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smearsyd · 3 years

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Safe in Your Arms | PCY | Part Two

Lee Seoyun had scars.

Perhaps she had been saved from physical scars, but they were visible enough to her. Thick reminders stood out in her mind that made words like worthless, not good enough, not grateful enough, unloveable, feel like a second skin. She didn’t think she was capable of healing— her parents had told her that she would always be broken, and weren’t your parents the ones who were supposed to know you the best?

So years ago, when Seoyun tragically spilled her hot chocolate all over the front of poor Park Chanyeol’s winter sweater, she was expecting severe backlash— not a forgiving smile and definitely not a new friend. Muchless, Seoyun never in a million years would have imagined that Park Chanyeol would soon be falling in love with someone like her. To be the person who made her, for the first time, feel safe in his arms.

This is Seoyun healed, despite her scars.

characters:

+ park chanyeol (exo), you as lee seoyun (because names are important)

what to expect:

+ christmas + boyfriend!au + fluff and romance

length:

+ 3 parts, bonus drabbles + 25kish in total

warnings:

+ sensitive topics + mentions of traumatic past + smut on part two

read it here: (updating… stay tuned)

+ part one + part two + part three + bonus + masterlist

author’s note:

+ i hope you enjoy it ❄️

if you want to be tagged, please reply to this post!

@bbhmystar @itsmesa

Christmas Eve

Perhaps Seoyun couldn’t explain to anyone exactly why, but she despised being late regardless. To her, being late was like turning all the burners on the stove on to high and walking away; being late is accepting possible disaster.

She didn’t have the mental security to deal with lateness. Even if she was trying.

“Please hurry.” She was pacing again. He looked like he was trying not to drop the soap.

“Seo,” he lightly chuckled like her predicament was somehow endearing, “we won’t be late.”

She glanced at the clock again and wondered if it would eventually wear out from her abundant attention. “We will if you don’t get ready in the next ten minutes and are walking out the door.” She gave him one of those pointed looks, the real distinct one. “Your parents live thirty minutes away and dinner is at six and—” the clock looked like it was glaring at her, but maybe that was her imagination, “— it’s 5:22!”

Chanyeol turned the water off, grabbing the towel that was extended from her hand. His fingers were sinking into his wet locks when she noticed the slight curl to his lips and the growing shine in his chocolate eyes.

She knew what was coming before it even happened, but that didn’t actually stop anything, or rather, it didn’t stop him.

Chanyeol was pouncing on her and landing small kisses all over her head before she could get out that he was going to crush her hair— that didn’t really matter, but at the same time, it did when you couldn't help but worry that people were going to notice and would they ask and what would she say and would they think that she can’t put herself together and what if Chan—

“—Baby?”

Seoyun hadn’t noticed his grip slowly waning and his once playful eyes dulling down to frosted worry. When did everything get so heavy, she thought? When would things change?

His fingers brushed back lines of distress from her forehead and worked what felt like a failed sigh from her lips.

“Sorry,” she breathed out, not wanting to seem like a burden, “I’m fine.”

It wasn’t always easy to tell what he was thinking, but sometimes, like now she would say, she could simply feel it. She could feel it in his calm eyes and that slight head tilt, and the stronghold he has around her as he pulls her against his chest. She could just feel it.

“Tell me what’s wrong, so we can fix it.” He murmured into her hair, his breath soft in the powerful kind of resignation that made it hard not to trust.

“I—” she started, but stopped.

It was hard to explain what was wrong when she didn’t even really understand it herself. Was it that she was worried about being late? Or was it actually something else? She should be thinking more about it and why it impacts her— wait, was that therapy talking? She’s too jumbled to be sure.

“I think it’s just this time of year… it’s not easy for me.” That sounded like a confession.

He hummed, patterns being drawn over her tensed shoulders.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. We can call it a night on the couch, order that good Chinese from down the street. Watch cartoon reruns. I’m easy baby, and whatever makes you happy will make me happy.”

“Easy, huh?” A smirk finds its way onto her face as she involuntarily lands a resonating smack onto what she is now realizing is his bare bottom.

He sucked in his bottom lips with a chuckle, “I set myself up for that one didn’t I?”

“Ugh, huh.”

He didn’t move from around her when he tilted his head, waiting patiently for her real response. “What’s it gonna be, Seoyun?” He was gentle like that.

She couldn’t resist when she tucked her forehead under his chin, just resting there for a second in his embrace.

“Let’s go,” she finalized. “I want to go.”

“Are you sure?”

She was sure, she knew he could tell too. But it was his after thought of wanting to be sure that warmed her up on the inside, that made her fall for him in the first place.

Maybe it was that part of him that she was thankful for the most, the part that just wanted her to be happy.

Simple, really. Yet so hard to find.

“Yeah, Channie, I want to make you happy too.”

…

Seoyun looked down at her heaping plate with an internal sigh. Not only had Mr. Park insisted that she take extra helpings, but Baekhyun had somehow weaseled all of his vegetables onto her plate as well. Almost everyone was done and yet she still had plenty left to go.

Although somewhere deep inside her she knew that there was nothing wrong with that, she couldn't seem to get rid of the feeling that she was committing some terrible crime by possibly making them wait.

She could hear a nagging voice, almost too strongly in her ear, one she had thought she wouldn't hear again. It whispered in words of anxiety and hurt, telling her what she would be able to rationalize as not true if she could just take a breath. The whole morning had been so chaotic and nerve-wracking to Seoyun that she couldn't seem to get a grip when she needed it the most.

Christmas wasn't easy, it was hard to get over the fact that it was a time to spend with family and be thankful for one another. It was even worse when she thought of the fact that not only does she not get to do that now, but that she had been ripped of that right for her whole life.

Seoyun felt herself tensing up, her hands clammy in her lap as she struggled to take a reasoning breath. The claws were setting in again and instead of feeling lost in desperation, she was just left feeling angry. A raw, blood curdling angry. What did she ever do to deserve to feel this way? She never asked to be born into a house where she would never be understood. She didn't want to live a life where she had no control over her emotions and yet, time after time, no matter how strong she gets, a simple plate full of food at a table where everyone else is done is enough to set her over the edge.

It's not fair. It doesn't make any sense. She hates it more than anything else because in the end she knows that the cause of her anguish is only herself.

Those insistent voices telling her that she is a worthless burden are long gone. And even if they were still here, she knows now that it isn't the truth anyway.

But somehow she finds herself like she is now, chest aching, heart racing, tongue twisted, into a hole she isn't sure how she got into in the first place. She doesn't know what's worse anymore, feeling the claws of anxiety or knowing that they are always looming right around the corner.

And then his hand was in her lap and like a sail finally pulled up, the storm wasn’t so capable of knocking her overboard.

She watched through half-lidded eyes as Chanyeol reached over and discreetly exchanged their plates, placing his empty one on her setting and digging into her previous dish. Any other day, and maybe she would have nagged him for being greedy, but as his hand tightened around hers, soothing circles pressing into her palm, she understood.

She felt silly then, maybe even a little ridiculous, but it was hard not to think it when looking around the table. Baekhyun, Chanyeol’s best friend since high school, was talking animatedly about his new teaching job, saying something about how one of his students was basically a piano prodigy, better than me even. And then there was Chanyeol’s parents, their smiles and comments filling the room with a welcomeness that she never got to experience as a child.

The whole atmosphere— it was kind, it was gentle, it was accepting, it was loving. She didn’t have anything to worry about.

Chanyeol’s eyes met hers willingly, though they bore a tinge of worry, and she nodded a sign of ease to say I’m okay now.

Chanyeol leaned over and placed a delicate kiss on the side of her mouth, nuzzling his nose there before retracting his warm touch. Seoyun let out the breath she hadn't realized she had been holding and let him guide her back to shore.

“Seoyun darling,” his mom called, “please tell me you want leftovers, there’s so much left.”

She was right, the food on the table was enormous despite the amount they all ate. Regardless, the comment fell flat against her and she couldn’t help but to smile at the irony.

“Don’t harass my girlfriend,” Chanyeol whined around a mouthful of rice, sending his mother a meaningless glare.

“Girlfriend? Isn’t she more than that by now?” She retorted with a wink in Seoyun’s direction. “I’m expecting grandchildren by next Christmas, you hear me?”

Baekhyun pretended to be grossed out as Chanyeol’s food came spewing from his mouth. Seoyun patted his back, trying to hide her smile.

“Mom, stop.” He groaned.

Chanyeol's mom only chuckled silently before beginning to pick up the mess, including Chanyeol's now discarded plate. Seoyun and Baekhyun stood up to help, taking dishes in and out while carding the leftovers into individual sealed containers to be taken home. Baekhyun, for once, offered to wash the dishes and so Mrs. Park excused herself with a yawn, sending Seoyun a second wink before leaving the room.

Seoyun was just about to go scold Chanyeol for not helping out when she saw his animated silhouette talking with his father on the balcony. They seemed to be in some kind of deep conversation, Chanyeol's hands making wide gestures while his father smiled fondly. The whole exchange made her heart warm, but she did wonder what they could be talking about.

“Ugh, Seo? Anyone in there?” She heard from her left ear, a hand and face popping into view. She shrunk back, peeling her eyes from Chanyeol before sending Baekhyun a look that screamed bro, boundaries.

“You gonna help with these dishes or keep eye fucking Chanyeol from across the room?”

“You may be taller than me, but not by much so I’d watch what I say if I were you.”

He quirked an eyebrow up at her, obviously not threatened at all. “Woah, is this your way of saying that you’re a closet dom, because damn, I could get behind that.”

She reached over and was punching his arm before he could even bask in his own joke. Baekhyun relented with an open mouthed laugh, the one everyone knew him by, and went back to drying the dishes.

“Seriously, though,” he started up again and she glared so quickly he almost dropped the plate, shaking his head at her. “I was about to say thank you. What were you thinking?” He wagged his eyebrows.

She ignored the second half of his statement, “thank you? For what?”

Baekhyun sat the towel down and faced her; his playful demeanor was slowly molding to something more serious, but still soft and sunny like how she imagined him in her head.

“Thanks for taking care of my best friend.”

Seoyun couldn't help herself when she smiled in relief, though she wasn’t sure what she was relieved of. “I’m pretty sure he takes care of me, not the other way around.”

He looked as if he was pondering that for a second before letting a long nah drop from his mouth. “It may seem that way to you, but take you out of the equation and then suddenly there’s nothing left.”

He said it so simply. And yet—

“What do you mean?”

“I mean,” he dragged out, “that he loves you, like a lot.”

She knew that, right? She knows he loves her, but of course, sometimes a reminder is nice.

“Now that, I can’t deny.” Came a voice from behind her. Baekhyun simply smiled that innocent, but not so innocent smile of his and dipped out of the kitchen, leaving her and that voice alone.

“What were you two talking about?” Chanyeol asked, coming into view with a lopsided grin plastered on his face.

“Oh nothing,” she breathed out. “Just about how I haven’t been kissed under the mistletoe yet.”

He hummed, wrapping her in his arms and swaying them softly back and forth. “Well,” he smiled, closer now than ever, “I guess I’ll have to do something about that…”

Yeah, she thought, reminders are nice.

…

Seoyun lets out a loud laugh at Chanyeol's impression of Baekhyun's mortified face during dinner when he saw that the first course was cucumber salad as they enter their home, barely remembering to kick the snow off of their shoes or hang their jackets in the right spot.

Seoyun's heart feels light and happy as she lets Chanyeol lead her upstairs into their room, his hand snug in hers. She realizes that this is a feeling she only seems to be able to experience when she is with him. It feels special, like a treasure they dug up together.

"Thank you for tonight."

He sent her a soft glance as he closed the bedroom door and began to hang his suit jacket. She began fiddling with the buttons on her dress, her gaze down towards the floor. She's never been good with expressing what she means, not with so much constantly running through her train wreck of a mind, but right now she feels like she has to get something off of her chest.

Maybe it was the way Chanyeol had looked at her earlier under the mistletoe, or when he exchanged his plate for hers, but either way, she feels so loved and cared for that it almost hurts. Hurts in the way that she’s expanding, growing, and trying to tell herself that she does deserve it. Chanyeol means everything to her and she is ready for him to know that her love isn't what it once was— that after everything she thinks she is finally accepting that love and giving it back just as equally.

She thinks she knows her worth now, which is saying something.

Comparing how she first felt for him to now would be like setting a candle and a forest fire next to each other, you can't deny either, yet the difference is almost laughable. She wants to be able to tell him that her love is deeper than the first kiss they shared in her stuffy car, the cup of hot chocolate he made when he came home to her shivering under his doorstep as a crying mess, when she spent the night for the first time and he sang her to sleep as she fought off nightmares of screaming parents, when she told him about what really happened to her before she met him.

Each memory shared made her love for him grow deeper and deeper, but something has changed now and she isn't sure if she can contain how she feels any longer. She wants to be with him for a long, long time, she just doesn't know how to express it when they’ve already been together for so long.

“Seoyun?” She hears him call, his voice tender and laced with something so raw that she can’t seem to meet his eyes. “What’s wrong, baby? Why are you crying?”

Seoyun looked up with confused eyes and found Chanyeol's worried ones as he came to her side, his large hand resting on her small cheek. She felt him brush away tears that she didn't know she had shed. She sniffed and let a secretive smile stretch onto her lips.

"I just love you a lot, that's all."

A surprised look fell onto his face and he opened his mouth to respond, but promptly shut it closed again. She knows this is because she rarely ever tells him how she really feels. Partially because she had never said those three words growing up, but also partially because she was afraid. What if her parents were right and she really was unloveable, worthless, not good enough? Would he leave her for someone better and she would have to pick up all of her broken I love you's?

"Say it again." He whispers, the shock now gone from his face and now in place of it were candles flaming to life. Seoyun doesn't mind saying it again because unlike then, she is sure of Chanyeol's love and now she wants him to be sure of hers.

"I love you."

"Again." He persists with a throaty voice, pulling her so close she could only look into his swirling eyes. He rubbed his nose into the skin beside hers, taking in a deep breath that stirred something in her stomach awake.

"I love you so much." She half moaned when his hands trailed slowly down her body, squeezing her in all of the right places to feel his love. The look in his eyes was something stronger now, stronger than the times before, as his lips planted kisses on the side of her open mouth.

She thought then that he must understand.

She felt her hands unbutton his shirt and slip inside to explore his smooth chest. He hanged his head on her shoulder, bringing his lips up to line her neck with fiery kisses.

"Tell me,” he demanded. “Tell me how you love me."

"I love that you always know what I’m thinking, what I need." She gasps out when he sucks on that spot on her neck. "I love that you stay up late just to make sure I don’t have to fall asleep alone. I love that you always tell me you missed me even when I’ve only been gone a few minutes." Chanyeol urges her to continue, his hand coming under the hem of her dress and playing with the waistband of her underwear, making her mouth go dry as she tries to speak.

"I love how you will pretend not to know me in public if I accidentally burp even if you had just done it too.” He pinched her where it counted, a half chuckle falling from his open mouth. “I love how you touch me so softly and carefully like you want me to know just how precious you think I am."

She could feel Chanyeol's fast heart beat as she palms his chest. His breaths have gotten quicker and he was letting out deep groans that were doing something dangerous to her as he moved against her.

"Tell me I'm the only man you'll ever love." He gets out into her skin, nipping lightly at her ear with a sense of desperation as his hands roam greedily around her body. "Tell me that you're happy here in my arms, that you won't ever leave me."

She’s not afraid anymore. She wants all of it.

"Tell me baby, I need to know." He whispers again.

The words catch in her throat as waves of what reads as desperation and an aching need swirls within his aflamed eyes. She can’t bare it any longer.

And then Seoyun was reaching up and smashing their lips together. She wasn't sure what came over her, but it seemed inevitable in the moment that they would kiss.

Chanyeol stood motionless, shocked by her actions, before easily giving in. A deep groan escaped his mouth that she felt down in her stomach as he moved his lips in sync with hers, putting his hand softly on the back of her head to deepen the kiss. He desperately clutched her to him as he traced his lips around hers, as if rediscovering her all over again.

Seoyun has always loved his hair and now that she could run her fingers through it anytime she wished, she buried her hands into it, twirling the locks around her nimble digits. There was no more space between them, but she wanted to be closer, close enough to feel like they were one.

Chanyeol seemed to understand her want, or really, her need. She pulled at his unbuttoned shirt, sliding it off of his shoulders and running her hands hotly over his milky skin. He latched his mouth on the base of her collar, his favorite spot, as his large hands ran up the side of her thighs and settled on her midriff with one gruff word, off.

Seoyun's mind was reeling with desire as she reached down to tug the dress off of her body, not caring any longer if it ended up crumbled or not. Her bones felt like they were breaking from relief as she fell back onto the bed, arms open for him as he followed.

Chanyeol was flush against her, all barriers between them vanishing, her body shivering in want for him. Her ankles became locked behind his, his mouth planting soft, lingering kisses on her exposed torso. His breath warm as it traced all of her skin as if trying to implant her whole self in his mind forever.

"Tell me," he whispered against her lips as he inhaled her greedily. "Tell me what I want to hear and then let me show you how much it means to me."

Seoyun felt over the edge already, her stomach tight in a knot, but his words were close to pushing her over. She wanted him almost more than anything, but she didn't want him to show her, she wanted to be the one showing him.

"You know I love you," she moaned into his rough cheek. "Without you," she confessed. "I don't make any sense."

Her hands ran along his arms and she swore she would leave bruises on his skin. He felt strong, though, and steady above her as he pushed into her like a wave crashing into the ocean.

"You're mine.”

"Always," came his immediate response, his voice like smooth honey as he kissed the back of her hand and fell into her once more.

Seoyun felt like her chest was ripping apart, she loved him so much. Fire was raging up and down her body as she tried to file each gesture into her memory. His hands gentle against her bare legs, the undoing gasp he made into her shoulder from her confession, the way they lost themselves into one another— she would remember it all for a long time.

Seoyun swore she would never forget, for the rest of her life, this moment. The way he called her name like every other word had been lost and the final kiss they shared before he collapsed into her arms, tired but full of one another. He kissed the crown of her damp forehead and she realized that he was home, and always would be. He was big enough to shield her from the nightmares of her past and she was finally enough, more than enough, for someone else.

"You promise?" He asked one last time, his voice soft and fragile-like.

"I promise."

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#smearsyd writes #exowritersnet #exosnet #exo #chanyeol scenario #chanyeol fanfic #park chanyeol #chanyeol x reader #exo fluff #exo romance #exo series #exo chanyeol #fanfiction #My writing

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charmed-asylum · 4 years

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👨‍🍳#𝓕𝓞𝓞𝓓𝓲𝓔👨‍🍳

Summary: Something happening in Easter Hills. Something that effecting everyone under the surface. Could this just be a phase a trick that no one can shack off? Is this something that will pass with another or can we all be heading for destruction

Declaimer: #Foodie has some curse words, blood,cat fight, mentions of bullying and eating disorder. Also, I do have dyslexia who happens to do her own proof reading so be easy with me!!!

A/N: This chapter is a filler before things start to go to shit in the next one. Let me know what you think or want to be added to the tag list. xoxo Tia

MASTER LIST // Previous CHAPTER 2

Tagged: @weapinggwillowss @kittykatlow @alagalaska @deansblackbeauty

The journey to school was a blur. I don’t know how or by what grace of god but I made it come Monday. It has been one hell of a week but that be an understatement. In reality, it wasn’t just this week it was these last month or so. I tap my number two pencil a few times against the desk waiting for my name to be called. Ms. King was an older lady full proud of the fact she been teaching since 1968. While it was an achievement to the only thing she to show was 13 cats waiting for her at home. The simple 10 minutes routine took her much longer and left us 20 minutes to cramp everything in. Today this lovely dry hot day was pushing 22 minutes. Taking a deep breath I look away from the heart diagram and look up to see what was taking so long. Class of normally 27 students was a minor fraction of 18 if that. I would think nothing of it but as I chew on the nasty no taste but death eraser it hit me. It was the same thing for all my other class different students were missing, I heard principal Ratchet mention the flu or mono. Just did not feel right.

Eraser still hanging from my mouth as I think of that day. Mind rush back to sitting in the back of the ambulance. Flashing blue and red light blur my vision only clear thing was KP looking like a superhero. His huge rough hands play in his hair as he let a huge breath out from his chiseled chest. Eyes darting back from the black bag and the sheriff. I was gonna speak but KP knows what is best and having me talk wasn’t it. Men stuck in his ways talking to the freak was never useful. The only words that came from his mouth addressed to me were,” Second time in a month you got something going on with you and these damn woods. You doing some witchcraft or something. Weird girl”. I chuckled under my breath at the joke he was. But he was right two times in a month this time I’m alone. No parents no reassurance. Blood mix with the dirt covers most of my clothes. KP didn’t mention much just that we saw the body out of nowhere. Not that it was still alive barley but alive not that it said anything just that it was dead when he checked. The next thing I remember was me in the bathtub still in my clothes as he cleans me off. Water was mix with soap water and dirt. I practically begged him to stay not to leave with tears rolling down my cheeks eyes red with fear and pain. With a kiss on the crown of my head, he promises me before carrying me to bed. We lay snuggled together his hands holding me tightly his hands and mine laying close to my heart. By the time the rosters call to wake up the night creatures, he was gone.

Bell took me out of my mind back into reality. Slowly grabbing my thing I rush out to my locker to see if Janet picks up the note I left. Peaking over my shoulder I shield myself as I put in her combo. With a tap it open with the note still there. SHIT JANET. Besides the creepy 3 words messages, I haven’t heard from her. Just had to focus today thing on Janet.

