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vaspider · 3 months

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Look. A little advice.

Once you get to a certain amount of Known on the internet or a subsection of it, or even in a subsection of a RL group of people, there are going to be people who will make up a version of you which exists only in their heads and which has absolutely nothing to do with who you are. It might better resemble who you were twenty years ago or it might never have had anything to do at all with who you were then or are now.

You cannot stop this. You cannot prevent this. Once you get a certain number of followers or a certain amount of attention, that's going to happen: people will make up stories about you which either look through a fun-house mirror at some small aspect of who you are and twist it and blow it up until it doesn't resemble you at all, or which just have absolutely no basis in fact whatsoever.

This is just another kind of parasocial relationship; it's the kind which really sucks to deal with, because it's so negative and so pervasive. It's very real, and the frustration you feel about it is very real. Nobody wants to be known incorrectly.

But. You can't control this. It's gonna happen. No matter what you say, no matter how precisely you say it, the people who want to misinterpret you will find a way to do so. This doesn't mean 'don't pay attention to what you say,' or 'don't be purposeful and precise with your language,' but it does mean 'don't obsess over the people who are determined to get you wrong.'

You can be the most anodyne, run-of-the-mill, unremarkable human being, and the people who are determined to hate you will find something that they can point to and say 'ha ha! I told you that Spider danced with the devil at midnight! I witnessed it myself!' (It will not help the situation if you are, say, self-admittedly stubborn as fuck, long-winded, and sometimes kinda fucking obnoxious, but please realize that in the end, it doesn't really matter. This is gonna happen no matter what.)

The people who matter will look at what's being said, wrinkle up their foreheads, and say, 'uh, man, it looks like Spider was actually playing with his dog at 9 am?'

That said, if you don't have elephant-thick skin from being a marginalized-gender human being who's been on the internet since before the web had pictures, there are some things you can do to make it easier when people making things up about you starts to get on your nerves:

Establish protocols for when it becomes too much: have someone read your messages, turn off your notifications, have time where you purposefully disengage.

Establish protocols for how you interact, period: "I will block people without guilt if they engage positively with the people who spread untruths about me." "I will answer everything in public so people can't lie about what I said, because it's right there in public." "I will not answer work-related stuff in DMs, that has to go to the work email." Whatever it is, create some boundaries for yourself. Stick to them. The people who push you to bend them aren't doing that for your benefit but theirs.

If you get someone who really hits your Weirdo Alarm, trust it. Yeah, block and report, but also, take screenshots and store them somewhere that isn't easily erased. I have an 'Internet Weirdos' folder, which makes it a little easier to deal with when people start doing things like 'making threats of physical harm to me and my family.' Don't fuss, just take a screenshot and chuck it in the folder. Having that record makes it easier to just forget that it ever happened, because you have a paper trail if anybody starts doing something Real Weird.

Spend time offline, with people who do actually know you.

Don't get lost in the version of you that someone else makes up in order to make up for the shit that's missing in their own life. You aren't required to play the part that someone else is trying to script for you. It is never to your benefit, only to theirs; you gain nothing by standing in that role for them, and you lose precious seconds of your one irreplaceable life.

You could be using those seconds to look at this video of how to pick up a duck, which I think we can all agree is a better investment of your time.

youtube

#internet #Youtube

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theophagie-remade · 2 years

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I don't even go there because in my book it's cringe enough that I bring up italian internal politics from time to time considering that this is just my weeb & diary-like blog, but I do wonder how some people can live with themselves considering the things that they shamelessly say. On a rational level I am aware of the dynamics that arise within certain groups, of what fuels them, of their cult-like mentality, but at the same time, man... Struggles are struggles and people are obviously entitled to talk and complain about them, but I do find it incredibly hard to not get mad at someone when they shift the blame of rising bills and prices and stuff onto ukrainian people and not, y'know, Putin, the EU's dependency on Russia etc

#rl #mytext #like i am being completely truthful when i say that my mother completely embodies everything that comes to mind when one thinks of ideas #and conspiracy theories of this kind and man. i'm tired i really am because yeah i get it you're in your 50s you never went to hs because #at the time one could work just fine without a hs diploma you've never picked up a book or watched a documentary in your life you spend #half your day on facebook you're surrounded by like minded people but idk. idk. how do you not even have half the instinct to take a step #back and reflect on what you say what you think about other people how do you not put yourself in their shoes #i'm really tired. first it was my father and honestly thank god [shit happened] and he left and i don't talk to him anymore because #i just don't think i would be able to bear having to deal with two people like this. i just wouldn’t #and the worst thing is that there are so many people like this in italy it's insane there's so much misinformation so many fake news so #much propaganda like hello? does anyone not remember ''abbiamo scelto la lega perché ha un livello socioculturale molto basso''?#and with the elections being held just 20 days from now and neofascism being on the rise too... literally this country should blow up

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cambrinkownsme · 1 month

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*•♡never be like you ♡¸.•*'

nika muhl x cheerleader!reader

"I wanna hold the hand inside you. I wanna take the breath that's true"

word count - 3.4k

themes :

-fluff

-comfort

-toxic rls

warnings :

-arguing

-mentions to abuse

-explicit language

-iowa winning

A/N - did I get you guys. y'all really thought I would wait any longer to post this....

"can we please not do this ash."

i practically pleaded for my boyfriend to not argue with me before a big performance.

it was the day I had been waiting for since I was ever even notified that there would be a uconn game against iowa. I couldn't be dealing with relationship issues right before.

i attempted slipping on my skirt in the bathroom while my boyfriends voice was ringing in my ear no matter how much I tried to ignore it. I hate arguments. especially when they are stupid and have no point in even happening.

"no we are doing this now I don't care! you need to tell me the truth before you leave." Asher growled from outside the bathroom door. part of me wanted to swing the door open and break his nose but I knew that I didn't have time for that. so I gently but swiftly opened the door and forced my eyes into his with probably the most 'i'm not fucking around right now' look I'd ever given him. which is shocking with all of the arguments we've gotten into.

"Asher just fucking stop! I wasn't anywhere, I was literally sitting on the bench waiting for katie to pick me up! why is that so hard for you to comprehend." I pull my face away from his and before I could close the door and continue getting ready I whisper under my breath "its like you want me to cheat on you." the door was about to latch onto the door frame when his pale and veiny hand gripped onto the wooden edge. "what the fuck did you just say?" shit.

he then swung the door open with a force I've never seen before and a wave of fear flushed through my head. there were already tears welling up in my eyes from the yelling and now this just made them fall down my face. inside I was screaming incoherently at his face, slamming the door on his fingers and bashing his head around the room.

this has happened too many times. where we argue and I end up bruised or crying and I have to walk to Natalie's place and cry even more but into her arms instead. there's been too many times where Asher gets away with shit that no other man could get away with. and too many fucking times have I stayed.

his hand was peeled away from the edge of the door and I swear there was hot lava falling out from his eyes instead of guilt tripping tears. "why do you do this to me y/n? it hurts." he dramatically let his hand fall into his palms as more tears fell from his clearly angered eyes. most times I would let myself feel guilty and sorry for him as if I was the one that did the hurting. but this time I was done. nothing was officially over but the moment definitely was. he's going to have to find a way to win my attention back this time.

i tightened my pony tail and grabbed my cheer bag before walking out of our apartment, slamming the door behind me. it was so early in the morning that the sun was only rising as I walked out the door. I'm almost positive that everyone else on the team was asleep so I had to walk to practice. I was only a couple steps into my long walk when a car pulled up in front of me. well not in front but beside me. I continued walking until a window was rolled down and I heard a familiar voice call out.

