#wake up wake up wake up kaz forgive me

[thepagesofphia]

“may I?

yes”

shadow and bone season 2 episode 6 thoughts and reactions

spoilers in the tags

#hiding who you are won’t save you #I knew we were meant to find each other. #from the beginning. #let’s stack up a thousand today’s together. #inej’s poison dream being kaz #the crooked kingdom vibes oh my goodness I cant #the hallucination scenes oh my goodness #what is the worth of life if you have no one left to fight for? #wake up wake up wake up kaz forgive me #the way she asks him to forgive her for touching him even though she had to to save him #you must sacrifice yourself upon her blade or the fold remains and the girl dies trying to save everyone #the rest will bleed for your stubbornness I will strip away all that you know all that you love till you have no shelter but me #sankta neyar #I’ll never know a love more than this you’re a part of me mal #and the darkling knows #they’re moving through all of this so quickly #shadow and bone #shadow and bone spoilers #kanej supremacy

[freddycartr]

oh my god, i just realized that inej took advantage of being able to touch kaz’s face when she pulls him out of the hallucination. her thumb briefly and gently grazes his temple, because she knows that she may never be able to touch him like this again. but in six of crows on the embassy roof, she touches his cheek, “his eyes were nearly black, the pupils dilated. she could see it took every last of his terrible will for him to remain still beneath her touch. and yet, he did not pull away. she knew it was the best he could offer. it was not enough.” but before she pulls him out of his hallucination, she is leaning fully on him, her body across his. and amita’s acting is fucking insane as she says, “wake up” there is a desperation in her voice and i think amita’s acting shows that she can’t lose him. yes, she can turn away from ketterdam and him to pursue hunting slavers but she can’t lose him. she refuses to watch him die, during the slat fight scene, “inej was moving before she even thought of it. she couldn’t watch him die, she wouldn’t. they had him down now, heavy boots kicking and stomping his body. her knives were in her hands. she’d kill them all. she’d leave the bodies to the rafters for the stadwatch to find.” she recognized that he has a touch aversion which is why she says “kaz! forgive me.” but knows that she is the one that has to do it, because she is the only one that kaz’s trusted with a part of his past, she is the only one that can lower his guard and both of them can slowly take off their armor with respecting their traumas and pasts. not to mention both freddy’s and amita’s performance show both their desire to be touched but, especially with kaz, that he immediately pushes her away as soon as reality hits, his trauma and revulsion outweighing his desire for inej. you can hear inej say “i’m sorry” softly as they both get up from the floor, inej goes close and then gives him space because she recognizes that he needs space from her. this again parallels with the books, "he felt her pull away from him. somehow, in the cramped confines of the wagon, she managed to give him space" and "inej's voice. her voice had brought him back from the dark." but with his back turned, freddy’s reaction shows both disgust and desire to be touched by her again, "he thought of inej’s hand on his cheek. his mind had gone jagged at the sensation, a riot of confusion. it had been terror and disguist and—in all of that clamor—desire, a wish that lingered still, the hope that she would touch him again."

#six of crows #kaz brekker #freddy carter #the crows #amita suman #grishaverse #inej ghafa #leigh bardugo #s&b cast #kanej

[fandomscompilation]

The story of two broken souls (Kaz Brekker x Reader) Part 7

Fandom: Six of Crows

Pairing: eventual Kaz Brekker x Reader

Warnings: alcohol consumption, kissing, drugs, slight sexual actions

A/N: Hello! Welcome to another part! I made this one so we could see a bit more action from the Blade. I know it's not as easy to render someone unconscious as I described, but I suck at fights/action descriptions, so forgive me. Although, I still hope you'll enjoy this part. Remember requests are open and let me know what you think!

Taglist: @d34drapunzel @coldheartedmar @igakc

Gif is not mine!

"Wake up." I groaned at Jesper's voice. He was shaking my shoulder making me swat away his hand. He chuckled before ripping my duvet away.

"I'm gonna kill you." I threaten sitting up and glaring at the smiling boy.

"No you won't. You love me too much." He shrugged throwing my duvet on the bed and heading for my dresser. It was four months since I started working for Brekker and in that time I managed to befriend Jesper. He was a constant in my life by now. "We're going out to collect some intel."

"Why?" I groaned getting up and taking my clothes from him. I walked behind the curtains to change, while he walked around my room to probably collect my belongings.

"Kaz wants us to spy on few guys. There's talks of potential outbreak in one of the gangs." I hummed tying up my hair. Ever since Brekker send me out with Inej, I was send on different types of errands. Most Dregs saw me as the fourth Crow, while I stubbornly said I was still only a bartender. "And since you're good at getting informations out of men he wants you to come with me."

"So I'm basically going to do all the work and babysit you in the meantime?" I furrowed my brows going back to him. He handed me my pistol and two small swords that I hid under my cloak.

"We can grab your favourite coffee on the way back." He smirked leading me out of my room.

"You know that you should drink coffee after you wake up, not when you're already halfway into the day." I huffed walking downstairs with him. Jesper only threw his arms around my shoulders and we went through the Slat with me waving at the few Dregs.

"I hope you'll do the job faster knowing you'll get your coffee when we're done." He explained leading me through the streets. I hummed agreeing and watched the people. I could tell from the crowd that I only got few short hours of sleeps. I had a night shift that turned longer dew to the massive crowd at the bar.

We walked the streets acting like we were there to buy things, with Jesper actually spending money on a new belt and a brooch to his hat.

"The three men at the corner." He said quietly making me nod lightly. I smiled picking up one of the shawls and acting like I was trying it on. We laughed for a bit before I put it down.

"Oh, I want to check that stall." I said pointing excitedly at the stall that was right next to the men. There were some old things layed out and I figured one of them was selling them.

"We were supposed to get coffee now." Jesper frowned playing along and I made puppy eyes at him. "Fine, go ahead. I'll get coffee by myself." He groaned making me smile broadly. With a quick wink his way I skipped to the stall.

I walked up to the table and skimmed my eyes over the display. I heard the men quiet down and could feel their eyes on me, but acted like I didn't notice.

"Can I help you young lady?" I raised my head looking startled.

"Oh, sorry. I just noticed your stall and couldn't stop myself from heading over." I looked to the other men and bit my lip in embarrassment. "I can come back another time if-"

"Nonsense." He waved me off stepping closer and the others walked away. "A client as beautiful as yourself shouldn't have to wait."

"Thank you." I smiled bashfully and looked down to his display. "How did you acquire such a collection sir?"

"I travelled a lot." He shrugged acting nonchalantly and I looked up at him with amazement in my eyes. "You can call me William, sweetheart." I blushed looking down again. I picked up a small beaded bracelet and run my fingers over it.

"This one looks amazing." I said gushing over the jewellery. He chuckled taking it off my hands and clasping it around my wrist.

"Looks even better now." He winked making me giggle.

"How much for this one?" I asked looking up at him through slightly hooded eyes.

"Take it as a gift." William smiled before quickly eyeing me up. "What do you say about drinks later on?" I raised my eyebrows gaping softly.

"That would be nice." I smiled acting shy and looked to the bracelet again.

"Then let's meet here in four hours. I should be done by then." He smiled my way again and I noted giggling again.

"I'll see you then." I waved before hurrying off to find Jesper.

He was waiting around the corner hidden from William. He smirked giving me my coffee which I gladly accepted.

"So?" He asked starting to walk to the Club.

"I've got myself a bracelet." I laughed showing my wrist off. Jesper chuckled rolling his eyes.

"What about intel?" He pressed on and I shrugged.

"His name is William and he's going to take me out for drinks in four hours." I said carelessly and the boy gasped in shock.

"Just like that?" He sounded surprised and I shook my head lightly.

"Oh Jesper. All I had to do is bat my eyelashes and blush a bit for the man to think I was an innocent girl he can take advantage off. It works every time." I said stepping into the Club. Jesper led me to the booth were Kaz was looking over the tables.

"She's meeting one of them in four hours." He was the one to speak up and Kaz turned to look my way.

"Couldn't get any intel?" He asked with a sharp edge to his tone.

"Couldn't really go up to them and straight up ask." I snapped lightly before sipping the rest of my coffee.

"Make sure to get as much information as you can." Brekker said turning to the tables again.

"No worries, I'll get him tipsy and work my magic." I murmured eyeing the bar and I got up sighting. "Now excuse me gentlemen, but I can see we're short on staff."

"You finished your shift only five hours ago." Brekker squinted his eyes at me and I shrugged.

"Might as well get back to work for those few hours I'm free." I said before sliding behind the bar and helping with orders.

The few hours went by quickly with the amount of people at the bar. I had hands full of work, but when it was nearly my time I bid my goodbyes and ran to the Slat. I quickly picked up more girly clothes to play the part and left to find William.

He was standing near the place his stall used to be and he broke into a smile seeing me.

"Hi." I said softly and he grabbed my hand to kiss my knuckles.

"You look beautiful." He complimented making me blush lightly. "Shall we?" He linked our arms before leading me in the direction of a bar.

"Where are we going?" I asked curiously and William only smirked before asking me about myself. I told him bits and pieces and asked about his life too. He was answering quickly and perfectly, which made me realise he had a story made up already. It won't be as easy as I believed.

We took a table at one of the neutral bars and I let myself relax slightly. It was safe in places like this. William order a glass of wine for me and whiskey for himself.

"So tell me about your travels. You said you did it a lot." I put my hand under my chin and willed myself to look as innocent as possible. A girl stuck in a grime city of Ketterdam.

"I traveled the seas." He smiled going into a long story about his travels. Visiting each city and every shore and going as far as crossing the Fold twice. I played along acting like I was in awe. His stories were much to colorful to be true, but I didn't point it out.

"Why did you come back to such a dark place as this city then?" I asked feigning confusion which he laughed at. I could tell he was already drank slightly with the way he looked to my body more often and his smirk turned lazy.

"I've got a good deal going on." William whispered leaning over the table.

"Like with your selling business?" I asked innocently with slightly widened eyes.

"That's just some fun." He waved taking a huge gulp of whiskey. "The boys you've seen me with are helping me get even. A bad guy thought he could trick me and take my money. Now, I'm going to take what's mine and maybe a bit more." William put a strand of my hair behind my ear and I had to stop my shiver of disgust. "What do you say we get out of here, huh?"

"Yeah." I breathed out shakily and we left with William paying. He had his arm wrapped around my waist and he stumbled a bit, but I could tell he was strong enough to pin me down. Still, I played along laughing at his dirty jokes and blushing at his touch. Soon we came near a run down motel and he led me upstairs to his room.

I stopped near the doors while he walked in further.

"Come on. I don't bite." He smirked my way making me bit my lip and sit down on his sofa. He sat near me and handed me another glass of wine.

"I thought you had your own place?" I asked looking around the room.

"Used to. This way is cheaper and I can put my money in the other business." William shrugged drawing weird patterns on my clothed shoulder.

"Right, the one you mentioned." I nodded taking a sip of my wine, but I felt the wooden taste on my tongue. I acted like I swallowed the wine and went for another sip letting the wine from my mouth go back to the glass. I swallowed again and I could see William smirk in satisfaction.

"You know, I wanted some company for awhile now. And here you are, such a gentle girl." He moved closer to me and put my hair back to whisper in my ear. "I'll make you mine. And when I rule the Razorgulls you'll be showered in gold and silk." He kissed behind my ear and started to move down my neck. I acted dazed and put my hand behind his neck.

I ran my fingers over his spine and found the spot I loved to use. He was nearing my cleavage when I pushed down on the hollow place under his skull. In his lustful actions he didn't notice the pressure and soon I felt his body weight down on me. I huffed pushing him off. He was unconscious probably for only short period of time so I quickly looked around his room and read through few papers before slipping out of his room.

#fanfiction #writing #fanfic #kaz brekker x reader #six of crows #grishaverse #kaz brekker series #the story of two broken souls #requests are open

[sidhewrites]

Seventeen! I've got all these notes about how I want Mr. Ngo to be more involved, and that he deserves to also be a Graveyard Lesbian but I can't figure out exactly where he'd fit in so for now, he's a supporting character instead.

Fun fact number 2 this is going very different than intended, where MagnusRenfield was going to get major spooky powers that would allow him to open up a portal to the spirit world and suck the town into it.

I uh...don't think that's gonna happen anymore but we'll see how it goes.

Project Info

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

There's no such luck waiting for me. A light's on in the front office, with Mr. Ngo waiting for me.  Mr Ngo is waiting for me. I'm exhausted as it is, and I brace myself for a proper chewing out. "Good morning."

"Hiya boss. You're here early."

"Everything okay at home?"

"It, uh..." I rub my arms, feeling the gauze under my sweater's sleeves, and shrug. "It's been a time."

"It seems like it. Maybe you should take another day off. Come back when you're ready."

Something in his tone sets me on edge, heart leaping to my throat. "No -- no, it's fine. I'm fine, I can--"

"Kaz," he says. "I had a weird message on the answering machine yesterday. I'm very worried about you."

Oh no, I think, and try to smile. “What’s up?”

"Those nice people who filmed here the other day, they say you’re calling them and want them to come back."

"I..."

"Kaz, that's very unlike you. What's going on? Do you know how unprofessional that is? "

I know. I know it is. But I don’t know how to sit down and explain to him that not only are ghosts apparently real, but that Mick and Lourdes accidentally summoned an evil one and it’s now possessing my ex girlfriends cat except they thought they were talking to my new kind of girlfriend, who, it turns out, is also a ghost and I’m somehow a medium caught up in the middle of this. “I can explain,” I lie. I have no idea how to explain any of it.

"Kaz."

"Mr. Ngo, listen... things -- it's..." I falter.

He sighs, and puts a hand on my shoulder. "Go get some rest, Kaz. You look like you haven't slept in days. I can handle the graveyard until you're feeling better."

"No -- no, Mr. Ngo, please. I'm fine, really -- I...It won't happen again, I promise. It--"

"Kaz." He looks almost sad. "Get some rest. You've been working very hard lately. I think it would be good to spend less time among the dead, and a bit more among the living for a few days."

I want to argue. I want to beg forgiveness. I want to fall to the ground and tell him everything, if only so he'd stop looking at me like that. But I don't.  I do as I'm told. I apologize one more time, and then I go home, dragging my sorry ass back to the apartment, and fall right back into bed to sleep as long as I possibly could. Somehow, I sleep through the day again -- the week of all-nighters finally catching up to me, and only stir hours later, when the familiar sound of kitty feet patter across the floor.

