#this post makes no sense and could quite possibly be about nothing but my highly biased mind is seeing Something !

[bee-ina-boat]

hi friends :D! i FINALLY finished my concept art for mythos!Jon and im so happy with him- look at him. plese. i spent so long on this

the sketches were all of my initial concept art for him! he's. so fun to draw. even if it did take me a bit to figure out how to do so. i love his hair ;_; <3

overall his design is very inspired roman Catholicism but. like. more fun? idk lol i just vibe with it. might make the tie darker? and the gloves with his cassock might look good with another color? eh! whatev, i might change it i might not- but this is it so far :D!

for context the Magnus Mythos is an au where the fears are gods rather than paranormal entities like in canon- here is my initial post on that if you want to know more! or if you just want to see art of the Ceaseless watcher :3!!! im really so happy so many of y'all seemed to like it ;w; it makes me feel so warm aa ilu all <3

putting all Jon's lore stuff under the cut!!!

highly recommend you read the linked post because alot of this probably wont make much sense otherwise dsjgfdjgfdb-

so, as a young child Jon grew up neutral on religion. his grandmother didn't favor any one of the gods more than the other and that sort of thinking carried over to him for a good while

when Jon was 8, he had a close encounter with a creature born from the Web: a giant spider that would tell you your fate (and possibly offer you a gift) if you gave it a sacrifice

Jon had found an old fable book with a map to it's nest. of course he had no intention of following it, just enjoying the stories inside! but a thief snagged the book from him- and upon realizing what the book led too -took Jon with him as his sacrifice

when they reached the nest after a long journey, the thief presented Jon to the spider. but the spider did not take him, it took the thief- and the little Jon could only watch, frozen in terror, as his captor was eaten by the giant spider.

after it finished its meal, the spider told Jon that his fate was of a cosmic importance, "I'm quite excited to see how this plays out," it said.

naturally this was kinda traumatizing for the child that literally just wanted to read but ok :l

the whole experience brought jon a phobia of spiders, a distrust and fear of strangers, general paranoia, ptsd, and a rejection of the webs power and the concept of fate as a whole

now- its not uncommon for some people to reject the powers of certain gods? some things born from their power are quite unpleasant, so there are steps one may take to protect themselves from the powers of one or more of the gods. (its complicated to explain but i hope that makes sense-)

suffice to say jon does NOT want to be controlled or have his fate decided by anyone or anything like that! being THAT important is scary!!! so he tries very hard to prevent any powers of the web coming near him- and he also tries to keep a low profile so he can live a calm and peaceful life without. yknow. being an important part of the fate of the entire bloody world.

he turns to the cult of the Beholding for salvation. after all, its whole thing is being aware and knowing things, and jon wanted nothing more than to know what wanted to hurt him and what didn't.

moving to London, he joined the House of Magnus, and went from a devotee to a researcher.

he became friends with Tim: a man who turned to the beholding out of his own rejection for the Stranger, and Sasha: a young woman who'd worshipped the beholding and worked at the house of magnus her entire life.

things were great for a while, and then the head archivist, Gertrude Robinson, disappeared.

normally the previous archivist would choose someone to pass the position down to, but her disappearance meant that the current head of the church, Elias, would have to choose instead. and he gave the position to Jon

it was absurd! Jon didn't want the position of archivist- everyone knew about the prophecy and Jon certainly didn't want that much pressure on him!!

not to mention- it became pretty much expected that Sasha would become the next archivist! given her history of devotion, her skills, all the work she did for everyone, hell- Gertrude even mentored her for half her life for god's sake!

Elias's reasoning was that Gertrude had broken the Archivists oath: to always protect and preserve knowledge. he claimed that the Ceaseless Watcher itself had requested Jon rather than Sasha, as Gertrude's choices were not to be trusted. and it was not up for debate what their patron wanted...

so there was no choice. jon was terrified, sasha was devastated, and tim was furious for them both.

the ceremony went on, jon was given the Watchers Crown (the sacred headpiece of the archivist) and then he went down to the archives with tim and sasha as his chosen assistants.

Elias sent down another down with them- Martin, a librarian who devoted himself to both the eye and the web. Jon was not so keen to be trusting a devotee of the web, especially with all the stress going through his head at the moment- so he wasn't very warm to martin.

as the archivist- jon does his best to do the work he was given, frequently requesting help and teachings from sasha as she clearly knew more about this than him. all throughout, he squished any spider he found. and stubbornly refused to give in to any possible notion of him being the one from the prophecy. he couldnt be. he refused it.

but the will of one man is far outweighed by that of a god, and at some point he just might have to accept the responsibility he deep down knows is his...

AAAAAAAAAAA THAT WAS ALOT- if you read this entire fucking essay then just know i love you so so so much and i am hugging you tightly ;_;

thanks for dealing with another round of my brainrot!! im thinking of working on sasha, martin, or the web's design next :3

#my art #myart #religious themes #religion tw #tma #magnus archives #the magnus archives #magpod #tma fears #the fear entities #tma au #the magnus mythos #the archivist #jonathan sims #tma jon #jon sims #jarchivist #digital art #long post

[creative-classpect]

The Land of Pyres and Platinum

Smoke covers the sky, blotting out the now dim light of Skaia. Great pyres, formed from shining platinum, covered in ash and soot, litter the world and its wastes. A veritable desert stretches to the horizon and meaning dunes shift and flow with the wind. 

Adventure awaits in LOPAP, the Land of Pyres and Platinum.

LOPAP is an enigmatic world, surrounded by mysteries, both above the desert and buried well below it. The ever shifting nature of the dunes makes mapping it quite difficult, as true landmarks are far and few between. Crumbling archways, monuments, and ancient cities are marked by all manner of strange hieroglyphics, a long lost consort language. While these ruins offer some insight and a sense of familiarity, nothing is as all encompassing and ever present as the platinum pyres.

The only structures freely standing, these pyres stand anywhere from only a few feet to towering, nearly 100 feet tall. They appear to be marked in the same hieroglyphics as the other ruins. These pyres have long since sacrificed and burned whatever they were intended for, and their purpose remains unknown. There is seemingly a correlation between the size of the pyre and the importance of the thing lost there, though evidence is often sporadic. The few pieces of treasure one may be able to find is unfathomably and ludicrously valuable.

This is all to say nothing of the world lost below. 

Down, below the pyres, in the desert of sand and soot, lies a vast tunnel network that crisscrosses and snakes its way across the land. The great burning that ushered in the end of this world produced a truly unfathomable amount of smoke and ash, and with the erosion of the land to time, everything left of the world before now lies deep below, having long since sunk into the earth.

If the mystery of lost secrets and treasure to the ages was not strange enough, there is something very peculiar about the pyres. Still radiating with heat after all this time. This world has burned everything it had to burn, leaving it in ruins. And yet, the pyres hunger for more. They have not been satisfied. 

What could they possibly ask for? And what might they do if fulfilled, if that is even possible? Ashes to ashes and dust to dust, as the saying goes… 

The Page of Doom must uncover the lost history and riches of the land, digging deep for the buried treasures of the past, and quelling the all consuming pyres, one way or another.

Denizen: Perses, the Greek titan of destruction and father of the goddess of magic, Hecate.

Features

The Locked Tomb

In this large world positively pouring with mysteries begging to be uncovered, there is only one place that is actually secure. A tomb, some mile or so underground, decorated with glistening platinum, beautifully preserved for centuries.

In all the ruins scattered across the worlds, there are no dungeons, no grand traps, merely a civilization lost to time. Sure, there are traps here and there and dangers are plenty, but they pale in comparison to one, single tomb, sealed away with incredible levels of security.

The Ziggurat

At the center of the world is a ziggurat, tall and imposing. Surrounding it are the largest platinum pyres on the planet, marking it as an incredibly important sight, a place of high honor.

As one might initially expect. In truth, it is the most dangerous place on the entire planet, if not the very session itself. Should the language and messages of the world be deciphered, 

“This place is not a place of honor... no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here... nothing valued is here.“

- - -

This post was commissioned by @apogender ! If you want to commission me or support my content, you can find me @ https://ko-fi.com/kesscal or over at https://linktr.ee/Skywhale09 !

#homestuck #classpect #land analysis #homestuck land #page of doom

[valkyrieandstrangeridingaragorn]

Let’s pretend for a moment that Wanda’s antis are right and she actually did sign up for Strucker’s experiments knowing full well that he was Hydra. Would that make her and Pietro irredeemable? I mean, they didn’t exactly join Hydra’s ranks; they volunteered to be lab rats. There’s kind of a difference.

I suppose if this were true then the question would become “for what purpose did they volunteer?” I could see it being spun similarly to the five Winter Soldiers from Civil War who volunteered to be more efficient agents, but I don’t think something like that would be in character for either twin.

I think there would be at least a small gray area if they knowingly used Hydra to get powers and then planned to either abandon or straight-up destroy them. But then again, if you think the “if you work with Nazis then you are by definition a Nazi yourself” mindset should be applied in that situation, then I could understand that too.

Obviously this is a moot point since the only account of their recruitment shows otherwise and from what I know nothing contradicts it, but I just want to look at the worst possible scenario.

I'd say intention matters the most. If they knew they were Hydra and they only joined them with the intention of using them to get powers so they could then betray them and go straight to the US to kill the Avengers... it's still messed up but I wouldn't call it "joining Hydra". That'd be more like "using them".

Now, assuming that was the case and they had always known, but their plan was to leave and not stop/kill them, I would have an issue with that. These people were killing Sokovians right, front and centre in their experiments and it would be out of character for the twins to not care about that. In fact, judging by their immediate rejection of Ultron once Wanda sees the many deaths he intends on causing, it wouldn't make much sense that they'd be selective when it comes to saving lives: if we don't count Johannesburg, they never attack citizens, quite the contrary. Their battle is with the Avengers, no one else. And Wanda isn't exactly a fan of killing people either, we can see that in Lagos when she basically leaves it to Sam to be more forceful while she just uses her magic to stop them (never kill them).

My point is... using Hydra like that doesn't make you a nazi but the problem is you're there with them while they're doing unspeakable things to other people. And if you do nothing to stop them and you just focus on yourself and what you can get out of them... then yeah, that's despicable. I wouldn't expect the twins to stand up against them immediately post-experiment (we can only imagine the mental state they were in at the time), but once they had full control of their powers and they were alert enough... not doing anything to destroy that base and just running away is messed up, no doubt about it.

However like you say, this is speculation and it's still up for interpretation as I don't think canon stated at any point that they knew for sure they were volunteering for Hydra. The prelude comics make it clear the twins didn't know they were Hydra, and these bunch of nazis weren't exactly advertising themselves (much less in a country that had been invaded by American troops, it would have been pretty stupid to do so), so how were the twins supposed to know? Also, I highly doubt they met Strucker right away, the scientists conducting the experiments as seen in WandaVision were two nameless goons accustomed to seeing volunteers die at the first contact with the Mind Stone.

Assuming lab rats would be informed of everything Hydra did or didn't do is plain dumb. So Agent Brexit had no way of knowing Zola was Hydra but the twins are supposed to know everything that happened in that base? That's hilarious.

#wanda maximoff #pro wanda maximoff

[missmeganlee]

YR Enneagram Compatibility: August and Felice

If you don’t know what Enneagram is here’s an article that explains it better than I could, but it’s basically another personality test. This is the article I used for this post.

And here is the master-list for all of my previous enneagram analysis posts for the characters in Young Royals

Type 3 (August) and Type 9 (Felice)

What Each Type Brings to the Relationship

This is a fairly common pairing. Nines bring enormous support, encouragement, and a sense of pride in the Three's accomplishments. Threes can feel that with the Nine behind them, they are able to be themselves, explore their potential, and become the best mate, friend, or professional that they can be. Threes can help Nines to properly value themselves, to have more self-respect, and to invest in their own development. Nines can help Threes relax and find enjoyment in simple things—Nines give them permission to not drive themselves so much. Both types also want to avoid conflicts and to put a positive spin on things—Nines are genuinely optimistic and look on the bright side, while Threes focus on being positive and hopeful, and are careful to not let people see them being down or depressed. Both types are sociable, idealistic, caring for children, animals, and the underdog. Both are usually hard working and want to achieve a degree of material success that will enable them to take care of others in a kind of extended family where everyone would be safe, comfortable, and thriving. They both want a pleasant, aesthetically pleasing home.

To this mix, Threes bring energy, personal ambition, flexibility, the ability to set and achieve long term goals, and efficiency. Threes energize Nines and bring change and excitement to the relationship. Nines bring a feeling of safety and steadiness, the assurance that the Three is loved for themselves and not just for their achievements, and the feeling of not being judged or evaluated at every moment. Threes feel that they can let down their hair and really be themselves with Nines who accept them just as they are. The sensuality of the Nine and the attractiveness of the Three can meet in a couple highly attracted to each other and attached by physical passion. In other Three-and-Nine couples, the need for comfort and security may be the main source of attachment and the pleasure they get from each other.

Potential Trouble Spots or Issues

The Three/Nine couple can almost be a case of "too much of a good thing." Because both types are attracted to keeping the positive values in their lives alive—and there can be so much attachment to comfort and stability in their world—that it becomes difficult to question the status quo and the routines that they get into. Neither wants to bring up conflicts that they have with the other. Nines are more likely not to want to talk about whatever is bothering them for fear of further endangering the relationship. But Threes also do not want to express their complaints because doing so will risk rejection and may also expose the fragility or even the falseness of their relationship. Nines feel that it is better not to say anything and to let things work out on their own, if that is at all possible. If Threes are heavily invested in having a "perfect marriage" to the outside world, it will be difficult to talk about their unhappiness in the relationship or the frustrations they are feeling.

Often the relationship will continue for a while as if nothing is wrong-even if it is essentially over. Eventually, however, Threes begin to feel unseen and unappreciated, and that the Nine is not really there for them—not really present to the relationship. The Nine may be an excellent provider in a material sense, but under stress, may begin to become emotionally absent. Feeling abandoned or rejected usually makes Threes become depressed, although often they do not realize this since they can get quite out of touch with their emotions. Threes can feel that Nines are stifling them, whereas Nines can feel that Threes are too demanding and are "spoiled." Sometimes a crisis, an affair, or some other major life challenge brings the deterioration of the relationship into awareness. They may go through cycles of breaking up and getting back together, although if the underlying problems are not resolved, the real feelings and frustrations continue and will eventually undermine the relationship.

#young royals #august young royals #felice young royals #enneagram #young royals analysis

[spearsanddragonscales]

Trailblazer Theory!

Note: This was originally posted here (on Hoyolab) by me. But since I caved and made a honkai sideblog I wanted to bring it here to tumblr bc... why not?

I'll probably eventually touch this up with new information but you know. This is the original form and I want to preserve that.

So this is a slightly unhinged theory with minimal support at this moment but I DID want to get it out into text, speak it into the universe so to say, because if I'm right I'll be very curious to see How Right in the future when I no longer really remember what I was thinking and may have thus been influenced by others or the later story. I may not be the only person thinking it but I genuinely haven't seen mentions of it anywhere else and came to it independently.

Also there are possibly some spoilers for those who haven't finished the main story (up to the alchemy delve in the Luofu at least). You've been warned.

That preface out of the way, to put it simply, I think the Trailblazer might be an Aeon. Or like could be in the future if they aren't technically now. My (current) stance is that we are some sort of reincarnation of Akivili. (My partner has a separate thought that we could be a "child" of destruction following the thought train of the Vidyadhara. Which, given we bear a striking resemblance to Nanook I could see!)

This thought came to be somewhere in the middle of Jarilo VI while I was taking a break to play in the simulated universe. A simulation in which we pretend to be Akivili, and at one point Herta says that none of the other testers had gotten a reaction from the aeons - but we did. And it could be something to do with the stellaron, but it could also be because we are not what everyone thinks we are. I swear it is mentioned at one point that some of the aeons were believed to be human once but man I cannot find the source for that so I could be going crazy.

Anyway I really think there's something there, about being set down with no history, no roots, and immediately being released on a path among the stars, with the aeon of destruction giving us their nod in the first moments - and then we also get Preservation's nod a bit later whereas everyone else, of course, only follows one path. This flexibility, the ability to adapt and change in a situation (to me) embodies the concept of being prepared to bravely forge into unknown waters - at least as well as the limited concept of "paths" in a video game would allow.

We are quite literally following Akivili's path, the star rail, - and no we aren't alone, we have March and Dan Heng and Himeko and Welt beside us - but it's still... interesting, to me. There's also the highly amusing bit where Asta asks (jokingly) if our hand is blessed by an aeon because we fixed a curio by tapping on it a few times. I don't consider that to be "support" by any means but it is the kind of foreshadowing that feels very plausible to stick in this early in a story if that was the route they were going.

Further interesting but maybe grasping at straws points are:

We were set loose onto this path as planned by Elio, Destiny's slave. Aeons tread a path dictated by their "path" and are unable to see beyond it / act outside of it. And... neither can we, really. Sure, we have the component of "making decisions" but the path is laid out for us such that we're playing right into Elio's hand - for better or for worse.

Kafka explicitly says something about Elio seeing the future, but that he can't make our choices for us. and "Use that will of yours to reach the end of your story." I find this and the trailblazer's repeated idle chatter of "Reach the end of the story in your own way" really fascinating and I just want to hold space for that. Our story, and our way, seems to be by forging paths and bonds among the stars.

If we were once something like an aeon it would make sense for us to remember basically nothing because the aeons are relatively narrow in scope and we need to be broader to function as a person. ... Also reincarnations (or some kind of replacement) wouldn't have the memory of someone/thing that died. We clearly had some existence before being put into this body (or being woken up with the stellaron? whichever it was) because Kafka wonders what we'll remember.

The biggest hole that I have is why would we be placed on a path to become another aeon by a stellaron hunter but I feel like we just don't know enough info about them for a lot of speculation beyond what Kafka shares during the divination / questioning. Which is... that in the future, worst case or best case, we will have to fight Destruction to save the world, etc.

I'm not expecting any support or anything but I would be curious to hear thoughts if anyone has them ^^; this may see some expansion as I have more time to stew on this.

#hsr #honkai: star rail #honkai star rail #trailblazer #hsr trailblazer

[fangirlsblogtolife]

Edith

WARNING: SPOILERS

Hello everyone!!

Im back with new analysis. As you know and read, Edith just finished up. I’m very happy and sad at the same time. Edith was a very personal WEBTOON for me to read. I really connected with her character. I’ve been reading Edith since it debuted on WEBTOON.

