#training modalities

[fitnessitaliano]

PHUL Workout: Unleash Power - Sculpt Your Physique

Elevate your fitness game and transcend your limits with the PHUL workout – a powerhouse regimen designed for those ready to ascend to new heights of strength and physique mastery. More than just a workout routine, PHUL is a dynamic and comprehensive approach that empowers you to unleash untapped power, construct formidable strength, and sculpt a physique that demands attention and respect. This…

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#bodybuilding #comprehensive fitness #conditioning #exercise routine #fitness journey #fitness tips #hypertrophy #optimal results #phul workout #powerlifting #sculpting physique #strength building #strength training #training modalities #transformational workout #wellness journey. #workout regimen

[floofyfluff]

we're in this phase III trial of this thing that is soooooooo cool and i want to talk about it sooooo bad but 1. no. 2. no one will understand me if i do. 3. no.

but its so wild to watch disease processes go from totally untreatable to like. one time novel solution. in half of a lifetime. like from "not only do we not know why this is happening or how to stop it but i can tell you that you're just going to go blind," to "well if you come in and get this done every x weeks actually you will preserve most of your vision" to "actually maybe we can just do this one procedure and the thing that robbed 25% of your family of the ability to read by age 75 will simply not be a problem for you"

#like for adult seeing people 80% of your sensory input comes from your vision so you can imagine what it's like to be 78 and lose vision #it ages people like you would not fucking believe #and it's absolutely wild to see it come back like cataract surgery is the most fun bc its like 10 min and life altering but alas #not everything is in the front of the eye #and its really amazing to see people go from rapidly aging and cognitively declining to like fully functional and active #just bc they got their vision back #a thing we could not do 20 years ago in this modality at all even a little bit like we still have og patients from THAT original study #the first one and done treatments for neurodegenerative diseases are soooooo close like they are happening i am seeing them #if your appt takes 84 yrs its bc suddenly there were millions of treatable patients and now and exponentially increasing aging/diabetic pop #if you can imagine: this is cliff-shaped curve that is rather difficult to keep up with from the provider-training perspective #so i would also like this to work so we dont have this 4 hour monthly appointment. for everyone involved which includes me who is so tired

[railsistem]

Scotland’s Railway Boosts Power Supply to Support Electrified Rail Network

Scotland’s Railway Boosts Power Supply to Support Electrified Rail Network

Network Rail has announced that work is underway to deliver the next phase of enhancements to the power supply that will support Scotland’s electrified rail network. As part of a 120 million GBP government investment, a new modular feeder station is being installed near Glasgow Central station and a key track section cabinet, which helps regulate the power supply, will be upgraded. The Ferguslie…

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#AC #bi #East Coast Main Line #EC #electri #Electric Trains #Electrification #ELP #era #Glasgow #gr #ICE #Infrastructure #investment #IT #Main line #MAN #Modal Shift #NEC #network #Network Rail #News #NS #Power Supply #Proje #RAI #RID #Scotland #Services #Track

[aiweirdness]

AI versus a giraffe with no spots

On July 31, 2023, a giraffe with no spots was born at Brights Zoo in Tennessee.

Image recognition algorithms are trained on a variety of images from around the internet, and/or on a few standard image datasets. But there likely haven't been any spotless giraffes in their training data, since the last one to be born was probably in 1972 in Tokyo. How do they do when faced with photos of the spotless giraffe?

Here's Multi-Modal In-Context Learning:

And InstructBLIP, which was more eloquent but also added lots of spurious detail.

More examples at AiWeirdness.com

Are these crummy image recognition models? Not unusually so. As far as I can tell with a brief poke around, MMICL and InstructBLIP are modern models (as of Aug 2023), fairly high up on the leaderboards of models answering questions about images. Their demonstration pages (and InstructBLIP's paper) are full of examples of the models providing complete and sensible-looking answers about images.

Then why are they so bad at Giraffe With No Spots?

I can think of three main factors here:

AI does best on images it's seen before. We know AI is good at memorizing stuff; it might even be that some of the images in the examples and benchmarks are in the training datasets these algorithms used. Giraffe With No Spots may be especially difficult not only because the giraffe is unusual, but because it's new to the internet.

AI tends to sand away the unusual. It's trained to answer with the most likely answer to your question, which is not necessarily the most correct answer.

The papers and demonstration sites are showcasing their best work. Whereas I am zeroing in on their worst work, because it's entertaining and because it's a cautionary tale about putting too much faith in AI image recognition.

#neural networks #image recognition #giraffes #instructBLIP #MMICL #giraffe with no spots #i really do wonder if all the hero demo images from the papers were in the training data

[markrosewater]

Maro’s Teaser for Outlaws of Thunder Junction

Before previews for Outlaws of Thunder Junction officially begin, I thought it would be fun to do another of my Duelist-style teasers where I give tiny hints of things to come. Note that I’m only giving you partial information. 

First up, here are some things you can expect: 

• A new batch of five related creature types

• A card capable of returning three different card types from the graveyard to the battlefield

• A mechanic players have been asking us to do for many years gets made as the setting was the perfect place to finally do it

• Dual lands with a land subtype that has never been on dual lands before

• A new modal mechanic that introduces something different to think about

• A card that can swap/exchange control of up to three different card types

• A new creature token that has an ability no creature token has ever had before

• A typal card for Skeletons and Zombies

• Creature tokens in the set: (some might have abilities) 1/1 white Sheep, 1/1 blue Bird, 1/1 black Vampire Rogue, 1/1 red Mercenary, 2/1 green Varmint, 2/2 white Ox, 2/2 white Spirit, 2/2 blue and black Zombie, 3/1 red Dinosaur, 3/3 white Angel, 3/3 green Elk, 4/4 red Scorpion Dragon, X/X green Elemental, */* Blue Ox

• Some of the planes with legendary Villains in this set: Dominaria, Eldraine, Fiora, Innistrad, Ixalan, Kaladesh, Kaldheim, Kamigawa, New Capenna, and Ravnica

Next, here are some rules text that will be showing up on cards: 

• “Then repeat this process X more times.”

• “if it wasn’t cast or no mana was spent to cast it.”

• “Plotting cards from your hand costs {2} less.”

• “You can’t cast this spell during your first, second, or third turns of the game.”

• “That card gains flashback {0}”

• “Target creature becomes a white Rabbit with a base power and toughness 0/1.”

• “When you win that flip, copy that spell.”

• “If a triggered ability of a legendary creature you control triggers, that ability triggers an additional time.”

• “you get that many additional upkeep steps after this phase.”

• “Oxen you control have double strike.”

Here are some creature type lines from the set:

• Creature – Armadillo

• Creature – Shark Rogue

• Creature – Plant Bard

• Creature – Coyote

• Creature – Homarid Mercenary

• Creature – Rhino Brawler

• Creature – Ox Angel

• Creature – Porcupine Mount

• Legendary Creature – Kor Advisor

• Legendary Creature – Giant Scout

Finally, here are some names in the set:

• Claim Jumper

• Form a Posse

• Gold Rush

• Great Train Heist

• High Noon

• Quick Draw

• Reach for the Sky

• Resilient Roadrunner

• Shoot the Sheriff

• This Town Ain’t Big Enough

Tune-in to our official YouTube and Twitch channels on 3/26 to see Oko and the gang in action with new card reveals. In preparation, catch-up on Outlaws of Thunder Junction’s story (https://magic.wizards.com/en/story) to bring yourself into the world.

#Magic The Gathering #MTG #Outlaws of Thunder Junction #WotCStaff

[gglitch1dd]

No Greater Pleasure

Bully Bakugou x FEM!Reader 

Based off this ask: <BULLY BAKUGOU ASK> This post can be seen as second part to "All of His Attention" Another Bully Bakugou fic of mine just with a time jump after all.

Bakugou Katsuki loves nothing more than to torment you, pick on you and down right degrade you. What he didn't expect was you to hit him back. Unbeknownst to you, it doesnt have the effect you wish it did.

Note: bully bakusquad, bully Bakugou Third years. Perverts. All of them. Just being sleazy creeps. Hinted non-con Voyeurism. Small cannon violence. Bullying. Name calling and swearing. Underlying Midoriya x Reader. Reader discretion is advised.

Bakugou Katsuki was one of the most annoying people you’ve ever met.  

And he felt like he had every right to be.  

He was handsome, he was strong, gifted with a great quirk, smart and intelligent. His parents were successful, he was a modal, he could buy or get anything he wanted. Which was probably why he always acted like a spoilt brat at every moment or waking turn. He was annoying, that was sure. With a simple grin that made your skin crawl, he felt as though he was king of the world.  

Especially in third year. With the Hero Course students now famous for saving Japan multiple times, it was no wonder how they all got famous, especially at U.A. With first years and second years crawling all over them just to get a taste of their lives that had picked up thanks to the Hero Commission. Bakugou loved it. He lived for all the attention and glory. All the people screaming his name during practises and training that could be watched, all the gifts and confessions given to him by poor unsuspecting victims that think he actually care.  

None of them do. Or at least none of them in the bakusquad. All the self-entitlement and fame went to their heads and suddenly they became one group you never wanted to come across.  

Sero Hanta, resident smoker, druggie and Capital S, sleaze. With a stupid straight toothed grin and laid back expression he would make you fall into a false sense of understanding and security.  

Talking about false sense of security, Kirishima Eijiro. Bakugou’s best friend and number one person to never go after. With that kind smile and caring eyes all fell victim to him. He was the worst of them all. Made you feel as though he cared, as though you were special, only to crush your heart in the mot painful and innocent way. I mean, who would believe you? Kirishima would never do that? He’s the most manly and true person ever.  

All of them had turned out absolutely horrible in your eyes, but none as bad as Bakugou Katsuki.  

Having a new girlfriend, boyfriend, partner, whatever every other day. Other than a quicky or some new attention, Bakugou was never interested in a serious partner, and it showed in the trail of heartbreaks and ruined partners he left behind him. I mean with a smirk like that, crimson eyes that burned into your soul and a voice that he used to pull you in like a siren, it was no wonder that he could get away with so much.  

I mean, they’re the hero course.  

Bakugou loved all the mayhem he could get away with. If Aizawa wasn’t there, why not have a little fun. Especially if it was tormenting Midoriya’s little group of friends. He never found such pleasure like going back to pick on Midoriya. Although Midoriya had grown a backbone as well as big enough muscle to push back.  

But Bakugou knew there was one person. One person in the whole class he found absolutely delicious. One person that he found no greater pleasure in than to torment.  

And that was you.  

