#well and also no one understands the uncertainty like I do because I built all the hardware and wrote all the software

[ghostgirl101]

Imagine if Paul Atreides claimed you as his destiny: PART Ⅰ of Ⅱ

|| Word Count: 1.5K || Angst → Fluff ||

A/N: I had this as a big idea that I had to get down before the basic headcanons and stuff, so here's my take on our Lisan al Gaib 😎 if you like this then hit me up for some relationship headcanons and the like, I'm up for it all. Enjoy reading or watching the movie if you haven't already - I'm going again lol, and screen X is the best way to experience it fr Also I feel like I should write a second part to this lmao, if you liked what you read?

You weren't one for dreams of destiny.

The dreams you had seemed meaningless, confusing, nothing to do with what ifs and what could. Not like his.

But you always seemed to feel some kind of atmosphere, an aura you couldn't quite shake off, even when you woke up from the darkness. There was no face to go with the voice, the voice in the dark that called to you in whispers that you didn't understand. Beautiful words that weren't yours, but sounded so soft and gentle and powerful, as they reached out to you from distant lands.

You could never place them, pin them down and study them, understand them, until the day the Emperor was challenged by a ghost of a lost House, thought to be dead, left to be forgotten. You stand near the Emperor and his guards and men, the Great Houses looming and listening from higher above, as the Fremen fill up the space to watch the confrontation in spirited anticipation.

The life debt was paid. The late Emperor was overthrown. The ascendancy of Paul Atreides rose and took from the throne to claim it.

His attention flicks from his eyes boring coldly into the Emperor's, to meet yours, his voice smooth and set, full of conviction and force.

"Our destiny is together. I'll take her."

Your eyes widen slightly as his words sink in, blinking through the shock and incredulity that rushes through you and makes your heart race in apprehension and wonder. Though his voice twins with your wandering dreams, you don't know whether to feel fascination and longing, or fear and cautiousness at some greater force beyond your understanding, playing out before your very eyes.

"I..." your voice falters in uncertainty and disbelief, and you try again. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me well," Paul responds with an undying, stoic certainty that's almost unnerving. "As I know you."

His eyes study you, his Spice-stained blue eyes bleeding into yours, scanning every freckle on your face and curve of your outfit. Assessing you, knowing you, ridiculous throngs of power filling his aura and projecting onto you with his intense stare. You have to fight not to shiver under it, ultimately failing.

"What of me?" is the wisest reply you can think of before the silence stretches into dangerous uncertainty.

"Everything," Paul says evenly, but there's no mistaking the challenge and determination in his tone, almost daring you to reject him, to disagree, a built-up desire of dreamt promises resolving his stand. "I choose you, as my Empress. We will rule together, over the Empire."

Scepticism and bewilderment washes over you and makes your blood heat and stir, retreating into silence as he takes a step closer to you, gazing at you as if you're the most curious, exotic being he's ever seen.

Desire threatens to override Paul Atreides' reason, clinging onto the hope and chance of a narrow way through to light, a light that could only be sought out with you by his side. Without you, there was nothing in sight but pools of blood replacing luscious marine life and oceans running through Arrakis, disarray and disillusion at every turn and infecting every heart.

You were absolutely perfect.

And you were already his, long before this moment, before you and he were born into the world and named. There was no manipulation needed, because everything was laid out for him to take, welcoming him to rule and grow higher and higher. Fate had bonded you and strung you along to here and now, and as you blink up into his bright eyes that narrow slightly at you, frowning softly as if you hadn't understood his demand.

"Do you know what I am?"

You pause for a moment, speaking slowly and cautiously, as the crowd of Fremen and the wary, late Emperor watch on in tense wordlessness. "You are Leto Atreides' son. Former Duke of Caladan."

"What I am," Paul repeats evenly, "not who I am." He stares at you in silence for another beat, before speaking up again. "Do you know of the Bene Gesserit?"

You stop yourself from glancing in Lady Jessica's direction just in time; the runes patterning her skin, her once soft eyes now spiked with an unfamiliar darkness of ages past. Anyone could get trapped in her watchful glare, and her son's holds almost as much intensity.

"No," you decide on hesitantly.

"Kwisatz Hederach," he adds, taking another step forward until you can feel his breath tickling your cheeks, standing above you with unspoken grace and vigor. "I see the future. A part of me is the future."

His hand is suddenly squeezing yours warmly and tightly, making you flinch slightly and glance down at them before looking back up at him.

"In this future, I am with you."

All you can do is stare at him in awe and wariness, not knowing whether to let your curiosity guide you, or distance yourself as far as possible from the boy who reigns over the dunes.

"Why?" you whisper, the crowds seeming to fade around you as you focus on the boy in front of you, his fingers tangling with yours boldly.

"I've seen it," Paul insists, his tone a touch softer in thought and wistfulness. "All of it. When I am with you..." His grip tightens over yours, the fire in his eyes returning. "We're unstoppable."

"And..." your words dry before you can speak them, and you will yourself to go on, unable to break away from the deep blue hues of his gaze. "And without?"

His jaw visibly clenches at your question, and his hand drops yours, shaking his head only answer as he glances away in slight frustration.

"You don't have the leisure of choice. It's all been made for you, written in the sands and stars, and what you need to do is walk in its path. I will show you the way. You have no other. Do you understand?"

The firmness is strong in his words and glare, making you look away from him too, still in a slight stun over the rush of events. In less than a day, your freedom has been stripped to this young man's desires and destiny, entwined with yours. You, who barely knew him until now, only familiar with his voice, his words, that echoed and rang in your head like a lullaby.

But this feels so harsh and strict. The eyes of the former Emporer linger between the two of you, and Paul's army of Fremen stand behind him attentively, some gazing at you in admiration and hope, of their messiah's promised bride. And she is beautiful.

"That's unfair."

"The future is unfair," Paul says calmly, his collected, cool tone wavering for a moment. "But it will be so much worse without you by my side, and I will not accept that. Not for my people... not for myself."

You stare at him in fascination and caution, lost for words. His fingers rise to brush against the skin of your cheek, sending tingles in their wake and making you fight back the automatic reaction, your eyes following his surprisingly gentle touch. Two fingers trace down the shape of your cheek down to your chin, tilting your head slightly upwards. Just one step closer, and your lips would be touching too.

"Name anything," he murmurs to you, the Fremen straining to hear his voice as it reaches you effortlessly, his expression earnest and determined. "Anything. And it is yours. Only if you willingly wed me in turn. Not as a concubine, nor a mistress."

You blink, then blink again, taken aback as a million thoughts and suggestions race through your mind and make your head spin for a split second. You glance at the elder Emperor, who gazes back at you and the infamous Lisan al Gaib wearily, his eyes clouded with sombreness and light spite.

"I... I don't," you shake your head, overwhelmed by an impossible choice. "I don't know..."

Paul's expression softens into a smile you haven't seen before, one that makes your cheeks flush with colour as you watch him; a gentle, amused smile that's somehow familiar and unfamiliar all at once, one meant just for you, as he disregards his surroundings.

"You will know," he replies quietly, "and I will have you, and protect you, rule with you. Love you. As I am meant to."

Paul suddenly brings you closer, pulling you into a searing kiss without warning. The exotic, earthy taste of the Spice on his tongue floods your senses and sends shudders of ecstasy and heat coursing under your skin and hushing the myriad of thoughts buzzing in your mind in an instant.

When he pulls away, all too soon, you find yourself chasing his lips before you catch yourself, and Paul gives you another soft smile, his forehead resting against yours as your eyes lock.

"And as I long to," he finishes against your lips, his words grounded with a look of protectiveness and desire that makes you instinctively relax further in his hold.

⊹⊹⊹

From beyond you both, his mother smiles slightly at the scene, a hand hovering over her rounded stomach.

The first step has been made.

══════════════⊹⊱≼ part two coming soon ≽⊰⊹══════════════

#paul atreides x reader #paul atreides x you #paul atredies x reader #paul atreides imagine #dune part 2 #dune #dune 2 #dune x reader #dune x you #dune fanfiction #dune fandom #dune imagine #dune 2024 #dune part two #dune movie #timothee x reader #timothee imagine #timothee fanfic #lisan al gaib #paul atreides #house atreides #paul atriedes #x fem reader

[molluskmirage]

Bad and Dapper’s bond

a full on discussion about how absolutely precious it is.

Bad and Dappers bond is so special, its not something you come across everyday and watching it unfold live on screen is a privilege that isn’t possible in other forms of media. So many sets of perfect conditions combined into what is one of the most endearing and precious bonds.

From first sight to now, it is such a beautiful and powerful relationship that is built with love by both players. Bad is a brilliant parent to so many degrees, because Bad was so open to letting his child flourish Dapper was able and willing to accept it and what a powerful dynamic it is. They can communicate without speaking and share each others joy with their mere presence. While Bad may call out worries and commands while fighting monsters they fight in tandem so seamlessly without saying a word. They volley hits so smoothly as an understated comment on how well they understand each other’s movements.

It’s something that could be seen from the very first sighting but as the love blossomed it only grew more and more. When Bad initially walked into the adoption center he was eyeing Chayanne but then he saw Dapper and those little hops and that hat, it was all over for Badboy that was his kid and he quickly became protective standing by him not letting anyone take him ensuring Dapper was his kid as for him he already was. On Dappers end as he has spoken he had seen a little of bbh, liked him enough but was unsure there personalities would gel, but in the moment completely excited for Bad to be his parent. What came next for Dapper was even more sweet because while he stated uncertainty at first before knowing in his words ‘I couldn’t have been more wrong’, there dynamic and bond played out so well it developed into real love.

Bad encourages and supports Dapper in all endeavors (even if some he may be wary of he’ll never stop of thinking of ways to support everything). While Dapper is an obviously skilled player him being able to flourish and be such a character so early on is a testament to Bad’s love and care. Many adults can feel overwhelmed when a little human their in charge of is smarter then them, the lost sense of control tends to lend itself to adults taking that power back by belittling the child or holding them back. Bad doesn't do this, he understands they need to go about something for caution so may momentarily wrangle Dapper but only enough so that they can do the thing with a backup plan for their safety.

Bad treated Dapper as both what he was told and what Dapper exhibited and also left room for ambiguity because he was uncertain by his source of information. Bad was told Dapper was a dragon egg so Bad didn’t hold him to human child expectations. While it may be laughed at that Bad made an actual nest as Dappers first bed that moment shows just how much care Bad is willing to put into appropriate care for Dapper beyond human expectations of comfort and care. Dapper understands this love and care and shares it as well. He loves all creatures and puts his heart and soul into research of there habitats and needs.

Those early moments with dirt poor Bad and Dapper in the side of a cliff to annoy Foolish are such a sickeningly wholesome and sweet experience. The tender love that was shared there really set in stone Dapper and Bads bond and when moments get rough and Dapper gets overwhelmed he falls back into Bad for theses moments of soft songs and comfort. Not watching Bad, Dapper both is and may seem very independent but Bad is his comfort and it’s something to see when he lets himself be vulnerable with Bbh he’s so sweet and soft and little.

Dappers wit makes for the perfect comedy duo play between him and Bad. Because Bad leans into Dappers love of the macabre it creates all kinds of humorous moments that showcase even more the support for one another.

Dapper loves to explore and Bad loves him being able to explore however Dapper is a vulnerable player so in order to achieve some exploration safety measures must be taken. I think audience wise many would assume Bad wouldn’t let Dapper do many things for fear of danger but thats not the case at all, Bad and Dapper completed so many of the most dangerous dungeons in the first few weeks that at the time almost all other eggs weren’t allowed within 100 blocks of. They were able to do this with understanding, communication and safety measures. Instead of saying ‘no you cant do that’ bad says ‘we can do that but we need to set up somethings before going in/ you need to listen when I say to run away’ Bad doesn’t impede on Dappers abilities but guides them through there wants and wishes in a manner that isnt a no but helps them guarantee safety.