At first glance I really did think that Edith was a romance WEBTOON but it’s really not. Yes, the story does include her navigating her relationship with Phillip, but I always read this story more from a young girl in her early 20s. Edith struggled with her own insecurities and independence as a person. I saw pieces of me in her. When we first met Edith her life was a bit rocky and she was insecure in her abilities as an author. Her relationship with Phillip didn’t start as a healthy one and she really didn’t think highly of herself at all. So as the story progresses you see her get out of her shell more and become less selfish.

She took more time to figure herself out as the story progresses. What really struck me was when she broke up with Phillip. She was very mature in the way she did it. Instead of yelling at him and asking him in rude tone why he lied about Taylor, she made her decision to not make a big deal of it. She took him for herself to reflect and chose to break things off with him not just from the lie he told her. Edith and Phillip were already rocky when he talked to her about moving to LA with him. Me personally, I would have done the same thing. If I had a boyfriend who wanted me to move with him to a completely different city where I have no friends and away from my job. Granted her job could be remote, but still. All her friends live in the same city she already lives in. She has a great apartment and is doing great for herself. I understand relationships come with sacrifice, but what if Phillip hadn’t continued being an actor. What if he went back to modeling? There was nothing set in stone job wise for Phillip. Plus him lying and saying to her over the phone that he doesn’t know who Taylor is. He could easily lie to her about anything else that could have happened in LA. Long distance relationships are hard enough, but there needs to be a sense of trust there for any relationship. He violated that trust. I thought Edith had a lot of courage to break up with him. It takes guts to break off a relationship. It’s not easy.

Reading that Edith got her hair cut after the break up was refreshing. I really liked that she didn’t jump into a relationship with Mitch and gave herself time to grief over her relationship with Phillip. I was even more proud of her for holding her boundaries clearly with Mitch and Phillip at the end of the story. Edith really grew into herself and I’m glad the author didn’t stick her with Jack or try to put her with another famous person. It was really nice that Mitch was just a hairdresser. Sure he worked with Town and helped them with models hair, but it was refreshing to see him being an average joe. Let me know what you guy think of the ending with Edith. It was the best possible ending and seeing Mags and Chris getting married at the end was the icing on the cake. They’re relationship took some hits throughout the story and I’m really glad. This webtoon is the most realistic and closest to what happens in real life. I liked that everything was raw and real. Thank you swansgarden for creating something so raw and real. I truly treasure Edith as a character. Edith is a huge part of me and she reminds me of myself in my early twenties.

Side note: did anyone else notice that she quit smoking as she was getting rid of her “bad habits”?

Hey everyone, apologies for the long hiatus. I’ve been very busy with life and will be posting more actively.

#edith #webtoon original #swansgarden

[bastardnev]

hi its 12:39AM and im thinking abt how before nev + mustafa’s 205 match mustafa yells “WHAT’S MY NAME?” and nev just kinda brushes him off but when they meet again on the post-wm33 raw a few weeks later nev mutters “mustafa ali...?” when mustafa interrupts his promo

#this post makes no sense and could quite possibly be about nothing but my highly biased mind is seeing Something ! #its like. nev thought nothing of him before ! thought he was just another Pretender ! #but moose impressed him in a way ! even tho he lost ! #and nev seems to have developed a kind of respect for him ! #granted hes still scowling and doesnt look too pleased but like. its better than it was before ! #yes im reaching let me live ! #mustafa x neville

[andejoe]

Ulen walked through the dark corridor of the research outpost. He quite enjoyed being a night guard. Everything was calm and quiet, much less stressful than his last post as a guard aboard a ship.

Ulen had just walked past the labs, which were shut down for the night, when he paused. Something didn’t feel right. He stepped backwards and looked for the stimuli that caught his attention. He could finally smell it. Something was on fire.

Ulen scrambled for the keys to unlock the lab, but the door swung open at his touch. He would have to be grateful later, because right now the outpost was in danger.

Ulen followed the scent to the lab lit in blue. Ulen saw two intruders in the lab, one holding a plasma blade, one desperately trying to find something to put out the copper fire.

Ulen moved quickly, first pulling the fire alert, and then throwing open the safety supply closet, grabbing the thickly woven fire suppressor, and throwing it over the fire. He was relieved to see the light dying immediately, smothered beneath the heavy sheet.

With the major threat gone, he turned to the two intruders, who’d both calmed down significantly.

“What do you two think you’re doing? Shut that off!” Ulen snapped.

The being holding the plasma blade nodded. “Oh, right.” They fumbled with the controls before getting it to power down.

Ulen ripped into the two trespassers for their many transgressions. He didn’t allow them to come up with any excuses as he took the two of them out of the lab.

Cambret, the head guard, came rushing up.

“Ulen! I heard the fire-“ Cambret cut herself off as her tired eyes recognized the two newest additions to the research team. “Oh. Of course it’s you two.”

“Hey Cammie,” intruder one said.

“Is the fire out?” Cambret asked.

“Yes,” Ulen answered.

“What did you do?” Cambret asked.

The two intruders mumbled something incoherent.

“Louder,” Cambret commanded.

Intruder two sighed. “We built a lightsaber.”

Ulen stopped to consider what this meant. The intruders knew Cambret, and she knew them. It’s possible they’re new to the research team, but the term light saber was unfamiliar to him.

“Ulen, meet Doreen and Cade, our two new researchers. You’ll have to forgive their antics, it seems ingrained in human dna to be destructive,” Cambret spoke with a mother like tone, insisting upon the two humans to be ashamed of their actions.

Ulen glanced down at the two intruders, and released them like he would a venomous eklip. He nearly jumped away from them.

“Humans? Why was I not warned that two humans were coming?” Ulen asked, trying not to look as scared as he felt.

“An oversight I assure you.” Cambret turned her attention back to the pair. “You both know that a lightsaber is on the list of banned inventions. Why would you make one in my laboratory?”

Cade and Doreen shared a look. Ulen swore he could sense conversation, but heard nothing. It unnerved him.

“Look, we grew up on Star Wars. It was a lifelong dream to be a Jedi. Of course humans before us created lightsabers as soon as they could, and almost immediately after that got them banned,” Cade started.

Doreen spoke up. “Honest, we weren’t gonna have a duel or anything. And we know all attempts to become Jedi or anything ‘more than human’ are outlawed. We just wanted to hold the lightsaber, to see what it feels like.”

Cade took his turn to speak again, starting as soon as Doreen ended. “I swear the fire was an accident. We would never do anything to put the lab at risk. Not even for a lightsaber.”

Doreen nodded in silent agreement.

Cambret sighed. “You’re both confined to your rooms until I can talk with Shhyll in the morning. Then we will decide what your punishment will be. Now go.”

Both humans walked off, talking excitedly about their brief connection with the highly illegal and dangerous device. Cambret turned to Ulen.

“I’ll need you to write up a report of everything that happened, but I doubt they’ll get any serious punishment,” Cambret told him.

Ulen was shocked, unable to find his voice as he tried to speak.

Cambret held up a hand, as if knowing what he was trying to say.

“I know, what they did was stupidly dangerous. But fact is, they are human and in a new environment. Humans have a tendency to push boundaries until they find the lines they can’t cross. Most officials give humans a grace period to settle down, and it is their first day.” Cambret looked back down the now empty hall where the pair had gone. “Still, I have to wonder how they made such a weapon when our lab doesn’t have near the proper materials or equipment to make one. They are quite an impressive duo, as siblings often are.”

Ulen found his voice, but it didn’t sound like his. “You got bonded hatchmates?” He tried to adjust his voice to not squeak so badly. “That’s terrible! You didn’t even get a mated pair? Mated pairs are by far the safest option!”

“It’ll be alright Ulen. We will survive. Those two will settle into their place,” Cambret assured him.

Ulen glanced down the hall, not in awe like his supervisor, but disquieted.

“I will write my report. And if they do something like that again on my shift, I will be writing my transfer request,” Ulen stated.

Cambret sighed. “Very well. I do hope you come to see that their benefits far outweigh any danger they may cause, but I will not stop you from going where you feel comfortable.”

Ulen nodded. “It’s my first time meeting humans. I didn’t have any on the ship I was assigned. I will also give a grace period to see if we are compatible, but I am vacillated on the situation.”

“Can you show me this lightsaber?” Cambret asked.

Ulen silently signaled his compliance and led Cambret into the lab. He would feel better knowing the fire was out anyway.

#humans are space australians #humans are space orcs #humans are weird #humans are deathworlders #humans are dumb #humans are space fae #Doreen #Cade #possible part one

[yamanorakuen]

Okay but what if the characters met someone special to Mc who’s now dead?

Like the opposite that would be angsty but so cool!

Feel free to ignore this ask lol

Obey Me! Brothers meeting MC's desceased loved one

Thanks for the request! Sorry this took quite a long time, I've had a busy week and I wrote a little bit every day instead of binge-writing the whole post in one to three parts like usually.

That's a really sweet idea! I tried to come up with many different relations to MC so they all can't be accurate to everyone's experience; and I do assign some sort of personality to each desceased loved one that might differ from your experience and reality; but I hope as many people as possible can find at least one that makes sense or hits home in one way or another. I also hope these don't come across as offensive in any way, that is not my intention.

TW: Mentions of deaths and causes of deaths (illness, car accident, suicide, second-degree murder, old age). It's quite a dark topic but not very descriptive.

[Side character's vers.] HERE

Lucifer had thought about your family more times than he'd like to admit.

He holds his brothers dear to him and is sure you have someone out there that you care about deeply that shares blood with you.

However, he never asks, letting you speak to him if you so wish.

But you never talk about your family.

So one day his curiosity gets the best of him and he goes through your file again in hopes of finding crumbs of information on your family.

He finds absolutely nothing.

But it all changes one day when Diavolo summons him to the castle.

There he found a ghostly woman, screaming at Lord Diavolo and Barbatos, her face red with anger.

"Why have you demons kidnapped my niece/nephew?! Return them back to the human world this instant!" The lady yelled, stomping their feet. Lucifer couldn't help but sigh.

"Ma'am, take a deep breath. We assure that your niece/nephew has been and will continue to be safe with us." Barbatos tried to explain calmly but the lady was having none of it.

"You're demons! How could I take your word for it?!" She continued to yell obscenities. Lucifer noticed a frown of Diavolo's face so her just had to intervene.

"Excuse me, ma'am. My name is Lucifer Morninstar and your niece/nephew lives under my roof-" Lucifer didn't even get to finish his introduction before the woman started to target him.

"They live with YOU?! Lucifer Morningstar himself?! Oh Lord have mercy on my sweet baby.." She started to make the cross sign, shaking her head.

"Why yes, MC lives with Lucifer and his six little brothers, under their protection. I can assure you that they are highly competent to take care of them." Diavolo smiled politely to the woman.

"They. Live. With. Seven. Demons?!" It almost looked like the woman would have a heart attack any second now, "You wretched demons have seduced my sweet darling and tricked them to make pacts with you that doom them forever! How I wish I could've protected them better.." She found the closest chair and just crumpled, sitting down while holding her head in her hands.

"How did you learn all of this? Better yet, how did you find us?" Lucifer finally asked after a brief silence.

"I knew MC had been chosen as an exchange student in some faraway land.. I didn't know it would be another realm altogether," the woman sighed, "Not until I died. I passed away and didn't even get to say my goodbyes to them! Things back in the human world are chaotic right now, a virus is going around, claiming lives of many.. I'm honestly happy they're not there right now."

"Did that virus kill you?" Lucifer questioned and the woman nodded as an answer.

"And I was offered a chance to check up on my loved ones, so of course I had to pick my sweet MC.. And to my horror, I ended up here, IN HELL of all possible places. I've always been a good person, as has my niece/nephew, we don't belong here!" it was as if your aunt was trying to prove something with their words.

"So you wanted to say your goodbyes to MC and was surprised when you found yourself in here, yes?" Barbatos peeped in.

"Yes. I can see everything now I used to be blind to. It's truly odd," she smiled sadly, seemingly calming down and her previous fury having been converted to wistfulness, "Would you please let me see them? For one last time? So I can tell them not to look for me when they go back home.. They're going to go home, right?" The woman questioned with tears in her eyes.

The Fantastic Three exchanged meaningful glances. At the beginning of the exchange program they had told the exchange students they were not allowed to bring any family or friends to Devildom but this situation was different. First off, you hadn't asked your aunt to visit. Second off, she had just died. Thirdly, you had the right to know if something like that had happened in your private life.

Diavolo's and Barbatos were looking at Lucifer expectently, letting him to make the final call whether he'd let this woman under his roof to see you.

Lucifer on the other hand was staring at the woman, a battle inside his mind. At the same time, this woman had been incredibly rude and mean towards their whole race but on the other hand, that anger had came out of fear and confusion of the new place and their new state as recently desceased. All the information you must receive upon death must be overwhelming.

"Yes, you may. But only briefly." Lucifer finally gave in. He saw a lot of you in your aunt, so naturally he was partial in some way. And he wanted you to have that special chance to meet your aunt for the last time.

Your aunt's eyes lit up at Lucifer's answer, a wide smile appearing on their mouth. She dried her eyes and got up quickly, straightening her clothes.

"Show me the way! I want to see them!" she demanded, a pep in her step as she already started to make her way out of the room.

Lucifer shot an exasperated look to Lord Diavolo and Barbatos before following her out, taking her to the House of Lamentation.

Lucifer let you two speak in private, making sure no one was going to intervene as you exchanged your teary goodbyes. And when your aunt was finally gone, Lucifer made sure to lessen some of your school work and pampered you with some small gifts as his way to show support through grief. He might have not gotten along with your aunt that well but he saw how the news had taken its toll on you.

You were visiting the human world alongside with Mammon, letting him meet your family for the first time. To your surprise, no big scandal had yet taken place.

You introduced him as Marcus though as you did not want to disclose your boyfriend's demonic identity to everyone quite yet.

You were gathered at a family meeting at your aunt's house. Almost all of the extended family from that side of the family was present.

Mammon, being the avatar of greed, decided to take a sneaky look around for any valuables he could swipe. He had promised you not to, but he's instincts were just overpowering him!

He walked around the house, taking looks at the room, silent as a mouse.

Then he finally saw it.. In one of the bedrooms, there was a cupboard full of medals and trophies of some sort. Mammon walked closer, seeing they were from a variety of sports - mostly baseball, but also track and football.

'Maybe no one notices if I take one or two...' Mammon thought to himself before opening the cupboard door, reaching for one of the medals...

"Stop right there. Those are mine." he suddenly heard a voice behind that made him jump.

At the door stood a boy, around your age, crossing his arms with a scowl on his face. Mammon quickly shut the cupboard door and tried to come up with a believable lie.

"I was just taking a look, ya hear!" he explained himself, trying to keep his cool, "Who are you, dude? I don't think we've been introduced yet.." Mammon spoke as he walked closer.

"I'm MC's cousin. You must be Marcus, right?" the boy nodded, not moving from his place at the doorway.

"I'm Mam- Yeah, Marcus!" Mammon nodded furiously, remembering their secret plan to keep Mammon's demonic identity secret from MC's family, "I can see the similarities," Mammon grinned as he put his hand around your shoulder. Only his hand phased through the boy, "W-What?!" he screamed, looking between his hand and the boy.

"Why do you think you haven't been introduced to me yet," the boy shook his head and walked up to his nightstand, taking a picture and showing it to Mammon. It was from his funeral, "I died at a car crash some years ago." he told Mammon with a sad smile.

Mammon's mouth hang open after hearing that, too flabbergasted to say anything at all first. MC had never mentioned their deceased cousin to him before.. Had they? Mammon racked his brain, thinking back to all the times MC had told him about their family but couldn't recall this one.

"Oh, um.. So what's up, bro?" Mammon turned his frown upside down with a grin, wanting to ease the tensions in the air.

"Not much is going on once your dead," your cousin rolled his eyes, "Other than my cousin's boyfriend breaking into my old room, lookin for stuff to sell, it seems.."

"Eh, let bygones be bygones! I barely even remember doing that!" Mammon shook the comment off, shrugging.

"Whatever.. I won't be doing much with my trophies anyway.." the ghost sighed and picked up another framed photo. It depicted you and your cousins as children. The ghost of your cousin looked down at the picture, smile filled with nostalgia.

"Is that MC?" Mammon looked over his shoulder and pointed at the little kid in the photo that resembled you the most. The young man nodded.

"Yeah, that's them. We were always real close growing up. Like Bonnie and Clyde or Jekyll and Hyde," he chuckled, "They were really excited for me when I got my drivers liscence. They brought me a keychain for my car keys and we celebrated together. The night before I died.. They called me and we talked about future and such. I wanted to be a professional athlete and MC always believed in my dreams.. And the next day.. All of those dreams were snuffed out, just like my life."

Mammon could sense the pain and bitterness behind his words and didn't dare to stop him, just looking at the photo with intent.

You looked so happy and young in the photo.. So did your cousin who was now dead. He was once again reminded by your mortality and short life span and it felt like a punch in the gut.

"Why are you here, then?" Mammon asked the boy who finally put the photo down, turning to face Mammon.

"Can't I be a little protective over my darling cousin, hm?" the boy mused with a smile, "I know you're the same. You're looking after them too, right? You want to protect them, even if sometimes it feels like it's the other way around. They have that effect on the people around them."

Mammon's cheeks flushed as he looked down at his feet, "Y-yeah.." he muttered, scratching the back of his head absentmindedly.

"I don't really have much other purpose. I guess I just wanted to be introduced to you like the rest of the family.." the boy shrugged, "Mammon."

"Huh?! Whatcha call me?" Mammon's eyes shot back up at the words. Had he let his real identity slip? Mammon's comedic reaction caused your cousin to laugh.

"I'm dead. We know way more than the living. You might fool my mother and my father, but not me," he snickered, "I know you're a demon.. But I really don't mind. At least you're bound to my cousin.. And you'll stay with them until they're old and gray."

Mammon was silent, both from being flustered and from thinking. 'Maybe he's right..' he thought silently.

"Oh, but could you give this back to them?" the cousin suddenly exclaimed and handed a keychain to Mammon, "They bought this to me as a gift, remember? I want them to have it back. They have more use to it than I do anyway. Don't you think about selling it!" he made Mammon swear on MC's name that he'd give the keychain to them and not sell it for profit. Mammon didn't think he could break a promise sworn on MC's name.

"Just tell them you found it while exploring. Don't mention me." the ghost of MC's cousin spoke before walking off without another word, leaving Mammon alone in the room. A moment passed in silence where Mammon was inspecting the keychain.

"Marcus! Where did you wander off to?" He suddenly heard you calling for him, knocked out of his trance. He pocketed the keychain before walking out of the room to see you and press a kiss to your temple.

Leviathan was visiting the local Game Stop all alone, which was rare to him, but you had asked him to pick up a physical copy of a certain game you wanted and he just couldn't say no to you.

He was looking around the area where the game was supposed to be, but found nothing. Maybe it had been sold out..?

