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mr-ribbit · 2 months

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gonna rant again bc im seeing a lot of trans women on my dash having to carry the heavy lifting to argue for their basic respect and a lot of other queer people who want to ??? get mad about that apparently. for the record as usual: im tme, im not speaking for anyone besides myself and my perspectives, but I am trying to reach out to fellow tme people to level with y'all from inside the house.

i thought we all got past the 'calling people gendered terms when theyve asked you to stop' thing in like. 2012. i swear we were allllll on board with not calling women dude anymore, nerfing sir and ma'am, neutralizing collective terms for groups, and all of that was like, during the onceler era. that's how we got off-putting shit like folx into the mix - remember???? why are we here again.

to those who I've seen claiming that they REALLY genuinely don't want to offend anyone, and that theyre trying to understand the dude thing, and they don't want to be seen as transmisogynistic when they aren't: ok. let's talk about it. step one, stop sending that really loaded anon to a trans woman you don't know, and close that in-group hatepost with 100 replies from people name-dropping trans bloggers they don't like. try to open your mind and assume for the duration of this post that I am not cynically trying manipulate thousands of tumblr users into making Bro the next big swear word, but a fellow queer human being who thinks you're all being pretty intentionally obtuse about an upsetting trend in our community

to be clear: this post is about the issue of trans women being called bro, dude, man, etc., particularly in recent tumblr discourse about transmisogyny, and the backlash they face if they get upset about it. this is also maybe moreso about the shitty ass excuses I see tme people make for why they supposedly can't stop doing this.

so let's go through some of the things I've been seeing people say they don't understand, supposedly in earnest, about this issue

"I DIDNT USE DUDE AS A MASCULINE TERM. I CALL EVERYONE BRO. MAN IS A GENDER NEUTRAL TERM"

I'm not actually going to exhaust my list of reasons why dude/bro/man are not strictly neutral, but you should be pretty aware that all words have context. Dude might be seen as neutral in many contexts, sure, but 'woman who is frequently called a man by others' is a situation where the context adds extra meaning to your words, just like calling someone "sweetie" might be neutral in some cases, but if you've got the context of knowing that's your coworker who's half your age, it's a bit less neutral. If you're not capable of reading that context and being tasteful about when you say dude, then you need to at least be ready to respond gracefully when someone asks you to stop. This is the part I'd rather focus on.

"BUT I DIDNT MEAN IT THAT WAY. IM NOT TRANSPHOBIC"

I think you should consider broadening your perspective *beyond* your intention behind the word. people may already understand that you meant the word neutrally and therefore didn't have transmisogynistic intent, but that's not really the entire scope of what people are saying. if that's your only concern, you're just trying to clear your record, not actually listen to what they're saying.

there are lots of words people don't enjoy being called, and in most cases, when they say 'pls don't call me that', people respect that and move on. even if the word isn't a slur, if it hurts someone's feelings, we all as a society have agreed that it's pretty shitty to keep calling them that. if your friend asked you not to call them 'buddy' anymore because their dead grandparent called them that, or something equivalently personal, you'd probably respect that instead of telling them 'but I call everyone buddy!!' right? even if you didn't really understand why it bothered them so much?

there is a prominent tendency for trans women to be denied this privilege, and when they ask not to be called dude or bro, people don't seem to respect this request as much as they would in other situations. when I accidentally use a gendered word and someone tells me they don't like it, I try to respond with something like "my bad, I didn't mean it as misgendering but I can see you were still bothered by it, so I'll try not to keep saying it. sorry!" and most people are willing to accept that. when trans women ask people this favor, a lot of people get VERY defensive, and treat the request as inane or unfair, instead of just apologizing and moving on. this is why people are upset when this happens, and it's why people are calling your actions transmisogynistic

also like you might not be doing this, but a lot of people DO use dude and bro in an intentionally gendered way to make trans women uncomfortable. it's a power play bigots use to talk down to them or otherwise maliciously harass them. do you know what arguments they use to defend that behavior when called out on it? 'oh I call everyone that' 'dude is gender neutral calm down' 'dont overreact its just a word'. by acting like this, youre all just giving credence to those same arguments.

"WELL THEY SHOULDNT GET SO MAD AT ME WHEN I DIDNT MEAN ANY HARM"

they can get as mad as they want!! also, are you sure they're 'mad'? or are they just expressing their feelings about a negative topic to you, and it makes you feel bad, so you have to make them out to be unreasonably emotional? how do you think they should have phrased 'dont call me that' to better spare *your* feelings?

also like, in most cases, these women do not knowww you. if your main response to someone saying you disrespected them is to say "I didnt mean it that way, I meant it in a friendly neutral way", well that's NOT YOUR FRIEND! she has no idea what your opinions are or what you think of her!!! she has no reason to assume you only upset her in a friendly way and not a bad unfriendly way! but she did get upset, and she did the one thing she can do which is *tell you what upset her* and your response is to say "well actually you shouldn't be upset at all"??????

and another thing:

it's not just the issue of using the word 'dude', it's because you're coming off extremely dismissive of women who have asked you to stop doing something that harms them, and because your argument is basically that they just shouldn't be so bothered by it. or that they're stupid, irrational, or otherwise crazy for telling you that it bothered them at all, just because you Technically used a gender neutral word according to Your Rules. be honest, does that seem fair? If people were calling you something that bothered you enough to ask them to stop, and they responded like this, how would it make you feel?

focusing solely on your intent and what the words mean when you use them is the same thing as saying "just get over it". no woman should need to Prove to you that 'dude' is gendered for you to care about what she's saying. the fact that you're asking people to do that sucks and makes you look bad, which is why people are arguing with you and calling you a misogynist.

especially those of you who are only doing this with trans women who are actively arguing with. you're wielding misgendering as a cudgel and we can all see it, grow up please.

#discourse cw #transmisogyny cw

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kaiaelsher · 1 month

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Why is MC of LnD so overlooked?

I've seen so many people calling mc a redflag, hating her even sl*tshames her for things that... wasn't even her fault?

It's not her fault that she is destined to be entwined with three men in her lives? All she did was being kind and then fall for each one of them, MC, too, have never had a choice to begin with, in every universe she always have this heart problem, in every universe somehow the men always knew things more than she does. About her forgetting the men, it's not her fault? She literally never wished to forget any of them. She is an innocent kind soul that was dragged to the mud in every universe she gets to live in.

I'm completely BAFFLED when I saw people starting to call MC a redflag because, are we playing the same game? 😭

How could someone who, despite her mortality in the middle of immortal people, wished for her immortal crush to get what he wanted upon the starfall that only happened once a century, when she couldve wished something for herself instead: is a redflag?

How could someone who is a redflag, accompany and love the cruel and cold foreseer, never leaving his side even as he is dying by his mistake of betraying his God, embracing him, crying for him when he couldn't even do that for himself? How a could a redflag be the warming sun of Zayne's life, that is filled by coldness?

How could someone who is a redflag, willingly gave out her heart to her "slave" so he could save his people when, all her life, she has been thinking the only thing she's lived for was for the kingdom that trapped her inside a suffocating castle? How could this someone who is called a redflag, at the end, willingly abandon the kingdom she wanted to protect just to be with her beloved?

Her sacrifices, loyalty, and suffering is so overlooked that it drives me mad. Just because she is unaware of things doesn't mean she never suffered, just because she is destined to fall in love with different men in different universes doesn't mean she's disloyal, it's clear that in each timeline MC wasn't aware of other men's existence beside her beloved, had she been aware, she would not fall in love with three men like that, but unfortunately, the storyline make her did. And all of you blaming her for this thing is messed up.

#love and deepspace #otome game #dating sim #love and deepspace rafayel #rafayel #love and deepspace xavier #xavier #love and deepspace zayne #zayne #rafayel love and deepspace #xavier love and deepspace #zayne love and deepspace #lnd #lads #love and deepspace mc #main character #yall are so blind it makes me so mad #bye

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myuminji · 1 year

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Just a comic about two people catching up again [Angel AU]

[ID: A Trigun comic of Wolfwood after his death in Trigun Maximum.

Abbreviated ID: Wolfwood is now an angel with wings and a halo tied to his grave. He cannot be seen or heard by others, but Livio visited his grave and mostly filled him in on the finale, and Wolfwood waits for Vash to show up. When he does, Wolfwood is stunned and worried by his black hair, though he deems Vash fine when he pulls out drinks for them both.

Vash pours the drinks and talks. He confesses that he killed someone and calls himself a coward and the worst, apologizing for being selfish and not saving Wolfwood. Wolfwood angrily shouts that everything was his decision, and Vash is an idiot for blaming himself.

