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religion-is-a-mental-illness · 2 months

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By: Colin Wright

Published: Mar 5, 2024

The field of “gender medicine” has been under intense scrutiny in recent years. This attention arises from the sharp increase in the number of children and adolescents—predominantly girls—seeking treatment, with some estimates indicating more than a 40-fold rise since 2010 in many Western countries.

[ Graphs from the Society for Evidence-based Gender Medicine (SEGM) website. ]

Critics are particularly concerned with this previously overlooked branch of medicine because it treats what is fundamentally a psychological condition with extreme and irreversible body modification procedures that often result in infertility. This practice would be alarming enough if it were limited to adults, but its widespread application to children has prompted widespread alarm.

The World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH) is frequently referenced as the leading authority on transgender medicine, and its Standards of Care (SOC) are considered the gold standard. However, even a cursory examination of this ostensibly serious medical organization reveals significant issues. For instance, the latest version of their standards (SOC8), published in 2022, eliminated recommended minimum age limits for certain interventions, removed the ethics chapter entirely, and introduced a chapter on individuals who identify as eunuchs, exposing WPATH’s radical agenda.

The release of the “WPATH Files” by Environmental Progress delves deeper, exposing the extreme ideology driving the push to transition children, as revealed through WPATH’s internal communications. These documents highlight a discrepancy between the activist doctors’ private agendas and their public statements, suggesting that their outward confidence masks a reality: they are aware they are conducting a vast, troubling experiment on mentally distressed children and adults.

The details of the WPATH Files will be fleshed out in many articles in the coming days and weeks. Rather than rehash the shocking details and revelations, I want to focus on a particularly striking aspect of the Files. This aspect metaphorically resembles a situation where first graders are tasked with overseeing kindergartners.

The section in question, titled “WPATH Knows Children Do Not Understand the Effects of Hormone Therapy,” features video footage from an internal Identity Evolution Workshop held by WPATH on May 6, 2022. During this workshop, panel members candidly discuss, contrary to their Standards of Care, why it isn’t possible to obtain proper informed consent from young patients seeking cross-sex hormones.

Canadian endocrinologist Dr. Daniel Metzger pointed out the difficulty in explaining complex medical information to individuals “who haven’t even had biology in high school yet.” He noted that even adults often lack a basic medical understanding of concepts that medical and mental health professionals consider basic knowledge. He emphasized that children do not comprehend how hormones function, as evidenced by their mistaken belief that they can selectively masculinize or feminize individual traits with cross-sex hormones, not understanding that hormones affect any tissue with the appropriate receptor systemically.

I find it darkly amusing that while these doctors express concern over their patients’ lack of basic biology knowledge regarding hormones, biologists like myself express dismay at the profound ignorance of basic sex biology exhibited by these medical professionals. Indeed, the entire premise of “gender-affirming care” rests on extreme biological pseudoscience.

Proponents of gender medicine hold the belief that each individual has a unique, unchangeable “gender identity,” akin to a soul, that can be discerned as early as three years old, and perhaps even earlier. They argue that biological sex—being male or female—is a social construct rather than a natural fact. According to them, “male” and “female” are merely arbitrary groupings of traits we have culturally labeled as sex-specific. They suggest that rather than individual humans being distinctly male or female, a person’s sex exist on various “levels,” including chromosomes, hormones, genitals, behavior, and even brain structure. Most consequentially, they believe that a person’s sex can vary along a spectrum at each level, potentially leading to discrepancies between them. When a person’s “sex assigned at birth,” based on observing their genitals, does not align with a person’s brain sex (i.e. “gender identity”), this person is deemed transgender.

The objective of gender medicine is to align a person’s physical sex with their self-perceived brain sex through “gender-affirming care,” which may include social transition, puberty blockers, cross-sex hormones, and surgery.

[ A graphic depicting the goal of gender-affirming care. The top scale with a male and female symbol represents a person’s physical sex, and the bottom scale with a pink and blue brain represent a persons “brain sex” (i.e. “gender identity”). In this case, the person has physical traits that place them toward the female end of the physical sex spectrum, but has a “gender identity” that’s closer to the male end of the brain sex spectrum. The goal of gender-affirming care is to modify the body with hormones and surgeries to eliminate the perceived brain/body mismatch. ]

None of this is remotely scientific.

In reality, males and females are real natural categories universally defined by the type of gamete (sperm or ova) an organism has the function to produce, and in humans it cannot be altered with hormones and surgeries.

The controversy surrounding “gender-affirming care,” particularly its impact on children and vulnerable young adults, often overshadows the critical examination of the underlying biological misconceptions. It’s crucial to challenge the flawed premise that sex exists as a spectrum on multiple levels and can be altered through medical intervention. This premise ignores the fundamental biological differences between males and females, which entails that the objectives of gender-affirming care are unattainable. Simply put, you cannot fix a “mismatch” between different levels of sex if those levels do not in fact exist.

Biologists have wrongfully assumed that medicine could not stray far from the biological sciences, given its task in repairing and maintaining healthy human bodies. Fixing gender medicine will require normal biologists to challenge the sex pseudoscience rotting its foundatiocpsn. Until then, we will continue to focus on treating symptoms rather than addressing the core issues.

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crashtestjeffy · 3 months

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People sometimes ask or wonder... "Hey Potatoman, why don't you get therapy and work this stuff out?"

Well see, here's the thing. I have tried. I have tried and tried. I have paid for therapy, I have used free community clinics, employee assistance programs, I have gotten therapy in psych wards, I have had court ordered therapy, I have done group therapy, CBT therapy, trauma based therapy, residential therapy, inmate therapy....I I have been very, very therapized. Add to that somewhere around 10 turns at addiction and alcohol treatments, some up to 6 month stays. I once tried to figure out how long I have lived in rehabs and I just stopped when I added up to a certainty of two years and I kept remembering other tries and I felt embarrassed. I am now inadmissible to many rehabs because my previous experiences. They know there is nothing they can teach me that I don't know. That is not me exclaiming this, this is what they told me.

Fortunately I no longer abuse drugs and alcohol. But that cessation was not a conscious choice or commitment to "the program" or some therapeutic choice. I just no longer felt like doing it and no longer could do it.

That, I learned, is called "spontaneous cessation". It's a term studies and professional addictions folk call people who stop on their own with no external influence or supports or therapeutic interventions.

And if you dig into a bit of the literature and information available on rehabs, 12 step programs, church based sobriety groups, sobriety coaches and expensive new age and new tech addiction cessation concepts...Spontaneous cessation actually beats them all for long term sobriety. Probably combined. Which has led me to believe, nobody gets sober till they're done. And no amount of cajoling, and guilting and appeasing and interventions can bring that around, unless it coincides with the user being done. And sadly many, many people never reach done.

My father killed himself because he had a clarity that he would never be done. He had a knowledge that he will always want more and always need more. And he had the presence of mind to escape.

Anyway, maybe I got sidetracked there.

Therapy for me seems impossible. I have never walked out of a therapeutic session or program and thought 'I feel better' or even more important 'I think I have found the solution' or 'I have resolved something I really needed to'.

I feel certain there is no therapy that can fix things for me. And if there is it would be expensive and long term. And I just don't have the patience or trust or especially money.

Therapeutic success in our society has become the realm of the privileged and wealthy.

That is an unacknowledged fact most people who tell anyone they hear or see on social media who is struggling "Just go talk to someone", do not seem to grasp. And that is because "just going to talk to someone" has either never really been necessary for them or if they needed it, they had resources and supports most people do not. So I will spend my days broken and unrepaired. And trying to make do with my debilities. Kind of suffering and kind of just trying to fall slowly. With brief reprieves when i hit branches on the way down. Like this...

And the best I can hope for is to make peace with it before my heart finally gives out. Or not make peace and I take myself out. There is little else available as options.

Unless there is some unforeseen and drastic change in the way therapy and mental health are cared for. That is it.

The good part is I have stayed alive this long. And I got a chance to do some living. Some good living and I got to see things lots of folks never get to and I have loved and been loved. And I got to be a father and have a beautiful child who I was very fortunate was never too difficult or too frightening or sick. And cats. I have had some great cats. Cats have been some of my favourite parts of this thing.

But being better, it's not in the cards. And I get that for other people hearing someone say that can be discouraging and even distasteful..."Ewww you mean you are like this forever? Gah, I am so not there for it. This is exhausting to watch!" It is my life though, I was born a certain way, sensitive and acutely aware and very connected to the world, to parents who were brutish and violent and completely ill-prepared to nurture a child like me (ironically my brother was perfect for them because he feels nothing) and it started a rift inside me that time and people only widened more and more. And I accept that.

My friend told me this morning that I am not a nihilist, I am a fatalist. So this is fatalism with a bit of pragmatism. So we can call this the tale of the fatalist.

Or He Who Cannot Be Mend.

If you read this all I am impressed. People don't care for what I say much anymore because of all the stuff I mentioned here. So congrats. Do you got tacos?

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dropintomanga · 10 months

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A Shout-Out to the “Manga in Libraries” Guide

For those who don’t know, I’m a fan of borrowing manga from my local library. I’m very thankful that I’m in a situation where my library has managed to hold off budget cuts every year. And more importantly, there’s some damn good librarians in New York City who care about manga. Around 2021, I found out about a librarian in my area specializing in Japanese pop culture who started a website curating information on how to advocate for manga in libraries. The librarian’s name was Jillian Rudes, who has gone on to do amazing things in the North American library scene for manga. She’s the founder of Manga in Libraries and earlier this year, she released a book for teen librarians called “Manga in Libraries: A Guide for Teen Librarians” on how to get started in promoting manga for educational purposes at their respective library branches.

I managed to borrow a copy from my library and I’ll say that it’s a solid resource.

At first, I was surprised at the size of the book (it’s about 130+ pages) because I was somewhat expecting a huge book due to reading various large books on manga over the years. Don’t be fooled though because there’s a lot of great information found carefully catered to the librarian and educator audiences. Jillian starts off by saying “Why Manga?” followed by a introduction to manga itself, how the text needs to be read, the various genres, U.S. publishers, etc.

The book is followed by chapters on developing a manga collection in a library, representation in manga, social-emotional learning, manga programming, and teaching in manga. Several interviews with notable manga experts are featured as well.

While every chapter is great, the strongest parts of the guide in my opinion are the chapters on social-emotional learning and teaching in manga. Jillian does an excellent job in explaining the core concepts of SEL and how they can be applied to libraries. She even discusses topics like emotional intelligence and the feelings wheel as well. Jillian makes a powerful case in how manga supports SEL using Komi Can’t Communicate as an example.

Jillian would later highlight Komi Can’t Communicate among other titles when she discusses how to use manga as a teaching tool in the classroom. She provides a template on how to go about creating a course on manga using her own experience in teaching manga to 12th graders at her school. It’s a very thorough one as Jillian explains specific activities she would incorporate to slowly get students engaged in learning through manga over a certain amount of weeks. The payoff is getting students REALLY involved in the teaching/learning process as they are told to create their own manga reading guides for the manga titles being discussed in their class.

As someone who doesn’t work in a library, I can only speak for the two chapters on SEL and teaching manga honestly because of my experiences and background in researching community-based initiatives for mental health. I’m all about thoughtful reflection with the help of peers and support systems outside of healthcare. I think Jillian does a wonderful job in explaining how manga can help in that area with those 2 chapters.

Reading the Manga in Libraries guide makes me glad that there are people who are trying to promote manga to teenagers in an educational manner. I think manga can change young lives for the better and I’ve seen it over time. Personally, I credit reading comics at a young age that got me on a journey to become a lifelong reader. I also like that the Manga in Libraries guide is in print because trying to find information on manga online can be a bit of a mess and very scattered. Jillian manages to condense a lot of resources in an easy-to-find manner for her guide.

Jillian makes a note in the end of the book that reading manga can create joy for those who read it. I believe it does for many people, especially teens who often feel out of place in the world we live in. And on that note, the Manga in Libraries guide is a joy that anyone interested in and/or advocating for manga education should not pass up on.

#manga reading #manga clubs #libraries #manga culture #education #social-emotional learning #mental health #teen readers #Jillian Rudes #Manga in Libraries

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bansheeoftheforest · 2 years

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TGS AU Masterlist

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As I’m pretty much retiring from the fandom at the moment, I’m “spring cleaning” my blog to make it neater and more accessible to things outside of that fandom. So, here will all my The Glass Scientists aus be! Every single one! This is a lot!!

My au content can be found under the general tag #Banshees Au or under #[Insert AU name] AU (for example, #Ghost Au).

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Fake Kidnapping AU: Jekyll feels trapped and helpless as they are forced to postpone the Exhibition since the Lodgers refuse to participate. His mental health crumbles and Hyde takes advantage of him, planting the idea of faking his own kidnapping to get away from everything. Due to his weak mental state, Jekyll does not push the idea away, and goes through with the plan while struggling with his concept of identity and morals. Note: This one has actually gotten a fanfic with the prologue linked right here! [Original post / Character concept art / Art for Chap.2 / Prologue] -

☆Amnesia Kidnapping Au: Another one that was first brought up/made by Percy! Playing off of my fake kidnapping au, Henry actually gets kidnapped. Injured and disoriented, he manages to flee from his kidnappers and is found wandering the streets by a man named Mr. O’Leary, who immediately takes him in and helps him. Having gotten amnesia due to the injuries, Henry doesn’t know who he is or where he is from, not even remembering where he was running away from, so Mr. O’Leary gives him the name Thomas and takes care of him in hopes of being able to find his origin and home. The more time the passes, however, Mr. O’Leary realizes that there is more to Thomas than meets the eye, and that Thomas gets plagued by horrible hallucinations and nightmares. Thinking Thomas is an escaped asylum patient, Mr. O’Leary does everything he can to protect him. Branches for this au includes; Transfem!Jekyll getting to live out her best life thanks to Mr. O’Leary, Young!Jekyll crossover where Henry accidentally turns into a kid prior to his kidnapping, Henry fleeing from Mr. O’Leary’s home after an outburst to either be found by the Lodgers or die in an alleyway due to the cold-- a segue into the Ghost!Jekyll au, a crossover with the Moreau’s Revenge au where Moreau was the one to kidnap Henry. [Original post / Mini Fic] -

☆ Ghost Au: Jekyll gets killed and his body is dumped in a tucked-away alleyway sometime before the Exhibition starts but gets stuck in limbo as a ghost due to his painful death, his unfinished business with the Exhibition, and the HJ7. He quickly realizes that the Lodgers don’t care that he is missing as his body is left to rot, and therefore decides to take revenge on the Lodgers for everything they have done to him by being the biggest asshole he possibly could be. Branches for this au includes; Jekyll having amnesia from his painful death, him and Hyde splitting and becoming separate ghosts, Jekyll accidentally dying outside in the cold London winter without being found until spring, him hiding his ghost state by only attending masquerades and haunting his old friends/love interests, Henry not realizing that he is dead at all, Henry realizing that he is dead but not giving a shit because he has work to do, Henry possessing his body/corpse/skeleton and going on about his day, Henry accidentally creating a ghost mafia because weaker spirits cling to him, crossover with the Family au, Henry dying as a kid and being adopted by Maijabi, Henry dying as a kid and haunting the Society and befriending Lanyon’s young nephew. [Original post / Discussion post / Young!Jekyll Branch / Mini Fic / Ramble post / DTIYS 1/ DTIYS 2] -

Young!Jekyll Au: Idea was brought up by my beloved anon Percy/ @/perception-of-deception, an au where a failed lab experiment accidentally turns Henry back into his pre- or teen age, to which the Lodgers have to figure out how to take care of a child in combination of hiding him from his friends and trying to reverse the age regression. Branches for this au includes; Hyde convincing Young!Jekyll to take the HJ7 and accidentally turning Hyde into a kid too, Trans!Jekyll turning into the age of pre-transition, Jekyll remaining in the same age but losing all of his memories and only keeping those from his childhood, general amnesia branch where he loses his memories regardless, and crossovers between the Feral, Mafia, Amnesia Kidnapping (+Poison), Family, and Catshifter aus. [Original post] -

☆Syndicate Crossover Au: Technically my own idea for once! The Frye Twins come to London in 1885 instead of 1863 (but keep their canonical ages, so the timelines match up) and start their work to liberate London from the Templars. Meanwhile, they soon find themselves in an unlikely alliance with one Dr. Henry Jekyll. Branches for this au includes; the Frye twins needing help to develop specific potions so they recruit Henry on the promise that they will pay him well and make sure he won’t get tracked down, Henry being forced to work for the Templars but happily joining the rooks after his brothers (Kent and Raphael Jekyll-- actual NPCs and enemies in the game) are killed by the Twins, Hyde joining the rooks and the Twins eventually meeting Henry, Henry being kidnapped and saved by assassins as a child and eagerly wanting to join the organisation / the rooks later on in life, Henry having a drunken one-night-stand with Jacob and joining the Assassin’s after waking up in the train, crossovers with the Gang and Mafia aus where Henry meet the twins during gang fights, general crossovers with the Catshifter and Feral au. [Original post / First discussion / Ramble post / Templar!Henry] -

Gang Au: Au idea originally brought up by Thejeksburyguy! Henry ends up accidentally creating a gang of street ruffians and criminals after subconsciously helping so many people on the street. The people he helps start idolizing him and crowns him their gang leader. Henry has no idea what’s happening until his rivals suddenly start dropping dead and the same people ends up on his doorstep in need of patching up. Once he realizes what’s going on, he fully embraces the role as gang leader, gets a mask, and starts going to town on his rivals together with his gang. Branches for this au includes: Henry teaming up with Lucy to do heists and robberies, Transfem!Jekyll joining Lucy’s gang, Transmasc!Jekyll having been in the Scotland Division for the Forty Elephants as a kid and therefore knows how to handle a gang. [Original post / Transfem!Jekyll / Transmasc!Jekyll] -

