#tumblr does not spark joy anymore

[nikatyler]

Two things I'm planning

- give up telling y'all about my youtube because it's met with pretty much zero interest 💀

- slow down the queue bc I don't feel like posting here rn but also I don't want to completely disappear

#i mean as soon as i start playing ts3 again #i'll be back on the ts3 discord #but yeah tumblr does not spark joy #i don't feel really supported here anymore #i miss the old simblr #nika rambles

[ronearoundblindly]

Autumn in a blanket burrito on the sofa late night waiting for steve to come back from a mission he sees autumn wrapped like a burrito slight shuffling missing him 🥹

Yeah, so I'm having some real ups and downs lately. Scrolled through a bunch of old asks to spark some joy and creativity, and this one caught my eye. No one's asked about Autumn in almost a year actually. Makes sense, of course, I'd choose a tale from a series buried in the dark of tumblr...but alas, I need this. I need coziness like life didn't fall apart, like life wasn't a huge lie, like any of it mattered. Steve helping a fellow traumatized does that for me 💜. RIGHT--comfort! Here we go. WC 1.8k

Steve Rogers x super soldier!reader

Full-Sized Throw, an Autumn Is Healing short story

Some days, well, some days are bad.

They’re full of memories. They’re full of pain. Most…most are real memories of real pain. Some are unclear.

The compound is quiet while the Team is away. Everyone busies themselves, too flustered to babysit you. It rained all day. You couldn’t go outside, so there’s nothing to do but think.

Was that you or the Soldier? Did the Soldier feel that or did she inflict it? Is this feeling the worst or are more buried?

Real or not, you still feel it.

The pain lingers. It crawls across your skin, and it melts down your spine. It drips like a leaky tap in your brain. Never ending. It just moves. It just hides. But it never leaves.

Loud music in your headphones drowns out the drip-drip, laying down cuts off that sickening flow along your back, and blankets—usually four of them, wound over every inch of your body—stop the vicious and incessant flutter of fear.

Hydra won’t stop. Agents will come for you.

But…what if…

What if Hydra isn’t coming? What if they wrote you off as a lost cause? What if you mean nothing to them now? Is that…worse than being hunted?

The only support—the only family, in a sick way—that you’ve known for decades—however many hours, days, or years of them you were awake—is gone. All gone. Maybe they don’t even want you anymore.

Some memories aren’t as bad. Not every moment was hell.

Not all of the guards scowled at you, not all of them leered, and in the absence of overt hatred, you told yourself they as good as smiled. If the look didn’t instill more fear in you, it was a smile. Had to be. You hardly remembered what those looked like anyway. The absence of bad is good, right?

To you, absence is as-good-as.

You pull your top blanket tighter, wriggling your feet in the direction of your swirled, lowest layer.

Absence was as good as kindness, you think. Absence was as good as freedom.

Hydra is absent. You are free. That’s a kindness. It’s their only kindness—to go away, to be gone.

Their absence makes you feel as good as happy. It’s still raining. You’re still in a room. You still need a ‘minder’ to go anywhere, but that’s not as bad as before because sometimes your ‘minder’ is Steve.

Steve is kind. He’s full of kindness and real comfort. You remember those things. He makes memories of them. He helps on bad days, even in his absence. That’s clear.

Steve’s been gone on a mission for however many hours, days, or years though, so Blankets 2 and 3 anchor your torso and hips to the couch for the long haul, just in case.

Rumor has it the Team comes home today, but that’s what the rumor was yesterday, too. Not that anyone really tells you anything since you aren’t on their team and you aren’t their fighter. You aren’t one of them because only Steve looks at you like you’re bathed in sunshine, always. The rest see shadow and darkness, an absence of light, an absence of trust.

Absence still feels kinder than the alternative: the leering, the scowls, the…memories.

The blankets hold you firm while it’s dark outside the window behind the back cushions. The foot throw is a standard, almost scratchy thing that came with your cell (for safety), the hip throw was an upgrade once you moved to this room, this bed’s comforter wraps your torso, and covering your head, shoulders, and arms is a gift from Steve.

He said it was a trade for all the lovely sachets of lavender you put together for him, for all the herbs you grew to spice foods you’re cooking for the first time, for “all the things we don’t know about.”

It’s the fluffiest and softest of the blankets, and it smells like Steve. You snuggle your whole face into—

The elevator dings out in the hall.

Maybe they’re home. Maybe he’s back.

You hear talking, not whispers but not loud enough to understand. Footsteps come all the way up to your closed door…and then jog away.

Was that Steve? Why’d he go? He always visits.

Fabric thickened legs swing off the couch. You don’t even register the release of pressure from your back or the loss of complete encapsulation as the foot throw unfurls onto the floor. It’s a mad shuffle to the door, a peek at the clock.

2:29 AM

Did he think he’d wake you? Doesn’t he know you don’t sleep well when he’s not at the compound? Wouldn’t he—

Knock knock.

His footsteps were muted by your racing thoughts.

“Rosie?” he whispers. “Rosie, you up?”

You weakly respond, a single syllable that’s enough to have Steve opening the door without waiting.

“Hey, I brought you this—“ he looks up your body, which is not at all visible save for your eyes and forehead “—candy…”

Big blue eyes soften, illuminated by a solitary, warm lamp by the door and harsh slices blazing through the hall.

“…to try,” he finishes. “What are you doing? Are you cold? Rose, you gotta tell someone if it’s uncomfortable.” Steve tosses the candy onto the lamp’s table and crosses straight to you, his arms wrapping you a little tighter. “You don’t have to—“

“Always,” you mumble.

He only calls you ‘Rose’ when he’s disappointed, but you never want to disappoint Steve.

After a gentle rub up and down your back, he pulls away, but only enough to see your face, turning you a little until the light hits, his gaze like the sun. The sun does shine on you whenever he’s there.

