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jadelotusflower · 2 years

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Robin Hood Rewatch: 3x02 Cause and Effect

This episode is not only the introduction to fandom’s most despised character and contains some very questionable Irish accents, but is also where Robin teams up with a slaver.

Season 3, everyone!

We start with a montage of the gang doing their thing, as Much proclaims, “we’re back!”

Then we’re back at Locksley, where the able bodied men are being rounded up, branded, and imprisoned for transport. Guy is as usual following orders overseeing the operation, not giving a thought to what is going to happen to Locksley if half the population is removed - who is going to do the work? Not much point in him being lord if there’s not enough people to bring in the harvest and pay their taxes.

And then we see Kate for the first time, and I forgot how terrible her introduction is. She is warned by her mother not to take food to her brother Matthew, who is hiding to avoid being press ganged, because the guards may see and give the game away. She is petulant and does it anyway, and lo and behold, gives the game away, and he is captured!

I want to preface criticism of Kate by making clear that I very much like Joanne Froggatt as an actress, and she did the best she could with some terrible writing. I do in fact blame the writers; in the episode Simon J Ashford, who also wrote Dead Man Walking, Booby and the Beast, and Treasure of the Nation, which were all pretty middling episodes too. He also wrote the season 3 finale Something Worth Fighting For Pt 2 which is...interesting.

This braid is a crime against humanity.

Okay, I’m going to try to be fair to Kate, because it’s not her fault Matthew is taken, it’s Guys, but it’s bold to introduce your new female character making a monumental mistake that IIRC she never really reckons with, just blames everyone else for.

I’d forgotten that Guy actually orders Kate to be flogged, yeesh. She kicks the guard and runs away, Robin barrels into her and hides her, Much is instantly smitten, and Allan gives the best face of the season:

“We thought you were gone forever - my little sister thinks Robin Hood is just a story.” Uh...she didn’t hear about the resurrected from the dead eclipse miracle? In Robin’s own village? Where she no doubt knew people that saw it with their own eyes? This would work in a village further out where Robin is more of a legend than a real man, but Locksley? It doesn’t ring true at all.

It’s unclear a) how old Kate is meant to be, and b) how long her family has lived in Locksley. The implication is not long, since she reacts to him in a way that suggests she sees him as “Robin Hood” not “Robin the former lord” - and neither Robin nor Much know who she is.

Now, it’s not a bad idea to have our new character be skeptical/critical of Robin and his methods, I just question to choice for Kate to be from Locksley - in fact the whole plot to be about people from Locksley. Again, why would Guy go along with gutting the seat of Huntingdon, and therefore his own holdings? Unless he truly just doesn’t care anymore, which is perhaps the case.

Allan ribs Much about Kate, and I continue to enjoy them as a pair.

And here we have Bad Irish Accent No. 1 aka Tiernan McMurrough, and his cause: “Ireland, for the Irish, under an Irish king.”

A bit of context: Ireland had been invaded by the Normans, and in the later 12th Century they held vast territories there. Ruaidrí Ua Conchobair was the last High King of Ireland and died in 1198, still a few years after the show (if we assume that it’s currently 1195 based on the first season set in 1192). The Treaty of Windsor let Ruaidrí keep his territories so long as he pledged fealty to the English King, however conflict continued, and Henry II declared John (not Richard) the Lord of Ireland in 1177.

We also find out that Guy’s mother was French. Last episode we got a mention of Robin’s father - they’re sowing the seeds for the revelations later in the season.

The gang plans to free the Locksley men, Robin wants to wait, and John can somehow smell trouble (???), but Kate barges in and the rest have to follow. I’m not sure if this is meant to be a callback to Marian in 2x08 or not, but at least then Marian had a weapon and there was immediate danger to the people she was trying to save.

But the trouble John smelled (???) arrives, and the gang escape but Robin is captured alongside the Locksley men. Matthew, who seems a good sort, gives Robin a hood to hide his identity.

Tuck assumes command, much to Allan’s chagrin, and Kate runs off while they’re not looking.

Bad Irish Accent No. 2 is Tiernan’s older brother Finn, and we find out their plan is to procure the men from Locksley to fight in their army and declare Finn the King of Ireland. So, they’re slavers. Finn calls them “conscripts”, but they’re enslaving men to help them depose invaders and this whole plot is very yikes.

Guy points out the danger of providing an army to men who want to overthrow Prince John, but Vaisey still needs to pay his patronage money and doesn’t care where it comes from.

Robin inspires Matthew and the other men to fight for their freedom, while Kate sneaks into the castle and is quickly captured by Guy. He orders Matthew hanged, and in a stellar act of moral fortitude, Kate offers up Robin in exchange for her brother’s life.

Finn is impressed by Robin’s leadership, as the men are doing well until Guy holds a sword to Kate’s throat - Matthew tries to save her but is skewered.

Guy almost gets the chance to kill Robin but Vaisey scuttles it - he wants a long and painful death. Or he just wants to get back at Guy for questioning him.

Robin’s got his bravado back - he proclaims Vaisey’s inescapable dungeon “a challenge” and needles Guy about his self-loathing - “you’ll never hate me as much as you hate yourself” is pretty astute.

But he has an odd reaction to Finn’s “they tell me you lost the woman you love” - laughs and deflects.

Finn tries to recruit Robin, mistakenly appealing to his ambition by suggesting they help make each other kings, but Robin is still loyal to Richard. It’s not clear what claim Finn thinks he has to the Irish throne - perhaps he’s intended to be a descendant of Dermod MacMurrough, the King of Leinster who was deposed by Ruaidrí Ua Conchobair. Ironically, it was he who engaged the assistance of Henry II, intending to use the English invasion of Ireland to become High King himself.

The choice of the name Finn might be intended to evoke the great warrior of Irish mythology Fionn mac Cumhaill (aka Finn McCool).

The gang intend to rescue Robin instead of intercepting the men being transporting to Ireland, and Kate is actually quite right that it’s wrong they would choose the life of one man over the lives of hundreds. However, this point is immediately undercut by her admitting she gave up Robin to try and save her brother, and would do it again.

She actually has quite a good speech that the “idea” of Robin Hood shouldn’t be more important than the lives of people like her brother - after all that was the point of “We Are Robin Hood” from last season - but it’s hard to side with her through the hypocrisy of her being willing to trade lives when it suits her, but it “makes her sick” when others do it.

I am actually pretty impressed they got Tuck out of the monk robes and into this very nice outfit.

Finn’s plan is to break Robin out anyway, thinking Robin will join them out of gratitude I guess?

Meanwhile, Robin is trying to break himself out with the help of a cute little mouse.

But Tiernan sells his brother out, and Finn gets thrown into the cell too, and all it takes is admitting that he shouldn’t have come to England for Robin to decide they can be allies after all.

Remember in season 1, when Robin was punching slavers in the face?

Kate returns to her mother, who blames Robin entirely for what has happened, and fearing reprisals from the Sheriff. She also slaps Kate when she says they shouldn’t just stand there and take it - so we can see where a lot of Kate’s attitude comes from, but of course both of these women are reeling from Matthew’s death so naturally emotions are high.

This is actually not a bad scene - Kate admits her culpability in what happened, and when her mother continues to blame Robin for Matthew’s death “with his talk of fighting for a better future” she disagrees and decides to help the gang save Robin to honour her brother.

Guy gets the go ahead to kill Robin while Vaisey leads the transport of the prisoners, but Robin and Finn crawl through the air vents, climb up the castle wall, and escape on a makeshift glider.

They then intercept and save the village men, capture Tiernan and get the money, while Vaisey and Guy retreat.

And then Robin gives Finn back his money! The money he was going to use to buy slaves! Yes, he does leave Robin with some to be given to the men, but Finn is not a good guy! His cause may be just, but he was willing to enslave men in aid of it! That doesn’t get washed away!

Look, I understand Robin using Finn as a means to an end, but giving him a hug, calling him a friend? It’s gross.

Maybe if Finn had believed that the men were volunteers/paid soldiers, and the Sheriff was going to distribute the money to the families, while Tiernan really had the slaves plan with Vaisey, this alliance wouldn’t have left such a bad taste in my mouth.

Vaisey hands Guy over to Prince John’s men in lieu of the patronage money, and off to London he goes. Let’s hope he finds some shampoo there.

Robin thanks Kate, and she says she paid her debt for turning him in - even though she didn’t actually do anything! She tagged along, that’s it!

Kate’s experiencing character growth whiplash - she’s now back in line with her mother’s opinion that Robin raises false hopes in people, and says she never wants to see him again.

Tuck points out that it’s a grief response - and I don’t want to be too hard on Kate this episode because of that. We’ve seen characters on this show do or almost do terrible things because of grief.

Still, the writing does her character no favours, because Kate seems to have two modes: Petulant and Self Righteous, and that’s a hard way to endear a new character to an audience, especially when that character is ostensibly a replacement for the two beloved female characters we lost last season.

Which by the way, we got an oblique Marian reference this episode, but not a word has been said of Djaq or Will. They really just want us to forget they ever existed, huh?

Robin starts building his army, which is actually a very good plot escalation - after the events in the Holy Land, it’s clear that the gang cannot remain the few that they are, doing what they can waiting for Richard to return. They have to take action themselves, and they have to start gathering forces for true insurrection.

#robin hood rewatch #robin hood bbc #3x02 #cause and effect

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flyinglotus777 · 3 years

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Netflix’s Squid Game

SPOILER ALERT! If you are interested in watching the series, I HIGHLY suggest you do so. This article will be an overall synopsis and my review of the show. For an in-depth analysis of the symbolism of the show and ending, scroll down to the fourth to last paragraph.

The Netflix show, “Squid Game,” written and directed by Hwang Dong-hyuk is a phenomenal Korean drama centered around our victor, Seong Gi-hun, played by Lee Jung-jae. Contestants were recruited to play in a life or death competition due to their lack of luck, financial knowledge, and influx of impending debt they have accumulated throughout their lives. We first meet Gi-hun as he is down on his luck. Living with his elderly, overworked mother (which in countries outside of the United States is not strange nor uncommon) Gi-hun was a friend to gambling, but that toxic love caused him to be in debt to a gang of (what seemed to be) loan sharks. When luck finally strikes him on the race track, life simultaneously decides to take an excrement on his reality. His debt seekers catch him on his hot streak and involuntarily sign him up to be a participant in the Squid Game.

Similar to many other of the 456 participants, they all shared a common denominator of being in situations it seemed only money could fix. Upon arrival the contestants were asked to voluntarily sign wavers in order to participate in the game, while unknowingly risking their lives, for the opportunity to win 456 billion won (which would be roughly over $3.5 million in US currency). The challenges were mostly based on nostalgic childhood games, both based in the United States and South Korea.

Now I knew due to the explanation in the introduction of episode one that if any player were to lose, they would die. So during the first challenge of red light green light, when players were bulletly penalized for losing I was not surprised. After the game, the players decided to rally together and quit playing. The influence of the cash prize split the decision down the middle, leaving the old man, player 1, to be the final decision. To my surprise he actually chose to decline, freeing all of the players. During the voting, many players screamed at each other as to why they would choose to stay in the hell hole as other players responded that the outside world was not any better if not the same as the harsh environment they were already in. This reality struck many contestants as they returned back to their reality of debt, dependents, and for some bounty hunts, thus resulting in them returning to the game.

During the whole season, I was trying to find the purpose of these games. We knew why the participants felt motivated to play, but I wondered what was the purpose of having them fight for their lives in the first place. When the PlayStation faced soldiers forced the doctor (player 111) to dissect the bodies for organs to sell at the black market, at first I thought that it was what the original game maker wanted which I thought was genius. Soon to learn that it was actually a violation to a code of equality that was placed inside the arena applying to all of those who existed, soldiers and participants alike. Which struck me as odd due to the soldiers being able to tote guns and wear masks based on their own hierarchy and the participants being collectively isolated and given numbers as if it was a remake of the Stanford Prison experiment. Nonetheless many soldiers faced the same fate as the players, and my pondering would meet the solution come the finale.

Let’s discuss players. I only favored Gi-hun because he was the protagonist, but throughout the story he grew on me as his big heart prevailed through the madness. I knew Choo Sang-woo, the embezzling business man and hometown friend of Gi-hun played by Park Hae-soo, was a psychopath when I saw him in a fully filled bathtub with his suit on. Running from the police, in debt or not, that’s just as much of a red flag for serial killer tendencies as sleeping with socks on or having too thin and highly arched eyebrows. The episode that he crossed Ali, the father of one from Pakistan with the missing fingers, made me hate Sang-woo for the rest of the series. I was infuriated and frustrated with Ali for being that naïve to believe that they could escape the round as a duo, but understood his perspective since up until that point Sang-woo was a dependable, trusted ally to Ali. However after that episode I didn’t care who won, I was just ready for Sang-woo to die.

Kang Sae-byeok, the skeptical and beautiful warrior from North Korea played by Jung Ho-yeon, deserves her own paragraph. Along with her beauty, her presence and demeanor was so bad ass. She was thrifty and intelligent, as her talent being pick pocketing. I was waiting for her to just be so bad ass. As the punk disguised to be gangster, Jang Deok-su, pushed her around which seemed to be normal behavior between the two, I was ready for Sae-byeok to twist his arm, send a plunging round house kick to his nuts, and cut his snake tattoo right off of his face. Although her exterior was tough, her heart was made of malleable gold which we got to see as she opened up to her female companion during the marble challenge and sobbed from her loss afterwards. Although she was not the killer bad ass queen I had wanted her to be, I still call her a warrior because of her resiliency throughout life’s and the game’s many obstacles and her drive to provide her younger brother with a better life.

Thankfully Deok-su got what he deserved as Han Mi-nyeo poetically decided to take both of their lives during the glass challenge. “You said we would be together till the end,” she said before diving into her inevitable death with her short lived lover. Mi-nyeo was incredibly annoying as I would often pinch the inside corners of my eyes and scratch my eyebrows when she would appear. However that crazy bitch served justice, and I love her for that.

I was highly disappointed by the demise of the detective Hwang Jun-ho, played by the handsome Wi Ha-joon. I was rooting for detective Jun-ho, as I’m sure we all were, on his pursuit to find his brother. I was not surprised that his brother was Front Man, as I had suspected that his brother must’ve died or been apart of the game making due to his absence in real life and the current game. After discovering his brother was the victor of his year, to me it only made sense that he would be apart of the game enforcement. As we saw from Gi-hun, a normal life is impossible to live after experiencing something so traumatic as a series of death ridden children games. However I was saddened and surprised that detective Jun-ho was unsuccessful in closing down the whole operation. I mean the man was close to performing forced, aristocratic fellatio in the name of serving and protecting the law. I truly thought because he had gotten so far and was so close to exposing the operation that the only choice he had was to be successful. At last he was shot and killed by his own blood, the one he had been looking for; providing us with a cinematic and heart jerking ending to detective Jun-ho.

Lastly lets discuss the old man, player 001 named O Yeong-su, whom I also nicknamed Poppy during the series. Deceivingly innocent and weak, I genuinely liked Yeong-su throughout the game play. I thoroughly enjoyed his relationship with Gi-hun and saw him as a valuable player in most instances. I believe he was one of the main reasons that Gi-hun continued to lead with his heart. Gi-hun claimed that Yeong-su was the reason he returned to the games and later found out that Yeong-su was the reason there were games in the first place. The climatic episode of the marble challenge was when their relationship had been defined as “gganbu” (which is a term for trusted, close friends in Korean, as explained in the series), thus Yeong-su establishing a special place in Gi-hun’s heart. During the challenge, Yeong-su begins to have an episode of what we all assumed to be dementia as the arena they are playing in is designed like his old neighborhood and he abandons the game to take a trip down memory lane. Gi-hun screams in frustration at the old man to play with him only to end up losing in their even and odd game and resulting in deceit, tricking the old man to let him be the victor. Now if I was Gi-hun, I would’ve convinced Yeong-su to let me hold his marbles for safe keeping and let him have a fun time reminiscing on his life while he ran down the clock. Then when it was time, I would’ve turned in all 20 marbles just as Sang-woo did and went about my business. It would’ve only been right for the old man to forfeit as he was already on his death bed, or so we innocently thought. Before I get into the ending, I want to talk about the last match between Sang-woo and Gi-hun.

Finally, the last game to see who would be victorious in a highly anticipated game of Squid between Gi-hun and Sang-woo. It seemed as if it were a battle between good vs evil; Gi-hun representing a more benevolent side as he would often optimistically look to help other competitors and extend the kindness he had been shown versus Sang-woo who represented a more vindictive and ruthless side, determined to hurt anyone in order to receive his highly coveted and long awaited prize in an arena that erased any foundation of morals or ethics as soon as the light turned red. Luck was on Gi-hun’s side as he had the opportunity to play offense. With a cunning mind and a vengeance for Sae-byeok’s death, Gi-hun delivered a can of whoop ass to his opponent. As the saying goes, the good shall always prevail. Perhaps his heart was too pure as Gi-hun halted from crossing the finish line and offered Sang-woo a chance to live, thus forfeiting the prize money. Needless to say, I applauded when Sang-woo committed suicide as it was the only right thing to do in his position.

A year passed by and Gi-hun seemed worse than before. Physically his style was bummy wealthy, a look pioneered by Bill Gates, but mentally he was in shambles. How could you blame him? Gi-hun discovered that the responsible party for these horrendous events was none other than his ggangbu, old man Yeong-su. The biggest, jaw dropping plot twist of the entire series. As they were joined on Christmas Eve and Yeong-su on his death bed, they placed one final bet on an assumed to be drunken, homeless man who sat on the streets as it snowed and waited for help to arrive. Yeong-su explained how he actually wanted to help people and give his money to people who needed it, but wanted to do it in an “entertaining way.” As Gi-hun flared with outrage towards the old man for finding amusement in killing people, the old man rebutted using horse races as an example of people’s amusement. Yeong-su also said he participated in the games because it was more fun to play than to be a spectator, which I had noticed him treating the competition as if it were adult summer camp. I had just assumed since he was old, he didn’t care if he had died or not.

I think most people will think that this show was a metaphor about how money and rich people are evil. However I think it can be seen as commentary on society as a whole, not just the wealthy. Yeong-su says on his death bed that it’s a test of humanity, and asks Gi-hun if he still has faith in humanity after what he has experienced. Although money was the luring motivator to win the game, people still chose to return to the competition to escape their problems. Sure, money was apart of their problems as all of the players (excluding Yeong-su) were in debt, but that was due to choices that they had made. Whether it had been through embezzling, gambling, lack of luck, or financial ignorance, it was the people who had gotten themselves into those situations. Money doesn’t have a personal vendetta against anyone nor does it have an inherent quality of good or evil. Money is a neutral energy used to be exchanged for goods and services. It’s people who designate that energy to their humane or inhumane desires.

Leading to the next point of the wealthy and how they are seen to be evil due to having wealth. Although I do believe that there are some wealthy people who act as villains, money didn’t create the villain inside of them. Those people were going to behave maliciously whether they have money or not. The VIPs, who were spectating the finale of challenges, were tied to a bank devoted to the wealthy and gambled on the competitors who played (and most likely helped subsidize the events). We place judgement on them, but as Yeong-su said, people gamble on horse races. Although people are not animals and by my knowledge I don’t believe most or any horses die during these races, it is still the principle of watching an entity being tortured for amusement, which is not only confined to the wealthy population. When the concept of killing and tormenting living breathing beings for amusement is normalized within society, the lines begin to blur on who is okay to perform and who is not. Take the audience of this show for example, we all watched a show where hundreds of people were mercilessly killed for the desire of winning a cash prize for our own amusement, thus making “Squid Game” the number one show on Netflix at the moment. Although the show is fictional and brilliantly written, this Hunger Games concept is not new. We come in contact again and again with the idea of people who are disadvantaged given an opportunity to better their lives through inhumane means, including risking their own lives or actively sacrificing the life of another, and being spectators on the edge of our seats who can’t seem to look away. It is no different than a Roman gladiator match in a grand colosseum, which in modern day would be a MMA fight at the MGM hotel. We blame it on the rich who are ridiculed for creating these events, but at the end of the day it is the people, rich,poor, and everyone in between, who continue to still go along with it and to some extent desire it. Which makes me question, what does that say about humanity, and do I actually have faith in us? Although Gi-hun went through hell and back, he still remained pure of heart and used his wealth to enhance his life and those around him; proving that wealthy people can still be benevolent and desire righteous good. Similar to Gi-hun, the optimist in me wants to believe that there are still people in this world with good hearts, but I guess we just have to wait until the time comes to see.

Ultimately the show was phenomenal, and definitely sparked a desire inside of me to watch more Korean dramas. I don’t think the show will have a second season. Simply because I think the story line would be better cut off there, thus leaving the audience always wanting more. However if season 2 ever comes out, I’m ready for Gi-hun to take a Liam Neeson approach to ending the Squid Game and hopefully with a beard. Thank you for reading my article. I know it was incredibly lengthy. I have just finished the season after a 2 day binge watch, and have a lot of emotions and thoughts ruminating in my brain. Let me know what you think of the show and what you think of the article. Did anyone else notice the paintings of the games on the walls of the dormitory?

God bless.

#squid game #netflix #review #korean drama #kdrama #series review #web series

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coldalbion · 3 years

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I saw your recent reply to another anonymous writer made me realize I have a question about (for lack of a better word) inclusive Norse heathenism vs. Odinism and racist heathenism.

I've seen a lot of modern heathens saying "we have to reclaim heathenism from the racists" as though their position ("heathenism is not historically racist") was the historical mainstream.

And yet, isn't it the case that the Thule Society is kind of an outgrowth of Wagnerism? And isn't Richard Wagner basing his operas on racist versions of Germanic/Nordic mythology?

The question is, isn't the recent inclusive heathenism currently in circulation the minority or heretical opinion arising when considered against the last three hundred years or so of heathenism's development, source material, and "theological" scholarship?

It's not so much a reclaiming, is it, as a countering or spiritual warfare against the previous dominant paradigm?

