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#sometimes i worry that when im gone for long stretches of time
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im aro (who just has a weakness for your fics which is peculiar for me bc reader inserts don't normally interest me but yours oof hits just the right spot) and i have an intense discomfort for valentine's day so i have almost every varient of it blacklisted. unfortunately, that means tumblr hides your nick valentine fics which i find both funny and annoying lmaoo however it does somewhat help me bc when i actually catch the 'post hidden bc blacklist' im like !!!!! oh shit!!! time to catch up and i binge read including going back to some of my faves ahahah
anyways this ask was just to say hi keep being amazing i love your work and i hope that life treats you as kindly as you treat your readers!!!!! 💛
Ohhhh this is so lovely!! I'm glad that you enjoy my writing and I'll definitely make a note to put out more platonic stuff in the future for all of my aro followers (: It's too bad about the tag thing I didn't even think of that! Unfortunately, I'm not sure there's any way for me to work around it otherwise I definitely would. But I'm glad you find your way back here when you can and enjoy what I write (which, I will fully admit other than BTE, is few and far between nowadays). This blog and anons like you have been invaluable as writing for fo4 and getting feedback on my writing has helped me build my writing skills for my original works and I hold my original project very close to my heart. In a roundabout way, y'all have helped me out with it, and I try to give as much love back to everyone who reads my fanfic in return (: I hope you have a lovely rest of your day!! (And don't worry about your other ask, no offense was taken and I definitely agree on the way that games like fo4 can function as character or player inserts (: )
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cozage · 1 year
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OP Boys and a Sick S/O
How your One Piece boyfriend would react to you being sick on the ship!
Characters: Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Ace, Law
cw: female! reader, some angst, various illnesses
Luffy
He noticed it as soon as he woke up. You were burning up. And when he made a joke, you barely chuckled. “CHOPPER!!! SOMETHINGS WRONG!!!!”
He runs as fast as he can to find Chopper while carrying you and begs him to help you. 
He’s got some PTSD from when Nami was sick. You look and feel a lot like how she did during that time and he’s worried. 
Luckily you’re just diagnosed with the Grand Line Flu, pretty common and easy to overcome.
He snuggles with you when you’re awake and paces around the room when you’re asleep.
When Sanji brings you food, he doesn’t even look at it. He knows you need your strength. He just wants you better.
Chopper advises Luffy sleeping in the same room as you but Luffy doesn’t care. He’s staying with you.
You’re really restless the first night, so he sleeps on the floor and stretches his arm out to hold your hand.
On the third morning you laughed at his joke, and his eyes started getting watery
“I WAS SO WORRIED YOU WERE GONNA DIE IM SO GLAD YOU’RE OKAY”
Zoro
Zoro didn’t really question it when he hadn’t seen you by lunch. Sometimes you just preferred to stay cooped up in your room or the library. 
By dinner, he was starting to get worried. Even more worried when everyone else had said they hadn’t seen you either. 
As he entered your room, he noticed all the lights were off. At first he didn’t think anyone was there, but you let out a small whimper of protest to the light.
“You okay?” He sat carefully on the bed and pulled back your blanket that was wrapped around your head. 
“Zoro…something’s wrong. I feel awful.” Your voice sounded strained. His stomach sank. Why hadn't he checked on you earlier? “I’ll be back” 
He grabs Chopper and rushes back down. He doesn’t want to be gone from you for long. He’s beating himself up over not noticing sooner. 
Chopper does a full exam and deduces that you have a severe case of sun-poisoning and possible effects of heat-stroke. 
“This is because we laid outside all damn day yesterday isn’t it? I knew that Summer island was hotter than usual” Cue even MORE guilt. 
He goes to Sanji and asks for him to make a hydrating meal for you. He doesn’t even pick a fight with the cook, that’s how worried he is.
He lays with you all night and hold you close and keeps apologizing for not noticing earlier. 
The next day you’re feeling slightly better, but he’s persistent in keeping you in bed with him all day until you’re fully recovered. He makes runs to the kitchen and grabs things for you all to do.
It’s really just an excuse to have a day together and he secretly loves it.
Sanji
thought it was strange you didn’t come get breakfast. He was initially worried you were avoiding him or he had missed you coming into the kitchen, so he checked all your favorite spots on the Sunny, and still couldn't find you. 
He knocks on your door, and with no answer, he just peaks inside for one glimpse to confirm you’re not in there. 
Instead, to his horror, he finds you passed out on the ground. 
“CHOPPER!!! Y/N IS DOWN!!” His voice echos through the ship and sends everyone rushing towards your room. 
Sanji is afraid to move you, so he just brushes your hair from your face and whispers quiet encouragement to you. 
He’s so scared. Your face is so white and clammy and there’s nothing he can do. 
By the end of his exam, you’ve slipped back into consciousness, though you’re still groggy. Chopper diagnoses you with Low blood sugar and low iron. 
You’ve given some iron tablets to take and told to take it easy. Sanji doesn’t want to leave you, but also wants to cook something to help your low blood sugar of course. 
He picks you up bridal style and carries you to the kitchen. “Chopper told you not to use extra energy didn’t he? So I guess I’ll just have to carry you everywhere!” 
He makes such a good breakfast for you :) you’re starting to feel better already 
Sanji is secretly beating himself up because it’s HIS job to keep the crew healthy and give them a balanced diet and you of all people were his oversight (it wasn’t really his fault though you know that)
Even after the food and choppers help yo still have a massive headache so you and Sanji curl up in the fish tank lounge and rest all day long. He only gets up to make people meals. 
Sanji occasionally puts his hand on your chest just to make sure you’re still breathing whenever you’re asleep. He’s so worried about you. Vows to never let that happen again because he can’t bear to see you sick like this ever again. 
Ace 
You’re not a restless sleeper. Usually you fall asleep against Ace and you stay pressed against him all night long. His body emits a nice warmth that you just love to snuggle into at night. 
Tonight’s different though. You’re tossing and turning, almost like you can’t get comfortable. Thats his first red flag. 
When he wakes up in the middle of the night, he reaches out for you, but only finds an empty sheet in your place.
He starts to panic and his eyes scan the dimly lit room. His eyes finally land on you, lying on the wooden floor in the middle of the room
He’s instantly out of bed, right by your side, desperately shaking you awake.
“Ace, stop…” you roll away from him. 
“What is it? What’s wrong, y/n?” He can feel that your skin is clammy and abnormally warm to the touch. Your hair is stuck to your face, damp with sweat. 
“Marco…I’m going to get Marco. I’ll be right back” he gives you a quick forehead kiss that emits a groan from your half-awake self. 
He dashed out of the room and sprints across the ship to the first division commanders room. He begins desperately banging on Marcos door 
Marco answers the door and he is NOT thrilled. Until he sees Ace’s face and how worried he is. “Please Marco. She’s sick. Really sick. She’s burning up and I…I don’t know what to do”
Marco follows him back to his room and sees you half conscious on the floor. He bends down next to you and starts taking your vitals. 
“Ace, it looks like it’s just a virus. It’ll run its course and she’ll be fine in a day or two. I’ll come back and check on her again tomorrow.” After reassuring his friend that it is not life or death, Marco takes his leave. 
Ace can’t sleep though. He grabs a fan, a rag, and a bucket of water, doing anything he can to keep you cool through the night. He just sits by your side and watches you when you’re asleep. 
When you wake up the next morning, he’s there, ready to get you anything you need. And he doesn't leave it until you're ready to leave the room again too.
Law
“No thanks, I think I’ll pass tonight.” makes Law raise an eyebrow. You never skip dessert, especially when Penguin is the one who made it. 
As you excuse yourself from the table, he waits just a beat before following you out. 
“Y/n-ya. Are you okay?” He’s already analyzing your face for any signs of distress. 
“I’m fine, Law. Just tired is all”. It’s a lie. And he knows it too. He pulls you into his office without another word. 
His hand outstretches toward you “Room”.  “Law this really isn’t-“ “Scan”. His word are clipped, and you can see that his worry lines are deep. 
“Food poisoning. Seriously? I knew we shouldn’t have eaten at that sketchy bar today.” He’s already grabbing IVs and other meds. “You should’ve told me sooner.”
“It was the oysters right? I knew they tasted funny.” You attempt a weak smile at your captain, which is only met with a glare. “At least you didn’t eat any of them too.”
“You’re sleeping in my room tonight so I can keep an eye on you.” He’s already got an arm around you, helping you stand. You didn’t realize how tired you were until you had someone helping support you. You wish you had the energy to object, but you let him lead you to his room. 
As soon as you’re on his bed, your eyes begin to close. The last thing you see is him prepping an IV for you. 
He stays by your side. Sitting, watching. Looking for any signs of discomfort on your face. 
When you’re sick, he holds your hair back for you. He has water and saltine crackers ready to get the taste out of your mouth, too. 
After the first few hours, he starts to relax, and chooses to work at his desk through the night, but he keeps you in his line of sight at all times.
The next morning you are already feeling better because of how fast Law noticed you were sick. You’re still feeling tired, but your appetite is already returning a bit. 
Law had Shachi prep some light and comforting foods for you, and you see a smile pass over his lips when you ask for it. 
He kisses his the pads of fingertips and then presses it immediately against your forehead. “I’m glad you’re feeling better, y/n-ya”
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number1mingyustan · 1 year
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Bittersweet (Chapter 4— Getting Closer) ||k.mgyu + j.ww
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Genre: neighbors to lovers, strangers to lovers, angst, smut
Warnings: cursing, mentions of sex, this chapter is actually really tame and extremely cute, this is more of a filler chapter, not proofread
Summary: The past has a funny way of making it back to the present
Word Count: 2.9k
series masterlist
_______________________________________________
Saturday morning rolls around and you are beyond relieved. You don’t have to worry about any more awkward encounters with girls… or guys for that matter.
Your mom works all day Saturdays, so you’re often left to fend for yourself. It’s nice, having the whole house to yourself for the day, at least sometimes. Other times it can be lonely, especially hen she works a lot during the week.
Work is actually how your mom and Mingyu’s mother met. They quickly realized they had a lot in common, single moms working at a hospital with young kids and happened to be next door neighbors.
It was too perfect.
You climb out of bed, eyeing the clock on your nightstand that reads 12:02. Your mom has already gone to work, leaving you alone all day.
The sun shines brightly into your room. The rays of light illuminate through your curtains, causing you to wake up more. You decide to peak out the window, seeing what a beautiful day it is.
Oh hello.
The view outside isn’t the only beautiful sight that catches your attention. Mingyu is standing in his room shirtless. His hair is messy, curls hanging over his face. It’s clear he’s just woken up too.
He stretches his arms up, involuntarily flexing his muscles. Damn. He twists his back, cracking his neck and bones.
His head happens to turn in your direction as he does so and he makes direct eye contact with you. He flashes you a cocky smirk.
Busted.
He slips a t-shirt over his head before grabbing his phone and texting you.
‘hey stalker’
*im not stalking you*
‘there’s no shame in admitting it kid. you’re a little peeping tom’
*your ego is too big*
‘i finger you once and now you’re stalking me 😱 i love having this effect on women’
You drop your phone onto your bed out of pure shock. There's absolutely no way he just said that to you. Mingyu watches you through the window, clearly amused. He’s laughing at you, to which you respond with a glare.
*you’re disgusting*
‘yeah yeah whatever. is your mom home?’
*no. day shift*
‘mine too. i’m coming over.’
*what?*
delivered
Not even two minutes later your doorbell is being rung. You huff out, walking downstairs to open the door. Mingyu stands there with a goofy grin plastered on his face.
“So there’s a party next Friday,” he walks inside, slipping off his shoes. “I want you to come with me.”
“A party?” you question, closing the door behind him.
He nods. “Yeah, my teammate Seungchol is hosting.”
“I don’t-“ you start.
He cuts you off. “It’s at Seungchol’s house at 8. I'm gonna have an uber pick me up at 8, you're coming with. We can leave whatever time you want as long as it's not before 10. Oh yeah, and wear something hot, Wonwoo’s gonna be there and I’m gonna make you talk to him.”
“I don’t even know if I can go,” you say.
“You can,” he says as he starts to head upstairs.
“It’s like a whole week away,” you respond, trailing behind him. “Besides I don’t know what I would wear.”
“You know you don’t have anything better to do on a Friday night,” he smirks. “And that’s why I’m here, I’ll find you an outfit.”
“You?” you question.
“No offense, but when it comes to social stuff like this I don’t really have much faith in you,” He walks into your room. “Besides I’m a guy, I’m extremely useful in this department.”
He begins rummaging through your closet like it’s his own. There's a pile forming on your bedroom floor, skirts, jackets, and all kinds of clothing articles are being flung all over the place. He’s truly having a hard time finding something for you to wear. All your clothes are so boring.
“Y/n this is pathetic,” he sighs.
“What?” you question. “I like how I dress.”
“I mean yeah it’s not bad for like a regular school day, but you can’t wear any of this shit to the party, You’re gonna get bullied… more.”
You push him playfully. “Mingyu that was so mean.”
He snorts. “I’m sorry, I saw an opportunity and I had to take it.”
You push him again. "Rude," you mumble before sitting down on your bed.
“It’s really a shame,” he plops down on your bed next to you. “You’ve got a nice body too.”
“Thank you?”
“You’re welcome,” he smiles. “I think we should go shopping.”
“Like now?” you question.
“Yeah,” he sits up. “I’ll buy you an outfit to wear.”
“You’re really gonna do that for me?” you perk up.
“Yeah,” he smirks. “As long as I get to pick what you’re wearing.”
You hug him out of our excitement. His body is still, as he wasn’t expecting such a reaction out of you. He realizes he likes it, and melts right into your touch. His heart warms a little You’re excitedly chanting ‘thank yous’ to him, squeezing his body tightly.
“You’re welcome kid,” he chuckles.
"You know you have to clean this up though right?" you remind him.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──
You should’ve never agreed to this. In hanging out with Mingyu lately, it seems to have slipped your mind just how much of a horny dude he is.
Every top he’s picked out for you to wear had like… no fabric. You were never really big on crop tops, but the clothes Mingyu suggested couldn't even be classified as crop tops. They weren't anything ugly, it simply wasn’t you.
“That one’s so hot though!” Mingyu groans.
“Yeah because my boobs are like spilling out of it! I’m not wearing this Mingyu,” you head back toward the curtain.
“You’re so difficult,” he pouts. “You have to trust me! You don’t own a single shirt that goes above your bellybutton, you shouldn’t be making any fashion decisions right now.”
You flip him off silently as you disappear behind the curtain. “You’re so sassy.”
“I heard that!” he calls.
You giggle to yourself. There’s one more shirt in the dressing room, a black corset top. You hold it up to your body, scoping out how it would look on. You put it on, continuing to admire yourself in the mirror.
Okay maybe Mingyu isn’t always wrong.
It’s not too revealing, it fits nice, you look good. It’s not something you would really wear, but it works. It suits you better than you thought you would.
You walk out of the dressing room and Mingyu’s gaze quickly falls onto you. “How about this one?” you ask.
A smile tugs at his lips, “Cute, I like it.”
Mingyu thinks you look pretty. He can tell you like the top too, you’re radiating more confidence than usual. It makes him happy, seeing you so comfortable and confident in yourself. Not to mention, he has great taste.
You’re acting more like your old self,when you two were younger. After you and Mingyu drifted, your self esteem went down and you isolated yourself. He wasn’t there to watch it happen, but he can see the changes over the years from when you two were close.
He likes being able to see this side of you.
“I like it too,” you admit.
He flashes you a smile. “I know, you just need some jeans to wear it with. Find something low waisted.”
“Low waisted? Mingyu you’re such a girl,” you giggle.
He scoffs. “Shut up.”
“What kind of guy knows that?” you continue giggling to yourself.
“I’ve just been with enough girls to know how you all talk,” he frowns. “Don’t tease me, I’m still paying for all of this.”
You send him a sweet smile and mouth the words ‘thank you’ to him before going back into the changing room. He mouths a ‘you’re welcome’ back.
You successfully find a pair of jeans not long after and Mingyu graciously purchases everything for you. After he pays for everything, you two head to the food court. You eat in silence, but it’s not awkward. It’s more of a comfortable quiet.
“Oh shit,” Mingyu mumbles with his mouth full of food.
“What?” you cock an eyebrow.
“Wonwoo just texted me about you,” Mingyu chews.
He what?
“You’re lying,” you reach for his phone across the table.
He jerks back, holding his phone close to his chest. “No I’m not! I’m being so serious.”
“Let me see,” you lean over the table.
He smacks your arms lightly, continuing to hold his phone close to his chest. “Let me finish reading it first!”
You huff out, sitting back down in your seat. Your heart is beating so fast. What did he say? Did you completely embarrass yourself with him yesterday? What if he thinks you’re annoying?
•your neighbor, the one from yesterday, is she a junior?•
‘yeah, why?’
•she’s cute•
“He thinks your cute,” Mingyu smirks.
Your eyes widen and brighten. There’s no way. You reach for his phone again, to which this time Mingyu hands to you. You snatch it out of his hands, reading through the messages.
He really wasn’t lying.
Mingyu hasn’t seen you this excited in a very long time. The last time he’s seen you this excited, it has to have been over something like going to the fair or playing a silly game with him.
Your eyes are so bright. You’re reading the messages on his phone and he swears he sees your eyes actually sparkle. You can’t sit still and you’re squealing like a little girl. Wonwoo’s right, you’re cute.
He reaches his hand out, taking back his phone. You push your food aside, leaning back over the table. “What are you gonna say to him?”
“Not telling you,” Mingyu smirks as he typed on his phone.
‘you want her number ??’
•nah i’d rather do it myself. besdies, i was just wondering•
‘ight’
•she doesn’t have a bf tho right? the hickies lowk threw me off •
‘nah those were from me, she’s not my girl tho. it was a one time thing, we decided we’re better as friends fr’
•was she any good ?•
‘😇🤐’
•you fucker•
read
Mingyu places his phone done on the table with a sly smirk. You’re looking at him, eyes pleading for answers.
“What did he say?” you ask.
He chuckles. “I’ve never seen you act like this before. I got it covered, you don’t have to worry about anything.”
You trust Mingyu, however it’s going to eat you from the inside out if you don’t find out what Wonwoo is saying about you. ‘I got it covered’ isn’t nearly enough reassurance for you.
“But-“
“Nope,” he pats your head. “Just trust me on this one kid.”
You pout, leaning back into the chair.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──
It’s almost 4 and you’re back at Mingyu’s house. You’re both lying on your backs, looking up at the ceiling as you rest on his bed.
You’re reminiscing about the past, relieving old memories that you two share. You’re both smiling and laughing as the memories come back to you.
Everything with him feels so… natural. Like you’ve picked up exactly where you left off. You don’t have any resentment toward him and your drift. You’ve always been understanding. People grow and people change, and that’s simply how is happened with you and Mingyu.
Besdies, he’s here now. He agreed to your proposition rather quickly, and to your surprise. With spring approaching and Mingyu already being a senior, you know there’s not much time before he’s off to University.
“I think my mom has some CDs of us somewhere downstairs,” he says.
“Really?” you perk up. “Can we watch them?”
Mingyu nods before climbing off the bed and heading downstairs. It takes a few minutes, but he returns with a CD pack. You sit up on his bed excitedly, sliding down so you're on the floor facing his tv with the bed against your back.
He inserts the CD, plopping down on the floor next to you. He grabs the remote hitting the 'play' button. The camera screen starts off black, eventually turning into pixels with faded colors. You recognize the setting almost immediately, it's your house. The date is in the corner of the screen 7.12.02. You can hear a voice from behind the camera, you know it’s Mingyu’s mom.
“Is it on?” she asks. She bangs the camera on her hand a few times before you hear your mother. The camera shakes more as your mom snatches it out of her hands.
“Yes it’s on!” Your mom shouts. “You’re gonna break it if you keep doing that.”
You can’t help the smile that’s tugging at your lips. You glance at Mingyu, seeing the genuine smile he has plastered on his face.
The camera is still at an angle, facing the ground. There's flower petals scattered across the ground. There's more movement before the camera pans up and finds focus. A five year old Mingyu is leaning against the wall eagerly. He's all dressed up in his little black suit. He purses his lips, eyes beaming with excitment.
"Are you excited?" Your mother asks from behind the camera. Mingyu shakes his head immediately. She lets out a small laugh from behind the camera.
Your mother suddenly gasps dramatically, swiftly turning the camera around. Mingyu's mom starts humming 'here comes to bride' and it hits the two of you at the same time.
"Oh my god," you and Mingyu sigh in unison.
There you are, walking along the trail of flowers with the absolute biggest frown on your face. You look less than happy to be here, holding another bouquet of fake flowers. You walk over to Mingyu, leaning next to him against the wall.
He's got the cutest little lovesick grin on his face as he stares at you. One you don't reciprocate.
"Hold her hand Mingyu," his mother tells him.
He reaches out to you nervously, and you bite him. He jerks his hand back and yelps. "Ouch!"
"Yah!" your mom scolds. "Hold his hand Y/n! Don't do that!"
You let out a 'hmph' and stomp your foot before holding his hand. "See, wasn't so hard now was it?"
You glare at the camera. "No momma! I don't wanna marry Migyu."
"Why not? He wants to marry you, right Gyu?" The camera shifts to him. He nods again with a goofy grin. She pans the camera back to you.
"Because I don't wanna!" you pout.
Poor Mingyu is on the verge of tears as you throw a mini tantrum over the idea of marrying him.
"But you love Mingyu right?" your mom asks.
You glance over at the teary-eyed boy and nod. "He's my best friend."
"If you love him, why can't you marry him?" she questions.
You don't say anything, simply staring the boy down. His lip is trembling as he holds back tears. You silently walk over to him, wrapping your arms around his larger frame.
"I'm sorry," you say to him.
Both of your moms 'aw' in unison from behind the camera. There's a sudden crinkling as Mingyu's mom holds out two ring pops.
"Give her the ring Mingyu," Ms.Kim says.
He grabs them excitedly, unwrapping them quickly. Like a true gentleman, he slides one onto your finger first before putting one onto his own.
"I now pronounce you husband and wife," your mother giggles.
You hug him again, squealing happily as you squeeze his body. You place a big kiss on his cheek, which causes Mingyu to turn a bright red. There's laughter from the adults before the video ends.
Mingyu looks over at you with a smirk. "Don't remember you being such a bitch,"
You fake a dramatic gasp. "Don't remember you being such a crybaby either."
He frowns at you, "I think anyone would cry if they're about to be left at the altar."
"Touché," you smile. "Just means you're totally in love with me
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──
You've completely lost track of time. It's not until Ms.Kim comes home that you realize you've spent the entire day with Mingyu.
You're both laying on his bed again, snacking and talking. He's in the middle of telling you a funny story about one of his teammates when she walks in. She does a double take, realizing that it is actually you on Mingyu's bed and not some random girl.
"Y/n!" she embraces you in a tight hug.
You chuckle, hugging her back. "Hi momma Kim,"
"This is such a pleasant surprise! What are you doing here?" she asks enthusiastically.
You give a quick glance back at Mingyu. "Just keeping your son company since you and my mom were on day shift."
You stifle back a laugh as he side-eyes you. "I'm the one keeping her company."
"No!" you object. "You're the one who invited me over."
"You were the one stalking me all morning," He argues.
Ms.Kim watches you with a cheeky grin. "You guys never change.
You both shoot your heads in her direction skeptically. "It's been years since I've seen the two of you like this, neither of you have changed the slightest bit. I'm gonna invite your mother over and we'll order takeout!"
Neither of you have time to object before she's already out of the room and dialing your mom's number.
Less than an hour later, all four of you are seated in the living room, facing the tv and eating straight out of the takeout boxes. The adults sit on the couch and you and Mingyu are seated on the floor in front of them. It's a truly nostalgic scene.
However, you and Mingyu are too caught up in your own conversation, you remain oblivious to the nudges and giggles your parents share as they watch you. _______________________________________________
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allfattenedup · 1 year
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omg that halloween video was filmed over a (1!) year?! you already put so much work into making high quality videos, but that's some serious dedication! insane! rapid weight gain isn't usually what I go for but holy fuck the quality! do you have any video style inspirations? the lighting is just incredible, so moody/cozy, how long did it take to actually get the shots and then to edit? (the price for your patreon is an insane bargain either way) keep it up, dude!
Can I just say I really like that I get horny asks and art-influence asks? 🤣 Thank you for the questions! My style inspiration comes from cinema - no specific cinematographers that I can single out but the visual style I like is that soft indie film, sense of place type look. Films that have a strong, sometimes overwhelming, colour palette like Drive, La La Land, Enemy, Grand Budapest Hotel, The Fall, they really influence me. Films that use a really strong sense of colour and light to create a feeling. I really like cinema that looks like photography. Gregory Crewdson is one of my favourite photographers, his work is highly cinematic, he creates scenes that make you ask questions and I really like that cyclical influence of cinema on photography and vice versa which is really evident in his work. Annie Leibovitz is another huge fave. And look, let’s be real. I’m not thinking about these giants of the art world when I’m sitting down to plan my kinky little videos. But those are some of the influences that have gone into developing my style over the years.
And as for how long it takes, it varies a lot. Obviously the Halloween video took the longest, I don’t think I’ll ever top one year! 😆 But even the shots themselves took quite a while for that one, for a bunch of reasons. I was using my whole apartment so I was moving the lights and the set up a lot. I was trying to find angles where I looked skinny enough for the ‘before’ shots (not so easy anymore!!) and that took ages. There was make up I had to do for the stretch marks and padding for the end shots. In some shots I was so bloated I could hardly think straight and had to move carefully. There were also a lot of moving parts. I remember doing one shot where it was a slow pull back from the table overhead with the candles burning, water vapour for atmosphere, and as it was pulling back my phone had to come into shot and ring right as it became visible which I needed to trigger while I was doing the shot and keeping it steady… it was very complicated! 😆 So the Halloween video was multiple full days of shooting over the course of a year. But then something like my Fourth of July video was much quicker and easier to do. I just put on a tight flannel and went to town on a pie while moving the camera a few times for some variety in shots.
Editing used to take me much longer but I’m getting better at it now and I can usually get a whole video edited in half a day. Honestly the main thing I’m worried about is that as I’m getting bigger the filming is getting a little harder to do, especially the constant up and down of setting up the shot, getting in frame, checking the shot, etc. But I’ll just have to find a way to make it work because im having way too much fun. Thanks for your questions!
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chilei-writes-weewoo · 11 months
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honkai star rail has me in A Grip™ and im down bad for sampo so i wrote a thing for if i was in the world of hsr
his eyes are like winter, cold and professional, never an ounce of emotion in them when he looks at me. like the epitome of "nothing personal, it's just business" (i feel like he's said it to me before...). he only catches my eyes for a split second when talking to me, then turns his gaze ever slightly away, like the fleeing sunlight during a winter storm. i try to cherish the moment our eyes meet, to chase his gaze as discreetly possible... but to no avail. he always finds a way to look past, to distract, and to flee from sight... professional and efficient as always.
whenever he does look at me, i get the feeling that he sees me as *just* a customer and nothing... more. always a passerby, never a regular face around. people sometimes think we're friends, that we're close like a beach and the sea, yet he always corrects them, saying "we barely even know each other." i must agree with him, we *do* barely know each other. i wish it weren't like that; that we could be seen regularly together, laughing and talking, yet still joke about being strangers.
but i jest. that has no chance of ever happening, no matter how hard i were to try. he and i are different breeds of people, as similar as opposites can be... not the best choice of words on my part perhaps, as we are still rather similar, whether it be in humor or personality, but we are long past the time for friendship. if i were to compare friendship to a fruit, the perfect time would be when the fruit is ripe, or even slightly raw. between him and i, the fruit has long since fallen to the ground, long since rotted beyond recognition.
his eyes were like spring, green and filled with a budding hope of deception. friendly smiles and joking grins, even slightly flirty winks sometimes, all to be gone to dust when the right time strikes. his confidence should be commended, that i can say, if nothing else. his blind trust in himself and his ability to successfully deceive someone is almost admirable, if i weren't one of the unfortunate targets. i knew of this, yet foolishly thought i wouldnt fall for his antics, that he wouldnt dare to attempt with me... i must have forgotten down the line...
sometimes i wish i could go back, back to when he looked at me like i was the first budding leaf of spring, despite it all being a lie. to go back and not think of him possibly lying to me and enjoy the little time we had while it lasted. go back to the time when we would dive head-first into the snow, fully clothed, and return to the town shivering and cold, but still laughing together. back to when his laugh sounded free, like a stream of freshly melted snow, and not strained like metal stretched too thin.
but i know i can't go back. and even if i could, i'd still do the same things i did now, and nothing would change. if i were to go back, i'd go back to our first meeting, and choose to not believe him. better yet, i could choose to simply not listen to him in the first place. yet, i know that nothing would change if i went back; i would have still listened, i would have still believed, and i would have still... everything would still be the same...
his eyes were once like summer, warm and soothing, lovely to look into. not to be sappy, but i think i could have stared into them for hours upon hours if i were given the chance to... and if he wouldn't tease me for it... i knew he would, so i never looked that long; but if i had - despite the teasing - i wonder if i'd have seen through the lies, through the façade he put on, or would i have only seen the beauty of them, the captivating green of them...
probably not. back then, i would have only seen the good in him, only the parts i wanted to see. even if i *had* seen the truth behind his eyes, there would be a chance i'd just dismiss it, leave it to the future-me to worry about. thinking back , i probably did just that, leave things for later... maybe i had always known the outcome, but refused to detatch myself while it was still easy, while it was still enjoyable...
sometimes i miss the way his knuckes would brush against mine while we walked together, side by side; the slightly bashful smile he'd send my way with an apology when it happened... i miss when i'd jokingly grab his hand and tease him for being shy; the small flustered squeak he'd let out and the almost unnoticable blush spreading across his cheecks.... i wonder if they were a part of his act too? i doubt any of it was real... it felt real to me, but maybe i'd have worn the red tinted sunglasses for far too long already...
my eyes are like autumn, ember red of a dying flame, a stark contrast to his lively green. many say my eyes are unnerving and look unfeeling, did he see them like that too? i never asked, either because i believed him to think of them differently, or because i feared his response. regardless of what he might think, my eyes hold the dying light of hope, for even a while longer, for until the cold of winter snuffs out the embers, no matter how warm they may be. clinging to baseless hope is probably useless, but i'm in too deep to let go anymore. i've always been in too deep - right from the start.
his eyes are like winter, biting cold whenever he looks at me. my eyes are like autumn, dying embers of hope still flickering until he, the winter, decides it's time for the flames to die out.
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fett-djarin · 3 years
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Stress Relief
Here it is! This is entirely self indulgent and filthy! Im a wh*re for the croissant guards
Also I headcanon Fox looking like how amikoroyoaiart draws him. her art is so good!
Commander Fox x f!reader
Crossposted on ao3
Rating: 18+
Length: 3.9k
Warnings/Tags: Oral (m receiving), that good sloppy toppy, office sex, cursing, light grinding, making out
NSFW BELOW THE CUT
Bringing the Guard their morning caf had become a tradition, of sorts. You knew the caf in the mess wasn’t good--in fact, it was barely even palatable. When you first started as a new secretary, it had been your timid way of offering friendship to the imposing troopers who worked so hard to keep the planet safe. They warmed to you quickly. Thire was the first to remove his helmet in front of you, plonking it down on your desk and taking a long pull of caf barely a second after you handed it to him. At your stunned look, he had just raised a brow and said, “Long patrol last night,” with a shrug.
As the others had become more comfortable with you, you had seen most of them without their buckets at some point--except for Fox. He always took his caf with a polite “Thank you, ma’am,” and retreated to his office. You knew it was against regulation for them to remove their helmets while they were on duty. But even when you dropped off the caf in his office, he was at his desk with his helmet on.
“He keeps it on so you can’t tell if he’s actually asleep,” Thorn told you one day. “I suspect he even does it while we’re standing guard sometimes.” You laughed aloud at that. The serious Commander Fox, asleep standing up. He was right though, you never would be able to tell.
The first time Fox removed his helmet in front of you, you hadn’t expected the gray dusting his temples, but honestly you weren’t surprised. The poor man was stressed beyond belief and worked half to death. You were more surprised that he finally did it in the first place. Fox sighed, running a hand through his unruly curls, before taking the caf and giving you a tired smile. He thanked you by name that time. You tried to ignore the butterflies in your stomach.
From then on, he had been without it more when you went into his office. You even caught him sleeping once--head resting on his folded arms, bucket set next to him--and had done your best to deliver the caf without waking him. Maker knew he needed the sleep more than he needed hot caf--if Thorn hadn’t told you he snuck naps with the helmet on, you would think he ran off caf and stubborn will alone.
One morning, after you had passed out caf to the others--and a little cup of whipped cream for Grizzer--Fox hadn’t made an appearance, so you made your way to his office to drop it off. You knocked lightly on the door. “Come in,” his gruff voice called, and the door slid aside. You smiled at him, noting the way his shoulders visibly relaxed at seeing it was just you. You set the cup down on his desk. You had just turned when a touch on your wrist stopped you.
Fox was looking up at you, helmet cocked to the side. “You know you don’t have to bring us caf every time you work, right? The boys better not be nagging you for it.”
“I know,” you said. “I enjoy doing it. And it’s the least I could do.”
“The least you could do?”
“You all work so hard. You deserve more, even if it’s just better caf.”
He squeezed your wrist gently. “You don’t owe us anything. It is our duty to the Republic--”
“I know, Fox,” you tried to hide your grin, and failed. “But you’re also my friends.”
That seemed to surprise him, hand falling from your wrist as he sat back in his chair and regarded you curiously. You made your way back to the door, pausing in the entryway and looking back over your shoulder.
“Have a good morning, Commander.”
“...You as well, ma’am.”
The door slid shut behind you. Fox slipped his helmet off, setting it on his desk and staring hard at the door you had disappeared through. His eyes flicked to the paper cup of steaming caf, brows furrowed.
It was the first time you had called him by his name.
Friends?
----
After that day, Fox seemed to be trying to talk to you more. Instead of taking his caf and running off, he would stay, either to chat or just hang around for a minute with you and the other Guards. Stone nudged Thire, who nudged Thorn, and they all looked over to where Fox leaned his hip casually against your desk and you were laughing at something he said.
“Did someone replace Fox while we weren’t looking?” Thire questioned under his breath.
“I’ve never seen him so...cheery,” Stone said.
You smiled up at Fox, worrying your bottom lip with your teeth. They watched as your fingers grazed the back of his hand where it rested on your desk. “Think something’s goin’ on between those two?” Thorn asked, gesturing vaguely over towards you and Fox with his cup.