That's what he thought but just as he was about to text you about the sad news and whether you wanted him to pick up another game, someone poked his back.

He turned around and saw a girl, perhaps a tear or two younger than you, standing behind him, holding a copy of that game you wanted.

Leviathan's eyes widened and he didn't know what to say; that girl had the last copy of the game you so wanted, but his anxiety went through the roof when he thought that he had to confront the girl.

Luckily for him, the girl spoke up first; "This is the game MC wants, right? Here." she offered the game towards Leviathan with a small smile.

It took a moment for Leviathan to compute what the girl had said even though his hands reached out for the game automatically, "Wait, how did you know? How do you know MC?" he finally questioned, squinting.

"I'm MC's friend! And they always loved to play games like these.. I was picking it up for them, but then I remembered, well.." the girl trailed off, his smile turning upside down.

"Remembered what?" Leviathan was utterly confused.

"They can't see me anymore," the girl sighed, shoulders slumped, "I'm around them all the time, but they just can't see or hear me. None of you usually can."

"What are you talking about?" Leviathan pressed further, his head swimming with the possibilities. This sounded like straight out of some anime!

"I'm a ghost," the girl sighed with longing in her eyes, "I took my own life, I just couldn't take it anymore. But I felt bad leaving my best friend behind, so.. I kinda got to hang around. I'm with her often, daily, but she just can't sense me.."

"W-W-Wait, you're a ghost?!" Leviathan yelled, not believing his ears, "Then, why can I see you now if we don't normally see you?"

"Perhaps it's because we have a common goal," the girl shrugged, "we both want to make MC happy, right?" she grinned at Leviathan, her smile bright like sunrise.

They both fell silent for a moment after that, Leviathan trying to catch up with all the sudden infromation that had been dumped onto him, your friend trying to find a way to convay her feelings and thoughts in an effecive way before Levi leaves.

"Hey, Leviathan.. Can I ask you for a small favor?" your friend asked, her voice small. Leviathan turned his gaze at her again.

"What do you want?" he asked, unsure.

"Can you tell MC... That it's not their fault I did what I did. I know they tried their all to help me... And I'm grateful for their friendship. Tell them that I'm always watching out for them and that I feel better now than before. That I'm okay. That's all." the girl laughed, tears in her eyes as she looked at Leviathan with hope. Those eyes had seen so much despair in their lives.. Yet now, they were shining with hope.

Leviathan was silent for a moment before nodding, "I know how much friends mean.. I mean, MC is like Henry to me- I guess you don't know about TSL, but calling someone your Henry is like calling them your soulmate in a way! I guess MC was kinda like Henry to you too, right? So of course I'll keep this promise! I swear on my love of anime!" he rambled, unable to stop himself from talking until he heard the girl giggle.

"I'm glad," she kept giggling, "I was about to tell you that if you ever break MC's heart, I'll haunt you but- I don't think I have to worry about that!"

Leviathan didn't know whether to feel offended or complimented by that comment.

"Well.. I gotta go. I feel tired.. But I'll be around. I'll always be around, okay?" the girl smiled before slowly fading away..

Leviathan stood there for a moment, head reeling, before taking the game and walking up to the counters to pay for it. He was already thinking how to bring up this meeting with you without making you feel weird or overly upset.

You and Satan had found abandoned young kittens from the side of the road one day while walking home from school.

Obviously you couldn't leave them to fend to themselves so Satan wrapped them up in his jacket and you two carried them back to his room in secret. You knew Lucifer wouldn't let you keep the kittens had he learnt about their existance.

After that day you started to raise the kittens together

You had started to call Satan the kittens' daddy, because it was both cute and funny. Satan didn't find it all to funny, but couldn't complain when he saw the look on your face when you called him by that name.

One day you had asked him, "Does it bother you that I call you their dad? You know, with the whole business with you and Lucifer and all.." you looked into Satan's eyes seriously.

"Not really, at least not anymore," Satan shrugged nonchalantly, "but don't call Lucifer my dad." he sighed, shaking his head.

"Oh, yeah! Sorry, my bad!" you chuckled apologetically but fell quiet soon afterwards. Satan started to realize there might have been something more behind your question.

"I'm sorry if I'm disrespecting your privacy but.. I don't remember you talking about your father before. What is he like?" Satan inquired curiously yet carefully.

"My dad.." you trailed off, a gentle smile appearing on your lips, "he was a funny guy. He never missed a school event. He was very protective of me." you laughed at the memory but fell silent and serious again right afterward.

"You said 'was'.. Do you mean he's-" Satan began but you cut him off.

"Yes. My dad is dead. He succumbed to cancer five years ago." you sighed and Satan saw tears forming in your eyes.

Satan took your hand into his and soothingly massaged your palms, telling you to take deep breaths.

After you had calmed down and fallen asleep in Satan's bed, he decided to find out more about your father.

So what's a better idea than some good old fashioned ✨ necromancy ✨ ?

He literally summoned your father with a purpose. He just wanted to meet the man.

He just watched as your father's spirit emerged from the ground, eyes closed, with a knowing smile on his face.

"Hello. You're MC's father, I presume?" Satan greeted the man, eyeing him with curiousity. You had similar smiles.

The man opened his eyes with a calm demeanor, "Yes, you got the right person. Why have you summoned me?" he asked Satan.

"I just wanted to meet my father-in-law. I got curious after hearing MC talk about you." Satan admitted, his keen eyes studying the man in front of him, noticing every similar trait you might have in common.

"We were always close, yes. My passing was hard on them," the man nodded with a solemn expression, "How has my baby been?"

Satan tells about what you've been up to; getting chosen for the exchange programs and all of your fun adventures, albeit leaving out the parts where you got almost killed like.. Ten different times.

Your father listened with a content smile on his lips, not interrupting Satan even once.

"Satan.." your father spoke up after Satan had finished talking, "I think you should write their story down. Write everything down exactly like it happened so that when it's MC's time.. You still have something left of them. You'll always have a piece of them by that." he smiled gently.

Satan froze, deep in thought; he knew human lives were not as long as demon lives and he would most likely outlive you, but he hadn't wanted to think about it all that much. Thinking of your passing was way too painful for him.

But the man's words were correct, too. There was one thing scarier than losing you and that was to forget about you; your face, your voice, your name, your story. And if anyone should write your story down, it should be him, right?

Maybe that book could even be used as some sort of grimoire to summon your soul if all other ways to keep you with them would fail..

"Do you have anything you'd like to say to MC? I can write it down." Satan requested and after a brief silence, the man nodded. Satan took out some paper and a pen.

"MC, I'm very proud of how far you've come. You've found your own way in the world even when I haven't been by your side physically. You'll always be my baby, and I'm forever thankful for the day you entered the world. Your dad loves you. Always." the man spoke with sincerity, his eyes slightly tearing up.

Satan wrote every single word down diligently, wondering what it felt like to have such a good relationship with your father.

He felt kinda envious of you in a way. Obviously he felt bad that you had lost someone so close to you but the jealousy stemmed from his strained relationship with Lucifer.

However, he still sealed the paper in an envelope and vowed to give it to you when the time was right.

After that Satan let your father go, stopping the communication. Necromancy is not something he had done often so he felt strained and tired.

He hid the letter in a safe keeping before clambering into his bed, pulling your sleeping body close, cuddling against you, taking in your scent with a peaceful smile.

Asmodeus had decided to take you on a grand, romantic date, pampering you and being as touchy with you as he possibly could in a public place.

Honestly, the date was going perfectly in Asmodeus' mind. He felt so good and solid in his position that he failed to notice that you seemed to be a bit... Off.

You had to bring it up yourself, "Asmo.. Can I confide in you for a second?" you mumbled, your voice slightly wobbly.

"Of course, doll! What is it?" Asmodeus questioned, realizing the tone in your voice to be serious. He wanted to wipe that frown off of your face and see you smile again.

"Today is a.. Difficult day for me.." you trailed off, deep in your thoughts. Asmodeus wrapped an arm around your shoulder, holding you close.

"How come?" Asmodeus inquired with a low voice.

"Today, two years ago.. My partner passed away." you finally told him and Asmodeus could just feel his heart sinking. So many pieces started to click in his head; why you kept your distance to Asmodeus when you first arrived to Devildom, why you were hesitant to date him at first, why have you been slow to give him physical intimacy.. It all made sense now.

"I'm so sorry, love.." Asmodeus sighed and planted a kiss on top of your head, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"They.. were beaten up so bad in a fight.. That they went into a coma and never woke up.. They just slipped away.." you explained as tears start to stream down your face. Asmodeus just held your hand over the table, leaning in to wipe away your tears, but they just kept coming, "I'm sorry.. I need to go use the bathroom.." you excused yourself, not wanting to embarrass you or him further.

Not long after you left, someone approached Asmodeus' table, sitting down without even asking for a permission.

"Sorry, this table is taken. I'm just waiting for my darling to come back from the bathroom!" Asmodeus quickly exclaimed but the person just kept staring at him with a serious expression, silent.

"Did you hear me? You can't keep sitting there.." Asmodeus sighed, not used to being ignored like that.

"You love MC, right?" the person asked suddenly, leaving Asmo speechless, "You're not just playing with their heart, right?"

"Of course I love MC! They're the most wonderful being I've laid my eyes on, besides me of corse~" Asmo hummed, quickly pulling himself together.

"I know guys like you.." the person groaned, closing their eyes in annoyance, "you're a playboy I've ever seen one."

"Moi? A playboy? Well, maybe I was in the past, but I really do love MC!" Asmo pouted, crossing his arms.

"That's what they all say," the person shook their head, opening hus eyes and staring down Asmodeus, "look, if you ever hurt my MC or break their heart, I'll haunt you till the verge of insanity." they spoke coldly.

Asmodeus thought back on their words, "Okay, I've got like, three questions. First, how are they YOUR MC? They're mine. Second off, how do you know MC? Are you a stalker or something? Third.. Haunt? Are you telling me you're a ghost or something?" Asmodeus questioned, a bit taken aback.

"Listen, pretty boy-" the person started but Asmo cut them short.

"You think I'm pretty? Well of course you do! Who wouldn't?" Asmo winked, causing the ghost to roll their eyes.

"I loved MC first, got it? Just because I'm dead doesn't mean I stopped loving them. I'll always love them. But.. They deserve to move on. They deserve to be loved by others.. So that's why I'm letting you have them, even if I'm questioning their choice in men.." the spirit spoke, finally dropping that threatening act.

"Oh.. Oh? Oh!" realization dawned on Asmodeus' face, "You were MC's lover, the one they told me about!" Asmodeus exclaimed, many emotions running through him at the moment.

"They still talk about me, huh?" your ex-lover chuckled sadly.

Asmodeus almost told him that you had brought them up just now for the first time, but bit his tongue, keeping the secret safe with him. Even if you hadn't told him before didn't mean you never thought about them, right?

"Today's the anniversary of your death, right? Is that why you're here?" Asmodeus deflected the question with a question of his own.

"Yeah, today's the day, alright," they sighed bitterly, "And technically, yes? I don't want to get in the way too much.. Dead should stay dead.. But I still like to take a look at how they're doing on important days like these.. Our anniversaries, their birthday, my birthday, my death day.." they explained.

"Hm, sounds like reasonable times to pay a visit to your lover~" Asmodeus mused carefreely, "Are you here to give them a little gift, hm?" he questioned with a smile.

"Actually..." the person shuffeled around before taking something out of his pocket, "I do.." they showed it off to Asmodeus; it was a music box. Your dead lover opened it and it played a music that sounded slightly familiar to Asmodeus.. And instead of a ballerina, there was a couple holding hands spinning around together.

Asmodeus looked at the gift, judging it silently, "That's.. Cute? I guess? But wouldn't it be better to buy them something more.. Extravagant?" he asked, confused.

Your lover shook their head, "No. This is more sentimental.. I bought a music box similar to this to MC on our six months anniversary. It actually plays a song that played when we first met, too." they explained with a soft smile on their face, sweet longing and pining in their eyes that Asmodeus had seen many times before..

"Oh.." Asmodeus nodded, realizing how sentimental this gift might be to you.

"I'm sorry if I seemed a bit hostile before," the ghost sighed, "At first I wanted to hate you. You got to love MC when it should have still been me.. But now that I think about it more.. I'm just glad they have been able to love and be loved again in return, that they've been able to take that step to fall in love and move on. I just want them to be happy, you know?"

Asmodeus just nodded, eyes glued onto the music box, "Me too. I sometimes fear my sin gets in between us but.. I would do anything for my gorgeous MC." he looked back up at the ghost sitting in front of him, grinning charmingly.

"Can you give this present to MC? You don't have to say a word about me, I just.. Want them to have this. Would you do that for me?" they asked with pleading eyes, handing Asmodeus the music box.

Asmodeus took the frail box into his hands, inspecting it closely yet delicately, "Yes." he simply replied, placing the music box carefully into his coat pocket.

"Thank you.." He heard a voice say as he did so.

When he looked up again, your deceased lover was gone and he saw you returning from the bathroom with a smile on your face, seemingly much more chipper than earlier.

Asmodeus stood up, pecked your cheek affectionately and lead you back to your seat, holding you by your waistline.

Seeing you smile again, he didn't want to give the music box to you quite yet. It'd likely cause you to weep again. But in his mind he swore he'd give it to you once you two go back home.

You were visiting in the human world, just having fun and visiting the places you used to love as a child.

You told Beelzebub so many fun stories of your childhood, all the adventures and trips you had.

You even opened up about some difficult things, feeling like it was safe to do so with him.

Beelzebub loved to hear all the stories you had told him, whether fun or sad. He loved his family and he loved hearing you talk about your family too.

You were at an amusement park that you used to love as a child, just having a good time when you needed to go use the restroom.

Beelzebub went to the food court, buying himself tons of fast food and candy while waiting for you, saving some of your favorites for you.

He was just spacing off when he suddenly felt something small tug the fabric of his pants.

He looked down and saw a small girl, no older than 6, clutching onto his pants and looking up at him with her big eyes.

The girl looked a lot like he had imagined you to look like as a kid.. She had the same eye color.. The same hair color.. What a fun coincidence.

Beelzebub smiled down at the girl, trying to appear more approacable than usually, "Well hello there, little girl. Do you need my help?" he asked the girl.

The girl shook her head, pouting, "Up!" she requested, stretching her arms towards Beelzebub.

Beel looked around to see if he could spot the little girl's parents in the crowd looking for her but didn't see anyone. Then he just shrugged and lifted the girl up, seating her on his knee.

The girl kept her eyes on Beelzebub, her expression stern, "So you're the man my sibling loves?"

Beelzebub nearly choked on his coke, "Your sibling? Who is your sibling?" he asked, confused. He swore he had never seen this girl before.

"How many people have you gotten under your spell, you demon?" the girl shrieked, horrified, "My sibling's name is MC! Don't you forget that!"

Beelzebub's confusion turned into realization as he smiled widely, hearing from your sister that you loved him felt nice, "Oh! I'm sorry, I just didn't know MC had a little sister." he apologized sincerely.

"Twin!" the girl exclaimed proudly, "They are my twin sibling. Just like you have a twin brother. Samesies!" she giggled, her mood suddenly getting better.

"But you're so little and MC is.. Well, older and taller than that at least.." Beelzebub's confusion was back, stronger than ever.

"Yeah! That's because I couldn't stay for long before I was needed elsewhere and a big hand picked me up. MC stayed with ma and pa, because ma and pa needed them more." the girl explained with an innocent smile.

"Who took you? Where?" Beelzebub asked with furrowen brows. Was this girl kidnapped?

"Angels! They knew my body was growing weak and tired so they carried me to a place where I didn't have to feel pain and sadness anymore." she exclaimed with a wide smile.

"You went to Celestial Realm? What are you doing here then?" Beelzebub continued to bombard the little girl with his questions.

"I came to see how my twin is doing! You if anyone should know how deep the bond of a twin can go." the little girl hummed.

"Do you get to visit the human world often?" Beel just made small talk with the girl, waiting for MC's return.

"Not really," the girl sighed, "I wish I could come more often, especially now that MC's no longer home. I know it's all hard on ma and pa.."

"I'm sure your mom and dad would be happy to know their little girl is an angel." Beelzebub smiled and ruffled the little girl's hair affectionately. The girl's face brightened right up.

"Look! You should win this for MC!" she suddenly exclaimed and started to pull Beelzebub towards one of those carnival games, "Our pa won us a unicorn just like this a loooong time ago! I loooooove unicorns!" she giggled while pointing at a huge unicorn plushie. Beel glanced and the girl's smiling face and knew he couldn't say no to that.

Luckily for Beel, the game was one of those high strikers, so he had an adventage thanks to his physique and demonic strength.

He broke the high striker.. Oh well, he still got the huge unicorn plushie.

"Yaaay! Unicorn!" the girl screamed while hugging the plushie that was bigger than her. She buried her face into its white fur. She really did look like an angel.

Beelzebub just looked at the little girl, smiling. He kinda wondered what it would be like to have a daughter of his own..

Before long, the girl handed the unicorn plushie back to Beel with a smile, "I can't take this to where I'm going. I think you should give it to MC. I'm sure they're going to love that."

Beelzebub took the unicorn plushie with a blank expression, "Are you sure? You seemed to really love this thou-" he couldn't even finish his sentence when he heard a voice behind him calling for him.

"Beel! There you are! I was looking for you!" You yelled as you ran up to Beel before your eyes focused onto the plushie he was holding.

"This unicorn...!" you gasped, holding yours hands out for it, "It reminds me of the one my dad once won for me when I was a little child.."

Beelzebub handed you the unicorn plushie, "Yeah, your twin sister said I should win it for you." he chuckled.

Your face turned into one of sorrow, "My twin sister?" you questioned, staring straight at the unicorn you were holding.

"Yeah, she's right here, look-" Beelzebub turned around to point at the little girl, but she had vanished, "...Where did she walk off to?" he mumbled with a concerned tone.

"Beel, my twin.. She's gone. She died from heart disease when she was six." you explained with a depressed tone, hugging the unicorn close to your body, "She loved unicorns. She always wanted mother to read her about them. And when she was at the hospital.. She always carried that unicorn plushie of hers everywhere.." you smiled sadly against the unicorn plushie, a familiar, comforting smell lingering.

"...Oh.." Beelzebub finally realized and shuffled his feet awkwardly. For a moment everything was silent, but not before long you felt Beelzebub's strong arms enveloping you into a tight hug.

"I'm so sorry for your loss, MC.. I can't imagine life without Belphie, so hearing that you've lost your twin.. It makes my heart break. Losing Lilith was hard enough.. But a life without Belphie would be even darker and gloomier.." Beelzebub sighed as he held you close to his body, "You're so strong, MC. Just the fact that you are smiling after losing your twin is just amazing.."

