#when you’re closeted during pride month

[ohneets]

besties, I just want you to know that you are still as valid and authentic and true to who you are, whether your closeted or not. being out doesn’t make you any more valid. sometimes you have to stay closeted for your safety. and that is courageous and authentic and worthy of respect. even if the only person who has and will ever know your identity is you, you are still valid. never forget that.

#lgbtqia #lgbtqia+ things #when you’re closeted during pride month #happy pride 🌈 #bi*tag #bisexual #lesbian #gay #transgender #queer #queer community

[honeyedmiller]

Law of Attraction—Chapter Four: Moth to A Flame

series masterlist | previous chapter | next chapter

rating: 18+, minors dni.

warnings: professor!joel, age gap (reader is late 20’s, Joel mid 40’s), no outbreak!joel, plus size!reader, consensual professor / student relations, so much fucking angst, lots and lots of emotions, talks of the struggles of being plus sized, smut (f oral receiving, unprotected piv), arguing, crying, mentions of a terrible past relationship, this chapter is just literal heartbreak. no description of reader other than being plus sized. mood board is for aesthetic purposes only.

word count: 4.7k

a/n: i gotta say, this chapter is kinda self indulgent. had a fwb for two whole years that literally made me go crazy emotionally and I finally willingly ended it this year… so a lot of this is kinda how i felt during my experience w this. also, huge shoutout to @party-hearses for literally holding my hand through this every step of the way. idk what i’d do without you, dude. love you to pieces.

chapter synopsis: there’s only so much you can do as your feelings for joel bubble to the surface.

-

It’d been around a month since Joel made you the offer. 

The offer that made your stomach twist into knots every time you thought about it too much. 

You’d pretended everything was fine and that you were okay with the whole ordeal, when in reality, you felt sick every time it crossed your mind. 

You could’ve easily just told Joel you didn’t want to go through with it anymore. You knew that. 

But something in your heart was tugging and pulling and hoping and fucking wishing he’d change his mind, say fuck the whole friends with benefits thing and just want to be with you. 

You could’ve told him no more, but with the way he looked at you like you were the only woman in the world when you were completely vulnerable with him, slotting himself between your legs, pushing into you, an adoring stare with every drag of himself in and out of you—how could you confront him? How could you lose the one thing you had hoped for? 

It sounded pathetic. Maybe it was. 

There was no denying it anymore, though. You’d fallen hard for the very man that swept you off your feet. But, that’s also the problem—what goes up, must always come down. Your emotions were everywhere, and it wouldn’t be long before you knew you’d start spiraling. 

You didn’t want to tell Adrienne how you felt, and it’s not because she’d ever tell you I told you so. No, it was more so the fact that you were too prideful and you didn’t want to show her how vulnerable this has made you—how vulnerable he’d made you. 

This is not the woman you used to be. 

Maybe there’s something sweet in being soft and allowing yourself to succumb to someone’s desires for you, but not like this. Not to you. You wanted Joel in a way you’re sure he could never accept, and that broke your heart into a million pieces. 

To, dare you say, love someone who will never feel the same way was the most gut wrenching, grueling feeling. 

You had to tuck away those feelings in a box that you’d shove under your bed and forget about, though, because graduation was coming up in just two days. 

Your last finals were today, and despite your mess of emotions and feelings, you were excited to finally graduate. You were proud of yourself for sticking to your goals. 

You stared up at the dress you got for graduation, now hanging up on your closet with your regalia. Finding a dress was so much harder than you anticipated, and it made the whole shopping experience miserable. 

The only thing that kept you going during that whole try-on process was Joel’s words replaying in your head about how beautiful you were and how much he adored your curves. 

While it was nice that he thought that of you, you became disappointed in yourself for allowing yourself to thrive off of his validation. You’d spent so long trying to build your confidence from the ground up to where you didn’t need validation from others to feel beautiful. You were never reliant on anyone to make you feel secure within yourself, and you sure as hell didn’t want to start now. 

The drive to school was silent. Soft tunes of a Fleetwood Mac song played over your car speakers as you mindlessly drove to campus. Your first final was in Professor Sanchez’s class, and your last one was in Joel’s. You weren’t particularly looking forward to seeing him today. 

You’d been feeling like shit about the whole situation since you both last fucked, which was a couple of days prior at his house. Instead of fucking in his office like usual, he’d invited you over for a drink, following up with mind-blowing sex in his king-sized bed. 

You were surprised at first, thinking you’d never see inside the four walls of his sanctuary. It was a lot more homey than you’d anticipated it would be. Lots of family photos on the walls; cozy, worn-in furniture decorated the space in a way that flowed well; big stacks of books and a huge collection of DVDs that surrounded his TV. His neatly made bed was centered in his room, adorned by the ample amounts of the May sun that’d shone through his windows. 

You only got to look around his bedroom for a few seconds before his lips were on yours, hands roaming your curves as he undressed you in record time. After he’d fucked you well, he pulled you into his side and caressed your body in a soothing, comforting way. 

The sex part of it all wasn’t the complicated thing. No, it was the way he fucking looked at you after you both were catching your breaths, fucked-out, dopey smiles on your faces as you stared at each other. He looked at you with such sincerity and gentleness. There was a passion behind his eyes that sparked every time his eyes scanned your features. 

A wanting desire. A carnal need far beyond something that was just friends with benefits. You saw it in his eyes. 

This is why you were so back-and-forth with your emotions toward him and this whole situation. It was your way of justifying why you should stay and give this a chance. There was just that little sliver of hope, and that hope is what you clung on to as if your life depended on it. That hope was the only thing keeping you from completely breaking down. 

You found yourself aimlessly walking into Professor Sanchez’s class. Everything was a blur. Taking your seat, receiving instructions for your final exam, taking said final exam. It was you simply going through the motions, barely even registering that you’d never step foot into his classroom again. 

You had a twenty minute gap between Professor Sanchez’s class and Joel’s. You knew you should at least fuel your brain with a small snack before going into his class, but your stomach was in knots again. 

Agreeing to be friends with benefits with Joel was a bad idea. You knew it, Adrienne knew it, and hell, even Joel knew it. 

You knew you’d be the one to catch feelings and want more. You hated it. It sucked the fucking life out of you, leaving you a crying mess every night before you fell asleep. 

You were so emotionally and mentally exhausted. You felt foolish for thinking even just for a second that you’d be able to change Joel’s mind about your relationship—if you want to even fucking call it that—with him. 

You kept your head down when you entered Joel’s classroom. You were a couple of minutes early, but luckily, there were a few other students already seated. You felt Joel’s eyes burning holes into your head, and you shifted in your seat uncomfortably. 

Please, for the love of god, stop staring at me.

That’s all that was racing through your mind. You felt your phone buzz, and when you saw Joel’s name on the screen, the knot moved from your stomach to your throat. You felt like you could barely breathe. You just wanted to take your final and get the fuck out of his classroom and away from him. 

But then, realization dawned on you. He had no fucking idea how you felt, so you being so stand-offish toward him would only raise suspicion. 

You looked at his text. 

Everything alright?

You sigh and type back, trying so hard to swallow the goddamn knot in your throat that won’t seem to go away. 

Everything’s fine. 

Not even a minute later, your phone buzzed again. 

Stay after class for a bit.

You wanted to scoff at his text. Sex was not going to fix how you felt. In fact, it would make things even worse. 

Can’t. Going out with Adrienne tonight. 

You couldn’t help but glance up at Joel, who was looking confusedly down at his phone. He sighed and set his phone down on his desk, chair scraping against the floor as he stood up. He went over the final and the rules, distributing the tests shortly after. 

One thing you were grateful for in that moment was your ability to zero in on the test, feelings for Joel and his lingering stare set aside. You’ve come way too far and studied too hard to get distracted now. 

You were one of the first few to finish, turning in your test onto his desk. He nearly reached out to grab your wrist to stop you from leaving. He’d seemed to have forgotten where you two were at the moment. 

You gave him a warning glance as you slipped your hand abruptly back to your side. He played it off like he was reaching to grab the small stack of finished exams, eyes clouded with confusion as he looked up at you. 

You mumbled a thanks, Professor Miller before walking out of his class, thankful to never have to step foot in there again. 

-

You mindlessly swirled the amber liquor around the glass cup you were sipping out of. You truthfully didn’t feel like going out tonight, but Adrienne wanted to celebrate you finally finishing all of your coursework. 

She wanted to stay by your side, but a cute man had come up to her and asked her to dance with him. You insisted she go, because you truthfully didn’t want to suck her cheerful mood into your misery. 

You downed the rest of your drink and pushed yourself off of the barstool, needing to get out of the thick haze of smoke the bar was currently bathed in. You sent Adrienne a quick text telling her you were getting a breather just in case she came looking for you at the bar. 

You rounded the corner of the bar and pressed your back against the cold wall, sending a chill down your spine. The mid-temp air swirled around your body, filling your lungs with gratitude for not having to breathe in machine fog for another second. 

You watched as people passed by, laughing and carefree as they stumbled down the sidewalk with arms interlocked or shoving their friends playfully while boisterously laughing at a joke someone said. 

You sighed as you felt tears stinging your eyes, wishing so badly you were able to feel their happiness in that moment. You felt like you couldn’t get your fucking emotions together for the life of you. Your pre-Joel self was dying to come out and feel an ounce of happiness again. 

It’s like you were trying to constantly set a candle aflame, and he’d blow it out. Over, and over, and over again. A constant cycle that never ended. A moth drawn to a flame that ended up getting burned in the end because it couldn’t keep its yearning and curiosity and desire to itself. 

It killed you inside knowing that you let this affect you so much. The part of you that screamed that you didn’t need Joel’s validation to feel seen and beautiful was being easily overpowered by the feeling that his validation was everything you need to thrive off of. 

Being a plus sized girl most of your life came with many struggles—many of which you’ve overcome, but some still lingered like an annoying fucking cough not even medicine could get rid of. You’ve been told you’d never be the beauty standard, or that you’d look better if you were thinner, or you should work out and eat healthier because the way you looked seemed unhealthy. 

You’d crumpled up those nasty words and stomped on them anyway, because at the end of the day, the people making those comments didn’t know a single goddamn thing about you or your life. You were just a random girl in their story; one whose presence had an affect on them so much so that they felt the need to make comments about your appearance. 

But none of their fucking words mattered.

What mattered to you was that you’d spent years building up your confidence and self-love to get yourself in a good headspace about your appearance, finally in tune with your body and loving that it gave you life. 

But, because of those mean words and terrible past dating antics, you’d built a wall up around yourself to protect yourself and your heart from getting hurt again. Allowing Joel to experience the vulnerability you kept locked away felt like a fucking punch of air out of your lungs. 

Because, why the fuck would he not want to be in a relationship with you? Why would he offer to be friends with benefits when he was in his mid fucking forties? Were you not good enough? Was it because of the age difference? 

You’ve tried to think of every possibility there might’ve been to conclude why Joel just simply didn’t want you like you wanted him, but you were drawing a blank. 

You wiped the salty tears that streamed pathetically down your face, straightening up before taking a deep breath, walking back into the bar to order as many drinks as it took to simply just fucking forget. 

-

The buzz and excitement for graduation shortly followed just two days after.  

But, just like most things these days, it went by in a blur. It felt so liberating to walk across that stage; to have done something for yourself—something that was all yours. Your moment. Your success. Your absolute fucking willpower to see this through to the very end. You finally had your masters in criminal law. 

Your mom and dad were proud of you. Your siblings were proud of you. 

You were proud of yourself. 

It’s a feeling that’d been foreign to you these days, hiding in the shadows of the carnal desire for something more with Joel. 

You were never one to ask for much, but with him, all you could seem to want is more more more. 

Was it greedy of you to want more than just a good fuck?

Maybe to him, it was. 

The buzz quickly wore off with that thought constantly in the back of your mind, replaying like an old scratched record that was stuck on a song that could never seem to make it to the crescendo. 

You found yourself in your favorite coffee shop just a few days after graduation, desperately applying to any jobs that were hiring a freshly graduated criminal law student. 

Fixated too much on the screen of your laptop before you, you barely even paid any mind to the familiar person standing right across from you. It’s only when they cleared their throat that you looked up, surprise written over your features as you see Tess standing before you. 

“Tess! What a lovely surprise.” You greet, the first genuine smile stretching over your lips in almost a week. 

“Hi, sweetheart. Mind if I sit and keep you company?” Her voice is honeyed and kind, a hopeful glint flashing through her green eyes as she looks down at you. 

“Not at all.” You gesture to the chair across from you, and she takes a seat. 

“So I hear congratulations are in order.” She folds her hands around the perimeter of her coffee cup and purses her lips. 

You grin and wave her off playfully. “Masters shmasters. No biggie.” You shrug, and she laughs at your nonchalance. 

“Nonsense, darling girl, that’s a huge deal.” 

You give her a small thank you in gratitude, closing your laptop so you could put your undivided attention on her. She nods her head toward your computer, eyebrows threading together. 

“You applying for jobs?” 

“Mhm. To just about every position I can find that I’m qualified for.” You take a sip of your iced coffee, wishing the espresso was just a tad stronger. 

“Which field are you wanting to go into?” 

“I was leaning more toward forensics.” And Tess quirks her brow at that. 

“Y’know, I could get you in with the bureau. Misty and I know lots of people in forensics, and they’re always looking for people to join their division.” 

“Oh, Tess – I – I couldn’t possibly – you’re Joel’s best friend and I’d feel awful–” You were stammering your words left and right, trying to find footing in what you wanted to say, but nothing seemed right. 

She reached a warm hand out and clasped it over yours, immediately making your mouth clamp shut. You were honored that she’d even put in a good word for you, but she barely knew you. She’s Joel’s best friend. 

“Sweetheart, this isn’t about Joel. This is about you and your future.” 

She was right. Just because she was Joel’s best friend, didn’t mean her offering to put in a good word for you had jack shit to do with him. You were the one who worked hard to get to where you are, and hell, there was absolutely no harm in networking. That was what the criminal justice expo was all about a month back anyhow. 

“Speaking of Joel,” She softly murmured, almost seemingly hesitant to ask. “Not to pry, but are you still, you know, seeing him?” 

You felt your body heat up at her question, gaze averting to your iced coffee. You were suddenly transfixed on the sweat around the plastic cup, leaving its wake of water rings on the wooden table. 

“Um, yeah. I haven’t talked to him much recently, though.” 

It was true. You didn’t know how to face your feelings head-on for Joel. It was like a fucking beast in the wilderness that wanted – no, needed – to hunt you down and eat you alive. 

And so you ran. 

You ran without looking back, avoiding the devastating feeling at all costs. 

“God, that man is such an idiot.” Tess mumbled under her breath, but the coffee shop was quiet enough to hear her words of disdain. 

“Why do you say that?” 

Tess’s eyes bore into yours, her hand reaching back out to yours to give it a squeeze – a warning. 

