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yoongis-moans · 5 years

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Critical Beauty (Shinwon smut)

In which Shinwon is in a battle between self-control and finally admitting he’s in love with his best friend, while teaching her some moves along the way. Warning: Smut, obviously. This fic is not immune to cheesy and fluffy moments. Read at your own risk. Word count: 7,938 "Never have I ever gone to class drunk," Shinwon said. After a few seconds, Yujin's glass rose and the whisky disappeared down her throat. You all looked at her in shock. But were you even really surprised? Of course not. It was Yujin afterall. "What?" she questioned. "Professor Sohn's lectures are boring as hell. I needed something to keep me going." She took another sip. "Okay, I've gone drunk on more than once occasion." She cleared her throat. "Never have I ever had sex with someone whose name I didn't know." But she drank, and so did Shinwon. You couldn't help the look you gave him, nor the hurt in your chest. Shinwon was popular―more so than you by far and even more known out of all the students in your year than Yujin. You knew he'd slept with people. Hell, you sometimes spotted a stray earring or pair of panties on the floor when you all came over for your weekly hangouts, which had recently doubled as finals period grew closer. You always hung out in Shinwon's room because it was a single, and therefore, it was slightly bigger due to the lack of another bed. Sometimes it pained you to sit on his bed when you knew he'd had girls in it in totally different states and for absolutely different reasons than his four closest female friends. But what were you going to do, tell him you wanted to change that? Definitely not. "Y/n" Gaeul said. "It's your turn." "Oh, uh...." you stuttered. For someone with adventurous friends, you were awful at choosing something at least one of them had done. "I've, um....Never have I ever hooked up with a floormate." Yujin and Mina drank while you and Gaeul gaped at Shinwon, then you realized why his answer was a no. "How have you not?" Gaeul asked. "Surely they're throwing themselves at you." Shinwon had been told that he should be a model on more than one occasion, and it wasn’t uncommon to see him surrounded by a crowd of girls. You chuckled along with the others, finding the confused look on Gauel's face priceless. "My floor is mostly dudes. And never have I ever kissed a guy before," Shinwon said, stealing Gaeul's turn and drinking anyway. When you all looked at him, he said, "I was drunk and it was a dare." He apologized to Gaeul for taking her turn and told her to take it now. Gaeul's statement embarrassed you, as she brought up the topic of having had sex. Your glass was the only one whose level hadn't changed. You didn't even like alcohol, but you wanted to drink the heck out of it when you saw that everyone else had experience and you didn't. Even Gaeul, who seemed pretty innocent enough to you. At least before ten seconds ago, that was. But it was like they all knew that you were a virgin. They hardly even batted an eyelash, and you were sure some of them hadn't even looked in your direction to confirm or deny their suspicion. It was Mina's turn. "Never have I ever gotten caught masturbating." She and Shinwon drank, and you could only imagine how it had gone for them. They refused to tell the embarrassing stories, so Shinwon moved onto his turn, turning the topic to something a little more general, but keeping the theme the same. "Never have I ever masturbated before." Obviously, he and Mina had, but so had Yujin and Gaeul, who was surprising you left and right. Your glass remained embarrassingly untouched. Shinwon's mouth was open wide at you. He hadn't even taken a drink, and his focus was still on your face, so Yujin lifted his cup to his lips for him. He didn't look away until you hesitantly took the second sip of the night, even though it was a lie. Yujin's next question concerned wanting to hookup with a professor. Shinwon's gaze was on you again, and he didn't drink, even though you knew he'd mentioned once or twice exactly what the question detailed. After a short silence where Shinwon had forgotten it was his turn, Gaeul jumped in, probably claiming Shinwon's turn like he'd done to her earlier. "Never have I ever wanted to kiss somebody in this room." She and Shinwon were the only ones to drink. The hand that was holding your glass almost shot up immediately, but you had to stop right there. So what? You'd lie. Shinwon would not know about your crush on him. No, sir. Not tonight. Maybe in a different life or on a different night when you had more confidence. Shinwon frowned, looking down at his glass sadly. "Don't pout, silly." Yujin poured the last of the whisky into his nearly-empty cup. "There's more where that came from." He swirled the liquid in his cup around and took a small sip. Mina continued on with an embarrassing childhood nightmare: making out with a poster of a celebrity. Of course you'd all done it, sending every one of you into fits of laughter. You and the three other girls looked at Shinwon, who just shrugged, took another drink, and started his turn, asking a rather boring and tame question for such a potentially risqué game. The game proceeded for a few more rounds before Shinwon suddenly―and uncharacteristically―set his glass down and told you guys to get out. He stood from his bed quickly, as if telling you that you best follow his command and get out of there or else. You could only see his face out of the corner of your eye, but he looked like a dad who had just caught his kids throwing a wild party and was about to deliver a lecture on underage drinking and safe sex. The other girls were able to scurry away quickly, thanks to their slip-ons or heels. They disappeared into the hall and out of sight as you were still scrambling to stand up, unable to move at first due to being taken off guard by Shinwon's sudden coldness. You cursed yourself for wearing hightop sneakers that day, because they took a while to put on and lace up. You reached down to grab them, intent on just bolting out into the hallway and putting them on out there. "Not you," Shinwon grumbled. His voice was tight, cold, a little scary. He approached you and shut the door a little forcefully, but you couldn’t hear it because your beating heart drowned out the sound. The pounding continued and your eyes fell to the floor as you tried to calm yourself. You were afraid to look him in the eyes. You’d never seen him like this before. Most of the time, he was pretty chill. Tonight, you weren’t sure what to expect from him. You must have missed something he said, although you were afraid to ask him to repeat it. Frustrated at you having not responded to him, he smacked a shoe from your hand. You couldn’t mistake how it hit his bare foot on its way to the floor, but he didn't groan or whine in pain or have any sort of response at all. He was always gentle, never rough. You were worried and confused. But then you saw the lust in his eyes before they closed, and in a split second, his arm was on your waist and his lips were on yours. For someone who was being aggressive, his lips were just as gentle as you'd imagined they'd be. Not as if you'd imagined making out with him or anything.... You were a bit nervous. You'd only kissed one other guy before, and he had been quite a shit boyfriend afterall, seeming oblivious to your satisfaction. So it made your heart swoon when Shinwon's other hand cupped your cheek, his thumb rubbing tiny circles on your skin, while the hand that was on your waist moved down to your butt, pulling you closer to his body. At the sudden contact of his hand, you practically let out a squeak in surprise. He didn’t seem to notice, but it made you realize you hadn’t even been kissing back, so you applied some pressure again his lips with your own and wrapped your arms around his neck. You were in heaven. Oh, what you'd have given to be this close to Shinwon. In this way. And now there he was, his entire body pressed against yours, his lips massaging yours in the most wonderful way. He pulled his lips away and, after unbuttoning the top three buttons on your shirt, they returned to your skin, this time alternating between pressing wet, open-mouthed kisses to your collarbones and upper chest and sucking on your neck. One of his hands returned to cup your butt again, while he tried to unbutton his own shirt with the other. You reached over to help him before undoing the rest of the buttons on your own shirt. You were about to let out a loud moan when he suddenly stopped kissing you, turning towards his bed and running a hand through his hair, sighing. Meanwhile, you stood there awkwardly with your shirt hanging open, wondering if you should sneak out and avoid the embarrassment of him looking at you again. But your body wouldn’t budge. It was determined to stay put and seduce Shinwon into kissing you again. You said, "was I really that bad?" at the same time that he said, "I'm sorry." "What?" you both asked. "What? No, no," he reassured you. "You were...wonderful. It was amazing." "Then why'd you stop?" you asked, holding your shirt closed with one hand, the other brushing some hair behind your ear nervously. "I didn't ask. I just told you all to leave and practically made you stay here. That wasn't right of me. I wanted to do it, but that didn't mean you did." "Shinwon," you breathed out, inching closer to him as you spoke until you were pressed up against him again. "If I didn't want this, I wouldn't have stayed. I wouldn't have let you kiss me in such a way that had me seeing stars. If I wanted to run away, I'd have done it before I was able to feel your bulge on my stomach." He smirked shyly, but pulled your hand from where it was dangling by your side up to said erection. He placed your hand on it, keeping his hand over yours and moving both of your hands back and forth a little to create some friction. But then his hand left yours, and you had been holding him so lightly that yours feel off as well. You looked to him for an explanation. "I didn't know if that would be okay, if you'd be comfortable with it,” he admitted. "Wonnie oppa," you said as you returned your hand to his member, feeling it twitch with the attention it was receiving and the nickname you used. "I told you I'm fine with this." Your hand tightened around him while your thumb rubbed his tip. You were thankful he had on sweatpants. It made it easier than having to deal with the thick material of jeans. You could feel it in almost all its glory. He tried to hold in his moan at what your touch was doing to him, but he failed. He stepped back a little, trying to control himself a little so he could manage to focus on what he was about to say. "You didn't drink when we all talked about having sex. And I thought, no offense, that it didn't really surprise me. You're good, you're so good. There's nothing wrong with you being a virgin." He paused, seeming to lose his train of thought. You wondered if he'd continue, wondered if he decided against what he was going to say because it would come off as rude or offensive. He continued. "How has no one touched you before? Touched your gorgeous body?" He pushed your shirt out of the way as he kissed the top of your still bra-clad breast, causing the shirt to fall down your arms and to the floor. He kissed your neck. "Your adorable face." A kiss to your cheek. "Your brilliant nose." One to the aforementioned body part. "Your pretty lips." He pressed a quick kiss to them as his thumbs rubbed at your waist. He pulled you close to him again, reveling in pleasure when your chest pressed against his and your nether regions made contact with one another. "May I?" He looked into your eyes for permission, his hand paused by your bra strap. After you nodded, he slowly pushed down one strap, then the other. He leaned in, his face resting in your neck as he reached around to unclasp your bra. His eyes stared in awe as he carefully sat your bra down on the edge of his bed. "Gorgeous," he repeated, his eyes returning to yours. He reached his hand out and pulled the both of you onto his bed. His attention didn't go back to your boobs right away. Instead, his lips covered yours again and his hands tangled themselves in your hair. It was all so...caring? His detail and concern. How he'd gently set your bra down, making sure not to ruin it by carelessly tossing it around. How he didn't ravish your breasts, covering them in kisses, licks, bites. How he returned to kissing you again and making eye contact, actual eye contact with you when there was a pair of real life, human, female breasts right in front of him for him to explore and do with as he pleased. But you wanted him to touch you. As a subtle hint that you wanted just that, you moved a hand up his torso, running it from the hard plane of his stomach up to his chest to stop at his nipple. You rubbed a thumb over it and heard a muffled moan slip into your mouth when you pinched it lightly. His own hands traveled to your chest, alternating between massaging your boobs and rubbing your nipples with his thumbs. It was slow, soft, but he sped up eventually as you continued your own pace on his chest. It was funny. You never would have imagined something like this would actually happen, but there you were, making out with one of your best friends as you both rubbed each other's nipples. There was something really intimate about it. You were sure most guys didn't receive that kind of attention to their nipples because it didn't seem like the norm, like it was for women only. But Shinwon did not seem to be complaining. He suddenly halted all motions and pulled you onto his lap. His erection was right up against your thighs now. You moaned every time he gently thrust his hips upward, his hardness making you antsy. You palmed him through his sweats again, and his breathing quickened. You looked down in between you. His dick was straining at the waistband of his pants. Your other hand left his neck to pull his pants down. You knew that he sometimes didn't wear underwear, but you weren’t expecting his cock to spring out right away, standing almost completely flat against his stomach. He finally broke away from your lips and stood to shimmy out of his pants. You did the same, trying not to stare at him too much, and then the both of you returned to his bed. You returned your hand to him, but looked up shyly, hoping he'd get the hint that you wanted some assistance. Sure, you had him moaning earlier from your movements, but you didn't know that much. It had all been basic. You didn't want to do basic. You wanted to wow him, but unfortunately, you hadn't had any real experience. He seemed to understand, and there didn't appear to be any hint of judgment on his face. He covered your hand with his again, moving it up and down, slowly, quickly, slowly again. He squeezed, and you breathed heavily when it responded on its own accord, twitching in your hands excitedly. He removed his hand again, wanting to continue what he'd been saying earlier. “When I heard you hadn’t had sex, I thought all the guys you knew were idiots, jerks for not pleasuring you in a way that everyone deserves.” He kissed your lips lightly. “When I heard you hadn’t masturbated before, I thought it was unfair. How have you not touched yourself before? You deserve―you need to feel pleasure like that.” He cleared his throat. “I don’t know. I guess I was thinking that since you hadn’t done either of those, I’d take it into my own hands to show you.” He chuckled at his pun. “Literally.” His laugh, his smile, was amazing. You reached up to kiss the corner of his mouth. Did that mean this was all pity? That he was just doing it because he felt sorry for you? It pained you to think of it, but you didn’t care right now. Shinwon was being the sweetest you’d ever seen him. And he was naked in front of you. He had you in his bed. And he’d initiated all of it. Even if he didn’t like you, if he was just doing this out of pity, you would be happy that you’d gotten to spend time with him like this. Even if it meant your heart would break every time you were hanging out in his room, noticing the stray earring on his bedside table, the pair of pink cat eye glasses that certainly didn’t belong to him, the way he chuckled and smirked when he received a text from one of his hookups, the way his clothes really did nothing to conceal his body underneath. You wouldn’t be able to keep yourself from undressing him with your eyes from now on. “You should try it,” he said, interrupting you from your thoughts.”Masturbating, that is,” he clarified. “Sex is amazing too, but there’s also nothing like pleasuring yourself. You get to control everything and figure out what you like.” You nodded. Never had you thought you would be one to masturbate. It seemed dirty to you, unnatural. Desperate, like you couldn’t find a guy to please you so you had to simulate it instead. “Do I take my underwear off or...?” It was the first of a long list of questions you didn’t want to ask him. “You can if you’d like, but you don’t have to. I can turn around, or watch and give advice if you want.” You just nodded again, trying to disguise the shaky breath that left your throat. He wasn’t sure what you were saying yes to, but when you stuck your hand into your underwear and didn’t protest as he stared, he figured it was safe to keep looking. “What exactly do I, uh, do?” you asked a moment later. You’d rubbed around furiously and felt next to nothing. “Well, that’s the beauty of it. All sorts of things can feel good. I’ve, uh, never masturbated as a girl before, so there’s only so much I can help with. But there are tons of techniques. Rubbing, thrusting, pinching, I guess.” He shrugged. “People get pretty creative. But anything that makes friction or causes vibration is probably good. You can try rubbing your inner thighs first to warm yourself up,” he suggested. “I’m, um, pretty wet already, you know?” He chuckled nervously, and you blushed, but nonetheless did as he said, your hand leaving your underwear and settling on one of your thighs. He instructed you through a few more steps, until you were moving two of your fingers in and out at a slow pace. You refrained from going deep, keeping your fingers as shallow as possible. It seemed like it would hurt, and you didn’t want to test it. Besides, you couldn’t bring yourself to try much more. You had no idea what you were doing. You weren’t even that well aware of your anatomy down there. “Anything?” he asked. “Well, it does feel kind of good, but not as satisfying as everyone makes it seem.” “Try to go a little deeper. More nerves further in, I guess.” He blushed, and you were thankful you weren’t the only nervous one. You tried as he said, feeling a mix of pleasure and the slightest pain, but mostly just your nerves getting the better of you. Before you chickened out and removed your fingers, you felt the unmistakable difference, making you gasp in surprise. “What?” he asked, a smile on his face. “Feel good?” You nodded. “Yeah, but also a little weird since I’m not used to it. But, um....” “What is it?” You shook your head. “It’s too embarrassing.” “I won’t judge. Come on. As your masturbation advisor-slash-assistant, I need to know these things.” He grabbed your hand, and you couldn’t help but cringe and laugh at the same time at the amount of your...liquid that was on the hand he was holding. You pulled it back to your lap. “It felt different. Not, like, just because it was deeper. I don’t even know how to say this. It feels like the same―not material―uh, the same make up of my tongue. And what you've been doing to my tongue tonight has been amazing, so it’s just....The skin or whatever down there had a different texture. It felt more sensitive, I guess is the word I’m looking for. I didn’t expect it to feel so different and good and strange and scary, but also exciting at the same time.” He grinned. “I have an idea,” he said, one hand stroking up his penis, which was still standing proud and tall, except it looked red and angry now. “Mutual masturbation.” “Huh?” “Seeing someone else in a state of sexual arousal can help you reach or maximize your own. It’s why porn is so popular.” You chuckled involuntarily. Watching you had certainly helped him maximize something of his own. “So, how does this work exactly?” “You do your thing, I do mine. We watch each other and help each other along with the process. We both get to be masturbation advisors-slash-assistants or whatever.” You nodded cautiously. You watched as one of his hands, then both, rubbed at his length. You focused more on his actions since your own were total shit. You sure hoped that he was right, that by watching him touch himself like that, you would feel something more. One of his hands squeezed and stroked while the other massaged his balls. His breathing increased in volume and his hips lifted off the bed as his hips jerked upward into the air. His eyes were shut, probably to give you some privacy, but also perhaps out of embarrassment, since he was aware you were staring at him. You were a little taken off guard when he came, white liquid spurting out onto his stomach and chest, some landing on his chin and probably a little in his hair. He moved his hands frantically, trying to savor every second as he milked every drop he could from himself. His face during the entire process was interesting. The way it scrunched up and looked sort of...pained? It looked like a face you wouldn’t want someone to see, but it was also adorable and sexy at the same time. If you could take a video of it to store in your mind and replay whenever you wanted, you would have invested in in-brain recording technology years ago. We’ll be riding hover-cars in the future, your ass. You would settle for storing his