Belphegor was asleep. Not very surprising, seeing that he's the avatar of sloth and basically slept over half the day away on a daily basis.

Belphegor was used to all kinds of dreams; good dreams, daydreams, nightmares, lucid dreams.. Most of his dreams were lucid anyway as he had a good control over himself and his environment in his dreams.

But this dream he was having right now felt a bit.. Different.

It felt so realistic; like he had been transported to another place and he was actually awake.

Belphegor found himself in a living room of some house; he saw the lace curtains, the floral print sofa cushions, the tea plates along the walls.. The air smelled sweet.

It all felt so real..

Then Belphegor spotted it; an old woman sitting on an armchair, sipping some tea with a peaceful look on her face.

The woman seemed inviting and somehow... Familiar.

Then the old woman opened her eyes, smiling up at Belphegor, "Come on in, I have been waiting for your arrival, young man." she spoke, her voice unwavering.

Belphegor felt conflicted; he still didn't particularly love humans, but something about this felt important.

So with apprehensive steps, Belphegor walked closer and sat down on a sofa. There was a bowl of candy on the table and an assortment of cookies and biscuits were lined up on a small silver tray that had already lost its gleam.

"Why did you call for me?" Belphegor questioned with raised eyebrows, "Who are you?"

The woman took another sip of her tea, "I am MC's grandmother. I just wanted to meet my grandchild's friend, that's all."

That word, friend, stung a bit. Are you two just friends and how would this old woman know about any of that?

"So you're MC's grandmother, huh?" Belphie thought out loud, taking a long look at the woman. She did bear some resemblance to MC, "How did you manage to make it into my dreams? That's no simple task for a human with no magical qualities."

"It might be difficult for any living being, but the story is much different for the deceased, dear." the grandmother laughed dryly, taking a cookie and taking a bite out of it.

"You're dead?" Belphie questioned with a surprised tone and the old lady just nodded, "How did you die?" he continued.

"Oh, my years just caught up to me and I was ready to cross the stream. Might not be familiar to your kind, but we humans know when it's our time to go." a small smile was tugging at her lips when she spoke.

'My kind, huh?' Belphegor thought to himself, 'she must know that I am a demon.. I was expecting a lot colder reaction from MC's family if they knew who their child was seeing..'

"So.. You're okay with me being.. What I am?" Belphegor asked before he could stop himself, "After all that I did?" He could feel guilt starting to eat him up inside again, thinking all the sins he had commited towards you.

The old lady's smile faltered for a second. She took a deep breath before speaking up, "I've always told my darling MC that she can be what they are around me and that they can love whoever they love. I don't see any fault in loving someone. I'm just glad they're being loved and looked after by someone.. And what comes to you.. Well, you've made many mistakes and crossed many lines. If I was living and heard about what you've done, I'd probably tell MC to run as fast as they can, but.. We dead don't get to make those choices anymore. And the more I've thought about it.. The more I've realized that your actions sprung from a place of pain and agony. It doesn't excuse your actions, but sheds some light to what went through your head. I may never fully understand, but I accept that it happened, that my grandchild forgave you and that you mean so much to them."

Belphegor could feel a strange sensation in his throat as he listened to the old woman speak. And for a moment, he felt like a little child again, running around in the dark, stumbling, hanging onto everything he could get a hold of and searching for a way out in a panic.

He just wanted to lay down in a fetal position while hugging a comfrot blanket, sucking his thumb until he fell asleep and slept away this pain in his chest.

"What did I do to deserve forgiveness?" Belphegor asked, his face blank. He couldn't understand.

"Nothing. Forgiveness doesn't usually come with a condition. That's why only some people are capable of such an act of selflessness." the grandmother smiled before offering candy to Belphegor. He took the candy with a small nod of his head. It almost felt like he was actually tasting it.. How he wished he could've brought some to Beelzebub.

"I told you earlier that I just wanted to see my grandchild's friend, but that was a lie.. There's something I wish you to do if that is not too much to ask for?" she suddenly said and Belphegor turned his expectant eyes to her.

"What is it?" Belphegor asked, not quite sure if he was capable enough to fulfill the old woman's wishes.

"They have a tendency to burden themselves with everyone else's problems.. They're just selfless and caring like that. Will you please look after them? Just make sure they're not overdoing it. I know they're big now, but.. They're still my baby, even if I'm not around." MC's grandmother smiled sadly, her eyes glued to her mostly empty tea cup.

"Of couse. I'll always take care of them. Even if it just means forcing them to take a nap or helping them with their homework, I'll always do it if it's for them." Belphegor swore, hand on his heart.

"We seem to have an understading. Thank you," the old lady's smile brightened up immediately before her eyes softened and her voice grew more quiet, "Belphegor, I think it's your time to wake up."

"Do I have to leave? Will you ever visit me again?" Belphegor questioned as he could feel his head growing heavier and the world around him dimming.

"Yes. You have a responsibility to fulfill, yes?" the woman laughed, "You know where to find me, son." she spoke as the world fell dark.

When Belphegor opened his eyes again, he found a pile of rather familiar candies next to his pillow.. He made a mental note to share those with both Beelzebub and MC.

A/N: I'm someone who has lost a lot of loved ones; I've been to over twenty funerals; so writing these was both hard and catharctic.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me imagines #obey me headcanons #obey me brothers #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor

[downwiththemutantnjnjaturtles]

Could u also do the four with an S/O that can read them like a book, and just out of no where knows what’s going on and gives random (good) advice? Thank you so much!!

Agh, anon, your requests are a breath of fresh air—feel like I'm going back to my roots with these classic headcanon-type posts 😭💜 I figured this would be a good post to go into some of the problems the boys might have, if you don't mind!

The Boys with an S/O who can read them like a book:

Donatello

• His latest projects, practical and obscure, have not been going well as of late

• He's in a slum and can't seem to get out of it, trying incessantly to fix the various issues to no avail

• It's not often he gets like this but it's here and he's irritable—unable to peel himself away from his projects even late, late into the night when he should be in bed

• You find him up way past the hour in his lab, having heard him tapping his instruments, shuffling around the space, he's not making an effort to be subtle but generally no one approaches him in these times

• Well, except for you

• He doesn't quite notice your presence until he turns around to find you leaned on the doorway

• "You know, all this stuff isn't going to run away from you," you say diplomatically. "It's going to be here when you wake up in the morning. So why don't you go to bed, Donnie?"

• "Because I have to figure out what's wrong," he sighs. "If I don't do it now, I'll..."

• You walk over and take the empty pipette from his hand, setting it down on the counter behind you. "You have all the time in the world to tackle this stuff; you really should go to bed, Donnie. Like I said, your projects aren't going to be gone in the morning, or the next, or the one after that. You shouldn't live life with a constant sense of urgency."

• It may not be what he really wants to hear, but he can't deny that he is impatient at times and tends to prone to anxiety when things keep going wrong.

• "You...may be right. Possibly. Maybe," he says, a hint of defeat. "Okay. I'll go to bed."

• Kisses the top of your head on his way out.

• Someone to understand and give him a gentle perspective without judgement is a very welcome change

Leo

• Leo always has a looming feeling of being unprepared

• What if Mikey won't be paying attention when he needs him to? What if Raph has an explosive episode on the surface and puts their mission on the line? What if Donnie's equipment fails them at the worst moment?

• It's why he's always harking on everyone to make sure everything is in place, pushing for training, trying to avoid creating conflict. He just wants everyone to be safe, and so the micromanaging begins.

• His brothers have been more uncooperative and uncoordinated than usual

• Meditates excessively when these things are on his mind, today being no different—he enters a distant state of mind while doing mundane tasks and his usual practices that makes him feel unapproachable

• You find him doing it yet again, he's cleaning his portion of the lair and re organizing things he's already organized

• "What has you so frazzled, Leo?" you ask.

• He doesn't even respond until he's done setting his books back in order.

• "Nothing," he says. "I'm doing what I always do."

• "You sure?" "Because it seems like you're stressing right now."

• "I'm fine. This is how I relax."

• You take a seat on the edge of his bed. "So you are stressed?"

• Leo hadn't seemed to notice the words he'd used but knows he can't backtrack.

• "You can trust your brothers, you know that, right?" He sits down as well and sighs. "Even when you guys are a little...off beat, you always pull through, don't you? That's why you're so good, it's because you can improv and adapt. There have been times where you are totally not on the same page and still managed to make it out, and pretty successfully, might I add."

• He contemplates for a minute. You're right; with or without all of his excessive efforts, they always found a way.

• "Hearing it from someone else makes it easier to see, I guess. Thank you, (Y/N), I'll keep that in mind."

• The surprise advice is unexpected but appreciated, as no one can make him relax like that besides Splinter

Mikey

• He doesn't realize just how obvious he is when he's bothered

• Genuinely confused when point out his fiddling with random stuff, going back and forth to the kitchen more than normal, a little quieter than you're used to. Weirdly enough, he gets a bit lethargic when things like this crop up because he thinks so much

• Like now. He's used to being low-key criticized for his natural behavior and mindset, but a guy can only take so much, can't he?

• He doesn't want to feel like a kid and like he's incompetent, yet he feels that way at times due to how people talk to him

• He's fidgeting with some trinket on the couch when you approach him and seems unenthusiastic

• "Oh, what's up babes?"

• "You're doing the thing again," you say with a chuckle, "being told you're doing something wrong feels pretty bad, huh?"

• He's a little confused

• "What do you mean?"

• "I mean that sometimes your family doesn't understand that you function a certain way and, there's nothing inherently wrong with that, but at the same time, we have to be conscientious, don't we? Not every criticism is a personal offense, so try not to take it to heart too much, babe."

• He takes a moment to process, but you know he's got it when his eyes light up and he puts down whatever he's messing with

• "How come you like...always know what to say, angelcakes? You're so smart!"

• Will end up coming to you instead when he's got a problem if Leo or Donnie's a part of it, because they used to be his go-to, but telling it to his partner just hits different

• Your words actually stick with him and he's not too stubborn to take them in stride

Raph

• To be honest, Raph doesn't do well with being confronted while he's angry in general...

• Tends to blow steam off in his gym or practicing with his sai (or, if he's in a REALLY bad mood, knitting) though can only spend so much time doing that

• Not before you say something, at least

• Raph is a highly emotional person, not limited to anger. But this of course makes him an accident waiting to happen at times because of his intense disposition, so his attitude can be shit-starter, especially with Leonardo because he envies his position leader

• So, he's been clearly fuming and you've decided it's time to say something

• He's at his weight bench repping it out

• "Have another argument with Leo?"

• "Something like that."

• "You understand he's under a lot of pressure, right? That being team leader isn't that easy?"

• "What would you know?"

• "It's not hard to figure, Raph, you guys are being actively hunted and the responsibility's on him to keep you safe when Splinter can't be there. Yes, that's you too. Try putting yourself in his shoes and think about how that would make you feel. It's hard? Yeah. I know it's not what you want, but you have your own special place in the family, and no one can replace you. Think about how much Leo and the rest of your brothers would flounder if you weren't there. They need you where you're at, just like you three need Leo. You're their big guns, big guy."

• Of course, he doesn't want to admit that you're right, that hurts the pride

• But deep down he knows that it's true.

• "I'll tell y what, baby girl, you've got the nerve, I guess. I ain't saying you're right or anything, but..."

• He's always going to remember this, but unfortunately, he won't always heed your advice. It gets lost in the moment and it's his personal problem that he must deal with himself.

#tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt x reader #tmnt donnie #tmnt mikey #tmnt raph #tmnt leo

[thebibliosphere]

So I'm currently unemployed because I got fired for taking too much sick leave (it was legally sketchy blah blah blah but in the end I just can't work and take care of myself and investigate my mystery health problems at the same time). So I've been spending more time writing!

I really admire your writing and loved Hunger Pangs. I'm looking forward to the poly elements developing and I'm wondering if you have any advice for writing about poly. I've made one of my projects a snarky take on "write what you know" ... Apparently what I know is southern gothic meets Pacific northwest gothic, chronic illness pandemic surrealism, and falling back-asswards into threesomes.

I know this is a very open-ended question and I don't expect an answer, I'm just curious about it if you have the energy. As a writer, trying to write honestly / realistically about polyamory/enm, I'm curious if you have any thoughts on what's different about portraying monogamy or nonmonogamy in books, romance or erotica or otherwise.

I'm trying to read examples but it's hard to find examples that fit the niche I'm looking at. Excuse me if this question is nonsense, it's the cluster headaches.

I'm sorry to hear you've been dealing with all that and solidarity on the cluster headaches. But I'm glad you're finding an outlet through writing! And I hope you're happy with an open-ended ramble in response because oh boy, there's a lot I could talk about and I could probably do a better job of answering this sort of thing with more specific questions, but let's see where we end up.

There's definitely a big difference between writing polyamory/ENM (ethical non-monogamy) and what people often expect from monogamous love stories.

Just even from a purely sales and marketing standpoint, the moment you write anything polyamorous (or even just straight up LGBTQIA+ without the ENM) you're going to get considered closer to being erotica/obscene than hetero romances. It's an unfair bias, but it's one that exists in our society. But also the Amazon algorithm and their shitty, shitty human censors. Especially the ones that work the weekends. (Talking to you, Carlos 🖕.)

So not only do you start out hyper-aware that you're writing something that is highly stigmatized or fetishized (at least I'm hyper-aware) but that you are also writing for a niche market that is starving for positive content because the content that exists is either limited, not what they want, or is problematic in some fashion i.e. highly stigmatized or fetishy. And even then, the wants, desires, and expectations of the community you're writing for are complex and wildly varied and hard to fit into an easy formula.

When writing monogamous love stories, there is a set expectation that’s really hard to fuck up once you know it. X person meets Y. Attraction happens, followed by some sort of minor conflict/resolution. Other plot may happen. A greater catalyst involving personal growth for both parties (hopefully) happens. Follow the equation to its ultimate resolution and achieve Happily Ever After. 

But writing ENM is... a lot more difficult, if only because of the pure scope of possibilities. You could try to follow the same equation and shove three (or more) people into it, but it rarely works well. Usually because if you’re doing it right, you won’t have enough room in a single character arc to allow for enough growth, and if ENM requires anything in abundance, it’s room to grow.

And this post is huge so I’m going to put the rest under a cut :)

There's also a common refrain in certain online polyam/ENM circles that triads and throuples are overrepresented in media and they may be right to some extent. Personally, I believe the issue isn't that triads and throuples are overrepresented, but that there is such minuscule positive rep of ethical non-monogamy in general, that the few tiny instances we have of triads in media make it seem like it's "everywhere" when in actuality, it's still quite rare and the media we do have often veers into Unicorn Hunter fetish porn. Which is its own problematic thing. And just to be clear, I’m not including this part to dissuade you from writing "falling back-asswards into threesomes." If anything, I need more of it and would hook it directly into my brain if I could. I'm just throwing it out there into the void in the hope that someone will take the thought and run with it, lol.

I’d love to see more polyfidelitous rep in fiction, just as much as I’d like to see more relationship anarchy too. More diversity in fiction is always good.

Another thing that differs in writing ENM romance vs conventional monogamy is the feeling like you need to justify yourself. There's a lot of pressure to be as healthy and non-problematic as possible because you are being held to a higher standard of criticism. Both from people from without the ENM communities, and from the people within. Granted, some people don't give a shit and just want to read some fantastic porn (valid) but there are those who will cheerfully read Fifty Shades of Bullshit and call it "spicy" and "romantic," then turn around and call the most tooth-rottingly-sweet-fluff about a queer platonic polycule heresy. That's just the way the world works.

(Pro-tip for author life in general: never read your own reviews; that way madness lies. I glimpsed one the other day that tagged Hunger Pangs as “ethical cheating” and just about had an aneurism.)

And while that feeling of needing to justify yourself comes from a valid place of being excluded from the table of socially accepted norms, it can also be to the detriment of both the story and the subject matter at hand. I've seen some authors bend so far over backward to avoid being problematic in their portrayal of ENM, they end up being problematic for entirely different reasons. Usually because they give such a skewed, rose-tinted perspective of how things work, it ends up coming off as well... a bit culty and obnoxious tbh.

“Look how enlightened we are, freed from the trappings of monogamy and jealousy! We’re all so honest and perfect and happy!”

Yeah, uhu, sure Jan. Except here’s the thing, not all jealousy is bad. How you act on it can be, but jealousy itself is an important tool in the junk drawer that is the range of human emotion. It can clue us in to when we’re feeling sad or neglected, which in turn means we should figure out why we’re feeling those things. Sometimes it’s because brains are just like that and anxiety is a thing. Other times it’s because our needs are actually being neglected and we are in an unhealthy situation we need to remedy. You gotta put the work in to figure it out. Which is the same as any style of relationship, whether it’s mono, polyam or whatever flavor of ENM you subscribe to* And sometimes you just gotta be messy, because that’s how humans are. Being afraid to show that mess makes it a dishonest portrayal, and it also robs you of some great cannon fodder for character development.

Which brings me in a roundabout way to my current pet peeve in how certain writers take monogamous ideals and apply them to ENM, sometimes without even realizing it. The “Find the Right Person and Settle Down” trope.

Often, in this case, ENM or polyamory is treated as a phase. Something you mature out of with age or until you meet “The One(tm).” This is, of course, an attempt to follow the mono style formula expected in most romances. And while it might appeal to many readers, it’s uh, actually quite insulting. 

To give an example, I am currently seeing this a lot in the Witcher fandom. 

Fanon Netflix!Jaskier is everyone's favorite ethical slut until he meets Geralt then woops, wouldn’t you know, he just needed to find The One(tm). Suddenly, all his other sexual and romantic exploits or attractions mean nothing to him. Let's watch as he throws away a core aspect of his personality in favor of a man. 

Yeah... that sure showed those societal norms... 

If I were being generous, I’d say it’s a poor attempt at showing New Relationship Euphoria and how wrapped up people can become in new relationships. But honestly, it’s monogamous bias eking its way in to validate how special and unique the relationship is. Because sometimes people really can’t think of any other way to show how important and valid a relationship is without defining it in terms of exclusivity. Which is a fundamental misunderstanding of how ENM works for a lot of people and invalidates a lot of loving, serious and long-term relationships.

This is not to say that some polyam/poly-leaning people can't be happy in monogamous relationships! I am! (I consider myself ambiamorous. I'm happy with either monogamy or polyamory, it really just depends on the relationship(s) I’m in.) But I also don't regard my relationship with a mono partner as "settling down" or "growing up." It's just a choice I made to be with a person I love, and it's a valid one. Just like choosing to never close yourself off to multiple relationships is valid. And I wish more people realized that, or rather, I wish the people writing these things knew that :P

Anyway, I think I’ve rambled enough. I hope this collection of incoherent thoughts actually makes some sense and might be useful. 