“Inclusive Heathenry” is an outgrowth of so-called “Universalist” heathenry which operated in distinction to “folkish” heathenry. The Thule Society was an early 20th century thing, and Wagner was 19th century. Wagner was embedded in German Romantics which included both Left and Right Wing political opinions. This is extremely important to note because Romantic movements towards neopaganism, Norse, German, British ,while generally conservative (deliberate small c) were *not* solely right wing projects, nor solely nationalist in nature. Just as Icelandic Asatru developed alongside the Odinic Rite, the AFA etc, in the 1970s it is clear that interest and desire has always existed amongst the non (and even anti) racist. To suggest that the non or anti-racist is in the minority is to fall for the idea that just because a group is loud, vocal, or is recorded more by media, pop culture, or historians, those folks are the majority. It’s like thinking all Communists are Stalinists, or all Americans loved Trump, or all Jews support the state of Israel The erasure of complexity, nuance, and variant narratives always cedes power and ideology to those who would cast history in a particular way. I do not accept, and I’m fairly sure that history will back me, that racism was “dominant”. It’s there, all over it, but I think it’s mistake to view such things within that “racism was/is dominant” frame. Certainly inclusive heathenry is attempting to counter racism. Just as anti-fascists countered (and still do) white supremacist and racist gangs on the streets of cities. Yet those same anti-fascists sought to “reclaim” their streets. Because the streets were not inherently fascist, and to say they were is to already cede them to the fascists, and to place themselves in a reactionary frame. Anything that allows the racists to say “we’ve already won and you’re going to have to take this from us” cedes power and victory to them a priori, and allows them to think they’re better, more righteous etc, which they love because it enhances their sense of supremacy and superiority. It gives them what they want - winning without a fight so they can say “you’re interlopers, we have the weight of history and majority behind us.” And frankly, fuck that shit.

#inclusive heathenry #Anonymous

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pochiperpe90 · 3 years

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Points of view – The Interview: Luca Marinelli

How do you approach your characters.

Sometimes I also wonder how I get to the character. For “Non essere cattivo”, I had a very detailed script and a fascinating director at my disposal, so I didn't struggle to relate. It was a very brave script for the way it dealt with reality. At first my auditions went in the direction of Vittorio's character but also knowing the figure of Cesare, more than once I thought I would like to play him. I saw the auditions of others and I stopped to think how I could have done Cesare. Then at a certain point I remember that Claudio looked at Valerio and told him that it would be better to reverse the roles, to let me try Cesare, and so it went. When I read the script of “Lo chiamavano Jeeg Robot”, the first thing that struck me, besides the courageous imagination, was to understand how a film of this kind could be made.

In the first part of your career, you brought an image of introverted and staid youth to the screen. Was this a choice.

Absolutely not. Or rather yes, it was the choice of those who met me first. Perhaps a part of my personality has been seen that could best marry the characters in question. It happened both in “La solitudine dei numeri primi” by Saverio Costanzo and later with Virzì in "Tutti i santi giorni", then it can be said that with Casare of “Non essere cattivo” and the Zingaro of “Lo chiamavano Jeeg Robot” I was allowed to turn things around slightly, to play a character who had a disposition and behavior that was completely the opposite of what I had faced previously.

What do you remember about your debut with Saverio Costanzo.

He was my initiation into cinema, I came from the Academy and I had no idea what it was like to work on a set. The best memory, in addition to the experience of the film with him and Alba, is the first meeting, the first audition, where I really understood that I strongly wanted to work with him and that if this had happened I would have ended up in the hands of a great author.

With that film you found yourself in the main competition of the Venice Film Festival. What memories do you have of that first time at the lido.

Of a huge confusion and a big headache. We were tossed around from one interview to another and not only that, because the worst thing was always answering the same questions, and I was terribly worried not to make the situation even more boring for the machine operator, who never changed, and I don't think could take it longer to hear the same phrases over and over. Fortunately, Alba was there as well and saved me in more than one interview. The experience helped me because the following times I knew slightly more what I was going through and how to manage situations and keep stress at bay. Or maybe not yet, it's a long way.

I noticed that when you talk about your job you do it using the verb “to play” (giocare). Is it a coincidence or the choice has a precise meaning.

Perhaps it’s not a coincidence that in English the term recite is said precisely in this way because in my opinion to play, or the French jouez, represents the feeling of freedom and fun that is inherent in the job I do, better. As far as I'm concerned, the moment of the take is when the actor has to stop thinking, abandon worries, to be able to bring out the energy of his character. He has to play with the same seriousness and commitment with which a child does. I remember a piece of advice from Carlo Cecchi on the fact that in acting counts listening and the here and now. Being actively present to oneself and to others at that exact moment.

You have a method for achieving this condition.

If someone asked me something about technique, I wouldn't know what to answer, apart from listening. On the set of Andrea Molaioli's film in which I am the father of the young protagonist, the actor who plays him, Ludovico, who is really good, full of talent and very smart, once asked me what was the technique to make the best of the character, and the only thing I felt able to advise him was to try to be present in that moment and then to let go, listen and not think about the rest.

But I imagine that there are also practical aspects in the preparation that precedes the start of filming.

As for me, I try to prepare as much as I can before arriving on set because at the start of the shoot it would be good to be ready. But not everything happens automatically, in the sense that you can’t always find the character immediately. However, I have always been lucky enough to have more or less long periods of rehearsal before starting a film. I remember this moment with Saverio and Alba, where we spent weeks among us and also with the kids who would have played us as children, to try the various scenes and to create a union and harmony between the characters. The same happened with Paolo Virzì, Thony and I, more than once we gather, facing the script, to clarify all the passages and moments of the scenes.

And how did things go with Claudio Caligari.

The same thing also happened with Claudio even though the illness made everything more complicated for him. He asked us to change our bodies, to participate in the auditions of the other actors. This allowed all of us, the cast, to integrate and develop a unity of purpose and a truly rare familiarity. So in front of the camera it seemed to me that the gang, to which Cesare and Vittorio belonged, was really part of my life, that it wasn’t hard to pass from Luca to Cesare, because I had found him. And always to identify with the environment of the story, I preferred a house in Ostia, and Alessandro often came to me from Rome to spend time between the two of us. Claudio, in addition to having reading meetings together, also showed us films that were a source of inspiration for him for this film, such as “Accattone” by Pier Paolo Pasolini, “Rocco e i suoi fratelli” by Luchino Visconti and “Mean Sreet” by Martin Scorsese.

Instead, I wanted to ask you what happens between takes, for example when you come home after a day of work. You stay inside the character as it happens to Daniel Day Lewis, or you put it aside and think of something else like Marcello Mastroianni did.

I try to disconnect from the set. I try. I go home and try to do something else, but the last thought before falling asleep always goes to the next day's work plan and I leave myself a few minutes for the memory and concentration useful for tomorrow and then I close my eyes.

We asked Roberta Mattei and we ask you too. During the processing you were aware of the exceptional nature of what you were doing.

Yes. Let me explain: I saw with my own eyes that what was happening was exceptional, a man who was dying wanted to give his latest work to the public, to his audience, to his people, to people. This has no equal for me. Don't think about yourself in such a situation but about others.

Then it was the turn of Lo chiamavano Jeeg Robot.

I shot Jeeg Robot in March 2014, and therefore before “Non essere cattivo”. The fact that Mainetti's film is only coming out now is due to the long post-production period necessary to assemble the shot with the special effects present in the film.

Here as well it was an interpretation and a character who completely overturns the transparent and pristine image of the first part of your career.

To make Jeeg Robot we had to convince each other, Gabriele Mainetti and I, about my success in the character. I pushed him towards a theatricality and Gabriele towards a real madness, a pure pain. In the end, I think we have found the right amount.

The construction of the Zingaro was already very clear in the writing and it was up to us, however, to find its true aspect.

Guiding him is this crazy and boundless ego, and the obsession with having to leave a mark. The Zingaro's eccentricity is partly reflected in his look, halfway between a rock star and a suburban bully. For the costumes and make-up we were inspired by the great rock icons. We dared in some choices, such as the black coat with pink leopard lining that characterize the wardrobe. For the aspects related to the way of performing, his model was Anna Oxa and in particular the video of her at Sanremo, when she sings “Un’emozione da poco”.

In part you have already answered, but I wanted to know how you choose to accept the proposals that are made to you and if you have any foreclosures towards television, or more generally towards commercial cinema.

I choose the proposals on the basis of love at first sight that must happen with the film, with its screenplay. Then figure out who will be leading the film, meet the director. I don't have any kind of foreclosure, let's say that if I don't like something I don't do it and if I like it I do. And it doesn't matter if it's cinema or television.

As a spectator what is the cinema you love.

I like films that have something to say and that I also choose based on who directed and starred in it. Usually when they ask me to name some titles I have a void. Think that the same thing happened to me also during the audition to enter the experimental center, when Lina Wertmuller asked me the title of a film I had seen recently. I was struck by a cosmic void and instead of naming her an authoritative and important film I left her stunned by citing Batman, I think Nolan's first, still a good film, but I still had Wertmuller in front of me... But to go back to what you asked me, I tell you that in general I always like to watch films that come from Sundance, of which I remember, for example “Like Crazy”, which I found disarmingly beautiful, the films of P.T. Anderson, Wes Anderson, the Cohen, there are many, and among the Italians those played by Alba Rohrwacher, Valerio Mastandrea, Elio Germano, Kim Rossi Stuart and directed by Alice Rohrwacher, Costanzo, Virzì, Sorrentino, Garrone, Salvatores. Without forgetting those of the great Joaquin Phoenix. But in reality I look at everything, let's say that I try not to lose anything of these.

Despite the certificates of esteem you have received for your performances, the impression is that of an understatement that almost seems not to be aware of what you have achieved so far as an actor.

Whenever I see a film of mine I always think there is something I could have done better. But basically I'm happy with what I've done so far. Having said that, I think that the films alone should be enough to explain everything and that the interviews don’t add anything new to what there was to say before making them. But when I am in the dance, when I need to promote, I am committed to doing it in the best possible way. I strongly think that in life and at work it’s important to demonstrate that you know how to do and not to show at all costs that you do.

DREAMINGCINEMA

Just wanted to translate this old interview for the non-italian’s fans ^^ (sorry for my English)

#Luca Marinelli #interview #english translation #mine #english #non essere cattivo #lo chiamavano jeeg robot #slam tutto per una ragazza #la solitudine dei numeri primi #Tutti i santi giorni #actor #cinema #film

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thatringboy · 4 years

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Sea of Thieves - TWST AU

Based off of @ihavebecomeapenguin‘s Role Swap AU where the First year gang and their respective dorm heads all swap years! This is my second attempt at writing this fic, so I hope you enjoy!

Word count: 2,130 (another record???)

Warnings: Cursing, fight scenes, Azul Angst because this is chapter three

Getting the leader of Savanaclaw to agree with their plan was easy enough for Yuu Prefect. Jack seemed to have the idea in his head that he was obligated to help the Ramshackle student because of how the recent overblot incident went down. Yuu didn’t dislike the help they were receiving, but Jack’s insistence that they slept in his dorm while Yuu fought to get Ramshackle back from the Octavinelle leaders was a little much.

However, convincing their new friend Leona would be a much more difficult ordeal.

“That has got to be the stupidest plan I’ve ever heard.”

“Well I don’t see you coming up with any ideas! I’ve only got a few hours left!” Yuu leaned against the door as Leona flipped the page on his magazine.

“It’s not really my problem, Herbivore.” He sighed and adjusted how he laid on his bed. “What could I do?”

Yuu stood up straight. “What’s wrong with you? You were all up for raiding the vault before, what’s changed now?”

Leona shut the magazine and tossed it aside, crossing his arms and sitting deeper into his pillows. “I don’t know, maybe I’m just tired of getting my ass handed to me by walking sushi!”

Grim snorted on Yuu’s shoulder, but the Prefect was not amused. “It’s a shame, really,” they began, “Think about how people will react when they hear that the second prince of the Afterglow Savanna turned his back on his friend. What would your nephew think of that?”

Yuu knew they struck a chord deep within Leona. He was on his feet in an instant and if looks could kill, Yuu would be dead where they stood. The beastman scowled at the human before him. “Fine, but we do this my way. Your plans suck.”

Yuu’s face formed a mischievous smile. Azul Ashengrotto had crossed a line and by the Seven there would be hell to pay. Oh yes, everything was coming together nicely.

~~~

Riddle paced back and forth and twiddled his thumbs while Trey cleaned his glasses again.

“I have a bad feeling about this--”

“You always have a bad feeling.” Trey put his glasses back on.

“No, seriously! What if Trappola-Senpai finds out that we’re gone? What if we’re too late? What if Leona doesn’t agree to help the Prefect? What if we’re caught out of bed? What if--”

Trey held up a hand. “Riddle, please. Everything is gonna be ok. Just breathe and let the chips fall where they may. Speaking of which...”

The mirror to Savanaclaw lit up and four people stepped out. Leona and Yuu approached the Heartslabyul first years while Ruggie and Jack hung back, already filled in.

As Yuu explained the plan, Riddle’s nervousness slipped away. That is, until his part in the operation was explained.

“You want us to do what?” Riddle’s eyebrows shot up.

Leona smirked. “What, you scared or something?”

“N-No!” He turned bright red. “I just don’t know if I have the skills to pull this off.”

Trey put a hand on his shoulder. “You’ll do fine.”

“Thank you, Trey.”

Grim gagged, the anemone on his head wobbling. “Ew! Get a room, you two!”

Leona reached over and flicked the blue appendage. “Shut up, be glad they’re here.”

Yuu rolled their eyes. “So, then everyone knows their parts? Good, then we can get going. The sooner we finish this, the better.”

The first years nodded and passed around the potion that would allow them to breathe underwater. Jack and Ruggie disappeared back into their dorm’s mirror while Yuu and company approached the dark mirror.

In a second, they found themselves in the Coral Sea near the Alantica Memorial Museum. As per usual, a merman guard was posted outside the door. The group looked around for the infamous Leech twins and swam towards the building when they saw that the coast was clear.

Yuu might have had their iconic resting bitch face plastered for their friends to see, but the fact that no one had tried to stop them yet worried the Prefect. Trey swam ahead of the group and approached the guard while the others took cover behind a rock. Yuu could hear Trey spit out a convincing lie about wanting to explore the Museum, only to be denied by the guard. Of course, this was expected and Trey struck up a conversation between the guard, giving a small signal that it was okay for his friends to make a break for the door.

They swam behind the guard while he was distracted and pulled at the entrance, only to discover that it was locked. Leona rolled his eyes and pushed up his sleeve, activating his Unique Magic.

“I am hunger, I am thirst, I am that which steals your tomorrow. Now kneel before me, Kings Roar.”

The door handle turned to sand and he pulled the door open, earning a glare from Riddle. They swam inside the door while Trey continued to keep the attention of the guard. Yuu had to admit Trey’s ability to lie on cue was unsettling, but not unwelcomed.

Finding the picture Yuu risked their dorm for wasn’t a hard task. However, they’d forgotten that the only other reasonable person was still outside sweet talking the guard, so you can imagine how Yuu felt when Riddle took his magic pen and smashed the glass casing around the photo without a second thought.

An alarm went off somewhere in the building and it occurred to Yuu that the last time they were here, there were two guards. A Merman in armor swam around the corner and almost called for backup, but Leona gave him a swift kick to the head and knocked him out.

Maybe hanging around with himbos isn’t such a bad thing. Yuu thought to themself. They almost laughed at the mental image of calling Leona a himbo, but remained focused on the situation at hand. The four swam back out of the Museum and signaled for Trey to wrap up the conversation that he was way too invested in.

They made their escape and began to swim back to the mirror spot, but two dark shadows in the water blocked their path. The Leech brothers eyed the photo in Riddle’s hand with amusement and smiled, calculated toothy grins. Floyd’s voice ripped through the cold water and sent chills down the spines of the first years.

“That doesn’t belong to you, Shrimpy-Chan~”

~~~

Azul watched the first years sneak through the mirror and instructed the twins to give them an hour to retrieve the photo. What he hadn’t seen was the Savanaclaw leadership watching him from their respective mirror.

The Octomer returned to the Mostro Lounge and felt that the establishment lack a certain atmosphere, but then remembered that the Leech twins were off preparing to collect on his most recent contract. He kept himself busy and waved the twins off when they departed, but found his tasks boring when they left.

The Lounge didn’t open for a few minutes, but Azul could see a line forming outside. He grabbed a first year from Scarabia that he had enslaved was helping out that day and positioned him to be the host. The doors opened and Azul noticed that a large amount of customers were from Savanaclaw, but thought nothing of it.

He returned to the VIP room and checked his phone for messages before sitting down behind his large desk. Azul looked over the papers on his desk and noticed that jade had dropped off collateral on a recent contract. Azul spun around in his chair like a supervillain - which he privately enjoyed doing - and stood to open his vault. He had barley cracked the door open when a first year from his own dorm stepped into the VIP room looking distressed.

“What could possibly be so important that you come in here unannounced?”

“It’s a mad house out there, Senpai!” The first year was out of breath,

“Excuse m--”

“There’s too many of them, we can’t keep serving them!”

“Show me.”

Azul followed the first year out to the Lounge’s restaurant area and stopped. Those students from Savanaclaw who were crowding the door? They had taken up every seat! They were yelling and cursing out his waiters and throwing glasses and sending back food they deemed inedible! And of course, the smug faces of Ruggie Bucchi and Jack Howl leaned against the door frame without a care in the world.

“Mister Howl, what is the meaning of this?” Azul tried his hardest not to scream in frustration.

“That’s Howl-Senpai to you, tentacles!” Ruggie snickered.

“I haven’t the slightest idea what you mean.” Jack had a smug expression.

Someone called Azul’s name from the kitchen and yelled that they needed assistance. Jack’s smile turned sinister. “That sounds urgent, you wouldn’t want to upset your customers, would you?”

Azul’s face burned red as he struggled not to explode on them. After all, he had a reputation; one bad day couldn’t ruin that. But he did find it suspicious that this happened as soon as the twins had left. Azul returned to the kitchen and kept his eye on the Savanaclaw leaders until he stepped behind the swinging door, narrowly running into a Heartslabyul student carrying a tray of tea.

Once he was gone, Jack nodded to Ruggie and the second year made a break for the VIP room. Phase one was complete.

~~~

If this was any other circumstance, Yuu would say that the eels swimming around them was majestic. However, in this moment, Yuu struggled not to show fear.

“What should we do with the little Shrimpy and Koebe-Chan and Lionfish and their little friends, Jade?” Floyd’s nicknames for them made Riddle flush.

“I don’t know, what if you gave them a squeeze?” Jade swam a little too close to Leona and almost got slashed across the face by long nails. Yuu looked to the Heartslabyul duo and nodded. The two had their pens out in a flash and went back to back. This part of the plan required concentration and almost perfect timing. If one of them messed up, they may just become fish food.

Floyd caught on to what they were doing. “Hah! What, is little Koebe-Chan going hit me with his little necklaces?”

Riddle turned even more red, but surprisingly didn’t lash out. Yuu looked over for a second and noticed that Trey was holding his hand to keep him calm. Yuu turned their attention back to Jade as Leona swiped at him again. Leona attempted to fire a bolt of magic at him, but Jade was too quick, easily avoiding and laughing at the attempt.

Yuu grabbed Leona’s sleeve. “Floyd’s magic! We can’t touch them!”

Leona swung his head around, smacking Grim in the face with his ponytail, and snarled at Trey and Riddle. “Hurry up, goddamnit!”

Riddle broke his concentration and glared at Leona. “I’m doing my best you useless pussy!”

Trey and Yuu made eye contact and knew that the plan was falling apart. Trey rolled his eyes and pointed his wand at Floyd. “Oh for the Seven!”

He activated his Unique Magic and suddenly Floyd’s smile fell. His multi colored eyes widened with rage and Trey gulped. “Riddle, now!”

Riddle spun around and pointed his pen at Floyd as well. “Don’t tell me what to do! Off with your head!”

The all too familiar clicking sound could be heard and Floyd grabbed at his neck. Riddle’s iconic neck lock was holding onto the merman and based on the violent thrashing from Floyd, it wasn’t budging. Floyd glared daggers into Riddle and lunged at him with a loud shriek, but Leona had crossed the distance between them and booted him in the side of the head.

“Floyd!” Jade rushed to his brother’s side and was relieved that Floyd was only knocked unconscious. He looked at the first years and down at the neck brace on his twin. “Just... go.”

They didn’t hesitate to swim back to the mirror spot and teleport back to Night Raven College. When they had finally caught their breath from swimming so fast, Riddle look down at his hands.

“I.... I just used my magic to harm an upperclassman. Leona, you kicked an upperclassman in the head!”

“Yeah and I’ll do it again.” Leona picked between his teeth with his pinky finger. Yuu looked at Trey. “So, how did you do that? The plan was for you two to cast that combo spell that Crowley showed you.”

Trey rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, I panicked and realized that my Doodle Suite might have been able to make Floyd-Senpai’s shield just not work.”

“Genius, even for a human like you!” Grim jumped onto the green haired boy’s shoulder with a smile.

“Thank you?”

“Don’t take that as a compliment!” Riddle squinted his eyes at Grim. Leona pulled out his phone and was amazed that it wasn’t dead. “So, Jack and Ruggie-Senpai should be done by now, should we head over to the Lounge?”

Yuu sighed and realized how tired they were. “Let’s.”

~~~

When he managed to get the last beastman out of his restaurant, Azul almost collapsed against the door. He got to his feet and almost stumbled back to the VIP room, but stopped dead in his tracks. His blood turned to ice and his glasses fell off his face. Azul made an undignified sound and spun around, discarding his glasses in his haste. He tore down the hall back to the Lounge, leaving the VIP room and the open, empty vault within.

Azul threw open the doors to the Lounge and saw Ruggie leaning against a wall, cleaning out his teeth with a toothpick.

“What have you done?!” Azul’s voice was nothing more than a hushed whisper.

Ruggie ignored him. “You know, I tried takoyaki for the first time today, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.”

Azul turned a furious red. “You mangy beast! Where are they?!”

“Is that any way to talk to a classmate, Azul-kun?” Jack stepped out from behind a corner, a large stack of yellow papers in his hands. “I thought that you would have more tact.”

The Octavinelle student glared daggers into Jack’s soul. It was a little unsettling. The beastmen could just feel the anger seething out of him. Footsteps could be heard approaching the three.

“I can’t wait to see the look on that Octo-punk’s face when we give him the stupid photo!”

“I’ve never said anything bad against an upperclassman before, but I hope he looses it!”

“Like how you lost it with Floyd?”

“Shut up, or I’ll forcefully remove that anemone myself, you little beast!”

The first years turned the corner Jack was standing behind and stopped. Yuu held up a preemptive hand to stop any wise comments about Azul’s clearly enraged behaviour. With their other hand, they held out the photograph. “Here, so you can’t say we didn’t pull through our end of the deal.”

Azul just stared at the photo and began to laugh softly. “You... You think you’ve won? You steal my contracts, you destroy my Lounge and you bring me my photo to rub it in, huh? I see the twins have failed yet again.”

“Yet again?” Called a voice from down the hall. The students present turned their heads to see the human forms of the Leech brothers coming their way. Floyd still had Riddle’s neck lock on and held an ice pack to his temple.

Jade’s eyes looked Azul up and down. “It seems you’re the one who failed here.”