They do this all alone together. There was never another in the picture for Bad, he was a lone parent in an environment that wanted to kill his kid. Poor and least audience favored Bad never spoke to any of these obstacles because they aren’t obstacles to him for Dapper. Dappers time and happiness is all that matters everything else melts away for Bad whatever he has to do to ensure that he does for Dapper, time and time again he proves his love without question, for Dapper its all worth it and he’s right. Dapper is such an incredible player smart and funny and sweet. (Admin wise its pretty clear that their a more reserved individual that ramons admin coaxed them to join with him and ccbad fits this perfectly well) moments where Dapper is shy and overwhelmed Bad immediately looks into, they share silent shifts and Bad pulls him away for his thoughts on the matter, Bad will then act accordingly to Dappers wishes while also talking Dapper through them if need be.

The narrative that Dapper is Bad’s parent and not the other way around is a joke thats able to exist because Bad so throughly supports Dapper and his intelligence. Emotionally Dapper is vulnerable, he has a huge heart but has a hard time placing that love without feeling incredibly shy, he depends on Bad for that support and Bad provides that. Thats an unseen practice however to any that dont see Bads pov which is many, there love is so strong and powerful though.

Dapper feels this bond of closeness too and repeats his biggest fears not being his own demise but what that would mean for Bad. He has shown other moments for being defensive for Bad when others try to insinuate that bad doesn’t care for him properly or that bad is a terrible character. And while slight he has also showcased small signs of monopolization (when he feels he can, in general I think he’s very chill/used to sharing time with bad between islanders and siblings but if he lets himself be a little selfish in a very cute manner he does like to hold onto bad) a very subtle wish but one still present.

Dapper and Bads bond, how the bounce off each other love and care for one another, It truly is a phenomenon that doesnt come often but when it does is so precious to behold and infectious to view. Theres no moment when the two are together thats not filled with joy and love for each other. Its been an incredible pleasure to watch. A timeless experience that never gets old. Their bonds so cute and sweet and precious its gold. Bad and Daper can have other relationships that are special to them too but the bond between the 2 has been such a profound showcase of love thats endearing through and through.

#Qsmp Dapper and Bad’s bond

[crazytogether4l]

"Will they?" "Won't They?" Don't Worry My Loves, They Will ;)

Scroll down to see an analysis of who the heck the duffers could be calling a "will they" "won't they" couple. The first section is basically just context with some of my thoughts so feel free to read that as well! <3

On November 5th, a day before Stranger Things Day, the official Stranger Things twitter posted a thread of tweets replacing Steve's iconic 'boobies' quote (I have no idea how else to describe it lol) with various fandom inside jokes and comments like that. Here is the order/content of the tweets!

Okay so, the ships/people mentioned in the previous tweets were Steve Harrington, Lumax (WE LOVE LUMAX, Lucas + Max), Erica, Will Byers, The Byers, JOPPER (WE LOOOVVVVEEEEE, Joyce + Hopper), Murray, Dustin (DUSTYBUUUUNNN), AN ANONYMOUS COUPLE WHICH I WILL TALK ABOUT, and then El.

I find it very interesting that they put the mystery couple directly before el, it's kind of like establishing Els independence for the upcoming season!

Now, what in the world is a "Will they" "Wont they" couple, and who could the duffers be describing?

So this is my understanding of the basic characteristics of a "will they" "wont they" couple;

Romantic chemistry shared by both people

Relationship is threatened by all of the following;

Uncertainty

External obstacles

Internal strife

Romantic tension that remains unbroken or unresolved

Now let's compare this list to different st couples the duffers could be referring to, I'll try and remember all of them but there are a lot so lmk if I miss any! To check the criteria I will name a couple or ship, say their status and go through the criteria as it relates to each! Each couple must meet all the requirements of a "will they" "won't they" ship to be considered as such.

Which ships will I be counting? I mean, the criteria are automatically biased based on my perception of the show, so I'm trying to use solid canon evidence that the couple either is romantically involved or at least one person in the ship is romantically interested in the other. Both characters also have to be a part of the main teams of s4 like either the California (mike will el Johnathan argyle), Hawkins (Dustin steve robin Lucas max nancy erica), or Russia crew (joyce hopper neil murray). (I'm excluding Eddie because he's... well... not a contender anymore). For example, Milkvan would count as a valid ship to consider because , they are dating, but a ship like Dustin and Lucas wouldn't count (only for what I'm trying to do here, ofc I think every ship is valid as long as its respectful, everyone has their own headcanons and I support all of your perceptions of the show ofc <3) because there is no canonical evidence to support this being a possible romantic pairing in the show. Anyway, let's get started, if you have any questions on how I determined if a ship could be considered or not please feel free to message me, I love talking to all of you! Oh also I should clarify as well that I'm only counting ships that have both parties alive (with the exception of max who we aren't sure is alive or not)

Couples I'm choosing not to include (but still meet criteria to be considered): Duzie, dustin and max, robin and vickie (because vickie isn't a part of the main groups and I don't think that their relationship has built up long enough to be considered a wtwtc, however, if you disagree id love to talk about it!)

Color code: True False Is a wtwtc is not a wtwtc

COUPLE Jancy (Johnathan Byers and Nancy Wheeler)

STATUS Dating; They have been dating since season 2 when they got together after an interrogation from Murray. In season 4 they struggled with maintaining the relationship due to the long distance, but when they reunited this was mostly resolved, still some stuff was left up in the air with stancy and all.

CRITERIA (1) Yes there is romantic chemistry (2.1) No, there is no uncertainty with the validity of their relationship. While they may be struggling to figure out how to maintain their relationship, there is no uncertainty about whether or not they are in a romantic relationship. (2.2) Yes, there were external obstacles such as stancy but those obstacles have been resolved and are no longer affecting the couple. For example, will going missing and steve and nancys relationship count, but both of those obstacles have been resolved (2.3) No, there was no notable internal conflict besides shared trauma and anxiety about approaching their feelings for each other. (3) While there is romantic tension between them, the tension was resolved by them getting together and becoming a couple officially

While there is romantic chemistry, the ship did not fulfill all requirements to be considered a "will they" "wont they" couple

COUPLE Stancy (Steve Harrington and Nancy Wheeler)

STATUS Ex's; In season one, Nancy and Steve were in a relationship. They broke up after Nancy called their love bull shit at a high school party. There is some romantic tension again in s4, though it doesn't really go anywhere, at least directly.

CRITERIA (1) Yes, there is romantic tension. Especially in season 4, there are numerous moments of sexual tension. (2.1) Yes, there is uncertainty with the validity of the relationship. However Steve wants to have his "six little nuggets" with Nancy, but we as an audience can visually see how that future doesn't excite her. Steve still loves nancy but nancy does not love steve, no matter how much she hopes she does. (2.2) Yes, there is an external obstacle, Nancy and Johnathan are a couple so that is an obstacle that would get between them from being together. (2.3) No, there are not a ton of moments of internal conflict. Steve potentially likes Nancy again and Nancy doesn't feel the same IMO but even considering that, there is no internal conflict that is a barrier between a platonic or a romantic relationship. (3) No, there is no unresolved sexual tension, as they have already been in a relationship

Jancy does not qualify as a will they won't they couple, they have already been in a relationship, and the romantic tension was already broken so there's nothing new romantically to build up that hasn't already been done.

COUPLE Lumax (Lucas Sinclair and Max Mayfield)

STATUS Ex's, Romantic interests, kinda unclear lol; Max and Lucas got together at the end of season 2, when they kissed at the Snowball. They were dating throughout season 3, however, in the beginning of season 4, we see max isolating herself from the party, and therefore we as an audience understand that Lucas and Max were not together romantically anymore. It wasn't until we see them at billys grave and we also see Max and Lucas together at the Creel house (Lucas asking Max on a movie date) when we finally see them express romantic interest in each other again Not super related but this is a parallel to Jopper with Enzos and the fact that they couldn't go on their date because of multiple obstacles (like Joyce standing hop up to figure out why her magnets weren't working, and hop going to Russia causing everyone to think he was not alive anymore)

CRITERIA (1) Yes, there is romantic tension between Lucas and Max (2.1) While there is uncertainty with what Lumax's future will look like, there is no uncertainty with whether the romantic feelings they have are requited or if they have the potential to be in a romantic relationship because they already have been in a romantic relationship. (2.2) Yes, there is one big external obstacle which is max literally being in a coma lmaooo (2.3) Yes, there are internal obstacles Lucas and Max struggle with regarding their romantic feelings towards each other, especially Max. Max isolates herself after she experiences the trauma of witnessing what happened to billy and she experiences symptoms of vecna's curse, basically she's being vecna'd and that causes her to suffer mentally and therefore she isolates herself from the party, especially Lucas. (3) While there is unbroken romantic tension that came up in s4, Max and Lucas already dated so there is no new romantic tension that could be potentially broken here. "will they" or "won't they" couples are typically built up over numerous seasons, so the previous romantic history between them would disqualify them from being considered a "will they" "won't they" couple.

Lumax can not be considered a "will they" "won't they" couple because they do not fulfill all of the criteria to be considered a wtwtc, and even if they did I don't think that lumax would be the wtwtc they were talking about because they were already mentioned in Stranger Writers' thread as an official ship

COUPLE Mileven (Mike Wheeler and El Hopper)

We already know that Mileven is not a "will they" "wont they" couple because they are already in a romantic relationship, but I'm going to pretend like I don't already know that because its good practice for me to be able to be more open to other perspectives of the show and also I think its important in general to analyze the dynamics of their relationship anyway :)

STATUS Dating; (I am a passionate byler shipper so I will try and be as factual as I possibly can) Mike and El kissed towards the end of season one but didn't get together again until the end of season two when they finally went to the snowball together. El dumped his ass in season 3, Mike said "I love her and I can't lose her again" in a heated fight with the group, and they got back together at the end of the season when El said she loved him too and kissed him. In season 4 we see them struggle with managing the distance as well as discovering their own identities. Mike has trouble saying 'I love you' to el (he is discovering his sexuality simultaneously... regarding his feelings for will), and El is not receiving the type of love she wants and needs from mike. At the end of the season, we see mike and will stand together and El stands alone, which foreshadows an independent El for season 5.

CRITERIA (1) This is something that is super controversial in the fandom, and as a byler supporter I personally don't think that there is any romantic tension between mike and eleven, but I will try and look at it from multiple perspectives.

