#this post is an apology for the fact i never made a timeline when i said i would. sorry this is kinda confusing also

[project-sekai-facts]

Only one date is ever mentioned in-game, that being 2021. Considering that the Virtual Singer Fan Festa seems to be a stand-in for Magical Mirai 2021, we can assume that the Scramble Fan FESTA! event takes place in September 2021 (the real-life MM2021 was delayed to November due to covid-19, but the pandemic doesn't exist in-universe and MM Tokyo usually takes place at the beginning of September). There are Leo/need Daily Life social media posts that show them attending Magical Mirai, and do state the year of the event, but these can be considered promotional material for the event itself rather than canon material, especially since the characters address in-game that only one year has passed since the start of the story (despite the fact they have celebrated new year's day 4 times now. Timeloop things).

Based on this date, we can actually place exactly when every main character was born. The cutoff date for Japanese schools is April 1st, making Ena the oldest main character, being a 3rd year with a birthday of April 30th, followed by Tsukasa on May 17th, so on so forth all the way down to Kohane, a 2nd year with a birthday of March 2nd.

Considering when Scramble Fan FESTA is set, Ena, who was a 2nd year at the time, would be 17 years old. That would place her date of birth as April 30th, 2004. Additionally, while Kohane, a first year at the time, should be 15 during the event, the game considers her to be 16 due to using a set age for every grade bracket. Regardless, the event setting places her date of birth as March 2nd, 2006.

Based on this, we can conclude that:

Ena, Tsukasa, Rui, and Shizuku were born in 2004

Mafuyu, Kanade, Airi, Minori, Saki, Toya, Nene, An, Ichika, Mizuki, Emu, Haruka, Honami, and Akito were born in 2005

Shiho and Kohane were born in 2006

This also means that Ena, Tsukasa and Rui are all older than the MEIKO software (released November 5th 2004), and everyone except Kohane is older than the KAITO software (released February 17th 2006). Every main character is older than Miku, the Kagamines, and Luka based on this information.

Using the information around set ages*, we can also work out rough estimates for when the side characters were born. For example, Arata, who was 19 during the first 3 years of the game, is 3 years older than the members of VBS who were all considered to be 16. Since the members of VBS were born in the April 2005 - April 2006 school year range, Arata was likely born in the 2002-2003 school year range.

* based on how characters like Youta and Miu, who are said to be the same age as Leo/need, were both confirmed to be 16 years old before the 3rd anniversary age-up. Also Haruka's age is confirmed as 16 at a point in time when she shouldn't be 16. Timeloop things.

Based on this, the oldest living side character, Kounosuke, who was 55 pre-3rd anniversary and 39 years older than Emu, was probably born between April 1966 and April 1st 1967. On the younger side of things, Hanano, who was 14 pre-3rd anni, was likely born between April of 2007 and 2008. I've put the rest of the estimated side character DOBs under the cut.

assumed age as of 3rd anniversary in brackets (literally just pre-age-up age + 1)

Rakunosuke Otori - April 2nd 1922 ~ April 1st 1923 (98 (at time of death. would be 100 if still alive))

Kounosuke Otori - April 2nd 1966 ~ April 1st 1967 (56)

Jean Riley - 1967~1968 (55)

Harumichi Aoyagi - 1968~1969 (54)

Shin'ei Shinonome - 1973~1974 (49)

Mr Yoisaki - 1975~1976 (47)

Ken Shiraishi - 1978~1979 (44)

Taiga Kotaki - 1978~1979 (44)

Yuuka Kazamatsuri - 1990~1991 (32)

Keisuke Otori - 1991~1992 (31)

Shousuke Otori - 1994~1995 (28)

Tatsuya Okazaki - 1999~2000 (23)

Ayaka Saito - 2001~2002 (21)

Hinata Otori - 2001~2002 (21)

Iori - 2002~2003 (20)

Mio - 2002~2003 (20)

Arata Tono - 2002~2003 (20)

Souma Miyata - 2002~2003 (20)

Kotaro Mita - 2004~2005 (18)

Sakurako Seiryuin - 2004~2005 (18)

Nanami "Nanamin" Hayakawa - 2004~2005 (18)

Futaba Natsuno - 2004~2005 (18)

Ayumi Tabata - 2004~2005 (18)

Hibiki Miyake - 2004~2005 (18)

Shuuta Hayashi - 2004~2005 (18)

Ibuki Taniyama - 2004~2005 (18)

Yuina Uchiyama - 2005~2006 (17)

Shouta Hayashi - 2005~2006 (17)

Miu Takagi - 2005~2006 (17)

Youta Yoshizaki - 2005~2006 (17)

Riho Hasegawa - 2005~2006 (17)

Saku Kousaka - 2005~2006 (17)

Mai - 2006~2007 (16)

Hanano Yoshizaki - 2007~2008 (15)

Ambiguous:

These ages were given in the 3rd fanbook, but there is not really any way to tell if these are the characters' ages at introduction or ages after the 3rd anniversary age-up. Here are both possible DOB ranges.

Mrs Asahina - 1980/81 or 1981/82 (41)

Yoshiki Shindou - 1982/83 or 1983/84 (39)

Yuuki Akiyama - 1999/2000 or 2000/01 (22)

Asahi Genbu - 2003/4 or 2004/5 (18)

Arisa Higure - 2004/5 or 2005/6 (17)

Additional notes (mod is rambling atp):

Rakunosuke died when he was 98 years old. In the WxS main story, Emu says that he died a year ago. Assuming Emu was 15 at the time, they have an age gap of around 83 years. The year of birth listed here was based on that assumption.

We know that Kanade's mother died aged 30, but we do not know when she died. She is still alive in flashbacks set roughly 10 years prior to the events of game.

We do not have confirmed ages for Nagi, Reki, Sakaki, MMJ's landlady or Mafuyu's father yet.

Rui suggests that Reki is the same age as him in A Story Where You Are The Star. However since it's more vague than Asahi, I left it out. However, Asahi was since confirmed as 18 when he was compared to Reki as being similar age, it is likely that Reki is also around 18 years old.

Nagi's age is left blank in the fanbook due to it not being revealed that she was dead at the time of publication. She is younger than Taiga, but we don't know by how much, but nonetheless she was likely born in the early 1980s.

No NPCs are given exact birthdays

#this post is an apology for the fact i never made a timeline when i said i would. sorry this is kinda confusing also #in short just know that we can assume that the game takes place in the 2021/2022 and 2022/2023 school years #don't use that as an excuse to be weird about the characters bc that's still the in-universe year(s) even if it's not the irl year. #this post is just for fun okay? okay. #project sekai #lore

[cupidhoons]

things he wished he'd done ⟡ psh

syn three things sunghoon wished he had done more often & one thing he ended up doing instead

wc 640 && trope idol! ex bf hoon x non idol! fmr mlist

note 🗒️ ; my apology for ditching u guys 2 days straight 😢😢 i'll be back on that grind Again Tmr 😂😂🫵 also gc saw it first yupp 💪💪

saying "i love you" more often

you understood sunghoon had a hard time both expressing and showing his feelings, so it wasn't surprising when he rarely told you the infamous "L" word. you didn't mind, though. sunghoon showed his love for you through other things like giving you gifts and telling you how gorgeous you looked. the only times he would say the three words is when you two would argue and when he felt like you were slipping through his fingers. you didn't find this intoxicating, as you knew that he loved you deep down, but you did wish he would tell you more often.

sunghoon felt the same. he wanted to tell you he loves you in multiple instances — but he could never get the words right. he really did love you. he believed that in every universe you two were meant to be and he wanted you to know that. so so badly. it didnt matter what the circumstances were in the other timeline — he just knew he loved you. and as long as you were there on his side, he would be okay.

spending more time with you

sunghoon struggled balancing out his busy schedule and you. of course, he had his days off where he spent the day with you, but majority of the time he was tired and wanted to stay home. you weren't in the scene nor did you plan to be, but you still understood that your boyfriend was a busy man. from concerts, tours, award shows and being an mc at music bank — he was bound to be tired at the end of the day. he was never home with you. of course, you did facetime daily but there was still this huge block between you two.

it wasn't that you didn't support his decision of being an idol, but it was clear that this relationship was bound to end due to his busy life — if even you didn't want it to.

communicating with you

even in the smallest inconveniences for your relationship, you wanted him to communicate. it was always number one priority on both ends to initiate communication. fortunately, there wasn't many problems in your relationship — until he started closing himself. it was completely out of the blue. from the dry replies and ignoring you when you came over to the dorms — it was obvious something was up.

you asked the guys what was wrong with him and they didn't seem to know either. you thought that maybe it was just stress from the upcoming tour. you gave him his space, hoping he would eventually tell you — but he never did.

the one thing he ended up doing — pushing you away

you ended up finding that many so called fans started saying that you were the reason he lost his spark. watching sunghoon's en-logs and seeing him the background of episodes acting weirder than usual — fans were getting suspicious. did something happen between you two? did you guys breakup? now, it wasn't any of their business, but some fans didn't understand that. when sunghoon started seeing all the tweets and sour posts about you, he was angered.

sunghoon wanted to tell everyone that it was all wrong, that you weren't the one who made him loose his spark — it was them. the media. the pressure. that you were in fact the one who made him so joyful. but he didn't. he couldn't. the only thing he could do was to hope that you didn't check any of your social medias. without knowing it, he distanced himself until you both couldn't take it anymore. one thing led to the other and your relationship with the man who was supposed to be your future husband was gone. three words, eleven letters.

permanent taglist (open — send an ask to be added) ; @ms-no1kpopstan @naespas @kyoaeri @copyhanni @lilacnini

#⎯ 박성훈 ( hoon ) ㅤ✧ ࣪ 🐧 #enhypen #enha #enhypen au #enhypen fluff #enhypen imagines #enha fluff #enha imagines #enha x reader #enhablr #my works! ˙✧˖⋆｡˚ #sunghoon #park sunghoon x reader #park sunghoon angst #park sunghoon #sunghoon fluff #park sunghoon smut #sunghoon x reader #park sunghoon fluff #enhypen sunghoon #enha scenarios #enhypen scenarios #enhypen smut #sunghoon imagines #sunghoon smut #sunghoon enhypen #sunghoon smau #enhypen smau #enhypen x reader

[tiny-sassy-aggressive]

After watching We’re All Doomed, the comedy show by Daniel Howell, I need to take moment to write out how that show made me take a step back in my own life and evaluate progress and positive growth in my life as I realized that his timelines/feelings could be foiled in a meaningful way to my life. I was particularly inspired to write this while watching the scenes on the screen of the moments of joy people were experiencing. I swear I had chills and I started to tear up. As he spoke about not only embracing the void, but finding the courage to exist, but not just exist, but to live and find those moments of joy, I was reminded about how that moment in searching for why life was worth living was how I came (back) to Catholicism. I don’t intend this post to encourage others to or away from the Church. I simply was inspired by Dan to share how I got to a place of accepting that life is worth living and how I hope to move forward.

I want to first tw cancer, death, feelings of not wanting to exist, and mentions of suicide. Nothing is explicitly discussed in great detail but only mentioned. I have never written out my story before, barely talk about it even to this day. Tried therapy a few times but it wasn’t for me, but that’s neither here nor there. This is a safe space for me to share something I just wouldn’t with family and friends. Though, I must apologize in advance, like Dan, I talk/write way too much so this will be a very long post.