God, did he love to pick on you. Trip you, flip and look up your skirt, pock at, be an absolute disgusting pervert around you. You hated it. And that’s what he lusted over. The anger in your eyes, the hate and rage brewing underneath the surface. You never wanted to stoop to his level, but that’s what made it all so fun. How he could technically do anything he wanted to you and you wouldn’t do a damn thing.  

He got off to it. It made him chub in his pants just to see you squirm as he sneered down at you, throwing another degrading comment at you.  

Until one day... 

“You really fucked up that mission, Y/N.” Bakugou walked over to you, putting his hands on your desk as he looked down at you. His eyeliner making his vermillion eyes only hone onto you more and seem more predatory. “People could have gotten seriously hurt if Kirishima and I weren’t there in time.” He looked over to his redheaded best friend. The giant redhead leaned back against his chair as he watched wordlessly wanting to see how this would go.  

You swallowed down any harsh remark you were going to say. You closed your eyes briefly before looking back up at him. 

God did he love when you looked up at him, down below him.  

“It was my mistake, Bakugou. I just wasn’t paying attention to that street.” You told him truthfully.  

“Clearly.” He scoffed. He leaned down. “But people could die because of you. And that would be on you.” He poked your chest.  

You frowned as you brushed his hand away from you. “Don’t touch me, Bakugou.” 

His smirk grew, exposing a sharp canine. He licked over his teeth as he looked down at you. “What? Can’t handle the brutal honesty, princess?” He asked as poked you again. “Hm? Can’t handle me being honest with you? Does it bother you Y/N?” He got up close and personal to you, not stopping. You tightened your grip on your desk as you tried your best to ignore him. “Hm? Or maybe you get off to it? Maybe you’re a sick freak, huh?” 

Midoriya scowled as he got up to go stop the blond. His green eyes held distaste and murder as he glared at the blond. “Leave them alone, Kacchan.”  

Bakugou ignored the green haired nerd as he moved his mouth to your ear. “It’s okay. I like freaks.” He whispered against your ear. “Almost as much as I love the songs you sing in the shower when you think no ones left.”  

Immediately, without hesitation, you had a hand wrapped around his neck. Bakugou’s eyes shot wide open as you stood up, your eyes dark with a pressing rage that you had kept down for far too long. He glared as you took a step forward, forcing him back against the desk behind him.  

He only looked shocked for a second before he looked at you with half lidded eyes of temptation and lust. He bit his bottom lip as he pressed forward into your hand. “I knew you were kinky Y/N, but God damn. In front of everyone?” He asked making his group of friends chuckle. Kaminari already had his camera rolling on his phone, knowing how much Bakugou loved to rewatch your reactions to him. “I knew you were slut at hea-” 

The words were slapped right out of him as his face turned to the side. His cheek stinging at the impact. Immediately the class went silent. Midoriya froze mid stride to you, his green eyes went wide at what you had done. Kirishima stood up instantly, ready to step in if a brawl happened. As much as he wanted to watch, he prioritised his friend first.  

You looked at Bakugou with angry tears in your eyes with so much disgust that it was almost too much to contain in just your eyes. “You’re a fucking villain, Bakugou Katsuki.” You shot at him with a glare. He looked back at you, his pupil trained on you without a single reaction. “Initially I thought you could have been a great hero, that you could have been something to look up to, but now I know you’re just a bully and a villain.” You let go of him, wiping your hands on your shirt like you had touched something filthy. You sneered at him with an upturned nose. “You’re disgusting.” You turned and left, walking out of class just as Mr Aizawa walked in. 

Midoriya quickly realised that you were leaving and quickly followed you. “Y/N!” He looked to Mr Aizawa who let the green haired hero in training go after you. He raised an eyebrow before looking to Bakugou who stood with a hand to his cheek.  

Kirishima walked over to Bakugou, a hand on his shoulder. “Katsuki, you alright? He asked with a raised eyebrow as he turned the blond to talk to him privately. Bakugou was silent for a moment before looking out the classroom door to see Midoriya talking to you, his hands on you as he looked down at you concerned. Kirishima released a low growl as he looked out the classroom. “That fucking bitch. We can get her Katsuki, just-” 

Bakugou raised a hand, making Kirishima keep quiet. Bakugou tensed his jaw before looking up at Kirishima. He smirked before looking back out at you. He grinned, already having made up his mind. “Fuck, I want her.”  

And Bakugou was sure, that there would be no greater pleasure than to finally have you.  

-Glitch1d

<Katsuki Bakugou Masterlist>

@dragonwarrior97 @wolfunderthethree @iamvioletta @idiotic-anime-lover @karibakugo Because they've asked MONTHS ago for more Bully Bakugou.

#bully bakugo #tw: bullying #bully!bakugou #bakugou x reader #katsuki x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #bakugou katsuki #katsuki x you #bakugou katuski x reader #bakugou x y/n #bakugou x you #bakugou x fem!reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #midoriya x reader #izuku midoriya x reader #yandere bakugo x reader #yandere bakugou #yandere bakusquad #bully bakusquad #bully kirishima #bully kink #bullying

[astrojulia]

How can I use astrology to find an ideal career for me?

Astrology and Career: Discover Your Cosmic Sea to Success

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career [ kuh-reer ] noun an occupation or profession, especially one requiring special training, followed as one's lifework: a person's progress or general course of action through life or through a phase of life, as in some profession or undertaking

We have several details to talk about how astrology can help us find our ideal profession and we use what we have in our power to strengthen ourselves and self-knowledge.

Planets

Career as we saw earlier is not just work and your job, it encompasses many things in your life as it is something that takes many years, so all planets show something related to your career.

Sun: The radiant center of our being, revealing our mission, identity, and values. It guides us towards the areas where we seek recognition and how we can contribute to society.

Moon: Reflecting our emotional desires and commitments, the Moon unveils our preferences for a comfortable and nurturing work environment.

Mercury: The realm of analytical skills and communication, Mercury highlights areas where our rational thinking aids and supports us, making tasks easier and efficient.

Venus: Governing our ability to forge relationships and be adored, Venus unveils our potential to sell products or ideas, how others perceive us, and how we can add value.

Mars: The driving force behind our desires and motivations, Mars indicates where we can find energy, passion, and determination to propel us forward.

Ascendant: The extra personal talent, exclusive to each individual, offers a distinct insight into your inherent abilities and potential.

Elements and Modalities

It can be used for each planet (it won't be so detailed, if you want me to talk about each one, like or reblog to show that you are interested in the subject...), but it is used to see the dominant modality and element in the natal chart.

Earth: Seeking security and practicality, Earth signs are adept at managing and structuring tasks, valuing their products and presenting their true worth.

Water: Emotionally driven, Water signs thrive in environments that foster connection and love, often leading to careers where care and bonding are vital.

Air: Driven by intellectual pursuits and interaction with people, Air signs flourish in professions that require intelligence and daily engagement of their diverse skills.

Fire: The passion and drive of Fire signs lead them towards pioneering roles and highly recognized positions, necessitating dynamic and energetic environments.

Cardinal: Initiators and independent spirits, Cardinal signs embrace challenges and take the lead in manifesting their intentions.

Fixed: Penchant for control and security, Fixed signs passionately pursue their interests and maintain unwavering dedication.

Mutable: Embracing change and creativity, Mutable signs excel in professions that allow flexibility and unconventional approaches.

Now... I know that you want career paths you can work on, but I first showed you how you can understand what are your needs and strengths before giving professions because I think it's more important for you to know your needs than to think "wow, look, my natal chart tells me to be a doctor, I think I'll drop everything to do medicine"

How to know if you do well in this career??

1º Way: Identify the ruling planets of the earth houses: 2nd (work and money), 6th (job and routine), and 10th (career) house. Then, determine which house the ruling planet of this house is in. Next, refer to the list below and check if there's a career you like associated with that house. For example, my 2nd ruling planet is in Taurus, and my Venus is in the 5th. Therefore, I'll explore professions related to LEO/FIFTH HOUSE.

2º Way: Identify the career sign you are most interested in. Find the ruling planet of that sign and see if it corresponds to the 2nd,6th or 10th in your birth chart. For instance, I'm interested in reading tarot cards, so I'll check the position of my Pluto (ruler of the 8th). As it's in my 10th, tarot card reading could be a good career choice for me.

3º Way: Identify the planets that fall in your 2nd, 6th and 10th houses and see directly the professions it represents, knowing that in terms of CAREER, the 10th house is more important. So if I have no planets in the 2nd, Venus in the 6th and none in the 10th, I see the carrers that are represented by Venus.

Signs/Houses

ARIES / FIRST HOUSE- athletics, entrepreneurship, leadership, military, police, firefighter, lifeguards, surgeries, creating something, competitive careers …

TAURUS/ SECOND HOUSE - Plastic arts, dressing rooms, painting, things related to food, finance, massage therapy and well-being, services that involve giving a pleasant experience to others, aesthetics.

GEMINI / THIRD HOUSE - writing, journalism, communication, teaching, advertising, libraries, representatives, assistance, performance, things related to organization, information management, research …

CANCER / FOURTH HOUSE - medicine, nursing, veterinary, work that involves taking care of the home and decoration, so also architecture, work that involves taking care of things, restoration, photography, painting, music, art, crafts, accommodation, doula, public offices , trade in household items, babysitting and professions that involve taking care of children, providing services to people in situations of vulnerability, first sector...

LEO/ FIFTH HOUSE- Leader, work related to the government, work related to money and luxury items, work related to leisure and hospitality, entrepreneurship, social networks, presenters of all media, blogs, theater, dance, music, arts in general , directors of artistic projects, cinema, events, fashion, design …

VIRGO / SIXTH HOUSE - Personal organizer (it is the most virgo job in the world), assistance to someone virtual or in person, secretary, work related to organization and analysis, work related to health such as nursing, medicine, pharmacy, work related to mathematics and to money like accounting, librarian, writing, therapy, informatics …

LIBRA / SEVENTH HOUSE - Advocacy, justice, diplomacy, arts, aesthetics, fashion, architecture focused on decoration and beauty, sales, high quality and refined products, design, work related to people …

SCORPIO / EIGHT HOUSE - psychiatry, medicine, psychology, police, military, research, astrology, works related to people who died as gravediggers and doctors who do autopsy, spirituality and the occult, coach, investments, administration, politics, research in any field. ..

SAGITTARIUS / NINTH HOUSE - Politics, justice, diplomacy, tourism, religion, teaching a higher education course, teaching wisdom, philosophers, careers related to foreign countries, foreign trade, sports, careers involving recreational activities, careers with more playful areas such as theater, dance and circus, astrology.

