#who i JUST remembered was a grisha. no i do not remember what kind & i lost their character sheet

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

The way of the water

request: can i have some kaz x grisha!reader where she's a tidemaker and during a heist he falls into the water and she uses her powers to pull him out and helps him through a panic attack? hurt/comfort and preferably established relationship pls and thx

a/n I am so tired that I do not know what this is. And I really apologize if it is bad.

warning: drowning?, fear of water, not really played into his touch aversion.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Kaz was convinced that you were simply his best investment. A quick and smart way of dealing with his fear of water. He had torn earth and sky. Put at least five bullets between different merchants' eyes before he found you locked in a glass tomb. For a moment, you looked repulsive to him. Floating in the water like a corpse. But then again, he remembered the gossip. The way the creature was forced into a trance. It had been the only way to drag you out of the village the salesman had raided once the word about your kind spread. Just you didn’t remind him of a creature...

“Unlock her," Kaz had muttered to Jasper, who had stood gaping like a fish himself, “and I don’t know... offer her water." Kaz had glanced one more time at you. “Very funny, boss," Jasper hissed. “You do know that she could bite my head off and drown me once I...", but Jasper was only met with a slam of the door.

The weeks that followed left Kaz both satisfied and frustrated. You had tried to run only five times in a span of two weeks. In an angry haze, Kaz had locked you against the staircase railing. Much to everyone’s displeasure. But then he only managed to sit in his office for an hour before he found himself reaching for his cane.

“Extend your leg," he muttered, watching as the droplets fell to the floor. Your angry eyes darted toward him. “Sometimes I’m glad you can’t move blood," he muttered under his breath. “Careful, maybe you don’t know all of my tricks," you huffed, pulling your chained leg beneath yourself. Kaz inhaled deeply. He needed you. There was no use in you if you just sulked.

“You do know that I wasn’t the one who brought you here. I saved you from a very bleak existence. You should be thankful," he said blankly. “My apologies; you want me to bow or kneel?”, you scowled back. “I don’t want to exploit you, I..." Kaz swallowed thickly. He hadn’t told anyone why he had been so close to obsessively looking for you. He was sure they had found their conclusions on their own. “I need your help," he finished.

Kaz watched as curiosity flicked in your gaze. He knew that you weren’t going to ask. You could very well just sit there for hours. “I don’t like... I have a complicated relationship with water." For some reason, Kaz was waiting for you to start laughing. Make a joke. But the expression on your face didn’t change. If anything, the harsh frown eased up. “It… I had to be near corpses during the plague”, Kaz pulled at the suit he was wearing as his throat slowly closed up with anxiety. But then, in a heartbeat, the air in the room shifted. The dripping of the leaks in the roof faded to nothing. Kaz lifted his head to assess the droplets turning to mist the moment they entered the room. Once he glanced back down, he found you standing with the chained leg extended to him. He held your gaze for a moment before nodding. A silent understanding taking shape between you both.

“It’s an easy job. Pick up the document and go." It had been a while since any job had come into Kaz’s view. One he would like to take on, at least. Until now. He needed that handbook, the new shipment trades, and the new substance that had leaked into the market. “Worst-case scenario, there’s a harbor," Kaz tapped onto the map. His eyes caught yours across the room. He had sworn to never involve you in the Six Crows business but caved in after watching you wilt into nothing for weeks. So now he just offered you the safest job he could find. To stand watch. To leave false trails. To watch his back if a big body of water was near.

“Fourth floor. You will go through here." Kaz quickly averted his gaze. “I will scale the outside wall." He could hear the sharp breath you had taken in. He knew why. The side wall was bordered by the edge of the dock. Kaz swallowed thickly and said, “Get me that fucking book," before folding the map up and showing it into the top drawer of the desk.

The salty water kissed your skin as you slowly walked into the waves. You knew that Kaz watched you from his spot. You could feel his eyes on you. It had been weird the last few months. Going from full terror to finding a strange family of sorts. Yet still, it was Kaz who intrigued you the most. It was unusual the relationship between you two. If you could even call it that. You rarely talked, but then it never felt like you had to. He understood. And when he wanted you to be there when he tried to overcome his fear of water, you would just linger there. Like a phantom touch. Guarding him. And then he would stand there looking at you for hours. Eyes pouring more than words could ever tell.

You are the one watching him now. Like a shadow. Crawling up the wall. Each move is calculated, each move is planned out. Covered by the waves crashing against the shore. It always bugged you in the moments when you couldn’t see him. When he was inside the building, outside of your sight. You couldn’t protect him there. Even if Jasper had told you time after time that it was you and all of them that needed saving from Kaz, not the other way around.

A loud bang sent your head shooting up to the balcony. Voices following through. Shouts. Glass braking. The light flickering on throughout the whole upper floor. One that was supposed to stay undisturbed. Your own heart picked up in pace. Then the dark coat appeared, swaying in the wind. Another figure leaped upfront. The two wrestle in the tight spaces. A loud snap. And there it was. The time stopped still as a flash of Kaz’s face eliminated by the moon glimpsed by right as his body was forced over the railing. You had barely managed to swallow his name while diving into the waves. Forcing your body to move as fast as possible.

The free fall felt short, but the impact of the water felt as if Kaz had been drowning for an eternity. He didn’t even realize that he was falling into the water. He was prepared for hard ground. But the panic that filled his body when he was submerged made him let out a gasp. Filling his lungs with salty water. Memories of the past clasped clammy hands all over him, dragging him deeper and deeper. The light from the moon fading away.

And then it’s as if he’s wrapped in an invisible net. Kaz blinks once, and it’s you there. Right in front of him. By some absolute stupidity, he tries to call out your name. Letting more water into his lungs. Your eyes grow big, and then your fingers are grasping for him. Kaz catches that apologetic expression on your face before you pull him closer to you. Lips crashing into his, and at once it feels as if his lungs don’t remember how to breathe or how to welcome that gust of oxygen. But he’s holding onto you regardless. Feeling the fear fade away until it all goes black.

“Look at me," you frantically tap at Kaz’s cheek. Breathing heavily. The very tips of the waves still kissing your legs. You didn’t have enough energy to pull you both out fully. Feet slipping beneath the wet sand. Making you fall over, with Kaz’s body following right with you. "Kaz," you press your ear against his chest, trying to listen for a heartbeat, but you’re too anxious and too shaky to distinguish anyway.

“Why aren’t you waking up? Wake up!" You whine in frustration, pressing your lips against his now-blue ones. A kiss from you had to be enough. Had to breathe him back to life. You couldn’t have been too late. Couldn’t have. And then Kaz jerks, sitting up in a rush, his pained coughs slipping past his lips. You don’t dare to touch him now. You know he doesn’t like it. You had already overstepped as it was, but now.

“What the fuck?", he hissed through clenched teeth, making you drop your gaze. “Are you out of your mind?”, Kaz was coughed once again. Now you could see a sharp gash in his forehead. Still leaking blood. Your fingers traced the wet sand. “I saved it," you muttered, handing him the book he had come for—one that fell alongside him into the water. Kaz rips it out of your grasp, throwing it to the side. His fingers wrap around your wrist. “Are you insane?”, he hisses, pulling you closer. “You could have gotten hurt; they could have very well shot at you." His words hit you like a blow, leaving you speechless as you glanced up at him.

“Your arm." You want to laugh at how insane this is. Had you too hit your heads? Why is he concerned with... “What happened to your hand?” Kaz demands, making you glance down at the torn flesh. He was too heavy for you to lift up the dock. You tried. Unfortunately, that resulted in you slipping, and since you were too afraid to let go of his body, your arm met the sharp edge of the hook that was left carelessly there.

The sound of the shirt being ripped makes you blink. And here he stands. Taring his shirt up before grasping your hand as he wraps it around. “Your head," you mutter, "You," "It’s a scuff," Kaz grunts, his fingers shaking the longer he touches you. You back away slightly, not wanting him to do something he’s uncomfortable with. But Kaz’s wild eyes meet yours, making you still. “Next time," he breathes out, “Next time, you swim away without looking back.”

He drops your arm, turning away from you. Brushing his shaky fingers through his messy hair. “There will be no next time," you mutter, making Kaz turn around so quickly it makes you jolt. “There will be no next time," you continue once again, “because I will be right there, right under, and you will never get to feel what drowning feels like." Your hands wrap into fists as angry tears roll down your face. Kaz shakes his head. “You silly girl," he huffs, stopping closer to you. Not daring to touch you, but enough to feel your body close. Enough to feel whatever that is left of both of your bodies's warmth bouncing off of each other. Kaz takes a deep breath, "I would rather drown over and over again than see you get hurt again.”

#kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker x oc #kaz x you #kaz brekker six of crows #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker x reader #kaz x reader #kaz brekker #the six of crows x reader #the six of crows imagine #the six of crows #the six of crows x you

[roselibrary]

𝐏𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐒𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐬 || 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞

The Darkling x OC Brekker/Rietveld (Grisha Character)

Trigger Warnings: none

Summary: the generals night sky was what they called her. She made his world glow and in doing so he promised her anything she wished.

Requests are open!

Kaz Brekker often wondered if his sister missed him. He wondered if she ever reminisced about her time with them before she went away. Before she became Grisha. His memory is faint, but he remembers well enough the bright grin, kind eyes that shone their brightest in the dark, the long dresses she favoured and the tight corsets that he only now understands were used as a means of attracting attention. His sister had adored that. Adored the attention her gift gave her. She shone like the stars she commanded flying fast and free and blinked out of sight in his mind just as they did each night. His sister was a shooting star one that had long since left his atmosphere with no intention of returning.

Kaz Brekker remembered the day they came. The red keftas and the blue all stood fiercely in front of his sister who held her otherworldly glow. Then he came, tall, dark, and fierce; a black kefta that swirled about him just as his shadows did. He brought forth the darkness and Kaz watched as his sister glowed; he watched as the stars filled the man's shadows and encircled them both like they, too, were constellations in the sky. Kaz knew, as he hid behind barrels with his brother, that their lives would never be the same again. His sister had always wanted more and as he saw the adoration, greed and, what he would soon come to understand as, lust take hold of the one they called the Darkling he knew his sister would fly away. She, too, had the same look reflected in her own gaze; two souls connected as one that fateful day on a long-forgotten farm. The darkness embraced the stars and in doing so intertwined two souls who would never be parted.

Kaz remembers the shock in his eyes when the darkness faded, and the sun reigned supreme once more. He saw those in red turn swiftly in his direction taking hold of himself and his brother. He watched as his sister's eyes glimmered with something akin to regret and grief before it was gone replaced with that dazzling glow and ethereal smile as she knelt before Kaz.

“Sweet brother, I must leave now. You understand, don’t you? I have to go and help those who are like me but do not worry I will visit,” poor sweet Kaz could not tell how brittle his saint-like sister's smile truly was, “Jordie will look after you, won't you?” his sister turned her head to his elder brother whom was stock still withholding tears he knew couldn’t fall; lest his younger brother realise the true magnitude of this goodbye. Unable to speak the eldest of the two boys simply nodded his head once and swallowed the lump in his throat. The sister's smile faltered for a moment and a degree of hesitancy took up on her visage - at least it did until the hand of a general grasped her own and the assuredness returned tenfold. Once more turning her gaze to her younger brother she smiled sweetly and embraced him for a final time.

A gentle kiss to his forehead and a whispered promise gone on the wind was the last Kaz Brekker felt of his sister before she was swept away in a swirl of black. Ushered into a carriage and lost in the gaze of a man whose eyes were as dark as the night sky, never to be seen again.

#pomegranate seeds || the darkling #the darkling x oc #the darkling x reader #the darkling #general kirigan #general kirigan x oc #general kirigan x reader #general kirigan x you #the darkling x you #aleksander morovoza #aleksander morozova x oc #aleksander morozova x reader #aleksander morozova x you #shadow and bone #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone fic #kaz brekker #six of crows #grisha #shadow summoner #six of crows x reader #six of crows x oc #six of crows x you #east ravka #king of ravka #ravka #sun summoner #alina starkov #kaz brekker x oc #kaz brekker x reader

[aleksanderscult]

I loved your analysis! Can you analyse the (barely there, not enough) Darklina scenes from the KOS duology? I could not rationalize some of what was going on there.

First of all, I'm so sorry for taking that long to reply, anon! (Hasn't it been over two weeks since you send this or what??😭😭)

Second, thank you so much for your kind words! 💗💗

Third, you and I both friend 🤝🤝

'Cause honestly I didn't know what the fuck was happening in that interaction too 😭

I'll actually analyze the only Darklina scene we got in RoW. But if you want another one too, just send me an ask!

So! Let's dive in and analyze that hot mess, shall we?

(note: I had to go back and read this scene very carefully in order to understand what the actual fuck they were saying💀)

⚠️TW!: PTSD, trauma⚠️

The way he's so obedient with her even in this life 😭

If somebody else had ordered him to do that, he wouldn't obey. But Alina? Alina is a different story and this is the first time he hears her voice since his death in R&R.