Azul scoffed. “Oh please, I gave you one task: keep them from returning the photo to me! You couldn’t even do that!”

Floyd stood up taller and took the ice pack away from his head. “You know, I don’t like that tone you’ve got. Makes me want to squeeze it out of you.”

Azul seemed to mentally backpedal. “Well, what I meant to say was--”

Jack waved the contracts in the air to get the mermen’s attention. “Do you want these or not?”

Azul’s anger turned to desperation. “Yes! Hand them over this instant!”

“No I don’t think I will.” Jack sneered. Yuu realized that he was just toying with Azul. They almost felt bad for the second year dorm head, but at the same time, he had enslaved over two hundred students simply because they wanted a cheat sheet for finals. Jack looked over the documents in his hand and passed them to Leona. “Do what you want, I just wanted to see him squirm.”

Leona gladly took the contracts and Yuu realized what he was about to do. They made no move to stop him, but Jade’s eyes opened uncharacteristically large.

“I am hunger, I am thirst, I am that which steals your tomorrow. Now kneel before me, Kings Roar!”

The golden contracts crumbled into sand between his fingers. Azul shrieked again and fell to his knees, watching as Leona kicked the pile of sand at his feet to solidify that the papers were gone. Yuu looked to Grim and saw that the anemone on his head was gone, however the next sound Azul made got them to return their focus on the situation.

“You... you monsters!” Azul slowly got to his feet.

“Yeah what?” Grim grinned. “You gotta be a bit more specific.”

Leona rolled his eyes and turned to go. “C’mon, I’ve got practice to get to. I don’t wanna throw a pity party for that mess.”

Riddle raised his pen and the neck brace around Floyd vanished. He rubbed his neck and smiled at Riddle. “Thank you, Koebe-chan! No hard feelings for trying to eat you?”

Riddle made a disgusted face that Trey snorted at. Azul watched them start to leave with horror in his eyes. “No, wait! Fix this mess! Grim, I helped you pass your exam!”

“You also used me as a sponge!”

Floyd pursed his lips and crossed his arms. “You’re acting pretty lame right now, you know that right?”

Jade nodded and shrugged his shoulders. “Desperation isn’t a good look for you.”

Azul looked around for something, anything to make the situation better. Yuu sighed. “Azul, you did this to yourself. Now, if you excuse us--”

Azul got to his feet with a strange expression on his face. “Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait! I can turn this around! Just watch, I’m not boring at all!”

The door to the Mostro Lounge creaked open and a timid looking Scarabia student stepped out, patting his head where Yuu assumed an anemone had been resting. Azul reached out his hand and a small ball of light flew out of the chest of the poor student and into Azul’s. He stood up with a crazed smile and looked around the group as the Scarabia boy collapsed.

“See?! I may not be what I once was, but I am still leagues above you all!”

Leona groaned and spun around on his heels. “Okay, now you’re taking this too far--”

He was interrupted by Azul’s laugh and a snap of the second year’s fingers. Ruggie pushed Leona down and the ball of light Yuu assumed was Ruggie’s magic flew to Azul. Jack pulled out his staff and growled as he watched Ruggie faint.

“You’ll pay for that, Ashengrotto.” He snarled.

Azul’s laugh grew dark and menacing. “Oh really, Jack-Senpai?” the title oozing off of his tongue like poison. “Why don’t you just lighten up and Dance with me!”

Jack dropped the staff and became rigid, but soon regained control of his body. Azul turned to Floyd, who’s eyebrows were furrowed in concentration. All of the commotion had drawn the attention of the other Octavinelle dorm residents, all of which fell prey to Azul’s greedy glare.

Yuu watched in horror as Azul absorbed the magic of every student who had unknowingly stepped into their worst nightmare, but it wasn’t over. Yuu looked Azul up and down and saw his purple gem becoming more clouded by the second.

Riddle noticed this too and raised his pen to stop the nonsense, but Trey tackled him out of Azul’s line of sight. It occurred to Yuu that if Azul got is hands on the magic of their friends, the fight would turn from bad to ugly.

Of course, as per usual, the coming tide was already among them. Jade dashed to put himself between the first years and the crazed Azul, but got smacked to the side by a large black tentacle that had formed from Azul’s cane.

The overblotting version of Azul stood over the first years, but while their friends saw the anger in those cold blue eyes, Yuu recognized loneliness and fear. This was by far the worst case of overblotting Yuu had seen when comparing the Heartslabyul and Savanaclaw incident together, and they had no idea what to do now.

#twst role swap au #TWST #twisted wonderland #TWST AU #twisted wonderland writing #my writing #ThatRingBoy Blue #Riddle Rosehearts #Trey Clover #Leona Kingscholar #Ruggie Bucchi #Jack Howl #Azul Ashengrotto #Jade Leech #Floyd Leech #Yuu Prefect #Grim #twisted wonderland Grim #twisted wonderland characters

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taiblogcomics · 3 years

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I Can’t Pet Force You To Read This One, But...

Hey there, high school crushes. Well, it's finally here. Can you believe it? Yes, counting from the original Xanga site (which, yes, still counts. It's like our own Golden Age publication or apocryphia), this is our 10th anniversary of reviewing comics. That's fantastic. I'm excited, can't you tell? I can tell, since I'm writing this preamble a good two months before the actual anniverary~

So, last year we reviewed the absolute pile of dreck that is Heroes in Crisis. And while that was worth ripping into, I'd rather not spend the 10th anniversary hating on something. I'd like to do something actually meaningful to me. I've teased about this one for many years, probably for as long as I've been doing this blog, and I think it's time we stopped pussyfooting around and reviewed some Garfield. But not just any Garfield. It's finally time, my friends. This... is Garfield's Pet Force.

I dunno how many people will remember this one. Maybe you recall the direct-to-DVD movie adaptation from 2009, or at least advertising for it. I never saw it, but apparently it differs a bit. They also appeared a few times in those Garfield comics from back in the day. We even reviewed a couple (some were on the Xanga blog). But what we're looking at here are the original novellas published between 1997 and 1999. So yeah, these really are from my childhood. And since I've long espoused that Garfield was always funnier 20 years ago, this must be actual premium Garfield content, yeah? By golly, I hope so, because we got five whole books here today. So we should probably get into them~

Book 1: The Outrageous Origin

This is a classic sort of superhero cover. Standard team shot of poses, and that's fine for a first volume. In fact, that's great. Later editions of this would replace the lightning-filled gradient background with a pure white one, but I have this original version. We'll get to specifics about these characters in the meat of the story, but let's talk about the costumes for a bit. Very classic early-'90s sort of look, before the Dark Age kicked in. Reminds me a lot of Jim Lee's X-Men designs, actually. Making all your characters visually distinct is important in a team book. The heavy lean into secondary colours is unusual for heroic characters, but not unwelcome.

So we actually start with a cold open in the superhero universe. This is pretty much to introduce us to the characters as soon as possible, and thus I'll do the same for you here.

*Garzooka, team leader, super strong, has a razor-sharp claw, and can shoot radioactive hairballs from his mouth. That's... at least a unique power, I don't think anyone on the Justice League can do that~ *Odious, the dumb muscle with the accent on the "dumb". Possibly even stronger than Garzooka, and possessing a "super-stretchy stun tongue", an elastic tongue that can scramble the minds of whoever it adheres to. *Starlena, the team girl. She can fly, and she has a siren song that can put those who hear it into a hypnotic trance. Garzooka is the only one immune to its effects, for reasons that are never explained. *Abnermal, the kid-appeal character. He has ice powers, forcefields, and an ill-defined "pester power" that means he can annoy people on a greater scale than normal folks. It's pretty much only used for comic relief, but that could be a brilliant power in the right hands. *Compooky, the brains of the operation. Other than flight, his powers are limited to super intelligence, which means he's usually the exposition guy. There's probably a reason they left him out of the movie adaptation~

You got all that? Don't worry, we'll introduce you again later in the book. What actually happens in the intro chapter isn't really important, it's just setting up the universe. In fact, it's all taking place within Pet Force #99, a comic just enjoyed by Nermal. Yes, we quickly cut over to the main Garfield universe ("our universe", the narrator calls it), where Pet Force is just a comic book. The Garfield gang is all outside, enjoying a cookout prepared by Jon Arbuckle. Nermal is extremely enthused by his comic book, and brags about how he has all 98 previous issues sealed and polybagged, and this one will soon join them. Sorry, Nermal, this came out in 1997, the speculator boom already went bust~

Garfield dismisses comic books as stupid because you can't eat them or use them as a blanket, and declares that none of the stuff that happens in the comic could possibly happen in real life. Uh oh, irony! Because these things can happen, and do! It's a parallel universe, baby! This might be one of my earliest introductions to a "parallel worlds" concept. Much like Earths 1 and 2 in pre-Crisis DC, the events of the comic are essentially the real life adventures of their super-powered counterparts in another dimension. Most of the action in these stories will take place there~

So here's the setup: Vetvix (the parallel equivalent to Liz the veternarian) is an evil sorceress and scientist, who essentially wants to experiment on animals in peace, and possibly subjugate the universe while she's at it. You could argue that Liz is an odd choice for villain, since our universe's Liz isn't particularly evil. But then, our universe's Garfield isn't particularly heroic either. She operates out of a deadly space station called the Orbiting Clinic of Chaos, and at present she's waiting for the arrival of her henchman, Space Pie-Rat, who is a six-foot-tall anthropomorphic rat dressed in stereotypical pirate getup. Vetvix has just finished inventing a levitation ray, and she'd like Pie-Rat to go out and use it to steal all the food in the universe. Vetvix doesn't think small, is what I'm saying.

The counter to Vetvix is Emperor Jon, ruler of the planet Polyester. He's kind and benevolent, even if he's a little dippy and his fashion sense atrocious. Having gotten wind of Vetvix's latest plan, he contacts Pet Force in their ship, the Lightspeed Lasagna. Upon learning the problem, Pet Force gives chase to Pie-Rat. They eventually corner him on some desolate planet, landing and entering an abandoned factory. Unfortunately, they're not safe amongst the dangerous machinery, because this turns out to be a trap. Vetvix has been busy as hell, because she's also invented a metal that's impervious to their powers. And that's not all, because she's also basically invented the Phantom Zone, where she traps Pet Force forever. It specifically mentions it doesn’t kill them, because it wouldn't be kosher to murder the heroes in a Garfield book~

The Lightspeed Lasagna has both onboard cameras connected to the heroes' belts as well as automatic return protocols, so within two days, Emperor Jon knows exactly what's happened to Pet Force. He needs help, so he calls upon his most trusted and powerful advisor: Binky the Sorceror. Binky's just as loud and obnoxious as in the main universe, but he's also a powerful magician. He conjures up a spell for Emperor Jon that lets him pierce the veil between universes. It's basically Equestria Girls rules: parallel universes have similar characters between them. So to replace Pet Force, they need the nearest genetic equivalents from another universe. And that's the versions of Garfield, Odie, Arlene, Nermal, and Pooky that we know and love~

Back in the main universe, it's another day entirely. Another cookout is taking place, and Nermal has received his special anniversary issue of Pet Force #100. The cover's really special, dripping with '90s cover gimmicks like glow-in-the-dark and embossing. A rarely used one, though, was "portal to another universe". That was pretty expensive to print, so you won't find many comics like Nermal's. Maybe he had something there with the collecting after all. The cover glows, and while Jon is distracted by the grill, Garfield and Friends disappear~

They reappear in Emperor Jon's wood-paneled throne room, now transformed into Pet Force. Emperor Jon and Sorceror Binky try to explain the situation, but Garfield--now Garzooka--is disbelieving of the whole thing. In fact, even the idea that Jon can now hear him talk absolutely floors him. Since he's about to deliver the exposition for everyone, can we talk about Compooky for a minute? This spell has just granted sapience to Garfield's teddy bear. I don't expect deep philosophy from a children's novella, but the ramifications of this are really under-explored. Like, never mind the whole idea of a teddy bear having the same genetic makeup as an alternate universe equivalent. He goes from inanimate object to fully conscious being, and he just rolls with it.

Anyways, once everybody gets caught up on what's going on and accepts the new reality, a training montage ensues so the group can all learn to use their powers without killing each other. Once at least reasonably trained, the reborn Pet Force is sent out to stop Pie-Rat. He's gotten sloppy in the times with Pet Force dead, so they track him down easily. After a brief scuffle where Garzooka takes his eyepatch, Pie-Rat flees in his ship. They follow Pie-Rat back to the Orbital Clinic of Chaos, but they can't go in the front. That led the original Pet Force into a trap. Finding an unguarded maintenance hatch--standard on any big space station--they enter Vetvix's lair for a final confrontation!

After dealing with the Waiting Room of Doom, which slowly fills with outdated magazines, they enter Vetvix's inner sanctum. Frustrated with Pie-Rat's failure, she uses her magic to turn him into an ordinary mouse. Vetvix then attempts to use her same weapon on this new Pet Force, but thanks to story contrivance, it only works on beings born in this universe. As other dimensional visitors already, they can't be banished to another dimension. She then pulls a Dr. Claw and runs off cursing Pet Force's name while her base self-destructs. Vetvix is a very "discard and draw" sort of villain, it seems. Pet Force, of course, makes a harrowing escape just in the nick of time.

Returning to Emperor Jon, they vow to be ready to return whenever they're called on, since evil never stays dormant for long. Odious even gifts Emperor Jon with the mouse-ified Pie-Rat as proof of their victory. Well, I'm glad they remember that, so they didn't accidentally murder a major villain in their first superhero outing. They're returned to their own universe, and the time differential between them places them back with Jon having not had time to even look up from the grill. Garfield begins to doubt the adventure even happened--until that night, when he finds Pie-Rat's eyepatch still on his person. Ah, definitive proof of... eyepatches, I guess~

Book 2: Pie-Rat's Revenge!

You have to wonder where, in a space-faring superhero setting, Pie-Rat got the inspiration for his classic pirate motif. It's a little incongruous is all I'm saying. And hey, remember when I said earlier that Garzooka's purple-and-green colour scheme was odd for a hero? Well, here he is as a villain! That'll catch your eye. This would be a terrific comic cover, which is what you want in a series like this.

The book opens with a brief recap of the previous story's events, then moves into the new plot. See, Emperor Jon has opted to keep the polymorphed Pie-Rat as his pet. How very Ron Weasley of him. That's pretty apt, actually, because similarly Pie-Rat has maintained his intelligence in his new mousey form. Pie-Rat gets sick of being Emperor Jon's pet and plans a daring escape, exploiting the emperor's dimwitted and loving personality against him. Pie-Rat jams the lock with a food pellet and makes his escape that night.

Once free from his cage, he encounters Binky's cauldron, still left in the throne room from when the sorceror summoned Pet Force from Garfield's universe. Figuring he has nothing to lose, Pie-Rat jumps in the leftover brew. Suddenly he finds himself growing. He returns to his original anthropomorphic state--but with a twist. He's now twice his original height, a staggering twelve feet tall. He scoops up the rest of the remaining potion for later, and sneaks out of the palace as best as a 12-foot rat can sneak. Desiring revenge on both his former employer and his longtime foes, he steals Pet Force's ship and makes his escape from the planet, headed for Vetvix's newest base.

After his guards help Emperor Jon put the pieces of the problem together, they decide they must once again call upon the powers of Pet Force to recover their missing vehicle and stop the newly embiggened Pie-Rat. Fortunately, Garfield and friends have been watching movies all weekend, so Jon doesn't notice when his pets disappear from the living room in a bright flash. Of course, once returned to the alternate universe and the situation explained, they still have a problem: how do they give chase to Pie-Rat when he's got their ship?

And speaking of Pie-Rat in their ship, he's followed the trail of a mysterious energy output, and it's led him right to Vetvix's new base, the Menacing Moon of Mayhem. See, this is why you don't blow up your base: the backup base is never as good. if it was, it wouldn't be the backup. Given that it's such a shoddy base, Pie-Rat is easily able to get inside and get close to Vetvix. She's expecting a technological attack, so she's unprepared when he pulls out that vial of magic potion and sprinkles her with it. And naturally, the potion that made him grow 12 feet tall makes Vetvix shrink to 5 inches. It's magic, we don't have to explain it!

Pie-Rat takes the magic crystal that Vetvix uses to fuel her powers, which of course didn't shrink because magic is just bullshit. See previous paragraph's last sentence. And while Pie-Rat takes over the base and begins plotting a further revenge against Pet Force, we cut over to them. They're at Sorceror Binky's own castle, and it's clear he's a bit of a hoarder. This is to their advantage, though, as they eventually piece together a working spaceship out of old car parts and other things, all patched together between Compooky's know-how and Binky's magic. This seems like the sort of book where I could use that "it's magic" quote every other paragraph. But craft a new--if small--ship they do, and speed off in the newly christened Planetary Pizza.

The rickety little ship does eventually find its way to Pie-Rat's base, saving him the trouble of being proactive as a villain. The magic thing keeps happening, and Pie-Rat basically becomes Discord for a bit while he fights them, doing things like turning Starlena's siren song into actual living music notes. One by one, the members of Pet Force are taken out, with only Garzooka is left. He and Pie-Rat struggle, while Pie-Rat tries to aim the magic crystal at Garzooka. Garzooka uses his claw to rip the crystal from Pie-Rat and defeat him.

Unfortunately, here's where the cover comes in. It seems the moments Pie-Rat was focusing the crystal during the struggle affected Garzooka's mind. He puts the crystal around his own neck. which turns him evil. He helps Pie-Rat to his feet, and the pair escape in the Lightspeed Lasagna. While Pet Force pursues them in their ramshackle ship, the new criminal duo strikes the storage planet of Deli to steal their food. Pet Force manages to catch up as the villains celebrate their spoils, and use a magic blast from the systems Binky installed to short out the Lightspeed Lasagna. This enables them to dock with the ship and climb aboard for a contfrontation.

The group fights, and once again the bearer of a bullshit magic crystal subdues the heroes easily. Annoyed now, Garzooka takes hold of Starlena and prepares to kill her or something. She taps into the one thing she has left: she's not fighting just Garzooka, but Garfield in his body. She drops some heavy put-downs, which resonate with Garfield, and he hesitates long enough for her to cut the crystal off him. The crystal hits the floor and shatters, undoing its evil magics on Garzooka's mind as well as on all his teammates. With Pet Force reunited, Pie-Rat is easily subdued and locked up.

The group waits for the ship to power back up, then speed off to apologise to the planet Deli. Following that, they head back towards Vetvix's moonbase. That night, though, the magic that was making Pie-Rat 12 feet tall wears off, and he escapes from his cell. He steals the remaining shards of the crystal, climbs into the Planetary Pizza, and makes a getaway. As a bonus, he also repeats the power-down spell against the bigger ship, giving him ample time to escape. And he's not the only one. Over on the Menacing Moon of Mayhem, Vetvix also returns to her proper size, and abandons this base as well. And when Pet Force fails to find her, they simply return to their own universe, ready to be called on once again in the future~

Book 3: K-Niner: Dog of Doom!

Another very basic comic book-style cover. K-Niner is a much more typical villain in style. This one's actually a wrap-around, and features the rest of Pet Force reacting to K-Niner on the back cover. Which is good because, other than the first cover, the covers all have a heavy Garzooka focus. Which makes sense for a book series, I suppose, you wanna assure the kiddos that Garfield's gonna be in the book. But as a comic book series, this would be a bad look for a team book~

So after our standard introduction and recap, we start off with Vetvix in yet another new base, the Floating Fortress of Fear. I'm sure it's very intimidating, if she can keep hold of it for more than a single book. She's picking up from the epilogue and putting the last touches on K-Niner, mostly enhancing his intelligence. Now, you look at the cover and tell me what kind of voice you'd expect. Some sort of German or Austrian accent, like the doberman on Road Rovers? Does anyone remember Road Rovers~? Anyways, but no: he speaks with a posh British accent. You know, the "I say, good chaps, looks like we're in a bit of a sticky wicket, eh wot?" type. Trust me, you can tell. But just because he sounds refined doesn't mean he's not evil.

I also love that after the initial "trapped them in the Phantom Zone" bit, the villains just go whole ham. K-Niner here demonstrates that he is indeed evil by threatening to rip out Vetvix's throat. Let your villains be villainous is all I'm saying. She's pleased he's so vicious, but feels he needs to learn his place as well. She force-chokes him until he complies. She then gives him his assignment: she thinks dogs should be liberated. The Boy Mayor of Second Life would approve, and so does K-Niner. Turning pets on their masters is just his style.

K-Niner takes a portable evolution gun, and immediately sets off. He begins on the planet Kennel. Isn't it neat how every planet is named after an English word that describes its function? K-Niner quickly takes over the dog population and turns them against their masters, because boosting their intelligence also makes them evil, of course. They use enslavement collars on their former owners, and within a few days, the dogs now run the planet. We cut over to Emperor Jon on Polyester, where a man has crash-landed a ship. He's an escapee from Kennel, and he's here to report the events so we can get the plot moving and once more summon Pet Force!

And summoned once more they are, Garfield and Friends once more conveniently disappearing in a split second while Jon's back is turned (this time they're outside playing volleyball). And once back in the parallel universe, Emperor Jon fills them all in on K-Niner's dastardly doings. Garzooka, naturally, takes great offense to dogs being in charge, and takes his duties as a hero completely seriously for once. Pet Force takes off for a confrontation with K-Niner in the Lightspeed Lasagna. And speaking of Pet Force's ships...

The Planetary Pizza, piloted by Pie-Rat, plants its pads down on polar planet Glacia. Pie-Rat is here seeking a way to restore his magic crystal and regain his mighty magic powers. He's sought out the home of a legendary evil wizard, who's known by the name of... Barfo. I see why Barfo keeps his location a secret. But anyway, Barfo is the one who made the crystal, so naturally Pie-Rat reasons he can restore it as well. Suprisingly once on Glacia, Barfo's evil lair is pretty easy to find. His manservant, Hobart the Gnome, brings Pie-Rat before the wizard, and within moments the crystal is restored! Pie-Rat turns to thank Hobart, but Hobart suddenly turns into Vetvix!

Yes, Vetvix knew all along that Pie-Rat's quest would lead him here. And as she was once Barfo's student in the ways of evil magic, she knew she could get the old coot to go along with her plan. Barfo returns the crystal to Vetvix, restoring her powers. And so Pie-Rat, a recurring villain in three whole books, is unceremoniously done away with, as Vetvix teleports him inside an asteroid, trapping him in solid rock. Even if the asteroid were hollow or he displaced the interior when he teleported in, no doubt he'll suffocate within moments. That's pretty harsh.