“What was that?”

“It’s always uncomfortable,” you elaborate, poking your chin over the fleecy muzzle. “I wouldn’t know what to ask for. I—I don’t know what will fix it.”

He smiles; Steve simply smiles at you sweetly. It looks easy and real, not as if he fights it, not as if it’s painful.

“Well,” he starts carefully, “if it can be fixed, we’ll figure it out. But you don’t have to be in here alone and uncomfortable.”

“I was waiting. I missed you.” Your words are quiet enough to test even super soldier hearing. “I…I like the…”

You glance down as a gesture to your burrito form and shrug.

“Yeah? So this helps? Being hugged in blankets?” Steve immediately pulls you back into his chest, musk-saturated t-shirt covering everything your throws don’t, and it’s like a balm to your wounded psyche.

Your mind calms, and your body releases.

You know he’s real. You know he’s present.

Steve makes the absence of pain shock your insides like a drug.

He stays there, pressing against you lightly, hands splayed over your head and hip, and he just breathes for a long time. In and out.

This could go on for however many hours, days, or years he’s willing to stay, and you’d relish every instant.

Since you know he can understand the garbled words, you say into his chest, “how was the mission?”

A big in, a quick out, Steve sighs, and when you look up, there is no smile. The absence means something different, but with this, you can help.

“I know what you need.”

You toss the fluffy throw around him and squeeze the soft, stretchy fabric tight.

Steve’s hands land on yours, keeping you connected skin-to-skin. His shoulders sag a little.

“But I liked that, too. I liked���“ He chuckles before a different kind of shadow falls over his face. His eyes flatten and shy away from you. “I want the hug. I need it, Rosie.”

He almost seems ashamed, and that just won’t do. Not at all. You can’t have your sunshine dim for lack of—you jump right into his arms and cling.

One tiny snort of amusement is all Steve lets out. He buries his head in the soft fabric between you, sighing deeper the harder you hold him, lacing his arms around your waist, unyielding. He won’t let go. He walks you both slowly over to the couch and sits.

“That bad, huh?” you prompt. “You need some lavender?”

His fingers dig in. He doesn’t say anything. He stays quiet while you maneuver your loosened covers to tuck him further.

Maybe he’d like to talk but not talk?

“Lot of rain today,” you whisper, settling against the shared body heat of two enhanced humans. “I bet the lawn flooded.”

There’s something lovely about your body equaling his. Sure, the average person feels warm and alive, but to you—and you hope to Steve—this is a novelty. You two account for a not-insignificant portion of the supers on Earth who run this warm. It feels like matching puzzle pieces to unlock a prize. You feel comforted by being comforting.

Some days are just like that

Steve finally lifts his weary head. “Made the whole ground smell like a creekside. Wet dirt—“ he spins you both to lay flat “—fresh grass—“ he shimmies to make you relax your weight onto him, your full weight “—open air.”

A long, long out. When you peek above your head, his eyes are closed. Steve looks peaceful as he mutters.

“Took my boots off in my room, they were so muddy. I’ll take you out to check the garden,” he trails off, “tomorrow…”

His hold on you is still tight but not restrictive, so you shift, your arms crossed beneath your chin, watching him as the absence of worry spreads through the room.

You tap his sternum playfully. “You don’t have to be out there alone and uncomfortable either. I’m right here.”

Steve smirks lazily, barely moving. “I know, Rosie.”

He probably doesn’t know; you doubt he can fathom what you would give to make him never feel how you did today. He deserves all the comfort, all the kindness, and all the happiness. You don’t ever want to dim his sunlight with your darkness, but that’s a hard thing to predict.

“We’ll get you some blankets of your own,” you offer softly and begin to lean back down.

“Uh huh,” Steve hums, rolling to the side, pinning you between the couch cushions and his body. “Just have to stay close…to fit two…for now.” He nuzzles in, curling and contouring till it’s perfect. You’re cocooned again by four blankets.

That's clear. That's real. This will be a good memory.

“Yeah,” you nod, smiling into his chest. “Of course. We can do that.”

The steady, slowing, in and out of his breathing lulls you to sleep, a nice deep sleep, for the first time since however long ago he left.

Some days, well, some days are bad, but they don’t have to end that way.

Stick me in a blanket burrito I'm done 💚 💜 Thank you, anon! Sorry you waited or didn't wait a year for this.

@supraveng @1950schick @patzammit @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @yiiiikesmish @ashesofblackroses @spectre-posts @bucky-fricking-barnes-reads @fallinallinmendes @deandreamernp

[Main Masterlist; Light Masterlist; Ko-Fi]

#ro answers #autumn is healing #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers fic #steve rogers fanfic #steve rogers fluff #super soldier!reader #hurt/comfort

[taleswritten]

Plans for the new year

Finish all my asks and drafts FINALLY

turn anon off and keep it off until further notice. headcanon questions can be asked via personal blogs or rp blogs. we're not feeding into the negativity or tolerating it anymore.

ignore all rpc drama and going ons, i literally don't care.

it if it does not spark joy, toss it.

be more picky about who I give my energy too. those who enjoy writing with me and display that will get my full attention.

Write many novella threads as originally intended

have a fun stress free tumblr experience

[braincelle]

memories after death

pairing: soohyuk x fem!reader genre: angst summary: death does not define you. it is the memories that you left behind that does. word count: 478 warning(s): death, mcd, grief, mentions of sickness & disease author’s note: first imagine on tumblr but quite sad. apologies. anyway, hope you enjoy reading this.

Soohyuk always remembered.