'Any little victory'

Uhh....okay...??

You made him wipe his feet. I'm.... impressed??

(confusion levels 📉)

LMAO MY BOY WOKE UP AND CHOSE VIOLENCE

I always believed that the dynamic between Aleksander and Alina involves lots of teasing. But not in the fun sense. But in the sense of "I'm getting under your skin. My words to you sting".

And that's what the Darkling does here too. He's a prisoner. Their prisoner. So he tries to gain the upper hand by using his wits, his past with Alina and the latter's trauma against her to get even.

Pretty clever, huh?

See what I mean?

He tries to weaken her confidence and it's interesting that back in Keramzin he also tried to get even (and he did) by killing her mother figure.

Aleksander: "Wanna fuck with me? Wanna mess with me? How about that time when I burnt that orphanage and killed your "mother"?"

*Alina's sure confidence is gone and now the Darkling has the upper hand in her feelings*

OUTSTANDING MOVE 👌

Excuse me, Misha? Who the Hell gave you the permission to interrupt or talk at all??

Also, do you really expect from the Darkling to remember a little boy while he was too busy trying to rule a nation, win a war and persuade Alina to join him?

And if you also expect him to remember you from that time when Baghra went out to confront her son while you escorted her, then you're also wrong. 'Cause he was too busy being furious that his mother sided and helped the opposite side and too busy being distraught because he was watching her fall to her death.

You're not important, son.

Sit down.

LMAO THIS IS SO HILARIOUS

Misha you're still an infant. Please shut up.

I honestly liked him in the Grisha Trilogy (I found him a cutie) but now I want to slap him and everyone else in this duology except Aleksander

The Darkling has survived numerous murdering attempts against him. He was finally killed by Alina not because of some grand display of her powers but because the former was so heartbroken by Alina's fate (and his own because he would be alone) that he just gave up on his life. Basically he committed suicide.

Misha, you wouldn't be able to kill him even now that he's powerless and in chains. Probably you would stumble and fall in the effort or smth.

Uhh actually no, Mal.

Threating him only makes you sound like idiots, honestly.

Also, since when did Mal gained ✨wisdom✨?

Wasn't he the hot-tempered one in the trilogy who always got angry with the mere mention of the Darkling? And the one who wanted to kill him as well?

Alina, you know damn well what his name is.

Honestly, I think she didn't say it because she wanted to respect the fact that he trusted her to keep it.

And I agree that Yuri is a horrible name for him. Makes him seem like a fisherman 😭

Meanwhile Alina in S&B:

So either Bardugo kinda forgot these scenes or we're led to believe that these scenes weren't her being happy, but we thought she was happy.

(me casually ignoring that theory because I choose to believe only the things that MAKE SENSE)

The fact that Bardugo made Alina believe that she was unhappy when she was whole with her powers and surrounded by people like her but totally happy now that she has no powers (a part of her soul actually) and living with a man that slut-shamed her in a toxic, childhood place is umm... yeah. Not good.

So basically:

Aleksander: "You look different. You look like shit. What the fuck did they do to you? This is not you"

Alina: "No bro I'm happy now that I live in toxic conditions where the teachers mock me, Mal takes me out for a walk to forget my psychological traumas and I raise some Grisha children that will fade because they don't use their powers and some others that I probably am in no condition to raise. At least that's what the author said is happiness, bro."

Aleksander: "......."

Alina: "......"

The readers: "........."

ALEKSANDER IS HONESTLY ALL OF US FRR WITH HIS LINES

"In peace"

Yeah, having PTSD certainly is peaceful. And knowing that you abandoned your country and left its fate to chance certainly makes you sleep like a baby at night.

"We chose the life we wanted"

Alina, you didn't CHOOSE to lose your powers. And before that you didn't even know what you wanted to do with your life. It was a last minute decision for you.

"I fell pray to the same greed that drove you"

Girl, are we the only ones who did our homework??

In his POV in RoW he confirmed that he tampered with merzost in the past because he wanted to stop Ravka's wars. So as far as we know he never used power exclusively for himself.

"I paid the price for tampering with merzost"

Now hold a second. I thought that the reason Alina lost her powers is because Morozova wanted that said power to be shared by any otkazat'sya around. It wasn't that much of a punishment as much as a need for Morozova to share that power.

Unless it was..... both?

I just want a guy that will believe in me and my abilities the way Aleksander does with Alina, man 😭

He strongly believes that she could become a Queen even without her powers. And he's actually so right when he says to her that her wounds won't heal. Because no matter how much you try to convince yourself that you are alright. No matter how hard you try to persuade your mind that you're not broken, reality will always hit you. Some wounds never heal and Alina's certainly will not. She didn't lose a toy, she lost a part of her soul and witnessed many die. How the hell does she think she's suitable to raise children, when she herself is NOT okay psychologically?

"In the wake of your wars"

Excuse me. Why is the Fjerdan and Shu wars always the Darkling's fault??

"And maybe when our country is free, then that wound will close"

She sounds so brainwashed bye--

And just like I said, wounds like that never close unfortunately. It can only become more bearable with time. But not forgetable.

Ah yes. Bardugo makes us watch how cute their relationship is.

Am I supposed to take off my camera and snap pictures of them whispering with tears in my eyes: "They look so adorable"?

'Cause I won't.

The way Bardugo has made Mal unfazed by the Darkling's comments. A thing that completely contrasts his nature in the Grisha trilogy.

He also made him have "sassy" lines because we've got to like him somehow, right? 🤗

Still hate him

Basically, dear anon, the author has made Mal more "likeable", immune to the Darkling's insults, patient and witty in order for us to change our mind about him and finally like him.

(mission failed btw)

He is literally nothing like his trilogy counterpart and, if possible, she made him more annoying.

(how the hell she managed to do that, I don't know)

I just feel sorry for Aleksander who has to deal with all these jerks. If I were there, I would have helped him kill them and bury their bodies.

Because you let your heart and feelings get the better of you, Aleksander. Because you proved to be the most human of all these characters here. You let her come close. And that's what killed you.

(also, shut up Misha)

Alina, you could have said "no" to that invitation. So stop acting like they dragged you from the hair here.

"Do you think you could manage it?"

Do you, Alina? 'Cause really, what did YOU do to make the lives of Grisha better? At least he built a palace for them.

"It's not like you didn't get a fair try before. Hundreds of tries"

Yeah, and half of them failed because you got in the way. You refused to listen to him and, even if you didn't like the way he dealt with the persecution, you chose to run away (again) instead of deciding to stay and do better.

SHE DID NOT JUST SAY THAT ZOYA AND NIKOLAI COULD DO BETTER LMAO 😭😭

Zoya, the very fact that he mentioned you should feel like a badge of honor.

And yet Ravka is in its worst condition ever.

Sorry Alina but I don't see shit from them.

The fact that the Darkling keeps mentioning that he's eternal is to remind them that he has seen everything and done everything. He has more experience than they will ever have. Not to gloat about it. And yet Alina takes it as the latter.

And it's funny that Alina turns him down for the job saying he has no powers when Alina herself suffers from the same condition 😀

Finally someone with self-reflection.

THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!!

PREACH!! PREACH!! 👏👏

When you have the "villain" exposing the true problem in the story, the flaws and failures while having the heroes screaming "EVERYTHING IS FINE. YOU'RE WRONG!" then you know that something is wrong.

How the Hell are they gonna provide eternal peace in Ravka and to the Grisha when:

They have no experience

They are too busy criticizing the villain instead of looking at their own flaws

They doubt themselves

(you can add to the list, guys)

And he's not shaken because he's talking with a Saint, Zoya. He's shaken because he's talking to Alina. She always had a way in getting under his skin. He said it.

"Fine. Make me your villain" fits here 'cause he never perceived himself as the bad guy but he knew that this is what others thought of him.

I think it still stung to him to know that others saw his every action in a negative light but he still kept going. And sometimes he even used it (at the end of R&R).

Alina still wants to believe that there's something redeemable inside him. Her POVs were always the "kindest" in the way they painted the Darkling.

MISHA COULD YOU PLEASE SHUT IT

What about his mother, huh??

Who, despite the abuse he suffered from her, he still cared about??

Alina?? Oh boy, he was in love with her, obsessed and gave her so many chances. Something that he almost never does unless he's desperate.

So PRETTY PLEASE STOP TALKING

Meanwhile the Darkling in R&R, chapter 11:

"I have regretted many of the things I’ve had to do in this war."

So either Bardugo forgot that or Alina did or Aleksander changed his mind.

Or (my theory) Bardugo changed his perception in order for us to feel less sympathetic towards him.

Nevertheless, at least he has a spine and knows where he stands.

And Alina wanted the Darkling to say it not for him but for her. So she can feel okay. Unless Zoya is talking bullshit.

YES ALEKSANDER WHY DIDN'T YOU LIE SO OUR HEROINES COULD FEEL BETTER ABOUT THEMSELVES???!!

HOW DARE YOU?? 😠😠

He tries so hard to persuade her that the reality she lives in will not pay off anything. First off, this is not who she is or what she was meant to become and second, why does she teaches children stories that are lies? Feeding them false hope, repeating a circle that others had also been doing.

"Do you *really* believe..."

He wants to make sure that she stands by that. He just can't believe that this is her opinion. Her choice.

He just wants her to shine people!! 😭😍

"Those stories tell us the only people who matter are Kings and Queens. They're wrong"

Now tell me, Alina, which stories do YOU tell them? What do you teach them? That the world is as rosy as the orphanage they live in, where they only eat sugar and play the piano? Do you imagine what kind of reality check will those children get once they live in the real world?

And here, ladies and gentlemen, we see the Darkling having reached his limits and saying "Fuck this shit I'm out"

Congratulations, Aleksander! You survived that meeting with these buffoons and their groundless arguments!! 👏👏

Here, have this! 🏅

He saw his chance (Alina holding Mal's hand) and seized it. But I think he really meant all those questions he asked to Alina.

So, dear anon, what we have here is the villain making his effort (again) to be heard and understood. He tries to make them see his own point of view: Ravka is in serious danger and Zoya and Nikolai are in no position to protect it. He, on the other hand, can since he has more experience and balls to deal with these issues. The Darkling is no pussy. He truly makes hard decisions when he must, something that essentially all rulers must do when the situation calls for it.

But! We have the good guys silencing him and threating him (even having a little child to do the last one) in order for the reader to understand what he has left in his wake. How much pain he has caused.

Mal has gotten ✨magically✨ wiser and calmer and has actual wits to repel the Darkling's insults in order for us to get to like Mal and see how much he has changed.

Alina sounds like a brainwashed woman who is convinced that her lifestyle is great! That wanting something more (idk. a throne and changing the world maybe) is sinful and unfitting of her.

Aleksander is the only one who thinks otherwise for her, though. Thank God, I mean!

He sought Alina out both to reclaim his powers and because he just wanted to see her.

Personally, in this scene only the Darkling makes sense. The others either want to feel good about themselves by threating him or want to convince him that "Hey, we're the good ones here. We know what we're doing, okay?" and his own ways are shit.

Dear anon, if you have any other questions or want me to analyze any other Darklina scene from this book or duology that I didn't include, then just say so!

And please any others who want to add something about this scene, feel free to criticise in the comments! 💛💛

#This scene actually infuriates me SO much #We have some “righteous” group of people who just attack the Darkling with any means they have #Poor fellow. At least he tried yk #anon asks #rule of wolves #Darklina meta #Rule of Wolves meta #meta #Nikolai duology #grishaverse #shadow and bone #the darkling #pro darkling #aleksander morozova #pro aleksander morozova #alina starkov #darklina #pro darklina #zoya nazyalensky #anti mal oretsev #anti malina #anti mal #Misha #alarkling #pro alarkling #nikolai lantsov

[kaylasficrecs]

swans dancing by the tides | nikolai lantsov

you were supposed to be royal acquaintances, helping each other learn other nations better, but maybe you ended up just being kids who didn’t care for each other at all, at first...

au where none of the darkling stuff happened. grisha may still exist but are not important to this story. this is kind of a mix between book and show nikolai, so just bear with me. 

note: sorry the request took so long to write, but i’ll be honest, i don’t typically write fics, i recommend them. so here is my first ever published writing on tumblr! i ended up taking some liberties with the storyline, but i was inspired by the request because it reminded me so much of the swan princess. so i hope you enjoy!

tw: talks of violence and death

wc: 4.8k

Age 21

Nikolai Lantsov really should have seen it coming. 

For wasn’t it the classic trope of pulling a girl’s ponytail on the playground to get her to chase you? To get her attention, only on you? Playing small tricks to see you. 

At 21, you seemed to be as beautiful as ever. Not that you were never beautiful, but you had finally found a place in court, settled into your personality. Your kindness and stubbornness oppose each other wonderfully. Being social enough to appease your father, but sipping your drink in different corners for most of the night. You had settled into yourself, and Nikolai hated that he let you get away. 

