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rubycruzin4abruzin · 12 days

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Forbidden Crown: ch. I

Summary: As a princess, your parents choose your spouse, and they decide it’s time to start looking shortly after your fifth birthday. However, when your parents decide to unite kingdoms with Tir Asleen and introduce you to Prince Airk, you’re seemingly more drawn to his twin sister, Kit.

Pairing: kit tanthalos x princess!reader

Contains: fluff, matchmaking, childlike play, kisses to mimic adult behavior, pure innocence

Word Count: 3.2k

A/N: Welcome to the first chapter of Forbidden Crown! It’s a coming of age story, so in this chapter, our main characters are five years old, but in the next, they’ll be ten, and so on. Not too much happens in this chapter, but I promise it’ll get a lot juicier later. Enjoy! :)

As a princess, you always knew you wouldn’t get to choose a spouse. Instead, you grew up knowing exactly who you would one day marry.

Your parents, the king and queen of Azarenth, decided it was time to start looking for suitors shortly after you turned five. Their idea was for the two of you to meet frequently, essentially growing up together before tying the knot and officially uniting kingdoms. After some extensive research, your parents discovered a nearby kingdom with a prince around your age. So, they packed your belongings and loaded up the carriage for the journey to the kingdom of Tir Asleen.

Since you were so young, your parents didn’t tell you the exact reason you were visiting this new kingdom; all you knew was that you were going to play with a new friend and that your parents seemed very anxious upon arrival. They had dressed you in your best clothes: a puffy white dress with pink lace ribbons, and were constantly readjusting the bows or smoothing out the fabric. You scowled at all the fuss; you had been on plenty of playdates before and didn't understand why this one was such a big deal.

Stepping out of the carriage, a woman who appeared to be the queen of Tir Asleen greeted you and shook hands with your parents. She introduced herself as ‘Sorsha,’ and wore a wide smile as she spoke in a gentle tone.

“Hello little one,” she bent down to meet you at eye level. “The children are out back in the garden. Why don’t you go play?”

You agreed, happily leaving the adults to chat freely. As you made your way to the garden, you wondered what Sorsha had meant by ‘children.’ Your parents had said that you were here to make one friend, but the possibility of making multiple friends was even more exciting.

Upon reaching the palace garden, you opened the gate and walked in to see only one child, a boy who looked to be around your age. You felt a twinge of disappointment, but quickly hid it after he noticed your presence and flashed you a warm smile.

“Hi,” he greeted. “I’m Airk. Airk Tanthalos. What’s your name?”

You introduced yourself, prompting him to nod in response before speaking again.

“My mom says we’re gonna be friends now. I was just playing hide-n-seek with my sister.”

You perked up at this new information, excitedly anticipating the arrival of more friends.

Airk spun around, calling out to the entirety of the garden. “Kit! Our guest is here!”

No response. Airk sighed. “Kit! Olly olly oxen free!”

Suddenly, a little girl emerged from behind a tree, capturing your attention. She was unlike anything you’d ever seen before. You were taught that princesses should always be proper and ladylike, which Kit certainly was not. Instead, stray hairs clung to her flushed cheeks and hung just above her mouth, dyed purple from grape-juice. Grass and mud stained her tunic, and she wore breeches. You didn’t know girls were even allowed to wear breeches.

As she walked towards you and Airk, you quickly became infatuated with her. She was just so… cool.

Airk turned back towards you, rolling his eyes. “That’s Kit. Don’t mind her. She’s stubborn.”

“Gotta be stubborn when you’re the best hide-n-seeker in all of Tir Asleen.” Kit retorted, sticking out her tongue.

Airk stuck out his tongue back in response before gesturing towards you. “This is our guest. Mom says we’re going to be friends with her now.”

Kit turned towards you, face brightening as if this was the first time she noticed your presence. “Oh you’re the guest. How old are you?”

You shyly held up five fingers, causing Airk to erupt into mocking laughter. “You’re five? I hadn’t realized I was in the presence of a baby!”

Anger bubbled up inside you at his words. You had just met this boy, and he was already not very nice.

“Shut up, Airk!” Kit exclaimed, pushing her brother's head. “If anyone here is a baby it’s you!”

“Nuh-uh! You’re the baby! You’re only six!”

“So are you, idiot!”

“I’m still older!”

“By like, one minute!”

Airk huffed in response, crossing his arms and pouting. Kit flashed you a reassuring smile, and you felt warmth bubbling from inside you. This girl, this cool, older girl, had just stood up for you.

“Do you want to play tag?” Kit asked you. “Airk is awful at tag.”

“Nuh-uh! I’m super fast…”

“I can’t,” you cut Airk off and looked towards Kit regrettably. “I can’t run in this stupid dress.”

You pulled at your outfit, exaggerating your frustration. Kit scrunched up her face, seemingly deep in thought before she jumped up as if a lightbulb went off in her head.

“I’ll be right back,” she exclaimed, before running inside.

Now that you and Airk were alone together, it was almost awkward. You tugged at your dress, while he sat and pulled at the grass.

“I like your dress,” he muttered. “I think it makes you look pretty.”

A blush crept onto your cheeks at the compliment; maybe this boy wasn’t so bad after all. “Thanks.”

Seconds later, Kit came running back out of the castle carrying a garment of some sorts. She slowed to catch her breath as she approached you, proudly holding up the item.

“Breeches,” she explained breathlessly. “Put them on under your dress, then just tuck the skirt in.”

You stared at the garment, turning it over in wonder. “I’ve never had breeches before.”

“Keep them,” Kit replied. “Now you do.”

Your heart swelled at her kind gesture. First the cool girl had stood up for you, and now she was giving you a gift.

After thanking her, you slid the breeches on from underneath your dress, and tucked your skirt into the waistband. The thick fabric of your dress spilled out and bulged against the hem of the pants, sort of making you look like a spinning top, but you didn’t care. You were mobile now, and free to play whatever.

Feeling giddy, and slightly mischievous, you walked up to Kit, giggling behind your hand before slapping her on the shoulder.

“Tag! You’re it!”

You ran away, chuckling loudly as Kit gasped. She narrowed her eyes with an impish grin, feigning displeasure at being “it.”

“I’ll get you for that!”

The game continued with the three of you, but it was mostly you and Kit chasing each other around the garden, giggling until your ribs ached. At one point, you were running away from Kit, almost escaping before she took a shortcut through a flower bed and tackled you. You landed flat on your back, looking up at a giddy Kit in shock.

“Tag! You’re it! I win again!” She exclaimed, giggling as she reached up and pulled out a pink ribbon from your hair.

You groaned, grabbing for the ribbon as she dangled it over your head. “Kit! No fair, give it back!”

“I don’t think I will. I won, so I’ll take this as my trophy.” She twisted the ribbon in her fingers, examining the lace detail. “Besides, I gave you my breeches, it’s only fair you give me something of yours.”

She crawled off of you and lazily tied the ribbon in her tousled hair. The untidy knot hung loosely over her tangles and stood out like a sore thumb, but the sight of her in something you owned was so enthralling that you couldn’t care less.

Batting her eyelashes, she pouted her lips dramatically. “How do I look?”

You giggled. “Beautiful. Like a princess.”

The two of you tittered about while Airk groaned, feeling left out. “Can we play something else?”

Kit shrugged. “Fine. Let’s play house.”

Airk perked up, nodding in enthusiastic agreement before running over and grabbing your arm. “Great! We can play mommy and daddy, and you’re our child and you have to do whatever we say, Kit.”

“Nuh-uh!” Kit argued, grabbing onto your other arm. “How about I play the daddy, and you be our child and do whatever we say!”

“No fair!” Airk exclaimed. “It was my idea first!”

“It was my idea to play house!” Kit retorted smugly before slinging an arm around your shoulder. “How about we let our guest decide?”

“Fine!” Airk turned to you. “Who do you want to be married to? Me, or Kit?”

You looked between the siblings, weighing your options. Kit was so cool, but Airk was a boy, and you’d never heard of two girls getting married. But if it’s just pretend, and she’s playing the daddy anyway, then it should be alright… right?

Turning to Airk, you shot him a smug smirk. “Who’s the baby now?”

Kit erupted into mocking laughter while Airk grumbled, crossing his arms. “I’d rather be the horse.”

With that complaint, the game began, Airk finally giving in and agreeing to be yours and Kit’s son. You were pretending to prepare Airk as the next heir to the throne before Kit entered the scene, carrying a branch as a makeshift sword.

“Hello, wife,” Kit announced, lowering her voice to impersonate a man. “I’m back from the fight with General Kael.”

“Welcome home, dear,” you replied. “How was the fight?”

“Well I won, of course.” Kit boasted.

You clapped your hands in excitement. “That's wonderful, my love! Airk, did you hear your father?”

“Sure, sure.” Airk grumbled, completely disinterested.

Kit turned to her brother, waving her finger and pretending to be stern. “Listen to your mother, son. Someday it will be your responsibility to defeat leaders of evil armies.”

Airk rolled his eyes while you giggled, smiling at your pretend husband. “Darling, I’m so happy I married you. You’re such a great husband and father, and I’m so proud of you for defeating General Kael.”

“Bo-ring!” Airk complained, being completely ignored by you and Kit.

“Thank you sweetheart,” Kit replied in her mannish voice. “But the battle isn’t over yet. I must go back out and defeat Queen Bavmorda. Give me a kiss for good luck?”

“Kiss?” You asked, breaking character.

Kit dropped the act, returning to her normal voice. “Yeah. Mommies and daddies kiss, so we have to kiss.”

“You can’t kiss!” Airk shouted. “Kissing is for grown-ups!”

“We’re grown-ups in the game,” Kit argued.

“I’ve seen my mommy and daddy kiss, but I’ve never kissed,” you admitted, silently hoping that Kit wouldn’t think less of you.

“That’s alright,” Kit reassured with a gentle smile. “It’s easy. Just stand still, and close your eyes.”

You did as you were told, and suddenly, just for a brief second, you felt Kit’s lips on yours. It was only an innocent peck, but lingered with the taste of grape juice, and left an unfamiliar buzzing sound in your ears. Every inch of your small body tingled with warmth, and in that moment, you were convinced that Kit could do no wrong; everything about her was perfect.

“Gross!” Airk sneered, earning a sharp thwack from Kit using the tree branch she was holding.

And so the game continued, you pretending to tend to your ‘kingdom’ and prepare Airk as an heir, while Kit ran around the garden, using her trusty tree branch to reenact tales her father, Madmartigan, had told her. In between scenes, you would boss Airk around, sending him on side quests, or hide behind shrubs and share sweet grape-juice flavored kisses.

Eventually, the sun began to set, signaling the end of your play day. You and Kit had teamed up to wrestle Airk to the ground when Sorsha and your parents entered the garden gate, laughing like longtime friends. Upon seeing you, however, your parents froze at the shocking sight. Their beloved daughter, raised to be a prim and proper princess, was caked in mud, and wrestling a boy with her dress tucked into a pair of breeches that didn’t belong to her.

You heard your mother call your name, and immediately paused the roughhousing to shift your attention towards her. She forced a plastic smile, clearly displeased with your current appearance, but unwilling to make a scene in front of Sorsha.

“What are those?” She asked through gritted teeth, gesturing towards your lower half.

“Breeches!” You replied proudly. “Kit gave them to me.”

“Well wasn’t that nice of her,” she hummed, exchanging looks with your father.

Sorsha looked over to her own children and let out a sigh, noticing they hadn’t stopped wrestling. “Kit! Get off your brother!”

“Airk is in training, mom!” Kit whined, climbing off her brother. “He has to learn how to defeat Queen Bavmorda if he wants to be the next heir to the throne!”

“Her father…” Sorsha muttered an apologetic explanation to your parents before turning back to the twins. “Kit, why don’t you and Airk go inside and ask the cook to make our guests a snack?”

“Fine…” the twins murmured before trudging back into the castle.

Now that you were alone with the three adults, it seemed as if all their attention fixated on you. They crouched down to your level, peering at you with toothy grins plastered on their faces. A feeling of unease settled like a pit in your stomach, compelling you to take a small step back before they started speaking.

“Sweetheart,” your mother started, her voice dripping with sickening sweetness. “Did you have fun today?”

“I did,” you replied, letting your guard down slightly. “Kit is fantastic. She’s like a brave warrior princess!”

Your mother pursed her lips in disapproval, prompting Sorsha to quickly chime in. “What about Airk? Did you enjoy playing with Airk?”

Even though you had formed a stronger bond with Kit, you did still enjoy playing with Airk. “Yea, he was fun to play with too.”

All three adults beamed at you once again, teeth shining so bright you were almost sure you were going blind. That previous feeling of unease settled in your stomach again; you weren’t sure what your parents were planning, or why they kept interrogating you about your new friends.

It was your father, your gentle and typically soft-spoken father, who decided to ask the question they were all waiting for. “Princess, when you grow up, would you like to marry Airk?”

The adults looked at you expectantly, waiting with bated breath. To you, this was nothing more than an innocent question, a completely hypothetical situation. To them, however, your answer would determine the rest of your life.

You furrowed your brow, pondering their question. “If I marry Airk, does that mean I can play with Kit forever and ever?”

Your parents glanced at each other, and then at Sorsha. All three were slightly taken aback by your response, and none of them knew how to answer your question.

Finally, it was your mother who decided to speak up, nodding slowly as she did. “Well… if you were to marry Airk… technically you and Kit would be sisters. So… yes, I suppose you would get to spend a lot of time together.”

A warm feeling exploded in your chest. Sisters? You’d never even had a sibling before, let alone a sister, and the thought of having one as cool as Kit made you bounce with excitement.

“Then yes,” you exclaimed. “When I grow up, I want to marry Airk!”