"yo are you good?"

i was not. I had tears streaming down my face and I probably looked like I was just thrown in a pit of piranhas, but I cant say that.

"huh?" I turn my head to the side to see a white BMW pulled over. the voice I had heard earlier had a very memorable accent in it. Nika Muhl. 5'10 point guard. pretty hair. pretty eyes. just pretty.

"are you okay?" another voice reached out from the drivers seat of the car. Paige Bueckers of course. I finally looked down from my own height and saw a the brunette looking up at me with kinda eyes. her head was slightly tilted to the side while she waited for me to answer her question. "oh. uh." I waited a moment.

just before this I was telling myself that I wasn't going to put up with asher's bullshit anymore. that included hiding what was going on. Asher put me through shit. I mean he curb stomped my head on a pile of shit and dragged my face through it with his bare hands and never felt any regret.

"n-no not really." yeah I did that. fuck you Asher. the feeling of just admitting that I wasn't made the rest of my tears started to drain back into my eye sockets. I could see it in Nika's eyes that she felt bad even if she was smiling and laughing. she popped open the car door and tapped her lap. "well c'mon." she swayed her head, gesturing for me to literally crawl over her lap and get into the backseat, as there isn't a back door. I didn't want to be rude so I sighed and crawling over Nika's lap and into the backseat. I was hovering over her long enough to smell the beachy sunscreen smelling perfume she had on. her hands grazed my thigh that was exposed after my skirt had started to hang down from my position. thank God the cheer uniforms had shorts under the skirts because when I was almost in the back seat next to Ice Brady and KK Arnold, my skirt lifted up right in Nika's face. I almost fell face first into the backseat before I felt Nika's hands grip onto my waist to support me until I was sitting down. I let out a sharp and quick sigh while fixing my hair and and un-ruffling my skirt, I looked into the driver seat to see Paige holding back tears of laughter. I could practically see how red Nika was from the back of the head rest she had her hair pressed against.

i didn't expect the car ride to be as comforting as it was. the entire drive was basically just the girls either singing or asking me questions about cheer. it was all fine before Nika decided to speak up about why I was sobbing on the sidewalk.

"so what was going on with you earlier? before we very obviously saved your ass." I couldn't help but laugh at her remark but quickly got more serious when Paige turned down the music so everyone could hear me. I felt like I was put on a stage with a microphone in a pretty pink dress waiting to win Miss America with everyone's eyes on me while they waited for me to answer.

"oh it was nothing just stuff about my boyfriend...." I tried to shake off the question even though a part of me wanted to scream how much I hated him. I trailed off and glanced to the side to find an unconvinced KK staring at me. KK is funny, I always see her jumping around after a win and shes always filled with energy.

I shrugged and threw my head back before actually giving in. "fine. he's like, really shitty honestly. I want to break up but I can't." the car was silent for a couple seconds while I patiently waited for someone to speak. "what way of shitty? like wants to break up constantly but wont or like- another way of shitty" Paige asked without making any eye contact.

another way for sure. every other way that you could think of Paige.

"guilt tripping manipulative way I guess?" I said, my voice slightly cracking. Nika clicked her tongue as she reached around her seat and looked back at you. "you know you don't have to stay. I know its hard to not stay but you aren't obligated to stay." thank you. that the only thing I was needing to hear in the past year I had been with Asher. I know I'm not obligated to stay with him but Jesus it feels like it. "thanks." the car ride was silent for a couple more minutes before Paige pulled into the driveway of my cheer practice building.

I was just about to get out of the car before realizing that ice was in front of the door I should've been getting out of. I had to crawl over Nika's lap again. I tossed my duffel bag into her lap and its like she could read my brain when she opened her door and gently set the bag out side. but this time she put down her car seat so that there was a (mainly) flat surface for me to crawl over. instead of crawling, I lifted my feet over Nika's body first and then slid myself over her. my ass gently bumps against her lap, almost sending a loud gasp from my lips. there her hands were again. I thought everything was going by quickly but she still had enough time to wrap her fingers around my waist and lifted me from the back seat out the door.

it was honestly hard for me to speak after having to be that close to a practical stranger in the span of 20 minutes but I tried my best.

"thank you guys for the ride. good luck on your game!" as I was waving goodbye while walking down the sidewalk towards the door of the building, Nika yelled out.

"y/n? I'll see you there right?"

oh my fuck she wants to see me at the game. she actually WANTS me to be there.

all I could manage to do without folding over and passing out of the concrete was throw a thumbs up from behind me and continue walking. the moment I stepped or slid out of that car, all the thoughts came back, rushing through my head. how the fuck was I supposed to focus on cheer when my relationship was on the brink of ending. I felt tears well up in my eyes just thinking about it. obviously I wanted things to end but its been a year and a couple months. I don't know how I was going to just break up and be fine. when I swung open the doors to my cheer studio I saw coach and couple other girls sitting down, tying their shoes and fixing each other's hair. coach waved at me once I got through the door. I made my way over to the other girls and gave them each a hug with a very fake warm smile plastered on my face.

"hiii, are you okay you look like you've been crying?" Taylor spoke in a soft, caring mom kind of tone. why is everybody so worried about if I was crying or not. its not that big of a deal just let me cry. I nodded aggressively "mhm. yeah I'm good." the two girls, Taylor and Caydence, looked at each other and they obviously could see through me. I held back even more tears when they shrugged their shoulder continued talking, I knew they didn't believe me but they didn't push an answer out of me like Nika and Paige.

a part of me has always been interested in basketball but the other part kept telling me that I was talented enough or masculine enough. Nika was always an inspiration to me even before I started cheering for UConn. sometimes after practice, as long as there is no performances and I'm not being held back by my coach, I like to go to the public gym and practice basketball by myself. every time I do, I always wish that there was someone there to practice with me. that is part of the reason I went on to cheer for UConn basketball.

i was still stretching when some more girls off the team walked through the door. makeup done, lashes curled ready to go. I still sat in the corner with a couple mascara streaks running down my face. sadly, there weren't any wipes anywhere in the studio so I had to sit with dried cracky mascara on my face instead of my lashes. I stood up after stretching and actually set my bag and water bottle down at some benches before going up to my best friend, Farah, and squeezing her tightly. she had just walked through the door holding a bag with her cheer supplies and another that had a bow tied around it. it wasn't too big but definitely noticeable. my eyes were immediately drawn to it but I waited for her to bring it up after we finished hugging.