“I’m gonna be truthful here with you, sweetheart, because you’re a good person and you deserve so much better.” 

You nod your head in the slightest, willing her to continue. 

“You see–” She pauses, trying to conjure up the right words she wants to say. “Joel’s a good person. He really is. Is he an idiot for asking you to be friends with benefits? Absolutely. Fucker’s too old for that shit.”

Tess rolls her eyes, and you chuckle softly at her small rant. 

“But, truth be told, he has trust issues. He has a fear of getting hurt. He keeps his guard up because he knows that as soon as he lets it down, someone can walk into his life and worm their way into his heart. I think–”

She pauses, shaking her head subtly before sighing. “I think he’s afraid of falling again because of his last relationship. It didn’t end well. Left him heartbroken for nearly a year after that stupid bitch was caught with another man in their bed.” 

You sat back, trying to process the information spewed at you. 

It all makes so much fucking sense now. 

“Christine is the reason for all this. If I could wring that bitch’s neck I would.” 

“That bad, huh?” You ask. 

Tess purses her lips and shakes her head. 

“You have no idea. Joel was a mess. He wasn’t like himself – far off from the best friend I love and know. It was like he was a marionette and her cruel actions were the ones controlling his every move.” 

And suddenly you felt so bad. You felt bad for being angry with Joel, but you know you shouldn’t feel bad. 

You agreed to his offer, yes, but he was using you solely for the intimacy to fill a void in his life – that carnal need that tried to claw to the surface. The very void he was afraid would swallow him whole if he didn’t get his fix of you. The thing you saw in his eyes after every time you two fucked. 

The very thing that felt like it was eating you alive. 

You huff out a laugh through your nose, shaking your head with a sardonic smile across your lips. 

“Sometimes I feel like I’m the marionette and Joel is the puppeteer.” You tap your nails on the table as a nervous habit, and Tess’s hands cover yours. 

Her eyes held sympathy as she looked at you, probably because she’d chewed Joel out for the very thing that was making you fall apart at the seams. 

“Well then, sweetheart, maybe it’s time you cut the strings.” 

-

You carded your fingers through Joel’s graying hair as you tugged, moaning his name in desperation. His head was buried between your thighs, making your mind fuzzy and forgetful of everything you’ve been going through mentally the past month. 

His skillful tongue catapulted you into your release, crumbling down as your thighs shook and your whine adorned the walls of your bedroom. 

He trailed soft kisses up your thighs, fingers indenting into your flesh as he gripped onto you. The drag of his stubble against your skin sets it ablaze, making your eyes flutter open and look down at him. 

His soft brown eyes met yours, something behind them you couldn’t exactly read. It was quickly masked with a cocky smirk stretching onto his plush lips, maneuvering upward so he was hovering over you. He moved down to kiss you hungrily, cupping your cheek gently before dipping his tongue into your mouth. 

You could taste yourself, moaning against him as your hands glide down to his hips. The taut muscles of his thighs flexed underneath your fingertips as you pulled him closer, wanting to feel his bare chest on yours. 

You couldn’t blame him for wanting the intimacy, because hell, it made you feel like you were floating on cloud nine. 

It was addicting. Almost fulfilling. You wanted more. More of him, more of his beautiful mind, more of the sweet moments of the real Joel you got to see behind his unyielding exterior. 

You wanted it all with him, and yet, he wanted none of it with you. 

It fucking stung. 

Maybe you were as naïve as you thought, way too over your head with this. 

Joel pulled apart from you, gaze meeting yours as he softly smiled. 

“You ready for me, darlin’?” His voice is soft, pulling you from your rather brooding thoughts. 

You nod, giving him the go-ahead. He collects the slick that’s smeared through your folds, lining himself up with your entrance. He pushes into you slowly, and he chokes on a gasp from how tight you are. He suddenly realizes you’re tense, so he cradles your head before looking down at you. 

“Y’gotta relax for me, honey.” He coos. 

Honey. That’s a new one. 

He moves up to leave a soft kiss on your forehead. You don’t know why, but the action makes you want to cry. You try to ignore it as he presses into you, praising into your ear about how much of a good girl you are for him. 

You’re completely enveloped in everything Joel, the feeling of the drag of his heavy cock in and out of you searing itself into your mind. Your mind was swirling with all sorts of emotions again, and for the sake of your own sanity, you wish it would just fucking stop. You wish your mind could stray away from feeling everything all at once. 

Joel felt good. He felt safe. He was broad and strong and handsome and generally kind – everything you want in a man. 

His lips moved down to your neck, kissing the soft flesh generously. He managed to find your pulse point easily, causing you to elicit a breathy moan into his ear. You felt his smile on your neck as he began to suck on that spot that drove you crazy, and you gasped.

“Joel, you’re gonna leave–fuck, you’re gonna leave a mark.” 

“You’re mine.”

Stop fucking saying that. 

You’re not, and he made that very clear when he offered to just be friends with benefits. 

Joel picked up his pace, and as much as your mind was distracted, it felt too good. You were nearing your end in a haste, and Joel followed right after you. He was out of breath as he pulled out and collapsed next to you, eyes screwed shut as he tossed his forearm over his eyes. 

You got up to go to the bathroom so you could clean yourself up and use the restroom. You came back out, slipped your oversized t-shirt over your head and sat next to Joel’s limp body. You couldn’t hold it in anymore, tear after tear falling down your cheeks. 

“I’m not her, you know.” Your voice came out shaky, but it got Joel’s attention. 

“Who–?”

“Christine.” The name rolled off your tongue with a surprising bitterness. Joel moved his arm down and looked at you with furrowed brows and a dark stare.

 Anger flashed across his eyes. The muscle in his jaw was ticking rapidly, completely irate. 

“How the fuck do you know about her?” He spits, moving to stand up hastily. He puts his boxers back on, followed by his shorts. 

“Does it fucking matter? I’m just telling you, Joel, I’m nothing like her. I wouldn’t fuck somebody else in the same bed we’d share. I don’t understand why you don’t want to be with me.”

“Don’t fucking talk about her again to me, ever. Not another fucking word.” He was avoiding your last words, a pang in his heart for what he felt for you, but he was seething. He hated that you knew the reason why he was so fucked up when it came to relationships. It felt like you had the upper hand, and he didn’t like it one bit. 

You laugh and shake your head, tears continuing to wet your cheeks. 

“You’ve made me feel more things for you in this past month than I have for any other  person in my life…probably ever, Joel. What’s so bad about us being together?” You press again, because fuck, you really wanted an answer. 

He ran a hand over his face, shaking his head. “Be fucking realistic here. It would never work out between us. You’re my student–”

“Was.” You interrupt. 

“Was my student. But you’re too young. You don’t have your priorities straight, you’re freshly graduated. You’re too… inexperienced.” He tosses his shirt over his head and crosses his arms, the thin material stretching over his broad, tense shoulders. 

“That’s genuinely just rich coming from you, Joel. You didn’t seem to have a problem with my age when you bent me over your desk, or fucked me in the hotel room, or your room, or ten fucking minutes ago. I’m nearly thirty, so don’t spew that bullshit about my age. You’re also really one to talk about me having my priorities straight,” You step around your bed to face him. “You’re in your mid forties and you wanted to be in a friends with benefits relationship, Joel. You’ve called me yours so many times, look at me like you feel something for me, and then expect me to go about as normal? What the fuck is that?”

He pauses for two seconds, nearly blacked-out irises staring into your own glossy and tired gaze. 

“It’s not my fault I didn’t live up to the expectations of myself that you created in your head.” 

You purse your lips into a thin line, taking a step back from him. He was right, but that didn’t mean it hurt any less. 

“I–I can’t fucking do this anymore with you, Joel. Please get out of my apartment.”

“So that’s it?” He tosses his hands up, looking at you in disbelief. He looked almost, dare you say, disappointed. 

“Get out.” You whisper, more tears adorning your cheeks. He scoffs and brushes past you, letting himself out of your apartment with a slightly more forceful closing of the front door. You didn’t care how dramatic you might’ve been in this moment, but you sank to your knees and buried your face in your hands.

You cried and cried and cried, the pain in your heart something you’ve never quite felt before. 

You wished nothing more in that moment than to be able to reverse time and make sure not to give in to temptation, because holy hell, she was the fucking devil. 

The constant hurt in your heart was a reminder that this was very real, it happened, and you were stuck with the cruel aftermath of it all.

But, Tess was ultimately right. 

You were Joel’s marionette no more. 

-

tag list: @ilovepedro ; @nostalxgic ; @bastardmandennis ; @tinygarbage ; @cool-iguana ; @untamedheart81 ; @nclgsticore ; @pamasaur

#joel miller #joel miller smut #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #fic: law of attraction #professor!joel #professor miller #plus size!reader #joel miller imagines #joel miller series #joel miller x plus size reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller fanfic #joel miller x you #joel tlou #joel the last of us #joel miller au #joel miller angst

[winryofresembool]

Jily one-shot: That Time of the Month

Summary: Lily isn't feeling well while attempting to finish her Head Girl duties. Luckily James is there to help.

For @jilymicrofics prompt 'flush'

words: 2600+

genre: fluff (with a bit of physical hurt/comfort)

rated: G

@athenasparrow you seemed curious about this one!

AO3

...

“Evans.” James raised his gaze from the detention slips he was trying to go through, sitting at a desk in the Heads’ Office. “I know you take great pride in finishing your work when you’re supposed to, rather than doing things the Sirius way - such as, doing your homework 5 minutes before the class - but you look like you’ve been hit by several powerful Bat-Bogey Hexes in a row. Are you OK?”

“I'd be better if you didn’t interrupt me, Potter,” Lily snapped. James gave her a disbelieving look and she huffed in response. “I’m doing just fine, I just really need to have this done before the meeting…”

James got up from his chair and stopped next to her, covering the piece of parchment she had been reading with his hand. “You’re a really bad liar, you know.  C’mon, you can tell me if something is wrong.”

Lily muttered something incoherent that James couldn’t understand.

“Pardon?” He raised his eyebrow.

“I’m. on. my. period. right now. There. Are you happy?” she growled, her cheeks and ears getting some extra color.

“Oh.” James wasn’t sure what he was supposed to answer to that. He knew that periods were a perfectly normal thing but the girls he knew rarely talked about them, at least near him, unless they absolutely had to, for example if it was hindering their flying during Quidditch practices. “I’m… sorry?”

“Well, don’t be. Now, will you finally let me do my work?” She gave him a gloomy look and attempted to steal the piece of parchment back from him.

Something about Lily’s demeanor finally gave James his tongue back. “No.”

“Excuse me?” 

James took a step closer to her. “Lily, as your fellow Head Student I don’t want you to force yourself to work when you could and should be taking care of yourself. I can handle this.”

“You’re not going to give up, are you?” Lily glared up at him but her voice had lost a lot of its earlier sharpness.

“Afraid not. Not without a fight, at least.” James grinned, pretending to draw his wand from his pocket. Lily’s shoulders hunched and she hid her face into her hands.

“Fine,” she mumbled against the palms of her hands. “If you let me finish our patrol schedule now, I promise to be a good girl and take a nap after that.”

“Alright.” James agreed, choosing to take that as a win, and turned his attention back to the detention slips. He only had time to read through a couple of them before Lily muttered to herself: “No, this can’t be right.”

“What can’t?” he inquired, and Lily’s expression told him she hadn’t realized she was speaking aloud.

“I accidentally put Fawley on a patrol twice in the same week. And Price, I forgot she can’t patrol with Lovegood; they just had this big fight a couple of weeks ago and haven’t spoken to each other since then. And looks like Crouch is missing from here altogether…”

“Okay, Evans,” James clapped his hands together. “I believe it’s time for an intervention. I’m going to take this,” he pulled the schedule from Lily’s hands, “and I’m going to use a neat little charm the boys and I came up with when we were… uh, inventing something. It should help me put all the names in order with a single tap of my wand. I just need a list of who can and can’t patrol together.”

Lily sighed and handed him a list she usually kept hidden in a locked drawer. The new Head Students had quickly noticed in the beginning of the semester that it was quite necessary; the Prefects could be a rather dramatic group of people when they wanted to. 

“I haven’t written it down yet but the other day I heard that McGriffiths and Gudgeon are dating now… so unless we want to keep checking if they’re snogging in a broom closet instead of patrolling… Ugh, bloody hell, literally!”

James was confused by Lily’s last exclamation until he turned his eyes from the list back to her. She was wincing, her hand on her lower abdomen and her eyes closed. James hated seeing her in pain and wished there was something more he could do to help.

“I’ll make sure that McGriffiths and Gudgeon won’t be patrolling together, then,” he said briskly. “But now, you go lay down on that couch; everything is under control here.” He basically pushed Lily up from her chair and off to the couch before she could even protest much. Producing a blanket with a wave of his wand, he waited until Lily had settled down and draped it over her.

“Thanks, James,” she muttered from under the blanket. James’ heart skipped a beat when she mentioned his first name.

“Any time,” he nearly stuttered, before returning back to his desk.

James quickly finished up the patrol schedule and organized the rest of the detention slips before standing up and approaching Lily again.

“I’m going to get something to eat from the kitchens. Do you need anything?”

Lily seemed slightly taken aback by his question. “I don��t…” She winced again. “Actually… some hot tea and maybe some fruit would be nice… And…” she hesitated for one moment, “if it isn’t too much to ask… Madam Pomfrey has a potion for the cramps so if you’re able to stop by the Hospital Wing…”

“Of course I can!” James exclaimed instantly. ”You could have asked earlier instead of just squirming around!”

”Sorry that I had other things in my mind!” Lily said, annoyed. “It’s not always this bad… I don’t understand what’s with it this month…”

James softened again, understanding that she wasn’t really annoyed at him but the pain and possibly the hormones made her a bit snappier than usual.

“Okay.” He put a hand on her shoulder. “Worry not, I’ll get you your potion. Can’t have my Head Girl suffering while we could be… working hard to make sure we’ll have a very productive Prefects’ meeting in a few hours. You get some rest now.”

“Alright. Thanks. Go get your dinner, Potter,” Lily mumbled, pulling the blanket higher up her body.

…

It took James less than 30 minutes to gather all the things he had planned to gather. His first stop was in the kitchens and when he explained his situation to the elves (mentioning that someone who’s important to him is not feeling well so he wanted to surprise her with a meal), he got an entire basket of food from them. It had some tea, pumpkin juice, fruits and sandwiches in it but the elves had also snuck in a chocolate bar, a piece of cake and Lily’s favorite pie. James left the kitchens thanking the elves over and over again and promising to do something for them in return.

Madam Pomfrey was happily surprised when James asked her if she could put some potion for cramps into the vial he had brought with him. His face heated up when she asked him if the potion was for his girlfriend.