The adults cheered in approval, your father hoisting you up onto his shoulders while the women chatted about plans for something you couldn’t make out. At this point, the twins came back out carrying snacks, and ended up joining the impromptu celebration. Not you, nor Kit, nor Airk knew what exactly was being celebrated, but everyone was happy, and that was all any of you cared about.

That night was spent in the Tir Asleen castle, you and your parents meant to be resting for the journey back to Azarenth the next morning. You were supposed to use one of the many guest rooms available, but you and Kit had begged your parents to let you share Kit’s room, and after promising to go to sleep at a reasonable hour, they finally agreed.

You and Kit spent the entire night hidden under her covers, telling stories and sharing sweet secrets. Once the night sky turned pitch black, you had to resort to soft whispers and stifled giggles, for fear of your parents hearing you awake so late and making you sleep separately. Eventually, just before daybreak, you two fell asleep, passed out only after neither of you could keep your eyes open any longer.

The next morning, Sorsha found you both collapsed, buried under Kit’s sheets, lying in a heap and practically tangled into each other. As she gently shook you awake and sent you to the room your parents were staying in, she couldn’t help but smile to herself; Kit didn’t have many girl friends, instead opting to spend most of her free time with her brother and other boys from the neighboring village. It was refreshing, watching her daughter form a close bond with a girl, especially one she was planning on having as a future daughter-in-law.

After getting dressed and sharing a quick breakfast, it was time for you and your parents to begin making your way back to Azarenth. You and Kit shared a tearful goodbye, promising to remain close companions as you embraced each other for the last time.

“Do you still have my breeches?” Kit whispered.

You nodded. “I’m wearing them under my skirt.”

As you let go of each other, you glanced down and noticed your pink ribbon from the previous day was now tied around Kit’s wrist, neatly held together with a bow. You smiled, gingerly picking up her hand and running your fingers over the lacy fabric.

“My ribbon…” you whispered.

“Mommy helped me put it on,” Kit grinned proudly, holding it up by her face in an exaggerated pose. “How do I look?”

You giggled. “Like a princess.”

After leaving Kit and bidding a quick farewell to Airk, you and your parents piled into the carriage for the journey back to your own kingdom. Soon, all you could hear was the dull clip-clop of the driving horse stepping along the cobblestone road.

“Hmm,” your mother pursed her lips as soon as Tir Asleen was out of sight. “I’m not sure how I feel about that Kit girl. She doesn’t seem like the most positive influence. I mean, breeches? On a princess? What was her mother thinking?”

You gulped, crossing your legs and pulling your skirt farther down, fearing that your mother could tell you were secretly wearing Kit’s breeches underneath.

“Something tells me Sorsha isn’t too happy about the breeches herself,” your father murmured, making your mother nod in agreement.

The tips of your ears burned with resentment. In that moment, you hated your parents for looking down on Kit, and didn’t understand how they couldn’t see her the same way you did: wonderful.

Despite your indignation, you chose to bite your tongue, deciding that arguing would prove fruitless. Instead, you threw yourself into your imagination, looking out the window of the carriage and daydreaming about you and Kit growing up and running away together, free from the confines of your parents.

Little did you know, it would be five years before you saw Kit again.

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redslug · 4 months

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Coloring tutorial I guess

That's my most default shading style, a hybrid of line drawing and painted shadows, and I'll tell you exactly how to get this look. But before we start, you need a weapon This is my main brush for basically anything, including line art on days when I don't feel like switching to something actually intended for inking. It's a lightly textured square brush with color variation on every stamp. Intended for Procreate but you can always just rip the alpha texture out of the file and use it for a brush in any drawing program. That out of the way, let's go. I'll use the same line art as the one in fluff tutorial. Set the line layer to ~60 or so opacity and get to blocking in the base colors of your character. The jitter brush will introduce some color variation on it's own, but changing the color occasionally will add more visual interest.

After this I add a multiply layer on top and dab orange or red in places where we might be able to see the base of the hairs or peek at the carapace underneath.

It's places where hair parts and where it's shorter. This accent color works great on joints as well. Example of the thing I'm going for in real life:

Especially visible behind the head. It's not present on every moth to be fair, but I like to add these accents even where it wouldn't make sense, just because it looks nice. Even on insects without hair. Block in the eyes and mandibles now, best if it's on separate layer.

Now, the actual funny tricks begin. If you're one of the people who only use multiply or add blend modes, stop it, get some help Understanding the math behind blend modes is gonna get you a long way. My lineart is set to subtract more often than not. I find it produces juicier and more colorful results than multiply. I want to give this picture a warm orange feeling, so the color of my lines should be the opposite - blue.

And, subtract.

Perfect, but not quite. We can push the lines to an even softer feeling. Take the line layer, copy it, invert the color and set to multiply. I then throw gaussian blur on the resulting copy and reduce opacity until the lines bleed into the surroundings just a little bit.

On to actual shading. People who shade without getting in some background first scare me, so let me throw something together real quick.

A simple gradient will also suffice for this use. We just need some information on which colors are present in the surroundings. Copy your background, bring it on top of your character layers and gaussian blur it real hard. Set it to multiply, remove all parts of the layer that go beyond the pixels of the base color layer. Adjust opacity until the character fits in the background.

Let's identify the light sources. In this case it's only the sky, but it produces two distinct colors - soft blue lighting comes from the top, slightly stronger red comes from behind. The blue light I set to exclusion blend mode because it felt most appropriate in this case. Both add and screen looked too strong to be the light coming from such dark sky.

In this lighting context the lower part of the body will receive less light that the upper part. I use the green of the bushes set to multiply to darken the bottom.

The character is surrounded by all kinds of soft light, but it can't get everywhere. It's time to add ambient occlusion, or contact shadows, for those without a 3d background. Anywhere where there is a crevice or surfaces almost touch, a soft shadow will form.

I do it on a multiply layer with a neutral gray-green color. Gray because any color light isn't really getting in there and green because the fluff is somewhat transparent and whatever light does pass through it gains a greenish hue.

Last step, red rim light from the fading sunset behind the character.

Since it's rim light I just work with normal blending mode. Setting it to add or something of the sort would make the rim light brighter than the source of the light. And it'd be odd.

And that's it. I usually throw on some post processing in Snapseed. Pull some curves, throw on a bit of grain, etc. But it's a topic for another time.

In conclusion, try to think about the environment more when shading. What route does light go through to reach where you're coloring? Did it reflect off of any colored surface? Did it pass through something transparent to gain a different hue? What color shadow would this ambient lighting produce? Go have fun with your colors now.

#art tutorial #anthro #insect #moth

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st0nesnglitter · 1 year

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Hey, I just read your “truth or dare” smut with Sirius and loved it, that is pure art. I was wondering if you could write another smut with Sirius being very dominant and having a size kink and lots of degradation, if you feel comfortable, of course. Thanksss

SIZE KINK!!!!!! Ugh I’m a whore for size kinks

A/N: this is absolutely not my best work, my writing is a little rusty. But at least it’s meaty so hopefully you’ll like some part!

Word count: 3.7k

Ever since the night of the game Sirius had become more affectionate. You discussed what your friendship meant to each other and agreed to take it slow, not labeling it and letting it grow in its own pace.

But with the addition of a sexual relationship on top of friendship he has been paying you a lot more attention, being more touchy and you feared that the rest of the group had caught on. So in your mind, to try and lure off any suspicions, you had to be more flirty to the other Marauders. And as a similar night as the night of truth or dare was beginning to form you opted to sit next to Remus instead of Sirius.

“Wait, so are you meant to drink if you have done it or if you haven’t?” Lily slurred before reaching over to Peter to grab the joint floating around.

“If you have done it,” James explained, again, “but I think we should just say stuff, we don’t have to have done it to say it, y’know?”

“Okay does everyone get it?” Remus asked, ever the organizer, “drink if you’ve done it, say anything you can think of”.

The game started rather slow, people getting up to fetch things and to refill cups, but as the game progressed and the questions got juicier the players got more stagnant.

“Okay, never have I ever… slept with more than three people in a week?” Morcas asked, slowly scanning the crowd.

You didn’t really expect anyone to drink but as your eyes fell on Sirius you saw him take a sip. A pit formed in your stomach as you thought about the question. You knew he had a salacious history, certainly more extensive than yours, but you didn’t really want to think of it. The confidence you’ve built up during your sexual escapades with Sirius slowly crumbled as your thoughts ran away from you.

“I’ve got one! Never have I ever had a threesome?” Marlene asked with a wicked smile.

Lily raised her cup to her lips, as did James and they shared a giggle. The attention was directed toward them as people exclaimed and tried to get some more details as Sirius took another drink. You saw it, eyes slowly meeting his and you saw his eyebrow move towards each other in silent questioning.

You felt yourself shrink, averting your eyes and trying to focus on the ruckus that James created around the threesome. In the chaos the game kind of slipped everyones minds and sub-groups started to form around the room. You decided to top off your drink by the table where Remus stood, slightly leaning, mixing his own drink.

“Hey darling” Remus handed you some lemon juice for your drink.

“Hi Remmy” you mumbled and taste tested your little creation, scrunching your nose at the foul taste.

Remus chuckled at your reaction, “not tasty?”

You shook your head and looked up at him. In your peripheral vision you saw Sirius looking toward you. The pit in your stomach from earlier returned, and defiance grew in your body. If Sirius was so flirty and promiscuous, you could be too. Your hand found its way to Remus’ forearm, letting your fingers trace upwards.

“I just can’t get the mix right, your always turn out so tasty” you said, words slightly slurred from equal parts attempted sultriness and equal part intoxication.

Rem chuckled and turned around so he could get a fresh cup and started mixing a new drink. As he worked Lily and Marlene came up to the table.

”Surprised to see you over here” Marlene snickered and reached for a candy from the big bowl.

Your brows furrowed and looked up with a tilted head, obviously confused.

“What do you mean?” You said as Remus handed you your new drink. With just a glance down you knew that it was better than the one you’d mix.

“Just figured you’d be over by Sirius” she replied with a slight twinkle.

As the words reached your inebriated mind your face heated up to a couple thousand degrees. The worry of not having been slick was confirmed and you took a breath to conjure up a plan before replying with a smile.

“Oh no, not when Remmy looks this good” you murmured, sliding your hand over the lycanthropes bicep.

He looked down at you with a smirk and leaned over to place a kiss on your head.

“Well I’m flattered, darling”.

Marlene and Lily shared a look before walking away, mumbling to themselves about whatever. Remus turned to you again and smiled.

“So have you and Sirius stopped fucking or what?”

The question came at you like a couple hundred bees and you have to take second to realize he actually said that.

“Oh come on sweetheart, Sirius and I know everything about each other, you had to know he told me, right?” He said and his smile fell slightly.

“I-I just thought we were, y’know, secret” you mumbled and took a sip for courage. Remus let out a chuckle.

“You wanna be secret? Cause it’s pretty obvious, for everyone” he said over his cup and let his eyes sweep over the room as to prove his point. You let your gaze follow his before taking a step closer.

“Well, that’s kinda why I’ve been around you tonight” you started, quickly taking another swig, “ wanted to throw people off the scent”.

Remus’ face cracked up into a bright smile and let out a chuckle.

“Or are you tryna get him jealous?”

The thought hadn’t even crossed your mind before. He got you jealous during the game, why not retaliate?

“Want my help sweetheart?” Remus asked with a smirk, seeing your thought process like a movie outside your head.

You threw a glance over at Sirius who sat over by James, who had put up cups for a beer-pong tournament. Siri was so pretty from the side, cheekbones sculpted by some divine creature, lips slipping into such an easy smile so it was practically impossible not to smile back.

“Yes please” you almost begged him.

The rest of the night you and Remus circulated the rest of the group, like a moon to a planet, always keeping an eye out for Sirius. The beer-pong had started and with Lily and James teamed up it was quite impossible for the rest of the duos, but as they were down to the last cups Dorcas called out.

“Hey, Beauty and the Beast we need another team!”

You looked over and saw her stand next to Sirius but without any opponents on the other side. You glanced over at Remus as he rolled up his sleeves.

“Let’s go”.

You had Remus behind you, trying out your throw. With four misses in a row, and with Dorcas and Sirius leading with two cups, you tried to gather yourself. Playing with Gryffindors meant that every game is practically life or death.

“Oh come on! Just throw it!” Sirius exclaimed.

Your eyes shot up, a surprised look drawn over your whole face. His eyes had a very intriguing twinkle and he smiled in a way that made your stomach turn. So you threw it. And you made a perfect shot.

Remus let out a celebratory shout and wrapped his arms around your waist, hoisting you up slightly. You laughed and let yourself celebrate with him, lifting your arms into the air. But as Remus put you down you looked over at your opponents. As your eyes landed Sirius you saw that the twinkle had disappeared, which scared you. The second thing you noticed was that his smile had not disappeared, which scared you even more.

“Please, you’re still down a cup” Dorcas said with an eye-roll, “now stop dry humping and let’s get on with it”.

The rest of the game Remus’ left hand was always found on your person, on your shoulder, resting on your waist, guiding your own hand to make a perfect throw. And with the cloud of intoxication getting thicker as the night progressed the game got stretched out, by bathroom breaks, cup refilling and joint rolling. In the end you were tied with a single cup each and Sirius had one throw left. He looked up at you and winked before throwing the ball, making it in.

Dorcas threw herself over Sirius and whooped loudly, “ha! Suck it!”

“Better luck next time” Remus mumbled and walked over to Marlene who had the joint at this time.

Sirius sauntered over to you with two cups in his hands, “can we have a little chat?” He said through gritted teeth.

