#young love makes me wanna kms
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Yo guys:
Elisa and reader are like 15 and are classmates at school. People would be kinda weirded out of elisa because of the way she dresses (its 2013 yall). And Y/n is always outgoing and friendly to everyone. She's super liked even teachers favor her. But when it comes to elisa, she's quiet and avoids her. Elisa is frustrated because why is she nice to everyone except her and obviously jumps into conclusion and thinks she's homophobic. But y/n is just questioning herself. She never felt that way to a woman and she's confused whether she likes elisa because 'she looks like a guy', or if she is gay.
Everytimes elisa sits next to her in class (assigned seating...elisa can't stand her) she would smile only and doesn't speak to her. Elisa would talk to katoto and fleur about her all the time, she would complain about the way reader doesn't look at her when she's talking to her, or how she says 'hi' to everyone except her. It became so annoying that fleur blurted out, "just admit you think she's hot and you're mad she's straight!"
Anyways... the reason why I'm not writing this is because if I do, it will be super long because I've thought about this for a while. And because I'm lacking creativity and I genuinely don't know how elisa will find out y/n just gets gay panic next to her lol.
If any of you are willing to, PLEASE DO IT! I'd love to see it
#elisa de almeida#elisa de almeida x reader#moonytoes writing era#woso blurbs#i thought about this because i never had a love life and i remembered that anon that said elisa might've had a gf at 15/16#young love makes me wanna kms#yall plz help me out here 🙏#nel's writings
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Could we have a little more Estonia and Finland? I just love the way you draw them ^v^
Finland and Estonia's relationship is something so special, and any interaction they have makes me full of joy. But maybe it's one of those things only Finns and Estonians understand - these two connect so much more with each other than they do with the rest of the Nordics or Baltics
Some of my random views on their relationship are under the cut
Finland and Estonia have known each other for as long as they can remember. These two cultures have always interacted and traded; after all, they only have 80 km (~50 miles) of sea between them. And I am not opposed to the idea that they're actually related! They have a lifelong bond and have been with each other through some of their worst moments. Sometimes Finland and Estonia feel like only they truly understand one another, and everyone else is an outsider in their world. There is a lot of love, validation, and support between them!
Estonia should be older than Finland, and he has a lot more life experience than him. In their youth, Estonia was the protective one with great skills, who didn't fear other nations around them, while Finland was too young to understand what was happening. I would argue Estonia can be even more intimidating than Finland if he really wanted to be. Even Sweden didn't dare to mess with him (at first). Estonia was a wild one back in the day, never letting go without putting up a fight, but since then, he has become more calculative. Simply put, Estonia is the brain, while Finland is the brawn. You can see it in the way they approach things, too; Estonia is more knowledgeable but careful due to his experiences, making sure to plan things way up ahead and taking a long time to trust others. Meanwhile, Finland is more trusting and stays neutral in many matters. Because of his people-pleasing personality, Fin just doesn't want to be enemies with anyone. Estonia, however, finds it impossible to sustain. These two have been under the same rule twice, but their experiences have been very different
Finland values their relationship highly and spends a lot of time with Estonia, though Estonia sometimes sees Finland as a little too dependent on him. Finland can be tiresome at times and doesn't always understand Estonia's worries, but Estonia knows Finland loves him deeply and would do anything for Estonia, even against orders. There have been times when their leaders haven't approved of their cooperation, yet they have always found sneaky ways to support each other
They're poets, just like the rest of the Baltic Finnic people, and music plays a huge part in their life, especially for Estonia. Estonia has an amazing singing voice and produces music in his free time, but Finland is more skilled with lyrical writing and instruments. Their "alien" status among other Europeans and dying roots have driven them to cooperate more together to preserve their heritage and traditions
They share similar lifestyles and common interests, to the point that they can almost read each other's minds. They both have a great sense of humor and a lot of insider jokes. Estonia and Finland are both silly and curious, constantly getting stupid ideas they just have to try out. Estonia is very clever and a bit of an inventor. These guys have come up with the wildest usages for old vehicles and electric scooters. Speaking of cars, these two are crazy (but skilled) drivers. Both countries are known for their cold-nerved WRC champions, so it's a hobby that they share. They're daredevils who want to go fast on rural forest roads or frozen lakes. To them, it's a ton of fun - for others, it's a nightmare. Estonia and Finland can turn anything into a challenge, like throwing various items, seeing who can stay in the sauna for the longest, or competing about wife-carrying. They have a lot of competitiveness but in a healthy way. Fin and Eesti are happy to compliment and cheer each other on. All they wanna do is have fun! (While Norway and Sweden will argue and diss one another mercilessly over the smallest of wins)
They're both party-loving people who have get-togethers all the time, usually involving alcohol and sauna. When they're intoxicated, they can begin to understand one another, which is freaky. When they hang out together, they speak a weird mixture of each other's languages, switching between Finnish and Estonian and, in some cases mixing some other language in there too. And no one else has any idea what is going on. Finland especially finds Estonia's language hilarious, and they get into some awkward misunderstandings from time to time
THEY'RE INSEPARABLE BEST FRIENDS, END OF DISCUSSION. THE IDEAL AND PURE MASCULINE FRIENDSHIP! Plus, FinEst literally says "finest"! If you ship them, all my love to you <3 But in my opinion, Estonia deserves someone less draining than Finland, hah. And male friendships can be so pure, and I want to see more of them!!
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QUESTIONS FOR 15 FRIENDS
It's been ages since I got tagged in sth like this?? Thank you very much @zbdragons :DD (Also I want to see your dragon arts??) (also sorry I forgot this in my drafts for a hot second dklldk)
ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
I don't think so? My parents chose my birth name bc they liked the sound. My chosen name chose me lmao. I want to keep the masc version of my birth name around as second name, but I think it's less bc it's related to my old name and more bc I like the sound of it, and it makes Mama happy :>
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Not sure! It was probably at a fictional story? ive managed to fix my mental health enough to no longer have regular crises :') <3
DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
nope, don't ever want any either
WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED?
started out with gymnastics when i was ~6 (probably bc baby me started climbing street lights bc our trees were too smol xD), then switched to tennis due to external circumstances and stuck with it until I moved for uni. Here the distances are all much bigger so going everywhere by bike was enough daily sports (30-40km/day), but then the pandemic happened. Now i have dumbbells and a yoga mat in my room and do stretches and (body)weight things most days bc all my 'things why i need to leave the house' are 25+km away. i am ok with going 20km one way but not more than that xD
DO YOU USE SARCASM?
sometimes! depends on the people. i did it sooo much around my brother when i still lived at home, but these days i think it's gotten pretty rare
WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
vibes, i think? Are You Potentially Friend Shaped? :333
WHAT’S YOUR EYE COLOUR?
hazel/somewhere between green and brown depending on the light
SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
happy endings... i like scary things, but i dislike most horror films. they have the wrong horror vibes xD
ANY TALENTS?
i am good at learning music by ear + play flute and piccolo very well (this is prob bc Mama taught me how to learn music at a young age). It's so nice to have One Thing I am not self conscious about, esp bc it isn't tied to money or anything. These days it comes fairly effortless and I love playing and learning new pieces, and bc my orchestra appreciates me I get to play piccolo + solo parts too. I also used to be very good at singing but i am on hrt now and idk how that's gonna develop xD
I also write stuff and draw things and I do the drawing thing professionally/plan on doing so, at least (rn it's just small things on the side and wouldn't pay the bills). But neither feels like a talent bc everyone I started out with was better at it than me when we were kids. They just stopped doing it. Idk. Success through persistence and spite... both my art and writing feel extremely average (derogatory) most of the time, but I guess we will see if i manage to succeed anyway dklldkd
WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Hannover (Germany); moved away for uni
WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?
flute/piccolo in my orchestra; going for walks with my camera; wildlife photography; hiking; learning about nature and the names of animals and plants + trivia; writing/reading fantasy books; watercolour painting; reading and watching good stories of any genre tbh; reading/watching nonfiction things on nature/history/paleontology/humanity. Wanna learn ALL
DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?
no :( but my flatmate has a snake! his name is momo and i love him!
HOW TALL ARE YOU?
173cm
FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?
history (bc of the teacher); english (the years my teacher was good); art (surpriseee /j)
DREAM JOB?
concept artist for stories with heavy (fantasy) worldbuilding; illustrator (I do that already as a freelancer but it would not pay the bills). Also I would love love love to be a published author but in my head the art and writing side of things are kinda deeply related, so both pls
tagging @ettawritesnstudies @corishadowfang @lady-redshield-writes @raiswanson @kittensartswriting @monika-in-wonderland @tundra-tiger @unfocused-overwriter @big-urchin-energy @antignocchiphase @mando-ah-damn if any of you want to (no pressure), and also anyone else who wants to, I don't remember anymore who is doing tag games xD
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i've been rereading weak hero season 2 since the latest chapter dropped and i have some things to say about donald
spoilers under the cut
okay first of all i am so fucking pissed at seopass😭😭i can't really say much about the storytelling aspect of choosing to allow donald to die but honestly it does feel very sudden and just unfair to his character. perhaps the suddenness is my reaction because all this time it seemed like he just couldn't die, then he had had the whole arc in the final battle where we finally see a vulnerable side of him and get his full backstory, then all of a sudden he dies?? it just feels so incomplete, like the build up was for nothing🙁🙁🙁.
second of all, i'm only realising just how sad his backstory is now that i'm rereading it.
it's not just about his mother being ill, his father being abusive, and being bullied in school but also the loss of innocence in young donald. at first he was so sweet and cute, but by the time he's thirteen, he's also got a whole baby gang going, beating people up and even doing breaking and entering in one instance, taking his step father's money. then he exposes the dirt on his ex teacher and had myles joo and his boys beat him up, and smash his car outside of the school.
it also reminds me of how much donald has grown- now he would never b&e or smash an adult's car so recklessly (though ofc he did it originally knowing he couldn't get the police called on him). though still heavily involved with delinquents, violence and crime, his methods have refined as he grew, and you can see him become more calculated and less uncouth. despite the maturity of his actions at 13, in a way they're still childish, and it's a reminder that even if he's acting tough he's still a baby🙁🙁
while i was glad to watch those people get their comeuppance, i honestly felt so heartbroken watching their callous and flippant nature to crime. like, he literally has a baby face!!! he's like 5'0!!! and he's here stomping people in alleyways and committing burglary?!!! it reminded me of kaz brekker from SOC for some reason, who was innocent and naive till he had to grow up at 12 or 13 and started hustling people in gambling dens and getting in trouble with the law.
it hurts to watch how cruelly he was treated by his teachers and his schoolmates because of his poverty, and how no one did anything about it because it was just normal to them that in a school full of rich kids, it was just a given that donald was considered less than trash. then at night he was kicked out by his step father so he could cheat and drink and he had to wander around yeongdeungpo all on his own in the cold, hungry, and huddle under an apartment block?? ARE YOU JOKING😭😭
he changed so much due to the circumstances of his situation and he grew into something no one should ever have to. he isn't just strong and smart and always five steps ahead becaude of his natural talent (though that definitely helped), but because he had to be. doing badly has never been a choice for him. he needs it to survive. i've always liked donald, and i've always suspected this about his character, but hearing it be confirmed just makes me like him more.
it's so sad realising how everything about him was manufactured to fit his image- his piercings, his hair, his clothes, his tattoos, his image, the way he talks- he didn't even LIKE any of them, but they just became a part of who he was nevertheless. thinking about the way he found his tattoos repulsive when they were all over his body, and were the first things he saw whenever he looked in the mirror must've been so painful to him. but he probably thought being affected by it made him weak so🙁.
and finally, the end where it shows his attachment and love for his inner child who was never loved or taken care by anybody and had to fend for his own. the image of the older donald, covered in tattoos taking care of his small, crying younger self is so powerful😭😭like look at this i wanna kms
i wonder in another life how donald na would turn out if none of these things happened to him🙁🙁he wanted to be a NASA engineer you know🙁🙁🙁😭😭😭he had his own dreams
other things that i noted were that donald actually changes in public a lot. like seriously a lot....first on the rooftop then in the library, like this guy was just stripping at every opportunity.
