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clown-owo · 1 year

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been replaying the Portal series I think this is where its heading

#i haven't drawn in like. half a month. which listen i know i don't post much here but i do draw a lot #i have another blog. but also sometimes i just don't post things. i draw for myself #just got burnt out from working on an animation final 😔#so anyway. eased myself back in with a silly comic about portal #my irl saw my shitty sketch and thought glados was painting chell which is very funny to me.#chelldos #but like. unrequited. glados is obsessed with chell. chell is not having a good time #portal #chell #GlaDOS #GlaD0S #my art #og post #1k #5k #10k #20k #edit: i made this post almost a year ago and it haunts me. theres a typo. chell is out of character.#because i couldn't come up with a good reason for her to be there in the first place #and this was a shitty ms paint replicating drawing that i did just to get back into drawing #i didn't think it would gain much attention #i was Wrong #anyway someone in the comments said this is what happens when you speedrun thats an infintely better setup for the punchline #EDIT 2: ok i fixed it fuck you

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canisalbus · 5 months

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✦ 2023 summary of art ✦

#CanisAlbus #art #artists on tumblr #own art #own characters #yea you can sort of tell when this train got derailed #there's pre and post Vasco 2023 #the good thing is I've been more productive this year than in past 5+ years combined #haven't had this much fun drawing in ages I hope it shows at least in some way or another #unless something really drastic happens I'll probably continue along this trajectory for a while #I might reach a saturation point eventually but there's no way of knowing when that'll happen #so I'm just going to try to make the most of this intense and self-indulgent oc art period #your feedback and support mean a lot to me I hope this year will be as good as 23 #thank you for bearing with me #the missing month is March I didn't post a single thing in March #cw blood #blood #cw gore #gore #cw head injury #head injury

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 29 days

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I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wen ning #wei wuxian #wen qing #jiang cheng #Truly Massive disclaimer here: I am a Jiang Cheng enjoyer. I like his character. I enjoy that he is very flawed and volatile.#This episode of the audio drama has a lot of great breakdown scenes featuring JC - and they all deserve a feature.#But underlying this comic is a small meta comment of 'ah man I have too many comics of JC just wailing sadly'#My goal is to draw 6-8 comics per episode - I sometimes have to truncate and cut good scenes out.#Especially when a large majority is just different flavours of trauma and toxic relationships to your self-worth.#I would also like to make a note here that just because you lose the ability to do something that is very tied to your core identity-#-does not mean your life is over. It will feel like the end of the world. It will send you into a spiral of grief. It will hurt so badly.#Sometimes we do not realize how tied up our identities can be in certain things until we are cut loose.#You don't lose yourself. I promise the pain will fade in time. I promise you will find other things to tether you. I promise you will be ok #Life moves forwards. Time moves forwards. You move forwards.#Ego death just means an opportunity for ego rebirth. You are never committed to being the same person forever.#To wrap this around to JC: Yeah I love the twist with the core transfer but man I would have loved to see JC accept the loss.#Obviously it happens for a reason (story) but I can have my AUs. I can have these 'what-ifs'.#described in alt text #I'm trying it out! *please* give me feedback - I want to eventually Add image ID to all of these comics one day

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napping-sapphic · 8 months

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I just want to fall in love with someone who makes me feel safe like even when we’re angry or sad or upset i just want to know that both of us are still going to be okay

#wlw #wlw mood #sapphic #sapphism #lesbian #today was….not good #and at one point i had a moment #where i was just unbearably SAD and LONELY because i didn’t have anyone to call or talk to about it #but im still really hopeful it will happen some day #because all i want in this world is to feel secure #and for others to feel secure around me #and for everyone to feel secure around people they love #because it’s so painful and scary when you don’t #but one day im going to be warm and happy in someone’s arms and will barely remember this at all #im manifesting it #im completely okay btw things just got a little rough #and in the incredibly stressful and dramatic times i was experiencing my brain STILL had to be gay #im gay and i like sleeping #also yeah i said i wouldnt post after midnight again like two days ago but whatever #im sad and want to yearn on the internet we can make an exception tonight

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dapper-lil-arts · 2 months

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Darlings. is it gay when the phantom you created as a manifestation of your dreadfull loneliness takes the form of one of your closest friends.

