#to my dear student who asked if i had ocd and i was like..... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

epic-potato-crisp · 3 years

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Caramel Syrup

Note: Dear @gingerrhd, I was your secret santa this year! You mentioned KouKei, autumn, sarcasm, and the worst coffee date ever in the prompts, so I decided to go with a coffeshop! AU for the story. I hope you enjoy! ^-^

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The bell jingled over his head as Kei pried open the heavy door of “Fantôme.” There weren’t many customers around, which is what he had been going for for when he decided to pick a small, secluded coffeeshop to study in favor of the larger franchise store down the road. It had been his go-to-place, before Kei discovered just how many students from his High School spend their free hours and afternoons there.

No thank you. Kei could do without the obligatory socialization every time he tried to get ahead in his homework. Also, their management had changed and for some absurd reason he had a strange feeling about the new shift manager behind the counter, an old man approaching pension age who graced him with a downright unsettling smile every time they met. So Fantôme it was. As it turned out, not only was the store empty, and offered “Free Wifi” if one were to believe the obnoxious signs plastered throughout, it also held a large amount of seating opportunities. That was welcome news to Kei, who despised encountering his classmates almost as the lack of free tables. “Welcome!” The red-haired boy behind the counter shouted as soon as he spotted him, bowing promptly. Kei grimaced at the ear-splitting volume. “A gingerbread latte please.” he ordered, after a customary glance at the menu. “That will be 600 yen.” Kei nodded, and handed over the required amount. “Alright. Please take a seat. Coming right up!!” the barista responded, flashing him an irritatingly cheerful smile. Kei rolled his eyes and went to find a table.

“Here you go, sorry for the delay.” A good ten minutes later, a steaming cup of coffee was placed in front of him. Kei had already spread himself out over the desk, his laptop turned on and class notes on his side. “Thanks.” Kei graced the barista-server-whatever he was with a court nod, before turning back to his screen. “Oh, what are you doing there?”

Someone save him.

“Homework.” “Oh, cool, for what subject?” The redhead didn’t seem the slightest bit deterred by the venomous look Kei shot him, sliding into the empty next to him. On the contrary. “History.” “Oh man, I hate that subject. But you know what I hate even more?” Kei did not remember asking, but the barista generously provided him with an update anyway. “Biology. Seriously man, I didn’t know there were so many complicating things to know about plans. Don’t you just water them?” He gestured wildly as he spoke. “Oh, and don’t get me started on Japanese Literature-“ “Don’t you have work to do?” Kei cut across him. “Nah, actually, my shift break just started. Lucky, eh?” the barista grinned.

Oh God, he should have gone to his old place. Not even his classmates talked this much.

“I’m Nakano Kou, by the way! Nice to meet you!” He held out his hand. Kei grimaced, but forced himself into the polite response and shook it briefly. “Likewise.” He replied monotonously. Nakano tilted his head, his bushy eyebrows travelling skywards. So much for privacy. “I’m Nagai Kei.” Kei grumbled, “And I have work to do, so if you excuse me-“

It was at that moment a tall man with glasses and silver hair appeared behind the counter. “Nakano!” he barked, as soon as he spotted the pair of them, “If you have time to harass the customers, you might as well get to work! The tables won’t clear themselves.” Nakano winced, caught and got to his feet with a sigh. “Sorry, my shift manager is no fun. I’ll see you around, yeah?” Kei didn’t dignify that with a response. He got to work.

“Welcome! Oh, Nagai, it’s great to see you back!” “Likewise.” Kei ground out between clenched teeth, cursing his luck. The shop was fuller this time, the tables being occupied by elderly people enjoying their afternoon treat and college students typing away at laptops alike. Did the Fantôme not employ anyone else? Either Nakano was the epitome of obliviousness, or he purposefully ignored Kei’s hostile tone. He took his order- Kei went with his regular, with an extra helping of caramel syrup- chatting away merrily as he did. “Honestly, I’m really glad you chose our store. You know, the bigger franchise one down the road?” “Hard to miss.” Kei deadpanned. “Yeah, that one! So, they drive away most of our customers. But Hirasawa-san- that’s my boss, you know- he says not to worry. That the Phantom has its own unique charm, ya know?” The coffee machine beeped shrilly. “Oh, whoops, gotta refill the water tank. Just a second!” “It’s Fantôme.” Kei couldn’t help himself. “What?” Nakano appeared genuinely confused, as he filled a large container under the sink. “The shop. It’s pronounced Fantôme.” Correcting other people’s pronounciation had always been one of Kei’s biggest pet peeves. It hadn’t exactly helped him in making friends at school. “Sure, if you say so! French confuses the heck out of me.” Kei was about to spitefully remark what doesn’t, but held his tongue.

Nakano, who had meanwhile successfully managed to get the machine working again, turned his back on the cup filling with coffee and grabbed a chocolate pastry from showcase, placed it on a tiny plate and handed it to Kei.” “Voila!” “I didn’t order that.” Kei said. “Yeah, I know. Consider it on the house.” Kou winked and rang him up.

Kei managed about an hour of successfully typing away at his essay before a certain redheaded menace decided to join him again at the table.

“Hey, hope you don’t mind!” He declared energetically, before taking a seat next to Kei, armed with a piece of cake and sparkling glass of soda. Kei did mind, but apparently that was obsolete.

“So what are you doing today?” “History again. Citing my sources.” “Ugh, that sounds boring.” Nakano said emphatically. “Tell me about it.” “So you’re going to Kaisei?” Nakano said, with a nod to his blazer. “I guess.” “Isn’t that crazy hard to get into?” Kei shrugs. “Maybe. I didn’t think the entrance exam was that difficult.” “Woah!” If Kou’s eyes widened any further, they would have popped out of their sockets. “You’re really fucking smart, aren’t you?” Kei, much to his disagreement, felt his cheeks warm at the unexpected praise. “So, you’re in High School too? What year?” Kei asked, in an attempt to redirect the conversation towards Nakano himself. “Year 2.” “Same as me.” Nakano groaned pitifully. “End of term exams are going to kill me once I start studying for them.” Kei stopped his typing. “What do you mean once you start studying for them? They’re in February.” “Yeah, so? “It’s December.” Kei knew it wasn’t his place to advise the other boy on study methods, but he was adept at spotting a train wreck in the making. Or perhaps, that was just his OCD talking. “When were you going to start?” “End of January?” Nakano responded. It sounded like a question.

Oh dear God.

“Anyway.” Nakano said, misinterpreting his stunned silence for agreement, “You know how I said that the larger store drives our customers away? Know why that is?” His eyes sparkled excitedly. Kei glanced at the counter, hoping the coffee machine would decide to act up again and save him from the rest of this conversation. “Other than that they’re an internationally renowned franchise with stores all over the world? No. Couldn’t possibly imagine.” Kei replied sarcastically, which went right over Nakano’s head. “Nah, that’s not it.” Nakano said, dismissing Kei’s perfectly logical statement with a wave of his hand. He grinned conspiratorially. “Listen to this. There are rumors that their new manager is cahoots with the yakuza. The Yakuza! Crazy, right?” “Wow.” Kei said, not knowing what else to respond to this. Indeed, the grandpa behind the counter did look like he could murder his him in his sleep and get away with it. It would probably a merciful death by comparison, he thought, side-eyeing Nakano, who rambled on as though there was no tomorrow. A few minutes later, he was saved by the same sour-faced shift manager that had come to his aid the other day. “Stop trash-talking the competition, Nakano! Table 3 wants to order!” “Ah, yessir!” Nakano yelled, making Kei wince. He jumped up and gave a wave. “Laters!” Kei pinched his forehead, and returned to his sources.

For someone who had vowed to never return here, Kei thought glumly to himself, as he walked into the Fantôme a week later on a rainy Thursday afternoon, he was really bad at keeping promises. Even to himself. The lady behind the counter was tiny. “Good afternoon.” She greeted him monotonously, staring at him with dark, soulful eyes that looked like they’d seen enough. “What would you like?” Kei thought decisively that he didn’t miss the exciting chatter that had accompanied his earlier orders, and got out his wallet.

“Oh, hey! Nagai! Izumi-san, I’m taking this one.” Kei didn’t know what exactly possessed him to return the very next day, but there was work he had to yet finish, and the atmosphere of the coffeeshop had provided to aid his levels of productivity. Well, for the most part. “Alright.” The petite woman from yesterday replied, eyes even more weary than the day before, and moved on to the next customer. Fridays were busy, even at the Fantôme. “Gingerbread latte?” Nakano asked, as soon as Nagai reached the counter. Nagai nodded. “And, one of these pastries, please.” he said. “Coming right up! And, sorry, but I guess I’ll have to charge you for the pastry this time. Tosaki-san- that’s my shift manager said I’m not allowed to give out freebies.” He shrugged. “That’s fine.” Kei said. “But I’m starting to convince him of the fact that you’re a regular, so that might change!” Nakano winked. “Don’t count on it.” “Yeah, yeah, that’s what they all say.” Nakano said teasingly, and rang him up.

Kei was impressed to learn that even a rush on a Friday afternoon was not enough to deter Nakano from bothering him at his table. Strangely enough, he found himself not really minding the company. Even if it did keep him from his statistics homework. “Fun fact.” Nakano said, “You know that this store was originally gonna be called IBM? But you know, that’s trademarked, so Hirasawa-san didn’t go ahead with it.” “What the hell would IBM even stand for?” Kei shut his laptop screen, deciding that perhaps a small break would not completely ruin his progress. He took a bite out of his pastry, which tasted more delicious than it had any business being. “I don’t know, man. International Brewery Masters?” “You literally have one store.” “Point taken.” Nakano grinned.

Kei rolled his eyes. “Shouldn’t you be at the register?” “My coworker’s handling it.” Nakano said, making large puppy eyes at him, “I have a double shift on Saturday, give me a break.” “Your coworker?” “Well, yeah, Izumi-san. You’ve met her, right?” Nakano’s voice picked up, excitedly. “She’s really hot, isn’t she?” “What exactly is hot, Nakano-kun?” a quiet voice asked behind him asked. Nakano choked on his soda. The woman in question had approached with the stealth of a panther. She narrowed her eyes at the younger employee. “I-Izumi-san!” Nakano responded, flustered, “I, uh, I meant the coffee! Right, Kei? It’s really nice and hot, isn’t it?” “It’s very good, indeed.” Kei responded, after a delighting moment of watching Nakano struggle in embarrassment. Izumi left, but not without shooting last glare in Nakano’s direction. “I feel like she doesn’t like me.” Nakano whined, as soon as she was out of earshot. “How on earth did you reach that conclusion?” Kei asked, raising an eyebrow. He glanced at his watch. It was already close to 6 pm. “I’m sorry, but I’m leaving in a bit.” Eriko was home from the hospital for the weekend. And as strained as their relationship might be, Kei did feel guilty for not spending as much time with his little sister as he probably should have. “Oh, that’s perfect!” Nakano replied, “I’ll get off in half an hour. Want to walk to the station together?” Oh well. He needed to catch his train either way. “Sure.”

Nakano, predictably, talked the entire way to the station. Which suited Kei well this time, as it saved him from having to make awkward small talk. He learned that Nakano had been working at the Fantôme for a year already. He was one of two High Schoolers the shop’s owner, Hirsawa-san had employed. Most other employees were college students. There was Tosaki, who was studying for his masters at Keio University, and Izumi, an undergrad student at Sophia. He also learned that Nakano lived on his own, and had barely scraped by his first year in High School. When asked about his parents, he shrugged. “They didn’t pay the rent, and got us kicked out of our place. My uncle’s helping me pay for a room, but I’m pretty much on my own with all other expenses. Sucks, but that’s the way it is.” “I’m sorry.” Kei answered, not knowing what else to say. “Don’t be.” Nakano gave him a smile that seemed genuine, “I do like my job. Even though Tosaki-san can be a pain at times.” An awkward silence fell between them. “Want to exchange LINE ID’s?” Nakano asked, just before they reached the station. “Sure, whatever.” “You can call me Kou, by the way. Nakano’s so freaking formal. And can I call you Kei, too?” “Whatever.” Kei repeated, ignoring the pleased feeling in the pit of his stomach when he realized Nakano had bothered to remember his first name.

Ten minutes later, on a crowded train heading back home, Kei muted his phone notifications when Kou wouldn’t stop spamming their chat with rilakumma emojis.

Despite his better judgement, Kei started showing up at the Fantôme once a week. His visits fell mostly on Mondays, which was coincidentally also the day that Kou was on his regular shift. Kei blamed it on the workload the school assigned with the beginning of every week.

He had slowly developed a craving for the Fantôme’s coffee specials, and the place did offer a rather peaceful study atmosphere, if he left aside Kou’s chattering during his impromptu visits at Kei’s table.

But even those, he secretly grew to like. Not that he would ever admit to it.

“Welcome! Your order?” The barista at the counter was not Kou. A shadow fell over Kei as the man towered above him at what was easily two meters of height. The Fantome’s signature apron barely reached his midriff. The accompanying cream-coloured frills provided a striking contrast to his perpetual scowl. Tanaka, the name tag read. “I, um-“ “Oh, hello Kei.” Izumi greeted him, emerging from the kitchen with a rare smile. He did know when exactly she had learned his name, but somewhere between his first and his fifteenth visit, he had apparently made an impression. It was what came with being a “regular” , he supposed, which wasn’t nearly as beneficial as Kou made it out to be. Even though he enjoyed the occasional complimentary pastry. Where was he, anyway? It was a Monday like any other. “Nakano’s not working today.” she said, apparently having read his thoughts, “He’s at home studying. His exams are coming up soon.” “Oh, I see.” Kei said, “Then, well…” he glanced at the mountain of a barista that looked like he could take him out in one ill-timed blow, “I just wanted to get drinks for takeaway. One gingerbread latte, please.” he said. “600 yen.” “Actually, can you make that two?” Tanaka grunted, which Kei understood as a confirmation. “Visiting a friend?” Izumi-san asked, a knowing look in her eyes. “Just for my sister.” Kei responded. His heart was racing, which was a little odd, he thought. He was yet to consume any amount of caffeine. “I see.”

