling Tifa out the door. Remember, I said he could’ve verbally got her attention. He didn’t. He chose touch.

See what I mean about janky quality? Anyway, this is clear concern about Tifa's safety, but also, remember, Cloud is on the mission because Tifa said she felt trapped and he's related that back to their promise that she needs a hero. He's being her hero.

Okay, we're getting to the meat of things now.

First, fucking ouch, he definitely looks pained, meaning that whole manoeuvre wasn't as smooth as he pretended. As they slow down, he puts a bracing hand against the ground to prevent him rolling onto Tifa (because he's a gent and also toting a sword that weighs more than Barret lol).

What's interesting is where his left hand is in this. Make a note: middle of her back. Tifa's head is tucked into Cloud's neck – safety move, so nothing big there. I've seen some people note Tifa's leg is between Cloud's, but I'm gonna discount that as the way they've locked together during the roll. It's unintentional.

Oh, but this isn't! Cloud has absolutely no reason to put his hand back on Tifa. He could leave it lying flat on the ground. You could argue he needs both to help her get off him, but she's on top. She can do that herself. He has no further need past the initial save to have his hands on her, unless that's what he wants. Obviously we can't see his face in this because of Tifa's hair, but this, combined with the next screen tell a very definite story.

He moved his hand! That left hand, he didn't need to move it up in such a caressing gesture. Coupled with the very intense gaze he gives her, I was swooning like a maiden wearing a too tight corset lol

Now, you could argue he's just concerned, it's a high tension situation. Well, I argue that every single trope using this kind of scene results in sexual tension/flustered characters and/or a kiss. Remember, right at this second, he has no reason to still be lying with her like this. In fact, him moving his hand further up her back is a bracing gesture that would keep her close, not release her. Tifa's fists are balled against his chest, which signifies she's protecting her hands – she's a hand-to-hand fighter remember -- but her face is relaxed. She's not feeling awkward or eager to escape.

Eye contact!! Can I just leave it at that? No? Cloud isn't actually the type to keep prolonged eye contact. Oh, did you think I was about to say something else? Well, for literally anyone who hasn't paid attention to him, Cloud often looks away when he feels awkward, flustered, unsure, basically any negative emotion. The only time he looks anyone in the eye is when he's confronting them or at ease. Remember, even when Jessie teased him about smiling during chapter 4 he looked away, embarrassed. Cloud doesn't handle eye contact well. Which is why this is such a huge deal. He's keeping prolonged eye contact with Tifa. He doesn't look away from her eyes when he asks if she's ok. And that question – ah my heart! So soft and tender. You can hear the care and concern in his tone. It anchors the entire scene from start to finish. Everything he just did was because he cares about Tifa and wants to look after her. He wants to make sure she's ok, even if it means he suffers for it. Pretty sure some people will disagree with this, but the damn man wore a dress and went through a humiliating dance routine – humiliating for him, I fucking loved it – just to save her. His first words in Wall Market are he wants to save Tifa, but Aerith cuts him off before he can finish the sentence.

These are the moments that I have to go back over a million times to catch. Check the tiny eye narrowing and uplift at the corner of his mouth. She said she's ok and he's happy about it. He's her hero – in not so many words. Tifa's shaky reply and pale face confirm her shock and fear, but also you can see an easing of the tension in her. There's a subtle softening of her muscle definition and facial expression that displays the trust and belief she has in Cloud that he'd look after her. This is a very mutually appreciative moment between them. Definitely not one sided.

And then the moment is over, without any flustered blushing or stammering, and thank God there wasn't because that would be so ooc I just can't with it. Cloud, despite being an awkward af dork who doesn't know how to deal with women hitting on him, doesn't turn into a flustered 14 year old trying to tell his crush he's leaving Nibelheim whenever they have contact. We've already seen smooth!Cloud giving Tifa a flower and complimenting her like a cheeky bastard. He can handle being around her because he feels comfortable. He can compliment her because of that, too. He might be slightly separated from those childhood feelings, but they're in there and they're motivating him to be outgoing towards her. To show her the cool SOLDIER he became that's worthy of being beside her.

But, yeah, back to the point. The moment is over. Or is it? Because that is some very further prolonged eye contact between them when there doesn't have to be. Tifa moves back, Cloud moves forward, they're both getting up and yet, they're both looking at each other. I don't know about you, but I find it easier to look where I'm going when I've fallen on my ass and need to get up. I sure af don't stare longingly into someone's eyes like I can't bear not to.

And now it really is over because right after this the mechs arrive. But before that, some more prolonged eye contact. There literally is no need for them to do this at this point. Tifa looks pensive, but I think that's her default tbf. Yet, at the same time, there's an intensity in her gaze like she wants to say something – maybe it's just a thank you, that would turn into a flirty conversation of some sort “you didn't need to do that,” “I wanted to” kind of deal – so it makes sense they're interrupted because Square said they didn’t want to overdo the amount of Cloti content they added and this is already a very charged scene.

Meanwhile, Cloud is looking at her like she's his entire world and he's just waiting for her to realise it. There's an aura of expectation in his pose and face. They're both crouching in mirrored poses, which as some of you may know is what you do when you're trying to build rapport with someone. It's basic body language building blocks. Toddlers do this. They're both on one knee, slightly leaning forward. Now, if there was no rapport between them, if they wanted to end the moment, one of them would stand up, breaking the mirrored pose and cutting off eye contact. This would put one above the other and show an imbalance in their relationship. This doesn't happen. They both turn at the same time, rise at the same time and fight pose at the same time.

Conclusion:

Seriously? After all that you can't draw your own?

Ok, I'll be fair to the other side. Let's take away Cloud's history with Tifa – since that's the biggest argument for them: the childhood crush trope.

If Cloud and Tifa weren't friends, just colleagues on a mission, this scene would still be hella charged with sexual tension and implication that Cloud has a thing for her. Even if it's just basic sexual attraction, that's still attraction and a marker on the pathway to a relationship.

But, they are friends, so moving on.

Tifa is the more reserved one in this dynamic. She's naturally shy – it's canon – but even with that, she's affected by Cloud. She holds that eye contact. Her voice is equally soft as his. She mirrors his pose. She doesn't try to get away the second they stop moving. Cloud is the one to move things along, without awkwardness because he's comfortable with Tifa. He's not out of sorts having her lying on top of him – which you can argue means he's not interested, but I literally just pointed out all the ways in which he is into her. Being comfortable in someone's company doesn't mean a person isn't attracted to them. If I had to stick a pin in Cloud's sexuality I'd say he's on the demi scale, meaning he needs to have a deep emotional connection to whoever he's with before he falls in love with them. He's not a love at first sight kind of guy.

This fits with the childhood crush trope. Cloud's known Tifa for years and developed an attraction to her that still lingers, making a reconnection between them easier. He's not slobbering over her because he's Cloud and very stoic – I know people say his true self isn't like this, but it is only with more insecurity and desire to prove himself. He's still a very reserved guy with a dry sense of humour. He's prone to melancholy and self doubt, which is why his friends bolster his confidence so much.

Point is, everything in this scene showcases a deep and meaningful relationship between the two of them at its best, while at its most shallow it shows Cloud is sexually attracted to Tifa, which is something that could develop into a more meaningful relationship later. Either way, it's a marked moment in their interactions that Cloud's non-optional choices led to it. There's no either/or within this. It happened.

#cloti #final fantasy 7 remake spoilers #final fantasy 7 remake analysis

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oceanera12 · 3 years

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Knight Fall

So... this AU popped into my head because of a Descendants 3 Song. No, I am not joking and no, I will not apologize because I cannot make animatics.

We need to establish a few things:

First: the world this happens in is going to be very similar to Young Justice with a few changes. Ras and his loyal followers have been kicked out of the League and are keeping a low profile. Just kind of ignore most of the main plot of Season 3 minus Nightwing finding out about their apparent loss of control/banishment.

Second: Jason has been “dead” for about three years. Two and a half of those years have been spent with the League (Resurrection stuff and such has happened and he does suffer from a bit of memory loss).

Third: Damian is seven years old. He’s a brat, he is trained, and he and Hood have the “best” relationship out of the Al Gaul bunch because Hood doesn’t force him to train 24/7 or punish him for failing. So Talia is not a good Mom in this story.

The characters of this story are either on Team Bats or Team Al Ghul (at least at the beginning).

Team Bats consists of Batman/Bruce Wayne, Nightwing/Dick Grayson, Robin/Tim Drake, Agent A/Alfred Pennyworth, Spoiler/Stephanie Brown, and Oracle/Barbara Gordon.

Team Al Gaul consists of Ras Al Ghul, Talia Al Gaul, Ubu, Senseii, Red Hood/Jason Todd, and Damian Wayne-Al Ghul.

With all of that out of the way, let’s begin:

Starts in Gotham with the emergence of the Court of Owls. The Court wants Dick Grayson as their Talon and they are not happy that he’s slipped a bit out of their reach.

They get rumors about the Al Ghul’s falling out of favor/losing control of the League and are interested in recruiting the displaced group.

Yeah, the Al Ghul’s don’t appreciate that very much and send back the head of their messenger as a warning. Of course, the Court isn’t happy about that and find out about Damian.

Their thought process consists of basically “Well, we lost our previous Talon. This one is younger and easier to change. Let’s take him.”

Normally, this wouldn’t be a problem for the Al Ghul’s. But it is only the small group of Assassins vs Undead Army of Talons that get killed, get their bodies picked up, revived, then turned back on the Al Ghul’s.

So very long story short, they flea very reluctantly to the only person who will be able to help: Aka CALLING ON THE BAT.

