#things I need to remind myself sometimes because i have the same focusing issues as zuko

[noexoozes]

Finished the conversation between Zuko, Bee, and Shot, which means it is finally time for the fun part: Jet and Zuko interactions.

#jetko #jetko zuko figures it out au #gotta lay the foundations for their relationship after all #can't just focus on Zuko figuring out the mystery #things I need to remind myself sometimes because i have the same focusing issues as zuko #meaning i focus too hard on one thing and lose track of everything else

[delusion-of-negation]

that post reminded me, and this is really low down on the list of problems with that hospital, but a few of the bank staff (people working for an agency that sends them to any hospital when it needs extra staff) would talk amongst themselves in a different language, sometimes clearly insulting the patients. there's rules against doing that- you're in a room full of people with the most intense paranoia on the planet (at least one of whom would get driven to suicidal episodes whenever he got paranoid), so doing things like that is a genuine risk. like I'm not talking about casual "what's up?" as you pass in the hall, I'm talking about neglecting work, sitting on chairs in the corner, chatting for two hours. one woman also sneakily recorded some falling asleep. I wouldn't be willing to class myself as fluent in much, but I know a bit, and it really isn't difficult to pick up gestures and tone, and said lady is probably in the same boat as me on that, and knew the risks to people like the guy if he caught on. and I get it to an extent, like because my family's language is actively suppressed, but if you intend to work in psych hospitals, you really have to understand there's risks you don't get when you work in mcdonald's. you are supposed to be focused on the patients, and on not agitating by doing potentially triggering things, so hearing some staff giggle, while they occasionally look at you and talk in a language you're unable to understand, would trigger some people. it's one of the competing needs situations, right? except one person is staff in somewhere specifically for vulnerable people, and another is the vulnerable person, the former chose to be there, the latter didn't have a choice, and doesn't want to be there, and can't leave. so I agree with the older staff member, who pointed out that it's just ultimately the patient who's needs have to be prioritised. it was pretty weird watching the lady talk to said older staff member in there, because they discussed the process and reasoning when making it a rule, I was watching how the safeguarding measures addressed complicated situations and made a judgement call. it definitely could come across as discriminatory to say "you can't converse in another language at work", but when that's because people there are severely ill and can spiral into suicide very fast, suddenly it makes sense. my issue was initially more with how it obviously was distracting the staff for hours, how they were just ignoring patients, chatting away, I didn't even really think about whether the language they were talking mattered, but after she pointed out "what if that guy thought they were mocking him or talking about hurting him?" I was like oh fuck oh shit yeah nooo. there were days he wouldn't leave his room because he thought every staff was planning to hurt him, and he'd sit there planning suicide for hours. this is also part of why I attacked the racist by throwing food over her- staff couldn't "stand up for themselves", because they have all the power, racist lady was locked in there, they're allowed to drug her, to move her around, to lock her in a room, even electrocute her (yes, that's legal, yes, that's fucked), keeping her there for weeks or (more likely) months. and they're aware of the fact they had that all the power over her, and she's aware of it too, gleefully mocking that they had to ignore her. it pissed me off. it's a weird environment, where everything about social roles and etiquette gets thrown out the window (which is somehow possible, despite the fact windows there don't open).

[bookishtheaterlover7]

I understand and feel the same issues with age. I see people, and sometimes im like, I feel like I should act older. I always got alowlng with people who were usually older or younger. Sometimes, I feel like I act too young. I dont feel my age i feel like a teenager. College has this way of combining people of various ages both with ine foot in the same life and one foot out . I feel silly sometimes seeing others who have families or are now graduated with careers. But i dont want to feel run down and stuck that im not moving as fast as I should be.

I dont want to feel old I don't want to feel like the world isnt my oyster. I like how I apprached things when I was a teen with open eyes, an open heart, and an open mind. I think that's why i feel young . I dont judge prematurely, and i try and go at things openly,

I think Will and Kate set a new presence since they got married and had kids older. Its no longer a get married and have a family befire your 20s are over even at 29 people aren't focused on that, and I feel like it takes the pressure off. As women yes we have a clock, and it sucks and I want kid, I honestly do. But now isnt the time. Our parents' generation and ours have so many things that seperate us we're living a diffrent age more akin to agriculture turning into the industrial revolution than any other time.

I see celebrities who are in the same age group and it amazes me how they diffrent they look and what they done. I look at people loek SarJo and Britney Spears and I find its amazing what they have done and they look so much older. And I have to remind myself its ok youre not them you're not meant to be exactly like them.

I understand why Miley Cyrus wrote I used to be young. But I dont agree. We are still young. To a 96vyear old a 40nyear old is young

To a 50 year old a 35 year old is young

To a 19 year old and early 20s a 33 year old is someone to look up to thst we set standards to

But look at yourself in your own position. Things must have happened to you that never happened to anyone else, and those changes can be good. Dont be afriad to take longer in school to get your degree

Dont be afraid to start learning a new skill or hobby

It's never too late to try something.

I have to remidn myself that my own journy is mine and taking the shorter path isn't always fun or how its cracked up to be.

We only see hilight reels.

Look at yours no one elses.

After 18 or 21 depending does age really matter when your heart and soul are worth the most weight? Just be a good person regardles if youre 18, 21, 25, 29, 32, 35, 37, 43, 57.... I just want to be a good person and be happy and i think that means accepting how many times i go around the sun doesnt need to dictate how I feel or what I do with my life.

Okay, seriously... How did I stumble upon the accepting people of Tumblr...🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

And also, y'all have officially made me cry 😆

And I'mma share this because honestly, it's beautiful. And I think it's a message people need to hear. I certainly needed to hear it.

Thank you, dear N🫶nnie... 🥹🤗

God, we seriously need more of this positivity around...

#An🫶n asks #An🫶n's wise words #booky reacts #booky answers #🥹🤗 #VIRTUAL HUGS #because it's a lot #and this feels like it deserves one❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[lululawrence]

how do you feel happy? (like... when you've had a bad day what helps? I'm on a four month loop of bad no good bad days and all of my normal tricks no longer work. trying to see if anyone else has any ideas)

oh nonnie. i am so fucking sorry to hear you're where you are! i hate when i reach a point when nothing that usually helps seems to help anymore.

honestly, your opening question had me pause. how do i feel happy?? happy feels... fleeting for me these days. now, for me at least, i think this is mostly because i'm just so bone deep tired that every part of me is just kinda barely existing in survival mode. because of this, the ways that i kind of help myself after a bad day are incredibly specific to me and my needs. i also have an entire slew of layers of things i touch on to try to help myself, depending on what i need that day.

i think you can mostly look at these things as physical needs, emotional needs, mental needs, social needs, and sensory needs. i know there's a lot of overlap in these, but the way i kind of... hone in on them is different and i hope how i explain it makes sense.

this got so stupidly long that i'm putting it beneath a cut and i'm telling you outright at this point you do not have to read all of it. i'm a talkative sort on the best of days, but you hit on something i've been focusing on so much these last few years that i had to infodump and i apologize lol but i did try to still make good points so hopefully you get something good out of all of it??

physical needs. when i'm focusing on my physical needs, i'm literally taking care of my body and it's most base needs. unfortunately, i'm not always good at doing that during the day when i get overwhelmed with the kids. so at the end of the day, if i'm recognizing that i didn't eat enough, drink enough water, get enough sleep, haven't showered in a few days, etc then i take care of that. i try to make sure my teeth are brushed, i'm well fed and watered, and all that and then i tuck myself into bed. it's amazing how just taking care of the most basic of needs for myself after a day of somewhat neglecting them can make me feel like a new woman, or at least a refreshed one.

emotional needs. sometimes it's been a day that has me feeling like i'm on the verge of tears pretty much nonstop because of the constant onslaught. as soon as i have a minute, i hide myself away and i read or watch something that i know will make me cry. sometimes i even just go to my friends and tell them i need some positive words about me reminding me i'm not a shit mom, horrible person, failure of a wife, etc etc etc depending on what it is that is weighing on me the most that day. oftentimes, their generous words are enough to make me cry and give me the emotional release i need. because see, i need to hear those things, but i also know i need to cry, and i oftentimes can't do that on my own. so i have a good cry and then i figure out what i feel like would help me most emotionally and do it. bake cookies, watch a cheesy chick flick, binge some west wing episodes, indulge in watching our flag means death or heartstopper again. maybe i need to read a soft fic that will show me that the characters can make it through hard times and come out stronger in the end too. maybe i need a soothing bath with a bath bomb or a nice sheet mask, and then i can take care of my physical needs and my emotional ones at the same time.

mental needs. sometimes i just need to STOP. for a long time, the way i took care of myself was i reminded myself i have control over SOMETHING, even if it isn't everything that's spiraling out of control or causing the actual issue. that often helps ground me, and that means i had to do a lot of stuff. i clung to it, honestly, and it helped me keep my sanity for ages, even as i not so slowly was thrust into burnout because of it. i'm still not sure i wouldn't do it again, honestly, because it got me through some of the hardest shit of my life, but also it's fucked me up to the point that i don't know how to relax anymore, and it's even manifesting physically. this means that oftentimes my mental needs revolve around having to force myself to stop and breathe. so whatever way i can actually force myself to do this, i do it. if i want to see a movie, i go to the theater where i am surrounded by the film and am much less likely to get distracted by anything. i also allow myself to info dump, usually on my husband and usually about whatever is going on in the fandom at that point lol i try to hold it in because most people in my real life don't care or don't want to listen to me talk about them that much, but there comes a time where i just need to give in to my autistic need to infodump to someone and it is the biggest burst of serotonin to be able to do that. basically, i have to find a way to trick my brain into allowing me to stop and breathe.

