#that at one point i kinda based my entire identity around

[mothmanchronicler]

feeling lost . wondering if you can know yourself when youre isolated ,, who am i when not in relation to others? i don't feel like anyone and now it feels impossible to connect w anyone it feels so hard and awful and weird and i m really trying !! but it's not getting any easier yet! shucks to that!!!

#i thought abt what i like about myself #and couldn't come up w anything that wasn't in relation to something i'm into #like oh i'm into sewing and riverdale and kimchi and then all this other stuff i'm no longer into #that at one point i kinda based my entire identity around #like farming ... bitch i used to be a farmer™ but i don't do that anymore #anyway just came up w one thing - i love that i'm queer #anyway the ocd really got me again but only for like two days #i was like oh i can't eat these bananas i just bought because they'll ferment in my stomach and make me sick #and they all when bad before i was like oh that's fucking insane just eat the nana #work is good and my new coworkers are nice #but i'm feeling v self conscious because i'm having a difficult time getting to know ppl #anyway it's fine !! kinda!! but i'm okay just thinkin

[jamespottersdaisy]

Gold Rush.

Remus Lupin x fem!reader

"You keep a manual on how to turn down a girl?"

"Do you really want to talk about other girls on our date? I mean, I am fine with it if that's what you want, but it's rather uncommon topic for dates."

based on a request.

warnings- literally nothing, this is just pure fluff.

6,1k

author's note- no use of y/n. i kinda like this but also don't? but i definitely enjoyed writing this. english is not my first language so beware <3

The weather was warm, and the Sun was hugging you under its heat. A light breeze would caress your hair occasionally, reminding you that you were still laying on the grass.

You should move under the tree’s shadow, but there was just something too peaceful about laying down on the green, so close to the lake that wouldn’t let you move an inch.

Your eyes were closed, sun lightening the pitch black under your eyelids. Your ears were focused only on the plashings from the lake. Your senses were relaxed, letting the serene sensation take over. You were blissfully oblivious to your surroundings.

Unfortunately, you could only ignore everything till one point. You could ignore the blaring screams, but you couldn't ignore the brooms whooshing next to your ears.

Your eyes fluttered open, brows furrowing in discontent. You narrowed your eyes to adjust them to sunlight and propped up on your elbows.

"Do you ever stop, Potter?" you yelled at James, who was soaring high in the sky. You heard him laugh before disappearing mid-air.

"He doesn't," a distant but familiar voice said.

You turned at it, watching Remus walk to you. His frustratingly long stature towered over you, blocking the Sun.

You exhaled, readying yourself for another identical conversation with him that you both craved and despised.

"Lupin," you offered him a tiny smile. 

"May I?" he asked, but before you could reply he laid next to you. Sunlight gleamed in his amber eyes. Your smile grew as a counter to the irritation building up in your core.

"You already did."

"Is that a problem?" he asked with a sheepish smile, narrowing his eyes from the Sun.

It wasn't a problem with you; you enjoyed having Remus close. The problem was something entirely else that you abhorred to even think about. 

"I don't mind."

"What were you doing out here alone?"

You sat up and involuntarily stroked the grass, all while Remus watched you, laid down with one palm under his head. You were conscious of his gaze all of a sudden.

“I liked the weather today. So here I am,” you said, suppressing the urge to fix the skirt of your dress.

“You look nice,” he cleared his throat. You caught him glancing at your bare legs before averting his eyes to the lake. 

You hated the red rose blossoming in your chest after his mere compliment. You reminded yourself that you are not the only girl that dressed nice today.

“Thanks,” you said, not letting yourself dwell in racing thoughts., “What were you guys doing?”

“Nothing of importance. Sirius and James wanted to play Quidditch.”

You looked around, finding James and Sirius easily. They were loudly laughing and screaming at something in the sky.

“Where’s Pete–”

“With his girlfriend, I wager,” Remus cut you off, “I don’t know where he is actually. I just came here when I saw you were alone.”

You cursed at the butterfly in your stomach. He only put several words next to each other and here you were, chasing after your heart that took off the moment his voice mingled in the air. Still, you didn’t let his words stammer yours.

“Did you need something?”

Remus stared into your eyes. You stared back.. His eyes were screaming the words your ears were refusing to listen.

“Yeah, no,” he chuckled dryly, “Just wanted to see you.”

‘Why?’ you wanted to ask.

Sometimes you thought maybe you knew why; maybe the echo in your heart was right. But then you would notice how many other boys and girls also looked at him the way you did and you would listen to the echo in your mind instead.

You hummed and attempted to change the topic.

“Why are you guys in the school today? No Hogsmeade?”

“James and Sirius have detention,” Remus said, watching you observe the lake as if it was the most magnificent thing you had ever laid your eyes on.

“For what?”

“For blowing up all Slytherin students’ potions that were brewing.”

“Why would they even do that?” you laughed. A frog jumped out of the water.

“I think I heard them say they were bored.”

“And now you’re stuck here because of them.”

Remus shrugged.

“It’s alright. I like it here more.”

You turned your head at him, noticing him gazing at your face. 

You reminded yourself you shouldn’t let his intense gaze or implicit allusions confuse you.

He was Remus, “the Casanove of Gryffindor Tower”, Lupin.

Everybody wanted him. How could they not?

His soft, pink lips, perfect nose and messy brown hair were the first things that would alert the attention. His chestnut-coloured eyes with a fey glisten would emulate his whimsical smile, making it impossible to look away. The outworn jumpers would always compliment his hair, resulting in such a sight that a butterfly would slip right into your chest. Whenever he would chuckle, you would fight with the yen for smiling at the sound of his laugh.

And the scars. 

Your friends would sometimes say they were Remus’s only flaws, which you would scoff at. You adored his scars. You loved the way they contrasted with his perfection, yet still unable to outshine it. You loved the way they dazzled under the Sun and darkened under the shadow.

He was beautiful, unblemished and gorgeous. And you wanted him. 

You wanted him, but you were not the only one wanting him. 

So many other girls would stare at him in the hallways; some even would confess their feelings for him. Remus would turn them down kindly but would flirt his way out if needed. Thus, you never gave your thoughts and ardour enough power to befog your mind with hopes.

You didn’t guess why he would smile at you, dressing his words with a charm that would turn your heart upside down. You didn’t guess why he would flirt with you but would refuse to talk to you explicitly. You didn’t ask. You never reacted to his flirtatious words and smiles, refusing to acknowledge them. You simply convinced yourself that he was doing the same thing with everyone. Who wouldn’t if they had his charm?

“I like it here, too. It’s peaceful.”

He hummed and stretched out his unoccupied hand. You watched him get up on his feet, his hand still offering something to you. You accepted it. A daisy caressed the skin of your palm.

“Do you care for a walk, dove?

“Why so formal?” you chuckled as you took his hand, letting him help you to stand. The daisy was between your two fingers, twirling around.

“It makes up for my charm.”

“Ah yes,” you rolled your eyes,”your famous charm.”

“Famous? I wouldn’t say–”

“Oh, please, Remus. We know you’re enjoying the attention.”

Remus’s smirk put a smile on your lips, welcoming the same butterflies you shunned a few moments ago. 

“It does flatter me,” he said, “Why? Does it bother you?”

Oh, it did bother you.

It boiled your blood that you weren’t the only one whose skin was on fire from Remus’s touch. It annoyed you that you weren’t the only one infatuated with his smile. It irked you beyond comparison that you weren’t the only one getting flustered from his drawling but warm tone.

“Of course not,” you shook your head, straightening your back.

“That’s good. I wouldn’t want you to be bothered by me.”

“I am not,” you reassured, “except the times you’re reading your book loudly.”

You were not necessarily alone in this matter. Some days in the middle of your studies, you would get distracted by Remus’s voice, unable to comprehend any word on the pages.

“Library is for reading,” he shrugged, watching the twirling daisy between your fingers.

“Library is for reading silently.”

“I don’t scream, do I?”

He grinned at your scoff, stopping in his tracks.

“So, listen,” his smile ebbed a bit into something jittery. “I wanted to ask if you’d like to–”

“Remus!”

Your focus left Remus’s voice, changing direction to a feminine voice from a few steps away. 

“Here you are!” she said, smiling as wide as her mouth went. 

Lacey Green.

You’ve seen her multiple times next to Remus, smiling wide, stroking his arm or tilting her head as she was talking. She was an objectively attractive girl, successful in her studies and surely popular in her house, Hufflepuff.

But for some reason, you didn’t like her.

Maybe it was the way she would always beam, or maybe it was she would call Remus’s name. 

“Hey, Lacey,” Remus greeted her, visually disappointed at getting interrupted.

“Oh, were you busy?” she asked innocently after throwing you a mere glance.

You suppressed the urge to roll your eyes. You were there, weren’t you? It shouldn’t have been that hard to take a guess.

“I–” Remus looked at you for a moment, turning back to Lacey. “We were just talking.”

“Would it be all right if I borrowed him?” she asked you, smiling as she linked arms with Remus, almost ready to leave.

You arched a brow at Remus, ignoring the annoyance luring under your skin. He looked at you, clearly weighing his options.

“It won’t be long,” he said.

Lacey let out a small chuckle, dragging Remus away.

Remus didn’t come back that day.

Professor Slughorn could be a total menace sometimes. As if the five pages long essay weren’t enough, you needed to brew a potion. Fortunately, you managed to complete everything, albeit you were now sleep-deprived. 

Someone needed to tell this man that his subject was not the only subject being taught in Hogwarts.

“Don’t you look nice?” you heard your friend’s sarcastic tone as you sat beside him. 

“How do you even look decent?” you asked Tom, looking at his combed hair and perfect attire in awe. “You and I both did that homework together.”

“No. Your dumbass was up until five in the morning. I was dreaming about flying cats in my bed at that hour.”

You grunted, rubbing your temples to soothe the ache. "I hate potions."

"That makes two of us," Tom announced, making you wince at his tone. “If I don’t get a nice twenty points from this, I will start strangling professors in their sleep.”

"You're a bit loud, Tom."

"Button it. Your man is here."

You looked where Tom was pointing, observing a group of four boys entering the classroom. Your eyes found Remus almost immediately.

He was walking up to his partner– Lacey– while joking with his friends. His brown eyes caught yours, offering you a wide smile.

You merely nodded and turned back to Tom, who had an extremely mocking expression on his face.

"What?”

“You’re acting like you’re not going to giggle and blush just because he smiled at you,” he smirked. “You can’t fool me. I know you too well.”

When you rolled your eyes instead of giving Tom a reply, he continued.

“He still hasn’t approached you?”

“No. I bet on my last galleon that he’s probably forgotten about it.”

Tom made a noise in his throat to let you know he wasn’t appreciating Remus’s behaviour, either.

You didn’t mind that much; you were used to it. You were used to being the centre of Remus’s attention for a moment and being totally forgotten the next day. It was simply how it had been working for quite some time now.

It would be a lie to say it never bothered you because it did.

You hated how Remus would occasionally let you soar in the sky with joy, only to crush your wings afterwards. You were sure he wasn’t even aware of what he was doing. For him, you were simply another girl that fancied him.

You stopped the train of thoughts in your mind before they dived deep, focusing on the starting class. Focusing on the class instead of Lacey’s impossible-to-ignore laugh.

As much as you wanted to prevent Lacey and Remus’s dynamic partner relationship from getting into your head, under your skin and leaving a bitter taste in your mouth, your ears wouldn’t stop hearing.