and also that him not inviting gilshin and jimmy bae into the union was done on purpose as a technique to make them more willing to join? what?? that's so smart😭😭
i also found out this way that myles was a member of the union before it was even called the union?? like they rode together for three years and donald still beat his ass like damn! he is unsentimental.
i'm going to write something about the funeral chapter but that deserves its own post
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young royals s3e6 episode reaction (the last one 😭)
I'm gonna miss this I'm so emo
ok let's go
simon's shaky eyelid I'm gonna rip my foot off
"it feels like you two are never truly over" SPEAK ON IT FELICE
wille's voice breaking I'm gonna start fucking sobbing
"I have to take responsibility for my own problems, I can't drag him down with me" bro I'm gonna kill myself
fuck I can't believe that's the last title
I'm gonna start sobbing ohohoho
he's gonna skip??? when has simon ever skipped in the whole series?
oh sara baby no
MICKE????? YOU RAT
oh, just the car
sure give them the car. that makes up for all the years of abuse. totally.
this conversation is so important help me
"see? she'll be fine" god I hope she will be fine
oh my they look all so nice in the sunlight. wille w the sunglasses. love the look
OH HE'S ASKING ABOUT SIMON STOP IT
haha yea called it
but why tell them like that? like why not call for a full student meeting and tell everyone? so unprofessional
if vincent doesn't Shut the FUCK Up oh my god
if he talked to me like that I'd be throwing fists on fucking god
also stella and fredrika need to calm the fuck down. go to new york then assholes
AUGUST?????
this man cannot be serious. sobbing like that over a school. be so for real. go hate crime someone if you're so upset. fuck
NILS VINCENT AND AUGUST HUGGING WTF
god that's so heartbreaking
fuck them rich kids but that's so heartbreaking
that's so weird. thinking abt simon moving away. it doesn't feel nice.
also rosh and ayub in full panic mode @ simon moving away... not great
NORWAY????
kristina's gonna croak isn't she
NOT THE BOOK OH MY GODJJGLDJFLDKG
chorrito pa las animas aaayyyyyyyyy
NOT NILS AND VINCENT GIVING AUGUST THEIR CONDOLENCES ABT HIM BEING THE SPARE LMFAOOOOOOOOOOO
oh my god that's goddamn hilarious
"you wanna be close to the royals, you don't wanna be one" "which is great for us actually" I can't stop fucking laughing jflsfjlsjflskf
SCREAMS OH GOD
oh god
"I feel empty. and scared" wonderful I love this honesty let's keep it going
oh tgjslfkslf HENRY IM GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU
sure, talk abt the booze and the drugs, that sure will make simon want to come to the party
NOT DOING SHOTS WITH THE HOUSEMASTER I'M GODKGKDLGJDLSKSFKDLFJ
THATS SO FUCKING FUNNYKGKGKFLGKDLGK
baby worm wille is my fav wille
I'VE LOST THE LOVE OF MY LIFE /WHAT/
/WHAT DO YOU MEAN WITH THAT WILHELM/
WHAT THE FUCKFJGKFKFLFKFLFKFLFK
OHMTOG
oh also he acknowledges he's gonna send krissy to an early grave. committing regicide is so based.
anyway LOVE OF MY LIFE?????????
does this track for an endgame or no?
oh god
FOR YOU
PARTY PRIIIIINCE LMAO
oh my god
MALIN????
JSKFJSKFKDGKDKGKKDKGKF
that was some king shit
"and I know erik did worse things in his day" understatement of the century
HE INVITED MALIN AND JOAKIM IM LOSING MY WHOLE DAMN MIND
JSKDKSKFKDLGIFLGKDLGKDLGKDLGKDLGK
king wilhelm fr
they're all so cute
seriously rosh and ayub are damn good friends
HE'S GOT THE FAKE GRASS IN HIS HAND
NOT REVOLUTION IM GON A LILLNYSLEFBFLGKDLFKD
ICANTKDL DELSIRBWIT TTJID
FUXIKC
they brought rosh and ayub I'm gonna cry
do you think rosh and stella are gonna kiss
oh
august looks like a mafia boss
WHAT ARE YOU APOLOGIZING FOR
oh. yeah. that was shitty. I also feel a lot of sympathy for that
oh fuck me I'm watching this in the train
"you know erik loved you more than anything else? the video with you two guys. it wouldn't have meant a thing"
I'm trying so hard not to sob but there's tears streaming down my face i
but I have stronger and more important feelings for you oh my fucking god I'm gonna start sobbing for real
im gonna cry
that was the best day of my life oh my god I'm making a scene in this train what the fuck
NOT THE HAIR
IM KILLINGMTSLEF
IS MY RADAR TOTALLY OFF AKFUSKFJDK
oh
they're totally drunk
NO WAY
NO WAY OH MY GOD THATS SO CUTKEJFLSJGSLFJDLFK
WHAT THE FUCKCJFLDKGKD
WHY WOULD WE LAUGH. WE'LL FIX THAT YOU'RE A STUD YOU CAN HAVE WHOEVER YOU WANT
BRO. VINCENT. NO.
AUGUST'S FACE IM GONNA KMS THEYRE SO CUTE STOP IT
oh don't go after her asshole you're drunk
HE KISSED HER WHY
OHHHHH
OH FUCK
YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH THE PERSON YOU BECOME WHEN YOU'RE WITH ME AND THATS NOT THE SAME THING OH FUCK
HE'S OFFERING TO RUN AWAY???
wille fully has no game huh. august did that immediately, wille is still all ooo im gonna be king my GOD ELOPE WITH SIMON
oh
FUCK SJFLANFJDLFKS
IT'LL PASS IS THIS A *JOKE*
big fan of the random two people with wille just BOLTING when they saw simon. like oooooohoho no this is NOT something we're doing tonight
FORGET WHAT
JUST FOR ONE NIGHT?
oh my god
WE'RE WORTH IT
I don't think I'm gonna take that. like I can't deal with that
no they're not doing that
they're not singing that song they're just not
no
I don't know why I thought it'd be a good idea to watch this in public transport
I thought it would be us
it was us and when it was us it was good
STELLA AND FREDRIKA LETS FUCKING GOOOOOO
FELICES FACE AND HER COVERING UP HER EARS IKFJLDJFLDKFLDKGDLKG
oh
ohh
WILLE'S SONFLSKF
DONT TAÑLTOME
I IN SJAMVLES
EVERYTHING IS FSKE
AUGUST HAS A PICTURE WITH HIM AND ERIK TOOB
oh wow that just broke me
:O
WHAT
THEYRE SINGING SIMON'S SOGN
akwñskd
im shakingb
that is such a nice tradition for the graduating class. I really like that.
KRISSY AND LUDWIG? ARIANA WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE
oh yeah congrats august
why is kristina smiling is she happy abt her son going after the love of his life?
"even though it was sad" actually lmao
IT WASN'T IN VAIN DUMBASS
I NEVER GAVE UP ON US I GAVE UP ON THE ROYAL FAMILY
EHAJFJSF WILJELNW HAT TUECJCL
I HOPE YOU HAVE A NICE SUMMER WHAT RHEUFKCJSLFJDLFK
I'm gonna cry lmao
FELICE ISN'T GOING TO NEW YORK?
OH THEYRE GONNA RUN AWAY TOGETHER
YOUNG ROYALS' GREATEST LOVE STORY EVERYONE
oh my god
oh my GOD
oh man it took one (1) thing she didn't like for krissy to go back to a stuck up bitch
however, I just SCREAMED
there couldn't be any other way now could it
it couldn't have been any other way. truly.
I feel like I can't breathe but in a positive way
LET HIM GO OH MY GOD
omg August's face. bro knows he's fucked
YOU'RE NOT RUNNING AFTER A CAR WILHELM I SWEAR TO GOD
HE GOT OUT OF THE CAE
oh my gOF
OGMT
DID YOU CO IT FOR ME
NO ID DID IT FORNME
I WANT TK BE WITH YOU SIMON
ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE OVER ME - WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK
NSODKS
DIMLNSNFSCE
SIMON'S FSCE
VESCHEING
IM CRYING
JSL
THEYRE NOT DOING THIS TOMME
NO THEYRE OT
NOSROP
THE GIRLS
og
OG fod
the 4th wall break
no
fuck
fuck
fuck me I'm sobbing
god
what an honor it's been to love this show
thank you thank you thank you
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Heyo! I'm Dandy, below you can find more information about me, as well as links to my carrd and pronouns page; including some common tags you'll see on my page.
BASICS
I go by a lot of names, of which you can find on my pronouns page, but my main ones are usually displayed in my carrd or my tumblr Bio. Neato!
I am a MINOR. So please, for the love of all things unholy and holy, don't be weird with me. With that being said though, please do not interact with me if you are under the age of 16, you are allowed to interact with my content, as I can't stop you from doing so, but please be respectful of my wishes.
I'm an autistic nonbinary fellow, so tone tags are greatly appreciated; I also suffer from dissociative disorders and other disorders I am not willing to disclose, so please be mindful of that.
I will say slurs I can reclaim, and I will also make KMS and KYS jokes; of which will be tagged incase you do not wish to see those posts. Suggestive posts will also be tagged; SUGGESTIVE POSTS WILL NEVER BE OUTRIGHT NSFW! AS I AM STILL A MINOR!
FANDOMS AND INTERESTS
As of right now, I am heavily hyperfixated on Jekyll and Hyde, and gothic horror literature in general. My brain chemistry is forever changed by these Victorian aged fools; feel free to talk to me about them!
Other content and fandoms you may see on my page consists of: FNAF, DSAF, TMA, Undertale, TSP, True crime, Scenecore, LSOH, Heathers, Black Christmas, Scream, general horror movies, Chickens, and a lot more! If you wanna tag me in any of this content, feel free to! I love seeing it :]
I am a self taught artist and roleplayer, I've been roleplaying for almost a decade now and doing art since I was like. Young. Lmao. I post about my ocs here sometimes, you have probably seen Roman and Rufus, along with Bennie posted here on occasions!
TAGS
General Jekyll and Hyde tags - for anything related to Jekyll and Hyde!
Gothic horror/Literature tags - Anything related to the generalized enjoyment of Gothic horror literature and the like :]
Meowing on the microphone - For when I spew bullshit out of my maw! Yay!
Kitty's arts and crafts - For whenever I post art!
JAH Paddock AU - For the AU that I am writing on AO3, posts about it, updates, etc!
-- Slurs usage - for when a post of mine contains a slur.
-- Suggestive - for when a post of mine can be deemed suggestive.
-- KYS usage - for whenever I use a KYS or KMS joke.
More TBA.
I know this post is pretty long, but hopefully it goes over the general stuff of my page and what's to be expected here. :] Here's my links!
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I wanna kms
I am a 17 year old girl from south east Asia. Y’all might have known how strict Asians are. Anyways my story isn’t just about that. I don’t know why am I sharing my story here but I guess maybe because I don’t think I will be around much longer so…I guess I wanna leave behind something at least.
I won’t say I am an amazing or a perfect person. I have my own flaws and I was immature asf a few years back. So please treat my story with a little kindness. I was born a pretty weak child, cuz my mom didn’t really get much for herself when she was pregnant with me. Her marriage is quite unhappy, though they try their best to never let it show in public. Before I was born dad put his own family wayyyy before mom, theirs was an arranged marriage. After I was born I guess dad fell in love with his daughter and began to be around a lot more. My mom left her job when I was born to take care of me. As I grew up, she began to be pretty strict, about my behaviour, clothing and especially studies. I was ok with it because I honestly didn’t understand much and cried it out. If I did any mistakes as a child in academics I would get severely punished and scolded, they did not beat me much. Both mom and dad. Dad sometimes used to lock me in a room if I could not get the (Bengali) alphabets right, even after he taught me so many times, I was only 2-3. I joined school when I was 4 and when I did no body treated me with kindness. Teachers made me sit at the last apparently because I was dark and not of a high caste. Then when I topped in class 1 after some rough teaching by mom things changed. Skip to class 5, I had a best friend who suddenly told me she didn’t wanna be friends anymore. I was young, it broke me. Skip to 7th grade, a boy who liked me for 2 years began dating me. He broke up with me 2 weeks after, and immediately began to date my prettiest friend. Then again I had a bf who…fell for my best friend who he used to sit with. I never trusted girls as friends after that. I changed school in 8th grade because I was also bullied physically and mentally by boys in 7th grade which included my exes. They touched me inappropriately as well. Then lockdown began and I was confined in home for the whole 8th and 9th grade. I was depressed, a lot mostly because my family situation wasn’t great either. My parents fight verbally a lot for minor reasons and it takes a toll on me. They treat me as the trauma dump and the punching bag (again not physically). It exhausts me but I still loved them. I wanted to die countless times but couldn’t for my mom. She left her job twice. She tells me all these sacrifices she did for me almost everyday. They almost divorced once but I begged and begged and kept them together. Anyways my parents are wayyyy overpossessive. I never go to school or tuition alone, even now I have never stepped out of the house alone. I don’t have my own phone or social media. I am pretty introverted so I can’t make friends easily either. After like 3 years I had made a best friend- a boy. I trusted him with everything, loved him as much as my parents. My teachers thought we were dating, so did my parents, I defended him in front of everyone. He was my home but…when he got a gf he…cut me off. His gf is super insecure which I understand in long distance relationships but….he didn’t even fight for me after all I had been through for him….happened only a few weeks ago and the pain is still raw.