Renfield doesn't get the zoomies often anymore, but it happens occasionally. I'll wake up in the middle of the night, waddling around like a wild animal, traveling at the speed of slow. He takes his little ramp up to the bed, pounces on my foot, and meeps for attention. Just like always, I roll over and mumble out a little, "Go to sleep, little boy."

Renfield pads across the bed again, leaps down to the ground, and waddles out, then back in and up onto the bed once more to tap my face.

"C'mon, baby," I mumble, still half asleep as he trots around the apartment. "I'll get you breakfast in an hour."

"It's not breakfast I'm looking for."

Suddenly I'm wide awake. Renfield sits there, fur almost glowing in the light that shines in from the street outside, eyes glowing yellow. "Good morning, dear Kaz. It's been far too long."

"Jesus fuck!" I bolt up, nearly falling off the bed. He doesn't move, just watching me scrabble uselessly for a second before I find purchase and leap to my feet.

"Are you done?"

"What the fuck!" I shout.

Magnus sighs. "Let me know when you're done with the hysterics. I have a proposal."

"Leave my cat alone."

"That's part of the plan."

"What? Wait -- but--"

"How am I here? Please." He makes a show of licking his paw, letting me get a good look at the dried blood around his mouth.

"Did you...You didn't..."

"I'm an expedient man, Kaz. I had to get out the door somehow."

[Something.]

"Here's the deal, dearest Kaz. There's something interesting going on lately. The moon's getting full, and I'm pleased to find out what day it is. In a few days, it'll be Hallow's eve, and I have a few suspicions. I don't need much from you, of course. Just get me outside, into the crowds. I'll take care of the rest."

But before he can say more, his strength wanes. Renfield's pupils dilate once more, and he returns to himself. He's confused again, not sure how he got there.

I pick up my phone right away and call Josie. "I think we're running out of time."

Tag List

@adaughterofathena

@ambreeskyewriting

@carnelianflames

@feather-dancer

@halfbloodlycan

@nadunacreates

@serenanymph

@vigilantdesert

#writeblr #writing #writers #writers on tumblr #spilled ink #graveyard lesbians #mystuff #mywriting #my writing #nano #nano 2023 #nanowrimo #supernatural romance #supernatural fiction #original fiction #original fic

[justanotherfanaccount]

shadow and bone s2e6 reaction

damn baghra just calling out malina's problems

YES NIKOLAI EQUALS FIRST AND SECOND ARMY

God damn...Kaz's dream jordie is so painful

OMG THE BUTTERFLY!!

wylan is so cute omg 🥺 the way he knows exactly what the butterfly and flower is

"they need each other to survive 🥺 its like a little love story of sorts" don't mind me crying

JESPERS MOM AHHHHHH 😭😭😭

does baghra know/suspect about mal?

oh here comes the baghra backstory!!

HOLY SHIT DARKLING what was that about!?

oh nooo 😭 tolyas worst nightmare is losing Tamar 🥺

I love the way they did jespers backstory 🥺 its so well done and we get to meet his mom and learn she was grisha "hiding who you are won't save you" 😭

"only a morazova can open it" 👀 I guarantee we see mal open something

this is more similar to book mal

inej's dream 🥺 it's so sad because in this moment she thinks it's something she'll never truly have

NOT THE I WANT YOU KINE BEING A DREAM 😭😭

her knowing it's not real and waking herself up because she knows kaz wouldn't do that is heartbreak in itself

THE POOR BUTTERFLIES (but I love how smart my wylan is 🥰)

inej literally saving kaz's life but asking for forgiveness because she touch him 😭 I'm so emotional right now

baghra is so done with mal not realizing he's the firebird

also why is everyone so for mal dying when alina could literally just grab his wrist like she has previously? 🧐

(I really have problems because the darkling just came in and is probably attempting to kill alina and I thought it was hot...God help me)

BEFORE ANYTHING HAPPENS I PAUSED AND I HOPE JESPER HAS TO USE HIS DURAST ABILITIES AGAINST THIS LADY SINCE HE JUST HAS HIS HEART TO HEART ABOUT NOT HIDING HIMSELF

this bitch really just started choking jesper cuz he was annoying

this is a really good darklina fight scene though like you can really see his crazy

YES JESPER

YES WYLAN

YES ZOYA AND NINA

is this girl a heart render and a durast?Durant??

...nevermind

she's a mother fucking bloodbender

sorry for that brief atla interruption...now back to your previously scheduled program

"I will strip away all that you know, all that you love, until you have no shelter...but me" chills bro

baghra sacrificing herself 🥺

the darkling human moment 😭

...I had to

hearing sankta neyur talk about her long life and losing her family while the darkling is sobbing about his mother 😭

"He's not my weakness...he's my universe" DONT MIND ME SOBBING

👀👀 just jesper?

I'm so proud of jesper wanting to learn to be a durast 🥺

STOP WHEN WYLAN TRIES TO HIDE THAT HES SMILING HE IT SO CUTE I CANNOT HANDLE IT

"everyone's lost their mind" right when he walks past wesper 🤭🤭 this is so funny

"there are those who drown us...and those who pull us up" 🥺

NOT KAZ FINALLY THINKING ABOUT OPENING UP TO INEJ FIGHT WHEN INEJ HAS GIVEN UP OMG PAIN

I don't understand why he needs to DIE and can't just be there with her while destroying the fold

annnnddd malina sex scene...they totally should've had her shining or something when he grabbed her hand

OH NOOOO NOW THE DARKLING KNOWS ABOUT MAL

#this episode was so good #honestly might be my favorite so far #...episode 4 was good though too #AGJJFJFF THEYRE ALL SO GOOD #i need a six of crows spinoff #shadow and bone #sab #sab spoilers #six of crows #soc #shadow and bone s2e6 #sab s2e6 #justanothersbreaction

[j-graysonlibrary]

The Xiang Chronicles: Book Three Chapter 5

Title: The Xiang Chronicles: Book Three

Author: Jay Grayson

Word Count: 107k

Genres: Fantasy, adventure, drama, LGBT+

Available on: my website

Synopsis: Only one Xiang remains and her name is Merra. She hopes to unite the land by force and plow down anyone in her way—especially the people of Agni who she deems faithless and the native people of Terra who refuse to cooperate with her.

Raine continues to serve his Lord but he has taken to alcoholism to soothe his grief—a fact he keeps out of his letters with Heidi. Baiya has returned to mercenary work in order to keep his family safe while Kira is on the warpath. He, fully, takes on the title of Chaaya and means to defeat the Xiang he sees as false.

And, in a guarded castle in Enlil, a stir-crazy Princess dabbles in the dark arts, setting in motion something even Tiandi cannot see.

Full chapter 5 under the cut

Chapter V:

The sun struggled in rising. Just when the sky would start to brighten, it would grow dark again and Pangu would feel his hopes crash. A few birds started to wake and the sound of waves, which had been a constant through the night, seemed to grow louder now. A distant bell from a ship rang and that seemed to serve as Kaz’s waking.

“Fuck, it’s late,” the man cursed as he hurried to dress himself again.

It seemed quite early to Pangu still but he did not know his schedule either. He stayed quiet and on the floor, not wanting to risk accidently seeing the man in his undergarments again. Once, he was sure could be counted as an accident but twice and he knew Kaz would not forgive him.

The clinking of his armor grew closer as well as the thudding of his feet against the floor. Then a kick to Pangu’s side flipped him onto his back. It was not a particularly strong kick and it did not hurt but it was forceful enough to have moved him and drawn an “umph” from his throat.

“Wake up. I am sure May will be in here soon.” Kaz walked away. “I will be back later. Do not touch anything.”

Pangu sat up and rubbed his eyes despite not getting any sleep. He heard Kaz leave the room and he let out a sigh in his absence.

There was nothing to do, especially since he was not allowed to look at anything in the man’s room, so he paced about until he had company again.

Like Kaz had said, May came in after a few moments. She was in a brand new robe and smelled strongly of floral oils so Pangu guessed she had taken a bath. Her hair was pulled back more on the left side and a few braids hung down and draped over her shoulder.

“Good morning, Pangu,” she greeted with a wide, toothy grin. “I see you are still in one piece and not…smelling.”

Just as he had the night before, he smelled himself which got a big laugh from the princess.

“It is a good thing!” May clapped her hands together. “You are the fine specimen Parvati promised. I just need you to start remembering how to use your abilities.”

“I have not tried,” Pangu admitted.

He quickly realized that she and Kaz must not have spoken before she came over because her eyebrows flew up her face and her jaw hung.

“You can talk!”

“Oh…yeah.” He felt his cheeks get hot and he rubbed the back of his neck. “I am getting better.”

“Well, take that energy and focus it on shooting fire from your hands and whipping things about in the air!” May grasped his hand and squeezed. “Then, you can scare my parents into listening to me. Finally.”

“You just…want to scare them?” Pangu parsed out his thoughts carefully.

“Yep.” She grinned and moved their hands up and down. “Scare them. Maim them. Threaten them with their lives. Whatever makes them stop and do what I say, really.”

“What if they do not listen no matter what?”

May’s elated expression turned dark in an instant. As if a candle was suddenly blown out, she became cold and distant. She even dropped her hold on him and backed away. “Why would you suggest that? Did Kaz say they would not listen? Where did you get such an idea from?!”

Pangu stuttered. “I…I was just curious.”

She threw her head back and let out a long, heavy sigh before collapsing on the nearby sofa. She threw her arms out over her head and let one of her legs dangle toward the ground. “If they do not cooperate then we will kill them. Easy.”

That did not sound easy at all. Or practical.

But Pangu hesitated to speak his mind. He fidgeted with his hands and briefly looked over at her. “What…what happens after that…?”

“I have plans,” May responded, defiant. She sat up in a hurry and shook her head, loosening some of her hair. “Do not worry about my plans. You just need to do what I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you.”

He nodded, not wanting to upset her further.

It appeared as though he had no reason to really worry, however, since she stood from the sofa and straightened out her clothes with a growing smile. She let out a sigh that sounded less exhausted and more relieved.

“That settles that,” she said and walked closer to Pangu. “Now, you should really remember some stuff. Parvati, can you come out? Helloooo?”

Her eyes darted all about, to every corner of the room until a form appeared, finally. It was similar to how Pangu had seen her leave them before but it was truly striking to watch her suddenly arrive from the smallest of shadows.

“Yes, my lady?” Parvati answered her with a smile. She kept her hands clasped in front of her, ready to bow at a moment’s notice.

“I have business to attend to today, can you watch Pangu and try to get him to remember how to use his powers? I would like to have things neatly tied up before too much longer.”

Pangu noticed a slight twitch in Parvati’s eye but she did not drop her smile. “Of course. I will be with him every spare moment I can.”

May clapped and then headed back for the door. “I look forward to it!”

Pangu watched her skip out of the room, at least in a better mood than she had been a few moments prior. He did not know how to speak to her or even look at her, to be honest. Then again, he had no idea how to address or talk to Kaz either.

The sound of his name brought his focus over to Parvati. “Pangu,” she said in a flat but quiet voice. “How are you feeling?”

He definitely noticed a difference in the way she looked at him as opposed to how she looked at everyone else—he just was not sure if he could say whether that was a good thing or not. Not yet.

“Um…I can speak now but I still do not remember anything.”

A much wider smile spread across her lips. “It is a relief to hear you speak. And a good sign.”

“Will I be able to remember?” Pangu was not as impatient as May but he did feel a jittery sensation in his stomach each time he thought of his memories.

Of course, he wanted to remember who he was, other than what he knew so far—being the Xiang at some point—such as what he had done to, apparently, earn Tiandi’s ire as well as the people he had known. He wanted to know why that list of names Parvati listed to him last night made his heart clench so tightly. He wanted to know what kind of person he had been, not just what he was supposed to have done.

On the other hand, he knew he had been killed and the idea of remembering that was daunting. Would he also remember the pain? And, besides that, what if there were other details he would wind up regretting to remember? Things that were better left forgotten?

It was a complicated feeling—one he could not describe if asked.

Parvati brushed some of her hair aside and took a deep breath. “I certainly hope so. You were separate from your body for a year. It could take some time before things settle into place…I only fear it will take too long for our dear princess.”

“We should focus on my abilities first then,” he pointed out the obvious.

She nodded but she did not seem happy about it. “I am not sure how much I can help you there. Your energy may not be…compatible…with mine but I will do what I can.”

Pangu found himself frowning. “Is it because you are Sha-Parvati? A mistress of shadow?”

“So you remember things like that.” She rubbed down her chin and into her beard. “At least we do not have to review the basics.”

“It seems the princess and her guards do not know,” Pangu pointed out. Not only did they refer to her, solely, as Parvati, but none of them had mentioned the words mistress or shadow even once and especially not in tandem.

“They do…in a way. I do not think they fully understand, however.” Sha-Parvati chuckled under her breath. “May sees me as a witch of some sort, I think.”

Even some highly religious people did not know much about the mistresses of shadow. A few sects of Tiandi worship even forbade the teaching of anything about Shakti for a time. It was more likely that scholars of the Xiang, rather than regular Tiandi worshipers, would know the mistresses and their names.

Pangu shook his head and then held out his hands. “Anyway, my energy will not hurt you, will it?”

He knew the opposite was true—that Sha-Parvati’s energy, assuming it was pure miasma, would harm him. It was the reason the spirits had closed themselves into the spirit world.

“I should hope not,” she mentioned as she set her hands over his.

Their palms touched and, immediately, there was a tingling sensation. Pangu closed his eyes and braced for pinching or stinging but it never came. There was just a warm, dense pressure that pushed into his palms and reverberated through his being. He could almost trace it as it passed through all of the larger energy reserves in his body.

“You do not feel blocked…practice should be feasible.” Sha-Parvati pulled her hands away. “I am a poor substitute for your old teachers but I will do my best.”

Pangu had renewed faith that everything would work out just fine yet, after hours of sitting on the floor and attempting to lift a feather with his energy, that faith had seen only a few twitches and one updraft. And he was still not convinced that those instances had not been just a strong gust of wind coming from the window.