This was most likely a bad idea, Kei thought. In between spamming him with memes, links to prank compilations on youtube and various emojis, Kou had also written his address.

“What would I need that for? ”Kei had texted back. “In case you ever wanna hang out!” Kei had left him on read.

Now, standing in front of his door, he considered turning around. But he had already come all this way, to a ward on the suburbs of Tokyo. Also, the coffee was getting cold. He sighed, and pressed the doorbell. “Kei!!” Nakano’s surprised expression gave way to a joyful one when he noticed his unexpected visitor. “Come in, please!” He beckoned him inside eagerly. “Please excuse the intrusion.” Kei mumbled, taking off his shoes and stepping into Nakano’s apartment. It was tiny. There was bed and a dresser, a floor table and seating pillows. A fridge, and a single stove with a microwave took up one corner of the room. Kei spotted a door in the another one, probably leading to a bathroom. Also, it looked like a bomb had exploded in here. “Please have a seat. Sorry, it’s not very tidy.” Nakano said, That put it lightly, Kei thought, stepping over books, socks and empty bottles. Nakano brought him a glass of water, and they sat down at the table. “I heard you were studying for exams.” “Yeah, I have some tests coming up.” Kou sighed, “Tosaki-san told me to take the week off and study. When I came into work this afternoon, he yelled at me, so… I guess I’m here.” He laughed embarrassedly. “When are your exams?” Kei asked, with an impending feeling of doom, taking a sip of his water. “Thursday. Friday.” Nakano said. “This week?” “Yep.” He should have just gone home. “Do you have trouble with any of the material?” Nakano flashed him a saccharine smile. “Perhaps you could tutor me?” Kei could feel a headache coming on. “Depends on the subjects.” “Math, I can mostly do, but I am struggling with biology.” Nakano said, giving him the largest puppy eyes Kei had ever witnessed. “Alright, fine. Let’s do this.” Kei agreed with a sigh, opening a textbook. How hard could that possibly be? He aced biology every time. Surely tutoring someone else was not that vastly different.

One hour later, their styrofoam cups were empty and Kei was about to lose his sanity. “What exactly are you not getting about the polymerase chain reaction?” He snapped, twisting a pen in his hand, ink smudging all over his fingers, “It’s not that hard!”

“Yes, it is.” Nakano yelled, desperation clawing its way into his voice. “Well, what part?” “Everything.” Nakano moaned, burying his face in his hands. “Oh man, I’m sorry. Nagai. I’m a lost cause. You should just go home.” Kei felt very tempted to do just that, but he took a way at Kou’s room and the tense way he hunched his shoulders and the staple of bills on the corner of the desk, and felt like an asshole for even considering it. But wait. He still had an ace up his sleeve. He stepped out onto the balcony, and made a call.

“I came as fast as I could.” Kaito leaned against the doorframe, motorcycle helmet underneath his arm, “Lucky I live nearby.” “Thank you. I owe you one.” Kei said. Kaito waved him off. “No, believe me, you’ll call in that favor once you see what I mean.” Kei said dryly. Kaito laughed at his pained expression. “It’ll be fine.” “Kei, are you leaving?” Nakano called, emerging from the bathroom. He paused in his tracks once he saw Kaito. “Oh, hi, you are-“ “Your new biology teacher.” Kei said coldly. Kou tilted his head in confusion. “A friend of mine. Who’s good at biology. He agreed to teach you. That’s all.” Kei grumbled. Immediately, Kou’s face lit up like a Christmas tree. “Hey! Wow, thanks for doing this! I’m really an idiot, so sorry in advance for taking up your time. I’m Nakano, by the way. Come in!” “Kaito. Pleasure.” the blond replied, giving him a warm smile. “I’m gonna go and get some food from the conbini down the road.” Kei responded, “Have fun.” “Get me some tuna onigiri, yeah?” Kou called after him. “In your dreams.” Kaito laughed.

Three hours later, they sat at Kou’s table together, feasting on rice balls, soba noodles and lemon tea. “Kaito, you’re seriously the best.” Kou said, mid-chew. Kei turned his face away in disgust. “I feel like I really understood the stuff for the first-time!” “You’re welcome.” Kaito replied, “And by the way, Kou, don’t be so hard on yourself. You do understand more than you think. I think you just have trouble remembering the detail, but that’s okay. It’s what you study for, after all.” “You’re so nice, Kaito.” Kou fawned, “You’re much nicer than Kei.” “Hey. Remember who got him here in the first place?” Kei snapped, irritated. “I know, sorry. That was pretty great of you.” Kou said apologetically, grinning at him cheekily. Pretty great of you. Kei felt his cheeks heating up. “Bathroom.” he said, leaving as quickly as he could, and ignoring the smile on Kaito’s face.

“So, what’s the result?” Kou’s shift manager had apparently been waiting for them already when they walked into the store on Monday. “Hello, Tosaki-san, nice to see you too.” Kou said, rolling his eyes. Tosaki glared at him. “Okay, okay, fine!” Kou held up his hands in defeat. “I passed. Both exams. B in maths, C in biology.” “Just a C, after all the tutoring that Kaito gave you.” Kei comments acidly, “Were you even trying?” “Hey, I passed, okay? Wasn’t that the goal?” Kou pouted at him. Kei sighed, wishing that his puppy eyes didn’t have that much of an effect on him.

“I guess you did. Well done.”

Kou smiled at him. Kei felt his heart flutter, and looked away. “Well done, Nakano-kun.” Izumi said, who’d apparently overheard a part of their conversation, “Nagai’s drink is on me.” “Thanks.” Kei said. “Well then, get to work.” Tosaki adjusted his glasses. “Seriously, that’s all? Don’t I get a reward or something?” “Your reward is the tables you’ll be clearing.” Tosaki says haughtily, crossing his arms in front of his chest, “You’re late, so get moving.” “Yes, boss.” Kou sighs. “…Well done.” Kou turned in his tracks. “What was that?” “Move it!”

“Your regular?” Izumi asked, just as Nakano trudged off to get changed, “It’s on me.” “Is the gingerbread latte even a seasonal item anymore?” Kei said, seriously. “We make exceptions for our frequent customers.” Izumi responds, lowering her voice secretively. “Well, then I won’t say no.”

Izumi hummed and got to work preparing his drink. “Oh, in case you were worried. Nakano-kun still has all his vacation days. I guess that’s a type of reward, isn’t it?” “Hadn’t crossed my mind to be worried at all.” Kei answered, too quickly for it to be true. “I see.” Izumi said, with this knowing smile Kei hoped he interpreted too much into. “Here you go.” “Thank you.”

Kou came out from the staff room at this very second, wearing his work-shirt and apron. “Grab a seat, yeah?” he told Kei, “I’ll be with you as soon as I get a free minute.” “You don’t have to-“ His voice cut off, his brain short-circuiting in shock once he realized that Kou had kissed his cheek. “I-“ “That’s your reward.” Kou said, smiling at him, gentle and invigorating like summer rain, and for the first time in months, Kei was speechless.

#koukei #nagai kei #nakano kou #ajin #ajinss20 #ajin demi human #ajin secret santa #gingerrhd #fanfic

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puppycat714 · 4 years

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Chapter 3: Welcome to Hogwarts

prologue part 2

Hello... to anyone who is reading this... um I started this about a year ago and I haven’t done another part yet, not because I didn’t want to but this past year has been exceptionally hard and exhausting for me. I started college last year, and freshman year has never been a good year for me. This year was no different. To sum it up as briefly as possible I found out I had OCD, due to my obsessive thought they became triggering. I was having many panic attacks a week and was just glad with passing my classes. Then summer came along and me and my parents haven’t been seeing eye to eye... then I had to put my dog down. I have been under an immense amount of stress and my depression has been through the roof. So I want to apologize. I finally got a lap top so I hope to do more writing. I DO NOT want to give up this story for it has been the only thing keeping me sane for the last year. I have developed this story and I want to share it with you guys! I am so excited to be able to post something again! Hope you guys enjoy!

Word count: 1,508

You sat there staring at him. Then you began to laugh.Between laughs you asked, “Albus...hahaha... Dumbledore?” Then you laughed harder. Oh the irony that was about to unfold before you. Eventually you calmed down. You looked at him only to see him with a serious face. This shut you up. You took in your surroundings for the first time since waking up. He definitely could fit the description of Albus Dumbledore, but thats... not possible... right?

You finally spoke after a few minutes of trying to figure everything out. “Sir... your kidding, right? If this is Hogwarts then do a spell”, you folded your arms in front of you. You needed proof. I mean this shouldn’t be possible, but there was a small voice in your head that wanted this to be true.

He took out his ‘wand’ and waved it while saying “lumos”. After saying that the tip of the wand emitted a bright light. you were shocked to say the least. You didn’t know what to say.

Then he said “Nox”, and the spell stopped. You were sure your jaw dropped. He had a wide grin on his face. “I’m surprised you didn’t know this... I thought she would have told you by now...” he mumbled. “How about you rest now, and I’ll explain everything tomorrow,” then he left. Of course you weren’t tired at the moment, and while there were many questions burning in your mind, you just had to wait until tomorrow.

Madam Pomfrey wouldn’t let anyone in so you sat there for the rest of the day trying to process everything that just unfolded in the past few hours. Apparently you had fractured your tailbone when you fell, but it’s healed now so you should be good by tomorrow. Eventually you fell asleep.

You woke to Madam Pomfrey checking in on you. After that you were free to go. When you exited the doors of the hospital wing, a professor waited for you outside.

Even though you were nervous, you slowly walked up to her to ask for directions. You’d figure You should talk to Dumbledore to figure out how to get home. I bet dads worried about me... I have never left the house and not returned before... then again I am here at Hogwarts... it’s a dream come true, I almost don’t want to go home, but dad can’t take care of himself... As you were thinking, the professor was trying to get your attention.

“Miss (Y/L/N), I need you to listen,” she said. Of course that got your attention. Her voice was stern, and it reminded you of... no way it can’t be...can it? You looked up and sure enough you were face to face with the professor Mcgonagall. Oh shit.

“Hello p-professor, I seem to have spaced out. My bad. Um could you direct me to Headmaster Dumbledore's office? I’m not sure how to get there and I really don’t want to get lost here...” of course you began to ramble... you were nervous.

“I was waiting for you so that I could do just that miss (Y/L/N). Follow me please,” she then began to walk away. You stood there baffled by the interaction before catching up to her.

After a confusing and awkward walk to the office, you finally came face to face with the headmaster himself. You were gawking at all the things within the office, and he let you for a few moments until he deemed it was time to talk about your situation.

“Miss (Y/L/N) I have a few question I’d like you to answer for me.” he started. Of course he had questions, but so did you. You just weren’t sure if you could answer any of them.

“Yes headmaster,” you replied. It would be strange for anyone to have a child pop out of nowhere at their school.

“How did you get here?” he asked.

“Well sir as I said before, that’s hard to explain and i’m not sure of it myself. All I know was that I was in my house when I found this secret room. There was a door in the room with a key and a small note which read, ‘For those who need to be placed where they belong they must open the door to right the wrong.’ It was the strangest feeling when I picked up the key. Then I used the key to open the door. I just felt an urge to open and go through the door. Then I felt a tug as I went through the door and landed by a lake. Which I assume is the Black Lake. Then well, you know the rest I assume.” you explained.

“Do you remember what the door looked like?” He asked.

“Vaguely sir. It was a dark wooded door with some weird symbols that I couldn’t understand. It was definitely a sight to see though.” You didn’t know how else to describe it, but it was a magnificent sight.

“Could you draw it? he questioned.

“well sir it may not be the best drawing but I can try my best.” You answered.

He then brought out a parchment paper, some ink, and a quill. “Here try drawing it.”

After attempting to draw it with as much details as you could. You showed him the picture. “I hope this is enough for you.” He glanced down at it and turned around. He brought out a book and started to skim through it until he found what he was looking for. Then he showed me a picture of the exact door I saw.

“Is this the door you went through miss (Y/L/N)?” He asked.

“Yeah it is... how did you...” You started to ask but he replied before you could finish your question.

“I may have had a similar... case like this with a student previous to you. The door is called, “The door of tempus disciplinam“ the door that corrects time. It only comes when a person is in the wrong time period and it takes them to the time they are supposed to be in. Which means the door believes that this is the time you are needed in.” He explained.

"So you're saying that this is where I am needed in order for this timeline to continue the way it should?" You were baffled by this revelation. It's not that you didn’t want to be here. It's a dream come true to even set foot into the castle , but you can't help but think about your father. He has lost everything, and you couldn't bear to leave him alone. Not when you have a choice to go back, or so you thought. That was crushed almost immediately.

"Yes that is correct, and as far as I know there is no way back to your time." He answered your question before you could even ask it.

“Is there truly no way back?” You asked.

“The only way back is if the door needs you in a different time.” he answered.

“So what do we do about me? I mean I have no magical abilities...” you stated.