He remembered the way she smiled whenever he brought home cookies from the cafe they frequent. He remembered the look of adoration she had on whenever she watched him do amazing things from afar. He remembered her sweet embrace and soft kisses when times were tough. He remembered the way she danced and hopped out of glee when her favorite Kpop group had a concert and he made sure to get tickets. He remembered the warmth of her love and the way she would brighten up his days just by existing.

Soohyuk will always remember.

He will always remember her enthusiasm. He will always remember the way she smiled when they reached the top of a mountain after a long hike. He will always remember how her food tasted and the love that went into each dish. He will always remember the dancing, lots of dancing, to the songs of every genre. He will always remember the joy on her face when he surprised her with the puppy she always wanted to adopt. He will always remember how happy he felt just to have her around even from afar at events and shoots. He will always remember the I love you’s. He will always remember how the spark faded but she still chose him and stuck by his side even as the days grew darker.

Soohyuk wished he could forget.

He wished he could forget the pain she felt when the disease caught her lungs. He wished he could forget the days in the hospital. He wished he could forget how he always prepared himself in case it was time to say goodbye. He wished he could forget the look of hopelessness on her face whenever the doctor said another treatment they tried had failed. He wished he could forget the way she sobbed her heart out thinking no one was listening while he was just outside the door.

Soohyuk’s memories of her replayed in his mind when he visited her grave. 

He giggled at the happy ones and frowned at the sad ones. He held onto the teddy bear he brought for her the way he would have held her if she was present. Tight and gentle all at the same time. As he looked at the gravestone that bore her name, he could not help but wonder about the what-ifs and what-nots. He wondered about the things beyond his control and how things would have been different if he had prevented them from happening. He sighed and tried his best to accept whatever it was that fate threw their way. It had been the worst year of his life. But, somehow, he still felt grateful. A sense of renewed peace washed over him as he walked away. She may not be by his side anymore, but he knew he will never be alone.

#soohyuk imagines #lee soohyuk #angst #soohyuk angst #sad first post #sad imagines #death #grief #grief/mourning #memories

[kokopiky]

Since all I can do is post here on Tumblr, I'll go through a little thing I'm gonna do to my switch collection.

I'll be doing a thing called " does this game still spark joy" basically I'll be playing every physical game I got and see if it still keeps me interested or not. I'll do a digital version later. Basically I'll be playing every game for an hour unless it bores the shit out of me ? Then I'm no longer interested. Why I'm doing this? It's because I'm trying to lessen my backlog of games but seeing if what I've got in the past 3 years holds my interest to this day, and I'll sell whichever games that don't anymore.

In all it justifies my reason to go to GameStop or just sell them off over the Internet for money or for a game I do want still.

But there are some games that do keep me interested still like Xenoblade Chronicles 1 and 3, Fire Emblem Engage, Nier Automata and some others.

I'll update this as I go tho. I doubt my collection will lessen by much. Hopefully just a small number of games.

#nintendo #nintendo switch #gaming

[shishoku]

I have decided to try bringing back to life the Kiryu fandom, since it seems to be kind of dead everywhere… I’m happy to see a few people still posting things now and then, but I can’t find much content. The tags are mostly dead or it’s all posts about the Yakuza video games. Regardless of how many people care or want to see it, I feel the need to do it (just like the last time 🥹❤️)

I have a lot of stuff to buy that I missed during the past 6 years or so, it will take a while for me to get it… If you know of a community that shares content, let me know, I wasn’t able to find a single thing so far 🫠 I’ll start with all the massive amount of stuff I already have plus the youtube videos XD And I need to buy something that reproduces DVDs for my PC… does anyone use those anymore? 🤣 I feel so old sometimes

Tumblr is not the same anymore unfortunately, but it doesn’t mean we can’t have fun here! I have just about enough free time I think, so why not try to spark that Kiryu joy again?

#kiryu #personal #I cried happy tears watching videos from 2011 last night XD #that is my current level of nostalgia and insanity lol #those videos that were so damn hard to find… so expensive too XD

[novantinuum]

I feel an intense need to ask what "Reconnect" means XP

Ah yes! This WIP is one of my many Steven-in-therapy-or-otherwise-learning-things-about-healing storylines!

The basic gist of it is based on my experience getting therapy homework in one of my sessions, and an infographic I saw on tumblr a few years back. It's focused on Steven eventually discovering some renewed joy in some old hobbies, although I hadn't gotten to that part yet. Here's a snippit from the beginning:

___

The last thing Steven expected when he changed therapists was that this new one would sometimes assign him homework.

Like, really? Unpacking all the deep-rooted traumas of his childhood is hard enough when it’s twice a week in some near-stranger’s office, and now he’s gotta exert his preciously rare mental energy dwelling upon it at home, too? Ugh. He blames himself for this, in the end. Dr. Flowers probably wouldn’t have thought to have passed along this assignment if he hadn’t flapped his stupid lips and mentioned that whole thing about “not really knowing who I‘m supposed to be and what I’m supposed to live for anymore beyond constantly being useful to others” in the first place. No sooner than the second those words had passed from the inaccessible caverns of his mind into audible reality, the woman’s eyes sparked with the glow of realization and she pulled open a filing cabinet beside her desk to shuffle through her extensive collection of printed resources.

“So, unfortunately we’re out of time for today,” she said, passing him a small handful of worksheets with a lot of open blanks on them, “but I think filling some of these out might be of help to you... in beginning to restructure the way you perceive your truest self.”

“I have to do therapy at home now, too?” he apparently blurts out loud, despite swearing up and down that he merely mumbled this sentiment internally, deep within folds of brain matter no living being could ever hope to access.

Dr. Flowers flashes him what he thinks is supposed to be a reassuring smile. “It’s not a requirement, Steven. Nothing about our meetings is. You can fill out all of it, some of it, or none at all. That’s fine. Worksheets like these are merely another tool at your disposal, should you choose to use them. Does that sound okay?”