Times like this I don’t get the support of my parents because they think I should be studying and not thinking of stuff like this. If I tell then, they are gonna taunt me about it for a year. Whenever I do something wrong, have mood swings, my mom is like- this is why you don’t have friends. It hurts…so much. When they discovered my scar filled arm they were horrified about what peo would think- and not why I was in such pain. What am I expecting? My own mom told me to d*e, that I was a curse in her life. She made me feel like this a lot. Cold treatment etc etc go on a lot. Still I loved her. Still I loved dad too even though he never stood up for me and always supported my mom in scolding me. I topped last year in 10th grade boards too (98%) but that isn’t enough I guess. Anyways today….i was telling mom about every one who went to the school excursion and tuition picnic. They never let me go to stuff like this because yeah they are quite overprotective. So today by mistake I told her…yeah I didn’t get to go cuz you guys won’t let me. And you know what she said?
“I wish you were born an ORPHAN in your next life, since you wanna be free”
It broke me and whatever was left of my heart. My mother, a mother is telling me…that I should be an…orphan??? Is this the woman I had been living for??
Suddenly I lost all the reason of my life. I had been used and thrown aside all my life. I had always been the second option, the backup plan. My own parents treated me like a trophy child and I still loved them. I have no other relatives to turn to. My best friend who promised he would never leave me like the others did leave me. My own mother…tell me where did I go wrong? All my life I had been kind and helpful, and was never ever mean, I assure you. So why? Why did it happen to me? Why always?? Why me??? So AITAH for wanting to just k*ll myself as soon as possible ? Because honestly I am exhausted….
Edit : Some things I missed- I had one last bf in sophomore (10th). He used to drink and smoke. Even though I told him not to. He was me, my ex best friend’s common friend. One day I suggested for a break cuz of exams and how crazy controlling and jealous he was. He drunk a lot and began to spew shit like me and my bff had an affair behind his back etc etc a lot of bad stuff. Instead of leaving my bff like he did I left my bf for doing this to his own gf and best friend.
I know my mom loves me a lot but- it’s toxic. Maybe because of how she is. But she is very controlling, abt my clothes, behaviour, who I talk to. She checks all messages regularly and is quite emotionally abusive. I tried to understand, but I am tired of not being understood.
#heart been broke so many times#personal vent#vent post#vent tag#in pain#depressing post#tw self destructive behavior#vent#self h@rm#i hate my existence#pain remains#sadnees#sadgirl#tw death#suic1de#help#hell is a teenage girl#sadcore#sad thoughts#this is depressing#depressing shit#tw depressing thoughts#tw depressing stuff#sorry for being depressing#tw s3lf harm#slef harm#if you can’t love them then at least don’t harm them#i want to die#tw ed diet#vent blog
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tw suicide
really long depressing rant
i feel like im in such a strange place now like i still want to die and no part of me can believe in a better future but i know i can’t off myself. i know i will suffer forever, it just seems like a fact now but it’s like ??? ok what do u do about that. i was so suicidal a couple weeks ago and now not so much bc i know that i genuinely can’t kms like my bsf would be so so ruined, it would hurt her too much i just can’t do that to her. so now i’m like ok…can’t kms…so??? now i do what? i wish i had any desire to go out and try, get a new job, date, make friends blah blah blah but none of that is appealing cause it never feels right. idk how to describe it but even when i’m with friends that i know really love me, it is so hard to actually feel loved or content. it makes me sad and it makes me feel like a bad person, like they should be good enough and they ARE good enough, it’s just my fucking rotting brain can’t find joy in anything anymore and i’m so pessimistic and angry all the time. my bsf is the most supportive person ever and when i’m with her it is so easy, like last time i wasn’t in the mood to hangout but then when i got there it was like it didn’t require any effort or energy to be with her so i wasn’t even bothered and we had a great time it’s so easy and good SO WHY TF DO I STILL WANNA DIE. CANT THAT BE ENOUGH FOR ME. can’t i see i have good things and appreciate them wtf is wrong with me i’m so frustrated with myself. she is the one thing that makes life good but even then everything else is still SO dark and heavy idk how to do this idk how to change. im the problem, it’s me and my dumb brain, i love being alone and yet i hate it bc im so mean to myself all the time but i can’t find reasons to be nice to myself. i could come up with nice shit to say about myself but at the end of the day i still don’t want to face life, i don’t want to figure things out and participate in fucking…idk adulthood, society, blah blah blah. why does everything hurt so badly all the time. i can’t believe i ever expected to have things figured out by now, i genuinely always thought i’d get older and be happier and i’ve never been so unhappy in my life. i’m more lost than i was when i was 17 or 19, at least then i could be like aw i’m young i’ve got time now it’s like bitch no u don’t, u have to survive and function and make money and i just can’t do it. there’s not enough to make up for it. there’s just not enough light :/ and it will never get better, i know that as a fact, and so here i am with no clue what to do when u know the rest of ur life will be this hard and miserable and there will never be enough light to make up for all of it. ew i’m talking for too long, but it hurts and idk where to put my heart or my brain anymore cause i don’t want either one inside me anymore they both hurt too much my brain doesn’t believe in anything and my heart just WANTS everything
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I just like really need to get this off my chest, so please. I don't care if you're just gonna read this but I'm so sick so I just wanna let it all out
ever since online started, my first thought was: yay! no more school. cause I thought it'd be easier for me. news flash, I was completely fucking wrong. for the last, what? two years my mental health has been crashing down, sometimes there's times where I think: oh. this is actually okay, I think I'm gonna be fine but then the next moment I'm bawling my eyes out about something I never wanted to live my life doing.
school sucks. it took me years, semester after semester to get used to it. my first year was horrible, I was behind everything. I ignored everything, I procrastinated my works and I thought when it was finally time to pass them: I'll never get past this. but im here, somehow I'm here and yet again I'm facing another wall. i feel hopeless again. and this year. it's the most hopeful I've been, I've been better. so much better than this is the first time I've ever been truly proud of myself. but now I don't know anymore.
my grades came and I'm ashamed to say they aren't high, funny how I'm insecure even about a few numbers thats supposed to decide my life course.
it's unhealthy but when I face things like this, the only thought I had was how much I wanted to die. im humiliated of myself because I'm so fucking pathetic, I can change my life right now but I can't and i don't even know why. it's funny cause i keep telling my freind that I'll kms but I'm still alive, cause im too young. and i don't know how to disappear. I'm trying to stay alive because for once, I want to be good in something that no one will ever surpass me in.
my mom's facing me right now, she's laughing. I can see that she's holding in her laughs at the face of my tears. she's comforting me but I can't take her words to heart. it goes out of one ear and out of the other.
and as much as I love everyone I've met with all my heart, my freinds, I love them so much and I appreciate them. but sometimes I feel so lonely because no one has ever said nice things to me, to validate my feelings, but I was okay because I was always used to being left with my thoughts and just passing one of it with a few jokes. I hate that no one was ever willing to ask me: "are you okay? do you wanna talk about it?" without me asking for it first. maybe some people did ask me about it, I cant remember. thank you for them.
even if I did receive one of them. I probably chose to brush it off. god I make no sense right now.
to the strangers, people, online and irl freinds I have. I'm so sick, my best freind. I always played as someone she could trust, I hate that I'm talking to her behind her back rn but I couldn't fucking careless right now because I can't tell if I'm just on my period. whenever I rant to her about topics I'm interested in (an anime, genshin, just topics I love) she always just sends one worded replies like "what" or "okay" one time she even told me that she couldn't give a shit about things she didn't know about. a few days ago, idk when. she asked to rant about her book, which of. I didn't even know about. I told her "sure. do you even have to ask?" and then I let her send me lengthy messages, I even made comments about it.
I'm so sick telling other people the exact same words that I want to hear.
okay let's put it simply. I'm the therapist friend, I always wanted to take psychology. I'm the girl that asks google on how to comfort someone so I can provide better comfort. I'm selfish for wanting to be comforted myself but who the hell am I anyways? I don't have a lot of irl freinds, sometimes in online I feel isolated cause I don't really ever fit in. I'm not pretty, I know I can be smart if I actually put in the effort and if I wasn't so lazy, I'm not rich, in fact my family isn't very wealthy. I look at other people and the only thing I can do is stare in envy because I can never get it.
I don't know how to make myself look good, I don't know shit about makeup, I don't even know anything about basic information I'm supposed to do. I know I won't able be ever let outside my house to hang out with friends because my parents are strict.
I hate that all my friends are better than me in one way or another. I always thought to myself: I want to live another life. because i was truly, upset, and unhappy in this one. no matter how many times I feel happy there's always gonna be something that's gonna drag me down again.
when I finally choose to open up to my parents, the thing they always do is laugh at me. they treat my words like it's a joke, maybe it's just a common reaction but I'm sensitive. that sounds oddly like a pick me but I want to be honest with my feelings without using jokes to dismiss it.
I love them, but I hate them because they always choose to try and force my feelings out of me. they threaten to take away my phone when I dont talk to them and it's exhausting to talk about something that I don't wanna talk about to someone like them.
I'm tired. I'm tired of being a big sister, I'm tired of being a daughter, I'm tired of being a freind, and I'm so fucking tired of living. it sucks.
I'm so tired of being yelled at because I didn't have the energy to finish a school work that I didn't want to do in the first place. I'm tired of being called that it's my fault for having a bad grade. I'm so fucking tired of putting up with everything. I'm so tired that I'm always the one being blamed when my brother does something wrong. I'm so tired of never really having anything for myself because if I ask for something it will only burden my family, so I'd be content with everything I have even if it isn't a lot as long as I'd be able to do the stuff I love.
"it will pass", I believe that saying but I just want it to end right now. I don't want it to pass. it sucks that I can't do anything right now. all I can do is drag myself to my desk and let a bunch of things confuse me. everything I do, it always ended in disaster. as much as i hate to say it, it really is all my fault.
my parents stay silent but I can't tell if their silence is worse then when they're scolding or screaming to me about something. I hate them so much because of the non-existent psychological pressure and torture they put me through. I lie to them, just so I can save myself from that again.
for now. I'll just force myself to not play anything until I finish every single fucking thing. I don't care if I end up staying up for days but who cares anyways? I just hoped my parents would've let me down slowly instead of blaming it all on me on one go. I sound so edgy rn. honestly there's a lot more but i don't have the energy anymore. this prolly means I won't post for a while. thanks. bye.
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definitely one of my fave vocaloid songs. oh let me list my faves. i wont include oktavia covers you already know i love her stuff. lower ones eyes went crazy. ill try to list less popular ones
^THIS SONG MAKES ME WANNA KMS
^have never heard anyone mention this song ever
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sammy i know this may be annoying but i guess i just need some tips. i am 18 and i’ve never had a romantic kiss or someone to love me. i feel extremely alone and i’m always doubting myself because of it. i know it is because of my looks, but somehow i feel left behind because every single person i know had at least one lover, or a romantic interest. and it pains me. i don’t wanna be alone for the rest of my life. next year, i’m moving 8000 km away from home and i’m sure life will get so hard for me since i love my family a lot and i’m very attached to them. i’m scared i will always be alone. how people do it? how do they find somebody to love? and how do they make people fall for them? i know this is different from every person but i can’t help it but ask. i’ve always been late all my life i guess.
