#weird how thoughts on kinks evolve over time

[tanadrin]

I read your post about like reactionary politics and while I think I agree with you mostly I think it’s a bit of a stretch to equate “antis” to the current surge of anti transphobic rhetoric, esp when that term is so nebulous. Like are we talking about people being weird about kink at pride shit, or people being upset about the production of fictional csem? I think that while def the first person has an internalized reactionary view of sexuality, I don’t see how the second person does beyond like a generalized fear of child exploitation. There’s def like a middle ground between those two positions but I feel like this is not a great example compared to the very cut and dry “trans people are child abusers”

Well, part of the thesis I'm trying to stake out (more or less successfully, depending on how well I did it and whether or not you agree with me) is that there may be differences of degree but similarities in kind between mildly and more severely reactionary/censorious forms of affect-driven fear-based politics, and even socially acceptable forms (like true crime fandom) will tend to correlate with surprisingly vicious reactionary strains in people's otherwise progressive politics, if not even encourage the intensification of these strains over time.

I think it's risky to speak in straightforwardly causal terms, which is what the "pipeline" imagery does: if you hold views X and engage with other people with similar views, over time you will (or are overwhelmingly likely) to progress to certain other views. The Hertzsprung-Russel diagram from astronomy really is a useful metaphor here, I think. If you don't know, if you take all the stars in the sky we know about, and you plot them on a graph where one axis is their luminosity and the other axis is their color, you get an image that looks something like this:

It's hard to observe stellar evolution because it's rarely noticeable on human timescales (outside of the odd supernova), but you can notice patterns in the graph itself. Some of these, like the asymptotic giant branch or the Hayashi track, are reflective of diachronic relationships: how stars evolve over time. Others, like the main sequence, represent a synchronic relationship: stars at the opposite ends of the main sequence don't evolve to the other over the course of their lifetime (a large, bright O star at the top left of the main sequence will never become a red dwarf at the bottom right), but there is a real physical relationship here, about the relationship between mass, luminosity, and color of a star.

I think (to make the metaphor explicit) if you could chart people's tendency to indulge or even cultivate certain kinds of fear-driven ways of thinking, ones which are prone to dehumanizing the other, tickling our collective purity taboo, and exaggerating the threat to oneself and one's ingroup, against their political beliefs, a distinctive track or sequence would emerge: one not necessarily representing a full-blown evolutionary path all people with such tendencies are on, but nonetheless showing a useful relationship between the underlying thought process and the expressed opinions. I think this correlation is especially fertile in some quarters of American politics where it's often heightened by a racial dimension--witness what happens when you try to integrate school districts full of otherwise progressive, white, middle-class parents--but it's by no means solely an American phenomenon. British TERFs and the German anti-nuclear movement are both relevant here.

Now, to be clear, this is just a metaphor. I'm not sure you can give people's political beliefs an easily-agreed-upon Reactionariness Rating (though various dubious experiments in psychometry have tried) or Panickiness Rating. And similar instrumental beliefs can emerge from distinct frameworks about the world: to run with the trans example, person A has fearful and disgust-based responses to trans people bc they have their own hangups around gender and have cultivated an attitude of threat and disgust toward the outgroup; person B just has a cognitive tendency to sort the world into immutable categories, applies this to people also, and so has decided a priori trans people must be wrong about their self-reported experiences, and hasn't given it much thought since then. Both views are bad; but it requires something like the former to turn into Graham Linehan, a real obsessive asshole on a single issue, whereas the latter seems like the default starting position of most cis people before their beliefs are challenged in any way.

So I'm not positing the origin of all reactionary political beliefs here. Just one (I would argue) interesting trend. That said, yeah, I do think a lot of people's objection to (for example) the more fucked-up parts of AO3's archive stems from this impulse. It's hard, when society is increasingly converging on a roughly-though-not-entirely consequentialist understanding of the law and social mores, to make a purely deontological argument against the existence of pure fiction; thus, a lot of censorship regimes, or proponents of those regimes, work really hard to invent consequentialist reasons to support their censorship policies, and one of the only way I've seen these lines of argument really gain traction is by relying on our old friend, this kind of affective fear-driven reactionary politics I do not have a good concise name for. The relative popularity and perceived social acceptability of a particular flavor of affective fear-driven reactionary politics doesn't make it not an example of affective fear-driven reactionary politics.

I think you betray your own biases by your use of terminology: it seems to me that definitionally nothing that is fictional is CSEM. CSEM is used as a term for a very specific reason, because the common parlance, "child pornography," seems grossly inappopriate to, you know. Evidence of an actual crime, whose most central examples (i.e., not teens texting each other pictures of their butts) are records of acts of brutal violence. If I take to twitter and threaten the life of President Jack Ryan, it would be weird to classify those threats as an act of political terrorism, because Jack Ryan is a Tom Clancy character I just picked off a list of fictional U.S. presidents. And depictions of acts of political terrorism in the novels of Tom Clancy are not, themselves, political terrorism, just more schlocky political thriller that makes for decent beach reading. So "fictional CSEM" seems a contradiction in terms, at least in the sense that drives the reason for using the term in the first place.

Trying to censor things which only incidentally resemble other things because of that resemblance is usually bad, IMO! And some people seem to think that recognizing that something can be repellent and offensive to you while not meeting any reasonable criterion for censorship is the same as endorsing it--or, to be more accurate, they pretend to think that, hoping you will forget there are positions besides "think a thing is wholesome and good" and "think a thing should be made illegal."

More importantly, there is a more hard-nosed reason for us to go full "censorship is bad, eat my entire ass" in response to this kind of attitude, which is that censors lie about what they want to censor. "I only want to ban things we all can objectively agree are gross as hell" is a pretty popular position, historically. But then the Parents' Fanfiction Council or whatever gets involved, people try to shift the Overton window on what counts as gross as hell, and--as happened with Hollywood under the Hayes code--the space of acceptable expression contracts until the most vocally censorious are satisfied. The result is that eventually any kind of non-normative self-expression is considered objectionable (because someone somewhere can hammer out a Jesuitical logic whereby a theoretical innocent may come to harm)--and you're not going to protest that, are you? Because surely no decent person would want to read that disgusting filth, right? And you're a decent person.

#this is a way too long response #sorry #the short version is that antis and terfs is the same #and despite not being very personally invested in fanfiction #pearl-clutchers generally really get on my nerves

[lokisprettygirl]

Dom CEO Reader x Sub Loki (18+)

Read Chapter 1,2,3 Chapter 4 Five Six

Part 7

Summary : You fear that Loki is losing interest in you and it brings your feelings out on the surface

Warning : Sex, mommy kink, Sub Loki

Note : Nothing brings me comfort like sub loki does. So here's a little something. This thing has become a series of its own 😭

It's been more than a year since you started your secret affair with your ex assistant and current CFO Loki. None of your relationship has lasted this long before, the guys used to get bored of being dominated, or you got bored of them and the relationship never really evolved into more than just a physical one. However you knew Loki was special when you fucked him on your desk the first time. And you were starting to feel some way about it.

Especially when he was behaving really weird these days. He was avoiding you, he was ignoring your calls and in the office as well he'd try to not see you as much as he could. Sure you took him home and fucked him every other day but that was it, you felt that he was losing interest in you and thought bothered you, it hurt you. All your life you only tried to focus on the work and the money, you wanted to get as successful as you could, you wanted to tell everyone that you didn't need a man in your life who would provide for you, you wanted to be your own hero and you did.

But he was special, he was the sweetest, prettiest, kindest boy you have ever known and the thought that you might lose him killed you. You walked to the cafeteria to get a cup of coffee, Jaden was on leave today and you had to do everything by yourself. That's when you saw him giggling and laughing with one of the branch managers. They had a meeting today at the headquarters and you recognised her from there. You felt an intense pang in your heart as you realized that she was making him laugh like that. You wondered if he found you funny? You didn't understand where all this was coming from but you hated it.

You walked over to them with your coffee in your hand and your phone in another and she immediately stood up.

"Stay seated.. Sharon" you looked at her ID as you smiled, it was definitely a fake smile but you had to maintain your composure. Can't have them know that you're fucking your CFO or that you're in love with him.

"Something funny?" You sipped on your coffee and looked at Loki, he gave you a small smile and you hated it. His eyes didn't twinkle anymore, maybe you were overreacting but that's how you felt. The dark gray suit he wore looked perfect on him, a little too tight, but he was on a bulk, that was his new hobby apparently.

"I was just telling him about our accountant Michael, he's a really weird man" she giggled and Loki smiled as he looked at her. "We go way back actually, we were in the business school together, me and Loki" you looked at Loki, he didn't tell you that but it's not as if you ever asked him if he knew every employee working at different branches in different states of America.

"I should take my leave" Loki stood up and you got up with him.

"I'm here for two days, let's catch up hon" Sharon said to him and you had to bite on your tongue to keep your feelings in check

"Sure..see you" he hugged her and then you both walked out of the cafeteria.

"So did you guys fuck in college or what?" You asked him and he looked around as your voice sounded too loud

"We were just friends mam, ..can you lower down your voice?" He whispered the last part and you glared at him.

"I texted you, did you see it?" You asked him and he took out his phone from his coat pocket

"Oh no I'm sorry..I didn't check my phone actually" he told you as he went through the messages. Then he smiled as he looked at something on his phone, you tried to peek but he quickly put it back in his pocket. You texted him to know if he'd like to have lunch with you on the pretext of a meeting in your office but he never responded. Now you know why, he was busy giggling with old pal Sharon.

"And I have already had lunch soo.. tomorrow?" He asked you but you didn't answer him and started to walk briskly so he wouldn't see the tears that blurred your vision. He was probably fucking someone or seeing someone on the side, maybe he was afraid to tell you about losing interest in you because of his position at the company or whatever. You didn't want to seem weak, you're not weak. You're a strong independent woman and you can deal with this maturely.

He skipped on his steps to catch up with you

"Hey I'm sorry.. are you upset?" He asked you and you shook your head as you sipped on your coffee again

"Why would I be upset?" You asked him and he furrowed his brows in confusion

"Because I missed lunch?"

"So ?" You glared at him and walked away. He brushed his hair with his fingers. He was fucking this up and that was the last thing he wanted to do.

When everyone left he made his way to your office and knocked twice, then he heard you asking him to come in.

He locked the door and you heard the sound but you didn't look up from your laptop. Whatever he heard next knocked the breath out of his chest, he felt his world shattering around him

"I'm done with you, we should break up" you told him nonchalantly and his eyes filled with tears instantly. He was frozen in his spot at your indifference and how casually you uttered those words

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" His voice choked so you looked at him. He was your baby, he was. If he didn't want to belong to you anymore, you're not the type of person to drag it out unnecessarily, what good would it be for any of you ?

"Isn't it what you wanted?" You continued to click on the buttons of the keyboard and he walked closer to you

"Look at me, what's going on?" He asked you and you sighed

"I'm letting you go, you can do whatever the fuck you want now" you told him and you heard him sniffling. That broke you, you never thought you'd see a day where the sound of a man sniffling would crumble you.

"That's it, ..that's..that's how easy it is for you?" He asked you as he wiped his tears and you shut your laptop with such a force that you knew it would be broken when you open it next

"Get out Loki, I'm making this easy for you. If you wanted out, this is your chance" you got up and grabbed your bag. You can't be here anymore. You can't be around him. The thought of him being not yours killed you from inside, the thought of him belonging to someone else felt even worse. You pictured some other women calling him her pretty boy, being his Mommy in bed and fucking him senselessly and it made you want to burn everything around you. You never thought you'd end up feeling this intensely about someone. As you walked past him he grabbed your arms and pulled you closer

"Stop stop …please stop..what are you doing..what are you doing?" He sobbed and slowly went down on his knees, he grabbed your hand in his and kissed it all over then he looked up at you

"Pleasee stop.. what did I do miss?..tell me how I have wronged you, punish me if you have to, just don't leave me.. please mommy please..I can't.. please" he sobbed and wrapped his arms around your waist, then he placed his head on your torso and cried his heart out. Why was he doing this? You were giving him an out then why wasn't he taking it?

"Lo..stop crying" your voice trembled as you spoke, your fingers caressed through his head and he looked up at you, his eyes were teary and red. He pulled you closer again and pressed soft kisses on your torso, then his hands roamed under your skirt. As much as you wanted to fuck him senseless, you needed to know if he was still your baby or not.

"What did I do? Tell me..tell me y/n..tell me what did I do to hurt you" he asked you again

"You have been ignoring me for two weeks" his eyes widened in realization, he had missed a few calls and texts, but you only called him at the wrong time.

"I didn't do it to hurt you miss"

"Why did you do that?" You crossed your arms and he sighed

"Because I'm stupid, I ..last year I didn't do anything special for your birthday, and I just wanted to do something special, something that would surprise you.. something nice..I was avoiding you because I thought I would spoil it if I see you all the time. If I had any idea that I was hurting you like this I..I'm sorry"

Now you felt stupid, really stupid.

"I thought you were losing interest in me" you mumbled as your eyes teared up and he shook his head, then he started crying again.

"No no no..please no .. I love you..I love you so much..please don't leave me" you cupped his cheeks and made him look at you

"I'm sorry I misunderstood this so badly..I just..I don't want to lose my baby..I love you so much, I never thought I could love someone the way I love you..I was scared that you found someone else" he shook his head desperately as he heard you.

"I'm all yours, I'm your baby, I'm yours mommy I promise, I promise..I promise" he stood up and kissed you. You took his coat off slowly as he did

"I'm yours.. always, never going to hurt you like that.. you own me, you own every little piece of me" he whispered between the kisses and you pushed him against the desk then you made him sit down on it. You unbuttoned his shirt one by one as you sucked on his neck. The sound of his moans got rid of whatever fear you still had left regarding his feelings for you. He was yours. He belongs to you

"I was jealous" you mumbled in his ear and he brought his arms up to cup your cheeks and kiss you. You were opening up to him about your fears and Insecurities, he knew how hard it was for you to do that. His heart swelled at the feeling, you were jealous and hurt because you didn't want to lose him. You wanted him to be yours as much as he wants to belong to you

"I'm all yours mommy, Please fuck me.. take me.. punish me.. whatever you need to do just do it to me, ruin me for hurting you ..I'll take everything you give me I'm all yours" he whispered as he unzipped your skirt and took your shirt off. You took off his pants and he moaned as the cold glass of your desk touched his bare bottom..that's how you fucked him the first time.

"I just want to love you my sweet boy, I just want to love you" you climbed on top of him and sat down on his lap with your knees on either side of his waist and took him in as quickly as you could. You wanted to claim him. He moaned loudly as he felt your walls surrounding his cock, gripping him like a vice. He could never get enough of you, he was addicted to this life now, he loved being underneath you, loved being your submissive little baby boy. You'd be his only mommy in bed, nobody can make him feel the way you do. He loves you.

"That's my baby, that's where you belong.. right in there" you whispered as you started to hop up and down on his cock. He took your bra off so he could watch your breasts jiggle.

"Mmm yesss yess please.. you're my everything miss .. I can't imagine my life without you now" your eyes teared up as he said that.

"Tell me what you are" you caressed his cheeks as you questioned him

"I'm your baby"

"Mmm what else?"

"I'm your whore, your submissive little whore, I'm your boyfriend and your man, the man you'd never need in your life but the one you want. I'll serve you forever I promise" you moaned at the sweet words.

"I do want you my sweet baby, I want you forever"

It was true that you didn't need any man but you wanted this one desperately. You wanted all of him. He grabbed your hips and held you still on his cock. Then he placed one of his arms on the desk for support, pulled his legs up on the desk and started to thrust in and out of your pussy. He looked obscenely sexy and you could watch him move like that for eternity. He was biting on his lower lip, his body was soaked with sweat and his abs flexed with every thrust, he was a sight to behold

"Oh…such a good boy..look at you, you're beautiful, so beautiful..I love you little lo"

"I love you..fuck I'm close.. am I fucking you nice and deep mommy?" He asked you and you placed your hands on his shoulders as you felt your own orgasm threatening to snap inside you

"So deep baby..gosh..I'm there..keep moving" you commanded him and how could he ever deny you? He wouldn't even cum unless you tell him to. He'd wash your feet and drink the water if you'd ask him to, that's how obsessed he was with you. How could you even think that he could lose interest in you?

"Cum babyboy cum with me ..fill me with your cum"

And he exploded right on command, he laid down on the desk, his body started to shudder as his orgasm hit him like a rock. You felt his cock twitching inside you, fuck if you could capture this view you would. You moved your hips slightly as you both rode through the pleasurable high. It kept coming and coming and when it finally ended you collapsed on top of him and he wrapped his arms around you.

"Still have any doubts regarding my interest in you?" He asked you and you looked at him , then you smiled

"Don't ever ignore me again"

"I wouldn't want to but if it ends this way, I'm not sure I won't be tempted to do it again" you sat up on him, he was still inside you then you pulled him up as well

"Sorry I ruined your surprise"

"It's okay, you still don't know what it is, I'm sorry I hurt you, I never wanted to" you smiled and leaned forward to kiss his forehead

"It's okay, made me realize that I'd never want to lose you or your interest in me" he giggled as you said that, then he teared up at what followed next

"I'm going to marry you someday"

#loki #loki x female reader #loki x reader smut #loki x reader angst #loki x reader fluff #loki x reader insert #loki x reader #dom reader x sub loki #sub loki #soft loki

[clarks-letterman]

Wally anon: Oh yay, good. I never know with fans cause some people hate 3 soooo much & it's like damn calm down. (but omg, I know, Idk howwww the same Kevin Williamson who wrote 1/2 planned that shit for 3 & the people who sit around STILL wanting it + Stu to be back is like ???? For me, I'd say things are mostly held together well with 2/3/4 but then you get to 5 & 6 &, well...💀) Oh, I'm not a fan of Judy's kill at all fjdhsk. 🙈 I enjoy Wes's, but wish it had retained the chase element included in the script. Chases are forgotten so frequently & I don't understand howww when everyone always celebrates them when they happen.

Ohhh, I fully misread that lolllll. But guess that's another kink added to the roster for you. 🤭

Yup & it's so weird how some gay will, like...actively chase/obsess over them. Like, I know it's a complicated matter cause you can't help who you like, but...he don't want you. 😶 Especially when they're still able to make you cum even when you've lost the feeling in your legs. 🫣

Oh no💔 Hope you'll be able to bounce outta that 😓 Understandable @ time. I did see how there was a lot of hype for the newest Spider-Man when it dropped (but I fr don't know when the last game I played was I'm terribleeee with that 🫠).

Yupppp 🙌 (I'll see what I can do soon since I'm obviously a little more predisposed to smut lolllll) With such enticing options like Steve & Billy, who wouldn't be? 🤫 (Oh yeah, in general, I feel there isn't enough love for Jason. I understand why. cause some of his behavior, but in the same way that Eddie was reverse engineered to be an ~one season emotional death~ I feel they also. short-changed Jason by making him a ~one season crazy villain~ when it's like...we should be expecting a lot more when we know what this team can do when they try 🤔)  (fhdkdk I used. to be a 3 hater specifically. cause Jeff, but I obviouslyyyyy agree with you now from my placement of it in my ranking) I fr wish 3 had. been the end cause everythinggggg revolving around Amanda John & Lynn just WORKS & it is soooo devastating cause how much we had watched Amanda evolve from movie to movie (but no, we just had to keep going & going after that...) fjdhd tear the devs apart damn 😭 But that's good to know @ you still loving it despite issues. I've never played, just watched a lot of streamers/YTers play (since we've established I'm not much of a gamer), but I very much see the appeal. (But ooh. Makes sense with our ongoing Scream discussions. Who all are your favorite characters/killers in the game?)

It's to the point where terminology like "problematic" has lost all meaning for me cause some people will see the way someone eats a bagel & call it problematic (an exaggeration, but at the same time...is it?) like be fr. There are sometimes. where points are made, but with these 2, in particular, I'm like, "Hmmm, I think y'all are speaking too much on them & jumping to conclusions with their characters." 🧐 Yuppp, absolutely agreed with all of that. In general, outside some cases, when plots entirely. have to rely on extended flashbacks to fill-in information, it strikes me as extremely. lazy cause if Laura was supposed to be such an important character...why were we even spending all that time with the other counselors ckdhd? 💀💀💀 Oh yeah, voice. is to be expected cause that's unique to each writer, but when somebody is avoiding any & all attempts at letting readers know what they're in store for in a fic & basically describe themselves exactly as the "reader," it's like okay 50 Shades Of Grey 🫤

There's just tiny little thoughts so far. I'll have to let them ruminate. 👀 Oh that reallyyyy has me picturing him slapping his fat dick on top of the desk & sliding it back & forth over the paper, getting pre-cum everywhere. 😳

Chases are soooo🤭 idk it makes a slasher icon hot when they gotta chase after you. Like wowwww you want to gut them that bad?? Say less‼️ Plus it’s menacing as hell. Like that one scene of ghostface in the opening of the first movie is so well remembered because he’s literally chasing after someone and you see him gaining on Stacy (was that her name?? the blonde girl from the opening of Scream) and that was scary. Knowing someone is booking after you is crazyyyy

Yup yup, it’s my go to for superheroes because “genetic mutations” made them cum a lotttt and let’s apply it to ghosts

LMAO yeah the gay guys that can’t accept straights are straight are the same as men going for women who aren’t interested in them. Same things fr, same disrespect across the board. Exactly!! They’ve cum so much yet they’re making you still leak cum while everything’s weak😮‍💨

Yeah I’m playing some DBD to take a break from it. I do my best writing at night anyways, so I’m waiting for it to get dark and listen to music and all that🤭

Oh, i’ll take angst smut too🤭 that’s just as good whether it’s hatefucking or something more intense. Jason was missed potential tbh… but I think he gets overhated on a lot. Mostly because he was abusive and hurt lucas and max but like… he had no idea what was going on??😭 I like his representation of an actual outsider getting involved in the mess going on behind the scenes that the main group has kept hidden. It’s better than the Hawkins Lab villains being all basic and generic because Jason at least represents the average person.. 3 makes sm sense to be the end of the series because it kills the main guy making the traps. They could’ve (and should’ve) done a spinoff focusing on Amanda instead of writing her out too. I hate that they kept being like “well this person was shadowing john before this person who was shadowing john before this person…” it’s just so repetitive. In terms of Killers, Ghostface is an aesthetically pleasing character but he’s not my main because his power kinda sucks😪 (stalking but he’s too slow to make good use of it), Demogorgon was up there as my main because he can teleport and has a good ‘dash’ ability that lets him do a long range jump attack, and Tiffany (chucky) is really fun for the same reason as Demo (Michael Myers would be on here but I’m waiting for his rework because his power is so ass). Pig I already said was a favorite of mine since you literally put people in reverse bear traps. Trickster, Artist, and Dredge are probably my favorite original killers in the game. In terms of survivors, I just put who’s hottest as my favorite, and usually it’s Renato Lyra (wrote a fic about pookie🤭) and Gabriel Soma. For licensed survivors, I’d choose Steve Harrington or Leon, since they both have decently good perks and are just🥵 (in other source material, they’re just okay looking here but it’s like how fortnite Leon was adapted to fit the games art style.)