He genuinely doesn’t remember what he said in response to that, but he does recall exiting her office with his shoulders hunched tight to his neck, feeling a sharp wave of embarrassment washing over his exhausted body. So it probably wasn’t anything good. Unfortunately, he knows full well he’s gained a reputation of getting a bit snippy with people recently— especially when said people try to (at least in his eyes) micromanage his mental un-health. Thus, stars knows what childish thing he blurted out this time. Steven grimaces as he unlocks his car, unable to purge the hazy memory of this interaction from his thoughts. He at least hopes he had the courtesy to apologize.

Despite all his prior balking, he drives the Dondai back to the beach house with a paper clipped stack of worksheets haphazardly tossed into the front passenger seat. The pages have unceremoniously slid off onto the floor by the time he parks on the sand near the porch steps. Good. Serves it right, stupid therapy homework.

He unlocks the front door with a tired sigh, the worksheets dangling within his limp grip. Pearl dutifully sits at the kitchen table, dismally failing in her innocent act of pretending that she hasn’t been waiting for him to return home for the past hour.

#jen rambles #wips #su #su future #steven universe

[xdeusxmachinax]

I posted 1,362 times in 2022

219 posts created (16%)

1,143 posts reblogged (84%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@theoldandnewfirm

@bl00dw1tch

@katanamasako

@goldenokamigirl94

I tagged 68 of my posts in 2022

#apple - 6 posts

#lemon - 2 posts

#nope spoilers - 2 posts

#nope - 2 posts

#this sparks joy - 2 posts

#i love this nerd - 1 post

#why does thsi hour exists - 1 post

#seriously tho i'm okay just - 1 post

#likewise! - 1 post

#spoilers - 1 post

Longest Tag: 125 characters

#not taking part but i'm sitting in my lawn chair sipping a drink and watching the kids run around and play and its delightful

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Hey! I have a shy friend. Please reblog this to help me find artists who would do NSFW Trollhunters commissions!

41 notes - Posted April 26, 2022

#4

qhy do you hate morando?

There's just so little personality to him beyond 'Evil Meanie.'

He and Gunmar kill thier own guys. But when Gunmar does it, it's a loss of Temper, he's out of control, losing it.

When Morando does it, he's just 'haha heeehee you're of no use to me.'

It's not the Morando is BAD I just wish we would've gotten more out of him. I also think its a fucking SIN they wrote him as being responsible for the massacre of Varvatos family instead of DARING to allow the heros parents to be politcally grey. He's not a bad character, he was just written badly.

44 notes - Posted September 25, 2022

#3

Youtube wouldn’t let me upload so here we go. Anyone else remember this meme?

53 notes - Posted April 17, 2022

#2

Russian citizens on tumblr aren’t the enemy.

Putin is the enemy.

Corrupt people in power are the enemy.

You do NOT go into the fandom blogs of people who happen to be Russian and tell them you can’t be friends with them anymore simply because they’re Russian.

The Citizens don’t get a say in this. Or a voice. The people we share fandoms with aren’t to blame for this, and I know. I know it hurts to see Ukraine suffering, I know we feel powerless to help, so we lash out. We lash out at people we see as the enemy because it drives us crazy that we can’t do anything. That the world feels so out of control. 

But Ukraine will prevail. Good will Prevail.

And punishing Russian tumblr-users is just punching down. Russian artists have been cut off from paypal, from accurate news, they’re scared and they aren’t hurting anyone. They’re still our friends. Support Ukraine. Stand with Ukraine!

But do not treat our friends and artists badly because of their nationality. 

73 notes - Posted February 27, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Some of Stricklander’s ‘monstrous’ characteristics that don’t get discussed enough. Thing’s he’s absolutely noticed and might be self-conscious about.

-His mouth is actually just a bit larger than it should be, it goes up too high in the corners when he’s aggressively smiling.

-His arms are longer than average, long limbs are often associated with cryptids and monsters, such as Wendigo, The Rake, ect

-Yellow eyes and slitted pupils. Good guys don’t have snake eyes. ‘yellow’ is not a ‘good’ color. Poetry is not written about yellow eyes. And nothing with pupils like that is seen as decent or honest.

-Fangs. He can’t cover them completely with his lips. They aren’t the elegant incisors of a vampire or incubus, they are tearing, rending teeth of a carnivore.

-Wings. While I’m sure he loves his wings, does he ever with they had a few lines of silken fur, to soften the ruggedness? Does he ever imagine himself in steel-gray feathers, instead of the leathery look of a vulture troll?

Just, all the things we find beautiful. Does he accept them, or do they give him dysphoria, does he recognize the face in the mirror when it isn’t Walter’s?

77 notes - Posted April 16, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

@moonfrost-614-queen-of-darkness @trollhuntersstuff @merc9andazombie-rp @eir-ly-morning-tea @dad-dictatious-galadrigal

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[meetmeatthecoda]

Okay Coda, don't be upset with me because I do believe in lizzington 100%... but I've been seeing some very convincing rederina theories.

The thing is, I think each writer has yanked our (the viewers) attention multiple directions except maybe Bokenkamp. He seems lizzington deep down. Anyway, while rederina could be plausible, I can't reconcile the romantic insinuations and comments from Red and even from Liz......... and Aram, and Ressler, and the knowing and LOUD expressions from Samar with her quiet lips. I think Cooper has had questions and thoughts... as have countless blacklisters.

Help Coda, I'm so confused 😕 I don't even watch the show anymore. I haven't gone past early/mid season 6 if that far.