Apparently, Remus had good humour. He must be given the noises arising from his desk.

And he had finished his potion yesterday, too. Lacey made sure the whole class knew that.

You were messing up with your potion; you knew that. And you did feel guilty that Tom was clearing up the mess you’ve been making, but you were tired. People needed to cut you some slack. 

You were half into the lesson when you felt shivers next to your ear.

“Psst.”

Remus’s warm breath hovered over your jawline as you refused to acknowledge him. How did he even get here?

“I have to ask you something.”

“Mr Lupin, what are you doing there?” Slughorn’s tone almost put a smile on your lips. Almost.

“I’m just borrowing some ingredients from this sweet lady.”

“Stop flirting and be quick then.”

You heard Remus’s ‘Yes, sir,’ and felt him nod before feeling his breath again.

“I don’t have any ingredients.”

“Didn’t ask, dove. I came here for something else.”

“You lied to a professor.”

“Will you come to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?”

Your heart dropped to the ground or maybe skipped a beat; you weren’t capable of telling the difference. Your mind let the words sink in before raising questions behind your eyes. 

“What?” you turned to Remus, stepping away from him, from an almost nonexistent distance.

“Will you come to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?” Remus raised his voice, thinking that you didn’t hear him well. His change in  tone attracted a few heads to the conversation.

“Why?”

Remus parted his lips, readying an answer for you. You watched him falter for a moment.

“Because I’d love you to?”

You winced at his explanation. “That’s not an answer.”

If it was some other time, you would smile at his confusion and ineptness. 

“I think it’s a good answer.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Yes, it is.”

“No, it is not!”

“Yes, it is, I want you to let me take you out on a date.”

“A date?!” you blurted out, eyes widening. 

You knew Remus could be awkward sometimes, but you didn’t guess he sucked at proper communication. 

You couldn’t even comprehend that your heart fastened or that your pupils dilated, or that your fingertips went cold. Your mind was rounding around the word ‘date’ out of Remus’s lips.

“Mr Lupin! Please take your flirtatious nature and get back to your desk!”

Remus nodded at the professor but didn’t budge, still waiting for your answer. You, on the other hand, were extremely conscious of the looks fixated on you by the students.

“Mr Lupin, I will not repeat myself!”

Remus sighed, raising his eyebrows at you before returning to his desk. You shrugged at Tom’s questioning expression before focusing on the liquid before you.

Your head was throbbing at the end of the lesson, sleeplessness mingling with irritation somewhere in your temple, letting you know that the ache was not leaving anytime soon.

“Damn, you’ve been so helpful today,” you heard Tom from your left.

“Cut me some slack, come on.”

“Yeah, my apologies. I forgot that you were running on pure caffeine.”

“I love you, Tom, I really do,” you turned to him,”but please shut up.”

“It’s official, you’ve gone crazy,” he said, packing up his things. “I’ll let Mr Lupin handle your headache today.”

Without letting you a moment to ask what was going on, Tom nodded to you and someone behind you before leaving the class. You turned away to call after him, but Remus’s towering frame stopped you.

You watched him sit next to you with indifferent eyes. 

“I heard you had a headache.”

Hearing his voice tingled your inside, but you stayed stone-cold on the outside. 

“It was a disturbingly loud class today.”

He let out a chuckle. You liked when he did that, but it was neither the time nor the place to think about that. 

“I didn’t notice. I guess constantly being with Sirius and James had made me immune to their hullabaloo.”

“Oh, it wasn’t James and Sirius, don’t worry.”

“No?”

“No.”

“Then I must be very caught up in my work.”

You scoffed, trying to sound free from sarcasm. “I doubt that. You and your partner were the loudest ones.”

“Ha, sorry about that,” he said, and you marvelled at his bad social skills one more time. “I asked you a question earlier.”

“What question?”

Your heart may be having a race inside of your ribcage, but you weren’t going to let Remus see it. 

“Will you go to Hogsmeade with me?”

“Yeah, sure. I love visiting Hogsmeade with my friends.”

You enjoyed the sight before you; Remus bouncing his leg up and down, averting his eyes around with your every word. 

“No. I mean as a date.”

Here was that word, again, placing itself in your mind, mocking every thought you had ever had. It didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel right that Remus was asking you out on a date.

“Why?” you asked, without intending to.

“Why?”

You adored Remus’s wrinkled brows and confused face.

“Yeah, why?”

“I’d like to spend time with you?”

“We are spending time.”

“I don’t want to spend time with you as friends. That’s the whole point of a date.”

In the next two seconds, you lost control of your lips, voice and tongue. That could be the only explanation for your reply.

“So you want to spend time not as friends?”

“See, now you’re getting it,” he said with a gentle smile. The wrinkles around his lips captured all your attention, leaving you no choice but to give in.

“Alright. I’ll go on a date with you.”

You didn’t know how the week came by, you had lost all your sense of time. You were sure you got ten points from Potions; you remembered Tom’s complaints about the points not being enough. You were also sure another girl confessed to Remus her feelings, but he refused kindly; you had heard her weep in the bathroom.

It was finally Saturday, and you were dressed up for your…date.

It felt surreal like you were being delusional, which you were sure was not the case. It wasn’t like you didn’t see yourself worthy of a date with Remus, it was that you had convinced your mind and heart that he didn’t see you; that his flirtatious comments and smiles were nothing.

You were standing in the yard, your arms swinging around your waist as you waited for Remus. Several students were also hanging out near the train for Hogsmeade, while others were seated inside. You saw him make his way to you, offering you a genuine smile. 

“Did I keep you waiting?”

“Oh, no, I just got here,” you said, shaking your head reassuringly. Your eyes roamed his attire, but the only thing they lingered on was his smile, or lips?

“Moony never keeps anyone waiting!”

You frowned in confusion, watching James get on the train. Sirius and Peter followed him, Sirius saluting you. You turned to Remus, your eyebrows raising.

Was this what he had in mind when he said date? If it was, this was a whole new level of social awkwardness.

Remus chuckled at your expression, his eyes narrowing in amusement. “They are not going to be with us, no need to worry.”

Relief washed over you as you couldn't stop your smile, happy that he wasn’t that awkward.

“I don’t know. You four are like a package deal.”

“Not on dates,” he said, “But I had to get them out of my hair when I told them I was going on a date with you.”

Remus offered you his hand as you got on the train as well, walking ahead to find an available roomette.

“Why? Did they mock?” you asked, curiosity tickling your stomach.

“Of course not. What is there to mock?” oh, so did this mean he wasn’t going on a date for a prank? “They simply teased me for it. You know I don’t do this often.” but on another thought, Remus was too good to take out someone for a prank.

“Ah, yes. Why don’t you, though?”

You two finally found a place to sit, Remus closing the door. He sat before you as you chose to place yourself next to the window. You watched Remus lean in and put his elbows to his knees.

“Why don’t I go on dates?”

“Uh-huh”

“Why should I?”

“Because…” you frowned for a moment, not sure what to say. “I don’t know. I asked the question.”

Remus shrugged, his eyes moving to your lips for a moment. “There’s no one to go with.”

You let out a scoff, followed by a genuine laugh. “Are you kidding? A girl was crying in the bathroom because you refused her this week..”

Remus’s eyes widened, his mouth opening a bit. “She was crying? I thought I turned her down kindly. I even made sure to touch her shoulder and give her a smile.”

You make an amused face at him.

“You keep a manual on how to turn down a girl?”

“Do you really want to talk about other girls on our date? I mean, I am fine with it if that’s what you want, but it's a rather uncommon topic for dates.”

Your heart warmed at his words, but you shrugged, hiding the stars behind your eyes.

“I simply asked a question.”

“No, I usually come up with something at the moment. Why? Do you keep a manual on how to turn down boys?”

“I don’t get love confessions as often as you do.”

“That’s unreasonable.”

“Why?” 

“You’re beautiful.”

You didn’t let the pounding in your chest get in the way of your words or your wit. Remus smiled as you started speaking.

“Beauty isn’t everything.”

“That still doesn’t change the fact that you are beautiful.”

“Stop using your irritatingly charming words on me to impress me. It won’t work.”

“That was extremely rude, but I'm glad that you find me charming.”

You arched a brow at his cheeky smile. “I said words, not you.”

“My words represent me.”

You glared at his entertained beam, knowing that you had just let your lips offer the biggest lie you’ve ever said. His words did impress you. They impressed you to the point that your cheeks were on fire, and your palms were sweating. He and his words got you all flustered.

After only a few seconds, you felt the muscles around your mouth create a smile, turning into a burst of laughter after Remus’s consistent beam blazing through you.

“I almost thought you were incapable of laughing,”

“That was just your incompetence at making me laugh.”

The few hours went like seconds as you two enjoyed every corner of Hogsmeade. Remus took you to Madam Puddifoot’s tea shop at first, but you eventually got bored. You wandered around in Honeydukes and almost got kicked out of Zonko’s Joke Shop. 

Who would want to buy frog spawn soap when you can get nose-biting cups?

“They are easy to get rid of!” Remus defended his choice, his hands moving around with his every change in tone. “Frogs, on the other hand, are a nightmare! Trust me, I know.”

“Of course you do. You had experience with every item in the shop, it was scary,” you said, moving his hand before your face as you two were walking in the Hogsmeade streets. Who knew Remus Lupin was a gesticulating person?

“Exactly. I am more experienced, So the soap was the better choice.”

“But nose biting hurts more!” you turned to him, your voice getting high-pitched.

“Sweet, innocent girl…” Remus shook his head, stopping in his tracks, “If you want the target person to suffer, you have to hurt them emotionally, not physically. It is torture to try to get rid of all the frogs without hurting them.”

You groaned in annoyance but let Remus put his arm around your shoulder as he chuckled.

“You’ll learn, don’t fret. I am a great teacher.”

By the time it was dark, you had learned that Remus didn’t like fish, and he didn’t have a favourite colour. You also discovered that no matter how much he wanted to seem brave, he didn’t like spiders. You now knew that his hands were soft and gentle, albeit they had small scars on them. You knew it because he was now holding your hand as you two were slowly returning back to the train. You also knew purebloods had a laughable notion of the muggle world.

“Barbies?”

“James thinks only perverts would want to have a small version of a woman in their hands.”

You laughed loudly, closing your eyes. You didn’t see Remus’s long glance at your laugh. 

“What about lava lamps?”

“They would probably ask if they can drink it.”

“It does look delicious.”

“It looks like lava.”

“There are people who want to taste lava.”

Remus scoffed, making a face at you. “No, there isn’t.”

When your expression didn’t budge, he nodded firmly. “There is.”

“Yes, there is. What about...can opener? They’ve never used it before, no?”

“Only once. We were trying to open a can of worms, and Sirius pitied the muggles that they had to come up with things like this to open a can.”

“A can of worms? Worms?” you crunched up your face in disgust. “What would you even need it for?”

“For fishing! What else?” Remus was smirking, despite his words. You were smart enough to know the meaning behind the smirk, so you glared at him. He shrugged, “Barty Crouch’s birthday was coming, and the Marauders are kind boys.”

“Aha, you sure are,” You chuckled, nodding several times in sarcasm. “What about eyelash curlers?”

Remus stayed silent for a few seconds. “It curls eyelashes?”

“You don’t know what that is either, don't you?”