"don't act like you aren't wondering what's in here." she shook the yellow back in front of me, letting me take it out of her hands. I scrimmaged through it and found a piece of paper in the bottom. it looked blank until I flipped it over.

mother fucking Farah.

"YOU GOT ME TICKETS TO OLIVIA RODRIGO? WHAT THE FUCK?" I squealed loud enough for the entire team and coach to hear. all eyes were on me but I didn't care. there was literally no reason for Farah to do this at all. shes just a really fucking nice person. she bent over, holding her stomach with laughter pouring out of her mouth. I felt all sorts of feelings rushing through me. confusion, happiness, more confusion, a little bit of sadness because there was only one ticket at the bottom of the bag.

that when everything died down. I realized that she only got one? no way.

"wait did you-" I began to question but Farah stopped me by shoving her finger over my lips.

"nope." she pulled out her hand from her bag and there were two other tickets. why two? why two. two. fuck.

"for Asher!" she held onto my wrists more excited than she was walking inside of the studio. that giddy smile on her face fell quickly. there is no way I'm bringing Asher with to a concert that he wouldn't even give a shit about. all he'd care about is getting in my pants afterwards because my feet will hurt too much to walk away and say no. I pulled myself towards Farah's ear and whispered softly "Asher cannot come with. I'm planning on breaking up with him."

Farah's eyes widened once I pulled my mouth away from her ear. all she did was nod and dropped my hands back to my side. we walked over to the bench and continued waiting for the rest of the team to show up.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

practice went smooth. now its about to start. UConn and Iowa. fuck I'm nervous. I've been a UConn fan for years and this game is one of the things I've always wanted to see in person. they start introducing players while the cheer squad was doing our main routine to the rhythm of a random Taylor swift song. I think it's I knew you were trouble. ironic. the one thing I was not allowed myself to think of was Asher. if I wanted to think about him I would just trick myself into thinking about Nika. wait that came out wrong. anyways. I was just let down on the floor after doing a thigh stand and the team continued dancing until it was finally tip off. I scurried off the court with the rest of my team and sat to the side while a couple girls above me kept moving around with pom poms. we got the ball first and stayed in the lead for a while.

as much as I was pretending to focus on the shots all the players were making, I couldn't peel my eyes away from Nika. she was on Caitlin Clark's ass. not even letting her shoot a three pointer. shes doing so good. she had her hands surrounding the ball, barely letting Clark shoot at all. I admire her for her defensive skills. I believe her aggression really helps with that. shes passionate. she obviously wants to win but on court it looks like shes playing with her life on the line. but she does it with ease. the one thing I kept forgetting was that this could be her last college game. ever. no one knows where shell go after UConn. lots of people are saying overseas and I think that would be the death of me. I watched every move she made. not in a stalker way but in an invested in her game way. the way her hair swayed back and forth while she shuffled around Caitlin. the way she already had a couple balls of sweat falling off of her forehead. I would be lying to myself if I didn't think she looked really hot right now.

and I'm up again. Caydence was holding onto my hips before she tossed me in the air, I landed on her and angels palms before flipping off and landing feet flat on the floor. still holding a pretty fake smile on my lips. once it was someone else's turn to do a crazy flip, I took the chance and looked back at the bench, watching as Nika took multiple sips out of a Gatorade water bottle. her hand rested on Paige shoulder while she shot something that probably motivational and worded beautiful to Paige's ear.

the game was going smooth until the 4th quarter. I could feel my blood boiling while watching the timer tick lower and lower without our score going higher. this cant be happening. 3.9 seconds on the clock. I could practically feel the vibrations of every UConn fan tapping their feet waiting for someone to shoot a three pointer and give us the win. but no. a foul was called on Aaliyah. I don't think it was a foul but what do I know.

as much as I was desperate for us to win, I knew we wouldn't be taking home the win this time. 4.6 seconds. now Paige. what is it with these bullshit calls.

i never liked Iowa. in my opinion, Clark is good at basketball but can be conceited and over hyped. of course I didn't want anyone to come at me with that when Iowa "wins the natty" so i'll have to keep that in my head for now.

i started calming down, trying to accept the fact that there wasn't a point going on but they from the far side of the court I saw Caitlin Clark. the basketball player dubbed as the goat and a women's basketball savior, bounce a basketball off of her so called friend? fuck that shit. I almost stood up and sprinted across the court. me and Paige may not be close but I cant take shit like that. Farah rested her hand on my thigh, telling me to not do anything. because its "out of my control"

it could be in mine. just saying.

and just like that, number 20 gets the ball, throws it in the air, and declares the win for Iowa. I could physically feel my face getting hotter with each tear I saw fall from Nika's eyes. Iowa doesn't deserve this. they have everything. and UConn gave up everything. I couldn't stop myself from crying too. I shoved my face in my hands trying to dry the tears that were slowly ruining my eye makeup/ I feel fucking terrible. how could UConn give so much for this and barely get anything back. just the noise of all the Iowa fans cheering and laughing and the sight of them smiling made me sick. I wont even hide it. I was jealous. jealous that they had such dick riding refs.

who said that.

i wanted, so badly, to stand up and wrap my arms around Nika and Paige and Aaliyah and all the others to just give them some sort of recognition but we had to go. coach led us through the tunnel and that was it. I sat on a bench in our locker room, debating what to do.

and I figured out what to do. right then and there.

even with my hands on my forehead, crying and stressing, the inside of me was happy because I knew that someone wouldn't be feeling so bad on April 22nd.

#nika muhl #basketball #lesbian #uconn wbb #uconhuskies #paige bueckers #never be like you #Nika muhl x reader #Iowa wbb #nika x reader #cambrinkisbae

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im-dehydrated05 · 2 months

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I need help from all the resident lover people because I usually love everyone else’s work, but I really harshly criticize mine, so can you guys tell me if this is good? Should I continue this? Idk man. The Oc takes MC place so yeah…

To Break Away From Fate

This is an OC x RL Story

Something's wrong...

Something's terribly wrong.

I keep remembering — I keep remembering.

My heart has no pity on me.

I hurt them.

I hurt them because I chose them.

What happened? How did this happen? I only thought it was a joke. I thought that Bella had finally gone mad from all the stress and work she did.

I just wanted to help.

I didn't believe in it. In the loops, the school being a cult, but then I started to remember the other time lines and all the outcomes. I felt sick; I didn't want this, but fate didn't give you a choice.

SHE didn't give you a choice.