You followed him, sharing a mischievous look with Remus, before you were out of sight and earshot of the rest. He led you down a dark hall with a fast pace, gracefully not spilling your drinks. And just as you were about ask where you were going a big door appeared right by Sirius’ side. He opened the door and threw a quick, cold glance at you.

“In you go” he said and waited for you to move.

You took a few hesitant steps inside and heard him slam the door shut behind you, causing you to turn to him. He didn’t look angry, he looked peeved.

“You looked really pretty tonight” he said and handed over a glass to you.

The words confused you but you accepted the glass and looked up to him. His eyes had an intensity to them you didn’t expect after a night of drinking and it made you slightly uneasy, as if he had some sort of masterplan.

“Thank you, Siri” you mumbled, “that’s really ni-“.

“Which is one of the reasons why I’m so pissed you decided to waste it on Moony” he cut you off.

“Not because you’d ever do something with him,” he walked toward the middle of the room with slow, deliberate steps. but because you thought you could make me jealous”.

A smile crept over your face and you locked eyes with him over the brim of your cup as you took a sip. The drink was strong, one of Sirius’ drinks signature, but it still felt refreshing.

“I’d say you are a little jealous” you suggested lowly.

As those words registered in Sirius head he whipped around and looked at you again. Then he walked up and took the glass from you, placing it somewhere behind him.

“You think you’re so cute, huh?” He practically growled, “going around groping my best friend in front of me?”

His hands came up to your face, slowly pushing your stray hairs aside with care. You glanced to his lips, hopeful, but he just shook his head.

“Nuh uh, you’ve spent this whole night trying to prove some stupid point” his breath fanned over your face as he spoke, “all for what?”

You assumed it to be rhetorical question but after a beat of silence he still looked down on you expectantly, his big hand wrapping around your face and pushing your cheeks into a small pout.

“All for what?” He repeated.

“I-i uhm, I wanted to make you jealous, o-or maybe just to get your attention” you stumbled out, his lips forming into a sly smirk.

“Well isn’t that cute” he hummed, “do you like having my attention?”

You nodded and let your hands fall onto the waist of the slacks he was wearing, trying to ground yourself by grabbing onto something.

“And you’d do anything I ask, right?”

The hand not pressed into your cheek met yours by his waist, darting past them to unbuckle his belt as you nodded a second time.

“I want you to get on your knees, darling”

Your body acted even before you really understood what he was saying, sinking slowly down onto the hardwood floor. Your hands traced his thigh as you sank, making Sirius throw his head back momentarily.

When you were situated below him he took a few steps back, inspecting you like a work of art. The act was degrading in way that made your skin crawl with excitement. His eyes fell down onto you with a newfound darkness and his already tall body towered over you like never before. Your mouth fell open by itself and he chuckled, walking back up to your small frame.

“You have such good natural instincts, love” he remarked as his hand tilted your chin upwards, “what do you want?”

“I want to..” your words died down as your confidence diminished, but as you saw Sirius’ gaze you knew he wouldn’t let you get away with it.

“I want to suck your dick” you mumbled and he patted your cheek lightly in approval.

“Well what kind of monster would I be if I didn’t let you do just that”

Since his belt already was unbuckled he could just reach down and unzip his trousers, letting them pool by his ankles. You got a great view of his not so unimpressive bulge from where you were sitting and felt yourself leaning forward. With an approving smile from Sirius you let your hands slide upwards again and you delicately wrapped your fingers around the outline. As you let your hands massage him a small, wet spot formed on his dark grey boxers.

“Fuck, you’re so pretty” he groaned, tangling his hand in your hair as he pulled his underwear down.

His beautiful, pink cock sprung out, bobbing in the air as he stepped out of his boxers. He gave himself a few slow strokes as he took in your blown out eyes and flushed cheeks. He grabs his dick as you let your tongue lull out, his smile turning almost sinister as he slaps his tip down onto the pink muscle repeatedly. Without warning he thrusts forward into your warmth, pulling a loud gag from you as he groans. Sirius sets a slow pace after your initial shock dies down, savoring the feeling of your wet mouth.

“This is really what you should be doing” he murmurs, disguising a particularly shrill moan, “not dicking around with my best mate”.

In an attempt to show your obedience you try to nod but the movement makes his length shoot right down into your throat. You pull away as tears well up in your eyes and coughs escape you.

“Fuck m’sorry” you mumbled with an apologetic look over your face.

“Gods, you’re gonna make me cum way too quickly” he groans as he leans his forearms onto the wall behind you, making his cock bob against your face. You licked the thick vein displayed over you and saw Sirius’ face scrunch together tightly

“Nuh uh” he murmured and hooked his hands under your armpits to yank you up from the floor, “I just can’t wait anymore, I gotta have you”.

In a fit of passion he pulled you as close as humanly possible, the kiss being all teeth clashing and tongue wrestling. As he kept pushing you up against the wall he unbuttoned his shirt, dark fabric slipping off of his lean shoulders.

“You know you’re really too dressed for my taste” he said, mumbled by your lips.

When you got back to earth from the kiss a pang of confidence flooded your body and you felt your arms push him away before really realizing.

“Sit down” you ordered with more dominance than you’ve ever had in your voice.

The raven haired man smirked as he sat down on the comfy bed the Room of Requirement housed, legs spread and leaning on his arms, accentuating his lean muscles.

You started to unbutton your slacks, fumbling slightly with the zipper, working for it to look seductive. Pulling them down slowly over your hips you slowly turned around to give him a view of your bum. You noticed, to your delight, when you faced him again his right hand had migrated to his cock, keeping a steady pace as he watched you intently. You stepped out of your trousers and kicked them away as you got to work to pull your shirt over your head in one swift motion, leaving you in black underwear.

“C’mon love, get over here” Sirius muttered out almost so quietly that you didn’t hear him. You sauntered over to him and straddled his hips, careful so you didn’t crush his member. As your lips reconnected you pulled his open shirt off of him, tracing the panes of muscle over this back before your hands got back to his hair. With his hands on your hips he guided your movements, making you grind down into his thigh. When it hit a particularly good spot you whimpered into his mouth and it opened up into a grin.

“This feel good huh?”

You could only nod as you steadied yourself with your hands on his shoulders and focused solely on hitting that spot over and over.

“Feel better than my cock?” He asked and you forced your eyes open to meet his as you shook your head. He chuckled and kissed your jawline.

With one swift motion he flipped the two of you over, ripping your panties with minimal effort.

“Hey!” You shrieked, looking at the fabric in his hand.

“Oh get over it, you’ve already soiled them” he smirked, feeling the wetness that resided in the clothing.

You felt your face heat up, diverting your eyes.

“Aw poor baby, are you embarrassed?” Sirius turned your head back to him with two fingers, making you look at him.

“Embarrassed that you’re so desperate to get fucked?” He asked with eye-contact that burned.

You nodded again and felt some tingling in your stomach at his words. He smiled at you, slightly sweeter than you expected in this situation, and held up his hand to your mouth. When your eyes flitted up to his in confusion he sighed.

“Spit.”

The simply word made wetness pool between your thighs and you complied quickly, to Sirius’ content. He used the saliva as lubricant over his dick before dragging a finger between your slit. He chuckled again and placed a kiss on your hip.

“My filthy girl, getting this turned on from a little degradation hm?”

The heat residing over your cheeks ignited once again and you opened your mouth to say something but could not think of anything in your defense.

“That’s fine” he mumbled as he lined himself up against you, “I’ll give you anything you want”.

He pushed in slowly, both for your comfort but also for his enjoyment. Seeing your face contort, right on the edge between pain and pleasure, and hands flexing as you tried to figure out what to do with them. He set a slow pace, intent in making sure you felt every inch of him.

“Such a little cockslut” he moaned out, feeling you squeeze him at the words, “fuck, getting tight at my words huh?”

In the cloud of pleasure where you were in made his words float together, your jaw falling slack as he increased his force. He took a hold of your hair and tighten his fist slightly to get your attention.

“Feel so fuckin’ good sweetheart” Sirius groaned out.

His cock hit you right where you needed and your hands went to his biceps, gripping onto them to ground yourself, but just as you grabbed on he moved his right arm. His fingers found your clit and he began to carefully rub circles over it, feeling you clench around him again.

“Gods if you keep doin’ that you’re gonna make me cum” you slurred out, rolling your hips to meet his thrusts.

“That’s kinda the point darling” he chuckled.

As his gaze fell down where the two of you connected he saw as he thrusted in a little bump formed in your stomach. He slowed down to watch it closely and moaned loudly.

“My cock is basically splitting you in half” he said, more to himself. The words made you flex around him and his hand went to grab your face.

“Bloody hell, don’t do that!” He reprimanded, wrapping an arm around your waist and hoisted you up slightly before flipping back over so you straddled his lap.

“If you’re gonna be a tease you’re gonna have to do the work.”

You whined at his words but started to grind against him immediately, not wanting to lose the momentum you’d already built up. From this new angle he prodded even deeper inside of you, so deep it almost hurt, and your head fell back feeling all those explosions of pleasure.

“Can’t even hold your head up” Sirius stated, hand coming up behind your back and cradling your head, “just a little toy fo’ me huh?”

His words barely registered at this point, you were too wrapped up in your impending orgasm that you only noticed his voice, tone indicating that he said something mean.

“Please Siri” you mumbled, legs slowing down slightly at the effort of riding him.

“Please what?” He grinned, eyes watching your face intently.

“I jus’ need a little help, need your help to cum” you opened your eyes properly and gave him a pleading look. His face softened and gave you a soft kiss before planting his feet on the floor to thrust up into you. He let his hands wander down to your hips and he started helping you go up and down.

“Fuck that feels so good” you moaned, letting your hand play with your clit to get you closer, “‘m about to cum Siri”.

His determination grew as he heard those words, increasing his pace to watch your face fall into bliss. When you toppled over the hill of your orgasm your legs buckled underneath you, Sirius keeping strong hands over your hips to fuck you through your climax.

As the mist of white pleasure started to clear out from your head you let out a breath you didn’t knew you held in. Sirius’ eyes were impossibly dark, making you nervous.

“How about we flip you around and let the real fun begin?”

#sirius black #sirius black blurb #sirius black drabble #sirius black smut #sirius black imagine #sirius black x reader #sirius black x y/n #sirius black fic #sirius black x you #marauders #marauders smut #marauders era #marauders era smut #marauders blurb

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s-aint-elmo · 1 year

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digging out the eah content i created in a frenzy during last year’s summer of obsession part 1: my personal sapphic multishipping guide (created to explain to my friends which of these dolls i think should hold hands)

(more in-depth discussion of the ships below the cut)

the polycule that will take over ever after

kitty/lizzie; kitty/maddie; maddie/lizzie

self-explanatory. frequently purchased together do not separate. bonus shoutout to maddie canonically giving kitty a little kissie on the cheek and getting off scot-free in the books though. a wonderlandiful world was a banquet to me

cedar protection squad

once again a wonderlandiful world and once upon a time i owe you my life. kitty ESP being so adamant abt not giving a shit then turning around and fucking up those boys who were mean to cedar...... i love friendship

kitty/cerise

also self-explanatory. she was a catgirl she was a wolfgirl can i make it anymore obvious. also doribuki’s phenomenal fake dating fanfic....... transformative foundational transcendental

cerise/raven

YOU MUST UNDERSTAND. i entered eah a rapple shipper and exited the book series ready to burn at the stake for cerise/raven. book two was SO MUCH. it had everything. raven befriending cerise despite her attempts to isolate herself. texting in class. winking at each other. raven meeting the parents and hearing embarrassing baby cerise stories. cerise putting it all on the line to save raven. i’m ambivalent about shadow high but cerise gets literally one (1) mention and it’s in raven’s internal monologue wherein she equates cerise’s hood w feelings of warmth and safety. like how was that in any way necessary. i rest my case

raven & maddie

self-explanatory as well. dabesties. the ride or dies. it means so much to me that raven always has a friend in maddie no matter how many clowns and jokers (derogatory) treat her like the antichrist. maddie the character ever

raven/apple

WHAT IT SAYS ON THE TIN. the gelphie dynamic is a classic and i am EXTREMELY vulnerable to it. they are THE ship and i will pay my respects to the end of time. i am a big fan of how they trade their roles throughout the franchise and how rich the drama and history are between them. it’s pure fucking poetry.

raven/darling

TBH. a serve. the only thing juicier than evil queen/damsel in distress is evil queen/princess charming. big big fan of darling giving raven the five star princess treatment after a lifetime of being feared and shunned and vilified. equally big fan of raven’s momentous act of rebellion giving darling the courage to be true to herself. ALSO. the absolute archetype-subversion slay of the Pure-Hearted Hero(TM) confronting the Mistress of Evil(TM) and dropping their sword. looking through the smoke and mirrors and the will of Fate itself to see the girl who has wanted nothing but to be kind beneath. swearing their heart and soul and sword to the one true good they have found. picture it. i can almost see the 100-word drabble

raven/apple/darling

now THIS is just THE fairytale couple. the evil queen, the damsel in distress and the princess charming ALL holding hands and riding off into the sunset together. dappling on its own doesn’t do it for me but raven in the mix just makes everything gel perfectly. she’s the tomato in the ratatouille the cornstarch in the spring roll water, etc etc

darling/holly

this is one of those ships where i read a really convincing fic and the more i thought of it the more it just made sense. like they'd read swashbucklers and tales of courtly love together. holly would 100% write a darling placeholder in her self-insert romance fanfic pre-relationship as a way to express her feelings. darling would 100% find out and gently pull her out of the pit of sheer mortification she drilled into the ground to escape. also the height difference is a thing of beauty

safe from the polycule

duchess/poppy

they have one singular episode to their name and it was enough. it was Everything. the dynamic you can extrapolate from that one single interaction is so incredibly appealing to me. duchess’s bitchiness belied by her palpable air of vulnerability coming up against poppy’s spine of steel tempered by her skill in gaining perspective. poppy can challenge duchess into being a better person and duchess can be poppy’s character flaw like idk she just has shit taste in women that was the price she had to pay to be moisturized and unbothered by destiny. i just think they have the potential to be the unexpected, inexplicable power couple of eah

briar/faybelle

do i even need to say anything they had a whole movie to make their case. they’re rapple if rapple got their shit together before armageddon, with the bonus of a potential curse-breaking true love’s kiss for the fanfic authors to thrash between their teeth. truly unlimited. also unlike rapple where raven is 100% against being a villain and therefore it’s apple who has to do the mental gymnastics to open herself to the possibility of a relationship w raven, faybelle is just chomping at the bit to make her momma proud and presents a compelling perspective for the whole “falling in love w your fated nemesis” thing

blondie/cupid

they are icons, they are legends, and they ARE the moment. these two are so chaotic individually, what with blondie’s criminal skillset and habit of menacing innocent woodland creatures and cupid’s matchmaking powers combined w her shitty aim, that putting them together can only mean good things. there’s this whole element of their shared passion as public figures who at their best seek the truth and guide others through matters of the heart respectively that’s always interesting as a point of irony/obstacle when they start catching feelings and have to decide what to do with them. their joint youtuber/podcaster slay can level nations

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spectersgirl · 7 months

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So like... truly not a single individual asked for even anything remotely this but I've had it sitting partially unfinished in my drafts since the day I started this blog. I'm debating turning it into like a 3ish part mini-series but please do let me know if you guys think I should just leave it alone or keep going! If I did continue this, know that future parts would be juicier and likely include a bit of angst as it would kind of work perfectly with a request I have in my inbox!