Age 5

Nikolai was too young to know that he met his future love when he was young. All he remembers from that summer was loving the sea, tasting the salt on his tongue, and wanting to order the crew to just keep sailing, and keep his young dreams true. Little kids don’t remember first glances, side-eyes, and names. Just the moments he spent on the Wandering Isle happily rolling around in a war-free zone with a young girl. Y/h/c hair blowing in the breeze. And your laugh, that is one thing Nikolai can never get out of his mind, memorized it that summer. Oh, how it would be the most annoying sound for years to come. 

Age 11

You had never understood why your father needed to show you the different countries around the True Sea. Sure you loved being out on the ocean (even though the thought of drowning terrified you); you recognized that it brought you closer to your dead mother, and realized that your father felt the same. But you would have been perfectly content still in your little country house during the summer months away from the castle on the Wandering Isle. The coastal home that you yearned for was now sitting in dust, sailing to leave it behind to spend two months in some stuffy castle with people you don’t know, just to keep royal alliances tight. 

You supposed you remembered the young, blond-haired prince from once upon a time. At least you were supposed to remember, but something needed to be more familiar about the royal. Except maybe his eyes, you could briefly remember the coloring clashing against green hills and blue skies. They had shown a golden brown that day. You spoke no words, only polite greetings when getting off the carriage. You didn’t want to be here, you wanted to be back home, or at least out on the sea. You were primarily shy to your hosts, wanting to slink away to the guest room for a little bit before exploring, hoping to find the library you’ve heard so much about, then in turn, a good reading spot, away from any prying eyes. 

As it turned out, the library was right down the hall from your room. So, your wish had come true, sneaking off to the library every night was going to be a piece of cake. Settling down in a chair near a light in there, you eventually heard two voices after a while of reading. 

“You sure we should be doing this?”

“Come on! She’s here for a little while, she should know what she’s getting into just by being here.” 

You peeked around the big wooden door to see two heads of short-cut hair outside a bedroom door. Your bedroom door. It was too dimly lit for you to see what they were doing properly, but you would rather not find out later. 

“Would you mind telling me why I happen to be getting myself into something?” you said at the two boys. 

They froze before turning around. One happened to be your gracious host, Prince Nikolai, the other was unfamiliar. “Well, we just thought that we should be the ones to initiate you into Ravkan customs, seeing as you’ll be here for a while,” the blond said. 

“Ravkan customs? That happens at 1:00 in the morning?”

“Sure.”

“Sure?”

“Yep.” 

“Well, seeing as I’m not even in my room and caught you two, you could just tell me so I’m not surprised when I wake up.”

“Oh no. You’re going to want to experience this one. It’s only for royalty so we must continue,” Nikolai decided to up the ante, he needed to prank her now so he wasn’t forced to hang out with her for two months. He already has to deal with Vasily, he didn’t need another snitch, and this one will shut her right up. 

“Well, I guess that’s okay, could I please get to my bed though? And please don’t make too much noise. This is an adjoining room with my father’s.” 

“Of course! Goodnight, princess.” 

And of course, getting glue all over your face in the morning was just the first prank of many. All summer you tolerated Nikolai and Dominik’s pranks, never being able to quite outsmart them. Those mischievous eyes would haunt you for the year. Until you would see them every summer. 

Age 15

Nikolai had been waiting to be out on the sea. Everything back at the Grand Palace was shit and he needed to get away. Even if that meant sailing to where you were. You had been in Ravka every summer now, for around two months each time. The first two were spent trying to get along with Nikolai and Dominik, yearning for any kind of friendship. Then, for the last two years, you had gone on ignoring them. Rather, you spent time walking around gardens, trying to help out the less privileged in Os Alta, and reading. Most of the time when Nikolai saw you last year, your head was stuck in a book. He was not looking forward to just being ignored by you, in a foreign place no less. 

When he got to the Wandering Isle, he did not expect to be greeted by you. Undoubtedly the king at the very least, but no, it was just you. 

“y/n?” Nikolai said. “What? No royal greeting and red carpet to greet me?” 

“Let’s just get this over with,” y/n stated, walking briskly toward the carriage. Nikolai frowned, did you really not care for him in the slightest? 

You pointed out different landmarks and special shops from the window, giving waves to those who caught that their princess was in the vehicle. Once you got to the palace, you left some maids to show him to his rooms. And that was the most he heard from you for a lot of the trip. Of course, you made polite conversation at breakfast and dinner when he saw you and your father, but that was all. He would take trips to the coast alone, exploring the island. Though he knew you weren’t necessarily a friend, he was hoping to at least spend time with you. Not just going out to the ocean alone, or chatting to the king about royal policies and whatnot. 

Eventually, he found your secret hiding place on a beach close to the castle with only two weeks left in his trip. You were so immersed in reading, that you didn’t notice him walking up. Nikolai took some time to observe you a little. He hadn’t taken note of how much you had grown, seeming to look less like the little girl that he would prank, and more like… 

Well more like something.

“What the hell are you doing here?” y/n had finally noticed the crown prince standing. 

“Didn’t know princesses were capable of that language.”

Y/n signed, “Look. I’ve left you to your own devices all summer, could you please leave me alone to mine? I’ve stayed out of your way so I wouldn’t bother you, and you wouldn’t bother m-”

“Wait. You think you bother me?”

“Isn’t that why you and Dominik used to prank me all the time?”

“Well… a bit, but no! Of course not! You were just an easy target and I was more immature back then.”

“Wow, Nikolai.” He took note of the way she said his name, for the first time ever if he recalled correctly. “An easy target. Okay, well then. Let’s just call this a bit of a truce and you can leave me here to read to make up for it.” Y/n turned back to her book, seemingly done with him. 

“Don’t you want to get to know each other better? Can’t you see where this is leading?” Nikolai was a little exasperated at this point. He had never really liked her, but something was going to happen between them, forced together or not, he would like to know something about the y/h/c girl. Besides, his name sounded nice rolling off her tongue…

“I try not to overthink about that.” She was speechless for a time, trying to come up with an excuse to continue to ignore one another. She finally said, “There are plenty of royal couples you don’t speak to each other while together. I’m sure you and I could manage that.”

Nikolai rolled his eyes, he suddenly remembered why he disliked her so much, those eyes transfixed on him. He bowed to her, “If that is what you wish, your highness,” and strolled off back to the palace to find something to slash with a blade. 

But he came back the next day, to find her sitting in the same spot, reading a different book this time. 

“Wh-”

“Ah, ah, ah. I am here to read by the beach and enjoy the sound of the waves crashing against the shore.” Y/n looked at him aghast. She tried to protest him again, but he just shushed her. Actually shushed her! Y/n didn’t want to deal with the pain an argument would cause, so she just read. 

This carried on for a few days, Nikolai coming and sitting with y/n to read in the afternoon until they would both have to attend dinner with the king. On day five of their reading escapades, y/n asked what he was reading, having never seen that book before. 

“Well, it’s a tale of danger and romance and handsome men like me.”

Y/n couldn’t help but let out a little giggle before asking, “Where did you even find that?” 

“I asked the bookkeeper down in town about the books you liked.” 

She looked at him a bit funny, wondering how he would ever think to go about that; reading a book just for attention must be the poly at foot. But it worked because she suddenly recognized the title and knew it had been one of her favorites. 

They talked through dinner that night about the novel, giving her over-protective father a bit of a fright, but easing his worry when he noticed his daughter had come back with Prince Nikolai. This kept going for the remainder of Nikolai’s stay, reading and talking, eventually more than just books were talked about. He now knows your favorite foods, novels, places, and more. 

Like how he arrived, you were the only one to escort him back to his ship. This time, you took your time walking through the village. Just chatting occasionally, but you both mostly just enjoyed the comfortable silence, trying to soak up each other's presence. 

“You know I still hate you right?” Y/n finally spoke as they reached the docks. 

“Of course princess, I wouldn’t expect anything else,” Nikolai said with a sly smile. 

“But you promise to write though?” Looking back, that’s when Nikolai knew he was done for. Y/n looked at him with her beautiful eyes, reflecting a bit of the sea in the orbs. “About books that you’ve read that you recommend for me okay.” 

More sincerely, less with that teasing voice of his, “Yes. Of course princess.” 

Age 17

Y/n was too stubborn to say that she was excited to see Nikolai again. Because she didn’t even really like him. Right? 

You had kept writing letters back and forth for the better part of more than a year. You hadn’t gotten any back recently, so you were excited to see him. Maybe? 

To be fair, mostly you were going to make sure he was okay after doing his military service. You knew he had lost Dominik during that time, and you just wanted to hug him. Strangely enough? A hug? You must be losing your mind, but you couldn’t help your breathing from stuttering when you saw the cost of Ravka. 

You were supposed to wait for a ride from the Prince himself in Os Kervo, but he didn’t show. You had been waiting in a cafe for hours, not far from the docks when it finally reached nightfall. You and your guards had to book lodgings for the night, you would worry about Nikolai tomorrow. 

Well, he ended up never coming and word from the Grand Palace just said that he was out, seemingly not knowing where their own son was. As you turned back to go home, you sent out wishes of good health and safety to wherever Nikolai was. 

Age 18

Nikolai had found peace at sea. Finally finding himself in waves of blue and green, chasing adventure. 

He found where he belonged. A bastard prince at sea, not in a land where he felt unwelcome. 

When his face was changed by Tolya the first time, he let himself forget the ‘prince life’ for a little while. Helping fight the dangerous and untamed pirates on a ship of his own. He loved the feeling of salt on his tongue and a swaying ship beneath his boots. Never once trying to think about how the ocean would reflect in your eyes. 

Age 21

You could finally see why your father sailed with you when you were young. Though it helped to meet other dignitaries and make sure people still knew that the Wandering Isle was still a power in this world surrounding the sea. And of course, he told everyone his daughter wanted to see the world, setting out into the blue for the sake of you. 

Now, you could see that he just wanted to get away. Yes, spend time with you. But there was something about being on a boat, away from the responsibility and regulations of being a ruler of a country.

Especially when you were doing it all alone. 

You took the longest breath you’ve been allowed since your father died. Let yourself take a moment just for you, opening your mind. The wind and fresh air brought a smile to your face. Though, you were sailing towards a place you were dreading. 

You were back in the Grand Place for the first time in years, though it felt lifetimes away from you. Queen Y/n was invited this time as an official guest, part of an assembly at the palace for who knows what. 

You didn’t like thinking about Ravka. You had sent a few letters to Nikolai after you had gone back to the Wandering Isle at the age of 18, but when he didn’t reply to the last three, you never bothered sending a fourth. You had kept busy though, both on purpose and not. Your father’s death had been a bit of a shock last year and you were thrust into the role of leading a nation.

But you tried your hardest to handle it with grace. Most things had gone well, you had kept your country steady while making hard decisions and balancing all the misogyny with being a queen ruling alone. The only side-effect had been a few panic attacks here and there, but otherwise, you were okay. Doing really well in fact, at least that's what you told everyone at the gathering.

Your gown was modest and blue with some cream-colored accents; not trying to attract any unwanted attention but still trying to represent your country. You mostly kept to yourself throughout the festivities with a drink in your hand. You quickly assessed that this was mostly a social event, a secret meeting between royals and diplomats, you still weren’t quite sure why you had even been invited. 

That was until you caught a pair of hazel eyes that haunt you when you think about the seaside reading spot, grassy hills, and curving letters. 

Nikolai stared at you for what felt like minutes, though it was a quick few seconds till you dashed out of the room. The Prince tried to follow but was swept up by others. 

You couldn’t quite believe that he was back. Alive and well from the looks of it. And of course, at that moment you remembered what day it was, his 22nd birthday. 

In all of the chaos of leading a country, you forgot that it had been fast approaching. When you received the invite for the party, you listened to one of your advisors when they said that it would be good for you to make connections. So you left. Mainly you just needed to be out on the ocean once again, feeling your mother’s voice whisper to you in the winds off the waves. 

Now, as you stood outside the Grand Palace, you were begging your body not to break down. It was all too much between the travel, social interaction, and seeing Nikolai for the first time in six years. With the ringing in your ears and your breathing not being able to go back to a regular pace, you never heard his boots coming up right behind you. 

“Y/n?” Nikolai called as he saw you standing in the middle of the courtyard. “Look, I’m sorry I wa- are you alright?”

You could briefly hear someone in the background, and as you prayed that it wasn’t him, you started to hyperventilate even faster. 

Nikolai rushed over to you the minute he heard your breathing pick up again. This time standing in front of you he asked, “Y/n, darling, are you okay?” 

Your vision was starting to go spotty, and you could briefly hear the person in front of you ask if you were okay, so you shook your head. 

“Okay, okay. It’s alright sweetheart. It’s gonna be okay,” Nikolai wrapped his arms around your shaking frame. 

When he hugged you, you initially started to cry harder, you couldn’t deal with him. But the longer he just held you outside in the cool air of Os Alta at night, the more you felt a sense of peace. You must have stayed in his hold for 20 minutes while he was rocking you back and forth and whispering phrases of comfort, “Listen to my heartbeat, you’re okay. You’re just outside the palace with me. Everything is alright.”