orgasm face at the forefront of your brain for eternity. He opened his eyes again, breathing still labored. He avoided eye contact with you as he stood up to get a rag to clean himself up with. You watched with extreme concentration as he tried to not make a puddle on the floor as he opened a bottle of water with one hand and tried to pour some onto the rag. You stifled a laugh, hoping to not making him spill more water. After cleaning himself up, he held the rag out to you in case he got anything on you, but you shook your head. As dirty as it sounded―and you were a little embarrassed to think that such a kinky thought had popped into your brain―if you did have anything on you, you would have wanted it to stay on your skin. “Sorry,” he apologized, sitting down on the bed again. “Maybe seeing me cum all over myself isn’t your idea of sexy.” “It was hot,” you admitted, being unable to help the way your tongue grazed your lips and your eyebrows rose. Shinwon seemed to notice, but you cut him off before he could say anything. “But it didn’t exactly help me with my problem.” You wanted him to assist you. Compared to you, he was an expert. “Can you take over...please?” “Are you sure? You can keep going. I don’t care if it takes a while. You need time to explore.” “I don’t want you to waste your time while I try to get myself off. It’s just not happening tonight. I can assure you that. You probably don’t want to have to jerk off every five minutes while I sit here ‘exploring,’ when really, I’m just too shy and scared to go any further myself.” “I don’t care how long it takes,” he repeated. He raised an eyebrow. “And, wow, five minutes? I didn’t know my refractory rate was that high. I have quite an image to live up to. I mean, I know I ran track last semester, but I didn’t think my stamina was that high.” A smirk grazed his face. “Please, oppa.” You pouted up at him. You noticed the splotch of cum still on his chin. Tentatively, you leaned forward onto your knees to lick it away. You had him now. “Please,” you begged seductively, internally cringing at your next words. But they had to be said. “I’m so wet for you.” No more than a few seconds later, you were on your back with your underwear off and one of Shinwon’s large fingers was plunging into your core. Your breath caught in your throat, growing uneven. Your back arched when he added another finger, continuing in a pace that was steady and oh so good. Your nails made an appearance on his back when he inserted a third finger. It hurt slightly, since three of his fingers were way bigger than the two of your own you’d used earlier, but it felt amazing at the same time. You were panting, your breath coming out so shallowly that someone would think something were wrong. But then he pulled away, returning to a sitting position. “Wonnie,” you pleaded, your body following his in utter desperation. “Why are you doing this?” You hated to think of it, but if your best friend was being an asshole by leading you on and stopping when you were reaching a high to make fun of you, you would cry right there after giving him the award for best actor. Just when you were beginning to think that maybe this wasn’t entirely out of pity. You would probably run out of his room, not even dressed, and just cry yourself into a pile of goo and sadness and your school president would have to explain to your parents that your break down wasn’t because of your impending midterms and fear of failing your classes, but because your sexy, addictive best friend wanted to fuck with your emotions and leave you hanging. “Let me show you how,” he said gently, his face warm, like he noticed the fear in your eyes. He grabbed your hand and used his own to push one of your fingers inside. It felt better than when you did it yourself. You didn’t quite reach as deeply as he was able to, and your fingers weren’t as full as his were, but he helped you get the location, pace, and pressure right. It felt good. It did. But you didn’t think you were nearing an orgasm. You were sure you hadn’t had one, based on what you’d heard you could expect. And based on the look on Shinwon’s face from moments before. You didn’t know how the beautiful image was already starting to fade from your memory. Stupid faulty in-brain recording technology. When you died, you would have a bone to pick with God on why he couldn’t give humans better equipment to work with, your argument being that it would help them remember all their happiest moments and definitely not because you wanted to replay Shinwon orgasming over and over and over again in your mind. Best to leave that part out. You reached over to Shinwon’s already rehardening member and squeezed. Your moans mingled as you pleasured each other. It continued until a new side overtook you and you couldn’t take it anymore. “Shinwon, I want you inside me.” His hand slowed. “I don’t want to hurt you, baby,” he said so softly, pressing a kiss to your cheek and nuzzling his own cheek against your hair. Your heart skipped a beat at the word ‘baby.’ But you quickly forced yourself to get over it. Baby was a word that came out a lot during sex. It didn’t necessarily mean anything. Shinwon wouldn’t mean it with you. You weren’t sure he’d mean it with anyone, to be honest. At least not in the near future, with how quickly his female companions seemed to rotate. Baby, a true baby that he said and meant, would come from an older, maturer Shinwon. He continued. “Maybe another time, but not tonight. I don’t want you to do more than you’re ready for, or feel that you have to do any of those things. I wouldn’t want you to regret being with me and have bad memories of your first time. You’re feeling good right now, right? Let’s not risk it and just leave it at that.” He removed your hand from his crotch and stood to retrieve his pants. You stood too, an angry look on your face. “Oppa,” you said, and there was nothing nice or cute about it. You pushed the sweatpants out of his hands and grabbed his cock roughly. Once again, he tried to hide the moan that escaped his throat. It was the delicious sounds that he made that spurred you on, filled with confidence you weren’t aware you had. “Shinwon, I want you to make me feel good. You’re a good guy. You’ve been so caring and helpful today. Concerned with me being pleasured. You’ve succeeded. You’ve made me feel things I could not have imagined. So, for that, thank you. You’ve helped me live out fantasies I’m embarrassed to admit I’ve thought of. But, you’re wrong. I haven’t been truly pleasured yet. And I won’t be until your cock is deep inside me, filling me up and making me scream your name.” One hand stroked him as the other moved from your breast down to your core, fondling yourself. “Shinwon,” you breathed out, demonstrating what he could be witnessing if he would just do as you desired. “Ah, yes. Fuck me. Right there. Yes. Fuck, Shin--” You were pinned to the wall this time, Shinwon being too impatient to make it to his bed again. He thrust into you quickly, but he made sure to only do so shallowly, pulling in and out slowly a few times, rubbing himself on your folds before he moved backward. “T-tease,” left your throat in groan. Who knew skin-on-skin contact could feel so damn good? You were still tingling as you stared at him, waiting for his next moves. He smirked, out of breath as he grabbed a condom and tossed it onto the bed. He gestured with his eyes for you to lie down. It was obvious both of you were incredibly turned on and desperate for pleasure and release, but his movements seemed to pass by in slow motion. He settled above you. The air reeked of lust, but he paused for a moment to look at you sincerely. He kissed you passionately, his lips not leaving yours for what felt like a century. “Y/n, I’m not going to hurt you,” he whispered. He was so soft. How could this be the same guy whose glare made you afraid just an hour ago? “I won’t hurt you,” he repeated. “I couldn’t do that to either of us.” His hands traced your thighs, cupping your legs to spread them apart. “Tell me if there’s any pain at all and I’ll stop, okay?” You nodded. But you had a feeling both of you knew you didn’t plan on telling him to stop. You didn’t want him to stop. He couldn’t. You were too invested in this new side of him, this new side of yourself, and you wouldn’t be leaving until you got to experience it in all its glory. Painfully slowly, he opened the condom and slid it onto his length, making sure to ask you not once, but twice, whether it was okay and if you really wanted to do this. “Shinwon,” you whined, reaching your hand down to rub his shaft. “Ask me one more time and I will explode. Please.” You didn’t mean to beg, but it just came out, your voice soft and desperate. “Okay,” he said, his voice just as quiet. “Okay.” He continued this mantra of ‘okay’ as he pushed into you at a slow pace, his eyes on yours, looking for any hint of pain. You were starting to feel a slight sting, but he wouldn’t look away from your eyes. You leaned forward to press your lips to his, succeeding in taking away his vision. He wouldn’t see the pained expression on your face. He couldn’t. But your mouth threatened to betray you, wanting so desperately to let out a whimper, but you just kissed Shinwon deeper in an attempt to make it back off. Your hand unintentionally rose to the top of his back, dragging your nails downward. He moved his lips from yours, his hips stilling. “Use your words, baby. Tell me how it feels. Does it hurt?” The whimper escaped your mouth and you would have whooped its ass if you could. “Shin―” you started. You licked your lips, which were probably swollen at this point. “I―I don’t want you to not enjoy yourself. Please don’t stop.” His eyes looked into yours so powerfully you wanted to turn away. “Listen, Y/n. Yes, I am incredibly turned on right now. If I don’t get to come in you, it’ll be the most unsatisfying orgasm of my life, but I don’t care about whether or not I enjoy myself. I’m enjoying you. And you enjoying yourself. Trust me, being this close to you is making me so happy. Kissing you, touching you. When you moan, I swear I could come on the spot.” He allowed a brief moment to chuckle before bringing the sentimental atmosphere back. “If you’re not happy and having fun, I’m not going to be happy and I’m not going to have fun. No matter how turned on I am or how close to orgasming I am. Please be honest with me. Do you want me to stop?” You shook your head. “Are you being honest?” You nodded. “I am, Shinwon. Yes, it does hurt. But it feels incredible too. Sex for the first time is just something that has to be difficult. It’s painful for a lot of people. That’s not my fault, and it’s certainly not your fault. But I can guarantee it won’t be better if we tried this another time. Come on, just a few moments of discomfort and then we both get to feel as high as the clouds.” You rubbed at his shoulder, pressing a soft kiss to his pouty lips. “Please.” He nodded eventually. “I’m going as slow as Professor Park takes to return our graded papers.” He smiled at having earned a chuckle from you. Whatever he could to keep you calm and distracted. He grabbed your hands and wrapped them around his neck again. “Scratch me, do whatever you need to, Y/n. I don’t care if it hurts me.” “Shinwon,” you whispered as you started to feel him move again. “Kiss me.” He obeyed, his lips hardly leaving yours for a second, leaving both of you nearly breathless, but you were well distracted. Even when the worst pain hit between your thighs and you almost gave up, despite what you’d said earlier. You were sure you bit his lip a little too hard, but he just moaned into your mouth, one of his hands roaming down to rub your thigh softly. You were sure he would pull away and throw in the towel, but he could sense the pleasure in the next noise you let out. Your hand pressed against his lower back, trying in a futile attempt to bring his body even closer to yours, when it was already as if the two of you were one. If he got any closer, you would have to explain to your parents why there was another human attached to you and why he was staying for Christmas break. Your grandma surely wouldn’t like the sight of a guy so close to you. At that thought, you shook your head, your lips breaking apart from his in the process. “What’s wrong?” Shinwon asked, his hips slowing again. “Nothing,” you assured him, lifting your pelvis to take more of him in again. His head fell backward at the feeling. “I just thought of something funny.” “Great,” he breathed out, nearly breathless. ��That’s the last thing I want to hear when I’m having sex with a girl. She thought of something funny.” “It was nothing you did,” you reassured him. “Just something funny my brain cooked up.” “Promise to tell me later.” You shook your head, closing your eyes. Why did you have to laugh? You tightened your legs around his waist, letting out a moan on purpose in hopes that he would drop the topic. “Not that I don’t like the sounds you make, but even I can tell that was a distraction moan. I’ll get it out of you sooner or later.” Like he meant it as a double entendre, he reached down to rub circles on your clit, bringing you to your orgasm in no time. You let out the most satisfied noise you’d ever made as you were overcome with warmth and fuzziness and the excitement of every present you’d ever received. Ever. Your breath continued to leave you at a quick pace, but despite that and your heart pumping itself madly, the rest of your body felt like it was on cloud 9, renewed and at peace. You were sure the cold you thought you were developing just a day or two ago was gone and your immune system could handle anything, even the pizza parlor on Kremmer Street that you vowed never to return to again after you and Mina had gotten food poisoning there last year. You were so into your feelings to notice that Shinwon’s pace had sped up and he had moved one of your legs from around his waist to rest it on his shoulder, hitting a sweet spot that made both of you unable to control your pants. “Fuck, Shinwon,” you breathed. “I hardly got over the first orgasm. Are you trying to make me have another one already?” you joked. “I want you to have as many orgasms as will make you happy.” He turned red at his cheesiness. “Let me help you,” you said, reaching a hand down to squeeze his balls as you snapped your hips up to meet his. “Like that, baby,” he panted into your ear. “Just like that. I’m almost there.” If almost meant one second, then almost was the perfect word to use. A loud and beautiful sound left Shinwon’s mouth as he filled the condom up, his hips stuttering, but continuing on as best as they could to prolong his pleasure. His body collapsed on top of yours, his shallow breaths right in your ear. You both settled into a comfortable silence, but you were the first to break it. “If there’s one thing I learned, it’s that orgasm faces are a whole category of embarrassing-slash-amazing,” you joked. “I mean, really? Your mouth opened and closed so much it looked like you were a fish going ‘blub-blub.’“ He buried his face deeper in your neck, slapping your arm lightly. “Shut up. We all can’t look gorgeous when we come. Some of us have to look ugly too.” You lifted your head enough to force him to do the same and look at you. “Where?” you questioned. “I don’t see one speck of ugly on your face.” “Then if I’m 100% not ugly, I know you’re out of this world.” “Stop being cheesy,” you said, punching him in the shoulder. You were loving every bit of it. “Shinwon, you were amazing.” He blushed and kissed your temple. “I’m okay....” “Don’t pull out just yet,” you said to him a little while later. “I love the feeling of you inside me. Like, I’m in love with it.” “I’m in love with you.” You gaped at him. “Seriously?” He nodded seriously, sleepily. “I am. I truly am. And I’m not just saying that because we just had sex or because I’m still inside you right now.” He chuckled, moving his hips to draw attention to the fact. You groaned at the feeling. “I absolutely love you. I adore you. I’m madly head over heels, giddy...in love with you, Y/n. I love you.” He kissed you again, bringing your face closer to his by cupping your cheek. He ran a hand through your messy hair. It was your turn now. “I thought it couldn’t be real, you doing this. I thought you actually wanting me had to be a lie. That this was all out of pity. But then I started to tell it wasn’t. You were so caring, gentle, worried more about me than your pleasure. Pity doesn’t exist in your vocabulary repertoire.” He smiled. “If I had been pitying you, I wouldn’t have been this patient. I wouldn’t have said I love you like a million times. And I wouldn’t have followed your wishes and still be inside you, even though the condom is, like, sticking to me and it’s just stickiness overload.” He kissed your forehead. “But it’s worth it. I wouldn’t want anything else. I love this feeling too. I’m never leaving your touch. You’re stuck with me forever.” “Great.” You kissed his chin, the closest part of him you could reach. “Never leave me, Shinwon. Let’s stay like this forever.” “Alright, baby. You’ll stay in my arms as long as we live.” He pressed a long kiss to your forehead. “But just to remind you, we have exams in two days.” He chuckled when you smacked his chest. “Shut up. Don’t ruin the moment.” “I won’t, baby.” Another kiss to your forehead. “I just want to sleep.” “I know, I know. It’s probably past midnight by now.” He stroked your hair repeatedly, enjoying the silence. “Promise me you’ll still be here when I wake up?” “Of course. I’m not going to run off. It is my room afterall.” “No, promise me you’re real. That this is all real.” “I promise. We’ll sleep peacefully, blissfully happy. You’ll wake up to see my ugly morning face and I’ll cover you in kisses and make love to you again. Again and again, as many times as you want. Until we cry because we haven’t studied. And even then, I’ll make love to you and assure you that you’re smart and capable and you’ll do fine because you’re wonderful and intelligent. And I’ll break Professor Shin’s kneecaps if he fails the girl I love.” He smiled brightly. He was happy. You were happy. It was all okay. “Um.” You cleared your throat. “Shinwon?” “Yes?” “Can you pull out now? It’s getting kind of sticky afterall. And it’s starting to ache a little. You better massage my thighs tomorrow,” you joked. He smiled. “No, I won’t.” He pulled out and threw the condom away. “Yes, you will.” You sat up as he returned to the bed. “No, I won’t. I’m going to provide the best aftercare in the world right now.” His strong, but soft hands rubbed the sensitive skin of your thighs, his lips kissing yours lightly. “Are you hungry? Do you need a shower? It’s guys only for my bathroom, but I’m sure I could sneak you in if we’re really quiet.” “As much as I would love that, I’m pretty tired out. You really were amazing. I could probably use some food after all that exercise we did, but I just want to lay with you.” His hands stopped and he caressed your cheek, crashing your lips together. “I love you. I don’t think I’ll ever stop.” He kissed your forehead yet again. “Sleep,” he said, pulling your head to rest on his chest. “Sleep and we’ll talk in the morning.” ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * When you woke up in the morning, Shinwon was already awake, just staring at you. You chuckled, blushing as you pulled the blanket over your head. He pulled it down so he could see your face again and pulled you closer to him, letting you rest your face on his bare chest. There wasn’t much to talk about. It was pretty clear you would be inseparable after this. It was good to talk things out, like he’d said, but your feelings were already clear enough. Instead, you decided to humor him. “Shinwon, I distinctly recall you saying you’d fuck me this morning.” He shook his head. “Nope, I don’t know anything about that.” “Make love to me then,” you whispered, knowing that that’s what he was getting at. He smiled, eyes still closed. “That I remember promising.” “What are the girls gonna think?” “They’ll live. It had to be obvious that I liked you. How could you not see that I was jealous when you went on dates? Or that I was conveniently super happy when they didn’t work out? I felt bad that you were upset, sure, but it felt even better knowing you weren’t happy with some other guy.” “You’ve slept with a million girls. How do you explain that? Do you know that I was upset then?” “Well, I didn’t then. But most of them were meaningless anyway. They weren’t you, so they didn’t mean much to me. It was just a way to get my frustrations out when I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I hate that that’s how I had to distract myself from you.” You kissed him. “That’s all behind us. We’re together now, and that’s what’s important. You cleared your throat. “So, Shinwon, you’ve complimented me, complemented me, helped me gain experience, showed me the wonders of pleasure. Fucked me, made love to me, taught me how to fuck, taught me how to make love. Cared for me throughout the entire process. Something’s missing here.” He looked confused. “You haven’t asked me to be your girlfriend yet.” He chuckled. “I thought that was implied. Or a given. Definitely a given. I love you.” He kissed your nose, then your lips. “I love saying that, which you can probably tell by now. And kissing you, which you can also probably tell.” “I love you too,” you said for the first time. “Promise me every time will be this magical.” “I can’t. If I have anything to do with it, I want them to be better. I never want to stop pleasing you and loving you and making you feel good.” You could have cried. “Shin, I really don’t want to leave your bed. I know it’s the afternoon and we have exams in less than 24 hours, but I just can’t.” He kissed you passionately. “Don’t worry about a thing. We’ll be alright.”