CAPRICORN / TENTH HOUSE - Management and entrepreneurship, CEO, engineering and areas that use mathematics, construction, land-related jobs and projects for places or businesses, management, jobs that involve preparing something like a director developing a play or a project , producers. . .

AQUARIUS / ELEVENTH HOUSE - Science, astrology, everything related to technology, information technology, social media, TV and radio, politics, social projects, social sciences, social causes and social assistance (very social this sign), projects humanitarian and altruistic, demonstration and mobilization of people, jobs that aim to revolutionize and change society and the way people live their lives …

PISCES/ TWELVE HOUSE - Psychology, music, theater, crafts, spirituality, therapy, holistic therapy, careers that involve helping others and social causes, work related to hospitals, nursing and caring for others, jobs that help people who have some kind of neurological imbalance or older people or who are on the margins of society in some way.

Planets

Sun: The Sun empowers individuals to take on leadership roles and excel in careers related to the government, money, luxury items, leisure, and hospitality industries. The Sun's radiant energy blesses entrepreneurs, social network influencers, media presenters, bloggers, artists in various forms (theater, dance, music, and arts), directors of artistic projects, cinema, events, and professionals in fashion and design.

Moon: The nurturing influence of Moon shines upon careers in medicine, nursing, veterinary, nutrition, and professions involving home care, decoration, and architecture. Lua's caring nature extends to jobs that involve restoration, photography, painting, music, art, crafts, hosting, doula work, public office, commerce of household goods, nannies, and roles providing services to vulnerable individuals, especially in the first sector, as well as culinary arts and cooking.

Mercury: The intellectual prowess of Mercury guides individuals towards careers in information technology, writing, journalism, communication, teaching, advertising, libraries, and as representatives. Mercury's sharp mind is well-suited for roles as personal organizers, virtual or face-to-face assistants, secretaries, and professionals in the pharmacy sector. Additionally, Mercury's association with mathematics and money makes it relevant in accounting, librarianship, writing, and computing.

Venus: The artistic and harmonious energy of Venus blesses individuals in careers related to plastic arts, fitting rooms, painting, and the culinary arts. Venus finds fulfillment in professions associated with food, finance, massage therapy, well-being, aesthetics, law, justice, diplomacy, fashion, and architecture focused on decoration and beauty. Venus also thrives in sales, dealing with high-quality products, design, and people-related work.

Mars: The bold and assertive influence of Mars directs individuals towards careers in athletics, entrepreneurship, leadership, military, police, firefighting, lifeguarding, surgery, and any field that requires competitive spirit and a drive to create something remarkable. Mars also finds expression in careers related to medicine.

Jupiter: Jupiter's expansive and benevolent energy inspires careers in politics, justice, diplomacy, tourism, religion, higher education, teaching wisdom, and philosophy. Jupiter's connection to foreign trade and astrology adds depth to careers related to these fields.

Saturn: The disciplined and structured influence of Saturn leads individuals towards careers in administration, entrepreneurship, CEO positions, engineering, and areas that involve mathematics. Saturn's expertise in construction and project management makes it valuable in various roles, including those of directors and producers.

Uranus: The innovative and revolutionary spirit of Uranus shines upon careers in science, technology, social media, politics, NGOs, social projects, and humanitarian efforts. Uranus is also influential in social sciences, social causes, and careers that involve social assistance, aiming to transform and uplift society.

Neptune: Neptune's compassionate and spiritual essence guides individuals towards careers in psychology, music, theater, crafts, spirituality, therapy, and holistic therapy. Neptune finds fulfillment in professions that involve helping others and social causes, particularly in healthcare settings. Jobs linked to hospitals, nursing, and care for others resonate with Neptune's healing energy.

Pluto: The transformative and powerful influence of Pluto leads individuals towards careers in psychiatry, medicine, psychology, investigation, astrology, spirituality, occultism, coaching, investment, administration, politics, and scientific research. Pluto's connection to matters of life and death makes it relevant in fields such as gravedigging and forensic medicine, while its association with transformation and marketing adds depth to careers in the marketing industry.

Julia's Special Note

I enjoy helping people, so let me share a unique insight that you won't find anywhere else. Jupiter and Saturn play significant roles in determining our value in both personal and societal contexts. Jupiter represents the value that society places on us, while Saturn signifies the value we place on ourselves in relation to society. In short, these two planets can reveal insights into your salary and financial gains in your profession. The key aspect here is their conjunction. For many years, Jupiter and Saturn have been meeting in earth signs, indicating a strong emphasis on material values, productivity, and tangible outcomes. This means that society has highly valued material success, productivity, and practical skills. However, over the next 200 years, they will conjoin in air signs, signaling a shift in societal values. The focus will move towards knowledge, expertise, teaching abilities, effective communication, and the dissemination of information. In this new era, what garners a good salary today may no longer hold the same value in 200 years. Thus, it won't matter so much what profession you have, but rather, the greatest differentiating factor for achieving good financial gains will be how much you know and specialize in your chosen field, rather than just how much you produce.

(CC) AstroJulia Some Rights Reserved

#astrojulia #astrology #witchblr #astroblr #all about astrology #astro community #astro observations #astrology notes #witch community #astrology community #career #2nd house #6th house #10th house #sun #moon #mercury #venus #mars #jupiter #saturn #neptune #uranus #pluto #natal chart #birth chart #astrology basics

[cosmereplay]

Kaladin Didn’t Invent Therapy (And Why That’s Actually Great)

“...You need someone to talk to, Noril, when the darkness is strong. Someone to remind you the world hasn’t always been this way; that it won’t always be this way.” “How do you … know this?” Noril asked. “I’ve felt it,” Kaladin said. “Feel it most days.” - Rhythm of War, Ch. 25 Devotary of Mercy

I’m writing as someone with a background in psychotherapy and peer support, and I'm bursting with excitement about one of my favourite topics. You can imagine why I love Kaladin’s arc in Rhythm of War so much! I actually yelled out loud when I read some of these parts the first time.

I’ve seen people online saying and making jokes that Kaladin invents therapy, and while that could eventually be true, what Kaladin actually invented in RoW is mental health peer support. Psychotherapy as most people would understand it simply doesn’t exist yet on Roshar. However, peer support is a legitimate modality for healing on its own merits. Even more importantly for the story, peer support is something Kaladin would personally really benefit from, and it fits his narrative arc way better than therapy would.

1. Therapy as we know it won’t exist for a while yet.

“We need to study their responses, use an empirical approach to treatment instead of just assuming someone who has suffered mental trauma is permanently broken.” - Rhythm of War, Ch. 25 Devotary of Mercy “Someone needs to talk to them, try different treatments, see what they think works. What actually helps.” - Rhythm of War, Ch. 25 Devotary of Mercy

Obviously, Kaladin has not been educated in battle shock or melancholia or any other diagnosis. In Alethkar there's hardly any knowledge to be had on the subject. Even now in real life, research into effective interventions for various diagnoses is still ongoing, over 100 years after modern therapy was founded.

Building an empirical knowledge base* will take time, not to mention the years it will take to train new therapists across Roshar in how to provide interventions specific to various issues. Therapy as we know it today generally includes time in mentorship with another therapist, so in a way, the first therapist isn't a therapist. 😅 In the meantime, there are people who need help today, including Kaladin.

Peer support can fill that gap because its knowledge base is different. Peers bring their expertise, which is their years of trial and error, successes and failures - their lived experience. Peer facilitators need to know the basics of managing a group, and they have to be willing to share their own experiences and learn from the group. Thus, training peer leaders is relatively quick, and incredibly scalable and adaptable across cultures and many issues/diagnoses.

2. Peer Support is a distinct path to recovery that doesn’t require an expert in therapy.

Kaladin located six men in the sanitarium with similar symptoms. He released them and got them working to support each other. He developed a plan, and showed them how to share in ways that would help...Today they sat in seats on the balcony outside his clinic. Warmed by mugs of tea, they talked. About their lives. The people they’d lost. The darkness. - Rhythm of War, Ch. 33 Understanding “While you can’t force it, having someone to talk to usually helps. You should be letting him meet with others who feel like he does.” - Rhythm of War, Ch. 25, Devotary of Mercy

Kaladin is already positioning himself to align with the values of peer support. Some of these values overlap with therapy, such as dignity, respect, inclusion, hope, and trust. What makes peer support different is a particular emphasis on equal relationships, self-determination, and personal growth (Peer Support Canada, 2022).

In peer support, the group facilitator is not considered an authority like a therapist would be. A peer leader may be further on the road to recovery, but they may not be. They are expected to listen and grow just like any other group member.

Because the leader of the group is also a learner, peer support groups tend to be more collaborative and open-ended. Everyone in the group has something they can take out of it and something to give. Everyone in the group is responsible for managing their own self care, and everyone in the group is responsible for the direction of their own growth. This is different from most therapy groups, which often have a specific focus or goal that the therapist is responsible for implementing. And speaking of responsibility...

3. Peer Support Fits Kaladin’s Narrative Arc Better than Therapy

At his father’s recommendation—then insistence—Kaladin took it slowly, confining his initial efforts to men who shared similar symptoms. Battle fatigue, nightmares, persistent melancholy, suicidal tendencies. -Rhythm of War, Ch. 33 Understanding …he’d learned—these last few months—that his battle shock could take many forms. He was getting to where he could confront it. -Rhythm of War, Ch. 39 Invasion

I think everyone can agree that Kaladin needs to participate in therapy just as much as the other battle-shocked men he finds in the Devotary of Mercy.

However, in therapy, the focus is solely on the needs of the clients. A therapist should not be distracted by their own issues (when this happens, it’s called countertransference). Further, therapy is generally framed such that the therapist is the only expert in the room, which means therapists have a higher level of responsibility for how the clients are doing (which varies depending on the issue, the therapy modality, and the circumstances).

In his own recovery, Kaladin is working on trying to take less responsibility for others, so setting him up as a therapeutic authority could be harmful for him. In a position of authority, he might be tempted to replicate the hierarchical structure he was in before (which would impede his own growth), or try to save everyone (which could impede everyone's growth). He simply doesn’t have the mentorship or knowledge base he'd need to work through those issues before leading as an expert.

In contrast, the point of peer support is the mutual sharing of lived experience. The group facilitator is expected to share their own struggles (as a model of recovery), and allow others to support them. In the context of a more balanced power dynamic, Kaladin can give the other group members the space they need to grow, and he can pursue his own recovery without feeling like he’s letting others down. Also, he will be able to leave the group during KOWT without worrying that the group won't be able to run without him. Everyone in the group carries some responsibility for each other, so group members can come and go with less stress than a change in therapist would cause in group therapy.