Red Hood has to wear his mask at all times and is not allowed to speak. Similar situation for Damian, but he’s just in a cute little ninja costume with only his eyes showing. Neither Ras or Talia mentions that Damian is related to Bruce and make an excuse of adopting him as a servant/assassin (which Damian is a bit confused and annoyed about but he is not going to question his Mother or Grandfather).

Bruce is not happy about the situation but the Court has become frustrated because they are trying to kidnap Dick now so he reluctantly agrees to a team-up with the insane assassins.

Since I do not want to plan out every little plot detail, I’m just gonna hit the highlights

Bruce and Ras argue constantly on how to deal with the Court. Bruce wants to take out the Talons (they are already dead so he’s fine with chopping them to pieces) and arrest the leaders, but Ras want to find the actually living members and kill every last one of them. At the same time, the two of them work together on planning the attack on the Court’s headquarters.

Talia just kind of chills in the background. Sometimes she trains Damian, sometimes she helps her father and Bruce with planning the attack, and sometimes she just sits and watches.

Ubu and Sensi train Damian. They are also sent out every once in a while to spy on the Court. None of the Bats interact with either of them for longer then necessary and vice versa.

Hood does not have all of his memories at this point but he really does not like looking at the “memorial case” for what appears to have been the previous Robin. Most of his days consist of people watching because these people are really familiar and why the heck did he know “Agent A” was someone named Alfie? He also does not like the current Robin for no particular reason. ... The Robin grows on him. Very slowly.

Alfred has also decided he likes the Red Hood for no particular reason. He does not understand why the man does not take off his mask, but Hood is more polite to the butler then the rest of the Assassin’s combined. And he doesn’t even speak! He has also decided the smallest assassin with the Al Ghul’s is trouble, but not evil. He insists on treating the boy’s wounds after his “training” (which all of the Bats have spoken about the cruelty of it but there is not much they can do at the moment). Hood helps him most days patch up the young master.

Damian wants to hate the Bats (Grandfather and Mother both warned him not to grow attached to them as they are their enemies-- respected enemies, but enemies. This situation is an exception). He really does. But there is something about them that he is just drawn to. Grayson is a respectable fighter who had decided to teach him the basics of gymnastics. Drake had excellent skills in deducing and technology, offering to upgrade Damian’s arsenal with a few... non-lethal options (the batarangs were too good to say no to, but Damian made sure to hide them from his Mother and Grandfather). Brown was a bit weak, but what she lacked in skill she made up for in determination. Miss Gordon was one of the best Intelligence officers Damian had seen. Pennyworth is an excellent servant that the others treated with the same respect as everyone else. That was a new concept. And then there was Batman. Something about Batman made Damian feel... safe, was the best word for it.

Tim decides he is going to befriend the tiny assassin. Don’t ask him why, he couldn’t tell you. (It might have had something to do with the well hidden looks the tiny assassin shot at Thalia and Ras. It was a look of wanting praise and wanting to please. The Al Ghul’s either hadn’t noticed or ignored it. Either way, Tim understood that situation more than he would care to admit). So Tim and the tiny assassin are on “friendly terms” is the best way to describe it. He also talks a lot to the Red Hood guy. Hood never responds but he also hasn’t pulled a gun on him so he takes that as a good sign.

Stephanie and Barbra hang together and keep an eye on all the assassin’s to make sure no one dies. They also spy on the Court whenever Ubu and Senseii are not. That’s really about it.

Very, very long story short, everyone goes and attacks the Court. They manage to take down most of the Talon’s and Ras goes to kill the leaders and Bruce tries to stop him.

Fragile alliance falls apart and it’s now a free-for-all with the Bats vs. the Al Ghuls vs. The Court. Cheers.

At some point Jason loses his mask which cause a completely different kind of “falling apart” and Hood is really confused because “Who’s Jason?”

The Court escapes, Al Ghul’s leave (with Jason), and the Bats are ticked/sad/confused/angry. Lots of emotions.

Jason had been getting more of his memories back while with the Bats. He gets more of them back over the course of the next few months and while he is angry that Bruce replaced him, he also knows that Damian was MUCH happier with them.

So when the Court comes for Damian again, Jason snatches the kid up in the confusion and takes him back to Gotham because I NEED PROTECTIVE BIG BROTHER JASON. Damian hesitantly goes with Hood but is not as resistant to the idea as he might have been a few weeks back (his mother is NOT a good mother, kay?)

Ras get’s ticked at the world, kills most of the Court members because he thinks Damian got snatched by them (and maybe Hood?). Later finds out Jason was the one to take Damian and tries to kill him, but Damian won’t have that, no siree.

Damian and Jason end up gaining their freedom through combat and head off to Gotham. They get there just before Batman and Co. launch a full blown rescue mission to get Jason back so there’s some saved resources, I suppose.

Also: “Bruce, meet Damian. He’s Talia and your demon spawn.” “... what?” “My father is Batman???”

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lethendralis-paints · 4 years

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Artist Meme

Was tagged to answer this set of interesting questions by @kourvo

(original post is here: https://kourvo.tumblr.com/post/621355098110640128/artist-meme

Thank you so much for that!

Let’s see....

1) What is the character you've drawn the most (Can be original or fanart)

This precious boy. I can never get enough of him. One of the most compelling characters I have ever come across. Love everything about Fenris and can relate to him on so many levels!

2. What colour do you often use?

Gray and brown are my faves. And all other colours have the same chance of appearing in my artwork :D

3. Any colour you are bad at using?

I don’t think so...I love them all, even the pinks and yellows people usually find hard to incorporate into a colour palette. Tell me in the comments if I’m wrong :)

4. When drawing people, where do you start?

Funnily enough - either with the front of the hairline or with the left eyebrow. Don’t ask me, why - I don’t know myself.

5. What is a character only your eraser will love?

Hmmmm...any sort of villainous character. I can’t draw evil people convincingly. I’m a huge softy at heart.

6. Which of your works took the longest time?

Big scale commission I did for @pikapeppa, featuring all the Inquisition companions, along with Fenris, Rynne and Carver Hawke. That one took almost 3 weeks, due to its sheer scope and my relative lack of experience in such large works. Pika was extremely patient with me though, for that I am eternally thankful!

7. What techniques do you use when you want to improve in drawing?

Classical art studies. Varying my technique, themes I choose and software I use. I try to experiment and go outside my comfort zone often.

8. What do you think of the art of the person who gave you this ask meme?

I adore Lillymon’s technical skill, refined style and limited colours! She is a huge inspiration for me!

9. What art tools/media are you good with?

DrawPile, Photoshop, graphite pencils and liners. That’s about it :)

10. Art tools/media you are bad at?

Traditional paints. I have no formal artistic education and my lack of knowledge comes to the forefront whenever I have to paint on a real canvas. It’s so much trial and error, you can’t even imagine....

11. What do you think about your own art?

Lately it’s one of the last few things that were bringing me joy. I hope I won’t lose the passion for it. Because at this point I’m not sure I’ll be able to find some occupation I will be genuinely interested in and good at it. I don’t know if me gravitating towards moody fantasy art speaks about my fear of facing reality. If so, idk what to do with that. I do hope to develop my skills and being able to support myself financially as an artist.

12. Do you consult references for your drawings?

Yes. A lot of them. Anatomical atlases, schemes for both academic and manga art, photographs found online and taken on my own, copying colour palettes from classical art - anything goes. I think it’s essential to develop your technical skill.

13. What do you like about your art?

Lately - consistency, both in terms of produced results and in sticking to the timelines I set to myself. I hope this lasts. I would also like to branch out to other themes and not confine myself to quirky fantasy characters, so I’m working on developing my own story behind the scenes (spoilers) :P

14. What habits do you have while drawing?

Only the bad ones, lol. Hunching forward in front of the screen, forgetting to eat, drink and letting my eyes rest. Tilting my head to the side instead of rotating the canvas....I’m an idiot XD

15. Are you good at drawing faces facing right?

I think that’s the thing I’m good at!

16. How frequently do you draw?

For the last 1,5 years - almost every day without fail, for good or ill.

17. What do you do when you have artist's block?

Change occupation and work myself into a depressed state. I changed work places in the last few years a lot, working as an interior designer, draftsman, textile designer, a cook, a bartender to name a few.

18. What must you have when you draw?

No commotion around me and a cup of some hot beverage.

19. Do you have a lot of stray lines (messy lineart)?

In the starting stage of my work process - yes, like you wouldn’t believe! If it’s a personal doodle, I sometimes just leave in as am under layer and draw clean lines on top of that mess. It looks cool in a way.

20. What is drawing to you?

An essential part of what helped me to retain my sanity in the last year and a half. Hopefully a lasting profession that will help me pay bills and survive on my own, if my life falls apart entirely later.

21. Your art goal from now on?

Broaden the themes I depict, improve my technical skill, work on personal creative project and not only fan arts. And most of all - not giving up on it this time.

22. Artists you've had influence from?

To name a few: @kallielef @kourvo @shayafury @fairsparrow who I met here on Tumblr, and many others who I follow and zealously study their works for clues on how to improve my own work.

23. Artists you like?

I am following them all either here or on Instagram, I also do my best to share their works on my side blog!

24. Which is easier to draw, humans or animals?

It was animals earlier. But now that I started to diligently study human anatomy, I would say it evened out! I’m quite confident drawing humans/humanoids now!

25. Show us an old drawing

My first digital drawing from 2010 when I first bought my tablet!

26. What is the charm-point of your art?

I ummm....I don’t really get the question? Is that like the the strongest suit of me as an artist? Intense expressions maybe? Idk. Let me know in the comments :D

27. What is the first thing you would draw if we're talking about fantasy?

Broody warriors, he-he

28. Please draw your most beloved character:

Here’s a sneak-peek of me drawing him right now! :D

29. When thinking of characters is it mostly female? male? or androgynous/no sex?

I usually gravitate towards depicting strong-willed, caring, passionate, brave, honest men and women.

