#this got away from me im SO sorry (just put this in google docs out of curiosity. 1255 words. i am so sorry for the essay.)

[spinoff-antithesis]

[@distinguished-turtle-enjoyer ]

i actually have not stopped thinkin bout your bb!edit like,,,, its so good and scratches my brain right

how long have you been doin edits for? do have any tips for someone, who hypothetically, wants to start doin edits too? what programs do you use? how did you do the cool animated bits?

im so sorry for all the qustions 😭😭 i just think youre very talented and inspirational and i hope you have a good day ^_^

hi firstly oh my gosh you're literally so sweet i am gently shaking you i love you so much /p. secondly, i apologize for the long answer! (it's all under the cut. this got away from me. i'm so sorry apparently i have a lot to say.) (also you're so good about the questions i would constantly be asking one of my professors questions during class to the point where she said i didn't have to go "i have a question" every time i approached her)

i've been editing since 2016! around march/april, i think? loved it so much i went into film & video production in college as a major so i could do editing for a living. (i have done more motion graphics for my classmates than i have done edits outside of class assignments, BUT!)

the program i use is after effects - i started learning it when covid first hit the united states because i had nothing better to do with my time (other than music theory but i failed that bc my professor focused more on the history aspects than the actual theory soooo) and my ipad kept giving me the "no more storage" whenever i tried to use videostar lmao. (vs has, apparently, gotten a LOT of good updates, so if you're looking to start editing and have an ios system, i'd look into it! only downside is you have to pay for some of the cool stuff).

also the program i use for masking (i think i explain this later dwdw) is superimpose. i've been using it since 2014 and it's SO nice bc i can use my fingers to erase backgrounds & stuff instead of hoping i can get it to work correctly in ae or photoshop (photoshop my DETESTED i'll use it but i'll complain the entire time).

for people who want to start editing: tutorials on how your program works and how to do specific transitions are gonna be your best friend when you're first figuring things out! i forced a friend to literally walk me through how after effects worked when i was first figuring it out, and when i had swapped to videostar back in 2017/2018(?) i had watched a Lot of tutorials. that and played around a lot and figured things out on my own - which is also always a good way to start!! it's also totally valid to look at other people's edits for inspiration - most editors don't really care, as long as you don't flat-out remake their edit (some people don't like that!). i have a style insp folder on instagram where i save edits that i like so if i need transition ideas or i'm doing a different style, i can look there for inspiration. at the end of the day, as long as you're having fun with it that's all that matters!

also, starting simple is always okay!! my edits for a year were just me slapping gifs & video segments together on a timeline in cute cut pro bc imovie didn't load them lol & it'd crash every time i breathed. ++ it never hurts to ask people for feedback/constructive(!!!) criticism/etc! (also not to sound like everyone else but practice? good. it's so good. if i showed my 14/15y/o self some of the edits i can make now they would've passed out on the spot bc i was still trying to figure out transitions back then. programs can also sometimes make a difference in edits, but usually it's not super noticeable until you start getting to the Complicated Shit.)

a lot of popular programs i've seen are ones like video star (ios only), alight motion (android only), after effects (i recommend 🏴‍☠️ing it tbh, i only use it legally bc i had to use adobe programs for school), capcut, and i think some people still use sony vegas pro & maybe cute cut pro (i've heard it may have actually gotten better since i last used it in 2018)? i have no idea. programs also depend on whatever device you're using to edit on! since i've been using my laptop, i'm able to use after effects (it's computer-only), but when i used my phone/ipad to edit i used ccp & vs.

for the animation - it's a lot of cutting up the image and masking! more complex animations, like the one i had of leo walking down that red 'hallway' have several different layers that have been masked. (i removed the background & filled in the spot where leo originally was in two different apps - superimpose (taking leo out) & photoshop (filling in the bg)) in after effects, the way i've done this was mask out the specific thing i wanted to move (like an eye) and then put that mask on what i've called a "base" (not animated), and then stick a solid behind the base to match the color of the object. (some of my layers are not named appropriately; base 2 is the left arm & the four "SIX_[...]" layers are the mask/bandana tails)

an example of this would be for any of the eye blink animations i did! this (above) is the same shot, with and without the eye - since it's masked out and i have the background solid behind it, it doesn't look too unnatural/have a black outline/mass where his eye should be.

what it looks like without the solid layer behind it ^ (the red lines are from the null layers - ignore that)

this is what my timeline looks like if it's a more simplistic animation - the only five things being animated here are leo & raph's eyes. (there's only this many layers bc it's two characters in one shot & i was also animating their pupils - typically, an eye-blink animation is about 4-6 layers for me (solid, base, mask, & null to animate with, 6 if i'm animating both eyes & 4 if just one))

in after effects, there's this really cool tool called the puppet pin that one of my friends (lovingly) yelled at me for not knowing about - which. yeah fair she wasn't wrong it's SUPER useful in animating, provided you chop up your image first. if you don't it's a mess.

(separated by layer vs i should've really put the mask tails & leo's head on separate layers and didn't bc that was the 2nd to last animation i had to do and i was losing my mind bc i wanted to be done with the edit lmao)

the way people animate depends all on their style (there's two common ways to do blinking animation - having the anchor point at the bottom of the eye, or the middle of it) and the program they use. it's been a while, but i could probably tell you how to do some basic animations on videostar still even though i've been doing them in after effects for about 2-3years now. ALSO the best way to have an animation be noticeable is to over-exaggerate it/make them Big - which, yes, can mean 'breaking bones' and having the limbs be a little wonky at the start. (if you want it to be realistic though go Just to the point where it looks uncomfortable lmao)

uhm. again i am so sorry that this is so long i THINK this is everything? if not: my inbox/dms are always open if you ever want to ask more questions, wanna follow up on something, etc etc!! (also if you ever start editing please send me your edits!!! i'd love to see them <3)

#this got away from me im SO sorry (just put this in google docs out of curiosity. 1255 words. i am so sorry for the essay.) #uhm. ANYWAY YES like i said if you have any other questions feel free to reach out!!! i am always alway willing to help people out #with stuff like this!!! i can talk your ear off though if this wasn't enough proof of that /j #if nothing makes sense it's bc i'm responding to this at like. 5am my time. so. my bad if there's typos i'm so sorry #like i think i saw this ask at 4:40ish am and i'm still making sure i've got everything covered and its like 5:32am LMAO #me when i dont sleep bc i have no routine now #ask box pals #art creds in the screenshots to trubblegumm !! <- tagging to be safe #still in shock at the amount of positive feedback im getting from my bb!leo edit like oh my god you guys are incredible ilysm /p #sorry i discovered in the middle of typing out my tags that you can edit them now after you've hit enter where am i. #also this is offtopic so its down here but i am Not complaining about doing more motion graphics than actual editing. #a bitch has won two awards for their motion graphics at festivals and i've been doing them for a YEAR #(laughs in the first time i ever did a real one i won a student award. idk how. but i DID and i won the pro category this year <3) #it would be nice tho to do more editing for short films tho :( had a professor tell me i was good at it. #i should rly start using my camera and shoot my own stuff and edit it huh. maybe i will eventually i have a few ideas. #anyway. i need to stop rambling abt my experience as a film student and go to bed i apparently need to be up in the morning but idk WHEN

[bluiex]

i put it in google docs to check the word count it’s a bit over 1000 words so that’s fun, but without further ado, i present:

funny things i have read in smut:

“Then he hit the bundle of nerves that fanfic readers are all too familiar with.”

“Luckily he is also a slippery motherfucker.”

“inexperienced in the art of giving giant people hand jobs.”

“Getting cock blocked my a church!”

“I’m not a food (name)”

“unsure why (name) was treating him like he was at the dentist”

“Also when they arrived (name) threw a plushie at them, hitting (name) square in the face.”

“I-uh I wh-uhm I”

“Breed! Breed! Breed! Mate! Mate! Mate!”

“(name) smiled “sure just don’t kill me””

“(name) would probably just scold them and then offer some advice and (name) would probably just laugh and offer to punch (name)’s stomach or some bullshit. “

“She then sauntered her way back to the over-eager man laying in an idiotic position on the bed, probably trying to be mock-seductive.”

“"What? Don't you like what you see?"”

“he let out a shaky breath and stood up straight(gay)”

“(name) finds out where all the missing orphans went, and no, it’s not Technoblade.”

“(very unimaginative for a nonhuman, what were his parents thinking?)”

“it was at that moment that (name) had internally asked himself three questions: am I really considering sex with a dragon? Is this really what my life has come to? Dragon fucking?”

“" Sorry gang I have to take the fattest piss in the whole year."”

“"I just don't think you are gonna be screaming pickles in the middle of fucking-"”

“Angry at (name) for even having the audacity to be alive and breathing.”

““Look, I’m your chambermaid not your chambertherapist,””

““I saw a man purchasing cocaine from another man.” He mentioned offhandedly.”

“"Fuck you" he responded, lowering himself to lay on the monsters chest and stomach.

'That's what your doing'”

“Author: Am eating cucumber”

“(name” smirked with delight, reaching down to poke at his cloaca”

“he got so many new experiences (yes, even beans on toast)”

“”did you just.. call me dude in a romantic way?”

““Were you expecting me to say ‘it’s dishonourable to attack when not ready!’?””

“(names) hands are shaking so much that he might actually shoot one of them in the foot. Which would seriously kill the mood.”

“Is he not also deserving of being a sexy pirate with huge tits?”

“He doesn’t know what he’ll do if (name) pulls away and starts talking again. Cry, probably.”

“sorry i was possessed by an evil spirit called homosexuality writing this”

���im normal *paces around my cage*”

“i need to fuck this himbo.”

“am I saying that gay sex is the solution to relationship problems? Absolutel- *dies*”

“and precisely nothing changes between Pearl and Scott.”

“the real fantasy here is having a shower that's big enough for more than one person lmao”

“not like he was thinking of boneing (name) or (name) anytime soon.”

“(name) has eaten (name) out (wow that's really a sentence I just typed)”

“Tea anon *shakes you like a maraca*”

“because holy hell (name) has got to have some absolutely incredible thighs”

“I know that we all universally agree that (name) has the biggest dick on the server”

“I just think they should fuck and it would solve all their problems. Or make them worse, but at least they’d have fucked <3”

““tiddies plz? May I have a face full of them?””

“(especially after he's been fucked into the next century by her-)”

“When he is satisfyied and (name) is a right mess and a little hard- (name) just leaves lmao”

“You have my utmost respect and love person who suggested it I will give you a handshake”

“Hi I have a headache the size of Texas but that doesn’t stop the Headcanons from plaguing me like visions.”

“(name) just walkin around butt ass naked, dick out :sobs: /pos”

“getting the fucked and bred into the next century-“

“"he's a fucking dumbass jesus christ i want to bear his children"”

“(name) lingered, because he was a simple man, and couldn’t turn down a chance to look at (name)’s ass. In his defence, it was not a bad choice. Man.”

“Not that burying his face in (name)’s tits was a bad time,”

“(name) slurred out a grumbling complaint, so far from any word that (name) was almost impressed.”

“(name), I am going to set you on fire, please.”

“(name) raised his eyebrows at (name)’ choice to not wear underwear. The man was truly feral sometimes.”

“This goes even harder (hehe)”

“Why do school work when imaginary men can fuck in our heads *gets run over*”

“Unfortunately, it covered all of (name)’s actual ass,”

“his eyes relaxing and focusing in on the much nicer view of (name)’s chest.”

““Are you saying that to me, or my boobs?””

“little panting sounds as he tried to remember how to breathe.”

“He needed to scream into a pillow, like, now. And then do other things with that pillow”

“She could talk to him however the fuck she wanted after riding him like that.”

“And my god if anyone saw his back they'd think he got attacked by a bear or something “

“(name)’s sense of time is a little – hah! – fucked right now.”

“resisted that dang mouth”

“(name) has two tits!”

“a worker is giving him a weird look for clearly having boner while staring at some bell peppers.”

“He really was a friend shaped nugget”

““If it's not a booty call I'm not interested,” “

“(name) bussy canonically has the power to unlock peoples closeted inner fruit”

“the glass was so fragile that gay sex was enough to shatter it”

“just waiting for (name) to calm down. (name) also waits for (name) to calm down.”

“and enjoy the ride””

“nor does (name) actually get off on being commanded to fuck. (well, he might. i've never asked.)”

““I’m at a vulnerable time in my species transition and you’re making sex slave jokes?””

““Well, stop being horny for five seconds and let me finish explaining.””

“Gotta have a weird gay thing going with at least one of your friends at all times.””

““Oh no, your dick is broken! I’m prescribing you blow jobs~””

“trying to look calm and collected. like a cucumber.”

“giving it the sloppiest toppy he could in his state.”

-🍞

“Breed! Breed! Breed! Mate! Mate! Mate!” I felt that. LOL

““Are you saying that to me, or my boobs?”” FAVE FAVE FAVE

#bluie gets an ask poggers #long post #fanfic quotes

[dandunn]

Fic author interview tagged by @vampirenaomi

1 How many works do you have on AO3?

42

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

728,089

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Fic that annoys me so much I disabled comments (go find it yourself lmao), Marked for Death, Tiger by the Tail, What's coming through is Alive, The Sea is Getting Rough Again

my one piece fics all have way more kudos than my recent stuff basically

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i do sometimes, im usually tired from writing and editing so sometimes ill just say thanks lol

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

i wrote a fic anonymously which is horrendously dark and doesnt have a happy ending but I think most other fics i write at least have a bittersweet or happy ending hdfgb

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

uhhhhhh i dunno man I like the ending of the fic i wrote where goemon threatens to cut one of jigen's exes' dicks off and then they go hang out by the pool. that was fun :)

7. Do you write crossovers?

not really, I've had a few ideas for them but they're hard to write and wouldnt have worked out

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

not... really? i got a really weird backhanded compliment where someone talked at length about a ship i dont like (the fic wasnt about that couple) then said the first chapter was alright apart from being painfully slow (thanks) and then accused me of virtue signalling because of the difficult topics i handled in the fic.

It was really, really strange like I genuinely think they were trying to pay me a compliment but they were incredibly shit at it lol

And then in another fic I turned off comments because a minor started bitching at me about the porn I wrote not being sexy enough and when I told them to go away they harassed me for a little while. That was fun.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yeas. I prefer it when smut is incorporated into the story because I kind of need the emotional stakes to be high enough otherwise I kind of lose interest. Smut without feelings is just kinda boring to me. Of course I have some exceptions but those are rare nowadays.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes, though it's on wattpad apparently so I have no idea if the person doing it credited me because I dont use that site lol.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yeah and I dont recommend it. we only wrote like 2 chapters of it but i no longer speak to the co-author and the whole thing ended up feeling a bit disjointed and weird.

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Uhh I have a couple, zoro/luffy, ace/sanji, jigen/lupin and jigen/goemon

zolu probably wins here because i have not so far written a 200k fic about anyone else lol

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

*gestures weakly at literally everything in my google docs*

I forgot how to write sorry

15. What are your writing strengths?

*tv static noise*

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

i cant speak english

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I don't know whether its bad or just handled badly by a lot of writers but I don't like it. Speaking as someone whos been learning japanese for the past 2+ years I hate it when I come across a word and have to either look it up myself or scroll to the bottom of the fic for any footnotes there are to explain it. Gonna use myself as an example for how I go about this kind of thing:

Fujiko tries to smile at his robotic, overly formal speech patterns, when really it's a little off-putting. She hasn't heard anyone use the word sessha, 'my humble self', for themselves outside of a period drama.

each to their own but i prefer putting in a small aside like this rather than shoving in foreign words and expecting for the reader to go and break the flow of the writing by looking it up for themselves.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

id say pokemon mystery dungeon but the first fic i wrote i instantly deleted after getting one negative comment, i think one piece is more where i cut my teeth

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

i dont really know? ive gotten into a couple of new things recently but they havent triggered my "oh i gotta write something" reaction

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

i dunno man i dont like my work very much right now heres an image if u read all of this

#thanks 4 the tag #long post

[ppersonna]

out of my league - knj | 01

you were out of my league. got my heartbeat racing. if i die, don't wake me, cause you are more than just a dream - out of my league, fitz and the tantrums

✹ summary- Kim Namjoon was never supposed to find out about your years-long hopeless crush on him. And he most definitely was not supposed to find out about it in front of all your coworkers in a company-wide meeting.

✹ rating- explicit/18+/nsfw

✹ pairing- kim namjoon x reader

✹ word count- 6.6k

✹ genre- angst, smut, comedy

✹ chapter warnings- swearing, descriptions of sex, sexual content, namjoon being a sexy flirt, jungkook being a himbo, awkward conversations, jimin being a protective bff

✹ a/n- hello and welcome to this fic thats lived in my google docs for almost a year now. without @ladyartemesia @xjoonchildx @untaemedqueen and @chimoona, i would never have posted it. i truly owe so much of my brainstorming and creativity to their incredible brains and thoughts and ideas. i love them very much! i hope you enjoy this first chapter! please feel free to message me, talk to me abt anything!! im always here to chat. ILY!

MASTERLIST

Kim Namjoon was never supposed to find out this way.

You planned to confess your undying, unerring love for your coworker at a better time, a classier place. You would wear a dress that highlighted your features, hair cascading down your back, makeup done to perfection and spritzed with expensive perfume. You’d confess, he’d confess right back, and you’d live happily ever after.

You’d also dreamt that Kim Namjoon would have the slightest inkling of who you are before he finds out about your year long crush. He might know you as the mousy girl in the office who doesn’t talk and doesn’t contribute much other than some crunched numbers and apparently the best coffee brewer in the office. But you’d prefer he knows you well—your favorite colors and movies and foods, what makes you happy and sad; things future husbands should know.

You very much did not think it would happen in a company wide conference, full of over five hundred suit-wearing executives. You did not think it would be done by the office bully, Chungha, who carefully takes over the mic and speaks the words clearly as she presents awards of recognition.

“Congratulations to Kim Namjoon for 5 years with the company, over $4 million in revenue, and the object of ____’s lust and affection. I’m sure you two will have the happy life she’s written in her journal about. Make sure you celebrate with her today!”

The room is silent, so silent you could have heard a pin drop from a mile away. Your face is cherry red and you wish the earth would open up and swallow you whole. Your heart feels like someone has ripped it in half and you stare in horror at the girl smirking at the front. Is this what it feels like to be backstabbed? Namjoon looks perplexed—confusion written on his face as he gestures around to no one in particular like he’s saying ‘what the fuck was that?’

Awkward coughing and clapping begins and Namjoon stands to receive his award, a fine wooden fountain pen, and chances a glance around the room. He easily spots you, with your wide, frightened face. His look remains passive, not hinting what he’s thinking behind those stormy eyes, before he turns and sits back down at the table with his buddies from his department.

You seriously contemplate quitting your job. You could find a new one easily, right? Just stand up and tell your boss you quit and you’re out of there before Namjoon ever sees you again and you’ll never have to face the mean girl who’s ratting you out.

As much as the idea rolls through your head, you know you won’t do it. You love your job, love the security and finances it provides you, and you love to look at Kim Namjoon, all day every day.

You don’t understand where things went wrong.

( one month ago )

It’s 9:03 am. You finish brewing the coffee in the small staff kitchen and sigh at the aroma of the freshly ground beans. Coffee is your favorite meal, favorite time of day, favorite snack, and preferred beverage. You drink it constantly. You’re known as “coffee girl” at work, mostly because no one really bothers to get to know you beyond that. You drink coffee like it’s a devoted religion. You could drink a cup right before bed and still sleep like a baby. It was, put simply, your drink.

The office workers deem you to be the one to make the pots of coffee every morning, claiming you were the ‘best’. You didn’t mind—you preferred to make your own coffee regardless—but you believe your coworkers are trying to pass off the twenty-minute job to someone lower in the office hierarchy. And you were one step above the interns.

The coffee machine chimes to let you know it’s hot, and it’s ready for you. You eagerly pour a mug, a large one, and smile as the waft of freshly ground beans (by you, of course) fills your senses.

You nearly knock the cup out of your hand as Kim Namjoon strolls into the office, eyes set on the coffee.

You feel your throat swell up, like he’s an allergen and you’re caught without an epi-pen. Butterflies swirl in your stomach and you can’t stop staring at him. He pays you no mind, tired yet determined to pour a cup of coffee and get back to his office.

You stand in the small kitchen, clutching your coffee like a lifeline, and pray to god you don’t do something stupid.

Namjoon pours his mug, and you watch his muscular hands grip the coffee pot. He pours a hefty amount of cream and sugar into his cup—it appears even perfect male specimens have their faults. 

Your eyes dance on his face before they tango down his body. You wonder what he looks like in the morning, crawling out of bed with mussed hair and a sleepy smile painted on his face. He’d look at you and tell you you’re the most beautiful girl and kiss you deeply despite morning breath. Maybe he’d take you to the shower to press you against the tile as he fuc-

“Oh!” it startles Namjoon to see you, and the coffee in his hand swishes violently. “Didn’t see you there. Sorry!”

Your heart melts. He’s the picture of kindness and politeness. You recognize it’s been a few seconds and you still haven’t replied.

“It’s fine!”

“Great coffee, by the way,” he smiles. His teeth nearly knock you out cold with their brilliance. “Have a good day.”

He turns and exits the room without so much as a glance back at you. Your knees feel weak.

Kim Namjoon talked to you. He complimented you. He told you to have a good day. It’s the best and most significant conversation you’ve had with your secret crush.

You definitely file that away for another day when you need to reminisce on his compliment, and you scurry out of the kitchen towards your desk.

Park Jimin is waiting dutifully at your desk when you arrive, a smug smile still slapped over your features as you sip at your coffee. Namjoon spoke to you today—how lovely.

