#‘i cant believe you got sick’ and ‘none of us better catch it’

[satoruvt]

know i’ll keep it forever

pairing → kim mingyu x reader

word count → 770

genre → fluff. just complete fluff ↳ tags: established relationship, Self Indulgent (tm), mingyu is annoying and my favorite person, cold medicine </3, mingyu being a housewife really, mentions of soup., mc is sick and mingyu is Done, crying i wish this was me rn, a single kiss, cute teasing and banter i think, anniversary shenanigans sick ver

song inspo → emerald by rini <3

warnings → none i think!!!

a/n → guys. this is actually the most self indulgent work ive ever written because its my 1 year with svt and im SICK. anyways i figured i cant do a fic for every member LOL so i decided to do mingyu because he was my very first bias in svt!!!! 1 year is a long time for me hehe so i hope this feels as special to you as it does to me... thank you for reading on such a special day <3

It takes more effort than you thought it would to swallow down the medicine (cherry flavored cold medicine because it was all the store had in stock), and you let out a weak cough when you finish, shivering at what little you could taste of it. Mingyu sighs, taking the the little plastic cup from your hand.

“Stop being dramatic,” he tells you, and you gawk at him like he’s insane.

“Dramatic?” You repeat, motioning to your sick self covered in blankets and surrounded by tissues. “I’m dying!”

Mingyu rolls his eyes but both of you are smiling. In all honesty, this isn’t the worst cold you’ve ever had - more annoying than anything else. You take a generous sip of the water Mingyu’s offered you, hoping it’ll wash away the lingering taste of alcohol and fake cherry. “I can’t believe you got sick on our anniversary,” he says as you swallow. It’s not teasing like before, more like disappointed awe. Neither of you expected your own health to get in the way of things.

You place the glass back on the bedside table, your hand moving to rest on the side of Mingyu’s face. He leans into it. “I’m sorry,” you tell him, feeling guilty. “I know you had a lot planned.”

He shakes his head, hand resting on top of yours. “It’s not your fault. Maybe we needed a night in, anyways. A sign from the gods.”

You giggle but it dissolves into a few coughs, and Mingyu looks at you with puppy dog eyes that make you want to get better immediately. But even at your most resilient, it takes a few days to get back to full health, and you know you’ll be bedridden for a while. 

“You’re gonna catch whatever I have if you stay here any longer,” you tell him, moving your hand away from him. Your fever gives you cold chills and all you want is to cuddle up next to him (he’s basically a human heater anyways) but you hold yourself back, not wanting him to share your pain. “You should stay at the dorms tonight.”

“What happened to dying?”

“I’ll die alone if it means you’re safe.”

Mingyu pushes your shoulder with so little force you barely move at all, but you groan out loud like you were punched with all of his weight behind it. “I’m sick and dying,” you wail, writing under your blankets, “and this is what you do to me.”

“Sorry, baby,” Mingyu says, adjusting himself so he stops your wriggling. “Want me to kiss it better?”

You already know where he’s going with this. “Kim Mingyu,” you warn, watching his face come closer. “You will not.”

“Who’s gonna stop me?” He asks, grinning ear to ear. He only gets closer, blankets ruffling under the shift of his weight towards you. “You’re too weak.”

“If you get sick, I’m gonna have to take care of you,” you tell him like it’s a threat. You don’t try to stop him, still. “You’re more dramatic than me, and I’m gonna have to baby you for a week.”

Mingyu shrugs, not bothering to hide his amusement. “I’ll look forward to it.”

And then he kisses you square on the lips, kind and sweet just as usual. He’s warm and your sick brain convinces you that he’s already crossed the line, there’s no use in holding back now, so you melt into him and kiss him back, hoping the medicine taste still doesn’t linger on your lips.

It’s a quick kiss, ending soon after it starts. You flick Mingyu on the forehead and he immediately recoils, whining. “You are unbelievable.”

“Think of it as an anniversary present,” he says, cheeky. You wouldn’t be able to hide the grin on your face even if you wanted to. “It goes along well with the soup I’m about to cook for you.”

“Really,” you hum, watching him clean up a few cough drop wrappers and rogue tissues. You’ve always been aware of it, but you really are lucky.

(Sometimes you think it’s not luck, but fate.)

“Hey,” you call right before Mingyu leaves the bedroom. He turns around to look at you, cute and confused pout on his lips. “You know I love you, right?”

You swear he shines brighter than the sun whenever you tell him. “I know,” he affirms, like he still can’t believe it (like he’s the one who needs to be in disbelief). “I love you too.”

Sleep catches you in a haze of what you can smell of Mingyu’s cologne mixed with the sound of him already starting to sniffle.

#caratwritersclub #kdiner #kpopscape #ficscafe #sick on my very own svt day that is so wrong </3 #seventeen x reader #seventeen imagine #svt x reader #svt imagine #seventeen mingyu x reader #seventeen mingyu imagine #svt mingyu x reader #svt mingyu imagine #kim mingyu x reader #kim mingyu imagine #kpop x reader #kpop imagine #x reader #reader insert

[julesclues]

fake dating

“hallelujah, my ass” // chapter 2

warnings: mentions of sex

pairings: jj maybank x reader

word count: 2.16k

you had always loved eating dinner with your family. the talks, the laughter, and lets not forget the food. but today? today, you hated it. today, skipping dinner didn’t seem so bad. why?

because jj maybank was here too.

“so jj,” your dad starts, making your palms sweaty. you and your father were never close. he was really mean to you, and only you. to others, he would pretend like he was the greatest father in the world. but alone, he was the complete opposite. “i heard you’re dating my daughter. what are your intentions? are you just trying to get into her pants?” choking on your food, you look at jj to see his face a little red. “dad! what’s wrong with you?” you speak up, causing your dad to fling his hands in the air. “i’m just asking! he was always so mean to you, y/n. you would come home crying an–“

“i love your daughter sir.” your head snaps in jj’s direction after hearing him cut your father off. “i know i was mean to her in the past, and i will never forgive myself for that. honestly, i’m surprised she even gave me a chance. i can’t change the past, but i know i can change the future. and i know i want y/n in my future. i want her there. it would mean everything to me if you approved of us. but with all due respect sir, even if you didn’t, that wouldn’t keep me away from y/n.” jj looks at you and smiles softly, but you look down at your food, playing with it using your fork.

you couldn’t believe what jj just said. sure, all of it was fake but you couldn’t help but feel butterflies. you felt your heart skip a beat as your dad stayed quiet. he was never quiet.

“if you’d like me to go i can ju–“ you cut jj off as he tries to get up. “you’re staying,” you whisper to him, grabbing his wrist. “no jj, stay please!” your mom exclaims, taking a sip of her drink. “i can tell you love my daughter, so i am definitely in favor of this relationship!” she squeals, hitting your father in his arm. “and i need to have a talk with you.” your little sister laughs and taps your arm, causing both you and jj to look at her. “go upstairs, they won’t notice. i’ll just say you got sick or something.” you move your hand to the top of her head and kiss her. “thanks sis.” you grab jj’s hand in anger and run upstairs with him. closing the door, you turn to him.

“hallelujah,” he sighs. “i really saved our asses back there, huh?” you punch him in the chest but considering he was much stronger than you, he only grunted quietly. “hallelujah, my ass!” you yell. “what was that? this is supposed to be fake! there’s no way you’re that good at improvising!” jj scoffs, sitting on your bed and running his hands through his blonde locks. “don’t be so self centered y/n! of course it was fake. i was just sucking up to your parents to make them think i was in love with you!” you sigh with frustration and look away. for some strange reason, you felt a little hurt. sure, you hated the maybank boy with a passion, but hearing him say all of that was fake.. hurt.

“whatever,” you mumble, pacing back and forth. “you need to sleep over,” you say, making him smirk. “shut up!” you say, throwing a pillow at him. he catches it, and throws it back at you, hitting you in the stomach. “i didn’t say anything!” he protests. “you were about to!” you yell back. “would you shut up?” he stands up, walking closer to you. “make me maybank!”

with the arguing and heavy breathing, you didn’t realize how close jj actually was. you take a step back, recollecting yourself. “can you just sleepover please?” you mumble, not wanting to fight with him right now. “fine,” he huffs. “but i get the bed.” you turn your head towards him and run your tongue along your upper teeth. “no fucking way.” you clench your jaw as he starts to prepare the bed for himself. “i said no jj!” he stops what he’s doing and turns towards you. “you always have to be difficult, don’t you?”

“listen to me you little shit,” you start, putting your pointer finger on his chest. “i know you’re helping me, and i thank you for that, but i am paying you $100 maybank. so just shut up, listen to me, and make your bed on the floor because there is no way we are sleeping together, and i am not about to sleep on my bedroom floor.”

jj looks at you intensely before grabbing pillows again and propping them on the floor. “i’m only letting you talk to me like that because it was hot,” he says nonchalantly. “shut your mouth,” you reply, walking over to your drawer to get pjs. “here,” you say, throwing sweatpants at him. “why do you have men’s sweatpants?” he questions, but you walk into the bathroom. before closing the door, you reply with, “it’s none of your business, asshole.”

fifteen minutes later, both you and jj were laying down in your assigned spots. you on the bed, him on the floor. scrolling through your phone, you cant help but keep thinking about what jj said during dinner. you had no feelings towards the maybank boy, but for some reason, your mind kept drifting to his sweet words. for you, this is going to be harder than you thought.

jj speaks up, bringing you back to reality. “aren’t we supposed to know everything about each other?” you put down your phone, now the only light in your room being the moon shining through the window. “what are you talking about?” you say, but it comes out in a whisper. “you know, like how boyfriend and girlfriends know each other’s favorite color, or food. that stuff.” you chuckle slightly, and so does jj. “oh and what’s the deal with you and your dad?” jj asks, and your smile drops.

“oh i’m not– i’m not going to get into that with you jj,” you say softly, and he sighs. “but i–“

“i said no jj. goodnight.” mad, you roll on your side, your back facing where jj is laying. you didn’t like talking to anyone about you and your dad’s relationship. your dad was a mean guy to you, but no one knew it. he put on this facade in front of others, so when you used to try to tell people the truth, they would call you a liar or an attention seeker. so now, you refrain from ever talking about it.

it was quiet for a couple minutes. hearing jj shuffle and move, you roll back on your back. “green.” he says out of nowhere. “what?” you ask after a couple seconds. “my favorite color is green because it reminds me of frogs, which are my favorite animal.” you smile to yourself as he continues. “i love the clouds.. um..” he pauses, thinking of more to say. “as much as i drink beer, my favorite drink is actually hot chocolate. um.. i– uh..” he stutters, not knowing what else to say. “oh, i have a birth mark on my butt.” you laugh loudly, making him chuckle. “nice to see you’re still with me princess.” you exhale and reply with a soft “yeah.” silence falls through the air once more before you speak up this time.

“i love the rain but hate thunder.” jj smiles and closes his eyes. “how could you not like thunder?” he asks, playing with his rings. “i don’t know,” you chuckle. “just the loud noises make me nervous i guess. i know it can’t do anything to me, but i’ve had rough experiences with loud noises. you know, like yelling and stuff. nothing ever comes good after a loud noise.” jj noticed how you started to open up to him, but decided to not mention it. if he did, you probably would have gotten embarrassed and you guys would’ve been back at square one. he didn’t want to admit it, but hearing you open up to him about stuff you haven’t even done with the pouges, made him feel important. like someone finally trusted him.

“you still there?” you ask, grabbing jj’s attention. “yeah,” he says softly. “i’m here.” you think some more, and continue to tell him little things about you. “i like the slower version of songs better, i play with my fingers and hair when i’m upset in public because i don’t want to act on my emotions, and i’ve always wanted to go to paris. there’s a lot more, but that’s all i can come up with right now.” both you and jj find yourselves smiling widely. “i can’t wait to learn a lot more about you then, babygirl.” you chuckle. “babygirl?” you question the nickname. “was that not one of the nicknames i could call you?” jj asks sincerely. “no,” you say, but quickly add on, “but i liked it.”

“goodnight jj,” you say with a wide smile. “goodnight babygirl.”

the next morning was a rough one. you woke up with both the sun and your hair in your face. you look at the time and see how it’s 10:28am. you slept in. you roll over to look at jj and notice how he’s still sleeping. you giggle to yourself when you see how his mouth hung open, and his hand was entangled with his hair. you grab your phone, going to take a picture, but before you could, theres a knock at the door. “guys? it’s me, i have breakfast!” you hear your mom’s voice from the other side of the door and panic. if you and jj were supposed to be together, why was he sleeping on the floor?

“uh, one minute!” you scream, throwing a pillow at jj. “jj!” you whisper, as he opens his eyes widely. “my mother’s at the door!” groaning, he rushes to get up on the bed. he grabs the blankets and pillows that were on the floor and throws a pillow at you, hitting you directly in the face. “can i come in?” your mom asks, growing impatient. “n-no!” you stutter, as jj tries to fix his side of the bed. “why?” you mom asks. “i– uh,” you look at jj, and he shrugs, picking up the pace to put the stuff on the bed. “we’re having sex!” you yell, causing jj to try to hold in a laugh. “y/n,” he says with a small laugh. “what the he-“

“shut up just get in bed!” you whisper yell, your face red like a tomato after hearing your mom gasp. “you can co-come in now,” you stutter, as you rest your head on jj’s chest, hearing his heart beat kind of fast. she comes in and sets the food down on nightstand next to you, and walks to the foot of the bed. she eyes you two, putting her hands on her hips. “i hope you two used protection?” she asks, as you groan and hid your face further into jj’s chest. “mom, please,” your raspy voice mumbles. jj laughs awkwardly and looks at the food, hoping to change the subject. “what’s that?” he asks, eyeing the food. “i made you two cinnamon rolls! sure you’ll need some food after working up an appetite, huh?” she says innocently, but that only makes you blush more. “oh my god mom! please leave!” she chuckles, and heads to the door. “thank you ma’am,” jj says politely. she puts her hand on the door knob but before leaving, she turns around. “i don’t want any grandchildren just yet!” she says, and shuts the door.

jj looks down at you and smirks. “we’re having sex, huh!” you push off him and groan in disgust. “i panicked, okay?” you grab your phone as jj continues to lay down, taking in the comfort of the bed he was denied the night before. “i got a text from kie,” you say aloud. “she wants us all to meet at the wreck in an hour.” you look up at jj to see him already staring at you. “what?” you ask and he shrugs. “what do you mean what?” he asks. this is how much of your arguments always start. “i’m not in the mood to fight with you,” you say, looking back down at your phone. that’s when you get an idea.

“let’s tell the pouges that we’re dating.” jj gets up and walks over to the cinnamon rolls your mom made, taking a big bite out of one of them. he looks at you, thinking, and that’s when a big smile appears on his face. “i like that idea.” you smile back at him, feeling those butterflies appear back in your stomach.

oh no, you think to yourself.

whatever you do, do NOT fall in love.

🏷 tag list: @spencereidbasis @lonely-kermit @pankow1218 @octopus1284 @downbytheouterbanks @softtfordrew @maybanksbaby @teamnick @diverrdown

#jj maybank #john b routledge #kiara carrera #pope heyward #outerbanks #jj maybank smut #jj smut #jj maybank x reader #outer banks imagine #obx fic #jj maybank obx #obx jj #jj outer banks #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank imagine

[backtobackbakubabe]

Stuck in the Middle with You (Part 2)

Bakugo x Reader 

Reader is a closet couponer and when word started spreading that there was going to be a mandatory quarantine to fend off a virus you weren't worried. You had enough supplies to last for months. However it wasn't until now that you realized you had no idea how to cook and you relied on take out and fast food for most of your meals. The only person who knew about your crazy couponing habit was Bakugo, so when he called and asked if he could raid your stash you got an idea.

Words: 2054

*****************************************************************************************************

You tried not to moan as you took your first bite of Bakugo’s pancakes. They were so delicious, but you didn’t want to add to his already huge ego. For the most part you both are in silence, locking eyes every so often before immediately looking anywhere else but at each other. There was still some awkward tension between the two of you. He had kissed you, like actually kissed you but neither of you wanted to be the one to bring it up. 

You knew he only did it to try and help you through your panic attack. There was no way he would have done it for any other reason. He was Bakugo after all and you weren't even convinced that he even liked you as a friend. Sure he always attended movie nights, and yeah he brought you coupons. But that was it. The two of you never hung out one on one and you rarely spoke to each other over the phone. You had known the man for years and you didn’t know a damm thing about him. 

It wasnt until he cleared his thought that you realized you had been staring at him, “Do I need to teach you manners as well as cooking? Lesson number one, don’t stare at people.”

You snorted, “Oh that’s rich. A lesson on manners from the same person who manages to find a way to insult anyone who dares try and speak to him.”

He slammed his fork down, “Well at least I wasn't the one staring at another person practically drooling while they ate!”

You stood up and tossed your plate into the sink, “I was not drooling! I was just thinking...”

Bakugo came up behind you and rinsed your dish as well as his before putting them in the dish washer, “You really shouldn't leave dishes in the sink. Its a bad habbit...”

When you didnt answer he took a deep breath, “If we’re going to be stuck here then we should probably at least try and get along.”

Again you were struck by how little you knew about him. How had you been friends with him for this long and not know anything about him.

He groaned, “Are you even fucking listening to me?”

You nodded and pinched the bridge of you nose, “Yeah sorry, just was thinking again... I can be kind of spacey.” 

He softened a bit before leaning on the counter next to you, “So I’ve noticed... What are you thinking about?”

