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lady-death-herself · 3 years

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Pros & Cons About: The Blood Money Update.

↳ Disclaimer: This is mostly jokes. Everyone’s entitled to their opinions, but my sleep deprived self at 6AM made a joke to @wintxrs-hxart about making this post, and now that I’m (mostly) awake; I decided to legit write it. 💛

The Positives:

♡ It’s an update to the game! After what feels like literal decades of having little to nothing new; I’m honestly excited for there to be an actual update. It isn’t Mexico; it isn’t Guarma; it isn’t an online photo mode—but it’s smth new, and I’m personally excited about that little detail, even if others aren’t.

* I’m not counting outlaw passes as ‘new content’ ; because yes, there’s new items and emotes included in them, but they don’t add any real meat to the game—and are purely cosmetic based. Which is fine, and I enjoy the passes for the most part; but I’m excited that I can finally do smth, alongside all the collecting I do for Madam Nazar, because it’s affordable and accessible.

♡ The NPCs! SEAN HAS MORE LINES. SEAN HAS MORE LINES. SEAN HAS MORE LINES. SEAN HAS MORE LINES. SEAN HAS MORE LI—

♡ Guido Martelli. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, and I’m not saying you’re wrong; but if you disagree that Guido Martelli isn’t daddy; and doesn’t ooze dom energies—I’m sorry, but we can’t be friends. Seriously, though, even if you don’t particularly care for Signor Martelli; the cutscene that he’s introduced in is definitely one of my top 3! It’s so beautiful, and I really enjoy getting to see each of my bbys walk alongside this fancy ass guy; in outfits that I was like ‘oh yes, this is fancy’ —and then I got shown up by Guido. 😭

Even if you don’t intend to interact with the Blood Money update; I highly recommend you check out the cut scene w/ good weather and lighting, because it’s absolutely worth the gif and screenshot opportunities, tbh.

♡ It’s affordable! Compared to every other role, which are usually a whole 15 gold bars; which is an absolute bitch to get naturally, for most people—the blood money kit is only 5 gold bars; which is unarguably easier to attain over the course of a couple of weeks of casual grinding; as opposed to the time and energy that 15 would take—if you’re similar to me, and rarely have much above 3 gold bars at a time. Just try to avoid makin’ the mistake that I did; where I bought the purchasable Capitale, and was audibly confused that I could buy it again, before realising that I had, in fact, bought the wrong item.

♡ HORSES. EVERYWHERE. Like...I wish I was kidding; but I could probably compile a short video of clips from the early hours of today (15/07/21) alone; of all the random, saddled horses that I’ve come across—and a majority of them are owned horses; very clearly customized; and they’re just standing there. Menacingly. If you enjoy getting to see other people’s horses, but don’t enjoy the anxiety that comes with ‘are y’all gonna blow me up’; this update might be for you; since it’ll probably take R* another year to patch everything, with complete radio silence the entire time, so yk. Vibe, lads.

The Negatives:

♡ Laggg. Legitimately, I’ve spent more time side-eyeing my router; waiting to see if I’m gonna go downstairs to see the little ‘connected’ light has flicked off; than playing a smooth, consistent experience. I play a lot of demanding games; Overwatch, I was an avid Sea of Thieves player, ESO; but none of them make my Xbox overheat and lag quite like Red Dead does, with this new update. Legit sounds like a damn spaceship taking flight, my dudes. It does seem to be mostly when interacting with the Blood Money stuff; but lagging between going from point A to point B has been a significantly bigger issue, at least for me; especially if I’m playing w/ a friend, or around others.

♡ Crashing. Gonna slot this one beneath the ‘lag’ point, because I’ve also been experiencing a significant amount of crashing from the game; like...my game freezing with that ‘DRRRRRRRR’ noise, before promptly booting me from the game; it’ll happen at least 3 times per session, and has been happening to both myself and my friend. It’ll typically allow us back in, after rebooting the game, but it is smth to bear in mind; you’re probably going to experience crashes, during the early stages of Blood Money being a thing.

♡ Very few cosmetics. This isn’t necessarily a complete negative for me, because I’m holding out hope that maybe they’ll add more accessible cosmetics for the role at a later date, ya’know? Not just... ‘yeah, sure, the kit itself is 5 gold; but for 30 gold you can get the outlaw pass, and the kit!’ Like. A majority of the cosmetics for the role are solely in the outlaw pass; which, again, isn’t completely bad—I’m just hoping they’ll add more in the future. Like...I’d love some fancy gun belts for BM; or some custom designs for weapons; just, things that go hand-in-hand with this role—but aren’t locked behind a pay wall of gold. I understand it’s a smaller role, but like...still, lmao.

♡ Griefers. As per usual with any update that can actively encourage other players to destroy other people’s experience; griefers are out in full force—and seem to be camping around the more popular NPCs. We were jumped by a posse of six last night, attempting to complete Sean’s starter mission on our alt accounts; who not only stole our job, but actively came back to where we’d been—and happily killed my horse, and myself, after completing the job. They then proceeded to leave the server; but they were a bunch of triple ranks, with only one double digit rank, actively camping; waiting for somebody to visit Sean MacGuire for a job. Which is just...bruh...get a life.

If you need six whole people to be obnoxious to two; you’re a little bitch. 💛 And even if you don’t; if you kill other people’s horses, deliberately, you’re a little bitch—and I hope your horse bucks you at any inconvenient time. 💛

♡ Enemies are OP. I used to think the Rev. Agents w/ moonshiner were ridiculously broken; since they used to tear through me like nothin’ else—but holy. FUCK. My alt account is almost into the triple digits; but I legit felt like a rank one player going up against a rank 400, when it came to these enemies. Not only are they ridiculously powerful (tearing through golden stats; I blew so many bottles of potent health cures, and potent miracle tonics), but they spawn in gigantic clusters, and all of them will tear through you. It wasn’t super uncommon for my friend & I to just commit to taking whatever it was we needed, and skedaddling, whilst the other had to take the L; because of how fucking many enemies there continuously was—and how OP they were.

And heaven FORBID you attempt to call your horse, to use them to stow a captured NPC, because they WILL just spend the entire time freaking out; and they WILL get you killed significantly quicker; either from bucking you off, after you just got on them—or from you spending a ridiculous amount of time trying to get on them; only for 5 enemies to surround both of you, and kill both you and your horse. And again, the lag is fucking ridiculous.

♡ THE SNAKES ARE ON CRACK, BRUH. I understand that sneks are the heavily featured animal of the role, which is honestly very fitting and 10/10 aesthetic, but whY ARE THERE SO MANY NOPE ROPES EVERYWHERE-- I can’t go five steps in one of those ‘part’ missions, without my horse getting nervous bc ‘oh that’s a danger noodle-- oh god it’s an entire packet of spaghetti, holy fuck’, and everywhere around me is just D A N G E R.

♡ Horses. Everywhere. Dutch was always paranoid about losing the west to the government; but clearly, the government was just a red herring. Our real enemy are the questionably customized horses that are everywhere and anywhere at any given time. Just standing there...m e n a c i n g l y.

#red dead redemption 2 #red dead online #red dead fandom #rdr2 #rdonline #rdo blood money #mun speaks #i rate this update tho #i haven't wanted to actively play red dead for a long time #it's always a 'overwatch is pissing me off; let's play rdo' game #but rn i'm vibing with this game:)#long post #txt

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sunflowerhae · 4 years

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Linger

Episode • 1/8

Mobile Masterlist •

♡ ☾ ✐

Authors note• bro this is so long I’m so sorry I’m breaking it into parts for u (I HATE MY LIFE)

Warnings• mentions of death, language

Songs• something - the Beatles/ With love, Vincent - Murray Gold/ she’s so lovely - beach house

•Na Jaemin remembers the exact moment he first laid his eyes on Y/N Y/L/N.

•He was standing by his locker on the first day of sophomore year

•laughing with Jeno and Haechan about their new math teacher

•when she walked past him with two other girls, smiling and holding some books in her arms.

•Jaemin will tell anyone that listens that this was the first time he felt the air knocked out of his lungs

•He remembers thinking that she was the most beautiful girl that he had ever seen.

•He didn’t know who she was; he had never seen her before (he would remember) (sike he’s stupid)

•yet he knew that he would marry that girl.

•he was worried bc he didn’t know who tF she was, but don’t worry bc the second time he ever saw her was maybe 6 minutes later

•he walked into his 4th period Honors English 10 class, and she was talking to the teacher across the classroom, before moving and sitting down in the first empty seat she saw.

•Jaemin didn’t know what to do

•his new mystery dream girl was in his class.

•Should he sit next to her?

•Should he just ignore her and talk to her later?

•what is gonna wear?

•is he gonna cry?

•Jaemin didn’t have much time to decide

• a mere 10 second delay was all it took for three boys (also on the football team with Jaemin) to enter the room and wrap their arms around his shoulder

•ushering him over to an empty table in the back while showcasing their excitement about being in the same class together.

•Jaemin tried not to show his disappointment, and instead gave one of his usual, dazzling smiles (ya know the one!) while joking along with them

•trying to forget about the mystery girl (and the excitement he got when he learned her name during roll call)

•It was then that Na Jaemin’s and Y/N Y/L/N’s rolls in their story were set in stone.

•He would be the popular boy that everyone knew, but didn’t really know

•and you would be the quiet girl that only a few, special people knew of, but those people were your closest friends.

•And over the course of the next two years, it would stay that way. •Jaemin, secretly pining for you

•and you, thinking the beautiful boy as untouchable.

•That would, however, change, on one god forsaken, cloudy Friday.

•A Friday that would forever be ingrained in Jaemins memory as the day he sealed his lonely fate in the world

•and the day he lost his true soulmate

•before he even talked to her.

•If Haechan’s persistent moaning and groaning about school wasn’t enough

•the weather was gloomy and cloudy

•and anyone with eyes could tell that rain was to be expected. •Jaemin, secretly, didn’t mind.

•Although he would never share it, he loved the rain.

•What he did mind, was his friends continuous bitching.

•”Hyuck, shut up,” -Renjun, 2020

•I mean he wasn’t even paying attention to the group, too preoccupied w his sketch book, sometimes glancing up at a girl that sat across the school yard, before looking back down at his sketch book (spoilers for something I’m writing??? Hehe you’ll never know hehe)

•all Jeno did was MenTion that rainy weather meant football practice would be cancelled

•hyucks smile was BaCk

•Jaemin was not impressed

•okay the conversation went something like this

“Damn Na, why are you looking at me like how my mom looks when my report card come in?” -full sun

•You literally insulted football to my face.” -nana

•haechan let out a loud laugh

•at Jaemin’s expense

•“you don’t know the ups and downs of High-school football” -nojam and injunnie

•also at Jaemins expense

•due to an ongoing joke that Jaemin reminded their friend group of the teenage redhead from riverdale

•Na Jaemin was so upset, he didn’t even eat his fries.

•”I wouldn’t care so much if I wasn’t the fucking captain of the team, hyuck. I mean, I gotta hold you responsible to a certain degree, you’re the fucking quarterback!” -Na Jaemin

•someone bully him

•so as that is happening, 2/3 of the missing members of their group come in HOT

•I mean literally

•they’re breathing heavily and everything

•acting like they just ran a mf marathon

•jisung YEETS his bag in the table (covering Renjuns sketchbook, which annoyed the fuck out of the older boy, but really who cares)

•”Guys guys guys! You will never guess who we just saw in the library!” -Mochi

•”lemme give it a try; mark?” -bitch ass Chinese bitch (renjun)

•”No! We saw Mar- wait what? How’d you know?” -child prodigy Zhong Chenle

•“Uhh, maybe because he texted in the group chat that he was gonna be in the library?” -nojam makin a comeback

•”Okay okay, but - can I have a fry? - did hew shay who hedt be wif?”

•”Swallow your fucking food first, le.” -smart boy you guess who

(Whew are y’all getting sensory overload like I AM)

•“He said, did he say who he’d be with, though? No, he didn’t, but guess who WE saw him with,” -jisung bringing the T E A.

•no one answers

•Chenle and jisung give each other the “we’re friends w dumbasses” look

•“Y/n! He was sitting with y/n!”

•oh shit

•Everyone quickly turned their heads to Jaemin

•tell me why this boy was glaring at the table like it messed w his daughter

•Out of everyone ever, the only people who knew about Jaemins secret crush was the 5 boys sitting with Jaemin

•and the one sitting in the library with said secret crush.

•They didn’t even really know, they just knew that they once saw Jaemin slip something like a note into Y/n’s locker junior year

•and Jaemin made up a bullshit excuse that it was something for class that no one

•-not even Jeno, who always trusted his friends -

•believed.

•”why aren’t you mad”

•”you should be angry”

•literally all of the present boys were THROWING it on jaemin

•and naturally -

•he deflected

•”bro I’m not even upset, I don’t like y/n!”

•lmao K

•now at this point

•the boys thought they were helping

•really

•it was innocent they promise.

•really how were they to know what was going to happen

•so hyuck had JOKED and said that if Jaemin didn’t like u, he wouldn’t mind hurting u

•it was super harmless

•unTil

•some other popular ppl walked over RIGHT as Haechan said that

•and he was like oh fuck

•but silently

•bc Haechan knew what Jaemin was like

•if it was just their lil group still, Jaemin would have told hyuck to fuck off

•but Jaemin was terrified to lose his reputation

•he was an insecure boy

•he would have really done anything to keep his position as most popular boy in school

•so when one of his jock friends dares Jaemin to get you to date him until prom, get ur virginity the night before, and then ditch u at prom and tell you it was all a dare in front of everyone and that he never liked you

•well

•he stupidly agrees

•the dreamies agree with it

•only bc they don’t actually think Jaemin will last

•they think he’ll back out last minute and stay w you

•and that Jaemin will finally get u

•wishful thinking

•you were failing math

•it’s not that you were stupid, you weren’t

•you just R E A L L Y hated math

•and your mom was so upset w your grade

•my girl forced u to get a tutor

•good thing u knew mark

•he agreed to meet w you in the library Tuesday’s and Wednesday’s at lunch

•and Thursday’s if you needed it

•thank god 4 mark

•everything was going Super Fine™️

•up until you both look up when you hear squealing and the sound of someone smacking someone else

•and there’s jisung and Chenle,

•staring at you both

•and squealing

•and smacking each other on the arms

•before just plain running out

•”if I don’t go after them, they’ll tell all of our friends that we’re marrying each other, so i should go.” -Mark fucking Lee

•so you’re walking towards your locker to put all of your math work in it,

•and when you open it, a lil note falls out and flutters to the ground

•your smile: 3% -> 95%

•honestly you were kinda having a shitty day

•so you were so happy to see a note in your locker

•you had been receiving love notes since you were in sophomore year

•you don’t remember exactly when during the year

•but one day, they were just there

•you were excited to add another one to your box

•this one wasn’t big, it just said “Your Personality makes me want to be a better person! I hope you have a beautiful day, sunshine!”

•the rim of the paper had squiggly yellow lines, and the bottom had a poorly drawn sunshine, with a heart, like always

•you didn’t know who your secret admirer was

•but you wish you did

•u lowkey loved them

•you’re still smiling about it as you walk into your 7th period math class

•and the note was found at lunch, like an hour ago

•they make you so happy

•you silently sat down in your seat, and stared off into space with a dreamy look on your face

•and THATS how Jaemin knew you got his note

•you always had that look when you read his notes

•not that you knew it was from him

•it made him so happy

•even if you two had never talked before, he still freaking loved that he could make you smile

•Jaemin wasn’t happy for long

•he tried not to let you notice him staring at you in class,

•it was kinda hard, seeing as you two literally sat next to each other

•he couldn’t believe he had to break your heart

•he wanted to die lowkey lol

•but he had to do it

•not really, but really

•so he took a deep breath

•and opened his mouth

Continued here

{taglist}

@ivietea @fiveguysgoodbyeguys @comically-sleep-deprived @woosans-sann @mozartwasajungkookstan @littlefluu @cxcxlxlee @jaesluvklub @uyuzo @sweetie-yoongi7 @marklexleaf

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zizeschmizes · 4 years

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that familiar feeling. | solo

WHO: lauren zizes (& the zizes bro squad)

WHAT: a post-thanksgiving dinner hangout, with bonus chaotic sibling energy.

