#sleeve and just quietly cry because im exhausted and there's nothing i can do about it but endure

[lepidopterium]

!!!

#spent all day in agony in bed because my fucking parents keep dragging us around on this awful vacation to whatever suits their whim w/o #asking us what we want or even showing any care for how we're doing or adjusting #i didnt want to leave the house of my aunt in cairo. i have privacy there and its closest to what im used to living in #i can tolerate the heat wave there despite my antidepressants. and im genuinely happy and at ease #but now im at the aunt who lives in the country and. bless her i love this aunt but i cant function here #the water is polluted and spending most of the vacation out here dried up my hair and skin badly. not to mention i havent been drinking #enough water because i can only safely drink bottled water which is expensive #and truly ive been trying to make the best of things but im trapped. i cant go anywhere. im always physically uncomfortable bc i #cant get used to living in the country like this. im surrounded by people who act friendly and sweet but still dont take no for an answer #whether it be forcing me to eat meat or like in the case of my baby cousin sticking to me bc i listen to her talk #and im scarred from being forced by my family out here to apologize to my mother (and they tried to get me to hug her) after SHE pulled a #knife on me and the aunt from cairo had to wrestle it out of her hand #i feel ill listening to cousins i looked up to as a kid talk about gay people and effeminate men the way they do #and i cant be at ease bc as a woman i have to act and dress in a way im not only used to but despise #ultimately ive had to mentally erase who i am and my needs so i can get through the day to day here #bc i cant go anywhere. i cant eat or dress how i like. i have limited access to things that bring comfort. i can barely communicate. #i have no privacy. and i have to act polite and happy no matter how i feel. and im physically ill from this heat #i cant even use the bathroom out here. no ready access to clean water either. i dont even have these basic things #and im trying to sleep but everyone is in this fucking room and the lights are on and theyre all chatting so i had to bury my face in my #sleeve and just quietly cry because im exhausted and there's nothing i can do about it but endure #i want to go home. i want to at least be back in cairo where i feel semi normal. #im sick and need to shower with warm. clean. water #i can't keep enduring nonstop daily discomfort on the most basic level. and i have no where to go #and i feel like a baby for complaining. but there is nothing for me here. and i can only survive here by pretending im not here and just #letting things happen BUT. im at my limit by now. #she pulled a fucking knife on me and then they made ME apologize. she was going to kill me. #im all alone. i want to go home. #plus everyone keeps touching me. i cant get any space. everyone keeps talking to me about marriage and kids and then getting upset when i #say no. i dont want that. i mean it. its not a joke. i dont want that. why wont they stop fucking bringing it up. why do they insist it's #wrong of me to want otherwise. barely have a glimpse of who i am and already im teetering on disdain from jokes that are actually serious

[ghostbustermelanieking]

jonmartin for 13? :)

i have absolutely no restraint and cannot write anything short im so sorry. this is a mag 102 au where martin finds out jon was kidnapped sooner. warning for discussion of this kidnapping as depicted in the episode, and the aftermath of recovering from this. also here on ao3.

13. things you said at the kitchen table

In the end, it's Melanie who tells Martin Jon's been kidnapped. Catches him in the break room, irritated and banging around the mugs, and she drops it into a sentence like it's something casual to be communicated. Oh yeah, Jon's back. Guess he's been kidnapped or something, and something sharp presses into Martin's chest, something like urgency. He's pushed his way out of his chair and halfway towards the door in a blind sort of franticness before Melanie catches him by the arm. "He's fine, you know," she says. "He looks… I mean, he doesn't look good, but he…"

"A month, " says Martin, feeling sick. "A month, he's been gone, and we… we didn't…"

"We didn't know, " Melanie says annoyedly, but there's a tiny pinprick of guilt in her voice, too. "He… he wasn't here before. You know that."

Right, Martin thinks, because you're probably the person he talked to most before he disappeared, and then he immediately feels guilty. Jon's been kidnapped, and he's… he's just… "Where is he?" he says, softer this time. (The bite's still in his voice, a little bit. He isn't sure who to be furious at, but it's hard not to be under the circumstances.) "Has… has he left?"

"Uh… no, I don't think so," says Melanie. "He… he said he was going to go lie down."

Martin knows, immediately, where he is, and he tries not to wince at it; he remembers sleeping there every night, scared out of his mind on that little cot, he doesn't know how Jon stands it. "I'm going to go check on him," he says. "I… he shouldn't… I'm going to go check."

Melanie lets go of his arm. "I think Elias knew," she says darkly. "Jon said it and he didn't even bat an eye. He knew, and he didn't tell us."

Something twists in Martin, something that he pushes aside—doesn't matter, not yet, all that matters right now is making sure Jon is all right. He nods a little, at Melanie, and then he pushes out of the break room and down towards the office. Tim is out for the day (not surprising), and Basira is reading at her desk; she doesn't look up when Martin comes through. Martin goes to the storage room where the cot is, where he knows it still is, and raps his knuckles quietly on the door frame before opening the door. 

Jon jumps, when Martin enters, in a way that instantly makes Martin shrink back with guilt. He's huddled on the cot, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders, and he looks awful. Thinner, hair shaggier than when Martin saw him last. He looks exhausted, leaning towards the wall like he needs it to hold him up, and his arms are wrapped around himself in a protective sort of way. "... Martin?" he says, voice thin, and Martin honestly can't tell if he's happy to see him or not. 

"... Hi," Martin says, honestly not sure what to say. (What do you say in a situation like this?)  He chews at his lower lip, reaching for what to say— Are you all right doesn't seem appropriate, when Jon is so clearly not, but it's what he comes up with, his voice shaking a little when he asks it. 

Jon laughs, bitter, and uncoils his arms from around himself, relaxing a little. "Honestly? Honestly, not really, Martin. I… it's been…" He lifts a hand to press against his forehead; his sleeves fall down and Martin winces, immediately, at the red marks on his wrist, where he must've been restrained. "It's… it's, uh, really good to see you, Martin," he adds, softly. 

Martin presses a hand to his mouth, just for a minute; he's torn, he doesn't want Jon to see him upset, not when he's… "Melanie… told me," he tries. "What you… and I didn't… Jon, I'm so sorry. We had no idea, I… I swear, if we'd known, we would've…" 

Jon sits up a little straighter, something flashing in his eyes. "Hey… hey, no, Martin, it's… i-it wasn't your fault, it's all right, it's… t-there was no way to find me, and I hadn't really been… around before then, and it…" He breaks off his words, clutching a little harder at the blanket. "... Elias didn't deem it worth telling anyone," he adds, with a wry laugh. 

Martin takes a few steps closer, trying his damndest not to fall apart (at the fact that Jon looks like this, that Jon's been gone a month, that Jon is somehow trying to comfort him when he's…). "You aren't… d-did they hurt you?" he asks, uncertain who they even are. 

Jon flinches a little, looks down at his feet. "No, n-not… not really. I… not, um…" He laughs a little again, a hollow sound. "I'm just so tired. "

Martin stops, a few feet away; he thinks about touching Jon, some sign of comfort, a hand on his shoulder or—but no, that wouldn't be—he can't do that, not when Jon's just been kidnapped, it's probably the last thing he wants, to be abruptly touched. He does what he can do, instead; he says, "Jon, d-do you have anywhere… er, there's a… there's a reason you're staying here, isn't there? Wh-what about your friend you were staying with, could you go back there?"

Jon immediately, vehemently shakes his head. "I-I can't go back. Not if, n-not after… th-they came there before, they found me there, and if I go back… I-I told Georgie I'd leave. I can't bring her into this. I can't. If they came back…" 

"Okay," says Martin. "Okay, that's…" He crouches a little, feeling awkward as he does it, but he can't shake this feeling of—of looming over Jon. "Y-you can't stay here, Jon. This cot is horrible, i-it's… it's not a place for recovery, it's…"

"I'm going to find a place," Jon says softly. "I just… I need to sleep. First." 

"You shouldn't stay here, though," says Martin, "not after… you need a bed, a real bed, Jon. I…" He stops, halfway considers for a second. Starts again, because what else is he going to do? "C-come stay with me."

Jon looks up, shocked, but he doesn't immediately protest, so Martin continues: "Sleep on a real bed, recover, j-just until you're… I mean, my bed isn't great, but it's better than a cot, especially after…" He stops. He doesn't know what to say. "Just… you deserve something better than that, right now," he tries. 

Jon shakes his head, just a little. "Martin, I can't. I… i-if they came for me again, then you would…"

"I don't care," Martin says, firmer this time. (If Jon doesn't want to come back with him, fine, but he won't let that be the reason.)

"Martin, i-if anything were to happen, i-if you got caught in the crosshairs, I'd…"

"Really, Jon, I don't care. I'm not going to let them take you again, so you can put that thought out of your mind." Martin adjusts his position—it's uncomfortable, squatting like this, but making sure Jon feels safe is more important. (If it's even helping at all.) "You said you didn't want to put your friend in danger because she's out of this, right? Well—I'm in this. Pretty far into it, at this point, there's no getting out of it. So it doesn't matter. Okay?"

Jon worries at the edge of the blanket with his overlong nails. "... I… wouldn't want to impose…"

"You're not, Jon. I'm offering." Jon's still quiet. Martin shifts back into a standing position, because it really is uncomfortable, going slow; he adds, "It's the least I can do. Please."

Jon's hands are shaking. Martin can see it, now, and it's hard to watch; he's pushed a lot of fury back, just watching Jon now, still without any idea what's happened. "A—all right," Jon says quietly, finally, and his voice is thick, like he might cry. "Okay. Thank you. Thank you, Martin." And Martin feels a flood of relief at this, that Jon might be, at least, somewhat safe in his flat. 

---

They take a cab home. The Tube seems like it would be a lot. Jon really is exhausted, huddled up in an old coat despite the warm weather, leaning against the window in the back of the car. Martin shows him the bath and the bedroom, when they get home, says, "Let me know if you need anything," and leaves him alone. It feels like the right thing to do.

Martin stays in the living room. The anger begins to rise to the surface, then, coming out in bursts of nervous pacing and muttering (quietly, of course; he's had lots of practice with that, with Mum). He's furious at whoever took Jon (he isn't sure who, but he has a sneaking suspicion it's connected to the Unknowing), more furious at Elias for not telling them. He's going to say something this time, he thinks—march up there and give Elias a piece of his mind, or, or draft a furious email—and Martin has to stop there because it's all starting to sound ridiculous. He's going to say something now? He didn't say something when they found out Sasha died, when Elias told them that they were all trapped, but he's going to say something now? It sounds ridiculous, it does, and what would saying something do? Jon's back now, more or less safe, and there's nothing he can do now—no charging, triumphant rescues, nothing like that, all he can do is offer Jon his bathroom, somewhere safe to sleep. Shouting at Elias won't do a thing. 

(Martin wants to do something. He should've said something for Sasha, and he thinks he'll regret that forever, but if he couldn't then… well, he wants to have the courage to say something for Jon. But he doesn't. For some horrible reason, he can't.)

Jon sleeps for over fifteen hours, all afternoon and into the night. Martin sleeps on the couch. (He goes into the room to get the extra blanket and a change of clothes, and for a moment, he worries he'll wake Jon, but he must be quiet enough. Jon doesn't wake; he makes a strained sound in his sleep and turns over, curling in protectively on himself, but he doesn't wake up. Martin wants to go over there, kneel by the bed and hold Jon's hand, climb into bed and hold Jon and make sure he isn't hurt again. He doesn't. He doesn't have that with Jon, and now isn't the time, he can't scare Jon, make him uncomfortable, he has to leave Jon alone.) Jon's still asleep when Martin wakes hours later, tangled in his blanket on the couch, restless and on alert. He stares at the front door, tensing like he expects someone to come in (someone coming back for Jon), but nothing does. The apartment stays quiet. 

Martin gets up to make tea. It's still early, still dark outside, but he can't go back to sleep, he can't relax. He puts on the kettle and sits at the table, opens a packet of biscuits to munch on absently. Something to do. Something to do besides sit and think. 

The door creaks, abruptly, and Martin's head shoots up to see Jon, leaving the bedroom, looking dwarfed in one of Martin's rumpled jumpers. He looks at Martin with a tired sort of tentativeness and says, "Hi," softly.

"Hi, Jon," says Martin, his own voice too soft. "How… how did you sleep?"

Jon rubs at his throat, an absent sort of motion, and pads across the floor to the table. "I… well, actually. Very well. Best… best sleep I've had in a month." 

Martin's heart breaks a little, and he pretends it doesn't. Jon motions to the empty chair beside him and says,  "Do you mind if I…"

"No, no, of course not," says Martin quickly. "... D'you want some tea?"

A funny look passes over Jon's face as he sits and he says, "Yes. Yes, I… tea sounds amazing, Martin."

Martin gets up to get out another mug, to get out the milk and sugar. "I can make you something to eat, too," he says, and immediately feels horrible for not suggesting it earlier. (He doesn't want to speculate about when Jon's last eaten.) " Christ, why didn't I… I'm so sorry, Jon, you must be starving. I should've…"

"Don't, Martin, it's… I-I'm fine," says Jon. "Honestly, I… I-I can eat in a little bit, I'm not really hungry."

Martin bites his lower lip too hard and grimaces at the sudden burst of pain. "Okay," he murmurs. "Just… let me know when you're ready."

"I will," says Jon. 

There's silence for a few moments aside from Martin puttering around the tiny kitchen. It feels strangely domestic in a way that Martin isn't used to; he hasn't lived with anyone since Mum. He and Jon have shared meals before—they did it often, before Jon went on the run because they'd thought he was a murderer—and Martin's made him tea a dozen times, but it's never like… this. Quiet and natural, like they've done it a dozen times. Jon's staring down at the table, tracing a pattern cut into the top with an absent finger; he's shivering, in his chair, and Martin makes a mental note to turn on the heat. And then the kettle goes off, a sharp sound in the silent room, and Jon's jumping, jolting nearly out of his chair with huge, panicked eyes. 

"Sorry, sorry!" Martin says in a rush, reaching to yank the kettle off the eye. "Sorry—I-I forgot it was there."

"I-i-it's all right," Jon says. He's tensed against the table, his palms pressed to the top, like he's waiting for a bomb to go off, but he looks at Martin and he says, "Just a… little on edge, b-but really, it's fine."

Martin's chest aches as he fixes the tea. All of him aches, a guilt he can't really put his finger on—he didn't notice Jon was gone, he couldn't go after him, and now he can't even get to the kettle quick enough to keep from scaring Jon out of his wits. He doesn't say anything, though, besides another murmured, "Sorry," as he passes Jon the mug, and sits back down beside him. 

Jon holds onto the mug with both hands, like he expects to be pulled away, inhales a bit before taking a drink. "I've… missed your tea, Martin," he says quietly, stiltedly, like it's difficult to say. "All this time." 

Martin blinks in genuine surprise at that—all this time, and he's wondered before if Jon was just tolerating the daily cups. "You're joking," he says with disbelief. 

"I'm not," says Jon—and it's stunningly familiar, that tone of voice. He smiles a little down into the mug. "Haven't had a decent cup since February—Georgie's a coffee drinker."

"The audacity, " Martin snorts, theatrically, some small attempt to keep Jon smiling like that. 

"Yes, well—that's what I told her," says Jon, still with that halfway smile. He looks up at Martin abruptly, and something shifts on his face, almost—almost guilt of his own, which makes no sense. He says, "Martin, I've… I've taken your bed, haven't I? You… you should've said something."

"No, I shouldn't have, and I won't," says Martin firmly. "I didn't bring you here to sleep on the couch, Jon, for god's sake. The bed is yours."

"Sleeping on a couch won't kill me, Martin—"

"And it won't kill me either. You're not talking me out of this, Jon."

"A couch would be an improvement over that cot— anything would be. I shouldn't have…" That same look passes over Jon's face: that something resembling guilt. "I should never have made you stay there," he nearly whispers. "For months on that cot, after what you'd…"

"Jon, don't," Martin says, and he reaches out suddenly, to cover Jon's hand where it lays on the table. Jon looks up at that, as if he's startled, and Martin yanks his hand back, but he doesn't bring it too far; he leaves it there, hovering just above Jon's. " Don't ," he says. "I-it was a long time ago, and it was… I didn't mind staying there, I wasn't… you gave me a way out, and I-I appreciated that. I still do, Jon. So don't, please. Don't beat yourself up over that."

"I should've offered you better," says Jon, something like disgust in his tone. "I should've… there are so many things I should've done better."

Well—he isn't wrong, Martin thinks, but—but there's a dozen things they both should've done better, and now isn't the time to discuss them all, so Martin just says, "Don't," again. "Please. You don't have to… it's okay. It is. " And after a moment, Jon nods. He hasn't moved his hand away, but Martin feels odd, leaving his hovering there, so he just pulls it back.

They drink tea in silence for a few minutes. It's a pleasant silence, one that, under different circumstances, Martin might allow himself to hope for every day. It's several long moments before Jon speaks again, his voice rasping and small—he says, "It was the Circus. That took me. T-the one we've been looking for, planning the ritual. They'd… they planned it, they were watching me and they came."

Martin tries not to flinch, tries to ignore what feels like his insides grinding themselves together. Jon keeps talking after a moment; he says, "They… they wanted my skin. For the ritual. They… kept me for that, so they could… skin me. They were waiting for that."

Martin can't stop the words this time, when they push their way out; he says, "Oh, Christ, " like air being pushed out of him, like a sucker punch. He says, "Jon…" and his voice breaks, too, and something inside of him rips when Jon looks back at him, when he looks as if he might cry. 

"Um, Martin," he says, and he inclines his head tentatively towards Martin. "Do you mind… um, if I…"

His arms go out to the side a bit, and it's then that Martin realizes what Jon's asking for. He nods, immediately, and opens his arms, and Jon leans forward and into him so quickly that Martin wonders if he was waiting. 

Martin folds his arms around Jon gently, tentatively (one hand cupping the back of his head); he wants to cling, wants to hold Jon tight enough that nothing else would be able to take him, but he's afraid to hold on too tight. Jon, though, clings hard, his grip tight, his fingers digging desperately into the back of Martin's shirt. So Martin tightens his grip, and leans his head against Jon's, and lets Jon expel shaky breaths into his shoulder. He rubs tiny circles into Jon's back, murmurs, It's okay, it's okay now, and desperately wills it to be true. 

Minutes or hours later—it is impossible to be sure—Jon whispers, "Thank you," into Martin's shirt. He whispers it with a sort of finalty, but he makes no move to pull back. So Martin keeps holding him. 

"Jon… I'm so sorry," he says softly. "I'm so sorry. I… i-if I'd known. I swear, I would've come for you if I'd known." 

Jon takes another shuddering breath and looks up at him. His eyes are wet. There's something in his expression Martin can't quite place… reassurance, maybe. Or trust. "I know," he says. "Martin, I-I know you would've. I know." 

They sit there for a while longer, just like that, holding onto each other at Martin's kitchen table. 

#i have no idea what this is lol it just came to me. apparently i will never stop trying to write fic remedying 101 lol #tma fic #jonmartin #the magnus archives #i wrote this #kidnapping tw

[goldentsum]

━ the bitterness of falling in love

PAIRING: bokuto x reader

GENRE: angst, smut

SUMMARY: 𝙗𝙤𝙠𝙪𝙩𝙤 𝙠𝙤𝙪𝙩𝙖𝙧𝙤𝙪 is someone who wears his heart on his sleeves and someone who loves too much even if the other person doesn’t deserves it. when he falls in love with the infamous l/n y/n who’s known to leave people crying, he took his chance and put his heart on the line.

ALTERNATIVE SUMMARY: “hearts are made to be broken, kou.”  “if it is then i wouldn’t mind, (y/n). it’s okay if you break my heart.”

WORDCOUNT: 4.6k

TAGS: toxic behavior, smut, angst, fuck buddies, obsessive themes, manipulative tendencies, praising, sub-ish! bokuto, asshole! reader, riding, unprotected sex, oral (fem receiving with a little of male receiving too), bokuto loves you too much...

WARNING: do not proceed if you are easily triggered. do not romanticize this behavior. this type of relationship is toxic and should not be viewed as normal. also, WRAP IT BEFORE YOU TAP IT!

AUTHOR’S NOTE: this turned long tf? okay... sinful and messy with angst just how we like it huee~ i hope you liked this fuck-girl spin off~ <3 

Bokuto knows that he shouldn’t love too much, he knows but he can’t really help it. He just pours so much emotion to everything he does and it’s both his strength and weakness. People can take advantage of that, he knows. Bokuto may wear his heart on his sleeves but he’s not an idiot as much as people like to think and just he doesn’t mind. He doesn’t mind that people can take advantage of him, he just wants to share his love and emotions with others.

“Bokuto- san, are you getting the hang of the new quick?” Hinata asked, drinking his water as they finished their practice. Bokuto looked at the shorter male, a wide toothy grin on his face, and huffed his chest in confidence. 

“Of course, Hinata! I’m Bokuto Koutarou, your senpai, after all!” He boasted while Atsumu and Sakusa watched the scene in the corner. 

“Geez, talk about ego.” Atsumu commented, wiping his sweat off. Sakusa scoffed at Atsumu’s words and walked away but not without saying, “You’re one to talk, Miya.” 

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean, Omi!” 

Bokuto and Hinata watched Atsumu chase after Sakusa with his sweaty small face towel while the latter cringed in disgust. Bokuto then ignored them, turning to Hinata with a grin. 

“Neh, Hinata~ Tell coach I’ll go on first, okay~ I have to meet up with someone,” Bokuto said, a small tint of blush on his face. Hinata looked at him for a moment with confusion but nodded. Once the shorter male responded, Bokuto thanked him and raced to his things, packing up and went straight for the door with a loud goodbye. 

“What’s wrong with ‘im?” Atsumu asked, stopping next to Hinata and draped an arm on the shorter male’s head. 

“I don’t know but Bokuto-san looks happy” 

Bokuto hurried his way to his girlfriend’s apartment, oh he meant his friend with benefits... He doesn’t like this arrangement, not one bit. but if this is the only way he can be close to you then he’ll take it. He’ll take any chances just to be close to you even if it means that he’ll end up hurting. 

The tall sweaty male was breathing heavily when he arrived at your apartment but his smile was unwavering, happy that after these past few days he could be with you again. 

Bokuto raised his hand to ring your doorbell but the door suddenly opened, surprising him. His smile slowly dropped when he saw that it wasn’t you but an unknown male exiting your apartment. 

“Oh, sorry dude.” The unknown male muttered then walked on his way out, letting Bokuto hold the door open. Wide golden eyes trained on the unknown male, observing him. He had curly brown hair, pale-ish skin, tall and lanky with a black outfit on. He was the complete opposite of Bokuto.

Bokuto ignored the voices in his head, trying to shake off the negative thoughts that started to corrupt his mind. His whole cheerful mood slowly diminished, he lowered his head while his thoughts ran like crazy. But he ignored it, he cleared his throat and widened his wobbly smile, picking his head back.

He walked in your apartment, calling out to you. “(Y/n)? I’m here! Are you still up for some food or did you change your mind?” 

You yawned and went to your kitchen where you saw Bokuto in your hallway, removing his shoes with his usual smile. Your mind started working again and your brows furrowed in thought, rubbing your nape

“Oh shit... That was today?” You muttered, your fingers pinching your nose bridge in slight annoyance. Bokuto’s smile faltered, his once shining eyes began to dim, but once again he covered it up. 

“It’s okay, (Y/n)-chan! We can reschedule if you want!” He suggested, stopping his movements to remove his other shoe. Bokuto straightened up when you looked over to him and he showed you his grin as if telling you it is alright. 

You sighed and shook your head, “Nah, it’s okay. I’ll change.” You answered after a while. Your tone was cold and it was as if you were gonna do something you didn’t want to do but was roped into. Your disinterested figure disappeared into your bedroom, leaving Bokuto alone. 

Bokuto finished removing his other shoe in silence, his teeth biting his lower lip. He left like shit. Like some trash  to make someone act like hanging out with him was a chore and like he was wasting their time. If it was anyone else, they can shove their opinion about him up their ass but yours was something far more valuable than anything in the world.  

He finished removing his shoes and walked in your kitchen, grabbing a glass to fill it up with water. He even forgot to change his clothes and fill his water bottle because of how fast he raced to you. 

“(Y/n), can I change my clothes in your bathroom?” Bokuto asked, going through his bag after he drank water and put the glass in your sink. 

“Yeah whatever” He heard your quiet response in your bedroom. He pursed his lips and went to the bathroom to change. The bathroom smelt like you. Your shampoo and body-wash filled the small room. Bokuto smiled at the familiar scent and started changing his clothes. 

When he finished, he looked in the mirror. Bokuto observed himself. Now, he wasn’t one to be cocky but people always said that he was handsome and the ‘perfect’ man or whatever that meant but why? Why don’t you think that-? 

He tried everything just to catch your attention but nothing got you. He tried to mold himself into your ideal type from what he heard about you. He changed his wardrobe, his hair (once), and even his personality a bit. When you told him that you hate childish people who whine about things, he suppressed everything in him to not be whiny and annoy you. Bokuto wanted to be mature for you. Just for you.

“Oy, Koutarou. Why are you taking so long? You died in there or something?” Your voice was a bit muffled on the other side of the door. Bokuto snapped out of his train of thoughts and smiled at the door. 

“’Course not! You wouldn’t get rid of me that easily, (Y/n)!” He said, going out of the bathroom and stood face to face with you. You looked at Bokuto from head to toe and nodded in approval with a small smile. 

“You clean up nice, Kou” 

Bokuto beamed at the compliment also noticing that your mood had gotten better than before. He giggled softly, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and nuzzled his face on top of your head.

“I’m glad... It’s all for you...” He whispered lovingly. Bokuto felt you tense a bit and you started to move away from him. He pouted at that but released you, knowing that it might dampen your mood again if he became clingy right now.

“Yeah yeah. Let’s go then, lover boy.” You said, clearing your throat as you dismissed his words. Bokuto smiled sadly at you and you felt his eyes on you but you didn’t look at him, going to the door to wear your shoes with Bokuto following you like a lost puppy. 

He sighed a bit, his small disheartened smile on his lips while he followed your actions. 

This is okay... I’m happy just to be with her...

Bokuto’s and your ‘relationship’ continued with the former reminding himself that the situation can’t get better and that is his only shot with you. It was okay that he was hurting, at least he can be with the one he loves, right? 

Though his mood was noticeable, the Black Jackals saw that there was something wrong going on. His fake smile was getting too easy to read, his shaky smile present in his face as  he tried to put on his usual dazzling smile. Eyebags surround his exhausted golden eyes. Bokuto was slowly losing sleep with all his thoughts these past few days.

“Bokuto-san? A-Are you okay?” Hinata quietly asked the dazed male who looked at empty space. Bokuto looked at him with a tight weary smile and nodded, “Y-Yeah... I’m just tired, Hinata” 

“I think you should get some sleep, Bokuto-san...” Bokuto chuckled a bit at the younger’s words and nodded once again, “I will after practice don’t worry” 

he lied

Bokuto slept for about 30 minutes but woke up after a dreamless sleep. He groaned when he looked at the clock, the ticking was getting on his nerves. 