He says that Vash has done so much for Wolfwood and for others, and he calls Vash brave. Vash falls asleep with tears in his eyes, but he seems lighter when he wakes up. Vash leaves, promising to return, and Wolfwood says that he'll "watch him from afar... again." The title is "#1 'What happened to your hair?'". Full ID below readmore in 21 paragraphs.

The comic starts with a dark, noise-filter panel of the Punisher being used as Wolfwood's gravestone, with the quote "Nicholas D. Wolfwood has died" written over it.

Below that is Wolfwood, who has wings and a halo. He sits pensively and narrates, "At least, that's what everyone has come to believe, including me. Yet here I am, still roaming on this damn barren planet... But I wouldn't say I'm quite alive anymore. Since I couldn't feel hunger or thirst like I used to." He thinks, "'Ghost,' like those horror stories was it?"

He narrates over sketchy panels of himself frowning while floating next to his grave and yelling at Livio. "There, are other things I found that fits the term, like how I can't bring myself to far too far from my grave, or how others can't see me at all." We see Livio tearing up and saying "Nico-nii..." while Wolfwood furiously waves his arms and shouts, "I am!! Here!!!!"

Livio is shown speaking with a teary smile while Wolfwood leans against Punisher and listens. Wolfwood says, "Livio is the first and only person I've met so far. And luckily, he was quite a storyteller. I was able to get a grasp of the situation, and its aftermath. And what happened to him in the end."

Livio smiles and says, "It's been three months ever since... But even if we couldn't get ahold of him now, I'm sure he'll come back to you someday." Wolfwood narrates, "—And knowing that idiot, he probably would."

A close-up of Vash's coat in the wind as Wolfwood narrates, "So it didn't come as a surprise to me when he visited my grave. I'd even thought up of things to say when we meet again. Everything was thrown out of the window when he appears, of course. I could vividly remember the one question that burns in my head..."

Wolfwood looks shocked as Vash, hair fully black, waves cheerfully, "Yo! It's been a while, hasn't it? Wolfwood." Below the two floats the question: "#1 'What happened to your hair?'"

Wolfwood sweats, "Spikey, your hair. Doesn't it mean... Are you okay???" Vash smiles sheepishly, "Ah, I hope you're not mad I didn't come sooner, don't haunt me please..." Wolfwood shouts, "That's not the problem right now!!" Vash pulls something out and exclaims, "But look what I got for you!! Alcohol!!!" Wolfwood shouts, "What sort of person do you see me as!?"

Vash excitedly pulls out a bottle and two shot glasses. "It's not the only reason why I'm late, but it did took me a month to hunt this down... I recall you said you wanted to try them, right?" Wolfwood buries his face in his hands and says, "Where the hell are your priorities... You know what, yeah. I'm not gonna ask anymore since you look fine."

Vash smiles a bit tiredly and says, "Hmm,, I'm glad this place hasn't turn to ruins yet~ I've still got lots I need to tell you that's happened out there! And I thought it's better to talk about it with drinks on the side…" He clinks two glasses together. "So, cheers! ..."

He and Wolfwood are both awkwardly silent, and Vash sweats and frowns nervously. Then he pours a glass onto the ground, and Wolfwood furiously shouts, "D'ya really expect me to drink off the ground!? Stupid needle noggin!!!!!"

Vash laughs sheepishly, and he speaks via empty speech bubbles while Wolfwood listens, drinking with a small smile. Vash says, "... And when that happened I..." He drops his gaze and says between long pauses, "I..... When that happened......" Wolfwood watches him seriously as he says, "... Say. Wolfwood, is this how you've felt all the time?"

Vash looks down sadly. "You I see, I... killed someone in the end." He laughs, eyebrows drawn in. "I guess you're right. I am bound to choose someday." He takes another sip, then downs it and falls backwards. "Isn't it funny? That I've called you a coward once for killing... But guess who's the coward now~? It's always been me, isn't it?"

Vash lies on his back and laughs. "... Haha. I wonder if you're laughing too. I really am the worst, aren't I?" Wolfwood looks down as Vash continues, "You've done so much for me, but all I've caused you are troubles. I was selfish, always chasing after my own goals... That you couldn't ask for my help. That I couldn't save you. Just what kind of friend am I?"

Vash scrubs his eyes with an arm and says shakily, "Sorry... Wolfwood... I'm so sorry..." A close-up panel of his mouth shows Wolfwood saying, "... Just so you know--" Expression unimpressed, he exclaims, "There's no way in hell I'm accepting that lousy apology! You drunkard!"

He stands up and seems to kick Vash, who's still on the ground and mostly out of sight. Wolfwood demands, "Why are you even sorry for something like that, huh?? I chose my own path. It was all my decision! How many times do I say it to get it stick in that thick head of yours? Stop. Blaming. Yourself. For the things. You've not done. Idiot! Stupid spikey hair!!"

Vash's face is cut off, but a tear in his eye can be seen as he weakly says, "... oof.. wood..." Wolfwood looks tired and sighs, "... Ha... Don't feel bad about me. Until when will you realise just how much you've done for us? You've done more than enough for me, Needle Noggin."

The perspective zooms out to focus on the sky and two moons, including the fifth moon. Wolfwood's wings and the Punisher can just be seen at the bottom. Wolfwood says, "And you're brave, to go against what you've been taught your whole life. You're not a coward. You faced them until the end. So don't sell yourself short like that next time, okay?" We see Vash's face, smiling with tears in his closed eyes. Wolfwood concludes: "I'll get mad."

Wolfwood narrates, "—He passed out right after for the whole night on the cold ground. I realised how little I could help in the situation." He tries to drape his coat over Vash, sweating, and wonders, "Wouldn't it just pass through ...?"

Time passes, and Vash gets up with a sneeze and rubs his eyes. Wolfwood watches him with his eyebrows raised, and Vash laughs quietly and a bit nervously. Wolfwood narrates, "As if he'd heard my voice, a burden seems to be lifted off his shoulder when he woke up. That, or maybe he'd forgotten what happened last night. He was quick to take his leave right after.

"And so, Vash the Stampede went on a journey with a promise." Vash waves goodbye, turning to leave with his bag in hand. "I'll be sure to bring back more stuff next time!! See you later!" Wolfwood concludes, "While I watch him from afar... again." Wolfwood sits below the Punisher and waves back, saying with bemusement, "Has he never heard the phrase 'do not disturb the death?' He really throws me off..." The title is named, and it says "/ END." End ID]

[link to Image ID reblog post!]

#''if you can't go to see the world I'll bring the world to you instead'' post trimax vash who often comes back to ww bringing things he foun #and it piles up. alot.#i have up to 8 chp of these tho idt i can draw them all haha #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun #trigun maximum #trimax spoilers #trigun maximum spoilers #vashwood #centric #/p

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lovewithmary · 6 months

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(not) moving on — a max verstappen x stark!oc x charles leclerc series

★ fc: madison beer ☆ summary: evangeline "evie" stark is in love with her best friend, max verstappen, but he tries his best to keep her at arm's length. but what happens when she starts to get close to his fellow drivers in the paddock?

previous next series masterlist

"Why are you and Charles hanging out all of a sudden?" was the first thing Max said when Evie let him into her hotel room.

She wouldn't have let him in if it wasn't for the fact that the guy was a famous F1 Driver and if people saw him waiting at the front of her hotel room, people would talk.

"What happened to hello? Hi? How was your day Evie? Or, how about 'I'm so sorry Evie for getting mad at you and ignoring me until I hang out with Charles!'" Evie remarked.

"This isn't funny, Ang," Max told her.

"So it's Ang now? I thought I was Evie," Evie snarked.

"You're being ridiculous," Max said, sitting on Evie's hotel bed.

"Max—"

"Maxie."

"What?"

"Maxie. Not Verstappen, not Maxie. Call me Maxie because you're the only one I let call me that,"

Evie had momentarily forgotten her anger at hearing that, not expecting something so sentimental to come out of Max's mouth. But she once again got angry, "What are we? Because one day you act like a boyfriend and another you call me your best friend," she said, crossing her arms.

"I don't know,"

"How can you not know? I told you I wanted to be with you but you dismissed it—"

"I did not dismiss it. But can you blame me Ang? You haven't had the best history when it comes to dating," Max cut her off.

"What does that mean?"

Once Max realized what he said, he looked shocked. Whether it was because he said it or Evie was there when he said it, she didn't know. "What do you mean I don't have the best history when it comes to dating, Max," Evie repeated.

"I've seen you go from one person to the other. I haven't seen you had a steady relationship since Peter. And you guys only broke up because you realized that he and MJ were better for each other," Max said.

"What does that have to do with you and me?"

"It has everything to do with us! Because how would I know if you're not going to be like that with me?"

"You're different Max! I would never do that!"