Jimin quirks an eyebrow. 

“What’s got you so perky this morning?” 

You’re normally quiet and passive, avoiding eye contact or any semblance of emotion on your face.

You look up at the blonde bespectacled boy. Park Jimin is the closest thing to a best friend in the company. He’s who you spend time with at lunch, see on weekends, and text often. You suppose he’s the closest thing to a best friend you have in your entire life.

You send him a smirk and lean in close to whisper. “Namjoon said hi to me today!”

Jimin sends you a pitiful look and pats your shoulder. Your best friend is well aware of your secret crush and while he thinks Namjoon is a nice guy, he thinks your crush is a little hopeless. He’s the most popular guy in the office, often has dates lined up every weekend. Jimin hears the way he and his friends talk in the break room. The man is definitely not hurting for female attention.

“Oh, honey,” he sighs, unenthusiastically. “That’s great.” He can’t help but feel a twinge of sadness over how excited you’re getting from a simple ‘hello’ from a coworker.

“I know, right? Anyway, lunch today?” You ask as you settle down into your cubicle.

Jimin pushes his glasses up his face and nods. “Of course! That’s why I came by this morning. I wanted to let you know that Jungkook from marketing will join us.”

You make a face, disgust etched in the lines creasing your forehead. 

“Why?”

Jungkook is well known in the company. He’s a loudmouth, a player, a clown, and everyone’s favorite comedian. He’s just not your favorite.

“Don’t be rude,” Jimin admonishes at your grimace. “He asked to join and well—he’s cute. I can’t say no to him.”

“Oh Christ, Jimin,” you groan. “Not you too! Don’t tell me you have the hots for the serial fuckboy?”

He blushes lightly and shrugs. “Maybe I do! Be nice to him today or I’ll eat all your chocolate ice cream I know you have at home.”

You stick your tongue out, petulantly. “Fine, now let me get to work or else Seokjin will be up my ass.”

Jimin smiles and kisses your cheek before he scurries away, back to human resources.

It feels as if barely any time has passed. You’re working hard, running calculations and updating spreadsheets. You have an eye for numbers, and losing yourself in an equation is just another day for you. You’re shaken from your cheerful place by a vibration from your phone, and a text alert popping on the lit screen.

jimin 12:01 pm- it’s lunchtime!! you better get your butt out here!

You smile and text back an affirmative reply, then move to grab your lunch from the company fridge. Gliding down the steps leading to the fresh outdoors, you meet Jimin at the lunch tables in the grass.

Jimin is sitting with Jungkook. You can recognize your best friend by his hair and glasses, and Jungkook by his obnoxious laughter.

“Hi,” you murmur as you sit down and open up the brown bag lunch you’ve brought.

“Hi!” Jimin is excited to see you, and just a pinch over eager to be sitting next to Jungkook.

“You know Jungkook, right?” Jimin asks, a harsh look in his eyes that reminds you to be on your best behavior.

You nod as you pull out a bag of grapes. “Oh, yeah, hey,” you smile. “I’ve seen you around.”

Jungkook delivers you a signature smirk and you feel yourself roll your eyes internally. “Yeah, you’re Coffee Girl, right?”

You pout and glare down at your brown bag lunch. Will you ever become more than just Coffee Girl?

“Yeah, I suppose that’s me.”

Jimin clears his throat to dismiss any awkwardness. 

“So, Jungkook, I hear you like working out? ___ likes to work out too. She drags me to the gym sometimes. Maybe we could all meet up sometime?” You don’t miss the hopeful lilt in his voice. Jungkook does.

“Oh, yeah?” He narrows a sexy look at you, rather—a look he thinks is sexy that you find off-putting. “What do you do at the gym? Little cardio sets with 5 pound weights?”

What an asshole.

“Sometimes,” you state as you take a bite of the homemade salad you handcrafted last night. “Most of the time I’m lifting heavy. I can bench 275 and deadlift 300.”

Jungkook looks taken back. “What, really?” He sounds breathless. “You lift more than Namjoon-hyung.”

At the sound of the love of your life’s name, you pause. Your face heats quickly and Jungkook smirks. Of course, he recognizes this and not Jimin’s obvious flirting.

“Why are you blushing?” He asks. “Did I say something?”

You’re quick to dismiss things. “Um--no. I just um,” you’re grasping at straws. “I’m hot.”

Jimin is trying not to laugh, hiding his mouth behind a petite hand.

Jungkook tilts his head. “It’s not even sunny today.”

You gulp. “Yeah, I must be hot. With a fever. M-malaria… probably.”

Jungkook snorts. 

“You have malaria? Bummer.” He picks at his nails. “I thought for a moment you had a thing for Namjoon.”

“No!” The retort is quick, too quick for normal conversation, and it gives you away.

“Aha!” Jungkook points an accusing finger at you. “You have the hots for him, don’t you?”

Your features melt, and Jimin tries to assuage the situation. “Jungkook, please don’t tell anyone,” he pleads.

Jungkook smiles at you. “That’s so cute. It’s like a little nerdy freshman crushing on the senior class president.”

You bury your head in your hands, suddenly unable to stomach any food.

“Jungkook,” Jimin’s tone becomes more firm, authoritative. “I’m asking you this as a friend. Please, don’t say anything.”

Jungkook holds his hands up to prove his innocence and waves his proverbial white flag. 

“Secret is safe with me,” he promises. “But it’s cute. I know him really well, you know. I could try to hook you two up.”

You blanch, unsure if you want Jungkook saying anything about you to the man of your dreams. 

“I’m good, but thanks,” you offer meekly. “I’m not feeling well. I’m going to head back to work, okay?”

Jimin frowns, knowing you’re feeling like a cornered animal, and nods. “Feel better, babe,” he sighs.

Jungkook watches as you leave and turns to Jimin. “Man, he’s way out of her league.”

Jimin slaps the boy in the chest. “Be nice, asshole, that’s my best friend.”

Jungkook promises to be nice, and Jimin is blissfully unaware that others are listening and that the man beside him is easy to persuade.

( present day )

The company-wide meeting adjourns soon after what is likely to be the most embarrassing moment you’ve ever lived through.

You’re grabbing at your things and trying to run out of the room, desperate to get out before anyone sees you or talks to you or laughs at you.

A hand grabs at the coattails of your suit jacket and you’re pulled backwards with a yelp. You turn to seek your captor and find the concerned face of your best friend, Jimin.

“Are you okay? What the fuck just happened?”

Jimin’s concern makes it all real. Until now you could pretend you were in a fugue state, totally dissociated from reality. Now, you realize that everyone in the entire company is aware of your crush on Kim Namjoon.

You can feel your bottom lip wobble, tears threatening to spill. Jimin murmurs an ‘oh shit’ and drags you out of the large room and into the nearest bathroom. He pushes you to sit against the sink and passes you toilet paper to dab at your eyes.

“I don’t know how she found out!” you cry. “God, I feel so stupid and embarrassed.”

It incenses Jimin. He’s holding it back to ensure you’re okay, but in reality, it’s an HR nightmare waiting to happen. He’ll find who did it and punish them accordingly.

They will suffer. 

“It’s okay, babe,” he pulls you into a hug. “Everyone will forget about it soon. They’ll think it’s just a lame office joke, okay?”

You nod, feeling the slightest bit comforted by his words. 

“How could she find out, Jiminie?” You ask with a sniffle. “You’re the only person who knows.”

Jimin sighs and shakes his head.

“I don’t know, but they’re dead. I haven’t told any-... oh, my god,” Jimin stops suddenly. You look up at him to catch what he’s thinking.

He growls and balls his fists. 

“Jungkook knew.”

You let out a sob and bawl your eyes out into the tissue you’re holding. Jimin holds you tighter while he conjures up a hundred different ways to hurt someone and make it look like an accident.

“Don’t worry,” Jimin sighs, trying to comfort both you and himself. “I’m HR. I have to handle this. I’ll make sure they get what they deserve.”

You feel a sting of pain for Jimin. He’s been hopelessly doting on the man who spilled the beans for a few months now, even got to take him on a few dates. It was still nothing serious, but Jimin was clearly smitten.

“I’m sorry you have to do that, Chim,” you whisper. “I know how you feel about him.”

“Yeah, well,” he swallows thickly. “You’re more important than any asshole.”

Jimin holds you tight for a few minutes longer, before you clean yourself up and steel yourself. Ignore everyone, Jimin encourages. Just get to work, he says. Then you can go home and we’ll drink wine and forget about it all, he promises.

You replay his words in his head like a prayer as you walk down the corridors and towards your office. Everyone in the hallways stops to stare at you. They lean towards their friends and whisper. You hear snippets of their gossip, like “Namjoon” and “out of her league”. It drives the sharp blade lodged in your chest even further. It threatens to collapse your lungs and break your ribs.

You make it to your desk safe and sound and bury yourself in work and forcibly ignore the gawking and the stares. 

Just make it home. Just get through the day. You’re almost there.

You could do this.

You nearly make it the entire day before running into the one person you didn’t want to see, Kim Namjoon.

At the end of the day, you’re taking the stairs down to the parking garage instead of the elevator. The elevator is too busy, too many people, and you’re trying to avoid the stares and giggles at your expense. The stairs are always deserted and you figure it’s your safest bet.

You can nearly hear the wine calling your name at home. A delicate glass of Sauvignon Blanc and some chocolate ice cream and a good cry—it sounds like the best and only way to unwind after the worst day you’ve ever had in your life.

The chanting of your name gets louder and you wonder if you’ve finally lost your mind—if you’re actually hearing your wine bottles all the way at home talking to you.

No, wait. The voice is real, and coming from behind you. You turn around to face who’s calling you and nearly faint at the sight.

Kim Namjoon stands on the landing above you, one strip of stairs between you.

“Hey!” He seems glad he’s caught you. “I’ve been calling your name for a minute.”

You swallow and search for an answer. 

“Sorry, I’m-.. I guess I’m just a little out of it today.”

Namjoon grimaces. 

“Yeah, about that…” he begins as he takes the steps down to be on equal ground as you. Your heart is spinning wildly. He’s so close to you. He’s talking to you. On any other day you’d be erupting towards the sky like a firework. But today isn’t any other day.

“I feel like I should apologize,” he states. “I don’t know what happened. I didn’t plan it or anything.”

Damn him and his kindness. Damn him and his cute, awkward smile.

“No, no,” you assure. “I know you didn’t. You don’t have to apologize.”

It’s hard to make eye contact with the man. You want to, know it’s important in intense conversations like this, but the thought of him seeing you—really seeing you makes you ache inside.

“It was a really shitty prank,” he begins. “I’m sure you don’t even know who I am, let alone have a crush on me.”

For the millionth time that day, your face heats to a near boil. You stammer and you’re sure you’ve blown any chance at even thinking about a date with Namjoon.

“Oh, uh, right,” you seek an answer, beg your brain to pick something to say that doesn’t make you sound stupid. “I do.”

“You do what?” He’s confused and you widen your eyes at what just left your mouth.

“I do know you! I mean, I do have a crush on you! Oh, fuck,” you shove your face into your hands. “Please, ignore that. I need to go. Sorry!” You don’t give him a chance to reply, you book it out of the stairway as fast as your heels will take you.

Today was the worst day you’ve suffered through in your life.

The next few days aren’t much better.

Not only are you “coffee girl”, you’re now also sarcastically called “Namjoon’s girl”. As much as you hate your initial title, you’d prefer it to the new one they throw at you as you walk by.

Jimin rats out Jungkook and Chungha to the bosses. They get two weeks probation and they have to write you apology letters if they wish to keep their permanent files clean of any reprimands. It’s a slap on the wrist, and everyone involved knows it. Jimin is furious and wants the boss to reconsider. You tell him not to push it. You’d rather this be over and everyone to forget it even happened. Jimin unwillingly agrees.

You’re working at your desk, earphones shoved in your ears to diffuse the gossip in the room, when you feel a tap on your shoulder. You turn and are greeted with the face of Judas Iscariot himself, Jeon Jungkook.

“Hi,” he sounds sheepish, cheeks reddening.

You narrow your eyes at him, sharper than steel. “What the fuck do you want?”

He winces, knowing he deserved that. “Well, I just wanted to apologize. I know they told me to write you a letter, but it seems too impersonal…”. 

You can’t believe Jungkook is sucking his ego up and actually coming to you to apologize. You thought he’d for sure be the one to cop out and send a shitty letter.

He continues. 

“I just wanted to let you know that I’m sorry that all went down. I didn’t mean to tell her. She got me drunk and said she saw me eating lunch with you and Jimin. I think she was jealous or something and it slipped out. I know that’s not an excuse. I fucked up your trust and Jimin’s trust. But I just wanted you to know I didn’t do it to be an asshole. She sort of duped me.”

You pause as you take in the man’s apology. He didn’t have to come to you in person. He could have easily taken the shitty route and half-assed a letter to you. But he didn't, and he owned up to his mistake. God dammit.

“I appreciate your apology, Jungkook,” you sigh and you see his body visibly relax. “I’m still mad, but I guess the anger is at her for doing it in the first place. I’m sorry she tricked you.”

He breathes a sigh of relief and kneels down beside you. “I’m really happy you believe me. I was worried you were going to kick me in the nuts.

“I won’t lie, I thought about it.”

He smiles with you, and you feel like this is the restart of a friendship. “I definitely deserved it.”

You shrug and smile. “Jimin would kill me for hurting you. He might even kill me for thinking about hurting you.”

Jungkook’s smile drops at the name of your best friend. Yikes. Looks like there’s still trouble in paradise.

“I think you’d be in similar company with Jimin right now. He’s not speaking to me.”

You let out a breath through your nose. “Yeah, he’s a little protective of me.”

“For good reason,” he admits. “You’re like a cute little flower. A cute nerdy flower.”

“Jungkook,” you warn. “I just forgave you after I was humiliated in front of the entire company. I’d be careful with calling me nerdy right now.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it in a bad way.”

It’s hard to stay mad at the boy, no matter how much you dislike his reputation around the office. The fact that he humbled himself enough to seek you out and apologize is proof enough to you of his character.

“It’s okay, Jungkook. I forgive you,” you smile. “Thank you for apologizing.”

He rubs the back of his neck anxiously as his cheeks flare red.

“Yeah, it felt pretty shitty to just… do anything else. Plus, you seem really cool.”

“You seem great, too, Jungkook.”

He smiles and pulls you in for a hug, catching you off guard. For the fuckboy type, he’s surprisingly sensitive and soft. You like that about him.

“I’ll see you around, okay?” He says as he pulls away from you.

“Maybe you should apologize to Jimin, too?” 

His smile drops, but he nods anyway. “Yeah, maybe I’ll go find him now.”

“Good luck,” you offer with a pat on his shoulder.

With a sad smile, he turns and heads down the hallway towards the HR department. You pray Jimin shows mercy to the handsome boy.

A few weeks go by, and you’re sure that everyone has forgotten about you and your most embarrassing moment to date. You make the coffee, you calculate the numbers, everyone ignores you. Things return to relative normalcy.

Until it doesn't. The moment you think you're safe is the moment your guard comes down and everything falls apart around you.

It's when you're in the staff kitchen, grinding fresh beans to brew a second pot of coffee, that it happens.

The kitchen is fuller than usual. You normally try to wait until the lunchtime crowd dwindles and leaves to make your second pot, but you're so desperate for the caffeine that you can't find it in you to care.

You trudge into the kitchen with your handy coffee mug clutched in your tired hands and head towards the cupboards to grind up the beans.

There's a few groups of coworkers lingering in the room, and as your grinder whirs the beans around into a powder, you chance a look around to see who's among the crowd.

Your eyes flick immediately to where a hearty laugh erupts. It makes your heart still in your throat. Namjoon sits with his usual crowd of friends, hand gripping a homemade sandwich while the other assists him in telling his story to his friends. He pays you no mind—why would he?—and you can't help but stare at the way his dark brown hair lays perfectly against his forehead, and his eyes crinkle so cutely at the edges when he smiles.

You nearly forget about the coffee grounds—you're snapped out of your Namjoon-induced trance when suddenly a woman's laugh echoes around the room.

"Look at her," the voice states.

You peer up and see a girl you vaguely recognize. Is she from Marketing? Or perhaps Sales? You’re not sure, but she’s staring at you with a sneer.

“She’s so weirdly obsessed with Namjoon. It’s so creepy.”

Your face turns cherry red and you’re sure your lungs stop functioning. The air your body needs to breathe freezes and your chest aches. 

Namjoon turns to look at the girl before he looks and sees you grasping your coffee grounds tightly.

“Chungha was right—it’s so weird. Namjoon, you should talk to HR about this!”

Namjoon turns back to the gossiping coworker and frowns. “Can you leave it alone? She wasn’t even doing anything.”

The girl huffs and crosses her arms over her chest and looks back at Namjoon.

“How can you stand to be in the same room as her? She clearly thinks she has a chance with you.”

Her words come out like a bite. She punctuates her point with a harsh laugh and the group around her mumbles and chuckles in agreement.

You’re desperately grabbing at anything you can, wanting to leave as quickly as possible before you’re embarrassed further.

“Well, she does!” Namjoon replies loudly, annoyance written in his features. “I was actually going to ask her to dinner this weekend in private, but since everyone is so fucking interested in my love life, I have to do it publicly.”

The room falls silent, and your favorite mug falls out from your hands and shatters on the floor. All sets of eyes stare at you while yours widen with disbelief—you don't even care that you’re standing in a pool of old coffee and shattered ceramic. 

Namjoon stands and heads over to you, bending down to pick up the shards of your coffee mug. You take a few stunted breaths to kneel and help. 

His eyes peer into yours. They’re warm—a chocolate brown color that makes you feel safe.  

“What do you say?” He asks with a smile so gentle it nearly breaks your heart. “Will you let me take you out this weekend?” 

You’re gaping like a fish and the surrounding room is silent—bated breath waiting for your reply. 

“Yes, I would l-love that.” 

His smile turns even brighter, and he stands to throw the broken mug away. 

“I’ll email you the details, okay?”

Your head nods dumbly without thinking. His eyes sparkle as he smiles at you, and he extends his hand down to you to assist you off the floor. As your hand slips into his, you can’t help but feel how soft and strong he feels. You wonder what his hand would feel like caressing your face, smoothing down the expanse of your bare back, running down the length of your body.

The thoughts shake out of you as he winks and kisses your hand gently, causing the gossiping coworker to grunt her disapproval and for murmurs of shock to echo around the room.

“I’ll talk to you later, doll.” Namjoon winks at you before he grabs his sandwich and leaves the room, gesturing to his crew to follow along.

The place on your hand felt warm where his lips once lingered. You no longer cared about the angry glares from the rest of your coworkers. Your heart beats wildly in your chest, and you leave the kitchen nearly floating on cloud nine.

Email from: Kim Namjoon

Sent: 3:06 pm

Subject: Hey good lookin ;)

Hey! 

Just wanted to see how you are! I’m sorry about what happened at lunchtime. That was super petty and uncalled for. I really wanted to ask you out, and I hope I didn’t embarrass you too much by doing it in front of everyone.

I was wondering if you’d like to go out this Friday night after work? Say around 7? If you send me your address, I’ll pick you up.

Let me know!

Xoxo, Joon

You’re sure if you weren’t sitting in your tiny cubicle, you’d be screaming your lungs out.

The second the notification of the email came through, direct from the man of your desires himself, your body froze.

You re-read the message, over and over and over.  

The winky emoji, the xoxo, the nickname ‘joon’. It’s all so much and makes the grin on your face threaten to split your lips in half.

Your fingers press the “FWD” button and you quickly send the message to Jimin, before you stand demurely, attempting to give off an air of professional confidence. You need to talk to Jimin, now.

As soon as you’re out of the eyesight of suspicious coworkers, you bolt down the hallway towards Human Resources. Your high heels click loudly on the tiled floor, but the sound doesn’t even register in your mind. All you can think about is Namjoon, the email, the press of his lips on your hand, the way his smile made you feel as if you could fly.  

The door to HR swings open with your tight grip around the doorknob, and you open your mouth to call to Jimin, the lone employee, when you’re startled by the sight ahead of you.

Jimin sits on the edge of his expansive desk with his arms thrown around Jungkook’s neck and is clearly engaged in a deep, sensual kiss. At the sound of the door opening, they quickly break apart, with matching cherry red blushes on their cheeks and mused hair.

“Oh, shit,” you gasp. 

The men are silent and you can’t help but giggle after a moment passes. “I’ll take it you two made up?”

Jungkook flashes you a dopey grin, one that gives you an answer, while Jimin smirks haughtily.

“Jungkook and I were just discussing, umm… his 401k.”

Jungkook looks at the blonde boy for a moment, confused, before he gets it. “Yeah! Totally. Retirement. Love to t-talk about it?”

You laugh out loud and walk towards the couple.

“I’m sure it was a titillating discussion,” you tease. “I have good news though, if it’s okay to interrupt this retirement planning session.”

Jimin nods and Jungkook rubs at the back of his neck awkwardly. “I guess I should leave?”

“It’s okay,” you smile. “I trust you.”

Jungkook smiles as if he’s just won the lottery. He looks between you and Jimin, face pure and excited like a puppy.

“What’s up?” Jimin asks as he moves to sit down at his desk.

“I forwarded you an email. Read it.”

Jimin nods and logs on to his posh computer, scrolling and clicking before narrowing his eyes and reading.

“Oh, my god.” Jimin’s face is shocked—it's written all over his features. “Namjoon asked you out?!”

Jungkook’s child-like grin turns into one of shock himself. He runs around to stand behind Jimin, eyes seeking over the words of the email.