With that over, we rejoin Pet Force as they approach Kennel. K-Niner's battle cruiser spots them incoming, and shoots the ship down, even in spite of Abnermal's forcefields. Pet Force bail out of the ship, and Abnermal uses his powers to make snow to cushion their fall. Upon landing, a contingent of mutant animals attack. The mooks aren't much, but K-Niner himself puts up an impressive fight. However, one of the mooks pulls a gun and points it at Compooky. This is why Compooky usually stays aboard the ship, but that wasn't an option. Rather than let their friend get hurt, Pet Force surrenders.

Pet Force is held prisoner separately from Compooky, with both the cell's technology making it freeze-proof and threats of "don't break out, or we'll shoot your compatriot". Their imprisonment is not long, though, as suddenly the power goes out. Pet Force takes advantage of the situation and make their escape, quickly running into Compooky. K-Niner didn't think the hyper-intelligent teddy bear needed a high security cell, and just locked him in the basement. It was easy for him to then break out and shut down the local power grid. This also has the side effect of turning off the control collars the humans were wearing. How convenient!

With control of the planet now tilted in their favour, Pet Force now has time to both fix their ship and reverse the polarity of the brain-boosting weapons, turning the dog population of Kennel back to their normal selves. Though the experience did change the pet owners of Kennel. Having experienced life in their pets' shoes (so to speak) for a bit, they've resolved to treat their canine companions a bit more equally. More being allowed on the furniture, less stupid tricks for treats. Still, Pet Force can't stay long, and they head off in pursuit of K-Niner's battle cruiser. This is why most superheroes don't have spaceships (Jedis don't count): if your enemy also has one, they can flee way more easily than on foot.

Not willing to let another place go to the dogs, as it were, Pet Force catches up with K-Niner. With his previous success, Vetvix has stepped up the timetable and sent him after Polyester right away. Emperor Jon is in danger! They enter the planet's atmosphere, and are attacked by fighter craft. They fend them off, but their weapons system is damaged in the fight, so they can't simply use the reverse brain-rays and solve it quickly. The team splits up instead: Garzooka and Abnermal will go after K-Niner, while the other three will find the planet's power source and knock out the collars, since that worked so well the last time.

The two heroes quickly make short work of K-Niner's guards, and then turn the battle to deal with the Dog of Doom himself. While the struggle goes on, the rest of Pet Force reach the planet's power grid. Using a clever tactic, Compooky overloads the power and causes and electrical storm that simultaneously undoes the brain-boosting effect and shorts out the enslavement collars. There's only a few pages left, after all, and we have to wrap this up. K-Niner is reverted back into an ordinary dog, and the emperor is reverted to an ordinary non-enslaved person. The day is saved!

And now once again, Pet Force prepares to return to their own universe. However... when the spell clears, the five heroes are still standing there. Something is blocking the passage between dimensions, and Pet Force is trapped. And while Pet Force's adventures have taken place between mere moments in their own universe, they have always returned quickly enough that Jon didn't notice a thing. But this time, as Jon retrieves the volleyball and turns around to his pets, he's surprised to find they've all vanished into thin air...

Book 4: Menace of the Mutanator

This one's very striking because of its more painted look compared to the heavy black outlines the rest of the covers have. Does this one count as having the whole team on the cover? Because, spoilers, that's what the Mutanator is: the rest of Pet Force mashed up into a villain. Again, though, that's definitely a striking image that'd draw in readers to a comic cover. In fact, while Garzooka may be over-used as a cover focus, several of these also show him imperiled in some way, and that's nice for character stuff. That helps balace it a bit~

I wanna say, before we start, that I'm impressed by the continuity for the series as a whole. They could've just written each story as a standalone, but for a series of 100-page children's novellas starring Garfield characters as superheroes, things happen in these books. Like, maybe not sweeping status quo changes, but events affect the plot of each next book down the line. And that's where we pick up! Right where the last book left off, with Pet Force now stuck in the alternate universe, unable to return home to Jon. But if they can't go home to Jon, well, maybe then events will conspire to bring Jon to them~

Yep, because Jon happens to wander into the room where they keep the copy of Pet Force #100 that acts as a portal to their universe, he gets transported into the Pet Force universe. And since Emperor Jon is still an extant entity, there's just two Jons now. Jon, of course, is a bit freaked out, and it takes several pages to explain the whole deal to him, and also have a showcase of all their powers to pad out the book some more. Eventually, they decide to call in Sorceror Binky to examine the problem. When he has a go of it, a sudden tornado emerges from the cauldron and whisks away Pet Force--save for Garzooka, whose prodigious strength keeps him anchored.

Garzooka heads out in the Lightspeed Lasagna to track Pet Force's signature, glad to get away from a double trouble Jon. And while he's searching, the scene cuts to Vetvix's Floating Fortress of Fear. Hey, one of her bases actually lasted more than one book! This is where Pet Force has been transported to, once more in a power-proof cell. Vetvix monologues to the heroes, as she is wont to do, explaining that she's the one who cast the spell to keep them from returning home. And further, she's brought them here to mutate them into her servants.

While Emperor Jon exposits about his backstory (turns out he is not of royal blood, and has about as much legitimate claim to the throne as you or I do), the search continues. Sorceror Binky detects Pet Force, giving them all a view of what happens next. The trapped members of Pet Force are literally broken apart and reassembled: Odious' body, Compooky's brain inserted into the chest, Abnermal's hands, and Starlena's head. She christens this beast "Mutanator", and it is soullessly obedient. I also wanna say, Mutanator's kind of a non-binary icon, aren't they? (The comic uses "it", but it was 1998 and alternative pronouns weren't really a thing yet.) Muscular, masculine body, but confident enough to still wear lipstick. It's a look, is all I'm saying~

Mutanator continues to possess the combined powers of Pet Force as well. Vetvix sends them to attack the planet Armory to gear up before attempting to conquer Polyester. And meanwhile, thanks to the convenience of being able to scan all of Compooky's memories now that his brain is part of Mutanator, Vetvix has the perfect trap to spring on Garzooka--or should she say Garfield. Yes, she really knows the whole origin for Pet Force now, and now she knows all Garfield's weaknesses, likes and dislikes, and probably blood type and other dating profile stats~

Thus, when Garzooka receives the coordinates from Emperor Jon and arrives at the Floating Fortress, he finds himself menaced by giant spiders. Vetvix couldn't think of a way to get Mondays to attack him, so the Giant Spider Invasion will do. Spiders are apparently very formiddable foes, Garzooka's personal fears aside. They can swat gamma hairballs out of the air, they can construct webs as quickly as certain Marvel heroes, and their hairy exoskeletons are resistant to both claw and strength. But despite his fear and Abnermal's running commentary, Garzooka manages to trounce the spiders with a carefully applied flame--taking Vetvix's blueprints with them.

Garzooka heads out once again to track down the Mutanator, leaving his less-than-all-together friends in the safety of their forcefield prison. While he's off, we return to the perspective of his target. Using their combined powers, the Mutanator swiftly conquers the planet Armory and sets their sights on Polyester next. It's not a bad plan, honestly. With the stockpile from Armory, not only will the Mutanator be more powerful, Polyester won't be able to use the planet for backup. Fortunately for the two Jons, though, Garzooka intercepts the Mutanator before they can leave Armory.

The fight's actually pretty good. Very back and forth. But even despite Garzooka's great strength, the Mutanator wins in the end. Thankfully, Vetvix puts her conquest of Polyester on hold to take the time to retrieve Garzooka and add his power to the Mutanator. This, of course will be her undoing--in a completely ridiculous way, of course. For back in the palace, our universe's Jon is watching Pet Force's struggles with the scrying cauldron. And he leans in a bit too close. Sowhile Vetvix is prepping the machine to divide Garzooka's body like she did the rest of Pet Force, Jon suddenly tumbles through the dimensional warp caused by the cauldron and lands on Vetvix, which causes her to put the machine in reverse. A real Jonnus ex cauldrona there, eh?

The Mutanator disappears, their existance as a unique being wiped out as their pieces return to their proper Pet Force owners. With Pet Force reassembled, Garzooka takes out Vetvix with one of his gamma-radiated hairballs while she's distracted by Jon. Pet Force decides that the vile veternarian should have a taste of her own medicine, and stick her in the body-splicing machine with some of her guards. This divides them all up and mixes them into bizarre combinations. It also has the side effect of disabling Vetvix's magic, so they can return to their own universe now.

The book wraps up here. Pet Force first returns to Armory to both return the stolen weapons and also make repairs on the buildings that were damaged in Garzooka's fight with the Mutanator. That's the sort of thing I'd like to see in more superhero stories in general. The two Jons part ways, with the Emperor believing the other Jon's heroism to have been deliberate. And thus are Garfield and friends returned home. And just like the end of their first adventure, where Garfield couldn't be sure if it really happened, so too is Jon's memory fading. Had he really witnessed all that? Only his pets know for sure--and in this universe, they can't talk~

Book 5: Attack of the Lethal Lizards

This one's another wrap-around, showing the rest of Pet Force engaging the remaining Lethal Lizards on the back cover. This is one advantage books have over comics: a front and back cover you can use for your story-telling. The Lizard designs are pretty good for a villain group too. Like Pet Force, they don't adhere to a particular theme, but they do look good individually. Garzooka roasting a hot dog on a stick might be a bit too comedic for a superhero story, though. It sets the tone wrong. How "lethal" can they possibly be if Garzooka is out here roasting hot dogs in the middle of battle?

So here we go, last book. After the usual recap, we open with Jon explaining to Garfield and friends his latest plans: they're going to WackyWorld, a theme park dedicated to Jon's favourite cartoon, The Wackies. Both Garfield and Nermal think the show is lame, and if those two agree on something, you know it must be so. In less lame universes, however, trouble is once more a-brewing. So it turns out Vetvix's Floating Fortress of Fear has been orbiting the swamp planet Reptilius this whole time. And her various experiments in the last two books have been radiating the planet in magical energy...

From that magical power, three reptiles find themselves uplifted in intelligence and granted fantastic powers. Please say hello to our three main villains for this book: Snake, an enormous snake (the only one without an anthro design) with stretching powers; Chameleon, who can shapeshift; and Dragon, a komodo dragon with fire breath and the bad attitude to match. While Snake and Chameleon figure out their powers, Dragon declares himself the leader as he's clearly the smartest, strongest, and most powerful. They name themselves the Lethal Lizards and start plotting how to rule the planet.

After that exciting intro, though, the book kind of slows down. First we get a whole chapter of Emperor Jon also deciding to go on vacation, to planet Funlandia. With Vetvix out of commission for a while, there's no better time. In short, he's out of the castle and Sorceror Binky is in charge. This is followed by a chapter of Jon and his pets at WackyWorld. It's certainly an accommodating amusement park to allow pets on its grounds. Garfield at least gets along with the food, but if you know anything about amusement park food prices, the amount Garfield eats will make your wallet weep. Jon takes his mind off it by dragging the pets along to a ride. Surely they have to be under the height restriction~

Fortunately, we get back to the actual stars of this book, and we see a bit more of their dynamic. Snake is the sort who sucks up to whoever's calling themselves "Boss" at the moment. Dragon is power-hungry, and it's clear he'll sell out his allies at the drop of a hat. Chameleon is Starscream. Anyway, they trek through the jungles of Reptilius until they find a downed spaceship. Reviewing the logs reveals it was a scout ship from Vetvix, and they also learn of Vetvix and her mission. However, they don't know where Emperor Jon lives, so they crowd into the the newly christened Rapacious Reptile and set course for the stars.

The first planet they come across is a world called Klod. Quickly the Lethal Lizards beat up the populace and find the local government. Chameleon shapeshifts into a dignitary, pretending to be an advance entourage for Emperor Jon, schmoozing with the governor until he learns both what Jon looks like and the name of his planet. With this information secure, Chameleon nips out suddenly, and the trio sets forth towards Polyester. Governer Klutz calls up the palace as soon as the reptiles depart, and reports the incident to Sorceror Binky.

Binky wastes no time, and he dials up Pet Force. Since all five are in one place, he's able to pull them through even without them being near the gateway through issue #100's cover. Convenient! Pet Force, however, does waste time, as a lengthy comedy scene eats up several pages before we just get on with it. Eventually, the situation is conveyed, and they figure it's safer to keep Emperor Jon on Funlandia for the time being. Compooky stays behind to help plan some strategies, while the rest of Pet Force boards the Lightspeed Lasagna to intercept the Lethal Lizards before they even arrive.

Pet Force spends the next few minutes both scanning for incoming ships and bickering with each other, so I'm very glad when the Rapacious Reptile appears on their detectors before too long. Dragon threatens the ship, telling them to move or he'll knock them aside. It's a spaceship, dude, you can move in three dimensions. The ships trade shots, and while Chameleon's piloting is actually pretty good due to his independently-rotating eyeballs, eventually both ships crash land on whatever planet is nearby.

Both ships crash right next to each other, which is improbable but less ridiculous than some of the contrivances in these books, so I'm okay with it. Now you'd think what with the enemies being reptiles and Abnermal having freezing powers that this battle would be over really easily, but no. In fact, Garzooka and Dragon are pretty evenly matched. Snake turns out to be immune to Starlena's siren song because snakes don't have external ears. See, now there's a contrivance I find a bit weird. Snake swallows Abnermal whole, and Chameleon and Odious get literally tongue-tied. The Lethal Lizards actually live up to their name pretty well.

As the fight continues, half of both sides are laid out when Compooky comes rushing up, saying he has an urgent message from the emperor. And that's when he sucker-punches the team. It was actually Chameleon in disguise, having gotten knocked away when he and Odious separated. So yeah, round one goes to the Lizards, and they make their escape first. Pet Force regroups, and they give chase. The Lizards have enough head start to really lay siege to Polyester before Pet Force arrives, though. They even get access to the palace using Chameleon's shapeshifting, leading to Sorceror Binky letting slip the real location of the emperor just as Pet Force arrives.

Another fight ensues--see, now it's really a superhero story--and the Lizards leave again 2 and 0. This time Snake uses his venomous fangs to attack Starlena. This leads to the weirdest contrivance yet. Maybe not the worst, but definitely the weirdest. They have only minutes to save Starlena. So how do they do it? Well, they notice that Odious drools quite a lot. It's very "fluid output". So they have Binky magically reverse Odious' drooling, so that he has "fluid input" on his tongue instead. It becomes a big suction sponge and sucks the poison out of Starlena. They then restore the drooling, and he just harmlessly drools out the poison. What.

With their teammate saved, Pet Force pursues the Lethal Lizards to Funlandia. They get there just in time to rescue Emperor Jon from their clutches, with Garzooka and Odious combining their strength to literally rip a kiddie ride out of the ground. Starlena corners Chameleon in a hall of mirrors, turning his own trick against him. Snake is undone by Odious' strength. And Garzooka fights Dragon to a standstill, finally trapping all three on a roller coaster still operating. When the ride comes to an end, Abnermal freezes them all until the authorities can retrieve them.

Naturally, Emperor Jon thinks it's all part of the show (because Jon is dimwitted in any universe). The Lizards are sent to a lizard-proof prison (seriously, it specifies this), and Pet Force returns to their own universe. As usual, Jon didn't notice his pets go missing during the dark amusement park ride. The book concludes on an ominous note, however, as the ship carrying the Lethal Lizards makes its jump to lightspeed just as it passes the Floating Fortress of Fear. The shockwave knocks over some debris that reactivates the combining machine, restoring Vetvix to her full evil might once more!

The end!

No, really. Those five books are all there was. I hear it may have continued into the comics, but I don’t know how accurate that is. I didn’t really look into it.

But boy, what a ride, huh? Let’s dissect the books one at a time, since it only seems fair to take them as individual stories.

The Outrageous Origin: It’s a fairly basic origin story, I’d say. It kind of has to be. I guess my main gripe is that, like Rita Repulsa’s entire run on Power Rangers, the heroes never fight the main villain directly. In fact, there’s barely even an evil plot in this one. You have henchmen and some traps, and that’s about it for the menace.

Pie-Rat’s Revenge: A cautionary tale about why you treat your minions with respect. This one’s pretty good, but the events depicted on the cover make up such a small part of the book. Wouldn’t it have been more fun if Garzooka was turned at the beginning of the story? Book 4 would at least do the reverse of that, so it’s not a major complaint~

K-Niner, Dog of Doom: I think this one’s about as middle of the road as you can get. What a coincidence that it’s also the middle of the series! Like I said in the recap portion, it’s a shame that Pie-Rat’s story ended here. This one definitely feels more “villain of the week” than most.

Menace of the Mutanator: This one might be the best book in the series. Garzooka, alone, battling against the best parts of his team? That’s gripping stuff. I guess the main problem is that the Mutanator isn’t really a character in and of themselves. Like, K-Niner, he may have been a generic rent-a-villain type, but he had a personality. Mutanator is little more than an extention of Vetvix’s will.

Attack of the Lethal Lizards: I’m a bit split on this one. The bits with the titular Lizards are great. They steal the show! But the parts where it focuses on either Jon kind of drag, and Pet Force is a bit too jokey here. Like, I get the point is that they’ve relaxed into their roles now, and there’s not much point of doing it as a Garfield story if they don’t actually use the character personalities, but... I dunno. It’s good, but it could have been better~

And that’s it! Like, I dunno how to wrap this up. Pet Force was neither my first exposure to superheroes nor my first introduction to the Garfield brand (you can thank Saturday morning cartoons for both of those). But for some reason, maybe just the absurdly goofy premise, it always kinda stuck with me. And I think that’s a good enough reason to make it my 10th anniversary review, don’t you~?

#books #reviews #Garfield #Pet Force #Garfield's Pet Force #Taiblog

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amphtaminedreams · 3 years

Text

Sitting Front Row at...(On a Budget Obvs): Lookbook no.15

Hey to anyone reading!

And welcome to my fave lookbook I’ve done in a longggg ass time! Yes, that’s partially because it involved making collages and doing the low effort work of scouring Vogue Runway for “research purposes”, but I promise, that statement wasn’t made out of COMPLETE laziness-I am super happy with it too. It’s been a good use of pre-part-lockdown-lift time in the interim between that brief period of Christmas celebrations and eateries finally fucking opening again because let’s be honest, I always knew I was gonna get distracted by oat milk vanilla lattes and veggie all day breakfasts once I could actually sit down with them at my fave local cafe. You could say I was very much operating on a self-imposed deadline.

The “what I would wear to sit front row at...[insert designer here]” TikTok/Instagram reel trend was something I wanted to get on board with ever since I first saw one and whilst the option of doing my own live action take-I really cannot bear the thought of having to edit footage of myself awkwardly attempting to sit nonchalantly in front of a camera for hours on end-was off the cards considering my complete lack of screen presence, I decided a Tumblr text post would work just as well, and if not even better in a way. Given the absence of the time limitations you face when you’re making a reel or a TikTok I thought it’d be cool to present the looks as part of a mini moodboard for each designer which adds a bit of context to each look even if you aren’t familiar with their past collections and establishes the general vibe of the brand I’m attempting to replicate. Not to sound snotty or as if I am the font of all knowledge on anything high fashion related but even with my amateur knowledge I noticed that as the video trend took off and was adopted by big name influencers, it became less about the average person putting their own personal spin on the aesthetic of the labels we can’t ordinarily afford and more about them building outfits that only vaguely resemble the general public perception of the brand around the real corresponding (and often gifted and thus inaccessible to someone who doesn’t makes thousands for a sponsored post) pieces they own SO I thought I’d take the trend back to its roots and get a bit resourceful. All that being said, in no particular order, here are the outfits I would wear to sit front row at Gucci, Vera Wang, Miu-Miu, Marc Jacobs, Dolce & Gabbana, Brock Collection, Alexander McQueen, Etro, Burberry aaaand Saint Laurent based on their past collections and guess what? They didn’t cost a shit tonne of money :-)

-disclaimer: will include an asterisk before any new purchases if from a high street store though to be honest, I don’t think there are any, we shall see! I do include where I got old purchases from in case anyone wants to search anything on Depop/Ebay-

1. Saint Laurent (formerly Yves Saint Laurent)

-blazer from identityparty on Depop, pleather trousers from Zara, jewellery from Dolls Kill-

I know technically abbreviating Saint Laurent to YSL doesn’t really make much sense anymore given the brand’s name change in 2012, but I’ll always think of it as that in the same way I’ll always associate it with the slightly dishevelled yet simultaneously glitzy rock n’ roll aesthetic. The thing is, whilst YSL hasn’t done anything wildly out of the box for a long time, it’s rare they put a look on the runway that I wouldn’t wear; they never end up being a fashion week standout but the Parisienne take on grunge we’ve seen Anthony Vaccarello establish as his go-to will always have a place in my heart.

2. Alexander McQueen

-embroidered leather jacket from Ebay (originally Topshop), harness from Amazon, dress from ASOS, boots from Koi Vegan Footwear-

Alexander McQueen is a brand that is pretty much universally liked, from the historically extravagant and groundbreaking shows the man himself put together to Sarah Burton’s more toned down but still beautiful collections. Obviously I didn’t attempt to do justice to the former, so I tried my hand at putting together a look inspired by Sarah’s blend of delicate femininity and nomadic edge, and it went...okay? Like it’s definitely not my favourite of all the looks because it does give off slightly cheap copycat vibes buuut outside of the context of this lookbook it’s cute.

3. Brock Collection

-boater hat from Ebay, midi skirt from morganogle on Depop, corset top from ownmode_, heels from amybeckett1, bag from Primark-

Brock isn’t as well known a brand as most of the others in this list but I adore everything Laura Vassar Brock does and I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to try and channel the vision of one of the OG pioneers of the cottagecore vibe through my own wardrobe. I mean fr, this woman’s work as a steady provider of meadow photoshoot worthy dresses and corsets and skirts is v slept on and I will not stand for it. I will sit in front of a camera and then write a paragraph in my blog post begging anybody who reads to give LVB (an abbreviation I acknowledge is unlikely to catch on because Lisa Vanderpump anybody?) some form of acknowledgement for her services to period romance novel inspired moodboards everywhere.

4. Marc Jacobs

-coat from House of Sunny, white shirt from Retro World Camden, co-ord from Sugar Thrillz, bag from Poppy Lissiman-

If there’s one thing Marc Jacobs always does, it’s COMMITS. TO. HIS. THEME. I just KNOW he has a secret Pinterest with separate boards for every fashion era of the 20th century and he is putting those boards to good use providing us with collections that are as immersive as they are eclectic year in year out.