You blushed slightly before regaining your composure, “Honestly you... Not anything weird... It’s just. Well I feel like I actually don’t know much about you. Like are you a morning person? Whats your favorite color? What kind of movies do you like? I know none of that seems important but for some reason it just weirds me out that I dont know.”

Bakugo scratched the back of his neck, “Well I mean you never asked...” 

You hopped up on the kitchen counter and swung your legs that were now dangling, “Okay well to be fair that can go both ways. I’m sure you don’t know anything about me either.”

He seemed to think for a minute before nodding, “Well I guess it’s a good thing we have some time to catch up. Just promise me that what you learn stays between us. I dont need any fucking extras thinking they know me.” 

You rolled your eyes at his abrasiveness. “How about you pick something to watch and I’ll go raid my closet for things you could wear. I doubt you want to wear the same clothes every day for the foreseeable future.” 

“Tsk as if I’d wear girls clothes. The director from my hero agency said he’d send someone over with some clothes. It’ll probably just be a bunch of training gear with the agencies logo on it but I guess beggars cant be choosers.” 

Bakugo was right because halfway through “Gladiator” a man showed up with a duffle bag full of grey and black shirts, shorts, and sweats with his agencies logo on it. They were all still wrapped in plastic just to be safe. 

He threw the bag full of clothes behind the couch and reclaimed his spot next to you. You were bundled up in a blanket, trying not to fall asleep but you were drained after your episode earlier. It was only a little after 8 and you could feel your eye lids growing heavier. 

At some point you woke up and to your horror you were leaning on Bakugo. You would have panicked except you could feel his arm draped around your shoulders holding you to him. This was odd. You slowly sat up and stretched. “Sorry. You could have pushed me off. I wouldn't have blamed you. Especially with social distancing or whatever.”

He chuckled, “Oh believe me I thought about it. But you were cold and if we stuck together I cant have you getting sick.”

You saw a slight blush creep up his neck. You knew there was no way you would have gotten sick from being chilly in your own living room. But you also knew he was probably more comfortable doing something nice if he had an excuse. So you game him a genuine smile. “Thanks. I’ll be honest that's the best nap I’ve ever had. Well best I’ve slept in months actually. I’m always tossing and turning.” You turned off the tv that was now playing the credits. You had seriously slept through the entire second half of the movie. 

You walked over and started pulling out pillows and blankets from the hall closet. “You can sleep on the couch. It pulls out into a bed but honestly its more comfortable if you just sleep on it normally. We can take turns sleeping in the bed if you’re here long enough.”

He accepted the blankets but held tight to your hand. “Hey you know I meant it earlier when I said you could talk to me. I’m the last person to voluntarily open up about my feelings, but you know... I worry about you sometimes.” 

You plopped down on the couch with a huge sigh. “I appreciate your concern. But I wouldn't even know where to begin... I’m just... I don’t know. I’m fine.”

Bakugo took a seat next to you, “You’re what? Smart? Strong? Badass? Because those are the first words that come to mind when I think of you...”

You could feel your eyes prick with unshed tears. “Well those are definitely not high on the list of adjectives I would consider for myself. More like small, scared, and incompetent.” You leaned your head back on the couch and stared at the ceiling. 

Bakugo crossed his arms over his chest in mild frustration. “Why? That couldn’t be further from the truth! Well except the small thing. You are kinda little. But last I checked that wasn’t a bad thing. If anything... its kinda.... cute.” 

You looked up expecting to see him blushing. But instead you saw him giving you a nervous smile. You wiped a tear from the corner of your eyes and returned his smile, “Well you know how my quirk can be really vague? I only get fragments of the truth and even then it’s up to me to decide what they mean... That’s a lot of pressure. I cant be wrong. Ever. And there was this one time when I was a child... I was living with my mom.. I interpreted something wrong and someone died because of it. That kind of thing sticks with you.”

Bakugo reached out and took your hand, “Is that why you decided not to be a hero?”

You nodded as you wiped away another tear, “Yeah. Now I work behind a desk, looking at files, and no body gets hurt.” 

Bakugo surprised you by pulling you to him and giving you a tight hug. “I’m going to say something and you better not ever repeat it.... But I was always nervous to spar against you. You always seemed to be able to read me like a book. You worked harder than the rest of us including me. You were always in the gym or the library. I’m not saying I don’t understand your decision. I just want you to know that I think you would have been great.” 

You leaned into his hug, “Thank you... for everything today. For helping through my panic attack, for making me dinner, for hanging out with me. I know you say you didnt have a choice. But you really are a great friend.” 

You both laid there on the couch. Bakugo holding onto you taking deep breaths, “You want to talk about earlier? You dont have to but it might help me out to know what might trigger you if we’re going to be stuck here.”

You buried your face into his chest. “I dont really want to talk about it. But I will say I dont do very well when I feel trapped, especially if I have to be alone.”

He gave you a quick squeeze, “You going to be okay alone tonight?”

You sat up and swatted as his chest, “Bakugo Katsuki! Did you just ask if you could spend the night with me?”

He rolled his eyed before he pushed you off the couch. “Sorry for being concerned. I promise it’ll never happen again. Next time I’ll just let you suffer.”

You giggled, “There’s the Bakugo I know.” You started your trek up the stairs to your room calling a goodnight over your shoulder to the man who was getting cozy on your couch. When you had woken up this morning there was no way you could have predicted your day would end up like this. You didn’t know what was harder to believe, the lockdown, or the fact that Bakugo was a secret softy.

You were already so exhausted that it was hard for you to fall asleep. The hard part was staying asleep. You woke up several times, tossing and turning. Your anxiety was truly kicking your ass tonight. At one point you felt compelled to go and check that Bakugo was still there. Not that it would make any difference. There’s no way your insomnia would magically be cured by knowing that Bakugo was still there. 

But logic wasnt on your side tonight.

You wrapped yourself in a towel and tip toes across the cold hardwood floor. You tried really hard to be silent, slowly making your way down the stairs. It was so dark, but you could just make out the silhouette of his rising and falling chest. At least he could sleep. 

After you had satisfied your irrational need to make sure he was still there you stood and turned to go back up the stairs. You were almost to the top when the board groaned under your foot. You froze. 

“Y/n?” Bakugo slowly sat up. “Y/n what are you doing up?” He picked up his phone and groaned. “Y/n it’s four in the morning!” You remained frozen to your spot on the stairs. “Y/n I can see you... Are you okay?”

You sighed, “I’m fine, I was just having a hard time sleeping again. Its nothing new. Go back to sleep.”

He stood up and wrapped the blanket around his half asleep form. He slowly made his way up the stairs. When he got to you he didnt stop but kept walking towards your room. He only paused when he got to the door. “Are you coming or not?” 

You silently nodded and joined him in your room. He laid down on  the floor next to your bed, which looked extremely uncomfortable. “You sure you’re going to be okay down there?”

He scoffed, “Of course I’ll be okay. I’m no cry baby.”

You rolled your eyed and threw a pillow at him, “At lest take a pillow!”

He muttered something under his breath but excepted the pillow none the less. 

You rolled over and pulled the covers up to your chin, “Thank you Bakugo.”

“You’re welcome smalls.” 

Smalls.... It was a nickname he had used during your time at UA. You used to hate it but after tonights confession, you found it endearing. 

#bakugo #bakugo katsuki #Katsuki Bakugō #bhna bakugou #bakugo x reader #bakugo x y/n #bakugo imagine #bnha #bnha fanfiction #bnha imagines #bnha x reader #bnha bakugo katsuki #mha #mha imagines #mha bakugou #mha x reader #mha x y/n #my hero academia

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 94

Okay, camping trip is over for now... I plan to do another in October, though, so if your story or submission wasn’t included, don’t worry. Still hanging on to it for then.

For now, however, it’s time for Sophia to jump back into her regularly scheduled disaster, with both feet.  Thanks go out to @baelpenrose and @creakingcryptid for their beta-readership on this chapter.

Everyone else? Hang on tight.  This is a steep drop....

Despite my misgivings about Conor and Maverick’s idea to have a camping trip, I was still in a far better mood several days afterward.  The atmosphere was casual enough that I had been able to forget the fact that Grey, Simon, and I were essentially surrounded by armed guards. Instead, it was us, our friends, and respective partners: a nice, normal camping trip, minus the fire and fish. Granted, the last part had been due to a late appearance by a certain mermaid who was very strict about fishing in the artificial lake, but still. Very quiet, very dark, very relaxing… and most of all, very, very normal. 

The side effect of the camping trip was a sense of calm, which trickled into the following week. I was walking to my office, on what I was reasonably certain was Monday, chatting with Xiomara and inviting her to the next campout, when I ran squarely into someone.  My immediate thought was that I needed to really watch where I was going, until the jarring reality of the situation hit me.

I hadn’t received a proximity alert.

I had become so accustomed to them, even with the knowledge that Jokul’s acolytes were disabling them, that I developed a tendency to navigate using them. I know, I know, it was profoundly lazy of me, but after a lifetime of bad eyesight and sketchy hearing, the cranial beeping was far more reliable.  Cautiously turning my gaze to the person I had charged into, I was astonished at what I saw. Medium height and build, light brown hair, hazel eyes… check, check, and check.

“Antoine!?” I gasped in confusion. “I haven’t seen you in months! Are you okay? Crepes, work must be busy…”

“Councillor Reid.” He inclined his head slightly as he intoned his greeting.

I was so… baffled. This was, essentially, my brother in law. Who adored lemon-blueberry cake donuts, atomically spicy etouffee, and Love in the Time of Cholera. Who had investigated the quilt I gifted Tyche with sincere curiosity. Who… was staring coldly at me, right now?

“I - I’m so… sorry…” I trailed off. “Let me get out of your way. I’m sure you’ve got somewhere to be, as busy as I’m sure you’ve been…”

“Coward,” he spat, pain spiking through me like I’d been shot. “Always so subservient, so afraid.” He stood, ramrod straight, hands behind his back in an ‘at rest’ posture. “It’s no wonder you hide behind others.”

I backed up, slamming into Xiomara. “Antoine, I don - “

“Don’t what?” he accused. “Don’t walk around with your minions, expecting them to keep you safe? Expecting Tyche to keep you safe? How dare you?”

I tried to respond, but he soldiered through, ignoring me. “She is your sister. You should be protecting her, but instead you use her as your shield, hiding behind her rage.”

“Look - “

“No, you look,” he demanded. “Your partners, I understand. They are more versed in physical confrontation, no? Your friend Farro, even. But Tyche? That is sheer cowardice. Leave her out of this, you… you monster!” Antoine stepped forward to tower over me. I had never been so aware of the difference in our heights before, but I was suddenly realizing that I was a distinct disadvantage.

However, I was also remarkably angry. “How dare I!? How dare YOU!”  I shouted back. “I specifically asked that Tyche, Conor, Maverick… Grey… Charly… Zach… hell, Derek, Sam, and YOU would be left out of this.” Shoving my hand through my hair, I took a step forward. Now, I was chest-to-chest with a man I never thought I would argue with in my life. “I wanted all of you to be out of this, completely out. I almost died on Level One just for thinking out loud. As soon as I realized something was up, I went to her,” I pointed emphatically at Xiomara, almost taking her eye out by underestimating how close she was, “that none of us want any part of this. That was after Charly took a slap to the face and punch to the ribs that was meant for me. If you can convince my sister to stop putting herself in the line of fire on my behalf, I will do anything.” I took three deep breaths, trying to calm myself and failing. “But don’t you dare,” I bruised my finger stabbing him in the sternum, “Accuse” Stab and bruise. “ME” More bruising, hopefully not just my finger this time. “Of putting Tyche in danger on purpose. That woman is anger wrapped in a hurricane and strapped down with dynamite. She does what she wants, when she wants, and fuck us all if we disagree.” My voice dropped to a whisper, close enough now that there would be no misunderstanding, even with my loss of hearing. “Because do not mistake me, Tyche is never willing to back down when her moral compass points a certain way. It may not make sense in the now, it may not make sense to me, but in the end, she is incapable of backing down from what she believes is right.”

Antoine stepped back, then took half a step back again. “You are choosing to remain hiding behind someone else’s virtue,” he pronounced loudly, still standing at-rest and sneering. “He is correct, you are simply a coward, climbing out of the shadow of greater people to stand on the shoulders of others.”  His eyes bored into mine like he was trying to drill the idea into my head, but it only made me angrier. 

Before I could say anything, he spun on his heel and walked away, hands still gripped tightly behind his back “What the hell?” I asked the air, bewildered.

I turned to Xiomara, but before I could say anything, a woman ran up and grabbed my arm, her dark eyes wide and pleading, nails digging into my skin. “Sophia,” Parvati gasped, trying to catch her breath. “I saw his hands, he was typing to someone.” She stared me down, clearly asking me to understand some piece of information I was missing. When she realized this, she tried again. “While he was speaking to you. The entire time, both his hands were clearly typing, and quickly.”

Realization dawned on me. “Tyche?” I asked, hoping he was standing up for my sister and informing her of the fact rather than asking for permission I knew she wouldn’t have granted.

“I am not sure,” she replied, glancing around. “But I am confident you need to move from here and get to your office. It cannot be safe.”

A sliver of my undying curiosity wanted to glance back at Xiomara’s face, seeing her romantic interest warn me to shelter. However, Parvati dug her nails deeper into my arm, matched only by a blunter set on the other - clearly the women were of an accord on my need to get to a safe location, preventing any excuse to satiate my nosy nature. Instead, I had several yards of keeping my eyes down to prevent motion sickness. Inevitably, I focused on the swishing silks in front of me. “Silver and gold… you look like a statue, Parvati.”

“AH! You really are colorblind,” she laughed, pealing like a bell. No wonder Xiomara was so enamoured. “Turquoise and gold, I believe.”

“Same thing,” I muttered, dismayed that having one eye replaced hadn’t corrected my color-vision. Mental note to have my eyes replaced with Tyche’s in the future, I told myself. There was really no excuse for still being colorblind, especially when several people told me I was missing out on the best part.

“This sari is designed to look like the colors of the ocean, sky, and land,” Parvati continued. I restrained a groan at all I knew I was missing. “Golden sand, and the waters of the tropical seas.”

“Sophia - “ Xiomara interjected from behind me. I briefly felt fingers brush my shirt, and assumed it was her.

“Not now,” Parvati panted, still towing me behind her. “Fifty more yards.”

I glanced around, concerned. “My office is nowhere near here.  It’s on another deck…”

“I am aware,” came the reply. “But we are headed to a safe location. Safer, at least. Ah!” Parvati exclaimed as we arrived at a door I had passed a dozen times but never really looked at. “In here.”  With that, she practically stuffed me into the door, quickly repeated the action on Xiomara,  and finally yanked her sari behind her as she closed the entrance.  I did not miss how she peered through the closing portal, up to the point she could no longer see even a sliver of light through it. “We are safe now.”

“How can you - “

She held one finger to her lips, another canted overhead and to the side. After a moment, she tilted her head. “Do you hear the humming?”

I listened, but couldn’t actually hear anything. Despite that, there was a vibration working its way through my teeth and bones. “I feel it, does that count?”

She nodded once. “That is the gravity generator for this side of the ship. It distorts sound, creates an inhuman level of interference.” Pointing past me, Parvati raised her eyebrows. “If you keep walking in that direction, there should be an intersect between the grav generators, at least theoretically. It will either be the most efficient compactor known to humanity, or a zero gee area the size of a small park. But I haven’t found it yet.”

A throat cleared, calling our attention. Eyes turned to Xiomara, who stood with both hands on her hips. “Care to fill me in on why, exactly, we are here?”

I tried to plead what little I knew. “Antoine - “

“Yes, he confronted you in the hall.” A sleek hand held up to stave off Parvati’s objections. “And yes, he sent a message to someone. But why are we here?”

Parvati scoffed, wagging her head at my fellow Councillor. “Sophia is in danger. Someone very close to her just accused her of using people as protection, while reporting back to an unknown party. At least here, she can attempt to send a signal to her sister to try to understand.”  With that, she started to poke around the space, eventually locating a wire connected to gods know what. “This will let you send a signal without interference, but you will have to type on a flat surface - the motion sensor will be disrupted and will need a very firm stop to know what you are typing. Voice will not work.” I nodded, in shock and awe at her direct delivery and preparedness. As she handed me the plug, I flicked open my data pad.

Only to find a message waiting.

Sophia,

My sincerest apologies for my abrasiveness. I needed to appear real.

Meet me at the Undine at 0100 hours. Come alone. I will advise her where you will be, and you can confirm.

You are my heart’s heart.

Absently, I wiped at a tear making its way down my cheek, not even consciously aware of the action. “He isn’t angry,” I exhaled, a tightness in my chest releasing. “Xio, should I stay away?”

Dark eyes gave me an appraising look. “No. You should go. This could be important, if he’s reaching out to you like this.”

“And I should really go alone?”

“Depends,” she shrugged.  Her casual demeanor was very disconcerting. “Everyone connected to you is well-known to… essentially the whole ship. How well can Farro disguise himself? I’ll give him back his sword if he can do it.”

Glancing at my datapad, I focused on the time. “He has about twelve hours to figure that out.”

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#the miys #humans are weird #humans are space orcs #aliens #original fiction #original science fiction #my writing #original writing #apocalypse #conspiracy

[raeathnos]

.