“Are you so sure about that? Can you tell me for certain you haven’t had anything strange happen? Objects moving when they shouldn’t, others considering you weird or an outcast, or just strange things that happen around you that you can’t seem to explain.” He asked. Looking back on that stuff, he was right. You can’t say that these things didn’t happen. Then he continued, “If you were truly a muggle, you would not be able to see the castle. There is an enchantment on the castle so that muggles only see our school as ruins. Yet here you sit, and you can see the castle. You my dear are no muggle. You are a wizard.

You let that sink in. It was hard to process. All of your life you were seen as a weirdo, and an outcast.

After reading the Harry Potter series, you felt a sense of belonging. Finally there was something that made you feel... understood. The characters were fun, and so were their personalities, the plot worked well, and it was just a great series. Was it the best with diversity, no. Did it drive some controversial topics, of course. Did you agree with everything in the books, of course not. But it still made you laugh, cry, and made you feel angry. That is what a book should do. If it makes you feel things then you know the author did what they wanted to convey to the readers. Now you were apart of this world. The question is when.

“Sir if you don’t mind me asking, what year is this?” the million dollar question.

“It is 1976.” he replied.

That means... the marauders were in their fifth year. The year they became unregistered animagus’... wait a second... the dog at the lake, and the kids you saw in the infirmary... oh boy.

@roxytheimmortal @rachelscosplay

#after a million years #i finally made a thing #but something is better than nothing #James Potter #james potter x reader #x reader #Harry Potter #harry potter x reader #marauders fic #marauders era x reader #marauders era

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darkjanet · 5 years

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How Cyberbullies ruined my life.

My name is Jasmine Smith and I need your help with this. This is my cyberbullying story since 2011 and that happened to me in my entire life. So now I’m writing this whole story rest of my thoughts and depend on it. Back in 2005 ever since when I was 15, I searched the website called DeviantArt. It had anime, cartoon, space, nature, and yaoi. Yes, I love yaoi. Everyone had drawn so many things, I was astounded. I hadn’t joined the DeviantArt yet because I had MSN TV 2, so I looked at this site; I like anime were Full Metal Alchemist, Beyblades, Digimon, Tenchi Muyo, Sailor Moon, Ah! My Goddess and Naruto. (Fuck, yeah. Naruto is the best.) I wish I could join the DeviantArt and asked them how did they do that. I knew I was an artist when I was young and I also wrote a story. I remember I wrote a letter to Warner Bros. that I wanted to be on the movie. Yes, it was my dream is to become an entertainer. In 2009, I joined the DA after graduated high school and began reading comics to get my mind off the evil teacher named Ms.Baker. One night, I was reading Naruto comic. Nekoni never owned Naruto, it belonged to the creator. Once I finished Naruto comic, I asked Nekoni how he was doing his comic and artwork. And he told me he had Cintiq 21ux and Photoshop. I think it was my first time to join this DA and I realized I didn't have a drawing tablet. So I thanked him for the info and went to the job site. After I finished the job site, I went back to the DA and reading some more comics before I went to sleep. I had read Naruto, Sailor Moon, FMA and more. I was looking for a last comic before I had to go to sleep, in a few seconds later, it caught my attention. I obtained this strange-looking page like it was a real anime. It was PPGD which I hadn't seen or heard of this before. So I took a look and read that. It made me wonder who made it. They said it was Bleedman who created PPGD, Grim Tales and Sugar Bits. I told them I've never even heard of that. And they said those comics were created in 2004. That was 5 years ago. In September, I was packing my stuff and be ready to go to college starting as a freshman. I bid my farewell to my family and drove my car. I had arrived the college and entered my dorm. I had a new Japanese friend named Takari and she gave me Manga, trading cards, video game, and stuff. I was stoked. I asked her to play a game together. This evening I was doing studying my algebra and listened to music from my iPod. I was done studying and went to my laptop, I first visited my DA account and I got a message. So I opened it, it was an icon that that Boomer from RRB eating pies and username BeeAre. I asked him, "Do I know you?" He said he was a writer of PPGD. I was feeling suspicious about this guy. Could this be...? Nah. I went to YouTube to watch some show or something. In March of 2011, I was at the library doing computer (which means my laptop had been broken down), I was looking for a job online to get a new laptop and a drawing tablet. I had applied Pizza Hut, 7-11, Starbucks, and McDonald's. After my applications were submitted, I knew I had plenty of time before going to Physics class. So I went to DA and started collecting Legend of Zelda, BloodRayne, Blade, Naruto, Spawn and more. I was getting bored a little. So I asked Seiryuga when did the 3 boys come in the comic. I was about to log out my DA account, and then the message had instantly sent. It's a message from the girl and she asked me what was with me and the RRB (Rowdyruff Boys). I replied to her they came to the recuse. And then I logged her and to physics class. The next day, I finished the art class and went to the cafeteria meeting with my dear friend Takari. We were eating our lunches and doing conversation. I fished my pocket for my phone, I surfed the internet and went on DA. I got a message from yesterday. I opened it up and read this. However, it was a rude and offensive letter and she said that was just sick. I thought, "WTF?" Takari asked, "What's wrong?" I said, "Something's not right. I didn't say anything like this. What time is it?" She looked at her watch, "12:55." It was five minutes before going to the history class, I had to pick up my stuff and told her I would be right behind her and rushed to the library real quick. As I got in the library, I quickly logged on my DA account and replied to her what the hell was she talking about. And I pressed the submit button, but suddenly there was access denied on the screen. "Huh? Access denied? That can't be right, I just sent the guy a message." I said quietly. I tried to type it and replied again and again but to no avail. I then discovered Seiryuga's profile and to my shock, I was blocked by this guy! I had never been blocked by someone before! I was shocked when this happened. He might have wireless on the go during his vacation when I wasn't around yesterday. And the bell rang jarred my nerves, it was time for me to go to history class. I cursed under my breath, I logged off, quickly grabbed my stuff and ran to the history class. Takari was sitting there and waiting for me. As I got in the class on time. I sat beside her and hung my head and cursed breathlessly. Takari asked me what happened. I told her I got blocked by Seiryuga. How could this happened? On April of 2011, I had decided to go to Snafu-Comics.com and created an account. Now there would be no problem. But suddenly I got attacked by cyberbullies for calling me twifag, troll, slut, retarded, and they said my arts suck. And Seiryuga said he didn't remember me and cursed at me with terrible foul language. I was shocked and hurt that he would NEVER cursed at me in the first place! And BeeAre just asked some fucking stupid questions if I had ADD and OCD. I cannot believe this man that he asked me for my information. That bastard! I'm a fucking college student! I hate BeeAre. In 2012, I had to investigate Snafu-Comics and talked to the moderator to get rid of those cyberbullies. But he didn't believe me and banned my account. I was so frustrated! Shit! This can't be happening... So on February 3, 2015, I went to the police department by myself while my mom and my sister were off to work (I am unemployed, I have to find a job). As I arrived at the police station, I talked to her and tried to report on cyberbullies, unfortunately, the police lady said there was nothing we do. How can this be? They just cyberbullied me on the internet! I was beyond frustrated because no one has ever helped me. I have no job and I can't even move on from my Mom's house. And now I can't become an entertainer and create my own anime. I was very desperate about this. I hate BeeAre and Seiryuga in my entire life. So now I made this petition to stop the cyberbullying. It's my only hope that people will sign this. I've always prayed that let this cyberbullying end. I spread the word to everyone, my family, my aunties and uncles, my cousins, my friends, my idols, my old high school teachers, and even YouTubers. I want everyone to need my support. And also, I mailed them to NBC and CBS about my cyberbullying problem. But I've got to move on from my Mom's house as quick as possible. That's all I'm saying. Sincerely, Jasmine.

#anti-bullying #no bullying #cyberbullying

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swordlawyer · 4 years

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Day 2 went well yesterday, but was exhausting. Wednesday is my long day (four hours of class, a three hour break, then four hours of class, going til 9pm) but I live close enough to campus that I can go home during the break. I think I'm going to enjoy all of my classes, but Mental Health Law is going to be a bit of a trial. Not only is it from 7 to 9 at the end of a long day (somewhat ironic for a mental health class, no?) but there's a student in the class who…to put it gently I do not get along with. He was in my 1L section and we butted heads frequently, including a fairly ugly in-class exchange during a discussion of Obergefell (the major US federal marriage equality case). I do not trust his ability to be compassionate and understanding while discussing mental health law and policy, and I know him to be prone to asserting his own convoluted moral philosophies as though they were binding law, or more appropriately gospel truth. Predictably it took less than an hour for him to start on a hyper-conservative tirade on the natural rights of parents as paramount to all other rights, relying on the erroneous concept that parentage is determined by flesh-and-blood relations, rather than being a legal status conferred upon individuals regardless of biological relation. As an adoptee who intends to adopt my own children, family as a biological ultimatum is not a concept I have any amount of patience for. I am more than willing to go toe to toe with him over topics about which we disagree (in the two and a half years I have known him, that has been literally every single thing we have discussed together) but it is disheartening to have to deal with somebody who actively triggers my fight-or-flight response during a class dedicated to mental health. The good news is he managed to visibly piss off virtually the entire class, including the professor, during the first class so at least I'll be in good company. Special Education Law went really well, and I even managed to convince my fiancée to sign up for it, so we'll have one last class together. It's right in their wheelhouse, since they've worked in special education law in the past and wanted to be a teacher before coming to law school. We did an exercise in the first class that asked us to pose as representatives of different special education advocacy groups in our city, and the disability rights group I work with was one of the assigned groups, so I had the opportunity to talk fairly extensively about my organization and the work we do, which was refreshing. This is also an issue very near and dear to me, as my brother had a behavioral plan in place when he was in public school and I would have benefited greatly from having a plan, but since my ADHD and OCD weren't diagnosed until law school and the minor dyslexia I likely have is as yet undiagnosed, and I was doing well enough to not raise any red flags, I was never identified as a student eligible for special education plans, which meant I struggled quietly but internalized my challenges as personal failings rather than failings of the educational system. The special education system in the United States is getting progressively better but it's still leagues away from where it needs to be. Biodiversity and Ecosystems Management was incredible. This class is basically why I came to law school, and I loved every second of it. Human Rights in the Global Economy was fascinating, but I've only taken one international law class before so I'll have a lot of catching up to do! I'm going to try to do summaries of my days like this when I can, which will hopefully contain fewer diatribes in the future. I don' really expect people to be that interested in my day-to-day schedule, but these snippets force me to reflect on my day and what I learned, which helps a ton.

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authorpocketcow · 5 years

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Pooh Characters as Queer Environmentalists

No seriously. I had a very vivid dream involving all the Winnie The Pooh characters as a group of enthusiastic (and queer) environmentalists who meet once a week to talk about environment things because they’re nerds.

Starring Christopher Robin, Pooh, Tigger, Rabbit, Kanga, Roo, Gopher, Eeyore, and Piglet.

· Christopher Robin

o 33 years old

o Head/leader/founder of the Environmentalist Group

o Really interested in saving the whales

o Chill dude, but kind of an airhead

o Everyone thinks he’s some kinda office worker

o One day someone accidentally found out that he’s the CEO of some green-planet organization and runs this group for fun to see what kinds of ideas he can get and to see what people think of environmentalist efforts

o He always credits people for their ideas, but people assumed that he just worked for the company, not that he ran the damned thing

o A pansexual icon

o Has been to every single pride event that their city has ever had

o Rumour has it he started the pride events

o Wilder rumour has it he threw the first stone at the Stonewall Riots

o Even wilder rumour has it that he’s an immortal vampire who survives on the blood of homophobes

o He won’t deny any of these rumours but has yet to confirm it

o Has a genderqueer partner that literally nobody has met

o Seriously, not even Pooh

· Pooh

o 29 years old

o Really wants to save the bees

o Like, REALLY wants to save the bees

o Vegetarian, but because he doesn’t like meat

o Massive sweet tooth; dentists hate him!

o Ace/Aro

o Loves children, wants to adopt his own someday

o Babysits Roo all the time

o Kanga and him are best friends

o He brings little sweets for Roo every meeting

o Perhaps a little bit of a pothead but he’s not addicted

o He just smokes a joint once in a while to chill out

o A stereotypical “make love not war” hippie

o Nice to everyone all the time

o Cries when someone is mean to him

o Gets uncomfortable when people hit on him

o Christopher’s little brother

o A visual artist; uses lots of colours and sells his art at galleries and markets

· Tigger

o 27 years old

o ADHD

o Like SUPER ADHD

o Gay

o Hit on Pooh once but when Pooh got uncomfy he backed off

o Thought maybe Pooh was uncomfortable with gays and was confused and sad

o When he found out Pooh was Ace/Aro he totally understood

o They’re good friends now

o Really wants to save rainforests and trees

o A freelance writer; his books are elementary school Magic Treehouse shit

o Very much into fantasy shit, his non-children’s series’ lore is always the deepest mindfuck ever, how the hell did he even come up with that

o Bestselling author tho

o Kinda famous tbh but he doesn’t like media attention

o He just thinks everybody should have fun all the time

o Does he vape? Probably. Has anyone ever actually seen him do it? No.

o Does he sleep? Probably. Has anyone ever actually seen him do it? Once.