Corner of my eye I could see few people going towards the cafeteria. I swing my bag over my shoulder and ran off to the cafeteria. Even though my lunch period was for another two periods. Pushing through the sea of people looking for her. Crazy how classrooms were getting more and more empty but the cafeteria was getting more and more crowded. Pushing people who were waiting on the growing line to get food I look around for Janet. She has been having lunch during this period and her regular one with me for a month. Turning shoulders calling she was nowhere. FUCK.

My fresh white polish nails comb through my hair as I tried to remain calm. Closing my eyes I pray to the lords for help a sign. Anything to prove I’m not losing it once again. As I started to relax I could hear a noise a voice. Looking up I thank god before following the voice. Now before I explain to you what saw a person should know in this school I’m a freak I’m okay with it, I accept it, I celebrate my flawless in the eye of my peers. One of many things is my strict unorthodox eating habits. I have been called every word in every dictionary. Something I never wanna contribute to, Tiffany though is a 500 calories a day type of girl. Once someone gave her a regular coke and she beat the poor freshman right to ER. She screams Malibu Barbie with matching purse. Flawless. She Janet’s level flawless just with an eating disorder. This Tiffany if it wasn’t for the 5,000 purses and that annoying voice, this girl looks nothing like her. First, it was the fact all my years of knowing her she only wears a crop top and thong poking out now in size large sweater with purple unicorns and leggings, that she probably got from the local theft shop in town. I almost piss myself. Then was her plate. The fact she had a plate was a shocker. She had two things of chili fries, a sloppy Joe, and three pudding cups. Sipping from a BIG BOY slushie from the gas station down the road. Unknown to me I was currently in front of her table mouth open till one of her minions toss a fry at me.

“ Tiffany. Hey huh, Tiff” I said still unsure.

If I was shocked before when she turned to me made me beyond doubt stun. She had a ton of acne and her face look a bit puffy from her skeleton skin-tight face not so long ago.

“ What do you want? “ One of her minions ask as she was chewing on some sour union flavor chips.

“ Have you seen. Janet today? We got a project due tomorrow and I can’t find her” I said spit balling as went on.

They look at each other and giggle. Tiffany looks at the other and like that her mood change she sat up a bit more and turn to fully look at me. With her stain shirt and food on the corner of her mouth. She looks at me with hungry in her eyes with a quick lick around her smug lipstick lips grind at me.

“ Actually no we haven’t but we were gonna look for her. Hey, you got any Trippie on you” Tiffany said with joy and lust in those hazel eyes.

Step back and put a hand to my hip. I look at her as she waited for my answer. This gosh darn drug again. The reason why I and Janet been at odds, to begin with.

“ No. I don’t take that stuff. Tried Popi. She the one who had it in the 1st place. You haven’t seen her she usually here with you during lunch” I pressed. Look of doubt of cross all four girls face. Who was spotting a similar appearance to their leader?

“ Come on. Smith your join to the fuckin hip. You must know where we can find her or some of the drugs. We ran out quicker then we wanted to. Takes longer to get it up. Help us. We do anything. Tell Janet we are willing to do anything “ Zoe said grabbing tight to my wrist. Her grip was airtight that I felt the pressure. Almost like how it was with Janet that last time. Same look in the eyes too.

Pulling away from her grip with all my might I stumble back. I look at the girls as their expressions started to change to a dead zone look in their eyes. Like they were on something. My mouth became dry my brain ache from thoughts that were running through my head. My eyes darted from one to another to another.

“ Lik-”

Tiffany ignore me and started to laugh after taking a few more bites of her sandwich. Drops of it left on her shirt one just by the corner of her mouth.

“ She not gonna tell us. She wants it all to her self. It’s fine we figure it out we are not selfish people” Tiffany said laughing between each chew. I clench my jaw till I felt something swooshing in my mouth a bitter taste.

“ Like I said. I don’t take that stuff. I care what goes in my body and I don’t trust it” I said before turning to leave. I got a few steps in before I heard more laughter. I stop and chuckle to myself what was so funny. Sound like she was mumbling something. “Excuse me” I said turning back around.

“ You know what. Why did I even ask you? Face it. Without that candy eye boy toy or your American pie girlfriend you nothing but a fuckin virgin who can even drive. Your nothing only thing you were made to do was to worship and praise others. Look at you Janet doesn’t give you any attention finally realize what dead weight you are and left you. I bet it hurts knowing that you are nothing. EVERYONE LEAVES YOU. But you are one thing. Very good at if I may say. Being a pathetic bitch. Roof roof” Tiffany said with a smile on her face and a wheeze of a laugh. I hated her I know I should not but I did. Hated that she was mostly right I hate that I let this get to me and most of all I hated I was entertaining it. It was too late I felt the tears in my eyes. So I did the only thing left to do and that was to mirror her. Show who she was I am good at pretending so much so I don’t know if my mind grew up with my body.

“ Funny you say that. Because the only thing I see is a bunch of mystery meat slops of shit. Yeah, you almost was right but you forgot about one thing. Tiffany, I’m not someone bitch I am the mother fucking animal control. I round up all those rodents pest and I put them down. Don’t test me, ugly soul. Because next time I put you down maybe just maybe finally allow your groupies some air to think for once” I said got closer to her till I was nose to nose.

Taking my thumb I gently clean her of the sloppy Joe that settles on the corner of her mouth before rubbing it on her shoulder. A smile with victory as she remains silent from my death stare. Lips cover in raspberry flavor organic lip-gloss roll off a bit from my tongue as I move it across. Stepping back I flip up my middle finger high in the air and turn around probably too quick because next thing I know something pulls me close and punches me square in the face knocking me slow motion down to the ground. Light flicker a bit before with rainbows and glitter before it all fades to black.

Drips of water fell down my forehead. The buzzing was the first thing that caught my attention, the buzz from a circle ceiling light with a cool white tent. Buzz hypnotize me Mumbling back noise stop but my eyes remained on a poor dead fly t stuck in the filter.

" Oh, Ms. Smith you awake. That was a nasty fall. I will be back in a second" Nurse Jane called out.

The nurse’s office like this fly in a black hole stuck in the 1950s with a wall of fame for Nurse Jane prize dog. Yup, Mr. Fuzzy Bear. Elvis Presley played in the background. I look at the wall Mr. Fuzzy Bear look completely different then dog I saw a few weeks ago. Tap on the shoulder shocks me to the core as I scream out and throw the now baggie of water into the floor by my converse. Hands shake with fear my breathing getting shorter as I hold onto the wall of trophies. Trying and failing to catch my breath. Another tap sent me to the floor crawling to the corner covering my ears and tried to control my breathing.

" Oh, I'm sorry. Ms. Smith. I was seeing if you were okay. Sit here let me get you some water" Nurse Jane said. I could smell whiskey on her breath as she spoke to me. Mix with the cheap drug store perfume they sale but no one brought due to the reaction most got.

Looking up I watch as she walks off. She had far to much hair spray that perfect her scoop with a white daisy in her hair and the white long sleeve white nurse uniform. My eyes went back to the daisy I study flowers out of boredom and that one something was off. Slowly getting to my feet I follow her to the front till I stop and see the puddle I felt. CRAB CAKES I said to myself as I got on my knees to clean up my mess.

“ That’s a new daisy huh Mrs. Cruise. Might need to clip a few and add it to the garden” I said

“ Oh, this little old thing. My little boy was playing out in the fields and found some. Next to this strange patch of grass. Probably weed. Anyway, it was the prettiest thing I have seen had to cut one of myself. But don’t let your self eat it. My poor baby eats some and well that how he ends up going to see you” She said handing out a can for the trash.

“ How is little guy anyway. Not eating any more chocolate or flowers I hope” I asked dusting off my rip denim jeans.

She looks at me strange her head tilt to the side hair staying in place. A huge grind plaster on that clown-like makeup face.

“ Smith. My baby has been with you all this week. I took my little fuzzy home and he started to act like he was from the wild. Brought him back so the good lord of a doctor can make him all better” Jane said.

I wanted to laugh because last I check he wasn’t there. Words stayed at top of my tongue. My eyes dart to her and the wall of trophies back to her.

“ Oh yeah. Ethan got hurt had to get someone over from next town over. Sure he is back to the cute button he always is in no time. If I may ask because well new doc might make a fuss where was this planet at” I asked.

“ Well, I was on my daily work out power walk so mmmm somewhere by the old wooden bridge in Lovers. Such a pretty sight” Jane said. Before I can speak the phone rang. I slipped out as she turns to answer it.

I look in my hand was the white tissue with the daisy I snatch off of her. Something was off. Maybe if Janet didn’t want to tell me I figure it out myself. Something was wrong and I attend to figure it out one way or another. The first stop was to work.

Most don’t know because my family likes to keep it hush back before Ethan came into town my dad family own Easter Hills Animal Hospital for over 60 years. Still does as a private owner. Ethan was like the fun aunt and each time I had nowhere to go she would sit me on the desk and teach me things. The first animal I cut open was a raccoon at the age of 7 with Ethan of course helping me every step of the way.

Lights in the hallway were dim fluorescent lights. With my phone in my hand, I tap on the flashlight and slowly walk into the back. Maybe I can check a few of the animals and the daisy I snatch to see if anything was similar. BING BING I glance down to my notifications to see a text from KP. Asking me if I am okay. I cared about him but there was too much at state. I need to know. Call it a hunch.

It smells like trash and cleaning supplies for some reason. Like the hardcore, stuff police use to clean a crime scene. I should know each night I clean the operation rooms and front area. The stuff we use was the general store brand. And it smells and looks too perfect. The new vet hasn’t arrived yet, so who did this? The keys dangle from my left hand hitting me as I walk down to the back where the files would be at. I just had to check to see if the dog was still here. As I got close something wasn’t right. There was a brand new lock on the door. I was here not so long ago this heavy-duty lock wasn’t here. Clipping the keys to my hip I glance around before I tried to jiggle at the lock. No luck. Looking around I tried to think on my feet. Shit. Lending against the wall I see a light on in Ethan office. Alright, that can work. Pocketing my phone in my back pocket. I sneak into her office.

The walls were cover in wine red wallpaper with cherry dark chocolate wood floors. Her office looks nothing like the one you would assume a veterinarian office would look like. Everything from the desk to the chairs was expensive something Ethan insisted. There was a black bookshelf that lay against the wall with matching black gold nods desk. Chairs that were a whopping 2,000 each sat perfectly insight. Awards plastered on another wall with pictures of her many accomplishments. She looks print-ready perfect. Along with all her pictures was one in the corner row of her with my parents when I was younger. I remember that day like it was yesterday. The first day she started almost 10 years ago. She had a short boy cut with dyed blonde hair that made her features pop. I didn’t know much about beauty but she and my mother are what I imagine. Most look at Mona Lisa or Marvel statue for reference me I had two prime examples just for myself to see each day. Kinda like what I felt when I saw KP for 1st time 6 years ago. For so many years I was lost in the woods unable in away to find my way home. At first, it was Ethan and Janet who hold me close then shortly KP.

A loud bing drum though my ears. Clinching onto my ears I start to breathe again. Calming myself before I slip again. I had to focus. My eyes gaze to the computer. Ethan was many things but OCD was one. She always had copies full of details. I couldn’t get into the back room but maybe this could work. I rush over almost knocking over a picture of Ethan's two older daughters to the desk. Shaking the mouse I wait till the computer comes alive. My left hand cradling my face biting my thumbnail. Taste is nail polish with taste funny but I chew and spit it out without thought. CRAP. Password. Taking my hand away I tap the keyboard. It could be an endless list of it could be one. Sitting back in the plush comfy desk chair lean back and rock back and forth. Great way to putting all those AP and college courses to good use I thought to myself. Tapping my sneakers against the wood floor I loosen my messy bun and run my fingers through my hair. My ring KP gave me tangle through my hair. I stop thinking and reach to type something in quickly. WINE. Nope, crap. Pulling out the draws I look around for something. A hint clue maybe like many older people password somewhere.

While her office was perfect these draws were nothing like it may be the OCD part was probably the wrong word. It had five draws: 1st had simple office supplies and a pill bottle of viagra, 2nd had appointment book and business card old open bag of photo chips, 3rd had a prepaid phone, key to the safe, and thing of condoms. 4th one had a bottle of cheap whiskey, two glasses, and a few files full of pictures and post it’s. The draw in the center didn’t budge. Feeling around the smooth polish surface I felt something off. Stretching down a bit more I felt it. A huge grin spread across my face as I grab and quickly tried to open the back door with it. Still, it did not budge. Running back I did not see the front door was wide open letting in a cool breeze. Driven by excited I tried for the desk draw and heard a click. Opening it. I saw a phone book and a journal and right on the front corner in a bright pink post-it was the password: 2HOT4THISISH.

My laughter was cut short when I heard heavy foot shuffling outside the crack door. I pause and tried to figure my next move. With my eyes on the door, I quickly shove the papers from the files in my bag. The journal replacing it with a book another that was on the table and putting everything back to what it was. Before I could slip out the door open with a loud creak sound. Panic took over and I quickly bundled tight under the desk with my legs squeeze tight to my chest a gentle rock not make a sound. I could hear wheezing. My eyes were full of tears as I tried not to panic. Who could it be? My eyes drift off to the side and I could see a pair of Black Jimmy Choo nearly 3 feet from my hand. I quickly move it and watch the shoes. It was there for another 10 maybe 15 minutes before I heard a rattle of keys and shoes walk away. Towards the end hallway I heard some more noise but this time it was from the back door I tried to open earlier. Whoever it was the person did whatever to the lock.

I jolt awake from the sound of my phone going off. I glanced down to see it was KP. And it was going at 11 o’clock. Fudge I slowly got up from the floor and sat in the chair.

“ Hey baby I’m so sorry I got lost in my work and fell asleep” I said rubbing my eyes.

I could hear a deep breath in and I could imagine he was rubbing his forehead with a thick strong finger.

“ Sweetie. You had me worried. I had to hear from someone else you got in a fight with that toothpick girl. Tiffany something. Why didn’t you call me” he asked with a bit ignored.

I look around at the office and back at the computer it was still on. I rest the phone in the crook of my neck and type in the password.

“ I know I didn’t want you to worry. I’m sorry. I should have told you. Do you wanna snuggle tonight Phillip. We can snuggle and I can give you kitty licks or something” I said trying to get him to lighten up. The home screen came up. There was normal stuff internet, virus protection filed, a few others. As I waited I click on to each and look to see what I can find.

“ Oh really. You know I love your kitty licks Issac. I gotta stay in late today probably till about 2 in the morning. But I can still come over. For some snuggle, if the offer still open” KP tease.

My smile drops when I saw something I didn’t mean to click. It had pictures and pdf of things I never have seen before. I hold the clicker to print everything out.

“ Of course. You know where the key is. Just bring some milk if you come. Mr. Cereal cruncher uses the last bit the other day” I said with a giggle.

“ Will do. Sorry I been distant. Perks of small ass town are not many folks to call if there a crisis. I never get how a town of 203 people can have a police unit of 12 people which includes the old man club who just sleeps in the police car. One day this mentality gonna bit them in the ass baby. Baby are you still there” KP asked.

I wasn’t listening but instead reading what I found. It was my reports I send for. For the drug, dog, and something unknown. I glance at the date and it was of a few days ago. Each had this strange code at the end of each page.

“ I’m sorry about that honey. You know this town stuck in time. I know things are hectic with you. I wish I could make it perfect like the way you are. But I can only be your snuggle bunny and talk to you and be here for you” I said packing my bag and looking some more.

“ That’s all I ask for baby. My beautiful snuggle bunny. God your -“ KP stop talking and shot out to someone. “ Huh. I gotta go another fuck up animal. Just pop up by lover lane” KP said disappointed.

“ It’s okay. Hey, hasn’t it been a lot of that lately? We don’t get those anymore. You cheating on me with another animal lover” I teased. It was silent only I could hear was a deep breath from the other line.

“ I am joking. I’m gonna be wearing your favorite plaid shirt to sleep. I love you. Stay safe for me please” I said in a mouse-like whisper.

I need this stuff. Looking in my bag I pull out my key chain for my USB drive. I looked around before plugin it in and copying all the files. As it got to 100% I quickly unplugged it and fix everything to was before I came. My bike was a half-mile away hiding behind trees and some branches. Midnight sky dance high. Times like this I would stop and lay on the road and look up now I’m filled with this void. This feeling was creeping from the corner of my eyesight. Feeling of claws pulling at your flesh. Ahead I could see some birds flying south. A huge flock like it was on my date. They always know I wish I could just have left with KP and not look back. Even with that would I be escaping the danger or welcoming another.

I sat Indian style on the floor with a pencil in my bun and a yellow highlighter in my mouth. Looking over the papers and files scattered across. The more I read more I could tell something wasn’t right.

“ Baby why are you up ?” a voice said for behind me. I jump up almost choking on the highlighter falling in the papers behind me.

KP stood tall with his sleeve rolled up to show his god-like muscle hairstyle slick back looking like a Ken doll.

“ Sorry homework” I said looking up to him. He chuckled and bend down on one knee to get a better look at me. He took my hand and slowly help me up in. I could smell the coffee from his breath mix with some gum. He smokes even though I told him how much I hated it. More he smokes a brand that not even available anymore. Which made me madder at the money he spent.

“ You know you keep it up with the donuts and cigarettes your not gonna be able to promise me that forever. Mister” I said with a bent brow at him.

With a finger, he played with my hair a bit before meeting my eyes. Sweet sparkle that makes anyone weak to the knees and a smile to match. Coming closer he kisses me with such hunger. I reach for the back of his neck to help me out as I deepen the kiss. Til I taste the cigarette and stop.

“ No kisses till you brush your teeth. Yucky “ I giggle in his neck. My hands still playing with his neck hair. His hands move further down my back till it reaches my rear.

“ But I’m sleepy. I don’t wanna. You said you are my snuggle bunny” He said with his puppy eyes. I hit his rock hard chest playfully before pushing myself backs away from him laying on top of the papers so he couldn't see it.

“ And we will when you brush your teeth. Or you can quite” I said with a fake shock face.

He laughs and walks to the bathroom join to my bedroom. I turn to watch as he walks off. God his butt was a thing of beauty.

“ What type of work are you doing “ He asked from the bathroom.

I slowly got up when I heard the water and quickly move all the papers and shove them in my bag.

“ Research paper for history. You know how Mr. Burns is a pain in my buttocks “ I said checking around for anything else.

KP wall out with a mouth full of mouthwash gave me his serious look. I walk over to a bin under my bed full of some clothes for him and toss him over some sweatpants. Getting under my blankets I waited for him to come out. My cell started to ring from my bedside table. Reaching for it I answered it and walk out to the hallway.

“ Janet is that you. God, I have been worried” I whisper into the phone. Nothing.

“ I forgot you quite. Tiffany came at me looking for you. Be proud I told her off” I laughed. Still nothing.

“ If you are in trouble I can help. And hey if it’s something legal then fuck it. You are my friend I can talk to KP. He here..hello” the phone click and I heard a dial tone.

“ Who was that” KP asked standing in the doorway arms cross over each other.

“ Janet. She has been calling and saying nothing. I’m worried “ I said looking up to him. He pushes himself off and wrap his arms around me and squeeze me tight. Tears fell onto his bare chest.

Master of Puppets began to blur though the tiny radio. Fiddling around I press onto the snooze buttons. KP was still sound asleep with his arms wrap around my small of my abdomen. Head in the crook of my neck snoring. I glance back and kiss his forehead smiling. The clock read blink 6:03. Taking his hand I slowly ease myself out of the embrace and out of bed. He snuggled into my pillow and started to snore once more. Flipping my alarm off grab my outfit I had plan night before and headed into the bathroom.

It still early so I decide to open the windows to let some fresh air in. After a few minutes, I hop in. I scrub some shampoo in my hair and hum this morning song to myself. I reach back and let the water hit my face run down to the rest of my body. Taking the dirt and worried away. A cheep cheep stops me as I tried to figure out what it was taking out last bit of conditioner. I felt something coming around me then more cheep cheep. I wipe my eyes to my surprise I saw a bird no five maybe more in the shower with me. I tried to move but more I did more they attack me two in my hair other hitting me with its wings. My breathing started to fall short as panic set it. I tried not to scream thinking to all the safety videos I would watch growing up but it didn’t work. I tried pushing away shooing them but still nothing. The anxiety got so bad that after trying to hold it in I scream. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. They kept attacking me this time pecking me over and over. Taking my hands I tried to push then away. Still, they came after me. I grab for the shower curtain tight trying to find some escape. AHHHHHHHHHHHHELP. With one last scream, the curtain I was holding onto with my dear life suddenly gave. Suddenly everything faded to black. The only thing I could hear was the birds still chirping.

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thecleverdame · 5 years

Text

Control and Release - 20

Series Masterlist

TEDTalk!Sam x Reader

Summary: With the rest of the staff caught in a snowstorm, you find yourself acting as a personal assistant to the notorious Sam Winchester.

Warnings: Dom/Sub, humiliation, embarrassment, sexual objectification, mutual masturbation, spanking, cum play, fingering, anal play, orgasm control, nipple clamps, dub-con, breath play.

Beta: @ilikaicalie

Words: 4k

Parts 21, 22, 23 & 24 are currently available on Patreon for a monthly pledge of $2.50. This includes early access to all my stories, including the ABO series Gods of Twilight and Patreon exclusive content. >> CLICK HERE <<

“Holy shit,” you mutter, staring at your black and blue ass in the mirror. These marks aren’t faint or small. Your backside is covered with thick, deep blue welts from his belt. You woke up on your stomach, only to wince in pain once you rolled over. Then you sat up and nearly yelped at the ache. But now as you stand naked in the bathroom you can’t help but smile, twisting around to get a better look. While you’re going to have a hard time sitting down, it’s a thrilling reminder of last night. A reminder of something new and this connection that’s growing between you and Sam.