“N-no! Not a girlfriend! She’s just a… friend. Who happens to be a girl, yes. I just offered to get her the potion because I was on my way to pick something from the ki…” he remembered he wasn’t really supposed to know how to get into the kitchens, “um, the Great Hall anyway.”

“Oh, alright,” Madam Pomfrey nodded. “Well, regardless, I think you’re doing a nice thing for her.”

She handed him the potion and also a hot water bottle and he left, feeling rather warm and hoping he could go out for a fly to organize his thoughts but remembering that he still needed to complete his task.

Before he managed to return to the Head’s Office, however, Sirius’ voice spoke via a tiny mirror hidden in his pocket:

“Prongs! Where are you?”

He put the basket he was carrying down, fishing the mirror from his pocket, and soon he was staring at his best friend’s face in it.

“I was in the kitchens… and the hospital wing. Why do you ask?”

“Why were you in the hospital wing?” Sirius kept pressing, ignoring his question. “Did a bludger hit you again or something?”

James wasn’t about to reveal what he had really been doing there because he knew Sirius would tease him mercilessly. He said vaguely: “Something like that, yeah”.

“I didn’t know you had a Quidditch practice today.” Sirius raised his eyebrow. “Actually, I saw McKinnon a little while ago and she didn’t look like she had been flying recently.”

“How do you know that?” James questioned.

“Because she was quite busy snogging D… Never mind that. This isn’t about her, this is about you. You weren’t actually hit by a bludger, were you?”

“Why are you such a scent hound today?” James countered.

“Because you’re acting weird and as your best friend it’s my duty to find out why,” Sirius stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Anyway, I just wanted to ask you if the map is in the dormitory? Pete thinks Mulciber and his lovely gang are up to something again and Regulus might also be involved somehow… I wanted to check if there’s any truth to that statement.”

“Yeah, it’s there in my bag…” James replied, feeling weirdly uninterested in Mulciber’s plans, his thoughts still in the girl in the Head’s Office.

“Alright, thanks.” James could see Sirius starting to walk towards the boys’ dorm. “Hey, Prongs?” A smirk spread on his face, making James feel rather suspicious.

“Yeah?”

“You were actually with Evans, weren’t you?”

James rolled his eyes. “What if I was? Of course I have to spend time with her because we are the Head Students. I’m working with her.”

“I bet you guys were working real hard, alright,” Sirius snorted.

“I’m pretending I didn’t hear that,” James remarked. “Besides, I wasn’t lying about the kitchens and the hospital wing. Here’s the proof.” He showed the basket he had gotten from the elves to Sirius’ mirror image.

“Oooh, now I get it. You were getting some food for a romantic date… and probably some contraceptive potion from Poppy…” Sirius’ grin only widened.

James’ face felt so hot he imagined he would have been able to cook eggs on it. “Get your mind out of your gutter, Padfoot. If you really must know, she wasn’t feeling too well while we were finishing some of our paperwork so I volunteered to help the girl out and get her some potion for the pain. That’s all.” He was happy he didn’t have to lie about that part.

“Alright, lover boy,” Sirius lifted his free hand in the air as a peace sign. “Well, you go continue your meeting with Evans, I have some Slytherin stalking to do.”

“Right. See ya.”

James put the mirror away and ran his hand through his hair. He could only hope that he wasn’t as obvious with his feelings as Sirius made it sound. Lily and he had only been friends for a couple of months and he most definitely didn’t want to ruin it by revealing that by the way, those feelings he had had during their 5th year had not gone anywhere; as a matter of fact they had only gotten stronger and more genuine as he had learned to know her better. James from the past few months had learned that there was much more to the mystery that was Lily Evans than he had ever realized, but that only made him more intrigued.

He couldn’t remain in his thoughts for long, though, because the girl in question was still waiting for the potion. Using some of the little known passages he and his friends had discovered during their nightly expeditions he made it back to the Head’s Office much faster than he would want to admit aloud.

When James entered the office, he found Lily up and trying to write a report for Dumbledore. She got some color on her cheeks when she realized he had caught her disobeying his orders to rest.

James folded his arms after he placed the basket on the desk. Before Lily had time to defend herself, he said: “Looks like someone is as bad at following orders as I am.” 

“Yeah. Sorry.” She attempted to give him an innocent smile. James wanted to stay annoyed with her a little longer, but he couldn’t.

“Lily, sometimes it’s OK to let other people help you. There’s two of us for a reason. So that one can step in if needed. You’d probably do the same for me, right? ‘Cause we’re a team.”

“Right. Yeah, I probably would,” she admitted.

“Well, now that that’s been clarified, I brought you some things.”

He emptied the desk from the parchment, throwing them into a drawer before handing Lily the potion. She didn’t chuck it down instantly, though.

“You’ve been so nice to me today. I have to be honest… I imagined you would be one of those guys who get squeamish at the simple mention of periods.”

James frowned. “Why would I be like that? There are girls in our Quidditch team; they always let me know when they’re not feeling like flying. Besides, we Quidditch players are pretty familiar with pain and blood for a variety of reasons, so…” he shrugged.

“Right,” Lily replied and drank her potion with a grimace. It seemed to have an effect pretty fast; the relief on her face was visible within moments.

“That’s better,” she sighed. “So, do you have food for us?”

“I do,” James grinned in response and started spreading the contents of the best onto the desk. Lily’s mouth opened when she figured he had brought her a full on picnic. Fruits, sandwiches, treacle tart, chocolate, ham pie…

“James…” Lily looked at him with wide eyes. “This is too much…”

“Nah. I don’t think so. You’re always prioritizing other people’s needs. I think it’s time you get something nice done in return. Besides… I’m not planning to let you eat all of this on your own,” he winked, grabbing a sandwich from a plate and stuffing it into his mouth with great gusto. 

Lily threw him an odd look he didn’t quite know how to interpret. Then she took a chocolate bar from the desk and made a contented little sigh as she took a bite from it. 

“We gotta make sure there will be a Hogsmeade weekend soon… My Honeydukes chocolate stock is stupidly empty.”

“Oh Evans,” James clicked his tongue disapprovingly. “If you ever need chocolate, just say the word and it’s yours.”

“What? But… we can’t just march to Hogsmeade whenever…?”

“Trust me, we Marauders have our ways.”

“Right. Of course you do,” she snorted. “More seriously speaking, though - and don’t make any Sirius jokes now…” (James put a hand on his chest in mock offense.) “Thanks, James. I’m lucky to have a co-Head like you.”

James smiled softly at her. “I could say the same to you.”

Just like that, the atmosphere in the room changed. For a moment James and Lily just kept staring at each other, not quite sure how to progress from there. James’ eyes traitorously flickered towards Lily’s lips, and when she instinctively moved a little closer, her hand reaching his, he found himself mimicking her movements. But just when their fingers intertwined, his eyes asking her a silent question, a Prefect from Hufflepuff popped in to ask something about their upcoming meeting. The moment between James and Lily was broken, but he still squeezed her hand once more.

“Are you feeling better now?”

Lily smiled at him, her face adorably flushed. “Yes. Much better.”

A/N: Please let me know what you think!! (Ps. yes, I guess I'm a bit mean, not letting them kiss, ahah)

#jily #james potter #lily evans #jilymicrofics #> 2000 words #my fics #jple #marauders

[saturnslastgoodbyes]

[^] How I feel like twst boys would react to you coming out as trans! [^] (Probably Ooc lmao)

[ Riddle Rosehearts. ]

-Ok?? So?? This doesn’t excuse you bitch get back to following the rules. Smh

-Jokes aside, he’d probably be somewhat confused, as I feel his mother might shelter him from that stuff, but after a bit of explanation. He’d probably be very supportive. Encouraging you on your new journey!

——

[ Leona Kingscholar. ]

-The hell that gotta do with him? He’s napping like, come out a different time or something.

-somewhat supportive, but still an asshole. Probably stumbles over the new pronouns sometimes since he’s so used to the others, but it’s somewhat sweet to see the grumpy lion trying so hard to respect who you are with correcting himself.

—

[ Azul Ashengrotto. ]

-I mean this in all seriousness, would probably ask you to work at Mostro Lounge during pride month for, ‘reputation and equality’. Dudes gotta get that bag.

-He’s somewhat surprised when you come out to him, but nods in understanding. Somewhat happy you trust him enough to tell him that, and feels a bit honoured.

——

[ Vil Schoenheit. ]

-Immediately new haircut, makeup, and hygiene routine. Your old clothes that give you dysphoria? Thrown out. Don’t worry about it, Vil will ever so graciously pay for you on a shopping trip to get new ones!

-Shows you all the proper ways to take care of yourself, we stan Vil in this household.

-He was surprised at first when you told him, but smiled warmly and simply said “In the closet for so many years, and yet your outfit choice is horrid.” Safe to say, your getting a new makeover until you feel happy and confident.

——

[ Kalim al Asim. ]

-Oh wow! He didn’t know his favourite person was a train!

-Really sweet. Happily talks to you about how handsome and masculine you are. Or how pretty and beautiful you look today! You’ll always be his friend no matter what gender, race, or species. And he’s making that clear!

——

[ Idia Shroud. ]

“Oh my god. That’s just like this new ssr character!”

Rambles about how cool you are, while gesturing with his hands rapidly. Generally was confused at first, got embarassed, and started sending you memes like ‘slay queen/king’ or, ‘Me when the testosterone kicks in.’

Sometimes Idia messes up your pronouns totally on purpose! He’ll go pink and panic, scrambling to get it through that he didn’t mean that. He’s slowly getting better at it though!

——

[ Malleus Draconia. ]

-Oh? Is this a new tradition within human realms? -Malleus is generally confused. Not understanding at all, but still being accepting. Your his child of man, after all.

-…Might get confused on if he should call you child of man, or child of woman..

-Sometimes, when you’re feeling dysphoric, he’ll offer a stroll out in the garden. Oh wow! It suddenly started raining, how romantic. (Sneaky bastard.)

—

[ A/N gonna kms. Lost my shenhe account 😭😭😭. Screaming crying kicking throwing up.]

#twisted wonderland #twst #riddle rosehearts #azul ashengrotto #vil schoenheit #leona kingscholar #transgender #I made this while multi-tasking a homework assignment god send me help #Malleus draconia #Idia shroud #Twisted wonderland x reader #Twisted wonderland imagines

[paradiqms]

to you, 2000 years from now.

hongjoong x fem!reader.

tags: angst, captain!hongjoong, royalty!reader, betrayals, misunderstandings, mentions of death, cruelty, fluff here n there, fantasy setting, strangers to lovers to enemies to..?

summary: after the death of your parents and near fall of your kingdom, you have no choice but to leave your first love in order to keep the kingdom in balance with you as the new ruler. years later, you see a familiar face - but instead of being in your arms, he's kneeling in front of the guillotine.

word count: 4,9k

currently, one out of ?

“must you follow me wherever i go?” the words intended for the young man tailing behind you fall much harsher than you wished from your lips, but you make no effort to show the growing guilt in your chest.

“of course, your highness.” the one who has been sticking to your side the whole morning answers. his voice cracks as he speaks, and you chuckle underneath your breath as your companion attempts to save his pride by coughing into his fist. “i am your guard, after all. so i –”

“have to protect me just in case anything goes wrong. i know, i know.” you cut the boy off, sighing tiredly afterwards. you’re met with silence instead of a reply, and for the nth time this morning, you feel bad.

“i apologize.” you mumble, opting to turn around and face the young man behind you. he’s taller than you despite being the same age. “i wished not to be so… impatient with you. i know this is simply your job as guard.”

a gentle smile grows on the boy’s pale lips – one that you have grown rather fond of during your several months with him as your personal guard. as much as you enjoy the act of understanding that his smile shows, you wish that he would be more stern with you. which is, unfortunately for you, a rather impossible thing to wish for.

“there’s no need to apologize, your highness.” your guard responds with the words that you expected him to say, and you feel your eye twitch ever so slightly.

“did i not tell you to stop calling me that when we’re alone, my dear yeonjun?” you frown, spitefully adding the name of your guard at the end of your sentence as if you emphasize your own words. yeonjun’s smile merely widens at the sight of your annoyance, which in return annoys you even further.

“i guess it’s my turn to apologize then, your high – ouch!” before he could finish his sentence, you reach up to smack the taller boy atop his head, the sound of his armor rattling as he attempts to soothe the growing ache you caused diminishing as you quickly walk away from your guard.

“silly boy.” you laugh quietly underneath your breath, turning around to see that you’ve lost sight of the brown haired boy clad in strong armor that didn’t suit his youthful look. once you’re sure that you’ve created enough distance from yeonjun, you slow down, coming to a leisure walk amongst the people within the town.

the sea of townsfolk seem not to recognize you, and for that you’re immensely grateful.

the last time you sneaked out of the palace and into town, a crowd of people had decided to follow you and give their greetings – some children even wanted to drag you home with them, insisting that you partake in their little ‘acting gig’ where they pretend to be knights in shining armor protecting the princess from pirates.

your role as the princess made it more realistic and fun, as the children had reasoned. yeonjun had to personally drag you away from the children to take you back to the palace.

this time, however, you decided to borrow an old dress from one of the servants instead of using one form your own closet to blend in with the townsfolk and avoid any attention, as well as a piece of cloth covering the lower half of your face. pretty common choice of ‘disguise’ for royals, but you didn’t have much to work with.

your ears catch the tune of an old folksong played on the familiar sound of a lyre amidst the constant chatter of people around you. several townsfolk seemed to have noticed the melody as well, their faces lighting up as they make their way further into the town square and nearer to the music. you tag along, smiling with excitement.

a crowd of people have gathered around the town square, surrounding a long-haired bard who’s reciting a story (or poem? you’re not quite sure) alongside the soothing melody that he plays on his lyre.

having always a deep interest in song and music despite your title, you find yourself lost within the tale that the bard sings.

oh, the ocean that carries the suffering of he,

who wanders the world to find the stars.

but oh, how he finds himself lost in she,

who has one too many scars.

the moon ties their destinies together,

so cruel, evil and unworthy to forgive.

for how can the cursed and the saint care for each other,

when the heavens have decided only one of them shall live.

with a final strum of his lyre, the bard ends his performance, relishing in the cheers of the crowd that surrounds him. his long hair falls from his shoulders as he bows to his audience.

you, however, aren’t so enthusiastic as you clap for the bard.

‘such a sad story.’ your mind speaks, an unfamiliar ache in your chest as the song repeats itself several times within the confines of your head.

you were far too engrossed with your own thoughts to notice someone quickly pushing their way through the audience, shoving away the townspeople left and right without seemingly a care in the world and leaving the crowd mumbling curses. the person shoves you aside as well, making you loose your balance and causing you to fall backwards onto the muddied ground.

just before you had the chance to curse at the stranger for their audacity, they cut you off.

“i’m so sorry – here, let me help you.” the person says, their words falling from their lips in such a rush to the point you probably wouldn’t have understood if they weren’t leaning down closely to you. you look up at the culprit who dared to shove you and your people away, and you notice how young he looks. he has an arm outstretched in hopes to help you stand back up, but before you could accept the offer, a loud voice shouts from amidst the sea of townsfolk around you.