Also, um, what ya been up to? 🙃 Not to discount your life away from Tumblr and ao3, but I'm excited about reading new content! 😄😁

Hi there, anon!! 😍 Awww, I could never be upset with you, my friend, not to worry!! Besides, I fully understand what it's like to feel conflicted over this show... I think we've definitely all been there!! 🤗 I'm very touched you're coming to me with these feelings & I'm happy to share my thoughts on the topic!! I hope maybe they can bring you a little bit of peace!! Also, I'm going to put them under a read more cause we all know how I get when asked about R*derina 😂 Okay, here we go:

So. These theories & whatnot that you're worried about don't bother me at all because, simply put? The writers lost all credibility when they killed Liz. And, if you ask me, the best part about not watching the show anymore? We don't have to pay attention to what they're doing now! And let's be real, they went off the reservation a long time ago. That's reason enough for me to not consider anything they say or do now to be canon, especially not in the context of the whole story, & especially given that they no longer have the original creator (Bokencamp, who - I agree with you - always seemed team Lizzington to me) or literally half of the original cast. And you're absolutely right, there's so much undeniable proof for - at the very least - a STRONG, STRONG case for Lizzington - I mean, everything you listed, the looks, the comments, the subtext, the filming, the FUCKING PILOT SCRIPT - that to me, the bottom line is: If they can turn their back on their original endgame, then we can turn our backs on the retconned one. And yeah, some people might say that I'm only ignoring the canon that I don't like & doesn't support my ship which is UnTrUe To ThE sHoW or AgAiNsT fAnDoM rULeS or some shit & hey, that may be. But you know what? I'm fine with that. Because it's all fictional media & media is meant for entertainment & escaping from real life. And the best part about escapism in the form of fictional media? If it doesn't spark joy, then you can throw it the fuck out!!! And R*derina don't spark no joy for Coda 🙃🙃🙃 So... fuck 'em, honestly ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ But yeah, my strategy is simply "assume anything that doesn't check out with previous canon is a retcon & therefore inadmissible in the fandom court of shipping laws." I don't know if that helps at all, anon, but I hope it does, especially since you're not watching the show anymore, just like me & many of us surviving Lizzington shippers!! I would simply recommend not worrying about the crap they've spewed past season 8 7 6 3A - even if they try to confirm R*derina in the end - & instead enjoy the Lizzington proof & moments & beauty we were graced with while it lasted. Sometimes straight-up denial & sticking to your beliefs are the way to go 🥲🥲

Other that ^THAT^ lol, I've been quite well, thank you for asking, dear anon!! 🥰 And might I add that I so appreciate your respect for my #real life away from tumblr & AO3 bc - as irritating as it can be - I do have one LOL & it can get busy just like everyone else's, of course, & idk, I just really appreciated the way you worded that, so thank you so much 🥰🥰🥰 To answer your question in unspecific terms, I'm currently starting the process of going back to music school after a pandemic/personal health break to do some post-grad work. But, of course, a musician's life is not an easy one & the process takes time - especially after a break like I've had - so it's slow-going at the moment... But I'm chugging along with it & excited to get back to my passion of making music!! 😊 And, of course, I'm hoping to have more time to write in the coming days as I settle into a hopefully more productive real life routine, & bc I know I will need the stress relief of fic. I'm very excited to get down to work on Halcyon & hopefully bring you new content as soon as possible!! And of course I'm so flattered that you're looking forward to it!! Granted, it will be a while... I have just under 12k so far with just the beginning bits & my outline is only growing... sooo I think it's safe to say this will be my longest, most ambitious fic project to date. But I certainly hope it will be worth the wait - for both you & me!! 😂 Anyway, I think I've blabbed on for long enough, so the only thing left is to thank you so much for your kind & lovely ask!! I hope my response did something to help you feel a little better about things & I promise to have new Lizzington fic out as soon as I can!! Thank you again, sweet anon, & much, much love to you always, my friend!! 😍🥰❤️

#The Blacklist #Lizzington #thoughts #speculation #theories #headcanons #mine #ask #anon #i understand how you feel anon!! #and i hope this helps you a little!! #thank you for being so sweet!! #fic coming soon i hope!! #much love to you!! #❤️❤️❤️

[take0fftheblues]

Confession: this might be a long one but … I’m talking to this man. We have been friends for about 3 years and actually met off of tumblr. We started off talking as friend and then we kind of developed some feelings for him. We had a conversation and kind of decided we we like to see what happens… he ends up getting a bf and we stop talking for some (after talking everyday for since giving him my number).. i made the decision to fade back because I knew I still had feelings for him and it was fair to his relationship. We were still friends from a distance… so fast fwd to this year specifically this spring/summer. We ended up meeting and I assumed I was seeing a friend but ended up sparking something I didn’t know was there.. so we started talking more and back again to everyday out of no where. 4-5 visits later and feelings expressed it seems like we were moving in a direction or just being together and enjoying each other… then booooom from my perspective it seems like we hit a wall and we suddenly have this moments were it’s attitude from each other… i truly do like this person and want to be with this person however I am unhappy and I think it’s wrong for me to say that I am unhappy to him given that we have been acting like lil Chihuahua towards each other. It’s been very sharp tones and actions toward each other. I personally haven’t dated anyone in a while so I am not sure if I am just over thinking and this is me just reading to hard. Or if there is an issue.. I also can say I am a moody person but I also try to regulate my moods and have been working on myself. But I think I might have put my happiness into it and when I get what is probably a normal response I’m taking it personal cause I am sensitive. I have been wanting to see him again and if this trip does not workout or seem later to be awkward I think it might be time to part ways. But I don’t know how to navigate dating

What happened to his other relationship? Did that officially end? If not, then he'll never be fully available to you until he makes himself available. He would have to break that other relationship off, or go the polyamory route.

If he's available, then talk to him. Ask him flat out: "what are we doing?" Why deal with someone if they are intentionally becoming hard to deal with? -- if there's a reason behind all the attitude, then y'all should talk for conflict resolution. Sort that out. If there is no reason for the change in dynamics, then y'all should talk to figure out what both of you are running from/fighting against, and why

Or maybe you two really don't like each other anymore... That happens. Hopefully that's not the case. If you like him, then work on that conflict resolution that I already mentioned.

