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what-if-nct · 3 years

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Hi so shitty Catholic school anon is back! But this time it’s with weird things male teachers have said/done or things said about male teachers. TW: self harm, anorexia, sexism, racism, slavery, pedophilia, gender stereotypes.

So recently we had a lesson on self harm and there was one part where we had to say if a certain thing was true or not. So for example if self harm is attention seeking or if it mainly effects certain groups of people. One of the things was “self harm improves a person’s self confidence” and a male teacher said it did and that it is also attention seeking. He said that many people do it for attention and to make them selves look better. He then went on to talk about anorexia and said that lots of ballerinas have anorexia and “that is why they are so pretty” and also said that girls that don’t have anorexia or aren’t skinny are typically less attractive. Which is kinda really f-ing creepy and a horrible thing to say to anyone, especially a room with about 30 females in or 30 people in with female bodies. It’s creepy and disgusting. But I think he is getting fired because people walked out and were made to write statements about it which is a similar thing to what happened with another teacher that got fired.

So basically, we had a substitute teacher for a lesson in Geography about Mumbai. He started off talking about Mumbai but was saying very stereotypical things. We hadn’t actually properly started the lesson though because he didn’t give us the work or start talking about the parts of Mumbai which we were supposed to be talking about. He then somehow got to racism and the BLM movement. He said that he did not understand why it was black lives matter and not all lives matter. We tried to explain that all lives do matter but we need to focus on black people and what they had experienced. But he went on to say that white racism and white slavery exists too and that “it’s just as bad”. In the front row there was a person who is black and he constantly used them as an example. I was sitting next to them and the teacher would constantly point to them or go up in their face. The person who is black tried to give an example of racism that they face and he said that the same things happen to him too. They said that police officers often came up to them, assuming that they were criminal or a bad person just because they are black. The teacher then said that he had only once before had a police officer come up to him and it was because he had a red jacket and that a criminal who they saw on camera had a similar jacket. The person who is black was stopped by cops multiple times because of just their skin colour. The teacher who is white was stopped by cops once because they had a similar jacket to someone. And then when people said that worse/more things have happened to black people just because they are black than white people he started talking about the battle of Hastings. He tried to compare a fight (that from my knowledge doesn’t have anything to do with racism) that happened in a few hours a thousand years ago to all the horrible things that have happened to black peoples over centuries and still today. People had tried to get him to stop and to teach the actual lesson but he refused. A teacher next door came in and asked us if we were okay and what we were doing. Everyone in the class said that we weren’t okay and that we weren’t doing what we were supposed to but the substitute teacher said that we were discussing transport in Mumbai and that we had been doing that all lesson. And when he left we started actually doing the work but he soon started talking about white slavery and then tried to make it better by saying that the Conservative party is much better than the Labour Party. There was no need for him to say any of that and no need for him to force his opinions into us. Luckily, he was fired.

The next thing I don’t remember well since I never actually was taught by this teacher and it happened in my first year at the school. Basically a teacher had sex with either a year 11 or sixth former. So she would have been 15-18 years old at the time. He was also rumoured to be touching the older girls weirdly. He was soon fired.

A similar thing happens with another teacher who is currently still at the school. His downstairs often gets ‘happy’ whilst teaching and he leans over onto students often. I don’t know if this is predatory behaviour or not but it most definitely makes people uncomfortable. He is a substitute who works at the school and I’ve had him for many lessons. In one of my first lessons with him (when I was 11), he leaned over me and I could feel his stomach on my back and it soooo uncomfortable. Still, I don’t know if it an actual concern. But in my first ever lesson with him, me and my friend was annoying each other and kind of like just poking each other a lot. He could’ve just told us to stop but instead he decided to say that we were holding hands. This freaked me out cause at primary I was bullied/treated differently for the last 2-3 years for being not straight. It also started rumours that I wasn’t straight, which freaked me out more.

Next teacher~ Is still at the school and he is actually good teaching compared to the other teachers I’ve mentioned. But he’s said some weird things. Mostly some random stereotypical comments such as “women are typically more sensitive” and that “women take longer to get ready” and that “women are concerned too much about their appearance and wear too much makeup”. But in every lesson I had him, he always looked at people’s skirts. At my school there is a heavy focus on wearing skirts and that they must be below the knee and it gets mentioned at least once a day and always at assembly. Despite this many people would still roll up their skirt. Immediately when you walked into the classroom, he would look at your skirt and tell you to roll it down. When you walked past him in the corridors, he would do it too. And sometimes he complained saying that whenever he walked upstairs he was not able to look up because he would see a “girls knickers or butt or thighs” and so he had to look at the floor or walls instead. Why is he looking in that area anyway?! He shouldn’t be looking in that area at all even if their skirts are rolled down. I was never in this lesson but apparently he also started talking about how he thought abortion was bad.

Next thing is just how much the school puts an emphasis on skirts below the knee. And they say that it’s because “male teachers would feel uncomfortable”. It’s not us who should change it’s the male teachers then. Whilst doing online lessons a teacher (who is female) said that we shouldn’t have any underwear or certain clothes in the background because it would make “male teachers uncomfortable”. I understand why they don’t want us to have things like that in the background but why only talk about male teachers. At least why not say that it makes teachers in general uncomfortable or other students uncomfortable. But no it’s back to please change yourself or what you are doing because you will be treated weirdly by adult men even though you are a child and it’s their problem.

Anyway sorry about that. I kinda just wanted to rant again. Sorry if it made you feel uncomfortable. I hope you are having a good day and you aren’t near any creepy dudes. And if you are, I am very happy to bosh the creepy dudes. Bye bye~

Hi! Okay so every last one of those teachers are horrible and shouldn't be around children. Absolutely horrible. And the teacher who is putting his ya know that close to students is one hundred percent doing it on purpose and its disgusting, men know when they are visibly excited its just gross that he would even do that. And you were understandably uncomfortable, no teacher should be that close to a student. I am so sorry you were put in that situation. Really all of those teacher should be penalized. And seriously dress codes sadly aren't for the male students, but the teachers. A male teacher shouldnt be there if a minor's shoulders or legs are distracting. An adult man shouldn't be even looking up the skirts of teenage girls, you wouldn't even see anything if you weren't purposely looking, It's horrible. And why are young girls forced to change because a grown man can't control himself. I had went to a counselor's office in a kind of short skirt and she asked if I had any appropriate clothes or she couldnt send me to a male psychiatrist she'd have to find a female psychiatrist.....what the hell kind of sense does that make. If you can't trust a man with a young girl in skirt why is he even there?? Ugh it's absolutely disgusting. It really is there problem, not the young girl's fault. It's okay vent all you want, i hope you have a nice day and stay safe. If a teacher ever makes you feel uncomfortable make sure you go to a teacher you trust. Byee🌸🌸

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awed-frog · 5 years

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I’ve seen a couple of explanations about why GoT changed so much and why the finale disappointed so many people, and I think they’re good ones. It’s true, for instance, that while GRR Martin worked forwards, building convincing characters and then letting them do whatever (which is going to be a problem for him, btw), the showrunners worked backwards (and did it very badly). But something that’s bothered me a lot and haven’t seen anyone mention so far is the narrative dissonance of The Iron Throne.

Basically, what this finale attempted was circular storytelling, which can be a beautiful thing when done right; what it ended up doing, however, was making it clear to us that in the end, you can’t escape your upbringing; who you were 100% determines who you’ll be.

(That’s hugely different from well-made circular storytelling.)

That’s why the characters who escape (narratively) unscathed are people like Sansa, who grew up adored in a loving household and becomes a version of what she’s been taught to be her entire childhood: the lady of the mansion.

Meanwhile, Jon never fully got over his ‘bastard’ upbringing: military success, camaraderie, the love of two remarkable women and the respect of entire armies – none of that could fundamentally change who Jon was on the inside: the bastard, the brushed aside orphan always on the margins of things. Arguably, that’s why he kept taking so many risks, and that’s why he always felt it was on him to fix whatever was fixable: because his life didn’t, in the end, truly matter to anyone. As a bastard, he had no true family, no name and no inheritance; and as a member of the Night Watch, of course, he had no future, in the sense that he could take no wife and father no children. Thus, Jon rejoining the Watch (what Watch, by the way? unclear) and disappearing beyond the Wall places him back where he was at the beginning: among the unseen, the unwanted and the unknown.

The same goes for Daenerys, who, despite atrocious sufferings and an iron-will determination, saw her entire character arc collapse back into the person she was apparently destined to be: the daughter of a madman, the fire and blood princess, the destroyer, the abused child who claws back and hurts everyone else because ‘they don’t love me, so they might as well fear me’. Because that’s what you learn from a life of abuse, isnt’ it? That it’s either love or fear that will keep you safe. And all along, GoT teased an end to that destructive cycle so many people are trapped into IRL – through her kindness, empathy, profound sense of self-worth (problematic in some ways, but also a miracle in itself for someone who was raised to be sacrificial cattle) and her courage, it seemed that Daenerys would learn that you can trust yourself to love others and be loved in return, even if you’re not sure what the feeling is; that you can choose to do the right thing even if it’s risky; that you can survive without turning into your abusers. But - lol, jk. All of that was undone, as it was undone for so many other characters: Sandor, who died in that fire he feared so much to kill a brother that should have meant nothing to him; Jaime, who was so close to letting himself become a better person; Bran, whose profoundly spiritual path was apparently preparation for the very mundane game of politics; Missandei, who died in chains; and Westeros itself, which is returned to its Baratheon state (a king who’s got no real right to the throne, a council that represents almost nobody, lords chosen for their loyalty to powerful friends, and all those brothels in King’s Landing which will soon reopen - and quickly be filled, no doubt, with poor, vulnerable women who’ve got no other choice).

Now, I mentioned narrative dissonance because – in themselves – the collapse of a character’s arc exactly back to the beginning and a complete inability to escape destiny are not bad writing.

What they are, though, is the very definition of tragedy.

(Laius is told his son will kill him – casts the baby aside, and still dies. Priam dreams his youngest son will doom Troy – casts the baby aside, and the city still burns. In the TV version, Arthur chooses to spare Mordred out of kindness - Mordred still kills him.)

Entire societies are or were shaped by the idea that you can’t, in the end, defeat fate and defy your heritage. It may be a gloomy worldview, but it’s a fascinating one, especially on a stage. We’ve all cried for Romeo and Juliet; we’ve all cried for Achilles. Sometimes, people fail; sometimes there’s no way out, and that’s the terrible beauty and fascination of the story.

The thing is, though: GoT is not a tragedy. It’s got a very clear happy ending: the two main villains of the season (the Night King and Cersei) get their comeuppance, and that is a direct message to the back of our brains - a very loud siren - signaling that all is now well. The quietly hopeful music and the cheerful group portrait of a bunch of rational and beloved characters working on further fixing the kingdom cement that subconscious feeling.

But this is where the narrative dissonance comes in. Characters like Daenerys, Jon and Jaime were a central part of the main cast: we rooted for them to make it, to survive, to succeed. In order to deny them a happy ending while not turning the entire thing into a tragedy, the show needed to change their status mid-story, and this is what it did. Jaime chooses to die for his horrible sister; Jon kills the woman he loves in the most treacherous, underhanded way possible; and Daenerys, of course (and most visibly, because women) becomes this unredeemable butcher of children.

So here is the distortion, and here is the dissonance. It’s cheap, and it’s worse than cheap: it’s badly made.

(There is not even shock value here - we’ve all seen this coming for a while now.)

No, this is just a story that can’t decide what it is, and unfortunately knowing what story you’re writing is the main rule for producing (good) fiction. GoT ends well, but it ends well by turning half its main characters into villains and thus implying they deserved what they got. This is why - on top of everything else, like the more and more overt racism - many of us are so frustrated and let down by the ending of a story they loved for years and years and years. Seriously, what a waste. Let’s hope someone up high learns from this, and decides to spend some of that lavish CGI funding they’re so generous with on a decent screenwriter instead.

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gay-country-fangames · 4 years

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please lets not be shitty

tws for talk of racism, eugen/cs, n*zis, slavery, genocide, etc. read at your own risk but please be aware this message is important. so this isnt specifically related to hetagames but its related to hetalia and i think its important that everyone hear it again just to be sure. im going to shelve my rabid persona for a minute because this is super important and a super serious thing.

making hetalia OCs or 2ps or personifying characters based off of problematic time periods from their history is not okay.

some examples include: -n*zi germany this is so wrong for so many obvious reasons everyone should know by now but for the sake of the post im gonna go into detail a lilbit. so many people were killed and both physically and mentally tortured during this time period, a large group being jewish people. during this time period german schools taught eugen/cs to their children which was a h i g l y racist concept. n*zis basically hated everyone that wasnt a blonde blue eyed ‘pure blood’ german. everyone else deserved to die according to them, and thats just.... not something that you make an anime boy about? like no. please. -civil war era america/the confederacy/the confederate states of america this one some people seem to think is okay for??? some goddamn reason??? no??? okay i know a lot of non-americans might not understand what exactly the civil war was so here we go heres a very watered down explanation. once upon a time there was slavery in america. we all know that. but at one point the public opinion shifted to thinking ‘hmm, maybe slavery is actually really fukin gross and bad? hey lets pass a law to ban slavery.’ and the southern states went ‘wait no we like slavery.’ and they went and said ‘this law would violate our constitutional right to states rights. we should be able to choose whether or not each state has laws against slavery!’ which is bs by the way they just wanted to keep owning slaves but they called it a violation of states rights so they could start a war over this shit. so then the south decided to form the confederacy and then they declared war on the north to try and break away n have their ‘right’ to own slaves. by the way this wasnt just a buncha racists fighting for their right to own people a lot of them also made their slaves fight in the war. so black people were being forced to fight for their own enslavement. lovely. spoiler alert they lost hella bad and the emancipation proclamation was signed which helped pave the way for black people to be free. the confederacy through its entire short life stood for nothing but slavery and racism and that is n o t something that its okay to make an anime boy out of okay please stop this.

-Communist Russia okay look. look. stop what youre going to say and read this. okay? okay. yes i know himaruya kind of wrote about this already. no that does not make it okay. hes human just like anyone else and hes realized his problems and faults and doesnt write that shit anymore. and even if he hadnt thats no excuse. even if he had kept making it that wouldnt make it okay. creators arent perfect and everything they do isnt automatically moral. popular people do stupid insensitive shit all the time and they have to be held accountable for it. anyway if you really need to be told why communist russia isnt good ‘uwu anime boy’ fodder then you really need to read a history book. but in short; genocide. mass starvation of their own people. imperialism. etc. bad shit. lets not.

-Mafia AU Romano okay this isnt really a time period perse but it felt like it belonged on the list so i put it on. its my list i can add what i want. so anyway ive seen southern italian people express blatant discomfort with this before, and from what i remember it stems from both racism and classism to a certain extend and thats just.... uncomfy. i get the appeal of a mafia au ok some people find crime hot but if its blatantly making people uncomfortable then id suggest you stop. other peoples comfort is more important than your fanfic. just make some generic crime lord au or summ instead idk it dont have to be the mafia all the time an it dont have to be romano all the time. if anyone who has a better feel for this wants to expand on it be my guest.

anyway im sure theres many more but these are the things i see the most. feel free to rb and add your own “please dont”s to the list. an before anyone gets on me about “why is this stuff bad but things like ancient rome arent” look ancient rome did about as much bad shit as england did but we dont all cancel mister arthur monster brows do we? the difference is these examples are narrowing a character down to one specific problematic period of their history (or in the case of the mafia thing one single small problematic part of the countrys history) and ancient rome represents the entirety of the countrys existance which did more than just imperialism and murder and shit. ok mun lei out now.

#hetalia #hetagame #hetalia fangames #Hetagames #hws hetalia #aph hetalia #aph #hws

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trillian-anders · 4 years

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amor de mi vida - 1943

pairing: bucky barnes x latinx!reader

warnings: racism, prejudice, fluff, angst

word count: 3800

description: Bucky Barnes is a sweet young Brooklyn boy, just on the cusp of manhood, a hopeless romantic that falls in love with almost every girl he sees. when he sets his eyes on a young girl fresh off the boat from Cuba he finds out how hard love can really be.

for @cake-writes 1940s challenge.

The apartment was quiet. Eerily so. The steady drip from the faucet that Bucky hadn’t gotten around to fixing, the commotion from the street below. All of it muffled behind the walls of your bedroom. Your marital bed with the thick duvet, fingers tracing the empty sheets beside you. The faint smell of his aftershave still on the pillow. You’d stopped crying days ago, but this space for the first time was empty.

Bucky filled the place in this little apartment where your Mother had been before. This was the first time in your life you were truly alone. No one to take care of, no one to wrap yourself around to take comfort. Alone.

But not really.

“We should go to the shore.” Winnie said over breakfast. The Barnes household wasn’t quiet. It wasn’t lonely. But there was an empty spot at the table. “We could go up to the Adirondacks. Rent a cabin?” George hummed in agreement.

“Here,” Suzy, “So what would you like to write?” The small desk crammed in between her bed and Becca’s. Sheets of paper laid out and an envelope already addressed to James Barnes of the 107th. You tugged your bottom lip through your teeth, unsure of what to write.