30. What did you draw yesterday?

Started cleaning up that sketch from the last question, actually!

31. What is the funnest part to draw?

A circle. Mostly because you’d die laughing seeing my struggle to draw a believable one XD

32. What part of other people's drawings do you notice first?

colours, mood, eyes, hands.

33. Regarding backgrounds, what is your method of making it easier to draw?

pick your favourite textured brush, find a good reference for mood and colour scheme, zoom out, squint your eyes and start slapping colours like mad. You’d be amazed at how much you’ll be able to achieve in 30 minutes with this approach. Bare white background is the enemy - destroy it! >:)

34. What colour coordinations do you like?

Gray or brown as a main colour and then deep, earthy, saturated colours to complement the main one. Pink and orange is the combination I strangely enjoy using lately too.

35. What character did you last draw? Fenris and Eris :)

36. Does your style change easily?

I don’t think so. More like it’s evolving slowly into something more serious and deliberate.

37. What part of drawing do you pay most attention to?

Facial expression, body movement, mood and light effects. Not so much the composition and framing, he he.

38. How do you feel about drawing adult art?

Tbh, I don’t consider straight up porn to be ‘adult’ exactly. To me adult art means aiming towards serious topics, exploring complex emotions and ideas, being honest with your viewer. I did doodle a few more steamy sketches of my OTP just to see if I could, but it was definitely a tongue-in-cheek kind of a artwork that I don’t take seriously.

39. Do you like criticism from others?

If it’s friendly and in done in private - I welcome it always.

40. How many people do you normally draw per artwork?

1 or 2. Rarely more. Crowded battle scenes are definitely not my thing :D

This was fun! Tagging forward to @shayafury @schoute @stella-minerva @nug-juggler @kallielef and anyone else wishing to go through such a long questionnaire!

#artist meme #art questions #art style #lethendralis rambles #my art

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braveskyered · 4 years

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Knights (Part 18)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17

(Special Thanks once again to @nebulous-rain for providing one of the illustrations. Please check her out if you have the time!)

As much as one would hate for this to be repeated, please be aware that there may be some topics from here on out that you as a reader will find uncomfortable. Elaborating what they are in the beginning will be considered spoilers.

Do remember that this story is a work of fiction. Any similarities between characters or events to persons - living or dead - in our real world are purely coincidental.

Only those that have understood and thus agreed to the above have the privilege of continuing to read Knights to the very end with a clear head.

Do you understand what you are getting yourself into?

Yes ←

Your goal is to remain strong in the times you are weak, and to keep on fighting even when you are down.

Because if you don’t…

What exactly are you fighting for in the long run?

Part 18: And When You Least Expect It...

- - - - - - -

Arthur quietly tucked Vivian into bed for her mid-afternoon nap. So many thoughts, memories, and emotions flood through his mind that he doesn’t really know where to start processing it all.

He isn’t really sure what Elaine was thinking when she had him go ahead to the hotel with the children while she remained behind at a nearby café just a few blocks away to talk to Mr. Pepper. Elaine knew that Arthur didn’t want anyone to know which hotel he stayed in, even though it wouldn’t take a genius to figure that out with how few campers are actually in the town itself.

“Dad.”

Arthur turned away from Vivian to see Gwen and Percy looking concerned.

“Hah… I’m all right, Percy,” he sighed as he sat down on the opposite bed, “I’m just tired.”

“That man we met right before,” Gwen jabbed a thumb at the door, “Who is he?”

He let out a breath of resignation, knowing that his family will find sooner or later, “Joe Pepper. He and his wife are both owners and chefs of the Pepper Paradiso.”

“Pepper? Wait, are both Belle Pepper and her sister related to him?” Percy asked.

Arthur shrugged as he stated the obvious, “He’s their father, so yes.”

The twins looked at each other briefly before Gwen piped up, “Do you have any idea as to how he lost his arm?”

As much as Arthur knew that he doesn’t have any right to meddle in the Pepper family affairs, that is one question that puzzled him, “No, he still had both arms when I left, so whatever happened occurred sometime in the seventeen years I was gone.”

“What about his… breakdown earlier?” Percy asked uneasily, “First Belle, then Cayenne, and now their father… Just what the heck did they do to you that made them regret it so badly?”

“Your guess is as good as mine,” Arthur shook his head before smiling at his son and daughter, “But we shouldn’t be talking about this. I made it a point to not interact with them anymore if I can help it, not after everything that happened because of me.”

“Because of… you?”

He shouldn’t have said that. He knew that he shouldn’t have said that. He cursed at his slip of the tongue at telling his family everything about what happened so long ago. But at the same time, he knew that he couldn’t hide it from them forever.

So what is he to do?

He let out a brief laugh that sounded like a sob, but thankfully he did not shed tears.

“Hah… So many things went wrong that day, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it because I was so weak,” he disguised his distress by letting out a sad chuckle and tried to smile to his family, “Even now, even though I’m your father, I can’t do anything to help you all stay safe like your mother and nana had done yesterday.”

“That’s not your fault, Daddy!”

To Arthur’s surprise, Gwen grabbed his hand with both of hers.

“We all know you want us to be safe,” Gwen said, “Why do you think you’ve always been our navigator whenever we go on real jobs as a family? And for as long as we can remember, you’ve always been there for us. Whenever we were sad, or sick, or even just lonely, you were there. You did protect us, Daddy. You protected us just by being there for us. You even taught us so many things Mom wouldn’t have been able to teach us.”

“You gave us the brains,” Percy nodded with a bright grin as he pumped a fist, “Mom gave us the brawn. I’d say that’s a good combination.”

Arthur let out a brief laugh before standing up to embrace them.

“Thank you. Really.”

Gwen and Percy returned the favor as they wrapped their arms around him. For a brief moment, it was just a father holding his two oldest children--

“Daddy! No fair!”

--close. Arthur turned his head to chuckle at Vivian looking envious with a funny-looking scowl and pout. Shaking his head slightly in amusement, he brought one hand out to his youngest daughter to invite her in the circle, which she immediately took.

Gwen, Percy, and Vivian. The three children that became his only reasons for living, that he loved with all his heart, and the ones that he wanted to protect above all else.

He won’t let anyone hurt them.

…

“Hey, Daddy? Do you really not know what happened?”

Arthur tensed upon hearing Gwen ask that question before releasing the children from his hold. He looked out the window of their hotel room, suddenly finding interest in the few clouds that were floating in the sky.

What is he to tell them? Why is he holding back? He thinks he knows why, but he can’t comprehend it, he can’t understand it. It just doesn’t make any sense. It goes against everything he knows, against everything he learned.

“Daddy?”

Arthur sighed deeply. All he know is that everything that went wrong… was all my fault.

“Dad, we just told you that none of this is your fault.”

He gave his son a confused glance before realizing that he had said some of his thoughts out loud. With a furrowed brow, Arthur struggled to understand it all, he just couldn’t.

“Daddy?”

Arthur looked down at Vivian before pulling her into his lap. Right at that moment, he felt his phone vibrating continuously. After making sure Vivian is safe in his hold, he took his phone out from his pocket and looked at the screen to see who was calling. He quickly answered it, “Elaine?”

“Hey, Arthur. How are you holding up? Are you and the kids okay?”

“We’re fine,” he nodded, “We’re just waiting for you to come back when… you’re done.”

Elaine was silent for a moment, then spoke before Arthur could prompt her, “Actually, I was hoping if you could come down to where I am.”

He went stiff and barely registered Vivian clinging to him.

“I spoke with Mr. Pepper and...” Elaine sounded hesitant, “He told me about what happened before you left,” she then started to sound a little upset, “He said that he and his family want to apologize for what they had put you through. In person.”

“They don’t have anything to apologize for.”

“What? My knight, they said that during their youngest daughter’s birthday, you—”

“Elaine, they didn’t do anything wrong,” Arthur said firmly, “It was something I deserved since it was because of me their son died. Mr. Pepper knows as well as I do that everything that had happened back then was, and still is, my fault. I bet they were in a better state ever since I left their lives.”

The phone went silent for a moment before Elaine spoke again, “Are you sure that’s the case, Arthur? Because Mr. Pepper was telling me that ever since you left, things in this town had actually gotten worse. Way worse.”

“Everyone has a hard time every now and then, Elaine. We went through such, too.”

“Well, yes, that’s true. But I don’t think our hard times were caused by a curse.”

What?

Is this the excuse everyone in Tempo is using now? A feeling of dread and disgust started to bubble in his throat, and it took a few swallows to keep the feeling of bile threatening to rush down.

After everything went wrong so long ago, after Lewis was killed, after the Mystery Skulls found the wraith and took that home, all Arthur did after leaving Tempo was sending his uncle letters. All the letters contained were just simple messages such as “How are you,” “I’m doing okay,” some small talk, and would typically end with a “don’t try to look for me.”

The only thing Arthur ever cursed about is his own being, for being so weak, being so pathetic, and being a failure as a human being. If it hadn’t been for the love and kindness he had received from Elaine and her family, he didn’t doubt that he would’ve ended up in a worse place than where he was before, if not dead by the time Galahad had passed.

“A curse, Elaine?” Arthur couldn’t help but scoff at the remark, “The only curse I know of is the fact that I’m in this town. I shouldn’t have come back.”

“No, Arthur, I’m serious. This town has been afflicted with a strange curse not long after you left.”

Now this is just getting ridiculous. Arthur knows more than anyone to not doubt about curses, but this? …It’s just ridiculous, as redundant as that sounds, even to him.