“Well, hot damn,” Jungkook whistles. “He asked her out.”

Jimin exchanges a look with Jungkook, one that you’re not sure you can read. It quickly slips your mind, however, as you’re more focused on the task at hand.

“Can you come over tonight after work and help me pick out something to wear?” You ask excitedly.

Jimin smiles at you, a touch of sadness in his eyes, before he nods.

“Of course, babe,” he assures. “We’ll make sure you look nice and hot for the date with Mr. Kim.”

“Thank you!” You squeal as you wrap your arms around your best friend. He hugs you back before you scurry out of the office and back to your cubicle, itching to reply to the message.

Jimin sighs as the door to his office closes behind you.

“Kook, please don’t tell me he’s going to break her heart. He’s asking her out to make himself feel better about this, isn’t he?” 

Jungkook slips his hand into Jimin’s and squeezes. 

“I’ll find out, baby.”

Jimin smiles and nods appreciatively at the boy, before leaning up and kissing him.

Jungkook smiles against his lips, and is determined to ensure the young HR specialist never hates him again, even if he has to go behind his hyung’s back to ensure his new boyfriend’s happiness.

Jungkook has one mission now, and that’s ensuring Namjoon takes you on the greatest date known to man.

He grills Jimin with questions about what you like over dinner one night. Jimin finds it endearing that Jungkook is so eager to rectify his mistakes, but he still can’t help but worry that Namjoon is doing this to save face—not because he actually likes you.

“So, what does she like doing?” Jungkook asks as he spins his pasta around his chopsticks idly.

Jimin smiles as he takes a bite of the ramen Jungkook has thoughtfully prepared for their stay-at-home date.  

“I’ve told you already! She’s easy to figure out.” Jimin pats Jungkook’s hand gently. “She loves cooking and baking, working out, daydreaming about Namjoon.” 

“Cooking, hm,” Jungkook looks thoughtful as he takes a bite. “I think Namjoon can work with that. I’ll let him know!”

Jimin tries to hide the anxiety brewing in his stomach. He’s had to plaster on a fake smile for you while you tried on different outfits, wondering which will be the one to finally convince Namjoon he is the one for you. It’s hard to fake it around his boyfriend, too—but something tugs in his stomach that flares the cynical side of him.

Namjoon went from not knowing of your existence, to watching you get publicly embarrassed in a matter of minutes. While Namjoon isn’t a terrible guy, Jimin knows he doesn’t like anything to tarnish the gentleman reputation he’s built in the office. And as much as Jimin likes him, and surely likes his friend Jungkook, he can’t help but feel skeptical.

Jungkook hurriedly pulls out his phone and types away, letting his elder friend know of what he’s found out. Jimin swallows his food, and his pride, and hopes to god his growing cynicism is wrong.

Friday comes slower than you’d like. You wake up every day during the week, one day closer, and your eagerness hits peak levels. Namjoon sees you in the hallways during the week and winks at you, hands shoved in his tight slacks that make you salivate.  

He emails you again Thursday afternoon, confirming things and getting your address. You reply in nanoseconds, uncaring how overeager you come off. 

By the time your alarm clock rings on Friday morning, you’ve already been awake for 4 hours.

All you can do is daydream about the date, the way his hand fits into yours, the warmth of his eyes when he smiles at you.

It’s what fuels you through work.

You hope to god the numbers you’re attempting to work during the day come out right, because your mind is elsewhere for more than most of the day. There isn’t enough coffee in the world, but also your body feels as if you’ve overdosed on caffeine already.

The clock eeks towards 5:00 pm and you’re bolting out the door at 4:56 to head home and get ready for your date.

Jimin attempts to meet you before you leave, but your desk is cold and empty by the time he gets there.  

He sighs and heads back towards his office to gather his things, waving bye to various coworkers as they file out of the corporate building.

He turns the corner towards his office but stops in his tracks as he sees Namjoon’s back to him, phone pressed to his ear.

“Baby, I’ll come over later tonight, okay?” Namjoon speaks into the phone.

Jimin feels his heart fall into the pit of his stomach. He retreats and hides behind a wall, ear carefully peeled to listen to the tall man’s conversation.

“I’m going on this date with that chick from work,” he sighs. “It won’t last more than a few hours. Poor girl has a crush on me and you know the usual assholes won’t leave her alone.”

Jimin bites his lip and clenches his fist. Namjoon thinks he means well, but he knows his suspicions have been confirmed, and he’s torn inside. He wants to tell you, to warn you not to get too invested in the man, but he also has no interest in popping the bubble you’ve been in since the day he asked you out.

Jimin lets it simmer for now. He decides he’ll monitor Namjoon and cut things off if it appears the man strings you along for fun.

Namjoon finishes his phone call with a promise to see whoever is on the other end of the phone later that night, and Jimin quickly pulls out his phone and fakes a conversation with no one when he hears the man approach.

“Oh, Kookie,” Jimin giggles, leaning against the wall casually. “I can’t wait to see you tonight, either, babe.”

Namjoon walks towards Jimin and makes eye contact with the HR specialist.

“Bye, Kook! See you tonight, baby.” Jimin finishes up the fake phone call as Namjoon arrives next to him, and he plasters on his best fake smile.

“Congrats on you and Jungkook,” he speaks sincerely.

Jimin hates how nice he is, hates that he’s a nice guy who gets too wrapped up in his own good looks and reputation.

“Thanks, Namjoon,” Jimin smiles uneasily. “You too! Have fun on your date tonight.”

Namjoon’s face lights up and Jimin desperately wishes he could go back in time to 30 seconds ago, before he heard the conversation, and believe that Namjoon truly wanted to date you.

“Thanks, should be fun, huh?” He winks and nudges Jimin, before he waves a goodbye and continues out the door.

Jimin pulls his phone out of his pocket and dials the number of his boyfriend.

“Hey, baby. We’ve got a problem.”

tag list! - @jimidol @aretha170 @dearbambideer​ 

#kim namjoon smut #kim namjoon #bts smut #bts fics #namjoon smut #out of my league #knj #knj smut #rap monster smut #JOOOOOOOOOONie

[chris-evanslover]

SNL

OFC Aria Samsen is a writer for Saturday Night Live in New York City. She works with all the hosts on their sketches, including this weeks guest, Timothée Chalamet. What will happen when she accidentally mixes business with pleasure?

Shit! I’m gonna be late if I stop for coffee, but, if I don’t stop for coffee I won’t be productive. Talk about a slippery slope. I quickly duck into the coffee shop by the subway station I need to take to get to work and order a large iced coffee, Monday’s are usually rough. I thank the barista and rush to catch the A train to work. 

Speaking of work, my job is definitely an interesting one. I am a writer for SNL and it’s been such a dream these past couple of years. I’m 25 and starting to really take off in terms of my writing, I’ve been offered the position to become a part-time cast member multiple times on the show but I don’t think my anxiety would agree with that. I arrive to work a little late with my iced coffee (even though it’s the middle of December) and I make a beeline for my office, which I share with Pete Davidson, who happens to be one of my closest friends. Pete and I are complete opposites if that gives you any context on me.

 “You’re late” Pete laughed as I walked in. 

“Yeah yeah I’m aware, what are you working on?”

 “I’ve had this jets fan club idea for a while and I’ve been waiting for the right host”

 “I didn’t get a chance to check the schedule before leaving Saturday night, who’s the host this week?” 

“Seriously Aria? It’s Timothée Chalamet, he’s actually a friend of mine” 

“Oh sweet, I like his movies”

 “Thank you!” I heard an unfamiliar voice from behind me coming from the doorway. I glare at Pete who’s trying not to laugh, and turn around to face the owner of this voice. Timothée stands there with a smile on his face and reaches his hand out to me, “Timothée, nice to meet you-?”

“Aria” I fumble around placing my coffee, phone and keys down and shake his hand.“Nice to meet you too” Timothée let’s go of my hand and I feel Pete slip past me to dab up (or whatever guys do idfk) Tim. 

“It’s been a minute man how are you?” Pete asked him. “I’ve been great dude, I’m excited to host although I am pretty nervous” “Don’t be, you’ll do great” I smiled at him. Why did I say that, he clearly isn’t having a conversation with me. Great he’s going to think I’m weird now and not want to talk to me or work with me and this whole week is going to be horri-“Thank you Aria” he smiled and locked eyes with me, I felt my cheeks getting hot and averted my gaze to my stuff on Pete’s desk, picking up my drink before taking a sip, stepping back towards my desk.

“I gotta go talk to Colin Jost and Michael Che..can you guys point me in the right direction?” Tim asked. Pete looked at me and smirked saying “Yeah Aria can show you I’m in the middle of a pitch” Tim looked at me and said “Sounds great, lead the way”. I put all my stuff down before sneaking a glare Pete’s way, he knew how nervous I got around guys I didn’t know and he was using me as a pawn in his own enjoyment game. I’m gonna kill him for this.

“Follow me” I said, Timothée started walking next to me. “So, you’re a writer a presume?” I laughed a little bit. “Yeah I write some of the stuff for weekend update and some other sketches as well” “That’s so cool, I’ve been watching the show since I can remember, you should be really proud” “I am, thank you, that’s sweet” he nodded and shoved his hands in his pockets. 

“So you and Pete? Are you guys close friends or dating or-?” If I was drinking something at the moment, I’m positive I would’ve choked on it. Did he just ask if I’m dating Pete? Why would he want to know that?

“No, no! Just close friends is all, Pete’s like an older brother to me” Tim smiled at this and let out a laugh. “That’s nice, Pete’s a great guy” I stopped in front of Colin and Michael’s office and turned to him. “Yeah he’s alright I guess, anyway here’s there office, I’m sure you’re gonna be busy all day but you’re probably slotted to sit with Pete and I at some point during the week so I’ll see you around”. How I managed to get all of that out without stuttering terribly over my words is well beyond me.

I went to walk away when I felt Timothée grab my upper left arm, I turned towards him with what I presume looked like a look of confusion on my face, “Thank you for walking me, I hope I see you around sooner rather than later” he smiled and walked into the office, leaving me to contemplate what he just said. 

As I walked back to my office, I couldn’t help but think about him. Sure, I’ve met celebrities but there was something completely disarming about his charisma. He was down to earth, I could just tell. I opened the door to find Pete sitting at his desk, smiling bright at me when he saw I walked in. 

“You spent 5 minutes with Timmy and you already have a crush on him”

I rolled my eyes “I do not have a crush on him, shut up Pete”

“If you don’t yet, I bet you will by the end of the week” What the hell does that mean? I’ll have a crush on him by the end of the week? Well it looks like that trains boarding as we speak, not long till it leaves the station. I couldn’t help myself but go sit at my desk and Google him. 

Timothée Chalamet

Born: December 27, 1995 (25 Years Old) New York City, NY

Height: 5’11

Parents: Nicole Flender, Marc Chalamet

Siblings: Pauline Chalamet

Education: LaGuardia Arts High School, Columbia University, MORE…

Upcoming Films: DUNE (2021), The French Dispatch (2021), MORE…

“I dO nOt HaVe A cRuSh On HiM” Pete imitated me (horrible imitation, by the way). I jumped out my seat, not even noticing he was behind me, looking over my shoulder at my computer. My head fell into my hands as I let out a loud groan of frustration as Pete made his way back to his desk laughing.

“You’ll thank me when I make this happen.”

“Shut up Pete.”

A/N: I decided to go ahead with this multi-part series, not sure how many parts I'm gonna make it but I definitely want to try for 3 or 4, maybe 5, depending on how many ideas I can come up with. Sorry this was a little short but I’m happy to be back to writing, I took a break for a while and It feels great to be back! Ill be adding a Timmy section to my taglist on the google docs at the top of my master list if anyones interested. Im gonna stop rambling, I appreciate feedback or ideas for the rest of the series :) 

Tagging these who responded to my original post about doing this series but I won’t tag you next time if you don’t want me to! @elarasstardust​

#timothee chamalet #timothee chalamet imagine #timothée hal chalamet

[medieval-canadian]

Hello :) would you happen to have any tips/resources for people with adhd who are behind on work and NEED to get stuff done? It's the holidays but I have a big research paper due in 2 weeks and I haven't done a thing, it's making my life miserable worrying 24/7 about it 😭

oh man. oh babe. im so sorry you’re in this situation, and also i have no idea when you sent this and therefore no clue if im responding in a timely manner or not, but i totally 100% feel you because i was doing the same (worse) with the grading i dragged forEVER and also now im in a very very similar boat with my special fields prep. so this may end up being a useful exercise for me, too.

i guess my top tips would be:

1. take one day fully off. not off by virtue of the fact that i made no progress even though i tried (no matter if “tried” looks nothing like trying from an outside perspective, we know it’s not that simple). just. off. you are not supposed to do any work on the thing today. today you are going to wash your piled up dirty clothes (and if you’re feeling ambitious maybe even FOLD IT and PUT IT AWAY!!) (i have literally never done those things all on the same day though so like. no pressure). or whatever other thing is staring at you from its pile of filth. have a meal. take some naps. rest a bit, guilt-free.

2. once you’ve had your day off, sit down and make a list. making that list may start with looking up other lists (WITH A TIME LIMIT I.E., A LOUD OBNOXIOUS TIMER. if u have a mac look up the nag timer app). basically every time i have to write a research paper, i have to look up a step-by-step on how to write a research paper. that’s (for me) often the first obstacle--i can’t start because i don’t remember how to write a research paper, so how the fuck would i know where to start? now that you’ve got a step-by-step guide (or four), combine/customize them into your own list. my version of the list often has way more detailed steps than any of the ones i looked up.

2b. that list may look like: -turn on computer -open word doc -set up MLA formatting -pull out syllabus/assignment description -choose prompt/topic/text (30 mins) -open google & search basic terms (15 mins) -open library website and search terms (20 mins) -open google scholar and search terms (15 mins) -etc.

***N.B. i don’t know what discipline you’re working in so like, keep in mind i’ve only ever written literature research essays.

***also, it’s pretty important to try to set those time limits; use timers. if you really need more time, you can set the timer again, but having the buzzer go off helps you to pause and evaluate: do i really need to go down this rabbithole? do i need to spend more time searching for a source to support my claim that Irish independence happened in 1923 when i just wasted like 3 hours on that? or can i just assume that that’s common knowledge in the course on the Irish Literary Revival? (true story) (why that was so hard for me to find i cannot say but it was and i couldn’t get my brain unstuck from it until i got really pissed off and was like “FUCK THIS” and then thought, wait why am i bothering)

3. take a break--go for a walk, play with your pet, slice an apple for a snack. REFILL YOUR WATER (if you haven’t been drinking up till now, drain the bottle THEN refill it) (i always forget to drink and it’s WILD how much that will mess up your workflow)

4. consider playing pretend--it may sound silly/stupid/i haven’t done that since grade school, kat, what the fuck are you talking about, but honestly sometimes it works! pretend you’re your fave character lost in a research binge (i rly like stiles from teen wolf, okay, and it’s the perfect vibe for getting into it). pretend you’re a big important researcher whose findings could change the field forever and they are desperately needed PRONTO. etc.

5. if all else fails, ask for an extension if you can!

#i hope this maybe helps a little! #Anonymous #adhd grad student #ADHD #advice

[hufflautia]

In Sickness and in Health

Requested by @milk-leaves!​  

Warnings: A very brief and non-explicit sexual implication

Summary: Slytherin catches the flu. Luckily, her husband is there to help. However, her stubborn nature and insistent claim that “she can’t be sick because she’s never been sick in her entire life” makes it a little difficult for Hufflepuff to assist her. Marriage isn’t always easy, but with the proper amount of love and patience, everything works out in the end. 

Slytherin grabs the garbage can just in time to vomit into the basket. When she finishes, she wipes her mouth with a grimace and rests her forehead against the bed. 

“Honey?” 

She looks up and sees Hufflepuff standing by the door, his forehead puckered as he takes in her appearance. Her hair unruly, she’s slumped on the floor of their bedroom, looking tired and pale. 

Usually, Slytherin would be happy to see her husband. However, all she feels is irritation in the wake of his presence, and she leans against the side of the mattress once more. 

“What are you doing here,” she croaks, eyeing him as he approaches her and kneels down. “I thought you had to go to the Ministry today.” 

“It was a minor emergency, so I left early.” He regards her carefully. “Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine.” 

Hufflepuff frowns. “But you threw up.” 

“Yeah, I’ve been doing that a lot today,” she murmurs weakly. Noticing his eyes widen, she snorts. “I’m not pregnant if that’s what you’re thinking. I got my period today.”  

He gives her a sympathetic look. “I imagine it’s been a very fun day for you.” 

“The best I’ve ever had, actually.” 

Leaning in ever so slightly, that’s when Hufflepuff sees it—the faint flush on her face, the way she folds her arm around herself, the tinge of hoarseness in her voice.  

He reaches out and touches Slytherin’s forehead. Her skin feels hot and cold at the same time. She bats away his hand in annoyance. “What are you doing,” she snaps, scowling at him. Her anger immediately falters when she notices how his eyebrows rise, a look of surprise mixed with hurt spreading onto his face. 

“You have a fever,” he confirms quietly. 

Slytherin resists a frown. “But I never get sick.” 

“Well, it happens to the best of us.” He gets up. “Wait here, I’ll get some medicine.” 

“I don’t need it,” she calls after him but he’s already in the kitchen, rummaging through the cabinets. He returns with a bottle and a small cup. Taking a seat before pouring red liquid into the cup, he ignores her when she says his name in a tone of indignation, insisting that she isn’t sick.

Hufflepuff hands it to her. “Drink,” he says firmly. When she juts her chin out and pouts, he lets out an exasperated sigh. “Honey, I know you don’t want to, but it’ll make you feel better.”

She still doesn’t move. This time, he returns her unyielding stare with one of his own. His tone is hard and demanding as he warns, “I’m not gonna repeat myself.” 

Slytherin grudgingly brings the cup to her lips. If she didn't feel like complete shit right now, she would keep pushing his patience for fun. She’d even be a little turned on by his authoritative voice. Probably both. 

She immediately makes a face as the medicine slides down her throat. “This tastes like ass,” she grumbles, pressing the back of her hand against her mouth and setting the cup down. 

He chuckles. “Medicine tends to taste that way.” He stands and offers his hand. “Come. I’m sure a warm shower sounds perfect right now.”  

A faint smile twitches at the corner of her mouth. “How’d you know,” she asks, taking his hand. A wave of nausea sweeps over her when she gets up, and he quickly plants his hands on either side of her. 

“I’m your husband,” he pulls her closer, “I know these things.” 

Slytherin wraps her arms around him. “Will you carry me to the bathroom,” she mumbles into his sweater. 

He presses a kiss to the top of her head before picking her up bridal-style with care. 

“Do you even have to ask?” 

A couple of hours pass. Feeling drowsy from the medicine, Slytherin took a long nap before waking up to the smell of homemade soup. Hufflepuff cooked something for her while she was sleeping. To her dismay, he also gave her another cup of NyQuil, but she drank it without any resistance. Afterwards, her headache subsided and was diminished to a dull pain, which is nothing compared to before. 

Now, she is laying in bed, feeling comfortable and content as she snuggles with her husband while he reads her favorite book out loud. She’ll probably never openly admit it but she loves when they cuddle. Listening to the smooth drawl of his voice, she catches a few words while dozing in and out of sleep. Her lips curve into a smile. He’s getting to her favorite part where he speaks in a ridiculous voice when reading the dialogue of an ancient wizard. 

Hufflepuff had read the book to her before when they were dating. He used the same wise and raspy voice as he uses now. At that moment, as she attempted to hold in her laughter, she knew he was the one. Funnily enough, he ended up proposing to her a month later. 

Feeling the familiar tug in her heart that can only be classified as complete adoration, Slytherin musters enough strength to pull herself out of the cozy arms of sleep. She shifts around so that she can properly see his face and says his name tenderly. 

“What is it,” he asks, putting the book down. “Is your headache still bothering you?” 

“A little, but...I’m sorry for being mean to you before. I was angry at you for no reason, but it might’ve been because of my period, and you already know how bad my PMS gets sometimes, but I still feel terrible about being so rude because you’re so great and sweet and you were only trying to help but I was being so difficult and I think I’m just not really used to people taking care of me, so I was trying to handle this flu on my own but I still shouldn’t have acted that way—and I literally hit your fucking hand and I hate myself for it because you don’t deserve it at all, you deserve so much more than whatever I have to offer...” Words continue to spill from her mouth as she rambles on and on, not bothering to pause for a breath of air. 

Hufflepuff says her name and she finally stops, staring back at him with a contorted expression as if she were trying to back tears. He cups her cheek, to which she leans into his warm touch. “Please don’t worry about that anymore, honey, it’s okay. Honestly. I’ve been with you long enough to know that there’s no one else I would rather be with but you. Even with your stubbornness, I love you all the same. Maybe even a little more.” He gives her a reassuring smile as she looks back at him with watery eyes. “Just focus on resting for now, okay?”

She nods and tries to smile back, getting a little choked up in the process. His words are laced with so much endearment that she realizes just how lucky she is to have someone like him to spend the rest of her life with. She puts her hand over his. 

“Thank you,” she whispers, “for loving me as you do.”  

His gaze is so unimaginably soft that, for a split second, Slytherin wonders how it’s even possible. He leans in, and she happily closes the distance. 

One might think that as time passes for a married couple, the love begins to stale. This is not true in their case, for the flutter in her stomach intensifies as they kiss. She can only focus on how soft he feels against her lips, how he invades all her senses in the best way possible. Her fingers grip the front of his shirt while his hand rests against the curve of her neck when they finally pull apart. Their noses brush against each other as they lock eyes. 

“I love you,” she breathes. 