Noo loves this isn't annoying!! Your feelings are so valid, it can really damage our self-worth when we haven't found someone to love and appreciate us, but I promise it's just that babes, you just haven't found someone yet, and remember you're so young!! You have so much time to love and be loved hun, and the only advice I have is that for me, love always came to me whenever I chose to look at my life through a positive lens and was content! Not that my life itself was happy, but I personally decided to power through any negative feelings and rather focus on the good things in life. I promise love will come to you when you love yourself first. I know it's cliche and something probably everyone tells you, but it's because it's true!! No need to fret loves, you won't be alone for the rest if your life, there's a plan for you and you'll be so happy when it comes to fruition 💓 you'll think you wouldn't have wanted your life to turn out any differently if it brings you to that moment <33
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My mother always put men and herself before me. This included moving us in with her now husband after six weeks of knowing him. He is a wonderful man, but we also lived with his two elder sons, one of whom sexually abused me from the age of nine until 13. We then moved house and he didn’t come with us, but he moved back in for six months when I was 14 and the abuse began again.
Fifteen years later, I have no contact with him, but of course, the family do. I recently gave birth to my daughter and I have started to feel angry all over again. I am angry that this man still gets support from my family and causes them worry (at over 35, he is still a waste of space). I also feel resentment and anger towards my mother for not protecting me from that situation over and over again. I feel she put her interest in my stepdad, and in drinking, over what was best for me. As a new mother, I struggle to accept her with my daughter.
She still has no idea about what happened to me. It would destroy her and her marriage, and I don’t feel there is anything to gain from that. My stepdad knows what his son did; he guessed a few years ago. But he won’t talk about it and acts as if nothing happened. I just want to be able to shut this Pandora’s box again and move on with my beautiful family.
please, i say this with my heart in my hands right now, you gotta cut off that very problematic abusive side of your "family". like, it doesn´t matter who you gotta offend or who you gotta hurt or what anyone will think of you, but that person needs to be as far away from you and your baby as possible, even virtually. i know you already have no contact with him yourself, but the mere fact that the rest of your family does might be enough to trigger you and throw you back into that very dark place of your past where you were young and helpless against his abuse. you gotta protect yourself now and make sure that your mother or anyone else in your family won´t even so much as utter his name in your presence. if your mother´s husband knows, then tell him at least, if you must. your mother doesn´t need to be there but at least let him know that you cannot bear to hear or know anything about that scumbag´s useless existence. they can pretend that nothing has happened, but you certainly cannot. you must allow yourself some space to heal and put some distance between you and the person who has done you so much violence and harm, and it shouldn´t be so hard for anyone to understand why you wouldn´t wanna be caught dead within a 3478 km range of this asshole.
on the other hand, i understand the feelings you have towards your mother are much more complex and cannot be solved by simply telling you to "cut her off", i know and i´m sorry. i suppose if i were you i would just... give her the cold shoulder a little bit. like, don´t cut her off entirely but don´t even call her every day. not even every week, if you can help it. more like a couple of times a month. she probably won´t understand what she did to deserve this treatment, but it´s not your place to educate her on that. her beloved husband can definitely do that himself, if he shall ever grow a pair of balls. besides, she has her own family thing going on and probably never cared much about preserving the relationship between you and her in the first place. so it´s safe to say that you can be civilly cold to her and ignore her as much as you can without feeling an ounce of guilt. and draw your comfort from knowing in your heart that you will be a much better more aware more loving mother than she´s ever been
#good luck with your baby girl!!! i hope she knows what wonderful strong mother she has#ask#anon#anonymous
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Some characters i relate to
Charlie from the perks of being a wallflower-
I relate to this character because i think i am really diasosiated idk if that how you spell it or call it but i dont really feel like im there and there are times were i go to this really dark place and i just dont know what to do and its all my fault because if it wasnt then i think i probably wouldnt feel this way but um i also relate to him because of what happened to him wirh his aunt but that about all im willing to share(im alright now if anyone was wondering)
Fiona from shamless-
I relate to her because i feel like all the things my parents done they dont give a shit about me they think that just becasue im kind and nice and mature that i can take whatever they throw at me but i really cant i dont know what to do most day because at a very young age ive been put to take care of children that werent mine but my sisters because of her disgusting drug problem like frank lol but um my mom think it isnt fair for me to blame her because shes rigjt its not kust her fault but wtv but i also relate to her because my mom and my father never really cared about me sure my mom cooks for me and helps me when times get hard but thats her job and my father isnt really here and when he is its just putting blame on my mother but its wtv
Shoya from a silent voice-
I relate to him because there once was a very dark time in my life were i did think of kms because i felt digusting with myself i felt like i wasnt beatiful I genuinely thought there was no point in living if i just didnt even like myself but then i found this person who helped me get out of it and sense then i have gotten better i think but sadly that person that helped me has uh walked away from my life so now i am alone but im not lonely and i dont feel alone anymore so i will forever be greatful to him
Hachi from nana-
I think im alot like her because i think i give to much love that most of the time i dont get in return and sure it makes me feel like an absolute idiot but i just turn a blind eye because sometimes you just dont know when to quit and i just relate to her alot because i know how it feels to have your heart crushed over some stupid pathetic boy who couldnt really love you as much as you loved him
Ik this one might be a bit weird but Robin from DCC (in general)-
I relate to hin because i feel like hes just really left behind and hes always trying his best and no matter what hes usually just not seen or disregarded and i think hes me because i am usually disregared most of the time and when people do decided to include me its like there just joking around and doing it to make me feel pathetic
I think that about the main people that i relate to but if anyone does see this just know im here if you wanna talk
#vent#girlblogging#girlblogger#the perks of being a wallflower#charlie kelmeckis#fiona gallagher#shameless#shoya ishida#a silent voice#venting#kins#dc robin#dc
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I just wanna sleep forever. I have a love-Hate relationship with life, at times I wanna die, at time I'm glad that I'm alive. But since Face-2-Face is next week I wanna die rn. I'm too dumb, I hate it, I wanna be erased from existence. I wanna live in a universe where there's no covid, if there wasn't covid I would probably still be smart rn. I don't even know how to divide yet, that's how dumb I am. Stupid, utterly ridiculous, useless, worthless, I am a failure. I fail almost EVERYONE. I hate myself so much, just poof me out of existence. I will fail everyone I love. I wanna die.
Or do I need someone to reassure me? Someone to not be annoyed with me? Someone who's patient? Someone who treats me like an actual child? Someone to provide comfort. Love. Not neglecting me, ever since I got my period my parents started treating me differently, they tell me I should already know this, I should already know that since I'm big now, then they say, youre too young to know that! Youre too young to do that! It just confuses me. I don't want to burden anyone with my problems tho, it's my problem. No one can help me. I get suicidal thoughts. I don't want to tell anyone, I'm too afraid they might judge me. I hate being judged, or am I being dramatic? That's what they always say. "your so dramatic!" or when I'm feeling ACTUALLY happy they say "Your too hyper now!" I don't want to be controlled by people I almost don't trust.
Everytime I tell her something, she says "You should study instead of doing that" why did she even mention school? What I said was nowhere near my studies. In fact, not at all! I just want someone where I can share my thoughts with them. Where I want to feel included, I'm too dumb, too selfish, too worthless, too useless, and too lazy. I can't even do somethings by myself! That's how lazy I am! I hate it. I want all of this to end. I wanna rest peacefully. When I finally get into an accident/kms I will write "Don't mourn me, be happy I'm not there anymore." I just want my family to be happy. No problems, just a normal loving family. I hate and love them. The only thing keeping my sanity is the things I love: Fanfictions, games, my dogs, food, and online friends. The only thing that's closest to a real friend to me is my classmates, and my neighbors. I don't talk to them anymore tho, I'm afraid they might get annoyed. I think I should suffer for the pain I have caused others. I don't wanna make anyone sad angry. I wanna be free from this hell hole. I wanna show my true emotions, I always have to bottle them up or else I might be judged. I love them all tho.
I wanna be happy. Let me be happy please.
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Casey & Janis Pt.3
Janis: [just getting back, making the smallest of talk with Bobby if he’s about and then going to our bedroom like goodnight bye]
Casey: [meanwhile you know he’s not even coming in, he’s waiting long enough to see her go through the door and however long to justify to himself and his trust and abandonment issues that she’s not coming straight back out and leaving again and he’s driving off to do god knows what with god knows who]
Janis: [such fun fun times, we’ll just try not to kms]
Casey: [tempted to have you end up at Ian’s after whatever the hell you’ve done re getting off your face and fucking whoever because it do be where you go when you literally feel like there’s nowhere else and you could fight him always so]
Janis: [that makes sense, oh lord, can message you even if he do not reply just to set that vibe]
Casey: [I was thinking that maybe it’s so late when he gets there after all his bebopping etc and he’s so drunk/high/both they won’t even let him in, but he do be creating so Ian will come out if we wanna bring that brawl energy to it for the patching up of it all, cos I’m also thinking unlike the Archie moment, this time he should call her]
Janis: [awkward moment when this really isn’t all that long before, too much ‘parenting’ for Ian thank you; but yes, we can do that]
Casey: [the way he drove an hour to Ian’s in that state, please take the keys off him at least so I can use that as my excuse to call, so yeah it’s god knows what o clock truly and he’s just ringing and ringing til she wakes up and answers ‘get him up’ before she even has chance to say anything, bold of you to assume he isn’t now you’ve blown this phone up but okay]
Janis: [‘obviously not’ thank God we’re a light/shit sleeper so we’re not like hello who’s this ‘what do you need?’]
Casey: [‘obviously fucking do it, I’d not be telling you to for a pisstake’ cos true, never been that bitch]
Janis: [‘so tell me what you need and I’ll decide if we’re waking him up or not, not the only option’]
Casey: [‘he picks me up or the garda do and if we’re waiting for them I might as well give more of a show than I have done’ the tone like ugh the garda again, cos that literally just happened lol, just threatening to what, kill your father, tear his house down bit by bit, would love to know]
Janis: [just so quiet you might think the line is dead for a sec or she’s gone but then doing the biggest sigh ‘where are you then’]
Casey: [‘dad’s’ in a tone like duh you should just know, obviously I’m here ‘where else, but he’s took the keys off us somehow’ lowkey genuinely surprised that Ian was able in our voice there, it very much does betray the state of you tbh]
Janis: [‘I’m done making educated guesses even’ but our tone shows we aren’t actually surprised, just disappointed of course ‘think he’d be proud you’re in a worse state than him, really’ like that’s his speed when he’s not just being abusive ‘you had a fight then, yeah?’ phrasing it as a question to stick with our no guessing but obviously, we know]
Casey: [‘sounded like such a mum then’ and he sounds like such a sad child when he says it that I’m upset ‘he started it, not letting me in’ again just a tiny child but an angry one there ‘bit one sided to call a fight though’ cos you know even in this state he’s doing more damage to Ian than he is to him and he blatantly can’t feel any injuries he does have rn so they don’t exist]
Janis: [‘she actually is, to actual kids, like’ like of course they didn’t let you in boy, you mess but we feel guilty so it doesn’t sound as angry as all that ‘he’s old, you’re young, stupid and full of chemicals’ just clearly moving around in the background, pacing or whatever ‘right, I’ll wake him up then, stay put’]
Casey: [‘he’s my actual dad’ bit petty to these children and teen girls but true ‘meant to bloody be’ just the vague sounds of him trying again to get in this gaff/damage it as a fuck you, boy stop it ‘you can say fit, before you do, if you like’ cos when she said young that’s where my head went so say it and Jimothy’ll never know energy ‘I know you reckon I am’]
Janis: [‘whiskey tastes better than blood, or however the saying goes’ like I know soothing vibes but YOU know he’s shit too; the sound of our hair ‘cos we’re shaking our head, amused ‘you don’t sound that fit, stop huffing and puffing it’s like working babestation’ ‘cos we know what you’re doing over there obviously ‘I know you reckon you are, Case’]
Casey: [a lol for the babestation comment cos it’s funny ‘you’d be good at that’ is that a compliment or shade or both, sir, the sounds of him nearly dropping his phone or something probably ‘and it’s the one thing I ain’t wrong about, you could fucking let me have it, babe’ babe for babestation lol, cos he’s wrong about Ian and you and everything do be how he feels tonight]
Janis: [‘keep it in mind but you have to call the proper number’ like not doing this for free, obviously ‘oi, clumsy, didn’t say you weren’t’ calm down vibes but truly in the non-antagonising way for once ‘your hands fucked or what?’ like why you being so clumsy, keeping it conversational]
Casey: [‘mates rates?’ cos just asking if you’re still mates really even though we, the gals writing this, know the answer ‘I dunno, mate’ mate again cos that’s where his head is and genuinely he does not know if his hands are fucked or not rn, it’s a shambles ‘or what is right’ cos what is going on, cannot tell you, cannot feel none of this]
Janis: [‘I suppose so, mate’ like as it’s you ‘you reckon you can do me a favour too?’]