Miranda: "We belong together, don't you understand? It doesn't matter how many times you resist me or how many times I have to restart. The loop will only stop when you are who you are meant to be. When you finally come back to me, that is what fate has planned for us."

I almost laughed at her words, "When you are who you are meant to be," after I chose her. She wants me to change completely to be like the ghost of her lover.

I finally chose her.

I chose her so many times, and yet...

YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH...

And suddenly, all that sadness turned to ANGER.

"I don't give a fuck about your Fate."

I clenched my fists so tightly that I felt like I might draw blood from my palms with my nails.

I almost wish I did.

You deserved it.

"They didn't deserve that, and you know that. I'll never be that woman you fell in love with, and you know it."

And just like that, the facade Miranda had been putting up shattered in an instant. Once she discovered that it wasn't 'me', her face immediately turned cold. She made her way toward me.

Miranda: "I see... this loop seems to be another failure."

I backed away from her, a startled look on my face as I looked around her office. I knew what those words meant, and I knew exactly what came next, but where was she—

?: "That's too bad. I was finally starting to like this version of you."

A deep voice behind me said. There was an ease in her tone, like she was amused by the boldness of my words. As if she had been here the whole time.

My breath hissed as I turned slowly, thinking maybe I could talk my way out of this. If she kills me...

I don't want to forget everything.

You'll forget.

Rᴜɴ

Tᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ғᴏʀᴇsᴛ...

sᴀғᴇ

"What the hell?"

My vision became blurry as a strange voice called out to me. My mind dissociated, seeing a vision of a small lake surrounded by trees.

Tʜᴇ ғᴏʀᴇsᴛ

I groaned, my vision finally coming back. Mia's knife was the first thing I saw as she swung it at me. My body jerked back as my hand grabbed onto the blade, pulling Mia towards me before I delivered a kick to her stomach, knocking the air out of her. I didn't even feel the blood running down my palm as the adrenaline built up in my body.

Rᴜɴ

An exit I need to get out of here, but Miranda and Mia were blocking the only door, so I did what any person under the influence of adrenaline would do... I jumped out the window, but not before getting attacked by Cornelius, who scratched my face, leaving a nasty cut on my cheek. I smacked him away, finally jumping out of the office and sprinting towards the forest. My body moved on its own, taking several turns before it finally stopped. I hunched over, catching my breath, and looking around.

It was the lake—the lake I saw before.

A feeling of comfort and safety overwhelmed me as I walked closer to the lake. I tilted my head, looking at my reflection in the water. My tired self could only manage to lift my eyebrows in surprise, my expression shifting to a frown as I got on my knees to get a better look at my reflection.

It was me.

Yeah, no shit... but my clothes looked different—a 1960s type of style.

"What?"

I reached my hand toward my reflection. My hand touched the water, dyeing the water red. I hissed at the pain, finally feeling the wounds that were inflicted on me. My hand didn't pass the surface of the water, leaving me confused until my reflection smiled softly at me. My soul almost left my body as I jumped back.

"What the fuck!"

It was quiet for a second before I heard a merry laugh coming from the lake.

"Wᴇʟʟ, ʜᴇʟʟᴏ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛᴏᴏ."

I didn't dare to move at this point, questioning if I was going insane... already.

"Hᴇʟʟᴏ, ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ sᴛɪʟʟ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ?"

Okey, so I have officially gone insane.

I let out a shaky sigh before standing up and wobbling back to the lake, feeling dizzy. My reflection tilted her head, a frown on her face.

"Yᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ʙʟᴇᴇᴅɪɴɢ ᴏᴜᴛ."

I nodded very carelessly, the words not really processing in my head. I felt a cold sensation all over my body, my muscles aching as I lay down next to the lake, trying to listen to whatever my reflection was saying.

"Sᴏ ᴀs ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ ᴛᴇʟʟ, I'ᴍ ʏᴏᴜ, ʙᴜᴛ, ᴡᴇʟʟ, ɴᴏᴛ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ. I'ᴍ ᴀ ᴘᴀsᴛ sᴘɪʀɪᴛ, ᴀɴᴅ I ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴇxᴀᴄᴛʟʏ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ sᴏᴜʟ sɪɴᴄᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ I'ᴍ ᴅᴇᴀᴅ—"

I steadied my breath, feeling like I was having difficulty breathing, and closed my eyes when my vision was going black on the edges.

"Sᴏ I ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ sɪɴᴄᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʟᴀsᴛ ɴᴀᴍᴇ ɪs Bᴜᴅʀɪᴏʟɪ, ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ʜᴇʟᴘ ᴍᴇ sɪɴᴄᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴀɴᴄᴇsᴛᴏʀs ᴡᴇʀᴇ—"

The sound of pounding blocked the voice speaking to me, and I could hear my heart slowly stopping before everything was quiet.

It was quite, still, so peaceful...

Until a voice broke the peaceful silence and another and another. They're here again. Too many voices. Too many memories. They all overlapped over one another, and then... they started to make sense.

"...Eva!!"

"We'll bring her back..."

"—choose you every time-"

"Romeo-"

"—star.."

"...worried about you-"

"—wait in the car for me—"

"...no matter where we go-"

"—roses look good on you..."

"you were going to leave-"

"...Italian will do won't it?"

"—I won't let you go..."

"...believe me..."

"—love and be loved."

"—doesn't matter how many times I have to do this, who you go to, what you do, I will reset this as many times as I fucking HAVE TO!

*beep*

Drenched in sweat and with a racing heart, Aurora jolted up, finally waking up. She looked around the room, a sigh leaving her lips as she noticed she was in her dorm room.

Wait a minute. Shouldn't she be back with her friends in the apartment? She shouldn't be at the university yet.

"What the hell is going on?"

#resident lover #bela dimitrescu #daniela dimitrescu #cassandra dimitrescu #fanfic #donna beneviento #constructive critism welcome #angie beneviento #mia winters #mother miranda

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itwasthereaminuteago · 1 year

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|| Rough Road ||

Frank Castle x female Reader.

Tags/warnings: 'annoying acquaintances of circumstance' to lovers, fingering, oral (f rec), unprotected sex (wrap in RL!), swears 😯

Author's note: This is for the TFC December fic challenge 'Snowed In', so check the tags for more!

If you enjoy my fics please consider reblogging, it means others get to enjoy them too! Thank you so much for reading! 💕

"I think we should try and find somewhere to pull over." you say to Frank. You had been driving for hours and the snow was coming down harder now.

"Mm, I'm pretty sure there's a motel about 15 miles ahead, we can make it, get a couple of rooms and start again in the morning." He replies, concentrating on the road.

You stare up through the windscreen at the neverending horizonless thick grey-white of the sky and the flurry of heavy flakes building up on the road ahead of you. "I don't think we'll make it that far."