“Absolutely.” Thire didn’t hesitate to answer.
The three quickly snapped to attention as Fox excused himself, heading their direction. You gave them a small wave. Thorn was about to wave back before Thire thumped him in the arm.
“Don’t you have duties to attend to?” Fox grumbled as he passed them, heading to his office. “Get to it.” You hid your laugh behind your hand seeing the three Commanders scramble to disperse.
Evening rolled around, and you cocked your head side to side, stretching your neck and shoulders. You had been going over forms all day, datapad after datapad, organizing reports and requests for the Chancellor and the Senate. Your shift was almost over, and you were getting ready to go home for the night.
Various members of the Guard had come and gone, leaving and returning from patrols. Senators and representatives had filtered through; less and less as the evening progressed. You were just getting ready to leave when Fox stalked through, back from his rounds, tense and practically vibrating with irritation. He didn't even spare you a glance as he disappeared into his office. If the doors weren't automatic, he likely would have slammed it shut.
You knew he had a thankless job--a job he had no say in having, either. Usually it was something to do with the Chancellor that got him so worked up. Half the time you thought Fox would strangle the man himself if he could. Maybe you should take Fox out to one of the cafes nearby, just for a second to breathe and not carry the weight of the Guard on his shoulders. Was that against regulation? It might be better to invite him back to your apartment. Or did that imply too much?
You pushed yourself up from your chair, mind made up. He could always say no. You wouldn’t be offended.
You paused outside the door to his office, listening carefully. You couldn’t hear anything from the other side. So, you knocked.
“What.” Fox’s biting tone surprised you, but you didn’t take it personally.
“Commander? I...It’s me,” you said hesitantly, and then wanted to smack yourself. Confidence. “Is everything alright?”
No response. You took the silence as a sign that he wasn’t interested in talking. That was fine. You didn’t want to impose if he needed time to himself. The door slid open just as you had stepped back, intending to leave. Fox sighed, jerking his head to direct you inside.
The door shut behind you, and Fox sat heavily in his chair at the desk. Another deep sigh, and his shoulders slumped. He pulled his helmet off, setting it aside, and you caught a glimpse of the dark circles under his eyes before he put his head in his hands.
“Commander Fox?” You took a tentative step forward, so you were close enough to reach out and touch his shoulder.
He looked up at you. There was still tension lining his shoulders, hands flexing into fists and then relaxing. Stress. He opened his mouth to say something, frowned, and then closed it again. He cleared his throat. “Did you need something?” You could tell he was making an effort to soften his voice, likely as to not snap at you again.
“I just wanted to check in, sir,” you said, coming around the desk to stand next to him, leaning your weight against it. “It looked like something was bothering you.”
He waved his hand in the air vaguely, brows pinched. “You don’t have to call me ‘sir,’ you’re not one of my men.” He looked like he was debating saying more, so you waited patiently, quietly, hoping he recognized that you were here to listen if he so needed.
“As you likely know, there’s a gala coming up. Senators, politicians, ambassadors, Jedi….” Fox huffed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “It’s going to be a security nightmare. And the Chancellor,” he spat, venom in his voice, “has been on my case about patrols and the Guard. Always demanding more. We’re spread too thin, and not getting the support we need--” he cut himself off. He was getting himself worked up again.
You placed your hand over his where it was clenched into a fist on the desk. It relaxed under your touch. Fox heaved another sigh mixed with a groan. “I’m behind on paperwork too,” he glared at the stack of datapads sitting to the side. “I don’t know where I’m supposed to find the time to do everything.”
“Hmm,” you reached over and picked up one of the datapads, skimming through it, hopping up so you were now sitting on the desk. It was just a patrol report that needed Fox’s signature before being filed. “What’s your CC number?”
“CC-1010,” he answered instantly, then regarded you with suspicion. “Why?”
You signed the bottom of the form: CC-1010, “Fox,” and submitted it.
“What are you doing?” his voice seemed to have kicked up an octave.
“Helping you with your work. I deal with paperwork and holoforms all the time,” you said, picking up another datapad and scanning through the information. “Most of the time it’s to make sure there’s a document trail. Most of these probably don’t need an in-depth review, they’re not important. They just go in the archives and are never looked at again.”
“I--you--that’s illegal,” he sputtered. But he seemed more surprised than serious.
You raised a brow at him, signing his designation and name once again before submitting the next form. “Are you going to arrest me?”
“No,” he didn’t hesitate. Interesting. Then he had a thought. “Your handwriting doesn’t even look like mine.”
“Doesn’t it?” you showed him where you had signed. It was almost identical to his scrawling script. His eyes flicked between the form and your face, incredulity on his features.
“How…?”
You shrugged. “It’s something I’ve always been good at. Saved me a lot of trouble as a kid when I needed my parents to sign for something at school. Especially when it was a disciplinary note.” Fox barked a disbelieving laugh at that and you couldn’t help your sly smile. “Even if I didn’t mimic your signature, no one would notice. Or care. You could mark the lines with an X and it would go through; it’s only the acknowledgement they care about. You can even draw a loth-cat face and have that be in the archive forever as a signature.”
“Don’t you dare,” he threatened with a chuckle. “Some of these aren’t just patrol reports though. I actually have to read through the more important ones.”
You handed him a holopad as you picked up your third. “How’s this: we work on these together; if I find one that has important information or requires more than a signature, I’ll give it to you.”
He regarded you for a long moment, debating your offer. Some of the weight had lifted from his shoulders; he looked less tense, less overwhelmed, even less exhausted. Then he slowly nodded. “All right,” he said. “But you have to let me buy you coffee for once.”
“You don’t have to do that--”
“We’re friends. Right?”
That stopped you short. You did consider him and the other guards friends, but to hear him say that he also considered you one...it was nice. It made a pleasant warmth flutter in your stomach, and you couldn’t help your shy smile at his words. “Right,” you agreed. The soft upturn of his lips made your breath hitch. He looked so young when he smiled.
The two of you worked in companionable silence, steadily making your way through the stack of datapads. You had been correct--most of them were unimportant; standard reports and forms that required a signature purely for protocol. Every once in a while you handed one over to Fox for him to read through. Slowly, your free hands had crept together, and Fox hoped to the Maker that you didn’t notice how warm his cheeks had gotten. 
Your thumb rubbed soothing circles over the back of his hand, and he didn’t notice he was staring at the way your fingers moved rather than reading through the form you handed him until you cleared your throat. “Fox?” you asked quietly. His gaze landed on your lips. He wanted you to keep saying his name, he wanted to hear it again and again--
You brushed a stray curl back from his forehead. A tug on your arm had you stumbling forward off-balance, and you would have fallen if strong arms had not wrapped around you and pulled you into an armored chest. Heat rushed to your face at the new position you found yourself in: sat in Fox’s lap, his hand still entwined with yours.
Then he kissed you.
It was gentle, soft. His lips pressed to yours chastely, far more gently than you expected him to be, and you felt the datapad fall from your hand. The sharp clatter of it hitting the ground made Fox pull back, but then you grasped the back of his neck, twining your fingers in his curls, and pulled him back to your mouth. He tossed his own back on the desk with a groan as your lips met again.
You licked the seam of his lips, and he opened for you. Fox was content to let you lead. His hand gripped your hip, and he sighed into your kisses, melting from your affection. You don’t know how long the two of you stayed like that--tasting, breathing each other in, sharing languid kisses full of pent-up desire.
His wild curls were soft in your fingers, and he all but purred when you lightly scratched your nails along his scalp. The hard plastoid of his thigh plates was uncomfortable underneath you, and you shifted your hips slightly in an effort to find a more comfortable spot. The breath hissed out through Fox's teeth, and your face flushed with warmth realizing you had brushed against his codpiece. His fingers tightened on your hip and thigh, pulling you towards him, encouraging your hips to roll against him again.
It was an awkward angle, with you sitting with your legs thrown over his lap, but from the hitch in Fox’s breathing it was doing something for him. You hummed into his mouth before pushing yourself up, holding onto his broad shoulders for support as you swung one leg over so you were now straddling him, chest to chest.
“Better?” he rumbled, nipping your bottom lip before soothing the sting with his tongue. You squeaked as his palms cupped and squeezed your ass, tugging you closer. Both of you basked in each other's eager little breaths and soft noises, hungry and wanting for more.
"Mhmm." The new position allowed you to feel the firmness of Fox's codpiece against your center when you pressed your hips into his. Fox really appreciated the new position, with your tits against his chest and free access to grope your ass. He almost whined into your mouth at the steady slow grind you started against him.
You wanted to hear that noise again. An idea struck you. You wanted to taste him. One more deep kiss, then you shimmied back off his lap. Fox made a noise of protest and tried to pull you back to him, but you just grinned and shooed his hands away. The floor was cold on your knees as you settled between his spread legs.
“What are you--oh,” he cut off with a harsh breath as your deft fingers unclasped his codpiece and tossed it away. Immediately, your palm cupped the warm bulge at the front of his blacks. He shifted in his seat, and you noticed his cheeks and ears had flushed a shade darker. How cute.
“Commander,” you purred, slowly stroking him through the fabric.
“Y-yes, cyare?” His hands flexed at the arms of his chair. He was struggling to not reach out and pull you back on his lap. Normally so composed, Fox now looked wrecked with his lips slightly parted, kiss-swollen, and hair mussed.
“Will you let me suck your cock?”
Fox spluttered and fumbled at your bluntness. You bit your bottom lip, looking up at him from beneath your lashes, still slowly stroking him over his blacks. You could see him fighting with himself. Maker, he wanted it. He wanted to see your pretty lips wrapped around his length. But he also didn’t want you to feel like you had to--he also desperately wanted to pleasure you.
“Please?” you leaned forward and mouthed at his clothed erection, letting your spit soak the fabric. Your eyes locked with his, looking up at him with your best faux-innocent look, like you had no idea what you were doing to him. But Maker, you were hungry. You wanted him.
“Fuck,” the word sounded as if it had been punched out of him. His pupils were blown wide, black swallowing the rich brown of his irises. “Fuck, yes--”
You wasted no time in tugging the band of his blacks down. A shiver worked its way through him; seeing you on your knees in front of him was a dream--a dirty little fantasy he would never admit to. Many nights alone in his quarters or in the showers he had roughly fisted his cock to the thought of you in situations that were most definitely unprofessional, biting the back of his hand to keep his noises at bay. And now here you were, the sweet secretary, making his dreams become reality.
The sliver of warm skin revealed to you made you instantly want more, and you couldn’t stop from pressing a light kiss to his hip. Then you eased his leaking cock from his blacks. Fox hissed in a breath through his teeth as your hand loosely wrapped around him, pumping his length slowly. The precum that dribbled from the tip slicked your grip. He was thick and firm in your hand, like velvet-wrapped durasteel.
The first stroke of your tongue against his cock made him curse. You licked slowly, working your way from tip to base and back, tracing the pulsing vein that ran along the underside. Taking the head of his cock in your mouth, you tasted the salty tang of the precum that leaked from him. When you hummed around him, his hand shot to your hair, fingers winding through the strands. He didn’t push you down or pull you away; instead, he merely just...held on.
Fox’s breathing kicked up watching you worship his cock with your tongue and hands. You enjoyed watching him try to hold himself together, slowly making him fall apart piece by piece. Your head bobbed up and down his length, each time taking more of him. Your hand continued to pump and work the rest you hadn’t fit in your mouth. He breathed out a string of words in a language you didn’t understand, but from the tone it sounded like he was praising you.
All his little noises were making the heat coil in your core. Wetness pooled between your legs, and you clenched your thighs together for the slightest bit of relief. You closed your eyes to concentrate, focusing on the weight of his cock on your tongue, the heat of his body. You slowly took more of him in your mouth until you felt his tip bump the back of your throat. Breathe through your nose. Fighting off your gag reflex, you swallowed around him.
“Shit! Shit, mesh’la--” Fox cried out above you, feeling your throat constrict around his length. He tugged gently on your hair, and you pulled off him with a gasp. “Fuck, if you keep doing that I’m gonna cum in your mouth.” It was meant to be a warning, but he sounded too breathless for it to carry any weight.
“But Commander,” you looked up at him, enveloping the tip of his cock in the heat of your mouth and gently sucking. His thighs twitched under your hands, cock throbbing, and you pulled off with an obscene pop. “That’s the best part.”
You were messy, letting saliva drip from your mouth and down his cock. You sucked, licked, and kissed every inch of his length until it was sopping. When you ducked down to take his balls in your mouth, his breath hitched, hand tightening in your hair, and a low moan came from him.
“Gedet’ye, mesh’la, gedet’ye--” Fox choked out.
“Hm?” You pulled back, hand wrapped around his cock and continued to pump him tightly. You twisted your wrist when your hand brushed over his head. He was panting lightly, and looked deliciously wrecked.
“Gedet’ye,” he said again, “please.”
You smiled at him, and he felt his heart jump. You looked filthy, lipstick--Coruscant guard red?--smeared, lips and chin wet with spit. “I want you to cum in my mouth, Fox.” Then you brought your mouth back to his cock and sucked, laving your tongue over the sensitive head as one hand stroked the base. The other came up to cradle his balls, and he was done for.
Fox cursed up a storm in both Basic and Mando’a, nearly doubling over as his orgasm was wrenched out of him by your clever mouth. You kept your gaze connected with his, eyes hazy and half-lidded. Warm spurts of his release filled your mouth and you eagerly swallowed it down, milking his cock until he had nothing left. Subtly, you rubbed your thighs together, so turned on it nearly hurt. Seeing Fox fall apart for you stoked the fire of arousal in your core.
He had an arm thrown over his eyes as he slumped in his chair, chest heaving for breath. “Stars above, you’re going to kill me,” he said. You giggled, hands running soothing motions over his thigh plates, even though he couldn’t feel it through the plastoid. He looked boneless and sated, which was exactly your intention--well, part of your intention.
Then he was guiding you back up, cupping your cheek and kissing you hard. It was desperate, deep, filled with so much emotion that you couldn’t decipher it, you only knew that you felt the same. You moaned into his mouth. He broke the kiss, and you noticed the glint in his eye and his sly grin before he kissed you again, standing and guiding you back to sit on his desk.
“Now it’s my turn.”
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watchmegetobsessed · 3 years
Text
TO LOVE AND BE LOVED - Part Six (Harry Styles)
a/n: LAST PART OMG!! im a little emotional this story has come to its end but it already ended up like twice as long as i planned it to be haha! thank you so much for reading and loving the story, it means so much to me and i loved seeing your reactions as the plot developped! i hope you guys will be happy with the ending our pair got and i can’t wait to read your thoughts about the series as a whole!!
pairing: CEO!Dad!Harry X Reader
warning: mentions of death, cheating and divorce, sexual content
word count: 14.8k
SERIES MASTERPOST masterlist
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Waking up next to Harry is probably your most favorite thing in the entire world right now and you’ve been able to experience it every morning since you dropped Izzy off at Anne’s. You’re missing her like crazy and can’t wait to have her back, but part of you is desperate to stretch these days as long as possible, because you’re not sure if Harry will be comfortable with you sleeping in his room once his little one is back under the roof.
It’s always the same, yet you can’t get enough of it. Harry grumbles as he turns the alarm off, snuggles back to you for just a few minutes before he forces himself to take a shower. In the meantime you start breakfast and his coffee waits for him ready by the time he joins you in the kitchen. You eat together, sometimes talking, sometimes just silently enjoying each other’s presence and it’s the perfect way to start your days.
Then Harry is off to work and you go for whatever shooting you had planned for the day. Luckily, you’ve been keeping yourself busy. If your day ended early, you always found something else to do, you picked Trevor up another time and also managed to have lunch with Harry on Thursday which was such a nice change, even if it was just eating takeout in his office because you were in the neighborhood and he had some time to see you.
Now it’s Friday and you’re spending it with some editing and eventually packing, since you’re leaving to the countryside for Sarah and Mitch’s wedding when Harry comes home. You’ve been looking forward to this weekend all week, you had a few phone calls with Sarah and the two of you hit it off quite well, you can’t wait to finally attend the wedding. And also because Harry is coming with you, so it’ll be a kind of weekend getaway even though the two of you have been alone home all week.
Harry runs a little late from work so you leave about an hour later than you planned, but it’s all good, since nothing is planned for the evening, you just wanted to be at the location on time. It’s going to be a small wedding, nothing extra and it’s held in an inn near the beach, the perfect spot in your opinion, especially because even the weather seems to be celebration the occasion and it won’t be raining cats and dogs.
Heather: A double date? I don’t know, who’s the guy?
You’re texting Heather in the car and you finally bring up the possibility of going on a double date with Niall.
Y/N: Photo attachment
Y/N: He is a cool guy, I think you would like him!
Heather: He surely is hot! Alright, we’ll see. Anyway, have fun with your super hot and rich boyfriend this weekend! Tell me all about the wedding next week!
Y/N: Thanks!
Your eyes scan over the word boyfriend. You didn’t want to correct her and tell her that you are not boyfriend and girlfriend, just dating, because you kind of enjoy the thought of being an official item. It’s been just a few weeks since it all started and you know that Harry needs to take things in his own pace, but that doesn’t mean you don’t like to play with the thought.
You’re aching to finally call him your boyfriend or what’s better, hear him call you his girlfriend. The thought of calling this man yours is making you go nuts but you need to be patient with him. He has gone through so much change lately, you can’t let your silliness ruin it for the both of you.
It’s late by the time you arrive to the Inn and you both feel exhausted from the ride so you want nothing else than to get a good night sleep before the wedding tomorrow.
“I’m so glad you’re here!” Sarah greets the two of you when you walk into the Inn. She envelopes you in a warm hug before doing the same with Harry. IN the meanwhile, Mitch has also appeared and he greets you with a short hug as well before giving a brotherly hug to Harry. “Had a safe ride?”
“Yeah, everything went fine,” you nod smiling.
“Great. Well, here is your room key, made sure you two are getting one of the larger rooms,” Sara smiles slyly, but you’re taken aback by something else.
“We’re sharing a room?” you ask turning to Harry, who seems nervous about your question, though it wasn’t your intention to make him ashamed in any kind of way.
“Oh, yeah. I mean, Sarah asked me this week which room I want and I told her we would be sharing… Is that okay? We-we could ask for a room for you as well if y—“ “Harry,” you chuckles softly, giving his hand a squeeze. “I would love to share, I just wasn’t expecting you to want to do the same is all,” you tell him and you can see the relief in his eyes instantly.
You talk over a few things with Sarah before taking your stuff up to the room and calling it a night. Harry takes a shower first in the small bathroom that’s joined to your room and in the meantime you hang your dress up so it doesn’t get too wrinkly by the morning. Then you just get all your equipment done, making sure everything is full and loaded for the big day tomorrow. When Harry is done you take your turn and the hot shower feels nice, quite relaxing. Walking out you find Harry lying in bed, typing on his phone, he smiles up at you when you join him in bed.
“My mum sent me this. They went to the park today.” He turns the screen towards you and a photo of Izzy is shown with ice-cream all over her face, grinning happily into the camera.
“She could literally live on ice-cream,” you chuckle, making yourself comfortable under the sheets.
“And gummy bears,” Harry chuckles before locking his phone and putting it to the side table. He is quick to wrap his arms around you, pulling you against his side and you smile as you snuggle to him, enjoying the heat of his body. “Good night, love,” he murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head.
“Good night, H,” you softly reply before letting yourself drift to sleep within seconds.
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You already have a lot of experience with weddings and no matter how big or small it is, the day is always a little bit chaotic, everyone is all over the place, there’s no time for just messing around, especially for you.
Following a nice breakfast with Harry on the tiny balcony that’s connected to your room, you are forced to part since Harry is supposed to be with all the other guys, getting ready in the room that’s reserved for Mitch, while you kind of need to be everywhere at the same time, but you obviously spend the most time with Sarah, wanting to capture all her best moments.
Sometime around noon you get about an hour off while everyone else is getting lunch and Harry texts you to join him on the mole down the beach that runs just below the inn. When you arrive he is already sitting on one of the old wood benches with a pizza box on his lap.
“Hey,” you smile softly and leaning down you peck his lips quickly before joining him on the bench.
“The boy ordered pizza and I got one for us too, hope it’s okay.”
“Of course, I didn’t even think about lunch until you texted,” you chuckle as he settles the box between the two of you and you both take a slice.
“So how are the photos coming up so far?”
“Good, I’ll have a ton of editing to do, but I think they will like the outcome.”
“Can I have a sneak peek of them?” he smirks playfully, but you shake your head.
“No, the first ones to see them will be Sarah and Mitch, sorry,” you chuckle as he pouts his lips at you, but goes back to his slice right after.
You both are just enjoying the quiet for a little, having had a busy day so far, exchanging very few words, but it’s still a nice time spent together. It is just the two of you until a guy approaches you on the mole.
“Hey guys! Mitch wondered where you went, H,” he smirks down at Harry before his eyes land on you. He is tall, but not as tall as Harry, rocking a noticeable beard and he is wearing the same outfit as Harry: maroon pants with a crispy white dress shirt. “Oh, you’re the photographer, right?” he smiles at you.
“Yeah, I’m Y/N,” you answer nicely, holding out a hand for him.
“I’m Landon, Mitch’s cousin,” he nods with a charming smile. “Sorry for interrupting your lunch guys. Just wanted to let you know that Mitch wants to do a round of shots when everyone’s back,” he chuckles.
“He is gonna be so hammered,” Harry chuckles shaking his head. “I’ll be back soon, thanks Landon.”
“No worries. I’ll see you around, Y/N,” he smiles at you before turning around and walking back to the inn. You catch Harry’s eyes for a moment and you have a guess what he is thinking about. Landon seemed to like you, with his flirty smiles and friendly introduction, he was surely thinking about shooting his shot, but he might not know that you’re dating Harry.
However he doesn’t say anything, just continues to eat his lunch in silence and quite frankly, you forget about Landon’s existence pretty fast.
After lunch it gets a bit hectic. The ceremony is starting at 3, so you don’t have much time left. You do the first look reveal thing and this time their son, James is included in it, which is honestly such a pure moment and capturing it feels like a privilege.
Soon enough the guests are starting to arrive and you quickly run up to the room to change into your dress. Most of the time you are not required to dress up for the job, but you like to blend into the crowd so you usually choose to wear a nice dress and you’re doing the same this time as well. You’ve brought a pastel yellow satin dress that teases a little cleavage, and you pair it with a cream colored cardigan, creating a simple but still elegant look for the rest of the day. You’re fixing your makeup in a hurry when the door opens and Harry walks in.
He immediately stops in his tracks upon seeing you in front of the mirror, his eyes traveling down the lengths of your body, a stunned expression adorning his handsome features.
“Sorry, I didn’t know you were… in here,” he mumbles and you can see the blush forming on his cheeks. “You look… You look beautiful.”
“Thank you,” you chuckle softly. He takes a few steps closer to you and reaching up he brushes a loose strand of hair behind your ear, his fingers leaving a trail of delicate touch on the side of your face.
Leaning down his lips hover over yours for a moment, as if he was giving you the chance to pull back, but who are you to deny anything from Harry Styles? So when you stay in place, he finally presses his lips to yours in a slow and tender kiss filled with passion. His hands cup your face in his and you bring yours up to wrap around his wrists as you kiss him back, already craving more than just a kiss.
But it feels like you are not the only one growing hungrier with the seconds, one of Harry’s hands wander down to your butt and you feel his palm’s warmth through the thin layer of your dress, though you wish there was nothing between his skin and yours. When he starts kissing down your jawline and neck, pushing you backwards you hate to break the moment, but there’s no time for any funny business. So painfully, but you pull back, already missing his lips on yours.
“I would really love to continue this, but I need to be with Sarah in about three minutes,” you chuckle softly.
“Yeah, I need to get back to Mitch too,” he sighs, pecking the corner of your mouth before his arms fall from around you.
“I’ll see you later, yeah?” you smile up at him, fixing the collar of his shirt.
“Yeah,” he smiles with a boyish smile before you part ways again.
All through the ceremony you are kind of all over the place, trying to get the best shots, you don’t have much time to spare. Sarah’s entrance with her dad and James walking down the aisle is so beautiful and you get some amazing shots of Mitch’s emotions upon seeing his future wife. They tell their vows, touching every guest with their sweet words to each other and then they finally say ‘I do’ and become husband and wife.
You snap a series of photos of that moment as well, but then you allow yourself to peek over at Harry who is already watching you with a soft smile. You can feel yourself blushing, his gaze is warm but also quite intimidating in this sentimental moment.
And then the party finally starts. You try to follow the newly weds around as much as possible, but you also get around the tent, shooting pictures of the guests as well. You only get to have a few moments with Harry, because either you need to rush off or sometimes someone finds him and wants to have a few words. He is quite popular among the guests, but it’s no surprise. You’d want to have the chance to talk to him too if you saw him.
“Have you even had a bite yet?” A male voice calls out for you when you’re trying to sneak from one point to the other. Glancing over your shoulder you see Landon with a drink in his hand.
“I’ll eat later. The dance is about to happen so I need to be ready for that,” you smile at him.
“Mitch told me they found a really good photographer, but he surely forgot to mention how devoted you are. I’m excited to see the photos.”
“Thanks, I’m trying my best,” you chuckle.
“Save me a dance later?”
“Oh, um, sure,” you nod with a nervous chuckle. “But I really gotta go now,” you excuse yourself before he could even get another word out.
As you slalom between the tables you spot Harry sitting at one of them and he is staring at Landon from across the room, a not too friendly look plastered across his face. You wonder if he has seen you talking to him and now he is feeling jealous or if you’re just seeing things. But you don’t have much time to ponder on it, work is calling you.
As the happy couple share their first dance, soon enough more and more guests join them and you’re standing at the side, snapping the cute dance partners slow dancing to the music with Sarah and Mitch in the middle. You’re adjusting the settings on your camera, when a tall figure appears in front of you.
“May I have a dance?” Harry asks, holding out a hand for you like a true gentleman.
“Oh, I should—“
“If you are about to say you should be taking pictures, the bride told me to ask you,” he tells you with a soft chuckle and as your eyes fall on Sarah, she is smiling in your way happily, nodding her approval to get off duty for just a little.
“Then, I would love to,” you smile shyly, taking Harry’s hand as he takes you to the dance floor. Placing his hands to your waist he pulls you close to him while you rest your arms around his neck, swaying to the rhythm very gently.
“I always get a little emotional at weddings,” he confesses with a small smile.
“Yeah? Why?”
“I don’t know,” he shrugs. “I just… love seeing people in love. Especially when they are my friends,” he adds chuckling.
“It really is a nice thing.”
Harry pulls you tighter against him, his cheek pressing against the side of your head and you let your eyes fall closed for a few seconds, enjoying this moment with him. He starts to softly him the song and his voice flows through your ears smoothly, you’re in awe how good his voice is. He never told you he is a good singer too above being an amazing producer.
When the song ends some couples stay, but some make their way off the dance floor and you have to get back to your job as well. Leaning back you squeeze Harry’s arm as his hands fall from your frame too.
“Save a slice from the cake for me,” you smile at him and he nods with a smirk.
“I will. I’ll have it ready for you at the table.”
You place a short kiss to his cheek before you disappear from his sight, leaving him alone again.
The night carries on as usual, sometime after dinner your phone dies so you leave it on the charger up in your room before running back down. The party starts to unfold as the time passes, more drinks are being consumed and this is kind of your secret favorite part, because the more people drink, the more they are willing to pose for funny pictures. This is the time that births the best group photos, in your opinion.
Though you are having an amazing time, you can feel yourself growing tired. When it’s finally cake time you take some time off to sit with Harry who saved you a slice, just as you asked him. It’s nice to have a breather, just enjoy the evening with him by your side again.
“Mm, didn’t know you could eat icing without getting it all over my face,” you tease him, referring back to the time you made such a mess out of the kitchen when you tried to make cupcakes for him.
“Very funny,” he narrows his eyes at you, before dipping his finger into the icing and wiping it onto your nose.
“Hey!” you pout at him, cleaning it up, but he just smirks at you playfully before pecking your lips shortly. It’s the first time he is kissing you in with so many people around and it surely makes you giddy, knowing that he is not trying to hide you in any way.
Weddings are a lot of fun, but they always stretch so long. The party can last till the morning sometimes and you can’t just decide to call it a night and stop doing your job, you need to be there until the DJ shuts the music off and all guests disappear. And it seems like this wedding won’t be any shorter either.
It’s already past midnight when you decide to sneak out for a short break. You’ve been on your feet for way too long and you stole some food too. You hesitated if you should sit back to your table, but you felt like you could use some quiet so you left the tent and found a bench nearby.
As you sit and eat the food you snatched from the buffet table, you hope the party won’t last until the Sun comes up. You get so into your own little world that you almost don’t even notice the approaching tall figure.
“Having a break, huh?” Landon calls out as the gravel crunches under his fancy dress shoes.
“Ah, yeah. I needed a few minutes away from the music,” you chuckle softly. Landon stops in front of you and hides his hands in his pockets as he blinks down at you with tired looking eyes. It might be from the long night, but you are guessing the drinks he’s been consuming don’t help his energy either.
“May I say that you look really pretty? I haven’t been to many weddings yet, but the photographers went for the more comfortable look since they are not on the photos, but you chose to glam yourself.”
“Thanks,” you chuckle softly. “I like to blend into the guests.”
“Well, you don’t blend in this way either, because you look prettier than most women in that tent,” he compliments you and you’re starting to feel awkward. It’s not that you don’t like it when someone is talking highly of you, but it’s obvious what Landon wants and you are definitely not on the same page.
“Um, thank you.”
“I’m sorry if I come off too brash or pushy, but I promised myself I would never miss a chance to compliment a pretty woman when I see one.”
“That’s nice, but I’m afraid I’m not the right person to spend your energy on,” you answer with a tight-lipped smile. Landon narrows his eyes at you, but keeps his playful manner.
“So you don’t find me good-looking, is that it?” he teases and you shake your head with a soft chuckle.
“That’s not what I was talking about.”
“Then you like to break hearts, right? You must enjoy making men fall for you,” he carries on with his little joke and just as you’re about to speak up to tell him you are seeing someone, Harry’s familiar deep voice interrupts the conversation.
“There you are, I’ve been calling you.” He is talking to you, but his eyes are clearly glued to the man standing in front of you.
“Oh, my phone is in the room, I had to charge it,” you tell him.
“What are you guys doing out here?” he asks, clearly not liking the situation, you and Landon alone outside with no one else around. Jealousy is dripping from his eyes that appear so much darker now in the dim lighting.
“I’ve been dumped by this amazing woman right here,” Landon sighs dramatically and Harry cocks an eyebrow at him before glancing over at you.
“Oh, is that so?”
“Yeah, she is clearly not interested in me, my charm didn’t work on her,” he laughs lightheartedly.
“I hope it didn’t because she is my girlfriend,” Harry answers simply and your lips part at what he just called you.
Landon stumbles back, his smile quickly vanishes from his face as he stares back at Harry. You feel like you’re watching some kind of documentary movie where male animals are trying to win over the female, only that Landon stands no chance in this situation, but you find it quite funny.
“Man, I-I’m sorry, I didn’t—I didn’t know!” he apologizes right away as he realizes why Harry has been kind of spicy around him. Landon then faces you. “Y/N, I didn’t mean to make it awkward and all that, I’m really sorry.”
“It’s fine,” you smile at him nicely. He mumbles something about checking up on Mitch before walking away, leaving you and Harry alone. He joins you on the bench, staring after Landon for a few moments before turning to face you. A much softer expression is showing on his face this time.
“So, you just called me your girlfriend,” you point out, trying your best to hold your growing smirk back.
“I, uhh—I did, didn’t I?” he chuckles nervously. “I’m sorry, it just slipped out, because I didn’t like how Landon was trying to chat you up all night…”
“So you didn’t…. You didn’t mean it?” you ask, furrowing your eyebrows, feeling yourself growing disappointed.
“Well, I… I mean, I didn’t mean to say it like that, without discussing it with you, but… I would love to call you my girlfriend,” he admits shyly and you can’t believe that this nervous man next to you is the same man who owns a record label and manages his million dollars business every day without a problem.
“I like the sound of that,” you smirk, leaning closer to him so your noses are almost touching.
“Yeah?” he smiles, a lot more relieved and playfully than he was a moment ago.
“Mhm,” you nod, biting your lip. You blindly put your plate to the side before cupping his face in both of your hands and pulling him in for a kiss, your first one as boyfriend and girlfriend. Part of you feels silly that it makes you so ecstatic, like you’re a high school girl, but in this moment you couldn’t care less.
What starts as a sweet and innocent kiss quickly turns into something more, something heated. When Harry’s hands find your bare thighs and they slightly slide under your dress you can’t help but yearn for more, pulling him closer as your tongues meet. Your fingers lace through his curls, tugging on them gently and you’re fighting the urge to throw a leg over him and just sit on his lap straddling him. When he starts kissing down your jawline and neck, you have to stop him for the second time today, not that you wanted to do it anytime, but the time and place hasn’t been right.
“We can’t…” you sigh, pulling back even though every fiber in your body is telling you otherwise. Harry lets out a long sigh, nodding his head.
“Yeah, I know.”
“But hopefully, the party will end soon and then we will be all alone in our room,” you smirk at him slyly and it brings back the shine into his eyes.
“I can’t wait,” he mumbles before kissing you one last time.
From that moment, Harry lingers around you at all times for the rest of the night. He is always either right by your side, or within a few feet away from you, keeping an eye on you, but not in an obsessive and intrusive kind of way. His eyes are filled with lust every time you share a look at each other and you can tell he can’t wait for the party to finally be over. Whenever he is next to you, he makes sure to touch you in any kind of way. Placing his palm to the small of your back, your arm or your hips, or when you sit next to each other he rests his hand on your thigh or knee without hesitation. And you are loving all the affection you are being showered with.
By the time the wedding officially ends and you can finally call it a night, you are both touch starved and hungry for each other. Harry pulls you against him on the stairs up to your room, not even giving a damn that you are still out in the public. His mouth attacks you hungrily, kissing you anywhere he can reach as the two of you stumble up your way to the room.
Pushing the door open you basically fall inside, giggling against Harry’s lips as he shuts the door closed and presses you up against it, making you gasp at the action. He is so much more demanding and confident than the last time you shared an intimate moment and though you’re not sure how far he is planning to go, you know you are ready to give him anything he desires.
“As much as I love this dress on you, it needs to go,” he playfully smirks as his hands bunch your dress up on your thigh before grabbing it and pulling it off your body, leaving you only in your underwear so fast.
