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A beautiful and intact 13th century church at Gumfreston, south Wales (with a later medieval tower).
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A break in the weather up at the Old Man of Storr, Skye 2017.
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Like dysphoria doesn't always last forever and dysphoria doesn't intrinsically= your gender. And I think that should be obvious. But, it's treated as if you have dysphoria you're being told you ARE a certain gender. Not That you CAN be. And it feels like people treat all dysphoria like people will ALWAYS have it and always want to die if they have it. People who are adults can do what they want with their bodies. And be the gender they want. But , I hate dysphoria being seen as = gender. People should feel like they have a choice. And not feel like they have to or intrinsically a certain gender Bec they have a certain centerpiece like dysphoria or like being feminine/masculine.
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The core of being a man or woman?
I feel as if basically everyone seems to agree that there is one. And I honestly do not. The idea that someone is born a gender. Is just ridiculous when all the things people tie to gender are socially constructed. Even in queer spaces it feels that people think that there is a core. And it is usually tied to femininity or masculinity. Or even some other arbitrary thing. Like equating always being feminine to always having been actually a girl. And people usually agree that being a woman/man isn't JUST feminity / masculinity yet I hear these being used like synonyms constantly. It seems like people always find a psychological thing that all people of one gender can relate on. And that's what makes gender. But, I have never related to any gender. I was born female but I don't relate to almost any conversations Abt womanhood. And it feels wrong to say someone can't be a gender Bec they don't relate to certain things. It always felt like I was being told "you are a boy" Bec I felt very masculine, didn't relate to girls, and had dysphoria. Not "you can be a boy if you want". But, it's a very gross limiting thing to be told "you are _" Bec of things that are literally socially constructed. Or aversions to my body that didn't even = gender. It feels like people will say nothing actually = gender but in the same breath say that people are born a certain gender or act basically point blank that feminine things = the person being a girl Bec of them. This is actually very common in trans spaces. I understand part of it is that if you feel you are a boy you will want to do what people say are "boy" things. But lots of times it feels like they're saying it's actually a deep intrinsic part of their brain. To simply like "boy" things Bec they are a boy. I just wish I could have been told that I can be a girl if I want to be a girl even if I didn't relate to anything people said were "girl" things. Even feeling masculine inside. I think the idea that dysphoria= gender is wrong. For a lot of reasons but also Bec I used to have dysphoria Abt things I don't anymore Bec my perspective changed. And I regret top surgery very much. I don't think I should have been allowed to remove a body part as a teen. I think this is just normal. People don't let teens do anything even get tattoos usually... And yet I was allowed to remove a body part bec it made me uncomfortable? There's multiple reasons they made me uncomfortable one being Bec I felt I was a boy and "boys don't have boobs". This was the mentality I had back then. I know a lot of trans people don't even have that mentality anymore but a lot of people still obviously do. And I just think the way people see gender is ridiculous. All of this stuff is made up. I am not a boy or a girl Bec of my masculinity or lack of. I don't relate to any convos on gender. And I wish I felt like I could be a girl sometimes but... I overall think I'm over all of it. But, also, I feel like people still paint "there's this centerpiece you have to have if you are a girl". That I simply don't have. And so I feel pushed out of being a girl by people. There's always some centerpiece. It's just different depending on who you ask. And I have almost none of those pieces. So I just feel pushed out. And wrong. I dont even think an internal sense of feminity it masculinity even means anything either. I think people at the end of the day should get to choose their genders. But I feel more like a gender abolitionist. its like people will tell you "you are born the gender you are bec of psychology" but Feeling feminine inside doesn't mean someone is a girl. It's hard to not just feel like a creature. I don't understand why not everyone doesn't see gendered things as fake by now.
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