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ppaltagon · 4 years

Text

Uni Cafe Schedule

I have promised to post this series when Yanan is back, so here it is ^^

coffee shop au

university au

[7-10am] morning shift

Jo Jinho:

Major: music

Favorite coffee: long black

Task and working style: the responsible oldest who opens the shop with Wooseok. Since there’s not too many people this early, he can just chill and study for his classes. Very stressed because he’s graduating soon. Nice and polite.

Jung Wooseok:

Major: veterinary

Favorite coffee: latte

Task and working style: he was forced to be here, he just wants to sleep. Sometimes messes up orders because he’s always tired but he’s cute even if he seems a bit gruff at times. Even though he keeps complaining, he does his job diligently.

[10am-1pm] lunch shift

Yeo Changgu:

Major: drama

Favorite coffee: mocha

Task and working style: handles the busiest time, the perfect man for the job #1. Flirts with his customers and writes his numbers on the cup of the girls he wants to hook up with. Nobody called him back yet.

Yang Hongseok:

Major: athletic trainer

Favorite coffee: caramel macchiato

Task and working style: handles the busiest time, the perfect man for the job #2. Flirts with his customers and is the master of coffee related puns. Occasionally gives lectures about the different types of coffees.

[1-4pm] chill afternoon shift

(Kim) Yan An:

Major: Korean language

Favorite coffee: vanilla latte

Task and working style: chill time because every normal person takes classes at this time. Bored out of his mind. Eats all the marshmallows and serves himself vanilla lattes every hour. Good at his job because he’s learnt it by making it for himself all the time.

Adachi Yuto:

Major: Korean language

Favorite coffee: iced americano

Task and working style: chill time because every normal person takes classes at this time. Actually works hard, he has to because Yanan is not much help to be honest.

[4-7pm] busy afternoon shift

Kang Hyunggu (Kino):

Major: dance

Favorite coffee: cappukino

Task and working style: okay at the job. Smile sweeter than the sweetest thing they sell. A pro at selling because nobody can say no to him. Dances around to his own background music when he has nothing to do.

Ko Shinwon:

Major: model

Favorite coffee: affogato

Task and working style: a professional. Has a fanclub and that group is always there to watch him but as long as they spend money, it’s okay. A bit clumsy but his coffee is the best!

[7-10pm] night shift

Lee Hwitaek (Hui):

Major: composition

Favorite coffee: espresso

Task and working style: he never sleeps so he’s the perfect for this shift. Kind of turned the cafe into a night club with Hyojong. Honestly, a mess but has a mood different from the day and people like it a lot. Both of their coffees taste like shit but the people go for their performances anyways.

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jasonbehrs · 3 years

Photo

something that i already know

by airauralintensity (aka me, jasonbehrs!)

As soon as Siwon says it, he can see the way so much clicks into place in Shindong’s astute, masterful, beautiful mind… But not even Shindong can draw the correct conclusion when he isn’t provided with every relevant fact. If he could, they would have cleared the air so long ago.

fandom: kpop, super junior characters: siwon, shindong, eunhyuk ships: shinwon, sihyuk genres: friendship, angst, romance themes: slice of life, one-sided crush, angst with a happy ending setting: high school into college; metro seoul area, south korea word count: 12.7k

read it below or on ffnet, aff, wattpad

A/N (05/01/2021): Hi, ELF! This is my first Super Junior fanfic :) Title comes from the Backstreet Boys song of the same name; cover image is made by me; and if you recognise anything in the fic, that means I don't own it. Happy reading!

~~~

It's never easy being the new kid in school, and Donghee is no exception. He has no friends; he has to play a lot of catch-up in the first few weeks because where his old teachers left off doesn't match up to where his new teachers are picking up; and he has to spend precious emotional energy acclimating to the culture and social politics.

Add in the fact that it's senior year, and he's at the most elite academy in Gyeonggi on a scholarship—he's seen this K-drama before. He knows how it ends.

"Hey! You're the new kid, Shin Donghee, right? Can I sit here?"

Admittedly, Tall, Bright, and Handsome doesn't usually come up to bully the new kid with such a charming smile on his face in the script, but Donghee still knows his role.

"Yeah, got it. Sorry. Didn't know this was your seat," he mumbles as he hurriedly packs up his lunch and books. He's not trying to make waves on his first day, thank you very much.

"No, no," T.B.H. puts out his hand to stop him from putting his planner away, and Donghee is shocked into stillness from the glaringly off-script performance that the other is putting on. "I meant, like, can I sit with you? I didn't know if you wanted to sit alone or not; but if you wanted the option for company, here I am."

Another winsome smile graces the other's face, and Donghee's eyes narrow. "Are you sure you wanna sit with the scholarship kid?" he asks sardonically. He isn't trying to get away anymore, but he's still not convinced he's welcome here.

Tall, Bright, and Handsome's light dims just a bit, but his pout is still effortlessly charming. It's almost offensive. "Come on. We're not like that here."

Donghee looks no further than just above the other's shoulder and sees a group of girls whispering and giggling in their direction. He looks back at the well-meaning but clueless hero of the story and raises an unimpressed eyebrow. T.B.H. looks over his shoulder to see what he saw, and he at least has the grace to be embarrassed when he turns back around.

Donghee is prepared to give a half-conciliatory, half-I told you so parting glance, but the other student keeps talking. "I'll admit, that's not a good look for us," he says with a grimace, "but would you believe me if I said they were acting like that because of me and not you?"

Considering he's been calling the guy 'Tall, Bright, and Handsome' in his head this whole time, yeah, he could believe it.

Hoping against hope that he isn't about to regret this, Donghee sits back down at the lunch table. T.B.H.'s smile is so bright, Donghee thinks he saw one of the guy's front teeth actually sparkle. "I'm Choi Siwon," he introduces as he extends his hand. Donghee shakes it and wryly thinks to himself that of course T.B.H.'s real name means 'cool.'

~~~

To nobody's surprise, Siwon is part of the popular crowd, which Donghee determines by the look on everyone's faces when Siwon invites him to sit with his friends at lunch the next day. The guys weren't exactly welcoming, but they were polite. He doesn't know whether maybe Siwon said something to them or not about being nice to the new kid; but honestly, he'll take it. He's still not entirely convinced that this is the setup for some sort of 'Carrie' situation or something. It's senior year after all, so prom is coming up.

It isn't until Siwon invites them all over to study together that things shift.

"Bro, what the fuck," Kangin says out of the blue, causing everyone to look up and causing Donghee to drop the pencil he was playing with. Kangin is staring at him—more specifically, his hand—and everyone's attention turns to him instead.

"Uh," he intones, not sure what is happening here and suddenly feeling the urge to look up.

"Do that again," Kangin demands, gesturing at Donghee's hand. His fingers twitch involuntarily at the command, but he genuinely has no clue what he's meant to do. He looks to Siwon with a clear plea for help on his face.

"Youngwoon, what gives?" Siwon asks, using Kangin's real name to snap him out of whatever is captivating the varsity baseball captain.

"Donghee was legit balancing a fucking pencil on his finger!" Kangin exclaims while gesturing helplessly at Donghee's hand.

Donghee understands immediately. "Ah, sorry. I forgot I did that." Without further prompting, he balances his pencil on its eraser at the tip of his middle finger. He moves his hand side to side for fun, showing off how the graphite tip stays roughly at the same point in the air all the while. With a flick of his finger, he launches the pencil up and catches it in mid-air, smoothly transitioning to end with a bow in his seat with the same gesture.

He looks up to find four slack-jawed teenage boys, and he brags, "I can do that with basically anything I can lift."

All pretenses of studying are summarily discarded in favour of testing this theory. Donghee easily balances notebooks, folding chairs, and even a curtain pole (dismantled from the window by an excited Heechul and reinstalled by an amused Siwon).