When everything had finally calmed down, only did he let you off his chest, still keeping his arms partly wrapped around you, “Darling, are you doing alright?” 

You didn’t know when he had started to refer to you as darling (you might have recalled it from a few of his letters), but that made you catch up with reality as you took a breath, “Alright? That’s all you have to ask me right now!” You pushed away from him, “I don’t see you for six years and that’s how you speak to me! I’m not your darling right now Nikolai!”

“Alright, alright.”

“If you say alright one more time…”

“Okay. Look. I’m sorry, a lot of shit has happen-”

“You’ve had a lot of shit happen. God Nik, I forgot how self-centered you can be. You make me want to slap you.”

“Then go ahead! I know I deserve it Y/n. I know. I do. But I just needed to invite you here. See if you would show.”

“Why? Why did you call for me now? You haven’t bothered in the past few years.”

“Because I miss you, okay! I miss you. I miss your writing and our talks about literature. I miss seeing your face and hearing your laughter. I miss your stubborn ass. Your beautiful and shy mind… but mostly I just needed to see your eyes. The eyes that hold the night sky for me. The eyes that I see when I look out onto the ocean. The ones I wished I hadn’t let get so far away.” He reached for you, cupping your face in his hands, rubbing his thumbs along your cheeks to wipe away tears, even if it was the only time he ever got to do so. Then he spoke words that you were afraid of hearing, “Stay. Please, let me make it up to you. Please just stay.”

You finally looked into his captivating, mischievous hazel eyes, yearning to give the answer he craved, the answer you wanted to say at the tip of your tongue.

But sadly, something else fell off your lips, “I can’t Nik,” you sobbed and his face fell, eyes losing hope. “I have a kingdom to rule now. I can’t just stay in Ravka and leave everyone behind. I was supposed to be making alliances tonight, I thought this was just a networking thing. I forgot it was your birthday,” he smiled a bit at that, he supposed it was warranted. “God I wish I could,” your lips trembled as you said the last part, “but I have to leave you here. I need to go home.” 

Nikolai took a stuttering breath, knowing he couldn’t change your mind, his stubborn girl. “Well then, is it too much to ask for just tonight then?”

You smiled a little, “And ditch your own party, Nikolai? I could never ask that.”

“I’m not asking, I’m offering” 

The smile that he spent so long dreaming of finally broke across your face, “Okay then, my prince, what shall we do for the night?”

“I can think of a few things.” You gave an eye roll at that. 

Nikolai and Y/n had spent the whole night raiding the kitchen and building a fort in his bedroom, talking the night away, sharing grief and sorrows as well as joyous moments. She ended up falling asleep on his shoulder at some point, and him not long after. 

Awaking in the morning was torture, meaning their night had come to a close. They could no longer just be friends under a blanket fort, instead a queen going back to her nation and a prince returning to duty for the first time in years. They didn’t talk much that morning, as he saw her off to her ship. Y/n couldn’t bear to hug him, for she might never let go. So Nikolai did the most charming thing he could muster without breaking down. “Till we meet again, princess,” lifting and kissing the back of her hand as he bowed a little. The gesture made her giggle and tears to well up yet again. 

He would keep that sound locked away for as long as he could. 

“I’m a queen now Nik, come on.” 

“I know. But I thought if I annoyed you a little before you left, you wouldn’t miss me as much,” mustering his best smile at the moment for her. 

He almost didn’t hear the next word y/n mumbled, but he would be forever grateful that he could, “Impossible.”

“Goodbye Nikolai.”

“Goodbye, my darling.” 

Age 23

Nikolai had kept busy with royal duties this time, instead of sailing away his grief and trauma. He knew the ocean made him think of her and he couldn’t have that, not when he was trying to prepare to rule a country.

His father had taken ill and wasn’t looking any better in weeks since it started. And Vasily was… well Vasily, in no shape to rule Ravka. 

So Nikolai was trying his best. Key word trying. 

The days were getting so long until a butler walked into his study one day, “Can you not see I’m busy with stuff right now.”

“Yes. I know sir. But you had informed me to alert you in any news or business related to the kingdom of the Wandering Isle.”

“Yes?” Nikolai suddenly sounded more hopeful.

“Well, one of the maids was cleaning and found this stash of unopened letters from what would be the future Queen Y/n Y/l/n. I thought this might be of interest.”

“Leave.”

“I beg your pardon, your highness?”

“Leave the letters and get out. Please,” He knew he was being rude, but he couldn’t possibly care at the moment. 

“Sorry,” he mumbled as the servant walked out. Nikolai had stood from his desk, looking at the bundle of letters. He heard the door shut as he looked upon the familiar hand script scrawled across the front, reading his name. There were at least eight letters that you had sent to the palace while he was off being Sturmhond. He sat in a chair by the fireplace to settle down as read words from the person he missed the most, whose eyes he yearned to see.

Y/n was so present in the letters, your tone and stubbornness coming out in each line. But they got a little sadder as he read through them; you were wondering why he hadn’t replied in a while. Concern spread out in your words, just hoping that he was okay. His emotions were thin as he picked up the last letter, scared of how it would make him feel. But he had to push through, he needed to feel a bit guilty about how he left you alone. 

Nikolai,

I think this is going to be my last letter. You haven’t written back in almost a year. 

I wrote a letter to your parents, again, recently. They don’t know where you are either, and I know they're worried. So, if this ever reaches you Nik, please let them know you’re okay. And selfishly, I need to know that you're doing alright too. Just a simple note or a sign, I just need to know that you are okay.

Please.

I just. I need you right now Nik. I need your words. It’s just so much right now. I know I haven’t mentioned this in my past letters because I didn’t want to worry you, but my dad passed away. I haven’t really had time to process it and now I have to run a country all by myself. I could just really use some classic words of wisdom from you, some comfort if you could spare that. 

But mostly I just need you. Your eyes and golden hair. Your stupid jokes and even more stupid pranks (they truly are the worst love). I need your hugs and your musky scent around me. When I’m too overwhelmed, I try to think of your eyes. The hazel color brings a lot of comfort, they make me think of summers with my father and you. 

I reread your letters a lot, I don’t know if you read mine at all. We’ve sent each other over 50 letters each over the years, did you know that? I read one every night to keep good dreams in my mind before I drift off. Do you do the same? I guess I might never know. 

As I said before, this is my last letter, I have other things to focus on and I can’t think about you too much right now. I just can’t. I hope you understand. And I hope you’re okay. 

I miss you. I could use your charm and humor right now. But you’re probably off doing important, yet adventurous things. The ones you always read about. 

I wish for you to one day find what you’re searching for Nik. 

Love, Y/n

God, he couldn’t keep the tears in no matter how much he tried. He truly did not deserve her. 

But if there was one thing that this letter confirmed is that they’ll always need each other, that she loves him the same as he loves her.

And he was for sure not going to let her go again, as he got ready in boots and an all too familiar privateer coat. 

©kaylasficrecs 2023

thx for reading <3

#nikolai lantsov x reader #grishaverse #shadow and bone #one shot #flangst #fanfic #my writing #writing #request #reader insert #fem!reader

[thevashta-narada]

okay I can finally think vaguely coherent thoughts about it now that my brain has started working properly again (this is still very jumbled but I just wanted to get all my thoughts about it down) but the deleted wesper scene is so fucking important to me. the domestic wesper that we deserved and the way that it reflects what happens at the end of crooked kingdomis just amazing.

wylan feeling comfortable enough to tell jesper that he never felt like Ketterdam was really his home but now he was beginning to. albeit not directly but he implies it. and then also the confidence that he had talking about his demolitions expertise now shows how much he grew and how jesper makes him feel loved and amazing.

and jesper hearing wylan say this and immediately wanting to let wylan know that he is loved here and that he wants him to feel at home (cos my boy is so in love) and deciding to turn a coin into a key for the room (I saw someone write a post about how it was a coin - his ability to gamble - that he chose to use which was amazing but I can't remember who it was sorry) and then is very nervous about it and stands up when wylan guesses wrong and is a little awkward trying to ask wylan to move in.

and then when wylan realises what jesper means when he says the key is for this room and his eyes go wide and he seems so shocked that jesper would actually want that for a brief moment and then he says it's the nicest thing and jesper sort of warily asks if it's a yes and wylan gets up and moves towards jesper in the same way he rushed to jesper in their first kiss to reassure him but stops and let's jesper come towards him.

and jesper is suddenly very wary and says that sounds very official but he is just sort of rambling because he is concerned about what that means for the two of them and wants wylan to feel loved so desperately but doesn't really have the experience to know exactly what to do in this kind of relationship because he is not used to them and doesn't want to rush or mess up

but wylan wants to reassure jesper that he is happy and saying yes so he just cuts jesper off by kissing him and they both immediately just melt into the kiss because they are exactly what the other needs.

wylan is the exitment and the peace that jesper needs he is jespers balance and gives him the confidence to use his grisha powers and reassures jesper

and jesper is the unconditional love that wylan needs and he shows wylan kindness and love through every action and tries his best to show that he is wanted and loved

and them being so domestic is just so beautiful and everything I needed in my life and this deleted scene was just so so so perfect I could literally think about it forever.

#jesper fahey #shadow and bone #wylan van eck #six of crows #wesper #wesper deleted scene #shadow and bone s2 #this is kinda jumbled and doesnt make 100%sense but i just needed to write my thoughts downnn

[riality-check]

By the time Eddie’s ninth birthday rolls around, his parents have been dead for two months.

He gets a little sad when he remembers that fact. He remembers them, he’s old enough to, but he doesn’t really remember what they were like. He remembers that he has hair and eyes like his mother and a face like his father, but he doesn't know their favorite foods or the lullabies they liked to sing to him when they were home.

They were gone most of the time, deployed by the First Army again and again, until one day, they didn’t come back. Since then, Eddie has been with Uncle Wayne - he's Grisha, so he and his dad didn't talk much before - at the Little Palace.

It’s nice, even if it was weird at first. Eddie went from living off rations to having quality meals for every meal. He went from owning two shirts to owning ten. He went from running around outside to, well, running around outside, only this time, it’s on manicured lawns and safely maintained woods instead of on dusty dirt roads and barren wheat fields.

Outside is all he really has, aside from the little house he and Uncle Wayne have on the grounds. Eddie isn’t Grisha, so he isn’t allowed inside the Little Palace.

He’s okay with that. There’s a whole bunch of stuff to do outside, between the forest and the fields and the lake, while he waits every day for Uncle Wayne to come back from teaching classes about fire. 

Sometimes, there are other people outside, too, but Eddie doesn’t talk to them. He doesn’t think he is allowed to, even though Uncle Wayne never gave him that rule. The other kids his age seem pretentious, anyway, with their bright, expensive clothing and chins held high.

Eddie might be living a lot better now, but he still doesn’t like rich kids very much.

His train of thought is interrupted when he falls out of the tree he’s perched in.

Luckily, he doesn’t fall very far. He was eight feet up, at the highest, and now he’s on the ground, having landed and rolled the way his dad taught him to the last time he was home.

That thought makes Eddie sad again, so he makes his brain swerve away from it.

Eddie stands up and brushes the grass off his pants, but instead of being alone, like he was, before there’s another boy standing in front of him.

He’s pretty. That’s the only word Eddie has for him. This boy is pretty, from his wavy brown hair to his smooth skin to his perfect, straight smile.

The adult teeth Eddie has growing in are already noticeably crooked, and he only has three of them.

“Hi?” he says, and it sounds like a question because he doesn’t know who this boy is. That and because he’s wearing white, and the only Grisha Eddie has ever seen wear either red, blue, or purple.

Either this boy is special, or he’s not Grisha. Eddie kind of hopes it’s the second one. It would be nice to not be the only one, even if this boy is wearing clothes that are worth more than Eddie.

The boy doesn’t say hi back. He instead points at Eddie’s forehead, where a cut and a bruise from yesterday’s failed attempt to swing from one tree to another are still healing.

“I can fix that,” he says.

Eddie doesn’t care one way or the other what his face looks like, but this boy looks like he does. He looks completely uncomfortable with being outside, and it doesn’t look like he belongs here, either. Not with his pristine white robe and his perfect, pretty face.

The longer he looks at Eddie, the worse his face scrunches up.

“Okay,” Eddie says. And then, because he’s polite, “I’m Eddie.”

“Steve,” the kid says. “It’s very nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you, too. Are you going to fix my face?”

Steve huffs out a surprised little laugh and takes a step closer. “I can if you hold still.”

“I’m bad at that,” Eddie admits.

Steve giggles. “You’re funny.”

“You haven’t fixed it yet.”

Steve rolls his eyes, but he brushes his hand over Eddie’s forehead, and Eddie feels a sort of warmth, like the itch of a scab, before it’s gone just as soon as it came up.

“There you go,” Steve says. “It’s fixed.”

Eddie reaches up toward his forehead. The skin is smooth, but when he presses down, it aches.

