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smolcobie · 3 years

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Hyunjae | Butterfly Effect

↪ Summary: After a dangerous fire, Hyunjae is unable to hide his feelings for you.

Word Count: 3,5k

Warnings: Suggestive | Fire | Friends To Lovers | Heavy Making Out

Genre: Hyunjae x Reader | HYUNJAE FIREFIGHTER AU | Female Reader

Dedicated to my fav deobi friend @santacruz-sand <3

Human beings are known for their daily mistakes. We used to say that every day we make a mistake, some don't make that much difference, others can change the course of your life, better known as the butterfly effect. Each action has its reaction, gradually shaping the path you will take in life.

Some say that this is fate, that no matter how much you try to escape, it will happen. Others prefer to believe that you create your own destiny. I didn't believe in any of these theories, in fact, I always preferred to think that it is easier to do your best every day than to be disappointed by the path you took because you thought that this was your destiny after all.

The greatest example that my theory was real, was seeing how my best friend lived. Every single day he left early, before the sun came up, and came back when it was night. Being a firefighter required perfection in his form, discipline, punctuality, courage to face his fears, and a lot of willingness to risk his own life for the benefit of society.

I watched him cautiously, analyzing his ways and manners. The way he slammed the gate hard to make sure it was locked, or how he sighed and gave a silly smile when he managed to do something he liked, but what I liked most was the way he struggled every day to cheer people's lives.

- ▪︎ -

"[NAME], do your best every day and no one will have the courage to speak ill of the way you live." He said with his red cheeks and heavy eyes from the soju he drank.

"What are you talking about? I live very well, you're the one who lives next to my house and keeps risking your life." I laughed, fixing up his fringe that was messy "You're already starting to get drunk, let's go home." I got up pulling on his shirt and he made a weeping face.

"[NAME], why are you so mean to me?" He said slyly and I lifted him up with all my strength hugging him around the waist "Hyunjae, come on, you need to rest." He sighed and started walking making a pout on his lips.

"Stop pouting, you know you need to rest. You work a lot and when you take a break you want to drink soju and philosophize about life with me." I commented while walking down the dark street.

"But you are my best friend, you have to listen to me." I laughed at his comment "If you paid me I could even quit my job, after all, listening to you is all I do." "That's why I love you." He chuckled and put his head on my shoulder as I opened the door to his house, after entering the password.

"I love you too, so go to sleep." I tossed him on the bed and he smiled happily hugging his soft pillow.

- ▪︎ -

It was almost always like this. Hyunjae coming to my house to vent about life, I laugh while making some cards to post on my Instagram and the company. Being a calligraphy artist was a happy part of my life, being able to decorate bookstores, houses, gifts was something that gave me the strength to live.

Hyunjae was such an essential part of my life, that I only realized when our mutual friend asked why we lived so close to each other. My first thought was to think that it would be easier to go out, have fun and talk. My second thought was that I was completely in love with him, and I didn't want to admit it.

It was complicated, an old love that I knew had no way out, but nothing was going to change because I couldn't find any nice guys. I lived with Hyunjae and I had already accepted my condition. Romance went from something I dreamed of as a teenager, to something I value as an adult, but not as much as my sanity.

It was easier to live with Hyunjae than having to go on blind dates with bizarre guys that our friend Sunwoo arranged (probably from the deep web). And I keep ignoring my feelings, being inspired by its way of life.

That day was more beautiful than usual. The sun was shining brightly, the sky was clear and blue, the traffic seemed calm and the weather was perfect for an outdoor meeting, perhaps a date in the park. The subway was surprisingly empty, although it was very early, and I was completely rested.

It seemed like the perfect working day. I had made many cards at the company, sent some orders by mail, and placed new orders for a major literature event that would take place at the company. Lunch was great and our boss was in a good mood telling stories from when she was in college.

The day had gone well, my colleagues finished their jobs earlier than expected so we were able to go out early and eat fried chicken in a new restaurant near the company. I returned home happy and completely shocked at how perfect my day had been.

I got home and changed my shoes. I took a relaxing bath while listening to the news of the day through my radio hanging from the bathroom sink.

"URGENT NEWS! THERE IS A FIRE IN A BUSINESS BUILDING LOCATED IN THE GANGNAM REGION, MANY ARE THREATENING TO JUMP THROUGH THE WINDOWS. SOURCES CONFIRM THAT THE FIRE STARTED BY THE BAD WIRING THAT HAS NOT BEEN CORRECTLY REPLACED. THE FIREFIGHTERS HAVE JUST ARRIVED AND ARE PREPARING TO RELEASE THE PLACE AND REMOVE SURVIVORS. ”

I immediately turned off the shower, drying myself quickly, putting on any clothes, and going to the living room to turn on the TV and see the news.

All the channels were talking about the fire. It even seemed ironic, as I had a great day, and now a building near my company was on fire, and I had to see desperate people on the TV screen.

My heart stopped and my eyes lit up when I recognized Hyunjae running away with a long sheet and other men helping him from afar. This was apparently what he was supposed to do, try to stay calm and help people in a tragedy that could cost their lives.

“FIREFIGHTERS MOBILIZED QUICKLY AND SURVIVORS ARE GETTING TO THE GROUND SAFELY. THE FIRE HAS BEEN CONTROLLED AND WE HAVE NO NEWS FROM ANY VICTIMS IN SERIOUS STATE UNTIL THE MOMENT-” The woman turned and the cameraman filmed Hyunjae leaving the scene with a woman unconscious in his arms “THIS YOUNG BRAVE MAN REMOVED THE LAST VICTIM FROM THE LOCATION. AMBULANCE HAS ARRIVED AND WILL TREAT EVERYONE IMMEDIATELY. ”

I closed my fists tightly, my mouth dried and my heart sped up. Hyunjae had entered that burning building, risking his life, to save another one.

The fire subsided until it was extinguished. Reporters were still talking about how the police were already investigating everything and how fortunately no lives were lost and the victims had only minor injuries. I sighed with relief and sent a message to Hyunjae, congratulating him, but mostly asking how he was doing.

Me:

[Are you okay? I just saw it all on TV, I'm so worried!]

[I am proud of you, you were amazing.]

[I hope you're all right, send a message when you see this.]

Received.

I sighed and laid down on my bed covering my eyes trying to remember that he was fine.

"Nothing happened."

"Hyunjae is fine. No need to worry."

I was trying to convince myself that he was fine, alive, and doing his job, but my heart couldn't calm down. I decided to take a light tranquilizer and lie down again.

Maybe he would answer me in the morning, I would wait patiently and everything would be fine.

I turned on some drama on TV while I was busy watching cute animals on Youtube to pass the time. After a few hours and having a quick nap, I was surprised by the ringing of my cell phone and saw that it was Hyunjae.

I got up and answered quickly.

“Hyunjae ?! Are you okay? Where are you?" I hurried over and felt him give a tired laugh on the other end of the phone.

“I'm outside your house, please open it for me. It's a little cold here. ” He made a little joke like he always does, maybe, trying to calm my worried mood.

"Okay, I'll be right back." I hung up the phone and ran out to the door.

I opened the door feeling my heart racing, my joints tingling from suddenly getting up and automatically everything calmed down when I saw his face.

He had his bangs glued to his forehead, his face was dirty with some ash. He still had his work uniform on and was holding some bandages probably bought from the pharmacy near our homes.

"I came for you to heal me." He gave a sarcastic smile as I felt relief wash over my entire body.

"Come on, staying in this serene is bad." I pulled him inside, locking the door and putting his usual shoe in the doorway.

"Unfortunately I bought anything I saw at the pharmacy, so I hope you help me, I'm deadly tired." He started talking quietly trying to hide how he was shaken by that night.

"Hyunjae... are you okay?" I asked seeing him sitting on a chair in the kitchen taking off his uniform, leaving only the standard white blouse and pants.

"Yeah." He said dryly biting his lip and looking away. The habit he made when he lied.

"Stop lying to me." I walked towards him crossing my arms “If you were really well, you would have gone home, answered on your cell phone, and slept in peace."

He sighed and looked at me with a look that made my whole body tremble. He looked scared, anxious, but mostly nervous about something.

"What is it?" I touched his cheek and he sighed, closing his eyes and leaning into my hand.

"I almost lost my mind today." He stood up scratching the back of his neck with a choked voice as if he were about to cry.

"What do you mean?" He looked at me so sincerely that I felt my heart soften.

"We were on the traffic patrol when we heard the call." He laughed, but it was sad. "When they said the address, and I realized it was on the same street as your job, I despaired."

My eyes flew open and he sat on the edge of the couch burying his fingers in his dirty, messy hair.

“I thought you could be there and I lost it. When I got there, all I could think about was you.” I approached and realized that in fact, his eyes were watery "I know I should be concerned with other people, but I could only think ‘What if it is her building? What if she is there? What if she is in danger? What if I can't save her?’ And I went into eternal despair.”

I felt my heart racing so fast it could come out of my mouth.

"I-I didn't care if other people were hurt, as long as you were fine..." He looked at me and I felt a huge urge to hold his face "And it scares me. The way I was afraid of losing you and I couldn't think rationally, on the professional side.”

I sat next to him listening to everything he had to say.

"Hyunjae, anyone would feel the same way, you don't have to feel guilty about it." I wiped away his tears and held his cheeks in the palm of my hands "I would have done the same, thinking about you all the time."

He gave a smile sniffing before holding my hands.

"But it's different this time." He said before looking into my eyes with an invisible force that made me nervous "I thought nothing would make sense if I didn't have you by my side."

I took a deep breath trying to follow his argument.

"I don't want to lose you." He whispered as if it were a forbidden confession "You are the most important person in the whole world to me." He touched my cheek with the palm of his hand "You know that, don't you?" He swallowed hard, leaning his forehead against mine.

I took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair.

"I know Hyunjae, you are also the most special person for me." I said seeing how he had relaxed a little more "Now get up, you need to take a shower and put bandages on these cuts."

I stood up first, but I felt his hand close to my fist. He was taller than me, not so much, but his body was so strong that it made me feel small around him.

"What? Come on, you're very tired. ” I took the lead before I felt him pulling me again.

"[NAME]." He said hoarsely as I studied his face curiously.

Hyunjae was too different that night.

“What is it Hyunjae? Your face is dirty, you need to take a shower. ” I touched my hips trying to understand what he wanted.

Hyunjae approached pulling my wrist towards him before giving a kiss there.

"Come with me." He said making me petrified on the spot.

"W-WHAT?!" I asked nervously as I felt my heart pound so loudly that I was afraid he might hear "I-That's not funny, Hyunjae."

He released my fist and pulled me by the hip, staring deep into my eyes.

"I'm not kidding." I felt a shiver down my back when he admitted it wasn't a joke or a friend flirt "I got tired of pretending I don't feel anything for you."

I couldn't say anything, I was too shocked to reply.

“[NAME], you are the most important person to me and I don't want to live any longer having to treat you just like a best friend.” He touched my chin and raised my gaze to his “Please, be honest with me. Am I just a best friend to you? ”

I felt his gaze enter my soul and I knew I had no way to lie anymore, this was the only chance I would have to admit what I feel.

"No." I swallowed and stared at his mouth, which formed a small smile of satisfaction.

It was amazing the effect that Hyunjae had on me. Even if I wanted to run away, I wouldn't be able to lie because it was already obvious from the way I act.

"Great." I felt my stomach churn when I felt his left hand hold me tighter as his right landed on my cheek, making his thumb touch my chin, caressing it. "I hope you don't mind this."

"Mind wha—" I could barely finish the question and I felt his lips on mine.

I pulled away unintentionally from the shock and looked into his eyes that seemed to be staring at me with an indescribable fire. I swallowed and felt my heart racing as he just smirked sideways, as if he knew what I was thinking.

He approached me slowly, touching our noses and I closed my eyes feeling his breath warm my face. I felt my face heat up and my palms sweat when his lips brushed against mine again. I held on to his white blouse with the rest of my strength and waited for Hyunjae to close the distance that bothered me so much.

I felt his hand move and his fingers pulled my chin down, opening my mouth that was closed by shock. I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding and felt him laugh through his nose before wetting my bottom lip with his tongue lightly, kissing me gently.

I lifted my hands to his hair where I pulled slightly, feeling my back against the bathroom door. Hyunjae took a quick breath, trying desperately to open the bathroom door, trying not to break the kiss.

I opened my eyes after Hyunjae got rid of me, feeling my heart stop at the sight of him focused on trying to open the bathroom door. His face was flushed, but his ears seemed to burn at how red they were. His dark eyebrows were furrowed and his mouth was pink and inviting.

"Aish." Hyunjae said finally opening the bathroom making me smile slightly.

I held on to his blouse when I almost tripped over my own rug and Hyunjae grabbed my waist with his arm. He gave me a shy smile before leaning his body against mine, making me even more nervous.

His fingers played with the old buttons on my wool blouse. I held his neck intoxicating myself by his smell invading my senses. I felt a shiver down my spine when his fingers touched my skin gently, as if it were the most expensive porcelain that should be handled with care.

Hyunjae started the shower making me more and more nervous. He pushed me with some force making my back touch the tile on the cold wall of the bathroom. I felt his wet abdomen touching mine and tried to take his shirt off awkwardly making him laugh with amusement.

I looked into his eyes feeling my cheeks flush hard as I held his necklace in my hand. I smirked when I realized it was the gift I had given them for his last birthday. It was a sun necklace that was completed with another necklace, which was mine and was shaped like a moon.

I used to say that he was the sun that lit up my life and that reflected in me. I didn't expect him to wear it every day, because he is so critical of his clothes and his style, so I was surprised when I saw the jewel on his soft, wide collarbone.

"I-I like that necklace." He justified himself by making me smile as I felt my hair gradually get wet from the shower water.

I caressed his cheeks, removing all the dust and ashes from his face. He closed his eyes as I carefully wiped his face by raising my hands to his hair. My stomach churned when I kissed the corner of his jaw and he let out a long breath squeezing my waist.

"I like you." I confessed by kissing his neck, stroking his hair "Really."

"N-Noona." He said slyly in my ear making me smile. He only called me Noona when he was embarrassed "Don't do this to me."

"What?" I asked, acting like I didn't get his thoughts while looking at his beautiful body in front of me. I moved my hands down his chest feeling my whole body softening and looked him in the eyes hoping he understood the message I wanted to convey.

"You know." He responded by pinning me to the wall as he fiddled with the buttons on his pants, leaning his forehead against mine, chuckling through his nose.

I hugged him feeling slightly embarrassed when I felt him take off my bra and toss it on any floor in the bathroom. I closed my eyes tightly as I felt his lips kiss my neck slowly and lovingly.

"[NAME] ..." He sighed and kissed my collarbone "I-I know you like romantic guys, but the last thing I want to do now is to be patient and romantic with you."

I felt my whole body tremble and my thoughts were confused.

"I-Is this okay with you?" He asked suspiciously and I nodded, unable to speak, "Are you sure?"

I just answered him by kissing him again. He returned it immediately, deepening the kiss, holding me in his strong arms.

So, I closed my eyes and just let all those feelings accumulated from so long being satisfied without thinking about anything else.

- ▪︎ -

The truth was that love could come from anywhere, from a friendship for years, from a complete stranger, from a colleague at work or college. There are no limits to define where love should be born.

For Hyunjae and you, it was born out of years of extreme care. An affection that could not be limited by friendship, and by the undeniable attraction you felt for each other. There are people who spend years like this without the courage to declare themselves.

At that moment, a questioning is born within you. What if you hadn't declared yourself that night? What if you had run away? Hyunjae would probably walk away and leave your house feeling his heart broken. You weren't going to have the happy ending you wanted, and you could probably lose a precious friendship.

Ultimately, the butterfly effect has been proven and you should admit that your best 'mistake' was to have overcome your fear and admitted your senses. His best 'mistake' was sleeping with his best friend.

The question that remains is: Was that your destiny, or just the butterfly effect?

Ultimately, none of that mattered, because you both loved each other deeply.

▪︎

MASTERLIST

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neonnoir-ao3 · 3 years

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Some Words of Comfort.

Recently, I’ve seen a lot of people (especially those who have read spoilers/are actively searching for leaked content) lament about their future reactions to the deaths of our beloved characters in-game.

We all knew this was inevitable, and that them living was not an option for the plot of the game, but the time has finally come to face it head-on.

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I understand that someone outside this community might be like “it’s just a game”, but I know it’s way more than that to many: the concept of a female villain that, to many, can be seen as sympathizable and even endearing, is a bit of a new concept— especially on such a large scale as this instance.

In addition, Lady Dimitrescu and her daughters have become a bit of a comfort item for some (with an emphasis on sapphics/wlw, from what I’ve seen personally) in the form of a large, protective, and caring hypothetical partner, or even just a maternal character one can appreciate simply because of her love for her children. Regardless, most of us are here due to some desire for comfort.

Take my own story with this community, for example:

(tws for death, covid, suicide, and general medical emergencies)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Frankly, 2020 and the beginning of 2021 have ruined me. I lost two men who were the only two positive father figures I’ve ever had. The last of the two tested positive for covid and deteriorated within days, to the point where less than a week after testing positive, my family was making the choice to pull the plug. This all occurred days before Christmas and my birthday. On the first day of the spring semester, having not had the time to properly mourn my grandfather, my mother is in the ER for multiple days with an internal infection that doctors said likely would have turned septic if she had waited to come in any longer. This led to three surgeries throughout the next few months. (Oh, and one of my relatives quite literally dropped dead on that first day of class, too). I am also estranged from one of my parents, and they have been trying to contact my family: they have multiple untreated mental illnesses (severe NPD, bipolar, and more) and they are extremely aggressive in that state of mind and they are agitated extremely easily. That only brings more stress, along with resurfacing trauma and related emotions. Every moment of every day has been a struggle. So much so that I failed half of my classes voluntarily simply because I couldn't do them anymore.

To be perfectly honest with you, I didn’t expect to be here right now. I expected that the pain of simply moving forward would have finally overridden my fears of death and that I would have already ended my suffering by now.

Then, in late January, I saw something trending on Twitter. About a new female villain in an upcoming horror game. And it went from there.