Your phone rings and you glance at the number, sighing before answering.

“Hey, mom-”

“Don’t you ‘hey mom’ me. You said you’d call me back and I haven’t heard a peep in forty-eight hours. I’ve been calling and calling.”

“The FBI took my phone. This one came by courier this morning, honestly, I just turned it on like ten minutes ago.”

“Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

“Of course not,” you roll your eyes, glancing at your butt one last time. “A lot’s happened in the last twenty-four hours.”

“Do you want to come home? You can move home with your dad and I. We haven't touched your room.”

“I’m not moving back to Albuquerque. I’m okay, really.”

“And what? You’re headed to Chicago all by your lonesome after what happened? That’s not a good idea.”

“No, I’m staying here in Boston. Things have changed.”

“I’ll come there, then. I was looking at flights this morning. Your father and I can be there by this afternoon.”

“Mom, seriously, I’m fine,” you suppress the urge to get riled up. She loves you, but sometimes it’s too much. Slipping into the closet you find your tiny section of clothes amid Sam’s vast wardrobe.

“Don’t be ridiculous, of course you’re not fine,” she fires back. “Who would be alright after something like that? I’m coming there to take care of you.”

“No, mom, just stop and listen to me. I’m a little shook but honestly, I’m doing good. I’m seeing a therapist. I’m going to be late for my appointment if I don’t hurry up and get dressed.”

“No one should have to go through this alone, sweetheart.”

“I told you, I’m not alone.” You stop to look at the empty bed, Sam was up and out the door before the sun came up. “I’ve got people here. Just please, stop worrying about me so much. I’ll call every day, I promise.”

“I don’t like this. You said you were moving because there was nothing left for you in that God awful city and now you’re staying?”

“Things just...changed. I’ve got positive things here, but it’s hard to talk about it. I feel like shit for talking about anything good that’s in my life when people were just killed. I need time to process everything.”

“Who’s going to make sure you eat? Your appetite is always the first thing to go when you’re stressed. Are you in a hotel? Where are you staying?”

“I’m with a friend until I get my living situation figured out.”

“Thank God, hotels are so impersonal. With those tiny soaps and the coffee is never good. You need a home.”

“Look, I have to go. I’m going to call you later, okay?”

“Alright, I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

As you hang up you walk to the small dresser at the back of the closet and open the top drawer. The two photos that used to be on display are now tucked out of sight You take out the one of him in college. He’s so happy and in love, it’s hard to imagine your Sam is this same person.

If nothing else it’s a reminder of the fact that people are capable of great change.

Walking down the hallways of the hospital you glance down at the paper in your hand with a room number written on it. Pausing at room 7059 you confirm the name scribbled on the dry erase board and knock.

“Come in,” calls out a male voice.

“Hi.” You shuffle inside, leaning around the curtains pulled in a half-circle around his bed. “I’m sorry if I’m bothering you.”

“You’re the last face I expected to see,” Tim laughs and then coughs, grimacing in pain. “But you’re not bothering me. I’m bored out of my mind.”

“Are you sure? I can come back later…” you’re already backing out of the room as he leans forward, wincing in pain.

“Please, just sit down. I’d like the company.”

You step around his bed, sitting in the plastic chair pulled up beside it. Your eyes flutter closed as your ass throbs.

“Oh, I brought you something,” you remember, reaching into your bag and pulling out a copy of The Reckoning by John Grisham. “It was this or Danielle Steel. The gift shop didn’t have a lot of options. I don’t even know if you like to read.” It’s at that moment you spot a Kindle lying beside him on the bed. “Or if you already have an e-reader with access to any book you want.”

“This thing is my mom’s, it’s full of Agatha Christie novels and I don’t have her password to buy anything else.” He holds up the Kindle. “I do like to read and I prefer books. Thank you for bringing me something other than flowers.”

He gestures around the room.

“Wow,” you look at the dozen or so bouquets and potted plants. “I guess people go with what they know.”

“I guess,” he nods, smiling at you. “I’m glad you’re alright,”

“Thanks. I’m glad you’re alright too.” You shift in the chair. “That’s why I’m here. I don’t think I would be alive if it weren’t for you.”

“Eh,” he grumbles, looking away. “I’m not the hero in this story. Winchester is the one who took him out.”

“True, but you distracted him. People were running and you stepped forward, put your arms out in front of us.”

“That was nothing. Just instincts.”

You shrug. “Instincts that bought the rest of us a few seconds. Sam got there just in time, but if you hadn’t tried to help us, I don’t think it would have ended the same way for me. Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome.” He nods, clearing his throat. “I heard Callie, the redhead who did the corporate travel arrangements...she died this morning in surgery.”

“Yeah,” you confirm, feeling the sadness swell into your throat. “Max died last night. They thought he might make it, but he didn’t.”

The death toll kept rising. It turns out Brent used a particularly nasty bullet designed to do the maximum amount of damage. A lot of the people who survived the initial attack are struggling with serious complications.

“Shit.” Tim sits back against the pillow. You’re both silent as the murmur of the TV rambles in the background. “I’m starting to think I must be lucky. This is actually the third time I’ve taken a bullet. I’m three for three.”

“I heard that. You never know what’s rumor and what’s not but people said that’s why you left the service.”

“That was the second time. But the better story is the first time. I was just a kid. My brother accidentally shot me with my dad’s .22. He was grounded for a year and I got all the chocolate ice cream I could eat. Hell, I still do. My mom brought me some this morning.”

“Maybe you are lucky,” you laugh, checking your cell phone.

Two messages are scrawled across the screen.

Sam: Meet me for lunch.

Sam: Parish Cafe at 1:30

“Someone important?” Tim grins.

“Important and demanding,” you chuckle, responding see you there and put the phone away. “Look I know I don’t know you and I don’t want to make this weird, but if you’re feeling up to it do you think we could get together next week?”

His eyebrows shoot up and you backtrack, shaking your head in embarrassment.

“I didn’t mean...I...God, I’m bad at this. I’m seeing a therapist, and yesterday she suggested that I reach out and try to connect with some of the people who were there when it happened. I was kinda hoping Millie would join us, maybe Lexi - God bless her.”

Tim laughs out loud at that, nodding in agreement.

“Sure, I didn’t have much of a social life before all this and I’m guessing I’ll be a captive audience for some time.”

“Awesome.”

“I thought you were moving? Seems like this would be the perfect opportunity to get the fuck out of dodge.”

You stare at him, a million thoughts merging all at once.

“Things changed.”

“Important and demanding things?” he questions and you can’t help the blush that creeps into your cheeks.

“Yes,” you whisper, getting up. “So, I guess I’ll see you next week then.”

“Just let me know.” He gives you a little salute.

Sam’s seated in the back of the dark little restaurant, reading on his iPad when you join him.

“Sorry I’m late,” you slip into the chair across from him, biting your lip as the sting of the bruises take your breath away. “I don’t think my Uber driver has lived here very long.”

“I could have sent a car for you.” He finishes what he’s reading before looking up. A flicker moves from his eyes to his mouth, just a ghost of a smile. “I like that dress.”

You look down at the black and white gingham summer dress you bought yesterday. “Thanks, it’s new.”

“I don’t normally see you this casual.”

“I guess that’s true,” you grin at him. He looks handsome today. Sam always looks good, but there’s something about when he doesn’t wear a tie and lets the top buttons of his shirt lay open that you just love. “You like it huh?”

“Very much,” he confirms. He carefully places his tablet and his phone screen down on the table. It’s something new he’s started doing when he intends on giving you his full attention.

“So,” you take the cloth napkin, folding it over your lap. “This was unexpected. I thought you’d be too busy.”

“Not for you,” he responds succinctly and you feel your heart speed up.

This is Sam trying.

“You keep saying things like that and we might need to get a room after lunch,” you laugh, then realize how much easier this feels, more natural than before. You worried it would be hard to relax around him, but that’s not the case.

“That could be an interesting prospect,” he trails his finger around the edge of his water glass, lost somewhere between amusement and arousal. “Not today, but another time.”

“I’ll look forward to it then. You know, I haven’t officially asked yet, can I have my job back?”

“Of course,” he scoffs, “In fact, I’m thinking of placing you as a sort of mentor to a new guy I have coming in.”

“A mentor? I’m barely a secretary.”

“I meant more of a mentor for navigating the people, the office politics. What happened with Brent can’t happen again. I need someone down in the trenches watching the junior associates. After what happened with you and Max, and now Brent it’s clear it’s the wild west and I intend to reign it in. I should have seen it before.”

“What exactly happened...with Brent?”

“It’s not clear yet. I think Brent took the fall for a couple of other guys, they set him up to be a scapegoat. I suspected it at the time but I also have to walk a fine line. I can’t accuse senior staff of lying unless I have something to back it up. It undermines their authority. I’m bringing in several people from the outside for oversight, we need a fresh start.”

“What are you going to do about the building?”

“Have it demolished. I can’t expect anyone to work there. I was focused on expanding the campus, but now that’s futile. There are two buildings downtown, big enough for everyone but I have to ensure it’s the right fit. I’m headed there this afternoon if you’d like to join me.”

“I’d like that,” you watch him pick up the menu.

You could get used to this.

Two Weeks Later

“You found a place?” Sam inquires, looking through the stack of mail.

“Yup, it’s a loft. It’s small but there are tall ceilings so it doesn’t feel claustrophobic. Lots of windows. It’s exactly what I need right now.” You grin, plopping down on his couch. “They said I can move in next Monday.”

“Are you ready for that?” he inquires nonchalantly, skimming over a letter. “You said your therapist suggested you shouldn’t be alone, not for a while.”

“I’m not gonna be alone. We start working at the office on Wednesday, I always spend weekends with you and I’m hoping maybe I could see you during the week sometimes...it’s been nice spending time together, you know, other than sex.”

You watch him absorb this confession, a thoughtful expression crossing his face as he sets the remaining mail aside and looks at you.

“It’s been different than I thought. I haven’t shared personal space like this in a very long time. I assumed I would feel suffocated, but I haven’t. You’re easy to be around.” He delivers this information deadpan and your entire face goes hot. “It’s been nice.”

“Maybe you could come to my place sometime? I can try to cook something, and I’ll probably have a futon by then. Maybe even a loveseat if my boss gives me a raise with this fancy new position. You can see how the other half lives.”

“That sounds...terrible,” he grins, watching you carefully.

“Yeah, it does,” you laugh out loud, genuinely happy for the first time in a long time. “But I am getting a new bed, I ordered it this morning. We could break it in…”

“You let me know once the futon arrives and I’ll drop by.” He gives in, checking his watch. “There is one thing we need to talk about.”

“That sounds vaguely ominous,” you chatter, giving him your full attention.

“You asked me to void our contract. I had it taken care of this morning.” He gives a curt little nod.

“I wanted to talk about that...about us and how this works now. I’d still prefer if our relationship remained private. For the time being at least.” You’ve been thinking about it more and more over the last few days.

“I understand,” Sam agrees easily.

“It’s just, people will assume a lot of things. And they’re nosey. I like this being just ours.”

“You don’t have to explain, I understand. My life entails more than you realize. No one pays attention to me because I don’t date actresses or get DUIs, but once you’re in the mix, eventually someone will take an interest.”

“We’re not very scandalous,” you snort, “Well, I guess kind of, but not in a ‘Page Six’ way.”

“True.” Sam looks relaxed, more at ease than you’ve seen him since this thing between you started. “You’re always welcome here,” he adds, before shifting his attention back to his work.

“You start work tomorrow?” Carol, your psychiatrist, is always examining you. But that’s why you come here, to be an open book. You’ve always been open to the idea of therapy and after everything that’s happened this can’t hurt.

“Yeah, going in on a Wednesday. We’re starting back up with a three day week.” It’s been a month since the shooting and life has inevitably moved despite the many changes. “I’m kinda nervous. I keep having this thought that I shouldn’t feel so normal. Like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop and have some kind of a breakdown or something.”

“Are you still experiencing triggers?”

“Yeah,” you admit. This is the most frustrating part for you. Ninety-nine percent of the time you’re fine but out of the blue you find yourself spiraling down this dark hole. The panic attacks hit you out of nowhere and disappear just as quickly. It’s normal, that’s what everyone keeps telling you, but the unpredictability of it is infuriating. “I went three days with nothing and then last night we were eating dinner and bam. I almost passed out. Five minutes later I was fine.”

“Was there anything that stood out about that moment? A loud noise? Someone yelling?”

“No,” you shrug. “I was in the kitchen. I don’t even turn the TV on anymore. I never noticed before how many guns there are. Someone’s always shooting or talking about it. The first couple of times it happened I thought that was it. CNN was on the background, maybe I heard something I didn’t realize. But I’ve officially marked that off as a possibility. The trigger must be something else.”

“Well, just keep an eye on it. Next time it happens try to make a note of the details. Write it down right away, or take a video with your cell phone. We’ll figure it out. And if it gets bad, you call me and we can talk about medication again.”

“Honestly, I feel fine most of the time. I was thinking this morning I must be a psychopath. You know I didn’t even cry at Max’s funeral?”

“We’ve talked about survivor's guilt. Everyone’s experience is different. That’s just one facet of it. Take things slow and if you start to experience any emotional discomfort, take a step back.” She suggests, supportive as ever.

“I will. I’m ready to just dive in. I’ve got this new position and a new apartment.” You smile, thinking about all the emerging possibilities.

“New relationship,” she adds, as if you’ve purposely avoided mentioning it. And maybe you have. It’s not that she doesn’t approve, but she’s cautious.

“I know you don’t think it’s a good idea, but we’re actually in a good place.”

“I never said that I thought it was a bad idea. I simply pointed out that you hold things back when it comes to him. You stop yourself from spilling too many details. Sometimes that can be a warning sign. And your work situation is less than ideal. You said he’s your boss?”

“More like...my boss’s boss’s boss. He’s at the top of the food chain.”

“Well, it’s probably better he’s that far removed.” She makes a note on her pad. “And your sex life remains one hundred percent consensual?”

“Yeah, God, you make it sound like there’s something wrong with it.”

“Again, that’s you projecting what you assume my opinions are. But I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t ask. You’re certainly not the first woman in the world who enjoyed being tied up. There’s nothing wrong with it as long as it’s not having a negative impact on your self-worth or emotional health.”

“No, things are really good, all around. It sounds so fucked up to say that, but I feel like my life has a future. Is that weird? It’s not that I was sad or depressed before, but I was treading water. Now I’m going somewhere.”

“Sometimes terrible things bring necessary change. You didn’t know how to move forward here, and now you do.”

The new offices are two high rise buildings connected by a walkway. It’s just temporary until Sam decides on where to build the new campus but for the next couple years, this is the home of W & S.

Glancing at the post-it in your hand you look again at the number in front of you.

Workspace 2852

The office team had decided everything is now labeled as a workspace. There are no more offices and cubicles. Only workspaces - that look exactly like traditional offices and cubicles. You trail down the aisle, cubicles flanking the left and offices against the right-hand wall. Coming to the end of the cubicles you check the paper again. You must have missed it.

“You alright, sweetheart?” Gloria from the travel team asks.

“I can’t find my desk. Maybe I’m on the wrong floor,” you explain.

She takes the paper from you, looking at the number and pointing to a small office tucked into the corner. “2852, right there.”

“No way,” you grin, getting closer only to find your last name scrawled across a piece of masking tape in the center of the door.

“Sorry about the tape. The nameplates are coming, that’ll have to do for now.”

“No, it’s fine.” You’re beaming like an idiot, opening the door and stepping inside. It’s small, but the ceilings are vaulted and it’s literally in the corner of the building. Two walls are floor to ceiling windows that overlook the city below. “Shit,” you mumble to yourself, scarcely able to believe this is your little corner of the world.

The office is naked, just a desk, computer and filing cabinet. But it’s yours.

There’s a single, white envelope on the desk and you have a feeling who’s left it for you. Inside is a note written on the back of a business card.

Enjoy. You deserve it.

“Sam,” you whisper, clutching the little card like it’s a bouquet of flowers. Turning the card over you’re met with another shock. The card is yours. Your name with the title of Department Liaison underneath.

“Sorry to bother you.” A new voice and two knocks come from behind you. You turn to find an unassuming man standing in the doorway. “I know you're probably busy. I just wanted to drop in and introduce myself. I’m Cole Trenton.”

Cole Trenton, your new boss.

“Hi,” you beam back. He looks...nice. There’s a big smile plastered across his face as he extends his hand. His handshake is firm but not too hard, some men feel the need to crush you to prove a point but not him. “Y/N. I just got here. I’m not normally late but I couldn’t find my des- office.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He waves his hand dismissing any concern. Shoving both hands in his pockets he wanders inside, looking at your view. Whistling, he looks back at you. “Someone must like you. I’m right next door, mine is bigger, but nothing like this.”

“To be honest I thought I’d be stuck out there in cubicle land.”

“Not anymore.” He taps your desk with the back of his knuckles. “I’m not sure what your schedule looks like today, but I was hoping we could sit down and I could pick your brain. You’re my eyes and ears right?”

“Absolutely,” you affirm. “Welcome, by the way. We’ve needed someone like you for a long time.”

“I’m lucky to be here. Working for Sam Winchester was pipe dream up until two weeks ago. I just don’t wanna screw this up. I’ve heard he’s a bastard but he can make or break you.”

“He’s not so bad,” you feel the business card burning a hole in your hand. “He just has high expectations.”

“I’m alright with that,” he chuckles lifting his hands palms forward in a sign of submission. “Let me know once you’re settled in. Whadda you say we order a pizza and go over employee files. It’ll be the first act of official business in your new workspace.”

“That sounds great. It looks like you’ll have to bring your own chair.” You’re on cloud nine. You’ve got a boss that doesn’t hate you with his very marrow. “It’s nice to meet you, Cole.”

“You too.” He pats the door frame on the way out, leaving you truly immersed in this new beginning.

#sam winchester fanfiction #sam winchester x reader #sam winchester smut

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years

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questions to amuse and frustrate

1. Is cereal soup? No. Soup has broth.

2. Is a hotdog a sandwich? I don’t think it is. A hotdog is in its own category, just like a hamburger. To be a hotdog, it must have a wiener and the type of open bun it has.

3. Why are structures referred to as “buildings” if they’re already built? They’re something that was a built, so they’re buildings. lol makes sense to me.

4. Why is the mythical creature called a “unicorn” and not a “unihorn”? Uhh because it’s not real so it doesn’t have to make sense. haha. Wait okay, so I cheated and looked it up and it actually makes total sense. I won’t spoil it, though.

5. If you’re clean when you get out of the shower, then how does your towel get dirty? I don’t think it gets dirty from you, it gets dirty if just left there for too long. Water sitting there like that isn’t good and dirt and debris in the air get on it.

6. Why do our feet smell, while our noses run? While it sounds funny, those actually make sense cause our feet aren’t doing the act of smelling, they smell, as in stink. And noses of course don’t literally run, just a term for a runny nose. Noses run and smell and feet can smell and run.

7. If oranges are called “oranges”, then what should lemons or limes be called? Actually, the name for the fruit came first.

8. Do you think you will die if you get scared “half to death” twice? I’m such a jumpy person and have been scared countless times, so no. ha.

9. Would you finish first or last if you were in a race all by yourself? If you’re the only one there is no first or last then. Or a race. You just ran.

10. At a restaurant, if you’re waiting for a waiter, doesn’t that, in turn, make you the waiter? True, true. We’re waiting on each other.

11. When we get nervous, we’re said to “get butterflies” in our stomach…so what happens if a butterfly gets nervous? Butterflies probably don’t get nervous. Lucky.

12. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Explain your reasoning, please. The chicken. I believe in God, who created everyone and everything. Therefore, He created the chicken who went on to lay eggs and so on.

13. While dreaming, have you ever dreamed that you were sleeping? Yes. I’ve also dreamt I was telling someone about my dream.

14. Where do you think our thoughts come from? Gahhh that’s getting too deep for 530 in the morning. 15. What does water taste like? It depends on the source. I also think any water tastes like the container it’s in. Like, bottled water sometimes tastes like plastic and water in metal bottles can taste tinny. I don’t know. <<< Yep yep. And then some waters put minerals in it that you might be able to taste. There is a taste of some kind to me, but I can’t really describe it. It’s not as simple as saying it tastes salty or sweet or something. It’s a distinct taste to your tastebuds.

16. Who do you think determined that the alphabet was in alphabetical order? The Romans, I think.

17. Can you daydream during the nighttime? Yeah. It’s just a general term.

18. If you drop a bar of soap on the floor - is the soap dirty or is the floor clean? I’d say the soap is dirty. The floor wouldn’t be clean just from soap falling on it.

19. What would you call a living room after someone has died in it? It’s still a living room for those who are alive. It’s just a room to lounge or socialize in.

20. Would life really be fair if it was unfair to everyone? What’s fair and unfair is subjective.

21. If you clean a vacuum, do you become a vacuum cleaner? Yep.

22. If a sponge is full of holes, then how does it hold water? I hate this question BYE.

23. Owners name their pets - but do you think that pets name their owners? Awww, that’d be cute but no. I’d love to know what my doggo would name me if she could.

24. If you followed your parents advice and didn’t talk to strangers, then how did you manage to make friends? Don’t go talking to some random adult or go off with them somewhere, but if you’re at school with your peers, those you see everyday, and you’re around other people, it’s generally a safe thing to do. Not to say people your age can’t be sketchy, but... you get what I mean. As you get older you have to be more careful about who you spend time with and go with alone. Use your judgment.