Honestly, that’s so real. Like, the bagel could be from a farm that supports X company and that company is bad because they did/said this years ago. It’s so just sksjsks. It’s like boycotts of massive companies and then “cancelling” people online for giving them money. I feel like most people forget that a lot of Americans don’t have the luxury to boycott some places because they offer affordable items, need it for work, etc. So annoying. Tbh I think with fictional characters, it really doesn’t matter about their actions. Obviously, anything fictional about real people is a different story (like yes, it is problematic to write DAHMER FANFIC?!/&/&/&.. sorry, i just still can’t believe it exists. weirdly enough, i complained about that in a fanfic circle and got banned for “yucking someone’s yum” like, excuse me??) The Billy stuff was particularly annoying because you could not say one nice thing about him without his relationship with Max or him being racist becoming a topic of discussion, but my thing is that he’s fictional and the topic of fics has nothing to do with either?? So no one’s glorifying that part of him or making it out to be good. FIFTY SHADES OF GREY IS SO REAL. EL JAMES IS MY ENEMY FOR MESSING WITH TWILIGht‼️ I know i write very dirty fanfics and smut about other peoples characters, but EL James writing Twilight smut fanfic, then publishing it as 50 Shades, then stealing several of Stephanie Meyers’ moves after publishing the book is so crazy.

Okay okay, I won’t take the cake out too early🫣 I’ll wait and excitedly check my inbox for these because they sound interesting👀 And yesss those papers are drenched and sticking together and he’s like “whoops. guess you’ll have to start all over again after you help me out with this.”

#wally clark #wally clark x you

[foundthe8wing]

Okay, doing this over here because my main tumblr is usually a place for me to vibe and I don’t want all the bullshit tied to that account, but basically: I’m really angry and disappointed with the dndads cast for how they’ve put a lot of the minors in their fanbase in danger. Everything below is a repost from twitter (with permission from the OP, crypticjoy), and I’ll link the thread in a reblog. 

Under a cut because it’s long and potentially triggering (content warnings for grooming, sexualizing minors, and sexual assault)

[OP tagged the relevant cast accounts; I added slashes here bc I’m not sure if those same urls exist on tumblr and I don’t want to be randomly tagging people over here]

5:49 PM Sep 5, 2020

“I don’t usually do this, but: the way that the cast of @/dungeonsanddads engages with their audience is actively dangerous to minors, and they need to get it together. (cw for discussion of grooming, sexualizing minors, sexual assault)

First off, there are some iffy jokes and situations in the podcast itself. I’m not going to get into all of it right here, but have a google doc: [doc will also be linked in reblog]

Yes, the kids in #dndads are fictional, but that doesn’t mean this stuff doesn’t affect real kids listening. a. it normalizes talking/joking about kids in that way and b. There’s a lot of inconsistancy and confusion on the lines they draw--

Paeden saying “baby” is weird but Ron sitting in Terry Jr’s lap isn’t? I’m confused. You know who the fuck relies on that type of confusion and unclarity? Fucking predators

And I’m not saying every in-character decision has to be perfectly moral or acceptable, but the way the cast, out of character, discuss what’s weird and what’s not sends a lot of mixed messages. And that’s legitimately dangerous.

So then you take all of this, and you add a patron discord server that lets nsfw discussions run virtually unchecked--you create a fandom space that allows adults to discuss kinks, and porn searches, and just, all this other stuff, with teenagers...

... and it becomes a breeding ground for grooming and abuse.

The creators aren’t responsible for babysitting their fanbase or for how people engage with their content outside of their spaces (though, again, I’d urge them to be very careful about what kind of messages they’re sending)

But  they ARE responsible for taking basic steps to keep the spaces that THEY create and engage with safe.

“But the rules for the server say 18+!” The rules say you have to be 18 *or have parental permission.* They also say to keep things PG-13. That’s vastly different than establishing something as an adult-only/nsfw space.

“Minors shouldn’t be joining/listening anyway!” The cast can’t control who listens and neither can I, but there’s a difference between knowing teens are listening to you discuss sex with your adult friends vs facilitating conversations between teens and adults on those topics.

“If people are uncomfortable they can just leave.” First off, this situation isn’t just uncomfortable, it’s unSAFE. Second: fuck that. It’s not on minors to set and maintain boundaries about this stuff; a lot of them literally do not know how

Not because they’re stupid, but because they’re young and inexperienced. It’s the responsibility of adults to set and enforce healthy boundaries around sexual discussions, and this particular group of adults has done a fucking terrible job

(Maybe don’t encourage listeners to DM you about kinks! Maybe especially don’t do that when you’ve communicated, intentionally or not, that making and escalating sexual jokes is a really good way to get a reaction from you guys)

I get that they didn’t expect to have so many young listeners, but to be aware of that fact and make no adjustments whatsoever is irresponsible and it WILL lead to someone getting hurt. Does their “young, thirsty, female” audience only exist to them when they can laugh about it?

And let’s be absolutely 1000% clear: this isn’t an issue they’re unaware of. The stuff I’m talking about is an ongoing problem with how their server is run, but it came to a head with one specific situation very recently:

They released a bonus, patron-exclusive episode about the dads taking the bdsm test. Given the general state of the server, I was worried about where those discussions might lead, so before it dropped, I reached out to @/anthony_burch to express my concern

He told me he raised the issue with @/fwong and Ashley, meaning at least three members of the dndads team were aware of the situation, and decided it didn’t warrant any type of preemptive action on their part

(alternatively, it means Anthony lied, which would be a whole separate issue)

[Image ID: a discord DM conversation from Sep 1, 2020, between a crossed out username and reverendanthony. It reads: 

OP: heyyyyy have you guys considered that releasing an episode focused on the bdsm test is almost inevitably going to lead to a bunch of 15 year olds sharing their results in your server because you might want to get ahead of that before someone gets hurt

reverendanthony: oh holy shit, really good idea

OP: thanks, I know it's easy to veer into that territory just because of the nature of your show but I wanted to bring it to your attention because I figured you don't want to create a situation that's like, actively dangerous (and for the record I'm willing to discuss what I think would make it safer but I'm also not going to assume you want/need my input, obviously you can handle it however you see fit)

reverendanthony: No, thank you for bring it up, I really appreciate it -- I just raised the issue with Freddie and Ashley

OP: Good to know, thank you /End ID]

I’m not overreacting. I have seen this shit happen, to my friends and to myself, and watching the dndads cast take absolutely no meaningful action to prevent situations like that from occurring directly under their noses makes me fucking livid

I can guarantee that the #dungeonsanddaddies fanbase includes both predators and survivors of abuse, grooming, etc (including those currently living through it), and I need them to think very, very hard about which group they’re prioritizing.

And I need that choice to be evident through more than just their words, because it doesn’t fucking matter how much you “really appreciate” that I brought up my concerns if you do fuck-all to address them.

It doesn’t matter how many times you say the word “consent” if apparently everyone was okay that “Darryl gets sexually assaulted” was almost a plot point played for laughs.

(His dare from Scam  would have been rape, straight up. Just because no one said the word doesn’t mean it wasn’t coercive and gross).

I’d like to think the @/dungeonsanddads cast isn’t intentionally encouraging abuse, but they’re sure as hell enabling it, and they needed to get their shit together ages ago, because they’re not the ones their negligence hurts.”

Quote retweet by OP 6:51 PM Sep 7, 2020

“So, they updated the rules for the patron server, but I want to be really clear that from my perspective, it’s way too little, way too late. 

The new rules don’t adequately address the core issues and they certainly don’t absolve the cast of the harm they’ve already caused. 

[Tweet includes 2 screenshots: one of a bot asking people to click thumbs up to confirm they’re 18+ (or have a parent’s permission) and agree to the rules, and one that includes two of the rules. It reads: 

“This is an 18+ space. Them’s the rules: per Patreon’s policy, you must be 18+ or have parental permission.

Use language as if you’re at your parents dinner table. Don’t get people in trouble because of your SPICY POSTS. Keep conversation polite. NSFW content is not allowed!”]

(and before anyone says I should bring up my concerns privately, a quick refresher on how well that went last time I did it:) 

[links back to the “(alternatively, it means Anthony lied . . .)” tweet from the original thread]

So hey, @/fwong, some thoughts:

1.The rules are vague and unclear: what /exactly/ do you mean when you say “NSFW content is not allowed!” when the content of your show itself is so often nsfw? And how are you planning to enforce this?

Does it mean you’ll shut down the MBIC conversation that is literally just kink discussion? I need you to be clear on where the line is, because, again, predators rely on that confusion. Don’t give them a gray area to play in. 

For an example of a more clear policy, it’s pretty easy to say, “yep, ‘Henry gets pegged’ sure is a sentence we said on our show and you don’t have to pretend it’s not, but if you’d like to discuss it in any more detail at all, you need to move”

2. Remember how I said I needed to be clear on whether you’re prioritizing survivors or predators? While I doubt it was intentional, the language you’re using here is prioritizing predators.

It’s not “don’t get people in trouble,” it’s “don’t make people uncomfortable.” It’s “we all have a responsibility to make sure this space is safe for everyone, especially the younger members of the community.”

You’re setting people up to be afraid of expressing concerns for fear of “getting people in trouble” or “inciting unnecessary drama.” Even if it’s not what YOU meant, it’s very easy for those words to be manipulated, so +

You absolutely have to be explicitly clear that if someone expresses their discomfort, you’ve got their back. Being safe is more important than being polite. 

3. I need every cast member to take responsibility for their own actions. I’ve gotten no indication from any of you that you understand the ways in which the in-show things I brought up were harmful.

Acknowledging that harm is important not just because of the immediate effects of that content, but also because it implicitly sets an example for how similar complaints should be dealt with going forward.

When someone says “hey, I was uncomfortable that you seem fine with the Glennary ship, because she reads as very young to me,” I don’t need a dissertation on how the perception of characters can evolve due to your improvisational nature

I need to hear “oh, I interpreted her differently, but you’re right, we should have been more clear, and I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable.” Because your responses to your own mistakes set the tone for any other situations like that going forward.

How comfortable is someone going to be with coming to you, or Ash, or any of the mods about someone making them uncomfortable if they’ve seen that when people call YOU out, they’re argued with and shut down?

Don’t tell people you’ve “made it clear that you won’t go there” when they tell you that you ARE there. Listen to them and do better. 

Set the expectation that people will be respected when they raise their concerns. “If you want to come at me you have to bring the heat” is not an appropriate response on a subject that made people genuinely uncomfortable. 

In essence: set people up to be supported and protected, not dismissed. 

[It’s like a matriosche of tweets over here. This one links to another thread, also by crypticjoy. That thread reads:

A non-comprehensive guide to keeping discord servers safe for minors:

1. Make designated channels for nsfw/18+ discussion. Generally speaking, this is a lot more effective than banning those discussions altogether, because it’s a lot easier to say “hey, can you move this conversation?” than “hey, I need you to stop”

In fandom spaces, it’s usually a good idea to have separate channels for talking about nsfw fiction vs discussing your personal sex lives.

2. Give everyone minor/adult roles; make sure your 18+ channels are locked to people who don’t have an adult role. It’s important that there’s more of a barrier there than just checking a box.

3. NSFW channels shouldn’t necessarily be a free-for-all; be aware of people’s boundaries and respect them (for example, r*pe jokes aren’t funny or okay, even if you’re not making them around kids)

4. Explicitly state in your rules that people should feel free to come to mods if anyone is making them uncomfortable. Actually listen to people and resolve the situation if they do approach you.

5. Make it clear that creepy behavior via DMs or other means is also not tolerated--you can’t control what people do outside your server, but you can make the choice to not allow people like that in your space

6. Make sure mods are on top of things BEFORE people have to say anything; sometimes being a mod means being willing to be the “asshole” who shuts things down before they get out of hand, even if they’re not asked.

Be generally aware of signals that people are uncomfortable or that things are escalating too far, and address those situations sooner rather than later.

*It should be noted that safety involves a lot of components beyond just containing nsfw discussions; this thread just happens to be focused on that one specific element.

oh also! It's a good idea to provide resources on grooming so people know what to look out for [links to some resources; again, this’ll be in the reblog]]

So, @/dungeonsanddads, if you’re interested in anything beyond just having a flimsy excuse you can point to to cover your own ass, I’m gonna need you to try again.

Sorry I can’t be nicer about it, but I’ve given so many benefits of the doubt I could be running a successful charity, and this isn’t an issue I’m willing to drop. 

10:02 PM

Thought I was done but actually I've got a few more questions: to what extent were @/HeyBethMay, @/WillBCampos, and @/mattLarnold included in conversations about this issue/the new rules? Is this something your whole team is involved in?

Have you discussed what you're doing on a team and individual basis to keep your fan interactions safe, and are you on the same page about how much it matters? Are you holding each other accountable? Is everyone okay with where this ended up?”

#dungeons and daddies #dndads #cw grooming #cw SA #8wing

[monster-bait]

I’m an exophilia writer like you, and I like writing intimacy in my work. But sometimes, I feel internally weird/embarrassed/ashamed about writing sex. If you’ve ever felt this way, how’d you get over it/how do you cope with that feeling? I just want to enjoy writing sexy stuff without feeling weird about it. Any tips would be appreciated. Love love love your blog.

Aaaa, Hello, fellow writer! Thank you so much for the kind words! 

Okay, so first off...I have been writing for a very long time. Like anything, writing a sex scene is something you have to learn, a skill to develop, and no skill develops overnight. So, if you’re relatively new to writing sex scenes (relativity is relative) then cut yourself some slack. I look back on some of my early smutty scenes and nearly die of cringe. Hell, I look back on smut scenes I wrote last year and want to die of cringe. Our skills are ever-evolving, and the more you do it, the easier it gets. 

I’m going to break this answer into two parts: smut-specific and writing intimate scenes in general. Also: what is sexy is subjective. I was asked a very similar question about a year or two ago by a young writer who didn’t have much experience writing intimate scenes, but had one planned for her story. Another writer jumped into the conversation, at which point I bowed out, because she and I had polar-opposite styles and were giving conflicting advice. It played out like this: 

Asker: I’m brand new at smut and don’t know where to start, teehee! 

Me: be sure to include sensory details and show what you’re comfortable showing! 

Other writer: be sure to vividly describe character A’s testicles slapping character B in the face! 

😐 

Writers giving advice: for the love of Mab, please consider your audience.

Smutty smutness: No, I don’t get embarrassed when I’m writing these scenes. No, I don’t get turned on when I’m writing them, I don’t feel the need to go to church and confess my smutty sins, I don’t need to book quality one-on-one time with myself and a vibrating partner immediately after finishing said scene. Writing, for me, is technical. Writing sex is old hat. Again, I’ve been doing this for a long time. The more you work at it, the easier it gets/those feelings will fade. If you put more of the focus on the craft of writing itself, the subject matter becomes negligible.

But! Within saying that, I think there are some things you can do:

Use language with which you’re comfortable 

I will tell you guys right now, there are certain words you will never find in my writing. I don’t find them sexy, and if I don’t find them sexy, I’m not going to use them. I don’t care what other writers do, I don’t care if readers think that’s limiting. Dick sounds like something a 14 year old boy would say. You know what’s not sexy? 14 year old boys. Pussy to my ears is a word for male gaze-driven porn, and has no place in my writing. Cunt has its place when applied well, but if its the only word you know how to use, I’m probably going to stop reading. If you’re describing your female character’s genitalia as a greedy, dripping gash, I can promise you I’m going to stop reading. And that’s fine, because it wasn’t written for me. Don’t use language you’re uncomfortable using. I know that seems small, but it can make a huge difference, and adopting a mindset of staying within the parameters of your comfort and control might lessen the subconscious need to “sound” smutty, if you know what I mean. There is no right way to write, and that includes sex scenes.

By that same token:

Show as much as you’re comfortable showing 

There’s nothing wrong with a fade to black. There’s nothing wrong with soft-focus sex. There’s nothing wrong with graphic details either, and you’ve got to figure which of the three (or which combination) works best for you. Think about the difference in the M and E rating on Ao3 for a guide, if that helps. (someone in the audience, find that great post about mailing a letter, pls!) Decide the tone of your scene: Do you want to focus on sensuality or the details of the actions? This is the difference between slowly peeling that quivering-with-anticipation little stamp out of her papery underthings and affixing her gently to the front of the envelope’s broad front; and licking that stamp for all she’s worth, your tongue moving in a frenzy against her stickiness and you can’t tell where your mouth ends and her sticky back begins, the drool from your oral onslaught activating her adhesiveness until she’s stiffened against the envelope, flat on her back and spent, the act complete.

(seriously, someone find that post, it does a much better job than I just did!)

Above all, stay true to your characters, and remember that your writing skills don’t get to take a smoke break just because you’re writing a sex scene...which leads to my secondary set of advice:

(I by no means consider myself an expert in this arena, but here are some things I like to focus on when writing an intimate scene)

Sensory details: sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell 

A good sex scene needs to be more than “insert tab A into slot B”. Give us a sense of the space, put us into our character’s head. The sensory details you add can paint a very specific picture for your reader, so that one sex scene doesn’t blend into the next. In Girl’s Weekend, I tried to give the sex scenes between Tate & Silva a very distinct feel through the sensory details Silva experiences: she feels small beneath the high ceilings, the bedding in his apartment is always plush beneath her, the lighting is always dim, his hair is silky in her hands, his lips are always sweet. And you know, they’re fucking. But that’s not the only detail I’m focusing on, because that’s not giving insight into her state of mind, and also: it’s boring. Set a scene, tell us where your characters are, what they’re experiencing, if that vase of roses can be smelled from where they are, how the moon cuts through the window to bathe the bed in shadows.

State of mind

You don’t need to exclusively write about genitals mashing together. There was an essay I read million years ago (about the writer’s relationship with her boyfriend and his watersports kink, of all things) that was ostensibly about sex, but the focus was on her state of mind for nearly the entire piece. There’s a scene towards the end when she’s describing the last time they had sex, objectively the best, most satisfying sex they’d ever had, descriptive and hot, the female MC is riding her boyfriend, she’s in absolute ecstasy...but she already feels emotionally disengaged from him and the relationship, and the line I still remember almost two decades I after I read the essay for the first time is “And as I’m loving you, I’m leaving you.” You can still pack an emotional wallop in the midst of a sex scene without needing to stop the action and make your characters have a Serious Conversation™. Show us into their heads! Which leads me to...

Don’t forget about character voice! 

If you guys are ever worried that I’ve been body-snatched, just know that if I ever respond to one of these asks and don’t mention character voice, you know it’s not me. Just because you’re describing the hot and heavy stuff doesn’t mean you shut the proverbial bedroom door on your character’s unique voices and personalities. If your character would never engage in dirty talk, don’t force it on them. Tate and Silva have the capacity to be f i l t h y with each other; Khash does to a point, but Lurielle would die laughing of embarrassment. Know your characters! 

If you keep the focus on the characters, their voices and actions and thoughts, the fact that someone’s getting their face ridden is going to be a heck of a lot less embarrassing, because you’ve to focus on the writing. 

I hope that helps, Anony! 

Team, going forward all of your anonymous writing advice asks are going to be fair game to be included in the “For Writers” sections of my (still under construction) website which you should absolutely go visit! ...and sign up for email updates on my publication news, and click some of the other social social media bubbles while you’re there!

#monsterbait answers #writing advice #writing #writing woes #Anonymous

[usearki]

Writing Tag Game

Tagged by @alectoperdita. Thank you! 💜

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Nine

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

84,054

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

In The Locker Room - YGO KaiJou fic - the first one I published I think. Didn’t make it to FFN for obvious reasons, but I did originally put it on AFF. :P

The Valentine’s Card - More KaiJou fic. This one has two unfinished alternate versions that never made it to publication. ^_^’

Love Me or Lose Me - Same pairing again. Might be the shortest YGO fic I’ve published.

Virtual Jou - Yeah, I feel like most of us have to have a go at the virtual world trope sometime.

The Literary Dog - Jou having a passion for books? Why not?

4. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Most of the time. Unless it’s a mean comment or something weird where I’m not sure how to respond.

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I don’t tend to do angsty endings.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Um... they all have happy endings I think... I don’t think there’s any one that’s happier than any other... *shrug*

7. Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I love crossovers. My first NaNo success was a YGO / Ranma 1/2 crossover where Kaiba drowned at Jusenkyo and then Jou fell in after and got cursed to turn into Kaiba. It’s only published on FFN though. I might go through and edit/tidy it up a bit and stick it on Ao3 at some point.

The craziest one... is unpublished and unfinished and has spanned at least 2 NaNo’s. It started as a Tasertricks MCU fic... which then evolved to include YGO (where the Kaiba Brothers are Loki’s kids and Loki faked his death to protect them from Odin) and it also has Ranma 1/2, Ah! My Goddess and a few others. Don’t know if I’ll ever finish or publish it but yeah, that’s the craziest one.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yes, but not for a long time. But then I only just started posting fic again after stopping in 2014 so... there’s time. XD

(Worse was the one where I received disappointment rather than hate. That one actually hurt at the time.)

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I do and I have. It’s usually pretty vanilla though. No kinks or anything. ^_^’

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No.

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

KaiJou of course. I don’t know why that ship appeals to me over all others but it does. Azureshipping is a close second.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

That crossover I mentioned above. (I don’t like to start publishing anything unless I have the first draft finished.)

15. What are your writing strengths?

Um... I can’t answer that. ^_^’’’

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

I feel like most of it some days... although writing action is HARD. (Don’t ask me to write duels - if I have to include one I do the equivalent of fade to black)

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I prefer it if people write the English dialogue in italics with ‘said in Russian’ or something like that. Not the other language with a translation as it’s clunky and throws me right out. Even worse if you have to scroll to the bottom to see the translation. Nope.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Sailor Moon, although I deleted the one fic I published for it on FFN as I felt it had aged terribly in the last... almost 19 years now, and I was worried that someone would take it in bad faith.

19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Probably The Literary Dog.

Tagging... err... anyone who wants to do it because I always feel weird about tagging people.

#tag game #me #writing #why did I do this? LMAO #I don't usually do these XD #edited because I accidentally a question LMAO

[ikemen-bully]

The Heroine’s Importance

I already posted this on my main blog but now that I have blog exclusively for otome game I rather keep it there.

Back then when Utapri and Hakuouki were the notorious reverse harems of their time, their heroines were as hated as the anime was loved. A weird phenomenon since they’re… the heroine of those shows.

Haruka Nanami was even the driving force of the show. In Utapri, which was an anime about music, she was the one with the idea that the boys should come together and become idols. She’s the reason why STARISH exists in the first place.

For Hakuouki, the case was a bit different. It was a historic anime where the warriors of the Shinsengumi were changed into bishonen (a bit in the similar fashion that Ikemen Sengoku is today) and even if it followed some real events, a plot about human experimentation and oni was also included.

In this story Chizuru Yukimura wasn’t the responsible of the Shinsengumi, but we could see the story through her eyes and assisted the evolution of the story through her.

Both did their job as the heroine. The story was enjoyable.

To me it was weird to try to dissociate the quality the anime with the quality of their heroine. If the heroine was this awful, how her presence didn’t ruin the anime for those who hated her?

Well obviously because of the boys, who were kind of the point of those anime. After all they were put forward, especially in Hakuouki, for a reason.

Still it was unfair to judge them so cruelly, so today in fandom, this behaviour is criticized.

Now we even get positivity for the heroine, such as putting them on an equal foot as the boys! Which is great!

But is it true?

I thought about doing this post because I thought of a short-lived trend in anime which revealed a certain behaviour in both the creators of those anime and their fandom.

“The heroine matter as much as the boys”

The anime which started this trend in my eyes was Amnesia.

In this story the heroine wakes up without her memories and her soul linked to a fairy, Orion, which collided with her and made her lose her memories this way.

It had an original concept, stunning visual, wonderful OST (an opening by Yanagi Nagi!), it looked mysterious and I was very curious about it.

To my dismay, the anime was boring to say the least. And it wasn’t because it was a reverse harem so it was to be expected. Utapri and Hakuouki had their flaws but they weren’t outright uninteresting.

The problem that was the most noticeable was the heroine which didn’t even have a name or a personality.

So as the anime can make you guess, the heroine has amnesia. She’s lost at the beginning of the anime, making this premise interesting. After all when a character has amnesia, one of the points of the story is to make them recover their memories.

Which means that the heroine will be a very important character, even more since everything is from her POV! Right? Right?