Fanart of this pretty good horror rarijack fanfic, "The haunting of carroussel boutique" personaly i am surprised the writer didnt take the chance to point out how fucking funny this is. Me n kim started laughing about it during stream and i just had to draw this

#i REALLY didn't mean to make this look like theyre fucking #it just happened i apologize #either way the fanfic is pretty good!#but i couldn't help but realise the writer stook to the horror genre like glue #and didn't think to point out how objectively funny that like.#Rarity is sleeping with a copy of applejack #incredibly akward #incredibly funny #also shoutout to when ghosts are born from a wish #fuckin LOVE that. much better than “some guy died here”#Rarity haunted herself because of her awfull loneliness #lucky for her the real thing has come to the rescue #applejack #rarity #rarijack #mlp #my little pony #suggestive #I GUESS!!!#fanfiction #pony posting #The Haunting of Carousel Boutique #friendship is magic #personaly i coulda done with more romance and smidge bit more of comedy #but the fic is still very VERY well put together #one genre fics are unrelatable to me but i respect the hell outta it

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turtleblogatlast · 6 months

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One of the earliest examples of Leo’s “I’ll do my own thing to accomplish our goal without discussing it with my team first” is in episode one. It’s super, super quick, and ultimately inconsequential, but it subtly sets up a great precedent that I think is very interesting.

When the boys need to grab the medallion from Splinter without Splinter noticing, Raph, Mikey, and Donnie huddle together with Raph taking the lead in trying to devise a plan to get the mystic device. Meanwhile, Leo slinks away and grabs the device by clocking the situation (by knowing his father well enough to predict his actions - something he does with each family member multiple times in the series) and making a move on his own.

It works out perfectly fine, and is ultimately the best move, and it’s honestly okay that he didn’t consult everyone for something so small when it’s such a non issue to get it, but it nicely sets up how this tends to go in the series, including how it goes in the movie.

To be honest episode one is actually really good at setting up a lot of things for each character in the long run, this is just one example that caught my attention, as small and unassuming as it is.

#rottmnt #rottmnt leo #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #im just ranting at this point feel free to ignore me I’m tired lol #anyway #Leo constantly just goes off and does his own thing #and yeah honestly his own thing often works??? but he alienates his brothers/team in the process #BUT also this isn’t necessarily a one way street #when Leo DOES try to consult his brothers or give his thoughts on matters he’s not really taken seriously #best example here is bug busters where he CONSTANTLY makes his worries and suspicions known only to have them ignored #so it’s almost understandable that he doesn’t often open up about his thought process when it’s easier to just do it #than to try and fail to justify it #after all it almost always works out for him when he does so why not?#and then the movie happens #and that line of thinking doesn’t quite hold up does it?#BUT ON ANOTHER NOTE #like I said episode one is super good at setting characters up #from showing off Donnie’s preference for tech vs magic/mystic #from showing Mikey’s innate talent for mysticism #from showing Raph’s anxieties and how easily they can stack up #there’s more but I’d have to do a closer deep dive on the ep and man am I tired #so off the head rambles it is for now #sorry everyone for my constant spam of Too Many Words into things that are prob Not That Deep #it’s honestly just fun haha #EDIT: bc I saw someone mention it! yeah all the boys have communication issues through the series and it’s super interesting and realistic #Leo in particular stands out to me here because his communication issues are a constant theme that pop up much more often #but each of them experiences this in some form

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inkskinned · 1 year

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im having a particularly terrible night with urges and imagery that i dont know how to handle. i gave in to some things. held back on some others. but im barely holding on, dear internet stranger.

you do not owe me your time or your words.. but if you could write some hope into existence for me.. i would be unendingly grateful to you.