3 am 

And then a small ding came, his tired eyes widened in eagerness and a grin crept up on his face as he opened the text.

𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦: 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐬 (𝐲/𝐧) 🥺

If it was 3 am then maybe you would text him again for him to come over. This was your usual time where you ring his cell up, even though he was dead tired, the thought of you hitting him up and telling him that you need him was making his heart flutter. A smile started to fill up his lips unconsciously.

Bokuto got his phone and scrolled through his inbox, checking if you texted him already. He refreshed continuously as if it would make your awaited text come faster.

[₃:₂₁ ₐₘ]: 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳, 𝘬𝘰𝘶. 𝘪’𝘮 𝘣𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘥

Your text message was fucking dry as ever but did Bokuto cared? no. He only cared that you texted him after another week without any trace of you. He was just happy that you finally texted him after a while, emotions clouding his judgement once again.

Bokuto sat up and texted you back quickly, confirming that he will go to you asap. After that, he threw his phone on the bed and freshened up. Going to his closet, he picked a black tee and jeans and sprayed a bit of cologne that he knows you liked. He got his phone, keys, and wallet and he was off to you. A lovesick smile on his face.

He arrived at your apartment in a jiffy, excited to see you, and rang your doorbell. Bouncing a bit on his feet while he waited for you. When the door opened, he saw wearing a short bodycon black sweater exposing your legs and neck with a bit of your collarbones. 

“Well, that was fast. A new record, Kou” You teased with a small smirk. Bokuto became putty at the sound of your voice and seeing you in front of him after loathing in self-pity and depreciating, it was like an elephant removed one of its feet on his chest.

Bokuto missed you so much and you’re so gorgeous, it hurts him. He just couldn’t control himself as he gulped, waking closer to you and hugged you tight in his chest, snuggling his face in the crook of your neck, inhaling your sweet scent. your sweet scent made his head dizzy, letting you and your scent engulf his whole being. 

“I missed you so much, (Y/n)... You don’t know how much I miss you” He muttered on top of your head as he walked you two in the apartment while his one hand closed the door. Bokuto hurriedly removed his shoes with his feet and pressed you against the wall. He started to kiss up and down your throat, teeth grazing the soft skin on your neck. Your cold hands went up to his messy hair, nails scratching his scalp sending shivers down his spine while you disregard his words.

“You drive me crazy, (Y/n)...” Bokuto continued, now against your neck, body pressed against yours. The feeling of the cold wall on your back and Bokuto’s warm body was slowly getting to you. You raised your leg up to his hip and pulled him closer to you. You felt his semi hard-on through his jeans as Bokuto pressed himself in your heat, slowly grinding up to you. 

“Shit, Kou... You feel so good” You let your lips touch his ear, your hot breath against the sensitive skin. Bokuto whined a bit at your teasing, your hands descending to feel his muscular chest, nails trailing on his clothed chest. 

He leaned away from your bruised neck to look at you, wild dilated eyes staring straight into you. You smirked up at him, fluttering your lashes so prettily and hooked your finger in his belt hoops, pulling him again to you. The action made your pressed groins to have some friction. 

Bokuto's eyes fluttered shut and lips parted slightly at the small pleasure, you smirked at his reaction. His reaction will always be your favorite. He was just too easy to play with, just a wag of your finger, he's gonna be looking at you with utmost admiration like a loyal mutt and that’s why you kept him longer than most of your other arrangements.

You captured his lips in a hot kiss, your tongue going inside his mouth without permission though the small thrust of his hips indicated that he’s not really complaining. His warm hands went to your thighs, gripping you in a tight hold and carried you with ease, letting you wrap your thighs around his hips. Your arms wrapping around his neck, tongue working in a frenzy motion, wet, sloppy, and messy. so messy. 

Bokuto carried you to the bedroom, careful of his movement to not bump into any furniture. He laid you down in the plush bed, muscular body covering yours. His hands wandered and went in your sweater, caressing your upper thighs. 

You released his lips, looking at him. Lips, red and swollen and so wet. Half-lidded dark golden eyes staring at you, switching from your eyes to your red lips. Despite the tense sexual atmosphere around you two, he placed a soft kiss on your cheek which surprised you.

You looked at him with confusion but Bokuto only smiled at you and then proceeded to kiss down your throat, to your collarbones and then knelt on the floor. 

Bokuto kissed your plush thighs lovingly, hands moving to let your legs so he can rest it on his shoulders. Your eyes met when he looked up at you, he once again smiled at you. 

“I’ll take care of you, (y/n)” He said tenderly, a sweet smile on his lips. Rough hands pushed your sweater up, bunching it up on your upper stomach. Golden eyes admired the sight in front of him. Soft skin presented to him, cute and soft thighs loosely wrapped around his head and your pussy covered by a pair of dainty red panties.

Bokuto reached up, caressing your covered pussy with the back of his fingers and felt the wet cloth on his skin. A small curse escaped him when he saw you sighed and your eyes fluttered close. He moved closer to your cunt, feeling your heat. His tongue peaked out and licked a long stripe on your covered cunt, dampening your panties with his saliva and your essence. He continued to lick you through the thin cloth. With his tongue pointy, he circled your clit gently. Your hand went straight to his hair, pulling him closer to you. 

The two-toned haired male sucked you through your panties, tasting you a bit. Releasing your clothed cunt, he looked at the darkened patch on your underwear, courtesy of his spit and your wetness. 

Impatiently, he removed your panties and quickly settled back in his position after helping you remove it. He looked at your pussy, admiring it, licking his lips, wanting to eat you more than ever. You sighed impatiently when nothing happened for a moment.

“Koutarou just fucking eat me out already” You groaned, grumpy, and jerked your hips to get him to start. Bokuto smiled at your actions and flattened his tongue, tasting you fully. He moaned at your taste and like a starved man, he ate you out like you’re his last meal. 

Tongue flicked your clit so expertly making your thighs slightly closed instinctively around his head but that only encouraged Bokuto, who now started to eat you out more aggressively. Your breath quickened at his actions, grinding on his tongue as it rubbed your bundle of nerves. He then inserted his tongue in you, thrusting and licking your velvety walls.

He released his grip from your thighs as one hand went to fondle puffy your clit while his tongue fucked into you. His tongue slick in your warmth and you pressed your pussy on his tongue to get him deeper. Pushing his face closer, you could feel him nudging you faster to your climax. With steady thrusting of his tongue and the rough rubs he gave your clit, your orgasm washed over you. 

“F-Fuck--!”

You started to jerk into his hold, moaning loudly and grinding your heat in his mouth. Bokuto lets you ride your high, licking you up happily and slurping up your juice. The wet noises so lewd and erotic in the the quiet room.

His other hand went south to palm his hard cock. Noticing this, you stopped his movements which confused Bokuto. He leaned away from your pussy, mouth dripping with your juice and his spit and his breath heavy from all the excitement. 

“W-What’s wrong, baby?” 

You ignored his words and pulled him up, laying him in the bed, sitting on top of his groin. Bokuto gasped in surprise at your action while you hissed at the sensitivity that coursed through your body but that didn’t stop you. The male also makes no movements to stop you, ready to satisfy you and wanting nothing more than to gain your praises. Whatever you want, he would deliver with no error. 

Lust filled eyes followed your figure as you copied his movements earlier, settling between his thick thighs. You unbuttoned his jeans, sliding it off roughly while Bokuto watched you, biting his lip, his body jerking at your rough actions. 

Once you got the pesky pants off his body, you admired the thick outline of his hard cock in his boxers. You let your hand drift and started rubbing him through the cloth. Bokuto closed his eyes at the pleasure, his dick was so hard that it really hurts and your soft touch was making him light-headed. 

Pulling his boxers off, his dick was fully exposed and was standing tall against his stomach, a large vein running down his length and his head flushed red and was leaking so much precum. You leaned closer and put small kitty licks on the engorged head of his cock, tasting him. Bokuto gulped at the sight of you, red hot blush on his cheeks. You looked so beautiful like this. 

“Baby.. Please fuck me..” He panted out, breathing heavily. You smirked up at him, eyes locking. “Since you asked so nicely, how can I deny you, Kou~” You purred, crawling up to take a seat on top of him once again, your pussy rubbing against his hard cock. 

“Shit, you feel so good-” Bokuto muttered, warm hands going to your hips, holding you tight. Your own hands hastily took off his tee, wanting to see his muscular chest. 

“You look so sexy like this, Kou” You praised, kissing on one of his pecs while you caressed the other, admiring the gorgeous muscles. Bokuto’s lips parted at your praises, hips grinding up at your wet cunt.

You could feel his dick twitching against you making you smile, “You’re really big on praises huh, baby boy?” 

“F-Fuck, yes--” 

Bokuto’s brows furrowed when you matched his grinding, doubling the pleasure he felt. His grip on your hips tightened, looking at your pussy that was moving against his dick. 

“You remembered to bring a condom this time, right Kou?” He freezes at that, looking up with alarmed eyes. You sighed at that, knowing that he forgot again but you were too horny right now and he looks so good under you. 

“Fuck it, just fuck me raw baby. I’m on my pill anyway” You muttered, kissing his ear, your tongue traced the shell slowly. Bokuto groaned at your words, feeling really impatient now. He lifted you up a bit to line this dick on your entrance, feeling your wet folds on his sensitive head. Bokuto hid his face on your neck, kissing the bruised skin. He didn’t move after that though, knowing that you were in control right now, not him. You smirked when Bokuto made no other move, mumbling a small praise because he remembered your ‘rules’.

You steadied yourself and slowly sunk down on his thick length, you two moaning in unison at the feeling. You forgot just how big Bokuto was, the sting was always there but god you loved it so much. 

Bokuto groans when your wet tight cunt wrapped around him so deliciously. Your soft walls encasing his cock, clenching around him. When he was fully inside you, you winced a bit at the pain and pleasure as his tip nudged your cervix slightly.

Your movements were slow at the beginning, trying to ease the sting but Bokuto didn’t mind and just enjoyed your slow build up, mouth open slightly with his eyes closed and brows furrowed in concentration. 

Watching his face, you quickened your pace when the sudden pleasure hit you, shivers running down your spine. The change of pace made Bokuto open his eyes in shock, mouth open into a silent gasp. He let his eyes travel your body, watching you, and one of his hands went up to your breast and thumbed the pebbled nipple. 

Your hand covered Bokuto’s and you squeezed your breast, your bouncing never faltering with the male’s other hand supporting you. His fat cock hitting your g-spot perfectly with every bounce you did, your release coming closer than you expected. You chased your pleasure, ignoring Bokuto’s but fuck with the way you were riding him like he was a toy for your own pleasure was getting him closer to his high as well. Your wet pussy sliding on his cock, feeling your tight walls sucking his cock again and again as you ride him.

You let your other hand rest on his chest for leverage, swirling your hips on Bokuto’s dick. Bokuto’s fingers went to your neglected swollen clit, rubbing fast circles making you gasp in surprise and pleasure, looking at him with wide lustful eyes. 

“S-Shit, just like that baby... You make me feel so good, Kou--” You whispered, riding him faster and the added clit stimulation Bokuto gave you pushed you off the edge, the coil in your stomach snapped and your orgasm washed over your entire being for the second time. You moaned his name, praising him again and again which encouraged Bokuto’s actions to speed up even more.

Bokuto groaned when you clenched around his cock tightly and taking your hips in on his hold, thrusting up into you vigorously, chasing his own orgasm and letting you ride your own. 

With a few sharp pumps, he spilled his load in you, his cum coated your velvety walls with white ropes. “S-Shit, (Y/n)!” You grabbed his face and placed a hard sloppy kiss on his lips, Bokuto groaning on your lips while his hips still moved frantically to ride his high. Tongue swirling with each other, caressing in a frenzy motion.

When his high slowly died down and his thrust came to a stop, you released him from the kiss and slumped on his chest, tired. Bokuto wrapped his arm around your waist, pressing you in his sweaty body. You groaned in discomfort of the heat and sweat but decided to just let Bokuto be. 

Silence surrounded you when your harsh uneven breaths died down, the cold air nipping against your skin. Bokuto runs his hand on your back, drawing circles on your skin. 

This only really happened with Bokuto, your other friend with benefits never stayed long in your apartment. You always kicked them out right after sex but you guess, Bokuto was a bit special... but it doesn’t mean that you like him or anything. He was just fun to play with, yeah that’s it. 

“(Y/n)? You awake?” Bokuto’s unusual soft voice called out. You hummed against his chest but didn’t pick your head up, feeling lazy and tired. 

“Can... Can I ask a question?” 

“You already did though.” 

Bokuto chuckled nervously at your response making you leaned away a bit to look up at him. His golden eyes shone under your soft fluorescent lamp.

“Why do you-- do you like this type of arrangement?” He finally asked after a while of contemplating. You raised a brow at his question, “Why? Do you have a problem with it? If you have, you can always get-” 

Bokuto shook his head frantically, not letting you finish your words, “N-No, that’s not what I meant! Just why in general, of course!” 

You hummed once again, scanning his expression before continuing, “Love is shit, that’s why. It’s fake and make people believe in it and when they’re in too deep, it shows it’s real colors and hurt you”

Bokuto’s eyes softened at your words, he never thought about that. Who hurt you this bad that they made you lose faith in love? 

“Love is beautiful though. Yes, it might not be perfect but it’s beautiful” Bokuto answered back more softly, tucking a loose strand of your hair on your ear with a loving smile on his face while he admired you. 

Your heart slowly beat at his actions, looking at Bokuto with uncertainty but you shook your head, getting rid of your thoughts and scoffed. 

“Hearts are made to be broken, Kou” 

Bokuto’s eyebrows curled in sadness, eyes soft and the fingers that traced your skin stopped for a moment,  “if it is then i wouldn’t mind, (y/n). it’s okay if you break my heart.”

Your heart crumpled in guilt at his selfless words for once and you shook your head in disbelief, chuckling fakely, “You’re an idiot, Kou. Don’t do that to yourself”

The two-tone haired male continued to trace your features with sad eyes, a small bittersweet smile on his face as if he accepted it already, “if it means that I can be with you, I’ll do anything, (y/n).”

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu headcanon #haikyuu scenario #haikyuu smut #haikyuu angst #haikyuu x reader smut #bokuto koutarou #bokuto x reader #bokuto koutarou smut #bokuto koutarou angst #bokuto koutarou x reader #bokuto smut #bokuto angst #haikyuu masterlist

[blueunoia]

❤ ──── ·․ under watchful eyes (pt. 4)

━━━   SYNOPSIS: the russell family face tragedy.

━━━  WARNINGS: suicide, crying, allusion to sexual assault 

━━━  NOTES: Sorry for the long wait, school has been stressing me. Please heed the warning, I allude or mentioned the suicide a few times so if your sensitive to that, becareful. 

━━━  WORD COUNT: 2,170

✦·․  ──── ❤ ──── ·․·✦·․·✦·․ ──── ❤ ──── ·․·✦·․·✦·․  ❤ ․·✦·․·✦·․· ──── ❤ ──── ·․·✦·․·✦·․ ──── ❤ ────  ․·✦

    It was raining in Coal Creek. Not just on the land, but on a family in the small town. The Russell family had never felt such a fitting tone. Together they all surrounded a grave. It was just them, no preacher, no friends - just the now one size smaller family. 

       Y/N clutches Arvin's arm tightly, letting a few tears slip as she felt his arm flex under his grip. One look at him and anyone, whether or not they knew the stern boy, could tell that he was trying not to fall apart. Trying to be a man like he was raised to be. His grandmother kept a firm grasp on the tissues in her hand. The girls were dressed in black dresses and the boys in their usual shirts and slack pants.

"Lord... there are just some things we can't understand," the grandmother said weakly. "You take her into your arms..."

"There ain't even somebody sayin' prayers."

Arvin looks over at you and then to the ground, sniffling. Turning your head to face him, you nuzzle your nose into his cheek in the hope to console him. Arvin was never the 'talk about my feelings' type.

        Arvin unwraps his entangled arm from yours, taking a few steps forward and grabbing his grandma. After saying a few more words, you all left, walking back without Lenora's soft voice that had been lost from your lives for just a few days. It felt like you were waiting for it. To hear her again, to feel her presence, but then nothing came. During the car ride that felt like an eternity, you couldn't help but wonder. 

       How did this happen?

Two weeks earlier.

       "Is Lenora feeling any better?" you ask Arvin as the two of you eat lunch in the cafeteria. Lenora hadn't come into school for the second time this month. At first, you and Arvin just figured she had a twenty-four-hour bug, then the flu, but then it went away, and now it's come back. No one else in the Russell family had gotten sick - so all you are now is confused.

"No," Arvin says somberly. He shakes his head and pushes the food around on his plate, "I don't know what's wrong with 'er. She's been in bed off and on all week." 

You put your hand on his back, not even realizing it, and rub it softly. You sigh, "Maybe Lenora should go to the doctor again?" Arvin shrugs. A fight across the room catches the two of your attention, but the teachers soon swarm the fighters. Turning back to him, you smile wide "My momma said she'd take me to look at dresses this week."

Arvin perks up immediately. "Really?" he asks happily. He smiles, one of his rare ones, and the look in his eyes makes your heart swell. 

You laugh, "Yes," you tell him. "We're going to go to Parkersburg. There's a little shop that my mom got 'er holiday dress from; I always thought it was gorgeous."

Arvin grabs your hand, "Hopefully, Lenora feels better by then. She misses you." 

"How 'bout I come over later? I could do her makeup and just cheer 'er up."

"I can drive you over before I 'gotta go to work," Arvin suggests, "I don't mind." You nod to Arvin, and then the lunch bell rings, quickly you turn to him and press your lips to his cheek. He starts to get red as he laughs a little as you dart away from him. 

Arvin drives you to his house after school. You called your mom before, and she was, surprisingly, okay with it.  So you went inside the home. Lenora lit up when she saw you. She hadn't seen anyone for a while because of sickness, and she was thrilled to ask you questions about the wedding. 

"Do you guys' know when your gonna have it?" she asked, probably her twentieth question. 

"No, not yet," you let out a little laugh. "We haven't planned it much. I mean, we don't have any money so we can't do much. Plus, you know Arvin, he's more a simple kind of guy. I thought we'd have the reception at the church, invite my family from out of town. Then we'd go up to that old hall they have just out of town, the one they have the school dances at - and we'd have the reception there."

Lenora nods, making you pull her hair as you braid it. "That sounds nice," she sounds like she's dreaming. "I can't wait to be married. I can't wait to be in love... I thought I was," she mumbles the last part. 

You perk up, turning your head, you lean down, "Lenora Irene Lafayette! Did you just say you thought you were in love with a boy?" 

She laughs nervously, "No! I-I just meant... it was just a crush! Just a crush, that's all!"  

"Well," you smile at her, turning her to face you, "Who was it?"

She shakes her head. "It's no one you'd know..."

"There's only, like, two hundred people here, Lenora. Chances are known 'im."

"It was just a boy from school, but... he turned out to be wrong. I don't think he's as nice as I thought he was," her voice is quiet. Almost as if she's scared to say it. You frown and caress her cheek.

"Well, he's an idiot. Anyone that can't see how wonderful you are, Lenora, you just brush 'em off. Because they obviously can't be good." 

Lenora nods. "Can we keep this between us two? I don't want Arvin to find out," she pleads.

"Course," you cut her off with a laugh, "All I need is he getting arrested for beating some boy up, again, my momma just got alright with him after that night." 

You went dress shopping a week later. One week before Lenora died. She had just started feeling better. Physically, and it seemed in spirits. You hadn't told Arvin about what Lenora told you. Your mother drove you out to Parkersburg with Lenora in tow. She was the only bridesmaid - maid of honor, specifically - near so, it was just the two of you. 

       The shop was small, but it fit enough dresses that you knew you'd be here for a while. Lenora pulled dresses off the rack along with your mother. Almost all the ones they pulled were conservative, with little accessories, and bland. There was one that seemed to call to you. 

It was long, with a see-through train and short, slightly puffy sleeves. Lace was all over it. It reminded you of something a princess would wear in a Disney movie. "Now we can't afford that," you heard your mother call. "It almost two hundred dollars! Probably all that lace..." 

You turn to see your mom with a hopeful smile, "Arvin gave me some extra money. Fifty. Wouldn't that put us just a little over what we need for it?" 

Your mom pursed her lips. "Well, yes, but you should try on some other options first. Maybe you'll find something less expensive and have more money for the wedding." 

You nod and take some of the dresses into the dressing room. "Hey, Lenora?" you call out.

"Yes?" you hear almost immediately. 

"I thought you could try on some bridesmaid dresses. Do wanna go get some? We can use the same room," you suggest. She quickly says yes, and you hear her wander off. Soon enough, her footsteps come back, and a soft knock hits the dressing room door. 

You open it letting her in. "I like that purple one." 

Something is off while Lenora tries on the other dress. She keeps staring at herself in the mirror, and as you look over, you see her palming her stomach. You walk over to her and place a hand on her shoulder, "Something wrong?" 

Lenora shakes her head. "I think I've gained weight... I'm usually a three, but all the dresses feel tighter now. 'Round my stomach, 'specially."

You shake your head, "You look fine, Nora. It's probably nothing. Your grandma kept force-feeding you soup when you were, sick remember," you joke, and she smiles, "it's probably from that. It'll go away." 

Lenora nods and tries on the purple dress, both of you agreeing it looks the best. She sits as you come to the last dress. None of them interesting you enough to leave. 

"Can I ask you a question?" Lenora asks. 

"'Course." 

She shuffles her feet, "Do you think... do you... Have you and Arvin talked about having a baby? I just, I mean, when people get, married they usually have babies."

         You shake your head, "We spoke about it but, we don't got enough money for that. Plus, my momma and daddy might be letting us get married, but that doesn't mean they're happy. My daddy would probably shoot Arvin, I showed up pregnant, and I think momma would die of embarrassment. You know how my parents are," you ramble. 

        You never noticed how Lenora kept nodding her head, not until after. Or how her face slowly drained of the small smile and became anxious. Or how she kept fidgeting. 

Present Time

        You can't help but think of those things after; the thought stays in your mind. You replay the picture of how Lenora acted, the words spoken, every little glance, and inflection until you've thought of everything. 

        Could you have done more? 

No matter how much you overthink it, you still can't understand. You can't find a reason. Why would Lenora take her own life? 

You went home with Arvin that night. Your parents understood; Arvin needed you. He didn't make any attempt to hid the fact you'd be sleeping in the same bed. So there you sat, thinking of the past, in your nightgown while you waited for him. You turn your ring around your finger as you wait. The floorboards creek and you hear Arvin come before he even steps into the room. 

"Grams is sleepin'," he says tiredly. He walks over and practically falls onto the bed, his head lying on your stomach as he wraps his arms around you. You brush his messy hair out of his face. 

"Are you okay?" you ask quietly. Arvin nods. His body is stiff, and the look on his face is the definition of exhaustion. You frown and move one of your hands to his back, rubbing it softly while the others hold onto his neck. "It's okay if you're not okay, you know that, right?" 

Arvin shrugs before burying his face into your stomach. You keep rubbing his back and mumble some comforting words to him. "I just..." his voice quivers, "I can't believe she's gone. I don't understand this. Why?" his voice cracks into a sob. You hold him tighter, but he pulls away, wiping away his tears and going to leave. You quickly get up and grab his arm. As he looks back at you, he falls apart again, "Why her? She was so good! Why did this happen?" 

You grab his face, "I don't know, Arvin, but... I know I'm here for you. I know I want to be here for you. So let me, please. Don't run away. I want you to stay; I want you to let me hold you. Let me do that."

         He shakes his head softly but lets you pull him into a hug nonetheless. His arms wrap around your waist as he sobs into your shoulder, and you stumble back onto the bed. Arvin lies his head on your chest, and you hold him the entire night, and even though it was one of the hardest nights you face together, it was somehow also the most peaceful. The sound of your heartbeat, your arms wrapped around him, and the two of you sharing warmth. And as he falls asleep after crying all his tears out, he can't help but look up at his future wife and mumble three words as his eyes close for the night. 

          "I love you."  

           The next day Arvin woke up, still in your arms, and had to get up for work. You asked him not to go, but he knew he had to. He had to get money somehow. It depended on what he'd be doing on if it'd be hard labor. Sometimes it was just moving stuff, building, and other times it was lifting up heavy shit. 

           He left at six and wouldn't get off until twelve, and as he did, he found a sheriff waiting. Holding an envelope with an announcement that Arvin couldn't ignore and as he stormed back into the house, immediately looking for you and let you know what it said. You and Arvin knew something had to be done. Something had to be said: and so you told him the truth of what the preacher did. And that sealed the fate of three people in Coal Creek. 

The preacher, Arvin, and you.  

✦·․  ──── ❤ ──── ·․·✦·․·✦·․ ──── ❤ ──── ·․·✦·․·✦·․  ❤ ․·✦·․·✦·․· ──── ❤ ──── ·․·✦·․·✦·․ ──── ❤ ────  ․·✦

Once again, sorry for the wait. I hope you enjoyed part four! Though it was a little depressing. I’m hoping to wrap this up in the next part or maybe two more. I’ll try to stop from taking a month to get the next one out. 

Don’t forget to reblog and leave a comment!

━━━  MASTERLIST

#tdatt #The Devil All The Time #arvin russell #arvin russell imagine #tw: crying #tw: suicide #comfort #arvin russell x reader #1960s

[jem-2096]

Brunette from Mars - (Peter Parker One shot)

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of fighting/abuse, FLUFFY AF! 

(This could be read as ftm!peterparker and/or regular MCU Peter Parker)

This one shot is inspired by the song mars by Yungblud. Go give it a listen if you haven't! 

You and the brunette haired boy with deep honey coloured irises quickly became good friends. You commuted to school each morning together after learning you lived in the same apartment in Queens while your first day of highschool in homeroom. You were paired for some lame icebreakers to get to know other students. He had nervously blabbed to you about how he had moved apartments with his aunt over the summer and as you got to know him better over time, he let you know the reason why they moved.

You quickly learned that the brunette was a great listener, quick witted, fairly thoughtful, determined with his studies, had a passion for tinkering with programming and computer tech and secretly kept a picture of Daisy Ridley as Rey from Star Wars in his desk that you won't let him live down. 

Two summers ago, the brunette had quite the glow up that to be honest made your stomach do flips. After returning from a trip to Detroit with his Aunt May to visit family, the brunette came back to school with his braces off and a nice build to him compared to the lanky string bean he was when he had left in that June. 

With this overnight glow up also came this new habit of him flaking on you and really everyone without reasonable explanations. He would come to school with bruised knuckles, scratches on his face, and more often than not bags under his eyes. Although he seemed exhausted, his smile and upbeat self usually didn't seem to waver. His eyes did however seem to say otherwise whenever his honey brown irises met yours. 

Unless he flaked on an important commitment, you didn't display emotions or words for his lack of presence. His world didn't revolve around you and you accepted that. You reminded yourself to try not to hold him back from what he loved because you were a good friend and wanted what was best for him, even if it was draining him. 