Once the others are thoroughly entertained, they don't want to go back to studying. Alas, they are at Siwon's house; as rich as he is, he doesn't have any convenient distractions (which Donghee surmises is the point of going to Siwon's to study in the first place). Kibum's the one to recommend just going to the local convenience store and walking around for no reason, which feels a lot like acceptance to Donghee.

In fact, it isn't long until he finds himself hanging out with some of the guys sans Siwon.

Kibum hands Donghee part of his deck for some trading card game he's never even heard of before, much more played; but after two rounds and a gradual learning of the rules, Donghee is now locked into a 1v1 match against Kibum, having just killed Heechul's last creature card.

"You sure your name's Shin Donghee and not Hee Shindong?" Heechul mutters as he throws his cards on the table. "Like, what can't you do?"

Donghee isn't paying him any attention then, instead supremely focused on using his impromptu green-black strategy to beat Kibum with his own deck.

So he's surprised when the next day Heechul slaps his back and says, "Yah! Shindong! I've been calling you for like five minutes!" as he falls into step with Donghee on his way to school. "Run me through the lymphatic system one more time." Donghee obligingly pulls out his notebook and helps his friend cram for their biology quiz that day, but his mind is somewhere else.

He's never had a nickname before, and he likes it.

~~~

Siwon is nothing like what he expects.

He spends most of his free time with the guys now, and he keeps coming back to that realisation.

Siwon is touchy. Like, more affectionate than a dog or a baby could be—combined. Kibum may be the youngest, but Siwon is the baby, and no one seems to mind treating him as such. Shindong is a man who likes his personal space, but Siwon's touches are so genuinely friendly and joyful that he finds himself readily inviting them into his bubble.

Siwon is expressive. Casual observers would never notice more than his charming smile and runway-ready neutral gaze, but he and the guys know better than that. Siwon talks with his whole body. His amusement is measured in congratulatory high-fives, and his stress in head shakes and tapping fingers. Shindong can always tell what he's thinking and feeling.

Siwon is down-to-earth. He's the richest in their friend group by a whole social class, but nothing about him plays on Shindong's financial insecurities. In fact, the first time Shindong hosted his friends over, the power went out, and Siwon was the only one who happened to recognise the strategically placed candles and matches around the living room. He wordlessly helped Shindong light them back up and suggested they take advantage of the dark to tell scary stories. Shindong will always be grateful for that.

Siwon is single. Sure, he doesn't give off playboy vibes, but he is certainly the poster child for monogamy. Shindong would not have been surprised to meet a loving, long-term girlfriend who is just as angelic as Siwon is and somehow twice as gorgeous, but no such person exists. Shindong has seen girls confess to Siwon literally once a day since they became friends (the record for a single day is currently four confessions), but Siwon graciously yet firmly denies them all.

Siwon is his best friend. It starts with study sessions, which turn into de-stress movie nights, which turn into sleepovers—and before he knows it, people from teachers to strangers start considering them a package deal. Shindong doesn't mind, of course. Siwon is less intense when he's not around the others, more introspective and goals-oriented—and Shindong can relate. It's great to have a friend who gets both sides of him and around whom he can comfortably show both sides. He didn't have one at his old school, but he's glad he has someone now.

~~~

"Want the rest of my pork?" Kibum offers Shindong at lunch. "Nah, I don't believe in cannibalism," Shindong says, even as he begins transferring the meat over to his own lunch tray.

The table is silent for a moment, but luckily he places his tray down just as Kangin decides to lay an open-palm slap to his back, laughing uproariously. Heechul is legitimately choking on his own food, and Kibum gives him a nod with a grin to acknowledge the joke.

Shindong feels pretty pleased with himself—he just knew that joke would land—and he glances over at Siwon to see the other's reaction. To his surprise, Siwon is staring at the table with a furrowed brow instead. Shindong frowns but lets it go. It's too bad Siwon was too busy thinking to hear his joke.

After lunch, the two of them only have the last class of the day together, and he notices Siwon still seems to be in a sour mood. Shindong racks his brain trying to remember if Siwon had a test he was worried about today. Maybe he feels like he failed?

"Hey, man," he calls out to Siwon after the final bell rings. "Wanna get some gyoza? On me."

Siwon's face brightens for the first time since lunch, and Shindong knows he made the right call; but in the time it takes for them to head to the Japanese place near his house and settle into a booth, Siwon's mood is dark again.

The table is quiet as Siwon plays with his food, making no move to eat any. Shindong stuffs two fried shrimp pieces in his mouth as casually as possible. Don't ask him why, but he thinks talking with his mouth full will help break the ice. "Hey, you good? You've been in a mood all day."

Siwon briefly meets Shindong's carefully neutral stare then averts his eyes to the table. "I don't like it when you do that," he mutters.

Shindong freezes with the next set of two gyoza halfway to his mouth. "Eat? Sorry man, I'm very diligent about my eat-anything-in-sight diet. If I stopped being fat, the girls at school would be all over me instead of you, which would disturb the balance of our friendship." He ends with a bite of dumpling and a cheeky grin.

"No, that! The self-deprecating jokes about your size!"

They both freeze. Siwon did not mean to blurt it out like that.

He deflates a little in his seat in embarrassment. "I don't like them. They make me sad," he continues in a much quieter tone.

Shindong did not see this coming and, frankly, has no idea how to react. "Um, you want me to stop being fat?"

"No, I want you to stop drawing attention to it. It's like you have to make a mean joke about your size first before anyone else can. No one in the group would ever be mean to you about it; I wouldn't let them," Siwon states adamantly. He means every word. The second one of the others crosses a line, he wouldn't hesitate to make sure they never, ever did it again.

The words are out before Shindong fully thinks about them. "You can say the word 'fat,' Siwon. Newsflash, I am fat. I'm as fat as you are tall. It's just something about me. I won't hesitate to make a fat joke any sooner than Heechul would hesitate to make a bi joke." His frustration surprises even himself, so he takes a sip from his water to calm down.

Siwon takes that as his cue to plead his case, and pleading he is. "It doesn't bother you that that's the part of yourself you decide to play up for the jokes? You're a great dancer, and you're quick on your feet—literally and figuratively! You'd be so great at, like, slapstick or something!" Shindong snorts, but Siwon forges on. "I just don't like seeing my friends laugh at you for… for being fat when you're so much more than that."

Shindong doesn't say anything, just lowers his head, and Siwon sighs. "You want to make a fat joke, don't you." "AND I'M SO MUCH ALREADY—okay. I'm done, I'm done."

Siwon withers and lets his head drop to his arms on the table. Shindong laughs, all tension dissipated. "So, this is clearly bothering you a lot," he needlessly observes. Siwon nods his head without lifting it up, and Shindong takes pity on him. "Alright, I'll try to tone it down. Or maybe I'll do like you said and just sprinkle in other kinds of jokes. No one likes a one-trick pony anyway."

Siwon peeks up through his eyelashes, and Shindong nods faux-sagely. "And maybe in the future when I'm rich and can afford therapy, I'll find out you're right and my brand of humour was simply a defense mechanism for some deeply internalised fatphobia all along. Then you could say, 'I told you so.'"

Siwon shakes his head resolutely. "That's not something I want to be right about."

Shindong shrugs in a 'suit yourself' manner and goes back to eating, and Siwon follows suit.

After a stretch of companionable silence, Siwon speaks up again. "I knew you're fat—I know it—but I don't think I understood that being fat was a part of you. Thank you for giving me a chance to understand you better. I thought I was intervening in something unhealthy, but I see now that that wasn't as righteous as I thought it was." He pauses then and doesn't continue until Shindong looks up to meet his eyes. "I'm sorry if I came off as insensitive or, worse, embarrassed. You don't embarrass me, Donghee."

Shindong looks back down at his food, unsure of what the emotion is in Siwon's voice as the other said his real name. "I know, but thank you."

~~~

Shindong is everything he didn't know he needs.

As the school year progresses, Siwon finds himself feeling lighter and lighter, and he can trace all of his growing juvenescence directly to his new best friend.

Shindong values hard work. The other guys are great at their own things, but they're missing that fire under their butts that makes them actually try. Shindong doesn't just put in the effort; he also appreciates the challenge and sees it as an opportunity instead. Shindong empowers Siwon to embrace his own challenges in a way that he didn't feel like he could do until Shindong came around.

Shindong tries new things. Siwon is a rather adventurous guy himself, but that's not what he means. Shindong picks up and drops hobbies as quickly as Heechul switches partners, and he's amassed a great wealth of knowledge as a result. He's dynamic, and Siwon could never get bored of the way Shindong talks about his niche interest du jour.

Shindong speaks his mind. His friend group is made up of some pretty lax guys, which is great until some of them get into an argument. They never really talk things out, instead waiting until it's no longer annoying to be in the same room and just choosing to let it go. When Shindong is offended, you'll know. When he's wrong, he'll admit it. It does lead to some tension at first, but they all end up better for it as a result, and Siwon wishes he could be that brave.

Shindong trusts him. When Siwon was planning on hosting the guys over at his house for Kangin's birthday since he has an indoor pool and hot tub, Shindong shyly asked him to think of something else because he's afraid of water. That was a request Siwon was more than happy to oblige if it meant including Shindong in the festivities.

Shindong doesn't need him to be 'on' all the time. One time Kangin invited himself over to one of their hangouts—he and Shindong had planned to read the newspaper together to catch up on current events and financial affairs—and he got bored and complained that they should do something more fun. Before Siwon could worry Shindong felt the same way, the other had sassily defended their brand of bonding and just told Kangin to leave if he didn't like it. Siwon loves the fact that Shindong cherishes that quiet time together as much as he does.

Siwon thinks he maybe just loves Shindong.

~~~

Shindong slides into the seat beside Siwon in their first shared class of the day just as he slides an envelope across Siwon's desk. The envelope happens to have the same seal as the university into which Siwon is planning on matriculating. They offered him a spot on the varsity basketball team and sponsored on-campus living, and Mama Choi didn't raise no fool.

Siwon raises an eyebrow in interest, and Shindong simply points at the envelope with his chin. Siwon takes that as the invitation it is, and he pulls out the letter inside.

Congratulations, Donghee! You have been accepted…

Siwon whips his head up to look at Shindong, who has the largest shit-eating grin on his face.

They need to talk about this. Now.

"Seonsaengnim!" Siwon abruptly interrupts the teacher's lecture with his hand straight in the air. He ignores all the eyes that turn to him in shock. "Donghee isn't feeling too well. Can I take him to the nurse?"

All attention shifts to Shindong, who improvises in stride. "Ughhhhhnnnn," he groans pitifully, slouching over on his desk for added effect.

"Very well, then," the teacher waves off. Siwon stands up and bows hastily before half-guiding, half-dragging Shindong out the door. "Awwwwwwgggggghhhh," Shindong keeps up the ruse as he stumbles out, affecting delirium.

Once they're out of sight from the doorway, they run down the halls until they reach the bathroom, trying without success to contain their giggles along the way. "Couldn't give me a head's up back there?" Shindong teases as he sits on the edge of a sink, lightly panting.

"Couldn't give me a head's up that you were applying to my university?" Siwon punches Shindong's shoulder, acting affronted, but he swoops in for a bone-crushing hug immediately afterwards.

Shindong awkwardly returns the hug. (Siwon pinning his arms to his side means he can only reach Siwon's elbows.) His voice is quiet when he says, "My hopes were already up. I didn't want to get yours up, too."

Siwon gets it, so he lets it and Shindong go. The excited smile stays on his face, though. "Are you gonna go?"

"I don't know, man. They gave me a scholarship, but that just brings the tuition cost down to the same price as the local uni. I'd still have to get a job or a work-study to help offset the costs; and on top of that, I'd be so far away from home…"

"... But you're willing to go through all that just to keep going to the same school as me?" Siwon offers cheekily, squashing that incredibly light feeling in his chest with humour.

Shindong rolls his eyes. "I was gonna say, 'But all that is doable, and hey, at least you'll be there for me to mooch off of,'" he says with an attitude, but the corners of his lips quirk up at the end.

"You're right. I'll be there for you," Siwon affirms. Something about the serious way he said that makes Shindong feel like he's missing something, but he brushes it off. He was a little nervous about going so far away for school, but he has a feeling he'll be fine with Siwon around.

~~~

Siwon sidles up to Heechul, who casually throws his arm around the newcomer's shoulders despite the height difference. "How's my favourite wallet doing?" Heechul teases.

They're the only two to share this free period, and they often spend it outside, chatting, listening to music, doing homework, whatever. This time, Siwon finds Heechul leaning against a wall and people-watching.

"What's your read on Shindong?" Siwon asks as casually as possible. He's hoping he doesn't need to explain further, and luckily Heechul doesn't need clarification. Heechul knows what Siwon means.

He also knows: "Give up before it's too late."

Siwon's hopes plummet. "Really?" he asks, face and voice coloured by obvious disappointment.

Heechul looks over at Siwon and realises it is, in fact, too late for the other. His heart clenches for his long-time friend, and Heechul finds himself equivocating out of a need to assuage him. "Maybe I'm wrong for once. Like, what do I know? I'm just 18."

Siwon tries on a bright smile. "Yeah, maybe. There's gotta be a first time for everything, right, hyung?"

But now is not one of those times, and Heechul knows it. "Don't say I didn't warn you, though." He tries on a reassuring grin and a friendly knock on Siwon's shoulder.

He knows it looks more like a grimace, and he knows Siwon is ignoring that. He just doesn't know how long it'll take before Siwon's heart breaks.

He may not have had Heechul's fullest support, but Siwon has spent Too Many days thinking about this to go back now. It took long enough as it is to even get to this point; but if he's being honest with himself, he knew it was only a matter of time.

He finds his opportunity on their way home from school the week before showtime.

"Shindong, wanna go to prom with me?" "What?"

Shindong gives him a look so incredulous, Siwon is reminded of one of those dogs with smushed faces. The thought makes him smile even though his heart feels simultaneously too heavy and too fast.

"Should I, um, should I repeat myself?" he asks while trying to hide his shaking hands by grabbing onto his backpack straps.

"I'm just… so confused. Didn't Kwon Boa ask you to prom yesterday? Did she dump you already? What did you do?!"

In truth, Siwon turned her down as soon as she asked him, but saying that now would be unhelpful for his purposes.

"Even if you did somehow fuck up your chance with the prettiest, most sought-after girl in school, you still could ask literally anyone to be your date? Why would you go the friend route for prom? It's not even a valid Plan Z," Shindong continues.

Siwon pouts. "If I can ask anyone, why can't I ask you?"

Shindong is unimpressed, and Siwon wavers in his conviction. He wasn't originally going to tell him, but…

This could be it. This could be his chance to confess to Shindong.

There's always the chance that Shindong would reject him, of course. He'd probably use Siwon's own technique against him, too; that would be pretty pathetic. Then he'd promise that this wouldn't affect their friendship, except it will because he'll be too awkward around Siwon; and slowly but surely, he'd pull away from the other until Siwon finds himself at university, alone and painfully aware of how close he is to his best friend who is completely out of reach—oh God, of course he can't confess to Shindong.

The aforementioned snaps his fingers in Siwon's face, and Siwon resolutely sticks to his plan. He throws a casual arm around Shindong's shoulder and forces them to keep walking. "I heard from the seniors before us that prom's more fun with friends anyway. Why go with some girl I don't know when I can go with you?"

"Siwon, I know you're lying to me."

"What?" Siwon's step falters.

"We're best friends, of course I know." Besides the fact that Siwon is unconsciously telegraphing, the other guys have found dates already. Siwon would have brought it up with all of them if he really wanted to go with friends.

Siwon bites his bottom lip, waiting for whatever fallout comes from his decision to open this can of worms.

Shindong sighs and slips his hand into Siwon's. He's learned touching helps. "It also means I know when to let it go. I'll go to prom with you, flower boy."

Siwon cannot contain himself. "HE SAID YES!" he yells into the sky as he runs around, hooting and hollering in unadulterated jubilation.

Shindong shakes his head with annoyed fondness as he continues walking home, expecting Siwon to catch up with him once he's tired out.

(And it turns out Siwon's seniors were right: prom is a lot more fun with friends.)