“I have no idea.”

You giggled, greeting another boy with your head as you were close to the train. You turned to Remus, opening your eyes wide.

“Look at my lashes,” you pointed at them with your finger, stepping a bit close so Remus could see clearly. “I made them with an eyelash curler.”

Remus narrowed his eyes, leaning in. “They’re just lashes.”

You sighed in disapprovement and pulled back. “For you, maybe. I spend quite some time on their happiness, though.”

“I never do.”

“And yet you have more gorgeous lashes than I do. It’s not fair.

You felt a hand on your chin. 

Your heart jumped in your chest when Remus’s fingers turned your head to him, pushing your chin up. You felt anticipation and confusion run in your veins, messing with your heart and mind. Something burst into flames when he leaned in, breathing against your lips.

“What are you–”

“Admiring your lashes,” Remus said, so casual that you almost thought you were delirious for getting jittery and impassioned. “Yours are way more beautiful.”

“Thank you,” you said, grateful that you managed to voice the words. You felt intoxicated by the lack of distance, golden sparkles rushing around your soul.

Your heart took a pace when Remus’s eyes lowered to your lips.

“You’re not looking at my lashes, Remus,” you whispered, offering him a way out. A way out if he decided that he made a mistake, if he thought that he didn’t actually want this.

“I know, I’m admiring your lips now,” he drawled.

His tone erased everything around you from your mind. The people, the street signs, the footsteps and casual laughter among friend groups. You were lost in his voice and taking shelter in that one warm breath that hit your lips.

“Let me kiss you,” he whispered.

The four words poured cold water over your body, lit a fire in your heart, and starved your lips.

You closed your eyes and parted your lips slightly. 

“Kiss me.”

You felt Remus’s thumb graze your lower lip, his other hand caressing your hand, intertwining them. You tightened your hold on his hand, pulling yourself closer to him.

He leaned in, his nose on your skin, his lips ready to crash into yours. 

“Remus!”

You pushed yourself away, the heat of your cheeks visible under the street lights. Remus frowned, averting his head to the voice. He didn’t let go of your hand, holding it tightly as if he was going to lose you if he did. 

You steadied your breathing and heart as the voice walked up to you.

Anger sent white and red flames down in your core, your heart screaming in annoyance when you saw Lacey’s bright smile getting closer and closer. As usual, she wasn’t even looking at you and wasn't acknowledging your feelings. 

“Lacey?” Remus asked. You could pick up the complaining tone in his voice.

“What a nice surprise. I thought you weren’t gonna be in Hogsmeade today.”

“I said I was going to be with someone else,” Remus said, his voice kind but firm. 

Only then, Lacey glanced at you, her smile growing even more.

“What are you two doing here?”

You didn't reply, knowing that if you did, there was no way you could be kind. Thankfully, Remus did.

“Just hanging out.”

At that moment, you wished that you replied to her. Just hanging out? Like friends? Like mates? The way James hung out with Sirius? The way you hung out with Tom?

You felt annoyance itching your skin, your throat aching from the rude words building up in it. You pushed your hand back from Remus. Of course, Lacey noticed it. Her eyes peeked at your hand for a quick moment; it would be impossible to catch it if you weren’t already glaring at her eyes.

“I hope I didn’t interrupt something…?”

That was the last drop that your patience could hold.

“Is there something you need?” you asked, your manner being the exact opposite of Remus’s. 

“Oh…no, actually. I simply wanted to say hi.”

“Well, Hi. Goodbye.”

You were now contemplating if you would be sent to Azkaban were you to strangle the girl. 

She smiled, turning back to Remus. 

“Your friend must be tired, Remus. You accompany her to the train, I’ll see you later,” she beamed, turning on her heels back to her friend group after earning a nod from Remus. 

You started walking, an uncomfortable silence lurking in between your hands. You’re irritated, not only with Lacey but also with Remus. Thus, when he attempted to hold your hand again, you didn’t let him.

You didn’t acknowledge any of his attempts to get you to talk or react until you were sitting face-to-face in a roomette on the train.

“I thought this was a date,” you broke the silence at last, alerting Remus’s focus in a second.

“It is, dove–”

“Then, why didn’t you say that to her?”

“To whom? Lacey?” Remus asked, his eyes confused and his voice surprised. 

“Who else?”

“Because it is…none of her business?”

“What?” your brows drew together in annoyance. “Remus, are you blind?”

“No?”

“She likes you!”

Remus scoffed, shaking his head several times. He leaned back to his heat, a mocking smile greeting you on his lips.

“She doesn’t. I would know if she did.”

“Remus, she can’t be any more obvious.”

“No, dove. She’s just a partner.”

“She just interrupted us when we were in the middle of something!” you threw hands, trying your best to make him understand.

“Yes, but-” Remus started but shut his lips for a moment to think. He exhaled. “I would know if she did.”

“And how do you know it exactly?”

“When I get a confession?”

You groaned in your seat, turning to observe the road from the window instead. You marvelled at his communication skill. It made your blood boil, all while confusing you about what kind of words you should choose to speak to him.

“Are you angry with me?”

“Why did you ask me out on a date?” you blurted out, determined to get what you wanted from him this time. This time you weren’t going to let his social ineptness and bad charm with words prevent you from him. “You said you didn't go on dates often, so why did you go with me?”

Remus’s forehead wrinkled, his mouth readying to talk. When he did, his tone was like he was speaking the most obvious truth, the most casual conversation. You, on the other hand, felt like he was opening the locked door to your mind, welcoming the warmth in your heart.

“Because I fancy you.”

You let his words’ affection embrace you, relieving your every troubled thought, reviving your every buried hope.

“You fancy me?”

“Wasn’t that obvious? I was always smiling at you, trying to talk to you, flirting with you, hopping in every opportunity where I could have you close.”

You smiled at him, butterflies invading your stomach. “You didn’t confess, though.”

“Yes, I know–” Remus stopped himself, his words coming to a halt. Something lit up in his eyes, his expression changing into realisation. “Oh, I see.”

You chuckled to yourself, waiting for him to get everything together.

 “Maybe she wasn’t just a partner, after all,” he whispered, still taking something in.

“For someone who holds all of Gryffindor's hearts, you sure are a bit of an idiot.”

Remus’s eyes changed, his brown darkening, his voice lowering. “You’re wrong.”

“What?”

“I don’t want all of Gryffindor’s hearts,“ He leaned in closer, holding your hands. “I want yours.”

The walls of your heart crumbled down, opening their gates to his smile, voice, touch. His affection sneaked into the darkest parts of your mind, soothed the strongest fires in your soul. You let all the voices disappear, trusting your heart to only Remus’s words.

“Remus…” you smiled, your eyes lowering at your linked hands. “But you already have it.”

Before you could grasp the emptiness in your hands, you felt Remus’s hands on your face. They pulled you in, letting Remus put his lips on yours. 

Your lips burned up at the feeling of his lips, your breath taken away from your lungs. His touch both killed you and revived you, both burning you up and drowning you down.

A few seconds were enough for you to return the kiss, devouring his soft and warm lips. You felt his hands go down from your face to your arms, tracing all the way back to your fingers. Goosebumps rose from your body, contrasting your cold fingers with your on-fire chest.

All your jealousy, anxiety, insecurity left your mind, body, soul as Remus smiled against your lips, breaking the kiss only to put his forehead on yours.

“I’m sorry I didn’t ask for you to let me kiss you this time.”

“There is no explanation you can give that will convince me,” James shook his head, taking a bite from a sandwich he had stolen from the kitchen. “There is no way a normal person enjoys having a small body in their hand.”

“Little children play with it, Potter,” you said, smiling at the sound of Remus’s laugh above your ears. You, your boyfriend and his friends were scattered across the Gryffindor common room, conversing about Barbie dolls. 

Remus had you under his arm, your head placed on his chest. You could feel his occasional kisses on your hair or the way he would lean his cheek on your head. You weren’t complaining, you enjoyed having him close.

“They even play with them?!”

“I will get you a Barbie doll on your birthday, Prongs,” Sirius said. 

“You can’t even find your way in Trafalgar Square.”

“That’s only because there are a lot of muggles there, Wormtail.”

You smiled at your situation, listening to the boys banter about something that you didn’t remember anymore. 

You were happy. Remus had made sure that you were happy for the last week since your kiss. You smiled at the memory of him bringing you food, helping you with your homework, and staying late with you because you didn’t feel like sleeping. He had put a distance between himself and Lacey. You loved her face when Remus stepped back so she wouldn’t hug her.

“What’re you thinking about?” Remus whispered in your ear, making you smile with affection at him. You raised your head to him, watching his messy brown locks hug his forehead. 

“You look nice today.”

He grinned, bringing his hand from your stomach to your chin. He put a sweet but longing kiss on your lips before making use of his voice. “You look nice every day.”

I have no idea if this is ooc Remus, but I don't think it is. Let me know if it is.

Thank you for reading! Please share your thoughts so I know if I did a good or not.

Anyways. Stay safe, love you guys <3

and if you liked my writing, i would be grateful if you'd buy me a coffee <33

#remus lupin #remus x reader #remus lupin x you #remus x you #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin angst #remus lupin fluff #remus lupin one shot #remus lupin smut #andrew garfield #the marauders #sirius black #james potter #harry potter #taylor swift #remus lupin scenario #remus lupin supremacy

[dailyadventureprompts]

Drafting the Adventure: Wilderness and Exploration

For a game with exploration as one of it’s “core pillars”, d&d is kinda shit at producing gameplay conducive to actually making players feel like they’re exploring.If you play it by the book travelling from point A to B often feels like a slog, and a good number of groups are completely justified in skipping it entirely and just getting to the good bits. I think the problem largely stems from trying to cram the hexcrawl/westmarches style of gameplay from d&d’s heyday into the central gameplay loop when really it should be the focus of very particular kinds of adventure. Think of a big exploration adventure the same way you’d run a heist or murder mystery, usually a one off unless you’re running a specialized campaign. 

With that said, the base rules for hanging out in the wilderness are IMO in massive need of an overhaul, so we might as well overhaul those along with setting up a good guidelines for running an exploration based adventure. Before we dive under the hood and get into all those storybuilding steps and mechanics, lets look at how my system works from the players’ perspective: 

In lieu of any urgent quests or fantastic job offers, a group of adventurers decide they’re going to explore the wilderness outside their settlement and look for some opportunities. 

One character chats up the locals, hearing rumours of what might be going on outside the walls. The second does some research on the area and finds a few trustworthy maps to copy. Another checks the local bountyboard for outlaws and monsters it might pay to hunt down. 

The party sets out, and the DM asks the party which player wants to be the group’s surveyor: keeping a list of what places the party has visited, what options are available to them, and what might need a bit more exploration. 

The DM has divided the area they’re exploring into zones with names like “The forbidden peaks” or “ The merry meadows” which gives each area a strong geographic identity and makes it easy for the party to remember and gives them an idea of what to expect. 

Every time the party walks into a new zone, they learn the area’s name, and how many “points of interest” are in that region. A point of interest could be anything from a unique environmental detail to the lead in to an encounter to a monster lair to the entrance to a whole dungeon. The surveyor keeps track of these points of interest, making space to write in whatever details they think are relevant. 

Likewise upon entering into a new zone, the party are made aware of “landmarks” striking points of interest that are obvious to the naked eye and don’t need to be searched for. Because this group prepared before they left, they’ll likely have learned of a few more points of interest in the region based off the information they gathered. 