#gotta love how this morning no one took me seriously and i got attitude for saying i didnt feel good #but when i come home from an eight and a half hour shift all i get is yelled at about it #‘i cant believe you got sick’ and ‘none of us better catch it’ #yeah like i caught this stupid cold on purpose and can totally control who catches it #you know the fucking best part? #when she fucking tells me i need to stop going on those hikes and that theyre the reason im sick now #like yeah the two hour easy hike on flat ground that i went on during the first day of my three day weekend a week ago is why im sick now #not my high stress retail job where i gotta work at an absurd pace and lift heavy shift in little to no air conditioning #while dealing with rude assholes who dont know how to properly wear a mask #yeah it was definitely that relaxing two hour hike and bot the ten hour shift i had to work a few days ago #‘those hikes are running you down!’ oh gee i didnt realize hiking once every two weeks was gonna do that #its clearly not the 40 hour work week with shitty stressful conditions #bonus- im 29 and she still tries to treat me like a child and thibks she can tell me what to do #which mainly consists of telling me i cant do anything that brings me the slightest bit of joy and that im lazy #im so fucking tired and i need to get thw fuck out of here #those hikes are the only thing keeping my already catastrophic mental health from tanking any lower #so of course she wants to try to take that away #im so fucking angry and frustrated #i worked eight and half hours and im sick and all i wanted was to come home and not deal with shit #its fun when you just want an once of respect and youre not even worth that 🙃 #gotta love when you just want someone to confort you but there isnt anyone to do that either 🙃 #i feel broken

[ijustwant2write]

A Different Background-Eggsy Unwin x Reader

(GIF credit to owner)

Masterlist

Summary: Requested by anonymous: ‘Hi! I really like your writing it’s incredible ❤❤ can you please write an Eggsy x reader where the reader is a very serious agent and she’s been part of the kingsman before Eggsy and he really likes her and try to grab her attention in many ways and most of them fail leaving him embarrassed while Charlie and the others make fun of him but when he refuses to shoot JB that’s when he caught her attention (it takes place during the first film)? I’ll love you forever if you did it! ❤❤’

Characters: Eggsy Unwin x Reader

Meanings: (Y/H/L)= Your hair length (Y/H/C)= Your hair colour

Warnings: Bit of swearing

(A/N: Gonna do third person again. Also may have changed it slightly.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Merlin stood with his clipboard, his back straight as he eyed down the new recruits. They too were stood in two lines in front of him, hands behind their backs, awaiting their orders. Most of them looked like the usual material; posh, a wealthy background, maybe a little snobby. All except one. Perhaps thing would be a little different during this recruitment. Merlin started by introducing himself, explaining how the how this job interview would play out. He loved to see the petrified faces as he mentioned the body bags.

Eggsy Unwin was a little disturbed by it all. These people weren’t fucking around. He tried to maintain a stern face, recalling his training in the marines. No way were these people going to care him off on the first day.

“Alright, now that we’ve gone that settled,” Merlin’s posture became a little relaxed,“I will not be alone on this. I have one of our finest members joining me. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Agent Guinevere.” Eggsy was suddenly paying more attention. The most gorgeous woman he had ever seen walked in, her steps silent as if she were on clouds. Her (Y/H/L), (Y/H/C) framed her face which held a plain expression, though that didn’t make her any less beautiful. She held such a confidence stance, she knew she was good but not in an obnoxious way. Eggsy found himself standing a little taller, chest popping out and head held high.

“I have never seen a better agent than her. Don’t let her intimidate you though, she’s really a sweetheart.” Merlin reassured them.

She smirked slightly, scaring some of the recruitments. They knew what they were getting themselves into, but that didn’t mean they were any less afraid. Merlin continued to brief them, giving her time to assess them. They were only but a year or so younger than her, she was one of the youngest agents. None of them stood out to her, except one man. He wasn’t dressed like the rest, sweatpants, bomber jacket and a snapback hat. Whoever picked him saw something, what is was she didn’t know yet. Perhaps this recruitment would be interesting.

It was their first night at Kingsman, but little did they know that it was also their first test. Merlin and Guinevere stood at the two way mirror, watching as they settled down for the night.

“That Eggsy, he’s different from the others.” she spoke up.

“Yes, very good skills though. Great in gymnastics, coach said he could go to the olympics, did very well in the marines until he quit. Has family problems.” Merlin informed her.

“They’re a good bunch. Let’s hope they do well.” Their attention went back to the mirror.

“Eggy, saw you checking out the agent.” Charlie teased arrogantly. They had some sort of beef between them.

Eggsy ingnored him whilst Guinevere blushed slightly.

“As if you would ever be with someone like that. She hardly spared a glance at you. It’s not like you’re going to pass these tests anyway.”

Eggsy spun around, ready to punch him before another recruitment, Roxy, stopped him. Charlie and his followers laughed, enjoying this. He was a stuck up brat, he had probably always got his way. Guinevere hated people like that.

They were all finally asleep, unaware of what was to come. Silently, water began to fill the room, waking them up as it reached their beds. Panicked, they all started to shout over on another until someone had the idea of using the showers as air tubes. Heading straight towards them, they bent them round the U-bend of the toilet, breathing through them. Eggsy had swam to the door, using all his strength to get it open. Guinevere bit her lip, anxious for all of them. But when Eggsy approached the window, she knew that it had clicked in his mind what I do. Her and Merlin simply stood to the side as the glass broke, the recruitments all falling out with the water. He had done it, he figured it out.

Merlin congratulated Eggsy and the others who figured out the U-bend trick.

“That’s cause he’s seen a lot of them.” Charlie smirked, referring to the two way mirror.

“I didn’t see you breaking the glass.” Guinevere snapped.“What were you planning to do? Stay next to the toilet for the rest of your life?”

Some of them snickered, especially Eggsy. Listening to the others accents made him cringe at how posh they were, but when he heard her speaking, he somehow fell in love with it.

The tasks continued, more trainees were eliminated. Guinevere knew who would be in the finals, something inside her made her happy that Eggsy was there. Perhaps it was because he had proved himself in front of the others, perhaps it was because he had been constantly flirting with her. She quite enoyed it but wouldn’t let it show.

There was the time where they had to do their paper test. Those who remained sat at desks like school children, whilst Guinevere sat at a desk like a teacher. When they were finished, they would hand them in to the agent. As she sat there with a book to keep her occupied, she didn’t really pay attention when they brought up their papers. Eggsy saw his opportunity, swiping up his papers with a flourish, he swaggered his way towards the desk, sliding the paper towards her. He willed for her to put the book down, just to look at him once. Her eyes lifted from the book for a second, just to catch him tripping over his own feet. Stumbling towards the door, he regained his posture, clearing his throat before walking out. As usual, Charlie was snickering, immediately shutting up when he fell upon Guinevere’s stare.

Then there was the parachute task. This decided the final three. As they plummeted thousands of feet towards the ground, Eggsy had to hold onto Roxy, thinking that he was without a parachute. They were lucky not to be detected in the radars and land in the 'K’. Merlin complimented him on his quick thinking, only to be snapped at. Eggsy felt targeted, embarrassed and frustrated that he was picked out, just because he was different. For a moment he didn’t care that Guinevere was seeing him like this; he was sick of her turning her nose up at him too. What was the point anymore? Merlin obviously took none of it, pulling in a string on Eggsy’s suit, deploying a parachute that had been there all along. For the second time he fell in front of his new crush, unable to get back up. Though he was happy to have got through, his heart saddened when He saw her walk away from him again, no second glance spared.

Guinevere was sat in a hallway, awaiting whoever would be the new Galahad. It was down to the worst test, the shooting of the dogs. Crossing her legs, she took in the peace, knowing some sort of shot storm would come along at one point. The doors to Arthur’s office slammed open then quickly shut as Eggsy stormed out. Yet again he was angry, fuming that someone could belittle him like that. He stopped in his tracks as he spotted the young woman sat down.

Just as he was about to storm away again, she called out to him.“Eggsy, stop where you are.”

For some reason he listened.“What? You want to kick me while I’m down too? Go on then, you posh totties get off on it, dont ya’?”

She widened her eyes, sarcasm rolling off her tongue.“Wow, haven’t heard that one before.” her eyes softened, smiling slightly.“Why didn’t you just do it Eggsy? Why throw it all away now?”

“I just couldn’t. JB was my only other friend besides Roxy.”

“Jason Bourne?”

He smiled.“Yeah.”

“Good, for a moment I thought you named him after James Bond or something; that would be too cliche.”

Eggsy couldn’t believe she was talking to him.“Why are you talkin’ to me now? All this time you ignored me.”

Guinevere laughed.“I have to ignore everyone, I cant get attached to anyone, not that I would anyway.”

He felt slightly embarrassed.“O-oh, course, why would you…”

“Looking back on it, I’ve got to say, I’m very impressed, especially not shooting your dog in front of the big boss man.”

“Well, thanks.”

A gunshot rang out, startling Eggsy. Guinevere didn’t even blink, the sound being white noise to her.

“Looks like Roxy got the job.” Guinevere said.

“She deserves it.” Eggsy nodded to himself, slumping down the corridor.

“Eggsy,” Guinevere called his name again. He looked over his shoulder,“this won’t be the last time we see each other.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Just a feeling. I’m looking forward to it though.”

#kingsman #kingsman imagine #kingsman one shot #kingsman x reader #kingsman imagines #eggsy unwin #eggsy unwin imagine #eggsy unwin imagines #eggsy unwin one shot #eggsy unwin x reader

[wannasoftimagine]

imagine park woojin as your classmate

project partners to dating partners :’)

(( AS REQUESTED // omg since ure a woojin stan can i get a request where y/n and woojin study in the same course after his wanna one activities (before he debuts in brand new music) and got closer after a project andddd you can write whatever after that LMAO :^) THANK YOU ))

okay so ure a fan of wanna one

who isnt tbh

and lucky u bc it turns out tht ure going to college w the one and only park woojin!!!!!!! (srsly tho what r the chances)

u forgot tht woojins age is kinda similar to urs bc he always acts like a tough guy on stage or a little kid off stage and u forget that hes a student like u

anyways

its a little weird to get used to seeing him in person after all the pictures n videos uve seen of him online

like?? hes a Real Person??? what a wild idea

and even tho ure both in the same college course, u try to keep ur distance

as much as ud like to befriend him, hes still an idol (even tho he hasnt debuted w brand new yet) and its rlly hard for u to start up a conversation w someone famous

also ure lowkey worried tht its going to ruin how much u admire him, and that actually talking to him will destroy how highly u view him

little do u kno hes seen u around campus before n thinks ure pretty cute

;))

okay but anyways

u make sure to stay out of his way bc the last thing u want is to bother him by asking for a signature or picture or smthn

u try and keep a minimum of like 10 yds between u at all times

(bc itd be even more embarrassing if u tripped right in front of him and that was the first thing he noticed abt u)

but lucky for u, life doesnt care what u have planned

bc its only a month into the semester and u already have a huge project assigned

of course, it’s a partner project

it might be okay if u were able to choose ur partners, but ur teacher insisted on trying to help everyone “bond w their classmates” so its all completely random

unfortunately for u, u get sick the day that ur teacher assigns partners

so u have no idea who ure paired up with

ure stuck asking some of ur classmates, but none of them rlly remember

everyone was a bit busy stressing out over their own partners tbh

and u keep asking around a bit, but u only know so many ppl in the class so eventually u kinda give up and hope ur partner isnt too bad

u settle on focusing on ur other classes, studying for future exams and reviewing ur notes in the library

even tho ure not sick anymore, u still feel a bit drowsy from all of the different medications u took and all of the work u were trying to catch up on

so. all excuses aside u fall asleep

prob not the best plan esp since some of ur things are balancing on the edge of ur desk

but the heart wants what the heart wants, and it rlly wants to sleep

ure having a rlly weird dream abt pirate monkeys when ure jolted awake by someone bumping into ur side

u look up to see someone sprinting away from u and like okay. thts a little weird

u try not to think abt it too much bc ure still kinda sleepy

so u settle on gathering ur things so u can head back to ur dorm and decide whether or not u want to study, sleep more, or find something to eat

as u collect everything, u notice a little post it note that hadnt been there before

in messy handwriting, it says “i didnt want to wake u but im ur partner for the partner project. im woojin and u can text me at [xxx-xxx-xxxx] whenever u want to meet up i hope u sleep well”

u realize that ur partner is prob the one u saw sprinting away from u earlier after he accidentally bumped into u lol

somehow u momentarily forget that ur partner is THE park woojin and ure like aw cool this woojin guy seems nice

then ure like WAIT A SECOND

ure highkey in shock and keep pinching urself to make sure its real

so u end up taking the rest of ur stuff back to ur room and wondering how u should text him

eventually u decide on a simple greeting and ur name, and u ask him when hes free

u have to send the text and then throw ur phone onto the floor bc U JUST TEXTED PARK WOOJIN ABT MEETING IN PERSON. GOD BLESS

ure suddenly super grateful abt every decision tht led u to this moment

anyways

ur phone buzzes on the floor so u scramble to pick it up

only to realize tht its a text from ur mom asking how ure doing

u text her back and tell her not to worry, then attempt to clean ur room a little instead of waiting for woojin to text u back

u just finish reorganizing ur closet when he texts u

its a quick text, smthn along the lines of “im free tmrw afternoon, do u want to meet by the cafeteria” so u agree quickly and hope u dont seem too desperate

and u KNOW its not a date

u guys havent even spoken to each other before so???

but ure still rlly nervous bc its WOOJIN and u want to impress him, even if ure just going to spend most of ur time talking abt boring coursework

u both settle on a time to meet and u pretend not to freak out

anyways skip to the next afternoon

u get there a bit early but ?? hes there already ??? ldsjks

and he looks Really Cute like hes wearing a sweater and ripped jeans and looking like complete boyfriend material wow ure p sure u can feel ur heart stop in ur chest

hes a bit awkward but uve heard abt how shy he is so u try not to take it personally

as soon as he sees u he blurts out tht u look nice and that is not helping the way tht this feels like a date

u guys end up moving to a bench in the shade bc its rlly nice out and this way ure able to talk freely without worrying abt being too loud

he explains the project a little, and u guys go back and forth offering up ideas

he always nods super enthusiastically whenever u suggest smthn and its honestly the cutest thing uve ever seen

its so weird for u to remember that this is the same guy uve seen videos of online bc what the heck

anyways

neither of u are extreme geniuses in the class, but ure both still pretty smart

ure pleased to find tht u guys complement each other well, w different areas of interest inside the same field

it helps ur project run a lot smoother than u thought it would, so u guys split up the work and agree to do as much as u can before u meet up again

ur conversations are still a bit stilted bc ure both still shy w each other, but overall u seem to get along well so ure happy

u text each other every once in awhile to talk abt the project or ask questions

u meet up a few more times in the next couple weeks but its all work and no business

still, over time u find urselves joking around with each other a little more, teasing each other and talking abt urselves instead of the project

of course, all things must come to an end

so all too soon, the day u submit the final project arrives

and ure a little worried tht woojin is going to disappear from ur life again

bc maybe he’s only been this nice to u bc hes just a sweet guy, but as soon as the project ends he wont care abt talking to u anymore

after all, its not like u guys meet up for meals or to hang out that often - even when ure just relaxing w each other, theres always some part of ur convo tht centers around the class

so as ure freaking out over this

he texts u asking if u want to come over to his dorm while he submits it

and mb u guys can just hang out afterwards?

obviously u agree and u cant stop smiling

when u show up at his dorm, hes wearing sweatpants and a tshirt and he looks adorable as heck when he invites u in

u guys sit on his bed as he loads all the stuff on his laptop and u try not to be hyperaware of the space between u two

woojins also screaming internally but somehow u dont notice the way he keeps staring at u out of the corner of his eye

u click the “submit” button together and HIS HANDS ARE SO GENTLE also theyre shaking a little???? huh

u assume its just bc hes Extra Nervous for the project but honestly? no hes just never been this close to u and hes freaking out

but anyways

u decide to go out to eat off campus afterwards to celebrate being done

a lot of the places have long waits or are too expensive so u just eat at a chikfila

its rlly casual but its fun and u guys argue abt whether chicken nuggets or chicken sandwiches r better and u cant help but think abt how much fun ure having w hiim

u end up blurting it out to him on accident and ure v v embarrassed

but he laughs and admits tht he rlly likes spending time w u too

so u promise each other to keep hanging out afterwards

it gets to the point where weeks later, ure still texting each other to complain abt classes or ask abt the other persons day

it still feels like a dream tbh

but u guys enjoy each others company whenever u can

most of the time u end up meeting each other at the cafeteria or studying together in the library, but u both just rlly like spending time w the other person

this routine continues for awhile and its prob the best part of ur life

but at one point ure trying to sneak up on woojin and surprise him when u see him talking to himself

as u creep forward, u realize tht hes actually on the phone, and he looks kinda stressed

it feels a bit invasive so ure looking around trying to find a place to go while he finishes up his phone call

but then u hear him say ur name so. consider u INTERESTED

and he keeps getting flustered and shutting down anything tht the other person says which is weird bc hes p shy, but hes never usually tht adamant and blushy abt something

eventually he tucks his phone away and lets out a Huge sigh so ure like,, hey u good

and he laughs it off but u can tell hes a little antsy, so u decide to tell him tht u overheard a little bit of him on the phone, and u ask him what it was about

he literally turns into a tomato its so funny u wish u had recorded it

but hes like “HOW MUCH DID U HEAR”

even tho u tell him u didnt hear much, he refuses to believe u and he spends the next few minutes pouting

u keep trying to get him to talk to u normally, but he refuses

finally he ends up grumbling smthn and ure like ???

and after a few half hearted efforts to repeat himself hes like “just tell me u dont like me back”

and. WHAT.

he pouts again and its so sos sosososoos o so cute u think ure going to combust honestly

“i kno u heard me tell him tht i like u!!!! just tell me u dont feel the same and leave me alone to cry”

and u have to reassure him tht u definitely didnt hear that BUT ALSO what???

n hes literally mortified when he realizes ure serious

but he has this rlly cute determined expression like “ok well now u kno i like u!!!!! y/n, please go out w me???”

n its like OF COURSE and u tell him tht u like him too and he keeps smiling and acting shy

honestly u both just make each other super happy

when u start dating, its not too diff from when u were friends, except now ure more affectionate w each other

both physically and with ur words

he loves hyping u up, and u feel the same

esp when he starts practicing more to debut w the rest of the bnm boys

u support the heck out of each other and can always count on the other person to be there for u when u need it the most

honestly its super soft and ure totally proud to be a lowkey campus couple even tho u have to keep ur relationship on the down low bc of dispatch

still u both care for each other a lot and u wouldnt trade what u have for the world

#requested #wanna one #woojin #wanna one imagine #wanna one imagines #wanna one scenarios #wanna one scenario #park woojin #park woojin scenarios #park woojin imagine #woojin scenarios #woojin imagine #woojin imagines #fluff

[samoas]

All asks

(1) Do You Sleep With Your Closet Doors Open Or Closed?

closed tf 

(2) Do You Have Freckles?

uhh i have like 4 in different places on my body 

(3) Can You Whistle?

kind of. braces took my sick whistling skills away 

(4) Last Song You Listened To.

currently listening to sound check (gravity) by the gorillaz 

(5) What Is Your Favourite Colour?

hmmm there r so many that i like i love reds and oranges and deep warm colors 

(6) Relationship Status.

emotionally unavailable 

(7) What Is The Temperature Right Now?