"You would never do that until another driver comes along to steal your attention," Max blurted out before he realized what he said.

Evie's facial expression turned from confused to angry to sad. "Is that what you think of me? Someone who's just going to throw you away when a driver catches my attention?"

"Ang—"

"No, Max. You don't get to call me that. Not after what you just said,"

"I didn't mean it—"

"You know, Max, I've been called every name in the book by media. They see me as Tony Stark's daughter and expect me to date the population of New York. But I didn't care. However, when you, my best friend, say the same thing, I can't help but think what you're saying is true,"

"Ang, I was just angry—"

"It's too late. If you truly think of me like a slut, then maybe I should be one,"

#f1 imagine #f1 instagram au #f1 x oc #f1 ig au #f1 oc #f1 smau #f1 social media au #f1 x reader #f1 x y/n #f1 x you #max verstappen smau #max verstappen x oc #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen fic #avengers crossover #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc x oc #charles leclerc smau #charles leclerc fic

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calisources · 1 month

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𝐑𝐎𝐘𝐀𝐋 𝐒𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐆, 𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘𝐀𝐋, 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐊 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐓𝐋𝐘 𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐑𝐄𝐒.

All sentences on this meme have been taking from different media and sources. They all touch on the topics of romance, difficult and forbidden love, mostly setting in the political schemes of war and peace and royal court. Change names, locations and nouns and you see fit. Some lines might have foul language.

Sometimes we hurt the ones we love, but hurting ourselves to avoid it doesn’t make it better.

Could someone treat you badly and still love you?

Even so, in the midst of this complicated love, there is a holy union.

Love is complicated. It’s sticky. It’s bliss and it’s a mix of emotions. It’s not easy.

I hated him now because I has loved him then.

I'm not like you. I can't afford to be reckless.

When have I ever, since the first instant I touched you, pretended to be anything less than in love with you?

Are you so fucking self-absorbed as to think this is about you and whether or not I love you, rather than the fact I'm an heir to the fucking throne?

You at least have the option to not choose a public life eventually, but I will live and die in these palaces and in this family.

She wears a crown that never should’ve been hers.

Your wish is my command, my queen.

You can always leave my service.

Don’t you see, Diana? If I did that, I’d break not one but two hearts. For I know you love me, though you haven’t said it yet.

You do know me. I love you so much, it sometimes terrifies me.

You are going to regret that, Your Magical Regalness.

Just because I am a prince doesn’t make my life a fairy tale.

So kiss the others for all I care, but don’t hold back with me.

You are enough to drive a saint to madness or a king to his knees.

He didn't marry you to become king. He became king because he wanted to marry you.

I know I have but the body of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a king.

I believe we are what we make ourselves, and as such, you, Crown Princess, are nothing.

You, what are you? The brat of lucky parents who were related to a childless king.

Rule with the heart of a servant. Serve with the heart of a king.

There’s a fine line between gossip and history, when one is talking about kings.

You can't treat royalty like people with normal perverted desires.

We kings do develop a certain ability to recognize objects under our noses.

...alone is such a nebulous state when one is queen.

I respect you as my king, and I respect you as my father, but I do not respect you as a man.

You're the most important person I've ever met. And I should have never met you at all.

Desires are what can most easily ruin us, lovely.

I find that happiness can always be recollected in tranquillity, Ma’am.

It's almost impossible for those who have had an intimate relationship to return to a formal one.

I question if within you is any magic.

You’re my princess, right? You were always going to be my princess, no matter what you were born.

The king is a saint and cannot rule, and his son is a devil and should not.

For kings, the world is extremely simplified: All men are subjects.

A king deserves reverence when being addressed.

Yes, she had abused her title and station before, but for minor stuff, not to steal a warship.

You are a king worthy of their allegiance . . . with a queen full of fire and promise.

When God calls you into His Kingdom, your way of life will reflect royalty if you serve Him with loyalty.

My royal status is both a shield that protects me and a sword that impales my heart.

You know, for a pampered princess, you have a certain gift for violence.

I have to be seen to be believed.

Kings needn’t raise their voices to be heard.

That is your very own myth. The idea that how you are born or the name you are given dictate the sort of person you really are.

I know that names have power. That is why I cannot let her forget hers.

You’ll have to face it, Princess. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but soon enough. And you can’t be this scared when the time comes.

A bad king revels in his importance. A good one hates his office.

Crowns belong to those that serve.

She was their witch queen, and they adored her.

Beatrice is going to be queen someday.

Kings are only kings because one ancestor was quicker than another to place a crown on his own head.

Queen, do not allow a commoner to dethrone you. Own that throne. You are royalty.

A throne won in blood will soon be drenched in it.

My mother once told me that everything is fuelled by either money or sex, because both lead to power.

Even when she's dethroned by hardship, she still wears the sun as a crown.

She holds a nation’s fate within her shaking hands. She wears a crown that never should’ve been hers.

My reign has been anything but traditional. Let’s not start now, shall we?

Oh honey, someday a real man is going to make you see stars and you won't even be looking at the sky.

Every girl thinks about growing up in a palace. Few ever ponder living in a cage.

Climb up the family tree of any of them high enough and you’ll find a commoner who dared to take a chance.

Am I forbidden to do what all may do?

My arrival saved the kingdom, while his only reiterated that his blood would fill the throne one day.

Slow down there, princess. How do you know what kind of first impression you gave me?

So none of the young men we encountered during our season gave you hot pants for them?

If stubborness were all that was needed to be a good queen, I'd rule the world.

I’d decided that I was going to stop dressing like a princess and start dressing like a queen.

Don’t touch me. Don’t tell me how beautiful my eyes are, how soft my hair is, how you love to hear my voice. Don’t. Don’t pretend you are falling in love with me.

I know you are lying, and every word you say hurts even more.

Before the wedding, and the bedding, when I will have to take you as my lord and husband?

I may not be a king or a queen, but I'll be damned if I'm not treated like royalty.

He is fragile, like a prince of ice, of glass.

It is natural that men are going to gather round me, hoping for a smile.

Men only treat women like princesses when they want to use them like prostitutes.

You can smile when your heart is breaking because you're a woman.

I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't do anything but think about him.

Anyone can attract a man. The trick is to keep him.

To save my son, I would plot with the devil himself.

Only fools wait when their enemies are coming, to see if they may prove to be friends.

When a man wants a mystery, it is generally better to leave him mystified. Nobody loves a clever woman.

I wanted the heat and the sweat and the passion of a man that I could love and trust.

I am a fool to own it, but I am in a fever for your touch.

And you are the sort of mistress a man doesn't bother to marry. Sons or no sons.

#roleplay memes #sentence meme #( cali meme. )#rp memes #rp prompt #rp musings #roleplay prompt #political scheme #royal schemes #royal betrayal #romantic heartbreak

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tsukimefuku · 3 months

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Let me die

I've been obsessed with a bit for a fic I want to write, so I just decided to put it here. Nanami fluff and some angst ahead, be careful.

Disclaimer: NO ONE DIES, it’s just a conversation in a bar where y/n requests something.

This is part of my "Jujutsu Partners Canon Divergence AU". A sequence of short stories and random drabbles for a fic I'll eventually write (eventually). To see the ever-growing list of one-shots, please visit my masterlist :)

Disclaimer: they’re NOT written and posted in chronological order of events. To see where this story fits in the timeline, please check the masterlist mentioned above.

You had just finished a mission that left a pretty bad taste in your mouth. You were forced to choose between two people to save, and one of them was your friend. Was.

The glare she had as she embraced her beloved's dead body made you sure that she would never forgive you for saving her instead of him. You chose to save her for egotistical reasons, you knew that. You knew (or thought you knew) that his death would not weigh on your shoulders as much hers would. However, you just didn't account in your egotistical equation how much his death would weigh on her, and how much more suffering you bestowed upon her by choosing to let him die in exchange for her life.

"Nanami, I need to drink." you said on the phone. "I had a horrible day. I'd like some company."

"We can meet at the bar by your house at 7PM." He promptly replied.

You and Nanami had grown close during the course of the last few months. He was assigned to you as your informal mentor until you were promoted from a grade 2 to a grade 1 sorcerer. There was some history before you went to work for Jujutsu High. Both of you met when he was on a mission that led to him eventually saving your life, and your gratitude eventually started to become something more. Sometimes, you wondered if he felt as close to you as you felt to him. These night drinks were turning into a regular thing, and you usually let your mouth say things you couldn't think to say out loud if it weren't for a few beers in, and Nanami being the person you were talking to.

***

After a while, when you spend so much time around somebody, you tend to pick up on their mannerisms, like their brows frowning, the way their mouths twitch when they feel mad, or how they are dead silent because they're drowning in unsaid things.