When the party have fully explored a point of interest, the DM tells the surveyor to check off the name of that location, indicating that it’s safe and that the party can turn their attention elsewhere

When deciding where to go next, the party has two options:  Set out for a specific area (one they know about or have visited before) or to Wander, poking around till they find a location they didn’t know about previously. The DM may ask for checks while the party is traveling based on the difficulty of reaching the point of interest or the particulars of the zone they’re travelling through. 

Because the DM has been upfront with how many points of interest are in the zone, the party have an understandable goal of filling in a list and checking off each location. This feels like actual exploration because the party is actually making the decision of where to go and how deep to search, combining those key elements of choice and discovery that make setting out into the unknown so rewarding. 

Below the cut I’m going to go into detail about how to BUILD an exploration adventure, everything from designing goals to fit your narrative needs to choosing what kind of points of interest to seed into the world .

First step: Setting Bounderies 

When preparing a wilderness adventure, you’re going to settle on an area that the party is exploring and why: are they low level nobodies knocking about the countryside surrounding the starting village till the call to adventure finds them? Are they high level heroes looking to comb a vast wasteland for the location of a forgotten temple? Are they desperate survivors battling the elements as they attempt to find a pass through the deep wilderness? Obviously these will set the scale and tone of your adventure, but they’ll also help you define your boundaries: are your party moving towards a specific goal, or are they fucking around? Are they able to return to the comforts of civilization on the regular, or are they on their own? Is their exploration more of a self driven sandbox, or are they trying to find a route to a particular destination fellowship style. 

Perhaps most importantly you need to ask: SHOULD this adventure be exploration focused? These sorts of adventures are a lot of work and if the party is only going to go through this region once you might be better served by just planning some encounters and pantomiming the idea of exploration in your narration. 

Second step: Zoning it out

Now that you’ve settled on your region, you’re going to start cutting it up into Zones, large areas with a distinct geographic identity that will stick in your party’s mind: the area around a village might be divided by its cardinal points into fields, swamp, forest, and hills, able to be explored in any order, where as an attempt to cross the mountains might be separated into a sequence of 1) foothills 2) a choice between peaks OR caverns 3) river 4) lake. Obviously you’ll give each zone a striking name as you develop its theme that will help reinforce its identity by the time you present this to the party. I’d recommend three to six zones, as any more than that it gets hard to differentiate them from eachother. 

Third step: Making lists

Now comes the fun part in designing your points of interest. I’ve found this is a two part process of brainstorming physical locations within each zone and determining what sort of encounters might happen there, though often times the latter comes before the former. It’s important to remember that an encounter is more than a fight, and fights are more than just face to face combat.  Here’s some ideas to get your brainstorming started:

Generally you’ll want atleast four and a maximum of twelve points of interest per zone ( though I tend to default to six) this is not only to prevent you from having to make too much content, but also to be able to use a die to determine what random point of interest the party finds when wandering. Every 2 locations they check off your list, decrease the die size.

Between landmarks and information that a party can gather through rumour/studying maps, I’d advise having no more than half your Zone’s content discoverable before the party actually starts wandering. This is to preserve the sense of the unknown which is vital to feeling like exploration means something.

Landmarks are like billboards drawing your party to particular content, ranging from natural features like hills or rivers to ruins or statues. Use them to deliver details the party should know about the zone early.

Trails or other signs of habitation are your friend, as they allow you to tease what an encounter MIGHT be without giving things away immediately; bandit ambushes, lost travellers, local wildlife, all of these could be at the end of a trail, but it’s far easier for you to bait the party with their own curiosity than come with an obvious “this place looks like a trap, do you want to step in it?”

When it actually comes to combat encounters, I’d advise balancing how challenging the encounter is with how much forewarning the party has. Ambushes they walk right into should be easy or very easy, while medium and hard encounters should either be opt in ( seeking out a beast in its lair) or avoidable ( hiding while the chimera circles overhead)

Points of interest can have many things to discover within them, such as frontier settlements, or Structures and Caverns which can be run as small dungeons.

Some locations may act as gateways into different zones. This is particularly useful for overland travel adventures where the party has to find the right point of interest to lead them on to the next phase of their journey. 

For longer explorations it’s a good idea to include “safeholds”, places the party can use as a campsite rather than roughing it in the wilderness an being exposed to the elements or the threat of random encounters.

Puzzles and scavenger hunts are amazing activities at points of interest, especially if the party needs to go somewhere else in the zone/area to solve them.

Need to express that one particular point of interest ( or perhaps a whole zone) is difficult to traverse? Have the party roll con saves to avoid exhaustion/survival checks to find a better route. You can likewise do this with stealth checks to avoid the patrol routes of enemies or the hunting grounds of vicious predators.

#dnd #dungeons and dragons #d&d #5e #pathfinder #ttrpg #dm advice #dm tip #dm tips #dm tools #writing advice #homebrew #DnD Mechanics #d&d mechanics #homebrew mechanic #Wilderness #exploration #random encounters

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for making a robotic replica of a dead woman?

Hi. This is going to need a lot of context, so just bare with me

So I used to be a huge fan of this competition-based reality show. To the point that I can hardly remember a time when I wasn't. I'd watch every new episode the day it came out and I was incredibly invested.

Well, around the time of the finale one of the competitors of the competition died. Like, she was genuinely dead, 100% gone. What's worse is the fact that they aired this on the show. It was kind of upsetting and messed up.

Well a few years ago I was given the opportunity to compete in the second season of the show. Of course, I took it up. In that time I made a friend, T, and got really attached to an egg that we found when on Mars for a challenge. I treated that egg like it was my child for almost the entire rest of the season, and was really crushed when I had to give them up.

So these two factors led to what I may be TA for. Me and T decided that we would create a robotic replica of the competitor on the show who died, as a way to keep her history alive and to have something new to look after. Let's call the replica B.

Well, T and I ended up being sort of forced into the third season of this show, and by extension so was B. This kinda freaked out everyone involved, who all were aware that the original competitor was dead. Keep in mind that nobody but T and I knew that B was a robot, including B themself.

Well, I got voted off the show and apparently while I was gone B found out about the whole robot thing and had an identity crisis. I didn't know about this until I came back for the finale and everything about B had changed. I was glad that they were able to find something unique for themself, but then I started wondering if what T and I originally did was wrong.

We just wanted to preserve the history of the original competitor, but it weirded everybody out and caused B to have a crisis. According to T, they really struggled with the whole thing afterwards.

B doesn't seem mad at me about it and they don't seem upset anymore, but I still can't help but wonder if I'm TA.

So, AITA for making a robotic replica of a dead woman?

#aita #am i the asshole #unreality

[delafiseaseses]

I Speculate on Boone's Birthplace for quite some time

So, I can't help but wonder things sometimes. And one that came into my head was about Boone. Where's he from? Well, click read more if ya dare, this is gonna be a long 'un even by my standards.

"New Californian" would be the obvious answer, I know. Like, half the base game's companions are from California (every other Human and Lilly are from New California, though only Cass is NCR)

And he even says this when asked 'What can you tell me about New Vegas?' "It's NCR land, for the most part. We tamed it, now we're settling it. Lot of people complain about it, but they forget what it was like before we showed up. It's a lot of territory to secure. Too much, even for a big army like the NCR's." the 'we' there seems to make it pretty clear, right? It also helps that one of his endings only identifies New Vegas as '... the city where he'd met his wife.'

And yet, when Manny talks about Carla he says this "See, I grew up in North Vegas. Me and my cousins. We were some bad seeds. Got in with a gang. I loved it. Then something happened, and I couldn't handle it anymore. So, I enlisted. Earned my future. Brought down my best friend to share that future with me." which is curious. They were friends pre-NCR Army days.

Then, back up in that quote I glossed over a thing he said 'they forget what it was like before we showed up.' and... he wouldn't know what the Mojave was like before the NCR if he was from the NCR. Could the use of 'we' around the NCR be more because he's a naturalised New Californian who's identity is strongly wrapped up with the NCR army? The 'we' was 'the NCR' generally rather than 'we' to mean 'Californians' and him specifically? The syntax accepts both readings.

It is entirely possible that Boone was born in Vegas pre-House, possibly from North Vegas like Manny is, though without the Khan ties. Some sources say Boone is 26, I don't generally trust out of game sources, but it'd make sense for him to be in his mid-late 20s, I think.

So, that'd mean Craig Boone he grew up in pre-NCR Vegas in the mid-2250s, the NCR arrives 7 years ago in 2274 and he joins at about 19-20, he becomes a First Recon Sniper decently fast (he is a real good shot so it makes sense), ends up involved in the Bitter Springs Massacre (which some sources I don't entirely trust say was in 2278 - 3 years ago), then met, retired with to Novac and... ahem lost Carla in a year.

So, in this timeline all Boone's adult life would've been in the NCR Army. So it'd make sense for him to see them as his people rather than any locals. Especially considering that Vegas has almost certainly changed a lot in in those 7 years the NCRs been about. Like, Manny grew up in North Vegas, we have no idea what North Vegas was like back then, Crandon's North Vegas Square was founded 'a few years' ago, House's Strip was established around that time too. Vegas is not whatever it was when Manny was young. And, if Boone is also from Vegas, neither is it what he grew up in.

Of course, it is also equally possible that Boone is a New Californian and when Manny says he "Brought down my best friend to share that future with me." he means the Novac retirement with his First Recon best friend. One thing you notice when you look too hard at the timeline of New Vegas is that it... isn't perfect. Like, there's in-game conflicting information, never mind the out-of-game stuff.

With that said you may be wondering "Why the Hell do you even care if Boone is a Californian or a... (quick search) New Vegan?" well, as I said at the start, there's no actual point. I just like to speculate about things and Boone is unique as he is the only basegame companion where there is this kinda speculation potential:

Veronica explicitly calls herself 'A girl from California', Lilly's Vault 17 had to have been somewhere within The Master's reach which limits it to somewhere in California, Cass is undeniably Californian (we even know her Dad), Rex is from Denver, Raul is from Hidalgo Ranch (which I'm gonna say is probably in Hidalgo, at the very least it's close enough to Mexico City to see it get destroyed but far enough away to not be decimated) and ED-E is from Adams Air Force Base in the Capital Wasteland.

[Edit, forgot to include Arcade, Arcade was either born at Camp Navarro or the Enclave Oil Rig, possibly during Fallout 2 given his age]

Some of those are also vague, but even the vaguest of the other companions has at least a state (and ED-E gets the 'most specific' prize).

So, all of this leads to an 'I don't know', as it always would. I personally think Boone is from New Vegas, but there's plenty of arguments against that. Hell, Boone could be from bloomin'... Madison, Wisconsin if ya want him to be. You could even imagine a story for that. Young Craig Boone and his family left New Madison southeast and travelled until they hit the Pacific. Boone knows what the pre-NCR Mojave looked like because they stopped there, he met Manny at the time and it was a Hell of a funny coincidence when they both ended up in First Recon.

Well, I think I've indulged in my Fallout New Vegas idle thoughts enough for one day. Where is Craig Boone from? Fallout New Vegas.

#fallout #new vegas #fallout new vegas #ncr #craig boone #I ain't gonna tag #the 8 million things #I mentioned here

[cozymochi]

DOES TIA Do any school club stuff? Does she have one she admires, likes? Dislikes?