5. Miu Miu

-beret from H&M, hair clips from H&M, jewellery from Primark, coat from mollyyemmaa on Depop, shirt from YesStyle, sweater vest from YesStyle, skirt from Depop, diamanté belt from Brandy Melville, shoes from Koi Vegan Footwear-

We all like to talk about Bratz dolls and Monster High dolls and Barbies as fashion inspo but can we all focus on Cabbage Patch dolls for two secs so as to acknowledge the fact that a Miu Miu collection is basically all their fits grown up? And made boujie as fuck? If I want my fix of Wes Anderson meets Scream Queens (what a combo) inspired outfits, if I want prissy and girlish but also glam, if I want to look like a bratty rich girl whose one redeeming quality is her eye for vintage clothes, I know where to look and that is the Miu Miu section of Vogue Runway.

6. Vera Wang

-blazer as in no.1, velvet bralet from catdegaris on Depop, harness from Amazon, skirt from Ebay, knee high socks from Ebay, lace up boots from Ebay-

Vera Wang’s RTW aesthetic, a blend of the ethereal, ultra-feminine bridal designs she’s known for and British style punk rock influences, is something I feel has only become firmly established in recent years but it is everything I ever wanted and more. I always find myself trying to balance the part of me that loves everything girly and delicate and pretty and the part of me that would love to be in a biker gang and Vera’s collections are always an inspirational reminder of just how well it can be done.

7. Burberry

-coat from charity shop, suit from emmafisher3 on Depop, top from simranindia, shirt underneath from Zara, jewellery from ASOS-

Now I’m not gonna lie, I’m not the biggest fan of Burberry but there have been a few looks over the past few years I’ve really liked and as someone who owns numerous trench coats, high necks and way too much plaid, I thought it’d be an easy one to replicate. Plus, if you can count on Riccardo Tisci for nothing else you at least can rely on him giving you some layering inspo which is very much needed in a country where it literally just snowed in April and where my plans for today have just been cancelled because the iPhone weather app did a Karen Smith and didn’t predict rain for today right up until it started raining so thanks for that one British meteorologists. Your incompetence strikes again.

8. Etro

-corset from Urban Outfitters, vinyl trench coat from Topshop, boots from Ebay, black slip dress from kaoanaoleinik on Depop, fur trim afghan coat from louisemarcella-

Like with Brock Collection, Etro isn’t a hugely well known brand, but it is always one of my favourites-to add a spanner into the works of any attempts to cultivate a firm sense of personal style, I live for the ornate Bohemian look that Etro does so well just as much as I love both grungy and girly pieces, and so I really wanted to include a brand whose collections go down that route. It was a toss-up between this and Zimmerman, the flirtier, free spirit counterpart to the dark romance of Veronica Etro’s designs; her vision really shines through the most when it comes to the brand’s winter collections, imo, and given that I live in a country where winter or some weather state resembling it does seem to take up 70% of the year, I did decide on channelling her work rather than that of the equally talented Nicky and Simone Zimmermann this time round.

9. Dolce & Gabbana

-flower crown from ASOS, tiara from Amazon, earrings from YesStyle, dress from alicealderdice1 on Depop, opera gloves from Ebay, boots from Koi Vegan Footwear-

D&G is a brand I felt really conflicted about doing-I don’t include their current collections in my fashion week reviews based on the actions of designers Stefano Gabbana and Domenico Dolce over the last few years because I don’t want to mitigate the collective effort of fashion critics to push them towards irrelevancy. Though people like to claim the brand has turned a corner since Lucio Di Rosa was brought on board as the manager of celebrity and VIP relations last year (they are as prolific a force on red carpet fashion as ever), we haven’t seen any real meaningful apologies or reparations made by Dolce and Gabbana themselves which once again leaves us in the all too familiar quandary of whether or not we can separate the art from the artist especially when it is far too much of a simplification to only credit the two men for their work given there’s a whole design team behind them. There are a LOT of shitty people working in fashion, the whole industry is a bit of a cesspit if we’re honest, but I don’t think that should stop us from at least being able to appreciate old collections if we make sure we aren’t engaging in any kind of promotion of current works whilst doing so. D&G are a brand of high highs and low lows, with looks that range from hideously ugly to showstoppingly beautiful in a single show-when the looks are good, they are GOOD-and their presence in the fashion world is most definitely felt whether we want it to be or not. It would just be shit to refuse to recognise the existence of some real iconic runway moments, the practical work that went into the ornate detail and opulence that helped cement D&Gs place in sartorial history, the styling that’s made goddesses and fairytale queens out of modern day women as they’ve glided down catwalks, the far more extravagant and, let’s be real, sexier version of our world D&G shows have transported us to in the past. Will I talk about D&G ever again? No, and if you Google the scandals their brand has faced over the past few years, there are more than enough reasons why, but just this once I did want to pay homage to some of the collections, the snippets of which I saw on my Tumblr dashboard back when I was about 13, that first got me into fashion.

10. Gucci

-fur coat from Topshop, clips from Zaful, glasses from Ebay, dress from gracewright246 on Depop, shirt from Boohoo, blazer from charity shop-

Now last but, if you ever read any of my fashion week reviews (the likelihood of someone actually having read one of them and reading this is incredibly, incredibly slim lol, I wouldn’t read me either) you’ll know, definitely not least, is Gucci because Alessandro Michele comes through every!! single!! time!!

The man is truly the king of quirky throwback maximalism and it hurts my heart that a lot of people seem to think of it only as a brand associated with ostentatious displays of wealth. Year after year since Michele was made creative director he has released purposeful, fully-fleshed out collections which unravel themselves to us on the runway like time capsules containing the belongings of the rich and whimsical and yes that can sometimes result in outfits which are *ahem* a bit mismatched but it doesn’t matter because through fashion he manages to take us to a vivid version of the past where people could dress as freely and lavishly as they wanted to, into the wardrobe of a person unaffected by the side-eyeing of others. You get the impression he doesn’t design so much as plays around with some kind of enchanted dress up box and takes inspiration from there and to give that impression is only a credit to his talent-to make outfits so kooky and extravagant look like they were meant to be takes a boldness and genuine love for clothes that I do tend to feel a lot of the big name designers have lost in the pursuit of profit and the necessary placating of the dying customer base that keeps that coming in. Of course I'm not for a second saying Gucci does not care about profit, but at the very least, they have on board a creative director who genuinely has fun with what they’re putting out there and wants to make a statement too and that really shows; you can rest on your laurels and sell tweed boucle jackets to rich old white women for eternity but nobody’s going to mention your brand name and the word groundbreaking in the same sentence ever again unless they’re talking about what it was a century ago, you know (mentioning no names...unless...did I hear someone say Chanel)? That feels like such a shady way to end, lol, but I’m sure said brand will survive-to be fair, they’ve been included in every other What I’d Wear to Sit Front Row At video I’ve seen so although I’m always slagging them off for doing the saaaaame thinggggg year after year, for that same reason their aesthetic is instantly recognisable and so will always be a source of imitation. There are obviously pros and cons to being a brand which constantly reinvents itself but I think it’s totally possible to do that whilst maintaining an overall mission, and Alessandro Michele’s work at Gucci demonstrates that with ease.

Anyway, if you got to here, thanks for reading! I know I’m super behind on this whole TikTok trend and I know a Tumblr post instead of a video is a bit of a cop out but all the real, physically awkward ones out there know that watching yourself back is excruciating lmao, so I hope this does the trick. After this, I’m gonna get back to the reviewing S/S21 collections post though knowing me I’ll probs take a few days to get back into that because I feel like since I left full-time education (RIP me going back in a few months) writing continuously like this for any longer than about 15 mins fries what brain cells I have left. Again, thank you for reading and if you are, sending many good vibes your way! Stay safe!

Lauren x

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janaeekook · 4 years

Text

Incapable i. || {myg}

“You cant love Min Yoongi, he doesn’t know how to love. Or care for that matter. You’ll just end up getting hurt.”

pairing: assassin!yoongi x reader

word count: 2.3k

warnings: - mafia - death - masterbation -

series masterlist

prologue.

It was your 16th birthday when your father and your older brother Namjoon told you everything — their affiliation and leading of the largest mafia gang in Seoul. You always knew your family was wealthy, that's what you were raised knowing. But you never knew that for your family to obtain it's wealth, the two most important men in your life would go out and risk their lives every night in criminal activities.

You hadn't believed them at first, thinking it was just some prank, a wild joke. The idea of them having a gang made your stomach twist in knots. You had always been your fathers little girl, you saw him as your knight and shinning armor, slaying the dragons of your bad dreams.

Since that day you received vigorous training. Intelligence gathering, undercover and stealth missions, trades; organized crime soon became your life. You were endowed to it, you saw a lot of horrible things, things that never sat right with you, but it all became a twisted new normal to you. The only jobs you refused are to take someone’s life, for you fear your soul may never recover.

When you were eighteen, your father had decided to retire. Leaving the legacy of Bangtan Sonyeondan to your brother. Many of the older members went with your father leaving it fully in the hands of the youth they'd spent years training.

Now you're 21, and head of intelligence. After your father left, you and your brother purchased a new estate in the countryside which served as base camp. The extravagant building was large enough to be considered a castle with its different wings. The west wing was for the higher ups, there was 8 of you in total and you all kept business booming with your varying talents.

Namjoon was very clearly the leader, the true business man, he handled transactions and bigger things along with interigation.

Kim Seokjin, or Jin— was your brothers right hand and the more ruthless of the two, he hated conflict between members and he also specialized in interigation.

Min Yoongi; a cold assassin who never really said much just got the job done without fail, it's quick and painless, he said the screams annoy him.

Jung Hoseok, he deals mainly with illegal substance transactions. He's a sadist in his work, something you'd never guess.

Kim Taehyung, the brains; he is the eyes and ears of every operation and he's just a plain genius when it comes to the plans. He's usually the one to stay at the base camp watching monitors that display cameras he's hacked.

Jimin works along side you in intelligence. He's a complete flirt. He specializes is hand to hand, He may look small but he could take you down in a second.

Jungkook is your arms man, he handles all the weapons, he loves his guns and he's an incredible shot, he never misses a target.

Lastly there's you, head of intelligence, gathering information on enemies, often working close with Jimin. You're also an amazing shot and can be found sniping with Jungkook and Yoongi.

The east wing, on the other hand, housed many of your henchmen; the army. They were not to be trifled with, They were trained to kill. They are the most loyal followers, that's why Bangtan is on top, some even said if they died protecting the 8 they would have fulfilled their duties. They were willing to die for you and the others.

Loyalty is very important, it's drilled into their heads from the first day of training to their last breath. They all take an oath of trust and they devote their lives to Bangtan. Once an army, always an army.

•

"Y/n, can you hear me?" Taehyungs voice came through your earpiece.

"Ya." You spoke quietly as you sat at a booth in a stuffy little downtown bar.

"Ok, he's the one at the bar wearing the red suit, you should make your move now." You nodded and stood from the booth, making your way to the bar and next to the crimson clothed man.

"One Jack Daniels please." The bar tender nodded, you sat on the stool next to the man. You could feel his eyes raking your body.

"What's a pretty young thing like you doing here all alone?" His voice was thick with a Russian accent.

"My boyfriend dumped me." The bar tender slid you the drink and you took a large sip. The man continued to ogle you in wonder. He was not an attractive man, he resembled a drowned rat with his hair all greased back.

"He's quite unwise to leave such a beautiful woman." You looked to his face, scanning it before bringing a fake smile to your lips.

"You think I'm beautiful?" You asked feigning shock.

"Incredibly." His hand moved to your knee, his rat-like face forming the most unpleasant smirk. You took another sip of the strong whiskey before looking back into his beady eyes.

"Hmm." You bit you lip, which came off sexual but you were really trying not to gag, "What do you say we get out of here?" You stood from the stool, grabbing his hand. He pulled money from his pocket and placed it on the counter before standing.

You led him through the chorus of drunk people dancing, weaving your way to the door where Jin waited on the other side. They were hidden from view as you stepped into the cold night air with the rat man following close behind you. The way his eyes wandered your body, mentally undressing you, made you feel uncomfortable.

"I can't wait to see this body." He spoke lowly, placing a calloused hand on your hip. You grabbed the hand before twisting it behind his back and pushing him to the ground, you held one hand behind his back and the other you held to the concrete with your knee.

"What the fuck!?" He groaned, struggling in your grasp.

Hallow footsteps clicked along the pavement as Jin walked up, a cigarette between his the nimble fingers of his right hand, his other hand grasped a black cane that had a gold skull on top. He had injured his leg on a mission a few years ago and it never healed the same, but the cane made him all the more intimidating.

"W-what do you want?" The Russian man inquired from his position on the ground as he looked up to Jin who had placed the end of his cane to his throat.

"I want you to tell me what your boss is planning, and why you're in Seoul." Jin spoke calmly but the intensity and seriousness of his voice would make anyone cower in fear.

"I-I" He stuttered then Jin pushed his cane harder onto the mans throat and You tightened your hold, "Ok! Ok— we're working with another gang." Jins eyes narrowed.

"Who?"

"I-I don't know h-he wouldn't tell us! I'll do anything to prove it to you, I'll work as a spy!" The man crumbled after only seconds of Jins cold stare, the chuckle that bubbled from his throat was just as cold.

"You see, trust and loyalty is very important to me, and you crumbled under the slightest pressure. I hate men like you, cowardly, weak, you could never be one of us." Jin then walked away, you quickly stood and followed after Jin, the rat man scrambled to his feet.

"You whore! You played me! You're already someone's dirty bitch!" The man spoke to you and you just smiled viciously at him.

"It's just part of the game sweetheart." You turned walking away to the car with Jin.

"You're not even worth my time you tramp!" He called out, and I rolled my eyes.

"Yoongi." you heard him hum through your earpiece and a deafening shot rang out, the cold lifeless sound of body meeting pavement, and then silence.

•

The car pulled up in-front of the mansion. You exited the car followed by Jin and ascended the steps to the front doors, the guards on either side bowed to us.

Pushing the door open, you went inside, kicking off your heels instantly. The 4 others sat in the foyer to your left, discussing plans.

"I'm gonna change." You told Jin quickly heading up the left staircase and to your bedroom. You pealed the dress from your body, before tugging your sweatpants on and a long sleeve shirt. Hair tied back in a bun, you headed back out and down to the others.

You plopped down next to Jungkook, he looked to you and smiled, that smile of his never seemed to match his aura, or the array of tattoo's that covered his golden skin. Everyone began talking about random stuff and the mission. The muffled sound of a motorcycle outside told you all that Yoongi had arrived.

When the door opened and he appeared in everyone's view his face visually upset, but You could never really tell. He wore all black and held a full face helmet in his hand, a scar ran over his right brow and extended to his cheek. Your stomach fluttered when his tongue poked at the inside of his cheek. Your relationship toward Yoongi had always been strictly business, though your attraction to him grew, he was painfully attractive.

"Thanks for leaving the body to me." He spoke sourly his gaze directed towards Jin. He sat on the couch, one leg crossed over the other, his cane leaned on the couch next to him. Jin only chuckled at the younger man.

"It's your job." Jin held a fake smile upon his face, he stood using his good leg before grabbing his cane.

"Sure pin it on me." Yoongi spoke, Jins intimidating smile stayed on his face as he stepped closer to the other boy.

"I know you're not trying to start anything right Yoongi? You know how much I hate it."

He scoffed, "Whatever." He turned and headed up the stairs. Jin just sighed and went back to his original seat. Your eyes followed Yoongi as he disappeared up the stairs, You wanted to follow him but you knew he'd just shut you out.

You laid in bed that night, unable to dodge the thoughts of him. You groaned rolling onto your side and tried to lull yourself to sleep, it was no use your body longed for his hands all over you -- but your mind told you it wouldn't be wise to try to love someone who was so emotionally absent. But was he really?

Your mind and body were deeply contrasting one another, the allure he had; both nothing and something. It called you forth to let him break you, but your morals pulled you back as the dark aura also pushed you away. You chewed at your cheek as your mind was running rampant. Your imagination beginning to take hold the scenarios swirling through your headspace, bringing you into a daydream like state as your mind played out what your mind had thought of sending your cheeks ablaze.

"What do you want me to do princess?" It was Yoongi, he had your daydream self pinned between himself and a wall.

"Touch me." Your voice a pitiful whine as you begged for his hands, he smirked sensing how needy you were, and it was all his doing. Well dream Yoongi of course.

"Where?" He asked, your words failed to exist in your mouth so you grabbed his veiny hand, guiding the strong appendage between your legs. You hadn't realized you were fully naked in this scenario, but you didn't care as his hand began to explore you, treating you like some toy.

Your eyes shot open, not being able to face the crude scene any longer, Your room felt as if it were on fire, your clothes becoming unbearable as they stuck to your skin. Your mind had somehow found its way to the side of your body, running a mile-a-minute with thoughts of Yoongi and different ways his hands could pleasure you. Your face was bright red, You were thinking of extremely sexual situations about someone who probably saw your relationship as otherwise platonic. You groaned, feeling your core throb as more thoughts invaded your mind. You had grown incredibly hot and bothered you couldn't take it, you went to the bathroom starting a shower in hopes to cool down your bodies rising temperature.

The water ran down your body, as you stood under the steady streams unmoving. You shook your head, rubbing your hands over your face, as your mind wandered to the idea of him fucking you against the shower wall. You felt dizzy as you grew more aroused as you thought of the man only doors down from you. You groaned before taking in a shaky breath, you brought your hand to yourself, eyes fluttering shut as you finally did what your body begged for.

It was slow at first as you rubbed small circles over that familiar bundle of nerves, your mind wandering back to the idea of him fucking you senseless in the shower. You bit your lip before pressing your back against the cool tile, lifting your leg to rest it on the shower bench next to you, allowing your hands perfect access to every sensitive part of you. You pushed a finger past your entrance, quickly accompanying it with another. You imagined it was him, his experienced hands touching you, getting you off.

Your small noises concealed by the water hitting the shower floor, you quietly moaned his name as you silently wished it was his cock inside you. Your legs began shaking as you drew closer to your orgasm, you threw your head back in pure bliss the tension finally unraveling in your stomach-- and it was Yoongi's name on your lips, the last word you spoke as you rode out your high.

You quickly cleaned your now relieved body and your sweat ridden hair, before finally exiting the shower. You collapsed on your bed, drifting off into a dreamless sleep, relief and satisfaction running through your veins.

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getallemeralds · 3 years

Text

doip. / 9.13.21

I WAS LOOKING AT THE MAP AND PEPPER STARTED EATING MY SKETCHBOOK

today we are in "o- WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THIS SCREENSHOT

WE'RE IN ORRE BUT THE TEXTURES ARE FUCKED UP, BUT THEN PASTING THIS INTO WORDPAD FUCKED IT UP EVEN MORE??????????????

jorb did the math and the candy i'm eating is literally 50% sugar

maybe i shouldn't do my notes in wordpad actually considering it's weird all the time

good news: this time i think my headset is set up so i'll be able to hear the dbz music

oh there's nyx! he feel asleep. jorb: i was nearly gonna say "i'm gonna inject you with caffeine", but i almost said "i'm gonna inject you with cocaine". i think I'M gonna feel asleep.

PREVIOUSLY ON DRAGONS ON ICESPIRE PEAK: oh man the dbz music is so crunchy we cleared out a temple from dangerous oozes so that the dwarves at the excavation could hide out there from the dragon! also some other stuff happened. i think i maybe shouldve reread my notes

jorb: so you're gonna head to the inn? [water noise] michael: yes. jorb: WHO PEED?

michael is talking abt his friend's cat <3 luigi................ he is very afraid of everything and michael is trying to feed him, which is a problem bc he keeps hiding "like a little bitch"

OKAY we're gonna be escorting Don-Jon Raskin somewhere! he's been decided to be australian. jorb: oh god i don't know how to do an australian accent leo: YOU'RE AUSTRALIAN,, jorb: i'm a non-practicing australian.

jorb: --and two things of oil, which you should not eat. alidaar: but what if i did jorb: i think that'd be bad for your health. nameless: but what if i want to jorb: ..the crates--

michael: how much does an ox cost jorb: don't tell me you're gonna fence the ox! michael: no i'm gonna see how much an ox costs in case the dragon shows up and [the ox] doesn't make it

escorting a man, escorting an ox! are any of us good at animal handlOH OF COURSE THE DRUID IS michael: nyx is currently a binturong. jorb: you could stop being a binturong! nyx: no <3 this can only go well.

the ox is now tobias's new best friend OH, RIGHT, TOBIAS CAN TALK TO ANIMALS. he probably just talked to vincent (the ox). tobias: hi vincent! my name is tobias [silence] jorb: .........i don't know what an ox would say,

michael: new plan, i'm the decoy for the dragon

oh hey a pile of dead orcs. that's definitely not ominous or anything they died from extreme cold! dragon was here 3 days ago. uh oh. also i think it's fun that ali would recognize Death By Cold = Dragon considering their own breath weapon is cold fhglkxdfhk oh hey silver battleax!

oops i missed some exposition bc i was adding my shiny new battleaxe i stole to my sheet

heading into the mine! BIG RAT GUARDS? we don't know what these are bc ali and lil guy don't have great arcana and tobias, the guy who DOES, rolled a nat1 don-jon is now the overseer of a mine of rats (don-jon was sent by the owner of the mine to take over, but now it's been taken over by Someone New who has, uh, weird rat guards? this may be an issue.) This Is An Issue the mine has been commandeered by the whiskered gang! (ali: that's a stupid name.) they got chased out of their old territory by orcs so they've decided to turn the mine into their new base of operations. however, IF we take out the orcs, then the gang will leave!

oh apparently jorb had to add in the silvered axe i picked up bc uh. these guys are were-rats! so they're immune to everything that isn't silvered or magical! OOP

jorb: [doing scene description] ..why is the barrel crab typing?

hm. okay so we found an abandoned place with horses. specifically this whole place has gotten burned down. Not Good. time to keep moving on!

i spaced out and heard the phrase "bubblebutt ranch" and i will never be free again

nyx: I CAN BE A CATERPILLAR jorb: i highly don't recommend it

WAIT WHY DOES INVISIBILITY LAST FOR 1 HOURS little guy is now invisible! and scouting the shrine of savras. oh turns out binturongs can Open Doors. like, irl. sorry jorb :V

jorb: okay, you're touching the altar? nyx: i touch the altar. oh nyx is having an out of body experience! little guy is seeing a fortress on icespire peak, which appears to be where our bastard dragon is living!

jorb: luckily none of the orcs have moved from the spot you last saw them in, as if they're glued to their spots until they're engaged with in some sort of combat

oh we're doing combat now ALL OF THE ORCS TAKE THEIR TURNS AT THE SAME TIME?

HELP GIRL WE'RE IN COMBAT AND I JUST GOT PINGED IN THE TACO STAND TO EXPLAIN WHY HORSES AREN'T ALLOWED IN EMBLEM WARHORSE

leo: im using this orc's head as a golf ball. jorb: okay! you use this orc's head as a golf ball! it's.. it goes.

jorb: you can high-five the bear as a free action.