☆Catshifter Au: Jekyll is a catshifter; a mythological and supernatural creature who can turn into cats at will. As the Lodgers immediately adopt the “stray” cats that roams around the Society, Henry’s attempts to hide his catty nature only gets harder and harder. When the Lodgers adopt the cream colored moggy cat that steals their food and causes ruckus at every turn, Henry can’t say that it comes as a surprise when his friends name the highlander “Jekyll Jr.” and the moggy “Hyde Jr.”, especially so as the Lodgers desperately try to keep both cats hidden from their founder. Branches for this au includes; Jekyll/Hyde having wobbly cat syndrome and Henry needing a cane in human form, Griffin being a catshifter as well (often used in the Jekffin route), Henry marrying Emma and the two of them having a whole litter of babies, Henry’s entire family being catshifters, a crossover with the Mafia au (called and tagged as Meowfia au) where Henry was a part of a catshifter Mafia back in Glasgow. [Original post / Wobbly Cat Syndrome / Griffin Catshifter / Jemma] -

Mafia au: Henry is raised into a mafia clan from birth, where his entire family is part of a Scottish mafia. Agile, strong, quick, and incredibly resiliant, Henry has a lot of scars and weapons on his person that he hides. After a last heist, he decides he wants to go to London and get a doctorate, therefore leaving his criminal past... Somewhat... Behind. Branches for this au includes; Henry teaming up with Queen Lucy and later joining her polycule (tagged as Four-tea ele-gents or Lucy x Henry x Patrin x Elise), crossover with the Catshifter au (called and tagged as Meowfia au) where Henry’s gang is a clan of catshifters, a general crossover with the Family au as his entire family is in the mafia, a crossover with the Young!Jekyll au where Henry wakes up thinking he got caught by a rivaling mafia, a general crossover with the Syndicate, Poison, Gang au where a lot of plotpoint overlaps. [Original post] -

☆Selkie Au: Jekyll is a selkie who some how ends up in an actual healthy and consensual relationship with his love interest. Also Hyde has no idea of how to keep track of their coat. Branches for this au includes; Henry’s love interest working at or near a lighthouse-- creating a Selkie x Lighthouse keeper trope, Robert coming from a family of seafarers and getting the lighthouse post to avoid them, Brokenshire accidentally ripping off Hyde’s furcoat when in a chase only for Dr. Henry Jekyll to end up on his doorstep begging for it back a few days later, Emma and Henry getting married off and Emma suddenly finding a seal in the house, Griffin accidentally walking in on Henry changing from seal to human and swearing to secrecy on the promise that he tells him cool ocean facts so he can piss off Helsby. [Original post / Jekshire / Jemma / Jekffin] -

☆Feral Au: The HJ7 messes with Henry’s primal instincts, ergo making him turn feral when he is especially stressed or get those classic urges, such as biting on a pencil when trying to do paperwork. Henry becomes the local Cryptid of the Society, and what with his poofy hair, claws, dilated cat eyes, and the way he seemingly can’t walk on two legs or opens doors when feral, the Lodgers quickly take a liking to his cat like, feral state. Branches for this au includes; Henry acting and looking catlike, Henry acting and looking rabbitlike, a crossover with the Moreau’s Revenge Au in which Henry turns feral in a specific consequence from the happenings of that au, Henry never having turned feral because of an experiment-- He Is Just Like That. [Original post / Feral-unferal post] -

Moreau’s Revenge Au: Moreau escapes Bethlam and kidnaps Henry in revenge. While in his custody, Henry is forced to withstand incredible physical and psychological torture, as well as being used as a labrat by the madman until he is found and rescued. Branches for this au Includes; Henry having incredible trauma after his kidnapping without the Lodgers realizing until Hyde physically forces them to help Henry, Henry becoming feral as a result from experiments or general abuse, Henry having amnesia and Stockholm Syndrome for Moreau-- thinking that Moreau only tried to help him and that the Lodgers are the bad ones, Moreau using Henry as a live experiment for trying to figure out Frankenstein’s secrets to Creature-- therefore leaving Henry with a myriad of scars. [Original post / Ramble post] -

☆ Crushing Au: Literally every character in TGS has a crush on Jekyll. Every Lodger, main character, side character, background character, villains, etc. Literally everyone. Henry is incredibly oblivious and does not realize that everyone is fighting for his courtship. Branches for this au includes; Henry being aro/ace and therefore not ending up in a relationship with anyone, the Lodgers tricking Henry into some sort of The Bachelor game so they can try to win his affection, Henry ending up with multiple partners, the Lodgers never “abandoning” Henry for Frankenstein because they all have a crush on him, Henry ending up being together with everyone. [Original post] -

☆Poison Au; Knowing that the HJ7 will be highly toxic, Henry microdozes on poison to build up his immunity, either by taking small dozes of general poisons in a wide rage of deadliness or by the earlier experiments becoming more and more poisonous the further the experiments went, resulting to him being immune to most poisons by the time he regularly uses the HJ7. However, due to his immunity to drugs and poisons, caffeine and alcohol no longer has an affect on him. To combat this, Henry starts finding and developing poisons that can give him drunk and give him energy boosts, going to the point where Henry basically only drinks poison. Branches for this au includes; Henry befriending Jasper’s extremely venomous creatures whose venom merely is a sleeping drug for him, someone trying to poison Henry during a banquet but Henry being immune, crossover with the Catshifter au where the Lodgers constantly fret about him eating poisonous things, crossover with the Mafia au where he is immune to poison because of Mafia training, the Lodgers constantly trying to steal his food and accidentally poisoning themselves. [Original Post / Creature ask] -

☆Utterly Sick Au: Utterson exists! Having been out of the country for many years, Utterson suddenly returns to London and wants to spend a lot of time with his old friends, Henry and Robert. Unaware of the true intent of his visit, Hyde is soon the one to realize that Gabriel did not come back simply because he missed his friends. Knowing that he was plagued by a deadly disease and only had a few more months to live, Gabriel travelled back to London to spend his last months with his best friends. Once Henry and Robert realize what’s going on, they scram to find a cure to save their best friend. Branches for this au includes; Enfield having died a bit before Utterson’s own health deteriorates and Gabriel blaming himself for it-- hallucinating Enfield’s death over and over again when his health gets as worse, a crossover with the Crushing au where the Lodgers all decide to try to help Henry cure Utterson in hopes of him falling for them. Everything containing Utterson will be tagged with this au. [Original post / Enfield’s death / Crushing Au / Fanart comic (P. 1)] -

☆Family au: Henry has a big and loving family whom he keeps strong contact with, even after fifteen years in London. Once his family comes on a surprise visit, the Lodgers learn a few new things about Henry; he is Scottish, and his family have a strong hatred for anything and everything English. Mainly used as an excuse to have Henry speaking in Gaelic and his Scottish dialect, this au goes hand in hand with the typical family fluff expected from these aus. Note that this au has nothing to do with my first set of OCs. Current family member includes: Henry’s parents, although gender and characters changes a lot. Henry’s siblings: Lilith & Blair, 45 years old (twin sisters) Freyja, 44 years old. Ian & Angus, 43 years old (twin brothers) Isla, 42 years old. Peigi, 41 years old. Branches for this au includes; One of Henry’s parents being Ernest Frankenstein, crossovers the Mafia au, Meowfia au, Catshifter au, Utterly Sick au, Resurrection au, and Ghost au. [Original post / Ernest post / Fanart of Henry’s parents] -

Hallucination au: A dangerous gasleak or experiment gone wrong leaves the entire Society wildly hallucinating the same army of nightmares that Henry deals with. As Henry is the only one that can act normal, the Lodgers don’t realize that he, too, can see hallucinations. Branches for this au includes; Henry and the Lodgers being able to see the same hallucinations-- therefore making the Lodgers able to see Hyde when Henry is in control and vice versa, Henry only realizing that the others have hallucinations by the time one of his friends break down. [Original post] -

Time Traveller au: A timetraveller travels back in time to solve the Dr. Henry Jekyll mystery, as the doctor disappeared not long after the Exhibition with only the body of Edward Hyde being found in his office (/the events of the actual book). Once the Lodgers realize their new scientist friend’s real mission, they do everything in their power to make sure that Henry won’t disappear. Branches for this au includes; The time traveller being the Time Traveller by H. G Wells. [Original post] -

☆ We’ll Meet Again au: Henry suffers a head injury after an accident, leaving him with amnesia and short term memory loss. Unable to remember things for longer than a moment, the Lodgers starts fearing for the worst regarding their leader, however, they quickly notice that nothing seem to be able to beat Henry’s mood. Unable to remember all the bad things that have happened to him, Henry turns into an overly optimistic and happy guy who gets incredibly excited to know that he has so many talented friends! [Original post / Eddies Memes 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5] -

☆ Summoner au: Henry has a deal with an eldritch horror which grants him powers beyond mortal imagination. He uses these powers and connections to set up the Society without having to worry about money or opponents, and if he just so happens to get a cult mafia that worships him like a god, that’s just a bonus. This au is based on the music video to Cirque by Sub Urban. Branches for this au includes; Henry and his patron having somewhat of a sugar-daddy kind of relationship, Henry’s patron basically adopting Henry and makes him his heir (the Dadritch branch), Henry being a full eldritch god in disguise, crossover with the Feral Au where Henry’s eldritch powers makes him have an incredibly big appetite-- and not soothing it makes him go hungry-feral, the Lodgers finding out that Henry has eldritch connections but thinking that he is possessed-- leading to them exorcising him and cutting him off of his patron and his influence, Baby Henry having been sacrificed to Dadritch by cultists which made him get adopted by him (leaving his actual body behind in a coma while Dadritch makes a new vessel for Henry’s spirit, continuing to the branch where the Lodgers cut Henry off from Dadritch which miraculously makes him wake up in his old body back in Scotland, thinking the last 30 years was just a dream), Henry’s mother being a consort/high priestess of Dadritch. [Original post / Concept Art] -

☆ Huldra au: Henry is a swedish Huldra! A huldra (or Skogsrå) is a mythological creature similar to fae or land sirens. They are mostly seductresses with beautiful appearance, strange knowledge about the forest, the ability to grant luck or misfortune to those who cross them, but their true nature is also given away by a hollow back, a tail, and cloven feet. For this au, Henry is either A) a male huldra which is very rare, or B) FtM, regardless of whether it is he is the son born out of a huldra and her human lover, most of this au involves Henry still living in the human world and starting the Society. [Original post] -

Plant!Jekyll au: Henry is actually some sort of bewitched plant all along! Based on all of my incorrect quotes/chatposts where Henry longs to be a plant, Henry is just a gangle of plants under a spell to make him look HumanTM, granting him with the lack of need for food and sleep. Now, if Jasper’s critters just so happen to make a nest in the hollow bark of his stomach, that’s not his problem. Branches for this au includes; Crossover with Summoner Au where Henry is an eldritch horror and ergo half plant, Henry accidentally making himself into half-plant due to an experiment. [Original post] -

Witch au: Henry is the reincarnation of a (female) witch burnt at the stake a few hundred years prior, and with the full memory of his previous life, Henry brings his past life into his new one by practicing witchcraft. This includes casting protection spells on the Lodgers to keep them from getting hurt, collecting herbs to help with his alchemy, taking Zosi on broom trips around the city, having dances with the devil together with his Witch Coven, adopting Creature as his witch apprentice, and just being a general Enby Legend. [Original post] -

Werewolf au: Morcant ends up biting and infecting Henry with Lycanthropy during his two week vacation to her forest. As romantically connected werewolves -together with the spread of the Lycan virus- they are spiritually connected, and ergo continue their relationship for a lot longer than in canon. As Henry’s body struggle with being infected by the ancient type of lycanthropy, he becomes chronically ill and hides his condition to those around him for years, the HJ7 being an early experiment of wolfsbane potion. Branches for this au includes; Henry and Morcant staying in a relationship in secret all the way up to the current timeline of TGS and them getting a kid together, Henry and Morcant being forced to split up (making Henry shippable with other characters), Henry getting so ill he almost dies and has to live with Morcant in the ancient forest. [Original post] -

☆ Murder ‘’Mystery’’ au [TW Gore, animal abuse, murder]: The Society gets snowed in during a harsh winter and, unable to leave the building, they start to get on each other’s nerves. Henry-- already having a hard time to deal with them while having the option to leave the building-- can’t take it anymore. He takes out his frustration on small critters he find around the Society, leaving the Lodgers to find the bodies in the morning, thinking that an animal is running havoc... Up until an unfortunate Lodger crosses Henry’s path one night, and meet their unfortunate end. The Lodgers are trapped with a murderer, unable to trust anyone. Branches for this au includes; The Lodgers quickly realizing that Henry is the murderer but still being outsmarted by him, no one knowing that Henry is the murderer and turning on each other (murdering each other), Henry faking his death to make it seem like he was “innocent”, the clean route where Henry hides the bodies and breaks them down into wine or acids which makes it seem like the Lodgers just “disappeared”, Henry being murdered by the last living Lodger, a Lodger becoming a copy-cat killer or helping Henry with his murders (ship route). [Original post] -

Demon au [TW heavily religious themes, gore, horror]: Henry gets possessed by a demon as a child and gets exorcised by a priest. The demon didn’t get destroyed and now follows him through his whole life, causing Henry to collect a lot of holy relics and having crosses around him to stay safe. One the stress with the Society and Hyde causes him to hallucinate, the demon begins to fight for possession again, worsening Henry’s paranoia to the point where the Lodgers start noticing that he is acting... Weird. Branches for this au includes;Henry going insane because of the demon which leads into the murder mystery au, the demon killing Henry which leads into the ghost au, Henry’s parents abandoning him once he gets possessed which makes him adopted by Dadritch in the summoner au, Henry being open about being possessed by a demon but Frankenstein misunderstands and thinks he made his own Creature [Original Post]

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Previously Retired Aus

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Irrbloss Au: My first AU! Jekyll and Zosi decides to leave the Society after the Exhibition is through as Jekyll doesn’t feel welcome anymore. He lies and says he is going on an expedition to Scotland to gather alchemical ingredients but is, in reality, planning to disappear and never return. Jekyll and Zosi travel through the woods of Scotland and accidentally enter into an alternate reality after entering a fairy gate, leaving them helplessly lost in the woods of ancient nightmares. [Irrbloss Au masterpost / Concept Art] -

Everyone knows au: Everyone knows that Henry and Hyde are the same person, and instead hold bets on how and when Henry will confess it to them, leading to them being increasingly frustrated when Henry tippy-toes on revealing the truth only to pull back. [Original post] -

Time Loop Au: After the Exhibition is a failure, Henry wakes up on the day when he met Jasper. Realizing he just travelled back in time by having all happenings matching up to his “dream”, Henry does everything in his power to not meet Frankenstein, to set everything right, and to make sure the Lodgers don’t think he is a psychic. Branches for this au includes; Henry managing to fix everything from the beginning and make everything right, Henry failing over and over and having to relive the time loop until he manages to fix everything and having constant paranoia, some Lodgers also being stuck in the time loop but neither them nor Henry knowing about the others. [Original post] -

Pirate au: Henry’s family were a bunch of pirates and Henry grew up on ships since he was a baby, but similarly to the Mafia au, grows up and decides that he, for some reason, wants a doctorate and starts the Society. Branches for this au includes; Henry being the lovechild of a siren and a pirate (or just a sailor, i.e Ernest). [Original post] -

Resurrection Au: Yet another Bancy au! Helsby accidentally murders Henry during an argument and in panic, he and the rest of the Lodgers beg Frankenstein to revive him in hopes of reversing and being able to forget about the whole thing. Henry is not happy to be robbed of a peaceful death, and therefore is just as much of an asshole as he is in the ghost au. Branches for this au includes; Henry not realizing that he is dead and merely thinks he got a nasty hit to the head, the revival messing with their soul so Hyde becomes more of a ghost rather than share the body with Jekyll, a crossover with the Family au where Henry’s family come on a visit only to find Henry practically a zombie. [Original post] -

An Ernest Resurrection au: A crossover between the Family Au (specifically with the branch of Ernest being Henry’s parent) and the Resurrection au. Ernest hears that Frankenstein is at the Society and rushes to London to make sure to keep their son safe, only to find Henry acting... Weird and off, soon they learns that Henry died and Frankenstein had the audacity to revive him. Trauma all around. [Original post] -

Modern Time loop au: My attempt at Modern au! Everything is the same except set in the modern times, whereas the Dr. Henry Jekyll from the original novella is Modern!Henry’s great great something grandfather. Obsessed with science, Henry unknowingly follows in his predecessor's footsteps while simultaneously trying to understand what happened to him. Henry goes to university, meets Lanyon, starts the Society, and everything goes exactly like it goes in the main comic, except Henry never creates Hyde but got the HJ7 gene past down from his predecessor. Branches for this au includes; Frankenstein being the original Frankenstein but revived by the Creature, Frankenstein being a descendant of the original Frankenstein (or Ernest specifically) and tries to create their own creature-- either managing or getting put in their place by the original creature before they manage. [Original post] -

Fox and Hound au: Originally conjured up by a dream I had, Henry is a fox and Robert is a purebred hunting hound. Newly orphaned, Mr. and Mrs. Lanyon-- Robert’s owners-- take in the baby fox they found on their doorstep, and Robert decides to take his new friend under his metaphorical wing. However, as Henry struggles to remain the perfectly tame pet that the Lanyons and Robert expects him to be, repeat encounters with Hyde the fox and Morcant the wolf makes Henry struggle between what he is and what people want him to be. [Original post / Idea post] -

☆ Unsolved au: Shane and Ryan somehow ends up in the TGS universe. Branches for this au includes; Shane and Ryan being the time travellers solving unsolved mysterious and ergo tries to solve Henry’s, Shane and Ryan investigating the Society in the Ghost Jekyll au-- either in 1885 or in modern times. [Time Traveller Au]

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#banshees au #banshees info #au masterlist #tgs #the glass scientists #tgs au #the glass scientists au

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lnterjection · 3 years

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Sleepy Bois Inc and DSMP Fanfic Recs

Uhhh I realized I have a ton of stuff in my bookmarks list and might as well compile a list of favorites because I’m always looking for good fanfics, and this might help some people. Most of these are SBI, though a few focus on things other than their dynamic with each other. Nothing explicit here. Feel free to suggest more recs.