“Even so, I think we really need to talk this over with the Pepper family,” Elaine said with determination, “I will be with you during the discussion while Nana Niniane keeps an eye on the kids. It’ll just be us, Mr. Pepper, and his wife. His daughters Belle and Cayenne won’t take part in the conversation. Belle’s still with your uncle at Kingsmen Mechanics where Aunt Morgan is keeping an eye on things, and Cayenne is still in the hospital on watch.”

“And Paprika?”

“Who?”

“The youngest daughter.”

There was a brief silence on the other line before Arthur got an answer, “He says that she’s recently taken over as the head chef of the Pepper Paradiso, so even though she’s also at the restaurant, she’ll probably be too busy to talk to us.”

A chill went through his spine.

“You’re at the Pepper Paradiso, aren’t you,” Arthur didn’t ask his question, he expected it.

“I am,” Elaine said, “My knight, I know that you’re at your limit, and I know that you never wanted to do this. I know you have suffered so much and gone through so much misery, so much more compared to what anyone would have gone through in their entire lifetime. I know you don’t want to talk to anyone from the Pepper family because you’ve said that you’re ‘not allowed to.’”

So she is aware of the rules, or some of them at least. Despite this, Arthur knew where this was going as he stared off into the distance. She’s going to try to convince him to talk to them anyway as to break the rules.

“But I think I have a solution to get around this.”

Without turning his head, Arthur slowly shifted his gaze to his phone.

“What is it?”

When Arthur heard Elaine’s suggestion, he decided to give it some thought, and finally smiled for the first time since the conversation started.

Even now, his beloved light has always been thoughtful for him.

- - - - - - -

A few more turns of the wrench were needed to finish the job. Satisfied that the nuts and bolts were in place and tightened enough, Arthur slid out from beneath the sedan and sat up.

It was a typical day with Arthur working in his uncle’s repair shop. The truck had its flex pipe snapped into two pieces, causing the engine to emit the original loud sounds that would be muffled so it wouldn’t be a nuisance for a typical owner. All Arthur needed to do now was to start the car’s engine to see if it’s back to its relatively quiet state. If it is, then the job is officially done.

The paperwork wasn’t too difficult. All Arthur had to do was record what he was doing, what parts he used, and what process he was using to get the work done. He had to remove the broken flex pipe, grab a suitable replacement from the junkyard behind the shop, cut the pipes to make sure the replacement would fit into the original, weld them together, then assemble the repaired flex pipe back in.

“Arthur, are you in here?”

Arthur smiled. He could recognize that voice anywhere in an instant.

“Lewis? Yeah, I’m here, just give me a sec.”

Within the next few minutes, Arthur came to a good stopping point and cleaned up the oil stains from his hands. Hearing the familiar footsteps, Arthur looked up and saw Lewis grinning.

“Hey,” he greeted before noticing something in Lewis’s possession, “What’s with the box?”

“Sorry, Arthur, I know this seems sudden since you’re still working, but I need you to help me with this,” Lewis held out the medium sized package out to him a bit. From the looks of it, it had arrived in the mail for him not too long ago.

“I can try. Is it something you need help assembling?”

“Oh, no no, not that,” Lewis chuckled, “I just need you to hold on to this until it’s closer to Christmas.”

“Until Christmas?” Arthur blinked in surprise, “But that’s not until the next three to four months. You went Christmas shopping already?”

“Sort of. It’s for Paprika,” Lewis said, “She happened to see an advertisement on TV about this toy rabbit she really wanted, and I saw her asking Mom and Dad about it. Problem is, the toy’s a limited edition and it was quite the hot seller, if you know what I’m saying. I somehow managed to get the last one before it was sold out.”

“Oh…” Arthur slowly made a nod, understanding where Lewis is getting at. Trying to get a toy for a child that’s high in demand but low in supply is never fun, especially if one considers some other people would try to buy them and then sell it online at a much higher price. If that’s the case, Lewis was indeed very, very lucky to get his hands on it.

“Normally, I would just hide it somewhere in my house, but lately the girls have been getting all over everything, even in my own closet whenever they play hide-and-seek,” Lewis gestured his head to the exit, “We haven’t officially started the Christmas shopping yet, but I wanted to make sure that this one is kept safe from their little misadventures.”

Arthur couldn’t help but smirk at that, “And you knew that the girls would never look in a dirty mechanic’s shop, huh?”

“Haha! Yep.”

Arthur couldn’t help but widen his smirk at Lewis’s “devious” plan of hiding things, especially since this isn’t the first time Lewis has done this.

“But yeah, sure, I’ll hold on to it for you. When do you need it back?”

- - - - - - -

“T-Thank you.”

Elaine had asked him to remain seated at a nearby table. With Arthur sitting in one booth with Elaine and Mr. Pepper sitting in the second behind it, Elaine had positioned herself so that she would be sitting right behind Arthur despite having their backs turned to each other in a sense. With the raised barriers between the booths, the Peppers can’t see him, and he can’t see them in turn. He isn’t sure about whether they know he’s here or not, but he’d like to think it was the former.

The solution Elaine had come up with as a workaround is that Arthur would “accidentally eavesdrop” on her conversation with Lewis’s parents, Joe and Lokia Pepper. During any questions that needed Arthur’s input or if he needed to ask something without the Peppers knowing, he would just text it to Elaine and let her handle the rest.

When Arthur briefly saw Mr. and Mrs. Pepper together while they were distracted by Elaine, he couldn’t believe just how… defeated they looked. Seeing Mr. Pepper lacking his right arm did raise some concern, but upon seeing Mrs. Pepper’s state…

…he isn’t sure who had it worse.

The burn scars around Mrs. Pepper’s face and part of her scalp were… Arthur wasn’t sure how to describe them. From the way the burns looked on her face, it’s highly likely that a good portion of her body had been burnt, too.

One thing’s for sure in Arthur’s mind. The burn scars he has pale in comparison to Mrs. Pepper’s.

“I-I know that we’re pushing against your boundaries, but we thank you from the bottom of our hearts for hearing us out.”

Arthur wanted to cover his ears and run but he couldn’t. Somehow, Elaine is able to tell whenever he does, and thus send him a text of a star icon next to a moon icon, as a way to tell him that she is there for him, or she would leave some encouraging words for him to cling onto.

“So… You’re Arthur’s wife?” Mr. Pepper asked, and after a moment of what seemed to be him seeing Elaine nod, he added, “How long have you two been married?”

“We’ve actually just reached the fifteen-year mark,” Elaine answered, “But we’re not here to talk about our love life. We’re here to talk about Arthur.”

There was an uncomfortable silence.

“I’m not sure if anyone told you of this recently, or if either of you hadn’t picked up on it now, but Arthur physically cannot be near you for very long, if at all. When you, and previously, your daughters, made the foolish move to approach him without caring about his boundaries like you had done earlier, he would try to run. He told me that whenever he was near any of you, he would get burned. Literally. He still has the scars to prove it.”

She’s not pulling any punches. Arthur notes as he leaned his head against the back of the booth. As he kept his phone on hand, he was tempted to look through the family album again just to look at photos of the kids. In the end, he held off. Elaine has asked him to listen in carefully, and he agreed to do so.

“I… I didn’t think that he’d be—"

“I cannot tell you just how often he said about how he’s not allowed to speak to any of you because it was ‘all his fault’ and that ‘sorry isn’t good enough.’”

“Well… we--"

“So I will make this very clear to you. Arthur has no intention of talking to you and your daughters whatsoever. When he ate the food that was made in this restaurant that one of your daughters had brought to Kingsmen Mechanics for lunch with us yesterday and realized it was from here, he thought he was being poisoned ‘again.’ You do realize that food tampering is a rather serious crime among you chefs. But alas, the statute of limitations exist for a reason.”

“What? What are you talking about? Poiso--?"

“Arthur made it clear to me that he only intended to just visit and reconnect with his only family here, and his uncle made the lovely choice of bringing two of your daughters to visit us yesterday without telling us. Not a smart move if you ask me.”

Another silence.

“When I had spoken to the Yukino family, I heard something very interesting from the old lady, Mr. Yukino’s mother, during her tirade. So let me ask you this. Seventeen years ago…”

The sound of a hand slamming somewhat against the table is heard. Elaine’s voice is slow, icy cold, and piercing to the ears.

“What. Did. You. Do? What was it that you did that drove him out of this town?”

Arthur huddled closer to himself. He can tell that Elaine is beginning to get the wrong idea, but he knew better than to correct her now.

The Peppers hadn’t done anything wrong and had every right to blame him for everything that went wrong that day. Their beloved son is dead, and as a consequence, their family has been torn apart. The three little girls from so long ago had lost their loving big brother, their mentor that had given them so much love and affection, and thus were never the same since upon learning his fate. Arthur knew that he deserved their hatred, even though it had hurt so much.

“You won’t let us apologize until we tell you, is that right?” Mrs. Pepper is speaking now, her voice sounding raspy.

“Considering that I actually know Arthur’s boundaries unlike some people, then you are correct,” Elaine said with a sharp tone, “Tell me everything. Do not leave even a single detail behind.”

Arthur closed his eyes.

…No one will ever understand.

- - - - - - -

Days like these were precious. He has to be careful, though.

Whenever it was time to work at Kingsmen Mechanics, Arthur could only feel relief from the pain, even if only for a moment. He learned not to show it in front of anyone, though, because if the wraith were to catch wind of it, then the punishments he is to receive when returning would be worse. A murderer does not deserve to feel relief.