Thank you to all those who take the time to read my random story and I hope to hear from others how Dan’s story and/or show have affected you so we can share in those feelings as a community.

I am chronically depressed and anxious. Always have been as it runs in the family. However, the problem was my parents, or really, I should just say my mom because my dad was never around in an emotional capacity that mattered, didn’t necessarily believe in mental health. Sure they knew depression and anxiety were real, but those were just emotions people felt and there wasn’t anything to do but continue on and try your best to keep going no matter what. It’ll be fine, just keep moving and working, right? Well when I was 12/13 I was getting bullied really badly. It got to the point where I was having panic attacks before going to school, crying at night, constantly feeling nauseous, and worst of all, I would refuse to leave my moms side, so school got to be pretty difficult. My mom was fully aware of what was going on so she went in immediately and got the bullying handled (as much as she could, middle schoolers are brutal. It never really went away but it was less of a nuisance) but she did not understand why I still felt ill and didn’t want to leave her side. She found me a therapist and I went twice. I knew we had financial struggles and I started to feel better so I stopped going. I was still sad and scared but those were normal feelings, right? I could go to school and play my flute, talk to friends, and sure I was writing songs about being trapped in a cage and having no one hear my screams but I was just an edgy teen, I wasn’t depressed. That’s just me being me. No mental illness here! I’m fine. Spoiler alert- I was not fine and it was only going to get worse.

When I was 14 I found Dan and Phil! I was a huge o2l fan so I followed Connor Franta and he posted Internet Trivia with Dan and Phil and I absolutely fell in love with them and fell down the rabbit hole of their channels and the gaming channel. I loved them both but I definitely had a bias towards Dan because he wore all black and was edgy. Watching Existential Crisis for the first time gave me a phrase to the weird feelings I had. Both affirmed and disproved the fact I was mentally ill but I still didn’t have the words for it so I just thought I was mentally different from other people. Watching that video back with all the context of 2024 and 2024 Dan, that video covered an extraordinarily heavy topic but he never mentioned the word depression or mentally ill because, at that point, why would he? Since he was the only person who voiced those feelings that I also shared, I took them to heart, but I could only take those words to heart as I had no reference to infer what else all that meant. So I kept all my feelings to myself. After all, this guy said he had all these big feelings but was fine. Call me naïve, I was 14, so I believed I could be okay and still feel existential. It was normalized, plus nothing else in my life was being affected, I was doing well in school, I had friends, I had hobbies, I was fine. How could I complain?

A few months after the start my freshmen year of high school, my older brother was diagnosed with leukemia and everything changed. He was sick and had to stay in the hospital for months, one of my parents would always be at the hospital, and me and my little brother would visit on the weekends when we could. My mom really stressed the importance of keeping a normal schedule so we did. School, extracurriculars, piano, just keep moving and everything will be alright. I didn’t cry, I couldn’t cry. I had to remain okay, fine, an unbreakable force because I couldn’t have anyone worrying about me because we all had to worry about my brother. Which we did! I never wanted to be a burden or not okay because I wanted all attention and time focused on his wellbeing. I don’t remember talking to anyone about anything emotional. Sure as hell not my parents. Not my brothers. Not even my friends. So I watched videos and removed myself and all emotions from my being so I didn’t have to think or be.

When he was first diagnosed I felt lost and confused. So I did the one thing my private, catholic school taught me to do. I found God and prayed. Except, I can say certainly looking back, it was not a meaningful relationship I created. It was one forged in fear, confusion, and a misunderstanding of how to pray. Ironically, for a catholic school, they didn’t know how to teach someone to come to God, they just expected you to understand, but that’s beside the point and a different conversation. But that’s what I did! I prayed, every morning and night, Lord, Please heal my brother. Please. Tried devotionals I didn’t get, muttered words I didnt understand, and played the part. I watched everyone else around me do it so I did it too, to the point where I believed I needed to be perfect or else my prayers would fail, which, I cannot express enough, was not the appropriate mentality, but that’s what I thought was necessary.

About 7 months later, my brother was in remission and he came home! He was okay! We got through the summer, he came back to school, we were in band and choir together again. It was fun!! We were all okay again. The dark spots in my head were still there but they were probably just left over from how scary last year was. How could I not be happy with my brother back home and alright again. At this point, my prayers were answered so I slowed down my prayers. I was okay so I felt as if I did not need my relationship with God as intensely anymore because I felt fine. Plus, when I was sad or scared those were just normal reactions that were not taking over my life so why dwell on them.

In 2017, Dan released Daniel and Depression. And I don’t exactly remember my reaction. But at that point in my life, I remember coming around to the idea that maybe I was not as mentally sound as I thought. But even listening to what he had to say, I was still convinced I was not depressed, I was just traumatized from what had happened to my brother and to my family. I had spent that time living through hell and I never stopped, I did not lay in bed wallowing, I didn’t not brush my teeth or not take care of myself. I was a high functioning nearly straight a student through and through. I was not depressed.

I don’t know why that was such a dirty word for me. Or maybe it wasn’t a dirty word, but it was something I didn’t want associated with myself. My school didn’t believe in mental health because all you had to do was pray and “you can’t be depressed and be with God” - Which by the way is completely inaccurate and harmful for young people to grow up learning. On the other hand, my parents lived in a hospital with my sick brother for months, I shouldn’t be depressed or talk about the weird sadness I was experiencing after everything they went through. It’d be selfish of me to not be alright.

Two months after Dan posted his depression video, my brother got sick again, the cancer came back. I prayed fervently once again. Knowing it worked once it could work again. Every morning and every night in the depths of my dark room where no one could see or hear because everyone else in my family was not religious or was too angry at God to believe. I put it on myself to pray and to be good so he can be healed again. But I failed. He died 4 months later on my 17th birthday. Years later, a therapist would tell me that happened because he didn’t want me to forget about him, well jokes on the therapist I was never going to forget anyway. I failed, it was my fault he died. If I prayed more, if I was a better person, if I just focused I could have saved him. But I wasn’t enough, I was not good enough to save him. This wasn’t true, of course, nor how religion/prayer works. But I didn’t know what else to do or think. So I blamed myself. I wasn’t even there when he died. My parents told my little brother and I that he wasn’t ever coming home and a few days later, on my birthday, we went to school and when my dad picked us up from school he drove us home and my mom was sitting there and that’s when I knew. My little brother was so cute, he later admitted he just thought my mom had come home to see me for my birthday but I knew immediately. I still don’t know how my dad just picked us up that day and didn’t say anything.

A part of me died that day. How could it not have? It was a strange night. We cried. I ate a pre-bought cupcake. My brother went to lacrosse practice and the next day we both went to school. Because that’s just what we did. We just kept going. Let me tell you, you’ll get the strangest looks from people when they see you at school after they just heard over the loud speaker that your brother had died the previous day. Because really, what were we doing there? We were the highest functioning traumatized students you had ever seen. I was only 2 minutes late to my first class of the day, math. I went to the chapel in the school with my really close friend to cry and listen to adoration music and just wonder why, why, why? 2 minutes wasn’t too bad, the teacher was surprised to see me and I failed the math quiz we had. She was nice, she offered to not have me take it, but I was already there and it was math quiz time so I took the quiz. She let me redo it too. She was nice, I needed it. It felt normal so I felt fine.

And that was all the rest of the 2018 school year was. Fine. Went to class, studied, did my extracurriculars, performed in all the shows, hell, I even went to prom with said super close friend from earlier. It was obvious I was traumatized and sad but how could I not be? But I was doing everything a normal student would be doing so what was the problem?

The problem was I felt alone, hell, I was alone. My family was broken, shattered into a million a pieces. My dad was distant, my mom cried, my bothers and I weren’t talking in any meaningful way. I talked to one person, the guy who held me in the chapel the day after my brother died and who took me to prom. I loved him, we loved each other. He was the only person who I felt actually saw me. I always had some barriers up but I felt free with him and I know he just wanted me to be okay even in the midst of tragedy. We were friendly for 2 years but we got close right before my brother was diagnosed again. Those months meant so much to me and I thought we would always be close. But 1 month after my brother died. He told me he did not want to continue our relationship or friendship. He said I was too much to handle or had too much going on. In all honesty, I don’t remember his exact words because I most definitely mentally blacked out. And he broke what little part of me was left.

(About 2 1/2 years later he ended up calling me and after not really speaking to him at all since that moment, I picked up, more out of curiosity then trying to rekindle anything. He told me that, unbeknownst to me back in 2018, he went to our Moral Theology teacher (yes- private catholic school) to ask for advice because he saw how much pain I was in and he did not know how to help me. Instead of this teacher, a literal adult, going to our schools counselor, my mother, or even me and addressing this 17 year old boys concerns about ME, he told him that he should just give me space because of the mental weight of the tragedy I was living through. His advice to this boy was to essentially isolate me. Looking back, I do feel bad for this boy. He tried so hard to do the right thing for me but didn’t have the right directions. And on the other hand I am so mad at the teacher because that was the worst advice he could have ever given ever. Thanks! Real talk though, I loved that boy and he always meant the world to me. We didn’t keep in touch afterward that 2020 conversation but I kept tabs on him through mutual friends and he always listened to my music on Spotify. He went through a tough time and he committed suicide in 2022. I really do miss him and wish things were different for all aspects of his story, my story, and what might have been our story. It felt wrong to exclude his memory in this post because he truly played such a crucial role and he meant so much to me even years later)

Back to 2018, after he abandoned me. I was completely and utterly alone. And now, I feared opening up at all to anyone because I didn’t want to be perceived as the burden I truly was. So I swallowed every once of trauma, depression, and anxiety so I was perceived as a functioning, fine, human being who didn’t need anyone to worry about her. I didn’t want anyone to worry or care for me because they thought I was fragile or broken because I now had proof that I would become too much to handle and that anyone would just leave me just as he had. And that was it. I smiled, I laughed, I spent the next year completing every senior year milestone and graduated high school. And I didn’t feel one emotion. I was fine.

Summer 2019 was when things started to shift a bit and here’s where I think the foiling begins. For one, Dan had just released Basically, I’m Gay and he started to live his truth being out of the closet. I truly don’t want to nor feel like I can comment anymore on this topic because that was his own personal journey and I don’t want to speculate on anything he said. He did so quite clearly and explicitly. But the point I am making was that in the middle of 2019, he began living his truth. This one thing he didn’t talk about that is so quintessential to his character was now a public part of him and he got to experience that joy of being out. There was a shift in his character, anyone who watched his video could tell, he was happy, he seemed excited. He went to pride, did promotional videos, and he just seemed like he was living in a brighter light. It was beautiful to watch and I’m grateful he let us share in those moments of joy with him.

Before I get too deep into this section, I want to preface and state that I do not remember large chunks of time between 2018-2021. All the trauma and depression have made me forget nearly everything, and it’s a very weird sensation to have little to no memories of 3/4 years of time. I can recall general feelings and most memories I can see are from a third person pov so I can see what was happening, but I see it happening to me, not me actually experiencing the memory.

For me, summer 2019 meant leaving for college. Now, in hindsight, I made a major error. I was going to the same college my brother had been at before he died. I don’t know what I was thinking or why I thought it was a good idea but the school gave me money so I would have been a fool to take on more student loans than necessary, plus, I knew I wanted to transfer the next year and move half way across the country so I had an end goal in sight, just had to get through the year.