please. tell me how you do it. tell me how you survive. because im not so sure i can get through the fifteen days it'll take to get to my seventeenth birthday.

could you please give me something to place my faith in? i dont think the universe is watching out for me anymore.

i don't usually answer these, because i am not a professional, and you deserve professional help. when i was 17 i was terrified of the idea of professional help, because my household was extremely unsafe, and made it clear that if i ever chose to get help, i would be punished for it.

i hope this is not your case. i hope that you can call someone, and they can take you where you should go.

but i will give you the advice that i wish i got, when i couldn't get help at 17, when i was so bad that years later, i literally don't-know-how-i-survived it: what you want is peace, not death. your brain is sick. it has romanticized an ending where there are no consequences. where effort isn't necessary. where you can just... forget.

you want peace. that is a normal, human thing to want. maybe it feels more like you want quiet. or just... to take a break for a second.

here is what i will say: to end yourself means you never get to experience what it's like to actually be happy. i thought i knew what it was like, and i was bitter about it. i'd say - i've been happy, it's not worth it, because i didn't know what i was missing. i thought that happiness meant having a partner or having a job or money or a college degree. it sounded like effort. it sounded like something that had to happen to me.

for the first time in my life, just this week, i was able to go to a concert and just-enjoy-it. no liquor, no drugs. just stomping my feet and getting caught up in it. i didn't feel nervous or self-conscious or overwhelmed. i just had a good time. these days have a lot of these firsts for me - it is the first time i can eat cake without crying. it is the first time i can be around an exacto blade without supervision. it is the first time i have too many people to call when i am crying.

i can't tell you where you'll run into happiness, only that, for me, it started once i was out of that fucking house. it started once i figured out where the pain was coming from. once i figured out that i was not possessed, something medical was wrong with me. that i am not stupid or lazy, i have depression and adhd. the first few years were difficult. at 19, during my efforts to recover, i actually got worse by a considerable margin. and then, with time and patience - i got better.

happiness doesn't feel like what you think it will. in movies it's so golden and all-encompassing. but it doesn't fly into your hands when you buy your first car nor does it arrive in the arms of a partner nor does it require passing your classes. happiness came to me on a tuesday in the form of a red-winged blackbird, and i looked at her, and she looked at me, and i said - oh. the whole world suddenly filled itself in with color. like i had been forever-asleep. like every corner of every room was suddenly glistening.

it ended quickly, back then. it just stopped in to check in on me. but it was enough - this thing i had never experienced, but that i knew (logically) could happen. before that, i was only staying because it would make my mom sad if i died. that was my only reason. and then the happiness came, so strange and brilliant and lovely that for years i couldn't even look at it directly.

these days, things are so different. life is so much easier. i don't wish for death because so much of what i have is already at peace. my boss understands when i need a mental health day. people in general are less prone to high school drama. entire communities hold my hand and have my number. i have a car and a dog and a little apartment garden and candles on all available surfaces and today i bought myself a little cake just-to-celebrate-nothing. my body is my own and we are both dancing.

there are so many things i've gotten to taste in the last 10 years. i know, for you, that is an eon, because it's more than half of your life. but if it helps? in the 5 years between 17-21: i filled myself with laughter and love. i got to be a lead in a ballet and got my first tattoo and then my second and pierced my ears the way i'd wanted to (one of them professionally the other over a hot stove with a potato) and i discovered hozier is my favorite singer (i know. he was new back then) and i got my first real job and my first real paycheck and i hadn't ever been seen as smart but then i started to actually treat my adhd as a condition rather than a burden and people started saying you're like the smartest person in the room and my best friend met her husband who i will one day stand next to as maid of honor when he is her groom and i got to help people and make a stupid blog called "inkskinned" and find out that writing is actually my passion and that maybe i'm actually kind of good at it if i just practice and i got to meet my parents' dog (his name is kaiju) and i slept on couches and kissed people and tried new things and learned how to breathe without feeling my chest tighten and that peace is here, on this planet, that peace echoes everywhere, it is in my hair and my homework and my houseplants, it is quiet and divine and mine because i fought for it and i built it and yes i lost hair over it but holy shit the whole world feels like it is shifted through a sunbeam