“I know,” he murmurs. “And I love you.” 

“Good. Because we’re stuck with each other forever.” 

“I’d be sad if we weren’t,” he replies with a grin, retrieving the book. “Shall I continue reading?” 

She beams at him before laying her cheek against his chest. “Yes please.” 

Hufflepuff flips to the page he left off from. While he reads, he traces patterns around her stomach, as if he's painting a beautiful masterpiece over her skin. 

A couple of chapters in, Slytherin momentarily closes her eyes as his melodious voice washes over her. 

The sound of his steady heartbeat lulls her to sleep. 

FIN.

~

Check out my masterlist! | Kind comments and reblogs are most appreciated :) 

AUTHOR’S NOTE: 

Hello everyone! I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. It took me a while to come up with an idea for this (also, to the person who requested this, I hope you are satisfied :D). My friend had the idea of “a vacation gone horribly wrong”. It was a fantastic idea - I even made a google doc for it and everything, but I did not write out a sufficient amount of general details for it because nothing solid came to mind. Then, when I was trying to go to sleep, I came up with this idea and I am very happy with how it came out!! 

I modeled Hufflepuff after Steve Rogers to some extent. He has that gentle giant type of vibe. He is kind and loving, but he’ll be stern if he needs to. I have to admit, the thought of making a series about slytherpuff married life has crossed my mind while writing this one-shot. I am still contemplating it. If I do create the series, it won’t be restricted to this couple specifically, but I will consider writing more stories about them because I really do adore their dynamic! Anyways, if I were to write that series, it would be different stories with different couples. It might not even be classified as a series but more as a collection of slytherpuff married life stories. Also, there would probably be at least one nsfw story included in that collection, but I will not be writing any smut until after my birthday, which is in April. *HI THIS IS JESSICA FROM THE NEXT DAY, aka the day that i’m gonna post this and im just going over the fic. while i was sleeping, i just thought of ANOTHER marriage fic so i think im going to make a married life collection of storiessss :D :D :D!!! however, im still wondering about whether i should write it, because the story idea is a little eh. if anyone has any other marriage life ideas, please feel free to let me know! before, i was a little hesitant on making a collection because it was hard for me to think of ideas for this fic when the request came in. hopefully, that will change in the future. also why do i keep coming up with good ideas for stories in my sleep lmao* 

Writing this story was fun. I stayed up until 2 am for four straight days while writing. Lmao how odd is it to see those two sentences right next to each other? In all honestly, I didn’t feel like it was 2 am because I was in the zone. I just kept writing until I told myself to go to bed because the future morning me will regret it--and lemme tell you, she really does. Anyways, I used my own experience with medicine for fevers. I absolutely hate the taste of NyQuil; I remember when my mom would make me drink small cups of it whenever I was sick. Also, when I was writing Sly’s rambling bit, I did not put any periods in the paragraph because I wanted to make it seem like she’s going on and on and isn’t stopping. However, I thought it to be weird and so I put the paragraph into the “translate to english” thing so that I could press the audio icon and hear what it sounds like. I’m happy to report that it was one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard in my entire life because her monotone voice saying all that was very amusing. 

There is no telling what fic I will post next. Last week, I was all over the place and working on several fics, moving from one to another when I got bored of the story. Also, my mental state is not the best at the moment. I’ve been feeling self-conscious about my writing recently, and I’m probably gonna go through another episode of that because this is gonna be the first fic that marks the end of tag lists and so this is probably gonna be an underrated fic because fewer ppl will see it. I came to realize that it’s not me who’s writing bad fics; even though I tag people, there’s a noticeable lack of interaction, so it’s likely that some of my followers just aren’t active anymore. There was a fanfic writer who I really like because their loki fics are amazing. A few weeks ago, I found their other blog that I was not aware of beforehand and they made a post 3 weeks ago saying that they would no longer be writing fics because there were barely any people interacting with them. She seemed really upset, saying stuff like “I guess my fics just aren’t good enough”, “no one can save me anymore” (I know that sounds very ominous but she was insinuating “no nice comments will make me change my mind”), and “I feel like deleting my blog because there’s a sense of failure in just leaving them there”. This made me really sad, and a part of me was afraid that one day, I would adopt a similar mindset. However, I know that there’s a group of people who will always be there to read my stories, so I’m gonna try to hold onto that idea and continue writing to make you happy and myself happy as well. Also I just realized that I always include one part in my author’s note that’s just sad for some reason :’)

ANYWAYS, I remember making a post a longgggg time ago that said “I promise that I will finish the slytherpuff series if it’s the last thing I do”. That has changed; I plan to post all the chapters leading up to their requited love at last (aka the part in which they actually get into a relationship together). After that, there’s still a bunch of chapters but they’re just fluffy bits, i.e. rainy day, they bake together, oop it’s one of their birthdays, etc. In other words, they aren’t essential to the plot. I could turn them into one-shots and stuff, but some of the chapters relate to the characters’ lives. In addition, it’s sweet to see their relationship progress. For those chapters regarding fluffy bits of their relationship, I won’t feel incentive to write them right away because their love is already requited and I also have two big series that I would rather work on. However, I’m not gonna start another series yet because I don’t wanna leave you on a cliffhanger in Chapter 3 and suddenly start writing a whole other series. The plan is to post all the chapters for the slytherpuff series leading up to the moment when they start dating (Chapter 7 or 8 will probably be when they actually get together). That way, there’s no rush to complete it because it’s just easy and sweet since they’re already in a relationship and readers aren’t anxiously waiting to see what happens next. After that, I will probably begin writing the other series, which will be different from the original slytherpuff series. You’ll see why. Once in a while, I will go back to the original series and write for that when I feel like it. 

I’m trying my best to finish writing Chapter 4 :( It is gonna be long - I’ve already written about 7 pages and I am thinking of splitting it into two parts. If I do, I might be posting part 1 soon because it’s kind of already done. Then again, I like the idea of just posting it all at once. We’ll see! I’m gonna try to work on that after this. My desire to write is sporadic, but comments and interactions from readers are very impactful in terms of my motivation to write, so be sure to leave feedback if you can! I’ll see you all again the next time I post a fic. Thanks for reading!

Tags: 

@slytherpuff-shenanigans @axieleration @sunnniiee @just--another--bean @determinedpines @zenobiagrace @asterinflower @cinnamon-roll-unicorn @mossy-axolotl @dumbbitch11 @hitchhiker-of-the-galaxy @notsowiseravenclaw  @arianatorpotterhead @eatacrackerandstop @luciferswife16 @walkinganomaly @asunshinepuff @lewispoolerpayton @adreameratdawn @thewitcheswords @oncergleekpotterhead @princessstoopid @stardustzainy @flvrqnce @multi-fandom-nutjob @eunnieah @iamahufflepuff @1hufflepuff @introvertedrae @princessstoopid @jasminedayz @magnoliamermaid @HOPEFUL-HUFFLEPUFF-PEEVES @peanut-in-the-goal @pufflehuff929 @sophiexteresa @da-fox-rangerrr @dawinehouse @shipping-book-keeper @xxavaloraxx @silverhetdanes @im-a-solanum-lycopersicum @elegantcroissantplaidpony @theoriginaljohnwatsonsblog @theoriginalsherlockholmesblog @vickeyunicorn @arianatorpotterhead @hmilkwhoney @simpering-simpleton @grandcyclecreation @sweetinvisiblewriter @marvelenthusiast10 @mvlpksvthisht @qiaopa @beardedhumanoid @jadefox05 @justanotherperson @inkedintothepaper @minty-malfoy @trippy-morgan @fangirlgeekandfreak @boilyourteeth @absentmindeduniverse @colettedelaurel @halfelven1 @happy-puff @coloring-bud @in-love-with-remus-lupin @autumnpleaves @crakencc @flyme--tothemoon @hedgepuffgirl @littleemotionalpanda @pancakes-and-sugar @korra4321 @aquietkindofthunder @qixnsriess @porksoba @thatfann @hellounicorn @i-have-a-bad-feeling @aasa2102 @zuko-28 @annie-mcl @clementines-x @writtenfoxscreams @randomwriter23 @cryingabtwandavision @coolninjavoid @urfaveslytherin @malfoys-demigod @tumlbr-trasher @violayaxley @wolfpack-arts-industries99 @zainieees-stuff @milk-leaves @priii @capt-sparrow @blueberry-9-pancakes @stressy-depressy   

#Hogwarts #harry potter #slytherpuff #hufferin #hufflepuff x slytherin #hufflepuff and slytherin relationship #hufflepuff #slytherin #hogwarts imagine #hogwarts houses #slytherin x hufflepuff #hufflepuff-x-slytherin #slytherin-x-hufflepuff #slytherin and hufflepuff #hufflepuff and slytherin #cedric diggory #hufflepuff pride #hogwarts fanfiction #harry potter oneshot #slytherpuff oneshot #slytherin and hufflepuff relationship #hufflepuff and slytherin fanfiction #harry potter fanfiction

[dykefoosh]

My New Purpose Transcript: 8/4/21

It's the entire thing! Heres it on a google doc if thats easier!

T: Hello, Big Q! Hello?

Q: Ah! OH, oh, sorry sorry sorry sorry, I was just just making sure that they went- they left hehh

T: Are you alright?

Q: That was ha-heh

T: That was, that was pretty

Q: No no no yeah that was interesting huh

T: Yeah I didn’t expect that- but they seem to be a lot more you know like… agitated then I thought. I didn't think this was gonna be too much of a big deal hehe

Q: Ha ha well yeah it's just what happens when people start you know.. when people start competing against you…

T: Yeah yeah

Q: And Tubbo here’s the thing, the saying I’ve always heard… is people will root for you until you are doing better then them alright?

T: Really?

Q: When you start doing better than them, that's when everyone turns on you and starts getting jealous and all that… you know um so I think this is a situation where maybe I don’t know Wilbur was rooting for us until

T: Until

Q: We started doing better than them?

T: Heh yeah I mean we know, you know we haven’t really made any burgers yet and we’re not quite doing better yet but we should- we gotta work on that

Q: Oh Tubbo, Tubbo you shouldn’t even worry about that, I have so much trust in you to run this place, you know, I- this, this place ah has had the possibility of having many employees and I thought you were the best, and you, you were telling me telling me this whole thing about how you needed to find purpose, how you needed to do something

T: Yeah

Q: And um, you know this, this I think this is a good place to start!

T: I just want to say thank you so much for letting me work here man I feel like I’ve not had much to do ever now since I’ve had this job like its nice to finally have a purpose, something to do, a reason to do stuff

Q: Yeah Tubbo listen, it doesn’t have to end here, a lot of things are happening in the country you know there’s a lot of people in here um

T: Yeah yeah

Q: Things move forward in a really really good way and Tubbo I- I trust you I mean we were comrades in Lmanburg and all of that so this is, this is great this is really good

T: Thank you I appreciate that

Q: But

T: Especially after that little blip we had

Q: Yeah, thats what I was gonna say- but

T: Yeah

Q: I don’t want to ruin, I don’t want to ruin the moment but there is something we have to discuss

T: Yeah yeah maybe we should head over there, yeah okay

Q: I, listen I’m putting a lot of trust in you

T: I appreciate that as well

Q: But we ah

T: This is a really nice- this is really exciting

Q: I do want to talk about that one thing um and we never really discussed it

T: Yeah we kind of yeah we left it, I kind of didn’t want to jeopardize my chances of getting the job you know?

Q: no and at the end of the day its not even about the job Tubbo it's more that our friendship and the history we had together

T: Yeah

Q: I think that's the most important part to me because you know what? Um jobs come and go, you you are meant for so many bigger things, this is where we’re starting Tubbo but you know um

T: Yeah you know, first this, tomorrow the world I guess

Q: Yeah absolutely - waha I’m just, I’m gonna be straight up with you wh-a

T: Why the fuck is there a duck on it? Haha

Q: What what's this tubbo?

T: I’m gonna be honest thats not me- I didn’t I didn’t do that one

Q: So the cookie outpost, we had a discussion, you and me we were fighting

T: Yeah it was getting pretty heated

Q: And so what is this really for tubbo?

T: It was to mainly sell cookies if i'm honest, I - I just I- I wasn’t myself that day

Q: Tubbo… Tubbo….. Tubbo….

T: Yeah?

Q: What was it actually for?

T: I- uh just wanted to keep an eye on you I wanted to see what everyone was up to, it wasn’t a sign of aggression or anything I kind of wanted to see what everyone was up to and me being nosy, I wasn’t acting like myself, I’m sorry

Q: I- I it just felt super uh out of nowhere and build this whole entire thing

T: Yeah this complex

Q: In Front of my country so um, you know what uh, it still feels a little weird, it it feels like a needle poking, I have no problems with you but there is something there that keeps me uneasy

T: Yeah, I 100% understand that

Q: Tubbo, I don’t think , this is a really nice structure, this is a really nice structure.

T: Aw I appreciate that

Q: You have full ownership of this place right?

T: More or less yeah, Started it all out under my name, definitely, I mean I’d like to leave the past in the past you know and just work on building from there

Q: I- I can’t figure out any other way to do that than probably to take- no no you know what Tubbo? You know what?

T: What?

Q: Clean slate clean slate. I don’t think we should take it down because at the end of the day, you, you built it and I think its uh

T: I think it also helps show my initiative on what I can bring to the burger shop as well.

Q: Of course, of course but I have an idea, how about we integrate this land, this structure into Las Nevadas?

T: Wait, you want it to become part of Las Nevadas?

Q: Yeah yeah!

T: That could be cool

Q: Yeah you know what we can- forget about everything in the past forget about everything in the past, we can integrate this beautiful place into las Nevadas its built close its built in proximities,

T: It makes sense it's on the outskirts and maybe-

Q: Yeah, yeah yeah yeah so we can integrate it into the las Nevadas outskirts and we can do you like that idea? Are you down with that? We can just make it part of las Nevadas

T: Well yeah yeah I mean

Q: It’s your structure, your property

T: Yeah i'm a little apprehensive but I mean as long as I get ownership, it's just that you own the land

Q: Yeah yeah yeah! I own the land, its like rent but you’re not going to be paying rent obviously

T: Yeah yeah yeah

Q: I just can't make sure this can be part of Las Nevadas and so there’s no confusion and stuff. Is this cool with you?

T: Yeah its cool with me just like keep it as it is, keep the pond keep the farms

Q: Yeah it's your ownership but yeah it does have to be a part of Las Nevadas land and everything. How about we make it official?

T: You want to make it official?

Q: Yeah yeah yeah I have a book and quill

T: Oh, okay I wasn’t expecting you to move this quickly already. Could we sign it up to the top of the needle so we can have a look at it while we do it, you recon?

Q: That is a wonderful idea, let's go there right now.

T: Yeah I mean it makes sense, its where we first had our first discussion about this, it only makes sense to you know cross the t’s dot the eyes, put the past in the past

Q: Yes yes especially since its part of las Nevadas

T: Yeah It makes sense to sign it in one of the most significantly important buildings in las Nevadas here I'd say

Q: Absolutely Absolutely tubbo, hey I think it's great you’re taking steps to move your life forward um wow- how you know, I haven't really spoke to you properly after everything that happened in Lmanburg

T: Yeah everything with Technoblade… Damm

Q: Yeah we talked about this whole project and you and me but um you know what I want to know a little bit about your insight of what happened in lmanburg and all of that

T: What happened with Lmanburg? Oh yeah I didn't see you after Technoblade left, to be honest I haven't seen much of Technoblade either, I barely have seen anything or anyone, like yeah I kind of have been isolated on my own just hanging out, like I said no kind of purpose, just walking around, drifting kind of you know living in the past mainly and im trying to move that behind me, uh well what happened with- uh after um well you went Awol in lmanburg well its all kind of a blur, all the values just changed away um like we lost our core values and the country fell after that. Which is really, yeah that's more or less it.

Q: Yes, yes sorry I feel like I’m not paying enough attention, im writing the thing im sorry my bad

T: No its fine

Q: We will insert the coordinations later but yeah, just yeah really fast just sign that

T: So “Tubbo cookie outpost proper is now part of las nevadas land and is under its rules and constitution.” Yeah this um

Q: yeah we’ll well insert the coordinates later

T: I- I sign on the second page right?

Q: Yeah yeah yeah go ahead and sign it on yeah the second page there

T: Okay done and I still feel like I own the property there, everything still belongs to me it's just part of las Nevadas which is cool

Q: Right which, right it's just part of las Nevadas, its territory,, its rules constitution and all that, but you inergreating into the country is that first big step and Tubbo,

T: Yeah?

Q: I just want to say thank you for your disposition to just to just you know help out with las Nevadas and everything it- it means a lot you wanting to manage the place and again I felt like it was the right thing for you

T: Aw thank you man.

Q:I mean briefly you told me about how much you miss Lmanburg, how much you miss those times….

T: Yeah it's been, it's been I’m gonna be honest it's been a little bit upsetting as of late especially, I’ve just been missing it as it was a year ago yesterday… it all started and I've been there since the beginning of it and to see where its all come now has been a bit upsetting

Q: I- yeah…

T: but it's really admirable with what you’ve done here,

Q: Thank you tubbo, thank you tubbo

T: It’s got a solid foundation, you're really inspiring I feel very inspired just looking around

Q: Thank you, thank you tubbo. You know, I uh, thank you, that means a lot man

T: It’s alright man

Q: It's been uh, things can, things can get difficult, but I appreciate that Tubbo, but at the end of the day, you know whatever you need from me, whatever you need or require anything at all from me tubbo, just let me know. That restaurant you managing it now, you have a project to go off on

T: Yeah

Q: And there’s a lot of opportunities so if there’s anything you need, anything else you need you can cem talk to me

T: Will do,

Q: And we’ll figure stuff out

T: Will do yeah, I think it's about time for me to get back to work, I wanna scope out - they apparently they said they had a burger shop they said so yeah

Q: Yeah

T: I wanna make sure we are taking strides in the right direction for the competition, i'm gonna make burgers that will be remembered.

Q: Right, would you want me to go with you? Would you want to-

T: I- I think I’ll go alone I think I can see it just actually, is it that little thing behind the pool area, by the penthouse thing?

Q: Yeah yeah I like to call it a market study

T: Yeah yeah

Q: Yeah I usually do that alone, so Tubbo, Tubbo, I’ll. Be up here

T: Yeah when I’m done with my market study we can come up with some groundbreaking material for the burger shop!

Q: Oh yeah absolutely, actually you know what, just meet me at the burger shop, I’ll be there working on it, making some changes doing some redecorating and stuff

T: Alright, sounds amazing! Again, thank you so much for the job!

Q: Of course Tubbo!

T: Thank you!

Q: Oh Tubbo you shouldn’t be thanking me, I should be the one thanking you- you you are a great, you are like a gear in the machine and you are one of †he most important gears in the machine, you know when the machine loses a gear and it- Tubbo you’re a pillar you’re like a pillar to our structure is what I’m saying

T: Aw thank you man I do appreciate it

Q: Alright

T: Catch you later mate

Q: Alright cya

T: Ohh I thought he was gonna be more upset about the cookie outpost, I thought he would be a bit more upset, Alright let's check out the burger shop, I think it's gonna be nice, I think it's gonna be really really nice because the way Wilbur described it it was a really nice place.. oh oh! Ranboos here!

Hello!

R: Oh! Oh uh - hel- hell- hello

T: Hi Uh

R: Uh ho- how are you doing?

T: Um im I’m doing alright

R: W- what were you up to?

T: Well I- I was just talking with Quackity over the burger business and stuff you know

R: Well is everything okay with that?

T: Yeah, Yeah I'm pretty sure it's fantastic!

R: You- you sure?

T: Yeah 100% I think it's going really well. Can I come inside? I kinda want to have a look at your place!

R: Sure- I mean its it's not all done we are still uh me and Wilbur are still working on it and stuff

T: Why do you trust Wilbur so much?

R: Hmm?

T: Why do you trust Wilbur?

R: Well, here here’s the thing, basically I I don’t trust trust Wilbur yet but I do have more trust in him then you do

T: Yeah

R: But I mean 13 years I mean a guy is gotta change throughout all of that right?

T: I mean I suppose so I don’t not think he has changed, I just think he has to have the opportunity to prove it because- trust

R: Yeah thats why, why I am here so when he does something that does redeem himself, then someone can be there that will be able to see it and everything and honestly I rather it be me the person, rather it be me than someone else. So um

T: I guess I guess that makes a lot of sense I guess, I I don’t know I guess I don’t think I feel I can put my life in his hands again if you know what I mean.. heheh..

R: Well this isn’t this isn't putting my life in his hands this is just making a little little burger shop and everything… Are you okay with all of this right?

T: Oh yeah I yeah its fine its fine

R: okay that's that

T: Yeah it's enjoyable, yeah I understand it all it makes a lot of sense

R: You sure you understand? Because like- if if you need me to stop, then i'll stop

T: Yeah yeah, I noticed, is there a reason that you haven't told Wilbur about the tax reasons.. marriage hehe

R: Yeah yeah thats just because from what I’ve heard from Tommy and everything the Wilbur that thirteen years ago at least used stuff against Tommy and everything so you know just incase I mean I still trust Wilbur not super fully just at least a little bit

T: Ahh, I can fully completely understand that honestly

R: I like working with him as well its nice it's just nice to do something

T: Yeah, fair enough, I think the competition will be good yeah I mean i'm very excited I haven't felt this happy in quite awhile, I feel like I finally got something under my belt, something I can you know really sync my teeth into and be apart of, it feels like I am part of a bigger cause now, like-

R: So, so you’re sure now that this is the - you’re all okay with what’s going on?

