#you literally havent shown us any of the shit you are making such a big deal about resolving in this scene?? i feel fucking nothing???

[blinkpen]

another huge problem with viv's writing is she was so damn impatient to just get to the part where the status quo gets shaken up and revel in it she decided to just fucking teleport there and failed to spend any time at all establishing a status quo TO be shaken up and so literally nothing in the show feels earned and everything feels rushed and confusing constantly as the tracks get laid in front of the train as its rolling

this is something i call "narrative speedrunning" and it is something you literally can never go back and fix, and that's a big part of why heckuva badshow is kind of unsalvageable and was doomed to be from the very beginning, which, like,

[mr krabbs voice]

i warned ye!

#hhhhverse tag of spite #the truth seekers episode is hilarious for this #like #time to resolve moxxie's character arc about being too meek and not speaking his mind to blitz! #what character arc. he doesn't even have that issue. we have literally never seen him back down from speaking his mind #he just get buttmonkey'd whenever he does. and then he still does it? #him bitching and objecting to what blitz does and says is what. 90% of their dialogue #the pilot Opens with him arguing with blitz. the first episode was him defying blitz Repeatedly. he talks back All The Time. #what the fuck are you talking about Big Sad Emotional Heart to Heart moment #you literally havent shown us any of the shit you are making such a big deal about resolving in this scene?? i feel fucking nothing??? #hello??? #i never watched this show for fun but to Study It it's like a How To Not Guide for SO MANY things holy shit

[vrisrezis]

Aot characters with a crush and in a relationship (spoilers for all the anime tbh) (HAVENT proof read sorry for any mistakes)

- compliment her at all and she’s a blushy mess

- showing gratitude towards her also makes her blush

- she is protective, acts like a mom sometimes since she’s always making sure you’re eating, sleeping etc. she is very worried for your health usually and if you’re anything like eren she has to constantly look after you

- not good at comforting or affection; she would be very flustered if you hugged her though

- quite protective in general but especially with you

- you’re her top priority in battle and at times it clouds her judgement

- if somebody ever hurt you she will attack them unless somebody stopped her

- she is very jealous also, like if anyone took an interest in you she is very annoyed by them so quick dude

- kinda tries to get rid of the person and get you to stop talking to them, she just tries anything she can to get you to stop talking to them if she felt they were truly a threat

- probably gets jealous of Annie

- would blush ofc if anyone suggested her liking you

- would feel betrayed if armin or eren liked you (honestly she’d be so pissed omfg)

- probably would “accidentally” grab your hand somehow, or even to grab your hand to help you up, or to stop you, etc. she tries so hard to be subtle but she is not subtle

- she adores you though for real, anybody can see it as it’s quite obvious ...

- she holds such a attachment to you it doesn’t feel right not having you around she’s kinda clingy..

- she holds in her feelings for a long time because she doesn’t wanna ruin what you have + being in a war and shit really doesn’t help

- she’s scared to lose you, she lost her family already and almost lost eren so she’s very scared to lose you

- actually that’s how she confessed, she confessed how scared she was to lose you after a nightmare she had and ending up telling you her feeelings and you’ve been together since

- being affectionate is something she isn’t amazing at, but she will try since she’s dating you now

- she is overal very shy, you probably have to initiate most things but after awhile will initiate small things like holding hands

- she likes when you’re affectionate though, and she will tell you that if you ask

- comforting her after a nightmare is a common occurrence, apparently insomnia runs with the ackermans ...

- while she may not be the best with comforting she will do whatever you want, speaking of which she in general will do whatever you ask of her

- loyal to the bitter end it seems <//3

- still a blushy gal

- she just looks at you so lovingly with a smile, she loves you so much

- jealousy is a thing within your relationship but it’s not too common.. but sometimes it happens and she gets possessive and doesn’t know what to do

- still protective, she sleeps with you now and when you don’t she gets paranoid. She gets really worried if youre ever in any distress also

- she adores your hugs the most, please just hug her please she hasn’t felt a proper hug in years

- after this is all over, she really just wants you two to live together and have a normal domestic life. She wants kids too, she truly just wants to be a normal girl with you.

- with a crush she is not shy unlike mikasa.. she is actually pretty straight forward with her advances and doesn’t beat around the bush about it

- she is very flirty, and will often state she likes you or wants to date you etc

- always protective of you, with how much she flirts maybe she makes it seem like she wants to have a one night stand or something. She shows in other ways she cares for you and is protective

- even before dating can be physically touchy, wrapping an arm around you often. Maybe a kiss on the forehead or cheek, maybe she grabs your hand. That’s when she’s having a good day though.

- she opens up about most things with you ... most things.. doesn’t open up about the titan thing for a long time

- she doesn’t bother to hide anything in terms of her feelings for you, she doesn’t think of relationships and love as weakness and feels no reason to hide your relationship

- she makes it very apparent though she would kill anyone for you if you desired (except historia)

- if anyone threatens you she is killing on sight

- when she’s absolutely sure she is in love with you is when she decides to date you, though she mainly holds back on formally dating you because you could die at any moment

- she literally just asks you out since by now she knows you like her, full confidence but with a soft smile

- now she’s just really affectionate and loving, hand holding at (almost) all times, kisses on the forehead and cheek are still there of course but we all know kissing your lips is her favorite

- she tells you she wants to marry you after all of this is over, you can only hope.

- while showing a much more vulnerable and soft side is rare she shows it when you two are alone and she’s feeling a certain way (take that as you will)

- she’s a big cuddler honestly

- nightmares are often but never wants to admit to it or ask for help, just stay awake with her and help her back to sleep anyways.. she’ll appreciate it more than you know

- as shown by previous statements is very protective of you and honestly would not like anybody that did not like you

- while not overly lovey dovey she has her moments

- she makes you promise her if she dies you better not give up on your life

- but she doesn’t plan on dying anytime soon

- still flirty with you of course but it’s much more cocky/confident (while yes she sounded like that before dating it’s more genuine now, she was kinda worried for awhile you didn’t like her)

- if anyone shows interest in you she is kicking their ass I stg she is such a jealous bitch

- she calls you an idiot affectionately if that was even possible

- “my idiot” like ok girl

- Reiner likes you guys together he adores y’all and so does historia (he probably likes y’all together so he has a better chance with historia)

- just spending alone time at night is your idea of a date since you can’t really go on dates

- trains with you often, especially if you’re weaker than her she can use it as an excuse to help you train

- she ends up just flirting with you the whole time though

- are you clumsy? No? Doesn’t matter you are now because she will constantly make you trip and fall only to mysteriously always be the one to catch you ;)

- she already asked you to marry her all you guys have to do is survive <//3

- usually when flirting it’s about how hot you are, she never really gets sentimental but when she does it’s very sweet

- so many times she’s caught looking at you lovestruck she’s secretly a nerd

- first glance at you and she’s like “that’s the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen wtf”

- and ever since clings to you like her life depends on it

- fr this girl is a huge simp

- she has a habit of randomly grabbing your hands

- totally not because she just wants to hold your hands

- she likes you so much she will even share her food with you

- sometimes can’t help but blush, it’s always embarrassing to know how flustered she can get around you

- at times can be protective, but really only in battle. How can you expect her not to though?

- often finds excuses to spend time with you, even if Connie and Jean are around it doesn’t matter as long as she’s with you

- Connie definitely teases her about her obvious crush on you, bonus points if you’re oblivious because he will do it even more often

- hugs you randomly

- does stupid shit to impress you, just embarrasses herself

- doesn’t stfu about you when talking to Jean and Connie

- confessing takes a long time, honestly it takes a lot of Jean and Connie convincing her to just tell you already since they’re sick of her embarrassing herself in front of you or just gushing over you

- when confessing, it was simply her telling you how she felt and offering you some meat.

- in a relationship she’s pretty much the same but doesn’t hide how she feels, now not only is she gushing about how much she loves you to your face, but even moreso with Connie and Jean, and embarrassing herself increases... Connie and Jean truly regret their life decisions now

- dates aren’t common for people like you guys but she will just be like let’s eat meat alone together and that’s your idea of a date.

- often goes to you for help when she does something stupid and needs help... like eating all the food

- it’s hard for her not to get bored on certain missions, so you keep her entertained

- honestly you have to keep her from falling asleep

- she tries to goof off with you too much and it gets you both in trouble

- PDA is a big yes if you’re comfortable

- cheek kisses are common

- if she’s ever scared she’ll cling to you, like FR you always make her feel safe and protected.. (even if she’s the one to save you often no matter the situation you make her feel safer)

- always holding hands with you pleass

- she wants to get the war over with so y’all can live together maybe with Connie too

- links arms with you so often

- her idea of being romantic is just sharing meat with you but like at the same time? Yknow that Disney movie with the two dogs sharry spaghetti ? Yeah that’s y’all with meat and bread

- she likes to think she can impress you with her skills but you’re usually the one saving her ass from Titans and her gushing over how strong you are

- you can call her anything even insult her it doesn’t matter she will gush anyways... heart eyes for you all the time wow ..

- loves squishing your cheeks she thinks it’s cute

- where do I even begin? This girl ... she will do absolutely anything for you, she is so sweet she will just .. do whatever you tell her to

- as long as she sees that it benefits you...

- she can be quite blushy at times though

- she will be so sweet to you, even if you’re a shit. Sure, she’ll have a few things to say about it but she adores you so much she lets it slide and is nice to you

- she’s very touchy physically when liking you, although a bit shy about it she tries to make it seem friendly

- she hates liking you though because we all know she’s a whole ass lesbian that’s a queen and will be forced to marry a guy so ... can’t say she exactly likes that she likes you so much

- she’s not protective as she’s aware of your abilities, she doesn’t feel the need to be and it’s likely you’re tougher than her anyways

- worries for you a lot though, mainly when it comes to how your mental health is

- if youre ever in a tough situation she tries to help any way she thinks she can help

- she doesn’t really tell you how she feels, she thinks it’s just pointless since you might not even like her

- ymir has to egg her on and it eventually works because damn she’s getting on her nerves

- when she does she’s all blushy and feels bad that she can’t offer you much other than food, it’s very heartfelt and sweet though how could you resist?

- while other soldiers might be aware of your relationship for awhile, upon becoming queen it’s mainly a secret

- you will have lots of “midnight talks” which totally aren’t you two kissing and doing whatever...

- probably your own way of having a date though tbh

- she’s gonna be “forced” into pregnancy, if you’re willing to help her raise the child she will be very happy.. your relationship is very much a secret but she sees nobody else the way she sees you

- but back onto general hcs

- cuddling with you often, she likes feeling safe and small with you

- sings you to sleep if you can’t sleep.. she’s good at it

- cheek kisses.. so many cheek kisses

- Eskimo kisses

- she thinks they’re cute leave her alone >:(

- she can’t help but feel happier whenever you’re around, no matter what happens as long as she has you she can always be happy in the end

- you’re just... so special to her :(

- Reiner so jealous ... maybe ymir too..

- having her jump into your arms and you twirling her in the air? Common occurrence

- you calling her princess? Also common . Could be a cute nickname or something sarcastic she hates who knows

- smushes your cheeks together she is such a dork

- just loves you so much, looks at you with so much love.. like you’re the only person in the world

- she wishes you could go on normal dates so bad though

- has a habit of gushing about you to people ..

- everybody ships yall hard though

- initially doesn’t get what she’s feeling, she’s never liked somebody in the romantic sense so you can’t blame her for not understanding her feelings

- however she is actually nice to you, although she’s got her usual scary face on she doesn’t say mean things to you

- she looks out for you often, and wouldn’t hesitate to tell you that she missed having you around (like ex missing training with you because you’ve been injured)

- pretty honest with you about a lot and how she cares for you, but doesn’t tell you the extent of how much she cares for you

- very protective

- if you got yourself injured she’s angry, will kill whoever got you injured (unless it’s one of your comrades) but would beat the shit outta them

- but would yell at you too

- her feelings are kinda obvious since she would blush if you touched her physically, she’s practically dying inside

- if you’re nice to her it just makes her so blushy but so happy that she might just smile a little

- you pay attention to her and she’s all mushy inside

- she’s not sure how she feels approaching you about her feelings especially if you’re the enemy but she does so anyways because she can’t ignore her feelings any longer. She holds in her emotions for so long and eventually can’t hold it in

- she tells you straight up how she feels, and that’s the end of it. She doesn’t ask if you wanna date, that’s all it is.

- dating you though makes her nervous. Before entering the relationship opens up completely about being a titan, and her whole situation. If you stick with her anyway she’s happy and loves you very much.

- poor bertholdt

- she’s not good with being affectionate so please initiate most things, she will learn and will be more affectionate as time goes by

- she’s very sweet with you so

- smiles a lot, loves holding your hand and cuddling you

- she’s a big softly with you honestly

- does not like you around historia, she’s very jealous of her low key lol

- she likes being able to protect you, if you try to protect her she will most likely feel embarrassed unless you’re known to be stronger or as strong as her

- stays up late at night with you just talking about whatever

- gushes about how she loves you to your face but only when you’re asleep

- it’s the only time she can let her real feelings for you out okay?

- she’s very blushy around you tho gonna be real

- say you love her? She’s a blushy mess

- “don’t you ever get tired of saying embarrassing shit like that”

- she’s protective and hates the idea of you getting hurt but also would not hesitate to kick your ass if you almost got yourself killed or something and an ass kicking from Annie is not something you’d want

- forehead kisses she loves so much

- she’s kinda unaware of how others may feel towards her but is painfully aware if others like you

- would not hesitate to threaten or blackmail

- stares at you a lot.. she loves you pls .. if you say anything about it she not only stops but probably tells you to fuck off or something

- she hates loving you sometimes because it can be seen as weakness but she can’t help it sadly

- they are so clingy! Even when you guys are just friends.. they can’t help it though! You make them very happy and they wanna be happy more often than not !

- finds excuses to spend time with you, many people think you’re their assistant rather than moblit because of how much time you spend together.

- they have no fear nor shame, they aren’t against side hugging or hugging in general to be honest

- while yes they get excited about titans to the point of blushing, they get that same excitement around you or even when you’re just mentioned

- always tons of compliments are sent your way, they want you to know how amazing you are !