You've self-reflected enough to know that you be trippin sometimes. Take each situation for what it really is. Sometimes communications can be misinterpreted. Make sure you get clarity and understanding from the messages that are conveyed.

Dating should be about enjoying companionship. Choose joy.

#anon #asks

[softboi97]

Gods I really am pathetic. I stopped working, stopped being responsible for myself almost 3 years ago, and moved back with my parents in an attempt to give myself time to work on my mental health. Things have not improved at all. In fact, I think my mental state is worse than it has ever been before. I'm essentially at a point where I am completely unable to work, go to school, provide for myself in any way, or make meaningful connections. I live my life in black and white. A couple months ago, I was reminded what color felt like, just for it to be snatched away faster than it appeared. I'm left with nothing.

My family says they care, but in my attempts to please them and keep their worries at rest, I've grown to resent them more than I love them. Any true close friends I had have long since drifted away from me, and now I'm stuck with the only people willing to put up with me for longer than 5 minutes at a time. They're nice and all, but nobody gets me. Nobody actually wants me. Nobody appreciates me.

I have no aspirations. I've dreamt of love, but I honestly doubt I'll ever find it. I'm not stable enough to maintain a healthy relationship. To prepare myself for a real connection like that, I'd need to improve myself, but I have no idea how to get better. How am I supposed to deny my nature? How am I supposed to be happy in a world that tries its best to snuff out any spark of joy that arises?

I don't WANT anything. I try to keep myself hopeful and keep my sights on the future. I try to look forward to things. I just don't feel excitement anymore. The closest I get to excited is a mild desire to play a new video game. But with no way to make an income, I'm unable to get my hands on them. So I just sit in my room alone with more broken dreams piling up every day.

So what keeps me from ending it all? I have a cat. Yes, a cat. He is my baby. He is all I truly cherish anymore. The thought of him being confused and sad upon finding my corpse, or when I never come back home, breaks my heart more than the rest of this painful world does. So I stay. I endure it all for him. A small orange thread connecting my soul to this realm. The last thing for me to hold on to.

And here I am, some random, needy Tumblr blog. I made it to explore my interest in gfd. I think maybe since I have absolutely no direction in life, I wanted a mommy domme to take care of me and help steer me in the right direction. But who would want to take care of a hopeless basket case like me? Nobody is going to love me. Nobody is going to care.

Even you, reading this far into a random post that intrigued you for whatever reason. You don't actually care. You might pity me for feeling down on myself. You might wish that you could show me a spark of happiness to give me some hope. But you don't really care. You don't know me. You can scroll right past this, and your life won't change one bit.

How do I know? Because I've posted plenty, I've reblogged plenty, I've interacted with plenty of people. My pinned post practically begs people to reach out to me, and yet here I am with empty DMs. I guess you could call this a cry for help. One more desperate attempt to see if anyone could possibly care.

What's going to happen to this post? Maybe a few of my followers and mutuals will see it. I doubt more than one of them will read the entire thing. Maybe some will relate to the sad beginning because they struggle with depression too. I might get a like or two, but this post will inevitably get swept under the rug, ignored and forgotten. Just another instance of nobody caring enough to even try to help.

I've been so starved of companionship for years now. I haven't had any form of romantic connection in literal years. My best friends all dispersed and have their own lives, and don't have time to stoop back down to my level to try and lift me up with them.

Everyone says it gets better. Everyone says so. So why has it only gotten worse for me? Why has nothing improved in the slightest? Why have I held on to hope for this long? Why won't somebody, anybody, reach out to me and love me?

I believe I was made for a different world. A fantasy world, a sci-fi world, a post apocalyptic world, someplace where my heart's wings could spread out and find freedom. My soul dreams of soaring in the skies, discovering untold secrets, being a hero, being adored. In this reality, things like that are considered nothing but a child's immature dream. A falsehood of wonder that they will lose when they realize what an awful place this world really is.

Somebody prove to me that it isn't all for naught. Show me something that makes me believe that this world might actually have some worth to it. I'm begging you. I'm pleading with any gods listening. Whatever cosmic beings of the universe might grant a poor lost soul his one wish. Give me a sign at least. Show me I haven't been holding on and suffering for nothing. And if it's not going to get better, then please, for the love of everything pure, just end me already. I'm so tired. Tired of trying. Tired of being. Tired of existing. Please.

#unloved #depressed #personality disorders #this world sucks #end me #please just make it stop #help #someone help #please #im so tired #i have no future #i want it to stop #help me

[lumienn]

Aight I'm going on a hny tumblr hiatus, the negativity on the tag is a bit too frustrating. It's a good story with good protagonists. Takahashi was very clear that if there was to be a sequel, it would NOT center Inukag's kid. Idk why so many people suddenly expect that now and are calling the show bad just because Mo isn't the MC. She'll get her arc and her big moment, but the main relationship is between Towa and Setsuna- and the show is developing that pretty well.

idk. I don't want to spend the two-week bit on here with all the whining, so I'll be posting other fandoms in the meantime and let my queue run out of hny posts. My dms are open as always for mutuals and friends, and I'll be more active for hanyo no yashahime on discord. Peace out ✌️

#hanyo no yashahime #hny #tumblr does not spark joy anymore #no #*yeets it away* #aqua goes on hiatus

[artcompilations]

Anything on technology either negative or positive... computer love n connection or alienation or perhaps the voyeurism/exhibitionism of the internet??