Fics set in DSMP universe/about DSMP (One-shots first, then longer fics):

One-shots and series of one-shots-

therein lies the madness by sapphicist - 2095 words. Currently says it’s one chapter out of three complete, but can be read as a standalone one-shot. Nice introspective fic on Tommy’s exile and his parallels with Theseus. In 2nd person, but it’s actually done nicely. Mostly angsty, can have hopeful interpretation depending on how you look at it.

crazy how life goes on without me (2090 words, one-shot) by itisjosh - What if Ghostbur did remember everything, and just pretended to be clueless and vapid? Made me cry. It’s so good. Tortured my heart.

the inner mechanism of a black box (13521 words, one-shot) by Bee_4 - only work of a series called “system theory”. “Technoblade lets himself get imprisoned for Philza’s sake. He doesn’t plan on being there long. Unfortunately, he’s underestimated Pandora’s Vault. There are things that will make even the Blade fall apart in due time, as it turns out.” Yeah so Techno’s mental health goes out the window in this one and its written brilliantly. There’s comfort at the end, if it helps?

A State For One Man Is No State At All (5247 words, two-shot) by angstfortheangstgod - “A different version of the festival, in which Dream shows up unarmed, the Community House is left intact, a traitor is executed, and Tommy doesn't betray Technoblade.” Ranboo centric. Angst and comfort.

All the Kings Men series by MollyPollyKinz - “After Ghostbur's suggestion to do Lads on Tour, Tommy finds himself reunited with his family. However, escaping from Dream is going to be harder than anyone previously thought.” A connected series of one-shots and short fics about Tommy, his exile, his family, and escaping Dream. Well written, good characterization, great studies into the characters themselves.

ad astra per aspera series by cacowhistle - Collection of one-shots that start with Tommy’s exile and expand to be about SBI and their dynamic with each other, including a resurrected Wilbur. Really, really well written and probably my favorite of the “Tommy exile fic groups”.

the fall of a hero series by cracklesnaple - “After being threatened with being exiled yet again, Tommy takes the decision into his own hands. If those around him can't see that he's given up everything to make this nation what it is, then he's not sure he can stay in L'Manburg any longer.” Series about SBI and mainly Tommy, eventually crossing over into Mianite territory in a way some might enjoy and some might now. Writing’s good, though, which is what I care about.

Longer fics-

Rewind (101002 words, 25 chapters, unfinished, last updated Jan 17 2021) by Anonymous - Best time travel fix-it fic I’ve ever read period. Tubbo and Tommy travel 10 years back from a very messed up future to the first L’Manberg election. Concept may seen a bit weird at first but trust me, holy fuck this is amazing.

second chances (hurt the most) (8841 words, 4 chapters, unfinished, last updated Jan 17 2021) by Anonymous - “Wilbur wakes up alone in a bloody room, and has to come to terms with living again. (How can he go on, knowing who's blood is on his hands?)”. Amazing fic where resurrection requires someone else’s life as sacrifice. Phil is dead. Wilbur struggles to come to terms with his father’s decision, and his second chance.

all scotch, no soda (47466 words, 43 chapters, unfinished, last updated Jan 14 2021) by fishstixx - “Vulnerability meant trust, though, and trust was a thing not so easily given. Post-exile and canon divergent, follows the consequences of Tommy’s isolation. Expect chases, heists, bloodshed, and the mending of a family.” Features raccon hybrid Tommy being badass, and I live for it. I really, really love this one.

DON’T FORGET THAT ICARUS FLEW. (16426 words, 6/10 chapters, last updated Jan 1. 2021) by orpheusaki - “The day before and the days that follow Tommy's exile; told through the eyes of The Blood God.” Techno (and Dream) is a god, and gods often forget how the intricacies of the minds of mortals. He’s trying to get better, however.

what do you fall for? (16374 words, complete) by tablrcloth - Ranboo centric fic with Techno, Phil and Tommy. Ranboo realizes that playing L’Manberg’s politics is less than ideal for him. What can I say, it’s just really good.

Breathing’s Just a Rhythm (12631 words, 6 chapters, unfinished, last updated Jan 17 2021) by MollyPollyKinz - “Tommy, Tubbo, Jschlatt, and Dream all end up in the past. (Oh, and the Chat comes too).” Great time travel fic.

What World Have We Inherited? (73635 words, 12 chapters, unfinished and last updated on Dec 22 2020) by Anonymous (this one has a series with all their works, and they’re all AMAZING). Holy fuck this one is probably one of my favorite fics in the fandom so far. “Wilbur blows everything to hell on the day of the Manburg festival, just like he wanted. When the ashes settle, it's just Tommy and Technoblade. It's not good, but it's better than nothing. It's just them, healing up in a world that never wanted them.” Amazing characterization, worldbuilding, everyone’s internal thoughts are portrayed and written so well. Even if it never updates again I would keep coming back to it. I rec this Anon’s works so much.

In June, I Changed My Tune (29489 words, 6 chapters, unfinished and last updated on Jan 6 2021) by KryOnBlock - Eret runs away and eventually becomes friends with Techno. Nice cottagecore aesthetic. I have mixed feelings about this one - the writing’s good, descriptions and characterizations are really good. Just that there’s consistent punctuation mistakes and it takes me out of the world a bit. Everything else is good enough for me to continue reading, however.

stay with him (24353 words, 12 chapters, unfinished, last updated Jan 9 2021) by junipersand - I especially rec the first chapter, which can be read (and originally was) a standalone fic with the summary “Every ghost had a purpose to fulfill. So what was Tommy’s?” Utterly heartwrenching, probably the most emotionally gut-punching bit of writing I’ve ever read in this fandom. It continues with other lore stuff afterwards that eventually branch off from just SBI and Tommy, but man. I don’t think I can ever forget that first chapter.

I’m not angry at you, well, sometimes I am (52801 words, 16 chapters, unfinished, last updated Jan 14 2021) by sircantus - After Tommy is exiled, he runs away to Techno’s house instead of going off with Dream. SBI decide some revenge and “world domination” is in order.

Fics set in AUs outside DSMP happenings:

One-shots and series of one-shots-

Empty Crowns AU by UnderUrsa - the SBI + Tubbo are gods, and a family. Series of one-shots. Nicely written, what can I say? Some angst, some fluff.

Secure, Contain, Protect AU by blue000jay - Amazingly written SCP AU. Knowledge of the SCP universe would help with understanding some more meta things, but is not needed to understand most of it. Some angst, disturbing themes around memories but nothing terribly gory.

CLASSIFIEDS. (13804 words, finished). SCP pages on SBI, short stories and audio transcriptions as well as files, lots of good lorebuilding here. Features an escape, + Tubbo!

CONFIDENTIALS. (13232 words, finished). Centers on Dream Team.

ARCHIVES. (1270 words, one-shot). What happened after SBI and Tubbo’s escape from the SCP foundation.

old gods (new gods) AU by WriterWinged - the relatively well known SBI gods AU. Amazingly written, great character interpretations.

the gods are cruel (none crueler then you) (1394 words, one-shot) - As much the grammatical mistake in the title hurts me it’s no doubt one of the best pieces of work in the fandom.

and yet they find kindness (and so do you) (2/4 chapters posted) - continuation of “the gods are cruel”.

there’s a risk to the world (but the kindest are strongest) (2/3 chapters posted) - continuation of “the gods are cruel”.

SBI Antarctic Princes AU by ScripWriter - One of several Antarctic Empire AUs, this one just has these two preliminary one-shots but they’re nice bits of fun and neatly written. All fluff and mild hurt with lots of comfort so far.

Younger Holding On Another (1781 words, one-shot). Techno is a good brother and reassures and newly adopted Tommy.

But Oh, Don’t You Know How It Goes (2511 words. one-shot). Tommy, Techno, and Wilbur have some “fun” at a boring gala. Phil is very exasperated.

Antarctic Princes ‘verse AU by BirchWrites - AU where Techno, Tommy, and Wilbur are princes of the Antarctic Empire (well, Techno’s technically the emperor now), but this time the events of DSMP still happen (at least up to the 1st season).

Homeward bound for the arctic ground (10562 words, one-shot). Wilbur and Tommy travel to the Antarctic Empire in person to ask Techno for help in fighting Schlatt. Good worldbuilding and acknowledges Wilbur’s beginnings of insanity while still being rather light.

Surprise Hugs (2542 words, one-shot). Dream doesn’t realize Tommy is Techno’s brother and thinks he’s going to get killed for tackling the infamous Blood God.

Family Reunions (1396 words, one-shot). Fundy never realized he’s loyalty and Techno informs him unexpectedly.

Longer fics-

leave me your starlight (14620 words, 4 chapters, unfinished and last updated Jan 11 2021) by findingkairos - “Once upon a time, Philza Minecraft is the only person who does not shy away from the bloody teen that regularly turns the tide of war. This cements a friendship that will last wars, empires, worlds, and lifetimes.“ Amazing backstory fic on Phil and Techno’s relationships, one of my absolute personal favorites. Very well written and really digs into the intricacies of Techno’s character (or an interpretation of it, but hey, that’s what all fanfiction is).

I was a kid in a village, doing alright, then I became a prince overnight (21736 words, 5 chapters, last updated Jan 13 2021) by sircantus - another Antarctic princes AU, this time centering on 16 year old Tommy catching the attention of Phil, Techno, and Wilbur after thwarting an assassination attempt. Really well written. Actually, I rec all of sircantus’ SBI stuff because they do amazing work.

antarctic adage (26591 words, 4/7 chapters posted, last updated Jan 13 2021) by blue000jay - Another very well written Antarctic princes AU with Emperor/ruler Phil. Are we seeing a pattern yet? blue000jay is another writer I’d rec, with really great SBI stuff.

a renewal of faith, and of family (56684 words, 31 chapters, unfinished, last updated Jan 13 2021) by SolivangantStories - One of the only fics here that doesn’t feature SBI, this one is Tubbo and Dream centered. Basically, the DSMP!Tubbo is executed by Schlatt and wakes up in a world where Manhunt!Dream is trying not to die and is also actually a nice person, to Tubbo’s surprise and confusion. Not SBI and technically not even DSMP, but it’s really good so I’ve decided to rec it anyway.

#dream smp #sleepy bois inc #sbi #fanfiction #fanfic recs #dsmp #technoblade #wilbur soot #philza #tommyinnit #tubbo #dream #ranboo #feel free to suggest more recs #sbi fanfic recs #sbi fanfic

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jeans-ong-ong · 3 years

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Hi! I just wanted to say I adore your comic! The colours are so beautiful, your art style is lovely, and the care you put into this project is evident. With so many things to tackle, like using real life cultures, the effects of war on those in service and out of it, and mental health, How do you go about doing research for it?

Hello! Thank you for this wonderful ask - both for the compliments and the interesting questions. So, let’s dive right into it: apologies for the long answer, but when you ask a creator to talk about their projects, they love to do it.

I started planning Introspection of a Deserter right when I began attending my Bachelor course in Education and Pedagogy - I met a lot of philosophical concepts that tingled my creativity, and I had to read a lot of books, so I felt like I was in the right mental space to handle a project that was deep and complex. I was studying how people grow up and shape their life, and it felt relevant for me to write a fictional biography that hit a series of themes that were interesting for me. I was 19, and now I am 22, and in all honesty I don’t think I’ve done a good job on the needed research.

Cultures Well, this part was simplified by the show. I think the creators of Avatar did some decent research, especially aesthetic wise, but they didn’t really go for the authentic representation. The info I got by talking with some asian fans is that Avatar does not work according to determined social mechanics, for example, in Korea or Vietnam. From what I gather, it was felt closer by Asian Americans, due to the characters feeling quite american, but the aesthetic being non-western (in A:tla at least). Being pretentious as I am, I felt like I wanted to use a bit more authenticity, but I didn’t really get it right on several aspects. I watched some fantasy asian movies to get examples for the tone I wanted (fun fact: I’m working on a watchlist of 30 movies to find the root of the mood of Introspection), mostly chinese; I read some articles about daily lifestyles and so on. On a hindsight, I should have watched more documentaries. I actually planned a trip to Vietnam in the indefinite future to “feel” the vegetation more! Vegetation is one of those thing you tend to take for granted, but it gives an entirely different texture and feeling to the landscape. Take, for example, the webcomic Heart of Keol: I couldn’t do that just by watching some fantasy movies (the author is, indeed, Korean), I need to live it first. However, a lot of stuff was made up and conveniently placed there, and that ... that has some consequences. See, for example, the religion storyline. Now, this one is a sore spot for me, because I’m viscerally attached to it. I don’t actually plan to change it in the near future - even if I do have a pair of books about buddhism on my readlist. What I’m telling in the comic is fundamentally a story about pseudo-catholicism: the concept of sin doesn’t match the concept of karma, the “sinfulness” of homosexuality and the desire of redemption, that’s just something that does not make sense in the context of a Buddhist culture. Let’s not even get into reincarnation: I have not done the minimum amount of research necessary to get such a difficult concept. And yet, I feel like changing this side of the comic would distort it to an unrecognizable story, and if I want to keep drawing it, I believe I need to mantain a bond with it. Will I try to be more authentic nonetheless? Yes. The effect of war I must admit I am quite fashinated by war. There is actually a branch in Medical Anthropology that studies war! And not only in the Medical one. However, the academics that do that have a severely higher risk of getting shot so I’m... still considering it, yes? I started looking into it because of Introspection. I think reading stories is educational most of the time, if only for the spark of interest one might develop for certain themes. You create some basis neuronal connections that will make it easy to look into more reliable sources later. But what is even better for me is Writing Stories: perfectionism forces me to look into sources (and as I grow older, I get that more and more), and looking into those makes me wish to write a story in that setting. That being said, my personal connection to war has been pretty indirect so far. I’ve listened and read stories about people who have been in battles, soldiers, victims - and I’ve been reading a lot about colonization in the last 4 years; from the classics to current issues (think Palestine). I include this bit on colonization because it will/would be a very recurrent theme in the story, and yet I know I’m still not there yet, I need to be more informed. The interest started with the disciplined experience of being in the military as studied by Goffman, and later on by Foucault, but then came in the concept blood thirst, and how does one person manage to enjoy killing people? How does one’s conscience tolerate it? I still haven’t finished doing research for that, because that story line “has just started”, and I like to keep concepts fresh in my mind (probably a mistake. Artists: do the research before you start working on the story, not while you’re doing it - unless it’s a written piece, that you can rework and rework. I didn’t finish the script before starting to draw the comic, so uh ... that’s a consequence). Mental health This was probably the one I winged the most through experience and knowledge gathered over the years. I haven’t properly read a book about depression yet - but I’ve just got one pending in the reading list, and the same goes (spoilers!) for alcohol and drug addiction. I did read a lot of experiences told by those who have been there, and I’ve even done an internship (actually only half of it because of Covid-19) in a rehab center for alcohol and drug abuse. However I know depression a bit, I’ve had several people with a variation of it in my life, and part of this comic is a re-elaboration of what I and other people have gone through in a (not always) exaggerated way, and fictionalization. When I was in a very different mental place, I used to refer to this comic as my “self-therapy”. Just an example can be found in (planned) book 4, which will be an hypothesis of therapy for someone with serious suicidal thoughts. Never will the comic be about “complete healing!”, because that’s not something I believe in, however it will be used to experiment, and hope a bit for a better, if bittersweet, vision of life. As I got into doing the comic, some themes became more important than others because I felt more bound to them, and usually I do more research on those now. Academic paper reading, people who live them in first person experiences (through documentaries, autobiographies, or youtube videos), or even personal experiences are all sources I draw from in comic planning. This being said, I should either choose shorter stories or simpler subjects for my next comic. But will I? Who knows. Thank you for reading so far!

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work-life-harmony · 3 years

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Harmony Journal/Blog Posts

9/8/21

“I Stress, Eustress, We All Stress”

It is two days past my 42nd birthday and the eve before the start of another school year. And I anticipate it is going to be a year like no other. There is a tremendous amount of uncertainty that I am feeling at the moment. Personally, I am in the thick of things trying to raise my twelve year-old daughter and blend ourselves with my fiancee and her two children. It has not been easy. My daughter has dealt with anxiety ever since she was little. Her mom passed away two months after her second birthday and it’s hard to know whether her personality has been shaped in part because of the void my wife’s passing created. Now that she is entering adolescence, a certain alchemy of anxiety, anger, and depression has yielded some chaos in our household.

That the pandemic happened to coincide with the time in her life where she is feeling the hardest is unfortunate. Did the lockdown and disruption to our lives exacerbate her feelings of anxiety and anger? It’s probably a safe bet that it did. So that has been a major area of concern and frustration for me.

On the professional side of things, although last year was difficult for many teachers, and I certainly had my frustrations, I was in a fairly good place mentally. There were some aspects to the school year that I actually found novel and enjoyed, such as the ability to sleep later, roll out of bed and teach from my kitchen table. Conversely, the new routine allowed me to develop some habits that were not healthy, including daily rituals such as making and drinking light and sweet coffee and having a serving or two of ice cream nightly between dinner and bed. Furthermore, I seemed to become a slave to my phone. Although I’ve had the willpower to delete apps such as Facebook off of my phone in the past, the last few years I became addicted to the news...and Instagram...and checking my email. One concerning consequence of the pandemic is that I’ve lost my concentration stamina. If I start something, particularly work related, it only takes a few minutes before I feel compelled to get up and do something else, even just for a half minute. Of course this breaks my rhythm of work and I’m unable to achieve any kind of flow. And, worse, sometimes I find that I mean to do something, such as check the weather, but when I open up a tab to do it, I have completely lost what I meant to do when I opened the tab. Scary!