o Kanga caught him powernapping when she came into one of the first meetings really early, but all she did was put a blanket on him and leave to go to the convenience store or something to stay out for a bit longer so he could rest

o He didn’t know who it was until a bit later he figures it was her since she’s always knitting and it was a very pretty knitted thing

o That’s his momma figure now

· Rabbit

o 25 years old

o Vegan and very in-your-face about it

o “Bugs are important to the ecosystem but boy do I hate them in my garden”

o Scifi enthusiast

o Post-apocalyptic things slightly terrify him because he believes that’s how the world is gonna go

o A bit of a conspiracy theorist

o Genuinely believes the government is vaguely spying on everybody

o Did Bush do 9/11? Who knows… but the moon landing was real, and the earth is round, don’t be dumb

o Just identifies as queer, doesn’t like labels

o A very organized person but when he’s very upset perfectionism scares him bc he thinks he’s not ever gonna be good enough and will mess things up on purpose

o Has a long-distance boyfriend

o A farmer

· Kanga

o 38 years old

o Divorced trans woman

o Has a 5 year old son that she fostered as a baby and adopted when he was 4

o Recycles aggressively

o Calls everyone “dear”

o Uses reusable bags and plastic containers all the time

o Knits a lot, everybody always gets scarves or mitts or hats for Christmas

o Usually in the design of ‘planet earth’, but also makes pride flag designs and takes requests for fave colour schemes

o Vegetarian but not aggressive ab it like Rabbit is

o You know what she is a bit aggressive about? Recycling

o If you throw something that’s recyclable in the garbage in front of her...

o Lord help you

o Last man who did that was never seen again

o Okay that’s a lie, he was seen two weeks later

o But he was advocating for a save the whales organization on the side of the road and wearing all thrift store clothing

o She traumatized him into throwing himself into the environmentalist pit headfirst

o Thinks Gopher is just a big softie; is the only one who is super nice to him all the time (besides her son, and Pooh who is nice to literally everyone)

o Kinda has a thing for the grumpy man but won’t admit it

o She’s like an accountant or something, nobody knows what she does for a living but she seems to be well-off

· Roo

o The adopted 5 year old son

o A little bit spoiled, but not just by Kanga, by everyone in the group

o Loves sitting in on the meetings

o His first sentence at 15 months was “recycle that!”

o Loves blue because of recycle bins

o Literally wears nothing but blue

o Will accept things that are less than 100% blue as long as its more than 50% blue

o Also likes things with pink on them

o Thinks Tigger is the coolest person ever

o Doesn’t understand all of Tigger’s books but reads them anyway

o Except the non-children’s ones of course

o Reads everything he can get his hands on

o Don’t let him get his hands on anything inappropriate for a 5 year old

o Asks a lot of questions

o Everyone adores him

o His mama is his favourite person on the planet but also Mr Tigger is so cool

o He likes Mr Gopher too, he thinks Mr Gopher is great because of “how happy Mama is when he’s around”

· Eeyore

o 23 years old

o Has depression

o Trans boy

o Just really wants friends

o Wants to help the planet

o Is a massive pessimist that thinks the world is doomed

o Very smart boy

o Talks about CO2 emissions and carbon taxes

o A university student studying some kinda chemical engineering

o Very quiet

o Bit of a crush on piglet tbh

o Has a big love for superheroes without powers because he loves the idea of things being solvable through hard work mixed with passion and technology

o Except he doesn’t believe it because his depression makes him super pessimistic

o Also a big tech nerd

· Gopher

o 45 years old

o Landlord of their meeting place

o Grumpy ass old man

o Sometimes people are grumpy right back to him and he’s ok with that

o Actually a soft spot for these weird hippies and joins them sometimes but says its because he wants to make sure they’re not damaging the place (they know that’s a big fat lie but won’t say anything)

o Will fight anyone who mocks them

o Has actually fought someone who mocked them

o Has not told them about said fight

o Especially adores Roo

o Thinks Kanga is a bit of an odd woman but also thinks she’s very pretty

o Repressed bisexual

o He thinks nobody knows he’s bi but eventually when he kinda mentions it he realizes everyone knows

o Specifically, Piglet and Kanga are super supportive

o He definitely actually has a crush on Kanga, who knitted him a bisexual flag scarf once

o He wears it all the time but will vehemently deny that it’s the same scarf when called on it

o Big brawny weirdo

o Was a football player in college and can definitely bench-press everyone

o Works construction now, which is why he’s still in good shape

o Actually a brilliant man, can architect and calculate like nobody’s business

o Will help Piglet with his mathematics homework in exchange for Piglet teaching him more things about the LGBT+ community

o After a while he realizes that perhaps genderfluid fits him well but Piglet is sworn to secrecy

o Has a daughter who is institutionalized for her mental health issues that grew beyond his care

o Piglet reminds him of his daughter and he’s very protective

o That’s why he legit fought that asshole who mocked the “little F****t hippies”

o He was almost arrested for assault on that one actually

o The cop was a buddy of his and 100% believed the “defense of those who can’t defend themselves” explanation that Gopher had

o Got off with a warning and fined for “disturbing the peace” or some mundane BS

· Piglet

o 21 years old

o Gay and demiboy

o Anxiety disorders through the roof

o OCD

o Recycling is a compulsion

o Reducing energy consumption too

o He checks his lights all the time

o He walks or bikes everywhere

o He says it’s to reduce CO2 emissions

o He’s just scared of vehicles

o Has some kinda PTSD but nobody knows the source

o He got into a massive car accident when he was little

o Because his father was angry and speeding

o His mother died in the accident

o But nobody knows this! Someday he will tell them tho

o Today is not that day

o Tomorrow is not that day either

o But someday

o Crush on Eeyore

o Also a university student

o Studying mathematics because it makes sense to him

o Gopher reminds him of his grumpy old gay uncle who died when he was in high school

o Feels like he can actually not double-check or cross-reference anything that Gopher teaches him because he trusts him a lot

o Still will sometimes check everything if he’s having a bad day

o Gopher doesn’t mind, he understands that Piglet has a lot of anxiety issues

o Has an exception in his uni file to be able to take twice as long on his exams and tests and get an extra few days for assignments because he checks every single answer 3 times

o His OCD number is 3, everything is 3, he turns his lights on and off 3 times, etc

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borrowedfeathers · 5 years

Text

Ten years ago today, on March 18, 2009, I was three days into an involuntary weeklong stay at the psych ward at Cayuga Medical Center in Ithaca, NY. I had been forcibly taken from the Cornell student health clinic after I admitted to a psychiatrist that I was so beset with horrific thoughts of killing people close to me that I thought the only solution was to kill myself, and instead of treating me for what was very obviously OCD, she thought I was a legitimate danger to myself and others and had me escorted into an ambulance while I begged her not to, screaming and crying. I felt immensely betrayed at the time and still am highly traumatized by hospitals.

Then why, you may ask, am I commemorating this particular day of such a horrible time in my life? Well, the day after I was hospitalized my mom flew out from Illinois to be my advocate, and in response to the doctors wanting to give me what would've been the wrong diagnoses for my condition, she mentioned that she'd had notions of my having (at the time) Asperger's but up until then had insufficient proof of going further with it. I was thoroughly unaware of this, and even her first mention to me of the idea catalyzed my brain with an energy it had never felt before. The doctors had me take the MMPI (Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory) diagnostic test, and after I had answered as candidly as possible, the results were in - I more than fit the criteria. While I did have to take it again in Illinois since the hospital lost my results, and thankfully the redo was no different in its results, so I didn't get my Official diagnosis (as well as that of OCD) until a few weeks later when I'd been put on leave, moved back with my parents and gotten a local therapist, I consider March 18 to be my autiversary since that was the day I first knew that I was autistic, that there was an actual reason why I was so "different" and ridiculed growing up, and as someone who had just only become an adult eight months prior my whole life finally made sense for the first time ever.

It's a little bit bittersweet looking back at my first decade of autism for a multitude of reasons - not just because of the awful circumstances that surrounded my diagnosis, but also because even at 28 I wrestle with a lot of the same social difficulties I did at 18 and that often makes me worry that I'm just going in circles when it comes to interacting with people. And ten years ago I had no way of knowing that by now I'd be dealing with a health problem that made the ones I had at the time look like chicken feed - and it's a particularly grim irony that in the psych ward, upon receiving my first MRI, I half-wished that my intrusive thoughts would all be due to a brain tumor that would be cut out and make them go away forever.

But would I prefer to still be in the dark about my neurotype, or worse, not be autistic at all? ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT. Autism has been one of the greatest sources of joy in my life, something that my knowledge of has made my twenties a vast improvement over my teens, and a means of meeting and connecting with some of the most important people in my life right now. My dear friend @metapianycist has credited me with helping them start their own autism journey, and since they're honestly twice the autism advocate I am it's an immense honor to have been able to play such a role. And based on the testimonies I've heard from people, they're not the only one who's considered the possibility of being autistic because of me, and that's literally all I want, to help questioning autistics discover and feel more comfortable with themselves, and come to autism in a less traumatic way than I did - it may have "all worked out okay" for me in the end in that regard but I didn't deserve any of that and neither does any other autistic who doesn't yet know they're autistic.

So cheers, autism. Here's to a decade and hopefully many, many more.

#inky pawprints #actuallyautistic #actuallyocd #4 #5 #murder #suicide #intrusive thoughts #hospitals #institutionalization

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summersmiledagain · 6 years

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Bandstand characters according to someone who hasn’t seen the actual show, but has memorized the soundtrack and scoured every form of social media for any and all scraps of information about it (aka yours truly)

Donny Novitski

-is ready to Rise

-hates Frank Sinatra

-insomniac

-cream riiIIISEeesss

-don’t mention grenades or rain around me or I will start sobbing

-needs a hug

Julia Trojan

-sings “proud and tall” minor when it should be major

-has the best costumes (and really pretty coats??)

-has a journal full of poems she’s written

-is an angel (seriously she’s so sweet I love her)

-plays ukulele

-needs a hug

Davy Zlatic

-uses Shakespeare quotes in everyday conversation

-protective of his friends

-calls Julia “my dear” and compliments her performance because he’s a SWEETHEART

-very excited about the large beds in their hotel in NYC

-jokester

-uses alcohol to cope with all he’s seen in the war

-needs a hug

Johnny Simpson

-adorable

-his jeep flipped 3 times (3 times, ya know)

-had 3 surgeries on his back, but still has chronic pain and takes medicine for it (but not until after the shows, because it slows him down)

-has trouble with his memory (and I think with focusing?) but that in no way makes him stupid (which, as someone with a mental disorder, I find so encouraging)

-grabs Julia and does a little dance with her after she sings “proud and tall” correctly in Breathe (literally THE CUTEST THING)

-is good at math

-”wait, I gotta transpose!” (I love this dork)

-doesn’t know what day of the week Sunday is (idk anything about this conversation I’ve just seen gifs of him asking Donny “what day of the week is Sunday?” and Donny just being like “it’s Sunday” and I think it’s hilarious)

-”there’s a fine line between jazz and bad”

-needs a hug

Jimmy Campbell

-The Band Mom

-law student

-tends to keep things bottled up and focuses on his studies instead of dealing with all he’s been through (someone please give this boy a hug)

-is basically the brains behind the band, the one who actually keeps them up and running

-almost gets run over by a cab

-as mentioned, he needs a hug

Wayne Wright

-sHe dOEsn’T rEmEMbeR thE bRidGE

-is trying so hard to be a good dad (you’re doing amazing sweetie)

-freaked out by fangirls

-constantly cleans things and keeps a tight schedule because of his OCD

-judging from the amount of posts I’ve seen about this, I’m not gonna be able to handle the look on his face during “faced with raising kids who did not recognize their dad” if when they finally release the pro shot digitally

-needs a hug (but only if he’s ok with it bc I know with his OCD he doesn’t always like being touched)

Nick Radel

-ok honestly I don’t know much about him other than he has anger issues and can be kind of a jerk sometimes

-but I understand that it’s because of what he went through in the war, so I don’t hate him or anything

-I do know he basically forces Wayne to stay with him instead of living in a hotel after Wayne’s wife kicked him out, which I think is really kind of him

-probably needs a hug but would probably hate one

June Adams

-The Paprika Incident

-hilarious

-that’s basically all I know about her but I love her

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ahkaraii · 6 years

Note

oh gosh i love your meta, now i have to ask your opinion about Kakashi, im fascinated by his trauma and how he dealt with it, which i think was a bad way, but still interesting. What do you think about him and his role? about his time as Hokage?

Okay, let me first start by saying: I love Kakashi. I love him a toooon, and I will happily draw a thousand comic strips with him as main character because I find him fascinating. But my love for him does not preclude the fact that Kakashi is not a “morally good” man, and probably would never become one unprompted.

First: he is a shinobi, and all that it entails - a professional killer, a man loyal to a fascist-like system, who will die to protect its ideals. He is a product of this system and will dutifully perpetuate it (unless someone he admires proposes a different solution, cough, Naruto, this is where you come in).

Second: his internal ‘moral code’ is incredibly inconsistent over his life because Kakashi doesn’t objectively know what is good or bad -- as a child he used to think his father was Good but then it turned out his dad was Bad, and that set the stage for his ongoing anxiety about not knowing what is Right or Wrong. (It also didn’t help that he was a child soldier at age five, dear lord). What Kakashi does know is what is valuable and valued in the shinobi system, and later, what was valuable and valued by important figures in his life that have died. Everything that falls outside of this is deemed “Trash” or simply “Unimportant”.

Third: Kakashi is a very psychologically fragile guy. He suffers from anxiety, depression, and depersonalization, to name a few symptoms. The resulting mess is what appears to be a schizoid personality with an underlying anxiety disorder that manifests through ritualistic OCD-like behavior.

Kakashi likes rules, he likes order, he likes knowing exactly what is going to happen. That’s why he reads the same silly novel a gazillion times, why he clings to a dead boy’s moral code -- the dead can’t change their minds and change the rules on him, and the novel’s ending is already written, it can’t be retconned on him. It gives him mental stability in a very inconsistent and threatening world that has pulled the rug on him too many times for him to ever be able to trust the solidity of the ground below him.