"What is it?" Nanami asked, out of the blue, surprising you. Both had already been drinking for a while, and you specifically were 4 beers down in misery. "I can hear your thinking from the other side of the table."

“I have a request for you.” You answered.

He took another sip of his drink, and said, unfazed, "What request?"

He inquired like he already knew you wanted to ask something from him, even before you knew you would.

"If you’re ever faced with a situation where you have to choose between saving my life or someone else, don’t choose me." you said. Nanami lifted his gaze to meet yours, and seemed surprised.

You continued. "Please, don’t make me live with the fact that me being alive is because someone died in my place and I had no choice over that. Don’t assign me that guilt.”

It would be something harsh to say to anybody, but you knew Nanami. You knew him well enough to be sure he'd not take that as an accusation of sorts. That's why you chose to tell him this kind of "if this ever happens" desire before telling anybody else. Shoko would probably chastise you for such a request, given you were prone to overthinking and martyrdom, and Gojo would never listen to that in the first place, simply doing whatever he felt like.

Nanami went silent for a while, mulling over what you asked him to do. Different from you, someone that had a little trouble controlling your emotions and how they impact your words and actions, Nanami was the man that you used to call in your head as nerves of steel. You had never seen him lose his composure. Ever.

He started talking, his face lightly flushed from alcohol. “There are two sides for this. You assume I’d be willing to live with the guilt of not saving you when I could have done so."

You were not expecting that answer. He was the most dutiful sorcerer you had ever met — hell, he was the most dutiful person you knew. If there was one thing Nanami was known for, it was not letting his emotions interfere with his judgement when making a decision. You never thought he could ever feel guilty if you died in a situation where you gave him permission to let you die.

"You'd feel guilty?" You questioned.

"Yes." He replied. "Your request would make me live with a guilt I don’t want, either."

"My request of letting me die, with my authorization, to save somebody else?" You inquired.

"Yes." He replied, looking down on his glass.

You were both silent for a moment.

"I can't accept your request, because you’re assigning me your guilt just as much." He took another sip from his now almost empty glass of whiskey. "I don't think I could bring myself to let you die, even if you asked me to.”

That pulled on your heart strings. Hard. You were instantly flooded with all the memories of the time you two spent together working, or simply chatting like this. All the times you had a silent but deep understanding of each other. Could he be...?

"I never pegged you for someone with any dose of egoism of not letting someone go when they'd rather die." You responded.

"Not letting you die." He answered. His answer made you fluster, ever so slightly, and you reclined yourself in your chair, trying to hide your face in the bar's dark ambiance.

“Would you ever curse me for that?” You asked. "Curse me for dying to save somebody else?"

“No, I wouldn't.” He replied. "That's who you are, and that is something about you that I respect, even if I don't understand it."

You chuckled softly, trying not to get too emotional. The alcohol was not helping. “Well, I might just have to curse you, then.” you responded, smiling.

“To curse me for saving you, you'd have to be alive.” He bottomed his drink. "I can live with that.”

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu nanami #nanami kento #jjk nanami #jjk fanfic #nanami x reader #nanami x you

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rowanwithaz · 4 months

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The Doubt Of Izuku's Feelings

If you think Katsuki's romantic feelings may be more apparent than Izuku's...

I kinda understand.

Izuku could love Katsuki,just not romantically.

But,here's the thing,we have seen time,and time,and time again that the feelings Izuku feels for Katsuki are different from the ones he feels for Katsuki. I have no doubt in my mind that if Katsuki's romantic feelings are cannon,then so are Izuku's.

"Kacchan and the others"

Izuku OBVIOUSLY sees Katsuki differently than he does the rest of his class,sure we could sum it up to them being childhood friends,BUT,even though Izuku gets extremely close with the rest of his class,he still separates them like that.

(This whole scene is gay as hell).

But,I'd like to bring up something interesting:

We established Ochako's crush on Izuku before this happened. (Y'know,when Ayoama said she was in love?) I think it's interesting that's a very common pattern. We'll say something Ochako does/feels for Izuku is romantic then Izuku will do the SAME DAMN THING for Katsuki .

After he got closer with everyone else:

It's still the SAME. Kacchan and the others. So,we established Izuku was Katsuki,and from one of the last times we saw him kinda think,still sees Katsuki differently.

Let's not forget my favorite:

Compress's gaydar!

Izuku's feelings are called out for being possessive,a feeling we still haven't seen Izuku feel for any other of his friends,speaking of,

Even thought most of Izuku's friends are okay,even though they had managed to prevent Tokayami from being kidnapped,he still sees it as a complete loss because of his different feelings for Katsuki,which even Kirishima notices!

So,yes,Izuku's feelings are different,they aren't like the ones he has for his other friends,we have yet to say what these feelings are..or have we? We'll check in with that soon!

Black Whip

When Izuku gets Black Whip,we all know it has to do with Kacchan on some level. But,how do we know this is the case? How do we know Katsuki is the one triggering Black Whi-

Oh,yeah,it was said directly in the manga. (I'll talk about this scene in another section).

BUT,Black Whip is all about Izuku keeping his emotions in check,controlling his heart,I've said it before,and I'll say it again:

Black Whip is the result of negative feelings,caused by strong/positive emotions. Seeing someone you care about so MUCH,get hurt can make you get mad. Yes,Izuku obviously cares about everyone,and he gets upset when they get hurt too,but as I stated previously: we've already established within the manga Izuku feels differently about Katsuki,so it makes sense his anger would be more intense/different since that's how he feels.

Black Whip is about keeping your negative emotions in check,

SO,why does Izuku control his heart,and what does it have to do with Katsuki? Well,Black Whip kinda seems like a metaphor for being closeted,but here's the thing:

If you're like me,you think Izuku struggles with internalized homophobia,and,here's something kinda sad,since the feelings he feels for Katsuki are so tied to Black Whip,he views his feelings for Katsuki negatively,that's why Izuku is so hell bent on "controlling his heart," since he sees the way he feels about Katsuki like this. It also doesn't help that his feelings only seem to hurt Katsuki.

Izuku doesn't want to hurt the person people he loves (I'm foreshadowing in my own damn post,deal with it) with his negative emotions,and since his biggest feeling seems to only bring negativity,he should control his heart.

Toga's rejection

Here's something extremely important when considering Izuku's feelings:

When and how he rejected Toga.

In the rejection; he brings up the fact,

He understands,wanting to be like someone can be fulfilling,it is to Izuku too (which no one brings up?) but he could never hurt someone he loves. And here it is,guys. Izuku literally says he loves "All Might" in this romantic context,but here's the thing,we already know Izuku feels closer to someone than All Might,we already know Izuku has been chasing after and trying to be like someone.

It's Katsuki. How do we know if it really is him? Clues! First,

I've seen people say the narration probably isn't by Katsuki,but we all have already seen "That damned nerd" as something Katsuki would say. So,even if it isn't Katsuki (which I think it is!) We already get the impression "oh,yeah,Katsuki."

Also think that little coincidence is telling. ALSO. Those who are worried about Hori doing an Izuchako endgame,Izuku rejecting Toga's feelings is the same as him rejecting Ochako's. Since we've established the way Toga and Ochako feel about Izuku is very similar.

Targeting

The villains quite literally target Izuku because of his feelings for Katsuki (this kind of goes with the first section) but why doesn't he directly target anyone else with the same mindset?

Because of what Izuku feels for Katsuki is so much different than everyone else.

And Monoma! He targets Katsuki to get a rise out of Izuku when he realizes that making fun of,or threatening Izuku's group doesn't work.

Then, of course,when we have this scene,it honestly clears the air.

When he says Katsuki will be a "present" for Izuku ,well,what does Shiggy say to Izuku when he sees him?

How do we know it's romantic? Well,the last chapter we saw Izuku in was all about 'romance ',isn't it odd it turned out like that? A love confession,then this. Just interesting timing....

And those are just the basics! If you feel like Izuku's feelings may not be romantic,I think it's important to note we have Izuku do the same things Horikoshi has established as romantic to Katsuki. I mean,when Izuku doesn't finish his thinking when it's about Black Whip or Katsuki? That's very similar to how Ochako was with Izuku. Which,yes,guys,Izuchako is very important for GreeNade and Togachako's development. I'll probably make a whole post about my thoughts on that sooner or later.

Anyways,this has gotten to long.

#Dkbk #Bkdk #GreeNade #dekucchan #mha #Bnha #midoryia izuku #This kinda got away from me #Deku #I've not made a post solely on Izuku #In a long time

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 1 month

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AITA for calling my friend spoiled?