THANKS I LOVE TIA LORE DUMP EXCUSES!! SHE IS OFFICIALLY in the Newspaper Club 😩, but not out of actual interest. It’s just a means to assist in documenting her school life as she’s supposed to do. It’s her credit, I guess. Honestly, they don’t really get into the logistics too much, so I wouldn’t sweat the details here either. I imagine Crowley just shoved her (and Grim) in there.

Though despite being in that club, Grim says he’s in the “Gourmet Club.” But that’s just self-proclaimed only 😩 that club doesn’t actually exist, it’s just an excuse to eat food after classes are done. (Tho im pretty sure this is actually true, I have no basis for this though, just a hunch, but my hunch hasn’t been wrong yet.) I’m sure his “club” has a lot going for it considering the sole member lives with freaking Tia, an already gifted chef. Besides, they count as one student. If Tia is officially in the Newspaper Club, then so is he via technicality.

Since cooking is an art she’d probably be more drawn to the “arts” clubs. It’s hard to say if she admires any though, given I think she can have a one track mind at times. I don’t think she really gives herself the opportunity to be interested in them beyond surface level. Which kinda sucks, cuz she might be missing out on new things to experience or be invested in. She’s not a sports person either, but nearly all her closer friends are in sports clubs, so she’s often present to see tourneys, games, whatever if they have any. Which btw, this is definitely a shift from how she’d be back in her home world, cuz if her friends there ever invited her to anything or ask her to do something like that she’d’ve just shirked it in favor of focusing on her long term goal (as per her Tiana allusions, cough cough. And now she may never see those friends again :’3). She still kinda tries to shirk going to these things because… habits, y’know. I’m not entirely sure she has any opinion on sports clubs themselves, again, that one track mind can sorta. Y’know.

The only club Tia would actually want to hypothetically be in is a Cooking Club because god forbid she stray from the path she set up for herself. Though, I am not sure if one is confirmed to actually exist at the school. The Master Chef/Culinary Crucible special class DOES though, so I don’t know. I DREW THAT! …If Tia wasn’t so serious sometimes, I don’t think she would be totally opposed to just joining in on the “Gourmet Club” thing. She loves food too.

Total aside, I like to imagine that the Newspaper Club is sparsely populated with a few guys (probably 3) who just don’t even talk to each other lol. They all do different things without exactly collaborating because it’s NRC. No one reads the newspaper anyway!! Internet exists, as everyone points out. Club time for Tia is sitting in a classroom and perusing her ghost camera photos and organizing things. Or just… think. Worst case scenario she and Grim are completely alone in that “club�� and it was a dead club that only got resurrected cuz it was convenient for the bird man and happened to line up with Tia’s documenting school life thing. Honestly that feels real. She’d rather be doing anything else though. It’s not like clubs were a school requirement back home unless you wanted to look more rounded on some applications. Clubs weren’t exactly on her radar either, it was saving money to get into her own school of her dreams. So dividing time for a club and hanging with people was mostly off the table.

I think Tia is still trying to figure herself out though. A lot of her identity so far is still solely based around her long term career goal and hardly considers much of anything else if it doesn’t tie into that somehow. The whole “being transported to another world” thing is just an obstacle on the path right now. Omg I wonder if she’ll be forced to go through life changing stuff, learn lessons, and go with the flow on top of being forced to confront any internal demons that up until now she’s been burying from watching other guys completely collapse from doing so, plus… other typical things of the genre!!! 🫣🫣

…it’s an in-joke that I think she low key enjoys the picture taking. The cast is very pretty.

#cozy ask #twstposting #tia dumarais #THATS RIGHT!! THE FROG IS TWISTY WONDERLAND ITSELF. #if ur wondering why i keep saying non defonitive words like ‘i think’ its because #i also wanna just learn about her this goes along #i speculate on my own kiddos like lol

[illnessfaker]

Your recent couple reblogs has me wondering something, that maybe you have more perspective on given your own experiences with gender.

Often times I’ll hear bigender, genderfluid, and various flavors of nonbinary people talk as if they are (in a political sense) both man and woman (also sometimes TME and TMA using the same logic)

I get it in terms of self-identification, but in terms of how society treats us, I’m skeptical that the current oppressively gendered system has room for that kind of nuance.

I think it’s just because I’m a trans woman and at the end of the day I get treated as a fag regardless if people see me as a man or woman, so I don’t get the option anyway lol

But I also kinda feel like I’m just rehashing “there are only 2 genders!!” but from a leftist angle, which also sucks

i mean this is like a really tough question that i don't think there's a good answer to because there's not really any difference btwn "being a man/woman" vs. "being a man/woman politically" and by that i mean when you ask what "being a man/woman" means the only good answer to that question i can come up with is "they're labels that indicates one's relationship to patriarchy" but even that answer isn't especially helpful in this situation because 1. that's basically the function of gender identity labels is to describe one's relationship to gender and indicate how they navigate the system whether they're "binary" or not and 2. there is no litmus test for who "counts" as a man or a woman because if you go around and ask people why they identify this way you'll get a hundred different answers even if the people you ask label themselves in the same way because gender identity at the end of the day not only has to do w/ the gendered messaging you are subject to from society (which includes violence) and then how you personally rationalize and respond to it.

the thing is that there are many different avenues of being gendered so i'd say that yeah, someone can be both a man and a woman if they believe their experiences align w/ that, but the reasons for why someone believes that, like i said, are going to widely vary. someone might be legally considered female but be gendered as male in a bunch of other contexts and they might factor that experience in to their gender identity. someone might be legally considered male but be gendered as female or subject to misogyny in a bunch of other contexts and they might factor that experience in to their gender identity. but it's not as if legally being male = you can wield that simple fact to enact gendered violence (which plenty of transfem and other camab trans ppl are aware of, i'm sure) and access the gendered privileges that one might associate with maleness, and it's not as if legally being female = one is entirely excluded from enacting gendered violence or accessing gendered privileges. it's messy. those are two very simplistic examples that include the word "might" because a the end of the day, there aren't any rules that determine who is "actually" what because the series of "tests" that society subjects us to in order to determine that are incoherent, since gender has no essence to it. it's not nuance, its nonsense.

transmisogynists insist that genitalia or assigned sex determines how you're gendered but a cashier once told me that he thought i was a man because i was wearing flannel. the only assumption i can make as to why other people read me as having been camab (i say that because people often either insist i'm a man or they've told me they thought i was transfem at first) is because i have some physical features that society labels as "male" and some of my autism/ADHD traits are ones that society also labels as "male" (e.g. lack of volume control making me very loud.) those are also very simple examples because ofc much more goes into gendered violence than just how random people w/o institutional power perceive you, but the point is that gender's rules are pretty nonsensical based on how people actually apply them. i have a social experience that one could arguably call "both male and female" but that doesn't feel like at all an accurate assessment of what it's like for me whatsoever (enough that it feels like misgendering) - and i certainly don't see myself as "tma." that being said, i think i'm one of those people who can't be neatly sorted into "socially located as female" vs. "socially located as male." i think i'm socially located as a (tme) marginalized gender subject, but that kind of subjective experience isn't the norm.

that doesn't mean there aren't experiences that are typical of womanhood or experiences that are typical of manhood. if there weren't then the whole framework of patriarchy and misogyny wouldn't hold up very well. but the "typical" part is kinda key because acting as if there is some singular, concrete thing that distinguishes the "male experience" from the "female experience" is conceding the point that men and women are essentially different, which is something that reinforces patriarchy rather than deconstructing it, and "men oppress women" is not a singular, concrete thing to me in this instance because the ways in which that tangibly occurs are incredibly varied and complex, with a myriad of factors always being involved, which is a fact that people like MRAs and transmisogynists will try to exploit for the sake of their (trans)misogynistic views.

so it's like, at the end of the day, yeah - binaries are bullshit, but also we need what some might call vague generalizing/binaristic language for the sake of discussing literally anything at all in a way that is comprehensible. the frameworks/concepts of patriarchy and (trans)misogyny don't suddenly fall apart if we acknowledge the ~nuance~ of how gender works and is affected by different factors because the whole point is that these things are deeply embedded, broader sociocultural trends, not that they're absolute rules with zero exceptions in what some discussion about them might sometimes imply. (trans) men being subjected to violence that is defined by or wrapped up in (trans)misogyny or (trans) women circumstantially also wielding (trans)misogyny against other (trans)women doesn't mean that (trans)misogyny shouldn't be about (trans) women.

the issue here, i think, doesn't have to do w/ how someone identifies (that dog won't hunt) so much as how they actually grapple with that complexity and how they use it to relate to others. to use an example from that one post i rb'd earlier, someone labeling themselves as a "transfemmasc gaybilesbian" and then talking about how oppressive and evil and binaristic both assigned sex labels and the label "tme" is, is - in practice - someone who is against any concise language happening irt discussion of transmisogyny, and - in addition - any concise language that would denote whether they're someone who is capable of enacting gendered violence against trans women in the way only non-trans women can. and then it gets 10x worse when you see that same person reblogging posts about how transmisandry real and trans womanhood is not a gender category that sits beneath trans manhood on a hierarchical scale.

if trans women can't use "transfem" to talk about transmisogyny, can't use "camab/cafab," and can't use "tme/tma," then they can't use anything. this usually happens in the case of trans other trans people who are, in fact, tme, and them being tme is part of what enables them to be able to do this in the first place, because it is apparent to anyone who pays attention that trans women and other camab trans people are typically not afforded the same room to treat gender identity like a playground in the way that tme trans people are, when looking at things from the perspective of transmisogyny.

like, at that point, i can only assume you believe yourself to be incapable of gendered violence in any meaningful sense/are dodging any sense of accountability, and are using the obfuscation of difference and meaning of terms to your advantage as someone who does in fact possess privilege in terms of gender, lol. everyone does to some extent when you include factors that significantly affect one's relationship to the gender binary such as race, disability, etc.

#asks #Anonymous #gender #transmisogyny #misogyny #mine

[sable-dream]

Do you have any advice for a newly awakened Sable therian?

Hi! Congrats on finding your identity! :3

As for advice (a lot of this is general/not sable specific advice):

Try literally anything you want. Eat like a sable, wear clothes in sable colors, try on gear, do quadrobics if you feel like it, etc etc etc. If it sounds fun and seems like it'll help you connect with your identity more then there's no harm in (safely) trying it! (Obviously avoid doing dangerous things like eating raw chicken or trying to jump 3 feet in the air on your first try doing quads.)

Related to the last point, don't force yourself to do anything you don't want to or don't enjoy doing or causes you pain. If quadrobics is hurting your arms or a tail is giving you a rash then stop doing it. That's completely fine and your health, safety, and comfort come first.

Remember that therian social media is extremely skewed in favor of therianthropy, and that all therians have hobbies and interests outside of just being a therian! I made the mistake of trying to make therianthropy my entire identity when I first awakened and I ended up completely miserable because of it - so I try to help newly awakened therians avoid that pitfall lol

Relating to the first point - just... do stuff you want to. Make that stimboard, design that mask, wear a tail, whatever you want. This is a community based around identity and there are essentially no rules (other than the obvious 'don't be a bigot or a creep' lol).