WHEN: 11/28; evening

WHERE: zizes home; new orleans, la.

The last guest was long gone, and the cleanup had been, as always, a family effort. Everyone doing their part to return the house back to some kind of order. Everyone had a job, and Lauren, stickler for organization that she was, had been tasked with putting away the leftovers in a reasonable and tidy manner.

It was a wonder there was any food left; her mother, as per usual had gone overboard. But it was for good reason. As tradition, their dinner usually included some of her brothers' teammates, the guys unable to travel home for the holiday, for whatever reason. There were five of them this year, nice guys who complimented the cooking and talked football with her father and charmed her mother and younger brothers. At least they'd been expected, their places planned for at the dinner table.

If anything she was the anomaly. The interloper, the surprise guest showing up unexpectedly. After landing at the airport, she'd taken a Lyft home, laughing at the look of surprise on her father's face when he opened the front door. She hadn't discussed her plans with anyone; staying at Ginsburg had been the idea...until the drama, most of it not hers, but the small part that was, it was enough to convince her that a break was necessary. Feeling tired, overworked, and wanting to be in a setting that felt familiar seemed too good to pass up.

The food was packed up, the kitchen was clean, the guests were gone, her parents had retired to bed, and Lauren could finally change into comfy clothes and settle in a favorite spot. In the den, on the massive sectional, sandwiched between two of her favorite people. Her younger brothers had been especially excited to see her, nearly tackling her in a combo hug, towering over her in a way that made her chest ache because she missed them so much. They stuck close to her, surprising considering the last thing most 15 year old boys wanted was to be babied by their big sister, but here they were. João, taller than she'd remembered, sprawled on the sofa, body taking up a good amount of room while his head rested on Lauren's lap.

He kept dozing off, unfocused on the show they were supposed to be watching, his content state heightened by Lauren's fingers combing through his dark brown curls. Matheus, however, was the total opposite of his twin, squished beside Lauren and talking animatedly about the show, which had been his pick and Lauren had to admit she was more focused on his commentary than the actual plot. Matty had a way of making everything feel more elaborate, injecting a streak of dramatic flair typical in the Zizes household. Lauren missed it. The noise and nonsense she'd grown so familiar with, different from the college atmosphere that had been her reality for the past few months.

Their chatter was interrupted by Gabe, yanking the remote from Matty's grasp and tumbling over the back of the couch, nearly landing on top of the younger boy who luckily had the good sense to roll out of the way, landing on the floor between the coffee table and the couch.

"Seriously?" Lauren glanced over at Gabe, who managed to balance a large bowl in the middle of his chaotic entrance, never spilling a chip as he stuck his landing.

"What? He moved. That Zizes instinct comin' through." Matty seemed no worse for wear, making a comfortable spot on the floor and accepting the bowl of Doritos when Gabe passed it down, his gaze never leaving the television screen.

Lauren rolled her eyes. "Y'all are ridiculous. You could’ve broken his damn neck.” Her grumble was cut short when, out of nowhere, a hand came whizzing by. João, reaching overhead, past Lauren to grab a handful of chips, shoveling them in his mouth with a loud crunching noise. “Dammit, Jojo! You almost hit me.”

His ‘sorry’ was muffled by chewing and Lauren scowled waiting a beat before bopping him on the forehead.

“Next time just ask for the bowl, dummy. How are y’all still eatin’ after all that food?”

Gabe shrugged and sank lower in his seat, enough to prop his sock covered feet on the coffee table. “I’m a growing boy. I ain’t wanna dig around in all those bowls. You got the fridge locked up. Chips was easier.” He offered her the bowl as a peace offering and despite her glare, it didn’t stop her from swiping a few. Dark eyes, much like her own glanced at the screen and he frowned. “What the hell are y’all watching?”

“Matty picked. I think it’s some Star Wars thing?”

There came a huff from the floor, and Matheus lifted his head from her knee. “It’s ‘The Mandalorian’, Lo. I said that twenty minutes ago.”

“Okay, so I was right. It was a Star Wars thing.”

Gabe snorted beside her. “Turn it off, I haven’t watched the first ep yet, I don’t wanna be spoiled.”

Lauren reached for a few more chips, grabbing a handful and pointing with her pinky at Gabe’s lap. “You have the remote, genius. Just switch it to something everybody wants to watch. Don’t put on those NatGeo docs, bout to put everybody to sleep.”

Matty laughed. “Jojo’s already asleep.”

“No I’m not!” came the sleep-filled reply from her sweatpants-covered lap and Lauren looked down at her little brother, who was busy wiping crumbs from his face. “Lo, you’re getting Dorito dust on me.”

“Yeah well that’s what you get for almost smackin’ me, we’re even.” She rubbed her fingers together, laughing at his grumbling because despite it, she knew he wasn’t moving. “Where’s Nono?” she asked Gabe, who was still busy browsing through Netflix and vetoing Matty’s suggestions.

“Think he’s still talking to Zara on the phone. Makin’ plans to link up after practice.” Gabe tossed the remote to Matty, and turned his full attention on Lauren. “You stayin’ for the game on Saturday? Watch us bust some Aggie ass?”

Lauren nibbled at her bottom lip. She'd forgotten about the possibility of a football game. Already figuring it would be a reality for winter break, in her haste to get away from Ginsburg for the holiday, it had slipped her mind.

"My flight back to school is Saturday," she replied, unsure if she was relieved or annoyed. At herself. More than likely at the situation. Dinner had been spent literally surrounded by football, her brother teammates piled into the large dining room they only ever used for holidays and big parties. And at first, Lauren had completely disappeared amongst the talk of plays and stats and names, occasionally cracking a smile at a stray joke, her grin growing when her eyes happened to catch her father's. Her parents seemed happy to see her. Her father clutched her tightly and kissed her forehead, the warmth behind it making her feel most at home.

And she supposed her mother, with her busy to-do list that involved ordering the rest of them around with chopping and shopping and cleaning and organizing didn't have much time for her usual spiel. Again, the surprise drop in was good for something. She'd managed a quick kiss to her daughter's cheek and promptly sent her on an errand. Lauren figured come Christmastime, she wouldn't be so lucky.

For his part, Gabe took the news of her departure easily. Then again, that was his way. Of all her brothers, the two were more alike, in looks and temperament. Where Antonio was the quiet, responsible type, Gabe was loud, the center of attention and quick with a joke. The two of them bumped heads, but never really outright clashed, trading snarky comments back and forth until a peace offering (usually food) was suggested.

“There’s always games,” he replied easily. “You’ll catch another one.” They turned their attention back to the television, where Matty had found something else to watch (Black Panther) and managed to snatch the bowl of chips from his older brother, setting it beside him so he could share with his twin.

“Thanks, for not giving me shit about it.”

Gabe shook his head. “It’s just football, Lozinha. I realize sayin’ that’s a cardinal sin ‘round here. But you haven’t been into this shit since we were in high school. It’s cool. Although…” he turned to his sister, big grin on his handsome face and Lauren knew it was bound to be something that would no doubt annoy her. “If you did show up, I know of at least three dudes who’d be pretty hype about that.”

She made a face. “Please don’t push me off on your football pals, it’s so weird. Not to mention unnecessary.”

“You say ‘unnecessary’, I say Cameron was staring hard and it wasn’t the turkey he was eyeballin’.”

Lauren rolled her eyes, her annoyance only rising at Gabe’s loud laughter, but smiled when the twins both shushed him. She had noticed Cameron, catching her eyes whenever she looked up and making sure they were seated beside each other at dinner.

He was sweet enough, a junior linebacker studying sports medicine with dreams of being a physical therapist, and he listened attentively while she talked about Ginsburg and her major. Their conversation had been pleasant, but it was a typical dinner talk: polite and surface-level and though she enjoyed it, hadn’t thought much more about it, especially when she had other matters to attend to, mainly cleaning. A total gentleman, he bid her goodnight and leaned in for a hug, a one-armed gesture that ended with a gentle squeeze of her hip, which...okay that might’ve been forward...but she didn’t dwell on it, simply brushing it off as friendly.

“Yeah, that’s not happening. He’s nice but he lives here. I’m at Ginsburg. Plus I’m not really looking for that right now.”

“Uh-huh…” Gabe trailed off, studying his sister’s profile. “Soooo, is that ‘cause you already have something? And when are you gonna let me talk to your crew? Do they know you’ve got a hot single brother? Like come on, what good is having a sister if I can’t hit on your fine ass friends?”

“That is a lot of stupid happening in one sentence,” she replied, laughing. “I’m not letting my friends anywhere near you. Besides, you already got a school-full of folks you can charm, get outta my friends list.”

“Jeez, be selfish. But you could be keeping me from the love of my life. I hope you’re happy.”

“My one mission’s to make your ass miserable so yep, I’m pretty content right now.”

Gabe snorted. “It’s possible you came back a bigger pain in the ass.”

“It’s a required Gins elective. Bad Bitch 101.” Lauren flipped her hair, laughing when João grumbled about being jostled. She ruffled his hair, letting her fingers linger to card gently through his curls.

“Are you two done?” Matheus grumbled from below. “We’re tryin’ to watch something here.”

“Yeah whatever,” Gabe said, leaning forward to bop his younger brother on the shoulder. “You’ve seen this like a million times. Gimme the chips and put on something we all wanna watch.”

“I don’t mind watching it,” came a voice from behind and Lauren looked up to see Antonio entering the den, tumbling over the back of the sectional much like Gabe did, settling beside his brother, and throwing an arm over the back of the couch.

“Are y’all incapable of sitting on the couch like regular folk? I mean, damn.” Her question was met by a chorus of boos and Gabe, having recovered the chip bowl threw a Dorito at her, which she promptly caught in her mouth.

“Nice. Learned that from one of those Ginsburg’s electives?”

Lauren shook her head. “Nah, just that Zizes instinct comin’ through.” Grinning, she leaned her head on Gabe’s shoulder, finally focusing on the Wakandian action on-screen as her brothers passed the bowl between them, feeling completely at ease in the familiarity of it all. She really missed this.

#para.all #para.solo #para002

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kae-karo · 5 years

Note

Hi Katie! I just want you to know that I want your analysis of this new sims video more than anything and I'll just patiently wait for it... Have a nice day!

hi dear!! new sims vid, did u mean dnp simulator?

dorks spending the first ten seconds dancing in fake snow

why virtual friends???? ??

my daddies gave to me y’all,,,,,,there’s knowing your branding and then there’s acting on that knowledge and i think this may have been one time where acting on your knowledge maybe was not a good call like ily and u do u and all but

i love phil loving his branding it’s cute also shoutout to @dnpscloset thanks for finding it (x) bc i want one now if anyone needs a last minute xmas idea i’m lookin at u mom u always wait til the last minute

same dan, same

‘we all have new faces and new lives and everything’s changed, this is gonna be hella dramatic’ *inhale* *exhale*

‘when u imagine the howlter family’ god they’re such adorable n sentimental nerds i love them

phil’s actual default is bein a leany boye

dnp arguing about what ‘desperate’ actually is as if the entirety of their first year after meeting they weren’t talking as often as they could five hour skype calls amirite

get away from me stalker lmao bold of u to say that danny

phil sweetie i love you with my entire heart he’s so so excited abt the virtual snow i love him

tiny zoom in jumpcut at 2:08 overlapping audio interesting

a mood and a half

phil immediately going ‘yeahhhhh thin walls family hearing things they gotta get out’ abt dab and evan like m8 we get it all u think abt is sex we get it god u and ur husband really are made for each other aren’t u (dnp = devan reference #1)

‘i presume evan is also jobless’ ‘i hope so!’ phil is it really,,,,,,smth to be excited about,,,,,,,

dan’s doin a lot of the hand phone lately u cute boy

we should have a redbull what is wrong with them phil can barely handle having too much sugar y’all thought it was a good idea to have a redbull also we should have a redbull they share literally everything which tbh is probs for the best lbr phil on a whole can of redbull hmmmmm yes ik it’s v possible and in fact probable that phil had his own can let me live

‘it’s a sensible lightweight jacket’ in the fucking snow wow dan u really did just set urself up for phil to drag u about not dressing for the weather

dan’s fucking laugh at 4:39 gives me life literally there is no purer and more adorable sound like that’s up there with kittens purring

‘i think he’s gonna be a bit of a diva in this relationship’ did you mean: dan howell (dnp = devan reference #2)

[slight bit of ankle is showing] dan: ‘and now you’re wearing shorts’

where’s the lie tho honestly that lil pause before he said mate

this clip will live in infamy bc i want this in every fucking phan edit for the rest of time like i can’t even think of the right out-of-context clip right now but anything that can be answered with phil saying ‘it’s dan’ i need it

youtube

mandatory phil covering his mouth and bein a cutie

yes destroy gender roles in the snow universe (although seriously dan’s ‘life is just about uncon-doing the horrible conditioning of all these gender stereotypes, phil’ is so important also i stan phil recognizing that before dan i think it’s really easy to forget that just bc up til recently he’s not been as expressive as dan of his opinions on how stupid gender roles are doesn’t mean he doesn’t have just as if not more progressive a mindset than dan)

‘it’s like a dan vs phil’ dnp = devan #3

dan has such a lovely singing voice i miss him singing

dude phil’s eyebrows are making a Solid appearance v expressive

i s2g this is a different moment from the one above he’s just so fricken cute???

‘but they’ve got each other’s backs, phil, just like dab and evan’ yeeeeaaaa i’m gonna go ahead and go with dnp = devan reference #4 here i think that’s fair

snow angels are the least fun thing to do and yet (x - it literally won’t let me put it in bc it’s a privated vid rip)

amazing they just started having a snowball fight how cute n domestic am i talking abt dnp or dab and evan hmmmm - dnp = devan #5

i get that infinity war was a meme but lads it’s time to let it go

‘and they’re called the howlters’ lmao as if u ain’t an honorary lester daniel (dnp = devan #6)

i’m living for phil’s excitement i mean if that’s what redbull does to him i’m here for it i guess?

hi they’re dumb this was cute

‘we don’t want to be those people, but for us personally, we very much found that you just need to just move into a big city of some kind and just jump into life with both feet’ this is not only adorable advice but also where dnp simulator comes into play aka we did this so uhh dab n evan should do it (dnp = devan #7) also dan speaking for them both singular pronouns are quaking

‘don’t trust that’ what on earth are u on abt phil what don’t u trust the fuckin desert or?????

scalyburg phil stop pls we know we get it dan’s a furry ur a scaly we got it

why does dan spend an entire 7 seconds (8:40) adjusting is he moving closer to phil? switching which leg he’s sat on? idk but it lead to me pausing at this moment which was a gift in and of itself

‘the deposit on that one, plus the weekly went would make us instantly broke, so that’s fun, us when we moved to london’ bih do u hear me crying

does dan remember phil’s first manchester apartment what kind of question is that phil have u met dan he probably remembers every bloody inch of that place i mean he did remember that there wasn’t a bedside table so

stop that

middle of the city, romance festival, geekcon, pretty views and cherry blossom trees sounds like dnp’s ideal location do u get why i’m calling it dnp simulator yet also dnp = devan #8

we don’t want to move next to the karaoke legends wow dan bold of u to say after belting helena at 2am real bold

phil having flashbacks to the apt they toured where they found out people died there

hi phil just looks so excited by everything

look i’m not saying anything except they’re managing to find a lot of similarities b.w their lives and what they’re doing for dab and evan okay like this apartment is great for people-watching? which is what phil did in his manchester apt?