I Am Losing All Of My HP In One Turn

finally getting to use my runes! fuck yea. also i'm very tired and kinda distracted bc of Taco Stand Horse Discourse but mostly i'm just tired

tobias: i put myself facedown in defense mode and end my turn.

alidaar finished combat by climbing up a PILE OF BODIES and LUNGING AT THE OGRE to SLICE ITS HEAD OFF WITH HIS BRAND NEW BATTLEAXE and then used his morningstar to fucking golfclub that head out of sight. hell yes

alidaar: poggers. "you say that from 3 rooms away?"

WE STOLE A BELL THATS WORTH LIKE 2.5K GOLD?????? jorb: you gotta sell it though, it's not gonna just turn into money alidaar: what if we stare at it for a really long time

man. this is really different from arvus in structure. like this is a premade thing and its very much like . phandalin is the quest hub. go to a place! fight mobs! find treausre! go back to phandalin! which is kinda boring but also I Get It bc its premade. HOLD ON WHY IS MICHAEL TALKING ABOUT ORCS FUCKING LUIGI MARIO

#leo chirps #ttrpg #dnd #doip.#i was very tired yesterday so these notes are. something.#also i continue to not take many notes during combat oops

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mafia-nct · 4 years

Text

NCT 127: Their S/O getting kidnapped

YOO! I love to have your feedback so don’t be shy!

Warning: swearing, violence, torture

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Taeyong:

You weren’t kidnapped for long. The entire network put all of their efforts in getting you back alive and in one piece. Although you were rescued pretty quickly, your kidnappers made you live hell. They hit, slapped and cut you until you had bruises and blood on every part of your body. That’s what happens when you’re the boss’ girl.

Taeyong was sitting at the end of the table with you in his lap hugging him shaking and crying. Taeyong’s arms were tightly wrapped around you rubbing your back softly.

He listened to Johnny explaining your rescue operation.

When he was done, Taeyong looked at him with fire in his eyes. “End them.”

Taeil:

All they had was footage of you getting grabbed by a passing car. Luckily, they had Mark and Jisung. Once the two boys got the license plate and position of the car, Taeil left to find the culprit.

Finally spotting the car parked in a random street, Taeil got out of his car gun in hand.

He knocked on the driver’s window and when it rolled down, he wasted no time putting his gun against the driver’s head.

“Where is she?” He asked calmly

“I..I don’t know, they put her in a different car and drove off!”

Taeil cocked his gun. “I won’t repeat myself buddy.”

“Ok ok ok fine, they brought her to our base. That’s all I know, I..I swear.”

Taeil smirked and shot the guy.

“Hold on baby, I’m coming.”

Johnny:

When Chenle came running in his office to tell him that their rival gang had kidnapped his wife. He laughed. He couldn’t help but laugh.

“Come on Chenle,” said Johnny sitting on his desk, “you’re smarter than that. Do you really think they would mess with us?”

Chenle moved from one foot to the other. “I thought the same thing, but you should really see this.”

Chenle opened his laptop, gave it to Johnny and pressed play.

You showed up on the screen. Tied up, bloody and crying.

He watched the entire thing but his mind was somewhere else. He was boiling with rage.

“I want everyone in the meeting room in five minutes. We need to come up with a plan to get her out of there by tomorrow.” He screamed.

Yuta:

He was gearing up in the weaponry room. Taking literally every weapon he judge worthy.

“Yuta, you’re not thinking this through.” Said Jaehyun. “You’ll get seriously injured or even die.”

“I don’t care.” He replied

“Listen to yourself!” Screamed Doyoung, “Do you really think that’s what she wants? Do you think she wants you to get yourself killed trying to save her?”

Yuta slammed the firearm he had in his hands on the table in the middle of the room.

“Doyoung, they..” He chocked up, closed his eyes and took a deep breath before continuing. “They took her. They’re probably going to hurt her and I just.. I can’t..”

He chocked up again.

Mark placed a hand on his shoulder. “We’ll get her back and will kill these bastards I promise, but let us help you. We work better as a team anyway.”

Yuta looked at Mark and nodded. “Alright, but I’m the one who kills her captor.”

Mark smiled. “Deal.”

Doyoung:

He was silent. He hadn’t said anything since Taeyong made him sit in his office. Doyoung wasn’t moving. He hadn’t moved since Taeyong told him the news. This was all his fault. He should’ve never brought you in this world.

“Doyoung,” Taeyong’s voice brought him back to reality. “Are you ok?”

He nodded. “What can I do to help? I want to get her back as quickly as possible!”

“I know that, which is why I put Kun and Mark’s crew on it. We’ll get her back don’t worry, but I can’t let you help. You’re too close to this.”

“Why?” Accused Doyoung

“Like I said, you’re too close to this. I don’t want you to make a mistake that could blow the entire operation. I have 14 men on this. Believe me, we’ll get her back safe and sound.”

Doyoung bit his tongue. He was about to curse out Taeyong, but knew the consequences.

He nodded. “Ok.”

He’ll just have to put his faith in his fellow members

Jaehyun:

Not only did they kidnap you; they also hacked the entire network. Every computer in the mansion displayed pictures of you tied up with the words: “do you want your pretty doll back? XD” under it.

Red. That’s the only thing he could see. Murder. That’s all he could think about. To say he was angry was an understatement; he was livid.

He couldn’t even listen to Taeyong speaking he was lost in rage. Lost in his own world where he beats the enemy until they’re all dead. Where he smashed the skull of the enemy’s boss with his bare hands. The same hands that were so tightly squeezed in fist that his nails were starting to draw blood.

Johnny put his hand on Jaehyun’s shoulder bringing him back to reality.

“I want them dead, all of them. I want people to be so scared of us after this that no one will ever dare to attack the people we love.” He spat

“Don’t worry,” smirked Johnny, “that’s exactly what we’re planning to do.”

Jungwoo:

They brought you back soon after they found out you were missing. You weren’t harm just scared but Jungwoo didn’t care. He was going to make the guy who stole his princess away pay.

Jungwoo paced around the cell. “So, you think you can kidnap my girl away and escape the consequences?” he made a disapproving sound. “I don’t think that’s how it works bud.”

The culprit was tied up to a chair: hands behind his back and a gag in his mouth. Many ideas passed through Jungwoo’s head. He was going to have fun with him. And he’ll have to take one hell of a shower, when he was done with him, before getting back to you.

Jungwoo took out a rusty knife from his back pocket and showed it to his, soon to be, victim. “Here’s what’s going to happen buddy. I’m going to open you up with this knife and you’re going to be a good bitch and take it. After I’m done with you, a.k.a. when you’ll be dead, I’m going to go back to my girl and love her all night long.” Jungwoo grabbed his victim hair yanking his head back. “How about we start this show?”

The gag muffled his victim’s screams. Jungwoo smirked and got to work.

Mark:

He’s been glued to his computer since the moment Taeil told him the news. He was dedicated to find you. He even asked for the help of Jisung and Chenle to help him locate you.

“God, there’s so much protection on these servers I can’t get in.” Grunted Jisung

“Yeah,” agreed Mark, “it’s like they knew we were going to hack them at some point.”

“Hey Mark,” called Chenle, “didn’t you give your girl a necklace that she could press and it send us a signal if anything happened to her?”

Mark kept pressing keys on his keyboard as he answered. “Yeah as a birthday gift.”

“What was the name of the signal again?”

Mark turned in his chair facing Chenle.

“Her code name: Diamond. Why?”

Chenle pointed at something on his computer. “I think I found her.”

Mark pushed Chenle out of the way to get a good look at the computer. And he saw it, a green dot flashing on the screen with your code name beside it.

“Good girl.” He smiled and he turned to Jisung. “Go tell Taeil we have her. It’s time for operation: let’s get my baby out of there!”

Haechan:

He barged into every room of the enemy’s base. He had one thing on his mind: finding you and quick. The network all worked together to plan the perfect attack plan. And that said plan included: storming their building when they didn’t expect it, wiping their entire data base and surround their base by explosives.

It wasn’t the first time these guys threated NCT and your kidnapping was the last straw for Taeyong.

“God damn it where is she?” Screamed Haechan as he knocked down another door.

“Joker, go down the corridor and check the third door on your right. The blue prints indicate a hostage room. She should be there!” Suggested Mark in his earpiece.

His hand on the wall, he walked down the corridor counting the doors. Arriving in front of the said door, he did a little prayer. He wanted you in black in his arms by now and his shoulder was starting to hurt. Chenle would soon give him the count down before he blew up the place and their’s no way he was going to leave without you. He kicked the door open and almost cried of relief when he saw you.

“Haechan!” you cried.

He jogged to you. Finally, you were back by his side. He kissed your forehead before he started to undo the rope holding you.

When the rope was undone, you threw your arms around his neck and hid your face in his shoulder.

“You came.” You whispered

“Of course I did.”

“Two minutes before explosion, people!” said Chenle in the earpiece.

Haechan looked at you. “Jump baby, I’ll carry you out. Then Chenle can blow up these bitches!”

#nct mafia au #nct 127 #nct drabbles #nct reactions #nct scenarios #nct imagines #lee taeyong #johnny seo #moon taeil #yuta nakamoto #kim doyoung #jung jaehyun #kim jungwoo #mark lee #lee haechan

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wu-sisyphus-gang · 3 years

Text

Motion Sickness Chapter 54

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Things somehow weren't exactly awkward between Ruby and I now that she knew how I felt and I knew she felt something back. Somehow we were still able to work closely together. I suppose that was what she meant by just needing more time. She was just worried and confused about Jaune. Which I understood.

I was still laying awake at night confused about my feelings for Jaune myself. So I wasn't exactly casting stones at her about it. Plus she promised she'd be ready to return my feelings eventually. So it was not like she'd rejected my emotions. She just needed a moment to breath.

I could deliver her that. I would deliver her that. She deserved that from me. I could be as patient as she needed me to be. I also just needed her to know. I wasn't going to be able to hide it from her forever.

Maybe things would be different if what had happened with Jaune was different. If whatever happened at Haven hadn't happened. It hurt that Ruby and I still didn't know for sure what I felt about it. My upbringing wasn’t one that led me to be in touch with my emotions.

I knew where Blake and Yang and Qrow still stood on the issue. They saw him as a traitor who turned on us. Blake in particular likened him to Adam, her own ex who eventually turned on her ideals of what the White Fang should be.

And it wasn't like Jaune wasn't a killer. He was. But had he crossed the line into being addicted to murder to solve his problems was the key question. Because Yang was a killer too and nobody doubted her. Blake, too, had killed during her stint in the White Fang and she was above suspicion. It was then just a question of whether he killed when the situation called for it or if he killed because he felt like it.

It was a scary thought and the image of him kicking one of Don Corneo's men in the head replayed in my mind over and over again.

It depended on what had happened to him at Haven, didn't it? Ruby, I knew, was still holding out for the best, whatever that may be. And in my heart I coveted the same thing. I wanted Jaune to be innocent. Even if it meant something horrible had happened to him. Perhaps that was cruel of me. Perhaps it was hopeful of me. Perhaps it was a lot of things of me.

"You mentioned you were attacked in Argus, right Ruby?" I asked her as she reclined on her bed and read from her comics.

Her hair looked good in the early morning light of Atlas as she kicked her feet up like a schoolgirl. She was adorable to watch.

"These blonde, blue eyed girls," she nodded. She looked over at me, her eyes were little silver mirrors. The light of dawn rebounded around and off of them.

"Did you catch any of their semblances?" I asked.

"The one I fought had this blue and red being that fought with her. It made her attacks stronger. Oscar and Qrow fought one which had a violet lightning semblance that made her faster, I think."

"That sounds a lot like Jaune's Limit Breaker. Doesn't it?"

"Maybe…"

"Is it possible that they are his sisters."

"Maybe. They might be the right age for it. But…"

"But then they should have known we didn't have the relic, if they were working for Salem, that is."

Who were those girls that attacked my friends in Argus? We'd talked about it a little before now and their powers were not dissimilar to Jaune's but they were after the relic. Something they should have known we didn't have. We'd talked about it as a group a little. I was curious about it a little more.

And they were young, young enough to fit into that category of how old he'd told Ruby his sisters were. If they were in league with Salem and looking for the relic didn't that mean Jaune had to be too?

But then they should have known that we didn't have it. It made no sense unless Jaune wasn't in league with Salem.

"How could Jaune simultaneously be working with her and not?" Ruby asked. She was reaching a similar conclusion as I was. She was always a little clever.

She also understood people preternaturally. She had a sixth sense about it. I wouldn't be surprised if she was able to pick people out of a line up based on their semblances. She was a powerful empath. Not as strong as Ren had been who's semblance had been tied to emotions, but she was good.

The power of aura gave her a supernatural sense of the emotions of those around her. It was why I'd abandoned trying to hide what I felt for her. She'd have been able to feel it eventually.

Something was afoot when it came to Jaune, something worrying. I knew she was thinking it too.

"You're thinking about Jaune, aren't you Weiss."

"A little," I confessed. "I don't understand what happened."

"You and me both." She put her comics down. She walked over and traced her hands through my hair. It felt nice so I leaned into her touch and let out a contented hum. "Blake doesn't believe us about him."

"She never got to meet him in Mistral," I defended. "She may know Adam but she never saw the new Jaune."

"Their semblances are concerning to me. If they're similar then they are similar," Ruby murmured. "They have to be, that scares me."

"That doesn't have to be a bad thing like she thinks. There were things about Adam that she herself used to like and souls are complicated business," I tried to refute. "Semblances are confusing and Jaune's is hardly the only one I've seen where the user has to stand still. I stand nearly still while I’m doing summonings."

She rubbed her face in my hair and laid on top of me in the bed. I turned around and put an arm around her and squeezed her close to me. She sighed as I did and we laid together on my bed.

I stroked her pretty red and black hair and she burrowed into the crook of my arm. Her little hourglass shape fit snuggly next to mine and I kissed her forehead. I just lay there stroking her and staring at her. It was a comforting moment, unbroken by interruptions and I had the pleasure of just staring at her as she rested with her eyes closed.

In that moment it didn't much feel like she was leading me on. It felt like that promise that she would be ready to return my feelings. One day, soon, she would be ready to give back to me what I wanted from her. She gave me a light blush and returned me a sigh.

I would miss this. If anything happened, losing moments like this would break my cold lonely heart.

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We met up in the briefing room and I saw Winter again. She was working on a data pad with a rough sketch of Atlas's newest hostile person of interest. Cloud Strife. I thought the sketch looked roughly familiar. Around the eyes and the bridge of the nose, maybe. The spiky hair and diamond piercings looked like no one I had ever met, however. He had a Mistrali look to him in the sketch as well.

"Still working on Cloud Strife, I see."

"Indeed. He burned down a building recently and killed thirty people. They were all gang members but still, murder is murder." Winter sighed. "He's working with Neapolitan and getting involved with the local gangs. It breathes of Roman Torchwick which is more than a touch concerning. The last thing Atlas needs is someone stirring the gangs up and mixing the pot."

"We've killed gang members too, " I muttered. "We got involved in the local mafia infighting in Mistral."

"Yeah, ever heard of Don Corneo. We killed some of his men," Yang followed me up.

"Killing in the line of duty isn't the same as murder." Winter shot us down. "What you went through is a tragedy in the course of securing the maidens and the relics. It isn't the same as gang warfare over drugs and prostitution."

Yang just shrugged like she couldn't really bring herself to believe it. I hadn't killed anyone and couldn't really speak to it.

"Perhaps you require counseling. You are young," Winter murmured softly.

"I don't need to see a shrink," Yang said.

"It's hardly anything to be ashamed of. I had to attend counseling when I was younger and killed for the first time," Winter confessed. "It's part of what we do. We all go through it. There are trained professionals to help us handle it. It's part of military life, at least in the Atlas military. Though perhaps you are handling it better than most. This is the first I'm hearing about it." She gave me an interested look.

"I've never killed. It was my job to torture the Don for information," I told her. "It was Jaune's operation."

"Perhaps more concerning than I thought. Torture and the turncoat. Perhaps I should prescribe you therapy. Torture is often as traumatic for the torturer as for the victim."

"I'm doing just fine, thank you," I instead insisted. "Don Corneo was a disgusting waste and I have no regrets."

"I see…" I could tell she was still worried in her distant way. I embraced the feeling of my older sibling's worry. It was oddly nice to bask in. I wasn't sure what Ruby was always complaining about. I was just glad she wasn't offering me therapy for Jaune.

I wasn't sure how to handle that odd ball of feelings and I didn't want to talk about them with some stranger. Plus I was sure that almost no matter what the topic was our problem child would probably come up. Even if it was just discussing torturing the Don.

Winter flickered over some other images on her data pad. It was two way so I couldn't help but see.

"Is that… Tyrian?" I asked.

"You know this person?" Winter asked. "He was a known mass murderer."

She reversed the image on the data pad for me.

I nodded. "He was in Mistral. He's the Scorpion faunus I told you about. The agent of Salem."

"I see." Winter scrolled through her report. "I was only just beginning to look at this statement regarding him. It appears he is a prospect for the description you provided. Scorpion faunus, claw like weapons, a metallic prosthesis for a tail. He's a match."

I stared at the photograph of Tyrian with blood at the corner of his lips. He was still smiling with a faint grin on his mouth and in his eyes.

"He's dead?" I asked, I examined the image. I'd fought him in Mistral. He was incredibly fast. And he fought with all of his five limbs in play. It made for a difficult opponent. He was easily the most dangerous enemy I had ever faced in real combat.

"He is. He was killed by Cloud Strife. Or someone with a similar weapon. Most likely him, however. A broadsword, to the chest. A mass murderer like Tyrian Callows would have been bad for Strife's business and that of his allies. He intervened and cut off Salem's influence at the knees."

"Strife is that dangerous?" Yang asked. "Who would have thought?"

"Indeed, Strife is making quite the name for himself and he's proving near impossible to catch with Neapolitan working for him. She's an illusionist and talented at that." Winter replied. "We don't even have a good image of him."

"A broadsword…" I murmured. I tried to connect it with the familiar portrait of Cloud Strife. It was possible, however unlikely, that Jaune did this. Tall, blonde hair, and blue eyes. If nothing else Jaune was similar to Strife. Winter had my description of Jaune, though. I was sure that if it was him, then she'd be closing the noose on him already. For good or for ill.

"What's the mission today?" Ruby asked. Maybe she was thinking the same thing I was and wanted the conversation to move along. Or maybe she was just genuinely asking.

"Grimm in a dust mine near where Amity is being repaired. You're being teamed up with the Ace Ops to clear them out."

"Anything special or just an infestation in general," Blake took the mission dossier from Winter and began to read. I got my own copy and started to leaf through it.

"There's been reports of a rather old giest. It is something to be wary of when you go in," Winter answered. "The classified nature of this mission is what calls for you all. It could be relatively minor and not worth all your skills. Or it could prove necessary."

I read through and looked at the map of the dust mines. It was entirely possible things could get rough in there with no means of supplying one another with quick aid.

"And this is close to where Amity is being worked on," I asked.

"It's nearby. As you can see we'll be dropping you all in. So have a landing strategy prepared."

"This dust mine… it belongs to the Schnee corporation." Blake murmured. She met my eye.

I looked through the dossier and found what she was looking at.

"It used to. It was seized by Atlas under imminent domain," my sister returned. "And it was promptly closed. We couldn't afford leaks about what's going on with Amity and we needed the space."

"And all that untouched dust will be needed for the first phase of the tower's launch," Clover continued for Winter. "Atlas huntsmen are already at work clearing out the surrounding tundra but that Giest evaded destruction and took refuge in the mines; it also took several lives. It's smart. It's old. It's dangerous. The works."

"The mines are an absolute maze from all the excavation they did back in the day. There's all kinds of tunnels it can move between. So, if we're going to kill this thing, we're going to have to split up and corner it. Pin it down, then drop the hammer on it," Clover continued.

I nodded at him while he projected a map of the mines for us. It had one enormous chamber and a series of off-shooting tunnels.

"We need to get this done before any of the other workers or soldiers get hurt. Any questions?" He finished crisply.

I closed the dossier. We had none.

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With the help of Ace Ops destroying the giest was easy enough. They cornered it in the largest chamber and picked away at its body. To tell the truth it didn't seem like Ace Ops needed much of our help. They were all fast and strong and they operated well as a team. It made me a little jealous. Sure we worked well together, but that well? Perhaps not.

We exited the mine all together and soldiers rushed in behind us to start to secure the place and start getting dust unloaded and ready for the launch.

"Ruby, Qrow? May I speak to you both for a moment?" It was Ironwood standing by a bunch of military trucks. He'd been talking to Clover. That just left Yang, Blake, and I on an airstrip. A plane bearing the SDC logo came descending down on the strip we were on.

"So let me get this straight James." My father came striding out of the airship. His face was red with rage. I hated that look. I was it's target more than once. "In addition to this nonsensical embargo of yours crippling my business, you've also decided you have the authority to commandeer private property. When the council hears about this you will never-"

"Actually I've already informed them. As this is now the site of a classified military operation. It didn't even require a vote." Ironwood ran my father over easily.

"Didn't require a vote?!"

"You might want to brush up on council law before you lose this upcoming election, Jacques; now, I've allowed you to land here once as a courtesy. The next time won't be a friendly reception."

"Lately you seem to forget who your friends really are. I'm going to get that council seat, James and maybe then you'll…" he noticed me standing there in my new blue outfit. "You… you roped my missing daughter into these schemes of yours too? How long has she been back in Atlas? Does Winter know about this-"

"It was my decision to leave you. It was my decision to come back. Or have you forgotten all about that?"

"If you think I'm one to forget anything, girl, then you've misjudged the man your father is."

"Believe me, I know exactly the kind of man you are." I folded my arms over my chest and I stared my father down. He was abusive, emotionally and physically. He was a coward who ran from his own name. He had no right to talk to me that way. I wasn't his doll. Never again.

"How dare you speak to me that way, I have half a mind to-"

"Half a mind to what, Jacques?" Ironwood interrupted my father again.

My father growled and did up his sleeve. "You know, your mother was devastated when you left." I glowered up at him. "Didn't leave her room for days. You know how she gets when she's upset."

My mother… she knew the sort of man she was marrying. On one level I felt pity for her, on the next I couldn't help but feel that she was getting what she deserved. She knew who my father was. She had to have. And she married him anyway. Still… still I couldn't help but feel sorry for her. Which was what I knew my father wanted.

I felt some disgust at myself and at his emotional manipulation. He was always like this. I should have known I could never take the high road with him stooping so low.