social needs. i... listen. my social needs are specific and come with a lot of strings attached these days. i'm an autistic adhd extroverted mother of three special needs kids and i also happen to have ptsd and social anxiety. like. my needs are met in very particular ways and i don't get them met often or enough haaaaaaa but sometimes i have to get out of my house. sometimes i need to just be around people who aren't going to make any demands of me and my time, who are going to let me just... parallel play, basically. lol so i feel like i'm getting interaction and like... physical nearness but in a way that's not even more draining. so i have very specific days and times this is done and i just make sure i get regular doses to keep myself sane and even when i feel guilty as shit, i still make myself take that time. hah

sensory needs. sometimes i get so overwhelmed all day from all the touch and all the sound and all the BAD mental stimulation that i have to cut myself off from it all. sometimes just going out in the garden outside is enough. listening to the birds and the bugs and the wind and the cars and such is so much more soothing than the kids fighting and crying and demanding all day hah but sometimes i also need GOOD stimulation. so i put on my sound cancelling headphones and i listen to an audiobook read by a soothing voice. i listen to my favorite songs. i listen to just WHATEVER I WANT. and change it WHENEVER I WANT.

basically, this got incredibly long and i'm so sorry for that, but i just. these are kinda like bandaids for me. they are tiny drops of water that i use to add something to my often so empty it is bone dry cup. they help me feel human and remind myself that i genuinely do still enjoy some things, if i only had the time and energy for them. there are still good things in life. they don't always make me feel happy, but they do make me feel satisfied and content. and honestly, these days? that's about the same thing for me.

but through all of this, i also have my big ticket items. the biggest of big ticket items for me is live music. i THRIVE in those spaces. my anxiety does too, though, and always has done, which is good to know now cause i'm finally on meds that make it so i don't get physically ill within an hour or two of leaving a performance or concert anymore, which is incredibly helpful. but i have to save up these items. i used to go to concerts all the time cause i was single or newly married and didn't have kids, the shows were cheap, and we had the money to spare. we... do not anymore. so i have to be picky. and that makes it hard because it means i don't get my regular intake of the experiences that are some of my favorite in this entire existence we live. but i splurge when its something i genuinely love, and that's louis. his shows hit on about 5 of my biggest priorities when it comes to concerts, from good vibes within the audience itself to good vibes from the artist to the actual physical vibrations i get in my chest cavity from the bass and the drums moving their way through me. so i do my best to make it to as many shows as i can, and just knowing i have those coming up can get me through a lot. a seriously awful, horrible, incredibly shit day can be slogged through because i know i have a louis show coming up at some point where i will be able to throw myself fully into his music and sing on the top of my lungs but still be drowned out by the music coming out of the speakers. they renew me. i went to three shows in one week and i was physically exhausted, but as soon as i sat down i told my therapist that i felt better than i have in probably a year after going to those three shows. it took a lot of energy i didn't have to make it work and be able to attend them, but i benefitted more than i realized i would.

and THAT is what i mean by a big ticket item. it's not necessarily something that is without sacrifice, but it's worth it because it fills you in ways these smaller things can't. YOU HAVE TO HAVE THESE BIGGER TICKET ITEMS TO LOOK FORWARD TO. it doesn't matter what it is. maybe it's a special meal at your favorite restaurant. maybe it's a road trip, or a long visit with a friend, or buying new nail polish or shoes or whatever it is that really fills you up in every way. make sure you always have something like that to look forward to.

like, i know that my shows will end, and be over with and that is kinda sad because once that happens, i don't have anything specifically to look forward to. but i do know that there will be more. i will have another concert to attend at some point, and hopefully it'll be louis'. just like i know there will be more, you have to train yourself to know there will be other big ticket items coming your way to help fill you too, but you have to also actually follow through with those too. make sure you are actually doing that for yourself. give yourself the refill your cup needs so badly.

SO.

tldr: for the short term fixes, assess what it is you/your body actually needs and do what you can to fulfill those needs. sometimes they aren't fun and they don't bring you joy, but the feelings of contentment and satisfaction that come from it can be just as fulfilling and do that much more to put you in a better place to take on what the next day will bring.

for the long term, always have something that is very fulfilling to your needs to look forward to and then follow through with it. the drops of water help, but only to keep you going until you can fully drink in the way your body craves. figure out what it is for you that allows you to really, deeply drink and make that a priority whenever possible.

GOOD LUCK NONNIE. i'm sending you the best vibes and want to give you all the hugs i can. xxxxx

#asks #Anonymous #long post #i'm so sorry this became a beast #its clearly something i'm passionate about and... well #sometimes ya just gotta infodump to show your love

[scarsmood]

Pluality

So plurality, It's a topic here and not something we brought up often until recently. I think it's about time to change that. we're going to go ahead and give a lengthy rundown on some common topics with plurality to the best of our abilities. This is going to be mainly focused on medicalized plurality since that's our experience. We can't and don't speak for every type of system. So let's get into it.



CPTSD

Plurality is complicated. It's an extensive and very effective coping mechanism for surviving trauma by breaking it apart into more manageable pieces. Trauma is very insidious it get's into everything and seemingly normal day to day occurrences can become extremely triggering. It's not uncommon to be reminded of trauma constantly by little things in day to day life. Someone experiencing healing from trauma is in a different state with their nervous system than someone without CPTSD or PTSD. DID is an extension of CPTSD it is a way to cope with trauma and attempts to break trauma into pieces to make it more manageable. So you'll notice i'll be mostly talking about CPTSD and PTSD in this talk because that's what DID is about. Using alters as a means of coping with CPTSD. So let's talk about nervous systems. Everyone has a vegas nervous system this is in charge of 5 responses in your body in reaction to perceived life threatening stimulus. fight, flight, freeze ,fawn, faint. The vegas nerve in particular is in charge of your body reaction. Increased heart rate, shaking hands, increased adrenaline, so you can be prepared to make an action whether thats fainting, fighting or fawning your nervous system prepares you. This is great in real conflicts. During an actual fight, during actually being hunted ect. The PTSD response only becomes an issue when during mundane and on threatening situations your vegas nervous sytem is still recognizing threats and preparing you for something that isnt happening. This is often why someone with CPTSD or PTSD will be confused about going into an episode because in part their conscious and subconscious arent on the same page. If your heart rate rises cause you saw a teddy bear that is linked to trauma. But you forgot. However your nervous system didnt. Your going to be stuck shaking wondering why this is happening now. Trauma therapy works in slowly teaching your nervous system this stimulation is now safe. You are not in danger. For example (silly intentionally as not to trigger anyone) I was playing minecraft with freinds. someone punches me. This is a game in real life i am not being punched. But my nervous system can't tell the difference and fires up the fight response. I proceed to punch them and burn their house down. They dont understand why I did this. I come out of it confused because I went into an emotional state. During these episodes it's not uncommon to be unable to think rationally or stop yourself fully because your brain is following your nervous system. "theres a threat! attack it until i stop sending this signal!" when my nervous system thinks the threat is eliminated i'll come out of it. with an disgruntled friend and me being confused. So we know the very basics of CPTSD that our vegas nervous system is spotting items and still conditioned from repeated abuse to not be able to relax. It's still in survival mode and trying to protect you from danger. Which is nice. But not what's needed at the moment. DID (its gonna be hard to read from here if you have DID or CPTSD yourself as an FYI I'd get water or something) So how does DID play into this? Well. Let's say you have repeated abuse of multiple types such as myself. I experienced emotional, physical, neglect and sexual. Hey thats a lot for a 3 year old. Sometimes when trauma is so intense and so painful we split ourselves up. We personally had trauma from the get go our therapist is of the opinion that your developing nervous system can be conditioned long before your conscious mind can be properly remembering events. so before you can speak possibly while your still in the womb to some extent if your mother for example has untreated PTSD their chemical signals are entering your body as well conditioning your body to also learn how to react to stimulus. if your interested in these theories google scholarly would be a good friend to do some further research. The point is though when you experience such extreme stress so early and so often your brain may not be able to "properly" develop. Children start as separate alternate states. As they grow up these states merge into one identity typically by the age of 5 or 6. After that your set! With DID the issue comes when either these states break apart again or never come together. In our case we never came together in the first place. So great DID is extreme CPTSD but how does it help? What is so extremely useful about DID is you cant remember all of your abuse at once. instead you flick through different states remembering different aspects but never all at once. This gives you the ability to live a pretty normal life while still surviving horrific trauma. Some people don't discover DID until their 50's or 60's. You can live your entire life and never know you have it. It's an extremely strong coping skill for some. It has its downsides though. Mainly the amnesia. some people may forget what they did yesterday however DID because states are flicking through whose "conscious" and who isnt like taking turns as the driver of a car. you may forget 6 months, a year, 2 years or 15. It isnt uncommon to completely not understand where you are, what's happening and think you are 6 years old again. The amnesia creates issues for functioning in a normal world. Most adult don't have time to set aside 3 days to be 6 years old again and stop all responsibilities. Therapy for DID is aimed at having these parts talk to each other. Not even sharing trauma necessarily because introducing trauma to parts made not to remember it when the system isnt ready is a terrible idea. The system is in control of how they manage their trauma and traumatic reactions. Amnesia is one of many reactions. There are a lot and this is already in addition to CPTSD so it gets confusing and chaotic quickly. alters are called alters because their defined as alternate states. One alter may be the state of being in fight mode from rape. One might be the state of being in flee mode from Physical abuse. One might be the state of doing day to day activities during a set time period like 4 years old. Each one doesn't necessarily have this pre-determined prophetic purpose. sometimes their just jim, the guy who can't move on from his physical abuse and has angry outbursts over it. alters can represent certain time periods in your life, specific lifesaving motivations you used or still use now, any variety of reasons your system personally found them incredibly useful. The list goes one. we personally have moved away from system labels because it was harmful for us. It may help others though. there are common archetypes in systems that have been named like little, protector, host, prosecutor are 4 common ones. So we know systems are different parts trying to cope with CPTSD. They are complex with no system being the same. The reason for alters are infinite there is not set way alters develop just that they are needed. part 2 soon heres some resources:

https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index/

https://did-research.org/home/glossary

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9w-Ro0exQk0&list=PLm56LzW0BA_P7-yL3rK7INZDDozTayJvJ

Resources below, these are some jumping off points to understand conversations and what's going on so to speak. Not necessarily 100% accurate but just enough to get an idea. This is all very very basic information 

#did #osdd #actuallydid #hit block limit

[potuzzz]

did u write that last post yourself? it’s brilliant. definitely some of the best stuff i’ve read online in a very long time. it called me out multiple times as well. i have a serious attitude problem, and i need to fix it. thanks for reminding me

Wow, thank you so much! Yes, I did.