As cheesy as it sounds, this fandom and its content seriously saved my life. In the darkest of days, I’ve come to this tag for comfort. The oddest way I found said comfort was through those who were attracted to Alcina aesthetically. I have extremely long-term trauma related to being bullied and being the victim of a hybrid catfishing/'Oreo Game' on early social media by peers in middle school to the point where I do not think of myself as being able to be loved, let alone being worthy of it. Finding this community not only provided a great form of escapism (and opened a door into a fantasy world where I could imagine my own person vampire milf gf), but also gained a little bit of self-esteem (as many of you know, I share a lot of visual qualities with Alcina. -yes, I'm still kinda freaked out about it-) via seeing people where features/attributes like mine were actively praised and desired rather than insulted and pushed away like they have been until now.

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(okay sorry that kinda turned into a trauma dump but I needed to emphasize the fact that this community has seriously helped me during a really dark point in my life, and I know I can't be the only one with that sort of experience)

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What I’m trying to get across here is that, like many others, this community and its content have been comforting and therapeutic, and it really is more than just a game to us. It’s entertaining and even a form of escapism in these extremely trying times. We all have some degree of PTSD from surviving a literal mass plague— and this is something we're using as a method of coping. a distraction. a coping mechanism.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With that being said, here are some ways to hopefully assist in lessening the emotional stress:

(please note that I am not a mental health professional and these may not be healthy coping mechanisms for everyone.)

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Understand that it’s just a game.

I know, this sounds completely counterintuitive, but it’s more or less about keeping your level of immersion down. Personally, I can’t do scary shit in general: I have to listen to music on low volume while watching dark ARG vids at night or when I’m alone because I get too into it, and then my paranoia kicks in. Sometimes just pausing for a moment and grounding yourself/reminding yourself that this is a video game: a jumble of code and 3D rendering that doesn’t have to affect your views/headcanons if you don’t want it to. Did your favorite character just get slaughtered? Nope, that 3D rendering of them just got un-alived, that’s all.

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Ignorance is Bliss/We are the Captain Now

Simple: Capcom can’t even pronounce Dimitrescu right, or even acknowledge the way it’s correctly said in Romanian culture itself. How can you trust them to give you a perfect canon? That’s the thing: with that logic, you can’t. What they say is true means little (if anything, for that matter) to your headcanons and preexisting ideas of the Dimitrescus. In short: fuck ‘em.

I’m currently seeking a double major in pop culture, and one of the cool things I’ve learned so far is affirmational vs transformational fandom. Affirmational is where official canon is seen as the law of the land, and followed to a T. Transformational is seen as much more inviting for audiences, allowing them to bend canon as they wish to fit their own creations. This fandom is obviously transformational, so take that game canon, rip it up, and get back to whatever you were doing.

Capcom’s canon is not the end-all, be-all. Far from it, actually.

Want to still acknowledge canon? Godmod your way out of it.

Character A died? It’d be a shame if they emerged from the rubble they 'died in' a few hours later, very beaten but alive nonetheless... how awful would it be if they sulked away, nursed their wounds, and continued to live... (/s)

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Ignore it completely.

Remember: give it time. Once the game drops, there w be a wave of grief, but eventually, we as a community will recover, and get back to business as usual. Think about it like the in any way. Stay with the version in your head that makes you happy.

Get Creative!

If you're into creating fanart, writing fics, or even just posting a list of headcanons, take some advice from the late Carrie Fisher: "Take your broken heart, and make it into art". Make the fluff oneshot of your dreams! Draw the fanart you've been wanting to! dump lighthearted headcanons into the tags! Not only will it cheer you up, but sharing it with the community will spread the love!

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I know a lot of people are struggling with this emotionally (especially with the pandemic making entertainment like this even more important sources of escapism and coping mechanisms) and I hope that, at the very least, I was able to help comfort one person who reads this.

Remember: give it time. Once the game drops, there will be a wave of grief, but eventually, we as a community will recover, and get back to business as usual. Think about it like the flowers that bloom after major wildfires: after a period of loss, some beautiful can still come of it.

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💙

#tall vampire lady #lady alcina #lady dimitrescu #daniela dimitrescu #castle dimitrescu #alcina dimitrescu #dimitrescu daughters #dimitrescu family #dimitrescu sisters #cassandra dimitrescu #countess dimitrescu #house dimitrescu #resident evil #re: village #resident evil village #resident evil: village

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kal-djarin · 3 years

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Memories From the Past

Fandom: Star Wars

Date Posted: February 8th, 2021

Pairing: Reader x Obi-Wan Kenobi

Warnings: angst, fluff, suggestive themes but no actual smut, fighting?

Request: n/a

A/N: Okay I’m actually kinda proud of this one. I really love the dynamic of Obitine so I tried to translate that into fic without stealing the entire plot, but it steal is very obviously similar. I really hope the flash back scenes and change in pov. make sense, I had some issues trying to figure out what tense I should use for them, but hopefully it’s not confusing. IM SORRY THE ENDING IS RUSHED!!! As always please let me know what you think!!

Word Count: 4.5k

The news of Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi’s return to Sundari caused an array of emotions throughout the Palace. The Royal Guards were more watchful than usual, still not truly able to release the years of grudges held against the Jedi Order and Satine, was glad to be reunited with her old friend, despite the impromptu meeting being over possible changes in where the planet stood in the Clone Wars; a figure dressed in Mandalorian armour attacking a Republic cruiser would bring anyone to question the supposed position of neutrality Mandalore held.

You, on the other hand, were instantly filled with dread. Years have passed from the last time you have laid eyes on Obi-Wan and still the mere mention of him causes hundreds of memories to resurface.

When Satine became Duchess of Mandalore, many people were happy, but there were still insurgents that would not accept her pacifist leadership. They would send bounty hunters to try to eliminate her and the power she held. These constant threats against her life compelled Obi-Wan and his Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn to remove her and you, her most trusted advisor, from Mandalore and live on the run for nearly a year.

You lived one day at a time, trying to focus on surviving the present and live to see what uncertainties the future held. Most people would think that living in such dubious conditions would be terrifying, but it was one of the best years of your life.

Right when you met Obi-Wan, you were instantly turned off by him, despite his handsome looks. His diplomatic kindness and reverence felt impersonal and fake instead of charming and he was far too arrogant for your liking. Qui-Gon, on the other hand, was someone you befriended very quickly. His empathetic and wise nature instantly connected the two of you and he became almost like a father-figure. He was constantly giving you advice and was the only reason you tolerated Obi-Wan in the beginning.

Obi-Wan instantly felt this disfavor towards him, bringing out his sarcasm and frequent jabs, making him even more unbearable. The two of you spent weeks either trying to see who could irritate the other more or just completely ignoring each other, to both Qui Gon and Satine’s dismay. Qui-Gon always tried convincing you that you and Obi-Wan would make a great pair if the two of you would just stop being so stubborn, but his advice fell onto deaf ears.

Your hostility towards each other did die however, when you were being chased by venom-mites on a cliff on Draboon. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan fought them off as you and Satine escaped to the ship. Satine ran onto the boarding ramp and just as you were about to join her, you tripped over a divot in the ground, the momentum of it almost completely hurtling you off the side of the cliff, had you not grabbed a hold of the ledge.

All you can remember was the absolute terror that coursed through your veins and Satine’s horrified scream. Your body was hung over what seemed to be a bottomless pit and the only thing anchoring it were your hands; hands that were rather weak from a life devoid of physical exertion and that were slipping as each second passed.

You struggled, trying to find a way to climb up to solid land, but soon realized all the effort was fruitless. Obi-Wan, startled by Satine’s cries for help, turned around and saw your rather unfortunate situation. His eyes widened and he quickly turned from his Master and ran towards where you hung. When he was close enough, he slid to his knees and stretched his arm out to you.

“(Y/N), Take my hand!”

You wanted to, you really did, but the fear of falling to transfer your grip from the ground to his hand was too debilitating.

“Obi-Wan, I can’t, I’ll fall!” You managed to choke out

“You have to trust me!” His voice was loud, but still held its usual steadiness. His eyes however gave away his true emotions. They were frantically searching your own trying to convince you to lay your life in his hands. You could practically feel his terror radiating off of him.

Realizing you were out of options, you slowly released your grip and reached out to grasp his outstretched hand. Your fingers barely grazed his own and you knew it was too late. Gravity met you full force, and you felt yourself scream as your body began to plummet.

Then, all of a sudden, a warm cradling feeling caught you, interrupting your imminent death. You felt yourself rise over the cliff and saw Obi-Wan’s concentrated face and twitching hand. When you were about a foot above the ground, you dropped into Obi-Wan’s arms, and let out a sob of relief. Your body was racked with tears, still trying to process what just happened, and Obi-Wan just held you. You wrapped your arms around his neck, seeking comfort for your near death, and leaned against Obi-Wan’s own shaking body.

That day was the start of a new relationship for the two of you. You began to confide in each other more and felt the trust between the two of you grow as time passed. Obi-Wan dropped his guard of fake diplomacy and began to act more like himself. Of course, he still had his sarcastic humor, but it was more endearing now and his kindness felt genuine.

Soon, your relationship became more than just finding comfort in each other. When one of you couldn’t sleep, you and Obi-Wan would just sit together and talk until you became tired or if it was time to get up. Being around him was effortless and there was an understanding the two of you had that was rare to find. Of course, there was still tension between the two of you but it was different, less hostile.

If your relationship with him had ended there, innocent and full of what-ifs, you would have been just as excited as Satine was to see him. You wouldn’t currently be standing in the throne room, shaking with anxiety, waiting for him to step through the doors.

Just as you begin to contemplate completely ditching Obi-Wan’s arrival, the doors are opened and you hear the Prime Minister talking to him.

You look down and try to not draw attention to yourself, which is impossible considering Satine insisted you walk in beside her. Satine knew you and Obi-Wan were close, but you never told just how far your relationship with him went, so she didn’t see anything with the reunion. She sits down at the throne and you stand next to her. They greet each other briefly and the sound of Obi-Wan being so close to you again gives you the courage to finally meet his gaze.

He looks absolutely radiant, somehow looking more attractive than you remembered. His hair is a bit longer and a perfectly trimmed bear adorns his handsome face. You can’t help but stare, trying to take in the view you have been deprived of for almost 15 years.

“After all these years, you're even more beautiful than ever,” He says towards Satine, but still keeps his eyes locked on you.

You break the intense eye contact and try to not let his smooth words affect you. He doesn’t falter at your discreet rejection and continues the diplomatic conversation between him and Satine. She invites him on a walk through the city, and to your dismay, she gestures for you to join them. You walk just behind Satine, allowing the two of them to lead the way. Air speeders whistle by around you and people walk around the city, going about their day, unbothered by the Duchess and Jedi moving around them. You hear Satine talk about the current predicament Mandalore has found itself in with the Death Watch and you know you should be paying attention and adding into the conversation for sake of not seeming rude, but can’t help but carefully watch Obi-Wan’s side profile as he walks.

It’s perfect just like the rest of him and triggers yet another memory in your mind: you and his first kiss. It was a couple months after the incident on Draboon, and the four of you were forced to spend the night in a cave because of a rather wild storm. You sat on the cold floor near the fire Qui-Gon made, unable to rest, just watching the rain hit the mouth of the cave for hours. Unlike you, Satine used her time wisely, quickly finding much needed sleep. Qui-Gon had been meditating earlier, but now seemed to be resting as well, facing the inside of the cave. Obi-Wan sat cross-legged, reading a book about, if you remembered from his earlier explanation correctly, the method of Jar’Kai, farthest from the fire.

It wasn’t long before he noticed your restless form and decided to sit down next to you, close enough for your shoulders to touch.

“What’s up with you?” He asked, nudging your shoulder with his own.

Usually this kind of touch wouldn’t have caused you any issues, but more recently, you began to take note of every physical contact the two of you made. Obi-Wan was rather reserved, so knowing he so frequently chose to make contact with you gave you conflicting feelings. You turned and looked at him and suddenly felt rather sad.

“Don’t you wish we could be more carefree, like other people our age?”

He looked taken aback from your sudden question, but soon began to contemplate, fingers coming up to gently grasp his chin. After a moment, he looked back at you and shook his head.

“I never truly have thought about it. Why?” He questions further.

You knew why. No matter how hard you tried to deny it, Obi-Wan has found a special place in your heart. Months of confiding and building trust with one another let you get to know his true personality, making it impossible not to feel so much for him. But, although you were just teenagers, the both of you had responsibilities and expectations of you. He was a Jedi and you had to stay focused on helping Satine rebuild Mandalore after the raging civil war.

So instead of answering his question, you decided to satiate the need to feel reckless by standing up and walking out into the rain. The feel of the cold drops on your skin should have annoyed you, but instead it made you feel alive; it helped numb the feelings you so badly wish you didn’t have.

“What are you doing!” Obi-Wan yelled, looking alarmed at your sudden uncharacteristic decision.

“I’m living!!” You replied, soaking in the feeling of the rain and quickly running back and grabbing his hands with your dripping ones.

“Come on, Obi Wan, join me” You urged. His eyes are wide in shock but, nonetheless, takes off his outer robes and walks out into the rain.

His trust to join you with no question made you feel even more giddy and you dragged him into the middle of the valley that the cave sat in. You grabbed his hands and began to dance, if you could even call it that. Obi-Wan, as comfortable as he was with you, immediately stiffened up, since he was never truly taught how to dance. This setback, however, caused little pause in your actions and you just spun with him around in a circle.

The drumming of the rain did little to drown out your laugh whenever Obi-Wan would stumble, to his dismay, but he too began to chuckle at the unskilled dancing going on. You gazed up at him and just from the look on his face you knew your feelings for him were going nowhere. His hair laid flat on his head, soaked, and his face was covered in water and he looked breathtaking. He made you feel safe and trusted and maybe that was the reason you decided to risk it all.

You grabbed his face between your hands and pressed your lips to his. It was short-lived, with him quickly pulling away with his eyebrows furrowed and lips parted.

You instantly were filled with regret, embarrassed from the rejection, and went to run back into the cave to hide from your mistake. You felt selfish, trying to act on feelings that completely disrespected everything Obi-Wan lived for. Right when you pulled away from his arms, Obi-Wan quickly grabbed your wrist and pulled you back in.

His hands went up to cradle your face and he kissed you. It was overwhelming how much emotion he was channeling through it. The kiss was needy and hard but his hands were gentle, one of them coming up to tangle itself in your soaked hair. You could tell he was inexperienced, his form being a tad messy, but the passion put into it made up for any mistakes.

You feel a hand rest on your shoulder and are instantly pulled out of the memory. You see Satine looking at you, worry written all over her face.

“(Y/N), are you alright?” She asks, her eyes searching your face.

You go to answer her and shut down any of her worries about you, but catch a glimpse of Obi-Wan and lose the words. His face looks almost distraught and you know he must have seen what you were thinking of. You force yourself to look away from him and respond to Satine.

“Yes, sorry I must have zoned out.” You apologize, hoping she buys your white lie. “As a matter of fact is it alright if I return to the Palace, I think I need a little rest”

She still looks worried, but quickly approves of your request and turns back to walk with Obi-Wan, who still seems bothered by your memory, but remains cordial and attentive.

You turn and go back to the Palace, a single guard flanking your side. When you return, you do exactly what you told Satine, you lie on your bed and rest, or at least try to.

***

When Obi-Wan sensed the memory you were thinking of, he was no longer able to focus on the important matter at hand. Even after the bombing on Mandalore after you left and him nearly being crushed to death on Concordia, he found himself thinking about it. He remembers that day so clearly; the first time he truly gave into his temptations.

He had worked so hard to stay in the Jedi Order- nobody wanted him as a Padawan. He was always not enough and it was only by fate that Qui-Gon decided to take him under his wing. He knew better than anyone that the title of Jedi was invaluable and there you were making him question everything he ever knew. He knew Jedi weren’t supposed to form attachments or express their emotions, so why did he keep indulging himself with your presence.

The moment you kissed him, Obi-Wan’s instinct was to run. He was powerless against the attachment he had to you, so he knew the best way to stop it was to completely remove himself from the situation. He had every intention of doing so when he pulled away the first time, but then his other instincts kicked in. He felt the feel of your hands on his face, the closeness of your body, and realized there was no way he could let this go, at least not now.

Days after the kiss, Obi-Wan was filled with disgust at himself. He hated that he let himself indulge. He hated how he completely disregarded everything he was ever taught. He hated the fact that he loved every second of it, and what he hated most of all is that he began to wonder how it would feel to kiss your neck, skin, and other very un Jedi-like places.

Because of this, the months of progress the two of you made in your relationship were completely erased. He knew it was unfair to you, but he had to uphold the morals of a Jedi, and being around you made that goal impossible. He reverted back to the arrogant and guarded Padawan and pushed you away every time you tried to fix things.

But his efforts were fruitless. You knew Obi-Wan and were not able to let go of his sudden change in personality.

His Master also noticed the sudden change in relationship and decided to take matters in his own hands. He decided to send the two of you off on a mission to retrieve some sort of plant and herb. The two of you walked through the woods, The entire trip, Obi-Wan ignored every attempt of yours to engage in conversation and didn’t even truly acknowledge your presence. You finally decided to confront him, to his dismay.

“Was it truly that horrifying to kiss me, Obi-Wan”

“What?” He said, trying to keep the act up.

“Was it so bad to the point of ignoring me,” You pushed, getting angrier by the minute.

“I hardly see how that is relevant to the current task at han-” He began to deflect but was cut off by you grabbing his shoulder and whipping him around. Angry tears began to form in your eyes and at the site, Obi-Wan felt his facade crack.

“You don’t get to decide to drop me when things get hard, Obi-Wan” You spat, emphasizing your words by jabbing your finger on his chest.

Obi-Wan tried. He tried so hard to stay away from you. But the look of anger and heartbreak on your face made him, give into your spell, once again. He grabbed your hand and looked into your eyes.

He knew he was going to hate himself after, like last time, but the temporary pleasure it brought was impossible to resist, so he kissed you.

The kiss was hard and full of anger: anger at you, at himself, at the Jedi Order, and at the world for making you his weakness. You instantly reacted bringing your hand around to run through his short auburn hair and pulling your body as close as possible.