As a byler supporter, what I see is a longing for romantic feelings, especially from mike. Mike wants to fit in and his role models are nancy and his parents, both of which have been in toxic relationships and fake love (stancy) and that is all mike knows about romantic feelings. In season one people continue to accuse mike of having romantic feelings for el. When Mike first meets el, he treats her kind of how he would treat any other peer, like showing her his toys and being nice and letting her sleep in his basement. The romantic implications of that don't even cross his mind until Lucas and Dustin point them out. There is a huge difference between the was Lucas and Dustin interact with el, and the way mike does. Lucas and Dustin think, oh this is a girl, omg a girl in mikes basement. But mike is focused on finding will, and El could lead him closer to finding him. Mike claims that he has always loved el, but he literally tried to get her to go back to where she came from in their first few moments together. Like we don't see Mike actually push for El to stay until she recognizes will in that photo. Lucas, dustin, even his older sister Nancy all ask him if he likes el romantically. I think this gets in his head a lot, which causes him to kiss her at the end of the season. In season two at the end of the season we see mike sulking at the snow ball. I think mainly this kind of had to do with the fact that will was out dancing with a girl and he felt jealous feelings but didn't understand why or what that meant. That is my perception because of the headcanons I have of byler but if I'm looking at it from a mileven perspective then it was because he assumed she wasn't coming. Personally, I don't think this is why because he knew she was back in town and she was okay and there must have been some communication about whether or not eleven was actually going to the snow ball but either way she showed up and we see his face change. Then right after we see El walk in and I think he uses the shame from his jealousy to motivate him to do romantic things with el, but that could just be my opinion because thats what I believe in my head lol. For el, she only really starts expressing romantic interest in mike after she starts watching soap operas. Mike kissed her in s1, and when she sees couples kissing on the tv in s2, she has a realization that maybe that was something couples do so that means that she likes mike... right? Or does she have this thought because she doesn't have any other exposure to what romance actually looks like? Its an interesting question to dive into, and I'll go in more detail in a future post if anyone would be interested in that. I think something that is very telling is the mileven breakup in s3. This scene has been analyzed over and over again, but in general, the way she says "i dump your ass" so easily and then laughs about it on the bus with max is very telling. Like idk about you but if I was supposedly in love with someone it wouldn't be that easy to just dump them and then giggle about it a few minutes later. In s4 we see el being very inauthentic, like for example she looks at the note on the flowers that says "from mike" and then puts on a fake smile. And over the season we kind of see this fake smile start to break down until she stops talking to mike altogether at the end of the season. At the end of the season El knows that Mike can't give her the love she needs. The fact that he says I love you, which is what El wanted to hear, but she still gives mike the silent treatment after his confession and we don't see them talk for the rest of the season? Like I love you is what she thought she needed but it didn't fix anything because she knew they were just empty words said in the heat of the moment, just like how he said "I love her" in the heat of the moment in season 3. There is soooooo much to talk about, especially in season 4 and season 3, so let me know if you want more of this because I have a lot to say but I should get back to the topic of this post <3

(2.1) No, there is no current uncertainty regarding the validity of their relationship. As an audience, no matter if there is a deeper meaning or not, we know that el has said I love you to mike and mike has said I love you to el. No matter if those words are true or not, we as an audience are expected to believe this as canon and therefore their romantic feelings for each other are not uncertain after Mike said I love you to el. (2.2) Yes there have been external obstacles, however, at the end of season 4 these are all resolved to our knowledge. El is back in hawkins with mike. The only other obstacle I can think of is will, but neither el nor mike are aware of his feelings for mike, so I would save this for a potential season 5 obstacle. (2.3) Yes, there are internal obstacles. Mike is having a hard time saying I love you to el because of internal hardships regarding his sexuality, and el is not receiving the love that she wants or deserves from mike. This is the opposite of a will they won't they couple, this is incompatibility and its obvious. (3) No, there is no unresolved tension. Mike and el have both said I love you, kissed, and had a relationship, there is no tension that needs resolving anymore, if anything their relationship is getting boring at this point IMO (no hate to milevens at all you all are totally allowed to love your ship <3)

No, Mileven is not a "will they" "wont they" couple because they have already broken the tension that is needed to be considered one and they are already in a relationship

COUPLE Jopper (Joyce Byers and Jim Hopper)

STATUS Dating; I think Jopper has always been a will they wont they couple. There has been romantic tension with them since the beginning. Joyce has always been comfortable just walking over to hopper, speaking her mind. We see them start to form an emotional bond over season one. Then throughout the seasons, they get closer which leads up to hopper asking Joyce out on a date and they plan to go to Enzo’s but the plan changes when hopper disappears to Russia at the end of season 3. Season 4 they reunite in Russia and release all the sexual tension by making out in the warehouse thing. It’s a lot more beautiful than that but I have a migraine and can’t think of a poetic way to write that lol.

CRITERIA (1) Yes, there is soooo much sexual and romantic tension between joyce and hopper!!! Literally in every single season, especially season 3 and the end of season 4! Theres no other explanation needed :) (2.1) No, there is no uncertenty with whether Joyce and Hopper like each other romantically or not. We know that both of them like each other and they both have expressed romantic interest in each other. (2.2) I mean besides bob in season 2, and basically the entire world ending, there arent too many outside obstacles currently at the end of s4. Hopper was like kinda gone in another continent for most of the last season though so that counts. (2.3) Yes, there are internal struggles. Hopper struggles with grief and for most of season one and two joyce was emotionally unavailable due to the trauma of losing her son and people telling her she was crazy. Both of these characters love each other, but they are both so scared of losing the ones they love that they love, they cant bare to give all of their love to each other just to have It ripped from them all over again.

This is off topic but this inspired me to talk about loss throughout the show, which is centered around loss. Thats what its all about. The first ten minutes show a a family, a friendgroup, even a whole town that is greatly affected by the loss of a boy. Especially in season 4, I think that the major theme throughout the show was the fear of loss, especially around the idea of love whether it be platonic love or something more. Max distanced herself from the group, partially because she was afraid of causing even more pain and loss than she felt she already had. El was so scared of losing mike, like we can see her desperately trying to be worthy of his love. She wrote to him like every day, she lied to seem cooler than she was, she faked smiles to make sure everything was perfect. Mike is probably the one most affected by the fear of loss in my opinion. His best friend went missing and he thought he was dead, then el went missing, then will almost died again in season 2, then el almost died in season 4, like the amount of times mike has had to deal with the idea of his friends leaving him is very sad. I think a lot of this stems from his childhood. Will is also scared of losing others, especially his sister and brother and mike

(3) No, the tension was broken when they kissed in season 4 lmao. Also when they kept talking about their date. This was a hard couple to debate on, especially since they were a will they wont they couple in the past, but I think because they already broke that tension, and its canon that they have romantic feelings for each other and they have done romantic things together, there is no uncertainty if they like each other more than platonically. I think that jopper is like the original "will they" "wont they" couple, and then that romantic tension was broken and now they're just a slow burn romance! Ugh I love them so much I could talk about them for hours :) If anyone wants to talk about them id love to!

This was a difficult one to determine but since there is no uncertainty with whether their romantic attraction is requited, and the romantic attraction has been acted on, I do not think that they can be considered a "will they" "wont they" because like, they already DID if that makes sense!

COUPLE BYLERRR! (Mike Wheeler and Will Byers)

STATUS Best friends, potential love intrests, gay as hell; Its currently canon that Will is in love with Mike (confirmed by noah schnapp), however it is not yet canon if mike is romantically interested in will (even though it couldn't be more obvious). There is sooooooooo much romantic tension between the two, not to mention the COUNTLESS parallels between them and other couples from the show. Not only just from stranger things, but actual canon gay couples from OTHER SHOWS! Like the duffers put a lot of thought into their parallels. Its truly beautiful, like they are the best slow burn gay romance in all of tv history. Its undeniable.

CRITERIA (1) YES OH MY GOD! There is soooooo much romantic chemistry between the two! Like especially from mike.

BEST FRIENDS DONT LOOK AT EACH OTHER LIKE THAT! tHEY JUST DONT! THEY ARE BLUSHING LIKE NO BODIES BUISSNESS AND THEY ARE LOOKING AT EACH OTHERS LIPS AND THIS INTIMATE MOMENT IS BROKEN SUDDENLY, JUST LIKE SO MANY INTIMATE MOMENTS IN THE SHOW!

Like, come on... theres just so much evidence that they are in love, not to mention all of the "intimate moments" and parallels to other couples. I could go on and on! (2.1) Yesssss there is uncertainty and loooaadddssss of it! The beautiful thing about byler is its up to interpretation. Neither of them just comes out and says out front they are in love, will uses el as a cover for his own feelings, and mike just is scared to be vulnerable about how he feels because of external and internal homophobia. Both of their romantic feelings for each other are shown not only through just words and physical communication, but also through symbols, set, lighting, music, etc. Their story is left up to interpretation because that's just accurate to the time. We are unsure if both of them love each other canonically, but we can feel it, that's the beauty of the show. We know that will is in love with mike. Thats canon. But mike, mike's story is so accurate to the struggle of growing up as a gay kid, and many adults who have grown up in the 80s have said that they identify themselves with mike and wills story! Like as a queer person who grew up with similar feelings to mike and will, its just beautiful to watch their love story unfold despite all of the obstacles they face. (2.2) EXTERNAL OBSTACLES! SO. MANY. EXTERNAL. OBSTACLES. I mean, this is a gay love story about two gay boys in the 1980's, a time when homophobia was experiencing a spike due to the HIV crisis and hate crimes and everything of that sort. And not to mention that mike is in a relationship with wills sister, so even if mike broke up with el, will getting together with his sisters ex boyfriend is kind of a betrayal to her so there's a sense of guilt or shame that's added on top of the feelings he is already having. And for mike, he has to navigate the fact that he cant say I love you to his girlfriend because he already loves will. Also he doesn't know will loves him so he assumes that he has no shot with him anyway. Not to mention all of the supernatural struggles that come with their feelings for each other. Like in season three and two, a lot of the times mike and will have an intimate moment he then feels vecna. Also the fact that will is literally being brainwashed by vecna for like half the season. Also the bullying in seasons one and two when the boys, especially will, have been called homophobic slurs their whole life. This causes shame and guilt for who they are, which makes them hesitant to acknowledge their feelings for each other.

(2.3) INTERNAL OBSTICLESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! SOOOOO MANY! First of all internalized homophobia, which mike sufferers from a lot! Its shown throughout the show in so many ways. First of all, mikes relationship with el is kind of an avoidance tactic for mike, as well as a safety tactic. He uses his relationship with el to convince himself that he is in fact straight and he does everything he can to be perceived as straight, even by himself. For will, there is so much shame that has been thrown at him his whole life. Not only from his father but his peers. He has been bullied his entire life and so has mike, they have experienced homophobia their whole lives, which has caused them to believe that they themselves are the problem. And there's a whole other struggle that especially affects mike, which is heteronormativity. The minute he showed el any kindness at all, everyone started asking him if he liked el and were calling her his bf and stuff like that. Hes lived in this headspace that in order to be seen as 'normal', he has to be straight. Like he thinks that getting a girlfriend and giving up on the 'childish' things he enjoyed as a kid like dnd is all a part of growing up. There's just so many internal struggles with both of them, especially in regard to their romantic feelings for each other. (3) No, the romantic tension has not been broken yet! There is sooooo much tension and so many scenes where they seem like they are about to kiss or about to confess their feelings, but they are interrupted by a person, a noise, etc. They are so in love I love them so muchhhh! Like for example the bedroom scene when they're like "I didn't say that" and mike is like "you didn't have to". Like that scene is a direct parallel to another gay ship that KISS after they exchange their little "cool", "cool". But for byler that tension is interrupted by the van arriving, like there are so many examples of this throughout the show! I could go on and on about byler so let me know if you want me to discuss this more :)

Yes, Byler is a "will they" "wont they" couple! While many of the st couples have fit under the "will they" "wont they" umbrella at some point in the show, the unknown romantic aspect of their relationships have all been resolved except for byler! And even if jopper counted as a "will they" "'wont they" couple, the st twt still mentioned them in the thread before they mentioned the will they wont they couple, so it wouldn't make sense for jopper to be referred to twice in the same way.

So to kind of summarize all of those words, byler is the only "will they" "wont they" couple in present-day stranger things canon, which therefore is EVEN MORE evidence that byler will be end game. Especially because the way the line is used in the first place, like steve saying that Vickie obviously likes women, and then that being true in the end, it shows how byler is also true and it will happen! I hope all of this made sense! Sorry this is pretty delayed after the thread came out, I've been so busy and also trying to add to this post as much as I could over the past few weeks haha. If you have any fun things to add or stuff you want to discuss please do! I always love talking to you all. As always, much love to everyone <3

#will byers #byler canon #byler proof #byler edit #i love byler #byler is canon #byler exists #Duffers explain #Stranger things Twitter #Will they wont they #will they wont they trope #cinematography #stranger things 5 #byler

[tstwitterupdates]

I don’t really go into TS criticism too much, because it’s a good way to attract hate, but there’s a lot I need to say.

