#i want it to stop

[thisiswalmart]

I don't want all this pain anymore. I just feel so heavy and it never stops. I want to feel light.

#depression vent #tw depressing thoughts #depressing quotes #grief #sad thoughts #anxious #in pain #heartbreak #ptsd problems #mental abuse #mentally ill #mentally drained #always tired #tired #i'm fucking drained #i want it to stop #i cant take it #hopelessness

[flashbackonyourbehalf]

Today -

It took me five full minutes to get dressed because of physical pain.

I forgot my meds bc I’m a dumbass.

I canvassed my faggy lil heart out with no success.

I got mildly sexually harassed.

I played pretend with a 6 year old while my coworker talked with his mom. (First I was Spiderman, then I was the Hulk.)

I got a lesbian cougar’s number. She’s DTF.

I cried on the phone with my boss. Again.

I told my other coworker how it’s likely that I’ll die in the next few years.

I almost got a migraine from flashing ambulance lights after my coworker had to call 911 for someone.

Someone, anyone, please tell me,

When will it be a normal day?

I’m begging you

#trauma #ptsd #chronic pain #i’m so tired #i want it to stop

[dimonds456]

okay not enough people are talking about this. To everyone that has survived this long, either taking pills, fully healed from, or currently suffering through hyperthyroidism undiagnosed is a fucking hero.

Hyperthyroidism (and it's sister hypothyroidism, which I know less about) is fucking awful.

Your metabolism is completely thrown off. Your heart constantly races. For me, it was at a resting rate of 160 BPM at one point. When running, it was 220. That's enough to give you a heart attack.

Your balance is constantly off, you fall over and wobble nonstop. You physically cannot walk a straight line. In extreme cases, looking up can make you fall over. Yes, looking up could knock you over.

Your eyes stick out of your head uncomfortably so. The muscle behind them swells up, making them stick out. In extreme cases, people have needed to get eye patches, or, for those unlucky, the eyes do come out completely.

Your own fucking throat is attacking you. Like I said, I know less about hypothyroidism, but hyperthyroidism is what happens when your thyroid, located in the front of your neck, goes ballistic. It's incurable naturally and can only be treated with pills.

It's not "clumsiness." It's not being "sensitive." It's a fucking disease that goes after 40% of AFAB people. THAT'S A HUGE CHUNK OF PEOPLE.

My dad got it, too, so it's not just them, either.

Some people have to take pills forever. The lucky ones heal. For some, only radiation can finally kill it before it kills them.

If you're suffering from hyperthyroidism (or it's sister), I am so fucking sorry. My heart goes out to you.

Reblog to let hyperthyroid victims know you see them. You care. You want them to get better. I love each and every one of you.

I hope we will one day heal, in one way or another.

#hyperthyroidism #hypothyroidism #grave's disease #thyroid #disabled #actually disabled #dimond speaks #okay time to get personal #i had it for 6 months before getting diagnosed #my parents ignored me until i looked up to put away a plate in the kitchen and fell over one day #my doctor came in the room and knew instantly what it was because my eyes were so huge #i've been medicated for years and it's still horrible to deal with #i'm still in fear that i'll get a heart attack from exercising too much due to high heart rate #if i don't take my meds i can physically feel it #it sucks #i HATE it #god i hate it #i want it to stop #but because my meds got fucked i might never heal #they might need to kill it with radiation. #yeah. RADIATION. #they're gonna kill it. maybe. one day. but i am seriously considering it. #i hate falling over randomly throughout the day. i hate that i'll be standing still and have to grab someone to steady myself #i hate that one day at school; SPEEDWALKING caused me to see stars #FUCKING SPEEDWALKING #i want it to stop.

[transmechanicus]

“I’ll be fine i just need to uhhhhhhh idk kill” but like…what if i did haha

#my stuff #dear diary and the several thousand mfs who can see it. Despite arguably good academic performance today feels like a bad day #bc i skipped lab to take a nap #and i feel lonely and incapable of connecting more than superficially with my classmates #like i can talk to them and i do and we get along well but i never…hang out w em #or at least not as much as they seem to without me #it’s not a malicious thing i think a huge part of it is groups of ppl living or working in the same space #and i’m in a different lab building than a lot of ppl #idk…struggling to find anything that sparks joy. unable to see the future with optimism #it’s just day after day of Job where i’ll beat myself up on weekends if i don’t do Even More Work #bc that’s the nature of grad school. always homework or literature review to do like i give a shit abt the latter #i don’t care what other people are doing i don’t wanna obsessively comb through journals to make sure i’m doing Brand New Shit #i want it to stop #i don’t want to read anymore. i don’t wanna have to worry about my job outside of work. #i want to cry and scream and #like i don’t wanna quit after i worked so hard to get here #i don’t wanna wuss out #but i’m always tired. i’m never rested or relaxed or truly enjoying myself #why is this only hard for me…how tf is everyone else able to read and remember and understand this much?? #like yeah maybe i should be on adhd meds but those are fuckin spensive and a pain in the ass to get #i’m tired of being tough #i want to curl into a ball and be told it’s going to be okay and that i can rest and have it not be a lie or a half measure