That’s okay, because it calls me out too! I’m definitely plenty guilty of being dismissive, enraged, and focusing more on a Severe Burn to win e-points than I am actually asking myself what is the most constructive thing to win over people to socialism. Forget politics, some of my most precious personal relationships were almost lost to me because I was Being A Little Shithead and wouldn’t forgive and forget where it was important to do so, among other terrible behavioral issues I had due to a lifelong stint in this sick society. We are all raised to be this way and there is NO shame in failing to live up to a standard sometimes. I just want to make sure that fellow comrades have this standard to begin with!

Thanks for the compliment, it means a lot! Best wishes and best of luck for your internal battles, may we all strive to do the same as we all have a million little battles to fight!  ✊ ✊ ✊ 

[nicromancytarot]

Hello #2 here ! Sorry for the late feedback 😅

Your reading resonates a lot and I agree that my main trauma is being unheard, dismissed and it's old too

I've been through many things since my childhood till now and I grew up in a family that see emotions as weakness or expressing it and setting boundaries means that you are picking a fight. I was told to repress it and just move on every time there's something that hurt me or some obstacles in my life. They are also trying to change me as a person because being sensitive, vulnerable, emotional is wrong and they are thinking that I'm too weak emotionally and mentally and that I can survive in this world. So that's why I'm a burning building inside haha

You are right I have been giving so much of energy on so many things but didn't get the same energy back, nothing changes. Whether it's about my family or my illness. Worse part is I thought that I thought I found someone that finally understand me and listen to me but in the end he was thinking like my family and despite trying to make our relationship work for 10 years, he cheated on me.

So yeah you saw it right I'm more guarded now and my standards heightened. I'm an introverted person and only share my feelings to few people that I trust, what he did is a huge betrayal for me

But I agree with you, I need to find the right people for me so I can voice my feelings without fear and finally feeling heard.

Thank you so much for the reading and the advices, I'm really on my healing journey right now focusing on loving and finding myself. It's definitely hard and I'm scared about my future sometimes but I'm still hopeful

Also thank you for your encouraging words ! Wish you the best ❤

Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate your effort a lot!!

Being told to refrain from setting boundaries in your childhood can lead to chronic people-pleasing later in life, being told to stay away from sharing any emotions, or expressions can cause a deep wounded fear of vulnerability, so it makes sense that you feel as though your feeling are only internal for you, rather than expressed externally. It’s definitely important that you allow yourself to express how you feel, as long as it’s healthy, expression is cleansing to one’s soul and mind, you deserve to feel those emotions, and you can learn to address them.

I think your main issue is that you attract people who are like your family in order to try and rewrite the past, to make collectives that think like them, see you for who you are. Give yourself more attention than you give others, you have the right to put yourself above other people, as much as they can help you learn, they can hurt you even more. It’s important that you prioritise yourself. You being cheated on is no one’s fault but the person who cheated on you, it might give you some comfort to know that cheaters tend to cheat out of insecurity or lack of control, I can tell that you’re a new thinker, a wild mind and I assume that they felt as though they couldn’t “tame” you, and their insecurities got the better of them, so they resorted to infidelity in order to affirm control once again.

I’m so sorry that you went through that, no one deserves it. Pay attention to your mind and body, listen to what they wan to tell you and need to let you know. Our bodies hold onto so much trauma, and there’s probably so many things that remind you of your ex, therefore your body associates a certain thing with them, try to cleanse yourself of the things that are around you, people too.

Example: you started drinking alcohol at the same time as when you met your ex, alcohol releases endorphins that cause you to feel an intensified sensation, so the “high” that comes from drinking is now associated to your ex, every time you drink, your mind and body are reminded of him. Removing alcohol from your life can help you rewrite the memories that come along with it.

Your ideas, your voice and your mind is so powerful, you deserve to be heard and seen for who you are, and not who people want you to be. Find those who care for you and want to see you thrive.

So glad that I was able to help you with your healing journey, hopefully you’re able to heal from these issues and help yourself get better. Everyone has the right to be happy, so be sure to find what makes you feel amazing, do not suppress who you are out of fear of not being liked.

#feedback #tarot game

[a-n-x]

A Manifesto of Critical Thinking Skills as a Designer

In this rapidly developing world, I am not just a design practitioner, but also a social participant, a person who hopes to create a positive impact on society through design.

The design manifesto conveys the crystallization of my thinking and beautiful vision as a designer, and will also always remind me to move in a valuable direction.

My design vision is founded on the intersection of creative practice and critical thinking. Through my creative practice, I explore new design ideas to convey messages in unique ways. However, this does not mean that I blindly pursue originality, because critical thinking skills will allow me to take social phenomena and understand the root of the problem. Therefore, my design not only pursues artistry but also deeply reflects on and calls for social issues.

I respect the tradition of art, but I also dare to challenge it. I believe that we can draw inspiration from tradition and incorporate the wisdom of the past into contemporary design to create new sparks. I believe innovation is also part of heritage.

Regarding critical self-reflection, I know that design will not be perfect the first time but is a process of continuous improvement. I always maintain critical reflection on myself and constantly evolve. Design is a continuous learning process. Through critical self-reflection, I can learn from failures, constantly improve my design concepts, and improve my design level. Every attempt will be a growth.

Regarding artistic vision, as a designer, we should embrace diversity. Draw inspiration from different cultures and integrate diverse elements, because I understand that my design is not only an individual expression, but sometimes a universal language. At the same time, my design vision focuses on holistic human needs and emotions. My artistic vision is not only concerned with beautiful forms, but also the substantial impact of design on life. Design is not only my profession but also a creative medium for me to dialogue with society.

In my designs, creative practice and critical thinking blend, which I believe results in a unique design philosophy. Through this design philosophy, I look forward to leading society in a positive direction through my work.

A manifesto is a declaration of intent, usually the intent to bring radical change to the world. Throughout history many art movements have written manifestos, and it’s always a sign that things have gotten real.

As our manifesto states, creation and critical thinking go hand in hand, which I believe can give my designs more depth and impact, and bring real value.

I hope that my works are not isolated works of art, but products that can be integrated into society and provide practical help to the community and the public.

（420 words)

Reference :

#design #mixed media #creative #creative practice #critical thinking #artist #artwork #art #graphic art #digital art #designer #communication design #social issue #artistic vision

[mohhesham95]

Reset Button

Hello there! It's been a while. I miss writing, I truly do. It gives me some inexplicable joy. The past three years have been very turbulent for me. Starting with a world pandemic and then health problems for my favourite person in the world which scarred me without realising at the time, a failed relationship where I thought she was the love of my life and ending with me failing a very important career exam, twice. Pretty smooth, huh? I'm not the kind of guy who likes to complain or dwell on things. I like to always move forward and do better. But I feel drained, mentally and physically. I guess I gotta get used to adulthood. Life doesn't stop for your misery, apparently. Life has been hectic recently, and I feel like I need a break. I miss uni days, where I could just take a break, travel and explore some exotic country and then come back refreshed with a new apetite for life. I can't believe I just said that I miss uni days. Pretty ironic, that. I'm not writing this to feel sorry for myself. I want to vent all the emotions out so I can move on from all this. Seeing my mother struggling for her life took a lot out of me without realising. I couldn't let it out at the time. Everyone around me was struggling. It was unfair to them. The one person I really wanted to talk to was barely living. I didn't realise how much it affected me at the time because I was so focused on her recovery. Which I'm so grateful for. It was nothing short of a miracle. At the time, I was lost. I felt alone. That led me to a relationship which was not suitable for me. Not a bad person, just not suited for me. I found comfort in that relationship. It gave me hope. It gave me support. Everyone around me was concerned with multiple issues. Ironically, I was not blinded to those issues. I just thought that every relationship has its struggles and you gotta compromise sometimes. Which is true. But you can't compromise yourself. Which I unfortunately did. I put all my energy into this relationship, so it barely gave me any energy for anything else. I got far away from my family, my friends, and even my career. I didn't realise it at the time. I was trying to convince myself that I was happy, but I wasn't. I didn't want to admit that I was wrong. I didn't want to let go of all the memories. I didn't want to feel the same way again, like when my mother was sick. I didn't wanna feel alone, lost, and broken again. I was scared. I was scared to be alone. I was scared not to find someone who loves me. Maybe I still am. But at least now I have clarity, that I'm making the right decision. I was willing to compromise my happiness just not to feel that I let my partner down. I hate to feel that I let down people and she knew that. She pressured me to continue, just so I have to keep my word to her. Maybe I still let her down now, but I believe that heartbreak now is way better than me living with her while not happy. It was one of the most difficult decisions of my life, but I just had to do it. I just felt like I'm losing myself in her. I had to get myself back. Because I don't fail exams twice, that's not me. I don't treat my parents badly. I'm not a distant person. A good relationship should make you a better person. I was decieving myself that it was helping me become better, but it wasn't. I feel drained, but I wanna be better. I wanna make my parents proud. They never gave up on me even during the hardest of times. I'm so grateful for them. They deserve so much better from me. I'm determined to give them that. I'm writing this to remind myself that it will get better. I wanna go back to who I am. I wanna reset and start over. It's time to take a break, recharge, and then come back stronger and work harder than ever. I hope to start writing more often again. Hopefully, the next time we meet, I'll be in a much better place. Time to hit the reset button. See you soon!