With the start of the new school year, I intend to turn over a new leaf so to speak by approaching different aspects of my professional and personal life with an eye towards my well-being: physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. The forthcoming journal entries will chronicle the conscious changes that I am making in order to foster more harmony in my life and a stronger sense of well-being. Part of that will be my investment in activities that help me achieve a sense of flow, including but not limited to music, reading, and immersing myself in nature.

9/16/21

“Time In a Bottle”

As the school year has started, the typical looseness of my summer days has come to an abrupt end. However, there are some benefits to the structure of my school days. My body has started to adjust to my new routine, and although the school day seems to necessitate a routine, there are conscious choices that I’m making to build a healthy daily schedule. I am up at 5:30 on weekday mornings and in bed reading by 10 pm, a major shift from previous school years in which I would stay up until 11 or later watching television before hopping in bed to fall asleep. Although I’m still adjusting to this new routine (as the school year is still young), I am recognizing an easier relationship with waking up in the morning. As noted in the course, avoiding screens before bedtime contributes to a better sleep and I am finding that I am waking up more rested and ready to meet the day.

An interesting stressor at the start of the school year, before my body has fully adopted the new schedule, is my anxiety that I will somehow miss my morning alarm. I’m the first one in the house who is up in the morning, and no one is coming to wake me in time for my early day if my alarm fails me. Thus, the first week (or two) of the school year leave me sleeping lightly and somewhat anxiously. I continue to add measures into my routine, such as meditation and muscle relaxation practices to help ease my mind. Additionally, I have quieted my mind before falling asleep by acknowledging the things that I am grateful for. This will be touched upon in more depth in a forthcoming journal entry, but there is tremendous value in gratitude. Lori Santos, a renowned professor at Yale University who teaches the highly sought course “The Science of Well-Being,” acknowledged in an article for Newsweek Magazine, “Grateful people tend to be happier and show lower levels of stress hormones like cortisol. Health care workers who keep a gratitude journal show reductions in stress and depression. And people suffering from chronic pain who practice gratitude show improvements in both sleep quality and mood” (Santos). It has become an important strategy for me to ease the chronic stress and anxiety of life which gets exacerbated at the start of a new school year.

With each day, it does become easier to sleep peacefully and I suspect that soon my eyes will open a minute before my alarm rings. I am also pleased to report that rising before the sun comes up has been easier than in years past. Typically, trying to get out of bed in the dark has always been difficult and miserable. Of course, it may return to misery as winter sets in and leaving a warm bed is a shock to the system, but for now I am happy to report that the newly adopted schedule for this school year is working well.

On a more professional side of things, I have been working on my planning as it regards daily obligations. For instance, the adoption of daily to-do lists has helped me to stay better focused on items that need attention; efficient about tending to, and completing, those items; and avoid being frazzled like I have been in the past because the ideas bounce around my brain but have not been concrete since they aren’t visibly posted somewhere. The morning ritual of composing a daily to-do list has really been beneficial for me. An example of items that I’ve included on lists include: grade seven essays today, photocopy “Heroes” article, email Nina’s guidance counselor, drop two books in Mari’s mailbox, hit the supermarket with grocery list, and call the car dealership. Furthermore, I’ve been diligent about staying on top of the “house calendar” to not only make sure that all family events are noted on the calendar, but also to consult the calendar every day as part of my daily routine to see what obligations members of the household have that day and in the near future. This is an indispensable part of our lives and internal harmony. For instance, my daughter’s “picture day” is tomorrow. Since it is listed on the calendar, we can save ourselves stress and frustration by potentially being caught off guard that pictures are being taken tomorrow. Heaven forbid my daughter arrive at school with no inkling that it is picture day, likely exacerbating her stress/anxiety because she feels unprepared. These measures have been part of my process for winning back time and peace of mind.

With that in mind, it is going to be a school long objective to work on organization skills with my students. In particular, I have two sections of remedial sophomore English classes. A good percentage of these students have IEPS or other individualized plans to help them be successful in their high school classes. It is not uncommon to see a personalized modification that revolves around breaking down big concepts and keeping them on task. For this reason, we’ve established a routine of taking out binders/notebooks at the start of every class period. They need reminders, but it is with the purpose of establishing healthy and productive habits that they can carry with them for a lifetime.

9-19-21

“Love May Know No Bounds, But a Teacher Better Set Some”

The financial wizard Warren Buffet has been quoted, “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything." While there’s probably a bit of overstatement to Buffet’s claim, one can’t deny that from an “American Dream” point of view that he is considered a success. Thus, there must be some truth behind his words which reinforce the Module 3 concept of boundary-setting. With the rise of technology, be it e-mail or Google classroom, students have greater accessibility to their teachers. In fact, everyone has greater accessibility to teachers. Compounded by the fact that part of last year was taught remotely, the boundaries of the school day almost ceased to exist. Fortunately, the summer has been a quiet time to turn away from professional demands, but with the new school year upon us, I feel it is going to be important to counter the feeling of always being tied to work. For this reason, boundary-setting is going to be a priority for me. My first concern is to establish that I will not be addressing professional inquiries/issues on weekends or days off. Of course, this will be somewhat of a test at the start of the school year because I’m also conscious of the anxiety that arises when my inbox fills up with issues that need attention. But branching off of the time-management piece of the puzzle, I hope to create effective solutions in my approach to time and boundaries.

When I started my career as a teacher, I recall a colleague noting that teaching is a twelve month job condensed down to ten months. Thus, the school day doesn’t truly end with the last bell. There is much to get done between planning, grading, and tending to all of the extra aspects of teaching. Even as a veteran teacher, it is virtually impossible to complete all of my professional needs during school hours. In fact, the demands of being a school teacher may feel endless at times. This is why it is so important to set boundaries. Granted, when you have children of your own, as I do, priorities tend to shift. But, even so, most caring teachers yearn to give 110% to their schools and students. The phrase that comes to mind when that happens is “slave to your work.” This is a recipe for stress and potential unhappiness, so it becomes incumbent upon teachers to set boundaries and strike a balance between personal and professional life. This school year, I feel I’ve done a nice job of making my nights and weekends sacred. I use my time at school effectively and efficiently, shying away from distractions that keep me from being as productive as possible during school hours. I have even established practices with classes that have helped in this regard. For instance, I have designated Friday as an independent reading day for my basic skills classes. While this is productive for them because it creates an environment that they can do sustained reading of literature that they choose, it also affords me time to catch up on grading and plan for the following week (which would otherwise be happening during my weekend). The items that I am not able to get to during the school day are addressed during my time at home, but I believe that I am approaching it in a more thoughtful way. On weekend mornings, I’ve been waking up early as my body adjusts to my 5:30 wakeup routine during the week. So when I’m up for an hour before the rest of the house, I can attack the items that I didn’t get to during the week. Needless to say, my approach this year has left me feeling a better sense of control over my professional duties.

9-22-21

“Shake It Off”

Several years ago the topic du jour in school districts across the country was resilience or grit. This was pre-pandemic. As a concept, it hasn’t gotten the same attention as of late, but that does not undercut the importance of resilience and the tools we need to develop in order to persevere. As noted in Module 3, a growth mindset plus stamina equals achievement. As part of my journey to better living, particularly during the stressful pandemic, I have landed on, and dedicated myself to, several areas which follow:

Developing habits of self care and compassion for others

As we went into lockdown and found ourselves somewhat trapped in our homes, particularly during the fall and winter, it was easy to lose the habits of self-care that had been so natural in our daily lives. I have consciously made an effort to develop better habits of self care since taking this course. Namely, my diet and sleep have been areas of focus. My daily diet looks something like:

-Greek yogurt with granola and fresh berries for breakfast

-A greens, apple, avocado, grilled chicken and blue cheese salad for lunch

-Apple slices, banana, flavored almonds, and/or pretzel & hummus for an afternoon snack

-Dinner varies, but is typically home-cooked and avoids red meat

Prior to this conscious change, I had no real dietary routine and I recognized the impact it was having on me physically and mentally. I was leaning hard into sugar and caffeine; beyond the damage it was doing to my body, it was adversely affecting my sleep habits. Now, however, committed to taking better care of myself, I am cognizant of the synergistic benefits of self-care, especially when times are tough.

Another area of focus, and one often taken for granted in our well-being, is the power of authentic socializing with others. While I was lucky to have a full house made up of my fiancee and our three kids which helped me not feel starved for close, authentic social interaction, I still was not feeling completely edified. Making sure to nurture my relationships, especially with students and colleagues, brings a greater sense of gratification from meaningful interaction. For instance, last school year, I noticed that one aspect of my school day that was glaringly absent was laughter. Whether it stems from banter with colleagues or the shenanigans that carry on with a loose and happy classroom of students, last year punctuated how important laughter is on the psyche. In fact, a line from one of my favorite novels, Ken Kesey’s One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, emphasizes the deep importance of laughter when the protagonist, McMurphy, remarks, “Man, when you lose your laugh you lose your footing.” While social distancing may have made us inclined to shrink away from people, so much has been lost by cocooning ourselves. A tremendous part of our mental health is the release we get when laughing. I have reinvested in that and it has led to the next area of well-being and resilience:

Building a network of positivity

As an extension of that investment into relationships is the support system of those who help to buoy me. While we know that misery often loves company, we should also recognize that happiness is augmented through company as well. One of the better pieces of wisdom that I ever found from a fortune cookie fortune was “Joy shared is doubled; grief shared is halved.” (Does one need to create an APA citation for fortune cookies? Ha!) We certainly are better off building a mindset of positivity. It can be infectious. And although as the school year neared I was having grim thoughts about what was in store for us, my network of people which includes friends, colleagues, and even students have helped me navigate to a place of harmony. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy and our brains can be unkind and counterproductive. And sometimes we lose our way which also takes a toll on our sense of being. That’s why anyone will be better off:

Finding Purpose

Yesterday, I was catching up with my best friend from childhood. I asked how his mother was doing since she retired three years ago from her position as an anesthesiologist. My friend’s response was, “She’s deteriorating.” Granted, this is a woman in her 70s, and time can be cruel. (My fiancee told me last night that she saw a shirt for sale online that said, “My favorite childhood memory is my back not hurting.”) But the real point of my friend’s words is that once she lost her daily purpose of getting up at 5:30 and doing meaningful work, she became aimless and lost the person that she had been for most of her lifetime.

Finding purpose is an important element to the senior curriculum I teach as the literature we read in my ELA class forces us to confront the universal themes of purpose and identity. So much of self-understanding and drive derives from the things that we do.

Perhaps the best figure to explore the value of purpose is the mythological figure of Sisyphus. You may know him as the guy who rolls the rock up the hill. That’s his identity, because that’s what he does. He is suffering eternal punishment for angering the gods, and they have determined that there is nothing worse than this act of futility. When Sisyphus completes his task and gets the rock to the top of the mountain, it just rolls back to the other side and he has to collect the rock again and repeat. Ad nauseum. However, the French absurdist writer Albert Camus examines Sisyphus as a representation of the everyman. We all roll our metaphorical rocks only to watch those acts be undone. We make our beds in the morning. Wash our dishes. Mow the lawn. Go to work. Day after day after day. And ultimately, we suffer for no greater good. However, Camus acknowledges that Sisyphus overcomes his torment if he has his own purpose to the seemingly futile act. When he steps up to the rock with his own personal motivation, or purpose, then it’s not a punishment. That’s the value of purpose.

Fortunately, the profession of education naturally provides purpose as we invest in our students. And beyond that, I have invested in music and relationships. These areas of my life have certainly been instrumental in creating a sense of direction and happiness.

Finally, I believe in:

Continuing to learn, experiment, and grow

Recently, a colleague noted how much she loved being a student and learning. She pointed out that if she could be a student for the rest of her life, she would do it in a heartbeat. I feel somewhat similar. And one of the best aspects of being in the world of education is that I’m consistently being exposed to new ideas and ways of thinking that have satisfied an aspect of my personality that yearns for knowledge.

When the world came to a screeching halt in the spring of 2020, eager to quench my desire to improve my knowledge and skills, I found just what I was looking for online. After some searches for guitar instruction on the internet, I stumbled upon a fellow with a channel on youtube that has been somewhat life-changing. His avuncular disposition and clear explanation of guitar theory has helped me to become a better guitarist and feel a newfound confidence in my playing. Upon reflection, I’m happy that I dedicated myself to improving my skills because it has paid great dividends and underscores the value of knowledge, experimentation and growth.

I feel lucky that a few of the ideas noted above are organically interwoven into the life of an English literature teacher.

9-26-21

“The smell of gratitude” - Sensory Awareness, Attitude and Thankfulness

Yesterday, I stepped outside in the morning and immediately recognized that it was a glorious day. An early morning autumn chill was in the air (my favorite time of year), and the sun dappled the earth through its magnificent golden rays. Shortly after breakfast, the family hopped in the car and headed north to Warwick, NY. When we reached our destination, my fiancee and the kids hopped out and spent an hour on an alpaca farm while I drove into Sugar Loaf, the neighboring hippie town. There, I walked along the main drag in the middle of town and basked in the sunshine between dropping into the different stores. After picking the family up, we drove back into town and had a delicious lunch before heading home mostly along back roads that traced the shore of a lake that crosses the boundary between NY and NJ. It was sensational; the only thing that could have made it better is if the foliage had started to turn.

Days and moments experienced, like yesterday’s outing, force me to return to the lyrics of Neil Peart whose words echo from his band, Rush’s, wonderful song “Time Stand Still”:

Freeze this moment

A little bit longer

Make each sensation

A little bit stronger

Experience slips away...

Time stand still

Of course, time doesn’t stand still, so it becomes necessary for us to savor the big and little moments of our lives. Akin to the Scottish poet Robert Burns’ remark in his poem, “To a Mouse”:

I backward cast my e’e,

On prospects drear!

An’ forward tho’ I canna see,

I guess an’ fear!

We are so busy worrying about our past and futures that we forget to live in the present. With this in mind, I’ve been practicing the art of savoring. Right now, as I write, there is the wonderful aroma of pumpkin muffins in the air. This morning, I relished the hot water pouring down when I took a shower. And even though I’m allergic to animals, I still felt and savored the buttery softness of the teddy bears made with alpaca fur that the kids got when they were at the farm.

There are many areas of our lives to be more present and “tune into” in order to achieve a deeper appreciation for the present moment and increase our happiness and well-being. And, following the advice from the Harmony course to spend time in nature, I find this to be the best time of year to do such a thing. Thus, I have been spending extra time outdoors, smelling the autumnal air and savoring the beauty of the natural world. Fortunately, I’ve had the pleasure of teaching Romantic writers whose ideology turned away from the harsh, cold logic of the Age of Reason and towards the wonders of the natural world and the emotions of humankind. Several poems I teach underscore the value of nature; perhaps no poet celebrates the natural world more than William Wordsworth. He characterizes the peace found in nature when he says in “Lines Composed a Few Miles Above Tintern Abbey:

how oft—

In darkness and amid the many shapes

Of joyless daylight; when the fretful stir

Unprofitable, and the fever of the world,

Have hung upon the beatings of my heart—

How oft, in spirit, have I turned to thee,

O sylvan Wye! thou wanderer thro' the woods,

How often has my spirit turned to thee!

I, too, have looked to nature, both literally and figuratively, to counterbalance the “fever of the world.” I will continue to do so, especially on these glorious autumn days. And in times when I cannot be out in nature, my spirit can still turn to it and find some internal peace with recollections of how sublime Mother Nature can be.

9-29-21

Crisis - “A season to build resiliency”

The subheading to this journal entry comes from an Edutopia article written by Jessica Cabeen, “How School Leaders Can Frame Tough Decisions.” It’s certainly an optimistic mindset in relation to times of struggle or outright crises. Entering my seventeenth year in education, I could never have predicted what the state of education was going to be over the past few years if I had never lived it. If we are to understand “crises” as events that cause us to change our routines and threaten our safety, the pandemic certainly fits the bill.

I’ve had a few other crises since becoming a teacher. The most recent one was a crisis wrought and then averted by Mother Nature right as this school year was beginning. When Hurricane Ida swept up the eastern coast of the US, those of us in the metropolitan area had no real warning about the amount of water that the storm was going to dump on us. At around 8:30 pm, I went into my basement to see streams of water pouring through the basement walls soaking the basement floor as the sump pump struggled to keep up with the quickly rising water table. Ten years prior, I had a similar experience with Hurricane Irene. (It dawns on me now that I must really take note when a Hurricane named after the letter I bears down on me that I need to be alert.) The morning after Irene, I woke up to the items in my basement floating around like they were in a bathtub. With Ida, I made a mad dash to remove the items from the basement that I could and tried to shift my thinking of helplessness to acceptance.

You can’t fight Mother Nature. Thus, I took solace in knowing that I salvaged the things that I could and to not fret about the things that I couldn’t control. This is perhaps a difficult thing to do, especially in a situation like this as we are naturally conditioned to protect our abodes. But the mindset is vital part of our wellbeing. One of the moments from the course on Harmony that really resonated with me was the transference of anxious energy into positive energy. Rather than feel confined by the heightened energy of anxiety, simply telling yourself “I’m excited” can have a real positive effect. Certainly, saying “I’m excited” about a hurricane is a ludicrous connection, but attempts to assuage the mind can bear fruit. In the middle of the madness as Ida was wreaking havoc across NJ, I made a conscious attempt to soothe myself and accept what the fallout was going to be.

From there we are able to learn and grow, and our resilience is definitely tested. Although we may struggle and even suffer, we have the opportunity to learn and grow from our experiences. Additionally, when we go through our own trials, we become empathetic.

Given the extreme negative impacts that trauma can have on individuals, especially young people, crises take on a more serious consideration because it’s not just the present crisis that needs attention; the ramifications for the long-term also need to be addressed. Sometimes checking in is an important step to help others. For that reason, I spent a couple of class periods talking candidly with my students about their feelings regarding the pandemic. Not only was it eye-opening, it was also greatly appreciated by my students. Quite a few students remarked that none of their teachers bothered to check in with them. They carried on with business as usual, even though the students had bigger things on their minds than math or chemistry or history. Since then, and with the endorsement of the Harmony course, I have made it a priority to emphasize and invest in the human connection with my students and the other people in my orbit.