Obi-Wan deepened the kiss, letting his tongue explore the inners of your mouth, inciting a moan from your lips. Obi-Wan felt himself flush from the obscene sound and couldn’t help but feel bolder from the thought of bringing you pleasure. He started to kiss along your jawline and down your neck, his brain becoming muddled from the pleasure of it all.

You had begun to take off his robes and that was when he came to his senses. He knew he had to stop this, it was completely un Jedi-like and uncivilized, especially out in the open. His thoughts were immediately shut down however when you slid your hand down his chest. He decided to burn every single pleasure and feeling into memory and worry later. Your hand began to venture between his legs and that was the second time Obi-Wan gave into temptation.

You were all he could think about while fighting on Concordia, and he knew this was why Jedi don’t form attachments. Just the memory of your relationship caused his judgement to be clouded. He couldn’t imagine how he would have been if you were there during the fight with Death Watch: constantly worried, focused on an individual rather than the greater good.

He was relieved to get on to the Coronet and away from the memory of his failures as a Jedi, but that relief was short-lived when he saw you boarding the ship alongside Satine.

***

Satine, as strong-willed as ever, insisted on you going to Coruscant with her. She didn’t want you to be alone on Mandalore, vulnerable to the rapidly more aggressive Death Watch attacks. Once aboard the ship, you settle into your temporary room and head down to meet back up with the Duchess, who was currently discussing her position of neutrality with other senators down the hall.

As you walk towards the meeting, you run into a young, handsome man and Obi-Wan. You immediately freeze, not prepared for the sudden direct interaction and just stare at him. “O-Obi-Wan” You stutter out, not knowing how to fully go about this.

Obi-Wan looks equally as startled, but recovers quickly and introduces you to the younger man.

“(Y/N), this is Anakin Skywalker, my Padawan and Anakin this is Adviser (L/N).”

You tear your eyes away from Obi-Wan’s and quickly greet Anakin with a nod and small smile. Wordlessly, you walk through the door and head to Satine’s side, not before hearing the Padawan say, “On a first name basis, huh, Master?” and a small grunt following a hitting noise.

The meeting was full of high tensions, many, including Obi-Wan, disagreeing with Mandalore’s neutrality. It was always an issue when brought up, and even you saw the issues with it. The idea of staying neutral and not interfering in a war is noble but is much harder in execution and can cause more turmoil in the long run.

As soon as the meeting is dismissed, you file out of the room, trying to avoid any more confrontation. You head to the room where you are supposed to have dinner and find Satine waiting for you.

Obi-Wan enters the room, walking with other leaders. All you had to do was get to Coruscant. Once there you can get out of here and not have to think about Obi-Wan Kenobi ever again. You zone out for most of the meal, not noticing the nervous atmosphere starting to settle over everyone or the warning Obi-Wan gives about a situation going on below decks.

You are suddenly pulled out of your own head, when you hear him yell to the guards about securing the lifts. You see the blue light of Obi-Wan’s lightsaber and Satine quickly stands up from the table, bringing you with her.

A horrifying crunching sound is heard and the doors to the lift begins to wrench open, revealing a giant spider droid. It easily knocks down the guards and clambers onto the table, quickly approaching the group of senators. Obi-Wan goes into action and severs the spider droid's legs and lands a fatal lightsaber wound to its head.

The people around you breathe a sigh of relief but soon find out that it's far from over. Miniature spider droids begin to pop out of the body of the larger one and spread out to box the group of you in. Senators begin freaking out, but you and Satine know better. Years of dealing with the pushback of the people have forced you to learn how to defend yourself. Not to mention, the year spent with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan required you to spend quite a bit of time learning to fight. You and Satine immediately pull out your deactivators and get to work killing the droids.

Obi-Wan joins the fight with his lightsaber and the two of you fall into the instinctual rhythm from all those years ago. Back to back, slowly turning, ensuring the other doesn’t get too overwhelmed by the enemy. As much as you hate being reminded of your once very close relationship, it's easier to connect to him through the ease of physical touch. You can predict his movements and fighting techniques, making it much easier to interact than dialogue. Once all, except one, of the droids are eliminated, Obi-Wan turns towards you and seems as if he has something to say but quickly stops himself and walks away to check on the others. The adrenaline coursing through your veins from the fight keeps you on edge however, even after you return to your seat.

It stays with you, even when Anakin returns to inform Obi-Wan that there is a seperatist among you. The surviving spider droid is walked around the table, a test to see who it won’t attack. When Obi-Wan reaches Tal Merrik, a sudden change in the droid's hostile behavior proves him to be a traitor.

You watch in horror as Tal grabs Satine and holds a blaster to her head. The adrenaline from the previous fight serves you well because, even before Obi-Wan has time to react to the sudden change in severity of the situation, a fallen guard’s blaster, set to stun, is in your hand and has already raised and fired at the Senator. He quickly falls, releasing Satine.

You release a shaky breath and everyone, including Obi-Wan, stares in shock at your quick save.

“T-thank you,” Satine says, obviously shaken from almost being held hostage.

You nod in acknowledgment and watch as Tal Merrik is put into custody.

For obvious reasons, all the senators decide to retire to their rooms for the rest of the night.

Exhausted emotionally and physically, you do the same and head to your room after making sure Satine arrived at hers safely. You are about to relax into your bed when you hear a knock at the door. You open it to find Obi-Wan standing there, looking rather uncomfortable. “What do you want, Obi-Wan,” you sigh, tired of hiding from your past.

“I thought that we could talk”

“You are the last person to want to talk about feelings, Obi” You say turning around and heading back into the room, silently allowing him access to your space.

He walks in and closes the door behind him and leans against the wall opposite of you.

“I thought it would be a benefit to the both of us if we just talk”

“What do you want me to say Obi-Wan?” You raise your voice, tired of his roundabout way of talking.

“Do you want me to say I’m in love with you? But you already knew that didn’t you, all those years ago, and you still left” you accuse spitefully, not believing that you could somehow still have feelings for such an emotionally constipated man.

His face contorts into one of regret and grief at the mention of his abandoning you, but you still don’t let up.

“I think it’s better if you just go, Obi Wan. It’s what you do best.” You spit out, turning around to face away from him.

You hear him push off the wall and begin to move, but instead of leaving like you told him to, he walks up to you. You sense his presence against your back and he is so close you can feel his breath gently hitting the back of your neck. He stands there and lightly touches your hand with his own, breathing you in, again resorting to physical touch when his words fail. You bask in the closeness of him, giving into the way you missed his touch.

After a few moments, you hear him sigh and pull away from you.

“Had you said the word, I would have left the Jedi Order”

With that confession, he slowly leaves and shuts the door, leaving you more confused and heartbroken than ever.

#obi-wan kenobi x reader #obi wan kenobi #obi wan oneshot #obi wan x reader #obiwan #obi wan headcanon #clone wars x reader #obi wan angst #obi wan smut #starwars x reader

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atths--twice · 3 years

Text

An Unexpected Discovery

An alternate universe in which Mulder and Scully are college professors working in buildings across from one another. They have become close, but one day, he learns something about her he never would have expected.

A couple of days ago, @msgilliana posted a tweet about an AU involving Mulder and Scully which led to a mini story being created by both of us. People asked for a REAL story, but it wasn’t my baby, I had only added a bit to an adorable idea. I suggested she and I collaborate and we two women, who were “too busy right now,” cranked out a 7,700 word story in two days.

Hope you all enjoy!

Fox Mulder knew the start of the new academic year could be daunting for new faculty: Am I teaching this class correctly? Is my syllabus adequate? Where the hell do I park?

When he saw one person in particular however, he knew she meant business. They never technically met, but it was more of a ‘we parked next to each other and your building is right next to mine, so we might as well chat’ situation.

“Hi,” he’d said when he saw her, the first of them to speak. He had been drawn to her beauty, her red hair causing her to stand out.

“Hello,” she’d responded.

“Are you new?” he’d asked.

She pushed a stray piece of that beautiful red hair behind her ear. “Is it that obvious?”

“Oh no, I just have an eidetic memory and haven’t seen you before.” She was impressed, and her face revealed as much before he asked another question.

“What do you teach?”

“A mix. Some general physics, some intro to modern physics. You?”

“Wow, that’s quite impressive. I teach psych. Intro, abnormal, and social. Most people think it’s a ‘soft’ science, but I think it’s pretty important.”

“Psychology is interesting to be fair. Why do people do what they do, what determines our likes and dislikes, or even hyperfixations. And that’s just scratching the surface.”

“I have never met anyone from the science department who sees it that way. It’s quite refreshing, if you don’t mind me saying.”

“Well, my sister’s very into feelings, the energy of the planets, all that kind of stuff. She and I are very close. Well… this is my building.” She pointed to the one right next to the one he would be entering.

“And this is mine. How convenient. I’ll see you around Dr…”

“Scully. Dana Scully.”

“Fox Mulder.” He offered his hand and she shook it.

“Nice to meet you, Dr. Mulder.”

“Oh please, no ‘Dr.’ That’s so boringly formal. ‘Mulder’ is fine,” he had joked with a mock shiver.

“Then you can call me ‘Scully.’” She chuckled and then smiled at him. As he stared at her, he couldn’t help but notice the presence of a beauty mark above her top lip. She had covered it with makeup and he didn’t understand why she would, it was adorable and also incredibly sexy.

Oh, maybe that’s why, he thought, knowing how men could behave.

Pushing aside those thoughts, he smiled as they reached their respective buildings and separated, walking to their offices.

Over time, they’d gotten to know more about each other. He knew she was twenty six and had received her doctorate two years prior. She was Catholic with two older siblings, a brother and a sister, the latter of whom had an interest in all things extraterrestrials, and she also had one younger brother.

Before the end of her first teaching year, they’d managed to park next to each other almost every day. They would chat for the few minutes their walk to the building afforded them, until they had to separate to their own offices. They both looked forward to that time together each day.

At the year's commencement, they had sat next to each other, and she looked extraordinarily extravagant in her doctoral robe and cap. She would say the same about him.

The following school year, they had gone from their morning chats to leaving at the same time as well. It quickly turned into one accompanying the other to their office and continuing their conversations. While almost polar opposites, they felt comfortable with each other and talked about any and everything.

Of all the little things he knew about her, the one thing Mulder knew Scully prided herself on most was punctuality. He knew she arrived in the parking lot at exactly 8:05 every Tuesday and Thursday before her first class began at 8:30. The other three days, she arrived at exactly 9:25 am for her 10 am class. His classes were all later in the day, but he came in early for office hours and to get work done before his classes.

A couple of months later, however, it was 9:27 on a Wednesday morning and she was nowhere to be found. In the nearly one and a half years since she’d been teaching, Scully had never been late. Though he was curious, he decided to head into his office and start his day.

His work, however, didn’t hold his attention. He couldn’t stop thinking about her. What was she doing? Was she sick? Was there a family emergency? She had mentioned that her siblings lived all across the country. Her older brother Bill was in California where he was stationed with his wife Tara. Melissa was traveling, “finding herself” Scully had stated with a slight eye roll, and Charlie was in New York with his girlfriend Elaine. Her parents were in Annapolis, about an hour's drive from the school.

Shaking himself out of his reverie, he decided to email her, something he’d never done nor had any need to do.

Scully,

Are you okay?

Mulder

He forewent formalities because he felt they were on friendly enough terms, or at least he had assumed so. They hadn’t ever socialized outside of school events, but he had lost count of the high school and college friends he no longer spoke to or had only seen on campus.

He was about to get ready to teach his first class of the day when he checked his email one more time and saw a reply from her.

I’m fine.

Nothing further, not even her name, but at least he now knew she was okay. Or at least, Mulder hoped so. She would’ve said if something was wrong.

Right?

He didn’t sleep well that night, his brain unable to stop thinking and wondering if she was okay.

The next day, she still hadn’t arrived on time. He was in his office, about to send her another email, when he heard a car door slam around 8:15. The building was fairly soundproof, but the windows were not.

Curious, he got up from his desk and looked out the window. Seeing Scully’s car, he immediately smiled. She was a little late, but she was there. His brows then furrowed when she opened the door to the backseat. Bending inside, she was there for nearly a minute.

When she pulled back, he let out a gasp as she had reappeared with a small child in her arms. He could see the little girl was limp and appeared to be asleep. Observing Scully’s struggle to get her bags from the front seat while also carrying the child, he quickly left his office.

He tried to keep his pace slow, so as to not disrupt his colleagues, but his mind was racing with a million questions. Mulder made it outside, but didn’t see Scully. Assuming she must’ve gotten to her office already, he hurried up the stairs; he was out of breath when he reached the third floor.

Looking around, he heard a ding, announcing the arrival of the elevator down the hall. The doors opened and he spotted her shining red hair as she exited the elevator, and turned toward her office. Speed walking, he made it to her office at the same moment that she did.

“Oh, God. Mulder, you scared me,” she whispered when she saw him, breathing quickly as she reached for her keys.

“Sorry,” he whispered, matching her volume.

Scully took a minute to find her keys, only having one hand free for the action. She finally got her office unlocked, the little girl sleeping through it all. Propping the door open, she left the light off and set her bags down, a bright pink Dora the Explorer backpack standing out. She picked it up and held it out to him.

“Can you…” she asked him, nodding at the child in her arms.

“Oh. Um, sure. What…”

“Her blanket, please.”

He unzipped the bag and pulled out a small blue blanket with Thomas the Train across it. Versatile, I like it, thought Mulder. He couldn’t help but feel his heart grow as he watched the way she was with the little girl he assumed had to be her daughter.

“Mommy…” the toddler suddenly croaked.

“Shh, baby, it’s okay.” Scully’s voice was soothing and soft for the girl as she ran a hand across her daughter’s long loose curls. It was different from her no-nonsense, low-pitched professor voice, and it made his heart ache.

She mouthed a thank you to Mulder and took the blanket from him. The little girl whimpered as she was covered in the blanket and snuggled closer to her mother. Scully rocked her and smiled at Mulder.

“I’m sure you have some questions.”

“Just a few.”

She sighed and looked at her child. “Please, sit.”

He obeyed, watching as she carefully sat in her leather desk chair.

“How old is she?” Mulder asked.

“Almost three.”

“Wow, you’ve got your hands full. What’s her name?”

“Emily.” Scully smiled as she rubbed Emily’s back over the blanket.

Awkward silence washed over them as they both ignored the elephant in the room. Scully wasn’t married and didn’t wear a ring. She had never talked about her child before, let alone a partner that could be the child’s father.

“You’ve shared so much, why not her?”

She sighed again. “I don’t know. I guess I thought… that you would judge me. Everyone else sure does, except Missy and Charlie.”

“You know I’d never.”

“I do, but I was also worried. And I guess I wanted to keep her secret for as long as possible.” She avoided his gaze as she spoke.

“I don’t want to sound insensitive, but I do have one more burning question…”

“You want to know about her dad,” Scully guessed and he looked at her sadly and shrugged, not speaking the words, but obviously curious.

“His name’s Ethan and he had been my boyfriend since grad school. I found out I was pregnant the day I defended my dissertation. We broke up about halfway through my pregnancy. He hadn’t ever wanted children, but also didn’t want to use protection. I… well… now Em’s here. That’s the extremely simplified version.”

Mulder’s eyes were wide as he took in the information. He thought she was pretty badass to be able to raise a kid on her own. He could also hear how she may feel shame about it, because of others' comments and also how society tended to treat women who were single parents.

She sighed and he realized that he hadn’t said anything in response. Feeling like a bit of a jackass, he opened his mouth to speak, but she suddenly stood up and shook her head.

“Sorry to cut this short,” she said, glancing at her watch. “But my first class starts soon and I need to get her stuff to bring.”

He shook his head and stood as well. “I can watch her, if it would make it easier for you.”

“Oh, no. I couldn’t-“

“I insist. Besides, I don’t think she’ll like listening to her mother talk about super smart science stuff.”

“It’ll probably bore her to death,” she agreed with a chuckle.

“Then it’s settled then.”

“Are you sure?” Her expression gave away her uncertainty, her eyes searching his face.

“Really, I’d love to. I promise we’ll just stay in here while you teach.”

“You need to be in your office, Mulder. I can’t do that to you.”

“Then we can go to mine. Look, Scully, I promise we’ll be okay, okay?”

She sighed for the third time. “Okay. I should wake her though, let her know I’m leaving and let her see you. I don’t want her waking up without me and crying. Hey, Em,” she said softly, gently patting her back, waking the child.

“Mama…”

“Hey honey, Mama has to teach her class now. You’re going to spend some time with Mulder today, okay? He’s mommy’s friend.”

The toddler lifted her head and looked at him fearfully, tears running down her cheeks.

“Hey, Emily,” Mulder greeted. “It’s nice to meet you. Do you like Dora? She’s pretty cool.” Emily didn’t answer, but embraced Scully tighter.

“I know baby, but Mommy really needs to get to class. Mulder is a very nice man and he will take care of you. He has fish in his office. Do you want to see them?” She nodded, her eyes still full of tears.

Emily was gently passed to Mulder, Scully making sure she was wrapped in her blanket. The little girl sniffed and whimpered as she watched her mom blow her a kiss and then leave the room, thanking him once again.

“Would you like to go on a trip, Emily?” he asked, hoping to ease the tension. She looked at him, her expression unsure and still slightly fearful. “Let’s go see the fish, okay?” She nodded and he beamed.

He grabbed her backpack and swung it onto his back, closing the door to Sculy’s office as they walked out. He locked the door with the keys he’d taken off her desk, knowing she would come to his before coming back to her own.

Emily was trembling slightly in his arms and he held her closer as they walked to the elevator.

“Would you like to go outside? It feels nice out today.”

Emily slowly nodded her head, her thumb on the tip of her bottom lip, as she put her head on his shoulder. He stepped out of the elevator and then the building. He walked into the little courtyard separating the science and education/psychology buildings. The little girl lifted her head just enough to look around.

“‘Nola,” Emily said quietly, as she pointed with her little finger.

“What was that, Em?” Mulder asked, at a loss of what she was trying to say.

“‘Nola,” she repeated louder.

He looked at the direction she was pointing and chuckled when he realized what she meant. “Oh, you like the magnolia tree?”

Mulder was impressed by her intelligence. Of course, her mother had gotten her doctorate at twenty-four, which was not common amongst the other faculty. Even he hadn’t received his until just before she had started teaching, and he was thirty, nearly thirty-one.