~~~

Their final hurrah takes place at the height of the summer. Between family vacations and Siwon moving in early for the summer basketball bootcamp the university is making him attend, it's the only time they'll have where all five are available before the fall comes and scatters them away.

Siwon's family lets them borrow one of their cars for the day, and they make the maknae drive them all the way to the beach as early as they could go (read: as early as Kangin could wake up). The day progresses with plenty of frisbee on the sand, frolicking in the sea, and flirting at the food shacks. The ever present feeling that this may be the last time all of them are gathered together in a long time is never lost on any of them, so they make the most of every moment, earning them unheeded glares from the lifeguard on duty.

Sunset finds them around a small bonfire near the surf. To no one's surprise, Kangin managed to lift some beers from his parents, so they drink as they talk and watch the embers float up into the gradually darkening sky. Gone with the sun is the high energy from the day, leaving behind a calmer and more contemplative atmosphere.

Heechul speaks up after a comfortable stretch of silence. "So, I already know what those two fogies are doing come fall," he says while pointing to where Siwon and Shindong sit on opposite sides of the fire, "but what about you guys?" he directs towards Kangin and Kibum. "All I know is that college really isn't the cards for you."

Kibum ducks his head shyly. "I, uh, made it past the first round of auditions at MS Entertainment."

"WHAT?!" "Like, the MS Entertainment!?" "Um, when was this?!" "You're thinking of joining the entertainment industry?"

The last question surprisingly comes from Siwon, and the other guys shoot him a look. Siwon lifts his hands up in defense. "It's just that, Kibum, I've never even heard you sing."

Kibum shakes his head. "No, I wanna be an actor. I realised it after I missed out on auditions for the school play. For just a few hours a day, it'll be nice to pretend I'm not me. I think I could be really good at it if I got the chance." The guys nod, knowing very well how Kibum struggles to be and express himself without pretense.

"I can't wait to see you on TV one day, man," Shindong says with a smile. "If you book a commercial, I am buying one thousand units of whatever you're selling. I don't care what it is. I'll end up with a thousand pairs of jeans if I must," Kangin jokes.

Kibum grins appreciatively and nods towards Kangin in turn. "What about you, then?"

Kangin puffs out his chest with pride. "I'm gonna start at a baseball development camp out in Gangwon. If I work hard and play my cards right, I might get recruited at one of the farm teams in the Futures League. It would be awesome if I got into one of the Seoul clubs, just so I could stay close to home."

Shindong smirks. "Okay, let's say you had to go to a southern team. Which one would you pick? 1, 2, 3…"

"The Dinos."

Heechul barks out a laugh. "If you think I'd go all the way to fuckin' Changwon just to see your sorry ass… Well, a bitch might."

Siwon quirks an eyebrow. "Oh, yeah? What is the self-proclaimed biggest star in the universe, the Great Kim Heechul, doing instead?"

"Whatever it takes, man," Heechul says with a snort. "I'll get some part time jobs here, travel a little there… Just figure life out as it comes."

Kibum nods, well-acquainted with Heechul's myself-against-the-world attitude. Shindong, for his part, tries his best to offer a smile without looking pitying. He can't help but feel like Heechul is making his life harder for himself than it has to be—but now's not the time, and neither is he the person, for that conversation.

Kangin counters, "You might find yourself in Gyeongsang anyway then, hyung."

"Yeah; and if you were paying attention to me, you would have known I acknowledged that already, dumbass. Clean the wax outta your ears."

"How about I clean your clock instead!" Kangin yells as he launches at Heechul, and they start wrestling in the sand.

Shindong watches, reveling in the familiarity of the moment, and thinks about how close he was to not having any of this. "When I first moved here, I was pretty sure I was gonna spend the school year alone." The words come out of his mouth without prompting; but now that they're out, he finds he actually has something to say.

The boys turn their attention to him, Kangin and Heechul halting their bickering and sitting in place where they found themselves on the sand, and Shindong continues. "You know. I was the new kid, I was only able to afford the school because of my scholarship, I'm fat. If life were like a TV show, that wouldn't have been the most successful combination of factors." He quirks the corners of his lips up in a wane half-smile, then turns his gaze from the fire to the earnest faces of his friends. "But I met you guys, and nothing happened like I thought it would. Thanks for giving me a chance."

"Aish," Kangin says as he gets up and moves back towards the group. He stops behind Siwon and places a hand on his shoulder. "Don't thank us; thank this guy. He texted us one day all, 'I invited the new kid to sit with us at lunch tomorrow. Try not to be dicks.' If it weren't for him, I probably would have pushed you into the lockers once or twice just for fun."

"I probably would have helped," Kibum says with a shrug.

"I probably would have filmed it," Heechul pipes up.

Siwon waves their comments away with good humour. "You guys aren't that mean. Maybe you would have slapped the books out of his hands, but that's really it."

"Maybe we aren't mean now, but that's because you made us soft. Remember when I made Go-seonsaengnim cry in freshman year just with a glare?"

The conversation readily turns to their early high school memories, which Shindong would normally have loved hearing about, but his attention is elsewhere.

The dim light afforded by the fire casts impermanent shadows on Siwon's face that alternately highlight his boyish features and give him the appearance of a grown man. Shindong watches this and feels like he's seeing the present blurring into the future before his very eyes, and he finds it especially poignant that Siwon is the focal point of that illusion considering his role in changing Shindong's own life.

He's going to miss his friends and the gentle feeling of home he managed to cultivate for himself among them, but at least he won't have to miss Siwon.

~~~

College is harder than Shindong thought it would be, but it's easier in other ways too. He plays the first semester safe (he's not trying to get his scholarship revoked before the first year is over, thank you very much); but when the second semester comes around, he knows what liberties he can take with himself to have more fun without sacrificing his studies.

So when the volleyball team holds a party and invites the basketball team, Siwon offers his plus one to Shindong, and he double-checks that he doesn't have a shift at the campus mailroom the next day… well, he doesn't say no.

It isn't the first time he's gotten drunk (there's no way you could be in Siwon's friend group for a year without sustaining at least one hangover); but after a whole semester and winter of working and studying practically non-stop, the lack of inhibitions feels better than it ever had before.

Siwon is far more drunk, however. He is as clingy as ever, introducing Shindong to all of his basketball friends (and even some strangers) and constantly slurring "I miss youuu" into his ears.

He would hate it except he loves it. He misses the guy, too, after all.

"Shindong! Let's go see the stars!"

Siwon drags Shindong to the backyard of the house holding the party, no less noisy but definitely less crowded. He happily settles down onto one of the logs around an unlit bonfire and pats the space next to him in a clear invitation. The happy grin on his face is replaced with a pout when Shindong decides to sit on a different log just to tease him, but that doesn't stop him. Siwon just moves to Shindong's log and cuddles into his friend's side, enjoying the warm feeling spreading inside him. Is it the beer or the company? In any case, it's the most cosy he's felt since school started.

Siwon chances a glance upwards at Shindong. Not for the first time, he cannot help but notice how soft the other looks in the moonlight. His cheeks always look so fluffy and pinchable, but Siwon has never wanted to hold Shindong's face more than he does right now.

When he notices that Shindong notices that he is looking at him, Siwon is just drunk enough to hold his gaze.

Siwon is just drunk enough to move his face forward, as slow as the movement ends up being. Maybe that's because he's drunk, too. He's definitely not sober enough to stop.

Then he's drunk in a different way, because Shindong is the one to bring their lips together.

The moment is perfect, even more perfect than Siwon had ever dreamed of—and oh, did he dream. In the back of his mind, he thinks about going to church three times a week from now on to thank God for this blessing.

He wants to deepen the kiss, he wants to lean closer, he wants to touch—but just as he thinks about doing any of that, Shindong pulls away with a giggle. Siwon laughs too, giddy and uninhibited as he is. He reaches for Shindong's hand and wonders how long the other has felt the same way as he did.

The hand for which Siwon had been reaching escapes to throw a bro-y, friendly punch into Siwon's shoulder. Siwon is mildly confused, but nothing can wipe the smile from his face now. He just kissed Shindong! Is right now too soon to be calling each other boyfriends?

"That wasn't so bad, right?" Shindong says as he looks back up at the sky.

Uh, right. Understatement of the century. That was amazing, stupendous, earth-shattering, future-defining—

Shindong keeps talking. "Not exactly how I thought that was gonna happen, but there's no planning for these sorts of things anyway. What's college for if not experimenting and cutting loose?"

Siwon's lovestruck internal monologue stutters to a stop. "What?"

"Don't get me wrong, you're the prettiest guy I know—full stop—but if kissing you doesn't make me feel something, then I definitely must be straight." Shindong starts cackling then, like he said the funniest joke in the world.

Siwon's hearing fails him, but all he can think about now is how badly he wants to rewind time.

He wants to go back to before he knew what Shindong's lips felt like.

He wants to go back to before he had the first drink.

He wants to go back to before he even met Shindong.

"I gotta go," he manages to say, crushed as he is under the weight of the guilt he felt when that last thought traitorously passed through his head.

Shindong laughs harder when he watches Siwon stumble away. Poor guy must be so drunk. He might not even make it to the bathroom in time.

~~~

Avoiding Shindong isn't as hard as one would think. They're different majors. They live in different residence halls. He has the basketball team too, and Shindong was never the kind of person that keeps up with all his friends' activities anyway. A little "Sorry, I'm meeting someone for a project" here, a little "Sorry, Coach is slamming us with extra practise" there, and a whole semester passes by without spending extended time with his best friend and—he's not afraid to say it now—the love of his young life.

And that's exactly why he needs to avoid Shindong. He can't face Shindong casually right now—not when the only thing that will be occupying his mind is the look on Shindong's face immediately before, not when his palms itch to touch the other's cheeks so he can fold that feeling into his memory. He can't know what it's like to kiss Shindong and not be able to kiss him again.

So he's depressed, he's lonely, and he's irritable—exactly the kind of mindset you want to be in when you meet someone new.

"Hi, I don't think we really talked before," the lanky kid says as he stands up straight from where he was leaning beside the open door to Siwon's room. "I'm Hyukjae, but my friends call me Eunhyuk. I live down the hall." He points over his shoulder with his thumb as if Siwon didn't know which hall he was referring to, and the gesture immediately gets on his nerves.

Siwon glares at him, and the guy—Hyukjae; they're not friends—smiles a wide, gummy grin. "Sorry to bother you like this, but I noticed you were taking your stuff to your car. Are you packing your things into storage for the summer?" Siwon nods mutely, unsure where the other is going with this and approximately three seconds away from blowing him off.

"Listen, I have, like," he pauses to rummage around in his pockets and count the pieces of paper he pulls out, "10000 won on me right now. If I give you that and pay for gas and—I don't know—buy you dinner afterwards, would you help me move mine into storage too?"

Siwon's glare turns incredulous, which makes Hyukjae facepalm. "Oh! And of course I would help you move your stuff. That's a given. Although… you certainly don't look like you need the help."

At this last statement, Eunhyuk gives him a quick once over, and Siwon bristles. This whole situation is really grating on him. Why did this guy look at him like that? Why does it bother him that he did? Why is he supremely against this mildly reasonable request?

(Well, he knows why, and that's only adding to his frustration.)

Hyukjae senses how close Siwon is to turning tail, so he resorts to drastic measures. "Bro, help me out," he begs as he clasps his hands and falls to his knees. "I live all the way out in Ilsan, and I don't have a car. I would be, like, super indebted to you!"

"Ilsan isn't that far away," Siwon points out unimpressedly.

"Indebted!"

He stares at the boy's pout, the hands grasping cumbled bills of won, and the mullet-esque hair and thinks he might actually be more pathetic than even Siwon feels these days.

"... Alright."