When floating around, it tends to cause power shortages and make various electronics go on the fritz beyond repair whenever it’s in a certain negative mood, which happens frequently when Vivi isn’t around. After it may or may not have accidentally destroyed the computer on one of the cars that was being repaired for a customer, Lance had forbidden the wraith from entering the repair shop ever since.

As a result, whenever Arthur had to work at Kingsmen Mechanics, Arthur was finally able to relax for the first time in days.

Lance is always happy to see his nephew, especially after Arthur no longer declined to eat meals with him. When Arthur ate a simple dinner of mashed potatoes, a thin steak, and some green beans with Lance, he didn’t have the heart to tell his uncle that he has not eaten a proper meal in over three days, and his meager supply of water that he kept hidden beneath his bed in the wraith’s mansion was running out.

His uncle would ask how things were going between him, Lewis, and Vivi, but Arthur couldn’t bring himself to talk about Lewis. The wraith hated it whenever he said something, and his uncle’s shotgun would make things worse more often than not. Regardless, having his uncle has been a blessing. Whenever he isn’t being punished, beaten, or belittled by the wraith, Arthur could work alongside his uncle and recover enough to take on the well-deserved punishments once again.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?”

Arthur smiled at his uncle as they worked in the shop.

Beneath that smile is a young and vulnerable man, crying in pain. He wanted to scream, to be free of the suffering, he wanted to die.

But he couldn’t.

If he told his uncle what was really happening, the older man would just take a shotgun full of lead or purification salt and fire it on the wraith. If the wraith were to disappear, Vivi’s happiness would be shattered all over again. Vivi also wanted Arthur to be with her, and he had no choice but to comply when she cried that she couldn’t bear to lose either of her precious boys.

In a way, she has already--

“Oh…! Darn it…”

At the Kingsmen residence, while cleaning out the closet located in his bedroom, Arthur accidentally knocked over a somewhat large box and knelt down to pick it up. He felt confused upon noticing a label he didn’t recognize, but then he took the time to read it.

Lewis Pepper

108 Scoville Street

Tempo, TX 28185

Why is there a package for Lewis in his closet? Upon looking at who sent it, Arthur did a quick search of the name and found that it was sent from a well-known toy company— He checked his phone and cursed to himself that he had forgotten to keep his promise to Lewis.

Christmas had already passed; it’s now late April. Paprika never got the present Lewis had gotten her for Christmas, and Arthur knew that it was all his fault. He didn’t know how he would ever be able to make up for this until he soon realized… that Paprika was born at around this time, and it was then Arthur realized that her birthday is…

“It’s in three days,” Arthur muttered and looked down at the package again.

He knew that he had no right to approach the Pepper family. At the same time, he isn’t sure if handing the present to the wraith to deliver it to them will work out, either. For all he knows, the wraith would just destroy the special toy inside with hardly a glance, and Arthur knew that he couldn’t let that happen. Lewis wanted Paprika to have this, and Arthur swore to himself that he will see to it that she gets it.

It’s what Lewis would’ve wanted.

Wrapping it wouldn’t be too much of a hassle, but Lance almost never kept any wrapping paper in his home. When it comes to gift wrapping, Arthur’s uncle usually preferred to leave his presents in gift bags. With that thought in mind, Arthur went to a storage closet down the hallway and did some digging. Miraculously, he was able to find a paper bag large enough to fit the package inside.

It’s only fitting that a used Pepper Paradiso takeout bag will do the job.

Smiling to himself, Arthur stuffed a few old newspapers into it before setting it aside. He’ll have to return to the wraith’s home tomorrow, but he knew how to hide things from the wraith for a little while. It’s risky, but it will be worth it. He didn’t doubt that this will make little Paprika happy. Or cheer her up a little at the very least.

It’s the least he could do to fulfill Lewis’s last request.

…

“Why did it have to be our son?!”

“…’m sorry.”

The force made his head snap to the right.

He expected this to happen, but he couldn’t admit at just how much this hurt.

He looked at Mrs. Pepper, her hand still raised even after slapping him. Mr. Pepper is seething with anger alongside her.

“What. Are you doing?” She glared at him with anger and disgust, a far cry from her usual expression of caring watchfulness.

“I…” Arthur looked down at the gift bag containing Lewis’s present at Mr. Pepper’s feet, “Lewis asked me to—”

“It was you that--!” Mrs. Pepper closed in on him, “You think you can try hurting us again?!”

Something cracked in his heart, “N-No, I-I was just—”

“Why couldn’t it have been you?!”

Arthur wondered that himself. All he could is apologize, even though it meant nothing to-- Something hard hit against the back of his head.

A soft thump is felt near his feet. Looking down, Arthur could see that it was a small stone.

He then looked in the direction it was thrown from and saw Belle glaring at him, holding another stone in her hand. Cayenne is behind her older sister, also glaring at him with a snarl shown with her teeth. She’s holding a box small enough to wrap her fingers around.

But the youngest sister is still missing.

Arthur knew that he has to hold his ground. Even if it’s against Mr. Pepper. Lewis wanted Paprika to have the toy sealed in the package. He didn’t survive long enough to give it to her, so he has to do it for him. If he could just show them the label containing Lewis’s name…

Arthur looked up upon noticing some movement leading upstairs. As feeling of relief entered his being, he started to kneel down to pick up the bag—

The feeling of his neck being strangled startled him before realizing that Mrs. Pepper had dragged him by the collar of his shirt before being thrown against the door. A loud sound went off right next to him, and he saw that it was the other rock Belle had upon hearing her mutter something about missing her target.

“You’re never to approach our children again,” Mr. Pepper said with fury, “You’re never to approach us.”

“I only—"

“Mama? Papa?”

The sound of Paprika’s voice. Without a moment to lose, Arthur grabbed the bag near Mr. Pepper’s feet and held it out to her.

But Paprika only cried.

When Mr. Pepper snatched the bag out of Arthur’s hands and stomped on it, the rest of it was just a blur. He could barely register Mrs. Pepper forcing him out of the Pepper home and onto the concrete entrance, throwing his shoes at him, before only looking up in numbness upon seeing the door slam to his face.

It took a moment for the realization to reach him. All Arthur could do is try his hardest not to cry.

He didn’t know if there was a better way for it to play out.

With a heavy heart full of despair, Arthur slowly got up to put on his shoes and hissed in pain upon feeling something stab his feet. Confused at the sight of some blood on his foot that dripped down onto the concrete, he shook one of his shoes and saw a few shiny little things fall out. He shook out the other shoe and saw the exact same thing.

Flat head tacks.

…Cayenne never went that far.

Knowing that he had failed to fulfill Lewis’s final request. Arthur put on his now tack-free shoes, hoping his socks would stop the bleeding. He slowly gathered the tacks and placed them in a fine pile on a spot on the ground where people are least likely to step on them, before finally leaving the Pepper home.

He knew he wasn’t allowed to see them, but it was to protect that present Lewis had asked him to hold on to, but he couldn’t have ever predicted that his parents would have sought to destroy it like the wraith would.

He won’t disobey the rules for any reason anymore. Not even for Lewis.

Later that night, Arthur returned to the ghostly mansion, the one he had been forced to stay in ever since Vivi fell for it. He knew that he couldn’t do anything else after this before the wraith returned.

Sure enough, the wraith wasn’t happy upon learning what Arthur tried to do. He could tell upon feeling the wraith’s large and strong fingers wrap painfully around his shoulders.

No matter what he did to atone, it just wasn’t enough.

You just don’t know your place, do you?

Arthur doesn't know why he’s even trying to plead with the wraith anymore. It’s useless, yet he still begged the wraith to not burn him in front of them. But who are they? They’re not nearby.

Do I need to remind you of your place… again?

He already knew. He didn’t need a reminder.

You are never to approach my family again.

It hurts… The wraith wouldn’t let go of his right forearm. It always knew that it hurts when roughly grabbed there.

For all I know, you could be biding your time to kill them, too.

“No, I would never do that!”

You think I believe you?

This time, it hurt even more upon feeling something crack.

He isn’t sure which is more painful, the possible fracture in his arm or the realization that he couldn’t convince anyone of anything anymore.

…

It hurt.

It hurt so much.

And Arthur knew he deserved it.

It was his arm that did the killing, after all.

- - - - - - -

Elaine is angry. She shouldn’t be.

“I’m well aware that it was a demon that killed your son and that it had used Arthur to do it.”

“Well, yes, but back then, we—”

“But because the demon had disappeared, you needed to blame something, or someone.”

A long silence.

“Frankly, you disgust me. Knowing Arthur, he wouldn’t ever wish for harm to befall on any of you, let alone on his greatest enemy. If you really were as close to him as you said you were back then, then you never would’ve done that,” a huff of anger, “But you know the phrase, ‘You reap what you sow.’

“After everything he did for you, you thought the best way of paying him back for his kindness was to spit at his face and stomp it down,” Elaine scoffed, “If I was around when that happened, I would’ve immediately had you both charged with assault. Knowing Arthur, though, he would’ve just begged me to let it go, if not for the sake of your daughters.”

She’s right. Arthur would’ve done exactly that if she was with him when that happened. As far as he knew, the girls didn’t have any other family members that were nearby. Even if there were, he doubted that they would be able to remain together if the Peppers ever lost custody of them.

The Knights family can be scary even without the monster hunting business.

All Arthur contributes to the Knights family is repairing cars and raising the children. Everything else was left to Elaine and the rest of her family, and he would rather keep it that way.

“But I can tell that you’ve already suffered the consequences from that little stunt and then some,” Elaine coldly said, and Arthur knew she wasn’t being genuine with that statement, “So what happened after that?”

“After that, Arthur just suddenly left without a word,” Mr. Pepper sighed, “At first, we thought it was good riddance…”

“But I guess you never knew how important something, or someone, is to you until they are permanently gone. You took Arthur for granted more than you had thought.”