Casey: [‘yeah’ cos literally always would and will ‘go on’]
Janis: [‘thanks’ and a noise like oh good ‘let Jimmy check you over when he gets there, will you?’ Just biting the inside of our cheek ‘best behaviour, yeah’]
Casey: [‘what would I let him touch me for?’ with such ew fuck no thank you I don’t wanna do that sulky energy ‘even if it is one of your fantasies, like, I’m alright for it’ cos bants forever even now ‘I’ll not tell him what happened, what you done, how’s that?’ like there’s your favour instead, genuinely]
Janis: [sigh but make it sound more bants than it was ‘alright, spoilsport, long as you’re nice, guess that’s okay’ because we can deal with any injuries when you’re back, unless they are life-threatening, which they are not so it’s fine lol]
Casey: [‘too nice, me, weren’t it?’]
Janis: [‘oh, your memory got knocked back in, has it? audible smirk ‘how nice for you’]
Casey: [‘nowt wrong with my memory, how many times you need telling?’ and just telling her over and over til she cuts him off with whatever she says next like a nerd]
Janis: [laughing like alright alright ‘okay that was your parrot what other impressions can you do?’]
Casey: [do one of Ian and his missus from a bit ago obvs, and do a shady one of Jimothy as if he’s on his way, bit rude as he is coming to get you but]
Janis: [‘you asked for him, boy’ like take what you’re given, sir but we did have a lol at the rest]
Casey: [‘are you coming?’ cos the way he sincerely wants that in this moment despite everything else that has happened]
Janis: [‘I’ll be waiting at home’ ‘cos probably already given Jimmy his orders and we didn’t think you wanted us/really wouldn’t be the best idea ‘someone’s gotta patch you up if you won’t gay on your brother’ like need to be here to set up my nursing station, obvs]
Casey: [‘hour away’ so sadly like he might cry but obvs is not gonna cos not that bitch]
Janis: [‘we can talk’]
Casey: [‘I never thought you’d answer’ did not believe she’d pick up this phone when she saw it was us, regardless of the o clock which we’re not even thinking about]
Janis: [‘Of course I did’ pause ‘did you not want me to?’]
Casey: [‘I’d have rung his to go to voicemail’ cos true Jimothy ain’t waking up, he clearly wanted to speak to you and you only]
Janis: [‘Fair’ like that makes sense ‘you know I’m sorry, don’t you’ ‘cos if we can’t say it when you’re wasted, when can we]
Casey: [‘I’m sorry, I’m the dickhead, always’ because it’s giving Jimothy vibes aka Ian fucking with your head and making you feel like nothing vibesm]
Janis: [‘Nah, you’re not’ with no hesitation or doubt like nope, not true ‘but I’ll take your sorry if you take mine, right’]
Casey: [‘okay’ cos it’s important, the soft sad tones are out]
Janis: [‘I’m sorry about Ian and about fucking your head and everything else’ with our own sad voice ‘cos we can hear yours]
Casey: [‘fuck it, how are you, how’s my real bestie?’ cos if he doesn’t try and lighten the mood he will simply die and baby Jac love 5eva]
Janis: [just a proper oh you laugh because alright, let’s just have a chat then ‘she’s asleep, still much better behaved than you are’ ‘cos they do chill when they’re asleep which is so strange lol you have to keep an eye on their standard movement vibe so you don’t freak yourself out like she dead]
Casey: [‘be nice, that’ to go to sleep, yes, but to go to sleep with you right now, yes x 100000 obvs, is what he’s really saying]
Janis: [‘when you’re here’ so we can check you aren’t concussed but we can make it sound nice too, don’t judge us]
Casey: [‘you’re gonna stay with me?’ almost a whisper like dare I imagine that’s what you just said and what you mean]
Janis: [‘yep’ again, unspoken, no choking on your own vomit too ‘can find out the sleeping bag’]
Casey: [‘no need, I heard you, best behaviour’]
Janis: [‘not worried about you, mate’]
Casey: [‘that there’s a massive lie’ cos yeah you are, always worrying]
Janis: [‘alright, not like that, then’ like how’s that for honesty]
Casey: [‘no shit, I’d never do owt to you that you didn’t really want me to’ emphasis on really cos you didn’t want it enough earlier gal ‘been through all that bollocks in the car a bit ago’]
Janis: [‘is that how you feel? Like I did that to you?’ ‘cos fully how it sounded to us we’re like oh God]
Casey: [‘what are you on about?’ because no we can’t fathom what you’re talking about when it’s that obvious to us and from our POV obvious to everyone else as well how we feel cos ain’t never been subtle]
Janis: [‘it sounded like you went through some trauma in the car, how you said it’ but we’re already breathing a sigh of relief like okay, that wasn’t what he was saying, clearly]
Casey: [‘only the usual’ by which we mean being cockblocked by you and you not wanting us as has been the vibe for the last decade lol as well as dying from the TENSION extra hard on that day specifically]
Janis: [‘are you gonna tell me I’m a criminal or not?’ like I can’t deal with this vagueness rn]
Casey: [‘piss off, didn’t even steal no cake with me’]
Janis: [‘you wouldn’t go get my cake’ like that’s the biggest tragedy of this day]
Casey: [‘you wouldn’t look at me’ cos to him that is]
Janis: [‘I was just embarrassed’ the just is an understatement but literal not you it was me]
Casey: [‘for what? I loved it’ cos he can just blurt that out in this state]
Janis: [love a drunk convo baby, just so relieved and frankly buzzing ‘I wanted to do more, but it’s alright’]
Casey: [‘then you should’ve, can do when I get back’ because the same drunken honesty and no fucks, bless you sir but the state of you, no that won’t be happening]
Janis: [‘no, I have to look after you first’ as if that’s the only reason, no need to be a killjoy when he is going to remember none of this anyway]
Casey: [‘I’m alright, you’ll see, and when you have I’ll be able to look after you’ in a saucy sense obviously, as if that wasn’t blatant]
Janis: [‘I wish’]
Casey: [‘I will, Oi, call me back I’ll show you’ like please facetime me so you can see I’m not injured and dtf even though he is at least a little bit but okay boy]
Janis: [‘as you have to behave when your brother gets there…’ like go on then and do ring him back facetime vibes]
Casey: [just a really close up of his face immediately like look and then as immediately showing her your whole face and body panning down but it’s so quick and blurry and out of focus cos the state of you so not actually helpful]
Janis: [‘Oi, slow down’ but very soft like let me see you as if we’re being saucy ‘cos we need to do our nurse duties]
Casey: [‘that’s how you want it, yeah? Hang on, I’ll be SO slow, promise you’ a nice bit of foreshadowing to when you first hook up and he is, being slow af as possible, so even though it’s probably still a bit out of focus and the lighting is terrible cos outside at god knows what time, you’ll at least be able to see he’s not really badly hurt]
Janis: [can smile properly and you can think it’s all your work, boy and not at least half relief ‘that’s better’]
Casey: [‘it is’ cos we can see you when we’re not bebopping this phone around and it does make him feel better ‘bit rude of you to be looking like that but I’m not fuming’]
Janis: [‘me neither now’ and making a point to make eye contact like see, I’m looking at you loads now too ‘you’re a bit blurry though’ like you do be trashed hun]
Casey: [‘oh what?’ and an adorable ffs scowl like it’s the phone’s fault, pressing things and probably doing all sorts accidentally here lol]
Janis: [just giggling ‘put that filter back on’ ‘cos you’re a cute mess even if you are a mess, soz]
Casey: [do because always doing what we’re told even when we are a mess ‘this one?’ and pissing about ‘or did you mean?’]
Janis: [‘perfect’ when you look the most ridiculous of course]
Casey: [‘you’re perfect’ you’re jeans cos he’s wasted and I can]
Janis: [‘it was definitely too nice’ like I have remembered now ‘cos blushing]
Casey: [‘us touching like that was’ cos as always too into it despite the fact you barely did anything]
Janis: [nodding ‘very’ because we all were and it was]
Casey: [just a sound that he could not make at the time, cos we’re thinking about it]
Janis: [‘baby’ v quiet but we wanna]
Casey: [‘you came back for me’ cos it means so much to us even if it was only from Ali’s]
Janis: [‘I could tell you needed me, no bullshit’]
Casey: [‘I always do need you’ like no bullshit there either thank you]
Janis: [‘that’s why I miss you’]
Casey: [‘it hurts how much’ both how much we need and miss you and it hurts in a physical, emotional and literally saucy way so]
Janis: [‘yeah’ ‘cos confirmed, at least you are both in that together]
Casey: [when you can feel that but not getting hit by your father, her power, her influence]
Janis: [‘least you get to fuck some of it away’ not trying to be sarky like good for you but genuine ‘cos we are not and it is a problem lol]
Casey: [‘give me the hour’ like I literally volunteer to do it ASAP as soon as I return ‘then’]
Janis: [‘you’re cute, you’re forgetting where we live though’ like shh, not gonna happen I’m already gutted]
Casey: [‘I’ll be quiet’ no you would not ‘and keep you it an’ all’ slightly more believable but]
Janis: [shhing you now like have a go then]
Casey: [doing the zip/padlock his lips thing and nearly dropping his phone again]
Janis: [‘you’re so sleepy’ like that is all this current state is ‘but we will’]
Casey: [just signing something to the effect of no I’m not cos still being quiet]
Janis: [sign ‘you will be’]
Casey: [signing that whatever club drug you took has already worn off because they never last long so legit like and I’m still not sleepy thank you, love to know how you’re doing that drug slang]
Janis: [‘bit rude of you to when you know I LOVE drugs’ can’t even get drunk or high either, lol, so much fun for you hen]
Casey: [‘we weren’t mates or I’d have shared’ spoken this time, soz baby Jac that we are forgetting about you for a sec here]
Janis: [‘next time?’ like we gonna be mates then]
Casey: [‘okay, you can come out with me’ like of course I’ll take you clubbing and share my drugs with you tomorrow or whenever lol]
Janis: [‘you’re a pretty good friend, you know’]
Casey: [I’ll make you feel too good, even if they don’t, what else are mates for?’]