Your lips find his as your fingers work fast on the buttons of his shirt while you inch further into the room towards the bed. You both kick your shoes off on the way and when you fall to the mattress Harry’s shirt is already gone. He climbs above you as you sink into the way too many pillows and you blindly throw a few off the bed to give you more space. Harry licks into your mouth one last time before he moves down your neck and collarbones, peppering your heated skin with his kisses, his hands already sliding under your back to unclasp your bra. Arching your back you give him space to do the task on hand and a few moments later you are lying under him with your chest completely bare. His name falls from your lips as a whimper when his mouth comes in contact with your left nipple, kissing, licking and sucking on it while his hand kneads your other breast before he switches, giving both sides the same amount of attention. Your fingers lace through his unruly curls as you enjoy his touch that’s burning and soothing at the same time.
When he kisses down your stomach and hips, he hooks his fingers into your lacy underwear, but stop before doing anything, looking up at you for reassurance. You give him the green light by nodding and he carefully pulls the fabric off your body, baring you in front of his eyes completely. His kisses pepper his way up your inner thighs until he finally reaches your dripping wet core.
“Harry!” you moan when his tongue and lips press against your clit, swirling and sucking on it just right, making you shiver under his touch. He curls his arms around your legs, keeping them in place as he keeps working his magic, making you a whimpering mess with each lick.
He does the same thing as last time, teases you with his finger dancing around your entrance until you are basically ready to beg him for more. Then he finally pushes two fingers inside you and starts pumping in a slow pace that drives you nuts, leaving you ache for more of him.
You pull him up before he could get you to the top, because that’s not how you want it now and you need to know if he is ready to take this step with you. He understands what you want from just a look as he hovers above you and you cup his face in your hands tenderly.
“I want it,” he breathes out and you could come just from those three words.
“Are you sure?” you ask, though you just want to jump right at it already. Still, you want to make sure he is completely fine with everything that’s about to happen.
“Yeah. I am,” he nods before leaning down he presses his lips against yours.
Your hands reach down and undo his pants, pushing them down along with his boxers before he does the rest of the job kicking them off. His erection presses up against your thigh as his hips fall down a bit and you moan with just the feeling of him on your skin. Wrapping your hands around his shaft you start pumping him while your kiss never breaks.
“Oh fuck,” he moans in sensation and you grin against his lips, enjoying the thought that you are the one making him feel this good.
“Do you have a condom?” you breathe out.”
“Shit, I don’t…”
“It’s alright, I have one.” You sneak out from under him and rush over to your bag to look for your toiletries, you know you have one somewhere in there. When you finally find the little package you quickly get back to the bed where Harry is now lying on his back. Kneeling next to him you give him a soft, reassuring look.
“Do you want me to…?” you imply, holding up the foil.
“Oh, um, yeah, sure,” he nods and you swear you see him blushing. Ripping the package open you lean closer and roll the condom down his hard length before throwing a leg over his lap and get back to kissing him. You take your time with him, running your hands up and down his toned, inked chest as his palms warm the skin on your waist while your lips move together in sync perfectly. You could tell he needed a moment to get settled and wrap his mind around what’s really about to happen.
“Everything alright?” you ask, a little out of breath as you hold yourself up above him. He nods shortly. “Do you want me on top or you want to switch?”
“C-can you stay on top for now?”
“Yeah,” you smile at him warmly, before capturing his lips in a sweet kiss while your right hand wanders down his body until you reach his hard cock. Harry whimpers against your lips when you wrap your hand around the base, lining him up with yourself.
“Tell me if you want to stop, alright?” you ask him and in any other situation you’d find it a little funny that it’s you asking him that, usually this request comes from the guy, but you just want to make sure he is comfortable with everything that’s happening. Harry nods again and as he gulps hard his Adam’s apple bops up and down. Leaning down you kiss him again as you slowly ease down yourself just enough so that the head of his cock slides inside you. You stop, giving both him and you the chance to get accustomed to the feeling. It’s been quite some time for you as well, and your fingers do not compare to Harry’s size, that’s for sure.
He keeps one hand on your hip while the other reaches up and cups the side of your head, panting against your lips from the feeling of finally being inside you. Once you’ve made sure you both adjusted to the feeling, you allow yourself to sink further down until his whole length disappears inside you. You stay still, shutting your eyes closed as you let your walls stretch around his erection, making that slight pain you feel go away. Adding the length and thickness of his cock to the long drought you’ve had in the field of sex is making it feel like you are having your first time again in a way. It’s not that awkward and definitely not that painful, but still, that’s what it reminds you of.
“Are you good?” he asks, squeezing your hip gently. Your eyes snap open and meet his green ones that are now clouded with a little bit of worry.
“Yeah, it’s just… You’re big, Harry,” you admit with a soft chuckle that brings a cocky grin to his lips as well. “Just give me a moment.”
He just nods again and both his hands start running up and down your sides reassuringly as you take a few seconds to yourself before you start moving your hips. You start off slowly, dragging your movements out, trying to see what feels the best and judging from Harry’s moans and grunts he is enjoying himself no matter what you do. Your hands sprawl out on his chest, fingers digging into his skin as you lean onto him while starting to move up and down his throbbing cock.
“Fuck, you feel so good!” he whimpers, almost as if he was in pain, but you can see the pleasure in his eyes.
Your thighs start to burn, but you keep moving yourself, not wanting to stop, because you’re feeling your orgasm building up inside you. When he starts thrusting up to meet your movements, you moan his name so loudly there’s a chance the people next door heard you, but you couldn’t care about that now.
Harry might have noticed that you’re starting to get tired, so pushing himself up he wraps his arms around you and turns you over until you’re the one lying on the bed and he holds himself up above you on his arms. Your legs circle around his waist as he starts moving in and out of you, the new position making you both moan and gasp at the sensation.
“Harry!” you whine as he keeps hitting that one spot inside you, pushing you closer to the edge dangerously fast.
“Am I making you feel good, baby? You like it?”
“You’re making me feel so good, please don’t stop!” you beg him as he buries his face in your neck, sucking on the soft skin, most definitely leaving a mark on you that you’ll wear proudly tomorrow. You would never want to hide the fact how good Harry fucked you, let the world know that your boyfriend made you feel so amazing!
“Oh my God, I’m getting close. Are you feeling it too? Are you gonna cum for me, baby?” he asks, his lips brushing against your earlobe. Grabbing his face you pull him into a kiss, pushing your tongue into his mouth mercilessly and the grunt he lets out is making your insides tremble. It’s animalistic, so passionate and sexual, you want to hear this every day for the rest of your life.
“I’m close, go a little harder, Harry!” you plead and he does as you asked without hesitation, his hips slamming harder against you, making you gasp for air as your head sinks into the pillow, your back arching in pleasure.
“Cum for me, Y/N. Let it go!”
“Harry!” you whine, as you can feel your orgasm threatening to burst inside you any moment.
“Say my name when you cum, I want to hear who’s making you feel so good, baby!”
Your fingers dig into his hair as you chant his name over and over again with each thrust he makes and then your release finally arrives. You moan and whimper, shaking under his naked, sweaty body, his name falling from your lips as an endless glorification. Your walls clench around his cock and it’s the last straw for him as well, his thrusts become sloppy and uncoordinated as he cries out your name, his hips slamming hard against you while he rides his orgasm out. Reaching down you drag your nails down his back until you reach his perfectly round ass, giving it a cheeky squeeze while he buries his head into the crook of your neck, thrusting into you a few more times before coming to a stop.
Turning your head you kiss his temple, running your hands up and down his back while you both try to catch your breath, coming off your high. Soon Harry pulls out and rolls off of you, his body smashing into the mattress beside you, his face glowing from that post sex euphoria. After a few moments of just panting and blinking into the void you finally feel yourself returning to reality and rolling to your side you cuddle to Harry’s body, his arm instantly coming to circle around you.
“Everything alright?” you softly ask, placing a tender kiss to his chest under one of his swallow tattoos. The last thing you want is to have him freak out now that the deed has been done, but when he gifts you with a tired but genuine smile, your worries vanish into thin air.
“Yeah. I’m all good. More than good,” he chuckles before lifting his head and placing a soft kiss to your forehead. His fingers are dancing up and down your naked back, following the line of your spine and your ribs, his smoothing touch already working as a lullaby on you, but you’re determined to stay awake just a little longer.
“Are you turned on by hearing your own name during sex?” you tease him with a sly smile as you think back to how much he enjoyed you scream his name over and over again.
“I might have a bit of a praise kink,” he admits truthfully with a smirk.
“Mm, interesting.”
“What’s yours?”
“What do you like during sex?”
“You, balls deep inside me,” you bluntly answer, making him laugh at your words. “And I like doggy,” you then add to actually answer his question.
“Yeah?”
“Mhm, and maybe some hair pulling. Not in an extreme way, but I like a little.” “Alright, noted,” he hums nodding.
You both clean yourselves up in the bathroom, moving around each other naked without any shame. Harry then puts on a pair of clean boxers and you change into your night clothes, though the moment you make yourself comfortable in Harry’s arms in bed his hand sneaks up your back under the shirt, tugging the material up. You could have just stayed shirtless, but now you’re too tired to even move. His fingers are drawing little patterns over your skin as you listen to his steady breathing before drifting off to sleep.
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Sunday feels like a day after a sleepover in high school, when you’re thinking about everything that has happened the day before, and you’re so happy it happened but you’re kind of tired and just want the comfort of your home already.
Sarah and Mitch leave for their honeymoon early in the morning. You say goodbye and Sarah just keeps thanking you for your work even though she hasn’t even seen the picture yet.
“But I’m sure they are amazing! Can’t wait to see them!” she beams at you when you try to tell her to just wait for the actual outcome.
You leave the inn a little before noon heading to Anne’s to pick Izzy up. You have lunch somewhere on the road and then you sing along to the music in the car, enjoying yet another roadtrip together, making the best out of your last minutes alone. You’re happy to see that Harry hasn’t seemed to spiral after what happened last night, he seems delighted and pleased, maybe even excited. Driving down the highway he keeps a hand on your thigh whenever he doesn’t need to use it on the shifting gear and every time he reaches for you, it turns you into a giddy little girl.
“Daddy! Daddy!” Izzy chants upon running into Harry’s arms the moment you park down on Anne’s driveway. Apparently, she’s been sitting by the window for an hour, waiting for her dad to finally arrive.
“Oh, I missed you so much, baby!” Harry cheers, catching the running girl and lifting her up into his arms, hugging her close. It’s such a sweet sight, seeing the two purest people you know be so happy to see each other after a week spent apart.
“I missed you too!” Izzy sighs, wrapping her short arms around Harry’s neck, nuzzling into her daddy’s embrace and your heart is fluttering in your chest for sure.
Anne invites the two of you inside for a tea, Harry helps Izzy pack all her stuff while she is nonstop blabbering about everything she did with her grandma during the week, and Harry listens to her intently, even though she already shared everything with him on the phone when he called every night.
“How did the wedding go?” Anne asks you cheerfully as you help her in the kitchen.
“Oh, it was amazing! Sarah looked so beautiful and everything went smoothly.”
“That’s great, they are such a cute couple!”
Anne is quick to ask you about photography, how long you’ve been doing it and you even show her a few of your works seeing how enthusiastic she is about the whole thing. You were a little nervous about meeting her, but she is just as sweet and kind as her son, making it so easy to treat her just as a friend, not as the mother of your boyfriend.
Before leaving Izzy insists on showing you all the paintings she made for Anne this week, she has them on the wall in her little home office. While you’re shown around in Izzy’s personal gallery, Harry joins his mother downstairs, finishing up his tea.
“I assume the weekend went well, you two are glowing,” she smiles slyly at him and Harry can’t hide his boyish smile.
“I uhh… I asked her to be my girlfriend,” he admits and Anne gasps happily, thrilled about the news.
“I’m so happy for you, Har. I think she is a really good match for you!” she beams, pulling him into a motherly hug, kissing his cheek as if he was just a little boy, not a grown man.
“Thanks, mum. I’m happy too.” “You deserve it. It’s so good to see you living your life again.” Soon enough, Harry loads the car with Izzy’s stuff and it’s time to say goodbye.
“Bye Anne, it was so nice to see you!” you smile hugging her.
“Come back soon, Darling! Nag this old man to visit me more often!” Anne jokes giving Harry a playful look who leaves her comment unnoticed, giving his mother a tight hug.
“Thank you for everything mum, love you, I’ll call you alright?”
“Drive safe!” she calls after you all as you get into the car and wave her goodbye leaving.
The drive home tired Izzy out, or maybe it’s just the change of settings again. Whatever it is, she can barely stay awake until dinner, so once her tummy is filled Harry decides to put her to sleep early.
Izzy asks Harry to lie in bed with her as he reads her a bedtime story, she is extra clingy now that she is back with her daddy, but Harry is enjoying having his little one back so he doesn’t mind it. Izzy snuggles to his side, playing with the ears of the bunny she chose to sleep with tonight as she listens to his steady, smooth voice talk her to sleep.
“Daddy?” she asks quietly, already half asleep.
“Yes, baby?”
“Are you going to marry Y/N?”
The question catches him off-guard, he was definitely not expecting it especially since Izzy hasn’t even seen the two of you kiss yet.
“Why are you asking?”
“My new friend, Loretta from the park told me that if a boy and a girl live together they are probably in love and want to get married.”
“Loretta seems to know a lot about adult stuff,” Harry chuckles softly. “Well, it doesn’t exactly work like that, Iz. But… would you be happy if I told you Y/N is now my girlfriend?” he asks, feeling a little nervous, as if Izzy’s word on the question could destroy any possible future between the two of you. She stays silent for a few seconds and Harry starts to think she has fallen asleep, but then she finally speaks up again.
“Did you kiss her?” she asks and Harry can’t push down a soft chuckle. Izzy’s idea of relationships probably doesn’t go further than kissing and holding hands so this is how she is trying to put the picture together in her head.
“I did, yes.”
“Oh!” she exclaims. “I like Y/N.”
“Well, I like her too.”
“She can be your girlfriend,” she then replies, giving her blessing. “Are you going to get married?”
“Um, not for a while, no. But… it could happen if things go right,” he chews on his bottom lip, he is definitely not in the phase of thinking about marriage yet, not just because you barely just became an official couple, but that would be a huge step in his way of processing the end of his last one.
“Okay,” Izzy simply nods and that brings the end of the discussion. Harry has been a little nervous to have this talk with Izzy, he was afraid she might get a little confused about the idea of him having a girlfriend and the thought of her mother, but she seemingly didn’t even bring Maggie into her train of thoughts. Luckily.
When Izzy is finally asleep he closes the door and makes his way downstairs where you’re lying on the couch, watching the rerun of the news. You smile up at him upon his arrival and as he joins you on the couch, he is quick to pull you into his arms, making you snuggle into his embrace.
“I just told Izzy that you are my girlfriend,” he confesses and you lift your head up, not even trying to hide your surprised expression.
“Really? And what did she say?”
“Well, she asked if we are getting married,” he tells you chuckling shortly. “I told her that we shouldn’t get that far ahead. But she basically gave her blessing. She said she likes you.”
“Well I was hoping she doesn’t hate my guts after spending almost every day with me,” you chuckle, making him smile too. “But I’m happy she likes the idea of us.”
“Yeah, me too,” Harry nods before pulling you closer for a sweet, innocent kiss.
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You finally get around to have that double date with Heather and Niall one month into your relationship. Harry’s weekends have been a little busy these past weeks, he had to go into the office on a few Saturdays, but now he has finally finished a huge project he has been working on so he can actually take some time off.
Ruth comes over to look after Izzy that evening and she keeps looking at you and Harry like a proud grandparent whenever she sees the two of you interact as a couple. Little touches and kisses have been more regular around home ever since Harry told Izzy that you are together. So far, she’s been handling it really well, she doesn’t seem to be confused about you and her mother and it might be because Harry has had a talk with her recently about her mother and where she really is now. His therapist suggested to be open about it with her as early as possible, and though she doesn’t seem to completely understand the idea of life and death just yet, she has definitely started to put the picture together in her head.
You’ve been spending all your nights at Harry’s room, so by now your bedroom is more like an office space for you and a storage for all your stuff, a place where you can be alone whenever you have some editing to do or just simply need some time on your own. Luckily, Harry totally understands the feeling of needing some space, he has his own limits as well and the two of you have been trying your best to coordinate around these lines when it comes to your relationship. After all, it’s been a pretty unusual situation, you were already living together when you became a couple, jumping a few steps in the timeline of a regular relationship.
Just as you were expecting it, Niall and Heather hit it off quite fast upon meeting at the dinner. Niall is in awe of Heather’s confidence and raw sense of humor that matches perfectly with his, while Heather finds him entertaining and somewhat like a challenge, since you honestly told her about Niall’s reputation as a womanizer, but it’s not something that could scare her away.
“He is cute, desperately wants to prove how good he is doing on his own, but I think that’s just a façade,” Heather tells you when you ask her about her date in the restroom. She fixes up her lipstick, staring at herself in the floor to ceiling mirror.
“So you think you want to see him again?”
“I’m not gonna run after him, if he asks for my number I’ll give it to him. But if he doesn’t, I won’t let him see my disappointment.”
“And what if he asks you to go home with him tonight?” you ask, feeling like teenagers gossiping in the girls restroom between classes. Heather smirks at you through the mirror before turning to face you.
“Oh, I’m not going home with him. That would bruise his ego so badly he won’t be able to think about anything else.”
You stare back at her stunned from how big of a genius she is. You would have never schemed like this when it came to men, but yet again, you never really needed to. Before Harry you were busy with Keith and that relationship came so easily to you. There were never really games, it took you about three weeks to get together. But Heather is a player and a very good one, apparently.
“You two look cute, by the way,” she smiles at you quickly washing her hands before the two of you head out, back to the table.
“Thanks,” you blush, eyes finding the guys sitting right where you left them.
After dinner you decide to stay for a few drinks at the bar a corner away and it’s been so long since the last time you were out just having fun, enjoying some time with good friends. If someone told you a few months ago that you’d be sitting here, sipping on a cocktail with Harry who is now your boyfriend, you would have laughed hysterically.
When Harry reaches for you thigh under the table, resting his palm on it, giving it a gentle squeeze just as a sweet gesture, you glance at him and he smiles at you as his eyes meet your gaze. It’s the first time you actually feel like any other couples. Having a nice evening with your friends, touching each other, holding hands, simply living in the moment knowing well that going home he will probably sneak into Izzy’s room, pressing a kiss to her forehead before joining you in bed, falling asleep with his arms curled around your figure.
It’s no surprise when Niall invited Heather over his place for another drink at the end of the night and you can barely hold your smirk back when she refuses and his face completely falls, especially because he was so confident in himself, the evening went well and he was probably sure she would say yes. Instead, she grabs herself a taxi and heads home upon parting ways. Niall is shocked, but he is quick to ask for Heather’s number from you before you say goodbye and you happily give it to him.
On the way home you think about how weird it is that you are still basically working for him. It’s not that you mind being the one who is looking after Izzy, it doesn’t even feel like a job, she has grown so close to you. It’s about getting paid for it when you’re Harry’s girlfriend and even though you know how untraditional everything has been with the two of you, now might be the time to make a change.
Harry checks up on Izzy while you get ready to bed and he joins you under the covers soon. Your thoughts about your possible quitting keep racing in your head and you decide to bring it up, just to see how he sees the situation.
“H?” you softly ask while he is checking a few things on his phone, propped up against the headboard.
“Yeah?” he glances at you, letting you know he is listening.
“Don’t you think it’s weird I’m still working for you?”
He stops and locking his phone he puts it to the nightstand to fully focus on the conversation. He just stares at you for a few seconds before knitting his eyebrows together, that crease between them making an appearance and you fight the urge to smooth it out with your finger.
“You don’t like taking care of her anymore?” Your stomach drops at the way he interpreted your question, because it’s not at all the situation.
“Harry, I love taking care of her!” you smile at him softly and can see the relief in his eyes. “It’s just a little weird that you’re paying me to be with her. I would do it for free,” you explain, hoping he now gets the whole picture.
“Oh!”
“Are you… Are you planning for the long run? With us?”
“Of course,” he nods and now you’re the one relieved at how naturally the answer came to him.
“Then maybe we should look for a solution that doesn’t make me feel like I’m a kept house woman,” you chuckle softly and a small smile tugs on his lips as well.
“What were you thinking about?” Sighing you bite into your bottom lip, not sure what he’ll think about the idea that came to you.
“I’ve been getting a lot of requests for photoshoots. I thought that maybe I could take two more days out of the week to work on them and stay home with Izzy for the rest of them. We could look for a nanny for those days. They wouldn’t have to move in, because I would be home by three probably. I think… I think it could work pretty well.”
Harry takes a few moments to think it through and you know he has to be considerate, the only reason he was so quick to hire you was because Izzy already knew and loved you. Bringing a stranger into the picture is a big change and everyone has to be fine with it to make it work.
“Would that make you happy? Staying home for half of the week with Izzy? I wouldn’t want to ask you to sacrifice your time for her… for us, if it doesn’t benefit you.”
For a few moments you’re just processing his words, but then you finally understand what he meant by that. He is thinking you might take it as if he is using you to take care of his daughter and he doesn’t want you to take responsibility for her if it’s not what you really want. But you see being in Izzy’s life as a privilege, you haven’t truly processed it yourself, but you start to look at her as your own daughter. Having spent the majority of your days with her these past months, it was inevitable to grow so fond of her.
Scooting closer to him you cup his face in your hands as you smile down at him softly, his green irises filled with worry and doubts, probably thinking that he is doing something wrong again, but he is not. He needs to have more trust in himself.
“I would love it, Harry. I love spending time with her and… with you,” you admit and there’s one thing that you’re aching to add.
And I love you.
But you keep that one back, not sure if he is ready to hear it just yet. It’s still so early in your relationship, and it might feel like a bomb if you just dropped it on him. You need to be a little more patient before taking this next step.
Bringing his arms around you he pulls you to his chest, a deep but happy sigh leaving through his nose as he kisses into your hair. Nothing else is said, but no words are needed. It’s been settled that you both are planning for the long run together and you’ll start to alter your life to make it fit into the picture.
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You don’t jump into it right away, but a few weeks after the discussion you had about hiring a new nanny, you take the first step. Ruth agrees to cover one day every week, Fridays, so you can have it off for your sessions. Summer brings a lot of events and occasions and your calendar has been getting busier as your circle of customers has been growing lately. Though Ruth is more than happy to spend some more time with Izzy, you all know she won’t be able to do it too long, you need to find someone at last by the end of the summer.
Harry would never admit, but he is very anxious about bringing a new person into Izzy’s life. He is not the toxic kind of parent who wouldn’t let anyone get near his daughter, but he surely is considerate about who he lets to take care of her and it’s understandable.
On an afternoon spent at the park you are chatting with Ava, Yara’s mom when she mentions a nanny agency they’ve tried out before and had a really good experience.
“They hire people with at least three years of experience and many of their nannies have a degree in some kind of field in connection with child care. We had a nice girl from Russia watch after Yara, she is a primary school teacher but she moved here with her boyfriend for a year. She was amazing, really. Yara loved her, Saige and I loved her, it was a good match.”
She gives you a phone number and later that day you look up the agency, presenting the idea to Harry, who seems interested, but a little hesitant.
“We could still have an interview with them, right? Or I would have to just choose someone from the website like from a catalogue?” he voices his concern as the two of you lie in bed with your laptop propped against your thighs.
“I’m sure we can have an interview,” you smile at him.
Harry just nods, ergo he doesn’t reject the idea, but you can tell he has quite a few doubts about it, but there’s not much you can do.
In the course of three weeks you and Harry have five interviews with nannies that the agency sent and at the end of the day, Harry finds something wrong with all of them, even though they are only minor things.
“You rule out people for the tiniest things, Harry,” you sigh after the fifth interview with a kind middle-aged woman, Kaitlyn. “Based on these interviews you wouldn’t have hired me back in the days,” you joke.
“You know it was different with you,” he points it out and you just nod. He has told you so many times how you were just the perfect fit which is very charming, but it doesn’t help the situation on hand right now.
That evening, when you’re lying in bed, reading, while Harry checks up on Izzy one last time, you see that something is on his chest when he walks in and as soon as he is under the covers next to you, but you don’t ask him, instead just wait for him to bring it up himself.
“Y/N, I’m sorry for being such a pain in the ass about the whole nanny thing,” he sighs tiredly. Closing your book you place it on the nightstand before turning to face him fully.
“You’re not a pain in the ass, just very careful and maybe a little picky,” you add with a soft chuckle.
“Do you think I should be the one staying home with her?”
“Most kids spend the majority of their days separated from their parents in daycare, kindergarten or preschool. It’s not a crime that you are not a stay at home dad, not many like to do that or even fit for that role,” you shrug and it’s your genuine opinion. Just because parents don’t devote one hundred percent of their life to their children, it doesn’t make them bad. Parents deserve to be selfish sometimes.
“I just… I can get so into my head about everything I do wrong,” he sighs, closing his eyes and he seem so tired all of a sudden, like he has been carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Brushing his hair out of his forehead you kiss him gently before his eyes open again.
“You’re not doing anything wrong, Harry. Believe me, Izzy is having the best childhood she could ever wish for. She is secure, loved and taken care of. Everything is going well.” He doesn’t answer, just nods as his arms wrap around you, pulling you to his chest and you gladly snuggle into his embrace.
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That evening it felt like Harry was shifting in the right direction, but you can never know what really goes on in someone’s head and you couldn’t see what was coming.
A few days later another candidate comes for an interview, you, Harry and the young girl called Rachel sit outside at the terrace as Harry goes through the same questions he asked every other applicant while Izzy is playing around the swing set.
Rachel just finished her bachelor’s and is now taking a gap year before moving back to her hometown to work at her father’s law firm. She grew up with three younger sisters and took care of them most of the time to help her parents out who worked a lot. She is nice, very well educated and it’s clear she is great with children. Yet again, when you glance at Harry you don’t see him as satisfied as you are and you already know he is going to find something against her.
“Alright, so what is it this time?” you sigh once Rachel is gone and you can finally talk openly about her.
“She basically doesn’t have any official knowledge about kids, she just grew up with kids, that doesn’t qualify her as a professional.”
“Raising children is the best knowledge you can get, Harry,” you argue, feeling a little impatient this time. Rachel is perfect for the job, but any other applicants would have been fine too. You’re running out of time and Ruth won’t be able to help much longer.
“I would just be a lot more comfortable if it was a professional staying home with my daughter,” he answers, marching into the kitchen and you follow him.
“There were plenty of professionals between the previous ones as well. You are ruling everyone out!”
“I’m not ruling them out, I’m just trying to make the best decision for my child!”
“By being absolutely insatiable?!”
“Why is it so bad that I want the best choice?” he growls throwing his hands into the air.
“It’s not, but the best choice is not always one without any flaws, Harry,” you point it out, hoping he gets what you’re talking about.
“But I want this to be flawless!” he snaps and you can see that he has lost his patience at this point, but so did you. “I’m not settling for less than what I want, Y/N!”
“So then what? You lied when we talked about all of this? Because without a replacement, I can’t start working more!”
“I didn’t fucking lie, I’m just asking for more time!”
“Well it seems like you just want to push me into changing my mind about switching jobs and eventually say that I’m staying home, taking the blame off of you!”
“I’m not pushing you into anything, Y/N. We still have time until the end of summer, I just want to find the perfect person, give me some time!”
“Harry, there won’t be a perfect person!” you raise your voice, done with running the same circles at this point. “Any of the previous applicants would have taken good care of Izzy, why are you ignoring it?!”
“Stop telling me what to do when it comes to Izzy!” he then snaps, his voice beaming through the room, taking you by surprise. But what he says after this is what really hits you hard in the chest. “She is my daughter, not yours!”
Part of you knows he didn’t mean it the way it came out. Like you had absolutely no relations to Izzy, like you weren’t partially raising her way before you got together with Harry. You can see that it just slipped out in the heat of the moment, but your anger is making you selfish and not care about that anymore. His words hurt and you’ve stopped making excuses for him.
“Yeah, you’re right. Why am I still even here?” you calmly ask before simply turning around and heading out.
The calm but warning tone snaps him out and he is quick to realize he has crossed a line. He launches after you and almost catches you in the hallway when Izzy runs inside, calling out for him.
“Daddy! Daddy!”
Harry stops and turns around to see if she is alright and it gives you just enough time to escape. You rush out of the house and throw yourself into your car, igniting it and driving away as Harry shows up at the front door, calling after you, but you ignore it, making your way to your mom’s. You need a familiar place to calm yourself down at.
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Harry tries to call you several times, and though the first few times it rings out, you send his calls to voicemail almost immediately after a while.
“Damn it,” he growls after another failed attempt to reach you. It’s been almost an hour since you stormed out and he is losing his mind, not knowing where you are, especially after what he said.
He regretted it the moment the words fell from his lips, but he knew it was too late. He let his anger bring the worst out of him and it all crashed down on you when you didn’t deserve any of it. Harry knows you’re right, he’s been trying to find something bad about every applicant because… part of him thinks that he is a bad father for not being the one taking care of Izzy all the time. If it wasn’t enough already, he’s been feeling like a failure for years… ever since he lost his wife because he wasn’t ready to commit more time for his family. He’s been dealing with the thought of being the worst father for so long, sometimes he convinces himself it’s the truth.
If I was ready for another baby, Maggie wouldn’t have had to die. If I put my family first, she would still be alive, he tells himself often when he is feeling the darkness clouding over his mind. Little does he know that it’s all just in his head. It doesn’t make him a bad father that he wanted to wait a little longer before having another baby. He never put his work above his family, he was always there when he was needed and made sure his loved ones are safe and taken care of. Never in his life did he ever put his work before Izzy or Maggie or anyone in his life he cared about.
But sometimes, your mind can play dirty tricks on you. And Harry fell for them.
As time is passing by he is growing more and more anxious when he doesn’t hear from you. No calls, no texts, he has no idea where you went or when you’re coming back. Sitting on the edge of the bed he stares out the window blankly before his eyes wander to the side where you usually sleep and it hits him hard when he realizes how eerily similar the situation is.
Following a fight his lover runs away, doesn’t answer his calls and he can’t get a hold of her. It’s like history is repeating itself all over again and as realization creeps up his spine, his throat tightens and he gasps, tears flooding into his eyes. With shaky hands he grabs his phone and dials Niall’s number, hoping he is not out somewhere at a bar, ignoring his phone.
“What’s up?” he answers the phone delightfully.
“Call Heather now and ask if she knows Y/N’s mom’s address,” he snaps immediately frantically.
“Woah, what happened?”
“Niall! Just do what I asked!” he barks and ends the call, giving his friend the chance to obey. Luckily, Niall feels the seriousness of the situation and does as Harry asked. A few minutes later a text arrives to Harry’s phone with the address.
Putting Izzy into the car he speeds down the streets to Gemma’s house who is shocked to see her brother in this state, but she doesn’t have the chance to ask anything as Harry drops Izzy off and asks her to watch her for the night.
“Okay, yeah, but—“
“Not now, Gemma!” he calls back, already running back to his car, heading to your mother’s house where you sought comfort following the fight.
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“Not that I don’t like having you here, but you really should go home and talk it out.” Trevor joins you outside where you’ve been sitting on the steps of the terrace, staring out into the darkening sky. It’s been a few hours since you basically ran away from home and Harry has been blowing your phone up so you put it into airplane mode, sending all his calls to voicemail until you feel like dealing with him.
Trevor sits beside you, his long legs coming up closer to his chest as he sits the same way as you, his arms hug his knees.
“I know, I just… I’m a little tired,” you mumble.
“You don’t have to discuss it, but Harry would want you home for the night, don’t you think?”
“Yeah,” you nod breathing out. “Do you think I overreacted?” you ask him, feeling unsure about the way you acted. Was it too much? Did you have the right to do it? You’re not so sure about it anymore.
“Well, he didn’t lie about Izzy not being your daughter,” Trevor huffs. “Though he could have handled the situation better. I get it that he just wants what’s best for her, but you were right too.”
Sitting in silence Trevor doesn’t try to convince you to apologize or keep holding a grudge. He just lets you figure it out all by yourself.
Not long later you go back inside and grabbing your phone from the dining table you decide to turn it back on, missed calls and texts flooding the device, but for your biggest surprise, not just from Harry.
Heather: Niall just called me to get your mom’s address urgently, everything alright?!
“Oh shit,” you gasp, typing a quick reply to assure her that you’re fine and then you open Harry’s text seeing how frantic he grew over time and you realize what it must feel like to him. The situation is way too similar to the way he lost Maggie and though you didn’t mean to hurt him by putting him through it again, it’s already too late.
Just as you are about to call him to let him know you’re fine a car pulls up on the drive way and you know it’s him. You rush out the front door the moment he jumps out of the car, eyes wide, chest heaving as he finally lays his eyes on you.
“Oh my God!” he breaks down in tears as you smash against him, wrapping him in your arms, he does the same, his strong arms circling around your waist tightly as he sobs into your chest painfully.
“I’m fine, everything is alright. I’m fine. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry for running away like that,” you mumble, kissing the side of his head, holding him for dear life.
“I was so scared it happened again!” he whimpers, his whole body shaking. You slowly start pulling him until you reach the little front porch where there is a small bench kept next to the front door. You sit and pull him with yourself, he doesn’t even loosens his hold around you, as if you would turn to dust if he lets go of you.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t think it through,” you hum, fingers combing through his hair as you try to calm him down. He is still shaking, but his sobs are starting to die down finally, his hands still fisting your shirt at your waist.
“No, I’m sorry for being such a dick. I didn’t mean it. You are doing so much for Izzy and I, I don’t know what I would do without you!” he whimpers and when he finally lifts his head up, your heart breaks at the painful look in his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. You were right about everything! Please forgive me!”
“Oh Harry,” you breathe out, the tears already welling in your eyes as you brush his messy curls out of his forehead.
“I’m so sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to hurt you, what I said was bullshit! Please forgive me, I can’t… I don’t want to lose you, Y/N,” he stutters with one breath and then he adds: “I love you.”
Your lips part as you stare back at him in total awe at his sudden confession. Though it’s been an emotional ride, you weren’t expecting him to drop this bomb on you. A smile cracks on lips as you cup his face in your hands, feeling a hot tear rolling down your cheek.
“I love you too, Harry,” you answer, both of you letting out a relieved chuckle as he finally presses his lips to yours. His kiss tastes salty from both your tears, it’s needy and a little uncoordinated, but it means the world to you at this moment.