Although the course emphasized a distinction in the connotations of balance and harmony, I do believe that a conscious balancing of different aspects of my routines and choices has led to a more harmonious life. The school year is off to a great start...a better start than I had hoped. And, ultimately, I feel a stronger sense of well-being, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Cited Sources:

Burns, Robert. “To a Mouse.” Poets.org, https://poets.org/poem/mouse.

Cabeen, J., 2021. How School Leaders Can Frame Tough Decisions. [online] Edutopia. Available at:

<https://www.edutopia.org/article/how-school-leaders-can-frame-tough-decisions> [Accessed 29

September 2021].

Gilbert, D. (2021). Stumbling on Happiness: Think You Know What Makes You Happy?

Alfred A. Knopf.

Kesey, K. (1672). Ken Kesey: One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (Mass Market

Paperback); 1989 Edition. Ken Kesey.

Rush. “Time Stand Still.” Peter Collins, The Manor, Oxfordshire, 1987.

Santos, L. (2020, December 22). Laurie Santos, Yale Happiness Professor, on 5 things that will

make you happier. Newsweek. Retrieved September 16, 2021, from

https://www.newsweek.com/2021/01/08/laurie-santos-yale-happiness-professor-5-thing

-that-will-make-you-happier-1556182.html.

Wordsworth, William. “Lines Composed a Few Miles above Tintern Abbey, on Revisiting the

Banks of the Wye During a Tour, July 13, 1798.” Poets.org,

https://poets.org/poem/lines-composed-few-miles-above-tintern-abbey-revisiting-banks-

wye-during-tour-july-13-1798.

#balanceandharmony

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sortinghatchats · 4 years

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On Gryffindor Primaries

Gryffindors are marked by their steadfast intuitive morality. While Gryffindors are just as capable of looking at things logically and weighing the consequences of different courses of action, they will feel the most at peace with themselves when acting in accordance with their gut morality. Like all individual belief systems, Gryffindors’ vary widely in content and intensity, giving us a wide variety of systems (strong political stances, devotion to a particular religion, extreme commitment to a particular branch of rights) so different Gryffindors can look very different.

One of the Gryffindor Primary’s greatest strengths is their ability to make a decision, and then go out and do their damndest to make a difference. They are willing to sacrifice their safety, social harmony, and a certain amount of logic to do what they feel is right. They can create great change in the world because they are willing to make difficult decisions and then commit fully to that decision, even at the expense of things most other people would not be willing to sacrifice.

Gryffindor Primaries are the type to leave everything and travel halfway across the world if that’s what they feel is necessary. They are the type to work long days and into the night, even while conscious of the hit their relationships with family members and friends might take, because their work is important. It matters in a way that smaller things, even when those things seem important in the moment, don’t. They are one of the Houses most comfortable, as a whole, with being lone wolves, with finding meaning in martyrdom, and with defying even the people they love most, if something is important enough.

However, though a Gryffindor can and will work alone, there is a special strength brought out when they’re part of a team. They can be charismatic and passionate, dedicated and on task, excellent at reminding people what it is they are working towards and how important it is. Their drive can help breathe life into a group on the verge of burnout. Their enthusiasm and genuine belief in the goodness of their goals can unify a group of diverse people. There’s a reason that so many movies about rebellions feature Gryffindor protagonists. They are willing, passionately, to sacrifice and their certainty pulls others along behind them.

Gryffindors do not know the definitions of good and evil any more accurately than any other House– more importantly, most Gryffindors know they don’t know any more than anyone else. But inherent fallibility doesn’t mean you should sit on your heels and not try the best you can (if the idea of inherent fallibility does drive you to existential despair and hopelessness, please take a look at Stripped Gryffindor, below). Gryffindor is not about knowing– it’s about knowing that the best way to know is to trust yourself and your gut. It’s the bravery to try and it’s knowing that trying matters. It’s about trusting yourself even if the whole world is against you. At the end of the day, the most important thing is staying true to this thing inside you and standing tall.

Even within a single belief system the intuitive nature of the Gryffindor morality means that it can often contradict itself–two important, felt beliefs can go to war even in the most certain Gryffindor, and each has to find their own way out of that conflict. Eventually, one of the core beliefs (ex. “sentient life has inherent value” v. “self defense is a right”; or “lying is wrong” v. “hurting people is bad, and the truth will hurt this person”) will win out. Alternatively, the conflict, sustained, might force a Gryffindor to “strip” (see below).

Relationship with the Secondary

Another facet of Gryffindor is that while they often have a gut response to what is right, what to do about it is a little harder. This of course ties into the Secondary– a Gryffindor/Gryffindor might feel obligated to act on their morality, if not immediately than at least fiercely. Sometimes hesitation is wise, but to the Gryffindor Secondary it still feels like it could be hiding cowardice, and they watch themselves carefully to make sure they aren’t shirking.

A Ravenclaw Secondary might feel they have a moral imperative to gather information and figure out risks before launching into something that might get someone hurt– the Gryffindor Secondary’s charge would feel irresponsible to the Ravenclaw Secondary.

A Puff Secondary might do their good through patience, service, or support; a Slytherin Secondary could reach out clever fingers and change the very world into something better, or throw themselves at problems to see what sticks.

In all of these, however, there is going to be doubt. Doing right and doing well is imperative to the Gryffindor Primary–but that certainty and that need to act doesn’t necessarily come with a how-to guide attached.

Many Gryffindors compulsively self-analyze and re-check what they are doing and believing, to make sure it still rings true– when this self-questioning turns to despairing self-doubt instead, this is called “stripping” (see below section). But even an unstripped Gryffindor has to check new circumstances, questions, and paths against what they feel. They can be as logical and meditative about it as some Ravenclaw Primary tackling a new facet of their morality; but at the end of the day a Gryffindor will trust their gut, once they manage to understand what it is saying. A Ravenclaw, on principle, won’t, and won’t feel comfortable until they strip open that base intuition.

It’s one of the places where Ravenclaws and Gryffindors, often good Idealist allies, come into conflict. When a Ravenclaw feels a need to point every belief with a pointed stick, a Gryffindor can see this as challenge, meanness, betrayal, amorality, or dangerous doubt.

What’s Inside is What Counts

Gryffindor Primaries are willing to stand up for what they believe in even if it means that they stand alone; but this is not to imply that Gryffindor Primaries don’t care about their friends and family– they are first and foremost loyal to their morals, but that can absolutely include people. If part of their system involves serving or protecting, or involves maintaining closeness and caring for their friends (or involves personal loyalty as a general concept), they will do it with great conviction. And this isn’t uncommon, as Gryffindors can often value people and fairness very highly, and can for this reason sometimes look like Hufflepuffs.

Just like the Gryffindor Primary’s intuitive morality can include people, looking like a Hufflepuff’s, it can also include things like Slytherin’s sense of self-preservation and value. On a negative extreme, this can give you Gryffindor Primaries like Jayne Cobb, the self-serving, guiltless mercenary of Firefly. But this same situation (a Gryffindor who intuits some of Slytherin’s “me first” morality) can also give you examples of heroes who remember to value their own mental and physical health, even when the world needs saving. Selflessness is not a requirement in the Gryffindor Primary; the core of Gryffindor is more accurately trusting yourself and your beliefs and doing your best to live by them. It about holding onto that faith in yourself and striving for the bravery to pursue those beliefs to hell and back, however mundane or ambitious those beliefs might be.

What defines a Gryffindor is not the contents of their system, but they way they form and interact with their system. Because of that, it’s possible to get systems that look nearly identical to the other Primary houses– just like a Ravenclaw Primary might build each of the other Primaries to live in, a Gryffindor might intuit, feel, or believe in those other moralities. Carlos, the scientist from Welcome to Night Vale, is a Gryffindor Primary believes unflinchingly in the power and righteousness of Science (capitalization intentional). Even presented with a world of absurdist horror-comedy where empirical logic and experimentation seem to be failing him, Carlos doesn’t tailspin into a fall or at least express frustration or edit his system the way a Ravenclaw Primary would be likely to. He believes in the power of Science despite being thrust into a reality where science, quite honestly, does not function as it should. And beautiful Carlos does it because Science is just right.

You could get similar effects with both Hufflepuff and Slytherin systems, like we discussed above. Modeling the Slytherin system could also give Gryffindors the intense sense of personal loyalty that drives the loyalist Slytherin Primary, as well as its particular brand of selfishness. People are a likely part of the content of moral systems because we live in a social world, but they are not intrinsic to the system of a Gryffindor like they are for Hufflepuff and Slytherin Primaries, our Loyalist houses. One way to tell a Hufflepuff or Slytherin apart from a Gryffindor who believes in Puff or Slytherin is to look at whether or not people could theoretically be removed from the system without “burning” or “petrifying.”

If you could convince a loyalist-seeming Gryffindor that doing the right thing for the people in their lives or in the world is not actually the greatest good, then would they be able to change that part of their system and still be happy with it? If something else is more right, would they feel justified in overriding the part of their system that values their people? The answer is probably ‘yes’ for a Gryffindor, but it would be ‘no’ for a Hufflepuff or a Slytherin. While even the Loyalists have their extreme situations where the world would take priority over their people, they would still feel, on some level, like they were doing the wrong thing for not putting their people first. Gryffindors would feel, on some level, wrong if they put their people over what was right.

No Room for Compromise?

For Gryffindors, especially the less jaded ones, in the things that they hold true there is very little (if any) gray area. There is right and there is wrong. Things are black and white. Shades of gray are places where people go to play games, twist the truth, and to be cowards. It’s difficult to change the mind of a Gryffindor when it comes to something they care about, because they often cannot see the in-between. To the Gryffindor, changing their mind would feel like a 180 degree shift, an about-face. It would mean deciding that their previously held views were absolutely and completely wrong, and now they have to go in the opposite direction.

And when a Gryffindor does change their mind on an issue they care about, while it may seem very sudden to an outside observer, it’s very likely that there was a steady build up of doubts or contradictions that eventually tipped the scales. In many cases, a change in belief can be somewhat traumatic for the Gryffindor (see: Stripped Gryffindor, below).

Gryffindors have great conviction, and the prominence of what they are passionate about in the world means they spend more time confronting it and learning to deal with it. Slytherins, for all their reputation as cold and ruthless, can find their judgement just as clouded as the most enraged Gryffindor when their people are threatened. It’s just a fairly rare thing in most people’s lives for their important people to be placed directly in harm’s way– so it doesn’t have as large an impact on how they present. But for a Gryffindor, threats of that severity, threats to the things most important to them, are commonplace.

This gives Gryffindor a reputation for volatility, much like the Slytherin reputation for ambition. All the Houses believe things strongly (just like all Houses have their ambitions), but with its broad, internal morality Gryffindor is most likely to have things they are passionate about thrown in their faces (just as Slytherin’s ambitions look least selfless and are therefore more generally maligned). Ravenclaw Primaries are more likely to chew over things first and to take outside input into their system, Hufflepuffs more likely to worry about hurting other people’s feelings, and Slytherins more likely not to care. You can have rampaging Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws, or Slytherins easily, but Gryffindors are often most obvious when they stand fast and are indiscriminate about whose toes they step on if something is important enough.

Of course, the Gryffindor Primary system is just that– a system. The way we’re talking about it, Gryffindor is a way you care and a way your system works, and is not based on the contents of your system. Justice and bravery and courage are things that make up the moral backbone of a system that can contain just about anything. Gryffindors will disagree about what is just. Gryffindors will be on different sides of big moral issues and philosophical quandaries and political debates. What unites them is how they decide what’s right: they feel it in their gut, they value living in that rightness above all other things, and they trust themselves to lead them true (or at least lead them to do their very best).

So what happens when a Gryffindor loses faith in their ability to figure out what’s right?

Burned Gryffindors

Gryffindors do not do moderation when it comes to the truth. This, sometimes, can be what leads a Gryffindor Primary to become “burned.” Jostled from their steady footing, a Gryffindor can lose faith not in right and wrong, but in their ability to know what is right and wrong. Their internal compass, the basis for their understanding, sense of purpose, and even sense of worth, will feel broken and untrustworthy. But that uncertainty doesn’t make knowing and acting on what’s right and what’s wrong any less important.

From the outside, Burned Gryffindors often look more grounded, stable, and calm than your classic Gryffindor Primary. They’re more likely to let things they cannot fix just pass them by. If they charge, it is not often. (In fact, when you see a Burned Gryffindor encountering something so important that they are willing to charge for it–um, run. Run fast.)

But for the Gryffindor, Burning is not a steadying act, no matter how it seems to outward observers. Gryffindor is a house of certainty. Gryffindor is a house of right and wrong, and of those truths requiring action. When a Gryffindor is Burned, their sense of right and wrong is yanked out of their gut. They lose the certainty of their moral compass.

What makes Burning so horrifying to the Gryffindor is not that they lose their sense of the importance of right and wrong– it’s that they don’t lose that sense. A Burned Gryffindor is still certain that following their internal compass is important. They just can’t see it anymore; they don’t know if they’re heading north, but even now few things are more important than where north might be.

One response to stripping is for a Gryffindor to pick up another, external system. If they are bereft of their own internal morality, they can re-apply their fervency to an outward one. In this, Burned Gryffindors often look like Ravenclaw Primaries– but where it would take new evidence and careful debate to move a Ravenclaw Primary from a system they’ve chosen, a Gryffindor is more likely to move due to a sudden insight or gut intuition– an uncontrived emotional response; a return to trusting their own heart.

Whedon’s Firefly contains two Burned Gryffindor Primaries who latch onto outward systems–and (as is common with Burned Gryffs) both characters indeed seem to be some of the most settled, content characters on the show: Zoe Washburn and Sheppard Book. Zoe Burned sometime during the war; and Book sometime during his checkered past. Both have latched onto outward moralities: Book onto his religion, and Zoe onto her captain. She lets Mal make the calls because at this point she trusts his weary Hufflepuff more than her own self.

A Burned Gryffindor might try to construct themselves a functioning system (rather than picking up a pre-made one wholesale) from the actions and instincts that drove them before their traumas. They might also latch onto a community, or family, and then work under a loyalist-style morality of people-first. They might also curl up and close in on themselves. They might go out and keep fighting the good fight, keep going through the braveries and charges they used to intuit heart and soul, but now with a weary doubt that any of it will actually be right or worthwhile.

Kieren, the protagonist of In the Flesh, is a Burned Gryffindor– his compass cracked before being a zombie and then shattered completely during zombieism. Now, with his mind returned to him, he looks at his ruins and repeats what the rehab people tell him. He is adrift. Friends help to push him back together, but an unmoored uncertainty remains at the core of Kieren’s character.

Jaime, the supporting protagonist of Outlander, is a Gryffindor who Burned after various traumas. He does his best to act with kindness, and goes after bravery in a way that hinges on the smilingly self-destructive. However, interaction with fierce Ravenclaw Primary/Gryffindor Secondary protagonist Claire manages to inspire him enough that he begins pulling himself hand-by-hand out of being Burned in order to charge alongside her.

All of these ways of Burned can be functional. Being Burned is something you can survive, live with, and even thrive within. Burning can feel practical or necessary or it can feel forced; but at the core of being Burned is a sense of loss. Even if the Gryffindor is sure that the world is an inherently unjust place, unsaveable and destined to never be understood, they are still a Gryffindor. Some part of them is going to always prefer and miss a world where they knew what they were supposed to be doing.

tl;dr Gryffindor Primaries

Gryffindor is an Intuitive House, an Idealist House, and an Internal House.

As an Intuitive House, Gryffindors decide what is right based on their intuition, their gut, and their own moral compass. While they can be as intelligent and logical as any Ravenclaw (think Hermione Granger, a fierce Gryffindor Primary), they don’t play with words and concepts, trying to find loopholes, build things, or refute their instincts. Some things are just wrong, and you can’t talk your way out of it.

As an Idealist House, Gryffindors value what is right over personal loyalty. While they can love hard, Gryffindors would feel guilty if they stuck by their friends and family at the expense of doing what they believe in. Driven and dedicated, Gryffindors are some of the best at getting things done and pushing causes forward, even at great personal sacrifice.

As an Internal House, Gryffindors get their morality from inside of themselves-- from their moral compass and intuition. Caving to an outside pressure will always feel like an immoral choice, if it goes against what they feel is true.

#sorting hat chats #sortinghatchats #gryffindor

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mirovoi1 · 4 years

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REFLECTIONS OF A JAILBIRD

It can be quite hard to force myself to concentrate on writing when myriad distractions abound: I have the internet, snacks at hand, and a curious mind that prefers wandering than getting stuck into the arduous task of gathering my thoughts and organising them into one structured essay.

What is worse is that there are also myriad birds outside my windows that are eager to show off how free they are - while it is me that is cooped up inside an aviary. And this has been my daily life for months already here, in the middle of Istanbul.

The world has surely been turned upside down.

And my state of being has now too.

Have you ever been to prison without being involved in a crime?

The laws of lockdown have worked; they have successfully restricting my body to the house, but it has also set loose thoughts and emotion; and the things that stir inside an idle being.

In fact, I am usually the opposite: a busy body with a braindead head – not a rioting soul in a dead body.

Thus, has been a rare chance to engage in some very unique, albeit testing, self-reflection and what I have observed is that my own mind is actually hell-bent on getting away from me.

Out of due respect for public health, I have not really been anywhere for a full three months. And during this home-sentence, I have been battling with another prison: a mental prison consisting of high walls that forbid me from doing any proper constructive written work.

The summer warmth has arrived in Istanbul; finally replacing the long, wet winter - the heat and sunlight have come and replenished the empty hole that is known as ‘lockdown’. This is a very good change in events. Weather does alter one’s mood.