Without further adieu, I hope you enjoy :)

Something More

Harvey Specter x Reader

--------

You were in such a rush to get to work that you hadn’t bothered to check your phone until you were already on the train and headed to your office. If you had, maybe you would’ve put a bit more attention into your appearance on that particular day. Once you were in your seat, you finally pulled out your phone and noticed a rather… compelling message from none other than Harvey Specter. Your heart nearly beat out of your chest.

You’d very recently become a junior partner at the firm, which meant you’d be working just a bit more closely with him than when you were simply an associate. This thought both excited you and also freaked you out just a little. Harvey was the biggest of the big dogs in corporate law, and to say you weren't intimidated would simply be a lie.

The message Harvey had sent you was simple, as he didn’t tend to beat around the bush or waste any time when it came to much of anything.

“Come see me when you get in, I want to chat. Don’t worry, you’re not in trouble. Oh, and there’s something waiting for you in your office.”

You pictured the smirk he had while typing out that message, knowing he'd made you nervous.

You fluffed up your hair a little and checked your lipgloss in the reflection of your front camera and before you knew it, you found yourself pressing the elevator button up to Pearson Specter, and clicking your heels as you walked to Harvey’s office. You decided to go straight there, wanting to get whatever this was out of the way. You paused when you reached Donna’s desk, unsure of whether or not you needed to check in with her first. You'd never been summoned to Harvey's office before.

“You can go right on in, hon. He already told me he’s expecting you.” She said with a slight smile, not even needing to look up from her screen to see who was there.

“H-how’d you know it was me?” You asked, visibly thrown off by her skill. You didn't have a ton of interaction with Donna when you were an associate, only here and there and you’d heard she was good at this type of thing, but damn.

She looked up and gave you the “Do you really have to ask me that” face.

“Right. Thanks, Donna” you said as you turned toward Harvey’s office, only slightly embarrassed.

You knocked on his door, which sat slightly ajar. He was reading from a file folder, but closed it when he saw you enter.

“She Donna’d you, didn’t she?” He asked with amusement present in his tone.

“That she did. But umm, you... wanted to see me?" Your stomach was doing flips, despite him saying you weren't in any trouble, you felt like you were anyway.

He smiled, gesturing at the seat in front of him at his desk. You cautiously sat down, your guard still up.

“I told you, you're not in trouble. You can relax, Y/N. I don't bite. I just wanted to congratulate you personally on making junior partner. I know we’ve never really crossed paths much since you started here, but I really look forward to getting to know you. From what I've heard, you do great work, Y/N. It definitely doesn’t go unnoticed by me, or any of the senior staff. You’re going to do great things here.” He said earnestly.

You were floored. Of anything you expected Harvey to call you into his office for, this wouldn’t have even cracked your top 20 guesses. Up until your promotion, you weren’t even confident he knew your name let alone knew about and recognized the hard work you constantly put in.

“O-oh! Really? Thank you! That means everything coming from you.” You replied.

"Of course 'really', I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it." He said with a chuckle.

You relaxed your shoulders and sunk a tiny bit lower in your seat.

Harvey opened his mouth to say something else, but as he did, Donna poked her head in to let him know he had a call from a client.

You quickly stood up and smoothed your dress out.

“I’ll let you take that, but thank you again, Harvey. I really appreciate it.” You told him.

He smiled warmly and stood now, too, walking you the few feet to his doorway. You mentally noted how gentlemanly this was, saving the thought for later.

By the time you got to your office you had completely forgotten the other part of Harvey's message from earlier, that he had left something on your desk. Neatly placed in front of your laptop was the most beautiful bouquet of flowers you’d ever seen, and a stack of business cards, embossed with your name and the new title. A post-it note sat on top of them with “Congrats!” written in Harvey’s handwriting. You smiled widely. To you, even these cards meant more than you could possibly describe. They were a physical manifestation of all the hard work you'd put in, everything you'd gone through and overcame. As for the flowers, well, they definitely were a shock to you. You didn’t take Harvey as a flowers guy.

You settled into your desk chair, smiling down at the stack of cards before signing into your computer, and getting started on the slightly mountainous pile of work you had to take care of. With a promotion of course came more cases and harder work, but regardless, you were still glad to have been promoted.

You were deep in your laptop typing up a brief for one of your cases when you noticed a presence standing in your doorway.

“Oh, Harvey! Hey, sorry I was just in my head. I was going to come by earlier and thank you for the flowers and the cards. They’re beautiful”

Harvey grinned and nodded his head.

“Of course, you deserve them! Though I can’t exactly take credit for the floral arrangement… that was all Donna.”

“What can Donna not do?”

“I’ve been asking myself that for the last twelve years."

"Did I hear my name?" Donna said, appearing seemingly out of nowhere and making Harvey nearly jump out of his skin.

You smiled brightly, greeting the redhead and thanking her for the flowers. She lit up and told you all about her florist, telling you she'd get you a business card asap.

As the week went on, you found yourself having more run-in's like this with Harvey than you'd had in the entirety of your employment at the firm. Surely it was a coincidence, or at least that's what you'd convinced yourself anyway.

The remaining Harvey-free parts of your week didn't nearly live up to how your first morning as a partner had gone. You had been hitting dead end after dead end in all your cases and nothing was going the way you'd planned. The deposition you had scheduled for Friday got moved, so at the very least, you were able to head home a little earlier than you planned. You were wrapping up and grabbing your coat when a knock on your office door made you jump, the tension from your rather hellish week still rattling you.

"Hey sorry to scare you, I just wanted to see how your first official week as a junior partner went?"

You huffed a sigh in response, not wanting to make a big deal out of the tough day that surely you'd get over.

Harvey chuckled at this.

"That bad, huh?"

"I'll be fine, I’ll get it figured out it’s just everything I tried to do went exactly the opposite of how I wanted it to go."

"I would tell you we've all been there, but I wouldn't want to lie to you," Harvey replied, smirking as he straightened his tie. "Harvey Specter always gets what he wants"

"Mmm, I'm sure he does.” You mused. “Well Harvey, as much as I'd like to chat more, I was about to head home and have a very large, very strong drink."

"Funny, I was about to ask if you'd like to join me for a drink."

You paused for a beat, weighing the pros and cons of going for a drink with Harvey. On one hand, he was technically your boss and it wouldn't be the worst idea to get to know him better. On the other, it made you a little nervous having any alcohol in your system around him. For totally work-related reasons, of course, and no other reasons.

"Fuck it," you thought to yourself. "live a little."

“You know what Harvey? Sure. I'd like that.”

Harvey grinned in a way that made your stomach erupt with butterflies.

"Good, let's get out of here." He said, grabbing your coat off the coat rack and handing it to you.

You grabbed it from him, put your bag over your shoulder and flicked the lamp on your desk off.

Harvey stood by the door to your office, holding it open and letting you go first.

"Wow, and to think just yesterday I thought you were only a pretty boy with an ego. Harvey Specter is actually a gentleman?" You questioned teasingly. Harvey raised an eyebrow, smirking as you both walked toward the elevators.

"All I'm hearing is that you think I'm pretty"

"Not the point, Specter."

"It's the only point I caught. Did you say something else?"

"And suddenly I'm regretting saying yes to you"

Harvey chuckled now, pressing the lobby button as the elevator doors closed.

Not an hour later, the two of you were seated at a small table in whatever fancy bar it was that Harvey had taken you to. You'd forgotten the name, but apparently, it was somewhere Harvey frequented if the exceptional treatment from the staff and the fact that they knew his name was any indication.

You ordered the drink you always ordered, a whiskey ginger with a lime, and Harvey nodded approvingly before ordering his own drink.

Once your server walked away, he turned to you with an impressed look on his face.

"You're a whiskey girl?"

You shrugged. "I've become one, I used to be a vodka girl in college though." You said with a giggle, remembering all the nights stumbling home from parties with your college roommate after way too many vodka lemonades.

"I was a 'whatever gets me drunk the fastest' guy myself," Harvey said, making you both laugh. Your drinks arrived and you held your glass up to cheers before taking the first sip.

You were surprisingly having a great time with Harvey, he was really getting to know you and you were even able to squeeze a few stories out of him, too. As time passed and the more drinks you had, the more you let your guard down and finally admitted to yourself that Harvey wasn't the same cocky guy you'd heard about from the rest of the world. He'd already started to show this in the workplace, but now that all the stress of the office was gone maybe, just maybe, you were even starting to admit to yourself that you wanted something else between the two of you. You pondered this while Harvey ordered another drink for each of you, your fourth of the night.

"Okay that'll have to be my last one, I can assure you, you don't want to see drunk Y/N this early into knowing me. She can be a handful" You warned with a smile.

Harvey chuckled in response, nodding in understanding.

You each sipped your drinks as you chatted some more, giving him some more bits and pieces about your life.

Harvey flagged down the server when you were both finished and before you could even offer to pay for your drinks, Harvey had already handed over his Amex.

"You didn't have to do that, I'm more than capable of buying my own drinks." You stated, standing and draping your coat over your arm. The heat from your slight intoxication warming you enough as it was. Harvey followed your lead, standing from his own chair before responding. He stepped slightly forward, much closer to you.

"I know you are, I just wanted to celebrate you making junior partner and show you that I really enjoyed your company tonight," Harvey said softly, a genuine smile on his face.

Your cheeks felt like they were on fire at his admission, and at the lack of distance.

"I happened to enjoy your company too."

You knew it was risky, and likely unrequited, to feel the way you felt right there in that busy yet intimate bar. You rationally knew that he probably was just being nice because he wanted to get to know you better for working purposes, but the drinks you'd had were starting to catch up with you and you didn't know how long you'd be able to take this closeness.

Harvey spoke, interrupting your train of thought.

"Look, I know it might cause some talk around the office, but I'd like to have something more with you. So, if you're feeling what I'm feeling, I'd really like to see you again. I mean, I'll see you at work obviously. But I'd like to take you out again, more planned this time-" He stammered, making you smile.

"Harvey?"

"Hmm?"

"Stop talking."

Before you could think twice you were pulling him close, planting your lips on his, and he wasted no time returning the gesture. When you finally pulled away, slightly out of breath, Harvey tucked your hair behind your ear.

"So is that a yes?"

"That's definitely a yes."