If you're looking for specific gear recommendations, you can find cat mask bases here, (I personally realized recently I don't really like wearing masks but I know other people like them lol) and I'm not too sure on places to ethically source real tails from as all of mine were second hand, so you're probably better off asking someone else. (Thrift stores are a good option if you're looking for fur in general.) You can also find custom animal ears all over etsy, but I can't really vouch for that in terms of quality because I've never bought any.

As for food, Sables are primarily carnivores so you're going to want to lean towards meat-y things if you want a more sable-like diet. I really like rabbit the few times I've had it, and if you want to feel a bit more connected or whatever you can always eat meat off the bone in the form of drumsticks or wings.

My favorite non-meat options are: Mushrooms, berries (including preserves and jams!), nuts like pine nuts (sunflower seeds make a good substitute), eggs, leafy greens such as lettuce, and anything with a crunch to it makes a pretty good insect replacement (or you could get dried insects but. pricey lol). Also I've mentioned this before but I LOVE pasta and noodles because they remind me of worms which is kinda gross but whatever XD

In terms of clothing: THICK stuff helps emulate fur, as does... actually wearing fur (faux or real) (love sweatshirts for this reason). Go for browns and tans to near-black coloration if you're looking for specific colors - really just look up sable pictures and match your clothing to that.

I haven't done quadrobics in months so you might have to ask someone else for advice on that one, however: Go SLOW with it, take your time, don't do anything unsafe, etc. Your wrists are FRAGILE and need to be protected.

That's all I can think of rn - I hope this helped, and good luck on figuring everything out, anon! :3

#therian #therian community #sable therian #sablekin #therianthropy #therian gear #dream.does.asks #therian advice

[freyjathelynx]

i’m not really sure if i get “community”.

it’s not that i don’t respect the efforts everyone puts into having one. it’s kinda beautiful how people work so hard to make sure other people are kept safe and included. the term itself just feels… watered down, representing the loosest forms of social association.

take the average discord “community”. what really binds them together, especially anything larger than, say, 100 people at most — some cultural icon, a loose identity status, a meme, a video game? i run two public discords, both of which are healthy and have many active users, but i can hardly call them “community” in the sense that i think these people are bonded.

i think about old queer associations a lot. i’ve been thinking about it tonight, reading about early queer publications and raids on gay bars, and how they were the main ways of queer expression back then. we live in times with far greater access to queerness — we’re broadly more accepted, technology gives us queers at our fingertips, and yet it’s not hard to feel lonely. certainly i wouldn’t wish to go back to the time of the lavender scare, but i can’t help but feel like as queer people become more normalized the idea of “community” among us inevitably will break down.

it’s not hard to imagine why, in my opinion. association solely based on common traits is the most fickle — human nature loves to divide and categorize individuals, and this isn’t even uniquely negative. we’re not naturally inclined to think so abstractly — pack animals at nature, we’re always willing to bow to the tides of social pressure even when it might not be a sound idea.

the viciousness people try to leverage what little social power they have in any “community” may never go away. it feels inevitable. it doesn’t help i feel largely disconnected from my own queerness due to things as simple as not liking a lot of the things “queer people” are into, at least in a stereotypical sense.

when i moved to san francisco i quickly tried my hand at getting into the “trans community” here so i could meet friends and find that community so many promise. i found out a lot out that community is locked behind a few social events that are living hell for an autistic dweeb like me. loud lesbian bars with EDM just aren’t my speed — my attempts at participating in this “community” ended mostly in regret, overstim, and retreating into my little turtle shell like every time i tried to reach out throughout my developing years. that’s not to say i didn’t ever successfully meet people and find connections, but that i just didn’t find “community” like i promised. the gateway events feel not aimed at queers, but a section of queers, ones interested in things i have no desire to partake in. this same thing happens with furries too — much of it is centered around cons which i just have very little appetite for despite my attempts at going to them since i started my adult life after college. the only community i really feel a real part of, even slightly, is one forged entirely within my extended polycule, and even that feels precarious given that i feel substantially different to many of my partners and metamours.

i feel like a social vagrant often. floating between different places and not feeling accepted wherever i go. i know part of it is me getting in my own way, im sure of it, but you’d feel like at some point someone would just try pulling you in, yeah?

at the end of the day most “community” feels like adhoc friend groups with some pizazz applied. this has happened in the past, happens now, and may never stop happening. people will always use each other for clout. “communities” in name only will serve to perpetuate hustle and certain social interests, never just association on an inherent trait.

am I just too neurodivergent for socializing? am I so much an alien I am doomed to a life of bouncing between people who all seem more capable of “community” than me? am i just the problem? or is community in of itself a problem?

for neurotypicals i imagine “common interest” groups work well. going to disc golf saturdays with the boys probably builds strong friendships. as a neurodivergent person i find those groups scary — not just because of my general anxiety, but because of my past trauma trying to fit into neurotypical life and failing to.

i want this idea of community so many of us are convinced exists, but its so hard to see the proof. i would love a community founded on mutual love and respect, one inclusive of people with all sensory needs, one based on interest in each other and not board games or intoxicated clubbing. i guess thats why im so into polyamory — it feels like my only legitimate venue for social attention that doesn’t give me panic attacks just for existing in.

do i dislike these events because i just don’t vibe with them? or is it just a fear of rejection? i have no idea. i’d like to see a therapist and hash this out but they’re so expensive and i’m so unsmployed.

i hope that community is out there. it doesn’t need to be perfect, but it needs to be better than i’ve experienced. am i just expecting too much? do i just not do enough for myself? what do i need to do to not feel like an outcast even among my own kin?

#autism #neurodiversity #isolation #anxiety #community #vent post #personal vent

[deadn30n]

so, in the spirit of Sunday shenanigans, i wanted to go into a little depth on Solstice/Eden and how their body works! i've had a few personal inquiries in private about it from people i've been writing with and i realized i never really went into super, super big depth here

to clarify: the concept of gender is actually incredibly SIMPLE in the world of DEADN30N. your gender is not defined by the genitalia you are born with; this is a concept that was thrown in the trash a very long time ago because by this point, humans have long since evolved from the 'gender norms' that the society of today loves assigning to themselves ( and other people ) instead, gender is defined by what you prefer to identify as, regardless of what you're born with. if you have a penis and you say you're a woman? then you're a woman. if you have a vagina and/or tits & say you're a man? then you're a man. if you have any of these physical traits and identify as anything else including nothing at all (agenderism), then that is what you are, regardless of what's in your pants. YOU are in control, nobody else is allowed to tell you otherwise. literally nobody cares, respect is given regardless. genitalia =/= gender. there's also so much science in today's modern society backing this statement that it's utterly stupid we're still limiting ourselves based on such basic concepts. so naturally i created a world in the book that didn't contain these limitations. && the beautiful thing about DEADN30N is that people are constantly reconstructing themselves. by this i mean it is a cyberpunk style world where you have the capabilities to augment your body how you wish. if you're dissatisfied with what you were born with in any capacity, you have the ability to change it to your liking. pretty nifty, right? it's also free of charge because money isn't the primary source of income anymore.

so the next question is: HOW DOES THIS APPLY TO SOLSTICE BECAUSE THEY'RE BOTH AN ANGEL & A MACHINE?

i've made mention of this in the past, but the world of DEADN30N follows the original concept of angels being entirely GENDERLESS. they follow the concept of agenderism ( no particular gender identity ) and lack genitals entirely, actually, because angels do not reproduce. because of this fact, God saw fit not to give them any genitals. they do figure out how to give themselves genitals later on ( or the whole story about angels doing raunchy things with humans wouldn't exist ) but they kinda do that under God's nose. even though they can give themselves genitals, they're still agender. so i will once again stress that whether or not you have gentials, you can still identify as agender. as any preferred gender. ( i add this particular keynote here because i've been misinterpreted in the past about this. it wasn't their fault, i just wasn't concise enough in explaining myself! so i'm doing my best here to do that ).

this means that Eden themselves do not possess genitals. but they do possess the capabilities of giving themselves genitals, should a situation arise where they require them. ( if it's a little confusing to understand, just imagine a ken doll with no clothes on. that's Eden at their most basic appearance LOL )

i designed Eden specifically around the concept of androgyny. their physique carries both masculine & feminine traits, but does not put them in either category. while some might lean more toward one or the other ( regardless of their personal identity ), Eden falls more in the middle. they're beautiful, yes, but somewhat muscular. they're tall, a little intimidating, but actually quite gentle. the body you see in front of you is actually a container to conceal their biblically acurrate angelic form ( think lots of eyes and mouths and tentacles -- you get the point ). this was to spare humans the fright of seeing what angels actually look like, and why i often label them as a cosmic horror ( because they are ).

if you're wondering: so how do i fuck the robot if it has no genitals? it's really simple.

just ask.

in their time spent on Earth, Eden was able to adapt to humanity's ability to augment themselves with their preferred genitals. && because they're an angel, they also inherently held this ability to begin with, but were unaware because they aren't a traditional angel, but a mechanical one instead. this means that depending on what their partner prefers, Eden can temporarily equip either or ( dick or vagina, even neither if their partner just asks Eden to use toys instead! ). they also have tentacles for you freaks who like fucking monsters and those can be used too.

this applies to mostly their main verse ( the world of DEADN30N ).

in almost every other verse Eden has a vagina, unless otherwise specified. their own personal preference is a vagina because they like the feeling + toys exist so they can be creative with the humans they sleep with if they so desire -- and if their partner consents. so here's some pictures of how Eden can change their appearance, I hope you enjoy :))) and i hoped this post cleared up any confusion ♥

happy sunday you goobers

#CHARACTER STUDY: EDEN CIELO. #there is some n/ud/i/t.y under the cut so be warned #anyway hi #what can i say except they're hot as heck #love this funky little robot creature

[etincelleart]

Honestly, my ideal Penny is one who's mostly or entirely mechanical, loves being mostly or entirely mechanical, but is able to refuel using food somehow.

Just, getting rid of the mechanical body feels like taking away Blake's cat ears, an important part of the character's identity is just GONE all of a sudden.

Plus, Penny being entirely mechanical was the one thing stopping the Atlas Arc from being disgustingly ableist. (I'm just going to say there's a reason I put more focus on how Ironwood treats other people's bodies versus him exercising his own bodily autonomy when I want him to raise red flags in my fics.)

Heck, my ideal Winter is a paralytic who relies on mobility aids to get around. (Here's how Cyborg!Winter can still win!)

There's a reason I'm hoping that reviving Penny would cost Winter the Maiden Powers. We need more positive disabled rep in canon.

I see what you mean, but in that case they shouldn't have made her human at all then. I completely agree about the fact that her robotic functions and abilities are amazing and make her really strong and unique, like when she gave precise directions to go in the military base, or when she detected Cinder's warmth in Amity so she was able to tell the difference with all the clones. But what I think would be cruel is to make her human (and she was surprised/shocked, but not displeased by it), and put her back in a robotic body. What's the point of making her human and open so much doors and possibilities for her to explore every aspect of humanity, if it's for closing it right away and putting her back into a body we already know ? We had several volumes when she was there to discover her android abilities, and even if she's always full of surprises, I think making her human kinda makes it impossible (to me) for her to go back into a robotic body. It's like a step forward for her to really live her life, and it would feel weird for me if she was just in a metallic body once again. But I can understand why people would prefer a robot Penny, and I would be completely ok with it IF she didn't have that human body from Ambrosius at the end of Volume 8. But putting her back into a robotic body really feels like gaining the ability to smell, to touch, to feel the world in a empirical way, only to shut it down immediately and keep her to what she was before. Narratively it wouldn't really make sense to me :'] And even if robot Penny was incredible during V8, I think human Penny still has a lot to discover ! I mean there's this whole empirical aspect of course (what would I do to see her eat food or drink for the first time--). But she also doesn't have any Semblance, during the short time she was human she didn't get the time to discover it. Depending on what it is, it could be something really interesting to discover, just like Jaune unlocked his Semblance !