They tried fire as well and, a couple of times, little sparks came to his fingertips but nothing ever fully ignited. The energy was there but the manifestation was just not occurring.

Along with being incredibly frustrating, Pangu was worried about May’s response.

Sha-Parvati assured him not to concern himself with the princess and that, if she threw a fit over it, then she would take care of it.

By the time she left, Pangu was exhausted in every facet. He was still tired from the night before and he had exuded more energy than he probably should have during “training”. His mind was aching from the blank spaces he wanted so badly to fill and his heart tugged ever downward.

It felt like too much and, also, not enough. So, when the door opened again, he tensed.

“Do not forget about that report, Fi,” Kaz’s voice called out as he entered the doorway, faced backward. His hands clutched either side of the frame as he kept his head out, presumably speaking to someone in the hall. “I do not care how long it is—I will be checking it in the morning. …No, you will not. …If you come any closer, I will spear you through the throat.”

He pushed back into the room and shut the door with a loud bang. Then he locked it up tight and turned around, eyes meeting Pangu instantly.

“You did not touch anything, did you?”

Pangu shook his head. “No.”

Kaz sighed and rubbed his forehead. “Good…good.” His throat bobbed and he muttered something under his breath that Pangu could not hear.

“Um…” he approached the subject nervously. “How was your day?”

“How was my day?” Kaz repeated and stared at the ceiling. “Well, May threw a tantrum and broke an entire shelf of ancestral dishes so we had to deal with her parents and now there is a mountain of paperwork to fill out. Just because she is the princess, she thinks everything in this castle belongs to her. I cannot wait until she is free of this place—for both of our sakes.”

She must have had another mood swing after she left, Pangu figured. “Sorry.” It was all he could think to say.

“It is normal.” After a moment, he finally moved away from the door and sighed. “I will take a bath. Stay out here.”

Pangu waited until he was gone to walk around. He was uncomfortable being beside the door, even if it was locked, since he expected May to come barging in at any moment. The imagery was so vivid in his mind that he had to leave. So, he moved into the bedroom and just stood there, remembering what all he was not allowed to put his dead hands on. Pretty much everything but especially the bed.

When Kaz returned, he was in a casual, pale blue robe with towel tossed hair. He frowned when he noticed where Pangu was but, to his surprise, a scolding was not the first thing out of his mouth.

“You look exhausted. You are not decomposing, are you?”

“No?” Pangu frowned as well. “I did not sleep last night.”

He was met with a raised brow. “Why not?”

It was difficult to explain or, more accurately, Pangu worried he would sound ridiculous if he was honest. Yet, he did not have any good lie at the ready. Nothing he thought of made sense either. So he was left with the truth.

“I…” he started and then stopped immediately, looking down at his feet. “I am afraid that if I go to sleep, I will not wake up.”

Silence. Kaz said nothing and just stared for too long. It was a good thing Pangu was already looking away because he could feel the stare and he knew it was too intense to meet head on.

“You are afraid of dying?” Finally, Kaz spoke.

“Yes…I suppose.” Still, he did not lift his eyes.

“…You really are alive…?” Another silence. “Fuck.”

That made Pangu brave a glance. Kaz was no longer staring at him but was pinching the bridge of his nose. Pangu cocked his head to the side, confused. “What?”

“Just…get in the bed. Sleep.” Kaz seemed pained to say it and that made Pangu hesitate. But, when he did not move, the man became more insistent. “Please just get in the bed.”

“B-but you do not want anything dead—”

“Shut it,” he snapped and looked away entirely. “Take the very edge then and stay turned away from me. Just get some sleep, shit.”

Pangu did not know what happened to change his mind but he also did not want to keep getting yelled at so he just did what he was told. The bed was soft and the feel of it under him was almost enough to carry him off to sleep immediately but his worried mind still got in the way. That and the feel of Kaz climbing into bed on the other side.

It was certainly wide enough to where there was no chance of them touching unless they either planned it or one of them was a wild sleeper. Pangu had a deep knowing that he was not the second option so he kept on the side and took up as little space as possible.

His eyes closed but his heart continued to thump, extra adrenaline from the strange exchange and the lingering fear of dying powering him. He tried to calm his breaths but his efforts were fruitless. His body continued to tremble, slightly, and he could not relax for anything.

Then, a hand fell on his arm. Before Pangu could ask, the fingers groped onto a stretch of skin and then pinched. Hard.

“Ow!” He swatted the hand away on reflex and then slapped his other hand onto his arm to cover the wounded area.

“If you feel pain, then you are alive, right?” Kaz said, glaring over at him. “You will not die so easily during the night. Even if you sleep. If that were a possibility, Parvati would have told us. So stop worrying and just sleep.”

His words were short and biting but Pangu did not feel as though he were in trouble like he had earlier. Strangely, he started to smile and his heart no longer thumped wildly with anxiety.

“O…okay,” he muttered quietly and relaxed his shoulders.

Before he knew it, darkness was around him but it was not nearly as scary as he had feared. 

#the xiang chronicles #my novel #my writing

[speechlessani]

“I promise that whenever Daddy comes that I’ll wake you up immediately,” I hum, carrying him to bed.

When all five of my little ones are blessedly sleeping at one time, I set up my comm and call Kaz on the balcony.

Kaz opens his eyes and raises a brow at his comm on the edge of the tub, studying the name that pops up. “Oh!”

He dries his hands and answers, setting it back up on the side. “Hello, my dear friend. Forgive me for my lack of clothes. This is the first bath I’ve actually been able to sit in for years. I promise to stay covered by bubbles,” he hums.

[ner-runi-cuyir-gar]

His breath hitches quietly and he stares up at the ceiling for several minutes even after you and Anakin fall asleep, contemplating all the feelings he's had today and what it means... moving forward.

Forward. Moving on. He's been stuck for so long. Everyone's worried about him, even if they don't say it- it's etched on their faces anyway.

He closes his eyes slowly and takes a deep breath, saying his nightly farewell to Celiri.

I must rest now, darling. Give Ana a hug and kiss for me, wherever she may be. I... I want you to know I'll always love you. You were my first love, quite possibly the love of my life. I believe people can have many loves like that. And I'm not- it's not like that with these two yet. And I may just be getting hopeful. But... I have to start moving on, cyare, his voice breaks even in his head, I have to keep moving because if I don't I'm going to drown. Very soon. I- I hope you can forgive me. I love you so very much. Rest easy.

He lets himself relax further and further, until his head falls to the side and he actually slips into a deep sleep- just as Anakin predicted, a deeper sleep than he's gotten in a long time.

Anakin and I get up early to tend to the animals and I even see him off to work before Kaz wakes up.

Around 7:30, I decide I don’t want him to be late for patrol and gently shake his arm, “Kaz? Time to get up. There’s breakfast.”

[dollwritesarchive]

soc hc request — how'd they react to you being under the weather? 🥺

since i’m feeling very not goodly today, it’s the perfect time to write this request! ❤️

fandom shadow and bone / masterlist coming soon / library blog: @dollsgrisha-library

featuring kaz brekker x reader, inej ghafa x reader, jesper fahey x reader, nina zenik x reader, matthias helvar x reader, wylan van eck x reader

rating none of my work is meant to be viewed by minors (anyone under the age of eighteen), and i will happily block any that interact with my posts or my blog.

content warning mentions of illness, reader is as gn as i could, but i usually write with fem!readers in mind.

word count n.a / headcanons & concepts

attention do not repost or translate, even with ‘credit’. just don’t do it. reblog instead of like. leave feedback if you enjoyed.

when you’re sick, you sometimes wonder who suffers more— you or Kaz.

he has an extremely hard time dealing with your sickness, especially if you’re bedridden.

Kaz becomes a walking nightmare, not only to the other Crows, but to anyone who gets in his way, when you’re ill. he’s on a razor’s edge, angry all the time, looking for any chance given to hit something or get hit himself. it’s his way of coping.

he most likely will only come to see you once or twice, usually late at night, in hopes that you’re already sleeping so you won’t see how distressed he is.

it hurts him to look at you, so forgive him for keeping his eyes averted while he’s there, standing across the room, and staying relatively quiet. even if you talk to him, there’s a chance he’ll only answer in grunts or nods.

guilt eats away at him, an irrational guilt that tells him he should be able to fix you, but he can’t.

to keep from worrying, Kaz will try to focus on whatever current job he has in the works.

to anyone else, it seems as though you’re the last thing on his mind, but he shifts his focus to keep from going mad with silent worry.

he will look up from a sea of plans and papers on his desk when either Jesper or Inej return from visiting you. he doesn’t have to ask how you are, they’ll offer as much information about your healing progress as possible.

he’s incredibly impatient over your recovery, claiming that he needs you to get better because they can’t do the job without you, when in reality he’s the one that needs you to get better. he needs to know that you’re okay. 

Jesper becomes even more annoying (affectionate) when you’re sick.

he will spend every waking moment by your side, and he will not shut up.

when you’re resting, he will try his very best not to wake you. however, there’s a good chance you won’t get much sleep while he’s around.

since Jesper is already restless, confining himself to one room with you is enough to have him feeling a bit trapped, so his anxiety will spike. he’ll ask if you need or want anything (which he will promptly fetch if the answer is yes).

he can’t sit still for very long, so he’ll pace around the room, fiddle with things, hold his hands on his revolvers, kick his boots against the floor, anything he can do to keep his body busy.

Jesper will tell you stories about growing up on a farm (while simultaneously making the dumbest jokes you’ve ever heard about himself), describe to you what a Novyi Zem sunset looks like, and make lots of promises to show you once you’ve healed.

“When you’re feeling better, I’ll take you there, and you and me can watch the sunset in person. You’ll love it.”

he’ll even teach you some Zemeni words and phrases, just to take your mind off of being sick.

he won’t want to pull off any jobs while you’re bedridden, but if Kaz demands it, he won’t have much of a choice.

“I promise I’ll come back as soon as I can, okay? Stay here and rest, and for saints’ sake, don’t you dare get any prettier while I’m gone. My poor heart won’t be able to take it!”

Inej is a quiet and constant presence when you’re sick, never leaving you to be by yourself.

she’s probably the easiest out of all of the Crows to be around if you’re not feeling well.

she won’t talk your ear off, but she is worried.

climbing in through your window after dark, she’ll bring medicine and any sweets she knows to be your favorites.

after she’s ensured you’ve been properly medicated, she’ll perch on the edge of the bed and eat with you, rolling her eyes when you ask after the current job.

“Always concerned about the job,” she purrs, a hand reaching to hold yours, “when everyone else is worried about you. Even Kaz. Focus on getting better.”

you would pout and grumble something about Brekker finding someone else with your particular talents, and her dark eyes would cut to you like the sharpened knives strapped to her.

“He wouldn’t dare.” she assures, voice pulled tight like violin strings. “If you go, I go. He knows this.” before her expression would soften, and her hand would caress your feverish cheek. “Not another word about Kaz or the job, rest. Please.”

you’re never seen your beefy Fjerdan so submissive, until you got sick for the first time.

he’s the first one to notice you’re not yourself, even if you try to hide it, and he very abruptly demands you rest.

easily the only one to butt head with Kaz over job importance, claiming that your recovery is worth more than all of the money in the world.

he refuses to resume the job until you’re well enough to do your part, which infuriates Kaz, but he doesn’t care.

Matthias spends all of his time at the foot of your bed, keeping a close eye on you, occasionally bringing a basin of warm water to soak and rub your feet.

“I like you this way,” you tease, weakly, “big and strong and yet, you’re giving me puppy dog eyes and rubbing my feet.”

“I am not giving you puppy dog eyes.” he protests, a bit embarrassed, but his azure gaze has a concerned twinkle.

“You are! Big, cute, puppy dog eyes. Look at me like that more often, it makes me want to do unspeakable things to you and that beautiful face, Fjerdan.”

“Djel have mercy,” he scoffs, turning a lovely crimson in the cheeks and averting his gaze, “you’re ill, can you at least act like it? You shouldn’t say such vulgar things when I… can’t make good on them yet…” but you can see the tickle of a smile on his lips, which causes one to creep up on your own.

being sick around Nina has made you loathe the taste of waffles, by how many she’s tried to force down your throat.

“The sooner your appetite returns to normal, the sooner I stop force feeding you.” Nina would pout, seated beside you on the bed on her knees, with a plate full of all her favorite sweets. “And the sooner my sweets stash becomes mine alone again.”

“Nina, are you sure chocolate is the best thing for me to have right now?”

she would be offended by the words alone, puckering her lips, “Chocolate is always the answer, and I made these chocolate chip waffles very special for you. So eat, or I’ll pinch your cute, little nose until you have to open your mouth and I’ll shove them down your throat.”

the worst part is that you know that she would.

she spends a lot of her free time making you as comfortable as possible, keeping your body cool and battling the fever, her soft hands are always on you. soothing you.

but her mouth is running constantly, complaining about how badly she needs you to be better.

“I miss having you beside me at the table with the lot of them,” she grumbles, running soothing circles over your sweat sheened, clammy cheeks, “and I miss being able to kiss you whenever I’d like. So, you’d better recover soon, because I can’t wait to devour you again.”

“Nina!” you laugh, hoarsely, your heart rate picking up. she was always so good at making you blush, causing your heart to fire rapidly like an engine, and she can feel it.

“Good to feel your strength returning.” she coos as you pull her on to your lap, both hands gripping the expanse of her bum.

you have to take care of Wylan when you’re sick, not the other way around.

he absolutely refuses to leave you.

keeping a close eye on your fever, and making sure you’re staying as hydrated and full of food as your feeble stomach will allow.

“Eat some more, if you can.” he urges, holding out another ladle full of steaming broth.

curling up with his head on your chest so he can hear the raspy, shallow breaths and the faint beating of your heart.

you run your fingers through ginger locks tentatively, whispering fondly, “Are you sure you should be so close? What if I’m contagious, baby?”

Wylan would pout, furrowing his brows, “Well, then I guess I’m getting sick, too. I don’t want be separated from you a single inch until I can tell you’re getting better. I—“ tears may even prick his big eyes when he whimpers, “I don’t want to lose you.”

“Lose me?” you ask, incredulously, “Like this? I don’t think so, Van Eck.” you scoff, and pinch his cheek, “Gonna take a lot more than a fever to take me away from you. You know that, right?”

he would look up for you, somewhat unconvinced, but nod. so you’d make him repeat that you’re going to be fine over and over, until he believed it.