#harvey specter #harvey specter x reader #suits fics #harveyspecter #harvey specter suits #suits #NOT A REQUEST omg who am I

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seafoamreadings · 1 month

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week of april 21st, 2024

these are written predominantly for the *rising* signs but they are also intuitively "channeled" enough that they should work for any dominant energy you have! (try your sun if you don't know rising, or more advanced readers can try moon, anywhere you have a stellium, etc and see what works best for you!)

aries: the biggest astrological news of your week is the end of mercury retrograde right in the middle of your sign. you can still anticipate a little bit of shenanigans for a few days afterward since it is so close to home for you, but from here on out a little peaceful normalcy re-enters your life. if you need more chaos it'll have to be the kind you make for yourself.

taurus: aries antics are not yet at an end but in many ways your sign now becomes the star of the show. on some levels this will be quite fun for you, especially if you thrive under positive attention from others. on other levels, the shifts and changes can be overwhelming to your stolid and stable sign. try to be surprised and delighted rather than shocked and dismayed. it's probably not all so bad and if it is, you will prevail.

gemini: the end of a mercury retrograde is always good news for a gemini. your mind clears where there was recently any brain fog or fuzziness. the fumbling and bumbling shifts back to your natural willowy gracefulness. other things are going on this week too but this is the biggest relief for you.

cancerians: mercury retrograde has been hard for the cardinal signs like you, but its end this week is a breath of fresh air. meanwhile a full scorpio moon can also help you recharge any intellectual or mental fatigue you have been experiencing lately, but do expect to be in your feelings a bit about it. not that that's a bad thing, no matter what some might say. it is one of your gifts, how deeply you can feel.

leo: you'll have a lot of strong feelings early on this week but by the weekend your head and heart are much clearer. physical exercise benefits you, so head to a gym or just have a little nice gallivanting outdoors.

virgo: the more mercurial virgoans will feel great relief as mercury goes direct at last. but don't jump in too quickly to any contracts or sharing resources. less mercurial virgoans will be more focused on mars-neptune in pisces, bringing some illusions (or disillusionment) to relationships. emilie du chatelet said our happiness depends on our illusions, so it is ok to embrace them to some degree, but don't let anyone lie to you or do you harm.

libra: this week's astrology portends mainly good things (although also shifting things) in your relationships, perhaps some delusion or manipulation occurring in some routine or place of work, and a full moon involving your money. if you've been financially wise and responsible, this could be great news. if you've let your luxurious venusian tendencies get the better of you recently, perhaps less great.

scorpio: you may find yourself saying mercury schmercury to the folks hyped up about mercury retrograde this week, but it's mostly due to the full moon that occurs in your sign shortly beforehand. your daily routines run smoother than ever but your emotions are heated and overflowing. don't try to cram it down. let it out, in private if need be.

sagittarius: mercury direct again may well herald a creative breakthrough. or, perhaps juicier, a new relationship or fling. or even an affair, if you're that kind of sagittarian.

capricorn: your sign and your cardinal brethren will certainly feel a relief of some tension or disarray as mercury resumes forward motion this week. the first half of the week is also a great time for you to socialize, if you have the time!

aquarius: almost for sure, you'll receive some sort of important or, at minimum, 'interesting' message around the time that mercury ends its retrograde this week. and before that/at the same time, the full moon in scorpio lights up your 10th house of status and legacy, so while you may not want to be out there posting any serious news on your socials, it's ok to take credit for work well done.

pisces: if you can, avoid spending money (especially on anything important) until next week. on the other hand, academic pursuits get a major boost and if you're not an academic, at least get philosophical about something close to your heart. by the end of the week a mars-neptune conjunction gives you energy, although perhaps not of the physical sort. avoid lying to yourself or others.

#astrology #horoscopes #horoscope #weekly horoscopes #weekly horoscope #signs #zodiac #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces

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dmsr-art · 2 months

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whose pussy is juicier: mercy or corona?

this is like mercy's anatomist prowess vs ianthe's siscon feelings

ianthe wins. she went crazy creating the most perfect, juicy, bespoke pussy for her beloved sister. like insane levels of attention to detail. ianthe should be locked up for what she did. if mercymorn had seen that pussy she would have been gagged. she would have touched it and been like "something happened here".

tldr corona's pussy is juicer 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

#pussy thots #tridentariicest #mercymorn the first #vee asks

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typellblog · 9 months

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The limits of ‘I can fix her’ mindset; or, Why Emiya Shirou is the protagonist

Here's a kinda improptu analysis post created because I wanted to complain about a meme, but I can hopefully use that as a jumping-off point to talk about some interesting parts of FSN as a whole.

Here’s the meme in question. The phrases chosen in each case do bear some superficial similarity to the events of each route, so I won’t fault anyone for just sharing it for the funny, but if you think about it for 5 seconds the whole thing collapses.

For starters, why are the routes backwards? If anything, Saber’s route establishes a dynamic of Shirou trying to ‘fix’ heroines, which is then subverted in UBW (note the parallel date scenes).

But I don’t think ‘fix’ is the correct term in the first place. I would say the shared theme of all FSN’s routes is that Shirou gains self-worth through his attempts to save each girl.

We can see this in the Fate route, where Shirou ends up proud of himself for having loved Saber. He is grateful for the emptiness in his heart that allows him to so easily devote himself to other people, because he wants to devote himself to her.

The hole inside of him is filled by a real, actual person, rather than simply a vague ideal from Kiritsugu. It’s something that he can be happy about, rather than something he bears out of self-castigation and to escape from his past.

Much has been made of their mutual recognition of their own flaws in each other – the way they really do attempt to fix each other - but it should be noted that this is not ultimately successful. Saber is, in some sense, saved in the basement scene, but not from the path of kingship. Shirou can’t give her a life as an ordinary girl because he recognises that the thing about her he finds the most beautiful is that very self-sacrificial and uncompromising nature.

They recognise their own flaws in each other, but, just as importantly, they realise their own virtues in each other. Saber sees in Shirou the way she was when she had just pulled the sword out of the stone. Shirou sees in Saber the end of a life pursuing the same unreachable dream – and finds it dazzling.

The implication of Last Episode is that Shirou never stops trying to be a hero, never settles down to a normal life, never gives up on his dream – because his dream is embodied in Artoria herself. She disappears, at the end of the Fate route, but her effect on him remains forever.

I cannot possibly call this a healthy relationship. They did not fix each other, they just realised they were broken in exactly the right ways to slot together.

Saber is a sword, and she perfectly slides into Shirou, her sheath. You could argue they suit each other the best of all three pairs.

But this site is already full of Saberheads, and honestly that part of the meme is the least inaccurate, so let me get into the juicier bit.

Now, Rin tries to fix Shirou in Unlimited Blade Works, she absolutely does. She takes a very proactive approach to it – but what are the results? Shirou still commits to his path of becoming a hero of justice. He says he’ll repeat Archer’s actions despite knowing the result. He says he won’t regret it, and perhaps not, but the habit of self-sacrifice hasn’t disappeared. What he gains from Rin is, again, a sense of self-worth to go along with it.

One of the best scenes in UBW takes place right after Illya’s death. Rin questions what the fuck is wrong with Shirou, jumping in to try and save her like that. Did Kiritsugu do something to him when he was rescued from the fire? Why is his brain so broken?

Shirou has been wondering about a similar thing himself. He’s always had a vague sense of uncertainty about his ideals of heroism. It’s why Archer’s presence bugs him so much, why he can’t provide a convincing counterargument to anything the man says.

But Rin here, seriously worried about him, has provided the answer. It’s because the people who care about him would be sad if he was hurt. His life actually has some value.

And recognising that, he says, ‘Sorry, Tohsaka,” and continues down the same path.

Tohsaka Rin is always a struggle to talk about, because you can quite easily see her as either a victim of patriarchy with severe emotional repression issues, or a Strong Independent Woman who can handle most problems on her own.

Both can be true, of course, but I’d argue that if you look at the VN as a whole (specifically Heaven’s Feel), the latter is deliberately shown to be a façade she has been putting on for so long that she’s forgotten how to take it off. It’s why Sakura at times finds her so unsympathetic and why it’s so vitally important for her to try and sympathise anyway. They both suffered terribly as a result of Tokiomi’s decisions – Sakura perhaps more so, but Rin still had her entire family taken from her as a young child.

But in any case, reading UBW in this light makes it clear that she really does need Shirou, perhaps as much as he needs her. When he describes her as the kind of person who always gets back up and gets even with her enemies, that’s what gives her the motivation to do precisely that.

To her, Shirou is a strange and intriguing person, capable of sticking with tasks that he knows are impossible. She admires that quality, and we notice her developing it herself throughout UBW as she follows Shirou’s example to continue fighting as a Master despite losing her Servant.

Rin and Shirou end up having significant mutual influence on each other, without changing the core of who they are as characters. Nowhere is this better demonstrated than the end of UBW, where they are faced by simultaneous dilemmas. Rin chooses to try and save Shinji from the Grail, despite knowing her chances of success are very low, while Shirou chooses to stand his ground and not fling himself into the abyss with Gil.

In this way, Rin displays in part Shirou’s self-sacrificing nature and pursuit of impossible odds, while Shirou must avoid throwing his life away at the first opportunity and choose to live for the sake of potentially reuniting with Rin and his other family.

Archer is the one that bails them out in the end, the best and worst of them both.

Shirou and Rin’s dynamic is an interplay between selflessness and selfishness. They leave a drop of each in the other like Yin and Yang, the twin swords Kanshou and Bakuya.

You could argue that they balance each other out the best of all three pairs.

And finally, some brief commentary on Sakura. She’s put first in this stupid meme, treated as the most obvious and easy to understand of the heroines, ascribed the least agency with regards her relationship with Shirou. She was broken, and then he fixed her. The end.

The thing is, this interpretation isn’t entirely wrong. Sakura is a very passive character (we see what it looks like when she finally takes action in HF. It isn’t pretty and she knows this.)

Shirou is driven by Sakura, his actions all revolve around protecting Sakura, but what does Sakura herself actually do?

I would posit that this is a coward’s question. Sakura doesn’t need to do any more than she already does in order to spur Shirou to protect her. Heaven’s Feel is about Shirou realising what Sakura has already been doing for him, what Sakura already means to him, the implications of what Sakura has been dealing with this whole time. We’ve had two whole routes to get used to her and now the rug’s come from under us!

I think you can critique Sakura’s lack of agency in her own route, but what I want to point out is that she nonetheless has the greatest impact on Shirou of any of the heroines.

Because, and this is really the worst oversight in that whole meme, Shirou gets fixed in HF far more substantially than the prior two routes. Gaining self-worth through saving others, remember? FSN is a cumulative experience, we learn more about Emiya Shirou with each route, and this is the one that we learn his ideal has been a lot simpler than he thought this whole time. He simply wants to protect the people close to him.

His love for Sakura and, importantly, her love for him, is what gives him the desire to live. He realises that his life has value because she cares about him, and if he wants to save her, he needs to save himself too.

Fate/Stay Night is the story of Shirou, a sword, learning to become a human. You could argue that Sakura helps him accomplish this the best out of all three pairs.

Now, considering Illya’s role in this . . . will have to wait for another time. Augh. You just wait, I've been laying the groundwork here.

#fate/stay night #emiya shirou #fsn analysis

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whatnor · 1 month

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on any day i am stuck with excessive thoughts of sam and dean rotting in one grave for eternity. what's this headstone with no name on it? oh, nobody knows exactly who and when placed it here. they tell the story of a man digging up the earth on this very spot to bury his poor bride and finding two corpses, arms and legs entwined, holding each other. lovers' grave. so as it goes, this fella left them in peace. back then there was a lot of talk about how they actually weren't lovers buried together, but two brothers. hunters of some sort. outlaws. appeared out of thin air. real young and burned away so fast. a dangerous and unsettling, eerie pair. the kind you couldn't forget even if you wanted to, that's how they were. i doubt if anybody remembers their names, but you could still ask the old folk after them, they loved tales like that back in the time. so did someone wisely put two and two together or do people just love the gossip the juicier the better? what should you believe? if you ask me, the answer's right there beneath our feet. only dead men don't talk is all.

#samdean #wincest

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frociaggine · 2 months

Note

Whats your opinion on Twilight shipping, because me and my sister have been team Carlisle ever since seeing that deleted New Moon scene where he gives Bella stitches

Bella / Carlisle is THE superior Bella ship. While Edward pines for the pure virginal image of who he thinks Bella is, she should in fact fuck Edward's vamp daddy. It's even juicier if you consider that Edward lowkey has a crush on Carlisle also, and tbh Bella's dad seems to like him too. And Aro... Carlisle really is THAT girl.

#Anonymous #ask #twilight

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strawhbrrries · 11 months

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Babys Breath, v

pairing: bob floyd x seresin!florist!reader

summary: Bob stumbles into the nearest florist to the funeral he’s attending and, unknowingly, charms Jake Seresin’s sweet younger sister with all the anxious charm he possesses.

warnings: everyone calls reader “sunshine”, fluff!!!, protective older brother jake??, horrible descriptions of the navy, warnings will differ depending on chapter, no use of y/n or description of reader, not proofread

word count: 1441 words

authors note: because i love you guys, you get it a day early!! a bit juicier this time!! how do we think the rest of jake's reaction is gonna go? bob + sunshine forever and ever!! as always, please enjoy!! mwah!!

tag list: @myownworstenemyyy @kloofspeaks @bcon24 @chaosofmanyfandoms @strangerparks @kmc1989

find the masterlist here!

read the previous part here! read the next part here!

“You don’t believe me? And why the fuck not?” You held the phone between your ear and your shoulder, trying to close up the shop and interrogate your brother at the same time.

“You’ve given me no reason to trust you, Sunny. I told you not to text him.” Jake responded, voice laced with annoyance. You were sure if you could see him his eyes were halfway in the back of his skull and a hand was on his hip in that sassy pose he did.

“Oh my god, Jake. Am I not a fucking adult? Even if I did text him, which I fucking didn’t, why does it matter? He’s not Javy or Rooster who just want to fuck me and add another notch to their belt.” You snapped, scrunching your face in annoyance. The over-protectiveness he was exhibiting was eating at you, your nerves were hanging on by a thread.

“It doesn’t matter, I told you not to do something. It shouldn’t take all of your self control not to go against me. I’ll see you at home. Goodbye.”

With that he hung up, the tears of frustration welling in your eyes at his words. The universe just wanted you to fail, how could you not respond to the text? Just last week the sweetest man found his way into your shop and now you’re supposed to simply act like he didn’t exist?

hey bobby, I know this is a long shot but i need some saving

can we go get something to eat?

You locked the door to the shop and looked at your phone one more time before frowning and putting it away. The last place you wanted to be was your house, the argument with Jake would just escalate and you weren’t ready for that. Not right now at least. You’d find solace in the one place you shouldn’t. With Bob. You sat on the steps in front of the building, waiting for a response before deciding if you should just go home and face the Seresin wrath.

Every time your phone went off you hoped it was Bob and it never was. You figured he was busy, probably had other plans and didn’t want to hang out with you.

“Is anyone sitting next to you?” The voice caused you to look up and locate where it was coming from, a smile spreading across your face when you saw who it was.

“Hi Bobby.” You pat the spot next to you, ushering him to sit on the steps next to you.