The heroine doesn’t evolve throughout the story. She’s merely there for the boys to be in love with her past self, the one before she had amnesia and even if she cares for them (as a heroine always has to do) she doesn’t really love any and just adapts to the one she’s supposed to love in the animated route.

I can’t say that the heroine of Amnesia is badly written since she’s barely written at all. She’s there to support the boys and forgive anything which happens to her. For example being harassed or get sequestrated in a cage :

Even in this situation where the love interest keep her in a cage, she care more about how much he does that to “protect her” :

.Except to protect herself from direct danger (and even like this she needs Orion to tell her to be careful because she can’t think for herself), she doesn’t care about her own well being as much as a normal human being would.

Brothers conflict have a simpler plot where the heroine’s father marries a woman who has 13 sons, making her their only step sister.

Different conflict with the brothers will arise and it’s already challenging to try to develop the characters when there’s 13 of them. With only 12 episodes, not all of them will fall in love with Ema? the heroine, but enough of them will, to make it as confusing as possible.

In this anime we meet the same kind of heroine as Amnesia, where the heroine doesn’t have much personality for herself. Or at least, the only noticeable personality traits of Ema is to love having a family which she will repeat at any given opportunity.

I really hated the guys in this anime for how egotistical they were as soon as they fall in love. Once again the heroine doesn’t crush on anyone, making them all forceful toward her.

Despite this, the heroine would somewhat express that she doesn’t want her relationship with them to turn romantic.

If anything the heroine’s main presence will be about how uncomfortable she is that her brothers try to seduce her.

But again, what matters the most is that they love her, not that she doesn’t return those feelings back and she even gets depressed over it :

A revelation is made about the heroine which will make her depressed about the whole situation, especially that her brothers fight over her.

But it won’t be used to develop her as a character or to make them aware of it. It’ll be used for a romantic moment with one of her love interest, who will kiss her even if he know how much it disturb her :

The heroine is kissed multiple times by attractive guys yes, but who she doesn’t love and explicitly rejects at the end of the anime.

And even if she gets kissed, the heroine is just worried about the situation of the family, not how herself is treated by them. She never says, “what about me? Why are you kissing me when all I want is for you to stop?” or anything similar. She cares about them more than she cares about herself.

And even though she’s supposedly uncomfortable by their behaviour, she doesn’t seem like that most of the time, just enthusiastic about having a family as usual.

At the end of the anime, a lot of people were upset that the heroine didn’t choose anyone. Why would she have to when we see how the guys act?

The behaviour of the boys

A thing that we can notice in all of this is that sometimes, the guys can be really awful to the heroine but as she doesn’t care about herself, she won’t hold any mistreatment toward her person against any of them. For example at the end of brothers conflict even when she reject one of the guys, “no” doesnt mean “no”.

But why are they authorized to be egoistic and possessive without any consequences? In brothers conflict, one of the guys even tries to rape her in her sleep and blame her for that :

But again despite this, I’ve never seen hate against this character, while, like it always happen, a lot of hatred is directed to Ema.

The guys are never hated for their actions because everything they do is depicted as being romantic (even if it definitely aren’t like the scene above) and it’s motivated by their love or their pain anyway.

“Love make them go crazy” because, after all, they can’t help it, they love the heroine so much that some accidents are bound to happen, like trying to undress her in her sleep or keeping her in a cage for her own good :

It’s just an accident! They can’t help it!

But sometime it can perfectly be a conscious choice but again, not shown as being cruel.

The last anime which has this tendency to not develop their main character at all was Diabolik Lovers, where Yui Komori gets stuck with 6 sadistic vampire who abuse her daily.

We enter in the kink theory here, and being masochist and finding the idea of bitten hot isn’t a problem. The problem is that in the story, Yui is blocked in this place and she obviously doesn’t enjoy to be the playthings of those men :

Each time she is bitten she expresses that she wants it to stop. But they don’t care. Because in Diabolik Lovers, Yui isn’t their love interest but their prey.

Again we have the same problem as the other heroines where she has no real personality beside caring about the boys above herself. In this case it’s even worse because the guys are predators who will hurt Yui without any second thoughts, but she acts like they are acquaintances . Despite all the abuse she goes through at their hands she goes to them to casually start a discussion which will always end up with her being abused :

The last time she interacted with him let’s see what happened :

Once again there’s a priorities on her interacting with the boys rather than making her behavior have any sense.

What is weird with this anime, in particular, is how much the heroine is blamed for not fighting back…while she can’t. They overpower her anyway.

But the guys aren’t hated for acting this way in the first place. Isn’t it odd? Yui is victim blamed and even if she suffers, we’re never shown the real impact that such daily abuse would have on her. She even worries about them at the littlest injury they can have :

While they’re the one hurting her :

Or if they ever care about her wound it’s because someone else did it to her and they feel entitled to her body, so they want to fight the other person :

Despite the statement that they’re equal, in anime such as these it’s not the case because the guys are given excuses for their bad behavior, while the heroine has to deal with it and put them above herself.

Still, they’re supposed to be equal so despite everything the heroine can end up to be liked… but in this context it is weird.

In the case of Yui who cares about her abuser no matter what, she gets praised for caring about the guys :

She cares about them without real explanation because all the interaction with her in the anime lead to abuse at some point. It can be the Stockholm Syndrome but it’s not depicted as anything else other than your usual heroine caring about the people around her, even if they abuse her.

As such, people tend to praise her for what she’s designed to do : putting them above her.

She even gets shipped with those who torment her and the self destructive attitude she has to help them no matter how much they hurt her is glorified.

If she is loved, if she matters, why should she be paired with those who hurt her the most?

They don’t lash out to her because they’re upset, it’s a behaviour that they consciously do like above with the cage. You can’t possibly “accidentally” put someone in a cage because you’re “protective”.

But at the end even if the heroine “matters as much as the boys” there’s a priority on them being healed by her rather than her own well being. Even if Yui gets traumatized, it doesn’t matter as much as the trauma of the guys and her neglecting herself for one of her abusers who won’t even care about her happiness, since all they want is to have her.

In the same way, it doesn’t matter that the heroine of Amnesia has been drugged and kept in a cage : Toma, the love interest, does it for her own good since she’s getting harassed and we have to be sad about how much he becomes insane for her sake. We shouldn’t worry how horrific the situation is for the heroine but try to understand him.

For Ema, we have to care about how much the guys have fallen for her and how much it puts a toll on them that she doesn’t reply to those feelings. It doesn’t matter that she shown no desire to be with any of them since the beginning, even when she finally rejects them, they can kiss her because they matter the most.

And in fandom space, her importance is still limited to her catering to the boys, and even if it’s supposed to be mutual love, they never care about her feelings to the point of respecting her.

It doesn’t matter what they do to her, she has to care for them despite anything. Those heroines are written as such, and the fandom accepts them this way too.

She doesn’t matter as much as they do, because if she was, her feelings would matter and she wouldn’t be written as being “caring” at the expense of herself.

You can say that since she’s the heroine, it’s normal that she cares about the boys, since the point of reverse harem is to have attractive boys first. And I would agree with that if it wasn’t so exaggerated.

Now not all reverse harems are written this way. There’s actually reverse harems where the heroine matters as much as the guys.

For example in Dance with Devils, Ritsuka, the heroine, constantly searches to know the truth which is hidden from her. It can seem foolish since it mostly puts her in danger though.

But to this, she also get rightly upset when one of the guys try to seduce her and something literally inexistent in reverse harem, she can even slap him for his misconduct! :

She can even get depressed about how manipulated she ends up to be. For this reason, she end up lashing out at one of the guys :

Her emotions matter and you have to remember that Dance with Devils was out around the same time than the second season of Diabolik Lovers :

The heroine of the anime above never had the right to be sad about their situation, their feelings weren’t pushed forward. They have no right to be sad or upset, just kind and caring and nothing else.

At the end of the anime, Ritsuka even received hate for the choice because it was about herself, not about her love interest.

Amnesia, Brothers Conflict and Diabolik Lovers heroine’s exist only to care for the boys while at least the ones of Dance with Devils exist to have the guys attracted to her but also to pursue her own goals.

As such, it’s a mistake to say that all the heroines matter as much as the boys because it can be factually wrong in the way they’ve been created.

I don’t like that the heroines are automatically hated for being the heroine, but I don’t think it’s fair to praise them just for this reasons either.

They all have been written with different level of writing and for differents purpose, one of them being only there for the guys and not the other way around.  For this reason, they should be judged differently, and people should accept that others will not like all of them.

Reverse Harem heroines are all different because the anime they are in have been done with different sake in mind. Reverse harem are like any other type of anime : with good and bad anime, good and bad protagonist.

And it would be better to accept this diversity than trying to frame all the heroine as the same.

Hopefully now the heroine’s tend to not be written that way anymore and tend to matter as much as the guys in the anime too.

#diabolik lovers #brothers conflict #amnesia memories #yui komori #ema hinata #heroine amnesia #Ritsuka tachibana #dance with devils

[thecreelhouse]

✿ masterlist ✿

(updated 7/31/21)

all previously answered prompt requests for both Steve or Robin can be found here!

series/multipart

Kill the Lights (completed!)

Steve Harrington x Lab Survivor!OC (Violet)

Summary: After Violet- formally 003, a telekinetic, electrokinetic, and clairvoyant 19 year old- loses her first family, her first love, nothing is the same. She finds herself taken in by Hopper and El, struggling to find her footing and meaning to keep fighting. The Party, especially Steve Harrington, try to show her where her strengths have been hiding all alone, and that no one has to fight their battles alone. Sometimes you don’t need to be rescued, but someone’s love and support while you rescue yourself sure doesn’t hurt.

Hard to Kill (completed!)

Steve Harrington x Assassin!OC (Sofia)

Summary: Two years have passed since the battle of Starcourt, and Steve’s paranoia is destroying him. Turns out, he was right to anticipate someone was still after him, but he never anticipated an unlikely bond to appear between him and the Russian assassin out for his blood. Typical enemies to lovers.

Sweet Spot - 1, 2 & 3

Steve Harrington x Cam Girl!OC (Lex)

Summary: modern AU where Robin tells Steve about cam girls, and he falls hard for a stranger on the internet. This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve written yet, sorry, not sorry. Smut, obviously. But it’s cute, too.

Feral Love (completed!)

Steve Harrington x Witch!Reader (gender neutral)

Summary: You come from a long line of witches in dark magic. You’ve never felt like you belonged, always feeling like you’d rather do good than evil with your magic. Another escape attempt leads your life’s path overlapping with Steve Harrington’s life, and things take a turn darker than you’d ever imagine.

Within the FL universe:

You Are Where I Belong

Steve Harrington x Witch!Reader (gender neutral)

Summary: A little glimpse into the life you’ve built in Hawkins, side by side with your soulmate, Steve, as the two of you get ready to celebrate Halloween. (Continuation of Feral Love, it’ll make more sense if you’ve read the series, however it should be fine to read on its own!)

Friday, I’m in Love - 1, 2, 3 (completed!)

Robin Buckley x Female Reader

Summary: Finally nearing the end of your eventful lives, you and Robin meet, whether by fate or coincidence, and the rest is virtual history. A San Junipero AU!

Beautiful Stranger / Cosmic Love / Gonna Keep This Love

(completed!)

Robin Buckley x Witch!OC (Olive Lane)

Summary: Olive Lane, a witch in training, leaves home and relocates to an unfamiliar town, a tradition among witches her age to start fresh. Blissfully unaware of the bizarre and gruesome history Hawkins, Indiana holds, she settles on the small town, and seemingly blends in to her surroundings to its citizens. Everyone, except Robin, who is highly bothered and paranoid by the new, mysterious stranger, and needs to know who and what this girl is all about.

—————————

one shots

Like Vines, We Intertwined

Steve Harrington x Reader

Summary: It started with an exchange of friendship bracelets, meant to last as long as the bond between you two: forever. Life has a finicky way of defining “forever”, though.

So, You Like Movies?

Steve Harrington x Reader

Summary: You’re a horror movie buff with a love for special effects makeup, and Steve is deep in a crush over you, despite him disliking horror movies. Maybe something can work out.

Taking My Time, Let The World Turn

Steve Harrington x Reader

Summary: Steve never expected to survive past 1985, yet life continued to surprise him, and for the better. Dad!Steve !!!

Wild Thing

Steve Harrington x OC (Rosie)

Summary: A meet ugly “I broke your nose in a mosh pit” AU

Take Care Of Yourself

Steve Harrington x Reader

Summary: you’ve been through enough shit to believe self care is building your walls high and keeping everyone out. The Universe has no problem challenging that, though. (The flower shop/soulmate AU nobody asked for.)

They/Them/Theirs

Steve Harrington x Non-Binary!Reader

Summary: Reader knows there’s something different with them, just can’t put a word on it. That’s not the only secret floating between them and Steve, though. Best friend to lovers nonsense (with NB representation!!)

All of You

Steve Harrington x Non-binary!Reader

Summary: just some cute comforting fluff about reader wanting to explore their gender expression and Steve being a supportive partner!! (follow up to they/them/theirs!)

Nowhere Feels Like Somewhere When I’m In Your Arms

Steve Harrington x Henderson!Reader

Summary: The fluffy naptime comfort fic that nobody asked for and then evolved into a long, emotional fic with a self indulgent ending. Oops.

Bad Behavior

Steve Harrington x Reader

Summary: The air conditioner finally breaks in the apartment you and Steve share, and it’s not just toying with the temperature. (AKA: “oH My GoD tHey WeRe RoOmMaTes !!!!11” nonsense and a whole lotta smut. Don’t like it, don’t read thx.)

Check Me-owt

Steve Harrington x Reader

Summary: you work at the new cafe in town, and Steve’s dying to talk to you, but there’s one thing holding him back from that: it’s a cat cafe, and he’s a nervous mess around cats. (AKA: the modern day coffee shop AU that nobody asked for)

Playin’ Hide and Seek With the Light

Steve Harrington x Reader

Summary: You’re coping with your demons in dangerous ways, but you’re coping. It’s something. You believed no one noticed until Steve confronts you. (AKA: another comfort fic nobody asked for)

Smarter Than You Think

Steve Harrington x Reader

Summary: Since the battle of Starcourt, Steve hasn’t been sleeping well, and when he does sleep, it’s just reoccuring nightmares of the traumatic night. Until one night, it changes completely, and suddenly he’s not reliving his personal hell, he’s reliving someone else’s. (AKA: another darker twist on a soulmate AU that nobody asked for)

Made To Brave The Pain

Steve Harrington x Reader

Summary: The monsters in your life have been human, forcing you into a quiet, isolated world, disconnected from reality to keep yourself safe. What happens when you discover not all monsters are human, though? What do you do when the path of your trauma crosses paths with someone else’s? (AKA: a super trauma comfort fic, bc I’m working out my own shit through writing lol.)

I Wanna Get Better

Steve Harrington x Reader

Summary: your mental and physical health issues are a struggle enough the way it is, and you never imagined locking down for safety in your own apartment would make it all worse. thankfully, your’re not in quarantine alone, and ride it out with your roommate/best friend, Steve Harrington. (AKA: self indulgent quarantine comfort fic that absolutely nobody asked for. modern!AU, obviously.)

Lonely For Her

Robin Buckley x Female Henderson!OC (Jade Henderson)

Summary: Robin and Jade hate each other, and can’t put aside their differences, even during the events at Starcourt while their lives are on the line. Murray is sick of their shit, and finally calls them out. Enemies to lovers nonsense

Flowers in the Concrete

Robin Buckley x Female Reader

Summary: feelings are stupid, quitting smoking is stupid, put the two into the same room, and you’ve got emotion overload, baby!! (Or: reader is hopelessly head over heels for her best friend, and can’t find a way to go about it gracefully.) Best friends to lovers nonsense.

Happy Little Accidents

Robin Buckley x Hazel (OC) x Steve Harrington

Summary: Hazel’s got it bad for not one best friend, but both of them. Avoiding both Steve and Robin until it goes away should work, right? … Right?? (the weird, emotional, fluffy poly one nobody asked for (strictly platonic between Steve & Robin, ofc.))

—————————————

+18 AO3 links

The Detour

Kurt Kunkle (Spree) x AFAB Reader

Summary: After meeting Kurt just days before he kicks off “The Lesson”, you run into him again, and try distracting him from the original plan.

Warnings/Tags: abduction, knife play, breath play, anal play, dirty talk, humiliation, light bondage, oral sex, teasing, spanking, mentions of murder, movie spoilers

The Brat

Sub!Steve x Dom(me)!Reader

Summary: You give Steve orders not to touch himself for a week, but what fun would that even be without disobeying you?

Warnings/Tags: PWP, Brat!Steve, Sub!Steve, Dom(me)!Reader, BDSM, bondage and discipline, femdom, oral sex, anal play, teasing, humiliation, dirty talk, spanking, vaginal sex, anal sex, aftercare

The Bitter and the Sweet

Vampire!Steve x Reader

Summary: Going home with someone after parties isn’t foreign to you, but going home with an attractive vampire sure is.

Warnings/Tags: PWP, porn with feelings, BDSM, dom/sub, bondage and discipline, rough sex, oral sex, wax play, spanking, sex toys, pain play, dirty talk, biting, vampires, vampire sex, vampire!Steve, aftercare, modern AU

After Hours

Steve Harrington x AFAB Reader

Summary: The truth between you and Steve finally comes out, about your feelings for one another... and the way he likes being called ‘daddy’.

Warnings/Tags: PWP, dirty talk, daddy kink, friends to lovers, vaginal fingering, gratuitous use of ‘baby girl’, cunnilingus

Sugary Sweet

Steve Harrington x AFAB Reader

Summary: Steve reminisces on his horrid Scoops Ahoy! uniform, no matter how much you insist it was cute on him. To convince him, you follow through on a dirty, filthy thought.

Warnings/Tags: latex fetish, daddy kink, spit kink, food play, heavy petting, dirty talk, light dom/sub, punishment, wet & messy

Sudden Desire

Steve Harrington x AFAB Reader

Summary: You’re convinced sex is meaningless when every partner you’ve been with can never make you finish. Your best friend, Steve Harrington, is up to the challenge of changing that.

Warnings/Tags: fluff and smut, friends to lovers, best friends, friends with benefits, bff banter throughout, gratuitous use of sweetheart, vaginal sex, oral sex, no use of y/n, light dirty talk

#my fics #am i missing any i dont think so? #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x oc #robin buckley x reader #robin buckley x oc #stranger things x oc #stranger things x reader #idk what else to tag this with???? OH #masterlist #duh lmfao okay i hope the links work this time good GOD #updated 7/15!!

[caffernnn]

For the ask game: HiyoIku with number 26, 28 and 38 and if you are okay Natsunao and number 4, 30 and 40

I might’ve had too much fun with this one <3 definitely don’t talk about them enough. Thanks for sending!!

HIYOIKU

26. How do their friends feel about their relationship? Their families?

It’s a bumpy road at first, but things seem to be working out. Hiyori and Ikuya had to iron out a lot of their shared issues and insecurities to be as strong as they are now, and it wasn’t always easy to watch. A lot of their university friends/teammates that they chose to get close were happy to see them look a lot happier and socialize more after they got together. After getting to reconnect with Ikuya and getting to know Hiyori, the Tokyo crew is crazy supportive of their emerging relationship. Being surrounded by people so invested in their individual wellbeing and happiness was jarring at first (Ikuya didn’t understand why they cared about him so much after all this time; Hiyori was shocked that he was seen as his own person and not an accessory to Ikuya), but their support came to mean everything to them. It helped a lot to have their support when Natsuya finally came back in town. Breaking the news to him felt like this looming blade because he was the one person they couldn’t imagine losing or disappointing, but of course he was fine with it — he already thought of Hiyori as family, and him and Nao secretly wondered about them for years, no strangers to “pining for your best friend” themselves. They’re happy to have such a strong support system on their side that accepts and loves them. 😌 (I’m not talking about their parents for the time being because they’re barely involved as it is and I wouldn’t have nice things to say about them OOPS)

28. What are their vacations like?

Ikuya doesn’t understand the point of a vacation if he can’t spend most of it relaxing or trying to catch up on sleep, so most of their trips are simple road trips or cozy staycations full of aimless cuddling and video games. Hiyori likes to plan out their road trips and surprise Ikuya with what they’ll be doing, because it’s a lot harder for him to weasel out of plans (and they both end up having lots of fun anyways, so it’s fine). Road trips are fun because they can just enjoy each other’s company, jam out to random playlists they’ve made together, and snack on weird snacks and leftovers they get from random convenience stores and restaurants along the way. One of their favorite trips ended with them stargazing outside of the city, Ikuya infodumping all of the fun facts about constellations and astronomy he’s looked into over the years, and Hiyori spending more time staring at his boyfriend than the sky.

38. What are they like in the bedroom? Any kinks/fetishes/turn-ons? Anything they won’t do?

Terrible sleepers at night but love to nap together. Shameless cuddlers. Ikuya refuses to share the blanket and Hiyori refuses to speak up about it ✋🏻😔

(Actual answer: they never thought they’d experiment all that much but now Ikuya calls Hiyori “princess” unironically and Ikuya somehow developed a degradation kink 🏃🏻‍♀️)

NATSUNAO

4. First impression of each other? Was it love at first sight?

Nao thought that Natsuya was an energetic spark of a person, running around the room and socializing like staying in one place for too long would make him burn out. Natsuya thought Nao was reserved and observant in an eerily calculated manner, as if he commanded a room by looking like he didn’t control it at all. Nao took Nat’s energy as amusing; Nat took Nao’s resolve as a challenge. It made for an interesting start to their friendship as they broke down each other’s walls.

30. Could they manage a long distance relationship?

They do pretty well with it, actually! It was hard when Nat first moved away, getting so used to being a constant in each other’s space. Even though they weren’t together yet, Nao was worried about his best friend forgetting about him. He didn’t think Nat would drop him out of malice or anything, but he was a bright light wherever he went, and Nao could easily see him making new friends and a comfortable new life for himself wherever he went. That’s just how he was: always moving, always adapting. However, they stayed in touch and remained strong. Natsuya did adjust in his new environment(s), and Nao was well-adjusted where he was, but they stayed in each other’s minds throughout it all — “I wonder what Nat’s up to right now? I wonder what Nao would think of this?”

They’ve had a lot of practice to figure out the long distance thing, navigating the shifts as their relationship evolved as well. Its hard sometimes, because as well-adjusted as they are to being physically apart, they miss each other. Nat has called Nao drunk more than once to lament about how he feels homesick or wants Nao to give up everything to travel with him, and it takes so much restrain sometimes for Nao to not give into the idea or beg Nat to just come home to him already. However, they know they’ll always come back to each other. Somehow, they’ll make it back to each other.

Honestly, it’s going to be hard for them if/when Natsuya decides he doesn’t want to keep living life on a whim and a plane ticket. Living together with Natsuya adjusting to the idea of “settling down” is going to drive Nao up a wall.

40. Any special memories? Do they have a special place they like to go to?

When Natsuya was in Tokyo for a few days, Nao took him to one of the big science museums. One of the things Nao loves about Natsuya is that even if his focus seems to bounce all over the place, he is endlessly curious and loves to learn. They both had fun walking around and looking at the different exhibitions, especially when they reach a section with work that some of Nao’s professors and colleagues contributed to. It was fun to learn, catch up, and wander together, but their favorite part was probably going into the planetarium/dome theater. Watching bright, overwhelming star structures be flashed all over the ceiling was mesmerizing, and they both were in a daze with the enormity of it all. Nat might’ve gotten flustered with how unabashedly entertained Nao looked, and Nao might’ve gotten flustered when Nat started kissing him breathless in the dark.