Something must show up on his face because Steve says, “It’ll still hurt.”

“I thought you said you fixed it.”

“I did. It’s gone. But it’ll still hurt, at least until it heals on the inside.”

“How do you know that?” Eddie says.

Steve shrugs. It’s the first careless gesture Eddie has seen him make.

“I just do,” he says.

Eddie frowns at that, but before he can say anything, Steve turns around and starts walking away.

“Will I see you tomorrow?” Eddie calls.

Steve stops and looks over his shoulder. “Maybe.”

In Eddie’s world, maybe means make it happen. He’s determined to.

He watches Steve walk back toward the Grand Palace, not the Little Palace, and wonders who on earth he is until he hears Uncle Wayne calling him in for supper.

there's more here.

#ria writes #i haven't even watched s2 of shadow and bone yet #so no spoilers #i've just read all the books #enjoy some grishaverse thoughts #there'll be more to come #steddie #steddie ficlet #stranger things #stranger things ficlet #st #st ficlet #steve harrington #eddie munson #grishaverse au

[ell0ra-br3kk3r-writes]

The Phoenix and the Crow

part twenty

pairing: kaz brekker x fem!reader

genre: neutral with a bit on canonical violence

el's thoughts: nothing much (this was soooo fun to write)! hope you enjoy!

series masterlist

Over the next day, Y/N saw Kaz begin to move the pieces of his scheme into position. She’d been privy to his consultations with every member of his crew, but she’d learned that she was seeing only fragments of his plan. That, apparently, was the game Kaz played. 

If he had doubts about what they were attempting, it didn’t show, and Y/N wished she shared his certainty. The Ice Court had been built to withstand an onslaught of armies, assassins, Grisha, and spies. When she’d said as much to Kaz, he simply replied, “But it hasn’t been built to keep us out.”

His confidence unnerved her. “What makes you think we can do this? There will be other teams out there, trained soldiers and spies, people with years of experience.”

“This isn’t a job for trained soldiers and spies. You know that. It’s a job for thugs and thieves. Van Eck knows it, and that’s why he brought us in.”

“He brought you in. Nikolai sent me for this mission. You had a lead before Van Eck told you anything about it. Plus, you can’t spend his money if you’re dead.”

“I’ll acquire expensive habits in the afterlife.”

“This isn’t a joke, Kaz, for Saints’ sake. There’s a difference between confidence and arrogance.”

He’d turned his back on her then, giving each of his gloves a sharp tug. “And when I want a sermon on that, I know who to come to. If you want out, just say so.”

Her spine had straightened, her own pride rising to her defense. “Matthias isn’t the only irreplaceable member of this crew, Kaz. You need me.”

“I need your skills, Y/N. That’s not the same thing. You may be the best Grisha soldier in Ravka, but you’re not the only one. You’d do well to remember it if you want to keep your share of the haul.”

“You’d do well to remember just who you’re talking to, Kaz Brekker. Sure I’m the best Grisha soldier in Ravka, but I’m the only Phoenix. I’m your only solid connection to Ravka. I’m the only one Nikolai truly trusts.” She stepped closer to him, anger seeping out of her, Kaz felt waves of heat radiate off of her. “And you have no right to tell me I’m replaceable.”

She turned on her heel and walked out the door, slamming it behind her. 

Now, as she headed towards the harbor, she wondered what truly kept her here.

“Stay.”

She froze at the feeling of the leather on her skin, the air leaving her lungs in a gasp. 

“Stay in Ketterdam.” 

The moment in the chapel replayed in her head and her heart clenched. She came back to Ketterdam for work, as an order, but a part of her came back for him. And this is what she gets for following her heart just a little bit. Maybe Kirigan was right after all. People like her had no room for love in their lives.

She could leave Kerch anytime she wanted. She could go back home to Ravka. Back to Alina and Nikolai. Back to Zoya, her sweet suli friend, or Genya. People who showed her the respect she deserved. The respect she had earned. But she remembered that she had done nothing among the Dregs to earn that kind of respect. Among the crows, sure, but Kaz ran the whole gang now. 

Kaz Brekker was a gang leader with a mission, not a man who sat at home waiting for her. He wasn’t waiting for anyone, and she needed to remember that. She couldn’t be his reason if he didn’t need one.  She had once seen the human side that the rumors always left out. The side that would do anything to protect his friends, his found family. He would’ve protected them from whatever he thought to be threatening. But now he was blinded and power-hungry, and all she could do is sit back and take orders. Like a soldier. Like she was trained to do. It’s part of her job. 

~

 A light mist was rising off the water, and through it, Y/N saw Kaz and the others waiting near the pier. They all wore the nondescript clothes Kaz had foregone his immaculately cut suit in favor of a bulky wool coat. The thick sheaf of his dark hair was combed back, the sides trimmed short as always. He looked like a dockworker, or a boy setting sail on his first adventure. It was almost as if she were peering through a lens at some other, more pleasant reality.

Behind them, she saw the little schooner Kaz had commandeered, Ferolind written in bold script on its side. It would fly the purple Kerch fishes and the colorful flag of the Haanraadt Bay Company. To anyone in Fjerda or on the True Sea, they would simply look like a Kerch trappers heading north for skins furs. If she hadn’t been running late, they probably would have been abroad or even on their way out of the habor already.

She looked farther down the dock. In the dim glow of the harbor gaslights, she saw Dirix, one of the Dregs who’d been meant to make the journey with them. There was a knife in his abdomen, and his eyes were glassy.

“Kaz!” she shouted.

But it was too late. The schooner exploded, knocking Y/N off her feet and showering the docks in flame. 

Before Y/N had ever set foot on the battlefield, she was taught how to take a hit. Squallers and Tidemakers shoving her back into a large stack of hay, over and over and over again till she was able to get back on her feet without losing balance. Even as the blast from the habor lifted her off her feet, she was tucking into a roll. She hit hard, but she was up in seconds, pressed against the side of a crate, her ears ringing and her nose singed by the sharp scent of gunpowder. 

Y/N spared Kaz and the others a single glance, then she did as she was taught - she regrouped. She launched herself up the cargo crates, climbing them like a rock wall, her thick boots making it difficult but she managed.

The view from above was disturbing. The Dregs were outnumbered, and there were men working their way around their left and right flanks. Kaz has been right to keep their real point of departure a secret from the others. Someone had talked. Kaz had said it himself: Everything in Ketterdam leaked, including the Slat and the Crow Club.

Someone was firing down from the masts of the new Ferolind. Hopefully, that meant Jesper had made it to the schooner, and she just had to buy the others enough time to make it there as well.

~

The next corner was blind. Y/N had never wished more in her life to be a squaller. She was too far from the fire to control it and she was currently surrounded by the suffocating smoke. She had to get through four men to stand in a corner with no advantages, ‘fun’. 

She took a deep breath , sank low, and slipped around the corner. Tonight her Saints were kind- two men were firing on the docks with their backs to her. She slipped the knife Kaz had given her from her sheath. She lunged forward and quickly thrusted the blade between  one man’s ribs. The other turned and aimed his gun at her but she was quicker, better trained. She flicked her fingers and let a flame dance up his gun, the metal heating up enough to burn his hands making him drop it instantly. She then threw her knife at him, imbeding it in his abdomen. 

Six bodies, another six lives taken. 

She wiped her knife on her sleeve and returned it to the sheath at her waist, then backed up and took a running start at the nearest cargo container. As her fingers gripped the rim, she felt a piercing pain beneath her arm. She turned in time to see Oomen’s ugly face split in a determined grimace. All the intelligence Kaz had told her on the Black Tips came back to her in a sickening rush- Oomen, Geels’ shambling enforcer, the one who could crush skulls with his bare hands. 

He yanked her down and grabbed the front of her vest, giving the knife in her side a sharp twist. Y/N fought not to black out. 

As her hair fell out of her face, he exclaimed, “Ghenzen! I’ve got Brekker’s soldier.”

“You should have aimed… higher,” Y/N gasped. “Missed my heart.”

“Don’t want you dead, Ravkan,” he said. “You’re quite the prize. Can’t wait to hear all the gossip you’ve gathered for your king and Dirtyhands, and all his secrets, too. I love a good story.”

“I can tell you how this one ends,” she said on an unsteady breath. “But you’re not going to like it.” 

“That so?” He slammed her up against the crate, and pain crashed through her. Her toes only brushed the ground as blood spurted from the wound at her side. Oomen’s forearm was braced against her shoulders while the other hand held one of her hands up at the side of her head, keeping her arms pinned.

“Do you know the secret to fighting a phoenix?”

He laughed. “Talking nonsense, Ravkan? Don’t die too quickly. Need to get you patched up.”

She breathed deeply through her nose and crossed her ankles together, locking them in place. 

“The secret,” she panted, “is to never take your eyes off the phoenix’s claws.” She swung her head forward and crashed her forehead into his nose before quickly swinging her leg up and between his own legs. 

He shrieked and released her, hands going to his bleeding nose.

She staggered back down the row of crates. She could hear men shouting to each other, the pop of gunfire coming in smatters and bursts now. Who was winning? Had the others made it to the schooner? A wave of dizziness rolled over her. 

When she touched her fingers to the wound at her side, they came away wet. Too much blood. Footsteps. Someone was coming. She couldn’t run, not with this wound, not with the amount of blood she’d lost. 

The cargo containers were stacked like a pyramid here. If she could make it up to just one, she could hide herself on the first level. Just one. She could make herself climb or stand there and die.

She willed her mind to clarity and hopped up, fingertips latching on to the top of the crate. She dragged herself over the edge onto the tin roof of the container.

It felt so good to lie there, but she kenw she’d left a trail of blood behidn her. ‘One more’, she told herself. ‘One more and you’ll be safe.’ She forced herslef up to her knees and rached for the next crate.

The surface beneath her began to rock. She heard laughter from below. 

“Come out, come out, Phoenix!”

Desperately, she reached for the lip of the next crate again and gripped it, fighting through an onslaught of pain as the container  underher dropped away. Then she was just hanging, legs dangling helplessly down. They didn’t open fire; they wanted her alive.

“Come on down, Phoenix!” 

She didn’t know where the strength had come from but she managed to reach her other arm up and pull herself over the top. She lay on the crate’s roof, panting. 

‘Just one more.’ But she couldn’t. Couldn’t push to her knees, couldn’t reach, couldn’t even roll. It hurt too much. ‘Move,’ she told herself. ‘This is a stupid place to die.’ And yet a voice in her head told there were worse places. She would die here, in servitude to her country, beneath the beginnings of dawn. She’d die after a worthy fight, not because some man had tried to take more from her than she could give. Better to die trying to get everyone on the ship and out of the docks. 

A hand seized her ankle. They climbed the crates. Why hadn’t she heard them? Was she that far gone? They had her. Someone was turning her onto her back. 

She slid the knife from the sheath at her waist. In the Barrel, she’d learned a blade this sharp was known as kind steel. It meant a quick death. Better that than the tourture at the mercy of the other gangs that roamed these wretched streets. 

“May the Saints receive me,” her words came out in a shallow breath. She pressed the tip beneath her breast, between her ribs, an arrow to her heart. Then a hand gripped her wrist painfully, forcing her to drop the blade.

“Not just yet, Y/N.” The rasp of stone on stone. Her eyes flew open. Kaz.

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker x y/n #six of crows #six of crows x reader #six of crows imagines #ellora.writes

[wh0refornikolailantsov]

Prompt: “You’ve been strong your whole life, it's okay to feel weak for a moment.”

Song: Carry You - Ruelle

For Tolya x Reader pls!!

Almosts - Tolya Yul Bataar

Trigger Warning on this one folks, I wanted something that felt closer to book content, so I leaned into the Kanej scenes that lead to Kaz plucking out a dudes eyeball, so given that context, strap yourselves in okay?

Grisha Reader, Order Unspecified.

Trigger Warning On This One Pals.

Content Warnings: Kidnapping. Torture. Ideas Of Self Sacrifice. Plans/Thoughts/Ideation's Of Suicide In Context Of Mercy In The Face Of Captivity, Exploration Of The "Better To Fall On Your Own Blade, Than Be Held Prisoner," Mentality. Not Beta/Proof Read.

Part 2

Wherever you are is dark, but it's not cold, if anything it is a little too warm and at times you wonder if they're trying to sweat you out, slowly bring up the heat until you're delirious. There would definitely be more efficient ways to get to you, but you don't know who is holding you, or the extend of their motivations, so their tactics are beyond your comprehension.

You have no doubt what they are after, information you will not willingly give them. You had been trained for these kind of situations, but they were behind you, your days of playing spy for a country that barely noticed if you lived or died were over. You were working for your heart now, and your heart alone, it just so happens that your heart is so closely attached to the Ravkan royalty. A fact which is likely the culprit in your containment.

They think they know something, things they could use, and you might, you probably do, being as close as you are to the Kings Guard. Being as close as you are to Tolya, you know a lot more than you would want anyone to be aware of you knowing.