22 degrees rn 

(8) Did You Wake Up Cranky?

kinda bc i was awoken at 7:30

(9) How Many Followers?

;-)

(10) Zodiac Sign.

leo babi

(11) What Is Your Eye Colour?

mix of blue, green, and grey 

(12) Take A Vitamin Daily?

nop but i should 

(13) Do You Sing In The Shower?

ya bc i listen to music while showering 

(14) What Books Are You Reading?

mortal instruments series 

(15) Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 64, Give Me Line 14.

“he had thought he knew how they felt.”

(16) Favourite Anime?

NARUTO

(17) Last Person You Cried In Front Of?

uhhhhhhhhhh does my dog count ????

(18) Do You Collect Anything?

oh ya i collect rocks and old books and dried flowers and dead butterflies and sweet things

(19) What Did You Have For Lunch?

i have not eaten that yet 

(20) Do You Dance In The Car?

depends. sometimes 

(21) Favourite Animal?

i love octopi 

(22) Do You Watch The Olympics?

nah

(23) What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed?

like 1-5 am 

(24) Are You Wearing Makeup Right Now?

ya 

(25) Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean?

ocean

(26) Favourite Tumblr Blog?

shidd i love too many 

(27) Bottled Water Or Tap Water?

bottled. not about that chlorine 

(28) What Makes You Happy?

cynthia and harry styles and flowers and snow and rocks and bugs 

(29) Post A Gif Of What You’re Currently Feeling Right Now.

i have no gifs on my computer but that in itself is an accurate depiction of how i feel 

(30) Do You Study Better With Or Without Music?

depends on the subject 

(31) Dogs Or Cats?

doggos but i love both 

(32) If You Were A Crayon What Colour Would You Be?

peach

(33) PlayStation Or Xbox.

xbox bc i have never played a playstation lol 

(34) Would You Swim In The Lake Or Ocean?

ocean. lakes are fucking DISGUSTING i would rather swim in a puddle on the side of the road than in a lake 

(35) Do You Believe In Magic?

the magic of gays 

(36) What Colour Shirt Are You Wearing?

yellow 

(37) Can You Curl Your Tongue?

ya baby like a burrito 

(38) Do You Save Money Or Spend It?

usually save but i spend sometimes

(39) Is There Anything Pink Within 10 Feet Of You?

yes a blanket, a bra, makeup

(40) Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now?

harry styles and 1d as always 

(41) Have You Ever Caught A Butterfly?

they have always tended to land on me so they catch me 

(42) Are You Easily Influenced By Other People?

im influenced by people i love like my bff and my krush but i could not care less about what other people think i do what i wanna do regardless 

(43) Do You Have Strange Dreams?

all the fuckn time thanx zoloft 

(44) Do You Like Going On Airplanes?

yes 

(45) Name One Movie That Made You Cry.

one direction: this is us 

(46) Peanuts Or Sunflower Seeds?

peanuts can suck my sweet asshole 

(47) If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be?

harry styles front row seats 

(48) Are You A Picky Eater?

nop

(49) Are You A Heavy Sleeper?

uhhh im average i think 

(50) Do You Fear Thunder / Lightning?

no i love it 

(51) Do You Like To Read / Write?

yes and yes 

(52) Do You Like Your Music Loud?

depends on the mood 

(53) Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents?

carve pumpkins bc i suck at wrappign 

(54) Put Your Music On Shuffle, What Is The First Song That Came Up?

dunes by alabama shakes 

(55) What Season Are You In Right Now? (Weather)

winter baby

(56)What Are You Craving Right Now?

physical affection 

(57) Post A Screenshot Of Your Tumblr Feed.

no thx

(58) What Is Your Gender?

she / they 

(59) Coffee Or Tea?

i usually say i cant choose but i think we all know its coffee 

(60) Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About?

no im on break 

(61) What Is Your Sexuality?

gaey

(62) Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning?

no lol

(63) Favourite Pokemon?

eevee

(64) Favourite Social Media?

tungle 

(65) What’s Your Opinion On Instagram Stories?

gross but i use it anyways 

(66) Do You Get Homesick?

yes but only when im in my house ???????

(67) Are You A Virgin?

unfortunately 

(68) What Shampoo And Conditioner Are You Using Right Now?

some coconut shit 

(69) If You Were Far From Home And Needed To Sleep For The Night, Would You Choose To Rent A Crappy Motel Room For $60 Or Sleep In Your Car For Free?

motel room. not about to get murdered 

(70) Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life?

no dad is gon

(71)  Whats The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters?

whatever horror movie is next

(72) Do You Miss Your Ex?

lol no i can finally say that

(73) What Is Your Favourite Quote Right Now?

dont have one 

(74) What Eye Colour Do You Find Sexiest?

every girl ive had a crush on has had brown eyes so i guess i love brown eyes 

(75) Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set?

YES i fucking LOVE TO SWING 

(76) What Was The Last Thing You Ate?

gravy biscuit 

(77) What Games Do You Have On Your Phone?

none 

(78) Would You Give A Homeless Person CPR If They Were Dying? Why Or Why Not?

uhhhh yes ???? theyre dying??

(79) Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight?

i have before

(80) Stalked Someone On A Social Network?

bro who hasnt 

(81) Do You Like Meeting New People?

kind of i have social anxiety 

(82) Do You Wear Rings? If You Do, Take A Picture Of Them.

yes i do but im too lazy to take a pic 

(83) Do You Sleep With Your Bedroom Door Open Or Closed?

closed i need to be safe 

(84) What Are Three Things You Did Today?

worked with my mom, washed my hair, put on makuep 

(85) What Do You Wear To Bed?

big fat hoodie and shorts 

(86) List All Of Your Different Beauty Products You Have Right Now.

oh my god it would take housrs  i have so mcuh 

(87) Are You A Day Or Night Person?

night time 

(88) List All Of Your Video Games On Your Phone, Console Etc.

i have the xbox and i have a lot of CoD and we got minecraft and some football game 

(89) Tell Me About A Dream That You Had And When It Happened.

i had a dream about my krush like,, 3 months ago and we kissed in the sunset lol 

(90) Favourite Soda Drink?

disgusting. i love dr pepper tho 

(91) What Sounds Are Your Favourite?

thunder, crunchy slime, harry styles speaking

(92) Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More?

jeans 

(93) How Do You Look Right Now?

appropriately dressed and cleaned up for a job interview 

(94) Name Something That Relaxes You.

coffee 

(95) What Tattoo Do You Want?

“i love you” in my great gmas handwriting and either “all the love” or “girl almighty” in harrys handwriting 

(96) Favourite YouTuber?

frick idk i dont rly wathc youtube 

[fanfic-collection]

Loki x Reader: Swan Song - Ch 2

(This is where reader/you shows up) (this is not technically a happy fic, lots of death, just warning)

Sharpe sighed, stepping away from Natasha.

Her breathing came in short sharp breaths, tears streaming down her cheeks. She watched warily as Sharpe cleaned the thin blade off with a cloth before setting it down amongst the tray of instruments.

“As a child, I would sometimes rip the legs off spiders, just to watch them squirm helplessly. It was fascinating, I often wondered what their pleas would sound like.” Sharpe strolled around the room, hand sliding over the back of Natasha’s chair as he moved. “I imagine they would plead for me to stop. Don’t you think?” He glanced at her.

“You’re one sick bastard.” Natasha growled, though her voice was weak.

“I’m told as much.” He breathed in deeply before once more glancing down at his watch. “I think we’re done here.”

“What?” Natasha looked up warily.

Sharpe shrugged. “You bore me. The sounds you make are delightful, and watching you squirm is enticing, I’ll give you that, but you can’t sing like the bird.” He sighed, shaking his head sadly. “Oh well.” Then his face hardened and in a tone that one might discuss the weather he ordered, “Kill her.”

Turning and strolling lazily from the room, Sharpe didn’t bother looking back over his shoulder. The door slid shut once he was in the hall and Natasha was left tied to her chair.

She breathed in and out slowly, trying to calm her breathing, or at least draw her focus away from the pain but to no avail.

“So this is it boys?” She tried to straighten up in her seat but the pain was too much.

“Nothing personal, miss.”

“Wait!” The guard hesitated, “Please…” she whispered softly.

“I… I cant.”

Natasha lowered her voice and mumbled quietly.

“What?”

She mumbled again.

The guard slowly stepped towards her and bent down to listen better.

Summoning the last of her strength, Natasha head-butted the man, knocking him to the ground. As the other guard aimed to shoot, she heard gunfire and flinched.

Then she opened her eyes and realized the second guard was dead. Her heart skipped a beat and she looked up at the vents.

“Clint?”

Clint jumped down and ran to her, “Don’t worry Tasha, I got you.” He smiled as he deftly untied her.

“We have to get out of here. There’s too many.”

Clint nodded, “Agreed. I don’t know what we’re dealing with, but it’s not normal. C’mon.”

“How do we get out? There’s invisible walls.” She panted as she stood up, leaning heavily on Clint to catch her breath.

“I found an exit in the vents. Come on, let’s go.” Clint helped her in before squeezing past and leading the way out.

As she crawled, unease twisted knots in her stomach: this was too easy, there’s no way it could be this easy. Minutes passed and then they were outside.

Between the two spies’ abilities, they were able to fight their way to a garage and steal a vehicle. Then they were in a car and cruising away at top speed, desperate to get away from Sharpe and his building. They could call for backup. But for now, they just had to escape.

Natasha forced the doubt from her mind, none of that mattered, they just had to get away. Clint drove and she finally sank into sleep, exhausted after everything. Clint gently squeezed her knee before returning his focus to the road. They would make it. They would call in backup, and they would make it.

He watched as a distant city started to grow larger and larger. Clint’s heart soared with hope.

“Tasha, we got this… we-“

A red light flickered once and the vehicle erupted in flames, wrenching it apart.

Natasha was thrown from the car, tossed like a ragdoll before hitting the ground and rolling a few feet. The sound of sirens slowly filled the air and she slowly opened her eyes.

Everything was out of focus, sounds were distorted and flames… flames were everywhere.

“Clint.” She gasped. A strong breeze cut through the air, briefly clearing smoke from the car. “No…” Natasha breathed out as darkness engulfed her.

Still smiling in relief, sitting in the driver’s seat and staring lifelessly ahead was agent Clint Barton, codename Hawkeye.

A chunk of metal stood out of his chest as blood trickled down the side of his mouth.

Sharpe leaned against the rail separating the meeting style portion of the room from a series of computers all set to run a building of this size. Countless people diligently worked away at their computer stations, mindful of their boss’ ever watchful gaze.

“Sir,” Sharpe looked over at the guard who had spoken to him. “Agent Romanoff has escaped.”

“Alone?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

The guard shook his head, “No, Barton returned for her through the vents.”

Sharpe nodded, “I wasn’t particularly expecting that, but I’m certainly not surprised. I take it they stole a vehicle?”

The guard nodded. “We have a confirmation. Agent Barton is dead, Romanoff is still alive, we have reason to believe she’ll make it. The local rescue services picked her up.”

Sharpe frowned thoughtfully. “Yes, she will definitely live for now. I like the thought of seeing her again.” He nodded to himself, “One down, five to go.”

“How do you plan on getting rid of Thor? If I might ask…”

Sharpe smiled wickedly, “Thor?” A shimmer of green started to fade over him. “I’m sure I can think of something for my dear brother.” Sharpe’s hair slowly darkened and grew longer. His icy blue eyes glowed and returned to an emerald green.

In Sharpe’s place stood Loki, god of mischief.

“Mischief…” He breathed slowly, “No, that is mere child’s play. A toy I’ve well used and tossed aside. This. This is chaos. This world will succumb to me in flames.”

You strode into the room, coming to a stop beside Loki, your hand slid down his arm sensually before stopping and resting on his hand. You carefully stroked the back of it before leaning over and leaving a trail of kisses down his throat and jaw.

“When do we start, my love?” You whispered softly.

Loki turned towards you, his eyes darkened by lust as he slid a hand down your side, stopping to stroke circles on your hip. He leaned down and kissed you, lips moving in sync passionately before pulling away to catch his breath. “Perhaps a little later than sooner…” He growled. His other hand slid down your side and pulled you closer to him, “I think you and I have some business to attend to first.”

Loki rolled off you, onto his back beside you, still breathing heavily. You were still gasping, coming off your high and trying to calm yourself.

Your eyes finally drifted shut and you smiled as you spoke, “I missed you too.”

Loki laughed, his eyes also shut as he breathed in deeply. “Was it that obvious?”

You rolled onto your side, hooking your bare leg over his thigh and pulled yourself tight against him. Then you propped yourself up on your elbow while gently stroking his bare chest. “I can always read you like a book.”

Loki hummed at your touch before opening his green eyes to look at you lovingly. “Yes, I suppose so.”

“I also take it you need me now.” You pursed your lips. Acting as a temptress on behalf of Loki wasn’t always pleasant. The thrill of the game kept you at it and you knew how much it pleased your lover, and the devilish things he would do made it worth it; but all those still came at a cost.

Loki laced his fingers around yours and sighed, “I always need you my love.” He smiled, glancing up at you and pressing soft kisses to your hand.

You smirked before rolling onto his chest and staring down at him. You raised your eyebrows. “Yes, that’s true.” You gently kissed his lips. “Tell me.”

“The soldier.”

You hummed thoughtfully, tilting your head to the side, “Do you have any ideas?”

Loki closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead tiredly, “I’m working on it. For now I figured it best to simply get you close to him.”

“What of the beast?”

Loki gently stroked your shoulder, “He, I have plans for. Until Thor realizes I’m no longer in prison, I’ll leave those two alone.”

You bit your lip, “Do you think you’d let me break the famous Mr. Stark’s heart?”

Loki scowled. “I don’t want his filthy hands anywhere near you my precious dove.”

You softly kissed Loki’s jaw before slowly sliding your tongue down his throat and planting kisses on his chest. Loki moaned into your touch, arching his neck to be closer to you, then you pulled away. “I love the sounds you make.”

“You tempt me too much… I could lie here beside you and never leave.” Loki murmured.

Adjusting your position, you slid lower on his stomach to straddle his hips. Loki gazed up at you, trying to ignore your breasts hanging just above him as you tried to ignore the growing hardness in the cleft of your ass. “How will you possibly get a throne if we only do this?”

Loki grazed his hands up and down your sides before stopping at your hips and rubbing cool circles on them with his chilly fingers. “From this position, I have quite the view.” He chuckled.

You ground your hips down briefly, “You’re ready again?” You asked in mild disbelief.

Loki smirked, “You doubt my capabilities?” He slowly slid his hands along your things, gently stroking them.

You could see his internal struggle in his eyes, mirroring the one you felt. Lie here for a while longer or…

You bit your lip, “Just a quick one?”

Loki grinned and nodded, “I couldn’t have said it better myself.”

This time after you finished, you forced yourself to move away and wrap yourself in your robe. Your hips were sore and likely to bruise, and you felt weak, a dazed smile unable to leave your face.

“I’m going to shower.” Loki sat up slowly. “Alone.” You added forcefully, to which Loki only pouted. “When I’m done, have my look planned. I’m sure you can think of someone to attract the soldier with.”

Loki sighed, flopping back down onto his back and lacing his fingers behind his head. He closed his eyes and nodded. “Perhaps you can look like that one woman he used to care for.” Loki murmured tiredly.

“Carter? Something Carter?” You asked as you slowly stood up.

Loki nodded, “Yes, that one.” He opened his eyes to gaze at you again. “You won’t be as beautiful as you are now, but if we play on any sentimental feelings he has buried for her…” Loki trailed off.

You nodded thoughtfully before bending over and kissing him once more. Then you turned and made sure to make a show of swaying your hips as you strolled into the bathroom.

“Don’t tempt me too much,” You heard Loki’s growl from the other side of the door, “or I’ll come in after you.”

You simply laughed before stepping into the shower. If you had locked the door, he would have teleported in anyway. And if you had pointed it out, he would have taken it as a challenge, best to stop your teasing where it was.