#kaz brekker #kaz #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker imagine #jesper fahey #jesper #jesper x reader #jesper x you #jesper fahey x reader #jesper fahey x you #inej #inej ghafa #inej x reader #inej x you #inej ghafa x reader #inej ghafa x you #matthias helvar #Matthias helvar x reader #matthias helvar x you #nina zenik #Nina zenik x reader #Nina zenik x you #wylan van eck #wylan hendriks #wylan x reader #wylan x you

[vitchimage]

Can I get a crows x mute! reader. She basically is Kaz's sister and she makes a mistake and Kaz yells at her. During night she runs away and it's raining a lot and Kaz can't find her. He finds her unconcious on the ground with blood and bruises and takes her home. When she wakes up and is healed Kaz apologizes and they have a heart to heart where he says he didn't want her to end up like Jordie :). TYSM!! Please tell me if you will write it!

AAA yes! THIS IS JUST PURE LOVELY LIKE LFJLDKF Very sorry for the long wait! Thank you for being petient, I hope you like it!

--

!TW: Violence, blood, angst (with comfort), Kaz being mean :(

--

Note: I don't have any I think other than as always, please forgive me if there are any grammar mistakes :')

--

𝑻𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖, 𝒎𝒚 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒐𝒖𝒔 𝒔𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓

-

“You’re always so reckless!” how did it come to screaming and shouting in the office? Things were thrown everywhere in frustration and anger, bitter feelings and the tense air lingered. 

“You don’t need to yell, Kaz,” Her fingers smoothly conveyed the message. 

At least his sister was calmer, yet one could feel her frustration too. 

“Well maybe I need to, so you can get through that thick skull of yours!” Kaz rummaged through the messy desk filled with papers, “If it weren’t for you, maybe the plan would have succeeded, but no you just have to go on your merry way out of the plan!”

“I saved you!, had I gone along with the plan you would’ve been dead meat!” She huffed, fingers jerkily moving to convey her frustrations. She tried her best to say strong no matter what insults were thrown in her way by her dearest brother, but she would soon be at her limit.

“Did I ask you to save me?! No! I could have handled that on my own, you’re just so impulsive, too reckless, too…!” He didn’t seem to find the words, yet he continued,

“Maybe you’re not fit for this, maybe you shouldn’t be here!” He threw the lamp by his desk at the wall, the shattering sound followed through, “You don’t belong here!”

“GET OUT!”

It grew quiet after that, no more words were spoken. Silence used to be peaceful for them, whether it would be through comfort, work, or anything, was now tense and bitter.

Kaz turned his head to look at his sister. Her face had cast down, her expression was unreadable. But her bright E/C eyes no longer shined, they were dark, shunned from the light – it was dull.

Regret hit Kaz in an instant, and guilt followed when her sister moved her fingers, slow, calm like life had been drained out of her. Yet he could still feel the pain of the words that were thrown at her.

“Ok,” was all that said, and that was all she could muster as she already tried her best to not let the tears slip. It was all she could muster as right after that she walked off, having no energy to stomp off – leaving Kaz to drown in his guilt with nothing to blame but himself.

–

Hours had passed and everyone was downstairs, Jesper was gambling while Wylan sat and drew, and Nina was eating waffles alongside Matthias who was drinking a beer. Inej was most likely feeding the crows again. Kaz continued to scan the room, but no matter how many times he looked, he scanned, he couldn’t spot his sister.

‘Where is she?’ Kaz ran his hand through his brown locks as he grew more and more restless and more and more worried. 

The words that had left his lips, so bitter, so hurtful with the consequences of guilt, echoed in his mind. Maybe it was the same with her?

And Kaz couldn’t get all the ‘what if’ thoughts out of his mind either, 

What if she really did leave? What if she had heeded his bitter words, words of unspoken lies, and left? What if..what if..

The corridors was quiet compared downstairs, and every step he took a dread fell over him. The creaks of his footsteps echoed just as much as the muddled thoughts in his mind. 

Kaz sighs, running a hand through his hair again. ‘Maybe she is in her room? Yeah, maybe she is..’ Kaz turns his heels and heads upstairs to the rooms of the slat.

-

He stops when he reach his destination, and with hesitant, he knocks on her door.

Seconds past as he thought how to best way apologize. Say that he didn’t mean any of he words he said and leave it at that? or really explain his turest feelings behind those bittersome words? But Kaz was never one to be open about his turest feelings either, what if he said something wrong again?

He knocks when he made up his mind, calling her name softly and gently.

“Y/N?”

But no answer came, no indication that someone was there.

“Y/N it’s me Kaz, we need to talk,” he looked at his cane, “Please open up..” He felt restless as each seconds passed.

He decided for the best to open the door. But he was greeted with an emoty room, his heart dropping. Things were scattered as if someone had been packing rapidly, the window which was open had indicated that the person had most likely left through that. 

“Y/N?!” He looks around, limping. But there wa sno sign of her. 

“FUCK!” he curses, and hurries out of the door almost falling down the stairs as makes an hasty exit.

“Kaz?” Inej calls from behind, but he ignores it heading out of the slat. He ignores the concerned stares from the members of the crows, finding his sister was the only thing on his mind right now.

–

The night had taken its place along with the heavy rain that poured down on him.

His throat sore from screaming and shouting after his sister, but no matter where he looked he couldn’t find her, no matter how many seconds, minutes, maybe even hours had passed, there was no sign of her. 

Her body slumped to the ground, unmoving, blood painting by the puddle beside her. 

He grew more restless, his moves was more jerky, more hasty. Ketterdam, was afterall, not the safest place at night, especially when he had enemies on his back, watching his every move, every being. And deep down he knew that they had figured out his weak spot long ago, and that fact did not help to ease his mind.

Nothing eased his mind even when he found her.

His breathing hitched, and all he could see was Jordie’s corpse, all he could be reminded of was Jordie’s death. Body moving on it’s own, his cries towards her, as falls to his knees beside her, turning her around, cursing at his own reaction to touch.

Her body was decorated with bruises, cuts, wounds. 

‘Pulse..check for pulse..’ he tried his best to calm down as his hands quickly went to look for pulse, But the relief of a weak pulse did not help him to ease his mind one bit.  

He takes her bag over his back as he lifts her up, making his hasty way back to the slat.

It had been awhile since Kaz couldn’t find the difference between tears and the rain.

–

Y/N flutters her eyes open, finding herself back in her room. ‘What..’ 

Memories of dime lions beating her flashed her mind.

‘I’m alive..’ She casts her eyes to the side, and there was Kaz. He was sitting beside her bed, asleep. He seemed like a mess, hair messy, heavy bags under his eyes.

‘Kaz..he must have been..’ She reaches a hand to stroke his hair, but noticing her movement he woke up.

“You’re awake..” His voice was quiet and meek.

“How long was I out?” 

“Few days..” 

There was silence after that for a moment, nobody moved nor said anything.

“I’m sorry..” He finally spoke up, Kaz looked like he was about to break.

“I’m so sorry..” he repeated, holding her hand so gently. Y/N widened her eyes.

“I shouldn’t have said that, I shouldn’t have…I didn’t mean it..not a word I said that day meant anything..”

‘Is he crying?’ Y/N held his hand back, making him look at her.

Indeed he was, tears staining his cheek. 

When was the last time she had seen him so vulnerable?

“I just didn’t want you to loose you, not like that.”

‘He must be talking about when we both fell out of the boat due to enemy attack..’

Her heart tightens.

“I…can’t loose someone again..not like that..”

She knew, she knew what he meant. 

Loosing their brother due to sickness and having to use his corpse as a floating device, as a meaning of survival, they both were drowning in their mourns and sorrows.

Her throat tightened, at the memory.

“You won’t loose me, I’m not planning on leaving anytime soon, ” She mouthed to him.

His eyes sparkled in reassurrence, in comfort. 

“I’m sorry…” He said again, “I’m sorry..” He hugged her. It was her first time in awhile he did that, due to his phobia with touch ever since that incident.

“You may never forgive me, you may insult me, hurt me, hate me. But no matter what, I’ll always love you, Always be here for you..know that you will always be the one who is the most precious to me.”

She hugged him back, tears threathening to stain her cheek.

“I love you sister, ” 

“And matter what, I’ll protect you and be here for you like you do for me, never forget that.”

As the night passed, nobody had heard a word from the Dime Lions the next night.

--

m.list

#kaz brekker x reader #x reader #fluff #kaz brekker x y/n #six of crows #crooked kingdom #kaz brekker #soc #angst #platonic

[yesimwriting]

The Promise of Rain

A/n finally writing that Kaz Brekker x reader angsty-fluff where the reader is all sunshine-y and Kaz is dramatic as always lol 

Might make this a blurb series bc i like this dynamic so much lol

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x sunshine-y reader 

Summary: After a mission gone wrong, Kaz has a conversation with the reader (who’s a runaway princess) about what happens to people who stay near him. 

-- 

He once said that he didn’t believe in Saints. A moment later he conceded that perhaps they existed in order to appease Inej, but he was quick to tact on that if Saints existed they didn’t care about him. Inej and I had exchanged a look, she pleaded with me in silence to let him be. I opened my mouth despite the look in her eyes, but he had walked away before I could get any words out. 

He believes that the Saints don’t care about him, but as soon as he was dragged in by Jesper, bleeding and more broken than usual, it had started to rain. The rain is a promise. The rain is a sign that he will wake up. 

I tap a finger against the forgotten book on my lap, ignoring the dried blood I’ve been too anxious to wash off. When Kaz wakes up he’ll either scold me or partially tease me for waiting here by his bedside. The rain continues, cascading down invisible hope. 

“Save your prayers, even for you the Saints won’t regard me.” Kaz. His voice is raspier than it should be and his slight condescension is blighted by the tired flatness of it. But it’s him. He’s speaking. 

I tear my gaze away from the window, almost forgetting to tamper down my relief before finally looking at him. I haven’t known him long enough to see him in any level of defeat, but I’ve heard enough stories. The fictional exaggeration of those that fear him have made him seem so immortal. Some part of me must have internalized that because to see him like this, to see him so human is too intimate. 

“Don’t be so narcissistic.” Something about Kaz always leaves me feeling challenged, like each comment is some kind of dare. I adjust my posture. “I wasn’t praying because I knew you’d be okay.” 

His expression is unchanging. “So much faith in me?” 

There’s a soft edge to his words, an attempt to twist some kind of awkward denial out of me. Some days I don’t think Kaz enjoys anything and then other days I think he enjoys any misstep in my words. 

I shrug, pushing down the flood of relief still attempting to crawl out of my chest. “You’re always okay.” I scratch the back of my wrist idly. “It seems the safe bet.” 

“Don’t tell me you’ve been taking gambling advice from Jesper.” 

I half roll my eyes. “No--Jesper and I don’t play together anymore.” I let out an easy sigh. “Last time I beat him he bordered on a hissy fit.” There’s the slightest hint of upturning at the corners of his lips. “I should go tell Jesper and Inej you’re awake.” 

“I think you should change out of that dress first.”

He was more likable when I thought he might die at any second. “Wow--Kaz Brekker the professional stylist.” He has no right to judge the formal gown I’m in. Yes, my outfit is ridiculous, but I’m only wearing it because the Crows needed someone they knew at a merchant’s party for a part of some scheme they wouldn’t share the details of with me. “Yes, I’m aware that this dress is more tulle than anything else, but I’m only wearing it because I was helping you.” 

I wait for some retort about how he could have managed without my assistance or some kind of comment about how I didn’t need such a large dress to flirt and distract the guards as the Crows snuck into the merchant’s private office. “You fit in there more than you said you would.” 

From anyone else, I’d consider this an insult. “I was making an effort for the sake of your plans.” 

“I saw you before I went into the office, you knew the dances, the man took your hand.” 

That’s the weirdest observation I’ve ever witnessed someone reflect on. “That’s how those dances tend to work.” I don’t hide the confusion in my expression. “How much blood did you lose?” 

Kaz’s piercing gaze drops to the blanket on his lap. “Not a concerning amount.”

“Why do I feel like we have different definitions of ‘concerning’?” 

His eyes flit upwards, a partial smirk playing at his lips. “We define a lot of things differently.” He pauses, “You defined the life you slipped into so easily tonight as something you could never do.” 

“I can’t.” What is his problem? “One dance is different than an eternity of planning teas and marrying some man who only keeps me so I can rear his children.” 

“You’d end up marrying someone who could give you things.”

He better not be implying I should be having children. I’m seriously starting to hope he did lose a significant amount of blood because that would be some kind of explanation. “I don’t want anyone to be giving me children right now, but I guess your concern is ni--”

“No, no,” he screws his eyes shut for a long second, “You know what I meant.” I stay silent. “You’re technically a princess, y/n, you could have more than the Barrel.” There’s an odd silence as he pauses. “Someone like you should have more than the Barrel.” 

He speaks like his word is law. That’s the one habit of his I can never seem to forgive. Is Kaz telling me to go home? To go back to a mother who dreams of marrying me off and a father with a temper that often leads to violence? He may be Dirtyhands, but he is no one to tell me who to go back to. Not after I risked my anonymity to get him into that merchant’s office. 

I shut my book and stand in one swift motion. “I’m going to tell Jesper and Inej that you’re awake.”

“Y/n.” I ignore him. “Y/n.” Again, I ignore him, approaching the doorway. The rustling of sheets leaves me frozen, hand on the doorknob. “Y/n.” 

Without thinking, I turn on my heels while glaring. There’s no way he’s proud enough to have climbed out of bed wi--and he’s standing. Standing almost directly behind me. 

“Kaz Brekker, I am going to say this one time and one time only.” I keep my words measured and my tone flat. No room for argument. “You just had nine stitches put in near your heart, get your ass back in bed before that is no longer your only injury.” 

He pauses, lips pressed together into a tight white line. And then his mouth opens, pried open by an oddly light sound. Did he just--Did Kaz Brekker just laugh? He doesn’t laugh. I didn’t think he was physically capable, and now he laughs while I’m threatening him? I should hit him on principle alone and damn the consequences. 

“Did you--” I’m gaping at him with a rage I am not accustomed to. “Did you just laugh?” 

Kaz is quick to shut his mouth. “You did swear you’d get me to laugh one day.” 