context whomst? idk her

shoutout to the wardrobe

big bold life-changing steps

anon spitting truth up in this house (but like,,,,,my thoughts exactly lmao i was like they’re such introverts they would’ve avoided meeting their neighbors at any cost including apparently smacking into a locked door trying to avoid small talk phil we love u bab)

casually mentioning dan saying ‘we are dil-’ was he gonna say dil’s son, maybe but i like to remember the bloops of dan repeatedly calling dab dil so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

omg okay so from like. this point on, when dan’s like ‘here is my vision’, i’m absolutely getting queer eye vibes like amateur queer eye tho like two gay nerds trying to embody queer eye in their lives a bit oh wait

okay okay okay dan u said an ensuite bathroom and then failed to add a door to the bedroom do u understand how frustrating that is???????? do u understand how stressful it was for me to watch that whole damn vid and know that u forgot the door????

a space for hobbies what hobbies who has hobbies

they learned nothing from building their house before: phil should take the mouse away from dan immediately look at him he is such a sugar baby in this jfc

god dan is so cute get these idiots a penthouse apartment super high up so he can have his bath next to a window okay he deserves that in life

stop it they’re literally agreeing on almost every single thing god they literally share a single brain

amazing

leany boye

‘they are young adults moving into their first apartment, you don’t have art!’ okay first of all don’t even go there daniel second of all i’m sorry you’re the one arguing for spending literally all their money but u don’t want to get some art bc it’s unrealistic????

dan saying lovely

phil’s mr carpet

navy??? navy? when did they? why?

i would get involved in a criminal plot to have that / i’m gonna throw you out of one

wow pro tips makin a comeback

phil is Losing Steam

oh my god okay so i was joking but literally phil is losing steam lmao 18:35 he says ‘ayy’ and it’s so tired-sounding

leany leany boyes

okay look ik dan’s going into ‘aww poor philly’ mode but also he knew that very quickly like honestly that’s not a Thing i would ever notice about someone tbh i’m not saying it’s like Significant but damn danny was really into phil to know that shiz man

the high-fashion gigantic rug of our dreams

okay look i can’t make this up phil literally leans away for a bit and then

hello daniel’s Curl

i stan phil getting excited over plants

dab and evan will be having a mario kart fest will they (dnp = devan #9)

mirroringggggggg

dude big mood god they’re so fond and full of memories

honestly dnp made it that way like u cannot convince me they didn’t purposely decide to do that mmkay

‘see they are ready to have their romantic dinners. and then they can pretend they have another friend and it’s fine!’ am i talking abt dnp or dab and evan who knows :) (dnp = devan #10)

cold in the middle what on earth i literally have no memory of that i mean it could just be my shit memory but jfc they just remember that stuff goddamn

scrunchy boyes also phil where’s ur arm at hm

like i’m not fuckin joking where is it

you can’t exist without a computer i mean

what is important in life / the internet

they don’t even have fucking doors and dan’s like ‘uhm they need a terrarium’ dan i’m stressed

oh my god i’m sorry phil is so done with this now it’s actually comical

hi they didn’t add a door for the ensuite

give dnp an interior design series honestly give them any series

phil reached for dan’s hand u cannot convince me otherwise

‘not my personal taste’ really,,,,,really

when dab n evan hug dan looks at the screen n phil looks at the camera things u didn’t need to know but now u do

lmao jumpscared by the kiss

‘i feel like i’ve never nailed anything more in my entire life’ hmmmm hmmmmmmmmmm hm

the fuck was dan’s ‘getting a job’ that’s his fnaf voice u stop that

doon doon doon doon

tongue

hi uhm what the Fuck was that jumpcut at 28:30 i hate Obvious Jumpcuts with a burning passion specifically bc of dnp

#dnp #dan and phil #dapg #phan #danandphilgames #sims #devan #vid analysis #anon #ask #kt

343 notes · View notes

haztory · 6 years

Text

hurricane. (teenager!frank castle x reader)

A/N: okay so this was originally one of the dialogue prompts but i decided to make this a au one-shot if that’s alright with everybody. its a bit all over the place and messy but i’ll just say that that’s my writing style lololol. please send in requests if y’all would like.

request: hi! i love your writing! can you do “i said i love you” and “quit it or i’ll bite” with frank castle? thank you very much!

(thanks for loving my writing sweetcheeks. makes me feel fuzzy inside, also sorry it took so long)

It was an unspoken rule between you and Frank to never disclose the details of your relationship to those who asked. There was never any specific reason for it—it’s not like you and Frank had anything to hide—it was just…an unspoken pact between you two.

When people came up to you two during lunch and asked the same old question of “Are you guys dating? Or just really good friends?”, they always received the same answer:

“Yes.”

It became a game after a while. How many people could you guys confuse today? Who’s the next one to ask?

You understood why everyone asked. You and Frank were way too close to just be considered best friends, and whether that is due to the sheer amount of years you and Frank have been friends or because there’s a chemistry you have with him that runs deeper than blood, you’re not entirely sure on.

The only thing anyone really knows, is that if you want (Y/N) (L/N), you won’t get her without her bodyguard Frank Castle, and if you want Frank Castle, you won’t get him without his life advisor (Y/N) (L/N).

You guys come in a pair. There’s no use in trying to separate the two of you.

You and Frank have been best friends since you were six when you moved into the house right next-door to him. You didn’t know anyone and he was a shy boy who didn’t have many friends.

“A match made in heaven.” proclaimed your mothers. (Your mothers already planned the wedding.)

There wasn’t a day you two didn’t spend together, whether riding your bikes to the stream near your houses to playing some sport in your front yards to watching his mother’s extensive collection of movies at his house to camping in his backyard. Even when you were sick, he was always there to sail the storm with you.

The majority of your youth days were spent together and as puberty hit, that bond only grew stronger. When your only other friends seemed to split apart from you and follow boys and Frank’s “no bullshit” mentality strengthened, it only made sense that the two of you would draw to each other like magnets.

That was when the rumors started. In junior high, when people began to notice how Frank would always wait for you at lunch and you would always take him home after school; When people began to notice that when they run into you outside of school, Frank was always by your side; When people began to notice that a majority of the stories you told only involved Frank.

So, yes, you understand why everyone asks, because in all honesty, you and Frank choose to not do anything to quell the rumors. In fact, you knowingly add more fuel to ever growing fire.

He was your date to junior prom (and is your current date to the senior one) and when you both showed up with matching outfits everyone literally “awed” at the sight of you; For your sixteenth birthday, he gave you a necklace with his name engraved on it that you have yet to take off; Your Instagram is filled with pictures of him with very cryptic captions that borderline romantic and to anyone not paying attention, would seem like you guys are an item.

There was even a time where everyone thought you were married. You and Frank had shown up to school one day with gold bands on your left hands and never said anything until someone pointed them out. People asked relentlessly, but you never confirmed nor denied.

That happened over a year ago, but you’re pretty sure some people still think you’re married. (I mean, you guys practically are. You argue like a married couple, you love like a married couple, so really it wouldn’t be a shocker.)

For god’s sake, even the teachers think you guys are a thing! It’s drawn the attention of the entire school for some reason without you and Frank having to move a muscle.

It gets annoying sometimes, but you’ve gotten used to it.

Besides, even you can admit it: You and Frank are a hella cute couple.

It’s Wednesday, meaning your school has an hour lunch block and you’re sitting at your usual round table with your usual friend group of Curtis Hoyle, Karen Page and David Lieberman.

You sit with your right leg thrown over Frank’s lap, stealing a couple of stale fries from his lunch tray as he sits with his left arm thrown over the back of your chair and his right arm gently stroking your leg on his lap. There’s a large smile on your face from Curtis’ wild antics, and the sight of it puts a smile on Frank’s.

(It’s kind of hard for it not to. Everything you do puts a smile on Frank’s face.)

“I’m just sayin’ man!” Curtis laughs from his seat in front of you, throwing his hands up in mock surrender as everyone at the table watches, “She was ogling you the whole period! Natalie Rushman was makin’ goo-goo eyes at you during Fury’s lecture!”

Frank waves his hand in the air, scoffing and throwing his head to the side with a smile on his face, “Yeah, yeah. Whatever, man!”

Curtis points an accusing finger at Frank, slamming his elbow down on the table and staring at him with intense eyes, making everyone at your table laugh.

“I ain’t making this shit up! Listen, if you ain’t gettin’ on that, I will. Make your move now or I’m swooping in.”

Frank shakes his head at Curtis, moving his hand to his tray of fries and smacking yours away so he could grab three before plopping all of them into his mouth. His voice is muffled as he speaks, “Go ‘head.”

He rubs the crumbs on his hands on his jeans while looking down at you on his left and giving you a warm smile, “I already got what I need.”

Your three friends all groan at the comment, rolling their eyes and muttering to themselves. You give Frank a loving stare, gently pinching his cheek and giggling before feeding him another stale and cold fry.

Karen, who was seated between David and Curtis, places her forearms against the lunch table and stares at you and Frank, “When are you both going to come to terms with reality and realize that you are in love with each other?”

She tucks a strand of blonde hair behind her ear and you give her a faux innocent look, furrowing your eyebrows and tilting your head to the side.

“What do you mean? We’ve already picked out the names of our kids. There’s nothing we really have to come to terms with,” You put a fry in your mouth and chew contentedly.

Karen’s mouth drops slightly, the corners of her lips slightly pulling back as she darts her eyes from Frank’s satisfied smirk to your innocent one. She huffs out a laugh and runs her hand through her hair, slowly shaking her head, “I don’t know if that was a joke or not.”

David takes a sip from his carton of chocolate milk, raising one eyebrow up and glancing at Karen, “Who knows at this point?”

Frank places his hand on the back of your neck, gently dragging his fingertips across the skin there. You shy your body away from the touch, letting out a whine.

“Quit it or I’ll bite.” You try and give him a threatening stare which only makes him smirk in response.

(And it’s one of those lopsided ones that makes him look so charming and sexy and it’s no surprise that every girl that meets Frank has a crush on him.)

“Make me.”

“Y’know what Castle— “

“Alright, look.” Curtis draws the attention back to himself, “The sexual tension is too much. As your closest friends, we deserve a right to know—” his eyes dart from Frank to you, pausing for dramatic effect.

“—are you guys gonna fuck?”

Karen smacks her hand against Curtis’ shoulder while David laughs loudly, throwing his head back and releasing the sound to the ceiling. Even the loud chatter of the surrounding students couldn’t drown out the volume of his laughter. Curtis grips his arm in pain, rubbing it and staring at Karen with a hurt look.

Frank looks back at you, a smile on his face that mirrors your own. Frank enjoys watching people twist and turn to find out the details of your relationships and you are nothing but complacent in his pleasure. You don’t really care what people think or what they want to know, but whatever makes Frank happy.

You turn your head and look at Curtis’ expectant eyes, gracefully shrugging your shoulders, “That’s on a need to know basis.”

Curtis throws himself back into his seat in frustration, earning a giggle from Karen as he mutters to himself, “Yeah, yeah, and I don’t need to know. Pfft, I don’t even know why I ask.”

David suddenly puts down his carton of milk, looking at you with wide eyes, “Hey! Are we still on for that trip after graduation?”

The trip in question, was the annual camping trip you and your family take from New York to Connecticut after school ends. The drive only took a day or two with few pit stops at restaurants or to see some sights, but it would take you to a beach house your family owned during the summer. You would spend the two weeks at the house either going to the beach or driving to some other place near the coast.

The house was special to you. It was where you and your siblings grew up, and was where the extended family would get together for the summer to just enjoy each other’s company. It was where you and Frank had accidentally kissed, and was where your platonic relationship with Frank suddenly became more.

(Although, no one else knew that.)

The house was where you felt, for the first time in your life, truly beautiful, with Frank’s large hands exploring your body underneath the moon in the crashing waves of the beach. The house was where Frank placed his lips on yours and told you how special you were to him. The house was where Frank placed his head on top of your stomach in the sand while you ran your hand through his hair, and told you how he had never felt things the way he felt with you. The house was where you realized your feelings for Frank, were no longer one-sided. The house was where you realized that Frank was the only one for you, and will only ever be the one for you.

The house was more than just a house: it was a haven that you could escape to when things got rough; It was your sanctuary, your little bubble of good things. It was home.

You were excited to share your home with your closest friends, showing them—but never telling—why this place was so special to you, one last time.

You nod your head at David, giving him a wide smile, “Oh, yeah! We’ve already rented the campers and everything.”

“You got room for one more? Sarah and I were talking about it and she seems interested.”

“Sure. I’m pretty sure there is enough space.”

“You guys coming?” You point your finger over to Karen and Curtis, who both eagerly nod their heads, smiles playing out on their faces.

“When are we leaving?” Karen asks, dragging her fork across her empty Tupperware container.

“Three days after graduation. We’ll be gone for two weeks, I think? I have to double check. But Frank and I are taking one of the large campers, so you and Sarah could bunk with us.”

Your three friends’ faces drop, the smiles slowly disappearing at your statement. You furrow your eyebrows in confusion.

Did they all have something to do during that time? That’s going to pose a problem seeing as you and your parents have already placed down the deposit for the campers.

“What?” You ask them, looking from each of their faces and finding that Karen and David nervously looked from Frank to you while Curtis stared straight at him. You turn your head upwards, looking at Frank who stared at each of them with a hard look and a clench in his jaw.

He doesn’t even look at you.

A slight panic starts to creep into your soul, your gut feeling telling you that something is wrong, which is pretty obvious. Your stomach is slowly sinking to the bottom of your body and your breathing is starting to pick up. The loud volume of the lunchroom seems to drown out, your mind focusing in on only the people in front of you.

Curtis maintains strong eye contact with Frank, giving him an equally hard stare. His voice drops a couple of octaves, “You didn’t tell her?”

“Not now, Curtis,” Frank grits out, his eyes narrowing at his friend.

“Tell me what?” You hurriedly interject, removing your leg from Frank’s lap and sitting forward at the table. You look from Curtis’ sympathetic look to you, to Frank’s averting eyes.

No one says anything.

Karen and David fidget in their seat, clearing their throats and fiddling with themselves at the sudden awkwardness that encompassed the table. The panic is now in full motion and the desperation that accompanies it is disorienting. There is something not being said, and the fact that it involves Frank makes the situation that much worse.

You can handle Curtis or David hiding something from you, even Karen, but not Frank. Frank always tells you everything right away, no questions asked. If he’s hiding something, it means that it’s going to hurt. You start to mentally prepare yourself for whatever it is.

“Can someone please tell me what’s going on?” You try to keep your voice steady as you address the table, but the crack in your voice betrays your efforts. Everyone can see and hear the desperation in your voice, and they can only look in sympathy.

It’s not their place to say it, but Frank’s silence is pushing them on.

He can barely look at you, keeping his eyes straight ahead. He knows if he looks at you then his resolve would come crashing down. He wanted to tell you at a better time. Not in a school lunchroom with everyone watching.

“Frank?” you plead, looking at the side of his face, watching him take a deep swallow that moves his Adam’s apple while softly shaking his head at Curtis.

You turn your head to Curtis. He slowly tears his eyes away from Frank, meeting your worried eyes.

“Curtis?” You gently ask.

Curtis has been friends with Frank for a long ass time, and the things shared between the two of them were meant to only stay between the two of them. But when you’re staring at him like the world depended on it, with every emotion clear on your face, Curtis was finding it hard to maintain the pact.

He takes a glance to his friends seated beside him, who gives him a questioning glance, wondering if he really was going to be the one to say it. He sees David give a small nod of his head. He turns his head over to Frank, and he’s stuck between a rock and a hard place again.

If there was desperation in your eyes, he doesn’t want to know what’s in Frank’s. Frank stares at him with a look of anger and need, despairingly pleading to not say what was on his mind.

Curtis sighs and drops his head. Frank’s gonna kill him.

“Frank enlisted for the Marines,” Curtis tells you, head down and his gaze trained on his folded hands, “He gets shipped out a week after graduation.”

Time seems to stop when Curtis utters those horrible words.

Enlisted? The Marines?

Frank never told you anything about the military. He never told you that he was planning to enlist, he’s never even told you he liked the military. But all of a sudden, he’s decided he wants to be involved when there is a literal fucking war happening?