See the thing is, the orange side hype would be a lot more… hype if Thomas weren’t being so open about it. It’s like teasing at a characters death quietly, saying “I hope nothing bad happens” and then just like continuously posting that same line under every post regarding the character. Little bits of hinting, like adding more orange to Thomas’s wardrobe when he films updates, or using orange emojis in his tweets like pumpkins or something, would be a lot better.

While Thomas’s content itself is great with foreshadowing imho, like Virgil’s dark side reveal being built up but not explicitly stated before he says it, Thomas himself isn’t. You can’t add subtle foreshadowing in your show and then turn around and spoil the script, which is a hair away from what he’s doing with Orange hype and the series itself. Thomas isn’t flawless, nobody is, but this is getting insane.

And as for the lack of updates on development, he could definitely be less vague. We want clearer updates on how soon the episode should be up, not explicitly telling us about the biggest plot twist in the show. Thomas needs to get his priorities sorted out. Why avoid telling us how long it should be until the next episode instead of “sometime this year”? Even if he says it’s going to be really far from now, like say, November, or something, then at least we get a better idea. We’d all appreciate a more direct response as to how much longer it’ll be until the plot twist he (and Joan) have already given away finally shows up. He’s being too vague about things we need clarity on, and being too upfront about things that should stay back.

right like it was cool when it was just us piecing together that the rainbow was still missing a color and also looking at some merch you’d see things in each color of the sides plus an orange one. and that thing some people caught about there being orange light from upstairs when Logan threw the paper ball, or the orange hue of the whole shot of Thomas arriving home after the wedding. that’s all very cool and smooth enough! and even all together it still leaves you with just the tiny smallest bit of uncertainty, enough to get hyped and want to know if your theory is true.

like. with the Virgil being a Dark Side thing everyone on tumblr did call it and had accepted it for a while but i guess it didn’t take three whole years for it to become canon and it also came in an unexpected way, and we still weren’t totally sure what Deceit and Remus were teasing Virgil about before, so the reveal was still exciting!

but with Orange it’s been so long that everyone has been convinced that this thing that is strictly still is theory is actually just. accepted. because it’s been so long and the hints have gotten so explicit that we just accept it. and then Thomas and co know we’ve figured it out and moved on from the uncertainty so they try to renew hype by adding more hints going like “hey you know this thing that you know is coming? well! it’s coming!!” like… uuuh. okay. thanks… i guess.

and about the lack of updates well. i don’t know. i know thomas and joan gave up on setting deadlines because it was too hard to stick to them and even harder to feel like they disappointed the fans when they said the video wouldn’t be ready on time. which i understand. but years after that there’s no more deadlines, more money, more staff, and probably even more stress so i don’t know what’s wrong.

#ts criticism #ask #not a tweet #posting these later at night to avoid disturbing people’s dashes or notifs too much

[soartfullydone]

Bastion, 14 and 15. Cobalt, 25. Yuffie, 6 and 20.

Bastion

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character

Ashley has done so much of the work for me in the slutty goth department, but I have to stress that Bastion is not the studs and chains kind of slutty goth. He's the straps and capes kind, the leather daddy without the daddy part. He's heels and fingerless gloves and too many necklaces and rings. But he likes his flair, too. Huge feather boas, accents in silk, velvet, or lace, all keeping with the red, black, and crow/rogue aesthetic, of course. I think if it were easier to draw, he'd wear one of those see-through mesh shirts, not the cheap fishnet kind you'd find at a Party City but one of those expensive, surprisingly soft and not-itchy kind you'd get at a Macy's. Of course, the texture doesn't really matter. These are all glamours he stores in his torc.

What I'm very interested in seeing is what Bastion's aesthetic would be if he did have to play up the noble son persona in Alderode more. We see that briefly in chapter 7, but his color palette really makes him stick out in Soud territory. I wanna see how he makes himself noticeable in a sea of Jets, particularly since they're all so bitchy :)

15. What's your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)

Oh, Bastion/Lemuel by miles. It's so mean and salacious, fueled by hate and devoid of love. It's perfect.

Cobalt

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

One of the things I remember thinking was, "Why does this dude need three offices? Wtf?" And then he came strolling out into the arena in just his business clothes but with the sleeves rolled up, and I thought, "Oh, I see. This is an attack on me personally."

But now, yeah, I love that nasty little freak. I do wish Riven had had the opportunity to try to—fruitlessly—connect with him about living an immortal life. She was built for that, but he was not, and his drive to end it all, let alone take everyone with him, is a perspective that she has massive trouble understanding. What's so wrong with being young and hot for a really long time when the world is so full of promise? But that moment never came up organically before Szez, and when it did, she was super uninterested and preoccupied with getting everyone home alive.

Yuffie

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

It sounds like a knock, but we both definitely believe that we're more important than we truly are lmao. But it's in a good way. It means that neither of us is easily discouraged and we bounce back from setbacks fast. That said, we can be one-track minded about things, chasing a course of action that stops being feasible well before we realize it. Also, #RogueLife!

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

While it's tempting to say Riven or FFX-2's Rikku, they would be horrible enablers of Yuffie's worst habits and behaviors, which is fun but not ideal. She needs someone who keeps her a little more grounded, I think, but who's still fun for her to be around. Tifa would be great for that, and Yuffie would also help lift Tifa out of her melancholy moods and do wonders for her uncertainty/self-esteem issues. I also think Yuffie and Cissnei would make a hell of a team, particularly because Cissnei would prove a good mentor.

#ask meme

[usbshitake]

Gavin Reed hears “I love you”

"Gavin thought: "Well, this is a curveball I didn't see coming. I never thought I'd find myself in a situation like this, tangled up in someone else's emotions like a damn fool.Her words, they hit me like a freight train. I mean, I knew there was something between us, but to hear her say those three little words... it changes everything.Part of me wants to believe her, wants to believe that what we have is real. But another part of me... another part of me can't shake the feeling that this is all just temporary, that eventually she'll come to her senses and realize she's better off without me.I've never been good at this whole love thing. Hell, I've never been good at relationships in general. But with her... with her, it's different. There's something about her that draws me in, that makes me want to stick around even when everything in me is screaming to run.I guess what I'm trying to say is... I'm scared. Scared of messing this up, scared of hurting her, scared of getting hurt myself. But despite all that, there's a part of me that's willing to take the risk. Because with her, it feels like maybe, just maybe, there's a chance for something real."

Gavin’s reaction to “I’m not scared of your darkness, you can trust me”

"Gavin thought: "This... this is new. I'm not used to someone being so... understanding. Opening up like this... it's not easy. But she's different. She sees something in me that I've spent years trying to hide. Maybe... maybe it's time to let someone in. To let myself be vulnerable for once. But... can I really do that? Can I trust her with my darkest secrets, my deepest fears? It's a risk... but maybe it's one worth taking. She believes in me. And for the first time in a long time, I'm starting to believe in myself too."

Gavin is called “beautiful in and out”

Gavin thought: "Her words... they pierce through the armor I've built around myself. It's as if she sees straight into the depths of my soul, embracing every part of me without hesitation. The adoration in her eyes... it's intoxicating, almost overwhelming. I never imagined someone could look at me with such unconditional love and acceptance. But here she is, laying bare her affection, and I can't help but feel a surge of emotions welling up inside me.I've spent so long guarding my heart, keeping everyone at arm's length, but with her, it's different. She breaks down my walls effortlessly, leaving me exposed and vulnerable in the most beautiful way. And as she brushes my hair back, her touch ignites a warmth within me that I never knew existed.But amidst the rush of emotions, there's also fear... Fear of letting myself fully embrace this love, fear of opening up and risking hurt. Yet, despite the uncertainty, there's a part of me that longs to dive headfirst into this ocean of affection she offers. Because with her, I feel seen, understood, and truly alive."

#detroit become human #gavin reed #dbh gavin

[painted-crow]

hi! I hope you're well. I've been thinking about my primaries and secondaries a lot lately. I'm always interested in people and I'm very good with understanding them too: it drives most of what I do, from my job to my choice of education to what I do for fun. ethics in my mind are also a bit contextual because of this: I can't really evaluate an act without knowing more about the person and situation//it's never black and white for me. I'm not an idealist, I think? (1)

I'm already giggling at this. You are such a loud Bird. "Evaluate an act" is an incredibly Bird lens. I think you might be associating Idealists with rigidity, or with certainty. Healthy Birdpris actually make a lot of space for uncertainty and for being able to say they don't have a good conclusion for whether something specific is Right yet.

And Birdpri systems are complex and built gradually over one's life precisely because there's so much nuance to be had in different situations. Not everything is going to run up against the core axioms of your system (things like "human life is inherently valuable" and "unnecessary suffering is bad").

Idealists can value people too. Birds tend to really value understanding others, it's a highly prioritized form of empathy for us, but not everyone works that way. Someone else might say, "I don't understand but I feel for you," or "I don't understand but I want to help, so you tell me what you need." Other primaries value understanding too, but for a Bird it's the first thing we go for--we feel pretty lost if we don't have some model of what's going on.

secondary-wise, much of the understanding of people thing happens sort of subconsciously--I figure out what's happening w people or how they're thinking or what they really want right 99% of the time, and it's always without really thinking about it. when it comes to other things, though, I usually work like this: I plan a thing/reach a solution for a problem, check w one person I trust about whether it works, then I execute. (2)

You've basically written me a flowchart. You lean heavily on plans and processes. Birdsec.

Having a skill down to the point where it works without you thinking about it doesn't make it not a skill; this is a Rapid-Fire Bird thing, not an Improvisational thing.

Checking your work with someone trusted doesn't make you a Badger; in this case it makes you a very meticulous Bird who's using your resources effectively.

I'm guessing at badger primary (I think just ensuring *everyone* is understood well matters the most to me? so it feels like a better guess than the rest rn), but very uncertain about secondary. feels a little gryffy sometimes but not really? I am anti-charging or plowing ahead--plans keep me sane and calm. I also read through multiple posts about shc cross-verifying traits and analyses and had to feel like I was getting nowhere before I sent this, if that says anything? thank you for this! (3)

Again, the "everyone needs to be understood" thing is a Birdpri trait. Why does everyone need to be understood? So that you and everyone else can factor the full context into your personal decision-making systems, of course! If you care about someone, you have a mental model of their needs and priorities and favorite ice cream flavors, right?

Badger language tends to be more like, "everyone needs to be cared for, their voice heard, not forgotten about--they deserve to get the help they need because they're people." But understanding is so important to Birds because a lot of our identity is often wrapped up in our systems, which we see as a thing that can be understood--and not everyone has this intricately defined worldview that they think about a lot and can explain to other people.

Plans keep you sane and calm and you've been problem-solving your Sorting by doing tons of research and cross-referencing everyone's different writing to come up with a mental model of the system to work with. Also, for all the reading you've been doing from probably a variety of different posters, I was the one you chose to write to--probably because my extremely double Bird writing voice sounds comfortingly familiar.

Welcome to the birdhouse, nonny.

#bird primary #bird secondary #sortinghatchats #paint speaks

[dwellordream]

“Some homesteading wives reluctantly went along with their more enthusiastic husbands, dreading the hardships and uncertainty that lay ahead. In 1853, before heading west from Kansas to Oregon, Elizabeth Goltra mournfully wrote in her diary, ‘I am leaving my home, my early friends and associates never to see them again, exchanging the disinterested solicitude of fond friends for the cold and unsympathetic friendship of strangers.’ She continued, ‘Shall we reach the ‘El Dorado’ of our hopes or shall one of our number be left and our graves be in the dreary wilderness?’