“there he is, the thieving bastard! get him!”

the young man curses underneath his breath. he gives you a quick glance, his eyes conveying the apology he owes you before he runs off. you watch silently as a small group of other men make their way through the crowd in a way that’s rougher than how the boy earlier had done, sending more people toppling over their feet as they yell for the boy to stop running.

your eyes narrow. the boy was a thief, no doubt about it – and yet, he was kind enough to help you after accidentally causing your fall.

‘he’s a thief.’ you scold yourself, shaking your head in attempt to get rid of the way his hair shined under the sun and how soft his voice sounded when he apologized.

thieving is a crime. thieves are criminals, and the boy is a thief.  a criminal.why should you help him, right? right. you should keep yourself out of trouble and go back to your leisure stroll around the kingdom. don’t think about how young the thief looked like, and how he must have been stealing only to fend for himself – or maybe even his family. don’t think about it, damn it!

the crowd around you begins to scatter, the townspeople returning to their own work once the commotion died down, and you still haven’t gotten up. you turn around to look at the direction the boy ran off to.

you wonder what’s happening to him. has he escaped? have the other men caught up to him? what are they doing to him, if they have..?

“… ugh, fine.” you groan, forcing yourself onto your feet and running in the same way the thief headed off to. you pass several stalls and enter a dark alleyway, the messy prints on the mud underneath you serving as a guide to where the boy must have ran. without another thought, you follow the leads deeper into the alleyway.

you’re unsure of your own direction, head spinning from the amount of turns you’ve made, but judging from the sound of yelling that’s increasing in volume with every turn you make, you think you’re getting closer.

you slow yourself down from running once the loud shouts sound like they’re right around the corner. your heart beats furiously against your chest, and it nearly stops when you hear pained groans after the yelling stops.

“damn thief,” you hear the rough voice of a man in the alleyway to your right, and you slowly creep your way closer to peek by the wall. “think you could steal our hard earned gold coins just like that? fucking amateur.”

the man crouches down, and you cover your mouth to muffle a surprised gasp as the sight of the boy from earlier enters your sight.

he’s been beaten, badly so – his left eye is swollen and colored an ugly dark purple, blood oozing from several cuts on his youthful face and dripping from his nose. the man is lifting him up from his collar, and the boy doesn’t even try to fight back.

you wonder if he’s even able to, at this point.

“too bad the royal guards didn’t catch you first,” the man snarls at the boy, who doesn’t respond. “they would’ve given you a faster and less painful death than what i’m about to do.”

another man reaches for something on his belt, and even from the distance you’re standing at, you can catch the menacing glint of a dagger.

seconds before the man is about to stab the thief right in the chest, he feels something hard hit him at the back of his head.

“ow, what the hell?” the man curses before turning around with a scowl, and he’s met with the sight of you – standing a few feet away, arm trembling as you hold up a pebble above your head, threatening to throw it at the men in front of you.

“unhand him at once!” you shout, ignoring the fact that your voice is shaking. “i will – i will give you more gold coins than what he has stolen. just let him go.”

‘what are you saying?!’ your mind screams at you, knowing well enough that you didn’t bring a single gold coin or anything valuable with you on your stroll. since, y’know, this was just supposed to be a calming and nice stroll around the kingdom – not some rescue mission, damn it.

if the men don’t kill you, then yeonjun definitely will once he finds out what you’ve been up to.

you’re met with nothing but the sound of silence and your own heartbeat in your ears, until one man decides to break it by roughly dropping the thief onto the ground. you wince as you watch how his head thuds on the floor.

“he stole my entire life savings worth of gold coins, girl.” the man says, grabbing the dagger from the other man into his own clenched fist as he slowly approaches you. “you’ve gotta be one of the royals if you’re gonna give me more than that.”

how ironic, you muse to yourself. you take in a deep breath to calm yourself down as you wait in silence for the man to come closer, and you let it go in the form of a scared whimper as you feel the sharp end of the dagger against your stomach.

“so?” the man growls. “where’s the coins, stupid little girl?”

oh, damn it all to hell.

you meet the mans glare with one of your own as you straighten yourself up, tossing away the pebble you were previously holding to take off the cloth covering the lower half of your face.

“in the palace, you ruffian. want me to send it to you by carriage tomorrow?” you spit out, and you feel the dagger move away from your stomach as the man’s eye widen.

“princess?” he staggers back. you notice how the other men behind him tense up as well.

“i – we – i apologize, your highness. i had no idea–”

“save it.” you interrupt, and the man quickly presses his lips into a thin line. “leave, before i report you to the guards and make you spend your entire life in the dungeons for threatening the princess.”

the man mumbles out something under his breath as he scurries off with his head hung low, the other men tailing after him and muttering apologies to you as they pass. once they’re all out of sight, you let out a heavy breath that you’ve been holding.

your knees are shaking and your heart feels like it’s about to fall out of your chest, but you bear it no mind as you hurriedly make your way to the boy who’s still laying down on the dirty ground at the end of the alleyway, his pained groans reaching your ears.

“hey,” you crouch down to him once you’ve fixed back the cloth over your face. “can you hear me? hello?”

the boy merely groans again.

“alright, let’s get you somewhere else.” you mumble, reaching over to lift one of the boys arm to wrap them around your shoulder as your own arm supports him, slowly lifting him up from the ground. fortunately for you, he’s not that heavy.

the thief lets out another pained groan as you drag him along with you out of the alleyway, his head falling forward and swaying around with every shaky step you take. soon enough, you’re out of the dirty alleyways and you arrive at a small, isolated building that stands alone at the edge of the town.

a small sign swings and squeaks from the wind above your head as you stand atop the three steps of stairs leading to the front door. you knock twice.

a moment passes before the door creaks open ever so slightly, and you can barely make out the eyes that stare at you from behind the door due to the darkness from inside the building.

“state your business.” a croaky, low voice comes from the person behind the door. you clear your throat before speaking.

“apologies for the sudden intrusion,” you mumble. “but the stars need your help to shine again.”

the eyes within the darkness widen, and the door slams shut in your face. you wait patiently as the sound of multiple locks being opened from within the building reaches your ears. the door swings open again, and you’re met with a familiar hunched figure of an old lady clad in a black clothing and white hair that grows pass her torso.

“the stars will shine brighter for you,” the old woman steps aside for you to step in, bowing her head as you make your way inside. “your highness.”

“and they will remain so, for eternity.” you mutter out the last part of the secret phrase your parents taught you when you were younger, offering a gentle smile to the lady before she locks up the door again.

the phrase was created by the royals before your generation, serving as a secret code between the royal family and a select few when they are in need of some dire help. back when your kingdom was caught in terrible war, the royal family couldn’t afford to be vulnerable out in the open where enemies and spies could be anywhere, waiting for the moment to take them down.

despite the kingdom has been in wonderful peace for the last 70 years, the royal family still teaches their young regarding the phrase. this is the first time you’ve used it yourself, even though you thought it would be useless when your mother had introduced it to you during your younger years.

“it’s quite a surprise to see you here, dear princess.” the old lady gestures to you once she’s done with all the locks and bolts on the front door. you blink your eyes a few times to adjust your sight in the darkness of the room, the only source of light present being the fireplace that crackles behind you.

“i know,” you admit, earning a fond chuckle from the lady. “but i didn’t know where else to go. i, uh, need some help.” you adjust the boy that’s leaning against you as if to emphasize on your words, and he lets out a low whine in response.

“i can see that.” the lady smiles knowingly before ushering you to come closer. you do so, and she places a gently hand on your back.

“place the lad on one of the beds upstairs, i will prepare some medicine for him and a cup of tea for you.” before you could protest to her last few words, she pushes you towards the flight of spiral stairs that leads to the second floor and quickly walks off to the kitchen.

‘same creepy old lady even after all these years.’ you think to yourself, remembering the first time you encountered her alongside your father when you were a mere little girl. your father wished to introduce you to her – isolde, if you remember her name correctly – as one of the royal family’s trusted few. apparently, during her youth, she had helped the former kings and queens seek refuge within her home at times of war or simple hardship, and she remains true to her duties till this day.

you carry the thief up the stairs with much effort, the wooden steps creaking loudly to the point you wince at the noise, afraid the steps might break in half at any moment. the fact that the dim lighting from the dusty windows on the wall is the only thing keeping you from tripping and falling on the stairs does not help, either.

once you arrive at the top of the stairs and into the second floor, you’re met with a bit more adequate lighting thanks to the lamps on the wall. you push open one of the doors leading to a spacious bedroom, the creaking noises making you shudder. does isolde never oil her doors?

carefully, you place the thief onto the queen sized bed in the middle of the room, watching him lay down on the soft mattress as you stretch your back with a loud groan. you swear you can hear your bones cracking.

“hah, this is the first and last time i’m carrying someone so far.” you complain. obviously, the thief doesn’t respond, and you’re starting to worry. all this while he’s been really quiet other than the occasional groans he makes. can he even speak anymore, you wonder? is he too weak to speak? did the ruffians break with voice box?

“…hey.” you reach out to the boy, gently shaking him by the shoulder. “how are you feeling? are you okay?”

you receive no response. your heart sinks.

“hey, don’t you dare die on me after i carried you here!” you shake the boy harder, this time with your hands on both of his shoulders as you lean over his body from the side of the bed. “c’mon, please say something, anything at all.”

a moment passes by. you notice how the boy’s lips are parting, as if he’s trying to finally say something, and you wait in anticipation.

“thank… you.” he croaks out. you blink, leaning back in mild surprise before smiling down at him from behind the cloth that covers the lower half of your face.

“don’t mention it,” you respond. “i’m glad you’re alive. i have to take my leave now, please rest well.”

before you could remove your hands from the boy’s shoulders, he catches one of your wrists in his hold, surprising you.

“come… visit,” he speaks, gently squeezing onto your wrist. “next time… please.”

and so you do.

you visit the boy during his stay at isolde’s house, time after time. you come to learn that his name is hongjoong – a young man who comes from a poor family consisting of his parents, his older brother, and himself. he resorted to thieving when his family couldn’t afford to buy food to support themselves anymore. he admitted that he hated stealing during one of your talks with him during a rainy night, and that he could’ve easily fought back against the ruffians who beat him that day, but decided not to.

“i deserved it,” hongjoong had said that night, teeth sinking into the apple isolde gave him. “i’d be lying if i said i don’t feel bad for stealing.”

you didn’t respond to him as you sat next to each other on the queen sized bed, but your heart broke.

frankly, you didn’t know how to respond. how could you, when you’ve been born into a lineage of royalty? how could you say anything to the young man who has betrayed his own morals to fend for his family, when you had feast upon feast each day within the castle walls?

“joong,” you spoke up after a moment, the nickname you made for the boy falling easily from your lips as if you had known him for years. “do you know who i am?”

hongjoong had looked at you weirdly, raising his eyebrow in question as he took another bite into his apple.

“uh, obviously?” he replied as he chewed. you had smiled at how adorable he looked. “you’re byeol, the dumb girl who could’ve gotten herself killed while trying to save me.”

byeol. you feel a muscle in your face twitch. you had given him a fake, random name that first came to your mind when he asked during one of your first talks together. you were already quite suspicious as he didn’t recognize who you are when you didn’t cover your face one day, but you initially brushed it off as some kind of short-term memory loss due to the beating he got.

but weeks passed, and he still doesn’t have a clue on who you are. that’s when you knew he was lying about one thing to you.

hongjoong is not from your kingdom, despite him telling stories of how he is.

it bothered you a bit at the start, but then you came to realize it’s quite refreshing to have someone be clueless on your identity – to have someone be naturally them, with no titles and no courtesies.

so you decided to lie to him too.

“yeah,” you flashed him a smile. “that’s me, i’m byeol.”

weeks turned into months, and you’re beginning to see hongjoong every day now ever since he recovered entirely from his injuries. since you’re adamant on keeping your identity a secret to him, you’ve convinced your parents to leave you out from anything that involved showing your face to the public as princess. they questioned you once, and you responded with a simple shrug, leaving the conversation afterwards. your parents didn’t question you again during the following days.

you’ve also started sneaking out of the palace every night to meet up with hongjoong, with the guards (including yeonjun, thankfully) either asleep in their own homes or asleep whilst they’re on duty, making your job so much easier.

“glad i’m out of that haunted house,” the light haired boy shivers as he sits beside you, the soft candlelight offering its shine to illuminate his features before your eyes. “did you know she peeks into my room in the middle of the night sometimes? creepy old lady, i swear –”

“isolde’s just making sure you’re okay, idiot.” you nudge against him roughly, making him almost fall off the small bed the two of you are currently sitting on.

“okay, but that doesn’t make it any less creepier!” hongjoong protests, and you throw your head back with a loud laugh at how genuinely scared he seems to be around isolde.

hongjoong smiles ever so fondly as he watches you laugh on his small bed inside his cramped room. well, it’s not quite a room, honestly – it’s more of an attic that sits on top of one of the taller buildings within the kingdom that he turned into his own little space, filling it up with numerous books and papers scribbled with poems that express his feelings.

most of them were made for you, but he won’t tell you that. at least not now.

in his hands is another piece of parchment, already crumpled from the way he’s practically gripping onto it nervously.

“she’s a sweet lady if you get to know her more, really.” you wipe away a stray tear that fell from your eye from laughing so hard before leaning backwards against the wall behind you, the funny feeling of prickly wood against your back.

“uh, right,” you giggle at the way hongjoong scrunches his nose when he speaks. “but enough of her – let’s talk about something else.”

you straighten yourself up at hongjoong’s words, a smile on your lips as you’re eager to hear what he has in store for you. you know he enjoys writing in his free time, judging by his works that he has pasted on the walls of his room as well as the ones stacked on his small work table, and it makes you admire him more.

you wish, oh how you wish, that you could live as free as him. a part of you envies the young man and his freedom, all while you’re tied to responsibility ever since your birth. as the first and only child of the king and queen, you’re expected to rule over the kingdom once you’re of age, and it’s the only thing you’ve ever known.

until you met hongjoong. dear, dear hongjoong who doesn’t have a single clue on who you are and expects absolutely nothing from you - except for you to laugh at his lame dad jokes, dance with him in the rain until the both of you are sneezing away the next day, and cheer for him once he’s done reciting another one of his poems.

“what do you have this time, oh dear poet?” you look at the light haired boy expectantly. hongjoong is grateful that the only source of light in his room is the little candle next to his bed, so you won’t be able to see how red his face is right now.

with a dramatic clear of his throat that makes you chuckle, hongjoong straightens out the paper in his hands before reading the words that contain his whole heart within the letters.

my dear starlight, oh how you’ve shined your way into my life,

so bright and beautiful, the north star that leads me home.

one day, i wish to call you my wife,

and to be together for the longest of eternities that the universe has ever known.