As an adolescent he had symptoms of anxiety-induced OCD -- cleaning his hands over and over comes to mind. He visits the graves of his dead for hours and hours without fail. He always wears his mask, come rain sleet or snow.

So it seems that in order to be sane he needs a schedule, he needs things to be the same or at least predictable. Missions are easy. What is the objective? How am I going to accomplish it? Mission complete. Come home. Rinse and repeat. He is at his most emotionally stable living a very predictable and ritualistic lifestyle. The rest is Trash and Unimportant.

This has remarkably translated to him being a very good shinobi, because the ideal shinobi is a kunai always ready to be drawn, that self-sharpens, that flies true and hits the mark you intended to hit. Kakashi can do that. He knows exactly what he needs to do to be just that, and that brings him peace. Perhaps not tranquillity, or happiness, but certainly a mental blankness that is absent of emotional pain, which is superior to what he feels when he’s not on a mission. His moral code before Obito is thus: the Shinobi Rules are Law, and following that strictly kept him content, because he knew that was Good.

Indeed, had Obito not died as he did, Kakashi would have placidly continued being a phenomenal rule-following shinobi. He would have made one HELL of a good ROOT agent, likely succeeded Danzo and carried on being the epitome of the darkness of a shinobi without batting an eyelid. Killing kids, burning people’s livelihoods, sabotaging peace efforts--all Good because I was ordered to and I Am Following The Rules and that is Good. But the fact of the matter is Obito DID die, and told Kakashi that the shinobi rules were Trash because Comrades Are More Important, which shattered Kakashi’s careful rules and order. So, to reduce the anxiety resulting from this loss of structure, Kakashi rearranged his moral code around Obito’s last words and carried on.

Then Obito turns out to be the bad guy. Whoops! A panel later, Kakashi now re-organizes himself to follow Naruto’s ideals instead.

What is consistent across all this? Kakashi, fundamentally, has no idea what is morally good or bad. He is full of anxiety and that anxiety is only relieved by following a set structure, a set of behaviours that can be operationally defined and followed to the letter, behaviors that produce a predictable result. If Kakashi arrives late, people will yell “you’re late!” If Kakashi pulls out his book in public, people will yell “what a weird pervert!” He assumes all these facades because they produce predictable results that comfort him in how predictable they are.

So -- all that psychological preamble aside, would Kakashi make a good Hokage?

From what I've seen (at a glance =_=) in Boruto, he is the one that helps Konoha transition from a technologically deficient village to a highly technological one. The reconstruction efforts are immense, and the city triples in size, but I don't see that many shinobi running around, so presumably the civilian:shinobi ratio has exponentially increased. Interesting to think about. I still don't know how their economy works, lmao, but whatever Kakashi did seemed to have worked and worked quite well. So that’s canon for you.

But, ignoring that sequel, because I really don't care to follow it or incorporate it into my personal headcanon, I think Kakashi would actually make for a pretty lousy Hokage, hahaha.

Kakashi is better suited to be what I’ve now taken to calling the “Shadow Hokage” -- the force behind the "Light" Hokage, as it were. Think about this: he could’ve made a phenomenal ROOT leader. In fact, he was an ANBU commander for quite a while, and he was universally acknowledged as being really good at it, both at completing missions and getting his comrades back alive. What an efficient ninja! His mission success rate combined with his minimal waste of human resources = A++ shinobi, sir!

Why not a “Light Hokage”? Well, beyond Kakashi’s “I never abandon my comrades” speech, he has very few words of wisdom to impart to impressionable youth. He can hardly communicate with fellow shinobi, how the heck do you expect him to communicate with civilians? With the daimyo? Oh, he can do it -- we saw with Yamato and Naruto and the Raikage that he is capable of bowing and talking formally, yadda yadda -- but that is not Kakashi’s strength. Why would you ever force this socially-impaired, languid-as-fuck schizoid disaster into a public, political position??? Dear lord.

He’s better suited to sticking to the shadows, imo. He can and has made the tough decisions, the cold, heartless, friend-killer decisions for the good of Konoha, even having Obito’s code eating away at him. But squatting with baby Academy students and accepting flower crowns a-la Hiruzen is just...not a thing I can see him doing for years and years with enough feeling to convince anyone he means it. He was -- quite objectively, I’d argue -- a spectacularly BAD jonin-sensei when it was just three little kids looking up to him. Imagine an entire village of children looking up to this guy, their new Cult Of Personality To Aspire To. Rip kids.

I’d much rather have Kakashi as someone below the Hokage, who takes orders from someone who wants to change the shinobi system. Have Kakashi take up the mantle of jonin-commander, if ROOT is no longer a thing. Use his keen intelligence to suggest strategies on how to allocate resources, which people to recruit and which to discard, where everyone’s skills are best suited for, what areas need improvement, etc.

Finally, please give him therapy dogs and an enthusiastic man in a wheelchair so he can ultimately retire in peace ;//u//;

#long post #naruto #kakashi #karaii's headcanons #kakashiobitos

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sinto-hell · 6 years

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on melancholy hill /

i’ve wanted to write marina and armin’s break up for a while now, because in my head they broke up once college started, but i didn’t know what the scene would be like. so to cope with... this. i wrote it. also i was listening to gorillaz, hence the title. dont ask.

“Hey Armin?”

“Hm?”

Armin was half asleep on his pillow, the laptop screen showing a half-lidded blue eye and messy black hair, when Marina finally gathered the courage in herself to talk about what she had on her mind. She still had a lot of work on talking about her feelings and emotions, but she was slowly and surely making progress.

“I’ve been thinking about something, lately and… I don’t want you to get upset, because…” Her voice got stuck in her throat. She couldn’t do this. Marina bit her lower lip, hard almost drawing blood. Like a comforting thing, her left hand went up to her eyebrow, pulling at the hair. Tears were threatening to spill.

“Hey, Mari…” Armin sat up, taking the laptop to properly show his face. “Mari what’s wrong?”

She didn’t speak. She regretted having even opened her mouth now, she should have just let him fall asleep and hung up after and…

“Mari...Your eyebrows,” Armin said, a soft smile on his face. With time, he had learned to deal with his girlfriend’s OCD. Marina, with all the strength she could gather in that moment, left her eyebrow alone and sat on both of her hands, to ensure she wouldn’t pull more.

“You have to tell me what’s wrong.” Armin was serious again. He looked so concerned, she wished she hadn’t said anything in the first place.

“I… I don’t want to lose you! But…”

“But?”

“I don’t… I don’t think I love you anymore.”

Contrary to what Marina expected, it wasn’t hurt or anger that appeared on Armin’s face, but surprise. Pure surprise, and also an hint of relief, for some reason she didn’t quite understand right now.

“But it’s not like… I mean… I just think we’d be so much better off as friends, you know? I love you with all my heart but there’s just… no romantic feelings anymore? I don’t know…” Marina struggled to get the words out, hiding behind her hands afterwards. She was crying now, she felt her cheeks wet and her throat tight. Armin probably hated her now, she was the one who broke his heart now… But when he spoke again, his voice was soft, almost understanding.

“Mari… Hey, shortie, look at me.”

Marina emerged from behind her hands, her face wet with tears and her eyes red. She was ready for him to be mad, but she was instead met with a warm smile.

“I’m not mad at you! I… actually wanted to talk about this for some time now, and…”

“And?”

“I feel the same as you. I think we’d be better off as friend. Close friends, but… Just friends.” Armin said, his smile never leaving his face. Marina laughed, still crying, a laugh of relief that she didn’t lose one of the most important person in her life because her feelings changed. And feelings do change, sometimes for the better. And they were both heading for the better with this decision.

“So, we’re broken up now?” Marina asked, smiling through her tears.

“Yeah, I think that’s it.”

“Wait, I’m gonna need a pint of ice cream”, she joked.

“And I’m gonna need to go fight someone, because that’s what men do when they get rejected!” Armin said, doing his best imitation of a “macho”.

They both laughed, the feeling of their friendship not being lost being the best one in the world at this very moment. In that moment, they were happy to trust each other and holding on to each other, even if it wasn’t as a couple anymore.

“Aaaah, I wish break ups were that simple for everyone”, Armin finally said when they stopped laughing.

“If only, I think we would have had way less trouble…” Marina added, knowing they were both thinking about two certain boys that, even after two years, still had things they needed to talk about.

She looked at him, really looked at him, as her friend; the blue of his eyes that was almost too blue to be real, the dark circles under them, the dimple in his left cheek, the way his nose was a bit crooked, how his smile only reached his eyes every so often, the mess of black hair sitting atop his head, which he desperately tried to tame once in a while. He gave up each time.

She loved him. Purely, truly, the way you love a friend so dear to your heart you feel as though they are a part of you. She didn’t ever want to lose the friend she had in Armin.

“Te quiero”, she said, quietly.

“Te quiero”, he answered, his smile never faltering.

“YOU WHAT?!”

Alexy’s scream didn’t impress Marina as she told him she and Armin had broke up when she went to grab lunch with him and Charlie, an old friend of the twins and Emmanuel. Charlie wasn’t in college at the moment, trying to start their tattoo artist career, but always like to drop by Marina’s college, as Emmanuel was also a student there.

“You broke up?! How? When? Why? Are we supposed to be like… Not friends anymore?

“Alex, calm down! I spent two hours on Skype with him yesterday, and it was mutual, so Armin and I are just friends now. We’re on perfectly good term, and yes, you’re still free to pester me.”

“Excuse me, I literally adopted you, you poor introverted thing.”

“So…” Charlie asked “You two are really back to ‘just friends’?”

“Yes...We agreed it would be better for both of us. And it was as simple as that.”

Charlie made a side eyes look to Alexy before returning to Marina, which didn’t go unnoticed by said Alexy.

“Well I certainly wish that all break ups were as simple as yours, honestly.”

“Charl’z, I’m feeling really called out right now and I don’t like this.”

“Well, I am calling you out Alex.”

Marina, who had been holding in her laugh, finally burst into giggling. She was still happy, in that instant, to have chosen friendship.

#my candy love #mcl #mclhappyending #mcl oc #mcl alexy #mcl armin #ocs #yes this is a happy ending for me lmao #i knew theyd break since last year #these two are still best fucking friends and tease each other about their crushed #**crushes #mcl marina #my writing

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teacherbam · 3 years

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Birthday blog

10 years ago, when I was 18, a third year college student, an extreme performer and perfectionist. 😂

You know how Facebook shows you your FB memories and you’ll be like... 🙄🙄🙄.

I might still want to be friends with my younger self if I could meet her at the moment but guess what? I’d be totally laughing at her for setting impossible standards, too high that her mental health is at stake. No wonder she was borderline OCD that time 😂

“BAHALA’G HAGGARD BASTA PERFECT ANG EXAM!”, that was her motto in life. The picture posted is even a proof of how I self-destruct in the name of perfection 😂

At 18, all I thought about was how I could excel in all areas of my life. I want to be A+ in everything. Hence, I unconsciously placed my self on a pedestal. I would submit requirements waaaay too early from the due date and go overboard. I was hated by some because of my ka-kugi. Now that I am 10 years older, I realize that I can’t blame them. 😂 I was toxic at some point. I mean there’s nothing wrong with being hardworking but if we start to shove our standards on other people’s throat, then that opens up a ton of problems. I didn’t know I was toxic by then. I think we all are unaware that we are toxic at some point of our lives because as humans, we all operate on our present level of understanding. And the mind loves what it understands and believes. King Solomon, the wisest man to have ever been alive said it right when he pointed out to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING” (Proverbs 3:5)

When I was 18, I thought I was reaching the highest form of self-understanding. Little did I know there were still a lot of things I need to learn, unlearn and re-learn.

I need to learn things like brokenness, grace and the subtle art of doing less to be more.

Just last year, a former classmate in college saw me and asked, “Asa na ka karon?” “Doctor of Education na ka?”

“I am just an ordinary civilian🤣”, I replied to his surprise.

I guess the 18 year old me wouldn’t be so much proud of her “after-ten-years” version. She would have looked at me with disappointment while my current self is just sitting around playing her favourite video game 😂 , because she was so obsessed with the idea that she has to move, work and be better each day to achieve that “more glorious” version of herself.

At some point, I have pondered, what does it really mean to be a better version of myself? Is it earning a 6-digit monthly salary? Gaining higher office positions? Acquiring fame, power and adoration?

I grew up with that kind of notion, and tbh, that still stinks (a little) in me, up to this moment. Though peace and contentment sounds really better at present. Guess I would really never know how time changes my thought processes. “ONLY TIME WILL TELL”, they said. Today, the 28 year old me laughs at the 18 year old me, but on the other hand, who would ever know that maybe, the 38 year old me will also laugh at the 28 year old me? Only God knows, that’s why it is very important not to lean in our current understanding, because the same beliefs we have at the moment, might be the same poison that would destroy us if we do not let it go and let God rule over our lives, our thinking, our plans — literally everything.

The best thing about God is that, even though you had it wrong, (just like the way I used to believe in wrong ideas before), He still honors your growth.

God could have just snapped and change my beliefs in just a sec, but He did not do it. I believe it’s because He loves to see us grow. He loves to meet us where we exactly are.

Apart from Him, I really don’t know where my beliefs would have taken me. I am 100% sure that I am 100% capable of destroying myself. I am just amazed by His love, grace and mercy, that He guided my growth. Not only He initiated it, but He directed all of it.