So my friend still lives with her parents. She is 27 years old and still has dinner cooked for her every night, has her parents clean her room, has them do her laundry, etc. They only just asked her this month to pay some money towards house bills like internet etc and she complained for hours about them “stealing her money”. Now being spoiled isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it’s great her parents are willing to still do all that for her. The problem is my friend tells anyone and everyone that her parents are abusive.

To be honest she’s pretty bad at remembering events accurately. For example someone will give her constructive criticism, she’ll be a little upset, then with each retelling and the more time that passes she’ll build it up and up in her head until it becomes “this person SCREAMED INSULTS at me” and she’ll be genuinely distressed over it. She genuinely remembers stuff this way, she’s not lying exactly. She’s been upset with me over stuff I’ve supposedly said or done and when I’ve asked her to find the conversation she’s talking about in chat logs etc she’ll look back and realise it never happened or it was said completely differently and then she’ll be shocked and apologise.

The stuff with her parents is the same kind of deal. We’ll be on call, I’ll hear her dad calmly say “Can you put your clothes away in the bathroom please?”, and by the time she’s back she’ll be upset and ask me “Did you hear my dad scream that at me?”

She tells all our friends that her parents are abusive and constantly screaming at her and forcing her to do stuff.

For context as to why this upsets me a bit, I grew up in a hellishly abusive household. Not going to get into details but it went as far as having knives held to me, having my fingers broken, being homeless for almost a year. So hearing her call her parents abusive all the time when they do so much for her and treat her so well and all our friends offering support and joking they'll fight her parents really frustrates me. I watch her and her dad chase each other down the driveway to give each other hugs and I feel so envious of how comfortable and good their relationship is.

I recently stayed with her for a few months while I recovered from a surgery over Christmas and. it just got worse from there.

On Christmas she got more presents than I've ever seen in my LIFE. Her parents got ME more gifts than I've ever gotten! One gift she threw out the instructions and then got frustrated she couldn't work it, and in front of me she called her mom through, and snapped at her that her gift didn't work and it was useless. Her mom apologised and asked if she should return it, and my friend was just like "Well it's too late now isn't it!" I was just sitting there in shock because it felt so rude and ungrateful

The other night we were with friends and she was telling them about how her dad had made a joke about her being spoiled. She turned to me and said “AM I spoiled?” in a way that clearly expected me to say no and back her up.

I just kind of snapped and had enough and I said “Honestly? You’re one of the most spoiled people I’ve ever met.”

I said it in a kind of light-hearted tone and she played it off like a joke, but she seemed really mad I’d said it in front of our friends considering she’s been telling them how bad they are all this time.

Since then I’ve had a couple of our friends come to me and ask what her family is really like and I’ve said I don’t feel right talking to them about it if my friend doesn’t want me to, but it’s made me wonder if I was an asshole for saying it considering it’s clearly made our friends distrust her word now. And they potentially realised I wasn’t joking with the fact they’ve come to ask me privately about it.

AITA for saying it in the way and situation I did?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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beguines · 2 months

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would you be able to recommend any books/resources that provide a good intro to anti-psychiatry? rlly fascinated by this subject

to be clear, i wouldn't describe myself as explicitly anti-psychiatry. people very close to me rely on psychiatric medication in order to relieve symptoms that aren't just disruptive to their role in capitalist society but cause them immense suffering in general. while i have had particularly negative experiences with psychiatric medication, i have also seen it save people's lives and pull them out of acute crisis. i've been seeing a therapist for four years who has had a very positive effect on my life and has always been respectful of my refusal to take psychiatric medication.

i also think it is necessary to acknowledge that while psychiatry and psychology are disciplines that enforce capitalist hegemony, the alternative to being capable of functioning within capitalist society isn't much of an alternative at all when capitalism's inescapability is part of its very nature. that being said, i think it's extremely important for anyone living with mental illness, being treated for it, or supporting someone who is to be aware of:

the insufficiency of the biomedical/disease model and the very slow speed at which the field is moving away from it

the inability of medical professionals to identify the etiology of any mental illness

the immense risk associated with virtually all psychiatric medications (particularly antipsychotics and mood stabilizers)

the very profitable marriage between psychiatry and the pharmaceutical industry

the influence of western (and particularly american) hegemony over how we treat what we call mental illness

the prevalence of coercive/forced treatment

i also think it's extremely important within that context to do your own research and ensure that you're engaging with material from a variety of different sources, maintaining an awareness of any biases they may have and how those affect their research and conclusions, whether they skew towards anti-psychiatry or not. the most important thing to do if you or your loved one has any kind of illness is to be well-informed and capable of advocacy, which is largely why i've been doing a bit of a deep dive on the subject lately.

what i'm reading now:

desperate remedies: psychiatry's turbulent quest to cure mental illness by andrew scull

psychiatric hegemony: a marxist theory of mental illness by bruce m.z. cohen

psychiatry in crisis: at the crossroads of social sciences, the humanities, and neuroscience by vincenzo di nicola and drozdstoj stoyanov

other recommendations:

i think your best bet for more introductory material would be robert whitaker's work, including anatomy of an epidemic: magic bullets, psychiatric drugs, and the astonishing rise of mental illness in america and mad in america: bad science, bad medicine, and the enduring mistreatment of the mentally ill. he started an organization called mad in america which has a lot of resources and information, including a podcast of the same name. there's also a network of associated groups that are based in different areas of the world if you're interested in non-american perspectives.

the medicalization of society: on the transformation of human conditions into treatable disorders by peter conrad

on the heels of ignorance: psychiatry and the politics of not knowing by owen whooley

here is a link to some of the old icarus project zines and pamphlets. i was briefly involved with a small icarus group when i was younger and there were some serious issues with the (dis)organization and some of the principles upon which the local groups operated. i'm sure these still have some useful and/or interesting information, and if nothing else they're interesting relics from the anti-psychiatry movement in the early 2000s. i'm less familiar with some of the newer work they put out before their dissolution in 2020. here is an article on the history of icarus from one of the co-founders, published in 2014.

i would recommend looking into bioethics and biopolitics in general, particularly focault. if you want to get into any of the seminal figures in anti-psychiatry (laing, szasz, etc), i would personally advise a very critical reading of their work. as always, this is not an explicit endorsement of any of these works, authors, or their respective viewpoints.

#ask #psychiatry

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mikaila-orchard · 6 months

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Anduin still gets more respect and dignity than Sylvanas ever did and I'm still mad about it.

Aight, the new WoW trailer stirred up some old animosity that I have to get out lest it fester.

The problem I've had with Anduin for the past few years is something that isn't even strictly his fault, and is just symptomatic of how shitty the writing staff is. In theory, Anduin is an interesting bit of flavor for the Alliance. Someone who was raised in a very turbulent time in the Alliance's history, gone through some shit when he was too early to handle it and is plagued with self doubt because of it. All of this complimented by Velen's vision of Anduin's future going down two very different roads.

Alas, the problem is in execution. Because what we are left with in practice is a character who goes through comparatively less than other legacy characters (Thrall being raised as a slave, Jaina losing her home and loved ones regularly and Sylvanas with fucking everything) but who, by the time Shadowlands rolls around, insists that he is the one suffering the most and everyone else needs to get over themselves. And that wouldn't be so bad (hell, in Shadows Rising, it's kinda treated as a genuine character flaw) but that's not the case because WoW treats Anduin like the moral barometer of the franchise for many years now.

There are multiple examples of this throughout, but the biggest culprit is all across BFA and Shadowlands, where Anduin is made to understand the hardships that Sylvanas and the Forsaken have suffered, most of it by the Alliance's hands, and just shuts it down with "Everyone suffers, stop hiding behind your trauma and rise above it," and because BFA is framing him as the hero and Sylvanas as the villain he gets away with it. In the fucking Sylvanas book, he has the gall to say Sylvanas had a better life than him because she knew her mother and calls her selfish for committing suicide. And of course the book frames Anduin as being in the right about all of this because they decided Sylvanas holding him captive was the time they would even allow to let her reach out to someone and hope they understand her. The deck was always stacked against Sylvanas and in Anduin's favor in terms of audience sympathy.

But then, what happens in Shadowlands? He gets dominated by Zovaal, stabs the Archon (doesn't even kill her), maybe kills a bunch of unnamed npcs off screen, and fights his friends. Not a single tally to add to his body count while he was a puppet. And when he is freed from Zovaal's control, he doesn't lose his support system, he doesn't lose the respect of his loved ones or his people, and he's not put under pressure to just be okay again.

AND YET!

He still goes on this self imposed exile of his, and has been on it for over half a decade at this point, because he is just too haunted by everything he's 'seen and done'. Things that we as the audience don't really see. So in practice, the justification for all this on screen angst is so painfully weak. And yes, there's no wrong way to respond to trauma and there never will be, and Anduin's trauma responses are far from unrealistic.