You’d written him a letter before, very painstakingly, back when you’d first started dating. And you’d written him many letters since he left with the help of Suzy, but they’re all so superficial. You talked about the weather, about a new fabric you’d gotten with his Mother. You told him how Steve had written to you saying he was alright, but you hadn’t seen him since the Stark Expo, but he swore to visit soon.

You told him that you missed him every minute of every day, but you didn’t tell him that you missed him wrapping his arms around your waist and singing love songs softly into your ear. You didn’t tell him that you missed those early morning kisses, sleepy and gentle. You didn’t tell him that you missed how he would playfully tug on your hair or how he would always bring you new flowers. You didn’t say that you missed how he would pluck one from the bouquet and place it behind your ear. You didn’t say that your body longed for his. The fire set in your core that made you long for one more time, just one more before he left.

You couldn’t. Not when Suzy was helping you write the letters.

“Tell him we are going on vacation.” You said. She handed you a pen, and taught you how to spell out the words. Eventually you’ll be able to do it on your own. You’ll tell him then.

“It’s so great.” Becca said from the back seat. “We all get to wear pants and I’ll show you the tree I love to climb, and then we can go swimming in the lake, and then…” Her voice rambled on and on. You sat in the passenger seat, Ginny next to you driving. Winnie and George were just ahead of you, toting Ruth and Suzy. “I wish Bucky was here.” She mumbled, almost to herself. Ginny’s hands noticeably tightened on the wheel.

“Me too.” You agreed, smiling on the now thirteen year old girl. Her face freckled, pimples had broken out on her forehead from her bangs, but it was just family. Winnie pinned them off her forehead for the week, telling her that it would help them go away.

Bucky’s absence was felt, but was somewhat soothed by the little package of letters that had just arrived the day before. One for Winnie, George, Ginny, Ruth, and Suzy. Two for Becca. And ten, ten letters for you.

He’d just finished basic training. They’d given him the letters they had withheld during the weeks before they took him out to Italy. The front lines, Suzy read to you. It made your stomach drop and your hands shake. The war was in Italy right now, the allies trying to take back the country from Nazi control.

In the margins of his letters were hastily scribbled flowers. Some had little poems, a book one soldier kept with him of love poems. One his girl had given him. One letter just had I love you written over and over a border on a letter that explained what he saw out there. The horrors of bombs going off in the middle of stone paved streets. Businesses that would never recover having their windows blown out.

The first death he ever saw happened that first week. He wrote about how the man who died just had a baby girl. They named her Judy.

Your hand rubbed Suzy’s back as she read that part. Her eyes sad, wet with tears for the passion in which Bucky said he couldn’t let this man’s death be in vain.

Winnie read you some letters too. Helping you sound out the words, on the porch of the cabin, the girl’s and their Father hanging up the tire swing, the cobwebs just swept from the house. A glass of wine in front of you as the love of your life’s Mother helped you read about how hard it was for Bucky to fall asleep without you. How the beds were so hard. He slept on the floor for the first time, aside from when one of the girls had nightmares. How he would lay on the floor next to their beds and talk to them until they fell back asleep, not leaving just in case they woke up and he wasn’t there.

“I never knew he did that.” Winnie smiled, “Oh goodness.” She sighed, leaning back in her chair, looking out on her girls and taking a sip of wine. “I never knew he did that.”

He described how beautiful some parts of the city were. Parts where war hasn’t reached. He talked about how they landed on the beaches of Sicily first and worked their way up. There was a small town, just outside of Rome they passed. It was as if nothing happened. The sleepy little town had been untouched by this war. He said he felt guilty walking through it. Like the mud on his boots was going to defile the cobblestones. Like it was bringing the war to disrupt the lives of these people who just wanted to keep on living.

I’m sorry, he kept writing, I’m sorry I had to leave. He said if he wasn’t part of the solution he’d just be part of the problem. The denial that it was happening. And he saw it happening. He talked about a camp they’d found. Ferramonti di Tarsia, he said. They were planning on liberating the camp, but they hadn’t figured out what to do yet. How to proceed.

That was the discussion at dinner.

The war.

Fresh fish that George and Ruth had gone out this morning and caught lay filet on the table, vegetables, roasted potatoes and white wine.

“The government isn’t saying much about it.” Winnie said, the United States government. Everyone knew that there was Jewish prosecution over there, but no one knew it was like this.

It wasn’t long after that newspapers started talking about them. Concentration Camps, POW camps. The real image of what exactly was going on in Europe.

You wrote to him, through Suzy, through Winnie. An attempt at comfort, and attempt to sympathize with the shedding of his innocence as he viewed how hard and cruel the world could truly be.

I don’t understand, he wrote, how someone could do this to another person.

The cruelty in which these people were treated, just for having different beliefs, just being different people, different values, while at the same time being very much the same as everyone else.

It was a somber dinner.

It was on a boat in the middle of the lake that George Barnes taught you to fish.

“I always enjoy getting away.” He said, “Just come out here with one of my girls, nice and quiet.” He had more grays since Bucky left, they were growing thick around his temples and in growing his beard on this vacation it mostly showed salt and pepper. He smiled at you, fixing the fishing rod into the little divot on the side of the boat. The lake was still. Not too far behind you the cabin sat still sleeping.

He seemed a little down lately.

Those private times Bucky had told you about. Those scars from the war. They were a little more open now in the crisp morning air. The fresh air of the mountains that were around you. The wrinkles around his eyes were more noticeable. For the first time since you’ve met George Barnes he’s looked truly old.

“Bucky hated comin’ out here.” He continues, “He’d get bored after the first half hour, wanna go back and sneak some of the bacon off the table while Ma was still cookin’.” Bucky had a habit of doing that. Sneaking bites, little pieces of chicken shredded on a plate, a string bean freshly snapped and crunchy in an empty pot ready to be cooked. A dip of his finger against the side of the bowl in some batter. Cakes, cookies, brownies, the dulce de leche you’d made for a Sunday dinner at his parent’s house got a double dip. First with his pointer, then with his pinky. A long kiss pressed to your cheek and a hum of approval.

“He’ll be okay,” George’s soft blue eyes meet yours, the same eyes that Bucky and Becca both had, “He’ll be just fine.”

It took practice, but the words were coming a little easier.

You could read on your own now, slowly, but still. Privacy helped.

Bucky pressed a daisy in between the pages of his last letter. He’d found it on the side of the road as his campaign shook the last official day of winter from their bones. The temperature is steadily rising. The cold winter nights on a hard cot gave way to summer sweat and he was finally able to sleep. It’s not so bad when you get used to it, he wrote.

He complained about the mud on his boots, how thick it would crust on. The rain had been endless in the spring. He wrote about how sometimes his boots would sink almost to his shins in the muck. How he would have to wait for it to dry before he scraped it off with a pocket knife.

The next letter had a crocus. Purple and pressed, the flower stained the page.

You wrote to him about how you’d seen someone who looked just like Steve on a poster in Manhattan. If Steve was a poster boy for a carved out all american man. They were calling the guy Captain America. They even started making short films. Becca had told you about going to see one with a classmate, she also thinks he kind of looks like Steve. He had sent you a letter, you told Bucky. Steve did. And she assumed he received one as well. He had gone to basic. Someone let him into the military. You hoped they put him behind a desk.

A picture came in the mail.

A picture of Bucky in his uniform. The kind of picture, you thought, and couldn’t help but think, would sit next to his casket.

It was on your mantle now.

“Cómo estás? [How are you?]” The noise startling. You fumbled with the keys in your hand, turning to look at him. Mateo. You hadn’t seen him much, he’d moved onto another girl, someone else to push around quite quickly after you. A guy like him didn’t stay single for very long.

In the early days of your relationship with Bucky you’d run into him in the hall. A bubbly girl wrapped around his arm. Someone young, younger than you, and too naive to see the man they were in love with was trouble. A girl that would get jealous and possessive when another girl looked at their man. You’d been on the receiving end of a glare or two, or five. But he never talked to you after that. Not until right now.

Your hand wrapped around a stack of letters fresh off the front lines.

A dish of leftovers in the fridge waiting to be warmed up and aching feet from walking in your heels up and down the streets of Manhattan under the guise of being Winnie’s maid or servant or however the department store clerks viewed you.

A day of shopping for a few new summer dresses. For the girls, and for you. Your new dress hung in a garment bag over your arm.

Now your heart was racing.

Mateo was close, a little too close for comfort.

“Qué deseas? [What do you want?]” You ask, fisting your keys tightly. The corner of his lips twitch.

“No puedo ver cómo estás? [I can’t see how you are?]” He was trying to act innocently, but you knew he was up to something.

“No,” Your eyes shift behind him to look down the empty hallway, “No puedes. [You can’t.]” You jam the key into the lock, twisting it quickly as he grabbed your arm.

“Relax.” He said, standing too close. Far too close. “Voy a la guerra mañana. [I’m going to war tomorrow.]” His chest almost flush with yours, hand tight around your arm. “Solo estoy buscando algo de consuelo. [I’m just looking for a little comfort.]” You roll your eyes, pushing on his chest to create some distance.

“Estoy casada [I’m married.]” You try once again to push him further from you, heart rate spiking.

“Él no está aquí. [He’s not here],” Mateo grumbles, “El nunca lo sabrá. [He’ll never know.]”

Locks clicked heavily as he yelled from the other side of the door. A white man’s whore. That’s what he called you. The garment bag tossed over the back of the chair Bucky liked to sit in to listen to the radio at night. The pack of letters clutched tightly to your chest as you sunk down to the floor, kicking off your heels. The next day you’d talk to Winnie and George about moving.

They helped you get a house.

Close to theirs, but it was in Bucky’s name. It was a ruse that had been worked out. Just make people think you’re the hired help so they weren’t calling the cops when a strange Hispanic woman was coming and going from a home on their street. The pursed lips and upturned noses didn’t talk to you, and that’s fine. That worked out for you.

The home was beautiful. Bought with your saved wages and Bucky’s military income. The dark hardwood and an eat-in kitchen. It needed a little polish. It was an older house, but the family was happy to help.

You polished the floors with Winnie. The girls helped you paint each room. George fixed the little things that Bucky would have had he been here. The leaky faucet, new knobs on the cabinets, a creaky floorboard or two.

Winnie stood in the doorway of one room. The one closest to the master, a wistful look on her face. “God willing this will be a nursery one day.” She said. And it made your heart ache. Bucky’s side of the bed was especially empty after that.

You wrote to him about the house, but you didn’t mention his Mother’s comment.

You wrote to him about the way the sun filters in through the kitchen window. How the house was much more quiet than the apartment. No loud neighbors arguing at 2 am. No thick scented mixed smell of dinner that took over in the evenings. No banging on the ceiling or floors. So quiet. So lonely.

You told him how you hung the dried peonies in bundles on the entryway in the kitchen. Another bundle near the front door. You could see them as soon as you walked in.

He wrote about how he couldn’t wait to see it. How he couldn’t wait to see you. How his missed you. How he looked at your picture every chance he got.

Italy surrendered to the allies. It was time to move on.

His letters stopped.

And so did you heart.

You sat in the middle of your bedroom floor. The letters in a box you kept under the desk in what would be the study if you ever got it set up. The box was in front of you now. Fingers shaking as you thumb through, rereading the loving words of your husband. Praying to God that he was okay. That maybe they were lost in the mail. That maybe he couldn’t find time to write right now. He was in the thick of the war after all.

It had been a particularly rough week. And that thick bundle of letters that seemed to arrive like clockwork on Thursdays was something you’d been desperately looking forward to. Someone had made a comment.

It wasn’t like you weren’t used to those comments. But it was from a friend of Winnie’s. You had gone to her house with a bundle of fabric, enough for a dress for you and Becca. One you’d promised to let Becca help with. It was there that one of her friend’s had come around for lunch. The two women chatted merrily in the kitchen while Becca was talking animatedly about what Bucky had written to her since the last time you saw her.

Something about the last Dodgers game. She kept him updated about scores and something about Curt Davis. But what rang clear as a bell from the other room, was Winnie’s friend saying, “You shouldn’t let your children get so comfortable with the help.” She then called you something you wouldn’t repeat. Casual. Like talking about the weather. But the worst part about it is that Winnie said nothing.

You realized something then, and you had this argument with yourself more than once. You love Bucky. You love his family. But there was always going to be this little line of distance between you and it all. When Bucky was around he seemed to bridge that gap.

You could imagine if he were here and heard that comment that woman would have met the door, but he wasn’t here. And she didn’t. Because as much as Winnie and George were progressive and believed in equal rights and desegregation, it wasn’t easy to speak out about it. Especially with the people they’ve known their entire life. It’s easier to let people think you’re the help. It’s easier for them.

And you couldn’t help but think they don’t mean it. Times are slowly moving forward and they’re not sure what to do with the change. How forward could they be? How open could they be about it without being exiled from the community they grew up in?

But you had been exiled. You had spoken out about your relationship with Bucky when you’d been confronted about it by some of the girls when you were at the factory still. And you defended him. They thought it fine for him to chase your skirt but once that ring was on your finger it was a whole different ball game. You chose to stand your ground. Dig in your heels, and only two girls and a friend of your Mother’s stuck by you.

It’s hard, but it’s what you have to do. And Winnie didn’t do it.

So here you sat, Bucky’s letters no longer arriving. This wasn’t like when you’d first moved in and had to go pick up your mail at your old apartment building. He wrote the new address on the recent ones. He couldn’t have mixed that up, but maybe? Tears smudged the corners.

You wouldn’t feel relief until letters showed up the week after. The horror of expecting men at your door to tell you that your husband was killed in action was squashed when a pack of letters arrived.

It was Steve on the posters, he wrote. Steve rescued him. He’d been captured, but he was okay. He didn’t go into detail. He didn’t say what happened, but just that he was okay. He apologized for scaring you, the letters you’d written him they’d given to him almost all at once. The last few frantic writings of please answer me.

You didn’t say anything about what happened with Winnie.

But you also didn’t go to the Barnes household for Thanksgiving dinner.

“Doin’ alright in here kid?” George came over with a glass dish. The gentle knock and enter that Dad’s do. You were writing Bucky, his old Spanish-English book tabbed and sat next to you at the kitchen table.

It wasn’t his fault. Nor the girl’s, but you couldn’t help but want to stay away. It sat heavy as a rock on your chest. You knew it wasn’t his fault, and part of you wanted to forgive Winnie. Maybe she was caught off guard, maybe she didn’t know what to say. But you couldn’t help but feel like she could have said anything and it would have been better than what she did. Which was say nothing.

“She’s been crying.” He said, “She knows you don’t want to see her.” George was a stand up guy. He’s the one who had been employing minorities in his shop. He’s stood up against some men that had shattered his front window in the beginning. He threw a bible in their face and called them all heretics. “She didn’t think that Lucille would ever say something like that, and I know that doesn’t make it right, but you know none of us feel that way about you.”

The glass dish had servings of everything from Thanksgiving dinner. A piece of pie wrapped in foil on top.

“I think the two of you should talk, it’s not good for you to be in this house all alone.”

Bucky wrote to you about the Howling Commandos. He sent a picture of him and Steve that sat on the mantle now.

I’ll Be Home for Christmas. It was a new song by Bing Crosby.

He wrote about how he heard it on the radio for the first time right before they left London. It would have been your first Christmas as husband and wife. This Christmas. He mailed home some trinkets he’d been collecting for you. A little eiffel tower. A hair pin he got in Italy. A box of tea and chocolates from the UK. He wrote that maybe the war will be over next year. Maybe next Christmas you’ll be together again and you can celebrate Christmas as a family.