----

*A good resource book that doesn't pull any punches in this regard is Polysecure by Jessica Fern. It's a wonderfully insightful read that explores the messier side of consensual non-monogamy, especially with how it can be affected by trauma or inter-relationship conflicts. But it also shows how to take better steps toward healthy, ethical non-monogamy (a far better job than More Than Two**) and conflict resolution, making it a valuable resource both for someone who is a part of this relationship style***, but also for writers on the outside looking in who might have a very simple or misguided idea of what conflict within polyam/ENM relationships might look like, vs traditional monogamous ones.

** The author of More Than Two has been accused of multiple accounts of abuse within the polyamorous community, with many of his coauthors having spoken out about the gaslighting and emotional and psychological damage they experienced while in a relationship with him. A lot of their stories are documented here: https://www.itrippedonthepolystair.com/ (warning: it is not light material and deals with issues of abuse, gaslighting, and a whole other plethora of Yikes.) While some people still find More Than Two helpful reading, there are now, thankfully, much, much better resources out there.

*** Some people consider polyam/ENM to be part of their identity or orientation, while others view it as a relationship style.It largely depends on the individual. 

#long post #writing #ethical non-monogamy #relationship styles #relationship models in fiction #also that kindle link is an affiliate link #because fuck giving amazon free recs

[caitlynxviolet]

Ok but why did Vi drink that glass of wisky (?) during her second fight with Sevika ? I realize my ask is a bit weird now but I always wanted to know lol

YES I WAS WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO MENTION THIS

I can’t really talk about this moment without briefly talking about Vi’s coping mechanisms as well - and since alcohol usually is part of someone’s way to cope, especially in the context in which she drank.

We’ve never seen her drink any alcohol post-timeskip, and definitely not pre-timeskip. She must have been desensitized to it while she was under the care of Vander, a bar owner. It makes sense that she would drink alcohol given her upbringing.

Was that her first time getting a sip of alcohol? I doubt it, but there’s no evidence to refute it either.

Considering how she spent several years in prison, it’s unlikely that drinking was part of her coping mechanisms. I’m not sure how Stillwater functions internally, but if it’s anything like modern American prisons, then alcohol is strictly prohibited and you’d have to be quite creative to make what they call “toilet wine” (or a concoction made of old fruit, sugar and water that you add yeast to and let sit for a few days... yum). I know she could have gotten a hold of some alcohol regardless, but we haven’t seen it. As far as we know, she wasn’t drinking. 

So what made her drink there?

Her motivation for the two fights is the same: getting revenge on Silco for what he’s done through beating his number two, who also betrayed her family.

When Vi witnesses the aftermath of Vander’s death and how it allowed Silco to take over, she is seen clenching her fists and putting on a tough façade, mostly so Caitlyn doesn’t see Vi’s vulnerable side (*shoves her* “you don’t know anything”). We don’t see Vi crack during her conversation with Babette, but she continues to clench her fists out of anger and denial. 

Vi tells her: "By the looks of it, no one down here lifted a finger to stop Silco". No one stopped Silco. She spent years in prison beating up his goons and no one on the other side did anything to stop him. She's upset at this point, so when Babette says there's a way to reach Silco's number two, she sees it as her first opportunity for revenge.

Vi could stomach Silco's reign over Zaun because she probably expected it, but she loses it when Sevika reveals her little sister works for him. That clearly wasn’t something she ever considered before. She loosens her grip on Sevika and in a second of weakness, she gets stabbed. Her moment of vulnerability is what makes her lose a fight that she was about to win, just because she lets her guard down.

Her second fight with Sevika is a little different. 

She found Powder, except now she knows what happened to her. She left Caitlyn behind - Caitlyn who saved her during her first fight with Sevika - so she’s all alone with no one to look out for her. This time, she’s come prepared with the Atlas gauntlets. On paper, she’s ready to take down Silco. She knows how to get to him and she knows it’s possible.

Emotionally, she’s not ready at all. Going into a fight in a blind rage isn’t healthy nor efficient, but that’s how Vi thinks she can beat her. There’s nothing Sevika could say that would get under her skin, so her own head is the only thing preventing her from winning. 

Vi turns to alcohol because the only way to beat Sevika is by letting her rage consume her and thrive - by being emotionally numb. In fact, we see her hyping herself up, feeling the anger as much as possible. It works... until it’s not enough and she gets knocked down. 

Vi hears Vander’s voice saying her guard needs working. Remember this isn’t actually Vander - it’s Vi conjuring him and making him say what she needs to hear in the moment to keep going. It’s highly emotional. 

She still needs you. They all do.

The emotions that she kept trying to drown through denial, or alcohol, came back and saved her this time, instead of getting her stabbed. It gave her strength. Her moment of vulnerability here is what makes her win a fight that she was about to lose. She didn’t let her guard down this time - she used Ekko’s comment about her still blocking with her face, along with Vander’s critique of her guard (which is more of her own observation, I assume), and she stood back up.

I doubt we’ll ever see Vi drinking again. I think we all know how much of an emotional wreck Vi is going to be next season based on the s2 teaser and the events of the finale, so I genuinely think Vi’s last fight with Sevika was her last successful attempt at avoiding her trauma through pointless fights. The alcohol acted as a last-ditch effort to continue living in denial - running on pure anger and a desire for revenge. 

I think that’ll be the opposite of Vi in season two. We’re about to see what she does when she’s actually forced to face how terrible everything is, and when she no longer has a scapegoat for all of her problems. I’m expecting different coping mechanisms, perhaps. Denial, especially in the form of protecting Caitlyn and focusing on her wellbeing above all else. 

I’m not expecting more alcohol consumption.

#tw alcohol #analysis #arcane vi #meta #anon #welp there's the essay akjsdmamd #thank you sm anon #hope you enjoyed #her mindset going into these fights is so interesting #her goal was literally just to beat Sevika - not to kill her #which is interesting when you think about how this is probably what she wanted to do to silco as well #to destroy him by turning his own people against him #it's quite impressive #she does have a good heart #my little lover archetype

[hoodoobarbie]

The mythology of the Siren, Mermaid, Water Spirits & Mami Wata and it’s origins within black feminity.

Today I had to listen to other another black woman rant about how mermaids/sirens/mami wata are evil low key. So this educational post was born in response. 

Did you really think the divine essence of the black feminine wouldn’t protect itself ? That energy exists for a reason.  Suddenly it’s evil, to have teeth and protect yourself from predators. Water is a precious resource. You will be tested to see if you are deserving of it or not. Also these spirits will defend natural resources so they don’t get fucked up by human greed. 

It’s common for some places in Africa for people to offer the Sirens/Mami Wata/Water spirits or make an offerings/contracts with them in order to use the resources on their land. It also keeps the white ppl away too because they cause so much trouble.

Sirens are also associated with being the killers of children and men, but often this is completely misrepresented intentionally.

Men fear the power of the siren because she can override the patriarchy at core and can completely unravel them. The orgins of many water spirits lie in matriachal societies, temples divine feminine and motherhood. This is why temples and sacred magikal knowledge was intentionally destroyed and stolen, especially to empower the white patriarch.

Sirens are also described as thiefs of children and child killers. Sirens have been known to kidnap kids who were being abused or have were murdered near water and take them to their kingdom to restore them.

Sometimes the child returns, sometimes they are not. However in general they are big on kidnapping people, mostly women and giving them powers, if they decide to return. The idea of them eating and killing children, was a lie perpetuated by Greeks to cover up some truly horrific acts. Unfortunate these false accusations have been allowed to continue to perpetuate.

If a siren is acting in a predatory way, there is a reason why as their energy as been disturbed. Sirens are natural guardians. 

So the real question is . . . what did you do ? Did you destroy their habitat ? Abuse a child or a person ? Commit an egregious act against a woman ie rape/murder etc ? Disrespect a sacred place, the land, the seas or rivers ? Steal precious resources that weren’t yours to take ?

These sacred traditions are more than just deities, spirits and our ancestors. All forms of ATR are access to our spiritual mind state as an entire community. When you move in Vodou, you can sense the whole of black consciousness and all of our problem spots, specifically  areas that need healing. 

Oxum-Oshun, Olokun, Yemaya, the Mami Wata, La Baliene, La Siren, Met Agwe, The Simbi - these are all spirits with a connection to waters. Water is life and has always been inherently associated feminine energy. I’m not going into detail about all these cross connections but let’s chat about La Sirene, specifically.

La Sirene, Queen of all Mermaids is more than just a powerful sorceress and queen of song/music and dreams, she is also a keeper of secrets an a guardian of sacred memories & knowledge.

Many of the souls of slaves, from the Transatlantic slave trade that were thrown off the boats into the ocean are her children, citizens and warriors now. She comforts them eternally & they live in paradise. That doesn’t mean all of these souls are at rest, plenty continuously ask their mother if they will be avenged, especially the young children. She also has a close connection with the Indigenous Taino. The isle of Hispaniola also known as Haiti (Ayiti) & the Dominican Republic is her most known domain. 

Let’s not act like slavery and colonization was a cake walk. Rape was common place and mermaids, water spirits offered African and Indigenous women protection and power over men. They became demonized overtime for their hypnotic powers and killing men, who often overstepped their boundaries. Women could leave offerings to these spirits, work or commune with them and be quickly avenged or gain great power and wealth. All of this was threatening to the white patriarchal standard.

La Sirene’s presence in Haiti and other merfolk tales that float around the Caribbean/West Indies, is not without purpose. She has ties to many people and many different cultures. Her sacred symbols are global. This is why I speculate she is much older than people think. La Sirene, is a fairly young evolution. She clearly has ties to much older things. Her older names might have been lost but she has evolved, to save her self and also document other forgotten elements of history in the process. There are those who speculate that La Sirene is the embodiment of a cross mixed culture, the evolution of Indigenous & African water spirits combined, due to the excess trauma of colonization and so the Mermaid Queen was born. Others will argue that she is the Orisha Yemaya but a newer avatar of her.  I hate to argue semantics but I will say this, she exists and her presence is felt to this day, all around the world. 

La Sirene is often depicted as a mulatto woman with eyes like the sea but if you have been blessed to see her in dream state, she does appear sometimes as a brown or dark skinned skinned woman of possibly mixed Indigenous/African ancestry with glowing hypnotic eyes.  Alot of her older depictions, deal with colorism and slavery, but as things have grown in the modern world this imagery has begun to change. However mermaids, are known for their shapeshifting powers - to truly behold her true form, is a gift reserved for the rare few. 

As a keeper of the mysteries, La Sirene also access to many forgotten things in the black subconscious. The element of water is an intensely psychic sign.  Water is her domain, and what is the human body 80% of? WATER! The truth does not hide from her hypnotic eyes. This sacred connection to water and her essence, also means you can  track forgotten elements black history and connect to other deities/cultures who’ve had contact with her & her whole court or other black water spirits as a whole. So let’s take a short historical trip down memory lane.

The Greeks & Black women. Sirens, Aphrodite, Sibyls and other Children of Water 🧜🏾‍♀️

The deity Aphrodite/Venus is of Grecian and Roman legend.  

A little known magikal fact is that Aphrodite/Venus is half siren. She is a child of the water, she was literally birthed this way after Uranus got his balls cut off & thrown into the sea. Much of her Venusian influence and powers of love and beauty come from this element. Now my Mambo doesn’t like mentioning it but Aphrodite, is tolerated by the oceanic court of sirens/mermaids. Any child of water, falls under the domain of the queen. La Sirene has a sort of strange fondness for her and so does Aphrodite for her. However this doesn’t mean they are best friends.  It’s tentative friendship at best and comes with some perks. Aphrodite works quickly for children of water sirens and often will send mermaids to her devotees who misbehave. She has deliberately placed me around her people have pissed her off, to cause mischief. She’s quite petty but also  very generous. I won’t go as far to dare and say she is in the queen’s court, but she does curry favor with the queen. Being born of water, her half siren/mermaid influence has definitely attributed to legends of her beauty in myth but also her treachery with men 🧜🏾‍♀️😂. She clearly also has some sort of homesickness for the world underneath the water, because many of her offerings are gifts of pearls, kisses, sea shells, beauty products etc. Anyone who serves the Mermaid Queen knows the meaning behind those gifts. If you’re a black gyal with water or siren energy and decide to work with Aphrodite, do it!  If you ever irritate her, the least she’ll do is give you pimples and fuck up your skin, she won’t have the full power to completely fuck up your love life like she does with the white girls.  And let me tell you, she has completely ruined some white girls lives by giving them terrible lovers or men.  

The trident 🔱 is known for its connection in Greek and Hindu cultures.  However La Sirene or other African water spirits are depicted carrying it, which is largely ignored in the occult world.

You can track the trident in Hinduism, with the serpent spirits, the nagas or Lord Shiva but let’s focus on it’s Grecian connection. The usage of the trident and Poseidon, even in mainstream society today is associated with him.  This lets us know there is a connection between the mermaids, merfolk and La Sirene/African water spirits. Poseidon’s trident was rumored to made in Athens by the Cyclops - this is the city of Athena. So now we can track an element of black history all the way to Poseidon & Athena. Keep that in your thoughts we’ll come back to that later.

Tridents were also used ceremonially in Africa & India as well, as scepters, tribal weapons and religious symbols.

They were also associated with the sea faring people and fishing. It’s highly likely the origins of the trident are cross mixed between these two societies. Indo-African relations, go back to the Bronze age and the Indus Valley civilization. Which means traveling over by sea to reach each other was necessary. There is historical evidence of African millet being found in a Indian city Chanhudaro, including a cemetary or burial ground for African women.  Maritime relations between these two groups existed before Grecian & the Egyptian Ptolemaic dynasties.

Now of course there are some deranged historians that will try to whitewash history and say the trident has its origins from the labyrs but the Ancient Greeks & Africans/Indians interacted regularly. The trident also looks nothing like a labyrs, which is quite literally a double sided axe.  This is one of the more painful obvious pieces of white washing and historical revisionism. 

Regardless, the trident is associated with water, ceremonial/religious purposes, fishing, battling in the coliseum and the symbol of power for a few African,  Black diasporian an Hindu deities.

🧜🏾‍♀️ Oracles & Sibyls

Some sibyls/oracles were known to be African prophetesses/Mamissi to the Mami Wata/Sirens in Africa, some were stolen or captured by Greeks or Romans, sold into slavery and made to be oracles, some of whom became quite famous in legend. Their connection to these water spirits, is what gave them their gift of prophecy. Not every sibyl or oracle was African but SOME were.  This lead to the sharing and theft of sacred knowledge. It’s likely these women shared this sacred information, with their colleagues, some whom may or may not have been enslaved or kept in these temple and likely this information was traded, for their freedom, power or money etc. This gave way to the usage of sacred spirits and magick being used by men. A great example of this is the snake spirits of the genii, genius spirits (not to be mistaken with genies) and which then evolved into a diluted lesser energy in Greek society being known as daemons (not to be confused with goetic demons) Instead of a woman commanding these specific energies/spirits, the patriarchs decided that these specifics powers were only worthy of being used by men. These spirits were whitewashed, adopted into their religious practices and said to only be given to men at birth. No woman was allowed to possess them anymore.

🧜🏾‍♀️ The whitewashing of Medusa & Lamia. 

In mainstream society these two women stories have been white washed but also to hide a very shameful history and narrative. These two were beautiful women, in older stories of black black mythology were known to be black and they were children of water & daughters of the powerful water spirit/snake/siren divine mother/feminine goddess. 

Medusa was raped by the GREECIAN GOD OF THE SEA, POSEIDON  and Athena covered it up, refused to avenge her and punished her by making her ugly to everyone. It’s speculated in several magikal circles that the snakes in her hair were actually dreads, due to their lack of understanding of black hair and also allegorically might have been a reference to her devotion to the fish or water snake, great mother goddess. A child of the divine feminine, mother goddess was assaulted in a temple by a man and a woman covered it up & celebrated it.

Let’s start there ... cuz this story says a lot! It’s one of the first historical cases  in myth that really documents the issues that surround the black feminine specifically and it was intentionally whitewashed. Then to add insult to injury, Athena made her hideous to all men and her chopped off her head and used as a symbol of protection but also a subtle sign of disrespect to the fullest. This still goes on to this day.

In fact ALGOL, the demon star, which is considered to be strongest protective magick talisman in the occult world today is the HEAD OF MEDUSA. The child of water! BITCH! This energy is invoked constantly and the spirit of medusa is never allowed to rest.

However these egregious acts did not come without a price. Athena at time was a goddess of fertility. However desecrating a child of water or the sirens, is seen as an attack by the divine feminine and can will cause people to be afflicted with fertility and other mental health issues as well. This is speculative but it’s also likely that after this they were constantly visited by droughts, floods or repeating issues with water sanitation & purity after this. Lowered fertility rates and miscarriages might be more prominent, for Athenians and Athena devotees & likely continues to this day.

Devotees of Athena may also develop severe issues when it to their mental health because of this connection. They completely lose touch with their feminine energy and become extremely misogynistic after continued work with her.

Not only did Athena, cause Medusa to be seen as hideous throughout the land but she celebrated when she was murdered and proudly wore Medusa’s decapitated head on her shield. From the feminist eye this virgin deity/woman was extremely male identified and adhered to the patriarchal standard. She was tested by the divine feminine and failed.

Even more strange, Athena’s birth allegorically proclaims her essential character: her wisdom is drawn from the head of a male god; the bond of affection between father and daughter; her championship of heroes and male causes, born as she was from the male, and not from a mother’s womb. A dreaded goddess of war, she remained a virgin and a servant of the patriarchal society and remains so to this day. She is the misogynistic cool girl and very asexual at the core. In fact if you explore more of her mythos, it becomes very clear she hates women. I’m bewildered at how she has become associated with lesbians and the feminine at large, when it’s been very clear that she was intent on transcending her gender from the very beginning, but never managed to escape it.  

To top it off, I’ll leave you with this quote from Aeschylus’ Oresteia by Athena:

“There is no mother anywhere who gave me birth, and, but for marriage, I am always for the male with all my heart, and strongly on my father’s side. So, in a case where the wife has killed her husband, lord of the house, her death shall not mean most to me.”

Queen Lamia was a said to incredible beauty who seduced Zeus, (a literal man whore) which as made Hera jealous. Hera cursed Lamia with infertility and insomnia. She went insane and is said to have killed her own children and ate them. Zeus is said to be the one who gifted her prophecy and gave her the ability to take out her eyes, so she would not be irritated at the site of other happy mothers.

She became associated with a child eating monster who was half woman and half snake, which ties into the Libyan snake cults. She was associated with phantoms, the shapshifting laimai or empusai and the daemon spirits.