“I was around the corner, figured you’d rather see me in person than a text.” He spoke softly, pushing his glasses up a bit and looking at you as he sat down.

“I appreciate it, I was waiting for a text. Can’t lie, I was a bit disappointed to not get one.” You chuckled, laying your head on his shoulder and breathing in. He smelled so good, especially after having worked all day.

“I hope you’re not still disappointed.” He teased, poking your side and laying his head on top of yours. He wasn’t going to pry and see what was bothering you but he couldn’t lie and say he wasn’t relieved that you came to him first about it. “I’m sorry you had a shit day, where do you wanna eat?”

“I don’t care, just not the hard deck.” You responded, closing your eyes and enjoying the softness of the moment.

“I know a spot, c’mon.” He stood up and offered you his hand, intertwining your fingers and leading you to his car.

He drove to a small diner on the outskirts of the town, intentionally so you didn’t have a chance to run into your brother. He assumed the bad day was because of your brother, and that was why you asked not to go to the nearest bar with some damn good food. The place was small and obviously family run, Bob had been here a few times before and would highly recommend it to anyone.

The two of you got a small booth in the back corner, away from the commotion of the rest of the diner. It felt more personal this way. A sweet older woman was your server, she acted like she’d known the two of you your whole lives. Once your food came she left the two of you alone, letting you talk and joke around.

“Phoenix paid me a visit earlier.” You stated, putting a fry in your mouth while he connected the dots.

“Oh my god, that’s where she went earlier. Sorry for that, I’m going to assume she came on pretty strong.” He apologized and it wasn’t even his fault, taking a bite of the food in front of him.

“Yeah, she kinda scared me a bit at first. She gave me her number though, soon I’ll have all of dagger squad.” You joked, covering your mouth as you giggled

“You know the dagger squad?” He tilted his head to the side, furrowing his brows as he tried to figure out where you would know that from unless your brother actually was in it or Phoenix told you.

“Uh, yeah. So, if I tell you this. I need you to swear you won’t speak to him about us, or anything hinting towards me.” You put your pinky finger out, the ultimate swear.

“Okay?” He hesitantly shook pinkies with you, becoming even more confused than before.

“Jake, or Hangman as you would know him, is my brother.” You let go of his pinky and took a sip of your drink while he processed the information, he rubbed his forehead as he thought about it.

“I guess I’m just confused why you kept it from me? I won’t say anything to him, I promise, I’m just confused?”

“I get a lot of navy men at the shop and I always ask Jake about them, just curiosity I guess. You were the one man he basically swore me off of, told me I couldn’t text you back and we got into a huge argument about it.” You explained, picking at the skin around your nails anxiously. This could go horribly and blow up in your face or he could be completely understanding about it.

“Sounds exactly like him, I should’ve known the second you said he was an asshole. Hangman is the only asshole I really work with, makes everything so much harder. So he doesn’t know?” Bob asked, fiddling with the food on his plate.

“I’m not even sure anymore, he texted me earlier that you had a girlfriend. Which, I didn’t know we had taken that step.” You teased, winking playfully. “But then he said he didn’t believe me when I said I hadn’t texted you back. Which, yet again blew up into a huge argument-”

“Which is why you called me.” He finished your sentence, shaking his head in understanding. “Phoenix started it!”

“I’m sorry for bringing you into this, Bobby.” You chewed at your bottom lip, frustrated that you brought him into the middle of this because you liked him too much.

He assured you it wasn’t just your fault, it was equally his fault too and he made sure you knew that. For the rest of the meal you explained how the initial argument with Jake went down and how you ultimately decided to say fuck it and do it anyway. Bob was appreciative of that fact and understood why you kept it all a secret. He even promised to continue keeping it a secret from your brother for as long as you wanted, even pinky swearing on it.

“We should probably get going.” You groaned, stacking the dishes from your food and paying the bill as a thanks for him saving you. Although, you both argued over it for a good few minutes.

The ride back to your car was filled with lots of laughs, you told him a ton of stories about your childhood with Jake. How you were constantly telling others he was your real brother and how you got your nickname. He called it an honorary callsign, you giggled and said you’d never call it that. He praised you for being able to live with Jake and dealing with him all the time. You walked hand in hand with him to your car, stopping in your tracks when you see the person leaning against it.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Jake exclaimed, pinching the bridge of his nose and doing a double take at the two of you holding hands. “Are you sure you didn’t text him back, Sunshine?”

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katuschka · 2 months

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A Rollercoaster Ride with Tom&Jerry

Josh Kiszka x male OC (1st person narrative) 8.014 words

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, intended for adult readers. Any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental. Also, if you're under 18, go find some other entertainment elsewhere. Warnings: intense and confusing emotions; swear words; both verbal and physical fights; oral sex; anal sex (surprise, surprise, it's about two guys); toys; choking&gagging&some spanking; BDSM; ...so you see, it's not for everyone. This is basically a story about finding and re-establishing mutual trust. It involves conflict. Where there is a flame, someone's bound to get burned. So if you have any doubts that you're gonna be able to handle it, proceed with caution. Big thanks goes to: 1. @edgingthedarkness for making an illustrative short video (you're gonna find it inside the story below) that should make the whole experience even juicier! 2. all my beta-readers and cheerleaders, especially @writingcold, @edgingthedarkness, @its-interesting-van-kleep and @thewritingbeforesunrise. Cheers, guys.

I've got some things to say 'Cause there's a lot that you don't know It's written on my face It's gonna be hard to swallow (P!nk)

“You’re awfully quiet tonight. What’s going on?”

I sighed. Yeah, no shit. There was actually so much I wanted to say to him ever since the show ended, I just couldn’t figure out how to do that without sounding like a jealous little girl. My mind was absolutely racing and when that happens, the connection between my brain and my mouth just gets cut off completely. It’s a serious condition, really. Commonly known as “sulking.”

I often accompany him on tour, but I try to avoid live shows. I have my reasons. Hundreds of them. I agreed to be there for the last few concerts, which I now deeply regretted.

It had been a really busy and eventful week; me, myself and I getting increasingly irritated – by everything, but mostly him – as the days went by, and tonight’s events felt like the last straw. Part of me wanted to be finally alone with him, and another part just wanted to be alone. So, as a result, I just tried to avoid him. I had kept to myself while watching him down his beer as the band enjoyed their aftershow high back in the green room. No one else seemed to pay attention to me, and for that I was glad. Now we were sitting in a car on our way back to the hotel room, and the confrontation that I’d tried to avoid seemed inevitable.

As much as I pretended to be interested in the night scenery behind the window, it was impossible to ignore him any longer. Sadly, it was equally impossible to pretend that everything was ok and the idea that we could resolve it soon seemed pretty absurd. He was still in his stage outfit, bare chest in full display, absentmindedly scratching the skin right below his left nipple. Much to my dismay, he smelled divine, too. Warm and musky from the exertion, still with a faint hint of vanilla and cedar. AND he was obviously completely clueless.

“You know Josh, you make it really hard sometimes...”

Well, shit. I realized what I just did even before I finished the sentence. The instant smirk on his face told me that it was a really bad word choice and I regretted it immediately. I really wished that he would take it seriously this time. But he was still exhilarated and unnaturally restless, even to his standards. He literally couldn’t sit still, fidgeting in his seat, rapping his knuckles on a windowsill, giggling at nothing in particular…and I’d swear I even heard a moan when the car accidentally hit a curb. If I didn’t know him, I would say that he was high, but I knew he would never do that while performing.

“Yeah, I often do, don’t I darling.” He turned to me and pouted playfully, his chin resting on his fist. “...but you’re never quiet when that happens, so why don’t you tell me what’s bugging you.” He was looking at me now, the lower lip between his teeth again, eyelids half closed. Cheeky bastard.

What I really meant was – and he just proved my point again, by the way – that it was hard to keep the conversation serious when he was like that. And he was like that most of the fucking time. Everyone loved him for it, and that was the problem, because he just didn’t hesitate to love them all back. Not only was this his nature, but what is more, he was required to do that. A people pleaser, an entertainer…I was no longer pleased, nor entertained, though.

I knew what I signed up for when we started seeing each other. Granted, I didn’t know who he was – or what he was – when we first met in that rally more than three years ago. He was just a beautiful boy with the eyes of a winking doll and a golden halo bouncing around his head. In a crowd of other nameless, faceless and anonymous people, he exuded blinding light. Am I too sentimental? If you were there, you’d surely understand. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. After staring at him for at least fifteen minutes, I dared to lift my camera up to take a picture just as the wind blew a few disheveled locks into his face. He immediately noticed. His brows furrowed and his eyes squinted at me, but they were warm and I could tell he was smiling behind his mask, even though apprehensively.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” “Why did you do that?” If I had thought that it couldn’t get any worse, I was sorely mistaken. The sultry voice that came from behind that black piece of cloth didn’t match his overall appearance. It made my dick twitch though, and I had to hear it again, so I decided to come clear about it, because he was already turning away again, not really interested in my answer. As if having his pictures taken was something that happened everyday. Yeah, as if. But…

Believe it or not, I just told him I thought he was beautiful. Right there on that street. I don’t normally do shit like that. To this day, I still don’t understand what got into me. It was blunt and impudent and no doubt a bit weird, and I expected him to tell me to fuck off.

But instead, he blushed. “Well, you’re not so bad yourself.”

I wasn’t sure if it was genuine or if he was just playing along. Or even mocking me. But I had to seize the opportunity by the hair. “I’m Tom.” What else to say, right?

“Josh.”

That’s it. That’s how Tom met Josh. We talked a lot that day. He was cute and funny and I just couldn’t get enough of that voice, which is never a good sign. You shouldn’t let yourself get addicted to people. It’s dangerous and he was very addictive. Later that day, when we left the crowd behind and he put the mask down to reveal his full, rosy lips, I should have run. But I didn’t. I let him use those lips to chain me to him just as they enveloped my dick.

Since then, there was not one single day when I wouldn’t think about that mouth. It only got worse when that sleepy pout became the first thing I saw almost every time I opened my eyes in the morning during that summer. Our relationship started as a strictly sexual one, not because we wanted it that way, but simply because arousal and excitement came first, and there was nothing else to do. We skipped dating and dived head first in the sheets. The world had slowed down, the future looked hazy, and we were just bored. OK, I admit, I was bored. His life wasn’t boring at all. Not even then. I got sucked into it pretty soon (pun absolutely intended). He made me fall for him before we even realized what was happening, and it was brutally intense. And it was also mutual.

I soon learned what it really meant to be part of that world. Our secret summer of love ended and reality hit. I went completely offline, partly because I was not interested in being hunted down by hysterical chicks, but mostly because he didn’t want them to know. You know what I mean. I didn’t really care that much myself, but I also understood.

If you’re into traveling, and if you ever followed @tomontheroad on Instagram and wondered why it just vanished one day, wonder no more. Yes, it was me. You probably didn’t even notice though, because in late 2020, it had already been dead for months anyway.

That’s just how it was. To keep the life we shared safe, I became an invisible nobody, which made it almost impossible for me to do my job, but I somehow managed. Meanwhile, he was there in the spotlight, adored by thousands, making their pussies and dreams wet. I was never to be seen. I agreed to all that, gladly, even though it was gradually getting worse. They started touring again, and that was when I saw his full potential, wrapped in velvet. He was their Pied Piper, playing his flute just as he played his vocals. I still didn’t mind. It was all worth it. I thought it was, at least. As soon as we closed the doors behind us, a brand new universe opened before me. Behind the closed doors, I was a traveler again, a tireless explorer. Every inch and every curve of his body was a land full of miracles and pleasures. A wondrous landscape. Every valley, a new home for me. Every peak, a place that revealed brand new horizons. Who needed tropical white sands when his warm skin was the perfect place to lay your head, the sound of his heart more calming than the humming of sea waves. I simply loved him.

I learned to live with the fact that I had a boyfriend that hundreds of people wanted to fuck, but it was me who actually did. They were mere voyeurs, standing outside the shopping window, ogling hungrily all the delicious desserts on display, which only I had the privilege to taste. I kept telling myself that I was the lucky one.

And you know what? That’s complete and utter bullshit. I keep doing this to myself. Lying to myself. I hadn’t learned to live with it at all. Granted, we had these conversations before, and all of them ended with me telling him it was fine. Everything was fine. I spent nearly two fucking years trying to convince myself that I was completely ok with all of this and just this evening I realized how much it was really bothering me.

Today he crossed the fucking line. The feeling that lurked somewhere in the back of my mind now reared its ugly head and I felt like I reached my limits.

I said I was there for the show. I actually never really get to see it, because I myself can’t be seen. It had been months since I last watched their concert and this past week I just waited for him in the green room. But tonight he insisted that I be there. I finally agreed, even though it really meant just lurking by the side, under the stage level with the staff, watching what was going on onstage on the monitor with Steve who’s in charge of big screens.

The camera loved him. And he loved it back, losing himself in the moment as he got high on the music they made. The audience was losing it too, screaming in frenzy because he made them feral. It all looked just like one big orgy. I had seen it many times before, that’s why I didn’t really want to be there, but I still couldn’t get my eyes off that screen. I was very familiar with all those faces he made. I had heard those moans before, I had watched him arch his back just like that before, the way he bit his lip, how his brows furrowed… I could tell he got bolder with it over time. I was mesmerized, but there was one big problem. The whole arena was watching this with me now, equally enchanted, but he was interacting with them and I felt unwelcome. I had seen some pictures, watched two or three shorts, but nothing could prepare me for this.

He ran down the stage a few times that evening, waved at me the first time, blew me a kiss a moment later, but as the evening progressed, I suddenly felt like losing him. It was an unwelcome surge of panic and just when I thought I got it under control, he ran past me and the next thing I saw on the screen was him right at the barricade, letting himself be hugged and groped by all those random people. I had enough. I couldn’t breathe. I excused myself and ran to the green room to pour myself a generous amount of whiskey.