Maybe.

taglist // @corneliabarnes @bookish-shristi @saturnki @jennmurawski13 @geeksareunique @albinotigerpython @cake-writes @iheartsebastianstan @000bananaclip000 @shadowbusiness @sprinkleofbooty @gifsbysimplysonia @vhsbarnes @loseralert @wendaiii @the-soulofdevil @tinmunky @alwaysbenhardysgirl

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #1940s #captain america #latinx!reader #latina!reader #steve rogers #sebastian stan #the winter soldier #the falcon and the winter soldier

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coelakanths · 4 years

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I'm so curious— my mom almost converted us to mormonism back when I was in elementary school because of her really nice coworker... If you would like to tell me things I will listen.

of course!

fair warning that this is my personal experience with mormonism and people are different in every ward! also this is all over the place and long bc im angry and very VERY glad that you didnt join lmao

i was born into mormonism- my parents grew up in it and both went on missions and were overall two very religious people. im not being hyperbolic or exaggerating when i say that mormonism is a cult. there are plenty of red flags from everything to controlling the inner parts of your life (the word of wisdom and modesty laws- more on those later) to making you pay to get into heaven (tithing).

i dont know too much about other religions/sects of christianity but im pretty sure that tithing, while it is a thing elsewhere, isnt as heavily enforced as it is in mormonism. the basic premise that they explained to me was that god gave you everything, so you can afford to give a little back (which is! super guilt trippy!!) and therefore you need to give ten percent of all the money you get to the church. they often say this goes to helping the homeless/building temples, and although it does, they also use it on giant malls and have about 2 billion in the bank.

you need to be a full tithe payer if you want a temple reccomend and you need a temple reccomend to get married in the temple and you need to get married in the temple (a good cishet marriage, mind you) to get into what mormons think is the highest part of heaven, the celestial kingdom.

there is a lot i could go into from here. a LOT. but i think one of the biggest and most disgusting things to me is the rampant racism in it.

there are many scriptures demonizing dark skin. i will let these speak for themselves. when we went over one such scripture during family home evening (an event happening on sundays or mondays most frequently to read scriptures as a family) my grandparents brushed it off by saying “..but thats obviously just a metaphor.” the racism is never mentioned. nobody ever acknowledges it, or the fact that black people were first allowed in the temple in the 1960s DUE TO SOCIAL PRESSURE. cannot make this shit up.

lets go onto sexism shall we!

modesty is a big thing in mormonism. young girls are taught (i was taught) that you need to cover up because boys cannot control themselves and need to keep their bodies pure so they can hold the priesthood. we were literally taught at ages as young as 8 that boys could not stop themselves from looking at our bodies.

some things that girls arent allowed to wear include: things without sleeves, things that show your midriff, and shorts that go above your knee (this one isnt enforced too much but is still a source of guilt). for eight year olds.

also! women are not allowed to hold the priesthood. priesthood is an essential part of mormonism. also also!! young women (12-18) meet together every wednesday for activities, same goes for young men. young men are taught life skills and camping tips, older boys go on things called high adventures where they get to go somewhere as a group and do a bunch of cool shit. young women sit inside and make crafts and are told about how to be good wives.

for lgbt issues, literally just look up elder oakes. i hate him with a passion. he deserves to rot. hes also extremely abelist and minimizes problems because “your body will be perfect in heaven.”

i could also get into how missionaries often prey on people in bad situations (recovering from addiction, after the lost of a loved one, etc) because theyre vulnerable and looking for safety and closure that they cannot get but thats a topic for another day.

and in less serious matters, the word of wisdom sucks. you cant have coffee or tea (even uncaffeinated tea is frowned upon, including most sodas. i have had coca cola once in my life and it was at a nevermo’s birthday party. felt guilty for weeks.) or alcohol. you also cant swear, get married if youre gay, be transgender, or break gender norms without being ostracized.

also! when youre eight you get locked in a room with a usually 40+ man who asks you questions about your sexuality, including invasive questions such as “have you been raped” and, if so, “did you enjoy it?” eight year olds. a man who spoke out against these questions was excommunicated.

so! tl;dr mormonism is much worse than people think it is and i am literally traumatized from growing up with this shit. it is sexist, racist, and extremely homophobic. run by old white pieces of shit. i hate it and you should too!

#this is a lot aldjsldjsl #long post #exmo #exmormon #apostate #this doesnt even cover it all #asks

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starrspice · 4 years

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Rose Quartz isn't a villain

Unpopular opinion. But here we go

This is My personal two cents. This isn't ordered well its kind of all over the place.

WARNING. ITS REALLY LONG

A lot of people (especially since the movie) have been acting and bashing Rose Quartz/Pink Diamond and acting as though she's the cruelest villain in the universe.

And here's why I don't think she is the ANTAGONIST (a person who actively opposes someone or something)

And furthermore why she falls in line as a VILLAIN ( a character whose evil actions or motives are important to the plot.)

As well as a HERO (a person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities)

Let's start with her thought process and behavior.

A big thing I see is people saying "HER ABUSE DOESNT JUSTIFY WHAT SHE DID SHES STILL A MONSTER" and it's true. Abuse doesn't justify terrible behavior but it does to some degree explain it. Pink diamond was abused by the other diamonds.

She was constantly punished for acting out, which she did not only for attention from the other diamonds (as she seemed to be left alone quite often ) but also to make them happy (which indicates that they usually are not) and bring the family together. Not only did she act out, but when punished, she was forced to say she's sorry and that she was wrong, for simply trying to make her family happy and feel less miserable herself.

Pink was basically trained to follow homeworlds rules and not to question anything. And was forced to live a life she hated.

Yes. A lot of what Pink did and HOW she acted is due to how she was raised by the diamonds.

Diamonds are taught that THEY are the leaders. All gems and other life forms are lower than they are. And while Pink did, in fact, realize that killing the planets was wrong that may very well be all she realized. Gems weren't made to fuse with other gems, or to rebel, or to find their own path in life. All of those were things introduced by the rebels. The only reason the diamonds are getting closer to behaving and thinking better than they used to is that they had GUIDANCE. Steven helped show them a better right and wrong. He's helped them work to become better people for 2 years. And one may argue that pink/rose had thousands of years AWAY from. her abusers to become better. But the big thing she didn't have was guidance. She didn't have anyone tell her that those things weren't ok. The gems couldn't tell her that because everything they were doing is new to them. They grew and developed as people but couldn't possibly understand a stronger sense of right and wrong since it had never been questioned before and they'd never been told anything except for "Diamonds know best so we never question them" if you listen to Rose's song love like you she REALIZES SHE WAS TERRIBLE but only because she finally had someone to show her how her way thinking was resulting in terrible behavior and causing problems. "I always thought I might be bad now I'm sure that it's true, 'cus I think you're so good and I'm nothing like you. " GREG WAS HER GUIDANCE but she realized that even if she tried to be a better person. Shell always has a bit of her old self. And she may very well think That's holding her back. But she knew that steven, someone surrounded by people better than she ever could be. And by a strong loving father to guide him and make him kind and considerate and the amazing steven we know and love.

I know a lot of friends who have dealt with abuse. And they go on to behave all kinds if different ways. But this show depicts 2 very different ways people can behave after a childhood of abuse. Pink ran off and made her own life, but didn't necessarily become better. She continued living as she had, not knowing her behavior was wrong because she had never seen anything else or been told that it was wrong. She acted how she was taught to act by homeworld, and as for the rebels, no one recognized how bad it was because they lived the exact same way. They were stuck and had trouble growing as people because they didn't know how to grow. Steven taught them. That's why pearl lives for herself now instead of rose. How Amethyst takes pride and lives with the support of her friends and family boosting her up. He taught garnet that it's ok to not know everything, and sometimes you just have to focus on what you can change rather than what you cant. He taught them that fighting doesn't always fix the problem. Pink didn't have a steven until she realized how much she truly loved Greg. How he was different from other humans because he taught her and was willing to overlook the mistakes of her past so he could help her future. Only at the end of her life did she learn that she was wrong, and selfish, and not a good person. The diamonds acted JUST like this. They all dealt with Whites abuse. And realized. They behaved wrongly. Steven showed them that. They had guidance. Yes. Some people can realize the fault in their behavior on their own. But some cant. The diamonds needed guidance to take steps towards being better. And they're still struggling to learn. But they have someone to help them. So they're trying to fix their mistakes. So yes. Pink diamond was a bad person. And she did a lot of what she did not only because of the abuse. But because of how she was taught to think. This is not to void her of fault or to excuse the things she did. But I feel like it's unfair to call her evil and cruel and heartless. EVERY SINGLE VILLAIN in steven universe has had some layer of depth of deeper reasoning for what they did. And even if you consider pink to be the real villain. The same goes for her. Evil is not inherent, just like all terrible thoughts and behavior patterns. Like racism isn't inherent, or bias or prejudice. These are behavioral traits that are TAUGHT. If a killer raises a child. That child may not think killing is wrong. Pink was raised where she was an important person who had a right to everything she wanted and her desires took priority. Once something didn't serve a purpose she was expected to get rid of it. And gems were treated like objects. They were used for walls, decorative statues. Even aquamarine said topaz was of no use to her. And was prepared to get rid of her. we know this is wrong but they don't. Not all of them anyway. Even the off colors thought they were in the wrong for being themselves. It's not as if she did all of this because she wanted to hurt those around her. She did everything how she did because she was taught to think that way or behave that way. We become the people we are through nature AND nurture. But one can have more sway on someone depending on their upbringing. Abd abusive upbringing like pink endured is bound to drill homeworlds ideals into her head that much more. Especially since she tried to go against the grain and was punished constantly for trying to save things and be better.

And a lot of complaints I see is that "if she tried to explain her feelings to the diamonds none of this would happen" but everyone seems to forget. SHE DID TRY. In the episode where ruby and sapphire split and pearl explains everything she shows that pink diamond DID try. But was scolded for it. And was ignored. Just like how white ignored blue and yellow. She used all her authority but it meant nothing. She felt trapped and took an out. She tried to make a change. It started a spark that leads to a rebellion. Gems thinking for themselves. Being themselves. She did do good things. She tried to leave as much good as she had. But she didn't really know good and bad. She is still responsible for her failures and actions. But it's so so SO wrong to just slap a label on her calling her pure evil like she WANTED to do all that damage. Its the same as calling someone a hero despite any terrible things in their past that may have lead up to that. It's fine to classify her as an antagonist because yes. She caused problems for the main character and everyone around them. But it's not ok to ignore the meanings and cause behind it. We all knew pink/rose wasn’t A good person. But it's not ok to belittle her and act like her suffering and upbringing played no part.

It just upsets me when people ignore the history of someone. And I repeat THAT DOESN’T EXCUSE HER ACTIONS but that doesn't mean its ok to label someone based on their mistakes. No. Rose isn't a good person. She didn't know how to be. But that doesn't mean shes a cruel villainess. It means she was hurt early on and never fully recovered.

People who come from abuse can rise higher than their oast and tey to be better. And sometimes they can get stuck in their past and never learn from it. But that doesn't mean it's from a lack of wanting to be better. They may just not know-how.

This explains pinks behavior. And why she isn't an ANTAGONIST. She wasn't ACTIVELY trying to harm anyone or ruin anything. She even REFUSED TO SHATTER GEMS. She had a semblance of right and wrong and what was too far, but that's as far as it went. Additionally, by the time the show takes place, Pink is gone and can no longer actively do anything against steven or the crystal gems.

So. My thoughts on Pink/Rose

Not a good person and not justified in her actions, but came off the bedside of an abusive childhood and was never taught better. Just because she's done a lot of bad things doesn't mean bashing her is ok. Try and think of it like real life. Not everyone becomes better after abuse. And not everyone has the influences and tools needed to become better after abuse. We learn right and wrong from the people around us, so what if no one around us knows proper right and wrong?

Not looking to argue and you can reply with your thoughts if you want. But that doesn't really mean ill respond (im sure ill be flooded with people telling me why I'm wrong lol)

I would go on but I feel like this is too long already

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my-halo-is-a-little-broken · 4 years

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I took this from my Facebook: I'm in a mood this morning so let's go and cover a few things! Now, I'm not black, so I may not be the most clear and concise about some of it, but damnit I'm gonna do my best on the points involving race. Also, if any of this offends you or some shit, don't even open your mouth, I don't have the patience to deal with you, stay quiet and ignore my page, or maybe even better yet, unfriend me!

White privilege: White privilege is real. I'll admit, there was a time a few years ago, I didn't think it was and I didn't understand what people meant when they said it. but now I do. and it's a real fucking thing. people need to grow up and shut the fuck up with their whining. we do have privilege just based off our skin and that needs to be recognized. We need to use that privilege to fight back and support the black community. if we don't use that privilege we are no better than the cops and others who abuse their power because we are staying silent while they do it. Silence only lends itself to the oppresser. Now, you may ask after reading that, what is white privilege? "White privilege refers to societal privilege that benefits white people over non-white people in some societies, particularly if they are otherwise under the same social, political, or economic circumstances." The most relevant example of this right now? Not having to fear for your life just because of your skin color when you get pulled over or stopped by cops.

Black lives matter: Now, I've seen some of y'all say "but all lives matter!" ...shut the fuck up. No one ever said they didn't, they're saying that black lives DO matter. All lives won't matter until ALL lives matter, and right now black lives espcially don't matter to a good amount people, which is why people are fighting to make them matter as they should. As the example that's been going around lately, take houses. Oh yes, all houses are important, but if one of them is on fire, it kinda makes sense for the firefighters to put out the fire at that house instead of spraying down all the houses, right? Some of you want to be oppressed so badly you scream "all lives matter!" or "straight pride!" (as another example). Be fucking thankful you don't need a movement just to be treated as a human being based on your skin. And it's not just about George anymore. He was the spark, the shot heard round the world this time. It's about all the black lives lost, it's about the years of racism, it's about the affects of slavery and segregation we still see today, it's about so much more.

Protests vs riots vs looting: Not all these people are the same. Protesting is included in our FIRST amendment, meaning that when the founding fathers were thinking of what they wanted, that's what they thought of first and as being the most important. The protesters now are marching for black lives and other things such as police reform. Many (most) of them are trying to stay peaceful! It's so widespread now because it's been ignored and shoved down before. So now they're taking to the big cities in mass, making it so they are HEARD! You wanna say they're inconvincing people or shit, well good. That's the point. Protests, even when peaceful, aren't meant to be comfortable. They are there to get a message across. Now, there's been cases of the protests turning into riots. Occasionally it has been started by the protesters. And that's because they're angry, and fed up with not being heard. I'll pull out an analogy a good chunk of y'all will understand, even if it's fictional. Remember in Hunger Games, when Katniss put flowers around Rues body, and District 11 started to riot? It's like that. These people are angry, tired, frustrated, and hurt, and they've been ignored when they've tried to be peaceful, so now they're doing what they KNOW will get attention. But despite this, most of the riots aren't started by protestors, especially POC ones. No, most of them are started by white people getting big heads and wanting to say "FUCK DA POLICE/AUTHORITY" or even the cops themselves. Most people that start destroying property are white, and usually black people try and stop them from doing it. And then you have the cops. Destroying medical supplies, firing rubber bullets and tear gasat peaceful protesters, physically pushing them, etc even when they have NO reason to. And before you cite MLKs peaceful protests, many of those ended with the cops setting dogs on the protesters or spraying with fire hoses or beating them with batons. And this leads to riots because it riles people up, they get even angrier. And then you have the looters. Most looters aren't even with the protests, and instead are trailing behind them to loot stores because they know the protesters will get the blame. Oh, and cops have been documented looting too.

Cops: now, this one is really touchy, but let's go and I'll try and articulate it best I can. There can be cops that do good for their community, have good intentions at heart, but here's the thing. Our justice system, especially the cop part, is corrupt in one way or another, and has many flaws. It needs fixed. These people may join with good intentions, but they are joininga system that is inherently bad. And before y'all want to try and start shit with me over this, I just took a semester long class over this. The system has racism ingrained into it's core, even if people don't realize it. That's why the current system needs dismantled and a new one that will actually do good needs put in place. There's so so so much that ties into it, such as better mental health treatments, community outreach programs, and more. With the current system, cops are not meant to help people, but rather control them, even if they don't realize it. Do you know why we have so many shows about cops? Have you ever heard of Dragnet? Dragnet was originally started to show the cops in a good light because people were not happy with cops, so they started making propaganda, yes, that's what it truly is, to make the cops look good, to make them out to be these pillars of righteousness and whatnot so they could start getting the public on their side. And thus the long and still strong tradition of cop shows are around, whether it be reality TV like Cops, or complete fiction like Law & Order. And even if these shows do make steps to address shortcomings of the police system, their roots are still in propaganda. Circling back, you also have the cops that stand by and do nothing. As I said earlier, silence lends itself to the oppresser, and when cops don't speak up, they are doing the same.

Children (and pets/animals) at protests: Here's the thing. people bringing their kids and pets are more than likely bringing them to PEACEFUL protests. Now you may say, "well they should know it could turn violent!" ...It's called a peaceful protest for a REASON. Ok, let's say it does turn violent? Cops are still directly targeting children. And even if they aren't, they see the kids, and instead of rethinking what they're about to do, they still do it, they still mace and tear gas those kids. And guess what? Some of them aren't even with the protests! some of the kids that have been maced and tear gassed have been with their BYSTANDER parents as they have to pass through the area to get to their homes or wherever. like the little girl whose mom was driving them somewhere and they got caught in tear gas the police had been throwing, and were gassed out of their car. as the mom was trying to take care of her daughter a cop came up to them. the mom said (screamed) "she's just three" multiple times, and that they weren't at the protest, just trying to get home, and despite that, the cop looked directly at the little girl and then threw the canister directly at her, causing it to blow up in her face. And the police animals. I agree, those animals should not be subjected to pain. It is not their choice to be there, they don't know what they're doing, they're just doing as trained. I've seen people get more upset about the police animals than I have kids, and you cry that parents choose to bring their kids. Well, cops are choosing to bring their animals. Neither kids nor animals on either side should be getting hurt, hell, no one should, the protests are meant to stay peaceful.

Protesters going missing and other things: Multiple protestors have magically "disappeared", unlawfully arrested, or detained without food, water, etc. and who knows what else. This should not be happening. These people aren't just disappearing, they shouldn't have to fear for basic rights or even for their fucking lives when exercising their first amendment right. Curfews have been a big issue. A curfew will be announced just a few minutes before, or get changed so people get caught outside with no where to go, thus getting arrested. Or like in Chicago, where the bridges were raised so they had no way to leave. Or other places where they are blocked in so they technically violate curfew. Or places where protesters are told to clear out or they'll get arrested, and instead of giving them time to leave, they start arresting them right away. Or what about when people are sitting there, just trying to talk to the police, hands up, and are still arrested?