- they do whatever they can to make sure you’re alive and well, they do a lot of checkups with you as well. Hange is the closest the survey corps has to a doctor, they’re mostly experienced in that field so it’s not like they’re bad for having that be the case.. however..

- this also means people come in sick which means you could get sick! So they do anything they can to prevent that.. after all you being sick means less time with you and that’s not ideal to be honest

- have the tendency to grab your wrist or hand... totally not cuz they like you that would be absurd ..

- whenever they get excited about titans and whatnot they talk to you about it since you’re the only one that listens and doesn’t seem bothered

- they don’t realize their feelings for you, they’re smart but they’re an idiot when it comes to love.. at least with them. If anyone else liked somebody they’d realize, but when it comes to liking somebody, or somebody liking them they’re so oblivious.

- Levi had to push them into asking you out to begin with

- they were nervous, they know how dangerous this job is.. love isn’t ideal... relationships aren’t always something you can do..

- also on top of that you might not even return their feelings

- when they ask you out they simply confess and tell you how they feel, however they tell you they understand that there are some issues within having a relationship with eachother

- when you say yes though they’re very happy and overjoyed

- big cuddlebug, they cannot help it

- always clings to you, constant hand holding

- kissing on your cheek? Often

- cute kisses in general yeah

- like historia, Eskimo kisses >:]

- when being introduced to new people always introduced themselves and then you as their s/o like everytime “this is my wonderful, amazing, perfect s/o!! Y/n!”

- let’s you do their hair in the morning

- speaking of which they’re so clingy you guys probably just sleep together now like they’re just ... they love always being around you

- not too protective, they put a lot of faith in you (maybe too much faith)

- doesn’t shut up about you, they could gush about you for literally hours... even days

- they’re always so happy around you, even in s4 when the war starts to take its toll on them

- they always feel safe and comforted when they’re with you and that’s all that matters to them

- they’re a bit more protective after they lose moblit and Erwin though... can you blame them? They lost important people

- somehow more clingy, (not in front of yelena, onyankopon, they refuse to be lovey around them, and zeke too of course)

- however yes other than that overly clingy, always touching you somehow

- or asking you if they could ever be as good as Erwin, why he would even choose them, etc. they really don’t believe they deserve their position so please remind them he chose them for a reason

- they love you SOO much

- she can’t help but wanna always be around you, you bring her this sense of peace... something she can’t exactly always have

- she cares a great deal for you, to her you’re something special and she needs to keep around as long as possible

- stares at you lovingly quite often

- not against hugging you randomly either

- wants to always be by your side but also fears coming off too strong as she doesn’t want her feelings being too obvious

- she kinda doesn’t like the idea of being a warrior anymore, she understands the great honor and all that.. but she would’ve liked to live long with you

- she deems you as precious, so she often goes the extra mile to keep you protected and safe

- often hangs around you, porco gets curious as to why she doesn’t hang around him as much till he realizes she found somebody she loves

- he totally tries to get her to ask you out by the way.. there’s no time like now when either of you could die at any moment

- she eventually decided that she agrees with him and asks you out, probably got you some flowers or something you’d like as well..

- as a girlfriend she usually is quite relaxed with you, so she is a big cuddlebug

- usually on top of you while cuddling so she can kinda be on all fours

- not against squishing your cheeks, she loves doing that she thinks it’s cute

- often holding your hand or arm in some way, she needs to she hates not being able to you have become her lifeline

- she would do absolutely anything she could to keep you safe and protected

- dates aren’t often, but who said they couldn’t happen? She likes taking you out on pizza dates

- sometimes gushes about you to porco, he is the only one that will listen and even if he acts annoyed it makes him happy that she has somebody she loves and cares for so much

- often may follow you blindly though, honestly if you wanted to switch around and join up with Levi and the others she would be all for it (reluctantly but yeah, she follows you no matter what)

- that’s cause she cares for you more than she’s ever cared about anybody and will willing do whatever you want her to do

- would sacrifice everything for you she is so giving when it comes to you it’s like something porco has never seen before jfc

- so he definitely warns you of this newfound power and not to abuse it or he will kill you 😁

- okay but seriously despite her unhealthy habits with giving way too much, she adores you and wants what’s best for you she is a sweetheart

- very loyal, even if you tried to push her away

- since she is very smart on the battlefield, if she senses danger of some kind she will make sure you’re away from all of that

- she’s just protective of you at times, she’s scared to lose you sooner than she has to

- I feel like pieck gets flirted with often, due to her strength because she’s the cart titan and being admired but also because hey she’s pretty cute ... jealous you ensues

- she will comfort you though and give you tons of kisses she loves you babe :(

- lots of kisses from her in general though !

- probably suggests just living together cuz she always is around you and just is a clingy baby

- she likes being swung around in your arms, or swinging you around in her arms

- she wishes she met you sooner though, maybe she would’ve never became a titan and you could’ve lived a long life together

#aot x reader #attack on Titan x reader #snk x reader #pieck x reader #hange x reader #mikasa x reader #Annie x reader #ymir x reader #historia x reader #Sasha x reader

[creacherkeeper]

im getting a little too in my family feels today and so INSTEAD of feeling those im just going to ramble for a second about why i fucking love paladin!aelwyn because. im. just like this i guess im coping leave me alone

cw for discussions of child abuse, maladaptive coping, drugs and alcohol, self harm, destructive tendencies, basically everything we see in canon and the implications

aelwyn is ... SO interesting to me because for as much of her interiority as we see, as much of her as we think we understand, as much as i could ramble about her character for hours, we know ALMOST NOTHING about her in actuality?? (besides ... one key thing)

(this is like 2k and probably incoherent someone please stop me)

okay. listen. almost everything we see aelwyn do in s1 is maladaptive rebellion against her parents and home life. the drinking, the drugs, the partying, perhaps some of kalvaxus (though i dont think we fully understand how much of that was forced on her as well, kalina WAS watching her when she was talking to adaine about it). you can say like, oh aelwyn is a party animal, she's impulsive, she makes risky decisions, she's bitchy and rude, and its like. okay but IS SHE ACTUALLY. because under her parents thumb she had an EXTREMELY limited amount of freedom, and usually when people are suffering from very little control over their life, they WILL act destructively over the tiny bit they can, either harming themselves or their environment or people lower than them in the pecking order, because in a way, that feels like a reclamation of autonomy. saying "you have so much power over me but can you stop me from hurting myself and destroying what you havent managed to claim yet?". its just like, kind of what human brains do and frequently has little to do with a persons actual personality or impulses, its just. desperate brains trying to control SOMETHING because autonomy is a fundamental human need and when thats taken away we get. very bad off. (this is one big reason eating disorders are SO common with abused kids.) so i think a lot of the s1 aelwyn we see is like. this is a very desperate, abused teenager "acting out" in the only way it is possibly somewhat safe for her to do so because, on a psychological level, the self destruction is weirdly the only emotional tether and its either this or just dissociate all the time (something we do see she has problems with in canon)

and yes, she did treat adaine horribly in s1. she fully did. obviously what we get in canon is what happens but a moment thats interesting to me is in episode 1 where adaine has attacked aelwyn several times, who either does nothing or just bounces it back, when she says "i never cast spells at you" and siobhan immediately retcons it and says "yes you do, all the time" (i havent gone back and watched this bit so i might be wording this wrong). obviously its an improv show and the canon is built between performers as they go, but that was interesting to me. that brennan hadnt intended for her to have fought back in that way. she definitely feeds into the emotional abuse from their parents and participates in all the toxicity there, but we know in canon that she did that because of overwhelming fear and self preservation. and that her self hatred because of it just fed back into the cycle and made her feel like she wasnt good enough to even try to break free from it. this is very common in golden child/scapegoat sibling relationships where the golden child SEES what the parents are capable of and becomes a participant in the abuse out of fear for their own standing. in any way siding with the scapegoat child not only directs abuse at themselves as well, but frequently makes things WORSE for the scapegoat because the parents will take out the challenge to their power on them even more. so, if aelwyn DID ever try to defend or help adaine when they were small, she would have VERY QUICKLY learned that made things worse for everyone. and just. sectioned that part of her brain off, as she's done with so many other things. (and i dont think im reading too much into the forest scene with the abernants to say their parents were VERY QUICK to turn abuse towards aelwyn if she stepped out of line even a little. like, you dont flinch when a hand moves unless. you know. dont need to say it just something to think about. as far as we saw in canon, she had done everything they asked of her leading up to the forest, and we DONT KNOW what happened in it but we do know brennan specifically called out how in broken spirits she was when adaine was summoned, even though they did the ritual to avoid all of the nightmare bullshit)

(the house party is literally a whole separate post but i think its fair to point out that 1) she was super under the influence when that was happening which DEFINITELY is in no way an excuse for her behavior but worth remembering when trying to analyze that 2) her losing that fight did canonically have DRASTIC consequences for her and even if she didnt know exactly how that was going to turn out, i think she knew how bad it might be. and she did not know adaine or any of the bad kids were going to be there in the first place)

all that said, it feels in some ways counterproductive to say that aelwyn is an extremely devoted and protective person (yes we're getting to the paladin shit i know i've been rambling a while) but i think that thats strangely ALL WE ACTUALLY KNOW ABOUT HER. because we've established that her self-destructive and abusive behavior in s1 is almost entirely psychologically scripted for her by her parents, we dont know how much of her villain shit in s1 was LITERALLY UNDER THREAT OF DEATH because we know at least killing the oracle was and we dont know how much of the rest of it was mandated by either her parents or kalina other than that she probably was under orders not to tell adaine the truth, and we know participating in all of this caused extreme self loathing in her that she refused to show to anybody and was too terrified to act on in any way

so, like. what does that actually leave us?

here's what we do know about aelwyn:

- of all the schools of magic, she went into abjuration

- the entire bbeg plan from season 1 hinged on aelwyn's complete faith that her level 1 sister was the most prodigious diviner in the world

- right after (?) the house party, she locked her memories where only adaine could find it with a note basically saying "theres so much bad blood between us but i know only you could find this"

- she desperately wanted to protect adaine and the fact that she was too afraid to do so made her hate herself (and her knowing that adaine now knows this is the turning point in their relationship)

- despite everything, even in the nmk forest, she still loved her parents

- the SECOND she is shown genuine love and affection and care from adaine, and adaine says whatever you do, i am here with you, all her actions from there forward are just about protecting adaine from their father, very nearly at the cost of her own life

- with what she probably thought were her last words (and would have been if adaine hadnt given her the tincture), all she wanted to communicate was how to help adaine and the bad kids, and how despite everything she had always believed in her

- at five levels of exhaustion, unconscious, she used her first spell slot after nine months of torture to build a shield around adaine

NOW we get to paladin!aelwyn. because, once everything is stripped away, the abuse and the control and the maladaption and the threats and the torture, EVERYTHING we ACTUALLY can glean about aelwyn's personality and inner core is that she's protective and devoted. and of course classes arent locked by personality, but that just screams paladin to me. its her WHOLE THING. adaine even says "wizards dont have heals, we dont care about other people" and of COURSE that isnt true for either of them, but? mechanically? aelwyn chose the wizard school that DID let her protect, and DID let her help, but i dont think, at this point, going forward, thats really going to be enough for her (and we could also talk about the parallels between them, how often adaine uses her portents to help other people)

i think a lot of the different reads on aelwyn come from this fundamental disconnect between her actions and displayed personality vs who she actually is and what she actually wants. and i think there are very different interpretations of what thats going to look like for her going forward. but i think, for a girl who's most hated characteristic about herself was her self preservation at the detriment of others, her perceived selfishness, and her fear ... isn't choosing to be braver and more selfless and more protective and shedding that self-preserving instinct for the betterment of others ... and MECHANICALLY being able to act on all those things ... the logical next step? i think its going to be a LONG TIME before aelwyn can love herself, but what other way is there to try? if adaine loves her, and adaine believes she can be better, isnt being better because she trusts adaine kind of a form of self love? saying, i dont believe in myself, but i believe in the person who believes in me, and maybe, in a roundabout way, thats the same thing. she was never able to TRY to be better before, because trying to improve even a little, even when people arent watching, when a harmful force has so much power over you and your actions ... like, the mental dissonance is honestly TOO much to even try, thats WAY more terrifying than letting yourself be bad, to the point where thats psychologically impossible for a lot of people. but now she actually has space and freedom and CHOICE and she CAN embrace the instincts she always had to shove down, she CAN be the person she knows her sister needed her to be

i dont know, i think theres an inherent love letter to yourself in wanting to be better and wanting to improve, even if you justify it by saying its for someone else. and now aelwyn actually CAN improve, and thats probably going to be extremely awkward and scary and there will be set backs and backslides for sure. but. i dont know. i think she wants to make up for lost time. because she never wanted the time to be lost in the first place. and if a protector is who she always wanted to be, whats stopping her from being that now?