[pr1nc3ssani]

5/11/23 8 PM - I'm in this moment . !!

For some reason, I feel like everything is falling into place. I feel like I hit rock bottom and I've been ascending ever since. It's a challenge, really. I felt stuck in a rut... but I feel that's just the beauty of the journey. Maybe that's my issue. I see beauty in everything- even the things that give me anxiety.

Right now, in this moment, I'm in a love-hate relationship with myself. I love myself just not as much as I did two weeks ago. I've been so focused on myself, blocking everyone out. It sounds like a good thing, but really all I'm doing in that time is being hyper critical of myself. Wondering what others are thinking. In a Youtube video I was watching, this person said you should only be comparing yourself to who you were yesterday. If I'm being honest, I don't remember who I was yesterday. I was probably high as shit, probably dancing. I probably drank a lot of soda and scrolled on Instagram till that got boring too. I probably locked myself in my room to ignore my family. It's crazy the feelings I've been experiencing. As much as I value alone time, I've always valued family time more. Recently I just want to be alone. I'm sure I need it. It's exam season and I'm exhausted. I'm sure drugs don't help my self-esteem. I'm not proud of smoking. I hate the sluggish feeling it gives me during the day, but I do it anyways. I'm unsure if it's habit or just because it makes everything funny. After it fades, I always regret it.

I wish I could still be able to call myself smart. I feel like a dummy nowadays. At first, I didn't care. I was happy... I felt happy and not stressed for the first time in a long, long while. But stress motivates me and it's like when I'm not stressed (TOO RELAXED OFF THE ZA) I just don't have a care in the world. So, I forget to study. I procrastinate and relax. It's nothing I haven't done before. I was never a perfect student. Average or above average at best grades. Terrible attendance. Special plan for extra time on exams. One thing you couldn't call me was dumb. I always aced my exams and tests regardless of how badly I was failing the class. I'm blessed to have parents that don't define me by my grades. Instead, I have parents that define me by my looks.

My grandpa (on my dad's side), the other day, said something to me that almost made me cry. I got into the car because for the first time in yeaaarsss he was taking me to school. I reached for my makeup bag, and he told me I didn't need it. He said I was beautiful. My parents call me beautiful too... when I'm wearing makeup. Actually, if I wait too long to put on my makeup before school, my parents will REMIND me to put it on. LOL... I know they do it because they want me to feel good too, but sometimes it hurts knowing I won't be a natural beauty... not to them at least. The only time I can say I was beautiful without makeup was at the beach on my birthday. When a beach guy told me im "cute asf." It boosted my ego, obviously. And another guy tried to get my Instagram! I don't know what energy I was radiating that day, but Ik felt ugly as shit without makeup. Those two interactions made me feel like maybe I am beautiful without makeup. But then that doubt creeps in and it's telling me I'm crazy for even thinking I'm anything but a dumb toy.

Maybe it's the things I've experienced weighing me down, but I wish I could just erase the negativity. I may not remember who I was yesterday, but I know two weeks ago on a specific day I bawled my eyes out and then felt like a bad bitch. Where'd that energy go?!? I'll get it back. This is the lowest I've felt in a while... but at least I'm blessed. I have so many things to be grateful for and I just don't acknowledge them. Each day passes me by. Earlier I was thinking to myself about why people would say things like "Each day is the same I'm tired of it." My days were never the same! They still aren't (sometimes) but they feel that way when you're high... or maybe that's just me doing the same things every time I smoke. Maybe this is all stemming from guilt for relaxing. I can't help my Youtube addiction !!!

Anyways, these recent months have been a rollercoaster. I feel like I lost myself and found a piece of me, lost myself again, now I'm trying to find my whole self. Like I'm losing then winning then losing, but now I'm on the up! It's just a mindset, really. I have to change my thoughts. I don't think I'm made to be perfect although I wish I could be. All this pressure I put on myself to be great is so unnecessary, but I can't lie, I'd be far worse without it. Like imagine if I was so relaxed all the time. I can't actually tell if I know how to love anymore. It sounds angsty but the cheesy romance stuff doesn't get to me. It almost feels far from me. Same with kindness and compassion for others like my friends and family. It doesn't even feel like second nature like before... I just feel like I lost that part of myself. Obviously, this is no way to live. But, writing all this down makes me realize I haven't lost that part of myself, it's just being suppressed. I never placed so much value on my appearance before. I'm definitely not the only thing in the world. At least I'm self-aware enough to know my mindset, it's not healthy. I should be appreciating every second of life.

Actually, I almost cried in class the other day too (Ik im like rlly sensitive.) because of "The Case Against Adnan Syed" show. My teacher plays it for us in class and there was a clip of Hae Min Lee before she passed (look her up if u dont know) and said in her diary that life was fleeting. It struck my heart strings. I'm sure I'm not living my best life right now. I should get my act together.

#mini rant #diary #digital diary #tumblog #tumblrpost #vent post #mindset #confidence #self love #self esteem #expression #conscious #laws #Journal #Pink #Princess

[soulofarat]

eating disorders need to be handled differently. Im going off, sorry in advance.

In high school, i was sat down with the rest of my health class, instructed by our gym teacher. This is where i had my “education” about eating disorders, though i was dealing with one secretly. 

He talked about them as if they were a crime. He told us how to know if someone has an ed (they’ll wear baggy dark clothing, they’ll avoid food), and to tell on them. He told us it’s for women only. We made jokes about it. We had to watch a terribly inaccurate movie portraying eating disorders.

This movie was full of tips on how to hide an ed that i remember 7 years later. He must not have interpreted it that way. 

I learned to be a better liar and i learned that people will hate me and pity me and find me revolting and call me ignorant and force feed me with a tube in a hospital if they ever found out. 

So i kept quiet. 

When i was 16 and my family found out i was purging, they sat me down intervention style and SCREAMED at me. My uncle, my aunt, and my grandmother all sat at a table and yelled at me about my biggest secret. They called me gross, immature, and compared me to my birth mother who struggled with the same thing.

They made me feel some of the most intense shame i’d ever felt. I felt stripped naked.

They took away my coping mechanisms (internet, tumblr account, certain TV shows, scale). They didn’t allow me to heal by choice or leave my coping mechanisms behind on my own because they thought my ed was a silly girl thing that I could quit whenever. But it wasn’t ever that simple.

Without my coping mechanisms, I turned to self harming.

To this day, the memory makes me shudder and reminds me to distrust them. They handled it horribly.

PEOPLE NEED TO STOP HANDLING THIS HORRIBLY. NOW.

The only thing that ended up helping was when i was forced to go to therapy. I was resistant at first. But my therapist was educated on the topic, took me seriously, and helped me handle my ed safely to slowly and comfortably to recover rather than shame me to shreds so i could stop being a nuisance. 

Recovering took YEARS. It was not a simple decision like everyone told me it should be. But even with my current relapse, I know how to be safe about this and how to avoid hurting myself.

Here’s what i wished they told me in high school.

Eating disorders are treatable. You are not too far gone to try to get better.

Someones weight is not an indicator of whether or not they have an eating disorder. Anyone, regardless of size or shape or weight, can be dealing with an ed.

NEVER lower your goal weight.

Eating disorders will manipulate you. They are not funny, they are not cute, they are not just for girls: they can affect anyone and they want to hurt you. Eating disorders are not your friend, even though it will sometimes feel like it. 

Bottom line: at the end of the day, there aren’t many endings to this aside from recovery or death.

Eating disorders can stem from other problems in a person’s life possibly regarding a lack of control, mental health issues, or other personal struggles that aren’t really centered around the way one looks. It is putting one “controllable” thing (your body) into your own hands and making it the center of your life so that the other uncontrollable problems don’t take up as much space in your head.

In other words, an eating disorder is typically a SYMPTOM of something else. Trying to “fix” someone by focusing on the eating disorder alone can just make the person turn to something else to cope (alcohol, drugs, impulsive buying, sex, anything addictive.) I turned to self harming.

Focusing on the ED alone is the equivalent of pulling weeds out, but leaving the roots.

You don’t have to drop your ED all at once! It can be slow. You may have relapses. But you can do it at a comfortable pace. As long as you recognize that you have to try eventually.

Having an eating disorder shouldn’t be such a shameful thing. No wonder people rarely try to get help on their own when it’s framed as a joke or when people can handle it so horribly. 

It needs to stop. 

We need knowledgeable people in schools teaching students these things so we can create more understanding eventual adults and overall, a less stigmatized culture. 