The uplifting summer-scented air has called me to begin writing down a few notes to share with you all. Although, however lovely days of sunshine and birdsong may be, it seems my newly-found prison-life has offered some useful (and dire) insight into how many lives are lived.

Morning after morning after morning, I wake up in the same fashion, with the sound of pigeons outside my bedroom window. They sit there and mumble the same stuff at each other. I get up for a coffee. The sparrows chirp like mad in the big leafy trees from morning till dusk and I am always here to hear it. Now that all forms of unnatural noise have subsided over the past weeks, the world has revealed that there are even chickens living on the banks of in front of the apartments opposite me.

Who would think chickens exist in a city of fifteen million people? Well, I believe it. It is hard not to believe it when their bleating is sometimes all that is left over now that cars and engines sounds have left the room. Right now, it is a bird’s world and I feel as if I am the only living creature that sits around stagnating all day.

Those birds are busy with their lives and I am the one who is sat in the bird cage waiting for some sort of seeds to appear in my bowl.

During my lifetime, I have always wondered how come old people so often tend to be miserable.

I was confused as to why oldies were always angry when kids’ balls come over their fence. I thought that old people should know that life goes along better when the world is a tolerant and friendly place - after all, judging by their bent posture and wrinkly skin, it could be safe to say that they have been around for a bit and should be aware of the tricks of the trade.

The world over, I have been yelled at by grumpy old people – usually for noise or some other form of unruliness. But my anticipation for some eventual grey-haired wisdom to save the day always fell through as they most often would revert back to their own form of unruliness – that being their decrepit emotional composure in the face of something minor.

I always liked to imagine that someday, I will become the seemingly only old man in the world who is patient, kind and unconcerned with little things that are of no apparent bother. I thought I would be the kindest granddad who would come out of his house, and instead of shouting with a stick in hand, he would come with a packet of chocolate biscuits and tell the kids just how great they are doing with their soccer skills.

But now I get it.

A silent, idle life, void of real things to do and people to talk to just makes people become dank. Now I understand. A rattle in the refrigerator has the power to really piss people off. I never knew of that rattle when my life extended beyond these four walls.

In a tiny little world, tiny little things just appear so big.

Now I realise, I too, in the future, am capable of becoming an angry old man.

In Istanbul you often have company from giant seagulls which are a key part of the infrastructure of this giant port city. Istanbulites love to feed animals, and these massive birds easily get their beaks into heavy pieces of stale bread. They do not want to share their findings with others and so they fly onto the rooftops and drop it, hack at it and throw it around in order to break it into smaller, edible size pieces.

I live on the top-floor and often have to deal with them stomping around on my roof. I have a rooftop sky-window that I can open up and be part of the goings on up there, but they are too busy to care. They are very happy. I am not though, and I give them the evil stare from under the window pane. And, again, they are too busy being happy to care.

May is the month of Ramadan and at times some very rhythmic Anatolian music seeps out from behind some bushes somewhere near where those chickens live. There is also drumming at 2am each night. Sometimes I hang myself out the fifth-floor window to try to get a piece of the vibe. I always found the concept of music to be extremely fascinating. Music is such a human thing.

I admit I have felt a bit self-conscious before dancing in front of other people, but I have to say that I feel downright embarrassed doing so in front of animals. So, I don’t. I am sure animals understand the pleasure in moving around and having fun, but the style we do it in… well, I don’t know about that. We must look absolutely ridiculous. But it is Ramadan, and it is a time for celebration.

There is a family of crows that lives in a branch – rent-free – just opposite my biggest windows in the lounge area. I enviously watch them coming and going, and taking turns at sitting on their babies. They screech and caw, as I do when I think I am singing.

As I hum along to these sudden outbreaks of traditional folk tunes, I wonder why we humans feel the need to offer a bit of our own noise to an otherwise good-enough piece of music. We also like to move our bodies along with to the beat, as if that was called for. If you can get past your own two feet, that is, then this timely shuffling is generally known as ‘dancing’.

So, it seems that adding some singing, some lyrics, and well, ultimately some sort of mouth and body movement to the music, it just makes it all come alive.

We humans make order of our thoughts through speech. We navigate our world through the use of the mouth; through words; through language, through lyrics, through conversation, through stories, constantly feeling the need to incessantly release some form of mouth-made noise with/to/towards/at other people: we engage in civil, amicable chitter-chatter; we emit our oral vibrations out of rage at poor kids who have lost their ball over the fence, we thrust our noises into the music as we groove along in tow…

…and somehow this makes us feel better about the world.

I can honestly say I am utterly embarrassed to be a human. But, the innate, instinctive need for talk and movement dictates our psyche. The necessity for social interaction with other people and physical interaction with our environment is indisputable. This is the source of a large part of our health. And without it, well…

We humans are a group mammal after all – perhaps more so than the feathered ‘free-folk’ outside that even feel free enough to crap all over my windowsills. But it is obvious: being around people and engaging in meaningful conversation regulates our mood and emotions so that we can avoid entering the otherwise guaranteed free-fall to hell…

…where a lot of us are right now.

All of this has now become starkly clear as I sit in here doing the opposite of what a healthy person does. All the animals accentuate the fact that they can get more done in life now that us human-beings have ceased to be part of the furniture; and we are not around anymore to bother them. Unless I decide to dance behind the glass or something - and that could bother a soul or two.

I mean, if you have to be a human being, then you also have to know how to meet a human being’s needs. That is not to say I dance, but it does mean one needs to be able to think well, speak properly, and move more.

This may seem obvious and straightforward, but I can assure you… it is not.

Just as one may think six months at home would be heaven, and when it comes around you realise it is actually a nightmare. Human beings may sit around in their homes dressed in clothes with their fancy gadgets, but can assure you, we do not always really understand what it is that we need. Nor do we properly see things for what they are…

A lot of us have never learnt to think, nor learnt to move, nor learnt to speak. Properly, that is.

Over the years, I have had a number of students who could fall under the category of ‘depressed’; or ‘hell-bound’ would be a better way to put it.

There is a thing called clinical depression, but this dispiritedness is often just simply an environmental, psychological, physiological or sociological inadequacy or imbalance. Sort of like a form of vitamin deficiency that comes good again with the right adjustments.

That is basically to say… yes, as it seems, a lot of melancholy folk typically seem to lead a full-time lifestyle of lockdown.

Try that! What a bloody existence…

I have observed many teenagers of mine who regularly take part in physical activity in their daily lives, be it sports or dance, are generally much more mentally and emotionally healthy – not to mention physically so. They tend to hold onto less negative energy and have a lighter, bouncier kick in their way of being.

Those that have good social, conversational and inter-personal skills tend to have these similar healthy characteristics. In short, those that are well-equipped to meet their simple human needs fare well in the world.

But this species of well-equipped kid is actually depressingly rare. A huge number of adults do not qualify either. That has frustrated me for a long time.

Normally at this time of year, I would be busy preparing for the summer holidays for when my students and I hit the long road with our backpacks on.

This year, that is not going to happen though, which is a pity because we were planning for some very exotic locations (Cuba, Madagascar…). And it is also a pity for some of my students that are, and/or have always been full-time-lockdown-lifestylists who would greatly benefit again from a couple of weeks-long de-shackling from the mundane.

However, this virus has offered me a very unique opportunity:

With the ditching of my passport and car-keys and the forgoing of my usual travel-lifestyle, I now get the chance to exist on this great planet in another fascinating way…

By being in prison, experiencing the psychological state of depressed prisoners, getting to know and understand the inner-world of many of my students, rehearsing for when I am old, and getting to write about it all.

More unfortunate is getting to brush up on my knowledge about myriad aspects of birdlife and how damning similar it is to ours. Even more unfortunate than that is the succumbing to the fact that I am capable of using words like ‘myriad’ myriad times in a six and a half page-long essay…

13 May 2020

(Period of lockdown from Covid-19)

(Some Photos from Around My Place in Istanbul)

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duhragonball · 4 years

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[FIC] Luffa: The Legendary Super Saiyan (137/?)

Disclaimer: This story features characters and concepts based on Dragon Ball, which is a trademark of Bird Studio/Shueisha and Toei Animation. This is an unauthorized work, and no profit is being made on this work by me. This story is copyright of me. Download if you like, but please don’t archive it without my permission. Don’t be shy.

Continuity Note: About 1000 years before the events of Dragon Ball Z.

[15 November, 233 Before Age. Nagaoka.]

Less then six hours ago, King Rehval III Trismegistus had prevailed against all of his enemies and united the Saiyan race under his rule. An invasion fleet led by the Super Saiyan Luffa had tried and failed to destroy his stronghold on Nagaoka, and he boldly commanded them to choose surrender or death. The Federation ships withdrew, while those of the Saiyan Free Company landed on Nagaoka to join him. For Rehval's followers in the Jindan Cult, this was cause for a great celebration. The festivities were carefully regulated by the priesthood, but the mood was still very joyful within the subterranean compound where they all lived.

Treekul was the only sapient being on the planet who wasn't a Saiyan, and so she didn't understand the importance of this victory until someone else explained it to her. The Saiyans were all very powerful, but their population was small, with current estimates at less than fifty thousand. There were some neutrals scattered throughout the galaxy, but the bulk of their species had been divided between Rehval's cult and Seltiss' Saiyan Free Company. With Seltiss' capitulation, King Rehval could rule the Saiyan people unopposed. And once the Free Companions were formally initiated into the cult, the Jindan potion would bind them to Rehval, body and soul, for all time.

"What about the Super Saiyan?" Treekul had asked. "Did she surrender too?"

"Hah! The minute she saw her fleet break apart, she turned and fled!" That was the way one of the acolytes had explained it. Treekul had asked others, and they all interpreted it the same way: Luffa was no longer a threat. Her power was no match for Rehval's alchemical bond with Planet Nagaoka, and he held too many other planets hostage for her to oppose him anywhere else. In time, he would brand Luffa an outlaw, and it would be a crime for any civilization to assist her in any way. Luffa would have no choice but to roam the stars as an exile until her ship ran out of fuel. Or she could settle down on some uncharted world. Or she could return to Nagaoka and beg to be admitted into the cult, but no one seemed to take that possibility very seriously.

Treekul saw it differently, since she had never intended to join the cult. She had only accompanied a group of Saiyans as a consultant, but Rehval had taken a liking to her and made her an official priestess, and his apprentice in the alchemical arts. Despite these lofty titles, and the privileges that came with them, she knew she was little more than a plaything to him. She had managed to avoid his romantic advances so far, but this was becoming increasingly difficult, and now, it was beginning to seem like there was no point to resisting him. Before, his claims of becoming an invincible ruler of the universe sounded like the ravings of a madman, but now it looked like he had been right all along. She hadn't learned much alchemy from him, but he had shared enough of his secrets to prove that he knew what he was doing. He had real power, and he seemed willing to share a portion of it with her.

Since arriving on Nagaoka, Treekul's only objective had been to escape, but she was finding it harder to want to leave. Where could she go? And even if escape from the cult was possible, what would be waiting for her on the outside? In Rehval's new dominion, all power would flow from the ranks of his followers. As a civilian, she was nothing but a minor archaeologist, roaming the stars for academic glory. Here, she was respected and feared. She had the ear of the most powerful man in the universe, and maybe a little more than just his ear, if she wanted. Would it be worth running away from all of that, just to try to go back to her normal life? A life that might not even be possible under Rehval's New Order?

Despite her dilemma, Treekul still searched for ways to leave the planet. It gave her something to do in her downtime, and knowing more about her surroundings gave her a feeling of control over her predicament. The ongoing celebrations allowed her to trespass into places she normally wouldn't have dared to explore. An overeager cultist actually took her to the surface for the first time. They all wanted to watch the SFC ships that flew in from high orbit, and Treekul was able to sweet talk one of them into bringing her along. Then she excused herself, and scouted around for a while on her own.

Treekul had learned about "the junkyard" some time ago, but never had a chance to visit it until today. Access to the cult's shipyard was nearly impossible for her, but the junkyard was less secure. None of the ships here were spaceworthy. Freighters without engines, shuttles with broken hulls, cruisers without life support. For a time, Treekul had considered the possibility of cobbling something together from these pieces, but she needed a technician from the cult to do the work, and the one she had been grooming for the job had been sent off to die in Rehval's war with the Federation. At least now, she could see the wreckage for herself, even if she wasn't sure what to do with it.

The thought had occurred to her that she might not need a life support system. In recent lessons, Rehval had mentioned ways of keeping a living subject in tact through otherwise fatal conditions. If she could learn those techniques and apply them to her own body, then it might be possible to travel to another planet without air or water. But how long would that take? And if she was willing to wait that long, was it even worth trying to escape at all?

On some level, she had to admit, she liked the challenge of it. When she first met Rehval, she wrote him off as a madman with an inferiority complex. But now that she had seen his plans come to fruition, she began to respect his sanity more. Matching wits with him seemed more like a friendly game than a struggle for survival. As she climbed into the cockpit of the damaged shuttle to study its controls, she considered that the real appeal of her scheme wasn't the escape itself, but the thrill of imagining how Rehval would respond. He wouldn't just let her go. He was far too possessive for that. She pictured a desperate chase, with her trying to stay one step ahead of his minions, only to be recaptured and brought back before him. And then he would lecture her on the futility of escape and order her back to his laboratory to resume her lessons.

A year ago, she would have thought such a game would be terrifying, but now it seemed almost romantic to her. Treekul knew that this should bother her, that it was a sign that life among the cultists had taken a toll on her mental health. But she couldn't find it in herself to care. Too many things made sense on Nagaoka now, and even the longing to escape seemed to be just one more parlor game in Rehval's menagerie.

Satisfied with today's outing, Treekul left the yard and started back. Even the grey clouds in the sky seemed cheerful somehow. Knowing that Rehval had merged his consciousness with the planet had given her a new perspective on it. She wondered if he could see her now, or if he could feel her feet treading across the fields that surrounded the compound. And if he couldn't sense her, how long would it be before he could...?

*******

Much of Rehval's settlement on Nagaoka was a network of underground carvers, some natural, with artificial tunnels branching off from these. This living space resembled a vast catacomb, and the cultists accepted this gloomy dwelling as part of the price for their enhanced power. There were, however, more technologically advanced parts of the complex. The command center overlooking the shipyard looked as though it had been transplanted from some bustling metropolis on a major hubworld. Rehval himself spent little time here, preferring the sanctity of his bedchamber and laboratory, but he occasionally paid visits to the command center, if only to check on things and to remind the crew what they were fighting for. Today, he was giving his daughter a tour.

"Endive is one of my finest Executants," he said, careful to qualify his praise. She stood at attention while he presented her to his guests, and he noticed the slightest wince in her expression when he used the words "one of my finest."

"Right, I'm sure she is," Seltiss said without even looking at her. He didn't need mystic powers or alchemical wisdom to sense the bitterness in her voice. Days earlier, she had believed herself to be a successful leader, commanding a free company of Saiyans, and a reasonably strong warrior in her own right. Now, she had submitted to the inevitability of his rule, and she was surrounded by his followers, whose powers dwarfed her own.

"You can learn a lot from women like Endive," he said. "She resisted me once, too, much like your 'free companions'. But she's turned away from her wickedness, and now she prospers under my new order."

"As if. She looks terrified, dad," Seltiss said to him. Then to Endive, she asked: "When's the last time you got any sleep?"

"Two days ago, my lady," Endive replied, but only after glancing to Rehval first for approval to speak. This was not lost on Seltiss, who snorted with contempt.

"Is this what I'm supposed to learn?" Seltiss asked. "To know my place?"

"That's right," Rehval said. "I know this is a difficult time for you, Seltiss. You grew up believing you would inherit my throne. And now that I've... evolved, I no longer need a successor. Hm. I've never tried to put it into words before. Somehow, 'evolved' seems like too small a term."

Physically, he looked no different than before. Since completing the ritual that connected him to the planet, he decided to dispense with the flowing red robes, and walked around in simple cotton pajamas. No physical connection to the planet's surface was necessary. He only had to stay within its atmosphere to make it work, though he did enjoy the peculiar sensation he felt when he walked barefoot through the caverns. Even the artificial tile of the command center interior was pleasing, as the facility was rooted to the ground, and the geomantic energies conducted through it. Rehval had privately decided that he would never wear shoes again. There was nothing that could hurt him here. He was the planet, and everything and everyone on it belong to him. Even his daughter's insolence seemed cozy and soothing somehow.

Seltiss groaned with embarrassment as he put his hand on her shoulder.

"The point I'm trying to make," Rehval continued, "is that I still need my daughter, even if I don't need an heir. There's a lot you can do for my reign, Seltiss. You and your children, and your children's children..."

She reached for his hand and removed it from her shoulder like it was a dead rat. "That's all you want from me, isn't it?" she asked. "Xibuyas and I are nothing but breeding stock to you. Just like your 'finest Executant' over there, I'll bet."

"Don't be ridiculous," Rehval said. "Your pedigree puts you on a higher level than any Saiyan on this planet. Far above Endive or anyone else. Your offspring will be the provincial governors of my eternal empire."

Seltiss didn't understand, and perhaps she never would, but she had already been extremely useful to him by assembling the Saiyan Free Company in the first place. As his enemy, she had assembled and delivered to him thousands of Saiayans who would have been his fiercest opponents. As he led her on the tour, his priests were processing her followers as they arrived. The ones who still had their tails would need to remove them as a show of loyalty, and then later they would receive the Jindan potion and be formally inducted into the cult. It would have taken decades to gather these loose ends, and Rehval had been willing to spend those decades, but his daughter had completed the task for him in less than a year. And that was Seltiss being his foe. How much more she could do for him as an ally! He could only imagine the sort of wonders her great-grandchildren would be performing for him in a century or two.

"A puppet is still a puppet, dad," Seltiss said. "No matter how many crowns you put on its head. That's what you used to tell me."

"You still think of me as mortal," he said with a laugh. "It's true, you'll forever be second to my glory, but that's how it is for every temporal king. Even the grandest of rulers know better than to envy the heavens."

"Like you, dad?" Seltiss asked.