"I'm free to study for algebra after dinner tonight." You stated to the brunette, looking past him out the city bus window as the buildings, and trees whirled past you. You weren't looking for an answer at this point, just giving him an open invitation to come over if he had nothing better to do on his Thursday night. You saw him nod out of the corner of your eye as he leaned his head against the pole you both were holding onto and closed his eyes. The bus was quiet this morning as you watched the orange sunrise dance over the brunette's features and could hear the beat of whatever song he was listening to through his headphones. 

A GPS like voice came over the bus intercom as you turned the corner. "Grand Central Parkway at 65th Avenue". You pulled the chord on the side of the bus for the bus driver to stop and gently shook the brunette's shoulder. As you saw his honey coloured eyes once again, you nodded in the direction of the door for you to both get off. 

You were early to school today seeing as you made the transfer bus in time for the first time in forever. Walking through the dewy grass on the field together, you pointed at an open picnic table near the tennis courts. 

Setting your backpack down, you opened it grabbing out two granola bars and an apple. The brunette slumped down beside you to face away from the sun. As he set his coffee on the table, his head immediayley went into his folded arms. You placed one of the granola bars infront of him, and sat facing the courts. Stretched your legs out and crossing your ankles, you flipped through one of your novels, quickly finishing up your AP lit reading before class. 

"Thanks." You heard him pipe up in a monotone voice as he shoved the granola bar in his pocket. You nodded, nose still in your novel. He knew by now that he didn't have to put on an act around you. "We gotta go in, in 20. I'll wake you in 15, kay?" 

He nodded as his head was back in his arms, facing away from you. You heard him let out an audible sigh as you finished up the last of your notes. 

"Pete?" You ask hesitantly, resting your hand on his shoulder. He didn't respond. "You know, you can tell me anything right? I won't push you. The offer still stands. No judgement. Alright?" You say quietly, softly rubbing your hand down his jacket clad back and let it drop off to collect your things and pack up your bag. 

The alarm you set on your phone goes off as you see him prop his head up and wipe his eyes on his sleeve out of the corner of your eye.

'Oh Peter. Sometimes, as close as we are, I wish it didn't feel as though there was a cement wall between us.' You thought to yourself as you scrolled through your phone. As you both stood to walk up to the school, to your surprise, as cold and distant as he had been recently, he pulled you into his side. You wrapped your arms around his torso giving him a quick hug. 

After taking attendance in home room and catching up with MJ about her latest find in the school library, you were dismissed to your first period class. "Leave your window open at 6." You heard the brunette pipe up at your lockers. "Always." You nodded, giving him a small smile before parting ways to your classes. 

You quickly glanced at your alarm clock on your desk reading 8:30 pm. Quickly realizing you were running out of graph paper in your notebook as you flipped to a fresh page, you scribbled down the next practice question. Your headphones blasted one of your new favourite songs as you disconnected them from the bluetooth on your phone to play out loud. "Do you feel like your irrelevant, do you feel like your just scared as fuck.." You quietly sang along, writing a note to get more graph paper in the near future, as you heard a thud from the window beside you. 

Swiveling in your chair, you look up to see the silhouette of the brunette. As he steps into the light of your desk lamp and sits on your bed you can see his eyes are red and his knuckles are beginning to bruise again. He kicks off his sneakers as you hesitantly stand from your chair to go and to sit beside him. 

He immediately buries his face in his hands as he quietly cries. You try your best to not show the hurt on your face from seeing him like this as you gently rub his back. You go to sit behind him up against the wall. You bring your hands around his waist gently holding him, letting your legs dangle on either side of him and rest your head on his shoulder. 

When you no longer hear uneven breathing, you sit back up and one hand goes to the hair on the nape of his neck, softly playing with his locks, while the other gently rubs circles on his back. 

"I'm sorry." You hear him sigh out. "Im so fucking sorry." He pleads as he begins to cry again. "I'm here. Just breathe Pete." You say calmly as you wrap your legs around his waist and hug him tighter. You take deep breaths for him to mimic to try and calm him back down. 

"I keep fucking up Y/n/n, and I don't know what to do anymore." He painfully lets out. You take in his words and quickly think of an appropriate response. "Everyone I try to become close with has ended up hurt or passed away, I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders and have to fill his shoes. No matter what decisions I make I still always end up letting someone down. I'm just so fucking tired Y/n." Although his words are a jumbled mess to you, you nod. You let go of the tense brunette and sit beside him. "Take your shirt off and go lie on your stomach." You say to him as he looks at you somewhat confused but does as he's told and props his head up on his folded arms. 

You can see the faded scars and healed wounds on his arms, shoulders and back, wondering who gave these to him. As you sit straddling his waist, your hands go to his shoulders and back massaging his tense and knotted muscles. He lets out a big sigh of relief after realizing what's going on. He softly mewls as you gently work the knots out. Once all the tension in his back and shoulders is gone, you lay close beside the half awake brunette. 

"Thank you." He states sincerely, as he rolls to face you. You know that his words of gratitude are for more than just the back massage. You nod, reaching your hand up to run your hands softly through his locks to relax him further as his eyes flutter shut at your touch. "We're all only capable of so much Pete. Please, don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm. It's a hard pill to swallow but its impossible to win every battle and win everyone over. I know it's easier said than done, and it'll take some time to figure everything out, but I'll be here every step of the way though alright?" You whisper softly, and reach for his hand giving it a squeeze as he nods. "I'll let you get some rest." You sigh out, sitting up, bringing the blanket at the end of the bed over his larger frame and bend down giving a kiss to his temple. "Goodnight love." You whisper.

After another hour and a half of battling through algebra questions, you quietly change into some sweats and open up your netflix account to get your mind off your math problems and your worries of Peter. Picking up your laptop, your half empty waterbottle falls to the floor with a thud. Your gaze darts over to your bed to see the naturally curly headed brunette sound asleep. Your heart flutters as you catch him pull the covers up to his chin and nuzzle his nose into the pillow and blankets while he curls his legs up into the fetal position. You sit on the floor beside your bed as the light from the movie on netflix illuminates your bedroom. You have the subtitles on and the movie on the lowest volume as you rest your back against the bed frame. 

After a few minutes you begin to hear the brunette stir and roll over to face the movie. "Is this that BoxTrolls movie?" You hear him croak out in a deep voice that makes your heart flutter. "No, this one's Paranorman. It's in my top 5." You respond, your gaze still on the screen. You feel his fingers playing with the ends of your hair softly, trying his best not to disturb you even though you've seen this movie more times than you can remember. 

He pushes all of your hair over to one of your shoulders and rests his chin on the opposite one. "You know, you don't have to sit on the floor right? I don't bite Y/n." He states sleepily in your ear. You quickly catch your breath at how close he is as you comprehend the words coming out of his mouth and nod standing. You place your laptop on your desk chair and wheel it over in front of the bed. Looking over to the brunette laying confortably in your bed, he holds the blanket open for you to get in. "One sec." You say as you take off your hoodie, revealing your white tank top underneath that clung to the hills and slopes of your natural curves. You had ditched your bra long before the Brunette had arrived, remembering that it's laying in the clothes hamper and not on your body. You looked back down to see the brunette's arm still holding the blanket open, his honey eyes on you. They slowly wandered down your silhouette to see the loose sweatpants hung low on your hips and back up to meet your gaze. The dark room concealed the deep blush you felt on your cheeks from his gaze. 'Too late now..' you thought as you climbed under the blanket. Your back rested up against Peter's larger frame. His arm snaked around your waist, pulling you closer to him. "Is this okay y/n/n?" The brunette questioned. You nodded, trying your best to calm your breathing as you felt his warm, gentle touch on your skin. You hoped and prayed he couldn't hear your heartbeat pounding in your chest. 'I feel so safe and at home in his arms but the last thing he needs right now is a girlfriend. And why would he want to be with me anyways. We're just friends and he probably just needs physical affection from someone right now.' You thought to yourself. 

You let out a soft sigh at your thoughts. "You okay sweetheart?" He asks softly, as you feel his warm lips peck the back of your exposed neck. Your face is on fire at this point. 'He's just tired Y/n. Calm down. Dont say anthing stupid'  "Yeah, I just feel safe in your arms." You murmur loud enough for him to hear. 'Idiot. You ruined it. Shit shit shit.' 

It became deathly quiet between you two. You could hear his breathing, the rain hitting your bedroom window, the cars driving on the street below, your upstairs neighbour walking around their apartment and the dull volume of the movie playing from your laptop.

"Y/n/n?" You heard him whisper.  

You rolled over to face him, burying your face in his chest, breathing in his warm cologne and body wash as you wrapped your arm around his waist and tangled your legs in his. Although you didn't have all the answers you were looking for, this the closest you two had been in over a year and you were happy that he was finally starting to let down his walls. 

He stroked your hair, planting a kiss on the crown of your head. "Goodnight love." He mumbled before all the sounds around you in the silence of your bedroom coaxed you to sleep. 

You had woken up to your alarm at 6:30am to find the spot beside you empty. 

The brunette swore that was the best sleep he had had in months he thought, reminiscing as he climbed down the fire escape after quickly showering and getting ready to meet you before catching the bus. You heard a knock on your window before he slid it open and sat on the sil. He fiddled with tge metro card in his hands as a small smile crept onto his face watching you concentrating on finishing your eyeliner and mascara. You take a step back to look in the mirror to see if your wings are symmetrical, seeing the brunette looking at you with a sheepish grin in the reflection. He looked well rested for once, his eyes kind and soft, glancing at you in adoration. Your heart beats out of your chest as you spin around to look at him. 

"One sec." You say quickly rushing out to the kitchen to grab some food before packing up your bag. Pulling on your coat and beanie, as you walk towards the window sill the brunette is lounging on.

"Before we go, I uhm... forgot to tell you something.. last night." He says looking down at his hands as you reach out gently hold his larger ones. "Y/n.. I uhm-" he looks up at you, scanning your features, trying his best to read your emotions. You see him glance down quickly at your soft lips. 'I can't take this. Screw always being a good friend.' You thought as you leaned in, placing a hand on his cheek and a soft kiss to his lips. Your thumb stroked his cheek as he leaned back in for another. Your forehead rested against his. "Was that what you wanted to tell me?" You asked in a hushed tone, looking down at his lips again. He nodded before giving them another peck. "Uhm.. we better go before we-" "oh.. yeah, your right. Shit!" You say, quickly checking the time on your phone. 

As you dashed down the fire escape and towards the bus stop, his hand never left yours as you jogged behind him giggling at his antics of repeating "Shit" as he saw the bus waiting for you at your stop as you both jogged towards it. You couldn't see it but for the first time in a while, a genuine smile adorned the brunette's face and through whatever he was battling with, knowing you were by his side, there would be plenty more to come. 

#mcu peter parker #ftm!peterparker #bestfriend!peterparker #mars yungblud #yungblud #mars #fluff #marvel #mj #tom holland #spiderman #spiderman marvel #trans!spiderman #trans!peter #midtown high #new york #queens #fanfiction #oneshot #one shot #trans!peterparker #peter parker x y/n #jemblurbs #pbpblurbs

[iphoenixrising]

I was thinking about the Titans working with the Avengers Kon and Bart still a little ticked at how Tim was treated brag about how fast Tim bonded with the Avengers. How Tony is seconds away from adopting Tim. How Bucky and Tim have come so close that he is in agreement with Tony to kidnap their new son. How they had to drag Tim out of Tony's lab where he and Peter were playing with DUM-E. To add insult Cass shows up and says how happy Tim is. Dick & Jason are off to get their baby bird back.

Hi babe.

WELP. This is not exactly what you were thinking of, but dammit. Dammit. Angst, you know?

But I mean, I really do enjoy two things: Tony Stark taking Tim in the Tower so they can literally wreck ALL the things; also, the Bats realizing the absolute fuckery of how Tim pretty much got booted out of the role as Robin, then running elbows over assholes trying to get him back and make up for it.

So, I kind of thought it might start out like this maybe...

**

“How do we look, Tin Man?”

“We look fantastic as always, Klondike. Sexy is our aesthetic. See anything from your perch?”

“You know what I’m looking at, Tones.” The Winter Soldier only partly means the view in Gotham.

And yes, Iron Man already has JARVIS focused on the two vigilantes walking around their Robin’s penthouse apartment. He knew letting Tim come back to Gotham was a bad idea, but dammit Steve had been adamant, saying they shouldn’t try to sway the kid.

“He needs to make his own decisions, Tony. We want him to come back because he wants to, not because we’re pressuring him, right?”

Tony and Buck had immediately called bullshit, but couldn’t argue when Tim himself, old backpack and worn hoodie, no mask over his eyes or utility belt around his hips, just a 19 year old kid that looked so much younger, so timid, so broken without his alter ego.

“It’s time for me to go back,” he’d said quietly to the gathered Avengers, a whole different kid without the mask. “I just wanted to say good-bye.”

His eyes are violet-blue and soft when he looks around at them, seemingly satisfied he’d single-handedly brought the team back together after the shit show that was Civil War. He can leave now since the mission he’d set out to do is accomplished, and is apparent since they’re all gathered in New York City once again, leaving the Compound for the new incarnation of SHIELD with Fury at the helm, pretty much infiltrating the Tower to start the road back to becoming the family they used to be.

(And God is it crazy, fighting and living together with the insanity that is their lives.)

It started with a broken metal arm, alien invasions, and a plate of superior nachos.

It ended up with the team saving each other’s asses, coming to an understanding, fighting it out, then crying it out.

It ended with Wanda sobbing in Tony’s chest while his arms around her are almost as tight as Peitro’s once were, with Steve red-eyed on Tony’s other side, whispering in his hair how never again – together means together, with Bucky’s forehead against the back of his neck and tears streaming down his face, with Bruce and Nat holding hands while their legs tangled with Tony’s, Steve’s, and Vision’s, with Sam laughing at them all while he’s wiping his eyes, with the whole group literally jumping on Thor the minute he touches down with the new haircut and air of perpetual weariness, with them taking up a big table in their favorite 24-hour diner feeding each other and telling stories about what they’ve all been up to since that awful thing at the airport.  

Red Robin’s run with them started with fractured friendships and ends with them tripping all over each other during meals and movie nights. Bruce’s curry, Nat’s homemade dressing for the salad, Thor dipping in to snatch bites from everyone’s contribution. But this time around, it’s Sam and Wanda chopping vegetables while Bucky directs a sleepy Tony to a barstool close but out of the traffic, turning around to let the mechanic tie up his hair for him before he joins the cooking fiasco.

A week after they all move back in, he feels good leaving them with the rooms in the living quarters of Avengers Tower full of light and voices and warmth, just like it should have been. He’s giving himself a million vigilante points for this one – even if he’s going back out with no team and no safety net. It’s fine. He’s fine. He can’t stay forever anyway.

Besides, Kon and Bart have been trying to find him again, so it’s time to move on before they get too close. And really, he’s got no other excuses to stay. Bucky’s arm is maintained regularly, the broken team is working and the Accords (thankfully had been attacked on more than one side, thanks to big industries like WE and Queen, Inc. alongside Stark Industries) are modified to protect superheroes rather than stop them from doing what they do best.

All-in-all, he’d say the mission has been a success.

“Tim,” and the Captain moves away from Tony and Bucky’s side, one hand automatically out toward him, “you absolutely don’t have to go.”

“I appreciate the offer,” and he clears his suddenly tight throat, making sure the hood and too-long hair obscure his face. “But, it’s time.”

It only takes a glance back at the full team crowded around the communal floor television while the four player Mario Kart game stays on pause. The faces full of devastation make the message clear enough. With a decisive nod at the silent statement going through the team, Steve turns back to try arguing, the teenager is just–

–gone.

Tony, however, can’t shake the feeling of wrongness in the abrupt departure, and absolutely starts tracking the second he can pull away from the team to set-up protocols to trace the steps of their vigilante.

He listened to Steve’s half-hearted, “you know we can’t interfere with the Justice League, Tony. And Batman? Gotham is his territory. We go there, and there’s no guarantee we’ll be making it out if we even get past city limits.”

“Those guys might have the whole city wired with traps,” Natasha grudgingly admits. “Everyone knows the capes are unpredictable and terrifying. We should at least go through proper channels to get permission. Even if he’s still–”

“Oracle has nothing on me,” Tony’s eyes are all for the blipping red dot on his floating holo-screen.

Steve and Bucky exchange a glance behind Tony’s back, eyes meeting with a silent message. Bucky smirks and slides the muzzle up his face. Steve briskly turns on a heel and leaves the workshop with a plan already forming on how he’s going to run interference with the JLA so Tony and Bucky could sneak into Gotham without making a fuss.  

Bucky strides the opposite way, hand on Tony’s bicep, leaning in to talk low, “tell me ya got something more stealthy than red n’ gold, Doll. That or yer gonna play my Oracle, and get me in the kid’s penthouse from somewhere safe n’ sound.”

“Oh hell no. You’re not going anywhere without me. I’ve got a trick up my sleeve, Buckeroo, and it’s going to get us an audience with our disappearing vigilante.”

Tony’s satisfied grin makes him look adorable enough that Bucky has to literally bite down on the inside of his cheek to stop himself from kissing (their) the engineer until he begs.

(Not like this. Steve had to be there when they were finally ready to tell Tony how they felt about him. Soon, they’d agreed last night after finding the exhausted mechanic asleep on the kitchen table with a tablet clutched in his hand and could finally admit to themselves how much he made them want.)

“I’ll bite. What d’ya got?”

“Just a little something super waiting in the wings. JJ, fire up the Quinjet. We’ve got a Robin to visit.”

With the Winter Soldier watching the two vigilantes facing Tim through his scope, Tony stands on a closer rooftop with the very new, very nice stealth armor, recording the footage of Nightwing and the Red Hood. His blood heats when it looks like they’re yelling at Red Robin while the younger is obviously bandaging himself up after a bad run-in.

And they’re not even helping him for fuck’s sake.

“Wow, that’s cold,” Bucky says softly while the comm in their ears are giving them the whole conversation. Something about Tim taking on a guy named Bane by himself. Seems to Buck like the kid took the asshole down, so the ass-chewing the other vigilantes are handing him seems to be pretty fucking ungrateful.

“They don’t deserve him. We have more sciency things for him to do. Crime fighting is always fun, but why not build amazing shit in-between?”

“Aw, c’mon Tones. Gotta let ‘im outta the lab so’s we can spar. Kid’s always got tricks. Makes fer some fun.”

“I know that’s why you like him so much, Barnes.”

“What, like I ain’t seen you fightin’ outside the suit before?”

“I’m not teenage vigilante kind of street-smart. I will punch the hell out of you, make some nifty explosions, re-configure your systems...oh.”

“Finally gettin’ it are ya?” And he can’t help it when his tone drops a little, watching Nightwing’s arms flail. “S’why I like ‘im. Reminds me of you, Doll.”

“...you might actually make me blush, Soldier. How novel.”

“If it helps, Steve never believed ya were just a guy in a suit. Not from the moment he met ya.”

“Where the hell did that come from?”

“Like I ain’t hung out with ya the past few months? I know how ya think, Stark, and ya ain’t just the armor.”

“Sure, sure. In all actuality, I’m the most well-paid consultant that ever lived.”

The Winter Soldier’s eyes flicker over where the Mark XXI is ducked in the shadows, jaw clenching because Tony’s odd self-deprecating tendencies bothers him just as much as it bothers Stevie. At some point, they’re going to address it with Tony, face-to-face. Not now, but that day is going to come, so help him.

In the meantime, Bucky tunes back in on the conversation happening inside, flips the safety on his rifle, and starts moving closer to Tony’s roof since they might not even need Plan B after all.

“What does that even mean, Timmy?”

“Calm it down, Big Wing. Pretender, look–”

“Do you see a fucking R on my chest, Hood?” And even from where he’s trucking over rooftops, Bucky can see the tension in Tim’s spine, the fast, angry movements as he tapes gauze pads to obviously fresh stitches. “I’m not ‘pretending’ fuck anymore. So how about you fuck off with that ‘Pretender’ shit.”

“...all right. That’s fair, so my bad. But lookit, B is all about ya coming ta the yearlies, you feel me?”

“What part of ‘it’s not my place’ isn’t clear here?”

The sigh from Nightwing is loud enough to hear it over the microphone Tony planted when they touched down.

“You have got to get over this thing,Tim. Dami’s been Robin for–”

“That’s what you think? That I’m fucking jealous, Dick?”

“He was a kid. He’s not still crying about the past–”

“Get. The Fuck. Out.”

The quiet calm of Tim’s tone is enough to make Bucky pause, and the sleek black Iron Man armor to step out of the shadows.

“I’m serious Tim! Listen–”

“I’m done. Done with you, done with the Bats, I’m fucking done. So do us both a favor and forget you were ever here.”

Nightwing flinches, his shoulders and back getting tight by the time Bucky is beside Iron Man, frowning behind the muzzle.

“I think we’ve heard about enough,” is distorted but still so Tony through the suit’s synthesizers. “Want a ride, Red Dawn? We can show up and be the likeable ones for once.”

“Really, Iron Man? I thought only Cap got special rides.”

“Well, I will always make an exception for my Bucky Bear, you know,” and he wiggles an arm, sighs a little as the Winter Soldier steps up against the suit, stepping up on to the rocket boots.

Having Bucky against him is something he can keep locked in the secret file in his brain he pulls up when he has bad days. Things like Steve hugging him, trips to the ball field, Bucky hanging out with him in the workshop while Steve drew or read or did paperwork on his tablet.

(Things he can never have. Sure, he can want, but he can’t let it get too real. Locking it away is safer for everyone.)

Knocking on the door of Tim’s balcony, shaking up the Bats, is really much more satisfying than Tony would have thought ten seconds ago.

He knows Tim is shocked, had probably been expected the big, bad Bat at his door rather than two Avengers waiting for entrance.

In his black and gold stealth armor, Tony waves metal fingers when the curtains pull back and Tim’s mouth drops open on the other side.

The door is wrenched open, and they can both hear, “we ain’t done here, Tim,” from inside, but Tim absolutely ignores it to stare wide-eyed at Iron Man and the Winter Soldier just, you know, hanging out on his balcony of all the fucking places.

“Tony. Bucky, what the hell–”

“Leave you alone for a few minutes, and you’re all kinds of hurt. Why am I not shocked? Winter Wonderland, are you shocked?” Tony gives no shits about interrupting this cute little family get-together and absolutely pushes his way in to Tim’s penthouse without a fuck to give.

As normal, Bucky is more of a doer than a talker when he’s in the mask, so Tony gets to watch him do that incredibly sexy murder strut right over the threshhold and grab a hold of Tim’s elbow. He snickers at the older vigilantes obviously gawking as the Winter Soldier pushes the third Robin down in a seat at his kitchen table right by the open first-aid kit.

“Zadnitsa,” the Winter soldier snarls in rebuke, already digging out more gauze pads.

“I missed you too, Frosty,” Tim shoots back, obliging the dangerous assassin by holding still while the gauze pads are taped down and more alcohol wipes are used to disinfect a serious slice on Tim’s shoulder blade.

Honestly, Tony has no idea how he even managed to stitch it himself, but the helmet swings over to the two surprised vigilantes.

“This sure as hell ain’t a good way to show it, y’know,” Bucky pulls the goggles off but leaves the mask, metal arm moving seamlessly while he gently pats the remaining slice with disinfectant.  

“Well, I didn’t expect you two to just drop in or anything. Or else, I might have a nice psycho for you to take down.”

“Well, shows you, don’t it?”

“I guess so. But I do have a bag full of plums in the fridge, so you’re in luck.”

“Hell yeah, Red.”

The faceplate of the helmet kicks up and Tony is grinning beneath it, “aww, plums for our favorite murder bot? What about coffee for your best engineer friend–”

Bucky pauses abruptly, and Tony sees the movement, a soft sigh of sound, but only just. The knife as long as his forearm is just suddenly out, metal hand on Tim’s good shoulder, holding him down, some automatic instinct to protect the kid makes Tony bite the inside of his cheek so he isn’t smiling.

The other vigilantes, however, are really intimidated in their own right since Red Hood has twin .45s in his gloved hands and Nightwing’s escrima sticks spark a few times for good measure.

“Tim, get up slowly and step back,” Nightwing’s voice is just this side of dangerous.

“We gotcha back, Tim, you feel me?” Hood’s thumbs flick the safety, a whole lot of not fuckin’ around happening right here.

“Do me a personal favor,” the unmasked vigilante deadpans, “and go fuck yourselves.” Tim wiggles out from under the hold on his shoulder and stands, gingerly puts a hand on Bucky’s brandishing the knife. He waits for those blue-gray eyes to slide over to him.

“C’mon, Bucky,” Tim tries to cajole softly, “these guys aren’t a threat. The knife is very nice. Is it new? You know I like to look at new weapons, but you can put it away. Promise.”

“Malyutka,” is a question more than a statement.

Tim huffs in annoyance because honestly, he’s not a kid.  (Welp, take into account, 100+ year old assassin, and maybe he can see the point.)

“My apartment, my rules, and if anyone, anyone,” he stresses, glaring at the two tense vigilantes, “gets blood on my floors or walls, then it’s fucking on. Everyone get that?”

“You’ll have to forgive us for being jumpy,” Nightwing deadpans, “we have a tendency to treat legendary assassins with immediate attention when one’s in our city, right Hood?”

The stiff angle of the guns doesn’t waver, nor does the helmet move. “Gotta say,” Hood’s voice is deep, even with the synths, “always thought this might go down different if our paths ever crossed again, Soldier.”

From behind the muzzle, Bucky’s teeth flash white, a terrifying smile, “last time my Handler wouldn’t let me kill you, Red Hood. Wanna to give it a go now that I don’t have one?”

“Sounds like a fucking party to me, sweetheart. Ya gimmie a time n’ I’ll bring the motherfuckin’ confetti.”

“Any. Fuckin’. Time–”

“As entertaining as this is,” Tony interjects, the soft haaa when the armor opens up to let him step out, “our host absolutely said no blood, right boys?”

Slowly, weapons lower, but the tension is high in the room, only broken when Bucky points a gloved finger back to the chair Tim was previously in.

(And during the time Tim had spent with the Avengers, none of them knew the Winter Soldier and Red Hood had met before. He’s going to want some details on that little scuffle.)

“Thank-you. I’m glad good manners are winning out over bullshit posturing,” and Tony pours on his media smile, giving Nightwing and the Red Hood something else to look at while Bucky gently finishes up with their vigilante. “Because really. We’re literally all on the same side here. We just happen to go through legal channels to beat the shit out of bad guys. Not as much fun, but you can’t beat the tax breaks.”

“Mmhm, I’m really hoping you aren’t in Gotham as Iron Man, Mr. Stark. You know there are rules about being in this city.”

And Tony would bet his entire fortune Nightwing has a listening device somewhere in that ridiculously tight suit for the Dark Knight to monitor what’s happening in Red Robin’s apartment right this moment.

(Especially the fact they know his civilian identity and are comfortable enough calling him by his real name. They probably aren’t going to be on any Justice League party invites for a while after this. He wonders how Steve is doing with Superman and Wonder Woman right about now.)

“I asked them to come,” Tim interjects, not bothering to glance at either vigilante, “they’re here to help me with a case. My lead is a dead-end, so we’re all going to be out of Gotham as soon as fucking possible. The Batman will have to deal with it.”