But compared to Sylvanas, Anduin is giving a great deal more respect and dignity by the narrative for, comparatively, much less. Sylvanas was enslaved and forced to murder her countrymen (onscreen too, we MADE HER DO THAT in warcraft 3) and when she was finally freed, she had no support system besides her rangers and Nathanos, she was feared by her former homeland who only accepted her help out of desperation and was hated and distrusted by enemies and allies alike way before she might have done anything to deserve it. The game even leans into the idea that the Sylvanas who suffered all this trauma isn't the real Sylvanas and we just needed to restore her soul to have the pure pious ranger general back (barf). And she still has to toil away in superhell because the writers were too chickenshit to fully backpedal on the deliberate character assassination the sexual predator on staff forced upon her.

"Oh, but M'Kay! That's the writers fault, not Anduin's! You can't blame him for all that."

Maybe not but a lot of the issue here comes from the fact that so long as the people who enabled this inequity of care remains on staff (IE fucking GOLDEN) this won't stop. So what choice do I have but to loathe the byproduct of this fuckery when it's being shoved in my face like this? What other way could I possibly interpret this disparity other than as misogyny?

#wow #world of warcraft #sylvanas windrunner #anduin wrynn critical #though honestly its mostly christie golden critical #and yes I will probably remain salty about this until the day I die

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nekropsii · 1 year

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Do you mind elaborating on how Dave was *sexually* abused by Bro? It's been a long while since I've read Homestuck but i hear many other creators say that that's an "absurd, chronically online" thing to say. so you specifying that that's exactly what happened morbidly piqued my interest (no pushing of course, given the gross subject matter i completely understand if this is not something you're comfortable with answering)

The idea of calling that statement "Absurd" and "Chronically Online" is baffling to me, because you'd honestly need to do significantly more mental gymnastics to say that Dave hasn't been sexually abused by Bro. It's textual, and it's a major part of Dave's intro.

Putting this under a cut, because you're entirely correct- this is a really touchy, disturbing subject matter. But it still needs to get talked about. Lucky for you, I'm perfectly okay with talking about the darker aspects of Homestuck's writing... Without filtering it through a fetishistic lens. I apologize in advance if this is more rambly than my usual essays. It's an uncomfortable series of topics that's hard to tackle for any normal person.

Let's do this.

Content Warning: Heavy Discussion of CSA, Mentions of Incest and Pedophilia.

I think where people are getting tripped up is that they hear the phrase "Child Sexual Abuse" and automatically think of the worst forms of it possible. It's an easy trap to fall into, and a pretty understandable one. The word "Abuse" is loaded, and perceived as an inherently violent, extreme action- a callous, sadistic disregard for the safety of someone who is seen as weaker, something done only by an unfeeling, inhuman monster who wishes to dominate the victim. It's a violent word, so people envision it as a violent crime.

I can't fault anyone for hearing the term "Child Sexual Abuse" being applied to two brothers with a significant age gap and instantly assuming that what's being said is that the older brother is committing absolutely heinous acts on the younger brother. That is easy to digest. That's the simplest takeaway one can get from that statement. It's a fair assumption. I can't fault anyone for assuming that the phrase "Dave was a victim of CSA under Bro's care" means that the person stating it thinks that Bro sexually assaulted Dave. I can't fault them for having the assumption that what is being said is that Bro is an incestuous pedophile. I cannot fault it for a second. It's just the easiest takeaway, and the most mentally and emotionally intense one. It's easy to digest, and easy to get mad at. Because saying that would be wrong.

Most cases of abuse are more subtle and nuanced than its most extreme cases. Sometimes abuse come in the form of Neglect. Even sexual abuse can come in the form of Neglect.

For The Record: We have no reason to assume Bro Strider ever made sexual contact with Dave, nor do we have any evidence to the idea that he even had any sexual thoughts or feelings about him. To assert that idea as fact would be fucked up. But that doesn't automatically negate the presence of sexual abuse.

What I want everyone to understand is that it is sexually abusive to constantly, wittingly expose a child to sexual material, be it websites, videos, photos, or objects. It is sexually abusive to do this, and the fact that Dave is surrounded by sexual objects and pornographic material- and has been since he was a literal baby- should absolutely concern people. The comedy of it is surface level, and a quick prod quickly reveals the abject horror of the situation.

Bro's main business appears to be in the porn industry, specifically making puppet fetish content. A parent being in the porn industry and having a fetish... Isn't inherently a bad thing. Kinks and fetishes are normal, and so is being a sex worker. If that's what you want to do, go for it. But Bro leaves his Smuppets everywhere, which are, by and large, sex toys. Whether or not they are for his own personal sexual gratification is irrelevant to the debate- if you are a parent and your business is making and selling dildos, it is still your job as a parent to hide those dildos from your kid, even if they're not for your own use.

Dave knows this. He knows that Smuppets are sex toys. Dave is very aware of the fetish porn site that Bro runs. Bro knows that Dave knows this. The sexual boundary between Bro and Dave is incredibly thin- inappropriately so for one's own young child. And Dave, the child in this situation, knows this lack of boundaries is wrong... But he's genuinely not in the right place to fully acknowledge it. He's too unsafe still, so he has to keep making excuses to try and bury his trauma.

[Homestuck, page 461.]

The thing you have to keep in mind throughout reading Dave's entire introductory segment is that "Irony" is a code word. A lot of abuse victims, when they're still too unsafe to fully acknowledge their abuse, tend to make excuses for their abuser's behavior in the form of "At Least" statements. As in, "At least they don't hit me", or "At least I can still talk to my friends". Things of that nature. "Irony" is Dave's "At Least". That's him saying "At least this is a joke", "This is creepy, but at least it's not serious", "at least he doesn't mean it".

All of this Smuppet stuff is creepy, and Dave wishes Bro would stop. He wishes he'd put his puppet sex toys away, wishes he'd stop tormenting him every waking moment of his life, wishes he'd stop forcing him to fight. He wishes he wasn't trapped in an apartment that feels like hell, and he wishes he didn't have to hide any drinks and food he could get his hands on in the closet to get any chance at sustaining his own life and body. He wishes he was a normal kid in a normal home with a parent that loves him, just like his friends.

But hey, it's all ironic. At least Bro doesn't mean it, right?

It all stops being abuse when you declare it to be a prank, right?

It's fine, guys.

[Homestuck, page 467.]

Totally fine.

#homestuck #homestuck meta #homestuck analysis #beta kids #beta guardians #dave strider #bro strider #cw abuse #cw child harm #dave.pdf #bro.pdf #nekro.pdf #nekro.sms

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many-but-one · 1 year

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Hey! Why did I split over something not even THAT traumatic??

I'm here to tell you. :)

So, this particular discussion has come up in our system server before and it's actually something I've wanted to talk about for a long time on Tumblr because I've never actually seen someone talk about this, and I am being hit with a sudden god-like hubris at 3 in the morning, so here we go!

So your question was "Why did I just split? What just happened wasn't even that traumatic. I've been through so much worse in the past, I don't even feel that stressed. What the hell? Am I just making this new part up?" and on and on. The idea that only the most awful and traumatic things are what cause splits in DID (especially later in life, after the childhood trauma window of 7-9ish has ended and especially in adulthood) is actually incredibly false, and I am about to explain why.

Note: This is about traumagenic DID systems, so endogenic systems, please stay off of this post thank you. :) /not mad

Note number two: I do want to get out of the way, that all parts DO split for a reason, there's no parts that exist for no reason (even if the reason doesn't seem relevant to you now, it may have been relevant at the time of the split, OR may have been somehow relevant to your brain even if it doesn't make sense to you now.) So I want to make it really clear that splits do not occur only because of hyperfixations. There typically has to be something going on for a split to occur, and hyperfixation alone will not cut it. Alright, now that I've got that out of the way, let's talk about how DID brains run on patterns.

DID brains run on patterns, like I said. All brains do, actually, but DID brains take it to an nth degree because these patterns that it learns are what help it stay alive in a distressing and traumatic environment during childhood. Our brains are remarkably plastic and they will do whatever is necessary to survive a given situation. It's why something like DID can even exist.

So what kind of patterns do we typically see in brains with DID? Well, the easiest one is that a lot of people with DID have pretty similar alter "types" or "roles." This is just a widespread pattern that you see across a large demographic of systems. It's why terms like "gatekeeper" and "protector" and "caretaker" exist. Because nearly all DID systems have parts that fill those roles, even if those roles aren't filled in the most "traditional" sense. DID is rarely random, every part exists for an express reason, and that reason is almost always symbolic in some way, even if it doesn't seem like it now. Once you start learning trauma memories and WHY parts exist, you very quickly start to see the symbolism and sometimes it is absolutely fucking terrifying, to say the least.