25. If someone who’s bald gets their license, what do you think is listed as the person’s hair color? I guess it’s not listed.

26. If it’s called quicksand, then why does it work so slowly? Did quicksand seem like a bigger thing to anyone else as a kid? ha. Anyway, it’s quicker than regular sand. I can go on the beach and sit on the sand and be fine I’m not sinking down through it or getting stuck.

27. Everyone has someone they look up to - do short people look up to everyone? Um, rude. -____- lol. But anyway, obviously looking up to someone is meant as admiration, not literally looking with your eyes up at them.

28. Do you think it’s possible for a pig to pull it’s hamstring? Well, yeah.

29. Why can we drink a drink but not food a food? Yeah, I don’t know why we have a different word for the act of consuming food (”eating”), but not for drink consumption.

30. Would Jesus Christ say “Oh My God!” or “Oh My Dad!” ? He refers to Him as Father, so.

[a-zebra-is-a-striped-horse]

#persona #text #survey #surveys

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nancy-kenyablog · 5 years

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Saga of the shoes

When I packed to come to Kenya, other than a few suggestions from my friend who has been coming here for 10 years, I had no idea what I would actually need. So as usual I brought stuff I don’t need and I didn’t bring stuff that I do need. This is typical for me. That’s how I roll. The ramifications of such a packing style, if you want to call it that, are that I have to buy stuff when I land. In my current situation this is a challenge since I live in the middle of nowhere and the closest settlement is a half hour away down some amazingly treacherous cow paths that I get to navigate from the passenger seat of a tough as nails motorbike driven by a maniac Maasai man with nerves of steel and a superior knowledge of this land he’s lived on his whole life. We make this trip about once a week and so far my back is managing much better than I would have imagined. If I had imagined a thing like this excursion I would never have pictured myself in it. Never. I notice that if I think too hard about all of the possibilities I end up not doing anything so it’s sort of a blind leap into the void that gets me into situations like this.

Anyway….. I packed one pair of good walking shoes and I wore an old pair of ratty garden shoes/crocks. My thinking was the crocks would be easy to get out of and back into at the airport as they still have everybody taking off everything and getting radiated front and back. It is just part of the joy of flying. Those seats in economy class are another of the joys. If you don’t know what I’m talking about either you haven’t flown in awhile or you’re way more financially secure than me. The whole airplane travel thing is horrific. But it got me here so I’ll stop complaining now. About that anyway. I figured the crocs would be my bedroom slippers/knock around shoes. One small problem quickly presented itself. This place is full of little sand spurs and my crocs are so old that the soles are thin in places and those little sandspurs poke through the bottom them and either piss me off or actually make it impossible to walk until I stop and pull them out which isn’t easy and has left little barbs in my fingers on occasion. So it became increasingly clear that I need a new pair of shoes.

On one of our trips to Namilok, the small village where we go to shop I ended up sitting outside as dusk turned to dark with a beautiful young woman named Naomi and her two and a half year old daughter. I was her daughter’s first encounter with a white person and she was an unusually bright and inquisitive child so we had a lively encounter where she learned many English words and we became friends. During this little love fest many villagers came by and stopped to see what this old white lady was doing in this remote village where white folks are obviously just not at all a common occurrence. One of the passersby had a tape measure around her neck. I wouldn’t call myself a seamstress by any stretch but I do like to sew and I recognize a tape measure around the neck as a clear sign of a sister. So I followed her home. She had a small shop with fabric and samples of her work. And she had a whole wall full of cheap knock off shoes.

I picked out a pair of Tevaish ones and when I discovered they were only $10. I knew I had a solution for my poor prickled feet. When Dan, my intrepid driver finished all of our shopping and came back to get me I told him I wanted the shoes. He said we would have to check with Jessica and get them next time as we were on a budget and had already spent all that we came with. I wasn’t thrilled but I’ve gotten accustomed to waiting and things not going exactly my way here. It’s sort of how it is and part of the reason I decided to make this journey. I’m basically spoiled rotten and this is like a crash course in service above indulgence. I have to remind myself regularly that there is a reason for this and that I am being well served by serving. My fervent hope is that I will be far less of a spoiled brat at journey’s end. Hope springs eternal.

That was pass one. Pass two came the following week when we once again went to Namilok this time after a serious rain. The terrain was even more exciting plus we were carrying two pieces of wood lashed to the seat behind me and squeezing me between it and Dan. It was a huge relief when we landed and I was not looking forward to the trip back before we even finished that first leg. But I was excited to get my shoes. Dan did all the shopping as usual and this time I was deposited on a bench outside of a little shop where I sat with a man who’s four year old daughter drank milk from a plastic bag and stared at me shyly. When he came back to get me he said we only had money for one chair and two chairs had been on our list. I told him to forget the shoes and lets get another chair. We really need some chairs. He agreed and took off. When he returned he had more groceries and when we left Namalok we still had just one chair. I don’t ask many questions about logistics as I have noticed that with the language barrier and my basic lack of understanding about what is going on in general it’s best to just keep my nose out of it for the most part. So we got back on his picky picky (Maasai for motorbike) and now I had not only the wood pushing me from behind but a blue plastic chair on my shoulder for the ride home.

We made a stop this time at Dan’s house to drop off most of the groceries. Again I kept my big mouth shut. Three ragged little urchins where hanging around in the dirt with a small herd of baby goats. They looked like they could use some groceries. The house was a typical Maasai structure, sticks and cow dung. I asked Dan where his wife was and he said she had gone to fetch water. It’s not that far, in relative terms, to the spring where she goes to get her water, relative to how far most women have to walk. Some are walking 22 miles one way. She only has to walk about 2. One way is with an empty jerrycan and the return trip is with 50 pounds of water in the jerrycan which they attach to a strap that they somehow manage to support with their heads without breaking their necks. I’ll post a photo. It’s quite the feat. When we left his house after dropping off his groceries and got to the museum and he had to face the boss, Jessica, that’s when the shit kinda hit the fan.

One chair, no shoes and not much in terms of food. We didn’t get our money’s worth. Dan took off and left us to sort it out. So Jessica called him and he didn’t answer. That went on awhile. When he finally did answer he apologized and promised to make it right and said it wouldn’t happen again. So the next day it happened again. This time he did bring another chair and four bananas but two of them were squashed and he said they sold my shoes. He seemed to be drunk and we couldn’t make any sense of his explanation about why he had failed to bring a flashlight when Jessica had told him that the transformer blew down and we are without power and it’s an emergency. It just didn’t seem to register. Odd as he had to step around the fallen pole and wires to reach us. Anyway, it was a bit frustrating but it was getting dark by then and I just wanted to crawl in my little hovel and sleep. It had been another long day and I was happy to have another chair and the promise of shoes on the horizon. I had not lost my faith in Dan. I saw what he bought with the money he grafted by not getting my shoes and a chair. These were not frivolous purchases. Cornmeal, greens, laundry soap. He did get a haircut but that half hour experience in a shack off the main drag cost just 50 cents. Who could deny him that small pampering?

This morning Dan arrived with my shoes and two flashlights. The Kenya power people promise to fix our electricity by noon. It’s just 12:08 and I’m not expecting them anytime soon. I doubt that it will happen at all today as the wind is so strong they will have trouble walking straight much less climbing poles. There is more snow on Mount Kilimanjaro today. It never melted completely. And everything is greening after the rain on October first. The skies have been awe inspiring all day and all night. Life here continues to be unpredictable and challenging. Much better when I let go of expectations and enjoy the ride. Kinda like everywhere only way different.

#maasai

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deathclawforcuties · 5 years

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OC Interview!

So, got tagged by @robobrainmurdermysterytheatre to do my OC from Fallout 4.

I'm supposed to tag five other people, but sadly I don't know anyone else to tag who hasn't already been tagged by others, soooo here goes.

1. What is your name?

"The Names Celestine O'Kelly-Hancock, but everyone just calls me Celeste for short. Nice to meet you, dude."

2. Do you know why are you named that?

"Which part are you asking about?"

3. Are you single or taken?

"Very much taken. Remarried, actually. My hubby is the Mayor of Goodneighbor. Maybe you've heard of him?"

4. Have any abilities or powers?

"I've a natural affinity for swimming, and growing some of the best damn rad-weed this side of....uh....what were we talking about again? Oh yeah! I can out-snipe anyone."

*somewhere off in the distance you can hear Robert screaming out "I CALL SHENANIGANS!"*

5. Stop being a Mary Sue.

"Huh? Dude, are you smoking the same shit I am? Who's Mary Sue? Pretty sure you mean Mary Jane."

6. What’s your eye color?

"My eye color? John tells me they're 'Nuka Quantum blue', but I'm pretty sure he's stoned when he says that. I think they're deep, almost grey-blue, to be honest."

7. How about your hair color?

"Currently it's purple, because SOMEBODY likes to play pranks and fuck with my soap. Deacon, I'm looking at you!"

*A maniacal cackle can be heard around the corner*

8. Have any family members?

"Well, sure I do. There's my hubby John, there's Robert who is like my little brother. I've got my fur-baby, Dogmeat, and my adopted dad, Wiseman..."

9. Oh? How about pets?

"Dogmeat, he's a dog, obviously. Then I adopted a ginger tabby I named Deacon."

*Deacon pokes his head into the picture*

"Awwww!"

"Because he, too, is an asshole."

*Human Deacon blows raspberries before slinking off*

10. That’s cool, I guess. Now tell me something you don’t like?

"Something I don't like? I can't stand bigotry of any kind; you picking on a ghoul in front of me is a great way to get shot. By me. Because fuck you, that's why. I also don't like it when someone tries to fuck with my crops. Wait until it's done growing. Fucking weed-nappers."

11. Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do?

“I smoke pot, I crochet stuff, and hunt raiders. Oh, and I like to bake."

*Hancock wolf whistles off from the side*

"You mean get baked!"

"Oh, ha ha babe!"

12. Have you ever hurt anyone in any way before?

"Damn, that's uh...that's kinda heavy. Yeah...um...not something I really want to talk about."

13. Ever… killed anyone before?

"Dude, this is the Commonwealth we're talking about. Everyone out this way has killed at least once in their life. I might have a higher kill count than most, I mean, I do actively hunt raiders and shit...so....yes."

14. What kind of animal are you?

“A house cat. Yeah, happy, lazy fucker that naps in the sun, sleeps a lot..."

15. Name your worst habits?

"My worst habits? I sometimes sleep too much, and I may, or may not, steal the covers."

*Hancock sticks his head in the room*

"She totally steals the blankets."

"BABE!"

16. Do you look up to anyone at all?

"My adopted Dad, Wiseman. No matter what hell comes his way, he faces it with a calm and compassionate heart leading the rest of my ghoul family through it all with grace. And John. He saved my life both literally, and figuratively. And my mom...I miss her."

17. Are you gay, straight or bisexual?

"Does...does it really matter?"

18. Do you go to school?

"The school of Hard Knocks count?"

19. Ever want to marry and have kids one day?

"Well, I remarried, so yes to that part. As far as kids go, John and I have thought about adopting, but I'm....not quite ready yet..."

20. Do you have any fangirls/fanboys?

"I don't have any strains by those names. Got some OG Kush growing right now...Just hit a blunt made from it, actually. Smoooth po-ta-to."

21. What are you most afraid of?

"Fucking rad roaches, man! I'll take a deathclaw on any day, but put me in a room full of giant bugs and I will nope the biggest nope that ever noped."

22. What do you usually wear?

*Hancock butts in*

"She usually wears my face on her lady bits! Yeah booooy!"

"OMG BABE! NO BAD!"

23. What’s one food that tempts you?

“When I get the munchies, I crave Dandy Boy apples, and gum drops. I can't get enough of them."

24. Am I annoying to you?

"Even if you were, I'm waaaay too baked to care right now."

25. Well, it’s still not over!

"Huh? What's not over? Did I just miss a whole conversation?"

26. What class are you (low/middle/high)?

"If I'm stoned, I'm HIGH class!"

*Giggling intensifies*

27. How many friends do you have?

"Tons. You looking to add to my list?"

28. What are your thoughts on pie?

"I could totally go for a slice right about now. Why? You offering?"

29. Favorite drink?

“Vim classic. Good shit."

30. What’s your favorite place?

"I've got two places I love: The Slog, and Goodneighbor. They're the only places I feel truly at home in."

31. Are you interested in anyone?

*Hancock butts in again*

"She's married to me. I don't share."

"You heard the Mayor: He doesn't share. Hey! I made a rhyme!"

32. That was a stupid question…

"Waaaaait.....did I think that out loud?"

33. Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean?

“Both. I fear no body of water, and nothing ever bothers me when I swim, at least. Might have to do with all the Vim I drink..."

34. What’s your type?

“My type? Gotta be intelligent; if you can't carry on an intelligent conversation, you can quit right now. I like a partner whose heart is in everything they do, and who isn't judgmental, as well."

35. Any fetishes?

"I uh....um...*cough* I like role playing..."

36. Camping or outdoors?

"I adore outdoors. Being out in my garden is like a balm to my soul. Camping is meh, but sometimes when I'm on a job, it's a necessary evil."

#my ocs #oc interview #fallout 4 #fallout #interview

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sunsetbeachsoap · 5 years

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Hollywood: Daytime Goes to the Beach Aaron Spelling will bring sunshine and sand to set-bound soap operas with his new ‘Sunset Beach’

Nov 4, 1996 By Betsy Sharke Except for a nasty cold, Aaron Spelling couldn’t be in much better spirits. He’s spent most of the day with his office crammed full of wardrobe racks and cast members from Sunset Beach, the first daytime drama that Spelling Entertainment has ever done and the first daytime drama to be introduced on network TV in eight years (1989’s Generations was the last — and it didn’t).

‘We brought in 12 racks of clothes,’ says Spelling. ‘I think fashion is as important to a serial as anything else.’ Fashion sets the tone. It defines the palette. The length of a skirt, the style of jeans, can tell the viewer volumes about a character before the first word of dialogue is spoken. Spelling already loves the Sunset Beach cast — their names have been added to his annual Christmas party list — and on this day he is doling out advice to them on everything from buying a new car to renting apartments to how to handle fame, should it be lucky enough to come. He has issued his no-hair-changes dictum — Sunset cast members had better be happy with the style and color they start the show with, because Spelling isn’t about to let them confuse a new audience with a makeover any time soon. It is a long-standing rule for a Spelling show, and his staff knows that he’s deadly serious about it even if some of the awestruck actors don’t — yet. On Jan. 6, Sunset Beach will hit the air. ‘The series is a critical component of NBC West Coast president Don Ohlmeyer’s plan to make the network’s daytime schedule as potent as its prime time. NBC is in third place in daytime, though the net is up 20 percent this season and is closing in on second-place ABC. Ohlmeyer has his sights set on first, which CBS now owns. ‘With Sunset, we have something new and hot and exciting,’ Ohlmeyer says. ‘(In) the ‘80s, NBC daytime basically disintegrated. We are in the process of rebuilding, but we have to deliver the goods. That’s how we’ve built prime time, with distinctive programming. ‘There hasn’t been a successful soap launched in 10 years. It’s very difficult to do, but with Aaron’s touch and looking at the cast we have, we think it’s worth the effort. Some of our affiliates are very receptive (to the show) some, we’re in the process of kidnapping their children.’ On Stage 11 at NBC Studios in Burbank, carpenters and set designers are working late into the night to complete the sets that will form the primary backdrop for the show. The small community of Seal Beach, roughly a 90-minute drive south of Los Angeles, has been scouted nearly grain by grain of sand. It will be the exterior home for Sunset, and unlike most daytime soaps, the location will be a frequent player. Last week, readings and the first of three weeks of shooting exteriors began. The Santa Anas — California’s devil winds — stirred up the sand, making it sting on the skin. The water, which is never warm at Seal Beach, was even colder than usual. But no one was complaining. The 22 actors who will give shape and form to Sunset Beach are a beautiful bunch indeed, a canvas of racial diversity plucked from the talent pool in New York, Los Angeles and other cities including Philadelphia, the hometown of Spelling Entertainment president Jonathan Levin, who went back for that casting session. They are also young faces, part of the strategy to make Sunset a daytime soap for younger viewers, to do for daytime drama what Ricki Lake did for talk, at least in terms of attracting a new audience. Spelling is considered a master at casting, instinctively knowing which faces will work together as a couple, which actors will have that all-important element of chemistry. Now the virtually unknown Sunsetters are all in front of him, many meeting for the first time, and the air is electric. ‘One of my favorite sports is finding new people and combining them with other people, and I had used so many people from daytime on our soaps,’ says Spelling, whose legacy includes such prime-time legends as Loveboat and Dynasty. The company is currently on prime time with an unprecedented four dramas: Melrose Place; Beverly Hills, 90210; Savannah; and Seventh Heaven. Sunset has been 18 months in the making, and Spelling is like a proud papa, surrounded by actors whose future he has just secured. The series, which is co-owned by Spelling and NBC, has a one-year commitment from the network. That’s 51 weeks of shows, 255 hour-long episodes guaranteed. ‘I wouldn’t tell Candy, my wife, for a week after the show was sold, but my daughter Tori is a daytime addict, and she kept saying, ‘Do it,” says Spelling. With four shows already on the air, he has little time. Launching a daytime soap would siphon off even more of it. ‘I don’t think it hit me for a while. OnMelrose, we wrap on the 22nd of November and don’t come back until January 5th. The actors and writers get a chance to rest. This is never-ending. But it’s been a strange, great experience.’ Worldvision, which sells Spelling’s shows internationally, already has 10 countries signed on for Sunsetwithout one scene shot, based on a four-minute video that outlined the premise of the show and included Spelling talking about it. The foreign sales are important, as is NBC’s share in the financing. Mounting a daytime drama from scratch is a massive undertaking. ‘It requires the logistics of mounting a military campaign,’ says Levin. ‘There’s huge construction, there’s an enormous amount of lighting, tremendous casting, wardrobe problems. It’s not like prime time, when you see life in a kind of episodic way. Daytime is an endless stream of programming that, once it’s begun, can’t be stopped.’ Ohlmeyer puts the production investment alone at about $50 million. ‘Then there’s the cost of launch, advertising and promotion — it’s a major commitment on our part,’ he says. ‘With daytime, you’re not really going to know anything concretely for 18 months. I feel we’re very much on track. We’ve done this in a really organized way in terms of laying out target dates, scripts in by here, cast in place by here, task force working on clearances to this point we’re right on schedule. That still doesn’t change the pucker factor.’ NBC was initially looking at four ideas, Spelling’s idea among them, for a daytime soap. Spelling’s concept originally was loosely defined as ‘Melrose Place at the beach.’ When they began to look seriously for a title for the new show, Spelling ran a title contest in-house. The winner would get $200. There were dozens of suggestions, but the most serious contender, Never Say Goodbye, came from an unlikely source: Viacom chairman Sumner Redstone, who suggested it during a dinner with Spelling. ‘I loved the name — it says romance, which this show is all about,’ says Spelling, whose company is part of Viacom. But in testing, viewers were drawn to the ‘beach’ motif more than anything else, Spelling says. Executive producer Gary Tomlin (Santa Barbara) and Robert Guza Jr. are the people on the front line of the creative side of Sunset Beach. The initial groundwork on the series was done by Chuck Pratt, who was an executive producer on Melrose Place, and Guza, whose work everyone knew from Spelling’sModels Inc. Together they wrote a nearly 400-page bible outlining Sunset’s premise, characters and storyline. Spelling remembers the bible for Melrose Place being closer to 40 pages. Unlike most daytime dramas, which tend to build their storylines around families and family rivalries,Sunset Beach is about young singles and couples who have been drawn to the town, and the relationships that emerge as the action unfolds. The producers also created an underlying mythology about the town as a place where one can find true love. ‘We loved the idea of creating a town and making the town a character,’ says Guza, who is cocreator and head writer. ‘(With) Sunset Beach, you get to create this world and these characters, and then you get to screw up their lives.’ Sunset Beach is being written at a faster pace than traditional daytime dramas. It’s a delicate balancing act to move action through each episode without losing the audience. ‘We would love it if people watched five days a week, but they don’t,’ says Tomlin. Three days is more typical. ‘We have to make certain they’re able to pick up where the story left off and that it hasn’t moved so rapidly that they can’t figure it out.’ The show is also being designed to allow room for cameos by big-name prime-time stars. Spelling wants to give viewers as compelling a reason as possible to tune in to Sunset. ‘On top of needing to have a terrific show, you are fighting against viewer habits that are long, long ingrained,’ says Levin. ‘It is very difficult to change the loyalty of the daytime viewer, and we’re talking about shows that have been on for 30 years. That’s one of the reasons we’re targeting young viewers — they’re the most available and the most flexible in their viewing habits.’ Then there is the station lineup. Affiliates exert their independence far more in daytime than prime time. NBC says that Sunset is cleared on 85 percent of its affiliates; the network expects to reach 90 percent by the premiere. With the cast now in place and the first rolls of tapes being produced, the network knows that stations that are wavering at least will have something concrete to see. ‘Will we get sufficient coverage — that’s a constant battle,’ says Levin. ‘Will the local affiliates elect to air the show in desirable time slots that will afford us the best opportunity to be sampled? These are things we are lobbying for but ultimately we don’t control.’ Spelling and NBC executives hope that Sunset Beach will be scheduled to follow Days of Our Lives, which has made a dramatic turnaround. ‘Over the last 18 months with that show, it’s been unbelievable, going from being in the middle to the top,’ Ohlmeyer says. ‘If we can get that kind of performance from Another World — and we think we’re finally on the right track there — with Sunset Beach we could have a solid three-hour block.’ Copyright ASM Communications, Inc. (1996) ALL RIGHTS RESERVED http://www.mediaweek.com/mw/esearch/article_display.jsp?vnu_content_id=510703

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sophygurl · 5 years

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300 Fox Way - let’s unpack the household a bit

One thing I want to take a closer look at regarding 300 Fox Way in The Raven Cycle is what the composition of the household actually is, and what their history and relationship dynamics are because it’s not all that clear. And I just love them all so much, and love the idea of the house and household so much, so I just wanna know everything we can possibly know about them!