“You’re very smart, Emily,” Mulder praised, but the little girl was uninterested. She put her head back on his shoulder, falling asleep before they made it to the office.

As he arrived at the door, he realized he had left his door unlocked when he found it hanging open and one of his teaching assistants, Tyler, was grading papers.

“Oh, sorry Dr. M, but the door was unlocked and…” Tyler started, but was confused as he saw Emily in his arms.

“I’m watching her for a friend,” Mulder said simply, putting her backpack down on the desk. Tyler nodded and went back to grading papers.

Emily continued to sleep, Mulder holding her as he sat down at his desk. Even as he held her, he managed to send a slowly-typed email to a student about the midterm, enter the test grades Tyler had given him, and sent out an announcement to the class about their extra credit assignment.

Looking down at Emily, he smiled. Other than her blonde hair, she was a mirror image of Scully and he couldn’t imagine anyone but her having a sweeter child.

Tyler left soon after he was done grading, smiling and nodding silently as he walked out the door. Emily began to stir, her eyes slowly opening and taking in her surroundings.

“Hey there, Em,” he said softly, and the toddler mumbled, clutching her blanket closer.

“Do you want to see the fish now?” She nodded and he stood up, his back protesting at the position he had been in for the past forty five minutes. He shifted her to hold her better and walked across the room to show her the fish.

“Oh!” she said, watching the fancy guppies he had bought swimming around the tank. “Fishies!” She pointed at the tank and he grinned.

“Yup! Those are fancy guppies. Can you say guppy?”

“Guppy.”

“Good job,” he said, smiling again and rubbing her back. “See that one there? The blue one with the red spotted tail? That’s my favorite one. Watch how fast he swims.”

“Fish swim fast,” she agreed with a nod and he chuckled, shifting her again.

“They are fast. Good job, Em! Gimme five.” She laughed as she lifted her tiny hand and met Mulder’s large one.

“Having fun?” Scully asked and they turned to look at her, standing in the doorway with a smile.

“Mommy!” Emily said, trying to scramble out of Mulder’s arms. He laughed as he set her down and she ran to Scully, who lifted the squealing toddler in her arms.

“Hey, baby.” Scully kissed Emily’s cheek and looked at Mulder. “Were you good for Mulder?”

Emily vigorously nodded her head while Mulder laughed. “She was very good. She’s a smart kid.”

“She takes after her mother.” The two adults smiled and Emily wrapped her arms around Scully’s neck. “Thank you for looking after her. I only had the one class today, but she was sick yesterday and I had babysitter problems and-“

“I promise it was no trouble and completely my pleasure. She slept most of the time, but she liked the fish. The guppies, right Em?”

“Guppy,” she said with a nod, pointing at the tank. “Guppy fish, Mommy.”

“Yes, I know. I knew you would like them.” Scully smiled. “Hey, are you free tonight?”

“Umm. I… no, I mean yes I’m free.”

“Well, let me buy you a drink. It’s the least I can do to thank you for your help.”

His heart raced. This was the moment he’d been waiting for since he had first looked at her.

“Um, sure, I mean… yeah, I’d love to,” he stammered.

Great job, doofus, he admonished himself, inwardly rolling his eyes.

“Great. I’ll sort out a babysitter for tonight and I’ll see you at six? I’ll send you my address.”

If he didn’t know any better, he’d think Scully was inviting him out on a date. Did she see it that way? They’d never spent time together outside of university functions, but he hoped she’d see it as a date, as he would love for it to be so.

He smiled as he nodded and she smiled back. She lifted Emily a little higher, telling her about her class as Emily continued staring at the fish. The way she doted on her daughter and how her red hair shone in the light, he could feel he was already falling for her.

Yeah… he was in big trouble.

#The X-Files #XF Fanfic #Fanfic Collab #Dana Scully #Fox Mulder #Emily Sim #Modern AU #College Professors #First Meetings #Getting to Know Each Other

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cutest-bug · 3 years

Text

Interview with Adrien Agreste! Subject: The Oxygen Project.

Conducted by Alya Cesaire

Ok so I haven’t been able to stop thinking about this addition to a post I made on my main blog about Adrien low key trashing the Agreste brand the way Robert Pattinson does Twilight. I know it was meant to be more of a goofy idea but my head is full of angst and this is what I came up with at 4 a.m. lol.

Alya smiles warmly as Adrien settles into the seat across from her.

“Are you ready?” She asks. He gives her a slightly nervous smile but nods. She nods to Nino who hits record and Adriens face immediately smoothes over into a pleasant and unreadable mask. It’s actually a little freaky to watch.

It’s a Monday afternoon and they’re set up in the art room during their lunch period. Adrien looks as perfectly neutral as always. Non flashy designer labels and tousled hair that probably took 20 minutes to style. For once though, his actions will be a little less perfect and easy to swallow.

“Hi Adrien, thanks for agreeing to an interview on the Ladyblog, I’m glad we could finally do this.”

He smiles and considers for a moment before answering, tiling his head a degree, “The pleasure is mine Alya, especially since I’m the one who approached you about doing this.”

That’s true. Right after the class joined Mylene and Ivan for their protest of the Oxygen Project Adrien asked to speak with her. He was upset that he had been tricked into modeling for the project without knowing what it was for. While most of his die hard fans had gotten wind he didn’t support it, he wanted to farther remedy the situation and use his position to reach a wider audience. Of course there weren’t many platforms he could do that on behind his fathers back, hence asking for Alya’s help.

“Still, I know interviews aren’t your favorite. Otherwise I probably would have asked you a while ago.”

Adrien smiled again, a little more genuinely (the one she knew Marinette was so fond of), “I don’t really like probing questions from journalists about my personal life. The fact that you’ve never asked or taken advantage of knowing me means a lot. I trust you.”

“Personally I think it’s a little crazy you have to do all of those interviews at all. You’re only 15, your life shouldn’t be so public.”

Adrien lets the smile fall several degrees. It’s deliberate, he’s letting people see his discomfort, “Well, it kind of goes hand and hand with all of the modeling. I’m the face of the Agreste brand.”

Alya nods and looks down at the papers in her lap, “Which is the point of our interview today, really.” They had agreed on what was and wasn’t to be talked about before hand, however they don’t have a planned out dialogue. They agreed that they both do well with more organic conversation, and it’s important the interview comes off as very genuine.

Adrien nods in agreement and Alya continues, “Now that the plan for the Oxygen Project is officially canceled, it’s time to clear up what your involvement with the promotion of it was. Nearly everyone in Paris saw the ads that ran.” Unfortunately it had been to late for Mayor Bourgeois to cancel the first few days of ads. For nearly a week Adriens face played on every television in the city, telling everyone about what a great breath of fresh air the project would be.

Alya hands him the first photo in her lap. It’s of him with the class after they first arrived at the protest, looking interested but not particularly emotional yet. It’s from the video that she filmed, but there was a pretty low view rate on the protest coverage. The interview with Adrien will probably get anywhere from 3 to 5 times as many.

“What not everyone realizes is that you were present during the planned tree cutting ceremony and following protest. So what was going on for you at this point in the day Adrien?”

“Our whole class had just gone to the park to support Mylene and Ivan, our friends who lead the protest. Right after we arrived Mylene started arguing with the Mayor about whether the project was good for the environment or not.”

“That girl has a hidden fire!” Alya adds, “I have a section dedicated to activism on the blog now. The video from the whole day is there but I also posted some smaller segments explaining the conflict and a few more that Mylene recommended on how to get involved.”

Adrien gave his most genuine smile yet, “I watched those! I hope your viewers take the time to check them out. I know the super hero fights are exciting, I mean I’ve been glued to your blog from the start, but I’m glad people like Mylene and Ivan are reminding us to keep our eyes on the big picture too.”

Alya nods, “So am I. Ok, it was during this argument that the ad was first shown correct?”

Adrien lets the smile fall completely this time, “Yes. Apparently the plan was always to air it for the first time during the tree cutting ceremony. It was also the first time I’d seen it.”

“I’m sure most of our viewers have seen it already, so I’m not going to play it now,” Adrien shoots her a grateful look, “Adrien, she says kindly, “I remember how surprised you were when the ad played. Do you want to tell everyone why?”

Adrien looks down at his hands, “I hadn’t known what the ad was for when I filmed it. I thought it was another one of those silly perfume commercials.” Alya isn’t sure if him saying “silly” was a slip up or on purpose but she struggles not to laugh.

“Did someone tell you it was a perfume commercial or did you just assume when you were given the script?”

“I was told it was for perfume.”

“Can I ask who by?”

She thinks the discomfort is genuine this time. Everything else is the video isn’t that bad, but this line could bring hell for him.

“My father told me it was.”

This isn’t news for Nino or Alya but she pauses for a long moment to let viewers digest that before asking her next question, “Do you know why he lied to you?”

“I suppose he thought I wouldn’t be ok with doing it otherwise.”

Alya smiles, a little proud, before handing him another picture. She’ll edit them into the screen for viewers to see later, “Well he thought correctly. Here’s a picture of you standing with Mylene and our friend Marinette, forming a physical barrier so the trees wouldn’t be cut down,” she pauses for a moment while Adrien examines the picture, “I gotta say, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so angry.”

“I had just found out my image was going to be used to promote an anti-ecological plan that would harm our city. My friends had spent months trying to prevent it. I was furious.”

And Bam! As soon as she posts this video Adrien’s empty head, pretty face, good boy persona is shattered. He just admitted to having feelings. Angry ones. Directed at his father. Not to mention opinions on political matters. That is not the pretty face most of Paris is familiar with and fawns over.

“I’d be angry too,” Alya sympathizes.

Adrien puts the photo down and looks at her with a serious expression, “That’s the main reason I wanted to do this interview. For better or worse I have a lot of sway with my fans and public opinion. There’s still some controversy about the Oxygen Project being canceled so I want to be very clear that I do not stand with it,” he looks directly into the camera, “The oxygen project would have only helped the people profiting from it. The only ethical solutions for our city, and the whole world, are complicated, long term, sustainable options that will protect and rejuvenate our planet. No one has said it better than Mylene and Ivan so please go check out those videos under the activism section. Help if you can, and spread the word about the truth. It’s important that people know when they’re being lied to by a corporate campaign.”

Alya realized she stopped breathing for a moment because oh my god that was so good. She manages to quietly clear her throat and thank Adrien for the interview again. He plasters back on his polite smile and they give a brief hug before she gestures to Nino to stop filming.

“OH MAN! That was awesome!” Nino pulls Adrien into a one armed hug and doesn’t let go.

Adrien smiles a little bashfully, “You think? It wasn’t to much?”

“No way Adrien,” Alya cuts in, “the whole thing was great but that bit at the end? Amazing. Mylene will be thrilled.”

Nino pulls away from their friend a bit and clasps his shoulder, “Are you going to be ok though? Your old man is not going to be cool with like, any of that, is he?”

Adrien purses his lips and shrugs, “Don’t worry about my dad, I can handle him.”

Alya can see the fake nonchalance a mile away. Marinette is the queen of it after all, so she tells him, “Adrien this is really brave of you but I just want to make sure you know you’re in charge of this narrative. I probably won’t finish editing everything until tomorrow because I have a project to finish tonight. If you change your mind there’s no hard feelings. Or if there’s something you decide you want left out I’ll work some editing magic.”

Adrien smiles but her words don’t seem to relieve any tension, “Thanks Alya, it means a lot. By the way, where’s Marinette? I thought she was coming?”

“She’s probably just got caught up with something but I’ll see if she messaged me.” Alya checks her phone and realizes she left it on silent after the test last period. No texts from Marinette, but there is an akuma alert which explains her absence. She tries to ignore the immediate twinge of worry.

Adrien suddenly looks up from his own phone and rushes to grab his bag, “I actually got to go, my dad wants me home until the akuma attack is over. Best keep my head down until the bomb drops tomorrow right?” He rushes out before Alya or Nino can respond.

Nino sighs after his best friend runs out, “It’s so unfair he’s having to rectify his dad’s bad choices.”

Alya takes his hand, “I know. Something tells me this won’t be the last time he does so either. We’ll be there to support him though.” Her boyfriend gives her a soft smile and she kisses him on the cheek, “Come on, I want footage of that akuma fight.”

Nino glances down at his phone, “Actually it looks like the fight just ended a minute ago.”

“Wow that was short. It couldn’t have gone longer than the ten minutes we did the interview with Adrien for.”

“You’ll catch the next one,” he grins at her, “one way or another.”

She laughs, “okay turtle boy, let’s go get some lunch before we have to head back to class.”

They run into a slightly dejected Adrien on the way. He gives them an interview smile. They all find Marinette and get lunch. They keep the conversation light and avoid talking about the bomb Alya’s going to post tomorrow.

This is self indulgent. I really need Adrien taking some control of his life and standing up to his dad. Yes it’s painful but it’s so important that Adrien puts some distance between them in the public eye before Gabriel is revealed as Hawkmoth. I’m just hoping that can actually happen in canon but I have many fears this season.

#miraculous ladybug #adrien agreste #mega leech #alya cesaire #nino lahiffe #theres adrienette is you squint lol #im going to be honest i don't think there's anywhere this is a perfect fit chronologically in the season #it's just inspired by mega leech and the general trend of the season #with adrien becoming more and more frustrated #and that hopefully leading to him taking more action in his personal life #i hope i hope #my post #my fic

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yicruz48 · 4 years

Text

Teen Titans Review #43

July/14/2020.

This issue is the continuation of the Teen Titans (Emiko, Wallace, Roundhouse and Crush) investigating the murder of Brother Blood.

The issue begins with Damian fighting crime in Gotham City and collecting data on KG Beast that I believe he uses later in the issue to find him. He is again sputtering insults at Batman’s way of handling things which seems to be his default inner monologue under Robbie Thompson.

And while I agree Batman methods aren’t the best, it makes Damian seem like a know-it-all that somehow knows more about fighting crime than his father who has spent longer fighting against it. For me personally, this makes Damian to be foolishly ignorant.

As Damian starts to struggle against his opponents Jon suddenly swoops in to assist him.

Although I admit I was pleasantly surprised to see Jon appear again in Teen Titans (even if it was aged-up Jon) there is apart of me that felt like this essentially useless to the story.

Jon expresses his concern for Damian’s future, he confesses that he has heard and seen things while with the Legion that has made him worry about Damian. I’m not sure if this implies Jon knows about what has been going on in the batfamiy or with Teen Titans although it surely confirms Jon is concerned.

Although not concerned enough to further question if Damian is really okay. What really frustrates me is that a correctly-written Jon would not just settle with, “I am fine, Jonathan,” especially if Damian turned his back on him as he answered (clearly indicating that he wasn’t okay). The real Jon would most likely continue to annoy Damian about what's going on until he confesses. The real Jon would possibly drop everything with the Legion to watch over Damian.

Unless, (and I hate to say this) this is an indication that Damian and Jon’s friendship is wavering and drifting apart. In other words, what we may be witnessing is the end of their friendship.

We are then taken back to Mercy Hall where Emiko (Mainly Emiko) and Wallace are analyzing dirt from Brother Blood’s lair to determine the murderer. Before cutting off to Crush and Roundhouse we are told the murderer intentionally left evidence behind to leave a message to the team. This tells us the suspect is connected to the team.

While Crush and Roundhouse take down more Blood Cult safe houses they discover new information about Brother Blood’s plans before dying.

What we find out:

-> Brother Blood wanted to control the whole city with his toxic chemicals.

-> First on Brother Blood’s hit list was the Teen Titans. Which isn’t surprising since essentially Brother Blood and Black Mask were in Damian’s prison the longest. Its only natural he would want to get revenge on the Teen Titans so much they were first on his list.

I guess this also highlights that Damian is actually afraid, if he wasn’t fearful that Brother Blood would kill his former team members then he would’ve let Brother Blood let them have it. I guess...thank you for the little compassion Robbie?

The Teen Titans (Emiko, Wallace, Roundhouse and Crush) then regroup to share what information they’ve found.

As Crush and Roundhouse reveal their findings Emiko reveals the culprit: Damian (surprise, surprise...not really).

I have to point this out, but one of the things that annoyed me the most of this issue was that Roundhouse was somehow surprised that Damian killed Brother Blood. Like out all of the Teen Titans Roundhouse should be the least surprised, I mean he was the who literally wanted to pin the team against Damian a few issues (specifically Issue 35 for those wondering):

So I don’t understand why the heck Roundhouse caught off guard by this revelation. I understand Crush, but Roundhouse? I don’t know if this was intentional or not but it made Roundhouse come off as fake and playing the emotion up in his favor. And this ended up making me hate Roundhouse even more than I already did.

But as much as hate him, I guess he was really saying the truth in issue 35:

“Robin’s got us all thinking that we’ve ‘solved crime. ’But really we’re all just pawns in his creepy obsession with showing up his old man.”

Because looking at the all the issues Robbie Thompson has collectively written, that is essentially what it seems like.

As the Teen Titans rush to get to Damian we see Damian still in Gotham city stalking his next prey; KG Beast.

Before we move on, I want to bring attention something that really disturbs me about these panels:

“But my path was determined by fate. By blood. By Batman himself.”

Damian is essentially saying here that he was destined to be a killer since birth, because of his legacies, because of his father. This literally goes against everything Gleason wrote in Robin: Son of Batman. Which literally proved that Damian’s upbringings and legacies don’t define him. They are apart of what he is but don’t make him...well him.

Honestly its devastating how much this trashes Gleason’s and Tomasi’s development.

Also, I am speculating that, “I know the future,” is referring to when Djinn showed Damian what his dream future held. You know the one he shed tears about because it was so beautiful or something? Yea, that one.

Moving on, as Damian is getting closer to make a move on KG Beast (for what essentially happened several months ago) the rest of the Teen Titan’s gang up on Damian. The fight against Damian begins with Roundhouse throwing the first punch.

Unsurprisingly, Damian manages to avoid anything the Titans throw at him (I say this because if you don’t remember, the Teen Titans haven’t had a chance to train with Damian except Emiko. Although even Emiko can’t take him down).

And motivated by pure blood-thirst and revenge Damian jumps on KG Beast and immediately starts attacking him in order to prove to the Teen Titans what real justice looks like. After again flawlessly moving past the Teen Titans the issue ends with Damian slicing one of KG Beast’s arms.