Siwon ignores the other's resulting cheers as he returns to his task. He figures that the sooner he gets this over with, the faster he can go back home for the summer.

~~~

Like Siwon said, Ilsan isn't that far away.

As in, he and Hyukjae didn't have the worst time together while moving their stuff, Hyukjae decided they are now friends, and Hyukjae commutes into Seoul every other weekend to pester Siwon into hanging out with him.

In the beginning, he had no problems brushing the other off. Hyukjae isn't bad people necessarily, but he's a brat.

Case in point: The first time he actually agreed to hang out, Hyukjae forgot his wallet and Siwon begrudgingly paid for their excursions that day. Hyukjae hasn't brought his wallet with him since.

After that first time, however, it became harder and harder to turn Hyukjae down. He's depressed, he's lonely, he's irritable—but somehow none of that has pushed Hyukjae away yet. Against his better judgement, Siwon cannot help but be drawn to the individual who is experiencing the worst Siwon has to offer and chooses to spend time with him anyway. It's… nice.

The summer proceeds like that: Eunhyuk having a new hare-brained adventure haphazardly planned for the day, Siwon's wallet finding itself thousands of won lighter each time, and Siwon slowly getting out of his funk and coming back to himself.

Even as the summer draws to a close and their event options dwindle down, Eunhyuk manages to find something for them to do. A couple of weeks before they're set to move back in for the beginning of the next school year, Eunhyuk takes Siwon to a trendy new pop-up cafe in Itaewon.

Siwon likes it. It's lively but not too loud, the food isn't half bad, and the interior is fresh-looking without being overly cute.

He doesn't say any of this though, mostly because Eunhyuk isn't really saying anything either.

It's a testament to how much he feels like his old self again that he strongly considers asking the other what's wrong. Old Siwon wouldn't have hesitated. New Siwon rationalises if something is really bothering the other, Eunhyuk would say something himself.

He's halfway through his cheesecake when Eunhyuk lets his fork clatter to his plate. "Siwon, there's never gonna be a good time or a good way to say this, so I'm just gonna say it. I like you."

Well, of course Eunhyuk likes him. He basically spent the whole summer with Siwon. The surprising part here is that Siwon means it when he says, "I like you, too."

Eunhyuk's eyes do something funny, then he shakes his head. "No, like—" He stops, takes a deep breath, and on the exhale he says, "Wanna go on a date with me?"

"... Oh."

And then Siwon's senses shift. His heart beat speeds up just a fraction more than it had been before Eunhyuk began talking, but he can't hear the crowd of the cafe anymore. Everything behind Eunhyuk's determined, hopeful face blurs into a mess of colours and light. When he swallows, he still has the aftertaste of the strawberry syrup from the cheesecake on his tongue.

"Um, okay," is all he says, but he can feel his lips tug upward in a small grin without his direction.

Siwon is greeted with a gummy smile, familiar yet new, and he cannot help but focus in on the revealed shade of pink.

~~~

Honestly, he forgets about Siwon.

There's only so many times he can get blown off before he stops trying to reach out in the first place, you know? Then midterms came around, then it was finals season, then he was too wrapped up in trying to find an on-campus job for the summer so that he wouldn't have to waste money and time moving out of his residence hall… Before he knows it, it's been a year since he and the guys had their beach day, and he uncomfortably realises he can't remember the last time he spoke to Siwon. Was it at that party in the beginning of last semester? That can't be right.

And yet, for a reason he cannot explain, he doesn't immediately reach out to Siwon first.

He starts off with Kangin, who hasn't made it to a team yet but has met with several scouts already and believes it's just a matter of time. Heechul answers him in English, of all things, and he has to use a translation app to find out that Heechul spent seven months in Australia as a freelance Hangul-speaking museum guide before coming back to South Korea to work at a brewery out in Jeju-do. When he texts Kibum asking if Kangin had made good on his promise to buy 100 units of whatever his latest commercial was selling, Kibum simply says, "lol."

Finally, the only one left is Siwon. Shindong is weirdly anxious to talk to him again, but he firmly pushes that aside.

He tries a text at first; but after two days with no response, he ups the ante.

"Hello?"

"Siwon-ah!" he cheers into the receiver. It had been so long since he heard Siwon's voice, and just the sound of it lifts his mood.

"Shindong-hyung, you called me." Siwon's voice sounds incredulous, and it makes him laugh. They're not people for phone calls, admittedly. It wasn't necessary back when they spent almost all their waking moments together.

"Hey, if you had just texted me back, I wouldn't have had to resort to such drastic measures."

Silence, then chuckles on the other end of the line. "Yeah, that one's on me, isn't it? I did that thing where I read it but only replied to it in my head."

Shindong waits for more, but Siwon doesn't continue from there. "So, um, what's been up with you lately?" he asks stiltedly. He frowns; he and Siwon don't do small talk. He tries again, "Did I mention I'm on campus for the summer? I got a job as the front desk guy at the Alumni Office. It has its boring moments, but at least I didn't have to move out of the dorms. I know some of the guys on my floor even rented a storage unit so that they wouldn't have to move back and forth with their stuff, which is just… so far beyond my budget right now, haha."

Siwon makes a funny noise like he choked on his own spit. "Siwon?!" Shindong calls concernedly into the line.

"It's fine, hyung," Siwon croaks out. "Listen, you kinda caught me at a bad time. I'd love to talk more, but I gotta go."

"Oh, sure," Shindong says in surprise. "See you when the school year starts up again, yeah?"

He holds onto the phone tightly. He doesn't know what he's wanting to hear exactly, but he waits in anticipation for Siwon's response anyway.

"Yeah, of course. See you later, Shindong."

The line clicks silent, and Shindong doesn't let himself read into it. Like Siwon said, it was just a bad time.

~~~

The new school year isn't terribly different from the previous one, but Siwon likes what it brings. He's still balancing the basketball team and classes, but he has Eunhyuk now. Eunhyuk introduces him to his best friend Donghae, and college starts feeling less like something happening to him and more like something he's living.

Early into the new semester finds the three of them grabbing lunch on campus, Siwon and Eunhyuk playing footsie under the table and ignoring Donghae's gags in the background. They're not really talking about anything important, so the conversation is easily derailed by the sound of someone hollering from across the student union.

"Siwon! Ya, Siwon!"

Siwon temporarily freezes. He didn't expect to hear that voice again so soon. He can feel his face do something funny as his body and his mind fight for control over what to do. He wants to play it cool; he wants to ignore the voice; but more than anything, he wants to see Shindong again. He has ever since the summer.

He listens to that part and turns around in his seat to wave. The sight of Shindong's eyes scrunched up in happy half-moons behind his thick-rimmed glasses makes his heart ache even as his body relaxes from tension he didn't know he was carrying. He misses Shindong.

"Siwon, you brat! I didn't hear from you much this summer, and I barely saw you last semester!" Shindong laughs jovially before turning to the other two at the table, and Siwon is surprised to remember they were there. "Hey, I'm Donghee, but you've probably heard this guy call me Shindong. Mind if I join you?"

Siwon eagerly motions for Shindong to grab a chair, and Donghae says, "Hey, Donghee. I'm Donghae." as if it were the most clever observation in the world.

Siwon eyes Shindong's politely amused grin and cannot help but laugh. God, he forgot how funny Shindong could be even when he isn't trying. The other brings a seat over to their table and chats pleasantly with Donghae, and Siwon takes the moment to take in the changes in his best friend.

His face is slightly less pudgy, but the puffy round cheeks Siwon loves so much are fully on display. He has a tiny ponytail sticking straight up from the crown of his fluffy hair, and it reminds Siwon of elementary schoolers on picture day in a way that warms his heart. He notices the suspenders and khakis combination that the other is wearing and remembers how hard it was for Shindong to get used to not having to wear a uniform to school anymore. It seems he finally settled on something that worked for him, as nerdy as it ended up looking. (Somehow, that is endearing, too.)

"Siwon, what's your weekend look like? We should do something, just you and me. Grab some newspapers, eat gyoza, catch up. You in?"

Siwon would like nothing more and almost automatically agrees. Luckily, before he could land himself in hot water with his excitement, his brain supplies that he and Eunhyuk were supposed to picnic in the park this weekend. He flicks his eyes over to his boyfriend, asking without words if he could go.

Eunhyuk nods, so Siwon says yes, and it feels like a piece of him that was asleep finally wakes up.

~~~

They're best friends again in no time.

Sure, there were some awkward instances when Shindong or Siwon would refer to memories that the other wasn't there for in a stilted reminder that there is time lost between them, but they easily catch each other up and fall back into old habits. Their lives intertwine in the seamless way they did back in high school, and Siwon's heart feels so full.

He can't help but ignore the red flags as a result. The more active he and Shindong are in each other's lives, the more he is aware of the fact that Shindong does not know the full extent of his relationship with Eunhyuk; and he admits he has made small—inconsequentially, really—concessions to keep it that way.

He's starting to suspect that Eunhyuk knows something is up, too. It brings him a little bit of guilt, but it's not like he's completely avoiding his boyfriend (been there, done that). Besides, the other hasn't said anything. He even invites Siwon over one weekend, so Siwon figures he probably hasn't messed up too badly yet.

When cuddling on the bed with legs intertwined while watching a movie turns into roaming fingertips and forgotten laptops droning on in the background, Siwon feels content like never before.

"Why does it feel like it's been forever since I kissed you?" he murmurs into Eunhyuk's hair afterwards, planting a kiss right there and embracing his boyfriend closer to his chest. He'd love to fall asleep like this…

But then Eunhyuk gently releases himself from Siwon's hold and sits upright in bed. "I have a feeling it has to do with how Donghee is hanging out with us a lot now," he says as he pulls his clothes back on.

Siwon's disappointment clears when his mind, unbidden, conjures up the memory of Shindong's reaction when he caught Heechul rounding second base with his date when they all went to the movies together one time. "Yeah, Shindong isn't big on PDA," he says as he follows Eunhyuk's lead.

"Sure, but I'm your boyfriend," Eunhyuk emphasises. "Hand-holding, kissing… stuff like that is pretty typical for most couples. He knows what he would be getting into when he hangs out with us, and he still shows up. Doesn't seem to me like it would really bother him."

Siwon's movement falters. So Eunhyuk has noticed. "I guess I'm just trying to be a little courteous," he hurries to say, the not-quite-a-lie sitting heavy on his tongue. "He doesn't know you yet, and I don't want to give my best friend any reason to dislike my boyfriend."

Siwon puts on his most convincing, disarming grin, and it somehow makes things worse. "You know, it's funny," Eunhyuk begins with light tone absolutely lacking in amusement, "Donghee's supposedly your best friend, but I haven't even heard of him before this semester. It's clear he hasn't heard of me either. Wanna explain why?"

Siwon frowns at the accusation. "He is my best friend." He may not have acted like it for a while there, but that fact will never change. It's just… "We weren't really, ah, talking much at around the time you and I met." He wants to stop there, but Eunhyuk raises an expectant eyebrow. "Um, remember that time in the student union? That was, sorta, the first time we had spoken in eight months."

The admission completely melts all of Eunhyuk's cold and angry tension, and the sight makes him even more antsy for some reason. Siwon is acutely aware that he didn't answer the entirety of his boyfriend's question, but the other is already moving on.

"You get why I'm bothered, right?" Eunhyuk asks as he sits back on the bed, and yes, Siwon does finally start to get how bothered the other really is. He's never seen Eunhyuk so despondent before. His entire being radiates tired sadness, and Siwon realises with a pang that he did that to him."This guy that I've never met before just shows up one day, and my boyfriend starts acting completely different around him!" Eunhyuk's pout has a chilling effect on Siwon without the hint of flirtation to which he was so accustomed, and Siwon has him wrapped up in a side-hug as if on autopilot. Eunhyuk happily cuddles into the embrace and lays his head on Siwon's shoulder, but Siwon barely notices, too consumed by the weight spreading all over his body.

He's fucked up.

He hasn't been going about this correctly at all, and it's hurting his boyfriend, and that hurts him, and he's fucked up.

He stands abruptly. "I gotta go."

"What?"

Siwon can barely hear the shocked hurt in his boyfriend's voice, he's so preoccupied with the immense and all-consuming guilt that weighs down his limbs. He can't get out of the apartment fast enough. He needs space; he needs more room so that terrible feeling that is expanding within him has somewhere else to go.

"Siwon, where are you going?!" Eunhyuk hurries after him and manages to intercept Siwon before he could open the door. If he were more himself, he'd chuckle at how his boyfriend, 9 centimetres shorter and 5 kilograms lighter, is trying to bodily prevent him from leaving; but in his state, even a feather could knock Siwon over.

"There's something you're not telling me, and I'm not letting you leave the apartment until you do. What is going on between you and Donghee?" he demands.

"Nothing!" Siwon despairs, and it's the truth.

"Why are you lying to me!"

"I've never lied to you," and that is also the truth.

"But you are keeping something from me." There's nothing Siwon can say to that, so he fidgets where he stands. Eunhyuk laughs mirthlessly. "And it's related to Donghee, too, isn't it? How long did you think you could go without telling me, huh? Did you think I wouldn't notice?!"

Siwon is still in flight mode, his brain is still foggy, so he latches onto the only coherent thought he has just so that he can respond to Eunhyuk. "Why don't you call him Shindong?"

Eunhyuk seizes in incredulous frustration. "Can you focus!? That is so beyond the point!"

Siwon closes his eyes and rubs his hands down his face in resigned acknowledgement. Yes, that was the wrong thing to say. "Hyuk, I'm sorry but… I really, really have to go. I need some time; I need to think. You deserve better than the first thought that pops into my head, but I can't give you that right here, right now."

Eunhyuk's shiny eyes are devastating even under the fluorescent glare of his apartment lights, and Siwon's heart urges him to do something. He steps forward, arms outstretched, but Eunhyuk steps out of his reach. "No, please," he says simply. He hastily wipes away the tears that pool at the rim of his eyes and looks anywhere but at Siwon. "When you touch me, I feel better even when I don't want to."

Siwon lets his arms fall back to his side. The need to leave wars with his need to comfort, so he does nothing.

Eunhyuk sniffles once, twice, then says, "Whenever something happens to me—big or small, bad or good—you've become the first person I wanna tell it to. Nothing feels real until I've told you about it." He hugs himself and turns away. "But you don't even want to talk to me."