Frank was smart to not have told you because there is no way in hell you would ever let him sign up. There is no way in hell you are going to let him go.

Your heart feels as though it’s been ripped out of your body and heavy weights have been placed onto your shoulders. You can barely breathe. There seems to be a hundred different thoughts running through your head, and yet none at the same time.

The room is spinning and you need something to grab onto, but your anchor feels a hundred yards away. Frank is sitting right next to you but you already feel like he’s been shipped out overseas and out of your reach, out of the safety of your arms.

You want to cry, you want to scream, you want to hit him, but your body is frozen.

You slowly lean back into the hard, plastic seat at your lunch table, unable to meet the eyes of everyone around you.

He’s going to war.

Nobody goes to war and comes back the same. You’ve taken AP Psychology; you know what happens to the brain during that kind of trauma.

He didn’t even tell you. He’s leaving in less than three weeks and he didn’t even tell you. He told everyone else, but you. You wonder who else knows.

Do his teachers know? Do other students in his classes know. Does Natalie Rushman know? Has everyone known this entire time and have just been hiding it from you, putting on fake smiles and laughs in front of you while they hide the dark, life-altering truth behind your back?

The dread that filled your body is slowly being replaced with a blinding rage that numbs you from head to toe. Your fingers are clenching into a fist so tight, that your nails are making crescent indents on your palms and your teeth are grinding too hard for it to be healthy.

The stares from your friends go unnoticed by you. They can see the change in your body and all they can do it glance at one another.

“(Y/N)?” Karen gently calls to you. Your head snaps up, your narrowed eyes meeting her gentle ones and you are suddenly brought back to reality. Your friends look at you with curiosity and you know you only have one option.

You grab the backpack by your feet and stand up from the table, leaving your plate behind alongside your friends, quickly making your way out of the lunchroom despite the thirty minutes still left of lunch.

You don’t know where you’re going, you just know you have to leave.

The table sits in silence, unsure of what to do with the residing feelings of anger at the table. Frank’s elbows are propped up on the table, his hands folding and unfolding methodically before their eyes. They can see the muscles in his forearms tense and un-tense with the occasional vein popping out. His blood is pulsing and he can feel a powerful headache coming on.

“Y’ever think that maybe–” Frank spits out, his voice deep and gritty as he stares to the side of the lunchroom, “—just maybe, I was waiting for the right time to tell her? Hmm?”

Curtis keeps a strong hold on his gaze, his eyes and voice unwavering at Frank’s threatening tone, “The right time to tell her was when you signed up, Frank.”

“That ain’t for you to decide.”

“Telling her a day before leave is a shitty move. She deserves better than that.”

“You don’t know what the hell you’re talkin’ about— “

“Man, just shut the hell up and go find her. Tell her you love her before you lose her.”

Frank shuts up, his mouth closing and his retort dying in his throat. He looks over to Karen and David, who both give him a nod in agreement to Curtis’ statement.

Now, Frank doesn’t care much for David’s opinion, because as much as he might like the guy, David has had his own problems in relationships and whatnot. Frank is never eager to get David’s opinion on a situation, but either way he’ll find out what the guy thinks since the man is so adamant on sharing it whether anyone asked or not.

But, Karen is a different story. Frank trusts Karen with his life if necessary. She keeps her secrets and stays true to her words, guiding Frank in times when you couldn’t. She’s gentle and sweet and caring, only wanting the best for others. He values her opinion, always going to her first for help—not counting you, of course. She’s a close friend to him and an even closer one to you.

So, when Frank sees Karen nod her head at him, silently encouraging him to fix his error, he goes. He follows the direction you left in, not caring that he left his trash on the table or his backpack or anything necessary for his next class; He only cares about you.

You had no other place to go but the library.

You couldn’t leave campus and you weren’t about to go to a teacher’s class and have to explain the reason why tears were falling down your face.

The library is the only place where you could successfully hide and not be found.

Unless of course the person searching for you is Frank Castle, who is not only a master in the game of hide-and-seek, but also knows you too well. He finds you with your back against the shelf of Sci-Fi books and your body angled away from the entrance to the area, furiously wiping away the tears running down your face.

He can only stare.

He’s only ever seen you cry three times: Once when your dog died, another while watching ‘Marley and Me’ and then when his dog died. All three, dog related.

So, seeing you cry—no, sob—at his own doings, is heartbreaking. He wants to reach out and touch you, but he can’t bring himself to hurt you even more. He slowly sits himself down in front of you, leaning against the adjacent book shelf and watching you cry.

His presence only makes you cry harder.

He’s the only person you want to see, and yet he’s the last person you want to see. You want him to hold you and comfort you but he’s the reason for your pain. Funny how the world works.

You both sit in silence for a while, listening to your sobs slowly die down before you stare blankly at the wall, your bodies barely touching but the heat still transferring between you two.

Your legs are stretched out over the carpet, your dirty mint green converse almost touching his black boots. A sudden wave of tired washes over you, and you would love nothing more than a nap, until you realize that you still have the rest of the school day to get through.

A bell rings out throughout the school, signaling that lunch has fifteen minutes left.

You don’t know why, but you slowly bring your head to look over at the cause of your pain, who was already staring intently at you. His body seems to perk up at your acknowledgment of him, but slowly sinks down once he sees your red and swollen eyes.

(Frank feels awful for thinking it, but you’ve never looked more beautiful.)

You feel empty, like someone opened your body and stole every though and emotion from you. You have nothing else to give, other than your empty body. A piece of your happiness has been stolen, and you’re never going to get it back.

“You haven’t even left yet, and I already miss you.” The words his Frank like a train and despite the close proximity, he feels like you’re an ocean away. Your tone sounds deflated, and your voice raw and it’s then he realizes just how much he has damaged you within the span of fifteen minutes.

He didn’t realize he had that much power.

(He doesn’t want it.)

You let out a shaky breath and scratch your nose gently and sniffling, “’M not letting you go.”

He sighs, “(Y/N)—“

“No! ‘M not. I don’t care if-if that’s illegal or whatever, but you’re not going. Not over there—Not without me.” You violently shake your head at him, repeatedly licking your lips and stuttering, just trying to get your thoughts in order.

“You’re not going over there— “

“Then neither are you!”

“I have to— “

“No you don’t! You can stay—with me. Where it’s safe. We can-we can do what we always said, y’know? We can get an apartment in the city and-and live together and get some shitty ass jobs and— “

You didn’t realize Frank had gotten closer to you because suddenly he’s holding your face in his hands and you’re staring deep into his brown eyes and you can feel yourself getting lost in the stormy sea. The hurricane of tears is flooding your eyes again and you hold onto Frank’s wrists to try and anchor yourself down.

He places his forehead against yours, closing his eyes and taking deep breaths of your scent.

Vanilla and jasmine.

Always vanilla and jasmine.

Frank hears you mumble something, something that he hopes was real but was too clouded for him to actually decipher.

“What?” He asks you, his eyes opening to meet yours.

You take a deep breath, “I said I love you.”

Imaginary fireworks explode in Frank’s head and a warm feeling floods his body. He’s on cloud nine, and only acting on impulse, but he knows it was the right choice when he brings your lips to his.

Your lips work in sync, taking each other in and holding one another like it was the last time. You wrap your arms around Frank’s neck and he brings your body into his lap, his hands running up and down your figure before settling on your hips.

The kiss is needy and desperate, and if it were possible you were never separate from him. It wasn’t the first time you’ve ever kissed Frank, but this one was certainly the best.

You both separate reluctantly, your foreheads still touching and you both breathe out, your breaths mingling with one another.

In the eye of the hurricane, everything seems to come into perspective. All choices, all statements, all actions seem purposeful. It’s an incredibly humbling experience. It’s when you find that every insurmountable problem, has a solution; Every confusing detail, comes into focus; Every miniscule item, shows its massive weight.

It’s where Frank realizes he can’t live without you.

It’s where Frank realizes, you are the only one he needs.

In this whirlwind of emotions, Frank find his single moment of clarity and a decision presents itself. A decision he doesn’t regret, a decision that only made sense to him.

“Marry me.”

And in your moment, you realized that there was only one clear answer.

“Yes.”

He’s your eye of the hurricane. You’ll endure any storm if it means he’s there.

And you won’t regret a single moment.

tag list:

@imamotherfuckingstar-lord

#frank castle x reader #the punisher x reader #frank castle #dialogue prompts #marvel #the punisher #wowowow #what am i doing #my fics

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parkerparlour · 6 years

Text

drukenly loved - p.p.

Summary: Ned’s convincing of Peter to go to a party for once in his life, and May's reminder to let loose a little for his senior year = one-or-five-too-many drinks on his part.

Word Count: 2.2k

Pairing: Senior!Peter x Senior!Female!Reader

A/N: Apologies for not posting in a while! The dreaded finals are coming up for me and I’m getting busier and busier with future college stuff. I hope you enjoy this and see y’all when I find time to write again!

gif by: @petrparkered

Peter's eyes scan the room of the party. Where's Y/N? Didn't she say she'd be here?

His drunken mind struggles to remember how you'd politely declined him earlier, saying you had some studying to do. You'd pressed a soft kiss to his cheek and told him to go have fun, waving to him as Ned drove to the party.

Honestly, once he'd heard you didn't want to come, Peter almost bailed. But his promise to Ned that he'd stay and at least try to have some fun made him forced to stay put. Put a slightly-mopey Peter mixed with Ned's pushing to have fun and May's previous mention to let loose a little, and suddenly Peter has had more drinks than he can remember.

He skirts around the crowd of dancing, heat-radiating bodies, trying to find the door, or a window, or really just any exit at all, because suddenly Peter feels trapped and stuck in a room with far too many people. Too many people who want to dance or make out or do shots, and none of them are you and he just wants to leave. His spidey senses barely give him enough time to duck his head, avoiding a ping pong ball that another table was using for beer pong.

Why did I even come here?

Peter is having the opposite of fun now. His senses feel dulled but also way too dialed up at the same time. His vision keeps swaying, and he can't tell if it's because of his body moving weirdly due to the alcohol or if he's really got something wrong with his eyes. His hands keep shifting in and out of focus, but he can see how all the hairs are raised, his spidey sense telling him to just get out. Just before he reaches the door he has to stop, one hand on the wall, eyes closed, so he can breathe slowly and regain composure. He might throw up. He hopes he won't throw up.

His head is pounding from how the music is so, so loud to him right now. It was loud since he entered, and it's only gotten louder the more he drank. He feels a migraine coming on, so he decides to push forward, out of the glass door. As it shuts behind him, the sound dulls to maybe 20% of what it was before. He takes another deep breath, the crisp fall air a great refresher.

He can feel his body working through the alcohol already, metabolism on overdrive, but it's going to be a couple more hours before he can even think about going home to May, let alone driving. He digs his phone out of his pocket as he slowly descends the steps of the house, making sure he won't trip and faceplant.

Peter squints at the screen, holding it closer to his face than necessary because his eyes are doing that swimmy thing again. God, please, I promise to never get drunk again if you just let me read this damn phone. He hunts for Ned's number before clicking it, the ringing in his ear much softer than the music was before.

Of course, Ned doesn't pick up. Peter curses quietly as he continues down the driveway. There's no way he can go back into that party without worsening his headache, and he knows Ned can drive himself home. As soon as Peter started drinking, Ned offered to be the designated driver, a fine and dandy plan. Unfortunately, Ned isn't here right now.

Peter slowly (to make sure it doesn't sound sloppy or drunk) types out a text to Ned instead, hoping that his friend glances at his phone sometime in the next hour or so. He punches each key in with more precision than necessary. "Hey, had to leave, started to panic a little. Gonna hitch a ride somehow, get home safe."

He reaches the sidewalk and he turns, deciding to sit by the white-picket fence of this rich-kid's home. Honestly, he doesn't even know whose party this is, Ned didn't give any info. He scrolls through his numbers, trying to figure out who to call, but from his limited set of friends that is even more limited in the ones he has numbers for, the only one not at this party is you.

He reluctantly taps your name, the cute selfie of you blowing up to fill the screen. He smiles at it for a second before realizing its dialing, so he presses it to his ear. He secretly hopes you won't pick up, but he knows you will.

"Peter? You okay?" Your worried voice comes through and he can't help but smile.

"'M fiiine," he slurs a little, but it's not as bad as it could be. "I juss… can you come… pick me up?"

Your laughter rings in his ear and he cups the phone happily, hoping you'll laugh again. "Did you have your first drink tonight, Pete? Of course, I just finished up anyway, I can come get you."

"My furss drink… or five… or somethin' like that, I dunno anymore." He hears your car door shut on the other end.

"Okay, my drunken, adorable boyfriend, what's the address to this place so I can get you?"

He twists his head, squinting at the house for a moment before deciding to look it up in Ned's previous text instead. "Gimme a sec…" He puts the phone on speaker so he can still talk, scrolling up into the old messages. He recites the address to you with a weird sense of clarity, like how he'd read a book aloud in class, before immediately falling back into his slight slur.

"Alright, I'm on my way… I'll be there in ten minutes, can you wait that long?"

"I'd wait foreva for youuuu," he sing songs, the phone back at his ear as he stares up into the dark night sky, at the lovely moon and the few stars he can see even with the city's light pollution.

You chuckle on the other end, "I'll see you in ten, then."

The phone clicks as you disconnect, and Peter drops his hand into his lap. He stays in that position for the entire ten minutes, not realizing his mouth has dropped open a bit as he admires the sky around him. His head is leaned back against the fence, the coarse wood catching some of his hair in a slight tug, but he doesn't care.

The sound of tires crunching on the gravel of the street makes him move though, and he spots your car. Your eyes scan the area for him, unsuccessful since he's sitting, when suddenly he stands and he's literally right by your window. You shriek, braking suddenly in a way that makes you shake a little but not smack into the steering wheel. You place a hand on your heart, mock-glaring at the boy who is cheekily grinning at you from outside. You gesture to the passenger seat and he blinks, as if suddenly realizing that's where he needs to be, and he skedaddles his way over there, plopping down in his spot and clicking the belt into place.

"Hey, Pete. You okay over there?" You ask as you start driving again, noticing how he's somehow simultaneously gravitating towards the heat of the car but the cold of the window. He has his hands outstretched to the heater but his forehead resting on the window.

"Mmmhmm," he hums, "body wants warm but head feels better with the cold."

"Ahh, a migraine," you translate his drunken speech back to him, "I assume you don't want me to take you home yet?"

He nods against the window, making a weird squeaking noise as he does so, sending him into a fit of giggles that you can't help but join in with. Suddenly his expression turns serious as he turns toward you as best he can without moving from his spot by the window.

"I love you, Y/N."

This is the clearest thing he's said tonight and you blink a couple times in shock, not expecting it.

"I-I love you, too, Peter."

Your flushed cheeks are hidden by the red light of the stoplight in front of you.

"Just makin' sure you knew," Peter mumbles, readjusting again to get the maximum area of forehead to window contact. The radio is a low murmur, calming instead of panic inducing, and combined the motions of the car it lulls him into a sleepy state.

You keep driving home, hoping your parents' party hasn't ended yet so they'll still be out. It's been a busy Friday for the people you love. Your house eventually comes into view and you sigh in relief that you don't see their car.

You pull into the driveway and park, the hitch of the curb making Peter smack his forehead against the window. He gasps, jolting backwards from the pain, suddenly awoken from his partial nap. Your hand finds the back of his head before he reels too far, almost hitting you.

"Ah, sorry!" You say, running your fingers through his hair for a moment before dropping your hand back to your lap, "I forgot to warn you about the curb."

He shakes his head, slurring as he opens the door, "Izz fine, don worry."

You watch as he makes his way up the sidewalk to your house, slow and steady, watching himself like a newborn deer in an attempt not to fall. You shake your head at his behavior, which is somehow endearing him more to you. You unlock the door and help him up the stairs, where he promptly falls onto the couch. You pull his shoes off for him, knowing your mom will get upset if the couch gets dirtied up.