What other patterns are common?

Well, patterns we see in our own system and in other systems are something quite literally called "splitting patterns" which are more common in polyfragmented systems but not exclusive to them. This has various ways of showing itself, and the user @foreverfragmented made a post awhile back that I'm having a really hard time finding, HOWEVER I did screenshot the section about splitting patterns when I first read it, attached below:

Wow that photo ended up bigger than I thought it would be. lol. Anyway. Those are another example of splitting patterns. (Note: in the original post, FF talks about how some of the terms above were coined by them or other systems, so not recognized medically, however I think they were worded perfectly which is why I shared them here.)

Another few examples include alter templates (AKA, splitting the same alter over and over in varying iterations), the same parts going out for the same types of trauma every single time, and why certain alter roles very often have the same "flavor" of personality.

For example, gatekeepers are often considered a bit cold and distant, and can be very analytically minded and rarely react purely on emotion alone. (I feel like the most common gatekeeper Myers-Briggs has gotta be INTJ...that was a joke, lmao.) This is typically for a reason. You have to have a certain mindset and a certain way of handling things to be able to properly manage a system. And this is not to say all gatekeepers are this way, but the pattern of a LOT of gatekeepers being like this is not unnoticed. Our DID specialist could tell pretty early on that our primary gatekeeper (James) was a gatekeeper long before he ever told her he was simply because of how he held himself, how he spoke about others in the system, and how much he despised her for "stepping on his toes"😂 They work together much better now, FYI, but it was rough in the beginning.

An example of alter templates in our system in particular is what we call the "Michaels." They were some of our earliest alters, and our brain was like "hey this guy is working really well, so I'm just gonna keep doing it." And it worked! Then, when trauma shifted to something completely different but in the same vein (CSA) our brain once again attempted to use this "Michael" template. It didn't work quite the same. And so our brain had to figure out these new patterns, which it was fucking desperate to do because we were going through some heinous shit that it could hardly even comprehend. I've learned that basically every blue-eyed white-haired motherfucker in here was a Michael copy at one point, but had elaborated into some other version that suited its job more.

Now, for the example that is going to actually help me explain the answer to the question posed at the very beginning of this post: alters who go out for the same things over and over.

So, depending on splitting tolerance, or whatever you happen to be going through in your childhood, you will likely have various "groups" of alters that handle certain things. If you had a particularly tumultuous childhood with several varying types of traumas, you will probably have several of these groups. And depending on length of trauma time, severity of trauma time, and levels of support during trauma time, these groups may be very large.

For example, if you had a situation like domestic violence (DV) happening in your household, you will have a part or parts dedicated just for DV, and if you also had CSA going on, you will have a separate group of parts (or a single part) who handles only the CSA. Unless your system is quite small and you have alters take multiple types of abuses, this is pretty commonly the case. [Note: want to say this is not subsystems unless these groups are highly separated via either amnesia barriers or inner world (IW) barriers, and have better communication with each other versus the rest of the system. The definition of subsystem gets a little funky, but we're not talking about that. Just wanted to make that clear. You can have groups of alters without them being subsystems.]

"Okay, so yeah, you're right. I have alter groups for [insert various traumas] what does that have to do with me splitting over [insert mundane thing that isn't even really traumatic]?"

Continuing on the "DID brains run on patterns" line of thinking, if your brain has patterns set and understood for the various traumas that you lived through in your childhood, usually up until teen years or adulthood, your brain knows what to do when those traumas occur again. The patterns are set. It's why it's super common for people with DID who experience SA in teen or adult years and don't end up having a split. Unless they have an extremely low splitting tolerance or the situation is extremely unique, the brain will just recycle what it already has. No need to go through the literally massively painful and traumatic experience of splitting again for something it already knows how to handle. This being said, the part that experiences this might end up splitting at a much later date if this trauma is far too difficult for it to handle, this is also common because sometimes it's "easy" to handle the trauma in the moment because they're used to this flavor of trauma but the processing of said trauma afterward can be just as traumatic and can cause a split.

Same if your father was super abusive to your mother, or vise versa, and you happen to have an abusive partner. That pattern is known and comfortable. That's what professionals mean by "DID systems are more likely to be victims of abuse than perpetrators." They return to the comfortable patterns, which, with DID, equals abuse. Things outside of those patterns are dangerous and confusing to navigate and the brain will avoid that at all costs.

However, and this is the answer to the question. What happens when something happens that the brain doesn't recognize in its "pattern database"? I'll give an example.

Say you were very high achieving in school. This is pretty common of systems who were diagnosed in adulthood, so far as I've seen. You likely did really well, had really high marks because your parents expected it of you or were abusive and angry if you didn't constantly constantly succeed in their eyes. This can also reflect in sports, clubs, musical talents, etc. This pattern continues on in adulthood. You push yourself very hard to be high achieving. Whether this be in a college setting, a work setting, etc. You are likely often doing well in those fields pre-system discovery, at least. Post discovery often leads to the "spiraling" phase, which sucks but again that's not what we're discussing.

So, say you have a job. You're hella good at it. You are always receiving praise, you are always getting raises, your reviews are always hella good. You're like "okay yeah, I'm good at this job, so I'm going to apply to a higher paid position in the company that just opened up."

And then...you don't get the job. Well, that sucks. Better luck next time, right?

Wrong. Well, not entirely. That's completely true. But that's not how your brain is actually processing this, is it?

You might tell yourself "oh well" but in your high achieving brain's POV, it's like "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON???? WE DON'T DO THE FAILURE STUFF!!! WHAT THE F***!!!" And it might panic, and several alters might panic, and the host might panic, and suddenly they're spiraling out of control over something that is mildly disappointing at best. Because WE DON'T HAVE A GUY FOR THIS?! We have a guy for SA, we have a guy for DV, we have a guy for medical trauma, we have a guy for bullying, etc. But we don't have a guy for REJECTION?! AHHH! [splits a part just to handle rejection.]

In adulthood, I've noticed both in myself and other systems I frequently speak to, these highly specialized parts are more commonly split in adulthood. Because while patterns are super helpful in childhood when you're experiencing the generally same shit over and over, in adulthood or even late teen years, there's so many effing unknowns that the brain is just like "what the actual fuck is this, this doesn't follow the fucking SCRIPT you guys. The PATTERNS?? Do they mean nothing to you??"

DID is a disorder that is incredibly helpful for survival in childhood and is an absolutely miserable crutch to live with in adulthood. And that's not me saying it super sucks all the time, but the disorder is not meant to happen, it shouldn't have happened, and coping with it without therapy and proper integration of parts and memories just makes adulthood kind of a hellscape, to be frank. There are tons of positives, I am so thankful, don't get me wrong. But there are a lot of downsides too.

So, to kind of drive home some examples of things that can cause a split that might not even be inherently traumatic based on my own experience and the experiences of some folks in our system server:

-(TW: mild NSFW in this one) We had our first consensual sexual experience when we were 19. We didn't have a guy for that. Everything we'd ever experienced throughout our childhood and teen years was not consensual. So when we were having consensual sex with our girlfriend, we were losing our mind because we didn't have this pattern integrated. So we split a guy whose literal only job was "consensual sex" and he was pretty much made to be the "perfect partner" for our girlfriend.

-We have a part whose only job is to play video games. We didn't know why until we realized he was fronting during stressful family gatherings and was playing videogames to pass the time until they were allowed to leave.

-We have a part that split only to handle our irrational fear of getting sick with a deadly illness right around COVID lockdown time.

-We had a part split just to internalize the feeling of "going to hell" due to our religious beliefs at the time.

-We have a lot of parts that split just to hold feelings of anger, sadness, or fear, even in adulthood. This is common in situations where anger or showing emotions was not allowed in childhood, so if the brain decides that's not allowed, when a part gets overly angry they might split a part to hold that anger, which then typically gets buried deep down.

Note about the above example: Trauma therapists often say that anger is one of the last emotions processed when processing traumatic events. Which is why "anger holding alters" are so so so fucking common. Kids and teens and adults get angry and if that's not allowed in some way shape or form, the brain will suppress it. It's also why it's common for people with DID to be able to "turn off" emotions or if triggered, will have a sudden intense burst of emotions (typically anger or frustration) because of how intensely repressed emotions often have to be just to survive living in a toxic environment that would cause something like DID. When you were a kid, you couldn't cry in front of your parents because you would be ridiculed or punished. So you will "turn it off" and go hide to cry later. But if, as an adult, you never let yourself "go cry later," that shit will build up and cause those intense emotional breakdowns, even after something that's considerably smaller scale than what you're used to. Kind of considered the "straw that broke the camel's back." You can be having a shit week with horrible thing after horrible thing and you're doing really well at "shutting it off" especially when around others, because god forbid you let the mask fall, and then suddenly you can't open a cheese stick or you can't find your keys so you might be late, or there's a stain on your shirt right before work, or the entire contents of your bag get dumped onto the floor of your car because you had to brake too hard...and that's when the breakdown happens.