“joong, oh my god–”

“i’m not done yet, dearest.”

“okay!”

hongjoong’s laughter sounds like bells in your ears. you gesture him to keep going despite the fact that you feel like you’re about to explode, and he continues.

may our love last, past the final breaths of the immortals,

until even the sun and moon have met their dues.

for with you by my side, not a moment feels dull,

and i will say the words that i have only said to very few…

“i love you.” hongjoong breathes out the last words quietly, eyes leaving the paper in his hands to look at you with hope in his eyes; he’s surprised to see tears in yours.

“hey, oh my god, please don’t–”

the young man is unable to finish his sentence when you lean in to catch his lips in a kiss, uncaring towards the slightly salty taste from the tears that fall from your eyes as he wraps his arms around your figure to pull you closer.

you lean against him, fingers gently carding through the tangles in his light hair as you pour your whole heart into the kiss, where hongjoong gladly accepts it all, feeling as if he’s drowning from your affection. his hands wander around to slip underneath the thin material of your top, cold fingers meeting your warm sides and making you shiver in his arms.

you’re the first to pull away and catch your breath. hongjoong keeps his attention on your lips for a moment before gazing into your eyes, and he can’t grasp how beautiful you look even with the simple fire that blazes on the wick of the candle beside his bed.

“… does this mean you love me too?” hongjoong breathes out, earning himself a slap on his shoulder from you.

“of course, idiot.” you grin, heart softening impossibly so as you watch how hongjoong smiles back at you, seemingly satisfied with your answer.

“then i wish you’d really stay with me for the longest of eternities, starlight.”

you hum, allowing yourself to lay down against hongjoong’s chest as he caresses your hair, the feeling of his gentle hands playing with your locks lulling you to sleep.

“anything for you, joong.” you mumble, falling into slumber with a smile on your lips. “anything for you.”

for the first time in your life, you fall asleep outside the palace walls and in the arms of your love.

as you listen to the sound of hongjoong’s beating heart, you fail to hear the sobs of the heavens.

next.

#ateez fic #hongjoong x you #hongjoong x reader #hongjoong fic #hongjoong angst #ateez angst #hongjoong fluff #ateez x reader #ateez x you #man who am i kidding there's minimal fluff here #i love pain #captain joong make monkey brain go brrr #got weirdly inspired after taking the soldier poet king quiz #another king who wanted poet whos with me

[stateofcharles]

you're safe here - LH44

pairing: Lewis Hamilton x female bi!reader 

word count: ~1,6k 

warnings: it's quite fluff, mention of cheating, biphobia, violence, one (1) slut-shaming term

summary: You accidentally come out to Lewis, but he reveals himself as the sweetest and most caring boyfriend ever.

a/n: ok this is my first ever fic here and first ever in f1 fandom, i  a m  a n x i o u s. no ok seriously i wanted so badly to publish something since my head is full of ideas and i finally took the courage yay! -ngl i will probably regret this in 10 minutes but let’s pretend everything is fine and i’m the most confident person ever. this is about sir hamilton because, well, why not? moreover, it’s pride month and as a bi closeted person i needed to seek comfort somehow and i thought, who’s better than lewis for this role? also, the first part of the questioning story is basically mine, of how i got to know i’m bi, while the following part of dating and the one about the family situation & reaction is completely made up. one last thing: english isn’t my first language, sorry if there are mistakes, i tried my best <3

You and Lewis had been dating for some months when the subject came up, accidentally during a night at his place.

You were watching a film that he had randomly picked on Netflix but neither of you was paying attention to the TV screen, too busy making out passionately on the couch. 

After a while Lewis broke his kisses, apologizing, “Sorry babe, gotta fill the juice jag, I’m too thirsty.”

While he walked towards the kitchen, you paid heed of the screen for the first time that night, and you were immediately impressed by the female main character. “My God!”, you exclaimed, “This is Pam!”

Lewis, attracted by your exclamation, came back to the living room with the jar in his hand. “Everything ok hun?” he questioned. Then he noticed your eyebrows raised and your gaze stuck at the screen. “Wanna change the film? Is there something wrong?”

Absentmindedly you answered, “Don’t worry Lew, it’s just… this actress is the spitting image of that asshole of my ex-girlfriend.”

You noticed too late what you had just said, immediately covering your face with your hands and sighing at the realization of your words. You weren’t ashamed of who you were, but your experience had taught you that not everyone was so understanding.

After a couple of minutes, you found the strength to lift your head up and look at your boyfriend. You expected him to stare at you weirdly or disgusted. Instead, you met his sweet eyes which were looking at you with… sympathy?

“Ended badly, didn’t it?” He asked, his voice softer than ever.

You were astonished. Was he really OK with that? Why hadn’t he already left?

“Lewis, are you serious?” you asked, still not believing that absurd situation.

“What?” he frowned, “Is there any problem?”

“Uhm… yes?” you answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “I’ve basically just come out to you, I accidentally told you that I like girls as well and you have nothing to say?”

“And what should I exactly say?” he asked, still not breaking eye contact.

“I don’t know, maybe that I’m weird? That you want to break up with me because you’re afraid I will cheat on you out of nowhere? That you’re disgusted by me?” You were on the verge of tears and Lewis had noticed it, because he rushed towards the sofa, immediately hugging you tightly and leaving soft kisses on the top of your head while you let the first tears escape from your eyes.

“Y/N, I don’t know why you have just said such horrible things about yourself, I don’t know who made you believe them, but I swear that this doesn’t change a thing between us. You’re still the same, this is just a part of you, a beautiful part of you that I’m glad you shared with me, even if unconsciously.” As soon as you heard his words, your tears only fell harder; you couldn’t believe he was real.

You kept hugging him and he didn’t push you away. His arms comforted you, you could spend your whole life in them. It felt like an hour when you let him go and you curled yourself on the couch. 

Sometime later, Lewis spoke again. “I don’t want to force you if you’re not ready or you don’t want to, but I’d like you to know that I’m here and I’m not going away anytime soon. If you need a shoulder to lean on, I’m here to listen. If you want to share your story, I won’t judge you.”

God, this man! You were sure he was an angel. No one had ever been that kind to you.

“I-” the words struggled to leave your throat, but you took a deep breath and looked him straight in the eyes. “I have never been educated to heterosexuality in my family: my parents always taught me that two men or two women can have a relationship which is exactly the same as one had by a man and a woman. Though I realised that I was bisexual when I was 16. I had feelings for a friend of mine and I firstly thought it was just normal friendship, but soon I understood that it was more. After a while that crush disappeared but I couldn’t ignore what I had just lived. At first I thought I was lesbian but… I still was attracted to boys, I even had a boyfriend for a while and I liked him for real. So I took one of those tests online, you know those ‘Are you gay?’ quizzes” 

You saw him nodding, the soft gaze hadn’t faded yet.

“And the result said “You’re bisexual”. I couldn’t accept it, it felt like there wasn't an answer still. It sounded like a fake definition to use when you are uncertain. But then one day I took courage and I asked my mum if she knew what bisexuality was, and surprisingly she came out to me as bi, then explaining me the meaning. And at that point I couldn’t help but cry and-” Other tears started spilling from your eyes and Lewis wiped them away with his thumb.

“Sorry Lew, it’s just – this is a very emotional moment in my life, and I always cry when I tell it.”

The boy looked sweetly at you, “Don’t worry sweetie, whenever you feel OK.”

You took another breath and continued. “I came out to my mum that day, or sorta. I told her that I thought I was bisexual, and from that day she helped me a lot through my questioning until I came out to my entire family that Christmas. And their response was so positive that I thought the worst had passed, because I had heard so many stories of people who had been rejected by their families, while I had been so lucky.”

Lewis muttered in response, “But I guess the worst was yet to come, right?” he said, trying to ease the tension a bit. You laughed lightly, and nodded.

“After a couple of years I started dating Pam, my first proper girlfriend, and we had been together for more than 3 years when she cheated on me with another girl from her work. I wasn’t hoping for her to be my forever and ever, but it still hurt, a lot. It was also the first time someone had cheated on me.” Remembering those moments still made you angry, and you clenched your fists to try to calm down.

“Then I started dating a boy, Evan, and the subject ‘I’m bi’ came up after more than a year. I hadn’t told him because I didn’t think it was necessary at that time. That day, he had heard my brother saying that he had met ‘your ex Pam’ at the supermarket. Evan started shouting at me, yelling that I was just a whore, I was just seeking attention and intercourses and that I would cheat on him at any time. I tried to defend myself but I didn’t know how to answer and-” You started sobbing, Lewis took your hand. “He was going to beat me but fortunately my brother stepped in and kicked him out of our house, but I’ve never really recovered from it.”

“I’m so sorry for everything you went through babe, I wish I had already met you to defend you.” Lewis whispers, hugging you and caressing your back.

You untangled the hug, wiping away the tears. “I tried to date other people after that, but the fear of being cheated on mixed with the fear of people not accepting my sexuality has always held me back.” 

And then you decided to be completely honest with him, revealing even the last bit of your soul to the beautiful man in front of you. “You are my first proper partner in a while” it was just a whisper at the beginning, but then you raised your voice a little. “It’s been a while since I dated someone, like seriously. And I didn’t tell you about this because I was scared the whole Evan story would happen again. But I swear Lewis, I really like you, I’m sorry for not having been honest with you since the beginning.”

You lowered your head, feeling slightly ashamed. But Lewis put two fingers under your chin and lifted your face. “Hey Y/N, it’s fine, OK? I’m glad you’ve felt comfortable enough with me to share your experience. I understand your fears but I promise you I will try my best to always show you that you can trust me and that you’re safe here. If I can help you in any way please tell me, fine? I really want to support you, maybe you can suggest me some sources to know more about bisexuality?”

He was clearly nervous; you could tell by the way he started playing with his rings. He was afraid he had gone too far with that last question. You, on the contrary, were amazed by the man in front of you. Was he real? You weren’t having hallucinations, were you?

You practically threw yourself on him, leaving small kisses all over his face. “Do you know you’re the perfect man?” You asked him, you still couldn’t believe he was there, with you. “I’m the luckiest girl ever, of course I have sources, but please don’t feel forced to do so. I-”

He interrupted you before you could even start the sentence. “I don’t wanna hear it, shhh.” He placed his index finger over your lips, grinning. “I care about you and you only. I want to be as present as I can in this, you’re not alone anymore, fine?”

Finally convinced and happier than ever, you nodded, hugging Lewis tightly again. You leaned your head on his chest, his heartbeat lulling you to sleep. You closed your eyes, all the tears you had cried had tired you and you only wanted to sleep. Lewis noticed it, placed you on his lap with your head still over his heart, and the last thing you could remember was his whisper, “Sleep Y/N, I’m here to protect you now.”

#lewis hamilton #lewis hamilton imagine #lewis hamilton one shot #lewis hamilton x reader #lewis hamilton x you #lewis hamilton fic #lewis hamilton fanfic #f1 #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #f1 x y/n #f1 x reader #lewis hamilton drabble #lewis hamilton fluff #f1 drabble #f1 fandom #formula 1 imagine #formula 1 #formula 1 fanfic #beh writes

[arachine]

i just feel like eddie would be the type of boyfie who takes extra care of you when you’re on your period. like he’s already so attached to you by the hip, that he’s got the protocol for the first day of your cycle down pact :(

heavy flow on first day? not to fret, because he’s got a bathroom closet full of menstrual products (i.e day time pads, night time pads, tampons—whatever you want, he’s got it). and don’t even get me started on the heating pad; it’s already plugged up to the wall, sitting idly on his bed with your name on it.

and i just know he’d have a little stash of snacks under his bed for this time of the month, and he’d pride himself on getting it restocked whenever your favorites were running low :((

the whole time you’re at his house, he makes sure you’re comfortable. got back pain? he’s massaging it out. sore titties? he’s massaging them too + he’d even offer to lift them up for you to relieve that pressure! and the cuddles after are just so good. you definitely knock out after a few minutes of him cooing into your ear, paired with the cool touch of his fingertips as he massages your scalp.

i don’t doubt that the other st men would be good bfs during your cycle, but he’s definitely the only ones who goes above and beyond when it comes to you and your comfort >.<

#‹ ୭̥⋆*｡ 𝐬𝐮𝐠𝐚𝐫 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 ૮ ๑ˊᯅˋ๑ ა .ᐟ ๑՞. › #eddie munson x reader fluff #eddie munson fluff

[forabeatofadrum]

Ljubim te (24/24) - complete

Notes: And here we are, almost 7 months late! The Klaine Advent 2022 is complete! Time for cheese 🧀!

AO3 | S&C  

–  

BURST

“I love you.”

Blaine’s looking at Kurt with a shocked look on his face. Kurt, on the other hand, isn’t surprised.

“I know,” he says back and Blaine relaxes, “I love you too.”

It’s been known for weeks. They even loved each other before they started dating, but it’s the first time they’ve said it out loud. Kurt knows it is a big deal for Blaine to say it, though.

“I love you, I love you,” Blaine repeats with a smile and Kurt can’t help but giggle. It’s adorable how Blaine just revels in the fact that he can say that he wholeheartedly loves Kurt.

“And I love you too!”

“Now go,” Blaine basically pushes Kurt away, which is fine. Kurt needs to get ready for the first performance. Blaine, Tadeja, Sunil and some people Kurt’s met during classes and during Metelkova parties are in the audience. Blaine is also making a lot of photos to send to Kurt’s family and friends back home.

Kurt knows that he doesn’t have the biggest part in Ulica, but he’s worked hard on it and he’s proud.

Later, after the show, it’s a whirlwind of people. Everyone comes to congratulate Kurt. It is exhilarating. He knows his time at the University of Ljubljana isn’t over yet, but this feels like such a final moment. Kurt celebrates with his castmates, crew members and teachers. He answers Tadeja’s questions about the show and Sunil gives him a congratulatory hug as well. Even his dad is here in some way, since he’s calling through FaceTime. Blaine holds the phone with a huge smile.

Kurt also feels amazing every time he watches Blaine and his dad interact. They like each other a lot, which is great. Since Blaine is still semi-closeted, Kurt hasn’t told anyone else back home that he’s dating again, but he’s happy that they told Kurt’s dad.

After a lot of post-show talk and celebration, Kurt and Blaine can finally leave. Kurt reaches for Blaine’s hand and Blaine lets him.

Together, they walk to Blaine’s apartment.

--

“I love you.”

Kurt kisses Blaine as a response. It’s Pride in Ljubljana and it feels so great to be able to kiss Blaine like this. The queer community has emerged from the shadows and it’s taken over the city.

People cheer and hoot when they see it. It’s freeing. It’s validating. Fuck, Kurt loves Pride and Blaine’s also growing to love it. It’s more low-key compared to Pride in New York, but that doesn’t matter. All that matters is that they’re here.