I also started to go to church again. There was a cute little church about a half mile down from my school so it was an easy walk. I don’t consider this change/new addition a mistake, but I do often wonder what was I thinking exactly. I don’t recall my exact process but remember two dueling trains of thought. For one, I still 100% felt weird about religion/God because I blamed myself for my brother dying because I wasn’t praying enough and wasn’t good enough to save him. But on the other hand, I did not feel right to never enter a church again and a part of me wanted to return because it felt like the right thing to do. I spent my entire formative years at a private catholic school. I knew all the prayers, scripture, the saints (I was confirmed taking St. Rose Philippine Duchesne), and my senior year religion class was dedicated to teaching us how to explain/teach the faith to non-believers. And I believed in all of it! I had faith, so how could I not be going to church. Call it guilt, or whatever you want to call it, but I couldn’t turn my back on the church after everything I had learned so I went back. It was the truth I believed in and the truth I wanted to live by. I told myself that eventually I would just feel better, I’d continue to pray to heal and keep going through the motions until it stuck. At this point, I had fully embraced the void I was living in. I accepted that I was depressed, I accepted that I was depressed long before the trauma began so I was battling undiagnosed depression alongside the after effects of the trauma, and I accepted that I am an incredibly anxious person. That was alot for an 18 year old to take in but I finally accepted what my truth was. I admit it and that’s the first step right? I know I am mentally ill so I started some therapy, and I continued going to church and praying because every thing I read and was told said those were the best things I could do to help myself. So things could only get better from here, right?

Not necessarily. The end of 2019 flew by and before we knew it we were in the throes of a global pandemic. Within 3 months in 2020, my parents divorced (finally), my grandmother died from the same cancer that my brother had which was sick was twisted if you ask me, and my mom, little brother, and I moved half way across the country. Oh and I transferred colleges in all that too. Besides every single bad thing we experienced, moving was supposed to be our new start. A new place, new schools, new adventures. No longer living in the state with every bad memory we had or the house we essentially grew up in. It was new and fresh, almost the perfect situation to start a mental health journey in, besides the recent trauma I still don’t think I have processed fully and a global pandemic. I just thought I would be getting better.

I remember the part of We’re All Doomed when Dan mentioned 2019 being so important because he started to live his truth and I felt so similarly. I thought once I accepted what was going on in my head I’d feel better. But then 2019-2021 for both of us seemed to be one of our worse times mentally, which is oddly terrifying because of the emphasis that was present on wanting to feel improved.

Between 2019-2021, I struggled with the concept of existing. I did not understand why I was here and others weren’t, what I was meant to do, and why I was meant to do it. I didn’t want to exist. I simply didn’t have the energy. I couldn’t conjure up emotions, nothing real anyway. I just felt nothing. I never felt suicidal, never did anything to harm myself, never wanted to. I knew and continue to know that I never wanted to die. I really just wanted to feel quiet, numb, not of the earth and those are very scary feelings. I could barely put them into words for when I talked to my therapist but I tried, but all she could tell me was to find distractions for myself. Distract, distract, distract, well that’s all I’ve been doing and I don’t feel better. I listened to music, wrote music, talked to my mom, pray, do my class work, scroll through social media, but what then? When alls said and done, the music is off, the conversation is over, the work done, the phone turned off, I was left with myself and I didn’t even recognize her. My mom said she saw a light in my eyes she hasn’t seen in a while but I had no idea what she was talking about. Whatever was on the outside wasn’t being transferred to the inside because I didn’t even know who was staring back at me in the mirror. I just knew she didn’t want to be here anymore. So what now?

When Dan showed us the calendar with the little emoji emotions over the days of the month, I swear my heart stopped for a moment because it reminded me of what I started doing for myself during that same time period, that very same year he was referring to in the show. I had downloaded this app, Hallow, it’s a catholic prayer app. Scripture, guided prayers, saints stories, the whole nine yards. I liked the little guided prayers. Helped me focus I guess. And every night I’d ask for the same thing. To feel better. To be healed. It also had a little section where you could track your mood for the day so I started doing that everyday. I wasn’t thinking too hard about it I just hit the emoji I felt and moved on. Until I started noticing a pattern of hitting, sad, anxious, worried, or unsure. Soon enough I had months upon months, just days filled with those same emojis. When I actually took a step back, just like Dan did, to stare at how my months were covered in little sad emojis it broke me more than I thought it ever could. Was this all that was left for me? Days that left me feeling dejected and dark? Why wasn’t anything I was doing enough to make me feel better, to make me feel something for my life, for this world around me. Every night pleading the same questions to God, why, why, why? Just begging to be healed.

One day in 2021, I felt hopeless, I was tired, drained, and I truly did not know what to do. I just wanted to feel. So I stopped begging God to fix me and I started talking instead. And I talked and talked about everything and nothing all at once. I told Him about my day and what had happened. I told Him about the little anecdotes, my classes, the walk I went on. I told Him what I felt during the day, the big feelings and the little feelings. As I recounted my day and all the little details, I know it sounds ridiculous, but I felt lighter. For the first time in a long time, I was not focused on the big scary black hole of my mind, the void, I spent time talking about what my day had looked like and what I knew was on my schedule for tomorrow. It grounded me. And it was just that. I wasn’t focused on the void, I was focused on the living I was doing despite the void and there was something beautiful about that realization I have never been able to put into words until I watched Dan’s show. God was not not healing me because I did not deserve it or because I was so helpless, for it was only when I was at my lowest that I let myself let go and speak freely outside the confines of asking for the same thing over and over again without changing my mindset. It was only through those open ended conversations that I found and was confronted with the events of my life, no matter how big or small. The void, my depression, my traumas, whatever I want to call them, they are always going to exist, they are a part of my and I can’t change anything about that. But my life, my 24 hours a day, that time will pass regardless of if I choose to dwell on the darkness or not, so might as well spend my time enjoying the light that clearly exists as well. So that is what I started to do.

It is a choice that I have to make each day when I wake up. To decide to be an active participant in my life rather than a passive bystander. But like all things, it’s an attitude that can be learned, adapted, and over time it did not feel like a chore to make that choice, but a pleasure. For once, I started to look forward to the future and excited for what I could do. I found a church where I could attend mass so I would stop sitting in my room and watching online, I started to push myself to make plans outside my comfort zone and learned to not just like my own company, but enjoy the silence of being alone. The one project I am particularly proud of is my second Instagram account dedicated to romanticizing my life. Everyday, for now nearly 2 1/2 years, I have posted a photo on that account of the places I’ve been, clothes I’ve worn, and experiences I have been on. It’s my own personal photo diary proving that I have been living and that I will be continuing to live.

Photos and daily reflection have been the cornerstone of my improvement which was why that segment of Dan’s show impacted me so greatly. Each small clip he shared was probably only a second or so long but each moment held such great joy and emotions that could not be contained. It was and will continue to be a reminder that there will always be moments of joy and moments of happiness that will exist even in the face of adversity, we just have to work to see them, and choose to accept them as our own. Some days can certainly be harder than others, but after years of feeling nothing but the heavy weight of despair, even just the memories of joy are enough to encourage me to move forward. I’m alive for a reason and I believe and trust in God’s plan for me, so I choose and, now, feel empowered to continue on.

Dan was right when he said that we are all doomed. And there is this void in my life that I have learned to embrace and not just ignore. But this life was not meant to be survived, but to be lived. And I, now, have the courage to choose to live everyday.

Thank you to @danielhowell for sharing a part of yourself with the world. For creating a show that encourages us to acknowledge every part of our lives, the good, the bad, the ugly, and to show the importance of embracing every aspect of our lives while we continue our journey. Thank you for encouraging me to share my story and my journey through mental health. I have never shared my story like this before and it has been an unbelievably cathartic experience and I feel renewed in my promise to continue to choose to live.

Thank you🖤

#dan and phil #dnp #daniel howell #dan howell #danisnotonfire #dan and phil renaissance #we’re all doomed #embrace the void #have the courage to exist #embrace life #finding purpose #catholic #catholiscism #mental health #mental illness #how to be a human being #we aren’t alone #thank you

[lobautumny]

Alright, this toy has decided to make a big, singular post detailing the entire Predstrogen situation to the best of its ability because it hasn't seen one that's up to date and wants to have something convenient to link to bring people up to speed. Apologies if there are mistakes in this explanation. It is difficult to round all of the information up concisely.

So, the first thing to mention, up-front, is that this all centers around a trans woman named Rita. This toy will primarily be referring to her by name, as this centers around several blogs and a Twitter account that all belong to her and have different handles.

So what the hell happened to Rita?

Well, after losing a couple of blogs (the first due to doing sex work on a side-blog and the second due to a harassment campaign from lolcow forums), she formed the Predstrogen blog, which stuck around for a while and became quite popular. However, the harassment campaign never ended.

Rita's posts on the Predstrogen blog received masses of false reports for untagged NSFW (or outright ToS-breaking) content while she and people who followed her or incidentally reblogged her posts were flooded with hate and misinformation about her. Rita tried to get into contact with Tumblr support over this harassment campaign and received nothing. Rita also contacted Tumblr support to ask about some images that she was unsure whether they fell within community guideline compliance or not, and was directly told that she was fine to post them.

Eventually, completely-SFW images (such as a transition timeline that was just two pictures of her face) on her blog started getting taken down because of the false reports. Rita reaches out to Tumblr again, this time to try to get the images back, and starts spreading the word about how fucked up this situation is and how the site's staff have been either incompetent or actively malicious towards her by allowing this organized hate campaign to go completely unchecked. As this starts blowing up, the Predstrogen blog gets banned for community guideline violations that never happened over alleged adult content.

Support finally gets back to her about the harassment campaign she'd been the victim of, and said that they found nothing that breaks Tumblr ToS so even if they wanted to do something, they simply couldn't. Put a pin in that.

So, she makes another blog, this one named Avewy. She starts doubling down posting about everything that's happened to her so far, and her harassers keep sending misinformation about why Rita was banned in bystanders' asks, abusing the fact that they aren't able to check the Predstrogen blog anymore to control the narrative about her. Eventually, when asked why Rita was banned, Matt (Tumblr's CEO) responds, giving the reasoning that it was for harassment (which she never did) and threats of violence against Tumblr staff.

Now, let's talk about that last point. What might he be referring to? Well, luckily for us, he cites one (1) piece of evidence! Several months ago (at least, this toy's pretty sure it was several months ago, the screenshot does not have a timestamp), Rita made a post on the Predstrogen blog in which she said, "I hope photomatt dies forever a painful death involving a car covered in hammers that explodes more than a few times and hammers go flying everywhere." That's it. Matt threatened to "work with police and FBI" over her wishing he succumbs to a Looney Tunes-ass fate. If she made any other more serious threats, Matt has never specified any of them, and it's impossible to go through her blog to check, so we have to assume that this is the only such instance.

Also, we know the whole "Predstrogen was banned for harassment" claim was a blatant lie, by the way, because the specific way Predstrogen was banned (all images from her posts were scrubbed from the site) is something that only happens for adult content violations.