Arthur isn’t sure how to feel about this. He knew that there are people who impulsively make decisions while deep in emotions, but he also knew that the Peppers never regret their actions. They never regretted opening the restaurant operating in the family name, or having three daughters, or taking in an older child with an unknown background as their son. Throwing him away was no exception.

“You’re right. We did take him for granted.”

What?

“After Arthur left, things just went straight to hell.”

Now Arthur is getting more confused. Didn’t Grandma Yukino say something similar? He never really thought too deeply about what happened in Tempo after he had left seventeen years ago. Mr. Yukino also said something about things not being the same ever since Arthur left, but that’s typical of anyone leaving. …Right?

It’s going against everything Arthur has convinced himself of knowing.

“You’re not the first person that has said something very similar. I can’t imagine just how upset Mr. Kingsmen was when he found out that you essentially exiled his nephew out of this town,” Elaine said, “I bet it was even more inconvenient for you, Mr. Pepper, since Arthur is the one to go to for prosthetic limbs. I’m going to bet that your arm was lost as a consequence of this whole fiasco.”

Arthur winced. A sigh is heard.

“You’re absolutely right, Mrs. Knights.”

…

Did Arthur hear Mr. Pepper right?

“Really,” Elaine didn’t sound convinced, and quickly changed the subject, “Before we delve further into that, there is one more matter that needs to be discussed. Your daughter, Cayenne.”

“What,” Mrs. Pepper sounds nervous, “What about her?”

“I fail to see what the loss of her son last month has anything to do with Arthur. After all, you know as well as I do that we were nowhere near you at that time. While I’m sorry that it happened, I am not going to let you blame my husband for your grandson’s passing, nor your daughter’s mental illness that most likely came as a result of it.”

“No! No! You’re misunderstanding, Mrs. Knights!” Mr. Pepper sounded like he was pleading, “We know it was just unfortunate and that there’s no one to blame. It just… happened. We just…” A hitching sigh, “We just want to apologize. To apologize and hope that we can end all this. It’s our fault that we drove him away. It’s our fault that everything has gone so wrong.”

…

Is that what they really think? Arthur narrowed his eyes.

He texted Elaine.

They’re wrong.

The buzz of Elaine’s phone reached Arthur’s ears. He saw on his phone that Elaine had read it.

“What…?”

If it was just that, I would grin and bear it. It’s what I deserved. There is nothing to end.

There was a brief silence. Instead of hearing Elaine ask or text back, he heard the familiar ringtone of her phone.

“Yes? Nana Niniane?” A brief silence, “Yes, we are. I’m with Mr. and Mrs. Pepper. …What? Nana Niniane, you know Arthur isn’t going to like this.”

Another silence.

“…Yeah. Okay. Okay, we’ll do that. I’ll let him know. Just make sure there aren’t any fights by the time we get there.”

Elaine sighed as she hung up.

“All right. I just got a call from my family, and it’s been decided that we’re going to properly discuss this with all the involved parties. No more miscommunications, and no more… funny little stunts.”

“Stunts?”

“We’re heading to Kingsmen Mechanics. You are to meet us there in one hour and we will not take no for an answer.”

Arthur shivered. He wants to run away, but he has no way to take the kids with him. Vivian will follow him without question, but Gwen and Percy are old enough to know something is up. A part of him is wondering why he is even trying to even consider doing such an unthinkable thing.

What is Niniane up to? What did she do? What did she learn?

What does she know?

Something is close to snapping in Arthur’s mind, and he knows it. Gritting his teeth, Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose harder and harder.

Keep it together. Keep it together. Keep it together. Keep it—

A hand brushed against his.

“My knight.”

Arthur looked up to Elaine standing next to the booth he is in. He held onto her hand like a lifeline.

It seems Elaine had waited for Mr. and Mrs. Pepper to leave first in order to either prevent them from seeing Arthur, or to keep them from trying to apologize without context on her end. It was then that he knew that Elaine is starting to realize the misunderstanding.

And from what he had gathered, it looks like those he knew in Tempo have also reached a misunderstanding of their own.

Later, they both got inside Lance’s spare car with Elaine in the driver’s seat.

“Arthur.”

He huddled closer to himself. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Elaine.

“I need you to talk to me.”

He opened his mouth, but a heavy weight in his throat kept him from speaking. He couldn’t do anything but tremble.

“In that case, I just need you to nod or shake your head.”

Nod or shake. He could do that. He can try.

“Yukino-san said that it was her son and the Pepper family that drove you away from here. Is that true?”

It’s easy to see how they could be a contributing factor. Regardless, Arthur shook his head without looking at Elaine. He didn’t know what to do if he saw her look disappointed.

“Did you run away from here because you couldn’t handle your abuser anymore?”

Arthur remained still, for he didn’t know what to tell her. If he answered one way, it would be a lie; but if he answered the other way, Elaine would think that he is lying. In the end, he had to be truthful and slowly shook his head.

When Elaine didn’t respond, Arthur risked looking over to her, and saw something that broke his heart.

Why are there tears on Elaine’s face? Why is she crying?

He didn’t know why Elaine decided to embrace him, he just couldn’t understand it. He never lied to her, but he never told her everything that had happened to him in Tempo, either. To him, it didn’t matter why he left. He couldn’t control what the people he knew in Tempo had thought. They wanted him gone, and his reason for leaving just happened to fit into their desires.

“Arthur. I need you to tell me. Please.”

He nuzzled further into her shoulder.

“What was it that had hurt you so much more than the abuse you had gone through?”

Arthur didn’t want to say it. It may seem insignificant, but he knew Elaine would disagree.

“Elaine, I… I couldn’t,” he finally muttered.

She waited for him to continue.

He slowly pulled himself out of her hold and held her hands, “I just couldn’t.”

“You couldn’t what?” Elaine asked.

“I couldn’t stay,” Arthur finally looked her in the eye, “I knew that I would have to tell you eventually, but... The real reason I left Tempo is because I... I couldn't let them have it. I couldn’t let them have the only thing I had left,” he looked down at Elaine’s hands and held them tighter, “I just couldn’t.”

“Have what?”

He placed a hand over the moon pin on his vest and looked away. He couldn't tell her in front of the kids, or anyone really. His heart and soul could only take so much pain.

How does he put this in a way that won't make him break down?

Taking a shaky breath, he reached out to her and touched the old and worn star pin on her jacket, the one that he had given her so long ago.

“I don’t understand what you’re saying,” Elaine said, “What do you mean?”

How else can he get her to understand? He didn’t want to say it out loud. It would break his heart even more if he did.

“I love you,” Arthur’s breath hitched as tears began to shed, “You know that, right?”

Please. Please, understand.

Despite everything going on in the madness and despair, the love of his light and family are all he has now. As long as he has that…

Elaine smiled sadly, slowly wiping away Arthur’s tears with her thumbs until he could calm down.

“It will be okay, my star. It will be okay. I promise.”

For all he knows, this might be the last time he’ll be able to feel her warmth.

- - - - - - -

Arthur really didn’t want to be here. He didn’t like the looks he was getting, especially since he has Vivian in his arms while sitting down on a chair with Elaine and the twins beside him remaining on guard.

Lance had closed down Kingsmen Mechanics for the evening. To Arthur, this meant that he had no opportunities to escape. In the lobby of the repair shop with him were three separate parties. Parties he’d rather not be a part of because of the rules.

Lance and Belle are behind the desk exchanging nervous glances between each other under Morgan’s watchful eye. Whatever Elaine’s aunt had done to scold them, Arthur knew not to question it. Mr. and Mrs. Pepper are sitting on some chairs used by customers that wait for their cars to be repaired.

Arthur took a moment to properly look at Mr. and Mrs. Pepper. Although he had seen it earlier today, he can confirm that Mr. Pepper is indeed missing his right arm. He couldn’t tell if it had been severed just below the shoulder or right at the socket, but in the end it’s irrelevant. He briefly wondered how such an injury could happen, but again, it’s not important for him to know.

The injuries Mrs. Pepper has on the other hand, Arthur isn’t sure if she has it just as bad if not worse compared to her husband’s. Instead of missing any major limbs, Mrs. Pepper has severe burn scars around her face and down her neck. Her right eye looks like it had been melted shut, so it stands to reason that she’s blind in that eye, too. More disturbingly, she also has some burn scars over her hands as well. Was she thrown into a fire or something?

Upon seeing Mr. Pepper make eye contact with him, Arthur quickly turns away, giving Vivian some attention before looking over at his uncle and Belle. Belle looks as healthy as a typical person in their twenties would be, and while Lance has started to show some signs of old age here and there, nothing about him has really changed much.

“We’re waiting for Nana Niniane to arrive,” Morgan broke the silence, “Before anyone says anything, I’m going to make this clear.��

She glared at Lance and the Peppers.

“I don’t know what you did and frankly, I don’t really care. But when Nana Niniane wants answers, she will get answers. So all of you better answer honestly, because trust me, she’s much worse than I am.”

They all nervously glanced at each other. Arthur isn’t really sure how to feel about their reaction. At the same time, though, he knew about Morgan’s talent in using her words instead of physical violence to get the results she wants. Hopefully, her presence will make the Pepper family a little more cooperative. The last thing he wants is for a rock to be thrown at him right now, because he didn’t want any of the stones to hurt Vivian.

Vivian tugged at the collar of Arthur’s vest, and he nuzzled his cheek against her head in response.

“Um…”

Arthur immediately turned to the Peppers and grimaced in disgust. He didn’t like the way they were looking at him or his children. Vivian didn’t seem to care as she just remained focused on him.