Medusa and Lamia were Libyan by heritage and came from a place in Africa where temples to the water snake mother goddess & divine feminine were common before they were destroyed by invaders intentionally. These women likely had extreme gifts of seduction, mind control and other abilities etc. It’s highly likely that Queen Lamia used her powers of seduction, at the behest of her people to save them from colonization and was demonized for it. Zeus’s temple was in Cyrene in Lybia, so this is far more than an allegorical story. This may be a real life story that was disguised in mythos. Unfortunately deeper research into this subject has turned up many dead ends for me. It’s highly likely Medusa was a priestess of the the matriarchal Mami Watas or water goddess/snake spirits and was likely raped intentionally in Athena’s temple, as a show loyalty to the rising patriarchy by descrating the symbolism of the great mother and the divine feminine. This was likely an attempt to lessen power and status of the matriachal societies that existed at the time. Rape was common war tactic amongst colonizers and news of such disgrace would likely spread like wildfire. This also solidified Athena’s place amongst the male gods and gaining her their respect. Athena and her devotees went a step further to show their allegiance to the patriarchy, by stripping Medusa of her beauty supposedly and exiling her, then parading her decapitated head on shields, when going into battle likely with Libyan enemies.

This is just a brief explanation of a few horrific acts in history, which were whitewashed & explain why the essence of the black feminine has evolved to become more protective, predatory and fierce. She learned to defend herself. Now she kills those who threaten her. 

Fun history tip: Usually anytime you see a snake in Grecian mythology, just know something got whitewashed, because the truth was really fucked up, made them look really bad & a black woman was there.

🧜🏾‍♀️ The black feminine is capable of more than you know.

Yes, mermaids/sirens/snakes & the mami watas can be scary at times but that’s what stepping into mysticism of deep waters is like. Water is capable of many things, it is one of the most powerful elements on earth. It can nourish you and kill you, and that’s the beauty of it really.

We should all be grateful the black feminine is so beautiful, fierce & scares the living daylights out of everyone.

You would be dead if it wasn’t.

#merwitch #black girl magic #mermaid #hoodoo #medusa #mami wata #libya #yemaya #la sirene #blackbloggers #Libya #trident #Poseidon #Athena #aphrodite #Venus #vodou #haitian vodou #olokun #orisha #african traditional religions #atr #dogon #greek mythology #black femininity #black women #black lesbian #matrichary #patriarchy #intersectional feminism

[zodiacrant]

💘Astro Notes💘

(All about Partners, Love, Marriage and Children, plus some Sex)

(These may or may not apply to you, please keep an open mind and take it as entertainment rather than life changing facts)

(This was highly requested so I took my time with it to gather as much information on romantic partners, children and possibly marriage)

A post by @4thouse to check the signs of your degrees

💘The degrees of Venus, the house our Venus resides in and the 7th house tells us alot about our perfect match or the “love of our life” if you will. (Ex. I have Gemini Venus in 25 degrees, so I am very attracted to Aries like people. My Venus is in the 5th house at 13 degrees, another Aries degree, which means I’ll meet this person in a social setting like a party, a club, a hangout, a show, a bar or a gathering. Finally, my 7th house at 3 degrees means I am very likely to be with another Gemini Venus.)

💘Moon Square Venus leaves a strain or a distance between the parent and their children.

💘Uranus in the 8th is very likely to be super chill about sex and might have no standards at all. They’re attracted to non conforming people.

💘The 4th and 10th house can give us an insight into how we act differently in a relationship. The 4th house is us in private, while the 10th in public. (Ex. Virgo 4th and Pisces 10th is like an “angel in streets and a devil in the sheets”.)

💘When it comes to sex, our 9th house tells us about our hookups and our stance on them. Having a Water or a Fire sign, Sun, Mars or Jupiter makes it easier for the person to “hit it and quit it”. While on the other hand, having an Earth or Air sign, Moon, Venus, or Saturn in the 9th makes it harder for the person to be fully open about one night stands. However, they’re very likely to have friends with benefits or a regular hookup buddy.

💘Although the 1st, 2nd, 7th and 8th have to do with the physical aspects of attraction and relationships but the 3rd and 6th is what people ultimately love us for. Our way of talking, interests, topics of discussion, humor, odd behaviors, and imperfections. They’re the things we try to hide or monitor to appear more appealing to people.

💘Chiron and the house it resides in is our baggage. The emotional landfill that comes with being in a relationship with you. The sign of the Chiron is what are we harboring and the house it resides in is about what. (Ex. I have Sagittarius Chiron in 10th house Scorpio. So my baggage is all about freedom, attachment, trust, communication and, thanks to the 10th, daddy issues. Yay!!)

💘Don’t hold too hard onto someone that has your Sun in their 12th. Their purpose is to teach you a karmic lesson.

💘Our Water houses tell us what will our kids inherit from us. 4th house is how we raise them, 8th our mental issues, habits and problems, 12th is what they will ultimately make out of it themselves and how will they end growing up to be.

💘Our first crushes and instant attractions have the sign of our Venus in their 1st, 2nd or 7th

💘People with Water in the 2nd would love a big wedding.

💘The degree of the Moon and Saturn, along with the houses they reside in give us insight to us as parents. (Ex. I have Moon in 0 degrees so I may never physically have a child of my own or if I do have a biological child, then I won’t have an emotional connection with them. It’s in 11th house at 13th degrees, which means being a parental figure or an inspiration rather than a conventional parent. Saturn in 7 degrees makes me diplomatic, fair and understanding when disciplining. I have Saturn in 3rd house at 18 degrees, making me either too tough or too easy on them.)

💘Aries in 7th house might be over it before it even starts.

💘Houses with Mutable signs tells you about your fetish and/or odd turn on’s. (Ex. Having a Mutable AS, 4th, 7th, 10th is very into daddy/mommy and boy/girl fantasy, Power dynamics, role play, rags to riches stories, boss and employee etc)

💘Adding on the previous point. That’s why people with reoccurring Mutable signs over the houses, having 6 at most, can be perceived as sexually adventurous and comfortable with their sexuality.

💘The degree of the 5th house can tell you about the sign of the person you’ll have your first child with.

💘Moon Trine MC is very likely to have children early on or yern for kids from a young age. (I am talking 18+ people, not kids)

💘Pluto and/or Uranus in 4th/5th/7th will despise the idea of marriage and having children. Uranus might look at it as a trap that will take away their freedom. They will likely agree to do it organically and naturally as they find someone they love and feel ready to settle. Pluto, however, that’ll be like turning the Earth upside down. Even when they get married and have children, they will always be their own priority. Pluto in this house requires them to transform and become content with themselves on the inside to be happy with the outside.

💘Venus conjunct Uranus and/or Neptune, as well as those who have it in th 9th, 11th or 12th are good with long distance relationships.

💘Venus Trine/Conjunct Jupiter are attractive to people. No matter how they look, act, talk, they could shit on your bed and people would still worship them.

💘Having your Sun in someone’s Moon and the other way around is complementary but not strong enough to form a true bond.

💘The degree of your 1st house will let you know how you should act to attract desired partners.

💘The degree of a Mother’s Saturn and Moon predicts their children’s Sun sign or dominant sign.

💘Lilith in the 5th may dreaded having kids or is not going to be happy with how they turned out.

💘Mutable Lilith in the 4th indicates losing family or leaving them behind. I find this to be also relevant to Mutable sign in the 4th but the presence of Lilith suggests it will happen negatively or out of need not want.

💘Gemini in the 7th is actually very picky about their partners.

💘Having an Earth sign over the 8th or the 8th in an Earth degree indicates marrying a rich person, because of the 8th house association with inheritance. (Or you could be the rich person in question.)

💘Because the 2nd house is the family life and home we were brought into, the 10th is the one we ultimately ended up creating. The sign over the 10th along with planets residing there (if there were) give us an insight of our future home life.

💘People with planets residing in the same houses have a longstanding relationship.

💘You’re very likely to date people with your Mars being their Sun and vice versa.

💘North Node in the 2nd, 5th, 7th or/and in Taurus, Leo or Libra will have a successful long lasting relationship. This will only come true if they work on turning from their South Node (past self) to the North Node (present self)

💘Libra and Cancer MC idea of success involves a romantic love story

💘Saturn and/or Neptune in 7th might stay in a relationship regardless of how horrible it gets. With Saturn, these relationships have a sense of familiarity and predictability, which gives them comfort. For Neptune, it’s the fear of never finding love, so they decide to stay with a bad certainty than a good maybe.

💘Pisces and Taurus Moons are prone to stick out a bad relationship. They will do everything until there’s nothing more to do.

💘Having opposing North Nodes could mean this person is your soulmate. (This doesn’t have to necessarily be romantic though)

💘It is stated that people with Uranus in 5th or the 7th will never truly settle.

(I hope enjoyed the post. I wanted to add what the 4th and 5th can tell us about marriage, kids and us as parents but because they’re 24 individual points then I’ll post them separately. Love you 💕)

#zodiacrant #zodiac #taurus #pisces #aries #libra #virgo #aquarius #sagittarius #cancer #leo #capricorn #gemini #scorpio #astrology #zodiac signs #signs #astro #astro notes #astrology notes #astro observations #astrology observations #love #zodiac and love

[thrillridesz]

heart racing ▫ j.yn

in part of the adrenaline rush! collab hosted by @lucas-wongs​ + @ickjun​

⇢ pairing: jaehyun x reader (f) (ft. other nct members + twice’s jeongyeon)

⇢ genre: fluff, angst, racer!au, best friends to lovers

⇢ warnings: swearing, mentions of cheating, mentions and consumption of alcohol, alcoholism, hitting rock bottom

⇢ synopsis: once a revered member of the racing industry, jaehyun has been living at rock bottom for the past few months following a tragic accident that effectively put him out of racing. it seems as though nothing would get through to him, not even you. will he ever break out of the constant loop of doubt and start seeing things for what they really are?

⇢ word count: 8.04k

⇢ fic playlist: get you to the moon - KinaBeats ft. Snøw | Amnesia - 5SOS | You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift | Confetti Falling - Big Time Rush | Go Season - Devin Bronson (highly recommended for the racing scene) | Love Story - Taylor Swift 

⇢ a/n : unedited! also posted on this account because I’m considering merging my nct account with my tbz writing blog also PLEASE check out the other writers’ works ^^ we’ve all worked hard on our fics

“Jaehyun, you’re ruining yourself.”

The dim room reeked of stale alcohol and something mouldy as the empty beer bottles that littered the floor clanged noisily against the surrounding furniture, leaking golden yellow liquid all over. Old, worn clothes were draped everywhere, stained and darkened with murky stains while the battered television flickered weakly to live, showing nothing but static. The walls were streaked and striated with scratches, as if someone had just been clawing desperately at them and on the floor amidst the empty glass bottles, were pieces of scrap poster paper. Sunlight peeks in through the drawn blinds, giving a teasing glimpse to the bustling outside world from the sad, decrepit apartment Jaehyun lived in.

Sprawled on the couch with nothing on except a wrinkled pair of jeans, Jaehyun’s eyes were devoid of emotion - blank and dazelike. In his hand, his fingers held on limply to the neck of yet another bottle of beer, possibly his nth for the day. His usually shiny hazel brown hair was greasy with filth and his bare chest was sticky with sweat from being cooped up all day in this tiny, stuffy apartment of his. His jawline was starting to grow a hint of stubble given how much he’d completely let himself go and dark circles were appearing underneath those intense eyes of his.

Slowly, Jaehyun lifted his gaze from the floor to look at you, the first flicker of emotions that he’d ever displayed in the whole day. You stood before him, arms akimbo, your gaze sharp and piercing. He smiled, a smile that held no mirth or happiness.

“Oh, you’re still here.”

You shook your head, ripping the bottle of beer from his grasp. As you approached, the bottles, clothes and torn pieces of paper on the ground almost made you trip and you tutted under your breath.

“Of course I am. I’m your best friend who is somehow still here with you. Best friends help each other.”

He chuckled nonchalantly, waving his hand at the door. “Well, feel free to leave then. I don’t need your help.” His eyes held a hint of anger as he did, something that did not escape your notice.

“Jaehyun,” you said softly, placing the bottle on a nearby table as you dread what was to come next. “Please, not this again.”

Your words only served to fuel the fiery spark of anger in his eyes as he said in a barely controlled tone, the irritation radiating from him in ripples that threatened to evolve into waves, “Why not? I’m a fucking wreck and a loser anyways. Leave like everyone else did. Leave like…” His voice wobbled, “leave like Jeongyeon did.”

Your heart fell and it took almost a godlike willpower not to let your emotions show. Was he still thinking about her?

“Jaehyun-”

“What? Are you gonna say I’m not a loser like you always do? Cut the fucking lies. Everyone out there is saying the same thing, what makes you think you can convince me that you’re not thinking it either? Hm?” He spat, the drowsiness in his demeanour dissipating fast as red hot anger replaced it. There was so much internal frustration within Jaehyun that just seeing him like this was enough to break your heart. It was one thing to see him in this terrible state but it was quite another to see him directing his anger towards you.

You drew in a deep breath, trying to calm your pounding heart and to stop the tears that pricked at the corner of your eyes. Having been there with him every step of the year ever since the both of you were children playing and horsing around the neighbourhood, you found yourself desperately missing those much simpler times and wondering how things became so wrong.

For as long as you could remember, Jaehyun had always been interested and had a natural flair for racing. There always existed a competitive streak in him that thrived off a challenge. It didn’t matter what it was, as long as it was a game that could have a clear winner or incited competitiveness, he was all up for it. As kids, the two of you used to compete over everything, be it for the last popsicle in the convenience store down the street or past the gates of your school. It was as if racing was something he needed in order to live. It wasn’t until sophomore year of high school did Jaehyun decide to take his love for racing to a professional level. He began to dive deep into the motorsport industry, starting out as a mere rookie in auto racing. He never did apply to college, preferring instead to invest all his time into his newfound life career.

His rise to fame was quick, quicker than most. Within his first year, he had won a number of races, beating even some of the well known names in the sport. Every other month, he was winning trophies and exorbitant cash prizes which in return earned him the recognition of famous sponsors and racers. Bumper stickers from the various sponsors decorated the back of his ride and it was no time at all before Jaehyun began to don some of the most expensive sports gear on the tracks. With his smouldering good looks, he also appeared on the front pages of magazines and newspapers, all while attracting a loyal fanbase made up of both racing enthusiasts and adoring admirers.

To everyone else, he was the suave, handsome and effortlessly cool young racer who was practically born to race and to do it well but to you, he was your childhood friend… and your first love. In front of the flashing lights and cameras, Jaehyun knew his way around the crowd. He knew exactly when to flash one of his dazzling, dimpled smiles and how to work the crowd - it was just one of his innate charms. Yet, you knew that underneath that, that flashy, extravagant Jaehyun, was the Jaehyun you grew up with and had gradually fallen in love with.

As children, he was there for you whenever you needed him, always ready to lend a helping hand when he noticed that you were stuck in an unfavourable situation. You distinctly remember what had happened in second grade. It was a bright and warm summer’s day, the lovely scent of sweet peas floating in the air as the sun bore down on the earth. Pigeons flitted over the sidewalks, pecking at the cemented floor and the leaves of the oak trees that lined the streets rustled gently in the wind.

You fell with a loud and heavy thud on your bottom, feeling the leaves crunch noisily under your weight. Fear and trepidation coursed through your veins as you stared with eyes wide at your tormentors.

“Look at her, she looks pathetic. Do it, Johnny! Do it!”

A tall, hunkering boy flanked by his cronies stood over you, his dark, massive shadow engulfing you as you frantically scrambled backwards. Tears were beginning to stream down your face and a sharp pain shot up your spine with each move, owing to the impact of the fall. There were scratches on your hands as you dragged your palms over the rough gravel in an attempt to move away.

There was a malicious glint in Johnny’s eyes and his lips were curved into a devious smirk as he stared down at you, domineering and intimidating. The veins in his arms and hands were bulging angrily and as he clenched his fists, you felt your stomach sink. Your legs began to feel like jelly and your vision was beginning to blur from all the salty tears. You were struck with fear and the sense of helplessness you felt made you feel both ashamed and furious at yourself yet there was nothing you could do.

You held your hand up to shield yourself from the impending attack as the bully lifted up his fist.

“Hey! How about you pick on someone your own size?!”

The group of you turned to see Jaehyun, eyes blazing with anger as his chest heaved. His wind-swept hair hung over his eyes, a surefire sign that he’d run over and his cheeks were red from exertion. Even from afar, he was clearly no match to Johnny’s larger build, much less the whole lot of them.

“J-Jaehyun?” You spluttered, shocked.

“Who is this clown- Ow!” Johnny stumbled backwards as a rock pebble hit him on the head, promptly ricocheting off his forehead and bouncing onto the ground. His jaw was clenched in pain and when he removed his palm, a reddish bruise had blossomed and there was even a faint trace of blood. There was a split second of stunned silence before Johnny turned almost magenta with rage.

“GET HIM!” He roared and his cronies shook out of their daze, immediately going after Jaehyun who’d already ran a good distance before the reality of what had just happened set in. His mocking laugh rang through the afternoon amidst a cackle of profanities and threats yelled at him.

It was a laugh that remained in your memories all these years. It was a laugh that strengthened you, a laugh that spoke so much of willful courage and youthful rebellion which was everything you’d eventually come to associate with Jaehyun. That laugh was bright and so… him.

Yet now, you could see none of that playful mischief and vibrancy in those eyes. All that is left is emptiness.

“You’re not a loser, Jaehyun,” you began softly, “you never were in my eyes. You were a fighter.”

Those beautiful eyes you adored so much narrowed at you, his face twisted into a scowl.

“A fighter? Guess what, y/n?” He sneered, his voice dripping with venom. “I fought. I fought endlessly but did that work out for me? I threw in everything I could, every little thing. I worked hard and put in a hundred and one percent of my effort.”

You stared at him, your heart aching for him as a single tear began to roll down his cheek, tears of anger, indignation and pain.

“But did that work out? No, it didn’t. If anything, it left me a wreck. People out there call me a loser, a has-been and even my girlfriend has left me. It doesn’t matter how much effort I put in, how much I fought because at the end of the day, everyone is only here because of what they think I am. They saw me as a champion, an up and coming and the moment I wasn’t anymore, they all dropped me in a heartbeat. What are you waiting for, y/n? Why the hell are you even still here?”

His words echoed through the empty apartment and out loud, it sounded bleak, harsh and biting. His anguished voice tore at your heart and as each word left those lips, it felt like your heart was slowly breaking apart. Neither of you said anything for a moment, locked in a silent, unspoken fight as he held your gaze steadily. His eyes were cold and there was the look of a broken man in them.