T: Yeah yeah it's just friendly competition man, it's gonna be awesome, if anything it will just be better for consumers which means its gonna be better for everyone

R: Yeah yeah that makes sense at least

T: I mean are you alright?

R: How did you bury the hatchet with Quackity though? That's what I don’t get…

T: Bury the hatchet, what do you mean by that?

R: I mean, how how did you make peace with him because the last time we spoke with him you were talking about how he had a roll in your… unfortunate uh removal of life

T: Yeah he did, but to be honest, this, it's a lot… Well no I’m not even sure it is as much Quackity’s fault as Wilburs, I don’t like- I was gonna die no matter what that day, it just happened. I mean, I I dont have much quarrel with him, he seems to uh I mean look at what he's built, he seems good

R: yeah

T: I mean I managed to also clean up all the ruckus over the cookie outpost and stuff as well so that's in the past now.

R: Wait, he's all okay with that now?

T: Yeah he promised me a good life,

R: What do you mean? Was your life not good before?

T: No- no no no no it was, he talked a lot about Lmanburg and he

R: That wasn’t really much of a good life for you though was it?

T: Oh no you- you’ve only heard the bad bits of Lmanburg, lmanburg was amazing

R: So he promised you the good bits?

T: Yeah yeah basically yeah which is awesome

R: Thats good thats good

T: Yeah so I- I figured out how to get rid of the tension regarding the cookie outpost, I signed a contract, dotted the t’s and the i’s put the past in the past I’m excited to uh keep moving forward its exciting

R: Okay… a-a awesome. So he's Okay with the cookie shop now?

T: Yeah hes 100% okay, we basically came the agreement,

R: Awesome

T: I wasn’t being myself like before when I was working on the cookie shop, I- I was

R: MHm

T: upset and sad and I - I was like I just wanted to have something to feel part of something bigger again but then I realized that instead of fighting the thing that would of given me that feeling I tried to make my own, I dug my heels in, it wasn’t really the right thing to do I-

R: mhm

T: So we signed a contract, so the cookie shop is owned by me. It just exists in las nevadas now and.. yeah, it follows its laws and regulations.

R: Okay So is, is everything everything, um everythings everythings… w- wait so how exactly sorry did you make Quackity okay with it all?

T: We went up to the needle, we just talked it out, we wrote up a contract, we talked it out, basically agreed to have the cookie shop become part of Las Nevadas. Because I mean-

R: Wait, you gave away the cookie shop??

T: I didn’t give away the cookie shop away, I still own it, its just now part of las nevadas,

R: part of las nevadas which is owned by quackity,

T: Well yeah, but not entirely

R: Y-yeah entirely,

T: no.. that's not how it works at all it it's still owned by me just exists in his territory

R: Which is property of las nevadas which is owned by quackery…….

T: Noooo it's not like that at all

R: Okay…. It seems like you just….

T: No there’s a lot more than that, it's not black and white like I just “gave it to him” I still own it I still have full control over it, it follows his laws which is fine

R: And his rules- ……..

awesome cool um that's great oh which would you look at that the bread is stale, it was nice um it was nice uh talking you to, I’m gonna go throw this bread in the river

T: Okay

R: Alright thanks for stopping on by, ill ill talk to you later alright?

T: uh okay, buh bye

R: bye

T: That was….. that was um uh I wasn’t expecting that to go uh quite like that, I didn’t think it mattered that much. wuhhh… uh that was I was not expecting to- he seemed, oh god that felt a little awkward, I I didn't, I mean it's mine to give away I built the entire place, I built all of it, that's so weird…. Okay I’m gonna come up with some burger recipes I didn't actually manage,

I probably should've done some research that would of been nice- OHFUCK

Q: oh god holy shit

T: Sorry honestly

Q: You fucking scared me

T: I didn’t notice you just then

Q: Tubbo tubbo you were supposed to be here uh work has already started your a little late

T: Oh sorry

Q: you’re a little late tubbo

T: sorry sorry, I’m sorry

Q: Remember we can’t build a kingdom here of fast-food burger- sorry sorry I got like 10 things in my mind right now uh tubbo

T: Yeah

Q: You can’t keep arriving late okay

T: Okay?

Q: We gotta make sure you- this place runs very well, listen I have an idea help me take this thing down

T: Oh, okay…

Q: You’re gonna love this tubbo, when Wilbur sees this because I know hes gonna be fucking spying around hes gonna freak out, hes gonna finally realize what an idiot- Wilbur is for whatever he decides to do

T: Why do you care so much about what Wilburs is doing?

Q: Check this out check this out

T: I’m excited for it

Q: That guy really thinks he can go in and blow up the godam restaurant, who does he think he is? Who does he godam think he is?!

T: I thought you weren’t that bothered?

Q: It’s so fucking annoying that he does this shit its annoying man. Check this out Tubbo, you ready?

T: What's this what’s this? Oh my gosh,

Q: What do you think?

T: That's awesome dude what the hell??

Q: I cant wait to see the look on- what his stupid fucking face is gonna look like- im gonna absolutely, Wilbur’s gonna see this and realize he messed with the wrong fucking person Tubbo and that I am no one you want to mess around with and his little buddy Ranboo is oh- oh sorry I don’t know if you, guys are friends-

T: Yeah yeah we are

Q: but for fucks sake they FUCKED up Tubbo

T: Did they?

Q: They fucked with the wrong person, he is going to regret what they did to me

T: What did they do?

Q: And to my fucking country

T: What did I feel kinda left out?

Q: What what?

T:What happened?

Q: I’m sorry, I'm sorry , ignore me, I'm just rambling, I'm just rambling, you know what we gotta do, besides selling burgers we gotta sell more shit, we gotta do this NFT, did you hear about these NFTs?

T: Yeah yeah, the turburgers NFTs?

Q: The tuburgers NFT system they have a system, we are gonna make a system too

T: Not just one, but TWO

Q: Yeah yeah, I need you to try this out, its Wilburs burger

T: Oh okay,

Q: It’s smelly— Tubbo, do you see this fish tank?

T: Yeah?

Q: It looks normal to you and it looks normal to them, but to them, they left a huge crater in my goddam restaurant and they could think they could fucking get away with that but this fishtanks means much more then that

T: Does it?

Q: IT means much more than that, this fishtanks is not who he thinks he is right? He used to be slick and all this powerful guy in lmanburg, he's not the same guy.

T: Do you think he's changed? Hes- old age I guess?

Q: Changedd? Haha Tubbo you think Wilburs changed? Comeon, Wilbur hasn’t changed one bit and Im excited, I’m excited once he realizes everything we are doing and everything we are up to its not gonna be the fucking same, I am going to destroy him, we’re gonna destroy him

T: woahhh

Q: WE”RE gonna destroy him in

T: friendly competition of course?

Q: yes yes of course

T: We aren’t gonna hurt them right?

Q: No no no no I’m sorry I get. Little startled

T: Financially maybe

Q: I’m sorry I’m sorry I just like completion

T: Competition is good for everyone, friendly, the only people that win here are the consumers and that's what matters. That could be our motto, “the customer is all that matters''

Q: I love it I love it, let's do that, lets do that Tubbo uh I apart from this, sorry I got a little startled I think it is important to recognise we need competition at the end of the day

T: Oh of course we can’t exist without them

Q: This is your place this is your place now its set in stone

T: That is such a cool sign

Q: You’re the manager, what's the next boss?

T: Do you want to hear my three step program? I have a three step program for this

Q: Oh sure sure!

T: Well be in the kitchen woohoo I thought of a couple of ways to make burgers quick and not sacrifice the flavor so from what I can see in their place they don’t have smokers and you still get the quality, we can smell smoked steak burgers

Q: Oh really??

T: We can sell the wagyu burgers if you know what I mean?

Q: Wait actually???

T: I think we are doing wagyu burgers,

Q: I love that I love that, Tubbo, based on what you’ve told me this means a lot to you.

T: Thank you

Q: Resources, items, what farms, what do you need, you say it's an important project, what do you need to make this thrive?

T: We need grain we need a lot of grain, we need a way to make fresh dough, our supplies are a little dire

Q: Just, just close that chest

T: This is like my first actual day

Q: We will get you the best of the best products

T: When will you get the grain farm down?

Q: Is grain different to wheat?

T: nonono its the same just we take the grain from the wheat and grind it to make the dough

Q: Tubbo, come with me… look at this!

T: WOAHHH

Q: I thought you had seen this

T: I must have completely overlooked this!

Q: Yeah!! And we also have a spot for meat. They are grass-fed tubbo. Look at this Tubbo listen, I want to emphasize that this is all you man, this is your project. The sign out there says tub burger so as far as i'm aware you are incharge of the restaurant. I know there’s also food regulations that are put down and stuff

T: Oh yeah yeah

Q: If you need any way around the constitution let me know

T: I noticed the kitchen is a little worse for wear, I noticed the kitchens a little, we are gonna have to get that cleaned up because it's probably a health violation

Q: Yeah yeah we will get that cleaned up for you

T: Yeah its really gunky its genuinely, it's really strange

Q: Ah I had a friend who lived there for a little while

T: In the kitchen……?

Q: Yeah he kinda was like yeah.. he left the place a little slimy, I’ll get it cleaned up

T: How… what?

Q: He he actually uh -

T: When was the last time he showered?

Q: You know what, you know what man? You should meet him one day

T: Does he still live there or does he have a place now?

Q: He-he's around I think, I haven't seen him in a bit but he can…. I haven't seen him in a bit of tubbo…. Besides before

T: You haven't seen him?

Q: He should come back soon

T: Well if you ever need anyone to lead a search if it gets to that point, I can do that

Q: No no no don’t worry

T: It’s not like a big deal- no?

Q: focus on your project instead of worrying about these other issues others may have…

T: Let's get started on naming the burgers shall we? Do you have any signs or. anything?

Q: Well for original or classic tubbo? The tubburger right?

T: Oh defiantly, we should number them so it's easier to order them and on this side we do like… gold, I’ve seen your city

Q: Ohhh so you’re thinking more than fast food

T: No i'm thinking we can account of the masses like the people who want that find dining and the people who want the quick bite

Q: That's genius

T: Do you want to know the second step in my three step program?

Q: Yes, yes tubbo of course

T: We need a drive through on this place, we need drive through wagyu beef

(Goes to break a wall down)

T: Wait- uh people live there

Q: uh I try to act impulsively its-

T: No no it's okay

Q: I really really

T: It makes sense

Q: I think it would be really badass

T: Yeah yeah, do you think we could get like a road going through here for the drive through, do you think that could work?

Q: Oh yeah yeah

T: They got a burger van, they are on the roads, we are in the roads if you know what I mean

Q: 100% tubbo, 100%, Tubbo you’re coming up with all of these great ideas I- I couldn’t of chose a better person to run this place then you tubbo

T: Aw thank you man

Q: I think that's one of your more underrated features

T: I’m gonna be honest I’m just enjoying a place to feel like I’m doing stuff again

Q: I don’t know if anyone has told you this Tubbo but one of your most underrated features is your creativity and drive to do good things, I dont think I’ve ever seen you tubbo and thought on this is a bad person

T: Oh… oh the fish may have just offered itself….

( A couple of beats of silence, then quackity goes and eats the dead salmon

Q: One of the most underrated features Tubbo and I don’t think anyone has told you this

T: Yeah?

Q: That your drive to do good things

T: AW

Q: I dont think I’ve ever seen you and thought oh this is a bad person, I think you are inherently good

T: Aw thank you so much mate

Q: Yes tubbo build up the menu

T: I will I will get on it

Q: I’ll make sure everything works well, the wheat farms…

T: Oh what the hell have you seen this book? “YO SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOUR DOOR YOU SHOULD PROBABLY CHECK THAT OUT I THINK YOU GOT THEM HALF OFF AND I DON'T MEAN PRICE WISE” Sorry I mean

Q: That- Wilbur, fucker that guy… that guy thinks hes so fucking funny “Yeah big q don’t you think there’s something wrong with your doors you should probablyy check that out I think” shut the fuck up, fuck you fuck you how the hell do I get rid this this I will spit on it and throw it in the fucking garbage can

T: Woahh woahh

Q: What the hell is wrong with that guy

T: Who wrote that, how do you know who wrote that?

Q: WHO DO YOU THINK “WROTE IT”

T: What Wilbur?

Q: Of course it was fucking Wilbur wanna know what he did to this place he fucking came and blew ahhh oh my god

T: Yeah I heard about the explosion, I never got to see it though,

Q: It doesn't matter it doesn't matter, you know what Tubbo, don’t ever even like bring it up in front of him don’t talk about it it never happened

T: Okay so we,- we just are better than that. We just

Q: We’re better than that, bigger and better and everything good

T: We don’t need to resort to staboutouge

Q: 100% 100% I - ahh whatever man, listen tubbo, I’m gonna go back to my office and count how much money I have and then I’m gonna come down here for a quick lunch break and then, I’m gonna tell everyone to start helping with your wheat farm, your grain farm, your bread farm

T: uh huh

Q: And we’re gonna up the production with cow meat

T: And I’m gonna get more recipes down thank you so much, thank you so much im gonna get on and start working on that

Q: This is all you tubbo, this is all you

(Sam logs on, maybe to ellude quackity is going to torture dream in the vault who knows)

T: This is unbelievable , I can’t thank you enough honestly

Q: I can’t thank you enough tubbo, I’ll go back to my office and get some work done, and how much money we have

T: I’ll get to the kitchen. Goodbye mate cya later!

Q: Not gonna lie tubbo, that fish was some bad shit

T: hah ahha, ohhh

Q: my stomach I really have to go I really have to go

T: Oh god i'm so sorry I’ll get the fish water treated, bye mate

Q: Yeah… yeah- bye mate!

T: Yeah okay, time to get off and work. I'm gonna start working on some new recipes, let's be excited, it feels so good to have this new job finally.

#dsmp transcript #transcript #tubbo #quackity #c!tubbo #c!quackity #las nevadas #tubburger #wilburgur #ranboo #c!ranboo

[notmanagingmymischief]

yes this took way longer than 2 hours and yes it takes up a 10-page google doc and no im not ashamed <3

—

also this is my universe now and ransom riggs can go suck it because in my head Abe never leaves for war because we do not need jacob entering the world. Ever.

Tbh idk where or why the fandom started hating jacob but im here for it (granted i havent seen the movie in ages and didn’t finish the book series lol)

When you'd realized that you could play your downloaded music offline

Hello spotify premium ad (im kidding, i love this opening line <3)

But starting December 1st, the only music you had played was Christmas music.

I start the week of halloween hehe

But it also made her smile, especially when you had your door cracked open and she could see you dancing around your room, singing the lyrics loudly, the younger children joining you occasionally, singing and dancing along with you.

AAAAWWWWWWWW ALMAAAAAAA

And amongst the four of them, they hatched a plan.

Uh oh ;)

Saw how you acted around each other, each interaction strangely tense and, sometimes, bordering on flirtatious, and Emma was nothing if not a hopeless romantic, one who in turn got most of the others just as invested in your relationships.

Lmao emma you poor sweet soul. I love you

You found some old fashioned string lights, which you hung around the edges of the sitting room, as well as some areas outside--that was a challenge, seeing as there was no electrical source outside the house, meaning you also had to find a way to sneakily retrieve an extension cord that you spent at least an hour, possibly more, getting put in place so that it was out of sight (and out of mind).

Pfffftttt lmaoo

Once the job was finished, it earned you a kiss on the cheek from Alma, which honestly kept you going for the rest of the week without a drop of caffeine; quite impressive.

Literally me when I get a hug from my favorite person whom I will never ever get together with and yet I love perhaps too much

No but in all seriousness this is so cute wtf

Also alma giving free cheek kisses????? I will gladly volunteer myself <3333

A decent amount of the ornaments had ended up near the bottom of the tree since most of the kids could only reach so high, though they did have some help from you and Alma, lifting them up when they really wanted to place theirs higher up.

Good thing they don’t have a dog bc that would really mess with those lower placed ornaments

OKAY BUT ALMA LIFTING UP THE KIDS IS SUCH AN ADORABLE IMAGE WTF

Watching the ymbryne interacting so actively with her charges was endearing, and left a fond smile resting on your face even hours after everyone was finished.

Screaming, crying (perfect storms)

Sorry i was listening to taylor swift yesterday

BUT ANYWAY– THIS IS SO CUTE

At some point, Alma got confused as you worked on one of the special ones, a batch of peanut butter blossoms.

Not gonna lie, i did need to look up what those kind of cookies are but thats fiiiiiinnneee

She hadn't seen these kind, and had ended up positioning herself behind you to watch you work over your shoulder, hips pressed snug against you and hands absently resting on your waist. Your breath got caught in your throat, but you did your best to pretend that the closeness wasn't affecting you even as your cheeks burned hotly. Still your hands worked steadily, years of practice making it easy to work on autopilot. "What are you making?" Alma whispered in your ear, and you cleared your throat before replying "They're called peanut butter blossoms. They were my dad's favorite so I've made them a lot," you recalled, "I think that--that the children will like them." Alma hummed, resting her chin on your shoulder for a moment longer before finally stepping away and returning to her own tray, checking the oven absently.

oKAY WHAT THE FUCK

THIS IS SO CUTE

DOES ALMA KNOW WHAT SHE’S DOING BECAUSE IF SHE DOES ITS VERY SMOOTH

No but actually i love this paragraph so much, it just melts my heart

The casual intimacy of this moment is described so perfectly; i love it.

It was an action that made Alma quite happy, always enjoying you interacting with her children so easily, doing things for them that you really didn't have to do, simply because you wanted to.

<333333333333<333<3333333

I love this so much omg

You caught her eye once, in the window, and grinned towards her, casually tossing a snowball at the window that made the ravenette step back automatically. When she returned she was scowling, but you could tell it was playful and winked back before bringing your attention to Hugh, who was pulling at your arm to help him build a snowman, aptly named Frosty.

DUDE THIS IS SO CUTE WTF I LOVE IT SO MUCH

Also because it’s totally something i’d do

It was every part the classic Christmas card image, like coming home to a warm house, wife and children waiting eagerly to celebrate Christmas Eve. The correlation you automatically made between the idea of a wife and Alma made your pace stutter, along with your breath, but before anyone could notice you schooled your features.

OOOOOOOOoooOOOOooOooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooOOOOO

Her eyes moved up and caught on a few spots of snow in your hair. Casual as can be, she reached out and raked her fingers through it, effectively melting the delicate flakes, along with your heart, and you ducked your head, flustered as you thanked her quietly.

aaAAAAAAAaaaaaAAAaAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaAAAAAAaaaAAAaaaaaaAAAA

MY HEART IS DYING

THIS IS SO ADORABLE

AGAIN WITH THE CASUAL INTIMACY WTF

They received it of course, until finally Alma stated that it was time to eat. You felt bad that you'd forgotten to come in and help her, but she assured you that it was fine and you playing with the children--therefore keeping them out of the kitchen, and the house peacefully silent--was enough help.

Look at them working together without even realizing it <3

You muttered a compliment to Alma about her cooking, delicious as always, and the ravenette smiled back playfully, teasingly stating "Did you expect any different, darling?" You went along with the jeer, and just as smoothly replied "Of course not, dear." Paired with a wink it left Alma a bit speechless; you weren't often one for endearments, so the sudden use of one was a welcome surprise. Still the woman cleared her throat and refocused on the rest of the kids and her own meal, refusing to give you the satisfaction of seeing her flustered. You chuckled at her stubbornness but made no comment on it.

PFFFT THIS IS SO CUTE WTFFF

I LOVE IT AND YOU <3333

ALSO THE PET NAMES IM DYING

All of them besides the older children fell for it, of course, but even they kept the spirit up and pretended to believe your words.

Tbh im continually surprised that these teenagers are actually nice people. They don’t complain all the time or ruin things like santa for the littler (idk if thats a word but whatever) kids. It’s actually so refreshing to see and I love the way that you portray that <3

Alma lingered in the doorway as her children walked past, some giving her hugs and others passing with no more than a smile and nod.

LOOK AT EVERYONE RESPECTING EVERYONE ELSE’S BOUNDARIES I LOVE TO SEE IT

Finally you found one, tapping on it and turning up the volume as "I'll Be Home for Christmas" began playing.

I totally listened to this song while reading this part of the fic hehe

You smiled mischievously and held out your hand, dropping the phone onto a table. "May I?" Alma looked between you and the proffered hand skeptically, asking "Do you even know how to dance?"

ALMA

LMAO

You scoffed playfully, mocking offense as you exclaimed "Do I know how to--Alma! What do you take me as? Uncultured?" "Yes, actually." The casual comeback, slipping from her lips alongside a blank expression, made you laugh loudly.

THIS IS SO FUNNY OMG I LOVE IT SO MUCH

Your grin had dimmed into a fond smile and you automatically placed your other hand on Alma's waist, earning you a strange look; perhaps she's used to leading.

Of course she’s used to leading. That's a very alma thing to do

You watched carefully as Alma's expression relaxed and she muttered "I will admit, you do have...some skill."

Normally you'd return it with your own teasing jab but tonight you just hummed and murmur "Told you so." Alma rolled her eyes but also smiled, and you knew that she was enjoying herself as her hand tightened just slightly in yours.

AAAAWWWWW THEY’RE SO CUTEEEEEE

Also lmao alma

A few minutes passed, and Abe finally prepared to leave you two be, giving you some much needed privacy, just barely hearing you mutter "I believe we're being watched," and Alma replying "Oh yes. You just now noticed?"

Lmaooooooooo

I love this little scene

As soon as the room fell silent again, you bid your goodnight to Alma, snuck in a quick kiss to her cheek, and slipped out of the room and up to yours, ignoring the little "hey!" the ymbryne let out.