Here are some things we know, or can assume or guess, about the makeup and personal dynamics of 300 Fox Way:

Maura, Calla, and Persephone came together from separate points and formed the 300 Fox Way household when they were fairly young (or at least when Maura and Calla were young - Persephone’s age, like everything else about her, is pretty vague and there are hints that no one really knows how old she is which makes me think she might be older than the rest)

At some point in time Jimi joined the household, and was either already with Orla then, or Orla was born there, or possibly Orla at some point lived elsewhere and joined her mom and the others later in life. All we know for sure is that Orla had been there are least since her teen years as per BLLB chapter 30: “Orla had gone through a period in her teens of telling everyone what their auras said about them. She had told Blue that her aura had meant she was short. She had been a pretty awful teenager.”

Also, Orla is at least 21 years old, as that’s the reason given for Gansey asking her along on the boat trip. I’m guessing she can’t be much older than that since she is continuously flirting with teenage boys and this isn’t seen as particularly creepy, and she also still has a pulse on the high school social scene.

Side note: in BLLB chapter 13, Blue says that Orla “was still friends or ex-girlfriends with her entire class” - paying attention to word choice here, it doesn’t say friends or ex-friends, nor friends or ex’s. Is Orla bi? Did she date girls in high school? Food for thought.

Blue was born into the household, and we get the sense that all of the above mentioned women were around since she was a small child and helped in the raising of her. I would guess the same would be true of Orla, and that these two were raised more or less as siblings, hence their sibling-like rivalry with one another. What cracks me up is the sibling-like relationship Maura and Orla seem to have! Maura is often snotty towards Orla, which may or may not be due in part to her motherly protectiveness of Blue. But it also seems their personalities clash a bit - Maura liking to be in charge and Orla liking to go rogue.

Neeve comes to stay with them at the start of The Raven Boys, and after she’s gone and they find Gwenllian she joins the household.

Artemus is the only male we ever hear about living at Fox Way

Although The Gray Man does seem to stay overnight sometimes

It also seems that Orla often entertains men

There are possibly other women who live at Fox Way, or who have at one point in time lived there, or who stay there sometimes, or who just come and go a lot during the day.

These possible people are maybe related to Maura and Jimi, or maybe to others of the household, or maybe are just referred to as family due to emotional closeness.

Jimi is Maura’s sister - most likely full sister as Blue makes a point of referring to Neeve always as a half-aunt and Jimi as just an aunt

Blue also never refers to Calla or Persephone as aunts in the way you might call a close family friend an aunt, so I think Blue is very precise about what she calls her family members. So Jimi is a full aunt, Neeve is a half-aunt, Orla is a cousin, and there may or may not be other aunts and half-aunts and cousins around.

The reason I say maybe about other family members/household members is that while Blue is precise about what she calls her family members, she also definitely does exaggerate when it comes to counting the people who live in or hang out in her house. Hence, it’s difficult to tell exactly who all might live there or be there a lot.

Some of the things Blue says about the makeup of her family/household:

TRB chapter 1: “In Blue’s intensely clairvoyant family, she was a fluke, an outsider to the vibrant conversation her mother and aunts and cousins held with a world hidden to most people.” - this seems to imply that she has multiple cousins, in addition to multiple aunts, although Orla is the only cousin she ever names.

TRB chapter 3: “There was school for Blue and work for some of the more productive (or less intuitive) aunts...” - again the implication of multiple aunts, unless Blue is referring to all of the adult women in the house as aunts in this instance.

Side note about jobs in the household: We know that Calla has a job outside the house working some kind of office job at Aglionby Academy. Orla seems to be in charge of the psychic hotline she put in, Neeve had her books and TV show, Persephone had her PhD work, and Jimi apparently has a job that requires her to sometimes have a night shift but I don’t believe we’re told what that is. It’s not clear what, if anything, Maura might have done beyond the readings or if any of the other possible inhabitants of the house had outside jobs.

TRB chapter 19: “Inside, every room was occupied with cousins and aunts and mothers.” - an example of Blue presumably exaggerating the number of people in the house.

Then again in chapter 20: “There are three hundred and forty-two people who live in this house and they all want to be in this room.” - A clear exaggeration this time lol

In TRB chapter 22, Blue refers to Neeve as “one of” her half-aunts, and since she only ever refers to Jimi as an aunt, we’re meant to think she has other half-aunt’s out there too. This makes me wonder - from the same side of the family as Neeve or from the other parent? How many?

TDT chapter 26: “She stepped over two small girls (she wasn’t certain who they belonged to) playing with tanks in the middle of the hall and snuck past a sort of possible second cousin carrying two lit candles.” - none of this is described as being out of the ordinary and implies a few things -

small girls can often be found playing in the house - relatives? relatives of other household members? friend’s kids? client’s kids? did the girls bring the tanks or does Fox Way keep tanks around for little girls who come over to play with?

a possible second cousin means there are, in fact, other relatives hanging about. Assuming it is a second cousin, that would be Maura’s cousin? On Neeve’s side or the other side? How many second cousins does she have? Blue is always so casual about all of this - just gobs of female relatives and family friends so she doesn’t even bother finding out exactly who they are or how she’s related to them like?! Come on - help me out here Blue!

BLLB chapter 17: “Plus, Trinity - Jimi’s sister or cousin or friend - had brought over about one thousand little cousins or something to make soap.” - Blue, being vague as always, also exaggerating again. But aha! Another named family member of some kind.

If Trinity is possibly Jimi’s sister or cousin, but not Maura’s, would that make her a half-sister or half-cousin and my hypothesis that Jimi is Maura’s full sister is wrong? My guess is that Trinity is a close friend of Jimi’s who is like family the way Calla and Persephone are like family. But who knows!

Gansey also says, in BLLB chapter 43, “He found Calla and Jimi and Orla and two other young women he didn’t recognize in the kitchen.” Again, the implication that there are multiple women who are a part or semi-part of this household who are not named/generally talked about. Relatives? Family friends? Neighbors? Clients?

We’re not sure about where any male relatives (other than Artemus eventually) might be, but Blue quips in TDT chapter 13 that “It’s like boot camp. They can’t hack it. Poor things.” Presumably none of the women of Fox Way who have had children have had sons, but what about the fathers or uncles or male cousins, etc,? Not even any close male friends (at least until the Gangsey enter Blue’s life)?

We’re also not sure what happened to Blue’s grandmothers, but in the same chapter as the above quote about the men in the family, Blue tells Gansey they both died and that her mom always said they’d died of meddling. This is clearly not a serious answer, so that leaves more questions.

300 Fox Way and things related to it are often referred to in terms of belonging to Maura or to “the Sargent’s” - this could be due to Blue’s own perspective, or perhaps because Maura is the unofficial head of the household, or because there are more Sargent’s than non-Sargent’s in the household (Maura and Blue for sure, and presumably Orla and Jimi share the same last name although this is never specified). Examples:

The car:

TRB chapter 6: “His watch looked as if it cost more than her mother’s car...” - not the family car, or the household car as it is sometimes described. Does Maura own the car and everyone gets to use it, or is this just a nice shorthand?

TRB chapter 43 - Calla says that Neeve “scuttled the car” - this time it’s more generically referred to as just the car.

TDT chapter 48 - “Calla removed the keys to the Fox Way car from her pocket.” - from Blue’s pov, it is now the Fox Way car and not her mother’s, but could this be because her mother is currently missing and/or because Calla was the one driving it at the time?

TDT chapter 54 - described as “the shared Fox Way vehicle.”

The house:

TDT chapter 6 “Sitting on the floor of her mother’s kitchen, Blue glared up at her older cousin.” - her mother’s kitchen might imply that Maura owns the house, or, as with the car example, might just show that Blue thinks of household things as belonging to her mom.

None of the women at Fox Way were born in town or on the corpse road - so they’re all imports to the community. We know Maura (so presumably Jimi and possibly Neeve although it seems she did not grow up with Neeve) hails from West Virginia, but I don’t think we get any clues about where the other ladies come from originally. Jimi and Orla go to stay with friends in WV towards the end of TRK, which is further implication that they’re from the same area as Maura, and likely Maura and Jimi grew up together as siblings.

The Bedroom situation:

Persephone has her own room -

TRB chapter 11 “Persephone was a poor but energetic sleeper; her midnight shouting and nocturnal leg paddling ensure she never had to share a room.”

Blue has her own room - her room is described many times as only hers, never a mention that she shares it or has ever shared it with anyone. She has privacy there and autonomy to decorate it as she wishes.

Maura has her own room

TDT chapter 57 “The Gray Man checked out of Pleasant Valley Bed and breakfast and placed his suitcase just inside the door of Maura’s bedroom.”

Also the prologue of BLLB has Blue and Calla going through the things in Maura’s room.

Orla - does she have her own room? If not, who does she share with?

Neeve, and then Gwenllian, lived in the attic by themselves. Artemus lived in the kitchen closet by himself (ha!).

Calla and Jimi share a room - this is at first posed as owing to there not being a lot of rooms in the house, but it seems as if everyone else has their own room. You’d think that if anyone was going to be forced to share, it would be the children - Orla and Blue. So why Calla and Jimi? Why doesn’t one of them live in the attic if it’s habitable? Couldn’t one of them taken over the phone/sewing/cat room? We know there is some story about Jimi having had once punched Calla. We know Jimi is normally very sweet and compassionate. We know that Calla is a fighter and generally a gruffer person. There are perhaps some hints that Calla is gay? So? Are Calla and Jimi lovers? WHY IS THIS NEVER TALKED ABOUT! I need this, Maggie!

Some other random tidbits:

From the Christmas short story, we see that they celebrate the holiday in their usual hodgepodge way of accommodating all of their various personality and cultural background differences. There is of course a lot of pagan-influenced stuff. From Persephone’s Estonian background we have the hay under the Christmas tree. There are lots of sort of traditional Christmas things such as lights around the windows outside and fruitcake. But there are also mentions of some Kwanzaa traditions such as the black, red, and green flag pointing east. This leads me to believe that all of the headcanons about at least one person in the household being black is not just a headcanon. I think there is enough evidence that Calla is black for this just to be canon at this point. I personally think of both Jimi and Orla as being described in ways that lead to them very plausibly being black, as well. Whether this makes Maura and Blue black as well depends somewhat on if you agree with my hypothesis that Jimi and Maura are full siblings. As a white lady, take anything I say on this matter with a hefty grain of salt, but I definitely read Calla as black and the Sargents as quite possibly not-white. Persephone, otoh, is pasty as shit.

I’ve got a whole thing about the physical descriptions of the house to make at some point, as well as a Maura/Calla/Persephone friendship analysis, some fun Orla/Blue sibling meta, some Blue and her mom’s stuff, and there will be more about FW whenever I get around to making my “questions I still have/mysteries yet unsolved” post. Any requests??

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pamphletstoinspire · 6 years

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Porn’s Harm Is Changing Fast

Skeptics of pornography’s danger point out that porn has been around a long time. After all, the ancient Greeks painted sexual images on their pottery. But comparing paintings on Greek vases to today’s endless stream of live-action, hardcore videos is like comparing apples to…um…kumquats. Technology is changing not only the content of porn, but how, when, and at what age it’s being consumed.

The year was 1953, and Hugh Heffner had just published the first copy of Playboy.

Sex had just started to become a more prominent part of American’s cultural conversation, partly because of Dr. Alfred Kinsey who, five years earlier, had published a controversial but extremely popular book on sexuality. [1] He was heralded as one of the first scientists and writers to talk so openly about sexuality, and his books went flying off the shelves. [2]

Heffner saw a chance to make money from the changing cultural views about sex. But to maximize sales of his new magazine he had to change porn’s image from something your friend’s creepy relative might read to something sophisticated and mainstream. So Heffner put his pornographic photos next to essays and articles written by respected authors. In Playboy, porn started to look like nothing more than harmless pleasure engaged in by respectable and successful individuals.

Flash forward to the 1980s, when VCRs suddenly made it possible for people to watch movies at home. [3] For porn consumers, that meant that instead of having to go to seedy movie theaters on the wrong side of town, they just went to the back room at their local movie rental place. Sure, they still had to go out to find it, but porn was a lot more accessible.

And then the internet changed everything. [4][5]

Once porn hit the Web in the 1990s, suddenly there was nothing but a few keystrokes between anyone with an internet connection and the most graphic material available. [4] The online porn industry exploded. Between 1998 and 2007, the number of pornographic websites grew by 1,800%. [6] By 2004, porn sites were getting three times more visitors than Google, Yahoo!, and MSN Search put together. [7] It was “big business” in a way the world had never seen before. Thirty percent of all internet data was related to porn, [8] and worldwide porn revenues (including internet, sex shops, videos rented in hotel rooms, etc.) grew to exceed the incomes of Microsoft, Google, Amazon, eBay, Yahoo!, Apple, Netflix, and Earthlink combined! [9]

As internet porn grew more popular, it also turned darker, more graphic, and more extreme. (See Why Consuming Porn Is An Escalating Behavior.) With so much porn available, pornographers tried to compete for attention by constantly pushing the boundaries. [10] “Thirty years ago ‘hardcore’ pornography usually meant the explicit depiction of sexual intercourse,” writes Dr. Norman Doidge, a neuroscientist and author of The Brain That Changes Itself. “Now hardcore has evolved and is increasingly dominated by the sadomasochistic themes … all involving scripts fusing sex with hatred and humiliation.” [11] In our post-Playboy world, porn now features degradation, abuse, and humiliation of people in a way never before seen in the mass media. [12] “[S]oftcore is now what hardcore was a few decades ago,” Doidge explains. “The comparatively tame softcore pictures of yesteryear … now show up on mainstream media all day long, in the pornification of everything, including television, rock videos, soap operas, advertisements, and so on.” [13]

As the popularity of internet porn grew like wildfire, so did its influence. Network television shows, pay-per-view channel series, and movies began to up the ante with more and more graphic content as they scrambled to keep the attention of audiences accustomed to internet porn. [14] Between 1998 and 2005, the number of sex scenes on American TV shows nearly doubled, [15] and it wasn’t just happening on adult programs. In a study conducted in 2004 and 2005, 70% of the 20 TV shows most often watched by teens included sexual content, and nearly half showed sexual behavior. [16] And for the first time, porn was becoming a routine part of teen life and a major way adolescents learned about sex. [17]

By now, porn’s effects have soaked into every aspect of our lives. [18] Popular video games now feature full nudity. [19] Snowboards marketed to teens are plastered with images of porn performers. [20] Even children’s toys have become more sexualized. [21]

Technology has changed not only the content of the porn, but also how, when, and at what age they consume it. Young men and women are all presented with the issue of today’s porn, and studies show that by the time they turn 14 years old, two out of three boys in the U.S. have viewed porn in the last year, [22] and many are watching it on devices they have with them 24 hours a day.

And for all of these changes to the nature and reach of today’s pornography, we haven’t even mentioned the most disturbing development of all: human trafficking. The modern-day slave trade (and there is one) is fueled by pornography. Over two-thirds of all calls to the National Human Trafficking Resource Center involve sex trafficking—an estimated 21 million victims worldwide [23], and in one survey, 63% of underage sex trafficking victims said they had been advertised or sold online [24].

This is not a Third World problem. Sex trafficking, and its dissemination through online pornographic sites, extends beyond prostitution and child trafficking rings to the many “revenge porn” sites, to the coercion, drugging, and/or physical abuse of porn performers, wannabe models, and runaways right here in the United States. Human trafficking includes any “commercial sex act induced by force, fraud, or coercion.” [25] (See How Porn Fuels Sex Trafficking.)

In fact, exposure to porn has been found, along with poverty, drug abuse, and homelessness, to be one of the most consistent risk factors associated with human trafficking. [26] And after victims are ensnared, porn is often used to desensitize them to the acts in which they will be forced to engage. Quite literally, porn feeds human trafficking and human trafficking feeds porn. [27]

The argument that porn is nothing new—that it’s been around forever and never caused any great harm—seems pretty silly when you think about how different today’s porn is from anything that existed before. Porn is incomparably more accessible, more widespread, and more extreme than anything that existed even a generation ago. Those centerfold magazines that were passed around among youth in previous generations were nothing compared to what youth have access to today, [28] and the consequences of looking today go far beyond young people hoping their parents don’t find out.

The good news is that in response to the unprecedented spread of pornography there are an unprecedented number of resources and people who want to help, whether by spreading facts about pornography or helping those who feel caught in its undertow. Today’s pornography is a new phenomenon, unlike anything humankind has ever seen, but the things that can push porn back are as old as humanity itself: wisdom, vigilance, and a commitment to real love.

Citations

[1] Brown, T. M., & Fee, E. (2003). Alfred C. Kinsey: A Pioneer Of Sex Research. American Journal Of Public Health 93(6), 896-897. Retrieved From Ncbi.Nlm.Nih.Go..cles/PMC1447862

[2] Mestel, R. (2004, November 15). The Kinsey Effect. Los Angeles Times. Retrieved From Articles.Latime..lth/He-Kinsey15

[3] Kalman, T.P. (2008). Clinical Encounters With Internet Pornography. Journal Of The American Academy Of Psychoanalysis And Dynamic Psychiatry, 36(4) 593-618. Doi:10.1521/Jaap.2008.36.4.593; McAline, D. (2001). Interview On American Porn. Frontline, PBS, August.

[4] Layden, M. A. (2010). Pornography And Violence: A New Look At The Research. In J. Stoner & D. Hughes (Eds.) The Social Costs Of Pornography: A Collection Of Papers (Pp. 57–68). Princeton, NJ: Witherspoon Institute; Kalman, T.P. (2008). Clinical Encounters With Internet Pornography. Journal Of The American Academy Of Psychoanalysis And Dynamic Psychiatry, 36(4) 593-618. Doi:10.1521/Jaap.2008.36.4.593;

[5] Paul, P. (2007). Pornified: How Pornography Is Transforming Our Lives, Our Relationships, And Our Families. New York: Henry Hold & Co., 3; McCarthy, B. W. (2002). The Wife’s Role In Facilitating Recovery From Male Compulsive Sexual Behavior. Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity 9, 4: 275–84. Doi:10.1080/10720160216045; Schneider, J. P. (2000). Effects Of Cybersex Addiction On The Family: Results Of A Survey. Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity, 7(1-2), 31–58. Retrieved From Jenniferschneid..sex_family.Html

[6] Websense Research Shows Online Pornography Sites Continue Strong Growth. (2004). PRNewswire.Com, April 4.

[7] Porn More Popular Than Search. (2004). InternetWeek.Com, June 4.

[8] Negash, S., Van Ness Sheppard, N., Lambert, N. M., & Fincham, F. D. (2016). Trading Later Rewards For Current Pleasure: Pornography Consumption And Delay Discounting. Journal Of Sex Research, 53(6), 689-700. Doi:10.1080/00224499.2015.1025123; Porn Sites Get More Visitors Each Month Than Netflix, Amazon, & Twitter Combined. (2013, May 4). Huffington Post. Retrieved From Huffingtonpost..._n_3187682.Html

[9] DeKeseredy, W. (2015). Critical Criminological Understandings Of Adult Pornography And Women Abuse: New Progressive Directions In Research And Theory. International Journal For Crime, Justice, And Social Democracy, 4(4) 4-21. Doi:10.5204/Ijcjsd.V4i4.184

[10] Woods, J. (2012). Jamie Is 13 And Hasn’t Even Kissed A Girl. But He’s Now On The Sex Offender Register After Online Porn Warped His Mind. Daily Mail (U.K.), April 25.

[11] Doidge, N. (2007). The Brain That Changes Itself. New York: Penguin Books.

[12] DeKeseredy, W. (2015). Critical Criminological Understandings Of Adult Pornography And Women Abuse: New Progressive Directions In Research And Theory. International Journal For Crime, Justice, And Social Democracy, 4(4) 4-21. Doi:10.5204/Ijcjsd.V4i4.184

[13] Doidge, N. (2007). The Brain That Changes Itself. New York: Penguin Books.

[14] Caro, M. (2004). The New Skin Trade. Chicago Tribune, September 19.

[15] Kunkel, D., Eyal, K., Finnerty, K., Biely, E., And Donnerstein, E. (2005). Sex On TV 4. Menlo Park, CA: The Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation.