So thank you Jesus for loving me patiently at 18, for guiding me with grace up to 28, and for still directing me up to 10? 20? 60? years from now.

Yes, I remain confident of this — I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. So dear self, wait for the Lord. Be strong and take heart, and wait for the Lord. (Psalm 27:13-14)

And oh? My before-30-goals were not yet realized despite being just 2 years away from my self-imposed deadline. But guess what? God gave me so much better things than what I have written in my list. So yes, wait for the Lord. Just when you think you had it all figured out, He comes in your midst, turning tables around and the best thing is — YOU WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN.

God is GOOD! Glory to Him for 28 years. ALL IS GRACE!

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thejourneytofindingmyself · 4 years

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The story so far

After 10 years of struggling with my mental health and having multiple diagnosis' along the way including OCD, social anxiety, anorexia nervosa and depression, I now recognise that the underlying factor causing my struggles may be undiagnosed autism.

Throughout my life I have felt like everyone has been given a guide book to tell them how to be human, how to behave and how to interact. All of these things are confusing to me. A year or so ago I remember asking my partner and family why people feel the need to say morning and bye when they leave the office. Before this, people would say morning to me and bye and I wouldn't say anything because I did not understand the need to? If I'm there or going, why say it? Isn't it obvious? I have learnt now that this is "normal" so I do it. I struggle with conversations. When is it my turn to speak? What should I reply? Am I giving the right amount of eye contact? Do i need to reply to that? When I talk to people, I don't feel the need to look at them but I know this is something that should be done? When I look at people it makes me very uncomfortable and I feel like eyes give out a lot of emotion which can be difficult to take in. I go through stages where I use certain sentences such as "I'll let you off" or "oh dear" or "right" in conversations, they seem to be my go to words when I am unsure what to say. A lot of my conversations are scripted and I say the things that feel right for that conversation.

Sometimes people talk to me and I have no idea what they are saying or what they mean. I often have to get people to repeat themselves and really force myself to concentrate in order to understand. I recently went out on a saturday for the first time ever with work colleagues and was asking someone I work with what I should talk about in the car on the way. She explained that you cant really plan it, it just depends on the conversation. It seems these things come natural to other people but for me they need to be planned and I worry about them a lot. I much prefer texting or emailing someone rather than actually going to them and saying something face to face. Even if I'm in the same room I prefer to do it just to avoid the interaction.

I know that I often come across as uninterested. And a lot of my replies are mainly yeah, yeah, yeah. I also find that I regularly reply in sentences with that's nice or I don't care. If something doesn't interest me or doesn't affect me, I dont tend to be bothered about it.

I sometimes repeat what people say. Especially when with my partner Meg or people I am more comfortable around. This is because it sometimes helps me to process it and I just get the urge to repeat it. I often say phrases or songs relating to an object or what we are talking about for an example when moving the doorbell, "ding dong the Avon lady" 😂😂

A lot of the time people at work will say "I'm only joking!!!" And I don't realise. Sometimes the tone I use must be wrong or come across in a different way to what I mean. For example someone I work with saying I'm snapping and saying something like "give me my head back!!" But I do not mean for it to come across like that.

I hate training or team meetings etc. It is very overwhelming being with a lot of people. I could not participate in the activities in my recent training day. I just stayed sitting down when asked to get up and move around and talk to people. My manager has asked me regularly how these sitations make me feel as she can sense that I am uncomfortable however I haven't been able to find the words that's why I ended up writing all of my difficulties down to show her. Then during the day at training, I ended up leaving the room because things got too much. I often have to do this. Especially in busy places like restaurants. I also have to specifically pick the seat. "Dr Campbell says social masking requires considerable effort and this usually results in extreme exhaustion, necessitating periods of social isolation. "Some of my clients use the term 'peopling', so when they've been 'peopling' for a long time, that they would then like to have a period of not 'peopling'," she says."

At another training day a few months ago, I also really struggled with an introduction activity and found that I kept going to speak when the person delivering the training was still taking and I did not know at what point was my turn. I feel like maybe this was the trigger point of my recent low episode. I was really embarrassed and thought why cant I just be normal and know what to say and do. I never know whether people have just paused or finished talking? I also find it difficult when people don't say what they mean. I need people to be very direct with me. An example of this is a manager at work saying that she walks further to smoke, I asked if it's in case she gets wrong off the big boss and she said yes however I still stood in the same place to smoke and didn't realise till that night when discussing it with my partner that this might have been a hint. I feel I spend a lot of time going over conversations I have had with people and what was said. I also have found that people say to me a lot including my managers, what are you trying to say??? When I am trying to explain a situation.

Another example of difficulties with social situations is getting a takeaway. I forgot once that we needed to pay with cash and I just shut the door in his face whilst i went and got the money and didn't realise how inappropriate this was to not say two seconds. Another example, someone talking to me in the lift on holiday and I got out and didn't say bye? Only realised this wasn't normal when I told my partner. Another example when people want to small talk. There is just no need for this. I would prefer to sit in silence. When people say comments such as "watch the floor", I actually stood still at work recently when a cleaner said this and was going to watch the floor until I realised that they meant not to actually watch the floor. I find that I take things very literally. I remember as a child when an advert was on the telly and I literally thought nannas knit shreddies. Like why is banana bread called banana bread???? It isn't bread. As a child my mam took me to the doctors and I was diagnosed with OCD. I used to line up all my stuff on my dresser table and was very particular about things like needing my curtain tucked behind my radiator, needing all my teddies lined up in a certain way and needing my duvet tucked in a certain way. I needed to check windows were locked etc. Looking back, I also remember not playing with toys in a normal way. I used to like lining up my friends army men. I had bratz and polly pockets but didn't necessarily play with them. I would line them up and dress and undress them. I would love going round friends houses and cleaning their rooms/organising their stuff. Growing up I have really struggled with mental health and developed anorexia in school. In school, I struggled with relationships. I felt I had to fit in. I completely left my primary school friends and dressed and tried to be like the "popular" people. In primary school I regularly fell out with friends and moved from one "best friend" to another. I also struggled knowing how to maintain friendships and found I was very intense and all or nothing. Friendships are also always still only on my terms. I was invited out for dinner with the "popular" group in secondary but I never talked or joined in because I didn't know how. I went to Alton towers with one of the girls and she fell out with me after because we did not talk whilst we were there. I get very attached to people very quickly. Will say love you etc.. My reports started to decline in secondary school and I regularly got detentions and sent out of classrooms for attempting to be the class clown and fit in. Looking back I think this was copied behaviour. In school and college I also developed intense relationships with some teachers I felt I connected with. I would often leave class to seek out these teachers and spent a lot of time out of lessons in student support. In college and university, I refused to work with other people. I preferred it on my own. I would sit outside the classroom in college to do my work because I preferred it and found the class to loud. In university, I only really had one friend and again hated working with other people and group work. I much prefer to be able to do things my way and don't like sharing ideas or communicating. I have found that I got bullied in college a lot because of leaving lessons and people thinking I was a "snob" because I did not talk. I still find it difficult to be friends with people and find that I don't know the right way to be ? How often should I talk to them, should I send another message, do they not like me they haven't replied? It's all very confusing. I also find it difficult knowing what the boundaries are with my managers and how "cheeky" I can be??? I will also go through stages where I eat certain things repeatedly for a few weeks and then wont eat them again for a while. This was even more so the case when I was a teenager with anorexia.

A couple of years ago my 4 year old niece was diagnosed with autism. Last year I dealt with a case, a 16 year old girl who had autism but was not diagnosed until she was 17. I found a lot of similarities between myself and this girl and found I could really relate to her difficulties including self harm, depression and school issues. I also went to a training event around autism in girls and masking and found a lot of similarities. I am also now working with an 11 year old child who has not yet been diagnosed and find I can also relate and see a lot of similarities with what he says. For example issues with waiting. I hate waiting and get really really anxious. And issues with routine. I love routine and find it really difficult if my partner just says should we go out somewhere. I like things to be planned. He also paces around the room. I tend to do this if I am anxious or waiting.

I constantly bounce my leg and find that it is soothing. It helps to lower my anxiety. At home I also find that I will start doing things such as rocking without even noticing and moving my feet or toes. I also spend most of the time chewing my gums or lips and think this is an anxiety related thing.

I struggle with other day to day stuff. Like knowing left and right. Reading a 24 hour clock. Constantly losing things, even if I have just had them. Losing my phone, my keys. All the time. This really stresses me out. I will have it a minute ago and then just cant find it. A lot of the time when I am walking into a room with people in or feeling overwhelmed I will dig my nails in to my fingers or hand. Or in the shops.

Prior to taking antidepressants, I would really get angry and would do things such as hit myself and punch things if things were not right. For example my hair on a morning needs to feel perfect, or if I couldn't find a place to park my car. I still get really annoyed at the smallest things.

I also get really overwhelmed about things for example on a night knowing we have to have tea, clean the house, do the dishes, have a shower ect. This overwhelms me and I get angry about this at times. This leads to me snapping at people. I like a routine of having a bath by 6pm and having tea around 7.30pm.

Although I do struggle with things at work such as talking to people and knowing how to interact with colleagues etc, it doesn't affect my role. I feel as if my role is very structured and routined. I feel I do relate to "masking" at work and this is why I am often so exhausted when I get home.

I feel like it often takes me quite a while to respond to people because I need time for me to know what to reply. I only realise I don't reply straight away when people are waiting for an answer. I also don't often understand emotions. How I am feeling and how other people are feeling. I often have the view, shit happens. The child I spoke about earlier recently said to me "I didn't learn how to feel in primary". I got that. I struggle with these things to. I struggle to be empathetic and understand other people's views and emotions. My grandad died recently, while he was poorly I would say to people when they asked how he was "dying" people thought this was blunt and brutal but it was the truth. And after he died i would regularly come out with my grandads dead. I think this was my way of trying to process it.

I am also really blunt and straight to the point with people. For example "you can leave now". "Your pissing me off" I don't really think about how my comments might impact someone. I remember when I was around my childminders at about the age of 8 or 9 and i said to someone "are you not going home yet I'm sick of the sight of your face". I remember my childminder being absolutely gob smacked at this.

I really struggle with "fashion" and what goes together. I much prefer just feeling comfortable.

Sometimes when I get home from work I literally could just lie in darkness in bed and not talk for the rest of the night.

I often have to be told instructions multiple times and prefer things wrote down as this is easier for me to process and understand.

I regularly set alarms and write lists to plan the day.

I feel like through the years I have used things to cope with life such as anorexia and in turn has resulted in different diagnoses including OCD, anorexia, social anxiety and depression but I feel like there is still something underlying and something that makes me different. It is getting exhausting pretending to be "normal" all the time and not knowing why I am the way I am.

"It seems that other people's normality was the road to my insanity"

"Many of us do not realise how much of our true selves we have been masking until we feel utterly lost"

#autism #actuallyautistic #asd

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noah-andrews · 5 years

Text

What: Final Exam 2019 Who: @jacksonxschuester and @jamie-beiste When: 9.12.19 What: Using bondage, Jackson guides Jamie to ask for help and in the process finds his own way to take on the Dominant role

Jamie was a bit nervous about this. Not for the usual reasons though. It was natural to be nervous about exams of any kind, but there was so much more at stake here. Jackson's mental health and his success in the near and distant future at the institute. And for Jackson there was another layer that he didn't need to worry about. Headmaster Schuester was only an admired teacher for him, he was his friend's father. But if he took all of that he was sure to fail the other man. The night before, awake in bed, he'd started to formulate a way that Jackson could safely and confidently navigate the role of Dominant. He folded up his cane, took a few calming, centering breaths before knocking on his friend's door.

His anxiety was bad today. He had done everything he needed to do to try an control it; he'd taken his medication on time, and had spent the better part of his morning sketching to try and calm him mind. But some of his older anxiety driven habits had still surfaced. Things like locking, unlocking, and re-locking his door exactly three times last night, checking that his oven was turned off a grand total of five times this morning, counting toothbrush strokes and starting over when he lost track... all of them had helped to take his mind off what he was supposed to do that day, but when the knock at the door came, there was no more avoiding it. He took a deep breath, and went to the door. He checked through the peephole first, even though he knew who it was (but he had to make sure it wasn't Sue Sylvester waiting with a slushie again), and opened the door. "Hi. Come in." He said, moving aside and holding the door open for Jamie to enter. When his friend was inside he closed the door, and again he locked, unlocked, and re-locked it three times before testing to make sure it was actually locked.

Hearing the click, click, click of the lock gave Jamie quite a bit of information about what the state of Jackson's emotions were at so he saved him the added anxiety of having to answer the question 'How are you?' The boy probably got well, good and tired of being asked that question. He decided that perhaps a bit of 'topping from the bottom' was in order, if he could be excused being crude. "So, I was doing a bit of thinking last night." He knew the couch was off to his left and walked that way and sat down once he found it. "As much as I do naturally feel both submissive and Dominant, it was a journey for me to fully embody the role of submissive for my claim.... it's still a journey I am on. There are things that are particularly difficult for me. That led me to think about you and this final. Because you see... when I thought about needing help, I thought how fortunate I was that I had helpful friends like Jackson." He knew the other man might not be in a place where any kind of physical touching would be welcome so he simply patted the couch cushion to invite him to join him. "Can I explain how I think that might work in our benefit?" He hoped his voice conveyed the hope this idea brought him.

Jackson swallowed, listening to Jamie's words. He had to resist the urge to kneel in front of him (because in his current state all he wanted to do was let someone else take control.) and instead settled on sitting on the couch with Jamie. "Sure, yeah... I'm all ears." He said, happy for any sort of helpful advice.