You finished your shower and got out, dripping wet, before tightly wrapping a towel around yourself and returning to the bedroom. Loki was snoring softly.

“Hello lover.”

His eyes flickered open and with a wave of his hand, you felt a familiar prickling sensation rolling over your skin. Loki scowled but nodded his approval.

You glanced back in the mirror and saw that your features had melded into someone quite different. You bore a strong resemblance to Peggy Carter, but still managed to look like someone completely different. Loki had done quite well with this spell.

You were similar enough to call the agent to mind, but not too similar to cause confusion or suspicion. You needed Steve Rogers’ instinctual trust of looking like his old friend, but not suspicion of being a complete twin.

“Fantastic.” You smiled.

Loki shrugged, “The magic yes, but the appearance no. I suppose knowing that you look like this will make the distasteful nature of your work more bearable. He won’t gaze on what is truly and rightfully mine.”

“Yes, well, I saw you cozying up awfully close to that Romanoff bitch.” You muttered as you got dressed. “The street is two way.”

Loki smirked again, “I’m glad to know I can still make you jealous.” He teased.

“Careful that I don’t try and stick a blade between her ribs myself.”

Loki wrapped the sheet around his waist before coming over and hugging you from behind. “Patience love, you can take your anger out soon enough, but I want her alive for now. And I really need you to do this.”

You smiled softly and gently stroked his arms. “Only because I love you.”

“There will be a cover story by the time you get to New York and your apartment. Do be safe.” Loki kissed your cheek, his stomach churning in dislike at your foreign features.

“You too, my king, we shall get you a throne soon enough.” You turned and walked out of the room, knowing better than to look back.

Loki nodded in satisfaction as he watched you go, though jealousy coiled knots within himself. “And you shall be beside me, my queen.”

#Loki x reader #multi chapter

[thisismytransition-mason]

Their story doesn't have to be like mine

I was thirteen when I first started cutting myself, and fourteen when I started having suicidal thoughts, just a year or so older than my niece who will turn thirteen later this year. I look at her and I can’t imagine her having to bear that weight. I cant think of why any thirteen year old would have those kinds of thoughts, much less act on them. Young teenagers should be thinking about video games, sports, friends, school, dinner and even their attractions to other kids their age. They shouldn’t be uncontrolablly crying at three in the morning, trying to catch their breath hoping no one hears them sobbing. They shouldn’t be hiding razors under their bed, so that when no one is home they can cut the sadness out of their veins, and count how many pills are in a bottle, wondering just how many they’d have to swallow to make it all go away. Nobody should have to carry that weight on their shoulders, especially kids. I had a lot happen to me in the fourteen or so years before I began my insistent self destruction. I had been abandoned by my father, abused by my mother, and neglected by anyone I tried to tell my sadness to. I was always told just to be happy, and to give my worries to god, but I have hundreds of pages of written prayers to god and none of them stopped the sadness, in fact it just made me feel worse. It made me feel guilty for being in so much pain, I knew I was desecrating the temple of god (my body) but I couldn’t stop. So even god neglected my cries for help. When I finally told someone that I contemplated killing myself over and over again, they reached out to my mom. All I remember is that she was mad, she told me how selfish suicide was and that people who committed suicide went to hell. She also forced me to go to a funeral of someone who had passed away in our church to show me what death did to families. She yelled at me for cutting myself and told me if I wanted attention that I should have just “sliced and diced” myself in places where everyone could see instead of trying to hide it. When my school counselor suggested I see a school therapist my mom denied the offer because we don’t need psychology, therapists, or even medications, we just need god and prayer. So instead of sending me to someone who could help, she set me up with church member who dicipled youth group kids, which is just a fancy way of saying someone who does one on one bible studies with you. This lady also told me suicide was selfish and I just needed to pray when I felt like cutting. After a month of discipleship I faked being better and stopped meeting with her, though I continued to cut. A year or so later a very close friend of mine and I sat down and tried to explain, once again, to my mom what I was going through, especially at night when I couldn’t sleep and would stay up crying so hard I couldn’t breathe. This time she took it a little more seriously and asked the head counselor at the church about what was going on with me. Without seeing me, or talking to me, she concluded that I was having night terrors and assured my mom that I would grow out of them, which to this day I never have. For the next few years I believed I was having night terrors and that they would eventually just go away. I also tried to refrain from cutting, like it was just a bad habit, like you refrain from desserts on I diet. I failed at stopping, but got better at hiding it. It wasn’t until I was in college, studying psychology, that I realized I was not having night terrors at all, I was having full blown, severe, anxiety attacks, and I wasn’t just sad I was suffering from major depression. I was sick. I needed professional help. And maybe if I would have gotten the actually mental health care I begged for, maybe my current mental health would be in much better condition. Sometimes I feel angry about this and sad. I mourn for the younger version of myself, wishing that things could have been different for me, wishing that this kid I used to be didn’t have to carry around razors in their backpack and count pain pills when no one was looking. It wasn’t until just recently that I realized how young I really was and how tragic it all could have been if I had actually swallowed those pills. I don’t blame my mom for not getting me the right kind of help, she did what she thought was best for me at the time. I’ve forgiven her for the things that she said to me in those moments, though the remnence of that pain still lingers, I think it always will. Just because it was the best my mom could do for me at the time does not mean that it was right. These things can be prevented in future cases that are similar to mine. Psychology, therapy, and sometimes medication is absolutely necessary, and to refuse a child proper treatment, especially when they ask for it, and make them feel guilty for how they feel is nothing short of emotional abuse and neglect. Kids shouldn’t have to feel this way, but when they do they shouldn’t have to fight it on their own. Please don’t replace actual science and medicine with prayers and notions that happiness is something you choose, those things can help with bad days and circumstantial events, but when it comes down to a chronic depression and anxiety they just don’t work.

My mom gave me the nickname eyore (the sad donkey from Winnie the pooh), she noticed I slept way too much, and she read my journals. She knew I was sad but passed it off as me being a moody teenager and even made it into I joke at times. She didn’t know the difference between moody teenager and symptoms of depression and anxiety. Please make yourself aware of the symptoms and educate yourselves, even if your not a parent, its important to know for anyone you care about. I decided not to dump pills down my throat, but not everyone faced with that decision will chose my path. I had friends, a school counselor, and teachers who really cared about me and kept an eye on me, not every kid will have that. But every kid has some adult in their life who can be that for them, make sure you are available and educated enough to be that adult for them. Depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts are real illnesses, that deserve real treatment.

#anxitey #depresssion #awareness #mental health #psychology #sad kids #please read #please reblog #therapy #so important

[avasilvugh]

parents supercorp hc: lena is enamored by her child like it takes up so much of her time when she really lets herself think about how there is so much love she can feel for someone and so much love she receives back

HONESTLY THO 

with the first pregnancy, with finn, lena’s happy, she is but she’s kind of terrified??  bc kara’s so excited and she has fears too, but she’s so ready for this baby?? ?  so ready, she’s got lists of names and has been spending a lot of time poring over every detail she remembers from krypton, asking alura’s hologram question after question in order to make sure she has all the customs right, that remembers everything correctly in order to welcome their child into the world they way any child of krypton would be.  but lena doesn’t—its not that she doesnt want the baby??  its not that at all.  she cant think of anything better than another piece of kara out in the world, can’t think of anything better than the painfully bright smile kara had when the test came back positive, so bright it felt like it was tearing lena apart

the root of the problem is this: lena wouldnt know a healthy family dynamic if it hit her in the face.  like she sees the danvers, she sees kara’s little ragtag family of superfriends, but when you’re not raised in an environment like that???  its hard to think that you can ever create an environment like that for your own kid, god knows i struggle with that.  she knows kara’s going to be operating at like a fifteen.  she’s pretty sure she’ll be lucky if she can manage a seven, maybe.  she keeps thinking about how her therapist characterized her childhood as one of disorganized attachment, that she never had any one nanny very long bc lillian would see them beginning to bond and would fire them, that her only real connection was lex, lionel sometimes, and they both left her too.  god, how is she going to do this?

kara says the pregnancy drags on, that she can’t wait until their little person is here but lena thinks it goes by so fast, her body changing faster than she can track, their apartment filling with cribs and toys and little onesies and sleepsacks quickly, so quickly and then she’s about two days overdue and she wakes up with twinges but refuses to admit it, tells kara it’s braxton hicks again, she’s sure

she’s been working from home for the last several weeks and kara’s been keeping closer, been using her stacked vacation days before her maternity leave goes into effect (bc catco sure as shit offers paid leave to both parents!!!!  u think cat grant wouldnt do that shit?????) 

lena cries when her water breaks.  full on tears.  kara thought for a second that its because its a big thing, you know??  she’s a little close to tears too, but lena keeps crying after the initial shock should have worn off and she’s like lena??  honey??

and lena isnt making a lot of sense but the biggest thing kara gets is its too early, we’re not ready, it’s too early

sweetheart, the nursery is completely set up, we have clothes and toys and that nursing pillow, we’re ready, you’re overdue!

i’m not ready

and oh, kara’s not sure what to do with that bc this is something that needs to be talked about but lena’s also contracting everything three minutes and kara’s not sure she can drive her fast enough 

lena’s screaming through the whole thing, screaming and crying and begging for this baby to stay, don’t move, i’m not ready for you and kara’s heart is breaking and she wants to help her, wants to make this better for her but there’s no stopping this and lena knows it too, bears down with all the strength she has and kara thinks that if her hand could break, her wife would have broken it by now but then

well.  then their son is crying too

kara cuts the cord, looks up at lena with wide wet eyes and breathes lee, he’s beautiful and lena’s still crying, but when the doctor lifts up their son she reaches for him and it is immediate, no stopping it, she takes one look at his little face and she’s done, she in this, and there isn’t a single doubt in lena’s mind that she would rather watch the entire world burn than ever let him down, ever let him doubt her love

kara’s afraid to hold finn for a while (that’s a story for a different post tho) and while lena’s hurting for her, wishes she wasn’t as afraid, she’s selfishly so pleased bc it means she gets to hold finn all the time.  she gets to just???  be with her son?????  she didn’t think her heart could get any bigger, thought that kara had expanded it as much as it could grow but then finn stretches or grabs hold of lena’s finger or necklace or makes those soft sleepy little baby noises and she’s p sure her heart doubles in size again and again.  she can’t put it into words???  she’s not even sure if she wants to, bc it feels too much, too big for words.  she feels so warm and full and finn falls asleep nursing sometimes, falls asleep with his eyes trained on lena and her heart shatters in the best way, bursts open and reforms again and again

she brings him to work with her a lot bc while she’s itching to go back to her office, she also feels a lil sick at the thought of not being right there with him.  investors and board members sort of have to just learn to expect the ceo of a fortune 500 company to come to meetings with her baby strapped to her chest, learn to speak quietly bc she has no qualms abt shutting a meeting down if finn gets woken

ultimate mama bear mode activated

gOD she spends like A Lot of time just......marveling at their son??  in awe of how full her heart feels, how quickly her entire world has rearranged around this little thing (not that little tbh......finn is a Hearty baby, all roly poly double chin)  like.  it’s wild.  she can’t believe it, cant believe that she once was so certain she would be alone forever, that the luthor name would hold her down, press her into the river bottom until she drowned.  but now???  now she’s lena luthor only professionally, now she signs her legal documents lena danvers, now her entire world has narrowed to two wonderful, golden beings, to kara’s smile and finn’s laugh, to the family that welcomed her and embraced her

AND THEN MAIA COMES ALONG and its the same but its so different bc lena sort of knows what to expect????  but it hits her a little differently, no baby is the same, and its not lost on her that now she has a daughter and with the relationship she had with lillian, it’s a Big Thing.  she’s relaxed into motherhood with finn, gotten into a rhythm and somewhat managed to reign in her constant world stopping awe at how much she loves her kid, but maia is so different, has a completely different personality and she never falls asleep nursing, isn’t as mesmerized by lena’s necklaces, but she falls asleep tucked into the crook of lena’s arm and likes to play with lena’s fingers and she makes it so easy for lena to feel confident, so easy for her to feel like she’s doing well.  

maia smiles early, freely, laughs often and likes it when lena dances around the kitchen with her so she does it nearly every day, finds it so easy to split her time between maia and finn, finds her love growing every day and sometimes??  she just has to call out for the day bc she just wants to spend the day with her family????  wild right/????

she and kara turn into Those Moms that always have at least two hundred photos of their kids on their phones at any given moment.  somehow they are always photos none of the superfriends have seen before

alex isnt sure how they manage it like there is only so much time in the day

AND THEN LITTLE STELLA??  she’s so wildly different from her siblings, so so tiny and lena thought it would be different because of how stella came to them, that maybe lena would have more issues to work through bc stella was orphaned and that, in of itself, makes her confront her own issues but nope, not at all

kara flies into her office, still dressed as supergirl even though her cape is a little bundle in her arms, and she’s got a look on her face that makes lena put down the contract she was looking over and get up, go to meet her halfway and when lena looks down, she gets the look on kara’s face, knows then that kara’s already just as in love with this little thing as she is with finn and maia, and she looks down and falls just as in love as well.  the little baby in kara’s arms is so tiny compared to finn, compared to maia, tiny and delicate and she’s sleeping until lena steps closer, little eyes blinking open and lena knows the facts, knows that babies this young can’t focus their eyes (and god she’s young, kara tells lena she’s only a few hours old, at most), but this little baby is looking up at her and lena knows that this baby is her baby, as much as finn or maia are hers

god lena didnt know her heart could grow any more.  she thought she’d have burned out by now???  she didn’t think anything could be this renewable, this expandable, but her heart is overflowing and lena knows she’d bring her children the stars if they asked.  stella stays much smaller, worries her mothers for months until she finally starts putting on weight, and the worry never goes away but it fades bc lena gets to see her children together, gets to discover this new level of pride and love when she sees maia helping stella turn on the faucet when they’re told to wash their hands before dinner, when she catches stella slipping into finn’s room when lena’s just left after he’s had a nightmare, when she watches finn tuck a blanket around his sisters when they fall asleep during family movie night

AND THEY LOVE HER SO FREELY lena can’t believe it, can hardly stand it.  they love her so so much, lena doesnt think she deserves it.  like???  she still fucks up, she’s not the perfect mother by any means, but they all know she’s the perfect mother for them.  what other human could love them so fully?  what other person could so easily adapt to their unique challenges and needs?  what other mother (besides kara, obviously) could handle their temper tantrums and shitty behavior with so much patience and calm?  

god the kiddos love lena.  they rlly rlly do.  she is so so careful with each of them, careful in different ways, the best ways.  like???  they all know they won the parental lottery, her and kara bring their a game each and every day and sometimes the kids get bratty, bc theyre kids u know??  but they never forget that their mothers are the best

and they know a little bit about lena’s childhood, know that lillian was never loving, kind, patient.  that she never sat up with lena when she had a nightmare or put her hair in plaits with gentle hands.  that she never tucked her in at night or came to every recital or play or game, or sat on the bathroom floor when they were sick or helped pack their bag for a sleepover.  that she never cared for lena the way lena cares for them

they’re all p good abt being vocal with their love for lena, but stella is the best at it (solely bc she can tell when lena’s having a Bad Day, knows when she needs to be a little louder).  she usually catches maia and finn up to speed, usually ropes them into helping her make a card or pool their money to get her one of those cheesy #1 Mom mugs from hallmark (kara has several variations of SuperMom) or sometimes they rope kara into helping them cook dinner for lena

THIS WAS A V LONG WAY OF SAYING THAT LENA IS SO SOFT WHEN IT COMES TO HER FAMILY, SO SOFT WHEN IT COMES TO HER CHILDREN.  GOD SHE WOULD DIE FOR THEM IN A HEARTBEAT.  SHE WOULD BURN THE WORLD FOR THEM BUT GOOD GOD THEY FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT HER

#ASK ME ABT KARA NEXT PLS I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS #supercorp #supergirl #lena luthor #kara danvers #superbabies #anonymous #human interaction

[boop-bri]

Wedding Day

Written By Admin Hobicat

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 1,781

Not Requested

AN: An old Tae wedding fic I did for Admin Royaltae when she was a Tae stan (I still lowkey think she is, but she wont admit it lol). I edited it to be more xreader. Enjoy.

Today is the day. The most important day of my entire life. Today is my wedding day and i’m getting married to none other than the goof ball himself, Kim Taehyung. Looking back on our relationship now sometimes I wonder why I even stayed with him this long, but then I remember how great things have been since we first started dating. Being with Taehyung was like being with a puppy. A loud, hyperactive puppy that you couldn’t help but love. No matter what happened he was always there for me.

That’s why I loved him more than anything in the world. Taehyung lit up my life and I couldn’t even imagine a day without him now. Glancing at my reflection in the mirror I couldn’t help but feel in awe at the woman reflecting back at me. Hair done into soft curls, light makeup covering her face while her white sleeveless dress clung to her like a second skin. I felt beautiful.

“(Y/N) are you ready?” Cherry called from outside the room. Taking a deep breath I glanced at my reflection one last time and smiled.

“I’m ready.” Holding up the front of the dress I walked over to open the door. Cherry, along with the rest of my bridesmaids, stood waiting for me with big smiles on their faces.

“Taehyung is going to die when he sees you in that dress.” Cherry said.

“He’s going to die when he sees you out of that dress.” Briana said with a chuckle and a smirk. I rolled my eyes but couldn’t help the blush that spread across my face as I thought about the honeymoon.

