Texts to my Therapist
[03/10, 11:39 pm] K: All of them are friends with the school friends at least a FEW
[03/10, 11:39 pm] K: And I'm not
[03/10, 11:40 pm] K: Most of all after doing something which felt like climbing Everest things with R didn't work out
[03/10, 11:40 pm] K: It just makes me feel like a failure
[03/10, 11:40 pm] K: Failure at everything
[03/10, 11:40 pm] K: Really
[03/10, 11:40 pm] K: I just really want to end everything
[03/10, 11:40 pm] K: Idk how
[03/10, 11:40 pm] K: All this pain all this love
[03/10, 11:40 pm] K: Where do I pour them
[03/10, 11:41 pm] K: Till when can I carry them
[03/10, 11:41 pm] K: Shouldn't I have some good time, good people good things happening to me
[03/10, 11:42 pm] K: I have no good friends. I can't keep relationships, didn't get into a good college can't figure out what to do with myself. Iam not getting better. I am just getting worse
[03/10, 11:42 pm] K: I am rude to people
[03/10, 11:42 pm] K: I get angry so often so much
[03/10, 11:42 pm] K: I destroy things
[03/10, 11:42 pm] K: I destroy relationships
[03/10, 11:43 pm] K: And if I was to think that okay R didn't want me do you think it makes me feel better
[03/10, 11:43 pm] K: She was my FUCKING BEST FRIEND. MY SOUL MATE. I ACTUALLY LOVED HER. ONLY HER
[03/10, 11:44 pm] K: Why do I have to pay such huge price for the mistakes for the ignorance of my teenage
[03/10, 11:44 pm] K: I too want to be friends with my old friends
[03/10, 11:44 pm] K: I too want to love someone
[03/10, 11:44 pm] K: Why don't people come into my life or don't choose me
[03/10, 11:44 pm] K: My self love isn't enough at the moment
[03/10, 11:45 pm] K: It makes me feel pathetic
[03/10, 11:46 pm] K: You'd say like anyone else I should wait. Bc obviously nobody can make things better for me. You can't bring someone into my life. I wonder is it just me????
[03/10, 11:46 pm] K: I see all the people around me having good changes
[03/10, 11:46 pm] K: I am the only one having changes that are just bad
[03/10, 11:46 pm] K: How can I find balance here??? The middle ground???
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thinking about jon jarchivist sims as i often do and one aspect of s5 jon that i LOVE but dont see too many people talking about is how shot to hell his morals get (due to him being the Literal Antichrist) but he still remains a character very very driven by his morals. which surely won't cause any issues at all.
like he asks other people what *they think* he should do so often or just does what *he thinks* is right because he's running off avatar morality which is basically 'fuck it, we ball' and jon wants to be a good person SOO BAD but he's LITERALLY THE ANTICHRIST!!! you guys....
^ this guy is fucked in the head
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Everything I Lost
I fell from Heaven.
I lost my stars, my precious creations, that beautiful nebula.
I lost my faith in God, my smile, my light. I felt unworthy, violated, scared.
It hurt. Not just the fall but everything that came with it. And everything I lost in the process.
But none of that could prepare me for my second fall. The most frightening one. When I fell for you.
And none of that hurt me more than losing you.
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I was in my therapy session and I noticed my therapist was getting mad at me. I got scared, and then realized that therapy session never happened and it was 2:30.
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I hope we get to see Zane and Nya bonding, directly or indirectly, about the love of their lives being AWOL. Partially because I like sad angst and also those two interacting. Mostly because I think it'd be really funny.
Listen. Listen to me. Neither of them are going about this mourning/panicking process the same way. Not even close. Zane has a broom with Pixal's face and is sighing longingly while looking off the Destiny's Bounty. A faraway look in his eye that makes the others feel really bad for him. When will she return from the war? When will half of his heart return to him? It feels like weeks. Months. Years. It's been four hours and in actuality he's mostly fine he's just sad about it.
Nya meanwhile is trying to subtly ask everyone if they've seen Jay around and very much acting completely Calm and Chill about it but also pretty worried underneath. She seems like she's fine. She is not. At all times she is 0.4 seconds away from yeeting herself into the sea again. Constantly down to 1v1 someone in a duel just for looking at her weird. Will kick open a door shouting at top volume if anyone's seen her cringefail of a fiancé. Her designated dragon is quite literally lightning-based. She's going through it on five different levels but if she tells anyone that she will die instantly.
And I think these two should go on a solo mission together. Thoughts?
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