This morning we went on a run, and I ran my fastest mile since my knee injury!! It’s so motivating seeing the progress.
I’m so torn sometimes, though. I’m so so happy to be making progress, but then my s/o will talk about running at a 6:45 pace for 4+ miles and I feel like I’m so far behind... I know that’s not the case, but the feeling still comes and goes.
I wasn’t super motivated to go to the gym after work today, but we ended up going anyways. lol. We did back/chest and then I finished up with 20min on the jacob’s ladder! I hit 125lbs (body weight) for 6 reps today, so it was a pretty successful workout day, I’d say!
I was terrified of what others would think, but even amongst all of my doubts and hesitation I knew I looked good in it and that nobody actually cared what I looked like. After all, my biggest insecurity was still covered up (my lower stomach and upper thighs).
Fast forward to a week ago. Nobody knew it besides my boyfriend and myself, but I overcame another HUGE insecurity of mine by wearing regular bathingsuit bottoms. Not a skirt, not shorts, but legit bathing suit bottoms (still high waisted).
My upper (inner) thighs have always been an issue for me. I have excess skin or fat right at the top of my legs. I've always worn shorts just long enough to cover them. So you can assume I've always worn bathing suit bottoms that also covered them....skirts, activewear type shorts, etc.
While in Gatlinburg on a family vacation a couple weeks ago, I slipped on a pair of high waisted bathing suit bottoms, took a deep breath, and walked out of the room.
Nobody batted an eye. Nobody stared at me. Nobody treated me differently. Nobody said anything referring to it.
I.was.so.gosh.darn.proud of myself.
I did it once so I know can do it again.
Now I just need to tan the upper thighs that haven't seen the light since I was a child. 🤣
This morning I felt like I had lost motivation, this weekend I ate too much and for Easter as a family tradition I also ate a lot of chocolates. Happily I took all my strength and managed to do today's exercises.
I got up again to continue on this journey. I understand now that it's not about not failing, It's about getting up and trying again.
This week i did strength training 6 times. Mon/wed/Fri i did between 30-40 min of step aerobics + 30 min of lower body + 45 min of intervals on the elliptical. Tue/Thu/sat i walked for 55-60 min + 30 min of upper body + 30 min of steady elliptical. By today i had a little over 700 kcal burned from activity as weekly average, but I decided to do a 25 min step workout, so the average increased a bit.
I think there was only one day i did not burn the 700 kcal. And some i burned 800 and even one a 1000. So exercise was excellent.
But food wise, there were days I felt like I wanted to eat everything, and almost did but I calmed myself down and just ate, i tried not to think about calories too much, i still tracked but I didn't panic about going above 1500. So this week i ate a little more. I don't know if it was because I was more active this week, or if it was just my mind freaking out and trying to go back to old patterns. Either way i didn't let myself worry and focus too much on going above maintenance calories, because I know if I do, i will binge and stop exercising and enter a never ending cycle.
I'm going to give it another week with this approach, if I see i still feel like eating more i will adjust next week. I'm thinking, i either go back to what I was doing at the beginning (just 3 walking days with no extra strength and step) even if I don't reach the 700 kcal average but I'll be less hungry. Or changing some foods in my diet and lower my calories that way.
Tomorrow begins my journey to fitness *again* - the first Monday after my 30th birthday. Going to take my next “current weight” tomorrow before I start my workouts, after drinking extra water and going super low carb today. I’ve gained some weight back the last few weeks. Once I get it in my head I can “have carbs” because I already “ruined my diet for the day” I literally go crazy and eat everything in sight. My plan it to struggle thru the first coup weeks with my goals in mind, because in the past once I’m on keto for a couple weeks, it’s been easier for me to stay on it.
I’m very tired of starting over and not seeing my goals realized, I’m going to make that my motivation to make it work this time. I’m sorry if reading all these “starting again” posts is annoying. It’s annoying to type them. But it helps me to take a look at myself and the situation and see that the only one to blame is me and my habits, and use that to do better.