There's so much more I could say, but I do want to leave off with this. So many ask why young people are so involved with this. we have been raised on a diet of Hunger Games, Divergent, Avatar: The Last Air Bender, Harry Potter, Steven Universe, and so much more. We have been taught to fight back injustice and oppression, to make our voices be heard and to help make others voices be heard. We have been raised by parents to speak out and defend ourselves. We have already lived through pain and suffering in our short lives, and we are tired of it. So we are damn sure going to fight back and try to make this shitty little world even a tiny bit better for whoever we can. We are told this is the land of the free, and that we can be whoever we please and get to live our lives as we see fit, and damnit, we are going to make that happen for ALL of us.

#blacklivesmatter #black lives fucking matter #black lives count #black lives have always mattered #black lives are important #black lives matter #black lives have value #black lives movement #justice for george floyd #justice for floyd #blm movement #blm protests #protest

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vaiyamagic · 4 years

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My favorite teacher ever was a high school english teacher. He was great, even if the class itself was full of students who were lazy and unappreciative. I would even visit him in off class hours the next year even though I didn't have his class. (I always got along better with teachers than most of the students, especially at that particular school.)

I remember the first time checking in with him after summer and discovering he'd gotten married. (He had a wedding photo on his desk.) I then did the little wedding tune "bum bu bu-dum" and he got seriousface very quickly and said that they didn't walk down the aisle to that song. Curious, I asked why. He said it was because the composer of that tune was antisemitic. I was unfamiliar with the word, so I asked what it meant. And when he explained it, my stupid teenage brain decided to immediately ask, "Oh. Are you jewish?"

And then something happened that I will always remember: He hesitated.

Now, one of the reasons I always loved his teaching is because there were no stupid questions. He would encourage the pursuit of knowledge of any kind. He was always honest and prompt with his answers.

And here he hesitated.

It wasn't a long hesitation, probably only a second or two, but it felt like minutes. And in that long silence, my brain did some thinking.

If he hesitated, it meant he wasn't sure how to answer that question. The question was basically yes or no and if the answer was no there was no reason to hesitate, right? But if he hesitated then the answer was probably yes, and that meant he wasn't sure if he should admit it. And if he was hesitating it meant he was afraid of what admitting it would do. And if he was afraid then that meant there was a reason.

Now, I'd had WWII history a few times by that point (I swear, school was obsessed with it. Every year. I got so tired of WWII, I just wanted to learn about some other time period, please.) So, I knew about the Holocaust, and knew that for some reason, people hated Jewish people back then. But that was all over right? We fought Hitler. We won. Everything was okay now.... right?

This teacher of mine was not old. He was a very young man; I'd estimate, mid to late 20's? Maaaybe early 30's? So, if he was hesitant to admit it, then it clearly wasn't just something that used to happen a long time ago, and maybe things hadn't completely changed.

It made me feel like shit. That this grown man was afraid to admit what religion he was a part of to this little bitty teenager, just in case I decided to ruin him for it. How fucked up is that? And I’d already told him he was my favorite teacher by this point. That he even had to consider that maybe this new information could change my opinion of him so drastically... that’s a horrible way to live.

In the end, he said yes. But I remember the tone, and the look he gave while saying it. The tone was still hesitant, and the look was very much "Okay, I've trusted you with this, now it's your turn. What are you going to do?"

I was a teenager, and this was awkward. Teenagers don't deal with awkward very well (I mean, many adults don't either, but teens moreso.) I didn't want to give the impression that learning he was jewish bothered me (because it didn't) but I also didn't want to get into a discussion about everything that happened in the span of those few seconds. So, I just said "Cool." and immediately changed the subject.

Still to this day I don't know if that was the correct thing to say, but I guess it was at least acceptable, because our teacher-student relationship continued on as though that little hiccup never happened.

Neither of us ever mentioned it again, but it stuck with me. I thought about it the rest of the day, and on and off for the next few weeks, and even now, almost 20 years later, I’m still reminded of it.

If my teacher had reason to be afraid of revealing that information, then that meant there was something wrong with what we’d been taught. The fact that I’d had so many different classes and lessons on WWII, and yet didn’t know what antisemitic meant? That was a problem.

I’d already known that some teachers were terrible (4th grade. Thanks for THAT Ms Jenoka. I hate you.) But to learn that it wasn’t just the WAY some teachers taught that was bad, but WHAT was being taught too? It had never crossed my mind before that. It was the first time I realized that racism and bigotry and all that stuff was still around. After that moment, I had to reassess everything. (Yeah, if you hadn’t realized by this point, yes, I am white.)

***

I remember way back in 1st grade, living in Virginia, we’d had our first Black History Month lessons and had just learned about Rosa Parks and segregation and all that “fun” stuff. I remember walking home after school and saying to a black classmate of mine something along the lines of “I’m glad racism is over so we can be friends.”

I wonder sometimes if my classmate believed it too, or if she knew better already in 1st grade. I wonder what she thought of me saying that. I wonder if she even remembers it, or if it’s just one more stupid thing a white person has said to her.

***

My sophmore year of high school (before I ever had that english teacher) there was this muslim kid in one of my classes. He was a jerk. He would tease me and make fun of me all the time, to the point where I got so angry once that I threw a brush at him (I missed.) And any time anyone would criticize him for anything he did he’d say mockingly “It’s ‘cause I’m muslim, isn’t it?” And no one wanted to be ‘that person’ so no one called him out saying “No, it’s because you’re a jerk.”

9/11 happened 2 years later. I had moved since then and now went to a new school, but when 9/11 happened, I asked a friend who still went to the old school how things had changed. I remember them saying, “If it makes you feel any better [name] is bullied now for being muslim.”

If it made me feel any better.

That made me feel like shit, just like that moment with my english teacher (which had occurred earlier that same year.) No! Of course it didn’t make me feel better! I wanted him to stop acting like a jerk, not to get bullied back! LEAST of all for just being muslim. And that my friend thought I would be okay with it was the worst part.

I honestly don’t remember what I said after that. I probably just got quiet and said nothing. After all, they were my friend. I didn’t want to fight over it. But I should have said something. I should have called them out. But I didn’t. I regret that.

***

The moral of this story is, even if (and perhaps especially if) you’re taught that racism/bigotry/homophobia/etc is over, it’s not. You’re just not seeing it. And just because you don’t think you’re racist/homophobic/etc doesn’t mean you can’t do or say offensive things. You will. You absolutely will. And if you do? Apologize. Admit you were ignorant, even to yourself. Learn. Try to do better.

#racism #bigotry #life #long post #please don't eat this post this time tumblr #seriously

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jamiebluewind · 4 years

Text

Why I'm So Good At Angst

Why The Latest Episode Of Fantasy High Effected Me So Much

I got pretty emotional after the last episode and when combined with recovering from bronchitis... it wasn't a fun night. I decided to write down a bit of my history to help and then I decided to post it because... well who knows? I just felt like it. Let me make it clear; I am okay. I am going to therapy. I moved 1300 miles away from these people. Most of this was years ago. There is NO reason to treat me differently because of this. But it's dark and PTSD is a bitch sometimes. So here are the crib notes on why I'm so good at writing angst. Trigger warnings abound.

Tw: child abuse, neglect, starvation, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, insults, controling, isolation, sexism, racism, homophobia, biphobia, gross imagery, sickness, mention of surgery without consent, dark themes, blood mention, rape mention, death mention, suicide survival mention, animal abuse mention, very minor spider mention (tell me if I missed any!)

Let's start at the beginning. I was born a "mistake". My mother wanted a kid, so she went off birth control and got pregnant. They were late 20/early 30s, VERY broke, not equipped to have a child, he didn't want more kids (he already had 3 from his first marriage), and they were about to break up. Instead they got married so I wouldn't be a "bastard". Turns out, that is a bad foundation for a marriage.

They were expecting a boy when I came out. The doctor said my heartbeat was so strong that I had to be a boy, so they didn't have a name picked out. Thus James became Jamie and my parents became disappointed.

I was mildly intersex so the doctors "fixed" me, but I didn't find out for years. What I did find out was how much money I cost and what a burden I was on my family with shocking regularity. Also, nobody told my mother that babies aren't cute little bundles that you can use to get more attention. They cry, poop, eat, and repeat and they need constant care. So, I started out with the cards stacked against me.

My mother was also... not the sharpest tool in the shed. Case in point, for about the first six months of my life, my mother gave me formula that I was allergic to. My dad (worked extra shifts and odd jobs to make ends meat) only found out when he was watching me when my mother went out of town. There was a substantial amount of blood in my diaper, he called my mother, a day or two later she finally called back to tell him it was normal, he got worried and took me to the doctor, and they told him I was allergic to whey protein.

Thankfully, my dad's parents lived next door. I stayed with them a LOT. Basically lived there. I would visit my parents, say hi, and then run back next door. Mamaw (dad's mother) kept me fed, never made me feel bad for how I saw the world, and was always willing to help. I had dyslexia and every night we would sit and drill my spelling words before she would sing me to sleep. Papaw (dad's father) was great too, but more of the playful one who taught me jokes and how to play poker.

Then Papaw got sick. First cancer and then Alzheimer's. I had to start staying at home a lot. I helped as much as I could. He lived a long life. I was there when he died. Death is not like it is in the movies.

In the meantime, I had school. It was tough, but I had Mamaw helping me and a friend. We hung out on the playground together for a year or two, but my parents found out and threw a fit that the teachers had "allowed" it to happen. Because he was black. Yes. They were also racist. So my friend and I were no longer allowed to be near each other. Mamaw found the whole thing stupid.

In 6th grade, I had a teacher that hated me. Long story short, long before I was born she and her husband owed my grandparents money and they were bitter over eventually having to pay it back. So she "lost" a lot of my homework and treated me like crap.

At the end of the year (after it was already over with), my mother took me out of school and told everyone that she was going to homeschool me. She did not.

Suddenly, I was my mother's maid. I waited on her hand and foot. I did the cleaning, she told my dad that she did it while I sat on my butt, and I would get in trouble for being lazy. She gave me an allowance and then took it back saying she needed it for bills (mind you while saying they were broke because of me). She told all my friends that the number I gave them was wrong and that I had moved away. She bought homeschool books and when I eventually got stuck on every subject, she told me just to forget it and that I could eventually get my GED. She never registered me, so on paper it just looked like I dropped out of school 2 weeks before the end of the 6th grade. Nobody ever checked on me.

I rarely left the house and my mother used me to con people out of money. I went hungry a lot. Sometimes she would give me food that I was allergic to which would make me sick. Sometimes she would make me eat rotten stuff (just imagine a cabbage stew that has been sitting in the fridge for weeks and has this waxy film on top and a sour smell ones you break through. I've eaten stuff like that because she said I wasn't allowed to waste food). I snuck food out under my clothes and kept what I could hidden in my room. We had a pantry full of food too, but she said I wasn't allowed to have any of it. Things like panties and bras weren't replaced as I grew and became so tight that I still have a dent around my waist and my chest. However, the shirts she bought for me were in her size (so she could borrow them), so they were just massive on me (she was a plus sized adult).

Still, I felt like a selfish brat for asking for even minor things, so I just... existed. I had a game system in my room that helped me escape. My older half brother moved in with his wife and kid and I babysat my nephew (for free) which was... something. A second nephew came along and the pair were a handful, but I did my best.

I snuck outside as much as I could. I would jump on my trampoline (before it broke). Play with a stray dog or cat. Observe a spider. I saw Mamaw (and Papaw before he died) as much as I could, but I hid what was going on at home. Mamaw was my escape, but then she moved out of her house and into a smaller house in town. That's when it got bad. Nobody was there to notice anymore, so my mother could get away with more. Dad worked too much to see.

I asked to go back to school when I was 12 or 13. My mother told me that they would hold me back three years so I would be in a class filled with children and she would get in trouble for me being lazy. It was my fault. She made me scared to go back. Later in my mid teens, she would tell me that I wasn't allowed to tell anyone what she'd done or she would go to jail, my dad would go to jail, and I would get put in an orphanage and raped every day. At the time, I was getting physical contact so rarely that it hurt when people touched me. I had a panic attack when a doctor told me to undress for an exam. So not only did I want to protect my parents from jail, the possibility of... that... it was enough for me to not only keep quiet, but actively try to keep what she was doing from getting out.

A lot of my teenage years are rather blurry (part due to monotony and part due to the food stuff). Mamaw had a stroke and I volunteered to take care of her (which I did). My mother used me to con people out of more money (unbeknownst to my dad). I got sick a lot and was often not taken to the doctor when I should have been. I waited on my mother. I took care of my mamaw a couple days a week. My mother started taking pills and gambling heavily. I was told later that she bragged to people about being able to do as she pleased as long as she got home before her husband because her daughter was at home doing chores. When I cleaned the toilet, I had to do it barehanded with a washcloth. I'm pretty sure she poisoned me a couple times. It wasn't fun. Did I mention that her favorite book was Flowers In The Attic by V. C. Andrews? She had a copy that was extremely well worn. *shivers*

At one point, I rescued a kitten from stray dogs and got my dad to let me keep him. I got a second kitten less than a year later who was so tiny she had to be bottle fed. Their names were Punkin and Hopee and I kept going because nobody else would take care of them if I was gone. I know my motger wouldn't because they weren't fed when I wasn't there. They are the reason that I fought to survive.

At 16, my mother took me to a urologist and told me that they were going to put me under to take a urine sample from my bladder. I woke up having had a surgery on my genitals to make them more feminine. Yes, I know how messed up that sounds. I had to go to a specialist when I got older for pain and get treatment for it. I'm mostly okay now, but that doesn't change the fact that it was objectively wrong. Please, if you take anything from this, remember that.

A week after my 18th birthday, my mother kicked my dad out. She wanted a divorce. She told me that she couldn't get in trouble for what she did anymore because I was an adult. The few weeks I was totally alone with her were really bad. She got a stereo, put it right next to my door, and blasted country music when I was trying to sleep. Made some excuse as to why it had to be there and that loud. We were in a well insulated house, so there was no one nearby to complain. I was so tired all the time and still had to wait on and cook for her. Til this day, I hate country music and I can sleep through most background noise.

I moved in with my dad. I had a lot of panic attacks. Some seizures. I was scared to be alone. Horded food. I was at one point sitting and wriggling because I had to pee and needed permission. I was a mess.

Dad and I were good for a while. I followed orders and kept the place clean. He insulted me some and was... honestly very harsh. He said he was preparing me for the world. He was nice most of the time though and so much better than my mother.

As time went on, the insults became more frequent. How much I looked like my mother. How I got all my bad traits from my mother. My voice could give people a headache. Useless. Dumbass. On and on. Nothing was off limits. He became so controlling. Taught me to drive, but my curfew was 8 or 9 pm. I had to save money and not waist it because I would need it later and buying anything small for myself was stupid (but he would buy random stuff all the time). In fact, everything I liked that he wasn't into was stupid and a waste of time and energy. He was better than my mother in so many ways. I never went hungry with him. He let me hug him sometimes. He would help me out with things. That was why it was so hard for me to see the verbal and emotional abuse and how much he was controling and gaslighting me. Every favor had a price. I was isolated. When I started going to college, the control became worse. The insults more rapid pace. I was beat down.

Then I met a guy whom I thought loved me. You know how it goes. He seemed better than my dad. Better than my mother. That was the best I deserved... right? He isolated me. He tried to get me away from my friends. He controled my money. He didn't take no for an answer. He used my bisexuality as something to guilt trip me over and like it was some grand thing for him to be as okay with it as he was. He made me feel like nobody else would be with somebody like me. It... wasn't good. I was with him seven years. Multiple break ups, but I always took him back. I survived two suicide attempts (OD for the first and called in before anything happened the second time after he had me go off my antidepressants). After the final breakup, we met up about the money that he owed me and he decided to not take no one more time and then blamed me for it. My best friend was on the phone with me afterward as he was texting me. My ex also said that it would make him happy if I never dated another man again. Then he sent me religious pamphlets. There's so much more, but he's not worth talking about.

I lived with my dad a year. I was broke and broken. I had my dog, my albino sand boa, and a few posessions. I didn't even have mamaw anymore (she had died a couple years prior). My ex threatened me. My dad just told me to ignore it, so I didn't pursue it legally. My dad limited the time I could be on my phone, gave me an 8pm curfew and a 10pm bedtime, and a door with no lock that I was to leave open unless I was changing clothes. He did nice things too like letting me stay with him and getting an old beat up PS3 from a pawn shop so I would have something to do, but he also insulted me constantly. I had made friends online and been friends with them for years (including my best friend mentioned before), but he said they weren't "real" friends and would ditch me the minute they had to be around me for any length of time because I was so annoying. I had too much wrong with me and nobody would put up with that shit. Just a string of insults. Dad even insulted how I laughed! It was hard to realize how bad it was due to the duality of it all.