Janis: [‘sounds like bestie behaviour, I won’t tell’ like baby Jac won’t find out from me]
Casey: [when you are reminded she exists and do such dramatic oh shit type behaviour you do drop your phone actually but catch it before it hits the ground in one of those fluke wasted type of moves putting his face right up to this phone like he’s got said face to the bump kind of energy ‘I’m sorry, baby, I’ll not do it’ calling her baby cos she’s a literal baby haha]
Janis: [tut like typical but we’re smiling ‘right cockblock, her’]
Casey: [‘meant I could touch you’ cos she’s really not actually ‘don’t be letting me forget she exists, dickhead’]
Janis: [making a noise like oh yeah, don’t let me forget that then]
Casey: [‘somewhere I’m allowed to put my hand whenever and wherever and no dickhead is bothered’ like thanks for that truly bub]
Janis: [‘it felt-’ ‘more’ like considering what y’all were actually doing]
Casey: [‘I know’ cos it did and I doubt that’s the first time y’all have had to make the most out of fuck all touch or the tiniest moment in this decade but this was really something else today, just making another sound thinking about it nbd]
Janis: [clearly not and it remains a thing which implies it had to be before tbh, just making noise in reaction to yours ‘I really, really wish I didn’t get up, we stayed doing that’]
Casey: [‘where do you wanna touch me?’ like sis I’ll do it for you now, does not care he’s in this garden waiting on Jimothy and god knows where Ian is]
Janis: [big think like how do I decide when EVERYWHERE also we shouldn’t push this because we’re sober but we’re also very frustrated so hard to remember that fully ‘your face, you said you wanted me to’]
Casey: [doing it while looking at her like ? cos is this good or do you want me to do it different/somewhere different on my face]
Janis: [‘you are fit, you can have it’ just heart eyes at your cute face rn ‘try like this’ and just bringing all the attention to your lips, model experience come through]
Casey: [‘you’re so fucking fit’ you’re so fucking jeans, but soz she is, and there’s no way drawing all that attention to her own lips hasn’t utterly derailed him from even trying to do it for a sec and just LOOKING at her so hard]
Janis: [‘the way you look at me’ we’re not fine, we’re not okay at all ‘your eyes are like’ shaking our head like can’t explain]
Casey: [‘I have to keep it all in my head for when you’re not about to be looked at, and for when nobody else is’ like just admitting on main what we do in our alone time and also that we literally use other girls while we’re thinking about you nbd
Janis: [‘I haven’t thought about anyone else since, I told you my head was full of you too, I meant it’ we mean since this pregnancy but don’t need to fully out that right now sis ‘thinking about you, thinking about me’ hiding our face in our hair]
Casey: [‘come here’ as if we can make her through the screen cos we want you back and we wanna be able to touch and move that hair so badly ourself rn it’s actually frustrating]
Janis: [‘okay’ and moving super close to the phone like a nerd, at least you can hear how we’re breathing now]
Casey: [just listening to it and not saying anything so we can fully hear it for a bit until we literally have to say ‘fuck’ with all the feeling because it’s just getting to us that much, only that and nothing else, she’s literally only breathing but]
Janis: [‘you should be sober’ just wanna take this so much further not at all casually]
Casey: [‘I am’ he’s not but that’s how it would feel because so turned on rn that’s his entire focus and all there is, like when going outside in the cold gives you that sobering up feeling but more intense obvs]
Janis: [‘you should remember this, or it’s well selfish of me’]
Casey: [‘how could I not?’ cos again how it feels rn but you’re not going to, boy, you’ll remember ringing her maybe but no deets]
Janis: [‘I’ll make a deal with you, I’ll make myself cum thinking about you right now but you can’t see, not yet’ just like how is that ‘cos clearly going to happen whether we informed you or otherwise]
Casey: [the most adorably pouty face at first cos CLEARLY we wanna see that and we wanna see it now but then we’re just thinking about how hot this will still be and how it’s more than anything else we’ve had to remember, still thinking he’s going to, soz boy, like if you do remember anything about how she sounds when she cums you will think you just fantasised and or dreamt about it yet again, can literally see the cogs turning in his head, finally ‘you’ve got one, but what’s my part of the deal?’ Like what do you want me to do gurl]
Janis: [just watching you so seriously like is this gonna happen, was that too much, ahh so we’re obviously buzzing like thank God you didn’t shoot me down again lmao ‘don’t you wanna cum too, ‘fore you get in a car for an hour?’]
Casey: [‘do you wanna watch me?’ because drunk so we’re not bothered about making deals that are fair at all]
Janis: [our face betraying us because obviously but ‘no facetime’ because must not]
Casey: [‘pictures?’ again are not bothered that you’re doing more here]
Janis: [‘just let me hear you, I have loads of times’ because true and hence we’ve rationalised this is okay lol]
Casey: [just a noise like ugh okay FINE but not actually annoyed hence we’re like ‘hear that?’ in a bants way]
Janis: [‘you can be mad’ keeping the bants going here]
Casey: [‘I can’t, I’m too-’ no need to finish that sentence, we all know exactly how you feel rn boy]
Janis: [‘we can make each other feel better’]
Casey: [the quietest but hottest ‘please’ ever cos you both need this to a ridiculous level]
Janis: [the noise sis ‘say it again’]
Casey: [do, even more indecently than you did the first time]
Janis: [‘I can still feel where your hands were on my stomach, whilst mine are-’]
Casey: [the NOISE though]
Janis: [‘if I did this in the car, would you’ve stopped me? You knew I needed it’]
Casey: [‘only so I could start, you need me’ like no no I’d have touched you in this scenario let’s not get it twisted]
Janis: [‘move your hands down just a little then, no one will notice’]
Casey: [‘they can if they want, long as they don’t get mardy we ain’t noticing them back’]
Janis: [‘I can only think of how you stroked my belly’]
Casey: [‘I can’t stop thinking about it either, haven’t been able to no matter what else were going on’]
Janis: [‘I’m glad you stayed with me, still in the car’]
Casey: [‘I stayed for [however long he did] still in there outside the house, I’m glad you never came back out’]
Janis: [a pouty noise ‘I’ll try to be glad but-’]
Casey: [‘I’m only chuffed that I can trust you’ cos obvs would have loved it if you came back out for saucy reasons too ngl]
Janis: [‘I promise I’m not going nowhere’]
Casey: [‘I’ll not leave you either’ cos we do mean it in this moment even though you clearly are gonna move out cos we’ve said that’s a thing that happens pre-Archie so]
Janis: [in this moment it matters not, we’re giving you the reaction you deserve ‘I need you so fucking bad’]
Casey: [‘I can fucking hear how much you mean it’ cos we can and you’ll be able to hear what that’s doing with how his voice sounds]
Janis: [going harder ‘you make me this wet every fucking day, you should taste it’]
Casey: [‘tell me I can clean you up too’ cos patching us up with the blood etc when we get back]
Janis: [‘I’ve never felt your tongue’ as if that’s something that should’ve happened by now]
Casey: [‘it’s never felt you’ and you can hear how hard he has to keep swallowing all the spit in his mouth rn thinking about it so]
Janis: [‘I would kill to kiss you right now’ because it’s too hot ‘we can swap, get messy’]
Casey: [just the most indecent wettest mouth noises of his own cos had to just be giving that energy as best we can like yeah 100% agree]
Janis: [‘do I want your tongue in my throat or my pussy first’ a question because we’re not capable of deciding with how we’re feeling now]
Casey: [‘I wish I could do both at the same time’ cos same truly ‘everything all at once’]
Janis: [‘we could’ve 69’d so perfectly in that car seat’ like that would be close]
Casey: [‘if it were you on your way here, we would’ cos he can literally see this car from where he is probably]
Janis: [such frustrated noises ‘Casey’ like how dare you in the best possible way]
Casey: [just saying her name back in response but then he likes being able to so much he can’t stop saying it til he’s just moaning it]
Janis: [just losing it because wanted to hear that forever casually ‘make me cum just by saying my name’]
Casey: [he does keep saying her name ofc but also sneaking in a ‘I should’ve cum all over your stomach’ like you were gonna just do that in the car nbd, we’re being feral]
Janis: [‘you would’ve’ like we were not far away we all know it ‘didn’t even have to take our clothes off, I could feel you pressing into me’]
Casey: [‘you’d like it, wouldn’t you?’ cos sis we’re too drunk to act like we don’t know Jimothy is clearly not bothered about you like that, soz not soz, a sound remembering that feeling of pressing into her because it really was that good ‘I’m trying to make it feel the same now’ cos clearly can’t be taking your clothes off rn so might as well use that to your advantage]
Janis: [‘so much’ in the weakest voice so we’re saying it again louder, hoarse ‘so fucking much, Casey’ just fucking ourself putting this phone down there so you can hear everything whilst we do ‘my top is off, you can do it’]
Casey: [‘cum for me first’ as if you’re so shy and you need the encouragement to get your own tits out, sir, we all think not ‘you can do it’ cos can literally hear how close that is to happening and you get to do it more than once without waiting gal so why wouldn’t you]
Janis: [‘oh fuck’ just being the most feral ‘are you proud of me?’]
Casey: [giving the same energy with his ‘so proud’ as she did with her so much without even trying cos you’re just feeling the same way about all of this ‘don’t stop, okay, I need you not to’ like you have also got cum again the same time as me, those are the rules, sorry]
Janis: [‘for you’ over and over hitting a crescendo when we cum the first time, whimpering after as we keep on touching ourselves ‘please, baby’]
Casey: [‘you know I fucking love you, don’t you?’ cos it’s true and we simply need you to be aware and have it spelled out as extra as he is in this feral moment]
Janis: [‘I love you’ ‘cos no chance we aren’t just blurting that out too]
Casey: [the effect it would have and always has on him, good lord, sorry to Ian’s neighbours, such a complete and utter loss of control that other people would be embarrassed about but not y’all]
Janis: [just laying here recovering, can only hear each other breathing]
Casey: [‘I think I’m gonna fall over’ and lowkey almost do because that was so much and he’s not alright on any level]
Janis: [‘stay still’ with all the feeling and our own exhaustion/headfuckery]
Casey: [‘maybe my hand is fucked’ as if that’s the reason you can’t stay upright lol cos drunk logic be like]
Janis: [‘mine is cramped’ panting still ‘we did that’]
Casey: [‘it’s my fault, I’ll sort it’ like we shall kiss that hand better for you ASAP cos we did make you keep going for us, do not worry]
Janis: [‘you can fuck me up like that any time’ like I am far from gutted about it, don’t you worry ‘are you really okay?’ ‘cos do be concerned of course, just in case it isn’t how intense that was]
Casey: [‘depends, you gonna get mardy with me if I throw up? ‘cause I might’ we’re aware it could be taken the wrong way and we’re not trying to say it’s a guilt or regret vomit]
Janis: [‘no’ lol a little ‘probably a good idea, aim it in her flower beds or whatever, like’]
Casey: [do actually because usually when you think you’re gonna be sick like that it’s pretty immediate]
Janis: [‘better?’ when you reckon he sounds like he’s done over there]
Casey: [‘really hurt, that’ like respect to you actually babe, soz if I ever even remotely took the piss out of you]
Janis: [just on the low like more than usual though like did Ian strangle you or something but can’t bring ourselves to ask right now so just doing a verbal shrug ‘you get used to it’ as if you’re ever likely to be puking every day for 12 weeks]
Casey: [realistically your stomach/ribs/chest either/or probably hurts thanks to him cos many of the injuries I’ve given Jimothy in that era attest to the fact Ian is the kind of bitch who likes to put the boot in when someone’s on the floor, but you don’t know that yet and you aren’t gonna have any bruises coming up for a minute so ‘Dunno why you’d wanna’ cos still can’t get our head round anyone wanting to be preggo and have kids rn despite our blatant new kink about it]
Janis: [we all remember the days, ugh; not this finally making us think about our husband ‘you’ve got no clue, still?’ Like wow rude as if you’re just such a great lay and shit just happened here, bants bants bants]
Casey: [‘alright, maybe I do a bit’ cos the kink do be undeniable soz]
Janis: [noise like there you go then ‘well done for saying you wanted to cum on my stomach, not in it’ like it won’t happen to you, no need to worry]
Casey: [‘shut up’ but more affectionate and playful than just writing that ever sounds lol]
Janis: [likewise can hear the smile in our voice when we eventually stop shutting up ‘probably shouldn’t speak to you in the car’]
Casey: Speak to me like this instead
Janis: Sure?