Fast forward back to where we were, in the car on our way back to the hotel. “Not here,” I retorted. “Later.” The rest of the ride was tense. He kept looking sideways at me, I kept being extremely absorbed in examining the hem of my shirt. As soon as the door of our shared apartment closed behind us, he confronted me.

“So, we’re here. Care to explain why you’ve been behaving like such an insufferable bitch tonight?”

“Oh that’s rich, Joshua. By all means feel free to make it aaaall about my behavior again. Nothing wrong with you acting like an insolent and inconsiderate slut!”

“Inconsiderate…” He looked as if I just punched him.

“Yes!” I hissed, “inconsiderate! You know, it’s funny how you find this worth reacting…but not the fact that I just called you a slut.”

He just laughed and shook his head in disbelief as he headed straight to the minibar to pour himself a drink. “Well,” he trilled, “you didn’t shake the bitch allegations either, my love. At least I’m fun to be around.”

I just huffed and went towards the balcony to open the glass door. I really needed some fresh air. “Yeah, I’m not amused. But you don’t seem to mind. You were having a really good time there, with their hideous, overlong nails scratching your tits. Or when you were moaning into the microphone, almost pretending that you were fucking them all.” With that, I collapsed on the couch.

“So what do you want me to do to amuse you? You want me to fuck you? Let’s fuck in earnest, no pretending. Will that make it better? Do you want me to show you what and who I’m REALLY thinking about when their nails scratch my skin?”

“No Josh, you fucking me wouldn’t really sort out anything I’m afraid, because right now I feel like you’re fucking with me all the fucking time. I want to claim you, because I love the way you’re looking at me when I’m deep inside you and when you have to bite your lower lip just to stop it from quivering, you know. Not only because I really, really love that sight, but also because only then I feel like I’m the only person on your radar. And that’s what I need now.”

He watched me avidly, with his head slightly tilted and his expression almost unreadable, except for the obvious arousal that was silently flowing through his whole body, and I swear you could see it glimmering behind his pupils. I definitely could see it in his tight pants. I would lie if I said that I wasn’t aroused. Truth be told, I needed to fuck him, badly. We could continue bitching about each other’s behavior later. For now, angry fuck would do…

He put his glass down and slowly took off his sun jacket, all without breaking eye contact. It was like watching him in slow motion, when he palmed his hardening dick through the white satin, squeezed it briefly and then stroked it gently a few times. He loved this. He was a born entertainer, always ready to please the audience. I couldn’t help but admire the fact that he knew exactly what he was doing. I was his audience now, and I had to admit to myself that this was a completely different show.

“Ok, that’s convenient, because I’d really love you to finish what I started.”

I had no clue what he was talking about and watched him – flabbergasted – as he turned around, pulled his pants down and bent over to unfasten the cuffs around his ankles. That’s when I saw it. A little sparkly gem between his buttcheeks. I recognised the tiny steel buttplug with a faceted stone immediately, even though we hadn’t used it much. I gave it to him for Christmas, and later he joked that it really fit the Starcatcher aesthetics, so maybe he should wear it with the rest of his jewelry, but I didn’t really expect him to actually do it!

“Josh…did you have it in for the whole show?” I tried to keep it cool, but the words only came out as a breathy whisper. He only chuckled and stretched like a cat to relieve his stiff muscles. He was still acting, completely naked now, exaggerating every move just to torture me.

“No, darling. I wanted to, but they would have seen it under the jumpsuit. It’s quite tight, isn’t it. No, I put it in for es-tee-tee. Colors, gems and trim, darling. Now, let’s take a shower first. And close your mouth, or else I’ll fill it.” And with that he strutted into the bathroom without even waiting for me, shaking that tiny bejeweled ass just for the show. He knew that I would follow. He already had me in his grasp, metaphorically speaking.

We often showered together. That was our personal habit, both at home or when I accompanied him on his travels. It was always our sweet moment of seclusion in his otherwise busy schedule. Very intimate, but not always blatantly sexual. Of course, sometimes it WAS blatantly sexual, but oftentimes we just talked a lot, kissed a lot, washed each other’s hair, just took care of each other. Just tracing my fingers down his spine was enough to help me forget about the gloomy world beyond our walls. Not to mention being inside his walls, but I digress…

I took my time. I couldn’t give him the satisfaction of following him like a pet dog, so I stripped slowly, took a few more sips of my drink and walked indolently into the bathroom. Just for the show. I expected him to wait for me by the counter, but he didn’t. He was already in the shower, steam already filling the room. I slid the glass door open and started. He was standing there, right under the stream, facing the door, his eyes boring into me. He was quite a sight, too. Not having bothered with the stage makeup, the streaks of smudged eyeliner were now running down his cheeks, over the remaining rhinestones. Wet hair already flattened and pulled back. This was intentional. He was still provoking me.

We just observed each other warily before he broke the silence and asked me nonchalantly if I could just wash his back. I gestured to him to turn around and did as he asked. I poured the vanilla-scented body wash in my hands and soaped his body with it, just like I always did. And just like he always did, he started talking about the events of the day. Some tiktok video they filmed after the soundcheck that I didn’t care about.

His tone was completely casual, in spite of the fact that I held his balls firmly in my hand, gently massaging them with my soap-covered hand. I let my other hand travel slowly down his left buttcheek towards that little surprise he had there for me previously.

“So tell me, Josh. Why this?”

I watched him smile at the question. His previous restlessness suddenly made perfect sense. The whole time I was sulking and worrying about us, about his behavior and his intentions, he was just getting himself off. I took the bejeweled plug in my fingers and twisted it gently. He arched his back and moaned softly. I just loved listening to him. His lovely mouth could elicit the most delicious high-pitched whimpers. So I did it again. This time, his head landed on my shoulder, exposing his neck to me. I let my nose brush against my favorite place right under his earlobe. This was dangerous territory. Everytime I let myself wander through the smooth valleys of his lithe body, I was close to losing my mind, and he knew it. He was narcotic. Normally, it just meant that earth-shattering sex would follow, but I needed to stay focused, because I had to resolve this first: “Fucking tell me, Josh,” I hissed.

“I…I like to keep myself perked up, my love. I can’t go onstage…oh, yes, thee-e-e-ere…I can’t go onstage drunk, or high…dammit…that would, aaah would be unprofessional, yeah?” He chuckled. “So I just keep myself turned-on instead. It’s good for the show.”

“For the show, eh? You’re a liar.”

“No…no-ah, I’m not lying, dear. I keep myself turned on…and when I feel the rhythm in my bones and when I let the… the melody soar through my veins, I imagine your dick inside me. Or your fingers. Aaaall because they lo-oooh-love seeing me like that. So you see, it’s good for the show. They can feel it. Our love. Just…genuine…love. The feeling is omnipresent…and I want to share it.”

The insolence! “You see Josh, that’s the problem,” I whispered while my teeth grazed his jugular, “I don’t want to share it.”

With that, he turned around and kissed me gently, letting the tip of his tongue just brush against mine. With his left hand stroking the nape of my neck, his right palm slowly wandered down my torso, fingertips lightly grazing my left nipple, and further down, until he had me in his grasp, now literally speaking. I fell under his spell again, utterly and completely, and I no longer wanted to fight it. I had to remind myself that tonight was supposed to be my night, that I was supposed to be in control, but I was slowly losing it anyway. He sensed it, and generously put me back on track, while still jerking me off.

“Honey, this is us. This is just us. I share the miracle, you see? That’s my job. But you don’t share me with anyone. You own me!”

Oh yeah, that worked. His words felt like a detonator. Perhaps more than he had intended them to. I’m sure they were partly meant to soothe me, but something really snapped in me and all those pent-up emotions suddenly begged to be released. I lost all my remaining mental clarity and acted upon it without really thinking. I pushed him against the wall and firmly wrapped my hand around his throat. His head hit the tiles with a dull thud and even though my own actions took me by surprise and I saw a brief flicker of panic in his eyes, I couldn’t stop. I kept him pinned to the wall with my thigh pushing his legs apart. He belonged to me, and I needed him to understand it.

I’m not the world’s strongest man, but I’m bigger than him. Three inches taller, and I could overpower him without much difficulty. That’s why I had always been rather gentle with him, even though he’s a hotheaded bastard and always fights back like a mad chihuahua. Not this time. He just watched me with those doe-like eyes and his mouth slightly ajar, while his hands just rested on my chest. I barely felt the touch. He was a meek lamb, a rag doll, but his face told me a different story. I could see his previously bewildered expression transform into a defiant one. He tilted his chin up, nostrils flared. He was daring me, breathing heavily and waiting for my next move.

“Damn right I do! Fuck, you’re mine,” I growled and tightened my grip on his neck, while my other hand kneaded his left buttock.

He whimpered and I recognized the sound. I’d heard it many times before. Everytime I pounded into him with feral force, when I pulled his hair, or when I smacked his ass, because that was the only part of his body I ever dared to leave a mark on.

“You like this, you little fucker.”

He closed his eyes, breathing raggedly through his nose. I could feel his semi spring up and twitch against my thigh. I could tell just by his fingertips now clawing at my chest that he really did. But I needed to hear it.

“Answer me!”

“Yeah,” he finally breathed out and our eyes met again.

We were both very sensual people, but never overly violent with each other. It’s not that the idea never crossed my mind, because I really like rough fuck. Sue me. I’d had my fair share of “tough love” during the time spent with my previous lovers. Truth be told, he was often pushing my buttons, and it took all my willpower not to act. All smiles and sunshine on the outside, he could be an insufferable brat sometimes. I just always had to remind myself that I couldn’t leave a mark, even though his own nails frequently branded me with scratches. But that was it. It was part of the deal. I treated him like my pampered darling, even at times when I just had to shut him up with a gag… some occassional BD sans SM, that’s how we rolled. It just occurred to me that treating him like that might have been a mistake. I just had to make sure that he was really agreeing to this.

I let go of his neck and let my fingers travel up his jaw and into his wet hair, all without breaking eye contact. We were watching each other intently, trying to communicate without words, searching for clues. I cradled his head in my hands, my fingers massaging the back of his head. He leaned into the touch and closed his eyes.

“Does it hurt?”

He shook his head silently. I placed a trail of short kisses up his neck until I reached his earlobe and nibbled on it gently. I felt him pull me closer to him as he pressed his fingertips convulsively into the flesh on my hips until it almost hurt.

“Are you ok?” I whispered in his ear. He nodded and rubbed his nose against my cheek. A brief moment of tenderness was exactly what we both needed to reassess our position. Now it was the time to remind him of his role…

“Fine, on your knees!” I pushed him down, perhaps with not enough force, because it did not wipe that defiant look off his face, but I was well aware of the fact that he also still had that thing deep inside him. I was pumped, but not reckless. He was now kneeling right under the shower stream, small rivulets of water running down his face as he looked up at me, blinking. I had to take a deep breath not to cum just from the sight.

“Open your mouth.”

…and he didn’t. Because he knew. That dastardly sneer of his is going to be the end of me one day, but I usually tolerate it. Not only because it’s hot as fuck, but also because it tells me he knows what I need. Or better yet, what he makes me need…and crave. I certainly hadn’t known that I needed my head to be treated like a lollypop until he taught me it was what I craved. Parting his lips ever so slightly, it just rested on them until he darted his tongue out into the slit, savoring every little drop of my precum. He had this habit of looking up at me when he was doing this, because he knew it was driving me crazy.

So that’s what he was doing. Licking at my glans, watching me, daringly. I wasn’t having it. Enough of this game. I grabbed his head and buried my cock in the back of his throat. He gagged on it violently, darting his head backwards. I was still holding his head in both of my hands, though, and pushed him back, fucking his mouth in ferocious speed until he tapped on my thigh. Only then I released my grasp, watching him gasp for air. He looked up at me again, and whispered: “More.��

And more he got. Oh god, that was so sexy, him literally begging me to choke him with my dick. I adjusted my pace, sliding in and out of those full, swollen lips. Grabbing my butt with both his hands, he urged me to go deeper, to fill him up, to obstruct his airway passage again. He tried to relax, letting my cock glide smoothly on his velvet tongue. I was getting close, dangerously close, but I wasn’t done with him yet. His mouth was perfect, but I needed more.

Before I stopped, I grabbed him by the nape of his neck, pushed him down my shaft and held him there for a while, until I felt his throat contract and his body convulsed. Another gag, another gasp. I let go and tilted his chin up lightly with my index finger. The running water quickly washed away the thick strings of saliva and the tears, but he still looked a mess, exhausted and tamed. He was also very hard, his eyes not the only thing looking at me. He loved this. A wave of tenderness washed over me again. Damn, it was always like this with him. A real rollercoaster of feelings.

“Come here, my filthy princess.”

I grabbed him by the arms, pushed him up on his feet again and pulled him into a tight embrace. I felt his chest rise and fall against mine, deep breaths interspersed with intermittent, barely audible chuckles.

“What’s so funny?”

“Not funny, just…exhilarating.”

My good boy. He deserved a reward. I bowed down and ran a few circles around his hardened nipple with the tip of my tongue, because he loved that. You might think I’m too soft, but this is what makes the experience really intense. I was still pissed, and full of adrenaline, but it was all because I loved him so much, and I needed him to feel it all. I ran my fingers down his spine, scratching his skin with my nails, perhaps more than necessary. But it was necessary. With the actual words still stuck in my throat, the touch was my language now. He looked at me again with a sweet smile, the tip of his tongue grazing his upper lip.

“So…now that it’s settled and I promise to be good, are you going to do that thing, darling?”