Sure enough after another couple miles the road became impassable, you had hardly seen any other cars ahead of you or coming the other way for most of the drive. It was gonna get dark fairly soon.

"Shit." Frank says simply, turning off the ignition after he stopped the van at the side of the road.

"Thank fuck I've got cell service" you say, "I'm gonna call for a truck."

While you were on the phone Frank checked his paper maps for the nearest habitations, but there was nothing that warranted risking trying to walk through a snowstorm at night.

"Okay, the rescue company is dealing with shitloads of people in similar situations and 'cos we've got a van and some supplies they're saying we're further down the list. Earliest they could get to us is tomorrow morning."

"Alright, well they'll probably have cleared the roads by then. Guess that ain't too bad. Just gotta hunker down for the night."

You kicked at the dash in frustration. "Urgh. I told you we should've left after the storm, now we're stuck here in your stupid van, which stinks by the way."

"Stinks?" He screwed up his face in disbelief. "What of? I keep it clean!"

"Of you!"

"Listen, as much as you're a complete pain in my ass it was too dangerous to wait in the city any longer. Now the Russians associate you with me…"

You threw your head back against the rest and sighed. "Yeah. I know. Just gotta lay low for a while." you parroted.

"This ain't exactly my idea of heaven either sweetheart."

You hated when he called you that. Even though it was just an automatic thing for him and it didn't mean anything it really annoyed you. He reached into the back bringing out a pack of cards from the seemingly random selection of shit he had squirreled away there. "Imagine you don't wanna talk about what happened, so it's this or I-Spy."

You groaned and nodded as you whiled away an hour or so playing blackjack until your hungry stomach noises got too loud to ignore.

"Alright, chicken or beef sub?" he asked, diving into the backpack.

You chose the chicken.

"Damn, this is really good. You pick them up before we left? Where from?"

"Made em." He replied, taking a bite of his own.

"Huh." You mused, digging in again.

"Surprised I can make a sandwich?" He scoffs.

You shrug. "Surprised you can make a good sandwich. Guess being ex-marine you gotta have some talents."

"You got no idea." He throws you a wink as he takes a sip of coffee from the thermos and you roll your eyes.

After another hour of whooping his ass at blackjack and a lightning quick excursion into the nearby trees and back to relieve yourself, your yawns and heavy eyelids make it clear that you're gonna have to go to sleep at some point soon.

"Does one of us, uh, need to keep watch or something?" You ask him, watching as he crawls into the back of the van and starts digging out a mat, a singular sleeping bag and blanket.

"Nah. Even if they did send someone to follow us ain't nobody getting through this, we're safe enough." He rolled out the bag and caught your awkward look.

You wrapped your arms around you, it was getting cold now the residual heat from the van had disappated. "So… just the one lot of bedding then?"

He nods. "Yeah, usually just me in here y'know, with all my stank."

You rolled your eyes again. "Yeah, I guess that makes sense."

He has to resist the urge to let you panic about sleeping beside him for a while longer, he's not that cruel. "It's okay, you can have it. I'll be alright up front." He sees your visible relief as you process what he's said, nodding and rummaging in your pack for the toothbrush and toiletries you'd thankfully picked up at your last gas stop, there having been no time to grab anything but the absolute ultimate essentials before you left.

The thick layer of snow that had built up around and on top of the van probably provided quite a bit of insulation, but that didn't exactly stop you from being fucking freezing. You tried to snuggle up deeper into the sleeping bag, all your clothes and a beanie on and the blanket on the top, but you were still cold. You tilted your head up to glance at Frank in the passenger seat, still awake with his jacket on and arms wrapped around himself tight, the occasional puff of his breath misting the air.

"You awake?" You ask, already knowing he was.

"Yeah. You alright?"

"Cold."

"Yeah."

The silence between you seemed to stretch on forever. You pull the blanket tighter around you.

Fuck it. "Uh, if you want, you could come back here, share the blanket? And y'know, body heat will help I guess."

"Thought you couldn't stand my stink?" He throws back at you.

"Well, the cold is kinda trumping that, but it's fine if you don't wanna… just thought it is your stuff after all, don't wanna put you out of your own van."

"Nah, s'good idea." he agrees, climbing into the back with you. You shiver at the initial chill as he lifts the edge of the blanket to lie next to you, your back to his. His jacket is cold against you but after a while you began to warm up, stopping your shivering and finding yourself drifting easily to sleep.

When you wake up it's still dark but you're warm, hot even. As you gradually gain a bit more consciousness you realise that the reason is because Frank has you in a bear hug. He must have turned around in his sleep. His arm is draped over you, big hand splayed over your stomach pulling you impossibly close to him. The only skin contact is his nose at the back of your neck, the warm exhales tickling the light hair there.

It's… pleasant, maybe even something more. He actually smells good. You smile to yourself thinking about the juxtaposition of this killing machine, this angry guard dog let off the chain being a big soft snuggly puppy of a man behind closed doors.

You shift slightly in his hold and then freeze.

Okay, maybe not so soft…

Despite the layers of clothing and a sleeping bag between you, it's unmistakable that it's his cock that's hard and pressing against your ass. You try to rationalise. It's just a normal bodily response after all, but do you dare move? What if he wakes up and it gets awkward, you've got a lot of driving still to do if this snow ever clears…

Any control is taken away from you as Frank stretches momentarily and then wraps you even tighter in his arms, his nose nuzzling into your skin and hips slowly grinding against you with a quiet contented moan. He suddenly stops, pulls away as he wakes and realises where he is, where you are, and what he's doing.

"Shit, fuck…" he turns away from you as he sits up scrubbing his hand over his face. "I'm sorry, I uh… it's uh, been a while since… y'know?"

The blanket rustles softly as you shrug.

"Fuck, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-" He cuts himself off as his eyes adjust to the darkness, his ears registering the sound of the sleeping bag zip being opened and his gaze finding the smallest glimmer of soft light reflected in your own.

"It's okay. S'been a while for me too," you admit. This might be the stupidest decision you've ever made when it comes to sex, or even when it comes to roadtrips, but you can't seem to override it. Not when he looks at you like that, smells like that, makes you feel like that. He saved your life but you don't think that's all it is.

You slough off your defensive dislike and begin to embrace something that at least feels real.

His face is a picture in the dim snow-reflected light within the van as you reach for him, pulling his warmth and his lips towards you. He's taken aback, but his hand cups your jaw and you find yourself surprised by the tenderness with which his mouth meets your own. You don't waste a second, catching his wrist and guiding him down to palm over your chest, quickly leading his hand under the waistband of your pants so he can feel just how much he's affected you in this short space of time. It's like you're trying not to have the time to think about it. You both carry ghosts from your past that you've never openly shared, but you know, simply from the slight hesitation in his touch even as you urge him on.