Dad only "allowed" to date white cis men. He also said that if I ever had or adopted a non-white child, he wouldn't be able to accept it. I was chastised when I did things he considered not feminine and not "allowed" to do or talk about things in his presence that he was fine with my minor nephew doing and saying. He blew up if I mentioned anything LGBTQ+. He went nuclear when I got a tattoo to take back ownership of my body (my avatar), saying he thought I would back out and then said it made me that it was ugly and disgusting and no good man would want me now.

Through all of this, I couldn't even get support from the people in my hometown. It was a very religious area (almost infamously so). The locals considered me weird and "off". I was religious positive and supportive as long as it didn't hurt the individual, others, or society as a whole, but it wasn't for me. People were always trying to get me to go to church and praying for my soul. I was accused (more than once) of being possess by a demon that was blocking god from coming into my heart and slowly turning me half gay. Others tried to convince me that I was confusing apreciation for women with attraction and I couldn't prove that I wasn't straight (with the addition that all bisexual women were sluts and I wasn't one). There wasn't LGBTQ+ resources in town or out people to begin with (I only met two or three my entire life). I couldn't make friends. I was used a lot. Some people worried about having me around their kids. It was a stressful environment. I got pretty decent on arguing with strangers who wouldn't leave me alone (I seriously had someone screaming bible verses at me trying to save my soul while my dog was in emergency surgery so... yup). My only escape was my two best friends online and a few other awesome people I met the same way.

I moved into an apartment, but I was still isolated, alone, and touch starved. I broke my arm (oblique compound fracture of radius and ulna with a crack towards the distal end of my ulna) and my family was there for my dad because he had to take care of me. No hospital visits. I had to hire someone to clean my appartment (despite being broke) because they saw the mess as my fault as well as the injury. Dad dropped me off at home much sooner than I should have been left alone. But my two online best friends? Calling. Texting. Sending things to help. Checking on me often. One got on a plane and flew down to see me and do what they could with the day they had there. That's when I realized. They were my support system. They lived fairly close together. So, despite living in one small town my entire life, I packed up the moment I was able to and moved 1300 miles away to be near people who cared about me.

It wasn't easy. I had so many panic attacks. My one year old ESA cat Danny worked overtime. My dog passed away from kidney failure. My dad drilled it in my head that they would ditch me after a couple months because of how annoying I was and that I would either come back to [state] with my tail between my legs or in a body bag. I had to sell or give away everything that couldn't fit in my friend's small suv. It was hard, but I found a way to push through and do it. One of the last things I did was leave daisies for mamaw at places she liked when she was alive. I like to think she helped me have the strength to walk away.

I've lived here in my new home about 9 months now. I'm happy. I'm loved. I don't regret leaving a second. Sometimes PTSD will rear its ugly head like it did with the latest episode of Fantasy High. It's not something that I can control and honestly? The idea of being trapped after getting away and being stuck with my abuser again terrifies me. Seeing it happen to Adaine? It made me sick and I had an anxiety spike. I'm better today and I intend to eventually rewatch the episode to desensitize myself, but still, it was a lot for me. It's okay to not be okay sometimes and to need a break. It doesn't make me weak or bad or stupid. Another lesson for the person reading this I suppose. If it's not bad for me to ask for help orneed a break, then it's not bad for you either ^_^

I still have depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, health problems, and food issues. I think I always will. But I'm finally allowed to be happy. I'm finally allowd to be myself. I'm finally allowed to let myself be cared for and loved. I'm getting help. Learning techniques. Started taking CBD along with my meds. I'm finally as okay as I've ever been in my life and it's amazing.

PS: Just as a side note, remember to use trigger warnings. Even if something doesn’t bother you or most people, doesn’t mean that it wont make someone else have a bad day. Sometimes all we need is a warning to mentally prepare ourselfs. Sometimes we just can’t handle something that day, but can another. So remeber to tag, even if something seems minor to you or canon complient. Your readers will sincerely apreciate it. ^_^

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nerdygaymormon · 3 years

Note

Do you have a link to your thoughts on the CES letter? Because I'm sure plenty of folk have asked you about it. I'm, struggling.

The CES letter has been mentioned to me a few times in asks, but I don’t recall being asked to respond directly to it.

Before getting into it, I want to make you aware of this post about Faith Transitions, I think it may be useful to you.

I read the CES letter many years ago, probably the original version, it’s changed a lot since then. I think the CES letter is sloppy, and twists quotes, uses some questionable sources, and frames things in the worst possible way. It’s basically an amalgamation of all the anti-Mormon literature. But many of the main points of the CES letter are important and correct, even if the supporting details aren’t.

In a way, the CES letter has done the Church a favor. For a long time, Elder Packer insisted that anything which isn’t faith-promoting shouldn’t be taught. As a result, most members of the Church were taught a simplified version of Church history, leaving out anything that is messy or difficult. Although those things could be found if someone was looking for them, I found many of them simply by reading Brigham Young Discourses or other works of the early church.

With the internet, Elder Packer’s approach to history turns out to be a bad one. This information is out there and now most members learn about it from sources seeking to destroy their faith. One response to this has been a series of essays where the Church talks about some difficult subjects.

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I’m not going to go through all the claims & challenges of the CES letter, but let me address some of the main ones.

1) There are errors in the Book of Mormon that are also contained in the 1769 edition of the Bible.

From the more faithful point-of-view, Joseph recognizes these passages, such as those from Isaiah, and knows they've already been translated into English and copies them from his family’s Bible. The non-faithful point-of-view is that Joseph copied these verses from his family Bible and tried to pass it off as his own translation.

2) DNA analysis has concluded that Native American Indians do not originate from the Middle East or from Israelites but from Asia.

This is correct. The Church has an essay which admits this and then spends a lot of time explaining how genetics works and one day we might find some Middle East connection. I find the Church essay convoluted as it goes through many possible (and unlikely) reasons for why no DNA of the Jaredites, Nephites or Lamanites has yet been found in the Americas.

3) There are things in the Book of Mormon that didn’t exist during Book of Mormon times, or in Central America (assuming this is where the Book of Mormon takes place), such as horses, chariots, goats, elephants, wheat, and steel.

This is also correct. Maybe the translation process was using a common word in English for a common item in the Book of Mormon. Maybe these are errors. Maybe it’s made up.

4) No archeological evidence has been found for the Nephite/Lamanite civilizations.

Correct. When it comes to archeological evidence, it's true that we haven't found any. For one thing, we don't know where the Nephite & Lamanite civilizations are supposed to have taken place. If you don't know where to look, it's easy to have no evidence. Perhaps Nephites & Lamanites didn’t actually exist and that’s why there’s no archeological evidence. The Book of Mormon does seem to do a decent job of describing geography of the Middle East before Lehi & his family boarded the boat for the Promised Land.

5) Book of Mormon names and places are strikingly similar (or identical) to many local names and places of the region Joseph Smith lived in.

This seems like a funny thing to get hung up on. First of all, it’s not very many names that are similar. Secondly, many places in the US are named for Biblical places & people. If the Book of Mormon people came from Israel, it makes sense they did something similar. For example, the word Jordan is in the Book of Mormon, the Bible, and in many places in America.

6) He points to obscure books or dime-novels that Joseph Smith might have read and the similarities between them and the Book of Mormon.

Those similarities are mostly at the surface level. To me it doesn't seem like Joseph plagiarized any particular book, and these specific books seem to not been very popular so difficult to say Joseph, who lived on the frontier, actually read them. Funny how no one from that time period thought the Book of Mormon resembled those books, probably because they hadn’t heard of them. But Joseph did hear and read a number of stories and some of that phrasing or whatever of the time influenced him. Think of songwriters, they create a new song then get accused of plagiarizing because it's similar to another popular song. Even without intending to, they were influenced by things they heard.

7) The Book of Mormon has had 100,000 changes.

Most of the "100,000" changes to the Book of Mormon were to break it into chapters & verses, to add chapter headings, or to add grammar such as commas and whatnot. There are some changes to fix errors that got printed but differed from the original manuscript. And there's been some clarifications made, but these are few in number. By claiming "100,000" he's trying to make it seem like there's a scam being done. It's easy to get a replication of the first Book of Mormon from the Community of Christ and read it side-by-side with today's version. I’ve done that and occasionally there’s a word or two here or there which differ, but overall it's mostly the same.

8) There were over 4 different First Vision accounts

True. Over the years, the way Joseph described the First Vision changed. I think different versions emphasize different aspects of the experience. I don’t find them to be contradictory. Oh, and the Church has an essay about this.

9) The papyri that Joseph translated into the Book of Abraham has been found and translated and it’s nothing like the Book of Abraham.

This is true. The Church has an essay about it. The Church now says that the papyri inspired Joseph to get the Book of Abraham via revelation, much like his translations of the Bible weren’t from studying the ancient Greek & Hebrew. It is a big change from what the Church used to teach, that this was a translation of the papyrus. The papyri has nothing to do with the Book of Abraham, and the explanations of the facsimiles in the Pearl of Great Price don’t match what the scholars say those pictures are about.

10) Joseph married 34+ women, many without Emma’s consent, some who had husbands, and even a teenager.

This all appears to be true. Emma knew about some of them, but not all. As for the married women, they were still married to their husbands but sealed to Joseph (I know this is strange to us, but this sort of thing was common until Wilford Woodruff standardized how sealings are done).

Polygamy was illegal in the United States. Most people who participated were told to keep it secret. So of course there’s carefully-worded statements by Joseph and others denying they participate in polygamy.

The salacious question everyone wants to know is if Joseph slept with all these women. We don’t know, but a DNA search for descendants of Joseph has taken place among the descendants of the women he was ‘married’ to and none have been found. But still, if he wasn’t doing anything wrong, why is he hiding this from Emma?

11) The Church used to teach that polygamy was required for exaltation, even though the Book of Mormon condemns polygamy.

This is accurate. The Church says polygamy was part of ancient Israel and so as part of the restoration of all things, polygamy had to be restored, see D&C 132:34. Now we no longer say polygamy is required to get to the highest level of the Celestial Kingdom.

12) Brigham Young taught Adam-God theory, which is now disavowed by the Church.

True. Joseph Smith didn’t teach this and John Taylor & Wilford Woodruff don’t seem to have any time for this teaching. It’s a thing Brigham Young was hot about and taught, but seems a lot of the church didn’t buy it as it was discarded after his death.

13) Black people weren’t allowed to hold the priesthood until 1978, despite Joseph having conferred it to a few Black people during his life.

Very true and very sad. This and the Mountain Meadows Massacre are the two biggest stains on the Church’s past. There is a Church essay on Race & the Priesthood. The ban appears to have begun with Brigham Young and he developed several theories to justify it, and these explanations expanded over the decades and bigotry was taught as doctrine. The Church now disavows all explanations that were taught in the past.

No reason for the priesthood ban is put forward in the Church essay other than racism. The past leaders were racists and that blinded them to what God wanted for Black people. There’s a big lesson in that for LGBTQ teachings of the Church.

14) The Church misrepresents how Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon.

The accounts of Joseph Smith putting a seer stone in a hat and reading words from it, that's part of the historic record. Quotes about it don’t make it to our Sunday School lessons, but if you go back to the Joseph Smith papers and other accounts, it’s there to read. Joseph also used the Urim & Thummim, and wrote out characters and studied them, but he seems to have most favored the stone-in-hat method. I think the main problem here is the Church in its artwork and movies does not depict this, and therefore most members are unaware until they see anti-Mormon literature. Why does the Church not show Joseph looking into a hat? Because it seems magical and weird to modern people. But how much weirder is it than he put on the Urim & Thummim like glasses and could translate that way, or he wrote out these characters from some extinct language and was able to figure out what they mean?

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A number of the main points in the CES letter are true (even if explanations/supporting details in the CES are problematic). Some of the main points have simple explanations and don’t seem like a big deal. Others challenge what the Church has taught. To its credit, the Church put out essays by historians & scholars, with sources listed in the footnotes, addressing several of these controversial topics.

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Religion is meant to help humans make sense of their world and our place in it. Most religious stories are metaphorical but end up getting taught as literal history and, in my opinion, the same is true of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. And that’s why the CES letter has power, it points out things aren’t literally true but were taught by the Church as factual, and the CES letter shows us part of our messy history that the Church tried to hide.

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The story of Adam and Eve can’t literally be true. It doesn’t fit our evolutionary past, but it’s meant to make our lives important, God created us and we have to account to Him for our choices, and it’s important to find someone to go through life with. We can say the same of Job and the Book of Ruth, fiction with a purpose.

While there are some real events included in the Bible, much of what’s written is there to teach lessons, culture, and give meaning to life. Jesus taught in parables so at least he was upfront that they were stories that contained morals.

Can I believe the same about the Book of Mormon, that it’s inspired fiction with meaning I can apply to my life, or must it be literally history to have value?

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I went through a massive faith crisis while attending BYU. I had access to materials that told a different story of this religion than I’d been taught (the sorts of things in the CES Letter) and it threw me for a loop.

It felt like the floor of faith I had stood on shattered and I fell with no way to stop myself. After I had a chance to process through the things I was feeling, I looked at my shattered faith and picked up the parts that were meaningful to me.

I had lined up my faith similar to a line of dominoes. If the Book of Mormon is true, then Joseph was a prophet. If Joseph was a prophet, then this is the true church. If this is the true church, then...

This works until it doesn’t. Once a domino topples over, it starts a chain event.

Now I look at principles and concepts and decide if they’re meaningful to me.

I love the idea that we can spend eternity with the people we love most.

I believe we should be charitable and loving to others.

People on the margins need to be looked after and helped and lifted.

Poor people deserve dignity and the rich to be challenged.

We have a commitment to our community and we all serve to make it better.

All are alike to God, we’re all loved and God has a grand plan for us.

Those who passed away can still be saved through the atonement of Christ.

Those are all principles I find in the Bible and Book of Mormon or at church and I find Love flows through all of those.

This new approach works for me. I don’t have to believe or hold onto problematic teachings. I can drop them and still hold the parts that I find valuable. I can reject the teachings and statements which are bigoted, homophobic, transphobic, racist, ableist, misogynistic. Prophets can make mistakes and still have taught some useful things.

That little voice of the spirit and what it teaches and guides me to do, I trust it over what Church leaders say. Overarching principles are more important to me than specific details for how this gets applied in the 1800′s or 1950′s or Biblical times.

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I truly hope some of what I’ve written is helpful.

There’s no use pretending that the CES letter doesn’t get some things correct. It’s also helpful to understand it’s not just trying to share truth, but has an agenda to make the Church look as bad as possible.

What about the things the CES letter is correct about?

Has this church helped you learn to connect with the Divine?

The Church has some very big flaws, but also has some big things in its favor. Some of its unique teachings are very appealing and feel hopeful and right.

Can you leave the Church and be a good person and have a relationship with God? Absolutely.

I also know this church is a community and it’s hard to walk away cold-turkey with nothing to replace it, without another network to belong to. It’s as much a religion as it is a lifestyle and circle of friends.

Are there parts you can hold onto? Parts you can let go of?

You have a lot to think about and work through.

#long post #ces letter #this is a much longer answer than I thought I would write

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kzspbrak · 5 years

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What this week has taught me about homophobia and racism within my school

This might get long, it’s been a messy week and this situation is a big one, but I feel like I should share it? I’m not using real names obviously, except mine. And also trigger warning; homophobia and racism.

So for some context, I’m 16 years old (year 11/a sophomore), female and bisexual. I’m only out to my only other openly LGBT friend, (a trans dude we’ll call Greg) and my—now ex—boyfriend who we’ll call Jake. This is also the first week back after Easter holiday, and we started school on Tuesday.

I’d also like to point out that I don’t know if the issues I personally recognised are general, but based on things I’ve seen online and the fact that my school is very liberal (pride clubs and assemblies, many people are out across all year groups happily, the teachers are also all supportive and it’s in the policy to respect pronouns, etc) I assume issues like this happen a lot.

So, on the Saturday before we all came back to school there was a party at someone’s house. I didn’t personally go, but Jake (who I’m still good friends with) did. The party was a normal party, nothing was inherently different about it. It was just a party.

At this party however, two of the boys in my year (for this they’re called Alfie and Ryan) were seen kissing/making out in one of the hallways by a few people (I don’t think they intended on people seeing, according to jake it was an empty hallway or something) I’m not sure what actually happened, and Jake didn’t see, but I’ve heard everything from they kissed to they sucked each other off to they were fucking. I’m assuming they were probably making out in an empty hall and then were caught.

This should in theory be fine, people kiss all the time at parties. There are gay couples at my school who kiss at parties as well as at school, and straight girls always make out for fun at them too. So, there shouldn’t be an issue. Except, there was, and I’m assuming it’s because Ryan and Alfie are both two of the ‘popular jock’ types. Alfie also happens to be a person of colour (his parents are Greek Cypriot), but that comes into it more later.

So, the two are caught kissing (I’m not sure what happened after that at the party, Jake didn’t see them) but on Tuesday everyone was talking about it, and Ryan didn’t show up to school. This meant that Alfie was getting looks from people in all years and going through it all by himself. Tuesday I’m pretty sure was fine, people were just talking—no one was actually being actively rude to him about it. Although, he did avoid his friends at lunch. On Wednesday Ryan came back in, and everything got a lot worse.