Anyway, to get back on track, there are probably a plethora of other ways a system could split that seem mundane or "not that traumatizing" or alter roles might be super hyper-specific and the reasoning for that is because ✨patterns✨ We love to see it. /sar

Hope this was helpful! If you have further questions, feel free to hit up the ask box or the replies. :)

-Dori🌹

(Again, endos please don't interact, this is not for you. This is for the folks whose DID was caused via childhood trauma. These patterns likely would not exist in someone whose system didn't form from repeated traumas.)

#dorian🌹#advice #did #dissociation #dissociative identity disorder #did osdd #actually did #traumatized #actually traumatized #traumagenic did #endos dni #did alters #did therapy #did system #our brains are like supercomputers and I'm not even kidding #once it understands a pattern #it will quickly assimilate that pattern if the pattern continues to occur #DID brains are freaking incredible #also terrifying

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ladykailitha · 7 months

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I would like to rant about something. It's been awhile since I've done that and it's been kinda bubbling under the surface for a long time.

Again: you can headcanon whatever the fuck you want, this just my "takes me out of a story" thing.

There have been a couple posts that I've seen going around lambasting people for using other names for Eddie then Edward (Edwin, Edison, Edmond etc) when it's on his missing poster as Edward Munson.

Only there is a couple things wrong with that.

One: Not everyone goes through every frame of the show and are actual causal viewers! I know, shocking! (heavy sarcasm here, folks) I personally had seen the missing poster gifed and screenshotted a billion times and never caught that they had his first and last name until someone pointed it out.

Two: it lists Eddie's age at 17. So how well can trust it, really? I know I've seen several takes from production getting the age wrong, to Wayne making him younger so people care, to Kas theory, to even Eddie being one of the kids that went missing before Will and his age is listed as what it would have been in 1983 (which could go either supernatural or Wayne just used the old missing poster from then).

So until there is something ELSE in the show that shows his name AS Edward, you can call him whatever you want, because canon just tells us that his name is Eddie.

So why am I bringing this up?

Because the people going around shouting this bit of information tend to also people who will use one or the other or even both of the next headcanons in their meta/fanfics.

1- Eddie CAN'T swim. This one always takes me out of the story when I see it because we have TWO on screen events that show him swimming. The first is the one most people forget. When Jason and his friends chase Eddie out onto the lake and he falls in. If he couldn't swim, dude would have DIED. But he makes it to Skull Rock. The second time is jumping after Steve. Trust as someone who can't swim, there is no way he would go jumping in after Steve if he couldn't. He would go back to shore and let the kids know what was going on.

So I tend to back out of a fic when I see it, because if you're off about that aspect of his character, I'm not sure I want to read further because what else might they get wrong about him.

2- This one is a doozy for me because it really makes me mad. When they say Wayne is Eddie's mom's brother.

"While all the other dads were teaching their kids to fish or to play ball...my old man was teaching me how to hotwire. Now I swore to myself I wouldn't wind up like he did, but now I'm wanted for murder and soon grand theft auto so...uh, yeah really living up to that Munson name."

Right, I had to transcribe the whole phrase because IMDb only had the hotwiring part. Because it's that last part that is so important to my point. Now I don't know if there are other ways to interpret that line, but if Wayne's last name is Munson and Eddie talks about living up to the Munson name...wouldn't the logic follow that Eddie's dad (named Allen Munson in the Stranger Things: First Shadow play and that's how I'll refer to him from now on to make it easier to type) is also a Munson? So if Wayne, Allen, and Eddie all share the same name wouldn't that make Wayne and Allen brothers?

Now, I think I know where this logic that Wayne is related to Eddie's mom and not his dad, is because how could sweet, hardworking Wayne be related to criminal, most likely in jail Al? Because I don't know who needs to hear this: but even growing up poor in a family that isn't known for its honest living (not that I think all the Munsons are like Al, by the way) one can still chose not to follow in those footsteps. Hell, Wayne could have even straightened up FOR Eddie.

Hell we know more about Eddie's dad then we do his mom. The only thing we know is that she isn't around to take care of Eddie. Dead, in jail, or just doesn't give a damn, she's not in Eddie's life.

So yeah, it upsets me because to me it smacks a little classist. Good guy Wayne can't be related to criminal Al *clutches pearls!* He absolutely is.

/end rant

#ladykailitha rants #stranger things #eddie munson #wayne munson #eddie munson's dad #meta #headcanon

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firegirl888101 · 3 months

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i don’t remember if i ever sent something like this but i got an idea (kind of a self indulgent request…)

(set in the insatiable madness series) reader with younger siblings? that y’know… survive? i don’t think i could handle them dying. having to be their main caretakers now that the parents are gone. whew, poor meow meow reader, having to take care of their siblings AND 11 harbingers. esp if said siblings are really young…

maybe they stayed at home during the massacre at the mc donalds and that’s why they haven’t died, and then reader told them to hide in their room before letting the harbingers in so they wouldn’t find out (eventually they are mentioned by reader and are somewhat pestered by childe to meet them…)

I think I'll also answer a frequent question I get along with this so thanks for requesting it! @magica-ren

I've been frequently asked what happened to the children at McDonald's when the harbingers were killing everyone who wasn't Y/N. (I purposefully didn't write/mention children being at the scene for this very reason 😭)

But, thinking about it after so many people questioning it, I'll address it with some extra information that didn't make it into the chapter/view.

(maybe it did, I can't remember. Either way - the information I'm about to spill is canon to the story...)

It was a Friday afternoon, children were only just coming out of school meaning not many children/teens were at the scene. But, for the children that were in there, let's just say a certain 'Father' familiar with children convinced the other harbingers to let them run away.

As for 'The Father' letting them run away, there's a point they brought forward to save the children's lives.

"Let us not shed unnecessary blood in the company of innocent children. They will have close to no information regarding the one we are looking for, therefore, we should spare their lives."

So, yeah. To the question!:

'Reader with siblings in the Insatiable Madness series'

Originally I was going to make Y/N have a sibling or two. But, as I was planning I realised a couple problems with that.

Most readers will most likely not have siblings. (I don't for an example). When it comes to Y/N's, I like to have them as blank as possible for readers to fill in either themselves or their OC's.

The whole point of the series is to emphasise how alone Y/N is. They are pressured to not say anything, yet somehow introduce and care for their kidnapper's. If Y/N were to have siblings, yes, they would have more pressure, but they would be able to talk to someone about their situation and not worry about them being killed.

That's way too many characters for me to remember and attempt to write. Whilst I'm up to the challenge, there's still some characters the reader's haven't met yet. 😉

In a hypothetical sense though, I can see the siblings being a strength and also a weakness for Y/N.

On one hand, they are a source of comfort and a genuine sign of normality for the reader. The siblings actually care for their sibling and respect them for taking care of them whilst their mum and dad are 'away'. I think that younger siblings would still be at school so they wouldn't know what happened, if Y/N had older siblings... I guess they'd have to give the reigns to Y/N as they're the only one who knows who the Harbingers are.

I can see the siblings as an option for distraction in case Y/N needs to do something that cannot be seen, such as an attempt to escape to call for help. I can also see them as a venting mechanism, and a second opinion towards their plans if they're old enough. They also most likely keep the reader sane during this whole experience and becomes a symbol of hope to them. The siblings also a reason to be defensive against the harbingers, a reason to not give in to them due to being powerless...

One the other hand, the harbingers can use Y/N's siblings to... make them agree and do things they wouldn't normally want to do. They would be in a lot of danger - and could actually be killed if the reader doesn't obey. If the siblings are young, they most likely won't be harmed. But they will definitely be if Y/N hesitates or acts too cocky towards them in any conversation or act... I feel the harbingers would also threaten the siblings behind Y/N's back, causing them to behave strangely and not talk to Y/N, maybe try to convince them not to do something that the harbingers will get angry at.

Buuuuut, if the siblings are young, perhaps some of the more paternal/maternal harbingers whom are affectionate and used to children can gain their trust. Gaining the trust of Y/N's siblings could get them in good favours with them soooo, if they're yandere or looking to emotionally manipulate them - that's their best way to their heart.

Oh yeah, and I think I've mentioned this throughout all of the paragraphs... If Y/N had siblings, they'd be their biggest and most obvious weakness.

There's definitely more to write here, but I've had this ask in my drafts for a couple weeks unfinished now and I want to focus on new asks which include some story involved <3

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