[16] Peter, J. And Valkenburg, P. M. (2007). Adolescents’ Exposure To A Sexualized Media Environment And Their Notions Of Women As Sex Objects. Sex Roles 56,(5-6), Doi:381–95.10.1007/S11199-006-9176-Y

[17] Peter, J. & Valkenburg, P. M., (2016) Adolescents And Pornography: A Review Of 20 Years Of Research. Journal Of Sex Research, 53(4-5), 509-531. Doi:10.1080/00224499.2016.1143441; Rothman, E. F., Kaczmarsky, C., Burke, N., Jansen, E., & Baughman, A. (2015). “Without Porn…I Wouldn’t Know Half The Things I Know Now”: A Qualitative Study Of Pornography Use Among A Sample Of Urban, Low-Income, Black And Hispanic Youth. Journal Of Sex Research, 52(7), 736-746. Doi:10.1080/00224499.2014.960908; Paul, P. (2010). From Pornography To Porno To Porn: How Porn Became The Norm. In J. Stoner & D. Hughes (Eds.) The Social Costs Of Pornography: A Collection Of Papers (Pp. 3–20). Princeton, N.J.: Witherspoon Institute; Carroll, J. S., Padilla-Walker, L. M., And Nelson, L. J. (2008). Generation XXX: Pornography Acceptance And Use Among Emerging Adults. Journal Of Adolescent Research, 23(1), 6–30. Doi:10.1177/0743558407306348

[18] Bridges, A. J. (2010). Pornography’s Effect On Interpersonal Relationships. In J. Stoner And D. Hughes (Eds.) The Social Costs Of Pornography: A Collection Of Papers (Pp. 89-110). Princeton, NJ: Witherspoon Institute; Paul, P. (2010). From Pornography To Porno To Porn: How Porn Became The Norm. In J. Stoner And D. Hughes (Eds.) The Social Costs Of Pornography: A Collection Of Papers (Pp. 3–20). Princeton, N.J.: Witherspoon Institute; Doidge, N. (2007). The Brain That Changes Itself. New York: Penguin Books, 102; Caro, M. (2004). The New Skin Trade. Chicago Tribune, September 19.

[19] Paul, P. (2010). From Pornography To Porno To Porn: How Porn Became The Norm. In J. Stoner And D. Hughes (Eds.) The Social Costs Of Pornography: A Collection Of Papers (Pp. 3–20). Princeton, N.J.: Witherspoon Institute.

[20] Paul, P. (2010). From Pornography To Porno To Porn: How Porn Became The Norm. In J. Stoner And D. Hughes (Eds.) The Social Costs Of Pornography: A Collection Of Papers (Pp. 3–20). Princeton, N.J.: Witherspoon Institute.

[21] Bridges, A. J. (2010). Pornography’s Effect On Interpersonal Relationships. In J. Stoner And D. Hughes (Eds.) The Social Costs Of Pornography: A Collection Of Papers (Pp. 89-110). Princeton, NJ: Witherspoon Institute.

[22] Rothman, E. F., Kaczmarsky, C., Burke, N., Jansen, E., & Baughman, A. (2015). “Without Porn…I Wouldn’t Know Half The Things I Know Now”: A Qualitative Study Of Pornography Use Among A Sample Of Urban, Low-Income, Black And Hispanic Youth. Journal Of Sex Research, 52(7), 736-746. Doi:10.1080/00224499.2014.960908

[23] University Of New England, “Human Sex Trafficking: An Online Epidemic #Infographic” (2015). Retreived By Visualistan.Com..e-Epidemic.Html

[24] Thorn, “A Report On The Use Of Technology To Recruit, Groom, And Sell Domestic Minor Sex Trafficking Victim (2015). Retrieved From Wearethorn.Org/..r_Survey_r5.Pdf

[25] Trafficking Victims Protection Act (TVPA) Of 2000. Pub. L. No. 106-386, Section 103 (8) (A).

[26] Countryman-Roswurm, Karen (2017). Primed For Perpetration: Porn And The Perpetuation Of Sex Trafficking. Guest Blog For FTND, Retrieved From Fightthenewdrug..ing-Pornography

[27] Dr. Karen Countryman-Roswurm, LMSW, Ph.D. Interview || Truth About Porn [Video File]. (2016, December 28). Retrieved From Vimeo.Com/190317258

[28] Price, J., Patterson, R., Regnerus, M., & Walley, J. (2016). How Much More XXX Is Generation X Consuming? Evidence Of Changing Attitudes And Behaviors Related To Pornography Since 1973. Journal Of Sex Research, 53(1), 12-20. Doi:10.1080/00224499.2014.1003773

#porn's harm is changing fast

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reecedarlene · 6 years

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4/20/2018 - After work, a friend I’m getting closer every day with (by bonding over our toxic relationships with our mothers) came to visit from out of state. We met, went out to dinner, and I stayed out from 5:30 pm to 9:00 pm (sorry to our waitress)

Then after getting home I played on my Playstation 4 until about 11 pm when my ex who recently found some of my childhood books that apparently have been in the trunk of his car for the last year and a half since we broke up. I drove over to his house, not knowing just how large the box was. After retrieving my beloved Animorphs books, we talked. We talked about everything, good and bad, our lives now, our lives before when we were together, and it was midnight. So he asked if I just wanted to go get coffee, he’d drive, he’d pay (I didn’t bring my purse he literally lives 20 feet from my apartment). So we went to get coffee, it was casual, it was safe, but I knew it was inappropriate. I couldn’t help it, I’m so fed up with my current boyfriend and it doesn’t matter how many times I try to leave him he just won’t go... I got home that night at 3 am

4/21/2018 - I had set an alarm the previous night to get up at 9 am because of a “$5 a Bag” booksale at the local library. The alarm went off, and even though I am usually ecstatic on weekends when the boyfriend isn’t there because it means I can do whatever I want without having him checking in on me and being upset I’m not spending time with him. But that 9 am alarm went off and I was Just So Tired.

I woke up feeling exhausted, conflicted, and overwhelmed. Like a 25 year old failure for sitting in this 2-bedroom apartment I can barely afford and do not need, with more debt than I can manage, in a relationship with someone who doesn’t love me or respect me enough to Just Get A Job, and I just didn’t want to get out of bed. But I knew if I didn’t get out of bed, if I just laid there and put on Friends reruns and stayed under my soft blanket - I’d hate myself.

So I got out of bed. I put on a Boy Meets World T-shirt, and brushed my hair, and I went to the book sale. I had other plans that day, too. Meeting with a friend for Bubble Tea, going thrift shopping, it was a day filled with all of my favorite things. But even as I was skimming through book spines I wanted to go home. I was waiting for a text from my - notoriously flaky - friend saying “So sorry, girl, but I’m so busy, I can’t do Bubble Tea today” but it didn’t come. Instead I got text from my boyfriend, complaining that his friends “value the Magic Card Game more than his friendship, that he wants to just come back tonight, that he hates being away from me, that he hates being around his mom, hates his fake friends, hates everything”.

“I’m sorry :( “ I texted back because what can I say? What can I do? I can’t fix what’s wrong, I can’t fix how he feels, I barely got out of bed this morning. So I filled my bag, I paid my $5, the guy who accepting my cash tried to goad me into buying more books but I know in my heart, I shouldn’t have even bought these books seeing as how I have books I bought in 2003 I still haven’t gotten around to reading...

I got in my car, and it was a beautiful spring day. 60 degrees in Michigan, no rain clouds, no threat of snow, the sun was out, there was a breeze, you could keep all the car windows down. A day like this would usually make me so happy. But I checked my phone again, still hoping for a cancellation text. “Hey, girl, what time are we meeting?” “Is 2:00 too late?” “No that’s fine :) “ The clock read 11:45 am.

So I texted another friend, a friend in a volatile relationship, a friend who’s kids I had found books at the sale for anyway, so I texted her “Hey, can I swing by for a few? Just to drop off books and kill some time?” “Absolutely I’ll be home in 10″. So I went, spent 2 hours talking to her, her husband, her kids, and petting her Australian Shepard.

A third friend texted “What are you doing today?” “Meeting for Bubble Tea at 2″ “Can I come?” “Sure! Pick you up at 1:45″ This might seem insane, already I’ve socialized with 6 people in a 24 period of time but this is me, this is my element, and usually I’d be so excited but I still just want to go home, get back under my covers, order in food, and ignore the Friends reruns on Netflix.

I pick up the friend, I drive to the city where the Bubble Tea is sold, and the friend I’d been waiting on all day to cancel plans says “I’m running behind but I’ll be there.” So we sat in my car for an hour, windows, down, talking about all that’s wrong in our lives so that by the time the friend I initially made these plans with shows up, I’m talked out. But I still want Bubble Tea, so we still go in, we order, we talk until 5:00 pm

Flaky friend and I had planned to go thrift shopping, but now she’s saying she’s going to her mom’s after tea to go watch The Greatest Showman. I don’t complain, because I expected something like this, and the other friend is with me anyway so we’ll just go like we always do anyhow. So we say our goodbyes after continuing to talk outside for 30 minutes. Then the friend I picked up and I go out to eat, go to a few stores, and I finally get to go to bed without feeling guilty - 9:00 pm.

But when I walk in the door, I remember...the cat needs wet food today, and the rats’ cage needs cleaning which I tell myself I’ll do tomorrow, I need to go pick up my birth control, I tell myself I’ll do that tomorrow, I need to do laundry - I’m 3 weeks deep and I’m out of underwear and clean pants. I know that if I don’t do my laundry tonight there’s a really solid chance I won’t do it tomorrow...so I start laundry. I tell myself I’m being smart. My apartment building has 3 washing machines and 3 dryers, if I just haul down all of my clothes I can certainly get 3 loads done in 2 hours and it’ll only be 11:00 pm and I can feel good knowing it’s done.

After I put soap and clothes in all three washers I realize...one of the washers is jammed and won’t accept quarters. So my single cycle plan turned into two cycles because the clothes are already soapy and down there. I finish laundry, washed, dried, folded, and put away at 1:00 am

4/22/2018 - Sunday morning, with no alarms, I wake up at 9:30 a.m. I have a "Good morning” text from my boyfriend. I know that if I check Facebook and the “Active” sign lights up and I don’t text him he’ll ask too many questions about why I didn’t text him when I first woke up. “Good morning, how’d you sleep?” “Like shit. You?” “Ok I guess.” “When is your friend coming over?” “IDK she’s spending time with her grandma first.” “Oh, okay. I guess my friends are coming. No one said anything to me. I’m pissed. I don’t want them here.” “I’m sorry. I just texted my friend, guess she’ll be here at 2″ “Cool”

He stopped texting for a while, which I was thankful for. I knew I didn’t have anything I had to do until 2 pm. So I didn’t get out of bed. I didn’t even get up to pet the cat, see the rats, check their food or water, I just turned on Friends reruns and let myself fall naturally in and out of consciousness. Around 11 pm another text came through “How are you baby?” “Fine. You?” “Okay, bored.” “I”m sorry”

I knew I had to get up, I told myself I’d clean the rats’ cage today. It wouldn’t be fair to let it go a 3rd week because I’m depressed and don’t want to do it. So I got up, I put the rats in their play pen, I changed their bedding, wiped down their cage, replaced some fleece covering the wire platforms, moved things around, fresh food, fresh water, and put them back in their homes. I cleaned the cat’s litter box, put in new litter, gave her wet food and fresh water. Washed my hands and decided to reward my efforts with Wendy’s.

So I changed my clothes, even put on a bra, but no socks, and drove the 8 minute round trip to Wendy’s for chicken sandwiches and fruit tea. I brought my reward back to bed. I checked my phone, hoping my friend would be too tired to come over after seeing her grandma, too busy, too much to finish on a Sunday. She didn’t. So after I ate I just laid back down in bed and waited until 1:30 pm when I did get a text. “Done early! Can I be there in ten?” “Sure :) “ and I finally got up and went to sit on the couch for the first time all day.

It was good that she came, we talked, caught up on the months it’d been since we’d seen each other. I didn’t know how long she’d stay, when 8 pm rolled around I was surprised. I was trying to hold out until 10 pm so I could suggest going to Applebee’s for half off appetizers since I hadn’t ate since noon. Around 8:30 I get a call from another set of friends asking if I wanted extra company and a surprise. I didn’t really...but my curiosity got the best of me, since the friend refused to tell me who the surprise guests would be.

When they got there, with a Monster Energy I requested, I saw a friend I hadn’t seen in person since 2009. I was so excited to see him, and his husband, and everyone else. My apartment felt full and homey and good. But there was still this part of me that wanted to go to bed. But I pushed through like I’d been doing all weekend, because I was also so very excited to see this person who lives out of state who I very well may never see again. We all talked, caught up, reminisced. The friend who had been there since 2 stayed far later than even she had intended. Suddenly it was midnight and of course everyone was tired and worn out and it was time to go. The first friend stayed a little while longer, I wasn’t trying to push her out the door, but then it was 1:00 am and we both knew we’d regret being up any later.

I didn’t mention to my boyfriend a few things this weekend. I didn’t mention my ex. I know he’d have told me to forget the books, that seeing my ex wasn’t worth it, that I’d be disrespecting him. Maybe he’s right, maybe that’s a fair assessment but I just didn’t care. And I didn’t want to fight about it. I didn’t tell him my friend tagged along for Bubble Tea. It’s harmless, but he always acts - strange - when I don’t tell him every detail of what happens when he’s not around. I didn’t tell him 4 more people showed up at my apartment Sunday night. For the same reason as above but also 2 of the people are in a homosexual relationship, which shouldn’t mean anything, but it does to him. Or he’d say, gay or not, there were 2 “strange” men in my apartment when he wasn’t there. And even more, one of those men is transgender. He’d have so much to say. And that on top of all of his already hateful texts to me about his own true friends. I just didn’t want the fight. And even if it shouldn’t be a fight, it would become one and I was just so tired.

But since I was lying by omission...I had to clean the apartment. Put away extra chairs and games pulled out for the bigger group. Hide all evidence of there being more than one visitor that day. Because I just didn’t want the hassle of him questioning things when he came back the next day.

I finally got to bed at 3 am. The excitement having worn off, and just being so fucking thankful to have a nice cool bed with a nice soft blanket to get into after this weekend. Wishing there was some way to stop 8 am from coming.

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soul-music-is-life · 6 years

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Thoughts While Watching PLL “The Darkest Knight”

Being that this is a midseason finale, this one got long...

1) I love it when Mona is included in the group plots.

2) Spencer: “I think my friend has been abducted.” *cut to Hanna torturing Noel* I fucking love this show.

3) Hanna about to cut a bitch.

4) Fury: “I don’t know how much of a threat a blind girl can be.” Me: *laughs in hysterics*

5) Of course Hanna calls Mona for help. BROTP.

6) When Alison said she was nauseated I immediately knew why.

7) Ali all jealous of Emily and Paige. It’s so perfect.

8) Mona is back to coaching Hanna on how to lie to the cops. My bae.

9) Hanna, your friends ain’t buying the fertilizer you’re selling.

10) Jenna vs Mona is always entertaining.

11) Hanna: “You are a real pain in the ass.” Caleb: “So are you!” Me: “Awww, true love.”

12) HALEB KISS!!

13) What would a good soap opera be without a shocking pregnancy?

14) “I’ve been late before, but it was a false alarm.” Throwback to the “Ali was pregnant when she was killed” storyline.

15) Emily: “Is it Archer’s?” Ali: “What? You think I’m a ho?”

16) Honestly, when I hear Shay Mitchell say “it’s going to be okay” I actually believe things will be okay.

17) Okay, so I know that Haleb is going full on sex scene and everything, but why do I feel like the Emison scene with the two of them cuddled on the couch is more intimate?

18) That news footage of Nicole and Ezra was like a knife in the gut.

19) “Spencer” isn’t wearing her Spencer necklace when she goes to talk to Toby and asks to kiss him. Why didn’t people notice this?

20) Toby was with Spencer for how many years and he can’t tell that’s not her? Stop thinking with your dick, bro.

21) “I just need to drop something off for my girlfriend.” Umm, Paige, Emily isn’t your girlfriend.

22) When did they even find the time to record lengthy conversations on a tape to fool the cops into thinking they were really in the house when they snuck out?

23) “You did remember to like…water and feed him, right?” Lmfao, Aria talking about Noel like he’s a hamster or some shit.

24) Jenna and Noel in that blind school like, “Let’s play a game…”

25) How did you just leave your phone upstairs, Emily? Did you take it out and put it down at some point? Girl, just brick the old one and buy a new one.

26) Oh, look, they’re splitting up. Marvelous idea.

27) Noel: “You can run, but you can’t hide.” Hanna and Emily: *literally hide*

28) Aria: “Text Emily.” Me: “Yes, text the person who does not have her phone.”

29) Hanna: *grunts loudly before she hits Noel* Me: “Way to sneak up on someone.”

30) Oh, Noel, don’t get AHEAD of yourself.

31) I always wondered when one of the OG PLL’s was gonna get shot. Only took them 7 seasons.

32) But I was actually surprised at who got shot, because I legit thought that Jenna was going to shoot at Ali and Emily was going to take the bullet because she knew Ali was pregnant.

33) I still don’t get why Jenna wanted to kill Spencer “for Charlotte”. We never got that resolution, did we?

34) “I’m your mother.” Dun-dun-dun

35) Drive much, Toby?

Note: For all my readers keeping up with Matters of the Heart I had planned on updating tonight, but Fanfic.net is being a pill. Hoping to have it up for you guys soon.

#Pretty Little Liars #PLL #Hanna Marin #Emily Fields #Alison DiLaurentis #Spencer Hastings #Aria Montgomery #Caleb Rivers #Toby Cavanaugh #Haleb #Emison #Jenna Marshall #Noel Kahn #Mona Vanderwaal #Shay Mitchell #Matters of the Heart

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dontjudgemeimawriter · 6 years

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Happy Holigays

Second Day of Gay

For the writing event on (my/and other’s blog) @yourbookcouldbegayer (I’m Mod Emma)

December 22, 1941

Logan sat cross-legged in the middle of the empty room, the room that would soon become their living room. Maera had taken a lamp from her room and set it up on the floor. She was in the kitchen now, and every couple minutes Logan heard her groan. They stayed where they were, leaning back on their elbows, too tired from the full day of working on the house to get up. It was cold, freezing even, and Logan was only wearing a sweater over a button-down shirt. Their coat was fairly warm, but it didn’t seem right to wear a coat indoors. Besides, they’d just been working hard, and the cool air wasn’t as frigid as it had seen when they’d first arrived that morning.

Maera came out of the kitchen, crossing the room, rubbing her hands together. She had a scarf bundled around her. “How are we goin’ to heat the place?” she said, moving over to the radiator and fiddling with it.

“We could insulate. Tape somethin’ over the windows,” Logan suggested, but they didn’t really worry about it. They didn’t expect the place to be livable until spring, so by next winter they’d either have this all sorted out or have failed.

“Over the boards?” Maera asked, touching the wooden planks covering the windows, letting a small bit of white light through. She leaned down to look at them, then said, “It’s white out there.”

“It’s the middle of winter,” Logan said.

“Um, no ’s not, we just had th’ Yule celebration last night, it’s the beginning,” Maera said, crossing from the window to the front door.

Only yesterday Logan had been sitting in his parent’s house, on the phone with Maera as she talked about the Napellus Coven’s Yuletide celebration with delicious food, tarot readings, games, and fun spells, while their family sat around the altar and did a guided meditation, an activity Logan got tired of when their mother started talking about masculine energies. Only yesterday they’d drawn Maera’s Yuletide sigil on their hand and had their mother pulled them into the bathroom to scrub it away with soap that smelled like pine trees.

“Holy mackerel,” Maera exclaimed, which made Logan look towards her. “Hot mac-and-motha’-o-cheese,” she continued with one of their friend Winnie’s favorite phrases, which made Logan miss Winnie briefly before they stood up and took a few steps forward, but Maera had already closed the door.

Logan walked up next to her. “What?”

Maera opened the door again, slowly. The hollow shriek of heavy winds was couples with nothing but darkness and a fuzzy white flurry of indistinct movement, the freezing air making its way in to blow on Logan like a fan, carrying about a million snowflakes in with it to spay over Logan’s face and shoulders. Maera shut the door quickly. “It’s blizzardin’ out there,” she said, shutting it tight and stepping away, wiping snow off her face and hair. Logan stepped over to wear they’d left their coat and wiped themselves off with it before putting it on, and Maera followed suit.

“How deep is it?” Logan asked, not wanting to risk opening that door again.

Maera gave them a we-are-not-going-outside look before saying, “Probably like two feet. We ain’t leavin’ until it stops.”

“I know,” Logan said. “But… it’s freezin’ here, and we got nothin’, and I’m supposed to be home by nine thirty, there’s no phone here how do I…”

“Relax, they’ll understand you’re snowed in,” Maera said, but Logan wasn’t so sure and she seemed to have ignored the other issue.

“I don’t know, Maera,” Logan said, rubbing their hands against their jacket pockets.

Maera sighed and moved away from the entranceway. “Well, there’s nothing we can do about it, can we? We’re snowed in.”

—

They’d found a couch underneath a furniture cover, had collected any other furniture covers they’d found, a towel, a curtain, and some wall insulation around them. Logan was laying horizontal on the couch, their head on Maera’s shoulder, Maera’s coat partially wrapped around both of them. It had been nearly an hour and the snow still came down strong.

“This better be pretty when it stops,” Maera muttered, staring off at the window. Her teeth chattered. Logan knew their nose and cheeks were bright red, not the most flattering underneath their bright red hair and sea of freckles. Maera’s hand on Logan’s arm was freezing but they didn’t mind too much.

Maera sighed heavily. “What kind of witches are we if we don’t bring candles everywhere?” she said, and Logan smiled but was too distracted to laugh, and since Maera couldn’t see their face the smile meant nothing.

Imagine if my parents walked in on us like this,” Logan said finally, to fill the silence. They expected that to be something she’d laugh at, but instead, she changed position so she was facing them and likely halfway off the couch.

“Stop thinking about them. You’ll be okay. You got snowed in, they’ll have to understand.”

That was what Logan had been worrying about. They sighed and pulled Maera’s scarf to their nose to warm it. “I’m not supposed to be here, though.”

Maera shrugged. “Say you were at my house.”

Lodgan shook their head. “They won’t like that.”

Maera looked mock-offended. “Why?”