recently someone asked me if i could go back in time to 6th grade, with all the knowledge i have now, would i? and without thinking, i barked absolutely not. i know i should say it's because i wouldn't want to risk losing any of this stuff - but really it's because i would never survive being a teenager again. it sounds incredibly lame and impossible, fake - but being a teenager was the hardest thing i ever did. i had no voice, no control, only fear and hatred.

but i did survive it. nothing about me is special. nothing about me is stronger than you or better prepared or more efficient. i didn't survive it perfectly. i made a lot of mistakes and lost a lot of friends and harmed myself in ways that i'm still recovering from. but i did survive it. and there is a part of me looking at you in the past and saying - i'm you in the future.

and holy shit. every day. every goddamn day i'm glad we survived to see the rest of it. because you hit 18 and everything changes. like, everything. and holy shit, it is infinitely worth it.

#i hope you are okay #i wish i could help more #i hope the pain eases soon #and i hope that you stay #ps . to those of you reading this thinking i should help you too: please just dm me #it makes me really #really really scared when it's anonymous #bc i cant check in with u #i am not a professional and i am not actually good at helping ppl through their troubles #this is an exception bc they are 16 #not the rule #ps if u misunderstand ''being a teenager is the hardest thing i ever did'' when i mention briefly that i was in unsafe housing...#trust me. it was worse there. by like A HUGE margin #every person raised in unsafe housing nodding their head like . oh yeah worse stuff TECHNICALLY happened after but leaving that home was #legit the hardest thing i ever did

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the-force-awakens · 3 months

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Still not used to this life or death situation stuff. That's good, 'cause I'm not either. You never get used to it.

#swedit #starwarsedit #starwarsblr #star wars #poe dameron #flashing gif #nym.gifs #thinking about how in the stuff pre tfa he just. he wants to be a /pilot/ he wants to be a /soldier/ because he doesn't want to have to #carry the burden of the moral calls and the weight of so many people's lives in his hands #especially when strategies go /wrong/#'point me at the bad guys and let me do my thing'#he works alone SO often.#and there's something so genuinely tragic that poe's just. /so/ good at what he does that he ends up catapulting himself into the position #that. he didn't want.#and the thing that /pushed/ him into joining the resistance to prevent from happening again (losing someone he cares about under his #command /keeps/ happening). and worse he ends up in these positions where he /could/ blame himself for things that /aren't/ his call.#like u know he's got to feel responsible for the village on some level not to mention fuckin /kijimi/#it was /his/ idea to go there #the world should've protected you. instead you've been chosen to protect it.#what an honor. what an injustice.#not all of these fit this theme but mostly i just wanted to focus on his reaction/responses to some of the bigger tragedies in the trilogy #and tbh there's also. plenty more shots.

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dizzybizz · 3 months

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sleepy gill and gill with the bubbled evil cat

#hi remember when i thought i was in for a really bad bout of hsr fixation. lets see how thats going.. lets just check in and #oh . oh no. oh this was. this wasnt the plan. oh no #just roll with it #jrwi riptide #gillion tidestrider #gill in pjs got to me ok. gill fighting in pjs got to me. the thought of gill sleeping in a barrel of water with pjs on got to me.#wheni tell you this fkn podcast is the only thing ive been thinking abt for the past few days dude what thef uck #theyre all so stupid they get up to so much bs its fkn great i lvoe the three of them so mcuh WHEHhghh >:'O #my art #i keep nearly forgetting that tag help???#ive slowly been getting used to drawing them jsut you wait til i feel good abt the designs n shit ok its gonna be epic or smth #oop s its 1am soon whoopsies ehehee but like ..... the dumbasses... theyre in my head..#there are so many stupid scenes i want to draw 😭😭😭😭😭#im sorry to. my friends. for jsut . yknow. and everyone really #i wasnt ready for this 😭 idk what happened i just started going through eps so quickly all of a sudden and ive gone through like 12 eps in #2-3 days and i feel absolutely insane and i think abt them so much. theyve taken up all my time help