Once he felt the dip of the cushion Jamie took a deep breath and sat up tall. He was dancing on a high wire here. Controlling and guiding like a Dominant while technically finding a way to be a submissive for Jackson. "There's no sense trying to kid ourselves that you're going to be able to magically fight all of your instincts and be a Dom. But what I think we can do is take what makes you a lovely submissive, your desire to be helpful and supportive, and turn it on it's head. After all isn't that what we're taught. That there isn't so much distance between the marks than some think." He stood up tall, trying to exude all of his confidence. "You can be supportive, my friend. You are one of the most helpful friends I have. There are some troubles I've been having and I know you can guide me toward solutions."

Jackson blinked, trying to make sense of Jamie's words. He didn't feel like he'd been that good of a friend, but it was nice to hear someone say such nice things about him. "How so?" He asked, still trying to figure out what Jamie was trying to get at.

Jamie smiled feeling like maybe his abundance of words which was normally a hinderance for communicating, might be working at calming, or maybe just distracting, Jackson. "So one of the biggest problems I have in my roll as a submissive is appearing weak. I know this comes from my fear of appearing weak because of my visual disability." This was not just some made up fact. He thinks this scene might just work because it is based in a truth. Not only his truth, but a truth he thinks Jackson might identify with. "What if we did a scene in which you guide me toward ways to ask for help, ask for guidance? I might be off base and tell me if I am, but I imagine you've had to develop ways of asking for help or accommodations for your OCD issues. You could teach me your strategies for that. Perhaps the scene can be some task or tasks you assign me that will by their nature require me to ask for help and I will have to do so in some ways you've taught me."

He considered the idea, and instantly ideas began to form in his head. It was true, he'd often had some troubles when it came to asking for help. As a young child he'd had to learn that throwing a tantrum wasn't going to fix the problem. When he'd started to learn that the problems he faced weren't problems for everyone he'd had to learn how to speak up when he was uncomfortable. To this day, he was still not great at asking for help when he needed it, but he did have some methods he used.... "Okay... Yeah, that actually makes a lot of sense." He said. "That's a good idea."

Jamie smiled. "Wonderful." He leaned in a little closer. "And do you know what I like he best about it? I honestly and truly need this help. I'm going to be learning things that will make my life better. Neither of us will even be thinking about a grade or our marks or anything from outside of ourselves. What I am gaining from your help is more important than any grade, I assure you." He smiled even brighter. "You know I think I'm actually looking forward to this more than any final or mid-term I've done so far." He hoped his excitement for learning would distract Jackson from he worries that were inherent in him taking the Dominant role. "I don't know if it will help you at all, but in this scenario I'm less concerned with the titles Dom and sub and more interested in teacher and student."

Jackson let out a breath, feeling a little relieved that Jamie had manged to come up with such a wonderful idea. "It's perfect... I'll do my absolute best to do good, I swear." He promised. "Should we get started? I have the camera set up already... Do you need anything before we start?"

"I know you will, dear. You'll be wonderful." He nodded. "Strike while the iron is hot, eh?" He thought for a moment. "No, perhaps it's best for me not to be overprepared. That's usually one of my defense mechanisms for avoiding asking for help."

Jackson stood up. "Yeah... I mean, once this is done, I'll be able to actually... relax, for a while, you know?" He said softly. He walked over to where he'd set up his camera on a tripod and turned the power on, and hit record. "Okay... so um..." He cleared his throat, not sure where to start. "Describe a situation to me in which you should have asked for helped, but didn't, and it went badly." He said, deciding it would be helpful to have a real world example of where Jamie's weaknesses were.

Jamie listened as Jackson moved around and when he heard the beep of the recorder knew they were starting. The question got them headed in the right direction straight away. "I had one quite recently Sir." He knew the title might throw Jackson off and he wished they'd discussed it before hand to prepare him. To compensate he didn't pause on it in the slightest and just kept speaking in his usual manner. "I was in class and there was an in class assignment in bondage. Well I understand the concepts well enough and at home with my own set up I would have been fine, but I had no idea where things were set on the table. It would have been easy enough to ask my partner or more importantly the teacher to talk me through everything's placement, but my pride... my fear kept me silent and as a result I as unable to complete the task in the allotted time. It was thoroughly embarrassing Sir." He could feel heat in his cheeks remembering it.

Jackson didn't flinch at the title. He'd known it would be coming and he'd made peace with that before Jamie had even arrived today. He listened attentively to the story, nodding along. "You were the one trying in that situation then?" He asked for clarification, an idea forming in his mind.

"Yes Sir. I like to think that I could be quite good at bondage, but it requires a certain amount of... of well stuff and.. in that situation I felt... less then. I just couldn't bring myself to ask for help. I didn't know how."

Jackson nodded, "Okay. Well then hang tight. I'm going to go and get my supplies, and when I get back, we're going to recreate that but this time you're going to ask for help when you need it." He said, before heading to his spare room. He retrieved his box of bondage supplies from the closet - most of them hadn't been touched since Steven - but he pushed that out of his mind and headed back into the main room. He began laying out various lengths of rope, along with safety shears. "Do you know how to tie a dragonfly harness?" He asked, choosing something he remembered learning in the beginner Bondage class.

Jackson was so eager and his voice held so much confidence that he would be able to do this and would be able to ask for help. That confidence made him believe it. "Yes Sir." He listened to Jackson moving away and then return. The dragonfly was one of the first 'higher order' forms they had learned in class. "Yes Sir." He nodded, running through the process in his head.

Jackson finished arranging everything on the coffee table and moved around it to kneel closer to Jamie. The first thing he did was take Jamie's hand, and gently guided it to where the safety shears were on the table. "This is the only thing I'm telling you in advance where it is." He said. "The safeword is red. But I'm pretty comfortable in bondage so I'm not anticipating that we'll need these." He added. "What was your time limit in class?" He asked.

Jamie nodded and let Jackson take his hand to show him where the safety shears were and he nodded seriously. With each action that Jack took in line with his own natural inclinations, like putting safety first and getting excited by bondage, made Jamie relax more and more into the role of submissive. He certainly didn't anticipate needing the safeword, but he nodded anyway so that Jackson would know that he'd heard it and would use it if necessary. "We had forty minutes Sir." It had been a very fair amount of time to be certain, except when you didn't know where anything was and refused to ask for help.(edited)

Jackson took out his phone and set a timer. "All right, you have forty minutes then." He said, setting the phone on the table. "And I want you to use the red rope." He added, as an extra test to see if Jamie would ask for help with the colour. He shifted so he could see the table, because once Jamie started tying the majority of his help would have to be verbal.

Jamie nodded and reached out to the table, faltering when he rules included a color. His hand hovered over the supplies moving from one thing to the other. There were different ropes of a couple of different thicknesses. He could find the thickness that would be appropriate for the task, but that only narrowed the choice down a fraction. The lengths couldn't be determined in this situation and then there was the matter of the color. He knew this whole thing was a scene, knew the point of it was to ask for help, but his pride held him back. What would Jackson think of him. "Sir.... I..." He breathed in and out. "I'm not sure how to proceed."

Jackson could tell this was difficult for Jamie, and he felt bad for being the one to impose such a difficult task on him. But, it was necessary, and he reminded himself that Jamie would learn from this experience. "So what should you do?" He prompted. He knew Jamie knew the answer, he was intelligent and they had just finished discussing the core theme of this exercise. Jamie knew, he was just nervous about doing it.

Of course he knew what he needed to do, but it was weirdly so difficult to just do it. But then the warmth, but firmness of Jackson's voice somehow cut through he noise in his brain. He nodded. "Sir, could you guide me to the red rope."

Jackson smiled when Jamie finally asked. "Of course. It's the third from the left." He said, knowing Jamie would likely prefer to find himself after being told the location than be guided to it like a child. After all, Jamie was proud of the level independence that he had, and Jackson truly admired it. But everyone needed help sometimes, not just the differently abled.

That was perfect, he relaxed as he counted in and took the rope in his hand. Then of course came the problem of how to proceed with the actual tying. Though this was made easier by Jackson being his friend. He reached out and touched the switch and gently moved his arms toward his back and began the ladder series of knots and loops that made up the bulk of the harness. "Is it too tight Sir?"

Jackson had tied many harnesses before, either in class or in practice, but he found himself wondering if he would be able to do it blindfolded. He didn't think so, and it was truly impressive that Jamie managed to tie without sight. He gently tested the tension in the ropes, "No, it's just right." He assured. He decided to throw another curveball at Jamie, for the sake of not wanting this to seem too easy for their exam. "There's some thin decorative cord that I want you to weave into the harness now." He said. "You should start threading it now so when you finish the harness it's secure."

"Oh. Oh yeah." That had not be expected and unbalanced him enough tot have him speaking more plainly than he usually did. "I can... ahh. Yeah I can do that." He stopped and let the end he was holding drop and sighed. That would make remembering where he'd left off in the pattern. "Sir, I think I'm going to need some help." He chewed is bottom lip as he found the rope ends and felt his previous work. "I know you can't see, but could you help me start the decorative part?" He reached over to the table and felt for the cord. Luckily he'd only brought out one thin piece which made that part simple and he smiled knowing that Jackson had set him up for success.(edited)

Jackson felt the rope slacken a bit when Jamie dropped it. "How would you like me to help?" He prompted, wanting Jamie to be specific with what he was asking for. It was a weird sensation, topping from the bottom like this, but somehow it worked. Jackson had always felt more confident with ropes around him, and instead of putting him into a submissive headspace this time, he was focused on teaching Jamie.

In this moment he wasn't exactly sure how Jackson could help him, and it was perfect. Instead of being focused on needing help, on being perceived as weak, he was focused on solving the problem. "Well.. I have the cord, but I don't see how I'll be able to hold in and the main harness rope. If I let it slacken, I'll lose my place. Could you perhaps hold them while I'm doing the cord?"

Jackson opened his hand so he was ready for the rope. "Of course I can." He said, and held the rope when Jamie placed it in his hands so the other boy could work with the embellishment cord.

From that point on the task became easier and Jamie fell into a pattern knowing he could absolutely depend on Jackson, his Dominant for this scene. When the cord was done he just had to finish the front of the harness. The rope looped around and back for the final knots with just enough to finish the job. He put his hands on his lap. "Are you alright?"

Jackson tested the tension of the harness again, smiling when he found it to be satisfactory. "I'm fine, Jamie." He assured. "You did good." His timer hadn't gone off yet so he knew they were well within the time limit.

He felt a flush of pride in being praised... in having done well. "We did it Sir. You did it. Thank you for... for guiding me the way you did. I understand now how much easier things can be when I ask for help." He was genuinely moved by the experience, much more than he ever expected.

Jackson smiled. "Of course, Jamie. I'm glad this was a good experience for you." He said, relieved that he had been able to get through this scene without a complete and total breakdown. He felt so much better now that it was over with. "I say we call it done now, hm? You can untie me now, and then we can just hang out for a while and catch up a little."

#jackson #jamie #finals #gleedsmfinal19

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sweetie-buttons · 5 years

Text

Fear Street commentary: How to Be a Vampire

Here’s what really killed Andrew: Emily thought she was perfect! She thought she was so good at softball. So smart. She thought she had a million friends. Plus she always bragged about her great taste in clothes. Personally, Andrew thought she looked like a moron, running around school in her little pleated skirts and stupid fake pearls. But here was the biggest joke of all—Emily thought she was gorgeous! Andrew knew he wasn’t great looking. He was skinny. His hair was somewhere between brown and red. His eyes were plain old brown. He had a million freckles. But so what? Big deal. At least his nose wasn’t stuck up in the air like Emily’s. This sounds suspiciously like someone trying to convince themselves they’re not jealous.

“It is too,” Emily said. “I read good books. I’ve read almost every book on Ms. Parma’s literature list in the library.” Don’t you just hate book snobs?

“I don’t remember seeing Vampire Secrets on Ms. Parma’s list,” Emily went on. “Or that thing you were reading last week.” “You mean The Mummies Are Coming?” Andrew asked. “That was totally awesome.” Sounds like rejected GB book titles.

Emily laughed. “Okay. Maybe you two are tied for weirdness. All you and T.J. ever talk about is monsters. No wonder neither of you has any other friends.” Lucy Dark should join those two.

“Oh, man!” he cried. “That was awesome, T.J.!” *insert Amazing Atheist joke*

“She kept making fun of one of his monster books, Alien Slime from Mars. Then one night he and T.J. arranged for her to see some slime for herself. Andrew giggled, thinking about how she stared in horror as green goo dripped down from her light fixture.” Was it made by a redheaded cat witch or mad scientist named Dr. Grey, by any chance?

“With a groan, Andrew made himself open his eyes. He needed more sleep. Much more sleep. He wished he hadn’t stayed up so late the night before, reading. He wished he could sink back onto his soft pillow again. And close his eyes . . .” Me every morning. Between this and the affinity for monster tales, our hero is basically me.

He could skip brushing his teeth for once. And washing his face. I agree, books are more important than hygiene.

HOW TO BE A VAMPIRE Roll credits!

“No!” Andrew’s voice hit a high note. “Nothing’s wrong! I can’t find my sneakers. That’s all.” Mrs. Griffin glanced at Andrew’s feet. “You’re wearing them, dear,” she pointed out. “Oh, right,” Andrew said. He pulled his head out from under his bed. “I mean, I couldn’t find them. And then I found them. Under my bed. There they were. So . . . I better tie them.” A+ lying skills

Andrew shut his eyes. He waited for T.J. to say the V word. *insert immature joke*

“What are you talking about?” T.J. asked him. “Um . . . you want the rest of this bagel?” What are friends for, if not to eat your food?