“Is,” Mr. Pepper started to speak, then quickly turned to Elaine, “Is she also your daughter? She’s really cute.”

An attempted save. Arthur thought. He isn’t sure whether to commend Mr. Pepper for that or not.

Gwen and Percy looked at each other with uncertainty in their eyes.

“Her name is Vivian. And yes, she is our youngest daughter,” Elaine said as she placed a hand on Arthur’s shoulder, “In case you’re curious, she’s three. And the twins, Gwen and Percy, are fourteen. But we’re not here to talk about that, are we?”

Arthur looked down to see Vivian staring at Elaine strangely. He figured it was probably because she isn’t used to seeing her mother look or talk so strictly and decided to distract her by whispering to her ear that he loves her. Vivian giggled and hugged him.

“Love you, too, Daddy,” she whispered back, only audible enough for him to hear.

Right as Elaine knelt down to give Vivian some affection, the sound of a bell alerting employees of customers made everyone look to see who came.

Arthur felt chills run down into his spine.

Out of the corner of his eye, Arthur could see Vivian’s hair bristle at the sight of Vivi and Mystery coming in, with Gwen and Percy at the ready. He couldn’t blame them, especially once he knew that the Mystery Skulls had in fact tried to kill his children as “monsters.” What’s also worrying is that the section of Vivian’s hair that had been cut off by Vivi hasn’t even grown back yet.

The reaction upon seeing Arthur with the children is instantaneous. Vivi looked upset while Mystery’s fur bristled like a scared animal would. Arthur followed their gaze to see that it’s Percy they’re staring a--

“Wait, Vivian!”

At and Percy’s shouts, Vivi and Mystery barely had time to react before dodging Vivian’s hair spearing at their feet with a loud crack. Growling, Mystery started to move forward before suddenly being yanked back by the collar as a light blue aura surrounded Vivi and most of Vivian’s hair, which then got uprooted from the floor.

“Don’t even think about it, mutt.”

Arthur, as he held Vivian closer to himself with Elaine holding an arm in front of them protectively, could only feel relieved upon seeing Niniane with one hand surrounded by magic, then felt confusion when he noticed her holding up a colored rope of some sort with her other hand. Tracing the rope led him to seeing that it’s roped around Mystery’s neck like a leash, which led to a rather unnerving sight of the kitsune turned dog being strangled with little breathing room.

“I thought I told you that you are not to attack my family. Let alone approach them without our explicit permission,” Niniane said in a calm tone, but everyone could tell that she is furious.

“But she started it!” Mystery protested, which turned out to be a mistake as Niniane lifted the rope to bring him closer to her face, causing him to gag.

Is she trying to hang him on purpose? Arthur quietly turned Vivian’s head away from the scene while feeling very unnerved. If not for the fact that he knew what Mystery actually is, he would have immediately considered Niniane’s actions to be animal abuse. Vivi looked like she wanted to help, but judging from her fearful look at Niniane, she had to reconsider.

“And I have told you that I will handle my family and that you and Yukino are not to lay a single finger, or paw, on them,” Niniane then roughly let Mystery back down on the floor, giving him some much needed breath, “I will let this slide just this once, but do it again and I will not hesitate to stay true to my word,” she tapped her foot once to emphasize, “I’m sure the both of you know very well on what I mean.”

The two cracks left on the floor from Vivian’s hair spearing it could very well make whatever potential consequences Niniane has planned for them be sunshine and daisies in comparison.

Niniane then approached Arthur and smiled affectionately at Vivian, “Sorry about that, my sweet moppet. I can see that you were just being a good little girl wanting to protect her daddy. I ask that you do not do anything to them unless your mommy says so, for I will make sure that the bad girl and her mutt behave,” she gently tapped Vivian on the nose, “Could you do that for me? Pretty please?”

Vivian looked up at Arthur, as if wanting to ask if she really has to. “Bad girl,” she said in a voice that showed how scared she really is, pointing at Vivi, who briefly looked offended before switching to a neutral expression in response to Niniane and Elaine’s glare.

Although he has his doubts, Arthur nodded and stroked at her hair, “It’s okay, Vivian. Nana is here, Auntie Morgan is here, Mama is here, and Daddy is here. It’s okay. They won’t hurt you anymore.”

Fortunately, it was enough to convince Vivian as she let her hair return to its normal state. Arthur could hear the twins sign in relief.

“I do apologize for the damage on your floor, Mr. Kingsmen,” Niniane said as she released her magic, “But worry not. I will repair it once we adjourn this meeting. I believe you have seen enough ‘paranormal activity’ for today, have you not?”

“Right…”

Arthur is thankful that Lance and the Peppers wisely decided to keep quiet during the whole ordeal. Come to think of it, do the Peppers know what the Knights family can do? They probably do since they didn’t react as loudly as Lance did. He figured his uncle had filled them in somewhat.

“But before we do that, there’s one more thing that needs to be addressed,” Niniane gave Vivi a nod.

Vivi shifted her gaze to Arthur and Vivian briefly before turning to the exit and opened the door. She made a gesture as if inviting someone, then stepped back to allow a young boy in blue to enter the shop. Arthur recognized him immediately.

“This is my son, Jason,” Vivi has her hands on the boy’s shoulders, “My parents had to take grandma for a doctor’s appointment, so I had to bring him with me.”

“Arthur, with your permission, will it be all right if we leave the boy with Gwen and Percy?” Niniane asked, “I found that Nobuhiro Yukino wasn’t lying about his grandson’s interest in robotics. I have no issues with this since this situation surrounds your generation and not the children’s, but if you do, then I will send him and his mother away for another time. We probably don’t need her for this discussion, after all, just the mutt. It’s your choice.”

Jason kept his gaze down to his feet, not looking at anyone in the eye.

Arthur didn’t know what to do. If it were any other circumstance, he would have allowed it in a heartbeat, since Gwen and Percy would occasionally talk about trying to find like-minded people with an interest in robotics. But because Jason is Vivi’s son, he is a part of the Yukino family, and Arthur isn’t allowed to be near them according to the rules. If the wraith were to find out about the children…

But his whole family is here. Niniane is here, and she has demonstrated very well in that she could keep the Mystery Skulls from trying anything funny. Jason’s just a kid, and if by some chance that he has that strange ice magic like his mother does, then Gwen and Percy can handle him with no issue.

“That… would be fine,” he relented before turning to the twins, “I think you left one of your projects in Lance’s living room. Just stay in there until this is over.”

“What about Vivian?” Gwen asked.

“She’ll stay with us until she calms down a little more,” Elaine said, “And then we’ll bring her to you.”

Seeing Gwen and Percy nod in agreement is a relief. They took a moment to introduce themselves to Jason, which made the boy perk up a little. They seemed to be getting along, but Arthur didn’t get a chance to see any more after they left the lobby through the door leading to Lance’s home.

A minute passed in total silence.

“Now then, I think it’s time we finally have a proper conversation,” Niniane is the first to cut to the chase, her eyes narrowed down at Mystery briefly before showing a look of disgusted disappointment, “I believe we know why we’re here?”

“To apologize,” Mr. Pepper said, “We wanted—”

“Wrong. We’re here for answers, for there seems to be a major…” Niniane gave the leash a quick tug, making Mystery briefly struggle for breath, “Misunderstanding.”

Why does it matter? Regardless of the reason, Arthur knew he had to leave. It’s what they wanted. Still, it was wise for the Gwen and Percy to be out of sight and out of hearing range. He isn’t sure about having Vivian with him still, but if he just left her with her siblings, she would just teleport or run her way back to him whenever she felt like it.

So he just has to stay calm. Stay calm… for Vivian’s sake.

“Seeing that Arthur is in no condition to actually tell us why he left this drab town, I think it would be most adequate if we simply discuss what we have learned,” Niniane said as she twirled the rope that is Mystery’s leash around her fingers, “I shall start since my investigation has given me some rather… inconsistent answers.”

Stay calm… for her sake.

Niniane spoke about how it all started seventeen years ago. Where Arthur was maimed and traumatized, where Lewis died, and Vivi lost her memory of the former. How Arthur searched and searched for Lewis, not knowing he was dead. How Vivi and Mystery had followed him to help with the search, how they soon came across a haunted mansion.

Stay calm… for her sake…!

How the wraith had attacked them to how the Mystery Skulls barely escaped with their lives, to being attacked by the wraith and run off the road. So many events that Arthur did not want to recall among the loud sounds of a shotgun, Vivi’s screams, and Mystery’s growls. He didn’t want to deal with that part of the past. It had hurt so much.

“…even when it was spelled out to you that Arthur was unwillingly possessed by a demon, you never forgave him for his unwilling role in your son’s death,” Niniane said as she looked at Mr. and Mrs. Pepper with a mix of disappointment and disgust, “Did you?”

Mr. and Mrs. Pepper look guilty, and Arthur couldn’t understand why. No matter how many apologies he made, they have every right to not forgive him.

“I hope you realize that you’re not very knowledgeable if you seriously think that just anyone could resist a possession of that caliber,” Niniane sighed, “After all, if Arthur had, your son would probably still be alive. Keyword being ‘probably,’ because that demon could have easily taken control of either your son or Yukino, and there’s no telling whether either of them would have fared any better, if not worse.”

“I know that now. More than anyone here,” Mr. Pepper said as he used his only hand to grip at his right shoulder, “I lost this arm pretty much the same way, after all.”

Arthur felt cold, his face turned white as he took in Mr. Pepper’s words. If he lost his arm the same way he has, then… He narrowed his gaze at Mystery in disgust, who took a step back with his tail between his legs.