The visit you get is shortly after you hear the ringing of bells, you think you count three, but in the space you are in you have no way of telling if it day or night. You cannot see the face of the man asking you questions but his accent is easy to place, clearly Fjerdan. You don't like that knowledge, it makes you aware of a pit in your stomach that your heart threatens to fall into.

You are asked questions and you reply in long silent stares, the threats pass you by, and you do not react to them. It never really matters how long ago you stopped being a solider, Baghra had once told you, because the training sticks with you. You doubted her, hoping that having severed yourself from your duties and with enough time passing you could become something more, something outside of the spy you were trained to be, the deceiver and the devoted. But you were grateful for the truth of her words now. All the old teachings bubbling up like they were fresh lessons you'd taken only yesterday, allowing you to not as much as flinch in the presence of your captor. Though you know the threats are not empty, not hollow persuasions and there was no pleasant time to be spent in this prison of their making. They wanted answers, and if you did not give them the answers they wanted, they would extract them from you by whatever means they deemed necessary. You weren't considered human to them after all. You being grisha made you nothing more than an abomination to them. The man talks low, in Fjerdan, and you never were the most apt at language but you recognise one of the words as clearly as in your own tongue, drüsje.

You don't appreciate the man talking words you couldn't understand, and you appreciate less the way he was talking about you. So you sit up, trying to remember anything you could about the language he is using. After all, nothing is more likely to rile up a Drüskelle like hearing their own language in the mouth of a grisha. "Wanden olstrum end kendesorum," you say, and you're sure you're butchering the translation, but you don't have it in you to care, you can barely even remember what the saying means, something about ice not being merciful. "Isen ne bejstrum."

That gets a rise from the man in the shadow. "Tig!" He yells at you. "You have no right to our words, in our tongue."

"Like you have no right to hold me, or is that simply because I am what you consider to be wrong?" you ask.

"I will return soon," he warns you, "and next time I will not be so kind, so consider your options, witch."

"My options," you lean back against the hard wall, "die slowly or die quick?"

"Exactly," he says and closes the door. You hadn't expected him to be so forward, but you knew that was what the situation was. No Fjerdan was going to let a grisha captive go just because they cooperated. There was no making this out alive if the Fjerdan's could help it. Your only real chance was escaping which given every angle you have considered seems nigh on impossible, or to be rescued. You didn't doubt Tolya, or the others for that matter, you know he would try, nothing could stop him trying, but you're not sure that will be enough. You're not sure exactly how much time you can buy yourself to allow him to get to you.

When you're sure you are alone again you shake your arm against your restraints and hear the gentle sound you were hoping to find.

The blade concealed in the fabric of your sleeve, so thin that they wouldn't notice it if they didn't know what they were looking for. An old habit from the work you did for Ravka before, an old habit that your generals used to call 'insurance.'

The blade is durast made, and needle sharp. It's not a blade for fighting, it's a blade for when you're out of options, backed into a corner and have nowhere left to go. It's a blade designed for mercy over the torture you might endure at the hands of your captives, mercy before you can betray what is close to you, and then die for the privilege.

The weight of the blade in your hand is almost non-existent, light as a feather, or a hope. You let your mind run away from you, thinking about home, thinking about card games with Tamar, and arguing over the colour choices with Genya, watching the way David scribbles additions to the list he has that helps him with reminders of ways to bring his wife joy, because she deserves it more than almost anyone you've ever known. You let your mind think of Nikolai looking for any excuse to be less official, leaning over balconies and smiling at the distance, like a boy who's heart is still somewhere out on the ocean. You let yourself think of Zoya and the way she rolls her eyes in a filled room, but somehow never lets you make it through a meeting without a warm drink in your hand, you'd never once asked her, and she had never once asked how you took it, she just knew, she noticed you guess. For all her cold exterior, Zoya had an unintentional tendency to love, even if she couldn't recognise that was what it is. The hardest part is when you let your mind wander to Tolya, you can see him in your mind as clearly as if he was beside you, the version of him you hold close to you, in your memories is kissed by the morning sun, smiling in the morning light, looking far too large to be sitting in the window, but he is doing it anyway, legs against the outer wall, like he could jump down if he wanted, disappear into some adventure, like some hero you'd framed him as in your mind. Your hero. Tolya Yul Bataar, the best part of your history, the thing you'd always be the most grateful for.

You feel the blades weight now as you let yourself think of him, and you force yourself to think of what it means for him if you decide to use it. Losing him, the idea of it alone is the cruelest thing you could experience, and you know that he would not feel dissimilar. But what they wanted from you, the blood they were going to spill in the search for answers, answers you could not give without giving up everyone you cared for, Tolya most of all.

You stare at the blade, wondering, what choice would be more painful, to betray or to leave them alone to preserve what you know. You would rather die than turn on Tolya, you know that as surely as you know anything, you would take his promises to the grave and nothing would stop you from doing that. Even if it means falling on an old insurance policy created by a loyalty you were sworn to without choice, to protect the only thing you would always be loyal to without even asking.

You slip the blade back to where you had found it, not ready to make that choice yet, not ready to give up on the idea that Tolya might just be the hero from all the stories and get here just in time.

You lose track of all sense of time as it passes, creeping by. The third time the Fjerdan visits you're left with a threat you cannot ignore, and the resounding copper taste in your mouth.

You move your arm the best you are able, between your injuries and the tightened restraints and you feel the blade slip out of its holding once again and fall into your hand.

You press a finger to it's tip, and you don't feel it cut into you, you're only sure it has when the blood wells up in a bright red bud on the end of your finger. So thin, so sharp a blade that it might as well slip between nerves at it's finest point. After all, the blade was designed for mercy, designed for moments when you know you're going to die but want to do it on your terms, not theirs.

You try not to think of Tolya. Knowing there is no kindness for him in this. If they kill you, or if you fall on your own blade his loss is the same, and they're matching wounds that only heal slightly differently. You'd hope he would know why you'd choose this option, but lingering on the thoughts of all the things he might feel when he finds you, if he finds you, only makes a pain worse than any torture bleed into your system. Thinking of him makes you want to live more than anything else, but that is becoming less and less of an option.

You hear the movement outside, and your instincts kick in. He shouldn't have been returning so quickly, time may not be real to you but you can still follow the sounds of routine. It doesn't make any sense, but you cannot risk him finding the blade without a chance to use it, losing your only merciful out is not an option. You grip the blade tighter in your hand, which is unsteady, so unsteady and you point the blade towards yourself, pointed end resting against your chest above your heart. You take in a deep breath, eyes on the door. If he wants to come early, you can let him watch his failure.

The door opens and you ready your pressure on the blade, but the eyes you meet in the darkness are not those of your captor, but familiar golden eyes of home.

"Tolya?" you ask and drop the blade, it clatters on the hard floor and he doesn't have time to process it before he is beside you, checking you over, assessing your injuries. "Tolya," you smile, "you came."

"Did you not think I'd come for you?" Tolya asks, gesturing for someone else in the doorway to come in and help with the bindings.

"I didn't know if I was strong enough," you say. This is when he lets his awareness come back in, at first he was too overwhelmed by the sight of you, by the knowledge he had found you, that you were alive, that he could keep you safe, and get you home. That he hadn't had a moment to process what he had been seeing when he opened the door. Zoya steps from the darkness and picks up the blade without saying a word, she recognises it instantaneously, and the look on her face causes you a type of pain you cannot describe.

"You devoted idiot," Zoya whispers to herself, giving you a glare before she storms back out.

"Did you not think I'd come for you?" He repeats. His eyes searching yours. He helps you to your feet, and you can hear Tamar down the hallway, in some fight, cursing in more languages than you know.

"I knew you'd come for me," you say honestly, "but I did not want to betray you before you had the chance. Tolya I would rather die than betray you. They wanted me to betray you-"

"Then betray me," he says, your heart stills in your chest, "if it keeps you safe, it keeps you from harm, betray me, always betray me. I can forgive betrayal, but I cannot forgive the loss of you. I could overcome betrayal, but I can not overcome the loss of you."

"Tolya..." you cannot find words, you're exhausted and in pain and you had been coming to terms with the idea you were not making it out, and yet he found you, and so many different feelings are surging through your body you feel fit to fall down. But he holds you, not letting you fall.

"I," Tolya ever the man of words, the poet, cannot find the right thing to say.

"Tolya, get your sister, make sure we can get out of here, I will take them back to safer ground," Zoya says, more of a command than a suggestion.

Tolya's eyes are blazing, like the idea of letting you out of his sight is the biggest insult Zoya could have said. "If you think I am leaving-,"

"Tolya, take that rage, make it useful," Zoya says, "do you think anyone in this place is capable of stopping me?" She moves her hands together and everyone in the room can feel the static, we all know what she is capable of, Zoya Nazyalensky the grisha who learned to control lightening. "No, so you be useful and I will handle this, we got this far do you think I would allow things to go wrong now?"

Tolya's eyes are on you, the idea of leaving you seems so far from right to him, but you manage to give him a nod, against what you want, against your instincts. You want nothing more than to stay at Tolya's side, at his side you feel stronger, you feel safe, you feel like nothing could happen. But you know Zoya is right, you cannot recall a time she was wrong... the one glaringly obvious one aside.

"It's okay Tolya," you tell him.

"We are not done talking about this," he says. You give him a knowing nod, and he pulls you in for a hug, his grip is so tight you're convinced your bones might snap if he wasn't careful, but he is careful, he is always so very careful with you. "I am so glad to see your face again."

"Not as glad as I am to see yours," you tell him before he disappears down the hallway to find Tamar.

Zoya wastes no time, in the hand she isn't using to support you she holds out the blade. "I am not returning this to you," she says. "This was from a time when Kirigan was in charge, and for all his talk about loving the grisha he used us just like the rest of them. This is a relic from a time where we were worth more dead than as hostages, why do you still have this?"

"You say relic like it much longer ago than it was Zoya," you say, "you don't forget that training so easily."

"You sound like Baghra," Zoya scoffs.

"I know," you admit. Zoya looks at you, and for all the sternness in her face you see a concern behind those eyes.

"I am not giving you this back," she says, "but I understand." She places it back into her pocket and puts her attention on keeping you up, and getting you out. “You’ve been strong your whole life, it's okay to feel weak for a moment.”

"I thought it was strength it took to be a soldier," you say, repeating Zoya's own words back at her.

"I've said many things," Zoya admits, "and although I have meant all of them, there are a few on occasion, that I regret." She looks at you, and you look back at her and for a moment you see past the beauty and the fierceness, you see past the Zoya she always shows, the one you've always known and you see something else, you see a Zoya you suspected was always there but doubted you'd ever see. "You're perfectly strong, but your strength comes from your love more than anything. I've not known you as strong as you've become since you've known him. And as much as I would like to say there are stronger motivators for the fight inside you, I saw the way he fought for you, and I see how badly you fought to make it long enough for him to get to you, and I doubt you could get a stronger fight than that."

#shadow and bone #grishaverse #tolya yul bataar #tolya #tolya x reader #tolya my darling i adore you

[sleepingdeath-light]

what kind of dad he’d be hcs ; zeke yeager

requested by ; anonymous (10/10/23)

fandom(s) ; attack on titan

fandom masterlist(s) ; here

character(s) ; zeke yeager

outline ; “Hello! Can I request a dad headcanons (as in reader is his kid) about Reiner or Zeke [you can do both of them if you feel like it] (AoT)? What kind of father would he be and how would he deal with being a single parent. Those dudes have some issues, so I'm curious how that would impact their parenting styles. Have a nice day or night!”

note ; very shaky characterisation as i haven’t written for reiner before — also this spans from pre-rumbling to just before his death

warning(s) ; canon typical references to violence and angst, but mostly fluff!