Eunhyuk walks back to his room and lightly closes the door behind him, a silent cue for Siwon to leave. When he finally does several moments later, the image of Eunhyuk rejecting his touch replays in his mind, and his heart rebels with every step.

~~~

With time and distance, Siwon realises a lot of things about himself.

He's always wanted his first real relationship to be with someone he shared a lot with, someone he didn't have to force himself to spend time with or get to know, someone who made it all easy yet made the difficult parts worth it. He admits to himself that he always wanted his first real relationship to be with Shindong, but that evidently wasn't possible. Just when he had given up on that dream (and on himself), he found all of it and more in Eunhyuk, who literally showed up unannounced, bribed his way into Siwon's life, and pestered Siwon into letting him stay. Without knowing any of the details and without asking any questions, Eunhyuk managed to shake Siwon out of the depressive episode he was in simply by being himself. The warm excitement that coloured their days together were noted but taken for granted, and the cold emptiness that replaces it in the aftermath of their fight is frighteningly familiar. He regrets that it took the undeniable pain that can only come from heartbreak for him to realise that he had fallen in love with Eunhyuk, but at least he knows now.

He also now knows he's a coward.

He was a coward back in senior year when he couldn't tell Shindong why he asked the other to prom, he was a coward last semester when he cut Shindong out of his life for accidentally breaking his heart, and he's a coward now.

With Shindong is back in his life, Siwon thought he could somehow keep both his past love and his current love in the exact ways he wanted them without having to have any uncomfortable conversations, that the two of them would get along fabulously, and that Siwon's happiness would simply fall into place.

He also now knows he's an idiot.

Siwon has always prided himself on being a man of action. He had enough time and distance to reflect, recalibrate, and reload, so it is time for him to gather his courage and react.

He texts Shindong to do homework together at his place then immediately goes out to buy some food just to have something to do with the nervous energy that buzzes within him. He even buys snacks that he knows only Shindong likes because he needs every advantage he can get. He returns with no less pent-up energy than with which he started, so he sets to cleaning the whole apartment. He even attempts to do his homework to distract himself before he remembers homework is the ruse he told Shindong to lure the other over.

His nervous energy is apparent the second Shindong steps foot in the apartment. "Okay…" Shindong drags out as he plops his stuff onto the kitchen table that doubles as Siwon's desk. "Is there a major exam you're freaking out about or something? I can't promise I know anything, but I can promise to help you study."

Siwon lets a ghost of a smile cross his face, fondly remembering their intense study sessions back in high school that none of their friends were brave enough to join more than once. The memory passes, and he sighs. "No, it's not about class."

Shindong gestures. "Well? Out with it then. You know I'm just gonna leave if you're not gonna focus, and I really don't want to leave when there's an unopened pack of honey apple twists right there."

Honey apple twists are also Eunhyuk's favourite, so Siwon starts there.

"Eunhyuk is a man of questionable taste," Shindong pontificates as he munches on the newly opened snack. "He loves honey apple twists but hates seafood. He's best friends with Donghae but spends all his free time with you. What an enigma."

Siwon tries to chuckle, but it doesn't work. He takes a deep breath instead. He can't think of anything else to say except: "I think he's in love with me."

Shindong stops chewing. "What?"

"I think Eunhyuk and I spend a lot of time together because he's in love with me."

Shindong frowns, brows furrowed and looking genuinely upset. It takes Siwon aback for long enough that he gets distracted. "What?" he parrots.

"Dude, that's fucked up."

"What are you talking ab—"

"You can't just string him along like that! What is he gonna do when he finds out you don't like guys? Bro, if Heechul were here right now—actually, I'm just gonna call him because maybe you need to hear why that's fucked up from someone who gets it."

And there it was.

Every unspoken fear he'd ever had, every answer to his heartbreak, every problem he never solved.

He reaches out with his head down and gently stops Shindong's hand, halfway to dialling their high school friend whom Siwon hasn't spoken to since graduation. "I love him, in any case," he says to the ground.

Shindong lets his hand hold his phone in midair. "What?"

Siwon takes a breath, counts to three, and lifts his head to look Shindong in the eyes. "Shindong, Eunhyuk and I are dating. He's my boyfriend. He has been since the summer."

Shindong says nothing.

"I'm gay," Siwon says at last, so easily, because he knows that's not going to be the hardest confession of the night.

As soon as he says it, he can see the way so much clicks into place in Shindong's astute, masterful, beautiful mind.

"Is that why I haven't seen you since last semester," Shindong says instead of asks, "because you realised after our kiss and didn't want to tell me."

But not even Shindong can draw the correct conclusion when he isn't provided with every relevant fact. If he could, they would have cleared the air so long ago.

"No," Siwon says as he draws away, clasping his hands tight on his lap and wishing he could have told Eunhyuk he was gonna do this. He'd have said something to cheer Siwon up, and Siwon would remember that now, and it could give him courage. The only thing he has right now is the truth.

"No, that was because I was in love with you, and I realised you'd never love me back, and I needed time."

The silence that stretches out between them is awkward like no silence has ever been, even in the first few times they hung out again after reconnecting.

"For how long?" Shindong finally says.

Siwon tries to remember but finds he can't. It must have been one of those things that wasn't tied to any specific event, but a slow build until the whole of the structure was unmistakable. "Since the beginning, basically," he eventually settles on. "Not since the first day we met, no, but very, very close to it. I barely remember a time when I didn't know you and wasn't already in love with you."

"I see."

He finally looks at Shindong, who notices and meets his gaze for a moment before looking down at the table. In that one moment, Siwon could tell from Shindong's eyes that he can see now. He can tell the way Shindong is re-remembering every interaction they've ever had in a new light, and he simply waits. He has no more cards left to play.

Finally, Shindong looks back at him and says, "You should have told me. We should have talked about it. I could have been there for you."

Siwon smiles bittersweetly and looks away. "But not in the way I wanted you to be, and that's why I never said anything. No doubt, you would have absolutely been there. You would have been your funny, action-oriented, perfect self, within arms' reach but not mine for me to hold, and it would have broken me. Broken me worse than if you had dropped me as a friend completely."

Shindong is taken aback by the strength of Siwon's words, the seriousness with which he said them. "You must have been really in love with me."

Siwon turns the bittersweet smile to him then, tears shining in his eyes, and says, "So much. I loved you so much."

Shindong's heart breaks for his friend, his best friend, who suffered all alone and all on his account. He fiercely tugs Siwon into a hug and lets Siwon cry out every tear, every emotion, every everything from the last two years, all while murmuring "I'm sorry; I'm so, so sorry" into his friend's shoulder.

"For what it's worth, I loved you, too. I still do," he says when Siwon's tears subside into sniffles, but the younger is still clinging onto him. Shindong won't let go until he does.

"I know. I know you did, do. Me too," Siwon hiccups out.

With one last squeeze, he pulls away to give Shindong a watery but bright-eyed smile, and Shindong gives him one right back. The clock in the kitchen tells him they were only like that for seven minutes, but in that time it feels like they just relived every day of their entire friendship, finally on the same page.

"I'm in the mood for pizza," he says abruptly, reaching for his phone forgotten on the table. "Do you still like pineapples with yours?"

Siwon chuckles while wiping away some latent tears. "Please, yes. Eunhyuk won't let me eat that around him because 'it's gross American food,'" he says with air quotes.

"Maybe Eunhyuk is a man of taste after all," Shindong says as he waits for the phone to ring. He catches Siwon's eye just to sneer, "What's he doing dating you?"

Siwon laughs, a whole-belly laugh, and gets a second wind when Shindong calmly rattles off Siwon's own credit card number for the payment information.

~~~

It's been almost two weeks since Eunhyuk last spoke to Siwon, the memory of his boyfriend's face as he begged for time haunting his undistracted moments. He's busied himself with dance practice, homework, and even once tried accompanying Donghae to the gym just to get his mind off of how much more lonely he feels. It was pretty bad before when Eunhyuk was convincing himself that the way his boyfriend was pulling away was all in his head, but with confirmation from Siwon himself, it just got so much worse.

Donghee—He's not about to start calling him by that ridiculous nickname. The only thing Donghee is good at, as far as he's concerned, is ruining his mood—first came into the picture like spilled paint across a canvas: completely and all at once where before there was none. He showed up at group hangouts and even tagged along to his and Siwon's casual day dates, sometimes at Siwon's own behest!

Siwon also didn't touch Eunhyuk as much when Donghee was around, which is saying something because Siwon is literally the clingiest man in all of South Korea. To have such a gentle, romantic, constant aspect of his relationship almost completely stop without explanation… Of course Eunhyuk was lonely. The only thing that stopped him from saying something sooner was how undeniably happy Siwon was with Donghee back in his life, and Eunhyuk didn't want to ruin that for him.

But now it seems like their whole relationship is ruined instead, and the idea that this is how it all ends makes him even more miserable.

It is during one of these pessimistic slumps that he gets a text from Siwon that he, Donghae, and Donghee are working on the quad together. Siwon signs it with "I miss you 😘," and Eunhyuk's heart clenches. He misses Siwon too, but he's not really in the mood to watch him and Donghee together.

He realises he's not really in the mood to be alone right now either. He considers texting Donghae to fake some emergency so that he could be with Eunhyuk, but Donghae texts him first. "don't bail i promise."

The fact that Donghae, the only one who happens to know the full extent of Eunhyuk's insecurities and worries about the situation, is the one saying that piques his interest. If Donghae thinks it'll be safe for him, Eunhyuk will trust that.

He sees them before they see him, and it plays out slowly like a movie. They're all sitting in a quasi-circle on the grass in the middle of a laugh. The scene is so picturesque, and the jealous pang in his chest rings loud and true.

He almost turns on his heel right then and there, but Siwon notices him before he can.

Siwon's smile is bright and free, and he makes grabby hands for Eunhyuk like he hasn't in a while. Eunhyuk's feet carry him forward without him telling them to, and he has a feeling that was his heart leading. Despite it all, next to Siwon is where he wants to be.

He settles into the space by Siwon with a little unease, which dissipates completely when Siwon shifts them so that Eunhyuk is between his open legs and Siwon is giving him a cosy backhug. As much as he wants nothing else, Eunhyuk fights the urge to lean in, acutely aware of Donghee's presence.

"Siwon-ah." Eunhyuk squirms. "I'm 'Siwon-ah' now, not 'Siwonnie?'" He can hear Siwon's pout even as the other squeezes Eunhyuk to himself tighter. He puts a little more effort into escaping Siwon's embrace, but Siwon simply uses his legs to lock him in.

Eunhyuk laughs; he can't help it. He wiggles as frantically as possible—not to actually get out of Siwon's hold, just to give him a hard time trying to hold on—and Siwon playfully bites his ear to get him to stop. Eunhyuk lets out a mock gasp, prepared to do something drastic, when all of a sudden they both tumble onto the grass.

Eunhyuk looks up to see Donghee calmly returning to his spot, acting like he did nothing wrong and ignoring how Donghae assaults his back with amusement. "I've wanted to do that for forever!" Donghae cackles.

In embarrassment, he begins to sit up, but Siwon doesn't let him, instead pulling Eunhyuk back down and on top of him. He looks for the reason why in Siwon's eyes, and Siwon just gives him a small smile before leaning up to brush his lips against Eunhyuk's. It was a soft little thing, but it calms him down nevertheless.

He folds his hands on Siwon's chest and rests his head on top of them, facing the side where the other two weren't sitting. "I thought Shindong isn't big on PDA," he repeats, keeping his voice neutral but loud enough for Siwon to hear. In this position, he can hear Siwon's heartbeat as he plays with the collar of Siwon's shirt. He doesn't know what to make of its calm and strong cadence when he knows the other can feel his own heart rate spike in nervousness.

"You're my boyfriend, though," Siwon maintains, echoing their conversation from a week before with the roles noticeably reversed.

Eunhyuk jerks his head up to face the other. He doesn't think Siwon has called him his boyfriend in front of Donghee yet before.

Siwon must see something in his face because he reaches up to hold one of the hands on his chest and squeezes twice. I'm sorry about that, it says. We'll talk about everything later. Eunhyuk nods, looking at Siwon with so much trust in his eyes that Siwon smiles the same wide, happy grin that made Eunhyuk fall for him in the first place.

With a louder voice, Siwon says, "Besides, Shindong's a big guy. He'll find it within him to get over it."

"YA! DID YOU JUST MAKE A FAT JOKE ABOUT ME?!"

Siwon winks at Eunhyuk before sitting them upright and into a more casual cuddle, Eunhyuk against Siwon's side and Siwon's arm across Eunhyuk's shoulder.

Eunhyuk ignores the ensuing banter between Siwon, Shindong, and Donghae, instead looking up to observe his boyfriend. Siwon's different again, but in a good way, he decides. For the first time since they met, Siwon looks completely unburdened, completely secure.

And yet he's still here, holding Eunhyuk to him like he used to, which means whatever Siwon let go of, it wasn't him.

Eunhyuk knows they still have to talk, that there’s a lot of explaining Siwon has to do and a lot of confused pain he has to work through, but he also knows there's time for that now. Siwon isn't going anywhere; and neither is he, for that matter.

He looks over at the other two across the way and muses that Shindong isn't going anywhere either, but he finds that's not such a problem anymore.

(Siwon's laugh breaks his concentration, and he notices that's different, too—better than before, even.)