Saints--now he chooses to have some kind of sense of humor. “Not while I was threatening you for being an idiot after saying my lineage means that I’m meant to be trapped in the life I desire least.” 

“I didn’t say that.” I raise an eyebrow. “You don’t deserve more than this because of your family, you deserve more than this because--” He cuts himself off with a sharp sigh. “Do you remember what happened the day we met?” 

He had wanted to return me to my father for the money. I had managed to convince him I could be more useful working for him without profit. The first day had been tense, I had sworn to myself that I would hate him forever. 

“I remember really hating you.” I remember thinking him beautiful despite his darkness. “I remember it started raining on our way here.” 

“You had a hood, but you pushed it off your head to feel the rain.” I don’t remember that because indulging in the rain is instinctual to me. “You looked at the rain, and you smiled--and then you saw a woman with a child and you took off your hood and gave it to them.” 

“What does that have to d--” 

“Watching that felt like intruding on an intimate moment I had no business knowing about, but it wasn’t that to you. That moment was nothing to you because that moment was who you are.” 

I don’t understand what he sees in something I can barely remember. “Kaz, what does that have to do with anything?” 

“I’m the monster that children believe live under their beds, I’m the bastard of the Barrel, I’m someone who gets blood on everything near them.” His gaze is harsher than I’ve ever seen it as he focuses on the dried blood splotched across my hands and arms. “And then I can’t even help you wash it off.” 

Those last words are the closest to broken I’ve ever heard him sound. “Kaz--”

“And you’re the girl who looks at the rain like it’s a gift from the Saints.” 

Is he implying what I think he’s implying? Even if I believed him such a source of evil, even if I felt like touch mattered that much--why would he care? I keep the much more frightening implication at bay as I exhale. Clarity will only make this conversation worse. “That doesn’t matter.” The words leave me in a low whisper. 

I stare at the ground until his silence is something I can no longer bear. Looking up as cautiously as possible, I take in his expression. I’ve never seen him look so--so enraged. “It doesn’t matter?!” He doesn’t bother hiding the fact that he’s practically seething. “I’ve viewed your presence here as temporary since you first came and despite that, when I saw you there…” The breath he lets out is practically pained. “When I saw what your life is meant to be--I didn’t want you to go.” 

The admission breaks something hard in my chest. “I never wanted to go.” My eyeline drops to the ground. “I didn’t want to go when you were trying to make me, I didn’t want to go when it was only for that evening.” I swallow a lump of emotion restricting my throat. “When you were bleeding out and Jesper had to carry you back here I let myself imagine what it’d be like if you died. And it hurt. It hurt so badly I asked myself if I would rather never know you than feel that pain.” 

“Would you?” His voice has gone hollow. 

I finally look up again. “No.” That word leaves me more bare than any physical touch ever could. 

“I stain everything that stays with me,” his voice has seamlessly shifted back to a tone meant for business, “Me wanting you to stay is more than enough reason for you to leave.”

My chest aches as emotions I’ll never be able to place a name to pound against my chest. “I’m a princess that ran away from her family and tried to befriend her kidnapper--you can’t possibly be narcissistic enough to believe that you’re what’s corrupted me.” 

“Y/n,” his voice is gravely again, the way it was when he first woke up. 

“No. What could you possibly think I’d say to that?” He’s insane--I’m not even sure I understand what he’s implying. “You know I’ll never agree with what you’re saying, so I have no idea what kind of reaction you’re looking for.”

“Maybe a genuine one.” 

The comment is so frustrating I can’t help but roll my eyes. The irony of Kaz Brekker asking for a genuine reaction to an emotionally heavy comment is almost laughable. “My genuine reaction is that you’re acting like an idiot because I don’t agree with anything you’re saying, but calling someone an idiot after they’ve been stabbed in the chest is a little insensitive so I can’t give you my genuine reaction.”

Kaz half-scoffs, “You don’t agree? Y/n--are you hearing me!? I want--I want you to stay.” Even angry, the admission warms me. He lets out a frustrated sigh. “More than that I want--” 

“What?” 

He shakes his head once. “I want something that can never be because I can’t give what needs to be given to get it.” 

“Kaz, if it involves me staying you don’t need to give anything for that because I don’t want to go.” 

“I-want-you-to-stay-with-me.” The admission is pried from him by some invisible force. He speaks so fiercely the sentence comes out as one angry word. 

He speaks so quickly a part of me is convinced that I misheard him. I watch him as he moves back to the bed, sitting down in a way so resigned I wonder if I blurted something out on instinct. 

“Kaz,” this is embarrassing, “I wanted to stay with you even when I wanted to hate you.”

I take in his measured expression, the only thing implying any kind of reaction is the way his eyebrows draw together. “Don’t say that, you don’t understand what that means.” 

“Why? Because you’re convinced you’ll ruin me?” 

“Y/n, we’d be together with a wall between us, keeping us from ever touching.” 

“I will tolerate any amount of damage you’re so convinced staying with you will bring, I will stay with you and never touch you and think nothing of it--but I will not stay with you just to stand in front of a wall.” I let out a tired breath. “I will stay with you but my one condition will be that you have to let me know you.” 

Kaz’s intense gaze wavers. “The first thing you’ll know is that me allowing you to stay is a testament to my greed.” 

I give him a sharp look, “It’s not greed if I want to be here.” 

He half sighs, leaning against a pillow as he turns to look out the window. “It’s raining,” he muses, “The Saints must have done that for you.” 

The sentiment is so soft my heart feels like it’s constricting. “I thought you didn’t believe in the Saints.” 

“If they exist, they do so for people like you.” 

I push past the emotion in my chest as I move to sit in the same chair I was in earlier. “I was honest when I said I didn’t pray for you.” I scratch the back of my arm, a coldness passing over me. “I didn’t pray because I knew you would be okay because you had to be.” 

“They wouldn’t have saved me,” he mumbles, “Or maybe they would have for you.” 

I shake my head once, staring at the rain with more fascination than before. 

--

General Taglist: @theincredibledeadlyviper @grishaverse7 @lonelystarship

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker imagine #six of crows #six of crows x reader #six of crows x you #six of crows imagine #six of crows netflix #six of crows show #soc #soc imagine #shadow and bone #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone show #grishaverse #grisha #grishavers x reader #grishaverse imagine

[rubysunnday]

ask the saints

Summary: Y/N fled from the Little Palace and her fellow Grisha and straight into the arms of Matthias Helvar - former Druskelle. Yet, Y/n finds herself slowly falling for the man who was raised to hate her.

Ketterdam was an entirely different city to Os Alta . Y/N had gone from the grandeur and kitschy style of the Little Palace and the royal family to the dark, dingy unpredictable style of the Crow Club and she preferred it.

No one was expecting her to be perfect. No one was watching her every step like a hawk. She blended in with the countless other Grisha who had fled to Ketterdam and felt at home for the first time since she'd been taken to the Little Palace.

The Dregs were not safe - there was no guarantee of safety in the Barrel and, after all, they were a bunch of criminals - but Y/N was still glad for their presence.

Y/N got along with the almost all of the Crows - including Kaz. She brought a new side out to them and was a valuable investment according to Kaz - a comment that had earned a scoff from Jesper and an eye roll from Inej.

Y/N and Jesper were best friends and were the two causing complete and utter chaos in Ketterdam, only to be bailed out by Inej and Wylan before they could break anything or blow anything up.

Nina and Y/N had hit it off from the start - the two Grisha girls bonding over their similar upbringing. Somehow, they had never met despite living in the same place for most of their life.

The Crows felt like her weird, mismatched, very traumatised family.

Matthias Helvar, however, scared Y/N.

She knew that the man was no longer a part of the drüskelle, but that didn't change the terror she felt whenever she saw him. Y/N had narrowly avoided being killed by a member of the drüskelle when she was at the Little Palace and again when she'd fled Ravka and her fear had stayed with her.

It haunted her in the depths of night and had her waking up covered in sweat, dreaming of blood staining her hands.

Despite the fact he had drastically changed since meeting Nina, Matthias still had the air of a drüskelle about him. His mentality may have changed as had his outlook, but Y/N was still wary of him.

"Stop looking at him like he might bite you," Nina whispered, leaning over Y/N and picking up the waffles that sat on their table.

Matthias was guarding the front door with Jesper and Y/N had been watching him for the past five minutes.

Y/N shot Nina a quelling look and slapped the hand that was straying near her serving of waffles. "Back off my waffles, Zenik."

"What is it, exactly, about Matthias, that scares you?" NIna asked, taking a bite of her waffle. "He isn't a drüskelle anymore."

"I know."

"I trust him."

"A foolish mistake, but you do you."

"Y/N -"

Y/N rolled her eyes. "No, don't do that voice, Nina. Kaz doesn't trust anyone but I don't see you having a go at him."

"Because he's Kaz, it's to be expected," NIna replied, shrugging. "Y/N, why don't you trust Matthias? He's not going to hand you over to the Fjerdans." Y/N said nothing and Nina's eyes widened. "You think he's going to betray you, don't you?"

"I barely survived my first two run ins with the drüskelle, Nina, forgive me if I don't want to be all lovey dovey with a man who used to be one. I find it hard to trust him because I physically cannot. I was taught, as were you, to fear the Fjerdans and to kill them on sight because they want to end the existence of our kind. Tell me how I'm meant to trust one?"

Nina's eyes softened. She reached over and grabbed Y/N's hand, entwining her fingers with hers. "If you can't trust Matthias, trust me. Trust the fact that I trust him with my life, Y/N. If it wasn't for Matthias, I wouldn't be here. I would have fallen to my death yet he saved my life. Just, please, give him a chance."

Y/N looked at Nina. She sighed and reluctantly said, "fine."

And so, like a complete and utter fool, Y/N began to trust Matthias Helvar.

Y/N sat at the bar of the Crow Club, drumming her fingers on her glass as she contemplated life and her existence. Her thoughts were interrupted as Matthias sat down next to her and Y/N tried not to tense up or move away. His arm brushed hers and she flinched slightly, warily watching him out the corner of her eye.

"Nina spoke to me," Matthias began quietly, his accent softening his words.

"Oh, of course she did," Y/N muttered, snatching up her glass and drowning the rest of her drink. She winced as she swallowed, the alcohol burning her throat.

"Y/N... I understand why you cannot trust me," Matthias continued. His arm brushed Y/N's again as he reached across the bar and snatched up a bottle of whiskey, pouring himself a glass and Y/N resisted the overwhelming desire to move a seat up.

"Do you?" Y/N asked, forcing herself to turn on her stool to face him. "Do you actually understand?"

"Because I am a Fjerdan -"

"No, it's not just because of that, Matthias," Y/N said, cutting him off. "Everytime I look at you, I - I can't help but wander when you will hand me over to the Fjerdans or the drüskelle. Or when you'll try to kill me for being Grisha. I understand that you are not a drüskelle anymore but that mindset and mentality doesn't just vanish.

"I know that deep down there is a small part of you that wants to shoot me. That wants to strangle me until I die in your arms simply because I am Grisha."

Y/N looked into Matthias' eyes and could see the hurt inside them at her words. She smiled sadly at him and looked away. She didn't want to insult him, she just needed him to understand. To understand why it wasn't as easy as just moving on from her fear of the drüskelle.

"Matthias, I know that you are a good man," Y/N said quietly, turning her stool to face the bar again. "But, please, forgive me for not being able to trust you just yet."

Matthias nodded. "I understand, Y/N," he said, watching her intently as she poured herself another drink. "And I am sorry."

Y/N turned to face him "For what?"

"For what I did. And for what the drüskelle continue to do," Matthias said quietly. "I wish things were different."

"Maybe one day they will be," Y/N replied.

"It's an easy in and out," Kaz explained pointing to the back door of the house. "Matthias and Y/N, you'll be on the first floor watching Jesper's back. Inej and Nina, you'll be on the second floor, stealing the artwork."

"And you'll be where?" Inej asked, looking at Kaz.

"Outside with Wylan, ready for Plan D."

"Should it be reassuring knowing that we have a Plan D or should I be worried that letters A through C will probably go wrong?" Y/N asked, frowning.

"Just do your job, Y/N, and try not to murder Helvar," Kaz drawled, rolling the map up.

"Well, I can do one or the other, not both," Y/N replied, giving Kaz a one shouldered shrug.

Kaz rolled his eyes as he stood up and set his hat on his head. "Come along, I'd rather Y/N murdered Matthias outside my office, it's less blood to clean up."

The seven Crows all stood up and checked their weapons. Y/N trusted her Inferni powers but still kept two knives and a revolver on her belt, just in case.

As they walked down the street and into East Stave, Y/N glanced over at Matthias. For once, he didn't look uncomfortable or out of place - he looked like he was excited.

Saints, they were beginning to rub off on him.

They reached the fork where they would all go their separate ways and they stopped.

"No mourners," Kaz called, standing next to Wylan, both hands on his cane.

"No funerals," the others replied.

Matthias, Jesper and Y/N turned left and headed towards the back of the building. Y/N knelt down and quickly picked the lock, pushing the door open as quietly as she could.

"After you, ladies," Y/N said, smiling as she waved Jesper and Matthias in.

"Why, thank you, gorgeous," Jesper replied, winking at her as he passed.

Matthias followed and gave Y/N the smallest grin he could muster and Y/N found herself returning it.

In the weeks since their conversation at the bar, Y/N had found herself beginning to trust Matthias more. Kaz had begun putting them together on jobs more frequently and a weird bond had begun to be formed.

It was tentative and susceptible to breaking in two at any minute, but it was just about strong enough to support them both.

"Please, do not murder each other in the ten minutes I'm leaving you unattended," Jesper said, turning around on the stairs to look at them closely. He pointed a finger at Y/N. "Behave, missy."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Y/N replied, sounding insulted but a smile warped her face, giving away her amusement.

"No mourners," Jesper called as he jogged up the stairs, an excited bounce in his step.

"No funerals," Matthias called after him, his voice overlapping with Y/N's as she replied too.

Y/N and Matthias looked awkwardly at one another as they realised that they were alone, in the dark, with no one around.

"You do realise that Kaz is partnering us up on purpose," Y/N said,, in a desperate attempt to break the silence as she perched herself on the stairs and stretched her legs out in front of her.