though he is a notably ruthless and cunning tactician on the battlefield, when it comes to his role as your father zeke does his best to be just about everything his own father wasn’t — sometimes this translates to his patience when helping you learn about the history of your world or another fundamental skill, and other times this means him greeting you with warmth and affection after a successful mission with his fellow soldiers (giving you all of the attention he was denied growing up… or, well, as much of it as he can afford to give due to how all consuming his role can be)

when he’s out on missions or training it’s his grandparents that take care of you, making sure that you’re well loved and supported as you learn and grow as a person — they’re also the ones that keep track of any milestones you reach in his absence so that he’s able to quickly get back up to speed whenever he comes home

every second that he has to spare is spent doting on you: playing games together, helping you with your homework, helping you read that new book he bought you, eating together as a family, and giving you every little gift he collected on his missions away — it’s hard to find something that’s not charred and broken after he’s attacked a town, but he somehow always manages because in zeke’s mind you only deserve the best

he deals with an immense amount of guilt for bringing you into a world where you’re seen as a threat for your heritage and while he does go through a period of deliberation just after your birth, in the end he still decides to go through with his plan of sterilising all eldians — he loves you, adores you even, but he’s well and truly set on doing what he perceives to be the right thing for all of humanity… even if it means negatively impacting you in the process

zeke is all too aware that his time on this earth has been massively shortened by his adoption of the beast titan form, and naturally he started putting in measures from your infancy to ensure that you’d be well taken care of after his inevitable death — he arranged for his grandparents to formally adopt you and take you in, starts writing letters to you in his free time for all of those milestones he’s going to miss, sera aside some clothing and other items of his for you to keep as reminders of him, and even goes and gets a formal family picture done when you’re old enough to remember it

he doesn’t talk to you much about your grandparents, diana and grisha, but you learn the basics from your great grandparents — who they were, what happened to them, and what their relationship with your father was like (of course zeke leaves you a letter with a full explanation about your heritage to read once you’re old enough, and he’s long dead, but for now all you need to know is the ‘who’ and that they died a long time before you were born)

of course he isn’t perfect and, as much as he tries to emulate the positive example set by his grandparents, there are times when he makes mistakes and lashes out at you for something you’ve done (usually interrupting him when he’s in a meeting or doing something dangerous without realising just how risky your behaviour was) — in those moments he’ll scream so harshly that you can’t help but be terrified, and the moment you start crying and he notices it you’ll see him freeze as he snaps out of his anger before he goes to comfort you and apologise

he refuses to be like grisha

he’s extremely protective and secretive about you and isn’t above threatening or killing people that try to leverage your existence against him — in fact he’s so keen on keeping your existence as his child as much of a secret as possible that there are only a small handful of people that know about you (namely your family — including eren when zeke was trying to get him to sympathise with his cause — and a few of his most trusted fellow warriors)

#sleepingdeath #gender neutral reader #child reader #platonic x reader #fluff #fluff hcs #aot x reader #platonic aot x reader #aot fluff #snk x reader #platonic snk x reader #snk fluff #attack on titan x reader #attack on titan fluff #platonic attack on titan x reader #zeke yeager x reader #platonic zeke yeager x reader #zeke yeager fluff

[stromuprisahat]

What do you think about Aleksander wanting Ravka's love? How does it look like for him etc

You can't keep doing things out off goodness of you heart, while all your credit's constantly overlooked. There should be either visible results or some acknowledgement (preferably both), otherwise your work becomes incredibly draining.

While Aleksander DID have results to show for his lifetimes of work, let's be honest- even Little Palace pales in comparison with constant animosity and servitude. He's fighting windmills and he knows it.

“Fairness!” he laughed. “Still she talks of fairness. What does fairness have to do with any of this? The people curse my name and pray for you, but you’re the one who was ready to abandon them. I’m the one who will give them power over their enemies. I’m the one who will free them from the tyranny of the King.”

Shadow and Bone- Chapter 21

Btw, interesting choice of words once you realize he's talking from a position of a serf. He's not merely changing one tyrant for another, like Alina answers, considering his stance on servitude, I don't think he'd let it last for long. Sure, you cannot piss off all the nobles and immediately turn everything upside down, unless you want your country to collapse, but while he might not like to give up control to the idea of democracy, I think servitude would be on the top of his list of things to get rid of.

But back to your question:

Sure, he desires love just like an other human being. He WOULD like to be genuinely appreciated (once he'd believe it), but I think he has it in the same category, where ordinary people tend to place sudden inheritance from previously unknown rich relative. Sure, it could happen...

What he wants is peace and Grisha to be viewed as ordinary people. Even Brainwash-Bullshit-Baghra admits it in one of her manipulative lectures:

“My son was not … He began so well. We moved from place to place, we saw the way our people lived, the way they were mistrusted, the lives they were forced to eke out in secrecy and fear. He vowed that we would someday have a safe place, that Grisha power would be something to be valued and coveted, something our country would treasure. We would be Ravkans, not just Grisha. That dream was the seed of the Second Army. ..."

Ruin and Rising- Chapter 10

I don't remember him ever stating anything suggesting fleeing human affection is among his goals- quite contrary- it was his enemies (in the Retcon duology), who claimed it's what he wanted.

All the Darkling ever wanted was to be loved by this country, adored.

Rule of Wolves- Chapter 20- "Genya"

"That’s why the Darkling expanded the Fold, isn’t it?” Nikolai mused. “He was looking for a weapon that would leave no one in doubt of Ravka’s power. He knew if he gave the people victory, they would finally love him. ..."

Rule of Wolves- Chapter 31- Nikolai

Aleksander is too much of a pragmatic realist with too much experience with people. He knows love cannot be forced, and while it might make some things more pleasant, it's not what he requires. He insists on cooperation (See: Alina) and he's too ​disillusioned with life to even hope for any kind of appreciation.

He'd settle for results.

#reply #Grishaverse #The Darkling #grishanalyticritical #Ravka #The Righteous Gang™ #S&B Chapter 21 #R&R Chapter 10 #RoW Chapter 20 #RoW Chapter 31 #books #quotes #Leigh Bardugo #'ALL the Darkling ever wanted was to be loved by his country...' #No #all he ever wanted was not to be viewed as subhuman and the end of wars.

[misrepresentedmorallygrey]

PROPAGANDA

The Darkling

Okay so this guy is the main bad guy of the series. He made “the fold” this barren wasteland of darkness and monsters dividing the land, causing like hundreds of thousands of people to die. He killed his mom. He psychologically manipulated his girlfriend (like, he caused her to hallucinate and a whole bunch of other crazy stuff). He made one of his followers (a young girl) use her body to slowly poison the king over time. He started a cult. He did a LOT of crazy stuff. However, we do see his backstory of him as a kid, and learn that he did all this in the name of equality, so people would stop torturing and killing the ‘grisha’ or the witches/magic users. Later, he fakes his own death and starts a cult worshipping him and acts as the leader of the cult, going by his old name Aleksander. He is a very complicated character. So tell my why everyone thirsts after him and is like “he did nothing wrong” HELLO?! He is NOT your poor little meow meow he is complies please please don’t sanitize him.

Mikoto Kayano

Mikoto is really kind and friendly, he gives people nicknames, and he tries to talk to everyone. He cares about his little sister and his mom; he doesn't want to worry anyone and will hide when he's really stressed out and try to act like everything is fine. He just laughs and hopes everything will work out. He overworks himself and thinks that he needs to keep working, even after he's already pushing himself too hard. He doesn't remember killing anyone and he's in MILGRAM because of it and he got voted to not be forgiven in the first trial which is making his stress worse.

Mikoto's characterization within the fandom is either sexy man or baby who couod never hurt a fly. Despite that in his introductory voice drama he folds a fifteen year old for several minutes abd the fact that he's now in a mystical prisoner for definitely committing murder. Like the entire premise of the series is contingent upon everyone who is in it killing a person. Mikoto has dissociative identity disorder the fandom uses this to basically go normal Mikoto the one Milgram arrested (the prison that can look into people's minds by the way) is the good one. He hates violence and I'd just a silly little office worker but the other one I'd the literal devil. An evil man who likes violence and just hates people real antisocial. The fandom is so bad at understanding moral ambiguity and dissociative identity disorder that despite his songs being called MeMe, Double, a line in the second song being literally "Just the two of us" and one of the creators puting out a statement after the seconds songs release saying "I wonder what will happen to the two Mikoto's now"- A good majority of fans have convinced themselves there is a third very normal and chill alter (because they seperate them by emotional states like this is fucking inside out for some reason) who is just a guy and consistently state Mikoto will be bad representation if there are only two. It's to the point that a good deal of the fanbase are fans of this character and not actually Mikoto. Only using his actual character for ship fodder to fuel their switch fetish. I don't know if it's not understanding moral ambiguity, just not knowing how to fucking read, or hating a minority of people simply based on how a dissociative disorder presents in them which is apparently a bias that the dissociative identity disorder community has had for a long time i.e treating people more poorly based on alter count but whatever it is I believe it's enough to qualify him for this.

#misrepresented morally grey #round 2 #bracket a #did nothing wrong bracket #shadow and bone #the darkling #general kirigan #milgram #mikoto kayano #kayano mikoto

[h8t3-d]

I like how in The Goldfinch the atmosphere is very distinctively different when Theo is with his supposed love interests and then with Boris.

First with Pippa he feels like he has to do everything for her, to be everything that he isn’t and it still wouldn’t be enough for her to just notice him at least as a friend. When reading those parts I felt as if Theo was suffocating. It even lead him to act like a stalker. Also the other part of me is thinking that he could have liked her so much because she was in the museum with him and her mother while she was alive and thought that she would be the only one to understand his pain.

Then in the attempts to forget about Pippa he tries to stay in a romantic relationship with Kitsey. She isn’t as straight forward as Pippa but still gives away what she’s feeling somehow without having to say it. Theo understands her better but in the end, he doesn’t love her. He tried to mainly for the sake of Mrs. Barbour and even for Kitsey herself but he isn’t that kind of person. And again the overall feeling of reading those parts just is as if he was struggling so hard to be someone he isn’t to please people he cares about but ends up confusing himself with what he really wants. He just took the easy road with Kitsey and thought it would be the best for him but it obviously never was.

And when he finally meets Boris after those 6+ years the whole mood shifts. It felt like Theo could finally breathe. He was unapologetically himself, not holding back for the sake of others because he knew Boris wouldn’t judge him. It was even weirdly romantic because Boris was supposed to be scared of Theo (because he thought Theo knew that he stole the painting) but as he saw him for the first time on the street he just couldn’t resist and called his name, then ran over to ‘Potter’, hugged him and caressed his face as if he wanted to make sure that he was real. Also the little things before their meeting that Theo did, like putting Boris’s last four digits of his phone number to a safe where he hid The Goldfinch, taking conversational Russian in college, literally anything reminding him of Boris and also being closest friend with Grisha who was the most alike to Boris out of the delivery man. But also the things that Boris did for Theo: coming to New York after all those years, clearly implying that he couldn’t stop thinking about Theo’s well being even after having kids and travelling the world. Remembering where to look for Theo even though he didn’t contact him in such a long time means he remembered a lot of details that he mentioned. When he met him on the street and his boss showed up to see the famous ‘Potter’, she mentioned Boris talking a lot about him, even calling him the name that Boris gave him which means it was true. It is the same as when Boris gave Kotku her nickname and he made everyone call her by that. Also we cannot forget the famous scene where they parted in Vegas and Boris literally kissed him on the lips. It seems though they’ve had their lives figured out but by the time they met again and saw each other they just couldn’t help remembering their suppressed feelings. Remember the line - we both knew without me saying it out loud to him … - which was of course i love you. I mainly made this post to make it more clear that these two have obvious feelings for one another regardless of their sexuality and there is no denying that.

#the goldfinch #boris #theo decker #boris pavlikovsky #theo #thoughts #boreo #kitsey barbour #pippa #love #internalised homophobia #bisexual #gay

[ignitesthestxrs]

alarkling + apocalypse

hmm mm i would probably play with this concept as less of a literal apocalypse, and more of an emotional concept where like the end of your world is the loss of the people you love

so alina notices in her 30s that she's not really ageing even though she's supposed to be human and it becomes clear that even without her power she's retaining some inherent grisha-ness that has extended her lifespan.

so she lives out her life with mal but he of course eventually dies and it's not long after that that she starts to see the darkling similar to how they haunted each other in the second book, and at first she thinks he's real and is horrified at the idea that he's Back, but over time it becomes clear that he's not...doing anything beyond showing up and occasionally negging her/commenting on what she's doing/mocking her lack of power/reminiscing on what might have been/giving the occasional sincere compliment just to keep her off balance, all of which seems very in line with what her own brain would conjure out of grief at losing mal and facing an uncertain future

and at this point she still has zoya and genya and her other grisha friends etc, and she doesn't tell them about these visions because a) she is kind of worried that she's insane and b) she's...alone, except when he's with her. and she can freely be a real cunt to him, you know? it's kind of nice to have someone there who she doesn't have to give a fuck what he thinks, because he's the literal villain of her story.

and her friends are worried about her and probably at some point encounter her talking to herself/him and it's a whole Thing where half her friends think she's crazy and the other half think the darkling is back and they need to hunt him down and kill him, and it's half out of wanting to put an end to the trouble and half out of....she doesn't want anyone to hunt him down and kill him if he's real lol , she gets furious at him and tells him to just fucking leave her alone to live out however long she has left in peace

and he just laughs like, Oh Alina, if i can't die, what makes you think that you can?

but he does go, and she thinks it'll be like all the other times he's left, that he'll be back to haunt her in a month or two, but he's not. years pass and she kind of thinks of that time period as that time she lost her mind to grief for a bit and tries to get on with the process of living, but she's not very good at it and her friends are powerful but eventually they die as well, and there was a part of her that wondered - that remembered - no shelter but me - that maybe if he had been real, if he had been alive, he'd come now that she was alone.

but he doesn't. and her friends' children live and age and try to get her to engage with the world but she is so separate from all of them and so weak besides, and they love her but they don't know her. because who could know her? and she's alone in her big stupid manor that she's lived so many lives in, and she goes outside to the place where they cut down that tree after they cut down the bodies hanging from it, and she says,

I wish you'd come back.