AWWWWWW <3

Together, they talked quietly and finished planning their...well, plan, and promised to put it into motion at the first sign of Alma's wake the next morning.

Hehehe

I love these kids so much

The next morning, you were awoken by a beam of warm sun in your eyes, having forgotten to close your curtains the previous night. You yawned and stretched your arms above your head, reluctantly getting out of bed after a few more minutes of rest.

Imagine being able to sleep in on christmas morning

Couldn’t be me

I woke up at 4am on christmas this year and didn’t go back to bed until 12 that night

"Wait! Not yet!" You gave her a skeptical look, already suspicious. "There's a surprise for you and it's not ready yet," the small brunette claimed, and you took a deep breath, hesitant to believe her but, not wanting to ruin the 'surprise', nodded and agreed to wait until she gave you permission.

EVEN THE LITTLES ARE IN ON IT TOO

Instead of kids sitting by the tree, you instead found Alma by the tree. Not sitting, rather kneeling. She was wearing her usual outfit, but as she raised her head, having heard your surprised gasp at seeing her, you noticed a ruby red bow tied loosely and delicately around her neck, the same color as your lipstick.

OH

MY

BIRD

HOW ON EARTH DID THEY GET ALMA TO DO THAT?????????

Nearly speechless, you did manage to choke out a slightly cracked version of her name, earning you a nervous smile. When she didn't move or stand up, you hesitantly walked closer, watching her unusually timid behavior carefully. The woman's head bowed slightly again, gaze not meeting yours even when you stood directly in front of her. Taking a chance, you carefully hooked your fingers under Alma's chin to tilt her head back up, forcing her eyes up as well. They connected with yours and you could see the anxiety swimming just beneath the surface as you stared down at her in confusion. "How in the world did you let yourself be talked into this, Alma?" You asked, a smile finally playing on your lips. It slightly relaxed the woman, and gave her enough courage to reply "Honestly, I'm not quite sure. I suppose I have a weakness for seven children collectively begging me to."

HONESTLY I DONT HAVE ANY WORDS

THIS IS JUST PERFECT IN SO MANY WAYS AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH

"You look like a present, all wrapped up so prettily. Or are you a puppy with your pretty red bow?" You teased her, voice dropping to a purr and effectively bringing a flush to Alma's neck that crept slowly up to her face. You leaned down a bit closer and murmured "The question is, who gets to unwrap you?" with a smirk, eyes dropping to Alma's lips for a moment, parted with surprise.

aaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

"Well that all depends on who wants me, doesn't it?"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

ALMA!!!

So you breathed "I may have an idea of who that could be," unconsciously licking your lips, which inevitably caught Alma's gaze, cobalt eyes focused on scarlet.

AGAIN

NO WORDS

DONT MIND ME SCREAMING INTO A PILLOW BECAUSE OMG THIS IS GLORIOUS

They stayed there for quite some time, the ymbryne not quite able to respond until she finally managed to choke "Who do you have in mind?" Your smirk twitched up a bit further, and Alma just had time to look back to your eyes before you had replied "Me," and finally brought your lips to hers. The suddenness took Alma's breath away and she instinctually leaned up on her heels, trying to get closer to you with you still firmly keeping her head in place by her jaw. The kiss was tender but left both of you breathless as well as speechless; though you weren't planning on talking with your lips still very much preoccupied. Neither of you were willing to break the kiss, even as the angle began to get slightly uncomfortable, and your free hand absently fiddled with the bow at Alma's neck, running your thumb across the silky material and up to the woman's jaw, where you traced the length of the bone. Finally though, you did have to breathe, so you pulled back a few inches, letting go of Alma's chin but still running your thumb against her jaw affectionately. The look in her eyes was overflowing with fondness, and she went to say something.

jsbdjhcbsdKJBDVHSBDCKSNDOCIBSWCJHADHVBCJAEORFVBOHADVCJHVASDCBAJCD JHVADWCVALWDCJLVHBADUFYVOIWEKJF VJDFVUASBDPVJSDLJC AHSDBCPIAJVJHASDVHCBwj flhqoyefapejfvKJIFBVPIFDIPVUAPEIRBVPAIHDFBVOAEBFVPHAEROF

DHBDCBHDCHBcjhbshDBCBSDC

DYING

DEAD

IM DEAD

ITS FINE

aAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

THIS IS SO FUCKING ADORABLE AND FOR WHAT?? JUST TO MAKE ME SCREAM?? PROBABLY AND YOU KNOW WHAT?? IM OKAY WITH THAT

DUDE YOUR WRITING SKILLS ARE JUST BEYOND

THEY’RE SIMPLY UNPARALLELED

I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS <3333

But before she could, the shouts of excited children entered the room, followed by grinning teenagers, and you knew exactly who had put Alma in this position. You almost wanted to reprimand them for making her uncomfortable, but you also knew that without this little push you most likely wouldn't have ended up where you are now.

<333333333333333333

The blonde nodded, clearly not ashamed in the least, and the others also piped in with admittances of guilt.

I love those kids so much

After a moment of silence, you gave them an expectant look and gestured behind you to the other, non-human presents, and instantly the kids were in motion, crowding around your legs and falling to the floor looking for their respective gifts.

“Non-human presents” LMAO

As soon as the headmistress had disappeared, Emma approached you with a small smile. "Took you long enough," she said, and you rolled your eyes. "How did you even come up with this?" you asked instead of scolding her, and the blonde replied "Well, we heard you listening to that one song on repeat and decided we'd, you know," she laughs quietly, "Take a hint from it." You knew what song she was speaking of almost immediately and stated "You're all I need underneath the tree," dumbfounded at their cleverness.

SMART KIDDOS <3333

"You know, I've got a present for you too," you mumbled, resting your chin on her shoulder.

I love the image of someones chin resting on the other persons shoulder, its just so impossibly sweet <33

The ravenette hummed in interest, continuing to work but responding with "And what might that be, darling?" You laughed airily and exclaimed "Well I can't tell you! Then it wouldn't be a gift!"

Cuties omg

"Are you planning on taking that off? Or do I get the honor of opening this present?" You breathed, slipping behind her and wrapping your arms around her waist. Warm breath fluttered against Alma's skin and sent shivers down her spine, the double meaning not lost on her in the slightest. As you placed gentle kisses against her neck, the woman shakily replied "Who gave you the idea that you get to do such a thing?" Her voice wavered as she spoke and you waited patiently as she continued; "Haven't you heard of 'you can look, but you can't touch'?"

ABSCABDIUBADCNAKSC

O-OKAY ALMA

Though Alma's heart was nearly beating out of her ribcage she still managed a playful smile, one which would no doubt be wiped from her face soon enough, and replied "But you look so wonderful when you're frustrated."

OOOOOOOOOO

well practiced and honestly putting her own skill to shame--in the best way of course–

LMAO ALMA <3

I love her so much omg

playing on loop in her mind and occasionally spilling from her lips as you lavished her neck with attention, finally pulling the bow's tails and undoing the knot, letting it hang across her shoulders. It's ruby red a sharp contrast to her navy jacket, you absently registered that's what had been in Horace's dream last night. Still you didn't think about it too much as Alma pulled you back to her lips before she could let a too-loud noise pass them, the borderline moan instead felt against your lips.

1) OMG

2) the ribbon!!!!

3) OMG

4) I LOVE THIS SCENE AAAAA

You spoke her own name against pale, burning skin, orisons of worship to the woman you love. And when you finally had to stop, when you at last removed your lips from Alma's, still you repeated benedictions like it was your last day alive, like Alma was the only one who could save you.

Ive said it probably 1,000 times and i will say it 100000 more times but HOLY SHIT YOUR WRITING IS SO DAMN GOOD

The way that you string words together and mould them so that they form these delicate, beautiful, delicious sentences is simply extraordinary. You have so much skill, and it really shows. You clearly know and care about your characters and when you suddenly get sentences like these– ugh. It’s just gorgeous. <333

The woman whined when you removed your lips from hers and tried to lean forward and catch them again, somehow completely abandoning her natural tendency to keep a tight schedule.

Cutie pie <3

No but seriously alma is so adorable

You weren't very good at it though, not nearly as good as Alma, but luckily she got the hint quick enough and shook herself out of her daze, clearing her throat and snatching her time piece from your hand, checking it herself.

Look at them working together again omg

This ending paragraph is adorable, seriously

It only took a glimpse of the hands to have her stating "We have seven minutes and thirteen seconds to finish breakfast." You nodded, and let her up with no more than a quick peck to her cheek, still warm to the touch. It took Alma a moment longer to fully collect herself, but after taking a deep breath, closing her eyes tightly, she snapped into action, back to her usual self (mostly). And as she worked, stealing the occasional kiss here and there, the ymbryne couldn't think of a better way to start Christmas.

ASCANSOCIABSCHJLSDHVCLS D I LOVE THEMMMMMMMM

THIS IS SUCH A GOOD ENDING TO A BEAUTIFUL STORY

I LOVE IT SO MUCH <33333333

OKAY SO OVERALL: one of the best christmas fanfics ive ever read (but honestly who’s surprised bc its you who wrote it)! Alma and y/n are just so adorable together. I love how they work as a team, even sometimes without realizing it, and are able to be so casually intimate with each other. That is something that takes time and trust to build up to, i think, especially for alma. I feel like a lot of the time we see her as a strict, kinda frigid (idk if that is the correct word for what i'm trying to describe but imma use it anyway cuz im too lazy to think of another one lol) and closed off woman, who clearly cares for her children but has a wall built up for some reason. (I may be completely wrong but whatever.) but the way that you describe her and y/n’s relationship is calm, quiet, teasing and intimate in a way that makes them seem like they’ve been married for 50-some years, while also keeping that spark that they have bright and new. y/n is able to crack open alma’s shell and get her out of her own head. Basically what i’m trying to say is that the way you write these two characters is AMAZING and I love you so much<333 keep writing because the world deserves to hear what you have to say

Help your reviews continue to leave me breathless 😭😭

Legit squealed in excitement when I realized you'd sent this tyhgrfdcs

BUT thank you my love!!!! ughhh never stop doing what you do 🥺💖💖💖

I do care about my writing and characterizations, the biggest reason as to why I don't post often is because, even if I've finished the story, I'll go back and read and reread every action and piece of dialogue from characters just to make sure it's perfect. Very time-consuming, but completely worth it if it continues to earn me such wonderful feedback like yours 🥺💖

#ask #petit etoile <3 #fic review

[hqxreader]

I hardly see anything on tumblr with Tanaka my poor baby! Could you write a HC on how Tanaka, Noya, and Bokuto act when other guys try to hit on you during a tournament and how they act when they’re jealous? Thank you so much and keep up the good work 🥰 - @tomboyneedshercoffee

Hi hon!! Tumblr decided to be a dick and delete your ask. Luckily I work on Google Docs and I copied your ask on there and badabing badaboom. I had it saved as a draft here too and was also editing it here too and im gonna just grrrr. Anyway, this request was a blast, I got a bit crazy with Noya’s whoopsss. Anywho I hope I tagged the correct person and you enjoy!! 💕

-

Tanaka Ryunosuke

Oooh buddy

The team is warming up for their first match of the tournament and they’re starting spiking drills.

Tanaka’s about to go next, and he looks up to the stands for you, and what does he find? Some fan from the opposing team talking and hitting on you! 

He was way too close, he had never heard of a personal bubble apparently. 

It was now Tanaka’s turn to spike, he called your name out real quick to grab your attention, 

“y/n! Look at this!” BAM! POW! WHACK! Whatever sound effect you wanna use for the ball hitting the other side of the court really, really hard and flying somewhere unknown. 

The team and you pretty much stared at Tanaka, mouths gaping open in shock of what just happened. 

Tanaka had a scary grin on his face, and he turned to face you in the stands, “How did you like that y/n.. And friend?” 

Random dude is now about to piss his pants, “I think I’ll just let you be, bye now!”

You just shook your head as the boy ran off like a scaredy cat with his tail between his legs. You put your hands on your hips and looked down towards Tanaka, 

“Great job babe! Now do that during the game!!” 

So overall a jealous Tanaka makes an angry/showoff Tanaka. He’s not gonna lose to some random man that doesn’t know when his s/o is taken. 

He’s pretty much like “You see this? This is mine.” not in like a rude way but in a good way like in the one will smith meme way. (haha 11pm taylor is writing this clearly)

Nishinoya Yuu 

Oooh buddy take 2

After the game, you’re waiting for Karasuno in the main corridor, leaning against the wall, just minding your own business.

Then all the sudden this Random Dude your age walks right up to you, smirk on his face, playboy aura coming off of him (lets just imagine Oikawa but it’s not Oikawa cool?)  

‘Oh dear’ was the first thing that you thought, and then ‘Where’s Yuu?’

“Hey there, what’s a beautiful girl like ya doing here all alone?” Oh dear. 

You just smiled politely at him, “Waiting for my boyfriend, he played today and he won, so we’re going to go out tonight for a little celebratory dinner.” 

He simply put one hand on the wall next to you and his other hand started messing with your hair, “Well I think ya should just ditch the boyfriend and-”

“EH??!!” Whelp. There’s the team. 

You pushed the Random Dude away and walked up to Noya, standing proud next to him. 

“This is my boyfriend Nishinoya. Noya, this is uh.. Random Dude.” “The names’ Atsumu.” BAHAHAHA IM SORRY

“Well let me tell you Atsumu! Y/n isn’t going anywhere with you, she’s my girlfriend!” “Ha! Okay Short Stack.” 

Noya’s now pissed, stomping towards Atsumu with a scowl on his face and pushing his jacket sleeves up his arms. 

Atsumu was just smirking at this, what was Noya gonna do to him? But then Atsumu saw Jesus Asahi right behind Noya, a deep frown on his face, saying ‘don’t you dare touch him.’ 

Once Atsumu saw Asahi, he quickly said “Ya know what? Let’s call it truths, I’m sorry for offending you and yer girlfriend. See ya!” And he sped off (osamu was watching from a bit aways and was shaking his head at his idiot brother)

Noya’s demeanor changed immediately once Atsumu ran off, grin on his face, “Did you see that babe? He ran off like a wimp!” 

You just laughed and shook your head, knowing why exactly Atsumu ran off. You walked up to Noya and wrapped your arms around him and gave him a hug, “Amazing job, Yuu.”

Overall Noya is a lot like Tanaka, he gets protective and is like ‘who the hell do you think you are?!’ He’s gonna fight for you.

Bokuto Koutarou

Fukurodani now has a third manager (jeesh) you! You’re a second year, so you’re not doing the hard core work that the third years have to do. Your main job is to refill the water bottles when needed. (idk only thing i could think of) 

So you’re out in the hallway doing your job like a good little manager filling up water bottles pregame, just minding your own business (again), when you get the feeling that there’s someone behind you. 

You look behind you and leaning against the wall is some Random Dude™ hiding in the shadows. 

“Umm.. hello?” You call out cautiously, turning completely towards the stranger (stranger danger kids!!) 

Random Dude™ pushed off the wall and out of the shadows and walked up to you, waving with a smile on his face.

“Hi there! Oikawa Tooru, who do I have the pleasure of meeting?” 

You felt your face warm up and you kept looking around the hallway, planning an escape route. “It’s L/n Y/n” “It’s very nice to meet you L/n, how can I…” 

Now as this is all going down, the third year managers sent Akaashi and Bokuto to go find you because it was taking you too long just to fill some water bottles. 

As the two are walking up to you and Oikawa chatting, Akaashi can slowly see Bokuto start to have a mood swing. 

“Does my crush on L/n not matter Akaashi?” “If anything I think she needs a hero Bokuto-san, she doesn’t seem very comfortable with Oikawa-san.” “Akaaaashi, you’re right!” 

Plan ‘I wanna be your Hero’ is now in motion.

Bokuto walked up to Oikawa and you, looking buff as always, and he stopped next to you, wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you close. 

“Hey Hey Hey! Oikawa, what are you doing all the way here in Tokyo?” “Bokuto, loud as always. I’m here to watch volleyball of course! And I just happened to run into the lovely L/n here.” 

Bokuto could only hope you’d go along with his plan, “Oh yeah, y/n is the best girlfriend you could ask for!”

Your eyes widened, when did that happen?? That’s okay, let’s just play along. “Yup! You can never find anyone better than Koutarou.” You reached up and pecked his cheek. 

You could hear a little ‘hoot’ and see his cheeks turn red. 

Oikawa now stood with his hands on his hips, giving you two a ‘what are you up to’ look. 

“Okay, well I’m glad you two are happy in love! It was nice meeting you L/n, see you at the next meeting Bokuto.” Oikawa waved his hand and walked away. 

Once he was far enough away, Bokuto and you pulled apart and you began asking him a million questions, “Bokuto what was that? How do you know him? Why did you do that? What does this mean? Are we actually-” 

Bokuto started stressing from all the questions and he put his hand over your mouth to quiet you.

“I didn’t like seeing you with Oikawa, and I have a crush on you, will you go out with me?” all rushed out at once. 

Once you comprehended what he said, you smiled under his hand and nodded. 

“Really!? You will?!” You nodded again more enthusiastically. “That’s Great!” He wrapped his arms around you and picked you up, giving you a giant hug. 

He put you down and turned towards Akaashi, “Akaaaaashi!!! Did you see? Did you see?? She said yes!” 

At this point Akaashi is now waiting with the other managers as Plan ‘I wanna be your Hero’ ends up even better than expected.

Jealous Bokuto starts out with a moment of mood swing Bokuto. What are you doing with some other dude flirting with you? Did something happen between you two? 

But then he’ll recognize your body language, you don’t feel comfortable with this guy. Bokuto shakes out of his mood swing and goes in to save you, showing how you’re his girlfriend, not anyone else's.   

- 

I hope you enjoyed!!

#tanaka ryuunosuke #tanaka ryuunosuke x reader #tanaka #tanaka x reader #nishinoya yuu #nishinoya yuu x reader #nishinoya #nishinoya x reader #bokuto koutarou #bokuto koutarou x reader #bokuto #bokuto x reader #haikyuu!! #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyuu!! headcanons #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu #haikyuu headcanons #hq!! #hq!! x reader #hq!! headcanons #hq #hq x reader #hq headcanons #tanaka fluff #noya fluff #bokuto fluff #haikyuu fluff #hq fluff #taylor attempts to write

[jpegjade]

Mr. Loverman (Pt. 3)

Alright frens and ferns. we’re gonna go through this shorter chapter. Still like 3 google docs pages but my fics are normally like 4-6 pages. (if you can’t tell, i’m a one-shot writer AND HAVENT WRITTEN A STORY FIC SINCE I WAS LIKE 14. shoutout to the wattpad days.) so this one is shorter bc i need to work but i wanted to put this out. part 4 will be much longer. idk how long im gonna end up making this fic in the end. ((yall gotta keep me encouraged to focus on this thing bc my adhd will in fact leave you all hanging on a cliff hanger and we wont look back lmao)))

i apologize for the shortness. i also apologize for adding the person i hate with a BURNING passion. yall just dont know. anyway, i’m so sorry. and for those who haven’t gotten to 11/12, there are no spoilers. this is like independent of that storyline and kinda after but i’ll explain a little in the next chapter. but i wanted to keep this true to the cm universe. also i didn’t want to create a wholeass character with a tragic backstory to explain why they’re a psychopath when in reality they just suck. that takes too damn long

warnings: none that i can think of. ((i dont even think i swore once. im so fucking proud. oops)) and no, i didnt proof read. so roll with any mistakes.

mr. loverman 1: Bloop

mr. loverman 2: bloop bloop 

____________________ 

“Y/n, have you seen anything or anyone suspicious lately? Anyone you recognized from one place appearing in other spaces?” Prentiss said. 

Everyone was staring at you. You felt the pressure on you to say the right thing but you didn’t know. You didn’t know what to say so you tried honesty. 

“No, not that I’ve noticed. Sorry if that makes things harder.” You sighed. 

You felt like you were letting everyone down because you didn’t notice anyone. Everything in your life was mundane and nothing stood out. You were super aware of your surroundings but you still felt like it wasn’t enough. You spent more time than ever in your apartment, which was hell but necessary with everything going on.

“Here’s the problem.” Emily started. “We have received intel that you’re on a bounty hunter’s hit list. Not only that but they have been watching you for some time now.” 

You were speechless. Who would pay to have you killed? Who did you piss off enough to pay money to have you killed? And what did this bounty hunter look like? This made you incredibly nervous and despite being away for two years, your body just reacted. 

Spencer told himself not to freak out. This didn’t mean anything. You were holding his hand tightly. It was what you used to do every time you got scared. Spencer squeezed your hand a little bit to let you know he was there and then he felt you squeeze back. You didn’t let go of his hand through the rest of the conversation but Spencer was barely paying attention. Garcia eventually ushered the two of you out of the room and back to your temporary bedroom. 

The silence between you and Spencer was incredibly loud. You let go of his hand as soon as you got to the breakroom, apologizing. 

“I shouldn’t have done that.” You said. You figured that he would know what you were talking about. You sat in your corner of the mattress where you previously sat and Spencer sat in the space he occupied before the meeting. 

“No, you were scared. It’s okay.” He said. 

Silence that seemed to last forever happened. You were thinking about him and he was thinking about you. You were both so nervous about what came next but you didn’t know what to say. It took forever to come up with something but Spencer came up with something. 

“I wasn’t lying.” Spencer looked down at his shoes. 

“About?” You said, confused. You leaned your head against the wall. You were getting so tired. 

“Missing you. You have been all that I’ve thought about through these past two years.” He said, finally looking up at you. 

“Spence…” You said, yawning. You closed your eyes for a moment. 

“I haven’t connected to anyone else as naturally as I connected with you.” He said. 