This is the beauty of peer support. It can happen anywhere people with similar experiences get together. No formal education is required. What is required is a willingness to know yourself as well as you can; to share your experiences; to listen to others tell their stories; to question your own assumptions as you learn how others handle things differently; to look out for each other's safety; to care.

Peer support creates a place of belonging and a community repository of shared wisdom. Kaladin almost had it on Bridge Four, but his position of authority wouldn’t allow him to grow the way he needed. Peer support is what Kaladin needs - he needs a place where he can take off his armour among people who get it because they're struggling with similar issues, and without having a position of responsibility over them. When he (eventually**) attends the groups, they help him grow!

Anyway, that's why Kaladin didn’t invent therapy, and why I think that's great.

For the men chatting together softly, the change was in being shown sunlight again. In being reminded that the darkness did pass. But perhaps most important, the change was in not merely knowing that you weren’t alone—but in feeling it. Realizing that no matter how isolated you thought you were, no matter how often your brain told you terrible things, there were others who understood. - Rhythm of War, Ch. 33 Understanding

---

*Funny enough, empirical research could lead Rosharan researchers right back to peer support. Empirical research on Earth has shown that modern therapy and peer support have similar levels of effectiveness (for example, for depression and PTSD).

**Look who’s resisting attending the groups he founded…KALADIN!! (shakes fist in the general direction of the sky) (This is the most relatable passage for me in this whole book, by the way, helper types unite lmao):

Kaladin looked down at the table. Had it? Had talking to Noril helped? “He’s been avoiding joining in,” Teft said. “I haven’t,” Kaladin snapped. “I’ve been busy.” Teft gave him a flat stare. Storming sergeants. They always heard the things you weren’t saying. - Rhythm of War, Ch. 38 Rhythm of the Terrors

Peer Support Canada. (2022). Peer Support Core Values. Accessed from https://peersupportcanada.ca/ Jun 27, 2022.

#I shared this on reddit a while ago but it got archived so here #enjoy #this is not an april fools thing this is just bad timing on my part #kaladin stormblessed #rhythm of war #row spoilers #kaladin didn't invent therapy #peer support #stormlight archive #the stormlight archive #stormlight essay #stormlight meta #god i love kaladin so much

[tsaomengde]

The Ones Who Found The City

Ursula K. LeGuin's "The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas" is a classic short story, and obviously I knew of it, but I'd never actually read it until recently. Well, I finally got around to it, and as many timeless classics do, it got stuck in my brain. This story is my - response? homage? sequel? pale imitation? - to it. I suggest you go and read "The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas" if you haven't. Not because it's actually required reading for this story - I think it stands on its own more or less okay - but because it is a classic for a reason.

---

Initially, no one is quite certain of what they’ve found when the Animus breaches the next manifold layer.  This is in and of itself expected, of course.  Exploring psychspace is by its very nature an unpredictable venture.  Each of the various infinite layers is unique and bizarre in its own way, reflecting the archetypal underpinnings of an entire species present, past, or future across an infinitude of possible realities.  The crew of the Animus, therefore, has seen things so utterly alien and inexplicable that only the rigors of their training and the care put into their psychic warding saved them from insanity.

It is somewhat disappointing, then, to find that this sub-domain is just a city.  Definitely not Terranic, certainly not, but still following the Terranic modality, with no more than a seven-degree quantum drift.

“Towers,” Thromby says into the recorder as they sit at their post at the nose of the Animus’s command center.  “Following the standard skyscrape pattern.  Unclear if they’re domiciles or business centers or both.  Coastal city, bay appears to be oceanic rather than lake.  Pleasing blend of urbanization with natural setting.”  They glance at Vigil.  “Anything on the lifescope?”

Vigil shakes his head.  “Nothing.  It’s empty.  Totally empty.”

“That’s odd,” Katrina speaks up from the helm.  “The city doesn’t show signs of decay or reclamation by nature.”

“Entropy may not work in the usual way in this sub-domain,” Teasha reminds her.  “The city itself could be the natural growth, reclaiming the artificial countryside.  We’ve seen things like that before.”

Thromby feels Katrina’s unconscious bristling at the subtle reminder that she is the newest member of the crew and thus less experienced in the vagaries of psychspace than everyone else.  Next to Vigil, who is only nineteen, she is also the youngest.  “I would expect,” Katrina says, her voice cool, “that in a sub-domain so obviously based on human archetypes, entropy and nature-versus-civilization tropes would function more or less as usual.”

“I’m certain you would,” Teasha replies, her voice equally cool.  “When you’ve been at this as long as me and Thromby, you’ll learn better.”

“Enough of that,” Thromby says before Katrina can reply.  They love Teasha, but she tends to be too harsh on new crewmembers.  A defense mechanism, they know, to insulate her from the all-too-common pain of losing them.  But Katrina has too much to prove.  The clash is natural and to be expected, and even useful at times, but now is not one of them.  “Vigil, get me readings on atmosphere, microbiome, and psychic radiation, if any.  Katrina, pick a spot on the coast and bring us down there.  I want to see if the ocean is actually an ocean or a liminality representation.  Teasha, get the Animus tuning to this sub-domain’s resonance frequency.  I don’t want any dissociation issues.”

The orders are mostly unnecessary, since everyone already knows what they’re about, but they serve their intended purpose, which is to re-focus everyone on the task at hand and redirect their nervous energies, particularly Katrina’s.  Thromby still isn’t sure she’s going to make the cut after this expedition is over, but there’s potential there.  They would be foolish to ignore someone with Katrina’s strength of identity grounding. 

There are plenty of sub-domains out there where it’s useful to be entirely certain of who you are, and not everyone can be.

---

The first day’s worth of exploration yields more questions than answers, which is normal and expected.  Thromby is indeed certain that Katrina’s initial assumption that this is a human-archetypal sub-domain is correct.  Human atmosphere, human shadow- and ontological concepts, Terranic fish in the very-real ocean.  But the iconography is sparse and mostly nonsensical.  It’s clear that the city was able to actually function as a city, but it feels purposeful, designed, in a way that actual cities outside psychspace rarely do.

“It’s a metaphor,” Vigil says as they sit around a campfire on the beach after the first day.

“Well, obviously,” Katrina agrees, and Vigil lights up – both visibly and psychically – at her concordance.  Thromby knows Vigil has been nursing burgeoning feelings for Katrina since she joined them, and has so far seen no need to make anything of it.  “But a metaphor for what?”

“We don’t have enough data,” Vigil replies.  “But I’m certain of it.  We just need to keep exploring.”

Thromby takes a bite of the fish they’ve been roasting over the fire.  It’s a pleasant change of pace to be able to eat something real, instead of the platonic nourishment suggestions dispensed by the Animus.  “Agreed.  I’m curious to see what the point of this place was.  We have five more days before we have to resurface and the expedition has been quite successful already.  I think we can spare the time.  Teasha?”

Taking a bite of her own fish, Teasha purses her lips as she chews.  “I concur, but I’m uneasy.”

Teasha is their psychometry specialist, so this makes all of them sit up a little straighter.  “Are we in danger?” Katrina asks.

“Of course we’re in danger, we’re in psychspace.  But in this particular sub-domain?  Metaphorical danger, as Vigil says.  Ideological or memetic patterning rather than physical.”

Thromby nods.  “I suspected that might be the axis of it, here.  We will need to split up to cover the necessary ground in the time we have left, so everyone stays in contact while exploring.  Mechanical and psychic.  No exceptions.”

None of them are particularly happy with this pronouncement, but they see the wisdom of it.  It’s distracting and somewhat draining to keep a four-way psychic connection going, especially over distance, but their implanted transceivers sometimes don’t function properly, depending on the sub-domain.  Electromagnetism and causality both seem to be standard here, but such things have been known to change in an instant depending on whether the sub-domain is actively malicious or not.

Thromby doesn’t feel any such malice here, though.  That doesn’t mean it isn’t present; such things are often quite good at hiding themselves.  But they’ve been exploring psychspace for seventy-eight years subjective.  They’ve learned to trust their instincts.

---

Two more days of exploration are frustratingly unrevealing.  The city is the size of a proper metropolis, and they know it will be impossible to actually explore any significant percentage of it in only a few days, but Thromby is still irritated by their lack of progress.  They find evidence of cultural signifiers, rituals, and traditions, but again, the iconography is vague and appears opaque to standard Jungian-Jingweian analysis.

Teasha spends the two days on a different investigative track than the rest of them.  “Psychometrically speaking the city is remarkably healthy,” she said on the morning of their second day.  “Most locations, metaphorical or otherwise, bear the echoes of trauma or strife, but this place seems to have been almost entirely peaceful.  Totally voluntary anarcho-communism or ordnung-socialism, perhaps, without the usual markers of systemic violence inherent to capitalistic or fascistic systems.  But there’s a thread somewhere that I keep detecting the edges of.”

“A thread of what?” Thromby asked.

“Pain, of course.”

It is on the evening of their third day in the city that Teasha calls them to her.  She uses their transceiver link rather than a psychic summons.  “To avoid contamination,” she explains.  “I’ve found the source of the thread.  Double your usual wardings and enter seclusive patterning before you come inside.”

Thromby does so, of course, though they dislike cutting themselves off from their extrasensory perception.  It feels like trying to see with only one eye.  When they arrive at Teasha’s location, however, they immediately understand why she insisted on it.  The possibility of psychic contamination here is very high.

“What is this?” Katrina asks, holding her nose in disgust.

“The point of the metaphor, of course,” Teasha replies.  She indicates the filthy cellar in which they’ve found themselves, the only part of the city so far that has seemed actively decrepit.  “I guarantee you that even if we spent the rest of our lives exploring this city we would find only this one place showing any signs of entropy.”

The cellar stinks of excrement, a combination of ammonia and fetid shit, despite the physical processes creating such smells having terminated long ago.  The floor is dirt.  There are no windows.  In one corner there are two mops, their heads stiff with drying waste, and a bucket, the metal bands around its circumference orange with rust.

“They concentrated all of the city’s entropy into a single space?” Vigil asks.

“Not entropy,” Teasha tells him.  “Cruelty.”

Katrina gapes, her hand falling away from her nose for a moment.  “Come again?”

“Something lived here,” Teasha explains to her.  “Or, more precisely, was forced to live here.  It functioned as a psychic magnet, of sorts.  The functioning of the city relied entirely upon its imprisonment and use as a scapegoat.”

“What was it?” Vigil asks.