Sitting on the little bench you finally talk everything out once you both calm down enough to speak. Harry admits that he’s been so picky about the nannies because he is still struggling to be the best father he can and is reminded of being alone in this every time he faces a struggle. It constantly reminds him that he is supposed to have his partner with him, solving everything together, but now he is on his own and has to provide the best possible life for Izzy.
“Harry… you’re not alone,” you breathe out, heart aching for the man you love with everything in you. “And I’m not only talking about myself. Your mom, Gemma, Niall, even Saige, Ava and Linda are always happy to help you out with everything. If Maggie was still here, it wouldn’t be just the two of you. Raising a child needs a whole village,” you chuckle softly. “But if you want a partner in it… I’m here. And I really mean it. I see a future with you, I want to be part of your family, of course, only if you let me.” Reaching over your hand finds his on his lap and you squeeze it gently as he looks at you, his expression still a little torn, but it’s not as painful as it was when he arrived.
“I would love to have you be part of my family, Y/N.”
It’s like a rock is lifted off your chest upon hearing his reassuring words. This is all you ever wanted, have a partner in life who is willing to build a future together with you and Harry is offering you just that.
You stay on that old little bench for so long, you don’t even realize how late it has gotten, only when your mom shows up at the door, wearing her nightgown and a fluffy robe.
“Don’t want to bother, but do you want to spend the night? Just asking if I should get you some extra pillows and blankets…”
“Oh! Um, no. We are going home, but thank you mom,” you smile tiredly, noticing it’s nearing midnight now.
Harry stands from next to you and as he steps to your mother you realize they haven’t even met. Harry stands tall in front of your mom, but you notice the nervous flash in his eyes.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t even have the time to introduce myself,” he mumbles with a nervous chuckle. Your mom blushes, most likely finding your boyfriend quite handsome though you already showed pictures of him to her. “I’m Harry,” he says, holding out a hand.
“Oh, no worries! I’m Tina!” she smiles charmingly as they shake hands.
“Nice to meet you, Tina.”
“I know we should have probably had a better introduction, but we’ll come around some other time under better circumstances,” you chuckle softly as you stand up from the bench too.
You say goodbye to Trevor and your mom and finally head home. Harry tries to convince you to ride back in his car, but you don’t want to leave yours here, so you tell him it’s going to be fine. Both of you arrive in one piece and you only realize that Izzy is nowhere to be found when you walk into the house.
“Dropped her off at Gemma’s. I’ll have to explain a lot of things to my sister tomorrow, but it can wait,” he chuckles softly before his hands reach out to you, grabbing your waist gently as he pulls you closer to him. “I’m so sorry for tonight, Y/N.”
“Hey, we agreed that no more apologizing,” you remind him of the deal you made earlier. “It’s all in the past.”
Harry nods, huffing through his nose before leaning down he kisses you softly, as if you were some kind of fragile artwork that needs to be handled with so much care.
“I love you,” he whispers against your lips, his eyes barely open under his thick lashes.
“I love you too,” you smile back, your hands coming to rest at the base of his neck.
“I will never get tired of hearing that,” he chuckles lowly, making you laugh too.
“Good, because I’ll be saying it a lot.”
“Perfect.”
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“Stop picking on your lip!” you warn Harry when you catch him fidgeting with his bottom lip. He wouldn’t admit, but he is surely nervous as the two of you are waiting for Izzy to join you downstairs. She just got home from the zoo with Gemma, they had an amazing day together, but it had a purpose. You needed her to be looked after while you went to the doctor. It was your first ultrasound since the time you went to see if you’re really pregnant or the tests just fooled you, but it was one hundred percent legit. You were indeed pregnant.
You and Harry got married a few weeks before Izzy turned six. She was the cutest little flower girl in the small ceremony held at the backyard of your own home. Both of you agreed that you don’t want anything big and flashy, just an intimate little wedding with your close family and friends. It’s been two months of being husband and wife and it’s almost completely sure the little baby growing now in your tummy was conceived on your wedding night…
You’ve been keeping it a secret, wanting to tell Izzy first before sharing the news with your friends and family.
“Do you want to talk first or do I do it?” Harry asks in a whisper, as if Izzy could hear anything from upstairs.
“I have a feeling you wouldn’t be able to get a word out so I’ll take the lead, if you don’t mind,” you chuckle softly and Harry doesn’t argue.
He has been such a nerve wreck thinking about telling Izzy that she is going to be a big sister. These past years she has dealt so well with processing everything about the situation with her mom, you and the idea of her dad having a new wife. You felt like she was a little confused at the beginning, but once you had an actual, mature talk with her, answered all her questions, you could see things shift to place in that cute little head of hers. Now she knows what it means that her mom passed and how you came into the picture. This is why you have no doubt she’ll take the news well, but Harry is still afraid she might flip.
Little feet tap against the floor somewhere upstairs and then Izzy runs down the stairs, joining you at the dining table.
“What’s the surprise?” she asks in excitement. You told her you have a surprise for her when she arrived and now she is pumped for whatever is coming.
“Izzy, you know how Zac has a little brother, right?” you ask, smoothly starting the discussion.
“Yes! His name is Jeremy!”
“Yeah. So Jeremy is a little younger than Zac, they are siblings. Zac’s parents wanted to have more than just one kids and so they decided to have Jeremy.”
“Mrs. Rumbald had him in her belly!” she explains cleverly. The topic of babies has already came up earlier, so now she has an idea of what really happens when a couple decides to have a baby.
“Exactly,” you nod smiling. “You know how your daddy and I are now married, right? We talked about what it meant.” Izzy nods, glancing at her father who is sitting beside you, sweating his balls off even though it’s going smoothly. “Married couples often decide to have babies. This is what your dad and I did too and now there is a baby in my belly too. That means that you’re going to have a little brother or sister soon.”
Izzy blinks a few times, processing your words before her face lights up with excitement as she gasps.
“Can I play with her?” she asks, making you and Harry laugh.
“Might be a boy, baby,” Harry chimes in.
“Okay, then can I play with him or her?” she corrects herself.
“Well, you have to be careful with newborn babies, but I’m sure she or he will love to play with you!”
“What’s it gonna be called?” she asks her next question.
“We don’t know that yet. But you can suggest names if you want to,” Harry offers.
“Can it be Elsa if it’s a girl?” she immediately suggests and you smile at her first thought. Of course she says Elsa, she is going through her mandatory Frozen obsession like every other kid at her age.
“We’ll put it on the list,” you tell her. “Do you want to see a picture of the baby?”
“You can take pictures of the inside of your belly?” she asks with a confused look.
“Well, not with a camera like the ones I use,” you explain as you place the black and white, messy picture of the tiny baby in front of her. She grabs it and starts inspecting it as if it was some kind of puzzle and you can tell she is having a hard time making out where the actual baby is. “That’s right there. It’s still tiny and has to grow a lot,” you tell her, pointing at the right splotch in the picture.
“Can I keep this picture?” she asks smiling up at you sweetly. “I want to put it to my wall!”
A while ago Harry has gotten her a huge frame right above her bed that has wires running across it with tiny clips attached. You’ve gifted her her favorite polaroids from your stack you’ve collected through the years, most of them featuring the three of you. It’s touching to know that she wants her little sibling there already.
“Of course!” you breathe out, touched by the idea.
You follow her up into her room and while she stands on the bed, you put the sonogram next to a photo that was taken of her and Harry on her sixth birthday.
“Can I tell my friends at school that I’m going to have a brother or sister?” she asks, still standing on the bed so now she is almost as tall as you are.
“Um…” glancing over at the door your eyes meet Harry’s who just shrugs, letting you know it’s up to you. “I guess you can, yes.”
“Thank you!” she beams, throwing her little arms around your neck as she hugs you tight and you return it gladly. “Can I watch some TV, please?” she asks with an angelic look she knows you can never resist.
“Yeah, but only for an hour,” you tell her as she jumps in victory before climbing off the bed. Running to the door she gives Harry a hug before disappearing down the hallway. Harry walks in, a proud and soft smile tugging on his lips as he steps to you, his hands finding your waist. He pulls you against his hard chest, pressing a chaste kiss to your forehead.
“This went well, right?” he asks.
“Yeah, you were such a big help, sitting there in silence,” you chuckle teasing him.
“But you handled it so good, baby. I didn’t want to interrupt,” he smirks and you just roll your eyes at him before circling your arms around his neck.
“Uh-huh, sure,” you smirk. “So… are you ready to be a daddy again?” you ask him with a shy smile.
“Technically, I never stopped being a daddy,” he points out. “The real question is, are you ready to become a mommy?” he asks turning it back to you.
“I’m… a little nervous, but very excited. I think I’m ready,” you nod smiling.
“Don’t worry, it’s gonna be alright,” he hums, kissing into your hair.
“Wow, when did you become the emotional support in this relationship?” you tease him and he just rolls his eyes.
“Learned from the best,” he nudges his nose against yours before kissing you softly. “I love you.”
“Love you too,” you smile against his lips, thinking about how long the two of you have become since you first met and you are happy you got to be the person who taught Harry how to love and be loved again.
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Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!
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soupbabe · 3 years
Text
Stardust Crusaders w a Chubby s/o!
Gender neutral reader babey!! Also added Iggy (platonic) to replace Old Joseph because the most I got was sugar daddy Joseph. He has that Speedwagon Foundation money, that's it.
Also this really do be showing who my favorites are out of them skdndkkd
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~ Jotaro Kujo ~
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He doesn't care what you look like, but that doesn't stop him from checking you out occasionally. You look different compared to a lot of students he's seen at his school and he highkey low-key likes what he's seeing
Looks just aren't that important to Jotaro in my opinion, he knows what it feels like to be given unwanted attention or people only wanting him just for his looks and nothing else. Why would he act the same way to you?
That being said, if you are in a relationship with him he's surprisingly sweet.
When y'all are alone he likes to give you little complements while you're cuddled up beside him or on top of him, playing with his hair.
Not the biggest on pda because he knows that the rest of the group *cough cough* Joseph and Polnareff *cough cough* would tease him to hell and back, but sometimes Star Platinum would be sneaky and give you surprise hugs from the back while he rubs his cheek against your chubby ones
It never fails to make you let out a little chuckle and you kiss him on the cheek to show appreciation to both Joot and Star <3
I fully believe that his favorite part of your body are your big arms. Like they're so soft omg and when the group can rest for a bit he likes to rest his head on them and silently enjoy how soft they are
You like to tease him about how soft he can be and you'll get one out of three reactions: Him pulling his hat down to hide a flustered Jotaro, a playful (but still scaring looking) glare, or a flick to the forehead
~ Noriaki Kakyoin ~
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I feel like he wouldn't be too shy about his attraction to you, complimenting you at random times but it wouldn't be overbearing. It's mostly just to see how cute your face looks when your face heats up and you try to quicky push away the flustered feelings
How couldn't he not find you attractive? I like to think that he's a huge art nerd and your figure reminds him of those people in paintings who radiated beauty and gracefulness
Uh yea doesn't matter if you literally go feral in fighting, that's all that comes to his mind when he sees you sjsnsjsk
Somewhat shy when it comes to pda, but he is touched starved so he'll always link his slim fingers with your soft and chubby ones while you guys travel
Loves to lay his head on your fluffy stomach, twirl his lil hair noodle and he'll fall asleep within 5 minutes
This is a very good thing to exploit when he's up late playing on his Game Boy that sneaked in while preparing for the trip to Egypt
Just fuckin uh y a n k him into cuddle time and he'd probably won't complain too much. You're warm and it's very nice.
His favorite body part is your thick thighs, he likes to lay between them while he plays his game. You're his favorite gaming chair technically.
Eh don't worry though he gives lil celebratory kisses to them everytime he wins a game
~ Jean-Pierre Polnareff ~
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Absolutely adores plus sized bodies! There's more to love and hold onto, you know?
Your biggest supporter, supplier of confidence, and the booster of your ego
"Oh Mon cheri/Ma Cherie! You look so amazing in those new clothes! Your curves look wonderful as always!~"
He's beefy as all hell and he will lift you up. Literally doesn't matter how heavy you think you are you are getting treated like royalty
Squeezes your soft frame like a teddy bear sometimes.
Enjoys pda, but like it's mostly having his arm around your squishy waist and if you aren't comfortable with it he'll respect it 1000%!
Will absolutely show you off to anyone and everyone! He almost got decked by Star once for annoying Jotaro because he kept going on and on about you and you just laughed at it
Enjoys having you lay on top of him, ngl it's like his own weighted blanket and you get to be able to bury your face in his big bara tiddies
He likes to touch you a lot and enjoys holding you close at night. I just think it's because he wants to double check to see if you're actually real. He's lost a lot of loved ones and has been learning to cherish them more before they're gone and having you here with him and staying for as long as you have makes him fear that he'll lose you for a tiny bit so he takes any opportunity to get to be with you.
I think he'd just admire your stretch marks! It makes you unique and he loves the way you laugh when he places lil smooches all over them
~ Muhammad Avdol~
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Absolute sweetheart the love I have for this man is immeasurable ajdjsksjsn he's so gentle with you it doesn't matter how you look he would love you regardless your size
He seems like a man who is proud of his knowledge and appreciation of other cultures, his favorite thing is to feed you his favorite foods, watching your eyes light up while he tells you interesting facts about how they make it and where it comes from
Really not one to go wild on pda, hand holding or draping an arm around you around you to keep you close is what he's comfortable with
He seems like he'd know how to bake omg he'd absolutely lose it if you baked with him because he can just sneak up behind you, wrap his arms around your tummy, while just acting like the close proximity between your faces isn't making your face show visible signs of your mind going 'y/n.exe has stopped working'
His robe is absolutely huge on you and it's your favorite blanket when the group has to sleep in the desert.
I can imagine it smelling so nice like what comes to mind is white sage?? Anyways, his coat is definitely a comfort item you wear on those days where you do feel a bit insecure. It's big, soft, and smells like the man that brings you the most comfort.
His chickens adore you so much!! Literally they would have to or else Muhammad would not be in a relationship with you lmao, he believes they have good judgement and they're like his kids.
They love to be by your side and they love to be in your lap, you're just so soft it's like heaven to them
Yea his favorite body part is your plush tummy! He just finds it cute and it's his favorite thing to either rest his head on or grab onto while cuddling! If you wear a crop top (or shirtless if you're a masc person and crop tops aren't your thing :) ) and his face just burns up omg you're so handsome/beautiful how did he ever get so lucky
~Iggy (Platonic. Of course.)~
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(IM SO SORRY BUT I'M LAUGHING AT THIS PICTURE SO MUCHS SKSHSKNSKSKS)
You're his owner, the only one who can pet and dote on him like the little feral baby he is <3
He lets you take a piece of his coffee gum and occasionally steals treats for the both of you to share sometimes
Although the majority of it goes to Iggy because it's all covered in dog drool
When it's car ride time he loves to lay in your lap or sometimes he forces has you carry him around because he enjoys being able to relax in your big arms
If people start staring at you inappropriately, including any of the Crusaders, expect them to get barked and growled at
If anyone decides to make rude comments surrounding your weight, enemy or not, they're getting their hair ripped out and their left shoe shit in <3
You make sure to buy him extra gum and call him a good boy
He's like your furry little bodyguard, if anyone does or talks some shit, they're going to get hit
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bloodycassian · 3 years
Text
darkness defined - 
az or cass x reader idk if this makes sense or not but here we go, either az or cas POV where reader (their mate) was stuck under the mountain with rhys and doesn’t come back bc she is still locked in the dungeons (rhys just assumed she died, he doesn’t know she is still alive)  Switch to readers POV, a few months later where they think their mate and their family (the night court) has abandoned them bc nobody ever came looking for her. Reader is like on the verge of death and uses her last energy to send a pulse down the bond. Switch back to az or cas POV  who are basically freaking out with guilt and anger and worried-ness. Im sorry it’s super long don’t feel pressured to write this anytime soon idk if it even makes sense  
DONT APOLOGIZE FOR BEING SPECIFIC! I LOVE WORKING WITH THIS KIND OF STUFF PLEASE DO MORE LOL
Cassian was a wreck. From the moment Rhys came home alone, and until the end of time it seemed to be. Azriel sighed, watching his brother down his second bottle of alcohol. His eyes were red, face gaunt and pale. The circles under those tortured eyes looked more like bruises. 
He hadn't talked to Rhys much since the news came that you were gone. Cassian had practically blown the roof off the house of wind, then disappeared for two weeks. The only reason Rhys had let him was because Az followed, far behind just to make sure he wasn't going to do anything drastic. 
Azriel watched his brother circle the mountain, only to have to turn away. Wards made by Helion himself refused entry to anyone while the mountain was still being evacuated of Fae. He glared daggers at the people streaming outside the shield. His heart was a painful stab in his chest constantly. His mate.. gone. He refused to believe it. And Azriel saw the denial there, plain as day. 
Azriel had only stopped him once. When he packed a bag and started his flight to Hybern. He earned a black eye and a verbal lashing for that, but it had saved Cassian from going on a suicide mission.
After a month of being out, he went to his brother. Rhys refused to ask Helion to lower the shields around the Mountain, and finally Cassian seemed to give up. He would have gone to Helion himself, but the wards around his court prevented him from doing so. Rhys was torn up over the entire experience of under the mountain, but losing you was one of the worst parts. He would never forgive himself for losing his brother's mate. 
Azriel watch his brother's eyes get more and more dull. Watched the bottles stack up. Rhys wasn't around much, busy regaining control over his city, getting updated. And keeping an eye on Spring Court.  Cassian sighed when the bitter liquid hit his tongue. He drank like it was salvation. Like it would lead him back to you. Plus, it helped him sleep. It was the only time he could sleep without seeing you, without feeling that pull - the command his instincts gave. "Find me, find me. I'm here. I love you. Please."  He often escaped to the cabin. To not have to talk to anyone, and to keep Rhys from stealing his bottles from him. Cassian was convinced Rhys was saving them to drink for himself. That's where he found himself flying, bottle of booze in hand. The guilt a lead weight in his stomach. 
The door shut, and he finished the first bottle in an hour. 
Mor appeared beside him, took the second bottle from his hand and had a long drink herself. He smiled drunkenly, showing too many teeth at her. He wasn't sure if she was actually glowing or if it was his eyes squinting too much. "Cheers." He slurred, taking the bottle back and downing more.
+ The walls were getting drier and drier with each passing day. The once cool winds that would cut through the stone dungeons were turning softer, warmer. It was a welcome relief, but without the muddy water from the walls...you knew you didn't have much left. Your spirit was crushed, on top of it. Death seemed like not a terrible option anymore.  Especially knowing that your court - your friends - your family had left you. They had just... forgotten. Thrown you aside like nothing. Didn't even try to find you. Like the Winter court skeleton in the cell beside you, just left to die.
  You pushed the thoughts back, knowing that logically that wasn't true. But you couldnt come up with a reason why they would leave you down here. You prayed, you tried sending thoughts down the bond. Nothing worked. Sometimes your mind got the better of you, and you would rush to the bars of your prison cell when you thought you heard faint footsteps. 
Then you would hear your own voice echo back, and no one else.  Eventually you stopped getting up. You let the fantasies keep you entertained while you lay on the floor. Not caring about the bugs that crawled on you. You were glad there wasn't a mirror to see yourself in. A wave of dizziness crashed over you, and you fell into darkness. 
When the water ran dry, you stopped bothering calling out for Cassian. The bond was there, but saturated. Trying to grasp it was like trying to hold wind. You were too exhausted. So you propped yourself up in a corner and let the dizziness pull you under again for a moment. Taking rattling breaths, you let your mind wander to that mind bridge. That once sturdy marble that would always remind you of Cassian. 
You sent out a final tug down that bond. Using the last of your energy, you put all your effort into it. "I'm here, I always will be. I love you. I'm sorry." The platform you imagined your bond being seemed to go dark, and lifeless. Empty.
+ Cassian shot upright, head spinning. Mor was asleep beside him, her feet on the table. He shook her, trying to shake the stupor. "Wake up. Wake up!" She groaned, weakly batting him away. He took a breath, trying to steady himself. He wobbled to the kitchen, dunked his head in the cold sink water and slapped himself a few times. The haziness from his stupor crawled away, slowly. 
Mor appeared in the archway, rubbing her eyes.
"Get Rhys. I need you to winnow us." He demanded, patting her face softly. Her eyebrows knit together but she stretched, and sleepily obliged.  + You assumed the crackling was just your starved imagination. Again. But the wind changed as well, and you tried not to let your hopes up. You weakly opened your eyes, to the same familiar cell. A silent tear slid down your cheek.  Then there were the shuffling of footsteps again, and you hid your face in your hands. It seemed like all the imagination tricks were attacking at once. You wanted it to stop. You wanted nothing more than to just fall asleep until you could see and hold Cassian again. Voices, now.
The sweet deep voice of a man who spoke another language. An ancient language. Your ears rang. You cracked your eyes again, to a blinding white light. You held a hand in front of your face, trying to see behind it. 
A thud, and scrape of metal. Then the scent hit you. It was similar to what you had imagined but somehow a million times better. Then, his arms were around you. "Mother above." He breathed. You would have thought the mother took you at last if it wasnt for the pain in your gut.
"We got you honey, I'm so sorry. Im-" He tried to hold back a sob. You smiled weakly at the familiar, yet different eyes that you loved. The marble platform you shared seemed to be lighting up with happiness. At the same time, crumbling and falling with shame. Anguish. 
Rhys began winnowing the group immediately, nodding to Helion. The high lord gave him a melancholy smile back, and winnowed himself in a flash of light. He would check the rest of the mountain with his forces and repair the wards before he returned to his home. 
Everyone surrounded the healer, watching her work. Mor was trying to stay calm, but her hands shook when she held Amrens. Rhys and Azriel both had jaws clenched, shoulders tense. Watching the way Cassian's tears fell on to your shoulder as he cradled you. The healer squeezed  his arm softly, silently requesting him to move. He didn't.
Azriel went to his brother, wrapping an arm around him. "Your mate needs you to be strong, Cas." He consoled, pulling him away gently. Cassian held you tighter, just for a second then nodded and let go. He held your hand firmly. His warmth missing from your body was a shock. You began shivering. Amren tugged a blanket off the guest couch nearby and placed it over your legs. 
"T-thanks." you muttered. Her eyes widened, but she nodded. Her and Rhys glanced to each other. A silent conversation. You didnt care. 
"Cas?" You squeezed his hand, and there he was. His pale face looked ragged. He seemed like he was struggling in every sort of way. You didnt want to imagine what he was looking at when he looked at your features. You could practically feel your cheeks sinking in, your bones losing their density. "I missed you." You smiled, trying to lift his mood. 
His lips quivered, and he nodded. He kissed the back of your hand. "You wouldnt believe how much I missed you. All of us did." he glanced to Rhys. His face was blank, but that steady stream of power seemed to be crackling outside. 
You let your eyes drift to each of your friends. Each of their tear stained faces were such a welcome relief. Over a month alone, their presence alone was enough to soothe that part of you that doubted their love. 
Cassian kissed your forehead, before the healer's light knocked you into a peaceful sleep. 
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lavenderwhore444 · 3 years
Note
UR OFFICIALLY MY FAVORITE BLOG FOR SUB SHIGARAKI AND I TOTALLY AGREE THAT SHIGARAKI DOES HAVE A MOMMY KINK✋😔 ANYWAYS CAN I PLEASE REQUEST SUB SHIGARAKI WITH A MOMMY KINK AND PEGGING PLEASE
🌸 Mommy fic for mothers’s day 😌 🌸
If you want to use interactive fics, it's easy and makes reading fics SO much better. First, you download the Google Chrome extension. You'll see it in the top right corner of your screen. Next, you enter your name in the first box. If you want to change something other than y/n, please click on the text that says “want to change something other than y/n?” here, you can change any word you want to a different word. When I talk about your quirk I will use y/q
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🌸 BESTIE I JUST POSTED ONE here she is BUT HERES ANOTHER AND SINCE IM BOLD AF AND REALLY FEELING THE MOMMY KINK LET ME HIT YOU WITH...
His lactation kink
Sometimes he's so far gone when he's sucking on your boobs that he gets worried/surprised/mad that there's no milk.
Like you're mommy....why no milk for Shiggy?
Let's be real as much as he may want kids in the future. He's not willing to get you prego in the middle of a war. But he will find the money to get those pills adoptive mothers use when they want to breastfeed their adopted baby. And you'd better take them. If you're not immune to his quirk...avoid him for a few days weeks. He will NOT be happy. I know that sounds mean, but he will dust you because you refused. Sorry, I'm right. He's a total brat.
And I mean, c’mon, if you've seen that manga panel, you know the man loves tits. Despite popular belief, he probably has a thing for tiny boobs so he can watch them get bigger once they fill up with milk because of the pills you will be taking. Like if you refuse, tell Dabi what color flowers you want at your funeral.
But this will be saved for another fic that's already cooking in my brain.
I'm gonna be honest, I was a little skimpy with the whole mommy thing last time, y’know, just testing the waters, but oh lord, get ready.
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“Mommy, ” he whined, “Mommy, please. I need it so bad, ”
He was straddling your thigh, grinding and humping it desperately. He looked so sweet and pathetic, whining for mommy while desperately trying to get himself off. He was on the verge of tears now. He didn't want to cum in his pants. It's so embarrassing. Little did he know that's exactly what you wanted. Something about seeing him cry out and hide his face in your neck as he was unable to stop the cum spurting out of his dick and into his pants was so hot. He was so embarrassed. One time Shigaraki even cried.
The sadistic side of you wanted him in tears: red eyes and a runny nose. But you loved it when he crawled into your arms, still sniffling as you rubbed his back. You wanted to humiliate, break him down just to build him back up again. Worship his body and tell him how good he was. Whisper how loved and appreciated he was. He started to tug at your shirt, looking up with those puppy dog eyes you loved so, so much.
“Tell me what you want, honey, ” you said.
“I wanna see your boobs, mommy, ” he cried shamelessly.
You nearly laughed at how juvenile it sounded.
“Alright, honey, go ahead, ” you said.
He nearly ripped your shirt in half but restrained himself. He did, however, accidentally bend one of the hooks on your bra. When you were finally bare-chested, he whined desperately, looking up at you.
“Go ahead, ” you urged.
He dove right in, sucking and groping your tits. You moaned softly as he twisted your nipple. His hips were moving even faster, the spot of precum becoming more noticeable. He froze. You heard a strangled cry muffled by your tits as he came. And he did it. He started crying. Hiccuping and sniffling as he buried his face in shame. You stroked his hair.
“Dont cry, sweetie, ” you said, stroking his hair.
He looked up at you with teary eyes.
“Mommy, ” he whispered, another tear rolling down his cheek.
“Right here sweetie, ” you cooed, “mommy’s here, ”
The corners of his chapped lips turned up in a small smile. Mommy’s here. He nuzzled his face into the side of your neck, and you held him tight. You rocked him back and forth slowly, kissing the top of his head.
“Can you do me a favor Tomu?” you asked.
“Yes mommy, ” he nodded eagerly.
You slid out from under him and wiggled out of your pants, lying down on your back. His eyes lit up as he started at your clothed cunt.
“Dont be shy, ” you whispered, “come taste mommy’s pussy, ”
He nearly pounced to suck on your panties. You moaned, only encouraging him to pull off your panties. He almost suffocated himself, shoving his face into your cunt. He loved how you tasted. He loved mommy’s pussy. It was the best. It made him feel so good, and it made you feel good. That was the most important part. He wanted your cum. It didn't matter where, on his face, in his mouth, on his cock. He just wanted mommy’s cum.
He was moaning more than you were as he lapped at your cunt, sending sweet vibrations through you. Your legs wrapped around his head, and he held your thighs in place around his head. You smirked, squeezing his head tighter until he started to whine and struggle from the lack of air. He pulled away, gasping only to dive right back in, moaning again.
He was always a messy eater, caring more about tasting you than making you cum. However, today, he was doing an excellent job. He was pushing his tongue into you as far as it would go, desperately probing while his nose bumped your clit. To your surprise, you were cumming in no time, tugging his hair. You were crying his name as your legs quivered. He savored every drop, overstimulating you beyond coherent thinking.
“You did so good baby. You did so good for mommy, ” you panted, “let me make you feel good too Shiggy. What do you need, baby?”
“C-can you get the...the special toy we got, mommy?” he whispered.
“Of course, baby, ” you said.
The toy in question was a vibrating dildo attached to your strap-on. He was so excited when he picked it out.
“Look, mommy, it vibrates, ” he said, tugging on your sleeve.
You had bought it without a second thought—anything for him. The toy sat in the closet with a bottle of lube and a remote for the vibrating portion. You moved between his legs and applied lube to your fingers before slipping them in. He was used to the size of your fingers by now but prepping him was still very important. You scissored your fingers to stretch him further. Much to his delight, you began to hit his favorite spot as his sweet moans echoed through the room.
When you pulled your fingers out he whined softly.
“Mommy, please put your fingers back, ” he begged.
“Dont worry, baby. You're gonna feel so so good but you need to be patient, ” you said.
You lined up the toy and sunk in slowly. Tomura let out a long, loud moan that lasted until you were all the way inside of him. His eyes were squeezed shut, and his mouth was open. You waited until his breathing returned to its regular pace before starting to thrust slowly. His eyes rolled back, and a happy sigh left his lips as he met your slow thrusts. As you sped up, he began to pant and whimper, wiggling around to try and find his prostate. When you did find it he nearly screeched.
“M-mommy, ” he moaned, “r-right there...thank you mommy feels so, ugh, so good, ”
You grabbed the remote and pressed the button for the lowest setting. The soft buzzing sound was barely audible over the slapping of skin and squelching as you sunk into him, and of course, Tomura’s whimpers and moans. You could feel it buzzing against your clit as it the strap on rubbed against you. You turned up the intensity and started to chase the vibrating sensation. Meanwhile, Tomura was completely losing it. He was shaking and moaning as you pounded into him relentlessly. He nearly screamed when the vibrator turned up to it's highest setting.
You stopped for a moment deep inside of him and ground against the toy, moving it around in him. It felt so so good, just as good as your favorite vibrator. You were already getting close not only from the vibrations but from Tomura’s slutty moans and whimpers. Crying out for mommy to keep fucking him. So you obliged, setting a pace that had him crying from pleasure. You were getting close. All the pleasure started to focus on your clit until it burst; the little nerve sent waves of mind-blowing pleasure through your whole body.
“Tomura, ” you cried, “fuck I'm cumming, ”
He was right on the edge. The spot you stopped had the vibrating head right up against his prostate. He wiggled a little, rubbing himself on the toy until you decided to keep thrusting into him. His whole body shook as he coated himself in cum.
“Mommy, ” he cried over and over.
You held him tight through his climax and pulled out slowly. With the toy discarded and the mess cleaned up, you moved a mat of sweaty hair out of the sleeping boy’s face. You kissed his forehead and watched as his mouth found its way to your tits. Even in his sleep, he was still a little pervert.
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xpeachesncream · 3 years
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acquainted | five
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> series masterlist <
summary: the biggest goal of a grad student is to get through school in one piece - no petty drama involved, no sweating over the little things. however, that plan almost always never follows through. sometimes, you can’t help but fall into the most unthinkable, unexpected traps and learn the hard way. like, exhibit a: being unable to resist your engaged, substitute teacher, kim seokjin.
pairing: (2nd bts member to be revealed) x reader x engaged!teacher!seokjin
genre: grad school au, student life au | fluff, angst, smut (to come)
words: 4.2k
warnings: implied sexual content, cussing / mature language, relationship issues, angst, club scene, alcohol consumption, intoxication, seokjin is ready to risk it all cause reader is a huge flirt, the love triangle mess shall begin
notes: AH IM SORRY, THAT’S ALL I HAVE TO SAY?!? I TRIED to make this as fair as possible, but i..... clearly have an issue and just really wanted this to be messy lmao 
tags: @laurynne5 @yiyi4657 @miinoongi @teamtardis-notdead @bluesharksandfish​ @photographic-girl (pls msg me if you would like to be added to the taglist!)
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"Waddup bro." Namjoon steps aside to let Jin in. "Wasn't expecting you to come by since we're seeing each other tonight." Jin chuckled.
"Fuck, that's right." Joon laughs as he hands Jin a bottle of water before sitting.
"What, you forgot? You planned this for your own stepbrother."
"No, I know. Just a lot of things going on." He sips on his water, manspreading in Namjoon's loveseat in the livingroom. He tilts his head back and closes his eyes, the headache he felt earlier this morning no longer as bad, but still lingered. After getting home last night, he had tried to push you out of his mind, but failed miserably. It didn't help that he really and genuinely tried to clear the air with Grace, only for her to push him off and sleep on the far end of their bed.
"You alright? What's going on? I feel like I haven't seen you this stressed in a really long time. Last time was probably when you were planning your proposal." Jin softly chuckles, his head still tilted back.
"Yeah, it's been quite the shit show lately."
"Can't be that bad, can it? Have you and Grace been fighting?"
"A tad."
"A tad? The way you're acting right now says it's much more than a tad."
"We've been distant. Busy. We don't do things together anymore." He shortens the shpeel cause quite frankly, he's tired of repeating the story even though he hasn't told many people.
"Why don't you guys talk about it?"
"We can't communicate properly. I try, she gets even more upset and blows me off."
"It's probably just a rough patch in your relationship. I'm sure if you just give each other enough space, you could figure out how to fix things and have a serious conversation about where you both are at and what you need from each other. Remind each other that you're a team, and not working against each other." Jin's slightly shot his head up, his eyebrow raised.
"That's actually pretty solid advice coming from you."
"Shut up, you need help right?" Joon laughs.
"You're right though, it's just been hard. I feel like we've been constantly pushing each other away."
"You two are stubborn."
"Yup, that too." Jin sipped his water.
"I know that's not the only thing on your mind." If it was anyone in Jin's circle, you could count on Namjoon to figure things out before you can even say anything to him. "It's a little hard to believe you came over here to tell me this." In which, he's right. Jin never really talked about his relationship problems, let alone did he go out of his way to tell his friends what was going on. It was more of a thing that naturally came up in conversation when they were all together.
"Don't know what you're talking about." Joon shakes his head.
"Who is she?" Jin watches Namjoon's curious eyes as he leans into the palm of his hand. He was trying to come up with excuses or find ways to see himself out of his conversation, but he couldn't. Namjoon was too smart for this. If it were Yoongi or Hoseok, maybe he could get away with it. The only thing that Jin can come up with is a stupid smirk before he shakes his head and breaks eye contact. "See."