Tony hums, crosses his arms over his chest. He meets Bucky’s quick glance, quirks a grin since maybe they could convince him to come to New York instead. Or, if his Plan B is still waiting in the wings, they could do something altogether different.

(There’s a whole floor available in the Tower, and wouldn’t that be some incentive for Tim to get it together and land somewhere more permanent?)

“Tim…” and the wealth of warning there isn’t enough to earn Nightwing the youngest vigilante’s attention after the last gauze pad goes on.

But the youngest of the vigilantes stands from his chair, turns to give them the same fuck you and the zip line you rode in on attitude, “don’t fucking even with me, N.”

“You can’t come to the yearly gathering for one night, but you can pal around with the Avengers?”

And oh! Is that jealousy he hears? Tony has to bite down on the inside of his cheek to keep from smirking because wow, Nightwing does not sound very happy.

“It’s none of your fucking business–” and that tension is back in the square of Tim’s bare shoulders, the flex of his forearms.

Tony easily picks up his discarded nerd shirt, pointedly steps between him and the glowering vigilantes, shoves the shirt over the kid’s head and ignores his sputtering.

“I’m sure nothing that would interest you,” Tony makes a point to stay between the two groups, “I mean, you don’t work with Red Robin anymore, right? So he’s a free agent. Believe me, he’s been super helpful with us in New York, I don’t know if we'd all be in the same room without him.”

Tony is being absolutely innocent about it, letting Tim shove his arms in the right places while he grins at the obviously unhappy vigilantes over his shoulder.

The glare Tim levels at him would have probably withered anyone else. Good thing Tony has very, very little shame, and between him and Steve, the best troll in the Avengers award is still undecided. This might just put him over the top. He doesn’t need Bucky to remove his mask to know there’s a smirk underneath.

“I’m sorry, what now?” The whiteouts swing from Tim to Tony, “since when don’t we work together? We only have since you were twelve–”

“And we haven’t since your Robin kicked me the fuck out of my home. I’ve been out of the Cave, out of this city, and out of your life since then, so don’t come here with some attitude about it.” Tim’s eyes slide to the Red Hood. “You two coming here to ask me about the yearlies? Like I’ve been there for the last three? Like I haven’t come back unless someone called me in because, let’s face it, I’m just another body to fight the good fight, right? So this? Acting like I’m just going to forgive and forget? You can both absolutely go fuck yourselves.”

And some tiny part of Tony feels utterly proud in that moment, feels somewhat vindicated at how cold and calm Tim is, how he’s just laying it all out on the table, no bullshit, no contingencies, no taking the high road, no giving in, and it’s so much the Tim he knows, squaring his shoulders and facing both older vigilantes with anger so cold it burns.

“I–I mean, Tim–”

“There is literally nothing you could say right now that I’d want to hear, Nightwing. Nothing. All those years of fighting together, of being partners? I never would have guessed you’d be the one to stab me in the back, but I guarantee you won’t get another chance.”

But, the night gets that much better when Nightwing and the Red Hood gives them the death glare of doom before Tim pretty much kicks them out of his apartment.

Tony isn’t cheering out loud, but wow does he want to.

“Timmy,” Nightwing gives it one last, desperate try, turning at an impossible angle with one leg out the window to face the de-masked vigilante, tone low and serious.

“You’re a few years too late, Nightwing. Now get the fuck out.”

Tim had flicked his hand out behind him, a flat palm telling Tony and Bucky to stay back when he pretty much forced both vigilantes out of his apartment with a sneer of disdain and a promise to set his security protocols to shock the utter fuck out of them if they ever tried to come back to his last hold-over in Gotham. By the way the Red Hood stood shock still, and Nightwing’s frown deepened, they apparently believed him.

While Tim shuts the windows, locking them with finality, Bucky finally pulls off his muzzle and goggles, exchanges a worried glance with Tony when he realizes Tim’s hands are shaking.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Is soft but firm, is obvious Tim is trying to put himself back together.

“Well, as I said earlier–”

“Don’t bullshit me, Tony. There’s no case.”

With how empty and cold Tim sounds, how his hands are fisted at his sides, the tremble going through him, Tony pauses to take in the rest of the signs. He catches Bucky’s eyes and makes an executive decision.

Plan B it is.

“Okay, you’re right. No case. But, what I do have for you is more interesting and important than a case right now. Meaning, I still need your help with it.”

And when the kid finally turns to face him, face them, Tony can see the effects of dealing with Nightwing and the Red Hood in the clench of Tim’s jaw and the way he won’t really meet Tony’s eyes. A distraction is exactly what he needs, a reason to get the hell out of this city before he drowns in his own misery.

Instead, Tony turns his head toward a window, “all right, kid. Time to make your dramatic entrance!”

The super speed never gets old.

Not to mention the fact, Superboy is absolutely adorable when he’s just suddenly there, grabbing Tim around the waist and hugging him a little desperately.

“Oh my God, Kon?!”

Blue eyes blown wide, Tim’s eyes go from the meta-human wrapped around him to Tony’s soft smile to Bucky’s gentle smirk.

“Tim, Tim I can’t– I just! I...I missed you so much, Tim. We all missed you so much,” and Kon-El’s voice is barely a croak, heavy and thick with emotion, his face buried in the side of Tim’s throat, his back hunched over the smaller vigilante. “I needed to see you. Sorry about this, but...I’m not really.”

Like muscle memory, Tim’s brings a hand to the back of his best friend’s neck, making small circles against the tight tendons with his finger tips, still looking more shocked than pissed.

Tony is absolutely going to take it as a win.

**zadnitsa means ass or asshole kind of. Thanks Google Translate :D

#crossover au #tim drake #tony stark #bucky barnes #steve rogers #jason todd #dick grayson #conner kent #winter answers #yet another drabble #my drabble #my writing

[things-we-used-tc-share]

Cherry Wine

Open hand or closed fist would be fine The blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine.

This is based on @whatwashernameagain ’s “Keep Him Safe,” which you can find here. Contains spoilers for the last chapter!

Warnings: Mentions of physical abuse, emotional abuse

Ship: in the actual fic there’s pre romantic logicality but this more platonic!LAMP all in all

Plot: Patton never thought it’d be easy, but he hadn’t quite thought recovering would be this hard. 

((Disclaimer: What I write is based on personal experience, and is not a one size fits all situation, ))

Door closing, door opening. The ticking of the clock on the wall, the running of water through the pipes and voices in the distance. When had every minor song become so loud; why did every single one feel so close and so threatening? Patton had been staring at the same blank space for so long his eyes were beginning to make shapes of the cracks, but he felt as if he would dissolve if he moves an inch to the left or right. 

Tears. Tracking his cheeks like raindrops on the window after a storm had hit. Hit. God, that word had never felt so heavy on his mind nor tongue in so long. His head still hurts, but he could barely stand the thought of anyone touching him right now, he’d barely been able to breathe when the paramedics had arrived and started trying to patch him up. Patton wanted to scream. He wanted to scream and scream and cry until everything around him shattered and fell away, he wanted to be alone and yet he was a man that craved comfort, no, needed comfort like anyone needed air to breathe. 

Logan. 

It’s the thought of the man that finally makes him move as his gaze, teary and blurred, blinks into some conscious shell of a man. He looks around at the room, “Logan?” He whispers, so dazed, so tired. Fuck, he was so tired. There’s no answer, no response because he’s alone in the room. Alone. Vulnerable. Exposed. 

Patton shivers and pulls the blanket around him but the tears fail now, too exhausted to muster the courage to cry. 

The door opens and he jumps, his head turning so fast he thought he might have whiplash. “Sorry,” it’s Roman, looking drawn and tired and sick, he goes even paler when he sees Patton’s face; his fear, his widened eyes and tear stained cheeks, the bruises and cuts and pain.

Roman thought he might never forget the sheer pain in his friend’s eyes. 

“I brought something for you to eat, and drink, to help,” Patton relaxes just a little, it’s just Roman, he knows Roman, right? Roman wouldn’t hurt him, right? Right now, he isn’t so sure of who is capable of causing him harm. “Logan sent me to make sure you’re okay, he’s being grilled on the situation right now, Virgil’s here too,”

Patton doesn’t talk as he accepts the oat bar and cup of tea with the shakiest hands the detective had ever seen. He only nods. “Would you like to see Virgil, Patton?” The baker feels a rush straight from his stomach to his heart and his chest tightens. Virgil must be so terrified right now, and he’s not there to comfort him or take care of him. He nods, eyes filling with tears.

Pathetic.

He hears it sear across his thoughts, but it’s in his voice. He startles and the tea spills and Roman, out of instinct moves just a little too fast. Too fast. The cup clatters to the floor, Patton’s arms immediately coming up to protect himself, a whimper escaping his throat. 

Roman had thought he had experienced heartbreak.

But nothing, nothing compared to this. 

“I’m so sorry,” He whispers, his voice tight in his throat but he wouldn’t cry, not yet at least. If he cries, Patton will blame himself, he knows this much already. “I didn’t think, I’m so sorry,” He steps back, so he’s against the far wall, observing calmly “I’m going to approach and pick up the cup Patton, is that okay?”,” He speaks slowly to stop the crack in his voice that he feels is coming. Patton nods so slowly and hesitantly. Roman approaches slowly, kneeling down to pick up the cup. “I’ll get you a clean blanket, and Virgil, okay?” Patton nods again, faster, as if there’s something pressuring him to answer faster. 

Roman has never felt scared of himself before, but he’s a cop, he’s built to fight. Of course, Patton is scared. He wished he could make himself smaller somehow. He slips through the door and closes it quietly. 

By the time he gets to Virgil, he’s frantically trying not to cry. “He’s not talking, I don’t even think he can Virgil, I...” His voice cracks and he swallows, straightening out both himself and his pride “You know more about this than I do, you understand better,” Virgil nods, his jaw clenching nervously as he’s led by the other to the right room.

As the door closes behind Virgil, Roman thinks of every case he’s had where someone has been abused. He thinks of every abuser that got away, every broken-hearted man, woman, child, person, every single one of them flashes behind his eyelids. 

When you have a job that forces you to deal with the worst of the world every day, it becomes easy to see them as case numbers. Roman had never quite felt so angry at himself before for allowing himself to fall into that rhythm. Case solved, case closed. He’d forgotten why he did this job in the first place. To help people, people who he’d forgotten had lives after the case file was shut, people who were hurt, injured, abused, traumatized. 

And what sort of person had he become, that he only really remembered this when his friends were on the receiving end? When it was Virgil? And now because it is Patton?

He glances through the window, watching the two interact.

“Hey Pat,” Virgil speaks as softly as he can. He tries for a moment to just push away his anger and his emotions, it’s something that perhaps Logan and Roman could not entirely get to grips with. Roman who constantly thinks with his heart. Logan, who could never half-heartedly love a person, practically shattered glass the moment he saw what Trevor had done to Patton. 

“I brought Nicodemus,” Virgil holds out his hands slowly, to show the rat peeking out curiously from his sleeve, “I thought he might help for emotional support,” Patton peeks up at the boy.

Virgil was safety right now, neither too tall nor too broad, but tired and sad and holding a rat in the desperate hope that it would comfort his best friend. In any other situation, Patton thinks he may have laughed. “Can I come closer?” The baker gives a small and exhausted smile as he nods. Virgil sits opposite him and holds his hands out for the rat to crawl out onto Patton’s hand.

A noise between a sob and laugh escapes Patton’s chapped lips as the rat crawls into his hands. Because at least he still had this, at least there was one thing in the world that didn’t seem so terrifying. The little rat that scuttled up and down his arms warmly, sniffling. His eyes fill with tears as he watches the ball of fur sniff curiously, somehow relaxing into its gentle pitter patter of feet. 

Virgil lets out a shaky breath, he’d hoped that it would help, but it was torture to stare and watch the other breaking and not being able to do anything about it. But he knows and he understands, Patton needs time, and time they will all so patiently give him if it means him healing. The door opens again, and Patton jumps just a little but relaxes a little faster with the rat in his hands.

Logan looks like he’d passed exhaustion as he enters the room, eyes drawn and face full of lines. Virgil can tell he’d been crying, and he wasn’t sure why that shook him up so much, but seeing Logan cry was such a rare occurrence. Had it been Roman, he’d have expected it because Roman was constantly made up of emotion. 

The detective gives a very tight smile as he moved closer into the room and suddenly Virgil felt like he was intruding. But he wasn’t going to leave Patton, not now and not ever. 

Logan sits on the floor, a safe distance away from Patton, but the baker appreciates the other’s attempts to make himself a little smaller. Finally, he feels like his breathing is returning to normal as he brings Nicodemus to his chest and nuzzles his nose against his fur. They sit in silence and allow the comfort of friends to warm the atmosphere. Eventually, people would need him to talk, they’d need a statement, they’d need to ask questions.

But for now, they sit in the quiet, Logan’s eyes watching, Virgil’s hands fidgeting, and Patton finally thinking about what comes next. 

Roman enters the room slowly, with three blankets, he hands them to Virgil and sits down next to Logan. Patton doesn’t miss the tear tracks, he feels guilty but for once he considers that perhaps it isn’t wholly his fault as Virgil asks him if he can approach. 

As he’s swaddled in blankets and the silent love of his friends, Patton, for the first time in so long finally and consciously thinks, now that he no longer has to stare at the cracks in the wall from fear of being alive:

“It wasn’t my fault,”

@analogical-mess // @unikornavenger // @mycatshuman // @creativity-killed-thekitten // @theresneverenoughfandoms // @charmingprincey //@aclickonapostwillchangeyourlife// @heck-im-lost // @k9cat // @stilljittery //@romansleftshoulderpad // @sanderssideslibrary // @max-is-tired// @therealmoshar//@punsterterry// @trashypansexual // @miserykillme // @demigodnamedathena//@sevencrashing // @misunderstood-shadow // @aphriteblack // @jemthebookworm //@sandersandthesides// @penguinkool @georganabanana @importantrunawaystudentstuff

#abuse tw #sanders sides #logicality #tw abuse

[cinnbar-bun]

To the Void (Lucilius x Oc)

Pairing: Lucilius/Oc (Luna)

Genre: ANGST ANGST ANGST IM A HORRID MONSTER ANGST ANGST TURN AWAY 

Disclaimer: I really don’t think I need to mention this but due to how this pairing is, obviously some things don’t relate well to canon/would most likely never happen in canon. Lucilius would probably never have a lover. Lucilius would probably have a different motivation for his whole ‘destroy the world’ thing. I KNOW. I KNOW VERY WELL, AND I AM DOING MY BEST TO CREATE A STORY AND BACKSTORY, IT HAS NO BACKING IN CANON BECAUSE ASTRALS/LUCILIUS HIMSELF WAS NEVER FULLY DEVELOPED. PLEASE KEEP THIS IN MIND BEFORE READING. Also, a lot of my other friends’ ocs are in here as well, because I love them lol. 

With that out of the way, please enjoy this???? And also please let me know if you like these things and wouldn’t mind seeing more for Lucilius/Luna, since I have plenty more for them!

Lucilius worked continuously in his lab. Even Belial was starting to get worried about his behavior.

“Listen Cilius, you can’t keep-“

“Quiet you!” Lucilius would snap back, thrusting his scalpel towards the brunette. He was breathing heavily and the bags under his eyes seemed to have gotten worse than before. “I told you I’m busy working!”

Belial clamped his mouth shut and nodded, leaving the astral to continue his work.

Lucilius furiously scribbled notes on a scroll before he growled and snapped his quill in two. He slammed his hand against his desk and cursed loudly.

“Damn it! Damn it all to hell! What good is this world? What use is there to a place where I am denied my dreams? How long must I suffer alone before you give me back my life?!” He yelled to no one in particular. “I don’t care anymore! I don’t care! Useless! Useless! Useless! This is useless!”

He chucked some of his work across the room and screamed into his hands. He was never good at dealing with emotions. Especially not something as intense as grief. Being this hateful, sad, repentant, and guilty had placed a heavy burden on himself.

 Normally, his wife would’ve comforted him. Her sweet words and soothing touches would’ve eased the beast within him, and he found solace in being wrapped in her arms. Then again, if she were here, he wouldn’t be feeling this suffering. 

Tomorrow would be their anniversary. But it would not be a happy celebration. It would not be a joyous occasion spent in each other���s arms and lips. It would be desolate, cold, and dark. It would be a constant reminder of what he had lost, and what he never could get back.

A hundred years have passed by. But they all melded into the same day. It was suffering just getting up to an empty bed, where the soft feel of her lips and her melodic voice would wake him up and tell him good morning. It was exhausting to remember to eat, drink, and clean, all things that seemed trivial and even more meaningless than before.

Existing was hard. So hard, and so painful that he wished to rid of it all. If he had to suffer through the pain of losing his only love, then the others should too. It was only fair.

He saw his children were grieving, but a part of him couldn’t help but feel angered and jealous of them. They looked to her as a mother figure. But they would move on. They had their own lovers and things to attend to. But him? Oh no, he’d be back to being absolutely, completely, utterly alone. They wouldn’t understand the desperation for literally anything to just end his misery, or for his wife to suddenly spring back to life.

 No, they’d cry for a bit before forgetting. Their pain would be temporary. Simply because the bond they shared was completely different from the one he shared with her.

 They already seemed to be getting their lives back together, continuing their work and jobs as if everything were normal. He wanted to scream. They should be in as much pain as he was. It was only fair.

 He gazed up at the clock and noticed it was late evening. He sadly nodded before he crept to his room.

 “Father, there you are, I-“ Astra began, but Lucilius was unresponsive. He couldn’t hear her. He just continued walking. Astra lowered her hands to her side and nodded. “A...alright...”

Lucilius closed his door behind him and struggled to his bed, where he laid down and curled into a pathetic ball. For thirty six thousand five hundred days, he had to sleep alone. People said time heals the pain, but he felt as if he’s gotten more bitter and emotional as time went on.

 He was angry one of the few people who mattered so much to him had to die. He was depressed his wife was no longer there to love him and make him feel whole again. He was numb as he registered that the good times would not come back. He was alone again. This time, it was even worse, he was surrounded by people who just couldn’t understand how traumatizing it was to finally receive the love you craved, only to have it taken away from you.

 He clenched his eyes shut.

 He was not good. He would never be good. He was only good when his wife was there, who taught him how to be like that. But now she was gone, and he was a wreck.

That’s right, I was never good to begin with. Why should I pretend any longer?

In the hundred years he’s been grieving, he’s missed out on a lot of things. His kids would struggle to get him to come out, but after a while, they too gave up when he was practically catatonic. It was like he was a dead corpse.

He closed his eyes.

I’m not good. I’ve only ever been bad. Why should I stop now? Who’s gonna stop me?

An idea formed in his head. For once, he thought of nothing. The idea brought him comfort he hadn’t felt in eons, as he went into a dreamless sleep.

As morning rose, he quickly scurried to the middle of the garden where his wife lay. Her casket wasn’t to be buried, and Lucilius was grateful for that. She lay in the crystal coffin, dressed in all white and with a small smile on her face.

Lucilius loved her smile.

He couldn’t help but tearfully smile back at his wife. Seeing her smile almost made it seem like she was comforting even in the afterlife. She always was a faithful and devoted wife. He really wouldn’t be surprised to see her fight out of the underworld. That’s just the type of woman she was, and one that he loved with all his heart.

He rested his head against the glass and closed his eyes.

“My love...happy anniversary… I have a gift for you. You might not like the sound of it. I know, I know. But this is one I wish to give. It’ll be better for the both of us, and the entire world.” He whispered. 

“I’m going to do something so big. For our ‘Big Finale’, if you will. You won’t understand until you see it. And when you do, I will be there by your side once more darling. We will be joined again, and you won’t ever have to feel pain. You will never have to watch anyone suffer. You will never have to bear the weight of my mistakes again. This time, we can have our own paradise as everything disappears. Won’t it be nice?” He cooed. 

The corpse did not answer. But he smiled. 

“I hope you’ll love this gift when it comes to fruition. I will begin working on it immediately. For your sake, and mines, I will complete it. I will allow nothing to stop me. Not even our children can stop this finale. It’s just too important to me. I will make you smile again. Once we are reunited, I will hold you close and never let go. My dream will come true again, and we can live out our days in nothingness.” 

The wind billowed softly against the piles of flowers surrounding the casket, tickling Lucilius’ legs. However, he could not feel a thing, too caught up in the newfound euphoria at this idea. 

“Please be patient for me love. Guide me to that place where I can be in your arms. I will take the world’s evolution into my own hands and start it over from zero.Wait for me, until then, when I am worthy of seeing you and holding you.” 

He heaved a sigh, and droplets of tears flowed down his cheeks. 

“I’m crying but...I feel so happy...is this your doing? Is this your way of telling me not to do it? Gods...I can’t just quit. I can’t quit, not when you and I are merely inches apart. I want your eyes to open again. I want to feel your warmth. My love, don’t you get it? You’re the only thing that can provide me that. Please...don’t stop me. Don’t tell me I’m a good man, that I don’t need to do this. You know very well I am no good. I am not nice. I have never been nice. I have never been good unless I was with you. Please, don’t tell me it’s fine the way it is. Soon you’ll be forgotten and-” He choked out a sob and collapsed against the casket, tearfully hiding his face in his sleeves. 

“-What if the others forget you? What if I forget you? I don’t want anyone else. I don’t need anyone else. I need you, just you. Please don’t deny me that. Please. I can’t continue without you.” 

Lucifer, Stella, and Sandalphon quietly peeked their head into the gardens through the door and saw their father crying and pleading for Luna to come back. 

“One hundred years…” Lucifer murmured. 

“Should we...talk to him?” Stella worriedly asked. 

“I don’t know if that’s the best. He nearly stabbed Belial and I for asking if he was alright.” Sandalphon shook his head. 

“It’s so unfair. He’s...he’s suffering like this. Can’t we do something?” Stella pleaded. 

“Unless you can bring our mother back, he’s going to unfortunately be like this.” Sandalphon grumbled, folding his arms and looking away. 

“Can we get Mari to-”

“I had tried that, my love.” Lucifer sadly answered. “Primals do not have a soul. Only a core. And...it was destroyed.” 

“I don’t believe it.” Stella shook her head. “I don’t believe that’s all we can do.” 

“I want to believe, I really do. But it seems pointless here. Our mother is dead. And Lucilius has to accept it just like we-” Sandalphon choked, heaving until Lucifer placed a hand on his shoulder. “We did. Just like we did.” 

“Sandalphon…” Stella whispered, before hugging both of them. “I know it hurts. I know.” 

“Stella? Sandy? Lucifer?” A tiny voice called out. Aurora tugged on Lucifer’s pant legs as Stella and Sandalphon quickly rubbed their eyes. 

“Yes, Aurora?” Lucifer bent down and smiled as best as he could to his baby sister. 

“Have you seen papa? I’ve been looking everywhere, but everyone’s been avoiding my question.” She pouted. 

“Oh he’s-” Lucifer cut himself off before he smiled again. “I think he’s coming in soon. He’s just taking a small walk.” 

“But I think someone’s behind you-” She tried to peek but Lucifer held her down by her shoulders. 

“Heh, no, it’s just Sandalphon and his bad allergies. Here, how about us four go and make some tea?” 

“Oh! Yes please!” She grasped onto his hand and followed him, with Sandalphon and Stella sharing a worried glance back at Lucilius before they walked in. 

Lucilius had stopped his crying and tried to calm his breathing. 

“My love. I’m sorry. This is one of the times I cannot do as you say. Please, understand, this is for the better. Our children will not have to learn of suffering any longer, and we...we can be together. You can hate me all you want after that. I don’t mind. You can curse me, make me feel pain, I don’t care. I just want to see you one last time before we disappear.” 

“I want to return to the Void with you.” 

#lucilius #Lucilius x OC #lucyna #lucilius x luna #angst #granblue fantasy imagines #gbf imagines #lucilius (gbf) #gbf #granblue fantasy

[tayegi]

Revenge is a Dish Best Served... Hot? (m)

When your roommate keeps you up late at night with her noisy rendezvous with male overnight guests, you and Seokjin team up to plot your revenge...  How? With a taste of her own medicine, of course. 

Dedicated to my roommate :”) ily, but please let me sleep.... 

Warning: Seokjin smut

Word Count: 17,051 

*********************************************************************************

Your heart stops in your chest when you walk in through the door of your apartment after a long day at lab—to find your roommate snuggling with a strange man you’ve never seen before on the couch. They look up at the sight of you and casually hold up their hands in greeting, but your roommate doesn’t even bother to move from where she’s practically lying in the stranger’s lap.

“You’re back from lab late,” Lei calls out to you.

You cautiously set your bag on the counter and think through your words before responding, “Yes… and I have to wake up tomorrow at six in the morning to set up an experiment.”

“Aw, you poor thing,” she offhandedly comments before turning back to her new male companion.

You remain standing in the foyer for a few moments, staring at the way she snuggles back into his embrace without a second thought. But neither of them notice your heated glare, and you have no choice but to moodily march into your bedroom… the one located directly next to the living room in which they currently occupy… with the very couch they sit on pressed against the wall of your room, your bed mere concrete inches from their canoodling… Luckily they aren’t having sex this time.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Normally, you are completely cool with your roommate having visitors over. Boyfriends, dates, one-night stands, whatever. You’ve had your fair share of hookups in the past, and it’s not your right to judge… when these hookups take place in the privacy of one’s own bedroom, that is. But your roommate has this strange preference for canoodling in your shared spaces…

And with only a thin wall to separate you from them, you can hear them as clearly as if they were standing right before you. You groan as you hastily change for bed and dive for your earplugs. But of course, it’s useless. You can still hear the high-pitched squeal of your roommate’s giggles through the spongey material. And with each passing second, the anger in the pit of your stomach heats until it reaches its boiling point.

Jin!!! You angrily text your best friend, in lieu of stomping out in the living room and giving the inconsiderate couple a piece of your mind like you’d really like to, She’s doing it again!!!!

Like always, it only takes him a minute to respond, Lei?

Yah. Who else? Ugh, im going fucking crazy!!!

What guy is it this time? The one who grunts like a pig during sex or the one who asked to borrow a pair of your socks?

Neither! It’s a new guy :( 

Just tell them to shut the fuck up.

Akljslkfjsdkflsk

Srsly, ___. Just do it.

>.< ur no help! Forget it.

Want me to come over and do it for u?

N.O. trust me, Jin, that’s the last thing id ever want.

Y? bc u cant stand to see me saving ur ass again?

No, bc ud only make things worse w/ that scary face of yours.

Not my fault ur blind and cant appreciate beauty.

U look like a mean alpaca

Wut??? Y u lyin? Bitch, im beautiful and u know it!

Whatever. ur no help. Now ill just suffer through the rest of the night listening to their gross scream laughing.

Wanna sleep over instead?

Nah, u live super far away. Just forget it. Maybe I can try to shove two pairs of earplugs in D:

U need 2 just grow a pair and deal with this problem instead of avoiding it.

Asjdflklsdfk maybe one day…

Aite, coward. But don’t turn to me crying.

… why are we even friends again?

Bc no one else likes you.

Jin, r u saying u like me…?;)

No. I tolerate u. plz don’t go putting words in my mouth.