#long post #eating disoder things #ana #mia #not pro just using tags #pro ana #pro mia #safe ana #be safe #recovery #ana recovery #mia recovery #my posts #trauma #death mention #eating disorder #binge eating disorder #binge #ed

[adhd-asd]

Anonymous asked: "i have ADHD and ASD, I don’t know if they really play a role in my difficulty to write scripts or outlines, but it seems like whenever i want to start a story project and visualise it into writing and art, it just…..doesn’t work? Like, i have story ideas, but the way they come out never meet my satisfaction or, at least, the way i write them, feels too restricting and….i don’t know?

writing scripts, the dialogue feels very bland and tedious - writing outlines is fine for me but i put too much thought into them to the point they are restricting. but, also, when i try to make up a story as i go with a basic plot in mind, i lose a massive sense of direction if i don’t have an outline or script. and i just feel very, very stuck."

If you're just looking for a short-form list of tips and tricks that might help make creating easier, I have a post here that offers advice on writing with ADHD that you may find helpful.

However, I found this question really interesting and wanted to do a more in-depth exploration of the topic of creating with ADHD/ASD and the difficulties that can come with that, as well. I have a lot of thoughts on the topic as an ADHD/ASD creator myself, so it got quite long, but I hope you might find some of them interesting or useful.

-

Do ADHD/ASD Play a Role?

Firstly, I believe that my ADHD and ASD affect just about every part of my life, including my creative process, and I imagine the same is likely true for you. It's entirely plausible (and I would even say likely) that they're playing a part in the conflict you feel when trying to create.

That being said, I also believe that there are ways we can accommodate or work around our unique challenges rather than putting effort into trying to overcome them or letting them get us down. I also don't think your difficulties are exclusively a result of ADHD/ASD, either, and I'll be discussing both points in more detail below.

-

On Meeting Your Own Expectations

I think, at least to some extent, your first paragraph could apply to most creators, regardless of ADHD/ASD.

Very rarely do I find that my works end up matching what I visualise in my mind, and it can often be frustrating and demotivating when what I produce seems inferior to the hypothetical version I had planned or envisioned. And I've seen this same sentiment expressed by a lot of artists and writers.

When those feelings crop up, I try to remind myself that it's okay, nobody else has seen the hypothetical 'perfect version' of what I was trying to create that's in my mind, and they'll be judging the work on its own merits instead. I think an important part of being a creator is consciously working on accepting that things will almost never go exactly as envisioned, and that's okay. It's not a reason to abandon the work, and the more you keep creating, the more practice you'll have getting your ideas down.

It's definitely easier said than done, but as with all creative pursuits, feeling beholden to perfection will ultimately prevent you from getting anything done or growing as a creator, and sometimes you have to just let things go and keep moving forward. A work doesn't have to be perfect to have value and be worthy of praise.

-

On Perfectionism

All that being said, I wouldn't be at all surprised if your ADHD and ASD were compounding on this common experience to a degree. It's very common for people with ASD to be inflexible and extremely detail-oriented, and many an ADHDer can struggle with perfectionism (which I've briefly discussed in the second half of this post). Falling into the trap of obsessively tweaking things until they're just right is pretty easy.

The good news is that I think when you're aware that these are pitfalls you're likely to experience, you can better notice them and implement measures to help you work around them. Better understanding your symptoms and being kind to yourself when you experience them can make the situation less hostile, and researching how to cope with/compensate for them could help not only with your creative process, but other areas of life as well.

-

On Finding Your Creative Process

A big part of creating is finding a process that works for you.

Some people plan in meticulous detail while others fly by the seat of their pants; some prepare outlines and tough drafts and follow the steps in order and others bounce around and make it up as they go.

From the way you're describing things, it sounds like your current process isn't working for you, and you may benefit from changing your approach to creating entirely. You already seem to be consciously aware of the parts that are causing the most difficulty and frustration for you, so the next step is to brainstorm how to modify them to make your creativity more accessible to you.

I, for example, write scenes out of order and constantly go back and add to them as I get new ideas. I also draw my lineart in random sections, moving on to a new one anytime I get bored (even if the current section isn't finished) until it eventually comes together like a patchwork quilt. These are some ways I've found to keep things interesting and keep me engaged in the work, and they may seem weird, but they sure do work!

-

So Let's Do Some Brainstorming

If you overthink your outlines and then feel stifled by them, try deliberately limiting how much detail you allow yourself to include. It's not an 'all or nothing' situation, and you can practise and experiment with varying document layouts and amounts of detail until you've found something that feels more approachable.

If you're currently writing paragraphs, try bullet points, or a flow chart, or sticky notes that you can rearrange. If you plot out every detail, try starting with only the most major events so you always have some direction for where the story is going but still allow for more freedom and creativity. If you spend hours on an outline, try setting a timer so you only have a set amount of time for each point.

And remember that you can change your outline as you go! If you're so caught up in following your outline that it's stifling your creativity, maybe it's an issue of perspective rather than process. Remind yourself that your outline is a tool to help you and that you're free to adjust it whenever it's not serving its purpose.

I don't know what your current process looks like so maybe these specific examples aren't helpful to you, but hopefully they can illustrate how to look at the areas where you're getting stuck and find a way to change them so that they suit your needs. Even if it seems unconventional or doesn't align with the process other people use or have told you to use, it's important to do what works for you.

-

In Summary / TL;DR

Creativity in general often comes down to experimenting until you find a method/process/style that works for you, and that's true for anyone. It's also true that art rarely goes exactly as planned, and sometimes you just have to accept that you've done well enough and move on.

But when you're a creator with ADHD/ASD, it can be extra difficult to do so because of our unique challenges related to internal motivation, perfectionism, and staying focused and flexible. Being aware of your symptoms and the challenges that they might present, and specifically tailoring your workspace and process to account for them while being kind to yourself when you find yourself struggling, can allow you to create with a lot less frustration.

None of these changes will happen instantaneously, but hopefully being aware of them and making the effort over time will help you to start seeing a difference in your work. Good luck!

#adhd #asd #actually adhd #actually autistic #autism #Brady answers #tips

[ethernetchord]

lets talk: popular iwwv criticism

(disclaimer: i know criticism is subjective and thats why im doing this, i wanna look at some common points made against iwwv and dissect them just a little bit in the opposite direction. also none of this is directed at any individual- it’s all based on the general talking points i’ve seen surrounding the book.)

SPOILER WARNING !!

lack of exploration into james and oliver (+ gay characters feel performative)

i’ve seen loads of people say that oliver and james’ relationship felt very performative, a way of including the queer romnce which clearly is very important to the plot but not actually giving it any space in the novel, nor developing it to the same extent which meredith/oliver was.

oliver and meredith had a very strictly physical relationship and while he did love her, he wasn’t in love with her the way he was with james. the juxtaposition in the way that oliver/james is delivered and the way meredith/oliver is delivered is, i believe, far too repetitive to not be intentional. i actually realised upon re-reading how much focus there really is on meredith’s sexuality, even in subtleties in the book. meredith and oliver get more blatant sex scenes, get more physical parts because oliver was (to an extent) using his attraction to meredith to distract himself from his infatuation with james.

we also have to remember that oliver and james didn’t get their real moment of honesty about their relationship till extremely late into the book. i’d honestly see it as more ‘performative’ to then after or in the middle of kind lear throwing in some wild sex scene between the two. it wouldn't have fit.

“why didn’t james and oliver get together earlier then >:(((“ because the slow burn between them, the subtext, the subtle-ness, the yearning, they were all crucial to the decision which oliver made at the end. the fact that they burned so bright for each other but (oliver particularly) were so desperately repressed, that was what made this such a tragic romance. yes its tiring to read stories about queer people being repressed, yes its tiring to see the bury your gays trope. but like oliver says, it goes beyond gender.

if oliver’s second love interest was a girl, and treated this way, we’d be a lot more on board with these tropes- but the fact that james is a man, and this therefor becomes a queer relationship, makes it feel performative. i can’t convince you of anything- but i like to believe that their relationship being treated like this not only makes it so much more “heart wrenching because why! why couldn’t it work out, why couldn’t it be better!” - not because its a queer relationship but because they were soulmates.

alexander wasn’t performative. not in the slightest, rio just didn’t make being gay his entire identity. same goes for colin. just because they’re queer doesn’t mean it needs to be the only thing about them. this isn’t a lgbt novel- characters dont have to be gay just for plot. they can just be gay.

i’ve also seen people complain about not just making oliver bisexual. guys. did you read the book? he was bisexual. he was emotionally and physically attracted to both meredith and james. guys that’s literally what bisexual means.

i'm totally on board with the coming out scenes! and realisation of feelings and all that stuff- but again, not an lgbt centric novel and also- these were things oliver probably did and realised far before this book. remember that its set in 4th year, at an art school. he knew he was fruity ok. not every queer character in every queer book have to have these grandious coming out scenes or realisations. the lack there of doesn’t equal performance.

the ending was rushed and bad

believe what you will, but i don’t think james is dead. there’s a little too much ambiguity in that ending, in the extract he leaves oliver, in the “his body was never found.” so if your main quarrel with the ending is that “bury your gays” situation- please know there’s a chance- and that giving it that chance opens up so much more discussion and reader response.

yes, the ending is sad. but it’s not rushed. “but that is how a tragedy like ours or king lears breaks your heart- by making you believe the ending might still be happy until the very last second.” doing king lear, doing macbeth, doing romeo and juliet, the plays are chosen not only for reader convenience (they’re plays readers will most likely be familiar with) but also because they all, so very deeply, foreshadow a “bad” ending. killing james, makes sense. as much as people don’t want to hear it, from an authorial perspective- from the reader’s perspective and as a human being it makes sense. why do keep arguing that he “should’ve stayed alive for oliver” or that “if he really loved oliver he wouldn’t have done it” - why are we limiting a character’s entire existence down to their love interest. yes, they were best friends, yes they were set up as lovers but that doesn’t mean that that would be enough to keep james around. james was a fragile character- he was always checking with oliver if he had upset him, he was always worried, overthinking, james wasn’t strong minded- and he was suffering. the only person he had left to depend on was in prison, he was plagued with the guilt of causing the death of a classmate and letting oliver take the blame, if he did kill himself, it sure as hell doesn’t have any reason to sound forced.