“Alright come on guys enough teasing (Y/N). We have a wedding to start.” Anissa said, placing her hands on my shoulders and pushing me to start walking.

Standing before the double doors that led to Taehyung was making my heart begin to race again. Was I really ready for this? To be tied to him, hopefully, forever? To completely give myself over to him? When the doors opened, my eyes immediately focused on Taehyung standing at the end of the altar waiting for me and then I knew. I knew that I was ready for this. To love him forever.

Time seemed to slow down as I walked down the aisle. My eyes not once leaving his. Had he always been this handsome? Was his smile always that breath taking? Maybe it was because I was about to get married to my soul mate, but I don’t think I’ve ever felt so happy before. The nervousness I felt earlier was disappearing the closer I got to the alter.

Finally I stood before Taehyung, who smiled down at me with nothing but love shinning in his eyes. Gripping the bouquet tighter I willed myself to not jump him right there. He just looked so angelic it was hard not to control myself.

“I believe the bride and groom have written their own vows.” Time had flew by and before I knew it it was time to read our vows. Taehyung, who hadn’t stopped smiling, stared down at me and took a hold of my hands.

“(Y/N) I want to thank you. For loving me despite all my weirdness and craziness. Despite the fact that my idol life keeps us from being together every day. Despite the fact that you went through so much to be with me. Thank you so much for sticking by me through everything. For supporting me in everything I do and knowing exactly how to make me feel better when i’m down. I love you more than words can explain. I can’t imagine my life without you now. You’re my heart and my soul. I hope you can continue to love me forever just as I will love you forever. I love you (Y/N).” Tears threatened to spill from my eyes at Taehyungs words. Holding them at bay I squeezed his hands and smiled up at him.

“Taehyung I love everything about you. I love how you always bring a smile to my face. I love how I don’t even have to tell you i’m having a bad day, you just know and always manage to cheer me up. I love your weirdness and how crazy you are. It’s what makes you, you. I love how you’re not only my soulmate but my best friend. Someone who I can always talk to no matter what. I’ll always support you and be by your side through it all. Whenever you need me i’ll be there for you. I love you so much Taehyung it hurts me sometimes, but I don’t mind at all. I’ll never leave you Tae. I couldn’t if I tried. I love you Tae-Tae.” The tears I held back were flowing freely now and I couldn’t seem to stop them. I wasn’t the only one crying, tears also ran down Taehyungs face.

“Taehyung, do you take (Y/N) to be your wife? Do you promise to be true to her in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love her and honor her all the days of your life?”

“I do.” Taking the ring Taehyung held my hand closer to him and slid the ring on my finger. The weight of the ring on my finger made my heart soar.

“(Y/N), do you take Taehyung to be your husband? Do you promise to be true to him in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love him and honor him all the days of your life?”

“I do.” Moving his hand closer to me I slid the ring on his finger and smiled up at him.

“By the power vested in me I now pronounce you two husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.” All our friends and family began to clap, Taes friends letting out loud cheers when he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me into him. Placing his hand under my chin he tilted my head up and while looking straight into my eyes kissed me. Tae and I had kissed plenty of times but this time was different.

My heart beat so fast I was sure I was going to have a heart attack. My skin felt on fire as he turned his head to the side to deepen the kiss, nipping his teeth against my lip. Shivering I clenched his suit jacket and pulled him closer to me. Time seemed to last forever while we kissed. Slowly Taehyung pulled away from me, a smile making its way onto his face yet again.

Everything moved by quickly after that. We all moved from the church into the venue where the wedding reception took place. I couldn’t help but gasp at the sight of the reception hall. It looked exactly as I had pictured it. Everything decorated in the most beautiful way. The wedding planner couldn’t have done a better job. Taehyung, with his hand on my back, led me to the middle of the floor as the lights dimmed and a familiar song started to play.

My eyes widened when I heard Heaven playing. Looking at Tae he held his hand out to me, the ring sparkling under the light. Taking his hand he pulled me against him, one of his arms wrapping around my waist. Placing my free hand on his shoulder we began to move to the beat. Tae let go of my other hand, placing it around my waist and leaning his head down to my ear.

“Whenever I listen to this song I cant help but to think of you. So I figured why not sing it to you.”  When he began to sing along to the song I thought my heart would beat out of my chest. His voice was so perfect, always perfect. As he continued to sing to me all I could think about was how lucky I was. To be marrying the love of my life after all these years.

The slow dance between Taehyung and I left me feeling bittersweet over how quickly it seemed to end. On one hand I was happy to finally sit down but on the other I just wanted to continue to dance with him for the rest of the night. To be wrapped up in his embrace while he sang to me.

“I know you want to sit down love, but you still have to toss the bouquet.” He told me when I started to walk towards our seats.

“Oh yeah. Almost forgot. I wonder who’s going to catch it. Cherry’s been mentioning that she thinks it’s time for her and Yoongi to settle down.” Taehyung chuckled a little while leading me a few feet from my bridesmaids.

“I don’t know if Yoongi is ready for that, but who knows. He might be.” Standing beside me Taehyung turned me around so my back faced the girls.

“Y’all ready?!” I yelled. They all screamed back at me and with one big toss I let the bouquet fly behind me. Quickly turning around I noticed the bouquet seemed to be going straight for Cherry. Glancing at Yoongi I saw him looking at the flowers closely, like he was trying to make them change direction with his mind. At the last minute I turned my head back to see the flowers land in Briana’s hands instead of Cherry’s.

Everyone cheered while Briana stood there frozen in shock at the turn of events. Taking a quick look at Hoseok I immediately noticed the giant smile making its way across his face. Looks like they’re going to be having a talk later. Walking over to Briana I placed my hands on her still frozen shoulders. She jumped a little and looked at me with wide eyes.

“Congrats Briana. Maybe you’ll get married next.” The blush that spread across her cheeks made me want to laugh so bad, but I held it in. Patting her shoulders I walked back over to Taehyung who helped me to my seat. Sitting down beside me I felt him putting his arm around my shoulders, pulling closer to him.

“I love you Mr. Kim.” I said while kissing the side of his cheek. He chuckled when I laid my head on his chest, him laying his chin on the top of my head.

“I love you too Mrs. Kim. Finally I can call you my beautiful wife.” With that Taehyung tilted my face up to place a soft kiss on my lips. Everything seemed to disappear as his lips stayed on mine.

Mr and Mrs Kim. I could definitely get used to this.

#kim taehyung #taehyung scenarios #taehyung fluff #taehyung smut #bts scenatios #bts fluff #bts smut #kpop scenarios #kpop fluff #kpop smut #admin hobicat #masterlist

[deadgwen]

IT IS A HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO THE BEST GOAT

@fucshias  @jiilys  MY LOVE GOATY. MY MOST BEAUTIFUL GOAT. MY SUN. MY STARS. MY BEAUTIFUL HOOVED CREATURE OF GOD. I HAVE ARRIVED TO SAY SOME IMPORTANT THINGS BUT FIRSTLY I LOVE YOU I LOVE I LOVE YOU U R READING THIS POST RIGHT NOW DUE TO A VERY IMPORTANT REASON AND THIS IMPORTANT REASON IS THAT

*CHOKES BACK TEARS*

IT IS UR BIRTHDAY.

*SCREAMING*

OK OKI DOKI BEFORE I START: I AM NOT ACTUALLY HERE BUT DO NOT BE D I S E N H E AR T E N E D BC I JUST DONT HAVE WIFI BUT I PROMISE U SOMEWHERE OUT THERE I AM SULKING AND FIGHTING A WALL AND ALSO SETTING OFF FIREWORKS BC !!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS UR FUCKING DAY AND IM SORRY I COULD NOT WISH U BUT I LOVE U SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH I AM HERE W/ U IN SPIRIT

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT TURN THE FUCK UP HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY TO MY LOVE HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U UR EXCELLENT AND I LOVE YOU AND ALSO WHAT THE FUCK BINCH HOW ARE U SEVENTEEN TODAY U ASSHOLE (COPYRIGHT U KNOW WHO) WHO ALLOWED U TO BE LIKE THIS AND ALSO I LOVE YOU. AND ALSO I CANT BELIEVE UVE DONE THIS. UR LITERALLY SEVENTEEN TODAY I AM NOT ALRIGHT AND I NEED U TO HOLD ME BECAUSE I AM GOING TO COME OVER AND FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF BEING A DRAMATIC BITCH I WILL FAINT IN UR ARMS I AM 100% NOT ALRIGHT

like,,,, HONESTLY u are so. fucking. great. WHERE DO I EVEN START. 

FIRST AND FOREMOST I WANNA SAY I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED FOR THIS FOR UR BDAY I LOVE YOU GOATY I AM SO PUMPED THAT UR SO OLD ITS RIDICULOUS @ ME FUCK OFF ALRIGHT BUT. JUST. I LOVE I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY U GOAT UR BEYOND INCREDIBLE

UR OFFICIALLY A DANCING QUEEN UR YOUNG AND SWEET. ONLY. *SMASHES OPEN MY WINDOW AT 12 MIDNIGHT* SEVENTEEEEEEEEEEEEEN

SO OH MY GOD. I AM CURRENTLY YELLING BECAUSE??????????? LIKE???????????????? YOU'RE SEVENTEEN??????? HOW DID WE EVEN COME TO THIS POINT ITS INSANE LIKE HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU SEVENTEEN WE'RE ALL JUST STILL TINY SMOLS WHERE ARE U GOING WHY ARE U GROWING OLDER STOP IT PLS ALRITE I DO NOT LIKE. MY PRECIOUS GOAT SUNSHINE WHO IS A PROFESSIONAL PAJAMA CONSULTANT A REAL SOLID BUSINESSWOMAN WHO DRIVES AND SHIT AND COULD PROBABLY RUN ME OVER AND IS 6'3 SO IF U WOULD SIT ON ME I WOULD MOST CERTAINLY DIE UR OFFICIALLY A DANCING QUEEN AND I AM CRYING

but in all seriousness I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU i am FOREVER AND EVER glad that i met u LIKE I FUCKIN HATE U GODMDAN FUCKIBG GOAT MAKING ME REBLOG THIGNS FUCK YUO FUCK O FF but like????? apart from that UR FUCKING BEYOND FABULOUS and i have decided to compile a list of reasons why u are unbelievably great and have earned ur title of being a dancing queen/brilliant goat/actual love of my life. bc u are excellent. AND IT MUST BE WRITTEN OUT HERE SOMEWHERE THAT I LOVE YOU. 

OK OK OK SO HERE WE GO BINCHES. PREPARE URSELF. THIS IS GONNA BE SUPER LENGTHY BECAUSE I LOVE YOU A LOT AND I AM GONNA DO A 'ON THE JELLICOE ROAD' WORTHY REVIEW OF U BUT LIKE A SHITTIER VERSION SO U BETTER FUNKIN BUCKLE UP BITCH

LEZGO:

IS OBVIOSULY FABULOUS

IS A REAL LIFE GIRAFFE 

WE ARE BLESSED TO HAVE ONE ROAM OUT OF CAPTIVITY LIKE............. WE ARE STRONGLY BLESSED

I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH

CLAIMS TO HAVE 'barely any leg but a huge torso' and interpret this how u want bUT i just wanna say u r the most fucked up giraffe ever ok what the fuck WHO HURT YOU

apparently dis binch owns a bunny AND NEVER TOLD ME SHE DID

owns a problematic rabbit bc it pees everywhere

said problematic rabbit likes to pee everywhere so much its ridiculous it has no respect for the value of items of modern society and thus in my opinion should be sent to COURT

@ rabbit U NASTY OK PLS GET UR PRIORITIES SORTED???? THIS HAS BEEN A MOTHERFUCKING PSA THANK U (CAROLINE I AM TRUSTING YOU TO SHOW THIS ON UR PHONE TO THE GODDAMN BUNNY I NEED IT TO KNOW)

is 100% excellent at looking after drunk people ALRITE literally THIS WOMAN IS A SAINT who has saved REAL LIVES tbh where would that poor child from your old intermediate be if u hadn't SAVED HIS ENTIRE LIFE from all that tequila he would DEAD thats fuKCIN RIGHT U DESERVE ALL THE MEDALS A TRUE HERO AMONG NEW ZEALANDERS. A NATIONAL ICON. SO BRAVE I AM SO PROUD I LOVE YOU ALWAYS

AND ALSO PULLING DRUNK MAKING OUT PEOPLE OFF EACH OTHER I JUST WANT U TO KNOW THAT UR EFFORTS ARE SO VERY RECOGNIZED BECAUSE ONE TIME I DID THAT AND I GOT PUNCHED IN THE THROAT I THOUGHT I DIED BECAUSE I SAW JESUS BUT IT WASNT ACTUALLY JESUS IT WAS JUST A POSTER TAPED TO A FRIDGE I WAS SCAMMED

her own mum has called the police on her and was 100% ready for some quality fun family jailtime

ALSO ONE TIME GOATY ACCIDENTALLY FUCKED UP SOMEONES REAR MIRROR AND THE VICTIMS OF THE INCIDENT DID NOT GIVE HALF A FUCK HOWEVER, HER MOTHER GOATY REPORTED SEVERAL FUCKS TO THE POLICE AND FILED AN ACCIDENT REPORT AND THAT WAS THE DAY MY GOATY BECAME A DARK CRIMINAL

*OMINOUS MUSIC*

I AM STILL WAITING FOR THE DAY I WALK MY BUTT INTO COURT AGAINST UR MUM COVERED HEAD TO ASS IN $3 PLASTIC BRACELETS BACKED BY UR UNEXPECTEDLY KLEPTOMANIAC SISTER AND A BASKET OF STOLEN WOMANS DAYS AND ALONG WITH BLING BLING JIMMY WE WILL RESTORE THE RIGHTEOUSNESS AND LACK OF CONSCIENCE ON THIS LOVELY EARTH

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ENOUGHT ABOUT UR MUM LIKE ACTUALLY ALL UR FAMILY MEMBERS ARE DIFFERENT LEVELS OF WILD AND..... I AM AFRAID

OK OK IT MUST BE SAID CAROLINE HAS THE MOST AMAIZNG VOICE ????? EVER

like i love her voice sm SO FUCKING MUCH I TELL U i have never heard anything like it and i want caroline to like read me books for hours AND HOURS AND NARRATE MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE because i love how unusually deep and shadowy her voice sounds like deep flowing river water or smth like i LOVE IT SO MUCH it. Is.So. Strange BUT I LOVE IT IT IS THE COOLEST GODDAMN THING THROW A BUCKET AT ME I LOVE YOU

HAS A VIDEO OF HERSELF DOING THE ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE AND I KNOW I HAVE PRAISED IT FOR TWO YEARS IN A ROW ALREADY LIKE @ ME PLZ CHILL BUT i will not i will NEVER it is solid entertainment a+++ QUALITY I AM LAUGHIGN IM LAUGHING I AM LAUGHING FOREVER those beautiful hops of pain across ur backyard ARE THE LAST THINGS I WANT TO SEE BEFORE GOD TAKES ME FROM THIS EARTH

WRONGFULLY FRAMED ME FOR HAVING SHIT DICK TENDENCIES AND THEN YELLED AT ME AND CALLED ME A GARAGE WHAT A BINCH I AM IN LOVE

loves yellow flowers AND ALL THE FLOWERS AND HEAVY ROSES AND IS A FULL OUT FLOWER HOE

IS DESPICABLE TEEN WOLF GARBAGE LIKE.... ive been scrolling through our fanmails AND MY HEART HUR T S G O A T Y hOld mE we were sO Y O U N  G and like no lie i shit u not 80% oF THE FUCKING MESSAGES ARE U YELLING 'STYDIA IS GONNA HAPPEN THIS SEASON' AND 'OH MY GOD DID U SEE THAT STYDIA SCENE' AND DECLARATIONS OF LOVE FOR LYDIA MARTIN AND THE OTHER 20% IS U ASKIN ME IF IVE SEEN THE NEW TEEN WOLF I LOVE IT I LOVE YOU I AM SORRY TEEN WOLF KEEPS DISAPPOINTING US BOTH BUT STDYIA IS. DEFINIETELY. GONNA. HAPPEN. THIS. SEASON. IT HAS TO OR I WILL FUKIN FITE ALRIGHT GIVE US STYDIA OR GIVE US DEATH I LOVE UR TEEN WOLF LOVIBG ASS

anyway caroline is an utterly excellent person

if u were an ncea paper i would grade u with excellence

*FINGER GUNS*

like ?????deals with my stupid yelling ALL THE TIME

whenever i had a problem and went to my goaty she was so very understanding and patient AND DID NOT CALL ME A DUMBASS WHEN I DESERVED TO BE DECKED

TOLD ME THE TRU DEFINTION OF THE PHRASE 'SHOT'

TWO YEARS OF UTTER CONFUSION. ERASED FROM MY LIFE. PERMANENTLY.