Ya ya whatever. love u too, baby <3

Istg if u call me that one more time…

Goodnight, baby 😘 😘 😘

…goodnight

You smile fondly at that last message. Why is Kim Seokjin such a tsundere? Pretending that he doesn’t care for you, when you know that he probably sees you as a little sister to him. But he’s not Jin if he’s not cold and aloof. Shaking your head in amusement, you place your phone down and lie down on the bed with a smile on your face.

You’re not sure what higher power allowed you to befriend someone like Kim Seokjin years ago in college, but you thank that unknown deity on a regular basis. You don’t know how you’d survive the stress of grad school without Jin’s snarky, dramatic, mostly unwarranted comments every day. Just thinking of your best friend is relaxing enough to put you to sleep and within minutes, you feel your exhausted mind drifting off… Until—

“HEHEHEHEHE, you’re so funny!”

Lei’s high-pitched giggling instantly slams you back into full consciousness. You lay there, staring up at the ceiling in defeat, before flopping over to muffle a scream in your pillow. Fuck your life…

*********************************************************************************

“What are you still doing?” Jin groans as he watches you type furiously at your kitchen table.

“Sorry, I just need a few more minutes,” you say as you hastily type another line of code.

“I thought you wanted to grab food!” he exclaims, “Why are you like this?”

“Shh,” you shush him, “Go stare at your reflection in the back of my laptop and shut up.”

Jin sighs dramatically, “I think it’s very irresponsible for a full grown adult woman like yourself to demand that someone drives her to lunch, only to stand them up.”

“Relax, I’m not standing you up,” you mumble as you hastily delete your line of code and reconsider it, “I just need another second to rerun these analyses… And no one told you to pick me up! I could’ve just taken the subway.”

“And get mugged again?” he snorts, “Like I’m going to let that happen. I can’t deal with that again.”

You shoot him a wry glare, “Not everyone can drive around in their fancy little cars, Mr. Rich Kid.”

“Psht. You’re the one who chose to be a broke ass grad student. Who would willingly want to be a student for another four years?!”

“Six years,” you quietly correct him.

“Six years?! Okay, that settles it. You’re officially insane.”

“At least I enjoy it! You’re the one who sold your soul to the corporate overlords and have to suffer through that boring financial… wait what do you do again?”

“How do you know nothing about me?! Investment—”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Can you come take a look at my analyses?”

“Oh my god… I knew there was a reason you wanted me over,” Jin says with a good-natured sigh as he scoots over to peer at your laptop screen, “Your silly overeducated mind can’t handle a bit of math.”

You scowl at him as you show him the output of your analyses, “Just tell me if this is right or not…”

“What’s the magic word?” he chimes in a singsong voice.

“Sweet cheeks?” you offer.

He immediately scowls, “Forget it. Do your own damn analyses.”

“I didn’t mean that!” You exclaim, clinging onto his sleeve before he can walk away, “I’m sorry, dearest Jin! You are as rich in intelligence as you are in beauty! Please bless me with that sexy brain of yours!”

His lips twitch at your exaggerated words, but to your relief, he concedes, “Fine,” he sighs dramatically, “But only because you asked so nicely.”

You feel the urge to retort back, but you stifle it down in order to show him your output screen, “Please look this over and let me know where I fucked up…”

“What a noble man I am, helping you with the most basic math,” he’s as dramatic as always as he pulls your laptop towards him.

“Yes, my savior!” you pretend to swoon.

Jin actually cracks a smile at that, and opens his mouth to respond, but at that moment, two bodies come crashing in through the front door. Your gut twists in annoyance when you identify the intertwined bodies as Lei and her new man aggressively making out in the doorway.

At least they have the decency to briefly separate when they realize that there is company in the apartment, “Oh, hey guys,” Lei greets the two of you.

Both of you hesitantly wave back. Normally, she would spend longer chatting with the two of you (or flirting with Jin, more like), but this time, she is too engrossed with her new friend. As soon as she finishes greeting you, she reattaches her lips to her male companion’s, and they messily stumble onto the couch to make out more.

You stare at them with a disgusted look on your face, before you quickly catch yourself and politely clear your throat, “So, Jin, what do you think about my analyses?” He doesn’t respond, so you poke him after a second, “Jin?”

“Sorry, what?” he says, forcibly tearing himself from the stomach-turning spectacle, “I can’t concentrate when I’m literally on the verge of vomiting.”

You quickly shush him, horrified that your new guests on the couch might hear his offensive words, “Don’t be like this! It’s a beautiful and natural part of life!”

He ignores you, “Is this the shit you have to deal with on a daily basis?” Jin asks you in horror.

You wince, “Pretty much…”

“Damn… Ok, I’m gonna go beat them both up for you. This is unacceptable.”

“No!” you hurriedly grab his hand before he can follow through on his threat, “Come on, let’s just leave. Aren’t you hungry?”

“___, you seriously can’t keep running away from confrontation!”

“I know, but—ugh!” Frustrated, you shut your laptop and tighten your grip on his hand to forcibly drag him out of the apartment, “Lei, I’m leaving!” You call out before you step outside, but of course, she doesn’t even notice.

As soon as you shut the front door behind you, you whirl around in the hallway to face Jin, “I know that this is gross and really inconsiderate, but what can I do?”

“Just tell her to fucking stop,” he says, his solution as simple and blunt as always.

“I wish I could! But you know that her mother’s the landowner of this apartment complex. I’m paying barely half the rent of what a nice two-bedroom apartment like this downtown should go for! I can’t afford to piss her off!”

“That’s such bullshit,” Jin growls, “You can’t just let her get away with everything she wants because she can hold this over your head. Move out. Hell, if you need somewhere to stay, you can crash with me.”

“Ugh, it’s really not that simple. That’s not a permanent solution.”

“Neither is just letting her get away with this without any consequences for the rest of your life.”

“Yeah, I know… I just need to think of a better approach…”

“Fine. If you won’t talk to her, then get back at her.”

That makes you pause, “Wait… what?”

“Two can play that game,” he explains, “How is it fair that she can be so inconsiderate and rude fooling around with guys in your shared living space? So you should do it too. And she’d be a complete hypocrite if she found fault in it.”

“I…” you blink as you try to think it through, “Wait… that’s not such a bad idea, actually…”

“Of course it isn’t,” he says at once, “I’m a genius, after all.”

“No, you’re really stupid,” you absentmindedly inform him as you mull over his suggestion, “Wait… no, I think this actually could work, Jin! Wow, I just need to find a man to fool around with in front of her! This is exciting!” You exclaim, beaming at this point.

“Yes, exactly. Give her a taste of her own medicine. She probably lacks the basic empathy to understand how gross this is. So you need to let her know how it feels.”

“Ok,” you grin, “I think I will, thanks Jin! I’ll call Jung Hoseok tonight and ask if he wants to come over.”

“Wait—Jung Hoseok?” Jin asks with a wrinkle of his nose, “Are you really going to go down that route again?”

“Sure, why not? I mean, he’s the ultimate fuckboi, and I would never date him, but that’s not what I want from him tonight, now is it? And I think Hobi would always be down for a hookup with no strings attached.”

Still, Jin clicks his tongue in disapproval, “That seems excessive and rather dangerous for this ploy, ___.”

“Dangerous?” You repeat in surprise, “How so?”

But he only ignores you, “Why do you actually have to hook up with someone for real? Why can’t you just fake it?”

Your brow furrows in confusion, “Fake it? How would I fake it on my own? Do you want me to pretend to masturbate or something, you pervert?!”

He cringes at the very thought, “No way, you nasty. I was just saying that I’ll help you act it out in front of her.”

“You? Really? Why would you do something like that?” you ask, shocked by the very thought.

He shrugs, “Why not? It’ll be fun. You know I’d love nothing more than to get back at that gross, overly touchy roommate of yours.”

You pull a face of sympathy when you remember all the unwarranted flirting and excessive skinship Lei had subjected Jin to over the years you’ve lived with her. “But she knows we’re friends. She’ll never believe that we’re hooking up.”

“Why not? I’m hot. Of course you’d want to fuck me.”

You glare at him, but don’t have the energy to discipline him for once, “But why would you want to fuck me? That’s the unbelievable part!”

“Why not?” he says in a flippant tone, “I’m hot and horny, you’ve got tits, we’ve been friends for years, and things just fell together. Boom, done. Now let’s go get omelets.”

“Seokjin, they’ve long stopped serving breakfast.”

“Damn it, woman!” he exclaims, “I told you to hurry up!”

You can’t help but grin at that, “Guess we’re just going to have to eat fried chicken again!”

He shoots you a glare, “Again?”

You beam back, “Yup!”

*********************************************************************************

“Ok, she’s supposed to come back from the grocery store any minute now,” you hiss at Jin that next weekend, when you finally find the time to put your plan into action.

“Alright, what should I do?” he asks as he flops down on the couch next to you.

“Hmm… I’m not sure,” you say as you awkwardly swing your legs over his.

He easily lifts your legs and drags them over his lap, “Should I take off my shirt?” he asks, fingers already fidgeting with the top button.

“No!” You exclaim, sitting up to grab his hands, “What’s wrong with you?!”

“Oh please,” he says with a roll of his eyes, “You know you want to see it.”

“No, I don’t,” you snap back, and for good measure, you pull up the front of his shirt to cover him up to the neck, “Keep that nasty shit to yourself.”

“How is she ever going to believe that we’re fucking?” he sighs.

You pull your legs off of his lap, “I knew I should’ve just called Hoseok,” you groan.

“No, we can make this work,” he says, suddenly leaning down to lay on top of you, hands pressed into the cushions on either side of your face to keep from crushing you, “Isn’t this better?”

But you flush at his close proximity. Whenever you think that you’ve finally gotten used to his impossibly handsome face, he proves you wrong. And lying on top of you like this, with his face inches away from yours… You can see every detail of his face from the sharp angles of his jaw, to the intensity of his dark gaze, and the fullness of his pink lips. Flustered, you squeeze your eyes shut, and blindly fumble out of his grip.

“No, it’s not!” You exclaim as you shove him off of you.

He looks at you, surprised by your dramatic reaction, “What’s wrong with you?”

“N-nothing! I just… I want to be on top instead!” You practically shout as you push him on his back.

Confused, Jin nevertheless complies, “Alright, fine. Whatever floats your boat, you crazy woman.”

You sigh deeply. He’s a lot less threatening now that he’s on his back with his lips far away from yours, and you find yourself finally able to relax. Until you realize that you need to climb onto his body. “I just don’t want Lei to get the wrong impression,” you mutter as you awkwardly shuffle around on the couch, looking for the best position, “Can’t let her think that you’re the one in charge here.”

Jin snorts, but nevertheless crosses his arms behind his head and watches you make your approach under half-lidded eyes, “Whatever helps you sleep at night, babe. Now climb on up.”

Your face nearly explodes with heat from his casual use of the pet name. “You’re so annoying,” you grumble under your breath as you swing a leg over his waist. But it feels ten times more awkward to straddle him, and you quickly scramble up to hover above his stomach instead, avoiding his crotch like the plague. There’s a moment of uncomfortable silence. Then—

“Is this normally how you hook up with guys, ___?” Jin asks as he cranes up his head to try to look at you.

You scowl down at him, “Are you questioning my methods?”

“Yup. Stop being so damn awkward and sit down on me already.”

You flush at his word choice, “J-Jin, I—”

But he grows impatient with your hesitance and takes it upon himself to grab you by the hips and yank you down on him so that you straddle him around the hips, making you sit directly on his—

“Jin!” You yell out in indignation, your face as hot as a furnace at this point as you grab at his vast shoulders for balance.

That smug bastard is as unfazed as always, “What?” he says with a cock of an eyebrow.

You tighten your grip on his shoulders, “Nothing,” you spit out, “You’re just really… skinny,” you say, dragging your nails down his torso as a punishment.

He snorts in response and grabs your hands to flatten against his chest, “Does it feel like I’m just skinny?” he says as he forces you to feel the hardness of his pecs.

“Yes,” you growl, “You bony ass bitch.”

His face scrunches into a scowl and he opens his mouth to offer you an undoubtedly biting retort, but at the moment, the front door swings open.

“Hey, ___, I’m back. How are—AH! What is that?” Lei squeals when she realizes that you’re lying on top of a man, “Wait, is that Kim Seokjin?!”

Your best friend awkwardly pops his head out, “Hi.”

“Oh my fucking god… Are you guys hooking up?!”

“…Uh…Yes?”

Jin winces at your robotic answer and tries to make up for it by smoothing a hand up your thigh, making you jump in surprise, “It’s been like a year now,” he informs her, “Where have you been?”

Lei just shakes her head as she puts down her grocery bags on the ground, “I should’ve known. You guys were always too close to just be friends.”

But that comment makes you frown, “What do you mean by that?”

Jin slaps a hand over your mouth, effectively shutting you up before you can question her further, “Just shut up while we’re still ahead,” he growls into your ear, “And fool around with me.”

“What are you talking about?!” you hiss back, alarmed.

Instead of responding, he splays a large hand across your lower back and shoves you flush against him. It takes everything in your power to keep from squealing out in surprise, but when Jin unexpectedly bites down on your earlobe, you can’t help the squeak from bursting out.

“The hell’s wrong with you?” he whispers in your ear, “Can’t you moan like a normal person?”

“I-I’m sorry? I just wasn’t expecting—eep!” you squeal again when he presses a kiss to the sensitive skin under your chin.

He pulls back with a sigh, “Why are you acting like this? You’re the one who wanted to cause a scene, didn’t you?”

“Yes, I did, but I—” You stop there, embarrassed. How can you explain that you were expecting to just roll around, faking it? How naïve could you be?

Jin sighs again, “Fine, you can suck on my neck instead,” he says, craning his head upward to allow you access.

You pause at that, gazing down at the sight before you with wide eyes. Here is the most attractive man you have ever seen in your entire life, laid out before you like a seven-course meal, just waiting for you to have a taste. Your mouth waters, and if not for your crippling embarrassment, you might have dived right in to eat him whole. But this is your best friend… your platonic best friend who has never seen you as a woman. He’s just doing this as a favor to you, and you won’t allow yourself take advantage of the situation and enjoy this too much…

Easier said than done.

The moment you lean your face down, his masculine scent overwhelms you, making you lightheaded at once. You silently say a prayer in your mind, then lean down to press your lips against his neck. It’s a dry kiss—just a peck of your lips to his skin, but it still makes shivers slide down your back. How many times have you imagined touching him like this? Back in the budding years of your friendship during college, this was all you could think about. It would drive you insane, fighting back your urges to touch him, and staying awake at night stewing over your jealousies of his new fling of the week. It can’t be healthy opening this door again, when you’ve been doing so well keeping non-platonic thoughts of your friend out of your mind for so long… But how can you resist?

When Jin makes no sound of protest, you grow bolder, greedily parting your lips, and before you can second-guess yourself, you flick your tongue over his pulse point. There’s a beat of silence, where you realize what you’ve done and crippling embarrassment fills you. You’re just about to sit up and beg for forgiveness, when Jin does something very unexpected. He weaves a hand through your hair and pushes your head closer.

“Jin,” you whisper against his neck, shocked by the action.

He simply hums in response, “Keep going.”

Your heart is fluttering like a little bird in its cage as you silently obey. As though intoxicated, you can’t help but plant a series of open-mouthed kisses across the expanse of his neck, admiring the way his muscles flex as he twists his head to allow you room. But when you graze your teeth across a prominent vein, he suddenly groans.

“Do that again.”

The low, rumbly quality of his voice makes shivers wrack your body as you jump to do as he says. You gently sink your teeth into a patch of skin under his ear and soothe over the bite marks with your tongue until he groans again. You know that the sounds are probably for show—to feign pleasure to your snooping roommate, but you can’t help the way they send heat straight to your core.

Another few seconds of this, and Jin begins to shift from underneath you, presumably from discomfort. Instantly feeling guilty for sitting on him so heavily, you spring up to relieve him of your weight. But you’re a bit fuzzy with arousal and miscalculate your movements, unintentionally sliding down on him further… until your thigh rams into a strange hardness in the left leg of his jeans… wait could that be—?

“Ugh, how long are you two going to continue doing that?!” Lei’s shrill voice breaks you from your reverie.

You spring away from Jin as though burned, “Wh-what?” your voice is trembling, but you can’t help it.

Lei glowers at you from across the room, “I am trying to make dinner here.”

As though completely unperturbed by what had just occurred on the couch, Jin smoothly answers for you, “What’s wrong, Lei?” he asks with a perfectly arched brow, “Does this bother you?”

She glares back, “Not at all,” she spits through gritted teeth. “You know what? I’ll just eat out.” And with that, she snatches her purse off the counter and marches out the door.

You flinch as the door slams after her. Then you turn to stare at Jin with wide eyes, “Oh my god… I can’t believe that actually worked.”

He chuckles, “I told you it would, didn’t I?”

You laugh along with him, even as you peel yourself off his body and slide to the floor, “Thanks, Jin. She actually believed it! Now she’ll think before hooking up with a guy in our common space again!”

“Great. Just let me know if you need my help again,” he says as he rises to his feet.

“Wait, are you going somewhere?” you ask in confusion as you watch him pick up his phone from the coffee table and slip it into his pocket.

“Yeah, I have work in the morning. I should go home and prepare.”

“But I thought we were going to get dinner after this?”

“Next time,” he says as he makes his way to the door.

You’re a bit stung by his cold rejection. He doesn’t even have the decency to look at you as he blows off your dinner plans. Normally, you’d scold him for this kind of behavior, but this time, you’re a bit relieved that he’s leaving after such an awkward encounter.

“Ok. I’ll text you?”

“Yeah. See you later,” and without a second glance, he walks straight out of your apartment.

As soon as the door closes behind him, you collapse into an undignified pile on the ground, groaning weakly and clutching at your still pounding heart. What the hell had happened back there?!

*********************************************************************************

Unfortunately, it becomes apparent over the next week that your ploy with Jin did not work at all. Lei brings home a new guy less than three days after your romp on the couch, and to your utmost dismay, they go at it all night long. You’re basically a walking zombie the next day at school, horrifying your lab mates by the way you hog the French press throughout the entire day.

By the time you finally leave lab that evening, you’d like nothing more than to just faceplant in bed hibernate for about a decade. You trudge into your apartment complex, let yourself in through the front door, and nearly jump out of your skin in surprise at the sight of Kim Seokjin chilling on the couch.

“AHH! You scared me!” You exclaim, clutching your heart in fear, “How did you get in here?!”

“Your doorman recognized me and let me in the building,” Jin informs you, completely unfazed by your dramatic reaction.

“Oh… that makes sense… Wait, no! How did you get into my apartment?!”

“I have a spare key.”

“Oh…” You say, blinking at the realization. Then—“Wait, what?! How do you have a spare key?!”

“Your mom gave me one.”

“She did what?!”

“Shh. Keep your voice down. You’re so noisy,” he says with a wince. “I wouldn’t have had to barge in here if you would just pick up your phone… Why are you so late?”

“Late for what? …Oh shit. We were supposed to have dinner tonight, weren’t we?!” Wide-eyed, you dive for your phone, and sure enough, there are three missed calls, all from Jin. “I’m sorry, I don’t have service on the subway.”

He scoffs, “I could’ve just picked you up from lab.”

You hastily shake your head at the very thought of it, “Seriously, it’s not a big deal…”

“Fine… what do you want to eat?”

You hesitate, “Jin… it’s always nice to eat out with you… but maybe it’d be nicer to get take out?”

He squints at you in suspicion, “What’s up with you?”

Damn! How did he see through you so quickly? You widen your eyes, trying to play innocent, “Nothing! I just… wouldn’t this be more convenient?”

Still, he scrutinizes you from head to toe with those sharp eyes of his, “Why are you saying this? And why do you look so terrible? Do you have manuscript deadlines again?”

“No, that’s not it,” you quickly say, not wanting to worry him.

“Midterms? Bad meeting with your advisor?”

“No, no. None of those. Seriously, don’t worry. I just didn’t sleep well last night and I’m kinda tired.”

He leans forward so far that his nose nearly brushes you, making you instinctively jump back in surprise, “It’s Lei again, isn’t it?”

You freeze at that, like a deer caught in the headlights, “N-no?”

But he sees through you like you’re transparent, “Ugh, so our scheme didn’t work?”

You awkwardly drop your eyes to your feet as vivid memories of what had transpired between the two of you in this very room come flashing back, “No, I don’t think so… But hey at least we tried, right?”

You don’t have to look up to know that he’s boiling with anger, “Hell no!” he curses, “Are you seriously going to let that asshole get away with it? No, we’re just going to have to think bigger!” He dramatically declares.

“Jin…”

“Trust me, ___we’ll make her regret messing around with you like this.”

“Ok…” you warily agree, “If you say so…” but you can’t shake the excitement that bubbles in your chest at the thought of what he has in store for you.

*********************************************************************************

The next day, you find yourself propped up on the kitchen counter with Jin standing between your legs.

“When is Lei coming home?” he asks as he casually rubs his large hands over your thighs.

But you’re too distracted by the feeling of his warm palms on your bare skin that you can’t think, let alone respond. Why did you choose to wear shorts today, of all days…?

“___?” he says your name in confusion when you take too long to respond.

You jerk your head up in surprise, “Y-yes?”

He frowns at your strange behavior, “Your roommate… Lei. When is she coming back?”

“I… um…” you blink hazily at him, too mesmerized by the beauty of his perfectly symmetrical features up close to process his words, “What?”

He raises an eyebrow, and tries to ask the question for the third time, when there’s the sound of a key in the lock. “Hurry and kiss me.”

“W-what?!”

But at that moment, he reaches forward to cup your face in both hands and presses his lips against yours. The door slides open, and Lei curses at what she finds in the kitchen, but you barely notice. You’re too fully engrossed in the heady sensation of Jin’s silken lips sliding against your own.

“Hi guys, I’m home!” Lei practically yells to catch your attention.

Jin pecks your lips one more time before he pulls away to flash her a displeased look over his shoulder, “Hey.” And with that, he leans in to kiss you again.

Normally, you’d be embarrassed by this public display of affection, especially with your best friend of the last half-decade. But you can’t process anything other than the fact that the most beautiful man on planet earth is kissing you… finally. Never in a million years would you have ever predicted such a thing.

“What are you doing?” Jin whispers to you between long, languid kisses, “Kiss me back.”

That makes you realize that you’ve been completely still this whole time, unable to move one inch from fear as you passively accept his kisses. Tentatively, you begin to move your lips against his, but as soon as you reciprocate, Jin suddenly freezes. For a moment, you’re terrified that you’ve offended him somehow. Are you a terrible kisser? Do you disgust him?

But less than half a second passes before he emits a sound from the back of his throat that sounds suspiciously like a moan, then deepens the kiss. Surprised by the action, your hand instinctively flattens against his chest, but you’re unsure if this is to push him back or urge him closer. Jin interprets it as the latter and steps forward until he’s flush against you, forcing you to feel the hard lines of his body.

You must be possessed. There’s no other way to explain it. Why else would you take it upon yourself to explore the firmness of his torso with interest? It is completely unlike you to boldly slip your hands under his thin t-shirt and grope at the tight muscles of his stomach like a fucking pervert.

To make matters worse, Jin doesn’t provide an ounce of resistance as he eagerly arches into your touch and slides his hand from your face to grab at your hips instead. Then, he suddenly grabs at your thighs, forcing them to lock around his waist. And that’s when you feel it again. The strange hardness in his jeans that you felt a week ago during that incident on the couch. And there is no fucking way of mistaking it this time: Kim Seokjin is aroused. He has a fucking boner that you caused. What the fuck is happening?!

At that realization, heady arousal slams into you with the force of a sledgehammer. All you can think about is grinding against his erection. You want to touch him, kiss him, feel him all over. But most of all, you just want to make him feel good. It’s more than a desire at this point, but a raw need. At this point, you are so drunk off the sensations of his hard body pressed against yours and his sinful tongue sliding down your throat that you almost do something very stupid. Your hands dart to his belt, tingling with the need to touch him—

But the hard slam of a door makes you break away from him with a little yelp.

“You guys are fucking disgusting,” Lei mutters under her breath as she escapes to her bedroom.

There’s a brief moment of disoriented tension between you and Jin where all that can be heard in the kitchen is your heavy pants. But then he steps away from you, leaving you cold from the lack of contact.

“Jin…” you whisper in a small voice, “Wh-what was that?”

Despite his harsh breathing, your best friend seems relatively unaffected by what had just transpired between the two of you. He nonchalantly shrugs, “What do you mean?”

You stare at him for a moment, but the sight of his flustered appearance, with his full lips swollen by your kisses and his cheeks tinged a rosy shade of pink, only makes the voracious desire in the pit of your stomach flare with need. You tear your eyes away, “I… I don’t know. I think… I think we may have taken that too far.”

“Whatever. It worked, right?” his tone is unexpectedly cold as he responds.

You glance up in surprise before lowering your gaze again, “Yeah… but what just happened… um… should we talk about it?”

“What’s there to talk about?” he snaps, “We took it too far, right? We’re just friends, right?”

“Right…” you hesitantly reply, wondering what you’ve said to piss him off so much, “Just friends… nothing else… It’s not like we’re attracted to each other or anything crazy like that…” you say, praying that he’ll object to that obvious lie. The burning erection in his pants is undeniable proof otherwise.

He snorts, making you look up in hopeful surprise, “Don’t you even try lying to my face.”

“…Jin?”

“There’s no way you’re not attracted to me, so don’t even try with that bullshit.”

That was not what you were expecting at all. Angered by his arrogance, you flash him the deadliest glare that you can muster, “You’re so full of yourself, Kim Seokjin. Do you really think that every girl in this universe wants to hop on that dick?”

“Of course not,” he smoothly says, “but you clearly do.”

“How is your head so fucking big?” you snap, horrified by how spot-on he is with that assessment. “And look who’s talking: you were hard as a rock, asshole.”

Jin’s eyes pop open, as though shocked that you’ve noticed. “Yeah, so what?” he spits back, even as he awkwardly hovers both hands over his crotch area, “I’m human, of course I’m gonna pop a boner if someone’s fondling me in such a perverse way! Don’t think you’re special.”

Your face heats at the insult, “Really? So you weren’t attracted to me at all? You would’ve just popped a boner for anyone?”

“Yeah, exactly,” he says with a glare, “It’s just like masturbating, isn’t it? Being touched feels good.”

“Great,” you growl, “Well you can go take care of that yourself, dickface.”

“Or you could do it for me.”

That makes you stop in your tracks, “Wh-what?”

He rolls his eyes at your dramatic response, “Don’t get any ideas in that simple little mind of yours. It’ll just feel a bit better than my own hand.”

Anger flares in your chest from his condescending tone, and before you know what you’re doing, you’ve reached over to grab him roughly through the pants. “Does this feel just a bit better than your own hand?” you mock him as you massage his erection with both hands.

Jin licks his swollen bottom lip before shooting you a glare relatively devoid of any real anger, “Barely.”

Your eyes flash, and then you’re reaching into his pants to grab his bare cock. This time, Jin can’t help his instinctive reaction to your touch, doubling over as though he’d been punched, “___!”