“One of the innocence-sacrifice archetypes.  An animal or a child.  I suspect a child; an animal can feel pain and misery, certainly, but it doesn’t conceive of injustice in the same way a child does.”

Thromby feels their stomach turn a little.  “Ah.  I see.”

“See what?” Katrina demands.

“The point of the metaphor indeed,” Thromby replies.  “This entire city and all its inhabitants, predicated on the suffering on a child.  It’s a morality construct, and a good one, too.”

“A good one?” Vigil asks.  “It’s grotesque.”

“Your deontological leanings are showing,” Katrina tells him.  “From a utilitarian perspective it’s perfect.  Nothing exists without imposing an energy burden on the system in which it exists.  Even the nourishment suggestions the Animus feeds us in liminal space between manifolds is distilled from universal krill.  But this?  The concentration of all of a society’s utility burden onto a single individual.  The ultimate maximization principle.”

“And your teleological leanings are showing,” Teasha sniffs.  “You’re missing the point of the metaphor entirely, Katrina.  It isn’t about utility.  It’s about cruelty.  The cruelty is the point.”

Katrina’s nostrils flare and Thromby cuts in before she can start really arguing.  “Enough,” they say.  “A conflict here in this space could be dangerous.  We’re at the focus of the sub-domain and things have a way of rippling.  We’ve discovered the point of the metaphor, so we can go back to the Animus and leave in the morning.”

Both Katrina and Teasha look ready to argue the point with them, but then they master themselves and both nod.

“Do we have to wait until morning?” Vigil asks, looking around the cellar in transparent disgust.  “I would prefer to leave sooner rather than later.”

“You know the rules,” Thromby replies.  “We don’t transit without everyone being rested.  A tired mind is a vulnerable mind.”

Reluctantly, Vigil nods, too.  The four of them walk away from the cellar, their thoughts opaque to one another.

---

Thromby is jolted out of sleep by Teasha screaming.

They sit bolt upright and look down at Teasha in the bed next to them.  She is clutching at her head, shaking, writhing beneath the sheets.  “Teasha!” Thromby snaps.  “Focus!  Center yourself!”  They grab her by the wrists and pry her hands from her face; her nails are leaving bloody marks in her skin.

“Too much, it’s too much!” she shrieks.  “I’m lost!”

Thromby forces their way into her mind.  She previously gave them her consent for this, knowing that it might be necessary in a moment like this one.  What they see there –

“Aquinas,” they say aloud.  The implants in Teasha’s cochlear nerves pick up on the trigger word and activate, sending the kill-signal to other implants deeper within her brain.  She stops screaming and slumps, unconscious, temporarily brain-dead.  When Thromby says the word again she will be switched back on, but for the moment she is safe from the psychic contamination that was attacking her along her psychometric vector.

Which, of course, means that Thromby has to deal with this issue alone.

They dress quickly and exit the Animus into a beautiful summer day.  Pennants and banners wave atop the rigging of ships in the harbor, bells sound from the city, and people, so many people, cavort and revel on the beach, in the waves, in the streets.  There is laughter, merriment, the intoxicating psychic swell of happiness and excitement.  Thromby threads their way through the crowds in the streets – mothers carrying their infants, children running through the streets in elaborate games of some variation of Terran tag, huge parades of horse-drawn carts with animalistic balloon totems floating in the air above them.  Vendors call out to Thromby, offering delicious food, intricately made jewelry, amazing clockwork-mechanical toys, sensory-enhancing drugs, and a thousand other variegated temptations.  Street musicians play upon cunningly crafted instruments – strings, pipes, percussion, keys – and revelers cavort to the tunes.

Thromby can feel the bright sparks of all of these people in their mind.  These are real, thinking, feeling beings.  They belong to the metaphor, certainly, but Thromby could speak to them, touch them, verify their self-consciousness and interiority, even invite them to come and join them onboard the Animus and explore psychspace.  They could bring them up into the real, return home with them, have a life with them.  That is how it has to be, of course.  Thromby knows they themself may belong to a different metaphor of a different order, after all.  The real is only real because enough people agree it is.

But they do none of these things.  They just walk, stolidly, back to where they know they have to go.

Katrina is waiting for them outside the cellar, barring the way in.  Thromby has their wards up at triple strength and has been in seclusive patterning since before leaving the Animus, but they don’t need to be psychic to read her mind.  Everything she is feeling and thinking is there in plain sight – the proud and defiant way her chin is thrust out, the blaze in her eyes, the way she has her arms crossed and feet at shoulder width.  She is ready to fight.

“Let me through,” Thromby says without preamble.

“No.”

Well, that’s their respective positions, Thromby thinks, articulated clearly and easily enough.  “Why not?” they ask.

“Vigil consented.”

“Vigil is in love with you and you know as well as I do that consent is a matter of framing,” Thromby snaps.  “Move.”

“No.  I explained everything to him and he consented.  It has nothing to do with whatever feelings he might have for me.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it, but fine.  For the sake of argument, tell me how you explained it.”

Katrina hesitates, and Thromby can tell she wasn’t expecting them to actually offer her a chance to proselytize.  “The point of the metaphor is that no matter how great and beautiful the society, if it’s predicated on cruelty, it’s unjust,” she says.  “Deontological thinking, obviously, but cruelty is by definition nonconsensual.  I explained to Vigil that if he allowed it, we could collaboratively put blocks in his mind, purposefully regress him to a childlike mental state, and put him in the cellar to suffer for a specific length of time.  Then we can pull him back out, remove the blocks, and even erase the memories of the trauma.  The child-Vigil won’t, can’t, consent, but it also won’t exist for more than a day, and pragmatically speaking never will have.”

Thromby massages their temples.  “Congratulations.  Once again, you have missed the point of the metaphor.”

“Damnit, Thromby, I’m not a child!  I have the same training and grounding in theory that you and Teasha do.  Everything I’m doing is teleologically sound, and Vigil agreed that with the steps we’re taking –”

“You’re trying to outsmart it,” Thromby cuts her off.  “That’s how I know you’ve missed the point.  You can’t outsmart this, Katrina.  There is no perfect set of circumstances you can construct to get around the simple fact that this city functions, exists, because of deliberate and terrible cruelty.  That’s the entire point of it, just like Teasha said.  Teasha, who, by the way, is currently in a coma.  I had to put her into it to keep Vigil’s misery from damaging her.”

“It’s a thought experiment,” she argues, obviously not addressing the point about Teasha because she knows she won’t win that argument.  “There’s always a correct answer for them.  The trolley, the Gettier, the –”

“It’s about fucking sin,” Thromby sighs.

“Are you joking right now?  You’re going back to the religious well?”

“Yes, because that’s what’s happening right now.  The city is a sin, Katrina.  The excesses of its beauty, its wonder, its perfection, are obscene precisely because of how and why they function.  It’s rooted in the ideology of disgust and taint.  Utility, teleology, all of these justifications and rationalizations exist and have their use, but at the end of the day, answer me one question: will you trade places with Vigil?”

Katrina hesitates.

It’s only a bare moment, less than a second, even, but it’s there.  And Thromby sees it, and Katrina sees it.

“Yes,” she says, finally.

“I knew that would be your answer.  But you know that the answer doesn’t really matter, does it?”

Katrina lowers her head.  “No.”

“You know why you hesitated.”

“Yes.”  She looks back up at them.  “But – there’s no such thing as absolute morality, any more than there’s a single objective reality.”

“Of course there isn’t.  And yet, you hesitated.”

They just lock eyes for a few seconds.  Then she lowers her gaze again.  “And yet, I did.”

Thromby steps past her and opens the cellar.

#writing #my writing #story #short story #short stories #creative writing #omelas #the ones who walk away from omelas #ursula k leguin #leguin #science fiction #sci fi #sci-fi

[transgenderer]

Editor's Summary: How do young children learn to associate new words with specific objects or visually represented concepts? This hotly debated question in early language acquisition has been traditionally examined in laboratories, limiting generalizability to real-world settings. Vong et al. investigated the question in an unprecedented, longitudinal manner using head-mounted video recordings from a single child’s first-person experiences in naturalistic settings. By applying machine learning, they introduced the Child’s View for Contrastive Learning (CVCL) model, pairing video frames that co-occurred with uttered words, and embedded the images and words in shared representational spaces. CVCL represents sets of visually similar things from one concept (e.g., puzzles) through distinct subclusters (animal versus alphabet puzzles). It combines associative and representation learning that fills gaps in language acquisition research and theories.

Abstract: Starting around 6 to 9 months of age, children begin acquiring their first words, linking spoken words to their visual counterparts. How much of this knowledge is learnable from sensory input with relatively generic learning mechanisms, and how much requires stronger inductive biases? Using longitudinal head-mounted camera recordings from one child aged 6 to 25 months, we trained a relatively generic neural network on 61 hours of correlated visual-linguistic data streams, learning feature-based representations and cross-modal associations. Our model acquires many word-referent mappings present in the child's everyday experience, enables zero-shot generalization to new visual referents, and aligns its visual and linguistic conceptual systems. These results show how critical aspects of grounded word meaning are learnable through joint representation and associative learning from one child's input.

[nostalgebraist]

Am I right in suspecting that GPT-4 is not nearly as great an advance on GPT-3 as GPT-3 was on GPT-2? It seems a much better product, but that product seems to have as its selling point not vastly improved text-prediction, but multi-modality.

No one outside of OpenAI really knows how much of an advance GPT-4 is, or isn't.

When GPT-3 came out, OpenAI was still a research company, like DeepMind.

Before there was a GPT-3 product, there was a GPT-3 paper. And it was a long, serious, academic-style paper. It described, in a lot of detail, how they created and evaluated the model.

The paper was an act of scientific communication. A report on a new experiment written for a research audience, intended primarily to transmit information to that audience. It wanted to show you what they had done, so you could understand it, even if you weren't there at the time. And it wanted to convince you of various claims about the model's properties.

I don't know if they submitted it to any conferences or journals (IIRC I think they did, but only later on?). But if they did, they could have, and it wouldn't seem out of place in those venues.

Now, OpenAI is fully a product company.

As far as I know, they have entirely stopped releasing academic-style papers. The last major one was the DALLE-2 one, I think. (ChatGPT didn't get one.)

What OpenAI does now is make products. The release yesterday was a product release, not a scientific announcement.

In some cases, as with GPT-4, they may accompany their product releases with things that look superficially like scientific papers.

But the GPT-4 "technical report" is not a serious scientific paper. A cynic might categorize it as "advertising."