As for Winter, I like how she was helped by some exoskeleton at the beginning of Volume 8, it was nice to see her struggling for a bit after what Cinder did to her at the end of V7. I like Winter as the Winter Maiden tho, it makes sense for her and she seems more confident in that position than Penny was, because Penny never wanted these powers and Winter finally learned to accept them and embrace them to help her do her best. I wouldn't be mad if the Maiden powers could just disappear too someday, I don't want Penny to be the Maiden back, it's either Winter stays the Maiden, or the powers finally disappear because idk, who knows what could happen at the end of RWBY, the two Brothers and the Blacksmith could definitely be involved. But yeah I thought that if Ozma and Salem finally stop their war and decide to rest, then the magic they gave to people (as Ozma gave magic to the Maidens) would disappear as well.

#rwby #rwby discussion #discussion #theory #rwby theory #penny #penny polendina #penny revival #penny 3.0 #robot #android #human #maiden #winter maiden #winter #winter schnee #cinder #cinder fall

[starsfic]

Are there any theories as to purple demon girl’s identity cuz apparently she can block an attack from MK and Mei

I've mainly heard that she's possibly a relative of Yin and Jin from @winterpower98. Do I have my own thoughts related to my thoughts about what is required to defeat the big bad? Yes.

“You two.”

Yin and Jin looked up in time to see the monkey in the red cheongsam plop down across from them, her near hair bun barely moving. They had honestly expected to be left alone in this corner of the pub as they ate dinner. Demons had avoided them since they had lost their kingdom, except when they needed something stolen or something. Yin elbowed Jin and the orange demon straightened. This was a client, possibly, so they needed to look good. At least for something to soothe the balm of the calabash failure. “Hey there…” he said, leaning on the table. “You need something, missy?”

The monkey eyed them both. It was uncommon to see a demon monkey around, but neither would put up a fuss about a client. “Yeah,” she finally said. “I wanna know what kind of research you put into the Monkie Kid before you put him in that calabash.”

The words were so cold and blunt that Jin could only blink. “Uh…what?”

The monkey sighed, rubbing her temples. “I mean, seriously. You only followed him for an hour and based the entire program on that!”

“Hey!” Yin poked his head up. “We followed him for more than an hour!”

“No, no, you’re right. You were going into hour two and got distracted by boba.”

“How did you know-?”

“I mean, seriously.” The monkey demon pulled out a cell phone and tapped on something. She turned it so they could see the screen. “You didn’t even check his social media!” Front and center was a picture from last June, with the Monkie Kid waving a trans flag while wearing a gay pride shirt. The dragon girl was happily beaming as she waved a lesbian pride flag with a demiaro flag. “If you did, I’m not sure how you got a romantic relationship from this.”

“Uhh…” Jin glanced back at Yin. His twin gave an awkward little shrug. Neither of them had thought to check social media, it seemed. “I mean, you kinda have a point- Wait!” He glared her down. “What do you want?! Who do you think you are, yelling at us-”

A bag hit the table. Yin grabbed it and opened it, revealing several fat stacks of yuans.

“I’m the person who’s hiring you to check out Pigsy’s Noodles.” A booklet was pushed forward, marked with a panda logo. Jin grabbed it and flipped through. “The person who came up with the plan to make sure this man is trustworthy to be around my brother now that I know where he is.” Before either one of them could ask about the brother part, she ran her hands over her face. A purple-horned demon glared them down. “The person who will be keeping an eye on you to make sure things go smoothly. Clear?”

Yin and Jin exchanged glances.

Okay, this woman was crazy. That much was clear. But she was paying a lot of money and offering a business. And, besides, they could always find a way to turn this plan for their own gain…

They grinned.

“Deal.”

#You idiots will die without me #won't you? #my writing #Yin #Jin #LMK #Monkie KId #LEGO Monkie Kid #Demon Accountant #She's named Ba and she promptly lost control the moment they stepped into the arena and ends up realizing #prompt fill #prompt fic #fic #fanfic #fanfiction

[maoth-fuath]

Personal post/ dumb post

One of the convos online that I think have messed me up probably the most, is convos where people discuss feminine presentation vs masculine, or "gender" presentation in general. I think it's really hard to look at people constantly hyper analyzing how other people view them and not go crazy. I think this is also true in feminist convos. Like, I don't think I've experienced much judgment from people. However, I think people maybe go a little far in talking Abt how they KNOW how straight people view certain styles. Or how people are viewing their gender. Or how people are viewing their style in general. Like, the queering of style in general? Acting like you know a certain style is only worn by queer people. Like I like to be both masculine and feminine at the same time but I don't think Abt it in the grand scheme of things and when I do I go crazy. I just wear what I like. If I analyze how straight men feel Abt it. Or how random people feel Abt it. It just hurts. Bec I just like stuff that feels like me. I'm literally not trying to impress men. I'm also not thinking Abt people in public formulating opinions Abt me. I hate thinking Abt all the conversations overanalyzing feminine behaviors. I literally don't wear makeup except for sometimes gold eyeliner Bec I really love how it looks. And, I hate both A. The weird discourse around makeup. And B. Feeling like I'd be judged by these people for even the little makeup I do wear. OR they'd go off abt how weird makeup is actually revolutionary Bec men don't like it? And only femme queer people wear it? Idk, like it just hurts. I just literally don't want to give a shit what anyone thinks Abt my presentation. Or what they assume Abt my relationship or gender. The assumptions are all so stupid. And you 99% of the time can't actually assume what people think. Sometimes people aren't thinking what you think they're thinking. There's a type of queer person who acts like straight people are literally terrified of them Bec "they can't tell my gender it's too whacky". When in all reality sometimes people are just confused? Not scared. And I don't know why you act like this gives you insane power. When it kinda just sounds exhausting to think Abt 24/7 and try to maintain it. + You come off kinda self obsessed Bec I don't think everyone cares abt your presentation as much as you think they do. I hate feeling self obsessed. I think that bec I have ocd I end up fixating on this type of stuff. Bec it's painful to think that A. I know what everyone is thinking based on their sexuality or whatever, but B. That it's very one dimensional always. Bec "straight people are boring/predictable ect" Sorry this post is just a vent post. I've been thinking Abt identity. And I just don't care what gender or sexuality people think I have anymore. Or what that "means" Abt me. I also don't gender anything. So when I wear fem/masc things I just think of them as comfy..not as a way to express my gender or my entire Identity to them. It shouldn't be that deep. Gender is just so boring. I just like things when they are fun and comfy. I'm not trying to present a nonbinary gender thesis when I wear what I want. I don't even think Abt my behaviors being masculine or feminine until people point them out. And the pointing out of these things is exhausting. I get why these convos happen they just go so far. And become so alien and unrelatable.

[solradguy]

Might be an odd question, and I'm sorry if it's already been asked, but how did you come up with your fursona?

Not odd at all!! But it's a long story hahah I gotta start from the very absolute beginning. Minor warning for a mention of animal death.

So the first one was an orange and white cat with an olive green trench coat, glowing neon green eyes, a red bandanna (pirate-style, not ninja-style), and they had 7 stripes on their tail. They happened sort of on accident because I was actually 12 years old and couldn't draw humans in a way I was satisfied with and just drew people with cat heads instead. Idk where I got that idea from, probably Thundercats or Swat Katz or something lol. Eventually this character evolved from being based on my actual cat, Toby, to being a character I used to represent myself, 7oby. This fursona is what I refer to as 7oby v.1. They had a sword too, Excalon, that made a blade of frozen ice that was powered by the radiation that my fursona absorbed. I wanted to write a comic with them at once point and had a whole setting and cast fleshed out but this was right around when I entered a very dark period and self-criticism kept it from ever happening.

Unfortunately, Toby, the cat 7oby v.1 was based on, passed away in early 2013. I was really close to this cat, we'd been through a lot together. Around this time I was kind of falling out with the idea of having a fursona too and Toby's death made drawing 7oby v.1 feel... depressing. I tried mixing up their design a little around this time and decided it would be best to just retire them entirely.

This led to 7oby v.2, which was an android with a powerplug tail and 4 motorcycle exhaust pipes on his head lol. I was going through a lot of identity changes around this time (2013-2014) and had a falling out with a friend where they called me a robot and I got a little spiteful about it. I still kind of like 7oby v.2's design but he was a pain in the ass to draw. He didn't last long.

In 2015 I started missing having an actual fursona. I'd gotten a little back into the fandom and having a fuzzy guy I could draw hanging out with my friends' fuzzy guys is a lot of fun. But I needed to design a fuzzy guy again. I didn't know what species to go with and I didn't want to go with a house cat again so I asked my biologist friend for ideas and he suggested a spotted hyena. This was around the time I started realizing I was probably trans so I thought female hyena biology was especially humorous. 7oby v.3 was to be a hyena.

7oby v.3 has gone through a lot of changes haha

7oby v.3 from 2015 through 2017 was just a normal spotted hyena.

From 2018 on he had a robotic endoskeleton like a Terminator and could also make super heated holographic claws and stuff.

In early 2019 I got REALLY into Legend of Zelda and Ganondorf and was like "7oby v.3 is going to be a hyena/boar hybrid now." He still had the Terminator skeleton and laser hands but now he had tusks too. I think this was around the time I gave him lightning/fire magic and decided to combine him with my art mascot, the Somnivagrant, too. Somni's a genderless, amorphous, eyeless, dream demon. It kind of looks like a white dog/wolf and has a sun orb between its ears. The Somnivagrant hitches a ride on my fursona (like a ghost) for fun.

2021 7oby v.3 (the last redesign I've done) is pretty much the same as 2019 but I cleaned up his general anatomy a little and brought back 7oby v.1's Excalon as a giant laser gunsword. Of course.

I think v.3 has gone through more changes than the other two because I've also changed an incredible amount between 2015 to now, but I think, too, that on some level I just don't entirely vibe with v.3. Like v.1 was absolutely me, v.2 was honestly just a stepping stone, and v.3's just kinda... I dunno. I think it might be time for v.4.

#asks #v.3's been my fursona longer than the other two combined but I drew v.1 more by FAR #I redo my reference sheet every couple years and it's funny tracking my interests over time with them lol #I can post them all if anyone wants to see them

[shivasdarknight]

#wolqotd So I haven't really made a decision on a ship for my Wol/NPC. How did you guys decide on who you wanted your Wols to be with? Was it a certain moment? Or just something that made too much sense?

So, as a forward: I did not go into this with any ships in mind. When I first started to think about Surkukteni as a character, some of that came to mind but I was already midway through Stormblood. Misaki was barely a character, and I'd only just started to play around with ideas for Katsuro - the others were just...not there or just hollow shells (Sera and Teo weren't, Gwen was on Crystal, and V'ahnie is. non existent).

Surkie was always meant to be sapphic. When I first started writing her, I knew I wanted to lean into sapphic stuff but I wasn't set on her identity just yet. This all came with developing her character because I found that it was easier for me to figure out romantic stuff once her character was actually concrete. This is also how I ruled people out.