"I noticed. Nina pointed it out. As did Jesper and Wylan," Matthias added. He hesitated for a moment and then sat down on the stairs next to Y/N, his arm bushing hers.

Y/N didn't flinch.

The two sat next to each other in silence, occasionally looking around to ensure that no one was coming and that they were still alone.

Y/N looked down at her trousers. "When I was still at the Little Palace, I was sent to Kribirsk to be apart of a trip through the Fold. On the way, myself and the ten other Grisha I was travelling with were attacked by the drüskelle. I was one of only five who survived. And we only survived because General Kirigan saved us."

Matthias was watching Y/N intently, his eyes locked onto hers like a lock around a door. Y/N looked up from her trousers and found his eyes with hers.

"I lost too many friends that day to the drüskelle. I almost died myself - my kefta didn't stop the bullet from hitting my side and I would've bled out if..." Y/N trailed off and swallowed, turning her eyes away from Matthias as she felt her eyes burning.

Matthias kept quiet. He watched Y/N as she quickly wiped away the tears that fell, not wanting anyone to see. Matthias heistated for only a second before reaching over and grabbing Y/N's hand.

Y/N flinched slightly but didn't pull away. After a second, she turned to look at Matthias and entwined her fingers with his.

"I would never hurt you, Y/N," Matthias said softly.

Y/N nodded. She shyly smiled as she spoke. "I know that now."

Matthias turned his head a bit more so that he was directly facing Y/N. Their legs brushed together as Y/N leaned further in, her hair brushing Matthias' face.

The two of them sprung apart as the sound of footsteps began getting closer. Y/N shot to her feet and snuck down the stairs to the door, peeking her head around the door frame.

Her heart dropped. She recognised the man walking down the corridor towards them. Y/N stumbled back into Matthias and he caught her as she tripped over his feet.

"Grisha," Y/N whispered, spinning around to look at him. "He's a heartrender - killer for hire. I thought he was just a rumour."

A muscle in Matthias' jaw jumped. His grip on Y/N's shoulder tightened a fraction. "Someone should warn Jesper."

"You go," Y/N said firmly, stepping back from Matthias.

"Y/N -"

Y/N cut off Matthias by clicking her fingers, a spark of fire wrapping around her fingers. The shadows it cast on her face as she smirked made her look like a witch. "I can manage. Go."

Matthias didn't move for a moment. Y/N raised her eyebrows, encouraging him to go, and Matthias sighed, turning on his heel and taking the stairs two at a time.

Y/N watched him go and then spun back around to face the heartrender as he turned the corner and stopped at the sight of her.

"Oh, hello," Y/N greeted, waving. "I was looking for the Emerald Palace and I think I got lost."

The heartrender moved his hands together and Y/N snapped her fingers and threw a ball of bright orange fire at him. Whilst the man was busy trying to dodge the fire, Y/N ran up the stairs, trying to create some distance between her and him.

She knew he could hear her heartbeat pounding away in her chest. She knew that he would inevitably find her. She just had to give Matthias and the rest of them long enough to get out.

Y/N ran down the corridor and skidded to a sudden stop as she felt her heart constrict in her chest. Breathing became harder and her chest tightened with every passing second. She turned around and saw the heartrender stalking towards her like a predator did once it had cornered its prey.

"Inferni, huh," the man said, his hands overlapping and Y/N realised that he was the one with a grip on her heart. "What are you doing here in the Barrel, eh?"

Y/N gasped. "I could - I could ask you the same thing," she choked out, coughing. She could feel blood begin to drip down from her nose.

The man laughed. "Money is better for killing than for protecting," he replied.

A gunshot went off from behind Y/N and she fell to her knees, coughing violently as the grip on her heart disappeared and she could suddenly breathe again.

She turned her head and Matthias stood behind her, smoke drifting up from the revolver he'd just fired. The man was lying on the ground, a bullet hole in his chest, blood slowly seeping out and onto the marble floor. Y/N gagged and a fresh wave of coughing hit her and she doubled over on the ground, barely able to keep breathing.

"Y/N," Matthias said, rushing over to her, dropping his revolver. "Y/N, hey, just breathe."

Y/N coughed again and clutched Matthias' arm tightly. He had his back to the heartrender and couldn't see as he crawled forward and stretched his arm out, grabbing the revolver Matthias had dropped.

It happened quickly. Y/N looked up and saw the revolver aimed at Matthias' head and shoved him to the side as the man fired. The bullet hit her just below her right breast, to the left of her ribs, and Y/N slammed into the ground, her head smacking the tiles with some force.

Another gun fired as Y/N hit the ground and the heartrender fell backwards, a bullet hole in his head. Matthias whirled around and saw Jesper standing behind him, his revolver smoking.

Y/N groaned as her body caught up with what had just happened and Matthias turned back to her, reality catching up to him too.

"Y/N," Matthias said, kneeling beside her and moving her jacket aside to see where the bullet had hit.

Blood was blooming across her dark green shirt and was dripping down from her back onto the marble, seeping outwards and running through the joints that connected the tiles together. Y/N coughed and blood stained her teeth and Matthias couldn't tell if it was from being shot or having had her heart constricted by the heartrender.

"Y/N, hey, hey, stay with me," Matthias said, placing his hands either side of her face. "Look at me."

Y/N opened her eyes slightly and met his gaze. He could tell she was in shock, her pupils were dilated and she looked dazed.

Jesper appeared next to Matthias, pulling out a scarf from his pocket and pressing it against her side. "Helvar, hold this here."

Matthias did as Jesper said, his hands leaving Y/N's face and pressing down on her bloody side. Y/N cried out in pain at the sudden pressure on her side and Matthias felt his own heart tighten at her cry of pain.

"Can you carry her to the rendezvous?" Jesper asked, his fingers wrapping around Y/N's wrist as he checked her pulse.

Matthias didn't trust himself to responded without giving away how he felt so simply nodded.

"Great, don't drop her, I don't think she'd forgive you," Jesper replied, slapping Matthias on the back as he stood. "I'll go find Nina."

As Jesper disappeared down the stairs, Matthias crouched and slipped one arm under Y/N's knees, his left arm wrapping around her back. He lifted her up as carefully as he could, well aware of the blood staining his shirt as he held her against his chest.

"You're welcome," Y/N mumbled. Her head lolled to the side, hitting his chest.

"For what?" Matthias asked, glancing down at her as he carried her through the building.

"Saving your stupid ass," Y/N replied, her eyes closing.

She was pale and Matthias could see that her breathing was becoming more laboured and stuttered. He looked up from her face and saw the back door looming towards them. Matthias kicked open the door and stepped out into the street.

"Old me would have let you die," Y/N continued, her voice growing weaker. "But I like you, Matthias..."

Y/N trailed off and Matthias felt her arms slip from around his neck, falling either side as she lost consciousness.

"Nina!" Matthias yelled, spotting the woman as she rushed out the side door, Jesper at her side.

Nina ran up to them and placed her hands on Y/N's chest. She closed her eyes for a second and then opened them again.

"Slat, now," she ordered. She turned to Jesper. "If Kaz -"

"Go," Jesper replied, cutting her off. "We'll manage."

The painting leant against the wall in the kitchen of the Slat, taunting them. But none of them were celebrating their success. Matthias was sitting sullenly in a corner, a bottle of alcohol on the table next to him, half empty. Jesper and Wylan were practically sitting on each other, Jesper with his arm around Wylan's shoulders, his fingers drawing random patterns on his boyfriend's arm.

Nina and Inej hadn't left Y/N's room since they'd all gotten back. Matthias had wanted to be in there with her but one glare from the two women and he'd left them too it.

Kaz was up in his office, trying to work out when and how a Grisha had been hired as a killer without him knowing or anyone in the Barrel knowing.

"She'll be fine," Wylan said quietly, breaking the silence. He looked up at Jesper. "She has to be fine."

Jesper dropped his head onto Wylan's. "She can't die," Jesper whispered, closing his eyes. He pressed his lips to Wylan's curls. "She can't die."

Matthias picked up the alcohol and took a big, long sip from it. He swallowed in one, barely registering the burning in his throat. He couldn't bare the waiting. The not knowing.

Jarl Brum would be ashamed of him. He'd fallen for a Grisha - the one thing he'd been taught to hate his entire life. He'd fallen off a cliff and straight into her arms.

Y/N trusted him. They'd gone from barely talking to holding hands in just a few months and he knew Kaz had partnered them together on purpose. Matthias didn't know if he was more surprised at the fact that Kaz cared or that Kaz had noticed how he felt.

Matthias realised his eyes were burning and quickly used the sleeve of his shirt to wipe away the tears before anyone saw.

Saints, he was actually in love. In love with a woman who he'd been born to hate.

Matthias stood up from his corner, startling Jesper and Wylan. He opened the kitchen door and disappeared down the corridor.

"What's the matter with him?" Wylan asked, lifting his head to watch Matthias leave.

"He's just realised that he's in love with Y/N," Jesper replied, letting Wylan drop his head back onto his shoulder. "That's all."

Matthias headed up the two flights of stairs to Y/N's room and gently knocked on the wooden door. He didn't wait for anyone to reply and slowly pushed it open, almost afraid of what he might possibly find inside.

Inej was nowhere to be seen, the Suli girl had presumably disappeared up to the attic to talk to Kaz about their next steps. Nina was fast asleep in a chair at the head of Y/N's bed, one hand entwined with Y/N's.

Matthias walked in a bit further until he could see Y/N. She was still unconscious but there was more colour in her skin than there had been the last time he'd seen her. Nina had wiped the blood off her face and put her in a fresh, clean shirt that matched her eyes.

Matthias surprised himself with that last realisation.

"Nina," Matthias said softly, approaching her and putting a hand on her shoulder.

Nina blinked awake and jumped when she saw Matthias standing beside her. "What? Is it Y/N -"

"No, no, she's fine," Matthias said, glancing over at Y/N at the same time Nina did. "Can I..." Matthias trailed off, unsure of why he was struggling to ask the question.

NIna smiled knowingly. "Can you sit here?" She asked for him. "Why, of course, Matthias, I could do with some food."

Nina let go of Y/N's hand, gently setting it down on the bed. She gestured to the chair and Matthias sat down in it hesitantly.

"Anything happens, come and get me," Nina ordered, pointing a stern finger at him. "I meant it, Matthias. If she even twitches I want to know."

Matthias nodded and Nina took that as confirmation and flounced out the room. She shut the door behind her and Matthias was alone with Y/N.

For a moment, he just sat there, his hands in his lap. And then, he moved his right hand to Y/N's left, picking it up with surprising care and gentleness, and wrapped her fingers around his hand. He then put his other hand around hers and pressed his lips to her fingers.

"Djel, please bring her back to me," he whispered quietly, dropping his forehead onto their entwined hands. "Please. I can't live without her."

It wasn't until early dawn that Y/N woke up, her head pounding, her right side aching. It took her a moment to enter reality again and as she did so, she turned her head to the left and found a small smile appearing on her face.

Matthias was fast asleep in the chair, his right hand still entwined with hers. Y/N stared at him for a moment, taking in his peaceful, sleeping face.

Saints, she had actually fallen in love him. The man born and raised to kill her had stolen her heart and wrapped it in a ribbon. She had to appreciate the irony in the fact that her own kind had almost killed her yet a former drüskelle had saved her life.

Y/N's smile grew as Matthias' hand twitched in hers and she half rolled onto her left side, shifting closer to him, their hands still holding onto each other as if they were scared that, should they let go, they would never find each other again.

It took four days for Nina to finally allow Y/N to leave the Slat. And even then she was only allowed down to Fifth Harbour and was put under what was practically an armed guard in the form of Matthias.

Y/N looped her arm through his as they walked down the canal and out to Fifth Harbour, each step agonisingly slow. Matthias didn't mind, though. It gave him more time to look at Y/N and appreciate how alive she looked and felt.

They found a bench on the harbour wall and Y/N slowly sat down, wincing slightly as she bent. Matthias sat down next to her, their arms brushing. Except this time, instead of moving away or flinching, Y/N dropped her head onto his shoulder and looked out at the harbour.

Matthias, surprised by the sudden affection, stopped functioning for a moment. Eventually he raised his arm and wrapped it around Y/N's shoulders, his fingers rubbing soft circles on her arm.

"Thank you," Y/N said after a moment of silence. She was still watching the harbour. "For saving my life."

"You saved mine first," Matthias reminded her, his hand moving up and down her arm slowly.

"I wasn't going to let you die the same way your family did," Y/N said softly. "At the hands of a Grisha." She paused. "I'm sure you do know this but the Inferni who did that to your family... they're nothing like me. Or any of the Inferni I knew."

"I know."

"And I wish I had met you sooner, Matthias, so that I could have shown you that," Y/N continued, tilting her head up to look at him.

Matthias smiled sadly. "I would have killed you."

"I know."

Y/N turned her head back to the harbour. Matthias dropped his head onto hers after a moment, the stray hairs that had escaped her braid tickling his face as they danced in the wind.

"I was raised to hate Grisha," Matthias said quietly, unsure of where exactly he was going with what he was saying. "I was taught that you were Drüsje. That you were to be feared and that you were unnatural and inhuman."

"And now?" Y/N asked, looking up at him.

Matthias watched her. The sea breeze kept picking up the stray pieces of hair and blowing them around her face. Y/N raised a hand and pushed them back out the way only for them to be blown back into her face again. There was no sun in Ketterdam but the gloomy afternoon light brightened enough that the water was lit up, it's reflection landing on Y/N's eyes, making them look as if they were on fire.

"Now, I know that he was wrong," Matthias said, almost whispering it because she was so close to him. "That you are everything he said you weren't. And I know that you are not messing with my heart to make me feel this way."

"I could set you on fire," Y/N pointed out, raising her eyebrows. She let out a little laugh and Matthias smiled. He leant down and kissed her on the lips. He lingered for a moment and then leant back.

Matthias looked at her surprised expression and his smile grew. "You already have."