Ryan and Alfie completely avoided each other Wednesday, but at this point the rumours had escalated to they were caught fucking, some people were genuinely arguing over who was the top and bottom, and Greg even heard some people making stupid AIDs jokes. It wasn’t a great situation. Wednesday afternoon my half of the year (which includes both Ryan and Alfie) has English, so we were all in the English department at the end of lunch. This is when who we’ll call George approached Alfie—I was at a nearby table and just about saw the whole thing. George and Alfie are/were in the same group of friends, and I always assumed they were decent friends. But, instead of being nice, George went up to Alfie and called him a f*ggot, and then upon not getting a reaction said it again louder, and again, and again. Two others from their group were with George too and they were joining in.

After a few minutes of being shouted at by his ‘friends’, Alfie tried walking away, but George pushed him into the wall before he could really move. This is when people started crowding around the four of them so, I lost sight of what was happening, but I could clearly hear George using slurs and insults against Alfie and he was beating the shit out of him. Eventually teachers came, separated the two of them and sent everyone to class. Alfie had a black eye, bleeding nose, a generally beaten up looking face, and I’m assuming his body was hit a few times as well. Alfie didn’t come to English at all, but half way through George reappeared (he was in isolation the next day though).

I want to point out that Ryan still spoke to his friends (excluding a few- including George) a bit when he was in school, and didn’t receive nearly as much homophobic comments from people, people still called him gay and asked if he liked sucking dick, but it wasn’t bad compared to what Alfie received. The group who attacked Alfie are also all fine with the openly gay guy in our year who’s had various boyfriends out of school and brought them to parties. Both Ryan and this other guy happen to be white as well, and the other guy is really good friends with all the ‘popular’ girls.

Greg also hasn’t really received any transphobic comments from around school, occasionally someone will call him Caitlyn Jenner or a he/she (and once George did call him a tr*nny), but generally, nothing.

Thursday and Friday were similar to Tuesday, George was in isolation and Alfie and Ryan just ignored everyone, minus each other (I’m not sure what happened between them Wednesday evening, but basically after Alfie was beaten up they stopped ignoring each other). Alfie was also taken out of various classes to be separated from George’s two friends who were calling him a f*ggot and stuff like that. Rumours were still escalating though, and I assume the two of them still felt equally shitty.

Jake told me that both of them were on Alfie’s bus together on Friday, so at least they definitely still talk/hang out and get along. But that’s the last I’ve heard on the situation.

I don’t know why George chose to attack Alfie the way he did, but the only obvious difference between Alfie and every other lgbt person at my school is that he is a poc. Ryan still got shit and obviously didn’t feel safe/comfortable talking to his group of friends, but they didn’t seek him out either.

I’ve seen online a few times now how members of the lgbt community who are also poc still haven’t been fully accepted within society, and as a white member of the community I never really cared about it as much as I should. Like, I knew they faced that extra obstacle in a sense, but I never truly realised how much harder it is for them? I don’t feel fully like I’m allowed to voice an opinion on the topic, and I’m not here to claim I do—I’ll never understand what poc go through as a white person. But I do think that if what happened to Alfie this week is normal for poc within the lgbt community, something really does need to change.

Obviously white lgbt members face oppression too, and will get beaten up in a similar way. But what I’m trying to say is if the contrast between how poc and white lgbt members at my school are treated is a general thing, something really needs to change. I don’t know what that is, and obviously I’m not making a breakthrough by suggesting we all should have equal rights, but this has all really opened my eyes this week, and I hope it has for someone else too.

I don’t know how to end this, so I’m just going to here? Sorry it was long, I just felt like I should share it.

#tw:#homophobia #transphobia #racisim #lgbtq #lgbt #lgbtq community

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meterteller4-blog · 5 years

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Those Who Care and Those Who Don’t: Children and Racism in the Trump Era

DECEMBER 14, 2018

This piece appears in the latest issue of the LARB Print Quarterly Journal: No. 20 Childhood

To receive the LARB Quarterly Journal, become a member or purchase a copy at your local bookstore.

“Trump does some bad things,” 10-year-old Kenny tells me one afternoon. I’m sitting across from him at a coffee shop in a small town in Mississippi. Kenny is black and loves soccer. As he talks, he anxiously spins a pen cap on the table between us. “Trump talks about racist things … and he does racist things! He puts inappropriate things on Twitter. Like, people won’t admit it but saying, ‘I’m going to build a wall from Mexico,’ and saying bad things about Mexicans is racist and [people] won’t admit it!” Kenny pauses, looks down to the ground, and shakes his head with disbelief. “To me, that’s something.”

Kenny is just one of the millions of children growing up in the United States under the Trump administration. And he, like many of these children, is experiencing a shocking moment in American history. These are young people who have otherwise been taught that America is making progress when it comes to issues like racism and sexism. Their childhoods unfolded during the “post-racial” era of President Obama; their television programs celebrate multiculturalism and diversity; their T-shirts have girl-empowerment slogans; their schools conduct anti-bullying and inclusion campaigns. For the youngest generations in the United States, racial progress was the common narrative across the political spectrum. This changed during the 2016 presidential election, which marked a drastic turning point in this narrative. Things were suddenly different, and the election of Donald Trump deeply complicated how many children in America understand their country.

As many people have pointed out, Trump began his political career by propagating a racist conspiracy against President Obama. Sociologist Matthew W. Hughey argued that the effect of “Birther” movement was in fact twofold: it stoked white fear of a black man in power and encouraged fantasies of a white ethno-state as a remedy for those fears. Trump perhaps noticed its effectiveness. He went on to use explicitly racist rhetoric and antisemitic dog whistles in his presidential campaign ads. Even after taking office, Trump has continued to stoke racial division and white fear. He has used racist, derogatory language to refer to Mexicans, Muslims, and entire nations in Africa and the Caribbean. He has insulted a long list of black celebrities, politicians, and athletes. And his rhetoric is also backed up by action. Within its first year, the Trump administration advanced a ban on Muslim people and refugees entering the country; it has more recently enforced family separation at the border, taking children from their parents and putting them in cages; Trump has pardoned former Arizona sheriff Joe Arpaio, a man with a long history of racial discrimination. Trump also famously refused to denounce white supremacists after their racist and antisemitic rallying and violence in Charlottesville. His racist rhetoric has only escalated in the run up to the midterm elections.

In October 2017, political scientist Cathy J. Cohen and her colleagues at the University of Chicago reported findings from their GenForward Survey of Millennial Attitudes on Race in the U.S. They found that across all racial groups, Americans between the ages of 18 and 34 believe that racism is one of the three most important problems in the United States today and that this problem is getting worse (Cohen, Fowler, Medenica, & Rogowski, 2017). However, nearly half of the white young adults in this research believed that “discrimination against whites has become as big a problem as discrimination against Blacks and other minorities.” Across all racial groups, very few young people thought racial relations were improving in the United States, and when asked if they believed Trump is a racist, 82 percent of African-American respondents, 78 percent of Latinx respondents, and 74 percent of Asian-American respondents said they did. White respondents were split almost exactly down the middle: 51 percent believed he is racist while 48 percent disagreed.

My conversation with Kenny was part of my ongoing research with youth and racism in the United States. My work as a sociologist focuses on racial socialization — I study how children learn about race and racism in the context of their families, communities, and everyday lives. Part of my work involves speaking with children directly about their experiences and perspectives of the social world. I knew from my previous research that for many white children who grew up in the Obama era, they believed that racism was “no longer a problem in America.” In many ways, it made sense for these children to feel this way. Although the United States has a long history of racism and white supremacy, in more recent years, social scientists have found that racism at the individual level has not disappeared but, rather, is expressed in more subtle and implicit ways. The circumstances, however, have clearly changed, and these same children are now confronted with explicit and overt forms of racism in the public sphere. I wanted to know what young people, particularly children in middle school, are thinking about racism in the new Trump era. What are their views on this matter? How are they feeling? What do they have to say?

Over the past year, a team of graduate students and I interviewed children between the ages of 10 and 13 in two distinct geographic locations: Mississippi and Massachusetts. We asked them a range of questions about current events, their schools and families, and their reaction to Trump’s words and actions as president. After interviewing more than 50 children, we found that children of color in both states expressed a great deal of anxiety, stress, fear, and anger about the present moment. The white children’s responses, however, surprised me. For many, their acknowledgment of Trump’s explicitly racist words and actions seemed to mark a rearrangement of empathy, and a rearrangement of how they thought about racism — and, perhaps more importantly, how much they cared.

One day after school in Mississippi, I talk with 10-year-old Crystal, who describes herself as “African American and mixed.” Crystal tells me what she remembers from the night of the 2016 presidential election. “We were very scared the night before…When I was sleeping, I did have a bad dream so I think I could kind of tell that it wasn’t going to end up as I expected.”

“What happened the next day at school?” I ask. She brings up race right away.

“Some black boys and girls were saying that that, like, they really didn’t want Trump to win or that he had won and [that they] didn’t really like him. And then some people who did vote for Trump were like, ‘I’m so happy!’ and they told their friends who also voted for Trump. … It was like allll day.”

I ask her if the kids who supported Trump were black.

Crystal replies immediately: “No. They were all white.” For Crystal, the connection between whiteness and support for Trump is clear.

At the coffee shop, Kenny has similar ideas: “When Barack Obama was the president, I wasn’t thinking about politics,” Kenny explains. “I didn’t really talk about Barack Obama because there’s nothing to talk about! He didn’t do anything bad. He didn’t start anything. So I mean, when he was president, I didn’t get into politics because I didn’t have to. Because he was a good president.”

Later in our interview, I ask Kenny, “What do you think is a big problem in America?”

“Racism is one of the main things that this country has always had problems with. And I’m scared Trump will make that worse,” he adds.

In Massachusetts, children of color express similar fears and anxieties about this moment of reemerging racial animosity. Mariana is 10 years old and identifies as “Mexican-American and white.” She and I sit together talking in a small classroom at her afterschool program.

“Do you think Trump is doing a good job or a bad job leading our country” I ask Mariana.

“I don’t like Donald Trump!” she shouts as she slaps her hand on the desk. “He is terrible! I want Obama to come back. Obama is a better president. In my head, I’m like, Trump is going to get us all bombed. Like, after he won the election, at school, everyonewas like screaming, ‘Ahhhh!’ People were running around and then someone started crying and said, ‘I want Obama to come back!’” Mariana goes on to tell me how “Trump is racist” and a “bad president.”

I also talk with 11-year-old Dominick who identifies as “black and Cape Verdean.” “I have heard him say something bad about black people,” Dominick tells me. “Donald Trump shouldn’t build the wall. … It’s just weird and just like, you’re making fun of a certain region because they like look different? Really?”

I ask him how he feels when the president says bad things about black people.

“I feel like if the president says something racist, I think that they shouldn’t be the president,” he replies.

I hear this opinion echoed in Massachusetts, over and over again. Suzannah tells me that she thinks Trump is “very racist” and that “we need someone [who is] both of our colors so they can be more fair ’cause he only likes really the whiter people.”

Devion, an 11-year-old black boy, responds so quickly I can barely finish asking the question. “He’s said stuff about Mexico, and he’s basically just racial-profiling people! … And people have been joining him! I’ve heard some things on the news and what he says isn’t right!”

I ask him how he felt the day after the election.

“I felt just sad for America. … I was very surprised.” He goes on to tell me about white kids chanting, “Build a wall,” and harassing Latinx kids at his school.

“I honestly think that it’s crazy that kids would say that. I’ve had, um, a kid in my class that I was just fully ashamed by that kid ’cause he was saying some racist stuff [after Trump won] and that was the kid that has [previously] said racist stuff to me.” Devion tells me that he absolutely thinks the election of Trump has emboldened the already-racist bullies at his school.

These conversations reveal that these particular children of color are deeply affected by the state of the country and the larger events and conversations happening around them. My findings are reinforced by a recent survey conducted with teachers by the Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC). This survey, held in the immediate aftermath of the 2016 presidential election, described what the Center referred to as the “Trump Effect. “The report found that more than two-thirds of teachers noted increased anxiety on the behalf of students of color, immigrant students, Muslim students, and LGBTQ students. The report also found that 90 percent of teachers surveyed indicated that their school climate had been negatively affected by the political campaign and election of Donald Trump. This was also reflected in the news: during the past two years, headlines from across the nation have described instances of white youth engaging in forms of racial violence and other forms of harassment — chanting “Build the wall!” in the faces of Latinx kids at athletic competitions or in the school cafeteria, bringing Confederate flags into classrooms to taunt their black peers, sexually assaulting and “grabbing” girls, inflicting physical violence such as pulling hijabs off Muslim students, and so on (SPLC Hatewatch, 2016).

White children are also thinking and engaging in the current political moment, of course, though our conversations are notably different. With white children, I notice a profound divide between how much some children seem to care about Trump’s racist words and actions and how much some don’t.

Paige, 12 years old, was one of the children I talk to in Mississippi. I sit down with her in her living room on a Saturday morning. “We had an assignment after the presidential election,” Paige tells me. “We had to draw a picture of what we think the future is going to look like under our new government…The teacher actually made half the class redo it because she was unhappy with the results because she got a lot of walls and cities in flames or like evil-looking politicians.”

“What did you draw?” I ask. “I personally drew Trump behind a wall of fire,” she says, matter-of-factly. I ask her why she drew that particular image. “I just felt like we were making so much progress with Obama. Like on everything. Like women’s rights, gay rights, racism, like things like global warming. Then, like, now that we have the new president — it’s like a million steps backward.”

A bit later, I ask her if she thinks the election of Trump has had any immediate impact on kids.

She nods. “I think that him being elected has made some people think, ‘Oh, well, since our president has these beliefs, it’s okay.’…Like him being disrespectful to women, some people are like, ‘Oh [if ] the president did that in his past, it’s okay for me to do that,’ … and that’s not okay.”

Zena, another white 12-year-old girl growing up in Mississippi talks to me about some recent changes in how some of her friends are relating to their parents.

“Trump’s not the best person and I think we all know that,” she tells me. “I have friends with parents who are like, ‘We need to raise you like this, and you need to do this, and you need to be a big supporter of Jesus and Trump and racism, and [my friends] are like, you know, ‘I’m going to need you to take a few steps back.’…These kids are like, ‘I should do some of my own research before I jump headfirst into his big agenda.’”

Zena goes on to tell me about one friend who is outraged by Trump’s racism despite her parents’ full support of him. “She argues with her parents all the time,” Zena explains. “What about you?” I ask. “Do you think we still have racism in America?” “I think we are 100 percent not past racism,” she states definitively. “I think recently everyone has had this realization that we are not past this because there are people … who sit in the big chairs and say, ‘No. I don’t want that law [that would help racial minorities] passed,’ and I feel like it’s a problem because the people who have power … they like use it for the wrong reasons. I don’t think we are past [racism] because people in power like Trump aren’t allowing us to get past it. And that sucks.”

Trump’s election has made 12-year-old Charlie, who is also white, rethink aspects of President Obama’s time in office. “I knew President Obama was the first black president, but I didn’t understand the significance of it until Trump became president,” 12-year-old Charlie tells me one afternoon at a restaurant in Mississippi. Charlie attends a public school that is almost 70 percent black. Like many of the white kids I interviewed, Charlie tells me that lately he has been talking about racism with his parents, his friends, and his teachers “all the time.”

“Trump has definitely done something to make things worse,” he tells me.

I ask him what it was like at his school around the time of the election.

“I was surprised [when Trump won]. We did this vote at our school and it was 16 people who voted for Trump while the 360 other people voted for Clinton. But I heard that at this other school [nearby] … the vote was so Trump.”

“How is it that these two schools that are located pretty close to each other have such different results?” I ask him.

“Well, I think our school is more racially diverse than that school,” he responds. Based on his experience growing up in Mississippi — like Crystal — Charlie could also see a connection between support for Trump and whiteness.

A number of white children, in both Massachusetts and Mississippi, tell me they are shocked and outraged by what they perceived to be racism radiating from the highest seats of power. For these kids, Trump’s presidency not only challenges their understanding of the country but also sheds new light on previously held notions about race in America. In addition to their outrage, these children also exhibit racial empathy for people of color, immigrants, women, and other groups that they perceive to be under attack by the Trump administration. In fact, part of what they dislike so much about Trump is how badly he treats the vulnerable and how he seems to bully the marginalized.

Other white children I speak with have a different reaction. They don’t all consider Trump’s racism to be a problem. Children, in both Massachusetts and Mississippi, tell me that even though they recognize Trump’s racism, they ultimately don’t care.

Twelve-year-old Erin lives in Mississippi and attends a former segregationist academy that is still almost entirely white. Erin knows she is white, she explains, because “I was born in America and my skin is white.” I ask her how she felt after Trump won the election. “I was happy he won because I think he knows how to handle, like, people who threaten us and stuff.” She describes kids at her school making jokes about building a wall at recess, but she says she did not tell the teacher because she “did not think it was a big deal.” Like many of the kids, Erin also shares her views on the differences she has observed since President Obama was in office: “When Barack was president, like, there was a lot of tension going on ’cause he was, like, the first black president … the people didn’t think it was right that he should be president because he was black. Now we have a white president again.”