You ignore him to squeeze what you can of his length in the restrictive confines of his pants. “Tell me you don’t want this and I’ll stop.”

His eyes dart to yours, “Don’t you fucking dare do that or I swear to god, ___.”

You resist a shiver at the sound of his uncharacteristically deep voice that’s dropped an entire octave with arousal. Drunk on his reactions, you would happily obey, but a new thought pops in your mind about how the two of you aren’t alone. You pause and try to remove your hand from inside his pants, but Jin quickly grabs your wrist, fearful that you might leave him hanging, “Lei could come out and see us,” you remind him in a hushed voice.

He relaxes slightly at that, “Then we’ll go into your room,” And without waiting for a response, he drags you in that direction.

He practically bursts into your bedroom and kicks the door shut behind him. You blush at the sight of your messy, unmade bed, but Jin gives zero fucks as he eagerly sprawls across your sheets and yanks at his belt. As you watch him, you can’t help but feel a bit of trepidation. This is your best friend of half a decade. If you cross this line, you might as well be flushing years of friendship down the toilet. What are you doing right now?

But at that moment, Jin finally gets his belt undone and yanks down his pants and boxers without a second thought, his hard dick instantly bouncing up to slap against his stomach. As soon as your eyes land on his throbbing length, you’re done for. All thoughts about the ethics of this situation drop from your mind as you crawl onto the bed after him, eyes fixated on his bare cock and practically salivating at the sight.

Jin watches you from under hooded lids, seemingly nonchalant as he lays back against your headboards, hands propped behind his head, but when you grab him in your warm hand again, his entire body spasms.

You can’t get over the feeling of him in your hand, so hard and big, yet velvety-soft to the touch. And the way he keeps twitching, as though trying to jump closer to the heat of your hand, is intoxicating.

You gently squeeze him from base to tip, marveling when copious amounts of precum slide down his cock from your action. It slickens your movements, allowing you to give him longer, harder strokes with each passing second.

After a minute or so, Jin suddenly crashes his head back against the wall with a loud groan of frustration. Startled, you look up at him, and nearly jump out of your skin in surprise to find him already staring down at you, his gaze so heated that you feel almost painfully hot in your own skin.

“Jin…” you whisper his name, cringing at the dry, broken quality of your voice. You lick your lips for moisture, ignoring the way his eyes lock on the gesture, and try again, “Jin, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he says, but the word comes out as a strangled groan, “Fuck.”

No matter what bullshit he tries to tell you, you know that he likes this. He likes this a lot, if the way he shivers and pants, his hands clenching and unclenching in the sheets underneath him is any indication. His teeth are gritted so hard that you can see a muscle jumping in his cheek, revealing just how difficult it must be for him to hold back his sounds.

You pout slightly at the realization. You’d like nothing more than to hear him moan for you. But you have a role to play here—you’re supposed to be completely indifferent, and begging for him to moan your name would ruin that purpose, no matter how much you want it. Somehow, you still value your ego more. Just like he does.

So you pump him harder, lowering your eyes to your work to avoid the heat of his gaze, and biting down hard on your bottom lip to resist the urge to taste him… The hot precum leaking from his tip is so tempting, but you force yourself to stay strong. You can���t let him win, like he always does. Not this time. It’s been your mission in life to prove to him that you’re not just another one of his fawning fangirls hanging onto his every word. You refuse to be that person… maybe because you want to be more than just that to him…

If you let your emotions take control right now, then you’ll be doomed. You’ll let him know how much you care… How much you’ve always cared about him. And then he’ll just laugh you off, like probably does with all the other love-struck admirers. You stand no chance. This will be as much as you’ll ever get from him.

And with that in mind, you suddenly slow down your pace, realizing that this is the only chance you’ll get to ever touch him. You close your eyes as you try to remember every detail—the weight of his cock in your hand, the very texture and warmth; his ragged breathing and the way he looks, whole body drenched in sweat. It’s then that you realize with a sinking heart that no man will ever compare. That this is it.

“Fuck, ___,” Jin groans, tearing you away from your thoughts, “Are you trying to kill me?”

You ignore him to wring your fist up his length, paying special attention to the sensitive head of his cock.

Jin curses again, “Fucking hell, ____! Why are you doing this to me?” He shifts in obvious discomfort on the bed, hips lifting towards your stingy touch.

“What do you mean?” you say as you examine his heavy, pulsating erection. It’s so hot and red, you can only imagine that he’s practically at his bursting point. You almost feel sorry for him. But if he hates this so much, he can just get himself off. His hands are just about as good as yours, apparently.

Jin throws his head back and groans deeply when you slide a thumb across his slit, “You’re fucking doing this on purpose, aren’t you?”

“Why would I do that?” you snort, “Aren’t you just getting a little desperate?”

“Yeah, because I want to fucking cum and you’re making it impossible,” he spits back, “Why are you so lazy? Why can’t you put in some fucking effort?”

“I’m just not interested,” You smoothly lie through your teeth, “This is so boring to me.”

“If we’re just friends and you’re not attracted to me whatsoever, then why the fuck are you even doing this?” Jin growls.

He’s got you there. “And if you’re not attracted to me either, then why do you want this so badly?” you shoot back, instead of addressing his question.

“Because your hands are soft and I want to fucking cum on them!” he practically snarls, “Don’t you dare think this has anything to do with you.”

Your nostrils flare in anger, and you’re almost tempted to just drop his cock and stomp out of the room. But that would mean that you’ve let him get under your skin. And you’re determined to not let him affect you one bit.

“Fine,” you snap. And with that, you begin jerking him off as fast as you can.

Jin’s entire form crumples at once, as he practically folds his larger frame over you. He’s a bit slow with his reactions this time and doesn’t have the self-control to hold himself back before a strangled moan tears through the room.

You ignore him and the wetness in your underwear as you impatiently stroke him towards his orgasm. His precum is still flowing, but it’s not quite enough, and you quickly duck your head to spit on him to further lubricate your movements.

Clearly not expecting that, Jin shouts out your name, astonished by the vulgar action, “___!”

“Shut up,” you growl in response, redoubling your efforts. He’s so close right now. You can feel it viscerally as if it was your own pleasure. The way his arms shake with the effort to keep him upright, the way his breathing goes haywire, and the way every muscle in his body tenses like a coil… He’s either on the edge or right there. And true to your expectations, it only takes another minute of your harsh pumping before he’s suddenly latching out to grab you with both hands.

“Fuck!” he shouts, entire body trembling as he bursts all over your hands. Any semblance of self-control disappears at that instant, where he helplessly jerks his hips up into your hand, desperate for more friction.

You patiently stroke him through his orgasm, using his excessive cum as lubrication. He meets you stroke for stroke, and the fluid motions of his hips makes your mouth go dry. You’ve never seen anything so fucking hot as Kim Seokjin when consumed mindless by his powerful orgasm.

But all good things must come to an end, and a few seconds later, he pushes away your hands with a shiver of overstimulation. You reluctantly withdraw and stare down at your cum-coated hands. For a second, you’re nearly overcome with the need to taste him by sucking his cum off of your fingers one by one. Somehow, you resist and reach over to pluck a few tissues from the nightstand, “Ew.”

Jin is still breathing too hard to respond. He shakily brushes his sweaty bangs off his forehead and tucks his spent length back in his pants, “Sh-shut up.”

You ignore him to reach for the hand sanitizer instead, intentionally rubbing it on in front of him to prove a point.

A heavy silence suffuses the room, and you have no idea how to address it as you carry on with your act. You realize that the logical course of action is to kick him out of your apartment… But you don’t really want to do that.

“Come on,” Jin says, breaking through the tension, “Lie on your back. I’ll eat you out or something.”

But the way he says it makes it sound like a chore, and your face heats at the implication, “Forget it, asshole. Don’t even front. I know what a selfish bastard you are.”

His brow furrows with indignation, “What the fuck? I’ll prove to you just how wrong you are. Get on your back, kid.”

Clearly that was the wrong thing to say to him as it just encouraged his competitive drive. You try a different approach, “No way. Why do you think I would ever want that?”

“Are you still playing this game? Calm down and let me rub one out for you.”

His crassness makes you shrivel up in embarrassment. There’s nothing you’d want more, but you know that the moment you drop your pants, he’ll realize how turned on you are… You’ve already soaked through your panties at this point, and you wouldn’t be surprised if you left a stain against the bed sheets. And he can’t know how aroused you are from just pleasuring him. You would never survive the embarrassment.

“Stop it,” you say, “Just leave me alone.”

You’re not sure if you’re more relieved or disappointed when he concedes. “Fine,” he bites out, “I didn’t want to go through that effort anyways, so you spared me.”

That stings more than it should. “Whatever. Just go home, asshole.”

Jin doesn’t even look at you as he angrily buttons his pants and yanks his clothes back into place. Then, without sparing you a single word, he marches straight out of your bedroom. You count down from ten in your head, and the moment you hear the front door slam shut, you collapse onto your bed with a deep groan. It feels like all the energy has left your body, making you feel exhausted enough to sleep for a decade.

What you had just done to Jin… That was single-handedly the sexiest experience of your life. And yet… why do you feel so empty?

*********************************************************************************

You don’t speak to Jin for the next week. For most friends, this is a pretty normal occurrence. But you and Jin are so close that it’s odd to not speak to him for even a day, much less an entire week. The first few days are tough. You almost forget that you’re fighting multiple times throughout the week, and pick up your phone to complain to him about the harsh feedback your advisor’s sent you, or the annoying thing Lei’s done this time, before you collect yourself.

But when the 10-day mark rolls by, you feel your defenses crumbling. You find yourself pausing in the hallway outside of your apartment, staring down at your dry phone with a frown. Normally Fridays are your bi-weekly dinner dates with Jin. It’s been a tradition between the two of you since you were in your second year of university. Surely, he wouldn’t be petty enough to forget this… right?

You’re about to pull up Jin’s contact in your phone to call him when a family of four nearly plow you over in their hurry to the elevator.

“Sorry, Miss!” the frazzled mother yells out before she shoos her children into the elevator.

It’s too hazardous to stand out here in the busy hallway, so you quickly unlock the front door of your apartment unit and let yourself in before hitting the green “call” button. You’re just about to toss your keys on the counter when a loud vibration makes you jump in surprise. Oh, you thought you were home alone. Lei was supposed to be out until late tonight. You look up to greet her, but the smile slides right off your face when you find someone much bigger than Lei sitting in the living room. The keys slip between your fingers to fall to the ground with a loud clatter.

“Oh, shit.”

But Jin beats you to it, rushing across the room to pick up your fallen keys for you, “Here,” he says as he hands them to you.

“Thanks,” you resist the urge to shiver as his fingers brush yours. Then you drop your gaze to your feet, too overwhelmed by his sudden appearance to look him in the eye, “Jin, what are you doing here?”

“Tch, don’t tell me you forgot about our dinner night?”

You peek up at him in embarrassment, “Really…? You’re not still mad at me?”

He rolls his eyes at that, “How can I be mad at you for something so stupid? Come on. Put down your backpack and let’s go.”

Suddenly overwhelmed with emotion, you lurch forward to throw your arms around his neck in a painfully tight embrace, “I’m sorry, Jin!”

He chuckles as he hugs you back, “Don’t be, ___... Seriously. Don’t be.”

You’re not sure what he means by that, but you don’t care. All you know is that you have your best friend back, “Let’s never do anything so stupid again.”

His smile doesn’t reach his eyes when he finally lets you go, “If you say so.”

*********************************************************************************

Jin insists on walking you back to your apartment after dinner (even though his car is parked just on the curb), and you decide that it’s only proper to invite him in for a drink. But as Jin watches you fumble around in the kitchen with a beer in his hand, he suddenly shoots you with an unexpected question:

“Hey, ___, have you ever thought about me as more than a friend?”

You nearly drop the glass you had been cleaning in shock, “Wh-what?”

“We’ve been friends for a long time. Surely you must have thought about it one time or the other?” he calls out as casually as if he was discussing the weather.

You slowly put down the glass as you deliberate your next words carefully. But how can you evade the question without straight-up lying to his face? “I… I’m not sure why you’re asking me that,” you slowly say.

Jin sighs deeply and plops down his beer on the coffee table, “Stop cleaning and come sit with me for a second.”

There’s no way you can reject that simple request without appearing suspicious, so you reluctantly wipe your hands and join him, “What’s up, Jin?” you ask as you cautiously take a seat next to him on the couch and fold your legs underneath yourself.

He pauses for a moment, fiddling with the hem of his oversized cream sweater, before speaking, “I know that I’m not your type. That’s what you’ve been telling me since we first met. But surely over the past five years that we’ve been friends, it must have crossed your mind at one point or the other, right?”

You gnaw on your bottom lip, unsure of his intentions behind this line of questioning, but terrified, nevertheless, “I’m not sure what you mean, Jin.”

He sighs in frustration before trying again, “Come on, ___. You can be honest here… Have you ever thought about fucking me?”

Your mouth instantly goes dry at his question, and for a moment it feels like you can’t breathe. “Wh-what are you--? Why… I-I never!” you choke on your words, then hurriedly backtrack to try to fix your mistake, “I mean, I’m not blind. I can admit that you’re objectively hot, but that doesn’t mean that I want to—” You break off, embarrassed beyond belief, “God, Jin! Where the hell is this coming from?!”

But the tall dark-haired man purses his lips together tightly and steamrolls on, “Really, ___? So you’re trying to tell me that in our five years of friendship, not once did you ever think about me sexually?”

You take a moment to inhale deeply and brace yourself, “Never,” you lie through your teeth.

His eyes narrow, “Really?”

“Really.”

He cocks his head to the side as he considers you, brow furrowed as though deep in thought. Then, he unexpectedly lets out a bark of laughter, “Bullshit.”

Your eyes widen in shock, “Excuse me?”

“You heard me. Bullshit,” he growls, “I know it’s not all in my head. I know that you want me, ___.”

Your face heats with indignation, “What the fuck’s gotten into you these days?!” you seethe, “I know how you act with the other girls, but can you keep your oversized ego in check with me at least?!”

“Fine, if you’re not the least bit attracted to me, then come here,” he says, grabbing you by the hands to drag you closer to him on the couch so that your thighs touch, “Do you really feel nothing when I’m this close to you?”

“No!” You exclaim at once, though you can’t help the way your body floods with warmth at the feeling of his hands on your skin.

“Really? Look at me, ___. You seriously don’t want to kiss me right now?”

“No, not at all!” you shriek as you try to rip your hands out of his grip, but he’s a lot stronger than you expected.

“So what you’re trying to say is that you feel nothing for me,” he presses on, a strange desperation flashing in his eyes before he quickly masks it, “There is absolutely no attraction between us, and you’ll only ever see me as a friend?”

“Yes,” you lie, since it’s all you’re good at, “I don’t like you, Seokjin, and I never will.”

At that, he drops your wrists as though burned, “Alright,” he mutters in a bitter tone, “I understand.”

You suck in a deep breath through your teeth to try to calm your pounding heart. It doesn’t work. “Good,” you whisper in a hoarse tone. Then you rise to your knees and smash your lips to his.

Jin is completely still for the longest, most devastating second of your life. You’re about to furiously apologize then throw yourself out the window in disgrace when he suddenly grabs you by the back of the neck and forcibly deepens the kiss. And then his tongue is in your mouth, boldly pressing past your teeth and curling with yours as his fingers tighten around your neck, holding you captive.

His kisses are nothing like the modest, chaste ones he gave you in the kitchen a week and a half ago. This time he’s on the edge of violent, devouring you whole and holding onto you so hard that you have zero chance of escape. It’s as though he’s afraid that you might try to leave again. But you wouldn’t even if you could. Because this has been five whole years in the making. You’ve wanted him since the first time you laid eyes on him. And now that you’ve finally got him…

You feel like you’re drowning under the heat of his touch. It’s like the blood rushing through your veins has turned to molten lava, burning you from the inside out. You’re completely powerless as you get swept up by your desires, like a leaf in the wind. All you can do is relish the sensations, clinging onto Jin with both hands as you silently beg him for more.

And he does not disappoint. Without missing a beat or breaking the heated kiss, Jin shoves both hands up your shirt, hot fingers trailing along your stomach and ribcage for a second before he boldly grabs your breasts. You gasp into his mouth in surprise, and the sound turns into a guttural moan when Jin slides his mouth from yours to suck deep bruises into the tender skin under your jaw. The multitude of sensations leaves you breathless. But before you can rip off your shirt to allow him better access, Jin suddenly jumps up and hauls you off your feet with formidable strength you weren’t aware he possessed.

His lips are on yours again before you can comment on this new development, distracting you with hot kisses until your back hits something springy. You break from the kiss with a yelp of surprise to find yourself in your bedroom, pressed flat against your messy sheets as Jin continues to mouth at the crook of your neck. Somehow, he had carried you to your room when you were unaware. And now that he’s not limited by the awkward positioning of your bodies on the couch, he’s able to lower himself on top of you, trapping you under his broad frame with no restrictions.

“Jin!” You yell out in shock when a shift of his hips has you feeling the painfully hard erection in his jeans for the first time.

He ignores you to yank on one of your legs, forcing it to wrap around his waist and allowing himself surface area to grind against as he loses himself to his lust. And then it hits you like a slap to the face that this is actually happening. That this isn’t going to be some casual make out session or another quick handjob. That after all of these years of fantasizing and waiting, you’re finally going to have sex with Kim Seokjin. This is actually happening.

“Seokjin,” you murmur his name when he begins nipping down to your cleavage, making him freeze in his tracks.

“…Yes?” He asks as he stares up at you with fearful wide eyes. You instantly recognize the trepidation in them, confusing you for a moment before awareness dawns upon you. He’s scared… because he thinks that you might ask him to stop. And you know that he would. He would do it in a heartbeat if that’s what you wanted. But he’s so aroused that it wouldn’t be anything short of excruciating.

So you giggle softly to dispel his fears and affectionately lean up to nip his earlobe, “Take off your clothes, Jin,” you whisper in his ear.

Your sultry request incites something within him, because less than a second passes before he’s shooting up onto his haunches and ripping off his clothes at lightning speed. You gasp out loud at the sight of his bare chest, hungry fingers darting to touch the hard muscle, but before you can make contact, Jin pushes your hands away to undress you as well. In a blink of an eye, your shirt hits the ground along with your bra. Jin pauses for a moment there, distracted by the mouthwatering sight of your breasts, but quickly refocuses when you wiggle out of your jeans and carelessly kick them off to the ground, leaving you decked in only a pair of thin cotton underwear. And together, the two of you peel them off your legs, leaving you entirely naked before him.

“Fuck,” he curses, eyes shamelessly devouring you from head to toe as he runs his tongue over his lips over and over, practically salivating at the sight of your bare body spread out across the sheets.

Embarrassed, you try to cover yourself with your hands, “Jin…”

He possessively rips your hands from your body and pins them above your head, “Don’t you dare cover yourself from me,” he growls before covering your lips with his swollen red ones again.

His grip is as strong as steel around your wrists and you couldn’t break free even if you wanted to. You never knew that your handsome, princely best friend possessed such strength, and it’s sexy to say the least. He had always seemed almost delicate, like he would be flimsy in bed, but you could’ve have been more wrong. It feels like a wall of concrete is closing in on you, surprisingly well-defined muscles rippling with every movement, and you feel light-headed from the intensity of your arousal.

“Fuck me, Jin,” you beg as you careen your hips up for friction.

He curses softly at this, but somehow resists, instead slipping his hand down to cup your mound, “How are you so fucking wet?” he asks in shock as he easily slides a finger inside of you.

You clench down on him at once, moaning at the sensations when he begins curling his finger inside of you. But it’s not enough. Not when you know how big and thick his cock is, and how much more nicely it’d fill you up than his slender fingers. “Seokjin,” you whine, “Please just fuck me.”

He bites down on his plump bottom lip at that, but somehow manages to refuse you with a shake of his head, “No. I gotta stretch you out first, baby. So I don’t hurt you.”

“I can take it, Jin!” you exclaim, practically thrashing underneath him when he slips another finger inside of you, rocking them both up against your g-spot in a way that makes you see stars in your vision.

Jin groans softly as you clench around him as hard as you can, clearly imagining his dick in the place of his fingers… which he could easily have, if he wasn’t so damn stubborn. “N-not yet,” he says, but the tremble of his voice gives him away.

“Please!” you mindlessly beg, “I want your dick so bad, I’m going to die if you don’t fuck me right now! Please, Jin!”

He falters at that, and when you lean up to bite down at the thick muscle of his neck, Jin’s resolve crumbles entirely. “Fuck, okay,” he breathlessly agrees, and with one last harsh twist of his thumb against your clit, he rises onto his knees to yank at his belt. “Get a condom.”

You’re so distracted by the residues of pleasure that continue to buzz in your system that you can’t process his words for a moment. But when you finally do, you hastily shake your head, horrified by the very thought, “I’m on birth control… And we know each other. You’re clean, right?”

“Yes, of course!”

“Then please cum inside of me, Seokjin,” you purr, wrapping both legs around his waist and rubbing your drenched slit against the front of his crotch.

His eyes darken at that, and in a blink of an eye, he has his jeans and underwear shoved to mid-thigh and his burning hot erection gripped in his hand. You can’t help the gasp that tears from your throat at the sight. He’s bigger than you remember. Not only is he long, but unbelievably wide in girth. You like dick as much as anyone else, but this is almost excessive. For a split second, trepidation breaks through the cloud of arousal. There’s no way he will fit… not without a great deal of pain, at least.

Jin senses your hesitation, and he lowers his head to give you a soft, reassuring kiss, “I told you to give me time to stretch you out,” he says as he gently slides the flat of his cock against your pussy lips.

That snaps you out of it, and you quickly shake your head, absolutely resolute as you spread your thighs for him, “I don’t care. Do it next time. Right now, I just need you to fuck me before I go insane!”

Jin pauses at that, “Next time…?”

You ignore him to lift your hips up, grinding your sopping wet pussy against his dick, “Please just put it in, Jin!”

He chokes back a groan at that and licks his lips, “Fuck, alright.” And his former line of questioning lost through this distraction, he shakily presses the head of his cock against your entrance, biting down hard on his bottom lip when it pops past the barrier, allowing him to sink in a good inch or two before he forces himself to stop. “A-are you okay?” he asks, voice quivering as hard as the arms trying to brace themselves on either side of your head.

It’s a bit uncomfortable having your entrance stretched this wide to accommodate his girth, but it’s not intolerable. So you nod your head and spread your legs wider, allowing him a full two more inches into your delicious heat before you press a hand against his stomach to stop him. “Ow, give me a moment,” you say with a wince.

He jerks his head in a curt nod, trying to be respectful of your needs, even as his hands grip around the sheets tightly enough to turn his knuckles white. In the minute he allows you, he restlessly noses around your neck, darting his tongue out to taste random spots, as though seeking any distraction to keep from shoving the rest of his cock inside of you like he desperately desires.

Taking pity on him, you raise your hips to meet his until you’ve got nearly half of his enormous cock inside of you. Already, it’s a bit more of a stretch than you can handle, and your body automatically attempts to push this foreign item out of you by tightening and squeezing around him. It’s completely instinctive, like a knee-jerk reflex, and you realize too late that it’s the absolute worst thing you could do to a man with his self-control shred to tatters.

The moment he feels your walls clamping around him as tight as a vice, Jin throws his head back with a gasp, then slams the rest of his length inside of you with a single jerk of his hips.

You’re suddenly overwhelmed, filled to the hilt, and you’re sure he’s hit your cervix by the sharp pain that stabs your lower stomach upon impact, but you wouldn’t dare stop him. Even the pain is poignant, the sharpness chased by the sweetest aftertaste of pleasure that has you hungry for more.

“A-are you okay?” he breathlessly asks, even as he begins to surge forward in your heat, hips immediately picking up a rapid pace.

“Yes!” You yell out, “Please don’t stop.”

“Fuck,” he curses as he digs his fingers into your thighs hard enough to bruise. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, you feel so good.”

You wrap your legs tighter around his narrow waist in response, silently urging him on as he literally fucks the thoughts out of your mind. As a result, neither of you notice the bang of the front door swinging open until a voice calls out—

“___, I’m home!”

You stiffen at the sound of Lei’s voice and dig your nails into Jin’s back to keep him from moving, “Shit,” you whisper, eyes wide with fear at getting caught, “We need to be quiet!”

Jin’s hot pants fill the air as he struggles to hold himself still inside of your hot pussy when all he wants to do is fuck you into oblivion. He manages exactly ten seconds before his eyes flash dangerously, “Fuck that shit,” and with that, he pulls back on his heels and slams into you so hard that your entire body knocks back into the headboard, and a scream of his name come tearing from the back of your throat before you can help it.

“Seokjin!”

There’s the sound of something clanging noisily as it hits the ground in the other room, followed by Lei’s cursing, “What the fuck…?”

Jin laughs under his breath as he continues to drill into you, delighting in the shrieks and bubbles of noise you helplessly emit. “Fuck, ____,” he moans dramatically, so that his voice can be heard through the thin walls, “You feel so good.”

You bite down on your bottom lip to hold back your laughter as you catch onto his wicked plan, “Oh Jin, please fuck me harder!” you wantonly moan at the top of your lungs, “Harder, baby, harder!”

Jin flashes you a brilliant grin before reaching up to bang his fist against the headboard, the loud thuds echoing throughout the room, “Like this, baby?” he half-yells, even though he has fallen motionless inside of you.

“Fuck yes!” You scream so loudly that even Jin jumps in surprise.

That is the last straw, and a second later, you hear the front door opening, “You guys are fucking disgusting!” Lei shrieks in the shrillest voice imaginable before slamming the door shut.

There’s a brief moment of silence before Jin blinks at you, “Do you think we finally got your revenge?”

“I sure hope so… What more can we do?”

A stunning smile stretches across Jin’s handsome face as he peers down at you, “Want to take this to her bed instead?”

You stare at him with huge eyes for split second, shocked beyond belief. He stares back with a raised eyebrow. Then, the tension breaks and the two of you burst into hysterical laughter.

“This is crazy!” you yelp as tears fill your eyes from how hard you’re laughing. This whole thing is just so ridiculous! Not in a million years did you ever imagine yourself to end up in such a wild situation! You clutch your aching tummy as you continue to be overcome by peals of laughter, and as a result, you don’t notice that Jin has fallen deathly silent until he suddenly grabs you by the hips with a snarl.

The laughter dies in your chest as you take in the sudden intensity of his cold stare, “Jin…?”

He tightens his grip around your hips when you shift around to try to look at him better, “Stop. Fucking. Moving.”

You instantly obey, freezing to ice as the implications of his words hit you like a ton of bricks. Your hearty laughter, with him buried deep inside of you, has probably shaken him up in the most agonizing way possible… Flustered, you nervously chuckle, unintentionally constricting and vibrating around his cock again.

Jin falls on top of you with a tortured groan, hands sinking into the pillow on either side of your head as he helplessly drives his hips forward into your warmth, “I thought I told you to stop moving,” he hisses as he pulls out just to ram himself inside of you, up to the hilt. And just like that, the tension breaks as the desire to cum rushes back, ten-fold.

“Oh my god, Jin,” you groan as he begins to mercilessly pound you into the mattress, “How are you so fucking big?”