Conclusions:

-> Wouldn’t be surprised if that bit of dirt that Bruce found in Damian’s room was planted there by Damian intentionally in order to lead Bruce to him. Like why not? If we are shitting on Damian’s development might as will pull all the stops. PS: Surprised Bruce called Damian his son .

-> I hate Roundhouse, I really do. I need Robbie Thompson to at least do me a favor and make Roundhouse go poof like Djinn.

-> At the beginning of the Issue we are told Damian is “at crossroads” between deciding what path he will take. Toward the end of the issue, Emiko tells Damian he’s “crossed the line.” So I am taking a quick guess and assuming Damian has now made his decision which is essentially becoming an anti-hero.

-> I really hate that Damian is essentially pushing his murder agenda on the Teen Titans. As much as I despise Glass at least he wrote Damian as giving the Teen Titans a chance to work with him or not.

-> Don’t know if you noticed but most of this issue occurred in Gotham City, in other words: Batman’s city. Damian is really looking stupid by attacking KG Beast in Gotham City where Batman could easily bump into him as he makes the final blow.

-> I truly hate that Damian is wielding his sword. I saw his sword as a symbol as of a ‘new life’ and ‘redemption’ now it seems like a symbol for his regression.

-> A little confused as to how Damian plans to carry out this plan of “eliminating crime”, like with the help of who? He can’t achieve this on his own. And as skilled as Damian is, he’s not superhuman-enough for me to believe it could happen.

-> I’ve been seeing some people on twitter and tumblr claim that Damian didn’t really admit to murder but I personally took it as he did. I can see their side but I don’t know what to think of it besides, ‘I hope that is what it means and I am reading it wrong.”

-> Like to mention some theories I’ve seen:

- Damian didn’t really say he killed Bother Blood, so him killing is still not confirmed.

-This Issue mentions Fear a lot, it might be connected to the fear toxin.

- Djinn is behind Damian’s odd behavior.

-> Something I want to point out that I did not know if it was intentional or not by the artist:

Damian has this original rounded unity belt at the beginning of the issue:

And then brands a different rectangle utility belt for the rest of the issue:

I don’t know if this was Damian switching belts in order to not be tracked by Bruce or something else...

Also! Please do not move on just yet! Time to stand on my soap box again!

-> This is something I, @wesavegotham and @joejimmyjon have been discussing:

If you are buying TT issues you need to stop. Please don’t waste your precious money on this comic (plus *cough cough* there is literally websites for you read them for free. Its a bit of wait, spanning about 7-12 hours to be uploaded but this is a way to avoid giving this comic money). Save up your money for Deceased and Gotham Nights. Put your money where it deserves to be spent. Use your money to show DC the comics what your wiling to spend your money for.

-> Shout out to my fellow twitter Super Son accounts. Continue voicing your frustrations with DC under their posts (constructively of course). It was brought to my attention that my comment, along with some of my mutuals comments were feature in article. Some of them criticizing the unfair treatment of Damian.

If you don’t have a twitter account, I suggest you get one and join us in voicing our frustrations.

Okay, I am done now! If you haven't read Gotham Nights #12-13 and Hope at Worlds End GO READ IT NOW!!

Also I heard Patrick Gleason uploaded some livestreams on Instagram conveniently while we are mourning Damian’s regression.

Really good stories with Damian to cheer you up. All of them one dollar each on comixology.

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phaticserpent · 4 years

Note

Hi! Hey, uh, can I get some TFP Ratchet with a transgender male human headcanons? Nothing romantic, just like, father/son type thing.

MANSNSBDNSBMSJEMW RJENSUHE YES!!!!

Trigger warning: slur, bullying, mention of suicide

He doesn’t think much of you at first, you’re quiet and he appreciates that from you. Unlike Jack and Miko

He was assigned your guardian and Ratchet didn’t really complain, but he was a bit annoyed

The first few weeks were awkward. He noticed the bruises on your wrist, calves, and your cheek. He started getting concerned when they appeared frequently

“What happened?”

“Gym class.” You dismissed.

When Ratchet picked you up from school, you tried to escape as fast as you could. “Hey tr*nny! Gonna go get your boy shots?” Vince taunted. You closed the door, but Ratchet remained.

“What are you doing? Please, we need to get out of here.” You hissed. He started heading towards base but stopped nearby

“What did he mean? What’s a ‘tr*nny’?”

You told him you were transgender. He didn’t really understand at first

“Is it a style or something? Dress up? What is it Miko said, ‘tomboy’?”

After a few more minutes, he started to understand. We also have to face the fact that Cybertron doesn’t have sexism or gender stereotypes/discrimination

“Your world is quite judgemental.”

He starts looking into it and what he could do to help.

“Do you have a binder?”

“Uh, no. I’m saving up for it.”

He asks Raf to help, without telling him you’re trans. After school, you find a small package on the passenger seat.

“For you.”

“What is it?”

“Well you’re going to find out if you open it.”

You started crying when you realized it was a binder. Ratchet didn’t know what to do, he started panicking and thought you didn’t like it

“Are you okay? What’s wrong? Please stop crying! Did I do something wrong?”

“N-no! Thank you!! Thank you so much! But how?”

“Oh, I....uh, asked Raf to help me research what kinds were safer to use. Apparently we also needed your chest size, so I pulled up the examination I did on all four of you towards the beginning.”

You ask him if he could help you pick out a name. You two went through the entire list, trying to see which one fits/which one you like

“Alex?”

“Oakley?”

“Jay?”

“Arden?”

“Bailey? No, sounds like a girl.”

“Blake?”

Eventually you chose [Y/N]

You had another encounter with Vince and his gang. He said the same thing as before but you simply ignored him. Ratchet summoned his holoform and exited the vehicle.

“Ratchet, it’s okay, let’s go.” You tugged at his arm.

He ignored you, “you want to say that again?”

“Who are you?” Vince mocked.

“Someone you shouldn’t mess with. How about you leave [Y/N] alone.”

“[Y/N]? Oh, I see now. She picked out a boy’s name too.” Vince started laughing.

“A more manly name than ‘Vince’. So I suggest you shut your hole, unless you want more.”

The entire school laughed at Vince when they realized he peed his pants.

Ratchet helped you work up your courage when you came out to the rest of the team. They were accepting and didn’t need any explanations, except for Miko, who was still processing everything you had said. But eventually she caught up

As Ratchet dropped you off at home, he wondered if the bruises were from your parents.

“Do your parents know?”

“Yeah” / “No”

“They allowed me to get my own job so I could pay for my own stuff. I was saving up for a binder, but since I have that, I’m working my way to testosterone and top surgery.”

“They aren’t really......educated in this stuff. I don’t know how to break it to them that their ‘precious daughter’ turned out to be.....a boy.”

“They should love you either way.”

“Yeah.”

You went home and asked their opinion on transgender.

If they showed positive reactions to the topic, you came out, if they didn’t, you remained silently in the closet.

But word travels fast around Jasper, Nevada. Your parents found out either way.

if they were religiously strict, they kicked you out without hesitation. Ratchet drove you back to base. When it came time for you to sleep, Ratchet invited you to his berthroom.

Soon enough, you lived at base

Although you were grateful, you began doubting yourself. You didn’t think it would get better, so you went to the top of the base and stared down

You stopped to contemplate what would happen. How would the Autobots react? Then you saw the pile of rocks beside you

Ratchet had searched everywhere for you, he ascended and yelled at the machine to go faster in frustration and fear. When he found you at the ledge, his thoughts raced

“No......[Y/N] no!”

You almost fell in shock, but he caught you in time. He gave you a long lecture, but it was mostly ranting to himself

“I don’t know your experience, I don’t share the struggles you have......but I know the feeling of hopelessness. The constant worry that things will never get better. If you had taken your life, you can never see the progress you made.......you can talk to me or the other Autobots.....granted, I don’t think Bumblebee or Bulkhead would have sound advice, but we’re always here.”

“Thank you Ratchet.”

He helps you through depression. He can’t do much for dysphoria

“Did you know, that trans people have the corresponding brain to their gender?” Ratchet informed

“Huh?”

“You may not have the right parts, but you do have the right core. Trans men have a male brain and trans women have female brains. It’s quite interesting.”

Ratchet tries to get you testosterone, he’s a medical doctor but it proved to be difficult due to the fact that Ratchet needed a license in that field, or some form of permit

You then had to explain the procedure of how you had to get testosterone; through gender therapy.

“So many steps.” Ratchet scoffed. “You humans make everything difficult.”

If your hair was long : “Do you want to get a haircut?” He asked.

“Obviously, I just don’t know what style I want it to be.”

Miko offered to cut your hair but Ratchet declined

But it took a few years, when your doctor prescribed you with testosterone. The first person you told was Ratchet. He cheered and helped you apply the testosterone. If it was shots, he would make sure you did it correctly

“Stay still”

“No no no, not there!”

Ratchet starts seeing the changes in your voice, body and face. It took him a few days to get adjusted to the drastic changes

He was there with you when you got top surgery (in his holoform). He started tearing up when you started crying from joy after seeing your flat chest

Ratchet grew concerned for your well-being post surgery. He wouldn’t let you do anything

Was that a cough? No coughing!

“Aa-aA—“

No sneezing!

Bathroom? Ratchet would carry you to the bathroom

What’s that? You need food? He would bring you food......no junk food!

Name changing was a tedious process, especially in Jasper, Nevada. Ratchet had to drive you to another city so you could change your gender and name

“Wait.....you have to go to court?”

“To make sure I don’t break any laws.”

But it was worth it

It’s so longgggggg, I hope you like it!

#transformers #transformers prime #tfp ratchet #ratchet #transformers headcannons #transgender #male reader #phaticserpentfanfics #phaticserpent #ratchet headcanons #tfp

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daggerandrose · 3 years

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💫Annual Writing Self-Evaluation 2020💫

Thank you @haztobegood for tagging me! I’ve never done one of these before (other than just posting all the fics I’ve written this year) so I’m excited!

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 8

2. Word count posted for the year: 92,471

3. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction

4. Pairings: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

5. Story with the most:

Kudos: Compete Against the Stars

Bookmarks: Compete Against the Stars

Comments: Breakable Heaven

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): Breakable Heaven because it’s the longest fic I’ve done so far and I worked so hard on it and I think it took me most of the year to write it because I started it in late March and finished around late October.

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): We’ll Be Alright this was the last in the Wordplay challenge from the summer and I struggled so hard to write something for that week’s word. If I remember correctly, I wrote this in like a day at the very last minute before I sent it off to my beta to look over. I could have done better tbh

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received: I’m honestly so shocked every time I get a comment on my fics and I had such a huge response for Breakable Heaven, but one of my fav authors left a comment on my trick or treat fic that mentioned a line I’m really proud of... I might have squealed when I saw the comment

9. A time when writing was really, really hard: As mentioned above, I spent the longest amount of time on Breakable Heaven mainly because I had such a big start on it where I was writing scenes and really hitting a stride in my writing... and then I hit a big ass wall and got so stuck. I can’t even tell you how many times I texted my beta various forms of “I’m stuck help”.

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: the entirety of drink what makes you happy because I was limited to 666 words since it went with the trick or treat fest rules and I only really had the idea of vampire harry and human Louis in the kitchen doing something domestic but where harry is kind of a darker character. I never really had a set plan in mind (lol when do I ever?) but with this fic I truly had no idea where these characters were going to take me and I even shocked myself with the ending.

More under the cut...

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing: From Compete Against the Stars because of the longing

“Are you claimed?”

Louis nods, his eyes starting to water. “I don’t want to be. I want to be with you, not some faceless alpha.”

Harry chuckles sadly, stepping forward until the tip of their shoes are touching. “We’re in a similar predicament then.”

Louis scrunches his eyebrows together. “What do you mean? You’re claimed too?”

Harry nods, his lips turned downwards.

“Then we can’t do this.” His hands betray him as they come forward to cup Harry’s face.

Harry turns his head and presses a kiss to Louis’ palm, skimming his nose over the sensitive skin of his wrist, taking in his scent. His eyes are glowing green as his wolf peaks out. “This isn’t fair.” He leans down and presses their foreheads together, dropping his hands off the wall to wrap around Louis’ waist. “No one will ever make me feel like this but you.”

Louis has to take a deep breath to stop his tears from falling. “I know. I feel the same.” Louis brushes his fingertips back around to the nape of Harry’s neck, feeling the softness there and relishing in the scent of walnuts and cinnamon.

12. How did you grow as a writer this year: I know one of the biggest struggles in my writing is worrying too much about what people think and worrying people will read the fic and be disappointed that it doesn’t live up to the tags or summary. like someone reading the fic and going “eh that was just okay” and close out the tab. But the response I’ve had from my beta about lines in the fics have been so encouraging and I’ve been getting more out of my head and reminded myself that I’m not writing for anyone but myself.

13. How do you hope to grow next year: I really need to stop procrastinating. It’s my biggest setback because I’m so good at putting off my writing until the veeerrrry last minute and then I’m rushed to get it done. So hopefully I’ll work on that and post something that’s not along with a fest/challenge/collab because right now, that seems to be the only way I post anything anymore.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): My fave @thecompasspointstohome who will forever be my beta because she gets me. I can always count on Liz to answer my (frequent) texts asking for help or when I’ll randomly text her “hey what if this happens in this fic would that work?” and to tell her yet another crazy idea for an au. She’s always leaving hilarious reactions in the comments on the google docs and is able to help push myself to be a better writer.

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: Not really? I had some pretty heavy stuff happen to me this year and I used fic as a way to escape all of that.

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: It is always scary putting out a fic anywhere let alone online. It’s basically putting yourself out there for everyone to criticize and that can be quite daunting. Just remember to write for yourself and surrounded yourself with people who will encourage you in your writing and who you can bounce ideas off of.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: I really really need to finish not only next year’s Big Bang fic (refer to procrastination above), but also my grey’s anatomy fic that’s been a wip since 2015... yikes. I also would love to post a fic that’s not related to a fest/challenge/collab just to show myself that I can do that again and I already have an idea or two of what I could post.

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read. @2tiedships2 @londonfoginacup @mediawhorefics @sadaveniren and anyone else who wants to do this! (PS. if you have already done this please ignore the tag sorry it’s late and I’m practically half asleep!)

#tagging games #fic talk #mine

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hi-i-try-to-be-kind · 4 years

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A letter to tumblrstake

When I first got a tumblr at 13 years old, I had no idea that there would one day be a CJCLDS community on this site. I didn’t find it until years later, if I remember correctly about the time that I made this specific account. Now, in my 20s, I’ve come to love this little community, even when the rest of this site has been so, so harmful to me and my growth as a person. I really love this community—I must stress this. Even though I’ve mostly been a viewer who didn’t interact, this community has meant a lot to me, especially as a late teenager, and has positively impacted the way I interact with people. I truly believe that everyone here is doing their best.

But now I’m leaving tumblr completely. And a huge reason for that is certain patterns that have started to encompass the tumblrstake community. And I believe that if I don’t say anything, no one else will.

Before I go on, I ask that you please try to listen. I know it’s hard—there’s even a Harvard (I think it’s Harvard?) study that shows that in the middle of an argument, someone cannot change their own mind. But while writing this, I practiced something that I hope you will too. I asked myself, ‘Lord, is it I?’ And while I certainly have plenty of responsibility for how I view the comments of others and how they affect me, I also believe that there are some serious problems that almost no one is addressing.

This community, especially at conference time, has become spiritually poisonous. Yes, part of that is how I look at comments, but I’ve come to believe that it’s not just me, but also that the comments are thought of and posted without any consultation with the Spirit. Today, I felt the Spirit during the talks given by Elder Cook, Elder Oaks, and Elder Rasband, up until I got on this site.

With Elder Cook, there was a lot of criticism of how he didn’t acknowledge that the church had a racist past—but he did. It was brief, but he said something that I don’t think could have applied to anything else. But this was ignored. From my perspective, his argument was using our spiritual ancestors (specifically our non-racist ones) as an example for how we should pattern our lives. But I’ve seen no one mention this interpretation. It seems clear to me that, in argumentation terms, he was not shown the ‘principle of charity’ (1). Maybe this is because he didn’t use the vocabulary that people on here associate with what he meant to say, I don’t know.

With Elder Rasband, there was criticism that he was trying to make a legal process within the church into something spiritual. But when I was listening to the talk, as someone who has struggled with being worthy to hold a temple recommend, it meant a lot. It gave me a more thorough understanding of my goal. And it can also be applied to general temple worthiness—and my belief is that anyone who didn’t need the words about temple recommends and still gave his words the ‘principle of charity,’ would see past his plain words and to the spiritual meaning beneath. I didn’t even understand why people thought of his talk the way they did, until I realized that he came after Elder Cook—in other words, because people were already primed to take his words badly, they did.

Last of all was Elder Oaks, who stood up strongly for what he believes, and what he believes that God had told him to say during the months of preparation he spent for this conference—and when I listened to the talk, I heard equal condemnation of racism and violence. My friend heard a more direct message against racism. Yet in this community, people criticized him for it. Specifically, people criticized him for being America-centric when he opened the talk by acknowledging that it was going to be so. With Elder Oaks, of course it has a history. He’s very direct with what God tells him to say, and at times that has led to people, especially members of the LGBT+ community, being hurt. But when I went back and watched those talks about the LGBT+ community, without the angry comments of this community to distract me, I saw how much he spoke of loving the members of the LGBT+ community, those very same people that this community perceived him as only speaking of hating. And in this latest talk, I have no doubt that the difference between perceptions comes from the fact that people who believe his previous talks were harmful refuse to give him the ‘principle of charity.’ When he says that we should love our enemies, they see it as condemning only their side, while not realizing that if they truly listened, it would not only be a condemnation of both extremes, but also, and I don’t know how to say this more gently, a rebuke of their own unloving actions within this community.