Naturally, the Avewy blog also gets banned. There's no official reason given for that one, but we don't really need one at this point. After this, Rita simply makes yet another blog (by the name of Cyprederone), makes a goodbye post giving her final thoughts about Tumblr and everything that's happened to her, and linking all of her other social media accounts and her Discord server. So this is where the story ends, right? Like, surely, her finally being pushed off the platform for good is the last thing that happens in this series of events, right?

Right?

Matt, the very reasonable and level-headed man that he is, stalks Rita's Twitter account and starts harassing her there, and breaks data protection laws (according to Maia Arson Crimew, at least, and this toy will take its word on that) by listing off all of the usernames to her private alt accounts as some kind of gotcha when she reposted her transition timeline on that site and called it "too hot for Tumblr." He must've either realized or been quickly informed by his legal team that that post was probably illegal, because he quickly deleted it.

And that's approximately where we are right now. Once again, this toy might be getting some details wrong (it's mostly worried that some events are in the wrong order), and it apologizes if it does. Once again, unfortunately, it's hard to iron out the exact sequence of events when the blogs that Rita was documenting the sequence of events on have been deleted, and the whole situation was very hectic so it was difficult to internalize an exact timeline while everything was actually going down.

Some extra things to note:

Matt, in his response to Rita, refused to refer to her with she/her pronouns. Instead, he mostly referred to her as "they," and eventually edited his post to dehumanize her to "the account" because he was "unaware of pronoun preference and [didn't] want to misgender anyone." This is an interesting claim, considering he certainly had no trouble tracking down Rita's Twitter account, which has her pronouns in the bio, to harass her. At one point, Matt straight up referred to her as "it."

It's very telling that Matt made a big statement about how he now understands what targeted harassment feels like and will be looking into better moderation because of his experiences being harassed immediately after his staff denied that a trans woman who has been subject to a targeted harassment campaign for years was actually being harassed.

Rita's harassers made a point of it to especially target transmasc users with misinformation as a form of recruitment tactic.

This is far from the first instance of Tumblr's staff/moderation being discriminatory against trans people, nor is it the first time that bigots have gotten the auto-mod to ban a minority by mass-reporting their account. It's simply the instance of this happening that has generated the most attention.

The harassment Rita was receiving was painstakingly documented and literally included TERF accounts admitting to harassing her and organizing mass false reports. Despite simply lacking the resources to determine that users who were bragging about breaking ToS were, in fact, breaking ToS, staff have certainly been able to be very proactive in tracking down and punishing users who are a little bit too mean to Matt lately.

Despite Matt claiming that Rita was banned for her horrible, vile, evil, totally-not-a-joke death threat and talking about how serious these kinds of things are and how you simply cannot say them, this toy sees much more serious death threats and people earnestly telling each other to kill themselves on this website on a very frequent basis, and they always go completely unpunished, and it's certain that's not for a lack of reports.

If anyone has anything to add on or correct, this toy actively encourages you to do so.

#autumn rants #predstrogen #avewy

[kingofthering]

Well well well, you're not the only one thinking about that forced coming out au, GOD, that was insane. The sweetness both of them want but Marc not letting himself have it, because, obviously, it's fake pretend, but he wants it to be real. And Vale not allowing himself to tell Marc that it is so very real for him, holy cow.

How do they get in touch after that? Is Vale FINALLY getting his shit together, telling Marc that he wants to have everything with him for real? Is he being shitty to other people because he can't let his anger out otherwise? How does Marc feel during media stuff with Vale???? So many thoughts in my head, and sending love to you <3

"Take a shot every time tumblr user kingofthering mentions a quick idea one idea and say "no I won't consider this more it was just a silly thing" and then it ends up not just being that" truly would be a lethal game.

Anyway. Love my brain, let's try to get into this.

Honestly, if I wanted to be able to answer these questions properly I would need to draw a timeline of the whole thing, which is not happening for now so excuse me for the mess.

How do they get in touch after that?

As I said, depends when this gala happens, what has happened before between them. In any case, Marc is avoiding and ignoring the shit out of Valentino that following race weekend.

One thing I was thinking about is the fact that Yamaha&Honda PR people are going to want them to spend at least a couple of days together during the summer break. There is a meeting where Valentino says "Marc can just come by the ranch and train with the boys" and the PR lady looks at him very sternly and says "You can do that in addition to what we've already planned for you, we already have an assortment of resorts selected in a handful of countries, you can pick the one you want".

The two of them at a beach resort where they're supposed to be seen (and photographed together) (and they have to post some insta stories of their own) when Marc is avoiding Valentino and Valentino is hyper frustrated with him? Yep. Fun.

We 100% have a scene where someone (who doesn't know about them) hits on Marc at the bar by the pool and Marc is letting himself be seduced (leaning into the guy's space, smiling at him way too much, etc) and Valentino intervenes, going all possessive and "There you are, honey", hand firmly wrapped around Marc's hip.

Ensue a fight because Valentino can't understand why Marc is jeopardizing their whole thing and Marc is just like "sorry if it felt good to be wanted and have things be done in my terms for once". Valentino's very "???" because why the fuck is Marc implying that he's never wanted him and we have Marc telling Valentino that he was the one always picking when they could hook up and that Marc never had a say in their relationship, that it always been only about what Valentino wanted (what part of this is true and what part is Marc's anger blowing things up? eh).

I can't play the full fight in my head right now and maybe they need some room to breathe or not, but I think they end up hooking up again there. Less sweet than at the gala, back to how hard they could go at each other at their beginnings.

This time, Marc can't disappear the next morning. Honestly, I can fully see them living in this little fantasy (the beach resort where they can kiss in public and no one will bat an eye) for like 3 days.

Do we have Marc's breakdown/disappearance number two when they go back to real life or are things better? Again, timeline issues. Maybe they need to have a moment™️ on track to spice things up. Who knows. Like, I don't know who would have made the mistake but imagine Valentino saying in press conference something like "it's okay, I/he apologized and we talked and we're fine, this was just racing, we respect each other, we can be adults about this and move on". Valentino, baby, do you really think you were behaving like a smart adult in Sepang? This call for Marc calling him out but these discussions go towards making them better at communication and fixing some shit they need to fix before they can have a healthy relationship or something.

Is Vale FINALLY getting his shit together, telling Marc that he wants to have everything with him for real?

A big question is when does Vale realize that he went into this because he cares about Marc and he should have handled his 2015 feelings better and he actually wants a proper relationship with Marc.

I think those realizations would take a) time b) for him to actually discuss those feelings with someone and I'm not sure who that could be (considering how limited his options are here with how little people know about the whole fraud thing they're conducting). Uccio? Never. Luca? He's just 18 and not someone Valentino wants to bother with these issues. Jorge? Even if he's been playing nice (nicer than usual) with Valentino since he was put in the confidence of their secret but their relationship is far away from "relationship advices" levels. That probably leaves Dani, who I've always seen as a very neutral character in this whole mess they created for themselves irl. Maybe he could actually help (while having Marc's feelings in consideration). Things to consider.

Is he being shitty to other people because he can't let his anger out otherwise?

See, I hadn't even considered that but maybe. Although he's being even more careful of his image than usual so maybe not. Also, I've said Valentino was frustrated with Marc at times but then he'll remember that Marc is 23 and struggling and the whole reason Valentino agreed to this to begin with was because he knew Marc couldn't do it on his own so, it calms it to remember that.

How does Marc feel during media stuff with Vale????

Oh boy, so shitty. I don't think any of them are inherently good and enjoy media stuff. Vale has learned how to manage it in a way that suits him but let's not pretend it's his favorite activity in the world. Marc? He was doing fairly okay his first few years, always bubbly and optimistic in his press conferences (canon) but the aftermath of Sepang sure put a dampener on his relationship with the press.

Doing media stuff with Vale? Not something he initially feels comfortable doing at all. As @moonshynecybin excellently wrote it here, Vale is good at helping Marc relax, tho, or doing his best to help him to. It takes a while but it's not like Marc is immune to Valentino's charm and with time, I do believe it gets better and they manage to banter together in front of a camera (just like the old days baby).

#.......yeah #thank you for the ask!! #rpf #forced coming out au #4693 #my writing

[asmrtist-brainrot]

Yandere Listeners

Again, it's mostly soft yans. But I wanted to explore the ideas a little more.

I'll be using they/them pronouns since the Listeners have characterization that I can reposition.

The most murdery/violent is probably Boo.

Have this as a little apology for my lack of posts. ^^;

This might just be a part one to more???

~ Dari

Warning(s): References of murder, stabbing, knives, decapitation, torture, and knives. Implied Cannibalism(mostly just a Sweeney Todd reference). Bittersweet Spoilers. Disturbing - Obsessive/Possessive Behavior.

Angel (Redacted ASMR)

honestly, it only took a moment for them want to start following David

usually though, it's not in their MO or yandere type to be stalking - but after they've seen him again and again so many times... they just accept it as is

even actively looking for him and used their charm and natural charisma to be able to make him believe that it was a coincidence

lowkey delusional; most definitely thinks of their meetings as fated

honestly... Michael might have the worst experience in this timeline because the minute he presented himself as a possible threat to their relationship with David, they're ready to cash in his life warranty

and steal their cat back

they adore the wolf pack and quietly considers killing for them, and often; it's pretty darn likely that they could get away with it too - after all...

they're only a delicate little unempowered human. how could they have killed someone so much stronger than them?

like Sweetheart's asshole coworkers, Quinn, and so on are probably... not safe?

they don't usually end up going through with killing after the mention of seers and telepaths being a thing; but there are some rather twisted ideas in their head on how they'd deal with Quinn

he is most definitely not prepared when he goes after them

they learned everything they could about vampires and used every exploitable thing to use against him

he was lucky he was caught, Angel would have somehow turned his ribs into a knife holder and turned his spine into a belt for what he's done

Caelum is probably pretty concerned with all these... thoughts that pass through their feelings -

but they haven't ever acted on any of them, so it should be okay!

... right?