“its not nearly as good as the secret history!!!!”

to be honest here buds, why the fuck do we keep comparing them so insistently. they are not the same book. iwwv wasn’t trying to be tsh 2.0, yes there are similarities because hey! guess what! books in similar genres tend to do that! always comparing it tsh when they have different motives, different plots and vastly different execution makes no sense. the only reason that they are compared is because tumblrtm dark academics like to group the two together. and yea- makes sense, but stop trying to belittle iwwv because it isn't as grandiose as tsh, because it’s a little more literal, because it’s not as intertextual as tsh. half the people saying iwwv isn’t as good as tsh are practically just subtly going “shakespeare isn’t as complicated as ancient greek huehue” stop forcing the two together and let them be separately appreciated.

the characters were flat/archetypes/etc

sigh. okay.

these characters are actors. this book shows us their transition from themselves entirely into a conjunction of the roles they’ve played and the stereotypes they’ve portrayed.

“we were so easily manipulated - confusion made a masterpiece of us.”

“for us, everything was a performance”

“imagine having all your own thoughts and feelings tangled up with all the thoughts and feelings of a whole other person. it can be hard, sometimes, to sort out which is which.”

“far too many times i had asked myself whether art was imitating life or if it was the other way around”

“it’s easier now to be romeo, or macbeth, or brutus, or edmund. someone else.”

are you seeing it now? this focus on their archetypes, this focus on the character they are; the way they see themselves not merely as human but as a walking concoction of every character they have turned into and out of. they depend on their archetypes to give them meaning. rio uses these archetypes to remind us of the submersion of her characters. they weren’t flat, their intentional lack of dimension due to their pasts is what makes them so intricate. furthermore, there's an evident subversion- the tyrant becomes a victim, the hero becomes a villain (they all become villains really), the ingenue becomes corrupted. like mentioned before, i think we forget ourselves easily reading this book but there is a great deal of emphasis on this being their last year- which is so important. the damage has been done and a lot of the issues people have with the content (or lack thereof) in this book has to do with the fact that it’s all things that would have occurred in books focusing on previous years at delletcher.

“it didn't live up to expectation” (also leading on from read tsh to this and being ‘disappointed’)

i cant argue this because its entirely subjective. whatever expectation was created for you, i cannot know that and appropriately respond however- if you liked the secret history and understood the secret history then there's a good chance you also liked and understood this book- even if not to the same extent but you must be able to recognize the authorial approach and its significance. i think a lot of ppl read iwwv (and a lot of “dark academia” texts and films) and hope to be able to romanticize the aesthetic or the concepts and then are disappointed when they are presented with mildly unlikeable and overwhelmingly human characters who aren’t easy to romanticize.

a great majority of these books are criticisms of the very culture you’re trying to romanticize, and the only time you’re willing to admit that is when boasting about the ‘self-awareness’ of the people indulging in them, and then a moment later complain about those same qualities because they don’t serve this idealized expectation.

bad rep for arts/liberal arts/ humanities students as being pretentious/cultish

as a humanities student with a great love for eng lit- all of these things are indeed pretentious and cultish. not all the time and not always and not every person- but it is a common theme. academia is overwhelmingly obsessive and extremely white-washed. people become so fast to believe that they are indulging in finer arts and are therefore a higher standard of person. academia is problematic. and the recent influx of people interested in it is good, very good because hopefully, we’ll be more diverse, more open-minded, more accepting. that's what i hope at least. if you know, as an individual, that you’re not a pretentious academic who places themselves above non-academics then that's wonderful- but there are dangers and negative sides to academia that need to be understood so that we can see to not perpetuating them.

i cant refute all points, mostly because there's a lot of good and well-explained criticism because no book is perfect. and my intentions are not to belittle anyone's opinion. these are merely opposing arguments, food for thought and to be fair- a critical look into why not everything is always going to be what we expect of it and why every ‘problem’ can be assessed.

#iwwv #if we were villains #iwwv critism #book review #tsh #dark academia #fanart

[everyonesfavoritelesbowrites]

RATLD Headcanons pt. 4

Fears and insecurities

Raya and Namaari both have nightmares of the betrayal in Heart.

During those six years, Namaari can't remember a night where she didn't have a nightmare. Almost all of them of the betrayal.

Having to be careful, Raya learned to sleep very lightly. The smallest amount of noise will make her spring into action. So she didn't get into deep sleep often, but whenever she did she would get nightmares as well.

While Namaari's dreams were mostly focused on her betraying Raya and it going a bit too far. Raya's dream were of her Ba or Namaari going too far.

With more interactions with each other throughout the years came more dreams

Namaari would have dreams where in a fight one would kill the other. Raya would dream similarly, but a lot of them would focus around the Druun.

Raya has many dreams of the Druun getting her, (sometimes getting Namaari but she didn't understand why it got her all worked up).

Namaari would sometimes dream of Fang's famine 100% worse and watching everyone die while she lives in Luxury. (Although she also grew up with not enough food, leaving her a malnourished child)

After the event in Spine, Namaari consistently dreams that she kills Raya instead of Sisu intervening.

She also had dreams of killing Sisu and Sisu not coming back or she would come back and blame her\revenge.

Raya dreams of the fight in Fang's throne room where instead she didn't hesitate and kills Namaari.

Raya also has a hard time sleeping in an actual bed once everything is back to "normal". She's so use to sleeping in trees or caves or against TukTuk that it's accutally too soft.

Raya also wakes up constantly, worried she'll be Druun food or just hearing the smallest noise.

One day she just can't take it anymore and goes for a walk, where she runs into Namaari who looks like she's having a panic attack.

"What are you doing out here, princess Undercut- woah, are you okay?"

They end up telling the other about their dreams and how the beds are too soft for Raya and somehow they end up in the same bed having the best sleep they have ever had.

If they are together it just becomes an unspoken routine where they will sleep together to have a peaceful nights sleep.

They almost always end up in each other's arms but they don't talk about that

Chief Virana and Chief Benja thinking they are sleeping together, like sleeping sleeping together and are surprised when they find out they aren't even dating yet

They wake up when the other has a nightmare and comfort them.

"You're okay."

"Just breath."

"I'm still alive, see? You didn't have the guts to actually kill me."

"Look at me."

"Do you need to go for a walk?"

"We can talk to Sisu if you want."

Raya wonders why Namaari's room is so... empty so she tries to ask her in a way where she can just play it off as a joke if Namaari gets uncomfortable

But Namaari tells her

Namaari tries to not get sentimental to any objects because she's afraid she'll lose them and the events that happened after giving her Sisu necklace to Raya haunt her.

She keeps any sentimental items she gets stored safely away so she won't lose them. It's mostly drawings kids make her or things Raya leaves behind

She also feels guilty to have such an extravagant room, to live in such luxury, when her people have a major homelessness problem. This goes side by side with her food insecurities, although she was pretty malnourished as a child.

She also thinks she deserves to be lonely, not that she already does did feel lonely, but making her room bare helps give her that feeling that she doesn't deserve anything. She thinks this is fair considering her past.

Raya is understanding but also is loosing her mind over Namaari being so hard on herself.

Raya tries to sneak some things into Namaari's room. It first disappears quickly, Namaari tucking them away for safe keeping but after a while, she tries to just let them stay.

She worries constantly, ending up just staring at whatever Raya brought in this time. Perhaps if she engraves it into her memory, she won't worry if she loses it.

It takes a while, but Namaari eventually gets to the point where she won't feel sick not putting things away. She can just let it be with only a few thoughts of worry.

Raya becoming comfortable enough to sleep through the smallest of sounds, but she's never going to not wake up to sounds, it's just too engraved into her.

Namaari smiling when Raya doesn't wake up from a small bird outside the window.

A storm comes around one night in Heart when Namaari is visiting. Raya wakes up from a loud boom of thunder and finds Namaari literally shaking.

Namaari is scared of Thunderstorms, or more specifically loud noises send her into panic.

She has trained herself to not panic when there's a single or just a few loud noise/s, but if it's consistent she just can't handle it.

Raya, unable to sleep anyway, comforts Namaari and tries to distract her.

"We could spar."

"I can ask Sisu if her brother can make it stop."

"Tell me about the things you learned about Dragons as a kid."

"Remember when [moment]?"

"When I was 15, I [tells crazy story]."

"Let's go get [Serlot name], I bet she'd love to cuddle!"

"What do you think makes the noise of thunder?"

"Hey, I thought you weren't scared of anything, dep la. How can I make you flinch like that?"

"I wish I was the one making you shake like that." "What?" "Nothing! Tell me about your cat!"

"Under the blankets, Undercut."

"Shut up thunder!"

Namaari not seeing Raya eat any food when she comes to Fang and asking who made a dish when she's in Heart.

Sisu mentions something about poison and it just clicks.

Namaari hands Raya a dish in Fang, taking her own bite right in front of her first. "Just checking for poison."

After a few times of doing this, Raya ends up confessing to being posioned when she was 13. Namaari understands and keeps tasting food for her and even starts cooking for them right in front of her.*

"Don't forget to check for poison." "Of course, dep la."

"I didn't take you for a cook, let alone a good one." "It's better than your Jackfruit jerky, that's for sure."