…On the trail, women spent some of their most pleasurable moments in each other’s company--around a campfire at night, knitting and talking over the day’s events, cooking, or washing together. Catherine Haun, who crossed the Plains in 1849, recalled, ‘During the day, we womenfolk visited from wagon to wagon or congenial friends spent an hour walking, ever westward, and talking over our home life back in ‘the states’... voicing our hopes for the future and even whispering a little friendly gossip of emigrant life.’

Finally, after the long days on the trail, after endless hours of wondering what their new homes would look like, travelers arrived at their destinations--only to discover more hardship ahead. Even the hardiest woman was brought down by the sight of her new home--a crude log cabin without doors or windows; a shack with tar paper walls, canvas ceiling, and a dirt floor; or a dirty brown soddie--a dwelling made out of hard-packed soil--which often housed insects and snakes in its four walls. Many settlers had no home at all until the family built one. Mary Rabb spent her first weeks in Texas ‘spinning under a tree,’ with only ‘a quilt and a sheat for a tent.’

…While men cleared the fields for farming, or panned for gold and silver, women did the work of homemaking. They cooked and cleaned, baked bread and pies, sewed their families’ clothing, preserved foodstuffs for the winter, made soap and candles, and raised chickens and vegetables. Because of the spartan conditions under which they worked, they took special pride in a well-made pair of trousers or a good meal.

Women also shared the hard, physical labor with their husbands. They helped construct homes, drove plows, sawed and hauled timber, and stood guard at night for fires or predators. As one Oklahoma woman recalled, ‘In those days the wife had to help do everything.’ Still, women were primarily responsible for the essential work of homemaking. They even turned some domestic tasks into opportunities to relax and socialize. Quilting parties, for example, were a favorite pastime in which women visited together while working on a quilt.

…Some whites--even those who opposed slavery--did not want to compete against blacks for land and work, and they supported efforts to restrict blacks from migrating or purchasing land. In Iowa, free blacks were required to show a certificate of freedom before being allowed to settle, and most western states and territories in the 1850s and 1860s prohibited black inhabitants from testifying against whites in court or from riding stagecoaches and streetcars. Black and white settlers alike shared the hardships of homesteading, but rarely did these shared difficulties blossom into mutual support or friendship.

Throughout the frontier, from the lush green valleys of Oregon to the flat, arid lands of the desert Southwest, both black and white women settlers used their talents and resources to help their families and communities. A higher percentage of free black women worked outside of their homes because of economic necessity. Most black women worked as domestics, while others became washerwomen, cooks, dressmakers, and nursemaids. Like black domestics and laundresses back home, they toiled long hours for meager wages and endured their employers’ demanding treatment.

…Most settlers did not understand or respect the Native Americans’ way of life, a life dependent upon the bounty of the earth. While Native American men hunted game, women collected seeds and roots and harvested crops. Native Americans looked to the sky and the soil for spiritual sustenance as well. The natural world embodied their deities, and their religious traditions and folkways expressed a gentle, respectful love of the earth and all things natural--a reverence that homesteaders who wanted to exploit the land for commercial gain did not share.

By the 1840s and 1850s, homesteaders crossing overland began to encounter large numbers of Native Americans. In Iowa and Kansas, homesteaders came upon Pawnees and Winnebagos. The Sioux predominated in the Great Plains and Minnesota, while the Cheyenne tribes made their homes in Wyoming, Montana, Colorado, and Kansas. Apache tribes inhabited the dry, arid desert lands of Texas, and both Apaches and Pueblo tribes lived in New Mexico. Farther west, the Nez Pierces populated the Blue Mountains of Oregon.

…Native Americans and settlers engaged in bloody conflicts, and innocent people on both sides were massacred. As white settlers advanced, claiming Indian tribal lands as their own and breaking the terms of the treaties they had signed, Native Americans tried to defend their land. In the 1850s, Pacific Northwestern tribes rose up to defend their homes, and in Minnesota the Sioux fought mightily against oncoming settlers. Cheyenne and Apache tribes in Colorado raided settlements to drive homesteaders away. In Apache tribes, some women joined their men on the battleground, while others served as messengers and emissaries between Apache warriors and U.S. military officers.

Native American women shared their brethren’s contempt for the way that white settlers plundered the land and mocked their centuries-old traditions. And just as white women feared assault by Native American men, Indian women had far greater reason to fear white men, who freely raped them or forced them into marriages. Armed conflict, disease, famine, and forced resettlement gradually destroyed the communal, agrarian way of life that Native Americans had known for centuries. The Promised Land of opportunity to which homesteaders flocked--the land that Native Americans had cultivated and venerated for so long--became a trail of tears watered by the bloodshed and anguish of native peoples drive from their homeland.

…In 1840, 84,000 immigrants entered the United States. Ten years later, in 1850, 369,000 immigrants came to America. Between 1840 and 1860, approximately 4.2 million newcomers journeyed to the United States. About 40 percent of them were Irish refugees escaping a devastating famine in Ireland. For years, potatoes had been the staple food of the Irish. But in 1845, a terrible blight wiped out Ireland's potato crop. Millions of people went hungry or lost their chief occupation--potato farming. Between 1847 and 1854, the worst years of the famine, more than 1.25 million people fled Ireland to the United States, hoping to find work. Many of the Irish immigrants were single young women forced to support themselves. Immigrants from Germany, Norway, Sweden, Scotland, Wales, and England also came to the United States.

Most immigrants came over simply to make more money. Many, such as the Irish, remained in this country, but other immigrants stayed long enough to earn a substantial amount of money and then returned to their homelands. Most immigrants settled in towns and cities, especially New York and Boston. But some journeyed to the West to start a farm or small business. Colonies of German immigrants headed for Texas in the 1840s, while Swedes and Norwegians settled in large numbers in Minnesota, Iowa, North and South Dakota, Wisconsin, and Nebraska. Except for the Irish, who for the most part avoided rural life and settled in industrial towns and cities in the North and Midwest, immigrants from other ethnic backgrounds fanned across the American landscape, as far west as California and Oregon. Wherever they settled, in cities or out on the frontier, they sought out family, friends, and other newcomers from back home. They wanted to live among their own.”

- Harriet Sigerman, “‘The ‘El Dorado’ of Our Hopes’: Journeys to New Places.” in An Unfinished Battle: American Women, 1848-1865

#harriet sigerman #an unfinished battle #1850s #1860s #gender #indigenous #american #colonialism #19th century

[twilightmalachite]

Hermitage - Friday

Author: Nishioka Maiko (with Akira)

Characters: Izumi, Shu, Hajime, Mika

Translator: Mika Enstars

"Are you keeping Kagehira to yourself out of loneliness? …Or perhaps, are you captivated by his kindness?"

Season: Winter

Location: Starmony Dorms Room (Ritsu, Mika's Room)

Izumi: Huh? Kuma-kun isn’t here. —Oh, right. That guy’s out traveling for work, isn’t he?

Here you go—there. Phew…

Now then, I’ll be returning to my room. Though, I hope that Kagehira-senpai will be back to normal tomorrow…

Okay, Hajime-kun. I’ll head back too, then. What about you, Itsuki? Will you be heading back as well?

Shu: No. Since Sakuma isn’t here, I’ll head back after a little bit.

Don’t bother yourselves and go back to your rooms. Leave the rest to me. We’ve already burdened you enough.

Izumi: Hmm? Oh~?

Shu: …What’s that look for?

Izumi: So you are capable of saying commendable things~. I think that’s a first for me. How wonderful!

Shu: Hmph. Wipe that creepy grin off your face this instant. Hurry up and get out of here already.

Izumi: Haah? And I had even gone out of my way to praise you! Sooo~ annoying!

Shu: Oh, did you praise me…? Where, exactly?

Izumi: Well, whatever. I’ll see you later. Let’s go, Hajime-kun.

Hajime: Ah, good night then, Itsuki-senpai, Kagehira-senpai!

Mika: ……

Shu: Phew. —Now then.

(As long as he hasn’t taken it elsewhere, it should be somewhere in this room. Where could it be…)

(—Hm? Ah, looks like it’s on the chest beside his bed.)

(What a relief. If he had taken it to school, it could have been about anywhere.)

(Hm. No matter how you look at it, it really appears to be a normal doll. It hasn’t changed a bit since I bought it in Paris.)

As usual, the modeling is so beautifully done. The creator surely put his heart into it. There are intricate details all over the place.

(But… No matter how closely I look, it really just seems to be a normal doll. Could it really be possible…?)

(That it’s as the owner said, that the doll itself has imprisoned Kagehira.)

(—Well. Either way, I can’t leave Kagehira as he is right now. It’s unacceptable for him to keep causing trouble for others.)

(Right now, I should give it at least a try.)

…Is this of your doing? This situation.

Are you keeping Kagehira to yourself out of loneliness? …Or perhaps, are you captivated by his kindness?

I do not know your intentions. However, I’d like it if you returned him soon.

He’s loud, rambunctious, and he’s even been rather cheeky these days to the point I have to scold him to keep him in line. And when I do, he always puts on these shameful displays of groveling.

But, all those things have slowly built up to where he is right now. And I don’t want him to think he didn’t get that far all on his own.

Because right now, Kagehira is still in the process of finding his true self.

Even if Kagehira and you spend years together, your worlds are different ones. People and dolls cannot live in the same world together. However, it’s possible to at least live beside one other.

You live in a perfect, flawless, and eternal world. I’m jealous, even.

Nothing is lost, nothing decays. Such a perfect world is also the ideal of we Valkyrie. It is a vision held by artists around the world.

However, humans are creatures that change. You could say that it is the very reason we are born into this world.

This change is unpredictable, and always comes with uncertainty.

But, it’s never a sad thing. Because change is the only way we grow.

It’s because our lives are finite that I—that we—put our heart into art that will last for eternity, never decaying.

I’m sure the one who created you believed that very same thing.

You too, are a pitiful child. You’ve always been neglected, and you’ve never been cherished.

It must be lonely and painful. I can understand your feelings to a degree.

Mika: ……

Shu: There’s no reason to worry.

Kagehira will never abandon you. No matter how many times you fall out of his arms, even if his arms break… He’ll pick you up again and he will love you. He’s that kind of person.

So have faith in him. You don't have to hold onto him. Because Kagehira will never let you go.

Isn’t that right, Kagehira? So hurry and return to us soon.

Mika: …Nn… Nn~…?

Shu: Ka-Kagehira?!

Mika: …Bwaah!

Shu: Gyah!?

Mika: —Gya?! A close-up of Oshi-san’s face?!

Nnah~, no matter how beautiful Oshi-san’s face is, suddenly seein’ it up close can’t help but scare me…

—Hm? Huh? Oshi-san, what’re ya doin’ in my room? And why’s yer face look so scary?!

Shu: You are really…! You just woke up, and you’re already running your mouth noisily!

Mika: Eh?! But you’re the one who came into my room, Oshi-san! Why’re you angry at me?

Shu: Well, from the looks of it, it appears you’re doing just fine, yes?

Mika: ? If I’m fine? Me? What’dya mean? I not a single thing’s makin’ sense to me…

Shu: Like I just told you, you’re being noisy! I’ll sew that mouth of yours shut.

Mika: Ehh?! Didn’t ya just tell me I’m doin’ fine?! Yer bein’ real unreasonable…

Shu: Hmph. Don’t think about anything right now, just take it easy. I’ll slowly fill you in on what happened today.