“I love you too,” Kurt says against Blaine’s lips, because he cannot resist the temptation to say it back, even though he doesn’t have to. Blaine knows Kurt loves him.

Blaine slings his arm around Kurt’s shoulder and they go back to watching the parade. There are so many people here and one of the many beautiful things of Pride is that it showcases the diversity of the community. Kurt and Blaine wave their small rainbow flags to the passing parade. Pride is a party and a protest, and it’s cool that it can be both.

“Thank you, by the way,” Blaine says in Kurt’s ear.

“For what?”

“For showing me this.”

“Oh Blaine, they are hard to miss,” Kurt laughs.

Blaine nods.

“True, but I am not certain I would be standing here if I hadn’t met you. I would probably cower in my apartment.”

It’s weird to think what would’ve happened if Kurt and Blaine hadn’t met, since this life that they have right now is the life they want.

“Well then, you’re welcome,” Kurt says and he squeezes Blaine’s hand on Kurt’s shoulder. Together, they enjoy the rest of the festivities.

--

“I love you.”

Kurt leans against Blaine. They’re watching the sunset from the Ljubljana castle. Tadeja had recommended it, and she was so right.

“I love you too,” Kurt says back.

He holds Blaine’s hands and together they wait for the sun to go down. The sky is especially beautiful today. It’s cloudy, but the clouds reflect the sunlight so the sky has a red and orange glint to it. Kurt and Blaine are high up, since the castle is situated on a hill, appropriately called Castle Hill.

There’s a lot to see at the Ljubljana Castle, so Kurt and Blaine will definitely come back for more, but right now, sitting on a blanket in the grass, against the castle walls, watching the sun go down is enough.

--

“I love you!”

It’s become an easy thing to say. Blaine just told Kurt that he loves him because Kurt chose the right flavour of ice cream for him.

“I love you too,” Kurt says as he hands the glass with the ice cream to Blaine.

Blaine was waiting for him outside, together with Tadeja. Kurt and Sunil got the ice cream. The location of VIGÒ is perfect, since they have a view on Prešeren Square.

“Here’s to the end of the academic year,” Sunil raises his glass.

“Cheers!”

“How do you say cheers in Slovene?” Blaine asks Tadeja.

“Na zdravje, which translates to ‘To your health’,” Tadeja answers.

“Na zdravje!” everyone says and Tadeja smiles through the mispronunciations.

“To be fair, we’re eating, so we should be saying-”

“Dober tek!” Kurt cuts in. He knows that one. You can learn it at DA BU DA.

“Correct, but cheers sounds so much more celebratory,” Sunil adds, “And that’s what we’re doing. Kurt and I are celebrating another successful academic year, and Blaine and Tadeja can celebrate a great first year of business.”

It’s true. Blaine’s shook enough hands to make great connections throughout Europe. Kurt knows that Blaine is still a bit bummed that he didn’t get to do more, but it’s a start. Once Blaine leaves, Tadeja will take over and Blaine’s incredibly happy with it, especially since Dejan was also aiming for the job.

Kurt and Sunil have also submitted their final grades to their home institutions. The academic year isn’t officially done yet, since in Ljubljana, the academic calendar goes from October 1st to September 30th, but most internationals try to finish earlier in order to get everything in order..

Therefore, Sunil is right and they can all celebrate.

“To Ljubljana,” Blaine adds to the little celebration, and everyone cheers to that.

--

“I love you.”

“Well, Blaine, Paris is the city of love,” Kurt says with a laugh.

Kurt still cannot believe that it is so easy to travel to other countries. Blaine convinced Kurt to use the interrail, which means you can visit many big cities in Europe by train. It’s a big and extensive trip, but it is so worth it.

They’re in Paris now. Kurt’s always wanted to see it and he’s happy to have Blaine by his side. As Kurt said, it is the city of love.

--

“Ljubim te z vsem srcem.”

Kurt was about to take a bite of his pizza slice, but now he gives Blaine a curious but confused look. He knows Blaine just spoke Slovene to him, but the two of them never properly learnt the language. They’ve picked up some words here and there, but Kurt’s not certain that he’s ever even spoken a full sentence in Slovene.

Blaine gives Kurt a knowing look. He likes that he gets to puzzle Kurt.

“Do I get a hint?” Kurt asks.

“I say it all the time in English, kind of,” Blaine says.

“Kind of?”

“I added something,” Blaine says, “Or actually, Tadeja added something. I asked for her help.”

“You did?”

Blaine nods happily.

“I’ve been practising this sentence for a while!”

“And why tell me now?” Kurt asks, fishing for another hint.

“Because this is where we first met,” Blaine says. They’re indeed at Ljubljanski dvor. It’s been a while since they had pizza. Even without Boni, Ljubljana has a lot to offer, so they’ve been going to a lot of other places.

“So, it’s a sentimental saying?” Kurt asks, “Am I warm?”

“Warmer, I think, but also not. I mean, I don’t think it is inherently sentimental. Sentimental means that it’s something from the past.”

“Okay, it’s a current thing?”

Blaine nods. He looks like he’s about to burst into laughter from happiness and that’s when Kurt realises. He feels silly for not realising sooner, but really, he doesn’t know Slovene.

“I love you too,” Kurt says with a smile. This man is ridiculous. “What did you add?”

“It means I love you with all my heart!”

“Yeah?”

“My heart and my brain and my everything!” Blaine says, “I didn’t ask Tadeja for translations for those things.”

“I love you with all my heart, brain and everything too.”

Kurt puts his hand on the small table. Blaine gets the hint and he puts his over Kurt’s. Kurt loves that Blaine is such a cheesy romantic. Blaine’s said before that he didn’t realise it either, but to be fair, he’d never been in love before.

It’s a good thing that Blaine came to Ljubljana.

Studying here is already the best choice of Kurt’s life.

Speaking of the city.

“Did you know that some believe that Ljubljana is named Ljubljana after the Slavic word ljub, which means to love?” Kurt says.

Blaine looks pleasantly surprised.

“Really?”

Kurt nods happily. He found out when he first moved to Ljubljana. Someone at the university mentioned it during a tour of the city. Kurt didn’t really think much of it back then, but he’s always remembered it, because he thought it was cute. He still thinks so.

Kurt really didn’t expect to find love, but he did.

“Fitting, isn’t it?” Kurt says, “How do you say I love you in Slovene again?”

“Ljubim te,” Blaine answers.

“Well, I ljubim te you too!” Kurt says back.

Blaine laughs.

“You know, I don’t think that’s how you say it, but the sentiment is the same.”

It is. This city has given all of them so much and Kurt knows it will always have a little place in his heart. Only a little bit, though, because most of it is reserved for Blaine.

--

End notes: Hooray! We made it! 🇸🇮

I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it, and I hope you guys will have a chance to visit Ljubljana one day. I also want to go back, but alas. In the meantime, let me redirect you to the Slovenian Glossary, which discusses all the places that were mentioned in this fic. Here’s also a masterpost for this fic.

Thank you all for following along, or if you’re reading this after I’ve finished, then hi, hello! Thank you for reading. See you for the next Advent!

#klaineadvent #klaine advent 2022 #klaine advent #klaine #glee #holy fuck I wrote #2023 #multichaptered #klaine advent: burst

[jewishbarbies]

Hey so I'm the anon from earlier with the long essay about the closeting thing and sorry I came across very angry but it wasnt directed at you as much as everyone in general who say queer celebs have a jollie good time in hollywood being queer and don't need beards because all's well in utopia and that frustrates me and I directed it at you which I shouldn't have

But I still stand by the general opinions I said and honestly, if you ask me about taylor, I am queer and when I hear her lyrics, I feel quite strongly that certain songs couldn't have been written unless she has experienced some deep longing for a woman. But what a lot of ppl seem to think is that just because she might be queer means she is a good person and that simply is not true. I mean look at Ellen DeGeneres. She is very gay and she is also an asshole. Taylor Swift, in my view, is very much an Ellen kinda queer

And her being queer doesn't erase her racism, her anti-Semitism, her white feminism none of it. I just think we can criticise her without saying she "queerbaits" because sexuality is not something that exists in a box like a costume that people can just try on. Sexuality is not a political thing, it's human nature. If you ask me, none of us are probably totally straight and I understand that there's a lot of heteronormative societal structures that prevent people from understanding this but when it comes down to biology, it's really as simple as that. That's why i do loathe the accusations being leveled these days at real people for queerbaiting because that's not the definition of queerbaiting nor has it ever been.

And I think if she chooses to be closeted, she is going to behave like a closeted, publicly straight artist like many others do. I also don't think she chooses to hide because she is afraid of discrimination but I think it's cos she is so attached to her fame and the attention she gets from dating men, she wouldn't sacrifice it by revealing certain truths about herself. She is too narcissistic for that imo

There's no shortage of problematic things taylor has done without needing to bring up the sexuality aspect that's all

Sorry this got long, I've had this on my mind for a while now

that very well could be true about her, but as long as she identifies as straight I’m going to also identify her as straight and I feel like it’s leaning into problematic territory not to. she could’ve felt something for a woman at some time in her life but still identifies as straight. I don’t think we’ll ever know and frankly it’s none of our business. all you should know is what she tells you, and she’s straight up told us that she’s straight in interviews. so no matter what she writes about, I’m not saying OR speculating that she could be anything else. I think that’s the biggest issue with saying not to speculate is that most people still speculate anyway to some degree, and it just needs to stop. you’re more than welcome to hear her music however you hear it and have the opinions you have. but as far as taylor specifically is concerned, she identifies as straight.

the way I view the queerbaiting situation with taylor specifically, is there’s taylor the person and Taylor™️ the brand. Taylor™️ the brand makes money. she can be whatever she wants in her personal life. the problem is when Taylor™️ the brand is putting out a song about herself with one or two throwaway lines that are either just ambiguous or are intentionally placed to make the song seem ambiguous and claims it’s a queer anthem, during pride month, and then never again is just straight up rainbow capitalism at best. but the songs she releases and only claims later they’re from the pov of a man when questioned if it’s about her expressing queer feelings because The Brand, that’s queerbaity to me. she seems fine letting fans praise her and hail her as a queer icon when it benefits her until it stands to affect her perception to her conservative fanbase, and then she tells the truth that’s it’s from the pov of a man. does this make sense? like things like that feel deliberate. there’s a couple she hasn’t spoken on to my knowledge, but for those specific two instances, it feels like rainbow capitalism and queerbaiting as Taylor™️ the brand that makes money off of people like gaylors who obsessed over her sexuality and “hints” she may be queer.

I can’t speak to other situations with other celebs, this is just my perspective on taylor specifically, and it’s totally okay if you disagree.

#Asks #anonymoose #anti taylor swift #swifties dni #thank you for the apology though

[w-m-heart]

Flufftober Day 1: I've Got You

Fandom: Harry Potter Pairing: Dramione Word Count: 2743 words Summary: Locking them in a closet was a bad idea. Luna just wanted them to finally make out—but she didn’t realise Draco has a fear of small spaces after the war, and instead of pashing, he’s panicking. Good thing Hermione’s there to help him through it Warnings: panic attacks, enclosed spaces, more angst than fluff unfortunately 

What is pashing?

Haha okay so I just learned that that is an Australia-only term haha wow. I thought pashing was something everyone used. Basically it’s just kissing. Snogging, necking, whatever synonym works haha

“Draco,” Hermione warned in a low voice. 

“Hermione,” he replied with an easy smirk. 

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Why are you following me?”

Draco threw her a mock disgusted look. “Why would I follow you?” He turned up his nose at her. “And how do I know you’re not following me?”

Hermione glared at him and he just grinned. She rolled her eyes and kept walking. Frankly she knew exactly what he was doing. 

“I like you. I have for a long time. …Do you like me?” 

A pleasant shiver ran down Hermione’s spine at the memory. It had been in the early hours of the morning, almost sunset when he’d said those words. They’d just come back from patrolling the corridors for wayward students, and they’d both been exhausted. She hadn’t even fully registered his words until he’d grabbed her arm and made her face him. 

His eyes had been wide and his chest heaving, like he’d just run a marathon, as he waited for her answer. When his words had finally kicked in, her legs had gone weak. She’d swallowed and whispered, “I don’t know.” 

Since that moment, he’d spent every moment ‘helping her make up her mind’ as he’d put it. The pre-war Hermione would have hexed him off the Astronomy Tower—hell, even at the start of the year she would have—but the last few months… As Head Boy and Head Girl they had to spend a lot of time together, and in that time Hermione had gotten to see a side of Draco she never would have otherwise. 

A side that was fiercely loyal to his friends and his family, and one that defended anyone in his care. Without this forced time together, she never would have known how smart he was, or how funny he could be. And she never would have seen him swallow his pride and apologise. 

That had been after the awkward Christmas they had spent together, and the even worse New Years when they’d realised they were all alone—his family in Azkaban and hers without a single memory of her. It had prompted a frank conversation between them where neither had held back. About anything. 

That was when she’d realised that Draco Malfoy was exactly the sort of person she could fall in love with. Not that she could ever tell him that.

“Frankly this is embarrassing, Hermione,” Draco continued, breaking her from her memories. “For you that is.” He shook his head at her and sighed. “It’s almost pitiful how in love with me you are.” 

Every thought disappeared from her mind as she gaped at him. “Excuse me?!”

He shrugged helplessly, not hiding his grin. “Everyone can see it. It is painfully obvious.”

Hermione shoved him away. “I am not!” 

Draco dodged her hands with a laugh. “Are too!” he sang. 

Hermione’s breath caught at the happiness on his face. She’d never seen him so light and carefree. 

That morning he and many other students had been officially granted leniency from Azkaban for any crimes committed during the war. They’d all been children manipulated by adults who couldn’t sort their own shit out. Instead they were handed punishments suited to their crimes. Something every child had leapt at the chance for. Community service at St Mungo’s and compulsory viewing of the war memories of innocents and orphaned children—they were all far easier to take than a life sentence in Azkaban. At least. That's what they’d thought. 

Hermione had had to watch the effects those sessions had on Draco, and while the sentencing was lenient in the sense that he and the other students weren’t being attacked by dementors for the rest of their lives, they had to come face to face with the consequences of their actions and the despair they had wrought on others. 

But combined with the mandatory mind healing sessions to undo their forebears’ brainwashing and deal with what they saw in the compulsory viewings, the future was beginning to look brighter than it ever had.

It was a beginning, at least. 

One that gave Hermione hope. Azkaban had only served in breaking many of the inhabitants without actually showing them the error of their ways, let alone the damage they caused. This route, while just as severe, would hopefully pave a way to a better future. 

“What?” Draco frowned at her, pausing mid-laugh. 

Hermione blinked, realising she’d been staring far too long, and blushed. “Shut up.” 

Before Draco could tease her or she could analyse that look in his eyes that made her heart pound—there was a crash ahead. 