When Erin is asked if she recognizes the rise of racial tension in the United States right now, she acknowledges that Trump “has said racist things,” but she isn’t too bothered by it. “I honestly think it’s fine,” she says with a laugh. “I don’t really care.”

Erin’s attitude echoes what contemporary social scientists have found when studying the racial attitudes of white Americans. White people in the United States have found more subtle ways to express their prejudices toward people of color over time. These new forms of racism often help people maintain the external appearance of not being racist even as they continue to engage in practices and behaviors that reproduce racial inequality — a way of “saving face” so to speak. Drawing on findings from a large, national survey of racial attitudes spanning 40 years, sociologist Tyrone A. Forman finds evidence for an increasein what he defines as “racial apathy” in the United States. White racial apathy, he argues, “refers to lack of feeling or indifference toward societal racial and ethnic inequality and lack of engagement with race-related social issues.” In his research, Forman finds an increase in whites’ use of “I don’t know” or “I don’t care” when asked survey questions about racial integration.

When it comes to young people specifically, Forman and his colleague, sociologist Amanda E. Lewis, explore expressions of racial apathy in white high school students over time. They find that instead of new generations of white kids being less racist and more tolerant than generations before them, this population instead embraces more subtle forms of racism like being indifferent to racial inequality. Data from this important research suggests that racial apathy is actually on the rise.

In talking with some of the white children in my study, I find similar patterns. For instance, Blake, who is 10 years old and lives in Massachusetts, tries many different ways to avoid identifying his race. Eventually, though, he tells me he is white. After talking with him a bit about his hockey team and upcoming game, I ask him what he thought the day after Trump was elected.

“I didn’t care,” he tells me, shrugging.

When I ask him if he thinks Trump is racist, he responds, “I don’t know ’cause I’ve never heard him be racist. But he said um, that we’ll build a wall between Mexico. … Mexico is like part of our world so you shouldn’t try to keep them out.” Blake tells me that there is racism still in America, but that he doesn’t really know much about it. “I’ve never heard anybody say [anything racist],” he tells me. He explains he does not talk about race or racism with his family members. Generally, he says, he does not think much about racism — but he knows that it exists.

“Yeah.” He tells me. “But I don’t pay attention to that stuff.”

Betsy, who is 12 years old, white, and lives in Massachusetts, is more engaged with politics than Blake. She tells me that she loves knowing what is going on in the world. In fact, she gets up early to drink a cup of tea and watch the news before school every morning.

“I feel like I’ve heard stuff on the news about [Trump] being racist, but like, the [news anchors] exaggerate stuff. But I don’t really think he’s racist. I think when he does one thing wrong, people turn it against him.” She can discuss many of the issues that have come up while Trump has been in office, like the wall and the Muslim ban. “Overall, I’m not saying he’s the best president, and he’s definitely not the worst. But he’s not racist. There might have been one or two incidents when he was racist, but he’s not racist.” Betsy tells me that even though she wishes we could have elected a woman for president, from her perspective, Trump is “fine” and even though he is racist sometimes, she does not think that it is a major problem.

Back in Mississippi, 12-year-old Ellie, who is white, tells me about voting in a mock election at her private school, complete with mock voter ID cards that students had to show before casting their mock ballot. “Everyone wanted Trump to win and they were like, ‘If you want Hillary to win, then you’re terrible.’” Ellie was not surprised when Trump won the actual election. “I knew he was probably gonna win,” she tells me. “I didn’t really think anything about it [when he did.]” Ellie talks about how she liked one of the other Republican candidates better than Trump but that ultimately, she was happy Trump won.

When Ellie is asked about her thoughts on racism in the United States today, particularly in light of Trump’s election, she says she has heard people say he is racist, but she “do[esn’t] really know.” She also explains that her family does not talk about racism. “There’s not really any [racism] going on in Mississippi but there might be in like, other states, I just haven’t noticed anything. … I don’t really know. … It’s not something I care about.”

Kids offer different versions of this opinion. James, a 12-year-old boy who identifies as “Caucasian” and who goes to the same school as Ellie, “felt good” after Trump was elected because he supports many of Trump’s positions, even the more controversial stance on the wall between the United States and Mexico. James understands that Trump’s policies may upset people, but he ultimately cares more about other things. For example, he spends a lot of time discussing the conflict between the United States and Muslim countries. “I think it’s silly that [conflict] is still going on,” he says. “They’ve been fighting since 1999 and nobody’s won. Why [hasn’t the United States] dropped an atomic bomb on them? It would just end them, so they wouldn’t like, come at us again.”

In terms of racial politics at the national level, James recognizes that racism exists but does not think that it is serious enough to merit a solution or any political action. Regarding football players kneeling at NFL games, he says, “Some people are doing it because they don’t like the president. They don’t like racism. They don’t like the way some people are getting treated. … But if [they] want to live in America, why [are they] kneeling instead of like, loving our country that people fight for every day so we can be free? If they don’t like wanna stand for the Pledge of Allegiance or the National An

them, why are they living here?” James makes it clear that he understands these protests to be about real racism in America, but he ultimately concludes that racism is not a legitimate reason to protest.

Ava, who is 12 years old and white, also likes Trump but finds him “embarrassing” at times. Sometimes, he “acts like a kid,” she says explaining that her family and friends share the hope that he “straightens out soon.” Despite how embarrassing he is, Ava goes on to say that she was happy Trump won. But, she still thinks “he seems kinda mean.” When I ask her what she means, she says: “Well, I don’t really want him to build a wall even though it keeps some mean people out,” she explains. “There’s usually nice people who want, like, a better life too.”

When Ava is asked if she thinks that the president is racist, Ava replies, “Mmm, maybe, sorta, kinda because he built the wall and because like, he wants to keep some religions out. And I think if it’s just because of like, the religions, we could try to teach them like, about God and like that Jesus Christ came for our sins.” For Ava, racism is, again, not an important issue. Even if Trump’s wall and Muslim ban are “maybe sorta kinda” racist, the real issue with these policies is that they might prevent people from converting to Christianity.

Jason, who is 11 years old and identifies as white, views Trump in a similar “kinda racist” way as Ava. His reaction to Trump winning the election was, “I didn’t care.” When asked if he thinks Trump is racist, Jason replies, “Trump is kind-of racist, kind-of not. He kind-of is building a wall so other people won’t come in.” I ask him what he would say to Trump if he had the opportunity.

“I would make a joke like, ‘Hurry up and build that wall!’” Jason goes on to say that during recess, kids made other “jokes” about immigrants. To Jason, even if Trump’s wall is “kind-of racist,” he does not see a problem with making jokes about it, or replicating the racism in his own conversations or playful interactions with his peers.

The views of children like Ellie, James, Ava, Jason, and others are in direct opposition to those of children who are fearful of or outraged by the Trump administration. Even when this group of kids identifies racism in the words and actions of the president and his administration — even when they agree that Trump is doing something racist — they do not really seem to care. Although they are aware of racism, they would prefer to not think about it.

Indeed, racial apathy is not new, and I found signs of it among the many children I spoke with during the Obama era. But, in my previous work, kids who expressed this apathy embraced a “colorblind” racial logic — they believed that because a black man was president, American society didn’t have to worry about racism anymore. This is different from the apathy I observed in many of these white children today. Based on this new research, it seems that some kids are learning not to care about racism or racial inequality in any way, even when it is explicitly present. The narrative seems to be shifting: “I don’t see racism, so I don’t care” is becoming, “I see racism, and I still don’t care.”

Social science research makes it abundantly clear that, across the board, children today are growing up in a country with increasing economic inequality and “deep differences of opportunity” (Kids Count, 2017). Race and wealth disparities between children are well documented in a wide variety of realms like education, health, the criminal justice system, the child welfare system, the labor market, housing, wealth holdings, and so on. American children are growing up in this context, among tremendous race and class inequality and deep powerful political divides. Based on my new research, however, it seems that there is another type of division separating today’s younger generations: how they respond to explicit forms of racism.

Why is this division important? As psychologist Derald Wing Sue puts it, rather than expressing a “conscious desire to hurt,” racial apathy conveys a “failure to help.” That failure is twofold: it is not just a failure of action, it’s a failure of empathy — it’s the failure to even care about the persistence and consequences of racism in the United States. This “failure to help” — this failure to concern oneself with the suffering and humanity of others — is a powerful tool, used to reproduce and perpetuate existing racial oppression. As Forman and Lewis ask:

If, in the face of entrenched, systemic, and institutionalized racial inequality, most whites say that they have no negative feelings toward racial minorities but feel no responsibility to do anything about enduring racial and ethnic inequalities and in fact object to any programmatic solutions to addressing those inequalities, is that progress, or is it rather a new form of prejudice in its passive support for an unequal racial status quo?

White peoples’ disinterest in racism — or the more active refusal of interest in human suffering — dramatically increases the stakes for racially marginalized people. Every child of color I interviewed not only articulated disgust and outrage with the president’s racist language and actions but also described feeling scared, angry, anxious, upset, and worried because of Trump’s presidency and specifically what his racist actions might mean for themselves or the people they love. They told me about their nightmares and about drawing violent images. They talked to me about feeling fearful and not being able to relax when out in public or around authority figures. As one 11-year-old told me, “When Trump got elected, I was actually kind of nervous. My dad isn’t a citizen. If [Trump] sends him back, he’s not going to be able to come back and I won’t be able to see him. … Like, like [one time recently] we were just driving and the police were behind us and I got scared because if he were to get pulled over, they would arrest him and they’ll send him back. I am scared.” She was on the verge of tears.

Empathy alone will not solve racism and racial injustice in America. But, in the Trump era, when children are confronted with the stark reality of the legacy and persistence of racism in the United States, it appears that they respond in different ways. For black, brown, and other marginalized children, this reality seems to be connected to feelings of stress, fear, anger, and anxiety. For some of the white children I spoke with, this reality seems to be connected to empathy, anger, and a sense of concern for their peers. But, for other white children, this reality simply does not matter, even though they know and can acknowledge that it exists. If children cannot develop empathetic perspectives, if they cannot learn to care about the suffering or humanity of their peers, what does that suggest for our future? Collectively, we must identify, acknowledge, and resist the power of racial apathy — and recognize the destruction it brings to our democratic society, to our political efforts, and to the children growing up in this world.

Margaret A. Hagerman is an assistant professor of Sociology at Mississippi State University. She is the author of White Kids: Growing Up with Privilege in a Racially Divided America (NYU Press.)

Source: https://lareviewofbooks.org/article/care-dont-children-racism-trump-era/

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jakerileyphotodiary · 5 years

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1.What have you learned this week? What new things have you tried?

We looked at Composition I have fully understood the differences of F/Stops What makes a bad image (We’ve been looking at camera skills) What needs to be in a photograph to make it good Case’s where the stereotypes in photographs were judged for racism, such as the OJ Simpson case years ago, where “TIME” Magazine had OJ looking Darker then normal

2. Did you have any successes? What were you happy with? why?

Yes I’m able to give an good estimate to what F stop an image has I now know from the notes I’ve taken how to avoid taking bad images I’m also proud of a few more composition images I took I’m able to identify what’s needed in an image to make it better, Meaning, pleasing to the eye, message, and being unique I was happy with all of the lessons, everything has been noted down in lessons

This image is a good example, is a good example of ; Street, View Point, Rule Of Thirds and making an image slightly underexposed is also a techniques, I’m happy with my ability to add multiple techniques in one image. This evidence of not only my shooting ability, but my mental Knowledge.0

3. What problems did you encounter? How did/could you have overcome the problem Nothing major, we had a few problems finding what to take photos of, find good places, and we had a bit of a slip up with the Mug-Shots, but to overcome the problems we became more aware of the places around us, and using that to our advantage. Which helped us over all become better photographers.

We also learnt what the stereotypes can been in images so we a problem we had was taking an image without those stereotypes

4. What do you need to organize for next week? Research / Materials/ Equipment / Homework I will need to bring my notes from these lessons for next week Finish Homework’s given out ( Like this Diary)

PERSONAL NOTE: Keep phone recharged for if I need to research something while I’m out

Date 3rd week Assignment: Level 3 Photography

1.What have you learned this week? What new things have you tried? We learned about formal elements, and thigs they mean like what does colour do/mean And we went out to try taking photos of this information We also learned about context and narrative and why it’s important We learned about the importance of colours, and how imagery can show a message We learned about what its like to be taking photos without seeing the image afterwards The time line of important photos Photos that have relations to slavery, war and mankind accomplishments

2. Did you have any successes? What were you happy with? why? I had great success on the photos as I proved to myself that I am capable of taking good quality images in different lights, and I know how to take images of comporstion

With the context I was successful in finding out how to find a photo, and to identify what an image was with in the 5 W’s When Who What Where Why

Had a little bit of difficulty understanding the meaning of the image “The rape of Africa” but I got there in the end Had a bit of trouble with the blind images as group got distracted, but with a bit of motivation I managed to get people back on track Taking photos without being able to review them and see if you need to change settings is hard

3. What problems did you encounter? How did/could you have overcome the problem We had a little bit of trouble in the Narrative as we struggled getting photos for a few, but in my own time I’m going to be taking my own photos to finish the work

Had a little bit of difficulty understanding the meaning of the image “The rape of Africa” but I got there in the end

The fact that I couldn’t work alone

4th week

1.What have you learned this week? What new things have you tried? We learned about what its like to be taking photos without seeing the image afterwards The time line of important photos Photos that have relations to slavery, war and mankind accomplishments

Narrative

1. Narrative photography is the idea that photographs can be used to tell a story. Allen Feldman stated that “the event is not what happens. The event is that which can be narrated”.

2. We ask questions like Who, What, Where, Why, When

3.these bring more of a meaning to it by letting the viewer create their own meaning to it

We learned more about context

Context

Formal Elements Colour Lines Texture Contrast Tone Pattern Composition

2. Did you have any successes? What were you happy with? why? Yes I fully understood the meanings of Narrative and Contexts through the work of “David Levinthal” and “Mariel Clayton”

Images like these I now understand there meaning of what they can represent Images like these are good as they let the viewer have their own representation of an image

I was very happy with the images I took as they show I’m improving as a photographer I’m happy with all my progress in the course so far but I know I will do 100x better if I was by myself, working in groups doesn’t help me, the more we work in groups the worse I do, I’m happy that I’m working better in groups, though I still don’t like them

3. What problems did you encounter? How did/could you have overcome the problem I had problems with Understanding the differences between “Context” and “Narrative”, I found myself confusing the two, after doing home research I am better at identifying the two I didn’t really have many troubles

4. What do you need to organize for next week? Research / Materials/ Equipment / Homework I want to take more photos of formal elements Notes for the next lesson as they always help

Date: week 1 ( I KNOW IT’S MIXED UP )

1.What have you learned this week? What new things have you tried? We learned about different shutter speeds (Shutter Priority and its different speeds) This involves how long the shutter is open on a camera, this comes with many things to keep in mind like how much light is going into the camera and with the shutter what movement will be in the image, this also taught us the three key things in photography expositors / Shutter speed, F/Stop and ISO \ I also learned how to make a GIF There’s a website for it

2. Did you have any successes? What were you happy with? why? Yes, I took a few photographs that I was really prod of as I had never taken images before using a long shutter speed

These image were an second attempt of the photography task, I traveled to Nottingham at 5am to take new photos and these are SOME of what I got

With the GIF I posted that to my Tumblr as that works out too

3. What problems did you encounter? How did/could you have overcome the problem I had difficulty taking the 1st batch of shutter speed images so I fixed that by taking them again the next day. I was by myself when I took the re-dues so I was able to work SO MUCH BETTER

Date: week 5

1.What have you learned this week? What new things have you tried? This week was a progress/review week The main things I learned this week were what I need to complete I learned that I have got better at writing about my work In Johns lesson we did about still life, and learned about “memento mori”

2. Did you have any successes? What were you happy with? why? I was able to transfer all homework what I had completed onto Tumblr I was able to make my own works of still life and understand what memento mori is

3. What problems did you encounter? How did/could you have overcome the problem None really I found it all easy

4. What do you need to organize for next week? Research / Materials/ Equipment / Homework Create a new Gif and a Mug Shot

Date: week 6

1.What have you learned this week? What new things have you tried? Studio work in lighting, in High Key, Low Key, Rembrandt, Split, Butterfly/paramount, loop and broad And I learned a little bit about still life And a bit about Adobe Bridge

2. Did you have any successes? What were you happy with? why? I had many successes in my work as felt confident in all my work an produced some good work as well

I was able to organize my files and have everything In check

3. What problems did you encounter? How did/could you have overcome the problem

I didn’t really have any problems, I got lost at one point organizing but I caught up

4. What do you need to organize for next week? Research / Materials/ Equipment / Homework

Date: week 7

1.What have you learned this week? What new things have you tried? John with John we learned the basics of editing images with a mountain a flower We learned about how we can evaluate images And we started doing research to our next project