And there's a pause, the longest pause, like maybe she really did just say the words into the empty night. Enough to feel the hope flicker and the hope die, enough to feel how truly alone in the world she is, and how foolish she is for wanting.

He waits for her despair before he slides his arms around her, hooks his chin over her shoulder. She can hear the smile in his voice when he says,

You just had to ask.

#the grisha trilogy #alarkling #i am never writing grisha fic again but this was fun

[aleksanderscult]

People accuse the Darkling of...

⚠️TW!: Genocide, sexual assault and abuse⚠️

People accuse the Darkling of lacking empathy.

Well that's what immortality does to you, my friend. The human brain is not designed for this kind of thing. It's miraculous that he wasn't insane by the start of "Shadow and Bone".

He also willingly stopped feeling emotions because they distracted him from his goal.

Furthermore, he was raised by a mother that kept telling him to never believe in love and always tried to isolate him from people he could bond with.

And I don't think you call someone "unfeeling" when he seems concerned about what will happen to Ravka and the Grisha or when you remember his reaction to his mother's fall or when he saw the woman he loved lose her entire soul, her very being right in front of him. The man could feel. But his emotions were buried deep within.

People accuse the Darkling of being a murderer.

Yes, he was, I agree.

But so was Alina, so was Mal, so was Nikolai. Everybody killed people.

"But Nikolai didn't kill out of evilness"

Neither did the Darkling. He didn't do it because he enjoyed it, he wasn't a sadist. He killed because he was fighting a war. At times of peace (if there was any in Ravka) he didn't go around shooting people out of boredom.

People accuse the Darkling of lying to Alina.

He lied to Alina because she was a new and, apparently, naïve person that he couldn't just trust from day one. He was the leader of an army that was already in danger of being hunted down if the King changed his mind. Why should he trust her? Why should he tell her his secrets? Is she his lieutenant? Is she part of the royal council? No, I don't think so.

"He lied to her about who he is!"

Isn't that the same lie he was telling to literally everyone for 400 years? You say it like he did it because he had something personal against her. It really shows how clueless all of you are for the matters of politics and ruling. Read a book ffs.

People accuse the Darkling of committing genocide.

He didn't. He was actually a victim of one.

I can't believe this accusation even exists

People accuse the Darkling of being a sexually creep towards Alina.

Aside from the fact that neither I nor the author herself consider him as one, are we talking about those moments where they already were enemies? Do you know what an "enemies-to-lovers" trope is? Do you know that in this kind of trope attraction and aversion are the primary ingredients?

Or the fact that, in the Grishaverse, the very rules of consent are different. How can you or anyone put modern laws into a fantastical universe where people with magical powers exist and things are run differently? Each universe has its own setting, structure and rules. Why are you putting your contemporary ideals and ethics there? What are they even doing there in the first place?

People accuse the Darkling of being manipulative towards Alina.

If you accuse him as such, could you please DM me the passages from the book where he did that? Because even I can't find them.

And I'm talking about before his big reveal as the "villain". Because after that, those moments are again taken as the actions of an enemies-to-lovers trope.

But where he was manipulative before that?

Good luck trying to figure out the impossibly ambiguous scenes where Leigh tried to paint him as one in S&B and failed.

People accuse the Darkling of being power-hungry

I agree, he sought power. But as far as we know he never wanted power exclusively for himself. In RoW it was revealed that even the Fold was the result of him trying to stop the wars:

Wars ended and began again—and again and again. Grisha were not accepted; they were resented in Ravka and hunted abroad. Men fought them with swords, then guns, then worse. There was no end to it, and so he had sought an end. Power that could not be questioned. Might that could not be reckoned with. The result had been the Fold.

The amplifiers? To control the Fold and stop the wars.

The nichevo'ya? Used them to lower the losses of his army.

The throne? Unlike his predecessor, he seemed to be involved in paperwork, listening to his advisors, feeding his army and trying to deal with all the deserters from that army.

"You try to defend him and his actions!!"

Actually we're trying to protect him from your stupidity and inability to read between the lines and past the narrative. And the Darkling has become totally evil in the eyes of this fandom because:

A) the narrative really did him dirty. Always talking about his atrocities and villainous actions.

B) the fandom is really clueless and stupid about the ways of leadership and ruling and I will die on this hill. You have NO idea how treason must be handled, or political intrigues are working and it shows from the very first second you open your mouth. "The Darkling scarred Genya!" Welcome to the world of "treason is met with consequences". "The Darkling lied to Alina!" Welcome to the world of politics.

Also, it's the double standards that kill us. You forgive Kaz for killing people for money but spit on the Darkling for doing it for a selfless purpose. You love Nikolai for trying to usurp the throne, but hate the Darkling for doing the same when he did it to bring a change to Ravka.

The Darkling was an anti-villain. Anti-villains are characters with a noble, sympathetic goal but the means to achieve it is through violence. And these characters are meant to stir sympathy towards the reader and are, almost always, tragic characters.

Now whether someone forgives his actions or excuse his character is always up to the reader.

But let's not pretend like the heroes did better. Or the fact that you probably wanted him to act like a forgiving, kind-hearted fairy godmother after one thousand years full of shit to the point that he broke, said enough and stood up against the violence and atrocities his people were suffering from. He decided to fight fire with fire and I find that understandable, just like the majority of his supporters in this fandom.

#i know and recognize his crimes and still stand by him #because he did something even if that something was too distasteful for you #the darkling #pro darkling #aleksander morozova #pro aleksander morozova #grishaverse trilogy #shadow and bone #grishaverse

[fandomscompilation]

The story of two broken souls (Kaz Brekker x Reader) Part 10

Fandom: Six of Crows

Pairing: eventual Kaz Brekker x Reader

Warnings: mentions of knives, mentions of Pekka

A/N: Hello! Another part is here. We're getting into plotline of the show. Working on both series at the same time is kinda hard, but I'll post another part for Kirigan soon too. Enjoy this one and let me know what you think!

Taglist: @d34drapunzel @coldheartedmar @igakc

Gif is not mine!

Finding a way through the Fold was the main topic between Crows. Kaz tried to make me come with them to the people who might know something, but I managed to stay at the bar. Going around with them would make people see me as a new addition to their group. But when the three of them failed I made a decision, that might cost me my life.

"Long time no see." I smirked at the woman who was carefully picking her fruits.

"What do you want?" She frowned looking slightly scared.

"Can't say hello to an old friend." I quirked an eyebrow making her huff in irritation.

"We were never friends." She spat making me sigh tiredly.

"You're right. I didn't really make a good first impression. But you can't really blame me, I was quiet angered when we met." I pointed out while she bought some type of sweet fruit and started to walk around the stalls.

"What do you want?" She asked again making me cheer inside.

"I've got a job at one of the clubs. I work the bar and I remember you telling me about your love for card games." I said watching her carefully. "Come by, I'll get you a drink. On my tab of course." I smiled while she hesitated.

"Alright. Any drink I want?" She asked after a second making me chuckle.

"Any drink you want." I winked before putting a small card of the Crow Club in her hand.

I walked into the Club and maneuvered my way to the table Kaz, Inej and Jesper were occupying. I nodded at them but didn't say much before Rotty brought me my drink.

"Here's what I don't get." Jesper started making Inej and I exchange glances.

"We're going to be here all night." She teased playing with her knife.

"Rude." He replied making me smile lightly. "Why haven't they tried going under it? Just dig a tunnel." Jesper said sitting upright.

"Tried that. More than a century ago." Kaz informed leaning on his cane. "Something.. heard them digging."

"It was made hundreds of years ago by that crazy Grisha.."

"The Black Heretic." Inej butted in and I looked away to the Club.

"The one who controls shadow. They've got one in their army now, don't they?" Jesper continued not minding Inej's words. "General Kirigan?"

"Your point?" Inej asked furrowing her eyebrows.

"If one of his kind made it, can't he unmake it?" He asked like it was the obvious thing. I huffed shaking my head.

"Have you ever put out fire by adding more fire?" She retored while Kaz eyed me carefully.

"Then what's the opposite?" Jesper really didn't knew things involving Grisha.

"A Sun Summoner." Inej said softly with hope in her tone.

"I found her, I finally found her. I can make Ravka better now." I frowned with his voice echoing inside my head. Was he talking about the Sun Summoner? Did really manage to find them after all those years? Did he already make them believe his words? Were they going to willingly follow his plan?

"Boss, boss." I snapped back and noticed Rotty coming up." We intercepted a note from Dreesen." I smirked his way as a good job sign.

"Did you now?" Kaz leaned back slightly, making me wish he was a bit less professional when it came to us.

"It's for the owner of the Orchid. Says they require the services of a Heartrender. Tonight." He informed and we glanced at each other.

"A Heartrender? Why?" Kaz asked confused and I bit my lip. I wasn't a Crow and I didn't want to cross the Fold, no need in helping them out.

"Doesn't say. Just they need it before midnight." He supplied making me huff. I got up leaning on the barrier behind Inej. Kaz will probably find a way to make me work with them tonight.

"You don't bring in a Heartrender unless you need an answer out of someone who isn't willing to talk." Brekker finally caught up to all the information he had. "That's how we get this job before anyone else." I heard his chair scrape the floors lightly. "Bring Dreesen a Heartrender."

"Boss, just one problem." Rotty spoke up making all of us turn to him again. "Pekka Rollins knows." My gaze met Kaz's in a second. He quietly repeated the name before walking away.

As much as I wasn't willing to cross the Fold, getting the job from under Pekka's nose would be a nice touch. I watched Kaz climb the stairs to his voice. He was already getting in the role of the Bastard of the Barrel, oh how I missed this guy.

#fanfiction #writing #fanfic #kaz brekker x reader #six of crows #kaz brekker series #the story of two broken souls #kaz dirtyhands brekker

[sometimes-petty]

On Ravka and the monarchy

I'm reading I've finished the Shadow and Bone trilogy after watching the show and have many thoughts about the relationship the characters have with the government and the monarchy. I will take elements from both the books and the show for this analysis.

I started to think about this back when I watched the show and came upon one of Alina's letters to Mal detailing her confusion and frustration at being stuck at the Little Palace.

What I haven't said in this letter, Mal, what I've been trying to write among all these scattered words is, is that I'm afraid. I'm scared, Mal. We grew up reading about a Saint who would one day perform a miracle of light and solve our country's problems, and we knew that was a lie. We knew that no stranger ever solved our problems for us. No great miracle was coming. That's why we had each other. The world is hard and cruel, but we had each other, and that was enough. That was everything. If Saints were once real, they've long since left us. Season 1, Episode 3: "The Making at the Heart of the World"

(bold text added by me)

Alina's origins

I live in East Ravka, but I've never been welcomed here. Because I look like my mother, and she looked like the enemy. Season 1, Episode 1: "A Searing Burst Of Light"

One of the opening lines of the show exposes well the feeling Alina must have towards her country. It's a well-placed piece of word building. It tells us that Ravka is at war with a neighbouring country, that it has been for a long time, and to what extent it affects the lives of the people living near the borders. As a side note, it's also a praiseworthy nod to the origins of Alina in book canon.

Keramzin and the army

First, in the book, both Alina and Mal don't remember much of their respective families, because it was forced upon them. Missing or recalling memories of lost family members meant being ungrateful towards the Duke, who was the reason they still had a roof over their heads. Even their own birthdays aren't their own, because they were registered on the same day as the Duke's, again, out of mandatory gratitude. Second, enlisting in the army was also mandatory, at least from what I've gathered from the show.

Keep a pencil in your hand. Or else someone will put a rifle in it instead. Season 1, Episode 1: "A Searing Burst Of Light"

[which, I have to say, gave more notice of Ana Kuya's character than in the books]

Third, crossing the Fold is basically a death sentence, and one you can't back away from. Over and over again, their country has taken away the memory of their families, whatever agency they could have, and their life.

To Mal and Alina, it's less a question of what they feel about being Ravkan, and more of surviving it.

Os Alta and the Little Palace

After a life under this regime, all of a sudden Alina is the chosen one. She's immediately whisked away from everything she knows and dropped at court, to be paraded and trained as Grisha in the name of a country that couldn't care less about her until a minute ago.

She wants to tear down the Fold, that's a given, kind of scary but totally on the table for the entire story. However, I can't help but imagine a certain amount of resentment on her part for doing this knowing that it will all be in the name of the monarchy. That the rich assholes who have been sending common people to die on the fronts for centuries will come out of this ordeal looking better, that they do come out of it with their positions streghtened.

One royal heir caring about the commoners is not enough to me to fix the problem, because it's systemic. His successor may be just as incompetent as the others. Or the next. Or the further next.

Let's flip the idea: after all this time, only one guy with a semblance of political power amongst the entire nobility cares for the lives of the people underneath him?

#shadow and bone #siege and storm #ruin and rising #alina starkov #malyen oretsev #ana kuya #keramzin #os alta #nikolai lantsov #sometimes-petty