They shared a glance and hurried down the corridor. As they rounded the corner, they found the source of the noise. Up ahead the “shagging closet” practically shook and even from the end of the corridor, they could hear the rough sounds that had so aptly given the closet its name. 

Hermione rolled her eyes as they slowed, no longer in a rush. Draco snorted. “We’re not even on patrol and we still manage to catch rule-breakers. I hope their horny thirty seconds was worth it.” 

As they stopped in front of the closet, Draco ripped the doors open, but it was empty. Instead of giving two horny teenagers heart attacks, they were staring at a jumping jack-in-the-box. As they watched, it darted about the closet, shaking it about just like it would have if teenage sex was indeed occurring. 

Hermione bent down to pick it up—wondering just what the hell it was doing there— when she was suddenly being shoved inside. With a squawk to echo hers, Draco was pushed inside with her, and as they both tumbled over each other, the doors slammed closed behind them. 

Someone knocked on the door. “Time to do as lovers do!” Luna called out cheerily. “Make out, and I’ll unlock the doors.” 

Hermione shared an incredulous look with a wide-eyed Draco—or tried to at least. She couldn’t actually see him in the complete darkness. She untangled herself from Draco enough to bang on the door. “Let us out, Luna! This isn’t funny!” 

“Neither is watching you two mope over each other,” she giggled. “So either snog Malfoy’s brains out, or stay in there forever. Your choice.” 

And then she just skipped away. Hermione gaped at the door. Surely she wasn’t serious. 

Hermione shoved at the doors, but they didn’t budge an inch. Scowling, she pulled her wand out of her pocket and cast, “Alohomora.”

Nothing. 

“Aberto.”

Not even a twitch. Pulling herself more out from beneath Draco, she decided that Luna must have cast a spell to cancel out the ones Hermione was trying now. “Finite incantatem.”

Nothing. 

She gritted her teeth. Damn you, Luna! 

Hermione turned to Draco, even though she still couldn’t see him. “Are you even going to pretend to help me?”

Nothing. She expected a sly comment about ‘loving to watch her work’ or ‘not interrupting greatness’—maybe even a suggestion that they just do as asked, but all she got back was heavy breathing. Frowning, she cast a silent lumos—which showed her that magic still clearly worked—and what she saw had her stomach dropping to her feet. 

Draco had curled himself in a ball, his arms tight around his legs and eyes wide with unadulterated terror. His chest heaved with panicked breaths and his knuckles were white as his fingers dug into his skin. His whole body trembled. 

“Draco?” Hermione reached for him, careful not to terrify him anymore. Her fingers landed on his arm and he flinched. She tried again, her hand curling softly around his arm as he didn’t react this time. “What’s going on? Are you okay?” 

He shook his head frantically, and Hermione’s heart squeezed as his eyes shimmered with unshed tears. It was completely at odds with the boy who had laughed with her outside just a few moments ago. Now he looked just as she felt after a particularly vivid nightmare. 

Her hand curled more firmly around his forearm. “Are you… Are you having a panic attack?” 

Draco nodded his head jerkily. “Small— spaces,” he gasped. “Can’t. Breathe.”

Hermione swallowed thickly. “Right,” she looked around. “Okay.” 

She looked back at the door, partly to search for a way to get out that she hadn’t already tried, and also to hide her burning cheeks from him. Shame twisted her insides. She had actually thought he would take the chance to make out with her. Even worse, up until she’d seen his reaction, she’d been half tempted to suggest it too. Stuck in such a tight space where every inch of her side was pressed up against him, where their limbs were entangled—of course every spare thought was aimed at his mouth. 

And all the while, he’d been having a damned panic attack. 

Hermione straightened as Draco’s breathing became more choked. Enough was enough. 

She glared at the doors. “Evanesco.”

One month she had entertained this charade. A whole month she had let him think she didn’t know how she felt. Thirty days he’d stuck by her side, trying to get her to fall for him, when she’d already been so in deep she could barely breathe. 

She’d lied to him. Out of cowardice. 

Hermione gritted her teeth and slammed her hand against the doors. “Reducto!”

Draco’s panicked breath came in short bursts, but it was the way he ducked his head into his knees that made her blood run cold. 

Luna was going to pay for this. It may have been a well-meaning prank, but seeing the boy—the man—she was quickly falling for, break down so completely…

Hermione slapped both hands against the wood. “Alohomora!” The doors trembled. SLAP. “Aberto!” SLAP. “Evanesco!” 

Her knuckles bit into the wood but she didn’t feel the pain as she snarled, “Fucking open!”

The door splintered. 

She stumbled out, chest heaving and palms aching. Magic coursed under her skin, burning with raw power from whatever she’d unleashed. There was a gasp behind her and she spun around. 

Draco clawed himself out of the closet, covered in dust and choking in it as he gasped for air. Hermione hurried to him, pulling him away from the splinters scattered across the ground. His knees buckled and he fell to the ground. He didn’t shrug off her touch like she expected him to, so Hermione kept her arm around his shoulders. 

“You’re okay. I’ve got you. You’re okay,” she whispered, squeezing his shoulders lightly and swallowing thickly as he shuddered beneath her. “You’re out. It’s over.” 

She wasn’t just talking about the closet. Whatever had happened to him that was so traumatic it triggered a panic attack—it was over. She didn’t know if the words would have any effect on him, but they always had for her. Whenever she woke up from a vivid nightmare, that mantra always helped ground her. 

It seemed to work as Draco muttered them in echo. “I’m out. I’m out. I’m out.” He reached out blindly, his eyes still squeezed shut, and he grabbed her free hand like it was a lifeline and he was drowning. “It’s over.” He shuddered and his grip on her hand tightened to the point of pain. “Never again. Never again.” 

Hermione’s heart ached. He was in so much pain and with every mantra he repeated her mind whirred with what the hell could have happened to traumatise him like this. 

She lifted her arm from his shoulders and lifted her hand to gently brush the loose hair from his cheek. She tucked it behind his ear, and as he leaned into her touch, she repeated the action. Over and over as he softened against her and time lost meaning. 

Her legs began to ache from the awkward way she was sitting on them, but she couldn’t care less as she watched his breathing steady out. His frame still racked with the occasional tremor and he hadn’t loosened his grip on her hand, but he seemed more at ease now. 

“Better?” Hermione murmured. As her fingers tracked behind his ear, she settled her palm against his cheek. 

Draco nodded slightly, leaning further into her touch, and as he opened his eyes, he swallowed. 

“Th—” His breath shuddered, an aftershock of his hyperventilation. He swallowed and tried again. “Thank you,” he said roughly. He leaned deeper into her palm—so like Crookshanks she smiled. “For getting me out.” 

Then something over her shoulder caught his eye and his eyes widened in shock. She followed his gaze and snorted. The closet had disintegrated. There was nothing where it had stood—nothing but a pile of dust. She hadn’t just opened the doors, she’d split the closet at the molecular level. 

She fought a smile. “I guess my emotions got away from me.” 

Hermione turned back to see Draco’s reaction and her mouth went dry at the way he stared at her. Like she was more than he could have ever imagined. Like he’d just proposed and she’d said yes.  

His eyes were wide and his jaw slack. He looked like the very air had been ripped from his lungs. Like everything he knew was being upturned with every passing second. 

“How?” he whispered, agonising hope and desperation thick in his voice. “Why?” Another tremor ran through him. “You weren’t dying. You weren’t freaking out.” 

Hermione frowned, bewildered. “You were,” she said, like that explained everything. A small noise escaped his parted lips. And just like she’d decided in the closet, enough was enough. She was tired of being a coward over how she felt. 

She shuffled forward, this time cupping his face in both her hands. “You were terrified. I couldn’t just stand there and do nothing. I had to get you out of there.” 

“Why?” 

Time to stop letting fear rule. 

“Because I like you so much it scares me sometimes.” Hermione stared deep into his eyes. “Because when you were panicking in there, I would have burnt the whole castle to the ground if it made you feel better. Because even a second of you being unhappy makes everything feel wrong.” She sucked in a breath so shaky it surprised her. 

Tears glimmered in Draco’s eyes and his hands came up to encircle her wrists as she continued, “Because I couldn’t spend another second of you not knowing how I feel.” She pressed their foreheads together. “You make every day being here easy just by existing. Every time you smile at me I feel my day get instantly better. I look forward to these nights where you put all your attention into making me fall for you, because even though it’s so damn selfish, I’m terrified of scaring you off by revealing just how far I’ve fallen for you.” 

Hermione swallowed thickly. “And with all of that…” she shook her head. “Of course I had to react like that. You are everything to me. One stupid closet wasn’t going to stop me from saving the man I love.” 

Draco’s chest heaved as he stared at her with wide, wet eyes. “You love me?” His hands shook around her wrists and he stared at her like he couldn’t believe her. His face slipped out of her palms 

She shrugged, and an uncomfortable weight settled in her stomach as she waited for his reaction. A month ago he said he liked her, and here she is confessing her full blown obsession. Was it going to weird him out? Had she ruined—

He laughed. It was a wet and relieved sound. He dropped back, landing on his ass as he laughed again. “Oh, thank Merlin.” 

Hermione stared at him, utterly bemused and bewildered. “What?” 

He tipped his head back to look at the ceiling, still laughing like a deranged, relieved lunatic. “I’m obsessed with you too.” 

Time stopped. 

“You…are?” 

“Stupidly.” Tears slid down his cheeks as he smiled so widely at her. “I am so glad you don’t just fancy me. I mean, I knew you did, but I thought that was just it.” He laughed again, utterly delighted. “And here you are as obsessed with me as I am with you.” 

He knew?!

“I’m gonna strangle you.” 

His grin widened.

“But I am going to kiss you senseless first.” 

Hermione launched herself at him and cut off his laugh with the kiss she had been dying for for months. Draco responded with equal enthusiasm, and in their passion, neither noticed their audience exchanging money for their earlier bet. 

Somehow Luna had bet exactly this would happen. Down to the exploding closet. But really, who was surprised? There was a reason everyone called her Loony. 

A/N: might post a second part of them having soup later and discussing why Draco has a fear of closed spaces, but that won’t be part of this Flufftober

Thanks to @flufftober for this year's prompts! They were a fun headache to write haha

#dramione #flufftober 2023 #day 1: I've Got You #harry potter #hermione granger #draco malfoy #luna lovegood #fanfiction #trapped in the closet #love confessions #angst with a happy ending #happy ending #fluff and angst

[myfanfic-urfantrash]

Spell Book - Page 32: Transformation Spells

Natsume x FtM!Reader

A/N: *throws this at you at Mach speed* LET HIM SUPPORT YOU.

Will I write a MtF! version for Natsume? Maybe in the future, I only had this idea and this is also a way to test my knowledge a bit. If you have an idea though feel free to send it in I want all Natsume lovers to feel supported by this cringey magician :D

-------

Confiding in someone isn’t always easy, even more so when it comes to sharing that you’re not what you were assigned at birth. Growing up as a girl had it’s ups and downs and while he, like anyone else has things he’d love to change about his past, he wants to change his present so he can be the man he’s always been in the future.

But sharing such a thing with someone isn’t easy, especially with your loved ones.

Especially with your significant other.

But he did, terrified out of his mind, he told him. And just like magic his fears were cast aside with the smile Natsume gave him and the knowing, welcoming warm eyes of his gaze.

It’s been months since then, Lives and Idol work taking up both of their time as idol and producer. But once everything settled they finally had a shared break together and decided to spend the time together at Natsume’s home.

Seated on the rug in Natsume’s room they stroke the ball of fluff that’s apparently one of the two family cats. Her name is “Luna” a black cat that engulfs his lap, he can only guess the other cats name.

“Now before we begIN, I will show you some of the items you will need for the speLL.”

Natsume says rummaging through his closet removing this and that out of the way. A few contents in the boxes clink and clack or sound like pouring sand. Others give off the pungent sent of herbs and burnt parchment.

Just what did he have in there?

He doesn’t get to wonder long before Natsume slides a slightly dusty box out from the bottom of his closet. He opens it, whipping the dust on his pants before lifting a thick dark band of shiny fabric in both hands.

“This is one of the items I wore when first going about this sort of maGIC. Wear one with pride but be careFUL, if the binder is too small it can be dangerous for your healTH, so be sure to pick one that fits you well but lets you breaTHE. I can help you measure yourself if need BE.”

Natsume hands the old garment, a thick band of soft and stretchy fabric, into their curious hands. He watches as they pull and stretch the binder this way and that and fiddle with the hooks on one of it’s sides.

“This type is often used after chest surgeRY, to keep your chest is place-” Natsume lifts two binders from the box, both resembling tank tops, though one was more like a crop top. “I recommend this sort during the sumMER, if you like swimming you can get away with people thinking they’re swim gear or a tank top of courSE.”

“AlthouGH...” His face scrunches up in distaste. “I also don’t recommend wearing one during sumMER, you’ll just be cooking yourself aLIVE. Especially when things get past 30 Celcius with the dreaded humidiTY.”

They both shudder at the thought. Japan’s Summers are brutal.

“You can of course choose not to binD, it’s up to personal preferenCE.” He pushes the box towards him to get a closer look at everything. Natsume slides up beside them with his laptop in tow. There’s two windows with multiple tabs open, one with clinical writing and another with items in many colors and styles.

“This is just one part of many steps you can take to transiTION, it’s entirely up to you how much or how little you would like to alter your LIFE. I’ve done this myself and while every experience is differenT, I’ll gladly guide you through IT.”

He holds his hand that’s stopped petting Luna, and places a kiss to the back of it.

“Just know that I love you regardless of what you decide to do, you’re the man I fell for after all.”

#ensemble stars x reader #ftm!reader #natsume sakasaki x reader #sakasaki natsume x reader

[draculas-fem-aro-husbando]

Happy Nonbinary Awareness Week to:

BIPOC Nonbinary People!

Disabled Nonbinary People! (Also Happy Disability Pride Month to y’all too!)

Neroudivergent Nonbinary People!

Mentally ill Nonbinary People!

Intersex Nonbinary People!

Aromantic Nonbinary People!

Asexual Nonbinary People!

Omnisexual Nonbinary People!

Pomosexual Nonbinary People!

Polysexual Nonbinary People

Bisexual or Bisexual Umbrella Nonbinary People!

Pansexual Nonbinary People!

Novisexual Nonbinary People!

Two Spirits who consider themselves Nonbinary!

People who identify with genders from their culture and consider themselves Nonbinary!

Religious Nonbinary People! (This does not just mean Christian btw)

AroAce Nonbinary People!

Nonbinary People who use She/They or He/They!

Nonbinary People who use They/Them!

Nonbinary People who use He/She/They!

Nonbinary People who use Any Pronouns!

Nonbinary People who use All Pronouns!

Nonbinary People who use Nounself Pronouns!

Nonbinary People who use Neopronouns!

Nonbinary People who are in the Multigender Umbrella!

Nonbinary People who are Genderfluid!