“Because you’re a girl and we hang out so much, because they think I’m a boy, because you’re black, because they don’t like when you draw sigils on my arm, because they don’t like the embrace-yourself nature of Nepellus and your moms, because they don’t get your moms, because it’s this huge house that’s practically a mansion, and because it probably has a phone and there isn’t one here and why haven’t I called?”

Maera shrugged. “Say the lines were down.”

Logan almost laughed in frustration. “There was a lot of other stuff.”

Maera’s smile disappeared. “I know, Logan, but we can’t do anything about that stuff, can we? They’re not changing their minds.” She found Logan’s hand and wrapped hers around it. “That’s why we’re here. That’s why we’re going to live here. Make our own life.”

Logan smiled at that, and couldn’t help but hope it would be that. That they and Maera would live here together forever, with sigils and spices and candles and whatever type of magick they wanted to do and whatever they wanted to do. And they hoped their parents would let them. And that Maera would be happy here. And that Maera wasn’t expecting anything more from it. And they could be who they wanted to be. And that everything really would be okay. Even if they weren’t sure if those hopes were nothing to worry about or hoping for too much.

“Why are you?” Logan asked. “I mean, you love your moms, and you have a huge nice house, and you love Cassia and Napellus…”

Maera’s grip loosened and her eyes flicked away. “You know,” she said softly.

“But your life seems fine,” Logan said. “You’re free to do whatever there, aren’t you?”

“I want to do my own thing,” Maera said. “And I want to do it with you.”

Logan smiled at that. It was still freezing, but they didn’t mind it so much. They liked being here, talking to Maera. Somehow she made things simpler.

“I got something for you,” she said softly, shifting position and pulling something from her coat pocket. Her jar of ink and brush. She smiled. “Want some spells?”

“Sure,” Logan said, forgetting what their parents would say if they did. Maera worked carefully since they weren’t in the most sturdy position, and the ink on Logan’s skin felt like it was going to freeze.

“For warmth,” Maera said, finishing the first intricate design on Logan’s collarbone and moving on to a new one on their hand. “For your parents not worrying,” She drew the final one on their cheek. “And for not worrying too much. And don’t worry, it’ll wash off.”

Logan smiled. “Thank you,” they said, and they did feel warmer and calmer. Maera closed the container and set it down on the ground, and they returned to the position they’d been in before with Logan leaning on Maera’s shoulder, and Maera watching the snow fall.

#immortal souls #not part of the main story in fact if you're actually following it here you're probably lost i don't remember if i've introduced logan i mi #might be spoiling stuff #but oh well #maera #logan #logan is bigender and uses they/them

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liaragaming · 6 years

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Uncommon OC Questions, P2

Read part 1.

Continuing the character exercises to flesh out Inan Lavellan, Abigail Hawke, and Liara Tabris. I passed about a handful of these, but still a good questionnaire. Original meme can be found here.

1. A little-known talent of your OC?

Inan – Blackwall teaches her how to whittle one-handed after Trespasser. She makes lots of little wooden halla’s.

Abigail – She is very good with children, like so amazing. She was always looking after her younger siblings, and she just has a way with kids.

Liara – Leliana has told her she’s very graceful, like a dancer even though she’s had no training.

2. What trait does your OC like best about themself? (Eyes, guitar skills, random bird facts, etc)

Inan – likes her eyes and loves being a mage

Abigail – she enjoys looking good – putting on make up, styling her hair, mix and matching her wardrobe. Liara – she likes her hair and her knife skills. She’s very proud she taught herself.

3. How many pillows does your OC sleep with?

Inan – one

Abigail – so many

Liara – sometimes none, though she’s been assured that’s not good for her.

4. Is your OC good at keeping secrets?

Inan – if she feels it’s justified.

Abigail – she can keep them, but she’d rather no one came to her with them. She just doesn’t want to have to deal with it.

Liara – she is terrible at it.

5. Your OC's worst habit?

Inan – she ignores her own needs/wants to a detriment.

Abigail – beats herself up over the people she couldn’t save.

Liara – undervalues herself.

6. Does your OC prefer tennis shoes/sneakers or flip flops?

All: prefer comfortable, hardy boots that they can do their work in, though Abigail appreciates it when she can find ones that are functional and look nice.

7. What is your OC's opinion on body modifications?

All: I mean… sure? If you’re into that.

8. Your OC is given a full-ride scholarship to any college they could want to go to. Where do they go and what do they major in?

Inan – would learn everything she could about lost elven culture or history. Probably study in Tevinter.

Abigail – would have Fenris pick a subject so he could learn something new about something he’s interested in through her. Does matter where.

Liara – dance in Val Royeaux

9. What chore does your OC hate the most?

Inan – meeting dignitaries

Abigail – laundry

Liara – fighting darkspawn

10. Would your OC prefer to live in the city, the suburbs, or the country?

Inan – in the forest or among ancient ruins. Someplace with mysticism and history.

Abigail – she has grown to love the city

Liara – in the country, somewhere quiet and secluded where she and Leliana can live out their lives in peace.

11. Is your OC a blanket hog?

Inan – absolutely

Abagail – both her and Fenris hog the covers, so their nights end up in an unconscious tug of war.

Liara: No

12. Would your OC play by the rules in a fight or take cheap shots?

Inan: “What’s at stake in this fight?”

Abagail: “I can play by the rules so long as my opponent does the same.”

Liara: “Of course I’d follow the rules.”

13. Does your OC have a widow 's peak?

pass

14. Happy birthday! What kind of present would your OC want?

Inan: An eluvian that leads straight to Solas.

Abagail: A quiet day at home with Fenris.

Liara: A day with Leliana.

15. Something that grosses your OC out?

Inan: walking throw a spider web

Abagail: dirty dish water

Liara: getting sprayed with blood.

16. Your OC is suddenly on an adventure! Where do they go and what do they do?

All: No adventures, please. Just a nice place to rest with the love of my life would be grand.

17. Is there a real person that looks like your OC?

I did a quick google search, and I found one I like for Liara.

18. Something that makes your OC laugh without fail?

Inan: all of her friends

Abigail: most of her friends

Liara: Alistair or Leliana

19. Something that makes your OC cry without fail?

Inan: thinking about what might befall Solas

Abigail: “Why would you ask such a fucking insensitive question? Kindly fuck off, please and thank you.”

Liara: thinking she’ll never be able to share her life with Leliana the way she wants.

20. An obscure/ridiculous fear your OC has?

Inan: has too many real fears to worry about ridiculous ones.

Abigail: waking up one day to find everyone she knows and loves are gone and it’s her fault.

Liara: talking to people

21. Does your OC have any type of disability, whether it be mental, physical, etc?

Inan: she loses half her arm

Abigail: none

Liara: none

22. Does your OC get frustrated when people forget to close the door behind themselves?

Inan: she’s not used to having door, so… no

Abigail: yes

Liara: whatever

23. What is your OC's first memory?

Inan: Looking into her Keeper’s eyes.

Abigail: Giggling as her father throws her into the air.

Liara: Running around her home in the alienage being chased by her parents.

24. Something you like that your OC would hate?

Inan: all the time I spend indoors at the computer

Abigail: all the layers I wear

Liara: pumpkin pie

25. Your OC is going into battle/on a mission! What song is their anthem?

pass

26. Does your OC have good or bad posture?

Inan: good

Abigail: bad

Liara: she has no idea

27. Most despicable thing your OC has ever done?

Inan: let Celene die to put Briala in power

Abigail: tbd

Liara: allowed Morrigan’s Dark Ritual

28. Is your OC a conspiracy theorist?

Inan: does “everything is set up against the elves” count?

Abigail: no

Liara: does “everything is set up against the elves” count?

29. Someone does something awful in front of your OC. How do they handle it?

Inan: threatens them with a fireball

Abigail: is ready to smack some sense into whoever she needs to.

Liara: pulls out her knives

30. What is your OC's favorite drink?

Inan: red wine and herbal tea.

Abigail: ales

Liara: tea

31. Does your OC prefer to sleep in a warm or cool area?

Inan: warm

Abigail: cool Liara: warm

32. Would your OC like you if they met you?

They are all self-inserts, so I hope so!

33. A song that reminds you of your OC?

Inan: “Titanium” post Trespasser

34. Is your OC a nail biter?

Inan: no

Abigail: no

Liara: yes

35. What is your OC's favorite quote?

pass

36. Your OC's favorite fashion era? (20's, 70's, etc)

pass

37. Does your OC get excited when they get mail?

All: as long as it’s personal mail and not save-the-world related.

38. Random thunderstorm! How does your OC react?

Inan: finds someplace she can watch

Abigail: Uses it as an excuse to spend some quiet time at home.

Liara: “Oh, great.” Looks for shelter.

39. A strange talent of your OC?

repeat question

40. Assuming your OC doesn't have them already, what superpower would they want? If they do already, would they change it, keep it, or get rid of it?

Inan: she wishes she knew more healing spells

Abigail: If there was some magic that could keep all her loved ones safe, that would be nice.

Liara: cure for the blight

41. Does your OC like/make puns?

All: don’t make them, but don’t mind them.

42. What kind of shampoo does your OC use?

Inan: uses an herbal tea-like concoction as a rinse.

Abigail: soaps from the city market.

Liara: on the road, there are plants the Grey Wardens have told her to use. If she can’t find them, she just uses water and a comb. Otherwise, Leliana usually has soap for her.

43. Your OC wakes up with a coin super glued to their forehead. How do they react?

Inan: sighs and goes to find Sera

Abigail: Half annoyed, half amused. “Okay, whose bright idea was this?”

Liara: starts freaking out that someone in her group doesn’t like her

44. Can your OC sleep if there's any kind of light?

Inan: actually prefers some kind of natural light, like the moon or stars.

Abigail: prefers total darkness, but rarely gets it. She sleeps all right regardless.

Liara: light doesn’t bother her at all, but she needs have some kind of noise going on, like crickets or snoring or people talking.

45. What kind of self-esteem does your OC have?

Inan: pretty high

Abigail: less than she puts off

Liara: low

46. A word that your OC can't stand?

pass

47. Does your OC fold their clothes, hang them up, or just leave them in the basket/dryer?

Inan: folds her clean clothes, and puts the dirty in a hamper.

Abigail: hangs clean clothes, leaves her worn clothes in a pile by her bed. Eventually, she goes through them and decides what’s dirty and what can be worn again, and throws the dirty stuff in a hamper.

Liara: on the road, she tries to keep her dirty and clean clothes separate in her pack. Sometimes they get mixed up and she just washes everything. When not the road, she can’t shake the habit of living out her pack, and Leliana eventually hangs them up for her.

48. Would society call your OC a good guy or a bad guy? What would they say they are?

Inan: really isn’t sure. She’s done some good things as Inquisitor. But considering she put Briala in power at Celene’s death, the events of the Conclave, and impending war with Solas… she isn’t certain how she’ll go down in history.

Abigail: She fought to protect her city. She wants to do good, but she’s sure there’s people who see her otherwise.

Liara: good guy.

49. Your OC's most prized possession?

Inan: Solas’ necklace.

Abigail: a lock of hair from Fenris.

Liara: a locket from Leliana.

50. What is your OC's happy place?

Inan – the atrium at skyhold

Abigail – relaxing in her bed

Liara – anywhere with Leliana

#my ocs #dragon age #abigail hawke #liara tabris #inan lavellan

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oh-beyond · 7 years

Text

The Postman AU - Part 2

Your parents tried to have children for years… They were desperate to conceive a child, almost gave up on the idea, until finally your mother got pregnant with you. Fragile child, born underweight and prematurely. You were the light of their eyes. Now you were a teenager and still treated you as if you were going to get broken. Homeschooled and trapped in your house. You didn’t need anything from the outside world.

Nothing. Until you saw the postman one day.

Postman AU/Angst/Fluff/Smut

Lay x reader

Masterlist

< Part 1 - Part 3 >

Summary: get to know the postman, and experience everything with him for the first time…

“Well? What is it? Are you like in big trouble? Tell me”

You just stood there watching him talk. The way he moved his lips as he directed words to you.

Heavenly.

“OK, you don’t want to tell me then I can’t help you” he continued.

This time he came closer, he run his fingers through his hair, and that was when you were ready to take your usual medicines for sudden fever.

He was causing it. It hurt but you didn’t want him to stop giving you that feeling of sudden temperature raising through your body.

You felt alive.

Alive like never before.

“Are you alright? Can you talk?”

Oh no you couldn’t, the ability to talk was gone, the ability to breathe was gone. But the need to touch him was still there.

“Hey! What’s wrong with you? Why are you acting so weird? You must really be in big trouble girl”

“___? ___! What are you doing here? Who is this? Get away from her! IMMEDIATELY!”

Your mom. But of course she wouldn’t give up looking for you, she came from outside right in the place where you stood, still next to the basement door.

“I am sorry samo-nim*, she didn’t do anything, it was me”

*Ma’am

Huh? What was he doing right now? Taking the blame for something blindly?

To save you?

“If you ever come near her again, I swear I will have you fired. Who are you anyways?”

“I am Zhang Yixing, the postman”

“Zhang- Yi- a foreigner of course… this country wouldn’t be going the way it is if-”

“Mother! Last time I checked you were a foreigner too, since when you have these ideas?”

“Great, now you disrespect me in front of the lower class”

“What lower class? Don’t talk like that”

But Yixing was having a breakdown of his own. He was used to be treated like that, nothing new… but you just called the lady of the house ‘mother’ he knew he would face consequences, he thought of what to do if fired.

“I am deeply sorry samo-nim. Please forgive my insolence. This will never happen again” he kneeled in front of your mother, hands on his knees “please samo-nim, I shall never do this again”

“Do what? Get up! What is wrong?” you asked disgusted of the situation, why was he even apologising?

“Mother? What did he do that he has to apologise for?”

“Is that blood I see!? There is blood in your hands ___!” exclaimed your mother now looking at Yixing pulling his chin upwards so she could direct her nasty words properly at him “fired won’t even satisfy me, what did you do to my daughter!? Answer me!?”

“I- samo-nim… nothing, she just bled”

“She just bled? Out of the blue? Listen boy, you are making this harder on yourself, let my husband hear about this and not only you will be fired he will make sure you never ever work again”

“Mom I fell! I fell and he helped me actually! You just jumped into conclusions and you are threatening him-”

“Stay away from her” she added before dragging you inside the house.

Yixing was still on his knees looking down, you looked back as your mother dragged you behind her, just in time when he lifted his head up slowly he locked eyes with you.

You expected him to be sad, mad, or at least hurt or upset. But none of that, he smiled. He smiled at you making that hole in his right cheek come to life again. Even tho he was smiling genuinely, you felt terrible. You said ‘sorry’ in silence and he understood reading your lips. He replied with a kind ‘don’t worry.’ He even waved at you as he stood up dusting his pants.

You had just met a real life angel.

You walked behind your mother, she went straight to your room, she closed the door behind you and started undressing you.

“What? What?”

“Shower! Now! Disinfect yourself, I can already see this, a week of fever and sleepless nights”

“If I get fever you don’t have to be awake, is not like it’s the first or the last time. I’m not going to die”

“Shut up! Don’t use that word ever again!”

“What word? Did I curse? You haven’t gotten used to this by now? I will shower alone, I am not a kid, stop worrying”

“You just talked to that filthy boy for a few minutes and look how you are already addressing me. You will never see him again, don’t you ever interact with that kind of people. Don’t talk to anyone, they are not clean and what if-”

“Mom! Stop! You are making me nervous, I will shower, now leave”

She kissed your forehead and patted at your shoulders before leaving the room. You couldn’t believe the whole incident, you were happy and your mother just ruined the moment.

You listened to her because you knew better. She was right, today you were exposed to too much dust, humidity, and you did scratch yourself. Precautions, because suddenly you didn’t want to be in bed sick.

For the first time you wanted to be healthy, pretty and ready for the postman’s visit.

You took that shower with your regular anti-bacterial shower gel. You had your routine when it came to personal hygiene. But for some reason as the soap residues pooled at your feet you wanted to try that roses shower cream your dad got you from Japan, the same one your mom scolded him for bringing it in the first place.

Your dad always got you the things you wanted, but apparently they were no good for you. He never got it right when it came to your mom agreeing to the presents. She always asked you to dispose of the ‘bad things’ as she called them, and the indulgent roses shower cream was one of them. What your mom didn’t know is that you had a secret hiding place in your room for all these things.

You tiptoed your way back to your room carefully wrapping a towel around you. You went into your big walk in wardrobe. Your father had put a little door that looked like a fairy door where you had all your forbidden stuff. It was full of creams and cosmetics that you weren’t allowed to use, only the hypoallergenic and unscented stuff. You grabbed the roses shower cream and off you went to try it.

As you squeezed the amazing product on the palm of your hand and the scent hit your nostrils there it was… what you long looked for ever since the water hit your warm body. What you read in your novels was so true…

You imagined Zhang Yixing, that angel you just met a few minutes ago…

You lathered yourself with the indulgent product closing your eyes, suddenly the image of his face was so clear, it was vividly felt… as if he were just there next to you… him touching your bare skin and not you.

And then you heard this weird sound that came out of your mouth that you didn’t really fully understood what it was. A satisfying moan that was 100% due to the extremely good looking postman.

You giggled and covered your mouth.

You were just like any other girl.

You really did have a crush on Yixing and you weren’t planning on letting it go.

~~~~~

“I tell you Changwook oppa, he was close to her and they were talking. That filthy postman! Do something!”

“What do you mean talking? Did he do anything to her?”

“He was- he was standing close, directing her words. And her hands had blood”

“Marie you are worrying me. Blood!?”

“Yes she fell and he helped her, so it means he touched her-“

“Marie for the love of God! I thought he did something to ___! You have to stop the way you relate to me the things that happen to our daughter, seriously!”

“But she- and he was-“

“How old is this postman?”

“Like about 22, 23. Why?”

“Is he handsome?”

“Changwook oppa! He is Chinese! And a filthy postman”

“Marie!” called your father firmly “I am going to ignore what you just said. However is very serious. Since when are you like this? I don’t recall. I am Korean, and your daughter is half Korean”

“No, that is not what I meant-“

“Stop it! I’ll go talk to her”

Your father walked very crossed at your mother, she was being a brat. She really had a rollercoaster of emotions of her own. When it was something concerning you she wasn’t coherent at all. And that is why your father let is pass, because he knew she was just worried sick as always.

When he opened the door to his bedroom you were standing there. You had heard everything, it hurt you as if your mother was attacking you on a personal level, you didn’t notice how much until your father wiped that tear that was running down your cheek.

“Honey”

“Huh?” you answered caught off guard.

“What’s with you?”

“Appa!” you buried your face on his chest.

The feeling of your father next to you was the only thing that kept you with hope. The only thing you looked forward to.

“What’s happening here?” asked your mom coming at the scene caused.

“Marie, please let us alone for a moment”

“Don’t make her more rebellious oppa”

“MARIE!”

Your mom huffed but finally left. Your father took you inside the bedroom walking towards the couch sitting next to you holding your hands.

“What hap-”

“I didn’t do anything, it’s her fault. I was with Ada in the kitchen and we were just talking and mom thought it was an inappropriate conversation and I lost it, and… he was there…”

“Who is he?”

“Appa you are sounding like her. Is not like I’m hiding a boyfriend. I wish!”

“You wish?” laughed your father.

“Appa!” you crossed your arms over your chest “it’s not funny”

“So tell me what happened”

“Nothing really, I was hiding, then I tripped on his bike and he helped me and then… appa he is so nice, and handsome, I’ve never seen anyone this nice”

“Wow, my daughter is all grown up, and knows about boys that are good looking. But hey, how do you know he is good looking, he’s the only boy you’ve seen”

“He is tho appa, better than any actor or singer or even model in magazines. His skin is smooth, and he has 2 holes in his cheeks and his eyebrows… and eyelashes”

“Easy, easy ___, slowly”

“So but can I see him? Can I appa? Please, I am here at home nothing will happen”

“___, you know I am your friend, so you need to hear my opinion”

“Sure”

“I know that this is just natural at your age, but you are also innocent and we don’t know who he is. We don’t know anything about him”

“Appa! He is the postman, I just want to talk to him. I’m not marrying him”

Oh but the sound of that was too inviting.

The following morning you got up happy, the happiest you’ve felt in a long time. You were energetic and full of life.

You washed your face and put on some nice simple polo baby blue polo dress. You brushed your hair and put a cute bow headband, you decorated your cheeks with a peachy colour blusher and some mascara, innocent yet eye-catching look. You might of been isolated from the outside world but you were an expert in makeup and a total fashionista thanks to your dad, that was your allowed hobby and your dad didn’t go cheap on you when it came to presents.

You rushed downstairs, the energy you felt, the happiness…

“___, where are you going?”

Not now…

“Hi mom, I want to see Ada”

“Don’t run”

“Alright”

You went straight into the small kitchen and the dinning area for the domestic workers, heading to the changing rooms. Ada was getting ready to clean the rooms as per usual.

“What are you doing here? Your mothe-” whispered Ada.

“Zhang Yixing. What do you know about him?”

“What? No I will get fired. I am ignoring you. And why do you looks so… nice today?”

“I will give you a box of my new make up collection dad got me. Please Ada unni. Tell me what you know”

“He is the postman, what else would I know?”

“That’s it?”

“He is Chinese”

“Wow… what a discovery. Come on unni~~~”

The back door knocked.

Hyunsung the driver went to open the door.

“I’LL GET THAT. THANK YOU HYUNSUNG AJUSSI” you exclaimed.

You cleared your throat straightening your dress before turning the door handle.

“The post- oh, good morning agassi” said a surprised Yixing to find you there.

“Hi, hi- mmm hi” you stuttered playing with your hair.

“Alright Hyunsung ajussi, didn’t you have to wash the car?” asked Ada winking at you.

“Yes that is true” Hyunsung drank the rest of his coffee in one go tapping on Yixing’s back before stepping outside.

Ada waved at you, and that is when you and Yixing were finally alone.

“Why- why is everyone leaving?”

You smiled at his worried look.

“Am I in trouble for yesterday? I apologise again, I shouldn’t had talked to you the way I did agassi”

“But don’t call me that, it sounds too distant, I’m ___. I should call you oppa”

“Oppa?”

“You are older so I should. Maybe gege, is that how you say it in Chinese?”

Yixing was thunderstruck…

“Yes gege for older brother”

“Ah no but oppa better then because is for all older males. You want me to call you oppa?”

“I- I- just came to deliver these letters. I need to go”

“Wait!” you exclaimed stopping him taking his hand in yours.

He knew you had absolutely zero experience in treating people. This was just too forward and naive.

“Agassi, please” he said taking back his hand.

“Don’t go, can you please stay for a while. Tell me how did you came here all the way from China? How old are you? Are you hungry? Do I look pretty today?”

Yixing’s eyes doubled in size. You were basically throwing yourself at him.

“Ye-yes you look pretty” he said almost whispering his eyes traveling further down to admire your dress and lanky legs.

“Really? Really really really oppa?” you asked again taking his hand jumping up and down.

He smiled overwhelmed, it was cute.

You then stopped jumping and started panting, you took long breaths and your eyes fluttered before your body started to give you signs of extreme tiredness. He held you from your waist, fanning your face.

“Agassi! Agassi! Are you alright?”

You opened your eyes and at the proximity of his face your felt it again. That inner tremble and the funny feeling in your stomach.

“You are just too hot oopa, I melted”

Yixing laughed smiling shyly. His face holes showing again.

“These holes are amazing” you innocently said placing your fingers over them.

“Agassi, I-”

“What are these?”

“Dimples, they are called dimples. But if samo-nim sees us like this, she won’t be happy” he added straightening you to stand “I’ll better go”

“Will you come tomorrow?”

“If there is mail, I will”

“And if there isn’t?”

“Then I won’t”

“Can’t you just come?”

“Why?”

“Because I want to see you”

“Agassi!”

“I’m ___, call me by my name”

“I can’t”

“Please”

Yixing nodded his head opening the door.

“Come tomorrow… please…. please please please, oppa~~~”

“Alright”

And that is how everyday you waited for Yixing for the past 4 days. He didn’t talk much but you loved how he didn’t miss a day.

“See you next week, there’s no mail on weekends”

“Tomorrow my mom will be going to town early”

“Oh so you are going with her”

“Pfff, I never got out of the house”

He stood quiet for a moment trying to understand “so I will see you next week?”

“I will be home alone oppa” you repeated.

Yixing gulped.

“Take me on your bike somewhere”

“Oh! No I can’t do that”

“Pretty please~~~ please”

“Agassi don’t- it could be bad for you, you don’t go out for a reason”

“Don’t call me that, ___, I’m ___, and you will take care of me, unless you don’t want”

“I want, but I am afraid for you”

You came closer whining like a spoiled little girl.

“Alright stop, don’t do that” he said shyly avoiding your gaze.

It was affecting him more than what he wanted to admit to himself.

“Thank you” you said going on your tiptoes, your face coming forward.

“What- wait-” he exclaimed before feeling your lips landing on his cheek “___!”

“What? I wanted to do that, these dimples are so irresistible”

His hand was feeling the place where you left your kiss, he blushed uncontrollably. Your calmness was yet to be explained, because it was unnatural that you were so chill about this whole situation, while Yixing was the one looking like a 5 year old kidnapped child.

“I like you oppa, a lot”

“What time tomorrow?” he asked bravely.

“She will be out at 10, and she is never back before 2″

“Dress warmly. See you tomorrow” he moved to leave.

“Oppa!”

He turned to face you again.

“I am going to kiss you everyday from now on”

Yixing didn’t argue and closed his eyes tightly, he then felt another kiss in his other cheek, slower this time, your lips didn’t move form his cheek for longer, your lips feeling more cushiony. The kiss was more meticulously given.

“___” he whispered “see you tomorrow, now please let me go” he added opening his eyes.

He knew he had to go, because it was getting difficult to move his legs forward. He indeed didn’t move after he begged almost to leave, he just scanned your face, he saw them little freckles you had on your cheeks, and without really thinking he moved your fringe to one side exposing your forehead. He leaned and kissed you there.

After that, he finally turned nervously and left.

You almost swooned, but the feeling gave you strength, looking forward for tomorrow.