MY SKIN?? CLEARED . MY FUTURE BILLS ??? PAID MY HUSBAND MARRIED MY STATUE FOR CAROLINE FULLY ERECTED

ok but like i can never say this enough goaty IS SO NICE TO TALK TO PLETAHE TALK TO ME FORVER SHE IS FABULOUS??? it blows my mind constantly that someone this incredible and special walks along this earth NONE OF US DESERVE THE GOAT

also ???? WHAT IN THE FUCK HOW HAVE I NOT MENTIONED THIS YET CAROLINE IS THE BEST WRITER I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE SHE IS SO TALENTED EVERY TIME I READ ONE OF HER FICS I END UP THINKING ABOUT IT AFTERWARDS FOR 958495894 YEARS ALRIGHT THEY FUCK ME UP THEY WAY SHE HANDLES WORDS FUCKS ME UP HOW CAN YOUT TAKE FUCKING LETTERS AND THEN SHOVE THEM UP MY ASS LIKE THIS I AM NOT ALRIGHT I AM NOT ALRIGHT I AM NOT ALRIGHT I am Not Strong Enough For This

i am not even kidding ok THE WAY U HANDLE WORDS IS IN.FUCKING.CREDIBLE whenever u use them its like?? u turned them into something precious and all your writing have this feel to it like as if im holding a delicate bouqet of a thousand yellow flowers like im holding a butterfly in my hands like im holding a box of eggs and i am scared shitless to drop it bC MY DAD WILL PERSONALLY CRUCIFY ME

I AM AWFUL AT DESCRIPTIONS BUT I HOPE U SEE WHAT I MEAN. LIKE. IT IS SO *SCREAMS* MINBLOWING DECK ME WITH ALL UR WORDS EVER

I AM ONE HUNDRED FUCKING PERCENT NEVER OKAY WITH ANYTHING YOU WRITE IT HURTS SO GOOD AND I LOVE IT

ok ok this hoe right here has written THREE fics with a dedication for me at the beginning and like.............. ..... do u ever just cri

i have 'the glorious everywhere' printed out and FUCKING PINNED TO MY WALL WHERE I CAN SEE IT FROM ALL CORNERS OF MY ROOM ALWAYS back in my apartment in russia like it is legitimately the best thing. i love everything about this piece it should be adapted into a novel or a short film like PULL SOME FIFTY SHADES OF GREY SHIT W/ IT OK the imagery and REALNESS of this fic gets to me all the time and im crying im crying im crying I ABSOLUTELY ADORE IT PLS @ CAROLINE WHY ARE U SO TALENT

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT LOOK AT THIS BULLSHIT FUCKIG I THINK ABOUT THIS FIC EVERY SINGLE DAY WHEN I WAKE UP FUCKING LOOK ' You see her hair dripping down her head and spinning out over the seats in the back and lighting them on fire. You see her pale skin and electric veins as she puts her hand out the window and tries to catch the sky and stuff it up her sleeve. You hear her voice, “Just drive James, you’ll know where we’re going when we get there.”  

REALLY I AM NOT FUCKIGN Okay CALL AN AMBULANCE CALL IT NOW I AM UNWELL I AM SICK I AM DYING FUK ME RITE UP

i am fully convinced this is the greatest thing thats ever been written.like. How. the. FUCK. tbh i want this paragraph ENTIRELY TATTOOED ON MY ASS I AM ZCRYING @ CAROLINE YOU HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BRAIN AND I AM SO VERY GLAD THAT IT EXISTS

i will not go into depth abt yelling about ur fics bc tbh i think u Know but I JUST WANNA SAY 'oh darling i have coloured blood (that i stole from you)' is the most iconic piece of literature to this day ever the and i zcri all the time because you are a goddamn bloody genius and you shine in colours beyond my comprehension and i love you so so so incredibly much

MY LOVE IS SO FUCKING TALENTED I AM YELLING I AM YELLING I AM YELLING

DOESN'T EAT FRIED SPERM

writes the BEST emails in history

UR SO LOVELY U GIVE ME SO MANY BEAUTIFUL SPELLING ERRORS FOR ME TO WHOLEHEARTEDLY ENJOY I AM GIGGLING *GIGGLES* IT BRINGS ME SO MUCH JOY WHEN U FUCK THINGS UP

tbh it is how fried chair came to life like it was actually in one of your first fanmails to me u said that two years ago and to this day it remains the Most Iconic Thing Ever

STRONG SUPPORTER OF WEETBIX

LOVES WEETBIX

FOUGHT TIGERS AND LIONS FOR HER FAMILY AND WAS SAVED BY WEETBIX AND WEETBIX ALONE 

ACTUALLY HAD A THING CALLED ‘WEETBIX DISCOURSE’ ON HER BLOG LIKE IT WAS ACTUALLY A THING THAT HAPPENED A REAL THING THAT OCCURED AND WAS PASSIONATELY ARGUED ABOUT AND I HAVE SEEN THINGS THAT CANNOT BE UNSEEN

RIGHTFULLY SO BC WEETBIX >>>>> JONAH GRIGGS I AM SORRY IT IS THE RULES

FUCK THE H8RS

like ??? is hilarious af QUEEN OF HUMOUR AND MAKING ME SNORT MY GODDAMN CHOCLATE MILK LIKE CAN U NOT BE SO EXCEPTIONAL U HO HAVE SOME CONSIDERATION U LIL BITCH but YES a++ top notch QUALITY storytelling skills in both fic writing and tequila struggles I APPRECIATE IT TO DEATH

ok ok ok also the most beautiful person ever??? LIKE ???????????????? BITCH WHAT THE FUCK ??????????????????????????????????????????????? WHO ALLOWED U

THE MOST PERFECT HAIR. ur hair is like waves of a golden ocean cascading from ur hEAD AND IT IS SO MAGICALLY FITTING B/C U R AN ETHEREAL BEING AND THE FACT THAT U HAVE AN ENTIRE WILD SEA RAGING ON UR HEAD JUST PROVES TO ME THAT U ARE A GOD AMONG MORTALS. UR HAIR IS SO PRETTY OK OK OKAY FUCK ME UP. STRAIGHT UP GORGEOUS. SO SOFT TOO AND SO SHINY AND IT FITS U SO WELL I AM FOREVER SCREAMING

THE MOST ANGEL FACE. GOATYS FACE LOOKS LIKE GOD OR WHOEVER THE FUCK WAS RESPONSIBLE CARVED IT OUT OF ROSE PETALS AND MARBLE LIKE. IT. IS. TRULY. THE MOST GORGEOUS THING ur face is softer than clouds tbh AND UR SMILE SAVES MY LIFE ITS BRIGHTER THAN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE CONDENSED AND SOMETIMES WHEN I SEE UR SELFIES I HAVE TO GO GET LASER EYE SURGERY BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN B L I N D E D

U R SO UNCONSIDERATE TO MY FRAGILE HEALTH HOW DARE YOU

SO. GODDAMN GORGEOUS SLAY MY ENTIRE LIFE I BEG U ID PAY U TO SIT ON ME WITH UR HUGE BONES AND SLOWLY CRUSH ME INTO AN ENDLESS DEATH I HAVE $4 LEFT OVER FROM MY LIFE SAVINGS DO IT BAE

has the best taste in music omg WHAT A BLESSING WE LIKE THE SAME SONGS AND IT ACTUALLY KIND OF SCARES ME B/C IT FEELS LIKE WE ARE THE SAME PERSON AND THIS DOES NOT HELP MY CONSTANT STATE OF EXISTENTIAL CRISIS

HAS THE BEST TASTE IN BOOKS and adores skam as much as i do AND LOVES CHRIS/EVA AS MUCH AS IDO AND WROTE A FIC FOR THEM AND THE SNIPPET FROM IT ????? MY SOUL. GONE.

so tol and will never stop accusing me of being smol but listen up aight. imma FUCK YOU UP. REAL GOOD. ONE DAY. WHEN I CAN AFFORD TO BUY A LADDER. UNTIL THEN SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN BINCH BC I AM COMING TO GET U

and is also the smartiest smart to ever smart LOOK AT MY U GO WITH UR EXCELLENCE ENDORSEMENT when i buy that ladder I WILL CLIMB IT AND HOVER AROUND UR HEAD LOTS SO I CAN ABSORB UR POWERS AND ALSO BREATHE THE FRESH AIR UP THERE WHICH IS NOT AVAILABLE TO GROUNDED PEASANTS SUCH AS ME

AND IS THE BEST COOKIE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE LIKE IF THIS ISNT ENOUGH TO CONVINCE ANYONE THAT CAROLINE IS BEYOND EXCEPTIONAL FOR OUR GALAXY THEN THEY CAN FUCK OFF PLS OK

like honestly,,, MY LOVE I COULD GO ON FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND CENTURIES UNTIL MY TEETH FALL OUT AND I GROW SENILE WITH MY LOVE BUT THE POINT OF THIS HOT STEAMING LAME MESS IS THAT I LOVE YOU TO BLOODY PIECES UR SO F U C K I N G INCREDIBLE I AM SO GLAD I MET YOU AND THAT YOU TAlk TO ME AND WE EMAIL EACH OTHER AND I AM BLESSED THAT YOU EVEN THINK OF ME AND THAT FREID CHAIR LOVES ME AND THAT U R MY GOAT BC UR MY ONLY GOAT AND UR THE BEST ONE THERE IS NO SHADE @ ALL OTHER GOATS BUT LIKE. IM SORRY I CANNOT TELL A LIE

IT IS THE COLD HARD TRUTH. 

and like??? i did a /search/deadgwen ON @jiilys BC I WANTED TO LOOK AT ALL OUR OLD STUFFS FROM 2015 and I Regret it I Regret it So Much theres a selfie from like when i was 14 and an idiot still on Ur blog and I look like an actual tragedy I Want to Die  we have known each other for so long its RIDICULOUS UR STILL AS AMAZING AS U WERE BACK THEN AND I AM MORE OR LESS CURED OF MY CONDITION OF BEING AN EMBARASSING DIPSHIT AND ITS CRAZY HOW MUCH YOUNGER WE WERE THEN LIKE UM WTF BUT UR STILL AS BEAUTIFUL AND 9384930X TIMES MORE AND I STILL LOVE U BC UR PERFECT AS EVER AND THAT IS WHAT MATTERS

NOW. I WAS GONNA MAKE YOU A PRESENT LIKE I REALLY DID BAE I TRIED SO MUCH SHIT ITS HORRIBLE BC LIKE ??? I WANTED TO MAKE YOU A PRESENTATION ON UR GOAT SUPERIORTY LIKE I DID LAST YEAR EXCEPT Like i am a fucking asshole™(COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS THE MAN TEH MYTH THE LEGEND) who cannot do shit FOR SHIT it turned out so Awful and i cANNOT GRAPHIC BABE I TRIED TO MAKE YOU THIS EDIT AND THEN I REALIZED IT WAS Bad AND FOUGHT MYSELF FOR SIX HOURS AND I CANNOT WRITE AND YOU DESERVE ALL THE GIFTS EVER BUT I AM TRULY AWFUL

*ZCRIES*

I KNOW IM  LAME AND MY ONLY TALENT IS YELLING FOR HOURS ON END I WISH I COULD HAVE MADE YOU SOMETHING REALLY COOL BC ITS UR SEVENTEETH AND 17 IS THE BEST NUMBER AND UR LOVELY AND I LOVE YOU SO PLEASE FORGIVE ME BAE FOR BEING AN ACTUAL GARAGE ASSHOLE (COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS THE EXPERIENCE) SHIT DICK 100% TERRIBLE DICKFLUTE OKAY I LOVE YOU AND I CAN NEVER IMAGINE WHAT I WOULD BE WITHOUT YOU IN MY LIFE AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A REALLY REALLY REALLY GOOD YEAR LIKE FUCK SHIT UP BAE UR GONNA BE IN YEAR 13 ITS ALL GONNA BE SO AWFUL AND WE WILL ALL DIE aND WERE SO O L D JESUS CHRIST IF HEART ATTACKS DONT TAKE US OUT NCEA LEVEL 3 WILL BUT I HOPE THIS WILL BE A SUPER GOOD YEAR FOR U IN REGARDS OF EVERYTHING BECAUSE U DESERVE IT U DESERVE IT U DESERVE IT I HOPE THINGS WILL LEAD UP TO U GETTING THAT APARTMENT IN NEW YORK AND ALL THE HIGH HEELS THAT U WILL WEAR AND ALL THE YELLOW FLOWERS THAT U WILL BUY AND UR CAREER AS A LIFECHANGING LITERARY GENIUS OK OK I LOVE YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE

ok ok ok but. 

ONE MORE THING.

LISTEN.

THE FUCKING

*CLECNHES JAW*

REBLOG FIASCO

*FLINGS MY ASS INTO THE SUN*

WHEN IT IS GOOD AND DAYLIGHT. U HAVE UNTIL THEN. LIKE I KNOW THIS IS UR BIRTHDAY WISH AND I LOVE YOU BUT FUCK OFF HWO COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME I FUCKING TRUSTED YOU I FUCKING FUCK JUST FUCK YOU FUCKING DICK i will RIOT 

OKAY BABE ITS MIDNIGHT AND ILL BE UP IN ABOUT SIX HOURS AND LIKE. ANYTHING. ANYTHING ELSE FOR UR BIRTHDAY WISH OK BABE IM GONNA FUCKING DIE THIS IS IT THIS THE END I WILL GO DOWN SWEARING PROFUSELY WITH A HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE AND U WILL BE WATCHING AND LAUGHI G ANF @OFFICALTALL FUCK YU FUCKDUCKUD CUDCKUD DNUSJNDJF FUCK U @GOATY FUCK. UFCN WHERE IS UR HOOF WHY ARE U NOT FEELIN THE TEMPERATURE ITS EBOLA ITS GOATBOLA I WONT MAKE IT UNTIL DAWN I WONT SEE THE SUNLIGHT GOATY I CANT *FAKE CRYING SOUNDS* I WILL DIE. IT WILL HAPPEN. AND I WANT IT TO BE KNOWN THAT U ARE THE BITCH THAT KILLED ME. *MORE FAKE ZCRYING SOUNDS* I MUST SEND MESSAGES TO ALL MY DEAREST KIND FRIENDS WHO HAVE NEVER FUCKED ME LIKE THIS ALRIGHT *FAKE COUGHING* TELL THEM THAT I *MORE FAKE COUGHOGN* LOVE THEM *THROWS KETCHUP PACKET EVERYWHERE WHILE UR NOT LOOKING AND BUSY BEING WORRIED ABOUT MY HEALTH* AND I WILL REMEMBER THEM EVEN IN DEATH

ANYWAY HERE IS MY WILL:

WHAT U GET:

nothing

u get nothing

bINCH

zero. zip. nada

0 potato 4 u

U CAN HAVE THE SALT FROM MY KITCHEN SO U WILL BE PERPETUALLY REMINDED OF MY LAST EMOTIONS TOWARDS THIS LIFE

maybe like the one half a potato that was randomly in my drIVEWAY THAT ONE TIME 

M A Y B E

WHAT GOOD KIND LOVING FRIENDS, SUCH AS MILS AND FRIED CHAIR AND ELLIE AND OTHER ASSORTED PEOPLES WHICH I SHALL ADDRESS IN CLAUSE 4.20 OF THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF MY WILL, GET:

actually mils is a hoe and can choke but u r the evil here rn aND FOR THE PURPOSES OF THIS ARGUMENT WE WILL PRETEND THAT I LIKE MILS

ANYWAY. REALLY GOOD THINGS I OWN

I HAVE SOME SOCKS I DONT WANT U GUYS CAN HAVE THEM

AND LIKE

MY DUVET

SEE GOATY THESE ARE THE KIND OF HEART TOUCHING POST DEATH GIFTS U MISS OUT ON WHEN U MURDER ME IN COLD BLOOD

ALSO NO TOUCHING MY MANGOES THAT I BOUGHT TWO DAYS AGO BECAUSE I STILL WANT TO EAT THEM AND IF ANYONE EVEN BREATHES IN THEIR GENERAL DIRECTION I WILL BEAT THEM UNCONSCIOUS WITH A TELEPHONE THIS IS A T H R E A T

I HOPE UR TAKING NOTES AND I HOPE U FEEL GOOD ABOUT BEING A 6′3 KILLER BECAUSE UR AN ASSHOLE ™LIKE UR ASSHOLIER™ THAN THE REAL ASSHOLE THAT IS JONAH GRIGGS™ THE LABEL™ (COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS™ THE ANT MURDERING HOT PIECE OF ASS™) BUT I WILL DIE FOR U MY GOAT *strokes ur pretty face* BC IT IS UR BIRTHDAY WISH FOR ME TO SUFFER AND I LOVE YOU AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR U THEREFORE . DESPITE THIS SICKNESS *FLAILS* I. WILL. BE. BRAVE. I WILL REBLOG THOSE TWENTY POSTS I WILL FLATLINE BY THE THIRD POST AND MY BLOOD WILL BE ON UR HANDS *CAREFULLY ARRANGES MY STUNT GOAT IN POSITION* AND I WILL BE YELLING CURSES AT YOU IN THE TAGS BUT I WILL DIE IN THE NAME OF HONOUR I WILL GO DOWN AS A GOAT NEVER HAS BEFORE 

BUT LIKE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU AND I I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC I AM SO HAPPY U EXIST. HAVE THE BOMBEST ASS 17TH BIRTHDAY BABE I HOPE UR PARTY IS LIT AND HAVE FUN GETTING DRUNK AND HAVING ALL THE BANTS AND LAFFS AND ALSO I WILL SEND U THE AWAITED EMAIL IN A FEW HOURS WHEN MY INTERENT IS BACK ON  BECAUSE IT IS A CONTINUATION OF THIS BULLSHIT WITH SOME STRUCTURED DISCUSSION AKA WHAT THE FUCK DO U HAVE AGAINST SMIRNOFF ICE how is it not HARDCORE enough for u IT IS LITERALLY FLAVOURED VODKA DOES IT NOT KNOCK OUT UR 6′3 ASS OR WHAT EXCUSE ME 

ANYWAY IN CONCLUSION.

HAPPY. SEVENTEENTH. BIRTHDAY. MY. CHUM.