“Well, I guess I can’t say anything different since I haven’t been able to move on.” You said, sleepily. It had been a long day and you were beyond exhausted. When you’re that tired, anything you say is bound to be unfiltered. 

“You were the only one who cared for me, all of me, and didn’t mind everything that came with me. No one gets that. No one cares about me like you do, even now. I couldn’t bear to take the ring off because it would mean losing a piece of you. And I couldn’t do that. I may have broken off the relationship but that doesn’t mean I stopped loving you. To this day, I…” You barely said before you fell asleep. 

Spencer thought about waking you but you looked so peaceful. He hated when he was left on a cliffhanger, especially like this, but you needed rest. So Spencer gently helped you lay down and covered you with your blanket. He was about to walk outside the door to guard and take a breather but you grabbed his arm and mumbled a very small, “Stay.” 

And that’s what he did. He stayed, holding you while you slept peacefully. He was so comfortable that he eventually nodded off. That was the first time in two years that he didn’t have a nightmare that scared him awake. 

When he woke up, you were nowhere to be found. Frantically searching, he ran all over the floor before noticing it was sunrise. You loved watching the sun rise in the mornings with a cup of coffee and a nice playlist going. 

“Hey, Spence.” You said, looking out the window. You looked rested, not tired like yesterday. 

“Y/n, you scared me. I thought something happened.” He said, looking at you. How did you make a sundress look so pretty? 

“Sorry. I thought about waking you but you were smiling in your sleep, the small, happy smile you do, and I wanted you to sleep. Besides, I had Cat to keep me company.” 

Spencer’s blood ran cold. That wasn’t possible. He was jumping to conclusions and you were sure it was just an intern or someone who…

“Hey Spencie. I’m having a grand time with y/n here. She’s a ball of sunshine.” Cat said, a fake smile fading into a straight face. 

Spencer immediately grabbed for his gun but didn’t find it anywhere on his hip. 

“Looking for this?” Cat took the gun out of her bag and pointed it directly at Spencer. 

Your head could barely comprehend what was happening. You were instructed to put your hands up and walk into the conference room, sitting across from each other. 

“And no touching. That’s no fun.” Cat pointed the gun at Spencer. You noticed that she was fixated on Spencer. You guessed that they somehow knew each other.

You were already in tears. What was happening? Could you make it out of this one alive? 

_____________________

Tag list: 

@dr-reid-ismyspiritanimal

@andiebeaword

@justanothetfangirl

@fanfictionreader05 

@addie5264

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer x reader #spencer reid imagine #cm #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds

[isolemnlyswearpevensie]

Lovers By Chance, Goth By Choice | Snape x OC

{parody fic, based on my immortal :p another thing I found deep in my google drive. thought it deserved to see the light of day. one of my best friends requested this while intoxicated and I just had to write it. don’t take it too seriously lol} 

Warnings: Smexy Themes uwu

Time/Era: Lightning era :)

Word Count: 1.1k shes long ^.^ like snapes dick

Summary: After Arvil Willow Way Urie gets put into detention by Professor Snape, things happen and no one sees it happen </3

Request: Please write a fic where snape kisses me in front Of everyone and doesn’t care who sees. I have like three names and i am GOTH. 

A/N: Rawr i <3 prof snape SM! Thx for the request </3 enjoy babey!!!!! WEEEEEEEE

masterlist

Hi. My name is Avril Willow Way Urie and I am goth, incase you couldn’t tell. I LOVE panic! at the disco, Brendon Urie is basically my husband. I’ not related to him no matter how similar our names are but I really wish we were because hes the sexiest man I have ever seen in my life. Anyway, I have short black hair that is cut uneven because it is CURLY and it doesn’t matter. The uneven cut represents my chaotic emotions. You wouldn’t understand them. I am gothic, and NOT a prep. If you call me a prep I will get very angry and flip you off everytime I see you. I love fishnets, like I am wearing today. Today I am wearing a ripped mayday parade shirt with a skirt that has planets all over them. I wear planets because i like space and i am SMART!!!!!!!!1 I have my big platform boots with ripped red fishnets under them. My eyeliner is smudged all over my eyes from crying. I am EMOTIONAL that is why i am emo. My nails are long and sharp just like draco likes. Did I mention I’m dating draco malfoy? Aka the HOTTEST PERSON ALIVE besides brendon urie. (A/N: If you don’t like panic! You are a PREPZ and I dont lik u)

“Miss. Way-Urie I will not have someone talk to me like this. Detention tonight at 8!” Professor Snape screams at the top of his lungs. 

“Omg wtf??? I’m just talking to my super sexy boyfriend Draco! What are you? Jealous?” I smirk, tucking a jagged piece of hair behind my pierced ears. I have 8 piercings in each ear and my tongue also has a stud in it. 

“HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE THIS!” Prof snape started crying making his black liquid eyeliner drip down his depressed face. Maybe he was emo like me. Prof are NOT emo tho so idk. My face grew sad and I started crying. This made draco angry. 

Draco was wearing a bleach tie died (A/N: get it? Died because im goffick) MCR shirt and acid washed jeans that were half black and half neon pink. Boyz can wear pink, you kno. It’s ok he’s just very in-touch with his emotions. His hair was pulled into big spikes on top of his head n they were died blue. He wore his red contax which made him luok even more goth.

“DONT SPEAK To MY SUPER SMEXY GIRLFRIEND LIKE THAT YOU TOE!!!!!” DRACO sobs, standing up and pushing me behind him. My big platform leather boots jingled and i almost tripped. 

“DRACO YOU PUSHED ME!” I gasped and started crying harder. Big black striped of makeup stroleld down my face like a galaxy. Im like space remember lol

“I”M SORRY BABY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!” Draco sprinted out of the room but left his chain on the desk. I grabbed it with my long nails and dashed after him. I fount him gasping for air against the piller. 

Herminny Granger came up and shoved me to the ground. She giggled and ran away. Fucking prepz. I put my middle finger up at her. 

~Time skipz to tonight lol~

“I have to go, draco” I gasped, looking depressed. 

“What? Are you inliove with professor snap or something?” draco weaped while singing “im not okay” my mcr. 

“So what if i am?” i said sneakily, closing my closet. I wore a big poofy dress with ripped black material and corset stuff on the front and back. My lips adorned blood read lipstick and my eyes were dead on the inside. I hummed dear maria count me in as i got dressed. Draco turned around so he wouldnt see me change because that is PORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I pushed draco over so he hit the floor and walked into prof snap’s office. 

“SNAPEY!” I yelled. He was in the corner looking sad and depressed, watching rain fall from the heavens. 

“Oh. hello there.” he ejaculated as his long nose pointed in my direction and i felt tears wheel in my eyes. He stood and pulled off his cloak to reveal a fall out boy t shirt and ripped skinny jeans with doc martens and chains and zippers everywhere. 

I GASPED “YOURE GOFFICK???????” I was stunned and he strutted over, shaking his thick, juicy, greasy ass. 

“Yes, and emo and goth and punk and and alt and and indie and underground and a soundcloud rapper and in love with you.” He towards over my small frame and looked into my dark black and silver with small golden flecks orbs. I gasped and almost fainted. 

“What about draco?” my voice shaked as he started singing death of a bachelor by my favorite band, the hot panic1

“Forget about that dog poop bag. You are all i need please marry me and become Avril Willow Way Urie Snape.” His mouth covered mine and i moaned into his lips. His tongue fought mine for dominance and his long ring covered hand found my ass. I gasped as he squeezed me and looked at his neck. 

“Is that a stick and poke of a safety pin snapey?” I twirl his long, emo black, greesy hair inbetween my fingers. 

“It symbolizes my hate for the patriarchy and my love for you” 

JUST THEN DRACO WALKED IN AND PUNCHED SNAPE

“SHES MINE GRANDPA!” he yelled, throwing me over his shoulder! I moaned at the feeling and sobbed to be let down. He set me down and looked into my dead orbs with his blood red orbs. He was sobbing

“Snapes your gpa?” i groaned

“No” draco said back

“Oh” i winked

“But youre still mine” draco twerked 

“No thanks. I love snap now”

Draco screamed and ran into the wall while hermiomy recorded and ronuld farted in response. Everyone in the hall started laughing. 

“NO STOP I LOVE HIM!” I wheezed, throwing myself onto the floor in a big heap

Then I stood up and decided i had to go. The end

#severus snape #snape #severus snape x reader #severus snape x y/n #severus snape x oc #draco #draco malfoy #draco malfoy x reader #draco x reader #draco malfoy x oc #malfoy #my immortal #crack fic #parody #joke #i am so sorry #professor snape #harry potter #harry potter x reader #ron weasley #hermione granger #ron weasley x reader #hermione granger x reader #jk rowling

[trollcafe]

(See You At Your) Funeral

Length: 1905 Words TW: Alcohol Ment at the beginning, but never again. Otherwise, none.  Brief: Leuken and Miykie/Maldov talk to Magnus after he ditches Romune. Credits: Leuken is @/the-lime-gangs Here’s the song I listened to while writing this!

Google Docs link for easier Viewing! 

After leaving Romune’s hive, Magnus couldn’t bear to face his squadron. Not just yet. He decided to hunker down in a grimy hotel until the next night. He had expected to get terribly drunk on cheap hotel alcohol, but all he ended up doing was lie on the gritty bed and stare at the ceiling. He didn’t remember falling asleep. He did remember his alarm going off bright and early, as it always had for work. With a groan, he sat up to face the music. 

The dock where the ship rested was bustling with trolls. Magnus didn’t look at any of them. He had learned a long time ago to simply mind his own when he walked. While his head was held high, his gaze was on the floor in front of him. He didn’t stop when familiar trolls said his name in greeting. He stepped onto the ship, the same ship he had been on ever since joining the Fleet, and made his way directly for his office. 

Yvatte, one of the younger rusts on the squadron, attempted to say hello as Magnus walked past. When he was subsequently ignored, he turned to Zakrai with a puzzled expression. The older bronze patted his shoulder and shook his head. 

Magnus threw open the door to his office. Maldov, who was seated in Magnus’ desk chair, jumped as the door slammed. Leuken, who leaned back in his chair, simply glowered. Magnus looked down at the two rusts and found himself growing angry. First off, how dare Maldov sit in his chair. And how dare Leuken look at him with such a sour expression. Bastards. 

Magnus pointed towards the open door. "Get off the ship. Go hive. I have work to do."

Leuken didn’t move. He narrowed his eyes at the taller purple and leaned forward slightly, "Naw. Somethin's up, Magnus. You never fuckin' slam that door. What the fuck'd'y'do?" Leuken’s expression softened slightly. He leaned back in his seat as Magnus was silent, "I ain' acting as your little soldier right now. I'm actin as your friend. A son."

This just upset Magnus further. Leuken was nothing more than a soldier, he had no right to act as a friend. Magnus didn’t have friends. This was the Fleet, dammit, if you have friends then they’re destined to die. Or get blown up and go AWOL until your squadron so rudely pushes you to reunite. Oops. Magnus stood up straight and folded his arms over his chest. He made himself appear taller and bigger, it was an age old intimidation tactic he had learned when he was younger. Finally came to good use. 

"That's none of your business. You are not my friend, you're part of my squadron, and right now you're on leave. I repeat, Petty Officer." 

"Really? You're going to puff up at me?" Leuken scoffed in disbelief. 

Maldov anxiously reached across the desk and lightly tugged on Leuken’s sleeve. He muttered something too soft for Magnus to hear. Leuken disregards this entirely. With horror growing on his face, Maldov watches Leuken stand up and up to Magnus. Leuken was only a few inches shorter than the purple but the way Magnus looked down at him made Maldov worried. There were practically flames in his gaze. 

There were literal flames at Leuken’s fingertips. Keeping his fire psionics contained proved to be difficult when he was angry. 

"I'm not scared of you like the others are. You're clearly fucking angry over something, and you need to calm the hell down. Did you fucking ditch him? Did you Magnus?" Leuken’s voice raised in pitch as he grew angrier. While he cared about his sergeant, he couldn’t believe what he had done. Silence settled around them, only proving what Leuken said to be true. As Leuken spoke, the yellows in Magnus’ eyes turned orange.He lifted his chin to further accentuate his height. Maldov nervously looked down at the desk. There were only a few pens; nothing that could stop the sergeant from hurting Leuken. 

"What I did is none of your concern. Are you defying orders, Leuken?" Magnus tilted his head slightly, raising a brow. He didn’t use Leuken’s official title, giving the rust a chance to back down before he wrote him up. But even as he stood there, glaring down at the rust, Magnus knew Leuken was right to be angry. A seed of doubt had rooted in his chest and was starting to grow. 

"You ditched him, and you denying it is all I need to know. Whatever Magnus. Throw your chance away. You have a choice this time on whether to leave him or not." Leuken hesitated for a moment, letting his words sink in. Then he left the office, brushing past Magnus. As he walked by, his psionics singed the corner of Magnus’ uniform.

Before Leuken was completely gone, Magnus finally broke. He could feel what little confidence he had deflate as quickly as a balloon. 

“You wouldn’t understand.” He felt like a wriggler for saying that. How could Leuken understand? He didn’t abandon his mate. Magnus’ eyes settled on Maldov, who was still sitting in his chair. Bastard, sitting in HIS chair. Who did he think he was? 

Leuken stopped in the doorway. He looked over his shoulder, calmer now, "He remembers you, Magnus. I saw it when I showed him that picture of you.” He paused for a moment to gather his thoughts. Magnus was silent and refused to look at him. "I think I would. I thought Miykie was dead for sweeps. I'm returning the favor, Magpie. Take the chance." With that, Leuken finally left. He returned to the bunkers. The rest of the squadron knew better than to question him on what just happened. 

Maldov looked up at Magnus. He had two options: run away to Leuken like a scared wriggler or fix this disaster. Magnus narrowed his eyes as Maldov leaned back in the desk chair. He folded his hands behind his head, kicked his feet up on the desk and raised a brow. Magnus hesitated for a moment before closing the door to the office. Part of him wanted to beat the absolute shit out of Maldov. But instead, he took a seat in one of the smaller chairs in front of the desk. He rested his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. 

“I fucked up, Molly.” 

“Aye, boss.” 

“How do I fix this?” Magnus looked up slightly, dragging his hands down his face. When he looked at Maldov, the rust just shrugged. 

“...’how do y’ think y’ fix it, aye?” 

Magnus glowered at Maldov. The desire to smack him came back. “You’re no fuckin’ help.” 

“Tsk tsk, I’m more help than y’think. Y’know how yer gunna fix it. Lu be damned. So, Boss, I repeat, ‘ow you gunna fix this?” Maldov watched Magnus closely. 

“I can’t be with him Molly. He deserves better than that. He deserves someone who’s gunna look for him if he goes missin’. Someone who’d be there. I’m stuck on a ship constantly. I only got approved t’ come back on planet to check on Officer Leuken.”

“So don’t be wit him. But be there fer ‘im. Besides, didja even give it a shot?” Maldov laughed softly, bitterly, “You didn’ come in ‘ere lookin’ like you jus spent the day with the love of yer life.” 

Magnus was silent. 

Maldov sat up, putting his feet back flat on the ground. He leaned against the desk and folded his hands together. 

“Magnus, ‘ere’s what yer gunna do. Aye? Y’ listenin’?” Maldov waited for Magnus to nod, “Okay, good. Yer gunna go back to that blasted blueblood. ‘N yer gunna apologize. Not some shitty ‘sorry aye ditched ye’ sorta shit, nay, yer gunna be genuine wit that man. Now I know Rom, ‘e’s a nice fellow. So if ‘e’ll ‘ave ya, yer gunna stick wit him. Give it a shot.” 

“And what if it doesn’t work? What if the guilt is too much to bear?” Magnus’ voice was soft. 

“Then you leave.” Maldov nodded. He was silent afterwards. That was it. The end of the Molly pep-talk. Magnus waited a moment to let Molly’s words really settle. Then he nodded and stood up slowly. He felt his knees crack as he stood. Disgusting. He stared at Maldov for a moment longer, the rust looking back at him expectedly. His eyes said it all. 

Magnus turned and left, leaving the door to the office open. He headed straight for the bunkers. Leuken laid on his bunk, back to the door. Magnus crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe. He cleared his throat. Leuken sat up slowly and turned to him. 

"Well? You going to give up on it?" Leuken raised a brow as he spoke. 

Magnus raised a brow as well. He had to tell himself to not scold Leuken for being so rude, it wasn’t the time. After a moment, he finally spoke,  "Stay here for a few more days. But don't let the squad sit and do nothing. Offer to organize the weapons bunker. That should keep y'all entertained- and on Deadbite's good side- until I get back."

"...alright." Leuken stood slowly and paused to stretch. He walked up to Magnus with a mischievous grin, "Don't ever puff up to me again. You look stupid, Magpie." With that final word, Leuken returned to the office where Maldov sat. 

Magus heaved a sigh. He pushed off the door frame before noticing the rest of the crew watching him. His brow furrowed in annoyance. Rotten kids. 

“The fuck are you lookin’ at me for? Get to work.” Despite his bitter expression, his tone was soft. The crew scrambled away to make themselves busy. 

---

After the asteroid belt the ship had gone through, Magnus knew it would stay on Alternia for a while. He had plenty of time to return to that beaten down hotel for a couple days. Just long enough for him to think. He didn’t consider what would happen when he went back to Romune, if the blueblood would even accept him. He just knew Maldov was right, he had to go back. He had to try. At least give it a chance. 

Magnus gave Romune no warning. He decided, in the middle of the night, that he was finally brave enough to head over to Romune’s once more. The hotel wasn’t far from his hive, and luckily Magnus remembered the way. The night was brisk. His uniform jacket barely kept him warm enough. Stopping to grab flowers crossed his mind. But Romune was never the cheesy type, not how Magnus remembered him. 

His thoughts were empty as he stood before the blueblood’s hive once more. The air, while cold, was still. He couldn’t even hear the river behind the hive. He heard nothing but his own pusher beating steadily in his chest. Like a drum. It felt as if the damn thing would jump through his throat at any moment. 

Magnus swallowed the last bit of pride he had and went to knock on the door. The painfully familiar sound of the lock switching made him freeze right before his balled fist made contact.  He stared down at the door handle with wide eyes. His pusher sped up when he tested the door knob. 

It was unlocked. 

#ghost.art #drabbles #magnus cynict #miykie fannie #miykie's fucking accent RUINS this. #posting at 11:30pm? on a wednesday? #more likely than u think #i also changed what song this was abt. like 30 times.

[leelee10898]

18

COLT X ELLIE

Hey guys, how have you all been?? So I have had this little thing in my google docs forever and well, I wanna post it now! This goes along with with the colt chronicles, a series of one shots in no particular order, going along to songs... so far its been mostly one Direction lol. I hope you all are in great health and spirts, im tagging all my ROD and Perma tag peeps.. if you want to be added or removed from tags, just let me know.

He stood there with his pockets tucked in his leather jacket. It was unreasonably cold for L.A in September, he checked his surroundings, always looking, never knowing what was lurking in the shadows. Come on.. come on…

He anxiously tapped his foot. A blur of blue flew around the corner abruptly stopping in front of him, the passenger door flew open and he slid in. 

“Jesus, took you long enough.” He huffed as he slammed the door. 

"Im sorry. There were cops all around the house, I had to wait." Ellie apologized, slamming the shifter into gear. 

She expertly maneuvered her car around the side streets of L.A. and out of the city limits.  

A smile crept up the sides of his mouth, he knew exactly where they were going, their spot. The spot that changed everything for him in a matter of seconds.  He would never forget that day, the first time he pulled her onto the back of his bike, the first time he opened himself up to anyone, even just a little bit. When they took that jump and he pulled her into him, the waves crashed against them as their lips came together for the first time. He felt a fire ignite, something that fueled his drive, his desire, his...stupidity.  

 He knew the risk of sticking around in L.A, he tried to leave and he almost did. The day he left her and drove away, he made it about a half hour into his drive and he had to stop and puke. He couldn't leave her, though he should. He jumped back on his bike, grabbing a burner phone and calling her to meet him. 

Ellie pulled off the road, parking in front of the 

cliffs overlooking the Pacific.  They climbed up on the hood of the car, she dug two big belly burgers out of the bag, handing one to colt. 

"I think my dad is starting to get suspicious." 

"Well maybe you shouldn't lie to him and actually go to school." Colt snorted, ripping off a chunk of his burger off. 

She rolled her eyes, staring off into the horizon. 

Ellie was supposed to go off to langston, blowing off the summer program.  When fall semester rolled around, she managed to get online schooling. Thanks to a forged official document, baring her from attending classes due to the brotherhood threatening her life. All of it lies, but when your friends are criminals, anything is possible. She stayed at a safe house colt had set up for her, him staying the opposite side of town. He should stay away from her, for her safety, but he was weak for her. 

The sat in silence a little longer, a song began to play on the radio. A wide smile spread across her face. 

"Jesus, not this shit again." Colt groaned as Ellie reached in and turned the radio up. 

I got a heart and I got a soul

Believe me I will use them both

We made a start

Be it a false one, I know

Baby, I don't want to feel alone

"You love it." She grinned pushing him as she began to sing along. 

Baby, I don't want to feel alone

So kiss me where I lay down

My hands press to your cheeks

A long way from the playground

I have loved you since we were 18

Long before we both thought the same thing

To be loved, to be in love

All I can do is say that these arms were made for holding you

I wanna love like you made me feel

When we were 18

"Nope. Still terrible." He protested, shaking his head profusely. "Noooo you don't.  Come on colt, dance with me." She jumped up off the car grabbing his hands and singing along.  