"See what?"
"That smirk. You can't tell me I don't know that smirk. I've been there before, dude. Who is she?" He repeats, causing Jin to succumb to defeat.
"She's a grad student in my creative writing class." Namjoon pauses before he bursts out in laughter.
"I need to sit back and get comfy on my couch for this." He says leaning back and crossing his arms. "She's a grad student? What's her name?" Jin nods.
"Y/N. 25 and so fucking attractive. It's frustrating." Jin groans into his hands.
"And you're telling me you see her more than just a distraction? I mean, I have to ask cause you are going through a rough patch with Grace." Although this is definitely not what Namjoon agrees with, he was only going to advise Jin on how to approach things. But execution-wise, it was up to Jin because this was his life. Namjoon was only part of it.
"She's smart, and she's fun. And.. she's refreshing."
"What did she do to make you feel this way?"
"She kissed me. In my classroom. And," Jin swallows the lump in his throat. "It happened again last night. It almost escalated into other things. But she stopped it." He quickly says because he can see Namjoon's facial expression changing. "She stopped it and she put me in my place because it just made things even more complicated. She said that we should keep our distance from each other."
"Which, she's right Jin. You really can't be doing this." Namjoon says sternly. "Please don't be stupid. This can hurt alot of people, especially since you're still engaged to Grace."
"I know, but likeeeeee--"
"No but's." Joon shook his head. Honestly, he didn't expect this behavior from Jin and it concerned him. "I can't force you on how to act, that's solely up to you. But you need to understand that it has to be one or the other, it can't be both. You either try and work things out with Grace and leave Y/N alone, or you call it quits with Grace."
"Y/N has been occupying my mind lately and it's been hard to push her out."
"Maybe that should be a sign as to what you need to do?" Joon sighs. "I don't know. I don't know her, so I can't say much, but are you really ready to throw away all these years with Grace for her? Like, is it really that serious?" Jin shrugged.
"I don't know, she doesn't want this."
"Correction - she doesn't want this because you're engaged. It's obvious that things would be different if the circumstances changed."
"I love Grace. A lot. We've been through so many things together, lots of ups and downs that taught us things."
"Yeah, and I love you both. I love Grace like a sister. But you can't stick around just because of history and because you both are comfortable, if that's what it really comes down to. It's not fair for both parties. If you find out that this is the end of your relationship with Grace, then it's the end."
"I'm just torn."
"Look, whatever you do, know that I support you no matter what and I'm always going to be here for you. But please do this right, no matter what that is. You can't have both of them."
"Yeah I know, I hear you." Joon nods.
"You're selfish, you know that?" Joon laughs. "You couldn't even introduce her to your single friends?" Jin smiled.
"Nope. Finders keepers." Joon rose his middle finger. "Just do me a favor and keep your mouth shut until I tell Yoongi and Hoseok myself."
"Sure, whatever. Not my battle anyways." He stood up and stretched. "So, where are we taking your little Jungkookie tonight?"
"The club so he can get some for his birthday."
"What a good older brother." Jin laughed.
"Is Grace in New York already?"
"Yep. I'm probably just going to head home and sleep until then. I don't remember the last time I stayed up this late, let alone the last time I went to a club."
"Yeah go home, and not to Y/N's house."
"Should I?" Jin joked, but Namjoon rolled his eyes. "I'm kidding, don't worry. Everything didn't just go in one ear and out the other."
"Yeah, please reassure me and tell me that I didn't waste time giving you advice."
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"Oh my god, hurry up!" Jimin groaned loudly as he laid sloppily on your couch, getting restless while waiting for you, Ryujin and Taehyung to finish getting ready. To be fair, you all had been getting ready and fooling around for 2 hours, while Jimin sat patiently and watched whatever was on TV.
"Shut up, Jimin! I'm going to make sure I look good tonight." Ryujin yelled back.
"For who?"
"The dick I'll be getting."
"Why did I even ask?" Jimin sighed and dug his head into a pillow while you and Ryujin continued to yell and sing along loudly to every song that came through on your bluetooth speakers. "You all look good already, please, what else do you need to do?" He mumbled into the pillow. Don't get him wrong, he loves you all to death. He truly does. But it's just been such a long time since you all have gone out like this. He forgot what it was like.
"You know, she really means me." Taehyung tugged on his collar and swiped his thumb across his bottom lip.
"Okay, honestly. You two should probably fuck already. Get it out of your systems, you know?" You say as you dab lip gloss on your lips before shrugging and rolling your eyes. "Jesus Christ."
"Okay, no. You're supposed to be on my side, and that doesn't help." Ryujin's cheeks flush to a rosy tint as she pulls you aside. You knew damn well she was feeling embarrassed because it was true. She wanted to. Once Ryujin finally dusted herself off and was satisfied with her outfit, you both walked out into the living room to meet Jimin and Taehyung. Their eyes widened as they caught sight of you two, Ryujin in a pink, ruched dress with matching pink heels and you in a matching 2-piece skirt and low cut crop top.
"Oh shit, you both look good as hell." Taehyung says as he gets up and continues to eye both of you up and down. Mostly Ryujin, though. "Shall we head out?"
"Yup!" You say as you come to Jimin's side and lead the way out of your apartment. Jimin decided he'd drive tonight since he didn't feel like drinking too much, but he still wanted to go out and have fun. The crew headed to grab dinner at the Farmhouse Kitchen, which served the best Thai food in town. You all enjoyed some good grub, along with some really strong cocktails. You felt super happy that you all had time to finally do this since it's been a minute. You felt like you could finally let lose and get your mind off of things. The things that your dearest bestfriends don't even know about.
But, stories for other days. Tonight, you felt good and you looked good. You were all that and then some. Maybe tonight was the night you could meet a single, fine ass man to dance up on and act up with.
The cocktails were hitting you and Ryujin the most, already feeling tipsy before heading into the club.
"Wooooo!" Ryujin yelled before laughing out loud. "I'm ready!"
"Okay, yes, same, but please keep it together so we can at least make it inside the club." Jimin pleaded. He led your crew up to security, flashing your IDs one by one and paying for the cover fee before stepping in to the already packed nightclub. You and your friends ended up walking in a straight line, holding each other's hands to navigate through the crowd to the bottom floor. The top floor was the most crowded, being it was the house / EDM floor, while the bottom Hip Hop floor wasn't too jammed packed.
"Shots, my friends?" Taehyung asks as he swings over to the front of the bar. You follow behind him and line up against the bartender, asking for some good ol' Don Julio tequila. It wasn't your fave, but it was definitely Taehyung's go-to, and you can't lie, it got the job done quick for you. You all stick around the bar to take your shots, kicking them back to back [besides Jimin] to really get this night started.
As you waited for the final around, Taehyung is scanning the room and notices a group loudly making their way from down the steps and over to the bar. They were cheering on whoever the birthday boy was. A face in the group had looked familiar, so Taehyung squints his eyes to get a better look, and realizes its no other than Jin with his friends.
"Oh, shit! Look! Mr. Kim's here!" Taehyung laughs and says loudly, pointing towards the other end of the bar.
"Is he really?! Let's go take a shot with him and his friends!" Ryujin squeals as she sees him come into full view. You too, get a glimpse of him as they approach the bar and suddenly, you felt hot and nervous - the alcohol being of no help during this time. He looked good, and he didn't look like the already-handsome-professor you had. His hair was more natural, slightly curly, and almost like he had showered and let it messily air dry. The look was perfect on him. Not gonna lie, you were somewhat happy he was here to see how good you looked and part of you really wanted him to crave you until he couldn't take it anymore. You wanted to drive him crazy, and little did you know that you already were. It was a game you didn't mind playing, especially since you knew you couldn't have him.
You shouldn't.
"Ayeeeee! Mr. Kim!" Taehyung's ass yells with Ryujin cheering in the back. He does nothing but flash that smile of his while chuckling. His friends are all really handsome as well, one especially caught your eye with the way his wavy black hair fell down his eyes as he stood against the bar in black ripped jeans and a button up shirt. He seemed to be the youngest out of the group, but you were just assuming.
"Let's take a shot! On me!" Ryujin yells as she runs over with her loud ass. You follow behind her with Taehyung and Jimin, slightly hiding behind Jimin since you were feeling a little shy and awkward at this encounter. The events of the past days just flashed before your eyes, and you can feel Jin's eyes burning holes through you from your peripherals.
"These are your students?" You overhear as one of them looks behind at Jin and laughs.
"Yup." Is all he says, hands deep into his pockets.
"That's her isn't it?" Namjoon says in his ear, loud enough to make sure its clear over the music blasting. Jin simply looks at him without saying a word before returning his attention back on Jungkook, who he noticed was eyeing you. The look said everything to Namjoon.
"Do you know her?" Jungkook points at you and Jin nods.
"Why?"
"Why? She's gorgeous." His eyes light up, causing Namjoon to slightly choke and laugh behind Jin.
"Go for it." Is all Jin says. He's honestly livid right now, because the thought of someone else being able to get a taste of you while he hasn't fucks him up.
"Ohhh, boy." Namjoon sighs. "I hope you're truly over her or else it's going to get really fucked up, you know that right?"
"Don't worry about it." He says, dismissing him as he takes the shot from Yoongi's hand and immediately downs it.
"Hey." The black-haired cutie that caught your eye pushed his way through the group to come into full view. "I'm Jungkook."
"Y/N." You lightly shake his hand before tucking a strand behind your ear.
"I just wanted to say that you're absolutely gorgeous." He says cutely, his hands tucked into his pockets.
"Aw, thank you. That's so sweet."
"I, uh—"
"It's his 23rd birthday today!" One of the guys against the bar yells, grabbing Jungkook's shoulders and playfully massaging it.
"Yeah, it's his birthday Y/N! Give the boy some love!" Ryujin winked from where she was at.
"Happy Birthday." You chuckled as he nods.
"Thanks. Maybeeeee you can bless me with a dance after this shot?" He asked shyly. Boy, was he fucking attractive. You could see his thighs poking through the rips of his jeans, his sharp collarbone poking out from the unbuttoned portion of his shirt and his arm muscles defined even in the dark.
"Yeah, I'd love to." You leaned back against the bar as he stood next to you, waiting for the round of shots to come. "Are these your friends?" He chuckled.
"More like big brothers? That's Yoongi, that's Hoseok and that's Namjoon. They're Jin's friends. Jin is my stepbrother." You swallowed the lump in your throat as you quickly glance at Jin, who's side-eyeing you as he leans against the bar. You have got to be fucking kidding me. God was truly testing you.
"Ohhhh." You respond. "That's sweet of them to take you out."
"I honestly didn't wanna do much, let alone come to the club. It's not really my thing, but I'm glad I did or else I wouldn't have met you." He smiled, his smile being just as perfect as his stepbrother's.
"I'm glad I could make your birthday a good one after all." Ryujin suddenly comes to your side and gives your arm a good squeeze.
"He's a cutie! You better hop on that since Mr.Kim is taken." She says in your ear, pulling you into a hug.
"That's his stepbrother."
"Even better!" She exclaims, making you shake your head. You all gather and take the last round of shots in honor of Jungkook's birthday and shit gets wild, quick. Your group led them to the dance floor, partying together like you had known them since forever. It didn't feel awkward at all knowing it was Jin and group of friends, but it did get awkward when you felt the tension with Jin every time you were near him. He didn't like seeing you dance all up on his stepbrother, getting all handsy and touchy-feely when just the other night, you were straddling his lap, ready to risk it all.
Hell, what was he gonna do though? He couldn't do shit. Not with his people around, especially Namjoon.
You knew this. He didn't have to say anything for you to know he wasn't a fan of it. You'd catch him looking at you throughout the night, his eyes hungry and almost dark. Let's get this straight - there's no bad blood here. You're not mad or bitter [slightly]. You're just having your fun because you're single and can do whatever the fuck you want. You know he wants you, what's wrong with a little tease?
A couple of songs have passed and Ryujin has made her way through Taehyung, Yoongi and Namjoon, and now she was back to doing her own thing on the dance floor. Jimin has had a couple of ladies welcome themselves onto his lap, and he gladly accepted. You loved seeing Jimin have fun and you especially loved when girls swooned at the sight of him because he was deserving of it and he was mighty good looking. He always worked hard and never gave himself a break.
You, on the other hand, had been stuck to the hip with Jungkook and you had brought him deeper into the dance floor, away from the group just to get a little alone time. You had danced up on him majority of the night, his muscular arms always gently bringing you back against his body. You both were feeling some type of way with the alcohol running through your veins, but you weren't complaining one bit. Alcohol or not, Jungkook was fine.
"So, are you going to let me take you out on a date?" Jungkook asks in your ear, causing you to bite onto your bottom lip.
"I'd love to go out on a date with you." You face him, his smile going from ear to ear as he nods and starts taking down your number. To be honest, you could be here all night with him, but you decided you needed a break from all this dancing and from the crowded dance floor. You quickly excuse yourself to the bathroom, suddenly needing to break the seal really badly and freshen up. As you were exiting the bathroom, Jin was also exiting the men's bathroom at the same time. You both locked eyes, with you breaking the contact with a small, toothless smile before walking off.
"Y/N." He says, gently grabbing your wrist and pulling you back towards him. His body is against the back wall, both of your groups distant and not as visible from where you're standing. He looks down at you, his hand still wrapped around your wrist.
"Jin."
"You haven't said one word to me all night."
"I'm trying to keep my distance from you, remember?"
"You know that's not necessary." His hand was now on the small of your back, fingers gently caressing your back in small circles.
"It is. You know what you do to me." You say as you look down at his lips. Truthfully.
"And so do you." You can feel his breath against your skin and it sends goosebumps down your entire body. You're trying your hardest right now to not get turned on by this man, let alone throw yourself onto him. "This isn't fair, you know?"
"I gotta get back to everyone." You say, slightly pulling back.
"Just for the record," He gently pulls you back, his other hand lifting your chin. "Jungkook might have you right now, but I know in the end you'll be coming home to me and that's all that matters." He lets go of your wrist and walks away, leaving you slightly dumbfounded at the way he stood his ground like that. Your panties felt soaked, and you wanted nothing more but to ride this man into the next dimension. He was truly testing you, and quite frankly, you could burst any minute now.
"You okay?" Jimin says, lightly squeezing your arm. "You were gone for awhile."
"Yeah, long line." You lied.
"We're thinking about heading out, you good with that?" You nod silently. You look around to see Ryujin flirting with Yoongi and Namjoon, making you shoot him a look. "Not me, all you. Go get her." He shakes his head, chuckling.
"Alright, I need to say bye to Jungkook anyways."
"Oooh, Jungkook." He wiggles his eyebrows. You make your way over to the area that Jin and his friends are occupying, prying Ryujin's drunk ass away. You give Jungkook a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek, letting him know you'd be waiting for his text.
Finally, you all headed out of the club and into Jimin's car, Ryujin being the first drop off of the night. Thank God he had decided to drive, because all three of you were still pretty tipsy and in no condition to get behind the wheel.
"Y/N, listen to me. You need to hop on Jungkook because he's fine as fuck!" Ryujin's drunk ass yells in the backseat as Jimin is making his way to her house.
"Ouch, Ry, stop kicking my chair." Jimin whines.
"Y/N, did you hear me?"
"I hear you loud and clear, Ry. Thank you." You laugh.
"And you, Jimin! I hope you grabbed a ton of numbers because there were tons of pretty ladies feeling you tonight and you need a girl!"
"Perfect, thank you for pointing out how single I am." He says, making Taehyung snorts.
"What about me?"
"Shut up, Tae. You don't need shit. Mind your own business." You and Jimin laugh in your seats.
"Also, Mr. Kim was really eyeing the hell out of you tonight, Y/N." She adds, making you sigh silently to yourself.
"Actually, I concur." Jimin chimes in. "He couldn't keep his eyes off of you."
"Mistress Y/N." Taehyung calls out, causing you to turn and pinch him on the leg. If you haven't gotten it by now, Tae loves to tease the fuck out of you by calling you a mistress. It's been his thing since you got all googly-eyed for him. And you hated it. You truly wanted to fight him every single time.
"It was nothing. He was probably just drunk."
"Sure." Jimin responds. "Call it what you want, he was definitely feeling you tonight." The ride goes silent, which, you're happy that none of them are pressing on it. You were not trying to get caught up at this moment.
Ryujin gets dropped off before Jimin makes his way to your apartment, parking in the yellow passenger/loading zone. Taehyung is knocked out in the back seat, while Jimin throws his hazards on and walks you to the front door of the lobby.
"Thanks for driving, Chim." He smiles and pulls you into a hug.
"No prob. Call me if you need me?" You nod. You walk in and get into the elevator, Jimin and his car disappearing in sight. You take a deep breath and sigh because you had been having an internal battle since the moment you stepped out of the club.
You were losing.
You stepped out of the elevator, only to step into your apartment to quickly freshen up and throw on comfier clothes. You find yourself heading back downstairs to meet your Uber. You knew exactly where you were going and you knew exactly what you were doing.
But you didn't give a fuck. You had been dying to get your needs fulfilled and the only person you wanted was a quick 25 minute Uber trip away.
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Christmas at the Hoods
You escape your family by going home with Calum to Australia for the holiday. And the escape is necessary, but at the end of it, you’re reminded that sometimes family is chosen rather than given. 
Reader Insert. Fluff a little bit of angst. You just a perfect amount of tear your heart out but then put it back like nothing ever happened. 
CW: Death of a parent, strained family relationships. 
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You stare down at the text from your mother. Are u coming home for Christmas? The truth is--no, you don’t want to come home. Home is too stiff, reminds you just how much you don’t fit. And maybe it’s just you, you thinking that you won’t ever live up to their expectations of what your life should be like, and maybe it’s not fair to them. But given all that, you still don’t want to subject yourself to that awful feeling, the squirming in your spot wondering how long is appropriate for you to stay before you dip the family pretend bonding.
You don’t want to go home. But you don’t have an excuse not to go. You sigh and place your phone face down on the counter. Ice clinks around in the glass that Calum sets down in front of you. Over the speakers faintly, you hear the twang and kick of guitar as Carla Thomas sings her conversation with an imagined other. At Christmas time, Calum gave you control over the speakers whenever you come over. He liked the Christmas music you had saved and even if he didn’t always get full on decorations the music helped the holiday feel a bit more real for the time you were over at least.
“What’s wrong?” he asks. “That had to be the heaviest sigh I’ve ever heard.”
“My mom,” you reply, unlocking your phone and showing him the text. “I can’t exactly say, ‘No, I don’t have any plans. But I don’t feel like pretending to care so I won’t be coming home.’ Wouldn’t go over nicely.”
Calum stares down at the text. The exchange previous to this was a Happy Thanksgiving text that you replied to and prior to that it seems like the conversation was just your mother updating you about the changes she was making to the home office. To which you only replied with ‘Pretty!’ but nothing more. He always suspected you and your family weren’t that close. You talked pretty highly of your dad, but he passed away a couple years ago. And you and your mother just didn’t click. Any sort of sustained interaction always seemed to go south. He just hadn’t had a clue just how sort you kept your conversations with your mother.
He had plans to go home to Australia. His sister was flying in too, the first time he wouldn’t have to split his Christmas vacation time between London and Sydney. Calum knew for sure that Luke was going home to Australia too. He wasn’t sure about Michael, though if previous years proved to be any sort of pattern, Michael would be spending Christmas with his partner’s family. Ashton seemed to be tentatively planning spending New Years in Australia at the very least. Sure you had other friends but given the holiday, he suspected that they might be traveling home or spending time with their families.
“Come with me to Australia,” he offers.
“You leave in a week, tops? The cost of that ticket on it’s own is going to be fucking awful.” You take your phone as it’s handed back over, but you only focus in on him. There was no way he was serious about an offer like that. There was no way he was getting a roundtrip ticket for you under three grand. Tickets for that kind of travel months in advance were easily a grand or more. So there was no way Calum could guarantee a ticket for you round trip in a week for a reasonable price.
“I always told you I was going to take you home with me one of these days,” he counters. “Show you those Sydney streets I grew up on.”
You laugh at the way he bobs with his fists in front of his face like a boxer in the middle of the ring. “Yeah, when we could both plan it out and I could at least pay for my own airfare. I can’t Cal. I appreciate it and you. But that’s too soon and I can’t have you dropping money like that on me such short notice.” You take the glass from the counter and spin around in the barstool before traveling to the couch.
Calum drops his arms and follows behind. He’s not worried about money. That’s nothing. “I can’t leave you alone for the holidays. I know going home would just be rough right now. I’d-I’d come with you if you wanted.”
“Oh my god, Calum, no. Go home. You haven’t seen your mom and dad in ages. I’ll be okay.”
“If I cancel I can still get a voucher for another time,” he offers and settles onto the ottoman in front of you.
“Go home. See your parents. Give them a hug. Fucking hell, I’m not worth canceling a trip over. I’ll suffer through this Christmas like I have every other Christmas.”
With a tap to your knee, Calum shakes his head. “My friend absolutely cannot spend Christmas miserable. I won’t have it.”
You shake your head. It’s not like you haven’t had to spend every other CHristmas miserable--what’s one more to the list? Calum looks to the coffee table and spies his phone. He stretches out for it. This would be embarrassing to admit. He wasn’t going to do it like this. In all actuality, he had meant to ask you last week. But you had to out of town for a conference. He hadn’t realized the conference was this late in the year but it was one that you had been trying to get into for years, so when you landed the opportunity, Calum knew you’d take it in a heartbeat.
You take hold of the phone as it’s handed to you. “What’s this?” You ask but Calum remains silent and you glance down to the phone to see it opened to an app. “Why am I staring at trip information?”
“It’s because I bought two round trip tickets,” he returns.
“What do you mean you bought two tickets?”
“One of those is for you. If you want to go.”
You drop his phone into your lap and push to the edge of the seat. “When the hell did you buy these tickets?”
“A couple months ago. I knew the holidays were always a little rough for you.” He shrugs. “At least you won’t have to lie to your mum now.”
“Calum you are the most insane person I’ve ever met and I’ve lived with myself for a while now. When the fuck were you going to tell me?”
“I had plans to last week. But I remembered you were going out of town for that conference and I wanted you to focus on that since you had to present and be on a panel too.”
“How fucking early do I need to wake up?” you asks.
“I-I figured you come over the day before, sleep over and then I’d drive us to the airport.”
“It’s summer in Australia right now, correct?” He nods at your question. “Beaches?”
“If you wanna go, sure.”
“Do I get to say that I’m being kidnapped for Christmas?”
“If you really want to phrase it like that.”
“I’m in,” you agree and Calum smiles, wrapping his arms around you as you fall into him in a hug. “Thanks, Cal.”
“Of course,” he returns softly. He’d do anything for you, or just about anything if he’s honest. You matter to him and even if he does have to kidnap you for the holidays, he’s happy to do it if it means you won’t be miserable.
A couple hours go by and you head home, now having to start packing for the holiday trip with Calum. As you sit on the floor in front of your suitcase, you pick up your phone. You aim to go the weather app and see what it’s like in Sydney right now. But the text notification from your mom still lingers on the messages app. You tap on it and reply. No, Mom, sorry. Going to visit Australia for Christmas.
Who’s in Australia?
Calum’s family is there.
Who’s Calum? Is that the boy you talk about in the band?
“Fuck,” you mutter, realizing there were two ways this could go. You hadn’t ever really talked about your friends with your mother. Your dad knew and he filled her in a little bit, but even still you didn’t tell him a lot before he died. Mostly because you were afraid. What would happen if you told him everything and you needed help and he died? He’d be the only one to know and then he’d be gone. You’d have no one. So you told him half of everything. You told him about the band and some of your friends and you told him that you were doing okay. But you didn’t tell him that you were finally starting to figure what what you were meant to be doing on this earth. You didn’t tell him that you were dating around. Your dad only knew half the truth and now you realized all he could tell was half your truth to your mother. He could only convey what he knew and your mother didn’t always listen too well. She always got into her head what she wanted to hear and that’s the version she went with.
You can almost imagine your mother now, sitting on her couch tapping at the screen of her phone with one finger and looking up to the kitchen where your dad would usually be--and here, she would call out to your dad to ask Do you know about this Calum fella? They ever talk to you about ‘im? And your dad would reply in some sorts clipped and in half truths, Yeah, they’re friends or something. He’s got a good head on his shoulders from what I could tell. Because that what your dad would always say about any of your friends, that they always had a good head on their shoulders because he trusted you.
Your dad told you once that he said they always had a good head on their shoulders because you had a good head on yours and you’d never be friends with anyone that didn’t match morals like yours. He knew you’d never get mixed up in something that you couldn’t see yourself out of because he had raised you, because he had to trust you now; his fears couldn’t stand in the way of you living your life.
If you could tell your dad the whole truth, you would. You would tell him the first year after his diagnosis you lost yourself. You’d tell him that Calum had found you more than once on the edge of something dark and secured you to his chest for nights on end. He’d take you the studio with you just so you wouldn’t be alone. You’d tell your dad about the times you cooked all his favorites just so your house smelt of him. You’d tell him that even though you and your mother fought and you felt like you were always at arm’s length with some family, you always loved him. You’d tell him everything in full detail so that when he died, he would die knowing fully.
Yeah, you start typing to reply to your mother’s question, he’s the guy in the band.
Enjoy. But you should see family during this season too. Remember the ones that have been with you through thick and thin.
You don’t respond to the text. More than half of your mom’s side didn’t show up to the funeral. They never liked your dad all too much and you were slowly uncovering why. But no matter the reasons, it hurt. It hurt to walk with your mother down the aisle of that church to the funeral procession and seeing a halfway empty church because her side hadn’t supported the marriage. Your father was dead and the least they could do was show up to a fucking funeral. There’s no thick or thin in that, just them.
Another text buzzes through your phone. It’s from your aunt, on your dad’s side. We’re loving the pj’s! Nana’s rocking the new slippers and everything. Take care and rest. Wanna come by for New Years? We may be old but we can still keep up!
You laugh at the photo of your grandmother, sleeping as she sits on the couch, bundling up in the robe you also ordered for her. The new slippers are almost falling off her feet. That’s keeping up if I’ve ever seen it, you return. I might come by a little after New Years but I’ll bring the wine--you just bring the chips and dip. Going out of town for a little bit.
No worries! We’ll see you then. Chips and dip are stocked. Don’t you worry. Enjoy!
There’s a twinge--you almost want to stay just for them. But nothing feels the same anymore if you’re honest. When you hang out with your dad’s side of the family, there’s a hole. His seat is way too empty, even if you sit in. There’s no one to joke around. Your grandmother has no one to pass on her list of chores too besides finding people in town to help her with. And it’s not the same. They don’t laugh when she hands it over. They don’t joke that they only had a son just so he could do all the house repairs, or lawnmower repairs.
It has to be hard for them too. It’s all around just not a great time. But then in your peripherals you see your halfway packed suitcase, the swimsuits you’ve rolled up and tucked into one of the mesh pouches. Was this running? Or was this healing? Was going all the way to Australia just an escape? Maybe it was all three, but it was running into an escape but on the other side, there was some healing in it too. You continue packing, pulling out some loungewear and figuring how many pairs of jeans to include on this trip too.
You feel silly in your sneakers and leggings as more people filter into the terminal area from TSA in bulky coats. But Calum’s dressed roughly the same next to you, only in a t-shirt and sweatpants. Your phone shakes in your hands. Let me know when you land, your mother requests in the text.
Will do.
“Do your parents know I’m coming?” you asks, suddenly remembering that you will be in their place for three weeks.
“They know,” Calum returns, slouching down in the chair. “Trust me. Mum keeps asking me if you have any food allergies or dietary restrictions. And everytime I answer, she asks if I have checked in with you recently about it. And I have a feeling if you suddenly sprouted some new allergy, I would know by now.”
“That’s how moms are,” you laugh.
“Don’t be surprised if you find your favorite snacks just chilling in the kitchen.”
The thought of Joy going out of her way to find out via Calum about your favorite snacks and to only have them just in her cabinets or pantry makes you laugh but deeper than that you feel touched, chest warming just a little at the thought that she’d do something above and beyond. You slouch down to match Calum and rest your head onto his shoulder. “Is your childhood bedroom still embarrassing?”
A soft exhale of laughter pushes through Calum’s chest. “No, not too embarrassing anymore. Some of the posters are still up and mum’s changed the bedding for sure. A few of my things are tucked into the closet. But Mum’s said she’s been going through things in the house slowly so maybe she’s put more things on display just to set me up.”
You nod. “I imagine there are going to be lots of sports posters.”
“Ding, ding, ding,” Calum chimes, resting his cheek on your head. “I was supposed to be the sports kid. I mean, I was the sports kid for a really long time.”
“Then you found out you had those pipes,” you laugh, tapping on his chest.
“Yeah, then I realized music was a thing. Mali used to blast R&B and I mean blast it. But she’s always had great taste in music so it was never like the songs were bad. They were just loud. Sometimes I’d stay with Michael for as long as I could. Not that I didn’t want to be home, I just wanted to save my ears for a little bit before Mali and Dad would take over.”
“Your dad sings?”
“He’ll tell you only a little bit. But yeah, he sings.”
“So it’s a family trait!” you laugh. “A long line of singers.”
“Mum would disagree with you.”
You glance down and look at the initials inked into his skin. You brush your thumb over Joy’s. You had only heard about her. Once you saw her. Calum was calling home when you dropped by unplanned. It was quick, you waved at her from his computer but mostly you hang around in the kitchen, petting Duke as he wrapped up the call. From the way he talks about her, you know he’s close to his family. You know being away from home is hard sometimes for him. You’ve talked to Mali more, caught Calum a few times FaceTiming her too, or meeting her when she visited LA for his birthday. You know about his Dad too. Haven’t met him yet, but you’ve seen him when you watched the ARIA’s one year and he dad popped up in the crowd while the band performed. You screencapped the moment and send it as a reaction photo to Calum whenever he shares good news. You’re sure he must be sick of it, but he never says anything about your habit.
“There’s a little shop not too far from the house. I used spend hours to looking at all the trinkets. I think you’d like it,” he admits quietly.
“Yeah, I’d be down for that.”
“But first, there will be food,” he laughs just as the speakers overhead crackle to life and the voice faintly reminds everyone of the boarding procedure. You can Calum both stand, slinging backpacks onto your shoulders as you want for them to call group one to board. “Lots of food.”
“I’m ready,” you return.
Sleep on the plane isn’t all that restful, but you take it in stride though you manage to make progress in your book. Halfway through the flight, Calum holds out one of his earbuds to you. “You’ll like it,” he urges and you take the bud placing it into your ear.
Somewhere between the songs that Calum plays and the movie you’re not fully paying attention to, sleep claims you once again. And you let it hold you well past the light layer of sleep you had the first time. Sleep lays claim to you, holding you deeply into its grasps. You only find yourself waking up when the lights on the plane lift just a little and it breaks through your lashes and Calum shakes you awake. The two of you climb from your seats, backpacks on shoulders and wind through the airport to baggage. Thanks to the cat and dog luggage tags you bought, spotting your and Calum’s luggage is easy. Calum easy snatched the cartoon dog but you didn’t put up a fight. You let him have it, especially since it looked slightly reminiscent of Duke.
As you gather your luggage, you hear a voice from behind you. Calum turns to the sound of it immediately, his hand leaving the handle of his suitcase. You grab it for him and watch him, hearing his laughter escape him, as he runs up to his mother. “Mum,” he laughs, “hey!”
The hug looks bone crushing, only the hug a mom can give that even if it shouldn’t be tight is tight because there’s nothing like the squeeze. “Oh, my boy,” she grins. It lights up her whole face and you stand, just behind them, a couple feet off, both suitcases in front of you.
Joy spots you and the grin grows brighter. She releases Calum and shuffles up to you, arms still opened wide. “Hi! Look at you,” she greets. You immediately step out from the luggage. She’s warm and taller than you imagined as you hug her. She gives you a squeeze and your eyes water just a little. There’s something to the embrace that makes your chest tight and you find yourself clinging a little tighter to her too as she runs on about how late it is, and how hungry and tired you both must be. She keeps you close, an arm around your shoulders, hand splayed across your back. Joy pinches Calum’s cheek and wraps her other arm around his waist.
“C’mon, c’mon,” she urges. “David’s with the car. But I just couldn’t wait to see you both. Oh, it’s so good.”
Even as you exiting the plane it shocked you just how bright in the day it was still. But when you look down at your phone you realize you’re almost a whole day ahead, now standing in the middle of the afternoon, as if you somehow only flew a few hours instead of half the day. Calum’s dad is not parked too far from the entrance. As the three of you approach, he runs up some of the way with a large smile. “Aye!” he laughs, hands clapping Calum on the back. “Look at you!” “I swear I haven’t gotten any taller, Dad.”
“Coulda fooled me,” David returns. “Now,” he laughs, pointing to you. “I heard you got dragged along. Did ya put up a fight?”
“Less of a drag, more a kidnapping,” you return but step into the embrace with a laugh.
“Next time, next time, you’ll go a couple rounds with him, right?”
You nod. “Yeah, next time.” You don’t know if it’s going to be a next time but the idea sounds nice. Calum and David load up the suitcase into the trunk before all four of you slip into the car--you and Calum in the back.
“Hope they haven’t scared you off,” Calum whispers to you. You shake your head, mouth opening to say more but then David pipes up from the front seat. You almost don’t catch what he says, but Joy and Calum respond, so you stay quiet with a bit of a nod and watch the lights fade behind you as you travel down the streets. You make sure to text your mother that you arrived safely.
Calum’s room isn’t so bad, like he figured. Though you do almost wish there were a few more embarrassing posters on the wall. No sooner than the two of you can slip bags off and get out of shoes, a knock sounds from the door. It’s Joy, peeking her head inside. “Calum knows this, but you’re free to whatever’s in the house to munch on. I think there’s a few beer already cold too. But,” she waves her hand a little as if dismissing the thought. “either way, whatever’s there, you’re welcome to take.”
“Thank you, Ms. Hood.”
“Joy, call me Joy.”
“Thank you, Joy.” She nods and then slips back out of the room.
“They’ll be like that for another couple of days, but don’t mind them.” Calum shows you were the linen’s closet is and where the bathroom is too. “If you wanna shower first, I’ll whip up some snacks.”
“Oh, that’s some hard work putting together some snacks.”
He glares at you, throwing a towel at your head. You manage to duck it though it does land on your shoulder. You laugh as he flips you off and then heads to the kitchen. You head back to the room and grab a different set of clothes. It takes a moment to get the water right but you keep the shower as short as you can and slip into the clean clothes.