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bakudekublogblog · 19 days

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talking to normal people about mha is always so enlightening because someone told me they didn't like season six and i was like???? THE BIBLE??????? YOU DONT LIKE THE BIBLE??? BAKUGOU KATSUKI RISING?? THE APOLOGY??? THE CHASING AFTER HIM TO FIGHT SHIGARAKI, THE REVEAL KATSUKI HAS BEEN WORRIED ABOUT IZUKU, IZUKU'S FERAL RAGE WHEN KATSUKI IS STABBED, KATSUKI BEING THE ONE TO FIND IZUKU AND THEN THE ONE TO BRING HIM HOME??? YOU DONT ENJOY THE SACRED TEXTS?? and then i'm like oh right not everyone is a fujoshi high on that sweet, sweet bkdk yaoi

#bkdk #bakudeku #it took all of my willpower not to be like my brother in christ i'm a fujo i'm gonna like anything that bkdk appears in #i'm not here for the powerscaling or the pacing or if they should be third years #i tried to say it like “oh lol i know everything that's gonna happen hhaha i am one of the crazies who stays up for leaks”#but i wanted to be like listen man i'm really only here for the homoeroticism idc about whatever it is youre talking about #not that i dont love mha as a whole i think it's got such a fun sandbox world and cast #it just feels like someone being like omg tell me if that new restaurant is good #and i'm like what the fuck i'm in the kitchen doing cocaine with the cooks #i was a waitress i'm allowed to say this #like we are not consuming the same thing #i'm in the goddamn trenches my emotional state depends on how homoerotic mha is gonna be #i'm in the deep underbelly of bkdk hands and soulmates and yearning i dont even know what you're talking about #i like mha an annoying amount #i wanted to be like remember when i came into work skipping and singing that was because we got bkdk sunset/ptsd scene #i'm a little freak goblin dont ask me if it's good i dont care that it's good I CARE THAT ITS MINE but also fuck you its good #it's the best fuck off if you dont like it you arent worthy of it #hori this is why you should give in and make bkdk canon the fujos are the ones who really love you

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cozylittleartblog · 24 days

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hey wait a minute, i've seen this one before

#transformers #transformers g1 #tracks #raoul #knight rider #kitt #doodles #dat me #ms paint #art #i am 89% sure one of the times in my life i was tangentially being exposed to knight rider was when i was hyperfixated on those two #sighs. i am so predictable. i just like the same things over and over again FDJHBSDFGBHJDSFBHJG #sorry for having good taste i guess #it would be REALLY funny if it happened a third time !

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haunted-xander · 3 months

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Shadowbringers is about learning how to live.

Your enemy is stasis- everything and everyone is stagnant, they wait and wait for something to happen, but don't do anything to make it so (because the ones who tried before failed, because they don't know what to do/how to do it). People don't change, they don't try, not really. The crystarium is doing well, it's independent and sustainable, but it doesn't have the reach or power to do much outside of Lakeland. The Exarch is more-or-less confined to the city (because of the tower, because he's waiting for you), so even if he had power elsewhere, he'd be limited with how much he, personally, can do.

Eulemore is filled with mindless indulgence, there's no hardships or labour or anything but luxury for the free citizens, and the bonded only have to worry about fulfilling the task(s) they were brought for. The outside world doesn't matter, hard work doesn't matter, personal fulfillment beyond indulgence doesn't matter, everything exist solely in the moment. The people out in Kholusia have pretty much given up, they stay close to the city in the hopes that this time they will be picked, this time they will be saved. They wait and wait and do nothing but wait. The ones who try to live on are dying out or eventually give up and join the rest in waiting.