You disappear for a few minutes, and after minute one, Peter can't remember where he is. He stares up at the ceiling, at the lights in it, wondering where he's seen them before. As he's beginning to think he's back in the hotel room in D.C. from sophomore year, you pop into view and his eyes snap open wide.

“Oh, hi, I forgot you werr here,” he slurs, the goofy grin back on his face after seeing you again.

You pull him up into a sitting position and slide the sandwich you made into his hands. You grab the water bottle off the coffee table and hand that too him, too, which he promptly drops into his own lap from his sleepy, drunk state.

"The carbs will help absorb the alcohol and the water is just… good for you in general," you explain as he stares at the sandwich like it's something that'll bite him instead of the other way around.

He nods slowly before taking a bite and humming in approval. You'd even smooshed it down how he likes it. You move to stand but he whines, making you stay put and watch as he eats, somehow adorable even when eating a sandwich while drunk off his mind.

You turn the TV on, volume low enough to understand but not be a nuisance. You tuck your knees up against you and you watch the TV, waiting for Peter to decide to talk. He finishes the sandwich as he watches you, his mind only hyperfocusing in on how gorgeous his girlfriend is and how lucky his to have you and he's just so happy sitting next to you like this.

He downs half the water bottle in one go and sets it back on the coffee table, groaning when the movement makes his head spin again. He lays back down, putting one hand over his eyes. You reach from your spot and turn the lights off, making it so he can have a break.

You stand, "I'll let you relax then," throwing one of the several blankets in your house over your drunk boyfriend. He greedily grasps at the soft fabric, pulling it up so far that all you can see is his head. As you start to leave the room, he clears his throat, making you turn back towards him.

"Can we cuddle?" His cheeks are bright red, a combination of the alcohol's effect on him and the nervousness at asking to do this.

You chuckle and nod. Peter's pearly white grin as all you see as he opens the blanket up, allowing you space to crawl in and lay practically on top of him with how little room there is on the couch. You settle into a comfortable spot, Peter humming his approval and pressing a kiss to your hair. One hand rests on your back, the other by his side.

Only a couple minutes later, his breathing evens out and you know he's asleep. You struggle to stay awake yourself, your half lidded eyes focused on the TV. It's partially your own fault for turning the lights off, but the blame game can come later, after a good rest.

Before you realize it, you've fallen asleep too. Your parents catch sight of this once they get home a couple hours later and your mom has to shove your dad to the bedroom before he barges in, demanding Peter get his hands off you. "Shh, she's eighteen, let her and Peter be. They're not doing anything bad, honey."

Their conversation is enough to wake you a bit, but when Peter's grip automatically tightens on your shirt, you decide there's nowhere you'd rather be than right here. So you lower your head again and pass right out.

#peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker x reader fluff #peter parker imagine #peter x reader #spider-man #spiderman #spider man imagine #**#rach writes

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esseastri · 6 years

Text

Megan Reads Oathbringer (part 9)

Happy New Year, y’all.

“Heavy Fuel” by Dire Straits is a punk!Dalinar song, sorry, I don’t make the rules.

Part 9 encompasses pages 666-753 (previous parts)

Pray for the mountain internet, please, that it lets me do this liveblog without dropping tumblr every five minutes.

okay, but Elhokar is drawing a map and I’m suddenly vaguely desperate for Elhokar/Eshonai map buddies.

I s2g every time someone calls him “the bridgeman” I just hiss protectively. HE HAS A NAME

oh snap his baby’s name is Gavinor. that’s... listen bud, your dad doesn’t deserve to have anyone named after him, sorry.

“Nice work, Elhokar.” *Gloryspren* THIS CHILD NEEDS MORE ENCOURAGEMENT, PLS, HELP HIM. BE KIND TO HIM. HUG HIM.

“Storming lighteyes, Veil thought as she watched [the food distribution].” YEAH HON, THAT GOES FOR YOU TOO, NORMALLY.

Okay, no, not quite--Shallan would probably not go so far as to send her servants to get food that could be given to the poor instead of rich people, but like... the principle stands. Shallan does not recognize her own privilege half the time, and I guess?? that “Veil” noticing it... might? be a step in the right direction? But... probably not until she fuses her multiple identities back into one person.

And that doesn’t seem like it’s happening any time soon.

HOID

WHY ARE YOU WEARING SADEAS COLORS?

aw yis. storytime.

Aight, can Hoid see through Lightweaving, or can he just recognize Shallan by like... her stance and the way she moves or? HOW COOL IS HE, IS WHAT I’M ASKING HERE.

“You look like you could use the opportunity to buy me something to eat.” HOID, PLS.

“I’m not stupid enough to get mixed up in religion again.” Again. Hoid, wth does that mean.

but dear god, Hoid as a Herald would be hilarious.

THE LAST SEVEN TIMES HE’S TRIED IT. WTH, HOID, OH MY GOD.

“The sum total of stupid people is somewhere around the population of the planet. Plus one.” “Plus one?” “Sadeas counts twice.” GOD BLESS, WIT.

wait, so he wasn’t lying about the promise? About “always being there when needed” but not always knowing where or why? hm. Interesting concept. That I kind of love and wish I’d thought of first.

“Who came with you?” “Kaladin, Adolin, Elhokar, some of our servants.” I thiiiink the other bridgemen would take offense at that, but sure. Whatever.

I’m...intensely amused that chapter 69 is titled “Free Meal, No Strings.” Because I’m eleven and crude as fuck.

Idk, Kaladin, they have a point: the world is ending, so you might as well party. You can be miserable and afraid, or you can be partying and afraid. I’d go with the second.

OH OOOHHHHH OH ADOLIN CALLED HIM “KAL” AND I DIED A LITTLE BIT INSIDE

MY BOY’S GOT FRIENDS AGAIN AND HIS FRIENDS ARE ADOLIN AND I’M CRY

(but dear god, the Kadolin is real)

Also, Adolin being stupidly happy about getting a new wardrobe is giving me life, I LOVE THIS RIDICULOUS FASHION BOY

HEHEHEH Adolin is going to bring Skar and Drehy pastries from the lighteyes party, that’S SO CUTE I LOVE THIS

“What?” “What what?” “You’re going drinking with bridgemen?” “Sure. Skar, Drehy, and I go way back.” “We spent some time keeping His Highness from falling into chasms.” I’M LIVING MY CROPS ARE FLOURISHING MY SKIN IS CLEAR THIS IS ALL I EVER WANTED THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT’S EVER HAPPENED TO ME I LOVE THIS I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS.

“He felt good lots of days. Trouble was, on the bad days, that was hard to remember. At those times, for some reason, he felt like he had always been in darkness, and always would be. Why was it so hard to remember? Did he have to keep slipping back down? Why couldn’t he stay up here in the sunlight, where everyone else lived?”

The Megan-and-Kaladin-Think-the-Same-Exact-Way-and-It’s-Both-Comforting-and-Terrifying Trend continues.

Sometimes people ask me why he’s my favorite and I just. Have literally never related more strongly to another person ever, real life or fictional. It’s wild.

ADOLIN COMING TO CHECK ON KALADIN WHEN HE FALLS BEHIND WORRYING.

THERE IS TOO MUCH. STORMING. KADOLIN. IN THIS BOOK.

I love that the phrase “and you’re lighteyed today” is a normal thing now. That it changes and he can just. change it. and they’ve all accepted it. I love it.

PUNCHY GUYS.

IT’S THE ACADEMIC TERM

SWORDY FELLOWS OR SPEARISH CHAPS. AXALACIOUS BLOKE.

bless these two nerds

“Adolin Kholin was simply a good person. Powder-blue clothing and all. You couldn’t hate a man like him; storms, you kind of had to like him.”

YOU REALLY REALLY DO. He’s infectious, this sunlight boy. And I adore him.

oh no

“Should have just gone to the party” YES YES YOU SHOULD HAVE. I’M WORRY.

also, why did the illusion wear off????? Shallan, what you do?

“The stew didn’t smell anywhere near as good as Rock’s.” HEHEH Nothing does, I’m sure.

I loooooove that Kaladin gets to tell the truth about Amaram now. Drag him, my boy.

the over-friendly wall guards are makin me nervous

I’m sure there are some good men here, and a lot of good soldiers, but... who are they and where did they come from and why are they all lighteyes and.... I have sooo many questions.

......I don’t remember if the squires’ eyes turn light when they’ve been flying with Kaladin.

I don’t think they do, but I don’t remember, and now I’m thinking...maybe the highmarshal is. some kind of Radiant whose squires are all...lighteyes?

AAHH!!!!??? AAAHH!!???? A LADY SHARDBEARER!!!!!?? A LADY!!!!

Okay. That was a pretty dang good speech.

But who is shhheeee

Is she a radiant or is that an Honorblade???

Mmmmmm, Kaladin also thinks she’s a Radiant, but WHICH KIND? If she’s got a bunch of squires, it could be Windrunner, but... dangit, I just... really want to meet a Stoneward.

“In every way, she was the perfect Alethi wife--and her unhappiness crushed his soul.” IT SHOULD. SHE DESERVES BETTER.

I’m reaaaally glad that Evi recognized the Thrill as a bad thing. A monster crouching in her husband’s body.

“...the Thrill was your reward.” Reward? Dalinar, listen to your wife. Please. That is not a reward.

Dalinar, look at you go. You did try this before, the talking thing. You are talking to this angry kiddo, and you’re bad at it, but you’re trying. This isn’t very punk!Dalinar of you. I like it. I can see the bits of presentday!Dalinar poking through the Thrill-encrusted shell of punk!Dalinar. I like it.

This is such interesting character movement, gaahh.

Evi still deserves better though. “Because of a good woman’s tears” ugh the fridge doors are slowly swinging shut, aren’t they?

whhhhhhhhaaaaat

I mean, I’m not surprised, because it’s Sadeas and he’s Sadeas and of course he’s a fucking traitor, but

whhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaat

...........gross.

Shallan needs to stop getting killed, please. This is really gross.

NO, DON’T TRY TO TALK WITH A CROSSBOW BOLT IN YOUR FACE PLEASE THIS IS REALLY UNNECESSARY

I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS LEVEL OF HORROR NOVEL PLEASE TAKE IT BACK, BRANDON.

Kaladin “Good at Making Friends” Stormblessed being all sheepish at making friends easily when it took so much effort to make friends with Bridge Four, like... listen, buddy. YOU are excellent at making friends and these guys were all ready to be friends with you. The Bridge was not ready and you had to wear them down with your charm, and you did, and doesn’t that make it all the more precious that you are friends with them?

Also, I miss them. Are my boys okay, Brandon? How are they doing?

omg, Adolin, pls. Yellow?

The Wall Guards making fun of Adolin’s new wardrobe is DELIGHTFUL.

Kaladin: HELLO, FELLOW LIGHTEYES, FOR I AM SURELY A LIGHTEYES, YES INDEEDY, LOOK AT MY VERY LIGHT EYES.

Hi, I love Kaladin, I am not sure you know this about me.

“Yes, his suit was a little bright--but if they would merely spend five minutes talking to him, they’d see he wasn’t so bad.”

Kaladin.

Babe.

You’ve come. So. Far.

I’m so proud of him, oh my god.

mmmm this food shipment stuff is so weeeiiirrd. where is it coming from? why is it going?? uuugghhhhh

Part of me is like, “I love that they call Azure ‘sir’ and use male pronouns because there is no gender on the battlefield! Everyone gets treated equal!” and most of me is like “fuck this, she’s a fucking lady in command and she deserves to be known.”

also, wtf, she had them attack a monastery? Okay, I get it, you want to control the Soulcaster, but like.... you didn’t just go in there a kill a buncha monks for it, did you?

OKAY, SO MAYBE IT IS AN HONORBLADE THAT WAS DEF MY THOUGHT

but which one.

We have the Skybreaker one.......so whose is this?

Unless it’s not.

I’m

confused. and worried.

Tell me things, Brandon!

OH. But then she wouldn’t need the Soulcaster...if she had an Honorblade for Soulcasting... so she went and got the Soulcaster to...keep up appearances? Hm.

....is it awkward that Stormlight Archive has, so far, been the story of several people slowly becoming atheist (Jasnah, Dalinar) or agnostic (Kaladin) as their lives fall to pieces around them and they slowly rebuild?

Kaladin is a Good, guys.

The best.

omg, okay, but the Swiftspren is just.... LISTEN, BRANDON, YOU CAN’T GO MAKING SHALLAN A ROBIN HOOD. DON’T DO ME LIKE THIS.

I feel so bad for Elhokar.

Buddy just needs some hugs, okay.

Okay, I know logically that Roshar is Bad At Horses, but somehow it never occurred to me that they wouldn’t have archers trained on horseback. Mounted archer is just... such a very Alethi thing, especially non-Shattered Plains Alethi. I didn’t realize, but of course they wouldn’t have that. Horses are too rare.

aight, I didn’t really think Sadeas had betrayed them THIS early on, but STILL, I was so hoping...

Still, rockslide ambush is... a pretty solid strategy for dealing with a Shardbearer.

Sucks for his elites tho. They did not deserve that. That’s shitty.

“They must know the punishment for broken oaths.” Huh. Even back then...

“for none shall remain to weep.” #YIKES, my dude. y i k e s.

punk!Dalinar needs to take a chill pill.

And maybe get some sleep.

Listen, if the Thrill is telling you not to sleep, yOU SHOULD PROBABLY SLEEP.

also, any time you are actually LISTENING to SADEAS? You should probably rethink your life and your choices.

Just saying.

So... presentday!Dalinar had a conversation with Taravangian, about sacrificing the few to save the many. That’s...sort of what Taravangian’s entire plan for world domination salvation rests on. But now here...at the Rift. This is 100% Sadeas’ argument: sacrifice the ten thousand commoners living in the Rift to make an example of their highlords to stop any rebellion further down the timeline that might result in more soldiers’ deaths. Which gives ...a really fascinating insight into just how incredibly far Dalinar has come. past!Dalinar is literally employing the exact plan that Taravangian is trying to do on a worldwide scale, and so he knows it. He understands the consequences that Taravangian can’t know and can’t anticipate and refuses to consider. And present!Dalinar learned from this, and knows what end these means lead to and...refuses. To do it again.

It’s SUCH an interesting character progression. And it’s absolutely fascinating to see it laid out in this order--to see the good, honorable man we know and love first and to see this...monster that he was and see exactly how very much he’s grown... It doesn’t excuse this bad period, the good he’s doing now, but maybe it explains it a little bit. Dalinar is getting a redemption arc and we didn’t even realize that he needed one until he’s almost done with it.

And that’s some badass non-linear storytelling for you.

Also past!Dalinar can get fucked by a cactus, holy shit, what an unbelievable fuck.

nooooo wonder Kadash leaves and becomes an ardent.

hoooooly shit.

“We’ve gone too far.” YA FUCKING THINK??

Meanwhile, Sadeas: “Nonsense!”

Fuck Sadeas, uuugghhhh I’m so glad he’s dead. UUGGHHH

what

the

fuck

THAT JUST HAPPENED.

Fun facts, y’all, the refrigerator is now on fire.

hoooollly fucking shiiiiiiit

WELP

#op #Megan reads OB #Oathbringer spoilers #Stormlight Archive #Oathbringer #THAT HAPPENED. ALL RIGHTY THEN.#what the fuck brandon

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black-th1rt3en · 6 years

Text

End the new year with a POP and a BANG!

⠀

ʜᴀᴘᴘʏ ɴᴇᴡ ʏᴇᴀʀ!

ᴶᴼᴷᴱᴿ'ˢ ᴿᴱˢᴼᴸᵁᵀᴵᴼᴺ: ᶠᵁᴺ ᴼᵛᴱᴿ ᴹᴼᴺᴱᵞ!

WARNING!: mature content y’all!!

⠀

Also there’s a video that goes with this! I just posted it separately

⠀

COLORS FLOATED WITH A RUBBER SHEEN, anchored by a taut plastic string tied around wads of colorful monopoly cash. None of it was real, even in the ridiculous amount - all fifty million of it.