hmm, can’t recall if i’ve reblogged any compilations on this - idk if there’s stuff in the web weaving tag on this topic or in my drafts but if there is, i’ll tag it with internet or technology so check back when my brain isn’t just *crickets* 😭

though i’ve compiled some quotes/articles on parts of this topic previously here!! won’t copy and paste everything again so check that one out as a part 1 to this! 

i’m just going to link a couple of things i’ve seen around since, it’s not comprehensive obviously as a) this is such a broad topic b) this is filtered through my own lense on the topic etc (and again. my brain is just ?!?! rn) 

some tumblr posts 

capitalism being the problem, not technology

this one by @abolishhypertext (think they’re deactivated!): link

this one by @seaoflove​: link

which imo segues nicely into this poem (yes ur getting one (1) poem... anyone want to take the reins on this section, feel free aha) 

 Vacation - Wendell Berry: 

some quotes (full disclaimer i haven’t read where these are from, only these snippets!): 

Real time is slower than social-media time, where everything feels urgent. Real time often includes periods of silence, reflection, growth, space, self-forgiveness, processing with loved ones, rest, and responsibility. - adrienne maree brown

“Notice that the Internet and the computers that it serves are actually made of the materials of the earth. They’re largely metals: silicon, glass, copper, gold, and silver – these are the products of demonic artifice. These are the things that the alchemists dreamed of. They transform space and time, they allow us to speak at a distance, and they allow us to wander through libraries thousands of miles distant. They make it so that no fact is too obscure and no person so hidden that you can’t reach them.” - Terence Mckenna

and some articles

self-surveillance in the internet age by Olivia Sudjic, though it’s a much more nuanced discussion than just these quotes, here are some from this article:

The “real” world narrows to fit the picture of us the Internet has, based on fragments of ourselves we’ve shed (often unknowingly) online like trails of dust, dead skin, and hair.

As Marshall McLuhan is often credited with observing: “We become what we behold. We shape our tools and thereafter our tools shape us.”

this ‘reading in the constant age of distraction’ by Mairead Small Staid, particularly the sections quoted in the post:

Loneliness is what the internet and social media claim to alleviate, though they often have the opposite effect. Communion can be hard to find, not because we aren’t occupying the same physical space but because we aren’t occupying the same mental plane. (...) We call this endless, immaterial material a feed, though there’s little sustenance to be found.

also this short story by fonda lee: ‘I (28M) created a deepfake girlfriend and now my parents think we’re getting married’. 

there’s def more stuff out there on the love/connection aspect i haven’t really gotten into here, but hope this is useful to u nevertheless ! and if anyone has made a post on these topics/has anything to add, feel free to pop it into the comments for anon!! 💓

#asks #anon #long post #technology #internet #don't like making long posts but read mores are broken on this blog when i've answered asks in the past.... #so erring on side of caution apologies for clogging the dash! #like literally breaks the post i can't open it anymore lmao @tumblr #the formatting of this ... does not spark joy #(also yes i was lazy and just linked stuff i've reblogged before bc use ur own blog as an archive mood u know! anyway)

[bratprivilege]

.

#Really need to update my blog theme and get that old Harry Potter picture off their #The struggle of desktop Tumblr being an accessibility nightmare and needing someone to edit it for you #But it does not spark joy anymore and I don’t want people to get the wrong idea when they see it…

[spoopy-fish-writes]

Can I ask for Nobunaga and Mitsuhide with a s/o that they thought was dead but she’s alive please 🙏🏼🥺? I’m happy to see someone doing headcanons of Ikesen, I don’t see enough of this... And could you warn me if you receive this message? I never know if Tumblr has sent my messages

—Nobunaga and Mitsuhide thinking that MC is dead

Suitor(s): Nobunaga and Mitsuhide

TW: Death, death of a loved one/ lover, unhealthy coping mechanisms, self blame, self hatred/ loathing, self neglect, intrusive thoughts, mentions/ suggestions of depression

Notes: Female MC || Congratulations, you made me cry

Nobunaga

He feels like his whole world has just stopped

There's no longer any of the light that you brought into his life

None of the joy and stability that came with you

Now just his need to not even continue, but his need to take

With your alleged death comes a fire sparked in his eyes and he fans the flames as he goes and destroys everything in his path

There is none of his humanity left

None of the softness that you managed to bring to the surface anymore as he becomes hell bent on the death and torture of whoever or whatever brought about the end of your life

He's no longer able to listen to reason and even Hideyoshi is unable to see the man that he had managed to make a bond with as vassal and Lord

Just the cold eyes of a man with a goal and nothing to lose, almost reminiscent of the God of war, the man acclaimed to be his one of his largest rivals

His only goal now is unification and nothing will stand in his way to get it

Everything is done in some warped dedication to you as he slowly starts to loose grip of everything that you taught and showed him

What little sanity he has left almost leaves him at the sight of you, alive and well

He is almost tempted to cut you down, almost passing you off as a cruel trick of the light or an attempt to distract him

He almost does but it's your voice that snaps him out of it

Calling his name. His name

So clear and... Alive

So different from the voice that he would hear as his mind played tricks on him

He's disbelieving as he reaches out to hold you, his grip painfully tight as he pulls you towards him, making sure that there's nothing that can take you from him

You were his woman and, by his word, not a soul is allowed to touch you or else face his sword

He can't beat the thought of losing you again and, after seeing his reaction to his loss the first time, no one else wishes it upon him again, your protection becoming even more of a priority than before

The unification of Japan takes on a different reason for him now. to protect you and make sure that no harm comes to you

Not a single being is allowed to hurt you ever again and, anything that does, will face the wrath of a man with the power of almost all of Japan

Mitsuhide

For once, his usual suspicious, teasing grin is nowhere to be seen

He can't physically bring himself to keep up the charade the second that he hears the news

He sends out everyone that he possibly can to find any information on you and whoever or whatever was thought to take you away from him

You'd given him the belief that there was hope for him yet and that he just needed to give it time to blossom. You were his hope. His light and the one that kept him from straying from his humanity and now you were gone

Even Hideyoshi can't bring himself to say anything to him

This wasn't the Mitsuhide that he was familiar with, the Mitsuhide that he knew. The one that would hide everything, the good and the bed, behind a mask. The one that would tease them all relentlessly and everyone knew it

They could see the bags under his eyes and how pale and swallow his already pale face had become and just how little he was taking care of himself, working himself to the bone in an effort to find a way to ruin whoever had ended your life

He looked ready to drop

The day that you come back to him, he thinks that he'd died and that this was his punishment for all of the sins of his life, that he'd be forced to see you, completely out of his reach for all eternity. After all, how would someone like him manage to get into any form of heaven?