You return to the kitchen and find Calum with a plate of various chips, fruit snacks, and a small section of meat and cheeses out. He cracks open a beer just as you pad into the kitchen. “Want one?” he asks, but you decline the offer.
“It’s cozy,” you say softly looking around the living room and kitchen of the house. Even Calum’s room teleports you. You’re not sure where just yet, and even though it’s obviously a whole different continent there’s something about the house, about seeing Calum’s family so visibly happy to have him back home and the genuine smiles that feels like a warm blanket straight from the dryer. It envelopes you.
Calum shrugs a little. To him, it’s just familiar and a tad foreign. Like he can’t remember if the paintings are the same ones from his last visit but the pictures of him and Mali have never changed. The family vacation photos still line the walls too--unwavering it seems even against all of his mum’s decorating attempts. “Once Mali comes into town, it’ll feel complete,” he states. You wonder how any of this could feel incomplete, but don’t voice that curiosity.
Calum runs up to shower next and in the middle of your munching, Joy returns to the kitchen too. “I’m surprised you’re still standing upright.”
“Oh I could fall over at any point. Keep an eye out.”
Leaning into the counter she nods. “Time zones are killer. I’d say try to make it through as much of today as you can and then zoink out later on. Might be easier to adjust to the time that way.”
“I’m hoping,” you say.
“Calum told me you went to a conference last week. How’d that go?”
“It went well. Slight tech issues with my presentation but we managed to pull through unscatched after that.” You talk a little bit more about it, but are aware that you feel like you're rambling. When you ask her a few questions, she’s more than willing to answer them but she keeps them short and instead asks you more questions too.
“As the best friend, I feel like I need embarrassing material. Do you have photos of baby Calum?” you ask after a bit.
“Of course I do. He asked for some for a video once and I scanned over the most neutral ones. But if you want embarrassing photos, I got ‘em,” she laughs, wiping the salt off her fingers from a chip and waving for you to follow her.
Calum returns the sound of laughter and you cooing about something, he thinks you might’ve mentioned chubby cheeks and he knows without a doubt it’s him. “If you are going to embarass me I’d like to be in the room,” he states, seeing the photo album open on your lap. He steps to the arm of the couch you’re near and watches you flip through a few pages. You pause at a couple and pull your phone out to snap a few pictures of the picture. He doesn’t miss the several messages still lingering on your notification screen from your mother.
It’s over dinner that Joy suggest putting the tree up over the weekend, since Mali will be in town at that point too. No one objects to this plan and the latter half the week you and Calum spend mostly trying to adjust to the time change, though Calum seems to be having an easier go of it than you. Mali is licked up from the airport and you linger behind knowing that there’s not quite enough space for all three of you in the seat. It’s a little strange to be lingering around in Calum’s old room at his mum’s house but it’s not to bad. You take in all the sports posters, notice some medals and trophies still hanging around to otherwise bare shelves. Among them are some photos too--mostly of Calum and the guys. A few of some people you’ve never seen before and you assume they’re friends from soccer, or other sports along the way.
The sound of laughter echoes around you. Though you do hold onto one photo of Calum. He’s in a jersey, arms thrown over the shoulders of two other boys. They smile wide and big at the camera. The grassy fields hold blurry people and you like to imagine in that blur there are parents hugging kids, or kids running to their parents. There are coaches, people shouting in those blurs. The sounds of feet on stair should break you out of your trance staring down at the photo and you hear more laughter too. But you continue to stare down at younger Calum.
Calum tries to catch onto Mali’s wrist. “Do not! God,” he huffs when she slips through his hold. She laughs, backpack still on and barrels past her old room to Calum’s. You’re standing halfway turned to the door, but still clearly engrossed in something.
“Hey,” Mali huffs out, slipping just inside the cracked door. “Have you found the good blackmailing photos yet?”
You jump just a little but lift your gaze and find Calum’s sister beaming brightly at you. “Hi,” you return with a laugh. “I found a few. Your mum broke out the photo album.”
“Good,” she returns. “Sorry for kicking you out of the arrival party. It’s not normally five of us.”
“No, no, it’s cool. I couldn’t necessarily swing a vote on voting Calum out, so, I just took that blow.”
She gives a light tuft of laughter and hisses just a little. “Yeah that’d be a little hard to swing. But I’ll teach ya a few pointers for next time.”
“I’d appreciate that,” you return and Mali excuses herself to drop off her bag. Everyone seems hooked on the concept of a next time. It falls easily from their lips and while you’ve enjoyed the time here thus far, next time isn’t on your mind. Honestly, you’re not sure what’s on your mind besides not thinking about the text messages you need to respond too. Most of them seem to be about making sure you’ve adjusted to the time difference, if you’ve seen anything exciting. And you want to tell her--but you know you’d most likely tell her half truths too. Possibly even quarter ones. So you’ve opted to tell her nothing really. It seems trivial to explain to her that you’ve gone out a couple times--to the beach and the shop that Calum mentioned earlier. Most of the time though, you spend with Calum going down his memory lane. You rode past the school’s he attended, saw all the spots he used to hang out. Those don’t feel like the spots your mother is looking for.
When the Christmas tree is unearthed and Joy brings out the decorations you don’t think about those text messages again. You instead help feed the garland around the tree to Calum who’s standing at the back of the tree and he passes it along to his mon and she passes it to Mali and Mali passes it back to you. And that’s the way it goes for the lights too. Once those are put up, you look over the bulbs that Joy has. Behind you Calum and Mali are already working to put the hooks through the box Joy approved. You’re trying to help her find the last box in that set.
“Short end, Calum. Short end is what you hook through the top of the bulb.”
“Which end is short then?” you hear him return.
“That end,” she laughs. “I’ll put the hooks. You put them on the tree. Don’t put the same colors close together. Space them out.”
“I can decorate a tree,” Calum states.
“Sometimes I wonder.”
You find the last box of bulbs in the matching set, under a layer of icicle like ornaments. “Found ‘em,” you tell Joy and she beams, stopping her work on the box she was digging in.
“Ah! I’m not sure how they got separated.”
“Someone packed them wrong,” Mali returns, focused in on hooks still. “Most likely,” she counters. You step over to her and help prep more ornaments. A few look homemade with popsicle stick and felt. You pause looking at them on the table.
“Made ‘em in primary,” Calum answers, picking up the ornaments you’ve already hooked. “I thought Mum would give up on bringing them out.”
“But I never have and never will,” she counters picking them up and proudly displaying them on the front of the tree.
Calum makes a show to wave his hands. “That.”
“You made them and I cannot not display them,” Joy laughs and takes the bulb you’ve prepped.
“I think it should be the star,” you tease.
“Do not give Mum any ideas,” Calum groans. “She needs zero ideas.”
“My dad would put mine near the star. I used to hate it too,” you offer.
“Because he was proud of them! See, it’s a parent thing,” Joy laughs, taking another ornament.
You don’t respond, giving a shrug. Maybe it’s a parent thing. And maybe it’s just a love thing, you think. Maybe putting your atrocious ornaments near the top was a way your dad was saying you were always near the top, he was always thinking of you first. When you blink the silver hooks blur for a moment and it hits you that you might be crying. So you blink again and the tears don’t completely clear.
Arms are around your shoulder and you think it’s Calum but as you turn into the embrace, you notice it’s Joy. “Hey, it’s okay,” she offers. She’s quick to scoot you over to the other end of the living room and hands you a tissue. “Do you want to keep on decorating? You can take a breather.”
“No, no, I’m okay.”
“As long as you’re sure.” Her hand runs a soothing line up and down your back. You can only nod. It takes another moment and a deep inhale before you find a resolve. Joy takes your spot hooking the ornaments and you hang one up on the branch. You’re not even sure if Calum and Mali noticed your quick time out, but they don’t seem to be visibly concerned. You finish the tree half an hour later--many ornaments had to rearranged after realizing the back hadn’t gotten nearly enough love. You snap a photo and you don’t think too much about sending it to your aunt and your grandmother, but you hover over your mom’s contact.
Would she think you’re betraying? Would she find some way to say that you could’ve been home decorating the tree too and that she could’ve used the help since Dad wasn’t around anymore? You don’t hit send. Instead you lock your phone, place it face down and ask Joy if she needs or wants any help cooking dinner. She waves you in happily, explaining the dish she’s preparing to you as you wash your hands. This is easy. This feels complete, listening to the sounds of the TV in the background. Knocks at the door don’t make your heart startle and you almost know, without looking, that it’s David. And he no doubts has an armful of things--food, drinks, and god knows what else.
“Do-do you mind me asking about your mom?” Joy brings up as you tend over your hot pan.
“I,” and all words have fallen from your brain. “I don’t know,” you answer. It sounds so stupid but it’s the truth. The whole truth. “I don’t know how I feel. I-I wouldn’t be upset, but there may or may not be a reason I’m hiding on the other side of the world.”
It’s a small laugh, but a laugh nonetheless that Joy gives. “You know, fair. It’s okay if you don’t know. Instead, we’ll knead dough,” she offers, “or whatever else we need to do.”
“I’ll take kneading dough.”
There’s a nod and a smile, an understanding that kneading dough is the best alternative. The sleeves to your hoodie start to slip down again and just before you can clear your hands from the flour to pull it up, two hands come from the side. Calum, you deduce. “Thanks.”
“No problem. Did Mum put you to work or did you volunteer?”
“Volunteered,” you answer and go back to kneading the dough. The fridge door opens and then closes a few seconds later.
“You’re a guest. You don’t have to you know?”
“I know. Just need to do something.”
“Besides not answering your mom’s texts.”
“Besides not answering my mom’s texts,” you agree. Calum reaches across the counter and grabs your phone. You gave him the passcode ages ago and shockingly he remembered it. “Gonna delete the embarrassing photos?” you tease. You already emailed yourself copies just in case you tried too.
“Nah, no need. You’d just find a way to get them again.” You watch him for just a moment open up the app and the picture of the tree is still loaded in. “Why didn’t you send this?”
“Because I didn’t want her bitchin’ to me about how I could’ve been doing that with my real family. I would rather decorate a tree with you and your family anyway. Just as real as anything else,” you huff out, pushing in a little harder into the dough.
Calum pauses for a moment, glancing over to you. He’s not even sure his ears actually heard what you are saying. “What?” he asks in an exhale.
“I’d rather spend legit any holiday with you.”
He stops you, a hand on your wrist. “Did-did you just admit that you’d spend any holiday with me and my family?”
“Do you want bread or not?” you ask and he releases your wrist. “But yes, I did admit it.” You look up from the dough, knowing you’ve worked well enough for you to be done. The Christmas tree twinkles from the corner and it’s nice to see a family together--there’s no arguments, no need to feel like you’re at arm’s length. The TV plays and it’s idealistic. It’s what you want, not the screaming that occurs on most holidays, no one too drunk off their ass, no one being kicked out.
“I like it here,” you admit softly. Christmas is about five days out and you still need to wrap Calum’s present. It’s currently hiding in your suitcase and you want to get something nice for his parents for hosting you, and you’re not entirely sure what to get Mali but you want to do something nice for her too. Calum doesn’t miss the way you stare, the longing in your gaze as you’re still knuckle deep in dough. “I could send the photos to Dad. He’d probably just send a thumbs up. But, still it would’ve been better.”
“Then send it to him.”
“Mom disconnected the line. I have no clue who has the number now.”
“Send it anyway. Whoever it is, probably wouldn’t mind.”
You shake your head and look down at the dough. It’s done and you place it back into the bowl. The idea is asinine to you. No stranger would be okay with getting a random text about a Christmas tree you decorated and whatever sob story you’d type out. Best not to bother a stranger. Even as Calum tries to urge you one last time, you don’t give in. You move about the kitchen as if you’ve always worked in and wash your hands. It doesn’t take you long before you settle onto the couch next to Mali.
I know this might be strange, Calum starts drafting. But my best friend lost their dad about two years ago and this is his old number (this is their number and they still has the number saved). I took them to see my family for Christmas since they and their mom and that side are in a rough spot. I say that like it hasn’t been years of a rough spot but they helped us decorate the tree. I don’t know who’s going to see this, if it’ll go through or not, but I’m hoping for a miracle, I guess, for kindness in the universe and kindness in a stranger. They just needs something good, so we hope you enjoy our Christmas tree. They told my mum about how their dad would put the homemade ornaments near the star. Needless to say my mum agreed with the idea.  If you see this, and get the picture, I hope you have safe and happy holidays.
Calum doesn’t even think twice about hitting send on the message. He finishes pouring himself a glass of water and pour another one for you too. By the time he grabs a snack too your phone buzzes again. There’s a response from the number that once belonged to your dad.
Tree looks awesome, kid, reads the first message. And then another one follows it. Homemade decorations near the top are the only way to go. Hope your friend gets through the holidays safely, but with people like you in their life, we think they will. Happy Holidays and enjoy our tree too. A picture comes attached with it.
Calum leaves the response up. It works out perfectly that the first response sits directly under the picture Calum sent. The first part of the second text is still visible but he doesn’t worry about that. He taps on your shoulder. “The world’s not so bad after all,” he states.
It takes you a moment to realize who the message is under. And you know it’s not actually your dad. You know that line went cold months ago.Your dad didn’t call you kid too much else he was trying to annoy you.  But it’s something about seeing a message from that number that makes your chest ache. For a split moment in time, he’s real again. A sob racks through your chest and you're quick to cover your mouth, aware that other people are around. “I should’ve told him so much more,” you gasp and another sob breaks the sentence up just a little at the end. But all you can do is stare at the response with blurry vision.
Calum wraps you into his arms, pulling you into his chest. “Hey, you can still tell him. Maybe not by texting this number but you can still tell him,” he whispers. And though you tremble against him, he manages to get you to the shelter of the stairs. You settle oddly on top of him, your legs draping over his and your cowered into his chest mostly. But you don’t object to the arrangement.
Joy places a box of tissues down next to you both and settles on the step just below Calum. Her hand is warm on your knee. “I thought you were kneading dough.”
You chuckle just a little but tremors still rock you. “Dough didn’t have a lot of resistance.”
She nods, tsking just a little. “Ah, next time I’ll have you knead two loaves.” Once she’s sure you’ve cried it all out, she leaves you be, though most of her comfort was soft reassurance and knee pats. But it’s just what you need.
Calum guides you upstairs and unearths his journal from his bag. Or at least a journal you think you’ve seen him writing in before. “I was going to give this to you on Christmas. But it sounds like you could use it now. Whatever you wanted to tell your dad, write it down. Pretend like your writing letters to him. I know know it might sound silly, but it helps me.”
The journal is leather, embossed on the front are your initials. It almost looks too expensive to even write in it, but when Calum hands you a pen you think you might explode again if you don’t get it off your chest. So you settle onto the edge of his bed, which is barely just enough space for two of you to sleep on during the night and tell your dad all the full truths. Everything you felt like he couldn’t take the grave, you spill onto the page.
Dad, It’s Christmas. Or it’s nearly Christmas. I’m in Australia with Calum and I’ve already had one emotional breakdown. So we need to reset the count on that one. It’s hard without you. Joy put Calum and Mali’s old homemade decorations near the star of the tree and all I wanted was to be six again and be up on your shoulders and have you force me to put my decorations up high on the tree for everyone to see. I used to hate it. When you did that. But now I miss it.
I miss a lot of things, I guess now. I miss being honest with you. I wasn’t very honest while you were dying. I was afraid that I told everything I’d be weak. That if I told you everything you’d take all the words with you when you died and I wouldn’t be able to tell anyone else since it would’ve been one of the last things I told you. It all sounds silly now to write it down, but that’s what I thought.
Here’s the other half I never told you.
Calum lingers, sitting on the floor and finding one of his old guitars sitting on the floor tucked into a corner. He slides over, and places it into his lap before strumming mindlessly over it. The scratch of the pen is hardly audible as he strums but he can envision what it sounds like, see how fast you’re scribbling words down onto the page.
Later in the week, as you have Mali and Calum helping you find a gift to give their parents, you stop at one of the small shops in the mall. Mali’s wandered off to the far corner but Calum’s close next to you, glancing around the walls for something that looks remotely interesting and appropriate. The housewares all look too dated and Calum’s not even sure what his parents do and don’t have to even suggest something like this. But Mali thought it might be a good place to stop so the three of you stopped to look.
“Thanks,” you say to Calum, running a finger over a serving spoon. “For the journal. It helped a lot.”
“You’re welcome,” he beams at you. His attention is still filtering around the store. “I have no clue what to even suggest in a place like this for my parents. They’re not super into stuff like this.”
“You sure a Kiss The Cook apron wouldn’t do the trick?” you joke holding up the red and white apron.
“Hmm, afraid not,” he laughs. The two of you still wonder about the store and you find a couple cookbooks that seem interesting. One’s for cocktails and Calum says it’s a definite--his dad would enjoy flipping through it. Neither he or Mali had gotten one for him before, so it won’t be a duplicate.
“Your mom has a lot of photos you guys. You think she’d be into something like this?” you ask, pointing out to a few picture frames. They’re all collages, just arranged differently. Calum seems to be vaguely interested though Mali worries about the fact that she tends to keep them in a particular way.
“Could make one with the photos you’ve taken over this trip, she loves stuff like that and I’m sure she wishes she could get more photos of us now since we’re gone. We spend a day taking some photos in front of our old stomping grounds and I know she’d love it,” Calum offers looking over to Mali.
She shrugs. “That could work. Sure we can’t say it was from all of us?” she jokes.
“I wouldn’t mind, especially since you two would be doing some leg work in it,” you state.
“If we’re going to do it,” Mali counters. “Let’s go with this one.” She points to a wooden slab with rows of twine wrapped around and clasps that are wooden too where stock photos are currently pinned but it’s clear that you can add your own photos.
“This really blows my flowers out of the water,” Calum mutters, holding onto the paid for box of the wooden frame.
“You also got her the embroidered pillow,” you counter. The pillow has the coordinates of Sydney, LA, and London on it--for each of the cities they’re in respectively.
“True,” he nods. “But still,”
“If you don’t want--” you start but he cuts you off.
“Hey, no, I want to do this. Shush,” he laughs. “We gotta make another stop though. I’ve seen ads for those portable printers and can print photos and I don’t see either one of you with those old school polaroid cameras.”
“I’ll have you know,” Mali teases. But she interrupts her own joke as a ponderous hum falls from her. She rattles off a couple stores that could have it.
“Let’s give it a shot,” Calum returns. The first store is a bust but the second one has it. They grab one of the last ones off the shelf and scurry to the lines. They’re long and it’s no avoiding it two days from Christmas. The rest of the day, Mali navigates, pulling over into random parking lots and telling stories about their childhood.
You snap as many photos as you can. Some are more planned than others but it’s okay. You play with angles, flipping your phone upside to get some cool shots and you’re honestly impressed with the quality of just a cellphone camera. By the time it starts to get dusk, you’re half convinced your phone will alert you that you’re almost out of space. It’s not too hard to sneak the bags up to the bedrooms. You take up distracting Joy just a little as Calum and Mali book it up the steps.
“Oh, this reminds me,” Joy says standing right as Mali clears the first step. “If you need any sort of wrapping supplies they’re in here,” she directs you down the hall and you watch Calum and Mali clear into one of the bedrooms, you think it’s Mali’s before diverting your attention back to the wrapping paper.
“Thanks,” you nod at her. “I’ll be down in a few if you want help with dinner?”
“An extra pair of hands never hurt,” she counters with a grin and it’s become a tradition, or a thing at the very least that you help her with dinner and she’s given up on trying to shoo you out of the kitchen.
You take the stairs slowly, but you can feel the buzzing in your pocket. No doubt Calum bugging you relentlessly that you’re needed upstairs. You find them in Mali’s room situated on the floor as she removes the pictures from the frame and Calum seems to messing with the printer.  “Thank you for joining us,” he teases. Music starts up and the door closes.
You settle on the floor next to him. “My job was to distract so that’s what I did. What do I need to do?”
“Pairs with BlueTooth, so I just gotta get this thing on.”
“Let me know when it’s up,” you return and then pull up the photos you took on your phone. Mali helps pick out which photos have to go onto the frame. It’s only a minute or two later that Calum tells you to make sure your phone has the BlueTooth turned on.
“You cannot use that,” he laughs, as the first photo prints out. “I look so dumb in that take.”
Mali laughs. “Oh, c’mon it’s a pretty shot.”
“Yeah of you,” he returns.
You swipe to the next photo and there are no photo blunders for either one of them so you print that one down. Some are in front of buildings that you’re not even sure could mean anything. A couple are of Calum’s old practice field for soccer--the same one from the photo you were looking at when Mali first arrived. There are a few of Mali in front of the place she sang to a large audience for the first time. There’s a picture of the Christmas tree as well--Mali and Calum are in the photo adding decorations to it. There’s one of you, in the middle of Calum and Mali, arms wrapped around each other. You’re laughing because even standing you nearly stumble just trying to shift your weight a little, but the picture is perfect as the sun just starts to step a little behind you.
With the last photo printed, you look over the arrangement and give your approval. “Did you remember to grab our wrapping paper?”
“Shit,” Calum sighs. “I’ll run to the car and grab it.” You nod and head back downstairs just in time to help Joy.
It’s late before another opening arrives for you three to place the gift under the tree and during this time you also add Calum’s and Mali’s gift to the bunch. You managed to snag some cool t’s with Calum’s help for her. She eyed them in your shopping adventure and carted them around the store before ultimately deciding to put them back. Calum stayed behind to grab them off the rack while you went with her to the next store.
Over mugs of hot chocolate--though the Australian heat doesn’t warrant it-- you, Mali and Calum sit on the floor in front of the tree. “It’s been nice to outnumber him,” Mali laughs.
“I’m already outnumbered with you and Mum,” he retorts.
“Yeah, but it’s Mum. She counts but like not really. Now you’re outnumbered by someone in our age range.”
Calum shakes his head. “If you say so. I’m glad Mum and Dad weren’t too weird about it.”
You know he hasn’t brought anyone home in a long time. And part of it is probably just time, but another part is deliberate but you don’t know why. “I’m sure they were starting to think I wasn’t real,” you joke.
“Haha,” Calum gently shoves your legs. “You’re a fucking comedian.” You snicker and take another sip from your mug. The night almost doesn’t feel like it’s slipping away as Mali and Calum take turns on the guitar. You climbed up onto the sofa at some point during the night, asbentedmindly playing in Calum’s hair. But somewhere in it the strumming, sleeps pulls you under, you felt your eyes blinking close but weren’t able to recall when the final blink took you full under.
You find yourself startled awake to the sounds coming from the kitchen. Mali’s asleep on the couch, facing the opposite away of you. Calum’s reclined against the sofa between the both of you but still sitting on the floor. There’s a faint light coming from behind you and you squint against it to see the kitchen light’s on. You settle back against the arm of the couch and let yourself fall into sleep a second time.
When you wake the second time, it’s to gentle shakes and you’re not even sure you had fallen asleep again. Until you find yourself stretching again and blinking back the light of the living room. Calum’s slumped to the floor. “No, five more minutes.”
Joy chuckles. “It’s your presents you’ve gotten open.”
“Hmm, maybe I’m awake enough for presents.” Presents are slow to be handed out, mostly to the three of you still trying to wake up. But Mali gets the first tear into the wrapping paper and beams over at you spying the two shirts.
Joy loves the pillow from Calum and the jacket from Mali. Calum gets a few things, most of them necessities but the socks are cool enough to put on immediately. Mali’s content with the clothes she’s received and the necklace. Calum thought about wrapping your journal as a joke but he hands you a tiny stocking stuffed with some candies, a cool pen, and some knicks knacks he found during some of the shopping adventures. David’s tickled as he flips through the cocktail recipes.
“What is this?” Joy laughs pulling on the wooden and twine picture frame ad she’s handed it.
“For you,” you answer. “A collective effort between the three of us.”
“But originally their idea,” Calum tacks on.
Joy looks at the three of you, unsure of what trick might be pulled. She unveils the first corner and pauses. “Seriously, what is this?”
“Just keep going Mum,” Mali counters.
Joy continues tearing at the wrapping paper and she gasps for a moment noticing the photos hanging from the pins. “No way,” she laughs, lifting it up to take a closer look at the photos. “No way,” she whispers.
“The pictures can be switched out, so you can frame some, or just rotate it based on the season,” you explain.
The tears collecting in Joy’s eyes don’t get past you but they do hurt just a little. In a good way. You hadn’t seen a teary eyed smile like Joy’s in such a long time you almost forgot how good it felt, but how much it hurt too.
“You did all this for me?” she asks.
“I had help,” you return. “But I wanted to do something or give you something nice for hosting me the past two weeks and agreeing to take on an extra mouth to feed. It’s a thank you.”
She gives you another one of those hugs that squeeze more than they should, more than thought possibly. You squeeze in return and though you feel a couple tears slip down your cheek, you aren’t so afraid of the emotion. It’s something like loved, maybe it’s understood. Quite possibly it’s just the feeling of being embraced without judgement or restriction. You’re not really sure, but you do know you like it.
“Thank you,” Joy whispers while still hugging you. She makes space for the frame almost immediately though it takes a little rearranging of the living room but she finds the space. You’re sucking on a piece of candy, looking down at your phone. You know your mother is still living in Christmas Eve and the only message she’s gotten from you are about you being safe and okay.
I would send this as an actual letter, but I worry from Australia to home would take too much time. So I guess this works as next best. I can only hope you understand.
The easy things: Australia’s been fun. Haven’t run into a spider as big as my head just yet but there’s still plenty of time. Calum’s family has been amazing. I helped with Christmas decorations. Joy and I are cooking buddies. If I never had to leave, I probably wouldn’t.
And on and on you go about the tails of this particular vacation before getting to the hard stuff, how it’s hard sometimes to be home because home feels empty and too far away and how it’s hard sometimes to feel like you fit in the puzzle of it all. You tell her how hurt you are seeing how her side paid the death of your father dust. How nothing’s felt right once and you don’t know what caused it. You don’t know how it started but all you do know is that when dad was around, when you and him had those quiet moments it was closest to right you had every experience until now--sitting in your friend’s childhood home in a whole different country, more than half the day ahead of your own family and watching someone else’s world that you know you’re not really apart of but somehow you fit even as a stranger.
There’s that nagging voice in the back of your head that tells you this could all go to shit. Your mother could read all this and blow her top. But at least she would blow her top knowing the truth and the whole truth at that--that you love your family for being your family but recognizing the detriment happening.
I need you to know Mom. Because Dad didn’t. Or maybe he did, but I know I wasn’t the one that told him. So I am telling you. You don’t have to like it. You don’t have to like any of this and I’m not asking you or telling you you have to. But you have to know the truth and I have to tell you.
Before I go, there’s a present for you. Hidden in the top box of Dad’s stuff in your closet. It’s only tiny pieces of me and him, of us, but I hope you enjoy it. I hope it provides comfort.
While you’re not the most crafty, you know your way around a sewing machine. You didn't keep nearly as many t-shirts from family vacations as you would’ve liked to, hanks to a couple moves. But you kept enough and you snagged a few of your dad’s t-shirts and some of his old flannels too. All together it made a decent sized blanket--it could’ve been larger but there were a few failed starts before you got the true hang of it.
You’re not sure the whole message will send correctly and you think maybe it should’ve been an email, but that feels even less personal. So you watch the message lift up, hover for just a moment before it settles down and just beneath it, Delivered, pops up. Immediately, you place your phone face down. A watched pot never boiled and a watched text is never actually read.
“Calum!” Mali laughs. Just behind you they go barreling past, through the living room and he tries to make an escape up the steps but she manages to lunge fast enough to take hold of the back of his t-shirt. “Drop the cookies and no one has to get hurt.”
“Never!” he cries in return. His attempts are half hearted and you can only giggle watching them. That in turn earns you target as a potential accomplice and he calls out to you to get you to take the cookies and make an escape.
You walk over, take the packet of cookies. They’re decorated for Christmas and you decide take one off the top is fair pay for whatever mess you’re stepping into. After your take the first bite of your cookie, you hand the packet over to Mali who happily release Calum to snag a couple. “Traitor,” Calum returns, but takes another cookie too.
“I got my pay,” you laugh, polishing off the one cookie in your hand.
David enters then, taking another cookie too. “I got mine too,” he laughs before disappearing again back down the hallway. There are a few things around the house he needed to repair and Calum had been helping him though you suspect more than helping, Calum was sneaking cookies and trying to hide them from Mali. You offered to help too, but David insisted that you actually take a rest at least once during this time away.
You manage to catch the buzz over all the laughter. You don’t think your mother could’ve responded that fast. It’s not possible. But you slip away from the group and grab your phone from the couch cushions. Your heart hammers against your ribs, you can feel the vein in your neck throbbing.
Thank you for the blanket. It’s quite lovely. Glad you’re enjoying Australia. I don’t know if I can say sorry and have it mean much. But in turn, thank you for telling me the truth. Somehow you expected this to be much more emotional, much more earth shattering. But tides don’t change in the blink of an eye and cities don’t build themselves in a day.
“We should have a board game night,” Mali suggests from behind you. “Dunno know. Not much will be open up for long.”
“I’ll kick your ass in Scrabble,” Calum returns, “Anytime.”
And just behind is all you’ve ever really wanted. But just in front of you is all you’ve ever had, your mother and the distance. Maybe it’s not a matter of what you deserve or what is actually yours by blood. Maybe it’s just time to admit that family is also chosen. And you did all you could with your mother. You told her the truth.
A tear splashes onto your screen and you wipe at your eyes quickly. When had those formed? They didn’t even sting that time or maybe they did and you just hadn’t felt it. You’re not sure. Her message doesn’t warrant a response. Though you do imagine for a moment, her curled up on the couch, your blanket across her lap as she snacks on pistachios and the fireplace blazes next to her. The TV is playing Polar Express, her favorite Christmas film. And if the scene is sad, your mother is sad. And if the scene is happy, your mother is happy. And you like it better that she is tethered to the film’s emotions rather than anything going on outside of it.
“You down for a board game night? If not, we can find something else.” Calum’s voice is close and you can feel just how close is he off to the side of you.
“I’m down for a board game night,” you nod. Your voice quivers just a little. Crying is exhausting and you’d wish you had nothing left, but there is always the dregs left. Just enough to make your cheeks wet.
“You good? What’s up?”
“Told my mom,” you answer truthfully.
He figures it didn’t go super well given your silence.  “We can watch movies in my room then.”
“She didn’t threaten to blow up the country so I think we’re good,” you continue on. “But she loves her Christmas present. So I’ll take it as a win.”
“It’s the small victories.”
You nod, looking at the photos hanging right next to the Christmas tree. “Like kicking your ass in Scrabble,” you laugh. “I’m on Mali’s team.”
“Fighting words, those are fighting words. I brought you out here and you already turned over my cookie stash. Now you’re going against me in Scrabble! Really?”
“I’ve chosen you over and over,” you admit quietly. You’ve chosen him as a friend, and confidante and you appreciate him for being there. But you don’t say all that, instead you counter with, “But I think sometimes I should kick your ass in a game of Scrabble or too.”
“You’re lucky I love you,” he returns with a laugh.
“I am,” you state simply. “I am lucky.”
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Welcome To The Pack: Sinking Fangs
Summary- 10.2k Alpha Steve x You. Things have settled back on Pack Lands. Over a month has passed since you and Steve returned from Wakanda and now there is just one last thing to deal with to put the ordeal of your time with the Pierce Pack to rest, deal with Council Member Ross. Brock now has a new asset on hand and gives a preview of how efficient he is. Dividers made by @firefly-graphics​
Warnings- Violence, Killing, Sex. 
A/N- Wow, thank you all so much for reading this. Really it has been a passion project of mine, and Im so happy I could bring my wolves into the MCU verse. We are at the end of this story with Alpha Steve and the Little One. I hope it delivered all that you had hoped it would and enjoyed it as much as I have. Reading your comments and asks have meant more to me then you could possibly know. Happy Howling 🐺
 Chapter 9 (part 2) / Masterlist 
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The chill tickled his senses and that was what woke Steve up that morning, his hand sweeping over the bed to find you not there, but your warmth was still clinging to the bed sheets. You haven’t been up for long. Rolling to his stomach, he moved to resettle, listening for where you might be in the cabin. But all was silent, all he could pick up was the drip-drip of the coffee maker in the kitchen, so you had been there just before, there was no rustle on the couch no sounds of your feet springing off the cabin's wood floor though. But the heavy autumn air did draw his attention to the wide-open door to the deck. Rolling up to rub at his face to waken further, Steve leaned down and grabbed sleep pants nearby to tug them on. He advanced on the deck and took a look around. 
The deck was frost-covered, as well as the towering pines housing the migrating songbirds sheltering overnight and that one grey squirrel that seemed to claim the back deck as his since you started feeding them. Steve’s eyes scanned for you, and the Wolf immediately picked up your warm scent, eyes dropping to see where the soles of your feet and toes had melted a trail across the frost covered deck. Following it, he went down the stairs to the lower deck that stretched out over the lake, and there you were, at the very end with an afghan wrapped around your shoulder, legs peeking out from underneath it. Steve could see where you were arched onto your toes to keep the rest of your feet from touching the frost covered wood. Getting a quicker spring to his step, Steve approached you from behind. 
“Y/N, what are you doing out here so early? You must be freezing.” His Wolf growled in agreement when you looked over your shoulder. Even as cold as you looked, your eyes were bright with excitement. “I heard geese overhead, and I wanted to see them flying south.” Once he reached you, his arms went around your waist and drew you back so that you would lean into him, your feet moving to step on top of his to protect them from the frostbitten boards and the fog coming off the lake so early in the morning. His head tilted up to look in the clear blue sky above, something about the cold made it look sharper. Sometimes he forgot that son of a bitch Pierce kept you locked up so long in his compound, like an animal in a zoo. 
You missed out on the way their world would shift between warm sunshine filled lazy days to everything preparing for a long sleep. The woods were now constantly rustling with animals seeking food to store away, leaves windblown loose to swirl in patterns before falling to the forest floor to provide shelter for the tree roots. Overhead the sky would be swarmed with birds, quick off the wing as they left for winter bound destinations. Ice would soon form on the lake edges, sending the lake dwellers down into the depths to wait out the winter. And right now, your head tipped back to watch the obnoxious geese as the massive birds flew in their arrow path, carrying them out of sight. 