I remember years ago (I’m sorry I don’t have the post saved so that I could show you proof of this), there was a post going around that many people took to be pro LGBT+, and included some sentiments that indicated that people shouldn’t listen to the prophet above what they personally believe to be true. A member of the community took issue with this, I believe voicing that it was extreme. They were jumped on by many other members of the community who took their comment to mean that they were anti-LGBT+. As I recall, the comments were not cruel, but they were certainly not understanding or kind. The member who was jumped on only said something in the tags along the lines of ‘Hmm. I believe I have been misunderstood,’ because if I recall correctly, they were pro-LGBT+. I believe they left tumblr, or at least tumblrstake, not long after that. (If I’d taken a screenshot, I could show you—let this be a lesson in keeping your sources lol)

After all of the things that I’ve outlined above—and these are only examples, not the whole story—I don’t know how to say this gently while still being direct. This community needs Elder Oaks’ talk. This community does not love its enemies. This community does not give anyone the benefit of the doubt. In some ways, what I just said is untrue—ex-members are not pushed away or mocked. People who have problems with the church are not dismissed. And what wonderful attributes these are! I adore this community for how universal these attitudes at least appear to be! But the very prophets and apostles that God directly tells us, in the scriptures, are to look out for our spiritual welfare—the very prophets and apostles that love and worry for all of us—are the people that this community has decided are its enemies. If they are your enemies, and you truly believe in the gospel of Christ, you need to treat them like Christ told you to treat your enemies, to love them by giving their words the benefit of the doubt, to show them the ‘principle of charity.’

When you dismiss the prophets and don’t treat them with the same civility that you justly would an ex-member, or dismiss members of the church that don’t treat the prophets the same way you do, you cannot expect to create a spiritual environment. Especially during conference time, when spiritual strength can be found in actually listening to what the prophets are saying, and not just straw-manning them and assuming that they say either exactly what you want them to say or exactly what you don’t want them to say.

I hope, even in this criticism, you’ve been able to feel the love that I have for this community. I believe that every member in it is a good person, who truly seeks the Spirit and to do what is right. But just as the church continues to grow and change to become more in line with God’s will, this community must change too—and with every year I’ve been here, there has only been a steady decline towards hatred and straw-manning. And this community can be so much more! I’ve seen it be a great place for people to grow spiritually together. I’ve seen it be a refuge for LGBT+ members of the church! But at conference time, whenever a speaker steps up and people perceive (sometimes objectively correctly) a disagreement with their own beliefs, it stops being that place.

I’m leaving now. Love you all.

TLDR; I love this community, but it is slowly becoming a spiritually poisonous place that does not give the prophets the benefit of the doubt or seek for spiritual meaning in talks they disagree with. I’m very bad at TLDRs, so please read the whole post.

(1) I’m using the term ‘principle of charity’ to mean the concept of listening to someone’s argument as the strongest version of their argument that it could possibly be—giving the benefit of the doubt, basically the opposite of straw-manning, etc.

P.S. I wanted to get this out before the second session but editing bled into the second session, so I delayed it so that people could have no interruption in their spirituality if nothing happened in the second session. That’s why I only addressed things in the first session.

P.P.S. Whoops I meant to schedule this. Sorry!

#tumblrstake #ldsconf #cjclds stuff #cjcldsconf #general conference #Genconf #religious

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mellometal · 3 years

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Hey, everyone.

If you saw the post from earlier, I had to delete it. There were things I forgot to discuss and things that didn't get saved into my drafts. Sorry if you have to see this again.

I've been WAITING to talk about Glee. Not in the good way either. There's so much wrong with the show, and it's sickening. Yes, I've watched the show last year. Against my will, but that's because of other people refusing to put on anything else besides Glee. I can say that I hate Glee with my entire being. (My initial reason for hating it was because they covered "SING" by My Chemical Romance and turned it into a slow, patriotic song when it's a song about rebellion. NOTHING about "SING" is patriotic. I hated the show since I first heard about it...for that very reason. I was like thirteen or so at the time when I first heard about Glee? Despite it being out since 2009.

Though it's been over for several years now, it's a show that many people have mixed feelings about. From what I've seen, you either love Glee or you absolutely hate it. There's no in-between that I've seen. (If you can't already tell, I hate the show.)

The show is a literal dumpster fire, the characters are all fucking awful people and all of them are poorly written, the script pisses me off, it literally makes me feel disgusting, and don't even get me started on the covers. Most of the covers aren't that good. A lot of them sound like nails on a chalkboard to me. The pacing of the show makes NO sense in certain areas (like when Blaine was initially made to be a grade above Kurt, but was then changed to be like the same grade as him so he'd stay). It just feels like everyone in the show is either a Mary Sue, a Gary Stu, their whole personality is just that they're from a minority group or they're EDGY AND HARDCORE DELINQUENTS BLEEEEHHHHH, creepy as fuck, bigoted as all hell, or they're just background characters who occasionally have the spotlight.

TW: The following post and any other posts that I'll make about this show contains subject matter that may be triggering for some audiences. It will go into subjects like racism, homophobia, ableism, outing of a person in the LGBT community, bigotry in general, statutory r@pe (between teachers and students), teachers being creepy towards students, mentioned past child m0l3stati0n and invalidation of the victim's trauma, making fun of su1c1d3, making fun of overdose, making fun of drug addiction....a lot of fucked up things.

If anything mentioned above is triggering for you, please feel free to scroll and consume safe media instead. I'd rather have you be safe than to be triggered by anything I'm gonna talk about.

Let's start off easy. The characters. It's easy to tear them apart. At least the most problematic ones.

Rachel, the Main Character™️, is textbook definition of a Mary Sue. Instead of calling her Rachel, I'm gonna call her Mary Sue for the whole post. She's almost completely perfect (like too perfect), her flaws are minor if anything, she gets all the special treatment....you get the picture. When Mary Sue does anything fucked up or she says anything fucked up, it either goes unnoticed, people make up excuses for her being a shitty person, or it gets twisted so it looks like Mary Sue is the hero! (I hate her. So much. I cannot stand her.)

Aaawwww, Mary Sue didn't want some OTHER GIRL (Sunshine) to steal HER spotlight, so she SENT THIS GIRL TO A CRACK HOUSE. A FUCKING CRACK HOUSE, OF ALL PLACES. A PLACE WHERE THIS GIRL COULD HAVE BEEN PUT IN SERIOUS DANGER. THIS GIRL COULD HAVE BEEN SERIOUSLY INJURED AT BEST AND KILLED AT WORST. Yes, I'm aware not all drug houses are the same, but still. It doesn't matter what this girl did. What Sunshine did is irrelevant. It's not okay to send people to strange places where they don't know anyone, and are put in danger, even to the point of either getting injured or killed. But it's okay, because at least it's not an "active" crack house you sent Sunshine to, RIGHT, Mary Sue? You still sent some poor girl to a place where she could have been put in serious danger, even to possibly get injured or killed, all because you didn't want her to steal YOUR spotlight. You fucking disgusting, entitled, bratty cunt. You don't need the spotlight all the time anyway. THAT'S HOW THEATRE WORKS. YOU DON'T ALWAYS GET THE LEAD ROLE. YOU DON'T ALWAYS GET THE ROLE YOU WANT. AND THAT'S OKAY. YOU WORK WITH WHAT YOU GOT. Sincerely, a theatre kid.

There are other fucked up things Mary Sue has done, but this is the one thing I could find anyone talking about. If I remember correctly, she hurt her Gay Best Friend™️ Kurt in some way. All I remember is that Kurt was mad at Mary Sue about something. Mary Sue is annoying as fuck. What else can I say about her?

Next, we have Finn, who's textbook definition of a Gary Stu. I'll call him Gary Stu throughout this post. I hate this fucker too. He's the Main Character's Boyfriend™️, the Hot Quarterback™️, and The Good Guy™️. Yet....he's not a good person. He's treated like he's a good person, but he's really not. His flaws are fairly minor and excused (and any major flaws aren't even talked about much), he's almost completely perfect, and every fucked up thing he does is ignored or is justified in some way. Like how he outed Santana as lesbian in the hallway WITHIN EARSHOT OF EVERYONE. HE DIDN'T EVEN APOLOGIZE FOR THIS.

As a woman who has struggled with her sexuality growing up, this really brought back shit I went through. I "dated" boys when I was younger to cover up the fact that I'm only attracted to other women. I wasn't happy with these guys at all. I acted like I did so nobody would suspect anything. I felt nothing for them, except for in a platonic way. I've been outed twice. Once when I thought I was bisexual with a strong preference for other women (by my dad's girlfriend at the time), and when I came out as lesbian (by my brother). It sucks to be outed. The people who outed me in real life could have put me in danger. They could have made it so I had no place to go back to. They could have had me get hurt. It's a scary feeling. Like, it doesn't matter if you're supportive or if you're in the LGBT community. You don't fucking out people without their explicit permission. You especially don't out people to their abusers or to people they don't trust, let alone out them publicly. That's what happened to me. I don't wish this on anyone.

***By the way, for anyone who's closeted, you're valid, I love you, and I know how it feels to be stuck in the closet. You don't have to come out right now. Come out whenever you're ready to. Whenever it's safe for you to do so.***

Or how about the fact that Gary Stu made fun of Kurt's voice because he's gay? Gary Stu apparently has ✨anger issues✨ and that's pretty much the excuse they use to justify him doing fucked up shit to people.

They treat the characters who are from minority groups (i.e., BIPOC, AAPI, LGBT community, disabled people) like absolute garbage, put them through all this horrific shit, or they put them on a pedestal simply for being in a minority group. The teachers and other school staff are either written to be total bigots (Sue), or they're total pr3dators (Mr. Schue, the school nurse, and another teacher who I can't remember her name off the top of my head).

Sue pretty much only exists to be a poorly written villain who's a bigoted bitch just to be a bigoted bitch. Yes, there were some things she WAS right about (like how "Blurred Lines" wasn't an appropriate song choice for the Glee Club™️, but Mr. Schue The Pr3dator™️ downplayed it). Other than that...that's all I can think of. Because everything else that came out of her mouth was bigoted bullshit. Like these right here, for example:

Or how she drugged the principal, date r@ped him, and blackmailed him?

How about them making a tasteless joke about Sue committing su1c1d3 and having her "overdose" on multivitamin gummies?

DO I NEED TO EXPLAIN HOW FUCKED UP ALL OF THIS IS? I do? Well, first of all, she called people racist, homophobic, ableist, and otherwise disgusting names. She boiled them down to their race, sexual orientation, their disability, and their appearance in general. Second, SHE DRUGGED, BLACKMAILED, AND DATE R@PED SOMEBODY. I don't think I need to explain how that's bad. The evidence is right there. Third, she said she was committing "sue-icide" by overdosing on multivitamin gummies. (Yes, you actually can OD on vitamins in supplement form, and it can cause serious symptoms and even death. Specifically with vitamins A, D, E, and K, and Iron. Vitamins A, D, E, and K are fat-soluble. They're a lot harder to remove from the body. The B vitamins and vitamin C aren't as severe if you do OD on them because they're water-soluble, but still be careful. You can't OD on vitamins and minerals you find in food. If you take supplements, vitamins, etc., only take what's on the bottle.) As someone who has su1c1d@l thoughts on and off, this is extremely insulting. Yes, I do use humor and I joke about my own experiences to cope, but this? Nah. Nothing about this is funny or cute in the slightest. Enough said.

Do I need to explain how fucking terrible it is to make light of a serious topic like this? It was never funny to see Britney Spears' mental health be at that low of a point in 2007. It was never funny to see the abuse the paparazzi inflicted on her. How the fuck was this ever okay? You can dislike Britney Spears all you want, but this was never it.

This is all I have for now. I'll probably make a part two because there are way too many things to talk about.

#mello speaks #glee #i hate this show #tw racism mention #tw date r@pe mention #tw suidice #tw homophobia mention #tw ableism mention #tw drug mention #i literally hate everyone in this show so much #tw pr3dator mention (will dive deep into this in part two)#tw od mention #anti glee

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gray-is-neutral · 3 years

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Before the Fall

Hey y’all! I posted this on my AO3 acount, but I wanted to post it here too.

......however, if you were to want to check it out.....my name is addicus_ace_of_gray.

If not, that’s chill too. Let me know what y’all think! Leave a comment or don’t that is also chill. Thank you! :)

I looked at the ceiling, mapping out Moriarty’s next move in my mind. I blocked everything out. I had to. Everyone was starting to doubt me. I was used to them thinking it was me who killed the people whose murders I solved, but not John. Never him. He had to know it wasn’t me. He had to. He has to.

It was quiet when I came to. It was dark. Night had fallen while I had laid still. I looked around the apartment. It was a wreck and I understood that, but the idea of cleaning it sent panic coursing through my veins. It didn’t make sense, but I knew where everything was, and I will know where everything is in the morning.

I smelled tea and reheated leftovers. John was home. I weighed my next actions. Does he want to see me? If he really did, wouldn’t he try to get my attention? What if he had been and simply gave up? What if he didn’t want to see me, and is just being really bad at sneaking about? What if he thinks I don’t want to see him? What if..what if?

“Are you here?” John asked in the same stern, but gentle I’ve grown used to.

“Yes,” I responded, monotone.

“Did you figure it out?” he inquired, setting a bowl of soup from yesterday in front of me. His eyes searched me. He was trying to deduce me. He was never quite good at it though. I honestly think that it would ruin him if he was. I would hate for him to ever be anything like me. I would hate for him to know what I see when I look at complete strangers. I would hate for his beautiful heart to become as cold as mine. I would hate for him to be a freak too.

“Sherlock?” he said after a long moment of silence.

“No,” was all I could manage. This was getting past mildly embarrassing.

Moriarty was no longer just a difficult case. He was the cause of my humiliation. I never thought I would care if there was another who could outwit me. I was sure there was. John has many times, and so has Mycroft. I am by no means, unaware that others are more intelligent than I am, but this was something else.

John loved it when I solved the case and saved the day. He has made me a hero, not only in his stories, but in his own mind as well. The problem is that I am no hero. I am a pathetic, lonely, broken addict who can barely call myself a man. I have no illusions about this. I may work on the side of Angels, but never confuse me for one of them. I knew how I am, but I wanted to be the hero he deserved. I let him believe I was a hero; we were playing pretend. We played out this fantasy so long, I almost believed I was good. I was the hero John wanted me to be. I was the hero he saw me as. The hero he needed.

Unfortunately, fantasies never last. Surely John knew I was not the hero he thought I was. Surely he’d listen to the whispers.

“He’s sick.” “I knew there was something off about him.” “Psychopath.” “Murderer.” “Freak.” “Should have locked him up years ago.” “Any second. He’ll snap any second.” I replayed those whispers time and time again. I felt my throat close up.

‘No,’ I told myself. ‘You are a sociopath, you can turn this off. You don’t have to feel this. You don’t have to feel. I don’t have to feel.’

“Sherlock?” John cautiously called to me, trying to pull me from a rut before I could fall into it.

“Yes?”

“Let’s not think about Moriarty tonight,” he said, coming to sit by me.

“Why don’t we play a game, or perhaps watch the telly?” he persuaded.

“Why would we do that?” My heart sped up despite my brain telling it that this was only John.

He was my John, though. He wasn’t like everyone else. He was what kept me here. He was what kept me from going too deep. He brought me to Earth. He put the fear of God in me. He brought me home, patched me up, and ran back out with me. He was my best friend. He made life worth living despite the constant boredom.

I looked John in his eyes; they had an odd look in them. What was that emotion? Was it emotion?

“Because,” he said. He mumbled something else too, but I never got to hear it.

“What?” I stammered a little. I took deeper breaths. He smiled just a little bit. A whisper of a smile that he reserved for girls he had been dating, but this one was more...natural? No. No. No no no no no no. Don’t think like that. Don’t do that to yourself.

Please, don’t do that John. I’m really trying here. Don’t look at me like that. Don’t make my heart feel like it was close to exploding. Don’t make my stomach do cartwheels. Don’t make my face combust in a deep red blush that I can’t hide. Don’t make me blow my cover. Don’t- my internal panicking was interrupted.

“I said, because tonight, it’s just us. Don’t think about Moriarty. Don’t think about Mycroft or Molly or Mrs. Hudson. Let us have some fun while we have this moment?” he suggested.

He avoided my eyes. He was fidgeting with his hands in his lap. He was nervous, and I guessed he noticed that I had figured that out because his ears went that cute shade of pink that could make me lose all of my senses.

‘You are a sociopath! Stop that! Turn it off!’ I screamed internally. I was having a hard time turning it off, though. He looked up to meet my eyes and gave a small, but genuine smile. It was a nervous smile. A nervous smile, but sad eyes. What could that possibly mean?

“What did you have in mind?” I asked coldly. No emotion. I can’t do that to myself.

“Alright, two truths and one lie, but with alcohol,” he said. He leaned back into the couch. He now met my gaze.

“Mrs. Hudson doesn’t like drinking-” I reminded him.

“I know, but she isn’t here,” he responded.

I couldn’t argue with that.

“How does the game work?” I asked him.

“Someone tells two truths and one lie, you have to guess the lie. Guess wrong, take a drink. Guess correctly, the other person has to drink. Winner is whoever is the least drunk,” he explained.

“Okay,” I hesitated. “Who goes first?”

“I’ll go,” he said.

We started the game. As it turns out, I did not know as much about my friend as I thought I did.

I soon got very drunk. Very, very drunk.

Everything was nice, though. I was nice and warm. I was with John, who I think might have been just as drunk as I was. How would I know, though. I was so very drunk.

“Okay. Okay. It’s your turn,” I said, downing the shot.

“Okay, let me think.”

“I actually like the way you turn up your collar when you want to feel cool. I am in love. I’m tall,” he was almost giggling.

I laughed and said, “The lie is that you’re tall.” He smiled and took a drink.

“Your turn.”

I was drunk. I wasn’t in control. I was looking at him. Flushed from alcohol. Laughing from genuine happiness. He was beautiful.

I could hardly be responsible for what I said.

“Okay,” I said. “I am experiencing extremely high levels of dopamine, oxytocin, norepinephrine, and serotonin. I like making you blush. I am not in love with you.” I smiled, proud of myself. I had managed to make him blush again.

“Perhaps we should end the game here. You are hammered,” he said. I took a drink and tried to say something witty. Maybe I had?

I was sleepy.

Maybe I walked to my room? No, he helped me there.

He said something maybe?

He put me in my bed, I think?

He sat at the foot and he...he

He sobbed. Was I imagining this?