“I am here because I love you, Jaehyun,” you said finally, your voice quivering. “I don’t care who or what you are and it pains me to see you tear yourself down like this because I know you are not the loser you believe you are. I don’t know how much of this I can take, seeing you ruin yourself.”

You can see the slight softening in his eyes and you gritted your teeth.

“I’m going to go. I don’t know when I’ll be back. I can’t see you ruin yourself and be able to do nothing about it. I’m not strong enough for that.”

With that, you left the apartment before he could see the tears in your eyes.

The miserable, empty can of beer clattered loudly against the hardwood floor, the sound echoing through the dank apartment.

Jaehyun barely lifted an eyebrow, his fingers growing slack without him even knowing. He stared up at the dark ceiling, a hooded look in those once bright eyes. The stench that hung around him was growing more intense by the day and it was reaching a point whereby he could almost smell himself but there was nothing in him that seemed to care.

Sounds of active civilisation outside drifted in through the windows and occasionally, he’d hear the honking of angry drivers on the roads or the laughter of children playing at the playground at the courtyard below. Normally, he loved waking up to these sounds or at least when he wasn’t off to the race tracks, when he was relaxing with a book in his hands. Now however, he found them irksome, irritating and he wanted nothing more but to block them out. He wanted absolutely zero reminder of the world outside.

Grunting, Jaehyun dragged himself off the couch. As he trudged heavily back to his room where his comfortable bed beckoned to him, he turned to stare at the large, imposing front door where moments ago, you’d slammed shut as you left him to his own devices.

Guilt tugged at his heart and for a split second, Jaehyun contemplated running after you. When you left, there was an indescribable sense of hollowness that engulfed him in a way that he couldn’t quite understand or explain. The apartment was filthy, dark and small but somehow with you around just a few minutes ago, it felt just a little bigger, a little warmer. As much as he hated to admit it, his heart was calling to him to reach out to you, run after you. The crumpled look on your face haunted him but he shook the thought from his mind.

It would be better if you left him. If you knew what was good for you, you would.

The anger in him was beginning to resurface at the thought of everything that had happened over the past few months. His career plummeting on a downward spiral right after his recovery, the exact opposite of what was predicted by his agent.

He was born to race, his family and his friends had always told him so. He knew it himself, he could feel it in his blood, his bones, his spirit. Ever since he was little, Jaehyun had known that his career would have something to do one way or another with racing. As a child, he loved running, competing but most of all, he loved riding in his father’s pickup truck on the way to school. He loved the way the vehicle would zoom past the streets, overtaking other vehicles and he loved the feeling of the wind against his face. He loved the speed and everything about cars or racing. It felt natural for him to pursue a career in competitive racing and a natural he was.

After getting signed with a racing company, Jaehyun quickly rose to fame with his numerous championships, bagging trophies, medals and cash prizes in almost every event he participated in. Sports magazines and reporters would clamour over each other to score an interview with him. People wanted pictures with him, wanted him to sign an autograph for them.

He was the golden boy in the racing world, an untouchable.

In the racing world, everything goes a mile a minute and nothing waits for anyone. After the morbid crash at the June Tokyo Prix, Jaehyun had sustained several fractures to his ribs and a severe concussion that left him in the hospital’s intensive care unit bedridden for several months. The pain was unlike any other and every single move hurt immensely but what suffered more damage than he did was his career and his relationships.

Within months, the racing career he had so painstakingly built up for himself collapsed before him. Due to long inactivity, brands and sponsors began to drop him, slowly at first then steadily one by one. He was also constantly under the media’s scrutiny for a period of time, their cameras and microphones thrusted in his face while he lay helpless on the hospital bed. The bright flashes blinded him and the loud noises made his head pound and even now, he still remembered how that experience was like, shuddering every time it crossed his mind. It had taken Jaehyun countless hours of physical therapy before he could even think of racing competitively again.

Yet when he did, he quickly realised he never could revert back to his old self, the one who got off on adrenaline kicks while zooming along the tracks at breakneck speed, the one who only knew what it was like to win. He was slower, less coordinated. His body could no longer take the pressure racing would subject it too, or at least not quickly enough for him to make a full, stunning comeback.

The tabloids and news had run wild with his fall from grace, writing up horrible, demeaning articles about him. His rivals had mocked him to his face and he could even sense the visible disappointment from his fans emanating from the stands whenever he’d lost yet another race. The thing that really broke the camel’s back however, was when his girlfriend Jeongyeon initiated a breakup.

Jaehyun had hoped that things would turn for the better, never one to give up. He’d trained tirelessly everyday, pushing his brittle body to the limit. He never let up on himself, gritting his teeth through all the physical and mental pressure he had imposed on himself. When the final text was sent, Jaehyun could remember distinctly how hopeless and distraught he’d felt. It felt like his world, the empire he had so painfully and relentlessly crafted for himself from scratch was breaking bit by bit. To add salt to the wound, the next time he’d seen her on television, her body was plastered against his biggest rival, Yuta. Her arms were wrapped around his and her lips pressing against his cheeks with no shame whatsoever for the interviewer interviewing him, no sign of the girl who’d once told him that she loved him with all her heart.

What was once determination and naive hopefulness soon devolved into anger and resentment. Jaehyun began to let himself go and the change was drastic. Where there once existed a time whereby he’d rise from his slumber early to visit the gym, he now regularly slept well into the late afternoon. His diet began to consist largely of takeout, junk food and alcohol and his apartment got more and more cluttered by the day. He’d stopped contacting his friends and family, ignoring their calls and texts, preferring to fester in his own solitude. It wasn’t long before an odour had started to emit from his place, a nauseating mixture of stale pizza, beer and pure filth from the lack of showers.

His appearance was also no longer polished, but rather haggard as if he’d aged five years in a matter of months. He was beginning to lose his fit stature, the healthy glow he’d once been prized on by magazines and gossip columns dimming. It got to a point whereby Jaehyun had begun to avoid looking at his hideous reflection in the mirror, his self-hatred growing with each day.

A poster of him in his racing gear and his race car was tattered and wrinkled on the floor, stained with ketchup and soda. Staring at it blankly with eyes empty of any emotions whatsoever, Jaehyun swiped it up and in a swift moment, he tore it up with a large rip before trashing it somewhere on the floor.

Flopping onto his comforter, he almost moaned in pleasure as he sunk into the soft sheets. Reaching for the air conditioning control, a loud smack on the ground roused him from his hedonistic haze. His hair was sticking up in all directions as he peered over the edge of his bed to see a picture frame that had fallen from his night stand.

Holding it in his hands, he looked at it with a nonchalant air.

It was a picture of the both of you a few years ago, back when he was just kick starting his racing career. He hadn’t yet made a name for himself then as the two of you leaned in for the picture.

You had on a bright, illuminating beam on your face, your eyes alive and glittering with happiness. Your hair was down, wisps of it framing your face as the sun brought out the colour and shine of it. Next to him, you’d completely dwarfed in comparison. He had his arm around you, bringing you to his side and from the picture, Jaehyun could feel a smile begin to crack on his face at the comical height difference.

He’d looked completely at ease here, carefree with the recklessness and restlessness of the soul beneath shining through his dark eyes. His hair was wavy, styled down in that ridiculous fashion he wanted so badly to leave back in high school. He had worn a dimpled smile on his face, the look of someone who knew he was destined for greatness and believed in it.

Jaehyun was about to put the picture down when something caught his eye. He leaned in closer.

There was something about you. At first glance, it would have been clear that you were smiling for the camera but upon closer look, it looked as if you might be smiling at him instead. Your smile was softer, eyes gentler from the first time he’d seen the picture. It was the sort of smile that struck him in his heart, the kind of smile that would make its recipient feel loved, appreciated.

“I want to be a racer when I grow up.”

You turned to Jaehyun, eyes wide as saucers as you popped the ice popsicle out of your mouth.

“Why?”

He shrugged, still struggling with the wrapper of the popsicle. The two of you sat on the wooden bench, side by side as the other kids ran around the park, playing rounds of tag while their parents or babysitters sat watching over them. The sun was glaring down on the earth and though it was a great day to go out to play and sweat it out, it was also a perfect day to find an excuse to buy popsicles with what little pocket money your parents had given to you two. It wasn’t an opportunity to be missed.

“I really like racing. I don’t know if there’s anything else I’d want to be,” he said simply, grinning as he finally succeeded in breaking open the plastic.

You tried to hide the blush that was beginning to creep up to your cheeks, looking away from him.

“My mom says being a doctor is good.”

As soon as you said it, you immediately regretted your words. Jaehyun scrunched up his nose in disgust.

“No way! It’s so boring. Do you want to be a doctor?”

Quickly, you shook your head fervently. “No!”

“Then what do you want to be?” He asks curiously, sucking on his popsicle.

You are quiet for a while as you ponder over his question. What exactly do you want to be when you grow up?

“...A writer.” You said finally and he swiveled around to look at you, clearly not expecting your answer.

“A writer? Hm, why?”

“I just really like reading. I want to write interesting stories that people will like,” you take a tentative lick of your popsicle, the icy, sweet taste of apple flavouring coating your tongue, “Like fairytales!”

Jaehyun broods over your answer, seemingly deep in thought. For a moment, neither of you say another word as you sit together under the warm, sunny day, enjoying your popsicles.

“I want people to like me too.” He says suddenly, his eyes shining. “People will like my racing! I’m going to be a racer and people will like me to win!”

He hops to his feet, his popsicle raised as he made his declaration. There is a triumphant, toothy smile on his face and he says it with so much hope and gusto that you can’t help but feel drawn to his driven spirit. For a boy of five foot, there was a lot of motivation and energy in him and there was just something about him that got you transfixed.

Under the sunlight, his smile seemed almost blindingly bright with the shadows highlighting the charming dimples on those round cheeks. The butterflies in your stomach were going crazy and your heart began to pound. Your words seemed stuck in your throat and you choked out, “I t-think you’ll make a good racer, J-Jaehyun.”

You thought your heart might burst as his smile grew wider, his dimples making deeper indentations. It felt like the sun might just be a little too hot since your face felt like it was positively flaming.

“Thank you, y/n.”

Suddenly, something caught your eye and shakily, you pointed at him.

His smile dropped as his eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

“What?”

“Y-your popsicle is m-m-melting… down your a-arm.”

The elevator button made an uncharacteristic squeaking sound as Jaehyun jabbed repeatedly at it, his jaw clenched in impatience.

“Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up,” he muttered frantically under his breath, pacing the lift lobby. The red letters above the elevator were moving at a snail’s pace and it seemed as if it’s stopped to pick up some passengers on the 5th floor. How long does it take for people to move into an elevator?

Jaehyun groaned in annoyance as he watched the number on the display crawl up slowly.

This wouldn’t do. By the time it’s here, it would be too late.

Immediately, he sprinted for the stairs instead, his heart hammering against his chest.

There was great fanfare as the rowdy crowd erupted into raucous cheers, the large, industrial sized party poppers going off with a bang, covering everyone in glitter streamers and confetti. Cameras were flashing and clicking away at every corner while throngs of sports reporters flooded the holding area, all trying to reach the champions for their coveted exclusive interviews. Agents and pit crews were all celebrating with the sound of champagne bottles popping and yells and cheers of congratulations ringing through the air.

Jaehyun stood at the top of the podium, shooting the cameras his trademark stunning grin as he posed with his golden trophy that looked to be about the size of his torso. The racing suit he was wearing was uncomfortably hot and he wanted nothing more than to strip from it but the adrenaline and euphoria he was experiencing far surpassed any feelings of discomfort.

This was it, the taste of success. It was everything he lived for, raced for. This was why he always trained so hard, from dawn to dusk. This was why he put his own body through all those hours of endurance training, gym and dieting. It was all for this single moment of true bliss enjoyed and savoured after the extreme thrill of racing. Here on the podium, towering above everyone else… He was truly where he needed to be, where he was born to be.

As he stepped off and the bodyguards swarmed in to escort him to his own holding room, Jaehyun couldn’t wipe the grin off his face. Yet another trophy for display on his shelf back in his apartment. He didn’t think he’d ever get sick of it, the feeling of winning but then again who would?

Reporters were attempting to accost him at all sides, all screaming out the same old questions he had grown tired of early on.

“How do you feel after winning the prix for the third year running?”

“You hit a record timing today! How did you train for the race?”

“What do you have to say to your rival, Nakamoto who came in second this year? By a mere few seconds at that!”

Jaehyun nodded and waved at a few of them, still wearing a smile on his face but there was no answer evoked from him. He’d kept up a calm and cool demeanour throughout but once he was in his holding room alone, the moment the door closed shut behind him, he let out a loud, jubilant howl.

“Fuck yes!” He roared out in happiness before collapsing onto the couch, laughing to himself as he held his trophy above him. He badly needed a shower but he couldn’t care less, not with the trophy in his hands. Under the light, the gold shone and even as a seasoned racer, the excitement and happiness from winning never grew old. In the empty room, the victory felt even more profound, the reality of claiming the championships for yet another year sinking in.

He was in the middle of celebrating and basking in his own victory, he received a text.

Jy: how’s my man doing? congratulations on the win honey ❤️

Jae: thanks babe, it feels fucking amazing. you have no idea… also i missed you so much

Jy: we should celebrate. together, alone. tonight at my place? ;) we haven’t done it in awhile, i miss your body, your kisses

Jaehyun stared at the text. He should be happy, excited to see Jeongyeon again after so long. He had been so preoccupied with training for the big race that he’d barely had any time for her. He had missed her yet now that they were finally exchanging texts again after so long apart, he didn’t seem to feel the same anticipation.

There was something about that text she sent that seemed weirdly… detached. He had imagined their first interaction in over a month to be one that warmed him up in the inside, brought him to a whole new level of euphoria even after winning but if anything, this reality paled in comparison to the scenario he had looked forward to in his mind.

Jae: yeah sure

After pressing send, he tossed his phone onto the coffee table and rested his head against the velvety cushion of the couch. Somehow, that very short exchange with Jeongyeon had dimmed his excitement and readiness to celebrate.

His phone suddenly rang, disrupting him from the reverie he’d found himself in.

“Must be Jeongyeon,” he thought to himself and for some reasons as he swiped to answer the call, he found himself reluctant to talk.

“Hello?”

“Jung Jaehyun! I was watching your race on television, congratulations for coming in first yet again! You were terrific out there.”

Y/n.

Jaehyun smiled, feeling his heart swell at your words.

“Thanks, y/n. I really appreciate it.”

“How about we meet for dinner tonight? I know of this amazing Italian place that serves the best lasagna, your favourite! My treat too to celebrate your win, how’s that?”

At the mention of lasagna, Jaehyun could feel his stomach rumbling and his mouth watering. The tangy tomato sauce, copious amounts of cheese and spiced minced beef with soft pasta… He would absolutely be down for some well-deserved lasagna after weeks of feasting on plain, watery salads. Dinner sounded like a great idea.

“Sure, I- Wait, I can’t,” he groaned, suddenly remembering his plans with Jeongyeon. Plans he didn’t even particularly look forward to.

“Why not?” You asked.

“I um…”

Fuck, why is it so hard to say it?

“I have plans with Jeongyeon tonight,” he said, ignoring the strange pang of guilt and indignation that hit him square in the chest.

“Oh! Oh, uh… That’s completely fine. Don’t worry about it, we can always have dinner some other day.”

“Really? That would be great! How does next week sound?”

“Sounds good to me!” Even on call, he could imagine you bobbing your head enthusiastically like you usually did and that brought a chuckle out of him.

“Alright, I’ll see you then y/n.”

“See you! Please rest well, you deserve it.”

“Thank you,” he replied before hanging up.

What is this warm feeling in him?

Jaehyun raced out of the apartment complex, his eyes searching his surroundings.

The sun was glaring and he couldn’t see straight without squinting his eyes. He must have been a weird sight to behold - scruffy, pale from the lack of the outdoors and reeking of the garbage piled up in his apartment. An elderly woman walking past him tutted disapprovingly at his disheveled appearance, holding her nose as she did but Jaehyun didn’t seem to notice her. His mind was on something else, something more important.

A boy from across the street was staring at him with his mouth agape, looking like a deer caught in headlights as he shakily fumbled in his pockets for his phone. Jaehyun let his sights linger on him, wondering if he should have at least thrown on a coat but as he turned, he caught sight of a figure hanging by the bus stop, looking miserable.

He swallowed thickly, feeling the slight clench of his heart and without hesitating a single second longer, he made his way over.

The heart monitor’s methodical beating was driving him near insanity. If not that, then certainly the suffocating atmosphere of the hospital and the bandages wrapped tightly around almost every single inch of his body would. Not to mention the occasional undercover paparazzi who would try to inch their way into his ward.

Jaehyun stared up at the white ceilings, still as a plank. Every part of his body hurt to move, he couldn’t even turn his head without feeling a painful pounding in it. Sometimes, he would get dizzy spells so intense he actually felt nauseous. His appetite for food or anything in general had since plummeted. Everything, but racing.

He yearned to go out there onto the tracks, to resume his training. The Roman Prix is coming up in a month’s time and he was so far from ready. He needed to get out of this place as soon as possible, even if it meant jeopardising his own safety. His career mattered more than anything.

Jeongyeon hadn’t called either since the day he got admitted. Jaehyun had soon grown tired of checking his messages or asking his publicist for news from her, the feeling of disappointment felt deep within him. He closed his eyes, suddenly feeling a wave of fatigue wash over him.

There was a gentle knock on the door and as the door creaked slightly open, you poked your head in. Upon seeing him, you smiled softly and made your way over to him. Jaehyun watched you approach, his eyes following you.

You had brought along a basket with you, seemingly full of items. As much as he wanted to know what you’d brought, he tried not to look overeager. “I made you something special today,” you said, settling down and practically vibrating with excitement.

“What?”

“Tomato minestrone soup!” You exclaimed, uncovering the lid as the tantalising aroma of tomatoes and a medley of vegetables drifted in the air. Jaehyun almost had to restrain himself from moving, lest he shift a bone out of place somewhere.

Somehow seeing you had sparked a certain kind of joy in him. Maybe it was a sign nobody had really forgotten about him yet. He had watched his number of visitors trickle down day by day and now that it was close to a month since he’d been hospitalised, after the tragic accident, he barely got any. Perhaps three or four a week if he was lucky.

You, however, you were different. You visited him almost every other day, no matter how busy you were. You visited his bedside even if you were worn out from a long day of work, even when you had things to attend to, even when no one else bothered to. You would bring along snacks whenever you did or homemade get-well food like fish porridge or chicken noodle soup you’d whipped up yourself, though they might be far from the usual gourmet fare he was used to back when he was still active when he would go for exquisite dinner parties. Usually, you stayed for a substantial amount of time and sometimes, you even stayed the night.