Casey: unless you don’t fancy it, like
Janis: I won’t be with him, easier for me, all I was thinking
Casey: you’ve been told about leaving your homo incest fantasies out of it
Janis: 🙄 sigh 😏
Casey: but if you’re knackered, I get it, I did do that to you
Janis: how was that
Janis: how did you
Casey: you’ve heard me before, you know
Janis: and I had nothing to do with it, did I not
Casey: I never said that, I said I’ve had loads of practice
Casey: I’m good, it’s a skill same as anything else
Janis: like everything else in life I’m just naturally gifted then
Casey: yeah, you are
Casey: though you did used to get your own fair bit of practice in, I heard
Janis: can’t talk about that
Casey: it’s alright, not keen to talk about him myself, gonna be a right dickhead about me being here
Janis: you can sit there and take it
Janis: you’ve already had it out with Ian
Casey: I’m not gonna start shit, I never do far as he’s concerned
Janis: I know
Janis: or we won’t be able to be mates
Casey: I can’t talk about that, if you’re having one
Janis: bit different though
Janis: but okay
Casey: I’d not hack us not being mates, not again
Janis: yeah, you better be my mate after that, dickhead
Janis: thought you was saying nah
Casey: I love you after that, dickhead
Janis: good
Janis: we can be best mates again
Casey: means you’ve still gotta kiss me, taste of sick or nah
Janis: yeah
Janis: he might wanna talk to me about your behaviour first, you know
Casey: wanna talk, him
Casey: nah, don’t sound right, mate
Janis: 😏 we’ll see then
Casey: I’ll not fake sleep the hour away, if he’s got sod all to get off his chest about his fave fucking subject he can say it direct to me, there’s another favour done for you
Janis: might not be fake 😴
Casey: oi
Janis: only teasing, you’re not allowed to sleep anyway
Janis: have to keep talking to you, won’t I
Casey: *wanna keep on
Casey: don’t you
Janis: you know I do
Janis: we like talking
Casey: I’ve missed it
Janis: me too, it makes me feel better
Casey: I feel better hearing that off you
Casey: it does my head in you feeling shit
Janis: backatcha, boy
Janis: especially when it’s my fault
Casey: I got you a cake, fuck’s sake, I forgot
Casey: not from [the place] but I promise it were still well good
Casey: where’s it gone to
Janis: you can tell me if you’ve eaten it all, I won’t get too pissy
Janis: as you’re cute enough to get away with it
Casey: bit rude to chuck them sort of accusations about when you’ve saw my sick and know I never
Casey: oh nah, hang on, you only heard, didn’t wanna watch
Janis: I did too wanna watch
Janis: not you vomming, though, probably alright for that bit
Casey: you can trust it wasn’t [whatever colour is her fave and thus was the colour vibe of this cake because we love you]
Janis: you were thinking about me even though you were really really mad at me
Janis: still being nice
Casey: There’s a chance I might’ve chucked it at you, I dunno
Janis: okay 🤡 energy
Janis: rude but fair, tbh
Casey: and you’d have more of a laugh eating it, could even get him bothered about you for a bit, maybe
Janis: you reckon, yeah
Casey: awkward that you still don’t reckon but you’d know, like
Janis: talking about him, as you were
Casey: alright
Janis: how’d you know
Casey: didn’t, thought he might’ve just gone mute then an’ all
Casey: before
Casey: after, I’ve worked out how impossible that’d be
Janis: true, we’ve all found out the house ain’t that big…
Janis: made sure of that
Casey: you’re welcome now I do know, never realised at the time just how much I’d be doing for you, mate
Janis: oh yeah, massive inconvenience for you
Casey: I’m glad it were a massive favour to you
Janis: don’t embarrass me, like
Casey: I know it don’t, that ain’t how you feel about it at all
Janis: how do I feel then
Casey: how you did for loads of the time we were in the car
Casey: and when you called me back
Janis: right now I don’t mind you knowing
Casey: how don’t he, mind or have no clue, what I’m doing on the other side the wall making you wet as that
Janis: I shouldn’t be anything but pissed off too
Casey: you are too
Janis: obviously
Janis: you’re very frustrating
Casey: not tonight
Janis: you’re gonna pass out when you get back
Janis: but you need to, it’s all good
Casey: piss off, I am not
Janis: alright, babe
Casey: leave it out, what I’m gonna do is keep making you cum til it’s you passing out
Janis: I told you, it wouldn’t be fair to you
Janis: if it happens, I want you to remember it all, very, very clearly, yeah
Casey: it ain’t fair to say I won’t, bighead
Janis: you dunno how drunk you are
Casey: nor do you, it were me what did it to myself
Casey: should give me more of an idea than you
Janis: once you got past 10, you were fucked
Janis: don’t be mad, there’s time
Casey: not gonna talk to you no more, see how mad you are
Janis: come on, I know you, I know you wouldn’t have gone to Ian’s unless you were in a really bad way and didn’t know where else to go
Casey: ages ago, I’m sorted since
Janis: I’m glad you feel a bit better
Casey: it’s all wearing off, I’ll be in a top state when I get back
Janis: alright
Janis: just let me double-check then, you won’t mind if it’s me
Casey: As it’s you, and you like that, an’ all
Janis: I’ve gotta take care of you
Casey: you can do your little nurse thing
Janis: very generous
Casey: just the best mate I am
Janis: did I tell you I missed you
Casey: tell me again
Janis: I missed you
Janis: getting to see you, even if we were just making awkward small talk and that was it
Casey: I were expecting it, to come down to the kitchen and you’d be there or on the sofa when I were off out for work, some bollocks
Janis: I should’ve not pussied out and just told you
Janis: I didn’t wanna say I was going and hear you say you didn’t care though
Casey: least it’s not been years
Casey: there’s already a Debbie everywhere I fucking look, have to get her to budge up for you
Janis: be a bit rude of me to make her
Janis: I’ll stick around
Casey: ruder of her, better be a really long, top quality postcard, time it’s taken
Janis: yeah
Janis: do you think she’s still about
Casey: don’t trust the people saying otherwise but that don’t mean they’re wrong
Janis: it’ll never not be a headfuck
Janis: you’ve coped better than you think
Casey: you’re the only dickhead believes that
Janis: it’s true though
Janis: plenty would’ve topped themselves or gone proper off the rails full time
Casey: she’d have let me in, however many other new kids she had, she would
Janis: ‘course, you were her favourite, I remember
Casey: I used to have a go at patching her up, how you wanna do
Janis: you must’ve felt weird, having to look after them instead of the other way ‘round
Casey: I didn’t mind, it was alright when it was only me and her
Janis: you could calm her down
Casey: once we had a bonfire of all Ian’s shit, dunno if I’d ever seen her happy as that
Janis: on the one hand nice on the other kinda fucked
Casey: sums her up
Casey: I dunno how to explain it, he wanted us to be small, but she’d let me be big, older than I were, as fuming as I fancied
Janis: that makes sense
Janis: I know I’d like that more too
Casey: if she hit you, you hit her back, and that was that, done, sorted out
Casey: he could never leave it and let it be that simple
Janis: he still can’t
Casey: could be having a laugh with her the next minute, when does he laugh, he don’t
Janis: his life’s a state and it’s everyone’s problem
Janis: he could’ve chatted to you, at least
Casey: I’d make drinks for her, bollocks ones, weird, with a bit of everything, like a game
Casey: and the one time I tried it with him I couldn’t lift nowt for ages
Casey: sums him up
Janis: I’m sorry
Janis: I wish she was still around for you instead of him
Casey: why’d she not take me, I get the others, but
Janis: I can’t tell you, just give you any and every guess you could make and have done
Casey: I’d have looked after her, I fucking did
Janis: you did
Janis: maybe she couldn’t take you, didn’t have a choice in any of it
Casey: Least your kid’ll know where he is, useless or nah
Janis: you really don’t think he’ll be a good dad
Casey: you don’t think he’s a good husband
Janis: that’s not an answer to my *?
Casey: yeah it is, why would he be when he’s doing pisspoor at a job that’d be loads easier
Janis: not like I’m a good wife back
Casey: he’ll have started it, typical him
Janis: don’t you start back there
Janis: be a good passenger and 🤫
Casey: you’ve already said, I won’t
Janis: I trust you
Casey: even though I lost your cake
Janis: bit gutted but yeah
Janis: still reckon you’re alright
Casey: I’ll go do the proper one, you’re still welcome and home, it counts
Janis: might have to wait ‘til they’re open
Janis: but I’ll work on being glad and you not feeling shit about it either
Casey: I obviously meant when they open, girl, gonna be a bit busy with you til then
Janis: be sorry state of affairs if you couldn’t compete with some cake, boy
Casey: how sorry are you that you haven’t tasted it or me
Janis: 🥺
Janis: that much, maybe
Casey: and I’m sorry I asked 💔
Janis: you would be sorry, if you were thinking about half the stuff I was now
Casey: that’ll be why I am
Janis: proper sorry
Casey: too sorry not to show you how much so you’ve gotta let me
Janis: tell me how
Casey: it’s a surprise, you wanted the cake to be and I ruined that
Janis: I could’ve just gone in with you
Casey: Nah, both our heads were right done in, would’ve been such a bad idea
Janis: probably
Janis: did you end up having a good night until you ended up at Ian’s then
Casey: didn’t get arrested, that’ll do, like
Janis: progress
Janis: what more can we ask for
Casey: tah for trying to balance out the bollocks I’ve had off Ian and am gonna have to hear from your husband an’ all
Janis: well Ian can’t be arsed to be a dad ever
Janis: have got him out of bed for an hours drive though so he can probably be a bit mardy with it
Casey: if you’d not said I’d gotta shut up I could’ve told him it was a practice run for when she’s older and off her face asking to be picked up ‘cause some dickhead lad’s dumped her or she’s fallen out with her mates
Janis: don’t think bringing her up would help your case there
Janis: though I’ve heard worse points
Casey: I’ll not say owt about her liking me more than him, don’t worry
Janis: well if you’re in a keeping secrets sort of mood, I’ll tell you
Janis: you already owe her an apology, like
Casey: oh shit, what for
Janis: we woke her up
Janis: when your heart beats faster it happens usually, it was such a weird feeling
Casey: was she kicking you the whole time
Janis: yeah
Casey: must be fuming, I’ll let her know I’m sorry soon as I get in, unless she’s gone back to sleep, better leave it then else
Janis: might wait up if I tell her her mates coming
Casey: she’d have to if I get your heart going again, I’d owe her a massive apology or she’d never forgive me though
Janis: you talk really nice to her
Janis: shouldn’t be no issue
Casey: ask her what she most fancies and I’ll see what I can do
Janis: I think I’m shit at it already
Casey: what, why would you reckon that
Janis: I’ve never talked to her like that, or thought to
Casey: you know what I’m like, gotta chat all the lasses up a bit
Janis: I dunno, not a natural at this
Casey: oi, come on, less of that
Casey: we could sing her a song, you ain’t shit at that and it’ll make up for me being so she might still wanna stay as mates
Janis: you know any decent nursery rhymes
Casey: piss off do I, only proper tunes
Casey: she’ll love them, not like other babies, her
Janis: don’t wanna come out of the womb uncool 😏
Janis: no child of mine
Casey: there you go, and that’s a song pick anyway, ain’t it, nearly
Janis: loads of good high notes for you to hit
Casey: I get it, you wanna work out if I can before you try and make me, too nice, you
Casey: practice 😏
Janis: I know you can already
Janis: unfortunately
Casey: not the full range and not with you, only for you
Janis: I really want it
Casey: let me give it to you then
Janis: what if it’s not as good as you’ve imagined
Casey: I keep telling you, I ain’t forgot who the fuck you are
Casey: you’ve barely touched me and it was better than anything I’ve ever thought about
Janis: we’re on the same page about that then
Janis: I could’ve
Casey: it weren’t just in my head, it happened, something between you and me, that’s all I want
Janis: there is something
Janis: it is, whatever it is
Casey: then I barely even care what we actually do
Janis: I just wanna touch you and have you touch me
Casey: it’s a date, 1 hour from whenever the fuck he shows his face
Janis: at least you came before he did
Janis: would’ve been awkward otherwise
Casey: how long’s it been since you sent him out
Janis: was a bit busy to be clockwatching, be pleased to hear
Janis: you first called [the time] apparently, so [a time he should be there from then ‘cos it was pretty immediate, is the vibe obviously]
Casey: I only ask ‘cause I’m feeling like it could still be an awkward car ride with everything you’ve got me thinking about
Casey: uncomfortable, like
Janis: can’t have that
Janis: how can we make you more comfortable
Casey: I know, it’s alright for you at home on your own, touching yourself whenever you want, only the baby to get pissed off with it
Janis: I can promise not to, if you want
Casey: I’m too nice to have you promise that, you’ll wanna break it so fast