He wailed with an anguish I have never heard before from him. Why? Why was he crying?

What did I do wrong?

I blacked out, but as it turned out, I would be asking why a lot more than I had ever thought.

It was early that morning when I realized something was wrong. The memory from the night before was hazy and pieced together from what I found around the flat.

John must have not woken up yet, so despite my splitting headache, I cleaned up the place for him and put on some water for tea.

All I remembered from the night before was his laugh and smile. I also heard this God awful wail that must have belonged to a banshee. God, it still rang in my ears.

I also started up what I hoped could pass for food. I’ve never been much of a cook, but I tried all the same.

As I was making my way to the fridge to look for the eggs, a knock came to our door. It was an odd sort of knock. Solemn and quiet, as if the person on the other side didn’t want to be here. Lestrade maybe?

I went to the door. It was indeed Inspector Lestrade. He stood with his hands folded in front of him. Mrs. Hudson was with him. That was odd.

I looked them both over. They had been crying. Not a good sign.

“Sherlock. We need to deliver the worst sort of news, but we need you to sit down first,” Lestrade said.

I looked at him with a puzzled expression.

“Why? If it’s that horrible, let me go and wake John. He will need to hear this too,” I said, dashing to go get John.

“No. Sherlock-” Mrs. Hudson called after me, but I didn’t get why. John would need to know of this too. He is family. If it concerned me, it concerned him too.

I knocked on his door before dashing through the door. “John wa-” I stopped. He wasn’t there. His bed was made neatly. Everything was in order, but he was gone. Where could he have gone?

“Sherlock. Please sit down!” Lestrade begged as he struggled to hold in his tears. “Please.”

I turned to face him. I was confused. “Have you any idea where John might be?” I inquired. “I can’t be told devastating news if he’s not here. There is no use in-”

“Sherlock John is dead!” he yelled, but I ignored him.

“There is no use in repeating it twice. If John isn’t here, and you go ahead and tell me, then I will have to tell him and if it is truly terrible news, I don’t want to have to tell him.”

“Sherlock did you not hear me?”

“Hush now,” I said as I felt something warm and wet roll down my cheeks. “I have to find John.”

I went weak in my knees. “Sit down Sherlock,” Mrs. Hudson cooed and tears ran in black streams down her face. “He’s in a better place.”

“Better place?” I demanded. I was losing my grip. I could feel my world crumbling.

“Sherlock, I’m genuinely very sorry for your loss.” Mycroft came in. He was not mocking me. He had real tears in his eyes.

“No.” I begged. My whole body shook.

“Sherlock. John’s gone,” he said, stepping between Lestrade and Mrs. Hudson. He pulled me into a tight embrace.

I let him. “Tell me it’s a joke. Please please Mycroft. Please. Tell me this is a joke. He’s okay. He’s not gone. Tell me. Tell me please.”

“He’s gone.”

“How?” I demanded. “If he’s dead then tell me how!” I demanded.

“No. Sherlock,” Lestrade pleaded. “Give yourself a little time to process before-”

“He committed suicide.” Mycroft’s cold, monotone voice broke me with his words.

The world seemed to break with me. My mind palace was crumbling. A sound so horrible filled the air. I couldn’t understand where it was coming from. It was similar to the one I heard from the night before.

“I’m sorry Sherlock. You’ll understand one day,” was the last thing I remembered John saying. That wail of anguish was his last night. This morning, it was mine.

I curled into myself and I sobbed. I never knew that I could.

I sobbed and sobbed. I was more than broken. I was more than grieving. I was dying. And at that moment, it didn’t seem all that bad of an idea.

Thank you for reading. :)

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5-falsehoods-phonated · 3 years

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(Prompts with boxes have been taken, highlighted have been written.)

I have requests and ideas for all of the prompts, so no more requests from this card will be accepted. I’m planning on writing and posting all of these within the month of December and probably a bit into January. If you don’t want to see these stories, block the tag #false bthb, if you would like to be tagged in future stories shoot me an ask!

This prompt got away from me a bit so it’s split into two parts. The prompt comes into play in the second part. Requested by @atlasistryingherbest I hope you enjoy it, the second part will be up tomorrow!

General tagging: @im-an-anxious-wreck (you're gonna be tagged in mostly bthb this month as that's the project I'm working on, so if you'd like this changed to only the multichapter fics or general one shots please let me know. Thank you again for the interest!)

My Sunshine Part 1

Summary: Patton thinks he’s finally caught the break he needs when he finds and falls in love with Roman. Ignoring the warning signs until it’s too late Patton ends up losing more than he had dared to gain.

Warnings: more for part two but story contains human trafficking, implied non consensual sex and starvation

Prompt: Denied food as Punishment

Ships: Royality, Patton x Roman

WC: 4, 166

Patton skirted around another group of students, clutching his rather heavy school bag and trying not to bump into anyone in his rush to his bus. The college campus wasn’t exactly large but the crowds remained a nuisance no matter how small the classes were. Seeing the bus start to pull up to the sidewalk for its hourly trip into the downtown area he quickened his pace, desperate not to miss it again. Thankfully getting to the back of the waiting line with time to spare he took a breath and finally managed to zip his bag closed, hoisting it over his shoulders and looking around to see if he could recognize anyone from his classes.

Having just moved into town for school a month ago Patton didn’t really have any friends yet, just people who would occasionally ask him for a pencil only to not give it back- but that was fine! Whenever he ran out of pencils to give he could just ask them for one and he would know they’d have one since he had given so many of his away. If nothing else he figures a missing pencil was as good an ice breaker as any to start a conversation with somebody.

Lost as he was in his thoughts he immediately snapped out of it when he caught sight of one of the cutest men he had ever seen. Tall, dark and handsome didn’t even begin to cover it when he saw the stranger laugh at whatever the person next to him was talking about and reach up to push longish, curly hair out of his eyes. The stranger seemed to suddenly become aware that he was being stared at, turning his head and somehow immediately locking eyes with an extremely flustered Patton. Offering a king smile and a small wave Patton was sure he turned at least ten different shades of red before he managed to tear his eyes away and trip up the stairs to the bus to plop tiredly in the first empty seat he could find.

Burying his face in his hands he groaned at his own stupidity, lamenting the fact that he had been caught ogling someone he didn’t even know or recognize from any of his classes. He had seemed so nice though, not even seeming fazed at being stared at- though with such a confident air that he seemed to have Patton thought maybe he was used to it by now. All he could hope was that he’d never see the stranger again and if he did he wouldn’t remember Patton as that creepy guy in the bus line who probably looked half dead for as much coffee he consumed to keep up with his life.

Deciding not to dwell on it too much he grimaced as he hoisted his pack up yet again as his stop came into view, dreading another afternoon spent on his feet trying to hear people’s orders and write them down correctly while the general noise of the restaurant made it a challenge to get his own forcibly friendly “Hello, what can I get for you?” to be heard. Shuffling off the bus with everyone else he quickly jogged down the block and around the back of the restaurant he worked at, swiping his apron on in the same motion of throwing his bag down and scooting it under a table and out of the way. Smoothing his hair bag and rubbing what he hoped was most of the tiredness from his eyes he put on his best smile and waltzed his way out onto the main floor, tagging out his shift swift for which he was barely acknowledged before they gestured to a family just getting comfortable for him to service.

Squaring his shoulders and taking one more deep breath he began walking over to them. It was just a five hour shift, he could handle a five hour shift.

-----

He could barely handle a five hour shift.

Frowning down at his bag that contained his barely started on homework his fingers fumbled with the knot of his apron as he desperately tried to work it off. Huffing in frustration he bent his neck painfully to get the top part off and shimmied hip hips while yanking the bottom part until he was finally able to kick it into a wall. Dragging a hand over his face he snatched it up and hung it up rather aggressively before getting his bag and hurrying out the back door to catch the bus back to his run down apartment. The ride was as uneventful as ever but he almost missed it when he finally reached his apartment only to see a corner of an envelope sticking out from under the door that would undoubtedly contain the rent bill he would have to scrape together enough change to meet again.

Although he was grateful to be away from his family and that he had been able to get into college in the first place it was an expensive path in life that he had to work hard at two jobs to maintain, still barely managing to scrape by each month. Since switching campuses to be closer to work opportunities it had only seemed to get worse. If he had a roommate it might be different, at least taking some of the financial burden off his shoulders but he didn’t know anyone in this town enough to ask and he definitely didn’t want to invite people he didn’t know into his life with an ad in the newspaper calling for a roommate- who knew if they’d even pay rent or pick up after themselves or leave his things alone. No, Patton was a little too paranoid for that. Flopping face down onto his couch he wormed his way half under the back cushions and seat cushions until it was just a little too tight and sighed contently, letting his eyes finally drift shut as he gave his legs a rest. His stomach growled not ten minutes later however, making him groan and debate whether making something would actually be worthwhile. Realizing he still had work to do anyway he carefully got up and rolled up his sleeves, wondering if that frozen pizza in the freezer was still good.

A little while later with pizza in one hand and a pencil in the other he worked his way through his math and science homework, stacking them to the side as he made way for the english paper he had yet to start. He was still trying to work through basic classes before he got to...whatever it wsa he would decide he wanted to major in, though sometimes he was intimidated but the already nearly overwhelming workload he had to tell himself it would all be worth it. He just had to smile through it and push through until he came out the other side with a bright a nd shiny degree and an even brighter future. Of course, that optimism could only take him so far as he stared at the book report he was supposed to be at least outlining, a quick glance at the clock telling him that if he wanted to shower, now would be the time if he didn’t want to be late for his stocking job. Working at a warehouse form one to seven in the morning definitely wasn’t ideal but it paid well and it was just enough to keep him floating while he worked his way through school. Wincing as he stood up on wobbly, half asleep legs he dumped his plate in the sink and headed to the bathroom for a quick shower before he had to be at the warehouse for his shift.

Stumbling out of his apartment complex still struggling to get his jacket on he happened to look up and see an unfamiliar car parked across the street. I wonder if someone else is moving in, he thought, squinting in the darkness of the early morning to try and make out details. He thought he saw movement in the drivers side but the beeping of his watch let him know he had a very limited amount of time now to get to where he was going, so turning on his heel he booked it to the warehouse a few blocks down, any other thoughts drowned out by the apprehensionsion of the promised monotony to come.

-----

Patton was dead on his feet by the time his shift ended and he made it back to his apartment. Making side eyes at the couch wit his notes still scattered on the coffee table he shook his head and went down the short hallway to his bedroom instead, peeling off his shirt and pants as he went and flopped onto the box spring, flopping his arm around for his treasured dog plushie before curling onto his side and beginning to snore within minutes. When he woke up to his insistent alarm five hours later he groaned and threw the plushie at the offending machine to no avail. Stretching out his stiff muscles he reached over and pressed the button to get the thing to shut up while rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. Another day, another...well just another day really. He had half an hour to make himself somewhat presentable and make coffee, maybe try to scratch out part of that english outline before heading off to class and repeating the daily routine of rushing around and catching quick ten minute naps when he could. Thankful today was Wednesday, meaning he had two more regular days and then Saturday he only had to get through his warehouse shift before he was free for the weekend. He made a face at the dust clinging to nearly every surface in his room.. Maybe he’d use that weekend to clean a bit.

Coffee brewing, face washed and toast wolfed down he did actually manage to get a quarter of his outline done before he had to gather everything up and leave. Taking a thermos of caffeine for the road he made it out in record time to catch the bus, idly noting the car from last night was still parked across the street, though it was clearly empty now. A dark blue Sudan with tinted windows from what he could. Shrugging he went to wait in line with everyone else; what he wouldn't give for his own car.

----

It wasn’t until the following week that he saw the car in a different place, this time parked in front of his restaurant. The only reason he really noticed it was because he had honestly been wondering when the thing would be toed considering it never seemed to leave the same spot from across the street. Shrugging the fleeting interest off he quickened his pace and got his apron on, shimmying the bottom part over his head since he hadn't got the knot undone and bending his neck forward to properly don the front loop. Smoothing himself out while shoving his bag under the table and fishing for his notepad and pen he stretched his face into yet another believable smile and pushed his way out of the kitchen and to his shift switch, only to freeze in place when they gestured to a table with a lone figure sat at it.

This cannot be happening, he thought with dismay. At the table sat the very stranger who had smiled at him after catching him staring last week. He was just as cute as ever and had a relaxed, easy smile on his face that Patton instantly felt himself melt for. Now is not thee time Patton, he scolded himself as he straightened his apron and walked over, palms sweating an embarrassing amount with knees he hoped to God weren’t visibly shaking.

“Hello, what can I get for you?”

The man looked up and his smile only grew wider as he cupped his chin. “Have we met?”

Sputtering, Patton clutched his notepad to his chest as he struggled to string a coherent thought together. He knew! He knew and now he’d get to tell him what a creep he was and-

“I’m certain I would have remembered the name of a person as cute as you if we had.” The man leaned forward practically purring. “Patton is it? That suits you.”

Patton barely heard the other half of what was being said to him, the word “cute” bouncing around in his skull too many times for him to properly concentrate on the actual conversation. He turned his incredibly red face away from the others gaze, not quite sure what to say back, thankfully the man saved him from having to respond by finally leaning back and taking the menu up again. “I’m very sorry, where are my manners? I’m keeping you from your job aren’t I?”

He was but heck if Patton was going to agree with that statement. The kinder he was the more this person might tip, and besides, he actually was very cute especially up close. He didn’t mind a bit of casual flirting especially since the other didn’t seem to have anything against him.

“You’re fine sir! I um- I don’t mind.” That being the closest Patton could get to actually accepting a compliment he quickly moved on. “Are you ready to order?”

“Yes actually! I’d like a chicken sandwich with tomato and a chef’s salad on the side.”

Nodding, Patton looked back up from his scribbling. “And to drink?”

“Water would be lovely.”

Taking the menu, he nodded again. “It’ll be right out sir.”

“Thank you, Patton.”

The use of his name set him on edge for a second but he quickly brushed it aside. He was just being nice, sure maybe overly nice- but this was the first full blown kind of conversation he’d held with someone who wasn't his landlord or boss in weeks. If the stranger wanted to use his name that was fine. He’d just have to learn his!

Busy as the restaurant was in the afternoon he was slightly disappointed he hadn’t seen the man leave but made his way over to the table to start cleaning up while he had a free minute. Lifting the check book his eyes nearly bugged out of his head at the tip that was left. A solid fifty dollar bill lay next to the receipt, and on the latter a phone number was written along with a name.

“Roman.” Patton breathed out. He realized he was holding a third month's rent in his hands, he could get groceries this week...proper groceries! Like...Patton pursed his lips in thought, maybe fruit and vegetables? He couldn’t remember the last time he’d bitten into an apple that hadn’t gone completely soft from sitting in the cafeteria for far too long. With stars in his eyes and a name in his heart he pocketed the tip and went about the rest of his shift in a daze, not even noticing the dark blue Sudan still parkly in the parking lot as he made his way back home.

----

Roman was absolutely charming- in every sense of the word. After their first phone call where Patton had thanked him endlessly for the very generous tip they had been texting and calling nearly nonstop. The flowery, flirty way he spoke, the way he looked at Patton like he was hung on the moon, even the way he said his name like he was cradling something precious, it was almost too much. Patton’s workplace had become a regular place for Roman to eat, always sitting at the same place and getting there seemingly right as Patton’s shift started. Tired still though he was, he found the monotony broken at last by a welcome smile to greet him every day of the week, and he was absolutely living for it.

Patton was ecstatic when Roman asked him on a date the following week, securing Saturday as the day they’d meet up at a different restaurant and hang out. He felt like he was floating, like finally something was sliding into place and everyday that it got close to the weekend just made him even more motivated to finish his shifts and homework so he could talk to the one who had so quickly captured his attention. The days flew by, and when Saturday finally came he rushed through his shift at the warehouse to go home and sleep, wanting to be well rested for his first date in years.

-----

Despite his excitement, Patton ended up oversleeping and rushing in vain around his apartment, throwing together a haphazard outfit consisting of a soft blue, non-work polo and light jeans. Sliding his feet into his usual tennis shoes and running quick fingers through his hair he could only hope that was enough as he ran out of his apartment and down the stairs to the street below. The restaurant wasn’t far thankfully and he was able to jog there in no time at all, hoping he didn’t look like too much of a sweaty mess to the other man who always looked impeccably out together. Spotting him at a table on the far side of the joint next to the windows Patton made his way over and sat down nervously.

“I’m so sorry I’m late! I overslept and I tried to hurry but-”

“Please, don’t worry about it.” Roman lain a hand on top of Patton's leaving him to fight to contain his blush. “I wasn’t waiting that long and besides, this place has a lovely view.”

Turning to look out the window, Patton had to agree. The restaurant had a wonderful view of the local park, families playing with their children or pets as the Saturday afternoon wore on. He watched the families almost wistfully, almost but not quite missing his own as he watched one play hide-and-seek while another helped their child across the monkey bars. He was so enraptured by the sight before him he didn’t notice Roman’s gaze turn calculating before his easy smile slid back into place, placing his chin in his hands as he joined Patton in people watching.

“Someday, when I leave this town, I’d like to be settled with a family like that.” Roman’s voice brought Patton out of his own thoughts, making him turn to his date with a smile. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, I’d like to have someone to take care of and love, and have them love me back. It sounds perfect doesn’t it?”

Patton flicked his eyes away for a second before smiling again. “It does. To be stable and settled down with kiddos, that’s the life I want.”

Seeming to sense his hesitation Roman cocked his head to the side. “Got a bad experience with families?”

“I-” Patton again was slightly put off by the stranger's forwardness and apparent skills of perception but he brushed it aside, finding it nice to be listened to. “My family and I didn’t get along very well I guess. We don’t talk at all now.”

Roman’s eyes flashed as he nodded. “I understand that. My family doesn’t talk to me much anymore either. It happens.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Patton looked away again as the waitress walked over with water and menus. Quietly thanking her Patton skimmed the list of items searching for something cheap. Settling on a club sandwich with a side of coleslaw he closed the menu just in time for the waitress to come back. Taking their orders she quickly left them alone once again, Patton trying desperately to hide a yawn behind his fist.

“Am I boring you already?” Roman said teasingly, and Patton’s face burned in embarrassment.