Namaari admits to refusing to eat meals given to her unless she pays, otherwise she has to make it herself.*

Raya telling her that she paid for foods in Heart for Namaari, even if it's a slight lie. She's the princess, she kinda gets whatever she wants.*

Namaari paying Boun after they watch him cook for them

Raya gets separation anxiety, worrying that her Ba turned to stone again although it's not posible. She even worries for Namaari but she won't admit to that

Namaari reminds her that her Ba is fine and it helps

Her Ba also comforting her about it ofc

"If anyone will turn to stone, it'll probably be me not your Ba." this doesn't help but she won't tell Namaari she has dreamt of her being stone as well

Namaari accidentally hurting Raya during a Spar and she like breaks. She refuses to talk to her and avoids her because she feels horrible and it reminds her of Spine and Fang's Throne room.

Raya ends up cornering her and is afraid she did something wrong but Namaari admits that she's beating herself up for hurting her and Raya's heart swells and breaks at the same time.

"I've done worse to myself."

"It's literally nothing."

"It won't even scar."

Raya also hates to hurt Namaari.

"Fuck! I'm so sorry! Here, get me so it's fair!"

"I didn't mean to, I swear."

"If it does scar, it'll look sexy..." "What?" "I mean awesome, it'll look awesome. You're not sexy at all."

Raya notices Namaari acting strange around Sisu and asks about it. Namaari explains how whenever she looks at Sisu or even hears her or someone mentions her, the memory of shooting her replays in her head. She explains how she has nightmares about it and hates herself for it.

Raya comforts her by explaining how it wasn't her fault, or at least not entirely. Raya admits how she should have trusted Sisu.

"It's all in the past, we can't do anything about it, Namaari."

"I feel like I have to make it up to her... to everyone." "You literally saved the world but go all out I guess."

Raya stages an "intervention" for Namaari, bringing Sisu to talk to her so they both can make it better for Namaari.

"Don't you hate me?" "No! Why would I!?"

"I don't hold it against you, Namaari."

"What can I do to make it up to you?" "You don't have to do anything! You already saved the world!"

"Well... You could hang out with me more often."

Afterwords, the tension is much better but it takes a bit longer for Namaari to really open up with Sisu.

Namaari also ends up taking with Chief Benja about trying to take the gem. He's too understanding.

"I understand if you despise me, Chief Benja." "I don't."

"If I was in your position, I would have probably done the same to be honest..."

"If I had known your nation was in famine..."

"I don't blame you, it would have happened either way. It was just simply a matter of who and when."

Namaari only feeling intimidated by three people. Her mother, Chief Benja, and Sisu. Maybe Raya when they were fighting but not anymore.

Raya having issues letting people in. Mostly on instinct.

She gets defensive immediately.

"Why do you [add something here]?" "Wouldn't you like to know, weather boy Benturi." *Silence* "I'm sorry, [explains]."

"Dewdrop, what have you been up to?" "None of your business- fuck, i'm sorry, Ba. I was sparring with Namaari."

"Are you okay?" "Who cares?" "...... I do?" "Right, sorry, I'm good."

"Where did you get that scar?" "Minding my own fucking business- I mean, I tripped on a rock accutally." *Namaari still processing*

Raya eventually gives in but it takes a while and a lot of comfort from Namaari and sisu but whatever

*I elaborated on this before

#ratld headcanons series #ratld #rayamaari #raya and the last dragon #raya #namaari #sisu #ratld headcanons #headcanon #headcanons

[justanothersyscourse]

I Don’t Like PluralPride (Rant?)

I don’t like the reason it was created. PluralPrideWeek was created as a giant “FK U” to DID/OSDD systems. 

Tell me, why would a non-disordered system, some of which claim to have purposefully created their systems (and thereby any issues worth recognizing), get a week’s worth of recognition? Why was it too much to ask for one day focusing on the problems and issues that DID/OSDD systems face daily? One day of recognition for the strength we show, and the traumatic things we’ve been through and the stigmas and conditions we’ve overcome? Why couldn’t we have that? Why does it now get dwarfed by a week’s pride for each type of “non-disordered” or “endogenic” system? And don’t let them fool you-- “Traumagenic”, I’ve recently found out, doesn’t include DID/OSDD in their minds. Traumagenic systems are systems formed from trauma that don’t consider themselves disordered (which is so messed up to me and I’ve made so many posts on that already, I’m not getting into it again). Traumagenic does not include DID/OSDD systems.

So much for inclusivity, right? We don’t get a week’s worth of pride. But we’re the ableist ones, asking for our one day. 

Beyond the reason for its creation, I also don’t like the attitude of people who celebrate it. I think they celebrate plurality for the wrong reasons. I am not proud of my system. I’m not proud of what happened to us. I’m not proud of the reasons I have this disorder. I’m not proud of needing help with every single overwhelming task, getting booted back from the front when I experience even the tiniest shred of anxiety or apprehension. 

I’m filled with shame. Sometimes I feel broken. I’m embarrassed to admit I’m a system because it also means admitting that disgusting, terrible things happened to me and I couldn’t handle it. That I’ve been “used goods” since childhood. I wasn’t strong enough to shoulder it myself. I couldn’t face my problems head on, myself. I needed someone else to. 

My alters are not the reason I’m disordered. My trauma is. 

I don’t like that PluralPride has been extended beyond that week-- that PluralPride is now akin to “showing off” your alters and your experiences.  Thread after thread after thread on tumblr and twitter of, “FIRST TIME FRONTING, GOING TO THE STORE, I’LL BE LIVE-STREAMING/LIVE-TWEETING, FOLLOW ALONG FOR THE RIDE!” My disorder isn’t a spectacle, but that’s what they’ve made it out to be, and I hate it. Overt systems terrify me at this point. When someone fronts, none of us want to admit that they have no idea what basics to pick up for the house and family. I don’t want to admit that they have no concept or understanding of personal space or common courtesy. I’ve had alters that have gone shopping and flat out butted in line, or gotten in argument with other customers and cashiers-- I’m not proud of that?! Why would I be? 

Endogenics almost make me feel like LESS of a system-- like I’m less than human, even. How do they have so much control? How can a fun trip to the market go so smoothly and get so many likes and retweets? Meanwhile, one of my alters got looked at the wrong way and shoved someone for it because that alter perceives everything and everyone as a threat. What’s wrong with us? 

Honestly, nothing is wrong with us, I just need to keep reminding myself that we’re not experiencing the same things.

But how can I tell myself that when every time I point it out, they kick back with, “FILTHY SYSMED, BE MORE INCLUSIVE, STOP GASLIGHTING US, WE’RE JUST AS VALID AS YOU, WHAT “RESOURCES” ARE YOU TRYING TO KEEP TO YOURSELF THAT YOU CAN’T ACCEPT NON-DISORDERED PLURALS INTO YOUR SPACES? JUST GET/MAKE MORE RESOURCES, THERE’S NO REASON WE CAN’T HAVE ENOUGH TO GO AROUND.”

I hate that when I talk about the things I’m experiencing and the way that I sometimes feel ashamed, I’m accused of having “singlet-envy”. Yeah, you know what? I wouldn’t mind never having developed this disorder. I’m here now, and I’m proud of how far we’ve come, and I wouldn’t change a single thing, but... If I was singlet, I certainly wouldn’t seek this life out purposefully. I have no desire to get my HR and managers in a room and tell them I want to be openly “plural” at work (this is an ongoing thread on twitter) and want a specialized nametag so everyone can always know who’s fronting and I can always be called by the “right” name. My mom doesn’t know about us, and I don’t want her to. She did her best with what she had to work with, I don’t want her to know that despite her best efforts, she failed us horribly. I don’t want anyone except my closest friends to know. I don’t mind singlets missing the cues and not realizing, because I just want to be me, and live as normal of a life as possible. 

PluralPride and SystemPride are two completely different things, because we’re experiencing two completely different things.

Why couldn’t we just have our one day?

#syscourse #okay to reblog? #actuallytraumagenic #actuallydid #actuallyosdd #actuallymultiple #plural gang #pluralgang #pluralpride #plural pride #endogenic #anti endo #did #osdd

[mikaze-discord]

Quartet Night: Love letters

Annnnnd these are the love letters written for Quartet Night!!!

Please enjoy under the cut~

REIJI KOTOBUKI

From Anon:

I've always been drawn to characters with complex (and fairly dark) personalities, so liking Rei-chan was honestly inevitable for me.

He looks like a very bright and cheerful character at first, which he is, but sometimes that part of him is a little misleading because, in actuality, he's a character that holds a lot of negative feelings about himself due to a past that he can't seem to move on from. He holds a lot of those feelings to himself because he doesn't want to burden anyone else with them. He's a reliable, cunning, and ultimately selfless character that chooses to shoulder a lot on his own out of his infinite care for others, and perhaps a secret sense of atonement, all hidden behind his bright demeanor and goofy smile, and it's endlessly interesting to me.

Besides the duality of his personality, he has a lot of other endearing quirks to love about him. He loves his mom a lot and is a mama's boy. His old-man jargon and catchphrases never fail to amuse (I still can't get over the way he says "my girl"). His obsession with anything even remotely British is something my APH England phase can relate to. His style of music brings a lot of pleasant feelings of nostalgia for me, and his pretty voice suits them a lot. And most of all he's just a very good boy overall. I rate 99999 out of 10 would love and support him and also maybe pay for his therapy because god knows he needs it. Happy anniversary!!

From another anon: 

Would you like to hear a story? You do? Very well then, may this story be one you enjoy.

What do I like about Reiji kotobuki? A Lot of things actually!

Well, I've always really liked Reiji as a character as he seemed to be one of the more interesting characters to me, due to how complex he is with his backstory and general just personality.