Yugiri was a first consideration mostly because I personally thought she was cute, but the Steppe Arc made that difficult to stomach so she was no longer a consideration. This was also when I was lamenting the fact that Ysayle's canonically dead because she would've been perfect.

I go off of chemistry and narrative similarities, so the first thing that actually clicked was one I didn't want to click: Surkie/Estinien. I was still pissed at this douchebag for Heavensward and how he treated Ysayle, and again I was really hoping for something sapphic but was getting frustrated that out of the entire cast that was still alive, it was him that actually worked really well with Surkie. Similar narrative points, similar drives, easy rivals and competitive dumbasses. They embodied a lot of the stuff that I enjoyed in ships - especially m/f shit like Ashitaka/San - and I kinda compensated for a long time with them being FWB but not officially together.

Aymeric was thrown in there as a why not, but that developed into a very different kind of relationship that I was off and on with until I settled on their coworkers dynamic and working through shared issues - it also clicked more when I finally said Fuck It and made Aymeric trans. The deciding factor on keeping him in her relationship was the fact that they began to have chemistry once I stepped out of the usual modes people take with Aymeric and focused on coworkers, queerness, and frankly politics.

It's also for this same reason as to why I kept G'raha out when he used to initially be in there. At first I thought it was fun that they had parallel desires - she was an adventurer wanting to get into archaeology, he's an anthropologist (archaeology is under anthropology) who wanted to be an adventurer - but the more I developed them the less they worked out? Like yeah, similar desires and all and he's a political figure but they only really work as friends. Them being romantic felt like I was acting out the usual tropes and I couldn't really feel out any chemistry between them. Friends, absolutely. Romantic partners? ...Eh.

AND THEN I GOT OVER MYSELF ABOUT STICKING STRICLY TO CANON LMAO

So anyways, Ysayle.

I had a lot of hangups about what to do with her because I only got more attached the further I got away from Heavensward. Everything that she stood for resonated greatly with Surkie and the lack of her in MSQ - especially when it was relevant - was deeply apparent. So eventually I just got kind of sick of writing her as a was and began my rewrite. Shipping her with Surkie just kind of came naturally as that way into sapphic stuff I'd wanted initially, but I didn't want her entire thing to be based around being in a wolnpc ship, yeah? Like. She's still Ysayle, she's still got her own stuff.

The decision to have Surkie have feelings for her is yet again chemistry, but the deeper relationship and narrative emphasis - such as perpetually reincarnating soulmates - came later on as I built Ysayle up and even made her an ancient self in Khione. I made Cylva her shard, and that got elaborated in Surkie's fling with Cylva. Philomène is her Fourth shard that interacts with Saoirse. Macchi is her immediate past life and ties her to both Bahamut and Tiamat.

The more I fleshed this out, the more the relationship became entwined with narrative nonsense about cyclical relationships that end in tragedy except this one with Surkie and Ysayle because Surkie fought against the script. This became the core ship because of how intrinsically tied it is to the story even though both can stand on their own. So much revolves around these two - trauma or otherwise - and yeah it's the most important thing in the story.

Venat comes attached to that as the lover of Charon (Surkie) and Khione (Ysayle). I'd seen some people do stuff with Venat/Ysayle (which I Adore) and thought it could be fun to include Venat in the stuff with surkysayle. Venat and Surkie had some nice similarities and chemistry, and I wound up really liking the idea that Surkie and Ysayle have Venat's traveler's mark because that connection back to Charon and Khione. So beyond just chemistry, it ended up deeply affecting the wider story. It's another core ship that comes into play much later on.

Heustienne is new and it's mostly because I wanna give her more spotlight. Also, Ysayle/Heustienne is cute. I still don't know how she fits in with the Engaged Quad (Surkie, Estinien, Ysayle, Aymeric - Aymeric proposed right as they left for Sharlayan), but I do know that she's at least with Surkie and Ysayle. It's definitely also fun as she stands as one of the three folks affected by the Dragonsong War with ties to the Knights Dragoon that all got aetherically fucked somehow - Estinien obviously, but also Melisande who's an oc of mine. Having her with Surkie and Ysayle fits a lot thematically, especially since I'm making her a Scion and engaging with ENW.

Yotsuyu was originally in Surkie's relationships due to how similar they are (and also because I like Yotsuyu/Ysayle), but that similarity wound up being what made me reconsider. Seeing as Surkie's captain/father is Doman, I don't think she could look past what she did even if she feels for Yotsuyu. She's sympathetic, keeps her alive, and helps her start a new life elsewhere but I don't think she could find herself romantically involved whatsoever.

That's where Melisande comes in. Melisande is a bastard of Ishgard who loathes her homeland and has no desires on ever going back - she'd rather see them burn. In this way, she and Yotsuyu are Fucking Perfect, especially in terms of Yotsuyu post-everything as they try and negotiate what to even do without necessarily redeeming Yotsuyu? Like, she's hurt but she's also horrible. And who better to love her than a horrible woman like Melisande?

I think I just liked the idea of Katsuro inbetween thanuri, especially with how his weirdness is actually understood by Urianger, and Thancred is very patient with him too. The schemes, the secrecy - it just kinda works? I like their ups and downs too. G'raha is a thought, but I'm still working on that. It's not really a "fuck it we ball" situation because I think they look good together, I tend to sit on this stuff for a while before making it a serious ship. So I'm bouncing around ideas of how Katsuro would interact with the Exarch, the fact that I've got G'raha having a huge crush on Katsuro (which will be there regardless of if they're together or not), trying to like...ig feel out if they've got chemistry or not? Scenarios, conversations, trying to see if there's any conflicting shit. Katsu's stint with Emet sure would count, but that also affects thanuri anyways and that was a case of Katsu being horribly manipulated. So we'll see where that goes for G'raha.

Gwendoline is with Y'shtola, Nidhana, and Zero. I didn't have her with anyone for a long time because originally it was an oc named Skuld, but that felt hollow? Like just trying to pair people together who weren't with anyone yet. Especially when Surkie and Gwen have great chemistry and history, but that's oc / oc. The more that I began to develop Gwen and have her more involved in things, the more I began to like her having this long relationship with Y'shtola as practitioners of forbidden magicks and deeply curious individuals who both enable each other but also hold the other accountable. Y'shtola has turned into a really nice partner for Gwen mostly because they're able to deal with the other's bullshit and can see right through the other. They've been together since Y'shtola's return in Heavensward, which has been fun considering the immediate challenges and then Stormblood, but regardless she's a very loving partner and I enjoy their banter (which is what sold me on it). She's also perfectly fine with Y'shtola having a partner in Runar, even if they have to discuss it after they reunite. So yeah, Runar is a metamour and there's nothing there between Gwen and him (also she's like. a lesbian.). He's just a nice guy who helped take care of her girlfriend.

NIDHANA WAS ME BEING A TINY BIT PETTY LMAO I ADORE Nidhana and was getting tired of people just constantly picking the most random ass men to ship with, so I just scooped Nidhana up and threw her between Gwen and Y'shtola. Again: eccentric researcher who meshes well with both of their interests. She would be SO into Gwen's necromantic research and just a good fit for these two. Yeah, it does result in 3 people who can't take care of themselves or sleep at reasonable hours, but they're fun and that's what counts!

Zero is a recent addition for Gwen and Y'shtola. This one's mostly built on them helping her acclimate to the Source. This one only works because Gwen has taken a long time to get where she's at presently. If this were ARR, it wouldn't work. Gwen and Zero are built on Gwen's other relationships, notably with Surkukteni. This one is one that I've recently started fleshing out mostly because I like the idea of Zero building something new with Gwen and Y'shtola. I just think they're cute together. Chemistry is tougher with this one as Zero's slowly growing into her own character, but I like the idea of her working through internalized issues and trauma with two people who are extremely patient with her.

basically it's just a lot of chemistry and weighing the benefits of how it would impact the narration and characters or not. G'raha didn't bring much to Surkie but seems to be better fit with Katsuro. Ysayle adds a lot of dimension to Surkie and her interactions, while Yotsuyu is better suited with Melisande.

I'm constantly changing things because polyam fun, but like. Idk, I just think it's fun to play with chemistry and see how people grow with each other.

#original #final fantasy xiv #ffxiv #wolestinien #wolysayle #wolaymeric #wolvenat #wolheustienne #wolshtola #wolzero #wolnidhana #wolyotsuyu #woltsuyu #wolyshtola #answered wol questions #answered wol question #writing #wow would you look at all these ladies #it's almost like i really care about sapphic ships or something #surkukteni #surkie #gwen #gwendoline #katsu #katsuro

[kazhanko-art]

So a lot of things are going on in the world, so in light of that I acknowledge this is sorta silly comparatively, and I also know this isn’t some revolutionary idea, but it’s on my mind and I want to get it down, and hopefully, hear some other thoughts.

See, I was thinking about Canada, and the cultures here, and in particular Ukrainian Canadian culture. And one of the things about Ukrainian Canadian culture is that a lot of it is centred around dance: dance clubs, events, you name it, almost everything centres around it or at least it is treated as the big event; there’s always at least one dance show, and usually we’ll have a kolomeyka where the dancers get to show off again. It’s to the point where in Ukrainian Canadian culture, dance is considered the most important thing, an automatic Ukrainian card, above anything else, even language at times. And it’s great; dance is fun, it builds community, and it’s probably a pretty big reason why Ukrainian diaspora culture and identity is more stable than other diasporas.

But it kinda occurred to me: what do you if you can’t afford to go these clubs? What do you do if you’re disabled and physically can’t dance?

I don’t think this is something unique to Ukrainian Canadians, at minimum I think a lot of this also applies to Indigenous Canadians in much more serious ways, but Ukrainian is what I know so I’m gonna look at through that lens (feel free to chime in if this speaks to you from a different community)

I sorta wonder if who considers themselves Ukrainian and how the community is formed is impacted by this. I wonder how big the barrier is on who can afford to be Ukrainian. Never mind, again, people who can’t participate because of disabilities or illness. The idea of culture being commodified, and art being impacted and restrained because of profit based culture is nothing new, but it only recently occurred to me how much diaspora culture relies on this to maintain itself, because that’s how you carve out an acceptable niche for yourself. And it means entire communities can be wiped out purely by being unable to access the commodity that is that cultural identity, whether because of money or ability.

Outside of dance, the only other major hubs for Ukrainian diaspora culture are scouting organizations and churches; the former are generally very political and aren’t necessarily designed to be for everyone, while the latter are experiencing the general shift away from traditional organized religion in North America, plus any other issues you can imagine with churches.

So what do you do if you can’t afford to be Ukrainian?What do you do if you can’t afford to be anything? What do you do if you can’t access these cultural communities, and how do you maintain culture when it’s no longer profitable?

Again, Ukrainian dance is incredibly important to Ukrainian Canadian culture, and I’m not saying we should get rid of it, but I do think we need to expand and create ways of engaging and organizing community that don’t have as many accessibility issues, and allow for the creation and replication of culture that isn’t trying to survive a very profit prioritized society.

Idk, thoughts?

#ukraine #canada #alberta #ukrainian canadian #diaspora cultures #diaspora #Ukrainian diaspora #classism #ableism #culture #capitalism #anti capitalism #cultural identity #canadian #ukrainian #tankies don’t interact #thoughts #my thoughts #north america