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #aelwyn abernant #WHO LET ME WRITE ALL THIS #does this even. fucking. make sense. who knows. #THE BRAINROT THE BRAINROT THE BRAINROT

[1990jeevas]

Plesse tell me about queerness in the get down!!

okay okay queerness in the get down let's fuckn goooo

disclaimer: I havent watched this show in full for like 5 months at least, probably gonna get something wrong and/or forget some more important bits. also this wasnt proof read I just word vomited

tws: period typical homophobia, abuse mention, f slur use, bury your gays trope, overdose mention, mention of a creepy possible age gap (the age gap hasnt been confirmed so that's why its possible), cops

going from least to most prominent queer characters, let's start with mylene cruz!

so, from the beginning of this show she has an established romantic relationship with ezekiel (although the status of their actual relationship changes frequently throughout the show) and though this was a relationship she was hesitant to pursue, it is clear that she does have romantic feelings for him and if not for them both having growing careers in very different music genres (zeke specifically working in a genre that she repeatedly labels as bad because she thinks they're ruining records + that it isnt real music because they're using someone elses piece and rapping over it, that's not really important here tho lol) they probably wouldve had a much healthier, smooth sailing romance. that being said theres a few things that happen in the show that, while not explicitly clear, or even really good coding at that—to the point where you wont catch if you really arent looking for it (and trust me, I always look for coding, hers was just so little that it flew over my head until I saw someone else mention it)—are still cool to think about!

so, for starters, I wanna mention the toy box performance, which was performed by mylene and regina, who are best friends. that's all cool and shit, and you dont really think much about it...until you hear about the fact that the show runners purposely colored a lot of the scenes in that performance with the bi colors. like. the writers after the show ended basically said "oh yeah there was plans to make her coding more explicit, but our shit got cancelled soooo" and then dropped the fact that she was gonna be bi (or at least implies bi) in the series, which puts a new twist on a few things.

now, besides the bi coloring in the background of the toy box performance (which was mostly on scenes with her and regina, which involved a lot of uh,, lowkey lewd dancing. with each other. in very revealing outfits. wooooo), there's her music! I dont tend to read too much into this one bc, like I said before, her coding is fucking light and the writers themselves said they didnt really get to do much with it, but I think some stuff with her music is interesting. specifically how her, yolanda and regina's song set me free blew up because dizzee, resident (lowkey enby coded) bicon, got their song played in a queer club. also that the song was majorly important to dizzee and started playing literally right as he kissed a boy for the first time and realized "oh shit I like boys that's bonkers". also that the song can be taken in a gay way since literally the entire thing is about becoming your true self, fully and unapologetically, which is what both dizzee and mylene's entire character arcs are about. dizzee (and a lot of other queer people, apparently), heard this song about being set free and it resonated with them so much that they got that shit most of its popularity.

speaking of dizzee and mylene, they parallel each other a lot in the way that their arcs are about them realizing who they are, coming into themselves and no longer just letting people treat them like shit in a sense (dizzee starting to tell people essentially that they can call him weird all they want, they can make fun of how he acts, what he likes, how he dresses, etc. but he likes how he is and quite literally saying "it's okay to be an alien" as he has consistently compared himself to one throughout the show vs mylene learning that if she wants to be a disco singer she needs to put her foot down, not let anyone, not even the love of her life, not even her abusive father, stop her from achieving her dreams, etc. and continuing to pursue her career with or without their support). one more little parallel that I think is interesting is during I think s2 towards the end of the show is when dizzee and thor are shown together having fun with each other, painting all over the building and each other and are basically just being happy and in love together and then they have these clips of them being interspersed with clips of mylene at a party where she is starting to realize that if she wants to get anywhere she needs to be her own main priority and that she needs to put her career and her dream, which is what makes her the happiest, above all else if she wants to succeed. idk I just think how the show made these two into a weird parallel, accidental or not, is neat. maybe not an explicitly queer parallel, but I think at least how her music and whatnot helped dizzee, the main queer character in this show, blossom, is important.

moving on we got shaolin fantastic also known as "oh no your internalized homophobia is showing-"

so, heres a quick list of...interesting shao facts:

Consistently referred to as fag/faggot (shaolin fanfaggot is my personal favorite); he gets really defensive about this despite nobody actually thinking he's queer, it's just people being assholes to be assholes, and he is the only character consistently referred to using a slur, especially a homophobic one, especially for a "straight" character. dizzee, a canonically queer character, is called a fag less than shaolin is even though dizzee actively goes to gay clubs, has a not so secret dude he "hangs out with" and wont let anyone properly meet, paints his nails, wears less than straight clothes even by the 70s standards and is just all around the definition of fucking queer (and I mean like in the weird way, not the gay way). in fact theres only like once I can remember him being called a fag and it had nothing to do with him actually being gay it was literally just like thrown out there the same way you would call someone a bitch.

Has only shown sexual interest in women, yet refuses to have deeper relationships with women in general (possibly because of trauma but who knows) but takes his relationships with his "brothers", specifically zeke, very seriously

Tells zeke and zeke ONLY his real name when zeke was planning to stop being his friend bc shao more or less got boo boo, a like 14 year old black kid, arrested for selling hard drugs; he was clearly scared and trying to do anything to keep zeke around, literally chasing him down the street and hounding him until he got zeke to stop and argue with him

Kept threatening to beat up zeke in the end but couldn't actually bring himself to do so, instead saying that zeke is "fucking lucky" before walking away

Let's zeke get away with things that nobody else can, in general just has a weird soft spot for ezekiel that he shows with nobody else

when shao found dizzee with thor in a vaguely compromising situation (like they were just shirtless covered in paint sleeping next to each other but shao had also seen everything they painted on the walls ((which some of it was sus)), it was clear they had painted on each others bodies and dizzee had been routinely disappearing with this guy for weeks now yet not producing nearly as much art, at least, as far as we audience members know) he didnt judge him but instead, waited for him to get cleaned up and then told him something along the lines of "theres a reason why im so secretive blah blah blah [not everyone needs to know everything about me]", which, in context, kinda implies that he might be a lil. a lil homiesexual. jus a lil.

whenever even the possibility of zeke leaving him comes up he absolutely loses it. he has literally cost ezekiel life changing opportunities because he thought zeke would just up and leave him for them. this could be abandonment issues bc he's a severely traumatized character, and that probably does contribute to it, but it also is just not a reaction he has to any of their other friends just randomly dipping in and out of his life soooooo

generally speaking, this mfer has got either bisexual with a big hard on for zeke coding or homosexual with terrible internalized homophobia and still a hard on for zeke coding. either fucking way, that nigga gay. he gay as hell. gay as fuck man. there wasn't really much to analyze here tbh bc the coding is just so fucking obvious if you look for it or you are/have been a gay person who's dealt with at least a little bit of internalized homophobia.

also, just a sidenote, idk how fucking old shao, but I'm praying hes like at max 19 bc I'm pretty sure zeke is a minor in this show and shao definetly is not so the whole him being heavily implied to have a crush on ezekiel thing is kinda. oof. not oof if zeke is like 17 but any younger than that? OOF.

edit: apparently the characters are only supposed to be a year apart in age but i had no clue about that before writing this post and since shaos age was never actually stated in the show i naturally assumed he was an adult since his actor Looks Like An Adult. this is definetly on me to a certain extent, but i also never saw anything about this when trying to find our their ages so 🤷‍♀️ maybe i just didnt look deep enough, sorry!

now moving on to the main event...marcus dizzee kipling :]

so, first things first, let's talk enby coding bc him being bisexual was already confirmed!

um, to start off, I just wanna say I dont think this enby coding was intentional or even really coding, it's just moreso me being a dizzee kin on main and knowing as a transmasc enby he has very transmasc enby vibes. for example:

cool, gender neutral nickname that everyone calls him

paints nails various different colors

the whole wardrobe is just a transmasc enby heaven...fishnet shirts, jean overalls, jackets and cuffed pants galore, the big colorful pins, etc

gender neutral hairstyle (when I had my fro it was very sexy and made it easy to transition between hyper masc and vaguely fem, which is pog)

comparing himself to/representing himself consistently with an alien character (though this is meant to represent his sexuality, it could also double as a gender thing too, not neccesarily bc of the whole nonbinary alien trope but bc an enby who likes aliens might heavily identify or compare themselves to whatever their idea of an alien is, whether that just be a genderless entity or a motherfucker with fly style and no need to be perceived as anything other Wacky As Hell)

moving on from there, let's talk about how his queerness is presented to us and how, while it may be a really good piece of representation, especially coming from netflix, it still lacks in A Lot of places.

so, let's start with good things!

i personally really like the get down's queer rep with dizzee bc it's (for the most part) nonsexualized and very very soft, about dizzee figuring himself out and realizing there is a place where he fits in, and about two teenagers in the 70s falling in love over their shared passion for street art. it also features an interracial couple where both boys challenge stereotypes both about queer men and men of color, which is epic poggers and very sexy. this piece of rep specifically is very important to me bc I am a queer black person and even tho interracial relationships are mostly normalized now, I've still had people give me shit for primarily dating white people in a town that is...primarily white lol

mm anyways, I can also appreciate how in the get down, dizzee being represented by rumi the alien is not a thing specifically related to gender (as it often is) and instead is about his sexuality and just in general weirdness and how it has led to him being alienated amongst his peers, poc or otherwise. him seeing himself as an alien is not about just his queerness, which is important, it is about him being a queer black man who talks different, acts different, dresses different and is "soft"—he isnt a walking black male stereotype and he wouldnt have been seen as masculine back in the 70s by any stretch of the imagination. this can be relatable to a wide spectrum of queer poc, from queer black men currently who still have to deal with this shit or to people like myself who are afab neurodivergent mixed race enbies that have always been signaled out as weird and alienated for it. dizzee is god rep bc while he has a small part in this show, his parts are very impactful, hard hitting and show queer poc of all ages that they arent alone and that it's okay to "weird", you just need to embrace it because somebody will love you for you, as thor did for dizzee.

that being said theres um. some minor problemas here,,,

namely:

dizzee and thors first kiss

the lack of development this pairing got

the way dizzee was confirmed bisexual off screen, he never said the words himself, just showed interest in both genders

the way dizzee and thor were never even confirmed boyfriends or just fwb so most of the fandom just calls them boyfriends bc Why Not

dizzee was implied fucking DEAD??? AT THE END OF THE SERIES?????? AND THOR WAS IMPLIED ARRESTED?????????????

now, these might have been things that wouldve been fine had the show been given it's full run but it wasnt which is why we are now left with probelms.

so, from the top, let's go over these: dizzee and thor's first (and only "on screen") kiss was one that was shown in a montage of other queer people making over and doing other vaguely romantic/sexual things, one of those things being a whole ass naked titty being mouthed at, but the actual kiss...was just not shown? like they really did just say "yes they kissed <3 you know this from the context clues of it being in a montage with kissing, hickey giving and titty sucking <3 but no we will not show it <3" LIKE HELLO? I SAW A NAKED BOOBIE BUT NOT TWO MEN KISS??? HUH????????

also, dizzee and thor were both fucking high as hell during this bit like this isnt a terrible thing but it's also like sometimes you do shit when you're high that you wouldnt do sober and they just never kissed again on screen so like?? like idk that's not that bad but it does kinda irk me since they deadass got no other on screen intimacy after that unless you including painting on eacher other or sleeping next to each other on a shitty mattress but not touching at all during it bc they were both at opposite ends of the mattress like half way off it

so yeah, that was trash. then we got lack of development, which kinda goes with the "dizzee being a bisexual but he never says it in canon" thing cause like...okay dizzee was already sort of a side character from the get go like he wasnt the mc by any means, but he became way more of a background character as things continued until we basically only saw him for performances or when he was with thor, yet they got no fucking development as a pairing other than "dizzee realize he gay, he like thor, he and thor spend time together and ig probably do some gay stuff but we dont really know bc we only ever see them do graffiti together now" like?? tf am I supposed to do with that shit. answer. quickly. and then theres dizzee not being confirmed bisexual, which is just a running problem with shows literally doing everything to say a character is bi except for having the character just...say they're bi? which would be so easy? like a good way dizzee and thor couldve had some development is by thor teaching dizzee things about the queer community that he didnt even know existed, thor couldve helped him understand what being bi meant and helped him label himself and whatnot but instead we got an off screen confirmation that the writers had bisexual in mind when writing him. which is garbagé.

the whole thor and dizzee never having a confirmed relationship status is also a development problem cause like literally nobody knows if they were just friends who made out, maybe fucked, who knows, or if they were dating bc dizzee does give a love confession but a love confession doesn't mean there is a relationship, especially since thor didn't say he was in love either (as far as I remember, I could be wrong, plus whether or not that really happened or was apart of dizzee literally overdosing during a performance is unclear so 🤪)

and now for the biggest issue...bury your gays trope.

during the season 2 finale, dizzee and thor are chased by cops after they are found doing graffiti, one of the cops is able to catch thor while the other chases dizzee into a train tunnel and there is a train seen headed straight for him before the show cuts to black on a train horn. the show writers claim that if they had gotten another season, dizzee wouldve been alive but since they didnt and since that's essentially super fan trivia knowledge, most people dont fucking know that and instead had to watch a black queer teenager chose death over being fucking arrested by a white cop. on top of that, thor didnt see any of that shit because he was caught and the cop started hauling him off while dizzee was still being chased so thor literally has no clue where his friend/possible boyfriend fucking is or that he's likely dead in a goddamn tunnel all alone, unless you count the fucking pig that chased him in there who wouldve died too. this shows rep was so fucking good as far as most shows go on not having major fucking problems, on not being toxic and over sexualized, etc, etc. and then they just. killed a black queer teenager for no fucking reason. like it was literally the last episode ever, it would add nothing to the plot, it would just devastate fans and devastate it fucking did. I dont cry easy but seeing a character I identified with, who I had hyperfixated on, die because he'd rather that than be arrested is terrible. it fucking sucked.

so yeah. that's my all too extensive thoughts/analysis on the get down's queerness. theres definitely stuff I missed, or misinterpreted, or looked too much into, etc, etc., but this was a fun thing to spend time writing sooo yeah!! thanks for the ask anon, sorry this was just a big rambley info dump, but hopefully you get some enjoyment out of it since it took like 3 hours at least 😭😭 feel free to ask clarifying questions lol

#shit self #asks #the get down #mylene cruz #shaolin fantastic #dizzee kipling #long post #analysis #info dump #idk if anon has seen tgd or is just being nice so i tried givinh background to things #kinz #bangerz #discourse

[thompsborn]

do you have any spare ironhusbands or sambucky headcanons?

ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY

oh my god okay i’ve been so fucking wrapped up in both ironhusbands and sambucky and absolutely nothing else for WEEKS because of tfatws (obviously if you have seen my endless spam of reblogs but can you BLAME ME) and the portal closed has ironhusbands so i’ve been just. oh my god i am happily drowning in this and them and i do not need nor want air. ok.

also these are all hc’s based just in canon not au, and lol warning this got so long help me, though my brain is so scrambled from tfatws finale that all sambucky thoughts are scrambled and jumbled so i wasn't able to coordinate them as well as ironhusbands so the ironhusbands section is definitely longer pfighf i'm so sorry i'm like this

ironhusbands:

when they met at mit tony didnt know shit. like. like nothing. he didnt know a single god damn thing about anything. like he was a genius he could solve any equation given to him and baffled professors when he was handed like two supposedly impossible equations to this fuckin fourteen year old and he just looked at them with like a mcdonalds burger or some shit hanging out of his mouth and just answered them no problem, but he was still such a hopeless idiot, and rhodey, also a genius attending as a sixteen year old, had to teach him the basics of life, like. making toast. tony how do NOT know how to make toast. its TOAST. you put it in the TOASTER. have you NEVER SEEN A—OH MY GOD HOW DID YOU FUCKING CATCH IT ON FIRE—

he does not perfect the clearly impossible task of making toast until he is 17 and rhodey buys him a cake to celebrate the momentous occasion even though tony went though 528 toasters

you are gold by the national parks. thats it. thats all i have to say. listen to the song and look up the lyrics. you’ll get it.

and also paper planes by jon bellion but specifically for after rhodey tells tony he’s gonna join the air force and tony is worried but doesnt know how to show it and they have like a chill night in and all tony can think about is how stupid he is and how he’s such a coward because he cant get himself to tell rhodey that hi!! i love u!! and im scared to lose u and that you’ll get hurt and maybe die or smth!!

when rhodey finds out about how tony was raised (going with mcu, where tony wasnt physically abused but more emotionally neglected and ignored by howard and always talked down to and compared to others and wasnt treated like he was worthy and never was told he was loved and everything like that) he gets PISSED. like he is MONUMENTALLY angry. and it takes YEARS for him to find out about this too. and it actually puts a bit of a strain on their friendship for awhile when they meet too

like rhodey knows about the starks obviously and he assumes tony is going to be this obnoxious arrogant rich boy asshole and is so not looking forward to being roommates but he was raised to have an open mind and give everyone a chance, but tony was raised to be wary of everyone and keep his walls up and his emotions in shackles because whatever he shows can be used against him, so they clash, you know? they dont fight or anything but theres tension bc it isnt right and they dont get each other.

rhodey tries to be nice and tony doesnt understand nice because his only example of nice is jarvis and his mom and even then his mom and jarvis are always off with his dad so he barely sees them so its still rare for him to experience the nice of them so he doesnt know how to be around someone nice all the time, and so he gets defensive and thinks about how howard drilled it into him to be wary and he thinks maybe rhodey isnt ACTUALLY nice but someone PRETENDING to be

and rhodey starts to feel justified in assuming the worst about tony stark because tony is all cold and distant and rude and is about to stop the keeping an open mind thing about a month into their first year but then he comes back to their dorm early from class one day and tony doesnt come in so rhodey is just standing there and watches for a minute as tony sits there staring down at his twenty sixth attempt at a letter he wants to send his mom becauss he knows his mom likes letters even though he could just call but they havent really called him (howards fault but he’s fourteen still and its hard to rationalize that howards busy life and controlling thumb extends past his son) and rhodey is just confused because tony just suddenly sighs and sniffles a bit and murmurs “this is so stupid” and crumbles up the paper and throws it in the garbage and rhodey cant help but peer into it and barely sees the words hey mom scribbled at the top and that. that. hm. okay.

so rhodey keeps trying because he wasnt supposed to see that but he did and now he kind of has a feeling that maybe tony isnt all that cold and distant and rude as he seems, maybe he just doesnt really know how to be any different, so he thinks about all the subtle little ways that his family has shown him they care about him and starts to invite tony to go get food or to study together even though neither of them really need to study or to help each other with assignments or just anything thats mundane enough to not raise suspicion but still starts to open the door and make tony relax around him just that little bit and then before tony realizes it the end of their first year is there and theyre like friends or something and it hits him that he’s gonna miss rhodey.

for the first time ever there’s someone other than his mom and jarvis that he’s actually going to miss.

rhodey grins at him and says that they’ll be roommates again next year because they have to be and that the summer will be over before they know it and the sentiment is nice but tony spends the summer alone wandering around a house too big and empty after being in a dorm that’s small and has a friend.

but rhodey doesn’t know this. like he knows that tony isn’t the kind of guy he originally assumed but he doesn’t know that he’s literally ignored and neglected and like emotionally and sometimes verbally abused so he’s kind of surprised when the next year begins and they DO end up being roommates again (because tony kind of asked his mom, on a rare day when he got to see her and howard wasnt around, to get mit to make sure they could be) and tony just HUGS him like its been years and they’ve known each other forever but he goes with it and hugs him back because maybe tony’s just more affectionate once he gets to know someone and rhodey is okay w that.

they get closer as the years go by and they graduate from mit together and they’re BEST friends and at the end of the year rhodey invites tony to spend new years eve w his family but tony cant bc howard is having some kind of gala starting at 5 because hes weird and dumb and tony hates it and he also isnt given the option of not going even though he doesnt want to but the entire way there howard drills into him about not fucking up and berates him for all the times he has in the past and when they get there tony is already just not feeling it so he’s like nope!! no!! i simply cannot!!

so he goes in and finds an exit thats in the back and he leaves and finds a fucking payphone of all things and he has rhodeys home number memorized for years now and he calls and someone he doesnt knoe answers and theres music in the background and voices and tony’s entire stomach is in his throat and his heart is sunken into his twisted gut because he just wanted one night where maybe he could smile next to his parents and feel like he fit with them but he couldnt have that and he asks to talk to rhodey and then he is and asks if its too late to accept his invite and rhodey is like yeah of course do u need my address bc its still only 5 pm and its a 2 hour drive between south philadelphia and manhattan so he’d make it with plenty of time before it got to midnight so yay

and tony is like. oh. hm. i dont know how to drive actually. that was a thing that no one ever thought to teach me even though i asked about it about ten million times. and rhodey is used to tony not knowing how to do things that most people their age can (see: the toast) and plus its not uncommon for people from new york to not drive anyway so he doesnt think anything of it and instead asks for tony’s address to come pick him up instead and they’d still make it back by like 9-9:30 so that would work too

and thats when tony is like. well.

about that.

he might be calling from a payphone.

on a random street corner.

and its kind of raining. and he’s cold. and he’s a bit dulled out from everything so he doesn’t really think about the fact that admitting this is going to lead to having to explain what happened and also why and that is happens often. but that doesnt matter because he kind of just wants to be with his best friend and not back at that gala with his dad right now.

rhodey is like,,, ok. ok. wheres a coffee shop nearby u can wait in. and tony thankfully is by a 24 hour one and tells him the name and the street corner its closest to and rhodey is like i’ll be there asap and tony goes and he waits.

a two hour drive turns into an hour and a half because rhodey is Worried™

but when he walks in tony goes from being all dulled out to being all HOLY SHIT because rhodey has a SPLIT LIP and he’s like WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED WHAT THE FUCK WHAT

and rhodey’s like no no its good my uncle was having fun and trying to wrestle with me and he accidentally elbowed me its all good man dont worry about it

tony isnt used to accidentally being hurt tho so he’s still like hmmm but he takes rhodeys word on it and they head out and tony wont say what happened or why he was calling from a payphone ?? which btw tony literally only was able to do bc there happened to be dropped change on the ground because boy would not have change on him ok, but rhodeys like alright lets go with this for now

so they gets to the rhodes house and it is in full swing with family and extended family and adopted family bc they are 100% the family that just adopts the neighborhood kids and the people who have no one else and like ex boyfriends and ex girlfriends even after the relationship ends bc they still are family despite not dating whoever it was they had been dating in order to be introduced to them so its a LOT of people and tony is like. this is semi familiar in terms a lot of people but this is NOTHING like what he has ever seen before holy fucking SHIT

rhodey is just like oh u have a small family then? so ur used to smaller gatherings?

and tonys like wtf are gatherings

and rhodey is starting to get a feel for what might be wrong but just takes tony inside to get him changed because he’s not spending new years eve at the rhodes house in a fucking expensive suit ok

tony is completely out of his element and like he’s not the only white guy there bc again the rhodes adopt people and those people are of every race and nationally you can imagine but he just isnt used to the vibe there are people laughing and sitting close together and playing games and theres music playing but not like classy music its music people can dance to and are dancing to and the food isnt the food he’s used to at galas and shit and nothing is what he’s used to and he just sticks to rhodey’s side like a fucking lost puppy and tries his best not to look like an idiot when rhodey introduces him to people and a lot of them know who he is but dont judge him or assume shit about him bc obviously if he’s friends w rhodey then he’s a good guy and they want to know him and thats enough

but tony is v overwhelmed bc what the FUCK IS HAPPENING this is nothing like anything he has ever experienced EVER

so eventually rhodey can tell he’s getting overwhelmed and takes him inside and lets him have a breather and then asks him about whats going in and thats when rhodey learns about what tonys life at home is really like and. anger.

SO MUCH anger

because not only has every single assumption he has ever made about tony been proven wrong, but now he knows that the best person he knows has never been treated the way he deserves and has never known a true home and comfort and love and safety and

and he’s gonna fix it

and this is the first step

so he takes tony back out and they’re still just friends but this is the day they both quietly realize they might kind of definitely like each other as more because tony is still so confused by the fact that what he knows isnt the normal and overwhelmed by how much there is and how different it is but rhodey holds his hand as a grounding point and whenever it might be too much they move off to the side where they arent completely gone but its less hectic and a bit more quiet and its just nice

tony goes to rhodeys house for every holiday despite whatever howard says

rhodey decks howard the only time they ever meet before tonys parents die and he has the most shit eating grin on his face afterwards that tony cant help but lose his shit laughing his ass off

anyway i didnt mean to ramble for so long about that specific idea so i’ll end the ironhusbands ramble with this one last thought, which is as follows:

rhodey gets hurt in the air force at some point, and it isnt that bad tbh but he does have to go the hospital and shit and gets stitches or whatever idk i dont know what specifically happens i just think it’d be just bad enough that it takes him a few weeks to be able to go back to work but he’s not like OH GOD HURT yk?

but like stated above tony was scared and worried when rhodey told him he was gonna go into the air force so he hears about this and they’re probably like almost 30 at this point because they’re dumb and it takes them forever to get their heads out of their asses (i say this even though in the portal closed it takes them even longer but i digress) rhodey has like his mon his sister his niece visiting him and they were worried but they know hes fine so theyre just talking and in a good mood and then—

door slams open. tony stark enter stage left. disheveled suit, fresh from a meeting he definitely was not supposed to leave, having flown in from maibu the second he heard and then had happy drive him and then got impatient because of traffic and ended up sprinting like ten blocks while happy was like what the FUCK

of course rhodeys family are well aware that these idiots are desperately in love with each other so they’re just like lol ok and just leave the room while tony starts fretting over him like he’s about to die himself if he doesnt know if rhodey is okay and rhodey is like tony tony dude tones stop tony im okay tony stop it

until finally tony just fucking breaks down like full on tears in his eyes voice cracking hands clasped as he leans against rhodeys bed and tells him that he was so scared and he is so scared all the time whenever rhodey is out there because all he can think about is losing him and him getting hurt or dying and it’s maddening and this is when they get their heads out of their asses and kiss for the first time

(irony at its finest bc later when they are married and tony becomes iron man rhodey refuses to not have a suit of his own because if tony is going out there in a metal flying tin can then he isn’t going alone and wow what a power couple)

sambucky:

firstly i’m going to go post tfatws, but i’ll make a bullet point before going into it so if you wanna read up until that point you can but most of this will be random little headcanons based post tfatws

also it isnt like a whole plotline thing like the ironhusbands ones ended up being these ones are more random and kinda all over the place but loosely connected

update from after writing this: i lied

let me start by saying my interpretation of why they are the way they are in civil war is because of steve

thats not saying steve is the bad guy i mean to say that they’re jealous of each other because they thought that THEY were steve’s best friend who the fuck is THIS guy i dont want him here go away

children. they are children.

which i find very funny to imagine from sams pov because he literally is a licensed therapist and would 100% recognize why he’s acting how he is but he’s petty enough to do it anyway

and also he literally was helping steve track bucky down but i like to imagine that sam didnt think they’d ever really find him again and it’d just make him and steve like super mega best friends or something because hes a CHILD

and then from bucky’s pov steve goes through all this trouble to find him and protect him and then this random guy is acting like steve’s best friend and gets to sit in the front seat ??? bullshit. absolutely bullshit. worst thing ever. so stupid.

its so funny to me okay its SO funny

its like that schoolyard thing where your friend makes another friend and you hate it so much that you do something stupid like color on their drawing or put gum in their hair or whatever but they’re adults with 1. super soldier serum or 2. a superhero reputation/avengers status and suit with wings. so thats a thing.

post civil war i dont think they get much yk. because bucky is out in cryo and team cap is on the run and i doubt theyre able to return to wakanda much, if at all, and then it’s infinity war and then it’s endgame and after endgame there’s the aftermath and the aftermath is a mess

i like to think they have some moments before tfatws though. not many but enough for that slight foundation thats we can kind of see in episode 2 yk.

okay NOW it gets into post tfatws so!!