Fortunately, we have time for this much…

← prev | story directory | next →

#hermitage #event #translation #shu itsuki #mika kagehira #hajime shino #izumi sena

[blackjackkent]

OK, back to Hector adventures. Everyone seemed to like the ouchie drabble from yesterday. <3 Hector is fundamentally, after that conversation, in a pretty rough place emotionally, so what better person to talk to than Lae'zel, who is ALSO in a pretty rough place emotionally.

"It is done. There is no going back. As long as the Undying Queen reigns, I am never to soar unbound over the Astral Sea, never to cross the One in the Void."

Her voice is low and hoarse and very tightly controlled. "As it should be. Better a short life built on truth than immortality woven of lies. Better to unite the githyanki under a prince who would free their minds and honor their bodies."

A pause. Her eyes flick away from him into the middle distance with a sudden flash of frustration. "So why do I feel so bitter?"

Hector is silent for a moment or two, considering. There is some relief, he feels, in considering Lae'zel's struggle rather than his own. And he would help her, if he can. But she is complex - one of the most complex people he has ever known.

[INSIGHT] Consider Lae'zel's past and present. What is the true source of her resentment?

Narrator: Vlaakith has upended Lae'zel's whole existence. Everything she knew to be true, every plan and aspiration she ever held, has been painfully ripped away. Lae'zel's bitterness is born of sadness. She is mourning the loss of the person she once was, and can never be again.

Hector draws a slow breath and lets it out. A sad, rueful smile touches his lips. Who would have thought, when we met, that I would see so much of myself in you?

He understands that feeling all too well. He has been feeling it very strongly himself of late - the knowledge that he has been changed fundamentally by this journey and will never be able to go back to the simple life of books and faith that once consumed him. He is a traveler in dark places now, which will be darker still when Karlach is gone...

"You're grieving the future you'll never have," he says gently. "Vlaakith took everything from you."

Lae'zel gives him a look of mild surprise, her head cocking a little to one side. "How well you've come to know me," she murmurs thoughtfully. A pause, and then her shoulders square, her back straightening. Her eyes are fixed on him, and he feels a flash of warmth as he realizes that after so many months of her considering herself above him... she takes strength from his presence now.

"But in truth," she goes on firmly, "she didn't take everything. I have what I have gathered for myself. I'm moored to a new regent, a new land, and new allies. Vlaakith cannot unmake she who no longer exists."

Her fists clench at her sides. "And so from the old battle cries is birthed another: Ch'mar zal'a Orpheus. Mha stil'na forjun inyeri! Orpheus's will above all! May the Comet blaze my path forward!"

Hector raises one eyebrow with a slight frown. Lae'zel, he has come to realize, is a woman who identifies herself by a place in a hierarchy; for all the dominant aspects of her personality, she feels she needs a leader to follow. Vlaakith was a false god, but there is no certainty that Orpheus is anything better. They know nothing of him at present - except that he is not Vlaakith.

"You've been quick to pledge yourself to Orpheus's cause," he says carefully. "What about your own needs and wants?"

"Orpheus's freedom *is* my want and my need," she snaps back. "To deny his freedom would be to deny my own." Perhaps he is imagining it, but he thinks he sees a flicker of uncertainty, quickly suppressed. "There will come a time when I can think about myself beyond the lich queen who enslaves the githyanki and the prince who would liberate them. But that time won't come until the Prince of the Comet flies again."

Hector nods slowly. As with so many things lately - these aren't decisions that he can make for her. But he will be keeping an eye on this new loyalty of hers, because he feels very certain that it would not be hard for her capacity for loyalty to be taken advantage of again.

#bjk plays baldur's gate 3 #hector carlisle #this is a group of very emotionally healthy people with very good and healthy coping mechanisms #for sure

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

* * * *

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

July 12, 2023

HEATHER COX RICHARDSON

JUL 13, 2023

Today, in Vilnius, Lithuania, President Joe Biden spoke before a crowd at Vilnius University to champion democracy and the strengthening of the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). 

“If I sound optimistic,” he told the crowd, “it’s because I am.” 

“NATO is stronger, more energized, and, yes, more united than ever in its history,” he said and continued, “It didn’t happen by accident.” Faced with a threat to “democratic values we hold dear, to freedom itself” when Russian president Vladimir Putin’s troops invaded Ukraine in a rejection of the rules-based international order, the United States, NATO, and all our partners stepped up to stand behind the brave people of Ukraine.

“After nearly a year and a half of Russia’s forces committing terrible atrocities, including crimes against humanity, the people of Ukraine remain unbroken…. Ukraine remains independent. It remains free. And the United States has built a coalition of more than 50 nations to make sure Ukraine defends itself both now and…in the future as well.”

“[O]ur commitment to our values, our freedom is something…[we] can never, never, ever, ever walk away from,” Biden said. “It’s who we are.”  

“[A]s I look around the world today, at a moment of war and peril, a moment of competition and uncertainty, I also see a moment of unprecedented opportunity—unprecedented opportunity—opportunity to make real strides toward a world of greater peace and greater prosperity, liberty and dignity, equal justice under the law, human rights and fundamental freedoms which are the blessing and birthright of all of humanity.” 

“My friends, at the most fundamental level, we face a choice…between a world defined by coercion and exploitation, where might makes right, or a world where we recognize that our own success is bound to the success of others." 

“When others do better, we do better as well—where we understand that the challenges we face today, from the existential threat of climate change to building a global economy where no one gets left behind, are too great for any one nation to solve on their own, and that to achieve our goals and meet the challenges of this age, we have to work together.” 

“The world is changing.  We have a chance to change the dynamic.”

“That’s why I’ve been so focused as president on rebuilding and revitalizing the alliances that are the cornerstone of American leadership in the world,” Biden said. He recounted the strengthening of the relationship between the U.S. and Europe, as well as the U.S. alliances in the Indo-Pacific region with Japan, the Republic of Korea, Australia, the Philippines, and India, saying that “we’re bringing major democracies of the region together to cooperate, keeping the Indo-Pacific free and open, prosperous, and secure.”

“[W]e’re working to deepen connections between the Atlantic and Pacific democracies so they can better work together toward the shared values we all seek: strong alliances, versatile partnerships, common purpose, collective action to meet our shared challenges…. 

“We have to step up together, building the broadest and deepest coalition…to preserve all the extraordinary benefits that stem from the international system grounded in the rule of law. 

“We have to come together to protect the rights and freedoms that underwrite the flow of ideas and commerce and which have enabled decades of global growth. Yes, territorial integrity and sovereignty, but also principles like freedom of navigation and overflight, keeping our shared seas and skies open so that every nation has equal access to our global common space. 

“And as we continue to explore this age of new possibilities, an age enabled by rapid advances in innovation, we have to stand together to ensure that the common spaces of our future reflect our highest…aspirations for ourselves and for others…so that artificial intelligence, engineering, biology, and other…emerging technologies are not made into weapons of oppression but rather are used as tools of opportunity. 

“We’re working with our allies and partners to build…supply chains that are more resilient, more secure, so we never again face a situation like we had during the pandemic where we couldn’t get critical goods we needed for our daily lives…. 

“[W]e all must summon the common will to…address the existential threat of accelerating climate change. It’s real. It’s serious. We don’t have a lot of time. It is the…single greatest threat to humanity. 

“And it’s only by working together that we’ll prevent the worst consequences of climate change from ravaging our future and that of our children and grandchildren.

“We also have to recognize our shared responsibility to help unlock the enormous potential that exists in low- and middle-income…[countries] around the world—not out of charity, [but] because it’s in our own self-interest. We all benefit when more partners stand together, working toward shared goals. We all benefit when people are healthier and more prosperous…. We all benefit when more entrepreneurs and innovators are able to pursue their dreams for a better tomorrow…. 

“[W]e stand at an inflection point, an inflection point in history, where the choices we make now are going to shape the direction of our world for decades to come. The world has changed. 

“Will we turn back naked, unchecked aggression today to deter other…would-be aggressors tomorrow? Will we staunch the climate crisis before it’s too late? Will we harness the new technologies to advance freedom or will we diminish it? Will we advance opportunity in more places or allow instability and inequality to persist?

“How we answer these essential questions is literally going to determine the kind of future our children and grandchildren have.”

“I believe that with ambition, with confidence in ourselves and one another, with nations working together for common cause, we can answer these questions,” Biden said. “We can ensure the vision we share and the freedoms we cherish are not just empty words in a troubled time, but a roadmap…a plan of urgent action toward a future we can reach, and we’ll reach if we work together.

“[T]he road that lies before us is hard. It will challenge us, summon the best of ourselves to hold faith in one another and never give up, never lose hope. Never. 

“Every day, we have to make the choice.  Every day, we must summon the strength to stand for what is right, to stand for what is true, to stand for freedom, to stand together.”

Biden met in Vilnius with Ukraine president Volodymyr Zelensky, whose concerns about not getting a firm timeline for Ukraine’s admission to NATO seem to have been assuaged by significant security guarantees. “We are returning home with a good result for our country, and very importantly, for our warriors,” he wrote. “A good reinforcement with weapons.”

Meanwhile, in the U.S., a new report shows that inflation has slowed dramatically, dropping back to about 3%, the rate of March 2021, while the jobs market remains strong. Wages are rising faster than inflation. Mark Zandi, chief economist at Moody’s Analytics, says the report suggests that the sharp inflation of the past sixteen months was, in fact, a result of supply shocks from the pandemic and Russia’s invasion of Ukraine, as administration officials said. 

Other advanced economies continue to struggle with high inflation, and observers noted that U.S. inflation began to fall just after the passage of the Inflation Reduction Act.

In Washington, D.C., today, the House Judiciary Committee, chaired by Representative Jim Jordan (R-OH), questioned FBI director Christopher Wray for six hours to try to prove that the FBI is attacking Trump Republicans while giving Hunter Biden a free pass. It didn’t go particularly well. Wray is a lifelong Republican and member of the right-wing Federalist Society and was appointed by former president Trump. “The idea that I’m biased against conservatives seems somewhat insane to me, given my own personal background,” Wray said.

Washington Post columnist Jennifer Rubin summed up the day’s news when she tweeted: “3% inflation. NATO growing and more solid than ever. huge investment in tech and infrastructure. And Rs? Screeching about Hunter Biden's laptop and defunding the FBI. Simply pathetic.”

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

HEATHER COX RICHARDSON

#War in Ukraine #Heather Cox Richardson #Letters From An American #Joe Biden #Ukraine #speech #NATO #foreign policy #rights and freedoms #defending democracy

[freedom-sying]

Starting afresh @32

05.06.23

Someone told me that I should document all the learnings and perhaps a bible of my life history to enhance my self-acknowledgement on the growth I had. I recalled all the memories and experience i had and to realized that there is so much in 32 years of life to share. I wonder how much effort and time does famous people (double of my current life experience) invest to write their bible...hmmm....

I am lazy person and hard for me to concentrate to put in effort to complete a task if i don’t have determination. It took me a few weeks to gather my thoughts on this and i shall try breaking it down to a few chapters to simplify (and not make it lengthy ><) 

1. Growing up as an extremely introverted child 

2. My determination, My support, My friends 

3. Breaking and challenging limits

4. Gain and losses - What marriage brought to me.

5. Being a leader and deeper understanding of myself 

6. Transformation and continuing to evolve...

7. Looking forward - Challenges, Uncertainty and fate ahead 

Chapter 1 - Growing up as an extremely introverted child 

Not sure when....but ever since i had vivid memory of life, I knew myself as a very reserved, timid, and a very quiet girl whom is fearful of speaking up. I am sure i wasn’t like that from start, but experiences seems to shaped me into this. I had memories in primary school where i was the “lime” light of the class because of a puppy love relation and i thought i was coping it well. Perhaps, naturally, i wasn’t able to comprehend and grasp my emotions from young. More often than not, i behave weirdly when emotions are high and eventually, i chose to “run away” from it. And i regretted. Often, i thought if i could have more courage to to face it and speak up then, maybe....things will be different now. But oh wells. Things happen for a reason. 