⠀

The balloons would waver in the slight breeze, sometimes dragging the cash-kedge around until they’d hit against each other and bounce back like a speed-bag. It made an uncomfortable squeak each time it happened, and it was the first thing he woke up to.

⠀

The second was a horrible cold, which short analysis served to reveal his stark nakedness in an uninsulated room. Wide open with all but the windows and doors closed - revealing a grayscale warehouse between the rows of rising color. Down there was a pool of black, the scent ripping at his senses as it glared back at him in the dull reflection of some dull lights hanging above, shading the world in a soft rainbow.

⠀

“Wha…” His lips were numb. Everything was numb and heavy, and his arms… was that rope? He couldn’t move them. He struggled, the friction rubbing at his skin and drawing lines of blood until they hit on the ledge below him. Dripping like a soft faucet. His tongue felt heavy as drool began to fall from his lips, also numb.

⠀

A door slammed open out of his line of sight, and then a voice; one from nightmares, stuff twisted from rotten candy and bloodied lips vibrated through the air like a bolt of lightning. “Wakey wakey, eggs n’ shakey!” There was a string of giggles that followed, mirth seeping into the echoing words, “Did sleeping beauty get all rested up? I sure hope so! It’d be hilarious if you looked bad at your own going away party.”

⠀

There was a short hiss, metal on metal, and a flicker of white came into vision: the sight of metal reflecting light. “Thing is, I don’t know if the rest of the invitations got lost, or no one wanted to see your sorry carcass burst into flames, but no one is here but you and me! Here I was thinking that roasting marshmallows is still a hip thing ta do at partiessss. Suppose I must’ve been wrong.”

⠀

He came into view - the Joker - appearing menacing as ever, green hair long and lanky and pushed back from his face, purple suit tailored and the knife coming full circle as he swung his arms in wide gestures. Every movement was followed with wide, god fearing eyes.

⠀

“You know - wait, wait waiiiiiit - how rude of me, are you cold?” He gestured to the stark nakedness of the man, who was shivering in nothing but his slick skin and a leaf to cover the more…uh, private of areas. “Anyways, y’know so I’ve got a story to tell you, right? It’s actually kinda funny, ha, becoz you’re in it! So, sooooo, I’m sitting in my nice ol’ abode makin’ preparations for the New Years party and I get a nice hospitality call from Niko and you know what he says? Apparently some complete idiot decided to steal all the funds for my little project. So P O O F! A magic transition from this year to the next is gone, because I’m left with next to nothing.”

⠀

The Joker doesn’t laugh this time.

⠀

“I’ll make it work though, I always do. But I couldn’t help but find something funny in it. You know what’s funny about it? Hmmmm? Maybe even, very p o s s i b l y the funniest thing I’ve ever heard?” He leers, teeth bared in a horrible play of a smile. “The thought, the smallest inkling even, that you thought you could burn me and get away clean.”

⠀

Balloons around him, that horrible deadly simper playing on his lips; eyes blacker than death, like two gaping holes that were accentuated by the harsh lines shadowed in his face - he made the devil look pleasant.

⠀

“Bo...B...Boss I sswearya’ve got the wrong idea here - !”

⠀

He laughed, coldly this time, and the absolute chill in his faux amusement pinched harder than the atmosphere of the room.

⠀

“Wrong idea? Wrong idea?!?” He lunged forward, knife reappearing in his grasp and pressing tightly to the man’s quivering bottom lip in a clear message. “Nossiree! You’ve got the wrong i d e a to think that I wouldn’t do this,” He gestured vaguely around him, “when you decided to stab ol’ Uncle Joker in the back. Did ya think I’d let it go to waste?”

⠀

He was seething, foaming at the corners of his mouth and looking like some rabid dog. He turned away, breathing quickly from his nose before his head tucked back to look ahead, gaining some semblance of calmness.

⠀

“Either way I suppose I should thank you,” he laughed shortly, breathlessly here. “just because I realized that full-scale isn’t always the route to really kick things off. I know I seem the flashy type and all, and I really truly am, but maybe jussss’ maybe my New Years resolution will entail me enjoying more of the smaller things in life, like balloons, and miscellaneous flammable stuff, then of course lighters… can’t be complete without a nice one from 7-11 amirite?” He pulled one seemingly from thin air, “Look it’s even got some smiley faces on that and… blood? Ha, I remember, poor register guy didn’t even see it comin for him. He heee.”

⠀

A pause, and he grimaced.

⠀

“Ahh, I’ve gotten off track, where was I, again?”

⠀

He looked thoughtful for a moment and glanced at his wrist as if to check his time but there was no watch, and the man murmured past the knife a barely distinguishable answer.

⠀

“Sh, yeah, I remember! Okay, so you went all houdini with my bucks, leaving just enough for me to throw this little hooplah together last minute to satiate the need for a colorful New Years. I mean if you’re not afraid to burn me, and presumably my money too, then why should I not return the favor? Gracious of me, right? I thought so too.” He giggled some, twisting the blade so it knicked his skin enough to spur feeling but turning the sharp part inwards to allow some restrained movement for a response. “What do you think?”

⠀

“Pleas...please boss. I swear, I’ve got a family..! I swear to you - “

⠀

“You s-suh-suh-swear to me? That’s cute. Cos I could’ve sworn the man on that tape with fifty million of my bucks in tow was you. It’s all here again now, but in monopoly form...” he tapped the knife against the inside of the man’s cheek a few times. “But if we’re making promises, I guess I should re-iterate-uhhh that this is going to hurt, a lotttttttt. And I can say that with about 99% confidence, the one percent being that I’ve never personaly experienced it before, I’ve just got a very good guess. Just make sure to give it a Yelp review if you survive, yeah? I mean I don’t know if you’re fingers will work if that does miraculously happen, but I’m all into miracles.“

⠀

He drew the knife back, and in a single cat-like movement he concealed himself behind the man who was staring forward with blood dripping from his lip and tears streaming from his eyes. He shook his head, moaning incomprehensible pleas. The Joker pushed the chair forward, the scraping of the chair sounding like individual screams as it scraped on the floor and neared him towards the cesspool of black.

⠀

He’d almost forgotten, what between the pain in his hands and the bitter cold and the ramblings of a madman - now his eyes, blurred by their own sorrow, could hardly look away from the fate below, accentuated by the little happy balloons floating around like it really was some sort of pathetic pity party.

⠀

“Money’s miniscule in the grand scheme of things my boy, just gotta enjoy what you’ve got right in front of you.” He snickered, “I mean I surely will, but that’s because I’m not the one covered in flammable gel and about to go skinny-dipping in a fire-hot tub. Literally!”

⠀

The Joker kicked the legs of the chair, watching as the foundation toppled to favor its weight forward and let the man capsize forward into the pool. It was deep enough for him to sit upright, but he’d certainly broken a shin or knee or two on the way down if those pop-pop-pops meant anything.

⠀

The Joker looked on, a cruel smile lilting at his lips and reaching into the depths of his eyes until the small flame from the lighter betwixt his fingers was reflected in them. He extended his arm into the open space then watched it drop down… falling down into the pool as a fire erupted and climbed over the expanse of the surface.

⠀

A balloon popped in the air, a short blaze glittering from the inside and tinted pink from the color of the plastic before it wilted and fell, sending off a concatenation of similar sounds and blazing colors. The Joker hooted, hands clapping together at the shows as he quickly went to the door to avoid unnecessary collateral damage. The fire had yet to draw to the little oil-fish swimming in his little death pool.

⠀

“Liquified-petroleum is light, light enough to fill balloons and very very flammable, and obviously oh so very cheap.” More pops, some so loud they sounded like a line of firecrackers. “I would stay to enjoy the show, but I think I’ll peak this one from the outside.”

⠀

The building shook as the pops became more frequent, until his voice wouldn’t have been heard if he was shouting. But he’d gone through the door, and by now the flames were everywhere and even the water couldn’t save the greedy-fish-man. Everything was burning - from the Monopoly money to the stone floors - and he was burning with it.

⠀

The cacophony of explosions followed the Joker into the night, and a small distance down the street he stopped to turn on his heel and reach into his pocket for some confetti. He’d intended to throw it at the traitor but must’ve forgotten in his excitement, so he gathered it in his palm and threw it into the air, watching as the little shreds of paper floated and danced in the breeze. Some drifted away, some fell down.

⠀

He watched quietly, humming a short tune as his eyes traced the inflamed outline of the building, little embers rising to fill the night with color. There would be fireworks later, it wasn’t quite midnight yet.

⠀

“We buy balloons, we let them go…”

⠀

And surely enough as the flames engulfed the roof of the building, some balloons escaped in the patches unharmed and floated freely into the night, full of vibrancy until the black sky swallowed them whole.

#joker’s new year #balloons #colorful explosions #death #theres a video with it too #american psycho reference #joker loving the sound of his own voice #one sided dialogue #the joker #batman #one shot

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thelastspeecher · 7 years

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Stan Pines, Farmhand - Chapter 16: This is How the World Ends

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 AO3

Holy shit, it’s finally done! I’ve been working on this fic since October, and this AU series for over a year! But it’s done! I mean, as done as I’ll ever be; the multichaps are over, and all that’s left are random posts or ficlets I might make about it. Thank you guys for all your support, it has been lovely, and so wonderful to write this, with all the love you guys have given me for my nonsense. I love y’all, and I hope this is a satisfactory ending. In this, the final chapter, plot lines are resolved, there is yelling and hugging and reconciliation, and Angie tells Ford off. Enjoy~

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August 14, 2012

Emily winced as the shouting from her parents’ bedroom reached new decibels.

“I’ve never heard them fight like this before,” she said quietly.

“I wanna know what they’re saying,” Mabel said. “But the last time Grunkle Stan caught me eavesdropping, he grounded me. And then he said that if he caught me again, he’d cut off my ears, so I couldn’t do it anymore. He probably won’t do that, but I asked for some cute earrings for my birthday, so…”

“Ya don’t wanna risk it,” Emily finished. Mabel nodded. “I can try to listen, if ya want,” Emily offered. “It’s not like they can really ground me anymore.” Mabel beamed.

“Thanks!”

“You got it, cuz.” Emily ruffled Mabel’s hair on her way to her parents’ bedroom. She pressed an ear against the door.

“I’m not gonna apologize for protectin’ you. You and the kids,” Stan said firmly.

“Ya didn’t protect me! Ya lied to me!”

“Bullshit.” Stan’s short response was enough to stop Angie in her tracks.

“Excuse me?”

“That’s bullshit. I protected you. I protected the kids. Do you have any clue what woulda happened if I hadn’t kept all of this a secret? Even with all the precautions I took, Bill still almost got the house this summer.” Emily’s eyes widened.

Dad knows about Bill? Did he overhear Uncle Ford talkin’ ‘bout him?

“Who the hell is Bill and what does he have to do with ya lyin’ to me fer thirty fuckin’ years?!” Emily’s jaw dropped.

I didn’t know Ma even knew real swear words.

“Bill’s the asshole demon that possessed Ford and pushed ya down the stairs thirty years ago,” Stan said.

Wait, what? Bill hurt Ma?

“All the more reason ya should’ve talked to me ‘bout this!” Angie said fiercely. “If Bill is such an evil, manipulatin’, powerful bein’, ya needed someone to help ya out.”

“Clearly, I didn’t,” Stan snapped. There was a long, drawn-out silence.

“Clearly,” Angie said in a subdued voice.

“Angie,” Stan started. Emily could picture him moving toward her mother, reaching out his arms to comfort her.

“Leave,” Angie said. Emily blinked.

That’s not usually how fights end with them.

“…What?” Stan asked, like Emily, taken aback.

“Leave me be, Stanley Pines. I need some time to myself.”

“You just got back, though.”

“I know.” Emily winced at her mother’s choked-up voice. “I don’t want to be alone, I don’t want to be apart from ya. Yer not the only one with old issues resurfacing.” Stan said something so quietly that Emily couldn’t make out what it was. “Yes,” Angie said. “So ya can understand why it hurts me to send ya away. But- but we can’t sleep in the same bed tonight, Stan.”

“…Fine.” There were footsteps. Emily moved away from the door just before it opened. Stan looked at his daughter. “Squirt, how many times do we have to tell ya not to eavesdrop?” he said tiredly, closing his bedroom door.

“I wasn’t eavesdropping!” Emily protested.

“Kid.”

“Okay, maybe I was. But it was for a good cause!”

“Mabel asked ya?”

“Yeah, but I was gonna do it anyways.”

“Figures.” Stan took a seat on the floor in the hallway. Emily sat down next to him.

“Are ya sure you’ll be able to stand up again?” she asked. Stan sighed.

“Now’s not the time,” he said. Emily looked down.

“Sorry.”

“Not yer fault. Nope, it’s my fault. All of it.” Stan groaned. “This isn’t how today was supposed to go. The first day of seein’ yer ma in months, well, if I hadn’t messed up like this, there’s no way we’d be spendin’ it in separate beds. Can’t really do what we planned on in-”

“Dad.”

“Right.”

“It does suck, though,” Emily said. “You thought Ma would be happy to have Uncle Ford back, and that Uncle Ford would be happy to be back and wouldn’t punch ya. And ya didn’t think you’d be worried about yer twin stealin’ yer family from ya.” Stan looked at Emily, startled.

“What?”

“Dad, I was there. I was there durin’ yer very questionable run for the mayor of Gravity Falls. I was there when ya started gettin’ worried over Uncle Ford and Dipper playin’ that weird graph paper game. The same one Danny ‘n Daisy like fer some reason. I’ve seen how nervous ya are that Mabel and Dipper like him better.”

“Damn. You’re too smart for yer own good, kiddo,” Stan said quietly.

“I know.” Emily leaned against Stan. “Things’ll work out.”

“Ya keep sayin’ that.”

“That’s ‘cause it’s true. It’ll just take a while is all.”

“Don’t have much summer left fer that.”

“So?” Emily asked.

“Never mind.”

“No, tell me!”

“Nope. Help me up, will ya,” Stan said. Emily groaned.

“I guess.

-----

August 17, 2012

There was a gentle knock on Ford’s door.

“Come in,” Ford said, concentrating on shaving. The door opened.

“Uh, Stanford, why are ya holdin’ a lighter so close to yer face?” Angie asked, staring at him.

“Hmm? Oh, I’ve found that this is much faster than traditional shaving.”

“And more dangerous,” Angie said. She took a few steps into the room and closed the door behind her. “Stanford, I didn’t get a chance to talk to ya yet. Between the jetlag and the…emotional roller coaster, I’ve been too exhausted. But I’ve gotten some rest, and feel refreshed. Which means we need to discuss what happened thirty years ago, and what’s happenin’ now.”

“Okay.” Angie took a seat on the couch and patted a spot next to her. Ford reluctantly joined her.

“Look, I’m glad to see ya. But you made one hell of a mistake back then,” Angie said shortly. “Fidds told ya not to get dark magic involved, but ya still made a deal with a demon, and just about all of us paid the price.”

“I’m sorry about that. I didn’t think Bill was-”

“Ya didn’t think a literal demon was bad news? Stanford, yer supposed to be a genius. Act like it,” Angie snapped. Ford stared, surprised to hear such a cruel tone from her. “Ya don’t owe me an apology just fer makin’ a deal with Bill. Ya owe me an apology fer pushin’ me down those stairs. Ya put me in a coma. My arm was broken. I had to go through speech therapy ‘cause my stutter came back. And my fam’ly was put through hell worryin’ ‘bout me. Worryin’ ‘bout Fidds, and Stan, and you. Stanford, we were terrified fer you.” She sighed. “And then Stan told us that you were dead.”

“I know. I’m not very pleased with that.”

“Don’t matter whether yer pleased with that. Ya still owe some apologies. And ya need to thank Stan fer bringin’ you back. Emily told me ya never did that.”

“I’m not going to thank Stan for endangering the entire universe,” Ford snapped. “And I’m sick of your judgmental tone!” Angie glowered. Ford immediately regretted his words.