They both wear the matching museum shirts they got together when they’re far apart and missing each other. 💫

#perhaps I like the Kirishimas today #they deserve nice things #thanks for the fun questions anon!! #I forgot the kinks question was on the list of possibilities lmao #free! headcanons #natsunao #hiyoiku #ask games #anonymous #long post?

[relishredshoes]

Interview given to The Severus Snape and Hermione Granger Shipping Fan Group.  (sharing here Admin approved)

https://www.facebook.com/groups/199718373383293/

Hello Oracle Obscured and welcome to Behind the Quill, thank-you for letting us get to know you a little better.

Many readers will know you already and if they don’t I encourage them to look your works up including Teaching Miss Granger and How I learned to love teachers’ meetings

Okay, let’s jump right in.

What's the story behind your pen name?

Hmmm ... that’s kind of a weird answer for me. I wanted to choose a name that didn’t immediately indicate whether I was male or female. I’d noticed a certain freedom afforded to authors of indistinguishable gender. With no societal construct about the “nature” of the creator, the story stood on its own, without prejudice or conditioned expectations.

I brainstormed about six or seven names and then picked the one that appealed to me most. I’ve always felt drawn to the idea of oracles (those who see beyond). And I definitely felt obscured in that department. (Hell, at the time, my whole life felt obscured.)

Which Harry Potter character do you identify with the most?

I don’t know if I do. I guess if I had to pick, I’d say Hermione, as I have a tendency to be an obsessive perfectionist when it comes to work/studying. I like to be organized and plan things out. And I can be quite demanding and harsh with myself when I feel like I’m not measuring up to my own insane ideals.

But I took that openpsychometrics.org statistical quiz a while back, where you answer like a bazillion comparison questions (I did the longer version), and my highest HP match was Remus Lupin (83%). Yeah, I can see that.

Luna is my favorite character, but I don’t know if I identify with her more than anyone else.

Do you have a favourite genre to read? (not in fic, just in general)

It used to be horror/suspense, but ... I don’t know ... I’m just not as into it anymore. Maybe it’s because the real world is horrifying enough without adding fictional monsters to the mix.

Now I mostly read classics.

Do you have a favourite "classic" novel?

To Kill a Mockingbird.

At what age did you start writing?

Just writing stories in general? Maybe second grade. It wasn’t a passion or anything, just something I was pretty good at. I only really did it at school, though, not so much at home. I read A LOT growing up, so I naturally imagined that I might be an author one day. I tried to write a book when I was about 13 or 14, but less than one chapter in, I decided it was too hard. (I was NOT a Hermione growing up. Planning and perseverance were not my style.)

I took a massive break from thinking after high school (the smorgasbord of medications I was on didn’t like me using my brain too much, and my plans for college went out the window when my depression become unmanageable). I didn’t really start writing again until I was about twenty-seven. That was when I found fanfiction. I consider that when I really started writing.

How did you get into writing fanfiction?

I found fanfiction while looking for erotica. Needless to say I discovered the motherlode, and I was hooked. Over the years, I’d written bits and pieces of my own sexy scenarios (which is what you do when you grow up without the internet and you have to depend on your imagination for all your kink requirements), but I’d never really thought about taking someone else’s “story world” and using it as my setting. For a little over a year I read/devoured all the HP fanfiction I could, and then I realized I could take all the fantasies in my head and play them out with my favorite characters.

The first story I wrote was a funny/smutty Ginny/Draco thing, and it was HORRIBLE. The story and the sex were fine, but the writing was a nightmare. I submitted it to The Restricted Section, which was the only site I knew at the time, and they vetted their stories, so I had to get approved. They wrote me back saying it needed work and I should get a beta. So I went on the forum and found one (which was rather brave of me now that I think back). The person who helped me must’ve had the patience of a saint, because he/she(?) never said a damn thing about all the mistakes and shitty-ness. Suggestions and corrections were made, and I changed some of the pronouns to names so it wouldn’t sound so repetitive. The next time I submitted it, they accepted, and I got a decent response for a first-time writer (like three or four nice reviews). No one seemed to hate it, and the reviewers said the sex was hot, so I tried again, hoping to do better.

That’s when I wrote the first chapter of Teaching Miss Granger. It started out as just a oneshot. And it got a much better response. I wanted to write more, but I became extremely depressed and lethargic, and I didn’t really do anything for the next six or seven years. (I mean nothing. Unless you consider watching every episode of Law & Order CI and SVU ten times over to be an accomplishment.)

I came back to it years later, intending to add a few chapters to TMG where they have sex, but ... it just sort of evolved into the monster that it is. I worked on it pretty much every day for about a year. I’d never stuck with ANYTHING that long in my entire life.

What's the best theme you've ever come across in a fic? Is it a theme represented in your own works?

I would say love or “the power of love” is probably my favorite theme. But that includes synonyms for love as well. (Like wholeness, which is the theme of Quartet.)

What fandoms are you involved in other than Harry Potter?

None. I like other fandoms, but I don’t write for them, and I don’t usually read their fanfiction.

If you could make one change to canon, what would it be? Do you have a favourite piece of fanon?

I’ve never really thought about changing cannon. I mean, I change it to suit my fictional purposes (like Snape lives etc.), but I wouldn’t want to change canon for real. The deaths in HP serve a purpose, and while I find many of those deaths heartbreaking, that’s kind of the point. Hatred is bleak and destructive, and good people don’t survive wars simply because they’re good; bad things happen to good people all the time. As for changing something about the individual characters, I can’t get behind that either. The reasons people do things are multifaceted and complex and they’re colored by a lifetime of experiences I will never know or understand, so I don’t feel I can really judge. I can’t say I understand all the choices I’ve made in my own life, and there’ve been plenty of times where I had no choice at all. I can’t hold others to more rigorous standards than I myself can meet. We all have our shortcomings. (And that’s cool. Without them, there would be no growth or diversity.)

Do I have a favorite piece of fanon? Hmmm ... probably Head Boy and Head girl rooming together or having private rooms.

Oh! And uniforms.

Do you listen to music when you write or do you prefer quiet?

I used to listen to really quiet classical music while wearing headphones. Every little sound in the house distracts me, and I have to block it out. But lately I’ve just been running this old box fan that drowns out the noise.

What are your favourite fanfictions of all time?

Crap, I don’t know if I can choose. (Plus I feel like I’ve forgotten a lot of what I’ve read.)

My friend Desert Sea is my fav Hermione/Severus writer. Out of her stories, the ones I like best are In Their Hands and At the Headmaster’s Discretion.

After a brief search of my accounts, I’ll go with:

Do Not Go Gentle by senlinyu

Another Dream by dragoon811

The Last Twenty-Four Hours of Severus Snape by CryingCinderella

Pretty much everything by Aurette

Pet Project by Caeria

Post Tenebras, Lux by Loten

All the SS/HG stuff from snapeslittleblackbuttons

There’s a Teddy Radiator story that I like a lot, but I can’t remember the name of it. (Or what it’s about.) (Yes, very helpful, I know.)

And in a category all it’s own is Farmer Granger and the Most Glorious Cock by MyWitch. (Seriously, I read this like once a month and it makes me laugh every time.)

I read a lot of Drarry too. Drarry stories I love:

Everything by bixgrl1, but especially Balance Imperfect and In Evidence of Magical Theory

Everything by lq_traintracks (even the non-Drarry stuff). The writing is amazing.

I love all the advent stories by Saras_girl.

I like all the Drarry stories I’ve read by Faithwood.

I really like RZZMG’s writing. (No particular story or pairing.)

And I just rediscovered a story I found in 2007 (the first m/m fic I ever read). It’s a Snarry, which I know isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but it was excellent. Snape: the Home Fries Nazi by pir8fancier

Are you a plotter or a pantser? How does that affect your writing process?

I enjoy a bit of both. My oneshots are all pantsed. TMG was totally pantsed. But Getting Personal and Quartet were both plotted and planned. For GP I did sort of a chapter by chapter synopsis before starting my rough draft, and for Q I went into even more detail—EVERYTHING was planned out ahead of time. The only thing that changed during the first draft was I ended up combining some of the chapters.

How does plotting affect my writing process compared to pantsing? It streamlines it. In a oneshot there’s not much to streamline; the basic story (or general idea) is all you really need. There’s not enough story to get muddled. But when I’m writing something longer, with multiple chapters, I find it’s better to know where the story is going. How deeply I go into that planning can vary. Sometimes there’s just a basic outline of the major plot points and then I fly by the seat of my pants from there. Sometimes I write out a very rough synopsis (sort of like a short and loose first draft) and then start writing as if it’s my second draft. Things inevitably get changed once I really start writing, so the planning isn’t set in stone by any means, but when I plan, the story goes in the general direction I intend without veering too far off course and there aren’t any plot holes. After I wrote TMG (with no planning) I saw that there was A LOT I could have cut or combined without affecting anything important. I learned a little more with each story I wrote, and when I got to Q, there was a lot of complicated ideas that I wanted to incorporate, and there were so many characters (and character arcs) going on that I had to plan extensively to make sure everything fit together. If I hadn’t worked it out ahead of time, it would’ve been like throwing a heap of puzzle pieces on the table but not being given a reference picture to know what it was I was working toward.

What is your writing genre of choice?

I have no idea. Plotty sex? Erotic dramady? Some of it is just straight up PWP, but I usually like to have something meaningful in there too.

Which of your stories are you most proud of? Why?

Usually the answer is whatever I’ve most recently written, as it’s the most likely to represent my current “best.” In terms of writing, I’ll go with A Brush with Magic, but Quartet is probably my best storytelling. A lot went into that (symbolism, planning, obsessive re-writes) and it holds a good deal of personal meaning to me. So, I guess I’ll go with Q due to the time and effort involved.

Did it unfold as you imagined it or did you find the unexpected cropped up as you wrote? What did you learn from writing it?

The unexpected always crops up (even with all my planning), and it’s the unexpected that makes the magic.

While I had many insights into my own nature while writing Quartet, in the end I think it taught me to trust/listen to myself more.

Later, however, it brought me a very different message. While writing it, I felt a lot of tension and anxiety; I wanted to “do it right” and present my story in the best light. But after some time away, I realized I’d been so worried because I felt as if that story represented me, as if it defined me. And the pressure of being judged worthy or unworthy had been eating me alive.

But I don’t feel that way anymore. Now it’s like I wrote all my stories in another lifetime. While they all might be a snapshot of a fraction of my mind, nothing I create ever says a damn thing about who or what I truly am. Since letting go of that, I’ve found a sense of freedom around writing. I still like to express things as clearly and beautifully as I can, but it’s more a celebration of words than a search for acceptance.

How personal is the story to you, and do you think that made it harder or easier to write?

Quartet was extremely personal to me when I wrote it, and in a lot of ways I think that made it easier to write. When I have to go strictly by imagination, I feel as if I’m missing some depth of understanding (like I’m getting the surface-level stuff, but missing the nuance). When I write from experience, it has an entirely different quality. Richer. More intimate. It’s work to write what I don’t know, but it’s easy to write the truth.

Posting, however, is an entirely different story. Other people don’t always want the truth, and if you feel like your story is an extension of you, it can hurt to have any part of it rejected.

What books or authors have influenced you? How do you think that shows in your writing?

I think everything I’ve ever read or seen has influenced me. In terms of writing, I guess I’d say I’m inspired by beauty in all its forms. When I first started reading fanfiction, I just searched for the kinks I liked; it was all about the sex (with bonus points for having a decent plot). Then one day I read an extremely well-written PWP (I don’t remember what), and the way the author described the sex was so unlike anything I had ever read, it totally blew my mind. It was art. Exquisite art. And before that, I didn’t know sex could be art. That author didn’t just recount the characters’ actions, they painted a word masterpiece—they turned porn into poetry. THAT was what I wanted in my life. And I didn’t know it until that moment.

Books/authors that stick with me:

The Harry Potter series (obviously).

Shel Silverstein (Love the poetry, but The Giving Tree is one of my favorite books of all time.)

Dr. Seuss (Always.)

Judy Blume (I still have my copy of Are You There God it’s Me Margaret from when I was, like, 10. Tiger Eyes is my favorite of hers.)

R.L. Stine (I got hooked prior to the creation of the Goosebumps series, but I had EVERY Fear Street Book he wrote when I was in middle school.)

Weekend by Christopher Pike (This was the first YA thriller I ever read. *Sigh* memories. I still have my original copy, and I still read it every once in a while. The characters and plot are great.)

Stephen King (Carrie is my fav.)

Anne Rice (I’ve read all the vampire and witch books, but The Witching Hour is the only one I’ve read multiple times. Blackwood Farm is my next favorite.)

To Kill a Mockingbird

Charles Dickens (David Copperfield is my fav.)

Jane Austen (I can’t pick between Pride & Prejudice and Sense & Sensibility.)

Thomas Harris (Brilliant writing, and Hannibal might be one of the most intriguing anti-heros ever.)

Stieg Larsson (Another brilliant writer with a brilliant character.)

The Giver by Lois Lowry (I haven’t read the rest of the trilogy. And I haven’t seen the movie. I refuse to besmirch my childhood love with Hollywood’s interpretation.)

Bridge to Terabithia (This book devastated me as a child.)

Gillian Flynn (Sharp Objects is my fav.)

Liane Moriarty (I like all of her books, especially Big Little Lies. The way she plays with the timeline is masterful.)

Frank Herbert’s Dune. (I grew up on this. It’s my dad’s all-time favorite book. And, yes, we’re looking forward to the new movie.)

Margaret Atwood (The Handmaid’s Tale is horrifyingly wonderful. And Atwood herself is fascinating. Watch her Masterclass if you get the chance.)

Steinbeck’s East of Eden (This might be my second favorite book.)

The Lucifer Effect by Phillip Zimbardo (This isn’t fiction, but it was the first book that really affected the way I see the world.)

Eisler’s The Chalice and the Blade (Also not fiction. If you’re interested in the divine feminine and a more egalitarian society, this is the book for you.)

Loving What Is by Byron Katie (The only self-help book that’s ever actually helped me.)

Daphne Du Maurier (I love Rebecca, but she also has a story called “The Blue Lenses” that isn’t really intended to be scary, but it freaked me the fuck out.)

The Secret History by Donna Tartt (Gorgeous writing, and the plot left me seriously disturbed.)

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey (Gah! I love this. The writing and the story and the characters and EVERYTHING!)

Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury (I Bradbury’s writing style, but the plot of F451 is pure horror for any book hoarder lover.)

The Lord of the Flies by William Golding (This might be my third favorite book ever. No, wait, I might like it better than East of Eden. I can’t choose!)

The Diary of Anne Frank (How in the hell could anyone read this and not be affected by it?)

Do people in your everyday life know you write fanfiction?

No. This is my own private world, and I like it that way.

How true for you is the notion of "writing for yourself"?

Very. I write what I want to read. There are certain adjustments I make when I write for other people as opposed to what I do when writing strictly for myself, but nothing major. I refuse to write things I have no interest in, and I don’t write to make people happy. I write to please myself. (But it’s nice when what pleases me pleases others. It’s wonderful to share that connection.)

How important is it for you to interact with your audience? How do you engage with them? Just at the point of publishing? Through social media?

I like hearing from my readers. I don’t have a lot of time to interact, but I like talking to my audience and listening to their insights. I try to reply to all the comments I get on AO3 (it’s just too hard on FFN). And when I have free time (which isn’t often) I check my FB groups to see what’s going on. To me, the interaction kind of completes the creative cycle; it helps me set the story free and allow it to be. It really belongs to the reader once I’ve published, and it’s nice to see the ripples creativity creates.

What is the best advice you've received about writing?

Unless it’s absolutely necessary, stop using the word “was.” Completely changed my writing.

What do you do when you hit writer's block?

It doesn’t really happen that much, as I usually know where I’m going with my story, but there can be glitches between scenes or times when I can’t find the words for something (like ending a chapter). When that happens, I usually just leave it and come back later—I can’t force it if it won’t come.

If I really need to get it done for some reason, I read what I have over and over, adding a little bit more each time, trying out words that “sound right” and building what I need bit by bit. What I come up with isn’t always right or what I want, but at least I have something to work with. Sometimes seeing what’s wrong makes what you want more obvious.

Has anything in real life trickled down into your writing?

Yeah, just about everything Sex, depression, anxiety, personal growth, likes/dislikes, insights, interests, philosophy, all my little neuroses. Every once in a while I’ll even include some dialogue from real life.

Do you have any stories in the works? Can you give us a teaser?

I’m juggling about five long stories right now (plus a couple oneshots). And I haven’t worked on any of them in ages. I don’t know what’s going on with me; I’m just not in the mood. I don’t want to say what they are, as I might never finish them. (Two are Drarry and three are Sevmione. One is a compilation of oneshots. Four of them are completely planned out and just need to be written. The unplanned Drarry was always just meant to be for myself and I doubt I’ll ever release it.)

Any words of encouragement to other writers?

Yes. Enjoy the whole writing/creative process as much as possible. Try not to beat yourself up, and don’t try to force yourself to be better. You will naturally get better the more you write. Change is inevitable; allow it to happen. Read books about writing, and read good writers. Notice what brings you the most pleasure when you read and tap into that same pleasure when you write. Play with words and ideas just for fun. Watch and see what appears. There is no perfect.

If you’re writing about sex (because I get asked about that a lot), write what turns YOU on. Don’t try to be sexy. Don’t try to write what you think other people want to hear. Don’t worry about what other people think (at least in the first draft). If they don’t like it they can go read something else. But if YOU like it, it will shine through in your writing, and that will have a bigger impact on your reader than any activity you describe. Also, the physicality is only a fraction of the sexual experience. Don’t turn your sex scenes into a play-by-play. You’re not really writing about what the characters are doing so much as how what they’re doing affects them. It’s a personal experience, and the more personal you make it (the more honest and vulnerable you are as a writer) the more satisfying the story will be for your reader. Wise words! Thank-you so much for speaking with us today Oracle Obscured.

#snamione #writing #fanfiction #fanfic

[simptasia]

Fo the ship ask meme - Charladay + 2, 4, 23, 27, 36, 38, 39

thank you!! :D

How’s their team work? Do they share well?

oh excellent teamwork, very good, dan takes instructions very well [snort]

and yeah sure why not

First impression of each other? Was it love at first sight?

well, no, not ~love~ at first sight but they defo both looked at each other for a prolonged amount of time. both finding themselves curious, strangely fascinated. one of charlotte’s thoughts was that he looks... sad and little lost

and dan’s thoughts were, less words, more !!!, oh and some “is,,, is she looking at me?” [looks around to check] “???”

How do they hug? Kiss? Tease? Flirt? Comfort?

hug: tight, sometimes they hug in manner like they think they won’t get another hug. also dan is more Hands than man, really

kiss: soft soft pet pet WHOA PASSION HELLO CHARLOTTE. dan holds char’s face with his hands when he kisses and it’s soft sweet kisses and char will often be the one to make ‘em deeper. pull dan real close to her, maybe pin him to something. depends on the mood~ like, not always, char isn’t always ravenous jhajhsa she does do gentle and romantic too,, im just. talking o///o

tease: char’s teasing is more the cheeky playful “yeah i have the power to suddenly turn you on and im gonna use it” variety. hand on the thigh. whispers in the ear. footsie. asking him to join her in the shower in a sultry voice. hm, maybe im not so great at teasing because this is outright seduction ahudsajh

as for dan, mayhaps he takes his time savouring char’s body. maybe a frustrated whine from char inspires him to draw out the touches and caresses even longer until she’s panting and Strongly Insisting he stop teasing her :)))

don’t underestimate dan, he’ll surprise ya

flirt: i imagine char is quite flirtatious given the right context and motivation. having a boyfriend who blushes so easily and prettily is pretty good motivation. she’s makes it clear what she wants, she’s a pretty proactive person. meanwhile dan is less likely to flirt, he’s more of a “i worship at the temple of you” kinda guy. full of adoring looks and of course he’s tendency towards petting

comfort: oh hey you brought this up in a recent thing u reblogged; dan is a “hey hey whoa” kinda person. gentle words, hand on the shoulder. saying things are gonna be okay. and char, she leans towards words of affirmation. support and encouragement, like hey, you can do this, i believe in you. dan and char have repeatedly comforted each other in canon so that helps

Do they have kids? Grow old together? Split up?

yes, yes, fuck no

4 kids to be exact. penny, ada, marie and isaac. bunch of creative and intellectual geniuses, the lot of ‘em (”will you two keep your hands off each other already? you keep making nerds” miles says after marie shows him her book of haikus at the age of fucking five)

grow old, well they COULD move on at any time but it’s MY indulgent OTP fantasy and i’m driving the bus, damn it. and on that note, they’d never split up, they were already torn apart by death, they are never letting go of each other. heck, when dan and char first hugged after they remember, dan held her for a reaaally long time and started crying. no, they’d never split up

What’s their greatest strength as a couple? Their weakness?

i think they compliment each other very well. they’re very different in temperament but not so different that it’s annoying. they also have so much respect for each other. and they can listen to each other talk for hoooours

weakness... well maybe if you two were open about ur feelings sooner, you could have gotten a little kissy, eh? sigh their weakness is bad timing. like on their own they have their own issues, but together their relationship would be strong... feels good, feels organic

What are they like in the bedroom? Any kinks/fetishes/turn-ons? Anything they won’t do?

in a word? fantastic. in two words? noise complaints. char is LOUD

but yeah what they’re like, well im gonna have to use that word i love so much, passionate. they’re real passionate. love making, fucking, what have you. char,,, well, char isn’t what you’d call subtle, and dan is overwhelmed and reverent, touching her and looking at her with a downright sense of awe. oh and naturally char is way more prone to using her words than dan, even if once things get really going it’s less structured sentences and more horny babbling

[nature docu narrator voice] the daniel faraday is a submissive creature and spends 90% of his sexual experiences underneath his lover

needless to say, char is the more dominant lover. girl’s gotta have strong thighs because she is gonna be on top a loooot. this is Ideal for both of ‘em

i could go on but basically These Nerds Fuck Each Other Like Champions

now kinks, etc:

char = she’s dominant in bed overall but she’s into it more than just that; being a dom is nice hobby she has. she’s got a chest at the end of the bed for her toys and other sexy tools. she loves control, and well, dan will do Anything she says (to the point where she had to stop and have a serious talk with him letting him know, hey i don’t wanna actually make you do anything you don’t wanna do, if you don’t like something, you have to tell me). and yeah basically a lot of kinks assoicated with that sort of behaviour. causing pain, being worshipped, edging, overstim, pegging, tying her lover up, etc and so forth. also dirty talk, lots and lots of dirty talk

dan = i started off having dan really like char’s hair and thats evolved into a fetish over time. he’s not Weird about it, but he Really likes it. being told what to do, specifically charlotte telling him what to do. and if i haven’t make it clear already that he’s worshipful of her, well,,,, can a person be a fetish? cuz at this point dan has a Charlotte Fetish dajkdsakjds. he’s not really a kinky person but char makes him feel lotsa confusing new things. oh and i’ve given him this thing i call pressure kink, basically sexual enjoyment of having physical pressure on you. like somebody laying their full weight on you. or a hug that would be way too tight by socially acceptable standards. or the classic, being tied up

besides their own turn ons, they’re also willing to experiment. char is kinky and dan is relatively vanilla but will try new things. he’s learnt so much from her (and miles), like most of the stuff they’re into, he hadn’t even heard of before

what won’t they do:

okay out of the way, eliminate that Really Gross Thing. you know. if you don’t, well i’m not writing it while dan and char are in my head, so moving on

as much as char is into it, dan draws a hard line at being in pain. when he saw how much char and miles like to do that sort of stuff with each other, he started to feel worried because he really doesn’t wanna be hurt. but char is like, ya know, a good person so she respects that and won’t hurt her sweet boy

also for the love of fuck, don’t pull on daniel’s hair. i know that can filed under Don’t Hurt Him but i’m putting special emphasis on it because he’s autistic and he will cry and in a bad way. it’s a guaranteed way to make his dick peace out

as for char, besides what i mentioned up top, there isn’t much char won’t do or at least isn’t willing to try out at least once. oh and while she will hurt, she’s not gonna like... mutilate. ugh

also one time char was on her period and they got intimate, and dan, being inclined to use his mouth down there, Licked A Drop. not out of his own desire to do so, he just thought it was the right thing to do. and char was equals ways stunned, horrified and disgusted. (and miles straight up had a freak out, calling dan a sick fuck, etc. dan was like ???) so yeah, thats a no go for her. period sex? yes. but keep your damn mouth away from there, thats icky

Who initiated the relationship? Who kissed who first?  When did they realize they were in love?

i think char’s the one who’s gonna ask dan out first. and kiss him first (limbo char is making up for lost fucking time, my dude)

oh sometime on the boat, for sure. i think dan was in love with char after knowing her a week. char i’d give her 1 or 2 more weeks on top of that. they both decided to keep it to themselves out of a mix of insecurity and guilt

thank you for your time!