“That thing” meant me sucking his dick with my fingers knuckles deep in his ass. “Yeah, baby, you’ve earned it,” I stroked his cheek with my right hand while the left one traveled down right between his asscheeks...”let’s pull this out, then?” He nodded and turned around, resting his elbows against the tiles. It was my turn to get down on my knees. Yeah, I hear you, not very dominant of me, but you need to understand that this man has got the most fabulous ass I’ve ever seen, and I swear I’m gonna kiss and bite and spread and lick it any time I get the opportunity to do so.

I put some shower gel on my fingers and circled them around the plug. “Try to relax.”

“I know,” he spat impatiently through his teeth. That earned him a smack on his right buttock. Brat. I pulled the plug out gently, eliciting a long, breathy and relieved moan from him. I massaged the opening a bit, washing the rest of the soap out, before I grabbed him with both hands to spread him a bit more for me. What a glorious view. I buried my face in it and darted my tongue out.

“Oh god,” he breathed out as I licked into him.

The flowing water was starting to get on my nerves so I turned it off before I turned him around to face me. It was now my turn to taste his leaking tip. A few swift cat licks made him clutch at my shoulders tight and he almost lost his balance when I swallowed him whole. I reached behind him and gently pushed my middle finger inside him while my head bobbed up and down his dick. I pushed my finger deeper, curled it towards me and set a steady rhythm of my movements.

His breath suddenly quickened and I could feel him pulsate on my tongue. It was a matter of mere seconds. No. I stopped, retreated abruptly and stood up. His eyes nearly popped out of his skull and he was gaping at me in disbelief. I just smiled at him maliciously. He thought he could play with me, so let’s make this a shared experience.

“What the hell?!?” My plan worked perfectly. He practically shouted it at me. He was furious. Cute.

“I haven’t come yet, so what on earth made you think that I would let YOU, “ I smirked.

“Fuck you!” he pushed me aside forcefully and stormed out of the shower, heading back into the bedroom. Dripping wet, he slipped on the floor and almost fell, which gave me more time to react.

I ran after him. “Hey, where the fuck are yo…ouch!” The fucker slammed the bathroom door right in my face. I threw it open again with force, triyng to catch him. He was just by the bed when I reached out for his hair and yanked him back, making his back collide with my chest. “Ouch, that hurt, you bastard!” he yelled as he tried to break free from my grasp, squirming, but he stood no chance.

“Do you want me to stop?” I hissed in his ear.

“No…” Good. I pushed him face down on the bed, grabbed his wrists and held them firmly behind his back. I needed him to stay that way, so I searched the ground for something I could use. My eyes spotted a bathrobe that I tossed over the armchair earlier that day. Perfect. “Don’t move!” I got off him for a while to get what I needed. He looked over his shoulder, watching me as I pulled the belt out of the loops. He didn’t move, lying face down by the edge of the bed, ass up. My obedient baby.

I grabbed his wrists again and showed him the belt, making it obvious what I was going to do. “You ok with this?”

“Yeah, go ahead.”

I nodded, tied his wrists behind his back and went searching for the lube. “I’m going to fuck you now, and I’m not going to be gentle about it. If it becomes too much, or you just want me to stop, just say stop. Do you understand?

“Yes.”

“Fine. Oh, here it is.” I squeezed a generous amount of the lube on my fingers and put two of them to his asshole, rubbing it in circles before I pushed them in slowly. He was already almost ready from before, but I needed him to relax a bit more. “Now listen, I will let you cum this time. No monkey business. But I want the same from you. If you wanna cum, you’re going to behave. You’re going to beg for it. Understand?” I added a third finger and he whimpered and bit his lip, huffing. I was getting impatient. “Do-you-under-stand!?”

“Yeah,” he breathed out, “yes, I understand. Fuck me please. I’ll behave.”

I withdrew, slapped his butt, rubbed the remaining lube all over my cock, positioned myself and… pushed in. I had to focus all of my self-control on not pushing all the way in. He was so tight and warm and inviting, and I was all worked-up. The whole situation was a bit overwhelming, to be honest, but I just couldn’t get enough of it at the same time. His quick and shallow breaths told me that he felt pretty much the same. After several languid thrusts during which we both somehow managed to regain our composure and I quickened my pace. I grabbed his bound wrists in one hand and held his head down with the other. The room was filled with our synched moans and the slapping sound of our flesh colliding. I couldn’t get enough of him.

I grabbed his ass and slammed into him with full force. He cried out and begged me for more. His profile was absolutely entrancing, eyes squeezed shut and his mouth wide open, his melodic whines in sync with my thrusts. I needed to see more of it, so I unbound his wrists, pulled out and turned him over.

I grabbed his ankles instead and forced his legs up, before I buried myself in him again. My heart was beating wildly. I felt the poisonous cocktail of all the previously suppressed and boiling emotions fill my veins as the pleasure overcame my senses. “Look at me!” He watched me, bewildered, while I rammed into him, sweaty and almost out of breath. Suddenly all I could hear were my own labored grunts, while he just stared at me, wide-eyed and speechless.

“Cat got your tongue, hm? Always so…eloquent…with…them all…but not one…spare word…for your dirty little secret!”

Adrenaline running in my veins, I continued pounding into him and almost missed the sudden shift in his mood and movements.

“Tom…”

It was barely a whisper at first, but soon he became more and more agitated. “Tom…Tom, please. TOM! Hold on…stop…”

His face twisted in clear discomfort and his hands were clawing at my chest. I pulled out carefully. “What happened Josh? Did I hurt you?”

“No…no, m’fine. S’just a bit overwhelming, is all,” he mumbled. “Can you kiss me?”

I let his legs slide down my shoulders, leaned down and softly brushed my lips with his. I was confused, but also desperate to make this better, whatever it was. I stroked his cheek with my thumb and tried to make him look at me, but his eyes scanned the ceiling erratically and he blinked several times as he obviously tried to fight back the tears. But I could see that his eyes were already red. Now it was my turn to start panicking. Was he afraid of me? “Josh! Josh, honey, please, look at me. Are you hurt?” He shook his head and sobbed. Then his eyes finally met mine: “No, I’m alright. It’s just…please, don’t hate me Tom. I can’t stand you hating me. I was just trying to protect you.”

The realization that hit him a minute ago now backfired back to me. And just like that my heart shattered into millions of microscopic pieces. I searched his face for more answers, those big, tearful eyes staring back at me. I stroked his hair tentatively. All the previous tension and anger dissolved and he was my sunshine boy again, but these were mere pale winter beams, and it was my fault, and the realization chilled me to my bones. He was weeping silently under me, obscured by my clouds.

I moved slowly from between his legs and pulled him up into my embrace. He was reluctant at first, but slowly wrapped his arms around me. We just sat there for a while, cradling each other. “I could never…,” I whispered against the damp skin right above his collarbone. “I’m just a terrible, jealous guy.”

“No, I made you jealous. I didn’t mean to, I didn’t realize…”

He couldn’t have. He’s the one who always lets his feelings pour out of him. I’ve always struggled with this. Not that I didn’t want to tell what was bothering me, I just couldn’t translate the whirlwind of my thoughts into coherent sentences. Just tell me what’s wrong, Tom. My previous lovers often lost patience with me. They always thought I didn’t want to talk and then our arguments ended with them giving up on me. Not him. He tried to make me laugh, he tried to make me yell, he tried to seduce me and he let me take all of him. I held him tight. I couldn’t let go. I was on the verge of tears, but it was him who needed comfort. I just hoped that I could give it to him. It was him who finally broke the silence.

“Tom…” It was barely a whisper.

“Yes?”

“I just hope you know I love you.”

I finally loosened the embrace to look at him. My mouth was dry and my throat felt constricted, but I somehow managed to force out at least a weak “I do.” But that wasn’t enough. I knew I needed to say more: “…yes, baby, you’ve been telling me…I’m sorry,” I croaked. He took a deep breath and continued.

“But hearing is not the same as feeling it…and,” he cleared his throat,”...and sometimes I need to feel it too. Sometimes it feels like you’re not even present. In your secret hiding place behind a thick wall and I just can’t get in!”

I buried my face in my hands. I needed a minute to process the evening’s events. “So, you seek it elsewhere?” I regretted those words almost instantly, but at least I finally forced myself to speak.

“What do you mean? God, no!”

“No, not like that. I mean all those people, the plug. You didn’t really expl…”

“I already told you! I wanted to share what we have.”

“By letting them touch you…”

“Cut it already!” He slapped the mattress, furious once again. “Yes, maybe you’re right…to a certain extent,” he spat out at me. “Yes, I let them touch me. I share a lot with people. It’s fulfilling and it feels natural. But it’s a different kind of love. And they understand. They didn’t grab at me, no one tried to pull me in. I share a lot with them but I don’t belong to them. But I agree with you that it's very personal. I thought about doing that for quite a while, but couldn’t find the courage to do so…unless I felt you there with me. I do miss you there. Sometimes I just miss you… anyway, about the plug…I guess today felt like a perfect day to try it. Please just tell me you understand, because I’m getting really sick of this.”

The plug was a gift from me, so yeah, I understood…kind of. Touch is important to him. But... “But why today?”

“Oh Tom,” he was tearful again. “Oh, fuck you. Really. It’s exactly three years since the day you first told me that you loved me.”

I just stared at him for a while, speechless. Then I finally lost it and started crying. “I’m a terrible person.” I felt like shit, I treated him like shit and really deserved to get a taste of my own medicine, in one way or another. But Josh is not like that. He doesn’t do that. And so it was now his turn to hug me, even though I tried to back away at first. But he’s stubborn, too. “You know, Tom, I felt it today. Among other things…”

“Forgive me.”

“Nothing to forgive. I understand.”

“No, you don’t... Listen Josh, I don’t need you to protect me. If anything, it should be the other way round. But I do need to feel like I belong in your life. I…I’m not sure I could continue like this.”

Here, I finally said that. I had been afraid to utter those words aloud, because I knew they were dangerous. I expected another argument to follow, and maybe it would be the last one this time. But he only sighed and I felt him nod lightly against my shoulder. “I guess we need to make some inevitable changes then.”

I knew what he meant, but this was not just about me. And it was not just me who he’d been trying to protect. Himself, too, but also others in a way…

“Are you ready to make those changes?”

“I guess so…”

We looked each other in the eye once more, trying to communicate the rest. At last I stood up and offered him my hand. “Come on, let me fix you a nice, hot bath.”

“No.” He took it but didn’t move. Instead, he tried to pull me back to bed.

“No?” “No Tom, come back here, please. Make love to me.”

He was sooo good at playing with my heartstrings. He really wanted me. He still trusted me. And from the look on his face, he needed me. I climbed back to him, took his face in my hands and kissed it. I traced my parted lips across his cheek and down to his jaw. He was like the oxygen I needed in order to stay alive and I was breathing him in. I continued upwards until our lips finally locked together. It was the first genuine kiss we shared that evening.

How…?

“Spoon me.” As he lay down, I retrieved the previously discarded tube from the floor, lubed my fingers and cock once again and snuggled behind him. I didn’t rush it, and repeated the process once more that evening. I was nothing but tender this time, but he thought otherwise. He took my hand that was stroking his bare chest, placed it on his neck and tilted his head back. “Choke me.”

“Josh, I…you…” “Shhh, just do it. Please.” And I did. I wrapped my fingers around his throat and pulled him firmly back towards me. It wasn’t harsh. He let himself be completely vulnerable with me and I wanted to cherish it. I just rested my hand there, holding him firmly, but not with too much pressure. I could feel his pulse beating against my palm, every intake of breath. This was different than before. A moment of raw intimacy. He arched his back and reached behind to grab the back of my head. He knows I like that. I rewarded him with slow and deep thrusts, just how he loves it. He was moaning melodically to the rhythm, singing a secret song just for me now, and we rocked in tandem slowly, meeting each other halfway. Nothing else was necessary, this was everything.

I took control again soon. Quickening my pace, I thrusted into him with a frantic urge. Goosebumps appeared all over his skin, which told me that he was very close. He always got shivers when he was approaching orgasm while I fucked him. Almost as if he was feverish. “Maddening ecstasy” – those were his words with which he once described it. I could feel him tense and tighten around me and rolled my hips once more to hit that perfect spot. “Oh my ggggnnnh Toooooohmmm….,” he let out a high pitched scream and came hard, his whole body convulsing.

He was literally sobbing. I slowed my movements to a near stop and held his shivering body tight in my arms, waiting for his breathing to slow down. I was just about to pull out when he started moving again against me, urging me to continue, but I grabbed his hip and made him stop. He looked up at me, frowning. “What?” “Are you sure? It’s been a long night…” “No, Tom, don’t worry…come on, go on.”

I moved again tentatively, looking for any clue of his discomfort. He encouraged me again and I gradually resumed my pace. It didn’t take long. With a final groan, I buried my face in his hair, holding his now almost limp and exhausted body pressed to mine while I threshed about in an almost comical way, keeping him swaying in unison with me. We shifted a bit so that he was lying on his belly now, me hovering above him. With the last few erratic thrusts I filled him up and we finally collapsed together into the pillows.

We barely moved for at least another ten minutes, limbs still intertwined, eyes closed and our torsos literally glued together with sweat. Both of us simply wanted to prolong the moment, but I was slowly becoming aware of the world around us. We had left the glass door leading to the balcony open and the evening breeze finally pulled us back to reality.

“Josh?”

“Yeah?”

“I think a few people might have overheard us.” “Uh huh…ok…good.”

“I love you.”

“I know.”

Love sticks, sweat drips Break the lock if it don't fit A kick in the teeth is good for some A kiss with a fist is better than none (Florence and the Machine)

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