More charitably, perhaps it's an honest attempt to communicate as much as possible to the world about their new model, given a new set of internally defined constraints motivated by business and/or AI safety concerns. But if so, those constraints mean they can't really say much at all -- not in a way that meets the ordinary standards of evidence for scientific work.

Their report says, right at the start, that it will contain no information about what the model actually is, besides the stuff that would already be obvious:

GPT-4 is a Transformer-style model [33 ] pre-trained to predict the next token in a document, using both publicly available data (such as internet data) and data licensed from third-party providers. [note that this really only says "we trained on some data, not all of which was public" -nost] The model was then fine-tuned using Reinforcement Learning from Human Feedback (RLHF) [34 ]. Given both the competitive landscape and the safety implications of large-scale models like GPT-4, this report contains no further details about the architecture (including model size), hardware, training compute, dataset construction, training method, or similar.

As Eleuther's Eric Hallahan put it yesterday:

If we read further into the report, we find a number of impressive-looking evaluations.

But they are mostly novel ones, not done before on earlier LMs. The methodology is presented in a spotty and casual manner, clearly not interested in promoting independent reproductions (and possibly even with the intent of discouraging them).

Even the little information that is available in the report is enough to cast serious doubt on the overall trustworthiness of that information. Some of it violates simple common sense:

...and, to the careful independent eye, immediately suggests some very worrying possibilities:

That said -- soon enough, we will be able to interact with this model via an API.

And once that happens, I'm sure independent researchers committed to open source and open information will step in and assess GPT-4 seriously and scientifically -- filling the gap left by OpenAI's increasingly "product-y" communication style.

Just as they've done before. The open source / open information community in this area is very capable, very thoughtful, and very fast. (They're where Stable Diffusion came from, to pick just one well-known example.)

----

When the GPT-3 paper came out, I wrote a post titled "gpt-3: a disappointing paper." I stand by the title, in the specific sense that I meant it, but I was well aware that I was taking a contrarian, almost trollish pose. Most people found the GPT-3 paper far from "disappointing," and I understand why.

But "GPT-4: a disappointing paper" isn't a contrarian pose. It was -- as far as I can see -- the immediate and overwhelming consensus of the ML community.

----

As for the multimodal stuff, uh, time will tell? We can't use it yet, so it's hard to know how good it is.

What they showed off in the live demo felt a lot like what @nostalgebraist-autoresponder has been able to do for years now.

Like, yeah, GPT-4 is better at it, but it's not a fundamentally new advance, it's been possible for a while. And people have done versions of it, eg Flamingo and PaLI and Magma [which Frank uses a version of internally] and CoCa [which I'm planning to use in Frank, once I get a chance to re-tune everything for it].

I do think it's a potentially transformative capability, specifically because it will let the model natively "see" a much larger fraction of the available information on web pages, and thus enable "action transformer" applications a la what Adept is doing.

But again, only time will tell whether these applications are really going to work, and for what, and whether GPT-4 is good enough for that purpose -- and whether you even need it, when other text/image language models are already out there and are being rapidly developed.

#ai tag #gpt-4 #ugh i apparently can't respond to npf asks in the legacy editor :( #the npf/beta editor is still painful to use #it's nice to be able to embed tweets though

[stoat-party]

#star wars #thrawn #ahsoka #ahsoka tano #ezra bridger #luke skywalker #tbobf #the mandalorian #jacen syndulla #boba fett #baylan skoll #shin hati #chopper #c1 10p #sabine wren #grand admiral thrawn #the book of boba fett #din djarin

[railsistem]

Varamis Rail Leases Class 321 Swift Express Freight Train from Eversholt Rail

Varamis Rail Leases Class 321 Swift Express Freight Train from Eversholt Rail

Varamis Rail has signed an agreement to lease a Class 321 Swift Express Freight train from Eversholt Rail. Class 321 Swift Express Freight goes into service This will be used to deliver light goods across the UK at speeds of up to 100 miles per hour, with Varamis running services 5 nights a week from Birmingham to Scotland for a major parcel carrier. Paul Sutherland, Client Services Director at…

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#AC #ATO #Battery #bi #Birmingham #EC #electri #EMU #era #Eversholt Rail #Fleet #Freight #Freight Train #gemi #gr #ICE #IT #MAN #Modal Shift #News #NS #ORAT #Passenger Train #RAI #Rail Services #Rolling Stock #RTA #Scotland #Sel #Services

[southernmermaidsgrotto]

Who is the bruja?

About Brujería and Curanderismo in Latin America, and witchcraft from a latine perspective.

You’ll most likely see the term Bruja used in anglophone communities to refer to latine magic practitioners. By that definition, any latin american person who does some kind of magic is, in a way, a bruja/brujo/bruje. This use of the word comes from a place of reclamation of said latine heritage and of our cultural folk magic practices, particularly for hispanic latines. Similarly, you’ll see portuguese-speaking latines using the word bruxa, or bruxaria. 

I can hear you already: But I am a spanish-speaking european! I am also a bruja!... given the context, you’re a witch, not a bruja. Brujería in the broader sense of the word, as is used in any conversation in spanish, can be translated to witchcraft. “Brujería” in the specific “latine magic practitioner” sense doesn’t have an english translation, and thus we keep the word in spanish, to signify that cultural tie to hispanic latin america. So no, in the context of an anglophone discussion of brujería, you’re not a bruja, in the same way that, while speaking a languange derived from latin, europeans are not latino/latine because they’re not from latin america. 

That is, considering the modern use of the word, specially in online spaces. But if you speak to your Elders, you’ll hear something a little different...

People like to ask themselves “am I a born witch?”, and well, traditionally, a bruja is made, not born, and it specifically implies baneful work. 

Old school folks will tell you that not just anyone who practices magic is a bruja, in fact, calling a Faith Healer a “Bruja”, could be taken as a major offense. 

Many elders will make a distinction between dual roles of what we’ll call the Healer, and the Witch, for convenience’s sakes, since the words for naming either vary in each languange and culture. One of the better known examples I can give you is how in spanish, and across latin america, you’ll hear the duality between the Curandera and the Bruja. 

The Curandera Heals, the Bruja Bewitches.

While the Healer is born, with a set of gifts or dones that are necessary to fulfill a role assigned at birth (or even before so), to serve their community. A Witch is made, by their own choice, in a personal quest for power and knowledge, and thus doesn’t act in favor of their community necessarily, instead, acts seeking their own benefit first, sometimes... in detriment of the community.

There’s nothing wrong with keeping our best interests in mind! In fact, a true Healer is taught to balance left hand and right hand work, one who cannot harm cannot heal, and I always say we must understand the wound and how it was made before we can understand it’s cures, but precisely because of that, the figure of the Witch stands out more. A Healer can do both, heal and harm. While the Witch... not necessarily. A Witch is, oftentimes, only capable to manipulate circumstances (and people) but not heal, and even when good intentioned, it can bring negative repercussions. That is why it has such a negative connotation traditionally, and why most of the older folks, or anyone trained by them, will likely avoid the term.

Note how I’ve been saying Healer or Gifted person instead of Curandera. Because having a don does not by itself make someone a curandera. Since I’ve seen more and more people using the term online, here’s a reminder that being a curandera is not a choice and does not refer to just anyone who practices herbal healing or any other healing modalities, it is a responsibility to the community you’re in. Nobody is born a priest or babalawo, and similarly nobody is born a curandera, while they could be gifted from birth, each curanderismo lineage will have their own initiations and traditions to train that person and turn them into a true curandero, and only then, the community will give the title to them, after working for years and earning their respect and love. The term curandera is only appropriate for someone who not only has a higher calling (vetted & confirmed by elders), but specifically someone who’s been properly trained and is already in service of their community.

With that in mind, bruja is definitely the right term for someone who’s just learning and is only doing magic for themselves or close friends and family.

But then... there’s some issue specifically with indigenous and afrolatine practices and descendants. During colonization, the church demonized our beliefs, called our Ancestral practices, Gods and Spirits “satan worship” and thus, our healers were called “brujas”. Hunted and killed specifically because indigenous culture & healing, aswell as african traditional practices, were targeted. That is, we were called “brujas” as part of a cultural genocide. Elders will often stay away from the term bruja not just because it doesn’t reflect their practice, but also because staying away from the words bruja and brujería was, and in some places stil is, simply a survival instinct. Choosing other words to identify, or even not speaking about it at all, along with the syncretism with christianity, were ways to survive that genocide, and pass on as much as possible in whispers and under catholic veils.

It is up to each practitioner to talk to their elders, learn their people’s history, and decide for themselves if they wish to reclaim the word, or if they’ll rather use more culturally-specific terms, or maybe both. I’ve known plenty of healers of many paths who’ll refer to themselves as brujas to outsiders, and will use more specific terms amongst kin (myself included).

While I respect (and support) the reappropriation of the terms bruja and brujería to refer to latine magic, I also believe it is important to know our history with these terms, and out of respect for our ancestors and the old traditions, also learn the proper names of things. Bruja may be a good way to identify for someone who’s just starting out in magic out of their own choice, who’s seeking community and doesn’t quite know their place in the bigger scheme of things, but also someone who, guided by proper elders and community, must dig deeper, and find their home. There’s specific names, even just in spanish, for different kinds of healers and workers. Are you an oracionista? huesera? yerbera? have you been trained in these practices? Only a skilled elder can identify if you possess any gifts, and teach you how to hone your own skills. And If you’re indigenous, you must take the time to reconnect to your indigenous community, to your own medicine, and learn the proper terms in your indigenous tongue.

My final thoughts: reclaiming brujería is important, but so is learning and respecting our culture & history. We have incredibly rich cultures, and reducing ourselves to just “brujas” is certainly an oversimplification, if not even an attempt from outsiders and appropriators to overgeneralize and commodify our cultural practices that we must fight against. We can appreciate brujería as an umbrella term for everything that unites us, and as a term to make understanding and communication between ourselves easier, while also acknowledging the history of the word, the huge diversity it covers nowadays and giving due respect to each of our corresponding cultures.

Thanks for reading!

#brujería #bruja #brujas of tumblr #witches of color #brujeria #santeria #santería #curanderismo #curandera #traditional witch #traditional witchcraft #folk magic #folk witch #folk witchcraft

[rongzhi]

Just wanted to say I really really really love what you're doing here. When I was just browsing Tumblr back then when I didn't have an account, I'd always gravitate to your posts. Now that I have one, I enjoy seeing your posts. Now I have one question: how can I passively get better at Chinese? I don't have an intention to learn Chinese any time soon however I still want to get better at understanding it, even if it is just basic vocab. Any tips?