Boo (YuuriVoice)

they're unsurprisingly willing to kill for their boys, that was definitely after their brief internal rage at Seth reappearing and raising hell

honestly, when when they seeked him out in the woods - his fate hinged on how he would have reacted to their confrontation...

it was likely he would've easily been poisoned and body disposed of, if not for the fact that Boo was still emotionally mature and fully self-aware

their bloodlust fell away when they see how broken up he truly was and that he just... wanted to move on

so they helped, despite their obsession screeching at them not to

when Seth was jumped, when you saw him busted up - that was it

he was under your protection, and you promised to yourself that you'd gut Derek like a fish given the first chance

you would see the son of a fuck dead if it was the last thing you did

even Charlie and Jessie weren't necessarily safe, being as you could still be reasoned with - it was good you didn't have to kill them

"that boy's got a family now and ain't nothing gonna take it from him" is the line that saved Jess from your wrath in particular

you were sure you couldn't help Seth heal his poor little heart from this loss

but if either of them made sure that harm could never come to your boys again - you would absolutely wipe them too

the only people that are aware is the storyweaver Finn

and Derek, who is most definitely terrified of you, regardless if he's been killed in another storyline (the percentage of you killing him vs. everyone else is high, so you've been the end of him many times)

there are bloodier timelines - ones with Seth disappearing after the first confrontation, ones where Jessie is presumably wiped by Derek, where Charlie was allegedly to be caught by another thug for bring a rat... Just ones with you with another body under your belt

it's really good that Alphonse and Seth never find out about this streak of cruelty - you could never bring it in yourself to hurt them after learning to love them so deeply

when Al warns other people to be more concerned about what you could do over what he would do is more true than he could ever know

everybody is real fucking lucky that you weren't Sweeney Todd's Ms. Lovett, because the body count on you could make enough meat pies to fill a house

Cheeky (Scythe Audio)

bitches should be absolutely praying that they don't drive this little lightbulb over the edge, because they are asking for all the wrong things to happen

Cheeky is a pacifist for the most part, they fight to defend, to make sure they're doing their part in saving the world and can instants when people need to die for the greater good

but people need to stop testing them

the yan trait thing wss probably triggered through their isolation as an experiment, realizing how alone they were

seeing V again and being able to live with him was enough for them to grow that attachment; Cheeky is also very lucid and try everything to stamp out their tendencies

L in particular was saved because she was just so very important to their V, despite their burning jealousy

the Atrocity was actually surpised at the fact their utter fury and bloodlust at the loss of the children, that it was all pointed at him as well

it also amused him as he taunted them for being kindred spirits

at least until they broke out of his mind control with the blood boiling wrath they felt at being compared to him in any manner

Atrocity is even taken aback by the animosity

"How can we be alike if you have no one? When no one ever loved you in the first place?"

they stabbed him right in that sore spot, having seen into his mind for just a second

their light powers are nearly bolstered by this love for V and L and their hits actually hurt... they hurt a lot

but they're still not as skilled yet, so the other two still stepped in...

maybe it's best they learn how to channel this rage of their's; with any luck, they could do more permanent damage

they aim to keep him Atrocity as a toothless head and watch him die slowly...

hopefully in time

but first, they have a bone to pick with Anima

#villain series #redacted asmr #headcanons #dari writes #redacted audio #yuurivoice #bittersweet #bittersweet spoilers #angel #yandere #yandere redacted #yandere scythe audio #yandere bittersweet #boo #cheeky #//stalking #//death mention #//dismemberment #//death #//obsessive behavior #//violence #//toxic relationship

[thebroccolination]

it confuses the hell out of me how Tumblr out of all places harbors most negativity toward BMF. situation it's much better now though, but the early period and before the show aired was nothing but spite an vitriol filling the tags. on the bright side, pretty much every other platform is head over heels for BMF, especially Reddit. they're usually critical af but BMF seems to be universally praised. anyways, I'm beyond excited for the remaining eps, and here's hoping for a strong finale so this show becomes one of the often recommended ones 🙏

On BMF getting more negativity on Tumblr than other places:

I thiiiiink it's because Tumblr has an especially high North American/European user base, and that's where the majority of the Krist hate seems to come from. What people still point to (the IG story, the rape filter joke, the "I don't want to watch Singto specifically kiss other men because this is fanservice on a variety TV show that people are going to quote out of context as me saying I don't like watching men kiss" thing) are either debunked or happened years ago, but when interfans arrived in droves in 2020, they kicked up old news like it was brand new and passed around hearsay like it was fact.

I mean, even I've learned new things since I made my post and thread about Krist back in September. For one, GMM didn't arrange his press conference in 2020 to address the issues. Krist did. Even though he'd already apologized multiple times over the years for things he never repeated, he still wanted to take accountability because of the amount of attention interfans were bringing to it. Part of that press conference was Krist even saying he'd never make excuses for what he's done and that he'll apologize as long as he's asked to.

The first(?) apology Krist made for the IG story was long, long ago, one I can't even find a translation for, that's how long ago it was. But Krist's long-time fans said that someone did translate it, but their English wasn't strong, so interfans picked apart their translation as if Krist's apology was lacking. (It's like how some interfans criticized Win in Between Us for being forceful because the subtitles originally said "kiss me" when what he actually said in Thai was "can I kiss you?" Interfans who don't speak Thai just make assumptions based on translations sometimes and it's part of my villain origin story.) Again, I don't have the apology to hand, but apparently one part of it was Krist saying something like, "I responded without thinking of how it would look. As a Y actor, I don't have those kinds of bigoted thoughts. This is my home, and I'm very proud of and supportive of the community that's raised me and cared for me," and the fan translation apparently paraphrased all of that into something like, "As a BL actor, of course I'm not homophobic." So like. Even when he's apologized, interfans have historically found a way to throw rocks at him anyway, so it gets exhausting to see people casually calling him homophobic because Melanie in Minnesota saw a screenshot of an IG story on Twitter and then made a list of six problematic BL actors you should definitely avoid because they skin babies and punt puppies into volcanoes.

On BMF being great:

I'm so excited for the last three episodes. \:D/

I'm so proud of Krist and Gawin for the work they've done up until now. It's wild to think about the amount of information they had to keep in mind as they were filming. Because, like, series already film out of order, but they also had to keep in mind different timelines of the same characters out of order. The fact that you can see not only Kawi's growth but everyone else's as well so fluidly and consistently over the episodes so far says a great deal about the quality of the production, I think. The directing, the writing, the acting. All of it is really, truly phenomenal.

Aaahhhh why is it only Tuesday. :'(

ANYWAY thank you, Anon! Sorry for the rant about Krist. I'm just tired of seeing him get so much hate for years on end when he's such a loving and giving person who's been a vocal queer ally since SOTUS. Not just during Pride, either. He really has been deeply misconstrued by interfans at large, and I just hope the people who've made up their minds about hating him (and the ones who've made their hate so public they're too stubborn to admit they misread him) will just learn to ignore him and stop tormenting him. He's already suffered panic attacks and depression as a result of the constant abuse, and it's repulsive that anyone thinks that's acceptable to do.

#kiranokira answers #krist perawat #be my favorite

[whitleyschn33]

…that Whitney post was just beautiful despite that tragic past.

I think the worse part about this: when weiss came back again she insulted, look down on Whitney and worse of all pointed a sword at him. (A gun sword where god forbid it goes off: accidental or worse)

Honestly I truly hated how Whitney was supposed to give that hug to weiss despite weiss not earning it.

Whitney should had pushed her away or even slapped her. (Maybe I am too harsh but you don’t get to do all these awful actions and expect me to be civilized with you)

If anything those scenes made me hate weiss, winter and especially willow for their actions.

I'm pretty sure I've made this joke before but -

Because, like, we get the set-up for a reconciliation where Weiss recognizes why Whitley would be angry with her and take that chance to reach out to him with her scene with Willow, but then the next time she sees him, she threatens and scolds him, treating him like a child. Then the next scene after that is her acting like she forgives him and hugging him and all is well, and that's all well and good on her end since we've never seen Whitley do anything but be a brat so it's easy for her to forgive him, but then what about Whitley?? Like - you still left him behind, multiple times, and until this very moment when he does something genuinely kind and decent for a friend he has no reason to give a shit about, specifically saying he's not doing it for you, you decide that that's the end of it? And then Whitley's anger just vanishes and it's all good? That's bullshit.

Whitley still has every right to be upset and angry when nothing on his end of the emotional situation was concluded. Weiss never talked about anything with him or acted like she did anything wrong - and let me be clear, leaving an abusive environment was not wrong for her to do, but that doesn't mean it didn't still hurt Whitley - or even apologize for forcing her way in and threatening him with her weapon. Weiss does nothing with the insight Willow gives her and does nothing to earn any sort of goodwill on Whitley's part, but because Weiss has chosen to forgive him, Whitley just has to accept it I guess because we can't have anyone actually remember their motivations when it's time for them to join the good guy squad. Doesn't matter how angry you might have been about being left behind in a neglectful and abusive environment, boy, your sister has forgiven you for the sin of being pissy with her, so it's all in the past now! I'd rant more, but I've actually got an entire breakdown on these scenes here, so, uh, check it out if you're interested, lol.

I... can't see Whitley actually slapping anyone, it doesn't seem his style, but he sure as hell looked very uncomfortable to be hugged by Weiss until he was forced to accept it!

And God, Willow. The fact that she's well aware of what she's done with regard to raising Whitley but then just... doesn't seem to care until he's almost killed? Miss me with hasty redemption - you abandoned your children for years, abandoned your son for the past day or two, and suddenly because you saved his life it's all okay? No. It's not. And the fact that Whitley is made to just smile and nod is frankly a bit sickening.

(Thank you, though! Just kinda wanted to put into perspective how young Whitley was when all of this was going down. Like I said in the post, I do personally lean more towards him being 15 or 16, the idea of him being 12 when Weiss leaves for Beacon just feels wrong, but with how vague the timeline and their ages are, Whitley being 5 when their family falls apart for good is a very real and very tragic possibility.)

#rwde #whitley schnee #ask reply #i know there's bigger fish to fry #but this is still atrocious writing

[blanketorghost]

A taste of Something New (Pt. 1)

"When I'm not with you, I think of you always..."

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Yuu vignette!! I did promise some Yuu pining pre-Azul catching feelings so <3

Fic under the cut!

Summary: Against his better judgement, Yuu wants to bring Azul a meaningful souvenir from the scalding sands.

• Pairing: Yuu Fujisaki x Azul Ashengrotto (one-sided), Azul Ashengrotto x Jamil Viper (implied, one-sided)

• Timeline: During/Post Al'ab Narya and Ch. 4. Pre Ch. 5

• Notes: Azul may be OOC? Have never been good at writing him convincingly imho

----

A simple, recycled cardboard cover. Lined ivory paper with the faintest smell of persimmon. That's what Yuu first saw when he got the idea. The item in itself... wasn't something that really caught much attention when placed besides its other, flashier patterned hard-cover companions. But it was what he could afford on his meager budget. Either way, what mattered was the content.

For the writing materials, though... pencil would be best in theory. But wouldn't that be a bit tacky? Careless, even? Pencil meant insecurity of oneself... leniency. It meant you didn't trust yourself not to make any mistakes. At least, Yuu thought, that's what Azul would assume, right? He was all about appearances. Maybe ink would be a better option.

What if he messed up writing, though?

Yuu picks up another notebook from the stall and ponders. He could always write two just to be safe.

With a heavy sigh, Yuu pays for the stationery alongside some trinkets Grim had gotten enthralled by, checking the price on each one.

Still on budget. Nice.

The idea of gifting Azul a recipe book had come to him on a whim, something he only realized when Jamil was guiding them through Camel market. Seeing all the foreign fruit, smelling such different scents than he was used to... Surely, this could benefit Azul's research for Mostro Lounge. At first, he had thought of just buying the book ready-made, full of expert recipes and images for reference. But wouldn't that be just... too easy? If Azul wanted a Scalding Sands recipe book, he could just order it online. If anything, Yuu could even accidentally gift him a double of one of the many, many books he had on his personal library. So why not make a unique one instead?

It would definitely be a challenge to write in such short notice, though.

To be entirely honest, Yuu wasn't exactly a foodie. His cooking was meant to be easy and cheap as to not go over the meager allowance Crowley gave him each month, and he barely had any time to indulge on cooking anything else than what was essential for him and Grim to survive. He didn't even know where to start. Compared to people like Trey or Jamil, he was already at a disadvantage. And his own skewed sense of self and ego didn't allow him to ask for any help in the matter, so he was stuck at square one.

All of these thoughts and others flooded Yuu's brain as he chewed on the veggie shawarma he'd been offered for lunch. In fact, if it weren't for the sudden disappearance of one of the orders, he would've kept on chewing at it while looking absentmindedly at the crowds passing by.