I have always really enjoyed how Reiji just solves problems too? Like he is just such an outgoing person who deserves all the support!!!

Like the best word I can use for Reiji is just, unique. Everything about him is just so Reiji. From the way he talks, to his nicknames or even his texting style. Like have you seen how many people use emoticons when texting as Reiji? It's just so him.

I like his way of thinking too! I feel like some of the interactions in the games are just so interesting, just seeing Reiji’s point of view. How he deals with a sort of survivor’s guilt and all of that.

Personally, some of my most memorable roleplaying moments were watching a Reiji rper in action, like just seeing them interact and flow so seamlessly with the other characters was just so fascinating to wee baby rper me. Such a large part of playing Reiji is just how you flow with the people around you and comedic timing. I have so many funny moments where Reiji was just interacting with people and it was just so inspirational (?) like I couldn't stop the smile on my face. I had learnt alot from them. I still consider them my roleplaying senpai almost! I don't talk to them anymore but I really had an amazing time just seeing their spin on the character.

I don't find him to be a romantic partner towards me nor do I see any of the characters in that light, but I've always found Reiji as such a personal character. Not even just towards me, like even with other utapri stans. The most relatable character always seems to be Reiji.

I've always been pretty similar in many aspects to him and I often find myself relating to him in numerous ways like his vibe is just relatable! I have often found myself trying to make other people laugh and have fun that many times I'm spreading myself thin and feel unappreciated...Reiji really helped with that.

This is where i start getting into the really personal stuff LOL feel free to skip if you dont wanna hear the angsty backstory.

I had really come to love Reiji when I had just...hit a low. I had a group of friends who I enjoyed hanging out with and just talking to, but they weren't very good friends per say. I often had to schedule every activity we did and I spent days and nights trying to think of concepts that might be fun. They took it for granted.. I had spent 4 months trying to make a game for them, and they had constantly pushed back times that we would play it. Using excuses to not play it, without telling me out right what they did not like or even why. The site I used was later taken down without notice and thus I had lost all my progress. Later, they had mentioned how they would like to play it except that later ended up being two years later. I really wish I could've solved things with that friend group like Quartet Night did but that didn't happen. That is when I started seeing things Reiji’s way? Not to say that it was the same or similar scenario to Reiji but I had just associated it with him.

RANMARU KUROSAKI

From Anon:

Ran is such a fun character! He sounds like a "rough outside, soft inside" kind of character, but his roughness is more like an integral part of him and it's through it that he shows he cares rather than setting it aside. That's what made me want to rp him. I also like how he is such a strong guy who's always determined to do his best in everything he does despite so much having gone wrong in his past. And it's very satisfying to see him form bonds and start to trust people.

From @mikaze-san:

Originally, my favourite Utapri boy was Ai, and it had been the robot boy for several years upon entering the fandom. In fact, it only switched to Ranmaru sometime late last year but regardless, I would still die for this man. Part of the reason why I switched is because I’ve always been a fan of Suzuki Tatsuhisa and I have a huge bias towards any man who wears nail polish without fearing being “feminine” because fuck gender roles.

As someone who studies fashion, I think Ranmaru is very coordinated and confident when it comes to portraying himself that way. He knows he’s not very good at expressing his emotions and utilises his passion for rock and playing the bass to portray those feelings through his songs. It’s also incredibly inspiring to know that he bounces back from pretty much anything considering his backstory and the stuff he deals with in the game/anime.

But my main reason for loving Ranmaru so much stems from the fact that I admire him a lot and want to be more like him. For a long time last year, I got to roleplay as Ranmaru in a few Utapri groups and through those experiences, I gained a better understanding and appreciation of the characters that I wrote for. In some weird way, by highlighting his flaws, character progression and how he dealt with different emotions, I ended up providing insight into how I dealt with similar issues by looking at them from a 3rd person perspective.

I used to be very shy and was very shut off from friends and family, and due to this I’ve always admired people in my life or fictional characters that are so confident in being who they are. Ranmaru particularly struck that chord in me because his bluntness knows no end. He’s very opinionated and doesn’t fear confrontation, in most cases being the one to provoke it. He speaks his mind openly without being overly anxious of the consequences. This is something that I feel is especially relevant today with being your authentic/unapologetic self is such a trend.

It’s something I’ve also noticed with having met people in or outside of this fandom, the notion of idolising a fictional character containing traits that we want to see in ourselves. Which made me think about a lot of my favourite kinds of characters which at the end of the day all boil down to sharing one similar trait: Being a bitch.

And in Utapri, Ranmaru embodies that. So naturally it’s very easy for me to idolise him.

(Tldr: I like his bitchy attitude.)

AI MIKAZE 

From Arashi:

It's hard to put into words why I love Ai Mikaze, perhaps it's because I'm subconsciously drawn to him, maybe it's because his hair and eyes are my favorite color, maybe it's because his voice is that of an angels, there are many reasons why I love him. I couldn't tell you a definite, "These one or two reasons are the entire reason I love him", but I'll try to sum it up.

I grew to love him by admiring his personality, his smile, his determination to reach his goals, everything about him made me happy. He's strict and a little scary at times, but when he sees people caring for him, he becomes happy and in a way, sentimental. He's not sure how to explain the way he feels, but he tries. I think I admire how he holds all the little things precious to his heart as he learns about them, and he wants to understand how to care for others and how they care for them in return. Even after six years, he still remains the most dear to me. I think that he now has a sentimental value to me, because even if I 'loved' another character more for a while, I will always come back to Ai. Ai deserves the world, and I'd give it to him if I could. He'll always be special to me, and I think that he very much deserves that.

From Maronda: 

My love for Ai started after I found Shining Live by chance and started to play. At first I wasn't particularly attached to any of the characters and decided to go back and watch the anime to maybe remember some context other than who Starish was. When I got to the episode focused on Ai and his "secret" I was absolutely thrown off by it all. I ended up feeling like I had so many questions and I knew that the anime would give me little to no answers, so I frequently turned to rambling on the internet about it. Eventually, this fixation on weird things about him seemed to turn into a clear fondness for him, and friends made me realize just how much I liked him. Knowing the cold and often strange aspects of his personality was due to something out of his control was something I resonated with as someone on the autism spectrum. He reminded me of some of the ways I used to think and behave.

I also began to notice other things I loved about him. Things like how soothing I found his voice, the pleasant shade of light blue in his hair and eyes, how ridiculously pretty he is... but the best things are the endearing parts of his personality. Though he's somewhat harsh, he's still entirely genuine. His curiosity is absolutely precious and his occasional awkwardness in expressing emotion or understanding the emotions of others made me empathize with him. And if you look at the Ai in Shining Live and compare it to the Ai in the anime and games... he really has changed a lot and grown as a person. He now seems so much gentler and understanding, and he clearly values the friendships he has now too! I think he's a wonderful character and ever since friends of mine encouraged me to selfship I've essentially been in love with him, but it also makes me happy to see other people appreciate him for other reasons as well. He's just so lovable!

CAMUS

From @uta-no-fakku-sama:

At the very beginning of my UtaPri interest, Camus never really caught my attention. That is until he became my first My Only Prince UR. I’ve come to appreciate him a lot more ever since, and now he’s become my favorite QUARTET NIGHT member! Along the way, I learned more about him and realized he’s one of the more complicated characters to understand. Nonetheless, I absolutely adore him. I tend to tease and make fun of him a lot, but deep down I truly do like him a whole bunch!

From @/waddamaloooon on twt: 

A little Camus appreciation post

(alternatively known as; how this guy managed to harshly take my heart and step on it like the gumin I am.)

Hello, this is Suikamaru, here to share a tiny story of why I, and eventually you, love Camus Rondo Cryzard.

At first glance, his looks appealed to me, but not his behavior (and ironically enough, his voice) so I didn't bat an eye on him. I've always been on a neutral leaning to dislike opinion on Camus, which is quite understandable because have you SEEN the way he acts. Unfathomable.

…..To a Young Suikamaru, that is.

I've grown, so naturally I've changed preferences regarding characters, ikemen, and who to stan and who to avoid like the plague. I will lie if I said that I expected to like that blonde confectionery devouring machine at any point of my life.

But it did happen so who are we fooling here.

It dawned on me that Camus is the type of character that you cannot appreciate unless you go in depth into his lore, backstory, and see him for who he really is. Because then everything else will make sense. And that never happened in my case until I started roleplaying as him.

I realized that he's not just a two faced, sweet toothed mean man. He's a perfectionist, someone who's always been raised since his childhood days to be nothing less than complete, who has locked on his heart and emotions to devote himself completely to the purpose given to him. He has the looks and brains for what though? He should be a little stupid honestly.

But his intelligence gave him the complexity that he just needed for his characteristics. Because as aforementioned, he's not someone to easily like or fall in love with. And I think that's quite rare in characters, and very much appreciated due to the fact it gives the fans a chance to not actually stay on a flat level of knowledge regarding their favorite characters.

I've slowly started to see myself in some aspects of him, which was the number one factor of liking him. Then came the Maeno magic when I realized Camus shares the same VA as another character that I love as well. (Hamelin, from SinoAlice.) From then, everything went downhill.

In a good way. I think..

Well, that is all from me, please read about this handsome man and appreciate his hard work both as an individual and as an idol. There is SO much to him that's p much overlooked and I'm getting broke from spending my money on his living expenses rent free in my head. Take him off my head.

#utapri #utanoprincesama #uta no prince sama #Reiji kotobuki #Kotobuki reiji #Ranmaru kurosaki #utapri camus #ai mikaze #mikaze ai #quartet night