“But, Andrew,” T.J. said. “Think about it! You’re going to be around forever. Forever! And you’ll be able to fly. Every night you can go zipping around through the clouds!” I mean, there’s just the minor downsides of being destroyed by sunlight, allergic to garlic and addicted to blood. But apart from that, I don’t see the problem.

Andrew shrugged. “I’m starved,” he said. He didn’t waste any more time talking. He dug into that spaghetti. Mmmmm! The sauce was even better than it looked! He stuffed a whole meatball into his mouth. Are large appetites also a vampire trait?

“But ghosts have it easier. They don’t have to eat or drink or anything.” How is that easier? If you’re on a diet, maybe.

“We’re walking, Mr. Metz,” T.J. said. “Suit yourself.” The driver opened the door of the bus.” Are bus drivers allowed to do that?

“Vampires can’t cross running water,” T.J. went on. “It’s one of the rules. So the bus couldn’t go until Andrew got off.” It’s a good thing the bus could tell that one of the passengers inside it was slowly turning into a vampire and that vampire can’t cross running water, and was considerate enough to stop so Andrew could get out.

Now every dog began to bark at the top of its lungs. “Holy cow!” T.J. exclaimed.” No, those are dogs. Can’t you tell your animals apart?

“ ‘As a vampire-in-training,’ ” Andrew read, “ ‘you must obey the vampire rules. One. Avoid garlic. All parts of the plant will cause you to sicken and retreat.’ ” “Now it tells you,” T.J. commented.” To be fair, vampires being allergic to garlic is basically common knowledge about them.

In the basement, he found a battered cardboard refrigerator box. You mean the box the refrigerator comes in? At first I thought it meant a cardboard refrigerator, and I was about to question if those exist.

The dogs swarming around him? The cookie in his pocket. Except they attacked you after you offered them it.

But it was shaped like one—a coffin standing on end. So you’ll sleep vertically?

If a coffin cannot be found, any small, dark place will do. It could be his bedroom if it’s a small one and the lights are off.

“Talk with an accent,” he suggested. “Maybe he’ll think you’re a new student from some other country.” If he’s blind and deaf, maybe.

“Because then you can make me one!” T.J. explained. “It’ll be great! We can hang out together all night and play pranks! We’ll scare people out of their minds! And flying! Think about it, Andrew! Flying is going to be so cool!” There’s just the minor downsides of…wait, I said this already.

Maybe a snack would help. Milk and cookies. Hopefully vampires aren’t allergic to that.

An old cape of his mother’s. A long, black cape. Cool! Maybe she used to be a vampire.

“You figured that out all by yourself?” The vampire rolled his red eyes. I like him already.

“What are you, a genius?” The vampire shook his head. “Of course I left you the book. Of course I bit you.” He raised a fist and knocked on Andrew’s head. “Hello? Anybody in there?” I like to think this vampire’s had to coach so many children and put up with so much bullshit that he’s officially Done and now uses sarcasm as a defense mechanism.

“Count Humphrey Ved.” Alright. One. …That was lame.

“You’ll see. You will develop a taste for being a vampire!” He threw back his head and cackled at his own joke.”

“Your fangs will come, kid.” The vampire put an arm around Andrew’s shoulder. “Hey, maybe they’ll show up in time for Fangsgiving!” Again the vampire cackled at his own joke. Do all vampires have such a sense of humor?

“How could you do this to me?” Emily cried. “How am I supposed to explain this to my friends?” Her feelings matter more than his humanity. That’s siblings for you.

“Awesome!” T.J. exclaimed. “Totally awesome! You have to make me your first victim! Promise?” Does no one consider the downsides, minor as they are?

“Don’t do me any big favors,” Andrew said. “I’m not,” Emily said matter-of-factly. “It’s for me. You think I want to be known as the girl with the vampire brother?” Her reputation is worth more than his humanity. Again, classic siblings.

“Right.” Emily nodded. “Okay. I read about how vampires hate garlic and mustard seeds. How they hypnotize their victims. How, when they see lots of little things, they can’t resist counting them. How they get confused at a crossroads. How they don’t reflect in mirrors . . .” Due to some The Girl Who Cried Monster meta, I know they don’t show up in pictures and have OCD.

“You have to do three things,” T.J. told him. “You have to drive a stake through his heart. Then you have to cut off his head. And then you have to stuff his mouth with garlic.” Better safe than sorry, right?

“Wow! We should tune in to the weather channel,” Andrew told the vampire. “See what they make of all this. I bet it’s never snowed at this time of—” Reminds me of the unexpected snowfall in Life is Strange.

“I’m not sure,” Andrew said. “Could you go over the stalking part again?” I kind of wish he accidentally said staking because he was thinking of his plan to kill him and then quickly corrected himself.

“Stop!” the vampire cried. “I don’t care about your puny human activities! We have to get on with our hunt!” I bet hunting is a cakewalk compared to listening to the rambling of children.

“Loud and clear,” Andrew answered. “Oh, man! This kid is going to be so sorry he ever picked on me!” He was annoying in art class, so he deserves to get his blood drunk.

“You’re not getting the Dark Gift now,” the vampire said. “You’re getting death.” He smiled. “I’m going to kill you.” Anthony, this is your fault. You could’ve enjoyed being a vampire, but instead you had to try to kill your teacher instead of being grateful for his help. Sure, there’s the minor downsides of being destroyed by sunlight, allergic to garlic and addicted to blood, but that’s surely better than death.

“He can’t resist counting little things!” Does it have something to do with the “count” in his name?

“I made a mistake choosing you,” the vampire growled. “A bad mistake. But then, it’s the first mistake I’ve made in six hundred years. That’s not too bad. Still, it was a mistake.” I bet this is some kind of metaphor for your mom saying that about your birth.

“And one more thing!” he shouted. “Humphrey is a stupid name for a vampire!” He should’ve called him Humpty Dumpty to annoy him.

With a growl, Humphrey the vampire lunged across the room. It’s the first time he’s been called his name instead of “the vampire”.

The vampire shuddered. A thin wisp of smoke rose from the top of his head. A terrible scream escaped from his throat. Then his whole body vanished in a cloud of smoke. RIP Humphrey. Never will there be such a sassy vampire.

Sunlight. Why hadn’t he thought of that in the first place? It was much easier than staking the vampire. Much less messy too. And best of all—it worked. I feel like you’re forgetting something…

Andrew said, “Emily? Are you getting . . . bossy?” You act like it’s different for her, but you said it was regular behavior at the start.

T.J. frowned. “But, remember what my book said? Sunlight kills a vampire. But that’s all it does. It doesn’t remove the curse from the vampire’s victims. Only staking can do that.” I actually appreciate this twist. It isn’t shoehorned and addresses a plot hole. If it wasn’t there, it’s leave the reader noting that there was a specific way of killing the vampire that they didn’t execute. And at least you prevented Humphrey from turning more people.

#fear street #commentary #fear street commentary #ghosts of fear street

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ocdthemusical · 7 years

Text

Basic outline for the musical

Character List

Main characters

Protagonist

18 year old college freshman

Has struggled with anxiety and depression since middle school

Diagnosed with OCD towards the end of Act One

Wants to be independent but quickly realizes how dependent she is on her family (especially her mom)

Computer science major

Loves music and acting

Mom

Mother of Catherine

Supports Catherine but sometimes can be a bit overinvolved

Dad

Father of Catherine

Supports Catherine but focuses more on his ideas of what she should be like and what’s best for her rather than actually considering her opinions and emotions

Can get angry and be passive agressive (or just flat out aggressive)

School psychologist

A psychologist at the college

Provides well-meaning but ultimately shallow advice (eat healthy, exercise, don’t obsess over researching your condition, etc.)

Nurse practitioner

A nurse practitioner at the college who works mostly with depressed patients

Meets Catherine when things are going really bad

Full of empathy and tries to just listen without jumping in and interfering to provide her own solutions

Supporting characters (characters in brackets may or may not be included)

Students

Catherine’s classmates at college

Share in her frustration about stressful classes

Professors

Some are strict and sources of stress and/or confusion, some are positive presences

Older sister

College sophomore

Understands the struggles of college but underestimates the struggles of mental illness

Comforting presence and source of advice, even if she can’t always understand what it feels like

Psychologist at home

Psychologist who specializes in OCD

Patronizing, too focused on establishing a social relationship (in Catherine’s opinion anyway)

Often goes on tangents that seem irrelevant and a waste of time

Tries to help but ultimately his style doesn’t click with Catherine

Psychiatrist

Psychiatrist who prescribes medicine for Catherine

Overly concerned about her scab-picking, seeing it as a sign of a serious problem

Switches her medication because he thinks the old medication wasn’t working well enough

Respectful, formal attitude (more like a professional consultation or business transaction than a social meeting)

Asks her at literally every visit if she’s been having thoughts of death

[Younger sister]

High school sophomore

Has some executive functioning issues, more so than Catherine

Transgender, comes out and transitions around the same time Catherine is diagnosed

[Roommate]

Calm, comforting, supportive presence

[Friend at college]

Has ADHD and generalized anxiety

Understands the struggles of mental illness

Provides empathy and advice based on her own experiences

[Friend from high school]

Has OCD [and some other disorders I think but I don’t remember what I’d have to ask him]

Understanding and empathetic

Weird, sometimes morbid sense of humor

Gets along very well with Catherine

Has had bad experiences with school psychologists and IEP coordinators and as such is skeptical of them

[OCD personified]

A mixture of OCD, anxiety and depression (because it would probably be too difficult to separate them into 3 different people)

Shows the thoughts and emotions tied to OCD

*Note: Catherine will probably stick with that name, but idk about the other characters; I might change their name so as not to make it so obvious how they are related to actual people I know.

Song List

Act One

1. “I’m Fine” (Catherine, mom, dad) - song about leaving for college

Can’t wait to leave home and parents

Parents worried about anxiety and independence

Style:

Mix between upbeat and heartfelt

2. “Welcome to College” (Catherine, students) - introduction to college life

Introduction to college life

Style:

Upbeat, full of possibility

Similar to “One Short Day” from Wicked

3. “Class Begins” (Catherine, professors, students) - introduction to classes

Meet various professors (most importantly polisci/history class)

Introduction to stress and confusion

Style:

Fast-talking, challenging

Similar to “Blood in the Water” from Legally Blonde

4. “You’re an Interesting Case” (Catherine, psychologist) - visit to psychologist

Psychologist not sure what’s up

Interlude - participation grade meltdown (basically what happens here is the professor for the polisci class sends out this super passive aggressive reminding everyone how important the participation grade is, and the whole class (especially Catherine) freaks out, so bad that Catherine has a panic attack in class)

‘Oh by the way I can’t eat’ - Catherine remembers she forgot to mention how hard it is for her to eat (stressing about what to eat and how much, difficulty swallowing)

Basic advice “eat, sleep, exercise, relax” - becomes mantra

Style:

Medium tempo, switch between unnervingly pleasant (and overly simplistic) tone and frantically frustrated tone

Switch between simplistic harmony and complicated dissonance

Similar to “My Psychopharmacologist and I” from Next to Normal

5. “I’m Trying!” (Catherine, psychologist, mom, older sister) - trying to follow basic advice

Trying to follow basic advice

Drop out of some activities

Stressing about relaxing

Contrast with people who seem to know what they’re doing

Style:

Rapid, frustrating, almost manic

Mantra repeated with increasing frustration and mocking tone

More and more musical elements added, representing the increasing chaos and frustration

6. “Hey, Mom” (Catherine, mom) - spiral of despair

Series of complaints/rants to mom

Chooses self care over schoolwork

Then gets behind and switches into workaholic phase

Few breaks

End with cracked hands and thoughts of death

Style:

Messages/calls back and forth

Rapid, confusing

Lots of dissonance

Tempo and dissonance increase over time

Similar to “Sincerely, Me” from Dear Evan Hansen but more depressing and anxious

7. “Guess I’m Not Fine After All” (Catherine, mom, psychologist, nurse) - sent home

Talk with professionals, told to go home

Rapidly oscillate between panic “what if I die” and depression “this is the end”

Frustration

Style:

Rapid angst and dissonance vs slow depressing chords

8. “It’s a Treatment Not a Cure” (Catherine, mom, psychologist, nurse) - interim

Come back for interim

Spiral again

Uncomfortably close to suicide

Sent home for semester

Style:

Fast and frustrating, but also anxious and depressing

Beginning references “I’m Trying”

Similar format and music to “Hey, Mom”

References to “You’re an Interesting Case” scattered throughout

Ends with reprise of “Guess I’m Not Fine After All” [reprise may be separate or part of this song; I haven’t decided yet]

Act Two

1. “Stuck” (Catherine, mom, dad, older sister, younger sister) - beginning of time at home

Frustration at being home

Arguments with family

Having to deal with OCD

Possibly include OCD personified?

Style:

Obnoxiously repetitive

Theme and variations

Melody doesn’t match accompaniment, symbolizing desire to be independent

2. It’s Your OCD” (Catherine, mom, dad, home psychologist, psychiatrist) - arguments, stigma

Parents policing behavior in name of “I know what’s best for you”

Psychiatrist overly concerned

Psychologist unhelpful

Style:

Simple and repetitive

Accompaniment matches itself but not the melody (advice doesn’t match problem)

Tagging the people who said they were interested in helping: @appolloed @calebwmmicheals @gumisangeo @urrsari @burningroses95 @sandygraves

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