#lost headcanons #theres some pretty riske stuff in here #i don't u don't mind #i think about these two Like That a lot #annnyways #forgive the lateness of my reply #i'd forget the message was there and then when i'd see it i'd be wearily like ''ugh not now'' #been sleeping a lot #milesdanielcharlotte

[angels-heap]

Time for today’s episode of “K (Possibly) Expresses an Unpopular Opinion Because She Genuinely Does Not Understand a Thing:”

Can someone please explain to me, without calling me a slur, accusing me of predatory behavior, or telling me to go fuck myself, why it’s seen as weird not to have a DNI list on your blog? I know why people think it’s weird not to have a carrd and I'm not changing my stance that the internet is not entitled to know all of my identifiable personal info and the details of my medical conditions, but I’ve seen a post several times today saying that people without DNIs, specifically, are “scary" and I am confused. 

[Don’t reblog this.]

I always thought DNI banners/lists evolved because certain kinds of blogs (aesthetic, stim, etc.) were uncomfortable with kink/fetish/otherwise creepy or potentially triggering blogs interacting with their content, and those banners were generally an effective deterrent. Not sure when that morphed into “every user of this website should have a list of groups they don’t want interacting with them or it’s weird,” or how effective those DNI lists actually are (especially seeing as most of them are virtually identical). I mean, I do my best to abide by other people’s DNIs (when I can access them; mobile tumblr is a whole other issue), but I feel like actual creeps and bigots either aren’t going to look or aren’t going to care? 

I don’t have a DNI because I don’t expect sketchy people to voluntarily weed themselves out. I have a public blog on the internet; part of the internet experience is knowing that you’ll occasionally cross paths with creeps, and having a way to deal with that. When someone follows me, I usually skim over their blog to make sure they’re not obviously a terrible person, and if they are, I’ll block them. If I find out that they’re terrible later, I’ll also block them. Easy peasy. My lack of a DNI doesn’t seem to have attracted a disproportionate number of sketchy followers. 

In the HL fandom, most of the trash takes itself out when you post anything about Freemance, and I really have better things to do than worry myself to death over whether a new follower likes a “problematic” piece of media or reblogged from a recently outed predator in way back in 2012, or whatever. If not obsessively trying to police people and content on tumblr dot com makes me “scary,” then I guess I’m scary. 

Seriously though, thoughts on this are welcome. If there’s something I’m missing, show me the light. 

#K talks #this got a bit rambley but the question still stands #here's hoping I'm not made to regret asking this later #don't reblog

[hotwifeexplained]

Hotwife Explained

Ladies: has your boyfriend, fiance, or husband ever talked dirty to you about flirting with other men?

Has he teased you about getting sex from other guys?

Has he told you that he likes the thought of you being with another man?

Does he ask you about your sex life with old boyfriends?

If so, it might be that your husband is a cuckold.

In this article, we’re going to give you a quick introduction to what that means, what you can do about it… and why you might enjoy it more than you think.

If this is all new to you, don’t worry. We’ll break down your husband or boyfriend’s kink, give it a little context, and help you try to make sense of what he’s asking of you.

Many women hear this request, with no warning, and have one of two responses.

You get suspicious. There’s no way you heard him right. He wants me to sleep with other guys while he stays committed? Uh-uh. There’s got to be a catch.

You get upset. Sleep with other guys? Are you out of your mind? I’m not a slut. What you’re asking is disgusting. I’m not like that.

These are perfectly understandable reactions. After all, you couldn’t imagine yourself wanting to see him with another girl, right? So how could he expect it from you, with no strings attached? It’s too good to be true, right?

When your man tells you his secret fantasy, there’s some things that you need to know about the male sex drive.

The first thing: Take a breath and relax

If he’s mentioned this kinky fantasy to you, or if you suspect he’s angling for it, it’s not the end of the world.

Here’s what he’s not trying to do:

He’s not looking to have an affair for himself.

He doesn’t want a “hall pass” to get with another girl.

He’s definitely not trying to break up your relationship.

You might think it’s a weird fantasy to have or even find it a disgusting turn off.

Whatever your own response, you can rest assured that he’s being 100% serious.

He wants exactly what he tells you he wants. He gets off imagining you hooking up with other men.

There are reasons for this cuckolding fantasy, which we don’t need to get into here. Some people think that evolution programmed men to find sexual enjoyment in promiscuous women.

Others think it’s a psychological defense mechanism to guard against cheating, or a learned response to past unfaithful girlfriends. Her cheating can’t hurt you if you’re getting off on it, right?

However you shake it out, a lot of men find sexual pleasures in the idea of their wives and girlfriends being sexual with other men. We’re talking well over half of men who would be “down” for their special lady getting frisky if the circumstances were right.

Which means that he’s not looking to bail on you with another girl.

He doesn’t find you unsatisfying.

If anything it’s just the opposite: he’s so into you that he’s deriving his sexual pleasure from you and you alone.

In his mind, he’s adoring you. He’s putting your pleasure above his own.

The female mind doesn’t work this way with sex.

Women are more prone to get with one guy and commit everything to him.

Her physical desire is much more strongly connected to her feelings for the person, compared to men.

Which means, when he tells you that he wants you to sleep around, it’s like showing a stop sign to a color blind person.

You don’t experience sexual attraction this way, so you just don’t get it.

No wonder you’re suspicious or angry or both.

Meanwhile, your cuckold husband believes he’s allowing you the ultimate sexual gift — the freedom to have sex with any man you desire.

You might wonder what he gets out of the deal. That depends.

What kind of cuck is he? The difference between swingers, hotwives, and cuckolds

There are different versions of the wife sharing fantasy. You can read more about that here: What’s the difference between a swinger, a cuckold, and a stag husband?

Until recently most people knew this as swinging or an open marriage.

Swingers swap spouses with other couples.

Open marriages give each partner a free pass for casual sex with others.

Cuckolding is different. Only the wife or girlfriend has sex outside of the relationship, while the husband or boyfriend stays monogamous.

And this is his idea.

As bizarre as it sounds, far more men are into this than women.

Within cuckolding you have several different types of fantasy.

The traditional cuckold is a man whose wife is unfaithful to him while he’s unaware of it.

There’s still an element of this going on in cuckold relationships where the female motive is dominant. She takes control as the dominant partner and gets with other men while her husband is reluctant, hesitant, or (more likely) a submissive partner.

This can get weird because the dynamic doesn’t always work. Instead what usually happens is that the cuck husband imagines this playing out, even though his wife is shy, reluctant, submissive or conservative.

You’ve got two people who are sexually submissive to each other.

This may be one of the major drivers of the cuckold fantasy. The wannabe-cuck wishes she would be more sexual for any reason, even if that means hooking up with other guys.

The cuckold craves the humiliation, the angst, and the submissive role. He wants his wife, and maybe her lover (called a bull), to take charge, boss him around, and treat him like dirt. Small penis fantasies and male chastity are part of this.

A lot of what you find however are couples who approach cuckolding as equal partners.

In this case, the unfaithful wife is called a hotwife. Hotwives date with their husband’s enthusiastic consent and limited participation.

If cuckolding is motivated by the woman, the hotwife fantasy is motivated by masculine energy.

A cuckold’s wife (called a cuckoldress) also dates with her husband’s knowledge and permission, but the dynamic is different for hotwife couples.

The hotwife’s husband — we can call him a stag for short — experiences sexual pleasure in knowing that his wife has sex with other men.

He’s not interested in the angst and humiliation. He’s there to watch hot sex with the woman he loves most.

He wants his wife to be his real-life porn star.

We can talk about stag and vixen relationships to distinguish this hotwife dynamic from plain cuckolding.

You can think of cuckolding in all forms as a kind of BDSM play.

Domination by your wife, and the ‘hurts so good’ thrill and pain of a cheating partner makes for a healthy brew of Dom/sub and Masochist energy.

Not only that, there’s a lot of crossover with other themes, such as denial of penetration, orgasm denial, full male chastity, and even extreme humiliation like “clean up” duty or being tied up in bondage to watch her have sex.

Men: if this describes you and your female partner isn’t on board, you’d be well advised to stay well away from these extremes before she’s had time to warm up to the ideas.

The extremes can be a big turn off, especially if it’s your first trip to this pool.

Chances are your husband hasn’t gone this far into it, though.

Porn aside, most guys who show signs of cuckold and hotwife curiosity aren’t really into that level of hardcore play.

If your hubby is like most, he’s getting his rocks off imagining you getting down and dirty with another guy, while he’s watching and jerking off — and that’s all he’s into.

The fantasy itself is enough of an earthquake shock to most monogamous partners.

Sex is a big deal in a marriage. Getting it from another partner besides your husband is a big ask.

Save the wild stuff until you’ve made the easy case.

One last thing: The words don’t matter so much.

We use the word “cuckolding” for all this kinky ladies-only sex.

We might be talking about a hotwife or a cuckold or even swingers.

If you want to find out what he’s really into, you’ll have to ask him.

Talk to your husband to get a feel for what he’s down for…

And what you might be comfortable or not so comfortable with.

So your husband is a cuckold. What now?

Many women first hear all about this fantasy and, pardon our Francais, they lose their shit.

How could he? Doesn’t he love me? Aren’t I good enough? I bet he just wants to get with another girl and this is his way out!

The thoughts start racing and a serious conversation becomes impossible.

You must understand one vital thing: Sex is Weird.

What gets people off isn’t what the romance movies and cheesy sitcoms told you.

Everybody’s into weird stuff.

If you stop and think about it, though, it’s not that weird… and it might even be more loving, selfless, and even romantic than you realize.

He wants to watch you.

It might help if you think of his cuckold fantasy as the mirror image of a voyeurism kink.

Many women admit to a thrill from being watched during sex.

Some women go so far as to fantasize about their husbands watching them get fucked by another guy. (Needless to say these women are ideal cuckoldress and hotwife partners for men with this fantasy.)

The male counterpart is called candaulism. You can think of candaulism as the mirror image of the voyeuristic woman.

She wants to be watched and he gets off watching her.

A wife can take comfort knowing that her man is not only loyal to her, he’s not even straying to watch porn. He wants to see your body in action, because he loves you and that’s what brings him pleasure.

Men have evolved to enjoy cheating and sharing.

You may not realize this since so much of the media portrays men as stoic, macho, jealous types who could never think of letting another man touch their special lady.

The truth is that cuckold fantasies, wife-sharing fantasies and hotwifing fantasies are consistently ranked among the top male sexual fantasies.

When neuroscientists Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam analyzed the contents of a billion online search terms as research for their 2012 book A Billion Wicked Thoughts, they discovered that “cuckold porn” is second only to “youth” in heterosexual porn searches.

Think what you will but a whole lot of men are at least cuckold-curious even if they can’t admit it in good company.

Sure, he say it’s a “threesome” he wants, but that doesn’t always mean he wants to have two girls at once.

And, ladies, you should know that a good number of guys are thinking about bringing another swinging dick in the room for your pleasure when they bring up the T-word.

Plenty of men find the idea of you enjoying sex with another man an arresting and almost explosive erotic experience.

Especially as men get a little older and the lustful years of the horny teenager leave them behind, the idea of sexually satisfying even one woman can become daunting. Pleasing two women sounds more like work than fun.

That threesome he’s after might be MFM rather than FFM.

He loves you so much that he wants you to experience sex even without him.

If you look at it this way, it’s hard to see the cuckold’s desire as anything less than romantic. He’s in love with you, taking pleasure in your body… he’d rather think about you in action than watch porn.

That’s a hell of a complement, ladies. You’d be so lucky to have a man that loyal to you.

You’re in a relationship with a man who has an unorthodox, but not all that weird, sexual kink… which, unlike many kinks, works entirely in your favor as an attached woman.

If you think that’s an exaggeration, ask your self which scenario you’d prefer?

(A) The option to be ravished by that handsome stud you saw at the gym, with no risk to yourself, no strings, and a loving relationships at home?

(B) The usual bro-fantasy of sharing him with another girl in the typical FFM threesome?

That’s what we thought.

No need to be shy about it. You’re in good company.

Female sexuality also responds to multiple male partners.

The Twilight series, the books and the movies, didn’t get so popular with women by accident.

It turns out that women and men get physically excited and mentally aroused when multiple men desire one woman.

We’re natural-born cuckold fetishists.

For most couples the revelation of a cuckold fantasy doesn’t have to change anything.

This doesn’t mean you have to head out to the nearest pick-up bar and go home with the first guy who buys you a drink.

Please don’t do that.

You need to move slowly, patiently, with lots of conversations about what you want and don’t want, and above all, you need to vet your stunt-cocks.

Porn and erotica (including ours) will show you whirlwind affairs that begin on a whim, never use a condom, and have no consequences.

That’s because this is a fucking hot fantasy and we’d all love it if sex happened this way.

In the real world, you need to be more prudent.

Your cuckold man might be just fine with foreplay pillow-talk and teasing him about flirting with other guys while you give him a slow handjob.

Remember: many fantasies are best left as fantasies. Just because he enjoys the idea doesn’t mean he would really want you to spread your legs for a stranger.

What if we want to play with his cuckolding fantasy?

The first step is always to relax.

Your husband is a cuckold. So what?

It’s not the end of your relationship, and if you’re willing to listen to his needs and communicate your own, you can find a lot of positives for both of you.

If you approach it with an open mind.

That’s the next first step for all of these cases.

If you shut him down…

If you get grumpy or offended…

If you moralize his fantasy…

If you try to explain why he has these feelings instead of listening…

You’re going to cause friction.

The remedy is communication and honesty. Communicate with your husband or boyfriend and try to understand where he’s coming from and what he’s really after.

And you know what else? Ask yourself if you’re really turned off by it… or if you’re saying what you think you’re supposed to say.

There’s a lot of research into female sexual desire which suggests women are far more responsive to promiscuous sex with lots of different men.

Your womanly sexual desire might be stoked by a verboten affair more than you can admit even to yourself.

Again, it comes down to communication, honesty, and trust. If you’re not comfortable expressing what YOU want, neither of you will find satisfaction.

But that’s true for any part of sex.

The main thing?

Have fun with it. It’s sex, with the person closest to you in the world. You’re meant to enjoy it.

Here’s what you can do next.

Move slow. It’s hard to do this when lust is the principle motivator. The thing is, in his mind he’s probably bottled this up for a long time, so he’s going to be aching. Just remember: once you’ve had sex with another man, you can’t un-fuck him. Make sure you’re both okay before you move outside of fantasy-land.

Talk to him. Communication is key, and so many couples never tell each other what they want. If you’re tempted to put your foot down and never talk, then you’re doing far more damage to your relationship than his sexual kink.

Respect his desires and your own boundaries. If you aren’t comfortable with something, then don’t go for it. You’re listening to him, so make sure that you tell him what YOU are and aren’t okay with.

Privacy and safety must come first. Any time you involve another person, you are sharing your most intimate life with them. That can be fun and exciting. It can also have down sides. Take precautions when finding and meeting other men.

One simple, fun, and no-risk way to start out with cuckolding and stag-vixen fantasies is with role play and sex toys.

Get a life-like dildo which is slightly bigger than your husband’s penis and taunt him with it.

Give it a name, like “Diego”.

Tell him you’re fucking Diego tonight, so he has to watch and jerk off.

Tease him about going out to fuck another guy if you go out for after-work drinks.

If you’re ready to step it up a notch, then flirt with other men in public.

Make a date for the two of you in a public space like a bar.

Wear sexy clothes, like a sundress with no panties.

Come on to guys openly, right in front of him.

It’s a good test-run without committing to anything serious. If he can’t handle this part, then he’s not going to handle his wife having sex with someone else.

Cuckolding and Hotwifing FAQ

What is cuckolding?

A form of open relationship defined by consensual female non-monogamy and male monogamy.

The wife gets sex outside of the relationship while the husband stays loyal.

What is hotwifing?

A variation of the cuckold relationship that involves more active participation of the husband in his wife’s exploits.

The term “hotwife” usually distinguishes this kind of play from a cuckold relationship that centers on the husband’s inadequacy and his desire for submission and humiliation.

Hotwife relationships focus more on the sex than the humiliated husband.

Isn’t “wife sharing” a sexist idea?

It could be taken that way.

We believe it’s better to understand the phrase more like sharing water, sharing a home… or sharing a bed… than sharing a piece of property that you own.

Wife sharing is sharing female sexuality in a spirit of pleasure and generosity.

What do couples get out of cuckold & hotwife relationships?

Couples in this lifestyle, or interested in it, find it both intensely erotic and intimate.

It’s not for everyone, but those men and women who do find it arousing enjoy unrivaled sexual enjoyment from her sexual infidelity.

What are the drawbacks of cuckold relationships?

The same as you’d expect from any “cheating” situation.

There’s the possible emotional pain of jealousy, shame, guilt, and fear that she’ll leave with another lover for good.

There’s the physical risk, of pregnancy and STDs, and even potential threats to safety and privacy.

You’re inviting a man you may not know well into your most intimate world… and it goes without saying that employers and the local Bible group may think dimly of your escapades should they come out.

What about stag and vixen couples?

Stag and vixen refer to a cuckolded male — the ‘horns’ of the cuckold — and his cheating wife.

These usually refer to a hotwife and her husband, being easier to say than “hotwife” and “husband of a hotwife”.

How is cuckolding different from swinging?

Swinging used to be called “wife swapping” before the sexist implications of swapping wives became generally frowned on.

Unlike cuckolding and hotwife relationships, swinging involves mutual sharing of both sexual partners between two or more couples.

Swingers allow the men to have sex as well.

Cuckolds & hotwives keep the husband monogamous, either by choice (hotwives) or by submission (cuckolds).

[twokinkybeans]

Jar Of Dirt 15: The Kink [Starker Fanfiction NFSW/18+]

Kink/Sexual Warnings: Puppy Play, Daddy Kink, Praise Kink, Name-Calling, Humiliation, Feminization, Sex Toy/Buttplug, Anal Sex, Collar, Leash, Voice Kink. Other Warnings: NoneSee the notes at the end for more info regarding our spin-offs!!!

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Chapter 15: The Kink Peter has no idea why, but whenever he hangs with MJ, their conversations always end up steering towards topics that should probably not be discussed in a public place such as the coffee shop they always go to. Yet, here they are again, sipping their lattés, talking sex. “So, you know a lot about me at this point- probably too much,” Peter laughs, lowering his voice. “-But I don’t know much about you.” The corners of MJ’s mouth curl up into a smile. “That is correct,” she replies with a snort. She puts a spoonful of cream in her mouth and sucks on it for a second before taking it out to point at Peter with it. “Any guesses?” “Wha- as in, what you’re into?” Peter realizes his voice had raised in volume again, so he ducks his head. “Yeah, man. Can you read me?” MJ smirks and Peter shakes his head, slowly turning the coffee glass between his hands. “Spider powers, Em. Not kink-guessing powers. “Huh,” MJ scoffs as she leans back in her seat. “Not as great as everyone says you are.” Peter tosses his still wrapped up coffee cookie at her. “Meanie!” he exclaims quietly.

“Alright, alright,” she laughs. “I’m a switch.” MJ leans forward and rests her head in her hand, leaning her elbow on the table. Her cheek gets squished slightly. “Though, I lean towards domming more. I ride the guys I fuck, and I peg the girls. Simple as that.” Peter turns beet red. “Okay,” he squeaks quietly. He can’t help but imagine MJ naked, doing the exact things she just casually explained, as if there are not at least twenty other people in this coffee shop trying to enjoy their caffeine with an overly sweet treat. MJ grins, knowing exactly how flustered Peter gets with stuff like this, and she’s quietly enjoying it. They established a while back that they can be honest with each other, so as long as Peter doesn’t tell her to change the subject, she won’t. “If we talk kinks, however…” She leans further forward, as if she’s about to spill a big secret. Peter, unaware of his own actions, leans in slightly as well, staring intently at her. The hand she just rested her cheek in gently caresses her jawline and slowly moves down until her fingers curl around her throat. “I like being choked.” Peter stares at her in disbelief. “You like-?” He points at his own neck. MJ nods simply and takes another sip from her coffee, her hand still rests around her throat and Peter’s mouth goes a little dry when she squeezes slightly. He tears his eyes away from her neck and takes another sip from his coffee. “Yep. I like the thrill it gives me. The lack of oxygen makes me lightheaded, which adds to the pleasure.”

Peter let’s MJ’s words sink in for a second. The thought of being choked makes his Spider senses flare up inside his brain, just like it did when he thought about the hot wax falling on his body when Tony and Peter tried the temperature play. Not good. He’s still unsure why he does like being spanked, even though his Spider sense would prevent him from getting hit like that, but he settles on the statement that brains and bodies are just… Weird. “I don’t think I’m into that…” he mumbles as he looks away. MJ stifles a laugh. “You’re into a lot of other kinky stuff, Pete, you don’t have to like everything .” “I know, I know-” Peter smiles, but it falters as he raises his hand to touch his neck. He remembers all the times Tony’s fingers had curled around his throat. How they caressed him and squeezed slightly, not blocking his airpipe, but still applying a sweet yet stern kind of pressure. Possessive. He bites his cheek when he thinks back to a specific memory with Tony. The bow tie. Peter loved it. Loved how Tony tugged at it to pull him closer. Loved the rush of arousal it gave him.

“Pete?” “Hm?” Peter is shaken out of his train of thought by MJ, who grins at him from the other side of the table. She nods at Peter’s neck and he realizes he’s holding himself the same way MJ held her throat herself just a little bit ago. “Oh.” He lets go of himself and looks at his hand before deciding he didn’t mind the feeling around his neck. “I do like the feeling of having something around my neck,” he mutters. “Like-” he looks back up at MJ. “My neck’s very sensitive, I guess?” MJ scoffs a smile. “Not surprised,” she quips. “Ever seen a spider with a neck?” Peter frowns, unsure where MJ’s beautifully strange mind is going this time. “No,” he chuckles uncertain. “That’s ‘cause they evolved out of it. The ones with necks were probably Darwinned out of existence hundreds of thousands of years ago!” She holds her spoon up while she takes a quick sip, indicating she’s not done yet. “It’s a weak spot! Too sensitive! You’re very unfortunate to have a neck, Mr. Parker.” “Were there ever spiders with necks?” Peter can’t help but laugh and play along. "Can’t prove that there weren’t." MJ winks. "Better watch your neck, Pete."