“Winter will soon be here,” Steve said with a smile, for it was his favorite time of year. As wonderful as all the others were, the snow brought a serene calmness to The Pack. Letting the Wolves loose for days to run across the snow. It was a time his Beast was most at home in the world. The biting winds and harsh cold he was made for. While the forest snapped from the intense ice and cold, he tracked through it, laying claim to all that was his and reminding nearby packs that a strong Alpha and his wolves claimed this territory. Then for his human side, he had a warm cabin, and now his Little One filling his home and his bed. Steve finally felt that maybe things were falling into place. 
You turned to face him, wrinkling your nose at him. “You know who else will be here soon ? Ross.” You reminded him with a worried look and Steve gave a soft growl at the man’s name, a pain in his ass if there ever was one. He had put him coming off for well over the past couple months since you two had returned from Wakanda. But Tony finally pushed him for this meeting, to go over what had actually happened to Pierce’s pack, and You. Pack on pack violence wasn’t tolerated among the council, supposedly. So Steve needed to explain his reasons for attacking. It was all bullshit, considering what you went through alone. 
“Don’t remind me Little One.” Steve gave a huff, warm breath washing over your face as his head dropped, burying his face in your neck, inhaling deeply. “The sooner he leaves the better. Come on, now my feet are cold.” He chuckled and drew you away, and back up the stairs towards the house once more. 
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The morning was a bit more tense than usual. Steve was quiet, you felt like his concentration was discussing matters with his Wolf, knowing he would have to keep himself under control with the Alphas coming into his territory. Initially, he was going to refuse this meeting, but Tony convinced him that it would be a show of good faith to the council if he allowed them access and actually explained what happened. The ex Pierce pack now belonged to Caine, who told the members the council sent what happened already. But Ross couldn’t let it go. Wanting to still hear from Steve. Finally, the Alpha relented, unsure if it was entirely the right thing, but it was done with. He wasn’t one to back down from his word. 
“You still going up to the yard?” You asked cautiously, knowing Steve was a bit all over the place, and his head lifted at your voice, checking his watch. 
“Yea, guess I better get up there if I want to get at least one truck off to the mill.” He drained his mug and set it in the sink, grabbing his jacket as he drew up to you. “Shoot me a text if anything happens while I’m up the mountain.” His fingers grasped your chin and placed a kiss on your lips, you nodded with an encouraging smile. 
“Of course Steve.” You nudged at him and tilted for one more coffee stained kiss from him, and when he left, you listened to his heavy footfalls take him down the porch and then moments later one of the pickups at the garage start-up. Once he was gone, you moved to settle on the couch, pulling your phone out to call Natasha. This had become the morning routine, once Steve headed out, you checked in with the Red Wolf. 
After a few moments, Natasha picked up, you could see here setting her phone up on a nightstand before going back to packing up a duffel bag. 
“Hey, you coming home for a bit?” you asked hopefully. She had been gone since she left you and Steve in Wakanda, and only heard from her now and then till you started to actively video chat her once a day. If she would pick up the phone that was. Some days when she answered it would be from a car while driving, a motel room, middle of the street. And the days she didn't, you weren't sure if you wanted to know where she was holed up in her search for the missing pack members.
“No, not yet, I picked up another lead last night, and about to go check it out.” 
“Natasha, Steve wouldn't be upset if you came home. It's been weeks and every trail you come across leads to a dead end.” You say into your phone while propping it on the coffee table. 
“No, I'm sure of it this time. He really fits Bucky’s description. Tall, dark hair, slight limp to his walk. Sounded like he passed through town.” Natasha sounded hopeful. So many times Natasha was sure she finally found Bucky, and it always led to a dead end.
“Was there anyone else with him?” You questioned, and her face got a bit crestfallen, shaking it slowly. 
“No, nothing about the others. Has Laura said anything about Clint contacting her?” 
Another shake of the head no. “Nothing, no one has seemed to hear anything. Steve’s even been reaching out to other packs. Someone named Fury is coming soon, he works for the Council, and is going to try to help figure out where they went.” 
Natasha’s green eyes widened a bit. “Fury? Well damn, Uh, how did Steve feel about that?” your eyes narrowed at your packmate, yes you were still fairly new, and was reminded of that in moments like these. 
“From what I understand, Steve called him himself. Why? What do I not know?” You questioned, and Natasha shrugged. 
“You know Steve, he's not on board with the whole Wolf Packs need to be “policed” like the council wants to do. But Fury, he's one of the better ones. Kinda walks his own line, you know? Steve worked with him way before he was an Alpha, at an agency called Shield.”
This piqued your interest, even your Little Wolf stirred, cause Steve rarely talked about his past. “What was Shield?”
Natasha searched the drawers one last time while she remained talking. “Oh it was Wolves trained in special skills, usually combative and logistics. They would be dispatched into problem areas for wolves and humans alike, working with the military. Bucky was a part of it as well. Their team was called the Howling Commandos.” Natasha snapped the drawers shut, and went to sit on the bed, picking up the phone. “Course this was way back when. I'm a bit surprised Steve hasn’t talked about it?” 
“No, but honestly Steve doesn't talk much about his past.” You worried your lip a bit and the Little Wolf brushed against your mind. 
<He will talk about it when he's ready.>
Natasha gave a shrug. “He will sometime, Steve’s time with his ex wasn’t easy. He probably just wants to forget some of that. With your help.” Natasha smirked at you, and you gave her a roll of your eyes, your Little Wolf snickering in agreement with your friend. “Have you thought about making it all official?” She eased out the question, and you wish you could give a resounding yes. You had considered asking Steve many times about it since you two have returned home. 
But something held you back, the idea of being connected to someone mind and body scared you in a way that seemed so unreasonable considering you and your Little Wolf knew you wouldn't ever want another Mate. Steve assured you many times that he would share that bond with you, but only when you asked for it, and never pushed or made you feel guilty like you should ask. Plus the way you and Steve were right now, it was comfortable and content, you hated the thought of asking for more and ruining the rhythm of happiness you found with each other, even though in Wakanda you were more than ready. 
“I know Steve would the second I asked him, it's me waiting. After living with Pierce for so long, Nat honestly it scares me. If Steve connected, I would belong to him. I know he wouldn’t do anything I wasn't okay with, but knowing he could. Fuck that just scares me.”
“Y/N, does he even know you feel this way?” Natasha asked softly and you shook your head. “Talk to him Y/N, Steve will want to know what you are thinking.” 
Your Little Wolf curled around in your mind, growling softly. <She’s right, we should communicate with our Alpha.>
“Think about it Y/N, you open up, maybe Steve will as well.” Natahsa grabbed her duffel and shouldered it. “Listen, I will be home soon, okay? Don’t worry about me, I'm used to being out on my own quite a bit.” 
“Doesn't mean we don’t still worry.” you chuckled softly and gave a wave into the phone screen. “Talk to you tomorrow Nat. Bye.” 
After hanging up, you settled back into the couch thinking over yours and Natasha’s discussion with the bond. Maybe it was time to bring it up with Steve, about why you were hesitant. 
Maybe he’s hesitant to? I know he has offered but-
<But nothing Y/N, his past is his past and even with the bond, he can choose not to share it. You know some things still stay private unless you choose to share them. Same goes with Steve and his Wolf. Besides… you're not just a little curious about before he was Alpha?> 
Of course I am, I just never really brought it up. 
The Little Wolf huffed out in frustration and shook out her fur as she moved to a stretch. <You have wanted it since before I came home, you were just waiting for me to come back.>
How do you know about that? 
<Cause I was never actually gone, just trapped.> she responded, starting to trot away from the front of your awareness with a whisk of your tail. <Now it's simply fear holding you back. The Alpha deserves to know.> 
You huffed a bit at your wolf being so dismissive. Pushing up off the couch, and going back to the bedroom to go get ready for the arrival of Ross to the pack. 
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Up on the mountain, the lot was just finishing up, Steve waiting with hands on his hips, watching as Sam worked the Skid Cat to load the last of the logs on. Once the last one was on, he pulled himself up the side and started working on strapping them down for transport when Sam parked the skid cat nearby, and hopped down to go join Steve. Pulling himself up the other side, both men working quietly tightening the straps till everything was safe to be taken down the mountain. 
“Your awful quiet today Man.” Sam finally broke the ice while twisting to take a seat at the top of the pile, Steve making a similar move to sit next to him. 
“Lot on my mind I guess.” He pulled off his heavy duty work gloves, and slapped them down beside him.
“This to do with Ross or Y/N?” Sam questioned while falling back to his palms planted on the log behind him, relaxing for a moment. 
“A bit of both. Ross, I'm just ready to get him off Pack Land.” Steve admitted, and the Wolf growled lowly at the mention of the man's name. “Y/N, were good and starting to feel comfortable, and settled after everything from this summer. But is this what she wants for sure?” 
<Course it is, our mate is happy Steve.> The Wolf pinned back his ear at the humans worries, sighing. 
Sam listened and gave a nod. “I remember feeling that way with Sara when we first started. ‘Was she happy, would she want this to be her life.’ Nerve wracking. I wanted to ask her, but fuck I was scared that she was gonna tell me it was temporary.” Sam flashed a grin. “Then I sucked it up, and brought it up one night. Damn, she jumped me in all of two seconds, told me I was an idiot and that she wasn't going anywhere.” Sam chuckled at the memory, and Steve gave his own amused laugh. “Anyways, I had nothing to be worried about, and I don't think you do either. Y/N looks at you man with those god damn heart eyes all the time whenever she catches a whiff of you. And Ross, I know you're not happy about it. I'm glad i'm not in your position right now.”
Steve rolled his eyes at him. “Thanks Sam.” 
“But you're gonna sail through it, tell Ross what happened, he's just being a prick cause you're not rushing to sign his accords.” Sam moved then to push off, sliding back down to the ground, and motioning to the truck's cab. When one Alpha refuses, others will not be afraid to say they agree. He’s afraid of more Alphas and packs agreeing with you. Come on Alpha, you're stalling. Let's get our shit finished, your best friend gonna be here soon.” 
Steve grabbed his gloves and jumped down, growling at Sam. “You're an ass.” while stuffing his gloves in his back pocket and yanking the door open to get in. 
“It’s a gift I’ve worked on for years.” Sam grinned, grabbing the walkie talkie and listening for the static. “Steve and I are taking the last load, clean up guys.” Once he got the confirmation, he got in, and Steve put the truck in drive and headed down the mountain. 
It wasn’t long till Steve was once more pulling into the Packs compound and it hit him as soon as he opened the door. The Alpha himself bristled in Steve’s mind scenting the other Alphas on his land, and he had to push the Wolf back from the front of his consciousness, the beast set off by not just one outside Alpha, but two. Sam coming out the other side, side eyed Steve a moment to make sure he didn't lose control because he saw the situation before Steve did. Sam was well aware the moment Steve saw them, just from the growl that raised from the depths of his chest in a menacing tone before dying down. 
On HIS porch, with HIS mate was Ross, Tony, and a female. Steve was unsure of who it was, but he was more focused on three wolves surrounding you that were outsiders. Heavy handed, he slammed the truck door shut, and all heads turned towards him to see him stalking towards his porch. 
Tony immediately moved to a stand, clapping his hands together. “And there's the old boy now! We were just about to go up the mountain to find you Steve.” Ross gave a cold nod in agreement, and the woman sitting next to him, Steve finally recognized Ross's assistant, Judy. Steve’s gaze shifted hotly from the wolves to you, taking you in. You seemed relax, one leg crossed over another, your hand wrapped around a coffee mug, and everything in you seemed to say that you were comfortable yet alert. Immediately as soon as you saw him looking at you with such an intense look, you set your cup aside, and eased to a stand, bushing past Judy and going down the stairs to reach your Alpha, smiling in that welcome home way. 
Immediately Steve loped an arm around you and pressed his lips to your temple with a whispered hushed tone just for you. “Everything okay?” you hummed a yes, exchanging the sentiment with a nuzzle to his shoulder before turning back to your waiting guests. 
“They just arrived minutes before you and Sam, Alpha.” You say cheerfully, the other three following you off the porch and standing around. You can feel Steve against you, not growling, but the vibrations of silent rumbles shifted through him. Your hand lightly slides under the back of his shirt to press against his lower back, and you feel him calm down, a deep inhale clearing his mind. 
“I was expecting you all much later, and I have a business to run, orders to be placed and people to keep employed within the compound and from the town below. But I’m here now, shall we go inside to talk?” Steve offered with an extended hand towards his front door. Ross once more seemed to look at Steve with disdain, making the Little Wolf in you bristle at the rudeness to your Alpha, but Steve chose to ignore it so you did as well. Judy though was another matter, the woman standing just to the other side of Ross with her tablet for notes, and she seemed to be eyeing Steve in a whole other way. A way that made you self conscious that he didn't have your bite showing any other unmated wolves he was committed. It made your jaw ache as you clenched it shut, your Little Wolf pacing now, panting slightly being on edge.
<She's a threat, I can smell her desire.> The Little Wolf's ears swept back flat against her skull, yellow eyes sharp as they watched Judy flaunt a bit in front of Steve, flashing her neck with sweeps of her hair over her shoulder and lowering her gaze in a way that wasn't necessary for anyone other than her Alpha or Mate. Now that Steve was here, you could smell the change in her, the heated desire this woman had for him. Steve must have felt you tense, cause his hand flexed on your hip and fingers pressed in the curve. 
She is only a threat if we allow her to be. Your attention turned away from her back to Tony and Ross. 
"Yes let's finish up with this." Ross snapped a bit and proceeded up the stairs. 
 As they headed inside, Steve dipped his head to Sam to whisper in his ear. Sam nodded at whatever Steve had said and stepped away from the group. You watch as he leaves, until Steve's touch pushes you gently up the stairs, wanting to keep you with him during this. You embrace for going inside, assaulted by the scent of all the extra people, but the one that was really irritating you the most was Judy. Who flung her hair once more over her shoulder, showing off the slim column of her neck. 
Your teeth bared slightly, although you flashed her a smile, digging for a hair tie in your pocket. “Here, your hair seems to be bothering you.” you held out the offending tie to her and she looked at your hand with a slight wrinkle of her nose, and plucked it from your fingers. 
“Thanks.” she muttered, but was quick to walk away from you. You noticed she flung your hair tie back on the kitchen island counter and stuck to Ross’s side while they settled on the couch. Judy’s nose dropped to her tablet, suddenly very busy. 
Not a threat but she's annoying as hell. Steve isn't even paying her any attention. You stated confidently to you Little Wolf as Steve dropped a kiss to your shoulder while going to the bar to pour some tumblers of the Wakandian liquor to offer the guests. 
“Be careful, it's strong.” he said as he passed it to Ross, Tony and Sharon. The last two he kept for you and him, once he settled in his leather chair, you perched on the arms chair allowing Steve to keep a possessive hand on your thigh. You sip it, licking your bottom lip afterward to clear the droplets collected and smirked to yourself when Steve’s fingers flexed and dug into your muscle before loosening again. 
<His…>
Yes we are. You thought while sipping the strong liquor once more. 
Tony, you noticed, was well aware of what Steve had given him and took a tentative sip. Ross though, shot back a heavy swallow, and started sputter and grabbing a kerchief from his pocket. “Christ Rogers, what was that?”
“It's Wakadian Liquor, courtesy of King T’Challa. So, what is it you want, Senator Ross? You felt the need to come all the way to my Pack to discuss my packs matters?” 
Ross set his glass to the side, and your gaze followed to see that he completely missed the coaster, and your eyes flashed in irritation at his ignorant behaviour. 
“Well as you know, the council over the American Wolves don't condone pack on pack violence. I understand the unique situation with Pierces ex lone wolf.” Ross said, gesturing towards you. 
Steve snapped forward in his seat, a warning growl rising from him. “Her name is Y/N, and I accepted her as part of the Mountain Pack the day she arrived. She was never a lone wolf or lived in the no man's land. Y/N was on the run, for her life. Running from a mad Alpha looking to sell her. She was a victim, she didn't choose to cross boundaries. Treat her as such.” 
To be called a lone wolf insinuated you had abandoned your pack and disrespected your Alpha. A wolf gone rogue and living between pack lines was a dangerous wolf, traveling to find a new pack was acceptable. But to live entirely feral,was rare and often those beasts went a little mad, losing their sense of human side.  
Tony rubbed at his face, easy to tell that the two Alphas were going to start bristling at one another, and interrupted with a slightly cheerful voice. “Okay gentleman, let's be sure we keep to the purpose here.” 
Ross nodded, this time taking a much more careful sip of his drink. “I apologize Y/N. I'm not unsympathetic to your situation.” He stated towards you, which you nodded slightly in acceptance while Steve thrummed his fingers against your thigh, impatient now. “As I was saying, there are proper procedures we must take to investigate Pierce and properly hold him accountable. Now, he’s dead. And he can't pay for his crimes. So Alpha…” Ross snapped out. “What prompted you to take those measures without notifying the Council.” 
Steve slid his arm around your hip while leaning forward, moving to sit on the edge of his seat, instinctively you felt the Aloha growing angered, and slid from the arm of the chair onto his knee. You could feel his coiled muscles underneath you and you leaned back enough to feel his chest pressing partially against your back. “What prompted me, Senator Ross? The fact that Y/N had to come seeking safety while being hunted. Trackers crossed my lines, uninvited, went into my house, uninvited and tried to abduct Y/N.” Steve inhaled deeply, dragging your scent to calm his Wolf down before continuing. “Then I am told about unmated wolves being held captive and sold to the highest bidder, against their consent. But none of that matters, right Ross? Leave it to the council to sit on their asses waiting for something more? How about this, Pierce threatened to attack my pack.” Steve shifted back, easing you both back. “I went to him instead, offered to talk first. It didn't end that way. I'm not going to have any of my family threatened, especially when from what I've been told, the council had all this information and more on file. And YOU all were still waiting? For what?” Steve challenged back. 
Ross glared at Tony before clearing his throat. “I don't know where you might have heard that information, but I can assure you Steve that the council has nothing but all Packs welfare in mind. That's why we were made in the first place. 
“Enough!” Steve snapped his teeth behind you. “I see now that the Council was made to try to control the Packs, do away with the need for Alphas. That's what this is about right? I refuse to sign your Accords, and by me not doing so, you have other packs who are also refusing. The matter with Pierce is just showing how fucking sloppy you all are, half ass work, rather watch until its the prime opportune moment to make the Council look good.” Steve snarled out, jostling you a bit in his lap as his arm tightened around you, probably unconsciously at this moment because his anger was starting to roll from him. 
“You're severely misjudging the Council Rogers, and although your opinions of us are not unknown, I say you best be watching what you say. You originally were for it, and we're still doing good for everyone, even if it's behind the scenes. Just because you and your Wolf got all tripped up saving a bitch in distress and breaking the Law.”
You felt Steve surge behind you, but you were quicker this time, your Little Wolf raging enough that your eyes flashed yellow barely containing her now. “You are in the Alphas house Senator, shut your fucking mouth if you cant be civil!” you snapped out, looming over the seated man when you pulled out of Steve’s hold. He went to stand, and you pushed him back to sit on the couch, Judy next to him giving a yelp in surprise, and you snarled at her enough for her to pull back into Ross.  You turned into Tony next, who threw up his hands in surrender. “Stark I like you, you helped Steve and I when we needed it most. But how dare you bring this man to our home.” Your hand waved over Ross. 
“Y/N, I'm sorry… “ Tony started genuinely but you cut him off, turning towards Ross, your anger still on the surface. You felt Steve move up behind you, but he never tried stopping you. 
“And You,” you inhaled deeply and growled as you exhaled. “You left us there to be tortured and abused. You left Pierce out of control, for what? More evidence? Know how many times Pierce tried to sell me off? Do you want the details of how that happens? I can fucking show you for your files. I know you saw his wall of skins. How many you think he did that to while your precious fucking council was waiting? You know how many he skinned alive?” At this Steve rested his hands on your shoulder, angry tears welling up that you wiped away furiously before continuing. “I remember every single one of them begging for mercy, their howls and screams. It will never go away.” All three of them listened while horror crossed their faces. “Steve, listened to the bare minimum of it all and knew it couldn't continue. So don't ever, EVER come here again trying to accuse the Alpha of anything other than saving the rest of our lives.” You took a deep breath, and your glare fell on your last victim. Judy saw you snap towards her, and she shrunk into the cushions, her hands shaking a bit as she dropped her head to look away from you. “And you know that I'm with Alpha, bite or not. All the neck flashing and bare minimum presenting yourself as a possible mate does nothing but make you look like a fool Woman. I'm assuming you think you're going places working for Ross. Sweetheart, find a new Alpha to work for.” You could feel yourself getting closer to losing control and you straightened, your back slamming into Steve just behind you, and his hands tightened on your hips to steady you. 
“I think my Little One said everything she needed to Ross. Leave, get off my pack’s land and don't ever show your face here again, you are not welcome.” Steve said quietly, the tone dripping with anger and a threat. 
“Now Rogers…” Ross tried again to make his point across while Tony and Sharon both went to stand and remove themselves. Steve roared out from behind you, and you hitched your chin up in your resolve. “NOW!” From outside came threatening howls from around the cabin, a clear sign that they were no longer welcome, and Ross snapped to a stand, straightening his jacket. 
“We're leaving, but mark my words Rogers this isn't over. There's the matter of your missing pack mates. Know where your trusted White Wolf is?” Ross snarled, and Steve started to make a move to lunge at Ross when Tony started to push them out. 
“Were going Steve, Y/N, Pepper says hi.” Tony shoved them both out the doors, and from the glance you saw, several wolves were lounging in front of your cabin, Sam being right on the stairs and Sara just below him. Sam remained impassive, just his ears perking at the opening of the door. Sara though rolled her muzzle to flash her fangs at the trio descending the stairs. 
Sam followed them down with Sara pacing right along with him, all three hurried to their parked vehicle as other wolves followed along. Several other packmates flowed silently into the treeline bordering the road that would lead them off the grounds. 
As the vehicle sped, they were followed with howls all along the driveway, going for several miles, keeping track of where the intruders were. You and Steve remained listening, relaxing a little more the further they got. Steve's hold was loose around you and his head dropped to nip kisses against your neck, breathing in against you while you and the Little Wolf listened with perked ears until Sam and Sara both announced with their own howl the threat was gone. You sagged in against his chest, for a moment and tipped your head back to look up at him. 
“I could have ripped his throat out.” You rumbled, and Steve looked down with a slight amused look on his face when he rubbed your stomach under your shirt, feeling yourself clench under his hands. 
“I know Little One, apparently they lit a fire in you.” A hand wrapped around your neck to slip up to your jaw, tilting your head to the side so he could drag teeth along your neck and followed by the soft warmth of his tongue. Your adrenaline was quickly shifting from anger to lust and desire. “Seeing you get protective was fucking hot Little One. I could fuck you so hard right now.” He bared his teeth against your wayward pulse. Everything about Steve screamed danger for others, for you it was exhilarating, the slight squeeze on your neck left you whimpering as you clenched your thighs together. “Get in our bed Little One, now.” He released you and you spun to face him, grasping his face to lick over his lips and biting that bottom one with a tug while his hand snapped sharply across your ass to send you on your way inside. 
Steve followed you in and watched you disappear down the hallway before he turned to lock the front door. Gritting his teeth as he leaned his forehead, feeling the Wolf shift through him with hunger for you, he was already rock hard when you lit right into Ross, Tony and Judy. Now the need to claim you was overriding all his other desires for you. Snapping back from the door, he stalked down the hallway, his nose lifted to follow your scent. Which built a hunger in his lower gut. 
He was raging hard, everything said that you ached, wet heat for him to get lost in. And when he stopped in the doorway, he saw you kneeling in the middle of the bed, arching yourself while your hands traveled to your back to unclasp your bra. Steve didn't even give you a chance. 
He couldn't help it, he was on you, his hands pulling you in closer to the edge, and a snap of his fingers against your back and sliding his hand around your ribs, he pulled the bra off your front to sharply inhale, catching the sight of you blinking up at him with those wide eyes shimmering back and forth between you and the Little Wolf. Hands moving to cup your breasts, thumbs flickering over the round pebbled tips while descending to claim your mouth, riding you down till you were smothered underneath him on the bed, caging you effectively underneath him. “Fuck you drive me wild Little One.” 
You could feel his teeth sink into your shoulder to keep you still and make you hiss out “Isn’t that my job?” which made Steve bite just a bit harder and make you growl while arching just a bit. Your hands fisted in the soft cotton of his tee and started to shred it till you could pull it away while his hands had your hips pinned in place, slotting a knee in between your spread thighs to grind the hard muscle into your cunt, which had your jolting underneath him. 
Once you got rid of his shirt, yanking the last of what was left over his head that he had to lift himself away from where he was marking you, you rubbed your aching cunt against his thigh again, dragging your nails down his muscled back while arching underneath him, seeking out that friction of his body against yours. 
Steve’s hand snaked once more around your neck, slamming you back into the pillows so he could look down at you, panting as inhaling you wasn't enough, he wanted to taste you, breath you in and get lost in the intoxication that made up you. “Flip over, to your knees Little One.” Leaning over you and brushing his lips against yours while you gave kitten licks to his lips, opening to let his tongue fill your mouth in a hungry kiss for one another. Steve couldn't contain the snarl of need erupting from him, the twitch of his cock constrained in tight jeans. Your nails dug into his back, dragging down while digging in, maring the spanse of his back in deep red welts. You gasped out when he moved down to suck his mark on your neck. “Steve, you gotta let me move.” you chuckled, pointing out the obvious. Steve had you effectively captured underneath him. 
The Alpha gave a warning nip to your pulse before pulling away, smirking down at you. “Sassy Little Wolf.” His palms slapped against your ass cheeks, digging his fingers in and pushing you off his knee. “One more time, flip over and let me see just how wet and needy you are Little One.”  Steve commanded, and pulled back while you twisted to your stomach, his hands sliding along your sides, and grasping your layers remaining to jerk them down over your ass and off your legs. 
Finishing with unbuckling his belt and sliding pants down while your ass swung back and forth to get yourself in position for your Alpha, breathing out deeply while dropping your head to the mattress. You could hear his hungry groan as he moved in behind you, his hands cupping the soft globes, spreading them so nothing was possibly hidden from him. You sighed feeling the cool air brush against your heated swollen cunt, and snuck a peek over your shoulder to see Steve biting on his lip, his eyes hungry while his cock pressed against the lower part of his stomach, dripping from his own desires. A finger trailed along your weeping cunt, sliding so easily into your channel, even when you tightened around him, dropping your head against the mattress once more with a pleading whimper. “Alpha please.” 
Steve stroked your fluttering and clutching walls, his finger slick with your want, and he easily stretched you open with another finger. His other hand smoothed up your back, and grasped the back of your neck, long fingers grasping around the column and dragging you up so that you were leaning on your elbow, your head tipped back to look up. 
“So pretty for me my Little One, taking my fingers so good.” He gave a stroke against the soft spongy spot that made you clench around him, breathing in deeply as he dropped his forehead against the center of your back, breathing out to keep himself under control as his muscles rippled under taunt skin. You started whimpering and mewling whenever his calloused fingertips sunk back into you, snapping your back while pushing back to meet his movements. “Your Alpha is going to fill you up, leave you dripping with my cum so everyone knows who you belong to.” 
Fuck you wanted that, wanted him so hard and deep in you that you would ache moving the next day, that his claim would be all over your skin, bruises from his mouth, and his seed rubbed in till it was all you could scent, leaving you dripping with need. “Please Alpha, make me yours.” you panted, and started clenching around his fingers, the coils in your belly threatening to snap. Twisting your head to muffle into the mattress, you started crying out and curling your toes while Steve started to run his tongue up your back till his chest was draped over your back, nuzzling the back of your neck with soft growls while pressing his words into your soft skin with kisses and sharp nips. 
“Come on my fingers and I will give it to you.” tilting his head and sinking his teeth in enough to hold you still while you let go, his fingers dragging out your orgasm until you wanted to sink into the bed in bliss. “Nu uh uh, Little One.” Steve removed his fingers from your clenching core to hold your hip up, pushing up to take the weight off your back. “Im not done with you yet.” He assured you while you dragged in deep breaths and gave a nod. “That's my good girl, my perfect Little One.” Grasping his base, he dragged his swollen weeping cocks head through your swollen folds, tapping against your clit to make you jolt while he pressed against your entrance. Tight as you were, when he started to press into you, he was able to slide right in, burying himself to the hilt, and you flexed around him with your own groan underneath him, biting against a pillow to muffle yourself. Steve's hand moved to press against your stomach, feeling himself thrust into you, a jolt of his hips rocking you. 
“Fuck Little One.” He growled and you pushed to your elbows, flexing yourself around him. A few shallow strokes went faster and harder, his hands holding your hips in place to keep him from driving you into the mattress. Steve felt so heavy and full in you and around you, it was taking your willpower to keep from falling apart feel each demanding thrust into you, but you met him back, your hands digging into the sheets and your head tipped back to get lost in the sensation of Steve claiming your body, every hitting thrust into your cunt breaking down those walls of doubt just a bit more. There wasn't going to be anyone you could want like this, except for Steve. Even now in the midst of taking you as his, he was still taking care of you, above you was him grunting out praises in how good you were to him, a hand dipped in between your legs, and rolled your clit to bring you maximum pleasure. 
In the midst of this, the need to belong to him flooded you. More then the endorphins sex brought, but genuine resolve that you were ready for it, all that belonging to the Alpha would bring. You couldn't imagine not being here with Steve, and not just these moments, but all of them. The good and bad, you would remain at his side should he want you, and you wanted his immense strength to lean on as well. You finally managed to gasp out from the pleasured haze “Steve, Do it… Claim me, make me yours.” 
Steve faltered over you, his hand flexing on your hips when he thought he heard you tell him to give you the bite, to officially claim you as his own. He clenched his jaw to keep from sinking a hold into you. It was a struggle for a second to keep the Alpha from taking over, he collapsed over you, pressing you down into the mattress, and hissing against your shoulder. “Little One, you want the bite?” His tongue dragged over your ear while you whimpered underneath him, nodding while twisting your head to the side to see him. 
“I'm ready Steve, I know Im yours.” You whispered, Steve’s gaze scanned you, from your swollen kissed lips from earlier to fluttering eyelids, but your eyes kept contact with his, nodding again to affirm that is what you wanted with him. Pushing up to his hands, he placed a deep kiss to the crook of your neck with a deep inhale against you, committing your scent of sweet honeysuckle and arousal to memory. A scent he would never get tired of. Pulling back further he eased his aching cock from you, leaving you lifting your head in question, a slight panic in your voice that he was leaving you. “Steve-” 
“It's okay, Little One, turn around. I want us to do this together.” His hands smoothed over your hips, and along the scars on your back till his hands folded over your shoulders and eased you back to kneel, your back pressing against your chest. “I got you Little One.” He nuzzled against your neck where he always favored, ever since he was first with you. Flicks of his tongue and press of his lips made your racing heart start to ease. 
Reaching behind you to press your fingers through his hair at the back of his head and tug on it to lift him from your neck. You hum gently while easing around to face Steve and cup his face in your hands to crash your lips to his, gliding tongues and teeth. You both tilted into the kiss to deepen it while Steve rode you to your back, his hands planted on each side of your head and his mouth traveled to the corner of your mouth to your jawline, a nudge of his nose had you tilting your head to the side so he could drag his tongue over your pulse and leaving his scent on you. “You sure this is what you want Little One?” He growled, and you squirm underneath him to wrap your legs around his waist with a nod. 
“I- We have never been more sure of anything before Steve.” you whispered and when he lifted his head to meet your eyes, you tilted your nose up to bump against his, your fingers remaining tangled in his hair. “I love you and want everyone to know it.” Your fingers slid down his neck and rubbed against his shoulders before gliding along his biceps. 
“I love you to Little One.” he shifted to one arm to grasp your hand, weaving his fingers with yours, then to the other with the same action. Steve eased himself forward to slide back into you, feeling you gasp and arch underneath him feeling him thick and full inside of you, the slow roll of his hips, dragging him back and forth. “Fuck Alpha…” You buried your face in against his arm as you rolled back to meet him. “What should I expect?” you whimper, flexing your fingers against his. 
Steve nipped lightly against your neck and you tipped your head back for him. He growled softly while lapping at your skin, rolling once more to fill you, press deeper to connect you two. “A complete connection Little One, we will feel one another with strong emotions even when we're apart.” another nip, and another sigh as your nerves flared with anticipation. “We won't have to be shifted for our wolves to be together.” Another promising nip and ghosting of lips against the hollow of your neck, sucking a mark there as he sped up his hips, grunting as he held back the desire to cum inside of you at that moment. “Are you ready for that Little One?” Steve asked, not willing to go through with it if you were having second thoughts. 
You were overwhelmed with love for the man claiming you, and you tightened around him, drawing him in closer. With his barely held control, it made him growl with his next thrust. “Mark me Steve Rogers.” A flash of your neck made his eyes flare yellow in the moment, and he dropped to scent against your neck. 
When he found the spot he wanted, one that was his favorite place to bury his face into because it was soft and warm, everything you were in his life, his tongue soothed over it, and a soft growl to prepare you rolled through his chest before his teeth laid claim, breaking through your skin. You immediately arched into him, curling yourself around his body with a pleasured scream. It left your Little Wolf howling while you came from the intense pleasure, and his body surged forward to keep your orgasm rolling through you in waves. It felt like fire and ice burned from your clenching core, and laced your body with licks of contrast, making you wither and hold onto Steve more. You sought out Steve's firmness to keep from losing yourself, and your head buried in against his shoulder, breaking a pleasured sob into the muscle. His hand broke from yours and cupped the back of your head, each surge rocking you into your mate. The urge to return the bite overcame you, and on his shoulder you laid your own mark, which sent Steve spiraling over the edge. His hips started to stutter to a stop while he buried his seed into you, groaning as he sunk over you. 
The explosion in your mind was another pleasure all its own, leaving you seeing spots in your vision even when you had your eyes screwed shut and your hand not pinned down with his hand, was wrapped around Steve’s side, clutching yourself to him till there wasn't any space between both of your sex blissed bodies. 
Your Little Wolf was tentative in the new connection you and Steve shared, lowering to her belly waiting to see if the Alpha would come, and sure enough the silver Alpha nudged against her, the Little Wolf rolling and nipping under his chin while rubbing against him with excited whines and yips. 
You could feel him, not in the same way you felt your own Little Wolf, but the sensation was thrilling. Steve was the first to let go, gentle with a rub of his hand along your hip and a soothing caress of his tongue against your broken skin to clean off the blood the bite brought. He groaned at the warm iron taste. You unclench your jaw and let go as well, placing a kiss against the mark while sliding your hand up and down his back gently which was still rippling under your fingertips, tracing the marks you left on him gently. “I can feel your wolf Steve.” you whisper in his ear, and Steve lifted his chest off yours, tucking himself up on his elbows, his hands cupping your face, and thumbs gliding over your cheeks, smiling down at you. 