#shadow and bone #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone imagines #six of crows #six of crows imagine #six of crows imagines #six of crows x reader #matthias helvar #matthias helvar x reader #matthias helvar imagine #matthias helvar imagines

[goldengoddess]

You know what I was thinking just the other day? How would Kaz be with a reader who is a little more on the sensitive side? Like I can’t imagine him trying to be abrasive but he seems like HED slip up so much

because it's you

pairing: kaz brekker x sensitive!reader

a/n: oh my god i hate this so much pls forgive me i tried,,,, sending u lots of love

warnings: curse word? kaz being a little mean

the barrel was a ruthless place

it took everything a person had to survive

everyone you knew had needed to sacrifice some part of themselves to stay alive on the streets

lose a part of their naive nature

innocence

whatever it may be

but you, even though you'd survived this long, lost so much, had never been able to shake your sensitivity

sometimes it was the brunt of the joke

the cute little teasing remark from jesper

"oh no we can't watch that movie, you know it makes y/n cry"

you never minded

you had earned your place in the dregs

regardless of your sometimes hypersensitive feelings

everyone knew that

but sometimes other comments stung

people would be slightly too harsh with you

and you would end up in a foul mood all day

or locked in your tiny shared room buried under your covers

it was never their faults

they couldn't control your reactions or know what you would take to heart and what you wouldn't

you were 'built different' as nina lovingly told you sometimes

but what hit the hardest was when kaz hurt your feelings

the two of you had established an understanding

his cold nature pulled in your sensitive one and vice versa

the true nature of opposites attract

but he was still your boss

and he tried his best to be boss like

to be the kaz brekker he was with everyone else

key word is tried

there were secrets that he shared with you

and no one else

sometimes they just slipped out of him

you could tell he hadn't meant to tell you certain things

he'd always try his best to not tell you

bite his lip

look behind you instead of at you

but they'd leave his lips anyways

all in a breathless admission

like he couldn't help but share everything with you

he would sigh and place his head in his hands, "i wasn't meant to tell you that."

you'd lean your hip against the desk he was at and answer "so why did you?"

he would look up with a 'seriously?' look on his face and then the corners of his eyes would soften

"because it's you."

something about your sensitivity made you trustworthy in his eyes

but it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows between the two of you

sometimes you fucked up

like the one time you were in a place you weren't meant to be during a job

and a guard had caught you

causing the plan, kaz's plan, to go south

"saint's y/n you know that wasn't where you were meant to be how could you be so careless?" he'd said to you, his voice laced with venom

you had flinched at the words

already feeling hot tears in your eyes

jesper had grabbed your hand and pulled you closer to him

he'd glared daggers at kaz and shook his head while saying "too far man"

jesper had led you out of the room and back to yours

you'd spent the rest of the night running over the job in your head

what had you done wrong where had you messed it up

all while kaz's words replayed in your head constantly

but the next morning the kitchen would be filled with waffles and all of your favorite treats

and coffee galore

your favorite thing ever

it would make your entire day to wake up to a breakfast like that

you saw the way kaz tried to catch your eyes over the table as everyone ate

and when you finally looked at him

you could practically feel the apology radiating off him

the bite you took out of your waffle meant 'apology accepted'

sometimes you wouldn't be the only one to mess up on the job

alot of times mostly when jesper was around it was a group effort

and kaz would rip all of you a new one

he would stare at all of you, sitting in a row in front of him, his arms crossed over his chest

and then he'd start

"what were you all thinking?" "the plan was very clear" "this cannot happen again"

everyone would just look right back at him

except you

you'd take the words personally

fiddling with your fingers

wincing at his words

kaz would notice and his anger would slowly subside

"get out. all of you."

you'd file out like a bunch of elementary students

but kaz would close the door before you could leave

"kaz?"

he sighed and sat down on his bed

you took a seat next to him

"you know i wasn't yelling just at you right? that wasn't about you"

you nodded your head but kept staring forward

he tapped your thigh twice to get his attention

and when you looked at him he was letting a smile slip onto his face

and you would mirror the tiny grin

"i know kaz"

"i never want to hurt your feelings angel, you know that right?"

you'd nod your head

and his small smile would be a full grin

"you make it really hard to be your boss"

maybe dirtyhands wasn't so ruthless when it came to his favorite person

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker fic #kaz brekker x y/n #kaz brekker headcanons #kaz brekker x oc #shadow and bone #six of crows #grishaverse #jesper fahey #six of crows imagine #grisha #nina zenik #wylan van eck #shadow and bone imagine

[bloodwrittenballad]

Prayers | Kaz Brekker

Summary: Kaz is left with only one option after you get injured and won’t wake up... to pray.

Warnings: Injuries, blood, near death experience, angst, mentions of fighting, a few swears, praying, sad kaz :(

apologizes in advance, haha. let me know if you want a part 2! - parker

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It’s funny how in a split second, things can go from normal to chaotic. How childhood innocence can soon turn into the very nightmares that haunt you at night, taunting you the second you close your eyes.

Kaz felt like he was currently living out a nightmare, and he already had enough of those when he slept, so being wide awake during this was a lot harder, he almost would rather give in to the tiredness he felt.

He couldn’t though however, he couldn’t fall victim to yet another nightmare right now, not when you could possibly be going through one too from where you slept on your bed. And if you were, he wanted to be awake and ready to help comfort you.

Looking down at your sleeping face, he couldn’t help but let his eyes wonder down fo the white bandage wrapped around your stomach. He grimaced at the sight. Though the bleeding had long stopped and been cleaned away, he still couldn’t unsee it.

He couldn’t unsee your face when he saw you get stabbed, either. It haunted him. Every time he dared to close his eyes, he saw your teary ones when you stumbled towards him, clutching your wound in pain.

Kaz turned away, not able to bear looking any further. He blamed himself for it, how couldn’t he? He should’ve done better to protect you, should’ve tried harder to make you stay out of this job, regardless of how much nastier it would’ve made the fight you had before going.

and yet he failed.

Sighing, he blinked back the tears that burned his eyes and threatened to spill, resting his head in his hands, unable to stop his brain from tormenting him by replaying the moment that left you in this position.

-

“K-Kaz,” your voice was barely above a whisper, but he still heard it. That was the first time you’d spoken to him since the fight you two had before the mission.

His turned to you immediately, his eyes captured yours and he saw the unshed tears. Confusion flashed his fast at first, but then he noticed the blood.

And his world stopped.

“Y/N!” He yelled, rushing towards you as fast as he could, ignoring the pain he felt in his leg when he did so. Luckily he managed to catch you before you fell to the harsh and unforgiving ground, but any luck of him trying to keep you awake had failed.

“No, no, no, Y/N, please,” Kaz lightly slapped your cheek with his gloved hand, in attempt to wake you up. “Stay with me, stay with me, please I can’t lose you. Not you. I refuse to lose you too. No, c’mon, you can’t go, I still gotta apologize for being an asshole to you and you gotta pretend to not forgive me and then hug me and say of course you do, like always. P-please don’t leave me, not when the last things I said were awful. Y/N, Y/N?! Stay awake-”

-

He sniffled, turning to look back at you once more. You looked peaceful, almost too peaceful, but he couldn’t bring himself to think of that. Instead he took one of his gloved off, placing it on your bedside table and scooted his chair closer to your bed, and took your hand in his.

Your hand felt surprisingly warm in his cold ones, an oddly comforting contrast. His thumb rubbed over your bruised knuckles, the shades of reds and blue he’d grown accustomed to seeing himself have too.

You always liked to gently kiss his bruises when he allowed it, claiming it would help speed up the healing process. Of course it didn’t, but he still liked the sentiment. Bringing your hand up to his lips, he pressed a light kiss upon it, “to encourage your healing.” He said. That’s exactly what you would say.

“So you can come back to me sooner.” Kaz added. “Please, come back to me. Y/N, I need you. You have to come back to me. Don’t make me lose you too, I can’t go through that, don’t make me go through that. Please, Saints, please...” His breathe got caught in his throat, his heart hammering in his chest.

“I’ve already lost enough people, don’t make me lose the only person left from my childhood that I love. Don’t make me go through the pain of having to bury the only person who has been there for me despite it all, despite my flaws, despite my demons... Don’t make me lose the one person who shows me unconditional love and kindness even though I don’t deserve it. Saints, don’t make be alone again...”

Kaz wasn’t a prayer, he wasn’t even a believer, he wasn’t too sure if you were either. You never really voiced your opinion on the matter, but something in that moment made him desperate enough to try for the both of you.

He reluctantly let your hand go from his, and quickly folded his own together. He’d only seen an actual prayer be done once before, so he wasn’t sure if he was doing it correctly, but nonetheless bowed his head.

Kaz cleared his throat, nervously, entirely too sure of where to begin. “Uh, um, S-Saints? I-I know I’m probably the last person you’d want to hear from, let alone answer too, a-and I don’t blame you for that.” He chuckled the last part anxiously.

“B-but uh, you see, Saints, I uh- it’s not really for me. Well, it is, but, m-mostly for Y/N. This prayer is for them. So while I may not deserve your miracles, they do. They are the most amazing, most perfect, most caring person I have ever known. They’re so selfless and j-just want the world to be a better place. They’ve already made mine a better place, don’t take them away before they can do more.” His eyes burned, he blinked back the tears.

“Please, it’s been days, I- I can’t go on much longer without them. Give them back to me. I can’t lose them too. N-Not when I haven’t gotten the chance to tell them I love them back. Please I need to tell them I love them back. I-I still have to tell them what they truly mean to me, I have to apologize for acting so harsh before the mission. I have to make things right.”

A choking sound came from him at the last part, unable to finish the prayer. He hoped what he said was enough, and he hoped that if Saints were real, they’d answer, and give you back to him.

He wouldn’t know what he’d do if they didn’t.

#kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker fanfic #kaz brekker x reader

[thedelusionreaderbitch]

Little did you know - Kaz Brekker/platonic! Crows x fem! reader

A/n: I don't know where this came from... It's a mess but its like- whatever I guess

Warnings: GORE, DEATH, TORTURE, questionable sanity, this could be disturbing to some people so don't say I didn't warn you!

I do not own six of crows or shadow and bone or it's characters

Summary: The Crows make a vital mistake when trying to get information not knowing that it would cost them everything...

(Gif not mine)

Her hair flows in the wind the only part of her moving the rest still as a serpent creeping up on its prey. Slowly, she starts to move forward as she spots her victims, some pretty little birdy's, just some unusually remarkable crows. If anything went right today the only thing that would be remarkable about them would be their downfall.

She almost yells out in excitement and joy when they wander right into her trap. They walk into her house - a dead merchant's house and go to loot what's left of it.

From her vantage point in the ceiling, she can see everything, from Nina's hands out ready to Matthias beside her. She sees Jesper's darting eyes and Wylan's uneasiness. Moreover, she can even see Inej Ghafa in the shadows high on alert ready to strike at any moment, just in case.

Then her eyes find Kaz and she almost kills him there and then.

He's in his normal attire and he hadn't changed his atrocious haircut either. Yet he's different still, it's the way he's holding himself. Like he feels accomplished.

And even though he has his neutral 'I'm bored' face on Y/n can see through him. She's always been able too and right now he's happy for an easy run. Not a trace of him is guilty or mourning and it's only been one week.

Now that she thinks about it there's not a trace of mourning in anyone.

Balling her hands into fits she nearly screams in agony, they thought she had died and they didn't even care. If she had any doubts before they're gone with just some simple observation.

Yet Y/n still waits and as soon as the Crows get into the trap completely she starts moving.

They had killed her loving parents who worked at a bakery, they had done nothing, nothing wrong. But now they were still six feet under, and she knew it was not just some casualties. Kaz was too precise for that.

She creeps up behind Inej and knocks her out cold before she can even cry out, Y/n catches her body before it can hit the floor and she carefully lays Inej to the said knowing she'll have to tie her up later.

Next is Jesper and Wylan.

For Jesper, she shoots him with a sleeping dart made out of a massively hard metal to control for fabricators and blinds Wylan before doing the same thing to him as well.

Taking out a bomb from Wylan's bag she sets it off. Running towards Nina and before she can use her heartrender abilities, Y/n headbutts her causing her figure to fall to the floor. Unconscious.

Matthias starts sprinting towards her but she simply grabs his shoulder and hits him on a pressure point on his neck and he's out with the rest of them.

It's funny because he taught her that manoeuvre.

"Kaz!" She yells in a shrill voice beckoning him downstairs, did he really leave his little itty bitty Crows alone? Ah, just like he did to her, what they all did to her.

The Crows and Y/n were on a mission and something went wrong, she was shot and they left her to die. She could have been easily saved but they left her and while they did that she remembers - the thing that she remembers most about that night. Kaz leaned down into her ear and said;

'Thanks for the information little snake.'

They had used her to get information, everything she had with them was fake. Everything with Kaz was fake. Every little touch, every little moment, their entire (established) relationship was fake.

"Come down Kazzy I helped you! Now you help me!" She runs up the stairs knowing that there's only one exit, the window. That was extremely high off the ground he would hopefully try to bargain with her first.

Even if he didn't Y/n had brought some rope because he would definitely break his legs at that height.

But Y/n wasn't a little snake now she was a majestic serpent that wielded the screeches of revenge in her venom.

She runs into the room with the window and there he was there in a chair in the shadows looking smug, but the serpent knew it was all just a facade - fake confidence.

Smiling at him she pulls out a second chair from a broken-down desk and places it right in front of him. 'Bang.' It's a simple sound but it echos throughout the room bouncing off the walls into the depths of madness.

"Oh Kazzy, have you come to help me?" She takes her lip in between her teeth and fake trembles.

"Have you come to save me?" Her voice is tiny and it's nothing like it used to be around him, yet he still flinches. He knows she's putting on an act but it still hurts him. And she wants to hurt him over, and over again.

"Y/n... We needed that information, lots of the Dregs' lives were on the line. There is so much more you wouldn't don't understand."

Laughing into the open she secretly pulls out a syringe from her back pocket readying it in her hand.

Instantly her voice changes from the scarce poor girl's voice to a very dark voice. Vengeance was held there and it was like burning your ears in the pits of hell listening to it. The sins and revenge sounded melodic but the torture that laid underneath was horrific.

"Really Rietveld? Did you think I would forgive so easily?"

Kaz's face morphs into surprise at hearing his real last name, Y/n jumps at the chance and she plunges the syringe deep into his neck.

"See you in hell."

___________________TIME SKIP A COUPLE OF HOURS__

All the Crows are tied up to some chairs in the secret basement of the house. The woman waits for what looks like patiently but really she's boiling with excitement.

This is going to be fun.