The comment makes Peter hide his face in his hands again. MJ really has her way with words. “You’re making fun of me again,” he says with a smile. “Don’t have to call me out on that, you should be worried when I don’t make fun of you.” “Noted,” Peter laughs. “Noted.” “So!” MJ tosses her spoon in her half empty glass. “You like the slight pressure around your neck?” Peter swallows and nods slightly. “Y-yeah, I guess-” “Okay, scratch what I said earlier, cause I’m not making fun of you for this kind of stuff, okay? No kink shaming in this house. Or any house, to be honest.” Peter fiddles with his fingers and nods as he looks at them. “Thanks.” “Ever considered wearing chokers or collars?” Peter’s head whips up to look at MJ. Her expression is serious. “I’ve had some subs who liked the constant reminder of being owned by their dominant- me, I guess, at that point. Collars did the trick. The whole thing was super sensual to them. From the act of being collared up by their daddy to being pulled on a leash and-” “Woah-woah-woah-” Peter stops MJ with his hands raised in front of him. “Did you just-” “Refer to myself as daddy? Yeah? Got a problem with that, Parker?” MJ grins wide and he doesn’t know what to do with himself. “No, no, of course not!” He laughs sheepishly and hides his face. They are literally having this conversation in a crowded coffee shop. He knows at least four people have tuned in to their conversation and are following it. There’s no denying; he literally sees them glance their way every now and then. “Good, cause girls can be daddies too.” Peter’s going to pretend that line didn’t go straight to his dick. As if nothing just happened, MJ continues her train of thought. “If you wanna try a collar I can send you a couple links. There’s some good websites out there.” Peter presses his lips on each other and nods gratefully. He chugs the rest of the coffee, hoping it’ll distract him from whatever he’s feeling right now. However, when he angles his head up, he’s suddenly extremely aware of how exposed his neck is and the mere idea of having something straining around it slightly nearly has him choke on the last sip. He clears his throat and licks his lips, taking off the foam and tasting the sweet of the caramell. A collar . He quietly hopes MJ won’t forget sending him the links. He’d probably be too much of a chicken to ask her for them. Luckily for him, MJ immediately grabs her phone and browses for her favourite online stores to send them to Peter. He takes a breath and smiles. “Thanks.”

-

Tony hums happily when Peter nestles himself into Tony’s side and rests his hand on the boy’s back. Tony has been splayed out on the couch for a little over thirty minutes now, trying to take a nap and failing badly. He couldn’t stop his mind from wandering off to last week. Peter had surprised him with a trip to a certain spa in Italy. Tony hadn’t realized how on-edge he’d been lately - the amount of stress from work was driving him absolutely nuts. Peter had noticed. Had known that Tony needed a little break. He couldn’t believe that Peter spent such a huge amount of money and it’d turned him on big time. The arousal evident throughout the entire trip. He smiles at the memory of Peter wearing the laurel crown. The hot and steamy baths they’d taken together, day in day out. It was safe to say his sweet Cupido had taken very good care of him. He’s casually playing with Peter’s hair now. He loves the way the soft, brown locks curl around his fingers. Peter makes him so happy. So incredibly happy. He can’t believe it sometimes. That this… amazing being is his boyfriend. That Peter chose him. Loves him. Out of all people. Peter’s been there, every step of the way. They faced so many things together. Battles, near-death experiences, the whole MIT incident. Talking openly about literally everything. From their favorite foods, to their deepest fears, to… To their all-over-the-place sexual interests.

He loves Peter. He truly loves him.

And fuck it. He’s ready. He’s ready to show Peter his last secret. The last thing that he’s held back for so, so long now.  “Wait here,” he says, startling Peter in their embrace. He scrambles up, careful not to hurt Peter in the process and walks over to the kitchen. He grabs the jar and takes it back with him. He sits down, opens it and turns it over, dropping all the notes out. “Tony, what are you-” Tony just smiles at him. His heart is pounding in his ribcage so hard and so fast it should be terrifying. But somehow, it isn’t. He knows he’s ready. He knows Peter loves him no matter what. He trusts him. He trusts Peter to cherish this little side of him - whether he likes it or not. He rummages through the notes. Where is it? Stranger RP, Kitchen Sex, Sex in Spiderman Suit - What now? Tony chuckles as he reads it but continues the search until he finally finds the one little note he’d been looking for. The one he pulled out so long ago only to throw it back in there because he’d been too scared. He swallows, taking a deep breath as he hands the little paper over to his very obviously confused boyfriend. “I’m ready, Pete.”

Peter’s eyes widen and he carefully takes the note. “Is… Is this…” “Yeah.” “Fuck, Tony, are you sure?” Tony chuckles, nodding fast as his heart warms at the idea that Peter is double-checking with him. Only solidifying the idea that this is indeed the right time.  “Yeah, yeah, kid, just read the damned thing. You’re killing me here.” Peter grins at that and he bites down his lips. His eyes sparkle when he unfolds the note and reads what’s on there. 

Puppy Play .

He’s silent for a moment, his lips parting in a slight ‘oh’. Peter gets it now. Why Tony loved making him crawl- why he made him hump pillows and give him short commands such as “Sit” and “Down, boy.” Fuck. Peter’s cheeks flush. He hasn’t even given those things a second thought but, never thought about being a… puppy, before. But he sure as hell knows how much he enjoys it when Tony treats him like that. He loves the humiliation, the power shift, the way Tony praises him for being a good boy. He looks up at the older man. He can see why he’d been scared to bring it up. It’s such a specific thing. His mind flashes back to Tony’s birthday party when he threw Beck out the Tower. The man had sneered a bark at him. He finally understood why and - oh god. He also remembers what he told Tony afterwards. “As if I’m your dog or anything like that.” It hurts thinking about it, thinking how he unconsciously made Tony push away from this thing even further.

But not anymore.

“I see…” he whispers, slowly moving off the couch and dropping onto his knees right between Tony’s legs. Tony’s gaze darkens straight-up, licking his lips unconsciously. “Fuck, Pete-” he whispers breathlessly. “You really want to do this with me?” Peter nods, shifting forward and resting his chin on top of Tony’s leg. Tony huffs out a surprised breath, tentatively reaching out for Peter’s curls once more. But he doesn’t run his fingers through it like he usually does. His fingertips ruffle through his hair just behind Peter’s ear. It’s hesitant, Peter can feel it, and he doesn’t know why but that turns him on. He wants Tony to go all in. To go for it. Make Peter his puppy. So he whines, tilting his head leaning into the playful touch. “Oh look at you, my pretty boy, I wish I could put a collar on you.” Peter’s lips part at the mere idea and he gulps, smirking lightly. “What if…” Peter whispers, thinking about the beautiful black leather collar he ordered about two months ago. “What if you could?”  After MJ’s little speech on how her subs like the slight, neverending pressure on their throats, Peter’s been craving it. He’s been craving feeling owned . The constant reminder that he’s Tony’s every time he swallows. He’d only wore it once while masturbating, imagining Tony using it to yank the boy wherever he wants. With that image in his mind, he’d come so hard and he’d been embarrassed to wear it again. He figured Tony would’ve seen his order in his bank account - but he hadn’t said anything so Peter took it as a silent sign that Tony wasn’t into it. Guess he’d been wrong to make that assumption. “ What? ” “I-I may have bought a collar and a leash a couple months ago,” Peter squeaks, his cheeks flaring up once more. Tony moans, so obscenely it has Peter nearly whimper with arousal. Tony’s voice is broken and rushed when he speaks again, his finger brushing past Peter’s cheek and ruffling through his hair once more, scratching the skin behind his ear.

“Fetch, boy.”

Tony stares as the boy rushes off to their bedroom. Dammit. He’s so awfully hard in his sweats already. The boy has a collar. The boy has had a collar for months and he didn’t know it. He doesn’t mind, not at all. His throat is dry at the mental image of holding Peter on a leash. He’s so ready for this and he waits eagerly for Peter to return. Which, thank god, doesn’t take too long. Tony’s breath hitches when he sees Peter. He’s stark naked, his hard cock strained against his abdomen. A black collar and a leash dangling from his hands, the little chain clanking when he moves. He looks so innocent and sexy at the same time that it nearly knocks his breath from his lungs. Puppy. “Oh God, Peter, c’mere, I want to buckle that collar around your pretty throat.” Tony chokes out, not sure what to do with himself. Peter’s eyes start sparkling at Tony’s obvious arousal. His lips curl into a mischievous smile as he brings his hands up agonizingly slow, clamping the collar between his teeth. He tilts his head, the leash playfully dancing to the movement and Peter growls. A silent noise but Tony didn’t miss it. The sound echoes in his mind. He wants to hear it again. “Pe-” He doesn’t even have time to speak, the boy sends him a little wink before turning around and walking into their bedroom once again. His hips swaying teasingly. The message is clear. Come and get me, daddy. Tony huffs a shaky breath, grinning madly. This, Peter rolling with it so easily, so playfully, is a dream come true. So he decides to give the boy what he’s wordlessly asking for. Rising off the couch, walking to their bedroom. His heart is pounding in his chest, strong and fast as he wonders what Peter’s up to. He can’t wait to find out.

Peter grins around the collar in his mouth, his sensitive hearing how Tony approaches him. Step by step, coming closer and closer. Just a few more seconds. His body’s buzzing with excitement and arousal. He takes a deep breath knowing just how much Tony’s gonna love his little plan. Peter already likes being a little puppy. How it gives him a green card to let out his more naughty side. Tony’s almost there, almost… The second he sees the man appear in the doorway, he laughs, rushing out of the bedroom headed for the couch. He loves the surprised noise coming from Tony’s mouth and he jumps onto the cushion, lowering his upper body, his butt high in the air. Tony’s face is priceless. He looks so startled and turned on at the same time. Peter fucking loves it. He has no clue what he’s doing honestly, but he knows what puppies are like. So he tilts his head again, whining softly as he slowly starts wagging his butt.

“Oh, you are in big trouble,” Tony grunts and strides towards the boy. Peter yelps in surprise and leans back, hiding his face behind the armrest, but Tony’s there with him before he even processes it. “Drop it.” Peter growls again, shaking his head wildly. The thrill at the mere idea of Tony’s potential punishment has him trembling with desire. Tony snorts at the boy’s defiance and grabs his collar. When the man tugs, Peter’s cock twitches and he moans surprised. He doesn’t let go, clamping his teeth tighter into the sturdy leather band. “Peter, I’m giving you one last chance. Drop the collar or I will not let you cum for the rest of the fucking week. I’ll make you hump for hours and hours without ever granting you release. How’s that, uh? Let. Go. ” Peter’s breath hitches at the threat. Part of him wants to see how far he can take this. Likes the idea of being told no. But fuck, he’s so horny already he really needs to come tonight. So he growls but drops the collar into Tony’s hand. The man grins, clearly pleased with the outcome. “ Good booooooy, ” Tony coos, making Peter whimper instantly. “Do you want the collar, pretty puppy?” Peter nods, staring at the way Tony lets the black leather glide through his fingers. It looks so smooth. He wants to feel it around his throat so badly. “P-please, Sir, I want it.” “Begging so nicely already, that’s more like it, sweetness.” Tony grins and sits on the couch, resting into the sides nonchalantly. “But puppies don’t belong on the couch now do they?” Peter has never dropped to the floor this fast ever in his life. They’re back where they started. Tony on the couch, Peter kneeling between his legs. Deja vu. Only this time there’s a collar and Peter eyes it desperately, gulping when Tony leans forward.  “Stay,” he breathes and Peter moans, nearly jolting when Tony’s fingers brush past the sensitive skin of his neck. The leather strap digging into his skin as Tony fastens it. It’s heavy and so obviously there and Peter wonders why he’d hidden it for so long. Everything about this feels so damn right. “How’s that feel, buddy?” “So good. F-Feels so good Tony, I love it, I… C-Can you please tighten it?” He pleads. He wants to feel it better. Wants to feel it pressed into his skin without remorse. Tony hums softly, fingers working on the buckle to give in to Peter’s plea. The moment the man tightens it, a surge or white hot arousal shoots through Peter’s body. Owned. I’m owned. “Better?” “ Tighter. ”

Tony chuckles, tightening the collar once more. Peter groans, feeling how every beat of his heart echoes through the pressure around his jugulars. Yes, yes, yes. “There you go, sweet pup. I still need you to breathe,” Tony whispers leaning back, admiring the harsh contrast between the black leather and Peter’s pale skin. He grabs the leash that’s dangling from the D-ring in front, tugging on it slightly, making Peter moan as he can’t do anything but give in to the movement. Tony’s free hand ruffles through his hair, deliberately messing up his curls. It feels so good though that Peter doesn’t mind at all. He’s ashamed to admit he doesn’t ever want Tony to stop petting him like that. “Daddy, I-” “Hush, Petey, puppies don’t talk now do they?” Peter whimpers when he realizes how Tony just shut him up with one single sentence. Oh god. He won’t even be able to talk back, or plead, or ask- only whine. Make noise. He groans and smirks when he realizes that that’s the whole thing. Tony wants him to make noise . He’s so ready for it. 

Tony shifts, his legs falling apart and Peter gulps when he sees the clear outline of Tony’s hard-on through his sweatpants. Tony grins as he sees Peter’s hungry gaze. “Is there something you want, buddy?” Peter nods desperately. Rising up, leaning his arms - or paws, call it what you like - on Tony’s legs. Nuzzling his face into Tony’s chest playfully.  “Hooo boy, easy now.” Tony chuckles, pushing him down again. Peter’s on all fours now, grinning, licking his lips and he wags his butt. Tony’s eyes darken at that. He shifts up to tug his sweats and boxers down. Peter stares at his hard cock. God, he wants to wrap his lips around it. Suck on it, making Tony feel good. “Oh, cucciolo … You gonna make daddy feel good?”

Cucciolo. Cucciolo… Why does that sound so familiar? His mind flashes back to the Italian spa, the first time they were there. The Italian pet names. Peter asking what they meant. Tony had answered all of them. Amore. Bambino. Caro. Except for… “And Cucciolo ?” “Oh, I don't know about that one exactly. All I know is that it's a pet name.”

“All this time,” Peter breathes out, his eyes opening wide. “Tony! I asked you what it, cucciolo, meant, I… You are so slick. ” Tony grins and leans forward, his face mere inches away from Peter. “ Cucciolo ,” he whispers, before his hand gently scratches behind Peter’s ear. Peter fights the urge to moan and maintains eye contact with Tony. “ Puppy. ” Tony smiles triumphantly and drops himself back on the couch, letting go of Peter. The boy whines at the lack of touch, but also can’t help the surge of arousal coursing through him. “Now, get your clever little mouth to work.” Tony tugs Peter forward using the leash. Peter immediately complies and sits up so he can reach Tony’s hard cock. Now that his attention has been shifted back to what needs to be done, he’s already forgotten what he wanted to say. He couldn’t speak if he tried, completely enthralled by the twitching shaft in front of him. He leans down and closes his eyes, anticipating the soft impact of his face hitting Tony’s skin. He gasps softly when he does, his hot breath causes Tony to jolt slightly.

Peter’s mouth is already half-opened, but he can’t help himself. Instead of wrapping his lips around Tony, he presses his head further, nuzzling the older man’s crotch. Licking, sighing, moaning… He laps at the head absentmindedly when Tony places his hand on Peter’s hair, tugging at his hair. “Taste good, don’t I?” he growls. Peter nods as he continues, his nose pushed in all directions as he cocks his head. His eyes are still closed and he smells, no, sniffs. Tony’s arousal fills his nostrils and the boy shakes. Peter leaves wet kisses everywhere; on the shaft, lower abdomen- he even suckles on Tony’s balls one by one and Tony’s panting becomes louder. His hips start thrusting up slightly and unconsciously, Peter humps the air too. “Go on, Cucciolo, ” Tony coos. “Take me whole.” Peter immediately raises his hand to hold onto Tony’s cock, angling him so he can wrap his lips around him. He hollows out his cheeks, not able to stop humping the air and he bobs his head, eliciting the most arousing sounds from his daddy.

Tony stares at his desperate boy and shifts one leg with a smirk, pressing it between his and Peter’s body and inviting his puppy to find friction by slightly lifting it from the floor. He pushes his shank between Peter’s legs, flexing his foot around Peter’s butt to urge him closer. His puppy moans around Tony’s cock - the vibrations sending shivers through Tony’s body - when he finally gets to hump something. His daddy’s leg of all things. Tony helps him, rubbing against Peter’s aching cock with his leg slowly. However, he also helps himself… Tony’s hand still rests on Peter’s head, curls stuck in his tight grasp. His other hand holds the leash and at the same time, he pushes Peter’s head down further while applying pressure to Peter’s neck by pulling at the leash. The boy nearly chokes on Tony’s cock, eyes rolling back as he desperately ruts against daddy’s leg. His moans are getting louder and louder, the sucking around Tony’s dick sloppier. The boy’s getting close to his orgasm. Tony’s not done with his sweet little thing yet.

“Off, buddy,” Tony breathes, biting his lips when Peter’s lips let go - leaving him throbbing. Peter sits back, his butt resting on his heels as he stares up at Tony in confusion. Eyes innocent and big. Tony licks his lips. “Good boy. Watch.” Tony groans when he curls his fingers around the base of his own cock. He squeezes slightly before pumping his hand up and down. He starts out slowly, enjoying the burning sensation in the pit of his stomach. Peter eyes him closely, his lips still parted. “You’re gonna behave today, sweet little pup,” he grunts. “That is, if you want to come. Tonight. ” Peter whimpers, shaking his head slightly. Tony can see him mouth a quick series of no’s but he doesn’t speak. Already behaving. Good. Definitely a good sign. Tony takes a sharp breath, speeding up. Faster, and faster, and faster. He stares at Peter’s needy face and fuck, he wants to come all over him. Watch his cum drip down the boy’s cheeks and, oh dammit, he’s so close. So close. “You wanna have a taste? Fuck, Pete- I…” Tony’s voice trails off, his hand moving up and down as fast as he can. He grunts, his hips bucking into his own touch when pleasure washes over him. He gasps, panting out loud when he sees trails of him staining his boy’s hungry face. “Fuck, fuck…” Tony takes a deep breath, trying to regain his composure. Peter looks… Filthy. If he had Peter’s Spider abilities he would’ve been hard again in an instant just at the sight.  “Messy boy,” Tony whispers, voice rough as he sticks out his hand. Most of his cum landed on Peter’s gorgeous face, but some of it had trickled down his hand. “C’mere, lick me clean.” Peter dives right in, tongue lapping at the digits, sucking them into his mouth harshly. Tony just watches, entranced. “Good boy. So good for daddy, aren’t you?” Peter nods, not stopping his tongue swirling across his skin until he gently brushes him off.

“Peter, listen carefully. I’m keeping you on your knees all day, you hear me?” Peter’s eyes widen and he whines, nodding desperately. “You want that? You can speak for now.” “I want that, daddy. Very much.” “Good, use your safeword if you need to stop. Otherwise, I expect full obedience or there will be consequences. Is that clear?” “Yes,” Peter smiles, tilting his head. “Does that mean you’ll feed me?” “Alright boy, time to shut up again.” Tony chuckles, petting the boy’s hair. Peter grins widely and leans into the touch, sighing happily. “But yes, no worries. I won’t let you starve. I do love you.” Peter nudges his nose against Tony’s knee, accidentally rubbing some of Tony’s cum on it but Tony couldn’t care less. He knows what Peter’s saying. I love you too.

-

Tony’s staring at his pup resting in his lap, his fingers running through the boy’s cute curls. After Tony came he’d patted the couch, Peter grinning happily at the privilege that allowed him to be comfortable, resting into his boyfriend’s side. The TV’s turned on, but Tony doesn’t really watch the show that’s playing. He’s too enamoured by Peter’s soft features as his heads lols back from dozing off. The sudden movement startles his puppy, making him whine quietly and shift until the process happens all over again. They’ve been like this for a little over an hour, and Tony should probably get started on prepping dinner. But Peter looks so soft and sweet, napping like this. His muscles are completely relaxed, his jaw is slacked and his eyelids twitch slightly. He’s dreaming. Tony’s eyes wander off to the boy’s cock, still hard. But not as hard as he had been before. Tony licks his lips, carefully reaching out for the shaft and curling his fingers around it.

Peter groans quietly, pressing himself into Tony’s touch. His hips mindlessly roll against the older man’s grip. Tony grins. His puppy is still horny. He rolls his thumb over the head and the sweetest sound falls from Peter’s lips. He’s not waking up, though. Tony continues giving the boy’s cock attention until he’s content with how hard it is. “Hey, buddy, wake up.” Tony flicks one of Peter’s nipples with his other hand. The pup gasps and jolts awake. When he realizes what Tony is doing, he immediately relaxes into the man’s touch again. “Nnhhhhg,” Peter moans, shaking his head.  “Petey…” Tony coos, his other hand ruffling through his hair. Peter sighs happily, pliant in the man’s arms. “You hungry boy?” Peter’s eyes are wide-open all of a sudden, looking up at Tony with an adorable little smile.  “Thought so. First things first, though.” Tony reaches for the black cube on the side table. “Gonna plug you up, buddy. Keep you hard and aching all day, ready for me to fuck you whenever.” Tony says and licks his lips as he sees how it makes Peter’s cheeks flush. “You’ll feel it moving inside when you crawl, baby, and oh I do intend to make you crawl.” 

Peter nods frantically. He wants it. He wants it so badly. He catches himself almost chanting a series of pleas and clamps his jaws together, knowing any word would probably make Tony force him to wait even longer. He does want to show his… Enthusiasm. So he arches up, licking a wet stripe across Tony’s jaw and giggles at the man’s surprised face.  “Now, someone’s excited,” Tony huffs and wipes the saliva off using his sleeve. Peter grins, turning around to get on his hands and knees, wagging his butt playfully. Tony actually laughs this time and smacks his butt. Peter moans at the light sting, a rush of arousal washing over him.  “Stay still, pup.” Tony orders him as he quickly gets his phone out to change the shape of the cube until a cute little buttplug. Peter’s glad to see it isn’t a very big one. He knows just how much this is going to fuck with his head, so not being thrown into all this too harshly is nice. Not that he’s under the impression that the smaller plug is going to be easy. He can only imagine how good it’ll feel moving inside him. Making him ache and yearn for his daddy’s cock. Peter gasps when the cold, lubricated tip trails past his hole. Teasing him, making him arch into the touch desperately. Yes, yes yes.   Tony doesn’t tease for too long and carefully slips it in. Peter moans at the increasing stretch, breathing heavily as Tony moves in and out, twisting. He wants to beg. Wants to talk. Wants to cry Tony’s name when the toy hits his prostate. Please please don’t stop, never stop. “Oh yes, that feels so good. Doesn’t it cucciolo ?” Tony’s voice is rough, sending shivers down Peter’s spine. As a response he wags his butt again, pushing back into the toy only to sob with pleasure as it brushes past his G-spot once more.

“Alright,” Tony states curtly, tugging on the toy slightly to see if it’s secured in place and then lets go of it. “-that’s downright naughty. I know you’re a needy little thing, know you simply can’t help yourself.” Peter whimpers, cheeks flaring up and his hips rolling into the air as his body unconsciously tries to chase the pleasure once again. “-It’s my job to teach you how to be a good boy though, and I will.” Peter doesn’t quite understand why, but he loves all of this so much. Loves being a naughty, needy little thing. Humping Tony’s leg, falling asleep in his lap with a collar buckled tight around his throat, being denied the very pleasure he wants so badly. It does things to him. To his body, but also his mind. He feels like he’s dreaming, happy and carefree and taken care of. When he looks over his shoulder to watch Tony’s face, he sees that all of this has the exact same effect on his boyfriend. He gets why Tony loves this so much, and thank god, so does he.