His hands shake as he reaches out to you, a wry and almost pitiful smile on his face as he assumes that your image will fade away from his sight the second that he makes contact

But... It doesn't

You're still there

Very much alive, in front of him

He's barely able to stand as he embraces you, hugging you with frail arms from the lack of care he has taken on himself but right enough that you feel the air being pushed from your lungs

Be ready to just not move for the next few hours or maybe even days because he refuses to let you go and he'll be damned if he ever lets you out of his sight again

Tag list: @otome-scribbles @laito---sakamaki @vcl-1807 @shad0cat @rurifangirl @ikerevandotherthings @theblueberryreign @lucyw260 @simplycuriouscourage

If you want to be added or removed from my tag list, dm me, send me an ask off anon or fill out this form

Do not repost, edit or claim. Only reblog 💜

#ikesen nobunaga #ikesen mitsuhide #tw death #tw death of a lover #tw death of a loved one #tw unhealthy coping mechanisms #ikesen #ikemen headcanons #ikemen sengoku #ikesen headcanons #tw self hatred #tw self loathing #tw self neglect #tw intrusive thoughts #spoopswrites

[alicenpai]

CONGRATS YALL WE MADE IT! 2021 was turbulent as heck - in 2019-2020 I felt a bit *yawn* with my art, but I'm starting to enjoy my art direction again!! ToT)/

thanks for supporting me throughout 2021!! and I hope I can draw more of what I'm passionate about in 2022! I want to say, let's not hope for a "better 2022", hope for a 2022 where we are all stronger. under the cut: my art summaries from 2010-2020 + my thoughts summing up the year.

2010-2013

2014-2015. 2015 had some really great improvement & works!! what a year to be proud of if I do say so myself

2017 was a BLAST

2018-2020. at art school 

---

I've been doing digital art for UH. 11 YEARS NOW?!?!?? and it's been a tradition of mine to make an art summary each year, I always look forward to compiling everything, even if the year isn't fruitful. it's still so cool to see everything together.

here are some bullet point takeaways from 2021 🙇‍♂️🙇‍♀️ I posted this on twitter. since there’s no character limit on tumblr, I added some stuff here.

- I was disappointed with my 2019-2020 summaries. I feel like I lost my artistic voice. a LOT of rushed art, trashed drawings. I only saw wasted potential. I struggled to throw anything in my portfolio.

-  For years I unknowingly prioritized making quick "aesthetic art for twitter", when I should have readied my portfolio and passion projects instead. It's hurt my skills, portfolio, productivity - and taken me this entire year to realize and unlearn. Fanart that does well online =/= not necessarily portfolio ready.

- I KNOW I can draw better than that. so I took 2021 to reset, take more breaks, and abandon content that no longer sparked joy... don't want to beat a dead horse ya know?? 💀 I had to re-assess what kind of drawings would make me excited and keep the fire going.

- This may be contentious and blunt LMAO - in the past I was delighted by the attention I got for romantic or ship art in particular, but that was an image I no longer wanted to be expected of me. I no longer wanted to associate with the toxicity that ensued online, and the assumptions others made of artists who drew ship content. I’m not purging it from my artistic repertoire entirely of course! but it won’t be like 50% of my work anymore haha.

- Instead, I wanted to draw more niche fanart and originals, even though that wouldn't get a lot of attention. Unpopular content will disappoint people and that’s just a hill I had to get over.

- Trying to grow my audience this year on twitter was a NIGHTMAREEE and caused me a lot of stress. with every drawing a few new people arrived, but the same number of people would yeet. my follow count stayed the same the whole year! I wondered if my art stagnated or if it was because I was inactive or I should jump back to old fandom. But that’s a self destructive, toxic mindset to have. - so I had to step back and take a breather. I discussed the topic with some friends of mine and the general consensus is that this is more of a problem with twitter or instagram??? I assume it has something to do with the fact that follow counts are visible on those platforms.

- I pushed back my writing my story and characters this whole time, but I've forgotten that was the reason I wanted to pursue art in the first place. It’s been really refreshing to revamp OCs. It makes me feel like I’m in high school learning how to draw for the first time.

- in 2022 I want to go back to basics more and focus on things like depicting fabric & drapery, detail, anatomy & structure, expression & body language. I think a lot of my work lends itself to the "boring" side so I want to improve on conveying mood and a statement with my art. I’m not good at portraying expression or making something like. “visceral”. but I’ll do my best (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و

^ mood going into 2022

-  In 2022 I may be less active. who knows. but I'll try to not worry about things like growing an audience/ unfollows/ my art being non ”aesthetic" HAHA. behind the scenes I'll try my best to work harder and deliver pieces that I can be proud of! and if people like them then that's a bonus!

---

Template credits:  2010: can't rmb LMAO  2011: deviantart.com/dustbunnythump… 2021: I used this template for many yrs bc it's simple, and the allotted space is perfect, not too narrow that you can't see the artwork. お借りしました！ありがとうございます pixiv.net/en/artworks/15…

#art summary #art summary 2021 #my art