The tender kisses soon heat up. "Call me sweetheart again." You breathe against his mouth, and he groans deep as his fingers meet with the wetness at your core. Your own hands explore underneath his jacket, fingers feeling the hard muscle of his chest under his shirt. You reach down to cup his cock through his jeans and then tug at them, moaning as he hurries to unbutton your pants so he can swipe his fingers through your slick folds. His mouth is on your skin, hungry to taste more of you as you scrabble to undo his pants too, urging them and his underwear down just enough to free his gloriously erect cock. He helps you wriggle halfway out of your pants too and now you're jacking each other off like a couple of teenagers, his fingers slippery and desperate over your throbbing clit, and yours covered with sticky precum as you wrap your hand around and stroke him.

"Oh shit…" you whine, as he skillfully brings you closer to the edge, your hips moving against his hand as he watches you. You forget the cold, gasping as he slips a finger inside you, your grip tightening around his cock making him grunt in such a delicious way that you can't help the words spilling from your lips.

"Frank, fuck me, please!" You're begging, you've never begged for anything other than to stay alive, but you need this, you want to feel him inside you, there's nothing else that will satisfy the ache.

He pauses, staring at you like you've just proposed or something. It takes him a hot minute to register what you're saying, but once those words sear into his brain he moves fast, lips sucking and kissing at the skin of your neck like a brand as he yanks your pants all the way down and off, his mouth following. He pushes up your shirt when he gets to the hem, his tongue trailing right up the centerline of your body to your bra where he mouths over the curve of your breasts before pulling down a cup. You arch your back as he takes your peaked nipple between his lips before he continues downward.

You claw at his shoulders as his nose bumps at the front of your underwear, just giving your clit the barest pressure, teasing you instead of giving you what you need, but you soon change your mind as he hooks his fingers under the elastic pulling them off you so he can bury his face in your pussy. He presses your thighs apart, holding you down as your hips try to rise up to meet the mind melting sensation of his tongue on you, in you. You moan, curse, and praise him as he quickly stokes your need and desire into a sharp dense point where you can do nothing else but implode in on yourself, screaming his name as he makes you feel.

He rises from between your thighs, licking his glistening lips with a small smile. It looks good on him.

"You alright, sweetheart?"

"Getting warmer, could be better." You throw back as you catch your breath and return the smile, yanking him back over you and using your feet to help him push his pants all the way off. When you take him in your hand again his gaze flits between your eyes and your mouth, which he claims in a hot kiss as you guide him to you, reveling in the feeling of the head of his thick cock spearing inside your heat.

"God damn." is all he can say, and you can only agree as he repeats it like a mantra as the slow slide of his cock filling and stretching your cunt has your eyes almost rolling back into your head with a long and loud moan.

You wrap your legs around his waist as he rolls his hips into you, the mental and physical battle he's fighting between going slowly, gently, and pounding you fucking senseless is palpable. He's drawing out sounds that you would never even make when you're alone. It might just be because you haven't had any form of touch from anyone for a long time, but you're more certain that it's all him that's making you flustered, hitting all your spots and stripping you down to a bare wire of being with nothing but his soft dark eyes.

That growling, barking, flesh-ripping fighting dog is still there underneath, you can feel how he holds it inside himself, yanking at the chain and always ready to be released when there's a need. The fact that he's driven you out of the city is proof that he actually cares what the fuck happens to you, and that sort of blows your mind. You could have easily gone alone, you were ready to jump on a Greyhound and make your own way but he wouldn't have it. He made you his responsibility. Yeah he was a killer but he was also a protector. Your protector.

He wasn't much of a talker but with his dick buried inside you he's soon gritting out reams of praise that have you clenching around him and mewling as his hand squeezes over the firm curve of your ass.

"Feel so good girl, s'fucking tight…"

You inhale sharply as he reaches between your hot skin to find your clit and ensure that you feel what he's feeling. Your fingernails graze over his scalp and the short hair at the nape of his neck as you pull him even closer, your second orgasm building up fast as he drives into you over and over.

"Ohh, god-"

"That's it sweet thing," he murmurs against your ear as the indescribable feeling of his cock dragging inside has you both on the very edge. "C'mon angel, such a good girl f'me."

You keen at the praise, something he'd unlocked from your subconscious with the simplest key, something even you didn't know you would react to. "Fuck… you're gonna make me-"

Frank feels you start to shake around him, moving his fingers even faster over that swollen little bundle of nerves. It's too much.

"Shit. You feel too fuckin' good, I gotta-" He moves to pull out suddenly and you claw at his ass stopping him before he does, you'll be damned if you don't feel him come inside you.

You whine as he stills. "Fuck! Don't stop, don't fucking stop…"

He looks for your assurance. "You sure? You want this?" his voice is quieter now, wavering. If you say yes he doesn't know that he'll last.

You nod frantically, tilting your hips up, wrapping your arms around his neck, the movement making him groan as you feel like utter heaven around him. He never thought you could be so soft, so open, needy.

The van rocks gently on its suspension as he resumes, every powerful thrust as he's fucking you punching such beautiful sounds from your throat. He can feel every gripping twitch of your perfect cunt as you begin falling apart underneath him, so tight, hot, and wet and quietly begging him to fill you. Your nails dig into the muscle of his huge shoulders and your mouth falls open, thighs tightening their hold around his waist as your moans crest. Don't stop, you told him, and he briefly wonders how he thought he ever could when you feel like this.

"Good girl, fuck- that's my good girl…" it's whispered and desperate, he's barely holding on by a hair.

The possessiveness in his words makes your eyes scrunch up tight and your body open. His cock is hitting you hard right where you need it, the focused touch of his fingers radiating out and burning you up.

"F-frank I-"

You unravel, crying out as you clench around him again and again as torrents of pleasure rip through your entire body. Your eyes fly open, locked on his, determined to witness how he might follow you into bliss. Your hips buck up chasing his own, his harsh warm breath washing over your skin with a deep, sensual moan as he finally lets go, pulsing inside you, not stopping the slowing, stuttering motion of his thrusts until he's given you absolutely everything he's got.

Laying there still entwined, a deep satisfying rumble from Frank's chest breaks the contrasting near-silence as he carefully rolls you on top of him and strokes his fingers lightly over your cheek and along your jaw, sliding them into your hair as his lips brush yours in a soft kiss.

"Frank..." you hum, your forehead resting on his. You can't stop your small nervous giggle as you're still unsure about what this is.

"Yeah." is all he says in return, his hands gliding down over your bare back and your hips, the sleeping bag and blankets forgotten now that inside the van had become a damn sight warmer. The windows with the covering of snow on the outside almost glow through the misting from your body heat on the inside of the glass. It's like you're trapped in a snowglobe. The image soon shatters as your mind clears from the dreamy fog of what you've just done.

"Shit. I-I'm sorry, I know that you-" you start to explain all the reasons that you know this is just a one-time thing, more for yourself than him, but he stops you before you can reel off the excuses.