"Grim... what did I tell you about stealing food?"

"Fgnah! Don't look at me that way!! I didn't take anything! Why take ONE wrap when I could swipe a whole spit of meat from the stall? I'd get way more food!"

"Please don't do that. Ever." Jamil chimes in. And for once, Yuu has to agree with anything he says.

As the group recounts their orders, Yuu looks down at Grim, who's spared little talk after being wrongfully accused of shawarma theft. The little guy was glaring at the ground and had his arms crossed, tapping his foot on the sandy floor as he awaited an apology.

"... wanna try mine?" Yuu crowches down to his friend's level and offers his own wrap to Grim, who side-eyes it momentarily before whipping his head away.

"You ain't gonna eat it?"

"I'm not hungry." Yuu dangles the shawarma in an attempt to make it look enticing, some veggies falling to the ground.

Grim eyes the wrap suspiciously before quickly swiping it from Yuu's hands with starry eyes, basically devouring it as soon as he gets it. Taking big bites and making a little mess on his hands with the sticky sauce. "Mmmh! The vegetables are so fresh and crunchy! The onions and bell peppers are perfectly sautéed and the cumin really makes the cauliflower taste even better! Mnh..." Grim takes another bite of the shawarma, completely delighted. "The lime's also super refreshing. And the chickpeas are crunchy on the outside and butteyr on the inside! It's a perfect balance!"

"Hm. You can really taste all that?" Yuu asks, a little amused at his friend's detailed explanation.

"An'... *munch* this is *munch* just the basics!" Grim exclaims proudly in-between bites. "I could totally tell you every ingredient in this!"

"Do you, now?" Yuu hums. It may be a long shot, but maybe Grim's big appetite could finally be useful. He may not get ratios right, but that would be a good start. "... Hey, Grim? I've got a proposal for you."

#twisted wonderland #yuu fujisaki #azul ashengrotto #twst grim #fanfic stuff #azuyuu #azul x yuu #yuu is actually my pathetic little meaow meow #does azul even deserve him tbh

[icypantherwrites]

Update on AO3 Situation + Final RAINN Support Event

(this is a little long, but please, if possible, read to the end.)

AO3 has *finally* reinstated my fanfiction To Become the Nightmare and in a way this nightmare situation is over. I'm still extremely frustrated and disappointed though with AO3 especially as I am 99.9% certain the only reason my issue was finally addressed was because I tagged their support page on Twitter/X rather than any of my emails and communications to their actual Policy and Abuse team. They also provided no apology or reason for the delay or an explanation for why their staff provided a 1-week timeline that they then ignored for 3.5 weeks. I'm grateful to have my story back, but this entire ordeal has been awful in so many ways.

I will also admit on a personal note it was also disheartening to see how many folks sent me messages, asks (to the point I locked them down on Tumblr) and comments on AO3 stories (of which I'd know there'd be even more if AO3 hadn't made the blanket decision to lock down all guest comments) wanting to know where I'd be updating now, getting upset over the fact I use Patreon as they don't want paywalls to read my works, asking about the status of current stories and former stories, etc. and very rarely, if at all, even taking into account how all of this was affecting me.

I have poured years into posting on AO3, on making it a platform where I have over 2.5 million words worth of stories for everyone to enjoy, and am dealing with AO3 painting me as some villain because I linked to an organization to try to help sexual assault victims, and their complete lack of communication on top of all of that felt intentional. It's put me in a really bad mental health state and coming in daily to see multiple people asking and asking about how will *they* read my stories and making me feel guilty for not updating just... it really hurt. And the answer was I didn't know entirely what was going to happen and was still hoping for the best outcome with AO3. And contrary to some of the accusations I received, I never intended to put all of my new and upcoming works behind a Patreon paywall and certainly never planned to delete any works other than the single one I mentioned (and I explained why that was). I may have used Patreon's platform (because it has better formatting than say Tumblr) and made the works posted there available to the public (anyone can join as a free member, fyi), but that was never the end-game and the fact so many people got mad and angry and posted honestly kind of cruel asks and comments... I'm really hurt. I'm a person too and I share my works with my own time and energy and to have everyone so embroiled in this "me me me" energy when I was really struggling with what AO3 did, just... makes me not want to post anymore anywhere at all. I won't do that because I won't punish those folks who have been supportive and kind, but please, take a moment before you comment to think how it feels to be the recipient of a message like that. That's all the energy left I have to spend on that but please, be kind. Be understand. Be appreciative for what you do have and remember always that authors have feelings too.

Going forward I'll be looking to get back to updating existing stories and publishing some backlog on AO3 during this suspension/lock; however, I will be holding off on that until AO3 lifts their own blanket ban on guest comments as I know there are plenty of folks who prefer to engage that way and/or haven't yet been able to get accounts. You may have seen as well that my account, given that it seems to be AI-bots leading the reason for the guest ban, has been locked down to only AO3 accounts able to read my works. That will remain in effect until AO3 releases theirs and it may be something I ultimately do to protect my account and my works in the future, but for now once the current AO3 situation has been resolved that will go back to access to guest accounts as well.

In the meantime, with To Become the Nightmare restored and the fact my earlier RAINN support events have thus far yielded $2 for me to donate (which hurts in other ways xD Come on y'all, financial support for a great organization and some emotional support and love for the author, what's not to like about that?) I'm going to do one final event to try to raise some funds for RAINN and at least try to make a small, positive difference in all of this mess.

For the remainder of this week, anyone who leaves an engaged comment (100+ words, no quote-backs in that word count, about the fanfiction at hand) on To Become the Nightmare I will donate $2 per comment to RAINN. It would also personally mean a lot to me as this story never really had a lot of comment engagement in the first place AND on top of that it got a really, really toxic comment. I unfortunately get those folks regularly on sexual assault recovery fanfictions I write because they refuse to accept that everyone heals in different ways AND also refuse to take accountability where if they don't like what they're reading they have the power to hit the back button on their browser and just not read it. I left that particular comment up (you can see it on page 2) if you want a taste of some of the people I still encounter to this day. Anyways, it would mean a lot to hear from those who may want to read it, but given that it both a; has sexual assault and b; is an M-rating please do read it at your own discretion. I'm posting the full summary below and please read the warnings tagged on the story. I'll post an update at the end of the week with how much we managed to raise for RAINN (and if you'd like to donate on your own too, please feel free~! ♥)

To Become the Nightmare

Summary: [College AU] “And if you didn’t want to have fun,” nails dug into Lance’s skin as the grip tightened and Dios, he couldn’t move, he couldn’t move, “then you shouldn’t have been such a pretty little tease, freshie. You wanted to hang with the big boys? Well,” he chuckled, “welcome to the real party.” Hot breath wafted over Lance’s face as the upperclassmen smirked down at him. “Now let’s get it started.”

#voltron #vld #lance #langst #fanfiction #fanfic #icypanther #icypantherwrites #rainn #donation #support #ao3 #archive of our own

[stormblessed95]

Hi! With the new drops do we now know why JM was extra shy during his birthday? 🤔

Thanks for your hard work doing all the compilations/timeline updates! Always stay safe! 💜

OH BOY. Okay, soooo I like almost don't want to Answer this because "shippy" theories have me EXHAUSTED lately, ive been sticking myself firmly in a just vibing with the facts headspace for the past month or so. But ever since memories dropped I've had people referencing back to this ask, that I got a WHILE ago now. Where I said, ask me again after memories 2021 and I have more content to base my thoughts around over why Jimin was in his "blushing era" around JK during Fall/start of winter of 2021. And well, yall certainly didn't forget about that 😂😂 And I apologize to you, anon, in particular for making you wait for MONTHS with this ask just chilling at the bottom of my inbox lol

As I mentioned in the ask, we saw blushing Jimin start at around the beginning of September and we didn't see it much again after the last time which was during the PTD Concerts when JK got super up in Jimin's face

But after we got more content, in the form of bangtan bombs, concert dvds and memories, the amount of times Jimin was blushing (including the 2 I've shown here and the others mentioned in the previous ask linked above), there were not anymore instances. So the "theories" i mentioned having about a possible dynamic shift, I'm not so sure if it was a shift, or just them enjoying the moment and/or just enjoying each other. Plans were starting to get set into motion, everyone was discussing exactly when they would start enlisting, what concerts they would get to have and get to do before that happened. Something else to note was that during this time frame, Jimin and JK had also started to plan out and start doing fittings for their photofolios for this time. We know because in one of the preview sketches for Jimins, he was in the same outfit as a ot7 vlive they did and for JK all his piercings match up to that time frame too. He didn't have as many before and he has since had multiple taken out/closed up. And those were some sexy concepts they both participated in. With some interesting dynamics and expressionism portrayed too

And well who knows how this stuff carried over into home settings, into conversations they were having. If either of them looked over ideas/sketches together or any selcas taken and sent to each other. All that is just guess work but who knows. My partner doing sexy photoshoot concepts would be something I find enjoyable and could attribute to possibly blushing or just general enjoyment of each other (not necessarily in an 18+ only either)

So, we have incredibly sexy photoshoots they are coming home from planning and shooting and sharing with each other. We have blushing happening on JKs birthday, where we know they saw each other, spent some time together and worked on the 3J butter routine, where Jimin blushed a bit watching JK push his hair back repeatedly. Which um, where do we see JK repeatedly pushing his hair back and trying to thirst trap us again? Oh yeah, Jimins birthday video THIS year lol

We also saw a bit of an uptick in the matching accessories between them during that time period too. But as I also mentioned in the first post, it's not like JK never made Jimin blush before. He has done so OFTEN over the years actually. JK just has this affect on Jimin where he just melts like butter when he looks at him. Lol its adorable. And it also goes both ways. Soooo I guess what it's coming down to here is.... I have NO IDEA. And I'm okay with that. I don't think he was shy and blushy over things like hickeygate. I don't think he was blushing over people thinking they were boyfriends. I don't think they went off and got married and was blushy through their "honeymoon period." I don't think there was necessarily any shift in their dynamics here either.

I think they were just.... happy together and a little extra in love. Maybe because they were reaffirming their commitment to each other over those few months as all their futures were up in the air and MS was around the corner and they knew things were going to be changing. Maybe they were making sure to see each other in New light and reconnect together and make promises together through all these events where they didn't know if it would be their last ones for a while yet or not. These were conversations being had between the members for years finally coming to a head and... maybe they just made sure to give each other extra appreciation and love through it all. Which affected Jimin in this way of blushing and shy happiness. Or when JK was being extra attentive, like on his birthday when he was super sweet to Jimin all through practice and then through his VLive too. They really were just very soft those few months. It's really nice to see too.

Sorry that's not much of an answer honestly, but it's all I've got for yall at this moment. And I personally, am okay with that. I'm okay with not knowing what was going on during those months or what Jimin was thinking about during those times. I think they are cute and precious moments that highlight something a little special about their bond. But everything else above? That's just pure speculation. I'm good with just leaving it at, their bond is pure and special and sweet. And these moments give us a peak into that dynamic between them just a little bit. And I'm grateful for it.💜

^ from practice on Jimins birthday 🥰

Hope that helped explain my thoughts at least a little? It was probably really rambling, but I hope it made sense. Lol thank you for the ask and always holding me accountable to follow through on what I say I'll do! 🤣 Hope you guys all have a lovely day!