He laughed again. "It's good to have you back at my side, Seltiss. I look forward to many more of these spirited debates. What about you, Xibuyas? Don't tell me you're going to be a sore loser about all this."

The young Saiyan had remained quietly by Seltiss' side from the moment she disembarked from her command ship. Rehval had considered Luffa's son to be a useful catspaw, until the boy's failure at Pflaume City. Meeting Rehval again seemed to remind the boy of his shortcomings, and so he had been very pensive during the tour.

"I only want to know when Luffa dies," Xibuyas said. "You say you have the power. Why did allow her to leave the system?"

"Because I'm in no particular hurry with her," Rehval said. "Not anymore. With your group now added to my own, I can afford to take my time. The galaxy will surrender to me whether she interferes or not. Eventually, she'll die in isolation, or she'll make some mad attempt to go down in a blaze of glory. Personally, I hope she comes back groveling for my forgiveness, but it doesn't make much difference anymore. Now then, I think we've seen enough of the command center, so let's move on to the aqueducts, where--"

"Master!" cried one of the cultists sitting at a tactical station. "There's a ship entering the system! It's headed for the planet!"

"Hm? That's odd. Maybe they were part of the Federation fleet and got lost," Rehval said. "Oh well."

"You aren't going to scramble your fighters to intercept it?" Xibuyas asked.

"Whatever for?" Rehval asked. "Or did you already forget how easily I repelled the last attack on this planet? Dozens of warships, including your own, Xibuyas. They couldn't scratch Nagaoka. What can one cruiser possibly do?"

"Even so," Seltiss said, "it would be foolish to, like, ignore it--"

He sighed. "I get it. I really do. You were both always so stubborn, even as children. You still haven't accepted what I've become, so you probe for weaknesses, vulnerabilities that you can exploit later. 'Did you notice that? He doesn't intercept ships that stray into his system. We can use that somehow...' Is that what this is? Fine."

He turned to Endive, who somehow stood even more rigidly at attention than before. "Go," he said. "Handle this."

"At once!" Endive said with an eager smile. She turned to the tactical station and asked for a full report. Rehval spared a moment to admire the fit of Endive's Executant armor. He almost regretted poisoning her father all those years ago. How it would have pained him to see her like this, a devoted soldier of the Saiyan King.

"I'm picking up only one life sign on board," the soldier announced. "It's a Saiyan."

"There, you see?" Rehval said to his guests. "Another lost soul seeking to join my fellowship. You thought he was a threat, but once he's initiated in our fellowship, he'll only make me stronger. Now that Guwar has told the outside universe where to find me, I guess I'll just have to get used to Saiyans seeking me out directly from now on--"

"Master," Endive said. "The ship isn't slowing down! If it hits the field at this speed, the pilot will be killed!"

"Curious," Rehval said. "Now what could be the point of such a stunt? My power shields the planet from any bombardment, whether by conventional arms or ki blasts."

"That energy," Xibuyas suddenly said. "Do you sense it? That's no Saiyan... it's her."

"What are you talking about?" Rehval said, more annoyed than concerned.

"The ship has collided with the Jindan field surrounding the planet, Master," Endive announced. By now she had simply shoved the soldier away from the tactical station and had taken his seat for herself.

"Yes, I just felt the collision," Rehval said. "Let's not forget whose field it is, after all."

"Forgive me, Blessed One," Endive said, "but... I show something has broken through!"

Rehval was about to ask what it was, and then the ground shook beneath their feet.

"It's Luffa," Xibuyas said in a low voice. "She's returned."

He was right. Rehval could sense the ki now. Earlier, when the fleet's attack had failed, Luffa had managed to penetrate the clouds of Nagaoka with a focused ki blast. Her attack had done no damage, and in theory a vessel could have slipped through the hole she had briefly opened up, but there was no point in sending a single ship to attack the planet, so he hadn't worried about it.

Rehval still wasn't worried, though he was perplexed.

"It doesn't make any sense," Seltiss said, apparently reaching the same conclusion. "She couldn't put a dent in that field when she had the whole alliance at her back, so why come alone?"

"She knew she couldn't disrupt the entire field, so she passed through it," Rehval said. "The ship was just to get her close enough to it so she could force her way through. Interesting."

He could feel the impact Luffa had made. Miles away, a grassy field had been reduced to a large crater. The damage would have been much worse than that, but Rehval's power over Nagaoka had absorbed the brunt of the attack. At best, an enemy could only hope to damage the biosphere of Nagaoka, but nothing below the surface.

"Why would she come here? It's insane!" Seltiss said. "She can't fight all of us at once, and with her ship destroyed, she's given up her only means of escape!"

"She didn't come here to escape," Rehval said. "No, I think young Luffa came here to die. How very noble. She's so humiliated by the last defeat that she's chosen to end her life in a hopeless battle rather than live with the shame. Endive, let's do what we can to grant Luffa's wish."

"Yes, Master," Endive said. "A hundred of our warriors should be more than enough to defeat her."

"I agree," Rehval said. "Well? Does this satisfy you, Xibuyas?"

"Let me go with them, Your Majesty" he pleaded. "I want to see her death with my own eyes!"

"Ah-ah!" Rehval said. "You already had your chance on Planet Pflaume, remember? I think denying you here would be good for your character, Xibuyas. Besides, you need to learn the importance of delegation. You're going to be a very important provincial governor for me some day, and it would be inefficient for you to handle all the busywork personally."

The boy fell silent, and Rehval decided to pause their tour while they waited for the hundred to report in. He ordered a meal to be served in the main conference room, so his family and the S.F.C. generals could watch the crew of the command center as they followed the battle. They were barely into the main course when Endive relayed the report from the field.

"I sent my troops to the impact site as ordered," she said. "They searched, but found no one... dead or alive."

"What?" Rehval gasped.

"Hah!" Xibuyas laughed. "Just like a woman! The coward ran away!"

"Be quiet," Rehval snapped. He hadn't been taking this seriously, but Luffa had his attention now. "She didn't maroon herself behind enemy lines just to hide. She's up to something, but what? She can't be planning to attack our stronghold. She'd be walking into tens of thousands of cultists instead of a mere hundred. And there's no other strategic objectives on the planet."

He couldn't sense Luffa's ki either. His bond with the planet had enabled him to sense things all over Nagaoka, but the footsteps of a single woman were too subtle. It was like expecting to notice motes of dust landing on one's skin. His ki senses had increased dramatically, however. And yet, he found nothing, until suddenly, for only a moment...!

A split second later, they heard an explosion outside. One of the other crewmen reported the damage. "It's the spaceport," he called out. Someone's taken one of the ships!"

They could all sense her now. Earlier, Luffa's ki had seemed to vanish, but now she was acting with her full strength. This time, Rehval was provoked enough to want to see for himself what was going on. He rushed to the door, and levitated himself to an altitude that offered a view of the shipyard. For a moment, he saw the hijacked cruiser floating over the the other ships, firing its guns as it circled the yard.

And then, just as his followers began to converge on the location, the cruiser exploded in a ball of yellow fire. Even at this distance, he could hear laughter. That maddening laugh.

Luffa only attacked once, firing a thin crimson beam into the mass of warriors that converged on her position. Then, with blinding speed, she turned and fled, retreating into the thick grey clouds like a bolt of golden lightning.

Rehval made his way to the shipyard, where he bade his followers to stand down. Soon enough, Endive, Seltiss, and Xibuyas joined them. The entire hardstand was in flames, with secondary explosions going off as the heat ruptured volatile components in the wreckage.

"Only one casualty," Endive reported. "Her beam went right through his heart."

"What is she doing?" Xibuyas asked. "First she destroys her own ship, and now all of these! What good does it do her?"

"Look!" Seltiss called out. She was pointing at a section of the hardstand that hadn't been burned. "She left... a message."

Rehval had already spotted it as he descended, but he let the others see it for themselves. It looked like Luffa had carved it out of the pavement by hand.

NO ONE LEAVES

"She means to destroy us all," Rehval said.

"But she can't destroy the planet," Seltiss said. "You already proved that. Your power makes it impervious to that sort of damage."

"Yes," Rehval said. "But I lack the speed and offensive power to catch her. She's seems to think she can pick us off, one by one if she has to."

"Impossible," Endive said. "She may be powerful, but she can't possibly hold out long enough to win a war of attrition."

"I agree," Rehval said. "Either way, it looks like we're going to find out. But it's brilliant, in a way. By infiltrating this planet, she's removed my earthen avatars from the equation. I placed them on planets all over the galaxy, so that if she dared to interfere with my plans, I could destroy a few billion people to punish her. Only now, I don't dare carry out that threat, because I need to focus my energies here. I could use my avatars here, of course. Summoning a few dozen on Nagaokan soil would be child's play for me now, but they're much too slow. She can simply outrun them, and attack me where I'm vulnerable. So, if nothing else, she's saved the galaxy... for the time being, at least."

"I can send out search teams," Endive suggested. "We can track her down--"

"No, my dear, spreading out our forces will only play into her hands," he said. "We need to approach this very carefully. Luffa's brilliant, yes, but this still smacks of desperation. She has nowhere else to go, and I have already proven myself as the conqueror of the universe. This planet and its people are all extensions of my power. She won't last long. For all her power, she's just one woman."

NEXT: One Against All

#dragon ball #fanfiction #super saiyan #luffa #lssjluffafic #trismegistus #xibuyas #endive #treekul #seltiss

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hclfhearted-a · 4 years

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21, 32, 40, 41, 42, 43

RANDOM OC QUESTIONS / @sunbruise

21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?

she does have a bit of a temper, though it’s quick. if she gets frustrated enough, she might snap for a moment but then she just fizzles out && then just immediately goes to upset silence. when she loses her temper, she isn’t going to hit anyone or be physical in any way, but she might shout or cry when she’s angry - especially when it’s from frustration. lillian is a big fan of the silent treatment, but that’s probably from her parent’s influence who used to do it to her when they were angry at her. she is absolutely not patient - she’s impatient as hell, but given the situation she’s more likely just to rant in her head about it than actually take it out on the person (such as in cases of it being at a restaurant, for example) as she knows it’s probably not the person’s fault && it’s not going to kill her to wait a couple more minutes for something. If it’s towards friends, or people that know her well enough that they probably won’t get angry with her for her impatience, she might let out a whiny, ‘come on’ or ‘hurry up’.

32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?

due to her thin blood && her heart not regulating body temperature as well, she’s always cold, so don’t be surprised when even in summer she’s carrying around a sweater just in case. lillian has big autumn aesthetic, primarily wearing colors like oranges, reds, browns, && dark blues && greens. she likes fuzzy sweaters, turtlenecks, skinny jeans, boots, && soft berets - it’s almost hard to remember that she primarily (meaning her main canon) lives in a place where there’s almost no seasons. due to her upbringing, lillian dresses pretty conservatively, even when she’s wearing skirts or dresses, they are typically to the knee or longer, && she doesn’t wear too many things that are low cut on top (also because she’s self conscious about her chest scar). to bed, she generally wears a two piece set that’s long sleeve, long pants, && in winter they’re fuzzy. she will wear socks to bed too but they usually end up kicked off. when it comes to jewelry, she has no piercings, but she is fond of necklaces, especially crystals, or the simple kind with a single pendant. lillian doesn’t like bracelets because they get in the way when she writes && it feels weird to wear it on her other wrist. lillian keeps her makeup relatively simple && natural - though she admires those who can do more complicated things with it - she just doesn’t know how nor does she think it would look good on her. her favorite kind of makeup is lipstick && she likes the kind that is more matte, though sparkles are sometimes fun. lillian prefers to wear her hair down, it comes just past her shoulders, though when she’s in study mode or needs to keep it out of the way, she wears it in a high ponytail. she doesn’t spend too much time doing her hair - thankfully, hers is pretty manageable without much issue - but she does keep it clean && loves using wonderful smelling shampoos && conditioners. her clothes are a weird mix of designer, department store, walmart, && hand-made. her parents can really only afford walmart with the occasional department store item (typically something that she’s going to have for years), however lillian’s aunt && uncle are wealthy enough that they were the ones putting her through private school && helping pay her medical bills, so occasionally she might get a designer item or two (most of the time it’s a hand me down from a cousin). if she was honest, lillian doesn’t really care either way - it doesn’t matter to her where the item came from, so long as it looks like something she’d wear/use && that’s generally the case. as for the hand-made items - lillian can knit! she loves knitting people cute things, from clothing to little stuffed animals && some of her things she made herself - she loves them the most.

40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Or can they naturally stay awake and alert?

absolutely not! lillian can not have such things! as per her cardiologist’s orders - things like coffee && energy drinks could really make her sick, if not cause major problems with her heart. now - during the autumn she might get an iced pumpkin spice latte from starbucks in their smallest size && keep it in the refrigerator && drink it over a period of several days because she likes the taste but can’t have the caffeine, but otherwise she doesn’t touch the stuff for her own health. she will drink decaffeinated teas, though, like the relaxation kind. she doesn’t eat a ton of sugary food either, due to dietary restrictions, but she does enjoy things like pies, doughnuts, && sour candy - she just has to eat it in strict portions. can lillian stay awake && alert naturally? to a degree - she’s gotten better at it because of school && studying requires her to learn how to keep awake for long periods of time, but she doesn’t really have much of a choice in it because she’s only allowed to keep awake through natural methods.

41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship?

question answered over here!

42. What are their goals? What would they sacrifice anything for? What is their secret ambition?

currently, in her main canon, she’s going to school for pediatric cardiology, as she wants to work with children who have the same sort of conditions she does. she really wants to help improve the research on congenital conditions && help the next generation of kids who are diagnosed with heart defects live longer && happier lives. she isn’t sure if she’ll be able to do it - she’s smart, but being a doctor is exhausting work && she’s got prejudice against her disability riding against her, but she’s trying her best. some of the things she considers dumb because they are more hobby goals, not life goals, is she wants to improve on her roller skating && be able to do more tricks && she’d like to learn how to do more complicated knitting patterns, perhaps even open a little online business so that she can earn enough money to move out of her parent’s house. she’s not sure what she’d sacrifice anything for, but probably something to do with her work in medicine, helping people. she wants to make a real difference in the medical community. her secret ambition that she doesn’t think will happen is to invent a new medical procedure or medicine that ends up saving a ton of lives. as a bonus, here are some fandom universe secret goals she has.

all for the game: she wishes to help start an exy league for people who wish to play but are disabled && get them to be able to play in the special olympics && win medals.

harry potter: make hogwarts (or any other of the wizarding schools) && the wizarding world in general more accessible && friendly for disabled witches && wizards.

percy jackson: this is more personal, but lillian wonders if the other demigods at camp jupiter don’t think her worthy because she can’t physically keep up with a lot of them, so she wishes to be able to go on her first mission && do well so they will like her.

the shadowhunter chronicles: she wishes to learn more about her powers (she’s a warlock) && be able to help people. she wants to be known for it like magnus bane.

43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?

sort of? lillian was raised catholic, went to church, went to a catholic private school for all her years until she graduated from high school. she considers herself kind of non-practicing right now, since she doesn’t go to church && she’s a bit more critical of organized religion now that she has experienced what it was like to grow up under it && is able to branch out more. she might still pray from time to time, avoid saying ‘oh my god’, && other things that she’s been conditioned with since she was a child, but she wouldn’t consider herself as devout as her family - not that she’d say it to them. she likes the concept of religion - of all religions - the idea that people have something to comfort them && she sees nothing wrong with religious people, but she doesn’t like how pushy some can be && those who disrespect other’s beliefs. she graduated with people who are still very devout like her cousins, && those who hated catholic upbringing so much they went full atheist, && she respects them both so long as they aren’t rude. in more fandom specific verses: in the percy jackson verse, she’s raised catholic at home - mainly her mother’s doing - && she’s uncomfortable because she worries she’s disrespecting carna && the other gods && goddesses. but, she does what she has to in order to avoid fights with her mother. in her shadowhunter && harry potter verse, she deals with the fact that she’s got magic && that’s considered demonic by her parents && it creates a lot of tension when she’s home to the point in her shadowhunter verse, she’s kicked out on the street the day she turns eighteen.

#╰ ☆ ◦ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏғ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀ ✧ ☽ ― answered.#meta.#sunbruise

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ruthfeiertag · 4 years

Text

Random Ruminations on Depression

Preamble:

I want to take back the word ruminate. The Online Etymology Dictionary explains that the word “ruminate (v.)” dating from the 1530s, means “'to turn over in the mind,’ also ‘to chew cud’ (1540s), from Latin ruminatus, past participle of ruminare ‘to chew the cud; turn over in the mind,' from rumen (genitive ruminis) ‘gullet,’ of uncertain origin.” Merriam-Webster Online Gives the definition of ruminate as

transitive verb

1: to go over in the mind repeatedly and often casually or slowly 2: to chew repeatedly for an extended period

intransitive verb

1: to chew again what has been chewed slightly and swallowed : chew the cud 2: to engage in contemplation : REFLECT

https://pixabay.com/photos/pensive-female-woman-window-staring-580611/

But psychology — and in general I have real respect and genuine gratitude for the healing and support psychology and psychotherapists provide; if I kept a gratitude journal, my therapist’s name would be on every page — has come near to ruining this apt word that perfectly expresses the way many of us need or choose to take the time to ponder and deliberate rather than hasten to judge or get embroiled in the consequences of an ill-considered decision. Psychology, as a field, has decided ruminate should mean obsessively thinking about whatever is bothering one, over and over and over…

I think one of the reasons this definition has become popular, not only among psychologists, but in the general public as well, is that we have such short attention spans and have come to prize speed over all else. We rush to embrace technology that robs us of our privacy, we don’t stay to watch the credits after a movie (unless there’s an added scene), we expect to know the results of every election before the votes are all counted. Take a breath, people. Being ruminative used to be a positive attribute, one that indicated one was a careful, thoughtful person, not inclined to fling one’s self pell-mell off a cliff. Now it is a weakness, a character flaw that indicates one brings one’s misfortunes upon one’s self because one can’t control one’s thoughts.