We took a chance

God knows we tried

Yet all along, I knew we'd be fine

"Finnne.”  He sighed, climbing off the car and wrapping his arms around her, bopping along to the beat of the song as it played in the background. 

So pour me a drink oh love,

Let's split the night wide open and we'll see everything

We can live in love in slow motion, motion, motion

So kiss me where I lay down

My hands press to your cheeks

A long way from the playground

Ellie threw her hands up in the air, twirling around belting out the song at the top of her lungs.  Colt couldn't help but let out a belly laugh, she was the only person who could get him to lower his walls and be free, just for a moment. 

The song started to slow, and Colt pulled her into him. One wrapped tightly against her back, one lifted to her cheek,  sweeping her long brown hair behind her ear. 

Kiss me where I lay down

My hands press to your cheeks

A long way from the playground

He looked into her eyes as he sang the words.

I have loved you since we were 18, Long before we both thought the same thing

Their lips a breath apart, heavy breathing as the swell of the music rushed, he pushed her away, grabbing her hand and quickly pulling her back. 

To be loved and to be in love

And all I can do is say that these arms were made for holding you

And I want a love like you made me feel

When we were 18

I want a love like you made me feel

When we were 18

She let out a roar of laughter as he pulled her close again, he pulled his finger up, tilting her head up as his lips captured hers, taking her breath away. He finally pulled back, pressing his lips back to hers softly then pressing his forehead against hers. "I love you Ellie." 

"I love you too." 

When we were 18

*******

He tucked his hands into the pocket of his leather jacket as he waited. It was an unseasonably cold September day. 

Come on.. come on…  he impatiently tapped his foot against the concrete.  Finally a blur of blue whipped around the corner, screeching to a stop in front of him, the passenger door flying open.  

"Thought you'd left me hanging." He smirked as he tossed his bag in the back and climbed in the car and closed the door. "Never." Her smile met her eyes. 

"God el. I've been waiting a whole year to do this." His smirk grew even wider as he leaned in, gently cupping both her cheeks. His mouth met hers with a soft yet urgent kiss,  his tongue sweep between her lips as it gently rolled against hers.  His hand crept behind her head, gently tangling her brown locks and pulling with a little pressure.  She moaned into the kiss, it took everything he had in him to not pull her in the back of that car and make explicit words roll off her tongue. He just got out of jail, he had no plans on going back, especially not for indecent exposure. He pulled back, his smoldering gaze met hers.  "Come on, let's put some miles between us and this place. Let's go home." 

As they drove towards their new life a familiar song played on the radio

I have loved you since we were 18

Long before we both thought the same thing

To be loved, to be in love

All I can do is say that these arms were made for holding you

I wanna love like you made me feel

When we were 18

@kenna-and-val-are-my-queens @hopefulmoonobject @crookedslimecreatorpasta @be-still-my-aching-heart @ao719 @speedyoperarascalparty @riseandshinelittleblossom @cocomaxley @bobasheebaby @ownworldresident @cordoniaqueensworld @indiacater @blackcatkita @darley1101 @choicesgremlin @desireepow-1986 @mskaneko 

ROD

@daniv2278 @brightpinkpeppercorn @lovehugsandcandy @going-down-downtown @mercyparkcrew @emichelle @annekebbphotography @walkerismychoice @yesivefallenpreytothechoicestrap  @sweetest-marbear 

@simsvetements @zaffrenotes 

@akrenich @ifyouseekheart @client-327 @choicesarehard @paisleylovergirl @itskismetbb @itsmarleen

@distinguishedsaladoperawinner @iplaydrake @coffeebeandragon @jasidu2 

@umiumichan @sarwin85  @liamzigmichael4ever @sumbarbietingz @choicesgremlin

#colt x ellie #the colt choronicle #ROD #ride or die #choices ride or die #colt kaneko

[shy-marker-pliers]

High school AU thingamabob

Dark

17 year old senior

class president and is kinda high and mighty about it tbh

“yes i know student council can’t really make any changes without the input of the superintendent but IM THE PRESIDENT AND YOU’RE NOT SO SUCK MY DI-“

does sound/lights for all the shows the school puts on

dating wilford and no one knows how or why they’re together

had a deep as hell voice and a beard the second he hit puberty

takes every ethics/psychology class he can

wants to be a lawyer

that one kid that everyone fears but is actually kinda chill if not a little surly

wears a collared shirt and tie to school every day and would totally get made fun of for it if he wasn’t terrifying

listens to classical music unironically

“oh my god i’m so going to fail this test” *proceeds to get the highest grade in the class*

protector of the gays™️

person: *says something mean to a student because they’re lgbtq+*

Dark: *teleports in front of said student* omae wa mou shindeiru

Wilford

19 year old senior

Yes he still has the mustache

doesn’t give a fuck about what anyone thinks of him

deadass wore a dress to school after one of his friends got made fun of because she wore a suit to a school dance

b u f f a s h e l l

could bench press a teacher if he really tried

on the cheer team

“no i’m not wearing pants, this miniskirt makes my ass look great!”

everyone’s bodyguard

usually attracts a crowd of nervous underclassmen

has mild dyslexia

tol

gives his friends piggyback rides

president of the drama club

works hard enough in school to pass his classes but that’s pretty much it

sleeps in class

Bim

15 year old freshman

vice president of the drama club

wilfords shadow

first freshman to help run the drama club and shoves it in everyone’s face

shouts his gayness from the rooftops

secretly super insecure

loves plants and helps out in the schools greenhouse

named all of the plants but if you tell anyone he’ll stab you

gets mostly B’s and C’s

has mild ocd but not enough to affect him severely

talks like a game show host cause he thinks it makes him sound attractive

it doesn’t

Google(s)

16 year old juniors

identical quadruplets

they have to wear different colors every day or else no one knows which one is which

they’re called the googles because their backpacks match the colors of the chrome logo and they’re super smart

straight A 4.0 GPA students but Oliver has to try a little harder than his brothers

all of them are in the robotics team except for ollie

Blue works on programming and red and green are on the build team

Ollie is the sweetest day of sunshine to ever exist and everyone loves him

he’s basically adopted Eric as his lil bro

tutors people in the library every tuesday and thursday

the other googles disapprove of his relationship with bing but he makes ollie happy so they don’t do anything about it

they all work in a supermarket and they’re saving up for college

ollie wants to be a vet, red and green want to be engineers, and blue wants to be a web developer

Bing

17 year old junior

mostly A’s, a few B’s.

his full name is zachary bing but people call him bing because he’s always trying to one up the googles

dudebro

was pining after ollie for months before chase finally felt sorry for him and told ollie how he felt

they’re dating now and it’s adorable

so soft for his boyf

a really good skater and wins a lot of local competitions

doesn’t study but still gets p good grades

wears sunglasses all the time because he has light sensitivity

Has ADHD

s t r o n k

always challenges people to arm wrestle him

can sing really well and plays gitaur

shares a youtube channel with chase where they skate and to challenges and stuff

Dr. ipiler

18 year old senior

Everyone calls him doc because he helps the school nurse and takes every single biology and health class there is

all A’s

really wants to be a surgeon

best friends with Schneep

huge star trek/harry potter nerd (ravenclaw if you’re wondering)

almost always at schneep’s house studying or just chillin’

kind of a control freak

thinks he’s charismatic but he’s actually kinda annoying

but annoying in a funny way

has a pet ferret that he sneaks into school

feral

espresso and sugar flows through his veins

“i actually got a good sleep last night.” “oh really?” “yeah bro i got a whole half hour!”

super dark bags under his eyes

Host

17 year old junior

all A’s except for in gym class

he has eyes in this

his real name is Simon Charles Teller (there are specific meanings to those names btw look them up) but he’s called The Host because he does morning announcements every day.

has gold eyes and a lot of people find it unnerving

“hey i have a podcast you should totally listen to it”

nocturnal

spends all of his free time in the library

always reading in class but the teachers don’t really care bc his grades are good and he does his homework

wants to be an english/poetry teacher

crushing on the cute shy kid from his english class

doesn’t talk much but he’ll still be nice to you

that one kid who’s always correcting the teachers

Runs the D&D club (he’s the dungeon master)

Eric Derekson

16 year old junior

Mostly high B’s, a couple of A’s.

lives with his uncle mark after he ran away from his abusive dad and is living a happy life

the guy that always volunteers to take care of the class pets over the weekend

animals love him

has anxiety, mild paranoia and autism.

animals, harry potter, and pokémon are his hyperfixations.

he also really likes gardening

crushing big time on hostioli

spends his entire english class staring at him and blushing

is seriously considering joining D&D club just to be able to talk to him

he’s in the art club

wants to be a vet and maybe do some freelance art stuff on the side

Ollie keeps yelling at him to just ask host out already but he’s too nervous

my poor bb boi

Wears sweaters all the time

wears headphones to block out noise if it ever gets too loud at he goes into sensory overload

disaster bi

Yan

18 year old senior

gets C’s

non-binary

has a makeup tutorial channel on youtube and has a pretty decent following

That one weeb

dyes their hair a new color every week

also has a new crush every week

everyone knows who their newest victim is because they never stop watching them

draws anime or cute animals for every art class

wants to be a a fashion designer

does MMA

everyone kinda stears clear of them

writes their first initial along with their crush’s on every notebook they own

has gotten suspended for beating kids up on multiple occasions

doesn’t really have that many friends but they don’t mind

spends their lunches watching their crush

in the drama club and the art club

Randall Voorhees

18 year old senior

C’s and D’s

Eric’s cousin/bodyguard

they have a lot of the same classes and walk everywhere together

loves animals and has like 10 pet rats

he doesn’t really care about his grades because he knows that he wants to be a woodworker/construction guy

makes little houses out of scrap wood for his rats and Eric thinks it’s adorable

always sneaks his rats to school and lets them have play dates with dr. iplier’s ferret

“nO IM NOT RELATED TO JASON VOORHEES HES NOT EVEN REAL SO SHUT THE HELL UP-“

used to live in nyc in queens and still has a pretty strong accent

completely incomprehensible when he’s excited or angry bc of the accent

everyone is jealous of his hair

spends like 100 dollars on shampoo and conditioner and stuff but it’s worth it

acts like the straightest guy in existence but could not be more gay

his boots are always muddy

Yancy

16 year old sophomore

his name is Yancy Bird

g...get it? like jailbird? ahaha...ok i’ll stop

permanent resident of the detention room

but he gets to just chill out and read for an hour so he doesn’t really mind

mostly gets detention for beating up kids that bully others

fuck the system

always wears a leather jacket and blue jeans

“hey, the 50’s called and they want their-“ SMACK. “shut up.”

takes a lot of criminal justice and psychology classes ironically

in the botany club but if you tell anyone they’ll never find your body

everyone is surprised when they find out he’s friends with Eric and ollie

pan but in denial

“i’m not gay guys, that ain’t me, i’m just comfortable with my sexuality. so i can admit when i see a guy with a handsome face and pretty eyes-“

that song is great btw you should listen to it

anyway

always makes really dark jokes and everyone is like “are you ok?”

except for his friends they just laugh

“lmao wouldn’t it be funny if everyone like...died”

#markiplier #markiplier egos #darkiplier #eric derekson #the host #wilford warfstache #yancy iplier #randall voorhees #bim trimmer #high school

[inkribbon796]

The Lost Ones Ch. 1

Chapter 1: Illegal Clones and Legal Crimes

Summary:  Anti liked joking around, he likes pulling pranks and bothering Dark now that he’s permanently moved into Egoton. But one day he decides to take the joke too far, and it gets about five times more unfunny. But when it’s all said and done, Dark had to admit . . . he is charming.

A/N: someone requested this little joke about Dark being short and so I threw it in here.

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

~::~ Twenty Years Ago ~::~

It began as things tended to begin with Anti: jokes.

“Hey, Dark,” Anti had burst into Dark’s main office to bother him, again.

“Leave,” Dark told him, not looking up.

“What’dya get when yah combine you an’ Wilford?” Anti sounded like he was trying to keep himself from cackling madly.

“I don’t care,” Dark told him.

“A hot mess,” Anti joked. Usually when Dark didn’t respond he used about anything to try and get his attention.

“If you need a body disposed of, I’m not helping,” Dark warned.

“Yer just no fun,” Anti sulked.

“I’m busy,” Dark reminded. “It’s bad enough I have to put up with Wilford’s antics, I refuse to humor you as well.”

Anti then attempted to stab Dark and the ensuing fight got rid of some of Anti’s pent up energy. It also got the glitch thinking: what would Dark or Wil’s kid be like?

He imagined Dark’s kid would probably be a lot like Dark was, about ZERO fun, and in about six years when he saw Kay and Illinois for the first time he would learn he was right.

But Wil’s kid: that had to be an interesting kid. Wil was mad fun, a complete and utter lunatic, there was no way he couldn’t pass that down to a kid. And fortunately for Anti, Wil was a prolific nymphomaniac. He had to have some kid, somewhere. There was no way the Wilford that Anti knew hadn’t had sloshed, unprotected sex at least once in his life. Everyone in the crime world knew that while Dark and Wil were Ego’s big couple, Wil slept around.

After a month, Anti gave up looking for the brat, either Dark had tried to clean up Wil’s extra-relationship affairs before they could bear fruit, or the kid had been hidden from Dark.

Another couple of weeks passed and his brain came up with a stupid idea: why not clone the assholes? Cut out the middleman. It was probably their only way someone was even going to get an ankle biter out of Dark in the first place.

But, as it turned out, cloning someone was way harder than Anti thought it would be. He needed people to do the cloning, a safe place for them to work. And after Google joined Dark, Anti had to avoid his prying eye because that walking laptop told Dark everything.

The eggheads he’d threatened found had been excited about the process, but hesitantly optimistic about their chances. But either way they’d need a test and Anti shrugged his shoulders and knew he couldn’t get any of the conventional ways to make a kid from Dark at least without getting his head blown off for even suggesting it.

They needed a test and Wil was the easy option.

“So wait?” Wil was already wasted, the slur in his speech even more pronounced after enough margaritas and martinis to kill a normal man, the two were sitting in a private room at some bar, Anti figured the mad man probably wouldn’t remember this come morning. “You need m’ what?”

“Yer aura,” Anti was admittedly a bit buzzed himself, electricity literally arching off of him in some spots. “I mean the docs will prolly use whate’er but I just wanna see what yer aura does if we pick it apart.”

Will just shrugged, and either he didn’t care or was too drunk to care, but he set his arm on the table and whipped out the stiletto knife he usually hid in the garter on his right thigh and ran it down his arm until he randomly stopped. Wil picked something up and a whirling mass of pink and yellow came off.

The mad man held it out. “Here yah go.”

Anti hesitantly grabbed it, it felt like the consistency of cotton candy, but had almost a soapy, saccharine, bubble gum. And to Anti something about it felt twisted and fake.

But by this point Anti knew Wilford was incapable of keeping secrets when he was this sloshed. Wil had already slipped some pretty spicy secrets about what he and Dark did in the bedroom that had Anti demanding that he wanted literal brain bleach to get out of his mind.

So Anti took it and let Wil try his hand at drunken flirting, leaving to go back to his lab coats to see what they could do with it.

And to everyone’s surprise, the aura was reacting to stuff, almost like it was a living organism or a parasite that lived within Wil’s soul and it was very choosy about what it let them stick onto it. Despite the fact that it just sat there and did nothing.

It looked a bit like a slug after it had stopped moving, a pink and yellow swirling slug.

At this point Anti had honestly forgotten about cloning Dark, the glitch demon wanted to see their auras fighting. He wanted to watch Wil and Dark’s auras tear each other apart.

So it was time to get Dark’s aura, but Anti couldn’t just ask the Entity for it, no! He knew that there was no force on earth or Hell that would get Dark to willingly give Anti his aura for his death matches. So he’d have to take a chunk off by force.

It took a week of stalking Dark before he finally got his chance, and Anti was just about ready to fight Dark himself but as luck and fate would have it, Dark decided to got out hunting.

The Entity was stalking a couple gangsters when Anti decided to make his move. They were a local group Anti liked to pick on from time to time, so they were a tiny bit smarter than some of the other groups that had tried and died taking Dark on as if he was Deceit.

When Dark folded himself out of one of the alley shadows, one of the gangsters froze, watching Dark snap his own neck like the drama queen he was.

“Huh,” the braver of the three gangsters realized. “Yer shorter than me.”

Anti almost blew his cover trying to stifle his own laughter. Dark looked insulted and infuriated. “Excuse you‽”

“Sorry,” the guy was over six feet tall, but not more than half a foot taller than Dark or Anti. “I just figured “the Demon of Egoton” would be more demon-like, an’ bigger.”

Dark seemed to get angrier, and Anti was trying to stop himself from laughing so much that he almost missed his chance.

The Entity’s aura shot out and grabbed onto the gangster, one of his friends tried to shoot Dark but it was stopped by another part of Dark’s aura. It began to ruthlessly tear into the gangster and his friends. “I’m not too short to kill you!”

Anti lunged for Dark, managing to get his claws into Dark’s aura. The demon screamed out, in screeching pain. “I’ll be takin’ some ‘a that.”

“ANTI! I will tear you apart so thoroughly that no force in Hell can piece you back together again!” Dark was furious, the gangster that were lucky enough not to get struck by Dark’s rampaging aura were forgotten.

Anti raced off, running into the Void and trying to keep the writhing mass that was Dark’s aura away from the other demon. It was consciously trying to get back to Dark, or to kill Anti, the glitch demon wasn’t sure which and he didn’t particularly care at the moment. He was just trying to get away from Dark to keep him from taking his aura back.

Eventually Anti did get away, it was more luck that anything else. But when the coast was clear Anti returned to the scientists, covered in his own blackish, glitching, ichor blood and holding out the angry, hissing fragment of Dark’s aura.

“Is that thing hissing?” The lead scientist asked, her curly light brown hair barely tied out of the way. Anti had completely forgotten all their names at this point. He was pretty sure it was Beautiful or Bunny or some weird French name he couldn’t pronounce.

“Yeah,” Anti smiled, “let’s throw this bastard in with Wil’s and see if they kill each other.”

“Is that still alive after you disconnected that from him?” She was staring at it like it was a scientific marvel.

“Well yeah,” Anti gestured as he spoke, “Wilf’s just got a weird aura. Most ‘a our auras are like this caustic fooker’s.”

Quickly the scientist grabbed a container, the same type they put Wil’s in and Anti poked at Dark’s aura with his own, trying to get it especially angry.

“Okay, Bunny let’s get this show on the road,” Anti dusted off his hands.

“It’s Beauregard,” she corrected sharply, fixing her glasses as she held onto the container with one hand.

“Ahh, whatever,” Anti dismissed, smiling. “I wanna see that prick’s aura get shredded.”

Beauregard stopped as they entered another room, Anti moving through the wall. “Hold up, if we put them together are they going to just rip each other apart?”

Anti shrugged, “I mean, Dark’s an angry fooker an’ Wil’s aura is infectious, they gotta do somethin’ cool to each other.”

Beauregard and Anti’s conversation came to a halt when they heard some yelling in the next room. She ran ahead, yelling, “What is going on in here?”

“I don’t know,” one of the technicians looked panicked. He and another technician were trying to keep Wil’s aura in the container it was in, the aura was bubbling and foaming, making a weird noise, Dark’s one aura was letting out that high pitched echo that Dark was infamous for. It cause more than one person to look around wildly for the demon to suddenly appear. It almost seemed like the fragment of Dark’s aura was shaking. The entire container Dark’s aura was in almost fell out of Beauregard’s arms. The result was the two auras seeming to square up against each other as if they were going to fight.

Anti was almost cackling, rubbing his hands together, “Come on Bubbles, fook ‘im up. I got a fiver on yeh.”

Wilford’s aura lunged again and suddenly it was inside the same container as Dark’s. The ringing became more intense.

Beauregard jumped, letting out this surprised scream. Then the ringing stopped  when Wilford’s aura just parked itself next to Dark’s and they both calmed down. No one in the room moved, not wanting to set off either of their test subjects. Beauregard watched in awe as Dark’s aura changed from an inky grey to a mix of blue and red, the colors changing between the two but never mixing. It was more blue than red at the moment.

“Oh yeh sappy bastards,” Anti cursed, stomping over. “Come on, I wanted a cage match!”

“I thought we were cloning demons?” Beauregard asked him, most of her attention was on the little aura samples.

“Ehh, I’m already bored, tell me when they actually start doin’ somethin’ interesti’,” Anti dismissed, and then he left.

But when he was fully gone he stuck his head back in, “An’ by that I mean they set themselves on fire or start shootin’ acid.”

“Right, right, of course,” Beauregard agreed, holding up the container and smiling. Even if they failed, she was going to learn some amazing things about auras.

While Beauregard was planning, Anti had already gone back to Brighton to start terrorizing people again.

He was almost immediately found by Dark who demanded the shredded off piece of his aura back, he could grow it back on his own, of course, but didn’t like the idea of Anti having it.

So when Anti couldn’t produce the missing piece of Dark’s aura, the fight resulted in Anti being turned into pixels and Dark walking off with a broken arm and five broken ribs — not that Dark told anyone about the broken bones.

It took him a week to reform. By then he’d actually forgotten he’d gotten a team to do the actual cloning.

After months and months and months, they called him to say they’d “finally gotten a live one” and Anti couldn’t pass up the opportunity to watch Egoton burn.

After all, what could be more destructive than Wilford’s madness with Dark’s power?

#Superhero AU #Masks and Maladies #Egoton Origins #Markiplier #jacksepticeye #Darkstache #Darkiplier #Antisepticeye #Wilford Warfstache #Bim Trimmer #Prof. Beauregard #Anti takes a joke too far #illegal cloning