~~~~~

“I’m going ___, Ada will be here if you need anything, you look a bit pale today don’t tire yourself, study in bed. I’ll just go buy some things, your father will be home tonight from Nagoya”

“Alright mom just go, I’m sleepy”

She left and asked Ada to keep you company. As soon as Ada entered you jumped out of bed.

“Make up Ada unni, loads, and a dress”

“But ___, you are riding on a bike, I think some jeans would be more appropriate”

“Mmmm, OK, help me choose”

You went into your walk in wardrobe and chose a cropped pink top and Ada chose a pair of grey skinny jeans and a cardigan.

You put them on and Ada brushed your hair into a high ponytail, following with a fuchsia lipstick and eyeshadow.

For the first time in your life you were putting extra effort in your appearance.

“I think he is here ___”

You rushed downstairs and opened the backdoor, he was leaning on his bike, wearing a beanie and a scarf almost as if hiding, his leg bouncing looking at his watch nervously. He looked at the door and saw you waving, he smiled to himself walking towards you.

“Good morning oppa!”

“Wow you look… too much”

“You don’t like it?” you asked disappointed.

“No no in the contrary… but where I’m taking you… it’s not-”

You looked through your bag and got out a pack of wipes “alright, how much is OK?” you asked giving him a wipe.

He took it and placed his hand on your shoulder bringing you close, he bit his tongue in concentration as he he wiped your lips slowly, carefully watching them bounce under his touch. He got extremely distracted. Suddenly his throat felt dry and he swallowed making you smile.

“What?”

“Nothing oppa, keep going”

“Close your eyes”

You did, and he carefully wiped the eyeshadow, finding himself wanting to feel your eyelashes too.

“You don’t need all this. You are naturally cute”

He didn’t realise that it came out loud, you opened your eyes holding onto his wrist.

“Thanks oppa, you are more beautiful tho”

“Alright we must go, now do a lower ponytail please”

You listened without argument, you took off the hair elastic as he watched you intensely redo the ponytail.

It was hypnotising him.

“Done!”

“Huh… yes”

He took off his beanie and put it in your head, he followed by wrapping his scarf around your neck. Finally taking your cardigan and placing it on your shoulders.

“I can’t believe I am doing this” he said looking at your face again.

You scrunched your nose feeling the warmth of his scarf “it smells so good”

You made him blush every time you spoke.

“Now put on your cardigan properly and close it, your-” he pointed down at your navel that was clearly showing.

You giggled and nodded.

“Ready!”

“Let’s go”

He sat on his bike motioning for you to sit in the rear back seat he had gotten the day before for you. You sat and held onto his shirt.

“Hold on tight” he announced before starting to pedal.

Your arms found their way and encircled tightly around his waist, he looked down watching your hands on his abdomen. He welcomed the feeling and smiled.

It was magical, everything… the surroundings of your own house that you’ve never seen this close. Yixing was making this possible for you.

Your father’s sheep around the field, the birds, the trees, the smell of real oxygen.

“Are you alright?”

“I am perfect. This is unreal, I’m so happy”

“This is your land, wait until I take you somewhere even better”

You looked behind and your house looked tiny in the horizon. Your head leaned on Yixing’s back extremely happy not wanting this ever to end. This was by far the best day of your life.

Yixing was also very happy knowing that he was the one that was providing you with your first experience outside the house.

Your first experience of everything really.

He felt privileged.

The landscape started to change and it almost felt like he was riding through a forest, suddenly a lake appearing before you. The sunbeams hitting the surface making it shine taking your breath away.

He stopped getting off, taking your hand leaving the bike next to a tree.

“You like it?”

“It’s- it’s amazing” you stated your mouth opening widely.

“Want to get closer?”

“Can we?”

“Sure! My friends and I come and swim here all the time”

“You have friends? I’d love to meet them”

“Ah no… these are guy friends, they’ll eat you up alive”

“Eat me?”

“Yeah you are too cute, and some of them are too flirty, I don’t want them to...”

You giggled covering your mouth.

He bent to get some pebbles “watch”

He started showing you his skills in stone skipping, you were so excited making him very confident, flashing you a smile every time he succeeded.

Your face stated to get really warm, you took off the beanie and the scarf going under the shadow of the tree.

“I think you overworked yourself today, I’m sorry ___, maybe we should head back?”

“No I’m loving this, just a little longer”

“Alright then let’s sit for a bit”

You sat under the tree leaning your back shoulder to shoulder, he sighed and looked at you, your cheeks too crimson for his liking.

“So I understand you suffer from a condition?”

“Can we not talk talk about it today?”

“I apologise. I shouldn’t-”

“No that’s not what I meant, I just prefer to talk about something nice. Not my condition today. Please”

“Alright” he smiled, his dimples coming to life again.

“Tell me what brings you here. What’s your story?”

“I was born in Changsha, the state of Hunan. I am an only child. I came here because I got a scholarship in medical school, I was the first in all Hunan, and I was accepted in Seoul University, but then my mother couldn’t keep sewing she had to stop because her sight. I had to send money so I dropped in my second year”

“I am sorry about your mother” you patted his shoulder “but you were going to be a doctor!?”

“Yeah but that is long forgotten. This job pays for my mother’s expenses and I am happy with that”

“How old are you?”

“I am 22″

“And you are?”

“I am- well but don’t freak out”

“What? Are you underage?”

“In a few months I’ll be 18″

“How many are a few?”

“Nine months?”

“No way! This is wrong! I’ll be accused of kidnap of a child”

“Yeah you are totally right. Let’s head back, but I saw this one pebble I’d like to take with me to remind me of this day. Please~~~”

“Alright, where?”

He got up helping you stand, you took off your shoes and cardigan and walked behind him.

“I think you need to take off you shoes, it’s right there at the edge”

He took his shoes off following your finger that pointed inside the water where it clearly looked deeper “where?” he asked.

“Right… THERE!” you exclaimed before pushing him, making him fall bottom down.

He got up turning to face you and before he could even react you jumped on him.

“I don’t want to go home yet” you stated encircling his neck.

“Well… now that we are wet, I guess we could take advantage of the unforeseen circumstances.”

__________________________

A/N: Thanks for reading, feedback always welcomed ^_^

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nikodraws · 7 years

Note

Answer all the oc questions about your problematic fav oc

I FUCKING DID IT DAMN YOU! Problematic fav is a hard since a large fraction of my characters are terrible trash babies. So I chose what I consider to be the worst boy I’ve ever made.

Caddy Baptis. A terrible thing spawned from making Anime Campaign characters

and this is too many questions! So I’ll just go till I just don’t have it in me to continue.

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?

Caddeford “Caddy” Baptis. Means literally nothing. Was originally gunna be for a different character but the name didn’t fit so I just kept it for later.

2. Do they have any titles? How did they get them?NOPE. He’s not that important.

3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory?

Caddy has no memories of anything that happened to him before his was 8! If you ask him his child hood was… Good?? His fond memories would be any of him and Nikki palling around the orphanage. A bad memory would probably be the brief moment in time the care takers at the orphanage attempted to separate Caddy and Nikki in an attempt to protect her from the violent dangerous child that has attached himself to her. It was short lived. Caddy’s horrible behavior got increasingly worse the longer he wasn’t allowed to carry Nikki around.

4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents?

Caddy has no memory of anything before he was 8. He was just found wondering around with a massive head wound, no memories, and no one looking for him.

5. Do they have any siblings? What’s their names? What is their relationship with them? Has their relationship changed since they were kids to adults?

Caddy has his “sister” Nikki baptis. They are not related. They were in the orphanage together and Caddy just ghosted her away in the night when he got too old to continue living there. Caddy loves the shit out of Nikki and the two are super dependent on each other. Caddy will do anything or maim anyone to keep Nikki in one peace and Nikki is the only one who can talk him down once he gets too worked up. She tends to just go along with any and all of his dangerous and illegal plans without question. She trusts him implicitly even though she knows his impulsive and dangerous. Nikki is one of only two people Caddy actually views as anything aside from being a game piece in his on going and ever escalating quest for dangerous thrills. The two are so emotionally dependent on eachother it’s questionable that if one would be able to function without the other.

6. What were they like at school? Did they enjoy it? Did they finish? What level of higher education did they reach? What subjects did they enjoy? Which did they hate?

Caddy never finished any schooling. Caddy often found school boring and a bored caddy is a dangerous Caddy. He would skip classes and get in fights on a regular basis. Caddy was good at Phys Ed since it gave him a temporary outlet for his energy. Everything else was a no-go. He was briefly in theater.

7. Did they have lots of friends as a child? Did they keep any of their childhood friends into adulthood?

Caddy had no friends besides Nikki as a kid. Due to their appearance and the tendency kids have to be shitty he started out a victim if ridicule and quickly became feared when he badly injured another child. He and Nikki are still very close.

8. Did they have pets as a child? Do they have pets as an adult? Do they like animals?

No.

9. Do animals like them? Do they get on well with animals?

No.

10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do they have or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as a godparent/babysitter/ect?

No.

11. Do they have any special diet requirements? Are they a vegetarian? Vegan? Have any allergies?

Nope.

12. What is their favourite food?

Caddy really like Mac and Cheese.

13. What is their least favourite food?

Caddy will actually eat anything. He doesn’t like the taste of artificial strawberry flavoring but will still eat anything fake strawberry nonsense if presented to him.

14. Do they have any specific memories of food/a restaurant/meal?

Not really.

15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking?

Caddy isn’t super good at cooking. He only learned so he could make food for Nikki after they left the orphanage. His specialty is what I can best describe as “Struggling single dad trying his best” meals. He knows it’s mediocre at best.

16. Do they collect anything? What do they do with it? Where do they keep it?

Weaponry Mostly guns and explosives. Used mostly to rob banks. He keeps them at their safe house and in the secret compartments of Chance’s car.

17. Do they like to take photos? What do they like to take photos of? Selfies? What do they do with their photos?

No. It’s not an aversion. Just a general disinterest.

18. What’s their favourite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything else

Caddy likes cartoons, soap operas and horror.

19. What’s their least favourite genres?

Sitcom.

20. Do they like musicals? Music in general? What do they do when they’re favourite song comes?

He does! Caddy loves music and musicals. When his favorite song (Or any song he knows) comes on he belts it loudly.

21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?

Oddly enough Caddy doesn’t have a temper and is rarely genuinely angry. He’s fairly patient willing to wait around for hours to accomplish a thing he’s decided is going to happen and can put up with even the most trying of people. Caddy is likely a cold fury type.

22. What are their favourite insults to use? What do they insult people for? Or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back?

As violent and loud as Caddy is he’s not much of trash talker. He might refer to someone as ‘Fucker’ from time to time but his language is actually pretty mild. He has negative filter so he’ll say rude and terrible thoughts out loud with no regard for who is nearby.

23. Do they have a good memory? Short term or long term? Are they good with names? Or faces?

Caddy has a good memory for things and people he cares to remember. If he decides it’s not something he needs to worry about he’s disregard it pretty much instantly.

24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?

Caddy doesn’t sleep much. He’s generally either on 0 or 100 and he doesn’t hit 0 very often. He snores like a lawnmower and can sleep on anything. Tends to fall asleep on the couch on in the car. He’s not allowed to drive and car motion puts him to sleep.

25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humour? Are they funny themselves?

Caddy has a dangerous sense of humor. Most of the things he thinks are funny involve other people have a bad time. He thinks he’s hilarious. No one else does.

26. How do they act when they’re happy? Do they sing? Dance? Hum? Or do they hide their emotions?

Caddy is pretty open with how he’s feeling actually. He’s pretty happy most of the time. He’s loud and rambunctious on his best days. And friendly in an almost sinister way on his worst.

27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like they are sad?

Sad = angry. Very rare.

28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?

Caddy’s biggest fear is loosing Nikki. Other then that he’s positive he’s scarier then most other things. When scared Caddy fights with even less regard for his own life then usual since that probably means Nikki is in danger.

29. What do they do when they find out someone else’s fear? Do they tease them? Or get very over protective?

Depends. For people he’s close to (AKA Literally only chance and Nikki) He might give a weird phobia a hard time but he’ll be mindful and is probably the one to resolve the issue if it comes up. For anyone else he’s not interested and won’t engage in anyway.

30. Do they exercise? Regularly? Or only when forced? What do they act like pre-work out and post-work out?

Yes! Caddy is a very physically oriented guy. His primary source of income before the crime spree was underground bareknuckle boxing. His behavior isn’t super different going into or out of a work out? Afterwards he might be slightly less aggressive for a while having used up some energy.

31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing?

He does not! His epithet kind of makes it so he has to go extra hard on drinks to get drunk and he doesn’t much like it anyway. Again he’s surprisingly patient. He thinks drunk people are hilarious the sloppier the better. Though the already high chances that Caddy get in a fight might get exponentially higher in a bar full of rowdy people.

32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?

Caddy dresses… fine? He doesn’t put a lot of time and effort into what he’s wearing but he’s not a slob. Generally a hoodie (Usually his favorite “POW!” hoodie), t-shirt and jeans will do him fine. He wears only brief to sleep. He doesn’t wear make up on a regular basis but it’s not unheard of. And Caddy has far more hair then he has any business having. He keeps it tied up to keep it out of the way but when untied it dangerous close to ass length.

33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties?

briefs

34. What is their body type? How tall are they? Do they like their body?

Caddy is a brawler. Built to give and dole out pretty heavy damage. He’s about 7'2" and he thinks he’s hot.

35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure?

Caddy has no guilt. He likes cartoons, musicals and shitty pop music openly.

36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Can they sing?

Caddy is very good at fighting and various physical activities. He’s also surprisingly good at crafts and practical affects, at some point he worked with props and affects at a theater. His hobbies are fighting and fighting. And yes he can sing pretty well if he wants. But usually is just yelling.

37. Do they like to read? Are they a fast or slow reader? Do they like poetry? Fictional or non fiction?

Caddy isn’t much of a reader. He’s not a speed reader or anything but he can read competently. He not into poetry, and if he is gunna read ever he prefers fiction.

38. What do they admire in others? What talents do they wish they had?

I don’t think… Caddy admires other? He loves Chance though! He thinks chance is the coolest person in all of the land and admires his ability to function calmly and collectedly in dangerous and horrible situations.

39. Do they like letters? Or prefer emails/messaging?

I… have no idea. I don’t even think he has a phone. The idea of Caddy handling technology is actually baffling to me and he doesn’t have anyone to write letters to.

40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Or can they naturally stay awake and alert?

He doesn’t tend to need energy drinks or coffee. He’s epithet keeps him running at pretty much all times.

41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship?

Caddy is super pansexual. And is attracted to anyone who can be described as “Pretty” Male, female, or otherwise and he doesn’t relationship. That would require the ability to be emotionally invested in anything that’s not Nikki’s continued survival.

42. What are their goals? What would they sacrifice anything for? What is their secret ambition?

Caddy is addicted to thrills. The need to experience an adrenaline rush is what drives him. The only thing he considers self sacrifice worthy is Nikki. And non of his ambitions are secret.

43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?

Caddy is not religious even the tiniest bit. Has never put much thought into it, and has no interest in what anyone else thinks of it.

44. What is their favourite season? Type of weather? Are they good in the cold or the heat? What weather do they complain in the most?

Caddy prefers colder weather so fall and winter are his favorite seasons. You’ll often catch him complaining in summer because he runs hot and very quickly becomes his own personal oven.

45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves?

I CERTAINLY HOPE NO ONE SEEMS THEMSELVES IN CADDY! Most people will see Caddy as a loud violent crazy man. Even during his calmer moments if your not used to has behavior he might seem friendly enough but there’s almost always alarms ringing in the heads of people around him. It’s probably that unhinged glint in his eye.

46. Do they make a good first impression? Does their first impression reflect them accurately? How do they introduce themselves?

PROBABLY NOT! Caddy his almost 0 sense of personal space and will often get a little to friendly a little too soon. He also has the horribly unnerving habit of prolonged eye contact.

47. How do they act in a formal occasion? What do they think of black tie wear? Do they enjoy fancy parties and love to chit chat or loathe the whole event?

I don’t think caddy has attended a formal event in his life. I think he’d actually be pretty comfortable in a suit and tie but he’s still Caddy so while would likely be appalled and a little concerned that he was even allowed inside. Which is half the fun really.

48. Do they enjoy any parties? If so what kind? Do they organize the party or just turn up? How do they act? What if they didn’t want to go but were dragged along by a friend?

Honestly Caddy probably doesn’t like parties very much unless he has a reason to be there. Crowded rooms filled with people not doing particularly anything but maybe drinking does not sound like a good time. Chances increase the Caddy gets into a fight for fun without Nikki or Chance there to keep him under control.

49. What is their most valued object? Are they sentimental? Is there something they have to take everywhere with them?

Nah. Caddy’s not a materials kind of guy and doesn’t tend to hold on to things. Nikki is the only reason they have ever had nice things.

50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewhere with them: what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials?

Nikki…? Barring that. Spare clothes, a gun or two, grenades, wads of cash, meal bars and water. If he’s packing a bag to leave with his probably going on the run.

#50 fucking questions #Caddy Baptis #Anime Campaign #Fan shit #Worst thing I've ever made

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