#jikook #kookmin #jikook blushing #JM blushing era #jikook in 2021 #jikook 2021 dynamics

[raytorosaurus]

maybe this is a 'hot take' for which i apologize but. i feel like fanart is a big aspect of this too- how different even is it to make 'rpf' of gerards stage characters as opposed to fanart of it. it's essentially only a different medium. keeping it separate from gerard (Person In Reality Who Has A Life) outside of (character he made up to have fun with) can also easily be an invitation for fans to have fun with it too. which is why a healthy relationship with it can and does bring good things. in theory i mean. ive never seen an mcr fanfic i really liked but :p

yeah i see what you mean, it's one of the reasons that the step from tumblr (or twitter) fandom to the ao3 tag feels like. quite an arbitrary place to draw the line? as if the same thoughts and behaviours are fine right up into they're intentionally put to prose - but images or even comics are okay, textposts discussing their emotions and states of mind as extrapolated from live shows or song lyrics, putting research into constructing timelines of their lives or compiling facts about them as people - even writing (sometimes quite detailed) sexually explicit posts/tags about them is common around here. i do a lot of these things too - i'm not saying they're inherently wrong or bad - but i genuinely don't see how they're any less prone to being disrespectful or invasive or comically removed from reality than a writer putting them in a situation lol. they all involve some level of assumption, scrutiny, and interpretation.

there are definitely valid arguments to make against engaging with rpf in a fandom sense! i totally respect that, and it's something i felt kind of ashamed/guilty about when i first got into mcr, so i understand the reservations. it's just that...the way i see it, i truly think those arguments just as reasonably apply to so much of what happens in any fandom involving real people. behaviours that are extremely common and far from unique to the online fan spaces of today, to the point where avoiding them is a more conscious decision than engaging in them. i respect if people do make that choice, but...that isn't any of us who are running mcr fanblogs yk? haha.

anyway yeah. i agree with you anon, i reckon most people's definition of what does and doesn't entail rpf is just a lot narrower than the reality. there's a lot of extremely beautiful, highly-skilled emotive fanart out there, for which i'm so appreciative! i 100% don't mean it as an insult when i say those often a different kind of rpf. so are the emotive posts about how much this tour means to all the guys, how happy they are, how much they love each other and how they're all friends. i'm not saying these things are untrue, i'm just saying they absolutely don't paint an unbiased holistic picture of real human beings and their genuine emotional states hahaha. neither does fanfiction. and i just think it's impossible to not realise that if you're engaging with fanfic in any kind of thoughtful way, as opposed to reblogging textposts about them on tumblr that also project a lot onto them, yk?

and okay. i also think "the bible/succession/velvet goldmine etc etc is rpf too! shakespeare wrote rpf!" is equally as reductive as "rpf is when fangirls write about band members boning each other." as always, there's just so much more nuance there. what does and doesn't make rpf is a lot more about intent, and if you're parasocially attached to these people as deeply as we all are, most of us just share that same intent. and from what i've seen (though in fairness this is the first real person fandom i've been in, and i only really talk to other adults) it tends to be the people actively engaging with fanfic who are a better at accepting how much of fandom is pure projection and assumption based on very limited information. and that acceptance is a huge part of having a healthier relationship with celebrities/bands/bandom (along with the conscious acknowledgement that these people don't owe us anything at all besides the shows we bought tickets for - least of all insight into their personal lives or private thoughts.)

like genuinely? free your minds. we're all making shit up based on the little parts we see, i think it's healthier and more fun to openly accept that. who cares what's real when we can talk about things in terms of narratives and arcs and metaphors - none of which truly exist in real life, which is infinitely complex and individual and messy. or, more precisely, who cares what's real as long as you know what isn't! and keep that stuff far far away from the real human people involved in the band.

#my god im sorry this is so long and probably very repetitive. djdmfjdj. #but yeah im with you anon #answered #mcr talk

[broken-clover]

oh? Don't like Tamers? It ain't my favorite either but usually people like it, any particular reason? Or is it like me with 02, just a general dislike you can't place?

Huh, amazed to realize I haven't actually aired my grievances with it on here before. Peculiar.

So this is absolutely going to turn into a long post, apologies in advance, but the ultimate thesis of fundamental issues I have with Tamers is that it sets out to be a dark deconstruction of a 'Mons series but does very little that's interesting or compelling with it.

(Full disclosure, most of what I have seen of Tamer is the dub version. I have seen a few portions of it in its original Japanese, but not all of it. Due to that, it is entirely possible that some of my issues with the season are better addressed there- however, I have also been told that Tamers was the most faithful dub done thusfar with very little changes made)

I'll try to format into bullets for the sake of cleanliness

-First and foremost, one of the main differentiating factors in Tamers compared to prior seasons is supposedly that Digimon do die when defeated as opposed to being reborn. That's supposed to be a lot of what makes this season 'dark' but I can't help but find it flawed. Characters dying was already pretty important to the first two seasons, even when it came to the Digimon themselves- heck, Wizardmon by himself was one of the most impactful losses in the series overall, and he was never reborn due to having died in the human world. It's hard to feel like this is such an abrupt change to the status quo when it was present in the first season. Not to the same severity, sure, but it feels like far less of a brazen change.

-(Even without straight-up permadeath, the other seasons were still able to have plenty of threats and terrible fates! Even if they would come back later, characters dying was still something treated with weight and sorrow instead of being brushed off. I know it's heavily opinionated, but just having 'and then a character dies' as the end-all be-all bad end starts to feel dull and uninteresting after long enough. I feel like a similar example to this is with the dub version of Yu-Gi-Oh! Shadow Realm jokes aside, it at least offered something a little different as opposed to the more liberal use of killing in the source material. Limitation breeds creativity.)

-In general, I'm just not a huge fan of Konaka's style. That's much more of a personal thing than an actual issue. I think he tends to rely more on atmosphere and dark motifs rather than substance. It feels sort of like his style is an actual example of the mentality that 'Evangelion and Madoka Magica are just edgy deconstructions for the sake of being edgy' that is still alive today, despite the fact that both examples use that deconstruction to say something and make a point.

-(I feel that his work tends to lack a similar sense of substance in Tamers. It's also very hard to not bring up his increasing fixation on conspiracy theories and rallying against 'political correctness' and 'cancel culture' over the last decade or so. While I know those don't overtly tie into Tamers, in hindsight it's easy to see some of those themes in a slighter sense, and in general it just sours a lot of his work in hindsight)

-Explicitly making the first two seasons fictional in-universe made little sense to me. While I don't have an issue with that fundamentally, it's that it completely borks up the timeline when Ryo gets introduced later and how any of that is supposed to work just never gets explained or clarified

-Actually yeah on that note lemme skip ahead and talk about Ryo. I know sixth ranger-types that get added later are common to this series but in my opinion he's easily one of the worst implemented. He might've been neat as a cameo, but he instead ends up being a main character for the last leg of the series. He's a canon foreigner from the Wonderswan games, which only so many people would have been familiar with, but neither his presence in Tamers nor the plot of the Wonderswan titles are given much explanation to get newcomers up to speed on who he is or what his relevance is. He's just kinda here

-He also doesn't really do much to make up for his late introduction and lack of explanation. Really it mostly feels like his main role is to be good at everything, especially in regard to being the one guy that's better at the card game than Rika. While I know a lot of her character development was about learning humility, a lot of that had already been done by the time he showed up, and it feels like an underhanded way of making her appear weaker.

-The cards. I think it could've been a half-decent series gimmick, I mean Xros Wars did something similar and kept it consistent, but that consistency was lacking in Tamers and led it to feel half-baked. The cards served a purpose in a few instances, mostly for evolution, but the modification aspect feels poorly integrated and isn't really used much in the latter half of the season

-The Digital World isn't majorly developed in the story. Which sucks, because I really liked the approach they took to it! It was distinctly different from the Adventure series', being more alien and unsettling. We get information on how it was formed, but I felt it lacked a lot of punch given that we see so little of it.

-The whole arc with the Devas just kinda...stops. We get 90% of the way through and follow them into the Digital World to confront their master (or at least one of them) and then the fight just gets cut off. If we were just gonna be able to have a peaceful resolution and collaboration with Zhuqiaomon anyway why did we go to the trouble of building him up as an antagonist and slaughtering several of his minions. Are none of the Devas especially bothered that several of their underlings just died? Are we going to analyze any implications of their deaths instead of just brushing them off?

-I do love Calumon, I thought his antics were cute, but fundamentally his main purpose was to be a plot trinket.

-Kazu and Kenta were mostly useless to the plot and didn't have much character development, there wasn't much bonding between them and their partners, MarineAngemon was pretty overpowered and it's not explained why a side character is the only one to have a Mega-level as their default partner.

-There are twice as many secondary characters as main characters and almost none of them get much character development. Many times while watching I would think to myself 'why are you even here'

-I think Jeri's arc was interesting in theory, but implemented a little oddly. I felt like her main purpose in the series was to have bad things happen to her and there was a point partway through the D-Reaper arc where it started to feel excessive. I don't understand the point of psychologically tormenting a 10/12 year old for several episodes straight to the point where they try to kill themselves on-screen. She was simultaneously very important to the final arc of the series but does very little of her own volition aside from being a prisoner in need to rescue.

And don't get me wrong, there are things I think the season does very well! I liked Impmon's arc, I like the smaller primary cast allowing for more interpersonal moments and a closer bond between tamers and partners, while also giving the 'Mons themselves a lot more fleshed out personalities compared to the past two seasons (in particular both Rika and Renamon were highlights in term of character development by themselves and with each other), I like the heavier use of computer motifs, and I'm not wholly opposed to the darker tone it tried to go for.

But I think a decent amount of my dislike comes from the sheer amount of praise this season gets. I'd be fine accepting it as a flawed yet ambitious offering that offers plenty of its own original flair, but I constantly see people call it the 'best season by far' pretty much entirely because of its darker themes. I feel it tends to get overhyped for its 'grittiness' despite not implementing it all that well or feeling like it does much meaningful with that darker tone aside from using it for shock value. To me Tamers symbolizes a lot of the internet's tendency to go 'darker = more adult = inherently better than something more 'childish'' so that tends to sour my view of it quite a bit. I just wish its flaws were looked at more often, because I feel fans tend to be a lot more critical of the other seasons and Tamers doesn't get that kind of scrutiny

#suicide tw #oookay that did get long my bad #I am unnecessarily opinionated again whoopsie #I've just seen way too many condescending Tamers fans over the years #I'm sure plenty of them are perfectly lovely #but just let me enjoy 02 and frontier in peace I know they're jank as hell #I'm not here for fucking mozart I'm watching Digimon #ask #digimon #digimon tamers

[askfallenroyalty]

I just read the surprise/early update and the sound I made followed by "Torielllll....! :(" after I finished... the anguish I felt is indescribable. This poor, poor woman, if only she knew why this feeling of not knowing what is "real" was because of the resets... You captured the feelings of terror, discombobulation, and bewilderment perfectly. A perfect punch in the gut!

oof yeah i feel in hindsight Toriel learning about the timelines was under-explored. ALSO SORRY IM RAMBLY TONIGHT LOL i just feel like talkin at lenght so apologies for all the long posts past midnight aslfkjasdlf. also THANK YOU for all ur kind asks i don't always answer cause when i get nice asks i like looking at them often but that means i don't respond ;o;

Her reaction is to care about how Asriel must of felt using the power (and granted, in the tumblr version she doesn't know/understand the fact that Asriel was Flowey for a long time before being revived as Asriel. Though in the redraw she's going to learn earlier.) anyway she's like, oh, that must been tough on Asriel ): how lonely

but like??? now i realize she'd have permanent deja vu from all the reloads that weren't erased with a true reset. (which, in AFR universe, isn't even a guarantee) she's suffered from this ability, more so than anyone else as she's the only one to truly know all the kids who've come through the Ruins. (Asgore is also the only other guaranteed one, but uh, we already know his... baggage... with the reloads...)

anyway when she finds out, she's going to go "ok? insane but you have scientific evidence let me adjust to this wild new information" to "wait wait were those unstable years when the kids fell REAL? my kids actually DID kill me? HELLO?" and that's going to be. interesting to explore!

i feel like it could even be an EARLY reveal! I feel like Hol specifically is going to want to apologize for what they did. And now that I have opportunity to explore how Asriel is going to explain the age-up is more than just "oh yeah i was a flower for a while" cause. Toriel KNOWS the amalgamate experiments are (vaguely) recent. She fired Dr.Alphys over it. She knows the details now. So Asriel's explanation of being a flower for years in secret makes no damn sense if they've grown to 16 years old when they died at 12.