So yeah, i slowly become very distant, only socializing with the small circle, became that very homely girl who only played with herself. Role playing too much till the extent that at one moment of my life, i doubt myself if i had split personality. I became  anti-social, serious, very very tense and unable to “open up”. After prolonged period of time, accumulated seriousness and stress levels caused me to portray a very hostile and unfriendly image to others. Maybe....it is also the hidden and unknowing expectation of being the eldest at home puts me into a serious mode. and yeah....for primary and secondary school of my life, i was not able to “be myself” and live through social norms with my friends for things that i don’t really love and like. Every relationship built seems to be very superficial and i don’t feel related and connected. 

Chapter 2 - My Determination, My Support, My friends 

So....i become a stayed home girl after my “O” levels exams. I did nothing but eat, sleep and watch computer for a good 2 months. I start to feel very weak, lethargic and unmotivated. I was also indecisive and unclear what my future is as i had always been going with the flow.... One day, Ding! it strike me that i had to start afresh, break off from the timid girl, break off from being unable to socialize and i need to move. I knew i am going nowhere if i continue to be like this. That kind of determination strikes me and gave me the courage to take a front forward step in the start of my poly life. I start to initiate conversations with “Strangers”, i took lead in the assignments, speak up and ask questions in class (which i won’t dare to in the past). I remember, there is one particular incident, i was able to clearly asked my question in the middle of a class discussion in front of 40 over students! Oh my! and i surprised myself because of that. 

But i am not able to do it without the support from my friends. Finding that right friend who has like minds, similar likings and taste, fully understanding without even speaking a word is never easy and i chose to believe that is fate. This comfort level and also how we interact helped me tremendously to be able to break the limits i have. I treasured this kind of friendship and take it to my heart so much so that i don’t want to add any agenda into this relation that i have. 

Chapter 3 - Breaking and challenging limits

Poly life is a critical breakthrough and i took a big step forward. Starting to make sure that i am myself and i amable to take charge of my life. Though there is progress, but i am starting to learn the harsh reality. i always believe that i am the fortunate girl who has been shimmered with luck and didn’t have any tough times. 

Luck is still by my side - Through a poly mate, i found a job that opened up my sight to another level that i have not seen before in my life. It is definitely not at my comfort zone for that kind of corporate job environment but again, a gush of determination and courage takes me through and pushed me on to face the high stress level environment. Of course, i can’t do it again without the support of my most treasured mentors. Surprisingly, they are able to take me to another level through very different coaching methods and also harsh method. It breaks my limit again and slowly brought my true self out a little again. Still introverted but there are alot more things that i discovered about myself and i grew in all aspect - Mentality, Physically, Financially and Capability. There is no words could describe how much i like to thanked them for the opportunities and also guidance that they provided. Without them, i can’t be me now and for sure likely to be the timid and fearful little girl back in the school days. 

Chapter 4 - Gain and loss, What marriage brought to me

Eventually....i got married! 

It was like a dream to me, even till date after being married for 6 years. Unlike a fairy tale and happiness overload kind of journey, my dating and marriage journey has been a unique one. Being mature and prefer mature guys, everything seems to be planned in advance, rocky at times with many frequent arguments and quarrels in between. Adapting the very different mindset and family background is not a smooth one with many adjustments through the years. I have gained more insights to the feelings i didn’t used to had, thoughts that my family chose to ignore in the past and starting to accept the fact and reality that the world is not perfect and pure. First time in my life, i was triggered to the extend that i expressed firmly at the top of my voice how i deeply felt. A physical heart triggering pain that lingered through the night and also a deep warm hug when i needed it most. All these i never felt before getting married. 

I grew. Grew to know that prioritizing yourself is the thing you need to constantly remind yourself. Grew to know that you always have rights to stand up for yourself. Grew to know that everyone is like a bottle, taking in too much, it will explode eventually too.....and i learned. 

But at the same time, i lose somethings too. Happiness wasn’t never in my life for a few years. Emptiness took over. Feeling very lost and unmotivated got so deep then that i almost lose myself in all directions in my life - Cutting off from family, friends, colleagues. It is only me and him. Once again, i feel like i back to the introvert me, no support around, nobody understands me, nobody know what i am going through and living like an empty soul. It IS scary and depressing. Of coz, all these are accumulated without a sign and the last stroll is miscarrying. 

Till today, i still felt that miscarrying is a blessing in disguise and god’s test given to me for me to break through the limit that i had. It made me think twice of how do i want to live my life and also how emotions can make you do wild things if it is out of control. Putting and focusing about only you and yourself can also make you neglect the bad and beautiful things around you (which you have to take care as well). It didn’t kill me, and it definitely make me stronger and also walk out of a cycle of uncertainty and strong desire of wanting a certain thing. Overly strong desire about one thing and unable to relax is not taking you anywhere. Till today, we are both growing together on this path and still navigating our ways through....

Chapter 5 - Being a leader and deeper understanding of myself 

Now, after a few years of “low periods” of my life, slowly, i am starting to find myself back through another mentor - whom is very good at navigating 人心. I start to realize my expectations and own perfectionism standards (arising from my family and 1st job), is pulling me back and create unnecessary anxiety and stress level. I can live more freely without all these bag of boundaries. Work is also not about the work itself but about speaking up timely at the right time with accurate information. Focus on the main point and direction which your boss wants to deliver. But of coz, there are many ways to do it and sometimes, good leadership doesn’t bring you anywhere higher in the corporate level but it builds a great team. So....i struggled, should i be a great leader yet not able to climb up the corporate ladder or be an “unethical” manager to for own benefit. 

However, through counselling and another great friend who understands me, i realized that it is more than that. I have more mental struggles and barrier that i have yet to surpassed to grow upwards. This is the biggest challenge and barrier i had to cross before i can go anywhere. I start to realized and got tired of operational role. I loved it back then when i just started my work journey. But as i progressed, my capability, skill sets, personality, strength and weakness is not compatible. I learned through experience with people management skills but i am not enjoying it anymore. I need to move and find myself again. and of coz what do i want to be in the next 20 years of my life....

Chapter 6 - Transformation and continue to evolve

And i took the leap forward - I need to transform and start afresh! Transformation will give me motivation to push on with my life and also continue what i am doing. backend support and reporting is always something i like to explore. I am sure i will love it and is able to perform well in what i am doing. 

Last but not last chapter - Looking forward....

I know there is many uncertainties still with the decision that i made. But tell you what Sherry, Hack care! Things will fall in place as it goes along as long as you are clear with the direction you want. You can’t control what happen, so....LET IT GO, LET IT GO~~~ 

I am clear; 

1. Not to be in J&J account with protocol management style

2. I want to grow and learn new things in reporting, data analytics and operational excellence 

3. To work on expressing confidently on concepts, ideas and also ways to shine for the work you have done. Protect people from stealing your credit 

4. Whatever comes, comes. God and Fate provide a path for you to follow to go through all the “test” and it just happens. 

Not ending it here....since i am only 32~! It is a new start, new life goals, new perception as of 05.06.2023~ Take it on, Sherry! I am sure you can do it! 

Love note to Sherry, from 

Sook Ying Aka Sookz 

[manonamora-if]

Moving the weekly updates to Sunday. Easier for me...

Technically this was released last week, but I made a substantial bug fix that kinda broke saves... but the bug I was fixing was stopping people from completing Chapter 3 (which could have hindered progress for the next chapter with the saves created this time around)... You win some, lose some...

And also have a Hint page on itch! All puzzles/non-linear mechanics will get a solution on that page some time after their release.

I've also got a few feedback on the new Chapter, which is great! MelS is really happy people are enjoying it (he was afraid the tone wouldn't be consistent enough). Edward got a bit a love :P

We would love to get more Maze feedback (especially the number you get at the end with the mode played), so we could fine tune it. Did it work for you? Did you enjoy it? How can we make the mechanic better?

Last bit of news: MelS has restarted writing Chapter 4. It will probably take him a while to get it finished, since his workload just... is insane.

So I started yesterday... but a Setting Template is getting done (mostly for me, so I can just copy paste it into new projects), and will come out by the end of the month. It will group your basic settings (font, theme, saves, other toggles) to help your project with accessibility. It will not have a custom UI, but will use the Built-In one with minimal styling (just to showcase the theme setting).

If there is a setting you'd like me to include, please let me know and I'll see what I can do.

ALSO: a larger SugarCube guide is in the works. It will likely take me a while to get ready, but it will make the official documentation easier to understand. I will touch upon the basic macros, the APIs and more. > This won't replace #coding support. I'll still answer questions :)

Working title: DOL-OS. My entry for the French IF Comp.

This is not technically a new project. I have been working on it on and off since last year, but wasn't sure if I could pull something off. Because of this uncertainty, I haven't been discussing my entry with anyone until recently (I've been sharing puzzles*). There are 9-ish days left, and I think I might make it?

This project will be in French (duh), but if it is well received, I might translated it into English at a later point.

*puzzles which will def appear in my IF Comp entry when I enter it next time...

The Second Round of the SeedComp! has started! Come sprout some fun seeds!

Don't forget to tag @seedcomp-if with your entry!