Ahm Areang, Rak'tika, even Il Mheg are all just waiting for something, anything to happen. They go day to day, surviving simply because it's all they can. Nothing changes.

Until, of course, you should up. You, who causes a ripple of change simply by existing, who can move the immovable by sheer will. You showed them that things can change, that things can, and will happen, if they just try. You show them that they can make things better, that there is an option besides waiting for a slow death, if they'd just grab fate by the neck and tell it "No. We are doing this my way".

And they do. They rally up together and do what they thought impossible. Not all their efforts succeed(not immediately), but they tried. They tried, they failed, and they got up and tried again and again until it did work. They take the chances, not knowing how it'll turn out (because it's not about whether it fails or succeeds, it's about having tried).

They learn how to try, little by little, and every step they learn what it means to really live.

Endwalker is about learning how to love life.

Your enemy is nihilism- the idea that nothing matters, that there is no real joy to be found that isn't snuffed out by misery. A concept that denounces greys in favor of a black-and-white view where black is all encompassing. Everywhere you go, people are doing what they can to survive, but refuses (or maybe are afraid to, or maybe never knew they could) try to actually save themselves. The Forum plans for escape, to leave their homeworld behind and take whatever they can afford. They will live on, but they won't be saved, no one is saved(and even with escape they aren't safe, Despair is everywhere and She will not stop until all has become Nothing).

The Loporrits love Etheirys, but in the way Winter loves Spring. They know about it, they are so close to it, but they are distant. They're strangers, they've never met. It's love, and it's pure and true, but it's also just love. It's surface-level(because the surface is all they had). Their love is pure but it's instinctual. Programmed. They love because they don't know how to not love. They want to save it's people, save us, but they don't know what it really means to save, so they create refuge instead(because that's what She told them to, because this is how love works for them).

The people of Garlemald are terrified, they are victims of extreme indoctrination, the (deserved) push-back their army got proved them "right"(that we are savage beasts to fear, that they are but prey in the maws of rabid dogs). They want to be build-up again, but what's left for them now? The world hates them(and it's all their fault, the ones who see past the propaganda know this, but who will listen to them?) and they are dying. It's so cold and the fuel is running out. They won't accept help, because they've been filled with the idea that there is no such thing as pure kindness from "savages"(and they are too prideful to question it, to break apart from the illusion that they are surperior, because they're terrified to face the truth).

The sky screams, the earth wheeps and the foundation of existence is overtaken by Despair, misery is around every corner and who knows what will happen now? Where do we go? What do we do? We live and live but for what?

What's the point of it all?

That's the question, and the answer is everything. We live because there is joy to be found. Because there is beauty in the world. Because there are stars in the sky. Because flowers bloom in spring. Because cats purr. Because waves crash against the shore. Because of every single little thing we can see, hear or feel. Because we love and are loved. Because there are things to do and discover. Because why not?

And you tell them this, by letting them see that there is more to life than the little they have seen. The Forum has closed it's eyes to anything but it's own kith and kin, everything outside of Old Sharlayan is irrelevant(non-intervention, always non-intervention) and it takes the entire world coming and telling them "We are here. We are alive, and we will make tomorrow happen." for them to realize they have slowly been killing themselves and what they stand for(you pride yourself on knowledge, but where is your wisdom? What do you truly know of things outside your own bubble? You do not know that which is lived because you refuse to aknowledge anything but the written word).

The Loporrits see Etheirys itself, they experience it's corners and valleys and learn what love can really be. They want to save it, truly save it, because they love and this time it's informed, it's personal(I love you, I love you, and I want you to know I love your loves too).

In Garlemald everything is slow, unsteady and complicated, but it's changing. They're changing. With every person who accepts help the illusion of supremacy and "purity" melts away just a bit, and the wall standing between them and us breaks a little(it will never vanish completely, years upon years of oppression and subjugation and conquest don't disappear like that, but it's a start).

Shadobringers is about learning how to live, but Endwalker is about learning how to love life.