So yeah, that's going to be something that'll be pushed to a boiling point in the next chapter(s). HOW exactly is she going to handle all this??? like obviously, she's not going to treat this the same if this were adults committing these horrible acts. they're children. Toriel will continue to love them and forgive them because it truly is not the same situation as it would be with, say, Asgore making the calcuatled decision to murder innocent people. like Hol thinking they're some adventurer badass and killing a monster is very much different from that. (and yeah Asgore is more complicated as it relates to war and the barrier and all that bla bla)

Anyway rambling aside i really really look forward to exploring this. cause like, frankly, toriel canonically has all that angsty bs that people put on sans (when he doesn't even remember reloads or gets killed except last minute in no mercy runs 🙄) like toriel had 6 human kids who canonically reloaded around her. give me THAT angst and exploration of that's consequences. I like getting the chance to explore more of Toriel's psychology, baggage and her journey to moving past that. i'm really sad we don't get to see how toriel improved as a mother and person in AFR but rather just that she did. now we get to!!! fuck yeah!

but yeah god what a horrifying, truly awful thing to experience. like on one hand, she must be relieved "oh so there's nothing actually wrong with my reality i don't have a life altering memory related mental illness (yet)" but also "oh so that was all real and i can never truly look at these kids without knowing they've done something truly, truly unforgivable to me. (but i will forgive them)"

AND NOW i'm thinking that toriel had to been told by flowey at some point what they've done to her too. in one of those reloads, flowey likely confessed to get a reaction from her. after the shock of it, she'd pretend it didn't bother her to forgive them. and that'd build up resentment because Flowey doesn't want to be forgiven, they want punishment and consequences and for it to have mattered.

just. AUGH. so many thoughts on this its killing me inside

#schediling this to post tomorrow so its not buried at 1am #ooc #tbd #not art #murder mention #death mention

[priestessofcreation]

Clarity on the whole Jensen thing

Somebody asked me on another post I made about more context on what is going on with Jensen Ackles and the Winchesters series. I answered that comment, but I've decided to do so here as well because there might be some people who just don't know.

Now, this is not a timeline. This is a sloppy compilation of everything I have seen and heard over the last two years, since Supernatural ended. Feel free to correct me! Feel free to add to it! Feel free to share new information! That said, I am going to organize everything I know in the order I believe it happened. Without dates. Please keep this all in mind.

Also, spoiler warning for The Winchesters. I'm not pulling punches here.

It will be in two sections.

FIRST SECTION -Jensen, and the moves he made

The end of Supernatural was met with, well... "mixed reviews" would be generous. Everyone on the show stood by it... and Jensen did, officially. However, he was honest about the fact that initially he was having trouble with the ending. He tried to talk to the writers about it, I believe. But WHAT I DO KNOW is that he called Eric Kripke himself to get the ORIGINAL CREATOR'S take on this show's ending. Kripke gave his advice in favor of the ending, telling Jensen "You gotta think of the fans."

A little background on Jensen's relationship with his character, Dean Winchester. He has literally called Dean "the best imaginary friend [he'll] ever have."

Jensen established a production company with his wife, Danneel Ackles. It's called Chaos Machine and they formed a professional relationship with the WB in October 2020, approximately a month before Supernatural ended.

There is nothing that says that Chaos Machine has the copyright for Supernatural. That's probably why they partnered with the WB.

The Winchesters was announced with Jensen and Danneel Ackles attached as Executive Producers and Robbie Thompson credited as "developing" the show.

Jared Padalecki, as we know, had NO IDEA. I know I said this is a "sloppy compilation," but let's be clear about this: THERE WAS NO FEUD. Jared was upset and took it public on twitter, yes. Jensen promptly called him and apologized. Jared deleted the tweets and even reaffirmed their friendship. If there is any other issue between them, it has not been public from what I've seen. As we all know, the media likes to embellish. There was no "falling out." Just a misunderstanding that was promptly fixed.

The concept for the show was the years John and Mary were together. Jensen and Danneel stated it was a concept they had always wanted to explore.

The Winchesters aired October 11, 2022.

SECOND SECTION - Evidence of retcon/continuation/expansion

Dean narrates the beginning and end of every episode.

Dean appeared at the end of the first episode, writing in a notebook that had information in it that was taking him on some kind of journey. It was information that seemed to shake up everything, at least within the sphere of his parents (IT WAS NOT JOHN'S JOURNAL). He got into his Impala and drove down the road.

In this show, there is the Akrida, an apocalypse, preparation for that, and deadbeat dads (Samuel Campbell). They had to find Samuel and he had more info on the main plot, including a bunch of observational photos. John and Mary (who are very young and are just starting to fall in love) find a photo (right at the beginning of their makeout sess) of a guy.

This guy is super special - "Who is he?" "Who could he be?" And apparently, THIS GUY gave John a letter when he came back from Vietnam from his father, Henry. You know - MAN OF LETTERS HENRY.

WE NEED TO BE CLEAR - In the original canon, John never knew his dad was a man of letters and he NEVER KNEW Mary came from hunters. But in this show, JOHN KNOWS ALL OF THIS and is even HUNTING WITH MARY AND A RAGTAG TEAM OF MISFITS before they have even started a romantic relationship.

But wait, who is the guy in the photo? It's Dean, guys. It's Dean Winchester stepping out of his Impala. Dean is the one who gave John the letter.

Dean is time-traveling. This photo was taken within the decade this series takes place, the 1960s, in case you weren't convinced.

That's all the context I have. I know ya'll are saying Jensen is gloriously unhinged. I know it is with love lol But he has an artist's heart, evidently, and his love for Dean Winchester isn't going to die. We waited 15 years for SPN to be turned around and well... let's wait and see what's to come!

#the winchesters #supernatural #chaos machine #jensen ackles #danneel ackles #robbie thompson #jared padalecki

[softspeirs]

Barren Soul: (12) Paris

A/N: I've decided I'm not going to apologize for how long it takes me to write, edit, and get a chapter prepped for posting. I am sorry, but I know anyone left reading this is tired of hearing it. Well -- here we are. Please note; we're playing fast and loose with canon from this point forward, especially in terms of where certain members of Easy were at different points in time. I'm not changing anything major in terms of the story, but just wiggling the timeline a little bit so certain characters can interact more. If you're still reading this, please leave a comment - they mean the world to me!

Before long, Easy are on the line and facing combat missions nearly every day. They’re taking heavy fire from the Germans, and casualties are high.

Kat starts to feel numb to it. She misses the worried glances over the top of her head from the other members of her squad when she doesn’t react to a joke or even someone asking her a question. Sometimes it takes them saying her name two or three times before she gets out of her head long enough to formulate a robotic response.

The same day Alley is hit at the crossroads, Major Horton is killed. Winters gets promoted. It’s well-deserved, and comes after one of the most nerve wracking battles they’ve faced so far - Easy against an entire regiment - likely all SS.

That was the same night Liebgott had come to the aid station nearly at his breaking point. Seeing him like that had done something to Kat, too. People are starting to notice, even their new CO who Kat barely knows.

Lieutenant Heyliger is a good officer, and Kat likes him. He’s sure of himself, but Kat still feels like they’re going to be missing a limb without Winters in the field.

Heyliger seems to be clued into the fact that Kat needs a wide berth right now, and he barely knows her. Since he’s taken over, he’s made an effort to make small talk and keep her in the loop now that he’s Easy’s CO, but she can’t find it in her to respond the way she’d like to - she’s distant, doesn’t want to get attached. It’s not like her.

A small voice in the back of her mind is ringing warning bells, but it gets quieter with each day that passes. She’s not sure there’s even a word for it. She’s just– she feels nothing.

It comes to a head one day after it takes her too long to respond to calls for a medic. She doesn’t mean for it to happen, but she freezes. Literally and figuratively, she feels cold. Feels like she’s outside of her body, watching everything happen as if she’s not there.

Luckily, Spina and Roe take over, and no one seems to notice. At least, that’s what she thinks. It’s not until they’re under the cover of darkness that someone slides into her foxhole. She tenses, but relaxes when she sees Compton’s easy smile, though there’s something a little tentative about it now.

“Gray,” he says, his voice rough. The way he’d been screaming orders all day, she’s surprised he hasn’t lost it entirely.

“Sir,” she says, moving over to make some room. “Do you need help?”

He squints at her. “Was going to ask you the same thing.”

She flushes. “Sir?”

Compton has always been a good leader. She’s never been under his direct leadership, but she sees the difference he makes to the company. It’s a little unnerving to have his undivided attention, especially after he’s just back from being in the hospital. She fights back the instinct to ask him if he’s okay, because he’s clearly got something on his mind.

“Kat, I don’t really know how to say this nicely, so I’m just going to say it. You haven’t been yourself lately, and it’s starting to affect your squad.”

A swooping sensation starts in her stomach. Embarrassment.

“You’re not the only one going through this–” he stutters, eyes going a little glassy in that way they’ve all noticed lately, “We need you. You ignored a call for a medic today, and it isn’t the first time that’s happened this week.”

Tears start to well in her eyes, but she refuses to let them fall. It’s almost like a fog clears in her brain, and she starts to see what’s been happening to her probably since before Carentan.

He continues, “You’re too damn good at your job to let yourself get swept away by the emotions of it. I know it’s hard. Hell, I’ve had more than one day where I wanted nothing more than to drown myself in a bottle of good whiskey. But we can’t do that.” Again, his face closes off, a shadow sliding over his features. It’s been happening more and more since he was wounded in Nuenen, but it’s gone as soon as she notices it.

Kat starts to cry in earnest now. Briefly, Compton looks alarmed, but then he shifts gears. He scoots closer until he can rest his hand on her shoulder. “Alright, let it out, Gray.”

She does.

Read the full chapter on AO3 here!

#barren soul fic #ron speirs x oc #ron speirs x kat gray #band of brothers fanfiction