SO post tfatws everything is different because now they not only have spent all this time together, but they understand each other in a way that they didn’t before. in a way no one ever has. not even steve, who may have known them before, but he isn’t here anymore and he wouldn’t understand who they are now vs who they were before and it’s different.

bucky finds comfort in sam’s home town. sam finds comfort in watching bucky find a home there and he doesnt know why.

also sam treats redwing like a puppy and lets him fly around on his own and gets pet and stuff and bucky acts annoyed but the longer it happens you can tell he’s like “oh my god why is this thing endearing”

bucky has nightmares and sam knows this but bucky doesnt know that sam also has nightmares until one night when they’re still in sams home town and they’re staying on the boat because sams nephews are having a sleepover with some friends and they didnt want to get in the way or smth idk i just want an excuse for them to be on the boat and somewhat secluded from people but bucky already woke up from his nightmare and is out on the deck to get some fresh out and then oop

sam havin a nightmare too

because fucking of COURSE sam has nightmares he has been through some shit too!! not being able to catch riley and everything that happened since meeting steve and thanos and he turned to dust alone in the bushes ok like yes everyone that died were traumatized undoubtedly (peter my baby boy baby im so sorry that you got the worst of it) but bucky was around people but sam was laying on the ground and probably just watched his hands as he disappeared and he was alone and like. jesus christ ok.

and then steve trusted him with every weight and everything that comes with the shield not knowing how much more the shield has when he gave it to a black man and just like he has nightmares everyone in marvel does its a fact

but bucky finds out like this and he is shocked even though he realizes he probably should have been able to guess that this is a thing and he knows so much more about sam now than he ever did but this is how he learns more. he learns about riley. he learns so much.

sometimes bucky has those like “oh shit” moments where he’s like “maybe i was kind of a dick to someone who didnt deserve it” and he already had one of those with sam about the shield but he has another one because he assumed shit about sam when they were being all childish and jealous about someone else being friends with steve but like fuck

steve and sam probably got it

the not catching someone. the way it felt to try and to reach out and to miss and to have to choice but to watch as they fell.

what’s different is that steve got bucky back. he got to have that relief, eventually, even if there was the pain of knowing bucky had been taken by hydra, but at least he knew bucky had made it.

sam didn’t have that. riley didnt make it.

therefore, bucky has his “oh shit”

and bucky was already going soft around the edges with sam (as clearly seen in the last two episodes of tfatws, ESPECIALLY the finale because like did tou SEEZ ALL THE HEART EYES oh my GOD) but it’s this that really makes something in him melt and he just. he loses the last remnants of whatever tension or resentment or whatever negative feeling he may have been clutching onto.

there wasnt much left. but now theres none. now its all washed away.

its gone, and he gets it.

sam is a licensed therapist and he knew the reason he was being all dumb and childish and jealous with bucky was because steve had another best friend but also because steve’s other best friend was the guy that had been a big factor in how him and steve understood each other and how they bonded and it

it had kind of felt like they lost part of that when they found bucky again in civil war and he kind of wanted to blame bucky for it even though he didnt actually blame him at all so all it translated to was that dumb kind of jealous thing instead

but now it’s just them. its sam and bucky and it isnt steve and it isnt about steve and it shouldnt be because its about them. its about the boat and the water and the way they sit and watch the waves while the silence settles over them and the way that bucky says, “im sorry.”

its the way sam says, “me too.”

and bucky says, “you dont have to be.”

its the way they stay there until sarah comes to get them for breakfast and sams nephews convince them to play with them and their friends and the world is still shit and there is so much to do but

but its this and its them and that can wait

it can wait

they can take their time if they want to

maybe they’ve earned that much, at least

(it isn't a fast development because they're a complicated pair and there's so much to the two of them that need to figured out individually before they can even realize how well they work together, but the steps are so much easier knowing that they have the other in their corner and bucky knows that sam's home town is a place he's welcome to go and sam helps him make his own dreary little apartment into something that feels real and tangible with a bed and a couch and when they've become something that resembles stable and they've found a balance and they're okay, that's when they realize that maybe they can try for the more that sometimes bubbles under their skin and that they started to think about the more they spend time together. the warmth that sam feels every time he sees bucky playing games with his nephew and the smile that bucky has to fight to hide and still can't fully suppress when sam stands tall and proud with the shield in its rightful place, and it takes time, it takes work, it takes carefully placed bricks to build the foundation they need, but they get there, and when they do...

when they do, they're already happy, and it just makes them happier, and that's what makes it so much better.

that's what makes it worth the wait.)

#ironhusbands #sambucky #headcanons #asks

[gayspock]

obligatory tng update:

1. unfortunately still going slow. im not sure if its wholly bc of my irl shite getting in the way (very likely) but despite the episodes being GOOD now, like fully good, i still dont feel the same draw as i did with tos which is :(. but the eps ARE getting GOOD!!! like babey thnk u mwah. there’s been some bangers in a row ya kno

2. ok minor minor minor. idk im so... neutral abt troi/riker as an item right now!! i htink i could warm up but its also like. thus far theyve just... like i feel like theyve not given any actual moments between them. do yoou know what i mean, girlie. like i swear i rarely ever see them interact and i genuinely thought it was gonna be, like, a thing they brought up in the pilot then literally just FORGET abt bc like... theyve just literally been all tell and no show. like theyre like “oh they were a thing and theres still sth there” but then havent rlly... like they havent actually done tht much together? do u kno wht it means? like its just like the show has told us they have chemistry without really letting them demonstrate... anyways.  and idk i dont have a PROBLEM with that, actually. like im fine with that, bc its been super unobtrusive ya kno- and what i actually wanted to say is that!!! im rlly GOOD with it in a way.

like im neutral on them as a Couple and whatnot (also in part bc i do LIKE riker&troi, i do, but im not obsessed with them yet)  but omg idk... its like i said its been pretty unobtrusive does tht make sense. usually tht shit is crammed down ur throat in some manner, like- even if its just in terms of jealousy or whatveer but... on MULTIPLE occasions, it feels like, both troi and riker have like shown interest in the New Character of the Week. and i realised it with uhhhh the ep (runs to check) THE VENGEANCE FACTOR. bc its like him and troi were sat there eating together and the girlie of the week came over and she, like, got up and was like :3 i’ll leave you to it- AND I DONT KNOW? I KNOW THIS IS LIKE. BARE MINIMUM BUT ITS JSUT... REALLY NICE TO SEE CHARACTERS WHO ARE, LIKE, OPENLY KINDA INTERESTED IN EACH OTHER BUT ARENT, LIKE, A THING-THING  AND YET THEY WONT BE LIKE. RANCID IF THE OTHER PERSON IS SHOWING INTEREST IN OTHER PPL. DOES THT MAKE SENSE. like theyre chill and calm and like i said. i do think i could warm up to them if i got to see more of them.... I FEEL SO WEIRD im stillnot sure how i feel abt EITHER of them and im unsure why . i really am. like i feel like ah i like you guyss! but thts abt it. i think i still need to see more. anyways

3. also bc it comes up sometimes similar talk i think i wanna talk about Wesley . get him off my chest. i dont hate wesley. im the epitome of neutral on wesley as well. but like if you took s1 wesley and put him into s3 i’d be in a fucking rage. like i think the thing is, s1 wesley fucking sucks but also its like... in general  all the writing in s1 was fuckign bad and frankly he just ended up turning out very annoying becuase of it but ultimately . do u kno wht i mean. like its just s1 antics. wesley, now, in s3 is still not like a big fave but bc the writing is better i’m like okay! youre here! BUT if they wrote an ep with him in the same way they used him in s1 THEN i’d be mad. anyways.

4. I HAD MORE THOUGHTS BUT THIS ISNT EVEN TNG I WENT TO LOOK UP STAR TREK EPISODES AND FOR SOME REASON I WA SLOOKING AT RELEASE DATES AND I WAS LIKE OH OH OH AND THEN I ENDED UP LOOKING AT TOS AND REQUIEUM FO METHUSUSAL I CANT SPELL IM SO SORRY BUT THAT EP WAS RELEASED ON VALENTINES DAY AND IM THINKING ABOUT SPOCK AND THAT MEMORY WIPE HAPPY VALENTINS DAY GIRLS JESUS WHERE WAS I

5. god i love data and geordi so much though i feel bad but i jsut... OKAY MAYBE THATS IT. WITH TROI AND RIKER. I FEEL BAD LIKE I DONT HATE THEM IM JUST MORESO NEUTRAL BC I JSUT... I JUST WANT TO SEE DATA, GEORDI AND WORF SOOOO MUCH AHHHHHHH LIKE GIVE ME YM LEGENDS. NONSTOP.

#egg.txt #star trek liveblog #anyways

[calocera]

SPOILERS FOR CATS 2019, here’s my hot takes and opinions

be warned, THIS IS LOOOONG

First off my overall opinion, i LITERALLY cannot say whether it was good or bad, like lots of critics say it just...is beyond that. It’s VERY fun and that’s all I can bring myself to say, I have LOTS of problems with it but I can’t even say that they make the movie bad. It is definitely worth watching

OPINIONS ON CHARACTERS:

Victoria: she’s good! I appreciate that they kinda left her personality blank other than her innocence since that’s pretty much how she always was, still not super thrilled with her as a main character but franchesca did the best she could

Munkustrap: I loved him! he was more of a main character than I would have expected, but they STILL cut all the charm from his lines... why do I love him then? Robbie fairchild did AMAZING background acting, whenever he was in frame he was always doing something SUPER munkustrap-y and making cute dad faces. he was dealt bad lines but he worked around it best he could. Also his legs were normal so...epic fail

Mistoffelees: 😒😒😒😒😒🤢🤢🤮 disappointed but not at all surprised...he was just a Woobie, a softboy uwu nice guy. I felt like I was seeing fanon 2013 loki in cat form. THEY MADE HIS SONG A SADBOY PITY PARTY SONG...WHY WOULD YOU MAKE THE 11 O’CLOCK NUMBER SLOW AND SAD???? Where is the smug little shit who’s vague and aloof yet confident and joyous? He was murdered by his evil homophobic shadow clone. I’m not even gunna indulge the fact that him and Victoria were a thing, I’ll go over that later. He also just constantly looked like the crying cat meme his eyes were so red and watery it was horrifying, yet somehow he wasn’t the worst character , that leads us too.....

tugger: what.the.fuck.did.you.do.to.this.boy. HE GOT THE TREATMENT I EXPECTED FOR MUNKUSTRAP! HE WAS DEMOTED TO BACKGROUND CHARACTER! not only did he not sing mr. mistoffelees, he literally did nothing other than his song, he never interacted with ANY characters besides jenny in 1 scene. I know cats has no set main characters but he’s undoubtedly one of the most important characters and he’s like...the least important named character in the movie. ALSO Jason Derulo was not sexy at all. There was NO hip thrusting NO sexy meowing NO glamrock, he was just an asshole and if I hadn’t already seen the original I would have either completely forgotten about his character or though he was the worst character. I’m so fucking angy I cannot express.

Girzzabella: ngl I expected better. Her acting was great but with the horrible effects I couldnt get invested but I’ll touch on the effects later. Her singing was good, but I expected it to carry the movie and it wasn’t at all the best song in the movie, I’d say she’s about as good as I expected she’d be but the movie itself was more enjoyable than I expected so she was less significant

Old d: she was fine, she LOOKED the part definitely, she didn’t have as large a presence as ken page but I wouldnt expect that of her. Her singing wasn’t the greatest though, her voice is fine by it’s just NOT suited to old d’s songs. I would have preferred she play a female gus bc her voice is very sweet and frail, not at all built for belting like her songs required.

Macavity: he’s just...eh. He’s basically a comic relief villain which sucks. He does practically nothing besides kidnap people, say a cheesy line, and act like a caricature of a 90s cartoon villain (and not one of the fun ones) like theres a scene where he poofs away and when he does it he goes, MACAvityyyyyyy and fades away its so unintentionally funny but it just makes him so lame as a villain. not to mention he doesnt even die at the end or get any satisfying conclusion he just gets stuck on top of a statue and his powers suddenly stop working (for some reason??)

Bombalurina: fuck that, I am simultaneously glad she only was in the macavity number bc fuck off Taylor Swift but also disappointed bc she deserved so much better.

Bustopher: 😟 never in my darkest nightmares did I think I’d see bustopher Jones deepthroat multiple crayfish but here we are. Somehow THIS was the most sexual song, I cannot begin to name the fetishes checked off by this performance bc itd hit word limit. Let me just say that I said multiple times out loud, “damn bustopher kinda a freak with it 😏😏” like I CANNOT stress how weirdly sexual it gets. And ofc its all otherwise just haha funney fat guy eat food and burp and fall down. He also breaks the fourth wall a few times which like, fuck you

Jenny: exactly what was shown in the trailer. Unfunny fat jokes and slapstick humor. Also they focused WAY too many shots on her cat pussy and I wish I was making that up. Also of note is that the cgi on the rats and cockroaches are drastically worse than the rest of the movie, like not just bad designs the effects are BAD. also they translated they whole gumbie cat fur-shedding as her wearing fake skin over her outfit which would be fine but UHH the fake fur is skin tight??? so it literally looks like shes ripping off her skin and she does it multiple times its fucking terrifying

Mungojerrie and rumpelteazer: meh, they are fine as characters, not quite as energetic as I would have liked but they didn’t massively fuck anything up? The song was horrible, they went against the beat for...some reason? Like it’s a song with a very distinct rhythm and they split up the lyrics so weirdly. I liked that they followed through with the lore of them working for macavity

Skimbleshanks: YES YESSSSSSSSSS HOLY FUCKING SHIT 💗💕💖💞💜😳😳😳😳😳😳😳💜💛🧡💚💖❤️💗 i absolutely CANNOT express how good skimbleshanks made me feel. He looks like a leather daddy with his chains and suspenders and hat and stache, I hate that I’m saying this but uh...mr skimbleshanks sir😳 we were actually screaming it was so fucking good. Watching this movie was worth it just for skimble. Unironically. I’m listening to the song as we speak. It was kinda weird that they moved the tap dancing to this song but that’s more of a detractor from Jennie’s and a plus side to skimbles since it’s good tap

Gus: good! Ian did a good job of course, no one doubted that he would.

Growltiger and griddlebone: not racist but still absolutely horrifying. One of the worst parts of the movie, I actually got squeamish looking at griddlebone a few times that’s how bad she looks

Everyone else: not that good. I couldn’t tell who was who, all their personalities were annoying, I’m on imdb as we speak trying to figure out who even was supposed to be who. Demeter is completely butchered and jemima just isn’t there, doesn’t sing her part, it all sucked man.