[glitterparpaing]

i’ve been on t for the past 2 weeks and my dudes. my libido is crushing my soul. i would wish for my eyes to be eaten off by crows but my thoughts know no barrier. i see a man and i become a dog. WOOFWOOFWOOFBARKBARKBA

#mine #gay #lgbtq #queer #trans #hehim #someone sedate me idk #all i can think about is men #i want it to stop

[sanguinebats]

I haven't stopped thinking about Danny since he posted that BeReal.

#i want it to stop #or do i

[mysticfemme]

when does it ever stop hurting

#it's been three months and sometimes it feels like my heart is being ripped out fresh #i feel like I'm never going to love someone again the way I loved her #like the thought of dating someone else just feels horrible to me #i want it to stop #please #delete later

[2-kamikou-1]

can nobody see how agonizing this fucking feels

#i get to see everyone around me do things. #i get to see them have friends and be part of things like show choir and theatre and anime club and music extracurriculars #i get to hear stories about hanging out with your friends after school #knowing I get to do none of that. #''oh after school before my dad got off work i went to my friend's house and we got food and played xbox!!“ #cool. I'm not allowed to walk further than the dollar store. I'm not allowed to get a job except at the place where my mom works. #I'm not even allowed friends. #i have one friend that i only see on the weekends. #i have a couple other people sure like the kid i met in kindergarten but he hasn't seen me in years. #how am i ever supposed to make friends if i can't go to school or do /anything/ #because i have to stay in this online program which has enough of its issues in and of itself #because my parents feel like they have a monopoly on my time now that i don't go to school in person anymore. #I'm tired #i want it to stop #i want to stop feeling lonely. #i want to have other friends that i can introduce to my friends and i want to hang out after school and get food and play video games #and do harmless things I'm not supposed to #i wanna go to bed and feel like i lived the day to its fullest instead of feeling like it was just another day wasted #like time is moving forward and I'm not #i know there's no fucking. “highschool experience” like you see in movies. i know that. #but i know damn well it's not supposed to feel like this either.

[anthro-cat]

i hate anxiety

#my head hurts from worrying so much #i want it to stop #i want no thoughts head empty for once in my life #my rambles

[lcrdbyron]

Do you ever feel somebody thinking of you?

#and feeling their emotions? #am I insane? #maybe #I want it to stop #cord cutting perhaps?

[ant-diary]

my left shoulder and neck have been in pain for the last three days and idk why!

#anthill #i want it to stop #sometimes i sleep weird or something #and im sore for a day but three days? #despicable.

[the-old-man-has-the-phonebox]

Rub-roh raggy got too deep into current events and the sudden wave of suicidal ideation hit

#it’s like spilling cold water on yourself #as soon as it happens you just go ‘oh fuck no no no no no’ #am I a bad person for admitting I’m at the end of my rope emotional-bandwidth wise? #the emotional fatigue is real #i can’t do this anymore #I’ve been so strong for so long and I’m finally breaking under all the weight #the weight of internal stuff the weight of family stuff the weight of world news the weight of end stage capitalism #I want it to stop #anyway time for some Xanax :)

[craycraybluejay]

i wna put the razor blade to use again. and i want to have painkillers so i feel less like absolute wet garbage. im so tired. its all too much. i just. want. to feel good. and not think about anything at all really. but isnt that what brought me here in the first place. but its because i failed. i didnt even have the means to be properly braindead happy. what i wouldnt do for a hundred thousand doses of my happiest substance and a very long, dreamless sleep. im so tired. everything hurts. i know i need to snap out of it and keep on keeping on. but how. why even.

#vent #my feelings are too much #loud loud loud #begging me to drop empathy and half the emotional spectrum with it #i cant #i dont trust myself and it only feels sicker in the end #i lost my empathy for a hot minute on a pill and immediately felt a very strong urge to kick a puppy #idk how some ppl do it #i want to smash my head against the wall #over and over just so it might SHUT UP for one fucking second #its so loud #it feels like my insides are itching with weird energy #i want it to stop #how do you make it stop #maybe xanny will help but im running out i should restock asap #dyou guys think itll help #delete later

[virmire]

ok I am actually going insane with this accidentally clicking on ads on the tumblr mobile app

#I want it to stop #pls let it end #.thoughts

[sephfire]

How should I live life like this??

Exist for one more day, day after day after day????

How am I suppossed to do that?

#deprresion #depressiv #burnout #i want to disappear #i want to cry #i want to stop trying #depressing shit #i want to scream #i want to get hit by a truck #i want it to stop #how should i go on?