Personal note: Aside from the Space UI (which will become a template when I fix the mobile scaling), all the seeds I've submitted for the competition will stay downloadable after this edition is over. If you are looking for an idea for a small (or large project), please do use them. You can find those seeds in this folder (other experimental bits are in there too, fyi). Like my templates, they are licensed under CC-BY, which means you only need to credit me in your game/page. (tag me or send it to me if you do, I want to see the result!)

~~~~

still no polls ;-;

#progress #the trials and tribulations of edward harcourt #ttateh #dol-os #seedcomp #templates #template

[pastel-rights]

I'm staring directly at you. you did this to me. you gave me ideas >:[

[it's just me being silly on my main, ToD and Termination of Desires talk]

so I was talking to my friend Fifi and I got a bunch of ideas and I'm going to babble on about them here <3 there isn't really any consistency between ideas they are just. there

---

okay, so the very first idea I had was like... related to Disk's 4 different identities. Those are Disk, Nova, Elizabeth, and Eden.

Disk is... probably the most well-known of the 4??? Like, it's just Disk, the annoying little pink thing. Disk is an AI created by the Darkness and she was originally like... malware of some kind. But then she changed and became good :] you know her, you love her, you hate her, it's her :] she's a very soft and loving person. can't handle her alcohol [please look at Eden and wonder how they're the same person/lh]

Eden is definitely the other super well-known- She's like... Disk's human version! What/who Disk would be if she could be human. Eden [at least in Desires' lore] is a well-known singer who travels around a lot, and she likes to drink in her downtime. She's pretty good at defending herself and distracting others and I just think she's a funky little gal. Drunk flirt most definitely- [may or may not have a gun.]

Nova... she's basically evil disk or dark disk. Disk with no moral code. lmao

And Elizabeth... Well, Elizabeth was the name people called Disk for years in her disk game. Her AI's name was Elizabeth and all her files were named "Elizabeth.exe" but Disk doesn't think the name Elizabeth suits her.

I like to refer to them as either Disk [the AI] or Eden [the human] but all 4 names refer to the same person :] Eden is like... peak chaos because there is SO MUCH i haven't gotten to tell about Eden and she's my favorite version of Disk.

Disk can be very... innocent? Oblivious? I don't know how to describe it but Disk is just... she can say things that sound horrific or wrong without realizing it [like that one scene where she's talking to Heart and goes "but he isn't hurting anyone else, right? Isn't that supposed to be a good thing?" when Heart tries to confront Phantom about hitting Disk. In fact, a lot of the dark alters have an issue where they're saying or doing horrific things without realizing how bad it looks/sounds/is] and she kind of struggles to learn "right" from "wrong".

Meanwhile Eden is very knowing and honest, and she often understands things Disk doesn't. Eden's just built different ig

also, you'd think Eden would be younger than Disk because Eden came after Disk did but. Eden's 3 years older than Disk. Eden refers to Disk as a baby it's so funny. Not only is Disk shorter than everyone else but Disk is like 2 to 3 years [it's probably closer to 2 and a half years tbh] younger than most of the adult cast 😔

OH and Eden is taller than Disk. Disk is 5'5" and Eden's 5'8" it's so unfair. Every other human and their alter are the same height but the god who decided to grant Disk a human form did her so dirty </3 /lh AND EDEN... she's 6'0" with her heels on. Hell has no fury like an angry singer with 4-inch heels/ref

sorry Eden's such a silly character i love her. Would be very funny if Disk and Eden had a similar situation as Phantom and Heart because it would not be fighting over control of the shared body.

It would be fighting over whether or not they'd be electrocuting people and what stupid jokes they're allowed to make/lh

---

I was also thinking about the idea of severing connections. Like, specifically for the dark alters after separating them from their neon counterparts because I think if they don't sever connections, that the darkness can still find and control them. And that creates a very interesting adventure in which the dark alters have to sever their own ties with the darkness while the darkness tries to drag them back-

GOD this idea is so interesting, especially with Phantom-

The darkness preying on Phantom's uncertainties and everyone's general dislike of him,,, It's got a really tight grip on Phantom that could also attribute to violent outbursts that could help make everyone hate him even more and I ahhhhhhhhh

like I definitely think that is something Phantom won't be able to clearly do with the state everyone has him in </3 can't have your redemption arc if no one's gonna give you the chance to redeem yourself and if the very thing that made you the way you are is still trying to control you/lh

He's struggling with not only a sense of morality but a sense of belonging as well and it's so... sobs

But more on severing connections... I bet the darkness makes it as hard as possible to sever connections, especially if you're on your own. [and when the people around you isolate you... makes it so much harder]

Like doors that lead to bad memories or bad times, doors that lead to nowhere, long, endless hallways, and things trying to kill you at every turn... trying to trap and consume what's left of you... sleeping gas and rooms of terror, it's all like one giant death game-

and some people will never wonder what happened to you :(

that would be a very interesting arc it's gonna be SO FUN to think about.

---

flirt who can't handle someone flirting back with them -> Disk

---

"drinking buddies" but one person in the party has never touched an alcoholic drink in their entire life.

like imagine you're at a bar and you see two people, drinking. One of them has hard liquor and the other... a cup of grape juice.

---

speaking of which, Disk has not drank a day in her life and if you gave her a drink, she would just stare at it. Like, an intensive wide-eyed stare.

She won't drink it. She'll just stare. sniff it and make a face. wonder what went into the drink.

she will just.

stare.

---

i'm living for the friendship between Phantom and Disk because it's just "i am going to KILL you." "i have no self-preservation skills anyways, do your worst" with the collective agreement of "heart can never find out about this"

---

Eden with a sword. that's it that's all.

you will be inlaid upon this stage/ref

---

Disk always refers to herself as a pretty girl and so far no one has told her otherwise.

it's not even like a narcissistic or self-image thing like that's literally Elizabeth's introduction-

"It's me, your pretty pink friend~"

---

Hacker is an adult who looks like a teenager. and not even like a young adult... she's 25- and still gets people trying to drag her back to school </3

"I AM 25 AND I HHAVE A COLLEGE DEGREE-" "yeah yeah you your school dean will be glad to see you in his office, troublemaker." "I'M TWENTY FUCKING FIVE BRO LET ME GO-"

#long post #i'm just talking i'm just blabbing #like if Eden wanted to make a suggestive joke and Disk wanted to have a normal day they'd argue over that all day/lh #also Eden would call Phantom a bitch to his face and Disk is like please don't- #talk to me once and you'll learn true insanity/j #silly ideas on main

[diary-of-a-black-woman]

Broken Fourth Wall

Constantly tired is my name 

Always asking for a break 

The chirping in the back say I'm lazy 

Yet my mind is on its fifth overtime and it's just Monday 

I work day in and day out 

The birds can't see behind the tree 

Maybe that's my fault 

I built that overarching shade in hopes it would provide me comfort 

Perhaps the melody of the birds can take its place 

However I cannot help but think 

Their sayings are wrong 

Who's to say their actions won't be as well 

The hymns from the siren and mermaid are indistinguishable 

I'm surrounded by the sea of uncertainty 

But one thing is sure 

I won't stop working 

Backstory 

Recently I have been going through a tough time. I guess I haven't been on the good side of life. I think my deposition is starting to become more noticeable which is unfortunate. I just caught wind that people have been speaking about me privately and that is one of my biggest pet peeves. I thoroughly dislike it when people talk about me behind my back then take on a different persona in front of my face. I prefer it when people are just honest with me even if it's something negative. The unknown really bothers me, and that includes not knowing whether people are truly on your side or just faking it. 

I'm just going to have to accept that I won't always know if people are being genuine with me. I just have to continue being the best version of myself with and without others, as that's all I can ever do in this life. 

On to other news... 

I haven't kept up honest communication with my support group. I feel awful about it too, and it's making it even harder for me to contact them. I'm just hoping they aren't upset with me, but if they are I'll understand because going MIA on a friend is messed up. I do wish to hang out with them soon because I am in dire need of some relaxation and enjoyment with my friends. I also reached out to someone who was close to me recently through text message and received no response in return :( It hurts, but I understand. I actually called them today as well, not to be overbearing, but the info I needed to tell them was urgent. I left a voicemail a couple of hours ago and I still haven't heard anything back from them. Not sure what to do about that, but I can only hope they're okay. 

Also, happy Father's Day! I know it's tough being a parent, so I hope all the fathers are enjoying a little day to themselves. I think it's funny how every June like clockwork, the discourse on whether single mothers can wish themselves a happy Father's Day. I can see both sides of the argument, but I won't share my opinion on the matter as it doesn't really concern me. I'd love to hear yours though! 

This is one of my shorter posts. I almost feel guilty for not writing more to be honest, but I'm still happy to be writing and getting something out there in the open. This one was more personal as well so I'm finally getting into the diary aspect of this blog after getting inspiration from Tumblr (shocking I know). 

#poetry #poem #writers #writers on tumblr #my writing #personal blog #online diary #diary #tumblr diary #sad poem #original poem #queue pierce my soul #poemsbyme

[blindedbythedarkness]

My mind is so full right now. I feel more emotions than I can name thoughts, but there's just so much going on. When I was younger, my dad used to tell me that anxiety is just intolerance of uncertainty. Well, I have a hell of a lot of uncertainty right now and I get why people don't tolerate it, it's fucking uncomfortable.

At university, I have to make a decision which could mean giving up my dreams of being a doctor. Either that, or say nothing about being caused likely permanent harm by the institutions that were supposed to protect me. The real kicker is, I daren't even say more than that in case I post the wrong thing and fuck it all up both ways. Who can I even speak to about it? No one in my life has any useful advice for me because people just don't have to make massive fucking decisions like this on the regular. It all feels so heavy and maybe I'm an adult now, but I still feel like a kid with no clue what to do.

I also feel like I'm losing my parents. Both, at the same time. Though actually I think I've already lost my dad. He gave into the crowds last year and dropped all Covid precautions to "live his life". He's always been fixated on living at least to the age of his mother, which gives him 8 more years. His current lifestyle means if nothing changes, I doubt he'll make it there, at least without serious health issues. He wouldn't give a fuck if I told him though. It's all too hypothetical and he's too cynical that he doesn't want to live longer anyway. I don't think he can even conceive of how it is to live with serious chronic illness, he probably thinks he's built different and could just push through. I'm a living, breathing example of the damage Covid could do, but despite sharing half my genes, it could never happen to him. Even if it did, he'd just try harder than me.

I lie awake for hours at night, my mind involuntarily churning out essays and letters to the people in my life who's life choices are breaking my heart fragment by fragment. I beg my brain to shut up and let me rest, knowing I'll never bother to send them, but I just can't sleep again until its down on paper.

To my dad, I imagine writing him letters explaining how I know he's never prioritized me in his life, but perhaps he could reconsider. I want to tell him how he's killing me on the inside more each day with his decisions. I want to beg him to reconsider, because I want him to last long enough to see me married and meet my children; they'll already be lacking two grandparents, please don't make it one more. I want to threaten him, tell him when his brain is bursting with the fucked up proteins that mean he can't think or remember who I am anymore, all because he gave up and gave in to SARS2, it will be me who chooses his care home. Care homes which will lack even more staff, and will be even more expensive as the early onset dementia epidemic explodes a decade from now. I want to ask him if it was all for nothing, me rebuilding our relationship? Because if he carries on like this, I'll have no choice but to build walls to protect myself from the anticipatory grief. Do I really mean so little to him? He's choosing a few short years of the old-normal instead of me having a future with him in it.

I've shared similar thoughts with my mum and she seemed to understand my point of view, yet I'm still afraid she'll follow him down the same path. She says she's trying to balance being safe and living her life, and I understand no one can be perfect. But the world is growing more hostile and she's faced opposition to masking at work. She's never had as many balls as me, so I worry eventually she'll crack. She went on holiday recently, and there's not a single mask in her pictures. I know she likes to take it off for photos, but how can I know she ever wore it at all. If I question her, she scolds me for not trusting her, as if I haven't had an endless conveyor of friends and family willing to trade my life for brunch these past 4 years- of course I have trust issues. It also seems that she made a new friend on holiday, a friend that could become more. I have no issue with that, it'd be good for her. But what if they don't understand Covid? What if she caves to keep them in her life and trades safety for companionship?

I just feel so lost, and I have so many questions with answers I'm afraid to find out. But without them, I'm in some sort of emotional purgatory. I do have friends who I know would care. But one would never understand. Another is busy seeing family. Another is too new for me to drop all this on. And the one who would understand it most has her own horrors to contend with right now and I don't want to add to her stress. Meanwhile, my therapist is on holiday for a month.

Plus, and its small by comparison, I've spent the last two months in new-pet limbo. We've kept rats for the last 5 years and they've really been amazing for company, joy and amusement throughout this current dystopia. But we lost our last one two months ago and now an empty cage sits right in the middle of our living room. I've spent so much time and energy researching breeders and joining new lists, but there's been so many unanswered emails and painfully slow waits for responses. It would just be nice to know when this one nice thing will be back in my life.

How I feel right now is like no simple depression that, looking back, is what I had in my late teens. This is years of acute-on-chronic compounded trauma and discrimination and loss of even the most basic human need- safety. I'm numb and yet my whole chest hurts. I find myself wishing it would change, in either direction. I have fleeting thoughts of overdose on antidepressants or cutting myself, just to fortify the numbness or finally break through the walls around my heart. But I won't. Instead, I'll do just what I've been doing for four fucking years- enduring. Tolerating. Staying alive and not self-destructing. But inside, I'm crumbling more than ever.

Oh please, dear God, let things improve soon. There has to be a light at the end of this and I'm so desperate to live to see it.

#c rambles #depression #depressed #grief #mourning #bereavement #thoughts #rambling #depressed thoughts #depression thoughts #pain #emotional pain #self harm #suicide #suicidal thoughts #mental illness #mental health #covid #covid cautious #long covid #parents #covid trauma #parental trauma #emotional abuse #ptsd #wear a mask #covid isnt over #covid is not over #mask up #covid conscious