Jaehyun didn’t understand why you would do all of this for a friend, a friend who never seemed to have time to spare for you at that. More than anything, the feeling of guilt in him only grew stronger with each visit yet he was grateful, extremely grateful. Your presence was like a warm ray of sunshine in this dreary hospital ward. Whenever you visited, he couldn’t help but smile even though he could not find it in himself to smile. But when it came to you, it felt natural.

“Y/n!”

At the sound of Jaehyun’s voice, you turned and even from afar, he could see your reddened eyes - a surefire sign you’d been crying. Guilt and anger washed over him in waves and he tried not to think how many times he had been the cause of your tears. If only he could turn back time, he would have shook himself for ever dismissing you so lightly like he did, before he saw the situation for what it was.

He was blinded. Blinded by his obsession for winning, fame, glory and pleasing the wrong people. In a way, it felt like a fog had been lifted before him and now that he could see, think, feel clearly… He wasn’t going to let the right person out of his grasp. The person who loved him unconditionally, not just for his fame and achievements. The person who stuck with him through thick and thin but he was just too daft to notice it. The person who always felt like home whether he knew it or not.

You.

“Jaehyun? W-What are you…” You spluttered, desperately trying to wipe your tears from your face as you stared up at him.

It took a couple of seconds for him to regain his breath, his face turning red from embarrassment and exertion. He should really start leaving those beers and junk food alone.

“I…” He panted, both out of fatigue and relief, “We need to talk.”

“Jung is getting closer, any minute now Hendery!”

“I don’t believe this! Are we looking at a potential comeback for this prix? Push, push, push!”

“It seems like we might be! Here he comes! He is absolutely mad!”

The nascars zipped along the race tracks, smoke and some bits of burnt rubber and chipped metal trailing along its wake. They were a blur of colours to the spectators, who were practically glued to their seats as they watched the race reach its climax. A massive telescreen was displaying close ups and the ranking board with huge overhead lights that illuminated the stadium. The crowd was growing wilder by the second as the racecars zoomed past them, their attention fixed on one racer in particular.

The sleek nascar was streaked in royal blue and crimson red over a metallic black base, looking almost purple and black with how fast it was flying across the tracks. The wheels were spinning so fast that the friction between the tough rubber tire and the rough granite almost lit up the tracks. It was charging forward with a steely determination and ruthlessness, closing in rapidly on a green and white nascar ahead of it.

The adrenaline coursing Jaehyun’s veins was unlike any other. The thrill he got from racing could practically send him into an all time high and a cunning grin tugged at his lips as he stepped his foot down hard on the pedal, his hands gripping tightly onto his steering wheel. Rounding around a bend, he clenched his jaw as he pushed his body weight to the left, the muscles in his abdominals and biceps flexing and straining against his racing suit as the car drifted across the tracks in a perfect arc.

“Did you see that perfectly executed drift?! Insanity!”

“Jung is absolutely on fire!”

The thunderous cheers of the crowd and the loud hum of the race cars racing across the tracks faded into the background as he kept his eyes trained steadily forward. Any time now…

“Watch out, Nakamoto,” he whispered under his breath.

Steering his wheel sharply and accelerating much to the crowd’s excitement and trepidation, his race car was now driving side by side along Yuta’s. For a split second, the two turned to look at each other through the window and even though there was no way of seeing the other’s face through that helmet, something in Jaehyun told him that his rival was angered, shocked and… Fearful.

Jaehyun grinned beneath his helmet and without a second thought, he zipped forward, leaving Yuta behind in the smoke.

“He’s going for it, he’s going for it… Wait for it… And he crosses the line! The legend has reclaimed his spot on the top!”

“And that is how you execute one of the greatest comebacks of all time, ladies and gentlemen. Jung has done what we believed to be impossible and dominated the race! I wonder how Nakamoto feels about that?”

The other commentator chuckles into his microphone.

“Well Haechan, if I were him, I’d be pissed off for sure! But I’d also be worried… So very worried.”

The crowd was absolutely wild when he’d disembarked from the car and as he removed his helmet, he was greeted with camera flashes all around him. He shook his head, running a gloved hand over his hair and he took a deep breath. The air smelled of burnt rubber, smoke and… Success.

He had done it. He had made his comeback.

His pit crew made a beeline for him, slapping him on the back, their faces jubilant and lit with pure joy. His new manager, one that he trusted and helped him inch his way back to the top step by step, shot him a thumbs up which he nodded in acknowledgement as the crowd of sports journalists, reporters and photographers began to swarm in on him.

Yet, he paid them no attention. If this was three years ago, he would have basked in the glory, the attention but now he had greater concerns on his mind. His heart was pounding now for a different reason altogether and he could feel his hands growing clammy.

Jaehyun craned his neck and searched the rowdy media crowd. Where were you?

“Jaehyun!”

At your voice, he turned and immediately almost stumbled backwards as you crashed into him for a hug. The feelings of you against him sparked a joy in his heart, a joy almost greater than winning. He enveloped you in a hug, holding your waist as he nuzzled his face into your hair. Your scent of honey and jasmine was intoxicating, alluring and a welcomed change from the smell of smoke and rubble.

The two of you had been dating for about two years now, each day together better than the previous. After he’d caught up with you that day, it was as if you were seeing a different Jaehyun from the one you’d seen in his apartment. That Jaehyun who had caught up with you at the bus stop was the old Jaehyun you’d missed and it was as if a switch somewhere had been flipped. To this day, he had never admitted what changed while you were gone for those few minutes. He had subsequently apologised for everything he’d done, even things you didn’t see a problem with. It was shocking to say the least to see the unapologetic Jaehyun apologise for anything at all, but not more shocking than what entailed a few days later.

It started with a vase of luscious red roses being sent to your workplace followed by an invitation for dinner. Before you knew it, the boy you’d loved almost all your life was courting you with a passion. It felt like a complete dream, so much so you had been afraid to wake up suddenly and realise it was all just your imagination. He’d been more of a romantic than he’d let on and many times, you had found yourself completely smitten by his stunts that stretched from learning how to make homemade chocolates for you on Valentine’s Day knowing that you liked them, even though he was well known as a terrible cook to sending flowers up to your doorstep every other week.

Within a couple of months, the two of you were dating and deeply, wildly in love.

Amidst date nights filled with laughter and kisses, he had also been steadily climbing his way back up the ranks of the racing world. After ditching his unhealthy lifestyle he had been living for the past year, the change was apparent. He’d started hitting the gym, eating healthier and before long, he was in prime condition to start racing again. Training was long and tough but he never did give up. He was more determined and driven than you’d seen him and though the old Jaehyun would have been gutted at a loss, this new, better version of him never fussed over a loss of any kind, instead learning from his mistakes.

All of his efforts had led to this ultimate moment, the taste of victory on his lips.

You noticed he had been shifting uncomfortably and you looked up, puzzled and concerned.

“Jaehyun? You okay?”

He looked at you, his ears red, a sign that he was anxious, nervous.

“Jaehyun? What-”

Your words got stuck in your throat as he knelt down on one knee, the lights overhead bringing out the sparkle in his eyes and the shine in his hair. Those dark orbs were so full of hope, anxiety and love all intermingled in one and you found it difficult to believe that those eyes were looking at you directly, the emotions in them all for you.

Jaehyun withdrew a tiny, velvet box from his pocket and popped it open. In the box, was a tiny diamond ring, glittering and absolutely regal. The diamond itself was beautifully cut and interwoven into the metal band with microfibres of white gold and it simply shone as the camera flashes went off. The crowd was going bonkers, screaming and cheering with wolf whistles.

“Y/n,” he spoke softly, his voice gentle. “You have always been there for me, always been my better half. We have been friends for over a decade and lovers for merely two but it seemed as if we always were meant for each other. It took me so long to realise that and there is not a day I don’t regret not realising it sooner. You are my everything - my past, present and future. Falling in love with you was gradual, unconscious. I guess my heart knew you the one before I even did. It started with me being in a dark, dark place where I drowned in my own self-hatred and insecurities. I was beaten, defeated and I just gave up. Where everyone did the same, you never did. You were like a beam of shining light, shining upon me and guiding me even if I didn’t notice it at the time. But when I did, you glowed even more brightly than I’d envisioned. I’d been oblivious to your beauty both inside and outside for far too long and god knows how much I fucking regret it. I’m different now though, because of you. I am the best version of myself right now because I have you in my life. You taught me how to love, allow myself to be loved. There’s no universe whereby I’d want to be without you. I can’t see myself without you in my life. I need you, I love you.”

Tears were beginning to stream down your face and the stadium had grown quieter, all tuning into what was happening.

Jaehyun looked up at you, hopeful and so full of love that you thought your heart might burst.

“So I guess what I’m saying is, will you marry me, y/n?” He asked breathlessly.

#kpopscape #kpopcatalog #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct jaehyun #nct x reader #nct 127 jaehyun #jung jaehyun #jung yoonoh #nct fics #nct oneshots #jaehyun x reader #jaehyun fluff #nct fluff #nct angst #nct jaehyun imagines #nct jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun oneshots #jaehyun fics #jaehyun imagines #nct 127 imagines #nct 127 scenarios #nct 127 oneshots

[animefreak1145]

The Brilliance of Break On Through

Call of Duty: Black Ops Cold War Mission Break on Through—An Analysis

I have replayed the campaign of COD:BOCW numerous times—too many times truly. Did a whole playthrough where it was Hardened and soon I’m sure I shall do Veteran(something I have never done for any COD game. Not even Hardened.).

All missions have their own unique qualities—parts where the player gets a little rush of adrenaline depending on the kind of mission and how they choose to play it (Nowhere Left to Run just a plain shooting match while Brick in the Wall you can choose to remain stealthy like the good spy you are or go crazy like an eager homicidal maniac).

Even within the safehouse, there are plenty of little details to discover if you take the time to look around and observe everyone. Or, everything. (The radio if turned to a Russian station/correspondence, Adler changes it back immediately before Da Nang mission. Watching Park’s body language, as you talk to Adler and she periodically looks over to you two. Adler suspicious when you go to the Red Room or the locked room with the arcade. The T.V. being turned on in the Red Room)

But the amount of details, details, in the mission Break on Through is outstanding. I have played this mission more than any other due to me wishing to look at all the details. There’s so many, I think I may miss some. And I can’t show them off all to you cause I suck at creating gifs and don’t know how to transfer that from Xbox to my phone.

To lighten it up a bit, I won’t focus on the four different scenarios you go through—at least not each one. That would take too long and I do not have gifs/pics to show it off since Tumblr limits it to ten anyways.

I will, however, try to guide to what parts of the game you all can explore if you choose to do so. As well just how detailed they did this mission.

I am going to start with the different statements Adler says to you throughout all the Scenarios(17, 6, 11, 1). We only go through four in the actual game—but the fact it goes up to 17 or possibly more shows just how far they went in and messed with Bell’s mind.

Now, Adler seems to be a bit bipolar on how he talks to you whether or not you listen to him and all his directions. Either totally blasé and cold to giving you and pumping you up with more MK or meds, or actually a tad concerned and patient as he guides you through.

If You/Bell Stands Still/Does Nothing:

Example 1

“So you did nothing? What were you, in shock?”

He throws the words callously, mocking. As if Bell isn’t confused and lost at what is going on. He even sounds irritated that you might actually be in shock due to these memories that are just fake—not even real. Not like what he has.

Example 2

“What’s wrong with Bell?” -Adler

“I’m not sure. . .” -Park

“I guess we’ll just wait on you to proceed, Bell.”

The contrast is dizzying. He sounds concerned when he asks Park on what could be wrong with you. If he pushed you too far and now you’re just frozen. And, instead of rushing you due to how the fate of half of Europe is at stake, he decides to give you space. Just wait for you and you’ll come out of it soon enough.

He does these sort of reactions numerous times. Jumping from intimidating to the Adler we knew as the player, as Bell—kind and always in your corner that believes in you. He switches tactics based on what he believes will work really—or he just felt really on edge at times and threw the farce that you two were friends out the window.

Other examples include:

Scenario 11–Napalm Strike-in the lab in the room where you were brainwashed

“Christ, what’s happening with them?”-Adler

“A mild seizure. Sims, past me a benzodiazepine.” -Park

Again, concerned. Worried. Almost…at unease?

In the lab—tripped up on drugs. If you run through the tight shrinking hallway back and forth like so(I suck at making gifs, I’m sorry):

“Why is Bell repeating themselves?”

Or

“Bell, stop speaking in circles.”

Now, as others may have suspected, Bell is talking to everyone as they’re stuck in this horrible loop of mental torture. Most likely muttering, hands clenching and arms pulling against the straps of the gurney, moving their head back and forth depending on what they’re seeing. I always saw Bell as muttering quickly in Russian as they go through all of this—their mother tongue where it may comfort them as they’re panicking and speaking to Adler.

It’s just a nice detail showcasing how exactly Adler knows that Bell is on script—Bell saying what they’re seeing and doing and what’s going on. It shows also just how hard they put Bell through the ringer(badum tss. I’ll leave now).

All the details too when the game shows how the drugs they put in Bell affects you. Like so. The hallways appearing long. The lights looking yellow. You feel so fast—look how quick you can run. Run towards the Red Door that Adler so desperately wants and maybe this can stop. Ah, why is it running away from you? What’s going on?

I don’t know about you, but I was so lost and confused at what was going on my first playthrough. For the majority of this mission, the possibility of me being brainwashed didn’t reach the BACK of my mind till probably I actually saw the flashes of scenes about Vietnam and calling Bell a subject. So like right here.

I personally thought that I had a repressed memory or something due to me going through the Vietnam War. That whatever I saw with Perseus, I—or rather Bell—repressed it from our mind due to how violent or horrible what we saw or experienced was. And that Adler suspected and just really wanted to know about it.

I didn’t expect for the man to actually brainwash my character—us—Bell! The game made Adler your mentor, who always defended you from Hudson and believed in your skills very highly. How he and Bell were basically perfect partners when the two of you were together.

It’s amazing—cause I think that’s what the developers were going for. The absolute trust. The loyalty. The denial that ‘maybe Adler is being a little harsh but hey, this is to help Perseus so it’s okay?’ It’s perfect. Because I’m sure that is what Bell actually felt in real time.

Yet, if you go through the total rebellious choice of not listening to Adler, some thing’s make sense. The Rebellious Side shows you way more than if you just listen to Adler like a Dutiful Soldier.

You go through this room if you choose the rebellious route, the T.V.’s automatically turning on the closer you get. Of Vietnam. And now, all those T.V.‘s that turned on by themselves(the Red Room, Lubyanka, Cuba) make sense. You were actually being brainwashed. Poor Bell probably can’t ever have a turned off/broken T.V. again. The trauma.

Said trauma being shown multiple times too. Not just the T.V.‘s. But the absolute terror that Bell felt, before they became Bell, with Adler.

Like do you see this? This terrified me when I saw it at the end of the hallway. I just saw a red shadow in the distance and I legit thought I was about to be chased. Call of Duty became a horror game(I also went through the door to the ground too my first playthrough, so before this I went through zombies and I think my heart was going to jump out my chest) I thought. I didn’t want to get closer. I had to, with each step I see that it’s not a shadow but a body. And than I see the familiar jacket, the sound of whirring in my ears and see it’s Adler’s head being twisted back and forth, side to side, up and down, in a speed that in inhumanely possible.

Makes one wonder if Bell themselves sees Adler as inhumane. Not human. Adler seeming to just be a god in their head. All the Adler shaped rocks/boulders you go through and see. Even one point the V.C. becoming Adler and you killing him over and over and dead bodies of Adler being everywhere.

The man has entered Bell’s head and won’t leave. Just like Adler won’t leave Bell alone.

Heck, there’s one point in my playthroughs of this mission I was by the bridge yet there were parts of the lab by it. I jumped towards it, noticing down below there were different floors of the lab that eventually reach the ground. I jumped to reach the next floor and missed and I died.

And Adler mocked Bell committing suicide.

That was the kicker really that Adler truly is indifferent towards Bell. Like complete disregard. I know it’s fake. We know it’s fake. Adler knows it’s fake—but to Bell, it felt real. That’s the crazy part. All of this—this whole sequence feels real to Bell so each time they die they actually feel it. It’s insane. It’s cruel.

But we all know that Adler isn’t known for his kindness. Still like his character though, he’s layered.

I don’t have the exact quote he said, didn’t wrote it down like the others. I was shook he said it at all.

Moving on to the final details I’m going to talk about.

When you go through the room, I believe this comes out for both rebellious and dutiful, really depends. You see it filled with post it notes, articles, plans, and newspapers. And you see once more just how Bell has been scarred.

I don’t know Russian or German, but I imagine the notes are similar to what the English one’s say. If I’m wrong, please point it out.

There’s also post it notes which I believe is in code as well due to all the numbers—I’m not sure what those could mean since I am no decoding expert.

Poor poor Bell. And with all these pictures and plans—of Adler included—it begs the question that Bell may have been warned about the famous America’s Monster beforehand. Had to have—since Adler is basically Perseus’s adversary due to how stubborn the American man could be. It just adds more to the story, despite Cold War having quite a short campaign, they made it up somewhat with all these details everywhere.

When you finally and actually reach the room.

As you grow closer to the table, to your chair in the conference room while everyone else seems to have their own spots, there’s something I noticed.

There’s glasses. As well as a hat. And it’s Bell’s. Or at least, it used to be. Why else is it on their side of the table? By their chair? I believe it might be reading glasses due to all the decryptions Bell does, whether on paper or through a computer, it’s hard on the eyes. (I’m sure I’m not the only one who noticed this. For look at @second-vtoroy ‘s Bell)

I believe through the brainwashing, Bell might not need glasses anymore. After all, apparently they were a smoker like Adler before too but they took that out of you. What else they changed of Bell? It makes one wonder how far they truly went into molding a person.

Which just adds onto how mind boggling this mission is—this game is. This is my favorite COD game, despite how short it is. The details and choices and interactions with everyone and able to create your own character(albeit it’s very standard and not specific but it’s good enough for me) is AMAZING. I’ve always been a sucker for RPG’s and able to get that even a little in a COD game? Truly wonderful.

I couldn’t touch on everything because it would’ve gotten long, but the fun of the Break on Through mission never gets old. It’s genius multiple ways you can do it. All the details. The feelings you feel as a player as you go through it.

They truly did a unique job with this and I hope they continue with this type of game storytelling. Hopefully longer as well.

Anyways, hope you guys enjoyed this rant basically!

Gifs made by me and used the video down below to help.

https://youtu.be/t6QkmkGGHSQ

#russell adler #call of duty #cod #black ops cold war #call of duty cold war #cod cold war #cod bell #cod analysis #cod:bocw #call of duty analysis #bell call of duty #Adler and Bell #Cold War