“That must have been dreadful,” Niniane said, her tone showing that she has no sympathy for Mr. Pepper’s condition, “Moving on, I have also found that this town has been cursed roughly a week or so after Arthur left, and that it has affected the entire population of Tempo,” she turned to Vivi, “Perhaps you would be willing to elaborate on what this curse does in detail?”

Vivi looked down at her feet and fiddled with her skirt, “It… It’s a nightmare.”

“Meaning?” Morgan furrowed her brow.

Arthur didn’t like where this was going.

Vivi gave them a wry smile, “I’m sure you’ve read about this town’s unusually high suicide rate?”

“That we did,” Morgan piped up as she looked at something on her phone, “Although it doesn’t explain why, it says here that for approximately the past sixteen years, there has been an increase in suicides by eightfold. It’s says on average that there would be a death toll of around forty every year, which is rather high for a town of less than two thousand people.”

“That’s an understatement, Aunt Morgan,” Elaine said with unease, “If we take simple math into account, then that means over six hundred people have ended their own lives from back then to now. But what does all that have to do with Arthur? He wasn’t here when all those people died.”

“That’s true, but the nightmares never cease to remind us.”

When everyone looked at Mystery, the kitsune disguised as a dog continued.

“Almost every night, we have nightmares of the… punishments Arthur went through.”

“Through his eyes,” Vivi continued, shivering “As if we were the ones receiving it. I-I never thought that it would hurt so much…”

“At first, we didn’t think much of it, since we thought we were the only ones that were cursed, but then we were confronted by some of the townspeople,” Mystery turned away in shame, “They lost some of their loved ones by the time they came to us.”

“So the curse that is plaguing Tempo are supernaturally-induced nightmares, which not only affect you but the townspeople as well,” Niniane hummed, “Unless Arthur is the one that deliberately left such a curse, I’d imagine it came from a separate source.”

“I know for a fact that it wasn’t me,” Arthur spoke, upset that Niniane would even suggest such a conclusion, even though he knows she doesn’t believe it, “All I cared about was leaving this place. Anyone here could do whatever they wanted for all I care so long as I wasn’t a part of it.”

He felt a tug on his vest and looked down at Vivian. He held her closer to himself to assure both her (and himself) that it’s okay.

He hopes so.

The thought of being responsible for more than Lewis’s death would be too much to bear.

“I suppose you have an idea on what caused this curse in the first place,” Niniane said, “Especially since some of you have mentioned at least once that Arthur is needed to end the nightmare.”

“We believe he’s the key to breaking it,” Mystery said, “Since it was the demon that ruined everything that caused it.”

There was a long silence.

“You mean to tell me that the demon that took your arm was never exorcised?” Elaine asked in disbelief before looking at Arthur, “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“I… I never knew,” Arthur muttered as he looked down, “All I knew was that it was gone. I actually thought that they took care of it after I left.”

“It escaped before we could properly destroy it,” Vivi sighed, “That’s also the reason why we’ve been going around exterminating monsters. We were trying to find the demon that caused all this and hopefully break the curse, but we never could.”

“And nearly killed our children in the process,” Elaine grumbled to herself, which Arthur is pretty sure everyone could hear.

“When did this demon escape?” Niniane asked before her face shifted into an expression Arthur couldn’t identify, “Or more accurately, when and how did you first encounter it after Arthur left?”

The look of guilt that spread across Vivi and the Peppers is… telling. Lance also looked angry, as if recalling an unpleasant memory, which he probably is. Arthur didn’t know how to feel about that fact.

“It all started when I got a phone call from Lance,” Vivi rubbed her arm, as if to distract herself, “He asked me if I heard from Arthur and when he would be back from his solo vacation. Back then, I had no idea what he was talking about. That’s when we realized that Arthur went missing. Lance called the police to see if they could find him, and while they were on their search, Lance visited our home to see if we could find any clues in Arthur’s room.”

“That’s how I found the medical supplies and some used bandages,” Lance grumbled, “And when I realized that Arthur ran off to escape from domestic abuse.”

“I didn’t know he was being abused by Lewis! I swear to it!” Vivi insisted despite Niniane’s glare, “As soon as I learned of it, I immediately tried to fix things!”

Arthur gritted his teeth. Even now, Vivi still clings to her delusions.

“And what about you, mutt?” Niniane gave a tug on the leash, “I would imagine that through your role as a family pet of sorts, you would have a whiff of what was going on.”

“Arthur is very good at hiding his problems,” Mystery said, “And even then, I was more focused on caring for Vivi, for I am bound to her family. I know this does not excuse myself for my ignorance, and I doubt you will accept any apologies from me now, if ever.”

Arthur knew very well that the Knights family won’t accept it. For some reason, neither will he. Unlike everyone else in the room, Arthur has no intention to delve further into it. What’s in the past should stay in the past.

“Mmh…”

Arthur looked down at Vivian and saw that she is nodding off. He figures that’s a good thing, since he is beginning to think that it may be for the best that she isn’t around for this conversation.

He didn’t want to be here. He has to get away.

“I need to put her to bed,” he said as he stood up, all eyes trained on him, “I’ll… be back shortly.”

“I’ll go with you,” Elaine gave him an understanding smile.

Niniane and Morgan nodded, and Arthur left with Elaine behind him.

…

“It’s hard for you, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Arthur nodded as he tucked Vivian into the bed that is in his old bedroom, “I-I know I haven’t told you and your family everything, and I’m sorry. But I just couldn’t, I couldn’t say anything. Even I don’t understand why anymore. All I wanted was just to let go and move on.”

“Arthur…”

“I-I don’t even know what’s wrong with me anymore,” he shook his head, “All this time, I’ve accepted that the Peppers had every right to be angry at me, that I deserved their hatred. I even accepted the blame from Vivi’s parents for being the cause of her amnesia. I mean, as far as I know, her memory is already back, but—I just don’t understand. Just… Why? Why are they always apologizing ever since we came here?”

The two left the bedroom.

“My knight,” Elaine cupped a hand around Arthur’s cheek, “Let me ask you this, then. After their apologies, can you tell me that you still blame yourself even now?”

“It doesn’t matter about who apologizes, Elaine,” he said as he held Elaine’s hand, “It doesn’t change the fact that, in a sense, I still killed Lewis. The Peppers had their family torn apart because of me. I even tried to turn myself in to the police, but I’d get held back every time. And just now we’ve learned that my leaving may have caused so many people unrelated to me, to everyone I knew here, to die from a curse that demon made. How can I not blame myself?”

Elaine smiled sadly, “Did you want Lewis dead at any point? Or any of this to happen?”

“No!” Arthur forced himself to keep his volume to a minimum in order to not wake Vivian, “I never wanted any of this to happen! All I wanted was to leave. They… they were already happy even without me.”

“You should tell the others that when we get back to them. Remember, I’m here for you, and Aunt Morgan and Nana Niniane are here for you. The kids are here for you, too. Know that you’re not alone. Not anymore ever since the day we got married, ever since you became a part of my family.”

Arthur gave a breath that mixed from a single laugh and a sob, “I know.”

“Whether or not you may have caused this town’s curse is irrelevant. What is relevant is that you left this place for one reason or another, it was something someone here did, and you had to get away from the pain,” Elaine pulled him closer, “No matter what anyone says, none of this is your fault. I know it.”

She kissed him in the lips and held him close. The two stayed like that for a moment before Arthur broke away from the contact.

“We should check on the kids before we go back,” Arthur said, “I don’t think Vivi’s son will do anything, but I… I just want to make sure they’re safe.”

“Of course.”

Soon, Arthur and Elaine were about to approach the living room, but something seems strange. Why does it feel oddly cold yet hot? It feels familiar, but it can’t be. The last time Arthur ever felt this is when-- Arthur made the sudden decision to rush for the twins. If Vivi’s son did something that could harm them—

“We never knew Dad like that. Sure, he does get scared sometimes, but he was never scared of us, even after that time back when I was seven.”

Arthur stopped. Is Percy talking to Jason? Back when Percy was seven? It took a moment before realizing that his son is talking about the time his power first awakened before losing control, and how Arthur himself nearly died because of it.

“I’m sure it’s because the three of you are his children,” a good-natured chuckle rumbled, “And from what you told me, your father is still a forgiving person even now. I just don’t think…”

It’s strange… that voice is familiar. The somewhat soft-spoken and low baritone voice that’s enough to put anyone at ease when someone new speaks to him for the first time…!

“Is someone else here?” Elaine whispered, “It feels like a ghost, but it’s not malicious. At least, I don’t think it is.”

Elaine can sense ghosts.

…No.

“Arthur?!”

His heart pounding, Arthur immediately went into the living room as Elaine called out to him. The three children were startled upon seeing him, and Arthur immediately spotted Gwen reading what looks like a comic book of sorts with Jason, the boy hiding behind her. Immediately after he sees Percy.

Something cracked.

“Daddy…?” Gwen looked scared. She should be.

Something snapped.

“Dad?” Percy is slow to speak, “W-What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Percy is holding something in his hands. Blue. Heart-shaped.

Pulsing.

The three children didn’t concern him. It’s what’s behind them.

Arthur opened his mouth.

A gurgle.

Something broke.

“Arthur…?!”

The wraith is among them.

The wraith has its hand on Percy…!

The wraith moved.

His left arm raised.

Before he could take a step, Arthur’s mind went blank as red spilled.

- - - - - - -

...Told ya.

I’m worried about the future, future!

Ain’t fucking with that past shit, baby!

I’m worried about the future, future, future, future…!

Part 19: Thought I Told Ya...!

#mystery skulls animated #msa fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #msa arthur #arthur kingsmen #msa #msa knights #elaine knights #gwen knights #percy knights #vivian knights #morgan knights #niniane knights #...?

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