Janis: It was hard not to in the car, nearly impossible
Casey: I swear I can hear the sounds of you on a loop in my head, it’s impossible to hear nowt else going on round here, good job that lot have all fucked off in ages ago
Janis: doubly good thing you’re not driving back yourself
Janis: I don’t know what I’d do if anyone tried to talk to me right now either, fucking hell
Casey: you know I can drive 1 handed but
Casey: yeah, probably not the best plan
Janis: you can at least give me both hands, boy
Casey: would whether they’re broken or nah, might get some weird angles happening for you and have to fuck them up again ‘cause you’re that into it
Janis: I’m not into you being hurt though
Janis: don’t make me 🥺 at you again
Casey: He ain’t been able to hurt me since I was [whatever age you were when you stopped him]
Casey: I’m alright
Janis: you’re brave
Casey: if you mean putting on the face, nah I’m not
Casey: I’d tell you if it were bad
Janis: you would, I know that
Janis: still checking you over but I believe you, he’s a pussy
Janis: obviously it’s just for my benefit but you’ve already said you’ll let me
Casey: he wouldn’t have got near me if I wasn’t out of it, fucking stupid of me
Janis: he knows better than to start on you if it’s looking like a fair fight
Casey: been an unfair fight for him since I was [a few years before the big fight when you clearly were already making it hard for him to actually beat you in any scenario ever]
Casey: these days you heard me say can’t call it one
Janis: you know what I mean
Janis: women and kids are more his speed
Casey: not even that now, how special were we, like 🏆
Janis: can’t see whatserface standing for that
Janis: not much of a catch these days either, never mind throwing that into the mix
Casey: be romantic if he stopped for her instead of just ‘cause he’s too knackered
Janis: not everyone can be a great romantic like you, mate
Casey: bet he tells her that’s why anyway, he did it for her and love and all that bollocks
Janis: better line than admitting you’ve settled
Casey: better line than the drink didn’t only kill my sex drive, love, it also sorted my urge to smack you about
Janis: 😏
Janis: way too old to crack out any more kids, thank fuck
Casey: she’s got loads herself, can steady on
Janis: yeah he’s well outnumbered
Casey: be another reason why he don’t hurt none of them, that amount of screaming’d do his head right in, never heard it before
Janis: don’t need to tell me
Janis: sisters are hell as is
Casey: I’ll cross my fingers next one’s a lad for you, they’ll get on better
Janis: cheers
Casey: but if it were me I’d keep her on her own and spoil her til she’s a proper dickhead so
Janis: that your official advice then
Casey: yeah, gotta have her back on side, and she’d love having that be her life
Janis: only children can be a bit weird though
Casey: not yours, already cool, remember
Janis: fair, might give birth once then refuse
Casey: can always refuse unless they knock you out, you’re alright, I won’t let Ian volunteer to do it
Janis: idea of his mug being there might frighten me into getting on with it
Janis: 😱
Casey: can’t have that being the 1st thing my bestie sees, tah very much
Janis: no one should have to deal with that, bloody hell
Casey: Are her eyes open or closed in there
Janis: might be a bit early but she will soon if she hasn’t
Casey: weird, where do you think she reckons she is, hearing my voice pissing about round her
Janis: it’s well weird, I still can’t get my head ‘round it and it’s happening in me
Janis: up north, obvs
Janis: be so thrilled when she realises otherwise
Casey: you’ll have to keep talking to her
Janis: I like your accent
Janis: maybe I’ll say nothing instead so she gets it
Casey: can’t have 2 mute parents, she’ll come out believing I’m her dad
Casey: what the fuck would I do, adopt her like them animals who get stuck with a duck when they’re a dog or something
Janis: Bob could illustrate the kid’s book about it, yeah
Janis: sounds well 😢🤗🥰
Casey: he would an’ all, be chuffed to bits with his new totally mute house
Janis: you two gonna piss off then
Casey: yeah ‘course, if I’m doing it I’ll do it proper, away from you bunch of dickheads
Janis: good luck to you, hand her over when they’ve wiped off all the blood and gunk
Casey: alright, it’s another date
Janis: you feel SO lucky, I know
Casey: I dunno what I’m gonna call her, too many lasses names’d be weird to use the way I’ve said ‘em
Janis: it’s the personal touches 🙄
Casey: gotta keep you informed, mate, it’s already a pisstake you can’t see owt that’s going on
Janis: I don’t wanna see, dickhead
Casey: such a good listener, you
Casey: all you ever wanna do
Janis: would you wanna watch me get fucked
Casey: depends who by
Janis: so anyone that’s not him
Casey: anyone’s probably going a bit far
Janis: unlikely gonna happen so just a hypothetical
Casey: maybe, if you wanted
Janis: have you ever done that
Casey: ‘course, watched it and been watched doing it
Janis: with other lads
Casey: with [uni gf obvs] and another lad, he didn’t touch me though and I never him
Janis: I get what you’re saying
Casey: I dunno, I wasn’t chuffed to bits but she wanted to do it
Janis: do you think you’d do it again or nah
Casey: if you’re dead keen to, we can
Janis: I’m not
Janis: well, I’ve not tried it but I don’t think I need to
Casey: I don’t rate it that high, but might just be me, how jealous I am
Janis: I’m a jealous person
Casey: let’s not then, she was to wind me up and I’m not trying to do that to you
Janis: not right now
Janis: you do a lot of the time
Casey: I can’t help it but I wish I was able to
Janis: it worked, you’re not a 🤏 proud
Casey: not right now
Janis: wasn’t trying to bring you off your high
Casey: It’s sad, it makes me feel sad
Janis: we can talk about anything else
Janis: you don’t have to be sad
Casey: yeah I do, I shouldn’t treat you like that, I shouldn’t want to
Janis: it’s complicated
Janis: you get wound up by me all the time too, even if I don’t mean it
Casey: it’s not, I love you, you don’t treat people you really love like that, it’s simple
Janis: yeah but you can’t love me, not like that
Janis: that’s why it’s not
Casey: but I shouldn’t have to start fucking you to not treat you like shit
Janis: nah but it’s not just because I won’t
Janis: it’s who I do instead
Janis: it’s a mess
Casey: yeah, we’re all fucked, aren’t we
Janis: I think we can admit that, yeah
Casey: some party this is, you’ll have to mute me in a sec
Janis: lose your number
Janis: it’s alright, been to worse
Janis: we’ve all been stressed
Casey: you gonna take the piss again if I say I’m tired, I don’t mean it in a sleepy way, just
Janis: no
Janis: I feel like even if I slept all day and all night, it’d still feel like that
Casey: I don’t wanna do this no more, be this dickhead
Casey: it’s such bollocks, it’s so
Janis: exhausting?
Janis: we can start sorting it, work out who you do wanna be, who you could
Casey: that’ll be exhausting too
Janis: yeah
Janis: starting to think life is, bit of a pisstake we weren’t warned
Casey: how’s everybody else not fed up of themselves, their own head
Janis: most are
Casey: meant to be having the time of my life, ain’t I
Janis: why, ‘cos you get to party more than average and fuck on girls
Casey: 22
Janis: I don’t reckon there’s anything that good about it
Janis: or any age, if you’ve got what you need and want, you’ll be alright, if not, you’re fucked
Janis: that’s simple, just not to work it out, necessarily
Casey: or get what you need and want
Janis: yeah, if this shit was fair, we’d all have a good shot at it but, it can be random
Casey: it can be a right pisstake
Janis: or you get it and it gets taken away
Casey: if you’re him, you get it then decide you don’t fancy it
Janis: not drunk enough to go there
Casey: You better not be, we’re not sending her back to bed like that
Janis: of course I’m not, give me a bit of credit, dickhead, meant to be my mate again
Casey: 😏
Casey: can go on and admit you’re not shit at it then, can’t you
Janis: not quite that shit
Janis: I decided to do this, not gonna fuck her up before she’s even here, be well harsh for making me feel like shit
Casey: especially when you don’t look it, she’s only doing you favours there
Janis: for you
Janis: think it makes him feel sick
Casey: what don’t, he’s always been a massive girl about everything
Janis: I didn’t see it coming
Casey: he’s just shitting himself, you had to see that coming ‘cause again, when’s he not
Janis: he could do it in his sleep
Janis: if anyone, I was worried about myself, not him
Casey: he’ll be worrying she’ll come out looking like Ian and he won’t love her for it, we all fucking do so
Janis: loads of dickheads are good looking, sad fact of life
Casey: Hang on, you think my dad’s fit
Janis: shut up
Janis: you all look like him, you said
Janis: his overall shit personality ruins it a bit, was my point 😏
Casey: oh mate, you do, you reckon he’s WELL fit
Janis: you’re such a twat, you
Casey: you’re so funny
Casey: good job you never met my mum, you’d lose it, she was the one everyone kept going on about for how she looked
Janis: don’t do girls so you don’t have to feel conflicted on that score
Casey: not even for my benefit, bit rude
Janis: if you want fake, yeah
Janis: sure anyone touching on you feels good but I’m not gonna actually fancy any girl, never have
Casey: I get it, I don’t wanna bum any lads
Janis: good thing my homo fantasies aren’t real or you’d have to close your eyes
Casey: Go on then, what fantasies do you have
Janis: we ain’t got time for all of ‘em, boy
Casey: give us your top 1 you keep going back to
Janis: it’s not like it’s even specific it’s just
Janis: you, touching you everywhere I possibly could and seeing every face you make and hearing every noise, then you being everywhere I could take you, feeling it all, tasting it
Casey: it’ll be a reality soon, I promise
Janis: you can’t promise that
Casey: I can and I have
Janis: I could think of something specific if I weren’t already feeling like
Janis: tell me yours then
Casey: it’s that now
Janis: cheating but
Janis: if you want it all too I’m the opposite of mad
Casey: what kind of dickhead would be after any less than all of you and everything you could do or hack having done to you
Janis: give a fuck about him, whoever he is
Casey: he’ll be here in a bit and I know you don’t
Janis: don’t
Casey: alright, but it’ll be true if I bother typing it or don’t
Janis: it just makes me sad, not gonna make me wanna fuck you
Casey: that ain’t the only reason I talk to you, but I said alright, so I’ll leave it out being a twat
Janis: it’s what we were talking about though
Janis: don’t need to make me feel bad about it, can do that myself easy
Casey: I don’t mean to
Janis: it’s fine, you’re wasted
Casey: I just don’t want him to be on his way here, but what the fuck am I taking it out on you for, I asked you to send him and it were me who got myself stuck
Janis: I get why you didn’t want me but yeah that’s the reality of that
Janis: he hasn’t got the energy to have a go, he doesn’t, it’ll be awkward and shit but apart from that you’ll be fine
Casey: I didn’t think you would if I said I wanted that
Janis: I would’ve but I shouldn’t so
Janis: you did the right thing, that part
Casey: I’m sorry for making you sad
Janis: it’s not you, it’s me, babe
Casey: nah, it’s my fault, but I’ll make you forgive me too, baby
Janis: baby now, is it
Janis: you want me to 😳
Casey: it is too cute when you do that, I wouldn’t be fuming about it, like
Janis: it makes me fuming
Janis: a bit
Janis: but I can get you to as well, makes it fair
Casey: I don’t mind if you are, never have, have I
Janis: nah, you’re a right windup, always have been
Casey: you’ve always been dead easy to wind up, nowt I can do about you walking into it
Janis: 1. I’ve always been well nice to you AND patient, even when you were a right little dickhead 2. Pot kettle an’ all, mate
Casey: I dunno how much it counts when you’ve gotta start counting
Casey: gonna have some patience when you get to 10 or what
Janis: I have plenty
Janis: you who keeps bringing up how long it’s been
Casey: you’ll not be bothered about having to wait ages to get a word back in now he’s here then 👍
Janis: 😏 enjoy your fake sleep, then
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tumblr swifties are just the best i love y’all
#i can't vibe with those on tiktok or instagram or twitter#this feels like home#i love our little community here#i joined a group chat that consists of local swifties and holy shit they're so annoying#you do not understand how annoyed i am#i thought it'd be a good idea to join as i was hoping i could make some friends irl#but they're just incapable of talking about anything besides taylor#i know its a swifties group chat but still???#most of them are really young and i'm not saying they're immature but they're just SO ANNOYING#they're spamming non stop like they seriously have nothing to do....#they actually spend the entire day talking about taylor...#and the way they talk... i wanna kms#they make me not want to have anything associated with taylor anymore#but that's just a feeling and ofc i won't actually do that#i mean ofc i'll always love taylor and it's nothing to do with her#but you know what i mean#too much of anything can make you sick#ami.txt
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