Tech talk:

CGI: okay so here’s the thing, the effects are good. GREAT even, the issue is how fucking horrible the designs are. The lack of cat nose, mouth, and hairy cheeks makes them all look disgusting. Also the feet. Holy fuck why do they have feet. THERES A FUCKING SCENE WHERE TUGGER GRABS VICTORIAS FOOT AND SNIFFS IT. IT LASTS LIKE 5 SECONDS. Old Deuteronomy, Gus, and Cassandra (bc she was already bald) are the only characters I’d say look anywhere close to decent, grizabella looks okay in profile but head on it’s all horrible again. its really such a shame bc the sets are gorgeous! i really hope this movie gets some form of recognition for its sets.

the editing and directing was DOGSHITTTTTTT there are SO many scenes where characters just teleport or parts where people are singing and no ones mouths are moving its really distracting

Other things:

it’s OBVIOUS that the critics calling this movie horny have never seen the original. I’d definitely say the movie is LESS HORNY than the play. It IS however waaaaaaay more uncomfortable with its hornieness, so I’d say in that regard YES, the horny stuff is much more gratuitous and off putting despite there being an overall smaller amount than the play. ie everything bustopher jones does

They changed a BUNCH of lyrics for some reason?? Like they cut verses which I understand but there are like a handful of lyrics in almost every song they just...change. like...okay? All changing lyrics is gunna do is make people who knew the songs frustrated when they can’t sing along

the dancing was incredible! shame the cg just fucking invalidates all of it bc your mind doesnt register it as real people doing real moves

OKAY THE FUCKING CATNIP SCENE so when taylor swift showers everyone in catnip they all just fucking start moaning and go FULL HORNY its TOO MUCH like misto full on does an o face like eyes rolled back mouth open  and munkustrap is like ass up panting i still havent processed it im fucking terrified to encounter it again. they cut the orgy? yet added THIS??? k

WHY did they take 2 of the most iconic characters who FREQUENTLY interact and just

a. Never even have them make eye contact

b. Make 1 a background character

c. Completely change the personality of the other one

On the topic of Victoria/misto: I am just still at a loss as to why they thought it’d be a good idea? They completely removed Plato and for what? This? Pathetic. It’s worth noting the weirdly munkustrap has WAYYY more chemistry with both Victoria AND mistoffelees then they did with each other (there’s a part where it looks like misto and munk are about to kiss for some reason?? munk ALSO gets all touchy feely with skimbleshanks???) anyways munkustrap king moments

tldr; its worth watching, the best parts were the sets, the dancing, skimbleshanks, and munkustrp fucking CARRIES the weight of the world with his face acting. the worst things were a big fat tie between bustopher, tugger,misto,jenny,growltiger and griddlebone, and the godawful design choices

#cats the musical #cats movie #cats spoilers #my post

[fthisshiiimout]

" Hope is a dangeous thing" Michael Guerin's words of wisdom! He said it to Max and said it to Maria! But I really hope every single MALEX fan took it to heart cause it was really meant for US!

I dont care what people say in this fandom anymore. "I dont want to hear spoilers" " no spoilers" " you should tag your shit as a spoiler" NO IM NOT GOING TO! Ya know why?? Because Carina herself wouldnt have shown her shit if she didnt want SPOILERS OUT!! DUHH! And Im ranting because Im sick of the headgames with this show..it ridiculous..no wonder why people in this fandom are dropping like flies.

And Im sick and tired of the back and forth between M/M and M/A. Im sick of the headgames with the showrunner as well! One day its " Oh its Maria..shes his light" and whatever else is spewed. And the next its " Ohh Michael and Alex there journey is from darkness to light" and whatever other bullshit is spewed. Cause in reality its all Bullshit to keep Malex fans and Miluca fans to keep watching and fighting. If you ever cared to look at the ratings for season 1 they were abysmal. Only the first 2 episodes got over a million viewers. Which is horrible..but in full disclosure Theres only 1 CW show that has really any kind of following ( and hint hint its not Supernatural..That shows ratings are going down faster then a hooker on payday). Believe me I did the research. I dont understand why they are putting it after a tanking show if they want more viewers ( No disrespect to Supernatural, my daughter and husband love this show). But I digress..

The show runners know where there bread is buttered on this show and it is with MALEX fans. It even overshadows the Liz/Max shippers and Definitely over shadows Michael and Maria. Hell Vlamis and Tyler realized it pretty quickly..Vlamis made a sold out Merch line because of it. And they are the captains of this ship because they see the potential of how big it can be. Hell even the CW pr team figured it out! Thats why in the trailer we saw Malex and no Miluca?? Its not rocket science to figure this out!

So why now are the showrunners literally shitting on the LGBTQ+ community by taking away the only couple that represent that population on that show?? Then placating the community with "ooh Alex gets a new love interest" and the obscure and downright awkward " oh someone who Identified as straight in the beginning of the season will not be at the end". What a FUCKING FARCE! Like really?? As a community are we that desperate or obtuse?? Did nobody roll there eyes at this bullshit? Or am I the only one? We have a perfectly "cosmic" gay ship in front of us! Yes with baggage..no denying that..but thats the drama of TV I get it.

The reason is because the showrunners have no plans to make Malex anymore. There I said it and I SAW IT FIRSTHAND! In 2x01 Michael told Alex straight up they "were done" it was pretty cut and dry and lasted all of 2 mins...good to know Malex fans get two mins of heartbreak..that should tell you something. While Michael and Maria had 3 scenes..maybe more together. Granted they were not together at the end of 2x01 but According to Heather they will be trying to " ignite the spark between them" for the entire season. And that they're love is " exciting and blah blah blah".. No one gives a shit. Least of all me. But you can clearly see thats where its headed.

Also in season 1 there were some big hints too that I myself overlooked but they were glaring but subtle like the Max/Cam love scene intertwined with the Michael/Alex scene and the song playing in the background..that was telling... You dont see Max and Cam together. Or 1x12 prison scene " Cant love me" playing in the background and the words Michael spit at Alex..I dont think they were complete lies. Michael felt them on some lvl. And Alex's own words " Sometimes the world ends with a wimper, Guerin".. Those were all meant for Malex shippers as well.

And what about this "see if we can " be friends" or " we didn't even know each other" bullshit! I hate those lines..Like really?? Michael moved back to Roswell when he was 11..which meant that they went to school and living in a small town grew up together. At least for 7 or so yrs. They must have knew each other just for the simple fact of the Liz/Max dynamic..I grew up in many a small town i know this dynamic well. EVERYONE LITERALLY KNOWS EVERYONE! Maybe they didn't really hook up till the end of senior year. But they knew each other and I can almost bet that Alex admired Michael's protectiveness and Michael admired Alex's strength. And they also must have known about each others abusive pasts to a point..logic dictates that. And relationships have been built and survived on less.And if the showrunners wanted to make them " friends" for a time I could even tolerate it..tolerate being the operative word.

But no Michael's gonna "light the spark" with Maria..because in reality thats what the showrunners want. They dont give a shit about Malex working through their shit like logic adults would. And that's fine It just frustrates me that I was sold a lie..and every Malex shipper was too. Wake up fellow shippers and see it too. Or dont..Lies are comfortable like a warm blanket on a cold night. Everyone has some delusion they cling to..much like hope.

My last frustration with the ending of this ship will be that it is laid solely at Alex's feet. "He kept walking away", " He abandoned Michael for 10 yrs", "He left him behind", "I love him, I probably always will..but hes tied to all these horrible memories in my life. All the things his family did to mine. Coming back to him always feels like a crash landing" or the newest and deepest when Alex was giving him the file from Caulfield " Manes men did this to her".. Its always going to be Alex's fault. I wonder if Tyler knew the full extent of the way Alex was gonna be shit on. I dont think Tyler being openly queer himself would be ok with that kind of representation of the Gay community. Its pretty jarring... Honestly I can almost guarantee they probably " promised" him a more normal gay relationship with this new " character" Forrest. Whatever the case may be its still bullshit. Michael seems to hold no responsibility to it.

And Michael will still get the girl and be in his hetero relationship with Maria..because Im asking the question..is he really bi? Evidence in the show doesn't specifically back that up. The only man we see him with is Alex..I havent heard or seen him with other men. Even Michael himself said "Its just him..screws me up".. So maybe "Pan" is a better description?

So RIP Malex! It was good while it lasted.."cosmic" even..but the showrunners killed you off before you even got the opportunity to take flight! ( This is a rant about the showrunners and writers for the fake promise of Malex. I seriously have no issue with Maria or the actress per se...and if the showrunners wanted M/M they should have just started in Season 1 with them).

#roswell new mexico #roswell cw #roswellnm #malex #alex manes #michael guerin

[dahniwitchoflight]

Candy 24-28

Yeah interacting is one way of putting

I think the closer Meat and Candy come to eachother though the closer they’re both gonna self destruct

“It will stay here for millions more years, where it will remain indefinitely on a barren, desolate Earth C, waiting to host a single cherub child, chained to its bedroom. But for now, it hosts these three.”

Alright so Earth C doomed to failure confirmed, it needs to be a barren desolate wasteland if it’s gonna be the literal planet for Calliope and Caliborn’s birth

oh my god.

That’s why Gamzee raised the baby cherub

what seemed so out of character for someone like Gamzee to do so long ago now makes perfect sense

He thought it was his role to raise Caliborn in that stupid ass LE/Dirk philosophy

Aww, Terezi’s dying ):

Aradia and Sollux are acting as Alltie’s like, double attendants?

Is that like, a flipside of Gamzee’s whole mirthful messiahs thing where he is on LE’s Side?

I mean, Aradia is pretty 8D and Sollux is pretty D8 as characters

That was a really good conversation from Terezi and John

It really does like, firmly solidify to me that Terezi and John retconning the fact that Vriska died to Terezi’s sword way back then was absolutely the incorrect way of handling things

it’s the cornerstone for how things have been ripped apart all this time since then i think

when it first happened, it was tragic and necessary and developed the characters into a certain way of being

Terezi’s got depressed and into a bad state of being, so now, we’ve been given the flipside and shown what would happen if Vriska had been spared in that moment

and the answer is

the same goddamn thing, Vriska leaves her, Terezi can’t get closure from it and her life spirals downward from there

except here were sort of shown what might have been her saving grace, an actual system of support from someone she cares about, and someone she can support in return

what an actual relationship is actually supposed to be

the reason why constant relationships didn’t solve her problems everytime she made new ones is because they were relationships built solely on whims, feelings, maybe some physical passion

but none of them actually offered any actual support or companionship

wanting to love someone really really hard and wanting to be loved by someone really really hard doesn’t solve your problems no,

but having someone to help you through those problems and work on them with you does actually help solve problems

I think that’s the key difference here in asking “which relationship would “”fix”” Terezi” the answer being the only actual two-way relationship she might have ever had

Channel change time for Karkat

and an alive Meenah, I forget how that happened in Meat but eh

anyway next page

“But if he doesn’t care that much, and there’s nothing to it, then why does he do it? Why does he seem to put care into the nonsense he badgers her with? He supposes he could ask the same of many features of his life. Why does he care? Why does he put the time in? When you can’t shake the feeling that nothing here has much intrinsic meaning—or rings as “canon,” to drop a term he has to admit has worn out some welcome in his vocabulary—how does one justify even leaving the house? “

that phrase there, “Nothing Here has much intrinsic meaning -or Rings as Canon” feels like a double meaning

on the one hand, John is saying nothing in this world feels like it’s actually real

on the other hand, the phrase can be read as “There are no Rings of Canon in this world” as physical objects

and we just got done seeing a page about the Life Ring

I wonder if those rings are not also imbued with some idea of not just Life, but canon?

and if that’s the case

maybe the two rings really are each half of what would become the house juju cursor thing

going on with the symbolic metaphor of two opposite objects mutually self destructing and creating something new

maybe when you destroy both rings by bringing them together, in the wake of their destruction would form the original plot hole - the cursor juju, a literal canon shaping hole in the plot

it’s kind of like the idea of two similar dimensional things coming together to make a higher dimensional thing, themselves seemingly being removed from those lower dimensions in the process

like, what happens when you fundamentally merge two perfectly identical 2 dimensional circles?

you get a singular 3rd dimensional sphere and no more 2d circles

so what happens when you merge two 3rd dimensional circular rings? 

a literal 4th dimensional “hole” in canon where they once were

that’s my thinking anyway

anyway back to John having a breakdown over Terezi’s death

man Candy sure is something, I can’t really decide which one I found more interesting Candy or Meat

I felt like there was maybe more to react to in Meat, but there’s interesting bits in Candy as well

oh damn though ten year time skip on the next page O.o

oh fuck we skipped the war and gone straight to the dystopian nightmare havent we

their curfew is 13 minutes after midnight??? that’s so odd, also that makes it either 12:13 or 00:13 however you look at it

oh look, It’s JohnVris 2.0

huh, Karkat and Meenah got a love story out of it too

Now I wanna see a photoshop of like, Big Boss or whathisface from metal gear but just like trollified and with karkat’s horns

So Candy is definitely representing this idea of a character’s potential for the kinds of story arcs they might have, no matter what ends up happening

John stepping into his dad’s shoes and becoming a loving husband and father

Karkat becoming a revolutionary against a twisted tyrannical planet

these individual story beats all fall in line with their characters and what they might have been, had sburb never have been involved in their lives in the first place, is what I think

Roxy pops out a baby and become a mom after having a romance with a dashing young man is basically Rose’s Mom Lalonde’s storyline

Rose eventually becoming a key figure in a rebellion on a tyrannical version of earth is the same story here on Earth C as it was in the history of Roxy’s original planet as HER Mom Lalonde

but its the context of the story that makes it different or not

but these core tenants of the kinds of things and choices all these characters would do doesn’t really change all that much when you strip them down into their simplest forms

so in a way, even though nothing here is canon, it’s giving the audience and idea of what the story would be like if it was canon, how characters might react or grow up to be and the potential they have for doing certain things

but doing that also takes away all the nuance and symbolism of why it’s relevant and important for each story, and context matters intensely

John seems to reconcile with Jade and Dave if he’s the best man at their wedding

and if Dave is marrying Jade and John’s here and their all okay and it’s being held at Jake’s mansion....

no their making it clear theyre siding with Rose and Kanaya, but not as much as they could be I guess

Damn Roxy, I expected better of you, really? But she’s honestly just trying to gravitate towards the thing that makes her personally the happiest, with no regard to how she’s throwing everyone under the bus, p selfish of her

and for real, she’s with the people she always considered her closest friends

Jake’s actually the one going against their grain the most, but that might be because the closest person to him is already dead, and then his runner up is viewing Jade as his alt universe grandma. his channel with Jane is ruined and well, Jake wasn’t close with Roxy or Callie

people just value certain relationships over others sometimes

damn this one ends on a really somber note though

extremely filled with nostalgia of missed potential

Candy is where nothing went right for anyone technically

Oh shit it’s real Vriska, who fell into the black hole in Meat yeah?