“Down, boy.” Tony says, interrupting Peter’s thoughts and he groans. He doesn’t want to get on the floor, but he’s very curious for Tony’s next step in their game. He looks at the floor, feels the plug and wonders how on earth he’ll ever pull this off. Gulping, he reaches for the floor, the plug angling into his hole so nicely it has him whimper. He pushes through though, clenching his jaws as he manages to get to the floor without torturing himself too much. It’s enough though, enough to have him shaking with desire. Tony scratches him behind his ear playfully. “That’s it buddy,” Tony gets up from the couch, readjusting the hard cock in his sweats a little too obviously. Intentionally. Peter licks his lips just staring at it. He knows Tony will fuck him tonight. He can’t wait. He- “Heel.” Tony tugs on the leash. It forces Peter to scramble up from his position. Heel. That means to follow closely, right? He blushes as he crawls, hoping he doesn’t mess up as he stays close to Tony’s leg. The older man smirks down at him. “ Good boy. ” Peter smiles, his movements becoming more confident now he knows he did understand correctly. His knees hurt where they hit the floor, but he doesn’t care honestly. Heck, he hopes they bruise. With every step he feels the plug moving inside of him, making it hard for him to stay focussed. His balls have been aching for release for so long now, they feel so goddamn tight, and every brush past his sweet spot makes it harder and harder not to jerk off. Once they’re in the kitchen, Tony ties the leash around the handle of their oven.  “Can’t have you run off now can we?” He ruffles through Peter’s hair. “Show me how hard you are, cucciolo .” Peter blushes and spreads his legs a little wider. Tony nods approvingly at the sight and starts moving around the kitchen. Putting a pan on the stove, cutting the ingredients and stir-frying them - the smell makes Peter’s stomach rumble. Now that he thinks about it, he has no clue what time it is. Has no clue how long he’s been a puppy. He looks over his shoulder but can’t see the clock. When he cranes his neck, the leash holds him back in place. Dammit.  “Easy boy, daddy’s making food for you. I know how hungry you are.” Peter nods and decides to lay down on his side. Knees tucked in. If he has to wait, he better be comfortable. 

About five minutes later, Tony turns the stove off and Peter perks up, staring at him intently. Tony grins, reaching into the pan and then crouching down in front of Peter with a little piece of chicken between his fingertips. Peter gulps. He just knows what’s about to happen. “Sit.” The short command makes Peter shiver and he sits up right away, butt resting on his heels. Tony ruffles through Peter’s hair and holds the piece of chicken in front of Peter’s mouth. For some stupid reason, eating out of Tony’s hands is a thousand times more humiliating than crawling around on a damned leash. He’s hesitant when he leans forward, taking it and sighing happily when the rich flavor fills his mouth. He chews. Swallows. Looks up at Tony. “You’re doing such a good job buddy, I’m so proud of you.” Peter moans as the impact of the praise kicks in. His dick twitches, still hard and strained against his abdomen. He loves Tony. The man must’ve sensed his slight embarrassment. “You make daddy so happy.” With that, Tony stands up to take another piece of chicken from the pan.  “Let’s see how well you can catch.” Peter’s eyes widen. Oh, God. He’s going to fail miserably. He stares at Tony’s hand. He wants to do this right. Wants to make his daddy… his owner, proud. However, when Tony throws it, he doesn’t aim at his puppy at all. Peter tries to catch it anyways, stumbling forward.  “Oops,” Tony says slowly, voice dripping with sarcasm. “-my bad.” If Peter could talk he’d make such a bratty comeback Tony would spank him so hard he’d see stars. But he can’t talk. Not today. He stares at the chicken, now on the floor. “Go on then, eat it.”

Peter cocks an eyebrow at Tony, deliberately picking it off the floor and lifting his hand to throw it back at the man standing in front of him. There’s no way he’s going to eat off the floor, no matter how clean. His heightened senses would pick up on all the things Peter does not want to taste. Tony interrupts it before he can actually throw it. “Ah-ah, behave.” For a split second, Peter debates whether he wants to cum tonight yes or no. It’s not a difficult decision though, so he huffs out a breath and shifts his aim, tossing it back on the counter instead of against Tony’s sweats. Tony fake-sighs and takes a plate from the countertop, quickly scooping up the stir-fry.  “Such a picky little pup, aren’t you? I’ve been spoiling you too much.” Tony crouches down again, putting the plate in front of Peter. “Here you go.”

Peter can’t believe Tony’s still making him eat off the floor, but at least it’s on a plate now. He takes a deep breath as he inches closer - staring at the food. It’s his own fucking recipe. The burrito bowl he makes for Tony so often. Tony’s still improving a lot in his cooking, and this is one of the meals he’s actually mastered in the past couple months. Peter loves the food. Then why does this feel like such a big thing he’s about to do? It’s just food. That’s he’s gonna eat off the floor. With his mouth only. His face is burning with shame when he leans in, carefully trying to catch a little piece of broccoli between his teeth.  “That’s it, Petey,” Tony coos from above him, now preparing a plate for himself as well. “You still hard, boy?” Peter looks down at his cock. He’s still hard, but not as rock-hard as he’d been before. Tony hums disapprovingly and leans forward. His hand finds Peter’s cock effortlessly. Peter whines at the sudden touch, a surge of pleasure cursing through him. His hips buck into Tony’s hand uncontrollably, couldn’t even hold still if he wanted to. Soon enough, his cock is slick with precum - his core muscles clenching and unclenching without pause. He wants to come so badly, yearns for Tony to just push his own pants down and take him from behind. However, Tony’s hand is gone as quickly as he started. “That’s better,” he grins staring at Peter’s raging boner. “Go on, eat.” The man sits down on the barstool, starting to eat his own meal making Peter whimper at the loss of pleasure. Though in a way, the denial only makes him more aroused. Eat. He has to eat. The sooner he finishes this, the sooner Tony will fuck him. He leans in towards the plate to pick another bite slowly, trying to dial down his nerves. He’s less hesitant at the second bite. With the third he actually tastes how well Tony did at cooking this time, he even added some extra spices to it. Peter’s proud. Soon enough, Peter’s simply eating. Enjoying it while Tony watches him proudly from the corner of his eyes.

-

“Stay.” Peter looks up at Tony as the man stalks off to their bedroom. Peter’s still tied to the oven, and the bedroom door sways shut so he can’t see what Tony’s up to. He hears Tony move around, moving things , but even Peter’s on-edge senses can’t tell exactly what’s going on in there. The fact that it’s the bedroom says enough though. Whatever the man is preparing, Peter aches to find out. The big grin on Tony’s face when he walks back into the room has Peter whine low in his throat. Tony’s not just… Taking care of him right now. He’s in full-on dom mode and Peter’s skin tingles with anticipation.  “Hey, buddy.” Tony whispers. “I got a little surprise for you.” Tony unties the leash and pulls it taut, forcing Peter to get on all fours again. The crawl to the bedroom is torture. His knees are even more sore than they were before, his hole clenches around the plug as sparks of pleasure shoot through him at every little step. The occasional brushes of Tony’s hand petting his hair have him shiver all over. He wonders what Tony’s surprise is, he wonders-

His eyes open wide when he stares at the, well… mess on their bed. He gulps. It’s a collection of all the things he ever broke during sex. Sheets, cuffs, ropes… A big pile of shirts that he ripped off Tony’s body in his eagerness. And - Oh God - the coffee machine. Peter remembers that time very vividly. He’d knocked the thing off the countertop when Tony’s slammed into him harshly. It’d broken into three pieces. Those are now resting at the edge of the bed. Peter chuckles. There’s so much more. A cushion from the couch, a little button that somehow, got jarred from the elevator control panel when he’d tried to steady himself while sucking Tony off. Everything is on the bed. He looks up at Tony. “It turns me on,” the man whispers, “-knowing you lose yourself in pleasure.” He pats the bed, urging Peter to crawl on top which he does.  “I intend to make you break many more things, sweet little pup. Why don’t we start with the leash, uh?” Tony smirks, tying Peter up to the bedpost at the feet end this time. Peter tugs on the taut leash experimentally and moans when it doesn’t give in. But of course, that’s without using his Spider strength.

“You like being tied down, boy?” Tony growls softly as he quickly tugs the shirt over his head. Peter’s jaw drops at the sight and he nods. He loves seeing Tony half-naked, the sweats hanging low on his hips. His strong chest, the arc reactor making it shine ever so bright. Tony licks his lips, seeing how Peter’s watching him. Peter knows he’s being a fucking tease on purpose but he doesn’t mind one single bit. He loves it when Tony hooks his fingers in the hem of the grey sweats, slowly, very slowly pushing them down, and- Peter moans when he sees how hard his daddy is.  “That’s right. You’re so needy you start drooling at the sight, don’t you?” Peter has to squeeze his eyes shut when another wave of arousal hits him hard. Biting down his lips cutting off his words. Tony pushes his sweatpants and boxers down, stepping out of them and crawling onto the bed, kneeling behind Peter’s body. Peter takes a shaky breath. He can’t see Tony, but he can feel exactly where he is. His lower back arching unconsciously as a silent invite to please fuck me fuck me fuck me. “You’re so hard,” Tony coos. Peter sobs when he feels Tony’s fingers curl around the shaft, his hole clenching around the plug. “And I’m gonna pound you so good. You know why, buddy?” Peter shakes his head and has to bite back a high-pitched cry when suddenly Tony’s tongue is on his balls and suddenly everything just feels so good it’s disorienting. “Because you’re my bitch, Pete.”

Peter jolts at the words as they keep reverberating in his head. His fingers fist in the sheets - are those the ripped sheets? He has no clue. If Tony keeps going like this they sure will be. The man’s tongue is licking wet stripes all across the thin skin, and it’s exhilarating how fragile it makes him feel. Tony gently flicks his thumb at Peter’s tip a couple times, almost demanding Peter to cry out. Peter lets his head hang low breathing heavily,  resting against the cotton fabric. He doesn’t know how long he can keep his composure like this. But who is he kidding. He already lost that from the moment Tony buckled the collar around his throat.  “Such a gorgeous little puppy. You’re a whimpering mess, baby, wish you could hear yourself.” Peter’s cheeks flare up once more. “I don’t even have to prep you, just take the plug out and you’re all ready to go.” Tony’s hot lips move up, kissing the skin around the plug passionately.  Without warning, Tony starts tugging on the plug gently. Peter grunts, the movement inside him not nearly enough and yet all he craves. The thicker part of the plug stretching the rim as it’s pulled out - making him sob when the empty feeling washes over him. He needs Tony. Inside of him. Hard. Fast. Rough.

Now.

“Petey, baby…” Tony groans. “My good boy. Always my good boy. Even when you’re a naughty little tease. Even when you tear everything apart as you come. You make me the happiest man on earth.” Before Peter has time to process the praise, Tony pushes inside of him. “ AH! ” Peter can’t help the surprised moan escaping his throat, his entire body is on fire. His skin tingling mad after having been denied for so damn long. Tony’s everywhere around him. His big hands gripping Peter’s thighs, nails digging into the skin harshly. Keeping him in place. His hot breath hits his back with each little huff. Tony’s cock presses so deep inside Peter feels the man’s balls against his ass. “Gonna have you make the sweetest sounds, hmm? You gonna show daddy how much you like it when he fucks you like this?” Tony slowly bottoms out, only to slam back in. Repeating the movement faster and faster and faster until Peter’s eyes roll back at the pleasure he’s filled with. Peter’s shot huffed-breaths mingle with his desperate moans, he can’t control himself. Can only surrender to the way Tony makes him feel. Submit.  

“Peter,” Tony gasps, the broken voice making him feel floaty and hazy and good. He’s the one that makes Tony fucking lose it. The way it’s supposed to be. The man lets go of his hips, his pace slowing down for a moment. Peter feels how Tony reaches for something, stuffing it underneath them. “Lower your hips.” Peter complies, groaning when his dick touches something soft and fabric-y. What’s- “Gonna make you cum all over my ripped shirts, cucciolo ,” Tony grunts when he keeps pounding into him. “-make you ruin them even more. Knew you were a disastrous little pup from the moment I laid my eyes on you.” Peter can’t even hump the shirts. He just… Has to take what Tony’s giving him. The man’s force makes his cock drag along the torn fabric over and over again. The friction is dizzying, making him take a series of short little gasps.  “You’re going to cum just like that, Pete? Humping my shirts without shame?” Tony’s voice is rough and low in his ears, the man hovering over him even more than before and the new angle actually making the man’s dick press into Peter’s G-spot with each thrust. His orgasm is building up so fast, his gut nearly aching after being teased for so long. “You destroyed all these things… Now, sweetness…” Tony’s fingers bruising his hips to hold on for leverage, pounding into Peter as fast as he can. “Ruin yourself.”

Peter’s back arches, his head thrown back as he comes, spilling himself all over the shirts and- there’s a loud ‘Crack!’ when the leash jars through the bedpost, breaking it. The force flings him backwards against the headboard. Another loud splintering sound when both Tony and Peter fly against the wood. Peter gasps loudly, startled by the sudden change of things but Tony laughs, cradling Peter close. The boy’s lying on top of Tony’s chest now, the man rolling them to the side. He doesn’t stop fucking him, though. No. The opposite. “Oh yes baby, fuck, you broke the bed. Holy shit- Peter!” Tony gruns, sucking sweet and passionate lovebites in Peter’s neck, “-fuck, yes, my sweet little bitch. You perfect thing. Oh God. ” Tony’s stammering, his hips rutting into Peter uncontrollably while he grabs and tugs on the leash to make Peter arch more. “Gonna need a bigger box now, don’t we?” Peter huffs out a surprised moan, nodding chuckling at Tony’s quick-witted answer to him breaking their damned bed. The thing is worth a fortune, and- Oh. That would make the man even hornier. Yes, yes yes. “I’m go- Oh, my sweet thing, yes, yes… ” Tony’s composure is completely gone, filthy moans leaving his mouth as his hips start to stutter. “Pete- Pete… Fuck, gonna f-fill you up like the bitch you are. Oh, fuck Pete!” Tony’s entire body surges forward, trembling as he comes inside of Peter. The boy can feel the other man’s cock twitch in his body. Feels how he’s filled up. Like a good little bitch - Peter’s mind provides helpfully, making him moan quietly. He loves the thought alone.

They’re both quiet for a moment as they catch their breaths. Both men come down from their highs after playing around the entire afternoon. At one point, Tony gently slips out of him, going to the bathroom to get a hot washcloth, gently cleaning Peter up. It’s nice. Being taken care of like that. And once both their cum is wiped off his body, he nuzzles into Tony’s embrace. “Hey, Petey,” the man whispers gently. Peter smiles up, eyes glimmering with happiness. “Hey,” he croaks. Tony kisses the top of his head. “How are you feeling?” Peter takes a little moment to tune in with his body before answering his boyfriend. “Sore, but so, so insanely good. Tony that was…” His voice trails off, he doesn’t even know a word to describe it. “So special. I loved it. I truly did.” “Pete…” “Thank you, for showing me. I know how hard it was for you, and… I just- I love you. So much. That was next-level, fuck.” Peter chuckles. “You had me in the headspace within minutes, like, you’re a perfect dom, Tony.” Tony actually blushes at that, a sight Peter barely ever sees. He hugs the boy closer into his chest, closing his eyes in the process. “You allowed me. Peter. I trust you, and you gave it a try even though you had no idea what it was. Fuck- You even came up with that collar… How’d you get that anyway?” Peter grins, chuckling slightly at Tony changing the subject but he rolls with it. “Oh-” he shrugs. “A certain black credit card allowed me to.” “What?” Tony scoffs. “You never buy things with my money!” “I did buy that!” “When?!” “A- A couple months ago! MJ helped me realize I… I like having something around my neck. That sounds bad, wait. I remembered that time you made me wear the bow tie, and well, she sent me some links to good online shops to buy this stuff and… Uh… Yeah?” He stammers, his cheeks flushed. Dammit, being a puppy is way easier.

Tony snorts when he suddenly realizes he could’ve known about this from the start. About two months ago, F.R.I.D.A.Y. had warned him about a ‘notable purchase’ from Peter. Tony, who’d been so excited about the boy finally spending some money decided not to dig into it. “Peter bought it?” “Yes, boss.” “Did it cost more than a 1000 dollars?” “No.” “Good, leave it then. I don’t want to know.” Peter eyes him self-consciously, so Tony pushes the thoughts out of his mind, caressing the kid’s cheeks with his thumbs. It’s quiet for a second and Tony wonders why Peter frowns. “What’s up?” “All this time, I… I thought you didn’t like it. I hoped you’d see the purchase and respond, but… Yeah.” “Oh, sweetness…” Tony’s lifts Peter’s chin up. Forcing him to stare into his eyes when he speaks. “I want to do everything with you, honeybunch .” “That, Mr. Stark, is going to take a lot of time,” Peter chuckles, his fingers softly caress Tony’s skin and the older man smiles down at him. “Oh, caro mio , we got all the time in the world.”

-FIN

---

Masterpost Other: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHOWERING THIS FIC WITH YOUR LOVE <3 We wrote a near 100K in less than a month, and the kudos and comments (AO3) and notes/reblogs (Tumblr) definitely helped keep us motivated!!! <3 You're all so amazing! And if you don't kudo or comment but did like this story, hi! Thank you for loving it too!

We're so sad that this fic has been finished, but figured this would be the perfect end. There will be spin-offs in this world which is now called the 'Ti Amo' series, so keep an eye out for more! Our first spin-off will be called Tempio Di Pietro <3 But there will be more!

Much love, Lien & Kim <3

#tony x peter #peter x tony #peter parker #adult peter parker #tony stark #starker #ironspider #iron man x spider man #spider man x iron man #iron man #ironman #spiderman #spider man #marvel #mcu #fanfic #fan fic #fan fiction #fanfiction #ao3 fanfic #kink exploration

[intubatedangel]

The Doctor and his Patient Nurse - Intermission 1

The lock clicked open quietly, then the door swung open silently on high quality hinges. The led lights came on, then dimmed as the dial was turned down low. They stepped into the spacious apartment, taking off their coats and hanging them in a closet by the door. It was something they’d done so many times that it was almost ritual.

 Anna smiled as she looked around. She’d stayed here so many times over the last 6 months it was almost a second home to her. Without even considering it, she started towards the couch that sat in front of the 50-inch wall mounted tv. But a gentle yet firm hand landed on her shoulder. She looked back at Carl. He seemed to have become nervous, almost hesitant, in the 20 minutes since their conversation on the stair case.

 “Come on.” He murmured, leading her towards the bedroom. She followed, as she had many times before, but he’d always been much more confident. It was as if he was a virgin school boy, filled with anxiety at the prospect of his first time. She noticed the keys still in his hand, normally he would have hung them up beside the door. She no longer knew what to think.

 The bedroom was much like the rest of the apartment. Spacious, with a chest of drawers, one of which had already become hers and a walk-in wardrobe. There was plenty of room to move around the bed.

 Carl paused, breathing deeply. “Is everything ok?” Anna asked him, stepping around to look at his face. He looked down at her, and she could see the heat rising in his cheeks.

 He seemed to take a moment, struggling to come to a decision, like he had on the staircase, but it seemed so much more difficult, as if there was no going back from what he was about to do. He reached down and took her hand, playing his thumb across her knuckles. He looked into her eyes. He was scared. Terrified. Whatever was going on in his head, it was deeply personal.

 Anna reached up and pulled him closer, craning her neck back to kiss him softly on the lips. His eyes closed as he savoured the kiss, as if it might be the last time. Anna began to feel anxious herself. She’d never seen Carl like this. When they first met, he’d struck her as the cool and confident emergency doctor, it had even grated her initially. But then she’d found the gentle and tender part of him that lived behind the façade. As their relationship evolved, she’d discovered a solid core of strength, a man who took honour and loyalty seriously. Caring about his team wasn’t an act, but an integral part of him. Now she wondered if there was something even deeper than that.

 Slowly his eyes opened again. He seemed to finally make the decision, much as he had on the stair case. His voice was thicker as he met her gaze once more. “Take a nice relaxing shower. I’ll get set up.” He gently pushed her towards the bathroom.

 She stopped at her drawer to grab some underwear, glancing back to see Carl enter the walk-in wardrobe, then slipped into the en-suite bathroom. She turned on the shower, striping away her scrubs as the water warmed up. She tried to figure out what he meant by getting ‘set up’. She thought she hear the jangling of keys from the far side of the bedroom. A wave of tiredness slammed into her, her exertions and her worries stacking together to create a weight that threatened to drag her to the floor.

 Lethargically, she stepped into the tub and under the stream of pleasantly hot water. Her legs tired, she ended up sinking into the tub, sitting on the bottom as the stream cascaded over her. Her head drooped, letting the water run down her back and shoulders. It was relaxing, she could feel her heart slowing as the ache in her muscles eased. She leaned back, exposing her front to the shower. She almost nodded off, but as water trickled into her mouth and run down toward her lungs, she coughed herself awake.

 She leaned forward again, rubbing the water from her eyes, then stood up carefully in the tub. She quickly washed her hair, not bothering with conditioner. The she lathered up a sponge with soap and began to wash her body, concentrating on those regions most susceptible to sweat first. Having kept them smoothly waxed made to job quicker. Once her whole body was covered in the sweet-smelling lather, she let the shower wash it from her, taking the sweat and dirt with it.

 She didn’t know how long she spent under the embrace of the shower but figured that Carl had finished his ‘set up’, whatever it may be. She turned off the stream, dashing water from her soft skin, now a soft pink, then stepped out of the tub. One of her favourite things about Carl’s place was his towels. They were huge beach towels but felt as soft as a cloud. She took one from the heated rail, wrapping it around herself. It felt decadently comfortable, a big hug from the fluffiest dog you could imagine.

 She enjoyed it for a moment, then dried herself off. She’d draped her underwear on the towel rail, and a bath robe hung from each side. She pulled on the simplistic, practically under garments, feeling a degree of pleasure as the warmth encased her private areas. The bath robe was even better than the towel. Just as soft, and given they’d been sized for Carl, the hooded robe enveloped her. She could have happily curled up on the tiled floor and slept, but she didn’t want to worry Carl, or keep him waiting. She took a deep breath and eased open the door.

 Carl was sat on a small stool by the side of the bed. She recognised it from the walk-in wardrobe. She also recognised what was sat on the bedside table next to him. A monitor. A patient monitor, with a 5-lead cable curled up next to it. Anna took a sharp breath in as she realised that was what he meant by getting set up.

Carl looked up at the noise, he was chewing on his lip, but a nervous smile flickered across his face anyway. He nodded to the bed, with pillows already arranged into a more upright position, and grabbed the ecg cable. “I told you we would see if anything was obviously wrong.”

 Anna just stood there, her tired mind suddenly trying to start its engines and catch up. The thoughts crashed into one another. Why does he have a monitor? Well he is a Doctor, maybe it’s for research, or practice. But where did he get it from? It’s not the style we have at Memorial, so he probably didn’t steal it. The rational parts of her brain argued. Besides, there is that scary heart thing to consider, how about we just calm down and let him make sure we aren’t going to drop dead. Well fine, but a professional patient monitor is not something you would usually find in an apartment. A doctor’s apartment. Kinky Anna, rising from wherever she had been buried it during the day’s events, suddenly decided to add her voice to the pile up. GUYS! HE’S GOING TO GIVE US AN ECG!!

 “Anna?” She flinched slightly as she noticed he had come over to her. “Still with me?” Carl asked, his smile gone, replaced by the concern pasted across his face.

 “Yeah…” Her voice whispered out. She cleared her throat. “Sorry. Yeah, just tired and I wasn’t expecting…” She waved at the ecg.

 Carl turned away, his shoulders seeming to stiffen a little. “Well, you seemed so worried. I figured, I had this, so why not see. Put you at ease.” He sat down, slumping slightly. He genuinely looked like a first timer who had just embarrassed himself. He wasn’t, Anna had 6 months of memories to attest to that. “I guess it seems a bit weird. If you don’t want to, I can…”

 “No, I didn’t mean it like that.” Anna blurted out before she could think. She walked around the bed and sat down in front of him. “It was a surprise. Not necessarily an unwelcome one.”