"Hey," he says, gently catching your chin in his hand and running his fingers lightly over your skin. "We don't need to do all that shit, y'know?"

You can't help looking anywhere but in his eyes.

"Hey, c'mon, it's okay." He repeats.

You wish he wasn't like this, wish he would be colder with you, go back to the sniping, reluctant, thrown-together partnership, or whatever it was you had before. It takes effort but when you manage to meet the warmth of his gaze it feels like something you could get used to looking at.

"Look, it is what it is, yeah? I'm gonna keep you safe, no matter what."

You nod and allow him to pull you close to his chest, feeling the rise and fall of his breath and the thump of his heart through his ribcage.

"It is what it is," you murmur, your eyes growing heavy as you melt into sleep.

Frank tags:

@divinearchangel @saintmurd0ck @castlesnchurches @mindidjarin @hellskitchenswhore @pedrito-friskito @sweetieswiftie @shedaresthedevil @freshabogados

@father4giveme @stress--relief @e-dubbc11 @whistle1whistle @tea-and-wine @emiemiemiii @imherefordeanandbones @phoebe-danvers @munsonownsmyass

#TFC December challenge #frank castle x reader #the punisher x female reader #the punisher smut #frank castle smut #TFC challenge #frank castle x female reader

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greenbergsays · 1 year

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The Bookcase of Ill-Repute is no longer in my closet, which is sad really, because that was a great joke, having all the gay books in the closet

My collection outgrew the space, though, and the Teenager needed a bookcase of his own, so we switched stuff around and now we're both happy

Behold, the NEW Bookcase of Ill-Repute:

Knife sold separately, ofc

#rl shit #my dresser is now my closet #what happens when I have no more room again?#NO CLUE #I may have to turn my whole room into a library 😂#not for nothing but 10 years ago I never would’ve thought I’d have this many queer books #oh how times have changed

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day-at-rhodes-island · 6 months

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Idk about Lone Trail.

It's not generally bad, but for the big Rhine Labs event there sure was a lot of stuff that wasn't Rhine Labs (it could definitely do with a little less Preserver).

Like, I get that they're following up on some of the RL story bits that they've planted in other things, but they probably should have given more time to Kirsten and Saria and just generally explored the pre-established character relationships more.

Also, Silence and, even more so, Ferdinand are main characters for no reason. Why? Genuinely, what was the purpose of giving them that much screen time?

It ended up being an event about legacy and progress that just happens to feature RL, and that seems off to me.

Also, the Doctor and Muelsyse thing is entirely unnecessary, and I want everyone to give them shit for it when they open the event survey. We can't have them doing this again.

#I dont hate it as a whole it's just a little :/ y'know?#arknights #lone trail #ramblings #just let the doc be a funky little creature who's sad sometimes #don't involve them in your waifu bullshit #don't involve ME in your waifu bullshit

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donnabenevientosimpingzone · 5 months

Note

Hey! Now that you’re back I wanted to ask about Resident Lover? I remember you were on the team- but then the game came out and your name wasn’t on the dev list... what happened?

I can’t escape this question can I- and for those of you who messaged me, I did delete them in hopes of avoiding this- but I don’t want rumours to spread so lemme be transparent.

Also pls read this for how I’m handling coming back to this blog: https://www.tumblr.com/donnabenevientosimpingzone/741337986608873472/complex-feelings-and-absolute-pandemonium-about-my

No, I wasn’t kicked off the team, nor was I invited back when I left- and they made the right choice doing that. I was not mentally stable. I didn’t take the project seriously, I had jealousy issues, and didn’t take criticism well- I self destructed badly- blew up and burned that bridge to ashes, not to mention what sorta hurt I caused the team.

It did hurt a lot when I saw the game release. I was so upset, and spent so many weeks thinking about “what if I didn’t fuck up”. But there are no “what ifs” in history, we are meant to go through what we do in order to become the best versions of ourselves. The whole ordeal was part of the last push I needed to finally seek professional help. And the fact it still hurts whenever I see it around means I still care and carry guilt about everything that happened.

I’m practicing exposure therapy to try and heal that gaping wound. RE8 has turned my life completely on its head and I don’t want to abandon it- the best outcome will be the day I can download and play the game and find it within myself to genuinely love it with no more wounds to lick- but for now I’m content with seeing it float around every once in a while on my dash.

Out of respect- I hope none of you will pester the devs about this either. They did something amazing, and I’m so proud of what they’ve accomplished. Out of all of them I really miss MJ. They were the best, most hilarious friend- I always thought they were super attractive- and the whole reason the game was possible. Show them some love- idk message them “you’re cool!” for me or something. Anon ask if you have to. Don’t tell them I’m the one who sent you- I think it’ll be funny to just have a whole buncha people messaging them outta nowhere bahaha

And with that I hope this clears it up and stops people from messaging anymore about it. It’s still a sensitive wound I’m working to heal and I’d like to do it at my own pace<3 I don’t regret the experience, I’m in such a better place now because of it. I would love to make peace with my past self and accept the pain as a part of growing.

Until then enjoy me going back to my usual shenanigans before all the shit hit the fan. I’m very excited to draw more Spider Donna and Beneviento Sisters, I hope y’all enjoy it too<3

Update edit: https://www.tumblr.com/donnabenevientosimpingzone/737803172475781120/stupid-lil-update-i-wanna-do-as-per-my-pinned

Update! https://www.tumblr.com/donnabenevientosimpingzone/737980137572892672/people-who-knowknew-me-personally-probably-arent

Update that shows old sprite: https://www.tumblr.com/donnabenevientosimpingzone/738487941680316416/want-me-as-a-professor-okay-damn-ignore-the

Update where I rant about Angie and Daniela with a cat: https://www.tumblr.com/donnabenevientosimpingzone/740499151828156416/can-we-see-the-png-of-the-angie-sprite-holding-a

Update about the dangie ask on the RL blog: https://www.tumblr.com/donnabenevientosimpingzone/742312364040454144/hey-just-a-heads-up-that-the-rl-team-recently

#ask #I’m not tagging this because the team moved on without me #and I’m happy they did #don’t want to open old wounds #so please #don’t bother them about this #I’m just tired of people messaging me and I knew I couldn’t stay quiet forever or else shit will hit the fan #been on the internet enough to know that wheeze #they’re all very good people and I miss them dearly #I’m so thankful for this experience even if I didn’t see it to the end #I THINK THE TEAM ACTUALLY HAS ME BLOCKED SO IM PINNING THIS TO GET PEOPLE TO STOP MESSAGING ME CUZ YES I STILL AM GETTING SOME

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hiddenwritingsintheworld · 6 months

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Midnight Rain Ch. 2

(I am so sorry for the long delay, I've been going through so much shit in RL & my writing has taken a backseat to everything, but im working on it and hopefully NaNoWriMo kicks me back into doing what I love!! Enjoy Chapter 2 of Midnight Rain :P )

Rich Mans World Series | Man After Midnight Series | Chapter 1 | Donations | Thoughts & Feelings

“Did you have to be such a bitch about it?!” Sebastian yelled as he rushed after Brooke who turned and slapped him. “You don't have the room nor the worth to stand there and call anyone a bitch when you didn't even have the balls to fucking tell him about what happened!!” Brooke and Sebastian continued to yell at each other, Chris sat in the living room for a moment listening to them fight. He got up, walking up the stairs and moved past them down the hallway as they fought before stopping at your door.