Yeah with the way shes screaming about needing to see what happens when you beat the final boss it’s that Vriska hoo boy

hilariously channeling the desperation of the people who read this when it first dropped no wonder though

I am noticing in Candy that despite more and more history being generated, I have less and less to react to

that one line though about what the passage of time must feel like to immortals, that feelings of what used to feel like a day now only feels like a couple hours, what used to feel like a week now feels like a couple days

time gets faster the more you live it

pretty soon a day will be but a blink of an eye for people like John

#Homestuck #Meat or Candy

[princeyadon]

alright got home

thoughts on the trailer:

1.) new mons i actually love p much all of em, even if it’s just like, 4 new ones shown

2.) im wondering if that train seen goes all over the region?? but the region still looks full of life, at least in the cities

3.) i see they’re still removing HMs or the need for them as field moves, since that new bird mon serves as Fly. but it doesn’t look like it’ll be the same way gen 7 did it [which is good, it makes ride mons a gen 7 thing which helps w identity if u get what i mean]

4.) controllable cAMERA??? even if it’s just for a certain space, still, this is like, “holy shit we can move diagonally now” kind of shit. this might get this a lot tho but it feels very “open world” for pokemon, i guess id refer to this as the botw effect as its success wouldn’t make other games moving towards that open world experience a surprise. i do like this feature, even if it’s just for the “wild area”, that’s good! it means im actually hopeful for a full or mostly open world pokemon game.

this is a crazy step away from how linear gen 7′s map was [or was made to be w story progression]. im hoping it doesn’t get limited w hand holding!

5.) first impression for dynamax?? uhh, i feel like pokemon doesn’t need to keep adding all these weird “woah super powerful now!!” features. 

Pros: 

i think it’s funny, not in a bad way either, like it gives the game a lot of personality 

It can really be shocking or surprising in a battle, like the opportunity to make someone go “what!?” or rethink their battle strategy is interesting to me!

3 turns and only once in a battle is really good, i think it balances out way more and i initially thought it’d be like the mega case where it stays big till end of battle, or swapped out.

Cons: 

i just feel like each game is going to get some new over the top mechanic and eventually it’ll be a case of “how can we outdo the last one to keep interest!” and will spiral out of control.

it’s a lot to keep up with, really. im not an insanely hardcore fan or anything but even as someone who has managed to keep up w every gen [except i still havent played bw2 idk why] i find each new installment makes me struggle to keep keeping up... esp if you can use megas *and* z moves *and* dynamax in a battle...

i didn’t see any mention of needing an item held by the mon, but i did see the z-ring like device so im hoping it doesn’t actually make u hold an item for it;;;

6.) MAX RAID BATTLES???? IM ALWAYS DOWN FOR NEW MULTIPLAYER FEATURES AAAAAA

only problem is that uh... i don’t have many people on my switch, or esp not on at the same time as me //looks at splatoon

i also really like that the mons u encounter are [based on how much they mention it] really affected by weather/overworld. it means i have more replayability or motive to come back often to check the weather and mons i haven’t caught yet. esp as someone who tends to end up memorizing how many mons are on a route and which ones are rare

7.) leon looks like dad friend energy. im fucking crying tho his cape is full of stickers so he reminds me of those racing cars w ads all over em, and im betting that’s what his cape basically is

HIS NAME IS HOP???

finally another female professor 

8.) it looks like u get dynamaxing early..?? based on the gym footage, but it could be that they’re limited to showing certain mons..? i really hope u don’t get it so soon;;;

9.) :///// the.. l.. egendaries....

ok im.. im not a big fan of the designs like.. at all. they feel.. generic?? in a sort of, novice furry artist makes an oc, kind of way. yall literally couldn’t do better than putting a sword in a wolf’s mouth?????? idk, i feel like it leaves a lot to be desired. they’re also a little too similar? a lot of mons that match as legendaries were created w themes/matching visuals but still had enough differing features you can recognize em right off the bat [like the lake trio or eon siblings]. if u took away the sword and the shield, i can’t recognize who is who without looking closely. hell, i had a hard time adjusting when they showed their profiles.

otherwise they’re big gay and im down w that. unless they’re related

10.) shit i forgot to mention really quick: gym battles--or, gyms specifically, seem to be gone more or less. the puzzle aspect of the gym itself hasn’t been shown so im under the impression it’ll work a lot more like the anime in that you go in and fight the leader in a stadium, OR you have to make yer way to the stadium through the puzzle. either way can’t say. 

Also, im worried abt the new mons roster. i don’t mind that every few games doesn’t give us a full 100+ set of new mons, but judging by the amount of older gens i saw in the trailer, im going to be under the impression that the roster is looking a lot like gen 6 and we’re gonn get abt ~50 new mons. as a result;

i won’t be viewing anymore spoilers to make sure i have a better experience! bls don’t show me any new mons past this trailer thank you!

#text #swsh spoilers #spoilers #pokemon sword shield #pokemon direct #long post

[imnotmeimbpd]

Rachel..

This is kind of stupid, like those "shouts into the void" type of deals. I dont even think fan mail is a thing of my time. I'm not even really hoping you retrieve this honestly, I think I just want to pretend I have someone to talk/write/vent to that understands.

Reading your book has helped me immensely, I guess not in a "helped me want to keep living way", but in a "helped me not feel so fucked up way". I thought my "thoughts" were all my own, but reading your book(Get me out of here) has shown me otherwise. Living with BPD, that kind of messes with you. It honestly helped in some areas, and at the same time makes me feel like I am only my disorder. Like my disorder is the reason I think half of the things I think. So am I really real? Who am I, Rachel? I havent really got to the point in the book with the happy ending, where you tell me everything will be okay and you lived out a happy life regardless of this bullshit. But the more I read, the more I feel I'm sitting there with you in that therapy room. So many things you've done, I have. I've learned things, painful truths that were hard to read through. I wish people could grasp them as we do. I wish people could feel what we feel, or be as patient as your therapist is with you.

I've managed to push out everyone around me. I have no hope for any romantical or even just personal relationships in my life. They are all out to hurt me, Rachel. They say they love me, but they are lying to me. They make me feel like a monster. But I see things, they hide things, they lie, they cheat.

In a way I guess I dont blame them, who could possibly just want me. Who could possibly look at me, and want to spend the rest of a lifetime with me. No one. I disgust myself, but they disgust me when they lie. How could I not get angry? How could I not, not trust people, when all they do is seek to destroy me? I have no one. I have lost absolutely everyone.

I have no family members, except my father. My father is now in college studying to be a therapist, ironic right? I am just a mere client in his life. He used to mock, and belittle me growing up for all my intense mood swings, and behaviors. Now he acts as though he understands because hes been in and out of institutions after him and mom split in my teen years. As if leaving me was enough, he also tried to leave this world. My whole family has tried to. My brother succeeded on a drug binge one night of heroin and alcohol, rest his soul. I miss him. My other siblings still live out the addict lifestyle, so I stay away as I'm desperately trying to stay sober. I have no one but me, and at times that is the worst possible thing for me. I have become completely enveloped in despair and disease. I truly believe I am losing it. I only have moments of regularity before I am going off the deep end again. I've been in therapy for over half my life now, and been through numerous medications. When does life become clear? When does the want to live come? When do I stop disappointing and frightening people? I love everyone so much that it tears me apart, but they dont even see that. They focus on the angry boughts, and self destructive mannerisms, they choose to only see the bad in me. That shit hurts.

I'm at constant war with myself, telling myself to give up and telling myself to keep going, telling myself to lose everyone around me, and to message them back. I'm in constant pain, I walk around with a weight in my chest, but at the same time feel so god damn empty. How is that possible? I'm fucking exhausted, Rachel. I dont want to fucking be here anymore. I cant imagine how you made it to thirty, considering I cant even think about making it to the end of this month. Everything just hurts, and all i can do is fucking feel it.

I have so much trauma in my life, I can't imagine how long my therapy journey will take before I get to say my "goodbye" to my therapist. I used to be able to block all of this out, you know? I used to be different. Even a year ago, I was so different then who I am now. How does that happen? How does all the trauma break out of you like this? How fucking sickening. When I sit and think about it, I honestly start to suffocate. Are we actually the biggest liars in our life? How we spent our whole lives hiding everything that hurt, masking it all with fake smiles and laughs. We shoved it all away, if not for everyone else. Yet were the monsters now? How could we not be? Were fucking filled to the brim with decades of ache because we put our own pain last to everyone, because all we wanted was for them to be okay, and now look, were alone, and they arent.

That's evil, sick, and revolting. I was born to be a doormat, staircase, a filler, a helping hand for everyone else. Now I look in the mirror and im nothing but bruises and scars. How could I not self-destruct? It's all I've known, ripped and tore myself for everyone, even me.

Now I'm so mad at everything, I cant breathe. If someone doesnt make my coffee right, it's like they're out to personally spite me. I think on all my friendships, old and new, and regret all of them. I dont trust anyone, literally. I go to sit at the lake and be in the sun, the sun, which I used to love just a year ago, and I wont even get out of my car. What's happening to me?

I dont even know who I am anymore.

I'm torturing myself. I cant make it stop.

I should stop here, before I just keep coming back and making one big, monotonous, and bullshit letter.

You'll hear from me soon, i mean who else do I have to talk to.

-K

#borderline personality disorder #actually borderline #borderline problems #mental health #mental disorder #mentally ill #get me out of here #rachel reiland #being borderline #borderline things #borderline personality problems #borderline personality traits #depression #suicide #author #bpd #actually bpd #bpd problems #bpd thoughts #bpd feels #mentally unstable #personal #my writing #writing #long post #long reads #suicidal #heartbroken #psycho #psychosis

[synodicatalyst]

what do u think abt rose/m and vriska/m in fandom? if u search the tags u can still find active shippers (notably joh/nrose n j/ohnv/ris) w ppl denying that they can be lesbians. common arguments r like "its biphobic to say shes a lesbian bc on page 5471 line 39 she canonically flirted w a boy!! lol" while ignoring,,, that comphet is a Thing... what i find esp interesting as an actual bi person is that these ppl are seldom bi themselves; it reads more like theyre trying to justify their (1/2)

like of the pair (like dirk/f shippers saying "jOhN is a hETeroSexual but people ship [joh/ndave joh/nkat etc]!!!! str8 oppression!" or "uhhh in this pesterlog with roxy he said he ISNT GAY" while ignoring all other textual evidence that goes against it,,, or altogether cherrypicking the parts they want to hear to support their het narrative). its honestly a bit disheartening to see this like. ok in some instances things are left up for interpretation, but why would you want to say (2/3 whoops)

(for example) that rose is bi bc she "flirted w john/dave" when there are so many interactions in-canon where she was only interested in women!! and for bi rep, why would you want her instead of NUMEROUS characters shown to express attraction to multiple genders (eg dave, roxy, karkat, jade just to name a few!) like i personally find that to be more than a bit iffy, especially in 2018 and not like. 2010 when dav/ejade joh/nrose etc was popular. (3/3)

wow anon really spicing up my inbox today huh [its ok i love some spice]

uhm..hm. i think..well.. i gave up being super angry about j/hnr/se (and other rose/dude) ships a lil while ago because i mean, there is literally nothing i can do that will stop those folks. like me being like ‘yall shes obviously a lesbian’ isnt going to stop user ilovejo//hnro//se69 (thats not a real user tho afaik) from shipping their ship

i will say that its 2018 and if you havent gotten the memo yet...rose is pretty clearly a lesbian [see: jasprosesprite’s unabashed flirting with like All The Girls and zero of the boys] and i genuinely dont understand why you’d want to ship her with a dude

it is pretty disheartening and i do find it genuinely disrespectful towards both lesbians and bisexual folks (especially bi women) because using bisexuality in order to “validate” your boring m/f ship that died in 2012 is a shitty thing to do. it feels like people are commodifying bisexuality because they can’t handle that perhaps lesbians exist

with regards to vriska - i think that her situation is a bit different, because she was never explicitly stated to be a lesbian in the comic, and this new age of lesbian vriska is definitely just largely in part due to this sect (i.e. the lesbian sect) of the fandom seeing vriska and realising that she has Big Lesbian Energy and also shares very large portions of her story with The Lesbian Narrative (in that her only important relationships that actually affected her emotionally were all with women; xtine once said that vriska got more worked up about aradia’s indifference towards her than she felt about tavros in the entire comic which is very true) and her arc definitely shows lots of traits of like, comphet (going after tavros because of her ancestor and because she thought that’s what she was supposed to do) and general social dissonance.

so like, there’s a lot about vriska that points towards her being a lesbian, and frankly i genuinely cannot imagine her being in a fulfilled or happy relationship with a man, at all (and it surprises me that some people can). however this was never stated outright in the comic, and a lot of this evidence is probably more difficult to pick out or relate to if you’re..not .. a lesbian, obviously, which is fair. i still dont put stock in people who use john, tavros, eridan or fucking nic cage as “evidence” for vriska being attracted to men because all of those relationships (if they were even that) fucking sucked and vriska was not invested in like any of them emotionally [apart from john but there’s like a Lot to that and ultimately i think vriska wasn’t romantically interested in him, she was just not used to being treated like a normal person and john helped her realise that the hyperviolence imposed upon her by society was shitty]

i.. dont want to be Like That but i genuinely just think it’s unfair when people take characters who are very obviously Lesbians [or gay men i.e. dirk] and be like ‘ya well heres an m/f relationship i like with u in it’ when homestuck has like. COUNTLESS characters who are bi/attracted to folks of another gender

and i get annoyed about rose’s lesbian identity being erased in the same way i distrust folks who erase dave’s bisexuality, because similarly, his bisexuality is an important, integral part of his character and erasure is bad

I WILL ALSO SAY bi terezi is more valid than bi vriska though i hc both as lesbians 90% of the time, but folks that go “uhhh calling terezi a lesbian is bi erasure!” and ignore the whole “you dont need him” retcon arc really don’t... get it and are failing to empathise with the folks who see their narrative in her (i am not trashing on bi terezi its a headcanon that i love too dont twist this shit)

also in general i just question the motivation of people who see characters in loving relationships with folks of the same gender, squint at it, and go “nah this sucks my m/f ship is better”

not to invalidate non-het folks in m/f relationships but yall cannot make me fucking care about like.........d/vej/de on my goddamn life