2. Did you have any successes? What were you happy with? why? Yes I found two artist that I like, and it was good too update myself on photoshop

3. What problems did you encounter? How did/could you have overcome the problem I didn’t have any problams as it was an easy week

4. What do you need to organize for next week? Research / Materials/ Equipment / Homework

Date: week 1

1.What have you learned this week? What new things have you tried? Liam told us what we will be doing for our independent task. It will be based on the theme identity We leaned about the photography magazine i-D and made our own version We learned about what a pinhole was

2. Did you have any successes? What were you happy with? why? Yes I was very happy with my i-D work and started to research what I want to do for identity

3. What problems did you encounter? How did/could you have overcome the problem

4. What do you need to organize for next week? Research / Materials/ Equipment / Homework Sketchbook

Date: week 2

1.What have you learned this week? What new things have you tried? I went out and took photos for my independent work We learned about film photography

2. Did you have any successes? What were you happy with? why? Yes I was able to photograph people and talk to them about music interests which will lead up to my final in photography infinity

3. What problems did you encounter? How did/could you have overcome the problem Had a bit of trouble actually having people talk to me because people suck

4. What do you need to organize for next week? Research / Materials/ Equipment / Homework

Date: week 3

1.What have you learned this week? What new things have you tried? We painted with lights using a fast shutter speed We made our cameras

2. Did you have any successes? What were you happy with? why?

3. What problems did you encounter? How did/could you have overcome the problem

4. What do you need to organize for next week? Research / Materials/ Equipment / Homework

Date: week 4

1.What have you learned this week? What new things have you tried? We made contact sheets in the darkroom

2. Did you have any successes? What were you happy with? why? The contact sheets came out fine

3. What problems did you encounter? How did/could you have overcome the problem There were no problems, everything was fine

4. What do you need to organize for next week? Research / Materials/ Equipment / Homework

Date: week 5

1.What have you learned this week? What new things have you tried? That I don’t like the pinhole camera

2. Did you have any successes? What were you happy with? why? the pinhole camera didn’t turn out well, as expected I hated it because it was something I was interested in and I didn’t really get any images out of it

3. What problems did you encounter? How did/could you have overcome the problem I came out with no photos from the pinhole, ill be edit them so at least one of them will look good, since I actually like editing

4. What do you need to organize for next week? Research / Materials/ Equipment / Homework

Date: week 6

1.What have you learned this week? What new things have you tried? We enlarged photos off our film

2. Did you have any successes? What were you happy with? why? Yeah the images came off fine no problems

3. What problems did you encounter? How did/could you have overcome the problem The images were a little un focused but its not a problam

4. What do you need to organize for next week? Research / Materials/ Equipment / Homework

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claroquequiza · 6 years

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as someone who worked tefl in South Korea; it's not you! the big awful truth is that there's a lot of racism in countries with 1 predominant race, period. especially if you teach rurally. my school had literally taught (until 2006!!) that Korean was the master race, and that all other races were inferior. obviously it's not the same everywhere but as someone who on MULTIPLE occasions was told that I wasn't "as loud and fat" as was expected (neither of which are bad thing btw) it's NOT you

I'm telling you right now that 30% of the issue is cultural social expectations (you expect one thing they expect another), 20% is language barrier, and 40% is racism. maybe the remaining 10% percent is youre an asshole but it's highly unlikely that just that 10% is why your coworkers don't like you. you're good, you're kind, you're loveable; living in another country is hard and can be unfair, that's the reality. CHIN UP!! you are more than you're coworkers perception of you, you are more.

Well, thanks for the warning about potential racism, Anons! I’ve heard similar stories from teachers working all over the place, and it’s good to be reminded of it just in case I run into it.

And I’d also like to thank the people who have sent in very kind messages--you’re super nice to take the time to do that, so thank you thank you thank you!

Buuut I have reasons to believe that it’s me rather than other people--this isn’t a new thing that started in Taiwan, it’s the continuation of a trend that’s been happening for literal years from virtually all sources. Like, the coworker who got his cellphone out to escape our conversation is a white British man, for one, and it’s not the first time that’s happened to me, or even the fifth or tenth time.

I finally recognized the pattern right after I quit my last job--I worked there for eighteen months, and in that time I thought I had made friends, good friends, with a few of my coworkers there, including one gay man who I thought was the first gay man I was actual friends with--I thought we leaned on each other in a very Gay Friends kind of way.

And then I quit that job, and I sent a lot of invites to my former coworkers, asking if they wanted to hang out, asking if they wanted to go out to the bar or see a movie or even go to a haunted house in October. I was unemployed, so I literally could have met their schedules no matter what--

--and nobody wanted to hang out. Half of them never even answered my messages, and the other half just hemmed and hawed for weeks and weeks and weeks, and I kept after two of them whom I thought were good friends for months with nothing to show for it.

And that’s when it clicked for me. This has been true since high school--as soon as I’m not forced to be with people every day because of work or school or what-have-you, nobody wants me in their life. Nobody from middle school, high school, or college, nobody from any of my jobs, nobody I’ve met in any casual setting--literally nobody. I have zero IRL friends.

For a long time, I assumed that was because I was the one who wasn’t expending enough effort, and for a long time I addressed that as best I could and it just--never worked out. Never. Not once, and I’m thirty years old.

I think the phrase “the only constant of all my failed relationships is me” applies here, and when I saw the pattern and actually started paying attention to how people react to me, it’s obvious that, in a word, I’m annoying. Not in a super high-energy way where I’m talking in your face, invading your personal space, and yapping on and on about shit nobody cares about, but in a low-level way where people have neutral expressions until they look at me--and then they frown. Then they smile to mirror my smile out of basic human decency.

So this isn’t a new thing. It’s been going on for a long, long time, but it’s only been recently that I kinda figured out what was happening.

Thank goodness for the Internet! I’ve got some good friends on here, and it’s just--I shiver when I think about what it might be like if I lived someplace or sometime where there wasn’t a buffered place where my positive traits aren’t inevitably lost among the negative ones. The Internet’s allowed me to hang out with super good people without overwhelming them with just how--too much--I am.

Now, I don’t want this to be a sob story or an excuse, in a “wah wah wah, I’m unlikeable and annoying but there’s nothing I can do about it because really I’m just too lazy to improve my personality, wah wah wah,” kind of way, because now that I’ve noticed the pattern and now that I’m working, when my health insurance kicks in I’d like to find and work with a psychologist and maybe identify how I can achieve or at least simulate entry-level likeability so that I’m not such a burden on all my IRL coworkers and acquaintances.

I mean, if nothing else, the fact that this has been going on for so long is proof that I’m incapable of solving it by myself.

So maybe it’ll turn out that I’m not unlikeable after all! That would be nice!

But I’ve been like this for three decades, so progress will likely be slow. In the meantime, and throughout the treatment if there a treatment, this is just something that’s a part of my life, like the inconvenient bus schedule or the lack of diet soda here.

And if I’m incapable of resolving this even with help, then this will just be the way things are and I’ll just have to live with it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#asks #personal #Anonymous

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brinaedwards · 3 years

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Inside our Culture: Its Definitely Something

When I would talk to my grandparents about what life was like growing up during the Great Depression, or when I would ask my parents what it was like growing up during the Civil Rights Movement. The response was always the same “it was definitely something”. I never understood what that meant when I was younger. I never understood why the answer didn’t have more detail. I would ask myself “where are the stories” “what really happened that the history books left out”. But now that we are in the middle of such a changing time, a time where we are dealing with a global pandemic, a vast cultural movement and wondering what the next day will bring, I can now understand why the answer was simply “it was definitely something”. I can understand that because well, it definitely is something.

We live in a world that is basically controlled by the media. I’m not wrong in saying this because I can post something now and a year later be shamed for it. My words or posts can be used against me to prove a point. We all know I’m talking about cancel culture and while yes it is warranted, I feel that is taken in the wrong direction. That it fell victim to wrong hands. Media has given us this false idea that everything has to be perfect and if we fall out of line we get shamed for it. Not just by your group of friends, your town, your state but by the whole world. Once you have been canceled by a majority, there is not going back. Betty Hart puts out an idea that we should “suffer” together in her TED Talk about Cancel culture. She doesn’t mean that in a bad way, however she means it in a way that we should respect each other's opinions, that we should go about ideologies in a “compassionate way” rather than such a hateful and one sided position. Easier said than done right?

I fell into this cultural rabbit whole and like many vast movements there are so many moving parts. It’s not just limited to one thing, everything is connected. As I was in my search I noticed that cancel culture and the #MeToo movements are connected. These past few years, sexaul assault confessions have been made more public. We saw a new light shine on Hollywood which shook a lot of people. More stories came out and the world got a huge wake up call that our systems our, our abuse of power went to very dark places. That power was abused by powerful men, men that would before be seen as Saints and could do no harm. The MeToo Movement page says that rape culture isn’t just sexual assult. It can be subtle jokes, misogynist phrases, even unsubtle statements.

The more I found out the more I came to the conclusion that there is another aspect of cancel culture. Racism has always been an issue in our society. It can be subtle, it can be full-frontal even. The more I dug the more disgusted I got by a society I grew up in. A society I was taught to love and respect. But then, it hit me. The emotions I’m going through, the thoughts swirling through my head of what the next day will bring must have been what my parents and grandparents felt during their time in such an unknown world.

In that moment I knew I had to ask others what life was like back then, what it must feel like now with all this chaos going on. I reached out to five people who were willing to tell their stories, reached out to those in high professional positions, to those who live as normal residents. I spoke to Mookie, a Brooklyn resident of Bedford-Stuyvesant neighborhood. John “Bluto” Blutatsky a former D. C man who is facing his own battle with cancel culture. Dr. Gilbert Lowe who was close friends with Dr. Lewis Skolnick, the scientist facing multiple rape allegations. Wan Li a.k.a. “Short Round” a very close colleague of the late Dr. Indiana Jones and Samantha Baker-Ryan.

MOOKIE:

Q: It’s been a little over a year since the death of George Floyd. How do you feel about his death being the tipping point of this year's recent BLM activity?

A: People like to think that what happened to Floyd was a new thing. Shit like that happens all the time around here. Police didn't do shit, they killed our friend Radio Rakeem back in the day. Everyone saw it but did nothing.

Q: If you could change one thing about how police behave or their procedures, what would it be?

A: HA! For one thing I would change the man on the top. Switch him out for someone like us, someone who knows what it is like growing up around here.

Q: Do you feel that police back then were different from police today?

A:No. They all the same. They may change how they word shit, dress everything up all nice for the cameras but it's all the same. Ain’t nothing ever changin no matter what everyone is tryin to do.

Q: Do you think there will ever be peace in this world, well America, when it comes to the topic of race?

A: Peace? Listen there is one thing I know, one thing that only matters and that’s doing the right thing. Whether that be for your community or yourself. I’ve been living here all my life and i’ve seen alot of shit. But ain’t no one asking me about peace. You want an answer to that? No, not in my lifetime and probably no in yours. Like I said everything is the same, the players may be different but hunny its the same game. We all play even if we don’t want to.

Q: What would you tell your younger self about the world today?

A: Hang on tight cuz it only goes downhill from here.

JOHN “BLUTO” BLUTATSKY:

Q: Do you believe school/college is harder than it was when you were a student?

A: In all honesty I don’t remember doing much studying back then but with all these gadgets and high speed internet it don’t think it would be that difficult.

Q: You were recently “canceled” how are you dealing with that

A: I'm not a subscription to some magazine that can just be deleted. You can’t cancel anyone that is absurd. Is that what we are calling that? “Canceled” Jesus what did I do? That was all in the past, Get over it.

Q: I take it you don’t agree that people should bend to todays culture?

A: Listen, I am not responsible for the Bluto of the past, I'm only responsible for the man I am today. I should not be ridiculed for things I did as a young adult. I was drunk half the time so what? I say one thing about a dress code and now I am the bad guy. I could have done something with my career, I could have gone far up in D.C but no.

Q: How do you feel about the recent sexual assault allegation against your once school mate Eric “Otter” Stratton?

A: What Otter did to those girls has nothing to do with me. Next question.

Q: Do you think your daughters or granddaughters should be treated by men the same way you and your buddies treated girls back then?

A: Oh my God, of course not. We were just young men back then, hormones!! Not for nothing but those girls should have known better than to flaunt themselves around like that. I know my kids and grandkids know better than to dress like that.

DR. GILBERT LOWE:

Q: Your best friend's ex wife came out saying that she was raped by Lewis in college. Do you care to elaborate on that?

A: I had no knowledge of that at the time. He told me it was consensual and I believed him. He had no reason to lie to me.

Q: She stated that he “dressed in the same costume as her then boyfriend, performed sexual activity without revealing his identity. Gilbert, would you consider that to be rape?

A: Well I suppose yes but, she could have had him take off the mask beforehand. Like I said, Lewis told me it was consensual back then.

Q: So do you believe that it was right your friends relationship, hell, marriage was based on sexual assault?

A: I say this again, I was told it was consensual at the time. Even if it was rape, the statue of limitaions is way up. Nothing legally could be done about it now. Can we move on please.

Q: Can you elaborate on your collaboration with the cameras you and your friends placed in the sorority house?

A: I'm not going to elaborate on that at all. After what happened to my friend, saying anything about a napkin the wrong way can tank my career.

Q: Just one more question, do you believe that selling nude images of a girls photo in a college fair was wrong at the time?

A: I'm leaving.

WAN LI “SHORT ROUND”:

Q: Can you describe your life before you met Indiana Jones?

A: Ah, yes. I don’t remember much. It happened such a long time ago but from what I do remember, it was awful. I was what would be called “trafficked”. I remember being so scared being sold off to someone. I didn’t know what would happen to me.

Q: Do you think Indiana was racist and did he ever make you feel less than?

A: No, I don't think he was racist. He was a man of knowledge and culture. He never stayed in one place. He wanted adventure, he wanted to learn new things, new people. I was treated nicely by his side. I learned so much, I was given so much. He treated me like a son and for that I am grateful.

Q: How do you feel about the recent allegations of your late friend being defamed a racist?

A: I feel sick. Who ever said that is reaching, looking too hard at something that isn’t there. I told you the man was always looking at different cultures, he was very open minded. If anything he was the one who fell victim to racial scrutiny being the only white man in some of the places we explored.

Q: Do you think you benefited from being with Indiana?

A: My time with Dr.Jones was the best time of my life. I would have been dead a very long time ago if it weren't for that man, he was my best friend.

Q: How do you think this world can be changed culturally?

A: I think this world could use a little self reflection. I believe if people were to just put away the hatred. Put away the finger pointing of the past, to accept the bad things and to maybe forgive. We could all benefit.

SAMANTHA BAKER-RYAN”

Q: Samantha, being a highschool principal what do you think is the problem with cancel culture?

A: Oh I think it is consuming children. Kids stare at their phones all day concerned about their favorite actors and actresses being persecuted from God knows what. Not to mention how it is affecting the parents.

Q: What are your thoughts on the recent sexuall assault allegations against one of your teachers?

A: The situation is being handled, I can’t elaborate on it anymore.

Q: Being a highschool principal, what are your thoughts on the dress code, specifically to the girls?

A: Our dress code is there for a reason, girls can wear very provocative things, and don't want boys getting the wrong idea now. I understand why that question would be brought up and I have had my arguments with parents but I don’t make the rules I just enforce them.

Q: With the recent allaegations against on of your teachers, have you held any assembles regarding sexual assault, consent etc?

A: Yes, we have. There are weekly assemblies about the matter. We focus on the use of safe sex, consentual sex and if there is anyone who has fell victim to such assault to come forward.

Q: Have you known someone that fell prey to such things?

A: I don’t know this person personally but I heard such things happen at my old highschool when I went there. It was disgusting to think that men could do as they please even when you weren’t conscience.

After those interviews I came to the conclusion that, we can’t change everyone’s point of view on things. Betty Hart said it right when she talked about “compassion” there will be those with different opinions but we have to understand from another perspective. Luvvie Ajayi talks about being a domino. That change only happens when that first domino falls. With that I like to think that we are all the dominos, falling waiting for the sequence to end. But like some domino setups, things may take time. There may be bigger things that need to fall. At the end of the falling dominos, a picture is revealed. We all may just have to wait till the picture is seen.

Buchanan, Larry, et al. “Black Lives Matter May Be the Largest Movement in U.S. History.” The New York Times, The New York Times, 3 July 2020, https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2020/07/03/us/george-floyd-protests-crowd-size.html.

“Canceling Cancel Culture with Compassion” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbihoXj0QwM

“Get Comfortable with being uncomfortable” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QijH4UAqGD8

Vogels, Emily A., et al. “Americans and 'Cancel Culture': Where Some See Calls for Accountability, Others See Censorship, Punishment.” Pew Research Center: Internet, Science & Tech, Pew Research Center, 27 Sept. 2021, https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2021/05/19/americans-and-cancel-culture-where-some-see-calls-for-accountability-others-see-censorship-punishment/.

“You're Not Alone.” Me Too. Movement, 16 Apr. 2021, https://metoomvmt.org/disrupt-rape-culture/.

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