You were lying in bed, facing the window when you heard the door open; You glanced over your shoulder to see Chris standing there. You shot up as you heard Brooke yell, “What are you doing?!” Chris shut the door behind him and locked it. He walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge, looking down at the ground he didn’t dare bring a hand to touch you, or even face you. The silence felt like a weighted blanket draped over the two of you, holding you down in the shadows of a deadly secret.

“I was….saving our wedding photo….that’s how they caught me in our bedroom….when you left, I moved the only one I had from my office to our bedroom. I didn’t care if everything else got destroyed. I could buy new stuff all day long…but not that photo…” he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a photograph of the two of you. He stared at it, the edges were burnt, and he smiled softly. “I love this photo…” he whispered. You were staring up at him, a doe eyed look, evident on your features. Chris was smirking at the camera, but he didn’t care how he looked, he only cared about how you looked in the photo. You were holding onto his arm, staring up at him. He fell in love with it the moment his mother had sent it from the photographers.

“I always liked that photo….” you whispered softly as he turned his head toward you, however his eyes remained on the floor. “You could have called me…” he said as you looked at him. “I was in a sedated state for two weeks in the hospital...they didn’t know if I would make it…Brooke informed them we were separated, that's why they didn’t call you.” you said. “I’m glad you’re okay,” he said looking at you, finally meeting your eyes.

You looked at him, your eyes glistening with tears, “but I couldn’t protect our little girl…” you sniffled as he moved, engulfing you in his arms as you sobbed into his chest. “But you protected yourself…now we can go after the son of a bitch who did this to our baby.” Chris whispered, rocking you gently as he rubbed your back, letting you sob into his chest. You clung to him for dear life, feeling nothing but warmth and safety in his arms. “You don’t blame me?” you whispered looking up at him, as he looked down at you, “No baby…you did nothing wrong, this wasn’t your fault at all.” he whispered kissing your forehead.

You and Chris stayed wrapped in each other's arms for a while, until you’d both dozed off, Brooke and Sebastian had talked to Anthony, sharing what knowledge they all had about that night, which they’d learned what happened to you, and what happened to Chris seemed to happen on the same night. Anthony shared with them how Chris’s physical therapy was going and how he had been trying to figure out who came after him but they were coming up on a dead end.

“I mean…it had to be the Irish right? Who else is at war with Chris that they would try to kill Y/N, and his child?” Brooke asked as she poured each of them a drink. “It's just…..the Irish extended an olive branch to Chris months ago…..well before this happened. Which was weird in the first place.” Anthony said sipping the bourbon Brooke had poured.

Brooke glanced at Seb as she downed the contents of her own glass, causing both men to look at her. “Well that’s great I think but it still leaves the question of who is responsible for this?” She asked as Anthony shook his head; “I don't know…but we need to find out.”

When you woke up, Chris was snoring softly next to you. You hadn’t slept as well as you did that night, since you’d left Chris months ago. You watched him sleep for a little bit before rolling over and staring at the ceiling. You wondered what life would have been like, a little girl with him, would he have spoiled her? Would he’ve gotten up and done the late night feedings and changings? Would he have spent more time at home with you and her instead of out at the clubs? Yes. he would have been the most perfect father to the children you could of had together. A voice called in the back of your mind. You sighed and closed your eyes for a moment, wishing you could go back, beg Brooke to not leave that night.

“You look so beautiful in the mornings.” Chris whispered softly; you opened your eyes, seeing him watching you, as he smiled softly. You felt your lips pull back just a little, smiling for the first time in months. You both laid there, arms and legs tangled together, you both laid in silence for a while before a soft knock on the door alerted you both that you weren’t alone. “Y/N…I’m going to run to the store…Anthony is here for Chris so I’ll make sure Sebastian stays behind in case you need anything.”

“Why don’t I come to the story with you today?” you asked as you got up, Brooke was silent for a moment, “Are you sure? You haven’t left the house since you got home from the hospital.” Brooke pointed out. You walked over, opening the door so she could come in and nodded at her. “Yeah, I feel like I should go with you.” you said, giving her a shrug. “Gotta face the world sometime right?”

Chris sat up, “If you’re not up for it Y/N, don’t push yourself.” But you looked back at him and gave him a small tight smile, “It’ll be good for me, don't worry,” you changed into a pair of jeans, pairing it with a black shirt and tan sweater. You grabbed your purse and walked downstairs with Chris after he’d gotten dressed as well, smiling a little at Bucky and Brooke before looking at Chris, “Um…how about I call you later? We can talk and see how everything is going,” you said, shoving your hands in your pockets.

Chris looked taken back before he nodded, “Right, yeah, I’ll talk to you later and check in with you.” He grabbed his jacket before he looked at Sebastian, “When you get some time, let’s talk about a few things.” he shook his hand before walking out with Anthony.

You left with Brooke, going to the store for the first time since you were pregnant. You noticed how things looked different and the same, you carried on with light talking while you two drove on; and once at the store, you helped her grab a few different things. “Why don’t we get some snacks and have a movie night tonight?” Brooke asked as you smiled and nodded, “I’d really like that. I’ll go grab some chips, salsa, candy, and some stuff to make that dip your mom taught you to make!” you grinned as she did too, “yes!! Okay! I’m gonna go grab ice cream, toppings, and whatever else sounds good!” she took off toward the frozen section while you went to grab a basket and grab your list. This was the first time anything really had sounded good to you in a long time.

As you shopped you reached for a bag of chips, when another hand reached for the same bag. You looked over, withdrawing your hand and apologizing when the gentleman in front of you chuckled and handed you the bag. “I’m sorry, here, front bags are always fresher,” he said smiling at you. You were frozen like a deer in headlights, he was handsome, and a dazzling smile to match. “Oh, uh,” you let out a soft giggle, “Thank you, but go ahead, I can get a different bag.” you said looking up at him as he grinned at you, placing the bag down in your basket. “Don’t worry about it sunshine. I don’t mind.” he winked before turning to grab a bag himself. He was tall, with short, soft, blondish-brown hair, bright blue eyes and a dashing bright smile. “Well thank you sir,” you felt yourself blush as you stared at him, he was captivating as he stood tall and smiled down at you, “I’m Steve…Steve Rogers,” he held his hand out to you.

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