#long ass fucking post #discourse #hexa.txt #atext #anon #asks

[materialisnt]

big fucking rant abt the coda films and audism under the cut, do not reblog (yes we are hard of hearing yes we are a part of the Deaf community)

just watched coda (the apple tv film) n holy shit what a terrible movie. like, the asl was really good (except for the incredibly random simcomming on the part of the hearing main character), but everything else felt grimy with hearing assumptions abt deaf ppl. you can play familial conflict for humor without portraying deaf parents as having no boundaries + manipulative. they dont even touch on WHY hearing family members are often FORCED to interpret: the legal protections that are supposed to make it illegal to deny interpreters in medical and legal settings are routinely ignored with inadequate funding and a drought of qualified interpreters. CODA showed no attempts at trying to get (actually qualified) interpreters or any accommodations deaf people use to interface with hearing society. we see a teenage daughter interpretting (badly) for her deaf parents at an appointment for a genital rash played for laughs with nothing from the deaf family even trying to find another solution. the same scene could have come after a waiting room scene where the nurse says no one called the interpreter agency, or theres no interpreters available, or any of the very real things that happen to deaf people regularly!! they literally had a legal hearing where the only interpreter present is their daughter, which is extremely illegal. that doesnt mean it doesnt happen, it definitely happens and worse, but it doesnt happen because deaf people just force their children to interpret all the time with no attempt to rectify the situation.

if they wanted to portray this family as like specifically dysfunctional in this regard they could have shown them contrasted with other deaf people where its pointed out, but nope!

also the deaf people are portrayed as completely uninterested in music?????????????? as if there arent deaf musicians and dancers?????? newsflash hearing people!!! music isnt just for you!!!! showing deaf ppl in this way was SO gross and orresponsible and we havent even gotten to the very creepy racism prevalent throughout the entire film nor the weird as hell relationship between the main characters older brother and her teenage best friend. again: no contrast with other deaf people or spotlight on deaf musicians. at least in the shitty CODA short (diff director and cast) there were two deaf drummers, and the big musical performance was interpretted so her family could engage

hearing ppl making movies n films n art abt deaf ppl n deaf culture yall need to seriously shut the fuck up and take several seats. yall are not the precious uwu protagonist in Deaf culture. yall dont get to make audism All About You because, newsflash, it never fucking is. when your romantic lil field trips through our culture are over WE'RE STILL HERE. fighting for recognition, respect, and access. get your greedy fucking hands off our culture and learn how to shut up when its not all about you.

you shouldnt need films like the apple CODA or the short film CODA (both written by hearing ppl not involved in the Deaf community) to learn about us and support our struggles. you should not need these fantasies about "not fitting in with either world" where youre the main character in a forbidden love triangle with music and Deaf culture (which is SO fucking audist i cant even begin) in order to form cognitive empathy for what we go through. do not pity us. do not patronize us. do not treat our language like a hobby or a toy or something YOU do for US. learn about our culture in a way that doesnt revolve around you. (we dont want this reblogged bc we arent v articulate and its taken us a long time to come to terms w being hard-of-hearing n being able to say we are in the Deaf community bc of lack of medical support and growing up hearing. we sign to communicate but english is our first language and our community involvement is online due to being homebound. pls respect this boundary)

#do not rb

[ithisatanytime]

i keep thinking i am reaching my peak physically, like i am gonna go bald enough that it matters, which honestly my hair looks better in my opinion with a little widows peak, and there are things you can take to prevent and reverse the baldness and the puffy nips, i just feel fucking beautiful.

   you might be thinking, jake ive seen you, you look ugly, and trust me i can understand feeling that way, but i DONT feel that way about my face anymore or my body, i feel clean inside and out if that makes sense, i have been searching for this feeling my whole life.

 get your hormones checked and if you do get on test run aromasin every single day after 4 weeks on cycle, if you get low e2 sides ignore it, remember aromasin was shown to be unable to crash e2 in men who had NORMAL test levels meaning even without exogenous test, a full 25 mg aromasin every day for one month never crashed any of their estrogen and kept it in normal range. no one is using it right and i read so many lies about it which fucked up my mood and ruined any benefit i was getting out of the test, mild low e2 symptoms are waayyy better than high test, and for as bad as fully crashed e2 is you CANNOT crash e2 taking 25 mg per day for even a man not taking test. but you have to take it every fucking day, i was taking it every third day and every other day, paranoid about crashing my estrogen because that was conventional wisdom, dont listen to conventional reddit wisdom, take aromasin 25 mg every day, after week four, do not stop, it will not crash your e2, dont even fuck with arimidex honestly its harder to “dial in”. with aromasin its already dailed in for you, one 25 mg pill a day every day after week 4. also give that shit time to work, its gonna take way longer than they say, think of it like a second puberty, that shit takes years.

 again this might not be why i have been consistently happy, but i havent had 2 good days in a row in years. so i just want to share what i did, doesnt mean it will work for you. but it probably will honestly, test levels fell by FIFTY GODDAMN percent on ONE GENERATION, with fertility drops too match, the fact that more people dont know about this is shocking, its an actual emergency that threatens our whole species, i used to think it was a result of natural selection accelerated in humans by our extremely advanced sexual selection (it gives evolution “eyes” so to speak, less of a straight up pass fail kind of thing) woman were selecting men with lower testosterone as our society became lest individualistic and more importance was placed on cooperation and communication skills. but that shocking difference in such a short period of time, is way too much too fast. none of the reasons they give accurately explain away the problem, and its a big fuckign problem, like “Children of Men” style problem, i know you have heard about over population but thats literally just because the continent of africa has higher fertility rates and we are feeding them like crazy, i know thats a dehumanizing way to explain that but its honest and concise. the west is losing people a certain kind of person, and those people are experiencing MASSIVE drops in fertility and sexual dimorphism . if white people were frogs, herpetologists would be studying us to see if there were hormones in the water turning the freakin frogs gay.

[legalrehab]

I was learning about how each social media platform appeals to completely different demographics and realized the only way to get more visibility on my art was to try them all. I love talking shit, so lemme start with the worst to best based on my experience personally - I know this could be completely different for others though.

YouTube - yo man fuck youtube, me and the homies hate youtube. My content has been shown to literally no one that I havent shown myself and friends of those friends. Getting popular here is the worst, either you will hit gold or you will struggle for YEARS to get an audience. There is no inbetween. I can't even blame an algorithm here it's so bad.

Tumblr- I love y'all but i gave up trying to get a following here years ago LMAO

Instagram - This binch is the ultimate pit of the malicious algorithm. With it constantly changing, you'll hardly find a way to get your content seen. However you'll probably hit the algorhythm *just right* once or twice and then spend your time trying to beg for big-tiddy-algorhythm gf to notice you again. Most of the content pushed to you was paid to be seen, remember that.

Twitch - Surprisingly a weird place to find success in art. The core audience isn't here to see art and that's ok- I dont expect much here. It's hard to make drawing for 2 to 3 hours interesting, but I'm actually surprised I've obtained a steady stream of viewers here. Now 80% of them are my supportive friends that I know personally. However finding an audience at all on a platform not designed for me in mind goes to show it's not the cruelest algorithm, and if you're giving people a reason to stay then they just might.

Facebook- Not surprisingly, I've done decent on Facebook. People like to look at pretty pictures and share said pretty pictures here! However I notice I don't get much engagement here, this platform is more of a way to judge and critique your art than expand your career as an artist. If I submit a piece that does well - then I know it's some good shit. But people are likely to like, share, sometimes comment (normally to tag someone) but hardly ever 'subscribe' to you as an artist- if that makes sense.

Twitter - Twitter is a chaotic place where the bar is set really fucking high. Fanart does great here but good luck on original pieces lmao. Good content will spread like wildfire, but because there are soooo many artists on twitter your competition is br00tal. The stuff I've submitted here that does well is stuff I'm really proud of thankfully.

TikTok - I'm gonna be honest , I've been on TikTok for three days and I have more engagement then any other platform I've ever been on. Even more than when I did cosplay. I'm gonna try to not become algorithm-hungry on this one but I think it speaks to adapting to change and using the platform that's really popular right now. Sorry for everything I said about you TikTok, can we be friends? 🥺🥺🥺

[calumcest]

first of all it's so nice to see that you're back & i hope you're feeling better? :) i really get that your friend wanted to leave, hamburg is just the worst and dresden is really such a beautiful city i understand your love for it well :) do you have any plans about going back to dresden? & berlin too since you said you want to? (i'm gonna assume corona kind of cancelled any eventual plans but still) & may i ask where in england you live? i love england/the uk a lot so i was wondering 🙈 (pt1)

(pt3) for example i personally love hearing about good parts of the east bc it's always shown like hell on earth when it wasn't all bad really? and i don't think i ever noticed anything about our landscape but that might just be bc i didn't pay attention 😅 is there sth specific that stuck out to you? and off the top of my head the first difference that comes to my mind is how there is still a pay gap between east and west which is mindblowing to me, and then the general behaviour?

(pt4) like my english teacher was from baden-württemberg and he had really big problems adjusting to our general tone? like apparently people in the west are more open and easier to approach which i found really fascinating. and i mean we are pretty divided by language though that's not exactly a west/east conflict i mean sachsen and berlin have such different dialects too. oh & i meant west germany until 90 - that just feels like the history of a different country to me.

(pt5) & i definitely associate myself more w berlin than with germany which also feels so weird? oh that's so niice!! i love these pics :) i was so afraid you'd say that 😅 it's always been pfannkuchen to me, berliner just sounds fucking wrong (i do get your points about it i just can't accept it bc it feels so so wrong) i don't have a strong opinion about nutella tbh except for it's clearly not der nutella. you're so right about that. like it literally makes me cringe to hear 'der nutella'.

(pt6) that's so valid articles cause a lot of distress since they just don't make sense sometimes. and if you're infiltrating duden already please remove kaktusse as a plural of kaktus i would really appreciate it bc the fact that they put that in literally makes me want to claw my skin off. hope you can find it for free! and you should definitely rewatch hsm! i did that at the beginning of lockdown and it was amazing

(pt7) ooh that sounds amazing!! and so funny just from the description i can't wait for more holyverse :) also quickly wanted to mention that thanks to all your atl promo i'm now listening to nothing but them 😂 -spoiler twin 

thank you!! i am feeling a little better gradually getting there taking a big ol social media break really helped! also yes i’m DESPERATE to move back to dresden the issue is i dont know wtf i’d be able to do there? because of the way the education system is set up in germany like i studied (man had to change that to past tense cant believe i’m DONE) history and german here and in germany that would be part of lehramt but here its like? i can just do what i like? (w further qualifications) i can go and become a lawyer, i can work in government, i can literally do anything and in germany its so restricted that i dont know whether i could actually go over unless i’d already established myself in a career path? so i don’t know :( i really really want to move back but i’ll have to find a career that lets me do that first! and if i do move back (which i pray i can) i think i’ll probably live in dresden first because i miss it so much but i’ve always wanted to live in berlin since i was a teenager and fell in love w it the first time i visited so i would love to live there at some point too but dresden is my priority i’m just so besotted sjdfnjsdf also i live in london! best place on the planet not that i’m biased or antyhing 

omg honestly i MISS kika might just fuck around and watch sending mit der maus tomorrow for fun i wonder if christoph is still there he was my childhood icon sjkdnfksjdf also me too!! i find it so interesting on like a day to day level? like obviously there was the overarching political regime but i’m more interested in how that affected the everyday lives of citizens of both states? my masters thesis is (hopefully) gonna be about how hiv/aids was constructed in the public sphere through language in the east and west i.e. how the government, intellectuals, media, church etc used language to create an idea of hiv/aids and people with hiv/aids its kind of building on my bachelorarbeit but its super interesting to me! 

omg literally same i find it so reductive when people are like ossi bad haha like? yeah lets not act like hohenschönhausen was a cushy hotel but there was much more stability in some areas e.g. housing/jobs? honestly i think the attitudes towards foreigners and the right wing sympathy was the main thing that stood out to me but that was probably just dresden/saxony LMAO 

that’s so interesting? i didn’t know that! honestly all of you lot scare me because the stereotype about how direct the germans are is like...so true especially as a brit i cannot lie to you my FIRST day at work i was in a meeting and they were discussing ideas about how to teach a particular lesson and one teacher put forward an idea and another teacher straight up went ‘no that’s a bad idea that won’t work. we should think about something else’ i was literally like ?!?!??!?! thinking a fight was about to break out cos in the uk if someone offers an idea and someone thinks its bad theyll be like ‘thats an interesting idea! maybe we can incorporate some elements of that’ which means its shit dont mention it again and i went home and i told my mum (shes my german parent) and she said when she first came to the uk her boss came out to his secretary and said would you mind doing this? and she went home to my dad and was like WOW my boss is so polite he said ‘would you mind’ and my dad was like babes...that means ‘do this or else’ LMAO like we just have such different communication styles? also it was the first place that i’ve ever been met with confusion when someone bumps into me or steps on my foot and i apologise like in the uk thats just a given but people would bump into me and i’d be like schuldigung and they’d be like why are you sorry i bumped into you not the other way round? 

that’s interesting! would you call yourself a berliner before calling yourself a german or vice versa? i assume it would depend on who you’re talking to as well like to a foreigner maybe more likely to just say german? although everyone knows where berlin is

omg NO pfannkuchen is a prper pancake but i will accept it because you are from berlin so you have authority i genuinely never heard pfannkuchen mean anything other than what dresdeners call eierkuchen until i was in dresden THAT was a nasty surprise because i dont actually like berliner so i just had to politely eat this berliner when i was expecting crepes :’( 

oh god please the first thing i’md oing when i infiltrate duden is getting rid of cases and genders if english can make do without then so can german we do not need any of that nonsense i dont care whether its dative or accusative TERRIBLE whoever invented the german language should be fired also i’m FASCINATED that thats what you dont like what would you like the plural to be kakti? kakten? kaktüsse? i’m very intersted in this 

I’M LIVING!!!!! alex gaskarth give me a commission for this free promo please god i love atl i need to relisten i went on a binge a few weeks ago and havent really listened to much recently besides vegas for some reason 

#spoiler twin #Anonymous #helen answers #HELLOOOOOOOO WHY WONT MY READ MORE WORK