“I feel her to Y/N, she's as much a part of me as he is of you.” Tipping his head to catch your lips, he circled an arm around your waist while pulling up, bringing you with him till you were straddled against his lap while wrapping your arms around his neck to stay in place. Steve couldn't stop his hands from gliding over your curves, the smooth skin along your lower back and over the swell of your hips and down along your thighs. You tentatively touch your neck, feeling the raised heated skin from where Steve bit you, your fingertips tracing the indents where his teeth sunk in. “Do you want to go see it YN?” Steve asked as he grasped your hips, ready to ease you off him now that he was no longer knotted in you, and was safe for you to move. 
“Yea, I want to see it, this is the first bite that was my choice, I want to admire it.” You gave a shy grin, and Steve felt a burst of satisfaction in his chest. You were so happy in this moment, and he was effectively feeling it as well. Easing you off his lap and you tumbled out of the bed, to approach the dresser mirror, lifting your hair back to see where Steve claimed you as his. 
In the mirror, Steve could see your face break into a smile, placing your palm over it. He moved to sit on the edge of the bed, and you twisted on your toes to approach him. Spreading his thighs for you to step through, he let his hands slide up the back of your thighs while your own fingers slid through his hair and down till your palms pressed against the underside of his jaw, tilting his face to look up at you. “Thank you for choosing me Alpha.” 
Steve's fingers dug into the back of your thighs. “I would choose you again and again my Omega.” for the first time, he labeled you as his other half, the omega wolf to his alpha wolf. In the connection, you both could hear your wolves singing your bonding song. 
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“Oh it's going excellent, the asset was well worth the wait.” Brock smirked into the phone as he looked in the large cell used to contain their weapon. “Hold on, I will show you how efficient he is.” Turning the phone around, he tilted the phone so the camera could face into the cell, and he barked out an order. “Go get that Stark man… the one they call Happy. Let the Winter Wolf have some fun with him.” Quickly the hydra agent he ordered went to collect their victim while Brock continued to speak into the phone. “It took a while to break him in but once we did, we unleashed a killer. I had no idea he even had it in him, and makes me wonder now if Rogers has that in him as well. They were trained in the same unit.” Brock heard the scuffle of footsteps behind him, and he swung open the cell door to shove Happy inside, sending him spiraling against the cement floor. With a clang, the door slammed shut and Happy pushed himself off the dirty ground, looking for any way to get out. 
“Rumlow, you know this is foolish, Tony will never let this go.” he grunted as he turned towards the bars. Rumlow crossed his arms over his chest, and smirked coldly. 
“You think Stark scares me any? Bigger picture Happy. Tony is nothing, an Alpha coming to the end of his time. Along with all the other packs across the country. That council shit they all live by will be brought down.” 
“Your fucking crazy Brock, I always knew it.” Happy growled softly, feeling the hairs on the back of his neck bristle. “Steve was right to take over your Pack.” 
Brock gave a laugh, banging on the bars to make Happy jump. “Rogers, don't worry I have something just for him. Right now your time is up.” He backed up a bit and re-directed the camera. “Let the asset out.” 
There was a clank behind Happy, and he spun around, reaching up to tug at the collar preventing him being able to shift. Fear flooded him with a sour bitter taste in his mouth, cause he could sense the danger coming for him, still hidden in the shadows. Happy’s Wolf was chained, but his fear made him struggle against the magic binding him with panicked whimpers, while Happy tried his best to see where the attack would come from. A loud snarl echoed from the room and Happy backed into a corner, trying to get as far away as possible now, giving his own warning to stay back. “Get back!” he panted in panic, still now knowing exactly where the beast would be coming from. The large White Wolf padded out, his yellow eyes honed in on Happy while licking his jaws with a bright pink roll of his tongue. “Bucky, fuck we know each other.” Happy tried pleading. Brock behind him burst into a laugh, remarking. “That isn't Bucky, not anymore.” The White Wolf flickered his ears back and forth, studying the quivering man before him and Brock’s almost bored tone filled the silence. “Ubiystvo” Kill. 
It all happened so fast, just enough time for Happy to throw up his hands to try to block his throat, and a streak of white became a mauling set of jaws and rage filled snarls rose over Happy's screams while it tore into him, teeth cutting into flesh and snapping through bones. Within seconds the White Wolf got to his throat and gave a whiplashing shake of his victim, crashing his body against the bars, Happy went limp and dropped to the ground as blood flooded pristine white fur, and red seeped to pool around the wolf’s paws. Brock couldn't help the grin plastered on his face, the wolf before him waited for directions. “You can go back now. Get!” and with that, the White Wolf turned and retreated back to where he came from.
Someone spoke on the phone, and Brock brought it back up to his ear. 
“Oh yes, he will be in the field any day now. We just have to affirm his trigger words and Soldat will be ready for use.”  
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It was several days after Steve had given you the bite, your fingers unconsciously slipped along the fresh healing mark while you sat outside around the fire with other members of the pack later in the evening. The bite had ended up sending you into a heat which Steve kept you sated till finally you both came up for air days later, deciding that it was best to let the rest of the pack know you two were actually still alive. Sara gave a knowing grin before she brought her beer bottle to her mouth to drink and once you settled down next to her, she handed one over to you. “Welcome to the Pack, officially now Y/N.” She said and laughed softly while throwing her arm around your shoulder when you sputtered on your beer bottle, glaring at her. Your eyes glanced across the fire at Steve while he wandered around, catching up on what's been going on since the two of you had been locked up in the cabin together. 
“Thanks Sara, it was time. I know this is home, and I don’t have any desire to be anywhere else.” You took another swig while Steve from across the large bonfire seemed to catch a scent, tilting his head while talking to some of the logging crew. His eyes roved over the crowd till they fell on you through the flames crackling between them, and Steve smiled to himself before he turned back to his packmates. 
“I will see you all up there in the morning, first thing.” he excused himself from the small group and wandered slowly around the fire, talking to a few others till he reached You and Sara. 
“Ladies…” He greeted on the sly, pulling you up out of the chair and falling into it to pull you in his lap. 
“Alpha, been a while.” Sara said slyly while Sam came up behind her, plucking her beer bottle from her hand and taking a swig from it. 
“Now Baby, be nice. This is still the honeymoon stage.” Sam teased and Steve tightened his hold a bit, shaking his head at your friends. 
“Weren't you just telling me a couple days ago that it just gets better?” Steve asked, and Sara tilted her head back to look up at Sam. 
“Aww, you really say that? Someones getting lucky later.” Sara sprang up and wrapped her arm around Sam's neck, nipping at his chin playfully. Steve turned his attention back to you, his chin brushing along your neck where he left his mark, pride swelling up that now everyone could see you were officially his. He was content, feeling your Little Wolf so close to the Alpha in this new bond. You purred softly feeling the brush of his beard and tilted your head with your eyes closed, enjoying the sensation he was making along your skin. 
Your fingers danced up his arm, over his shoulder and cupped the back of his neck, nuzzling back into the crook, cuddling up against him. You could feel your Little Wolf sigh in content in this moment, her muzzle stretched over the Alphas back. Her ears flickered back and forth feeling you stir in your mind. 
<You know we’re happy right, this is what it feels like.>
You snicker against Steve's neck listening to her. I know what it feels like. 
<I just wanted to be sure, because Im not letting this go anytime soon.> She curled up closer to her Alpha, who lifted his head to check on her before settling back down. 
Neither am I.
“What are you and the Little Wolf discussing?” Steve asked against your ear, and you lifted your head to smile at him. 
“About how happy we are Alpha.” you cupped his face and nipped at his lips, letting your forehead press against his. “That this was the best choice I’ve ever made for myself.” 
His hands were heavy when they pressed against the small of your back, making you arch into him, the fire crackling before you, the pack all around you… Steve had to admit, he was pretty fucking happy to.
The End 🐺
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397 notes · View notes
moonculus · 3 years
Text
terrible things ~ wilbur x reader
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angst
warnings: death, weapons, kissing (all non-descriptive)
pronouns: implied she/her
notes: inspired by the song, terrible things by mayday parade. i apologize in advance <3
☾ ‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾  ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙ ☽
that’s when i met your father, the boy of my dreams. the most beautiful man that i’d ever seen.
“mommy?”
you looked away from your coffee cup to meet your child’s bright eyes staring back at you.
“yes, honey?” you asked, smiling softly.
“what happened to my father?”
immediately, you felt your heart tighten. you had put off talking about your husband for as long as you possibly could. phil, techno, even tommy. everyone who cared for you worried about you. you had thrown yourself into caring for your child, barely even giving yourself time to feel.
“when you’re older, baby,” you tilted your head sympathetically.
the daughter clung to your leg, pouting up at you with puppy eyes. the same her father would make whenever he wanted a hug or kiss from you. you were never the disciplinarian. to be honest, neither of you were. you hoisted your daughter onto your lap, preparing yourself emotionally.
“well, since i was your age, i was convinced i would be a leader. no one could ever tell me i needed a husband, i thought boys were frivolous. while my friends would talk about crushes and cooties, i would talk about sword skills and the inner workings of our country. i never thought i’d need anyone. until i met your father…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
you swung your wooden makeshift sword at a tree, grunting as it was stuck in the bark. you pulled at the handle, kicked at the stump, and eventually plopped down in the grass beside it, frustratedly.
“need some help?” a soft voice asked you.
a small boy your age crooked glasses and a yellow sweater he seemed to be quickly outgrowing.
“no. i can do it myself,” you huffed, brushing yourself off and attempting to pull the sword out again.
“my dad says it’s always best to accept help, even if you think you don’t deserve it.”
“my dad used to say if you can’t do things on your own, you shouldn’t do them at all.”
“your dad’s wrong,” the boy shrugged, leaning against the tree.
“do you mind?”
“i’m wilbur,” he grinned, sticking his hand out for you.
“i’m tired of this,” you folded your arms against your chest.
“well, tired of this. do you want to be friends?”
“my dad said friends make you weak,” you muttered, shifting from foot to foot.
“your dad’s wrong,” he repeated, smiling. “anyways. sometimes, everyone needs a knight in shining armor.”
with a swift hit to the handle in exactly the right place, the sword fell to the grass. your chest rose and fell as you glared at the weapon.
“thank you,” you mumbled.
“i’ll take a friendship as an apology.”
you rolled your eyes at him, a smile threatening to cross your face.
“fine.”
wilbur’s face lit up with a toothy smile.
“but,” you began, pointing a finger at him. “only because i owe you.”
“oh, of course,” he nodded, stifling a grin.
“y/n. my name. i’m y/n.”
“y/n,” he repeated. “i like it. i’ll see you around, y/n.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“and then what happened?”
your curious daughter that had been squirming in your lap, now settled, relaxing in your arms.
“well, a few years passed, and we became practically attached at the hip. inseparable…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i can tell by your eyes that you’re in love with me
“stay together- be safe!” phil called after the two of you, as if you would’ve gladly left the other alone.
“we will!” you chorused, already bolting away.
the once short and underdeveloped boy had grown into a lanky, somewhat scrawny teenager. stretch marks dotted his knees from an unexpected growth spurt at twelve. he had long since ditched his glasses, claiming that he was too mature for his crooked lenses. suspiciously, he had adopted the spectacles back once he had overheard a conversation between niki and yourself in which you told her you thought boys with glasses were cute.
the two of you flopped onto your backs at the same willow tree you had first met. it had become a memorial of the start of your friendship, a place you visited often.
clouds drifted through the sky, the both of you pointing out ones that looked like ducks and cats.
“d’ya ever think about your future?” wilbur asked you out of the blue.
“yeah. i’m gonna be a ruler. you can be one of my royal consorts,” you shrugged.
“what’s a consort?”
“i dunno, i heard my mom use it once. i suppose it’s like an advisor of some kind. you’re my second in command!”
“well, i’m fine being your second. as long as you don’t let it go to your head,” he nudged you, smiling.
you rolled your head to the side, meeting gazes with wil. his eyes searched your face, and for a second you were confused. you had barely even acknowledged the thought of crushes- you didn’t know what they felt like. later on, you could assume it felt a little like this.
the two of you leaned in, connecting your lips gently. neither of you had any clue what you were doing, it was both of your first kisses. as soon as it began, you pulled away. you didn’t miss the blush creeping into wilbur’s cheeks, just as he didn’t miss the smile you tried to hide behind your hand.
“i- crap. i li-“ wil stammered.
“i know.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“ew, cooties!”
“you’re right, cooties. that’s why you never kiss boys,” you pointed at your daughter.
“anyways, we loved each other. we had since the day we met, just were too young to know it…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
im asking you, please. you know that i love you, will you marry me?
“gods, you look beautiful, honey,” niki cooed as she placed flowers behind your ears.
“you think so?”
“i know so! wil is going to be speechless.”
“we haven’t been out for weeks, with all of the battle preparations,” you sighed, placing your face in your hand.
“don’t remind me. there you are, perfect!” niki smiled, squeezing your shoulders gently.
“thank you so much, i owe you.”
“oh, hush. you owe me nothing,” she dismissed. “now, hurry! he’s waiting.”
there was a calm breeze as you walked to your willow tree. the air smelled floral and familiar, like it was curated just for you. you heard the soft strum of a guitar, and your steps quickened.
a grin plastered itself across your face as you saw your love, surrounded by blue petals and lanterns, plucking the strings of his instrument. it was a scene out of a movie as you took a seat in front of him. he smiled at you softly, not speaking until the melody finished.
“i love you,” he began, clasping his hands around your own. “i have loved you since i’ve known you. you are my muse, my meaning. without you, i’d perish beyond means. i promise i’ll care for you when you’re sick, when you take up half of the bed, when you insist on midnight walks- i’ll take it all.”
by now, tears of happiness were falling down your face, you practically already nodding.
“y/n y/l/n,” he started, pulling out a dark ring.
you interrupted him, throwing your arms around his neck and all but tackling him to the ground.
“will- you- marry- me-“ he laughed in between kisses. “i’ll take that as a yes.”
“yes, yes. of course it’s a yes, you idiot. i love you,” you smiled.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“but if you lived happily ever after, where’s dad?”
again, your heart felt pained. your eyes filled with tears as you squeezed your daughter’s hand.
“sometimes, it was just never meant to be…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
please don’t be sad now, i really believe, you were the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
you were married as soon as possible, only your close friends and family invited to the wedding at the willow tree. a few months later, you were expecting. once you told wilbur, he was ecstatic. your family was growing. alas, the past few weeks had been strained. wil had grown further apart from you, feeling as if he were worlds away while he laid next to you. it all became clear, all the pieces clicking once the three of you stood in the final control room.
“wil, please. you’re going to have a child- you have me! you can’t do this, think of everyone,” you pleaded as phil held your arm.
“i’m sorry, my love. truly. i wish there were another way. i will never stop loving you. never,” he smiled sadly, his fingers dancing across the button that would annihilate your entire nation.
“it was never meant to be.”
phil held you close as you sobbed, his shouts at his son drowned out by the sounds of explosions. once the dust settled, you saw your boy, the same one who had always had the brightest eyes, dull and lifeless as he stared at you.
“i love you,” he mouthed as he nodded at phil.
you didn’t quite understand what was happening, not until it happened. your hand flew to your mouth to muffle your screams as the man’s blade plunged itself into it’s target. you scrambled to your lover, his soul already left his body. you cradled him in your arms as long as you could before his father had to carry you away from him.
from that day forward, you pledged to throw everything you could into daughter- the legacy of your late husband. you swore you’d never leave her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
don’t let it get you, i can’t bare to see the same happen to you.
“he’s gone?” she breathed out, tears falling down her little face.
“yes,” you sniffled, failing to hold back your own tears. “yes, he’s gone. but he loved us very much, even if he never got to meet you.”
your daughter clung to your shirt, not fully understanding everything. you would explain to her later more in depth, when she was old enough to understand.
“you were his unfinished symphony. his little melody,” you smiled down at her.
melody would learn to understand her father through stories from you, her uncles, and her grandfather. the two of you continued to visit his final resting place- the willow tree you had buried him at. for a while, it had only reminded you of misery, memories you’d never get to relive. but, ever since melody had been born, the tree was rejuvenated. it even seemed to sway as if it were listening when you spoke.
your wilbur, his love, and your baby, melody.
your symphony.
☾ ‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾  ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙ ☽
51 notes · View notes
heyitsyn · 4 years
Text
,,,,OK Kurat
Soulmate!Bokuto
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a/n: when bokuto refuses to fix his roots and let the gray dye grow out and it slightly irritates you
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colorblind soulmate where you lose your colors and only gain them back when your other half starts to have feelings for you
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requests are open!!
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so, leggo?
ever since you turned 16, you’ve literally gone colorblind
like you were perfectly happy seeing the colors of the world
from daichi’s red sweater
to hinata’s orange hair
you were ROBBED of the colors of the world
when you woke up that morning, you knew you would get your soulmate sign soon and you were sure it would happen while you were in class as it would start the exact time you were born 16 years ago
so there you were, happily eating with nishi and tanaka at the roof
‘hey, y/n-chan, look at this manga i found!’
you look up at noya and you almost choked on your rice ball when you couldn’t see his blonde streak anymore
it was like the moment you blinked, it was gone
he must’ve noticed your surprised look because noya touched the front floof since you were staring right at it
tanaka had his mouth opened and patted your back when you coughed
‘ah, it happened now?’
then you just start bawling
‘i cANt sEE yOuR hAiR anYmoRE!! aNd hiNATa’s hAiR! aND tHE oRANgE uniFOrMS!’
they understand it was a touchy subject for you since you were expecting something cute like noya’s thought sharing sign or tanaka’s taste sharing sign
but NO!!!
‘it’s okay y/n-chan. you’ll meet them soon and you’ll get your colors back’
from then on, all you’ve done is research all you can about soulmate signs and how they worked
yours happens to be a rarer one and you groaned bc of course it would happen to YOU
it states that usually, the moment you lock eyes with your soulmate, you’d get your lost sense back
but you wouldnt know when it would exactly happen and be like your uncle who is nearly 40 and still cant smell anything
whats worse, there were even cases where you wouldnt get them back in one sight but gain them when they start to have romantic feelings for you
you really do hope you’d get the easier 
being a part-time manager, you often helped the vbc if you were free from your other clubs so you sometimes help kiyoko with the kids
entering the gym, you frowned when you saw hinata and the gray tone of his hair
everything was gray but colors that are light like yellow or bright orange, were lighter gray while darker ones were dark gray or black
seems like tanaka and noya told the team what happened because daichi went up to you and ruffled your hair before saying it’ll be okay
‘give it time! you will find them!’
yacchi, a manager-in-training, enthusiastically told you about her ideas for the poster and gave you her rough draft, explaining the little details
but you were out of it as you just roamed your eyes over the gray-colored paper
thus causing her to freak out
‘OH MY GOD! I”M SO SORRY Y/N-SAN! I FORGOT ABOUT IT!! I’M SO SORRY!’
(yacchi is just a little precious bun, please protec her :’))
but you ruffled her hair and put on a smile
‘don’t sweat it, yacchi’
after that whole thing about announcement of the tokyo training camp and the hinata/kageyama idiot squad
you guys were in the bus, getting ready for Tokyo
it’s also been weeks since you lost it so you were still new but you were starting to get used to it
ofc you still had mistakes like their different colored practice jerseys and who was in what team or wearing different colored socks
but you were slowly adapting
it was a few hours of a drive so everyone was static to get out of the cramp bus and use the bathroom and stretch their legs
you took your time and put the others trash into a plastic bag bc youre just a great manager like that
getting out of the bus, you heard a horrendous and terrifying laugh and saw the nekoma captain hunching over in laughter
‘my god. at least his face makes up for it’
you got a text from hinata and kageyama saying that they were going to take their exams now and you sent them a little encouraging blurb
the guy from nekoma with the mohawk gawked at the 3 managers and you remembered him having that blonde hair dye
when you and the rest entered their gym, all you saw were balls flying everywhere and lots of people
your eyes scanned for at least someone to make eye contact with you because this gym has a lot of people in it and there could be a possibility they were in here
like 0.000003% probably but still a chance
from the managers to the players, not one reactivated the colors
‘hm,,, i think my soulmate is in here’
noya’s little comment made you glare at him in envy and he grinned with a peace sign
you noticed that boy kenma with his haircut and there was someone sitting near him that made you turn to the others
‘okay, either i just have terrible memory but is that a new guy?’
suga wondered the same thing and you flinched at the kid’s harsh stare at you all
there was a light gray tone to his hair and eyes so you were curious what color they were
‘his legs look a little long. i think he’s taller than most of these guys’
asahi said which made you give him a look
‘listen, as long as we got tsukki-kun, we’re okay’
the first match was against some powerhouse called fukurodani and they had a few interesting players
by interesting, you meant looks wise
that one guy looked freaking pretty with his sharp eyes while the other guy, who you assumed to be the captain, had round eyes and spiked hair
you were pretty sure that he had different colored hair due to the mix of black and light tones
AND THE WAY IT WAS STYLED THO
its like he got electrocuted and his hair just stayed the same
you were too busy looking at the 2 teams that you completely missed karasuno’s defeat and just saw them doing flying receives
the others gathered to the side and the next game was against fukurodani and nekoma
from hearing the names being said, that pretty guy was akashi or aggghasshi and the owl looking dude was bokuto-san or bokutosang or something bokuto bc youre not exactly sure
and then he be flying
‘he REALLY flying!’ 
you exclaim and tbh what can you expect from being one of the top 5 aces in the country
then the ball straight flew towards your own player and you and yamagucci screamed for his name
everyone flinched when the ball hit his hand and you ran over to check
‘ouch’
you hear that loud voice of his on top of kei’s hiss and you growled
‘HEY HEY HEY’
he didnt even apologize and if it wasnt for tanaka and daichi holding you back, you were about to scream into the guys ear for damaging your player’s hand since he needed it to block properly
‘LET ME GO! WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS INJUR-’
suga smiled and raised a hand apologetically your shouts caught the attention of others
the more games karasuno played, the more they lost
you went to fill up their water bottles and was mumbling to yourself, blaming that freak haired guy for tsukki’s pained blocks
‘didnt even apologize. how dare he hurt my boy’
bokuto was going for a drink when he heard your mumbles by the water fountain
he noticed you as the karasuno manager and poked you in the shoulder
‘ah! youre the manager!’
cue you looking to glare at him since you could recognize that voice anywhere
‘and you are?’
taken aback with your tone, he grinned
‘bokuto. bokuto koutarou’
‘ah’
then you went back to filling up the bottles
he fiddled with his towel before poking you again
‘um,,, i want to apologize for earlier. sorry about that spike’
you stopped and you nodded
‘i appreciate the apology, bokuto-san. but you should say it to him’
bo guessed that you were kinda their mother hen and you looked after the players of your team
‘are you,,, a third year?’
closing the lid of the last bottle, you placed it on the basket
‘second’
his eyes widened before shouting
‘im your senpai!’
you jumped at the sudden volume of his voice and awkwardly smiled
‘ah. okay, bokuto-san’
his eyes widened before patting your shoulder gently
‘drop the -san! i prefer being called senpai!’
does this guy have a senpai kink or something
but there was probably nothing wrong with calling him senpai right?
‘okay, bokuto-senpai’
you were lowkey kinda iffy since you dont really call anyone senpai, everyone was -san to you
bo laughed loudly and ruffled your hair
‘WAH!!!!!! MY LITTLE KOUHAI!!!’
‘bokuto-san!’
your head looked up and you saw the pretty guy walking towards you
he bowed in front of you in both greeting and apology
‘sorry about him. he gets a little excited sometimes. im akaashi keiji by the way’
you waved it off and smiled gently
‘nice to meet you, akaashi-san. and dont worry, i have two people like him in my team’
hinata and noya
‘come on. the next game is about to start’
he tugged bokuto’s arm and bo waved at you before walking away
‘see ya!’
but stopped
‘ah! i didnt get your name!’
‘y/n. l/n y/n’
‘see ya later y/n!’
when you came back, the boys were still doing flying and you glanced at your watch, knowing that your boys should be coming soon
you and yacchi were visibly listening to the other players talking about your team and kiyoko gave you both a look to settle down
‘hold it in, girls’
the sea of different tones of gray were currently making you dizzy with so many things happening at ones and you completely missed the door opening, revealing tanaka’s sister
noya’s excited shout made you turn and you waved excitedly
you’ve met her once when you went over to help tutor her poor brother and noya who practically lives at their house
everyone stopped what they were doing and saw the two boys huffing by the door
you heard kuroo’s comment but you were too excited to see them come back in one piece
‘ah, so those are the legendary first years’
hm, if only you knew why they were late
bo saw you with wide eyes and excitedly bouncing at the sidelines as karasuno started to play
‘what are you looking at bokuto-san?’
akaashi asked
bo thought you were interesting the moment he heard you angrily mumble about him and he thought your pouting face was cute
‘i wonder what her soulmate mark is’
akaashi knew about his soulmate sign since he received a very frantic phone call that sunday afternoon of bokuto not being able to see the color of his apple anymore
‘she probably doesnt have it yet’
akaashi’s answer made his brows furrow
‘she’s a second year so shes probably 16 already’
‘why would it matter to you anyways?’
yea, why did it matter?
‘just general curiosity. shes quite fiesty. i like her. i want to be friends’
akaashi sighs and pats his back
‘i support you, bokuto-san’
shoot this might as well be a bokuaka
he saw you run to the two first years and took their bags for them, ruffling their hair each
even though you’re only like a some months older than hinata, you still treat him like a babie
‘coach left some buns from earlier so you can eat that before you play. oh! i also got you your milk, kags!’
bo literally could feel your happiness radiating and he saw your eyes
too bad he couldn’t see the color of them
although the boys team was finally complete, they still lost quite a lot of sets
and they were trying so hard and you were just cheering on the sidelines w yacchi and kiyoko
you kept running back and forth from the drinking fountain since the boys kept drinking so much water
and bo just finds you there again
for the second time today
:0
‘oh? back again, y/n-chan?’
you could recognized that gruffy voice anywhere
you turned and gave him a tight smile
‘ah. hello bokuto-san’
he pouted and nudged you with a finger to your shoulder
‘senpai! call me senpai!’
you were pretty sure he was 18 yet he still threw a tantrum
what kinda-
‘okay okay. sorry, bokuto-senpai’
then like a switch his pouts became grins and you got dizzy with the sudden mood switch
‘youre such a diligent manager, y/n-chan. you should transfer to our school and be one of ours instead!’
then you remember meeting the 2 managers they had
‘ah, you already have 2 so i think you’re covered’
bo whined at that
‘but karasuno also has 2 without you!’
tbh you shouldve been uncomfortable in this situation bc here you have a grown man whining
but you found his pout endearing and his eyes were loony-looking
‘not to hurt your feelings, bokuto-senpai, but we just met and i don’t know you all that well’
‘then you know the solution to that, don’t you?’
you just stared at him
‘lets get to know each other! lets be friends! lets be close!’
you couldnt say anything else since you were kinda in a pickle here so you just nodded
‘um, okay’
‘bokuto-san!’
that voice made you perk up and you raised a hand
‘akaashi-san!’
bo saw your smile and he pouted, jealous that you didnt give that smile when you saw him
‘ah, l/n-san.’
you looked at bo and his eyes grew even bigger and you resisted the urge to pinch his cheeks with how they puffed out with his pout
woah wait huh
why did you just think of that
akaashi had to bring back bo to the gym for their match but bo refused to walk
‘no! not until y/n-chan wants to be my friend!’
what are you
5?
but you nodded, placing a hand around his bicep
you froze, trying to contain the shock of how S T R O N G they felt
ohmygad
‘l-lets get to know each other later, bokuto-sa-senpai’
you hurriedly corrected yourself and breathed a sigh of relief when he didnt notice
a big smile got to his face and he pointed at you
‘ill win this for you y/n-chan!’
you sweatdropped bc wow this manz is winning a game for you
no-for your friendship
he excitedly ran back down the hallway and disappeared with a faint ‘hey hey hey!’
you and akaashi shared a look and he apologized
‘im sorry if he made you uncomfortable’
‘nah nah, its okay’
‘and thanks for uplifting him. he was in a mood when he left bc we lost a set but now he’s energized thanks to you’
a,,, mood?
‘is he,,, i dont know,,,, bipolar?’
akaashi stood for a second before shrugging
‘i guess you could say that. the team tries to uplift him bc if hes in a mood he messes up’
a sound of recognition left your lips before you nodded
‘ah okay’
‘well, i guess im seeing you later then, l/n-san?’
‘oh, please. call me y/n. we’re the same age!’
but he gave you a mysterious smile
‘i dont think bokuto-san would like that’
so the remaining of the time there, bo was practically stuck to you as he followed you everywhere
babie calls it ‘friendship bonding’
when yall were leaving, he was pouting so hard and you gave in to your urges
;)
you pinched his cheeks
‘until next time, bo-senpai’
blew a fuse right then and there
bO-sENPai
yall remained in contact and you even went up to visit him and just hang out
you were lowkey catching feelings
like when he sent you that mirror picture of him and kuroo being sassy in a department store and your heart started beating really really fast
then your palms started sweating as you remembered the feeling of his warm hands on yours when he led you through the busy sidewalk of tokyo
‘siri, am i having a stroke?’
but you were like ‘nuh-uh, must remain pure for my soulmate’
however
if you have those feelings already and it’s towards your soulmate, that gave bo his sight of colors
just sitting there w his team eating yakisoba bun then he looked at akaashi and saw his friend’s blue eyes again
can you tell im a bokuaka simp
in another life flashbacks
n e ways
he was so happy and ecstatic and was about to call you but akaashi was like, ‘wait, i think she might be your soulmate’
the entire team was just like, ‘what’
and bo just sitting there, ‘omg what if’
akaashi, 
grandmaster plan creator
tells bokuto to hold off from telling you until the next time yall see each other which is in the training camp
for story’s sake, training camp finally rolls around
you cannot stop squirming in your seat bc ya finally get to see bo again after so long
kuroo greets yall at the front and hes familiar w you since you hung out w the tokyo squad
‘you have a surprise little chibi’
you were just like, ‘,,,,ok kurat’
meanwhi;e,,
bo was so antsy and he was just like, ‘yey! i get to see her again!’
ngl, bo thought you were really pretty and cute and he thinks he has a crush on you but not like head-over-heels like you were
literally cannot stand still and the team was tired of having to keep him from running so akaashi just let him go
‘but dont run her over, bokuto-san’
he sonic bolts over
nYOOM
he finally sees that tangerine hinata and was searching for your hair color and when he sees you laughing at kuroo’s face, his eyes widened
his heart beat started beating really really fast and everything in his brain and all the words he wanted to say died down
he never really saw your face with colors but he just stares in awe at your beautiful skin color, breathtaking eyes, silky hair, and those plump lips
sweat started to gather at his palms and his feet started moving on its own until he just scoops you in his arms, lifting you off the ground in the process
w you, there was a silence
‘your eyes,,,,, theyre beautiful’
bo just grins at the crack of your voice and tears just wells up in your eyes w a smile
‘bo!’ 
you shouted and you wrapped your legs around his waist while he burrows his head in your neck
‘you’re so beautiful. oh my god, you’re so beautiful’
omg what i would do for bo to say that to me
obvs, the others knew what was happening
dai and suga were already planning on the talk
kuroo just recording the whole thing
‘im falling in love with you. i want to fall in love with you over and over again until i die. i want to feel like this forever. can i?’
just forgets about everyone and being in your own bubble and your own world as bokuto just professes his love for you
‘stupid question, koutaro!’
you giggled and he finally allowed you to stand on your own two feet
‘let me love you for eternity’
cue waterworks from noya and tanaka and konoha
‘but baby, we need to touch up your roots, though.’
‘we got forever, soulmate’
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sorry if this was trash
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adulthooliganism · 2 years
Text
DID stuff ! very long. more just for my own tracking. also it's 9pm and someone is ? cutting/grinding metal outside ? stop it
it's like learning more about DID is cool and great because it's like natpuff leftatlondon voice Aha I Do That
(p sure natpuff said she actually also has DID but that's not relevant here just a fun fact love she ✨)
and it's validating! because it's not like. sometimes i will read abt something And Then start experiencing those symptoms (part of my disorder) but these things r just. oh my brain just works like that and it's "normal" for my disorder (inherently not "normal" or whatever who even give a shit). however along with that is the whole I Have Dissociative Identity Disorder thing which is .
it's also awful. because it reinforces that hey, fucked shit happened to someone in here and they're holding that so i don't have to. i can hear them crying sometimes but when i knock on the door to help they run. i remember the big picture. i remember the drug addiction and the abandonment but i don't feel anything about it. because it didn't happen to me.
ever since i was little ive had this very clear image in my brain of throwing bad thoughts over a brick wall. it's a fully white space, save for a red brick wall that stretches to each side infinitely. i can see the top of the brick wall, but for a long time no matter how close i tried to get to the top it would extend further like an optical illusion. i would watch this black plastic garbage bag tie itself around the thought, sometimes double or triple bagging if needed, and it would hurl itself over the wall. and the thought would be gone.
recently though, ive managed to peek over the wall a couple times. and ive seen the ruins of whatever's behind it. it's a fucking wasteland back there. but every time i try to reach over and grab something, i get forcibly dissociated out of control again. someone else, usually [_], takes over and im not allowed back.
sometimes i look in the mirror and im like thats me :> and sometimes i look in the mirror and im like :/ and Sometimes i look in the mirror and ive never seen that face before . im smart enough to understand how fucking mirrors work. i know it's a reflection of what i appear as. but ive literally never seen that person before in my 21 years of life.
someone hates being called chris. a couple of us, actually. only one has come forward with another name and they're not even one of the ones who Hates the name chris
and realizing that regularly experiencing things like this. is maybe not "normal" or whatever. and that i maybe should work towards integrating the fragments, even if not to "fully" integrated but at least workable and communicable. because this whole blacking out for days at a time and coming back to not knowing where i was or what i did or who i saw or what i said? not recognizing my own damn face in the mirror? yeah maybe that's. maybe that's not good.
also part of it is like. not accepting you have it. right. which lots of us don't. im the only one who like... really acknowledges it? chris and jazzy both Know but they're not like. idk. they don't accept it. they're worried about people's perceptions too much and don't want people to know we're insane or whatever. it's not insanity. it was a failure in the integration of our identity during our development coupled with repeated trauma. and it's just how it works.
i think im being kicked out now ✌️
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