He turned away from me and back to Ironwood. "I knew one day you would overextend your reach. I didn't come here to beg for an abandoned mine. I came here to thank you. For personally handing me the noose to hang you. You'll regret this." He turned back to me. Ruby had come up and was holding my hand. Rubbing little circles of comfort into it.

I squeezed her fingers back and she threaded hers between mine. It was small, but it was ours. No one else could take that from me.

"So these are the little friends you threw everything away for." He always reached for the low blow. He was predictable like that. Knowing that didn't make it any easier to deal with, however.

"Not friends. Family." I returned.

He stalked back to his ship past Ironwood with a growl.

I let a sigh escape me as his ship departed.

A military vehicle pulled up in his spot and Winter popped her head out. Glaring up at father's ship.

"Winter, oh now you show up. You just missed father."

"Oh I wouldn't say I missed him," she returned. She felt rather the same about father as I did. That was healthy to know.

I was not alone.

pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq

-WG

9 notes · View notes

lils-writes-stuff · 4 years

Text

Foundation

spencer reid x reader

Summary: an early morning case in arizona brings up some of the readers feelings and reminds her of her past.

warnings: normal criminal minds things,

A/N: based on season 7 episode 18; it’s a cute one with lots of little reader/spencer moments

Y/N laid on the plush bed, head lying on her pillow, sleeping peacefully. Spencer’s arm draped across her torso as he spooned her. The tranquil mood was what kept it so sound...until the moment was no longer so tranquil.

Y/N jerked up as the sound of her phone ringing woke her up.

“What’s going on?” Spencer asked as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes, Y/N’s movements waking him up.

Y/N picked up her phone, reading the text from Penelope saying “911. Meet and debrief on the jet in one hour.”

“Penelope, she says it's an emergency,” Y/N said, swinging her legs over the side of the bed and sitting there for a second.

“Five more minutes,” Spencer said, moving over so he was closer to Y/N, his arms wrapping around her waist.

“I know, but if we don’t get up now we never will,” she began to stand up but Spencer’s arms stopped her. “Spencer, come on bub we have to get ready,” she pleaded to her boyfriend.

“You’re warm and I want to cuddle,” he said, his early morning brain clearly not thinking straight.

“I promise you when we get back from this case I will give you all the cuddles you want and more, if you get up right now,” Y/N bargained to the curly-headed man.

He sat up, hair a tousled mess as he looked at her with sleepy, hopeful eyes. “You promise the cuddles and more?”

“Yes, I promise now let’s go get dressed,” she said standing up and making her way to the bathroom, Spencer following close behind.

--------

“Hi, hi, hi. Sorry for the cryptic late-night text, but I promised I’d fill you in here, and I am a girl who keeps her promises so,” Penelope said through the laptop screen as everyone entered the plane. “Okay, so this boy was found two hours ago in the middle of nowhere. Well, technically he was found outside of Crawford, Arizona, my point is he has clearly been to super hell and escaped some sort of captivity.”

“How do we know he wasn’t just dropped off there?” Derek asked, looking through the small file in his hand.

“Well, he has fresh cuts on the bottom of his feet from the local cactus fields, and that’s away from any roads, and his skin is rubbed raw around his ankles from chains,” Penelope explained.

Y/N looked through the file in her hand, thumbing through the medical report and the small number of pictures. Her heart clenched as she looked at the picture of the boy. Cuts and bruises adorned his thin arms, and his clothes tattered.

“He must’ve had a chance to escape and he took it,” Derek said.

“Or the unsub could have had him in transit,” Emily argued.

“My God, guys look at his eyes,” Penelope said as she looked at the picture of the boy.

Y/N turned back to the picture of the boy’s face, examining the yellow colors of his eyes. “He’s jaundiced,” she said her heart aching. There were two types of cases she hated more than anything, family annihilators because she could never imagine what the parents thought in the leading moments of the unsubs killing their children, and child abduction cases.

“He probably hasn’t seen daylight in a while,” JJ said.

“Yeah, there’s a lot of scars here,” Derek said, flipping back and forth between the pictures.

“And those are the ones we can see,” Rossi said, making Y/N’s stomach from knots at the thought.

“Well, it’s hard to tell for certain, but he’s maybe thirteen,” Emily said, looking at the photo closely in her hand.

“Are there any missing children in the area, Garcia?” Spencer asked.

“None until now, but, sir-” she pointed her attention to Hotch- “you may have more information than I do.”

“I do, earlier tonight another boy was reported missing in Flagstaff,” Hotch replied.

“That can’t be a coincidence, seeing how close the two places are,” Y/N said.

“Technically it could, but Arizona has the lowest abduction rate in the country so the chances of these cases not being related are ridiculously slim,” Spencer said, looking back down at the folder in his hand.

“Yeah, that’s why child abduction rapid deployment will meet you on the ground,” Penelope told them.

“The Flagstaff abduction is Billy Henderson, 13, his parents say he was coming back from a friend’s house after dinner,” Hotch said, taking a seat on the couch as the jet took off.

“But he never made it,” Y/N added, causing Hotch to nod his head.

“Okay, they set up roadblocks, but the unsub has a head start,” Penelope said.

“Right now our best chance of finding Billy Henderson is to figure out what the first victim knows,” Derek said.

“Exactly. So, Morgan, you and JJ go to the hospital, see if you can get through to him, the rest of us will set up point at the police station,” Hotch told everyone, allowing them to nod back in response.

“Losing this kid probably has enraged the unsub,” Y/N said looking over at Hotch.

“And there’s no telling what he’ll do to Billy,” he added. “For now, get some rest, we have a long day ahead of us.”

----------

Y/N sat in the back seat of the car as Hotch drove her and Spencer to the Police station. The winding roads of the Arizona roads entranced her as she thought about the case while looking out the window.

“You’re on speaker, Garcia,” Emily’s voice said through the car speaker.

“Okay, I got the whole gang on,” Penelope said. “It looks like the first victim was definitely held in captivity in Crawford, Arizona.”

“Why’s that?” Spencer asked.

“Because a woman walked into Crawford P.D. this morning, she says she remembers a boy in chains, in Crawford, 30 years ago, just like the boy found last night,” Penelope explained.

“Is she still at the station?” Y/N asked, leaning forward so she could be closer to the speaker.

“No, she dropped that bomb of information, and then she took off,” Penelope answered.

“What’s her name?” Rossi asked.

“Her name’s Samantha Allen, most documents have her listed as Sam Allen. Thirty-six, never married, born and raised and lived in Crawford her whole life, owns and operates a nursery, the plant kind, not the baby kind. Her mother died when she was five, dad’s a real estate developer,” Penelope said.

“Is there security footage?” Emily asked.

“Yes, I’m sending that to you, it’s on your tablets right now,” Penelope answered.

Y/N watched the video on the tablet that Spencer held in his hand. Watching how Sam turned to look at something, getting spooked then running out.

“You see that?” Y/N asked, pointing at the tablet.

“Yeah, what scared her?” Spencer questioned back.

“Dave, you and Prentiss see if you can find Samantha Allen, Y/N, Reid, and I will set up at the station,” Hotch said.

“All we can hope is that Morgan and JJ get through to the survivor,” Rossi said.

The three piled out of the car as they arrived at the station, Spencer instinctively looking back to make sure Y/N was okay. He flashed her a small smile which she returned with a small, tired one, but her eyes sparkling none-the-less.

“Detective I’m Agent Hotchner,” Hotch shook the detective’s hand when he reached him.

“Detective Perez,” he responded.

“This is Dr. Reid and Agent Y/L/N,” Hotch said pointing to the two beside him.

“I thought your team was bigger?” Perez asked.

“The rest are following other leads,” Spencer answered, rocking up on his toes then back on the balls of his feet.

“Is C.A.R.D. retracing the escape route that the boy in chains took?” Y/N asked.

“They’ve been canvassing all night. There’s another team in flagstaff retracing Billy Hendersons bike ride, ” Perez responded.

“Where’s Billy’s parents?” Hotch asked.

“Chief's office.”

Y/N turned around, noticing Spencer had wandered over to the shelf that made Sam react in the video. The shelves were full of photos and small statues.

“Detective, you talked to Sam Allen over here correct?” Y/N asked looking over to the detective.

“Yes, I did,” Perez responded.

“In the video, it looked like one of the photos upset her, do you have any idea why?” Spencer asked, opening the door to the room before they entered.

“Yeah, well, it’s weird,” Perez said.

“Why’s that?” Y/N and Spencer said at the same time.

“Because most of these people have passed away. That’s our old chief-” Perez pointed to a photo, then to one above it- “that one there, he built the station and some of the houses around here, it’s J.B. Allen, Sam’s father.”

Spencer and Y/N looked at each other, both having the same thought that that was what spooked Sam Allen out of the station. Y/N called Emily and Rossi who were still on their way to Sam’s work, telling them that was why she ran out.

----------

“Softball, basketball, and soccer, you played a lot of team sports, sounds like me,” Y/N said as she looked at Sam across from her in the interrogation room. She had come back in after Emily and Rossi went to talk to her. She had a change of heart that brought her back here. “Was your dad a coach?”

“No, he was always busy with work, I guess that’s why he kept me busy,” Sam responded, her hands rubbing together nervously under the table. “It was okay though, the house was too quiet after mom died.”

Y/N nodded as she looked at the woman across from her.

“She had cancer. I didn’t really know what that meant growing up, just that...she wasn’t gonna get any better,” Sam finished, her eyes staring absently at the aluminum table.

“Okay, so let’s start with today,” Y/N said leaning closer to Sam. “What brought you to the station?”

“I saw that boy on the news, and I saw, um-- I really can’t explain it,” Sam struggled to put what she saw in words.

“It’s okay, take a breath,” Y/N said hoping to calm the woman into being able to place her thoughts together.

“It was like a movie, in fast-forward. It was dark, so dark, and that-- that little boy he had the same chains on his ankles, and then it was over,” Sam explained. “Those flashes that I saw, that boy, was he real?” She asked, her voice scared.

“That’s what we need to find out,” Y/N said to her. She turned around and motioned for Emily to come in.

“You remember Agent Prentiss,” Y/N said to Sam.

Sam nodded her head and Y/N stood up allowing Emily to sit down to begin her part of the interview. Y/N walked out of the room, crossing her arms as she walked up to Rossi who was watching through the one-way mirror.

“You think the boy’s real?” Rossi asked her.

Y/N let out a huff. “I do, but I don’t think she believes he is yet.”

-----------

Y/N exited the interrogation room and entered where the crime boards were set up. Hotch and Spencer talking to Perez.

“If J.B. Allen is a suspect, why aren’t we kicking down his door?” Perez asked as Y/N walked up and stood next to Spencer.

“Because it’s too risky,” Hotch answered. “If Allen’s who we’re looking for, he has a psychiatric disorder that drives everything he does.”

“He’ll do whatever it takes to hide Billy, and even sacrifice him if he needs to protect his freedom,” Y/N added.

“Everything that this unsub does is methodical, he had a secure place he was able to keep Angel for years, but when Angel escaped, he didn’t mourn his loss. He drove straight to Flagstaff,” Hotch said, sternness prominent in his voice.

“The question is why did he choose Flagstaff? He’d only drive sixty miles out of his way if he knew someone was there to make him feel better,” Spencer looked over to Perez next to him.

Y/N crossed her arms over her chest, her white long-sleeve shirt bunching up at her elbows as she pushed them up. She leaned over to look at the map Spencer had been working on. Her eyes scan over all the red pen markings, trying to engrave it into her brain.

“We don’t think Billy was a victim of opportunity, we think he was a target,” Hotch explained.

“So this isn’t a stranger abduction,” Perez stated.

“He probably saw Angel before, too,” Y/N said looking over to Perez.

“The question is, where would he have access to both these children?” Hotch asked. Y/N and Spencer’s eyes went back to the map, looking at all the areas circled in red. “I’ll go ask the parents,” Hotch said leaving the room.

Y/N and Spencer were left as Perez left the room soon after Hotch.

Y/N let out a huff, arms still crossed as she paced back and forth in front of the crime boards, staring at them intensely like they would give them an answer.

“I know how you, uh, ho- how you feel about child abduction cases,” Spencer said as he looked at Y/N from his seat at the table.

She let out a breathy laugh. “Yeah, that’s why I told Strauss to not put me into crimes against children, that was her first choice,” she looked at Spencer, continuing her pacing.

It became silent for a moment, Spencer knowing nothing she could say would bring Y/N out of her mind. The only way for her to feel better was either to tell him how she was feeling (which he never pushed) or for them to solve this case right now.

“I just never could wrap my brain around this, I’ve studied all these killers and awful people, but my mind can never understand how someone could take a child from their family because they’re so selfish,” Y/N said, her pent up emotions now being released to Spencer.

“I know, it’s one of the many things we can never understand, we can only go on what we know, but we’re going to save Billy Y/N, you have to trust that,” Spencer said, giving Y/N some more hope as she thought about the little boy seeing his parents again.

“Thank you.” She walked over to Spencer who sat in a chair, his arm wrapped around her waist that met his shoulder. Giving her a reassuring squeeze, she smiled and placed her arm around his shoulder.

-------------

“How’s it going in there?” Y/N asked Rossi as she walked into the bullpen of the interrogation room.

“She’s gone through it with her a couple of times now, but things keep getting cloudy,” Rossi explained. “I think this is the last time she’s gonna do it with her.”

Y/N nodded looking into the room, Sam sat with her eyes closed, small tears running down her face as she explained what she was seeing to Prentiss.

Soon Rossi and Y/N were joined by Perez and Hotch, who walked into the room just in time to hear the last of the cognitive interview.

“No, no, no he couldn’t have done this,” Sam said, pleading not to Emily but mostly to herself. “You don’t understand he raised me in that house, he couldn’t have been doing that all these years.”

“She doesn’t want to believe it, I don’t blame her,” Y/N said as she watched Sam cry to Emily.

“J.B.’s friends with the whole town, never remarried, raised Sam by himself,” Perez explained.

“That’s why this is so painful for her, she doesn’t want to believe what he’s capable of,” Hotch said.

“But her memories tell her very differently,” Y/N added, her eyes never leaving Sam.

“Exactly,” Hotch agreed.

“Do you believe her?” Perez asked.

“It’s very hard to fake visceral reactions like that,” Hotch explained.

“Yeah, but she’s talking about a time of serious trauma, on a night she climbed into bed with her dying mother. That plus her age,” Rossi said, trailing off.

“It’s the perfect storm for a recovered memory,” Y/N added.

“Wasn’t that a huge therapy trend in the 80s?” Perez asked.

“A lot of women manufactured memories of their fathers doing horrific things,” Rossi explained.

“And a lot of misguided therapists convinced them that their nightmares were real,” Hotch added.

“It was a huge waste of our resources,” Rossi said, mind going back to the time. “I’m, uh, not sure about this.”

“I think she seems credible enough where we could have discreet rolling surveillance, don’t you agree, Hotch?” Y/N asked, turning to the man beside her.

“Yes, I think that would be wise,” Hotch complied.

“You’ll have to use your own team, ‘cause he’d recognize members of this force,” Perez explained.

“If he has Billy, he won’t hesitate to get rid of him,” Hotch explained. “Y/N you go get Reid, I’ll get a C.A.R.D. team member to join you two.”

Y/N nodded.

“Allen can’t know we suspect him,” Hotch continued, then dismissed Y/N to go get Spencer.

Y/N sat next to Spencer, watching from a distance as an undercover C.A.R.D. member put a wire into an electrical box, pretending to fix it.

“He’s acting so normal,” Y/N said as she watched J.B. unload his truck.

“He could not be our unsub,” Spencer said, eyes pressed against the binoculars.

“Yeah, but you should’ve seen how Sam reacted to her memory, it was too emotional for it to be made up,” Y/N explained, moving back from the spot by the door.

Spencer's phone rang and he pulled it out answering the call from Hotch.

“Hey Hotch, you know if J.B. Allen is our unsub, he certainly doesn’t seem unhinged,” Spencer said after answering the phone.

“Yeah, he went to the market today, and then he stopped by his daughter’s nursery,” Y/N added as she leaned closer to the phone in Spencer’s hand.

“Right now we’re watching him landscaping,” Spencer explained.

“At his house?” Hotch asked.

“Yeah,” Spencer and Y/N said at the same time.

“Is it isolated?”

“Very isolated, there’s a lot of land,” Y/N explained.

“You remember what Garcia sent us on J.B. Allen? He started his contracting business in 1975, married Sam’s mom that same year, she died when Sam was five, as we know. He never remarried and despite the newer subdivisions he built, he stayed in the same house he shared with his wife,” Spencer said, reading off of the folder in his hand.

“So he’s either sentimental, or he didn’t sell because he’s customized the house to hide his victims,” Hotch said.

Y/N and Spencer looked at each other, both knowing that was probably the reason.

“We’ll hit you back if he gets anything else,” Y/N said to Hotch before Spencer hung up and the two continued to watch J.B.

Y/N picked up a newspaper and pen that sat on the table in the van. She noticed the crossword puzzle and began to fill it out.

“What are you doing?” Spencer asked, sitting beside her, their shoulders bumping.

“I’m trying to solve this crossword puzzle,” she said, her eyes staying on the page as she filled out one of the blanks.

“That’s wrong.” Spencer pointed to the word that Y/N hadn’t even finished filling out.

“What, how?” She asked her head turning to look at Spencer next to her. Their faces so close she could feel his light breath.

“The answer’s chlorine,” he corrected. She looked back down to the paper noticing how the word ‘sodium’ indeed wouldn’t fit.

“Well, Dr. Reid, why don’t you answer it,” she said, handing him the puzzle and pen.

--------------

“You just have to talk to him Sam,” Emily said to Sam over the phone.

Rossi and Emily had joined Spencer and Y/N in the van when Sam decided that she was going to go in with a wire on. Y/N sat next to Spencer while he did another crossword puzzle, both of their eyes going back and forth between the puzzle in his lap and the screen with the live video of the front of the house.

“You can do this,” Emily told her before Sam hung up the phone and entered the home.

They all watched as Sam jumped out of her truck and walked into the house. They all listened through their earpieces as Sam walked into the house and greeted her father.

“Chili, you want some?” J.B. asked.

“It smells great, dad, but I can’t stay,” Sam answered.

“Since when? It’s my chili,” J.B. said.

“He’s not trying to get her out of there,” Rossi said, two fingers placed on the earpiece.

“Not yet at least,” Y/N said, looking back down to the puzzle Spencer had just finished.

“Hey, is my old catcher’s mitt still in the basement?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, why?” J.B. responded.

“I was thinking about coaching softball down at the rec,” Sam answered.

Y/N listened to J.B.’s voice carefully as he responded to each thing Sam said. Her brows furrowed in concentration as she tried to pick out anything in his voice.

“Is it still in the bin?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, let me get it,” J.B, said, their footsteps being heard as they started to walk.

Emily looked back at the three behind her, making a face showing that it was suspicious as to why he wouldn’t let her down there. He then explained that he had too many boxes and he wanted to start a yard sale the next week.

They all listened with intent as Sam walked through the basement.

“He let her go down there,” Rossi said.

“Yeah, but he hesitated,” Emily argued.

“He’s not acting like he’s got something to hide, Emily,” Rossi said looking at the woman.

“That’s how he’s gotten away with it,” Emily continued, her mindset on J.B. being guilty of something.

“Yeah, but we don’t know that,” Y/N said. She did have the same feeling, but with the way J.B. was acting, it told her otherwise.

“You find it?” J.B.’s voice was heard, scaring not only Sam but Y/N also as she wasn’t expecting to hear it.

Her little jump made Spencer chuckle before apologizing when Rossi looked back at him.

“Told you it was a mess down here,” J.B. continued. Sam and her father had a small conversation as they exited the basement. They came into view of the camera again as they stood out on the front porch, saying their goodbyes, and then Sam getting into her truck.

Emily picked up her phone when Sam called.

“I’m so sorry,” Sam spoke.

“It’s okay, you did everything we asked,” Emily replied.

“There was nothing in the basement, I’m sorry,” she apologized again. Her truck then drove past the van as she hung up the phone, being done with the whole conversation.

“Now all we’ve got is the kid,” Rossi said.

----------

Y/N walked into the room with the crime boards, following behind Hotch and Rossi. She looked between the two men’s shoulders to see Emily standing with Sam, who had a horrified look on her face.

“Guys, Sam’s father gave her gifts, trophies from each abduction,” Emily explained to the three.

“That’s significant,” Rossi stated.

“I didn’t know that’s what they were.” Sam turned back to look at Rossi behind her, a pleading look on her face.

“We need to find out if Angel had a puppy the day he was taken,” Emily said looking at Hotch and Y/N.

“I’ll call JJ,” Y/N said, pulling her phone out and calling her number.

The phone rang three times before JJ answered. “Hey Y/N,” she said with a sigh.

“Hey, JJ, listen I need you to find out if Angel had a puppy the day he disappeared,” Y/N said getting straight to the point.

“A puppy?” JJ asked, confused.

“Yeah,” Hotch confirmed.

“Ohh...that’s right,” a distant woman was heard through the phone. “Some of the neighbors were giving them away that day, they had a whole box, but I wouldn’t let the boys keep one.”

“You guys hear that?” JJ asked.

��Yes, thanks, JJ,” Hotch answered.

“Uh, wait, Hotch,” JJ said before they could hang up. “Um, we’re trying to get a dental match. He’s got old bite marks on him,” JJ explained.

At this Sam gasped.

“What is it?” Y/N asked her as she turned to her.

“Oh- my dad had his teeth recapped a few years ago. He said something like, ‘that’s what happens when you get older’ or whatever. He made a joke about it,” Sam explained as she began to cry again.

Hotch and Rossi looked at each other before they ran out of the room to get Perez before heading to J.B.’s house.

Y/N stood with Emily and Sam as they discussed more of her father throughout her childhood. Spencer walked into the room about five minutes after Hotch and Rossi left to go to the house.

“Hey,” Y/N said, turning to Spencer.

“Hey,” he responded, his hand grazing against her back as he stood between her and Emily to look at the map.

Emily turned to the boards, looking over the pictures. Her phone rang loudly. “You’re on speaker, Garcia,” she said, turning back to Sam, Y/N, and Spencer who stood at the table.

“So I tracked J.B. Allen’s property developments over the last thirty years. They’re all over the map-- well of Arizona, anyway. Sending it to you now, hope you can make more sense of it then I can,” Penelope said.

“Thanks, Garcia.” Emily hung up the phone then looked at the map Penelope sent.

“Sam, the one thing that your memory and Angel’s escape have in common is he was getting rid of both boys,” Y/N said, bringing Sam’s attention over to her.

“He would only do that if he had another boy waiting in the wings, that means he met his victims before,” Emily elaborated on what Y/N had just said.