If you're a heritage speaker, I would seriously say to just go on Chinese social media/watch dramas/immerse yourself. I'm not a langblr/studyblr and I don't really actively study Chinese but since I had foundational/instinctive understanding of the language, I personally improved really quickly after I started engaging with more content. My listening ability is still far greater than my reading ability but honestly my Chinese literacy used to be practically nonexistent and now I can read ~HSK 5 (idk exactly since again, I don't actively study).

If you don't know any Chinese at all, I don't really know what to say because I feel like it's unlikely you'll magically be able to recognise words beyond the most common forms of address, pronouns, exclamations, modal particles, etc, unless you're a language learning genius. For example, what I mentioned is essentially how much Korean I can understand from years of watching kdramas/variety and just reading subtitles.

Chinese grammar/sentence structure is not the same as in English so if you only know English, you'll have an even harder time at recognising patterns and passively picking up anything I imagine.

Another thing to take into account is that there are four tones in Mandarin Chinese which will give homophones different meanings.

For example, even without reading the characters, listen to the different tones in this post below. Although the focus here is specifically on characters that also have different definitions/tonal readings, if you listen carefully, you can hear that they are read with different tones, which gives them a different meaning immediately and does not sound all that confusing to the trained ear. This is different from, for example, "Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo" which honestly still doesn't make that much sense even if you read it with inflection (imo).

If you don't study or know a bit of Chinese, you might not be able to distinguish tones which might lead you to think you recognise a sound when in fact you've misidentified it.

That said, to try and actually answer your question, I guess I could just reiterate that the best way to get better at passively understanding Chinese is to just watch more subtitled content? That way, you might be able to pick up on patterns.

Of course, the pitfalls of this would be that some subtitled content (even of dramas, such as—notoriously—ones streaming on iQiyi) is not good/leaves out a lot. Also, you'll probably not be able to understand or recognise any regional accents.

Some examples of patterns to look out for:

A sentence that ends in the sound "ne" （呢） or a neutral "ma" (吗）is most likely (but not always!) a question.

A sentence that ends in the neutral sound "ba" (吧）is a suggestion or may indicate a sense of obviousness.

The sound "ta" (他/她/它/TA) is usually referring to someone else "he/she/it/they".

"men" (们；sounds like "min") added after the sound "wo" (我; I), "ni" (你; you), "ta" (他/她/它/TA) makes it plural ("we", "you all", "them"). This is also true for any other person-noun. There is no English equivalent for this character so it is hard to translate in some instances. For example, if someone adds "们" to a noun for comedic effect, like in the phrase "小baby们", this joke can't really be translated. But it sounds funny in Chinese.

"na ge" and "nei ge" (sounds like "nay guh") (那个）means "that".

"zhe ge" and "zhei ge" (sounds like "jay guh")(这个） means “this”. Also the same without the "ge" (个）sound attached.

I also don't always translate forms of address (i.e, honorifics) on my videos, so the most common to remember are:

"xiongdi" (兄弟), pronounced "shyohng-dee", means anything from "brothers", "brother", "bro", or "dude".

"Ge"/"gege" (哥哥) means "older brother" but is also what you would call a man, especially a young man, who's older than you. If the age gap is wider, then you would call them "shushu" (叔叔；uncle) or “yeye"（爷 ; grandpa). The main difference between "gege" and "ge" is that "gege" is a little bit cutesier; kids usually say it, or you would say it to your blood older brother, or you might say it to be flirtatious. There are a lot of nuances to this that I won't get into here or for the following terms.

"jiejie"/“jie" (姐姐) means "older sister" but is also what you would call a woman, especially a young woman, who's older than you. If the age gap is wider, then you would call them "ayi" (阿姨; auntie) . If it's a visibly old woman, then you can call them "nainai" （奶奶；grandma), but it's usually more polite to call a woman "ayi" or better yet "jie"/"jiejie".

"didi"（弟弟) = little brother

"meimei" (妹妹) = little sister

"da-ge" (大哥) = literally "big older brother" but it means more like "boss", as in, of a gang or social circle. You might also see "da-ge" being used ironically among friends.

"shuai-ge" (帅哥) = "handsome guy", "handsome"; a polite form of address for (esp. young) men. "Xiao-ge" (小哥; "little big brother") is also a polite form of address for young men, but it's more of a regional usage (such as in Sichuan).

"xiao-jie" (小姐) and "mei-nv"/“mei-nü” (美女)= lit. "little big sister", "pretty lady"; a polite form of address for women that's pretty much like "miss". "Xiao-jie" also means "prostitute" sometimes but in the context of the videos I translate it's always just like "little miss" or whatever. "Xiao-mei"/"mei-zi" (小妹; "little little sister"; 妹子； "little sister"/"girl") are also forms of address for young women but, again, regional (such as in Sichuan lol).

"lao-gong" (老公) = husband

"lao-po"/"xi-fu ( r )" (pr. "she-fu") (老婆/媳妇（儿)) = wife

"lao-ban" (老板） = shop keeper / manager / boss

"xiansheng" (pr. "shyan sheng") (先生) = mister

I think that's pretty much all the common ones that show up.

Idk if this was helpful lol but I guess I should at least write out some of the honorifics since I tend not to explain what they mean in the translated videos anymore.

Truly, though, I don't think the average listener is likely to have any way of passively picking up that much of a new language without at some point doing some research/studying.

#text #answered ask #azelia-banking-and-finance #long post #language ask

[loneberry]

Baby's First Meditation Retreat

…attention is prayer. —Simone Weil

It would be simpler—the monastic life would be so much simpler. Wake, pray, meditate, do battle with the ego, eat, sleep—live such that everything inessential is stripped away. Why did you come here, I said, I’m tired of living a distracted life, of going through my days in a fog of unawareness.

In Cambridge, MA I attended a meditation retreat. I signed up on a whim, out of a vague feeling that I have lost control of my mind. I have been meditating very casually for the last nine years, mostly using the Calm app, listening to Tara Brach recordings, and attending guided meditations while a grad student. I had come to the practice out of desperation, in the midst of a debilitating depression that made me feel perpetually tormented by my thoughts. During that time, I would voraciously read every study I could find on depression treatments and tried basically every treatment modality out there: neurofeedback, ketamine, therapeutic yoga, medication, CBT, DBT, fish oil, an anti-inflammatory diet, psychedelics, and the “treatment” that ultimately saved me: intensive psychoanalysis four days a week. Meditation seemed a particularly promising and low-risk way to manage depression and anxiety—and yes, it did bring me some relief, working as a kind of supplement to the psychoanalysis. Even though I haven’t been as consistent about it as I would have liked, I continued to practice it regularly, usually for about 10-20 minutes a day. Not once have I regretted meditating, though when life gets busy it’s easy to tell yourself that you just don’t have the time to sit and do nothing, even though we seem to somehow always have the time to mindlessly surf the internet. 

What is there to say. I’m just so tired of living on autopilot, of not having to face the moment, to face myself. There are a million ways to blot out one’s internal monologue, filling up our days with the background chatter of podcasts or social media. 

The recrudescence of my Simone Weil mania has forced me to reflect on attention—that rare quality of mind which is increasingly in short supply. And yet everything is a matter of attention—not because attention can be instrumentalized to achieve one’s goals. No. Attention is the end in itself. Weil: “We have to try to cure our faults by attention and not by will.” It’s in that second-to-second awareness that reverence for the moment blossoms. The fog is lifting. Here is the trembling world, a cloud passing, the dancing light on the pavement as the sun passes through the rustling leaves of the tree. Weil: “Attention, taken to its highest degree, is the same thing as prayer. It presupposes faith and love.” 

*

I landed in Boston late Friday night and early the next morning was off to the Zen center for the silent two-day retreat. I really did not know what to expect when I signed up. I knew a little about the different schools of Buddhism from studying it in a course as an undergrad. I remember being slightly afraid of “Zen” (or Chan) in particular because it seemed so severe to me. I imagined interminable zazen sessions, without guidance or visualizations; imagined slouching pupils getting whacked with sticks for bad posture or falling asleep. Yet surely if I were to test the Buddhist waters, I should do Zen/Chan since it is a specifically Chinese tradition? My father’s uncle was a Buddhist monk who wandered the mountains of China. I don’t know anything about him, other than his sister (my grandma) was devastated when he died after getting hit by a train. Whether it was suicide or just a manic pixie monk moment, I do not know.

*

Some meditation retreats are completely secular—they are just like a series of long, guided mindfulness sessions, with the context, rituals, and “religious” dimensions stripped away. This was not really that kind of retreat. There were robes, chants in Korean, elaborate meal rituals, and yes, getting whacked with a stick! Of course it is always possible to opt out of getting hit with the keisaku stick—I thought I would, but in the end I took the whacking almost every time it was offered, partly because it jolted me awake and relieved the tension building up in my body from hours and hours of sitting cross-legged on a cushion. The first couple of times the keisaku whacking was administered, I had to restrain myself from laughing. Oh my God, we’re getting whacked by a Buddhist master! In the orientation the instructor said it was for “tension release” but I did feel that it was something like a ritual of submission to the authority of the teacher, even if it didn’t really hurt. Watching how eagerly D. bowed to receive the stick in the orientation, I wondered if the Zen pupils were secretly sadomasochists. 

Constitutionally, I am not a “joiner” and have an aversion to organized religion and anything that emits even a whiff of cult vibes. I’ve always been critical of authority and incapable of following rules, possibly because I didn’t have any growing up. But there was something soothing about how regimented everything was. We performed our actions in sync, chanted about emptiness at 4:30am. The whole experience felt almost militaristic, but a part of me enjoyed the austere, disciplinary atmosphere and the obsessive attention to detail. Not disciplinary in a punitive sense, but disciplinary in the way I imagine Russian classical music training to be: the methodical pursuit of self-mastery (it’s hardly surprising that the Zen master I received instruction from was a classically trained pianist). During the retreat I concluded that more discipline would be good for me.

Most of the retreat consisted of meditating in silence. There was no small talk, no psychobabble, no “now we will get started…”—he just hits the wooden clapper three times, and the sitting session starts. No guidance, no body-scan, no loving-kindness prompts. Just you, seated cross-legged on the cushion in silence, facing the tumult of your chaotic mind, your hands in the Dhyana Mudra position, your eyes half-closed. 

It is a profound and difficult experience, having to face your own mind…both utterly banal and deeply disturbing, thoughts flitting from “maybe I should try to find a used bicycle on the OfferUp app” to thoughts of my parents’ mortality. I was warned by the Zen teacher that difficult emotions might bubble up. Thrice I broke out into tears and strained to regain my composure. It began during one of the short breaks, when I was lying on a bench outside looking up at the sky, imagining that a passing cloud was a life appearing briefly before dissipating. It was an unmediated confrontation with the eternal flux of the universe—pure panta rhei. 