In fact, he might even welcome it.

~~~

#super junior #super junior fanfiction #shinwon #sihyuk #siwon #shindong #eunhyuk #choi siwon #shin donghee #lee hyukjae #jaso*

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nose-bandaid · 4 years

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camellia

Prince! Shinwon x Princess! Reader | royal kingdom AU fluff | 3.8k words

synopsis: you were never big on parties, the loud music, dancing, unwanted attention from the hundreds of guests. they were simply not your thing. when you find yourself forced at yet another masquerade however, you meet a masked stranger who shows you that maybe you can find something enjoyable at these gatherings.

=====

The bells chimed loudly, its grand sound resonating in the vast halls to signal the start of the royal ball. The castle you stood in was located in a far away forest and you were told that it was one of the Ko family’s many properties. Though their name wasn’t the most popular of all time, you had to give kudos to them for being able to invite almost all of the royal families to the ball — on a Monday no less. Behind you, an endless number of masked people rushed into the spacious ballroom, excited to meet new people and maybe even find a special someone to take home with them. You too, as the eldest amongst your siblings, were tasked with the responsibility of searching for a possible candidate to marry and strengthen your family’s name, as per your father’s request. It was a grim responsibility as you weren’t really sure how you felt about having to chose someone that very night — you’d much rather meet them naturally, as opposed to the forced dances you’re bound to go through in the next few minutes. Taking one last glance at the mirror you stood in front of, you had to admit that you were stunning in your outfit nonetheless. The colours of the dress complimented your features perfectly and your hair was done to create a lavish charm to your appearance. You made a note to thank your maids for dressing you up so well. With a final adjustment to the sparkling mask resting on the bridge of your nose, you turned to enter the ballroom yourself.

You were instantly met with glaring lights from the chandeliers above, and laughter and chatter danced in the air from every direction. All around you were people of all ages dressed to the nines in almost every colour imaginable. It was a breathtaking sight and you had no idea where to start. There were so many people out there, how could possibly select just a single person out of the hundreds milling about? As you stood around in a daze you felt a tap on your shoulder and turned around to face a man dressed in royal blue bowing down to you. When he rose back up, you held back a small gasp, even with a mask on, you could tell he was extremely attractive.

“Feeling a little lost, princess?” His honey-like voice questioned. “You look beautiful tonight, I would be grateful if I was able to accompany you for the next few dances. You can call me Kino, by the way.” He finished with a hand reached out to yours, which were frozen in midair out of a mix of awe, confusion, and surprise. You really didn’t know how to respond to his advancements, it would’ve been so much easier to judge his intentions if you could’ve seen his entire face. At least, you would’ve felt a little more assured when it came to the dances and inevitable kisses later in the night as everyone got a little bit more tipsy.

Kino seemed to have noticed your hesitation and glanced up from his slightly bowed position to see you meekly staring back at him. “Not feeling up to it, my princess?”

“N-no, I’m sorry, I don’t think I’m really ready yet. But you look very handsome tonight, Kino, I’m sure it’ll be easy for you to find another partner.” You replied as you watched him stand up straight and dust off his outfit a little bit, showing no signs of embarrassment. You feared that he would’ve been upset about your rejection, but instead, he shot you a dazzling smile.

“Understandable, and thank you for the compliment. May you have a wonderful night.” And with that, he and his royal blue suit disappeared in a wave of people. Feeling a little fazed by that encounter, you made your way to the buffet tables as discreetly as possible. The smell of sweets filled your mind and you wandered towards the long table filled with almost every single dessert imaginable, and you happily found your favourite in a flash. You made a beeline towards and was just about to grab one when a hand slipped underneath yours and grabbed it right from you. Sure, there were almost hundreds of the same dessert laid out right in front of you, but you still looked up in shocked at the thief’s audacity to take the precious food from you.

The man in front of you had his orange dyed hair brushed back and was wearing a matching orange-toned suit. His plump lips smiled cheekily as he shoved the dessert into his mouth, all while staring straight back at you. You felt your eyebrows twitch as you stared back at him, appalled. He was the first to speak, and you were at most, grateful for that, because you weren’t sure what exactly you would’ve said to him if you had the opportunity to speak first.

“I’m sorry, were you planning on eating that?” He held his hand out after carelessly wiping it on his pants. “I go by Hui, though Lee Hwitaek might sound more familiar.” It did, the Lee family was a household name, especially when it came to riches.

“Well, Hui,” you started, putting your hands on your hips childishly, refusing to shake his hand. As high and mighty his family may have been, you were still going to give him a piece of your mind for stealing your beloved dessert. “That dessert was supposed to be mine until you stole it. How are you going to repay for that?”

Hui smirked and smoothly maneuvered around the table towards you, wrapping one arm around your hip as he pulled you closer. “How about I repay you with a dance or two? I promise you’ll have an amazing time and it’ll make up for my little mistake.” He whispered into your ear.

Your ears burned as you tried your best to remain polite when you pried his arm off your body and shimmied away from him. “I’m going to have to decline that offer, thank you very much.” And with that, you scurried away to another table, trying to find peace in the covers of the crowd.

Letting out a sight in relief, you leaned on the wall near you. Why does finding partner have to be so difficult? And how in the world am I supposed to do this all alone? You thought to yourself, looking at your empty hands disappointedly. I didn’t even get to eat some good food in peace.

The burning feeling of someone staring at you brought you out of your trance and you tilted your head up, making eye contact with a very tall man staring back at you, drink in hand. Is it just me, or is everything unsettling in this atmosphere? You shuddered to yourself as you once again, ran away, but this time to the gardens which you knew would be much quieter than the loud music that was being blasted to cover the entire hall.

You finally found solace in a little rock garden in the midst of some trees (though the definition of ‘little might be skewed, it was ‘little’ in comparison to the rest of the Ko’s massive gardens). Taking a seat on one of the benches, you looked back wistfully at the bright lights coming from the palace. As much as you wanted to have a good time, you couldn’t help but feel so alone and misunderstood in the unfamiliar environment.

“Is this seat taken?”

Oh god, here we go again.

You faced the unfamiliar voice, “I’m sorry, but if you’re looking for a dance partner, you’re not going to find one here...” you told him defeatedly, sinking your head into one of hands supporting it.

“O-oh, I was really just asking if I could sit here, but if you don’t want that, then that’s alright too, I can find another place.”

Genuinely surprised at his reaction, you took another glance at the person in front of you. He was dressed in all white, a red camellia propped in his chest pocket, and had a fluffy mullet falling down to his neck. His shoulders were noticeably quite broad and he looked manly, though his hunched, polite posture urged otherwise. You shifted in your seat for a moment as you considered you options, before finally shifting over to your side and patting the seat beside you.

“No, no one’s sitting here, you can go ahead.”

He shot a small smile at you and gratefully took the seat, stretching his long legs immediately afterwards. “This party is quite something huh?” He sighed. “I don’t know if it’s just a me thing, but I can never find the appeal of events like these. I’d much rather sit outside and watch the stars with some friends. Though, I’ll agree the food is probably worth it though.” He rambled quietly.

You didn’t plan on saying another word to him after the initial reaction, but his attitude towards the party intrigued you. If you were to solely judge based on his appearance, you would’ve thought he was some sort of player that enjoyed parties. His features would’ve definitely attracted a lot of people towards him.

“Is that so? I didn’t even get to try the food because of the commotion there.” You sulked childishly back. You were already so tired out from the party, but this stranger seemed to be feeling the same way, which was a nice change, and you felt a little more spirit enter your body.

His mouth curved into a small ‘O’ as he looked up at the sky, deep in thought. “The buffet tables will probably be clearer towards the end of the night, when everyone’s more focused on dancing, so you could try going then, if you’re up to it.” He speculated.

“I guess so, I’ll try again later then, and if it doesn’t work out, you know where to find me.” You chuckled.

“And maybe,” he added “I could accompany you there? People will probably avoid you if they see that you had me, er, a date already.” He put air quotations around the “date” and you examined him curiously, he looked a little shy from his offer and it was a little difficult to tell with the mask on, but he seemed sincere.

“I’ll take up on that offer, actually.” You decided, putting your hand out for a handshake. “I’m Y/n from the L/n family, may I know your name?” The mysterious man took your hand but simply shook his head. “How about we save that introduction for the mask reveal?” He smiled, and your heart melted at the sight. Though you really wanted to know his name, you knew you couldn’t force him to spill and just went along with it.

The two of you sat in the cool night talking about this and that, from what it’s like at your towns to the way the formal clothing made you feel constantly uncomfortable to ranting about your identical distaste for these balls. The chirps of the crickets and the hums of the cicadas accompanied your quiet conversations that were filled with laughter. You’ve never bonded with someone so easily in a setting like this, and you felt yourself falling for the masked man with every word he said. You talked until the moon shone brightly above the little rock garden and the bells chimed to signal that it was midnight — meaning that the final dances and mask reveals were happening very soon.

The man took notice of that and got up from the bench, stretching his tall body from the hours of sitting. “Shall we leave now, m’lady?” He turned to you, who was still seated, and offered a hand to help you up, which you gratefully took. Your hand lingered in his for a while once you were up, and a part of you wished that you could hold his hand for a little longer. Unfortunately, he was the one to let go first and began heading back towards the palace. With a quiet sigh, you followed behind him.

Wait... what am I sighing for? Am I actually falling for a man who hasn’t even told me his name? But at the same time, he understands me... and he’s undoubtedly very handsome. You shook your head, trying to sort out your thoughts in vain.

When the two of you returned the ballroom, you were met with the loud music once again and it was a disappointing contrast from the quiet of the garden. Clearly, the party was just as lively as it was when you left, if not, livelier. The man in white was right though, the buffet tables were quite empty as everyone was busy preparing for the final dance, and you spotted the last few servings of your favourite dessert sitting in a tray nearby. You gasped excitedly and rushed over to the food, unknowingly pulling the man with you by the arm. Upon arrival, you looked up to him and smiled brightly, “Would you like some? We can split what’s left in half.” You offered happily. All you got in response was a slight stutter with a nod and you saw his cheeks were tinted red, like the flower in his pocket. You looked down to see that your arm was still tightly hooked in his. Realizing your actions, you were quick to detach yourself from him. Soon, he wasn’t the only one who was blushing as you felt your cheeks burning in embarrassment.

“I’m so sorry about that, I have no idea what went on in my mind when I decided to —” You were cut off with the sweet dessert being plopped into your open mouth. Chewing slightly you looked up to see his familiar bight smile looking down at you, and you couldn’t help but return it with a little laugh. You felt an unusual sense of comfort from him as the two of you gladly finished up the last few pieces of the dessert. By then, almost everyone had already gathered to the centre of the ballroom, eagerly waiting for the music to begin. You felt a slight pang of jealousy in your stomach at the number of happy couples you saw. You wished you were able to enjoy these events the way they seem to, but you always ended up plagued with the feeling of unwelcomeness. As your eyes continued to scan the crowd, they locked onto a pair that was staring straight back at you. Taking a closer look at the person, you recognized the fluff or orange hair and immediately turned back to your masked friend.

Why is Hui staring at me again?? You frantically wondered to yourself. Do I look unpresentable? Is it because he’s going to ask me to dance with him again?

A white glove entered your vision, tilting your head back up to face that comforting smile once again. “Is everything alright, princess? Is there someone that’s bothering you?”

You blushed and looked back in Hui’s direction, head still resting lightly on his fingertips. The orange haired man was nowhere to be seen. “No, just people I may or may not be trying to avoid. I rejected a couple of dance requests before I met you.”

This time, it was his turn to look away. Rubbing his head sheepishly, his eyes moved back to you “Actually... I was going to ask you if you wanted to perhaps be my partner for the final dances. But from what I’m getting, you might not be interested in that, so I’ll gladly back down from that offer if that’s what you prefer.”

The blush never left your cheeks as you thought of your reply. “Well, if it’s with you, I think I’ll be up to it.” You answered, luckily sounding much more confident than how you felt on the inside.

He beamed at that, and swiftly grabbed your hands into his, pulling you into a less crowded section of the ballroom. He maneuvered between the dancing people bumping into him from left to right as if he’s done it many times before and it made you wonder just who this mysterious man really was. When you reached your destination he gently placed on hand on your hips and clasped the other into your hand.

“You know how to dance?”

“Well of course I do,” you shot back playfully, easily falling into position. “I’m a princess, it’s not like I can avoid the ballroom lessons, as much as probably would’ve liked to.”

He laughed at that and the two of you danced gracefully on the golden floors. You would’ve been lying if you said it didn’t feel nice to dance in your luxurious dress with such a handsome man. As if you two had met long ago, your moves matched each other perfectly with every step and spin you took. By the time the current song finished, you found yourself leaning slightly into his firm chest, smiling to yourself. The band quieted and the people around you began to whisper to each other in hushed tones as the Kings of each kingdom, your father included, gathered on one of the balconies, ready to make a statement. Cheers arose from the crowd as they looked down upon you guys and raised a glass of champagne.

“I would first like to thank you all for being able to make it to this lovely night. From the preparations to the actual partying, a lot of effort was put into making this night go wonderfully.” One of them, who you recognized to be head of the Ko family, said. Another round of loud cheers emerged from all around you.

“I’ll keep the speech short,” he continued, “because I know all of you are eager to get to the unmasking, and to finally see your partners face in all its glory.” You glanced up at the mysterious man at that, but he kept his eyes glued on the Kings, face set with a serious gaze.

“We will have one final dance after the unmasking, but please, feel free to stay longer, for the night is still young and does work really need to be done tomorrow?” He joked. “Music will continued to be played, food will continue to be served, and of course,” he raised his glass, “more booze will arrive to be drunk!” You thought the cheers couldn’t get any louder before, but the cheers that resonated in the ballroom at that statement proved you wrong.

“I will thank you one last time for attending this event, it means much to my family and I’m sure it means a lot to yours too. Why, some of you guys might have even met your future partners! And what a lovely thought that is. So now, we will begin the unmasking!” His voice boomed over the chatter of the dancers. Gasps were held back and even a scream or two could be heard from across the room as partners unmasked themselves one by one.

Nervously, you turned to face your own partner who once again, was only offering you a smile. “Would you like to take it off on a count of three, Y/n?” You nodded, and began to count.

“1... 2... 3...”

You closed your eyes as you slipped off your own sparkly mask and when you opened them again, your jaw almost fell to the ground. He was stunning, his features were all so perfect in your eyes and you almost couldn’t stop yourself from wanting to stare at him all night long. As your eyes scanned his face one more time, something clicked in your mind.

“You-you’re—“

He bowed deeply introducing himself. “I am Shinwon from the Ko family, it’s a pleasure to meet you tonight.”

You were at a loss of words from his reveal — you were dancing with the host’s son the entire time? You’ve heard many rumours of him before amongst the maids and townspeople who just loved to gossip about his beauty and popularity. But the masked man you met today was the complete opposite of what you’ve heard. Minus, of course, the beauty part. That, you were able to confirm was very true and his beauty probably surpassed the way it was described by others.

Shinwon rose from his bow and looked around nervously at your lack of response. “I’m sorry... was it wrong for me to want to hide who I was at the beginning? I just wanted to get to know you without having the burden of my status. It was really nice to have company that actually enjoyed me as who I was.”

You shook your head in denial. “No! It was just, it was just very surprising.” You replied sheepishly. “I would’ve never imagined that I would end up dancing and shoving desserts into my mouth with the King’s son of all people.”

The music began playing and you both naturally ended up swaying softly, hand in hand. “Tonight actually ended up becoming really fun,” you admitted. “And I don’t think anything has really changed, now that I know who you really are. Though, I guess it’s a little easier to address you.” You giggled.

Shinwon sighed in relief. “I am so glad to hear that. Do you know how worried I was about the reveal? At my own party, even.”

“Hm... you’re even more handsome without the mask, I can give you that.”

“And you look fascinating, with or without the mask.” He smiled and pulled the red camellia out from his pocket to rest it on your ear, decorating your hair. “But I think I prefer without the mask — I like seeing your eyes.”

The music grew louder and you held each other even tighter. “I know we’re already half way through the song, but are you alright with me taking this last dance?” He asked, a sliver of doubt still hinted in his voice.

“Yes, of course.” You squeezed his hand. “I don’t think I would’ve wanted to have this last dance with anyone else, but you.”

“That’s good to know.” And with that, he swooped down and softly placed his warm lips into yours. You returned the kiss, leaning further into him. It felt like everything around you had melted into a mix of colours. All you could focus on was the feeling of his lips on yours and his hands grasping you tightly. You would’ve kissed him forever if you could.

As you broke for air, you found a smile painted on both of your faces. “I hope this isn’t the last time we will see each other.” He said breathlessly.

“After all that just happened, plus the kiss? I think there’s going to be an issue if we don’t get to see each other again, Prince Shinwon.” You exaggerated his title jokingly.

“Then I’ll make sure to send another personal invite to you sometime soon, Princess Y/n.” He smirked back. “Do you know how happy I am to have found someone who dislikes these formalities just like me? You’re amazing, Y/n.”

“Says you, you looked like a sun amongst stars when I first saw you. It’s like you came to save me.”

“Well, you’re like the most beautiful flower I’ve ever seen. And I don’t plan on letting you go anytime soon.” He replied, pulling you closer to spin you around.

When you came to this party, you had no hopes or plans on finding a perfect partner the way you father wanted you to. Even though the party had an uneasy start, meeting Shinwon definitely turned things around for the better. And now, maybe you can find a bit more happiness in events like these, if it meant that you would have him by your side.

=====

i’ve honestly never been the biggest fan of kingdom AUs but for some reason the idea for this plot just came to me one night and i had to write it out.

i hope you enjoyed it! it was a joy to write.

~tiny

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