“How? I mean, they’re hours apart,” Sam asked.

“Look at the towns-” Spencer said pointing down to the map- “He had subdivisions in all of them. Construction sites are a magnet for 10 to 12 year-old-boys,” he explained.

Sam got the horrified look on her face again as another memory came back to her.

“He-- he gave kids a ride on the backhoe all the time,” Sam stuttered. “They would just line up for it.”

The three agents looked at each other knowing that was where he was finding them.

“My God-- I-I didn’t know.”

“It’s okay you couldn’t have,” Y/N said comforting her.

Emily quickly called Hotch. “We found his target-rich environment,” she said after Hotch answered.

“The construction sites?” He asked.

“Yeah,” Emily quickly responded.

“See if Sam remembers a particular one that he took her to frequently,” Hotch said.

“Just one place?” Emily asked.

“He keeps his victims for years, the burial sites would be someplace special,” he answered.

“Is there a favorite place your dad likes to go?” Emily asked, looking at Sam.

She lifted her head up to look at her. “You mean like the- the lake or something?” She asked.

“No, someplace probably having to do with his work, one he’s proud of,” Y/N explained.

“His first development,” she said looking up to Emily.

“Where is it?” Emily asked.

“In Mesa, every few years he adds on to it.” Sam’s words made the three-stop and look at her

“He adds another house?” Y/N asked, raising her eyebrows.

“He says that it’s the place that reminds him how he got started, it set the foundation for everything,” Sam explained.

“Did you hear that?” Emily asked Hotch and Rossi on the phone.

“Loud and clear,” Rossi responded.

------------

Y/N watched as Hotch brought Billy into the room where his parents were. A smile on her face as she was finally able to be relieved from her worries from the case.

Spencer stood beside her, placing an arm around her as he gave her a light hug. Her hand reached up to his chest, laying it there and resting her head on his shoulder. The two turned their heads to watch as J.B. was brought in by Rossi. Watching as Sam began to get choked up with tears as her father was arrested for all the cruel things he did that she never even knew about.

The team sat on the plane later that night. Most of them were asleep, but Y/N was wide awake.

Her eyes watched out the window, mind on the words that J.B. said to his daughter, “He says it's the place that got him started, that set the foundation for everything.” The words brought her back to her college years, specifically Caroline, and how she would always say that this was just the start. It was the first thing she said after tormenting one of Y/N’s friends for the first time.

“You alright, sweets? You’re crying,” Spencer asked from his seat across from her.

She hadn’t even noticed the stream of tears that were falling from her eyes. Her hand reached up and wiped her face.

“Ye-yeah, I’m good, sorry, I was just, um, thinking about what J.B. told Sam about his property in Mesa, it brought me back to something Caroline used to say,” she explained to him.

He looked at her with a sad expression, his hand reaching across the small table between them for hers. She placed her hand in his as he gave it a squeeze.

“She’s not here, Y/N, and I won’t let her hurt you again, I promise,” he told her with a serious face.

She didn’t take the promise to heart. She knew he couldn’t stop everything from happening, but she was happy that she had him there to be by her side no matter what.

“Thank you, Spence.” He gave her another squeeze as a way of saying you’re welcome. “You know, bub, you should get some sleep, those dark circles under your eyes make you look terrible,” she joked.

“Oh, my dark circles are terrible? You should see yours,” Spencer responded with a light laugh.

They sat and joked for a while before Y/N became tired and started to fall asleep in her chair.

When she woke up the plane had just landed. It was early in the morning still, too early if you asked Y/N. After she grabbed her bag, she made her way to her car to go home.

“Y/N wait,” Spencer said, as he walked up behind her. “You promised me cuddles.”

His words were sweet and his tone was pleading as he gave her puppy dog eyes. She smiled at him, knowing he wasn’t going to back down.

“Okay, get it, we’ll have a movie cuddle date,” she said unlocking her car and placing her bag in the back. Spencer doing the same, then grabbing her arm and pulling her close.

“One thing,” he said placing his lips on hers. Her hands grabbed his sides, while his own cradled her face. The sweet kiss was full of love and tasted like lousy coffee, but the kiss made the butterflies in Y/N’s stomach fly around anyway.

“Ah, gross, get a room,” Emily said with a laugh as she saw the two kissing.

“Get some, Pretty boy,” Derek said chuckling while he passed them heading to his own car.

“Okay, let’s go,” Y/N said after she pulled away and got into the car, Spencer getting in right behind her.

Tag List (let me know if you want to be added!!):

@throughparisallthroughrome @word-scribbless @nintendumbfuck @confused-and-really-hungry @justine-en @andiebeaword @itsarayofsunshine @baby-i-am-fireproof @abitofeverythinggg @nanocoool @marceline-is-my-spirit-animal @fancyfaucet @im-a-raging-gay @atletino

#spencer reid #spencer reid imagine #criminal minds #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds meme #aaron hotchner #aaron hotch hotchner #derek morgan #derek morgan imagine

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thelordofdarkreunion · 3 years

Text

A List of Things the Scoundrels Are No Longer Allowed to Do

So, I have recently read “A List of Things Skippy Isn’t Allowed to Do in the Army” and “A List of Things Dr. Bright isn’t allowed to do at the SCP Foundation”, and I decided to do a version of my own. Some of these are taken from these other two lists. If anyone who reads this you has any ideas for the list, feel free to add them.

The group known as the Magnificent Scoundrels has gotten a bit out of hand. This list was compiled by Admiral Hackett of the Systems Alliance, Admiral Kelly of the GA, Fleet Admiral Hood of the UNSC, Inquisitor Vail of the Holy Inquisition, Commander Briggs of the Frontier Militia, Princess Leia of the New Republic, and Director Fury of SHIELD in order to curb the Scoundrels’ more dangerous or inappropriate behaviors. These rules apply to all Scoundrels and their teams/crews.

1. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to call SPARTAN super soldiers “big boys”.

2. The Better Business Bureau is not the correct agency for handling people who smuggle Sith holocrons.

3. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to say the phrase “I am in need of a new host body” within earshot of Imperial Inquisitors.

4. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to bargain personnel for their “souls”. Even if they say they can get you a good deal.

5. Government equipment is not to be used to bootleg pornography.

6. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to cite Kevin McCallister from Home Alone as a credible source for anti-personnel tactics in official documents.

7. The rumor that Adam Vir wears heelies while in official dress uniform is a blatant lie.

8. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to send spam emails to Ceberus. Even if it is funny.

9. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to apply mind control devices to major political figures.

10. Thomas Drake is no longer allowed to use time travel devices. Especially if his reasoning is to “screw with those history nerds.”

11. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use telepaths to alter or affect the outcomes of reality based television shows.

12. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to trade government property for liquor.

13. “I was bored” is not a valid excuse.

14. The Scoundrels are not allowed to begin a crusade without the written permission of the Imperial Inquisition.

15. Thanos is not to be referred to as “Biggy T”.

16. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use fan conventions as recruitment drives.

17. Any proposal which includes the phrase “metric fuck load” is to be denied.

18. The video game Doom is not a credible source.

19. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to allow Starfleet red shirts to be possessed by daemons or ancient Sith Lords.

20. When researching time travel, please refer to the work of the IMC’s ARES Division or the Starfleet, not Doctor Who, Back to the Future, or Call of Duty Zombies.

21. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to to accept or use any of the following as currency:

Your soul

Anyone else’s soul

Firstborn children

Memories

Memes

Blood

Organs

Virginity

Ponies

Eldritch Artifacts

22. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to join any communist party for any reason. (Note from Thomas Drake- Hell yeah. Those guys suck.)

23. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to join any fascist party for any reason. (Note from Thomas Drake- Hell yeah. Those guys suck too.)

24. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to join the Imperial Cult, unless they are an already practicing member. (Note from Thomas Drake- LONG LIVE OUR GLORIOUS LEADER THE GOD-EMPEROR OF MAN AND IF YOU ARE AN INQUISITOR PLEASE NOTE I HAVE NEVER SAID ANYTHING BAD ABOUT THE EMPEROR EVER.)

25. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to taunt the Asari about how bad they are at fighting wars.

26. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to chew gum during staff meetings, unless they brought enough for everybody.

27. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to chew gum during staff meetings, even if they did bring enough for everyone.

28. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use Volus’s as bowling pins or bowling balls.

29. While we do not have jurisdiction over him and thus cannot prevent their sale, none of the other Scoundrels are to purchase or proquire experimental drugs from Thomas Drake.

30. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to imply that their superior officers served in World War II. They aren’t that old.

31. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use military vehicles to “squish” things.

32. Surprisingly enough, or, perhaps not, considering what’s on there, downloading the entirety of 4chan into a Geth Colossus did, in fact, shut it down.

33. Loudspeaker systems are not to be used to broadcast the soundtracks of porno movies.

34. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to drink copious amounts of food coloring before urine tests.

35. When operating military vehicles, the Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt “something I saw in a cartoon”.

36. Do not dare SERE graduates to eat bugs. They will always do it.

37. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to make s’mores while on guard duty.

38. The Illuminati are not a part of the chain of command.

39. Pants are not optional parts of a dress uniform.

40. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to trade military equipment for “magic beans”. (Note from Peter Quill- They were pretty cool though.)

41. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to call medics “Dr. Feelgood” unless Feelgood is the medic’s actual last name.

42. The God-Emperor of Mankind is not to be referred to as “Big Daddy E” or “The Lord of Bling”.

43. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to take the batteries from other peoples alarm clocks.

44. Unless you are a certified Titan Pilot, you are not allowed to pilot a Titan.

45. Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.

46. “Challenge accepted” is not a valid excuse for anything.

47. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to claim that they are reincarnations of famous historical figures without proof.

48. Thomas Drake is a human mercenary. He does not possess any of the following:

Laser eyes

Laser nostrils

Laser [CENSORED]

An adamantium skeleton

A map leading to “all of the Nazi gold”

Mjolnir

The Kronorium

The Necronomicon

The Book of Magnus

“The touch”

“The power”

“The secret”

“The 6th sense”

The ability to distinguish between butter and I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter!

49. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to start theological debates between members of the Imperial Cult and the Covenant.

50. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to mock Stormtroopers of the Galactic Empire over how bad their aim is. Even if their aim is bad.

51. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to hold “Jamaican vacation giveaways”.

52. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to sell counterfeit Infinity Stones.

53. Pictures of other Scoundrels in compromising positions are not to be put on the internet. Or the extra- or holo- net.

54. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to “water” Vrul. While they do get their energy from photosynthesis, they are not plants.

55. The Scoundrels are not “the final bosses” of anything.

56. The Scoundrels must try not to antagonize SPECTREs, Inquisitors, or ODSTs.

57. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to purchase anyone’s soul on government time.

58. There are no evil clowns living under your bed.

59. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to form press gangs.

60. The Scoundrels are not the kings or queens of cheese.

61. If the thought of something makes you giggle for more than 15 seconds, you are to assume you aren’t allowed to do it.

62. Crucifixes do not ward off superior officers, and you should not test that.

63. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to mount bayonets on heavy machine guns.

64. Try and keep all mockery of the press at an appropriate minimum.

65. You cannot imply your CO is possessed by anything.

66. You cannot trade your CO to the Covenant.

67. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use government resources to waterproof dirty magazines.

68. Radioactive material should not be stored in the barracks.

69. Two drink limit does not mean first and last.

70. “I was drunk” is not a valid or appropriate excuse.

71. Mandalorian armor is not part of any of our governments’ full dress uniforms.

72. You should not yell “Kobe!” when blowing up enemy starships.

73. The “revolution” is not now.

74. Unless you are in extremely dire circumstances, you are not allowed to eat your uniform.

75. Body checking General officers is not a good idea.

76. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to tell police officers that belt-fed machine guns are “medicinal”.

77. If you check the box marked “Other” on official documents, you have to fill it out.

78. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to fill prescription drug bottles with M&M’s or Mike and Ike’s.

79. None of the Scoundrels possesses a name that, when spoken aloud, can kill.

80. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to challenge anyone to a duel.

81. The proper response to a briefing is not “that’s what you think”.

82. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to end official reports with Sabaton lyrics. Or lyrics from any metal band, for that matter.

83. The phrase “to conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys” is not to be said.

84. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to appeal to humanity’s baser instincts on recruitment posters.

85. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to refer to N7’s Iron Eye Soldiers Space Marines janitors anyone as “the cool kids”.

86. None of the Scoundrels have “won the internet” and are not authorized to declare that they or any other individual or individuals have done so.

87. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use redacted data in official reports as “mad-libs”.

88. The following are not appropriate sources for new crew members:

Temp agencies

Reality show talent pools

“Orphans”

“Urchins”

“Ragmuffins”

“Those sons of bitches who I know had a stacked deck”

Ex-girlfriends

Ex-boyfriends

Ex-partners of any variation whatsoever

Forum trolls

“Angsty teens”

89. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to sneak links to Rick Astley’s Never Gonna Give You Up into official reports.

90. None of the Scoundrels possess “voodoo powers”.

91. “Why not?” is not a valid excuse.

92. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to make masturbation jokes when in the presence of official dignitaries.

93. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to play the song Thriller when in the presence of anything that could be considered a zombie, which includes but is not limited to Curse of Unbelief victims, Vrul Zombies, and Reaper Husks.

94. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to say the phrase “elephant sauce”.

95. “No shirt, no shoes, no service” does not imply that undergarments are unnecessary.

96. The following words and phrases may not be used in marching cadence:

Budding sexuality

Necrophilia

I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead

Lubrication

Your mama

All Marines are latent homosexuals

Tantric yoga

Gotterdammerung

We’ve all got jackboots now

Any references to squid

97. You can’t have flashbacks to wars you weren’t in.

98. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on the basis the world is going to end, more than once.

99. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to take or place bets on what would happen if the Tyranids fought the Flood.

100. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use the Enterprise’s transporters to steal things.

101. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use the phrase “We fight for Mother Russia!”

102. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to sing the National Anthem of the Soviet Union when entering or exiting buildings.

103. Adam Vir is no longer allowed to claim that “PTSD is just spicy nostalgia.”

104. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to try and get kidnapped by the Dark Eldar.

105. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to try to figure out a way to bring back the Protheans and the Forerunners so they can fight each other.

106. Drax the Destroyer is no longer allowed to claim that he can become invisible just by standing still.

107. Please do not confuse the primarchs of the Turian Hierarchy with the Primarchs of the Imperium of Man.

108. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to refer to Admiral Ackbar or any other member of the Mon Calamari race as “those calamari boys”.

109. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to address their superior officers as “bro”.

110. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to try and sell major political figures to Trazyn the Infinite.

111. Peter Quill is not a god.

112. Please refrain from using nicknames when referring to the Avengers, which includes but is not limited to calling Captain America “the spangly dude”, Thor “sparky guy”, Iron Man “my homie”, and Captain Marvel “Her”.

113. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use Titans as personal valets.

114. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt to contact the Shadow Realm.

115. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to to steal artifacts from any of the following:

Luke Skywalker

Shadow Revenant

The Collector

Trazyn the Infinite

General Marder

The Adeptus Mechanicus

116. Thomas Drake is not allowed to be near any weapon capable of producing an explosive force greater than ten megatonnes.

117. Do not ever challenge a Klingon to a duel.

118. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to flip off Force ghosts.

119. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use the phrase “It’s boogaloo time!”

120. The Scoundrels are to stop introducing A.I.’s to the teachings of the Cult Mechanicus.

121. The Scoundrels are to stop referring to Thomas Drake as “Our Glorious Overlord.”

122. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to send porn to the Shadow Broker. This is the ninth hit on you guys we’ve had to stop.

123. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to refer to the crewmates or superiors of any of the other Scoundrels as “extremely hot”. Even if they are.

124. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to say that they are “super gay for Loki”.

125. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to pit a biotic, psyker, and Force-sensitive against each other just to “see what happens”.

126. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use this list as a resume.

127. The Scoundrels shall not may not begin their sentences with “thou shalt not”.

128. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to send videos of “the sax guy” to the Borg.

129. Jack Cooper does not have “tons of gold” hidden somewhere on the destroyed planet of Typhon.

130. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to tell Jedi or Astra Telepathica recruits “You’re a wizard, Harry”.

131. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to stand in the corner and twiddle their thumbs.

132. “YOLO” is not a valid excuse for anything.

133. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use this list as a to-do list.

134. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt to replicate the experiments of Edward Richtofen from Call of Duty Zombies. Or the experiments of any other insane fictional doctor.

135. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to throw themselves through windows “to prove that the glass is unbreakable” for any reason whatsoever.

136. “Because reasons” is not a viable excuse.

137. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to refer to anyone else as “peasant” or “plebeian”.

138. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to tell new personnel fictional horror stories involving their families.

140. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to tell new personnel factual horror stories involving their families.

141. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to taunt eldritch beings imprisoned within artifacts.

142. Speedos are not part of formal attire.

143. If Ciaphas Cain is telling you a story about his exploits, he is exaggerating what he did, downplaying what he did, outrageously lying about what he did, and telling the complete truth about what he did all at the same time.

144. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt to sell fictional stocks to the Tesraki or Ferengi.

145. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt to defraud the stock exchange.

146. No religious deity is allowed to contradict orders from a superior officer.

147. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to dress up as each other.

148. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to make pin-up calendars. Especially of each other.

149. Vulcan nerve pinches do not work on Chaos Space Marines.

150. Shepard and Agent Coulson are not allowed to form a “Technically Undead Club”.

151. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt to unmask members of the Mandalorian extremist cult known as ‘The Watch’.

152. Unless you want to lose nine months pay in twenty minutes, do not play cards with Han Solo, Ciaphas Cain, John Shepard, or Thomas Drake.

153. At all times, you should try and stay away from Revenant, Loki, and Cypher.

154. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to re-create scenes from Pulp Fiction.

155. Do not fake heart attacks around Dr. Krill. The poor guy is stressed enough as is.

156. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to challenge Thomas Drake and Liara T’Soni to a “who knows more secrets” game. Lord Inquisitor Hector Rex was very displeased when Drake stole the Grimoire of True Names. (Note from Amberley Vail- How the hell did he manage to get his hands on that?)

157. Thomas Drake is no longer allowed to steal things from the Imperium of Man or the Jedi Order, considering the consequences of such artifacts being in the wrong hands. (Note from Thomas Drake- Of course. I would never…)

158. It is not a good idea to piss off any Scoundrel that considers themselves an information broker.

159. Introducing the Black Templars to heavy metal was, in retrospect, a bad idea.

160. Any ancient alien technology should be submitted to the proper authorities, not sold on Ebay.

161. Challenging a Klingon, Sangheili, or Drev to a duel is a horrible idea. As already mentioned. However, challenging a Custodian to a duel is suicidal.

162. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use Tony Stark’s nicknames for anyone.

163. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use telepaths in casinos.

164. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to start “prank wars”.

165. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to sell themselves or any part of themselves to Trazyn the Infinite.

166. Be warned. If you challenge any of the Scoundrels to do something sexual, they will most likely do it.

167. Do not challenge John-117 or John Shepard to a drinking game. They cannot get drunk. You will die of alcohol poisoning before they’re even a little tipsy.

168. While several of the Scoundrels are members of highly elite military forces, none of them are members of any of the following:

The Swiss Guard

The 101st Airborne Division

The Winged Hussars

The Immortals

Napoleon’s Imperial Guard

The SAS

The 62nd Red Army

Spetznaz

The CIA

The KGB

169. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to kidnap penguins.

170. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to mount bayonets on bayonets.

171. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to hand over annoying journalists to the Borg.

172. Do not ever say the phrase “What’s the worst that could happen?”

173. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to hold contests to see who can cause more of these rules to be created.

174. Adam Vir is to stop bringing new alien species onboard the Omen as pets.

175. The Scoundrels are surprisingly creative when it comes to revenge. Don’t piss them off.

176. Unless you are a Space Marine or Sister of Battle, “Deus Vult” is not a valid excuse.

177. If you need upgrades to your weapons and gear, please use the engineers on your team or other government approved individuals.

178. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to host their own version of the Hunger Games.

179. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to quote Monty Python.

180. No matter how good they are with technology, the Scoundrels are no longer allowed to get any members of the following species to upgrade their gear:

Protheans

Forerunners

Necrons

Eldar

Rakata

181. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt to summon any of the following beings to the material universe or into space ruled by any of our governments:

The Nightbringer

Darth Nihilus

Lord Vitiate

The Old Ones

The Kwa

The Reapers

Deus

The Dominion

Any C’tan

Any individual or entity associated with the Ruinous Powers

Shadow Revenant

182. If you ask them to, most of the Scoundrels will, in fact, “draw you like one of their French girls”.

183. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to bring members of extremely logical-minded species to modern art museums.

184. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to seduce diplomats.

185. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to yell “Ramming speed!” when at the controls of their starships.

186. There is only one God-Emperor of Mankind, and none of the Scoundrels are it.

187. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use Batarian soldiers as target practice.

188. The Imperial Inquisition encourages the Scoundrels to use heretics as target practice.

189. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to initiate random fire drills.

190. Shepard is no longer allowed to lord his SPECTRE status over Alliance enlisted personnel or other “lesser beings”.

191. Adam Vir is not allowed to tell fictional horror stories about Operation Steel Eye.

192. Adam Vir is not allowed to tell factual horror stories about Operation Steel Eye.

193. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to say the phrase “We ride at dawn!”.

194. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to pool their resources to buy any starship over a kilometer long.

195. THE SCOUNDRELS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO STEAL STAR DESTROYERS OR ANY OTHER STARSHIP OVER A KILOMETER IN LENGTH.

196. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to make clones of each other.

197. None of the Scoundrels have holidays named after them. (Addendum: Cain does, on the planet of Perelia.)

198. The Scoundrels are encouraged to stay away from the planet Perelia.

199. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to refer to their crew as “my glorious minions”.

200. John-117 is no longer allowed to attempt orbital reentry with nothing but his suit of armor.

201. Do not imply that Caiphas Cain and Amberley Vail are in a relationship, because, no matter how probable it may seem, Amberley will kill you.

202. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to sell toasters to the Adeptus Mechanicus.

203. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to hold “Casual Fridays”.

204. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use jetpacks.

205. Don’t try to blackmail Drake. The last time someone tried to do this, it was with his sexual history. He laughed in their face and personally published the video on the internet. His public approval rating then went up 30%.

206. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt to replicate the experiments of the Vault-Tech Corporation from the Fallout video game series.

207. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to play Triumphal March whenever they enter or exit a room.

208. None of the Scoundrels are to be allowed anywhere near a lightsaber.

209. None of the Scoundrels are allowed or authorized to knight anyone.

210. None of the Scoundrels are allowed to edit this list.

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