Finally, the last Crows wakes up and the Serpent takes out her playthings. Just a couple of knives and guns, but those were just her toys the real weapons are the emotional and mental pain she would cause everyone including herself.

"You know why you are here, don't you?" She walks around the room watching every one of The Crows' snarling faces but perhaps some of them held remorse.

Although Y/n was past their pity now. None of the damage could be undone, what's done is done. An eye for an eye.

"Nina darling, this may hurt a bit." Quicker than Jesper's sharpshooter's eye could catch she stabs Nina in the stomach as she yells out in pain Y/n twists the knife back and forth.

Matthias screams out for his lover and after what feels like an internity the serpent pulls the dagger out knowing that she'll just eventually die from blood loss.

Taking a quick look around the room she notices some of the terrified faces and how everyone is on edge. Good, just how she wants it.

"Mörd demjin," Matthias mutters under his breath and Y/n takes his throat in her hand and holds tight enough to choke him.

"Don't call me by the little nickname you gave Kazzy!" She yells furiously holding onto him tighter and tighter. His face starts to become purple and she can hear the yells and screams of the birdy's in the background.

'No! Let go! Matthias! Matthias! Let him go!'

"Any last words?" She jets out her lip before holding onto him tighter and she sees the fury of the ice in his eyes before there's nothing. His eyes roll back lifeless.

"No Matthias! Matthias!" Nina shrieks trying to desperately get out of her chair.

Rolling her eyes with a huff Y/n pulls out a gun and shoots Nina twice in the head.

"Now you're with your lover." She drawls on the word lover and turns to Inej. She didn't really want to do this but she had to cause him all the pain that she could. Even if Inej tried to stop them.

Swiftly she pulls out the knife Inej gave her and kindly kills her with a hard blow to the heart. She doesn't suffer, she just solely died, it's the only kindness the Serpent can afford to give her.

At this point, Jesper and Wylan are openly sobbing and screaming for their friends and for Y/n to please stop. But she doesn't, with blood all over her clothes she makes her path towards her next fool.

"If you were wondering why you couldn't control the bullets, Jesper." She drawls on in a monotone voice. She can see and hear Wylan screaming and it pains her but she doesn't let it show. She lets the Serpent take over or else this will never get done.

Fully becoming the Serpent Y/n places the barrel of her gun up to his heart and she just shoots, no emotion on her face whatsoever.

"A special venom of mine for Grisha. Had some fun testing it."

Going over to Wylan she quickly slits his throat not wanting the little merchling to suffer more than he already has.

She looks at Kaz blankly, he's shaking and he's beyond trying not to show any emotion. Tears are streaming down his face and he's gasping for air. Trembles roll off his body and the agony on his face pierces her hurt.

"Why?" Rietveld finally manages to rasp out. "WHY!" He screams ultimately reaching his breaking point.

"Because Kaz," She whispers in a sickeningly sweet voice lifting his chin with the tip of her pointer finger.

"Everything comes with a price." She pauses letting it sink in.

"And little did you know the price it would cost you."

And that's the story of Sankta Serpentina and Sankt Dirtyhands.

Words 1634

-thedelusionreaderbitch

Shadow and bone taglist: @kaqua @rika90 @thefandomplace @musical-theatre-obsessed-dumbass @gallysonegoodlung @navs-bhat @sumsebien @dontjudgeabookbythecover

(if you would like to be added leave a comment!)

#six of crows #shadow and bone #kaz brekker imagine #the crows x reader #crows x reader #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x y/n #kaz brekker x you #the crows #angst #this is really bad #fanfiction #the grishaverse #grisha #kaz brekker #kaz rietveld #inej ghafa #y/n l/n #jesper fahey #nina zenik #matthias helvar #wylan van eck #everyone dies #i'm so sorry for making this #crooked kingdom #six of crows x reader #insane #shadow and bone x reader

[djerhlm]

kaz doesn't break promises

kaz brekker x fem!reader

part three! i hope you like it.

part one part two

They say the pleasure of love lasts but a moment. The pain of love lasts a lifetime. Whether that means that loving someone too deeply hurts, or the heartbreak that follows the loss of someone who you loved too deeply.

Everyone copes with heartbreak in different ways. It seems as though no matter how long someone is heartbroken, they find it within themselves to overcome it. They grieve for a few months, maybe even a few years, but they learn to accept the fact that it happened and it’s over.

With Y/N, however, it’s different. The heartbreak wasn’t planned. Kaz didn’t break up with her or directly say anything mean, he had just found someone else to love. That left her with doubts. And she was surrounded by those doubts. Day after day she would mope around her apartment, zoning into her thoughts. Going to work became too much for her because she was just so tired–mentally.

Disha was an incredible friend, always looking out for Y/N. But she also grew tired of having to take care of a second person. Day after day she would come home from work to see her roommate staring at the ceiling, or her not coming home until the late hours of night. Y/N was a burden.

After having worked 13 hours at the bakery, Disha walked into the small apartment to be confronted with darkness. She knew she wouldn’t be eating anything. Y/N was too mentally unstable to cook, leaving Disha with the responsibility. But she didn’t have time.

Walking to Y/N’s room, Disha knocked.

“Y/N? Are you in there?”

A soft hum came from the other side.

Disha opened the door to–her surprise–Y/N sitting on the floor reading. Every time she walked into that room she would be met with Y/N hiding under the covers. On her days off, she tried to get her to walk around town, go shopping, do anything to get her out of the house. She probably felt even more miserable because she never saw the sun.

“Y/N/N, darling! You’re doing something other than sulking!” Disha teased.

“Yeah, yeah. I made a mission. Everyday, I’m going to try to complete a task or activity. Today, reading.” Y/N added.

“I really am proud of you. I’m off tomorrow, how about we go to town?”

“I’m not sure if I’m up for that just yet, D. I’m sorry.”

“Come on, Y/N.” Disha dragged out. She just wanted to help her friend.

“Can I think about it? Please?” Y/N pleaded.

“Okay. Yeah. Will you at least help me make breakfast tomorrow?”

“Of course.”

After smiling at each other and saying goodnight, Disha walked to her room.

In the morning, a brilliant light hugged Y/N’s body, making her feel warm. The sun had always motivated her. In her healing phase, she kept the curtains closed 24/7. The only time she saw light was when she walked into a different part of the apartment. And sometimes she sat outside, though only for a few minutes–she was scared that Kaz would show up one day. She knew it was a stupid thought, Kaz had no way of knowing where she was, but she often imagined him travelling the world just to find her, only for her to scream at him and tell him to leave.

Though she knew that if he actually had shown up, she wouldn’t do those things. She wasn’t quite sure what she would do–probably freeze for too long and run away. It’s hard imagining those things. There were so many possibilities. Positive and negative. If Kaz had knocked on her door right at that moment, would she slam the door in his face or would she let him apologize and recite a speech? She hoped it to be the former, knowing that if Kaz apologized she’d forgive him with no hesitation.

Disha knocked on her door, yelling, “Y/N! Wake up and help me make breakfast. You didn’t say the words ‘I promise,’ but that’s what I’m interpreting it as so if you don’t walk out of this room in approximately 3 and a half minutes, you would have broken your promise and the Saints will make sure you don’t end arrive upstairs. See you soon!”

Y/N had only met Inej a couple of times, but the word “saints” was associated with her. Kaz had taken Y/N to the Church of Barter. They found a place to sit on one of the high points and looked out at the city. That was one of her favorite memories. It was just them against Ketterdam. The Bastard of the Barrel and his Beauty of the Barrel.

One thing she loved about Kaz was his compliments. After the tragedy of losing his brother, he gained an aversion to physical touch. And although Y/N was fairly affectionate, she had loved Kaz enough to put those affections away. Of course, Kaz knew this. He always felt guilty for not being able to hug her when she was sad or kiss her tears away. He couldn’t help but think Jesper would be a better fit for her. They were both happy and outgoing people, they would surely shine together. To make up for it, he made sure to compliment her at least once a day.

Her days were never dull when Kaz would walk up to her and remind her of how beautiful she looked that day. Although Kaz was mostly closed off with other people, he had no problem expressing his feelings when he was around her. With someone like Inej, Kaz simply would’ve said, “You look nice.” With Y/N, on the other hand, it would be more detailed. Of course she looks beautiful today Kaz. But the wind also blows her hair back, revealing her full face. Her jewelry that was once covered by her hair now shines brightly due to the sun. She’s everything.

Those were Kaz’s same thoughts. He had been on a heist for a few days, ready to be back in Ketterdam despite it’s history. He was planning on apologizing to Y/N for being so distant, but when he arrived at her apartment, it was mostly empty. The only items that remained had belonged to him.

He knew she wouldn’t have left without a reason. The distance was the only thing he could think of. He had neglected her, he knew that. But there was an upcoming heist that he had to plan for and everyone was stressed out.

He had also gotten quite close with Inej in those moments. Even before that, Inej was one of the only other people Kaz trusted besides Y/N. He would never feel anything romantic towards Inej of course. Though he couldn’t help but think Y/N saw him and Inej together.

It was always Kaz and Y/N. There had never been another girl or even another guy in the picture so he could only imagine the jealousy she would face if encountering him with someone else. She trusts him, though, right? He promised her a lifetime of happiness and he wasn’t going to break that promise.

Months went by with no sign of his Y/N. He spent too much time thinking of what went wrong, how he had wronged her. There were written letters all over his room, ready to be sent. But her location was unknown. He was seriously contemplating travelling the whole world just to find her, to tell her how sorry he is.

Kaz was always at his happiest when he was by her side. It wasn’t something he had realized once she was gone. It had always been like that and he wasn’t ashamed to admit it.

Y/N was an overthinker and it hurt Kaz to know that she was most likely struggling right now. All he wanted to do was apologize. He wasn’t expecting her to forgive him–although it would be nice.

Everything Kaz did was for her. Their future. The journeys they would go on. And he need her to know he was still planning on giving it to her.

So he hosted a meeting with the Crows.

“As most of you know, I hav-had a girlfriend named Y/N. I went to her apartment a few months away to find her gone.” Kaz began.

“She was taken?” Wylan gasped.

“No, all of her stuff was gone. She left. I haven’t seen her since and I want to take time off to try and find her.”

“We’ll go with you,” Nina stated.

“No. Work still needs to be done here. Inej is in charge.” Kaz disclosed.

“I’ll be on the next boat to Novyi Zem tomorrow.” he added.

“But Novyi Zem is enormous.” Jesper snorted.

Kaz glared, “I have to start somewhere.”

The next morning, Kaz packed a bag and headed for the docks. He had it all planned out. Of course, he couldn’t just knock on every door and expect her to be the one opening it. He would ask people if they had seen a girl with Y/N’s attributes. He hoped people would cooperate and give him answers. Ripping someone’s eyes out to make them speak didn’t seem like a bad idea.

He would start at Shriftport and make his way up. This journey wouldn’t be easy. He could possibly spend months trying to find her in this huge country only to go back to Ketterdam to be told she’d been in that damned city the whole time. But she was worth all of his time. She always would be.

His leg began to get worse. He had to take a few days break to relax. But he wouldn’t allow himself to relax too much when he knew she was out there somewhere. Every time he walked through a town, his fear of finding her face on a bulletin board with the word “MISSING” overwhelmed him. She had always told him to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. He found that hard to do when he was so eager to find at least one little thing pointing him in the direction of her. Maybe if he did find a missing poster with her name on it, he could move on.

One morning while in Weddle, he walked to a local bakery to grab himself a pastry for breakfast. It was a small building, only having one table to sit and eat. That table was occupied.

They were both frozen. Kaz had been in Novyi Zem for about 3 months. And here she was. The girl he was looking for.

Y/N was quick to run away, using the back door. Kaz followed, hoping he didn’t look suspicious in his all black attire.

“Y/N! Y/N, please. Wait.” Kaz shouted, limping.

She stopped in front of him.

“Are you ashamed of me?” Y/N whispered.

“Of course not. Why would you think that?”

She was silent for too long.

“Do you think of me when you look at Inej?”

“Y/N, I promise there’s nothing between her and I.” Kaz breathed. He was dreading this moment.

“Don’t lie to me Kaz.”

“I’m not lying. Please give me some time to explain.” Kaz pleaded.

“What if I don’t want to hear-”

“Yes, I neglected you and made you doubt our relationship. It wasn’t supposed to happen but we had an important heist to plan for. One wrong thing could’ve gotten us killed. I had to plan strategically. You know how much of a perfectionist I am. I spend a long time studying the layout of the building and the surrounding buildings. I made plans A-N to assure it would go right. I was wrong for what I did to you. I could’ve taken a few minute out of my day to send you flowers but I didn’t. And I know how much that hurt you. But I’m here and I’m apologizing and I don’t expect you to forgive me but I want you to know you didn’t do anything wrong.”

Kaz finished with a deep sigh.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Y/N whimpered.

“You know I would’ve understood if you had just told me, Kaz. But you didn’t tell me and I laid in my bed in a foreign country wondering what I had done wrong because you didn’t take ten minutes out of your day to just come by and tell me.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” Kaz said.

“I do want to forgive you, Kaz. And I probably already have. But spending so long trying to get over you really messed me up. I am a lot happier now. I’m not saying we can’t try again but we can’t try again right now. I need to know you won’t do that to me again.

“I promised...” he muttered. “That I would give you a future full of love and happiness. And I intend to keep that promise if you’ll let me.”

Y/N hesitated. She had dreamed of this moment everyday. She knew before that Kaz hadn’t cheated. It was just that her heart yearned for him everyday to the point where it began to hurt. That hurt had only begun to heal. Being with Kaz, she knew, would make her heart heal faster. She wanted that future with him. He was the only person she wanted in her future.

Kaz doesn’t break promises.

“Okay,” she whispered.

The two arrived in Ketterdam a few weeks later. It was nice to be back in the grey city. They talked a lot on the boat and Y/N was slowly becoming herself again. Their bond wasn’t something that would ever disappear, no matter how long they spent apart or whether her heart had stayed broken forever. Anyone could see the connection between the two.

She always felt lucky to know Kaz was hers. Of all the people in the world, the fates chose them to be together. She would cherish it for eternity.

“Come on, Beauty of the Barrel. Let’s get you home.” Kaz smiled.

#kaz brekker x fem!reader #kaz brekker x y/n #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker x reader #ketterdam #crooked kingdom #six of crows x reader #six of crows