“Yer over fifty years old, Stanford Pines. So why are ya actin’ like a child? And I should know what a child acts like. I raised five of ‘em.”

“…Five?”

“Someone had to help Fidds with Tate. You left a mess behind, and instead of thankin’ folks fer cleanin’ it up, or apologizin’ fer makin’ it, yer lashing out at yer own damn fam’ly. My tone may be judgmental, but I’ve got good reasons to judge ya. I have no clue what is so broken between you and Stan that ya can’t even recognize what he did fer you. Was it perfect? No. But it was still an enormous undertaking.”

“I can’t thank someone who put my safety above others’.”

“That’s what Stan does,” Angie said softly. Ford looked down, her words connecting with the guilt he’d had in the back of his mind. Angie played with her hands. “Okay, I just have one thing left to say ‘fore I go hide from my husband some more.”

“What?”

“Don’t try to keep Dipper and Mabel away from the weirdness of Gravity Falls.” Ford stared at her, thinking about what Stan had told him.

“Why not?”

“They’re kids. They’ll mess with things ya tell ‘em not to.” Angie sighed. “Over thirty years of bein’ a dad, you’d think Stan would’ve figured that part out. But I prefer that you encourage them to look into things. To be curious. That way they know how to be safe ‘bout it. Stan was right, Gravity Falls is dangerous. But only if ya don’t know what yer doin’. So show ‘em. But show ‘em how to be safe, too. No matter how difficult it is to break yer habit of throwin’ caution to the wind.” Angie smiled weakly. There was a hesitant knock.

“Yes?” Ford said. Dipper opened the door.

“Great-Uncle Ford, I was wondering if you had any research you wanted to do today. Mabel wants me to help plan our birthday party, so I thought I should check in first.” Dipper noticed Angie sitting next to Ford. “Oh, hi Grauntie Angie.”

“Howdy there, kidlet,” Angie said.

“Actually, Dipper, yes, I do have something I could use your assistance on,” Ford said. Dipper’s eyes widened eagerly.

“Really?”

“Yes,” Ford said. Angie patted Ford’s leg.

“I’ll leave you two kooks to do yer research.” Once the door had closed, Dipper looked at Ford.

“So, what do you need me to help with?”

“You recall the containment for the rift, yes?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, it’s cracking.”

-----

Emily hesitantly opened the door to her parents’ bedroom.

“Ma?” she said cautiously. Her mother looked up from the book she was reading and smiled.

“Hey there, sweetling,” Angie said, putting her book to the side. Emily sat on the bed next to her. “What’s the reason fer ya stoppin’ by? Thought you were workin’ in the gift shop right now.”

“I had Wendy cover me fer a few minutes,” Emily replied.

“That Corduroy girl is somethin’ else,” Angie said.

“Yeah. Look, Ma, here’s the thing. Dad is- he’s really upset. Like, really upset and-” A stormy expression gathered on Angie’s face. “-and that’s clearly not what I should be talkin’ about.”

“I know yer dad feels bad fer what he did,” Angie said slowly. “And he should.”

“I know! I know he should feel bad. But maybe give him a break?” Emily suggested. Angie shook her head.

“No,” Angie whispered in a broken voice. “No, I can’t. Not yet. He lied to me longer ‘n you’ve been alive.”

“Ma-” Emily started.

“Leave me alone,” Angie said suddenly.

“What?”

“Em, I need some time alone.”

“But-”

“Emily Marlene Pines, leave me be!” Angie snapped. Tears were standing in her eyes. Emily bit her lip.

“Sorry, Ma, I didn’t mean to-”

“I know you didn’t, but I just can’t handle talkin’ ‘bout yer father right now,” Angie whispered. She rubbed her eyes. “Go, sweetie. I don’t want ya to see me cry like this.”

“Ma-”

“I mean it! Get goin’!”

“O-okay,” Emily stammered. She stood up and walked over to the door. Before she left, she looked back at her mother. Angie’s head was in her hands, her shoulders shuddering from the force of her sobs.

“Yer ma’s still angry, huh?” a voice asked, the second Emily had closed the door behind her. Emily spun around, startled. Stan was in the hallway, looking abashed. Emily rubbed her face.

“Dad, I think she’s beyond angry right now. Ya know how important tellin’ the truth is to her. Everyone’s upset, including Mabel and-”

“Wait, Mabel’s still upset?” Stan interrupted.

“Uh, yeah.”

“I thought I talked her down.”

“Well, I saw her a few minutes ago and she was crying. And I was goin’ to ask Ma fer help, but I brought you up, and that pissed her off, so I had to leave ‘fore I could ask.” Stan frowned. Emily recognized the look. “What are you thinkin’ ‘bout?” Stan rubbed his chin.

“I’ve been wonderin’ if I should try that McGucket conflict resolution thing with Dipper and Mabel.”

“Is that the same thing you and Ma had me do with Daisy?”

“Yeah. It worked with me and Ford, and we were way past what Dipper and Mabel are dealin’ with, so it should work for them.” He sighed. “I’ve just been hopin’ that I wouldn’t need to, that they’d figure it out on their own.”

“Dad…”

“I know, I know. I shoulda tried to fix things sooner.” They heard the bell of the gift shop door jingle. Voices carried to where Stan and Emily were standing.

“Dipper and Uncle Ford are back,” Emily said quietly. She looked at her dad. “Now’s as good a time as any.”

“Yer right. Go fetch Mabel, I’ll handle the nerds. A fam’ly discussion is long overdue.”

-----

Soos walked into the living room, closely followed by Angie.

“I brought her, dudes,” Soos said, gesturing to Angie. She frowned.

“Jesus, you weren’t serious about the salamander you claimed to have found, were ya?”

“…No,” Soos admitted. Angie sighed and took a seat on the floor.

“Fine. What’s goin’ on here? An intervention?”

“I think so,” Mabel said slowly. Her eyes were still red-rimmed from crying earlier. “But I don’t know what it’s about. I mean, after the last one, I stopped using glitter in everything I bake!”

“This isn’t about glitter,” Emily, who was standing near one of the exits, said. “It’s about how everyone in this house is upset, but no one’s doin’ anything ‘bout it. Ma’s avoiding Dad, Uncle Ford won’t explain whatever he’s doin’ in the basement, and I guess forgot how manners work, and now Dipper and Mabel are havin’ issues, too!” Angie looked at Dipper and Mabel, concerned.

“Is that true?” Angie asked. Mabel looked away. “What happened?”

“Ahem, I’m the moderator,” Emily said. Angie raised her eyebrows. “…Ma. But anyways, yeah, Dipper and Mabel, go ahead and explain what happened.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Dipper said, crossing his arms.

“Yeah right, apprentice,” Mabel scoffed. Dipper stared at her.

“How do you know about that?”

“The walkie-talkies! Doy!”

“Wait, catch me up here,” Angie said, “Dipper’s an apprentice?”

“Great-Uncle Ford asked me if I wanted to be. I’d stay here in Gravity Falls and help him with his research,” Dipper explained. Angie crossed her arms and glared at Ford.

“He asked ya that, huh?”

“And Dipper agreed!” Mabel burst out. She sniffled. “He’s- he’s gonna stay, and I’m gonna leave, and-”

“But this is a huge opportunity for me,” Dipper said to Mabel.

“It’s a horrible opportunity for me!” Mabel shouted. “You’re- you’re supposed to be the person I can count on. I don’t wanna leave Gravity Falls behind, but- but when I thought you were gonna come back home with me, that was all right. Now you’re not? I- I don’t wanna grow up without you!”

“Hold on,” Angie interrupted. Mabel and Dipper looked at her, but she was still staring at Ford, clearly furious. “Stanford, ya didn’t consult anyone about any of this.”

“I-” Ford started.

“If yer goin’ to ask a boy to leave his fam’ly behind, talk to ‘em first! I mean, I don’t think Caleb and Amelia would actually be comfortable with this. But now ya went and got his hopes up over somethin’ that, logistically, won’t happen.”

“Caleb and Amelia would be ecstatic, given my educational background and experience,” Ford said.

“Just ‘cause yer smart don’t mean ya make good decisions,” Angie snapped. Ford glowered.

“The boy needs space to develop his intellect! He’s been suffocating, tied down by a twin that he’s never been apart from!”

“Is that what you really think?” Mabel whispered. Dipper stared at his twin, devastated.

“No! I- I never said that, Mabel, I promise!”

“But you were gonna leave me.”

“I-” Dipper stopped. “I don’t want to,” he said quietly. “I don’t think I ever wanted to. I just got caught up in, y’know, the coolness of it all. Being an apprentice to the author of the journals. Saving the world and whatever. But I’d be spending my teen years cooped up in a basement, and without you. And I don’t want that.” Mabel smiled weakly at him.

“And Mom and Dad would freak,” Mabel said.

“Yeah. They would,” Dipper said. “Awkward sibling hug?”

“Sincere sibling hug.”

“See, Mabel?” Stan said, watching the two embrace. “Like I told ya, you’ve got your brother with you. You’ll be fine.”

“You’ll be fine, too, Grunkle Stan,” Mabel said confidently. She patted Dipper on the back twice and they broke apart. Stan smiled, but it was clearly insincere.

“If you say so, kiddo.”

“Actually, Dad, that’s a really good segue,” Emily said. She looked at Dipper and Mabel. “You two can leave, if ya want.”

“And miss out on all the juicy gossip? Please,” Mabel said, waving a hand. Dipper nodded.

“Yeah, like we’d leave of our own free will, when things are gonna start getting good?” Emily looked over at Stan.

“Dad, you can decide if they stay or not. It’s yer business that we’re dealin’ with next.”

“Great,” Stan muttered. He sighed. “They can stay. They’d eavesdrop even if we kicked ‘em out.”

“You know it!” Mabel chirped. Stan cracked a half-smile.

“All right, then. Onto Dad’s issues,” Emily said. Stan closed his eyes with a groan. “Who wants to go first, Ma or Uncle Ford?”

“Ladies first,” Ford said, gesturing towards Angie. Angie frowned.

“Sure, yer quite the gentleman when yer tryin’ to avoid talkin’ ‘bout yer feelin’s,” she said snidely. “You Pines folk ‘re all stunted emotionally, I swear.”

“Ma,” Emily intervened. Angie sighed.

“Guess I’m up first. Stan, ya did the wrong thing fer the right reason. But I can take care of myself. I don’t need unsolicited protection.”

“I know,” Stan said. “But when ya were comatose in a hospital bed, or gettin’ frustrated over how slow yer speech therapy was goin’, really didn’t seem that way.”

“The lyin’ went on past that,” Angie replied.

“Yeah. It did. I’m sorry, Angie.”

“This is the sort of thing married folks aren’t supposed to have. Secrets that go on fer thirty years. Is it any wonder I have issues lookin’ ya in the eye?” Angie asked, her voice breaking. “Is it any wonder I can’t hardly be in the same room as ya? All that time, all that time spent together, happy, raisin’ our kids. Now those good memories are- are poisoned. ‘Cause you were lyin’ durin’ ‘em.” Angie bit her lip and looked away. “Sometimes…sometimes I wondered if ya were cheatin’ on me.”

“What? Angie, I would never-”

“Cheat? But how can I trust ya ‘bout that now, knowing yer lies?” Angie shook her head. “Maybe the blame’s on me, too, though. I ain’t blind. I knew somethin’ was happenin’. I knew there was a reason you were runnin’ yourself more ragged than usual, that there was a reason ya suddenly developed an interest in what Stanford was workin’ on, that there was a reason ya had us move into yer dead twin’s house, and start up, of all things, a tourist trap. I told myself you were just grievin’ in yer own way. But I knew there was more, and if I hadn’t been too scared to actually figure out what else was goin’ on, maybe- maybe we wouldn’t be in such a rough spot right now.” Angie finished her speech with a decrescendo, getting quieter as she neared the end, until the last few words were almost a whisper.

“Angie, when we got married, you said there wasn’t anything that could make you leave me,” Stan said. He swallowed. “Is that still true?” Angie looked down.

“It hurt every day I was in Maine,” she said softly, after a pause that was far too long for Stan’s liking. “But not from old age. From missin’ you. I’m furious ‘bout all of this. But I love you and the life we built together more ‘n I’m angry.” She looked up, and there were tears standing in her blue eyes. Eyes that still had the same brilliance Stan had first seen forty-one years ago. “Stanley Pines, I can’t think of a single thing that would make me leave.” Stan smiled weakly at her. “Even with the lyin’, and my nightmares comin’ back, and everything feelin’ like it’s fallin’ apart, I- I can’t get over how much I love ya. I ain’t leavin’. I ain’t plannin’ on ever leavin’.”

“I’m sorry that I dragged us into this mess,” Stan said.

“It- it is what it is, I s’pose. All’s we can do now is try to move forward. Work on the trust stuff a bit more.” Angie and Stan shared a tentative smile. Ford, who was standing near the tank Angie kept her favorite amphibians in, frowned.

“Nightmares?” Ford asked.

“Nothin’ to write home ‘bout, I don’t think. Had ‘em a bit ‘fore Stan showed up at the farm, had ‘em a bit ‘fore you showed up at the farm, and they started up again while I was doin’ research in Maine this summer.” Angie shrugged. “But they stopped when I got back. Put me in an awful mood fer Stan tellin’ me he got you home, though. I was so exhausted and frustrated, even without the nasty things I was dreamin’. With all of it together, I almost didn’t come home.”

“Shi- shoot, Angie, if you didn’t come home,” Stan said, “I…I don’t know what I’d do. Send the kids home? Kick Ford’s a- butt for bein’ the reason?”

“Mm. Prob’ly both, knowin’ you,” Angie said. She suddenly registered the concerned look she was getting from everyone else in the room, other than her husband. “Wh- what’s the problem?”

“Bill has the ability to cause nightmares,” Ford said.

“So? The human psyche can make ‘em, too,” Angie said. Ford nodded.

“Yes, but the timing seems odd. Your nightmares tend to have surges at crucial points. Stan arriving at your house, and therefore not becoming a homeless criminal. Stan and I meeting at your house, and therefore patching things up before we became too distant. Stan telling you that I’m back, and therefore we can put a stop to Bill’s insanity once and for all.”

“When yer stressed-” Angie started.

“We set somethin’ up around the house,” Emily interrupted. “It keeps Bill’s influence out. He can’t peek into any minds here, can’t cause any nightmares. And yer nightmares stopped when ya came back.” Angie was silent.

“Violynn said that yer nightmares got so bad the first time, that yer folks almost didn’t leave,” Stan said quietly. Angie looked at him. “If yer folks didn’t leave when they did, they wouldn’t have found me. And the second time, they talked about not lettin’ Ford come over. And now…”

“…Now I almost broke yer heart, which would’ve ruined everything else,” Angie whispered.

“If Stan and I got in a physical altercation, or the kids went home, Bill would have found it much easier to gain access to the rift,” Ford said. “Frustration, anger…those emotions are ones Bill relies on. He can finetune righteous fury until it fits his own perverted needs.” Angie put her head in her hands.

“I have a million questions,” Angie said quietly, “the first one bein’ what ‘the rift’ is. But- I don’t think I’m ready fer the answer right now. I thought it was bad enough, that demon puttin’ me in a coma. But playin’ with my mind? I-”

“Yeah, it sucks,” Dipper said firmly. Angie nodded.

“Sure does, kiddo.” After a long pause, Emily cleared her throat.

“So…Dad and Uncle Ford?”

“Are we seriously still doin’ this?” Stan demanded.

“Yes.”

“It’s been a long day, I think we could use a break,” Ford said.

“Nuh-uh. If we stop now, we won’t ever finish,” Emily said, shaking her head. “So. Dad and Uncle Ford. Talk.”

“Ford, up yours.”

“What?!” Ford said.

“Dad. Not helpful.”

“Fine. Ford, thirty years ago, ya asked me to abandon my fam’ly, to save yer skin. Sure, that fight might’ve ended in me pushin’ you through the portal. But it never woulda gotten that far if you didn’t put your own bullsh- crap above everyone else,” Stan snarled. Ford glowered.