Nonbinary People who identify with Xenogenders!

Nonbinary People who are Unlabeled!

Nonbinary People who identify as Queer!

The Nonbinary Umbrella!

Arospec Nonbinary People!

Acespec Nonbinary People!

Aspec Nonbinary People!

Lesbian Nonbinary People!

Gay Nonbinary People!

She/Her Nonbinary People!

He/Him Nonbinary People!

No Pronoun Using Nonbinary People!

Trans Nonbinary People!

Non-Binaries who use names in place of Pronouns!

That are in the closet or out to certain people!

People who never want to come out!

Nonbinary People who prefer their birth name!

Nonbinary People who prefer multiple names!

You’re all very cool and you are very much accepted!

Also don’t feel forced to ever come out during Non-binary awareness week! Come out when you are ready!

#lgbtqia+ #lgbtq+ #lgbt+ #nonbinary awareness week #nonbinary #repetition #pronoun positivity #disability pride month

[cryptic-rainfall]

so I forgot to stay in the closet around my dad. I recently discovered this local trans group and started going, and the center had a brochure which I happily took and put on my fridge.

well, I was about to grab dinner and once again saw the brochure on the fridge (literally the reason I put it there, feels good) and then I’m like wait. my dad was over yesterday at my place helping me make dinner. he definitely grabbed stuff from the fridge. there is a chance he didn’t see/notice is there (he’s blind like me and doesn’t notice stuff) but like, very good chance he saw that. whoops. not my intention to come out to him, during pride month too. oopsies.

had me thinking that I like, haven’t really “come out” to anyone in the traditional sense. I just kinda stopped caring if certain people knew I was queer and like, either they catch on or they don’t. and when you walk into a queer space like a center it’s just assumed you’re queer so again no coming out per say. I don’t think anything bad will come from my dad knowing or even suspecting that I’m queer. he sees me as an independent enough person and already disagrees with a lot of the ways I live my life while also acknowledging that it’s my life and not his. but also he isn’t on “good terms” with queer people like, as a concept. oops.

#also thinking I should like. just tell my sister I've been going to a trans group #bc she definitely knows but also I've never told her outright #and she's about to come back from college #also has me thinking about how my aunt says she is thinking of finding a grief support group #which I think is a great idea for her tbh #but I'm doing a similar thing by finding and attending this trans group #mirrors. idk. #queer things #I got weird feelings about not being out but not being closeted #my sister made the plunge before me and frankly. that tracks. she's less of a whimp in that sense

[valfeathers]

dr:t pride headcanons, written edition

so i’ve recently received some asks about whether or not i headcanon any of the characters from dr:togami as lgbtq+ or not and, as a very queer person, you know i do! 

since i’ve been struggling to put out art recently, i figured that i’d take the time to write down my pride headcanons in honour of pride month! i want to apologise for not being in the proper headspace to post even though i promised i would, i hope this gets my thoughts across in some form!

(if i neglect to mention anyone just assume that they’re either straight or unlabeled!)

and if i word this post firmly, please remember that these are my opinions and you’re well within your right to disagree so long as you’re respectful. 

spoilers? maybe. gay people below the cut!

so let’s start it off with our volume 1 cast!-

byakuya: gay & gender-fluid. now, i feel very strongly that during the events of the novels he was still far far into that closet, but believe me it’s there. remember when he had to dress up as that nun? and how he was vibing in that convent, a place that celeste mentions doesn’t allow men? he was very trans in that chapter. and let’s not even mention polaris p. polanski. this kid is so transgender it makes my eyes hurt.  

shinobu: lesbian. she’s a lesbian. this is partly due to projection and partly due to the way that she describes female characters, but i’m not gonna tether my opinions to canon so i’ll leave it at that. i feel like she’s actually a little bit of a hopeless romantic. 

satomi aoba: lesbian. i promise they’re not all lesbians, it’s just that i’m a lesbian and i love satomi. but also it’s the way that she interacts with the mole in volume 1, as if she’s moved past having patience for men. and that’s very lesbian of her. 

hiroyuki: pansexual trans man. now these are purely headcanon, but i characterise hiroyuki as not giving a damn about gender in the slightest. if he likes you, he likes you. and i don’t remember when exactly i decided to make him a trans man but i get the feeling that it’s because he’s a twin. i get that they aren’t identical but i saw the opportunity and took it, what can i say. like shinobu, i’d like to think he craves love and romance but he tends to mask his emotions with humour so you’d have to be able to read him to know that. good lad, in all. 

yuika: pansexual. they’re twins! they match! kidding, there’s more to it. now, at some point i decided that yuika would also go for personality other than gender, since she values someone who unflinchingly cares about her, especially since her fleshed out backstory in my rewrite reveals that her peers didn’t exactly treat her well. but that’s for another time.

taeko: lesbian. last one, i swear! i’d argue that taeko & yuika are slightly girlfriend-coded in the novels, but that’s beside the point. the second i read taeko’s dialogue and scenes i got hit with a strong femme-lesbian vibe. she really values femininity, she kicks ass and she’s the hyper to yuika’s calm

andou (A54) naoki: bisexual. honorable mention! he plays a bigger role in my ver. which is why he’s here. i can’t exactly put this one into words without explaining his entire character and, my god, i want this post to be brief. so just trust me on this one. once i actually post about him hopefully you’ll get it. 

and now for the dead siblings!- 

now, i’m aware of just how strict this family is, but as you all know (hopefully) you’re gay regardless of your situation, and like, mathematically there’s no way that every single one of them is straight.

ichirou: bisexual. again, this one mostly fits my characterisation of him, which i’ll elaborate on later! for now all i’ll say is that he’d be kind of nonchalant about it? like ‘oh you know, uneventful work day, saved a life, repaired an artery, kissed a man, et cetera.’ and he’s not stupid, at all, nor is he uncaring, it’s just that it’s such a natural part of him that he doesn’t question it at all. 

saburou: asexual. this only relates to my interpretation of him, which is very different from canon! he’s the type of kid to make the most out of left field, egregious sex joke imaginable only to be the most asexual person you ever did meet. 

takaya: aroace. now, if he had gotten to live longer and work his shit out he’d realise that is the definition of aroace. he, for his whole life, simply had no interest. a common experience for aromantic people (coming from an aro person!) is the classic ‘pick someone to have a crush on’ experience but in all honesty, i dont think he even did that. he simply didn’t care in the slightest and wasn’t afraid to let people know it. 

#i developed these hcs from talking to buddies in dms btw!! #i cant Not make my stories gay its a compulsion #again be respectful! i have a block button and im not afraid to use it #headcanons #headcanon #dr:t #danganronpa #danganronpa togami #shinobu togami #byakuya togami #togami siblings

[daydreamsandcrashingwaves]

“To be visibly Queer is to choose your happiness over your safety” 

It’s pride month and this is the only space I feel save being honest about MY experience. I knew in middle school I liked girls, this was before I determined I was NB. I was scared, a bully in my gym class often put me down by calling me a lesbian, I did not know what it was really, fragments maybe. I knew my Uncle was gay, I knew that was something my family accepted and I never knew anything different, but no one explained what it meant to be a lesbian. Growing up lesbian and gay were the popular slurs. In middle school I played traveling volleyball, it was what I considered my main sport, I was always on the outside socially because I tried very hard at practice and the rest of my team wouldn’t meet my energy as they considered it a leisure sport to engage in during their off season. There was always this one girl who was nice to me when we’d talk, I had a crush on a girl in my friend group from school (Not volleyball), and I wasn’t sure what to do. I talked with girl and she actually gave me great advice and I followed it the next day at school, didn’t work out but thats okay. So I come home from school that next day feelin good and I walk into my mother screaming into the phone, I don’t remember that part but I know when she saw me she dismissed the person on the phone, came marching up to me (which with her I’m so mad face that wasn’t great) and asked if I’m a lesbian. Being young and afraid of this big bad word that was an insult I said no! I just liked this One Girl, I still liked boys. Turns out the girl not only told the whole team and all their parents had been harassing my mom all day. She looked at me, asked if I loved volleyball, I said of course I do! She then looked at me and said “Then you’re going to practice tomorrow, fuck ‘em”. That was my last (? or second to last) season on the court. I regret not looking for another team to this day. I can’t tell you how many couples want to bring me in their bed for their pleasure, Or you turn down some guy at the bar and they take it as a challenge and maybe they can now have two girls instead of one. It’s dehumanizing and gross. Being queer has always held me apart from most. Being known is truly difficult.

One of my mutuals on another platform posted the quote at the top this week, and I have some mixed feelings about it. To Clarify the feelings are not about my mutual but the quote itself that was posted on twitter. (I found it on their page and quoted it word for word but I’m horrible with links so if you want to see it I’ll do my best or just search it I guess lol.) This person is someone I hold a lot of respect for in my community. They are a transperson, are very visible as a transperson with their partners. With the dangerous conditions in America right now for our community, transpeople especially, trans poly people even more so. The strength to follow the heart when things are tough, persevering, it is irreplaceable. It did get me thinking though, and I have a lot of questions. What does it even mean to be visibly queer? Is there a definition? Is it a box to check off to feel “included”? 

To Me: For pride month it’s important to support the things you believe in, for yourself and others. Sharing individual and personal struggles to bring awareness and education during this month is great! I always learn so much this time of year. I will say this though, I don’t like such generalized statements. This quote is fine for specific groups, but doesn’t always apply to the community as a whole and I hope I can properly articulate why I think this. First queer people are diverse! A lot of people in the community ‘pass’ as cisgendered heterosexual couples but could be bi or pan or ace (or closeted). The other thing that comes to mind is you could be single! I am! and maybe that is why this bothered me so much, both of these apply to me. I am nonbinary and have been told and done my own research to tentatively know I am technically part of the transcommunity although I never felt I truly “count” whatever that means, and would not label myself that way, the statement felt almost criticizing??... I’m not sure. I’m as plain jane as they come. Dark long hair, nail appointments and feminine clothes are being reincorporated into my space from what I couldn’t explore in childhood. I do pass as cis. and I know how important those kinda statements are so I’m not saying it’s inherently wrong.... I guess what I’m trying to say to you and myself is you don’t have to be visible to count. We all have different challenges and what I experience will be different from you. I want to use this post to personally recognize the groups that may get overlooked or receive a not so warm welcome because we all know our own commuity can be very exclusive. Bi, poly, ace and pan people get flack from both sides, straight and queer a like. Maybe that’s why it’s taken me two days to get this out on a page. During these trying times I believe we must speak out for others, not just ourselves. We are here, We are Queer, We are united. No one gets left behind. We must strive to be open-minded and curious to our differences. If you got this far thank you for taking the time to read this. Happy Pride Month my friends!

#Pride month #happy pride 🌈 #happy pride #personal thoughts #Personal processing #love being feminine #Pleasing my innerchild #intersectionality #intersectional pride #queer pride #queer #support transgender #support bisexuality #support asexuals #support poly persons #support NB people #support pansexuals #Support those closeted #I see you even if you aren't visible #Why is straight the default

[steamishot]

july updates

last week, as matt was finishing up his last night shift of a two week rotation on wednesday, the chiefs had called to ask if he can do another shift on thursday. he managed to get out of that one. we looked at his upcoming schedule for two months - it was all clinic or electives. it looked glorious and we were both so happy. we had a real “post-residency” celebration at the dolar shop and smith and wollensky. i finally got to hang out with a well-rested and relaxed matt. we were walking around in east village and he said something along the lines of “this feels nice/different when i’m doing this well-rested”. i was like yeah, imagine being on vacation and generally going through life when you’re well-rested too. 

as i have been impatient this past half year to a year, i realize i have been pretty pushy too. being sleep deprived and stressed out had been matt’s new normal. i desperately wanted to know that this was temporary but i wasn’t convinced that he missed having a life outside of the hospital. i wasn’t sure if he actually has a lot of pride in constantly hustling or if it was just way of surviving. i would ask him things like “do you miss X or having the time to do Y” but he would not admit to it. this past week, i saw that he honestly has been out of touch with life outside of the hospital. he could not miss what he has forgotten. and the times he was out of the hospital, he needed time to adjust, had residual anxiety, was exhausted, and/or sleep deprived. i learned to let things be/not force things, and that the “recovery” will happen naturally now that we have more time.

it has not been a full week of being happy. on wednesday, he was asked to cover a night shift this week due to residents calling out from covid. our moods immediately dropped. here we go again, with flip flopping our schedules on demand. it’s bullshit. 

work: dr. K officially retired, and now we have transitioned to working with dr. M. he’s more intimidating to me. luckily he has a nice assistant who is really sweet and responsive. dr. M has increased the frequency of our meetings from biweekly to weekly. he’s also way more organized and proactive in changing the system. i’m the only one who is not meeting in person and a zoom has to be set up for me. we had our first in-person meeting on tuesday with me on zoom, and it wasn’t as weird as i thought.

home: i got a click and grow to have an indoor garden! the bright lights emulate the sun and i know it’ll be useful during the winters here. i will be growing lettuce, tomatoes and basil to begin with. my succulents are currently happily bathing under the light as i wait for the plants to sprout. 

we got the tv mounted! coincidentally, i had purchased wall shelves from saks using our amex plat credit. we decided to place these shelves under the tv. a russian guy from taskrabbit came to install it for us. instead of selling the tv stand, we actually placed it in one of our closets to help with storage organization. i find home improvement stuff so fun. next, we are waiting for our ottoman to be delivered. once that is in place, the “new” living room will be completed. 

the room divider is one of the smartest purchases i’ve made. i find it so essential if we’re both home 24/7. it does give a sense of privacy/alone time when we’re working at our respective desks. 

studying: i’m still working on the cost and managerial accounting course. slow but steady. we are at 52 days until boards, and this is basically also the same time until the end of my term. i am planning on completing this course and one more before the end of august. currently stuck at 80% complete in the BS program.

therapy/mental health: i had my first live chat therapy session last thursday, and will do another one this monday. although i’m sure it’s not as effective as video chatting, i am taking small steps doing something vulnerable LOL. so far, it was nice just to have someone to talk to, and someone who is paid to be interested in your life. 

i used the medspouse subreddit a lot to cope through residency. it was nice to commiserate with other people in the same situation. however, i was visiting the subreddit way too often out of habit and it became obsessive. there are some crazy people on there who really take the time to write out well thought out responses to many posts and are equally obsessed with the identity of “medspouse”. i decided to limit myself to visiting it at most once a day, and to wean off of it eventually. 

socializing: we have our second double date with S&I this upcoming wednesday. will be eating at an indian restaurant in williamsburg. i feel a little loser-ish that they have wayyyy more social plans than we do and hang out with a lot of people in general. whereas our meetings with them are basically the only human interaction (outside of the hospital for matt) we get together. it also takes me time to adjust to this rare situation. 

i have plans with T to go to my very first brooklyn “hike” meetup this sunday!