“It isn’t that I swear I-”

“It’s okay! Tired from work, I take it?”

Patton nodded gratefully and scratched his neck. “I work two jobs with school and I just- I’m a mess.”

Roman chuckled and shook his head. Hardly! That’s quite admirable of you actually, you work so hard for what you have.”

Patton smiled a bit at the table, blush dying down a bit as he breathed. “I guess so yeah.”

“Well I know so!” Patton flinched slightly as he raised his voice but Roman didn’t seem to notice as their food was placed in front of them and they dug in.

“We should really come here more often, this was exquisite!” Patton’s eyes shot up as he heard that. We? More often? Did that mean-

“You think entirely too loud for my liking my sunshine. Please forgive my forwardness, but would you like to do this again sometime?”

Patton beamed at the other man, twisting his fingers nervously under the table. “I’d love to, Roman.”

-----

The next couple months went by in a blur, having dates when they could manage them and extended phone calls when they couldn’t. Then a weekend finally came when they could go out again, deciding meeting at the same restaurant was fine since it was so good last time. Thankfully Patton wasn’t late again, sliding in a chair across from Roman and taking the menu in his hands.

“Hey Roman!’

“Hello my love, it’s good to see that smile again.” Face heating quickly Patton hid his face behind his menu and ignored Roman’s soft chuckles, deciding to order the same thing for simplicity's sake. Giving their orders and receiving their drinks left the two alone and Roman took the opportunity to lean forward with a serious expression, making Patton squirm nervously in his chair.

“Patton, I have something I want to ask you, and you can absolutely say no if you wish to.”

Pressing his lips together Patton nodded for him to continue.

“I know how hard you work, what with two jobs and school on top of that; you’ve told me you sometimes struggle to meet the rent. We’ve been dating for a couple months now and I was wondering, would you like to move in with me?”

Taken aback by the question Patton could do nothing but gape at the other man, silence stretching between them as he tried to comprehend what he was hearing.

“I understand the hesitancy but I feel like it makes more sense. I could pay most of the rent while you contribute the rest, we could trade off making dinner, it’s a bigger apartment I’m sure so you could get out of that run down building. Plus it's closer to your campus so you wouldn’t have to take the bus, and I could always drive you to work.”

“Roman- that’s incredibly generous of you but I can’t ask you to do that.” Declining drove a stake through his heart but Patton was determined to stay firm. He wasn't a charity case, and even if the answers to nearly all of his problems were sitting right in front of him he knew he had to refuse.

“Patton, you aren’t asking, I am.” Roman looked imploringly into his eyes. “You do so much, let me take care of you.”

Biting his lip, Patton looked back at Roman nervously. This was an incredible thing that had just landed right in his lap- he wanted to say yes so badly but what if they didn't work out? If they broke up Patton would be on the street, he didn’t know anyone besides Roman and his bosses and the latter he knew wouldn’t think twice about some poor college student living on the sidewalk. Plus he felt like the relationship was moving so fast, though he didn’t really have much to compare it to other than little high school flings so maybe he was just paranoid. But it was so difficult to keep up with the rent, and if he had the security of Roman- not quite the roommate he had imagined but definitely better, maybe everything was finally looking up.

Squeezing Roman’s hand he took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay. Only if you're sure and I’ll of course help out around the apartment in any way I can!”

“I don’t doubt it my love.” Their food was placed in front of them, as Roman nodded. “We can move you in today if you like. It wouldn’t be too much trouble.”

Smiling giddily Patton nodded. Yes, everything was certainly turning around for the better.

-----

As they left the restaurant with Roman leading him to his car so they could start packing up his apartment, Patton nearly froze on the spot but managed to keep walking like nothing had happened. He climbed somewhat nervously into the car he had been seeing outside of his apartment, outside of his restaurant and even sometimes outside of the rather remote warehouse where he worked. He shut the door to the dark blue Sudan carefully and buckled his seatbelt, pushing the buzzing in his ears aside as he settled in his seat and listened to Roman’s idle chatter.

Everything was looking up. It would be fine.

This work is also available on AO3!

Part 2 here

#false writes #false bthb #bthb #bad things happen bingoo #patton sanders #roman sanders #unsympathetic roman sanders #sanders sides #sanders sides fic

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chiyuukiaru · 5 years

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Haikyuu!! Chapter 372

Not in order, I wrote this based from part that I remembered first to the last. Also, this is a spoiler, so please ignore this post if you don’t wanna be spoiled (or anime-only viewers).

Oikawa is in an overseas volleyball club.

On my previous post, I more or less already guessed it. But, I wasn't 100% right. Oikawa is indeed in an overseas team, but not a Brazilian club. An Argentinean club, that is. He was probably just sightseeing on the neighborhood country when he accidentally met Hinata.

Oikawa became like a mental-uplifting figure to Hinata.

I correctly guessed this too. Actually, Hinata said it himself. He felt better after meeting Oikawa. These two are so adorable. And would you look at that?! They already made a promise to meet up again, in a way (with Oikawa asking for a treat next time).

Ushijima and Kageyama in the same team.

I never mention this, but I always headcanon Kageyama to be teammates with Ushijima or Hoshiumi. Because these two are the other characters that I feel would be pro and the ones that had a direct conflict with Hinata. So, they team-up with Kageyama and fight Hinata would be a great drama. Glad my headcanon turned out real. It's a fan's biggest happiness lol. Thanks, Furudate!

Not only that, their expressions when they saw the pic is GOLDEN. Idk what exactly they're thinking about, but I bet it's something along the line of: "Damn, I should be more cautious. This combination is also dangerous". We know that Ushijima and Kageyama had long acknowledged Oikawa's talent as a setter (whether people think he's a natural genius or not). With him setting to Hinata, it would be a really yabai combination. Hinata also has made a name for himself as a high-level high school player in Japan (yes, admit it. Even Katou Lucio heard about this. Obviously, from Shiratorizawa's head coach), and he's still training and improving too.

Btw, what language is Schweiden? Is it a club in Japan? I don't think so, tho. The name sounds like it's coming from Sweden. If it's true, then Kageyama and Ushijima are playing in a foreign league (?).

On a side note, actually, I was sure Oikawa went pro too. Just never imagined he'd gone overseas right after graduation. I thought he'd be in a Japanese club first, then transfer.

Kindaichi and Kunimi made an appearance.

I always love the relationship between the members of The Miyagi First Year Training Camp (yes, even those ball boys). They're so precious and even though they were rivals, they learned a lot from each other. Hinata also got one of his biggest (and most satisfying, for me) development from this camp. So when these two appeared, I was elated.

Personally, I think Oikawa posted the selfie on his social media. That's why Kindaichi and Kunimi conversation went like this: "Did you see? I saw". It's like a conversation between 2 friends about the latest post of their friend who switched school or moved far after graduation. Fits.

On the other hand, Kageyama received the selfie from Hinata's chat (I think it's LINE). It suits his personality too, I don't think he would purposely open a social media account. But personal message is alright (awww and that means they're still in contact even with the time difference).

We could see Oikawa play again.

Yes, I also stated that I miss watching Oikawa plays again. He's been missing for hundred chapters, dammit. Now, from the build-up for the next chapter, I believe we could confidently say we would see him play again. And with our strongest decoy too! Wow, just wow.

The mystery coach is revealed. And the flashback with Kindaichi and Kunimi in Aoba Johsai gym.

I was always curious WHY Furudate never showed this couch's face. Now, we know why. The foreshadowing tho, damn Furudate is really smart. They planned this arc from a long time ago, duh.

Also, I always felt there's something I didn't catch when Kindaichi and Kunimi talked about how crazy Oikawa is (cmiiw, I think it was episode 11 in Season 2, I forgot which chapter it was in the manga tho). The animation (and manga panel) moved the focus back to Oikawa and his serving too fast, imo. I remember thinking "What they mean with it? Isn't his serve always crazy? Why talk about it?". My friends told me I was thinking too much about that line, but turned out, I was right to be curious. Because Oikawa wanted to play overseas!!! That's why it was crazy for Kindaichi and Kunimi. Damn, Furudate I respect you!

We were shown, once again, that beach volleyball is not the same as indoor volleyball.

Oikawa directly stated this. Beach volleyball just has volleyball in it. It's still a completely different sport. And he proved that by falling on his face (and his face is so pretty too, sigh). It means, in the current timeline, Hinata "Ninja Shouyou" is indeed a force to be reckoned with. He's acknowledged as a strong player and given a nickname for his play. Hinata really has come so far. I couldn't be more proud.

On a side note, Hinata feeling superior from Oikawa for his better beach volley play is adorable. When you're better at something, even for a little bit, from someone you know is really really good, you can't help feeling proud of yourself, lol. I definitely talked from experience.

Oikawa telling his friends that Hinata was a middle school kid from his neighborhood in English. And Hinata understood that.

And this is a guy whose worse subject was English! Before meeting Yachi and got her help, his grades never entered 2 digits. Now, not only he understands and speaks Portuguese, he understands English (probably learning to speak the language too, it's a package if you wanna survive in a foreign world). Also, we saw he learned Spanish from manga in chapter 370 too. He became multilingual (probably still with accent tho). I'm so proud.

On a side note, I wonder why Oikawa talked to his friends in English? Does it mean, he can't speak Spanish, yet?

Ugh, when this arc was animated, I hope we could hear Murase Ayumu (Hinata's VA) speaks English (he's fluent after all, ahaha). And also, him speaking Portuguese (and maybe Spanish) would kill me too.

There friends, all my rambling. I'm really getting better at rambling. Maybe I should mention this on my CV. I apologize if my words are hard to understand or I'm too talkative and annoying. I just want to let these all out, coz I know I will feel better this way. Also, I think I wrote “On a side note” too many times, lmao. Apologize, once again.

PS: Previously on my post, I said that I didn't want Oikawa to be a mentor figure for Hinata coz it'd feel like Hinata's progress isn't his own, and his struggles wouldn't feel strong enough. I still stand by this. I really don't want Oikawa to be a mentor figure for Hinata. But, I want Oikawa to be someone that can assure Hinata everything will be fine, even if he's all by himself in a foreign country and this, happened. Idk about the mentor thing, it's still up to Furudate to do it or not (honestly, I don't want it. Even if Furudate did it, maybe just make it like the training camp? So Hinata was like, observing Oikawa, asking him about some techniques, etc. I mean, you know, it’s not Oikawa who freely taught Hinata, but Hinata who was asking first. So it is still, in a way, Hinata’s own progress and learning). But, I think we all can universally agree that OiHina team-up is something that we wanna see, yes?! Looking forward to the next chapter.

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu #haikyuu spoilers #haikyuu manga #hinata shouyou #oikawa tooru #kageyama tobio #ushijima wakatoshi #kunimi akira #kindaichi yuutarou #rambling again #i apologize folks #haikyuu!! 372 #chapter 372

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omega-deku · 5 years

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So I would love to progress on my art and try comics any tips? ÙwÚ

Hi! I’m so sorry about the late reply. D: I hope you don’t mind if I take this opportunity to address all the anon messages about how we can improve as artists.

I have a tough time answering this question because there is so much I need to learn. I’m super flattered that some of you feel that my art is good enough to ask me for tips, first of all!! So thank you, guys.

It’s a struggle because I only recently started taking up art again. So I’ve forgotten a lot of the things. So I’m probably not the best person to ask about this.

I used to draw all the time as a kid, but after high school, I stopped drawing. I stopped drawing for almost a decade, pretty much. I really regret it. I feel like I could have come such a long way if I did keep going. My parents really discouraged me from pursuing art, even just as a hobby, too. Even when I left home (I’m back now tho), my ex-spouse, greatly discouraged me from doing art too. I mean, “proper” art. They told me my art wasn’t “real art” because it’s not studio art, it’s “sellout” art, like anime/cartoons/fanart. I had even worse self-esteem as I do now, and I listened to them and gave up. I convinced myself I hated drawing.

Please don’t deny yourself things that make you feel engaged and connected. If drawing makes you feel good, if it makes you not realize how much time has passed and makes you feel like you’re accomplishing things, even little by little, please don’t stop. Even if you suffer from depression and feel like things like this are pointless, remember that just doing things in general will help you. Drawing is an awesome way to get into the flow state. To me personally, it’s almost like a meditative state and I find it helpful in dealing with chronic pain and mental health issues.

Anyways, I’ll try to compile some advice sort of things.

ART IN GENERAL

1. Draw what you enjoy! I think the most important thing is to draw what you like. It’s okay if it’s “dumb stuff”. Draw your favorite characters or pairings from your favorite tv shows if that tickles your fancy! You’re much more likely to be spending more time drawing if you’re drawing stuff you like. And as long as you’re drawing, you’re improving. (But still, challenge yourself and get out of your comfort zone!)

Especially for those of you who are planning to pursue art as a career, it’s essential that you don’t view practicing art as a chore.

2. Draw from life. If you really want to take your art to the next level, drawing from life is vital! I think many of us have come across artists who are just amazing, but there are things that look a little “off”. For example, the anatomy doesn’t look quite right, or the perspective is a little wonky. Things like that can be a tell that they’ve learned to draw from other people’s art rather than from life. Or just haven’t practiced the basics enough. (My art isn’t amazing or anything close to that lmao, but it definitely suffers from this. I need lots of life drawing practice.)

There is nothing wrong with learning from your favorite artists, but to really train your “artist’s eye”, you need to strip away all the stylistic choices and go back to the basics. Training that Eye is one of the most crucial things you could do as an artist.

Just take a piece of paper, a pencil and start drawing what you see. If you can, take figure drawing classes at your local community college, or draw the animals you see at the zoo. Sit on a bench and draw the scenery in front of you. Over time, you’ll start to recognize common patterns, simplify/think of things in terms of lines and shapes.

If you can’t afford a class or have the ability to go outside easily, drawing from photographs can be the next best thing. (See the Resources below for an online figure drawing tool.) I’m not experienced enough to definitively say why this isn’t the #1 idea, but from what I hear, there are things that you’ll miss out on, such as subtle shifts in shadows, colors, and other things that will happen from small movements in pose changes, a cloud moving, or whatever else. A different “feel”, if you will.

With the digital art boom, a lot of artists are learning how to do cool digital effects and fancy things, but forgoing basic anatomy, perspective, shading, etc. Which is all fine if you’re just having fun, but isn’t the best idea if you’re really serious about improving. Practice the fundamentals!

(If you have been dreaming about CalArts at one point like I did when I was in high school, one advice I came across from everyone who went there was to draw from life. All the time. It’s not an answer I expected from people who draw funny looking characters all day. You mean all these people who draw such simplified cartoon people and animals can actually draw like masters? Perfectly rendered bowls of fruit? I didn’t realize how much work goes into animating simple characters.)

3. Put in the time.

It’s really easy to get suckered into just watching “how to improve” videos all day and thinking about improving. Watching how other artists work is an important learning tool, but you’ll never actually make progress if you aren’t practicing.

Sometimes, the best thing to do is to not think about it. Just do it.

It’s like when I’m spending a whole lotta time thinking about getting physically fit than just, you know.. just doing it. “Tomorrow for sure.”

It may seem like it’s worthless, but doing those lame 5 push-ups a day instead of the 20-minute workout you wanted to put in, is better than nothing at all. You are making progress, no matter how small it may seem.

Make it a habit to practice every day. That way, you don’t even hesitate. It’s as automatic as brushing your teeth.

All the artists you see who have fantastic, awe-inspiring art may seem like Unreachable Gods sometimes, but those artists didn’t just pull that out of their ass one day. They put in hours and hours and hours of work. Let’s not disrespect other artists by ignoring that and chalking it up to “talent”. No one is born with an innate ability to draw. WE can get there too if we practice!

I want to get good enough to draw the things I have in my head one day!

Some resources that may be helpful:

Draw a Box - This is a site for free lessons for absolute beginners. Look under “Lessons” to learn. The creator of the site is the mod for r/ArtFundamentals. You can post your work there to get critiqued.

Check out Proko’s videos on gesture drawing, art fundamentals, etc. Daily routines of successful artists.

Use this site to practice figure drawing, gesture drawing - Set aside some time to practice drawing people and animals every day. Start trying to see things as lines, shapes, and go big. Don’t get too caught up in the details, and tiny drawings. Learning to draw fast (not draw FAST as in speed, but as in capture the gesture in a post, the “feel” of the movement) will force you to do this more, and with more experience, make your figures less stiff looking.

And it’s okay if you’re aren’t good at it. You’ll make loads and loads of shit drawings until you can get decent.

I’m most definitely in this stage right now, trying to train my Artist’s Eye. As in, I can’t just draw a figure from memory. I don’t really know what goes where without a reference, or how they move, etc. You can tell by how stiff my drawings look.

Lulusketches How to Improve video - She has similar advice, but her point about looking at “Art of” books something I have come across from multiple professional artists; Her advice on worrying about finding your own “style” is really good too. Do challenges like she said!

Her playlist of art tutorials & advice is great. They’re short and sweet. Her beginner digital art tutorial got me started on digital art (the one with Ginny Weasley).

Not free ($30 a month), but these online Schoolism classes look helpful. It’s run by Bobbie Chiu. I saw some great reviews and I want to try them someday. They’re taught by artists in the animation/film industry. But you gotta have a basic grasp on digital art/photoshop for many of the classes, I think? I’m not 100% sure. They’re pre-recorded video lessons.

You can pay more for feedback from the teachers, but you can also just use it as a self-learning guide.

This drawing faces from any angle video was pretty helpful for me. The artist has loads of other tutorials.

COMICS

I don’t feel qualified enough to give much advice on comics. I mean, I don’t even draw the lines for the boxes, haha.. However, these comic books are basically required reading for some courses:

Scott McCloud’s Understanding Comics & Making Comics.

I can’t remember which one it is that I read, I think it was Making Comics? But wow, if I remember correctly, it was FULL of really useful things about how to make effective comics. I lost the book while moving years ago, but it was FANTASTIC learning material. I loved every panel of it.

He talks about everything from perspective, placement of characters, speech bubbles, how big panels should be, etc.

If you can afford it, get a used one and start reading! Even if you don’t want to make comics just yet, it’s super interesting.

#art #comics #art reference #art resources #asks #text #okay i fixed some of the links now #added better stuff

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