“I put my problems above others’? Stanley, you were willing to risk the universe’s safety for your family, and then later, for me!”

“I did what ya asked me to!” Stan snapped. “You asked me to help you. I did it. And after thirty years of breakin’ my back to do what ya told me to do, we won’t even talk! Goddam- gosh dangit, Ford, I thought we were past this!”

“So did I!” Ford shouted. Dipper and Mabel exchanged a wide-eyed look. “So did I,” Ford said, in a more reasonable tone. He ran a hand through his hair. “Why do we keep having this argument, over and over again?”

“‘Cause whenever ya have problems, it always happens at the worst time,” Angie suggested.

“Ma, yer not allowed to contribute,” Emily said. Angie rolled her eyes.

“No, that- that sounds right,” Ford said. “Maybe we are emotionally stunted, unable to talk things out, until it builds and builds, and the only possible result is explosive.”

“Does that mean yer gonna thank me?” Stan asked.

“Only if you apologize to me,” Ford replied. Stan frowned thoughtfully.

“I’ll think about it. But no matter what, I ain’t apologizin’ in front of the kids. They’ll think I’m soft.”

“You already said sorry to Grauntie Angie about ten times,” Dipper said.

“Eh. That’s different.”

“Are we done?” Ford asked Emily. Emily nodded.

“Actually, yeah. Huh, and it took less time than me and Daisy did.”

“Stanford, what is the rift?” Angie asked suddenly.

“Essentially, it’s a rip in the fabric of the universe, a portal of sorts between our dimension and that of Bill’s. It was created by Stanley turning on the portal,” Ford explained.

“The big problem,” Dipper jumped in. He stopped and looked at Ford, who nodded. “The big problem is that Bill can come through it if it gets too big. So Great-Uncle Ford sealed it in a snow globe.”

“The containment device is more durable than a snow globe, but continue,” Ford said.

“But now, the containment device or snow globe or whatever it is, is cracking.”

“Which means that the rift isn’t actually contained,” Angie said slowly.

“Yes. Dipper and I went to the UFO site today, to find alien adhesive to seal the containment device shut,” Ford said.

“Seems like yer tryin’ to put a bandaid over a gunshot wound,” Angie said. “That ain’t goin’ to work in the long run!”

“I just needed to buy some time, until I find a better solution,” Ford said.

“Didn’t you meet anyone in other dimensions who might be able to help out?” Emily asked. Ford paused.

“Actually, yes. But Jheselbraum is busy, and I don’t have a way of visiting her dimension.”

“Does she have a cellphone?” Mabel asked. “You could call her.” Ford rubbed his chin.

“No, she doesn’t have a cellphone…but you’re right. I could call her. Through other means, of course.”

“Great! And now that all the end of the world things are taken care of, we can finally start planning the birthday party!” Mabel said enthusiastically. Angie chuckled.

“You really have a one-track mind, don’t ya, darlin’?”

-----

September 2, 2012

Ford stood on the porch of his house, if it could be called that anymore, given the discussions that were going on about the Mystery Shack’s future.

“I can’t live here anymore,” Ford said abruptly, the night of the “intervention”. He, Stan, and Angie were enjoying some much needed alcoholic beverages.

“Why not?” Stan asked.

“It’s just changed so much. It’s not the same place I left. Even if I wanted to live in a house that also functions as a tourist trap, I can’t do that if it doesn’t feel like home.”

“Then where will ya go?” Angie asked, idly stirring her rum and coke.

“Not sure. Unless…maybe I could get the Stan O’War up and running.”

“What?” Stan said. “You- you wanna go on an ocean adventure?”

“Yes. I think it would be a nice break from all of the…”

“Drama,” Angie suggested.

“Bullshit,” Stan said.

“Well, yes, this summer has been full of both of those things.” Ford looked down at his glass tumbler. “But I don’t think I could crew her on my own.” Stan was silent. “I don’t want to take you from your family, Stan-”

“My kids are all grown up, Angie’s busy findin’ evolutionary missing links. All I do is sit around, bein’ old,” Stan said. He grinned. “Finally doin’ a trip on the Stan O’War sounds pretty great to me, Sixer.”

“You two could use some bondin’ time,” Angie added. “So’s long as ya don’t disappear off the face of the earth, I think I can handle bein’ apart from Stan fer a few months. Done it before.” She looked at Stan. “But the two of ya wouldn’t be able to leave fer a bit, y’know.”

“Oh, yeah, there’s a thing. The whole fam’ly’s goin’. I can’t go until after it.”

“That’s fine. The extra time will be useful. I can put some affairs in order, adjust the ship to be suited for my research, et cetera,” Ford said.

“Or you could come to the party,” Angie suggested. Ford blinked.

“Um, I don’t know how wise that would be. I don’t even know what it’s for.”

“A birthday. Yer welcome to come,” Angie said. She picked up on his hesitation. “But you can think about it a bit ‘fore ya make up yer mind.”

“Geez, Angie, what do ya take us for? People who think before doin’ things?” Stan asked sarcastically.

“Clearly ya aren’t, since ya haven’t discussed what you’ll do with the Mystery Shack.”

“Shut it down, obviously,” Stan said. Angie stared at him, aghast.

“And break poor Jesus’s heart like that?”

“Why do ya call him by his full name?”

“Why do ya not realize how much this dumb ole place means to him?” Angie retorted. Stan sighed.

“Like always, you have a point. Soos is a good kid. He shouldn’t have to watch the Shack shut down.” He frowned thoughtfully. “Hmm. I bet the Mr. Mystery suit would look good on him.” Angie smiled.

“That’s more like it.”

Ford shook himself out of his memories and watched his twin load up the Stanleymobile. Emily tossed Stan a large duffel bag. Stan caught it, but stumbled slightly under the weight and force of the throw. Ford smiled as Emily laughed.

“Yer losin’ yer touch, old man,” Emily said teasingly. Stan rolled his eyes and stuffed the duffel bag into the trunk.

“I’m just goin’ easy on ya. What with you bein’ my daughter and all,” Stan said. Emily snorted.

“Sure, Dad.” Ford heard the front door open. Angie walked past with another bag of luggage.

“Geez, how much crap do you guys have?” Stan asked. Angie went over to her husband.

“This is yer stuff, darlin’. And it’s the last of it.” Stan took the bag from her and put it in the car, then closed the trunk. “All right, you two, we ain’t stoppin’ fer a while. Bathroom break now or hold it,” Angie said briskly. Emily shook her head.

“I’m good, Ma.”

“Then let’s load up,” Angie said. Stan opened the door of the Stanleymobile for her, eliciting a laugh. Angie kissed him on the cheek before getting into the back seat. Emily joined her mother. Stan closed the door.

“So, where are you headed, again?” Ford asked.

“We’re gonna stop by San Diego to pick up Emmett, and then go to the farm,” Stan replied. “The whole fam’ly’s gonna be there to celebrate the triplets’ birthday.” He looked at Ford. “Includin’ Fidds, Tate, and Tate’s kids. You made up yer mind about comin’?” Ford rubbed the back of his neck uncertainly. On the one hand, he was eager to see his son and grandchildren. On the other, it had been thirty years.

The McGuckets probably wouldn’t want to see me.

“You probably need the extra space for Fiddleford,” Ford said. Stan shook his head.

“Nah. Fidds headed out yesterday,” Stan said. Angie rolled down the car window.

“I didn’t sit in the back seat fer nothin’, Stanford!” she shouted teasingly. Ford cracked a small smile.

“I really don’t know if I should intrude…”

“Intrude? Ford, it’s pretty damn difficult to crash a fam’ly gatherin’ if yer fam’ly,” Stan said. “Seriously. Ya comin’?” Ford looked at his house.

I don’t think I can call it that anymore. He looked back at his twin, his sister-in-law, and his niece. His smile grew broader.

“…Yes.”

#it is so fucking long just an fyi #but it's done!!!!!!#stanley mcgucket au #gravity falls au #gravity falls #stanley pines #stanford pines #dipper pines #mabel pines #soos ramirez #(technically he shows up so)#gravity falls oc #angie mcgucket #Emily Pines #stan pines farmhand #my writing #my stuff #speecher speaks #Stangie Family

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kae-karo · 5 years

Text

lmao so i thought someone asked for an analysis of the gwf vid like i could’ve sworn i had that ask so y’all just have to deal with me posting it anyway here ya go lads golf gone sexual™: the final edition

the fucking. the pirate outfits. the. i’m. i don’t. i can’t. (x) ‘left over from somewhere’

fucking phil ‘u lost ur stick last time i think’ yeah phil sure yeah sure okay buddy

‘choke me daddy festive edition’ @ dan pls stop

what cuties i love them just not actually knowing what they’re doing and messing it up and these awkward long pauses before they burst into a fit of giggles i love them

why did they even bring up the ‘winter update’ like it had no relevance??

crinkly boye

don’t worry i can host dan what are u even on about

phil out here coming up with a great vid name (yo ho ho) and they went with battle for the booty smh that says everything u ever need to know abt dnp

wow even in this year of 2018 we got yet another ur mum joke (and phil’s right we do love kath)

@ dan pls stop ur bf from making weird hand gestures okay that’s,,,,,it’s unnecessary

hi they cute

‘u absolute twit nipple’ how on earth does that still sound so fond what the fuck

and another ur mum joke wow i just,,,,wow

the way dan says ‘oh my god that was good’ like. he never sounds like that??? it’s a good sound he should sound like it more often idk it’s like soft and genuine in a sort of ‘wow i did okay??’ kinda cute surprised way??

‘stop talking about how close this is’ dan,,,,,,really u thought that was bad??? really??? really?????

phil’s deep-voiced yarr and dan’s literal only reaction being that he should’ve made a pun out of it leads me to believe philip does that deep voice often enough that dan is entirely unfazed and idk how i feel abt that

‘just bounced off the rim that’s how i like to play it, don’t go in, just bounce off it’ that cheeky fuckin smile daniel please can u not

lmao the pirate outfit is unlucky hm

hi i love dan’s lil trying-not-to-smile-but-just-about-to-smile smile when he’s staring at phil it makes me happy

how did they spend ten minutes (okay ten full seconds) trying to figure out the name of the wheel

dan: makes f/phat booty pun, phil: ‘they’re just filled with ass they’re not even coins’

same dan

important content

ik everyone’s said it by now but dan’s choice of adjective was great and i’m here for it (’gaily jumping off the ship’)

dan’s lil smile when phil’s ‘gaily adjusting his stance’

dimply boye

how does phil just blatantly ignore ‘phil’s edging us guys’ like idk i mean i hyperfocus too but like damn they really must just talk about that kind of stuff on a regular basis bc u don’t just tune that out y’know

phil’s distracted ‘that is so much ass’

‘yarrs’ carries the same energy as when dan made the ‘ain’t no gravy up in this kitch’ joke in the bunny biscuits vid and stared at phil and waited for his joke to be acknowledged

my kink is dan looking hilariously fond abt phil making bad sex-related comments (’it’s a strap-on’)

hey phil u know if u swear in another language it’s still swearing right?

did dan just absolutely commit to the harder flag?? without saying anything abt it? even though he lost?

phil just. out here. purposely almost-swearing. we stan

ik i saw this joke elsewhere but phil ur literally staring at a posh pirate mmkay b

i just wanna know what was going through dan’s head with ‘oingo boingo i’m a dick’ bc like. u okay there b??

ye dan we know ur geometry skills are quite lacking but glad the whole reference thing just keeps on coming up

‘they’re gonna do an exam about me and everyone’s gonna get an A star’ i mean that’s living in the phandom isn’t it? We all aspire to be phil trash, even though only One can hold the ultimate title

okay like take five seconds and take a step back they’re literally just playing golf i love how stupidly competitive they get it’s adorable

‘oh dear’ makin a comeback

plankspank.com why are they like this (at least phil didn’t buy the domain this time)

danny u have picked up ur husband’s habit of making a cawing noise whenever u get a birdie

why does he do this

physically in pain

fucking hell dan why do u have to make this so goddamn sexual i didn’t ask for this i didn’t want u talkin bout how it was a slow one and u put it in and jfc look i read phanfiction for a reason i don’t actually wanna know what ur sex life is like okay

britney spears references wow is it 2010 again or is that just all the foreplay golf,,,,,play,,,,,

dan,,,,,,,,

re: the tentacle: ‘that is gonna be right,,,,somewhere’ dan we got it u did not have to add ‘right in the poop deck’ and ur fucking noise okay we did Not need that

i lied earlier my kink is dan saying he cannot believe smth

this is just becoming a masterpost of all the weird faces dan makes

‘it’s part of the loser station for idiots who get everything wrong’ ???? dan help i can’t tell are u a seven y.o child who makes up mean insults when u lose or a twenty-seven year old adult who makes sex jokes n innuendos bc this vid is giving me mixed vibes

🎶🎶there she goes, there she goes again🎶🎶

awwwww matching nerds

dan n his fuckin squeaky i’m-making-fun-of-u voice

‘some people are just skilled booty raiders’ #dantops2k18

Important Dan Fact™ if u can see his lil corner of his mouth u can bet u could see his dimple on the other side and i’m suing bc we can’t see it

why did it take them like 3 tries to figure out they had to time it with the cannons i mean it’s like they’ve never played a vid game in their lives

bite it danny boy u know u want to u also know if it were the other way round phil would’ve bitten at dan’s finger

more dan face

phil absolutely going off topic with ‘sometimes i want to explore with fashion’ and dan’s immediate ‘oh do u now phil lmao’

‘so many textures out there’ he cute

i mean dan cute too but phil cute for sayin it

we stan boyfriends with literally the same brain whining abt lazy rivers and rude kids

hi sorry i just love watching phil when dan’s talking bc he pays so much attention like he used to not do that (back in the day) but like he just really turns and focuses on dan now and it makes me happy

i know we all adore dan’s ‘shut up’ but it always gives me life hearing phil tell dan to shut up

fond daniel

also phil’s super cute soft natural voice when he’s talking about how he keeps saying ‘watch this’

has phil ever gotten this frustrated with gwf lmao

‘bollocks’ as if that’s a thing they say

just kiss him phil goddamn i mean u wanna win right what better way to throw him off his game

why did maximum yeet have to become a thing i s2g

‘why am i helping’ bc u have absolutely no willpower and u want phil to be happy bc it makes u happy that’s why

why,,,,,,,why does everything satisfying have to be sexual phil, why. just. why. and then? golf gone sexual? as if that’s not a better title for the goddamn vid than ‘battle for the booty’ at least it’s accurate??? ‘battle for the booty’ i expect them dueling irl over who gets to top next or some shit that is why u call a vid ‘battle for the booty’

dan,,,,,,pls let ur bf make the weird noises okay

hi sorry what the Fuck is this

is that meant to be a monkey or some shit like what???????

that is a skeleton pirate thing what the hell

why does he have such a long face

idk they cute when they look at each other like they're like having a serious convo even tho they aren’t (although i wouldn’t be shocked if making puns is an important point of communication between them)

also fun fact i heard phil saying ‘jewel’ for the first like five times instead of duel

phil, realizing he’s said something he shouldn’t have

a cute

hi once again i love them

phil doing his face covering thing why does he always look at least 3x cuter when he’s doing it whilst staring at dan

‘i got the octopus, he’s gonna marry me, we’re gonna have tentacle hooked babies with parrots on the crib’

same dan same

and then he turns around n says ‘spank me with a plank and call me poopy susan’ wtf is wrong with them

‘u love a good tentacle don’t u’ show me where i asked

dan, actually considering how that would feel with all the tentacles:

how did they go from phil saying ‘you love a good tentacle’ to saying ‘(you/we) should get some of those’ to dan saying ‘no, you shouldn’t’ like uhm. wot

this

#dnp #dan and phil #dapg #danandphilgames #phan #golf with friends #pirate edition #vid analysis #moonshine gifs #kt #and yes to the person that asked for an analysis for the heartthrob vid #that's coming give me like ten mins lmao

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