He chuckles breathlessly, “I hope you’re not in too much pain in the morning.”

“I’ve already lost feeling in my legs,” you say, even as you wrap them tighter around his lithe waist, “What is this damn elephant trunk of yours?

That makes him laugh again, sweaty face flushing with a tint of pink, “I’m sorry baby girl.”

“Don’t be,” you groan, “Because it’s fucking awesome.”

“I promise I’ll be gentler next time,” he guarantees you through heavy pants, “But right now… I need to cum… fuck, I’m so close, ___.”

“Me too,” you groan, blindly lifting your hips for more. And as a result, you’re too dazed by your need for an orgasm to process the meaning behind his words. This whole situation should be unbearably uncomfortable and weird—you’re fucking your best friend of half a decade, after all. But for some reason, it feels right. Like you were meant to have him buried in your pussy. You’ve never known what empty felt like until now that you’ve finally experienced the ecstasy of complete fullness.

Warmth is bursting at the seams of your legs, coloring your vision a rosy tint, but still, it’s not quite enough. So you slip a hand between your sweaty bodies, seeking that extra boost that will send you off the edge. But before you can rub yourself to completion, a hand knocks yours to the side.

“Let me,” Jin offers, brow wrinkled in concern as he resumes drawing circles around your clit for you. It takes you a second to recognize the emotion on his face as jealousy—over your own touch on your body. It’s so childish and yet endearing that you can’t help but laugh at his illogical reaction. However, your amusement quickly dies in your chest when Jin vindictively digs his thumb into your clit with the perfect amount of pressure, sending you catapulting towards your orgasm so fast, you experience whiplash.

“Oh my god,” you whimper as you trash from underneath him, practically bucking him off, “I’m going to cum!”

Jin moans from deep in his chest in response to your warning and leans down to suck a hickey into your neck, “Do it,” he breathlessly commands you, “Cum for me now.”

Like a puppet on a string, your body automatically obeys, and with just one last hard slam of his cock into your fluttering walls, you squeeze your eyes shut and cum all over him. The white-hot pleasure overwhelms you, filling every cell of your body with blinding light such that your mind blanks entirely. Consequently, you’re too caught up in your own pleasure to notice when Jin stiffens above you, his own release triggered by the sudden vice-like clamping of your walls over his dick. He cums noisily, grunting your name and spitting various curses as he snaps his hips back and forth, riding out his orgasm in bliss.

When he’s emptied every last bit of his hot semen inside of you, Jin finally pulls out with a deep sigh of contentment. There’s a few minutes of blessed silence where the two of you simply lie there, nuzzling into each other with soft kisses, and listening to your racing hearts slow. You feel sluggish with exhaustion in the aftermath of your orgasmic bliss. And it feels so nice to have Jin gently mouthing at your neck as he holds you close to his body, both arms looped possessively around your waist like he never wants to let you go. Your eyes feel so heavy that you can’t help but close them, as you reason with yourself that it couldn’t hurt to doze off for just a few minutes…

But of course Jin has to go and ruin the peaceful atmosphere with his big, fat mouth.

“See? I knew you were attracted to me,” he chuckles, voice muffled by your skin.

And just like that, the mood breaks and your jaw drops with indignation, “What the hell?” you angrily shove him off of you.

Bewildered by your sudden shift in mood, Jin nevertheless rolls over onto his back, “Huh? ___, what’s wrong?”

“How are you so fucking arrogant, Kim Seokjin?” you growl as you hunt for your clothes.

“What? No, I’m not!” He protests in confusion, “How is it arrogance when I’m just stating facts? You’re clearly attracted to me! Why else would you have jumped me like some kind of feral animal?!”

Your face grows hot at the unflattering reminder, “Oh my god, shut up, Jin. I must have had a minor stroke or something. I don’t know what else could have possessed me to act in that a way. I’m such a basic bitch!”

“Why are you acting this way? It was good, wasn’t it?” he asks with a touch of defensiveness.

It was more than good. It was amazing. Mind-blowing, really. But there’s no way in hell you’ll boost his ego by letting him know that. “You have a big dick, I’ll give you that. But that doesn’t mean shit.”

He colors at your insult, “And you think you’re all that? All you did was lie down and take it, ___. I might as well have been fucking a ragdoll or something.”

“Oh yeah? Well look at you, asshole. I gave you a handjob and let you fuck my pussy. And what did I get in return? Just a bruised cervix.”

Jin splutters at the complete unfairness of your words, “B-but—what are you even—I tried to reciprocate, but you wouldn’t let me!”

You choose to ignore that, “All I hear are excuses! I seriously can’t believe you, Jin. Were you honestly expecting me to fall to my knees and thank you for blessing me with your dick?”

“Why not?” he hotly shoots back, “You were literally begging me to fuck you earlier. I think you could show a bit more appreciation.”

You heat up further as you remember the shit you said in bed, but you resolutely refuse to allow any embarrassment or weakness to show in front of him, “I don’t know who you think I am, Kim Seokjin. But I’m not one of your fangirls who pray that you’ll look in their direction, and allow you to use them like disposable sex dolls. That won’t work with me. I’m more than that. Jin, you know I am,” you say, hoping that he will agree with your statement.

To your disappointment, he snorts in derision, “Yeah right. You may pretend to be all high and mighty, but I know you’re just as thirsty for this dick as the rest of them. Just admit it, babe.”

Your ego is torn to shreds, yet you make you last attempt, desperate to not let this opportunity slip past you, “I won’t be another one of your playthings, Jin. I deserve better.” There’s a brief moment of silence following your confession. You’ve wanted to say this since you first caught feelings for him all the way back during college, and the fact that you’ve finally gotten this off your chest is both liberating and completely terrifying. You know that your chances are slim at best, but you can’t help but hope against hope.

“Tch, whatever,” is Jin’s gruff response when he finally catches his breath, “Fuck you too.” And with that, he collects his clothes and stomps out of your bedroom.

You sit there for a long time after he leaves, helplessly staring after him. Not even in your wildest dreams or most frightening nightmares could you have ever predicted him reacting in this way. With all of your years of friendship, you actually believed him to care about you. So his blunt, heartless rejection is agonizing to say the least. You had expected an awkward rejection—maybe a half-assed hug and a promise that you’d find someone else at worst. But you have never witnessed such coldness from this man who you had considered to be your best friend.

Suddenly wracked with shivers, you slowly slide under the covers and pull them over your head. The remnants of his cum is still seeping out of you, sliding down your leg to stain your sheets, but you’re too numb to care. You can only lie there and stare up at the ceiling as you fight the urge to cry.

*********************************************************************************

You can’t bring yourself to crawl out of bed the next morning until nearly noon. You know that you look like a hot mess with your hair matted and eyes swollen from crying. All you want to do is grab a glass of water from the kitchen to keep from dehydration, then spend the rest of the day cooped up in your bed.

Unfortunately, as you pour yourself water in the kitchen, Lei hears the commotion from her bedroom, and hurriedly rushes out to intercept you.

“___!” She yells your name, making you cringe.

God, you really need to get your own apartment… You take another long swallow of your water before you slowly put the glass down, “…Yes?”

She places both hands on her hips, clearly upset with you for some reason you can’t fathom, “How dare you pull a stunt like that last night!”

You wince at the volume of her voice, “What do you mean?” you ask, glancing longingly past her to the open door of your bedroom.

“Don’t you even try to play dumb, ___! That stunt you pulled with Seokjin! How could you do that to me?!”

“What the hell are you even talking about?” Irritation fills you for the first time at her hypocrisy, “Maybe we were a little loud, but so what? You bring home men all the time!”

“That’s not what I’m pissed about!” She says with a childish stomp of her foot, “Are you kidding me right now, ___?!”

“Lei, I really have no idea what you’re trying to say!” you exclaim, frustrated by this situation. Why is she acting up like this when you’re already feeling so miserable?

“You can’t possibly be this dense!” she practically shrieks at you, making you heat with anger, “I don’t care if you hook up with random guys! I care if it’s Kim Seokjin!”

“Why?” You yell back, “What’s so different about that asshole?!”

“What’s so different?” Lei repeats, dumbfounded, “Are you fucking—he’s different because I liked him!”

It takes a few seconds for you to process her unexpected confession. You open your mouth, as though to reply, but your words fail you. Instead you’re left gaping at her like a fish out of water as you try to wrap your mind around this. “Wh-what?” you finally croak out, “Lei, what are you even saying?”

“Don’t even try to play dumb,” she huffs, “I know how close you are to Seokjin. I bet he told you fucking everything! That lying bastard… Can you believe he rejected me by saying that he didn’t want to ruin our friendship, but then he goes and screws around with you just a year later?!”

You’re still reeling. “Hold on,” you say as you dig your fingers into your suddenly aching temples, “I need a moment to process this…”

But Lei ignores you to continue ranting, “Seokjin is an asshole, and we all know this. I’m not surprised. And I don’t care if you’re dating now. That’s fine. I don’t even care that you guys show your sickening PDA in front of me… But to fuck the guy who you knew I liked so noisily when you knew I was home?! Now that’s actually messed up, ___.”

You wince at the accusation, “It’s not like that, Lei. I seriously didn’t know!”

Your roommate sniffs loudly, “Yeah right, bitch. I hope that you’re pleased with yourself,” and with that, she turns dramatically on her heel to march out of the apartment.

“Wait, where are you going?!” You anxiously call after her.

“To fuck Jung Hoseok!” She informs you with a perfect flick of her long curls over a shoulder.

You flinch in shock, “Wait, you’ve fucked him too?”

“I guess he got tired of waiting for you,” she snickers before she slams the door shut.

You stare at the front door for a few seconds, contemplating your next course of action. What you really want to do is chase after your roommate and clarify this huge misunderstanding with her, but it’s clear that she won’t be receptive to anything you’re saying right now. So you decide to put that problem on the backburner. But for the meantime…

Your expression darkens as you pull out your phone to scroll to Jin’s contact. Done with being sad, your tears have all dried up and now you’re just pissed. Time to get some answers from this shady fuckboi.

*********************************************************************************

“Oh,” Jin’s eyes widen at the sight of you on his front door step less than half an hour later, “___... when you said that we needed to talk over the phone earlier, I didn’t realize that you meant in person… and right now.”

“Why? Is not a bad time?”

He shakes his head and moves out of the way, “No, please come in.”

You remove your shoes at the entrance before slowly walking across the vast apartment and taking a careful seat on his expensive leather couch. He lives by himself in a luxury apartment tower in the heart of the city. This is what happens when you don’t make the poor decision of entering a six-year doctoral program and living in near-poverty conditions until you’re thirty. Must be nice…

“How did you even get in here?” Jin asks as he pops open two beers from the fridge and hands you one.

You gratefully accept the icy beverage, “The security guard let me in.”

“What? Why?!”

You shrug as you take a sip, “I dunno. He seems to think that I live with you.”

“Oh… That’s weird.”

“Yeah…”

Things between the two of you are still awkward from the events of last night. All you can think about when you look at him is how good he looked in your bed, drenched in sweat and swollen red lips parted in pleasure. But the heat rising in your blood quickly chills over when you remember the way he had rejected you and crushed your ego mere moments afterwards.

“I had a really interesting discussion with Lei earlier today,” you say as you take another cautious sip of your beer.

“Oh?” His eyebrows raise in surprise, “About what?”

“About something that transpired between the two of you last year…”

“Oh…?” He folds his hands awkwardly in his lap, and it might just be your imagination, but does he suddenly look nervous?

You twist in your seat to face him, “Jin… why didn’t you tell me that Lei asked you out?”

His face blanches at the accusation and it seems like he wants to deny it at first, but thinks better of it, “I… I just… I mean, I didn’t see the importance of bringing up something like that…”

“How is it not important?” You snap back, temper rising, “Lei is my roommate. And you’re supposed to be my best friend! How could you have kept such a thing from me?”

He shrugs and drops his gaze to his lap, clearly abashed, “I dunno… It just wasn’t a big deal…”

“Of course it’s a big deal!” You practically yell at him, horrified by his heartlessness, “And to fool around with me in front of her when you knew she liked you?! How could you have done such a thing?!”

His ears are flushed pink at this point, “You’re right. I’m an asshole. I deserve this…”

But his apology still doesn’t explain shit. “You’re not normally like this!” You exclaim in frustration, “Why are you acting all shady and weird?! This isn’t like you!”

He shrugs again, unable to make eye contact at this point even if he wanted to. His broad form is shriveled up with shame, making him look like a little boy caught stealing. “I don’t know…”

That answer isn’t good enough, “Cut the bullshit, Kim Seokjin!” you growl at him, “And just tell me, once and for all: Why didn’t you tell me about Lei?!”

He chews his plush bottom lip for a few seconds as he mulls over his answer, “Because I didn’t want to,” he finally admits.

You’re practically tearing out your hair at this point, “And why’s that?!”

“I just didn’t want to!”

“Why the fuck not?!”

“Because I was afraid that you would never date me if you knew!”

The confession hits you like a slap of icy water in the face. It’s so unexpected, so completely disorienting that you can’t even wrap your mind around it. For a moment, you fear that you’ve misunderstood, “…What did you say?”

Jin’s entire face is as red as a tomato with embarrassment, but with enormous courage, he forces himself to venture on, “You’re a loyal person, ___,” he says in a small voice, “I’ve known you for five years now, and I know that you value your friendships above all else… Chicks over dicks, right?” he says with a humorless chuckle, “I knew that if you ever found out about Lei having feelings for me, that I’d be off-limits. And then I’d never have a chance with you!”

Oh god… What is he even saying right now? Could the great Kim Seokjin, the ultimate playboy with girls throwing themselves at his feet, begging for a chance, actually have feelings for you…? This can’t be real. “Jin…” you whisper his name, “Do you… do you like me?”

He winces at your question and buries his burning hot face in his hands, unable to respond except for a stiff nod of his head, “More than that…” he finally manages to choke out.

Your world spins dizzily around you, and you’re grateful that you’re sitting, otherwise you might have fallen over with the way your knees suddenly weaken to mush. “B-but… but why haven’t you ever said anything to me?” You croak, trying to process this bewildering situation, but it still feels like you’re in a dream.

“And get my heart broken?” he snorts, derisive, “No thank you.”

“How are you so positive that I’d reject you?” You ask, looking up at him in confusion.

“Are you serious, ___?” he says in astonishment, “You’re the one who tells me every day how you’re not attracted to me. And that you only see me as a friend.”

You flush at the accuracy of his words, “Yes, but that’s because you’re a fuckboy! All you do is hookup, and you don’t care for relationships.”

“Maybe that’s because I’ve been waiting for the right one.”

That statement takes your breath away, “But… b-but,” you stammer, “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Why does it matter?” he bitterly counters, “You never reciprocated my feelings, and I’m not good enough for you, so why bother?”

“What?!” you explode at that. You’ve never heard anything so untrue. “What the hell are you talking about?! No one said that!”

“You have!”

Your face scrunches into a deep scowl, “What the fuck? No way! I would never say something like that!”

“Are you kidding me?! ___, you literally just said this to my face last night!”

“I did not! Do you have listening comprehension problems or something? Because there’s no way I would ever—”

“ ‘I deserve better’,” He spits out, quoting you word-for-word, “I get it… And I agree, okay? You do deserve someone better than me. But saying that to me like ten minutes after my dream of getting to touch you finally came true… That was too cruel, ___. Even you have to admit that.”

You’re so taken aback by his rant that you can’t even speak for the next few seconds. All this time… through the past five years of friendship and secret longing… this was all due to a simple misunderstanding? For a frightening moment, you fear that you might cry.

“Jin,” you whisper in a strained tone when you finally find your voice again. He peeks up at you in curiosity. You take a deep breath to stay calm, then firmly place both hands on his shoulders, forcing him to look you straight in the eyes. You won’t tolerate any misunderstandings this time. “Jin,” you say his name again, your voice clear and firm this time.

“Yes?” He says, looking up with a glint of hope shining in his eyes.

You squeeze his shoulders, and without breaking eye contact you say in the most serious tone you can muster, “You are the dumbest motherfucker I have ever met.”

His face crumples at once, “What?!”

You ignore his offended expression and tighten your grip in his broad shoulders, “You have no language comprehension skills whatsoever, and I fear that you might be illiterate,” you inform him with a straight face.

“What the fuck are you talking about?!” Jin exclaims, bewildered by your unexpected attack, but offended nonetheless, “I’m smarter than you, at least!”

You shake your head while kindly reaching a hand up to stroke his handsome face, “God must have invested all his time in your face, and forgotten about your brain, you dumb son of a bitch.”

He sits up with indignation, “Look at who can’t even write a simple line of code! I do all your homework for you, you idiot! How dare you call me stupid when you couldn’t survive grad school without my help?! If I’m illiterate, then you’re—”

You cut him off with a rough kiss that momentarily takes his breath away.

Instantly, the anger slides off his face, replaced with something much softer. Jin slowly runs his tongue over his lips and looks up at you with dreamy, half-lidded eyes, “It’s not fair for you to kiss me like that when you want me to shut up… Especially when you know how I feel about you.”

You playfully flick his nose in response, “It’s not my fault that you’re too dumb to realize that I’ve been in love with you since our second year of uni.”

His subsequent reaction is so hilarious that you wished you thought to capture it on film. With his doe eyes bulging, jaw dropping, eyebrows shooting into his hairline, Jin looks like a clown or some kind of slapstick comedian and you can’t help but giggle at his reaction, “You’re so silly.”

That snaps him out of it, “Why am I the one who gets all the blame?!” He exclaims in indignation, “You’re just as dumb as me, if not more! Why would you insist that you weren’t attracted to me?! What did you expect?! For me to try to make a move, thinking that you would never reciprocate? If I’m dumb, then you literally have an IQ of fifty!”

“How am I dumber than you?” you gasp, “You can’t understand spoken language!”

“Yeah? Well you can’t talk!” he shoots back, “ ‘I deserve better.’ How did you expect someone to interpret such a vague statement?! How can you criticize someone for misunderstanding when you can’t even speak properly?!”

His neck is turning red with anger, the veins bulging and his eyes as wide as a frog’s. You open your mouth to berate him, but instead burst into laughter, “Oh my god,” you choke out between semi-hysterical sobs, “How am I in love with such a crazy madman?!”

He pauses at that, “Wait… you’re in love with me?”

“Yeah, dumbass. If you didn’t have the language comprehension skills of a seven-year-old, you’d realize that when I said ‘I deserve better,’ I meant that I wanted to mean more to you than just a hookup…”

He falls silent at that, mouth forming a perfect “O” of realization. “…That does make a lot more sense…”

“Yup…” And with that, you pull out your phone to rapidly type out a text message.

Jin looks at you with a pout, “Wow, you confessed your feelings not even a minute ago and you’re already on your phone! Is this what our future relationship will look like?!”

You glance up from your phone to shoot him a wry grin, “Calm down, you needy child. I’m just texting my friend who recently got licensed as a neuropsychologist. We’re getting tested for our first date,” you say as you affectionately ruffle his black bangs.

Jin’s eyebrows shoot up with surprise, “Why? You know we’re both clean—we literally had sex yesterday!”

“We’re not getting tested for that,” you chuckle, “I’m setting up an intelligence assessment… So I can prove that my IQ is higher than yours, once and for all!”

His jaw drops at that unexpected turn of things, “You’re insane!”

“Am I?” you shoot back, “Or are you just chicken?”

He shakes his head with reluctant amusement, “Fine. Let’s do this. But how are you going to explain to our future children that you brought their father to take a fucking IQ test to prove a point for their first date…? Whatever,” he says with a scoff, “Please hand me that dictionary on the coffee table.”

“…Future children?” you numbly repeat, even as you follow his instructions. Then you quickly snap yourself out of it, “Wait, what are you doing with that dictionary?”

“Studying up,” is his curt reply, “I have to beat you at the test to prove to you how dumb you really are.”

Gasping with indignation, you quickly drape yourself over his shoulders to ogle at the small print of the book in his hands, “You’re on, asshole!” And with that, you reach over him to rapidly flip through the dictionary, trying to disorient him while soaking in as much information as possible.

This whole situation is ridiculous. It’s unbelievably childish and you should be ashamed of this type of behavior at your age… Yet, when Jin briefly turns his head to press a kiss against your cheek before evilly blocking your view of the dictionary, you can’t help but smile. Because as immature and absurd as this situation may be, for some crazy reason it feels right.

“You’re also going to write Lei a heartfelt apology letter for your behavior,” you say with a little nip at his ear.

He stiffens at the reminder, his neck flushing with embarrassment, “Yes, of course. I’ll go and do it right now.”

But you stop him with a hand on his thigh, “It can wait until the morning,” you inform him, “But for now…” you rub your palm over the bulge forming down his left pant leg. “I promise I’ll be patient this time.”

Jin’s eyes are heavily dilated when he twists around on the couch to look at you, “You better,” he says in a quiet, rumbling voice, “Because this time, I intend on enjoying you.”

Your pulse quickens and liquid heat fills the pit of your stomach. Because for some reason, his words sound like a warning… “Yes, please,” you say in a hushed whisper, eyes as round as saucers.

“And this time, you wouldn’t dare accuse me of not reciprocating,” he murmurs, hot breath fanning across your face, “I’m going to eat you out until you fucking beg me to stop.”

“Oh God,” you croak, arousal dampening your underwear at the very thought.

“No,” he smirks, “Just call me ‘Jin’.”

There’s a brief moment of silence as you slowly process his lame joke. Then—“Oh my god, Jin!” You groan as you shove his face away from yours, “Way to ruin the mood, dumbass!”

“Wait, what? No! Come on, ___, you know that was hot!” he says, lowkey panicking as he tries to reach for him again.

You simply sigh as you situate yourself on the couch with your legs spread, “Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Just start eating me out so I don’t have to listen to your dumb dad jokes any longer.”

“Yah! How dare you?! I’ll have you know that hundreds—no, thousands of girls would have killed to—”

“Shut up and get to work,” you bark with a rough tug of his hair.

Chastened, he instantly drops to his knees, “…Yes ma’am!”

*********************************************************************************

Author’s Note: Please don’t ask me about any sequels or updates! This is solely a one-shot and will not be continued :) But I’d love any feedback! 

#jin smut #seokjin smut #bts smut #bts scenarios #jin scenarios #jin scenario #i started writing this during my finals week #and i STILL remember how irritated i was!!!! #guys plz be respectful towards ur roommates! #also i apologize in advance for the crack nonsense in this fic #i cant even explain it myself lmao

[cool-guysyndrome]

(I was gonna post this to Instagram first but the story got too long so here sees it first skkdhdh)

Title: dammit why do i always give the angst a resolution

TW: anxiety attack, heckloads of angst, swearing because virgil+stress=i get to write swearwords

Patton paced the dimly lit room, becoming more agitated with every step. He didn't know where he was, why he was there, how he got there, anything. It was awful being completely in the dark, thrown randomly into some foreign place with no forewarning or instructions. He had so many questions that it was hard to think at all. Where were his friends? Were they okay? Were they even in the same place as him? What if they were across the country or something? How would he find them? Where even was this country? Was he in a country? Why was he in a weird castle thingy on a mountain? It was scary up so high. What were these weird clothes he was wearing? What was wrong with him? Why could he suddenly create a weird green fire with his hands? Was he going crazy?

Patton sat down and leant against the cold stone wall, trying to steady his breathing. Was this how Virgil felt when he had an anxiety attack?

He looked down at his hands, scared to accidentally replicate the spectacle he had made when he went outside and set a tree on fire.

"Maybe i can control it?" He thought aloud. Worth a try.

Patton shut his eyes and tried to focus his thoughts on the tingly feeling that had spread through his fingertips when he made the fire the first time. Sure enough, he felt a soft heat begin to emanate from where his hands were outstretched, and when he opened his eyes he saw the small green flame dancing across his fingertips.

He found that he could make the flame larger or smaller by mentally compressing it, like a camera's focus lens. It was amazing, but at the same time it scared Patton more than any fear he'd ever felt before. This wasn't a kind power. This was something destructive, something dangerous. If this power was any clue to why he was in this strange place, it was not a comforting one.

Patton released his mental hold on the fire and it dissipated into nothing. He realised with a start that he had been crying while watching it, and he wiped his cheeks dry with a sleeve.

Whatever this was, it wasnt going to be easy, and how his heart ached every time he thought about the others was really not helping. Especially Virgil. Sweet, lovely Virgil, who was always kind and worried for Patton as much as his mother did, was probably hurting just as much as he was. That thought would have killed Patton, but his thoughts were mercifully interrupted by a-

---

-'CRASH!'

"Fuck. Just when i thought my day couldn't get better huh."

Virgil glared at the fallen ornament like it was personally responsible for all the wrongs in the world, which it probably was in his eyes.

He crouched down with a sigh and picked up the broken pieces of ceramic. There were far too many breakable things in this stupid palace for someone as clumsy and lazy as him to be around.

He found some servant to give the pieces to, waving off their apologies and persistent praise. It was exhausting, all this social interaction. Virgil wondered how Roman ever wished for this kind of thing, but he supposed Roman was the only person crazy enough to like it.

He kept walking, slow enough to still pass as a walk, but fast enough that he could escape to his room as quickly as possible. Finally he reached safety, locking the door behind him. He sunk to the floor, exhausted.

"This place is fucking crazy. I think im going crazy." He told the empty room.

"I dont know what they want me to do half the time, and they treat me like the fucking king of the universe more than some stupid prince. I just want to go home and not have to deal with this stupid, stressful, nonsensical place and its mad inhabitants!"

He ran a hand through his hair.

"Inhabitants? What am I saying? Fuck, i sound like Logan."

Logan. The others. Shit. "Great now thats just a whole other problem as well. Wonderful. Fucking fantastic!"

Virgil stood up and took his cape off, tired if the heavy and unnecessary clothes. He started to anxiously pace the room, caught up in a flurry of thoughts that were making it a little hard to breathe.

"Shit. Shitshitshit. The others. Are they safe? I need to go find them. Are they even here? What if theyre in trouble? Logan and Roman might be okay on their own, but Pat..."

Virgils voice trailed off as his mind thought a horrible, terrible thing. Patton. Gentle, bubbly Patton, the light of his life, could be in danger. Or worse, already hurt. Virgil fell back to the floor, every inhale more of a struggle than the last. His whole body filled up with an overwhelming sense of dread that drowned out any of his attempts to calm himself down. His heart began to pound like it wanted to escape his chest, and he pulled at his hair like he wanted to rip it out. He thought he heard a strangled scream from someone nearby. Why were they screaming? He should be the one screaming. Then he realised that it was his own voice, and he was the one emitting the heartbroken cry. He managed to stop his screams but there was no ceasing the sobs that wracked his body as he lay curled on the floor, his mind repeating a single horrible thought a million times-

---

-over Patton's head flew a tiny streak of black, and it seemed to be hurt because it wasnt flying in a very coordinated fashion. One wing was flapping a lot less than the other.

Patton waited for the little animal to settle, then he stood a few feet away from where it had landed on the table.

"Hey, hey, I'm not gonna hurt ya. You look like you need a bit of help, actually, little guy."

He started moving towards the table very slowly so he didnt startle the creature.