 Carl perked up at that, his head cocked slightly to one side. Anna felt even more confused, tiredness starting to press on her again, so she made the decision to just roll with it. She settled herself on the bed, sinking into the pile of pillows. Her hands fumbled at the knot of the bathrobe, she started forward to get a better look, when Carl pressed her back with a firm hand.

 “Just relax. I’ve got it.” The nervousness had left his voice. In fact, it had taken on the same tone he used in the hospital. A calm, measured tone. Caring and compassionate, but with a sense of granite hard authority. “We want a clear reading, so just relax.”

 His dexterous hands slipped the knot in a mere moment, and he pulled the front of the robe to either side, exposing Anna’s mostly bare chest. He turned to grab the dangling cable. Skintact electrodes were already attached to the ends of each wire. Anna closed her eyes, trying to force her heart to relax. Yes, she’d had dreams about something like this. But she didn’t want to let on that she had a kink directly related to what she did for a job, especially to someone who worked with her.

 She felt each foam electrode, the wet gel of the sensor slightly cooler, as Carl gently placed each of the five electrodes. One on each shoulder, one on either side of her slim and toned stomach, and one just beneath her bra, nestling under her right breast. She supressed a slight shiver. Not the time! She mentally shouted at her kinky side.

 “Sorry, forgot to turn the heating up.” Carl said softly, arranging the leads to a point near her shoulder before folding the bathrobe back over her chest. She opened her eyes to look at him, but he was switching on the monitor. He’d turned the screen away from her and silenced the beeping. “Think of somewhere relaxing, OK. A beach or a nice warm bath. Forget the monitor. Forget I’m here. Just tell me when you feel totally relaxed.”

 Anna closed her eyes. She pictured a beach, just like Carl had suggested. Golden sand, beautiful blue sky and crystal-clear water. She ignored the kinky monkey that was howling to be let out. “Ok.” She whispered, when she felt totally relaxed. Carl didn’t respond. Minutes seemed to pass in near silence. All she could hear was her own breathing.

 “Damn…” Carl had breathed the word, it was barely even a whisper. Anna’s eyes snapped open, icy cold fear flooding her veins. He was transfixed by the monitor, an unreadable look in his eyes.

 “What is it?” She asked quietly, the fear creeping into her voice. Carl seemed to jump slightly as he realised she was there.

 “It’s beautiful.” His eyes wideneing as his mouth overtook his brain. He turned to her. “I mean…” The virgin school boy had abruptly returned. “It’s fine. Seriously.” He cleared his throat, and Doctor Carl was back. “QT interval is slightly prolonged, but still well within normal bounds. That’s easily explainable, given the day you’ve had. Other than that, your heart is perfect..ly fine.” Anna almost missed the little stumble, but Carl carried on before she could think about it. “A stress test or event monitoring would maybe be needed to be 100% certain. But from what I’m seeing, your heart is great. I don’t think you have anything to be worried about.”

 Anna let out the breath she didn’t know she had been holding. A flush of relief coursed through her, tense muscles relaxing into the soft bed. Carl said something, but she hadn’t been paying attention “Huh?”

 “Do you want to see?” He asked again.

 Anna laid there, immobilised by the question. The internal war restarted with a vengeance. No. What if he can tell we’re into it? We can’t risk it. He’ll think we’re a freak. Better to just say no, pretend it never happened. While the rational voices were arguing, Kinky Anna, who wanted nothing more than to be lying on a trauma bed, took the controls. She huskily breathed out a single word. “Yes.”

 Carl gave that odd cocked head look again, but there was a lighter note to it, almost like hope. He reached up and grabbed the handle on top of the monitor, slowly turning it around. It was a painfully slow second as the monitor turned, the LCD hard to see until it was facing her.

 And there it was. Her heart, or it’s electrical activity at least, bouncing gently across the screen. A perfect waveform, P, Q, R, S and T, all present and correct, even if T did lag behind by a few milliseconds. She watched as the monitor traced the beat, visualising what her little life pump was doing underneath her ribs. “Holy shit.” She breathed, transfixed much like Carl had been.

 Kinky Anna had escaped her cage and was now running the asylum. She could picture herself on that trauma table, Carl’s hands pressing on her chest between defib pads and ecg electrodes. A tube down her throat, with a bag filling her lungs. The rough squiggle of v-fib on the monitor. She saw her heart skip on the monitor, felt the thunderclap of the compensatory beat. Heard the alarmed beep from the monitor as it registered the PVC. And she didn’t care. Her hand drifted towards her panties. And then Carl shattered the daydream.

 “You’re into it too.” His voice was almost choked, like an actor receiving an Oscar they didn’t expect.

 Anna gasped as reality slammed back. She realised she’d shown the most personal part of herself. The part of herself that she had barely even acknowledged. The part of herself that she had buried time and again. It was revealed. Thousands of voices shouted in her head, screaming alarm bells. Some wanted to run. Some wanted to just die right there and then. Then one voice rose above them all, like King Kong bellowing from atop the Empire State Building. TOO! HE SAID TOO!

 Anna was trembling as she tore her eyes away from the monitor to look at Carl. The sandy haired doctor was grinning from ear to ear. She couldn’t speak. Her mouth was moving, but no words were coming to her mind. After a few seconds of embarrassing slack-jawedness, she simply nodded an affirmative.

 Carl seemed to transform, the clenching tension that had infused him since their conversation on the staircase disappeared. In it’s place he became energised. “I never thought I’d find anyone else, not a real person. Not someone I can be myself with, both the professional and the other side.” He was practically buzzing with excitement. “I was so scared. I knew I might blow it, show myself and scare you off. But you were so scared. The Love of My Life, terrified. I couldn’t just palm you off on some random doctor, make you wait days for an appointment. Not when I had everything I needed to…”

 He was silenced as Anna’s lips crashed into his. It was a breathless, chaotic, sensual, lustful, gentle kiss. Like nothing either of them had ever shared with someone before. A kiss that joined two completely bared souls, open and accepting with nothing left to hide. And then, with heavy breathing on both sides, and the frantic beeping of the monitor as it registered a rapid heart rate, they parted, gazing into each other’s eyes.

 “I love you too.” Anna whispered, the monitor going quiet as her heart settled. Carl smiled. A boyish grin. Not the dazzling yet cultivated smile he often used as part of his Doctor McDreamy repertoire. A real, honest, boyish grin that dazzled her more than the manufactured smile ever could. The monitor confirmed the effect of that grin, beeping again as Anna’s heart raced and skipped for that smile.

 Carl stood, taking Anna’s hand and helping her up from the bed. “There’s something you should see.” He started to move, abruptly stopping to grab the monitor, it’s built in battery allowing it to continue showing the amazing pattern of Anna’s heart. He took her hand in his spare one, letting the ecg wires trail across in front of him, then led her toward the walk-in wardrobe.

 She’d been inside it before, a spare set of her own scrubs was hanging at one end of the rail that ran along the left wall. Racks for shoes sat beneath a mirror at the far end. Drawers lined the right-hand wall, coming half way up, creating an integrated dressing table between the back wall and the cupboard nearest the door. It was the cupboard that Carl stopped at. Anna had never seen it open, hadn’t even tried it just out of curiosity. She hadn’t even noticed the keyhole, though it stood out clearly with the key still in there.

 Carl took a deep breath, setting the monitor on the table where they could both see it at a glance, then pulled on the handle of the cupboard. He stepped back out of the way, letting Anna see inside.

 The cupboard had three shelves, over a large space. It was the kind of cupboard you would use to store your luggage and other items for vacations. Stuff you wouldn’t need on a daily or even monthly basis. Carl’s cupboard was not filled with luggage and holiday clothes.

 It was like a store cupboard from the Resus Ward. Beneath the shelves, was a real crash cart, she could see the slight outline of dust that matched the monitor perfectly. A solid CPR back board leaned against the wall.

The three shelves were packed. Ambu-bags, still in sterile packaging took up half of one, surrounded by boxes, which on closer inspection were various types of ecg electrode. A pair of Zoll AED’s sat on another, one clearly marked training, along with various types of pads. She could see basic Stat-Pads, alongside the distinctive Z-pad. There was even a pair of hard black paddles, with tubes of gel and packets of gel pads.

 The third shelve was cluttered with airway supplies. ET tubes, guedal airways and laryngeal masks were roughly stacked beside a laryngoscope case, along with rolls of tape and every kind of tube holder she had seen. Hanging from hooks on the wall were a few stethoscopes and ECG cables with various numbers of leads.

 Even Kinky Anna was struck dumb by the sight of all her fantasies in one simple cupboard. The monitor was bleeping again. She waved at it dismissively, Carl understanding and hitting the silence button, even though he kept one eye upon the screen, watching Anna’s heart race.

 She spent over a minute taking it all in. It was perfect. Truly and totally perfect. Part of her wanted to grab everything and play with it now. “Where did you get all of this?” She asked, not taking her eyes off the stockpile of her dreams.

 He stepped close behind her, stooping slightly to wrap an arm around her waist. “Most of it is out of date. Consigned to training only bins. You volunteer to run a course you can take as much as you need with no problems, there’s always plenty left. Other things are broken.” He indicated the hard paddles. “Some of them are samples.” His arm shifted to the airway shelf. “When the supplier reps want to get into your pants, they’ll give you a whole case for free. And before you ask, no, never.” He waved at the stethoscopes. “Those were mostly gifts.” Anna nodded, noticing one of them was a novelty version with a ‘sexy nurse’ on the bell. “That came from the refurb at an old job.” He was pointing at the crash cart. “And some I bought myself.” He nodded at the monitor, a flashing light indicating that Anna’s heart rate was still over 100. “That’s real though” He pointed to the non-training AED. “Fully working. In case someone in the building needs it.

 “So, nothing illegal?” She asked, looking up at him. She wasn’t really bothered, but police knocking on the door would certainly put a downer on any future activities.

 Carl shrugged his shoulders, his face wincing slightly. He reached down to the crash cart, pulling open a drawer labelled drugs. It wasn’t full, only a few cases, but most of the major code blue drugs were represented along with some local anaesthetic. Nothing that was overtly dangerous though. “I guess, technically. I wanted to be prepared. In case things went too far.” He was pointing to the Epi and other code drugs. “And that was for if I ever found someone who wanted to play with them.” He pointed between the local anaesthetic and the airway supplies.

 She nodded. “Ok then. At least if I do drop dead you can get me back.” She said, before planting another kiss on his lips.

 They broke apart, the monitor no longer flashing. Anna felt slightly giddy, like a kid in a candy shop. But she caught sight of the clock on the far wall. It was past 10 pm already and they were back in for another 12-hour shift at 8AM. She sighed, leaning into Carl, his strong arms wrapping around her. “I wish we could play with it all right now.” She murmured. She felt Carl’s chest swell as he took a breath to reply. “But.” She cut in, leaning back, twisting her nose. “I think you need a shower.”

 He laughed, a deep rumble that reverberated around the wardrobe. He tried to pull her back in, but she squirmed away, giggling. “Fine. As the lady commands, though I may need to be bribed.” He leaned forward, pursing his lips.

 Anna pecked them, fighting to keep the grin from her face. “Damn right.” She whispered.

 “Tomorrow night though, you’re under the Doctor’s orders.” He said retreating towards the door, his eyebrows wiggling as he saw the words hit home on the monitor. And then he was gone from view. Anna sagged against the dressing table, pinching herself. She wasn’t dreaming. Her face split into a grin. She wondered if she would ever sleep at her own apartment again.

 She heard the bathroom door close. She looked in the cupboard again, marvelling for a moment, then reached out to the stethoscopes. There was only one choice really. She draped the steth around her neck, a ‘sexy nurse’ settling over her left breast. She picked up the monitor, returning to the bedroom.

 Once the monitor was back on mains power, she re-arranged the pillows to a sleeping formation. Then she shrugged out of the dressing gown, draping it over the stool, casting her bra off to join it, and settled onto the bed, lying on her side. She watched the trace bouncing across the screen, her own heart, beating steadily and healthily. Without the fear of getting caught and admittedly too tired for a fantasy, the regular spikes became soothing.

 She inserted the earpieces, holding the cool bell of the stethoscope between her hand for a few moments. She saw the monitor rate increase as she brought the bell down to her chest. This, she had done before. Each lub-dub of her heart was a perfect beat, slowing steadily as the initial thrill faded. It was like a child’s favourite lullaby, luring her to sleep, with a soft whoosh whenever she breathed.  She moved it from point to point, holding it on her ribs, or pressing it up against her breasts. hearing the slight differences from each part of her chest.

 Each thump in her ears matched the trace on the monitor, a soothing rhythm that slowly mesmerised her. Soon the tendrils of sleep began to wrap around her. She didn’t try to fight the feeling anymore, her eyelids drooping as she drifted away into the sweet embrace of sleep.

 She barely even noticed when Carl left the bathroom, not seeing the soft loving smile on his face. She only smelled the sweet spicy scent of his shower gel as he nestled in behind her. He softly eased the steth out from under her head, taking the bell as his arm folded around her. A smile of her own crossed her lips as he moved it around, listening to her heart in all the same places. Her eyes slid shut, the imprint of her heart on the screen lingering in her mind as she slipped into a contented sleep.

***

Hope you all enjoy this as much I enjoyed writing it.

Now, I could use your help. I’ve got plenty of scenrios in mind for our pair of resus-love-birds to tackle, but can’t decide on which one to do next. So, I figured I’d put it to a poll. The options are:

A: A ferry accident on the cold river.

B: A body dump at the hospital.

C: A hit and run car accident.

I’ll give it about 12 hours, to strike while the iron is hot and keep providing you all reading material.

Also, any suggestions for names of this whole series would be appreciated. Everything I can think of sounds cheesy or a rip off of an existing tv show.

***

Collected link for Barista’s Bad Heart:

https://intubatedangel.tumblr.com/post/183863814312/baristas-bad-heart-collected-links

#resus writing #cardiophilia #cardiophile #hearts #medical drama #cpr #defib

[pokimoko]

STEVEN UNIVERSE: THE MOVIE - Personal Commentary

I wrote this to send to a friend, but I decided I might as well post it on here. I did a large portion of this while I was watching the movie, but I did go back and improve on some parts after I was finished, so forgive the inconsistent tenses. I apologise for the length as well, which is a result of me getting completely carried away and analysing a lot of the movie (I bet my English teachers are cheering). Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy my personal thoughts on the Steven Universe movie. (Also, spoilers if you haven’t already watched it.)

- The opening....wow. Not only is it pretty but it's just so dramatic. It reminds me quite a bit of old fashioned Disney musicals (I’m guessing that was their intention). Even the layout of the credits are giving me that vibe. But especially the music. Very fairytale-esque.

- 16 year old Steven, yeah booiii! Now he’s only a few years younger than me. I do like his older voice and design. Bet Zach Callison is relieved that he doesn't have to pitch his voice up high anymore. And I personally really love the pan flag colour scheme of his new outfit. I wonder if they’ll keep it for the season(s) following the movie.

- Aww, the Diamonds are learning. Sort of. They’re maybe just a tad clingy, but that's still improvement. I really love how Steven Universe never makes the 'villians' completely evil, only misguided, and that everyone is capable of changing their ways. Such a great message. (Edit: Ooohh, I unintentionally called what I'd say is the moral of the movie. Noice.)

- Naaww, Steven and Connie are so cute. Steven's happy little grin after the kiss was just adorable.

- Oooh, I like the 'Here We Are in the Future' (Edit: 'Happily Ever After') song. It just shows how much they've all grown over the course of the series. And it’s a great way to recap the journeys of each of the original Crystal Gems to the audience.

- "PEW PEW" Yeesss. I love their handshake. And oh my god, he really is so tall compared to Amethyst now.

- Oh my god, they're reenacting the running sequence from the opening. Love me a parallel. Just shows how far they’ve all come.

-Okay, why do the 'bad' guys in musicals always get such cool songs? Spinel's song was so catchy. Now I'm super curious about her relation to Pink Diamond. Oh cool! A scythe. That's awesome.....AH! Okay, nevermind. Nooo.

- 'Losing your powers' angst. I love it (yes, I know, I'm terrible).

- Greg: "Holy shhhhhheee really got everybody" Me: 😏 I see what you did there.

- Steven: "I have no idea what's going on." Greg: "Well now you know how I feel most of the time." Greg is so relatable sometimes. Kindly stop being my spirit animal, sir.

- AHHH! They've all been reset. Craaappp! And I was just going on about growth and everything! But I'm excited to see what happens because I love angst, god damn it. It always helps to make the happy ending all the more satisfying. (And...admittedly, the amnesia narrative device has always been a guilty pleasure of mine. I’ve always enjoyed how it allows you to so clearly see how a character has evolved over time and how much their experiences have defined their identity.)

- "Something is clearly wrong," Pearl sings happily and bug-eyed. Excellent and relatable. That's how I react to most things in life, honestly.

- "I could have lost all of my character development." Ha! Never subtle, are you Peridot? But also nooooo, not Peridot. Don't you dare touch her. She's grown so much and I love her dearly (and also Lapis' top notch dark humour. Perfect.)

- Sad song reprise is sad. I totally understand what Steven is feeling too. Things you’ve gotten so used to (hell, maybe even become dependent on for your emotional welbeing) can disappear so quickly that it can be quite a whiplash to have it gone, so it's completely normal to struggle to accept it, and to yearn for what you had not so long ago.

- Bismuth saying “We are the Crystal Gems” has watered my crops and cleared my skin. And I love her singing voice; the roughness in some parts suits her character so well.

- Rupphire Rupphire RUPPHIRE GAAAARRRNNNEEETTT, yiissss! Wow the fusion animation is really awesome. It's like a behind-the-scenes on how it works from their perspective. But I love how the two of them fusing together doesn't fix Garnet's memories or make her exactly how she was before losing them. Garnet isn't just an experience; she's also a product of her experiences.

- Lil' trumpet salute! Naww, Pearl, that's adorable.

- ....is Onion....immortal? He still looks exactly the same. 😟 I'm unnerved by that child and whatever power he had.

- Oooh, tap dancing. I love tap dancing! Even if Steven is wearing sandals while doing it. Oh boy, I love the friendship between Amethyst and Steven. It's always been one of my favourite things in the show. It's kind of like the sibling interaction I've always wished to have myself: supportive and wholesome. And I also love how their fusion shows that platonic and familial love is just as powerful as romantic love. Oh, YAY Amethyst is back! Like I said, friendship is a powerful thing.

- Oh my god, Steven and Greg are going to fuse. Ahhhh! Oh wow, it's basically Elvis with a six pack! Hehehe, so weird. But not bad either. And, oh wow, what a great song! Individuality is my kink.

- The ANGST is making me feel emotions. Steven looks so ragged, and the high pitched whining in his ears definitely added to that. And having felt that terrible myself a few times, I know how much it frigging sucks. And just like him I brushed other people's concerns off, so I'd be a hypocrite to tell him to take care of himself. (But I am a hypocrite. Take care of yourself, Steven!)

- Yep, here's the tragic backstory to make me sad about Spinel. Hit me where it hurts why don't you. Gosh, Pink Diamond really did some messed up things when she was younger (but thankfully she evolved from that and changed to become Steven). Leaving someone behind without giving them closure or even a reason would mess someone up for sure. You'd feel completely worthless. And unfortunately, being noticed for any reason⁠—good or bad⁠—is generally a way to cope with that feeling. Spinel is doing what she can to deal with what Pink did to her, and that unfortunately involves lashing out and hurting others.

- The 'True Kinda Love' song! Knew it'd turn up at one point. Knowing the context makes it so much better too. And hell yeah, Garnet is back!

- Blood? On this Christian Server? It's more likely than you think.

- “This is the story of my life.” Ahh! Steven's just a kid, and he's gone through so much. But, I gotta say, he is absolute proof that having a rough childhood and being a flawed person in the past (*cough* Pink Diamond *cough*) doesn't condemn you to being a wicked person forever. Anyone, regardless of their circumstances and experiences, can be a good person. Your early years don't define your identity or what will become of your future.

- Spinel: “When you change, you change for the better. When I change, I change for the worse. I used to be just not good, just not good enough for Pink. Now I'm not good at all!” Damn. That's powerful. Trauma can be such a difficult thing to overcome, and some people lose their way in their attempt to leave it behind. Sometimes, though, growing doesn't mean changing yourself and erasing the past; sometimes it means accepting the parts of your past that made you who you are now. Showing the importance of past experiences through the Crystal Gem's recovery of their identities is such a smart way of showing this concept to the audience. Such a great analogy. Now, let's hope Spinel can accept that though she has been changed as a result of her trauma, that doesn't make her ‘bad’ or unworthy of love (because that’s just not true!)

- “There's no such thing as happily ever after”. Sad but true. And also turning the whole Disney vibe the movie began with in on its head. Very smart.

- Steven: “I'll always have more work to do”. Then, Spinel: “I've got work to do. Friendship isn't going to be easy for me. I'm gonna have to work at it”. Exactly. That's how it is. ‘Happily ever after’ is a stagnant concept, and staying the same person for the rest of your life isn't healthy. And deciding to work towards improving yourself can sometimes be the hardest step to take when it comes to overcoming trauma. But change can be good; you should always keep working on improving yourself, no matter how comfortable you are with who you are and where you're at. Evolution is a part of living.

- Ooooh, White Diamond got sassy. She even has the hand gestures down. She’s making up for all the years she spent T-posing.Good for her.

- Oh my gosh, the focus on the Diamond's hands! Instead of destroying, their holding a hand out in a gesture of friendship. Seriously, that's frigging growth. That's such a cool parallel too. Rebecca Sugar and her crew are just brilliant.

- I'm so glad the Diamonds got someone to love and help them through their grief, and Spinel got someone to love her unconditionally, regardless of the flaws she thinks she has. They all got someone to help them heal. That’s wonderful.

- “I can make a change.” 👏Yes👏you👏can! That's your superpower.

Damn, that was so wonderful! I've always loved the message of personal growth, and the movie did it so well. In my opinion, Steven Universe has always been great at analogies to explain real life things (ie. Malachite being a metaphor for toxic relationships) so I really like how they used to amnesia narrative device to show not only how much someone can change and grow over time, but also to show it's our experiences, good and bad, that shape us as a person. Lots of people have traumatic experiences in their life that can inadvertantly shape a lot of their personality, and it can be hard to leave that behind, especially if so much of your identity is dependent on those experiences. Sometimes they can lead us to becoming ‘bad’ people, but they can also help make us good people too. Just look at Steven! He was able to accept his past traumas and use them so as to help others heal their own. 

Trauma isn't something you can erase without erasing a large part of your identity. It can be tough to live with, nonetheless. Sometimes, like Spinel, you just need a helping hand in accepting the scars life has given you; to help you grow beyond it and maybe even eventually be able to help others who are going/have gone through similar experiences.

And there's no shame in trying to be better and failing over and over again. At least you are trying. Because trying to be good against all odds, against the whole world doing its best to destroy you, shows just how strong you really are.

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Sorry for getting flowery (and maybe just a tad projective). As you can see I just really like the moral of the movie, as well as pretty much every other aspect. I'm sure there's a lot of little intricacies I missed, but this is what I took from my first viewing of it. And these are just my opinions; you might have got a whole different vibe from the movie. You are completely welcome to add you own thoughts and improve upon mine (because I am by no means an expert).

So, to summarise my own thoughts on the movie, I’m just going to say: Personal growth for the win!

#steven universe #su #su spoilers #steven universe: the movie #steven universe: the movie spoilers #commentary #personal #opinion #positive #garnet #pearl #amethyst #pink diamond #white diamond #lapis lazuli #peridot #greg universe #tw: trauma #discussion of trauma #analysis #postive #i use the word 'just' way too much and start a lot of sentences with conjunctions and for that I apologise #any mistakes are my own