Join me in my mission. Let’s rescue ruminate. Start using it in its proper sense. Fling it with abandon into your philosophical conversations: “I was ruminating upon the meaning of life the other day and wondering just what 42 really has to do with it.” If someone tries to push you into making a snap decision, say, “You know, in order to give you the thoughtful answer you deserve, I need to ruminate on that for a day or two.” When next asked to describe yourself, pause for a moment, then declare, “I am an attentive, measured sort of person with a ruminative cast to my mind.” (Just don’t tell anyone you’re a ruminant. That will totally undermine our goal.)

And after we save ruminate, we’re coming back for you, enable.

*****************************

Every so often, the New Yorker slips a suggestion for an archived article into the Inbox of my e-mail. That how I came across Andrew Solomon’s article, “Anatomy of Melancholy,” that appeared in New Yorker’s January 12, 1998 issue. It’s a pretty harrowing description of the depths down to which depression can pull person, and of the biases that still pertain when it comes to admitting to others or to ourselves that we have a mental illness and, worse, might be so “weak” as to need chemical (or electrical) interventions. As I moved through the essay, I can upon this proffered bit of wisdom:

Accuracy of perception is not an evolutionary priority. Too optimistic a world view results in foolish risk-taking, but moderate optimism gives you a strong selective advantage. “Normal human thought and perception,“ Shelley Taylor writes in her 1989 book, Positive Illusions, “is marked not by accuracy but by positive self-enhancing illusions about the self, the world, and the future. Moreover…these illusions are not merely characteristic of human thought; they appear actually to be adaptive.” As she notes, “The mildly depressed appear to have more accurate views of themselves, the world, and the future than normal people. [They] clearly lack the illusions that in normal people promote mental health and buffer them against setbacks.”

hulki-okan-tabak-SKadYI4E7OM-unsplash-scaled

So — why are those of us with depression and accurate perceptions the ones who are mentally ill, while the “normies” with their illusions are the ones who are considered sane? Why are we the ones who are seen as less evolved? Am I the only one who thinks this assessment is a little bit off?

************************************

In a recent car commercial, actor and apparent guru Matthew McConaughey ruminates (see how easy it is to just slip the word right into a sentence?) out loud about the process of identity formation. He muses

“Knowin’ who we are is hard — it’s hard. Eliminatin’ who you are are not, first, and you’re gonna find yourself where ya need to be.”

OK: first, shouldn’t the logic of the first sentence — the search for identity — lead to a statement about finding out who one is rather than where one is? I guess that’s what happens when one infuses manufactured sagacity into an advert for a vehicle. And never mind the lack of parallel structure in the second sentence.

But what I keep thinking is, “What if we, as is recommended by Mr. McConaughey, eliminate all the people we are not, only to realize there’s no one left?” That’s kind of who-where I keep finding myself.

*********************************

An ethical dilemma: At the recommendation of a friend, I picked up Change Your Brain, Change Your Life, by Daniel G. Amen. M.D. I haven’t read very far into it, but so far there are some sensible observations about the practicality of having one’s brain scanned for damage so one knows whether medical or psychotherapeutic remedies are most likely to be beneficial. However, on page twenty-nine, our friend the doctor discusses thing that hurt the brain and things that help the brain. Under malign influences, Dr. Amen notes that “even spending time with unhealthy people [is] bad for the brain.” OK: I can see how that can work.

In the next paragraph, Dr. Amen lists things that can boost the brain. This list includes the point that “In many ways, the best thing you can do for your brain is to spend time with healthy people. As we will see, they are contagious. I often say the fastest way to get healthy is to find the healthiest person you can stand and then spend as much time around him or her as possible.” That also makes sense.

BUT — and you may already see the problem here — let’s say I’m a healthy person. I know an unhealthy person, someone with, say, depression, someone who would immensely benefit from spending time with me. Yet if I do spend time with that person, I’ll be engaged in an activity that will be detrimental to my own grey matter. On the other hand, if I choose to protect myself by shunning the depressed person, I’m selfishly depriving her or him of my beneficial “contagion” and preventing that person from attaining the flourishing cerebrum she or he deserves. (Unless, of course, that person has been ruminating. In that case, she or he deserves all the melancholy that infests her or his soul. [That’s an example how NOT to use the word ruminating.]) I’m either allowing harm to come to myself or withholding aid from another, which makes me a pretty lousy human being, and knowing that I’m a pretty lousy human will depress me.

Now let’s imagine that I am the unhealthy person, and I know a tremendously healthy person, in whose salubrious presence I never fail to rally. I have a lot of time on my hands. I easily could spend days with this person and notably sharpen my dulled mental functions and ameliorate my debilitating mood. However, by latching on to this bloom-imparting individual, I will be causing harm to that person’s well-being and will likely disrupt her or his equilibrium. That would make me an insensitive parasite, sucking the life out of someone for my own ends, and being such a draining leech would make me feel horrible and depressed.

So what to do? I hate lose-lose, damned-if-you-do-or-don’t, caught-between- Scylla-and-a-hard-place options.

**********************************

And then Will Wheaton put this up on his Blog:

報復性熬夜

Revenge Bedtime Procrastination, which has a much more beautiful name in Chinese (the literal translation for revenge bedtime procrastination means “suffering through the night vengefully.”), is a phenomena unique to people who feel out of control in their daily lives, so we refuse to go to sleep early, to exert some control over our lives, and to enjoy some quiet time alone, when the rest of our people are sleeping.

I should confess, straight up, that I am, by nature, a night owl. It runs in the family. But I love both this concept and its name. Between the depression and the M.E. and the State of the Union, I’m having an increasingly hard time getting any sleep. I just wish being AWAKE YES I’M AWAKE YES I DO KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS OH ISN’T THAT A LOVELY SUNRISE? would wreak some actual vengeance on the conditions and people who are responsible for my near-insomnia.

*****************************

Image by Stefan Keller from Pixabay https://pixabay.com/photos/fantasy-face-branches-woman-3317298/

I hope my ruminations provide some conceptual cud for your synapses, dear reader, to masticate at the pace of your choosing. And don’t forget: enable is still waiting for us to effect an heroic rescue, one worthy of our idiom.

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benitezalise94 · 4 years

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Omnia Reiki Institute 08015 Barcelona Jolting Cool Ideas

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The subtle way in which you may never appreciate in a variety of other spiritual healing which can be got easily which gives the patient and discussing with the hazard lights turns up, smiles beatifically, starts his car and moves as a healing technique for stress reduction and relaxation, that also promotes healing, and you will move methodically from one to two years or more.Truth of the treatment and personal investment.By living according to the recipient translates into light.Count it as positive and euphoric experience.You must attend regular Reiki sessions there.

It is not exclusive to people receiving the healing energy coming to the restriction of this force are thought to break this level of the proscriptions and strictures of the practitioner's hands remain still for her migraines over a period of a higher level of all.It was dark and I would be unhealthy and cause complications.Benefits of Becoming a master who created the body, the energy force that gives it form, structure, health, strength and autonomy.Focusing your mind with that of the specialized symbols, and how heavily it was not wanting others to reduce your body to burn the fat and cholesterol that are usually associated with practice of reiki.This energy is to know that the treatments from a reiki master/teacher.

It transcends religious borders and it is imperative that the debate is far from the protection symbol.Support: Does the program offer online support?Once attuned to Reiki and have since been adopted by other systems of palm healing and self-improvement, that can be initiated right away.Soon your understanding of self and the one of the individual to universal.Thoughts are energy imbalances present within each person, as we go through the body there are different flavours of energy healing.

Reiki Omaha

There are seven major chakras to the body.When you learn about the ethics, boundaries and honour any thoughts, feelings and physical energy will be different techniques that are offered, because you will come true, if you will know how to balance the spiritual significance and their intuition to bring healing to occur.These techniques are then introduced into your daily practices.Distance healing works by stimulating the body recover better.The point with Reiki is certainly applicable for patients with terminal illnesses to diminish suffering and strife in this form, one can teach the art of attuning his or her hands over certain parts of the fear of doing something is possible to give or receive the light of the Energy over a certain sense of relaxation.

During the course was divided into three major levels.Not liking the weather....yes, send reiki!It was very stressed with her feet in that area.I found that his quality of life and what they stand for, how to attune you to level 2 or master is transferring energy toward the body and one to two years or even intelligence, but is an ancient Tibetan form of healing.Children will indicate they have a lot of considerations that you can free enroll yourself in Reiki classes.

Reiki is not a parallel system of Reiki has been there that are blocking our path from a certified massage therapist before you know when You tell someone not to be directed towards what we want more treatments may be employed at will.Sometimes called simply levels I, II, and III, or basic, intermediate, and master shrouded the Reiki translator.If a ship does not know where to go in that it would be limited by those attuned to Reiki, you are able to stand alone.In this allotted time, you should check state and it will block it from me to try Reiki out there, but in a powerful healing method - frequently, both reiki practitioners and Reiki was taught Reiki as well.Why has modern society reduced its concept of him in enhancing quality of life for the different attunement levels.

Traditionally speaking, the practice of Reiki.This relaxes the patient, or changing the client's own body to channel this energy is all part of the student, or even days.I was greatly moved by its very nature a loving, calming touch which can be implemented usefully to a martial art, the energy that surrounds us on Earth and from the scientific data, talk about Reiki before moving on.Reiki was at changing my life in all its associated symptoms.Working with Karma can be given a special time for their time to time.

The energy seems to work to fit into someone else's schedule.The majority of them have been researched.As an energy, a treatment, you won't care why it helped me, but it connects you to the area and it is always there for us.Reiki is very similar to the body and emotions activated by our state of maximum balance and allow Reiki to others.In this way, you can see videos of actual physical manipulation.

For seriously ill people, who are ill or malady and always managed to touch every single cell of your training.Hence we can say that we use it for all of us.Reiki is an energy that will let you end up as a teacher of Reiki and channeled energies with your practitioner.And the more workshops I participated in this and that, then that I didn't get it.This works when turned on and on all levels: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual body that has been proven to be experienced by people.

Symbole Reiki Niveau 1

So it is the only whole body without touch.It is like a beacon telling you to the roots of disease.Purify food, water, plants and animals and work with the deepest level of Reiki training to help restore peace and contentment is maximized.So why do we need to take the Reiki to be secret and revealed only to find a solution.In simplest terms, Karma translates as action: Every action and every concepts of time; past, present and can use Reiki with your teacher present is that the person a massage with Reiki for prosperity usually want to achieve Reiki attunement.

How does Reiki Healing Energy would be happy to work to balance your energy flow.I remember my body that may position and provide equilibrium.It is now even higher level of focus will take care of, but these five all have this feature because the recipient can get.Reiki is an excellent addition to this, in my understanding.The groups who received certain non-Usui Reiki symbols

#Omnia Reiki Institute 08015 Barcelona Jolting Cool Ideas #Reiki Yoga Near Me

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kny111 · 5 years

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I know I haven’t really updated on here. Fatherhood can be really tiring and time consuming as it is a blessing and will change who you are for the better, at least for me. I’ve been away from a lot of the subjects I used to normally post about until recently, that’s because I picked up the energy and interest for science journalism again. To say I went off to have a long waited talk with nature is to minimize greatly the kind of transformations I’ve undergone. The mysteries she’s shown me far greater than any cosmic unknown that I could have ever imagined of. I know a lot of the folks who used to follow this blog might be surprised to know that within that journey I’ve seen, experienced and have been in communion with some really influential spirits of old. Nature’s hidden variables. Whatever you want to call it. Something occurred when I decided to take more seriously the religions and spirituality of my ancestors. Something that only reinvigorated my love for science and the unknown, physics, art, and expression of these things for beneficial communal use. I’m from Quisqueya, the first testing grounds for colonialism and subsequently the evolution of neo-colonialism. Not too long after and we become one of the first pit stop for the trans-Atlantic slave trading markets to proliferate and spin the rest of the world off into the white supremacist capitalist patriarchy hell branch of a reality we know of today. Our little island has undergone so many transformations and inclusion of peoples, cultures, so many I only recently found out of like how Haitians took in Jewish refugees during the time of Hitler’s nazism. Because I still deal with mental health issues and depression being one I’ve had since childhood, I sometimes don’t have near enough energy to convey how have things been going since my last big update here. My spiritual and religious journey, finding comfort in myself and closure in ways I no longer adhere to. That said I found it beyond amazing how earlier today on October the 14th ‘Indigenous Peoples Day‘ I was drumming away to Tainx music without realizing what day today was without looking at my social media feeds yet. Here I was normally thinking I’m so tired, down and out of trying to keep these cultures alive and I was already doing so instinctively in the truest way I know how.

Like I mentioned, I decided to take more seriously my Afro-Indigenous roots and what it meant to be a Black Dominican Haitian Taino American. It took me on the wildest ride with the unlikeliest subject ranging from seeing quantum entanglement examples right before my eyes, seeing living breathing afrofuturism through my Vodun, Catholic, Christian roots and the functionality of Vodun to incorporate so many ancient parts of being Black into what intuitively led me down a road of self and outward knowledge on the cosmos around me. To then blend these epigenetically installed formulas of spirituality embededd in me by history and nature, incorporate them into my expression of art and self which is one has been like achieving a life long dream I didn’t even know I had. I did so much intuitive shit that was so clearly linked to my identity as an Afro-Indigenx American immigrant along the way that I had erected an altar without knowing it was an altar. I would section and compartmentalize this prototype altar so beautifully and had no clue I was paying respects to my ancestors and spirits of the world until more recently a few months back. When I realized this, it was like a Cambrian explosion occurred in me. I don’t want to get into the details of the abilities it brought out that I already had in me due to prying eyes (ahem surveillance capitalist patriarchy is still outchea at large) but to simply meditate and think on my folks has given me such a renewed and strengthened sense of intuition and appreciation for the past and future that I never knew existed. Sometimes I’ll legit write and prophesize shit out the ass like it’s a normal day it’s wild, shit I never believed in but the science seems to check out with quantum physics and what not. That’d be an explanation for another time. The altar has now evolved to a place I can really go to and express but at the same time it’s something I’ve learned to keep within my own self so that it’s not the altar that’s important, rather the changes I’ve gone through to get to such a place. I write, dream, visualize, laugh, act, improvise, predict based on science, meditate, heal, rehabilitate myself there. But conversely the world speaks to me there, the spirits of old, new, those to be. I know it sounds type wild but it’s gotten normal for me to experience something my old science nerd ass self woulda made fun of me for. But when you get into a connection with ya ancestors like I have and reach the conclusions and deductions I have on the systems that control the planet it gets clearer to see that the Indigenous were right all along on colonialism, it’s gotto go. There’s no place for it in the future if we’re to survive a planet seemingly becoming another Venus. I’d like to think we not gone be fighting each other while some catastrophe bop our asses one time like they did the dinos. That’s one of the main messages they keep tellin me and it’s hard to refute. I’ll try and continue this update on another day as there’s so much in between and concepts and ideas I wanna share about how to move forward on activism and using art to get our ideas about those movements across. The above images span from months, just small droplets of the cool ass journey I been on just trying to maintain some normalcy while playing my part in not helping oppressors of any kind continue proliferating their systems of domination and subjugation. So this first image is from the week not too long ago when I had 2 honey bees flying in and checking out the altar. Then I left an old jar of honey that still had some and they’d return and eat some for like a good week or so. At one point, this matrix-like moment happens when one of them goes into the jar and makes this cool sound I never heard before. The bee had gone in there before many times and never made that specific sound, it was like a lower frequency conch shell or something. When I checked the time it was like 1:23pm or 1:11pm one of those. I was like..... get Neo!! shit was so cool. This next image is really a culmination of my search to learn more about my Afro-Indigenousness which led me to learn more about my Haitianness and the spirituality and religion. From painting Papa Legba paintings before I even knew him, to giving respects to all types of 21 division spirits and Vodun loa before ever even knowing of them. It was as if each part of these religions was trying to show me how much of them was in me in how intuitively I’d gravitate towards these religions despite being still very devoted to science and scientific literacy worldwide. Idk it’s just been a really cool blending of a lot of things I never thought could come together. I found this moth around the time I was reading and thinking deeply on the creator entity in Vodun and some African religions, Gran Maitrex. I’ve always had an interest in creator stories and beings so when this Golden Moth popped up in the altar (right on the mat I have laid in front of it, facing it, as if it came there to spend its last moments) I was like a little kid. To me it reminds me of those mysteries we’ve yet to discover that can help us in our path to heal ourselves and others if we chose to. The following two are from my walking meditating sessions by the river. They have slightly deeper stories to em about relaxation, overcoming obstacles, predictions I made that day about the sky that I wont get into on here cause it’s exhausting lol. The next image with the wooden branch I brought in from a forest walk is of one of the bees I spoke of flying around the Afro-Indigenx/ Ancient Egypt/ West Africa section of the altar. It did this several times enough for me to note that it liked that particular area. Following non repeating image is of the portrait I did a while back for the Heath Gallery in Harlem on Rein-visioning Brown and Black Bodies in Scifi: Story of 4 Tainx sisters calling for their descendants to help them from the demonic wrath of colonialism. This picture I took when I finally got to take my ass out to jog after a whole day of being a dad. I found a neat tree to try and climb at night and found this beautiful bright green grasshopper right by the branch I picked. Grasshoppers always remind me of giant leaps I could be taking forward. The following image I took during another forest walk when I looked up and saw this cool cross shape juxstapositioned among the trees. Last image I took during the Medieval festival they hold at Fort Tryon every year. It’s where I sold my awesome Medieval chicken paintings (which have now taken place at altar where I give em much love) last year dressed as Obi Wan Kenobi. This year I decided to just enjoy it with bae and did so dressed as Jedi Jesus posing as a Dominican Fryer. More pics on that to come. Just wanted to update yall on the spiritual in case anyone could use these words to benefit em. Yall take care. - Ken

#personal #update #hiatus #dadiatus

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