"Hey, its okay, im gonna help you, alright? Lets have a look at that wing."

Patton continued to talk soothingly to the little creature until he was close enough that he could reach out and touch it. He saw that the animal was a small black bat, and one of its wings had a splinter of wood in it, not enough to do bad damage, but enough to affect its flying ability.

Patton slowly outstretched his hand, and waited for the small animal to make a move first, as a kind of permission. The little bat looked up at him with big black eyes with a shine of blue in them, and if it were human Patton would have sworn it was studying his face.

Then, all of a sudden, he heard a voice say, "Help?"

He nearly fainted.

"What?! Did you- did you just speak?!"

He watched the bat carefully, but its little face didnt move an inch even though he heard the voice clear as day. "Help wing?"

Patton couldn't help staring at the little creature.

"How are you doing that?!"

"Person help wing? Yes, no?"

"Oh my goodness gracious. And i thought the fire was weird."

"Help wing, yes, no?"

"Yes, yes, sorry, yes, ill help you. May i?"

Patton held out a hand to the bat's wing. The little creature obliged and lay its wing across his hand.

"If i ever see him again, i will definitely tell Virgil about this. He'll hate me for it because he's always wanted to talk to animals."

"Vir..gil?"

"Yea, hes my boyfriend."

"Oh. Boy Friend Virgil." The little animal seemed to think for a second, then it spoke again.

"Boyfriend, Virgil. I, Jazzy. You?"

"What?" Patton took a second to realise what the little creature meant.

"Oh, is that your name? Oh! Its lovely! I'm Patton!"

"Pat..ton. Patton. Patton help Jazzy."

"Yes, thats right, im helping you! By the way, are you a boy or a-

---

-Gurl you are a mess. You're lucky i can pick locks hun."

Remy closed the door quietly and went to sit beside where Virgil still lay on the floor.

"I heard you scream. Good thing i convinced those other losers that I'd handle this." He glanced down at Virgil again, noting his fists still clenched in his hair.

His voice was a bit more firm as he continued. "Virgil. Can i touch you?"

The purple-haired boy hesitated a moment, then shakily nodded through his hands. Remy gently pried his hands down from his hair.

"Can you sit up for me?"

Virgil did.

"Okay. Can you copy my breathing? 4-7-8 yeah?"

Virgil nodded.

Once Remy was sure that Virgil was no longer in such a bad state, he got him to sit on his bed and gave him a glass of water.

"Thanks." Virgil managed as Remy handed him the glass.

"Youre fine, gurl, i get this kind of thing a lot. The staff here get stressed all the time and someones gotta help calm 'em down, y'know?"

"Yeah."

"Besides, gotta have you in top condition so i can 'scold you' as Perce puts it, or as i like to say, roast your sorry ass."

"Really? What did i fuck up this time?"

"Oooh gurl you wouldnt believe it. So much that the cat wants your hide."

"The cat?"

"The cat."

Virgil wasn't quite smiling, but his eyes werent as sad any more.

Remy lay back on his bed like he owned it.

"Nah, I'm messing with ya."

"I know." Virgil couldnt help a small smile.

"Its not the cat, hun, its the rats that cat's chasing that want your blood. Have fun arguing with rodents."

"That bad huh?"

"Nah not really. Percy wants to help you with some stuff you were struggling with today."

"Struggling?" Virgil raised an eyebrow at the other man.

Remy chuckled. "Gurl, you and i both know you aren't really the prince. Gotta have someone in on the secret to help before everyone is."

"Touché."

After Remy left, Virgil lay back on his bed, realising just how exhausted he was. This wasn't going to get any easier. But maybe it could, at the very least, be possible.

#storytime au #angst! yay #we love some moxiety angst #i dont know how to fic so bear with it okay #also im really quite proud of patton but thats probably coz i love him

[winterflash-2019]

Crossing Paths pt 7

part 6

It’s been a month since the incident at CCPN and Barry has been avoiding you like the plague. You called and texted him at least 100 times but each time you never got a response. You tried to tell yourself that he was probably busy but at the end of the day your thoughts of him possibly breaking up with you returned. Here you are walking into Jitters with your laptop. You still went to Jitters because it gave you some sort of closure, it’s where you come for inspiration on your articles and temporarily forgetting about Barry. You ordered Barry’s usual for yourself this time and sat at the same table you sat at every day.

 Sighing you opened your laptop and got to work it wasn’t long before you heard the name “Barry” so you turned around to see him standing at the counter for coffee. You quickly get up and make your way towards him, reaching out you touch his shoulder and his eyes widen when he sees you.

“Can we talk” you could tell he was purposely avoiding eye contact with you and you feel your heart slowly breaking. He grabs his coffee before following you to your table.

“Did I do something” you were so nervous and scared as you looked at your hands in your lap. You felt Barry’s eyes burning a hole in your head but you never look up at him. 

“No”

“Then why are you avoiding me…am I not good enough”

“No y/n, you’re perfect I-I just thought we needed some space”

“ Why? Nothing happened…you said it yourself I did nothing wrong”

“Y/n please-“

“No Barry tell me what’s on your mind”

“I think we should…break-“

“No”

 “What”

“I said no” 

“Y/n you don’t understand”

“I understand and I said no Barry you don’t get to make that decision”

“You could get hurt then what am I supposed to do” this causes you to look up with anger surging through your veins. He avoided you for a whole month and now he thinks he can make the decision to break up with you…no it’s not going to end that way.

“Barry do you know how dumb that sounds? I will be in more danger if we’re not together you think I’m a target now I’ll surely be one if we ever broke up…it’s only a matter of time until you find me dead in-“

“Don’t say that” he interrupts with a snarky tone. He completely hated when you said bad things about yourself but he had to admit the fact that you were right. He never thought about it that way, vengeful metas will surely use you as leverage and he can’t have that.

 You grabbed his hand from across the table which brought him away from his thoughts. 

“Listen Barry, I know you get scared sometimes…I do too but we have to stick together because I-I love you Barr” your voice was so quiet and calming. It was true Barry loved you and of course he heard you say it before but that was future you.

“What did you just say”

“I said I love you Barry” Barry smiles brightly at you and you smile back with a giggle

“I love you too”

-----

Later that day you convinced Barry to spend the night at your place since he let Iris have the loft and he didn’t want to go back to Joe’s place so you thought about asking him to stay with you. Barry sat on the couch reading your article while you were making dinner.

“Babe this is so good” he calls out from the living room

“You really think so” you said now standing in the entrance of the kitchen with a big smile on your face and Barry chuckles at how cute you look.

“Of course baby” he gets off the couch and wraps you in his embrace. Your nerves were all out of wack asking Barry to move in with you seemed so easy but hard at the same time.

“Barry can I ask you something” He looks at you with a smirk

“Anything” 

“Well I was thinking and I was wondering if you maybe…wanted to move in with me” you held your breath as you waited for his response. Barry opened his mouth but words never came out, he was shocked, excited, and nervous at the same time.

“Are you serious”

“Absolutely”

Barry smiles and kisses your nose “Hell Yeah I’ll move in with you”

You laugh as a tear fall out your eye while trying to wipe it away quickly.

“Why are you crying” he chuckled

“I was scared you would say no” you mumble and he shakes his head at you before playfully shoving you back in the kitchen.

“I still have to get the rest of my things at the loft this weekend” he says while walking down the hall and to the bathroom.

You heard a knock on the door but thinking Barry was still in the living room you continued cooking. You heard a few more hard knocks on the door so you turned the stove off and looked in the living room 

“Barry?” You looked around the room but you see nothing, shrugging it off you walk to the door

“Who is it” you ask but no one answers

“Hello?” You swing the door open and you see an older looking man with gray curly hair in a wheelchair and a woman with long black hair standing next to him.

“So sorry to disturb you this evening Ms. L/n, is Mr.Allen here” you look at the man confused as to why he wanted Barry this time of night.

“Why do you need him” 

“Just to discuss some things from work”

“Don’t you have his number”

“Well Ms. L/n I just started working at the precinct not too long ago” you look at the woman who smiled at you but before you could ask another question you hear footsteps behind you.

“Babe- y/n stop close the door” Barry’s eyes widen when he sees Devoe at your door, he didn’t want to alarm you so he calmly tells you to close the door.

“Why? What’s going on”

“That won’t be necessary now Barry” Devoe challenges and you felt a wind push you back and the door was slammed.

“Barry what’s going on” You ask but Barry was running around tossing things in a bag. Deveo knew where you lived now and Barry did not want you here by yourself so he had to do the only thing he didn’t want too…take you to Star labs. 

“Barry” you called out, your tone sterner and he stops running to face you

“What the hell is going on”

“You can’t stay here” he whispers and you frown

“Why not”

“I can’t explain everything now but please just trust me” you sigh and nod your head and Barry picks you up and runs to Star labs. When your feet hit the ground a wave of nausea hits you and you fall to your knees, vomiting all over the floor.

“Y/n” Barry rubs your back and hold your hair with his free hand while you finish throwing up your insides.

“Okay I’m not cleaning that up” Cisco says as he folded his arms and Caitlin looks at you curiously as you wipe your mouth with your sleeve.

“Cait can you take y/n to the med bay please, I have to talk to Cisco and Harry” Caitlin nods and you look at the red-headed woman who looks at you with sympathy as she helps you off the floor.

“I’ll explain everything okay” she tells you and you look at Barry, your heart racing. You didn’t know what was going on or why he was so panicky all of a sudden all you know is to trust him so you followed the woman that you now know as Caitlin.

----

“So, you’re saying Devoe wants y/n” Cisco asked for the 5th time and Barry internally groans

“Yes, Cisco that’s exactly what I’m saying, but why is the question” Barry hears footsteps and he turns to see you behind Caitlin looking exhausted. Harry looks at you, thinking to himself about how strange you were acting.

“Barry how about you and y/n go back home” he looks at Barry who was now by your side.

“Harry I already said I can’t y/n has to-“

“You’re capable of taking care of her if anything goes down; she needs to go home and get some rest…now” Harry walks off and Barry loos at Cisco who just shrugs his shoulders.

“Barry, I think it will be best for you to walk her home, she needs fresh air plus there’s a huge possibility she’ll throw up again if you use your speed”. Caitlin quietly tells Barry and he nods before grabbing your hand, leading the way out the lab.

“Barry…is Devoe part of the reason future me came here” your quiet voice asks and Barry stops walking and looks down at your tired expression.

“Yeah” he whispers and you feel your eyes water but you couldn’t hold them in so you sob while the tears glide down your face. All in wanted in life was to be happy and when you met Barry that’s exactly what he made you but now Devoe seems to want to ruin everything for you.

“Y/n hey listen to me it’s okay…I promise everything will be okay” he wraps his arms around your small frame and you cried even harder as more sobs took over your body. Thing is you’ve been more emotional the whole month Barry avoided you and throwing up tonight wasn’t the first time.

“Come on let’s get you home”

----

3 weeks later you felt super sick. You hated the smell of coffee now and you were craving nothing but ice cream and French fries. You sat at your desk once again struggling with your report but not because of writers block mainly because of how sick you became second by second, your boss had came in with a cup of coffee and you almost started gagging from the smell. Your boss stands in front of your desk with his coffee in hand causing you to vomit in the trash can by your desk.

“Whoa y/n are you okay”

“I’m fine” your voice was hoarse from the vomit session you just had and your boss just looks at you with an eyebrow raised.

“Go home y/n” he says and you nod thinking about going home and taking a hot shower sounded nice right about now. You said your goodbyes before cleaning up your desk and stuffing your laptop in your computer bag. You let out a frustrated sigh as your skirt limited your movements, you walk out the door and breathe in the fresh air almost feeling better…almost.

When you got home you immediately stripped your clothing and hopped in the shower. When you got out you threw on one of Barry’s long-sleeved shirts before laying on the couch and calling Barry. When he answered you could tell he was talking to Joe but soon he says hello in the phone and you tried not to gag while Barry was on the phone.

“I’m sorry babe but I have to cancel on lunch today”

“Why…is it work?”

“No not work um i-im sick I go home not too long ago”

“Well I’ll be there in-“

“Babe no Singh needs you at the CCPD”

“And you need me at home, you’re more important” you smile at Barry’s words before you hear him clear his throat.

“I’ll be there in 5” and with that he hangs up the phone

---

When Barry gets home you weren’t on the couch, he heard you in the bathroom throwing up your insides again. He hurries and rubs your back while pulling your hair out your face.  When you finish you flush the toilet and rub your forehead.

“Babe what did you eat?” He asks with his nose scrunched up and you tiredly look up at him with watery eyes.

“I don’t know” you cry and Barry picks you up bridal style and carries you to the bedroom, gently laying you down on the bed he grabs blankets and pillows so you could get comfortable. You look up and you see him with big belly burger and you were beyond relieved.

“I have to run down to the lab babe you think your fine here by yourself” Barry asks, he was so scared to leave you by yourself since he knows Devoe is now after you and you could tell but you nod your head already half way asleep.

 -----

Barry was bouncing his knee while glaring at the floor, its been 3 hours since he left you and he wanted to go home.

“guys are we done yet, y/n’s sick and she needs me” His voice causes the other to stop what they were doing and look at him. Caitlin looked at Harry and he nods

“You’re free to go Barry” with that being said Barry was gone in a flash but when he gets home all the lights were off, figuring you turned them off and went back to bed he went to check on you except you weren’t there. 

“No…y/n”

 -----

 You woke up with a rope tied around you, looking at your surroundings you realized there were none just like there wasn’t a…ground? You looked down to see you were suspended in the air only hanging by a piece of rope which causes you to panic.

“Hello, Ms. L/n” you look up to see the same man in a wheel chair except he was in a floating chair.

“Devoe” You growl and he presses a button, causing a blue scan to go over your body and he chuckles before looking back at you.

“Party for 2 my dear” he smirks but before he could say anything you hear a voice that instantly calms you.

“Let her go” Barry growls and Devoe’s face turn red with anger as he presses another button and the rope jerks a little causing you to let out a scream 

“IF YOU HURT HER I’LL KILL YOU” Barry screams, he was done playing Devoe’s games he took it entirely too far and Barry was going to end it.

“Oh Barry, I’m not going to hurt her…the baby could get hurt and then I wouldn’t be able to kill it” Devoe taunts and your eyes widened, you couldn’t be pregnant…could you?

Barry freezes when the word baby comes out Devoe’s mouth, it would explain why you were emotional and vomiting lately but he couldn’t lose focus now or Devoe will hurt you.

“Barry he’s just messing with your head, focus on my voice barr” you call out and Devoe snarls

“You stupid woman, I just found out from my scan…you see Barry ms. l/n here is indeed pregnant so congrats” Devoe presses the last button and the rope snaps and you go free falling towards the hard ground and Barry races to catch you if it wasn’t for you fear of heights you wouldn’t have passed out.

tag list” @onceuponateenpanwolfian

That cliff hanger though ;) but please tell me what you guys thought about this, I was literally at school typing this any chance I got. 

-winterflash-2019

#Barry Allen #barry allen x reader #barry allen imagine #cw #The Flash #iris west #caitlin snow #cisco ramon #harry wells #grant gustin #grant gustin x reader

[prompt-master]

What Asshole Invented Allergies?

@cup-of-blue: Random fic prompt idea thing cuz the allergies are striking at half past 10 in the evening: Michael is having the allergies and doing the suffering, and he’s chill with it, it’s just an annoyance. Until he runs out of tissues and freaks out cuz he can barely breathe now cuz too much snot help

@orderly-opaline: Ok, I know this is dumb but think about it. As a follow up to the fic where Michael has hayfever, what if Michael went to school and was ACTUALLY CRYING. Jeremy just assumed that he had allergies so he went on like normal. And Michaels just like, wait does he not see that im crying?? Does he not care about me??? I know its dumb but like, IDK man I just like the idea?

Not dumb at all lovely! Hope you two don’t mind i combined your fics! Let’s mcfucking torture some kiddos

Michael woke up that morning already knowing he was in for a miserable day. His alarm felt louder than usual, each ring banging down doors against his sensitive ears. When Michael turned it off and went to take a deep breath he found that one of his nostrils was blocked and he could barely breath through the other. Great, nothing like being a mouth breather. Michael had a pretty bad case of hayfever last Friday and figured the weekend would be plenty of time to rest. But judging by the itching on his nose had to stop to scratch every five seconds and the dripping of his nose he had to keep inhaling he’d say he might be even worse off. Fuck spring, honestly.

Michael was so miserable in fact that he didn’t have time to take allergy medicine seeing as how he slugishly moved around the house. That’s how he ended up shoving a bunch of tissue packets into his pockets and driving to school. In the parking lot Michael had to stop to blow agressivly into a tissue, groaning at how it didn’t clear his sinuses at all. He leaned back against the headrest of his car and stared into the mirror. He looked like shit. His hair was all down from a lack of gel, he ran his fingers through the locks only to have them flop back down. His nose was bright red, he stopped to scratch at it again and miserably sniffle. Briefly he looked away from his exhausted and miserable expression to glance up at the school entrance. Students were starting to pile in and talk to each other, and Michael wasn’t so sure he wanted to be seen. He felt a tickle of his nose and mentally groaned, he already knew what was happening before he began to take in two shaky breaths.

“Ah..ah, achuu! Ah….achuu!! Ugnh…” Michael groaned and furiously wiped the back of his sleeve against his nose, getting out of the car as he saw Jeremy’s bus pull in.

Jeremy walked down as Michael locked his car, and almost instantly spotted the red hoodie. When Michael turned the tall ass was looking down at him with that cute nervous lopsided smile. “Hey Michael- woah dude you look like shit”

Michael sighed, his back slouching more than usual. He let out a long exaggerated sniff in a last attempt to breath normally, “wow, thanks.”

Jeremy laughed and patted Michael’s shoulder. His hand seemed to hesitate. It was a small subtle detail, but both of them noticed. Jeremy instantly felt compelled to say ‘no homo’. But instead he said, “so what’s wrong?”

“Still allergies.”

“Still? Spring is not your season, Michael Mell”

“Yeah no shit- ah…achuu!” Michael buried his face into his sleeve, stumbling towards the entrance.

Jeremy held the door open for him, neither of them mentioned how it was usually the other way around, “bless you”

Michael sniffled, pulling out a tissue and blowing his nose, he cringed at how stuffy his voice sounded “thanks..”

First period Michael realized just how ineffective blowing his nose was when he was this badly stuffed. His breathing was loud and obnoxious, each inhale rattling as his nose struggled to make room for air to actually pass through. He felt himself blush as people turned to stare at him, the room was quiet and all you could hear was Michael breathing and sneezing. It was even worse when a test was passed out. He sniffled over and over again, his irritated nose kept dripping and every time he blew it loudly over the trash can it felt like he had an endless supply of snot. To make matters worse whenever he got up to blow his nose it felt like a giant spot like was on his, showing every annoyed teen in the room who to be mad at. It was an endless cycle of sneezing misery. Whenever he’d sit down after blowing his nose he’d have all of a minute before he couldn’t breath quietly again.

And Rich, oh god Rich. Rich had the lovely honor of being Michael’s only friend in the class. He decided to sit next to him because, you know that’s what friends do. And for the first time since they’d become friends he was starting to regret it. Rich liked to think that he was a fairly patient person, but that was a load of shit and right now Michael’s constant sniffling was really testing him. He tried to focus on a question about Israel, but Michael let out an especially loud sniffle, followed by a miserable grunt. Rich slammed his pencil down in annoyance and glared to his side, but his expression instantly softened when he saw the state Michael was in.

Michael lifted his head at the sound, albeit a bit delayed, and his teary red eyes stared at Rich. Instead of talking he gave a sniffle and a raised eyebrow. Rich frowned, his eyes glanced around the room for a moment before deeming it safe. He wrote a little note down on the edge of his test then kicked Michael from under his desk.

'U good?’

Michael sighed through his mouth, mostly because he couldn’t through his nose. He gave Rich a small nod, pushing his glasses up and going back to his test.

It didn’t go unnoticed how Rich mumbled “yeah well you look like shit” under his breath.

Michael had never felt more embarrassed in his life. Every class he disrupted and annoyed people. During third period he was told to walk in the fucking hallway. At one point he had sneezed so badly that snot shot right out in the middle of talking to a lab partner. He had to cover his nose for a tissue but she was clearly grossed out. He liked to think he wasn’t much of an annoyed guy, that he could handle these situations well. But he felt so miserably and all the sniffling hurt his head and his nose was itching and man he just wanted a nap. He reached into his pocket, and oh no. Only one tissue left. Fuck his life, seriously.

He made his way to the usual lunch table all too grateful when he saw Jeremy wasn’t there. He sat down, mentally willing the squad to not show up. But low and behold, that only worked on Jeremy.

Rich slammed his backpack down next to Michael and scanned his face. Michael grew uncomfortable under his intense gaze, and curled up under it. He tried to ignore it, but Rich was relentless, as if he planned to stare until Michael said hi.

And then Michael sneezed, three times. He groaned and used up his last tissues, knowing fully well he was fucked now. He could probably ask a teacher for some but let’s be honest he’d rather die then have unneeded social interaction.

“You look even shitter than earlier.” Rich so elegantly pointed out.

Michael turned to face Rich, giving him a grunt as a reply. He scratched at his nose yet again, “allergies”

“Dude. Go to the fucking nurse. Christ.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re a fucking mess.”

“Who’s a mess bro?” Jake’s voice came from behind Rich, “if you’re talking about Stephanie then I agree, did you see what she twee-”

Jake stopped when looked over Rich to see Michael. Michael hated the instant look of concern that Jake, it almost made him wish he sat at a different table.

“Hey, Michael, bro, you alright? You look kinda-”

“It’s just allergies. Seriously guys can’t I just- achuu! Can’t I just chill out and eat my lunch?”

Rich propped his head up on his elbow, still watching over Michael, “Not if you get snot all over the table.”

“Oh my gosh Michael! Your face is so red and so are your eyes! Are you ok?” It was a lot harder for Michael to be annoyed when Christine came over, her face instantly became worried. She searched through her purse on hopes to have some zertec on her or something.

But still, all the worried faces on him were overwhelming and embarrassing.

Brooke and Chloe were walking over with their lunch trays. At first it seemed like they wouldn’t notice until Chloe made eye contact with him, cutting Brooke off mid-sentence.

“Woah. What bus ran you over?”

“Michael! You look so sick maybe you should go to the nurse…” Brooke pouted her bottom lip out, something she only did in worry.

“Guys seriously I’m- achuu! Achuu!!” Michael rubbed his nose off on his sleeve, groaning as his nose felt blocked enough to be painful.

There was a chorus of bless yous, and Christine’s hand rubbed his back soothingly. Michael sighed and lowered his head, face burning in embarrassment at all the sudden attention. He sniffled again.

“You should blow your nose, Mikey.” Brooke’s gentle voice spoke up, her hand touching his gentle.

He just shook his head, he hated the way his ears seemed to echo strangely at noise. Maybe not echo…maybe throb is the right word? Like a throb of fuzz that pounded against his ear at noise, obnoxious and nearly indescribable. His skin felt as though it were crawling and he felt everything from Brooke’s hand to her ring to the loose string inside his hoodie. Michael sighed and leaned his head down on the table.

“Just leave me here to die.”

They all exchanged worried looks, and Michael couldn’t ignore the more subtle hovering they did over the remainder of lunch.

Later on it was the end of the day and Michael had never regretted skipping out on his medicine more. He thought he was going to die. He was supposed to meet up with Jeremy at his locker but all he could think about was how there was too much going on at once and how fucking miserable he felt. He had no more tissues so his nose kept dripping grossly and he had no choice but to rub it off on his sleeve and breath through his mouth. That alone sent his mind into a uncomfortable spiral. It bothered him every time he went to naturally breath only to find he couldn’t, he hated the restraint. He could hear the students buzzing in the halls and every bump of his shoulder. Hell, he could feel when someone just came close to him. It was all too much against the fuzzy pounding and the itching and the headache and the sore stomach and just everything. He felt lost in the hallway, like he was going down a mile long hell chain. When he felt the tears running down his face from something other than allergies he knew that he needed Jeremy, and he needed him now.

Jeremy shut his locker and looked up when he heard a weak sniffle next to him. He frowned when he saw tears running down Michael’s face, Rich wasn’t kidding he did look worse. There was snot dripping down his face that he was too miserable to even feel or be annoyed. Jeremy got off of his knee and stood up tall, his backpack slung over his shoulder as he took in Michael’s shaking form.

“God Michael, we should get you home. Gimmie your keys, I’ll drive.”

He put a hand on Michael’s back breifly, not noticing the subtle flinch, and guided him to his car. Michael balled fists into his eyes and tried to stop the wave of tears, he felt so uncomfortable in his own skin and just wanted to sleep for a year and wake up healthy. But now his mind was on another thing. Did Jeremy not see him crying? No he was looking right at him. He didn’t ask if he was ok though. Does…does he not care anymore? Maybe the SQUIP is blocking Michael’s tears from his vision. Or maybe he just didn’t care anymore. Michael felt even more overwhelmed, more tears falling down into his sweatshirt sleeve.

It wasn’t until Jeremy was all set up to drive that he noticed something else was wrong. Usually Michael would recline his chair as much as possible and try to sleep for the 15 minuetes they had to drive. But Michael sat there curled up with his face in his sleeve, only moving to wipe furiously. His shoulders were shaking and it filled Jeremy with this…urge to protect and comfort. God, poor Michael. And those tears wouldn’t stop. Was Michael actually crying? Jeremy frowned and turned the A.C. up, knowing having cold air on his face helped Michael calm down. The boy lifted his head up at the gust of wind, sniffled, and just silently stood facing it with tears rolling down his chin evenly.

“Michael…?” Jeremy finally dared to ask, “What’s wrong..?”

Michael let out a shaky exhale, adjusting the fan to hit him more directly, “I just…feel so awful, Jeremy…” the broken tone in his voice broke Jeremy’s heart too.

Jeremy turned the key into the ignition, “I know pal. But me and you are gonna hang out at your house and we’re gonna eat a shit ton and you’re gonna feel so much better, that sound good?”

Michael nodded, his face going red to his ears when he asked, “can I have sick cuddles too?”

“You can have sick cuddles too.”

Michael finally relaxed and reclined into his chair, relishing the steady feeling of the car as he shut his burning eyes. He picked his dry lips, feeling Jeremy start to back out of the parking lot. Jeremy tried to give Michael his space, especially now that he was starting to actually relax, but he couldn’t help but focus on the way Michael still heavily took breathes through his mouth.

“Michael?”

“Mm..?”

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah…I guess.”

“Why are you breathing like that?”

Michael sniffled and tried to test the waters, but nope, still can’t breath, “my nose is so blocked dude…”

“Oh geez… I think I shoved like Wendy’s napkins in your glovebox.”

Michael reached for the pile of napkins, they’d rub harshly against his nose but god he needed to breathe. “You’re a mcfucking life saver”

After about 5 harsh noseblows, his nose giving a strange crinkingly feeling as it slowly opened up, Michael found for the first in he was able to fall asleep in less than the 15 minutes.

#be more chill #bmc #boyf riends #fanfic #is this bad?? lol idk man. #i tried.... #i tried my best? #👍🏾