Weil: “Whatever frightful thing may happen, can we desire that time should stop, that the stars should be stayed in their courses? Time’s violence rends the soul: by the rent eternity enters.” Time’s violence has utterly and completely ripped apart my soul. I wanted to hold onto everyone and everything I love, for the stars to be stayed in their courses, for time to stop, for my parents to live forever. I thought about Mari Ruti’s rapid decline and death, about my recent visit to my older brother in prison, and my trip to my relatives’ assisted living home, where my mother’s cousin has been completely waylaid by the rapid onset of Parkinson’s disease. I thought about my father sitting down in the chair looking out the window at the assisted living home, talking about getting old, how his knees ache now. Time’s violence rends the soul.Will I be strong enough to face the eternal flux, the impermanence of everything I love, with a fierceness that borders on madness, grieving even the eventual death of the Sun? Sitting on the cushion meditating, crying: let go. Will I ever be able to let go with grace? Don’t know. Sink into don’t-know mind. Count the breath. Something passes through me.

What did I see, what did I hear—I heard every exhibit of the Museum of Jurassic Technology: the voice imploring us to follow the chain of flowers into the mysteries of life, the burbling waters of the miniature model of Iguazú Falls, a recording of David Wilson talking about exploding dice, the distant echoes of barks in the bestiary room, the mournful sound of the duduk in Djivan Gasparyan’s “Lovely Spring” playing the Sandaldjian room, Monteverdi’s “Lamento della Ninfa” as I ascend the stairs to the sublime courtyard, Bach’s “Ich ruf zu dir, Herr Jesu Christ” in the ‘Ecstatic Journey of Konstantin Tsiolkovsky’ exhibit (impossible not to see the levitation scene from Tarkovsky’s Solaris when hearing BWV 639), Mihály Víg’s “Valuska” in The Borzoi Kabinet Theater at the end of the day, and the sound of David’s nyckelharpa reverberating in the garden. 

Now the birds of the mind are taking flight.

In, out. In, out. Return to the breath. 

The mind opening like a door to the sky

            a deep purple flower unfolding in the emptiness.

List everything you see, her feet standing on the lotus. 

Clear mind

Clear mind

Clear mind

Don’t know.

(In) 1-2-3-4 (out) 5-6-7-8

Κύριε Ἰησοῦ Χριστέ ἐλέησόν με 

The heart

The heart

The spherical heart of the manatee

Thoughts and thoughts and thoughts and thoughts

like waves, saturating the swash zone of the mind…

It’s the weekend of the Perseid meteor shower. Eight years ago, Ed and I watched them from the dock of a Maine pond. We had rented an Airbnb from a man with the same name as a dear poet friend of mine, Dana Ward. (I was dreaming of Dana when I woke up this morning.) A week after the Maine trip, I was at the mental hospital. I had forgotten I had a poetry reading. The woman organizing it called, wondering where I was. 

Eight years have passed me in the blink of an eye. 

Thoughts.

In

out

In

out

In 10-30 second intervals: nothing. Just the space between thoughts.

There were two states of non-self:

one of calm neutrality—just the is-ness of the world.

The other, something more ecstatic:

a mystical amnesia, when you become the contraction and expansion of the breath.

What is there to say about it? In my stead there was a heaving purple cloud floating in a black room.

Then, the “I” coheres again. Head so full of language, thinking about everything I want to write. “I shouldn’t be so attached to my thoughts.” The teacher says in the interview: it’s not about suppression.

Writers are fundamentally hoarders of thoughts. I try to collect each one, as the squirrel does the acorns. In my head I am writing an essay about the antidepressant withdrawals, my astonishment that I did not relapse as David Foster Wallace did when he committed suicide after tapering off his antidepressant. I remember when my thoughts were stuck on the “I want to die” loop, how Ed installed the ad blocker on my internet browser because he was disturbed by the suicide hotline targeted ads. I do not think such thoughts anymore. Maybe it is true—we are not our thoughts. They pass through my mind like water through the sieve. Did Woolf train herself to observe the stream? Too much thinking. I must be doing it wrong. Wrong again—I’m supposed to suspend judgment. 

I hear my friend Tim saying, “the mathematics section is the most mystical part of the library.”

Then Weil says, “As soon as we have a point of eternity in the soul, we have nothing more to do but to take care of it, for it will grow of itself like a seed. It is necessary to surround it with an armed guard, waiting in stillness, and to nourish it with the contemplation of numbers…” 

Now I’m thinking about the relationship between math and mysticism, about the Indian number theorist Srinivasa Ramanujan, who received, in his dreams, thousands of formulas from the Hindu Goddess Namagiri. Ramanujan: “An equation for me has no meaning unless it expresses a thought of God.”

I remember my poem “Umbra,” in which I reference the French mathematician Alexander Grothendieck’s strange book, La Clef des Songes (‘The Key of Dreams’). As one commenter puts it: “It’s a book about God. Grothendieck’s thesis is simple. We meet God in dreams. But we aren’t ourselves dreaming God, rather God Himself is dreaming us. Or better: according to Grothendieck ‘a Dreamer’ exists, an external force who ‘dreams our dreams’ and at the same time dreams us. And this force can only be God. … he declares, in a little footnote that it’s almost hidden, that mathematics wasn’t ‘created by God’ nor by man, but by an aspect of God’s nature that, unique among his attributes, is accessible to human reason.”

A week ago, I was telling Alex about Oppenheimer’s mysticism, his proficiency in Sanskrit and intensive study of the Bhagavad Gita, his “feeling for the mystery of the universe that surrounded him almost like a fog.” I watched Christopher Nolan’s Oppenheimer biopic with Alex—a mathematician/mathematical physicist—and my father—an almost-physicist who immigrated to the U.S. from Taiwan to do a physics PhD in Wyoming but dropped out after his first year to move to NYC to wait tables at a Chinese restaurant. After the film, we watched a documentary about Sir Isaac Newton’s heretical theology and alchemical studies, how he read the Bible as a cryptogram and determined the world will end in 2060.

Could there be a connection between mathematics and the capacity for the divine, between the abstraction of mathematical thinking and the ability to sense the invisible, to see the hidden points that connect disparate realms? Wasn’t Einstein a Spinozist?

Scraps of language jostle around in my mind like a shaking bowl of coins. Stupid thoughts like, “Lacan is to psychoanalysis as Zen is to Buddhism.”

I see myself thinking about the news, about geopolitics and the madness of nation states. China is preparing their population for war, as are we. A kind of nausea overcomes me, as I see the whole nuclear age unfurl before me. 

We dwell on whatever we expose ourselves to, the articles we read, the people we see, the people we lurk online, the reflex to compare, to repeat the name of the Other like a mantra. 

Everything you think you need, you don’t actually need.

A butterfly has somehow flown into the Dharma room. It flits on the floor in the middle of the room. The teacher scoops it up and brings it outside. She corrects my dreadfully sloppy attempt to perform the meal ritual. I panic because I’ve taken too much food and must eat every last crumb. The pear is not ripe, and it is a torture to eat the whole thing. The pear is not ripe—a Zen lesson! Mastication of the unripe pear, a kind of koan. 

There was a short break. I decided to walk around Central Square, without a wallet or phone or headphones. 

How can I describe the sense of aliveness I felt in that moment, that alert receptivity, when I looked at the sky and saw the birds of Central Square taking flight above the Greek Orthodox Church? I walked up the stairs—some ceremony is taking place inside. Down the streets, there’s a brunch spot I never knew about in the seven years I lived in this town. There’s the sound of a busker, so sweet, and a flower shop I wandered into. There’s the bus stop I would wait at on my way to psychoanalysis. I cross the street. Emanating from a building on Mass Ave is the rhythmic thud of Latin American music—it must be the music-dance sessions my ethnomusicologist friend told me about years ago.  

Before dawn on the second day, we perform 108 prostrations. It turns my legs to Jell-O. When I walk up the stairs to use the bathroom, I have to grasp the banister to drag myself up. A few days later I can still barely walk from the soreness caused by the rapid-fire prostrations. Was there something off about my form? I noticed that the others relied more on their arms to hoist themselves up, while I relied almost exclusively on my legs.

And yet I quite enjoy prostrating myself. Outside of any religious or ritual context, I sometimes find myself spontaneously performing prostrations—to what or whom, I do not know. To the earth? I like to kiss the ground, to give thanks to this marvelous rock on which we all dwell. 

*

The interview with the Zen teacher takes a bizarre turn: she asks me questions about DeSantis, in a ‘liberals-trying-to-commiserate’ kind of way. My hatred of DeSantis is bottomless—I had just flown in from Florida the night before the retreat. Please, anything but a DeSantis koan! She asks me if it annoys me that she has been correcting my attempt to execute the meal ritual. I say, No, I don’t mind being an amateur, and crack a joke about being an adult music learner. When the short interview is over, I return to the silence of the Dharma room.

Sitting in silence for long periods is much harder than it looks. Yet the second day feels easier than the first day, despite being on day three of almost no sleep. Toward the end of the retreat, I stare at a spot on the floor, convinced it is a moving bug. It jiggles and jerks, walks in a circle, but always seems to return to the same spot. I can’t stop observing the bug. At the end of the sit, I lean in to get a closer look only to realize it’s not a bug at all, but a dark spot in the wood flooring. 

When the retreat is over, there’s the shock of hearing everyone’s voices, of realizing you had projected otherworldliness on people who are just people in the way you are just a person. We sit in a circle and take turns sharing our experiences. I say, “I came on a whim…because I watched YouTube videos about Buddhism with my dad.” We eat vegan pie at the table. The girlfriend of the man sitting next to me has come to meet him, with roses.

I grab my backpack, put on my Blundstones, and leave the center, in the soft afterglow of the mind’s clearing. What did it feel like: I had no desire to look at my phone. Turning on my phone was almost painful, and yet I needed to call the friend I was staying with. I met up with the religious studies poets, felt more present with others, more natural. We tried to go to the Harvard Film Archive to watch Ozu but were turned away for arriving late. We sat on a rooftop terrace to watch the sunset, with a view of the two spires of Harvard Yard, Memorial Church and Memorial Hall. Sun through the leaves, perceived crisply, as though a layer of mediation had been removed.

#meditation #buddhism #Zen Buddhism #mysticism #chan buddhism #mathematics #Simone Weil #attention