*BLOWS U A KISS*

*PUTS ON TWO FÜR COATS TO REMAIN UNDETECTED* 

*STEALS ALL UR WEETBIX AND RUNS AWAY TO ALASKA NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN*

*still replies ur emails tho cuz i love u bitch y u do dis to me*

#I LOVE YOU SORRY THIS IS SO LONG BUT MY POINT STANDS #ALSO SORRY FOR THE SHITTINESS AND IF SOMETHING LOOKS WEIRD BC I EDITED IT SO MANY TIMES IT IS PORBABLY MOST DEFINITELY FUCKED UP SOMEHWERE #@ MYSELF I DONT TRUST U #fucshias #jiilys #I LOVE U BAE HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY HAPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY #*SINGS* HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU #my BIG GOAT UR 17 NOW I AM ZCRYING RN I SWEAR I LOVE YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY

[n-ph]

2k16

wow it’s been awhile since i’ve written one of these. i just realized that i totally didn’t write one last year. anyway i dont even know where to begin. 2016 has been an interesting year to say the least. i was rereading some of my old posts and i said omg a lot. the days just seem to go by in a blur nowadays, so i will try to recap 2016 as best as i can. i dont have a word to encompass this year though.

went to seattle in january. tried some really expensive sushi..twice..holy crap. the quality was a1 but man the bill was something else. seattle was nice though. definitely had a san francisco vibe to it, except for when you go to the waterside and look back at all the construction. i guess we kinda ran out of things to do bc on the last day we went to chinatown and the area seemed really dinky. also gained a ton of weight in seattle though u_u

in february we tried 5a5 steakhouse. and let me tell u. it is the best beef i have ever had. it is also the most money i have ever spent on a single meal. oh my god. i dont know if i'll ever be back, but i would like to, some day.

thus far, the semester was pretty okay. let's see..i had government accounting with a moody professor who would throw tantrums whenever no one participated. i also had business law with this old guy who was really lively and fun. i had strategic management with a bryan cranston look alike. the class was really interesting though and i learned a lot and it got me started on reading the economist lmao im so old. i miss having so much free time that came with school. 40 hour work weeks are not the life (even if i barely do anything at work).

went to LA during spring break. and at a good time too bc it was still the soft opening of harry potter world so the lines were v manageable. butterbeer was dope. the entire hogsmeade village just felt so real. had sooo much good food in LA omg. got to see some friends as well. had some of the best steak frites ever.

i cant believe i particpated in asu's talent show this year. much has changed in asu since i joined. it makes me wonder if i was behaving that way when i first joined. it seems a lot more clique-y and high school and drama filled but hey maybe it was that way when i was active but i just never noticed. had many fun lunches with my grand little but man there is a lot of drama in asu and im just glad i wasnt in any of it. i kinda miss the old asu days of staying out late to eat or do nothing at all but also i dont miss it bc i get enough sleep and im a lot more productive without asu lmao. finally ended things with tram for good. maybe things turned out the way they did for the better. the entire friendship was such a roller coaster. im glad its over.

the end of the semester rolled around!!! and i graduated!!!! :') attended my sisters graduation which was pretty boring bc high school students have such a narrow view of life (not to say that college students are any better). attended my own graduation. felt really fortunate to have jessa and anthony there. this one kid in my graudating class gave a speech about accomplishments...and he revealed the wrestling belt he was wearing underneath his graduation gown...and then he made the grads stand up and chant thank yous to the friends and family sitting behind us. it was so embarrassing and extra omg.

shortly after graduation i was on a plane headed back to the motherland. and let me tell u. i hated most of it. it was super hot and humid and my sister and i shared about 100 mosquito bites between the both of us. also. i know i shouldnt but..vietnam is so dirty. i know its not their fault that theyre a developing country but man there are exactly zero sanitation standards and i dont even know why we were there bc the water had recently been polluted so none of the fish were edible and my mom didnt trust the food stands to have clean food either. i guess i made some new friends and visited some cool places but at what cost??? also i think my entire fam got sick bc we slept with the ac on but either way, the meds i took made me lose my sense of smell i think and i couldnt taste or smell anything for two weeks. the ac air also dried out my nose and gave me a skin infection (which i will discuss later). during our trip to danang a small ferry got flipped on the big river and a bunch of ppl died and the government tried to cover it up bc bad publicity etc. they played it off as if only a few ppl died rather than most of the ppl on the boat. our tour guide in danang was in the know tho so he told us everything and w o w that really could've been us on that river bc it was a boat the left the dock about half an hour after our boat left. crazy.

after the long and arduous journey abroad i finally made it back home...and then headed to hawaii. hawaii was dope af. 10/10 would recommend, would go back. battled the tides when we went kayaking and sadly the tides won and i lost my hat but also almost lost my flip flops if it weren't for some kind random strangers who swam out to get my flip flops. we stayed on oahu and maui. hiked up a v steep mountain in oahu. lost my hat from kayaking. got caught in the rain when we went looking for a beach on the first day. had some of the best shaved ice ever. attended my first luau. fell asleep during the first part of a fire dancing show (bc the fire hadnt started yet). essentially pulled an all nighter to try oahu's famous bakery that opened at 3am. flew to maui but due to poor planning we arrived 4 hours earlier than check in lmao. the house we had in maui was so beautiful though omg. it was ocean side so we could hear the waves every night and it just felt so peaceful and tranquil to sit on the balcony in the mornings, just staring out at sea. in maui we went snorkeling. the last time i went snorkeling was like...10+ years ago...in cancun...and the water was freezing...and i also thought i was lost in the middle of the ocean on our way to the snorkeling location... but anyway! the snorkeling this time was so cool omg they had prescription swimming goggles so i could see EVERYTHING. they also provided lunch which was dope. it started raining on our way back to shore though lmao. the next day we drove all the way up the volcano in maui...to find that the top was foggy af and we couldnt see anything. the road up was pretty nasty bc super windy and 10000 ft elevation. it got really foggy after like 6000ft so we basically drove in all fog until the top which was still foggy but also like 20 degrees colder than the rest of maui. maui is super rural omg. we tried to find a place to eat after our trek but there were barely any food places in sight. we picked a random spot in the middle of nowhere and then decided to take the road to hana (which is on the opposite side of where we were staying, and was about 3 hrs away. and boy did we mess up. we took the alternate road there and it was scarier than going up the volcano bc 1) windy 2) small ass roads which were unpaved at certain points and 3) cliff hugging roads..i cant believe i made the drive there and back it was so terrifying omg. not sure if i would go back. at one point there was a big ass cow in the middle of the road. once we got to hana though, the hike was really nice despite the humidity. almost died crossing the river at the end to see the waterfall. all the rocks had big ants on them!!! how was i supposed to cross the river!!! we missed out on the wading pools though but we were so starving by that time. made the 3 hr drive back and everyone was dead. spent the last day on maui not doing much bc rainy and we were all so dead.

about two weeks after i got back from hawaii was training week in sac for my first big girl job. ngl but i felt super homesick that first night. idk why since i would be home by the end of the week anyway. probably just overwhelmed by how fast everything was happening. graduation and now transitioning into a full time job. scary stuff. but i did make a really good friend in sac so it didnt turn out so bad!!! training was pretty fun bc our presenter was pretty engaging. except when we went over the boring stuff and i was v close to falling asleep. did get to catch up with some of my sac friends though which was nice. went to the state fair for the first time as well. it was..exactly as expected but hotter lmao. my family went to san diego at this time bc my sister was going to comic con but i couldnt make it :(

got back from training and started my first big girl job. im not sure what i expected but it was easy but also hard? my first engagement i was only with one other senior and she was super nice and pretty and really good at lettering. i dont feel like i learned much? i only really did the tasks given to me but i feel like half the time i wasnt even sure what i was doing. i also hated the commute all the way back from walnut creek. the going there wasnt so bad bc i got a ride out to oakland but man it would take forever to get home. :'( my second engagement was just me and a partner and i feel like she expected me to know everything...but i didnt know anything...so i mostly sat around a lot??? esp bc she wasnt on site every day so i had zero supervision. :/ towards the end of the second engagement i got an email from the city saying that they were accepting me into their accounting position and i was like oh shit. i ended up taking the job, which gave me a week in between quitting the first job and starting the second, which i used to go back to LA lmao bc i had a season ticket to universal. actually ate at the three broomsticks this time. it was defs filling and i thought it was a good bang for buck. attempted to go to the walking dead tour..chickened out..twice. i probs would've died in there tbh. also went to disneyland!!!! that was lit. their macone-roni and cheese was da bomb. saw world of color for the first time except it was the 50th anniversary edition so it wasnt so great. bumped into the couple that was in jbieb's love yourself video. tried some new food places in LA and saw some old friends, again.

started my second big girl job. all my coworkers are super nice except the big boss is kind of crazy and anal. but we deal with it. my supervisor is so nice :'( work isnt so bad bc i dont do much lmao. the hardest part sometimes is just staying awake if im being honest. getting paid to do nothing is the life tho.

spent my birthday weekend in monterey. we were supposed to go atv-ing but ended up going wine tasting but also not really bc we liked the first wine so much we got a bottle of that to share. it was really cold that weekend surprisingly so we stayed in and then went to this spa place on a whim and it was definitely an interesting experience.

went as a rice bag for halloween and i think that was probably my greatest costume to date. except we ended up going to a party full of white ppl...and i was like the only asian there gdi

tagged along w my sister when she went to sd. got to see many friends!!! went clubbing as well and that was lit. took michelle clubbing for her 21st birthday, also lit. squadsgiving and christmas were super fun. got some supplies for bullet journaling so guess thatll be my new years resolution. but also to take more photos bc i didnt buy that camera for nothing.

okay so in conclusion. i did a lot of stuff this year. it feels like it was mostly all highs. or maybe i just block out the lows but im pretty sure there were way more highs than lows. 2016 was a great year tbh. oh yeah i also passed two of four parts of my cpa exam!!! woot. in 2016, i learned a lot...of accounting lmao. plus i ran my first 5k!!!!! oh yeah and i joined a gym and now im getting swole af. im not sure what my reflections are. i guess, if i were to compare 2k16 kim to 2k14 kim i've for sure come a long ways. i wasnt afraid to try new challenges and conquer them. i stepped out of my comfort zone multiple times, sometimes with the help of alcohol. i got my shit together and really focused in school (which got me a 4.0 during my last year of college). i also got my shit together and studied my ass off for the cpa (which is still ongoing i crey). i really wanna say this was probably one of my best years with everything i was able to do and everything i achieved. so here's to you, 2016, and may 2017 be even better!!!

[rheyareads]

can’t sleep.

I can’t sleep.

Not surprising given my mind is running a mile a minute with thoughts and yet a bit surprising given the fact that I went to bed at 6:30 pm yesterday and slept through the night until work this morning.

I’m exhausted but I think my body is on its own schedule right now, so I suppose I’ll use the time I have wisely and try to process through some of this mile a minute thoughts (if only thinking burned calories, amirite?)

My last post had the highest views my blog has ever had. People seem to have a lot of thoughts about it and a lot have reached out to me in various ways to offer support, encouragement, advice, etc. and I appreciate all of the effort on everyone’s part. It means a lot to me. One of the biggest pieces of advice I continue to get is to go talk to someone so I suppose I will use this space here to address that in a broader context so that I don’t have to continue saying the same thing over and over again. So, here we go!

Honestly – I don’t want to.

I know that sounds like I’m being a brat but it’s true. Counseling is an intimate thing for me and I had the same counselor for 7 years while I was at Brockport and it took probably 4 years of me seeing her for me to actually trust her enough to show up consistently to work through my shit. Even after that, I would say 90% of our time together was me complaining. I’m a firm believer in counseling, I think it’s a beautiful thing, I encourage everyone to try it, and I know that it can be incredibly helpful. I literally became a counselor because I believed in it so much.

The problem is that in order for counseling to work you have to be willing to do that work, and I’m just not right now. I’m fucking exhausted. And honestly I’m sick of always having to go to counseling. I have gone for so much of my life because bad shit happens over and over and over and honestly I’m at the point where I’m just sick.of.it.

It seems like these two mindsets are conflicting, and they probably are, because HEY! I’m a gemini, that’s what we do – but in all seriousness, I don’t want to pay money to go talk to a counselor who is going to tell me things I already know and help me put together the puzzle behind why I’m feeling the way I am right now.

Let me break it down for you –

I have an incredibly deep rooted negative self-image, the product of childhood friendships that were toxic, an unhealthy and at times emotionally abusive relationship with my father, sexual assault, toxic relationships, medical issues, family trauma, medical trauma of my own and various other life events all wrapped up in a nice genetic predisposition for lack of serotonin production.

I have always felt this way about myself/my life/my achievements/my worth. I’m just usually a lot better at covering it up so that none of you worry about me and I don’t have to explain myself.

The problem is that I am utterly drained by grief right now, to the point where I am exhausting all of my energy just to get out of bed and go to work each day since losing my aunt. Thanks to a shitty guy, I was so wrapped up in bullshit when she died that I literally didn’t even mentally process her death and now I am slowly losing my mind at the thought of life without her. Because of this, I quite literally CANNOT keep up appearances and pretend that I love myself/have positive aspirations/believe I have a good future etc. I just can’t. I have no energy left to give to devote to that and so what the world is seeing is the full force of the inner thoughts I have had time and time and again for as long as I can remember.

I am not kidding when I tell you I do not remember a time when I loved myself. I do not remember a time when I believed myself to be worthy of love. I do not remember a time when I thought myself worth anything.

What I remember are times when it didn’t consume me. Thanks to medication, I’m able to go about my life and not have this become something that runs my day to day in a full force way.

Right now, is not one of those times.

And I’m not saying I’ll never go back to counseling or that I don’t think it will work for me – I’m sure that I will at some point when I’m able to. But I’m saying right now I am fucking exhausted and sick and tired of feeling like this day in and day out and I don’t want to have to go to another doctor and pay another medical bill to hear all the ways in which my thinking is distorted. I know it is. I know it’s me. I know that ‘only I can change how I respond to situations’ or whatever but my god can’t I just get a break from it every now and again?

I feel like there’s more anger coming through than anything else when in reality I’m just tired. I’m fucking angry too, but I’m just exhausted and I can barely get up in the morning let alone “look for the positives”. It’s a lot easier to say to people than it actually is to do sometimes.

Maybe it seems dramatic to some of you. Maybe it feels like I just want attention (to those who think that I say a big fuck you) but the only reason I’m even talking about it online is because this is the only thing I have the energy to do right now. I know that if I started talking about it in person I would actually lose it and scare everyone even more and I don’t want that so this is my solution. I am not physically capable of crying and breaking down in front of people in person because the shame of that feeling may actually destroy me. It’s hard enough facing people in person who’ve read this. No one has to read this. No one has to say anything but at least I can get things out of my head and put somewhere for a time. This is my temporary fix.

While I’m being honest, I just want to say that I know – I know I need help. I know I could make small changes. I know that being depressing and negative gets me no where and attracts no one – I know. But it’s all the more frustrating when the rational side of who you are knows those things and the irrational side has taken over and you can’t stop yourself from feeling or thinking a certain way. I know that the way to catch a boyfriend isn’t by telling the world how crazy I am but at the same time, do I even want someone who doesn’t know who I really I am? cuz this is it.  And it sucks even more when you know you’re letting everyone down while it happens, too.

I’m even questioning my faith which I know is upsetting like half the people in my life and would completely upset my aunt, but again – I can’t help it. How am I supposed to believe in an all powerful, healing God when I watched her faith remain strong and unyielding in every dark moment of suffering, just to watch her die in the end and not get the healing she’s promised? She spent her whole live devoted to God and what hope do I have if someone like her wasn’t able to beat cancer (or even got it in the first place).

On top of that – I just sit and think about how I have wasted SO . MUCH. TIME. Going to school for a career that literally threw me away when she was diagnosed. Spending years romanticizing a toxic relationship into something I believe resembled love when it was actually the complete opposite. Sacrificing my time and energy into all these things that just blew up in my face leaving me with nothing but time spent – all time I could have spent with my aunt.

Time I could have spent finding the right career that would have let me have balance or the right relationship that would have let me get married and have her officiate my wedding and see me walk down the aisle. Things that would let me get healthy enough to actually have a baby and have her with me in the delivery room to hold her the way she held me when I was born.

But I can’t go back. I can’t get any of that time back. And now she’s gone, and I am still alone. Still lost. Still depressed and still trying to make sense of what the hell it’s all supposed to mean. And I know that feeling this way and being this negative won’t further me to anything in the future – but I don’t even care right now. I can’t care. I have no energy left to care because it’s all spent. All of it.

I want to be the person everyone says they know I can be. But I honestly don’t know how. I appreciate everyone saying that I matter, or that I’ve left an impact on them somehow. It’s nice to hear. I think we don’t do enough of that until people are gone or hurting. We don’t tell them what they mean until it’s too late and I appreciate everyone who’s done that. I love you all so much and so deeply and I’m sorry that I’m not able to put that into words right now.

But I can’t pretend to not feel this way. I can’t pretend like I’m okay because I’m not. I can’t pretend like I want to go to a counselor because I don’t.

What I want, is to know what it feels like to be happy and not have to utilize medicine and therapy to get there for a change. What I want is to stop letting people down by feeling the way I do all the time. What I want is to sleep and wake up not feeling tired. What I want is to come home and have someone to share my life with. What I want is to have someone hug me and let me cry until I fall asleep and have that be okay.

Thanks for reading – Even when I don’t respond, I’m paying attention to what you say.

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#Uncategorized #advice #anxiety #body image #coping #depression #emotion #emotions #general nonsense